#i haven’t had real physical contact since I was 17 i am so lonely

[of-mutts-and-men]

How does one acquire a person that will dress me in pup gear and take me to a gay bar. Asking for me.

[scripttorture]

I’m an Anastasia fanfic and I wanted it to be more realistic. In terms of Russian revolution and being held captive and (almost) killed, would what Anastasia went through have qualified as torture since the people doing it were now in power? My thinking is the torturers (abusers?) have a lot of anger that is motivated by politics and personal ambition and hate for the family. They are incompetent enough that Anastasia escapes, but how can I portray incompetence as a result of torture and not

(Anastasia 2) not simply them being ‘new’ and inexperienced considering the revolutionists haven’t been in power for years like the Romanovs. I was also considering memory problems as a symptom to echo the amnesia she had in the film. I am also considering anxiety, insomnia, an aversion to touch, and perhaps one more traditional symptom from the masterpost. If you have a suggestion for it, or any other aspect of the story, that would be appreciated.

-

I’m not familiar with this fandom but I’m assuming it’s not some kind of niche history fandom? I had to ask round the Fam to get an explanation for this, so I think we can safely say I’m unfamiliar with the canon.

 For the sake of stating my biases I find the idea of a children’s movie centred on Anastasia Romanov a little… macabre. But hey I watched sausage smugglers growing up and played games centred around police brutality, so who am I to judge? I might ot ‘get’ the story but think I can help. :)

 I’m going into this with a little bit of background knowledge about this historical incident (ie the death of the last members of the Romanov line) but I don’t know much Russian history to put it into context.

 I’ll start with the first question: yes I think legally speaking you could make an argument that any abuse the Romanovs suffered was torture. Whether the people who held them were technically in power or not they were an armed group powerful enough to control territory. It doesn’t matter whether they were recognised rulers, they were in de-facto control of a significant area and number of people. They were organised. They had a command structure.

 This is a sufficient level of control, power and organisation that, yes, I think you could class them as torturers. It’s certainly not the action of a lone individual doing something horrible on a whim. Abuse in these circumstances would be either ordered or tacitly condoned.

 That makes it torture.

 I think your characterisation of the torturers’ motivations seems sound. This is something that can happen.

 I would add a note of caution here that perhaps applies more to history then the canon you’re working from. A lot of people had a lot of legitimate grievances with the Romanovs. Russia had just come out of a disastrous war, flu had killed a lot of people and I think there was also a major problem with food supplies throughout the country.

 Tsar Nicholas was at best incompetent in a way that lead to the deaths of millions of his subjects. He presided over disastrous wars, economic collapse and widespread attacks on Jewish people. He is widely reported to have refused to take advice or change his mind with changing circumstances.

 Russian losses in Nicholas’s war with Japan are estimated at between 43,000-120,000 people. The organised attacks on Jews during his reign claimed an estimated 4,500 lives. The ‘Bloody Sunday’ of 1905 led to an estimated 1,000 dead or wounded. And then there was the First World War, to which Russia lost an estimated 2 million soldiers and almost half a million civilians. For context the high estimates say Russia lost 2% of their population.

 There were a lot of poor, sick, starving people who had lost loved ones over issues that seemed trivial and far away. While the royal family was incredibly rich and not doing much to help their people.

 This by no means justifies their abuse and murder. But be careful about trivialising the anger these people felt. They had cause. And while the Grand Duchesses didn’t have much real power the Tsar and Tsarina certainly did.

 By directing their anger at the monarchs they were targetting someone who had caused many of their problems. Having lived in an absolute monarchy, I can understand their frustration and the urge to lash out at an easy target rather then settle down to the harder work of solving the problems absolute monarchs cause.

 I don’t know what this cartoon shows of the Romanov’s treatment and deaths.

 My impression from what I’ve read is that the rumours surrounding the survival of one of the younger daughters came from the lack of bodies. There was also a report that the girls (this was apparently true of some of servants too) had sewed jewels into their corsets, in order to hide them from the guards and that bullets had ricochetted off the diamonds, acting like armour.

 Several of the girls were stabbed to death after the shooting stopped. An account claims one of them survived this and was clubbed to death at the mass grave.

 Survival in the sort of scenario the Romanovs actually went through is unlikely because it isn’t the torture that killed them. This was an execution. Of a large number of people yes, but the executors wanted to ensure every single one of them was dead. So after the bullets stopped and the smoke cleared they stabbed the bodies, they cut throats.

 This is not unusual in these circumstances. It is pretty rare for someone to survive these kinds of mass shootings of prisoners in a confined space.

 Honestly the closest I can think of to a survivors account is this. The victim is a child describing one of the worst attacks on a school in the modern era.

 My instinct is that for someone to survive the kind of attack that the Romanovs and their servants were subjected to, she’d have had to be both very lucky and very obviously wounded in a way many people would assume was fatal.

 I’d suggest using that. Have medical professionals comment on how unlikely, or lucky, the story is. Have the executioners notice this one is alive and then shrug and say well she won’t be for much longer go ahead and throw her in the pit.

 My instinct is that this is separate to torture.

 The Romanovs changed hands several times over the course of their imprisonment. As I understand it conditions for them gradually worsened but were not originally torturous.

 Later prisons cut their contact with the outside world completely, discouraged talking amongst themselves and banned talking to the guards. Some of them had no natural light and there are accounts of both the children and the Tsarina being threatened with guns or shot at for being too close to windows or trying to look outside.

 I’m finding it difficult to definitively say what they went through because the accounts I’m finding don’t seem to understand clean torture. So I’m seeing a lot of possible abusive actions here, but I’m unsure how to label them all because they’re being described inconsistently.

 They weren’t in solitary confinement, but there are definite attempts at isolation here. There are accounts of the daughters being sexually harassed (no accounts I could find of assault, this was all verbal or crude graffiti). I am unsure if the rations constituted a starvation diet or not. The son was deprived of medical care. The prison conditions certainly seem torturous towards the end, but I feel like I’m missing a lot of details that would let me describe precise physical effects.

 I don’t think you need to go into detail about any of this if you don’t want to but you could use this period of imprisonment to establish the incompetence of the guards.

 I would do it by writing two distinct groups of guards. One group that threatens and harasses and potentially tortures the family, and a second group who don’t do these things, concentrating on guard work instead.

 Having established the two groups I’d show that while the first group is on duty the family or their servants can actually get away with more things. So- if the first group is harassing older sister Olga, they may not notice that the Tsarina was too close to the window again.

 If the idea is that Anastasia escapes before the family is executed then I’d show that happening while the first group of guards in on duty. If she’s there when the family are executed then I’d have members of the first group displaying the ‘well she’s mostly dead’ attitude that allows her to survive.

 Essentially it’s about showing that if a guard is concentrating on making their prisoner feel bad, they are not concentrating on where all the prisoners are and what they’re doing. If a guard treats making the prisoner feel bad as their primary task then that guards has stopped doing their job.

 If you’re using an escape then a way to do this would be to have one member of the family ‘provoke’ the torturers, creating the opportunity for some of the children to escape.

 Amnesia, in the way it’s traditionally used in fiction, is not how memory problems due to trauma typically work. I get the impression you’re aware of that.

 I prefer using accurate memory problems but I understand that the canon has probably left you in a difficult position here.

 Typically torture/trauma survivors don’t forget their identity or older, childhood memories. They also don’t typically forget the abuse they suffered. In fact it’s more common for them to remember it in awful (but not necessarily accurate) detail.

 There is an exception: young children, under the age of about 7, can sometimes forget large chunks of their identity after trauma if they are then raised by people who can’t/don’t reinforce that identity.

 The real Anastasia was 17 when she died. That’s too old to forget who she was.

 So how do we square this?

 My instinct that mixing several memory problems rather than relying on memory loss alone is the better bet.

 Anastasia is the name of a saint who was apparently very popular in European Orthodox churches. A lot of girls Anastasia Romanov’s age probably shared that name. And a lot of them probably changed it to something less associated with the church when the Bolsheviks took power. Making something old and essential like her name a decision rather than a result of trauma would help.

 But I think the main piece of advice I have would be use inaccurate memories rather then memory loss alone, as the major memory problem.

 Because if this child is aware that most of her normal day-to-day memories are inaccurate, then she could remember vast chunks of her childhood and dismiss them as false.

 At the height of their power the Romanovs had a lot of servants. Anastasia could remember the palaces, the royal family, the wealth she was surrounded by, and assume she saw this as a servant rather than as a member of the family.

 If her memory is patchy anyway then that seems like a reasonable conclusion. She could also remember being arrested and imprisoned, being harassed by guards, being cold and hungry. And this would fit with her earlier conclusion because many of the Romanov’s servants were treated badly by the new regime (some of them died with the family).

 Insomnia would feed into this and make it worse.

 Partly because insomnia in and of itself causes memory problems (it interferes with our ability to form longer term memories) and partly because of some of the other effects serious insomnia can have: microsleeps and hallucinations. Microsleeps are short periods of unconsciousness that occur when someone is very very tired. People can dream vividly during these short periods of sleep. And the result can be a blurring of reality and dream as they sleep in short bursts and then wake again, unaware that they slept at all.

 Combined with the occasional hallucination and inaccurate memories this sort of scenario could very easily make a child doubt her own memories. It could result in a situation where she does remember big chunks of her life and childhood but convinces herself they were not real or interprets them differently.

 She might end up remembering her father and The Tsar as two separate people. She might convince herself she was a servant in the palace because that seems the more likely explanation. She might mix up memories of servants she knew from infancy with memories of family members.

 Combined with anxiety and avoidance of these memories (or anything that brings them up-) I think you could quite plausibly build up a character who hasn’t so much forgotten her past but is really confused about it. When memories are this muddled and painful it’s often easier for a character to just claim they don’t remember. Especially if there’s a lot of discrimination against mentally ill people in the setting. Because- well explaining that your memory is a mess and you hallucinate tends to convince people you’re ‘crazy’, whereas telling people you ‘don’t remember’ and you were badly injured often leads to a more sympathetic response.

 I’ll finish this up with the question of any additional symptoms.

 I think that if you’re using two types of memory problems (memory loss and inaccurate memories) with anxiety and insomnia then you’ve already got a reasonable number of symptoms.

 If you wanted to include more I think panic attacks and social isolation could both fit very well with the symptom set you have and the setting/character. Social isolation does seem like a particularly likely outcome for a child who was imprisoned for part of her development, lost her family and is suffering from severe mental health problems.

 There aren’t really bad picks, it’s more a case of thinking about what fits with the character you want to establish and the story you want to tell. If you want a story that’s got a more optimistic bent then suicidal feelings and addiction in a teenager may not be good picks.

 Personality change might be a good pick but I think that depends on how much of your story deals with Anastasia before her family are killed. For personality change to work well in a story I think you need to be able to establish the character’s personality before and after the traumatic event. That might not work with the plot you have planned.

 I have a post on sleep deprivation here that you might find helpful.

 Beyond that, I think you’ve got a good starting point here and a reasonable, realistic concept.

 I hope that helps. :)

Availableon Wordpress.

Disclaimer

[tiny-circus]

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? I am confused how someone has stolen my identity and has started making accounts in my name :( so shit.

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? No, mornings aren’t good haha

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? Yeah weed just makes people so unproductive. It would annoy me. If it was a social thing I wouldn’t mind buttttt would rather they didn’t. 

4: Do you find it easy to trust others? Yeah once the trust is earned or I’ve got to know someone well. Some people are very open and easy to trust 

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night? Watching the Hobbit

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?  Probably Steven lol 

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? Leave, block, delete and never talk to again. There’s not much you can do when you’ve been cheated on other than pick yourself back up again and have time alone.

8: Are you close with your dad? Not really.

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right? I did not babes

10: What are you listening to? Just got peep show playing in the background :P

11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it? Tea

12: Do you like hickeys? Hate them. Ew.  

13: What time do you go to bed? Usually 11:30 - 12pm

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down? No, I don’t tend to stick around when someone continuously does that

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? Who cares? XD

16: Do you always answer your texts? Yeah leaving them unread is so annoying

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? Nah, hate is a strong word and it happened a long time ago. All water under the bridge now.

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? An hour or so ago

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? Yeeeeeah all my friends do 

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? Probably something old like “my back still hurts”

21: Is anyone else in the room with you? Nah bare alonez right now

.22: Do you believe what goes around comes around? Yeah

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now? I’m about the same

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? Not really

25: In the past week, have you cried? I shed a little tear reading Kingdom of Ash but I couldn’t have a full on cry in the middle of the train XD 26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing? Red

27: Do people ever call you by your last name? No its so rude when people call someone by their last name. I don’t like it

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now? I dunno?

29: Do you have a best friend? No I’m not 5 30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? Wouldn’t be hard but I wouldn’t want to see it

31: Who was your last call from? EE - sorting out stupid identity theft shit

32: Are you mad at anyone? I’m a little annoyed. I have a friend that barely contacts me at all (which is fine, we’re all busy and have our lives) but when they do contact me its to talk about their problems that they don’t ever sort out over and over again.  I also don’t think it takes much of their time just to say “hey, what’s up, how’re you?” 

33. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? Yeah I think most people have been a little older

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? I don’t know, 29? 35: How many more days until your birthday? I am not counting, soz babe

36: Do you have any summer plans yet? Probably book a holiday to Greece, haven’t thought that far ahead 

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? Yes

38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? I guess I’m keeping my feelings about the friend that barely messages me. I think I’ll have the conversation at some point but they get very anxious and upset whenever I voice a concern.

