#i have to take a fourth blood test and i'm so tired

[edgeray]

Hi there!

I just finish to read the rules for Arlecchino request, and I saw no specific illness/disease, so I will try to make my situation for everyone:

I have horrible knee pain to the point I'm close to faint because of it sometimes.

But to put it more accessible to everyone what about that:

Reader hurt themself during a mission but it was an intern injury, they hide it but Arlecchino noticed how they start walking weird and many other sign.. until Reader faint from the pain? How will Arlecchino react and what would she do?

Sorry if it disobey the rules and for any grammar mistake since English is not my first language ^^ (and I'm writing this while it's 12 am where I'm from ;/ )

Thank you if you are making this request, if not I still thank you for reading it until the end :)

I Am Fine in Your Arms

(Arlecchino x GN! Reader)

A/N - Hi, there anon! If you choose to request anon again, give yourself a name/emoji 🫶! I really appreciate you pertaining to my rules; not only do I want to make my x Reader's accessible to as many people, but I also don't want to misrepresent anyone or their experiences with that illness/condition especially since I myself most likely won't have them, so thanks for the consideration. I'm assuming by ‘intern injury’ you mean ‘internal injury,’ so that's what I'm writing based off. You're not breaking any of my rules but your concern is appreciated! Don't worry about it though. Your English is good, especially since it's not your first language :). Little bit rushed because I am tired and ti's 12AM. Thank you for your request! Content warnings / info - reader goes by ‘mother’ but gn! reader, semi-graphic details about injury, this weirdly had actual plot for some reason, 1.5k words

Although the vast majority of your duties was primarily serving the House of the Hearth and the Fourth Harbinger, as a member of the Fatui, it was mandatory for the Fatui to ensure you still held loyalties to the Tsaritsa. Typically, proof of your fidelity was through completing the occasional reconnaissance mission assigned to you every couple of months though this time you were given a different type of operation: direct action, specifically, assassination. 

Assassination wasn't necessarily your forte, but it was doable. In a few weeks, you'd stop scrubbing your hands incessantly in hopes of washing away the stained blood, and you would stop receiving dreams painted in red. At least, with reconnaissance, blood and violence could be avoided. Why you were assigned this particular assassination mission when there were much more suitable candidates, you could only assume. You had an inkling it had to do with some of the other Harbingers’ grudges and suspicions of your husband, and perhaps the chink in the Knave's impenetrable armor  would be you. Failure in this mission could quickly spiral into considerable consequences for you and Arlecchino, regardless if the designation was influenced by more untrustworthy Harbingers, so you couldn't afford to fail this anyways–not with how high profile this target was. 

You return to the House of the Hearth, splatters of blood still visible on your appearance despite your best attempts of cleaning up. At your arrival, some of the children rush to greet you, only to pause as they take in your exhausated form. You give them a weak smile, bending down and extending your arms to accept their eager embraces.

“M-mother!” the children exclaim as they swarm around you, their curious and anxious minds surely brimming with many questions. You hadn't told any of the children where you've gone to for the past few days, believing that there was no need to stir up such worries when the mission was going expectedly. You were wrong, however; no mission like the one they had given you should have been done alone, and yet the only one you could depend on was yourself and your vision. It was undeniably a test for you, and you had only scraped by with your life and the mission's success. Now, all you wanted to do was collapse in bed and hibernate for several weeks, your head filled with a dense fog and senses dulling.  

“Mother, there's blood on–” Barely able to hear the statement, you shake your head, dismissing the little girl's distress. “Don't worry, dear… it's not mine.”

With some effort, you pull away from the children and you hobble your way towards the living commons, your bruised ribs impelling pained grunts from you. 

“Someone…” you pant, placing your hand over your forehead. Leaning against the nearest wall, you shut your eyes, breathing in deeply as an attempt to relieve the ache. “Someone go get your Father.” 

Multiple feet scurry away after your command, but the remaining children around you overwhelm you with their burning questions of what they can do to help, what did you need, whether or not you needed medicine, and much more that you couldn't bother processing.  Gently, you push past them, making your way to you and Arlecchino's shared bedroom. 

“I'm sorry, children, I just need to lay down in private for a little bit, okay? Then I promise that I will be up soon, and we can make cookies. How does that sound?” You say to them in an effort to quell their anxiety and it works for the younger children. The older ones, however, you can tell they still carry some distress but they nod along for your sake.

Such good children. 

You enter your bedroom and shut the door, immediately peeling away your clothes caked in blood, not even bothering to go into your adjacent bathroom. After chucking the articles in the direction of the laundry basket, you dig through the wardrobe for your much more prefered uniform, the one you wore as ‘Mother.’ By that time, the door clicks, and your husband enters.

Arlecchino wastes no time in appearing by your side, her blackened hands wrapped around your hips, and guiding you to sit on the edge of the bed. You hoped that you were able to hide your wince in time when she touched you. You know your husband far too well to know that, despite her stoic expression, she is just as worried for you, if not more, than your children. There's that small knit in her brows, and her lips are curled the slightest bit more. She had always been fiercely protective of you. 

“My love, there's blood–” she starts, but you cut her off with a chuckle. “I know, one of the children already pointed it out.”

Then, your tone hardens. There's no need to wait to let her know. “I need to tell you something.”

“You should rest.”

You shake your head. “This comes first, Arlecchino.” 

“You just came back.” 

“Peruere,” you enunciate, quickly silencing the Knave. “I am fine,” you assure her with a stern tone but fond eyes. You let out a defeated huff, resorting to wrapping your arms around her and leaning your head against her shoulder to ease her and to conceal your pained expression as your body protested the movement. 

Remaining in that position, you brief her on your mission and every single detail to it. From the process of researching and finding the opportune time to, to the actual execution of the assassinatin, which proved to be much more complicated and difficult than you were able to account for. This was due to the lack of information given to you once you were assigned. With the absence of partners and the omittance of crucial details, it is, undoubtedly, an attempt to sabotage you and cause you to fail. The two of you discussed what to do, going forward in cases like this, as well as potential suspects, their motives, and wouldbe gains. With each growing minute, Arlecchino held you tighter and you leaned in closer. 

After the conversation finished, your husband quietly held you, without uttering another sound, for around half-an-hour, the two of you indulging in one another's company. You pull away with a kiss to her forehead.

“I promised the kids I would make cookies with them. Would you like some?” 

Arlecchino knows better than to say no. She gives you a curt nod. You hum with acknowledgement to her answer, standing up from sitting on the bed. Almost instantaneously, the moment you stabilize yourself on your feet, your vision grows black and an abrupt throbbing comes to your head. You stumble forward, but catch yourself. 

“Love–”

“I'm fine. Just stood up too fast,” you gruff, staggering your way towards the door but the limp is far too obvious. You only make it a few steps before you stumble over again, nearly hitting the floor if it weren't for Arlecchino’s quick reflexes. Stabbing pain surrounds you, and paired with your fatigued state, you no longer have the energy to ignore the agony. She cradles you in her arms and you glance up at her. Your sight swims, and her appearance keeps distorting before you. Clinging onto consciousness seems to be a losing battle. 

“The cookies…”

“Forget about the cookies. You said you were fine,” Arlecchino scolded through gritted teeth, with some frustration and anger in her voice. Placing her arm underneath your back and underneath your legs, she carries you bridal-style, already rushing towards the medical bay. 

“Stay awake for me. Stay awake,” it is a harsh demand, but you know it is nothing more than a desperate plea. Your eyelids droop and you close your eyes.

Arlecchino lets out an expletive under her breath, quickening her pace as she barges into the room. The specialized doctor for the House of the Hearth is startled, but the Harbinger's intense glower tells the doctor all she needs to know. 

“Find out what is wrong with her, and fix it. Now,” the Harbinger orders, and the doctor goes into work immediately once your body is placed on the bed. 

The Knave soundlessly watches the doctor's each and every action, refusing to budge by your side. Although she knows that medical treatment is not her expertise, Arlecchino cannot help but critique her doctor in her thoughts. Not fast enough, not effective enough, not enough for her darling who could be experiencing unbearable pain now.

The doctor works until she assures the Harbinger that everything that could be done is, and that you will wake in the following morning. Arlecchino wordlessly thanks the doctor but her hand that clasps yours doesn't move for even one movement. Eventually, night falls. Climbing into the small bed, she tenderly wraps her arms around you, unable to be pulled apart from you until she knows your safety is guaranteed. Underneath her skin, seething rage boils for the coworkers who try to deprive her of her authority and power, but most of all, for causing you in this state.

The next morning, Arlecchino's eyes flutter open when she feels the warm body next to her stir. She awakens to your soft smile.

“I said I was fine, didn't I?” You greet her with a twinkle in your eyes. 

Arlecchino's heart swells.

[gtlurker]

My first ever story (and post) on this site! It's tilted inhuman and is about a girl named isabelle who do to genetic experimention is shrunken to four inches tall, it's also going to be told In multiple povs from each charater. the story can be a bit graphic and has a few mentions of suicidal thoughts so warning for that, otherwise I hope you enjoy.

Chapter one.

Isabelle

The first time I felt real hope in my life also ended up being the last.

I was nine when my father brought me and nine other kids to his lab where he and his team of seventeen scientists and three assistants researched the limits of the human body. I foolishly thought it was my parents showing an interest in something I was passionate about.

Science.

I used to love science. I loved taking the time to figure things out and learn about whatever I wanted in my own experiments, I loved picking things apart to find out how they work, and I loved the amazing feeling I got when I finally figured things out. But after i learned what it's like to be on the other end of the stick, whats its like to be picked apart for someone else to figure out how i work,

I hate science.

I pull my knees to my head as I try to conserve the very little warmth my cold cell provides. My eyes squeeze shut as the door creaks open, someone’s here. Nobody should be here, they only left two hours ago. I'm given six hours and thirty minutes of sleep every night after the experiments. Why is someone here? Please, god don't let it be another scientist wanting to play doctor with my tired body during the only break I'm allowed to have. I don't hear footsteps. It must have been the wind playing tricks on me. The familiar click of the door shutting once again gives me half an ounce of comfort as I realize I'm alone again. Everyone else is gone. I press myself against the cold metal bars of my cage and take in the room around me, the same overly clean environment that I've grown used to over the last ten years.

A sigh escapea my lips as I take in the sight of the table they use to perform their sick experiments on me, they hadn't even bothered to clean up my blood. No doubt they left it there to torture me further. The sight of my blood on the table only reminds me that I will never escape, not even death can free me from this fate. Death cannot save me if death cannot reach me. I close my eyes again and go through a mental checklist of what they haven't taken from me yet. my memories, my voice, my thoughts. My memories, my voice, my thoughts. My memories, my voice, my thoughts. I repeat in my head over and over, reminding myself that no matter what else they take, I will always have those three things, even when I wish I didn't. envy is the only thing that comes to mind when i think of the other nine kids who were here with me, partly because they don't have to live with their memories and their thoughts, and partly because they even got to die.

The first of us died of blood loss, so they altered our cells so that we don't get the luxury of bleeding out.

The second caught fire due to the actions of a careless scientist, so made it so our skin can't be burned.

The third had died from being pumped with too many drugs at once, so they made us immune to overdose.

The fourth had died of sickness, so they made us immune to that too.

The fifth had attempted an escape, so they diminished our size down to nearly nothing. He had died during the tests to see if that would work.

The sixth had suffocated herself with a pillow, so they replaced our lungs with a robotic system that produces a different type of oxygen that only our bodies could handle.

The seventh had been crushed to death, so they made our skeletons able to withstand the weight of buildings.

The eight had died of cardiac arrest, so they made our hearts fifty times stronger than any human heart should be.

The ninth had been dissected and stolen for parts.

I am the tenth. The result of how far you can push the limits of the human body, and that is only until they find a way to break me too. I glare at the pile of blankets in the corner, there covered in too much blood and grime to be even considered as usable. They refuse to wash the blankets, which we regrettably used as tourniquets to tie off our wounds back when all this first started. The smell of them used to be nauseatingly disgusting, and I almost wish I could get sick from being around them.

Maybe if I was sick theyd give me a bit of a break. I doubt it though, they would more likely find a way to make me immune to that too. I wonder how long it's been since I have had the cold or even a stomach flu. I wonder how long it will be till I get sick again. I wonder how long it will be until I die, or if I even will die. I used to think It was my right as a human being to have a proper death outside of a place like this, but would I still have a right to leave this lab if I no longer have my mortality? I shake my head as if I'm shaking off the existential crises before it can fully develop.

“Atlas, did you even bother to make a layout of the building?”

an annoyed whisper cuts through the cold silence, And a pit of dread starts to build in the bottom of my empty stomach. It wasn't just the wind. I get up too quickly in an effort to try and get a look at the intruder of the lab. This person is quiet, I haven't even heard their footsteps once since the door shut. Why are they so quiet? Could they save me? Could they hurt me? Where are they? My eyes scan the room as I try to find the ghost person that's sneaking around the room. It's better if I find them before they find me. Almost like the ghost I keep comparing them to, they've hidden themselves perfectly. Away from the sight of the four cameras in the corner of the room, and away from my view. I can't make out if there's one or two ghosts in the room with me. I heard the man say a name, but I only heard one voice. What if there's no one here at all? What if after ten years of living in agony and suffering has finally broken me?

If the ghost-man is nothing but a figment of my broken imagination, then it wouldn't hurt me to talk to him, to call out for help. It would ease the neverending loneliness that this place has instilled in my mind. But on the off chance that it is a real person they could be dangerous and here to hurt me further. Stepping away from the edge of the cage I go over the pros and cons of calling out to him. Pro, if he's fake he doesn't pose a threat. Con, if he's fake then I've truly lost it and will have know way of knowing. Pro, if they're real then they could save me. Con, if they're real they could be scientists. A sigh escapes past my lips, and at the same moment a beaker falls and shatters on the glass tile. A strong smell of bleach invades the room and the ghost man lets out a series of curses in an accent that sounds almost french. Why would my mind make him french? I shake the thought from my head almost as quickly as it forms, what's important now is that i can finally see him. He's in all black with a hood covering the upper half of his face, but I can see a small scar on the left side of his jaw. He's obviously very muscular even with his slightly baggy clothes, and is holding a pistol tightly in his left hand. Why is he armed?! I watch in paralyzed fear as the man looks up and meets my eyes. His brows furrow as confusion takes over his features, he lowers his gun to his hip and takes a cautious step towards me, I return his gesture by also taking a step back. He takes another, more curious step forward, and I again step back. We continue this back and forth until he's at the edge of my cell and I'm pressed firmly against the furthest wall of my cell.

