#i have way too many boyfies and potential boyfies

[umemiyan]

send me an emoji (or combination of emojis) and i’ll give you a headcanon about my selfship based on it!

[hannahbanana29]

Enha - WWhen they're jealous Pt5

Sunghoon x y/n! And I found another variant of Brad, thankfully. ✨BRANDT✨ WHOOHOO! Anyway, I hope y'all are doing well, have some flowers 💐 (I picked them just for you 🤭). Requests are open as always, and sorry it took longer to post this one 😬

PARK SUNGHOON

Sunghoon is an ex - ice-skating athlete 😱

And now he's an idol 😵

Don't expect me to not make this about him dancing with you on ice...

It was like you two were doing a Disney - On - Ice tour, gliding together like Elsa and Olaf 👸😍

So, I don't know you personally... OR DO I?

But srsly, I don't know if you're good or bad at ice-skating. But either way, it didn't matter, bc your ice Prince was holding you tight in his arms

Protected from the cold, protected from potentially falling, protected from BOYS...

Or so he hoped... 😧

Sunghoon tries to spin you again, a cute smile on his face, the kind where his nose scrunched up and he throws his head back

Your arm sticks out a little, and that was when SOMEONE knocked into you 😤

Let's imagine Sunghoon was abt to say "Hey, watch it!" in an old New York accent

But he didn't get the chance as he saw you were in danger of slipping and falling and hurting yourself

NOT A SCRATCH ON HIS S/O!! 😡

However, Sunghoon didn't get the chance to catch you, as the person who almost KILLED YOU had caught and secured you in their own arms already

You look up

Hey ✨Brandt✨, what are YOU doing here????

Sunghoon was already jealous for a few reasons:

Reason No. 1, you immediately greeted this guy with a huge, pure smile.

Reason No. 2, Hoon thought HE was the only ice-skating professional you knew.

Reasom No. 3, he caught you when Hoon didn't.

Reason No. 4, ✨Brandt✨ had his arms wrapped around you.

Reason No. 5, WHY DID HE HAVE HIS ARMS WRAPPED AROUND YOU?

Boy has a death wish, and Sunghoon was more than willing to fulfil it for a moment

But he decided to observe for a moment first, just to see what was going on

"Hey! Damn, Y/N, I haven't seen you in ages." The guy said, pulling you into a hug. One that wasn't approved of by Sunghoon, your watchful boyfie

"IKR? What has it been, a year-?"

"And a half." ✨Brandt✨ finished your sentence

AWWHHH, cute right?

INCORRECT. MORE LIKE AHHHHH, STUPID RIGHT?

Hoon tries to gently grab at your waist to pull you back to him, but awkwardly doesn't know how to do so without seeming too desperate

✨Brandt✨ doesn't seem to know he was holding onto you for dead life, ffs

"And oh my god, I haven't seen you ice skate in even longer!" You bring up, and if it was anyone but you, he wouldn't have refrained from rolling his eyes

You were his sweet s/o

Read it again: HIS

That small thought process led Sunghoon to just not hesitating anymore as you two continued to conversate

This was all wrong to him 😣💔

Ice Prince just pouts a lil and glided away

He left the rink, and sat on one of the many hundreds of seats outside of the ice ring

Sulks. Literally. Pity him like a man baby

SOMEBODY GIVE HIM HIS S/O BACK.

You realise after some time that Sunghoon isn't there, and-

Oh boy

Oh deary me

Sunghoon acts tough and possessive around you, but... He secretly cannot be left alone when he misses you

It's acc not that much of a secref

SORRY HOON, IMA SPILL THE TEA

One time, you were mad at him (literally, just that one time in ur entire relationship, that's how much he hates being without you)

You didn't talk to him for, what, a day? And it was early on in your relationship, he could have been able to deal with it

SHOULD have been able to

He

He wasn't himself. 😭. Sunghoon didn't leave the house. Didn't leave the room. Didn't leave from under his duvet, didn't leave his phone. He was hopelessly waiting for your call to say you forgave him for whatever he did that was wrong

Couldn't eat, sleep, smile.

Nothing... 😔

SO YOU CAN'T LEAVE HIM ALONE FOR TOO LONG. OKAY?

You ask your friend to help you over to Sunghoon, and he leaves you two be.

You just plop in his lap, half to make him snap out of it and feel better, half because you really can't stay on skates any longer than this

You reconcile. 🎉

Both here and at home 😉

"Hoon, are you jealous?"

"Don't sound so condescending. I have EVERY reason to be."

"You look like you're gonna throw a tantrum." you deadpan

"And I will if you don't come home with me right now."

Now that's Sunghoon done with for now in this lil series. Sorry it wasn't as long or anything! If you want sumn more specific, pls request - doesn't have to be Enhypen based!

Hope you liked reading, I'll be back soon with some Sunoo 👌

Bye bye <3

[bubblepopdiaries]

AS BEAUTIFUL AS YOU, a review. (Chinese drama, 40 episodes)

"In my position, I have my own hardships. Love is not everything in my life... But in love, there is only you."  --- Han Ting

"As Beautiful As You" is a lovely tale about how a couple in the same field balances love and career despite differing perspectives and challenges.