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? Not that I can think of

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? Probably, some have been so bad XD

41: Do you think age matters in relationships? If you’re both consenting adults and there isn’t some weird power control then I guess its okay

42: Are you available? Available for? ;) 43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended?   Two people

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? Lip

45: Do you believe exes can be friends? Yeah I think they can. I think if nothing awful happened and it ends okay, you both need some time apart to get used to having that distance between each other and do your own thing. Once you’re both in the same space mentally it can work.

46: Do you regret anything? Not really

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? Thinking about what is on my mind xD

48: Did you ever lose a best friend? I’ve drifted from people, yeah

49: Was your last kiss a mistake? Not a mistake, I liked him at the time but it didn’t work out. Oh well.

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? I got over the person I liked cos he didn’t want anything serious. I’ve been single for a while so, I don’t really want to mess around

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? No

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? Yeah sometimes, mostly just send each other weird memes

53: What was the last thing you ate? Homemade bread

54: Did you get any compliments today? No

55: Where are you going on your next vacation? JAPAN AND SOUTH KOREA :D

56: Do you own anything from other countries? I mean my whole wardrobe is mostly from Japan xD

57: Are most of your friend guys or girls? Half and half, but I’ve always got on better with girls

58: Where have you lived most of your life? Good ol’ Billerz

59: When was the last time you took a long drive? I don’t know

60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle? No I don’t wanna kiss gross people xD

61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house? I’m not American so Idk what that is

62: Who do you text the most? Faun

63: What was the last movie you saw? The Hobbit

64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex? The fact that I don’t have a boyfriend/girlfriend right now xD

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2010? 1

66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you? No

67: Do you curse around your parents? Yeah

68: Are you happy with where you live? S'ight, three stops from London so I ain’t complaining : P

69. Picture of yourself? Just check my profile lol

70. Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships? I’m 100% monogamous

71. Have you ever been dumped? Yeh

72. What do you most like about making out? It leads to spooning which leads to forking

73. Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with? Ye.

74. When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other? The other, I’ve noticed I’m really bad at initiating anything physical. I get kind of nervous? I’m not really a touchy person haha

75. What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive? The face and hair

76. Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed? Mum 

77. Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour? >___>

78. Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name? >____>

79. What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face? When someone messages me something really sweet, or take the time out of their day just to speak to me. I think a little effort goes a long way

80. Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already? Honestly depends on how strongly I feel about that person. I don’t want to say no because until I’m in the situation I don’t know

81. Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you? Yeah

82. Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush? Noooooooo I don’t tell anyone until I’m actually with that person. Idk I just have this paranoia that voicing my feelings to other people will ruin it or something will go wrong. So I just keep it to myself until things progress between me and the person I like

83. Do you miss your last sweetie? My what?

84. Last time you slow danced with someone? Never xD

85. Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met? No, how does that work?

86. How can I win your heart? Make an effort, sense of humour, be respectful and kind and sociable 

87. What is your astrological sign? Gemini

88. What were you doing last night at 12 AM? Watching peep show and using my massage machine. My back has been in a lot of pain lately. Getting old init xD

89. Do you cook? Yeah gotta to stay alive 8)

90. Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication? Yeah they got in contact with me. To be honest most guys end up getting back in touch, its either for a booty call, cos they’re feeling shit and lonely or they have a lot of apologising to do.

91. If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship? I don’t wish for it, but if it happens then okay :B

92. Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly? I’m not really into modern dating to be honest. I did it for a while and its a lot of effort and not much pay off. People stop talking for no reason or they don’t give a reason even though you get along. Then you need to build it back up again with someone else. I prefer to just get to know someone after time

93. What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest? Dark hair, baby face, nice fashion style, tattoos

94. Name four things that you wish you had: A long 3 month holiday My own house A cute guy to cuddle ;) Aaaand a million pounds yeah 

95. Are you a player? lol no, I’m very direct. Cba with wasting time

96. Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day? Yeah

97. Are you a tease? Again, I’m very direct so if I want something I’ll say

98. Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr? Yeah

99. Have you ever been deeply in love with someone? Yeash

100. Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with? Nah no one is on here lol

101. Hugs or Kisses? Both :'3

102. Are you too shy to ask someone out? Not really

103. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Cute face, dark hair dark eyes ;) 104. Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe? Everyone should be called babe

105. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it? No I wouldn’t even bother speaking to them

106. Do you flirt a lot? Not at all xD 107. Your last kiss? What about it?

108. Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2011? Up until now? Yeah xD

109. Have you kissed anyone in the past month? Yeah 110. If you could kiss anyone who would it be? TOP

111. Do you know who you’ll kiss next? Nope

112. Does someone like you currently? Nah

113. Do you currently have feelings for anyone? Nah

114. Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? Serious, flings are a waste of time for me 115. Ever made out with just a friend? No thats weird

116. Are you happier single or in a relationship? If the relationship is right, i’ll be happy but Im also happy being single

[imitranslates]

Fukigen na Mononokean Ch. 63

Lots of cute anecdotes about Abeno’s childhood and some ominous foreshadowing in this month’s chapter.

Please remember to check out the official English release when it comes out, preferably on Crunchyroll if you’re able to!

The newest chapter can be read on the official website by clicking the yellow button labeled 読む!

Fukigen na Mononokean Chapter 63 - Unusual path

Page 3

Legislator: ......

Legislator: .......?

Page 4

Abeno: It's nice to meet you.

Abeno: I am Abeno Haruitsuki, an employee of the Mononokean.

Abeno: I'll be in your care.

Legislator: ..........

Legislator: Mmm...

Legislator: Aoi...

This human... Did you kidnap him from the mundane world?

Page 5

Aoi: What a horrible thing to say...

Aoi: We had a fated meeting, when I saved him from being possessed by a demon.

Page 6

Aoi: I took a liking to him, so I decided to take him on as my employee.

Aoi: Please treat Itsuki well from now on.

Aoi: If you do anything to bully him, I'll kill you.

Page 7

Legislator: ...And so,

I got a murder threat from Aoi.

Legislator: That was my first meeting with Itsuki.

Page 8

Ashiya: So Abeno-san was employed after he was saved by Aoi-san...

I didn't know that...

Justice: They came to my place to introduce him, too, but,

When they said they were going down to the Executive's, I went along 'cause I thought it'd be real dangerous.

Ashiya: Then... His first meeting with the Executive was...

Legislator: (Pfft!) The Executive was helpless against Aoi, huh.

Ashiya: ?

Legislator: Even though he had the biggest opposition against her hiring a human,

In the end, he ended up being in charge of Itsuki's schooling at Aoi's insistence .

Justice: But when he taught him, he'd say Itsuki was a quick learner.

He didn't look that bothered about being a tutor.

Even made a room for him in the Songbird's Cage.

(Ashiya: That room, huh...)

Page 9

Legislator: (Even so...) Itsuki was so honest and kind back then...

When the documents on my desk piled up, he'd say, "I want to help!" and organize them neatly for me.

Whenever I said, "I'm tired..." he'd bring over some tea and massage my shoulders.

Justice: Me too...

Justice: He said he wanted to visit all over the Underworld, so he'd get on my back and we'd stroll around...

We'd take a break in the middle to get sweets and eat 'em together.

Once we'd get back to White Sand Prison, he'd curl up on me in place of a futon and take a nap.

Ashiya: (These two have so many fond memories they keep bringing up!)

Ashiya: ...

Ashiya: (It's all...

Stuff I haven't heard, huh.)

Page 10

Justice: ...Hey, Ashiya-kun.

Ashiya: Yes?

Justice: Itsuki's told you about his time with Aoi as the master... right?

Ashiya: !

(There were times he brought up Aoi-san briefly, but...)

Page 11

Ashiya: I haven't heard much from Abeno-san.

Ashiya: All I know is...

The "Abeno-san" since the day he hired me.

Ashiya: I barely know anything about him before then.

Justice: ...Gotcha.

Justice: ...Then, you won't hear it from us.

Page 12

Justice: We're not gonna tell you how Itsuki wound up in the forest.

Ashiya: ...

[I was a little bothered by it, but

It wasn't like I was asking so I could pry into it from the start.

It's fine if I go on not knowing.]

(Legislator: Now then, let's get back inside.

I wonder if Itsuki's done with his report yet.)

(Justice: He's gonna kick you out again if you keep on smoking.)

[...Besides...]

Page 13

[Abeno-san chose to employ me.]

(Legislator: Itsukiii, we're back!)

[He hired someone he just met, whose past he didn't know.]

[If the time comes for me to know about it,]

[Abeno's the one who should tell me, right?]

Ashiya: We're...

Back!

Abeno: !?

Page 14

Tadpole: Ring.

Tadpole: Ring ring...

Legislator: Oh? I wonder who's trying to contact us?

Tadpole: Ring ring...

Abeno: Isn't it the Executive?

Abeno: You still haven't given him a mission report, have you?

Tadpole: Ring.

Legislator: Ah yes, I forgot to send any information.

Justice: So he sent a call once he got annoyed enough...

Legislator: Yes, hello?

Page 15

Voice: Hiiii~

Legislator: ...

Legislator: Oh, Koura, it's you... You scared me...

Koura: ?

Koura: (Hmm?) But I wasn't trying to scare you? Sorry.

(Shizuku: Koura-sama's in a good mood.)

Koura: I have some new information. I wonder if now's a good time to share it?

Legislator: I don't mind.

Koura: It's about the princess's physical condition, though...

Page 16

Ashiya: !!

Justice: Is it bad?

Koura: No. The medicine seems to be effective.

Koura: But she's too concerned about the Underworld to properly rest, so I'm worried that the same thing could happen.

Koura: I want to stay with the princess a little longer, so I'll be leaving Shizuku to mind the store for me while I'm gone.

Legislator: When you say a little longer... how many days is that, exactly?

Koura: (Let's see...) I want to watch her condition for seven days to be safe.

Legislator: I see... I got it.

Page 17

Legislator: In that case, I'll have Itsuki and Ashiya-kun

Stay for in the Underworld for seven days while the princess is being treated.

Ashiya: Huh?!

Legislator: There's a chance of an incident occurring if the princess's divine protection shrinks again.

Your mission will be the same as before, but I'd like for you to be on standby to handle any threats of plague plants or host insects at a moment's notice.

Legislator: You can stay here during your stay.

If you need anything, you can ask my employees.

Page 18

Ashiya: (Staying in the Underworld for seven days?!)

Ashiya: (I'll have to take a break from school, and think of something to tell my mom to explain why I'll be gone...)

Ashiya: (I can't just say OK! to this sudden request... (But the Underworld's in trouble...))

Abeno: Okay.

Legislator: I'm counting on you!

Ashiya: H-hey?! Can't you hold off until further review!?

Koura: Hm? If the Legislator's place is no good, do you want to stay at my place? (Shizuku will probably be lonely by herself...)

Ashiya: N, no... It's not that...

Justice: Since you can't stay unless I'm watching over you...

Wanna come to White Sand Prison?

Justice: I've got lots of rooms.

Ashiya: (By rooms, you mean cells...?!)

Page 19

Legislator: Hairball-kun, you want to stay with Ashiya-kun, don't you? Of course, you're more than welcome to.

Ashiya: (Fuzzy!? When did you get on the Legislator's shoulders?!)

Koura: You're welcome to Kiyakudo.

Justice: White Sand Prison is good.

Legislator: You'll stay here at Newt Lake, right?

Abeno: Anywhere's fine...

Koura&Legislator&Justice: Ashiya-kun? (Where will it be?)

Ashiya: I...

Ashiya: I!!

Page 20

Fusshi: Saga.

Let's buy meatbuns from the convenience store on the way home.

Saga: I want oden.

Fusshi: I'll get some oden with you, then.

Page 21

Zenko: (Did Abeno and Hanae come back yet...?)

Zenko: They're not here...

Zenko: Guess I'll have to try again tomorrow.

Page 22

Ashiya: Tomorrow?

Zenko: Hanae... I thought you weren't back yet.

Ashiya: The teacher asked me to help out with some stuff.

Zenko: You're off today?

Ashiya: Yeah...

Today... Actually, tomorrow and the day after, too.

Zenko: Did you lose your ability to see demons again? (That's why you were on break last time.)

Ashiya: I'm not off because I'm feeling out of it.

The truth is...

Page 23

Zenko: So Abeno's been out since the day before yesterday...

(Abeno: It's enough for one of us to stay in the Underworld.)

Ashiya: I'm working at the Mononokean like usual, but...

I was finishing up what I could do in the morning, so he probably won't call me...

Ashiya: If there's anything I can do...

Mononokean: "It's okay even if I can't see Hanae!" is what he's saying.

Ashiya: That face...

Abeno: That face...

Ashiya: Though his face didn't seem to say it was okay.

So we decided it was better for Fuzzy to stay with me, in case I met any demons while Abeno-san was away...

Zenko: He's looking after the house, then?

(Ashiya: I'm home!)

Ashiya: !

Page 24

Ashiya: A letter?

Zenko: Oh...

Yeah...

Zenko: A letter with...

A spirit photo.

(Ashiya: Spirit...)

Ashiya: !?!?

Zenko: Wanna see...?

Ashiya: (Uwooo?!) Wait...!! Let me prepare my heart first!!

Page 25

Zenko: I'm kidding.

I know you're bad with this kind of thing, so I wanted to ask Abeno's advice directly.

Ashiya: .......

Zenko: Abeno... He'll be back in seven days, right...?

Ashiya: !

Zenko: What will Abeno do if the Underworld Princess's condition keeps getting worse...?

Page 26

Zenko: I don't really understand when I'm with you guys, but...