A tense silence fills the room as we both stare at each other intently, watching, and waiting for the other person to make the first move. A chill breeze passes through the room and a shiver racks my tiny body. This man is huge next to me. I've grown used to being man handled and grabbed by scientists whenever they wanted to use me for their sick experiments, but for this ghost-man to stand in front of me and really let me take in his size, its a new form of torture that none of the scientist could even hope to come up with. What if that's what this is? The scientist sending in someone to fuck with my head when they ran ran out of ways to deystroy my body. “Que diable…” the man breaths out a sigh as his shoulders slump with what seems like defeat. What the hell does “que diable'' mean? He's definitely real if he's speaking a language I don't know. He almost seems just as and if not more confused than I am. His eyes shift to the rotten pile of blankets sitting in the corner of my cell. And I feel heat rise up my neck and dye my face a subtle shade of pink from the embarrassment of this stranger seeing me in such a disgusting state. I straighten out the threadbare dress that hangs loosely on my body, before attempting to fix out my hair. I don't know why I care about how a stranger views me, maybe it's because he's the first person who's seen me in years who wasn't actively trying to hurt me. I flinch as he raises a hand that's bigger than my whole body, and gestures to me, more specifically my height. “Are you. . . Isabelle liana?” he asks, his thick french accent breaking through the silence, and my breath hitches in my throat when he says my name. I press myself up further against the wall, the cold metal pressing against my skin. He knows my name. Why? There's not a chance he's here to do anything good if he already knows who I am. I shake my head no, lying in the hopes that he'll leave and not hurt me. “Do you know where I can find her?” he asks, and i shake my head once more, i don't think he has good enough eyesight to catch the fact that i'm trembling with fear of what he may do if he finds out that i am in fact, isabelle liana. “Why, why do you need her?” My words are rushed since I'm not sure how well my vocal cords work now since I've only been using them for screaming the last year. His eyes widen and his face shifts to one of shock and slight confusion at my sudden refound voice, and it takes him a few moments to regain his confusion. He rolls his head as he contemplates the way he could phrase things. Does he think I am a child? “Her brother hired me to find and rescue her.” he explains, shrugging his shoulders and leaning down to peer into my cell once more. I shudder under his heavy gaze, but as his words sink in, hundreds of thoughts rush through my head, one playing louder than all the rest. “Damiens okay?” I regret the words the moment they leave my mouth, and the regret buries itself deeper in me as a smile spreads across his face. “You know damien?” he asks, a playful hint to his tone,

“Yes.” i respond.

“And you're not isabelle?” he asks.

“I am not.”

“How do you know damien?” he crosses his arms and leans on his left hip. “Family ties.” I confidently replied. “Like a brother?” He raises his eyebrow. “Yes.” I cross my arms in return. “So you're isabelle?” he tries to suppress his smirk. “obviously.” fuck. I don't know if it's sleep deprivation or hunger, but this guy is starting to annoy me more than scare me. A grin plays on his lips as he chuckles quietly, I flinch at the sound and take a step back. My eyes go wide as he pulls out a small pair of dull looking scissors out of the large bag he wears on his hips, but they dont look like normal scissors. They're bigger than his hand and seem like they should be stored in a tool box.

“What is that?!” I shout, now fearing for my safety once again with this ghost man. “Chain breaker.” he replies blankly, before raising it to the lock of my cell. It moved to the far back corner, getting as far away from his chain breaker as I could. “I'm ronan, in case you were wondering.” he tells me as he swings open my cell door. I gasp, the only barrier between him and my safety easily stolen without a care in the word from him. Tears brim my waterline at the thoughts of everything he might do to me if i dont get away from him. But I can't. He's blocking the only exit with his way too big hand that is now entering my cell. Oh my god his hand is in my cell. My eyes snap shut and I put my hands up defensively. “NO!” I cry out, and a small sob escapes my throat. the warmth that's been radianting off his hand leaves my cell. And I almost want it back. Sobs rack my pathetically small body as he just watches, I bet he's just struggling to contain his amusement at seeing me like this. He was lying about knowing damien, he guessed i had a brother and this is all just one big trick set up by the scientist to torture me even more than the already have. My sobs soon turn to wails as I realize that I indeed am going to die without seeing my brother again, Ronan, if that even is his actual name was just sent here to bring false hope just so they could rip it away one last time before they finally kill me. And that's only if I still can die, they might bury me under ground and leave me there to starve or dehydrate, whichever comes first, then study the effects it has on my inhuman body. No one will reprimand these awful people for everything they've done to me and the nine others who lost their lives in this place, they'll bring in a new batch of kids and do the same to them, and all our deaths will be in vain. I flinch when I feel a finger begin to gently pat my back, and I jump away from it. “Hey, hey, calm down, stop screaming.” he says, as he puts his hands up so i can see there not doing anything to hurt me. “I already told you this but i'll tell you again, your brother, Damien Liana, hired me, Ronan Moreau, to rescue you from this place.” i shake my head no, not wanting to believe a word he's saying, this man has managed to go from terrifying, to annoying and back to terrifying, and i don't think i could trust him even if i tried. I flinch hard again when I notice that he's slowly extending his palm towards me. But it stops before it even enters my cell. “Please, I promise I'll get you out of here safely.” he says, and i wipe some of the never ending tears off my cheek. “Pinky promise?” I whisper, and he chuckles at my childish request. His hand shifts so that he's holding out his pinky finger to me. I hesitantly hold mine out as well. Because of the immense size difference we can't interlock our fingers, so we just touch the tips together. It may not seem like much, but it means alot to me that he was willing to go along with such a childish request for the sake of my comfort. This time, when he reaches out a hand for me to climb onto, I take a deep breath, and step onto the hand that's offering me the freedom that I have been praying for.

[egg-emperor]

another health update talking about blood and fainting again

went to my appointment for an ECG and blood test. ECG results were fine. but at of the end of blood getting drawn, the fainting migraine attack thing happened again. my body was like hey let's give a demonstration of what lead to these appointments in the first place since nobody has witnessed it yet

my vision started going again and I slumped in my seat so they hit an emergency button and more people ran in. it was pitch black with my eyes open, I worried I wasn't ever going to see again, it's never been gone that long. when it started to come back it was all purple and blue and patchy

my body went numb and I couldn't see or hear for a while. I'm glad I didn't fall this time so doctors didn't have to catch me, that'd be awkward. I'm glad they got the blood needed as it happened just as the draw was finishing. I kept it cool until I got my plaster but then it hit full force

I don't get the main cause of these after the fourth time now. I'm just glad it was witnessed for the first time so they have an example. and no it wasn't anxiousness or squeamishness from the blood and needle. I don't have a fear of it, I was very calm and I'm the opposite of squeamish

however it was the most blood I've had drawn at once and very slowly so maybe it was too much for my body. still guessing the other times were triggered by chronic pain getting too overwhelming. hopefully the results for the blood test can help and they can figure out my chronic pain too

a short appointment turned to it taking three hours. very tired but back home in bed, somehow it's 9 pm already but I'm comfortable and safe. just hoping this can get figured out and I won't have to keep dealing with this because man can it be scary and exhausting

but I'm okay and cuddling my softest Eggman plush again so I'm grateful 💜

[headpainmigraine]

Doing the Dysautonomia Awareness Challenge thing because I want to.

1. The type of dysautonomia you have

Pandysautonomia

2. Your diagnosis story

I noticed that I was getting lightheaded after standing for too long, and then I started feeling like I was going to faint. It was annoying but not awful, and I have my plate full with chronic migraine, so it got put on the back burner like every other issue I have that I should be dealing with but don't have the energy for.

And then I was so bad on the way to a family holiday in Malta that I needed a wheelchair to get through airport security. And then I had a fainting spell in the middle of a shop in Malta (luckily, sat down before I could fully pass out)

No idea what was going on, still having migraines, so ignored it. Brought it up with my neuro, 'hey, I've also been getting these dizzy spells?'

My current neuro, the fourth one I spoke to, is fantastic. They referred me over to every clinic imaginable because they suspected POTS, but also referred me to an ENT clinic, just in case.

ENT diagnosed me with vestibular migraine, and Persistent Postural-Perceptual Dizziness (PPPD) and gave me physio before discharging me.

Rheumatologist ruled out EDS and diagnosed fibro (the most tentative lacklustre diagnosis I've ever had)

The neurocardiologist really nailed it down though. I was supposed to have a TTT, but they did an active stand instead, and it wasn't clearly POTS, so that killed me.

THEN I had a battery of other tests (exercise test, ambulatory blood pressure, CT scan, heart scan, something else I can't remember) and my neurocardio confirmed pandysautonomia and POTS.

I challenged the diagnosis, because the active stand results had fucked with my head, and she reassured me that no, I definitely have ISSUES. The TTT is just one diagnostic tool, and the results of my other tests, plus my medical history, confirmed the diagnosis.

I also had a non-dipper profile for my BP, which is a little concerning, but I was having a 9-migraine at the time and didn't really sleep.

I'm still waiting for a gastro appointment, and to drill a little deeper on this pandysautonomia thing, but I feel like I had a pretty easy diagnosis journey comparatively (comparative to other people's journeys and my migraine journey)

My POTS is atypical because I have high blood pressure, not low - anyone else with the combination, hmu, I'd love to hear from you. It sucks having an atypical diagnosis in a 'common' illness.

3. How long it took you to get diagnosed

2-3 years, pretty quick

.

4. Your most bothersome symptom

The fucking TREMORS!

I can handle the fainting pretty well, I get the dizziness, it sucks that I can't get up and do things but I was dealing with that before the pandysautonomia got bad because of my constant refractive chronic migraines.

I went from being inactive to being inactive for more reasons, so there wasn't much difference re: impact in my life

but the TREMORS.

I can't handle them! I can't feed myself properly without weighted utensils, and even then I have to take frequent breaks while I eat because the constant shaking is tiring. It gets in the way of my typing, it makes it hard to do anything that needs even a modicum of steadiness, catching crickets for my tarantulas takes 10x longer and feels bad.

And that's just the ones in my hands! The ones in my legs make me feel like I'm wobbling about like an Ed, Edd and Eddy character. The constant shaking through my skeleton is so uncomfortable and irritating. I just sit there and shake and can't paint or draw or felt or anything. UGH.

end bitching.

[cutieboop2000]

A witch in a dissolving gang... (part 1)

I already explained the basics of Celene in Loveless Biker Boys, so it might be easier to explain her for Wild Biker Boys. Her appearance is still the same, except there's a lot more flair to the design, making it hellish to draw (if she even gets drawn by someone besides me) unless I'm proven wrong (In which I'll be overjoyed and appreciate it o:). The outfit goal is still on the whimsigothic side of things, maybe a hint of lunarpunk??

Noticeably, Celene's got a hint of night sky magic residue on her face (like night sky markings and freckles), probably because of using lunar magic and night magic for a long time. It might be a side effect of consulting in forbidden magical practices, like cosmic horror, or the advanced, dark counterpart of moon magic. In WBB, she is 29, so she's later in the 20's range (mainly by guessing the age gap in the one Dice pic from the WBB files).

Another thing is that now Dice isn't the only one with a cloak, and Celene has one too! Part of it is made with corvid feathers (which, by Luna's new moon form, becomes actual magical wings), but the rest is full of silk and hints of stardust. It's a cloak representing the night sky. Does that mean she'll overthrow Dice? ... Who knows. It can only happen when it's necessary, but she usually doesn't think about this... at least, until things really go downhill for the Loveless Biker Boys. Otherwise, her fashion is more on the mysterious, elegant, and badass side (which, like I said, would probably make it hard for her to be drawn properly compared to LBB Celene).

If WBB is about the 'worst' of someone, in this case it would be that Celene's gone coo-coo crazy, like Jeff is, except she's controlled it for the most part. She's more likely akin to a mad doctor (and maybe a 'hunter'?) even though she's still the gang's healer/medic and witch... She's gone to unethical lengths to enhance healing as well as make others suffer with dark magic and her moon magic's darker counterpart. She's also a lot more tired than usual, and it isn't just due to staying up to stargaze and check the moon. It's just pure madness from going deeper in eldritch knowledge of the night/moon and practicing unethical magic. And also... getting full knowledge of what happens, like, fourth wall or otherwise. She's become (relatively) sentient.

(CW: Blood, Violence, Body horror, Drug mention, Murder(?), Death, Necromancy, Torture, Unethical Medical Practices)

What's different with Celene's moon magic here?

New Moon: A very notable difference is that Luna is not just shadow essence anymore. She has stars to decor her entire shadow-y fur, and her eyes serve like the moon. Aesthetically speaking, a biker (or somebody else) would see a literal walking piece of the night sky should they encounter Celene as Luna at night. Another difference is that whilst in LBB, Luna did not have feathers, but in WBB, that cape Celene has grants Luna magical wings only for that form specifically. For the darker counterpart of moon magic, the New Moon is essentially the 'opposite' full moon, so she's buffed in a different way. So uhhhh... good luck with that, and my condolences, whoever gets on her bad side or her 'excitable' side.

Those unfortunate to be caught by Luna will be subject as a research experiment for those unethical magical tests involving baneful and dark magic. After all, while Celene needs to charge her magic in a unique way, now she also craves blood in addition to traditional means like rest and more. However, as a consequence, Celene would realize after putting a test subject through hell, via experimentation, 'surgery', even some body tampering (leading to body horror), she has to take a bath or a shower. She wouldn't like reeking of blood, and would rather smell like a floral bouquet of lavenders and pretend she didn't do too much of a horrible act like murder or necromancy.

In terms of the shadows, though, that's about the same. They can be used as their own weapon, they can be used for dramatics, and they can be used as part of that story choreography gig for karaokes. Celene herself can still do the glowy teeth and eyes thing too before becoming Luna, and it's still intimidating.

Waxing Moon: The waxing moon still has its principle that whatever intent Celene puts into the magic, it follows that intention. It is typically magical in nature, though it's worth adding that throughout the years, she's applied this not only in magic, but in physical combat. She improves her physical capabilities slightly by adding some of this magic with intent to a weapon, such as a scythe or a rapier. The weapon training has indeed come in handy on this department!

Full Moon: About the same. Multiple things, like speed, combat, racing, etc. get boosted, but it doesn't stack with anything else (no, not even the blue moon, which is 2 full moons in one month). Full Moon magic can also work to make weapons stronger, even more lethal, than what waxing or waning can do to boost weapons. Celene's more honest about her strength and her own limits, unlike Dice. Celene's hair, ears and tail still glow white like the moon in this form, though the small strands of white from WBB Celene's hair become black in this case. (Think black and white being the opposite colors of each other.) It can still happen on-will and with strong emotions (anger, sadness, competitiveness, etc.). However, again, the limits still apply, because having this magic be on for too long just makes her exhausted/tired as all hell. Just a reminder: Don't forget to charge your Celene's magical energy with rest, care, blood, and more!

Waning Moon: With the waning moon, it can heal, and it can also hurt. It's like vampirism that when this magic is applied to a weapon (aka, a rapier or a scythe), she could suck the life-force out of an enemy to give it to an ally for healing. It's an addition that has helped her improve and be a medical witch in more ways than one, and again, Celene's thankful for that too!

Otherwise, the healing magic is still there, and Celene tends to be very nurturing to her friends, allies, and more, caring and tending to their wellbeing/health. She's especially been really nurturing to the boss (Dice) as part of being the gang's medic as well as being genuinely concerned about his health since he took up the drugs to enhance his strength.

For the gang's enemies, however... they become the subject(s) of Celene/Luna's medical torture, and waning moon magic intends to drain them of their life. However, they may not stay truly dead forever, either! She could bring them back to life with necromancy/dark magic to rinse, repeat, and do more experiments! Part of it is to hone her magic with the appropriate target with unethical means, but the rest of it... is all in the name of medicine and research.

Bonus: Star Magic: This one is a recent ability as Celene grows and hones her lunar and night magic, however, it's not really used for combat. No, it functions like how one person would write letters, or how someone makes art on a canvas. All it takes is Celene to generate a projection of the night sky, and she'll draw on it like art or she can write messages on it. It sometimes looks like constellations, though it's different from what someone would see in the night sky when the area is clear. She mainly uses it for writing, communication, art, and musical purposes for storytelling.

