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#i have work tmw and a long ass day
neurodiversebones · 1 year
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6k words into a fic i'm so proud of and it's 12:30 am and i can barely keep my eyes open but FUCK i wanna write more
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simp4wom3n · 2 years
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Hello! How are you today? - N
Hi N!!
Sorry for my radio silence! I just got home from my long ass trip yesterday morning and completely crashed after a long and shitty flight.
I'm doing good tho thx for asking :) It's wild that Christmas is in a few days like wtaf
I will be working on a few requests tmw because I have a 10 hour drive to visit my cousins so there should hopefully be a few coming out within the next few days.
Also my requests r currently CLOSED so for those who are still submitting them I will revisit them when they are back open :)
Anyways I hope everyone is having an amazing holidays and a fkn fantastic Christmas (or other if you don't celebrate it) <3
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Limerence [M] ︳34
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Pairing: Zuko x Fem. OC (Ying Yue Jiang)
Genre: Romance, mainly fluff with future smut, and if you squint hard enough - you’ll find some angst.
Rating: SFW
Words: 16100+
Notes: It’s finally up! Sorry it took me so long to edit, I don’t know why, but it kept lagging. I’m probably gonna log on tmw and re-edit because things just kept freezing on here. But take care everyone, and I hope you like it~!
Masterlist ︳33 ︳ 35 [M]
❤ Buy me a coffee? ❤
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Limerence: (English/n.) the state of being infatuated with another person.
The moment their eyes locked they knew - the flames within him twisted while the water within her turned. It was a connection, a connection that would lead to love, adventure, and drama.
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“Lacuna”
(Latin/n.) A blank space, a missing part.
~ Countess Mai ~
           Fucking Ying Yue, that dumb bitc-
           Kissing my teeth disagreeably loud, I could feel the jagged rocks under the thin sole of my shoes, the ground stupidly uneven and uncharted. My breathing came in quick pants, bruises lingering on my arms, thighs burning as we marched up the cliff at a steady pace. The looming trees above provided ample shade and cover, kicking up dust as Azula trailed in front.
           My lips parted, another exhausted breath escaping me as I narrowed my eyes – Azula.
           Her long ponytail swayed side to side like a whip, face void of any expressive emotion, trekking forward with purpose. Her shoulders were squared, not breaking a sweat from the steepness of the hill or the humid air. If I didn’t know better, I would’ve said she was completely fine – but I knew better.
           “Azula,”  I muttered, voice monotoned, barely audible. But the speed at which Azula’s posture tensed proved as evidence that she heard me loud and clear. Still sharp as ever.
           Effortlessly, she looked over her shoulder, raising a perfectly groomed brow at me. “What?” Azula clipped, jaw clenched as she bore over me impatiently. I ignored the sharpness in her tone, a gentle breeze causing the bangs that framed her face to twirl—the way she held her head high, nose in the air.
           Her pace didn’t flatter once, high-tailing at an alarmingly hasty pace. Don’t blame her, the faster we get away from the Kingdom, the better. The scenery around us was different from the last hide-out she brought me to. The landscape seemed thicker, so dense that one could easily scream for help, and not a single soul would hear—a perfect hide-out.
           “Are we close?” I bore, rolling my eyes as my foot nudged a rock. “If I wanted to go on a nature walk, I would’ve gone to work with my sister.”
           The stone tumbled, skipping by Azula’s feet.
           She scoffed under her breath, eyes judging as she twisted her body forward, continuing on her march. “Why, tired? Try not to get your ass kicked by a peasant next time.” Azula expired, and I could hear the way her lips curved upwards at the insult.
           My eyes glowered once more, “Nice scar you have on your hand.”
           Azula stopped.
           The way her hands quaked, balling into fists before letting go-
           My pace eased, cautiously treading behind her before coming to a complete stop, surveying the way she towered above. Despite her back facing me, I could feel it. An aura of malice – down to the twitch in her fingertips.
           I swallowed, seeing the bright pink scar that ran across Azula’s palm. The way the dipping sun managed to seep through the thick bush, seemingly emphasizing how deep the cut ran. It wasn’t a wound for the weak, the skin roughly patched together by her flames. Gross.
           Azula abruptly shook her hand, balling it into a fist as if she could feel my lingering eyes studying the cut in detail.
           “Up ahead,” She spoke, catching my attention, “The cave.”
           I looked beyond Azula, realizing the way the ground evened for a moment, moss-covered rocks looming ahead. The entrance was almost entirely out of sight, only noticeable now that she pointed out the obvious. Trees grew on top of the structure, the dark abyss begging us to enter—the perfect image of a secreted lair.
           My feet itched to move, but I stopped myself, noting that Azula didn’t move a muscle despite us being a few steps away. Fucking- I swore under my breath, flicking my fingers in annoyance.
           “What’s the holdup?” I grumbled, trying my hardest not to roll my eyes once again, but it was her voice. The deadly drop in pitch, the way she hissed.
           “I’ll kill her,” Azula whispered, and I could feel my skin begin to heat up.
           Every word Azula spat was laced with venom, filled with a deep-rooted hatred, a passion and emotion-evoking tone that was all too unfamiliar. Azula, the most put-together being, the only one to keep her composure together, even in the heat of battle. But now-
           The way Azula’s fists trembled, letting her emotions rise to the surface.
           She’s not the same.
           “I’ll make her regret thinking that I’m anything less than perfect.” Azula hissed under her breath, and I grimaced. She didn’t need to say her name for me to know who she was talking about. Her nails dug into the skin of her palm, a bead of scarlet running down her porcelain skin, her wound reopening.
           Soundlessly I watched as the lone droplet of blood dripped onto the dirt below, and just like that – with a quick shake of her hand, Azula walked forward. Her shoulders were relaxed, flicking a strand of hair behind her ears as she casually strolled.
           As if nothing had happened.
           Not a single sound could be heard besides the rustling of the tree branches, Azula’s feet kicking up a trail of dust as she stomped over loose rocks. The only real thing of interest in this forsaken forest was her retreating figure.
           The mouth of the cave eagerly welcomed Azula, the shadows beginning to swallow her body. Just as she was about to take another step, she halted, head tilting as if trying to hear something. She looked over her shoulder, an exhausted look on her face.
            “Stop gawking like a fool, Mai, or else I’ll leave you with the Avatar and his annoying friends.” Azula pestered, her tone oddly tranquil, different from the act moments ago.
           I glared, kissing my teeth as I commanded my feet to move.
           “Whatever,” I muttered petulantly, begrudgingly going as I stripped my gaze away. I could hear Azula snort, rustling onward as I swiftly caught up. The burn in my legs seemed to grow tenfold, the slight pause in our march giving time for my body to take in the damage Ying Yue unleashed earlier. What a nuisance.
           I crossed my arms, eyes looking straight ahead as the space around us darkened the further we descended into the mouth of the cave.
           The air felt abnormally dewy, but it was the uncanny silence as we entered that had my guard rising. The sound of Azula’s and I breathing seemed to have intensified, every sniffle or breaking of a twig ricocheting off the walls at an alarming volume. Watchfully my eyes scanned our surroundings, piles of rubbish sprinkled.
           Food, water canisters-
           “Where the fuck is she?” A man’s voice resonated in the ample space, and my pace flattered. My eyes tapered, taking note of the glowing specs of light up ahead. People, but that voice-
           I knew that voice, and I could feel my gut drop.        
           Memories of Kayto swamped my mind, remembering the final moments of that faithful day. The sound of his body slain from the inside, his last breath, how lifeless his eyes looked-
           “Looking for me, Yakone?” Azula purred devilishly, as she strolled frontward. The illuminations were now in full view, torches laid along with the outermost corners, lighting the space. But that wasn’t what caught my attention.
           It was the tall foreboding man at the center, whose chest was rising and falling, eyes glowing. His fists balled up, nostrils flared the moment he caught sight of Azula, before briefly shifting his gaze on me. His lips pressed tight; jaw clenched as he took a sharp inhale.
           “Where the fuck were you, and why is your fucking finger-puppet here?” Yakone spat, stepping forward, dangerous slow.
           Azula’s body stiffened slightly, but the way she brushed back her long bangs behind her ear, letting a hand rest on her hip as if she was completely unbothered by the beast in front of her. Yakone’s eyes were stone cold, a blue that easily reminded one of the dark depths of the sea, the unknown – danger.
           “Mai is staying with us now.”
           “Isn’t that a fucking treat.” Yakone sarcastically replied, running a hand through his hair.
           Azula’s eyes narrowed, Yakone licking his lips impatiently. “You know what else is a fucking treat, the fact that I just got word that someone tried to kill not only your dumbass brother but Ying Yue.” He bellowed. The veins in his neck bulged as he spoke, and as he took a step headfirst, Azula took a step back.
           Why would Yakone be upset that Azula wanted to kill Ying Yue? Isn’t that plan?
           Carefully I followed her lead, letting my body ease its way to the other side of the stony encasement, and as I shifted, I could see the look on Azula’s face. Her lips pressed, eyes conspicuous as Yakone inched his way closer and closer to her figure. Azula, she’s cowering away-
           “What are you trying to suggest, Yakone,” Azula warned, and he merely hooted, losing his patience by the second. “It was you and your lil’ friend over there, wasn’t it? You tried to kill Ying Yue.” Yakone interrogated, his hands twitching, cracking his fingers.
           She rolled her eyes, “What makes you think I have anything to do with this?”
           My eyes widen, hearing those words leave her lips - Azula’s lying.
           The way Azula effortlessly tried to bypass Yakone’s questioning, acting aloof and unbothered. But I saw the way Yakone rolled his shoulders back, chest buffing. My arms reached into my sleeves, fingers grazing the knives that laid hidden-
           And just like that, Yakone lunged.
           His hand reached forward with speed, grabbing Azula’s by her neck, shoving her against the rocks behind. His fingers spread across her windpipe, nails digging into her skin.
           Azula looked like a hurt puppy.
           The way Yakone effortlessly overpowered her, the grip on his hand tightening, purple and blue bruises rising to the surface of her skin quickly. The sound of my feet shifting over the dirt that decorated the floor caught Yakone’s attention, as he raised his free hand, wiggling his fingers towards me.
           “Fucking try, and I swear I’ll make your death more painful than Kayto’s.”
           I stilled, holding my breath as I watched as Azula’s hands fell over his.
           “What are you doing-” she hissed, eyes crazed as he practically lifted her body off the ground with no struggle. Her feet barely touched the ground, Yakone putting a warning-amount of pressure on her neck, her face turning a light shade of pink.
           “Don’t you ever fucking forget, Azula, who needs who here.” Yakone snarled.
           He leaned closer to her face; their foreheads pressed together as he tousled above. “I agreed to your plan because of two things. No United Nations, and your brother’s demise. One of those things failed, meaning Zuko’s death is the one reason why I’m even here.”
           Azula growled, “I told you I wanted to ruin him, damage him, not kill.”
           “Oh, now we’re getting into technicalities here, and I’m not one for word games. I want Zuko dead, Ying Yue was not apart of this discussion.”
           “What do you expect, Yakone? That she’s going to run and give hugs and kisses to her long-lost Uncle? You’re a criminal.”
           “And what about you, smart-ass?” Yakone shouted, shoving her body further against the rocks. She winced as the sharp edges dug into her back, “You think you’re just going to hurt Zuko and take the throne? You were nothing more but a tool for your father’s failed plan, even your mother, tossed you aside. You’re disposable.”
           The looks on both of their faces, insults and slurs tossed, each one of them raising their voices to beat each other—a shouting match, whose lungs were loudest, who could hurt the other more. I swallowed hard, taking a step back as my arms limply fell to my side.
           The whole time I thought Azula and Yakone shared the same goals, a singular plan in mind. But the way Azula shrieked and Yakone roared had my body feeling numb, their fighting fading to background noise.
           I thought the real threat was Azula and Yakone working together, but I was wrong.
           This was far worse.
           There’s no longer a game plan, a goal, or a motive.
           One wants blood, and the other wants power – both willing to cross each other and lie to get what they want.
 ~ Ying Yue Jiang ~
           “She’s pregnant!”
           “What a blessing, will this be her third child?”
           “Fourth, her eldest is serving in the navy.”