When I think about Abeno, I really feel like he's someone from another world.

(Even though he's human...)

Page 27

[Shizuku: Even though when Itsuki started working for the Mononokean...!]

[Legislator: Itsuki was so honest and kind back then...]

[Justice: He'd get on my back and we'd stroll around...]

(Long before we met, Itsuki spent his time in the Underworld.)

(He lived surrounded by demons.)

Page 28

[Even if he's human,

He's someone from the Underworld......]

Zenko: I'll visit again next week to ask about the spirit photo.

Ashiya: I'll let him know about it if he calls me for work.

Zenko: Thanks.

(Zenko: Bye-bye!)

(Ashiya: Bye-byeee!)

Page 30

[If the Underworld Princess's condition worsens...]

[He probably won't be able to come back to the mundane world...]

Page 31

Ashiya: (...No, no, no, he has to take care of Fuzzy, too!]

(Next week, he'll definitely be back!)

Ashiya: Next week!!

[xreaderfic-land]

What Lies Beneath Part 18 Red Hood (Jason Todd) X Reader

Summary: Coming back home to Gotham after several years was a tough choice, but you needed to put the past behind you. You blame yourself for Jason’s death and hope that with a medical degree you can have a second chance at saving the kids of Gotham’s streets, but the past won’t stay buried. As the Red Hood invites himself into your life and the little safe bubble of a lie you call life bursts you’re left struggling to cope. Your secret studying of toxins used by Gotham’s villains is sure to land you in hot water eventually, but you’re always up for a challenge. Life is a game of survival and it’s time you joined in.

Co-Author: @inkteller-17   Tags: @jason-todd-rh  @totallynotashieldagent  @exotiicqueen494  @dragons-of-the-usa    @shadowsndaisies  @e-equals-mcommunism-squared    @icycoldbeanieweanies  @peppermint-17  @theskytraveler  @wintersb0ner

Tags CLOSED DUE TO STORY COMPLETION Word Count: 7,175 WARNINGS: Language, Descriptions of Physical Violence

Catch Up Here

—— —— —— —— ——-

Your head rolled to the side as you waited for Joker to begin his stupid villainous spiel. Joker paced back and forth in front of you. His hands tucked behind his back while he watched you carefully.

“Get on with it already,” You spat.

Joker froze mid-step. He turned his rather large grin upon you.

“You know why I had to bring you here, right?” Joker asked.

“Because I was close to ending your virus?” You asked with a hiss.

Joker smiled.  “Feisty one, I see,”

“Just get on with it, will you?” You growled.

“Do you have somewhere to be?” Joker asked.

“You’re wasting your time and your breath, clown-boy,” You said in a low growl.

For that remark, Joker backhanded you. Your head snapped to the side and your mouth filled with a familiar copper taste.

“Insults won’t get you anywhere,” Joker informed you.

You spat a mouthful of blood on the cement next to his shiny black shoes.

Joker scoffed before stepping away from the blood. He continued to circle you. You sat perfectly still. You knew you had to keep him busy. The only way for you to get your hands untied was to keep his attention elsewhere.

“My virus was my baby, you know? I worked very hard on creating her,” Joker said.

“You mean you had Scarecrow working hard on it?” You shot back.

That earned you another slap. This time you felt your lip split. Your tongue flickered over the ripped skin.

“I told you insults will not get you anywhere,” Joker repeated himself.

You picked your head up.

“You already had your fear toxin, so why the virus?” You asked him.

Joker clapped his hands together.

“I’m so glad that you asked,” Joker grinned.

You rolled your eyes.

“The fear toxin brought fear, I’ll admit that, but it wasn’t driving everyone crazy. I just wanted someone to feel just as crazy as I do,” Joker explained.

“You’re criminally insane, no fear toxin or virus is going to make them seem as crazy as you,” You told him.

Joker turned on his heels to face you.

“I saw your symptoms, Joker. Fatigue, dizziness, hard time breathing, tremors, and weakness. Sounds like the common flu to me which also means that your virus wasn’t as powerful as you thought or my stupid little cure wouldn’t have worked,” You said.

Joker’s lip curled in disgust.

“It also causes hallucinations. You forgot the most important part,” Joker said.

“Right, making people see things that aren’t real, that’s real clever,” You scoffed.

You were infuriating to him. How could you not see how hard he had worked? There was only one option left. He was just going to have to show you how clever he really was.

You could tell that Joker was having a complete conversation with himself. You were able to free one hand and then work your other hand free. Keeping your hands behind your back you reached forward to try and dig for the pocket knife in your back pocket.

“I know that you haven’t had a taste for the real thing so I’m going to change that,” Joker said with a sinister smile.

Your head snapped up. You watched as Joker practically skipped over to the table and he lifted a giant needle. You gulped. You were going to have to react fast on this one.

Slowly, Joker made his way towards you. Your hand wrapped around the pocket knife and grasped it tightly. You were waiting. Once Joker was in arms reach you lunged forward. Your feet were still tied to the chair, but you used your upper strength to swipe at him.

Joker was expecting that. He easily knocked the small knife from your hand and then grabbed you around your waist pinning your arms to your sides.

“I didn’t realize you were this stupid,” Joker hissed in your ear.

Leaning back you tried to create as much space as possible as your teeth ground together. A sudden idea had you smiling.

“I’m dumb enough to outsmart you,” You seethed.

Jerking your head forward it smashed against Joker's hard enough to have him staggering back. The restraints still anchoring you to the chair met their short limit as Joker kept most of his hold on you.

A hiss of pain left your lips as your knees buckled before smashing against concrete. A heavy door was thrown open followed by several footfalls nearing you.

“No,” Joker’s cold order had the footfalls stopping, “she’s mine.”

Peeking through your hair you managed to process two of Joker’s goons who’d apparently come to his rescue stopped just a few feet away. As you prepared to rock back on your haunches Joker’s foot shot out to connect with your shoulder sending you back against the floor.

Rolling slightly you watched as Joker readied his foot for another kick. You waited until his foot got close enough before reaching out and grasping around his ankle.

With a harsh tug, you had him off balance and crashing down to your level. Scrambling you drug him toward you just enough to smash your fist against his grinning face.

The satisfaction of finally returning a blow had you raising your arm once more as his sick laughter filled your ears. As your fist shot forward for another blow Joker suddenly caught your hand and pulled you back down against him.

With one of your arms pinned between the two of you and the other locked up trying to regain space between allowed Joker to wrap his legs around your waist.

Your mind raced to recount any defensive maneuver to escape the tight hold.

“Jason put up the same fighting spirit as you not so long ago,” Joker cooed.

Your teeth ground painfully together as you renewed your efforts to struggle free to which Joker tightened his hold even more.

“You’re a little sloppier than he was though,” Joker spoke with nostalgia in his tone.

“I’m going to make you swallow your fucking teeth when you let go,” You promised.

Joker giggled, “I am really going to enjoy seeing you try.”

As Joker spoke he used his free hand not effectively holding you down to jam the needle into your neck. A cry of pain left you as the needle bit into your skin.

It didn’t take another moment before the cool liquid forced into your body suddenly felt like fire.

Gasping at the sensation you barely felt Joker throw you aside as he climbed back to his feet. Your hand flew up against the injection site as your eyes squeezed shut.

“Hurts, doesn’t it?” Joker laughed, “That one I had made special just for your annoying ass. Turned up the fun for you and even added a few things that I’m not even sure about. It’ll be like symptom roulette for you.”

Curling onto your side you tried to focus just on breathing as the fire in your veins spread throughout your entire body. Your lungs felt on the verge of seizing up as your heart rate pounded in your ears.

Your brain decided at that moment to remind you of all the possible virus strains you’d once had written down in your lab. Panic set in allowing adrenaline to dull some of the pain as you rolled to your hands and knees.

The fight or flight response shifted into overdrive as you yanked hard enough at your leg restraints to snap them from the chair. Climbing to your feet you sprinted toward where you thought had been the door.

Several surprised hollars hit your ears spurring you to run faster if possible. Your entire body screamed at you with signals to both do anything to survive and curl up against the pain.

Your shoulder smashed against the metal door throwing it against a nearby wall as you stumbled into an alley. Pouring rain soaked you through as you stomped blindly in any direction that was away from Joker.

Thunder shook the ground under your feet as you stumbled against a wall. Your eyes blurred from the rain and against the pain coursing through you making it hard to tell where exactly you were.

A familiar motor reeved in the distance making hope fill you, even if it was connected to Jason.

A lone headlight bobbed up and down as it crawled along the street several blocks ahead of you. Pushing from the wall you mentally screamed at your feet to move.

As you and the bike made slow progress toward each other you shouted for Jason hoping he’d hear you over the rain.

“Jason!” You throat stung as you screamed his name.

You watched as the bike skid to a halt as it rounded a corner. You could make out Jason straightening away from the bike’s gas tank as he scanned through the rain.

Another block or so and you’d be in range for him to see and hear you better.

Inhaling you readied to shout again only for it to come all whooshing back out when something connected flat against your chest. Your feet struggled to keep up as whatever had hit you sent you backward.

As your back connected with the cold ground your vision swam. When it finally cleared enough you made out Joker’s goons encircling you from above before Joker himself peered down.

A smile lifted Joker’s lips, “Oh no you’re not allowed to leave me quite so fast little one. You see since Jason has been away from me I’ve been lacking fun in my life, and you’re going to be his stand-in.”

With another cruel laugh, Joker took enjoyment in kicking the side of your already bruised head. As his foot made contact your vision blackened once more.

------     -------    -------

Clawing your way back to consciousness was spurred on by the unbearable heat radiating from your body and constant pull on your ribs.

Moving to readjust your arms to alleviate the pain only resulted in the sound of metal clinking. Peeling your eyes open you were gifted a reason for being unable to find a more comfortable position.

Your hands had been handcuffed together and fed to a chain drilled into the ceiling. A heavy breath left your lips as your muscles weakened at having to hold your head up for too long.

With your head now propped against your raised arms, you could make out restraints also tethering your feet barely to the floor.

Balancing your weight between your arms and toes made your already firing pain receptors go non-stop. A groan left your lips when your one leg slipped a bit forcing your weight to bare down on your wrists.

“I tried to be nice and allow you a chair to sit, but after your little stunt I think I prefer you standing.”

Joker’s faux painfilled words sounded from behind as he slowly rounded to your front.

You swallowed hard upon seeing the long thin metal piece he nonchalantly swung between his fingers. Joker studied your expression at seeing the crowbar in his hand.

“Ah, you like this?” Joker looked at the bar appreciatively, “It’s an old favorite of mine. Created some good memories with it. With Jason.”

Joker’s tone made your stomach drop as he circled behind you once more. You could feel him standing directly behind you.

“I have to say I’m a little disappointed with you. Your little escape attempt forced us to relocate as to ensure our continued bonding time.”

“Let me down and I’ll bond with you a whole lot more.”

Your words lost some of their impact when they come out laced with weariness. Joker clicked his tongue at your words.

“Bad girls aren’t allowed to play back,” Joker spoke while the crowbar tapped off the concrete allowing a metallic sound to echo around you.

Your fists opened and closed as you struggled to free your hands. You could feel the skin already on the verge of breaking against the biting metal cuffs, but it still paled in comparison to everything else going on internally.

Joker hummed to himself before a small chuckle left him.

“I have just the thing to make our game more fun. Well fun for me and a tough lesson for you.”

You felt Joker draw nearer to your backside before something covered your eyes sending you into wakeful darkness. Shaking your head you tried to rub the blindfold from your eyes but Joker was much quicker in tying it off tight.

You felt Joker step back, “I’ve heard that taking away sight makes bodily sensations much more intense. And you being my special guest I want you to enjoy all the best surprises possible.”

“Joker you fucking-” You started.

Your words morphed into a scream of pain as what you could only assume to be the crowbar smashed against your thigh.

Instinct had you jerking your leg up before it stopped short as the chain hit its end. Your weight wobbled between your one other leg and overhead arms.

Breathing had already been a taxing effort but managed to become even more so.

“That’s for giving my poor fellow men such a hard time when gathering you.” Joker spoke lowly.

You barely managed to tuck your mouth against your arm to muffle the next yelp of pain as Joker sent the bar against your other leg.

“That’s for spitting at my shoes.” Joker sneered.

Tears clogged your throat as each swing Joker took had you already constantly firing pain receptors jumping to a new level of searing heat. The sound of Joker’s laughter bounced off the walls around you.

“Oh and let’s not forget to repay you for the general pain in the ass you’ve been!” Joker said this time with more glee.

Joker’s gleeful shout was mirrored with several swings smashing against your ribcage. White burst behind your scrunched shut and blindfolded eyes in pain. The sickening feel and sound of your ribs snapping ricocheted in the air making it harder to hold in your screams.

------   ------

It felt like hours had passed before Joker had eventually let the crowbar drop to the floor before tearing your blindfold off and fucking off to someplace else. Tremors shook your form pulling on old and new wounds.

Your vocal cords felt numb and were surely torn, but you couldn’t be bothered to care.

Blinking slowly you tried to stay awake. If you fell asleep you weren’t overly confident you’d wake back up if the blood matting your clothes to you was anything to go by.

A shuddering breath jarred your ribs making you whimper.

“Y/n?”

A familiar voice called your name drawing your eyes up from the floor. Your eyes widened at the sight of Jason slowly advancing toward you with concern in his eyes.

Your body straightened a bit in shock, “Jay?”

Your hoarse voice had you cringing as Jay continued forward with his hands up. Jay’s eyes scanned your form.