[tellerluna-stories]

NOTICE OF HIATUS.

hello everyone, tis I, the fashionably chaotic owner of this blog and the author of all the fanfics to be found here! I'm sure you're all wondering what this is all about, and my head is literally splitting as I'm typing this, so let's make this quick.

actually I was only supposed to post this after I had posted the final chapter of to find a home in your heart, but due to circumstances I couldn't control I gotta do this sooner TT for the sake of transparency, here are the main reasons I'm going on hiatus!

health issues. my health (both physical and mental) has not been the greatest the past few months and especially the past few days. sadly, I can no longer maintain this blog without some sort of consequences to my health.

lack of interaction. I'm sure you all have seen other authors talking about this, so I'll spare you the long talk about it. In the first place I never even started writing for clout or for approval, but even I find it discouraging when my works barely get any traction on the algorithm, and if they do get notes it's usually just likes. but to the people who regularly reblogged and replied my stuff.... thank you. you're one of the reasons I managed to get by for this long.

now... please don't think this is a goodbye forever kind of thing. it's just an 'author needs a long loooooong break' kind of thing. maybe I'll be back sooner than later, but it all depends on those two reasons that I've stated (mostly the first one LOL I can't rlly control the second one). if we're mutuals and you'd still like to keep in touch, please don't be afraid to ask for my discord ! although heads up, I'm bad at answering messages + I get awkward if I have to be the one to message first.

and for those who are still waiting for the final chapter of to find a home in your heart.... I'll do my best to finish it because I know the struggle of finding an ongoing fic that you enjoy and then suddenly you see the big (last updated in 2011). literally the worst feeling a reader can have bro

with all that said, see you guys around! I sure wish I didn't have to post this on short notice, but it is what it is. stay safe and God bless you all!

signing off, annie.

[yearningandpatheticaboutit]

SPEAK FOR YOURSELF

CHAPTER 2: DETENTION WOES

warnings: drugs mention, poisoning, violence, cursing

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word count: 4224

YAERA'S POV

San looks like he wants to kill me. I walk into the detention room and see him leaning his head against the window, his eyes narrowing as he sees me.

"Hey, Miss Ella," I greet the teacher at the desk. She eyes me with disdain.

"What is it this time, Miss Marino?" She asks. "Stealing? Dress code violations?"

I toss a smirk at San and point. "Kissing my boyfriend over there. Apparently love is not allowed in this school."

San straightens up and glares at me, but doesn't say anything. I take a seat right beside him and hear his groan as I make himself at home.

"Oh you've found yourself a boyfriend?" Miss Ella narrows her eyes and turns to San. "Mr Choi, stay away from this girl. She's trouble is what she is."

"And he isn't?" I question with an eyebrow raise. San doesn't take kindly to my subtle jab.

"Of course not!" Miss Ella exclaims, as if I was so daring to blasphemize San's name. "Mr Choi has an exceptional record. He never misses school days, he is placed fourth out of the entire grade and has a promising future. Unlike you."

Hot, smart and a drug dealer. The plot only thickens. I turn and smirk at him again and he's already looking at me with a scrutinizing gaze, as if trying to pick me apart.

"So I don't have a promising future?" I ask her, still looking at him.

"Having rich parents will not always save you, Miss Marino. You will actually have to make something of yourself one day."

"Oh I will," I say surely. "Aren't we supposed to be quiet in this time?"

"Of course," Miss Ella huffs. "For three hours. Now be silent."

After the first hour I am sick and tired. I watch San's hands twitch and his leg bounce irritably for the hour straight. He keeps looking out the window as if he has somewhere to be, occasionally glaring at me to show his disdain. He's so handsome when he's mad that the offense simply slides down my back.

I feel my phone buzzing in my blazer pocket randomly, looking down to see my mother's name flashing. She sends me three additional text messages, making my blood run cold.

Mr Falcone wants to see you when you get back. You better not be later than eight. Do not think we will forget what you pulled today.

My stomach clenches with nausea at the sight of the name. I did not want to see that asshole ever again. I thought he went back to Milan. I thought I was free of him for the next two years.

Bile rises in my throat. I need to go somewhere else.

Miss Ella suddenly gets up from her chair, stretching obnoxiously. "I will be going to the bathroom. I'm locking you two in here so don't even think of leaving," she says and shakes her key infront of us.

San jumps from his seat. "Miss Ella, can I go to the bathroom also?" He asks with strange politeness. It distracts me from my internal hyperventilating.

Miss Ella shakes her head. "You may when I return from the bathroom, Mr Choi. But for the meanwhile watch Miss Marino. She's a classic escape case."

Miss Ella struts out and slams the door, and the sound of the lock turning makes San slam his head against the desk.

"Fuck!" He groans and shoves at the desk. "Just what I needed!"

"You have somewhere to be?" I raise an eyebrow at him. San turns his acidic glare on me.

"I have a test tomorrow for AP Chemistry," he says harshly.

"Then why aren't you studying? You have ample time and a quiet place to do it."

He tightens his jaw as I goad. "That is unless...you have somewhere else to be. Does it have to do with your pills?" I ask daringly.

San's venomous silence confirms my suspicion. I smirk.

"You have no idea what you're messing with. Stay out of my way," he threatens lowly.

"Do you make a lot of money? You're so smart. So why are you selling drugs?"

"Are you deaf?" He stalks, making sure he's towering over my desk. "Do you think this is a game?"

I stand up and step forward as well, not feeling intimidated anymore. Maybe I can win him over with my natural charm. "Let me in on your secrets. I promise I won't tell."

I hold out my pinky at him. He scoffs at it and turns around, picking up his bag and throwing it on his desk.

"I need to fucking get out of here," he mumbles. I feel a tinge of guilt for him being stuck here until seven with me. This is not the way I wanted to be noticed, but alas, we make due with our circumstances.

"You really wanna get out of here?" I ask him. He turns around, black eyes boring into me.

"I have a plan then. Just play along. As soon as she comes back, go to the bathroom and wait for me there. I know a way out of school."

He stares at me suspiciously, just in time for Miss Ella to come happily prancing in again. She eyes us pointedly, waving the pen between us.

"And what is going on here?" She questions. "Were you two about to fraternize again?"

"No, Miss. It's just I really need to go to the bathroom," San says, suddenly an upright student again. I can't even lie, I find his personality switches amusing.

"Mmm, you may go."

San quickly jogs out of the room. I walk strainedly to Miss Ella's desk, eyeing the mug of coffee on her table. "Ma'am, I think I got my period and I don't have a pad. Can you help please?"

She's immediately suspicious. "Are you serious?"

I groan and clutch my stomach. "Do you need proof? Do I have to bleed through before you stop doubting me?"

She sighs and gets up. "You better not be lying to me, Miss Marino."

Miss Ella goes to the storeroom in the classroom, leaving me with enough time to get the eyedrops from my pocket and drop about two doses in. I quickly slip the small container back into my pocket as she comes out with a pad.

She hands it to me. "Don't think I'm stupid, you'll only go to the bathroom when Mr Choi comes back."

I nod and smile. "Of course ma'am."

I return to my desk, fiddling with my fingers as I watch her gradually take sips of her coffee. It won't kill her, that I know. I'd seen assholes use it at parties and I know she'll be throwing up, stomach pains, then out like a light. Terrible but at least she wouldn't die.

I fight a smile when Miss Ella clutches her stomach and abruptly stands up.

"Oh dear," she whispers. "I think I may have had too many donuts at lunch."

"Are you alright, Miss Ella?" I frown. She groans and holds her stomach tighter.

"I-I'll be right back. Don't you go anywhere!"

She runs out of the classroom and I get up after her, strolling to the boys bathroom. All in a days work.

How do I know Choi San will be waiting there? Oh I don't. All I know is that a student that has never gotten detention doesn't know the best part of getting out of it.

He isn't waiting in the hall when I get there, so I go inside. The first thing that hits me is the disgusting smell of piss and overbearing smell of axe bodyspray. Then I see San on the phone, startled by my sudden appearance.

"Yeah, I might be a little late," he mutters into the phone. "But don't think that I won't show up. It's my due date. Meaning it's yours too."

I make an 'ooo' sound and he glares at me. Oh god, why does he have to be so handsome? After a few vague answers he puts down the phone and shoves it into his blazer pocket.

"How'd you get out?" He asks me suspiciously.

I grin and lift my eyedrops, waving it infront of him. "Just some of these. She'll be... occupied for a few hours. By the time she's finished, we'll be gone."

His eyes widen. "D-Did you spike her drink?"

I shrug. "Don't worry, it won't kill her. Gave her just enough for the diarrhoea and not the coma that comes after."

His eyes narrow at me in disgust. "You're so fucked up."

How ironic for him to say. I can bet the two of us are very similar, but I bet San won't be happy upon realizing that either.

"Says the drug dealer," I scoff. "So do you want a way out of here or not?"

San rolls his eyes and nods begrudgingly. I smile and take his arm in mine, making him narrow his gaze. This should be fun.

***

"Where are you leading me?" San asks in annoyance as I pull him across the sports field. He is so impatient, like an actual child.

"The exit," I reply boredly to annoy him further. "There's a fence we have to jump."

He sighs and I tighten my grip on his muscly bicep further. We get to the wire fence and I start to climb. San stares at me in confusion. I look down at him and nod. "You have to actually move to get over, you know?"

"Won't your skirt tear?" He questions, looking at my legs with reddened cheeks. I drop down and grin widely.

"You want to go first then?" I ask smugly. "I've done this lots of times. I'm a detention pro."

"Does that include spiking your teacher's drink?" He asks, unimpressed.

"You really don't get to have the moral highground after selling drugs, you know."

San steps closer to me and goes morbidly serious. "You can't tell anyone about that. Okay? Or shit will go down."

I smile. He thinks it's that easy. "Let's talk about it when we're over the fence."

San casts me a distrustful glance before starting to climb. He wobbles and wavers, but eventually gets over with no issue. The fence is high, so his ankles do quite the cracking when he drops. I chuckle and start to climb over.

While I'm halfway over, he checks his watch impatiently. He bounces his feet on the pavement before breaking into a run, leaving me alone when I drop.

"Hey!" I scream. That fucker!

I bolt after him, my lungs paining as my asthma starts to flare up. San is annoyingly and unnaturally fast, running through streets and jumping fences of houses like a mad man. I struggle to keep up but I don't lose his tail. That's until he disappears into a shady apartment building I have no business in.

I stop outside and groan. The sun is starting to set and I'm in an unfamiliar neighborhood. I open my phone and look at the time. Almost seven. Detention should be over in a few minutes. And I have to be home before eight.

Fuck that. I am not going home. Not while that asshole waits in my living room.

The thought of him makes my chest burn even more. I pull out my inhaler and take two puffs, backing against the wall as I take desperate breaths.

I sigh and bite my lips in frustration. If I delay going home today, this means he'll be at my home right after school tomorrow. My mother will make sure I see him. It fucking pisses me off that I can't do anything about it.

I was lucky today. San was a good distraction. But I need a permanent one. Something that gets me out of this shit for good.

Being pressed against the wall makes me go unnoticed as San comes down the stairs of the apartment building again. He's holding a crowbar and storms off in the opposite direction, completely missing me. He abandoned his blazer and is only wearing his shirt, with the sleeves rolled up.

God, forgive me for being such a whore.

I immediately follow him, creeping in a way that wouldn't allow him to see me. However it proves to be fairly easy because this guy doesn't turn his back once. He's a complete and utter determined mess, pushing through everyone in his path.

As he goes on, the neighborhood only gets shadier. Fuck. What am I actually doing? Yaera are you actually crazy?

Strange characters turn their heads as I pass by, with men whistling and staring in degrading ways. San ducks into an alley and leaves me peaking around the corner where I see him pull open a door and go inside.

I follow him against my better judgment, pulling on the door, which is surprisingly unlocked. The inside of the building is dark and only a pinch of light can be seen at the end of the hallway and it's exactly what I creep towards.

I hear voices. Frustrated voices. One of them is San's.

There is another hallway with several doors on the sides. I walk towards a partially agape door and stay outside, looking through the gap in the door hinge.

San stands around a table of four shady asian men with tattoos. There's a bag of pills on the table and my eyes widen. Holy shit, it's the same pink pills I saw this morning.

"What the fuck is this, Mao?" San spits. "You haven't gotten rid of a single thing?"

"No one wanted to buy your shit, don't blame me, kid!" The man named Mao yells back. "Tell Miss A to give better dice' or she can forget about profit."

"You really think you have a choice in this?" San asks with a deadly edge to his face. I hold my breath. "You bastard, you had fucking promised me you'd help. Your due date was today and you knew that. You owe me ten thousand."

Ten thousand—!

"L-Look, business has been slow—" Mao begins but San slams the crowbar on the table violently, making me and everyone in the room jump. I hold my hand over my mouth to stop myself from squeaking.

"I'm fucked because of you, asshole!" He screams. "I have to deliver ten thousand to my boss. You fucked up my entire schedule, you know that?"

"Then tell her to get rid of this shit!" Mao loses his temper as well, gesturing to the pills. "It's fuckin weak. The high is weak. No one wants this shit. It's below LSD so why the fuck would anyone buy it?! Not even the ordinary crackwhores get off to this!"

"You don't even have my money and yet you're talking shit—!"

"Who the fuck are you?!" Someone shouts from behind me and I jump. Before I know it my collar is grabbed and I'm tossed into the room between all the frustrated men. I knock directly into San, and his eyes grow enraged as he sees me.

What have I gotten myself into.

"Yah!" One of the Minions point to me. "She's wearing the same uniform as him!"

"Sannie, did you let yourself get followed?" Mao scoffs. "You fucking amateur!"

San is glaring holes into my skull. Everyone is staring at me like they want to kill me. The man who shoved me into the room is a big and bulky man with a cobra tattoo on his bare chest. I swallow hard and straighten.

"I'm San's girlfriend," I announce uneasily. "I was just waiting for him."

Hopefully my lie will stop them from beating my skull in. But San looks like he'll do it later either way. His hand tightens around my wrist and I fight to keep cool under the pressure.

"Why the fuck would you bring your girlfriend to this?" Mao glares at San. "You moron. Don't you care about her at all?"

San moves to open his mouth but I interrupt him. "You said you can't sell these pills right?" I question. Mao and his minions narrow their eyes at me. "I know a way to sell it."

Mao huffs. "You? You gonna find a quick way to get ten thousand dollars?"

I smirk to hide the fact that I want to sob. "I know rich girls and stronzos who would pay easy money for any drugs. Even models. Let's just say I can get rid of these bags really quickly."

The room goes silent for a moment. Mao steps up and eyes me up and down. "What's your name, girl?"

"Not important," San interjects before I can answer. "Leave her out of this."

Mao smirks. "But she said she knows a way to sell your shitty pills. I think she's very important in that case, Sannie."

"Call me Flor," I say, holding out a hand. Mao shakes it with eagerness. I need to get hand sanitizer after this.

"Well, Flor. Since you say you can help your boyfriend, do him that favour and get him off our back," Mao tells me. "He's been a pain in the fucking ass for weeks."

"Because you have a duty," San grits through his teeth.

"You're the one who swore loyalty, sǐ bàng zǐ!" Mao curses. "I didn't tell your bàba mess with those people!"

San groans and crutches his crowbar, grabbing the pills in a rage. One of Mao's minions step forward and point to me. "Hey... you look familiar."

"Do I?" I raise an eyebrow. He bends behind him and picks up a magazine, making my face pale, which was awful because I was fucking dark.

He flips to the middle and there I am on the page, in white lingerie. I turn red so fast and it takes everything for me to not throw up.

