#i have worked so hard to be a silver lining optimist who gives people space for their eccentricities and practices unconditional love

[isa-ah]

im not a cruel person! i am soft hearted, and i must protect myself as such, but ive forgiven people who have done some really heinous things to me in the past. i believe in a water off the back mentality for most things, and it takes a long time for me to wise up and start to get angry, and for that anger to build to such a point that i become explosive. so when i say i HATE this woman,

[shreddedparchment]

A Wife For Thor Pt.01

10/12/2020

Arrivals and Departures

Pairing: King!Thor x Reader          Word Count: 6,990

Warnings: language, talks of death, angst, talks of sex,

A/N: This is seriously...I mean, I don’t even know where this came from. Credits to @darkficsyouneveraskedfor​ because Roo gave me the idea and I kinda ran with it. Like omg, y’all. Blame Roo. If you happen to reblog, thanks so much for helping me spread my work! xoxo Dialogue from Thor Ragnarok has been used in the beginning of this story.

Please do not REPOST my stories anywhere. Reblogs are most welcome!

He stands with his arms crossed in what appears to be a small sitting room with a large window that opens to the sublime sight of the black space beyond. Sterling silver, radiant red, and brilliant blue stars twinkle into infinity.

This is a sight that Thor had seen many times before and yet, for the first time in an age, he felt hopeful for the future.

His fight had ended. With Ragnarok, his journey had reached an end. Not the end, but certainly that of a chapter I which his battles might rest.

He imagines that this might be how his father felt when he had taken charge of the nine realms.

However violent that takeover might have been, his father had lied about many things—his sister for one—it had been the beginning of a quieter reign. A new formative time for his father. He may not have been a perfect man, but he’d grown wiser in many ways. Still not the best father, but his father, nonetheless.

Thor can almost picture his life on Earth, a time of peace. A time to rebuild. He will be able to give his people a good life there and he’s certain that his friends will appreciate having him closer. Friends from work they may be, but friends.

“Do you really think it’s a good idea to go back to Earth?” Loki asks, standing beside him with his hands held gently at his front.

Thor looks at him, waiting a moment to allow him to finish speaking.

“Yes, of course.” Thor assures him. “The people of Earth love me. I’m very popular.”

Loki takes a breath, looking out the window as he quickly accepts his brother’s reasoning while simultaneously realizing he must word this differently to get his point across.

“Let me rephrase that.” Loki begins, “Do you really think it’s a good idea to bring me back to Earth?”

Thor knows that Loki has a point. His history with Earth is…not perfect. To say the least.

“Probably not, to be honest.” He admits, noting Loki’s apprehension.

Loki smiles, a little knowing.

“I wouldn’t worry, brother.” Thor tells him, both turning back to the void outside. “I feel like everything’s going to work out fine.”

The moment seems endless, the two of them waiting as if the something should or might happen after Thor’s optimistic sentiments.

Then the moment passes and Loki sighs.

“Right, well, I’ll start rounding up the people who will be of the most use once we arrive.”

Thor gives his brother one parting smile but doesn’t watch him leave.

Thor doesn’t know exactly what has changed in him, what makes him so confident in this decision, but he knows it’s the best decision he could have made. And if he’s honest, though he’d never admit it out loud, the possibility of finally being on the same planet as Jane…well, he’d be a fool not to consider the possibilities.

~~~~~~~~~~

Something feels different today.

As you wake, turning onto your side to stare across the small room at the blinking line on the blank word document on your computer screen, you can’t quite put your finger on what is making you nervous.

Your stomach is rolling, making you queasy, despite the fact that you have no reason to be anxious.

Yesterday was like the day before and today will be just like yesterday. Nothing in your life ever changes, and that’s become so much of who you are that whenever you have even a doctor’s appointment your heart begins to race in dreaded anticipation.

With trembling hands you clutch your blanket, trying to find a reason behind this mood. Your breath quickens as your heart panics, your mind scrambling to make sense of these emotions but nothing comes to mind.

So, you get out of bed. You get dressed choosing a simple knee length black dress that fits loose enough to keep you comfortable throughout the day. Then you head into the kitchen and start the coffee pot.

Halfway through the brew you shut the machine off and rush to dump out its contents into the sink.

“Fuck.”

You sigh, realizing you should really invest in decaf coffee for morning just like this.

“Tea. Tea is better.” You rationalize and pull your kettle off the warmer and fill it in the sink.

You replace it in its dock then turn your back to it, hands gripping the edge of the counter as you lean against it.

Your fingers stroke the smooth and unvarnished wooden countertop, suddenly going rigid around the lip as your heart goes frantic again.

The island counter directly in front of you is made of the same unvarnished wood, a slightly mismatched chair on the other side, tucked in beside the open shelving that holds your pots and pans. Along the center of the island sits a small vase with nearly completely withered flowers.

You’re filled with relief as your hands are given new task and you hurry forward and take the clear glass vase, toss the flowers—which crumble as they hit yesterday’s empty cereal box—dump the water in the sink and quickly refill it.

Setting the vase aside, you pull open a drawer and pluck from an array of contents a small packet of flower food, a pair of small pruners, a long piece of twine, and head out the back door to your modest backyard.

There isn’t much in it, and it’s unfenced. A large tree at the back-left corner provides shade and pecans. In the center of the yard sits a set of antique iron work garden furniture. Twisted and shaped into what reminds you of lace. Two smaller chairs and one long bench with curved backs.

You’ve been of a mind to buy cushions for them, but you haven’t found an excuse to justify the expense.

In between the garden set sits an outdoor coffee table made of wood and painted white. It’s fading and will need a new coat soon but again the expense can wait. At least until you sell another story.

Apart from this set and a small wooden shed beside the pecan tree, your yard is mostly overgrown grass and carefully cultivated flowers lining the length of your narrow back porch.

You smile, noticing the length of your grass, grateful for another something to keep you busy today. Something to keep your mind off this mysterious and anxious premonition of something to come.

Quickly you move to a large blooming bush at the end of your porch and cut from it several bunches of pink and blue garden phlox.

You admire the shade of the blue flowers. The color reminds you a pair of blue eyes you’d once seen on a woman who’d come to your school as a child.

She’d been beautiful and kind, but she hadn’t picked you. Still, you’d never forgotten the color of her eyes.

The pink is pastel at the edges of its petals and vibrant magenta at the center.

As you head back in, the kettle only barely beginning to steam, you quickly arrange the bunches you’ve picked and wrap them up with the twine. You set the bushel aside and with the vase pulled close, you tear the packet of flower food with your teeth and pour it in.

Replacing the flowers, you give the kettle one more look before you race back into your bedroom to pick out a more appropriate outfit for cutting the grass.

You decide on a pair of jeans and a plain yellow t-shirt. Pulling them on, you pause with your shirt hooked around your arms as your eyes find your laptop screen, annoyingly black still.

With a groan you pull your shirt on and from the kitchen you hear the whistle.

Breakfast is simple. A store-bought muffin and a cup of breakfast tea do the trick and while you’re still chewing your last bite you head out to cut your grass.

It doesn’t take you too long and you lament the last bit as you cut it, the machine vibrating violently in your nervous grip.

No matter how much you try to distract yourself, this feeling of something terrible coming will not go away and you’re about to go out of your mind when a shout from your back door pulls your mind from it.

Standing there is an older man with an unconventionally handsome face. His lips are thin, cheekbones prominent, brown eyes sunken, and his nose long and defined. His dark hair slicked and parted, neatly kept to match his crisp navy suit.

“Aren’t you a little overdressed?” You shout at him as the whirr of the machine dies into silence.

The man moves towards you, a smile brightening his face.

“I was just at a meeting.” He explains.

“Do you ever stop working?” You wonder, pushing the lawn mower towards the shed as he follows.

“Only when I’m on vacation.” He tells you, amusement in his voice but subdued and you only hear it because you’ve known him for years.

“You don’t take vacations.” You sputter, almost laughing.

“Precisely.” He agrees.

He waits for you to shut the door and when you turn, he greets you with open arms.

“How have you been?” He asks, holding the hug for longer than you’re used to which only adds to the anxiety you’ve been feeling all morning.

What’s going on?!

“Hey, you okay?” You ask him, ignoring his question in favor of satisfying your curiosity.

He doesn’t answer but holds the hug a moment longer before pulling back to look at you.

“We have to talk.” He tells you, making your heart pound.

“Okay. You want some breakfast?” You offer, and swallow hard as your fear mounts.

“Sure.” He says and follows you inside.

You make him a full breakfast. Eggs, bacon, breakfast sausage, and buttered toast with a cup of coffee. Just because you can’t stand the idea of being hyped up on caffeine today doesn’t mean David won’t.

He digs right in while you stand on the other side of the island, sipping on your second cup of tea in hopes that it will ease your frayed nerves.

For a few minutes he gobbles down your food but when you shift on your feet for the fourth time, he clears his throat, takes a drink of his coffee, then puts his fork down.

“It’s not exactly bad news.” He assures you, easing you a little but something tells you that you still won’t like it.

“Just tell me, David.”

“As your lawyer,” He begins, sitting back in your old wobbly chair. “It’s my duty to inform you when there are developments with your family’s estate.”

“Right.” You agree, remembering the day he’d found you when you’d turned eighteen to tell you that you weren’t exactly as poor as you’d thought.

You’re not really rich either. You have a little money that your parents set aside for you. Old money that you hadn’t really touched. You use it mostly for bills when you can’t sell a story fast enough and most of your wealth is in this cottage. A family home that you’d had no idea was yours until David brought you here.

Finally, a home, after living in that school all those years.

“Well, I think it might be time to reveal a little more of that estate’s history.”

“Why?” You put down the floral porcelain cup and wrap your arms around yourself, afraid of what he’ll say.

How did you know that something was coming? What kind of sixth sense do you have?!

“After all this time, why would it matter?” You sigh, moving to pull out the second chair to his right on the shorter end of the island.

“Don’t panic.” He tells you, reaching over to place his hand over yours. “Let’s keep our heads. There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

“You say that, but why do I feel like that’s not exactly true?” You sigh.

He blinks, gathering his thoughts before he nods.

“I think I’ll tell you all at once. Like ripping a band-aid. Might be the easiest for you.” He realizes.

You don’t disagree.

“Your family comes from a very small people in Europe. Their origins are hard to trace but we know that they travelled between France, Norway, Denmark, Romania, Belgium, Sweden, Austria, Greece, and even spent a large amount of time in hiding in the United Kingdom.”

“I get it, they were nomads.” You sigh, your mood taking a turn from the anticipation of clarity.

“Yes. Nomads.” David agrees, patting your hand in an attempt to calm you. “I only mention it because there are many questions as to where they had originated from. No one seems to know. Unfortunately, I don’t think that question will ever be answered as all records before their stint in France have been lost.

“What we do know is that your ancestors, your bloodline are royalty.” David says, as easily as if he were telling you your age. “Even though the titles have long since been lost, you are technically—though you have no country to rule over—a princess.”

Slowly his words sink in and your face begins to relax. You look down at his hand over yours and without warning you laugh once. Then again, and again, until you’re leaning on your chair, head thrown back as your whole body shakes with it.

“What is so funny?” David asks, unamused but he goes back to eating.

“This is a joke, right? You’re pulling my leg.” You gasp, breath shallow.

“Not one little bit.” He shakes his head. “If we knew what country your ancestors came from, you would very much be in some palace or castle, reigning over your people. Your parents, were they alive, would have been King and Queen.

“You may not think it possible, but that is your legacy, Y/N. You are of royal blood.” David insists which sobers you a little, but you think it’s so silly that this is what you’d been so scared of.

This is what you’d been dreading?

“Okay. Fine. I believe you. But what does it matter? You said that if I still had a country then I would be princess, but clearly, I don’t. So, I’m not. What’s the point of telling me this when it makes absolutely no difference to my life?

“I don’t feel any different and it’s not like that makes me any richer? I’m still sitting on a decently sized fortune to assure that I don’t want for anything at least until my forties. What could this possibly change that you felt it necessary to tell me?”

David wipes his mouth with his napkin, finishing up the last bit of his coffee before he gets up and with his dirty plates moves towards the sink.

“Leave it, David. I’ll clean up later.” You watch him, sitting up a little straighter as that anxious feeling begins to grow again with his extended silence.

He washes the plate and as he does, your nerves begin to fray again. You anxiously pick at a small splinter in your island, waiting for him to speak.

He turns towards you as he finished washing his plate, then meets your eyes.

“You weren’t just revealing my heritage, were you?”

“No.” He shakes his head. “I felt I needed to reveal your heritage because someone has reached out with the hopes of setting up a meeting with you.”

“Why would anyone wanna meet with me simply because they know of my lineage?” You wonder, slouched, hands moved to your lap to rest limply as you stare at David, fear increasing with every moment that passes.

“May I ask you a personal question?” He says, moving to stand closer as he dries his hand on your dishtowel.

“David, you know everything about me.” You sigh.

“Why haven’t you ever had a boyfriend? Or girlfriend? I’m not sure I’ve ever asked if you-?”

“To be honest, I don’t know either.” You shrug. “I’ve never really thought about it.”

“Not even as a child?” He wonders.

“I was too busy wishing for parents as a kid.” You clarify. “I didn’t have time for crushes or any of that stuff.”

“Are you opposed to a relationship?” David asks, dropping the towel then moving around to sit back down in his seat.

“Opposed?” You ask, shaking your head. “Not exactly opposed. I’ve just never known anyone worth caring about like that. I’m mainly here at home. I do go into town when I need to get my packages but there isn’t anyone there that…I don’t draw attention like that.”

“You’re a pretty girl.” David tells you, reaching over to tug on your sleeve. “When you aren’t sweaty and covered in grass clippings.”

You scoff, shaking your head.

“It’s not something I really worry about.” You admit.

“Would you ever want to get married?” David asks, and your heart is suddenly pounding.

The idea of being someone’s wife had crossed your mind once or twice. Mostly when you’d been jotting down ideas or plotlines for your books. In the end, because you didn’t think you had enough insight, you’d opted to remove all romance. You write mysteries.

“I don’t know that I’d be any good at it.” You confess. “I’m not…I can’t exactly picture myself being someone’s wife.”

“Why not?”

“Because I…I don’t even know what I’d be like in a relationship, sharing space and time, much less sharing an entire life?” You shake your head. “I’m not saying that I haven’t thought about it but it’s only ever been in passing.”

David goes silent, tapping his index finger against the island.

“David, please. You know I can’t take the suspense.” You plead.

“Yes. I’m sorry.” He nods then reminds himself, “Band-aid.”

You take a deep breath and turn to face him a little more in your seat.

“Well, you are aware of our planet’s newest inhabitants?”

“Th-The Asgardians in Norway?”

“Yes.” David nods. “Well, as a sign of good faith, to ensure that they will abide by Earth’s laws and to assuage any ideas from panicked world leaders that they might try and overtake the planet and make it their own, they have decided that marriage to someone from Earth might be the best way to do that.

“The Asgardian known as Brunnhilde has reached out to all families of royal blood and asked to meet with any eligible women, preferably—as she so tactfully put it—maidens.” He explains. “Which I take it you are?”

You swallow hard, your lungs rubbed of oxygen and yet you somehow manage to quietly acknowledge, “Yes. I’m a virgin.”

How can you not be after spending your whole life unconcerned with romance?

“You don’t have to do it, Y/N.” David suddenly says; however, you can see the ‘but’ in his eyes. “But if you don’t and the Asgardian king cannot choose from the women he does meet, you will probably be hunted down and forced to meet with him anyway.

“All world leaders are in agreement that this is the correct and only way to ensure the safety of the planet. They will not give up until every woman meeting the Asgardian’s requirements have been given the chance to meet with Thor.”

“Thor?!” You gasp, rising to your feet as hundreds if not thousands of images flash through your mind of the Thunder God and the Avengers fighting side by side.

“Yes.” David affirms, rising to his feet with you. “With the death of his father, he is now King of Asgard.”

Of course, Thor is going to be King. You already knew this. It’s common sense.

For some reason though, the confirmation made out loud, vocally…how the fuck are you supposed to marry Thor? An Avenger? That’s not…this cannot be real life!

“David,” You begin, apprehensive.

“I know. I know it is a lot to ask but as I said, I don’t believe we have much of a choice. He might very well not pick you.” David adds, rushing to comfort you and point out how unlikely you’d be the one Thor chooses to wed. “There are plenty of other women that he’s already met with. Women that are more suited to life in a palace than you are. The Hungarian princess is so eager to be Queen of Asgard that she’s been sending the other women bribes to try and convince them to refuse.

“It won’t make a difference, since they cannot refuse should Thor choose them.” David admits.

“A-all I have to do is meet with him?” You stutter, heart in your throat.

“Just a quick one-hour meeting. He’ll ask you questions. Get to know a bit about you. See if you are suited for life as Asgardian queen and then it’s over.” David assures you.

“I’m…There are lots of other women better for it, right?”

“Loads of them.” David promises.

New fears begin to take hold in your heart and mind.

It conjures up the last time you’d seen Thor, strutting from a massive spaceship docked over the ocean by New Asgard. He’d risen from its depths all wide shoulders and biceps. Heavy steps thudding as he’d stopped at the end of the massive ramp, waving at the cameras as his people had filed out behind him.

His hair cropped short as opposed to the long tresses he’d had when he’d last been on Earth, one eye missing with a sleek black and gold metal patch over it the absence.

You’ve never been threatened by him before. He’s a hero. But the prospect of being his wife and having wifely duties...

Your mind flies into panic as it shifts that large body over you, crawling towards you with his hands prying your legs open. The years of sexual experience radiating off of this fantasy Thor and all of his bulging muscles.

You almost want to throw up at the prospect of having to consummate a marriage. You haven’t exactly been eager to be with anyone since you haven’t met anyone special, but you’d at least imagined something more intimate. More personal.

“David I-they won’t choose me though, right?” You reach out for him because your legs are suddenly weak.

He takes hold of your arms and helps you stand still.

“They won’t.” He tells you, sounding convinced. “There are better candidates. Women with actual titles.”

He’s right. Of course, he’s right. He has to be right.

“It’s just a quick meeting.” He promises. “Then it’ll all be over, and you can come back to your cottage and live just as you have been, with no one to bother you.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Leaving your little place is difficult. After spending years without a home to call your own, now that you have your cottage, tearing yourself away from it is like pulling splinters.

You like your little yard. You like your flowers. You love your bed and its white sheets, little pink and yellow flowers printed on the soft fabric.

You’d made it more feminine. You’d brought flowers back and frills and lace. You’d made it everything you thought a cottage at the edge of a wood should look like and as time had gone by you’d brought in more personal touches.

After several years, your home is finally completely you.

This place, this massive Asgardian structure is less gold and more wood, stone, and iron. Silver steel polished so bright it gleams even in moonlight. This place is not you. It’s him. It’s Thor. His home.

Right now, with the day almost over, the palace takes on a warmer tone. The wooden structures and gray stone pillars are bathed in orange light, giving the place a pleasant glow and despite yourself, you can almost picture Thor meandering through these Nordic halls, a long crimson robe around his thick form.

It isn’t an unpleasant image now that you’ve given yourself some time to get used to the idea of him.

When you arrived you were greeted and seated in a large round room, the lower quarter of the sturdy walls made of ornate stone brick, the rest of the wall beautiful dark oak. The floor is also stone, massive carpets underneath several pieces of obviously Norse inspired furniture.

Well actually, the Norse was probably derived from Asgardian styles. There’s a difference in them that you can see but don’t understand. The coffee table in front of you has ornately carved legs, golden embellishments, and a black coat of paint.

The sofa you’re sitting on is mostly wood, painted gold, with plush and soft satin covered cushions in wine red.

There are two other tables around the room, a collection of books on one and an array of fruits, foods, and drinks on the other. There are several different statues and stands. Lamps that look as if they should have flames instead of the electric bulbs they now hold.

Small touches of modern design filter through the room complimenting the more traditional décor.

“Hello there.” Says a lilting voice.

You recognize it and turn to find Loki, slipping through a narrow opening in the large set of doors you’d been escorted through almost half an hour ago.

He’s dressed in a black suit with a plain white t-shirt underneath dressing the look down.

“H-Hi.” You stammer, surprised by his appearance.

You stand, knowing well that he may not be King but for Asgard, Loki is still a prince.

“No, please. Do not get up on my account.” He gestures at your seat and you settle back in as he crosses to the table with all the books. “I forgot some papers in here, I only came to retrieve them. Do not mind me.”

You avert your eyes, afraid to see something you shouldn’t and sit just as stiffly as before, hands fisting the royal purple dress you’d chosen to wear. It’s simple, quarter sleeves, high neckline with a small V at the center. Just above your knees in length, it rises as you grip it.

“Nervous to meet my brother?” Loki asks, stopping by the doors as he eyes your tight grip.

“This whole situation is a little stressful.” You admit. “I’m…I live in a small house in the middle of nowhere. I don’t even know why I’m here.”

“Ah, you’re the one with the lost lineage.” Loki realizes, moving closer with interest. “A hidden princess. You could have refused to come, you know?”

“I would have been forced eventually.” You point out. “There are a lot of people who want this marriage thing to happen.”

“True.” Loki agrees, “My fault, I’m afraid. I make them nervous.”

“You did very nearly destroy New York.” You point out, remembering the carnage reported that day. The aftermath had taken forever to clean up.

“I did.” Loki agrees. “Do you fear me?”

“No.” You admit. “If you weren’t safe, Thor wouldn’t have brought you back here.”

“He could just be too trusting.”

“Maybe.” You agree. “But with the fate of his entire people tied to the successful acclimation of Asgard and Earth, if you were really a threat, I think he’d have cut you out before coming back.”

Loki’s lips slowly curl up into a smile before breaking apart into a toothy grin.

“What is your name again?” He asks, a sparkle of something in his eyes.

“Y/N.” You tell him. “Why?”

“No reason. This has been very illuminating, Y/N. It was lovely to meet you.” Loki says then with a quick bow of his head, he leaves you to your solitude.

Confused, you sit there completely at a loss for what just happened.

Had you taken too many liberties with Loki? What had that smile meant? You’d been made aware that Loki was also involved in recruiting women of royal blood into marriage meetings for Thor, but you hadn’t expected him to know you by the description of where you live.

Maybe because it’s so unlike anyone else’s?

You sit there stewing for another twenty minutes, wondering if maybe you’re being stood up when the large doors open once again.

You shoot up onto your feet, so damn nervous your body reacts without your permission. Through the door this time comes the man of the hour. The massive Thunder God dressed in a pair of dark blue jeans and a plain gray t-shirt crosses over to the table with food and pours himself a stein of what looks like beer from a sloshing brown pitcher.

“Estrid, is this from the new batch of ale?” He booms loud enough that he can be heard even outside of the room as he takes a quick sniff of the liquid.

His voice is so deep.

Licking your lips, you watch him drink the entire stein without taking a breath or waiting for an answer, and then refill it before grabbing it and taking an apple with his other hand.

He turns, holding the fruit up to his mouth and freezes with it pressed to his lips as he meets your eyes, realizing he isn’t alone.

You’re not exactly sure what to say or what to do, completely taken aback by this strange and sudden exposure to candid Thor. Both of you unprepared to see each other despite the fact that you’ve literally been waiting nearly an hour for him.

His confusion mounts as he lowers the apple, looking around as if expecting an explanation or to see if he’s in the correct room.

“What time is it?” He suddenly asks, meeting your gaze again.

“N-Nearly six.” You tell him, and his one good eye goes slightly wide.

“Oh!” His lips curl up into an easy smile. “I did not think it was that late.”

His smile makes you feel a little more at ease, but you’re still on edge.

“You’re my meeting.” He tells you, as if you don’t already know that. “Y/N? Y/L/N, right?”

“Yes.” You nod, then before you can stop yourself… “You’re late.”

Thor blinks. Startled it seems or maybe just surprised, but then he smiles again. “Oh. I’m sorry.”

“I mean, you can be as late as you’d like. This is your meeting. Sorry. I didn’t…I don’t know why I said that.” You rush to say.

“No, no.” Thor turns to put down his stein of beer and the apple replaced in its bowl. “You’re right. I am late. We were supposed to meet at five, weren’t we?”

When he turns back to you, you nod.

“I’m sorry. I’m sure you have much you could be doing.” Thor says, moving towards you and gesturing at the spot you’d been in before sitting down at the other end of the sofa.

“No.” You confess. “Not really. I’m actually one of the only people that probably doesn’t have much to do. Well, I mean, I could be writing. Or cleaning house.”

“They tell me that you had no knowledge about your lineage before Brunnhilde reached out to your lawyer?”

You nod. “It’s not really important. Or…no. That’s not the right-what I mean to say is that it isn’t significant to my life.”

“Don’t you want to know who your family is?” Thor wonders.

“I know who my family is. I had a mom. And a dad. Both died just after I was born. That���s my family.” You explain. “Apart from getting to meet you, the news that my family was once royalty doesn’t change it in any way. I’m still just as insignificant today as I was before.”

Thor narrows his brow, watching you for a long torturous moment as he considers what you’d just said.

“Tell me about yourself.” He suddenly says, turning to lean back against the arm, his own thrown over the back, right leg bent up onto the sofa.

“There isn’t much to tell.” You admit. “I was born, my parents died in an accident. I was taken to a school for orphans where I grew up and aged out. On the day I had to leave, Mr. Valis found me and gave me my inheritance which is a good amount of money and a small house. I’ve been living there ever since.”

“You didn’t take any additional schooling?” Thor asks, relaxing. “All the other young women I’ve met have made it a point to tell me about the universities and colleges they’ve attended.”

“I took a few correspondence classes.” You tell him, “But I’ve only ever wanted to write, and I didn’t feel that I needed a higher education to do it. I mean, it would probably look better on my resume, but my writing should speak for itself.”

You can’t really tell what he’s thinking with the way he’s watching you, his hand playing with a thread on the back of the sofa.

You take it as a good sign that many of the other women have a degree of some sort. They must want someone respectable with a good education, right?

“How do you feel about political marriages?” He asks, and you’re stunned for a moment.

“Um…”

“Be honest, please.”

“I guess I don’t like the idea?” You admit. “Being forced to marry someone you don’t love because duty demands it? Feels archaic. If you love someone, whether they fit into whatever political standards are being demanded or not should not be a reason to get married.”

Thor sits up, shifting a little closer as he leans towards you.

“If you were asked to go along with a political marriage in every way but the heart, could you?” He wonders, much more interested than before.

“What do you mean?” You ask, confused.

“Well, let’s say for example, you and I were to marry. We’d be expected to have children. You’d be bound to do your duties as Queen of Asgard, but you would not be required to love me. Would you be able to fulfill these requirements?”

“You don’t want to do this, do you?” You realize, seeing the eagerness in his eyes. His shoulders slump. “If you don’t want to get married, why don’t you just say something?”

“I must do what I can to ensure the future of my people.” Thor says, sighing deeply.

“I’m guessing there’s someone else you do love that you can’t marry?”

“Not that I can’t but won’t. She isn’t ready for marriage and I don’t feel right making that kind of demand from her when she clearly has other things she’d like to be doing with her life. And…yes, maybe a little bit can’t. A royal marriage would make the most sense. I need a Queen.” Thor says.

You can’t find the words to tell him how fucked up this all is so instead you sit in silence.

“I know this is not ideal. I’ve tried to find other ways of assuring Earth of my commitment to this planet but nothing I’ve suggested is good enough.”

He needs a Queen. This gives you solace. No one is less of a queen than you are.

“I’m sorry.” You finally tell him. “It’s not fair. But I’m sure you’ll be able to find someone who checks all those boxes for you. I hear the Hungarian princess is pretty eager.”

Thor ignores you, stroking his beard as he watches you. “What do you want from a marriage? Let us say it’s many years from now and you have found someone you love beyond all reason. You two decide to get married. What does that look like?”

You’re a little surprised by the question but you humor him and take a moment to really think about it.

The man you picture has no face. There is no one you care enough about to imagine. So…because he’s the only option, you take Thor’s face and give your imaginary husband a face.

“We’d be partners.” You tell him. “Open about everything important. We would respect each other’s individualities. If something is troubling me, I would like to know that I could turn to him and if he had something on his mind, I’d hope that he could turn to me too.

“We’d be honest about even the unpleasant aspects of our life together. If we disagreed, we would talk about it openly. We wouldn’t hide from each other. We’d spend as much time as we could together and always make time for each other.”

You picture Thor sitting at your island in your comfy cottage. He’s so massive that he’d take up so much space. You’d have to squeeze past him, and he’d turn to wrap his arms around your waist as you pass.

He’d trap you there, not letting you move.

“We’d make breakfast together. Cramped up in my little kitchen, it would turn into play.” You smile. “We’d lounge around the house, reading and listening to music. In the evenings we’d move out to the backyard and watch the sun set then watch the stars until I’d fall asleep on his shoulder.”

As if you’re caught doing something you shouldn’t be, you startle yourself out of your daydream and feel your neck heat up.

You’d crossed from rational marriage into sentimental and you’re a little shocked at the detail in which your mind has gone.

You’re also a little startled by the pleasant feeling that picturing Thor in those situations has given you.

For someone who has never had a crush, you’re startled by the butterflies it gives you.

“But I’ve never been into anyone like that before.” You tell him, looking away from his intense gaze. “So, even if that’s what I picture, it’s not like it’s ever gonna happen.”

“It might.” Thor says, sounding as if he might be trying to comfort you.

“It won’t.” You assure him. “I hope your girl changes her mind.”

There’s a bitter ache in your chest as you say it, and you’re certain it’s only there because of the little fantasy you just allowed yourself to have. You should have picture someone else.

“I hope they relax on the royal blood thing and let you marry someone you love instead.” You hope.

“You say that as if you already know that I won’t pick you.” Thor observes.

You smile wide, laughing even as you bite your lip. “Well, I’m nothing like the girls you’ve met with. I don’t have endless amounts of money. I don’t have a prestigious education or extensive family. I don’t know anything about being royalty. The others have been doing it their entire lives. I’m the least likely candidate. I don’t fit the requirements, except for the bloodline thing.

“I only agreed to meet with you because I knew that the likelihood of you picking me was almost non-existent.”

“Ouch.” Thor says.

“No!” You rush to say. “You’re very…I mean, you’re kind from what I can tell and honorable. You’ve saved Earth a couple times and you’re a little self-centered but only in a superficial way that doesn’t change the fact that you’re a good man.

“I honestly don’t know why your girl won’t marry you but I’m not right for this.” You nod. “I wouldn’t make a good Queen for you.”

Thor nods slowly, thinking for a minute before he straightens up and turns to rise, slapping his hands on his knees before he moves back towards the table of fruit and beer.

“You’re probably right.” He agrees, and for some reason, you’re disappointed.

Not so much that he isn’t picking you, but rather that he sees you aren’t enough. You’re lacking in some way. Which you already knew but…knowing he thinks that makes you feel a little lousy despite that being something you wanted.

“I suppose I’ll just have to pick someone more suitable. Someone who knows better about ruling a people. All the same, thank you for coming.” Thor says, dismissing you.

He picks up his stein again and turns to look at you as you rise.

“It was a pleasure to meet you.”

You nod, “Likewise.”

After a moment of hesitation, you give him a wave and move for the doors, trembling hands reaching out to yank the doors open and make your escape.

