#i have trouble
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I need an au now where kevin snatches neil from andrews grasp. cuz he realises he could better for him. not sure how that would go down though
interesting au! made me think of death of a bachelor by panic! at the disco.
I don't think Kevin would ever do this in canon. However, for the sake of an AU, anything may be possible...
KEVIN DAY, who saw Neil's potential first, enamored by the way he ran across the field like his own purpose to breathe was to score the next point.
KEVIN DAY, who worked under the midnight lights to bring the stars to Neil's grasp, to put him in the way of fame's petrifying headlights for a future greater than his present.
KEVIN DAY, who started to admire the unrelenting confidence and audacity that oozed from every pore of Neil's being. Slowly, bits and pieces of Neil began to infect his own person, as if venom were dripping into his veins.
KEVIN DAY, who fought against what he wanted. But when he started to give in and flirt with the #10 player of the Palmetto State University Exy lineup, he watched Neil fall in love with someone else.
KEVIN DAY, who couldn't resist himself after changing his identity to no longer be number two, but instead be the deadliest piece in every game of chess. He knew what he was capable of, and he knew his place should be at Neil's side. The Queen and his Knight.
KEVIN DAY, who waits as long as he can. He waits until they are on the national team, representing the United States every four years in the Olympics. He and Neil are in a unique situation with the mafia; he uses this to his advantage.
KEVIN DAY, who knows that Neil would never cheat on Andrew. But he's spent so long at their sides that he knows what buttons to press to sew discord. Neil starts to falter in his games, causing panic. If he cannot play correctly, what is preventing Moriyama from taking his head?
KEVIN DAY, who steps in where Andrew cannot. He provides shelter, comfort, and lessons to regain Neil's footing. He suggests that Neil distances himself from Andrew, and Neil agrees. They get closer than they were before, closer than Neil would have allowed himself if he were still with Andrew.
KEVIN DAY, who does not resist when Neil closes the gap between them. He winds his hands around the small of Neil's back and smiles into the other man's lips.
#aftg#THIS WAS SO FUN TO WRITE#no hate to andrew#I ALWAYS MAKE IT SEEM LIKE I HATE ANDREW#I DONT#I PROMISE#i just think he's#the most unrealistic part of aftg and it frustrates me a little bit#i think too hard about everything#so when it comes to a character like andrew#i have trouble#anyway#this is silly#drama queen kevin is real#kevin day#neil josten#kevneil#daysten#andrew minyard#neildrew#andreil#andriel#all for the game
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can't believe we're all adults being forced into the club penguin level of censorship in 2024
#ramble#if you say unalive in front of me i will personally kill you with my hands#you just can't muffle and censor and hold someone's hand through some things#some things are horrible. and they should be spoken aloud and they should upset you. because they are horrible#the second we started kidzbopifying the world was the end of taking anything seriously i think#i'm not even joking i've spoken to people older than me who won't even say the world sex#this isn't the playground you're not going to get in trouble just let us say the word!!!!!!#how am i supposed to listen to you when you won't even say the thing you're supposed to be talking about#yes this is the fault of the platforms with their censorship rules but the fact that we all just go along with it like it's not dystopian#you do know it doesn't stop with cursing right. people are already having to censor queer terms because they get flagged as inappropriate
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yeehaw, baby!
#if u know me u knew this was inevitable#kon el#conner kent#tim drake#timkon#im gonna ramble after the boring tags ok#dc comics#fanart#western au#superboy#OK !!!! ITS TIME#so kon. obvs is a cowboy here#definitely a bit of a magnet for trouble but not an outlaw#still not the sort of person the son of the drake family's supposed to be talking to but yk kon's gonna try anyway#on tims end it pretty much follows the same events as the comics bc if it aint broke dont fix it#<- in terms of the whole sneaking out at night to do his own secret detective work thing at least#i have a whole silly story for the rest of it but im not gonna get into it all here lmao#but yeah i love cowboys and actual cowboy history vv much so this probably wont be the last u see of this au ദ്ദി ˉ꒳ˉ )✧#for now this post's rlly just for goofing around with design ideas#my art
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I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.
I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:
Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)
Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)
Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often
Eat dessert first
Celebrate well, and often
Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)
Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.
Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate
Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)
Walk without having a specific destination or goal
Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.
I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.