"You're a model!" Mao cooes and eyes me suggestively. My skin crawls as he raises his eyebrow at San. "Oh you can't let go of this one, Sannie. She's sure to bring you lots of profit. And remember, if you can't sell drugs, you can always make use of that body of hers!"

He fucking did not.

"Fanculo a tua madre!" I curse at him, making San pull me back by my shoulders. Mao chuckles, feigning innocence.

"Did you swear at me, sweetheart?" He asks mockingly. "Come on... it was just a joke."

"We're out of here," San snaps and grabs my arm. "Thanks for fucking nothing, dickhead."

San leads me outside, his grip on me tightening by the second. He doesn't say anything till we're outside his apartment door. Apartment two hundred and fifty, I mentally note, as he shoves me inside and tosses the bag of pills to the floor.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, huh?" He bellows. "Do you have a fucking death wish? Why did you follow me!"

My eyes are glossy from the gangsters mocking tone and San's screaming doesn't help them dry up at all. Yes, I may be an asshole but I'm a sensitive one.

"I can help you," I say, steadying my voice. "I can help you sell all these drugs for a good price. But I want ten percent of the profit. I can guarantee you we'll make a large one. Give it a month—"

"No!" San abruptly steps forward, towering over me. "Are you fucking crazy? Do you even know what you're getting into?"

"Let me in on your business," I hold my iron gaze.

"This is fun for you?" He asks me lowly, making my skin shiver. "You're a fucking rich girl model. Why do you need to meddle in my fucking life?"

Because I don't have a life of my own.

I don't say that. I don't need him using it against me. Instead I force out an arrogant laugh.

"You think this is a negotiation?" I drawl. "You're gonna let me in or you're fucked."

San scoffs, shaking his head at me in disbelief. "Oh yeah? And what proof do you have? Your word alone? I'm not fucking scared of some rich girl who's clearly bored with her own life."

I smile. He's confident in his words, too confident for someone with so much to lose. So I take out my phone.

"You're not scared of me, huh?" I mutter to myself as I pull up the video. I start playing and San's eyes narrow at the screen. "You should be."

His dark eyes start burning with rage as the video plays out and ends. He looks up at me with restrained madness, but that quickly ends when he grabs my phone from my hand. He tries to run away but I hook my hand onto his shirt and pull him back, jumping onto him as a means to get it back.

"Give it back, you asshole!" I scream. He moves against the wall, slamming me into it. The force knocks me off him, but I manage to throw a kick between his shoulder blades. San plummets to the floor, my phone crashing out of his hands and sliding across the floor.

He tries to get up to crawl after it, but I'm faster than him. I jump onto his back and slide across his floor, stealing the phone from his yearning grip and quickly stuffing it in my bra.

He lets out an enraged scream and pushes himself off the floor, bulldozing toward me again. He shoves me against the wall, locking me in with both his forearms. I fight to catch my breath, thinking he'd make another move. But all San does is heave angrily, glaring through my skull.

"This is so fucking annoying." He hisses. "Why are you doing this to me? I don't even know you!"

"I already told you what I wanted," I say, breathing hard.

"You think you know what you want, but you don't." He shakes his head at me defeatedly. "You don't know what you're getting into. I'm not going to let you blackmail me."

"I don't have to blackmail you," I say to him calmly. "It's just insurance. You could agree to this normally. We could both benefit out of this, don't you get it? I'm here to help you. I need money, and by the sound of things, you need money too."

He doesn't answer me. "Why don't you sleep on it and tell me how you feel in the morning?"

More silence. I sigh, pushing his arms away from the wall. San lets them fall hopelessly, allowing me to weave out of his trapping stance.

I take a walk and look around his apartment. It's small, with just enough space for everything that's necessary. It's surprisingly clean for a guy. I stroll around and look at his academic papers and study notes taped to the wall infront of his working desk.

"You live alone?" I ask him. More silence.

I guess he wasn't feeling talkative.

He does live alone, I eventually figure out. He has a fishtank with goldfish and two common mollys opposite his singld bed. Damn, so this would be awkward.

"Why do you need to join me?" He asks, defeated. His voice is sexy when it's so hopeless.

"I need money," I repeat distractedly.

"You have money. A lot of it," he says annoyedly. "You're at a fucking private school for gods sake."

"Money of my own," I correct. "My parents are rich. Not me."

.

"What are your conditions?" He walks up to me, stopping a few feet away. I sit down on his bed and smile.

"Do you have spare clothes? Let me sleep here for the night."

San scowls. "What? Why?"

I lean back on my elbows. "Because I live far away from here and you don't exactly have a car."

San grits his teeth. "I didn't tell you to run after me like a maniac."

"If I didn't, you wouldn't have the means to sell your drugs now would you?"

He sighs and moans tiredly. I fight myself internally for enjoying that sound.

"Fuck. Fine," he concedes. "You can sleep here. But that doesn't mean I'm agreeing to any of this."

"No rush, partner. I gave you till morning, didn't I?" I hold out my hand and grin. He ignores me and goes to another room in the apartment. Aw, I thought there was only one bed.

He comes out a few minutes later, tossing me an old band shirt and sweatpants. It lands on my head and smells like cologne. I soak up the goodness before ripping it off my hair.

"There," he mutters. "Do you have any other demands that could fuck up my life?"

"Are you going to sleep here?" I ask him innocently, tapping on the bed.

"No," he says and disappears into the other room. He comes out a few minutes again with a towel and clothes, going into another room, which I'm sure is the bathroom. I sigh and lay back into the bed and feel my muscles relax after all that running.

The water of the shower starts running, making my brain calm. Imagining San under a showerhead makes me smile. I open my phone and see five missed calls. I slide it under the pillow and close my eyes.

[goth-girlfriend]

Good evening😬or morning or whateva :D I'm going to spoil you with a Endeavor request: Endeavor having sex with his affair and she gets pregnant but is too scared to tell him because of his past and when Endeavor finds out on accident he promises to be a good father and it turns out right :) like he plays with the baby all the time and cuddles it, super fluffy 😌

Good!.....night? It’s like 1:34 in the morning.... sooooo Good! morning! (8-24-2020) To you, you lovely person, spoiling me with such a great Endeavor Request 😌

I hope your day goes well as soon as I post this! Stay hydrated! 💦💙

💙💙❤️🖤❤️💙💙❤️🖤❤️💙💙

I couldn’t fight the tears as they started to sting along my water lines, I forced my eyes closed and tried to kick my lips, they tasted like poison and rubbed. I reached out for the countertop in-front of me. Finger shaking, just slightly as I grabbed the plastic in my hand. Three of four, say positive, the fourth didn’t give me an answer. How did this happen?!

“I know how this happen, in a very pleasurable way.....because I was being an idiot four months ago!” I scolded myself after asking my self the questions.

I swallowed and looked at my phone, it was new, Enji, bought it for me when I’d lost my old one off the roof of his car. I shuffled on my seat that were the steps to my tub. I took a deep breath, “I can’t tell him, I’ll have to leave him. I don’t want my child to go through the same things his children did.”

I stood up and started pacing the bathroom, “good plan good plan.” I lied to myself.

“Maybe I should tell him? I won’t be able to do it alone....” I stopped and looked at myself in the mirror, “No! What if.”

I felt the hot streaks running down the curves of my cheeks and jaw, but it didn’t register. I clenched my jaw and forced my eyes shut, I felt queasy, and the puking began. I stood up after kneeling for like ten minutes and rushed over to my legs mirror. I rose my hoodie, and it all made sense why I’d gained weight, if you looked hard enough, you could the bulge slowly not really, but just becoming visible, I looked bloated... maybe that’s why he never realized it.... also since it’s winter I’ve been using sweaters and hoodies much to Enji’s distaste. I laughed to myself before pouting, and placing both my hands on either side of my stomach, “I’m scared....” I swallowed the taste of fear, maybe puke, “I’ve never done this... I can’t call my parents... there not in Japan....” I fidgeted and pulled my shirt down, I heard the door bell and perked up, “Oh! My Noodles are here!”

I rushed to the door wallet in hand and ready to get my dood only to come face with Enji.

“Heeeeyyyyyy,” I poked my head out the door and looked around then poured and looked up at him, “You’re not the delivery guy.”

He gave me a look that clearly stated “Are you SERIOUS?”

“Right! You should come in before my pesky neighbor sees!” I pulled him in and looked around once more, my closest neighbor was actually about a quarter mile away, but that doesn’t matter.

“Soooooo,” I turned around and licked the door, “I didn’t expect you at all.” I smiled and fidgeted with my hands feeling sick.

“I’ve come to discuss this relationship.” His words were straight, I felt a fill run through my blood and bones, if he leaves.... what am I gonna do?

“Oh,” I nodded looked down, my voice was a whisper, “I guess say what you need.”

“I can’t keep having an affair, there are rumors rising already. My image can’t be ruined like this.”

I felt my heart pick up, my breathing felt struggled.

“I see,” I didn’t look up as I made myself take a breath feeling my heartbeat in my throat, “well, if this is it, I guess I should give back the jewelry, and other expensive gifts huh?”

“No, keep them, that’s not what I’m here for.” He shook his head eyes closed.

“Alright, is there anything else you need to say? Before you go?”

“I’m getting a divorce,” the words were like a punch to the stomach, I wasn’t the one being divorced but it definitely hit, I felt it rushing up. I rushed or my bathroom and stuffed the pregnancy tests into my hoodie pocket so Enji wouldn’t see them, I clung to the toilet shoving up the seat puked letting it all out. I was met with a tug at my hair, Enji was holding it back and fumbling with a black scrunches I’d left on my sink. He sighed as he rubbed my back, he kneeled beside me rubbing my back and handing me toilet tissue to wipe my mouth a bit that burned its wya through my nose. I took it and wiped my mouth away, I dry heaved a bit, and felt myself shaking, cold, so cold. Enji kept flushing the toilet until it was all gone, he helped me to sit on the toilet, “You’re sick.”

He sighed and closed his eyes, “Don’t move from here until I get back.”

I nodded and looked down, I let out a sigh and groaned, a divorce? He’s leaving Rei? Officially? I mean, it’s good cause this won’t be so scandalous anymore, but... it’s sudden.

I tried to stand by my thighs were shaky and weak. I paced my hands into hem and felt tears, I closed my eyes and let them fall, a new heat on my cheeks wiped them away, I looked to see Enji there, hands on my face, he could definitely crush my skull, his eyes looked sad, but his face was not showing that.

“I brought you water and some medicine to help with nausea. I don’t know what this is, but let’s get you to bed, you look tired, your cheeks and eyes are red and you look weak.” He didn’t let me answer as he gave me the medicine and stood up making his way to my room outside the bathroom and I could hear him moving the blankets.

Getting it my bed Enji told my to put my hand up, I did, he pulled my hoodie off leaving me in the tank top I wore underneath. Something fell but I don’t pay attention to what, but mostly because Enji was helping me sit, even if I didn’t want to. “You’ve already order food, I’ll wait here with you until gets here.”

He took my hand squeezed and I just nodded, the tears in my eyes, I didn’t even feel them, “So sweet.”

For a minute I forgot I was pregnant, until my phone gave a buzz, I looked ya it on the nightstand. I know the chime, it was for my period tracker, I’d neglected completely four times now. Enji didn’t read my phone simply handing it to me. I thanked him and swiped away the notification, “sleep.” He said and brought his free hand to brush my hair back, I craved his warm hand in this cold moment, “If you leave wake me up.” He nodded, and I sighed and started to shuffle in the blanket.

***

“(Y/n),” I was shook awake, I blinked a few times feeling hot in the blanket I sat and pushed it back, I stood up and just as I was about to answer, back in the bathroom.

“We should take you to a doctor.” I hugged and nodded, “yeeaaahhhh.”

“Do you have one?” He asked and looked at his phone.

“No sir.” I was honest.

I heard him sigh, “Take off that shirt,” I hear him walk away followed by some clattering. I pulled off my shirt and he brought back my hoodie, “Wear this, I’m taking you to a doctor.”

He left again and started to talk on the phone, I pouted and pulled on my hoodie after taking off my shirt, “bully, I didn’t even get my lunch.”

I walked spurns my house in the socks I just pulled on looking for my shoes, “where?” I dropped to my knees looking under the sofa, “are you?” I reached aliens and felt something.

“Shoes?” I asked and pulled out some old low sneakers that I used to wear.... once, when I tried to work out.

“It’ll work.” I shrugged and started to pull them on.

“Ready?” I answered back with “YES DADDY SIR IM READY!” I heard a heavy sigh and smiled pushing myself off the floor as he walked into the room, he held up a bag, my food.

“Get in the car.” He tossed me my keys, “No driving.” I nodded and rushed to my car and got in the passenger side and turned it on. I pulled on my seat belt and sat waiting, I huffed after literally two minutes passed.

I honked then smiled seeing Enji come into the garage, I got happy, I like car rides with Enji...kinda like a dog I guess.... he handed me the plastic bag and placed a lime soda in the cup holder, “Do NOT, open it until were on the road.” I nodded and waited, until we pulled out and took the turn.

I opened my bag and found the stir fry noddles is been craving all day, “Don’t way to much, if you puke again well have to stop and clean the car.” “Okay, got it.”

I started of eat and look out the window and indulge in the noodles. I stopped a quarter way in when I felt a shuffle in my abdomen. My food was hitting on an empty stomach, and it’s showing. I covered the food up and placed it back in the bag and tried to didn’t some soda. I finished the drink by the time we pulled up to a clinc.... a women’s clinic. I cringed at the sight. “Why here?” I asked.

“I thought you’d be more comfortable with a woman for your doctor.

“Okaaaayyyy.” I prepped myself to get out, I watched Enji get out with no hesitation, I still hesitated, until he came and opened my door offering a hand. I took it and was pulled back by my seatbelt. I laughed sheepishly and I clicked it before getting help again. We walked in and surprisingly empty, I guess the parking lot gave that away though. We walked in, Enji made me sit, he went and got the paper work from the secretary, and brought it back and I started to fill it out. I smiled as I gave back to him, and he got up and took it back. He told the nurse something and she nodded with a big smile. He nodded and came back to sit by my side. I felt nervous, and didn’t fight the bouncing of my leg, I shimmied closer to his side and leaned my head on his shoulder. A few minutes passed until they called. They took blood for vitamin checks, and muscle and bone stuff, urine for some tests, something about protein and I didn’t catch the rest. They told me to sit on the bed my doctor would be here soon. Then asked if I’d like Enji in the room or not, I nodded and said yes let him stay, I kNOW WHAT THIS IS.... maybe it won’t be so bad with someone else. A few more minutes and here she came, a short plump woman with bright eyes.

“I’m here, so tell me whats happening.” She said and didn’t even look at me, just read some papers.

“Well, I’ve been queasy, and I’ve been puking most of the day-“ I was wished by a hand on my back, “This will help you.” I watched Enji reach into his pocket and pull out a ziplock I cringed at the sight, the four tests I’d stuffed in my jacket.

The doctor took it and looked at them and laughed, “Well,” she smiled and clipped them to her board, “I’ll tell them to run the urine for a test.”

“Thank you.” Enji answered and she nodded then left.

“.......sooooooo, hows the weather up there?” I said not looking up at him. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He didn’t look at me, just ahead at the wall. I looked around, “I was scared, that maybe, you wouldn’t want it or you know....your past... that you might... you know.....” The sigh he let out was depressing, I tried to look at him. I was hurt, out of every fight I’ve ever seen him in, I felt like maybe, just maybe, this would be the lowest I’d ever see him. “I-“ “No, don’t say your sorry,” his stare still on the floor, “I don’t blame you.... for thinking those things, if you want to leave with this child then you can do so. I just want you to know these few things before you make a choice.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat, it’s weird because I’m not the one who just got emotionally wounded.