~~~~~~~~~~

It’s been weeks since you met with Thor and you’ve completely forgotten the whole thing. Life has gone back to normal and even though you now know that you’re from royal stock, nothing, as you expected, has changed.

The only plus that has risen from this whole situation is that you can now picture marriage a little better, however inexperienced and cliché it might be, you can make something up now.

Your little fling with the idea of Thor had given you fuel to slip a little romance into your writing and your fingers are flying across the keyboard of your laptop as you type up a new and promising mystery about a set of lovers and the body they discover in the attic of their new home.

You hate to be interrupted during a writing session, but you must have forgotten that about yourself because your phone starts to ring.

Normally you mute it before you even sit down to write.

With a growl you reach over and take a quick look at the number.

David flashes on your screen and quickly you swipe to answer.

“Hey, can I call you back in like an hour? I’m in the middle of a chapter and I’m on a roll.” You plead, fingers still flying across the keys.

“Y/N, Thor chose you.” David’s voice says and your fingers freeze.

There’s a pounding in your chest and your head is full of white fuzz. Your legs are numb, and your stomach is swirling with both flutters and nausea.

You can’t have heard that right.

“What?” You ask, voice shaky.

“Thor. He chose you. I just got off the phone with Brunnhilde and she wanted to let me know so that I could call you and let you know that she’ll be by tomorrow to pick you up.”

This can’t be happening.

“She said to pack only what you absolutely need. Everything else will be provided for you.”

“David…I…I can refuse, right? I don’t have to marry him.” You plead desperately.

“Y/N…” David sighs. “You agreed to this before you went to see him. I’m afraid the time to back out has come and gone.”

“But I can just not do it.” You argue. “They can’t force me to do it.”

“The government will seize your assets if you refuse.” David explains. “They want this done. I’m sorry, Y/N. There’s no backing out of this now.”

“But…But he loves someone else.” You tell him and even though your mind knows that this should be the last thing to concern you, it should not be the first reason you can think of why marrying Thor is a bad idea, it is.

As your eyes focus on the little blinking line of your word doc, your heart gives a painful ache knowing that your husband will be loving someone else.

[reversecreek]

lily for magda (thinking about figs feeling evil), tulip for cricket, marigold for ziggy, chrysanthemum for bradley, belladonna for nyla

lily :   how does your muse view their mother ?  

magda doesn’t know a lot abt her mum. she knows vague snippets n details bt they’re all very elusive. it’s kind of a tricky subject where her mum’s concerned bc when she was younger she’d come up w all these assumptions abt how her mum was n who she’d be if she were with her but the rational part of magda was like..... u don’t know any of this. ur literally making things up. it’s kind of hard for a kid to have that vital person missing from their life n to resist the urge to fill in the blanks with their own projections so the space feels less empty. it’s like having a tooth missing n ur tongue always going back to poke at the spot in ur gum. there’s a constant reminder of loss in that. magda knows her mum liked to sing bc her dad said once she’d always sing to her belly when she was pregnant. this is a lot of the reason why magda has always cared so much abt music bc she took this fact in her fist n grasped it tight n never let go n in a way grew parts of herself around it. it’s like............. i feel like her mum dying in childbirth gave her lots of issues when it comes to her identity n like. who she is n who she wants to be.......... bc of magda’s issues w her dad i feel like she got into this habit growing up of rly putting who her mum could have been on a pedestal n basing everything around that.... she’d be like I’m More Like Her (a belief which was only accelerated bc her dad would drunkenly say she looked so much like her) n cling onto that so she liked herself more bc the other option was her dad who she loves but he’s also an incredibly flawed person n they hv a complicated relationship...... i think as she’s gotten older she’s realised her mum cld very well have been that way too n putting people on pedestals isn’t the way to go about things but. idk. as a kid she was kind of obsessed w this idea of her n this idea that her mum being gone was the beginning n end of everything wrong in her life. for the most part now magda accepts she never knew her n sometimes even feels stupid for grieving her at all bc she never knew her to grieve in the first place but. there’s a tiny part of magda tht still hangs on to the comfort of what she could have had n it’s obvious by the fact she still keeps a photograph of her folded up in her pillow. she loves the mum she made up in her head n she wishes she got to meet her. there’s this sense tht maybe then she wouldn’t feel like this culmination of missing parts more than a person if she’d had that in her life. sighs n lks away holding my dyed black emo bang.....

tulip :   how does your muse view people in general ?  

cricket is like. the strangest little anomaly of a person FGHKSFGHSFKGH bc like. u would rly think that after everything he’s been thru he would just have this absolutely jaded view of people and life in general and i wouldn’t even......... blame him for it if he did like. i’d understand completely bc he’s experienced A Lot of bad stuff. n yet somehow he just.... idk. i think i wrote in a reply once this comparison of cricket n a cockroach in the sense that they have this incredibly reinforced exoskeleton n even if they’re stomped flat they can keep living n bounce back from it n that’s very him but it’s more specifically the hope inside him. he has this little candle lit that good things can still happen midst all of the terrible things n i genuinely can’t see it snuffing out at any point even tho sometimes he might want it to. sometimes i think he even gets into these frames of mind where it jst infuriates the fk out of him bc in his head he’s like why do u even think good shit can happen when u have sm overwhelming evidence to the contrary but then he’s also like. look u can dwell on the bad or u can notice the way the light falls thru the leaves in the trees and u can think to urself inside ur head as u listen to someone u love talking abt something that makes them happy ‘hey this feeling is nice n there’s a dozen others like it’. idk. against all odds he’s an optimist. he has tinnitus in his left ear n sometimes he pretends the ringing is angels trying to talk to him. he likes to search for the silver linings in things to make them bearable n that’s how he gets by. obviously he knows there’s evil in the world n that a lot of people can be shit bc he has firsthand experience w that but he also believes there are people to serve as the antithesis to that n he wants to focus on them bc like. why give bad stuff the time of day. not necessarily always a positive coping mechanism (if u bottle up bad feelings n thoughts they leak thru one way or another aka his overwhelming anxiety) but like.... i think there’s a lot of bravery in that n i respect him for it i won’t lie. he cld have become very bitter bt instead he’s like that quote that’s like 'the gentleness that comes, not from the absence of violence, but despite the abundance of it'. suddenly slaps his little anxious rump (supportive) (affectionate)

marigold :   is your muse prone to jealousy ?  how might they handle envious feelings ?  