Ji Xin and Han Ting are at a crossroads. Ji Xing is starting her own business after resigning from her job at a respected medical company. On the other hand, Han Ting had just been appointed CEO of Dongyang Medical, the most significant medical equipment company in China. Knowing and admiring Ji Xiang and her potential, Han Ting invested in her company, developing a complex personal and professional relationship. Their relationship was challenging but eventually became a testament to their love and commitment.

---------------------- WARNING: Spoiler Alerts --------------------------

Setting

The story is set in the field of medical advances, and I initially thought the backstory would be too complicated to understand. Fortunately, the drama demonstrated the need and the technical aspects of integrating AI into medical technology in an easily digestible form. For instance, Ji Xing's company re-creates tailor-made bones through 3D printing, a revolutionary technique that could potentially change the medical industry. I was surprised that I actually enjoyed learning about these possible medical advances. The director and scriptwriters did an excellent job showing this drama aspect.

On Men and Love

The beauty of Ji Xing's love story lies in the unique contrast between Zichen and Han Ting. This juxtaposition adds depth to the characters and intrigues the audience, helping them understand why Han Ting is the perfect match for Ji Xing.

Ji Xing is a passionate woman who wants to make a difference. She is willing to sacrifice and risk a comfortable office job to achieve innovation in her field.

The drama opens with Ji Xing in a relationship with Zichen, a kind and caring doctor. He prioritises her and seems to understand the demands of her job. He is a guy who will put family and relationships above his job, checking most of the boxes of an ideal boyfriend.

On the other hand, Han Ting, as CEO of Dongyang Medical, has many responsibilities. Intelligent and cunning, his work doesn't allow him to always prioritise personal relationships. He understands his role in society and China's medical advancement and has to make decisions accordingly.

On paper, Zichen may seem ideal for Ji Xing. However, Han Ting understands and supports Ji Xiang without resentment, as seen in the drama. As their fights illustrate, without giving too many spoilers, their shortcomings lead to decisions that hurt each other. And here lies the strength of their relationship. Despite not being the noblest of characters, they eventually understood each other and were willing to compromise—accepting each other's calling in life and developing a relationship around it.    

The strength of this drama is that it shows that sometimes, our ideal partner is based on our choices and the person we choose to be rather than on what society dictates. Having said that, I like that Zichen is a likeable bro instead of the usual drama formula of an evil ex-boyfriend. He is an excellent boyfie, Han Ting is just a better one for Ji Xing.

Love to Hate: Wei Qui Zi

OMG, Qui Zi is the ultimate pick-me girl. Way before there were issues between Ji Xiang and Yichen, she had been showing Yichen how much of a "girlfriend' material she is and asking questions to create conflict between Ji Xing and Yichen. "Pick me, PICK me, PICK MEEE!!!!" Yuck!!! Even when Yichen turns her down, she will still go to his place to do her pick-me routine. 

By the way, I'm not girl-hating here. As a comment I read said, when Yichaen and Ji Xing broke, he was free to date whoever he wanted. Qui Zi, supposedly still friends with Ji Xiang and part of her inner circle, should have cared about how her relationship would affect Ji Xing and their friendship. At the very least, and this is the bare minimum, she should have waited until after 6 months of relationship grieving before making the moves on Yichen and talked to Ji Xing if something was developing. Oh, and the way she put pressure on Ji Xing to attend her wedding--- so hateful. We all know it is to save her face from the possible societal backlash of being a snake. 

Ultimately, the pick-me girl got what she wanted, but it will always be with the knowledge that she is the second choice and only because she is a helpful, unpaid maid with money. 

Yes, I might have written this review to vent about the pick-me girl. But hey, we all need a bit of drama in our lives, right?

Cheers for the Girlies

One of the most endearing aspects of this story is the relatable and heartwarming friendship between Ji Xing, Lili, and Xiao Meng. Their bond, built on love, understanding, and respect, is a joy to watch and adds depth to the narrative. If I have one request, it is a need for a b?tch fest about pick-me girl.

Secondary Romances

While the secondary characters are charming, their stories, though cute, feel unnecessary and distract from the main narrative. The time invested in telling their stories made the drama feel excessively long, which might disappoint some viewers. Although it didn't deter Han Ting and Ji Xing's story, it didn't add to it either.   

Ending

I'm all for a happy ending, but it was too perfect for me. Initially, the cunning Han Ting initiated Doctor Cloud as an open source, raising my eyebrows. Then I remembered that Volvo had opened a patent for the 3-point seatbelt because saving lives is more important than profit. Okay, my bad. But to have all girls, even the pick-me girl, have their happily-ever-after endings simultaneously... not to mention how Han Ting suddenly became admirable to those who plotted against him--- Hmmmmm...

Chemistry

Good, but not great.

