#i haven't been writing for go or tmi lately

[beastsovrevelation]

One of the best feelings in the fanfiction writing hobby? Taking the ships you hate, then ripping them apart, smashing them with a hammer, and setting them on fire.

Maybe just for those of us with rarepairs for OTPs, and extremely popular NOTPs.

[6ix9inewiturmom]

The Scare- Chris Sturniolo

Summary: you end up having one of the biggest pregnancy scares of your life while chris is in boston

Warnings: Cursing, Crying, use of Y/N, talks of sex, taking a pregnancy test

A/n: may be tmi but lowkey relate to this so this was easy to write LMFAOO, ENJOY

PSA: DO NOT USE MY WORK FOR “inspiration” OR ANYTHING ELSE!!

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Chris has been in Boston for the last 2 weeks, and he's finally coming home. I decided to shower and shave before he came home because that man is the most sexually active 20-year-old I've ever met, the Facetime sex at 3 am for him isn't nearly enough to satisfy both of our needs.

After my hour-long shower, I'm digging through my shared bathroom with Chris in an attempt to find my body lotion to prevent my dry ass skin in this heat when I find my box of tampons, which got me thinking I haven't had a period in a while and Chris and I aren't the safest people when it comes to sex because neither of us can even remember to put a condom on, it always fucks up my mood.

“Shit,” I say to my self.

Chris and I are only 20 and with his career there's no fucking way in HELL we can have a kid or even raise a kid, I am nowhere near ready to raise an actual child.

I open my Flo app and see the little circle that's normally red is grey ‘1 week late’

“Shit shit shit,” I say out loud again, panicking.

I can't keep it from him, he's gonna see the pregnancy test in the trash. Would he be mad if I kept it from him? Should I just tell him? Should I go to Tara?

After about 30 minutes of standing in the bathroom looking at the message in my phone, panicking about what to do, I just decided I was gonna tell Chris, he loves me, and we've talked about having kids way later in life anyway, he couldn't be mad.

I finally built up the courage and got dressed in a pair of tight ripped jeans and a baby tee, with some Converse, and sat on the couch waiting for Chris to come home going through Tiktok and whatever else was on my phone.

“BABY IM HOME” Chris yells from the stairs

I squeal in excitement as I spot Chris and run towards him. Jumping into his arms, he effortlessly lifts me, allowing me to wrap my legs around his waist.

“Umm Y/N there are other people here too you know? Also, Chris get out of the fucking way so we can fucking put our shit down” Nick says in annoyance.

“Well hello to you too Nick,” I say jumping out of Chris’ arms moving out of the doorway, and letting Matt and Nick come inside the house.

“Sorry babes, we've all been up since about 6 am Boston time trying to catch our flight we almost missed because your fucking boyfriend wouldn't get the hell out of bed” Nick replies sending me a soft smile and giving me a soft hug.

“To be fair none of us went to bed at a decent time, mom was making sure we had everything packed so we didn't leave anything behind” matt defends.

“Thank you, Matt, now Y/N do you wanna take a nap? I know we were gonna go out to dinner but I'm very fucking jet lagged and kinda just want to order dinner and watch movies with you” Chris wraps his arms around my waist nuzzling his head between my neck as my hands rest on his shoulders.

“Thats fine with me i don't mind” i pull away from his embrace and smile at him.

Chris grabs his luggage and my hand and guides me to our shared bedroom. As we enter the room he seats his luggage down and plops on the bed letting out a groan of frustration.

“I have missed this damn bed, don't ask me how I slept in that bed at my mom's house for god knows how long because this one is so much more comfortable,” Chris says adjusting the way he's laying to rest his head down on the pillows. “Now after 2 weeks of no sex and just my right hand, I'm gonna need to fuck the ever-loving shit out of you” he smirks at me patting his lap and signaling me to sit on it.

“Yeah so about that” give him an awkward smile “So I didn't know how to approach this to you, 'cause you know we're not the most responsible sexually active humans” I start babbling getting nervous of his reaction based on the puzzled look on his face.

“Y/N what the hell are you getting at? cause if you don’t wanna have sex with me right now that’s fine just say that, but considering our last facetime call the constant ‘oh chris i need your cock’ was really misleading to me” he says with a puzzled faced.

“Chris i’m late” i breathe out.

“late for what? did we have reservations for dinner? did you have something for work?” he says with frustration in his voice.

“No Chris my period, I'm late, my period is LATE, I'm 1 week late today,” I say aggressively from his lack of acknowledgement.

“wait we haven’t had sex in 2 weeks? i’m confused” he sits up moving to the edge of the bed.

“last time we had sex i was ovulating, remember when i told you like a while ago that if im ovulating means im FERTILE?” i say in frustration.

“Fuck” he runs his fingers through his hair “Did you take a test? Do you know for sure that you are pregnant?” he questions

“No, and no, I didn't wanna take a test without you, and I for SURE didn't wanna hide it from you,” I say softly sitting next to him on the bed.

“So why the hell are you freaking out now? You don't know for sure that you are” he asks placing his head in his hands.

“Because you and I are nowhere near ready for a fucking kid Chris, your career, and my inability to even fucking care for myself some days, yeah there's no fucking way I can care for a child who can't even speak on its emotions, Chris” I stand up out of frustration and start pacing.

I can tell Chris obviously got upset with my statement about our ability to care for a child but i was stressed and honestly wasn't thinking.

"I want you to know that I care about you deeply, Y/N. If you are indeed pregnant, please know that I will do everything in my power to support you and our child. Even if it means giving up my career, I will do it willingly. Let's go get a pregnancy test and we can talk about everything else later, okay? I am here for you, and I will always be." he says, his voice filled with empathy and understanding as he gently cups my cheeks in his hands, rubbing them softly up and down and warm smile spreads across his face.

As our eyes meet, a warm smile spreads across his face and I can't help but return it. He takes my hand in his and gently guides me towards the living room, his grip firm yet gentle. The coolness of his skin against mine sends shivers down my spine.

“Girl, were you guys arguing? Normally after we come home from Boston it's all ‘Oh Chris more, more’ typically a traumatic event” Nick says mocking me with a smile plastered across his face.

“Y/N and I are running to CVS so well be back in a little,” Chris says walking him and me down the stairs and to my car.