it’s hard to say w ziggy............... i feel like he doesn’t want to think he’s prone to jealousy bc he’s like i’m literally a god wdym i simply wld never give a fk bc i know i’m above all else................. but like. do u actually believe that ziggy. do u. FKGJHKSJGHFGSHFGKSHGKFHG. he’s good at convincing himself at least........... has me fooled too most of the time. bt. thinks abt this.............. i feel like he doesn’t tend to get jealous over ppl he hooks up w a lot of the time bt there’s definitely a few select ppl he might.......... n then he doesn’t rly know what that feeling is bc he’s so unused to feeling it so he’s like wtf why am i so fking pissed off over the thought of this person fking that person? like literally doesn’t even. connect the dots n make the logical conclusion bc it jst seems so bizarre n nonsensical to him. rly is awful at working out his own feelings like. he cld just suddenly explode one day n have to smash a bunch of shit in a junkyard n after his chest is heaving n he has all this broken stuff around him n he’s just like yo wtf was that man forreal lmfaoooooooooo..... like he just doesn’t even get how his own emotions work it’s tragic n it’s men for u. w anxious feelings he represses them a lot he doesn’t rly understand what they r or know how to recognise them........... i honestly feel like he has a lot of anxiety surrounding his mum esp w her dating n like some of the guys they’ve both had to deal w that she’s dated in the past.......... i doubt he processes that healthily or expresses it healthily either..... probably contributes to the tensions between him n his mum they hv a lot of underlying issues that come out in the form of bickering n petty disagreements...... probably a huge contributor to him acting out so terribly in high skl was just all this pent up worried energy with no means of making sense of itself or like. place to go. like shaking a coke bottle over n over n finally having to crack the lid n let it fizz on something. i also think he probably swallowed a lot of jealousy growing up whenever other kids had gd relationships w their fathers or parents in general probably ws kind of like lmfaooooo yo why don’t mine love me like that. in his head...... so ya. i think he copes w anxious feelings by acting out n also fucking if we’re being honest......... it helps him let off steam <3 king of clapping cheeks ig....

chrysanthemum :   how does your muse express romantic love ?  how do they feel about love as a concept ?  

bradley is kind of hard to read romantically like from an outside perspective but slides on my thin rimmed spectacles n picks up my scalpel to delve right in to the nitty gritty of her brain... omg... that sounded... kind of scary actually but. it’s ok. basically settles in. bradley struggles to verbalise her feelings in this regard but also in a general sense honestly.... like she’s spent a lifetime having any vulnerable or negative feeling shut down....... her dad’s the type of personality where it’s like... u can’t win. even tho he’s narcissistic n thinks he’s a god if u compliment him or express affection he’ll act pleased but there’ll also be this register in his eyes where he thinks less of u for it. so this rly had a domino effect in bradley’s emotional expression in all grounds of life...... romance is probably the most frivolous concept to tony so bradley definitely internalised some of these views n wld feel stupid for ever taking anything seriously in that regard or rly investing herself..... she also just. idk. love has only ever left bite marks in bradley’s world so she’d kind of like ‘why wld i ever expose my tender spots n open myself up to someone just so they can sink their teeth in’. i will say tho that like. despite that she can in rare instances develop those feelings n it’s always like..... quite a struggle for her when she does. she doesn’t rly understand it or how to deal w it. she finds talking about it hard n she feels childish or weak in the eyes of whoever knows how she’s feeling. it takes a long time n a lot of work to earn it bt bradley in love is like. ur the only person on the planet who knows how gentle she can b. she’d literally like. touch the face of this one guy i wrote her being in love w when he was sad so gently it was shocking it ws like a love tht deep unlocked a whole other part of her she didn’t know existed. sex is a big part of her love expression jst like. a lot of it. so much. JHGSFKHGSFGKHFKGSHG let’s get it.......... she’s a ride or die n doesn’t do anything in halves. she has a nasty habit of pushing good things away n also wld probably do this to protect the other person bc her world is a never ending shit show with her father’s presence in every room even when he isn’t physically there. she wldn’t wna subject someone she loved to the danger of that bc she hates it enough herself so. idk. smiles w hand on hip. love isn’t something bradley thinks is on the menu fr her bc she’s only ever known it to be hard or mean n why bother trying when that’s the case. it feels like there’s always small print attached tht will hurt her in the end n nothing is free or genuine. very doomed outlook on love in general tbh.

belladonna :   how does your muse respond to silence ?   do they take comfort in soundlessness ,   or seek to fill the void with noise ?  

nyla honestly doesn’t mind silence at all........ they always wake up rly early in the morning no matter what time they went to bed. it’s like someone programmed an oven timer into their brain n often when they wake up at 6am or something they’ll go on walks around irving tottering in their own little world which is quite a quiet experience in itself when the rest of the world’s asleep........... always off on impromptu adventures they came up w on the spot.......... sometimes they get lost in their own train of thought too so they just randomly fall silent bc they’re having a whole conversation w themselves inside their head or like. writing a whole children’s story abt an iguana in a trench coat floating in a hot air balloon smoking a little vintage pipe all the way to peru. honestly for every 1 thing nyla says there’s about 4987295749572592745 things they don’t say tht are x100 times stranger n more nonsensical they sort of let it all drift thru their head like an open sieve for the most part. having said tht i think in order to sleep at night they probably need some sort of white noise or smthn................. it’s handy living in a beach house bc they just leave the window open to let the ocean gush bt sometimes if they’ve snuck into like. mido’s bed fr the night or someone’s bed idk the sound of them breathing works too................. they used to always sleep w bob ross playing on loop n that was rly comforting to them esp bc he reminds them a lot of their dad w his calming voice n energy.............. sometimes they’d have taken smthn n they’d literally hallucinate it as their dad instead of bob ross n this happened so many times in a row fr a period of time tht when they finally watched it sober they were like wtf since when did they recast my dad in this show...... KJHFGSHFGKSHFKGH but also. frowns... bit sad considering. 

[boleyn-falcon]

The Queens of The Castle Chapter 5

Its here! i changed it up a little with this one and almost doubled the word count! I’m gonna be putting more words into each chapter so there’s a bit more since i take so long updating (whoops sorry hehe). haha i proise they wil actually be in the parks next chapter i swear! I just wanna build the suspense lol

oh and i hope yall like the little LiW cameo, i will prolly have them pester the queens every once and a while because i love them too much to have them not lol

Word-count - 2811

Chapter1 Chapter2 Chapter3 Chapter4 

‘The queens finally figure out how to actually get into The Magic Kingdom’

Jane looked around in confusion and turned to her Spanish companion with a quizzical look. Catalina just gave an equally confused look as the rest of her fellow queens turned to her, looking for an answer to their confusion. The Spaniard quickly pulled out her phone to double-check if they got on the correct bus. “Well this don’t really look like a ‘Magic Kingdom’ to me ‘Lina”, the German said as she stepped forward, hoping for an explanation of why there were at this ‘transportation center’. The blonde queen walked over to her golden friend and placed a friendly hand on her shoulder, “ I bet it was just a slight misunderstanding of the bus schedule, right Cathrine?”, all Jane got in response was a worried glance.  Anne and Kat decided to just look around to maybe find someone that could lend them a hand, but all they saw where other guests in groups are lines.  The green-clad queen was starting to get a bit antsy as she had no idea what they were doing or what they were doing next, the plans that she made in her head were starting to derail. The idea of not knowing, of being in the dark, left her feeling like she was a sitting duck in an ocean, she hated feeling like a duck. Kathrine, noticing her cousin’s slight fidgeting and cracks in her usual confidant façade, gave her a reassuring smile and put her hands in a ‘rock, paper, scissors’ position. The young queen knew that playing it would help Anne take her mind off of everything, and she was right, her and her older cousin started playing and Anne’s nerves started to calm down slightly.         Cathrine, after a few minutes of reading, addresses the group of Tudor queen, “Okay girls, I know for a fact the bus we took here was the correct one, but after looking at a map I’ve found that the park in question is… across a body of water and we need to take another mode of transportation to get there.”. The rest of the group gave out a groan but Jane was fast to shut down the frustration party, “Well I bet there’s a fast easy way to get to the park! We could maybe find someone who works here to point us in the right direction!”, Anne was fast to shut her optimistic friend down, “Me and Kitty already tried, the only people here are guests like us”. Jane gives a confident look in return and starts to walk towards the crowds of people, “Well then I guess you didn’t look hard enough, trust me, I can find someone!”, the silver woman was gone before they could tell her to wait. They all just stood in shock as they waited for the eventual return of their motherly friend. “ Huh I can’t believe Jane of all people took charge like that, I guess she really is determined for us to have a good vacation here”, the curly-haired bookworm said with a slight smirk tugging at her lips. The cousins just returned to their games of ‘rock, paper, scissors,’ while Cathy continued her book and Anna and Cathrine started chatting.         “So you and Jane really think this trip is gonna go smoothly? And be as good as everyone makes it up to be?”, the short-haired woman says with a hint of skepticism, “I mean it’s going somewhat well so far I just really hope it’s all as good as it seems is all.”, the older queen gives a hopeful look at her fellow divorcee. “Well we are gonna do everything in our power, as you can see with Jane going on her little hunt, to make sure you girls get the vacation you all deserve. We all have been working hard on the show and we needed a well-deserved break and some ‘family fun’ and Jane would call it”, Anna, satisfied with her friend’s response, gave a nod and thankful smile.          Meanwhile, in the crowd of people, Jane was trying to find anyone who even remotely looked like they worked there. She noticed a lot of the people were lining up at certain booths and kiosks, a lightbulb went off in the pale queen’s brain as she walked over to one of the lines. After just a few minutes of looking around her surroundings, she spotted a shorter elderly woman earring a plain white shirt and a name tag. She got a bit closer to get a better look at her nametag that read, ‘Florence’ in bold, presumably her name and, ‘Ocala, FL’. Jane guessed that’s where the woman was from, that would make the most sense. She approached the older woman but before she could speak, the woman flashed her a bright smile, “Hey there honey! You need help findin’ somethin’ ‘round here?”. The queen was slightly surprised by the woman’s straightforwardness and readiness to help, but she was thankful she knew why Jane approached her.  “Well actually yes ma’am, see me and my friends need help trying to get to ‘The Magic Kingdom’, we thought the bus we took here would take us there but we ended up here. Where do we go to get to the park?”, the woman smiled brightly and gave a two-fingered point to her right and Jane’s left, “Well okay darlin’ your gonna wanna take you and your friends in that direction to the ‘Magic Kingdom’ express Monorail right ovr’ there. When Yall take that there Monorail it will drop you off right at the park! I hope all have a magical trip!”. Jane gave a small ‘thank you very much’ and started off back in the direction of her fellow queens so they can really get this show on the road. The hospitality and over-friendliness of the people here threw her off slightly, was everyone here like that? She really hoped so, it would make their trip a lot easier in the long run.        Cathy watched her blonde friend approach the group with a slight skip in her step and a wide smile. Hopefully this meant she found out a solution to their little dilemma. “Okay loves lets get moving! This lovely employee I met told me that we need to get on this ‘Monorail’ to get to the park! It’s right over there so we should be there in no time!”, they all grabbed their various bags and water bottles they set down next to them and started walking with Jane taking the lead. Cathy started to take a closer look at where the silver-clad woman was leading them. There was a large sign that said ‘Magic Kingdom Monorail’ and under that was a large ramp for people to walk up. The short queen looked further ahead of them to see the ramp lead to what looks like some kind of docking and boarding area above the ground. They all make it about halfway up the ramp and stop, there was a line to board but it wasn’t really that long. Cathy takes this as a chance to look up just in time to see a white futuristic train-like vehicle with a lime green stripe going along the side of it. It seemed to have several different areas for, what Cathy assumed, people would be riding. She took a guess that it was going about 40ish miles per hour. This must be the Monorail that takes people from and to the park, seeing this only made the blue queen more curious about what this place had in store.      Cathrine would be lying if she said she said she wasn’t worried about the trip as a whole. One thing that worried the Spaniard was having The Ladies in Waiting house watch for them. Yes she loved and trusted the girls but they can be… a lot sometimes, and that’s why when Catalina got a call from Bessie, she was pretty concerned. The gold queen let out an exhausted sigh and answered, putting her phone on speaker so the rest of the group could listen in. The first thing that comes out of the phone is a distant shrill scream, definitely Joan everyone collectively thinks. Thankfully next they hear an actual voice, a frantic sounding Bessie, “Hey um mu- I mean um Cathrine? We have a small issue at the house-”, the bassist was cut off by a very panicked sounding Maria screaming, “Maggie put the- NO! God no don’t use her legs!”. They all exchanged very concerned looks, well, and a small chuckle from Anna. “Bessie dear what’s going on? Is everyone okay? Was that scream Joan? Is she okay?”, the group waited silently for the musician to respond. “Well um not really? One of Anna’s dogs got out of backyard through a small hole under the fence, but good news Maria grabbed it before it got far! Bad news is Joan tried to squeeze through the hole after it and now shes a little… stuck?”, another crash can be heard and another wail from the stuck pianist and the panicked drummer, “Maggie be gentle with her! We can’t have you ripping her back skin off!”, an even louder scream can be heard in response. Cathrine clears her throat and continues the conversation, “Okay Bessie dear first you all need to calm down. Then just try and calm the poor girl down enough and try slowly pulling her arms from the other side of the fence. If that doesn’t work just try making the hole bigger so she can get out, okay?”. All the queens hear a quiet ‘Okay.. thank you’, Bessie hangs up and they all give out a sigh of relief.  The group all notice the line starting to move and walk forward till they are covered by the stone roof of the open boarding area. It looks like the next monorail that comes along should be the one they can get on since there’s only about 25ish people ahead of them now.         The Cousins continue their games as they wait but Anne soon gets distracted by a spaced-out Cathy near the back of the group. She turns to her younger cousin with a small smile, “Hey Kitty I’m gonna go see what Cathy is up to, you should go keep Anna company since she’s just on her phone, sound good?”, the younger girl gives a smile and a nod as she practically skips over to her German friend. The older beheaded queen makes her way to the back of the group and taps her shorter friend of the shoulder which makes Parr blink and step back slightly in confusion. The curious queen soon turns her surprised look into a happy one after she notices that it was just Anne who tapped her. “Whatcha starin’ at nerd? I’m surprised your nose isn’t buried in that book like earlier”, Cathy just raises her brow and gives a smirk at the dark-haired girl, but the look just becomes a small laugh and smile. “Well I was just thinking about all of the new technology, like yea its been a while since we first came to the modern world and learned about all of the new stuff, but there’s still so much more we haven’t even seen yet!”, Cathy’s eyes practically turned to stars while talking about her fascination with all of the new things she was seeing. The green queen smiled and put her arm around her friend’s shoulder to pull her along, “Well there’s plenty more to see so you have tons of time to see everything, but I bet being up here with the rest of us will let you see even more”, she pulls the curly-haired queen forward closer to the rest of the group.  Right as the pair make it up next to the rest of their friends, they see the monorail enter the docking area.       The group sees doors open on the opposite side of the monorail and just a small handful of people exit, then the doors on their side of the monorail open, and people in the line start entering. They are ushered inside one of the monorail cars along with a handful of people. A small group of teenage boys and from the looks of it their mother, a small family of four, and your average happy couple. They all stood, holding onto the metal rails, waiting for the doors to close. Out of nowhere, they here a voice over the speakers, “Please stand clear of the doors;¡Por favor manténgase alejado de las puertas!”, the Spanish words startled the Spaniard slightly. “Did..did I just hear that correctly? I’m not going crazy right?”, her question was answered as the voice repeated the message when the final doors on their left closed. The rest of the girls gave out a small laugh as Cathy took this as a moment to share what she learned, “Yep! You heard that all right! Since this country is so diverse they commonly have safety messages in multiple languages, most commonly Spanish! Actually a large population of Florida and the south, in general, is Latin American so a lot of people speak Spanish!”, the blue queen beamed, proud of herself for her research coming in handy. Aragon hummed in understanding and awe as the monorail finally started to move.       The queens stood in silence while the groups around them began to start chatting like no one was around, they didn’t seem to mind talking amongst themselves in such an enclosed and public space. That is until the assumed mother of the teenage boys stopped and looked between her boys in the seats and the six queens standing. “Goodness boys where are yalls’ manners? Get up now let these nice women sit down Dontcha?”, all five boys stand up with smiles still plastered on their faces and one of the older ones turns towards the queens, “I’m sorry ladies, here you sit yourselves down and get comfortable”, the queens obliged and sit down, slightly in shock but give small ‘thank yous’.  Anna notices none of the boys are actually hold the poles as they stand, they are all just standing with their feet firmly planted to the ground or with their backs leaning on the poles, one of them even is gripping the pole but with his hand in his pocket, so his hand isn’t actually touching the pole. The German gave a small cough to get the boy gripping the pole through his pocket’s attention and he looks up at her with a curious, but friendly look of acknowledgment. “Not to be rude but, why are none of you actually touching the poles, aren’t they there to be held onto?”, the boy flashes a smile and gives his response, “Well yall obviously ain’t from ‘round here, but here it’s kinda common to not actually hold onto em.”, the teenager counties, “Because you don know how many strangers have touched it an’ all, haha you don’t know what kinda germs they have yknow?”, Anna thinks about his answer, it makes a lot of sense so she just gives him a look of acknowledgment and he goes back to playing on his phone. The red-clad queen didn’t realize how germaphobic people here where, she became used to holding onto things barehanded on the tube and didn’t really think much of how many people must have touched them.       After just five or so minutes of riding, Anne noticed a few of the boys began to look out the window to her left on the sliding door. She moved her body forward slightly to get a better look at what they were gawking at and saw, in the distance, a white and blue castle. The rest of the queens followed suit and peered over to get a look outside the window. “It’s…”, is all Catalina could get out before they all started to slightly tear up at the sight, “...Gorgeous”. Anne took a wild guess that this was the castle that was plastered as a symbol all around the resort. She couldn’t believe it, it hadn’t fully hit her until now, she really was about to enter the famed ‘Happiest Place on earth’. Obviously the castle was meant to be slightly ‘magical’ and look like it was pulled right out of a fairytale, but it looked like something she would gladly take residence in her last life. They started to get closer but the castle came out of view and another docking area began to get closer, they were almost there. The brunette queen began to practically vibrate with excitement as she wiped a stray tear from her eye. Anne stood up as the monorail began to slow down and enter the stone enclosure, “alright girls”, she turned to her friends with a proud and confident smile, “Lets go storm the castle!”.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hope yall get that reference in the last line because if not im gonna feel like a huuuuge nerd-

Taglist - @mindless-pidgeon   @prisky0731  @patdfobmcr-yt  @whenallthestarscollide  @ashkibagi-ziibiing @homosixual-dumbass   tell me if you ever wanna be added or taken off!

[askshivanulegacy]

All for blakk

O M G :’D

I’m not even putting this behind a cut SCREW YOUR DASHBOARD :P

A: Aptitude1. what are your oc’s natural abilities, things they’ve been doing since young?

Hiding.

2. what activities have they participated in?

HACKING, to include some questionably legal manipulation of the Intel mainframes for the purposes of playing a competitive game.

Swoop racing (actually just a dream, he hasn’t raced anything YET, but he’s working on building a racer)

Model building, he has a complete set of working model ships and vehicles

Built his own mouse bot

3. what abilities do they have that they’ve worked for?

All of his skills he’s worked very hard to develop and become proficient at.  He started out at a disadvantage, not being able to concentrate in class and having difficulty remembering things.  He worked very hard to overcome this.

4. what things are they bad at?

Anything involving emotions. :’D

5. what is their most impressive talent?

Knife fighting.  Also dancing, he’s capable of some very impressive dance moves.

B: Basics1. what is their hair color?

Black

2. what is their eye color?

Dark blue

3. how tall are they?

5 ft, 4 in / 162.5 cm

4. how old are they?

Depends, but he starts SWTOR at 17 years old.

5. how much do they weigh?

Somewhat under an ideal healthy weight for his height and age.

C: Comfort1. how do they sit in a chair?