           “Ahh, yes-yes, slipped from my mind. How beautiful, if only I could convince my husband…”
           “Makes two of us. How about you, Imperial Consort Ying Yue? Have you thought about having children of your own?” The ladies giggled, sipping away on their sweet teas in the garden.  
           The cherry blossom branches swayed under the gentle breeze, the pink flowers cascading with the current, fluttering like butterflies. The cool shade painted our skin, providing as an escape from the blaring sun, although the kids didn’t seem to mind the heat in the slightest. Quite the contrary – they were thriving.
           Their laughter was clear as day, ringing throughout the palace gardens, but I couldn’t help but tune in with Kiyi’s the most. The ladies’ banter lost to the birds humming and moving water – absorbed in the beautiful smile on Kiyi’s face as she chatted away with her friends.
           A red and golden embroidered picnic blanket laid over the grass, Kiyi was passing along the turtle duck food for her friends to feed. Her cheeks were dusted in pink, telling them fascinating facts about the creatures from the Southern Water Tribe.
           “After school tomorrow, I’ll read the book to you. They have this animal called a ‘Polar Bear Dog’ – and it’s so cute and fluffy!” Kiyi gushed, and I would be lying if I said I didn’t snort hearing her excitement. The way her eyes twinkled with passion, a small part of my heart hurt – because the look reminded me so much of Zuko’s whenever he got excited.
           Zuko…I miss you-
           “Imperial Consort?” A voice droned; the sound close to my being, I found myself jumping. My head snapped to the women beside me, them staring at me with looks of concern. Shit – what were we talking about again?
           “My apologies, I was watching the children-” I started, and the lady to my side started to snicker. She rose a napkin to her face, delicately tapping the tissue to rid herself of any crumbs that littered her appearance. All the women looked put-together, their hair and makeup done to impress, their clothes extravagant, meant to display their status.
           “I guess that answers our question.”
           “What question?” I inquired, and the ladies began to laugh once again.
           “Whether or not Fire Lord Zuko and you are planning on having children anytime soon.” She replied, shooting me a sheepish smile. My mouth dropped, a shy blush coating my cheeks as a meek oh escaped me. Of course, they were talking about children and family. Almost all the high-ranking nobles were married, most with kids – or pregnant.
           I stuck out like a sore thumb in these ‘royal tea parties,’ unable to relate to the women or men due to my lack of domestic life. I’m a mere child dressed in adult clothes – playing dress-up. My hands fell over my lap after combing my hair behind my ear, carelessly pressing thumbs as a means to keep my composure. I could feel my skin starting to heat up once again.
           Another fever- Katara is going to kill me.
           “Well, if it is not out of line to ask – when do you and Fire Lord Zuko plan on officially tying the knot?” A curious voice peeked, and at the question alone, I found myself reaching for my teacup, stealing a sip of the much-needed chamomile tea.
           Marriage – with Zuko? I fought back the petty laugh. Marriage with Zuko seems more like a distant dream than a reality.
           “Hopefully, once Fire Lord Zuko completes a few of his personal projects. Love is patient after all, and I’ll wait an eternity for him.” I spoke, forcing the words to leave my lips as I swallowed the lukewarm liquid.
           It was comical, how quick they were to eat up my words, gushing about how romantic I was, that I was willing to wait for Zuko – words straight out of a romance novel. If only they knew that that was only scratching the surface of what I would do for Zuko, the things I would sacrifice.
           I could feel my shoulders slump over in defeat, biting my lips anxiously.
           The women didn’t notice the waver in my voice, the blue smile on my face, or the tears that I desperately held back. They were more concerned about the newest designer, skincare product, and fragrance – topics I would’ve undoubtedly been interested in if I didn’t have a looming fog in my mind.
           Politics, it’s all politics.
           The kid’s squeals peeked in volume, catching my attention, the children throwing their napkins in the air, towards Kiyi. What in the world-
           “It’s okay! I’ll be right back!” Kiyi insisted before standing up.
           Her black hair bobbed side to side, skipping towards me at full speed. Droplets of something dripping after every bounce, tainting the green coloured grass under her steps, seeping into the soil.
           “Button-” I cooed, letting my tea rest on my plate before outstretching my arms. My hands caressed her face, and the happiness in her expression had me sporting a smile – a genuine smile. Kiyi was a breath of fresh air. Youthfulness and innocence, a heart of pure gold.
           “What happened, button? You’re a mess.” I snickered under my breath, watching the sticky liquid trickle from the hem of her dress, her lap completed covered. She scratched her head, shooting me a spirited grin. She looks just like Zuko when she smiles like that-
           “An accident, I didn’t see the jug of juice, and I kind of hit it.” Kiyi giggled, and I couldn’t help but snort, running my hand through her loose locks. “You’re so silly, button. Let’s get you cleaned up, okay?” I assured, light-heartedly tapping her nose.
           Kiyi nodded her head before shifting her gaze to the women I was seated with. My eyes followed hers, flustered at how the women looked over us with broad smiles – hearts for eyes.
           “I bet on two kids.”
           “Really? I think one.”
           “Wouldn’t be surprised if they already have a name picked out.” The ladies bantered between themselves as if I wasn’t currently sitting with them.
           I could feel a tiny finger poke my cheek, looking back at Kiyi, a teasing smile on her face. And seeing her sport that knowing look, a look that reminded me of a harmonious mixture of Zuko’s and Toph’s ‘I’m up to no good’ had me freezing.
           Oh no-
           “Izumi – Zuzu told me that that’s the name they want,” Kiyi spoke up, catching on to the topic at hand far too quickly for my liking. The women all leaned over in disbelief, jaws hitting the table, struggling to process the very thing Kiyi blurted.
           My eyes widen, the silly banter of family life between Zuko and I exposed. When and why did Zuko tell Kiyi this information-
           “Button-”
           “And Zuzu said they have a baby room set up in their vacation house! I can’t wait until I become an aunt. He said it’s a very serious job and-” My hand fell over Kiyi’s lips, cutting her off midsentence as I shot the women an embarrassed smile.
           The redness of my face was no longer due to my impending fever – but out of the utter realization that Zuko seemingly unleashes all his damn soft and fluffy feelings to her. Kiyi really is Zuko’s weakness, isn’t she?
           “Let’s get that dress cleaned button,” I said through awkward giggles, hand still firmly placed over her face, Kiyi letting out squeals of delight through my fingers.
           “Yue and Zuzu, sitting on a-”
           “Throne because he’s Fire Lord and I’m his-”
           “Wifey.” Kiyi managed to yelp.
           The speed at which my body moved, not bothering to say my goodbyes to these royals, as I nudged Kiyi’s body forward with my own. There was no way in the spirit world I was going to look behind me, already imaging the sunny looks on those women’s faces hearing the fuss coming from Kiyi’s lips.
           “I swear, button, I’m going to revoke cookie dates from you!” I mumbled under my breath, feeling the way Kiyi’s body shook from joy. My hand slipped from her mouth, her face pink as she held her stomach, her laughter loud and proud. And despite the embarrassment and exasperation, I found myself laughing along with her.
           There was something about hearing a child’s guiltless laugh that was contagious, especially coming from Kiyi. The smile on my face was enormous, reaching my eyes. When was the last time I smiled this much? The last time I laughed freely, enjoying my time?
           “You’re so much trouble, button~.” I blew, hands falling over her shoulders, embracing her. My fingers squeezed her chubby cheeks from behind basking in the sun’s heat before we walked up the palace steps. The guards before us opened the grand doors, observing the way I coddled Kiyi to my body. Like a momma bear.
           There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that they didn’t already know the trouble Kiyi could cause in less than a minute – the reason why they all sported small grins watching us enter.
           A handful, just like her brother.
           We stepped inside the Kingdom, walking side by side, glued to the hip, humming happily. Our footsteps pattered along the flooring, heading towards her room, but I saw the cheeky glances Kiyi tried to steal from the corner of her eyes, studying my figure. She thinks she’s so sly.
           I snickered at her childish behaviour, poking her cheek, “What are you staring at so much, button? Do I have some crumbs on my face?”
           “No~.” Kiyi giggled, tilting her head to the side.
           “Then tell me, button.” I pestered, enjoying her coyness. Her blush deepened, a flush I didn’t notice until now, before poking her one more time, “Tell me, what are you staring at so intently?”
           “You’re smiling again…you’re pretty when you smile.” Kiyi breathed.
           Our paces stilled; my breathing hitched as Kiyi wore the saddest smile on her face. An expression no child should ever have to wear. My shoulders dropped in surprise, not fully processing the words she spoke.
           “Ever since Zuzu got this cold, you’ve been really sad…you must miss him a lot, I can tell.” Kiyi uttered. Her tone dripped with distress, only then noticing where her golden eyes were settled over.
           Men and women dressed in red with badges strapped to their arms. The cross-shaped icon of their insignia standing out amongst their outfit. They were moving around us hastily, clipboards pressed against their chests, giving us quick bows before running through the large doors before us.
           The Infirmary.
           How did I not notice before?
           “I want to visit Zuzu, but Mom told me that I couldn’t. She said that he’s sleeping, but-but he’ll wake up soon…” Kiyi continued, although the more she spoke, the quiver in her voice grew. I breathed in deeply, hearing the pain in Kiyi’s words. Gosh, of course, she misses Zuko.
           They’re two peas in a pod – an inseparable duo. I watched as Kiyi sprung side to side, a whirlwind of emotions flying by. But what pained me the most about this was the fact that Kiyi didn’t know a single thing, the truth.
           A nasty cold – that’s all it was.
           “I’m going to pick some flowers for Zuzu for your bedroom! He loves it when I pick him flowers. Can I do that, Yue?” Kiyi questioned, and I smiled at the positive idea, the ache laced in her tone already lost, a chirpiness finding light. Seeing how quick she bounced back to her upbeat self, pushing past the sad thoughts, the spirit of a Firebender.
           My knees bent, going down to her height, our pupils leveled.
           “Zuko would love that, button.” I whispered docilely, brushing her black locks behind her ear, “Any gift from you would make him smile.”
           My smile grew, seeing how a faint pink painted her cheeks, like tiny pink stars that decorated the starry night. “Yue…can I-can I ask you for a favour?” Kiyi questioned shyly, looking down at her toes, her hands stuffed into her dress pockets. I let my finger dip underneath her chin, compelling her gaze to met mine.
           “Anything button.”
           “I-I made a get-better card for Zuzu in school today. Can you-can you give it to him?” Kiyi requested, pulling from her pocket. My eyes dipped, noticing the little red card appear from her dress, astonished it wasn’t ruined from the juice spilling over her lap. A large sun was painted in front with a smiley face, ‘Get better Zuzu!!!!’ scribbled across.
           The smile from my face flattered, lips parting as I took in what Kiyi asked me to do – the effort she put into this card. She wants me to give this to Zuko? My eyes snapped back to her, taking in the look of pure and utter determination on her face.
           There was nothing more Kiyi wanted at this moment than for her big brother to have this card.
           I opened my mouth to say something – but I couldn’t, lips trembling as I struggled to think coherently. The feather-like footsteps from the maids and nurses around us seemed to intensify, sounding like thunder. Blood rushing to my head as the thought of seeing Zuko’s resting figure tormented my mind.
           Kiyi will be heartbroken if I say no, but Zuko-
           “Button, I-I-” I stammered agonizingly, unable to find the right answer, trying to catch my breath. But the look on Kiyi’s face. Gosh, the similarities in expressions with Zuko, it was baffling.
           I can’t hurt her like this, but to see Zuko after so long-
           A delicate hand fell over my shoulder, like a plume, and Kiyi’s eyes widened in surprise before shooting the stranger behind me a joyful smile. I flinched at the unexpected tender touch over my kneeling figure. The familial grasp accustomed.
           “Avatar Aang!”
           “Hi Kiyi, what are you two doing over here? Planning on visiting your brother with Yue?” Aang spoke light-heartedly from behind, his pitch higher in tone than usual. I could feel the way his hand shifted over my shoulder, his fingers wrapping around my body, squeezing.
           He’s telling me to relax-
           “No~. I can’t visit, grown-ups only. But I made a card for Zuzu, and I want Yue to give it to him!”