The drive to CVS was filled with a bunch of conversations and laughter, talking about if I was pregnant how we would raise our child, and Chris talking about the dad jokes he's gonna have, and considering he's a triplet he carries the genetic that I'm probably gonna twins or triplets.

“How many of these things do we need? What brand is best? why are there so many options?” Chris says holding 3 boxes of pregnancy tests and struggling to figure out which one to pick “fuck it why don't we buy all of them and use one pack tonight then we'll have the extra on hand in case our irresponsibility gets the best of us” he continues.

Chris and I walked up to the front counter and dropped the boxes of tests. The worker behind the counter took a look at the tests and then looked back at us, giving us a fake smile. After ringing up the purchase, we made our way to my car.

“So do you think you are pregnant?” Chris says breaking the silence.

“I mean normally my cycles are normal and a week late is not normal at all but it could be my hormones changing or something, but I do wanna make sure,” I say glancing at Chris nervously biting his nails.

“You were right about how irresponsible we are with our sex lives but when we first started fucking we knew the risk of everything and I mean our kids would be pretty cute,” he says placing his hand on my leg and rubbing a small circle with his thumb.

Chris and I pulled up into the driveway. As we got out of the car, he held my hand tightly and carried the CVS bag in the other hand as we made our way into the house and up the staircase.

“did you get any snacks?” Nick says eating a bowl of popcorn on the couch with Matt watching the most random movie on Netflix.

“Uhm no I just got a couple of personal things” I say nervously holding up the bag and sending a warm smile to Nick.

Chris and I pretty much B lined to the bathroom, anxiously “So which one do we use?” Chris says looking down at the boxes.

“Just give me the one that says Clearblue” i say softly laughing as Chris opens the box for me and inspects it before handing me the little stick.

“Do you want me to hold the stick while you piss? I'm sorry I have no idea how these things work” he says laughing allowing his back to slide down the wall and sit with his back against the shower door.

“Chris it's fine i know how to use these, believe me my friends in highschool weren't the most responsible either” I say laughing beginning to pee on the little white and blue stick.

“So how long do we wait?” Chris says helping me take a seat on the floor next to him.

“5 minutes” I breathe out setting a 5-minute timer on my phone and leaning my head against the shower door.

As we sat in the bathroom, waiting for the pregnancy test to show its result, the silence felt palpable. It wasn't an awkward silence, but rather a deafening one that seemed to fill the entire room. With just the two of us present, we anxiously waited for the five minutes to pass.

“Would it be a bad thing if I wanted it to be positive?” Chris chuckles.

“I wouldn't necessarily say a bad thing, there's a part of me that kind of wants it to be positive too” i smile back at Chris.

The alarm on my phone quickly broke the once-loving moment sending us into a panic. Chris and I stand up walking to the counter.

“Wait should we film it in case you are then we could always have it if you could be pregnant?” Chris’ gaze softens as he looks at me.

“Chris not the time” I softly laugh out.

“Right,” he nods smiling back at me. “WAIT” he grabs my hand “Whatever happens, I love you,” he says in a serious tone.

With a warm smile, I gaze lovingly at him and reciprocate his affectionate words, "I love you too Christopher." However, my attention is quickly drawn towards the counter where the pregnancy test lays face down, taunting my nerves. With trembling hands, I muster up the courage to pick it up and slowly turn it around to face me, my heart pounding in anticipation of the result.

‘Not Pregnant’

“YES, MORE CREAMPIES” Chris shrieks wrapping his arms around my waist and picking me up, and spinning me around as I giggle out of excitement.

He carefully seats me down back flat on my feet. Our moment was quickly interrupted by both Nick and Matt barging through the door.

“ARE YOU GUYS- wait is that a pregnancy test? Y/N ARE YOU PREGNANT?” Nick yelled as Matt's eyes widened at the little blue stick in my hands.

“Please for the love of god, I don't want a little Chris running around, or two, or even three” Matt places his hand on his forehead.

“No she is not” Chris chuckles at the boys’ comment.

“THANK YOU,” matt and nick say in unison.

“Wrap it before you tap it next time Chris,” Nick says walking away and back to the living room.

“Now I'll say it again, after 2 weeks of Facetime sex I would like to absolutely fuck your brains out” Chris says smirking down at me.

“Please do” I smile as he picks me up gripping the backs of my thighs as my legs wrap around his waist leading me to the bedroom.

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A/N pt 2: I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THISSSSSS AND TYSM TO @cosmicmistake42069 FOR THIS INSPIRATION!!

[fandomfluffandfuck]

related mostly to this, but also this, so... very tmi shit under the cut:

Normally, when I have tmi sex and/or scene stories to tell, I put them in the tags, but there's too much to say this time thus, a whole fucking post. No half hiding in the tags, lmao.

Last night was a goddamn religion experience. I swear to FUCK. I say scenes are godly in the most unholy way in my writing a lot and... yeah 😮‍💨

The first thing I did at the party was get my boots blacked, since I've always wanted to, and--Jesus Christ. I would have been completely chill with that being my only playing for the whole night because it was ✨️that good✨️

The bootblack that was there was criminally, unfairly good in so many ways. For one, my boots look better than they did when I bought them, and I do upkeep them myself. Secondly, he fried my fucking brain. Of course, I understood that bootblacking in a kink setting is a kinky experience and would be deeply sexual going into it. That being said, I was not fucking prepared for the bootblack to apply some of the shit he was using on my leather with his tongue. I was not prepared to have one of the leather belts that he had to work on wrapped around my neck to use as a leash to force me down closer to his level where he was at my feet so he could kiss me. With my chest pressed to my thighs, his hand at the end of some strangers belt around my throat, he kissed me, and smeared some of whatever it was he was using into my mouth, against my own tongue. I was not prepared for him to taste the leather of my boots, nor was I prepared for him to share the fucking taste (not to mention him asking if I wanted a second taste when we broke apart and me immediately going, "uh-huh," as if I were trained on command). 😮‍💨🥴 Oh. my. fucking. god.

I tipped the bootblack because, duh, and he playfully refused to accept it from my hand. Instead, he had me wedge the cash between the lases of my boots because he wanted to show off how he could untie my laces with just his teeth. He did. He fucking did. Then, he had me re-tie my own laces. I nearly fucking forgot how to tie my boots, I shit you not--and I'm pretty sure that was the point 👀

Okay, so, boots blackened and severely fucking turned on, after that I was like whatever the fuck comes up, I'm fucking good. I. Yeah.