“I’m going to get you out of here.”

You shook your head vigorously, “No, Jay get out of here. He could come back--”

“It’s okay, doll. I’m not leaving you. Remember?”

Jason’s soft tone had tears springing to your eyes. After everything you’d said before you left the manor you weren’t sure you even deserved his bravery or kindness.

As Jason got within a foot of you a loud bang echoed through the room. You watched as Jason’s mouth dropped open, his eyes wide.

His gaze dropped to his chest the same time yours did.

Deep red blossomed across the center of his chest until the Red Hood symbol was indistinguishable.

“No,” Your voice broke as Jason relooked at you, “No. Jay, please!”

Blood slowly dribbled from the corner of Jason’s mouth as his knees buckled. As his form fell against the floor you yelled at him.

“Jay! Jay, please no, Jay!” You pulled frantically at your restraints, “Jay look at me! Come on, please! Stay awake! Jason!”

The sound of cold laughter had you looking up across the room with hard eyes.

“You fucking asshole! I swear to God I’m going to fucking kill you!” You shouted through tears.

Joker rocked back on his heels with more laughter, “You’ve got to be kidding me! He’s your biggest fear?!”

Joker wiped a tear from his eye, “Oh this is just too good.”

His words had you blinking in confusion. Joker simply waved his hand around the room, Looking around you failed to notice anyone else besides the two of you.

Jason was nowhere to be seen.

“But--But he was--” You stumbled in disbelief.

“Not here my dear. No one is coming for you here. Nor will they find you. So long as I see fit you’re stuck here to entertain me with all your fun little sounds. Which by the way I forgot to mention your bones, when they snap, sound just like Jason’s used to.”

“You sonofabitch!” You yelled.

Joker looked at you seemingly bored before checking his nonexistent watch, “It would seem I have another matter to look after. Do be a dear and enjoy yourself in my absence. I promise when I get back we can have another round with good Ole Mr. CrowBar.”

“Come back here, Joker! Come here and face me!”

Your shouts were answered with a metal door slamming shut before a lock engaged.

Your ribs painfully protested against your heaving breaths as silence descended upon you once more. Disbelief still had its teeth deeply embedded into your brain as you looked back down to where Jason had last lain.

What remained in his place on the floor was a small pool of your partially dried blood.

Swallowing thickly you realized that what you’d seen had been a hallucination caused by the virus.

A very realistic hallucination that had been real enough to fill your sense with Jay’s smell. The telltale hint of leather and cigarettes.

Your brain worked unhindered by the throbbing in your skull in an effort to try and believe what had happened. The image of Jay’s shirtfront staining red made bile rise in your throat.

You wished for the ability to erase memories, or even to just fall unconscious until Joker tired of you. You couldn’t handle even the suggestion of being forced to watch Jay fall again and not being able to help him.

Losing him the first time had been hard enough.

“Y/n?”

Tears blurred your eyes as you forced yourself to look at the floor.

“Hey, it’s going to be alright. Look at me doll.”

Tears finally brimmed over as you looked up at the form of Jason. Jay gave a soft smile.

“It’s going to be okay.”

“No, it’s not,” your sore throat worked around the wet words.

“Don’t say that. Of course it--”

Jay’s words were cut off this time as you watched what you assumed to be a hallucination of Joker smash a crowbar off the side of Jay’s head.

As Jason fell to the floor Joker rose the bar upwards before sending it back downwards. You shut your eyes against the sight, but the sound of Jay breaking still processed.

“Y/n, help me!”

A choked sob jarred you, “Please stop.”

For the next several hours those two words would become a new mantra as each new scenario of Jason falling played out before you. Jason always just in reach but never close enough for you to save.

Eventually, the virus would morph internally ensuring that the hallucinations and pain remained as fresh and painful as the first time.

-------  ------

Selina had gotten the call. The call that made her heart drop to her stomach. Y/n was gone. Her apartment was trashed. Jason was frantic. Bruce and the others were already out scanning the streets for her. For any sign of her or who could have taken her. Jason had brought up Joker, but Tim easily pulled his brother from that thought.

But Selina knew better. Selina knew that that sick clown was up to this. Selina hoisted herself up on the edge of the window. Half of the window was missing. Carefully, Selina was able to squeeze herself past the broken glass and drop down into the warehouse. Her shoes made no sound.

Selina looked around the large room. It was empty. She didn’t hear a sound. Selina knew that technically wasn’t a good thing. Staying close to the walls and using the shadows to her advantage, Selina slunk across the room. She had an idea of where Joker possibly had Y/n tucked away.

As Selina made her way down the hall she could hear Harley’s high pitched voice. She may hate that Harley couldn’t see past Joker’s sick ways, but if she was here that meant Joker was busy giving Selina the perfect opportunity to find Y/n and get her out of this hellhole.

The very last room on the left Selina poked her head around the corner. There Y/n was. Tired. Beaten. Bloody and broken. Selina’s stomach turned at the sight of her. She didn’t deserve this. The kid was only trying to do what she thought was best. She wanted to make a difference. Selina couldn’t blame her.

Sneaking into the room Selina crept her way over to Y/n. She reached out and gently grabbed Y/n’s face in her hands. Y/n woke with a startled gasp. Selina immediately covered her mouth with her hand.

“Hush now, you’re safe,” Selina cooed.

Y/n screamed into her hand. She was mumbling and stumbling over her words. Selina was able to make out that Selina was fake.

“Y/n,” Selina said sternly.

Y/n only tried pulling her head away.

“Y/n, look at me! Look at me right now!” Selina ordered.

Slowly, Y/n brought her head up so she could look deep into Selina’s eyes.

“I am not a hallucination. It’s me. You’re safe now, okay? I’m going to get you out of here,” Selina said.

“You’re a fake,” Y/n said once Selina removed her hand.

“Yeah and you’re Queen Elizabeth,” Selina hissed as she quickly made work at Y/n’s ties.

When Y/n was slumped against her, Selina quickly picked her up bridal style.

“Jason,” Y/n muttered.

“I’ll get you to him, I promise,” Selina said.

“Joker killed him,” She cried.

“Shh, no he didn’t,” Selina said as she moved out of the room and quickly making her way out of the warehouse without getting caught.

-------------------

They were coming up empty-handed. None of this made sense. How could she just up and disappear? Jason really thought that it was the Joker that took her, but Tim had helped him search her apartment. There was no calling card. Joker always left a calling card. He enjoyed showing off and bragging too much to forget.

“Gordon is going to put his best men on this and help find Y/n,” Bruce said over the communicator.

Jason rolled his eyes.

“He’s trying to help Jay,” Tim said from next to him.

“What I want is to find Y/n,” Jason growled.

“We’re all doing the best we can. You just have to believe that,” Tim said.

Jason shook Tim’s grasp from his arm and then stormed away. Tim yelled after his brother, but Jason completely ignored him. He was absolutely over it. His family wasn’t getting anywhere. It was time that he took things into his own hands.

Climbing onto his bike he tugged on his helmet. He’d find Y/n by himself. Jason no longer had the patience to be a team player. He was never good at that sort of stuff. Flying down the road, Jason took a sharp right. He’d find Y/n one way or another he’d bring her home safe.

Jason’s phone began to ring. He pulled up the call in his mask to see Bruce’s name. Rolling his eyes Jason ignored the call and continued on his way.

Again, Jason’s phone rang. This time it was Dick. Couldn’t his family get the clue that he didn’t want to talk to them? That he didn’t need their help?

Jason pulled down a side street and began looking for any of the kids that they had recently helped. Maybe, just maybe somebody had seen or heard anything about Y/n and what could have happened to her.

As he scanned the common areas Jason was beginning to come up empty-handed. The longer time went on the chances to find her alive were beginning to dim and Jason was slowly starting to lose hope that he was going to find her.

------

Across Gotham, Selina had dragged Y/n to one of the shadier motels. She was able to get her inside unnoticed and then Selina began working on cleaning her up. She stitched her wounds and bandaged everything else up.

Y/n dozed in and out of consciousness as Selina tended to her. Selina knew that it was going to take days for Y/n’s body to fight the toxin. Without the cure, it was going to be a long process. Selina was worried that Y/n wasn’t strong enough to fight off the toxins or that this time Joker had perfected his virus.

“Selina,” Y/n croaked.

Selina turned from the window to hurry over to the bed. She dropped onto the edge of the bed.

“Hey,” Selina spoke softly.

“Is it really you?” Y/n asked, her voice was thick and hoarse.

“It’s me. I made you a promise. You’re safe,” Selina said.

Y/n closed her eyes trying to hold back the tears.

“Y/n, Joker gave you a rather large dose of his virus. I’m afraid that you won’t be able to get past this,” Selina explained.

Selina could tell that Y/n was trying to think of something. She could see the hard look of concentration on her face.

“My place,” Y/n began.

“Has been destroyed,” Selina pointed out.

Y/n shook her head.

Finally, she opened her eyes to look at Selina.

“I was smarter this time,” Y/n said.

Selina couldn’t help but smile.

“In my closet is a safety lock box. It has a few of my last cures and my notes,” Y/n began.

“Y/n,” Selina interrupted.

“You have to go get them, Selina. My cures won’t cure me 100% but it will at least help me feel better,” Y/n explained.

“I can’t just leave you here,” Selina said.

“Yes, you can, I need you to go,” Y/n told her.

Selina sighed. She could tell that Y/n was beginning to lose consciousness again. She was right if Selina didn’t go now things could get worse for her. But she also knew that she couldn’t leave her alone. Y/n could throw up and end up choking on her own vomit. Selina knew the only thing she could do. She had to call for backup.

Selina walked into the bathroom and closed the door as quietly as she could. She dialed the familiar number. It rang and rang before going to voicemail. Sighing heavily, she called again and again before Jason finally answered his phone.

“What?” Jason snapped.

“Come to the old Motel on Hardwick Lane,” Selina said.

“What?” Jason said in confusion.

“Just get here,” Selina hissed before hanging up on him.

Selina cracked open the door to look over at the bed. Y/n was back to being out cold. Selina walked over to the window and pulled back the curtains. Several long minutes went by when Selina finally heard the familiar sound of Jason’s bike. Selina stepped outside of the motel room and flagged down Jason.

He yanked off his helmet and then walked over to where Selina stood.

“What the fuck is going on Selina?” Jason demanded.

“Come with me,” Selina said.

Jason had no other choice but to follow her inside of the motel room. Selina quickly shut the door behind him. Jason scanned the room. His eyes stopped at the bed. His heart dropped and his stomach rolled. Jason quickly looked over at Selina.

“How? Where?” Jason stumbled over his words.

“Joker,” Selina simply said.

Jason hurried over to the side of the bed. Carefully he dropped down next to her. She let out a small whimper. Taking her hand in his, Jason stroked the back of her hand with his thumb. His throat felt thick as he held back the tears. Y/n was covered in bruises. Blood stained her skin and her clothes. Jason could see where Selina had bandaged most of her wounds.

“Jay she’s really sick,” Selina said.

Jason finally looked over at her.

“Did he inject her with the virus?” Jason’s voice cracked as he asked a question.

“With double the dose, Jay. I have to go, she says that she has some cures hidden away at her apartment,” Selina said.

Jason shook his head. “I’ve been in her apartment. It’s trashed,”

“She had a backup plan, Jason. I know where it’s hidden and along with her notes,” Selina explained.

Jason said nothing as he looked back over her. Her hair was soaked from sweat. He could feel her shivering, but she was hot to the touch. Her lips were beginning to turn blue. Jason closed his eyes.

“I’ll stay with her,” Jason finally said.

“I won’t be gone long. Call me if she changes or gets worse,” Selina said.

Jason nodded.

Selina quickly slipped from the room. Alone, Jason crawled into the bed to lay next to her. She may be sweating, but Jason couldn’t go much longer without having her in his arms. Curling up behind her, Jason pulled Y/n into his arms.

Several minutes went by when she began to stir in his arms. Jason sat up and looked down at her.

“Y/n,” Jason said softly.

He watched as her eyes began to flutter open. They were glazed over and she looked up at him in confusion.

“Jason,” She whispered her lip quivered.

“Hi doll,” Jason greeted with a grin.

“Please, I can’t do this again,” She cried.

“Do what?” Jason asked.

“I can’t lose you again,” She replied.

Jason was confused.

“Doll, you never lost me in the first place,” Jason said.

Even though her body ached, Y/n slid away from Jason. He tried grabbing her arm to keep her from falling out of the bed.

“I won’t be fooled again, Joker!” She screamed.

“Hey! Hey! It’s me,” Jason said.

Panic had already settled in. With a quick jab with her elbow, Y/n hit Jason in the jaw. He released her and she fell out of the bed with a thud. She cried in pain, the blow hardly did any damage to Jason. He sat on the bed in confusion as Y/n hurried to her feet. She stumbled a little and reached out towards the wall to steady herself.

“Y/n, it’s just the toxins talking. You need to calm down,” Jason said.

She furiously shook her head.

“I refuse to watch you die again,” She said.

Slowly and carefully, Jason climbed off the bed. He held up his hands in surrender so she could see that he meant her no harm.

“I’m not going to hurt you. I am not going to die either,” Jason said.

“Liar!” Y/n roared before lunging at him.

Jason wasn’t expecting that and she caught him off guard. She shoved her open palm upwards catching him in the nose. He heard the sickening crunch of his nose and the immediate warmth from the blood. Swearing, he stumbled backward and ended up tripping over his own feet. Jason let out a deep growl as his ass came into contact with the hard floor.