Acting

Great! Even the secondary characters stepped up. However, if I were to nitpick, and this is coming from a loving place, I wish Tan Song Yun (Ji Xing) had a more natural, easy-flowing laugh. Love her, by the way.

Recommendation

If you are looking for a quick, easy-to-watch, kilig romance (which I super love), this is probably not for you. The drama could have been shorter, especially if they edited the secondary characters' love story. However, if you are looking for a good, well-developed story with a strong foundation for its characters, then I highly recommend this drama. It has an interesting take on romance, love, and China's medical technology advancement.

Rating

8 to 8.5, depending on my mood-- hehe:)

(I watched it on YouTube)

[hyunverse]

ooooo that’s nice !!! currently doing my chores listening to music as well, we’re twinning how cute ^_^. kimchi ramen sounds so good rn 😩. i had our fave for breakfast, sushiiiiii!!! i got cucumber avocado bc they had no salmon and it was delishhhh. call me angel again and watch me sob <///3. you’re too cute it hurts my heart, KISSESSSS 💗💗. i rly do love your writing and the angst just hits every time. so i am very much looking forward to wtvr comes out next hehe

OMFG PLS DO ASSIGN THEM MYTHOLOGY TALES I WILL LOSE MY MINDDDDDDD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if you do it my one request will be the sirens story when the sirens lured the sailors into dying LMAO that would be so perfect w any of them. danceracha perhaps ???that’s my fave mythology tale tho 😋😋. what’s yours? i’m curious ^_^

yep yep yep you get it ! it’s too tempting. i will forever say that money does in fact buy happiness bc money provides me w everything that makes me happy so 😇. and it really is always thursday’s 😭. my mom was just being rly unkind and stuff <////3. im pretty used to it atp but for some reason everything she was saying was just like ouchhhhhh yk ?? i’m slowly getting over it tho until the next event happens lol 🙏🏼 thank you for being here for me love :((. just talking to you and reading your stuff makes me so happy. it’s nice to know someone cares about what i have to say so i rly enjoy interacting w you :)) AND skz comeback rly helps pull through LOL, i agree they’re all doing these comebacks too fast bc what about our bank accounts skz 💔💔💔

MINHO PICSSSS grrrr i adore you 😠😠. he’s so cute that just made me smile sm ily :(( but yes new rachavlog had me smiling NONSTOP through the whole video, seeing them happy and seeing chan relax for once just makes my heart full. hyunjins outfit ALONE was so bf. and him taking over the cooking and all that at the restaurant ??? HUSBAND ENERGYYYYYYYYY he is so boyfie. tempted to write hyunjin fluff lately bc he’s just so dreamy and it makes me insane 😇😇

- 🐈‍⬛ the spamming has began again pls forgive 😔🙏🏼 hugs hugs hugs

kimchi ramen always!!! either that or the buldak ramen. god i’ve been eating instant noodles daily due to the fact that it’s ramadan and the campus cafes are closed </3 on my period rn so i can’t fast hehe. maybe i shud order some real food tmr instead zzzz. sushi sounds so good rn 😭 if only there were sushi restaurants near my campus, i would order some tomorrow ☹️ but there aren’t ☹️ dislike living in a small village, i can’t cope!!!

i will call you my angel all the time then because you are indeed my angel <3 the angel-est of them all!! truly!! sneak peek: another drabble of mine will be based on the musical tick tick boom!! angst <3 again <3

wait idk the sailor myth that ure talking abt omg 💔 will look up into it 🤝 mmm lemme try assigning them myths... i feel like the tale of orpheus and eurydice gives off so much hyunjin. being deeply in love and being overtaken by despair just feels hyunjin, yk? that’s all i could think of rn T_T my fav myth is the entire the iliad story!! it’s so interesting to me. i think achilles is a very interesting character. huge angst potential too.

naw, baby :( ‘m sorry to hear that. sending u affection to compensate for the unkind words. you’re absolutely perfect the way you are, and ‘m proud of you!! thank you for merely existing, and i’m proud that you’re doing the best you could right now. you deserve so many good things ♡ i haven’t even met you or known you deeply but just by the things we’ve talked about, i can tell that you’re an incredible individual. you’re attentive, a great mood-maker, a joy to be around and kind. you make my days brighter. thank you for sticking around ♡

i’m planning to preorder for their next comeback (we are looking past my sad bank account) so ngl hopefully it’s not anytime too soon LOLLLL. maybe after eid bcs i’ll have eid money by then 😈 i’ll be free to spend money on their albums LOL.

and i adore you too, my angel!! pls write the hyune fluff i am on my knees begging 🙏 hyune fluff supremacy!! yes his outfit was so boyfriend <3 i loved seeing all of them unwind. the way jisung bowled too like he fr rolled the ball down </3 sucha jisung thing to do. i wanna go to a barbecue with hyunjin just to sit still look pretty and let him do the cooking 🧘‍♀ he looks so hubby that way. imagine going to a hotpot place with him too OHHH I’M DELUSIONAL ‼️

i adore the spamming so don’t u worry my love!!! kisses and hugs for u angel <333