I watched for a while. The guy who threw the party had a really big house with only a small part set as off-limits, so I wandered around until... I got approached by a different guy. I forget the exact words of his opener, and even if I remembered it, it would be nowhere as charming in text as in real life. Anyway, he was straight (ha) to the point and basically was, just, hey, you look like you're really light (for reference, think about pre-serum Steve but a tiny bit taller, I'm 5'6", not 5'4"), I bet you'd be perfect to suspend. And, oh, are you into that, by chance? When I said I'd never been suspended, he started to back off, but I was like, oh, oh no. You can't say shit like that to me and not expect to make me curious to try.

People.

I've tied other people up before, but I haven't been tied up myself in any real capacity--I've practiced shit on myself and gotten off, lmao. And certainly, I had never been suspended myself.

I have now.

I got fucking suspended.

There were anchor points in the ceiling of the basement, and we used them to their full capacity. The writer in me is, like, details details details, meaning I would fucking love to tell you what ties he did and everything but I don't fucking remember. He told me the names before we got into it so I could agree. But I don't recall in the fucking slightest, lmao. I just. Brain gone.

He did my legs (my calves to the back of my thighs) and arms (which were straight back behind me, tied together at the elbow and wrist, meaning that my arms were up toward the ceiling as I was facing the floor). (Eventually, he tied a rope around my torso at the small of my back, too, to help hold me up, that was later, though.)

But.

Before I was really suspended, I was on the floor, he had me on my back, legs folded up underneath me, arching my back to accommodate for the position and so my stomach and dick was very exposed, and he joked very casually--while standing over me, staring down and smirking, of course 🥴--about kicking me so hard that he'd leave the tread print of his boot in my stomach and. I think I died.

Fuck.

I really kinda wish he did kick me that hard 😮‍💨 I'm sure the pattern of the fucking workboots he had on would look great.

Anyway, then, later, I was not on the floor. At all. And as it turns out, I'm even more bendy than I apparently already look 💀

I don't really experience subspace in the same capacity that I experience domspace. I don't go as deep, for sure. And maybe that's why I prefer domming to some degree. That being said, suspension is probably the deepest I've ever gone into subspace. Like. That weightlessness. Every touch, meant to be stimulating--being groped or whatever--or not--like having his fingers slide between my skin and the ropes, checking to make sure nothing was too tight--made my entire body move and sway and twist. Yet, I absolutely couldn't move. I could not keep anything straight. He would touch me in one place and then suddenly be doing something else, somewhere else.

The rope he was using was sisal and holy shit. It's like jute but better because it's rougher and it hurts more. Like. Suspension obviously doesn't have to hurt. I told him I was all good with more than a little hurt, though. So. He made it hurt.

And I now have the announcment that I... I may be much more of a masochist than I thought 💀💀

I couldn't move, obviously, but I could strain against the ropes some and oh my fucking god. He edged me, jerking me off, before I came down from the tie and he swear to god I was groaning so ridiculously loudly by the end because I couldn't not strain and flex against the rope but that just made the rope dig even more into my skin. Every time I twitched it hurt a little more. Not gonna lie, I think the weightlessness and restraining and pain did more for me than the pleasure of a hand job 😮‍💨

It was incredible.

That fucking dom was incredible. He was so good at ties and suspension and so accommodating to my inexperience, listening but also creative enough to know where to push to give me more than I wanted.

Also. Because I was already fucking there and why not go zero to sixty, though, this is probably more like zero to hundred, lmao, when I came down from being suspended, he untied me, and then I gave my first blow job. It is exactly what I thought it would be, which is intoxicating. The smell. The taste. The weight of it. The power. The way he enjoyed it. Just. Yup.

I was totally fucking locked in the entire time the scene was happening, nothing else fucking existed, nothing else could have--but now that I'm out of it... I can't wait to turn around and have a sub that I can give head to in the same way. I love eating pussy, I really fucking do. It's about the heat, the wetness, the smell, the way they squirm, those noises, and the way it's so fucking easy to pull pleasure out of someone like that. And I just know sucking dick would be the same, doing it from the dom side, not the sub side. As a sub, don't get me wrong, it feels so fucking good to be used--aching, in pain, like, fucking throbbing but also totally limp, so all you can do is stay where they put you and be used. But, I just know flipped it'll be just as good and, maybe, for my personal taste, better.

Aftercare was done--that rope dom was fucking great (as was that bootblack). And before my friend, who I came with, and I left, we did little more watching, together, then headed home.

So, to simplify: first, all gay dungeon party achieved and successful 😮‍💨😮‍💨 Bootblacking experience successful and hot as shit. Suspension experience successful, also hot as shit. Giving a blowjob successful, hot, and in need of repeats.

Thanks for listening to my tmi tales, lmao

[steddie-fanfic-recs]

I don't know if anyone has noticed, but my posting pattern has been all over the place lately, and the majority of the fics are one-shots, but I want to reassure anyone who is worried that I might abandon the blog. I have no plans to stop posting or anything. I've just been preoccupied with other things, but my love for this ship hasn't faded. I'll still try to post every now and then while reading the occasional one-shot when the mood strikes.

TMI version:

In a couple of weeks, it's been a year since my dad passed away from pancreatic cancer and it's in the same week as my birthday of course. So it's been hard to deal with. I still can't believe a whole year has gone by since we lost him and I need to focus on myself for a little bit while also being there for my mom.

On a somewhat happier note - I've been working on my own fic! I haven't posted anything in 7 years so when the creative juices started flowing I just ended up hyper-focusing on writing in true ADHD fashion. It's been a lot of fun, to be honest, and it's been a great distraction from everything that's been brewing under the surface. But! There's always a but, haha. This, combined with the sudden change in weather, triggered a hypomanic episode so I'm still recovering from that. Anyway, I have no idea if I'll ever finish writing this fic, but I'm determined to just enjoy the ride while it lasts.

So, once again, just to be clear - I'm not going anywhere. You guys are stuck with me for a while longer and on the off-chance that my obsession suddenly goes away, I will still keep the blog up.

If you got this far, thank you for being awesome! Whoever you are, I hope you have a great day. I'm gonna go to a BBQ with my mom and aunt.