           “A card, so thoughtful, Kiyi! It’s been a while since Yue saw your brother. What a perfect reason to see him now.” Aang casually spoke, his playful and cheerful aura shining through. And while any other day I would’ve gushed about how well Aang was with children, my mind focused on the words he uttered. I knew the double meaning.
           “Aang-” I warned with a batted breath.
           A cold sweat started to form on my eyebrow, the fever and impending panic attack beginning to work its way back to the surface no matter how hard I tried to shove the looming emotions away. I didn’t need to look over my shoulder, as I could feel Aang’s usual doe-like eyes boring holes into the back of my head, goosebumps rising on my skin.
           “I was going to see Zuko right now. I can go with Yue.” Aang continued, and I could hear the smile on his face. But despite the casual tone, there was an unspoken sternness. He wasn’t leaving this up for debate.
           Kiyi, utterly oblivious to Aang’s underlying message, squealed in delight. She shot me a great smile, a smile that had my stomach in knots as her tiny hands gripped my own, tugging on my sleeves. The excitement that ran through her body, practically jumping and standing on her toes.
           “Thank you, Yue! You’re the best; I’m so lucky to have a big sister like you. No wonder Zuko says he wants to marry you!” Kiyi gushed, and I could feel my skin begin to prickle. Zuko wants to marry me- “I can wash up by myself, so don’t worry about me, Yue! Here is the card-” Kiyi rushed, shoving the fragile thing into my grip.
           But what caught me off guard the most was the way Kiyi leaned towards me, pressing her puckered lips against my cheek. The feeling of her pouting lips, planting a gigantic wet kiss, had me blushing with happiness. It was adorable, sweet, a gesture that I didn’t deserve.
           “You’re the best; I love you!” Kiyi blurted all in one breath.
           No, I’m not, I’m far from ‘best,’ and even farther from ‘good.’
           “I love you too, button.” I hummed, pressing a bittersweet kiss on her cheek before she pulled away. She glowed at the words of endearment, waving at Aang before skipping down the hallway. I watched as she clasped on her juice-covered dress, giggles flowing from her innocent lips as she danced away, her figure becoming nothing more but a fleeting dot.
           It was Aang’s moderate tap that pulled me away from my trance, looking over my shoulder to see him standing in those mustard coloured robes of his.
           “Let me help you up, Yue.” Aang hummed as he reached, our fingers brushing against each other. He tugged me forward easily, letting me find my footing, as I dusted off my dress. As I patted down, I couldn’t help but let my digits slide over the hand-made card Kiyi gave me.
           The large sun she had painted with a cheery smile, staring back at me almost mockingly.
           Why did it hurt so much to see this card?
           “You’re flushed, Yue. Is your fever back?” Aang worried, stepping closer as he carefully inspected my figure. The further he inched his way towards me, I found myself blinking rapidly, taking in Aang’s appearance.
           The deep circles under his eyes, cheeks a bit more hollow than usual, highlighting his cheekbones in an ill manner. Even his brown eyes that were usually light in colour seemed darker, murky.
           “Aang, you look unwell-”
           “Guess that makes two of us.” Aang laughed under his breath, letting the back of his hand fall over my forehead. His soft skin brushed against mine, sweeping aside whatever baby hairs decided to escape from my current updo. The coolness from his body had me sighing in relief. How an ice bath seems far too tempting at the moment.
           Aang glowered, pulling his hand back, and I couldn’t help but gripe under my breath – my five second-cooling pad gone. “Let’s go see Katara about this fever. You’re burning up; this isn’t good...” Aang started, and I shook my head.
           “Don’t worry, Aang, she’s with Zuko and I-and I have things I have to do,” I spoke, voice unsteady as I tried to sound put-together. Instinctively, I sharpened up shoulders, chin up, trying to appear presentable—the same go-to movements I often did with the other royals and councilmembers.
           Yet the moment I breathed in deeply, back straight, I couldn’t shake the overwhelming feeling of feeling stupid. Standing here with Aang, forcing myself to seem normal, happy, okay, had my whole act in shambles. Because while I was able to put on the perfect façade with everyone, Aang was family.
           The way his shoulders dropped, eyes rounded, and arms ready to embrace – he already knew that I was in so much emotional and physical pain. Every day was a struggle to get out of bed, to eat, to work. I bit my lip, letting my fingers dance with the card Kiyi left behind. I can’t do this.
           I rose it, extending it towards him, “H-here, please give this to Zuko.”
           Aang’s eyes widen, lightly pushing the card back towards my chest. “Kiyi asked you to do this, Yue.” Aang reasoned, shaking his head, and I swallowed dryly.
           He doesn’t get it.
           “I-I can’t, Aang-” I inhaled, and Aang blew, “How long are you going to go not seeing Zuko, Yue. He needs you-”
           “I’m busy-” I struggled, and Aang scoffed, his palms falling over my arms.
           He ran his hands up and down, trying his best to comfort me despite the busybodies swimming by us. And for a split moment, I found myself slowly starting to ease in the act, before Aang spoke once more.
           It was like the room around us disappeared, the people, the noise, everything gone. My vision tunnelled on the way Aang moved his lips, ears listening to his usually airy voice utter the heaviest, heart-wrenching truth.
           “It’s been a week, Yue. A whole week, and you’ve never visited him once.”
           I swore, realizing I caused a dent in the corner of the delicate card from my shuddering hands, hearing Aang’s blunt revelation. A-a whole week?
           A whole week I went without seeing Zuko, and the sense of overwhelming dread weighed down my shoulders, stressed to process the information. I swallowed back a sob, cradling the card to my chest as the space around me felt like it was enclosing, the air too thick to breathe, burning my throat-
           “Yue, watch out-” Aang exclaimed.
           A maid bumped her shoulder against mine abruptly, causing me to wobble in my spot.
           The room spun, Aang’s arm reaching forward, grasping my elbow securely as a means to steady my dazzled state. The maid’s eyes widening in shock as she took note at the way my feet tumbled over each other for a moment, Aang desperately trying to help me find my state of balance.
           “My apologies, Imperial Consort Ying Yue, I was not watching where I was going- Imperial Consort Ying Yue? Are-are you alright?” The lady asked, her brows pinching together as she thoughtfully inched forward. It was then I realized how frazzled I undoubtedly looked.
           My whole body squeezed inwardly, clenching onto the card Kiyi gave me to my chest for dear life. I gulped, nodding my head nervously, “I-I’m fine, please, don’t apologize. I was lost in my thoughts; it’s my fault. I have to go now.” I exclaimed, forcing a smile on my face to the maid as she worriedly nodded and carefully bid her farewell.
           Aang’s grasp on my elbow stiffened, shifting my gaze back to him as she left, “Yue, you need to see Zuko eventually. You promised Kiyi.”
           “I will, just not now.” I wheezed, and the frown on Aang’s face grew, “You’ve been saying that all week.”
           “Because I’m busy, I made a vow-”
           “Work can wait, Yue. You shouldn’t even be working; you’re exhausted. Have you seen yourself?” Aang puffed, shaking his head in frustration as his fingers unknowingly dug deeper into my arm. “You look like you haven’t slept in days, you have a fever, you look sick. I’m worried-” Aang tried to reason, and I grimaced at his words.
           I knew how terrible I looked.
           Every night I tossed and turned in bed. No number of blankets, no number of pillows, not even sleeping in Zuko’s old T-shirts, seemed to do the trick. And those rare moments, where I did manage to close my eyes, were only filled with nightmares. Vivid images of the pained expression on Zuko’s face, him struggling to breathe, the way he looked at me.
           He hates me-
           A shaky exhale left me, “A-Aang, I can’t see Zuko-”
           “Stop punishing yourself, Yue.” Aang snapped, his voice sharp.
           The people around us all stilled for a moment, undoubtedly hearing Aang raise his voice, a tone I have only listened to a handful of times. They stared at us, looks of confusion and alarm stamped on their faces before they cautiously treaded around us, dashing through the infirmary doors, or down the hallway.
           Aang’s face was pink, the grip on my arm constricting as he blew stridently. It was like the emotional turmoil inside the both of us snapped, lashing out towards each other with no real reason. The weight of the whole week, the stress of running around, was eating us all alive.
           I ripped my arm from his grip with a cry, taking a step back as my bottom lip quivered. “You don’t understand, Aang.” I gulped, head shaking as I took another weak step backwards. The way my body trembled, thankful I didn’t trip over my feet.
           It was like all the pain and confusion was evident in my face, Aang’s expression softened, realizing how his temper flared for that split moment. Rubbing his face in defeat, he sighed heavily.
           “Then talk to me, Yue.” Aang pleaded as his voice strained with need, “Zuko needs you so much right now, you’re the only person he’s ever opened to like this. He loves you more than anything else in the world-”
           My breathing hitched, body stilling at Aang’s words. Memories of Mai and I’s interaction a week ago entering my mind-
‘Zuko would never love a monster like yourself. Not after everything you’ve done.’
‘All this drama happened because of you.’
‘If anyone gets hurt, it’s all your fault.’
           My lips parted, a wheezy gasp leaving me as I struggled to talk – as if someone kicked me in the gut. “I need to go-” I said, eyes unable to focus onto Aang, everything around me turning into one giant blur.
           “Yue-”
           “I need to go; I have work I need to do,” I spoke harshly, face impassive as I dodged his reach. Aang’s soft pleas, desperately trying to grab hold of me, the sleeves of my dress slipping through his fingers like water as I twisted on my heel.
           Scurrying through the people in the hallway, hand clasping over the card Kiyi had drawn, my teeth dug into my lips, the taste of iron filling my senses. I need to go; I need to go-
           But…
           I don’t want to go.
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             I let out a tired sulk, staring down at the black ink that stained the document before me. My signature looked like a two-year-old drew it, lines shaky and blotchy. What’s wrong with me? It’s like I forgot how to write, the ink practically pooling at the bottom of the page.
           It seemed like instead of spilling the ink all over the desk, like I’ve been doing this past week, I decided to pool it at the bottom of each document I’ve signed. Each paper that I touched with the tip of my golden pen, sporting its own artistic touch of ‘blotches.’ Every hour, the specks and chaos were getting worse.
           Maybe I could play it off as some modern artistic signature style?
           I snorted at my foolishness; shoulders slouched as I hesitantly rose the heavy pen in my hand back towards the paper. My eyes wearily scanned the document, trying to think of any possible way to save the work.
           At this point, anything would do.
           One paper, I just needed one article this evening to have a pretty signature. That’s it. Cautiously, I inched the pen towards my scribbles, biting my lip as I held my breath. And just like that, I swore.
           The sound of wet paper ripping as the golden tip stabbed through, the paper giving way to the sheer volume of ink and pressure. A loud whine escaped me, pen slipping from my grasp as I let my body fall against the desk, head thumping against the wood. Why can’t anything go right for once?
           Papers flew into the air, cascading downwards like fluttering butterflies, falling onto the floor. The unrelenting throbbing of my head grew tenfold. Either from banging it against this wooden desk or the utter frustration that coursed through my veins – my bet is both.
           My hands spread wide, flush with the study, nails digging and scratching at the surface.
           “Get it together, Yue. You’re not going to cry over a damn signature.” I blubbered, lip rolling between my teeth, forcing my eyes shut to prevent that stupid tear from rolling down my cheek. The taste of old blood still lingering on my lip from biting it roughly earlier on in the day with Aang.
           I whipped my head back, sitting upright, forcing my eyes open.
           “Don’t you dare cry.” I hissed to myself, as my chest tightened.
           The room was deathly quiet, only the dim lights from the candles spread about lighting the area. Eerie shadows from the décor scattered throughout the room had a restlessness settling in my stomach, the air stuffy. Every creak of the wooden floors, the flicker of light felt like a spirit hiding in the shadows, ready to lunge and attack.
           The room didn’t feel like home.
           I didn’t get the butterflies when I sat in this chair, skin warm and giggling non-stop.
           Nothing felt like home anymore.
           Because Zuko was home, dummy.
           “D-don’t cry,” I repeated like a mantra, blinking rapidly to stop the tears that so desperately wanted to fall. “It’s a signature, j-just a signature. Who cares?” I reasoned loudly, undoubtedly the guards on the other side questioning my sanity. But the more I spoke, the further my voice cracked, my emotions and logic fighting fiercely against one another.