[ahkaahshi]

jujutsu kaisen x off-duty looks [hcs]

characters: getou suguru, gojou satoru, chōsō, nanami kento

genre: freeform (this is just me going off on a tangent about a topic and characters I love)

warning(s): n/a

overview: an analysis of potential looks some of our fav jjk men could be servin after hours that reeks of my personal aesthetic and was fueled by this ask

notes: this should really be called jjk x runway fashion with the looks I picked lol. anyway, I'm gonna tag my fellow chōsō lover whose goth boyfie chōsō description gave me inspiration @wasabito​, my fellow fashionistas @mi-yams​ + @osamusmiya​ and my two homies I discussed my ideas with to make sure they weren't too insane @miya-whore​ + @sunascamroll. ty my loves ❤️

you are here ⭐︎ PART 2 ⭐︎ PART 3

GETOU SUGURU -> structure? who is she?

getou is a comfy king and doesn’t wanna have his movement restricted by structured garments! hell no! when he’s not murdering the general population, he’s most likely chillin in layer upon layer of long, flowing pieces that just accentuate his tall figure and make him look even more dominating tbh. since he usually dresses in all black, his looks consist of a variety of different materials/finishes just to create some surface interest because there’s not much happening in terms of colors. adds jewel tones (purples, greens, and reds) or a patterned piece to contrast the sea of darkness that is his outfit from time to time. necklaces are his go to accessories when he wants to be extra and they make him look real pretty n soft. his boots may seem simple but they’re still made for stomping. don't underestimate him since he could take a mf out without even taking a step.

featured designers/brands: yohji yamamoto, louis vuitton, berluti

GOJOU SATORU -> yes he’s actually older than nanami is!

is that a high school student? no! that’s gojou satoru! his style is youthful and somewhat playful because he wants to be hip really doesn’t take a lot of things that seriously and likes to mix up his wardrobe. while he often sticks to neutral color palettes, he does enjoy dressing up in cute pastel looks to brighten his day a bit more and make himself look like even more of a dream. another king who enjoys unrestricted movement with relaxed fits made of comfortable materials! is naturally attracted to shiny things so it’s no surprise he enjoys decking those pretty fingers of his out in rings whenever he has the chance (plus he likes the sound they make against anything he holds). completes his look with a fresh pair of sneakers that won't slow him down if he suddenly has to kick a special grade’s ass. but we all know that's no biggie for him anyway.

featured designers/brands: louis vuitton, converse, adidas

CHŌSŌ -> a techwear king

from a distance, chōsō may just look like a man who’s trying really hard to be cozy beneath all his layers. and that’s partially true! however, he piles clothes on with intent! although he’s a no frills kinda guy, he finds comfort in all the features of techwear because every one of them is ✨functional✨ you’ll never have to worry about carrying a bag again with the pocket palooza happening on his body! but seriously, the man knows how to pull off baggy clothes, that’s for sure, and he does it with the help of industrial belts or straps that make his waist look snatched and his legs look hot. since he has an affinity for the nighttime, he enjoys blending in with blacks or grays, but he’s not opposed to throwing a shock of white, yellow, red, or electric blue into his looks with an accessory or by incorporating it into one of his many layers. and, of course, he finishes off every outfit with a pair of platform combat boots since he’s always ready to throw down and wants to look good while doing it (like he has to try pfft).

featured designers/brands: louis vuitton, virgil abloh/off-white, doc martens, nike, adidas

NANAMI KENTO -> all his outfits are made of husband material

if there’s one thing nanami knows, it’s how to WORK a business look, even after hours! once he’s clocked out though, he tends to favor more relaxed silhouettes and materials, swapping his heavily structured suits for garments with just a tad more ease and drape. because of his serious and to the point personality, it often comes as a surprise that he takes his looks just as seriously and is always keen to find ways he can elevate them (which explains his luxury belt collection that he subtly flexes on everyone). he prefers warm, neutral tones such as browns, grays, and navy but isn’t opposed to adding a dash of pastels or even silky, peachy hues to complement his skin tone. dress boots are the way to go for him since they’re classy but also demand attention with the way he wears em. every time the group hangs out after work, he always gets complimented on his fits (as he should), and often has pictures taken of him by fashion photographers on the street since he looks runway ready at all times.

featured designers/brands: dior, louis vuitton, dunhill, gucci, vetements, berluti 

[vielann]

Internet love

an internet love or relationship is a relationship between people who have met online, and in many cases know each other only via the Internet.Online relationships are similar in many ways to pen pal relationships. This relationship can be romantic, platonic, or even based on business affairs. An internet relationship (or online relationship) is generally sustained for a certain amount of time before being titled a relationship, just as in-person relationships. 

The major difference here is that an internet relationship is sustained via computer or online service, and the individuals in the relationship may or may not ever meet each other in person. Otherwise, the term is quite broad and can include relationships based upon text, video, audio, or even virtual character. This relationship can be between people in different regions, different countries, different sides of the world, or even people who reside in the same area but do not communicate in person. 