<3

[hey-august]

I both love and hate talking about myself, so I'm gonna step out of my comfort zone a bit and share a lil update about why I've been less active lately 🩷

tl;dr - Am feeling sad. I'm still writing because it makes me happy, but it'll stay slow until things start turning around.

So last year was a heck of a time for me - pretty much the entire year had something going on that was stressful. (Slight tmi: This was the first time that normal health cycles went all wonky from the stress, which only added to the feelings.)

I was on a new team (after 5 years with my prev team), there were restructures and layoffs, I no longer work with two of my favorite managers who were such pillars of support and work friends, my partner and I had to have a few tough conversations, and my dog had to have multiple surgeries for broken legs over the course of 6 months.

On top of that, I didn't prioritize time for myself, or time away from work, well. I didn't take more than a few days off at a time until earlier this month.

I realized that I was starting to feel burnt out and things were not getting better. My self esteem was dropping and not bouncing back.

I took off a full week earlier this month, which helped. I also started therapy.

This past weekend I got together with family, which we haven't done in-person in more than 10 years. It was nice and full of bonding, but we also unpacked a lot of unhappy memories from childhood. I think that chipped away at some of the healing that I hoped to get from the time off.

ALL THIS TO SAY, I'm feeling a little funky, emotionally. A lil sad, ya know? A little broken. I want to do things that make me happy, but it's hard. And the happiness seems to only last as long as I'm doing the thing.

But it is getting better. Even if it gets worse, that's part of the process sometimes. I don't like it, but it's gotta happen. So don't mind me if I'm quiet, if I say "I'm good!" or if post other things more often than stories.

I'm still here, still writing, and I'm always so happy to see yall pop up in my notifications and show up on my dash. 🩷🩷🩷

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Taking the multivitamins:

Day 1: My body did the *thing*, this is tmi but it got something nutritious incoming and decided to purge all else to make room, felt like I had food poisoning for one whole hour. This is normal for me. My body does this stupid [smart probably actually] anti-starvation thing where it holds on to whatever it has until it senses new nutrition incoming and sometimes the reaction is proportionate to the nutrition. Confident this was a one time thing.

Day 2: Had to walk over 2.5 hours to do appointments and errands and I not only decided to extend my appointment walk to drop off a USB to get records instead of going way back out across a wholeass town on a whole separate day, but I *almost* walked into a hardware store on my way home. What stopped me is that it had been too long since opening, store looked full, do not want. My body has a false impression of it's own constitution already and regrets will be had.

Day 3: Regrets are being had, but I half destroyed my wrist to only half destroy my ankle and that helped. The vitamins may have already, but honestly I have been in so much pain from any physical activity lately it would be hard to tell. I'm not actually expecting immediate effects beyond what I usually notice from suddenly eating a fortified cereal or taking a multivitamin, and most of those effects are mental, and the feeling of having motivation or energy, even if I materially don't. I might expect faster recovery so long as I keep slamming back proteins though. Even though I physically feel like shit I did my laundry again yesterday, almost did my dishes this morning and WANT to clean my apartment. I feel like my body is holding me back but the motivation is suddenly very undeniably present. It's probably the b vitamins talking.

You know what I miss? writing in bed or in a comfy chair. The only laptop I have RN is my tablet and the cord is broken T~T So I can't do authoring while physically comfortable and that's probably why I haven't been writing.

[pjunicornart]

Symptoms of Me (vent post... kinda)

So, my mental health has been kicking my ass as of late. I haven't been feeling the best, and lately I've been beat to shit by my autistic symptoms.

So how did I vent? With Meet the Robinsons, of course. Because I feel so connected to Lewis/Cornelius, I headcanon that he experiences my symptoms as well.

I drew Neil displaying how my symptoms/trauma manifests. They're all just little doodles. I think it's important for people to see from multiple perspectives when it comes to mental health (especially neurodivergency) because everyone's symptoms manifest differently. I've wanted to make a post like this for a while, so... here you go.

This is me. (cw: brief mentions of trauma/abusive relationships)

I space out a lot. Often times I'll get lost in my daydreams, so much so that hours could pass by and I wouldn't have a clue. This happens a lot, actually. It's the reason why I'm only able to get one artwork done a day, because I constantly space out. Another little symptom displayed here is my fidgeting. As I write this post I am bouncing my leg.

Wanna know a physical sign of autism? Toe walking! I do this a lot. I do it because carpets and hardwood floors feel weird to walk on. If I don't have my house shoes or socks on, I'll toe walk everywhere.

Music is how I connect with the world. That's why I get inspired by music so often. Since I can't formulate my words on the topic of my feelings, music is how I do that. Music helps me understand myself by putting complex things I don't understand into simple to sing along to verses.

On the topic of music, it gets stuck in my head. Easily. I can put a song on loop for five hours straight and I would never get bored of it. When I go to bed, the song will play in my head, and I'll get excited because I can listen to it again in the morning. Because songs get stuck in my head so often, I would mumble under my breath the lyrics as a tick. The same could be said for my ticks in general. Small phrases or words will repeat in my head over and over again, and I'll say them aloud. Recently, "he's tired" has been on repeat for me. I don't know why.

Wanna know ANOTHER physical sign of autism? Frequent constipation/irregular and incomplete bowel movements. I am definitely guilty of this. I've been taking fiber gummies, but it's only helped a little bit. I still go over a week without going number two. This might be a bit TMI, but this is one reason why it was super difficult for my parents to potty train me. It would hurt to go, and therefore I wouldn't wanna do it. My parents weren't particularly... nice, about potty training me. I have trauma from it. Speaking of...

Because of trauma, I HATE using toilets. This kind of ties into my age regression as a coping mechanism a bit. For multiple reasons, I wish I had a better childhood. So, I regress to a mental space where I'm a happy kid. If I'm being honest? There are some days where I wish I could just go in a plastic potty and not use the toilet. Because of the trauma from potty training, yes, but also because they're loud. Loud noises suck.

Emotions? I don't understand them. To me, it's just noise. I see no reason for them, and I hate them. But it's only because I don't understand them, and this includes my own emotions. There are times where I'm crying, and I have no idea why I'm crying. I'll tell myself there's no need for me to cry here, and I'd curse myself for being "weak", when I'm just being human. I'd judge others for getting angry, because to me, it's so easy to just suppress everything and look at things logically. I had to teach myself empathy recently, because I didn't get it when I was younger.