           Helplessly my gaze wandered about the room, trying to distract myself, anything to push the too real of emotions away. I could hear my heartbeat thumping in my ears, every single thing my eyes settled upon evoking another, stronger emotion.
           The simple door at the other end of the room had me recalling those times I would sneak in here to surprise Zuko during work. The way his face would light up, more often than not, sighing in relief and beckoning me to his side. ‘Just who I needed, my baby’ Zuko would often coo, his hands brushing back my hair, tangling themselves.
           Or what about this desk?
           The number of times I sat on this thing, Zuko and I teasing each other, bantering about nonsense. ‘You’re so needy, love. Always needing hugs and kisses,’ Zuko would complain, only to pull me close. Fitting perfectly between his legs as he planted chaste kisses over my head, whispering sweet nothings.
           I sniffled, nose runny as my eyes fluttered shut.
           ‘Mmm, my one and only, baby’ I could vividly recall Zuko droning into my ear just last week, arms wrapping around my waist, fingers dancing over my skin. His warmth, his touches, his kisses.
           Zuko loved me in those moments, he really did, and I ruined it all.
           “Why now? Of all the times, why do I have to remember this now?” I whimpered under my breath, pain radiating up my nails as I burrowed into the wood beneath me. For days upon days, I drowned myself in work—anything to keep my mind off Zuko, avoiding the Gaang like the plague.
           This wasn’t about the stupid signature, gosh, it was so much more.
           My thoughts ran wild, switching between the happy moments Zuko and I shared, to the look of absolute horror once he realized what I was. But the cherry on top, the gut-twisting moment that had a small cry leaving my lips was Mai’s words that faithful day.
           The way Mai’s eyes looked down from above, an expression filled with sadness and pain etched into her very soul. Her tough shell crumbled for that tiny instant; her winded whisper engraved into my mind.
           ‘Remember, Yue. If you really love Zuko – want the best for him. You know what to do.’
           “B-but I don’t want to go.” I weakly snivelled, confessing that very thing I was trying to ignore. The festering and unavoidable topic at hand, the decision that kept me up at night, the reason why I couldn’t look at Ursa or Noren in the eye. I want to stay here, by Zuko’s side. I can’t hurt him like that, leave him after everything he’s been through-
           But this isn’t about you; a dark voice echoed into my mind; this is for Zuko, his safety.
           But he’s home-
           He doesn’t love you, you’re a monster, forever and always.
           My eyes snapped open once more, vision blurry as tears build up, freely falling down my face. “I’m losing home.” I sniffled, heart aching as I tried my hardest to swallow down my sobs. I didn’t want the guards who stood on the other side of that door to hear me, to feel burdened by my distress.
           Now is not the time to make others worry.
           I just need to continue ruling the Kingdom until Zuko gets better and then-
           Weakly, I wiped the tears from my eyes, taking deep lungsful as a means to control my emotions. My cheeks hurt from the crying, nose a bright red, no doubt, as I wiped the final tear from my eyes. I don’t even want to know how I look like at the moment.
           My vision cleared, a shaky breath leaving me, as I sat straight. Another hour of work and then you can try to sleep this all off. I wiggled my way into Zuko’s chair, trying to find a comfy spot to zone out my thoughts and fix my terrible signatures, only to freeze.
           There, at the very edge of my desk, stood that perfect red card.
           The bright yellow sun smiling at me, Kiyi’s adorable cursive scribbled on the front.
           “Get better, Zuzu,” I whispered, a small smile emerging on my face as the words flew from my lips.
           Memories of Kiyi’s, bouncing from joy in her spot as she said she loved me, that I was the best big sister. Hands shaking, I found them stretching before me without thinking. Leaning forward and pressing myself against the desk, my fingertips grazed the edge of the card, drawing it closer.
           I couldn’t help but caress the soft paper, feeling where the paint stuck, the paper slightly wrinkled. With much care, I brought it close to my face, eagerly musing over every paint stroke, every sparkle, the love etched into this simple card.
           It was funny how the little things in life take up the most space in your heart.
           How a simple card caused the warm fuzzy feelings, the feelings I haven’t felt in almost a week, to appear. The dashing butterflies in my stomach, cheeks glowing in glee, the emotions and reactions that would often appear whenever I was with Zuko. A fleeting moment of complete and utter bliss, happiness.
           I want to see Zu-
           A knock on the door stripped me from my thoughts, jumping in my seat.
           The way my eyes bugged out, staring at the door with my jaw dropped, not at all anticipating such a powerful knock, let alone at this moment. My head snapped side to side, hastily taking note of the mess spread around.
           “Umm, o-one minute, please!” I shouted, mortified beyond belief.
           My hand grabbed the papers that were within reach, almost throwing myself over the table as I greedily swiped all the blotched documents towards me. Shit-shit-shit, where am I going to put all this? And that’s when I spotted the small white bin that stood at my feet, and without thinking twice, I tossed all the papers inside.
           I’ll take care of this mess after.
           “C-come in!” I awkwardly muttered, sniffling as I stared forward.
           A moment of silence fell over me before the front door flew open with a bang. My head tilted to the side, watching with interest as a short man dashed inside. His black clothing made him look like a shadow, making his way towards me as if he’s been inside here countless of times, knowing the room like the back of his hand.
           The door swayed close behind him, the man's hands raised as he adjusted the thick red scarf wrapped around his shoulders and neck. “Fire Lord Zuko.” The man huffed, pulling the veil down his face, exposing his sharp nose, “I have news about Ax-”
           His dark cat-like eyes lined up with mine, his thin pink lips forming an ‘O’ shape as he froze in his spot. We stared at each other, looks of confusion and amusement flashing between us, neither one of us knowing who we were in relation.
           I found my gaze falling over the man’s features, taking note of the faint wrinkles that appeared on his face, his skin tanned. As if he realized that I was studying him intently, curious as to who he was, a faint flush coated his cheeks.
           “Y-you’re not Fire Lord Zuko.” The man buzzed, his tone low and taut.
           I let out a breathless giggle, entertained by the expression on his face.
           He looked utterly taken off guard, stunned, like a confused child. And seeing such an expression on a man who was currently dressed in a skin tight-suit, weapons undoubtedly concealed underneath was such a contrast. I found myself easing in my seat, something in me telling me he wasn’t a threat, despite his harsh facial structures and odd clothing.
           I saw the way he eagerly studied my sitting figure, and like something clicked he quickly bowed, “You must be- Imperial Consort Ying Yue, my sincere apologies-”
           “Please, it’s okay.” I quickly retorted, standing up from the chair as I waved away the formalities. My eyes scanned his face once again, trying desperately to place a name. He seems unfamiliar, I’ve never met this man before, have I?
           “Is there something you need? Fire Lord Zuko is not available at the moment, but I can do whatever I can.” I started, and the man merely shook his head, hand scratching his head. “Unfortunately, I need to speak with Fire Lord Zuko, directly. Do you know where I could find him?”
           My lips parted, a sad smile forming on my face, as I eased my way around the chair, walking around the desk. He doesn’t know- Even the man in front seemed to notice the way my body altered, a sudden heaviness in my step. I let my hand slide down my lap, fixing any wrinkles that may have appeared.
           “Fire Lord Zuko is ill at the moment; I’m temporarily stepping into his role. But if there’s anything I can do-”
           “He’s ill?” The man exclaimed, and I puckered, nodding my head.
           “This whole week…” I spoke, and the man clicked his tongue, running his hands through his hair. He did not want to hear that. He began to grumble under his breath, mumbling incoherent, but I could sense the frustration from him.
           I couldn’t help it, watching over him, feet moving on their own, inching closer towards him: the sharp eyes, sun-kissed skin. Just who is he?
           “My apologies, but who are you, may I ask?”
           He looked taken aback by the question, before chuckling bashfully under his breath. “I promise I do have better manners than this, Imperial Consort.” He droned, shaking his head in shame before giving me a broad smile.
           “I go by Mihir; I’m an informant, I work directly under Fire Lord Zuko’s authority.” He started, and the moment his name left his lips, my eyes widen.
           The beach house.
           I stepped forward, a pout on my face as I pointed a finger, “It’s you. The man who kept calling Zuko when we were on vacation- you kept stealing Zuko from me!”
           He looked taken aback, raising his hands in front of him as he shook, hearing the high pitch in my voice as I squealed. “S-sorry, Imperial Consort. I didn’t mean to bother you during your vacation-” he stumbled, and I huffed under my breath.
           “It’s fine, knowing Zuko, he made you work. That man doesn’t understand how to relax.” Gosh, if Zuko knew I stuffed the bin to the brim with paperwork, he would’ve killed me.‘Hiding paperwork doesn’t make the work go away, love’ I could already imagine Zuko grumbling, hearing his voice vividly in my mind. I smiled to myself despite the annoyance.
           Zuko would pinch his nose, and then complain about how the papers are all wrinkled-
           “You know Fire Lord Zuko well.” Mihir chuckled under his breath, a blush creeping onto my cheeks as I realized I zoned out for a moment. I timidly brushed whatever hairs fell from my ponytail, biting my lip as I looked down at the floor.
           “I admire his work ethic, even though it drives me nuts sometimes. There isn’t a day where he isn’t doing something, improving himself or helping others. I-I always adored that.” I rambled, mentally slapping myself. Why is it that, whenever Zuko is brought to topic, I find myself blurting another thing I adore about him?
           Mihir mused at my words, crossing his arms, “Fire Lord Zuko…he talks about you…a lot.”  My gaze snapped upwards to meet Mihir’s, a gentle smile on his face.
           He didn’t seem like a man who smiled often, but it suited him. Even though every expression of Mihir’s had this stoutness to it, I couldn’t help but notice the softness in this man’s soul. I think I know why Zuko trusts him.
           “I guess I’ll come back tomorrow. Hopefully, Fire Lord Zuko feels better and can arrange a moment with me. I’ll leave so you can go see him now, give him my regards.” Mihir spoke, and my head tilted, raising a brow.
           “What makes you think I’m seeing him now?” I blurted, confusion written on my face. Mihir chuckled, raising his scarf over his face, “Because you’re holding that ‘get better Zuzu’ card.”
           His cat-like eyes were the only visible part of his body, stepping back as he placed his hand over his chest, “And based on the way you’re holding it, tight and close to your heart, shows me it’s important. That you care and worry about Fire Lord Zuko, maybe even more than you realize.”
           He bowed from his waist down before opening the study door, just a crack – slipping through like the wind. It softly shut behind him, leaving me alone in the middle of the room. My mouth dropped, looking down at my hands to realize Mihir was right.
           This whole time…I-I was holding the card.
           The sun smiled back at me, and I couldn’t help but smile again, no longer experiencing that mocking feeling like I was earlier in the day. “A promise is a promise…” I whispered, and I twirled on my feet, walking towards the candles that littered the room.
           My lips puckered, blowing out each one, dashing. The way I spoke to Aang, the promise I made to Kiyi- I don’t want my time here to end like this, on such a sour note.
           I want to see Zuko – one last time.
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             Thumbs twirling, a large pout settled as I waltzed down the red hall, the infirmary just around the corner.
           My dress rustled as I walked, the clicking sound of my heels, bouncing off the walls of the almost wholly deserted Kingdom. One or two servants would come down ever so often, smiling sweetly before continuing on their way. They all bore tired expressions, ready to go home for the night, until tomorrow.
           I pressed the card Kiyi made close to my chest, hands shaking slightly.
           The moon was high in the night sky, admiring the reflection it drew on the water in the pond. Despite the distance, I could spot the faint ripples, turtle ducks calmly floating below the waterfall, enjoying the chill air the Fire Nation had to offer.
           Another puff left me, lost in my thoughts as I continued on my walk, eyes settling upon the flower petals that fell from the trees. To think that just hours ago, I was under a tree, the hot air and beaming sun radiating upon my skin. Now an odd sense of peace filled the air, the children's laughter, the women’s gossip just remnants of time.
           One more walk in the gardens with Zuko.
           I would’ve loved that.