Properly.  Although, left to himself on something comfy, he likes to pull up his legs and snuggle under a blanket.

2. in what position do they sleep?

Usually curled up on one side.

3. what is their ideal comfort day?

Before meeting certain people, it’s holed up in his room either working on his models or studying tech manuals.  After meeting certain people, it’s snuggled on a sofa with something sweet and hot to drink, wearing thick sweater and socks, and either watching the fireplace or a movie (with a fire in the fireplace).

4. what is their major comfort food? why?

Some kind of hot, creamy soup.  Certain people made something like this for him on cold days or to help him feel better.

5. who is the best at comforting them when down?

A feeeew people: Seran-vin ( @askcarminelegacy​), Ziminder ( @kaosstar​), Ahuska ( @dingoat​), possibly a couple others. ♥

D: Decoration1. how would they decorate a house if they had one under their name?

Blakk’s DK stronghold is typically done in cool colors with sleek, industrial lines and clean, minimalistic styles, although he does favor green, so that’s probably here and there.  Left to his own devices though (and maybe some interior decoration hints), his ideal house would probably be decorated warmly, with a more natural, welcoming style of furniture.

2. how would they decorate their child’s room?

Blakk would not have a child. XD

3. how do they decorate their own room?

Same as above, except littered with pieces of tech and various flying vehicle models.

4. what type of clothes and accessories do they wear?

The best in Imperial fashion - clean, sharp lines, asymmetrical styling, appropriate use of contrasting colors and accents, usually a darker color spectrum (unless white or silver).  No flowers.

Accessories include knives everywhere, a stealth unit, comms, Intel-tech grappling hook.  Less practical accessories include possible hat, white or black gloves (or dark green if he’s wearing green), earring (just one, asymmetry FTW), or choker. 

5. do they like makeup/nail/beauty trends?

No.  Except when disguised as a woman, then of course whatever is tasteful and stylish and matching his clothes.  Possibly sparkles and/or tattoos in interesting places if left up to Watcher Two. ;)

E: External Personality1. does the way they do things portray their internal personality?

Yes, very much.

2. do they do things that conform to the norm?

To the classic “Imperial norm,” yes.

3. do they follow trends or do their own thing?

Tasteful trends in fashion.  Other trends, generally not; Blakk is something of a lone wolf and finds it hard to group along with others.

4. are they up-to-date on the internet fads?

Not in the least.

5. do they portray their personality intentionally or let people figure it out on their own?

Blakk unintentionally does not portray his full personality.

F: Fun1. what do they do for fun?

See A for activities. Also, reading technical manuals.

2. what is their ideal party?

Not having one.

3. who would they have the most fun with?

Proooobably a certain Alderaanian noble or a certain Bothan. Or even a certain thief. 

4. can they have fun while conforming to rules?

Blakk certainly thinks he can. 8)  Imperial rules, anyway, no one mentioned anything about Republic rules

5. do they go out a lot?

Nope.

G: Gorgeous1. what is their most attractive external feature?

His eyes.

2. what is the most attractive part of their personality?

Probably his shy kindness or awkwardness.

3. what benefits come with being their friend?

Generally, he’s very loyal to his friends and honestly thinks the world of them.

4. what parts of them do they like and dislike?

Blakk likes his appearance; he’s not shy at all about being seen and being fashionable.  He hates the rest of himself. XD

5. what parts of others do they envy?

The ability of people to make friends or speak or hang out or have fun so easily.

H: Heat1. do they rather a hot or cold room?

Hot!  The hotter the better.

2. do they prefer summer or winter?

Summer!

3. do they like the snow?

No!  Except the indoor part with cozy clothes and hot drinks and cuddling.

4. do they have a favorite summer activity?

Nothing Blakk particularly identifies with the summer.

5. do they have a favorite winter activity?

Avoiding everything about the winter.

I: In-the-closet1. what is their sexuality?

A very in-the-closet Bi.

2. have they ever questioned their sexuality?

Not consciously.

3. have they ever questioned their gender?

Nope.

4. would/was their family be okay with them being LGBT?

What family? 8)

5. how long would/did it take for them to come out?

Still waiting, in denial 5ever, even after having a couple boyfriend AUs. :’D

J: Joy1. what makes them happy?

Sharing time with the people they care about.

2. who makes them happy?

Certain special individuals. ♥

3. are there any songs that bring them joy?

Probably, especially when certain people sing them.

4. are they happy often?

No.

5. what brings them the most joy in the world?

Someone telling him, “I love you.” It’s never happened.

K: Kill1. have they ever thought about suicide?

Yes.

2. have they ever thought about homicide?

”Thought” implies something deeper than a daily occurance. XD

3. if they could kill anyone without punishment, would they? who?

Blakk already does, but he has no one specific in mind.

4. who would miss them if they died?

Blakk thinks no one would.

5. who would be happy they died, anyone?

DERRICK @kaosstar​

L: Lemons1. what is their favorite fruit?

He doesn’t know enough to have one.  Raspberry might be a good contender.

2. what is their least favorite fruit?

Still doesn’t know enough to have one, but possibly lemons. XD

3. are there any foods they hate?

FLOWERS.

4. do they have any food intolerances?

Possibly. Blakk just needs to be careful he doesn’t overdo it with foods he’s not used to (his regular diet is exclusively nutrient bars).

5. what is their favorite food?

Nutrient bars.

M: Maternal1. would they want a daughter or a son?

No.

2. how many children do they want?

Zero.

3. would they be a good parent?

Blakk would be a terrible parent.  He’s not in a position or a mindset to care for a child, he might never be in one.

4. what would they name a son? what would they name a daughter?

Nothing.

5. would they adopt?

Nope.

N: Never Have I Ever1. what would they never do?

Blakk would never want to hurt the people he cares about ... but it’s happened anyway.

2. what have they never done that they want to do?

Race a swoop.

3. is there anything they absolutely can’t believe people do?

Probably not.

4. what is the most embarrassing thing they’ve done?

That one time he was swindled into going undercover at a strip club.

5. have they done anything they thought they’d never do?

Defect from Imperial Intelligence.

O: Optimism1. are they optimistic or pessimistic?

Very pessimistic.

2. are they openly optimistic, throwing it on others?

No.

3. are they good at giving advice?

Terrible at giving advice, but that doesn’t stop him. :’D

4. is there anyone in their life that throws optimism on them?

A good handful of people, haha.

5. were they always optimistic?

Blakk was ... once, in a part of his life he no longer remembers.

P: Personality1. what is their best personality trait?

Kindness.

2. what is their worst personality trait?

Negativity.

3. what of their personality do others love?

Probably the kindness and stubbornness.

4. what of their personality do others envy?

... Possibly his loyalty?

5. do they hate anything about their personality/about other’s personalities?

Blakk hates his lack of confidence and his introvertedness. There’s not much he actually hates about other people’s personalities, except cruelty. 

Q: Questions1. do they ask for help?

Never, if he can help it.

2. do they ask questions in class?

Rarely.

3. do they answer questions that make them a little uncomfortable?

Not usually, although there’s not much that would make Blakk uncomfortable in a classroom setting.

4. do they ask weird questions?

No.

5. are they curious?

Reasonably curious, moreso about things of a technical nature.

R: Rules1. do they follow rules?

Imperial rules, yes.

2. would they be a strict or laid-back parent?

Neither.

3. have they ever been consequenced for breaking a rule?

People have tried, in Republic space. 8)

4. have they broken any rules they now regret breaking?

Does blowing up hundreds of thousands of people across several planets count?

5. do they find any rules they/others follow absolutely ridiculous?

Mandalorian rules.

S: Streets - already answered!

T: Truth

1. are they honest?

Generally, but there are a lot of things Blakk lies like a rug about.

2. can they tell if someone is lying?

Usually; it’s part of his Intelligence training.

3. is it obvious when they’re lying?

No, unless it’s about his own feelings. 8)

4. have they lied about anything they regret lying about?

Oh yes. Or half-truths, or not confessing his feelings before it’s too late.

5. have they told truths that have been spread against their will?

No, but certain people have discovered truths Blakk would rather have been left alone.

U: Underdog1. have they been bullied?

Yes, even beat up a few times at Intelligence.

2. have they bullied anyone?

No. 

3. have they been physically attacked by a bully?

Yes.

4. have they ever been doubted?

Blakk has never told anyone.  He thinks “allowing” himself to be beat up is a severe weakness, and he’s pretty demoralized that no one noticed or stepped in.

5. have they surprised people with being good at something?

When it comes to fighting, probably yes.  He’s extremely agile, tenacious, and downright vicious.

V: Vomit1. do they vomit often?

No?  This is a very bizarre set of questions.  Clearly someone had no ideas when it comes to ‘V’.

2. do they get lots of stomach aches?

Possibly, when eating too much unfamiliar food.

3. are they good at comforting someone ill?

Not very good, but Blakk will sit with them and provide company.

4. what do they like as far as comfort goes?

Warmth and physical contact.

5. do they burp, cough, or hiccup most when nauseous? when vomiting?

Not exactly a very relevant question. XD

W: Water - already answered!

X: Xylophone

1. what is their favorite genre of music?

Generally something smooth and instrumental, like Classical.

2. do they have a favorite song?

Probably a few, or anything sung by a certain Alderaanian.

3. do they have a favorite band/artist/singer?

Just one favorite singer. So far.

4. can they sing well?

Blakk can actually sing reasonably well, he’s a tenor.

5. can they rap?

If his life depended on it?  Probably. :’D

Y: You1. how old were you when you created them?

Uhhh I do a terrible job of tracking what I did when.  Just about the time I started SWTOR, I created Blakk.

2. what inspired you to create them?

Blakk is the what-if Imperial universe version of my Jedi Knight Zakku’an.  The “what-if” brainstorming determined how his personality changed, and his appearance is the result of what I liked when changing Zak’s appearance with the character creator. XD

3. were they different when they were first created?

As Zak, he was very different.  More optimistic, friendly, and light-hearted.

4. do you enjoy writing them more than other characters?

Yes!

5. what’s your favorite thing about them?

Everything, especially how he has a chronic, “dig himself into deeper and deeper holes” problem. XD

Z: Zebra1. what’s their favorite animal?

He hates animals. Wolves.

2. do they like animals?

Not generally.  Although one day he will end up with a varactyl named Featherhead, an akk dog he will be Force-bonded to, and a pack of miniature blurrgs named after his friends. 8)

3. cats or dogs?

Neither? Both?

4. what’s their dream pet?

Since he’s never wanted a pet, he doesn’t have one.

5. do they have any pets at the moment?

Not at this very moment, but see #2.

@kaosstar I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY XDDD

[batbobsession]

"Adventure" - BATB14fics

(dang, this one's overdue, but duty calls.)  Tagging the people I think might be interested: @lumiereswig @tinydooms ​@naturepointstheway @sweetfayetanner 

Play this in the background for a little extra feels: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WObNSQzQgMo

----------

"He could have gotten angry with you."

"Oui, I know, but it was Cogsworth that said it, and though he could have worded things a bit...differently...it was true, all of it."

The candelabra keeps his flame low, but Plumette still floats, aloft, about a foot away.  They pass through the servants' quarters, still reeling from the master's daily outburst.  Today he had blamed Lumière for not coming as quickly as he should have, and the maitre d' didn't have the heart nor the courage to tell him that, as he was now four feet and five inches shorter than he used to be, it would take a few minutes more than usual.  He seems to blame the servants for everything these days--coming, or not coming, or preparing dinner wrong.

The more accurate description that Lumière would prefer not to use is that he still does not have the courage to stand up to those two-inch claws and those obscene teeth.  As for the majordomo, he is either filled with an absurd amount of courage or a brave amount of madness.  They both know this.

"It's only been a year," Lumière supplies.  "We'll have a young madam falling for him soon, then this nightmare can end."

Plumette turns her head to smile at him, but she can tell his flames are low for more reason than just her safety.  She can feel it too--it's been a year.  A year and any of the ladies that they had sent out invitations to had promptly run away screaming, only to forget about the castle a week later.  Plumette cursed the witch that did this to them daily--at least they could have lived on in the horror stories of the passing townsfolk instead of laying here forgotten.  She was beginning to get desperate. 

"Did we really deserve such a fate, Lumière?"

"Oh, mon coeur..."  The flames are immediately snuffed out and Plumette alights next to him so he can hold her.  It still feels wrong.  The only warmth she feels comes from the smoking wicks on his hands and head.  

No, not on.  Where they used to be.  She shakes her head and he hugs her tighter.

"Why does he have to be such a...such a beast?"

That last word hangs in the air; all the other candles seem to dim when she says it, and she regrets it immediately.  Did he hear her?  No, of course not, they were near the East Wing, there's no way.  But how could she have said that, now that their master had fur and wild eyes and teeth that could break bones?

She and Lumière used to call him that when they passed each other in the hallways.  They called the king that more.  They had giggled at the thought of losing their heads if he ever found out.  But this...this was worse than death.

"Say," Lumière says, "you remember that little corridor?  I bet we'll finally be able to figure out what's on the other side."

Plumette feels herself smile despite the distress.  There's a small, secret corridor that starts right outside the women's' rooms.  There's always been an urn blocking the corridor because the space was too small and too narrow for anyone to fit through--well, perhaps Chip could have fit at one point, but she and Mrs. Potts never thought to mention it.  It's still one of Lumière's unsolved mysteries, though.  She's lost count as to how many he has. 

She musters a small laugh, trying to make light of the situation, just as he did.  "You're happy we're this small now, aren't you?"

"Mon cherie, sometimes being optimistic brings a new way of looking at things."

"Oh, you fool."

"I will acknowledge that, but silently disagree."

"Alright.  Yes.  Let's finally put that inquisitive mind of yours to rest."

"Inquisitive? You speak as if we are on an adventure."

"Yes, exactly."  She floats away from him, staring down the hallway and lifting her wing to block imaginary sunlight.  "We are going on an adventure, to an uncharted part of the castle.  Anything could happen."

"I'm glad I have you to protect me, then."  The maitre d's voice barely holds back his laughter.

She smiles, genuinely this time, and they set off.  Perhaps it will stay the pain to pretend a little while longer.

----------

They fit into the opening quite easily, leaving behind the lights that line the main halls of the castle.  After the tiny hallway has become dark ahead of them, Lumière steps up to take the lead, his flames a more welcome sight than ever.

"How much more?" 

"Well, the strange thing is..."  Lumière held one of his candles forward, but the flame was completely still and steady.  "I don't think this passage leads out of the castle.  There would have been a draft.  This could open up into a secret room."

Or a dead end, Plumette thinks, but keeps it to herself.  She can still see how excited he is.  But then she sees something else, a glimmer of light, barely visible, winking in the dark.

"Lumière, blow out your candles for a moment."

He gives her a questioning look but obeys, plunging the two of them into complete darkness.  Plumette starts forward, squinting, but she sees it again--something is shimmering in the darkness up ahead.

"What is it?" asked Lumière, hovering somewhere near her.

"There's something up ahead," she exclaims.  "I think we're getting close."

"Merveilleux," Lumière says.  "If I may...?"

"Go on then." She gives him a playful smack before retreating back a few paces.  "Not afraid of the dark, are you?"

"You would be surprised," came the reply, and the secret passageway is once again filled with golden light.

After about two more minutes they come across what Plumette saw, and all of breath goes out of her when she realizes what it is.

It's a simple necklace; it has a chain made of silver diamonds that still twinkle despite the thick layer of dust that covers them.  The pendant is a large one, made of a single blue gemstone that flickers in Lumière's light.

It takes the maitre d' a little longer; he is not as intimate with the numerous rooms in the castle as Plumette is.  But she can see his light shake despite his stillness.

"Is that...?" 

"It's her Highness' favorite necklace," Plumette answers.  "She wore this everywhere."

"I thought she was buried with it."

"Non, but the other maids and I scoured the castle after she died.  We could never find it.  Who knew it was here, all this time?"

"Très étrange," Lumière mused.  "But look, what are all these, then?"

The candlelight shifts and Plumette realizes that the necklace is only what is in front. This dead end is absolutely filled with little treasures.  They immediately get to work exploring.

"Ah-hah, the king's signet ring," Lumière declares, picking it up with both hands.  "Still as dull as the times when he wore it.  Little smaller than I remember."

Plumette takes some old wires into her wings.  "Look at these--old violin strings!  They've fallen apart by now."

"Well, there's no way they're Chapeau's, he wouldn't leave extra strings alone for an hour."

There's more: pieces of an old pocket watch, a book on different cultural histories, some gold bracelets, and a few more rings.  Plumette begins to think they had actually found treasure on their little adventure; she can't wait to go back and tell everyone.  She starts to gather the queen's necklace in her arms when she senses Lumière freeze next to her.

"Cherie?" She stands up.  "What's wrong?"

"I believe I've found out who's responsible for hiding all this away."

"Oh really?"  She turns toward him. He has another necklace wrapped around his arm.  The chain is incredibly fine--Plumette is surprised it hasn't broken--and its pendant hangs open halfway.  A locket.  Lumière doesn't have the necessary appendages to open it all the way, so Plumette takes it in her...feathers...and slowly pushes it open.  There, nestled inside, is a crudely drawn sketch of a woman with her arms wrapped around a young boy.

She drops it.  The chain is once again suspended around Lumière's arm, but he lets it fall away.

"I was thinking when we came through." His voice is quiet and flat.  "A small child could have fit in here if he tried.  The prince was a very small child at ten."

"Mon Dieu," she whispers. 

"It makes sense, now," he continues.  "He hated studying history.  He never could learn how to play the violin right--much better luck with the pianoforte.  The signet ring that made his skin red when he wore it for a while.  And these bangles, that necklace, this locket..." He looks up at her with an expression that is neither triumphant nor destroyed.  "Mementos to keep his mother close."

Plumette looked at their findings.  Where there was once excitement in her heart, there is grief, hard and hot and twisted.  She wants to cry, but she lost the right to that long ago.  Far before this curse had been wrought on them.  

Oh, she is wrong.  

She has been so wrong.  They were not cursed a year ago.  They were cursed the day the queen died.  From the moment that the king's gloved hand had struck his son's cheek for the first time, and up until now.

"We could have helped," Plumette whispers.  "We could have done something, anything, to help Adam, to stop his Highness--!"

"Of course," Lumière reassures, "of course we could have.  But we were afraid for our sakes as well."

"Not as afraid as we are now."

"Do not despair.  This is not forever."

"How do you know?" Plumette asked.  

"How do I know?" Lumière sweeps his arm across the tiny room, effectively lighting it up.  "Here is the proof!  This kind, sweet little boy that rebelled against his father's tyranny is still with us...albeit, covered with all that fur.  But still with us!"

Plumette recognizes the attempt at humor and smiles, but it's in that moment that she realizes he's right.  There is hope, and this adventure has shown her that; she just needed to look at it the way Lumière did.  If the right woman comes along, she might be able to coax that boy out into the light again.

"Now." He turns to her.  "Have I not lifted your spirits?"

She shakes her head in disbelief.  He truly is amazing.  "How do you do this?"

"Oh, did I forget to mention that optimism can also be contagious?"

She laughs then, a genuine laugh, and it is just the same as it used to be.  "Then we should probably head back.  I fear I might be coming down with something."