Internet dating is one of the most popular ways to meet a potential person that meets your needs for your ideal relationship. For a love bases, online relationships are just ridiculous. The starting idea of internet dating was to get to know someone without knowing what they look like, to create chemistry with another person without considering looks. If you scan those sites you’ll see unrealistic looking girls or even boys as their profile picture. Even so with their personal profile, most people will create false information to suit a person that is more likely to get matches or interests. Just to get a response they’re willing to pretend to be someone else, so if they can’t even be true to there self on the internet how true to themselves are they in real life

In addition with having no consideration of who they may be talking to, most adults wouldn’t even consider the dangers of online dating, and forget they may not be talking to who they believe. With these sites that are created to meet friends and find love are even taking advantage of that to create a huge profit on these services. Teenagers also have access to sites with online chat rooms and social profile websites such as Myspace, Tagged, Twitter and Facebook. They often get lost in an illusion reality and can even give out too much information to their mysterious friend, which puts their life in danger. However, adults often become to dependant on finding a mate on online dating services that they forget often that they may not be talking to who they may think they are talking to and consider a friend. Most times a user will be highly influenced by a seemly nice person, and decide to take the next step in meeting their mysterious ‘soul mate’.

Love is finding a connection with someone in every way possible, emotional, physically, and mentally. You have to build trust with that person, something you can’t do on the internet since you’re always questioning ‘Am I really the only one they think about?’ ‘Are they talking to others just like me? Telling them everything they tell me?’ This is no way to have a healthy relationship.many people have already tried it many people have also felt trauma because of internet love or internet relationship for the reason that they tried it but I tried it too many times it also failed but I am still trying to prove that it is true it and it worked like I said before that I had many opportunities to try it so this time I won "maybe" because I met a guy in the previous app that if they call it "litmatch" I just tried to use and I met this man whose name is "carl laurence" I'm lucky somehow because I found a man with a double personality hahaha because his a mini boyfie/bestfriend I've never regretted that I met him because im the lucky one.

[namjoonchronicles]

Torches - [BTS] Boyfie!Namjoon Au

[A/N] Writing about my bias as a boyfriend/husband? Lovely tol.

He walked in as quietly as he could, trying not to wake you up. Don’t her neck hurt from sleeping like that? Look at her burying her face in the books. That’s my girl.

Why is this room so bright when she’s sleeping? Should I dim the light? Would she hate that? Did she plan to continue studying whenever she comes awake?

Namjoon shakes his head, looking at your state. Notes everywhere, even on the floor of your study room. The curtains are left open to let you know whether it’s day or night. You hardly leave the room. He didn’t remember if you’ve eaten or not. You better not be living on coffee alone.

He spoke too soon. There’s two unwashed mugs. One is empty, the other is half-filled. “She’s gonna have migraine at this rate.” He commented, picking up all the notes from the floor, carefully arranging it in his hands. “Isn’t this too much.” He was complaining on his own. Namjoon was very worried. He knew that you were desperate, but he didn’t know that you’d go to great lengths. Not eating, barely sleeping, not leaving the house. It a downright, highway to self-destruction, if he’d put it out honestly.

“Harness the great.” One of the notes you wrote. “I have to stay awake.” You wrote at the bottom of the second paper. “This is not studying. This is killing yourself.” Namjoon pinches the paper and held them up. The laptop has shut down on its own due to inactivity, and your paper bin is full of crumpled notes. Namjoon took them out for you, tying the plastic bag and placed a fresh and new set of bin for you to use.

Does she have enough pens to use? What is this laying around? A coffee candy? Seriously. Can someone die from caffeine overdose? Yes. It happens from over acceleration of heart beat, a tachycardia. A medical conditions where the heart has irregular heart patterns if tested on ECG.

What 7 years in medical school could teach Namjoon. It’s his only day off, and the hospital granted him another day because he asked for it. As one of the most aspiring surgeon, and one of the youngest, the hospital would grant him pretty much everything. Namjoon is a humble, intelligent doctor who happens to be a boyfriend to a struggling has-been student. But he believed in you more than anyone else. Even if you shake him, break him, push him, he always returns. He wore his heart on the sleeves when it comes to you. Love is an investment, anyways. Whether it becomes profitable or a huge failure, Namjoon is prepared for both. But for now, Namjoon wants to love you. His heart chose you.

Examination is in three months. It explains the mess. You’re doing the all-out session for yourself. Going back to college-entrance exams is difficult enough. You were the oldest in the bunch and by the time you’d be doing your degree, you’d be a grandma, metaphorically speaking.

You think Namjoon hasn’t talk you out of it? It was all Namjoon ever did.

Don’t have to do the degree. I’ll work, you stay home. I’ll make the money. You spend it.