“I don’t deserve to be a father again, I know it, I understand the things I’ve done are not right. It can’t easily be forgiven. The things I’ve done can last over a life time, I’m working to fix all these things, I don’t want to hurt the one I love anymore, but I can’t stand the thought of hurting innocent people. I wanted to spend what’s left of my life with you, this is sudden, and you have the decision and freedom to decide what you think is best, but I promise you, this time, I will be the best man I can for you, and for this child. I don’t want to hurt anyone, I want to be the best I can and prove that I know what it’s like to be real father, to show I know what love really is. I won’t force you to make any decisions, and I won’t force my way into its life, I only want to do this, if you do this with me.”

I nodded and swallowed, great now IM crying. I tired to reach for his hand, “Enji.” His hand squeezed mine once I held his, “I’d love to share my life and first child with you,” I sniffled, “I don’t want my first child to not know it’s dad, so please, do everything you can to be there for us.”

***

“ILL,” I grunted and squeezed the hand burning my flesh, “I promise,” I let out a deep breath, “I’ll show you pain when this is over.” I took a few labored breaths, squeezing his hand, I pulled my hand out of his and took of my new wedding ring, “hold this it’s about to hurt us both once this head starts coming out.” I hissed feeling a sharp pain and then I felt it, it felt like a poop you can’t hold it, it dropped lower and “Alright Mrs.Todoroki, it’s crowning, so just give us a nice push-“

I flexed my lower abdomen and stopped when he said, I took breath, and clenched to Enji’s hand making sure to not squeezed my lower muscles in pain to avoid excessive bruising, “1...2...3... and push.”

I pushed again feeling pressure leaving my inside and pouring out of me, “Breathe,” the Doctor said and she looked up at me, “Someone has definitely been doing their workouts, this is going very quick and smooth.” She disappeared behind my legs and said “Last one,” a paused that felt like an hour, “Push-“ crying filled the room, “It’s a boy! Congratulations! Would you like to cut the umbilical cord Mr.Todoroki?” I let go of his hand but he hesitated, I nodded at him with a smile, the blood drained from him when he saw what everything looked like down there, he took the scissors and quickly cut before coming back to my side, “Placenta is coming.” She sis do felt another wave of pressure leaving me stomach, and I heard a wet plop, and a metallic sound. I shivered but quickly recovered when my necked son was placed on my now bear chest, I held him close and cried, he was a bit bloody still but I was so happy. The tears started falling as I hugged his gently and kissed his head of already bright red hair. “Precious, boy.” I said and gen’s got tried to rub some stuff off his face, he quickly attached to my breast and started to suckle,t tears didn’t stop as I looked up at Enji, he was wiping his own eyes.

“Have you thought of any names? Or should we wait a while?” The doctors said replacing her gloves and smock. “Well,” I looked up at Enji, “Things worked out, so? How about it?”

The doctor looked between us and Enji took the pen and notepad a nurse was holding, he wrote down the name and they nodded and took it, “Well then, I’ll leave you two with him a while longer until your pain has subsided and then we’ll take him to be weighed, and a few other things.”

We nodded and she smiled, “Congratulations, to the both of you.” Once more, after he stopped suckling I handed him to Enji and pulled my gown up, Enji seemed so scared, the baby WASNT small, he had rolls already, and they’re beautiful, but in Enji’s hands, he’s so small. “Hello,” he whispered and tried to cradle it ashore his chest on his forearm, it’s head resting against his bicep and pec. He brought his free hand to cover its torso and side, “I’m your father, I won’t ever leave you, I won’t ever hurt you, I never want to lose you, I’ll be with you always.” Call the hormone imbalance and recent loss of my child, but I was crying, I covered my face with my hands wiping the tears away, so cute.

***

“Enji?” I peeked into my room, nothing, “Enji?” Nothing was in the babies room, “Enji-“ there he was ok his back, on the floor, baby held up in the air, in his hands. The baby was laughing and flailing his arms and kicking. It was cute, I’d bought him an endeavor themed baby onesie, and Enji was wearing his hero costume without the armor. I stayed quiet watching as he stood up, and held the baby up to his shoulder, the baby placing a fist and his cheek on his shoulder, his eyes closed as Enji held him close. “I promise, I’ll never leave you.”

***

“where is he?!” I panicked and looked for my son, who just disappeared. I ran around the house and panic rose through the round when I heard gurgling don’t DROWN PELASE DONT DROWN BABY! Bursting into the master room fight or flight on high I felt stupid seeing Enji sleeping on his back arm circled around and pulling into his side the bundle of fire and Todoroki I was panicking for. The baby cooed moving closer to Enji, I sighed, my adrenaline wearing down, it was cute, especially when Enji turned to his side to hug our son to his chest, and mumbled out, “I’ll become someone you’ll be proud of, someone you can count on always.”

🤍🤍💙❤️💙🤍🖤🤍💙❤️💙🤍🤍

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[gloomyhearts]

Always by your side || Luke Patterson

Chapter two ~ just look up the sky

people grow together through darkness. does this band will make it without their most important human being.

After years will everything keep the same?

Luke patterson x oc

January 1995

Sabrina came home from school and was on her way to the garage where her favourite human beings have rehearsal before playing at the club the next day. The chords of 'now or never' blasting all the way to the front street. Jumping from her board she ran up the driveway, stopping at the door to catch her breath.

She threw the doors opened as she stepped in.

"Welcome stranger" Luke laid his free arm around her shoulders pulling her in the middle of the room.

"I don't want to push your ego but you're guys becoming better everyday," she pushed Luke's arm away when Alex glanced at them. Sending him an apologetic look.

"Thank you Brie" Reggie sending her a warm smile.

"Just the truth Reg" mirroring his smile she walked over to the couch and sat down. "What songs are you playing tomorrow?" She lay down her hands resting on her stomach. She twisted the ring Luke gifted her last year.

"Now and never is an essential. And then we will see, how's the public, their vibes and so," Bobby explains. Sabrina wasn't a fan of the fourth member to the fact that he's trying to steal Luke the show always ripping his lyrics saying negative words about them and his said words aren't any help either.

"Now or never is a hit boys I really like it"

"You just say that because you're my sister," Alex insisted.

"That's bullshit," she retorted.

"But just try 'Welcome home,'" Sabrina suggests.

"But there's a piano part," Luke remarked.

"Don't mind me sitting down here," Sabrina points to the keyboard and sat behind it.

She began to play the beginning chords as Alex softly hit on his drum.

Feeling high always chasing the light.

Calming down when everything's loud.

Adrenaline rushing through my body,

My heart beats for moment like these.

Luke plucks his guitar farster, the drums getting louder and the boys began to scream.

In the dark

We're jamming from our hearts

No regrets

Blood rushing through my head

Welcome home

Always grateful for you

The cheers

Echoing through my head

The keyboard was facing the band giving Sabrina the chance to study their emotions. Luke's eyes always laying on her even as he's walking between the other two guitarist.

Hours to go but always thinking 'bout you

Seeing you in the crowd

Brings ache to my heart.

But this band's like homeee.

Sabrina sung quietly in background every word of the lyric when her favorite passage was to come.

Some chase the fame and lose themselves

But with you I'm being grounded

Flying high and blasting through the sky

Would never feel the same without you

Their eyes glaring at her when she was the only one singing this phrase, the boys astonished by her voice froze in tracks. Her eyes narrowed to keep on playing their instruments.

Seconds later the music started again.

Welcome home

Always grateful for you

The cheers

Echoing through my heart

Welcome home

Always grateful for you

The cheers

Echoing through my heart

The chords slowly dying as Alex hit his ride a last time.

"This was spectacular" he jumped in front of his drums.

"This is.. Will you have to join the band" his hands now resting on her upper arms, shaking Sabrina lightly.

Shaking her head she just laughed. "You know I wouldn't, Lexi" she began to thickle his abdomen as he removes his hands.

Reggie agrees to Alex nodding his head steady.

"Think about it Brina" Luke spoke smirking.

"I'll think about it" the corner of his mouth turned up. He stretched his hand in front of her as she grabbed it he squeezed it slightly.

He dragged her closer by shoving his arm to his body, he leans down to her and whispers. "You smell nice today" her cheeks turning red as turned away to cover her up. Alex observes it critical.

"I've got to go. Don't stay up too late," she calls after the group. She waves to the boys when she walked out of the door Luke hold open.

Skateboarding down the main street the sky a mild orange and yellow as the sun; already dotted with stars. Sabrina was almost in her friend's street as a jolt threw her down her board she even flew a few yards; hitting the ground with a loud thud and sliding a bit more. Her skin now cluttered with abrasions on her left side. She pressed on her upper arm trying to stop the blood

The blonde girl lay on the cold pavement surrounded by tourists and pedestrians. Eyes glaring on her staring at her wounds, some chatters whereas she couldn't understand it.

In the distance she heard sirens over her loud sobbing; a wave of relief and hope floating through her tired body.

She was lifted into the ambulance and they start to drive to the hospital.

At the arrival of the car they rushed to the emergencyroom. Shifting her into a bed before taking her to the tests.

The first nurse pushing a needled for the IV into her hand when she saw her naked hand sadness overcame her.

"The..the ring" she stutters.

"There was no ring" the paramedic explained dry and shrugged his shoulders. She lost her consciousness right after.

A steady beeping was the only noise in the room. Her body covered with wires plugged into machines for her vitals. A nurse entered as she saw Sabrina opens her eyes.

"Hello dear. Great to see you. So what's your name?" she sat down next to the bed.

"Brie" she struggles to breath.

"Slow. Take your time," the nurse soothed. Sabrina's hand slightly shakes as she tries to imply. "You wanna write?" The blonde just nodded.

Writing has always helped me.

"There you go"she handed her paper and a pen.

Sabrina Willow Mercer. It wasn't her best writing but readable.

"Got this." The nurse grabbed the paper and left.

She left her three empty papers, so she began to write with all the power she has left.

Minutes later the woman came back reassuring she reached someone at home. A single tear escape her eyes as she quietly sobs. What if this are here last breaths and no one of her family was here she'd do everything to hear their voices one last time. She remembers the rehearsal hours ago.

"Your mom said she is on her way after calling your dad and collecting your brother." Laying her hand on Sabrina's arm her thumb rubbing an unscathed spot. The girl in the bed mouthed a 'thanks'.

What felt like hours of waiting her mother and the blonde boy ran into her room.

"Baby" her mom threw her body down next to the bed grabbing her hand.

"Will" Alex stumbled towards the bed reddish eyes staring at her.

"She's going to be alright, right?" He turned to the nurse.

"That's not mine remit sir" she left.

Alex softly moving next to her in the bed. "We'll make it. We always do" he pressed a kiss on her temple pulling her into his side.

Their mother started whimpering remembering what the nurse told on the phone. She gave Brian's hand a small kiss holding it near to her heart. Alex was this situation suspicious. He sniffed her scent in; the ocean breeze.

"Lex.." Sabrina's voice broke halfway.

"Psst. Let me hold you" he pressed her tighter into his side.

The girl hold the letters over to him. "When I... when I die.." the siblings whimpered in sync.

"These are for you, mom and dad and Luke" his name gave him a flashback to Luke's reaction as Alex rushed out of the garage running towards their car and leaving without a word. Luke didn't moved since then.

"Call him" she pointed towards the door giving him a resuring smile.

Minutes past when Alex walked back in. "He's coming" he took his spot again laying his arm around her shoulder.

"You sure about this?" He raised the letters and she nodded.

The shaggy haired boy arrived as Sabrina was sleeping in Alex arms. "She's alright right?" He questioned and the blonde boy shakes his head much to his dislike.

"I talked to the doctor they gave her maximally a week" his thumb brushes the tears away. "If they find a donor.." he sobbed thinking about a life without this sunshine.

"That's not true. It can't. She's so young" Luke's body fell into the chair. The Mercer mom left an hour ago.

Luke intertwined their fingers bringing her hand up to his forehead. He felt a light pressure on his hand and looked up at Sabrina. A small smile on her lips. "Hey gorgeous" he didn't cared if Alex was still with them.

"You're going to be alright. We'll find a way Brina," Luke whispers, his voice shaking.

The next day Sabrina woke up to two boys sleeping with their heads on her bed, quiet snorts escaping their mouths.

She wanted to let them sleep they need it. Flashbacks from last night crashing onto her.

The boys refused to play tonight but she insisted that's their chance, there always managers who could sign them.

'Just let it go',

'we're not leaving you here, alone.'

'don't let this chance die because of me' she retorted. As she mentions the word 'die' the time stand still, the air around them getting cold, their eyes not daring to look at her.

"Morning Will" Alex greets, his voice just above a whisper; his hand sliding through his hair trying to smooth it.

"Hey" she tried to smile.

"How are you feeling?"

"Greatest I've ever been" she sarcastically said, rolling her eyes.

The siblings laughed the first time since the whole accident. Luke awoke to them laughing and his muscles eased a bit. Seeing them relieved, laughing, this gives him hope, hope she'll survive this.

"Morning there sweetie" Alex says towards Luke who rubbed his eyes in the process of waking up.

"Morning" he yawns and stretched his arms up.

"I'm getting breakfast any wishes?" Alex stands up and began to sneak to the door.

"Pancakes" his sister calls after him.

"We're not in a hotel" he shakes his head in disbelief. The three of them erupting in laughter.

"A coffee, please" Luke adds.

Alex was out the door so Luke took the chance to climb up into the bed. His arm resting around her shoulders. Her head resting on his shoulder and his head on hers.

"I can't do this tonight without you, Brina." his voice a shaking whisper.

"Of course you'll rock this, all of you. Do it for me P." Sabrina turned on her side and rested her head in his chest, hearing his heartbeat calmed her. His right hand plays with a strand of her wavy hair. Unfortunately one of his rings gets tangled in it.

"Ouh" exclaimed the girl reaching for his hand and slowly puts his hand in front of her face. Thank God her hair is long that this is possible.

"Keep still" Sabrina points out.

She took the ring off of his finger and entangled it from her hair. Luke watching her moves closely. She let out a small chuckle.

"Where's your ring" he grabs her hand finding the naked spot around her index.

"I've must lost it. The paramedic said he hasn't found anything" the corners of her mouth dropping down, she sighed.

"No problem. I'll find it" Alex enters the room again with their drinks in his hands and a chocolate chip muffin. He reached the bed and hand them their orders.

"Can I have a bite" she made puppy eyes which always convinced him.

"Fine" he exhales holding it in front of her. Taking a large bite she smile without teeth; making kissing sounds to thank him.

The boys left around lunch due to her following tests but Alex dropped in minutes after she was pushed out of her room bringing her journal and her pencil case. Arriving back and seeing the utensils she smiled and began to write down her thoughts, forming poems and wisdoms.

Sabrina's view laid on the clock at it hit 7pm which means their show begins right now, she wishes to be there seeing them relieved and freed, dancing over the stage having fun with each other.

"Hello guys we're sunset curve" Luke was interrupted by Reggie's 'tell your friends'

"We want to dedicate this night for a special one who couldn't be here today" his mood darken slightly.

They began to play the chorus to 'now or never' and the people radiate the same energy as the band. The crowed danced to the words the band sings.

The song came to an end and Luke exchanged glances with the other guys, nodding their heads they were ready to jam 'Welcome home'.

Mid song Luke stopped singing and stared into the void. He lost his focus, frozen without her; that's when it hits him like a train it wasn't just a silly crush, he loves her.