[sims3morgans]

Siblings Interview Tag

I was tagged by @dreamsongsims​ Thank you! It was fun to write dialogue for Olwyn and Bethan, I’ve not done that before because of the style of my blog. I got a little bit carried away, hope you enjoy!

Tagging: @simcatcher​

Interview under the cut...

The following is part of the transcript of an interview with the Morgan Sisters, following the publication of Olwyn Morgan’s second book. Under her pseudonym Octavia Morrigan, Olwyn has had incredible success but has until refused all calls for media interviews. She agreed to this one for International Sisters Day so long as her sister Bethan could join us.

1. Which one of you is the older sibling?

Bethan: That would be Olwyn.

Interviewer: Do you remember a time before Bethan came along Olwyn?

Olwyn: I do, but only just. My earliest memory is watching my parents renew their vows when I was a toddler. After that I hadn’t long aged up into a child when Bethan was born – so I haven’t got many memories without her.”

2. What do you like about your sibling?

Interviewer: Bethan, would you like to start?

Bethan: Sure. Okay so the first thing you need to know about Olwyn is she’s kind. And patient. I’ve seen that my whole life, she’s been the perfect big sister, balancing me out – I’m a little more abrupt I guess.  But as I’ve got older I’ve seen she’s got a wicked streak too. She kept her success as an author a secret but played with us by buying expensive presents… I knew my prom dress was hella expensive but I couldn’t prove it! Oh yeah, so she’s generous too.

Interviewer: And you Olwyn?

Olwyn: Bethan is patient in her own way too. When we were children she tried  hard to help me out of my shell, I was so shy you see. What I really admire in her though is the way she feels things so deeply. I can remove myself form my feelings a bit, but Bethan really feels whatever she’s feeling. Love, hate, loyalty… it’s wonderful.

3. What annoys you about your sibling?

//Bethan glances at Olwyn, she’s grinning.//

Bethan: Olwyn?

Olwyn: Bethan can be a bit… well sometimes she….

Bethan: I’m a bit much!

Olwyn, smiling: Exactly. When a family friend was living with us, back when we lived in Bridgeport.

Bethan: That ****.

Olwyn: Bethan! You see? Well sometimes she feels things so deeply she actually makes the situation worse. A***** (name redacted) was being unpleasant to me personally, but the three of us shared a room. The smart thing to do was to swallow our feelings so we could rub along in those small quarters – Bethan took against him and created an atmosphere.

//Bethan rolls her eyes and leans back in her chair.//

Bethan: A***** (name redacted) was a ****. Whatever. You know what annoys me about you Olwyn? You’re too easy going. You forgive people, and let them walk all over you. If I ever see A***** again, he won’t know what’s hit him.

4. Describe your sibling(s) with three adjectives.

Bethan: Olwyn is serene, kind, and unaccountably humble.

//Olwyn appears touched, her hand on her chest.//

Olwyn: Thank you. I would say that Bethan is earnest, adaptable and loyal.

5. What is your sibling’s/siblings’ biggest talent(s)?

Bethan: Oh that’s easy, she’s an amazing author! I loved her work even before I knew she was the one writing it.

Olwyn: Thank you Bethan, it was quite tough listening to you speculate about the plot for the sequel, you had it all so wrong! But anyway.  Bethan’s biggest talent is her ability to see the diamond in the rough. She does it at work, finding scrap to turn into art, but also in people. She’s see’s inside people instinctively, and often brings out the best in them just by being herself.

//Bethan’s mouth drops open.//

Bethan: I… Olwyn. I… that’s beautiful.

//Olwyn shrugs.//

Olwyn: It’s what you do.

6. What is your sibling(s) really bad at?

Olwyn: Bethan can’t always see very far ahead. She lives in the moment you know? She can be so fixated on doing what she’s doing the consequences escape her.

Bethan: Oh so you’re bringing up the swimming thing again…

Olwyn: I…

Bethan: Okay, I swam too far out into Bridgeport River. I was having fun!

Olwyn: Bethan it’s all water under the bridge.

//Bethan pauses, then grins.//

Bethan: That was terrible. Right, okay so Olwyn is really bad at gardening. Mum and Dad, their whole livelihood is gardening and Olwyn’s been trying to help them since she was a kid but they’ve never had the heart to tell her how bad she is at it!

Olwyn: They all look the same! How you can tell a shoot from a weed…

7. Do you have nicknames for each other?

Bethan: No not really. We don’t do that in our family I guess. Olwyn would you..?

Olwyn: Yes I agree. Both our names are quite short so we’ve not needed to shorten them further, and silly nicknames… no – it’s not for us.

8. What’s one thing you can do that your sibling(s) can’t?

Olwyn: Bethan’s not really at home in the kitchen. I can cook quite well, I do a nice ratatouille. Which is just as well we eat a lot of vegetables. We were quite poor for a long time you see, sometimes we only had the vegetables we’d grown ourselves to eat, for weeks at a time. You learn to make the most of what you have.

Bethan: I paint – I don’t know if Olwyn’s ever picked up a paintbrush! I did a few for her side of the bedroom because she was going to be satisfied with bare walls.

9. Did you get along when you were younger?

Bethan: We did. We’re fairly different Sims, but we got along very well.

Olwyn: We had to I think. Our bedroom in Bridgeport was so small… any arguments could have got nasty. Maybe being so different was our saving grace, less conflict?

10. What is your funniest childhood memory of your sibling?

Olwyn: Bethan was a treasure trove of funny moments, I think she put it on a bit to lighten tension. When we were both children, she had this signature pratfall off the climbing frame at school – cracked me up every time!

Bethan: Looking back, there’s loads of moments where Olwyn was being really funny but in her understated way you know? I think for me it’s when we were both teens and we had this really nasty teacher for music class. Neither of us are musical, so she was pretty mean to us. Olwyn would insist in smiling sweetly and saying “See you next Tuesday” to her after every lesson. Cracked us all up, because we weren’t sure whether the good girl Olwyn knew what she was saying! Mrs Bridey wasn’t sure either – her eyes would bug out!

Olwyn: Oh I definitely knew what I was saying.

11. Are you closer now or when you were younger?

Bethan: Physically obviously we were closer when we were younger. Not living together does limit things! I miss Olwyn’s cooking, and chatting over breakfast… but we’re still close.

Olwyn: I think we have that kind of relationship where you might not see each other for a couple of weeks, but when you do it’s like you’ve never been apart. We’re not brittle, we’re sisters and friends and no amount of time apart could change that. We’re young adults now, and making our own lives, and we’re confident enough in our relationship to give each other the space to do that.

Bethan: Ugh, Olwyn you always say things so nice!”

Olwyn: I am a wordsmith Bethan!

12. Did you compete with each other?

Bethan: Nope.

Olwyn: No, not really. We built each other up.

13. Which one of you is more likely to turn out like your mum or dad?

Olwyn: Well neither of us is particularly interested in vegetables…

Bethan: Olwyn! She means like, emotionally and stuff.”

Olwyn: Oh of course. Well we’ve both inherited a strong sense of family being important from them. Of sticking together, and helping each other out. Financially, emotionally, we’re a team.

Bethan: Right. Olwyn’s got it in one – family is more important than anything. Than money, than fame… it’s everything.

14. Which one is most likely to have a big family?

Both at the same time: “Bethan.” “Olwyn.”

//The sisters look at each other, both surprised by the others answer.//

Interviewer: Hmm, moving on…

15. What is one thing about your sibling(s) that has changed as you’ve gotten older?

Olwyn: Bethan where’s her hair down sometimes now. It’s been in a ponytail since she was old enough to reach behind her head to tie it up! But I guess she’s also more secure in herself. You seemed to want to prove yourself when we were younger Bethan, you still have drive and ambition but the edge to it has softened.

//Bethan nods.//

Bethan: I guess I can see that. I was desperate to help the family with our finances, then I was desperate to make a connection with a boy – any boy! I think the urgency wore off both those things, and I was much happier for it.

And you Olwyn, I think you’ve found your niche. In Bridgeport you never really fit in anywhere, but here in Appaloosa Plains you’ve found friends and  - oh I dunno. You just really seem to belong here.”

16. Who’s better at math?

Olwyn: Bethan.

Bethan: Yep, definitely me.

17. Who is more pessimistic and who is more optimistic?

Bethan: We’re both optimists, but it comes out differently I think. Olwyn finds the silver lining in any situation, so is happy to sit in it even if it’s actually not that great. I look at a situation and look for ways to make things better, or move things along at least.

18. Is there anything you don’t like doing together?

Olwyn: I don’t think we’ve ever gone drinking together, I’m not sure if it’s because Bethan and I don’t want to or just haven’t…

Bethan: Hey that’s right! And a lot of our friends overlap. Weird.

19. Which one of you do you think will get married first?

Olwyn: Bethan, things are looking pretty serious with her and Calvin..?

Bethan: I’m not sure we’re there yet!

Olwyn: Bethan, you have matching tattoos.

Bethan: Yes but… well he hasn’t asked. And I don’t plan to. Getting married is just so – I mean I love him but… It’s so public! You’ll probably get swept off your feet and marry someone within a season while Calvin and I are still figuring things out.

20. Lastly, how often do you argue?

Olwyn: Not often.

Bethan: Only about the big things, we don’t stress the small stuff. We get that from our dad, he’s pretty easy going.

Olwyn: Whereas mum...

Both laugh

[askblueberrymuffin]

REALLY LONG CHARACTER SURVEY.

RULES. repost ,   don’t  reblog  !  good  luck  !

TAGGED. @vertebralheights sorta? TAGGING. I dunno, do what u want

BASICS.

FULL NAME: Sans Gaster

NICKNAME:  Blueberry, Muffin, Blue

AGE: 23

BIRTHDAY: July 1st, 20XX

ETHNIC GROUP: Skeleton/Shadow Monster

NATIONALITY: Underground??

LANGUAGE(S): English, Wingdings(?)

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Asexual

ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Panromantic

RELATIONSHIP STATUS:  Forever alone Single

CLASS: Middle class? Maybe upper middle when their mom was around?

HOMETOWN / AREA: Snowdin

CURRENT HOME: Still Snowdin, same house and everything

PROFESSION: Sentry, but he’ll likely pursue higher education soon

PHYSICAL.

HAIR: Skeleton?

EYES: Usually cerulean blue.

NOSE:  Nope

FACE:  Boney (har har)

LIPS:  Still skeleton

COMPLEXION: Guess what? Skeleton

WEIGHT:  Like, 9 lbs.

BUILD: Bony boi

FEATURES:  Solid shadow? In skull and ribcage? Also tiny nubby tail

ALLERGIES: Straight up a magic skeleton

USUAL HAIRSTYLE: No?

USUAL FACE LOOK: A bright smile

USUAL CLOTHING: So many sweaters. Too many sweaters. And baggy pants. And cerulean boots. Of course all topped off with his scarf, tied as a bandana.

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEAR(S): His brothers dying, Cake killing himself(again), Cake self harming(more), being abandoned, hurting others, using others, being alone, fire, being burned, the kitchen, ice picks, chisels, sledge hammers, lighters, people getting hurt because of him, people dying because of him-- *SLAPS ROOF OF SANS* THIS BAD BOI CAN FIT SO MANY FEARS and he hides them all so they never get any better, someone help him oh my god--

ASPIRATION(S) : He wants to help others however he can. He also would really like to be come a scientist, but he puts that aside for the former

POSITIVE TRAITS: Excitable, loving, affectionate, intelligent, optimistic, resourceful, adaptable, perseverance, determination, overwhelming kindness and forgiveness

NEGATIVE TRAITS: Depressed, fakes many emotions, fakes many situations, fakes his persona, shoves his own feelings aside constantly, takes all the blame, always takes the fall, forgives instantly, never blames anyone, too trusting, can be absent minded, easily distracted, never honest about his own feelings to other or to himself, won’t tell people when they’re hurting him, will do almost anything you tell him, he’s entirely too codependent, his entire life revolves around his brothers, if you take that away he doesn’t know who he is anymore, he’s content now but if he were to ever not be, that is a very, very steep slope with no coming back. Get this baby a therapist, someone.

ZODIAC: A hecking crab Cancer

TEMPERAMENT: He only gets upset when bad stuff happens to others or they talk bad about themselves. Otherwise you could literally stab him and-- WAIT people literally did torture him and he was not at all upset! Ahhh--

SOUL TYPE(S):  Monster Soul?

ANIMALS:  Probably some kind of dog. He’d be the goodest good boy.

VICE  HABIT(S): He stress bakes and stress cleans. Don’t take that for innocence as he’s tried other things. A lot of other things. But he has 1 HP, hates the choking feel of smoke and can’t get drunk if his life depended on it. ...Perhaps it isn’t so innocent though, looking at all he does.

FAITH: Who needs gods when you’re a massive science nerd

GHOSTS?: Yes?

AFTERLIFE?: He believes there is none. A part of him hopes he is wrong.

REINCARNATION?: He’s a science nerd, he hasn’t put much thought into this stuff.

ALIENS?: He believes with the vastness of the universe, likely? He wants to meet one.

POLITICAL ALIGNMENT: Heavy shrugging? He only wishes the Queen were more open.

ECONOMIC  PREFERENCE: None in particular

SOCIOPOLITICAL POSITION: He’s content where things are.

EDUCATION LEVEL: High school. He hopes to change this now that they actually have money--

FAMILY.

FATHER: Wingdings Gaster

MOTHER: D̵̀́͟͜r̶̶̶̛̕.̴̀ ̷̡̨̢P̶̧e̢̡̕n̷̷̨̧u̴̶m̡̛͘͠͠b̧͞͠r̴̷̨͞ą̧̛͘ ̸̨G̴̡͜͜͠a̵͜s̢̀͜t̢e͠҉̕͟r̷͏̢̢̀

SIBLINGS: Papyrus ‘Cake’ Gaster (younger), Papyrus ‘Rex’ (older)

EXTENDED FAMILY: Sakura Shalie (niece), Martin Magnus (nephew)

NAME MEANING(S): I dunno, ask their mom OH WAIT-- (imsorry)

HISTORICAL CONNECTION?: His mom was the royal scientist, while his dad killed the human who possessed the soul of integrity. Perhaps in certain timelines caused by a certain human, he may have been more historically important (winkwinknudgenudge)

FAVORITES.

BOOK: Pffff-- Textbooks, old scientific studies, non-fiction, history texts, books on space, really just picture anything nerdy. He loves it. Oh yeah, and sci-fi.

MOVIE: The first Star Wars film, he will fight

5 SONGS: Dollhouse, Sleeping Powder, More Than Words, Squid Melody [Blue Version], Cut My Hair

DEITY: Can I just put Phil Swift here? I’m doing it.

HOLIDAY: Christmas

MONTH:  July. Birthday time!

SEASON: Indifferent. They all seem the same to him.

PLACE: Quiet places no one else can reach

WEATHER: Storms. Rain storms on the surface.

SOUND: Laughter

SCENT(S):  Laundry, baking, cooking

TASTE(S): He loves tomatoes? In juice, sandwiches, food in general? Yeah.

FEEL(S):  Warm, soft, physical contact with other living beings.

ANIMAL(S): He loves dogs? All dogs. So many dogs. He wants to pet them all. All dogs.

NUMBER: 9 now. XD

COLORS: He likes orange and blue. He says his favourite colours are his dad’s eyes. Which sounds adorable tbh--

EXTRA.

TALENTS: He’s a little smarty pants with a good memory. Helpful for science, helpful for reloads. He’s decent at cooking and is much, much to physically strong for his 1 HP?? He also has quite the great handle on his magic. Fighting him isn’t fun, at all. He’s only been fairly beaten once. He’s empathetic, great at reading people and a masterful deceiver. He could be a super villain with his manipulation abilities tbh, but he just hates the idea of using people.

BAD AT:  He acts before he thinks. He switches from topic to topic and overpowers conversation. He’s quick to defend others and gets himself hurt like this more often than not, and mentally he’s an absolute wreck. He can be overbearing and clingy though, especially to those close to him. The more paranoid he becomes, the more annoying he seems in these ways.

HOBBIES: Reading, cooking, cleaning. He’s starting to get back into actual hobbies like reading with Rex around. He used to just not have them.

TROPES:  He is about the best supporting ally and mom friend one can be. His best quality is being able to lift people up high. He however, cannot do this to himself.

AESTHETIC TAGS:  #space , #baking

GPOY  QUOTES: ((I don’t know what this is--))

FC INFO.

MAIN  FC(S): No

ALT FC(S): Nope

OLDER FC(S): Nuh-uh

YOUNGER  FC(S): Nadda

VOICE CLAIM(S): ((I have no idea?? The closest would be Cryaotic but I honestly have no idea the specifics))

GENDERBENT FC(S): Nah

MUN QUESTIONS.

Q1: if you could write your character your way in their own movie, what would it be called, what style would it be filmed in, and what would it be about?:  If I were to write it??? It would turn into something psychological or horror related. Blue would fit wonderfully in a deconstruction of the human(or i guess skeleton??) mind. Hopefully it’d be about him seeming alright but being an absolute mess and managing to realize there is indeed a problem and work through his issues with friends, family and some professional help. That’d be lovely.

Q2: what would their soundtrack / score sound like?:  He listens to anything catchy, though likes chiptune and electronica. He’d probably make his own soundtrack out of other video game soundtracks though, he’s a doofus.

Q3: why did you start writing this character?: I... Don’t know?? Huh. Guess I did a little bit about... Three years back? I didn’t do a whole lot with him, but that’s around when he met his niece and nephew. Hm.

Q4: what first attracted you to this character?:  Papyrus is my favourite undertale character. Sans is my second favourite. Mash them together and what do you get? A cool science boy! A sad cool science boy that covers his pain with laughter and smiles. Someone help him.

Q5: describe the biggest thing you dislike about your muse: He won’t let anyone in, in any way that matters. He’s affectionate to everyone and it would be so easy to use and abuse him. He so strong in some areas and so weak in others. His whole life is his brothers and I’m often lost as to what I should make him do as he doesn’t keep hobbies really due to being busy. He never sleeps, works himself to exhaustion and picks everyone up despite being hurt himself. He thinks he knows what he is but he’s wrong. He thinks he’s fine but he’s not. He denies these problems in himself so hard that even he’s deceived by his act. It’s frustrating in a way even if it is interesting? As a writer I want to break him apart and crush him but as a person I want someone, anyone to finally see through this and HELP him. But no matter the hints I give or things I mention, no one has tried. I suppose he just hides it too well. Ahh...

Q6: what do you have in common with your muse?: Super depressed! Uh-- Ha, put up a mask. Hide pain with jokes. Try to see the silver lining in situations. Loooove space. And science. Psychology’s a huge yes.

Q8: what characters does your muse have interesting interactions with?: Citrus is always neat. Rex and him also have an extremely interesting dynamic. Fluff and him are adorable and fun, and I want so much more of them. Sakura’s is hilarious because she’s literally a god in her multiverse and she’s just accepted him as being able to break all laws of space and time

Q9: what gives you inspiration to write your muse?:  The interactions and dynamics he creates with other characters as well as the unique story and plot aspects that can be created!