           The warmth of Zuko’s hands in mine, his fingers rubbing the skin between my thumb and pointer, humming our soft tune. Or maybe us playing in the water with Kiyi once again, Iroh and Ursa laughing in the background, shaking their heads in amusement.
           “Yue?” A voice breathed, so light, quieter than a whisper, that for a moment, I thought I imagined it. My brows pinched together, raising my hand to my head as my pace flattered. Did I- am I so tired I’m hearing things right now?
           I shook my head, scoffing to myself.
           My eyes burned, throat rough as I swallowed hard. The events of the day had my hands cramped and body aching. “Get it together, Yue,” I grumbled under my breath, forcing my feet to move. I let my hand drop from my forehead, resting it along the palace walls – pivoting to turn the corner before I stopped abruptly in my tracks.
           “Yue.” The voice spoke again, this time louder, more forceful.
           This isn’t my imagination; the voice is coming from behind me. I twirled in my spot, a small gasp escaping me as I soaked up what I saw. The stunning mix of yellow and blue, a large wooden stick in hand-
           “Aang.” I breathed, reviewing his figure up and down.
           He stood there, posture hunched, and unlike this morning, where he seemed tired but overall refreshed, now he looked utterly drained. The way his eyes sulked and the grip he held over his staff, loose. Dangling from the tips of fingers as he stared back at me, his pupils wide. Is he just coming back from work? At this hour of the night?
           “Aang, you’re just going to bed now?” I announced, unable to hide the worry in my tone.  Aang awkwardly scratched his head, laughing under his breath while nodding slowly, “Mhm, I had some paperwork I had to review for Republic City.”
           “This late?” I questioned; my hands firmly pressed over my chest.
           Aang opened his mouth before shutting it, the corner of his lips tugging upwards as he coolly leaned on his staff. “What about you, Yue?” Aang started, wiggling his eyebrows, nudging his head to the side as if to emphasize the fact that the moon was high in the sky.
           “It seems like someone else is just going to bed.”
           I bite my lip, shaking my head, “I’m not going to bed just yet…”
           Aang glowered at my words, pushing off the staff that he was just resting on, back straightening. “Where are you going, Yue?” Aang voiced, “It’s late; you should be resting-”
           “I'm going to see Zuko.”
           The air between us stilled, hearing him take in a sharp inhale, stilling in his spot.      
           His mouth agape, gawking as he let the words, I uttered, seep in. Expressions of astonishment and disbelief flashed by his face, unsure which emotion to settle upon. I couldn’t fault him for feeling as shocked as he was. For a whole week, I refused to see Zuko, no matter how often they begged and asked. But I can’t say no anymore; I want to see him so bad, be greedy and selfish and see him-
           Reservedly, I shifted my hands from my chest, presenting the get-better card Kiyi gave me earlier in the day to him. It was like the card jerked Aang from the conflicting emotions that tumbled inside him, seeing his sandaled feet moving forward.
           “Yue, if you’re not ready to see him, you don’t have to.” Aang concerned, brows pinching together as he anxiously stepped forward. “I can give the card, right now-”
           “Aang, I’m sorry for pushing you and the Gaang away.” I snivelled.
           The trembling in my hands grew, teeth digging deep into my swollen lips as I drove the card further into my chest. My nails pulled at the silky fabric of my dress, fighting back the tears of remorse.
           The way I treated Aang earlier was sad, but it wasn’t just today. It was ever since Zuko fell ill. It was like I couldn’t look at anyone in the eye, not even Sokka or Katara, without feeling guilty. Overwhelming shame and burden, despite them not holding what happened to Zuko against me.
           But I was also lying to them, not telling them the truth of what happened that terrible day, the extent of my bending.
           “I was so mean to you, and I’m sorry.”
           “Yue-” Aang sniffled, and I felt his arms wrap around my body, pulling me into a tight embrace.
           I let my head snuggle in between his neck and shoulder, chest rising and falling between my heavy breaths as Aang fussed into my ear. His lips pressed against my head, a smile dancing as he held me close. A whole week I went without a single hug from anyone, without any form of affection. I was forcing myself into complete isolation beside any business meetings.
           To have someone hold me close made me realize how lonely I felt. How much I wanted a hug – to be held.
           “I’m sorry too. I should’ve have lost my temper like that. I just-” Aang started, pulling away slightly, our gazes meeting as we stood close. I saw how round his eyes were, cheeks a pleased flush as he spoke. “I can’t stand seeing you hurting yourself, Yue. Take all the blame and hurt when you deserve to be happy.”
           “I just want Zuko to be safe.” I sighed, raising my hand against my nose for the hundredth time today. Aang hummed knowingly, “Come on, I’ll walk you to the infirmary, and then I’ll let you be.”
           “A-actually, Aang…” I stuttered, cheeks turning rosy, “Can you come with me? I-I don’t want to do this alone.”
           The way Aang beamed as if I told him that Appa could, in fact, fit inside the Kingdom and sleep in the same room as Katara, him, and Momo. He let his hand rest over the small of my back, glowing ear to ear.
           “I would love to go with you, Yue.”
           I stepped back from his caring touches, taking a deep breath as I looked down at the card that sat in my hand. The red of the paper practically radiating under the dim candlelight of the Kingdom. The last thing I’ll ever do for Kiyi-
           “We should hurry,” Aang spoke sympathetically, “You look exhausted, but I know seeing Zuko is important for you, Yue.” I could feel the way he put light pressure on the tips of fingers, nudging me gently. Within seconds I found ourselves walking, Aang letting his staff twirl in his grip as he watched over me out of the corner of his brown eyes.
           With every step we took, the beating of my heart grew.
           Blood rushing, skin warm as goosebumps rose.
           Despite the chill air of the night, I was sweating, the sound of paper rattling between my grasp embarrassingly loud as we marched. The mental gymnastics that ran through my head, torn between running to Zuko’s side or hiding in the comforts of my blankets. I want to see Zuko so bad, but what if Mai is right? That he doesn’t love me anymore, and the last thing he wants is a visit from me.
           My lip rolled between my teeth, letting my gaze wander to our right as we turned the corner. For a split moment, I saw how the turtle ducks huddled together in the pond. The babies adorable squished together heads resting over each other, as their parents loomed over them. A family…
           “Don’t think for a second Zuko doesn’t want you there with him,” Aang spoke.
           I titled my head, snapping my gaze towards him.
           Aang continued walking ahead, the grand wooden doors before us a few steps away. People with crosses embordered on their sleeves, walking in and out of those doors. The air around them was calm, but I could tell a few of them looked surprised to see us this late in the night.
           “You really think…Zuko wants me there, Aang?” I whispered.
           I could hear Aang snort, giving me a side look filled with personality. “Yue, I didn’t want to say this…” He started, and by then, my head was spinning, realizing that right before us was the entrance.
           Aang’s hand rested over the door, look heavy as he slowly faced me, “Katara told me that sometimes Zuko whispers your name in his sleep.”
           My bottom lip quivered, hearing those words, Aang’s hand dragging along the wood. But he wasn’t finished, laughing lightly as he seemingly remembers the conversation between him and Katara. “Every time he says your name, he smiles. Katara said it was creepy seeing him that happy.”
           I couldn’t help but giggle, rubbing my eyes with the ends of my sleeves imaging it.
           From first-hand experience, I already knew that Zuko was prone to smiling during his sleep. Also, prone to holding me to close to his chest so that the slightest movement from me caused his arm to lock, holding me in place. And don’t forget about sniffing my hair, whispering ‘vanilla’ under his breath far too many times to count.
           Tugging on my sleeves, now stained with wet droplets, Aang glowed from above, “Now, Yue, you make do with that information as you will. But I think we both know what it means.”
           “Aang…” I breathed between my stuffy nose; voice soft.
           “Yes, Yue?”
           “I-I’m ready.”
           “Let’s go then, Princess.” Aang teased with a cheeky smile, pushing the door.
           The door creaked, the high pitch noise sounding louder than usual, given how quiet the palace hallways were at the time. Right away, the nurses who were busily working inside turned their heads towards our direction, shooting us enormous smiles. They waved excitedly, energy-filled in their actions.
           “A beautiful night, Imperial Consort,” they happily sang, before going back to work.
           I pressed a smile to my face, whispering my soft greetings as I pressed the card closer to my chest. I couldn’t help but notice how clammy my palms were, if it weren’t for Aang’s guidance, I would’ve undoubtedly froze in place at the door.
           My eyes scanned the area, the chandlers lighting up the large room, the grand windows opened, and curtains pushed back to allow the calming breeze from outside to enter. Fresh flowers and bright paintings decorated the space as a means to keep the atmosphere up and going. And the further I walked, taking in every detail, down to the colours of the candles, I couldn’t help but wonder.
           Was this how Zuko felt that time when I was in here?
           Just as nervous, anxious, to see me after the waterfall incident? I could recall how flustered Zuko appeared. A look of exhaustion washing over him as he stood before me. The way he rushed to my side, cupping my face before placing a kiss of pure desperation over my lips- my cheeks flushed.
           Why would I think of something like that right now?
           Aang’s hand fell over my back once more, rubbing gently as I jumped in my spot.
           “He’s over there, behind that curtain, where the guards are,” Aang spoke, nudging me where he pointed with his chin. As if they heard, the guards carefully lifted their helmets, bowing slightly with warm smiles before moving off to the side. Their helmets fell back over their faces, quietly discussing amongst themselves, giving us space and privacy.
           My knees were wobbling; every step I took felt like rocks were tied to the soles of my feet, the ground sand as I struggled to move. The reality of the whole situation hitting me all at once. You’re fine, Yue.
           This is fine, you’re fine-
           The curtain that isolated Zuko from the rest was now right before me. A dark velvety red fabric, dragons imprinted all over. The point at which the curtains met swayed lightly with the incoming breeze, and I could feel my breath catching when I spotted the end of a metal bed through the momentary crack.
           He’s right here, right behind this curtain-
           My hand reached naturally, fingertips feeling the soft fabric slip in between each digit. It was like everything was moving in slow motion, the overwhelming need, want, to see Zuko.  I missed him so much.
           I need him; I want to see him-
           Hastily, I drew the draping back, the curtain swaying dramatically with my movement. I clenched the card tightly to my chest, eyes rapidly scanning the space, and just like that, my arm limply dropped to my side. My shoulders slumped, body shuddering, hand falling over my mouth as an uncontrollable sob erupted from me.
           “Yue?” Aang worried from behind me, his hands squeezing over me with care.
           It was at that moment I realized I wasn’t moving, too busy studying over the handsome sleeping figure before me – Zuko.
           His long black hair was neatly brushed and scattered over the scarlet pillow he rested upon, hands over his heart as his chest rose and fell with every breath. The way the moonlight shined through the large windows behind him, painting his skin with a heavenly aura – almost spirit-like.
           Those pink lips of his that I adored were parted, loveable sighs leaving him as his head slightly leaned to the side. It was like last week never happened, his expression so peaceful, sleeping without a worry in the world. The red blanket that laid over his body stopped short of his chest, his milky skin bare.
           Zuko- he looked healthy.
           Part of me imagined Zuko’s appearance to have withered slightly. His face to have sunken, cheekbones prominent, and his physique smaller. How wrong was I. Zuko looked like he gained weight – shoulders broader than usual, the divots on his arms from where his muscles lined abnormally defined. He was even freshly shaven, skin clear and dewy.
           Small breathless giggles left me, unable to contain the relief of seeing Zuko looking nothing short of perfect.  “Yue-” Aang voiced once again, and this time I turned on my heel to look at him.
           “He’s okay.” I cried, and Aang’s expression softened the moment he realized why I was crying.
           I wasn’t shedding tears because I was upset but relieved.
           Zuko looked so healthy, completely untouched, as I wiped my nose messily on my sleeve. “K-Katara took such good care of him; I owe her so much. I-I couldn’t have healed him as well as her if it weren’t for you and the Gaang being there for him-”
           Aang’s hand brushed my face, cleaning my cheeks to the best of his ability as I let my tears flow. “I told you, Yue. We’re family. We love Zuko too. If you think Katara was going to let her best friend fall ill because some bad guys wanted to hurt you, you doubt our bonds.”
           I smiled, choking as I sniffled, turning my head back to Zuko. He looked so happy, “T-thank you. For everything. For coming with me.”