Tears began to build in his eyes as he tried to focus back on the music.

When the last chords were played he ran out of the bar and to the place Sabrina told him she had the accident.

Earlier the day he didn't find the ring, the probability to find it now is zero but he didn't would give up until he held it in his hand.

Luke arrived to a jumbled room, nurses running in and out same as doctors. Loud chattering and beeping of machines. He rushed into her room, Alex already sat by her side. He grabbed her other hand holding it and squeezing it constantly. Sabrina tried to sat up, her hands trying to escape their grip. They all lean in closer, heads now in the middle of the bed.

"Just look up the sky. I'm the brightest star guiding the way. Watching you. Always by your side" her hands resting on each of the cheeks from Luke and Alex. Luke takes her hand and puts the ring back on her index, she slowly proceeded the gesture and it takes all her power to sent him a heartwarming smile but it didn't reached her eyes too tired.

"I love you" Sabrina's hands falling lifeless onto the bed. The machines now with a monotonous sound and a flat line. Tears streaming down their checks. Holding her hand not able to proceed that’s she’s gone, forever

[elaz-ivero]

Poetry Fieldnotes ||Broken Artists Collective||

[image description: a block print with a bright red border around a greyish blue grainy image. Atop it is a pair of discoloured hands, palms facing forward, red and outstretched. Above the hands in white Garamond font are the words, Broken Artists Collective and in smaller font, and other poems. /end id]

Over the past week, I may or may not have fully embraced the concept of a broken artist finding myself unable to conjure up a single creative thought unless I'm lying on the floor surrounded by scrawlings and broken-spined books. For a long time, I have been trying to cater my work to a series of magazines that clearly yearn for a very specific 'type' of poetry that I am incapable of producing. These poems are ones that applied pressure, the ones that were crammed into inattentive submission boxes and were returned in empty emails.

Here are the poems,

[image description: a photograph of a boy laying down looking upward, a lit cigarette stands upright in his mouth and his features are overlayed with the shadows of ferns and other plants. He wears an orange collared shirt and around him are the words in white Garamond font, Floor Bound Echo Location. /end id]

Floor-bound Echolocation is a disjointed 403-word prose poem that is a coalesce of liminal spaces, chaotic ingenuity and a reversal of grief. Like many of my poems, it describes a series of small events and feels more like a corrupted scene from a novel than a stand-alone poem. It's a short tale of a brother and sister cleaning out the garage-workspace of their genius, estranged and recently deceased cousin. It opens as follows...

All the lines are in lowercase and of sporadic length, every so often a single random word is isolated and highlighted. These are the words that were isolated throughout the poem.

//enigma //a test of patience //satisfied //memorized

I adore this poem and it feels strangely personal (my own experiences often slip into my work unconsciously like fears finding their place in dreams) as a creative I fear the idea that a lot of my work and unwritten ideas will never be read or known. The poem focuses on one of the cousin's creations, a geometric pattern drawn in chalk on the concrete floor. This pattern, its design obsessive and laid out like a triggerless trap takes over the narrative of the poem. The characters wash it away and the pattern, the physical manifestation of this dead cousins genius clings to the idea of being appreciated, recognized.

[image description: a boy sits up against a wall in a barren green and blue-tinted room, to the right of the image, is a window showing trees outside and beneath it a gas heater is attached to the wall. The boy's wearing a similar orange shirt and on the wall beside him are words, 'it blends and swirls with the oiled water and tidals along the length of the driveway to passer-by's what remains of it asks, begs, to be, memorised.' /end id]

I wrote 'floor-bound...' in a day and made subsequent edits over the course of a couple of days, I tend to write out my ideas and make minor changes to word choice and sentence length before I add in the details that make each poem unique. The isolation of individual letters was a way to almost mimic the process of looking in a cluttered space you'll see something recognizable and latch onto it.

Status: Submitted

[image description: A girl with long black hair, olive skin and a tired solemn expression face forward, an unlit cigarette held loosely in her mouth. She stands in a red elevator, the doors are closed and on the left on the image is the metal switchboard showing she has reached level 12. On her right is the word, 'Peephole'. /end id]

Peephole is a mirrored poem and is split into 'Inside', and 'Outside' with Inside, aligned to the left and Outside, aligned to the right, they are reflective of each other, mirrored. Peephole is about a young drunk woman staying inside her boyfriend's cramped apartment inspired by the 43-Square-Foot rooms in South Korea and an image from the article below inspired the entirety of this poem.

She, aware that the apartment seems to reject her, steps out into the hallway, the 'Outside' which feels apocalyptic with a burning wining sun and a ghost standing by the elevator, a personification of her sickness silently assessing how she is still alive and if she could find her way home in this state. The women in turn assess how this hallway faintly reminds her of the one from 'The Shining' leading into a breaking of the fourth wall.

[image description: A photograph that looks similar to a corrupted piece of film, tinted red and showing a woman's profile looking toward the right. Words on the left of the image read, 'I take an imaginary drag as if setting the scene of some ninety's horror, slasher, mounting suspense with the final girl, alone, a lonely lamb how easy would it be to just end a film right here.' /end id]

The tone of the poem is gritty, realistic and almost elusive in its design. I love writing poems without intending to care about its audience, with no closure, no clarity, no kindness. This poem is an amalgamation of all the recent media I've consumed, 'The Shining', Final Girl, Wikipedia dives into the housing crisis and psychological horror. I love writing poems that reflect a blend of culture, using language as a way to implement distinctive voices in my writing.

[image description: Another room tinted green, on the bottom of the image head barely in frame is a women looking off into the distance, above the cigarrete she holds red smoke reflecting in the shine on her face twirls and unfurls. Text reads, 'Tiger balm and salt, "kapuahi ahi" his whisper hurts my ears and sounds like, toungue on velvet, tooth in cheek.' /end id]

Status: Submitted

[image description: a close up of a brides face covered by a sheer veil in front of a black background, her eyes are tinted with red eyeshadow and she looks forward with a bored stare. Large text in the upper left-hand corner reads, 'Chekhov'. /end id]

Chekhov, my most recent poem is- as the title suggests- from the perspective of a gun, a woman on her wedding day is left at the altar by a cheating groom and hunts him down in the orchard venue with an heirloom of a gun. I love the perspective of this poem, the way it slowly reveals the origin of the 'voice' and grows darker and darker as the wedding dress soils and darkens with dirt and blood. Few of my poems spur from ideas rather than images but the idea of a furious bride filled with anguish and horror brought this poem to life.

[image description: a young bride looking behind her as she runs toward a patch of dark trees in the middle of a field. One hand holds up the edge of her white dress, it's evening. Text on the left-hand side of the image reads, 'Darling when my steel feels soft, revoke your vows and kiss something just as cold and cocky. /end id]

This poem is split into three stanzas, before the wedding, during and the evolving aftermath. I feel like I could extend this into a short story saving the strange gunpoint perspective till the final scene.

Status: Completing

[image description: A black and white image of a boy looking up, his expression a mix of horror and fear while blades point down at him and hold steady inches from his neck. The image is a still from "Ivan the Terrible" by Sergei Eisenstein. Text aside it reads, 'The Sound of Hamlet Rehearsed. /end id]

The sound of Hamlet Rehearsed, inspired by my own recent exploration of scriptwriting and theatre. The sound of Hamlet Rehearsed is about a boy being held accountable during a faux court hearing, on stage on opening night. The narrative slowly switches from fiction to reality as it dawns on him that the punishment is about to be dealt and he struggles with understanding how much of his reaction is performance or authentic. It's structured in a sporadic unbroken series of words and moments.

Tone-deaf touchtone tipping point Ziplock bags and scented zip ties off script the boards atop the trap door tremble imagine the conductor beneath torch amongst teeth briefly making out direction from diction.

Status: Editing

Those are the poems I've been working on! I'm not going to write any more poetry until I come to my poetry course next trimester and instead are going to focus on short stories (I'm developing two right now, three-course meal and Wren versus the Russian Government) and continuing by Worldbuilding Diaries series.

-E

[fiercelittlestudyblr]

I read of your break down. I had never heard from others that they couldn't read and I though I was the only one who has these attacks. When I'm too stressed and haven't relaxed for a long time I become too tired to read also elementary texts, to understand what I read, to think or talk, sometimes even to keep my eyes open and I need to sleep for days. On that days I'm extremely slow and everything is muffled and blurred around me. Do you also have such attacks? How do you cope with them?

Hi, just first off I’m really glad you might feel less alone in reading about what happened to me, but I need to preface my reply to you that this only happened to me in one extended period of the summer of 2018, and it isn’t a recurring thing for me. Also, that I can’t give you advice as I don’t know your specific situation and I’m not any more qualified in this than you are really. Unfortunately. 

Okay, with that out of the way I think it’s important I say the story.  It was following a long term of self motivated study as there were strikes on where my lecturers were giving us reading and assignments without teaching us the material. Throughout the year I had been going through a lot of blood tests (I’m needle-phobic) to track every one of the nutrients in my body because I was seeking help through the NHS for my eating disorder, which I also, at the same time, refused to accept I had. I wasn’t doing as much work as I should have during the term and realised very close to exams that I didn’t know most of the material, and was running out of time. The closer the exams got, the more i convinced myself that everyone was doing way better than me and I was going to fail. Then, when the exams got even closer, I realised I was completely right.

I was either sleeping, or crying. I wasn’t showering or eating, I lost weight quickly, and then gained weight quickly, I wore the same clothes on circulation over and over. I was worried and guilty I was holding my boyfriend back because he was having to look after me at the same time as doing his own exams. About two days before my first exam I went to the senior tutors office and i sat in front of him and tried to explain that I wasn’t functioning and really was breaking down. I remember the relief I felt when he said ‘I can see you’re not functioning. You look terrible. Do you want to do all the exams in August? Or shall we take it exam by exam? At the end of the day what we want is for you to graduate, your results, looking at you now, don’t matter. Keep checking in with me and don’t harm yourself.” So I crossed each bridge when I got to it, and in the end only took one of the exams, which I failed badly. They were really kind and pretended it hadn’t happened, so I wasn’t capped at a pass grade for a retake. 

But what happened while I was trying to revise for my second to last timetabled exam, is I had a real attack, I would sleep, cry, and then I tried to cram and I realised I had forgotten how to read. As in I actually didn’t understand even the word ‘the’. I was terrified, and worked up the courage to go back to the senior tutor then for the fourth time and said ‘I just can’t do it’. And he agreed. 

But he said to me that we had to have an agreement. I guess he figured out that part of me is very... noble? Always a Gryffindor. The agreement was that I would go to the counselling that I had been trying to set up and I would definitely be in a better place by August. Thank God I was, I spent the summer doing nothing but working on my self worth, defeating the anorexia voice in my head (a bit) and spending a lot of time self-caring and revising on my own at my house in Bristol. I ended up averaging a high 2:1 instead of.... failing. 

So thats the story. What really made the difference to me was seeking professional help, from both my senior tutor to almost, give me permission to get other help, and giving me a support system where I didn’t need to feel like a burden for unloading my breakdown. The counselling was transformative and I know I’m supposed to think it was all me, but I couldn’t have managed otherwise. I actually ended up with a diagnosis but it wasn’t related to the breakdown. What was related, was my self worth, and my coping skills. My way of coping is shutting down, and refusing to eat. 

You need to find out what your coping skills are and why they’re not working for you, or to find that point of stress and learn either to manage it, or drop it altogether, focus on yourself, and pick it back up in the future. Because if this is happening to you a lot, I really worry for you. It’s so mentally damaging and scary, and you need to make sure that you can look after yourself. Please try to find someone irl you can reach out to to offload and seek real time advice from. I would also recommend seeking medical advice, they might prescribe you antidepressants (they did try to for me, but my dad responded badly to them, and I knew it wasn’t depression) and they might be right for you, but I would recommend you try to dig deeper, see a therapist or psychiatrist, who will be able to much better analyse what might be causing you to go through bouts of this and help you work through it. Please stay in touch. I thought I was the only one too...

[otome--fantasy]

Hey guys

I know I haven't posted anything since the weekend and I had really wanted to, but right now I'm not in a good headspace.

Wednesday night my dog got out of our yard and was hit by a car. I found her in our driveway alive, but she went downhill fast at the emergency clinic just minutes after my fiance and I had told her goodnight and promised her we would pick her up in the morning. The staff did all they could to bring her back, but they were unable to, and had no choice but to let her go.

Trigger warning for death and gruesome descriptions

I'm so broken up about it, and I feel horrible. I came out from a long shower and looked through my window after getting dressed, and saw her laying down in our driveway next to the road. She knows she's not supposed to leave the yard so I called her back expecting her to run back under the gate in a hurry but what I saw made my stomach drop.

My poor baby attempted to drag herself closer to the gate and couldn't use her back legs. I ran to her and saw she had wounds everywhere. At first I thought the neighbors dog (who wasn't exactly friendly towards other dogs and was known to wander up and down the streets) had gotten to her and tore her up like she did with one of my other dogs, but when I picked her up all I could do was scream her name and call for my parents and fiance as I carried her back into the house because her entire hind end was limp like a ragdoll, her mouth looked like it was bleeding, and her breathing was raspy.

At first everyone had thought some one had attacked her (several people have both attempted to lure her out of our yard and expressed how they didn't appreciate her barking and growling at them through our fence). I sat down on the couch with her in my arms and cried harder when I felt the rest of her go limp, because oh my god I thought I was too late and she was going to die in my arms.

I remember it all so vividly and it all just keeps playing over and over again in my head. I can be doing anything, but all I'll see is the moment I picked her up and my screaming.

I just hugged her as close to me as I could, and rocked back and fourth, and cried and screamed for my fiance. I know I was hysterical and I'm grateful he was able to quickly talk some sense into me and we rushed her to the nearest emergency clinic.

The staff was nice, and they took her in quickly, but the entire time we waited for word on how she was doing I felt so nauseous and shaky. I was glad when they pulled us into a room because there was other people in the waiting room and it was hard to hold back from crying. Honestly it felt like it was hard to breath the entire wait, but they said they had put her on oxygen and that they wanted to take x-rays and blood tests, and of course they wouldn't do it till they were sure we had enough money to cover the expenses for it, and to board her, and to keep her stable over the night - and that long back and fourth I feel contributed to the outcome honestly.

When we finally had gotten the x-ray's back and her blood work it showed that her blood was normal and her blood pressure was good, but the problem was just how many broken bones she had. One of her legs was broken in two places, her other one was dislocated and her pelvis was also broken. Then on top of that we couldn't clearly see what damage was done to her organs. They said her gums might be pale either because she was in shock or because she was bleeding internally.

I hate the way the doctor handled everything, and maybe it was just the fact that I was in such a stressful situation, but she just felt like she either didn't care, or wasn't sure how to handle the situation.

It felt like she just didn't know what to tell us, and that alone told me how this all might end. She told us that, surgically, there was nothing they could do for her there. My baby would have to go to a specialist to repair her broken bones, and all they could do was bandage her up some, and keep her comfortable and stable for her night stay.

After waiting in the room for a while, I was starting to get my hopes up because they came in and said that she was currently stable, and that we could go home and they would call to update us if anything changed.

They let us go to the back room to tell her good night, and we promised her that we would be back in the morning to pick her up and get her better.

We went to the main waiting room and signed off on the paper work that would allow then to perform CPR should anything happen, and then while we waiting for her paperwork and a copy of her x-rays they pulled us back into the room and informed us that she was going into cardiac arrest and they were starting CPR.