“Fuck,” Jason swore as he popped his nose back into place.

Y/n stood there in shock. Her vision didn’t blacken like last time. He didn’t disappear like all of the other times. Could this really be Jason?

“Jay?” She whispered.

Jason looked up at her.

“Is it really you?” She asked.

Wiping his bloody hands on his jeans he nodded.

“It’s me, baby, it’s really me,” He said.

She let out a long sigh of relief. Falling to her knees she crawled over to him. Ignoring his bloody hands and his still bleeding nose, Y/n crawled into his lap.

“I’m sorry,” She said.

Jason only wrapped his arms tightly around him.

“It’s okay,” Jason said.

Y/n nuzzled her face into the crook of his neck and took in a deep breath. The familiar scent of him filled her nostrils and it brought immediate relief. Letting the tears finally fall, Y/n closed her eyes and just sank into his warmth.

Jason kissed the top of her head and just rocked her back and forth. He sat on the floor a bloody mess, but he didn’t care. She had dropped off after a few minutes and he didn’t dare move as he didn’t want to risk waking her up.

Fifteen minutes later, she woke with a start.

“Shh, you’re okay,” He said.

You looked up at him.

Jason looked down at you.

“Hey you,” He said.

Their conversation didn’t even get to start as the door to the motel opened. Selina quickly slid inside. She froze at the sight in front of her.

“Whoa, what happened?” Selina asked.

“Just a little misunderstanding, but we’re both okay now,” Jason said.

Selina knelt down and checked Jason's nose.

“Why don’t you go get cleaned up and I’ll administer the cure,” Selina suggested.

Jason helped you to the edge of the bed. He squeezed your hand before disappearing into the bathroom. You looked over at Selina.

“Did you find everything?” You asked.

“It was all there,” Selina said pulling off her bag.

She pulled out your notes and set them on the bed next to you. Next, she pulled out a few viles of the cure.

“Give me 50cc,” You said.

Selina looked at you with wide eyes.

“It was a double injection of the virus Selina, we need to try and counteract it,” You explained.

Selina nodded. Jason was just coming out of the bathroom with a clean face as Selina was filling the syringe with the cure.

“Whoa, that’s a lot,” Jason snapped.

“I know what I’m doing,” You shot back.

Jason fell silent. He dropped down next to you and laced your hand with his.

Selina lifted your sleeve and then cleaned a spot on your arm. You squeezed Jason’s hand just as Selina poked your skin with the needle. You let out a small hiss. You watched as the clear liquid disappeared into your arm.

Slowly, Selina pulled the needle out. She quickly covered the spot with a small band-aid. You were feeling tired again. You leaned your head against Jason’s shoulder.

“Your dad has been blowing up my phone,” Selina said

“Shit, I forgot,” Jason said.

“Forgot, what?” You asked looking up at him.

“Everyone is out looking for you,” Jason answered.

“Oh,” You said.

“Stay with her. I’ll go, keep him and your brothers off your trail,” Selina said.

“Thank you, Selina,” Jason said.

Selina nodded.

“Call me for anything,” Selina said.

Jason nodded in return.

Selina kissed your forehead.

“Keep fighting. I’ll be back soon,” Selina said.

You grabbed her arm before she could turn away. She glanced down at you.

“Thank you,” You said.

Selina gave you a soft smile.

“Anytime, you’re family,” Selina replied before quickly leaving.

The two of you sat in silence for a long time. Jason wanted to know what happened. You knew that, but you weren’t quite sure if you were ready to relive everything that happened with Joker.

“I’m sorry,” Jason’s apology broke the silence.

You looked up at him in confusion.

“Why are you sorry?” You asked him.

“I should have known that Joker wasn’t done with you. I know better that he’s a psychotic piece of shit,” Jason explained.

“Hey,” You said cutting him off.

Jason refused to look down at you.

You grabbed his chin and forced him to look at you.

“You are not to blame for this. Creating this cure was my decision, Jason. I knew what I was getting myself into. Especially, after discovering that Joker was behind everything. I kept pushing. Not you. Me.” You told him.

Jason swore and got to his feet. Your hand slid out of his as he began to pace back and forth.

“I’m going to kill him once and for all,” Jason snarled.

“No!” You practically shouted.

Jason stopped pacing and looked at you.

“Hey, it will be alright, I know what I’m doing,” Jason said.

You shook your head.

“Jay, it’s different this time, okay?” You said.

Jason knelt down in front of you.

“Jason, I need to tell you something,” You told him your hand came up to cup his cheek.

Jason placed his hand over yours.

“What is it?” Jason asked.

“Joker knows our fears, Jason. He used mine against me and he’ll use yours against you and the same for everybody else,” You explained.

“Y/n, what happened?” Jason asked.

You knew you had to tell him. You took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“You have to promise to stay calm and that you won’t storm out of here on a mission,” You said.

Jason mulled the decision over. Right now he would have agreed on anything and everything for you.

“I promise,” Jason said.

So you began to recount what had happened. You started with coming back to finding your apartment once again trashed. You told him how you tried fighting Joker’s goons off, but you weren’t strong enough to beat the three of them. You explained how you woke tied up and trapped in a room with Joker.

The more you explained what had happened with Joker you could see the anger setting in Jason’s face. His hand curled into a fist and he began to shake when you told him how he used a crowbar on you. Jason got to his feet and paced while you continued on.

You filled him in on how he injected you with a larger dose. That your fears come to life in hallucinations. You told Jason how you had to watch him die over and over again which made you feel like a piece of you was dying every time you had to watch the life leave his eyes.

“There were so many times that I wanted to give up,” You told him.

“You’re too damn stubborn for that,” Jason said with a smirk.

You couldn’t help but smile.

“But there was just enough hope left in me that I knew that if I kept holding on that I’d be able to see you again. To see Dick, Tim, and Damian. I also knew that if I gave up that there wouldn’t be anyone out there to perfect my cure and to beat Joker all together,” You said.

“You beat him this time, Y/n. And together we’re going to bring him down,” Jason said.

You gave him a sad smile.

“Look at me Jason, I am in no condition to continue this battle,” You told him as your body began to shiver again.

Jason held back his concerns. He watched as you crawled to the top of the bed so you could slip under the covers.

“That’s fine. You be the brains and I’ll be the muscle. That’s how we work best anyways,” Jason said.

You forced a smile to keep yourself from whimpering in pain.

“You’re not going to be able to take him down yourself, Jay,” You told him.

“Then I’ll bring backup,” Jason said.

“You’re not a team player,” You reminded him.

“For you, I will be,” Jason said.

You coughed as you slid further under the blankets.

“That’s a lot to ask of your brothers. From your family,” You replied.

“They love you Y/n, you know they’ll do it,” Jason answered.

Jason noticed how you gasped several times as you struggled to breathe. You were sweating again.

“Can we talk about this later? I need a nap,” You asked.

Jason sat on the edge of the bed.

“Of course,” He said softly.

Jason noticed how the left part of your face began to twitch. He watched a spasm roll down the left side of your body.

“Could you get me some water?” You asked, your throat was suddenly dry.

Jason shot off the bed and into the bathroom to fill up a glass. When he came back into the main part of the room you were already sleeping. Setting the glass on the nightstand, Jason took a seat next to you once again. The symptoms were coming back in full force. Your body wasn’t sweating the toxins out and it looked as if your body was rejecting the cure.

What the hell was he supposed to do? You were sick. There was a good possibility that you could die. Being cooped up in this motel room wasn’t going to help you either. You needed real help. More than what he and Selina could do for you. Star City was on the outside of Gotham and he could drive you there, but at the state you were in Jason worried that you wouldn’t make it that far out of town. Swearing, Jason left the motel room so he didn’t wake you.

Dialing Dick’s number he waited for his brother to answer.

“Where the fuck are you?” Dick demanded.

“Hi to you too,” Jason snapped.

Dick sighed. “Seriously, Jay, where are you?” Dick asked.

“I need you and the others to meet me at the Manor in fifteen,” Jason said.

“Why?” Dick asked.

“Stop questioning me and just do it,” Jason growled before hanging up.

Shoving his phone into his jacket pocket, Jason went back in. He knew he had his bike, but he was determined to get you to the Manor in one piece. Wrapping you up in the blanket, Jason picked you up and carried you out.

Using one arm, Jason was able to get on his bike and keep you cradle against his chest. Revving his engine, Jason pulled away from the curb and sped through Gotham. Every time you whimpered in pain, Jason looked at you. He could tell that you were fading. He went even faster and prayed that the police were busy elsewhere.

Once he made it through Gotham, he hit the max speed on his bike as he raced back towards the Manor. At the Manor, Jason parked his bike and with you still in his arms he ran up the stairs. He pushed open the massive oak door.

“Bruce! Alfred!” Jason shouted.

The two men came around the corner with his brothers hot on his heels.

“Y/n,” Dick gasped.

“Hurry, she’s dying,” Jason hissed and everyone split apart running around trying to gather everything they needed as Bruce lead Jason down to the Batcave with you still in his arms.

“Stay with me,” Jason whispered as a single tear rolled down his cheek.

[headingnobowhiteblazes]

Looking Back On 2,200 Miles

It has been over five months since I have finished my thru hike of the Appalachian Trail. I bring it up every opportunity I have and love sharing my stories, memories, and experiences. I started my journey to find the breaking point of my body and mind. The average thru hike takes 6 to 8 months, and I completed my hike in 3 months 29 days. When I speak of my trek to others, I feel that I have earned the right to be cocky, to have a little swagger. During my entire hike I remained humble. I always said was attempting to thru hike, and stayed humble to the trail. But now that I look back on my journey, I have joined the exclusive group that call themselves thru hikers. Since 1937, only 15,000 people on the planet have done what I have done. I am now Guac, Appalachian Trail Thru Hiker, GA to ME - NOBO 2017.

Did the AT break me? Did I find the mental and physical breaking point of my body?

This one is hard to answer… I do not think it broke me, and the only reason I say that is because I finished. If it had broken me I do not think I would have made it to the end. But how can I truly say the trail did not break me? It did break me down physically, emotionally, and mentally on a regular basis. It brought me to tears countless times and I had to dig deep to continue to walk. My trail families said “Guac is having a bad day” too many times for me to say I was not broken. When I speak of the trail, I say: “It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life”. I mean every word of that statement. The AT was the hardest, most grueling, difficult thing I have done up to this point in my life. But I do not regret it. I honestly believe that we grow as people when we break out of our comfort zones. When we force ourselves to do something new and out of the ordinary. “Guac” may no longer be hiking but there will always be a part of Guac in me forever.

Did I gain that independence I was looking for?

NOT AT ALL!  There isn’t one part of me that is upset about this. I had this perception of the trail that I would be alone all the time. That I would be walking alone, eating alone, and sleeping alone. That was not the case. Laura best described it by saying it was “one big continuous sleepover”. There were moments I would walk alone. In some cases there was no around around and others I choose to be alone. But the trail was extremely social and I loved it. It is what I kept falling back to on the long days. After a miserable day of walking, it was my trail families that kept me smiling, enjoying, and loving the journey. When I look back on the trip, I miss it a lot. I think about it all the time. I can’t help but smile when I think of what I did. But do I really miss the endless walking, countless miles, blisters, sore feet, lost toe nails, wet socks and shoes? No, not at all. I miss the smiles, laughter and bonds that I made with my trail families. I miss Scrip, Pacer, Cyrilia, Pete’s Dragon, Downwind, Tree Walker, Lone Ranger, Uncle Heather, Sprout, and Root.

There is a bond that grows and develops on the trail that you cannot replicate. It is more than a friendship. The best way I can describe is, it is just “surviving”. I will never forget the moments when I would run out of water and we would all stop for a water break and Scrip, Tree Walker, or Pacer would give me some of their water. Why!? They did not have to do that. I was the one that ran out of water and didn’t have any left. They were the ones that carried it all those miles for me to just take it from them.

There were countless times when we would be at camp and I would get water for the entire group while they all set up. Or it was me that would relax while Scrip or Downwind got the water. We were all fighting for the same goal, an outrageous goal of 2,200 miles. We all helped each other along the way and made sure we all made it. You truly love those you hike with. You laugh, cry, bleed, and hurt with each other. You become emotionally attached to those you are around. They truly become your family.

I miss “supper time”. We made sure none of us ever ate alone. It still makes me smile thinking of when I first started to hike with Pacer and Downwind and I yelled at them to wait until we all got to camp for “family supper”. Whenever Scrip and I reunited after being apart for a few days, he always told me that the thing he missed most was dinner. We would all set up camp, gather around, and share treats and food if anyone of us was ever running low. I still remember our potluck dinners of hot dogs, Knorr Sides, Mountain Houses, tortillas, salad, crackers, and anything else we could pull out of our food bags. We would eat like kings and every day we all knew no matter how miserable and terrible the day was, there would always be a warm meal at the end of the day with your trail family.

I did inspire, but you all inspired me.

I want all of you that are reading this to know that I was, and still am truly moved by how many of you followed along. It is still amazing to run into people and have them mention that they read every single one of my posts. People that I haven’t seen in years reading my blog. I am shocked and honored that you all followed along. There are plenty of other things to read or watch on the internet but you chose to read this blog. I was an honor to know so many were following. It was a huge motivating factor during my hike. If I failed, I wouldn’t just be letting myself down, I would be letting every single one of you down. I hope one of you, just one, is moved and inspired by my blog and journey and do something with it. Take that jump off the deep end and see what happens, see where life takes you.