Q10: how long did this take you to complete?:  At least two hours. Maybe longer. Oh jeez--

[thezodiaczone]

July Forecast for Sagittarius

Feel it to heal it? The first three weeks of July rank high on the emo-meter as major cosmic action heats up in the most intimate and poignant parts of your chart. There’s some deep stuff coming up, and while most Sagittarians prefer to keep things moving along, staying in these palpable moments can be rich and meaningful. Rip that “do not disturb” sign off your heart chakra, Archer, and let your sensitive side sprawl. Processing feelings does not mean you have to dwell on them or drop into a bottomless chasm of grief. There’s a healthy way to do it—and no shame in getting some guidance from a therapist or an energy healer if things get heavy.

The silver lining? July is ripe for creative breakthroughs and spiritual epiphanies. Your intuition is off the charts, and you could be a wellspring of artistry and inspiration. If you open the channels, you could receive incredible guidance through signs, serendipities and people who act as unwitting guardian angels. It’s a worthwhile reward for letting your guard down!

So what’s stirring all this up? For starters, the Sun is making its annual trek through Cancer and your internal eighth house—the realm that rules bonding, shared finances and property, sex and the many ways we merge with others. As an independent Sag, this isn’t your natural habitat by a long shot. Every year around this time, you crave more privacy, but your bonds can deepen, and your imagination is off the charts!

A powerful partnership could ignite on July 12, when the first of summer’s three scene-changing eclipses lands in Cancer and brings irresistible dynamic-duo energy into your world. Rather than cleave to your fierce autonomy, you could recognize how much better, stronger and faster you can be when you merge your superpowers with an awe-inspiring sidekick.

This one is the inaugural eclipse in a series that will fall in Cancer and Capricorn—your money and power axis—between now and July 2020. These eclipses will spark a wave of changes around your confidence, wealth and emotional resilience. The eighth house also rules sex, so there could be some sizzling summer developments or a reignited mojo to look forward to.

This is the only eclipse from this group in 2018; the majority will fall in 2019. But it’s an intense start! On the same day, the Sun will make its annual opposition to power-tripping Pluto in Capricorn and your second house of money, daily routines and self-worth. You could catch a startling glimpse of how YOU push away prosperity because of some deeply rooted insecurities and fears. As the eclipse showers you with a windfall of support, YOU may need to energetically adjust your field in order to receive the love, financial bounty or newfound power. If you don’t have the capacity to hold all that the universe wants to give you, it will be like pouring liquid into an already-full cup: All the extra will just spill out and go to waste!

That’s your inner work to start on this month, Sagittarius: clearing away what Gay Hendricks’ book The Big Leap calls an “upper limit problem” and opening up the channels to receive more than you think you can handle. With provocateur Pluto pushing your buttons, you could get triggered emotionally at the eclipse and be tempted to lash out at a loved one or colleague. Instead of exploding, look at this person as a messenger or a mirror, reflecting something you need to shift within.

This could actually be familiar territory by now because your ruling planet, expansive Jupiter, is in the midst of a 13-month visit to Scorpio and your twelfth house of closure, healing and deep creativity from October 10, 2017, to November 8, 2018. This cycle only occurs once every 12 years, a time when you can release what no longer serves you and make room for the new. You’re learning to receive instead of controlling or micromanaging—to stop swimming upstream and just float with the currents.

Since March 8, Jupiter’s been in low-power retrograde motion, which could have dredged up old memories or grief. You may have dealt with a health issue or just felt more tired and run-down if you pushed yourself too hard. There may have been a farewell of some kind. For us as Sagittarians, we had to say goodbye to Tali’s 17-year-old dachshund Wendell on April 15. But we were also offered a beautiful healing opportunity when fellow Sagittarius, Big Bang Theory’s Mayim Bialik, invited Tali to write a heartfelt essay about it on her wonderful website Grok Nation. The bittersweet lessons of Jupiter here could involve going through a difficult time that you CAN’T handle alone—only to realize how much unconditional love and support have been around you the whole time.

Your reward? On November 8, lucky Jupiter will enter YOUR sign for a year, kicking off a fresh decade-plus cycle, which is all the more reason to allow life to flow as it’s meant to rather than bottlenecking the process or trying to force an outcome. For the next four months, go full-on Marie Kondo on your life. Declutter. Forgive. Mourn. Surrender. Say “I don’t know” and see what or who shows up instead of trying to come up with all the answers. This is the space where magic arises!

With five planets retrograde at any moment in July, the stars are poised to help you handle all that unfinished business. Energetic Mars is reversing through Aquarius and your communication house all month, which could make you a bit argumentative or find you juggling a lot of different projects. Structured Saturn and transformational Pluto are retrograde in Capricorn and your money sector, a good time to get finances in order and trim your budget. Hazy Neptune’s gone rogue in Pisces and your family sector, insisting on better boundaries with your clan or putting you in deep nesting and redecorating mode (guilty as charged). And on July 26, interactive Mercury will join the retrograde brigade. All signals point to finishing what you’ve started or tweaking before any grand debuts later this year.

Adventure calls starting July 22, when the Sun soars into Leo and your optimistic, worldly ninth house—the zodiac zone that’s ruled by Sagittarius. You’re truly in your element for the next four weeks, pulling out of any emotional tunnels to reconnect with the wider world. Blue-sky visioning, travel and big ideas are your wheelhouse, and el Sol heats up the action. Your mind is hungry for new knowledge and experiences, so stock up your Kindle reader and hit the road for a spontaneous journey or two.

Just don’t rush into implementing anything major yet. Mercury, the planet of technology, transportation and communication, will turn retrograde in Leo from July 26 to August 19. Going big and bold could hit the wrong note during this signal-scrambling time. One of your outspoken remarks could be taken the wrong way, leaving you with a mess to mop up. Be careful with those group texts and emails—this is the kind of retrograde when you accidentally send a #burn to everyone, including the person you’re throwing shade at!

That’s only further exacerbated by hot-headed Mars being retrograde in your social third house, which could ramp up tension in your circle. A partnership or project that seemed promising could hit a speed bump. View any slowdowns or snags as a hidden blessing and perform some additional due diligence. Make sure people can back up their talk with action. And watch what YOU promise: Don’t overestimate what you can deliver.

One exception to your galactic gag order arrives on July 27, when a total lunar (full moon) eclipse blazes into Aquarius and your expressive third house. Exciting news, plans and conversations that have been percolating since the February 15 Aquarius solar eclipse could reach a boiling point. Ready to throw your hat in the ring for a cutting-edge project or to make a bold debut? This eclipse could bring major buzz around one of your ideas or turn you into a viral sensation. Writing, teaching and media projects get a special boost from this communicative full moon.

This is the final Aquarius eclipse in a series that’s been touching down on the Leo/Aquarius axis since February 2017, transforming your approach to communication, friendships, travel and interpersonal dynamics. Look back to the prior two Aquarius eclipses on August 7, 2017, and February 15, 2018, for clues of what might fully come together now.

Need to clear the air? The lunar eclipse will conjunct fiery Mars, making a stressful confrontation unavoidable. Tension may mount, especially with a sibling, coworker or neighbor. If you have buried resentments or frustrations, they could come pouring out. In our opinion, lunar eclipses feel more radical than solar ones because full moons bring endings, transitions and full-circle events. Ready or not, you could be putting your message out in a no-holds-barred way.

Love & Romance

Curb your enthusiasm—at least a little. All month, passionate Mars will be retrograde in Aquarius and your communication center, mixing messages and signals like a perverse DJ. You could feel sure you’re expressing yourself effectively only for the object of your affection to totally misinterpret you and come away with the exact opposite meaning! Grrr! Or you might waltz into a sizzle-then-fizzle online match. Tread lightly if you’re considering “going there” with a friend or colleague—a steamy hookup could lead to some resentment, anger or office awkwardness that you don’t need.

In all your interactions, watch for an argumentative streak and dial down the know-it-all tendencies. Be extra careful about whose opinions you solicit regarding your romantic choices. Even if people have your best interests at heart, they’ll probably project some of their own issues onto your situation—not helpful!

On the other side of your chart, Venus will be in Leo and your adventurous ninth house until July 9. This gives you tons of resilience, and you’ll bounce back from any setback feeling confident and romantically frisky. If anything, this contrasting combo with Mars could make you a touch indecisive or give you a case of grass-is-greener syndrome. Being grateful for what you have is the antidote to that!

On July 9, Venus bolts into Virgo and your tenth house of long-range goals. You might suddenly want to get serious or lock in plans for the long haul. When you’re having “the talk” with a partner or a would-be prospect about the future, look way past the present moment and get a sense of whether your objectives for say, five or ten years from now, are aligned.

Throughout the month, Venus will form flowing trines to innovative Uranus (July 11), structured Saturn (July 14) and transformational Pluto (July 27), all in the most stabilizing houses of your chart. Some couples might decide to work together, or you could strengthen your bond by handling the practical details of your life together. Either way, a perfect “cherry on top” is to dress up and go out on some upscale and luxurious dates—and when you’re in, to pamper yourselves with good food, a nice bottle of wine and plenty of affection.

Key Dates

July 11: Venus-Uranus Trine You’re inspired to craft a future while also supporting each other as individuals. Maybe you’ll start a business together or do volunteer work as a duo. A socially conscious suitor may steal your heart today, or you might meet someone unexpectedly through a work-related function.

Money & Career

Think long-term when it comes to your finances this month. The Sun is in Cancer and your eighth house of wealth, joint ventures and property until July 22, amplified by a page-turning Cancer solar eclipse on July 12. This potent energy may propel you to make a move around real estate or investing—possibly an unexpected one—since eclipses can bring surprising events. The burst of motivation could also push you to work with a financial adviser.

But don’t rush into anything official this month. Ambitious Mars is retrograde until August 27, backing through Aquarius and your intellectual, expressive third house. Avoid multitasking now, as you could make a careless error or just burn yourself out from all the juggling. Normally you can handle a lot of irons in the fire, but with the energy planet in low-power mode, you won’t do your best work if you bite off more than you can humanly chew. With structured Saturn also retrograde until early September in your work and money house, less is more in every way.

Mercury, the planet of communication and technology, will turn retrograde in Leo and your big-picture ninth house from July 26 to August 19, another reason to scale down or rethink any projects that are ballooning out of control. While it’s awesome to “go big,” doing so now could leave you scrambling to fix sloppy mistakes later. But you do get one no-limits moment on July 27, when an Aquarius total lunar (full moon) eclipse blasts into your communication center, sending an idea or message viral. You could have a groundbreaking conversation or get the green light on a project you’ve been developing over the past couple years. Ventures that involve writing, teaching or sharing a powerful message could pick up steam. You might make things official—or part ways—with a key collaborator at the end of the month.

Key Dates

July 12: Sun-Pluto Opposition Watch for a clash of the titanic egos today. A would-be big shot may try to throw their weight around in an attempt to strong-arm or intimidate you. You know your worth, Sag, so stand up and defend it!

Love Days: 6, 10 Money Days: 16, 25 Luck Days: 14, 23 Off Days: 8, 12, 19

[giasonesdream]

I Was Diagnosed with Cabin Fever (The Transcript)

So, I had a doctor’s appointment on Monday. Tuesday, I was with my grandmother as her caregiver. For four hours I...gave her...care...as the position title implies. And today, I was volunteering at my alderman’s office (”alderman” for those of you who don’t use that term, is a city councilman whose job is to help out his community/ward, whatever). So...all that being said, I’m going through a very common yet dangerous illness at the moment. It’s today’s topic, actually:

Cabin Fever

For those of you who have never been through that or don’t know what that is (both very odd situations but, again, whatever) it’s this feeling you get from being in one place for too long. The textbook definition says that it’s during the winter months, which is quite convenient, because here are the symptoms:

itchiness, like a desire to scratch at the walls, feeling trapped

isolation that, ultimately, leads to my favourite symptom-

depression

And for me, Cabin Fever is seasonal...just like my depression. But it’s also like PTSD because I grew up with this feeling, which makes me more susceptible to it and more wary of not having to go through it.

My parents had me at an older age, and they raised me like an only child. So I spent a lot of my childhood cooped up in my house. The times when most people were out and about, I was at home. Being an adult and going through that is so much worst because the reason why you’re at home is different.

Being unemployed and an online student sounds like a good mix if the reason you’re not working is solely your choice. If you aren’t getting accepted...well, that seasonal depression is really thick this time, ain’t it?

But, from someone who has maybe 15 years of experience going through this emotionally painful cycle, here are two ways I have grown to try and combat my terminal illness.

Rituals

When I wake up (no matter what time of day it is), I get up, go downstairs to brush my teeth because my toothbrush is in the downstairs bathroom? I...it just sorta stayed there? But it’s perfect, because the next thing I do, after taking care of my dental hygiene, is grab a bottle of water and take my probiotic. Next I make coffee and sometimes breakfast. I don’t always eat breakfast, but I always make coffee. Don’t forget to join me next week, when I talk about “Addiction” (jk lol).

There are some rituals that I need to implement in my life, like exercise and...well mainly exercise. Need to get those endorphins running, y’know?

I also wash dishes daily at some point during the day. My mom is usually the one that cooks dinner, and she needs clean dishes in order to do that...and what the hell I’m at home all day so why not, eh?

Heh.

But in a state like this, rituals are important. I remember when I would be at my lowest, getting the simple advice that -even though it’s small- keeping yourself active is important. Cleaning can help with clearing the mind, if not just to make sure your space doesn’t become so bad that it only makes you feel worse. And since the stress and anxiety I currently have during this feverish state stems from the fact that I feel worthless, having things to do everyday makes me feel like I’m actually giving my day a purpose. Despite what any of us sick people think, we have a purpose...sometimes you have to make one for yourself; that’s all.

Optimism

When seasonal depression sinks in, I understand why it’s hard to look for the silver lining in the dark clouds, why it hurts to try and see the bright side. It’s a lot easier to look into darkness because light is blinding and our eyes are sensitive...that was a joke and it wasn’t very good (keepin’ it in, anyways). 

This is probably the easiest solution said, but the hardest to actually do. Like, trying to stop thinking about a song that’s been stuck your head all day, kind of hard. And this may seem silly, like something ridiculous and naive out of a children’s reading book, but that silver lining is beautiful. 

Having those rituals in place are sort of there to help “keep hope alive” as Jesse Jackson and The Crystal Method said in points of time. But there’s a reality to all this:

Just like Cabin Fever or Seasonal Depression or Stress and Anxiety...Hope comes in waves. Sometimes you miss it, sometimes you get on at the last minute, sometimes you’re able to ride it out for as long as possible. All of this...hell, Seasonal Depression is in the name- it’s not forever. Sometimes the best you can do is just keep floating until the next opportunity comes for you to fight.

So, you may be wondering how I’m doing with my fever. Are these weapons that I have provided, are they being used to the best of their ability?

In line of keeping up with this optimistic theme you may have gathered from this...I have hope that one day...I will have hope.

[boston-slayer]

Every night she asked herself if she'd returned. Standing on the cliff-face of Mt. Perdition looking out at the coast of the Silver Devastation, Faith gazed as the black waves tore away large chunk of firestone from the nearby cliffs. The smell of ash and sulfur choked her, reminding her she once called this hell, home.

A single snap by a mad Titan brought her and several billion people to a place both beautiful and dreadful. For 20 years, she and the few refugees survived the beasts created by the Sovereign.

If she jumped, there was a chance she could escape the Dead Lands and return to Earth. A slim shot that turned many who took the plunge into Wraiths. Faith watched hypnotically at the raging sea hundreds of feet down. Her brown eyes watched enchanted by the sway and thrash of the black waters. The roar of the ocean lulled herself into a state of serenity.

"Mon Cher," Remy's voice cut through the ocean's hymn.

Faith turned to see Remy walking up the steep rock. "Well?"

"The others think they can reason with the Sovereign." He kept a few paces from her, watching the tree line around them.

"He'll kill them before they make it to the Skar." She rolled her eyes. Damn optimistic fools. There was no reasoning with this mad entity. "I think the Origin Point is our only chance." She looked back out at the sea below them. Remy's hand on her shoulder gave her a moment of comfort. His tightening grip sent a jolt of doubt, maybe jumping was suicide, but maybe it was there chance.

"Remy?" She jolted awake. Hearing Remy behind her groan as he awoke. Same damn time every night.

Getting up, she grabbed her clothes for that morning-- middle of the night rather. "You want an omlette? I think there's some of that bacon left from yesterday."

His hum of approval was mostly an answer. Already on his phone, Faith ignored him and wandered out to start breakfast.

Any hope of a relaxing morning was shot before her bare feet touched the kitchen. Remy's concern sent a mixed surge of jealousy and concern. She cared for Anne-- considering her a close friend-- but Remy's affection for her caused doubt to stir in her. Worry he'd ultimately return to the volatile relationship he worked hard to leave.

"I'm sure she's fine." Faith called from the kitchen as she opened the fridge and bent to reach for the carton of eggs. Opening the container, huffed at the lone egg sitting there. So much for having eggs.

"Rem, did you get eggs?" She called, pushing jars and Tupperware out of the way, futily looking for some magic egg carton, she knew Remy forgot to bring.

He circled into the kitchen and grabbed the keys off the hook. "I'll get 'em on my way back." He announced and leaned over to kiss her cheek.

"Back? Where ya going?" She didn't need an answer, once again Remy was running back to Anne at her call. Her sleepless expression hardened in frustration.

"I just wanna make sure she's all right." Remy couldn't shake the knot in his stomach. Seeing her scowl sparked irritation from there ongoing debate. "'Ey 'Ey, Cher, don't."

"I'm not." Faith dismissed as she tossed leftover chicken into the microwave. She turned from him to wipe up the counter. "I just think-" Remy's eyeroll caused Faith's tone to harden. "I think you're over reacting. She's in the clinic and has said several times, she's fine and wants space. Why can't you give her that?"

"What about what Jack said about the missing mutants?" Remy tossed his keys in his hand, fidgeting at Faith's retort.

Faith faced him, holding her plastic dish with fried chicken. "Right, we're taking the word of an ex-British intelligence operative, who couldn't keep his own agency secret."

She shood him and walked out of the kitchen. "Do what you want." She was tired of fighting about this. Frankly, Remy would do what he wanted, so would she. There was no sense in arguing for the fifth time that week.

Insomnia

Remy's bright red eyes snap open. Like clockwork 1:45a.m. He and Faith awoke in a cold sweat. With dreamless nights and waking nightmares, the side effects of the Dead Lands still plagued him.

Hearing Faith stir next to him, Remy rolled over and gazed at her sleepy face. "D' pills ain't working, Chéri?" He brushed some dark hair from her face. Nothing seemed to get them back on a normal sleep cycle.

Remy sat up and reached over to the nightstand to grab his pack of cigarettes and zippo lighter. His crimson eyes traced her figure as she dressed. Reaching for his phone, he set up to take a picture of her only to see 7 texts from his ex-wife.

Dammit, now what'd Anne want? Scrolling through the messages,

One in particular caught his eyes, "Love, they did the impossible! We might be able to make this work, call me."

The scar on his forehead where their bedroom lamp struck him and the fact that they were paying out the ass for divorce attorneys, stated otherwise.

Remy scrolled through the other messages, they were just as vaguely optimistic. The fuck was going on? Remy sat up and dug through his discarded clothes for his boxers. "Mon Cher, did ya talk t' Anne lately?" He finished dressing called her.

Faith shook her head and leaned against the doorframe. "Last I heard the medical trials were going well. Why?"