But this was never about the money, was it? No. You had potentials only you could see. And after awhile, Namjoon starts to see it too. So he made you pursue your dreams. Time is just an illusion. “Just don’t go running to your younger classmates.” Namjoon warned. And you’ve been faithful. It’s very nice to have Namjoon around, a very understanding boyfriend, someone you could have fun with, who is up for cuddles at any given time of the day. Namjoon himself a smart young men, who would never understand the struggle of a mediocre class such as yourself. Namjoon looks at you and sighed inwardly, putting one knee on the floor, as he cleans up the mess you were in. “I really hope you’re not tormenting yourself.” He prayed.

His random humming finally stirred you awake in your chair and you slapped your hand to the back of your neck, easing the constant strains on them. The muscles felt sore and very stiff. Blinking your eyes a few times, you caught Namjoon standing up, turning the chair you sat in to face him. “Morning.” You mewled, hugging his arm, and nuzzling your face to his soft knitted grey sweater. It’s warm and fuzzy just like he is. “It’s actually 6pm. In the evening.” He corrected you. “What?” You were dazed. He fetches your phone from the desk and showed you the time, 6.30pm. Shit. You had to cover three chapters today. You did two yesterday, how many more left?

You started to fake cry, “...I was supposed to study chapter 3 today and now look at the time. It’s all done now, I’m finished. Now the schedules is in shreds…”

Namjoon brought your head to his stomach and rubbed it gently. “No it’s not. You need to take a break, you’ve been studying continuously, your brains needs a break.” You clawed his shirt, tugging it, “I don’t need a break I need a degree.” You cried. Namjoon sighed and backed away from you. “Remember when I tell you that, when you stress level is here,” he puts his hand on the level of his chest, “I will take you on a spontaneous vacation?”

You nodded as an answer. “Well, it’s up to here now,” Namjoon makes a bomb motion with both his hands, “...I don’t think a vacation is going to save us. We need to leave this country.” Namjoon said, in a serious tone and you bursted laughing. He tends to be over-dramatic with these things and it’s just so funny, the way he makes them, out of this world. But that’s why you love him. He makes things that seemed important, to look petty. Getting a degree is important. Studying is important. But nothing is more important than mental health. And that was something you have been struggling with, for awhile. Mental health of a student. You absorbed knowledge like a sponge but it doesn’t stay for long.

That’s why repetition is important for you.

Namjoon carries you out of the room. “The moon, the sun and the stars misses you, so you’re going to go and say hi to them.” He places your feet on the balcony and you almost fell after not walking for far too long. You glued yourself to the chair for so long, stepping was difficult. Namjoon held your arm to balance you as you approached the rail. “I want to buy groceries.” You suddenly say. And Namjoon beamed a proud smile. “We’re not eating instant noodles today.” You fisted the air, jumping, skipping on your way down the alley, much to Namjoon’s happiness. Seeing you joyfully enjoying life is feeding his soul. It’s been awhile since I saw that smile.

Making your way to the nearest convenient store, you were at awe at everything. Has this moon been this bright? Has it been this many stars all along? And when you caught Namjoon’s face shone by his cell phone screen, you smiled appreciatively. Namjoon is just texting Taehyung about how he can’t attend the dinner tonight because he had something to do. “I’m so in love with your beautiful soul.” You whispered. Namjoon perked his eyebrow, catching some of his attentions on you but wasn’t quick enough to decipher the words you just said. “What? You said something, honey?” He asked, tapping close on all the tabs of his phone. Without saying anything else, Namjoon took your wrist and loosely held your palm, lacing his fingers with yours, as you swung his hands, walking down the street.

“Do you regret being with me?” You asked. “Honestly?” He asked. You nodded. He continued, “No.”

“Handsome guys likes pretty girls. Smart guys like intelligent girls. I’m neither pretty or smart.” You hummed to yourself. Insecurities were something that has been around you for years. It was something that grew within you, through the upbringing of a highly-criticizing family members, that constantly compare your beauty, intelligence and possibility to succeed with others. It’s soul-draining and emotionally-damaging. The words of encouragement that didn’t come from the source you trusted fully. All they know is that, you’ll work hard for they want. And when you moved out of your parent’s place, things were difficult in the beginning. But solidarity brought something else out of you: peace and serenity.

This time, you study, not because of your parents, not because of the degree, but to prove to them the power of determination and the deadly feeling of vengeance. You study because of you, and that was what made the difference. Namjoon is the cherry on top.

“Do you know why I stayed around?” Namjoon started.

“Because you’re so determined. You don’t care about failing, you only know how to move forward. You think it’s easy to pick up all the pieces and try to live in a very discouraging world? You think it’s simple, to just take the criticism and all of that negativity, and turn it into a driving force? No. It’s not easy. But you were doing it. You’re doing everything I would have been frightened to do. You’re so brave. And I know I pay no credits to all that you are today, and I hope…” he pauses in his steps and waited for you to face him.

“...that I’m not too late to join the ride to your road of freaking awesomeness, my queen.” He brought your knuckles up his lip and kissed them, tenderly, closing his eyes as he does. “I am nothing but a low servant to your reign.” Namjoon depicted words from a medieval novel and just made your heart skipped a beat when he stares you down with those inviting pair of orbs. “...Did I make your heart flutter.” He perked an eyebrow at you and you slapped his chest before escaping to the convenient 24 hours store.