           “I’ll always be here, Yue. Now give him that card. He may be knocked out cold, but I’m sure he’ll be happy to see it when he wakes up.” Aang happily blubbered, standing at the far corner as I carefully made my way around the bed.
           I couldn’t pull my gaze away from Zuko, watching him as he slept, it felt like my heart was going to burst. Was it creepy to stare at Zuko this excitedly while he slept? Probably, but I couldn’t stop myself. I missed him so much.
           Carefully I rose the card, lips moving silently as I cumbersomely. “Katara told me that he could most likely hear us, Yue…I bet he would love to hear your voice.”
           My voice…?
           “Z-Zuko.” I shakily started, carefully placing the beautiful handcrafted card on the wooden table that stood right beside him. A few vials and bowls of water with towels laid there – tools for Katara whenever she was healing or checking up on Zuko quickly at her aid. If it weren’t for Katara’s Waterbending skills, who knows what would’ve happened to Zuko.
           “Zuko.” I breathed once again, smiling softly as I inched my way closer to Zuko’s bedside.
           I watched as Zuko’s eyes moved under his shut eyelids at the sound of my voice so close to his body, a deep sigh, leaving him for a moment as he continued sleeping. My hand outstretched over his, hovering, fighting the temptation to feel his skin against mine.
           “K-Kiyi made a card for you; she misses you….” I whispered, and I saw the way Zuko’s expression changed the more I talked. His brows pinched together slightly as his head tossing towards me side, another long exhale leaving him. It was like in his sleep he was searching for my voice, his fingers tightening its hold on the blankets that laid over him.
           I weakly smiled, and without thinking, my hand rested of his.
           “I miss you,” I whispered, tears falling down my face as I anxiously held my breath.
           The greed took over, my fingers dance over his soft skin, basking in the warmth. It was like a current ran through me the moment our hands touched, the sense of familiarity and happiness bursting at the seams.
           “I miss you so much. I miss your hugs and cuddles and smiles, and-” I had to stop talking, struggling as my words rushed. My digits laced with his, my skin tingling, butterflies in my stomach from being so close to Zuko after so long.
           “I’m sorry you got hurt because of me, I’m sorry for not telling you the truth. I’m sorry I didn’t do more.” I cried as I let my other hand wander, trailing up his chest to his neck. I winced, feeling the rough patch of skin nestled at the base of his neck. There was a small scar now, a darkened patch of skin from where I sliced.
           Forever a reminder, and I swear I could feel the scar that rested along my jaw tingle.
           “I promised myself that I would never hurt you…” I whimpered, leaning over his bed, unable to stop the temptation to get closer. My hands cupped his face, thumbs caressing his pouting lips. “I promised Iroh, your mom, Kiyi, everyone that I would take care of you. I made that vow to myself the moment I met you.”
           My eyes fluttered shut, face rosy, all self-restraint gone.
           Leaning over his body, hair falling over our faces as my lips gently brushed over his. The feeling of his soft, plump lips pressed against my swollen ones, tears tumbling over his skin.
           “I hope you find someone who can keep that vow better than me, Zuko. Who will love you more than I ever could. Who will bring out that stunning twinkle in your eyes. I want you to be happy Zuko…”
           “Yue.” I heard Aang cry, and I carefully pulled back, noticing the way my salty tears dripped down Zuko’s cheek, tainting the stark burn on his face.
           “One last kiss.” I dejectedly cried, taking a step back, my fingertips grazing his skin before leaving. The moment my touch left him, I could feel my heart ache, hands cupping my mouth as I tried my toughest to shush my tears.
           “What do you mean by one last kiss, Yue?” Aang worriedly questioned, stepping closer to my trembling figure.
           It’s time I come clean.
           “I-I never you, what Mai said to me.” I sobbed, and I could feel Aang’s arms wrap around me, holding me close to his chest as his hands ran up and down my back. He cradled my face into his neck, shaking his head at my words, “What did she tell you, Yue?”
           “S-she said that the reason Zuko got hurt is because of me.” I started, spluttering harder as my sight became filled with nothing more but tears. “I-if I leave, t-then Zuko will be safe. No harm will be done.”
           “Yue, you can’t believe her, she could be lying for all we know-”
           “But what if she isn’t, Aang?” I huffed, pulling away to stare at him.
           Tears swelled in Aang’s eyes, wiping his face with the back of his hand heatedly as he looked down at me. “Maybe she is lying, Aang. But I prefer to take the risk, then have Zuko get hurt again because of me.”
           “I-if you leave, Yue.” Aang broke, his voice cracking as the grip on my body tightened. “Zuko would look under every damn rock for you. Go to the ends of the world looking for you. You think he’s going to let you go, Yue? Walk out of his life after how much you’ve changed him?” Aang argued expression hurt as he took in a shaky breath.
           “Zuko loves you so much. I shouldn’t even tell you this, but Zuko is already thinking of a hundred and one ways to propose! He told me that he wants kids, he wants a family, asking me what good diapers- damnit Yue!” Aang huffed, pulling me back into a tight embrace as we cried silently together.
           “This whole week, you’ve pushed us away, carried the burden of that knowledge. You wanted to see Zuko today, not because you stopped blaming yourself, but because you wanted to say goodbye.”
           “I don’t want to go, Aang, but I don’t want Zuko to hurt anymore.”
           “You’re going to hurt him by leaving.”
           “But, I’ll be hurting him more if I stay.”
           I pulled away slightly, looking to my side to watch as Zuko laid in bed. The tranquil expression on his face at the moment, I couldn’t have wished for a better lasting appearance to see. Every memory we shared, forever locked in my heart for years to come, because no one can steal those recollections away from me.
           “I thought Zuko was the one, Yue,” Aang whispered into my ear, and I rubbed my nose, smiling to myself. “Zuko is the one for me, always will be. But I’m not the one for him. I don’t think I ever was…”
           “So, is this it? Are you just going to leave us? Me, Katara, Sokka, Hakoda-”
           I winced, shutting my eyes as I shook my head, “I’ll leave as soon as Zuko wakes up. I made a promise that I’ll take care of the kingdom for him, and I want to keep at least one promise.”
           “Where will you go, Yue? I-we-but-” Aang raged internally, stepping back before running his hands over his hand. His fingers pressed against the skin of the blue arrow along his head, expression panicked. I could tell from the look in his eyes that his mind was swirling, unable to focus.
           Carefully, I stepped towards Zuko, grabbing the blanket that laid over him, and lifting it. I tucked the warm fabric, snuggling under his chin, a bittersweet smile painting my face as I took in Zuko’s features one last time. “I love you, Zuko, I can’t even begin to express my feelings. There aren’t enough letters in the alphabet to string together a word strong enough to tell you how much I love you.”
           I pulled away, letting my hands clasp together, nails causing crescents into my palms as I swallowed back the next wave of weeping. “And I want you to know, Zuko, that no matter how much you hate me, are angry at me, I’ll still love you. That will never change.”
           Turning on my heel, I faced Aang, whose face was swollen, nose a bright red as he weakly grabbed the staff he let rest on the wall.
           “I-I think it’s time I go to bed now…” I quietly spoke, and Aang nodded, using the tip of his stick to pull back the curtains to lead to the outside world. But he didn’t move right away, his eyes locked with mine.
           “Aang?” I asked, and he sighed, forcing a smile on his face.
           “I can’t stop you from leaving, Yue. This is your choice, your journey. But I hope you know that while everyone may be nervous once they learn about your bending, you’re still you. You’re still Sokka and Katara’s sister, Toph’s drinking partner, Suki’s shopping pal, and my best friend.”
           “Thank you, Aang.”
           “I’ll take you to your room, and I hope tomorrow, by some miracle, you realize that Zuko will love you, regardless of how you view yourself. And that you have every right to stay here with Zuko, and have the family you always dreamed of.”
           I could feel my heart swell, Aang outstretching his hand towards me, a poignant smile on his face. Right away, I grabbed his cold hand, our fingers intertwining, letting ourselves relish in the bittersweet moment. His hand squeezed tightly, before beginning to move, and I looked over my shoulder quickly.
           “Goodbye, Zuko.” I hummed, taking in the finest of details as if I didn’t already know each and every mark on his skin—the shape of his nose and lips, even his ears. But my eyes narrowed, only noticing too late the fresh tear running down Zuko’s cheek.
           A tear that was undoubtedly not present a moment ago.
           My feet stuttered, and as I eagerly tilted my head to get a better look, to make sure it was not my eyes playing tricks, but it was too late. The thick curtain shut, red flooding my vision. This is really it; I said my goodbye.
           Without any of other words spoken between Aang and me, we walked side by side, our hands swinging as Aang silently guided me to my room. The nurses and guards all said their share of goodnights, not daring to ask as to why our cheeks were as red as could be, our voices coarse and eyes puffy.
           Tiredly, we inched our way down the hallway, rubbing my face as I took in every nuisance of the kingdom. How many more days do I have left, walking down this hallway before I go? Soon the I won’t ever hear the clicking of my heels when I stroll in the mornings or the happy greetings of the servants.
           We turned the corner, my eyes lighting up as I spotted two guards at the front of my bedroom—two people who I knew far too well at this point. I turned to face Aang, our eyes meeting. An unspoken connection hitting us both as Aang drew me in for one last hug.
           “Goodnight, Yue. And how I hope, more than anything, I see you in the morning.” He wished before pulling away. We shared one last look before he begrudgingly turned on his heel. His yellow robes flowed behind him as he let his staff dance in his grip, eagerly walking towards the waiting arms of his dearest lover. Bringing my arms up to my chest, I hugged myself.
           Thank you.
           “Imperial Consort Ying Yue?” two voices spoke, causing me to twirl.
           With their helmets now off, I couldn’t hide the short moment of happiness seeing them this late at night. It really is them- “Ah, hello, friends~!” I sung, waving with a small yawn as I inched my way towards them.
           They smiled back, but I couldn’t help but notice how forced their smiles seemed, their bodies tensed as they shared anxious looks. I pouted, tilting my head to the side as I looked around. Aang was already long gone, no one in sight. What could be upsetting them?
           “Is everything alright?” I asked curiously, and I had to raise a brow at the way they nudged each other in the stomach.
           “You tell her.”
           “No, you do.”
           “I didn’t let her enter.”
           “She’s a Princess; I can’t exactly say ‘no.’ And you were there with me, why didn’t you say anything?” They bickered with each other. My head snapped back and forth, watching how they grumbled under their breath, like two school children bickering. It was literally like watching Katara and Sokka fight, just older and from the Fire Nation.
           I let out a small giggle, shaking my head, children.
           “Can someone, please, tell me? I promise I won’t get mad.” I urged, crossing my arms over my chest. At the sound of my voice, they stilled, nervously shifting in their spots. I gave them a look, and that seemed to do the trick. Both of blurting out what they didn’t want to say, “Princess Kiyi is inside your bedroom. She says she wants to sleep in your bed.”
           My eyes widen at the news, staring at the large bedroom doors.
           K-Kiyi?
           I opened my mouth, only to close it once more.
           This was strange.
           Kiyi was undoubtedly a cuddlier, loved to spend time with everyone and anyone. The star of the show, able to capture the hearts of many with her positive and addictive attitude. Sometimes Zuko would go to her room and read books before she went to bed, often coming back to the bedroom and telling me how these children’s books were ‘cringy.’
           But to have her, in our bed, saying that she wants to stay the night had me in a whirlwind. It was so unlike her. She loved snuggling, but she was one independent cookie – one who went to the beat of her own drum. Processing their words, both of them gawking over me, trying to figure out if I was upset at the news.
           “Did she give a reason why she wished to stay?” I asked, and they nodded eagerly, “Something about a card?”
           “Oh-”
           “We can go and ask her to leave, Imperial Consort, we shouldn’t have let her stay in the first place-”
           “No,” I spoke up, raising my hand and gently placing it over theirs.
           Their breathing hitched, unsure if I was about to get upset, but I quickly flashed a smile. Shaking my head because suddenly, it made sense, remembering the sad smile on Kiyi’s face from this morning when she spoke about Zuko.