#mental health#mental health support#positivity#if anybody has ideas of their own definitely include them!#i just think being stuck with this feeling that you don't have autonomy and that you ultimately aren't an equal person or a person at all..#...in comparison to other people can be a really troubling and dangerous place to be in...#...and that isn't the person's fault for feeling that way. they didn't pluck those thoughts out of thin air...#...like i have felt that exact way all my LIFE because i have been abused for. probably 2/3s of my life...#...only within these past few years have i even FELT alive. frankly it's going to take a while to repair what i have been left with...#...so i know the feeling and i want to help others feel even a LITTLE bit alive. you deserve it...#...you deserve to take in a deep breath before slowly realizing 'oh my gd this is what it feels like to be alive' and SMILE about it#i want that for you even if it is brief. even if it is small. even if it is a whisper. i want you to feel alive#unironically getting rid of the idea of 'guilty pleasures' has made my life SO much better
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr#warm up#idk . having trouble writing rn#ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum#i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for#i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography#like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days#furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will#actually ever happen#ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum
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It’s always either or
#if they’re both wearing the same expression that’s when you know there’s trouble#both angry? yeESH#both sad? chances are I am too#both happy?…….what have theY DONE#my art#bbc merlin#merlin#arthur pendragon#merlin emrys#merthur
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Company Mandated Fancy Fits on the Tulpar 😏
Also had to include the REAL star of the show (and a bonus)
Based off of this and this. Thank you very much joetastic for being inspirational 👍
The REAL reason this is late
#just pretend I posted this like 6 days ago 😁👍#<-got distracted#sorry I’m Afflicted with The Curse and everything just takes me a long time#also right now I’m just kind of being experimental with my workflow and style right now so stuff is just naturally taking a bit longer#mouthwashing#mouthwashing fanart#anya mouthwashing#mouthwashing anya#nurse anya#curly mouthwashing#captain curly#mouthwashing curly#swansea mouthwashing#daisuke mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing#myart#anyway my new years resolution is to put more WOMEN in SUITS and MEN in DRESSES#had fun drawing this but still not too sure about the rendering style just yet. probably just gonna keep playing around with shit#IM DOING IT SCARED but im DOING IT#im also still trying to figure out how to Social Media#am i doing it right#GRAAAHHHHHHH I NEED TO BETTER UNDERSTAND FORMATTING POSTS#i have a more serious mouthwashing piece in the works but wanted to get this done first lol#honestly I have a buncha sketches I should post too#i like them but they’re not really composited very well if you catch my drift. been having trouble with sketch page layout recently#which is kind of antithetical to the idea of a sketch page but you know how it is with spaghetti#i doodled the others on the side and liked how they looked so i just put some color and basic shading on them#edit: realized i forgot to change the color of the ‘lapel’ on jims shirt lol
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here's what ur gonna do. ur gonna get a plain tshirt from anywhere. from ur closet or ur dad or the thrift store or whatever. then ur gonna go to the dollar store or whatever equivalent u have in ur country. ur gonna get fabric paint and a sponge. ur gonna go home and take a cereal box or a cover of a magazine or something similar. ur gonna draw a design on it [or words. or print out a picture and trace it onto the cardstock) and cut out a stencil. then ur gonna use the sponge to dab the paint onto the shirt using the stencil. ur gonna do that thinly in 2-3 coats until it's opaque but not too stiff. then ur gonna let it dry for 24 hours. ur gonna cover that shirt with a thin towel and press an iron against the design for 30 seconds. then ur gonna wash it & wear it. got it?