It felt like it all happened so fast. The doctor came in several times to tell us that they were still trying to resuscitate her, that she was having problems breathing on her own, and nothing had changed. And on the doctors final visit she informed us that they had tried to resuscitate her longer than protocol recommended, but they had to let her go.

End trigger warning

And just like that my baby was gone.

The doctor practically fled the room when I broke down. I was hyperventilating, I was lightheaded, nauseous. My fiance was so strong through all this, because she was his baby too, and did his best to calm me down and comfort me till I was coherent enough to communicate with the doctors and techs again.

One of the other things that hurt was the trip home with her stuff (I had called my parents and our friend who was renting one of our rooms to come say goodbye because they loved her too). My fiance sent me home with my mom while he and our friend waited for the staff to finish prepping her for them to bring back home so we could bury her.

I knew we didn't have the money to fix all her broken bones. The doctor had only given us a estimate for the cost of fixing one fracture, so that was all the money we had asked for on our credit card, but she had three and a dislocated hip.

Back in the room when things were starting to look up before it all came crashing down, I had come to terms with the fact that our baby would probably have to get her most damaged leg amputated so we could aford to pay for the hip replacement. She would have had to live the rest of her life with only three legs, but I knew she could do it and I and the rest of my family would be there to help her through every step of the way - helping her go to the bathroom, helping her relearn how to walk, and helping her with whatever therapy she would need to make her muscles strong enough to support her with only three legs. But she didn't make it, and we didn't have that chance or that option.

On the ride home, my mom said outloud what I had been thinking since the second I was told she was going into cardiac arrest:

She waited for me and her dad to come say goodbye before she let go.

She had been so strong to fight for her life for three hours till she could see us one more time.

It hurts

Mentally

Emotionally.

And I can feel it affecting me physically.

I'm so tired.

I feel so drained.

When I walk around the house, I keep turning around and expecting her to be right there behind me or at my side. She was my baby, my little shadow who followed me every where, my love, my heart, and right now, it feels like she was my soul too. Heck, just moment ago me and my fiance went to go snack on some cereal and he dropped a few pieces and, without even thinking, I said, "Give it to Honey."

All he could do was look at me sadly when I realized what I had said and I just went back to our room to cry.

I keep thinking I'll look outside the window and see her playing with her sister Penny, but the house is so quiet and Penny isn't running around and playing.

I may not post for a little bit, I will still keep writing because it does help take my mind off things, but even then it's hard to find the motivation to even pick up my phone other than to look through my gallery.

I apologize for keeping you all waiting, hopefully I will get something as good as the last few chapters out soon.

Thank you all for understanding.

[thebibliosphere]

My doctor told me my chronic pain and fatigue is from depression and isn't a medical issue. I've been taking my meds and going to therapy like I'm supposed to, and the pain and fatigue are just getting worse. What should I do? I kind of want to give up on answers, but I also don't?

First of all, I’m sorry you’re going through this and your doctor is not being supportive. And second of all, CFS or to give it it’s actual medical name that  doesn’t make it sound like we’re just a wee bit tired, myalgic encephalomyelitis, can and absolutely is a desperate condition from basic depression, and may not always be remedied from therapy and anti-depressants.

Depression is in fact a complication of myalgic encephalomyelitis, which is something the gods damned Mayo Clinic makes a point of noting: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/chronic-fatigue-syndrome/symptoms-causes/syc-20360490

Also it’s worth noting that the CDC changed their diagnosis and treatment guidelines for myalgic encephalomyelitisin 2015, when new studies not based on bullshit actually found that current treatment methods were harmful and that the people suffering from myalgic encephalomyelitiswere right about their symptoms not being purely psychosomatic in origin, weird. In fact there is a wealth of information emerging that suggests outright, that is the result of immune system problems.

So your doc can stick that in his pipe and smoke it. 

As for what you can do, are you able to find another doctor? Because if so, do that, get a second, third, fourth opinion if you can, let them know you are doing all the things you are supposed to be doing as per your doctor’s advice, and it’s not helping. Ask for some basic blood tests to check for inflammation that might suggest something might be off with your immune system, the main ones you’ll need if you suspect you have something chronic going on are Erythrocyte sedimentation rate (ESR) and C-reactive protein (CRP). Also make sure your vit D, vit B, magnesium and calcium levels are healthy. Mine are now at the “low” end of healthy, but given the strain my body is under, it’s the equivalent of being under ground when the bar is at rock bottom.

If you can afford it, maybe look into things like having body work (massage) done at regular intervals to make sure you’re not dealing with something messed up like muscle adhesions or something similar. Myofascial release is popular with those of us with chronic pain because it doesn’t necessarily need to be deep tissue work for it to be beneficial.

Please don’t give up, there’s hope on the other end of this, there really is.

[jamiebluewind]

Thank You

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone for being kind. I know some of you must be... annoyed that I haven't been sharing anything lately (I have too if I'm being honest), but nobody has thrown any hate at me for it and for that, I'm grateful.

I've been resting up since I got out of the hospital, a fact that has been driving me crazy if I'm being honest. Only so many hours in a day and I'm spending so many of um in the bed (doesn't help that dad fussed at me for it)! Then I tell myself that if one of you were in the same position, I'd be fussing your ear off for thinking such a thing and trying to get you to rest, so I'm trying to give myself the same courtesy.

I'm... hesitant to share what went wrong, not for embarrassment but because I don't want yall to worry. Then I realized that this post has probably already make you think far worse, so here goes...

WARNING: Blood mention, illness, body function mention, pain, menstruation, confusion, dehydration, (please tell me if I missed any!)

I got an IUD put in. I didn't want it, but my periods are bad and my insurance wouldn't cover just removing the parts before trying this first. It caused a lot of pain due to having nothing for pain, the person putting it in not knowing what they were doing, and them using silver nitrate without rinsing it off which gave me chemical burns on my cervix. I stayed in pain and they responded saying to take a tylenol and I'd eventually be fine. During this time, I bled constantly. Not a lot, but some. I also had my normal periods to deal with. I found out it was even effecting my mood and making me tired (hormones, constant cramping, or both, you be the judge). Two months in, I wanted it out. They said I just needed to tough it out and I would be fine by 6 months. I'm pretty sure my face did a thing that symotaniously screamed confusion and "fuck you", but I did as I was told.

In the meantime (during December and even now), my heater thermostat started doing something weird. I set the temp, but it would let it get down to like 55° F (12.7° C) at night when it was set on like 68 (20° C). During the day, it would get about 10° F warmer than what it was set (so like 78° F or 26° C). It was kicking on, but not regulating it how it was supposed to. I told my landlady, but they take for-freaking-ever! So out comes an electric blanket to keep me warm at night. I basically lived under the thing after the sun set! I just kept it on one or two so I wouldn't get too warm. I was also feeling crapy (*gestures to previous paragraph*), which meant more bed time than normal.

A few days before Christmas, I got a shot that was supposed to last a month and help block a nerve that causes migraines. I have debilitating hemiplegic migraines and the risk was very low, so I decided to give it a shot. The medication is very new and due to my rare form of migraine reacting atypically to medications, you would think I would know by now not to try medications that haven't been out long.

The fourth and final domino in all this was all the running due to the holiday season. I'm disabled and I have a weak immune system, but I kept pushing myself. I walked so much price shopping for things for everyone that would both mean something and not break budget (even when me left leg wanted to nope out) because Dad gave me a bit of money last minute to help me buy gifts and I only had a week. I wrapped gifts for dad and myself. I cleaned and did some baking. Then there was the driving and the great but exhausting time with family and playing catch with my youngest nephew until my arm was nearly falling off. When I eventually got back home, my whole body had this bone deep ache. Not like overworking muscles after not using them for a long time, but like I had the flu. This is on top of the cramping.

*Note: Some of the information past this point is things the medical staff told me happened, things my dad said happened, and texts*

I would get better and worse. Always worse when I first woke up (remember the blanket?). I went to dad's for a traditional southern New Year's meal. He said I was spacey, lethargic, and far more quiet than normal. My eyes had trouble focusing and I had trouble concentrating. I looked tired so, he made me sleep before driving home. I woke up about 3 am, drank a glass of water, drove home, wrote a post about it (which took entirely too long for me to write), and went to bed.

The next morning, I woke up and just... laid there. I was having trouble figuring out where my body was. It just felt numbed somehow. I called my neurologist thinking it was a side effect the the drug. I'm not sure what I said, but they made me go to the ER.

I'm not sure how I drove there to be honest. I do remember somebody honking. I'm glad it was close, but still. It's a wonder I didn't get in a wreck!

I don't remember much. A yellow floor sign. A woman writing with a marker. Another woman with brown drawn on eyebrows. A machine that had a small piece of that brown first aid tape stuck to it. A name that made me think of the green emoji face (which my normal brain has yet to figure out). I had trouble talking and thinking. I remember repeating "stay still" over and over the (I think it was) several times I was instructed to, because if I didn't, I'd forget. I'm pretty sure I left my room several times. I know I went to my car once. I remember eating food, but I only recall a pineapple cup because I realized partway that I had a spoon that I could use. I kept forgetting to tell them I was hurting when they asked. I had a headache and sick stomach. I also felt so cold and my feet were like ice, but I was running a low grade fever after all.

I started feeling a little better, but the doctor still admitted me. I had a white count, but they couldn't figure out from where. I messaged a few people to let them know what was going on finding typing easier than talking. I used that to my advantage and typed out my allergies to show a nurse.

They struggled getting the IV in, even on my hand. When it finally was in I was hooked up to fluids to keep it open. More blood taken to try and figure out what was wrong. I gave them what urine sample I could which was tinted (I couldn't help it). They had already done some type of brain scan (but I didn't remember it). I kept having minor dizzy spells, but I attributed it too all the blood they took.

They kept giving me stuff, but nothing helped my headache. It wasn't a migraine, but still very nasty. I was grateful when something finally seemed to help.

My nurse came back with lots of juice to go with my super so I'd have something to drink and a container of ice water. She was new to the hospital and hung around at times just checking on me and talking. Just a nice person. It was otherwise a lot of sleeping.

The longer I stayed, the easier it was to communicate, but the tests couldn't figure out why. They ruled out seizures and a stroke. A mini stroke was highly unlikely and didn't fit. They couldn't find an infection anywhere. My white count went back to normal. They couldn't figure it out.

That was until my nurse from the previous day came back. We just talked about general things until I made a joke about the urine sample from the day before. She asked if it was clean catch and I said yes, but just barely. That ended up causing questions and her checking charts. Turns out that despite being there since the morning before, I had peed twice (with the last time hours before). She pressed on my bladder which wasn't distended. 3 bags of fluid, 3 meals (2 of which I know I ate all of), plus whatever I drank. I had been dehydrated to the point that it had caused my white count to go up and was the reason behind my confusion, lethargy, dizziness, headache, nausea, and low urine output. I was pretty surprised. I was released before lunch.

Pushing past my limits, minor medication side effects (including one long term med), staying under an electric blanket too much to stay warm (combined with exhaustion which meant longer in bed and less time awake to drink water), and pain and constant bleeding due to my IUD... all those things combined causing it to happen. I'm still... oof. Still tired. Still weak. Still recovering. Sleeping so much that the days fly by. Drinking lots of water. And otherwise doing just fine (save for my sleep schedule going to shit again). I still love my electric blanket; it's just been temporary retired until I can get myself rehydrated again. That means my other blankets are out of the vacuum bags and piled up to keep me warm ^_^

Speaking of warm, I have my very own love bug/velcro/snuggle buddy Danny who has been on me like white on rice since I got home. He's a good boy

[the-letter-horror-lover]

The Trouble With Boruto Uzumaki by JayCheng

Anime » Naruto Rated: M, English, Romance & Adventure, [Naruto U., Hinata H.] [Boruto U., Sumire S.], Words: 20k+, Favs: 204, Follows: 284, Published: Aug 27, 2018 Updated: Feb 17, 2019

74Chapter 1: Oops!

Well.

This is just something to take my mind off other stories on different sites. I'm gonna wing it and make it up as I go along. Oh, and, since the war hasn't ended yet, Neji is still alive in this fan fiction, for now.

Summary: What if Boruto was conceived during the Fourth Great Ninja War and not after? How would things be different for Naruto and Hinata, if they were still only young teens and just barely starting their relationship? And how would this effect the future, if Boruto came before his time? NaruHina

Hinata gripped the ends of the exam table tightly, anxious for her test results. Her heart was pounding in her chest as her eyes darted around the sterile white hospital room in Suna.

It was her first solo mission since the Pein attack and she felt great about it. It was good to be back on the active duty roster, she just wished she didn't feel so sick.

She couldn't eat properly, always throwing up her breakfast, and her fatigue and dizziness were concerning. Even after activating her Byakugan for a short amount of time, she'd feel so drained and tired she'd have to stop and rest for fear of fainting. Thankfully, she hadn't met any bandits or enemy Shinobi, so combat wasn't an issue.

She made an emergency stop in Suna since it was on the way to Konoha and has since felt much better with a few IV fluids in her blood stream.

After a series of tests, Hinata was patiently waiting for her results. It seemed like an eternity before the med nin walked back into the room, results in hand.

Hinata eagerly looked at the nin and greeted her warmly. The ninja smiled brightly and handed the results to the young girl. "Congratulations, Miss Hyuga. You are 8 weeks pregnant."

Hinata's eyes went wide, resembling dinner plates. "P-Pregnant? A-are you sure?"

The ninja nodded. "Yes, our blood tests are 100% accurate. Your blood has high levels of hCG, just over the 25mIU/mL mark. These are the normal levels found in expectant mothers. You are indeed pregnant Miss Hyuga. However, the pregnancy is still very early. You will have a risk of miscarrying until about after the third month. In the first trimester it is important to not overexert yourself, take plenty of prenatal vitamins, and abstain from any drugs or alcohol. I suggest that you remove yourself from the active duty roster as well."

Hinata quietly thanked the ninja and after signing the discharge papers, robotically made her way back to her hotel.

Oh Kami what was she going to tell Naruto? They were in the middle of a WAR! This was no time to raise a child. She suddenly felt sick, but not because of the baby's doing. No, this sickness came from deep within her gut.

How could she be so irresponsible? The repercussions were...numerous! And oh Kami, what about her clan? They would surely disown her now.

Hinata ran over to a nearby bush and hunched over, throwing up what little bile was left in her stomach. She didn't know what to do, so she did the only thing she could do.

She cried.

-Flashback-

Hinata stood shyly on the sidelines as Naruto, Sakura, and Kakashi returned through the Village Gates to a hero's welcome. Dozens and dozens of villagers swarmed around Naruto, hailing him a hero.

Hinata stared longingly at him, admiring his sun swept blonde hair and brilliant blue eyes. His smile was infectious, stretching from ear to ear, and his whisker marks on his cheeks served as a reminder of just how heroic he was.

When Hinata had confessed to Naruto, she was prepared to die during the attack. She never expected to survive, and certainly hadn't thought about where to go from here, now that Naruto was aware of her feelings. Would he accept them? Would he reject them? Or maybe even ignore them completely?

Hinata couldn't bare the thought of loosing Naruto as a friend (at the very least) and she hoped and prayed that this didn't ruin their already minimal interactions. Would he be awkward around her? I mean, what was he going to say? "Hey Hinata, I'm glad you were willing to die for me and all, but I just don't feel for you that way." Could she even handle humiliation of that level?

But, she supposed right now that it didn't matter.