I have been contacted by a few people about my thru hike and they have mentioned that they would like to start their own journey on the Appalachian Trail. It makes me emotional thinking about it. When this idea about thru hiking first crossed my mind, I was reading countless blogs and articles online. I was reading about previous hikers like Rabbit and Biz. They were a major inspiration for me and I hope that one of you out there decides to pack what you think it takes in a backpack and start following those white blazes. Trust me, you will not regret it.

I can’t help but smile and cry at the same time when I think about what I did. I actually did the entire thing. I made it from Georgia to Maine, on foot, hiking 2,200 miles. It is still remarkable to me and doesn’t feel real. I am asked all the time what the trail was like, and would I do it again.

The trail was everything…

The trail was hard, difficult, brutal, sucked, terrible, wet, cold, muddy, buggy, and just plain horrible at times. But at the same time it was AMAZING, beautiful, rewarding, unforgettable and truly life changing. I thought about the yo-yo hiker, Skippyjon Jones, that turned right around at Katahdin and headed back to Springer. I can see why. I miss it, and yes I would do it all again. I do not regret being out there. Even as I sit here writing this post still letting my feet and body recover, I can’t help but smile and cry thinking about being back on trail with the Savages, Just the Boys, and The Deli Boys. I have been out on the trail every chance I’ve had since being back. I have told everyone I can that I am a thru hiker. I loved my journey.

Am I different?

Yes, I think I have changed. I feel that my relationship with Laura is a lot stronger now. I learned how much I needed her and loved her while being apart from her.

I learned that I can walk anywhere. There is no where that is not within walking distance to me now.

I am more confident in myself. I know that I can do anything I set my mind to. Nothing is impossible to me. I am stronger mentally and physically.

Dream big, dream even bigger, and swing for the fences. Guac on! I have learned to never stop dreaming. Dream crazy, stupid, and ridiculous. Have dreams and go after them. Chase them down and fulfill those big dreams.

Thank you.

I want to thank my wife, Laura. I wouldn’t have made it without her. She may not have walked the miles but she was there every step of the way. She let me go, she supported me along the way, she mailed me the food that kept me going. Since my hike, I have been getting all the congratulations. Laura has only been told three times that her journey was just as amazing and received congratulations. She sacrificed a lot so that I could walk. She is a remarkable person for letting me take on the AT.

I want to thank my family for all the love and support along the way. The support from family and friends was empowering and amazing. All the cards, care packages, text messages. Thank you, all of you!

I want to give a big and special thank you to Nicko Nagel. I called you multiple times while I was on trail and every call I was tears. I was broken down and didn’t want to continue when I called. No matter what you were doing or what meeting you were in, you dropped everything to talk to me. Nicko, thank you for listening to me. Thank you for telling me exactly what I needed to hear at those moments. You kept me going and for that I love you and will never forget what you did.

Scrip… Do I even need to say anything? I have been fortunate enough to see you since we have both finished. We walked a long time together brother and it was amazing. Thank you for everything.

Happy Trails,

Guac - GA to ME 2017 - NOBO '17

[argielloyd]

CTTO Laftrip

And BEFORE you bother me, these are my subtexts on the following profile declarations:

1. STRAIGHT ACTING = The entire planet knows he's gay, 'cept him! Severely in denial; has goatee. Likes boys and callboys alike and uses Aficionado perfume.

2. GYM BODY = Does nothing the whole day but cruise inside the gym and the showers. Longest relationship was with a dumbbell.

3. BUFFED = Steroid-induced pecs and abs. Knows all sources of fake protein. Favorite word: "Dude!" (Pronounced as “Dod”)

4. NO EFFEMS = Thinks that having a relationship with someone effeminate makes him a lesbian.

5. SEVEN-INCH DICK = Asus. In reality, it's just 5 inches! In gay inches, you always add two more inches to everything you measure.

6. YM ME = Jealous type. Does not like competition in chatrooms.

7. I'M NOT EASY TO GET = Desperate but trying to sound choosy.

8. I'M HERE FOR SEX = I'm here for sex. Period.

9. HANDSOME GUYS ONLY = “I am a shallow dork and I have a brain the size of a walnut. Did I mention even my dog hates me?”

10. JUST HERE TO MAKE FRIENDS = Did not make any friends in FaceBook and in life. Was kicked out of Dogster because they found out he does not have a dog.

11. GOOD IN BED = Needs a place to crash in but cant afford a pension house. The things he does for a good night’s sleep.

12. WHAT'S YOUR PASSWORD? = “I'm so horny I want to jerk off now.” Cant afford a decent paysite so gets off with x-rated pics of members.

13. TOP = Has had more girl friends and zero boyfriends.

14. BOTTOM = Has very bad knee injury, or sleeps under your bed, literally.

15. I'M NICE = Dull, boring and has the personality of an ironing board or a wet mop!

16. I'M BAD = Just swallowed a dozen viagra pills. Has a tattoo, nipple ring and wears an ukay-ukay leather jacket during summer.

17. THIS GUY'S MAILBOX IS FULL = Won't check his inbox cause cant afford an hour's worth of internet café.

18. "WALA LANG" = Has a ten-word vocabulary which includes ���cool”,“hi”,“wassup”, “he he”, “ha ha” and “tnx.” Longest word he can write is his name.

19. I AM ATTACHED = Cannot mention the word love. Has commitment problems.

20. I LOVE TO TRAVEL = Looking for a sponsor for his next overseas trip. Always starts a sentence with "When I was in Europe..." Then you ask: "Where in Europe?" He says: "Ah... city proper!" Wow. Europe City.

21. IF YOU'RE NOT CUTE, DONT EVEN BOTHER = Lonely and miserable. Nobody takes care of him when he gets sick. Has 500 “friends” in Friendster and FaceBook cause he approves everyone--mostly strangers!

22. I AM SENSITIVE, LOVING, CARING AND HONEST = You are probably reading your mother's G4M account.

23. I GIVE GOOD MASSAGE/EXTRA SERVICE = A masseur who got suspended where he worked because he wears too much face foundation.

24. MY MOBILE NUMBER IS = read: "Tawagan mo ako, kasi wala akong load".

25. NO PIC, NO REPLY = Read this from someone else's profile and copied it. Doesnt know what PIC really is. Wanna bet?

26. DISCREET = Loves to hang-out in extremely dark places. Haven't even seen any of the faces of all the men he's had sex with. One of the few people who gets excited during blackouts.

27. HAIRY DADDY = Lots of chest hair but for some strange reason - head is bald.

28. CURIOUS STRAIGHT MALE = Can’t decide if he’s top or bottom. So decided to act lesbian instead . . .

29. A BODY PIC WITH NO HEAD = Shrimp. Or Wanted by the NBI. Or doesnt know how to take his own picture!!

30. KINKY = Owns collection of large Liwanag candles for November 2. Hides petroleum jelly under his bed. Ass is moist 24/7. Go figure.

31. SWIMMER’S BOD = Used to call himself gym-bod; now wants to sound catchy.

32. FLAWLESS COMPLEXION = Photoshop beauty. Blurred. Dodged. Liquified.

33. VIRGIN PA AKO = Chances are HE IS. Who in his right mind would be proud to be still a virgin?

34. VIEW MY WEBCAM = Frustrated Pinoy Big Brother contestant.

35. DON’T TEXT, CALL ME = Cant actually read your sms/txts..his Nokia 3210 LCD has obsolete spare parts! Tawagan niyo na lang, please lang.

36. I’M A SEX MACHINE = Disease carrier. Ouch!

38. QUIET AND SOFT-SPOKEN = Probably dead.

39. MACHO = Avid Masculados fan; join their mall tours. Uses WD-40 as lubricant.

40. BLANK PROFILE = Has no clue who he is, what he wants and where his life is going. Casted in JURASSIC WORLD.

42. MESSAGE ME = What he really wanted to say in tagalog was: "Gusto kong magpamasahe sa iyo." Typo error??

43. HOMEBODY = Unemployed guy. A bum. Free-loader. Professional home-partner contestant in Eat Bulaga, Wowowee and Game Ka Na Ba.

44. OUT-GOING PERSONALITY = No air-conditioning in his house. Pretends to be a mountaineer, hiker, biker, etc. Doesnt understand the word 'outgoing' and no 'personality' to match his claim. Gargoyle.

45. I DONT LIKE CASUAL SEX = Only has sex when in formal wear, like when he is in a Saya, or Barong Tagalog, for example.

46. LOOKING FOR A SOULMATE = A former member of Spirit Questors. Enjoys supernatural relationships. Cant handle the stress of the physical world.

47. I AM NOT HANDSOME = Take his word for it. He's being honest for chrissakes!

48. I'M HANDSOME, INTELLIGENT, GORGEOUS = Mister Perfect! -- with character/humility issues.

49. STUDENT = Has insatiable thirst for knowledge... and sex. But remember: STUDENT means TUITION FEE sponsorship.

50. I AM TISOY = Contact lenses from Tutuban, skin peeling by Maxipeel, hair color by Tsin Tsan Tsu and rhinoplasty from Ellen's. Speaks a little chabakano.

51. SHY TYPE = No serious love since birth.

52. I’M SENSIBLE = Can carry a simple conversation for 2 minutes. Beyond that he simply moans.

53. I’M A MAN OF THE WORLD = He wants to make it clear to everyone that, YES, he is from this planet.

54. I’M A REAL PERSON = People have often mistaken him for an ornamental plant in the past.

55. WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET = He has no plans of changing for the better. He is completely content with himself. Little motivation in life.

56. I’M NOT JUST INTERESTED IN SEX = He uses PlanetRomeo to desperately advertise and sell you condos; Or asks you for Room For Rent referrals. Or recruit you--and balance--his (right/left) multilevel pyramid group. Works on commission basis.

57. LOOKING FOR BADMINTON BUDDIES = In search for the perfect shuttle COCK. He wants to SCORE big. On the look out for RACKET. And he really wants to SERVE.

58. BISEXUAL = A “top” with girls, a “bottom” with guys. And willing to 'buy' sex. Get it?

59. BOYTOY = It’s very clear that he wants everyone to know that he is young. And he has a toy. Now, Whether he is willing to share that toy is negotiable.

60. DOG-LOVER = A hot bitch who likes it dog-style. Loyal. Man’s best-friend. Pees everywhere. Doesn’t mind if you tie him up to a fence and urinate on his face.

61. YOU THINK I’M HOT? = He’s not really sure if he IS hot. Needs a second opinion. And a third. The fourth will probably convince him… that he is NOT.

62. NATURE-LOVER = Very kind to nature… considering what nature has done to him.

63. MALIBOG AKO = Masturbates five times a day. Has 80GB of pornography in his PC. Has the complete collection of phone scandal videos. Watches National Geographic just to see naked men hunting wild boar.

64. COWBOY = Has seen Brokeback Mountain too many times. He talks to his cigarette and says: “I wish I could quit you!”

65. I’M SIMPLE YET COMPLICATED = Uhm… this one really blows me. Probably manic depressive.

66. NO CROSS-DRESSERS = Doesn’t want to share his satin gowns.

67. DERETSO AKONG TAO = Has a very strong back. Drinks Anlene Gold regularly.

68. I DARE YOU TO SEE ME IN PERSON = Unfortunately, nobody dared.

69. COME AND GET ME = I am not so sure if this is an invitation, a request or a cry for help.

70. TYPICAL GUY = He has two arms, two legs, a nose, a pair of eyes… uh, what else. Oh yes, a penis. Typical.

71. SELF-MADE MAN = He appeared into this world just by his sheer power of thought.

72. CANDY BOY = Wants to be licked all over. Comes in three flavors: BAGONG LIGO, PAWISAN and LUMUSOB SA BAHA.

73. I AM SENSITIVE = Can sense an earthquake even before it happens. He is now being studied by scientists to warn the human race of future tsunamis.

74. I HAVE A WONDERFUL MIND = His temporal lobe, anterior commissure and medulla will give you a hard-on. Oh, yes… he has a pornographic memory.

75. I AM THE LIFE OF THE PARTY = A Boyoyong party clown. Brings his own make-up set and catalogue of Avon beauty products for demo purposes.

76. DECENT GUY = Wipes his feet before entering a massage parlor. Brushes his teeth after giving someone a blowjob. Says a little prayer before and after sex. Confesses regularly... on his knees.

77. OPEN-MINDED = His brain is everywhere except in his head. A perfect medium for séances.

78. COME OVER AND LET’S HAVE SEX = Thinks that Guys4Men/PlanetRomeo is a delivery service.

79. HOPELESS ROMANTIC = Believes that love is eternal. Easily trusts everyone. Gullible. Thinks Mike Arroyo is innocent.

80. I AM FUNNY = That fact that he has to say that he is funny is hilarious.

81. PURE TOP = Has a ten-picture exclusive contract with a porno film outfit which prevents him from being a bottom. Will only become a bottom when the 'right' project comes. Pure nga!

82. EXTREME TOP FOR EXTREME BOTTOMS ONLY = Will only have passionate sex with an Extreme Magic Sing microphone shoved up their asses while viewing the Amazing Race!

83. TRIPPER = Has a marijuana plantation in his backyard. Uses tie-dyed shirts, showers twice a month and responds to "Tsong." Does not a have a day job.

84. ASTIG 2 ASTIG LANG = A former seaman. Ideal places for sex: barracks, breakwater, inside a jail cell. Must have during sex: handcuffs, Purico cooking lard and a cd of Aegis.