“Guess I did.” Namjoon grinned.

Namjoon is a torch in the dark. When everything is dark and cold, he was the only thing that’s shining and warm. Breathing in Namjoon, is like a breath of fresh air. His presence is like a missing piece inside of you, that found home. It settles and fits in, like the space is made for him. You have been waiting your whole life for someone who felt like him.

“Namjoon, thank you. For believing in me when no one else does.”

[forthelalaland]

MYX-perience

I never saw myself as a news anchor or a reporter despite what people think about my course. It is because I always have a hard time talking in front of people, when I know all eyes are on me. Yup, still that shy kid! Also, I like to express myself more through writing eh (char!). But you know, when I saw MYX, the number one music channel in the Philippines’ video that says they are looking for VJ’s, with no hesitation and so much might, I told myself that I am gonna be joining this. And yup I did! *yay*

So MYX had four Saturdays scheduled for auditions - March 18, March 25, April 1, and April 8. I would really want to go to the first screening but I wanted to prepare myself before getting there. While the second, I attended Lolo Rey and Lola Tere’s Aloha-themed party. No regrets tho! Fun time with the fam. Heart heart! And actually, I was free during April 1. However, too scared to be joked on cos April Fools and I may not know what to do. Haha! So yes, the only day left will be the 8th, the last day, where I took the chance and leaped my faith.

Unlike my feels when I first saw the commercial, feelings have shifted and I am thinking of backing out the night before. Yes, I am that nervous! But thanks to my Mama who conscienced me to go because I practiced my spiels a lot. Also to my psychometrician best friend who suggested how trying something new relieves stress and believed that I can. And most especially, to Dada who continually pushed this even if he will be my personal assistant and do almost the same things when we shoot for the Candy Correspondent thingy because duh, stage boyfie and yuh, no choice. Hashtag boyfriend duties and heart heart heart plus hahaha! But seriously, thanky everyone for I will not be able to make this without you. 💖

So the morning came and yes, I was not able to sleep well. But that’s okay! Me thinking I have people around me is already one good reason to keep going, continue fighting. Paano ko ba sisimulan? Hmm. Siguro nung I got lots of good luck before the audition. First is my mother’s kiss. Aww, right? Second is my amulet, my Dada, being at my side. Heehee. And third was when I shouted in the MRT Bridge. Ganun ako eh. Felt like I released some kaba vibes. By then, I felt fine and calmed. Pero ang kaso, pinaiwan si Dada sa labas at nagugutom ako. Ehhh, I asked through Twitter if I can bring someone inside and they said yes, but only until the audience entrance. At least, right? So I was a little unprepared for that. I thought I can still hold his hand before we go to the studio but, gotta be strong! Like what the guard said, I can do this! Because once I became a VJ, I should learn to be confident on my own skin. Also, he bought me snacks since I still gotta wait. He stayed in McDonald’s and yieee, super love! <5

I entered the building with a mixed-emotion smile and waved bye to my love. I know this is my wildest dream! Pero pagkita ko sa waiting area, alam ko dehado na ako. Aba, daming magaganda at pogi. Naka-makeup pa sila. As in, alam mo na prepared! Mukha ring mayayaman yung iba kaya naisip ko baka may koneksyon. Eh ako? Saktong mamamayan na nangangarap lang. Yet I said to myself, malay mo naman ‘di ba? You will never know unless you try! And trying is better than regretting anyway. Plus, it is all about the potential. Nakakatawa na minamaliit ko sarili ko when dapat tinutulungan ko itaas. Hahaha! Opo, di na mauulit yun. LOL! So instead, I tried to focus myself to that audition, prayed that He will guide me no matter what, and just allowed myself to be just me! :)

I guess I can say that I am an outgoing introvert but that does not make me an ambivert because my INFJ blood still reigns. Awoo, awooo! But okay, okay, I still made a friend while in the line. I knowww, Miss Congeniality! Hahaha! Her name is Pat. Actually, kasabay ko rin siya pumasok. She also thought she can bring her best friend inside. And since we have the same feels, it is us who leaned on each other. Sounds funny but true! Ate Pat made my MYX Auditions feel better. Like, it is as if I had an old friend or sister whom I met again. Yush besh, we talked about some things and we clicked! Especially when we followed each other and I saw how nice her feed is. Shoutout for Teacher Pat! xx *Suddenly thought of the friend I had while applying in McKinley then. Hello Myra!*

The audition process was easy peasy. Kuya guard will give you a number once you decided to join the search. Tambay konti. And when the MYX staff arrives, you just need to fill up the form given by them, follow the staff where they are leading you - go up somewhere I do not know what it is called but it looks like another waiting area or just lounge - and give your requirements, then wait a little and just bond with your co-VJ hopefuls until they head you to the studio.