Voicemail, Remy gave up calling Anne after the second try. Looking at the time on his phone he reasoned it was 7 a.m. where she was. Surely she was up. "I never know what's goin' on in 'er head." Pocketing his phone, he brushed past Faith. He halted as she pulled him into a kiss.

"I think she's in trouble." It wasn't her, nothing in those messages held her mannerisms. She liked to use emoticons and talked in broken texts. Not the polished sentences he was getting-- certainly not positive about them working out.

[samsylviasmoustache]

Happily Ever Afters

Gun smoke drifts across the sand, cordite smell in the air. The horse snorts and stamps, metal clinking as the gunslinger dismounts. Spurs twinkle in the dust as they stalk towards the fallen body. Hat pulled low, face masked. Silver pistol cocked, in hand—

“And cut!” calls Justine, looking up from her camera eyepiece. A bell rings, and the bustle of the set between takes returns. The body of the dead bandit sits up and wipes his sweating face.

The gunslinger pulls down her mask to reveal the toothpaste-advert grin of Debbie Eagan. “Hey,” she says, heading over to the bank of screens and cameras that demarcates the line between Western fantasy and film-set reality. “So, what do you think?”

Ruth is wide-eyed. “Honestly?” she says, blinking in awe. “It’s perfect.”

The house on the hill looks almost exactly as she remembers it.

She shuts the car door quietly, following Justine and Debbie towards the porch. The grass on the front lawn is more manicured than her first visit and someone has hung hummingbird feeders from the window. The front door opens and her stomach clenches, not unpleasantly, nostalgia carried on the sweet smell of floor polish.

“Sam?” calls Justine.

He’s in the kitchen, attending to an enormous paella. There’s something strange about seeing him in such a domestic role, prodding at rice with a spatula. The same scowling intensity he used to bring to choreographing a fight. “Hey kids,” he says, turning to welcome them.

Brown eyes find blue. Her mouth twitches at the corners, eternally optimistic she can crack his frown. “Hey, Sam,” she says. It comes out squeakier than she intends.

“Hello, Judas,” he replies, folding his arms. “How’s New York?”

She smiles, letting out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. He’s still an open book, thank God. “Fine, thanks.”

“Mmm. So, what brings you back out West?”

She knows he knows; Justine has told him. “An audition.”

“Oh, I see. Real drama didn’t work out the way you thought, huh—?”

“Jesus Christ, Sam,” cuts in Debbie, somewhere between amused and exasperated. “Can you just… not? Honestly, you’re more actress-y than the actresses.” She moves to take a plate full of paella and a seat at the table.

“Help yourself,” he huffs, shaking his head.

The others follow suite and there is near silence for some minutes as they dig in, starving after a day on set. “This is really good,” says Justine thickly.

“Yeah, I know.” He is the only one picking at his rice, resisting the urge to pick a fight instead. “So, what’s the audition for, anyway?”

“A TV show,” Ruth replies, smiling at Debbie’s rolled-eye exasperation with his thinly veiled curiosity. “Science fiction. Set on a space station in the far future…”

“Sounds terrible.”

“Anyway,” Justine tries, “how was the distributor meeting?”

“Also terrible.” He stabs a prawn with his fork. “Tell me it was better on set today.”

“It was better on set today,” they chorus in unison.

Her watch beeps midnight. She really should be trying to sleep. Instead, she’s watching the glow of the city in the sky and panicking. A flicker of light down in the garden catches her eye. Sam, lighting a cigarette. Unthinking she slips on her shoes and out to join him.

“Hey,” she says softly.

“Hey,” he replies, calmer now after an evening of editing in his office. “Not sleepy?”

“Kinda nervous.”

“Don’t be.” He takes a drag. “You’ll kill it.”

“Ah, not sure about that.” She casts about for a change of subject. “It’s nice that you do this. Have dinner.”

“Well, normally there’s a few more of us, but Cherry’s filming in Toronto, Tamée’s out of town…”

“I picked a busy week.”

“Mmm.” He blows smoke skyward. “I think Justine does it to prove a point. I told her once that all jobs are a crap shoot. Losing touch is inevitable. The world just… moves on.”

Ruth smiles to herself. “It’s good for you, her living here.”

“Yeah, I know.” His moustache twitches. “Thanks for helping me pick it.”

“That was a weird day, right?”

“Weren’t they all?” He stubs out the cigarette. “Do you miss it?”

“What, GLOW? Yeah, of course. Every day.”

And if there is anything else loaded into that exchange, anything more personal, they ignore it in the silence.

“I thought you’d stay with Debbie,” he says, as they wander back towards the house. “You guys seem on pretty good terms these days.”

“Um, yeah.” She can’t quite find the words to articulate why she can’t accept the offers of a place to stay when they come. She wrecked Debbie’s home once; it feels somehow crass to come under the new roof she has made for her family. Like it will rake over the destruction of the old one, undo the years of bridgebuilding they have worked so hard on.

He puts on a pot of coffee in the kitchen. “Let’s see them then.”

“What?”

“The sides.”

“Ah, you don’t have to…” She stops. “Okay.”

She ghosts about the room while he reads, cataloguing the changes to the space from when they first arrived. Sam was tweaking, she remembers, strung out on coffee and cocaine. Self-medicating the stress of something going right in his life for once, and about to drop money barely earned from their successful first season on some ridiculous neo-Gothic confection. She still isn’t quite sure how she managed to talk him into this sensible three-bedroom home instead.

“Which one are you reading for?” he says, bringing her back into the present.

“Uh, uh, my agent thinks the science officer.”

“Intelligent as she is beautiful,” he reads, “Killian is fresh from the academy and unprepared for the everyday reality of life on the edge of the human frontier. Huh.”

“What?”

“No, I guess I can see it.”

She puts her hands on her hips, frowning at him. “Which part doesn’t fit, huh?”

“No, it’s not that— Look, we know you can play a giant nerd with a hard-on for the rulebook convincingly. It’s not a stretch.”

“But…?”

He shrugs. “But so can a lot of people. What about the first officer role?”

“Terra?”

“Yeah – a former commander of the Novak Resistance, damaged by years of bitter conflict. Terra struggles to find her place amongst the bright and hopeful Alliance citizens.”

She blinks. “You think I should play the haunted ex-terrorist role?”

“Yeah,” he says, “I mean, she’s a fish out of water; she doesn’t fit in. She’s brittle with loneliness, hiding it under her pride. Plus, they’re looking for an actress with fighting skills who wouldn’t mind wearing alien prosthetics.”

“They mean like, kung-fu or something. Not wrestling skills.”

“So, prove them wrong! You sold stuff in the ring no one would believe just looking at you.”  

“You’re serious, aren’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“Fuck.” She rubs her forehead. “I haven’t— I don’t even know the lines. I have to do this in like, eight hours from now. It’d be crazy to change my audition at this point. Wouldn’t it?” She takes in his face and swears again. “Give me some of that coffee.”

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

A long silence on the crackling line across the continent. She can practically hear him rolling his eyes. “Are you really going to make me ask?” he grouses.

“You were right.”

“Yeah, I know that. About what?”

“Terra was the better part for me.”

“So, it went well?”

“Yeah. It um… it looks like I might need a place to stay again in a few weeks. Screen tests. I mean, if-if that’s okay—”  

He laughs, a genuine chuckle of mirth and mingled affection. “Sure Ruth. That’ll be fine.” 

[gdmli]

Social Capital: When a Diversity & Inclusion Lesson Turns into a Painful Gut-Check

By Laura Miller, CLP Class of 2020

It took me a week to sit down and write this blog.

I thought about writing it every day, usually multiple times. Even sat down a handful of times to do it, too. Pulled up my OneNote, opened a page, typed a title…and then? Nothing. Too many words in my head and nothing I could make sense of to put on paper.

And there are a lot of good reasons I was able to use as excuses for my hesitation. Our Social Capital class last Thursday was rich with new information and tools and stories and challenges. Somehow, it managed to be simultaneously energizing and completely draining, and through my conversations with our classmates I know I wasn't alone in that feeling. I got home and I was shattered. Absolutely, without a doubt, in pieces. And the thing is…as I walked into our classroom at Principal last Thursday morning, I knew it was going to be a difficult day. I was ready for it! Diversity and Inclusion in our communities and organizations is always a source of difficult discussion if you give it the weight and consideration it deserves. I thought I knew what to expect, I just didn't expect to walk away as deeply and profoundly moved as I was.

But the real, true, radically honest reason why I couldn't make sense of my reaction? Why I couldn't just sit down, type, and post? I just didn't want to confront the shift this class was already forcing me to make mentally and emotionally when it came to an issue I've always been passionate about. I didn’t want to admit that I’ve known for awhile that I wasn’t doing enough.

"I'm an ally!" I screamed in my mind. "I've always pushed for inclusion! I've always been an advocate! I've pushed back and spoken up when I've encountered sexism/racism/classism/homophobia! Whether it was directed at me or at others! Even when it was hard! Even when it hurt my career!" And the deal is - all of that is true. But you know what? It's just not enough for us to be reactive. Reaction is part of the game, unfortunately. Speaking up for yourself, speaking out with others…all of that is an important part of creating a more diverse, inclusive, and cohesive community, if even it has to be reactionary. But as I walked to my car on Thursday night, I was already starting to acknowledge that by focusing only on being reactive, I was part of the problem…and I didn't like that. And I didn't want to hear it from myself. And honestly? That kicked off some serious soul-searching  that I know I'll be doing for the long-term.

Diversity is often treated like a buzzword in the exact spaces where it needs to be given the largest platforms. Inclusion? That's a concept that many don't even think they need to lend time to. And those of us who are more sensitive to the need for that dialogue, and the positive change that can follow, often get tired. And frustrated. Or we worry about "rocking the boat" just a little too much. We'll speak up when we hear or see something we know to be wrong, but I think many of us stop there. We pat ourselves on the back, and say "I did something good today. And now I'm tired. There are better, smarter people that me to solve the problem…and when they do, I'll support them."

Maybe this doesn't ring true with you. Maybe you're a Diversity and Inclusion rockstar. Maybe you've started a diversity initiative at your company, maybe you've proposed a practice of blind hiring…maybe you've even built a career around starting the tough conversations and doing the right thing. If that's the case? I admire you. Please, PLEASE teach me your ways. And tell me how you keep fighting the good fight and pushing those around you to fight at your side, all without becoming exhausted and frustrated and emotionally depleted as a result. I want all of your secrets.

But I know there's no secret. No silver bullet here. I'm sure the people who fight the good fight have hundreds of days in their history where they've felt like they've given too much of themselves, even as they ring out a few more drops of progress. I heard many of those stories in class last week. I could hear the frustration in our voices, and the confusion, too. I heard so many confused voices from people like me, who were realizing that there was so much more we could have been doing all this time.

My ah-ha moments started early on the day of our Social Capital Class. Miriam Lewis, Principal's Chief Diversity & Inclusion Officer kicked things off, welcoming us to Principal, who generously donated our space for the day, as well as much of their employees' time. I was already floored. Principal has a Chief Diversity & Inclusion Officer? They have a C-Suite role…for Diversity? They have a whole team for it? Honestly, that was such awe-inspiring information to me that it took a few moments to process and recover. (I've since done a bit of research…about 20% of Fortune 500 companies employ Chief Diversity Officers. That's a great number. Amazing, really. But hey, let's try to make it 100%). 

When I was done being impressed by Principal having that degree of dedication to their Diversity & Inclusion program, I immediately transitioned to being impressed by Miriam Lewis as both a person and a professional. She's forged her career around creating opportunities to have open, honest conversations about tough subjects…and then pushing for and encouraging positive change. I want to be her when I grow up. And as she introduced her team and the work they do, she said something very simple that has been bouncing around in my head for days… 

"Most companies start with diversity and believe inclusion will follow, but that's not the case. If you start with inclusion, focusing on creating an inclusive environment, diversity will always follow" - Miriam Lewis 

I think I've paraphrased that idea a dozen times to coworkers and friends since I heard it. It takes something that many organizations seem confused or overwhelmed by, and makes it seem simple.

Miriam also validated something I've said for a long time (and don't we all love validation?) - by creating more diverse and inclusive organizations, we create more opportunities for organizational growth. Want to grow your customer base? Want to create a more diverse book of business? Start at home. If your organization isn't diverse and inclusive, how can you expect to attract more diverse clientele? If the conversation about doing the right thing isn't enough for a business to make a change, the bottom line will always do the talking for you.

I was inspired! I was going to effect positive change! I was going to take her approach and turn it into something that could inspire the world around me to move in the right direction! And that optimistic, simple inspiration kept ringing in my mind as we worked through our Design Thinking lesson (which my classmate Deidra will discuss with you in another post). I kept relating that content back to creating more inclusive ideas and projects in my daily life. Design Thinking is all about starting with the person, not the idea - and so is inclusivity. My big misstep? I was still technically thinking about the idea of inclusivity, not the actual people. I wasn't even thinking about myself, and what I needed to be included in the design, let alone others.

Ohhhh but don't you worry. That changed quickly. You knew I had to get to the source of my mental and emotional turmoil at some point, right?

Our afternoon was spent challenging our perceptions of diversity and inclusion in the Des Moines community - at work and at play. I was immediately captivated by our first afternoon presenter, Izaah JB Knox, the Executive Director of Urban Dreams. Urban Dreams is a long-time fixture in Des Moines, and is an important program that helps to break down barriers for underserved and underrepresented populations. And wow…did Izaah hit me hard, right off the bat, with some data about those populations. 

As a vocal cheerleader for the awesome things I see in Des Moines, I'm often the first to spout off about of the "Best Of" lists we fall on. Those lists are even a huge part of why I eventually boomeranged back to the Des Moines area after several years away! But I had no idea about the lists that we're at the bottom of: lists that relate to how safe minorities are in our communities, how much opportunity underserved populations feel, access to affordable housing, and more. It was all eye-opening for me, and deeply upsetting. This, I would find, was going to be a theme for me for the next few hours.

We then moved into our final activities and sessions: The American Dream Game, Discovering Your Unconscious Bias with Claudia Schabel, and a Social Awareness & Intersectionality discussion with Daniel Hoffman-Zinnel. The American Dream Game is something I truly believe that every group working towards progress and equality should participate in. It's hard to think of it as a "game", since the subject matter is heavy, and the conversation it inspires is even heavier. The activity "focuses on empathy for others and the potential challenges others may face each day", and forces participants to have an honest dialogue about the challenge you face as an individual, while confronting the things you don't know about the challenges faced by others in the room. I cried when I heard someone's story about their challenges, I cried when I had to be honest about challenges I myself had faced. I don't know when I suddenly became a person who cries easily, but the honestly and bravery that came out of my class during this activity was worth my being branded as A Crier (really, I need to emphasize this…the capitalization is necessary based on how much I cried. It was…not pretty).

I won't share the stories that changed my heart in the American Dream game. And I won't share the stories that did the same during our Unconscious Bias and Social Awareness & Intersectionality discussions. Those conversations were difficult, and honest, and private…just for us, as we all grow and change and open our eyes just a bit wider each day with each other's support. I will share that I saw a shift in our class. It was visible; we should have taken a picture of everyone's posture before, during, and after the class. But mostly, you could hear it; our voices changed. The way we spoke to one another changed. The way we spoke about one another changed. It was tangible how much our ways of thinking were changed.

I walked away hoping that it all stuck, not just for me but for everyone in that room. I wasn't sure that it would. Sometimes it's easier to push the tough conversations to the back of our minds. To pat ourselves on the back for just opening up. To tell ourselves "I'm an ally! I speak up for what's right! Even when it's hard! I do good things!". But today, a week after I was worried that the lessons we learned in that room may not stick…I'm not worried anymore. There's no way that I'm the only person that walked out of that room feeling that way. There's no way I'm the only person from our class who hasn't been able to stop thinking about the lessons we all learned. Most importantly, there's no way that I'm the only person who has not just been inspired to act, but truly feels called to do it.

Like I said earlier: reacting is great. But acting is better. Having a plan of action? That’s best.

So my challenge to all of you is this: be radically honest, be realistic, be hopeful, and above all else…be someone who acts. Be someone who has an action plan. I do! We can all listen to each other a little bit more, push through our frustration, and work together to make Des Moines the most Diverse & Inclusive place it can be. We can take the lessons we learned today back to our offices, our families, our friends. We have infinite ways that we can effect positive change.

We 

Just. 

Have.

To.

Act.

[kidsviral-blog]

27 Life-Changing Habits All Twentysomethings Should Adopt

New Post has been published on https://kidsviral.info/27-life-changing-habits-all-twentysomethings-should-adopt/

27 Life-Changing Habits All Twentysomethings Should Adopt

Baby steps, people. Inspired by this Quora thread.

1. Give at least one genuine compliment every day.

View this image ›

Etsy / Via etsy.com

Making other people happy will make you happy. Try it! Emergency Compliment can give you some ~creative~ ideas.

Valentine via ChoBeArtandDesign on Etsy, $3.75.

2. Thank your partner for the small, expected things.

instagram.com

Research has shown that gratitude is maybe the most important factor in predicting happy and successful relationships (more on that in “17 Small Things You Can Do To Have a Stronger Relationship Today”). Expressing that you’re grateful even for the small stuff will really make your partner feel special — and it’ll also make you realize how lucky you are. Everyone wins.

3. Focus on adding more healthy foods to your diet, rather than eliminating the “bad.”

instagram.com

Download the app Wholesome, which can help you track your vitamin and nutrient intake each day, and can give you recommendations of foods to eat that will help you reach your daily goal of all the good stuff you need.

Diets often fail in the long-term, and in the short-term they can make you feel miserable and cranky and deprived. Instead of focusing on all the foods you can’t or shouldn’t eat, try to think of food as a way to nourish and sustain and fuel you (assuming you don’t have a health condition, like diabetes or high blood pressure, that requires you to limit certain food types). It’s a happier way to live.

4. Learn to say “sorry” to loved ones and friends in a meaningful way.

instagram.com

Take responsibility for what you did (none of this “I’m sorry you feel that way” passive garbage). Show remorse. Promise to do better next time. And actually mean it!

5. Stop looking at any electronic screens within an hour of bedtime, if you can.

instagram.com

All kinds of light can mess with your circadian rhythm. But light from glowing electronic screens is especially bad for your sleep. Switch to regular books or magazines an hour before bedtime. And dim the lights. This’ll help you pass out faster and have an easier time getting up the next morning.

6. Walk outside, even for a short while, every day.

instagram.com

Nature is good for your health. Walking is also good for your health. What’s not to love?

7. Set an alarm on your phone for 45 minutes before you want to be in bed. This way you can force yourself to start getting ready and actually get to sleep on time.

View this image ›

BuzzFeed

Getting enough sleep is so, so critical for your health and happiness, but so many people have trouble with it. One way to get better sleep is to force yourself to follow a routine every night and every morning.

8. Set your morning alarm to play your favorite song.

View this image ›

vevo.tumblr.com

Alarm clocks are the worst. Wake up happier, start the day happier.

9. Try to read one book a week, if you can.

View this image ›

Jarry Lee / BuzzFeed

If you’re too busy, start slow with this one by trying to read a little bit of a book every day. This can help you learn, help you unplug, and help you detach from the go-go-go always-changing-always-updating nature of the internet.

Need a recommendation? Try the BuzzFeed Books newsletter for some great ideas. Or you can try any of these 24 books you should read based on your favorite TV shows.