           She was just as upset and worried as everyone else about the whole situation. Just because she was a child, and didn’t know all the details regarding the situation, didn’t mean she didn’t pick up on the depressive tone from us all. Just like how I needed a hug, I bet Kiyi needed one too.
           “Do me a favour, please, and let Lady Ursa know that Kiyi is with me tonight. To send a maid in the morning to wake us, so she goes to school on time.”
           They both nodded, letting out a breath, “We’ll go right now, Imperial Consort.”
           “Thank you. Have a nice night.”
           “You too.” They smiled before bowing.
           I turned on my heel, facing the bedroom doors, my hands falling over it. With one fluid movement, I eased my way inside, only for the corners of my lips to curve upwards.
           What a sight.
           There Kiyi sat, in the middle of Zuko and I’s bed, pillows around her as she held the teddy bear Zuko gave me tight to her chest. The blankets were perfectly nestled under her chin, her beady eyes glowing under the warmth of the candles. “Button?” I cooed, and I could hear Kiyi enthusiastically squirm under the sheets.
           “I was waiting; it’s past bedtime.” She smugly retorted, and while I didn’t see the look on her face, I already knew she had a huge grin.
           “Oh, I’m sorry. It’s just that this room here I’m pretty sure doesn’t belong to you.” I teased, stepping inside as I let the door shut behind me. With ease, I pulled at the elastic that held my hair into a high pony, mewling with delight as it fell. All the tension in my scalp, releasing as my hair draped over my shoulders.
           Kiyi watched in awe as she sat up, her mouth hanging, “Your hair is so long and pretty.”
           “Compliments won’t work on me, button.” I pestered, grabbing one of Zuko’s old T-shirts that was draped at the end of the bed.
           With the shirt in hand, I eased my way to the bathroom, letting the door open just a crack, so I could hear the way Kiyi buzzed on the other side. My hand rubbed the back of my neck, another yawn escaping me before my eyes settled over the mirror, taking in my appearance for the first time in a while.
           I looked exhausted.
           The dress I wore seemed oddly loose about my hips, fingers a bit boney, and cheeks sullen. Dark circles under my eyes and back aching from hunching over the desk all day, staying up all night only to wake up bright and early. I let my hands run through my hair, trying my best to shake out the tangles, too tired to brush.
           With a tired sigh, my fingers danced to the front of my dress, beginning to undress.
           “Yue, where did you get this teddy? He’s so cute.” I heard Kiyi gush and laughed softly. “Who do you think, button?” I responded, letting the red fabric fall onto the floor.
           My hands grasped Zuko’s old shirt, easily squirming my body into it. It was massive in size, stopping near my thighs as it bagged over my body comfortably. His warm spice-like scene still etched into the fabric, like cinnamon.
           “Was it Zuzu?” Kiyi shouted, and I happily smiled with closed eyes, “You bet it.”
           In a matter of minutes, I cleaned myself up, patting my face dry with a towel and wiped the last drop of my cream onto my leg. My hand reached for the door, ready to step out, but I stilled for a split moment, catching a glimpse of myself once more in the mirror. A sad smile reaching my eyes knowing that I saw Zuko today, even if it were for the last time.
           As long as you’re safe, Zuko, that’s all that matters
           “Which side do you want, button?” I questioned, forcing my pitch to be higher than usual, a weak attempt to appear cheery. With my hands on my hips, I stopped at the foot of the bed, gazing over at Kiyi with tender eyes.
           Kiyi brought a finger to her lip as if thinking deeply of the question. Her cute brows scrunching up before her lighting up unexpectedly, “Where do you sleep?”          
           “On the right,” I answered, and Kiyi grinned.
           “Then I want to sleep right-” Kiyi droned before rolling underneath the blankets and stopping abruptly, “here.” I giggled at Kiyi’s silliness, taking note where this little ball of trouble decided to sleep.
           “As you wish, button.” I hummed under my breath before walking towards the left side of the bed.
           My fingers dragged along the warm covers, eyes setting over the pillow and nightstand that rested. The unfinished book Zuko had left sitting over the table, the candles still fresh and unused for the past week until today. And while Kima and Lia even dusted his side, creating the illusion as if space has been used, I swallowed back the sadness.
           I didn’t dare touch this side once, opting to curl myself into a tight ball, sticking too far right.
           But now standing here, pulling the heavy covers back had me entering a joyful trance. If I thought wearing Zuko’s shirts gave me flashbacks of pure bliss, letting my body dip into the bed, head resting along his pillow had me turning pink. It felt like home, the closest I’ve been to him for days, and if it weren’t for Kiyi’s giggle, I would’ve laid here with a goofy smile plastered on my face for hours.
           I twisted my body, pulling the blankets over us as Kiyi wiggled her way closer to my body. Her legs wrapped themselves with mine, letting my arm drape over her frame as she rested her head on my shoulder. My lips danced along with her temple, placing a sweet kiss, “So button, tell me, something. Why did you come to my bed tonight?”
           I heard Kiyi shyly huff, before mumbling softly, “Because I miss Zuko…”
           A low sigh escaped me, placing another chaste kiss over her. “He misses you too, button. I know when he gets up, he’s going to give you tons of hugs and kisses, especially after that card.” I cooed against her forehead, hand caressing her face.
           Kiyi sniffled, nodding slightly as she tugged the blankets closer to her body. I could tell based on the way her body didn’t squirm as much anymore, that sleep was starting to get the best of her. I wonder how far it is past her bedtime? Hopefully, she gets the rest she needs.
           “Yue…” Kiyi quietly spoke, her voice so low that I had to force myself to hear her properly. “Do you ever get lonely without Zuzu around?”
           My mouth opened at her question, pulling her body closer to me as I thought. I’ve never felt lonelier in my life until now.
           “Of course, Button, but guess who decided to surprise me in my bed, it’s like a cuddle party.” I chirped under my breath, trying to keep my tone down. Kiyi giggled feebly at my answer before a tiny yawn left her lips.
           I rose a brow at the adorable yawn that left her, reminding me of the cute sighs Zuko was letting go as he slept. “Is someone tired?” I whispered, and I could hear her pout.
           “No…I-I can stay up a bit longer...” Kiyi argued tiredly, but as I pulled back, I snickered under my breath.
           Kiyi’s eyes were droopy, struggling to stay open as she snuggled the teddy bear close to her chest. I let my hand brush her black locks behind her ears, carefully moving her head from my shoulder onto my pillow. Without much protests, just a tiny whine, Kiyi curled into a ball, head sinking into the cushion.
           “I love you, Yue.” She whispered sleepily, and I beamed, tucking the blankets under her chin. “I love you too, button. Thank you for always bringing a smile to my face.” I hummed, before slowly inching my way back, sitting upright for a brief moment to blow out the candles that lit the space.
           The room darkened, only the moonlight seeping through the curtain, casting shadows. But this time, the shadows – didn’t feel as scary.
           I pulled the covers over my body, settling onto my side as I let my arm drape over Kiyi’s resting figure. My heart twisted into knows, joy filling my soul, as the light from the moon cast just enough illumination for me to see the tranquil expression on Kiyi.
           My hand rose, gently caressing her chubby cheeks, her lips parting as her breathing evened out. She’s precious. Soft snores escaping her as she snuggled deeper into my hold, blankets enveloping her body.
           “Goodnight, button,” I whispered into her messy hair, my own eyes falling shut.
           I don’t want to leave. Not Kiyi, or the Gaang, Iroh or Ursa…
           But most importantly, I don’t want to leave Zuko.
           My breathing began to even out; mind spacing as my body felt heavy. Sleep beginning to consume my body, enjoying the way my muscles relaxed. How long has it been since I’ve been able to ease into such a calm state?
           Lost in the peace, the gentle sounds of the door opening, footsteps pattering was dismissed as nothing more but a dream. The current state of nirvana, mind floating, disregarding the way the blankets shifted over my body. Probably Kiyi getting comfy.
           Intuitively, I squirmed in my spot, bringing the covers closer to myself, head sinking into the pillow. A comforting warmth was spooning me from behind the further I fell into a deep sleep, as if two large arms were holding me from behind.
           I smiled softly because there wasn’t a doubt in my mind who I was dreaming of. The way their hands cupped my own – fingers rubbing my palms as their legs tangled with both mine and Kiyi’s.  
           “Zuko.” I weakly called, because the dream felt so real. As if he was right behind, his face pressed into my hair, his hot breath tickling my ear. Even his overwhelming firewood scent filled my scenes, eyes rolling to the back of my head despite my eyes shut because it was the smell of home.
           “Shh, baby. Just sleep, I got you.” I could hear him drone into my ear, my heart pounding because I could feel the way his chest rumbled from behind. It was crazy, how vivid this dream. But my body too tired, to relaxed, to move and make sure that I was in fact, dreaming, let the doubts in my mind go.
           Enjoy the dream, Yue. Your first happy dream in days.
           “Zuko…” I sighed in harmony, snuggling my body deeper into his embrace. Right away, the grip he had on my body tightened, cooing into my ear, “Yes, love?”
           “I’m…sorry. I don’t…I don’t want to go.”
           “Then don’t.” he quickly replied into my ear, a raspiness in his voice. I let out a small sniffle as I instinctively pulled his hand to my chest. “But…I…I want…you safe.”
           “I’m safe, right here, with you in my arms.”
           “I… I love you.”
           “I love you, too, Yue,” Zuko whispered once more before my mind drifted completely.
           And for the first time, in days, I slept.
           With the biggest smile on my face.
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Copyright © 2019 Mystic-Kitten-Writer, inc. all rights reserved. No reposting, modifying, or translations of any kind allowed. Thank you for your cooperation.
Disclaimer: I do not own any Avatar characters portrayed in this story besides Ying Yue Jiang, Lia, Kima, and any future creations.
❤ Buy me a coffee? ❤
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arttrampbelle · 4 years
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Tmw you make your own version of transformers because the canon one sucks and the fans suck too.
Tbh i forgot how much i loved transformers. Im slowly getting back into it. It was because of fans that put me off of it for so long and made me hate it and call it quits. Also i just hated how they were handled in both canon and fanon. Like good god it was an eyesore. Worse than dealing with anime fans. Sad to say i expect that when dealing with anime fans. Like there is certain things i truly do love. But fans especially rabid fangirls and crusty ass dudes suck the joy and fun out of it so damn much to the point i hated doing anything with transformers. I stopped getting figures. I stopped drawing,writing,creating,and left fhe whole series. I wanna get back into it. But fans make it so hard. I hated the shipping,i hated the fridging of female characters,and the treatment they got in both canon and by fans. I hate how the transformers were written half the time. I had my own verse and people often shat on it and were assholes in my dms. I sometimes got mean mugs for me self shipping. And a lot of other crap. Especially the shipping crap. I hated the shipping. Even with one fan ship i was kinda ok with. The fans made me hate it because of the constant oversaturation of it. And how they only talked bout the romance or sexual parts of the relationship. Never about anything that actually fucking mattered. Like a real story or a fic idea. Or you know THE FUCKING DAMN CYBERTRONIAN WAR OR WARS!? like the point of transformers was giant alien robots dealing with the aftermaths of war and a corrupt system society. Coming to our planet because theirs is pretty much dead beyond repair. We were put in the "aliens" shoes. And it was a very cool concept to me. But again fans lose the point of the series. Tho its mostly a toys product at the end of the day and thats all people care bout. But when someone builds actually real storytelling. People dont appreciate it. And don't care about actually dealing with topics like war,governmental corruption,children of war,etc,etc. Maybe its a tough topic. I can understand that. But that really was the point. If you aint gonna talk bout and gloss over that fact,then what the fuck are you doing with this series? Why are you a fan then? Whats the point? Other than giant robots cool. You cant do anything with that and it becomes boring and a cash grab instead of a compelling story. It loses soul and people wont like it anymore. I guess i just miss the days where i could actually fucking talk bout something with having to deal with nauseous shipping grief,mary sue ocs with the personality of wet cardboard,and actually talking bout the deep shit that these giant alien robots must have been going through. Knowing their planetand only known home to be dead,stranded on an alien planet aka earth,with us humans,having to fight even tho energy be scarce. Like there is so much more crap and yet people only care bout who fucking who(when they probably ain't doing that anyways because,hello?! they are too busy trying to fucking survive and adapt). It baffles me. Not to mention for those that wanna explore self shipping and moving away from the toxic shippers got shat on. Im one of them. I also grew as a person realizing that why the fuck should people ship canon characters when you are perfectly fine to ship yourself. Anywho i dunno if i will truly ever get back into transformers. But i do love the series. I just don't love the fans and fangirls anymore. I really dont. Talking bout it to anyone but my sister is draining. Because at least with my sibling,she understands my pain as a fan. Because she is in the same boat as me with some stuff.