I had great batchmates during the auditions. Why? Because we motivate each other. We even took selfies when we were still on the line. You will see that all were smiling, laughing their lungs out even if being noisy is not allowed, and you knowww, just having a good time. Besides, that is what VJ-ing, or what a job, must be about. I also made friends and we decided to be called as MYX5. Hahahahaha! Not feelingeras, just new-found friends. Hi, guys!!! :D

And so! The time everybody is waiting for - OA, it was just me who was waiting for this moment LOL - has arrived! Dugdug, dugdug, dugdug~

I was part of the second batch in this team. Punctual eh? Haha! But when we were there, we felt that the audition seemed so fast. After then, we knew there were two audition places; one in the real MYX studio with voice only and one in the dressing room where they just setup the camera and tarpaulin, plus you see the staff. I went on the latter. I thought it was a nice idea to be put there because you will be challenged not to be distracted as you the people. Of course, it would feel so nice to deliver good answers despite the fear that people might disturb your focus. Besides, that is what VJs do! Yet I realized, I wish I saw the real studio too. With the spotlight on me. I wondered if I was able to look better, do better if I were there... Okay okay, let’s skip the what if part then. Proceed to the actual audition:

So! When it is already my turn, the MYX staff put a lapel microphone in me. Geez, ito na talaga! Felt the excitement and fear in my nerves, both at the same time. At yun na nga! I entered the room and gave everybody a big smile. They only have basic questions and drills so as long as you are yourself, you can answer it with no sweat. Examples will be stating your name and the reason why you are joining the search, answering what is your favorite MYX show and who is the VJ you like, while the others are history as it differs from every person. As for me, they asked if I have a background in speaking or hosting. They also asked me the relationship of my current work to VJ-ing. And all other sorts of stuff. Well, I gotta admit that I stuttered. However, inside me, I know that I did my best. And that, that is the best feeling ever! Achievement unlocked!

The number given to me is 216. I suppose that means many dreamers have auditioned. Imagine, there are 200 other hopefuls who tried and more in the line! I am just so proud I made this MYX-perience! I will forever remember this! It was just an audition yet, this is indeed an achievement for me already as I tried to step up and leave my shell. It is not part of my nature to do such things so, congrats to you self for that! Woohoo!

For some reasons, I do not know what to feel after. A little sad because I expected to see my first love and forever crush, VJ Robi!!! Yet I did not. Huhu. But of couuurse, I felt great! Sooo great it fixed my mood after some stressful weeks! Thank God, I had the will to live again! Hearteu hearteu! I love that moment because after some time, I realized this soul has stayed to be the friendly kid she used to be. I come to believe that there can still be people whom I can cherish and will not pull me down despite the same dreams we have. I, myself, was shocked with the unbelievable choice I made because seriously, I have this fear to talk in front of people I do not know because I am too scared to be judged on, again. Hashtag trust issues with croo croo on the side. However, whenever I think of that day, my heart keeps on jumping and I feel amazing. That day freshened me and after a long time, I began to see myself again.

“I want to be the next MYX VJ. I want to be the next MYX VJ. I want to be the next MYX VJ,” that is what my head kept on saying while on the line.

I want to be the next MYX VJ. I want to be the next MYX VJ because this job seems so fun, it is as if you are not working! Because it would feel so good to be able to work with your 10-year idol crush. That is actually the first and main reason why I joined. Haha! But not kidding. Because I will be surrounded with creative people. Thus, can make me better in my field, my passion, and maybe, in my personal life. I like to win the search because imagining it makes me live a dream. Also, I think, it will be a good stepping stone to my road for being a blogger. More so, because I believe I am bound to a passion, I just have to look for it and who knows, it might be this? I really, super ka-duper ultra mega, want to be the next MYX VJ but I know, I will not. Hello? Ambisosya lang! Hahahahaha! But at least I tried. And that is something I want to impart to my readers (if there are). LOL!

Do not be afraid -- to take risks, to fall down, to be rejected, to experience failures, to try. Why? Because this is how you can chase your dreams. We have heard it a lot, that you have to be strong, patient, and gotta work hard. Because that is really it! That can really be the formula. What will happen if you do not try? Isn’t regrets much hurtful than not experiencing what you wanna do? If it leads you to the other way, no worries as it is part of the journey. Do not fret and just keep on going. Never give up on what you love! Besides, it is the in-betweens that make successful. The ups and downs, tears and smiles, all those mistakes and lessons, will help you where you should be. So my advice is to just have fun on the process, know yourself and allow your talents to grow. Maybe it is true that God has given us our destinies but hey, you can turn it around and make it better! You know Him, He makes all things possible. Prove God you are worthy and I tell you, He will take you to the best. 🙏 💖

And oh by the way! Last na ‘to promise. Hahahahaha! That picture up there happened after the audition. See the smile of someone who just joined the MYX VJ Search 2017? Add the happiness brought by my love who acted as my stage boyfriend and did not mind waiting me outside, who took pictures of me 100 times just to get the shot that I wanted and of course, dated me after because we had a celebration of life and love. Yay! 💖🎉💯