I freeze when I'm in conflict. I remember everytime I'd get in trouble with my dad (he was emotionally abusive), I'd just sit there and cry, with the words stuck in my throat. I couldn't get them out, no matter how hard I tried. He'd yell at me and tell me to talk, and it would frustrate him when I wouldn't listen to him, and he'd just tell me off more. He didn't realize I was shutting down due to my autism (which was undiagnosed at the time - and still is because the American healthcare system sucks). It was hell. To this day, if I'm ever in a conflict, the words get stuck in my throat.

In general, my relationship with food is negative. I avoid certain foods like the plague because they trigger my very sensitive gag reflex. Most of the time it's a texture issue. That's why I have my comfort foods. They textures and tastes are perfect! You'll notice that they're mostly warm foods. These foods warm me up in a way I really like; It's a pleasant feeling. Box mac n' cheese is my all time favorite comfort food, too. I like it a specific way: It has to be the Kraft brand with the spiral pasta, and I like it with a little bit of extra milk. It makes it creamier. By the way, I don't know why I drew that burger with cheese, because I actually like my burgers plain. Just burger and bun (same with hot dogs).

I'll be okay. Just going through a rough patch right now. I have a new AU idea for MtR that I'll explain. Eventually.

[kelyon]

Tuesday

Yooooo!

So I have been having A Time lately. Some of it good, some of it bad, all of it exhausting. I didn't want to say anything before or make an actual TMI Tuesday post, because I never know when I'm gonna have an insane writing burst that makes finishing a chapter seem actually plausible. And I feel bad because I feel like there isn't anything new or interesting about me announcing delays anymore. It's not like, I'm currently in the hospital so I can't write for the next week. I've just felt crappy and distracted for too many days in a row, so I haven't been writing. And when I try to write, I very quickly become full of hate for everything I am currently writing or have ever written or indeed every single word in the English language. When I get to that point, I know I need to close my laptop.

I saw Weird Al Yankovic at a convention over the weekend (see, I told you I was busy). At the q&a, he said something about how he decided to make music his job until it started to feel like work--and it never has. For me, writing has felt like work lately. Of course, everything feels like work sometimes, so I'm not sure what to do with that. I'm gonna keep trucking on Courtship until it's done. And I don't want to stop writing. I just want it to stop feeling like work.

To make a long story short*, there isn't going to be a new chapter of Courtship on Friday.

*If I was capable of making a long story short, none of us would be in this situation, but alas.

Two pieces of good news:

One, I am taking some vacation time next week and I don't currently have that many plans. There's a strong likelihood that I'll be able to get some actual writing done! And an even stronger probability that I'll be able to sleep and relax and not feel like a dried-out husk!

(I don't want to make promises, but if there was ever a time when I might be able to get two chapters out one week after another, it might be now.)

Second good news: Tonight, instead of banging my head against the wall over Courtship, I started my outline for Golden Love, the eventual third major installment in the Golden Cuffs 'Verse. I'm not sure how long this fic is going to be. Just going off the top of my head, I was able to outline the first 14 chapters (ie, the first act) and then come up with 8 additional plot points for the rest of it. It was nice to just be able to brainstorm. More accurately, to siphon off the ideas and plans that have been occupying my brain for... a very long time now. The fic is still a long way off, I'm not planning on starting posting until next June or so. But it is so nice to remember that I actually do enjoy this process.

[unveiled-if]

Sorry for the radio silence!

A... Lot has been going on. Idk if I've ever told this but I work two jobs at the moment, one as a restaurant manager and other within the navy, and it's grinding me to the ground. I have exactly 1 day off during the week and that's spent sleeping and crying, you'll know more as you read. If you don't, I get it. It's a bit of a downer post.

But working is fine! I like being a busybody, and I love working for both places. BUT.

My back/leg/hip/lumbar's given out. I don't know if it's the worst case of sciatica known to mankind or what, but it's been going on since last November and getting worse by the day. I'm 25 and looking at a future in early retirement (AT UNDER 30), it's that bad, and even worse for my psyche. Painkillers don't help (prescription/OTC, what have you), muscle relaxants don't work, physio doesn't work, one doctor even injected some cortisone for a whole separate issue and wow, surprise, that didn't work. I'm so close to going to the ER and asking for an amputation at this point.

Now, I know sharing this is kinda TMI, but I feel like you deserve a reason, the transparency why I haven't gotten around to posting lately. I've just been working (literally) through the pain, gone home, ugly cried from the agony, and passed out just to repeat the whole shebang.

And I can't not work. I'm so deep in debt, you know, in Finnish standards. I know 13k is nothing compared to some, but here it's a lot if I can't keep working.

I'm sorry for oversharing, but this is my reality right now, and I'm at my wit's end. I can't sleep, I can barely get out of bed. I can't tie my shoes. I can't pick up my niece, and I can't go out to spend time with my friends without almost overdosing on painkillers just to move. Sometimes only alcohol helps, and I don't want to do that because of the addiction running in my genes.

I want to scream and cry and leave this body for a better one, but I can't, and if this keeps going I won't be able to do anything and it scares the shit out of me.

I know the doctors are doing their best, but of course there's bias when I'm so young. We have to go through all the plausible treatments before surgery is even considered. Plus, I'm from a tiny town. Getting an appointment takes months, and then it's the same things all over again.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not giving you the updates you deserve. I still listen to music that inspires me, and I do write down ideas, but I can't bring myself to write more than a paragraph, once a week.

I'm sorry for not interacting or being as chipper as I usually am. It's just too much for me to handle all at once, I am but one creature.

But I'll try to keep up a positive outlook. Finland is a good country, with good healthcare, and I trust them to help me so I can keep paying taxes haha.

Sorry for a long, useless post, but you deserve to know. And maybe I needed to get it off my chest. My family is already tired of listening to me complain anyway.

Love y'all forever 💜

[cafecourage]

what happened to update? you okaY?

I got sick *AGAIN*

I have the post partly writing aiming for what I said last time (5 days) but I kid you not. The next day I got a 101 fever, it wasnt covid or flu my theory is just because I haven't been as busy as I typically have been my body has finally just forced me to relax. But that is just a theory as urgent care had no ideas on how other then "this happens".