85. NO TO CHUBS = Say what???? Take a hard look at YOURSELF, you idiot! What have you to offer?? GET A LIFE!

86. OPEN RELATIONSHIP = he doesn't get this: he swore by the gospel it means he is Open TO HAVE a Relationship.

87. I HAVE NO PLACE FOR FUN = evicted!!

[2centsofsilver]

8/7/17

This will be short because my melatonin is kicking in. I have officially been living in A2 since last Thursday (so, 5 days) and I don’t feel like I’m getting better emotionally. I survived my period which was just as bad as last month’s if not worse, due to suicidal thoughts and losing myself in my head. Now that I’m in A2, I’m still lost. I’m also lost physically because I don’t know my way around this town as well as I thought I did. I only live 1.5 hours a way from Kzoo, but I feel like I moved across the country. I have a few really solid close friends who I love so much. I didn’t see them very often before, but they were always still there. I don’t see them now, but why is the longing so deep in which I miss them? They haven’t gone anywhere. I didn’t move very far. I feel like I’ve been here months and it’s only been 5 days. I feel scared all the time and have been on the brink of crying the last 5 days, in parking lots. My therapist in Kzoo told me I won’t lose my need to often cry while having a roommate because she reminded me I usually do that in my car, but she also said she hoped I don’t need to cry as often anymore. She texted me a couple days ago to ask if things have gotten better, but I haven’t responded yet. People are so important to me, but how come I’m not important to them? Does anyone even care that I’m gone or lost? I fantasize about my suicide a lot. I think about... -People finding me OR surrounding me in a hospital bed -My best friends planning my funeral and contacting those who left me -Looking down on my celebration of life -Wondering whether or not dying would hurt the ones I love -Wondering whether or not they’d miss me forever, or only just at first -Wondering whether or not they truly want me to disappear -Wondering whether or not disappearing would do them a favor -Coming back to life, people having realized how much pain I’m in, and holding me really really tight I really need to find a counselor asap, but I don’t know about my insurance. It cuts off in 3 weeks and my new insurance starts then too. Therapy will only be covered if I see a U of M provider, but I feel stuck because I’m scared to drive downtown. I’m not buying a parking pass for campus, I’ll be relying on the public transit system. I don’t know how to ride a bus and I don’t have my m-Card yet. I have to get my M-card on campus, but I have to take the bus to campus, but I don’t know how to pay to ride the bus and I don’t know who can help me by trying it with me a few times. I feel like my roommate thinks I’m weird. I am trying so hard to be normal and nice. I really do feel I’m a super nice person. I haven’t created any drama. The only times I’ve talked about my depression were when I repeatedly kept not moving and staying at my parents’ house. And the other day I asked her about CAPS and finding a counselor and she was willing to talk to me. I just feel like she can see right through to how weird I am and what if she regrets choosing me? I hope I’m being impressive. I live in PT, which is SOOOO FAR from Central Campus/A2 in general. I live right on 12 which is M Ave. which leads you to 94 and 23. Don’t ask me how this road leads you to both expressways in the same direction. I get so turned around here. My perceptive map of A2 in my head is completely upsidedown. My friends Alex, Jess, Anna, Annie, Charlotte, Zach, Roopa, Andrea, Amber, Caitlyn, and Vartika all live here in A2. Specifically, Alex, Annie, Anna, Jess, Caitlyn, and Charlotte have been helping me a lot. Most closely, Alex and Anna. I don’t go to Jess very often because she doesn’t understand mental illness and it makes me feel inferior. So far I’m very sad and lonely here. I feel isolated and depressed every day. I am trying to get out of the house more and be gentle with myself. Now that my period is over, I am challenging myself to get things done on my to-do list. Today I enrolled in student health insurance, ordered contacts over the phone, contacted my employer with available hours, signed my student loan MPN, bought new gym shoes, bought a recycling bin, did laundry, showered, talked to Anna, got lost again in PT/Ypsi, online shopped for dishes/comforter/sheets/shower curtain, talked to my mom on the phone, made a to-do list, and decided I’d start at the gym this week. My roommate is so on top of life and I have depression and am barely keeping up. It’s definitely teaching me to be more organized, but I can only last so long. I need to leave my shit all over the floor sometimes, so I look forward to Wednesday when my brother brings my bed so I can just spend time in there crying and sleeping. I feel like my best friends don’t want to be friends with me anymore. Obviously, this is depression lying. I know it’s not true. What Anna doesn’t understand is that depression is NOT just literal thoughts- it’s actual feelings. I can’t say I have actual cognitive thoughts of “I want to kill myself.” It’s an overall feeling that has completely swallowed me day to day. HOW DO I ADEQUATELY DESCRIBE to my friends the deep painful twinges I feel inside my stomach? They get those too right? People know the feeling? Why do I want people to know so badly? I always feel like.. if people knew they could help me. Or love me a little harder. It all comes back to filling of that void I talked about in the “Getting High” post. To my best friends- I feel like I’m going to lose you. I’m sorry that I’m not doing well. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know who to turn to or what to DO. I feel a real urgency to get help and ACT every time I feel pulled under. I’m sorry that I’ve needed you so much in my short time here so far. I feel like you’re getting annoyed with me. I don’t know if that’s a depression lie or not. A2 is a place I used to like. I used to envision myself thriving here by partaking in progressive social movements and being myself. But I envisioned living in Kerrytown and making friends with ‘certain type of people.’ I don’t know what I did wrong, but I tried really hard to find a roommate and place to live. I didn’t fail, right?  Why do I feel like I made the wrong decision and got stuck here out of force and like that day came before I even knew what was happening? I don’t feel I’m on top of it enough to be successful in a Masters program. My depression is too severe. My period is over and it hasn’t gotten better. I really need to see a counselor asap. I don’t like A2 anymore because it’s SO associated with negative memories: Holly, NR (2 entities that hurt me), ABA, no Lake Michigan, and bustling Detroit traffic that makes me feel industrialized when I know I’m pure. I’m hungry all the time and feel like I’m trying to thrive in WHITE SPACE, like the background in “Harold & The Purple Crayon.” My roommate is so clean and organized and a responsible, functioning adult. I feel weird sprawling out on this couch, like I’m not allowed to or like it’s not appropriate or something. She owns every kitchen utensil in the world and knows how to use all of them. I eat icecream for lunch and pretzels for dinner. On the one hand, isn’t it healthy (if someone didn’t know me at all) that I’m seeking help as someone with severe depression?  Yesterday one of my good friends asked me, “Hey, have you ever considered that maybe you have a mood disorder?�� YES- I have been 100% professionally diagnosed with Bipolar II and I take mood stabilizers. I know she meant well though. At this exact moment, I hate myself for being so self-consumed when writing about myself and talking to others. I remember back in the day, I was only wrapped up in the lives of others- helping others, being there for others. THAT’S STILL ME.  I already envision myself taking an academic, medical leave of absence for suicidal depression. Birth control cures PMDD, but causes blood clots, which kill you. So I have to just keep wanting to kill myself, in order to survive. Makes sense right? I miss my grandma and frequently wonder whether she thinks I’d be happy in Heaven.  I broke out in Hives a few weeks ago and my Dermatillomania has been like, the worst it’s ever been and my roommate wants to play tennis with me and I don’t know how to handle that. I feel like people who pull their hair and wear hats or draping clothes to hide their cuts or whatever. It’s all the same. I am NOT ready to start school in 3 weeks. I would feel more ready if I could sit down with an academic advisor, knew how to pay my tuition, knew how my loan works, knew where to go for orientation, knew were my classes and building were, knew how to ride the bus, had someone to go to the potluck with, etc etc. Maybe Alex would be willing to explore with me this week/weekend. Only 2 more nights of sleeping on a deflated air mattress. I’m sorry to the people I love for being a burden. Is it okay I love you? Is it okay you’re my best friends? Are these things okay with you? Dear Katie, Keep being strong. Your real self loves you, that’s me. I’m rooting for you all day every day. I’m who gets you out of bed each day. I’m who believes in you. I’m who responds to you when you ask mental questions. I’m the rational voice. I’m your comfort. I’m your immediate response when sometimes people can’t respond right away. Dear Katie, You are the strongest girl alive. You constantly do things every day that are hard and you always try and find something to smile or laugh about. Little things add up, such as the cashier at Whole Foods and the guy at Dunham;s too and the girl in front of you at Blaze Pizza today.  Dear Katie, I know things are hard and you want to die. But no you don’t. You want this pain to go away. You want to escape being a burden to others. I know it FEELS like you’re being annoying, but the people you feel you’re annoying are still here. I know you always think they’re always considering abandoning you. I know you feel you’re worth nothing in this world. But you are the whole world. You make your dreams happen. You believe other people are capable of achieving their dreams, too. Dear Katie, I love you with all my heart. Thank you for always listening to me and following me as your heart. I know things are hard for you all the time, but your will power sings songs of hope and compassion. You want to make this world a better place, but you are that better place, in this world. Dear Katie, Your friends and I love you very much. Keep holding on and love yourself. You are doing no wrong in desiring support. Your desperation will be addressed soon by someone who can help you. You got into the best school in the country and you made this happen; it didn’t happen accidentally. Dear Katie, Re-create yourself. You are the power of the universe. You have stars within you. Mrs. Urban is sending you these stars. Grandma is sending you smiles. The others in the sky are watching eagerly to watch your accomplishments flourish. Dear Self, Just keep going.  Love, Your Guiding Angel

[michaelguyyo]

1-100!!!!¡!¡!!!¡!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fucccckkkkk

1: Is there a boy/girl in your life?

Like relationship? Like do I have a girlfriend? Nope

2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?

Yeah I always forgive everyone. I don’t really hold grudges, like at all. I love people. Although I guess I am still pretty mad at band staff.. 

3: What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”

What the fuck this furry shit

4: What’s something you really want right now?

I want tomorrow to be over with nothing gone wrong, I am so fuckin stressed. School needs to end. Now.

5: Are you afraid of falling in love?

No someone make me fall in love with them RIGHT NOW

6: Do you like the beach?

Not particularly, starting to be more fond of it, but ehhhh I like bonfires at the beach for sure!

7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?

Yeah all the time. Couches are great places for naps

8: What’s the background on your cell?

It like, space. Stars and shit.

9: Name the last four beds you were sat on?

Mine, Jamie’s old bed, Tu’s, ummmmmm… honestly I don’t know. Emme’s? Way back in Santa Barbara? That can’t be right but like

10: Do you like your phone?

Yee it’s neat, sometimes it’s kinda shitty though. Texting is a ball ache.

11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned?

Right now….? Yeah.. I’ll let you know tomorrow lmao

12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?

The fuck who knows that shit… Emme? Tracy? Someone???

13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler?

Poodle baby

14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?

Emotional pain probably, but I haven’t experienced any big physical pain things. No bone breakings, no bad burns.. So who knows, someone hurt me

15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?

Zoo’s are more mindless fun I’d say! I can just be a kid again

16: Are you tired?

Shit dude you know it.. This question is real as fuck

17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact?

Like you talkin alphabetical? I think I’ve known Aileen since Freshman year.

18: Are they a relative?

Again, alphabetically naw

19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

yes

20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?

Just talked to her last night fam

21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?

Nope, that’s too much pressure, I’ve got some life to live first.

22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Yeah always

23: How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?

Big fat zero

24: Is there a certain quote you live by?

Nope, and I hate these kinds of questions lmao

25: What’s on your mind?

OH I’m glad you asked!!! Tomorrow I have to go to court from 1:30-3:30, then go to a commission meeting from 4-5:30 then another from 6-7. Then I get home and have to finish ~20% of e2020 and if anything goes wrong in this process I simply do not graduate with my friends!!!!! FUN

26: Do you have any tattoos?

Nope, but I’d consider getting some. I don’t really have any meaningful symbols or anything in my life though so who knows.

27: What is your favorite color?

Purple bb

28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?

Hopefully everyday for the rest of my life.

29: Who are you texting?

Texting, nobody. Snapchat? Nikki as always and Amber

30: Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?

Yeah wtf

31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?

This is ominous. Probably? Who cares, I don’t have like some story.

32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?

YEAH!!! She a homie, Nikki Bee is perfect ily. But I have lots others too, I can just talk to Nikki about literally anything.

33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you?

I’d like to think so ya, but in reality, probably not lmao

34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?

Yeah, I get it fairly often. In fact the other day I was at the school and this girl who walked past me stopped to compliment my eyes and then yelled at her friend to come see. I was flustered, it was nice.

35: Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?

The last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you. lol. I dunno, I’d probably be a little bitter, but they ain’t mine they can do whatever they want. I just don’t wanna watch

36: Were you single on Valentines Day?

Nope, Valentines Day was nice and equally stressful. Almost didn’t do anything but it turned out to be a pretty okay day. Some big complications tho.

37: Are you friends with the last person you kissed?

Yup, pretty close friends luckily!

38: What do your friends call you?

Attractive? Cool? Bit of a dick (who am I kidding a major dick). Lmao they just call me Michael. Some times Mickey McG

39: Has anyone upset you in the last week?

Yeah fuck band

40: Have you ever cried over a text?

All the time binch. A lot of my breakups and stuff have been over texts. Not only that but also arguments or deep discussions. Texting is wild.

41: Where’s your last bruise located?

On my chest probably. Maybe legs somewhere. I’m white, we whites bruise pretty easily.

42: What is it from?

Who knows, they appear.

43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?

Every time I invite a girl over who I’m not really that into, I just think about them leaving the whole time. Same when I go out with some girl I’m not really into. I just wanna go. It’s shitty.

44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

If Skype call counts, then the homies. If not, then Lizz I think.

45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes?

Ummmmmm not reaaaaally, different shoes for different occasions and outfits. I switch it up.

46: Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?