#''i wish i had xyz on a shirt'' you can!!!! you can!!!#you can also use premade stencils u can get em at craft stores if u have trouble using ur hands and cant cut stuff out [i understand]#how to#squawks
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Day 13 of Sirentober / Doctober
Epic / Love
They make me ill
Available as a print on my Etsy Shop
#doctorsiren#the odyssey#epic the musical#odysseus of ithaca#penelope of ithaca#odypen#greek mythology#digital art#my art#procreate#sirentober#sirentober 2024#doctober#doctober 2024#ody’s arms gave me so much trouble I wanted to kill him ☹️#foop told me that Penelope is apparently is the daughter of a naiad so I have her slightly pointed ears 😁#since I give the gods and such bigger pointed ears for the silly
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Someone's last crush didn't live up to the hype 😬
#yes fyodor literally called dazai by name a second ago what of it#WHY did he say it like that!! ''atsushi i'm going home to sleep come with me 😘'' WHAT#i don't even know if this should count as ship art it reads more like fyodor's obsession with dazai grasping at straws to bounce back#up next: fyodor's past flirting with natsume TRUST dazai was the also a bounceback bf#bsd#bungo stray dogs#bungou stray dogs#bsd fanart#bsd spoilers#bsd manga spoilers#bsd 119#bsd atsushi#bsd nakajima atsushi#bsd fyodor#bsd fyodor dostoyevsky#nawy's comics#i tried to get something out of this comic but i have so much trouble being funny these days i'm so dissatisfied with everything😔
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radioapple but it’s that one seinfeld meme
#radioapple#alastor#lucifer#hazbin hotel#duckiedeer#adam#lute#idk their ship name omg#my art#seinfeld#send me memes and i just might make them radioapple#i have trouble drawing the bottom of alastors coat when he’s sitting okaaaayyy
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sadie hawkman’s dance when?!
#deltarune#utdr#susie deltarune#noelle holiday#suselle#i should’ve uploaded this grainy version onto twitter but it’s ok#i am as reserved as i can be on here but trust me these two have me BOUNCING OFF THE WALLS#there is also a version where susie is smiling really hard and i had trouble finding which face i wanted to settle with#she is absolutely smitten in both though…#my art
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What he doesn't know wont hurt him.........
#narilamb#narinder#cult of the lamb#cotl#cotl narinder#my art#I was having trouble drawing the marker so a friend had the big brain idea of using a stock image#finally back home after being out of town for like a month and a half and im trying to get used to my work tablet again#its been so long#so if stuff looks weird thats why asdlfkjsd
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need to exist in your warmth (id in alt)
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#blood tw#ruporas art#love u when i get to cuddle u and love u when i get to feel ur blood soak into my hands#being this close to one another means the eternal suffering of trying to separate love and mission. love for one and love for humanity#i like to think of pre-vol8 vash as someone who struggles with his feelings for ww bc as equal and as trusted he is -#vash knows his responsibilities and he knows/expects ww wouldn't let him stray from it either. for that he can't take to any romantic incli#and i think itd make him view ww in a stricter non-personal way... If that makes ANY sense.#for ww - take someone who youv gotten close to and ended up liking more than you expected#someone who has a belief and follows it stubbornly - someone who'll get into more fights and trouble more than youv had your entire life#ww thinks of him as a monster but he knows theres a limit he himself can take - i feel like hes considered what might be the limit for vash#for Safety measures. just in case. yknow. whenever he himself might have to load the bullet < him hyping himself up as if he could do it#my point being that the thought of vash being dead crosses his mind more than he'd like. i think its a simultaneous dread drop in his stoma#for failure of the mission - but also an Ok? They can be killed? and also a disastrous gunning of his own heart. considering how much they#both live in their own heads some days are Just the worst ever for them in each others company. but also they lov each other :[ sooo much
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part 2 of the silly isat dunmeshi crossover, with angst and a recipe i made up in 2 minutes :)
Part 1 ✨
#i drew sooo many hands waadakdljsakldjsa#ive had this wip for like a month#and then i found “the brush✨”#and i finished it in a week :)#literally made the recipe in 2 minutes i know how to cook but i was having so mch trouble making something up for some reason#wanted to finish it yesterday but i played tomodachi life until 3 am woop#aight time to sleep#isat#in stars and time#isat spoilers#isat siffrin#isat odile#isat mirabelle#isat bonnie#isat loop#woa first time drawing loop#my art
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OH MY GOD I NEED TO EAT YOUR ARTSTYLE, CHEW AND COMSUME IT,
Your Jayvik art means MILLIONS to me, there's something so cozy and happy about how you draw the boys that makes me want to consume more of your art MY GOD 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
All the loves to you and your art 💜💜
Thank you so much!! Please enjoy the snack!
#🤲 I humbly offer#these silly guys have been one of my most favourites since the show aired#thank you for your kind words!!#I’m holding off on drawing any s2 content until it’s been out for a bit longer so I don’t get in trouble#but the s1 boys is also good for my soul#hope we’re all doing okay after that final act#hoo boy#my art#ask#arcane#arcane league of legends#jayce talis#arcane jayce#viktor arcane#jayvik
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