I am a very sick person to begin with which was what I was going to go into in the other post. The TL DR version is basically I have 2 possibly 3 auto autoimmune disease's which has thoroughly fcked me up with existence. Along with other medical shenanigan's that make my brain work almost as well as internet explorer.

This basically is all to say that Late June into well... now has not been good for me.

But hey! I am feeling better as I can finally sit at my computer again.

I hope this wasn't to much tmi as I wanted to have some context still. Also since I basically almost rewrote what I wanted to post this might just be that post and I dont need the other one. *Sigh*

[storybounded]

Speaking of which, I changed some of his backstory a bit, and I haven't had the energy to mention it in his history ( tbh it needs a whole re-write, but I'll do that later). Big TMI for mentions of drugs and the struggles with that, but I'll put that under a read more.

Scott and Aubrey DO not work together on the set of Bolt anymore. It was that way for the previous 9-ish years, but It is time for an update.

Aubrey, when younger, was known for singing children's pop music in shows when she was a lot younger. Everyone thought she would be quite the singer when older, and a lot of pressure was put on her.

Scott and Aubrey met in middle school and became pretty close friends, but they didn't exactly date till the middle of high school, when both of their careers started to blow up. Both were really soaking in that newfound fame, and they had similar goals in mind.

But, unlike Scott, Aubrey was under a company who was strict about her image. Especially one who is friendly to kids and such. And although Aubrey loved her younger fans, she was moving on. She wanted to grow up and wanted to do more with herself. She had starlight in her eyes, but her leg was unfortunately caught in a crab bucket situation. She was being pulled down.

But she started to fight. In minor ways at first, which wasn't the biggest deal to most. She did what most teenagers would do. She changed up some of her appearance and style, so it was no biggie.

Drug mentions and struggles under the cut!

But in her attempt to be 'more like an adult', she found her way to drinks and drugs. It was a bad friend who introduced it to her. This is where she began to make a drastic spiral. From happy go lucky girl, changed to a rebellious risk-taking teen who started to form bad habits to cope with the stress of being under the leash of a big corporation ( And Scott can only do so much to help her with that)

She started to spiral, and guilt tripped Scott to be more 'cool' and do it with her. And while they were still in the high of their newfound stardom, Scott didn't want to feel like a stick in the mud and ruin his image by not going along with her. Scott did the dumb teenager moment where he followed through. He did it for a few weeks.

But after they attended a low key late night party that they were invited to, he couldn't take it anymore. He hated the way the drugs made him feel. At this point, he saw how stupid they both were being, and he wanted to help her. They argued the next morning. He wanted to get her help. But she was taking it the wrong way in such a state.

He even tried to get her other friends to help convince her, hoping she would at least listen to them, but to no avail. Even went to her family, but her mother had long since been gone ( due to a divorce) , and her father wasn't really all the way present in her life ( too busy running his own corporation. Kinda like Jimmy Crystal from s.ing 2, but not murderous lmao). It was a nanny who tried to have a sit down with her. Along with Scott and with her friends who were all concerned.

But you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. Scott was exhausted and tired by this point, and he finally had to cut the chord of their relationship. He made sure she was left in good hands, but he couldn't take another day in this turbulent situation. She was not in her right mind, nor the girl he used to know. She was not helping herself get better.

Needless to say, media and fan reactions were a THING he had to deal with, along with a string of negative hits to his image that he had to make up.

Also, extra tidbits of info. Aubrey is released from the corporate grip thanks to her father, who stepped up with his lawyers after the nanny got brave enough to give him a piece of her mind. So, she did get clean after several years. In fact, Aubrey becomes a quite beloved actress to smaller movies ( think hallmark and such). But even if Scott had the chance, he wouldn't get back together with her, but he is fine with reconnecting and staying friends.

[crowhyun]

Hi crow!! Just saw ur replies and im really glad things are going well in ur life! Cant imagine the stress youd hv to go through in the medical field and premed 😵‍💫😵‍💫, mad respect for that. But i do hope youll be able to enjoy it! Hope everything goes smoothly!

Now... OMG SJSJSJKDKSKSNKDKEKKEKSES absolutely cannot wait for u to post AKAHAHHAJJSHSJAKHJDK i will be counting the seconds to tmr. I so glad i came back on tumblr just in time for this, cant imagine missing it. Its deffo been awhile since ive read ffs or anyt in general so im rly rly rly looking forward to it!

Also im rly rly happy to hear that u want to continue AI taehyun and that u hv ideas in ur mind for it. I do rly love angst so im looking forward to it even more!!! Ill be waiting patiently for u to post it and i will savour it sweetly when u do 😁😁

I like how u used the word fated in ur reply bc i rly do believe in fate most times. Theres j wayyy too many crazy things in life that happens "coincidentally" and its rly hard to believe sometimes. Like how??? Sometimes life does some crazy things that throws u off ur tracks but it ultimately shows u another path. So i like to call it fate. I rly love the idea of fate and destiny bc life is rly uncontrollable and unpredictable and sometimes only fate is the answer behind it.

Im glad that we're fated in some kind of way. It rly is fate. From discovering ur works, to creating a new acc and now getting back to being more active on tumblr again. There j isnt an answer behind how this could've happened. So i would just like to say, its fate.

Also sort of a tmi, but the reason i love the idea of fate so much is actually bc of an anime movie "your name" i loveddd this movie so so much and it sorta revolves around fate, and the red string of fate that kept the 2 main characters intertwined and connected. Dk if u rmb but txt once released a jpnese song called "Ito", which means string/ thread. It talks about how we'll always be connected by fate and we'll forever be intertwined. I loved it so so much because it made me think of that movie and it rly just felt like fate that txt, a grp i loved released a song that resonates with a movie i loved greatly. Also 0x1's jpnese mv used comets in it which plays a key role in "your name". Theres j so many things that just seems like fate.