Not anymore :)

47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style?

Douubt it, my head is a weird shape.

48: Do you make supper for your family?

lol

49: Does your bedroom have a door

Yes…??

50: Top 3 web-pages?

Probably Tumblr, Youtube, and Netflix (maybe Amazon?)

51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping?

Probably? But idk they’re lame. Shopping rocks.

52: Does anything on your body hurt?

Right now, ya. Always. I’m a mound of aches and pains. But specifically nope I’m pretty good today.

53: Are goodbyes hard for you?

Goodbyes are fake. Not real. Nobody ever leaves me. Fake. (yes)

54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?

Soda probably? Ya some good ole’ Dr. Pepper.

55: How is your hair?

Cute thanks for asking

56: What do you usually do first in the morning?

Go. Back. To. Sleep. (check my phone eventually)

57: Do you think two people can last forever?

I sure hope so!!!!

58: Think back to January 2007, were you single?

Yes. 100%. No question.

59: Green or purple grapes?

Tough one but I’d say green.

60: When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug?

Hopefully every fuckin day. Graduation probably though, lotta people.

61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?

Yeah I would rather be out with people havin fun any day of the week.

62: When will be the next time you text someone?

Still texting people, so gimme 5 seconds.

63: Where will you be 5 hours from now?

Asleep in bed pls.

64: What were you doing at 8 this morning.

Asleep in bed pls.

65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked?

Did I like Lizz by then? No of course not, Amber. Probably Amber.

66: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

Yeah plenty of people, but Genessis lights up my fuckin world!!! Same with Julia!!! They’re precious!!! 

67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today?

Nope, lonely boy (busy boy)

68: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

I dunno I was probably horny or panicked. Or both.

69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

Yeah of course, everyone has let downs. I can’t think of anything specific though

70: How many windows are open on your computer?

Right now? 3. But that’s not the usual.

71: How many fingers do you have?

What the fuck.

72: What is your ringtone?

Whatever the basic thing is, I keep it on silent all the time.

73: How old will you be in 5 months?

Almost 19

74: Where is your Mum right now?

Asleep upstairs. Sleepy mum.

75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?

I couldn’t live being around her dad all the time, plus my feelings just kinda faded. I don’t know, it was rough. I still care about her a ton though.

76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?

Yeah probably

77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?

Luckily yeah!! and more!!

78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?

Um ye: Jenna Kern, Summer Stevens, and Cassie Frame to name a few.

79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike?

Meeeeeee

80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?

Yeah of course, I love sleepin with people like that. It’s perfect.

81: How many people have you liked in the past three months?

2-3 who knows. A few. Lots. Probably 10′s

82: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?

Yuuppp, I think so, 3 days is a standard gap probably lmao

83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight?

Yeah I always talk to the girls I like lmao like all the time

84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

Apparently a bunch of assholes. Me and my friends would never, it’s shitty.

85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care?

As long as they aren’t like, fucked with drugs, then no.

86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?

We were in the front front row and we were literally 10 feet from the screen. It was the worst experience of my life.

87: Who was your last received call from?

Me mom

88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?

I mean.. Yeah? The fuck the butterfly would understand I wouldn’t even feel that shitty about it.

89: What is something you wish you had more of?

Goldfish. Sex. In that order.

90: Have you ever trusted someone too much?

Umm probably? But not many people have really destroyed my trust for them, so it’s not a big deal. I am not a very honest person, so trust isn’t a huge concept to me lmao

91: Do you sleep with your window open?

Nope, I sleep too long into the day. Noises would wake me up. Shame too, I like my room chilly.

92: Do you get along with girls?

You know it bby

93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?

No, but if you think I am, confront me. I’ll letcha know

94: Does sex mean love?

Hell no??? It can I guess but like.. very separate.

95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

Naw we’d be a-ok

96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?

Nope but I’m down, hmu

97: Did you sleep alone this week?

Ya… always… thanks for reminding me… binch

98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?

My friends make me happier than anything. I love them all so much and they’re a joy to be around/talk to. I’m glad the seniors last year have still been so influential in my life especially.

99: Do you believe in love at first sight?

Sure why not, girls are pretty.

100: Who was the last person that you pinky promise?

I don’t know, what grade am I in lmao. This was a weird one to end on. Literally who knows

Thanks a bunch you monster!! This was fun binch

[cathygeha]

The Watcher

by Bella Jewel

PRESS RELEASE

“72 HOURS will blow your mind on every page! The villain is truly haunting, with an evilness that leaves its mark and threatens to become a permanent fixture. The journey is harrowing, but well worth the literary upheaval. — Romantic Times Book Reviews

"A sexy, dramatic suspense that I didn’t want to put down!”  — Harlequin Junkie

“Sexy, irresistible, and lively, this story was addicting! I read it all in one sitting and I couldn’t get enough.”  — The Novel Tease

The Watcher By Bella Jewel

Bella Jewel’s self-published novels hooked a whole audience of readers in and landed her on the USA Today bestseller list. Jewel debuted in print with 72 HOURS in April, hooking readers with her tense romantic suspense. Now she continues the series with THE WATCHER (St. Martin’s Press; May 30, 2017), another thrilling novel. When her sister goes missing, a woman must confront her horrific past with the help of the sexiest man she's ever met.  

After killing the serial killer who kidnapped her, Marlie Jacobson became famous overnight. She never wanted the fame and left to live in the shadows. But when her sister disappears, Marlie returns home and enlists the dangerously handsome, world-famous tracker Kenai Michelson to help find her missing sister.  

Kenai agrees to work with Marlie, and as they grow closer, they can’t deny the powerful desire simmering between them. As their relationship heats up, the investigation takes a terrifying twist: is the serial killer who kidnapped Marlie back from the dead? And what lengths will Kenai go to protect the woman he loves?

A nail biter from start to finish, Jewel’s new venture into romantic suspense is enthralling and will have you cheering on Marlie and Kenai as they track down a terrifying serial killer. THE WATCHER is a tightly spun plot with serious heat between the pages. This is only the start to Jewel’s new series as she will follow with her next romantic suspense book Blind Date this August.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Contact:  Brittani Hilles, Publicist, St. Martin’s Press Brittani.Hilles@stmartins.com | 646-307-5558

About the Author USA Today bestselling author Bella Jewel is a fun-loving Australian who lives in sunny Queensland with her two playful daughters. She’s been writing since she was fifteen and has authored a broad range of stories with wild characters ranging from bikers to pirates. When she’s not writing, Bella can be found kicking about on dirt bikers or riding horses. Bella has many more books planned for the future. She is the author of 72 Hours and The Watcher.

THE WATCHER By Bella Jewel Published by St. Martin’s Paperbacks **On Sale May 30, 2017** Mass Market Paperback | $7.99 ISBN: 9781250108388 Ebook ISBN: 9781250108395

For more information, or to set up an interview with the author, contact: Brittani Hilles at Brittani.hilles@stmartins.com or 646-307-5558

Praise for 72 HOURS:

“An intriguing and engaging romantic suspense, grab a copy of 72 HOURS for some hair-raising reading.” — Romance Reviews Today  

“I was feeling the whole Hunger Games meets Saw type of vibe throughout the entire book, and I was GLUED to the pages!” — Garden of REden

"A wonderful and intriguing storyline, an enjoyable and engaging read, a thrilling and fascinating journey into the mind of a wicked and depraved killer…If you are a Bella Jewel fan, a lover of romantic suspense, and enjoy a good thriller, you will definitely want to give this story a try.” — Nose Stuck in a Book

“If you like heart pounding drama, bossy alpha males, truly psychotic antagonists, and real emotions, 72 HOURS is a great read. You will be pulled in almost from the start.” — The Book Disciple  

“If you are a fan of extra twisted villains, and love a good suspense chase, you so want to grab a copy of 72 Hours ASAP. You will love it. Bella Jewel did an incredible job. 72 HOURS is a thrilling adventure.” — Book Briefs

EXCERPT

Chapter One

Seven Years Later

Chirp chirp. Groaning, I throw my hand over my face. Morning already? Another day?  Really. It seems I only went to bed five minutes ago, how could it possibly be time to wake up? The dramatic singing of the birds outside indicate that it is, in fact, morning, and that means I’ve made it to see the light of another day. Another lonely, dragging day of misery. Okay, that’s slightly dramatic, but what can I say? It’s my life now. More loud chirping makes me throw my arm from my face and slap it down on the bed beside me. “All right, I’m up,” I grumble, attempting to sit. My body aches and my head is pounding. It seems I wake up this way more often than not ONE Seven Years  Later 033-68774_ch01_3P.indd   7 4/18/17   10:45 AM 8 BELLA JEWEL

these days. The doctor tells me it’s all in my head, that  there is nothing physically wrong with me anymore. He  didn’t get his entire body beaten with a bat, so what the hell would he know? I feel it  every time I move. My legs mostly. An ache that seems like it’ll never leave, a soreness in my muscles that I’m constantly trying to stretch out. I shove myself up to a sitting position, and stare out the win dow. I see nothing but trees. Just a vast expanse of skinny, yet lush, trees.  There’s nowhere else I’d rather be, and that’s the honest truth. I bought this tiny, one- bedroom cabin just outside of Colorado Springs for a bargain three years ago. The owner gave me a  great deal  because he had an emergency with his  family and needed to sell it urgently. It was a dream come true for me. I left my home in Denver just before that, around the time I went from being a nobody to a famous serial killer survivor. I  don’t say this lightly. Fame didn’t come as a relief; it came as my own personal hell. I was suffering serious  mental instability, but my  mother figured, Hey, why not put my  daughter in the spotlight by writing a novel about her horrible ordeal with a deranged psychopath? I’ll never forget the hours she sat, talking to reporters, the police, and me about what happened. She managed to piece together enough information to make a bestseller. Seemed like a solid plan. The book took off, became massive overnight. So did I. 033-68774_ch01_3P.indd   8 4/18/17   10:45 AM THE WATCHER 9 Then came the time I  couldn’t walk down the street without being noticed by someone. If it wasn’t insane requests for autographs—  Really, who does that?—it was  people staring at me like I was a zoo animal. They  were  either too afraid to talk to me, scared no doubt that I might have a  giant breakdown, or wanted to ask me a million nonsensical questions about my kidnapping. As if they were casually discussing a movie and not a  human life. I played along for a while, for the sake of my family— mostly for my widowed  mother, who was smiling for the first time since my  father died only a year before my kidnapping. But  later, I strug gled with knowing that her happiness came from exploiting my pain.  After all, her  daughter nearly lost her life, but then, she was making millions from my story, so what the hell, right? I was suddenly a survivor. The girl who got away. The brave one. The one who got a second chance at life. I  didn’t want any of that. I  don’t know why I  didn’t pack up and run earlier, but the truth is I  didn’t even know my name most days. Intense therapy and  people screaming for my story on the street made my already traumatized mind shut down. I lived most days like a zombie, moving through life purely  because I had to, not  because I wanted to. Instead of supporting me, my  mother made my ordeal about her. Resentment lives deep in my chest daily  because of that. 033-68774_ch01_3P.indd   9 4/18/17   10:45 AM 10 BELLA JEWEL

Because she  wasn’t  there for me when she needed to be.  Because she  didn’t help me when I was suffering.  Because she  didn’t comfort me when I’d wake up screaming from the nightmares. The god- awful nightmares. Even now, I see his face  every time I close my eyes. My therapist assures me it  won’t be this way forever. I think she’s wrong. I think it’ll be this way for the rest of my life. I just  don’t see how talking to someone about it is  going to take away the fact that he’s in my head, and I’m damned sure he’ll never leave. But I’m surviving, now that I’m out  here, on my own; I’m making it through. Some days I  don’t know how, but I think the solitude helps. No reporters. No  family members. No walking down the street with judgment. No fear. It’s just me. I feel safe, which is something I  haven’t felt in such a long time. I throw myself out of bed and my knees protest angrily, but I push on. I  don’t need any more reminders about what he did. My knees like to keep my mind in the past. Part of the reminder is my fault, I guess.  After all, I picked the worst job  there is for weak knees— waitressing. In my defense, living this far out of Denver, it was  really the only option for me. My boss is understanding. Mostly. Except for days like  today, when I sleep in. I  don’t need to work. In fact, I prob ably  won’t 033-68774_ch01_3P.indd   10 4/18/17   10:45 AM THE WATCHER 11 need to work for the rest of my life, but I refuse to touch money that has come from a monster and the story he created for me. I gave most of it to my mom, but in my own account  there’s a good few million that I  don’t touch. It just keeps growing and growing as the book continues to sell. I  don’t want it. I  don’t think I’ll ever want it. I half walk, half flail, to my closet and pull out my work clothes, which consist of a short black mini skirt and a tight tank top. The diner is a  little run- down, so my boss insists on making it more attractive by making us look more attractive. I wear leggings  under my skirt,  because the scarring on my knees is far too hideous. My boss is fine with it. I think he knew he  didn’t  really get a choice. Without time for a shower, I drop my nightie and pull the clothes on, before throwing my hair up into a ponytail and jerking on some shoes. There, I’m ready. I groan my way out into the tiny kitchen and head straight to my coffee machine, praying I remembered to set it for this morning. When it roars to life, I sigh happily. Thank the heavens. I take my coffee and pour it into my travel mug. And then I grab my keys and rush out the door. I really need to set an alarm, but that would mean committing to something, and this year I’ve promised myself I’ll just let life take me where it wishes. Yeah right, who am I kidding? I just find comfort in my bed, and most nights it takes me so long to

Bella Jewel - the author