Anywho. Giant robots are fun. But its better when you can work with your own shit. And not have to worry about other people.
*probably why i liked the decepticons a lot. Because yes. Us humans are fucking annoying af at times,and i am a human,and i live here*
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bloodxhands · 5 years
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survivorandalucia · 7 years
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“Well Stone boy, let the games commence.”- Amanda
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Too busy socializing and not sounding bad for once to make a long one but FUCKKKKK!
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Welp.... there goes my plan, both of the people i could control the votes of are gone.
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Jenna thought she could get me out? Ahaha, you're gonna have to try a little harder than THAT. Took me all of two hours to get an eight vote majority against you girl, maybe next time try and target somebody you can actually vote out. Catch ya later, little miss last place.
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OMG BYE JENNA! You little snake ass bitch!! *booty drop* im so happy that snake is gone! BUT NOW A TRIBE SWAP OMFG! Already this game is so crazy! Amanda is safe so bless! Im gonna bring my social game in today and try to talk to the vets and then tmw for only a little bit I don't wanna be seen as a big social threat yet or overplay anything! I made an alliance with everyone that is left an good thing i was in an alliance with all of them! But the fact that i have previously made a doc with all the info from the past players should help my tribe out! Chris stoner is a big threat he won a season and got second out! I want him out but only if somone else brings up his name! I'm so anxious now oh my lordy!
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I survived first tribal with no votes and I'm so excited. Though now we are switching tribes are im a little worried because I was in a good position and now I don't know where I stand
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OKAY SO I made an alliance with Jacob Payton and Toph and we were ready to slay the game and stuff and then we have a tribe swap which meant we lost Jacob but we decided to do a newbies alliance so that's cute 
Payton is cute and it distracts me that is all
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I am kinda alining myself with Madison just cause she won the thing at first and i think she's cute and i feel like that's gonna bite me in the butt. She's also though the only one i even remotely trust though atm.
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So we swapped and there's some good things about this tribe, thankfully. They've got an inactive, and I screamed for joy when I saw that. The fans want Willa gone, we want Willa gone, so when it comes down to numbers the fans will be scrambling and that puts me in a neato position to work with either the newbs or the veterans, and I love that gig. As for the newbies, I'm really liking Toph, Payt, & Amanda so far. I haven't talked too much with Madison off-call but Amanda and I sent memes and did some good ol' Game of Thrones chatter, Toph is a fellow atheist (which there's less of us than I'd like rip) and Payt rocks his dino onesie and seems like a fun fella. But as for the returnees, I can't say I'm fond of many of 'em. I've barely spoken with LA and Jordan M., but I do like Adrian & Chris. Hopefully I'm on decent footing here, I just gotta stay chatty and stay sunny. I'm not going anywhere, bet on that.
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JENNA WAS ROBBED also me socio-strategic icon not getting any votes except for the one i gave myself B) jk i was afk all day whoops, but this game is crazy already yikes cant wait to flop <3
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The returners are some shady motherfuckers, like seriously the first fucking challenge they backstab us, like i trust that madison didn't and i'm pretty sure jordan lied to us and maybe poteet knows.
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Surprise!
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Tribal again, rip. I'm a little worried this round.
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So, I planted the seed into the newbies alliance chat that we should get Chris out as soon as we can. I saw his games, he's a comp beast and has made FTC both times he's played. I feel like he's going to become a huge threat in the game if we don't take him out soon enough. I also feel really insecure with my newbies alliance, they haven't done anything shady, I just have a bad feeling. Thankfully, I can't get voted out this time! I love Jenna for giving me immunity. Payton wants Jordan out, but I kind of like him. He has been acting shady, but I think now is the best time to get Stone boy out. I don't think anyone will wind up listening to me, though. I told Poteet I'm debating between getting a threat out or someone annoying or someone shady and he was like "Well the other tribe isn't bad at challenges so I think we should stay strong for now." I get where he's coming from, but I have a feeling that Chris will be impossible to get out once merge hits. I'm having a (bean) dilemma right now and I just don't want to put a target on my back for mentioning Chris to any returnees. Payton told me he made an alliance with Poteet (and I think LA) and he told them to get Jordan out, so I guess we have to get him out now unless something (hopefully) changes. I'm happy though, I can remain a bit calm because in the end, I do have immunity. If something happens though and one of the newbies goes home, we're all royally fucked.
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Omg we won immunity. It was close but we did it. Aah I'm just trying to make it a day at a time I personally didn't know what the heck I was doing during the challenge Out of all the vets, I have a pretty good relationship with Daniel And I have a good relationship with the newbies So hopefully I have a really good social game going
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So, winning that challenge was AMAZING! I led Malaga to a big fat W, and I've made a group of friends doing it. I had a rocky start to this game, but I ain't going any where for a while yet, so I guess y'all are stuck with me.
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guess who has no fucking clue what's happening? it's me it's been a busy couple days and my cat died and i died inside and there is this org going on that i'm probably losing and there are new people and old people who probably know each other and there's a shea and an angry tomato in our tribe chat for some reason i'm actually so confused about life i think there was a challenge
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Hiiiii! Your fave floppy fan from the last FvF is here and is ready for his second shot at the virtual million bucks! I love everyone here, from the hosts to the people that actively tried to talk to me: Jordan Pines, Rhone, Poteet, Jake and Jordan M! But we're not on the island coming off the boats or whatever, and these twisted hosts say that we have to vote someone off from both tribes?!?! Also, noting the fact right now that I was completely oblivious that there were 22 people to begin with and not 20 AJNAJSND I HAVE BEEN A MESS SINCE THIS GAME STARTED AND I HATE IT ALREADY! So, I have been somewhat inactive in the first 24 hours of this game. Half of the returnee tribe has not responded to my add request, and I have only been talking to Jake, Rhone and Poteet a whole lot. Both Jordans are chill, but Pines is acting all fucking smug ever since it was announced that he found that immunity? Okay chill. We get that you're immune for the first tribal of the season, but most of this community knows your reputation of being a dick and asswipe, and I wasn't apart of that mindset until you demonstrated it with our short 15 minute talk. I pray we lose this first challenge so I can take you out. Day 2 and WHEWWWWW ALREADY A TRIBE SWAP? Amazing. Just amazing. Also there is a thing called "Trials of Terror" this season? But like, where is the trials part of this twist.... and how is it terrorizing? All we have for premergers is for them to hand immunity to some unsuspecting flop from either tribe, only for them to advance to the next round of gameplay? Again, terrorizing? No. Good idea to be buddy-buddy with the person who's name you are writing down tonight? ABSOLUTELY!
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So this round is a god damn mess. Payton really is trying my patience right now. First you want me and poteet to target each other. Now you want to target me. Oh hunny no you gotta try harder than that. The best part is poteet helped me in the challenge to try and get the advantage so that was his first mistake. Also Madison I see you leaking information. That's noted and wont be forgotten. I'm so ready to get votes at every tribal I attend honestly. Shower me in votes daddy.
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It is Day 4? Idk I lost count already that's so sad :( But, my new tribe lost the challenge and I'm not even too worried. The newbies are like digging their selves into a ditch and I'm just sitting back and watching the show unfold. Willa is an inactive mess. Thank god I got to see how he played in Athena ORG, cause then I would know to keep him on a leash. Amanda and Toph are like the only cool ones I had the pleasure of talking too. Madison is something. Girl, I personally think is oblivious to the fact that we swapped tribes and did not add me back until the challenge results went up, and there is Payton. Sweet lovable Payton. Dude you're  a mess, and you already fucked up saying that you have an alliance with someone by posting in the tribe chat "but don't tell anyone we're an F2"..... Typical newbies. Its hilarious to watch honestly. Literally, how people are like offering me these alliances offers is truly baffling. Because I am really at most a 6 on the activity scale at this point, and with us attending tribal tonight, they're really looking and scoping for a vote that they can use huh? But alright, I'll play dumb and go along with your plans. Just don't be shocked when its you tonight that goes home!
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So after we lost immunity I started talking to Jordan who said that Payton kept beans for himself during the challenge so of course I immediately told Payton so then we got the anti Jordan train rolling BUT WAIT now Jordan wants to work with our newbie alliance so idk how I got out of this bean mess unscathed nobody even blamed for it which offends me deeply and I would just like to say that Jordan Means rhymes with beans so he was the one that held out that is all
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I'm not agreeing with Amanda or Payton so that nobody can use my words against me but now everyone is turning against Payton who I trust so very much so I feel really torn about the vote and Ahhhh
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Looks like I'm the only newbie here that grew a pair of balls today. Jordan told me that he knows Petra and I was like "Oh shit, I have to flip this vote on my own!" So, I suggested it to the newbies alliance. Turns out, I was right for having a bad feeling about them. Payton goes to Chris and tells him that I'm throwing his name out there. This little hoe is really testing my patience huh??? I rallied up myself, Jordan, Madison, Toph, Adrian, and Willa to get Chris out. Things should go smoothly because I highly doubt he has an idol. I heard that people were also trying to get Payton out, but I brought up the point that if Payton goes he will give Chris immunity. I thoroughly believe Chris is a very smart person so I think he would throw immunity just so he can take out one of our numbers, which could wind up being me. Also, this is how I know Payton is out to get me. [3:15:32 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: hmm [3:15:37 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: just be careful [3:15:58 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: watch your back [3:16:20 PM] Amanda Sledge: okay then [3:16:23 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: look [3:16:25 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: dont be fake [3:16:28 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: dont come at me w that fake shit [3:16:29 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: ill get u out [3:16:33 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: easily [3:16:35 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: trust me [3:16:38 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: im not some fool [3:16:46 PM] Amanda Sledge: okay [3:17:35 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: just done be fake thats all [3:17:38 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: otherwise im a great guy! [3:17:43 PM] Amanda Sledge: aight lol [3:17:45 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: if u wanna come after me have some balls [3:17:48 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: say yo ur a threat [3:17:50 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: boom game done lets go versus [3:17:56 PM] Amanda Sledge: aight then [3:18:00 PM] Amanda Sledge: game on pal [3:18:09 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: this is where the fun begins [3:18:11 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: gluck [3:18:16 PM] Amanda Sledge: thank you [3:18:20 PM] Amanda Sledge: good luck to you as well [3:18:34 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: ur safe tonight [3:18:42 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: but not next round [3:18:46 PM] Amanda Sledge: yep Well Stone boy, let the games commence.
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God, I've been torn all day, but I decided to vote Payton out. Chris gave me a really good case, and I decided to listen to it. Let's hope that it will benefit me in the game! Fingers crossed. [5:24:29 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: well this is my pitch to you in regards to not voting me [5:24:33 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: I am loyal to those who help me [5:24:43 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: you came after me in a good attempt but without getting to know me [5:24:51 PM] Amanda Sledge: fair point [5:24:54 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: i don't judge that or hold it against you, I expected it coming into the game [5:25:08 PM] Amanda Sledge: my messages are gonna send later my wifi sucks sorry [5:25:10 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: im pretty loyal, I'm good at comps. i am the only winner in this game so there will be plenty of time to get me out [5:25:12 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: no worries youre good [5:25:18 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: no one will let me win twice [5:25:29 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: let alone make finals again [5:25:36 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: i got luky a second time cause i had 2 very very close friends who i knew for 6 years [5:25:46 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: this time im alone with a big red target on my back [5:26:31 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: thats the jist. im loyal to those who help me. my allies make it to the end with me. I'm strong in comps and I will always have a big target [5:26:37 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: this big move of yours will paint a target on your back [5:26:48 PM] Chris "Fabio" Stoner: and i think it benefits you to have me in the game to keep that target me and you in the shadows
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After tonight Imma just shut up for a while XD
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Dora the explorer becoming my best friend? more likely then you think 
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