Woah yapped alot here, but again rly looking forward to ur work! I hope ull be able to work on it freely and smoothly, that everything goes well and u enjoy the process of writing it and the end product! Rly rly happy to hear ull try to be more active again, and I'll definitely drop by more often knowing that! Also, i think its been awhile since uve had a new anon and i hv no idea if ure still taking them, but if u are, dym if i be ☄️ anon 🥹🥹. I think the comet means so so much to me and the fact that u brought up fate made me rly think it is fate that we're able to meet despite always being inactive. Another crazy long msg i hope u like them 🥹🥹🥹, but again lots of love 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

☄️ anon (if u dont mind :))

HIIIIII i'm so sorry for answering this late, I haven't been on tumblr bcs these last two weeks of the semester are kicking my ass and my anxiety has been skyrocketing :( though, I'm getting through it

and YES, I really believe in fate, too! Whether it be god, the universe, or something else, fate is one of the things I full heartedly believe in. I'm not exactly religious, but I am a bit spiritual, and I also do tarot readings. Tarot has a lot of mixed reactions and beliefs as a divination source, but I think that rather than there being a spirit talking to me through the cards, it's fate. I do a lot of readings for my mom, and even though I forget what the cards say after doing the readings, she remembers and it's insane how the cards are always right T.T the cards fall out of the deck due to fate. Sometimes, it has be wondering if the future is already set in stone.

I've also finished watching Attack on Titan, and the future being set in stone is kinda the premise of the show if you haven't watched it. The ending also made me super depressed, and I know that I should stop watching depressing anime, but it's so good and I think a toxic trait of mine is that I like the feeling it gives me. Like, I like being sad. Idk lol.

Also, with writing, I think I found out the reason why I stopped. For one, I've kind of lost interest in TXT and kpop as a whole. I still listen to the music often, but I don't keep up with the news as much as I used to. Another thing is that watching certain things like AOT, I always wonder if I'll ever be able to create something as powerful and heart wrenching as something like that. Something to move people and have them thinking about it for years after. And due to my insecurities, I don't believe I can do that. So, every time I write, I feel like I've lost my touch, or that what I'm writing isn't meaningful enough. Tbh, I don't think it's that serious, because at the end of the day, I should enjoy what I write, even if it's not some huge hit that inspires people. I just have to fully convince myself of that.

but OMG, I haven't gotten a new anon in a really long time! I don't know what ever happened to my old anons, but I hope they're still out there lolol. You can def be ☄️ anon, and I'm so glad you asked!!!

[kierancampire]

Sorry for TMI, but I am in so much pain and this has been causing many issues in my day to day life at the moment, and again, the pain, it hurts so bad

As a child I got "diagnosed" with IBS, but like, my mum just went to the doctor for something then casually mentioned I fart and shit a lot, the doctor I said I had IBS, but like, as a throw away passing comment before talking about something else, since then on my record I have IBS and it's just a thing. So like, technically I have it, that just wasn't much of a thing obviously

And I have never taken care of it and I have never cared, my life is just lived consuming what I want and dealing with whatever happens, that's it. So, maybe this is my fault, but what I don't get is I haven't eaten or drank anything unusual and that is outside of my usual consuming habits, yet something's quite wrong

For what feels like a week now, and again, TMI warning, extreme TMI warning. But yeah, for I guess a week my body has been in so much pain, like my stomach and my butt just hurt and feel super messed up, they just are in pain, and the sounds my stomach makes, it's not good, like it's just these constant weird noises. But there are, yes, worst issues too. Firstly the less severe one is the gas, I have genuinely scared the cats multiple times with my farts, they never stink but they are just so incredibly loud and violent sounding, like explosive farts. But the second and by far worse issue is the bowl movements. My body regularly goes 1-3 times in the morning, then that's it, I'm done. But lately I keep having issues where I need to go late afternoon/evening times which is not normal for me, but also, usually I go quite easily, I sit down, it comes out, it's fine, like literally within 5 seconds I'll sit on the toilet and be done, but lately I can be on the toilet for 30 minutes, just feeling like I need to go but can't, but feeling like it can come out any moment. Also, yeah, TMI but it has been unpleasant. At about 5 pm today I felt I had to go toilet, it's what's become normal now, stomach pains, noises, gas, feeling like I need to go but can't, when all of a sudden, yeah, it all just violently shot out like a shot gun blast in one go, and the colour which was incredibly dark, consistency, everything, like something seemed seriously wrong. But mid way through writing this I have had to go back to the toilet cause my stomach feels so messed up, but once again just nothing

I just don't know what I would have eaten that would cause me literally near constant pain, gas, and all these toilet issues for about a week. I just hope it stops soon, it hurts so fucking much, is so unpleasant, and I just am sick of feeling like I'm constantly on the verge of shitting myself, while having diarrhoea, while also constipated. Cause again, I cannot stress enough, as much as the bowl movements are vile and unpleasant, and the whole feeling like I need to go but can't just is getting to me, it's the pain. It isn't constant, but when it starts up it is like my intestines and anus have just exploded open, it hurts so fucking much to the point a few times I have started pacing because I'm in so much pain. My stomach is killing me right now. I don't believe it is food poisoning, I just have no idea what's caused this

[redfoxrunt]

Dear diary, it's me again.

In other words, yeah, I'm here to whine. So - I use this blog so rarely for anything other than wiping my brain clean that I don't remember what I've written here, and like... let's be real, I'm not going to look. I can't imagine it being anything but depressing, because, true to the nature of a blog, what the fuck else is a guy going to write in his if not the most depressing shit that can't be talked about elsewhere.

Okay, I've been less unhinged lately. I've made some progress. But I've got nagging unmet needs that I don't even get to talk about, which is fun, because like - these are fucking fundamental needs to me. And I'm just sitting here ignoring them because what the fuck else can I do.

Imagine a guy, okay? He's involved with three people. But none of these three people is primary, he's only like an extra attachment to them already being in stable, established relationships that are #1, right, like, he knows there's no chance in hell he'll ever be more than an extra. Third wheeling but three times over.

If I wasn't in these relationships, I think I'd just be dead at this point, like these things are keeping me at least in some sort of state where some of my needs are being met. But only like... superficially. It's like if you get drunk and hook up with someone it can feel like true love but you're going to bed the night after alone anyway and he didn't even give you his number. It's that kind of a thing. I can lie to myself and everything will be fine but then I feel like, wow, I feel kind of nice today, I could take a pic and send it to.... no one.

And that fucking hurts. Like, there isn't one person I can just... do that to, and not feel like it's uninvited.

Another thing. Like... a year ago, I bought some rope. Okay, TMI. But I haven't even opened it because there's just... nobody to share that with. Like, I need to feel like I can trust someone again. I need to feel like someone will have my back at my most vulnerable and care for me and protect me because I haven't had that since forever ago. Maybe I never did. Right? And this fucking bit of rope right here is such a reminder of like... yeah. I had hopes of that happening. But when it comes down to it, I'm #2. So I don't get a chance to pull it out. Even if I did, I'm not sure if I could put myself in that position with someone who's devoted to someone else. What even am I?