10. Keep a to-do list, and get it all set up for the next day as the last thing you do before you leave work for the night.

instagram.com

Life can get complicated, and it helps to have an organized list of priorities so you know for sure what you need to be focusing on. Preparing for tomorrow helps you hit the ground running when you get to work. Doing it at work (at the end of the day) also means you won’t be stressing over your to-do list at home before bed.

Download Clear to your phone ASAP. It’s the easiest to-do list app out there, and swiping right or left to complete a task (or delete it entirely) is sooooo satisfying. And if you’re looking for an app that’s a bit more robust (think daily reminders, color-coded lists, and so on), check out One List.

11. When you lend money, lend with the secret assumption that you’ll never see that money again.

View this image ›

Paramount Pictures / Via sunshine-summer-trip.tumblr.com

And if you feel like you can’t survive without getting the money back, think about how you might be able to help in another way.

This small change in mind-set can solve (or help you avoid) a huge number of problems born out of generosity.

12. Go to bed angry.

View this image ›

CherryCute / Via etsy.com

No fights are ever truly resolved at 2 a.m. anyway. And this allows you to take a break from the argument and come back with a clearer head. More on this here.

Bite Me cupcake necklace via CherryCute on Etsy, $7.50+.

13. Use a financial tracking tool to help you stay on top of your spending habits.

View this image ›

BuzzFeed

Mint.com is a great one — it can help you categorize all your purchases, so you see exactly what you’re spending your money on and how you might be able to save. Along those lines:

14. AUTOMATIC DEDUCTIONS. Use them!

View this image ›

televandalist.com

If you can afford it, configure your bank account to automatically move a certain amount of money from each paycheck into a savings account. It’s much easier to dip into savings when you need to than to keep yourself from spending what’s right at your fingertips.

15. Help people without expecting things in return.

View this image ›

Getty Images / iStockphoto / sldesign78 / Via buzzfeed.com

Especially if those things you can do don’t cost you anything. Make an introduction that might help a friend out, forward along applications to jobs when you know the hiring manager. Things like that. Read “16 Random Acts Of Kindness That Will Restore Your Faith In Humanity” for some more ideas.

16. Fill half your plate with veggies as often as you can.

View this image ›

wishfulchef.com

People who eat more vegetables live longer and live healthier. Here are “27 Of The Most Delicious Things You Can Do To Vegetables,” for some ideas! And recipe for those sesame garlic green beans pictured above here, via Wishful Chef.

17. Get a reusable water bottle, and bring it with you everywhere.

View this image ›

amazon.com

So many benefits: You’ll drink more water. You’ll drink less coffee/soda/other stuff. And it’s good for the environment! The Klean Kanteen water bottle pictured above gets top marks from the Wirecutter. Get it here.

18. Master the art of the power pose.

View this image ›

ted.com

Watch this awesome TED talk by Amy Cuddy, a social psychologist at Harvard Business School. More and more research is emerging that says that how we hold ourselves can have a big difference in how other people perceive us, and also in how confident we are. Get that raise!

19. Try to see the good in people.

instagram.com

Sometimes it’s hard. But it’s almost always a good idea. For their benefit, and for your own outlook.

20. Think of your worst flaw. Now think of how that flaw might come with a silver lining.

View this image ›

The Weinstein Company

Like, say you’re too damn impulsive for your own good. But that impulsivity definitely means you’re more creative.

New research shows that when you believe in the silver lining of your flaws, you’ll work harder at being great at whatever that silver lining is. Pretty neat.

21. Do 10 push-ups when you get out of bed (or as many pushups as you can do).

View this image ›

Photos by Lauren Zaser for BuzzFeed / Via Design by Chris Ritter for BuzzFeed

If you start today and do it every day, within a year you will be shocked at how many push-ups you can do. Get instructions for good form here.

22. Keep a phone charger at work and one at home.

instagram.com

Just in case!

23. Make your bed as soon as you get up. Fold your clothes and put them away right when the laundry’s done. And do the dishes right after you eat.

View this image ›

italiandipity.tumblr.com / Via buzzfeed.com

These small tasks take no longer than five to ten minutes, and will make a huge difference in how you view your living space. Also, learning this kind of discipline can have an impact on other areas of your life as well.

24. Make sure there’s protein and fiber in your breakfast.

instagram.com

A carbohydrate-based breakfast will leave you famished again well before lunch. But a protein- and fiber-rich breakfast takes longer to digest, keeps your blood sugar levels more steady, and will make you feel energized throughout the morning.

Some good options: eggs and fruit. Greek yogurt and granola. Avocado toast. An egg and spinach omelete. Hearty oatmeal with nuts. Nom nom nom.

25. Exercise a little every day.

View this image ›

Photos by Lauren Zaser for BuzzFeed / Design by Chris Ritter for BuzzFeed / Via buzzfeed.com

I know, I know, I knowwwww. But seriously, exercise is pretty much the biggest and best thing you can do for yourself. It helps you sleep better. It helps you eat better. It makes you feel better. It helps you think better. It is so tremendously good in so many ways. Just… Just try it. See how you feel.

If you don’t know where to start, check out these nine quick total-body workouts you can do anywhere.

26. Every week, write down five things you are grateful for.

instagram.com

People who write down five simple things they’re grateful for once a week feel better about their lives, have more optimistic expectations about the future, report feeling fewer aches and pains, and even spend more time exercising than other people, according to a gratitude study from 2003.

27. Remember that most people you meet are probably just as uncomfortable as you are.

View this image ›

vevo.tumblr.com

Most people are shy. Most people feel awkward at some point. Everyone is stressed. When you reframe your outlook to think about other people’s comfort, rather than your own you suddenly feel less anxious and awkward, and more empathetic. Try it!

Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/carolynkylstra/easy-peasy

[cic-a-trize]

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been described as relentlessly optimistic. I was sunshine and puppies and rainbows and unicorns and confetti. I could find the silver lining in any situation. I was the person who never let herself lose sight of how good things were even when they were awful.

And that’s all fine, I guess. It wasn’t a fake effort that I put forth, or a façade. It was just…me. Even when I was misdiagnosed with fatal brain cancer. Even when I was poked and needled and tested almost every day for three months as they slowly figured out it wasn’t cancer. Even as I lost more of my ability to walk and my vision permanently blurred, and everything start to ache. Even when I was finally diagnosed with neurosarcoidosis, an incurable auto-immune disease that formed granulomas (tumors) on my nervous system and started shutting down parts of my body. Even as I lost my ability to walk and had to get a wheelchair.

I was still optimistic. Every day of my life was one step forward, two steps backwards, and I was ordering the sparkling pink wheelchair and cracking jokes to make everyone else feel better. I wouldn’t allow myself to be angry or bitter; I wouldn’t allow myself to grieve for all of the things I had lost: my independence; my freedom to come and go as I pleased; my ability to reach things in the upper cabinets of my house where the good snacks are.

And then March 1, 2017, my dad died and my heart was shattered. Not broken—it was filled with so much indescribable pain that it exploded, leaving little piece of shrapnel in every part of my body. Some of the pieces were just dust that could never be replaced. He had been fighting ALS for five years and then it was time for him to go home, no matter what I wanted.

And then—then I was forced to grieve because it was the only thing I could feel. I was angry and devastated; everything hurt. Nothing could have prepared me for that kind of pain. It was all-encompassing.

Outwardly, I was a daughter grieving the loss of her father; a girl grieving one of her best friends. But inside, I noticed that I was slowly getting darker.

That November I found out that the treatment I had been on for a year had made no difference in my tumors. (Although it was helping with my symptoms. Silver lining.) We were going to try a new treatment, but it would take months to get it started and until then there was just waiting. One forward, two back. Outwardly I was still shining, but inside the light dimmed a little bit more.

And then a new year, and with it the news that I was approved for a free drug trial. Hope. Brighter light. Sunshine inside and out.

Then a five-day hospitalization for a six-inch blood clot in my arm. Two steps back. I had to delay the start of my infusions because of the antibiotics from the hospital. Okay. No problem. Still going to happen, just have to wait a bit more. This was February.

Through March and most of April, there was so much trying. Second attempt, blew a vein and couldn’t get a good stick. We’ll try again next time.

Next time. Blew a vein and infiltrated another one. My veins aren’t going to work; I need a port.

I get a port.

Next time. In addition to the incision where my port was placed, they made a very small second incision in my jugular and no one knows why, but it seems slight infected. One week of antibiotics and two weeks more and we’ll try again.

Trying again! Still looks suspicious. More antibiotics, more waiting. Forever waiting. It’s getting noticeably darker inside.

Fourth try? Fifth? I’ve lost count. But everything is healed and healthy and after six months of waiting, there is a needle in my port pumping a drug into me and it will work and it will shrink the tumors and that pesky active one on my optic nerve will shrink and I will see clearly. I will walk and dance and drive and get my smile back. My real smile, the one where my eyes disappear because of my chubby cheeks and I glow.

One hour and nineteen minutes later and it’s hard to breathe. My throat feels like knives and my entire upper body is turning bright red and I’m having an allergic reaction to the drug. We stop the infusion immediately and start to flush out my system and I get more steroids and allergy meds and after what seems like forever I can breathe again.

But I can’t take the drug. Six months of waiting and hoping and praying and I’m betrayed by my body once again. There is no plan B. Doctors will discuss what, if anything, we do next, but for now I go home, weak and broken and hopeless.

And I thought and processed and searched but there was no sun. Night had fallen and things were dark, inside and out. There was no sunshine, no unicorns or confetti or puppies, and for the first time I realized that they’d been gone for a while. I’d been showing everyone stock photos, but inside it was darkness and that sunshine wasn’t coming back.

And then I found a quote about how stars are born and I thought, Well. Maybe that’s it. Maybe that’s been it for a while. Maybe I’m not sunshine and puppies and unicorns; I’m a starry sky. A light in the darkness. That’s why The Starry Sky has always been my favorite painting and I’ve been so drawn to it for as long as I can remember. The beautifully swirling night sky as seen by a brilliant madman.

I shared this new theory of self with my amazing sister-in-law, and as usual she shared more insight.

“Stars dim and glow and explode and start over,” she said.  “Unicorns are relentlessly optimistic and honestly who is? Stars explode out in the universe a gazillion times larger than my brain can comprehend for no reason.”

Who is relentlessly optimistic? I thought. What an impossible quality to maintain. Why was I forcing myself to ignore how deeply disappointed I was? Why couldn’t I be sad and disappointed and heartbroken and still believe that things were still good overall? Even dying and dead stars give off light, I said.

“Right. But there are also plenty of others around to shine too,” she replied.  “It’s optimistic but a lot more honest. And stars are real. We can see them even if we don’t know exactly what’s going on. So you just need to let yourself and your honesty be seen. Be hopeful, but be honest, especially with yourself.

Be dim. Be bright. Explode. Start over. Just feel where you are and others will fill in the light when you don’t have as much, just like you do on the flip side.“

 And here we are. No more sunshine. No unicorns, no pretending, no fantasy of being able to maintain never-faltering optimism. I’m allowing myself to collapse. I’m allowing myself to be dim when I need to be, because the truth is that right now, I’m a dimmer light than usual because I’m hurting. But I’m also being reborn, and the light will return, and my little corner of space will be brighter again.

I still want to be a light in the world; I want to leave things better than I found them. I want to be a light for other people to look at and say, “there are times when she fades but she always shines again.” The sun is alone in the sky—I want to be part of something bigger. Something more. I want to be surrounded by those just like me, as we shine and dim and twinkle together. I want to join the others in the beautiful swirling sky and inspire something brilliant and evocative.

I’m done with sunshine and puppies and unicorns and trying so desperately to be a never-ending perfect day.  It’s time to be honest. It’s time to give myself permission to collapse, knowing I’ll be reborn over and over.

[topsolarpanels]

Silver linings: the climate scientist who records cloud behaviour

Clouds cool the planet by reflecting solar energy back to space and also trap heat and radiate it back to Earth. In a Yale Environment 360 interview, physicist Kate Marvel discuss the double-edged impact clouds have on rising temperatures

Clouds perform an important function in cooling the planet as they reflect solar energy back into space. Yet clouds also intensify warming by trapping countries around the world hot and radiating it back to Earth. As fossil fuel emissions continue to warm the planet, how will this dual role played by clouds change, and will clouds ultimately exacerbate or moderate global warming?

Kate Marvel, a physicist at Columbia University and a researcher at Nasas Goddard Institute for Space Studies, is investigating the mysteries of clouds and climate change. And while she and her colleagues would like to offer definitive answers on this subject, the fact is that few now exist. In an interview with Yale Environment 360, she discusses what is known about the behaviour of clouds in a warming world( they are migrating more toward the poles ), why strict controls need to be imposed on geoengineering experiments with clouds, and why she is confident that science and human ingenuity will ultimately overcome current challenges of climate change.

Kate Marvel: With a lot of geoengineering experiments, I worry about how permission is going to be obtained. Photo: Courtesy of Yale E360

Yale Environment 360 : Why are clouds such a challenge when it comes to accounting for them in climate change models?

Kate Marvel : Clouds are really important to the climate. They explain why different climate models predict different possible futures. Some climate models are saying its going to get really hot, and some climate models are saying its going to get hot, but not as hot. And it turns out that differences in cloud changes, predicted by the models, are kind of the main reason for that.

And clouds are hard to model because they are simultaneously large and small. When you think about how clouds sort, they are the result of microscopic water droplets, or ice crystals, coalescing like grains of sand. But at the same time, they cover 75% of the Earths surface. So its really hard for a climate model, which is fundamentally large scale, to get those really small-scale process right. So we know that climate models dont handle cloud very well. Weve known that for a while. But clouds are also very important in regulating the climate. They block a lot of sunlight, but they also trap a lot of heat coming up from the Earths surface.

e360: So its fight impacts. What dictates which impact a cloud will have?

Marvel : It depends on several aspects; what the cloud is made of is very important. Clouds that are made of ice particles are less reflective, they reflect less sunlight than juicier clouds made of liquid water droplets.

Cloud height is also really important. If you look up on a clear, summer day, and you see wispy, cirrus clouds, those patently are not very good at blocking sunlight; they let sunlight creek through. But they are very good at trapping the hot from countries around the world surface. So, high clouds in general have a warming effect, but, low, thick clouds the kind you insure on a cloudy, gloomy day are really good at blocking sunlight, so those have a cooling effect.

e360: Researchers have gained a deeper understanding of cloud behaviour in a warming world. Talk a little bit about what weve learned.

Marvel : We had a paper in the Journal of Climate that presented clouds are moving in the way that we would expect them to. So if you think about those low clouds that block sunlight, they are going to be much more effective in the tropics, where there is more sunlight, than there is further toward the poles, where the sunlight is less intense. And climate change is predicted to alter atmospheric circulation patterns. It is predicted to push everything poleward. We have find clouds following that particular trajectory. If you look at the large-scale patterns of clouds, they are moving toward the poles.

e360: A Nature paper published after yours saw an upward motion to clouds. Did you also find that?

Marvel : We saw hints of it; in the Naturepaper it is much clearer because they stimulated corrections that accounted for the fact that the spacecraft records are really patchy and they were able to really find clearly that high cloud shifting. And there have been other studies that have observed that when its warmer, high clouds switching upwards. That is an effect that we think we understand fairly well.

e360: What are the consequences of this poleward and upward motion of clouds?

Marvel : Both of them give rise to what I think is the most confounding part of climate lingo. We call it a positive feedback, and you think that sounds great. I like getting positive feedback. But when climate scientists talking here a positive feedback, we mean some process that changes in response to warming, that accelerates that warming.

e360: And is this trend, poleward and upward, something that the models tell will continue under a business-as-usual scenario?

Marvel : Yes, we think so.

e360: There was some deliberation when these studies came out regarding whether this was a consequence of global warming or that these motions were a consequence of recovery from major volcanic activity. Where do things stand with that at this phase?

Marvel : Thats a really good point. You have to be careful about attributing things to natural external forces-out versus human-caused external influences. We are currently working on research projects that is trying to tease out those influences. But I dont think theres been a study published that definitively attributes the observed a modification to one particular external sourcing.

e360: Of course, climate deniers can grab hold of something like that and say, See, they dont actually know.

Marvel : Thats one of the greatest things about science … we can say we dont know, or we dont know yet. Im suspicious of people who say, I have all the answers. I think theres this real tendency to say that, Oh, well if you dont know everything, you dont know anything. And I think thats totally wrong. The very existence of science does not invalidate science. The fact that were still asking questions doesnt mean that the method were using to answer those questions is wrong.

e360: Most of our cloud observations come from weather spacecrafts. However, there was a Nasa satellite in the planning stage that was designed to look at cloud behaviour. President Trumps proposed budget zeroes out that mission. Should Nasa projects that deal with climate change be a priority in the upcoming budget?

Marvel : I certainly think so. We have this amazing satellite technology. We can find all of us from space. We can measure things that we never dreamed we could measure and thats a miracle. I also think its highly cost-effective. Why would we not want to do it? I started my career as an astrophysicist, and then I realised that nowhere else in the universe is as good as here, right? This is the best planet. And its part of Nasas mission to look at other worlds, but we also want to look down at our world as well.

Low, thick clouds are really good at blocking sunlight, so they have a cooling consequence. Photograph: Owen Humphreys/ PA

e360 : In a recent commentary, a group of researchers, including two from the University of Washington, made the suit for conducting small-scale experimentations utilizing a geoengineering technique known as cloud brightening. They want to spray brine into marine clouds making them more reflective of sunlight as a possible way of reducing global warming. Whats your take on such experiments? Marvel : With geoengineering, Im always very concerned because if I want to do an experiment on human subjects, as colleges and universities researcher, I have to go in front of a review board and convince them that all of my human subjects have given informed consent to participate in this experiment. And with a lot of geoengineering experimentations, I worry about how that consent is going to be obtained. The Climate Geoengineering Governance Project is starting to think about how we would design an international law regime to actually govern this.

e360: Youve written that when it is necessary to climate change, I refuse to give in to hopelessnes. I only dont have period for that. Im too busy doing science. Tell me more about the roll-up-your-sleeves attitude youve got.

Marvel : People ask me, Arent you simply depressed all the time? How do you keep going in the face of this? Were all going to die. You know, theres not a lot of good news there. But we all manage to find happiness and fun in our lives anyway. And I do have hope, I do think that we are an amazing species; and we do a lot of terrible things, but we also do a lot of very good things. I do have hope in human ingenuity. I dont think we peaked with the internal combustion engine. So that gives me hope.

Going back to your question about Nasa satellites, the fact that we as a species can look at our planet from above, thats amazing. The fact that we understand how the planet actually runs, and we keep continuing to ask these questions that gives me hope. That stimulates me optimistic about the future of our species.

Diane Toomey is an award-winning public radio journalist who has worked at Marketplace, the World Vision Report, and Living on Earth, where she was the science editor. Her reporting has won numerous awardings, including the American Institute of Biological Science Media Award. She is a regular contributor to Yale e3 60 and currently is an associate researcher at the PBS science prove NOVA .

Read more: www.theguardian.com

The post Silver linings: the climate scientist who records cloud behaviour appeared first on Top Rated Solar Panels.

from Top Rated Solar Panels http://ift.tt/2wxWYuk via IFTTT