And apparently today's one of those days when I get up like, wow I want to put on something nice and... and then fucking what. Sit here alone in it? Yeah. Great. I got to like, page 2 on Etsy looking at collars and realising that putting that on would be self-harm and nothing more than that. I already feel like an abandoned unwanted fucking dog. Put a collar on and write WHORE on it and it's just perfect, isn't it.

[justagirlsearchingforamuse]

hi! can u pls write sean x fem reader hcs of how he shows affection and him taking care of his s/o on her period <3

• Sean is somewhat awkward about affection but he tries so hard to be casual and chill when he does.

• For example, his favorite thing is to hold your hand and he'll do it often, when you're both walking home, chilling and smoking a bowl, or whenever you guys are together.

• He also loves resting the back of his hand against your cheek, he'll often do it before kissing you. Or whilst taking to you and it's guaranteed to make you flush different shades of red or smile warmly at him.

• Also, loves to kiss your cheeks especially after joking around with you or when he's showing you off.

• He loves to show affection when you both are just hanging out, in each other's arms and familiar embraces.

• "Your hair looks really cute today, babe ..." His fingers would caress your smooth and soft locks of hair before bringing you closer into his arms.

• For my weed smokers and stoners, he'll share whatever he's smoking with you regardless of if it's his last.

• "You can have the first hit." Handing you the lit cigarette as he would watch you take a few puffs of the cigarette, admiring your smooth and soft lips.

• "Come on, don't hog it all, babe." He'd chuckle before you'd hand it to him, he might kiss you in between cigarettes smokes. But he prefers to hold your hands.

• He tries to show affection in small doses or in comforting ways, he's your best friend before he's your boyfriend.

• As your bestfriend and boyfriend, he could sense something was off with you, visiting you after school.

• You both usually walked each other home or took the bus together but you haven't been feeling it too much.

• Been asking your parent to take you to school and when you'd meet up with each other, you'd be kinda moody and you didn't have to energy to do much.

• "hey, what's been up with you, bby? been really moody and shit lately?" he had texted you earlier that morning.

• "just haven't been feeling shit recently. also I know the kettle ain't calling the pot black?" you wrote back, an irritated expression on your face.

• "I'm not that moody. 🙄 but gonna come over after school. could smoke a bowl? 😏" he wrote back.

• "whatever, drama queen, lol. also pls do. haven't had any in a while. also will have the munchies so get something for us to eat, pls bby. 😫" you wrote back, smiling at your phone.

• "what u want? mcdonalds? some candy and shit? also just thought about it I think i know what you're dealing with. if you want could buy a heating pad but you gotta pay me back." he wrote, sighing to yourself, you begin to write back.

• "at least I didn't have to tell you. also, pls bby and thank you. I love too much. 😣" you wrote back, a short chuckle leaving your lips.

• He of course comes over, gets you fed and comfy, he makes sure you have a lot of blankets, snacks, and plenty of cuddles.

• Possibly watching Netflix shows and movies a few of those days when you're on your cycle.

• Don't ask him to go shopping for feminine products tho. This man has never had to buy pads, tampons, and doesn't know much about how it works.

• "Babe, could you buy me some pads, please? 🥺"

• "Sorry but can you explain it to me. Have literally never had to buy pads."

• "It's not that hard, tho. Pls. 🥺🥺🥺"

• "I'll try but I will need help, baby."

• Inserts him in the store staring cluelessly at all the feminine products and it's probably been about 20 minutes when it should've been 10 minutes at most.

• "Tf is wings? Like tf you need wings for?"

• "I just need them, pls. But if you must know it keeps everything from spilling out."

• "TMI. 😭"

• "You asked."

• "I regret asking. Still looking for your feminine products."

• He spends 20 minutes in the store just to come out with something wrong and Sean would probably be facepalming.

[jihyocentric]

I will ever understand how entitled people get over art like if you aren't actually the one writing and when it takes you a minute to read you might not think much of it but this shit is not just something we magically brain blast onto word documents. It's work that we do because we love sharing stories. Even an hour of writing is not just "an hour of writing" lmao there's so much of ourselves that goes into it and the least readers can do is respect our boundaries over something like this wtf.

Imagine being the one who wants something then treating the person who could do it for you like utter shit it's so????

Anyway, I'm really sorry this happened Lumi. I hope me sending this doesn't bring it up again or make you feel bad about it but I just wanted to send this as a writer that really loves your work. I haven't been reading long but it's cause of you and other twice writers that I decided to return to tumblr and just write out all my horny lil ryeji thoughts. I just hope you also know there's loads of people that really love and appreciate your work and that dumbass trying to use the semantics of paragraph length to get under your skin deserves none of your time

oh don't worry my friend, i don't feel bad. i was anxious, a tad bit, but after i said something about it i feel much better! lol keep up with the horny ryeji thoughts, i'm not an itzy stan but i enjoy what i read from you <3

and btw, 3-4 sentences is the common length for a paragraph in my native language. for essays, that is. more than five and you lose points if it's an exam. i study linguistics/literature for a living, they won't get to me by trying to correct me at what i ace, i assure you that! but let's forget that rag. they mean nothing.

about writing (i'll ramble a bit so yall can skip this), i feel like our reward is seeing that people enjoy it. like, to me, a feedback and knowing people will read and have a good time reading what i made is all i need. it's not hard to give support to writers, all you gotta do is give a like to the post you read, maybe reblog it, and if you feel like it, send a kind ask! it makes the hours we spend working on that worthy.

but it feels like what we write is just some kind of product to some people (not my sweet anons, of course! i'm talking about the shitty ones like that one) and it used to be a lot of pressure sometimes — having to write, having to fill everything i got in my inbox. having to. but lately i noticed i don't have to anything. i don't have to write everything i get and i don't have to tolerate shitty people just because i want to be nice. if i'm going to use my time to make something for them, the very least that they can do is just... not be an asshole. the bare minimum.

okay, end of tmi. thank you for the ask, and i knowww my readers are the best! don't worry about me, i'm all good, really. tbh i just answered that last ask bc i wanted to see them embarrassing themselves lol