The Pein invasion was over and surely the celebrations would be underway in a matter of hours. Naruto was again swept away within the masses, basking in the praise, respect, and attention he had desired and craved for so long. Despite all her insecurities, Hinata smiled and watched the love of her life be carried down the streets of Konoha.

Yes, it was a hero's welcome indeed.

-Flashback End-

Hinata stared at her hotel rooms ceiling fan, listening as the blades spun round and round creating a small buzz. She was lying on her bed, a hand draped over her bare stomach and an arm draped over her eyes.

Pregnant.

She couldn't believe it. The idea was so foreign, so far away from her mind, she couldn't even begin to process and fathom it. A life was growing inside of her. A little ball of chakra was quietly blazing inside a tiny human being in her womb. This baby was equal parts her and Naruto. It was amazing and terrifying at the same time.

Hinata wondered what Naruto would think. They'd lost their virginity together on the third date and that was only because alcohol was involved (even though Hinata would have done so without the liquid courage). They had only just barely gotten to know each other and even though the war was still going on, Naruto's confession had set things in motion. He had said that, while he didn't love her, he did like her quite a bit and wanted the chance to get to know her more so that eventually he could fall in love with her. He didn't know what it meant to love someone, but was more than willing to find out.

Now she was pregnant? They couldn't handle it. Surely, this would drive Naruto away for good. He wasn't even sure of his own love yet, considering he didn't really know what love was. He was fighting a war, he was essential to winning the war, and he was a hero. He couldn't, wouldn't have time to protect and take care of a baby.

They were only seventeen for kami's sake!

And Hinata, what about her? She was also a part of this war, she was a Kunoichi of Konoha, how was she going to protect a baby if she had to fight? The short answer was she wouldn't. She'd be forced into a safe zone with the civilians, a protocol for all expecting Kunoichi off the active duty roster.

Speaking of protection, it wasn't like they didn't use protection either.

Hinata had been on the pill since she was thirteen (a requirement for all active duty female ninja) and she never missed a dose. She couldn't even think of a time where she hadn't taken it. Her biggest fear was that she would be compromised on a mission before Naruto could compromise her first, so she was always prepared.

How in the world did this happen? I mean, sure Hinata knew that birth control was only so effective, but she always used it properly. She racked her mind for a time where this could have happened.

She felt like her head was going to burst until it hit her.

The party!

That had to be the answer. A few days after their second date, the night of their third date, Ino had gotten all of them piss drunk during the rebuild celebrations and drunken Naruto had practically dragged Hinata back to his apartment and had his way with her, which she reciprocated all night long.

She probably forgot to pop the pill then. They'd never thought to use condoms because she was on birth control; but if you miss even one pill it can leave you vulnerable.

She let out an audible groan. 'Stupid stupid stupid...how could you end up in this situation? You're weak. How can you be a mother if you were so irresponsible in the first place?' those toxic thoughts began to invade her mind and she quickly shoved them away.

She needed to get back to Konoha and inform Tsunade as soon as possible. Hinata knew she should tell Naruto first, but he had a war to fight. It could...wait...at least until Naruto returned from his own mission with his team in a few months. She wouldn't dare to share the news via messenger hawk.

Naruto's enemies were powerful.

-Flashback-

Their first date at Ichiraku had been inexperienced and awkward.

Naruto fumbled his conversational topics, turning red every five seconds when he'd make another blunder. Hinata was no better, her face red as a cherry tomato. She had always been content to just listen to Naruto talk, she never expected to really hold up much of the conversation.

"Well Naruto-kun, I...I like cinnamon rolls, flower pressing, and gardening. I also like to cook and will make you whatever dishes you want from now on! And despite what everyone thinks, I actually have a fire/lightning affinity, much like Sasuke-san."

Naruto grew excited at the prospect. "You do? I like to garden too! Hinata-chan, I don't doubt that whatever food you cook will be good. Also, that really is surprising. You're so calm and fluid, like water, but who'd have thought you could wield something as cool as lightning! I'm a wind affinity, but, you already knew that I guess huh 'ttaebayo!"

Hinata giggled, enjoying the attention of her love.

Even though things were still a little awkward and they'd blush when their shoulders or arms brushed together by accident as they ate, it was still the perfect date in Hinata's book. It was exactly how she'd always imagined it would be.

Hopefully, her goodnight kiss would be just like she'd fantasized about, too. Blushing at the thought of just how heated her fantasies had gotten, she quickly banished those perverted thoughts.

This was their first date for crying out loud! She was not such a lowly woman to go in for the kill right away...

No...she wouldn't jump his bones until the third date.

- Flashback End -

Tsunade rubbed her temples, a cup of sake sat untouched upon her desk. She couldn't believe that Hinata out of all her ninja...it was just too much.

This wasn't just a normal teenage pregnancy, no, this was a teenage pregnancy between the Hyuga princess and Uzumaki Naruto, son of the fourth Hokage and war hero. If enemies had ever managed to get their hands on this valuable information, it could be deadly.

"As your Hokage speaking, Hinata, this is going to be...difficult. This is only the beginning of the many dangers and hurdles that lie ahead of you. Naruto, while he is a hero, has also made a lot of enemies. You are carrying his child, which puts you and the baby in great danger already, should news of it leak out. We are still fighting a war and things are only going to get more dire from here on out. As per protocol, I have to pull you from active duty and inform your father of your condition as you are not eighteen yet. However, I care for you as one of my own, so I'm going to allow you to tell him instead. If, after one month, you have not told him why I've pulled you from active duty then my hand will be forced. Are we clear?"

"Hai, Hokage-sama. I-I know that I've put everyone in a difficult position." Tsunade waved her hand.

"Now, now none of that. Naruto is just as much to blame as you are. It take two people to make a baby. Hinata, speaking as a motherly figure, I can imagine how scared, confused, and alone you feel right now. Naruto won't be back for at least two more months and the thought of not having the help is scary, right? I'm going to allow you to stay in Naruto's apartment. I will cover for you with your father, so he won't suspect anything. However, I can only do so for one month, as stated before. You're like one of my own, I'll be here to support you any way I can."

Hinata could feel the tears well up in her eyes. She practically tackled the Hokage, audibly sobbing. She didn't have a mother for most of her childhood, so her heart felt full and happy. Yet scarred and pained at the same time.

"I'm..so scared, Hokage-Sama. What if...what if Naruto doesn't w-want the baby? Or what if I miscarry? The doctor in Suna said that I have higher chances of miscarrying until after the first trimester. How can I live with myself if...if I lost Naruto's child and he didn't even know about it? He's always wanted a family after all. I know this was supposed to come much, much later...and we were supposed to do the whole marriage thing first, but it's here and happening now and I don't know what to do."

Tsunade rubbed soothing circles along her young ninja's back. "You have a great support system here, Hinata. We won't let you or Naruto go through this alone. Please, take the rest of your day to calm down, breathe for the baby, and curl up under Naruto's bed sheets, okay? You can worry more tomorrow. You're exhausted."

"Hai, Hokage-Sama! And thank you, for everything. I don't know how we're going to survive this, but I know we will. We never give up, it's our nindo, our ninja way."

And with that Hinata left the office, calmer than she'd felt in the last two days. She absentmindedly brought a hand to her stomach, resting it there.

A baby, huh?

'This baby is Naruto's baby. I can't believe it. I'm carrying Naruto-kun's child! Me. It's scary and yet, I'm so happy. I can feel it in my very soul. My heart is so full...'

Boom! Chapter 1. Whew what a start. Dramama ramama ramama hey! lol

2: Remodeling

Hinata carefully climbed through Naruto's bedroom window, suppressing her chakra so she wouldn't be found out, though, she doubt anyone would notice her anyway. Naruto didn't exactly live in the most populated district of Konoha, being on the outskirts of town and all.

She'd learned early on that he never kept his windows locked. She thought it was some type of psychological comfort, he never wanted to feel trapped and when he was home, his windows were always opened. She felt instantly better as Naruto's familiar scent wafted through the air.

Hinata knew she couldn't go back to the Hyuga compound. The Byakugan would surely be able to detect the disruption in her chakra system from the baby. Eventually she would have to go home, but for now, she knew she could hide out here.

Hinata surveyed the small apartment, sighing as she did so. The poor apartment seemed to be worse for ware. The yellow paint on the walls was chipping and cracking, the kitchen appliances were outdated, and quite frankly, the bathroom wasn't in any better shape. Used Ramen cups littered the place everywhere and when Hinata opened the door to Naruto's bedroom she couldn't believe the disaster zone she'd walked into.

Scrolls and kunai were everywhere, clothing hung on every piece of furniture, and his small double bed's sheets were in a disarray. Blowing out hot hair, she sprawled out on the messy bed.

She could see the cracks in the ceiling and felt saddened at the state of Naruto's living quarters. With a new resolve, she firmly set out to make this place a real home so she could surprise him when he returns from his mission. Tomorrow she would get to work, but for now, she needed to get some sleep.

Rummaging around on the floor, she picked up a white t-shirt, sniffed it, and then proceeded to put said shirt on. Slipping off her pants, she found a pair of green boxers and slipped them on, immediately feeling herself relax into comfort.

Naruto's clothes smelled just like him and since they were big on her, they were baggy and comfortable.

Slipping back into bed, she burrowed under the messy covers, straightening them out as she did so. Hinata had quite the to-do list on her agenda tomorrow so she needed all the rest she could get.

Sleep claimed her relatively quickly. She never realized how exhausted she truly was, her chakra going to two people and all. When the morning sun's rays hit her closed eyes, she scrunched her face up in retaliation.

Letting out a low groan, she rolled over onto her stomach and put Naruto's pillow over her face. Hinata was never a morning person by choice, so anything before the hours of 12 noon on her days off were off limits.

However, chancing a look at Naruto's bedside clock she could see the time read nine. In what world would she get up this early willingly.

As if suddenly remembering her tasks for the day, she stood on her hands and knees, stretching like a cat. Kicking the covers off her, she stood up and then turned to make the bed.

If you make your bed every morning, then you've already accomplished the first task of the day. At least, that's what her father used to say. It was a habit that had been drilled and disciplined into her since she was little. A Hyuga never left their living quarters in a pig-sty.

She knew she couldn't possibly do all of these things she had planned in a day, but Naruto wasn't due back home for at least two more months so it wasn't like she had to rush either.

First and foremost she needed to enlist the help of one of her two most trusted people. Ino Yamanaka.

You might be wondering how someone like Ino would choose to be best friends with Hinata, but after Sakura and Ino's fallout over Sasuke during their Genin years, they slowly drifted apart. As a result though, Ino had found herself running into the blue haired ninja more and more. Ino had also confided in her about her newfound love for her brown haired, lazy teammate.

Hinata being the expert on all things unrequited, was able to offer understanding and support. It was one of the main reasons they grew so close together. She wasn't going to tell anyone she was pregnant, though. She wanted Naruto to be the first one to know. It was their secret to divulge, not her own.

Picking up Naruto's landline, she dialed the number to the Yamanaka household. Thankfully, Ino had picked up the phone right away.

"Yamanaka residence Ino speaking."

"Ino-chan, it's Hinata. Can you meet me at Naruto's apartment in about an hour?"

"Naruto's apartment? Um...sure. But you better explain the details later, got it?"

Hinata laughed. "Of course Ino-chan. I'll see you then."

Hanging up the phone, Hinata smiled. She looked around the apartmentapartment, blushing as she recalled the last time she'd been in it.

-Flashback-

Hinata let out a soft, breathy moan as Naruto pulled her body close to his in a heated kiss, his noticeable bulge prodding Hinata's own desire. They'd left the party awhile ago and seemed to continue it here, in Naruto's small one bedroom apartment.

This was the moment Hinata had wanted and waited for since she was a young pre-teen girl. All her research, reading, and tips for how to please a man would finally come to fruition. She could barely contain herself.

Hinata eagerly pulled off Naruto's orange shirt, basking in the feel of his well defined pecs and chiseled abs as she slid her hands up and down his chest. This man was a bronze god and she was lucky enough to witness this uncharted territory.

Hinata immediately attacked his neck, sucking softly on his pulse point. Her hand made it's way to Naruto's black ninja pants and slipped between the waist band of his boxers to grip him, earning the desired sound from Naruto.

"H-Hinataaa..." She loved the way he drew out her name, head thrown back in obvious pleasure. Growing tired of her own state of dress, she shrugged off her top and then pulled off Naruto's pants so he was only in his boxers.

Without warning, Hinata could have sworn Naruto's eyes flashed red as he let out a low growl, picking her up in his arms and all but throwing her onto his bed. He hungrily attacked her neck and chest, kissing everywhere, leaving no plain or valley untouched. Her pert nipples called to him and he eagerly thumbed her right one while sensually licking her left.

Hinata was in heaven, mind clouded with lust and alcohol. All coherent thought processes had left her long ago. She had one goal in mind and one goal only.

Become one with Uzumaki Naruto.

-Flashback End-

A knock on the door brought Hinata out of her musings.

Ino walked in carrying a bunch of grocery bags. "I figured we could have lunch later." Hinata was grateful for the food. Surely, after all the work they would be putting into the apartment today, they'd work up quite the appetite later.

"Thank you Ino-chan. Now I'll need your help..."

"Naruto you idiot slow down! We're not going to finish this mission any sooner just because you run at the speed of light. Hokage-Sama assigned us a three month long mission. It hasn't even been two weeks." Kiba all but shouted at said Shinobi.

Naruto growled but slowed down none the less. Shikamaru, Neji, Sai, and Kiba sighed in relief. Naruto's stamina was insane.

"I miss Hinata! I want to get back as soon as possible." Neji glared.

"Hinata-sama? Are you...are you dating Hinata-sama?" Naruto smirked. They hadn't exactly gone public with their relationship, but everyone knew that they were together or at least suspected they were, they could usually be seen at Ichiraku together.

"We do more than just date, Neji." Shikamaru had to restrain the young Hyuga prodigy who'd already activated his Byakugan, ready to strike.

"Enough! We have a mission to complete. Naruto, Hinata will be fine. She will be there when you get back. Neji, Hinata is old enough to make her own decisions, please get a hold of yourself." Shikamaru admonished already feeling a headache coming on. Begrudgingly, the Hyuga male calmed down, still sending the blonde Shinobi death glares.

Naruto just kept smirking, fantasizing about Hinata's luscious backside and generous rack. He relished the fact that Hinata was his and his alone and Neji could do nothing about that fact that his sweet little cousin was practically screaming his name under him a few weeks ago.

He was starting to get a boner just thinking about it.

Quickly directing his thoughts back to the mission, his expression turned serious. It was an A-rank mission with the possibility of turning S-Rank. They were tasked with scouting and infiltration of a possible Akatsuki hideout and were only to engage if necessary.

With Sasuke joining their ranks and going after his good friend B, it was up to Naruto to stop him. He'd already tried to assassinate the Raikage and who knows what other diplomatic problems Sasuke will cause Konoha.

It left Naruto angry and defeated. Sasuke was still somewhere in there deep down, he knew his best friend and brother and this...rouge was not him.

"I see four ninja up ahead, Chunin level by the looks of it. Do we engage or go around?" Shikamaru shook his head.

"We go around them. Hokage-Sama said this was a scouting mission first and foremost. We shouldn't needlessly waste our chakra and resources."

Naruto created three shadow clones and instructed them to search the area and keep an eye on those ninja. They altered their route slightly and continued on towards Ame and Kumo.

Naruto stared up at the sky, thinking of the beauty waiting for him at home. He'd finally found what he'd always wanted, love, and he was cruelly sent away on a three month mission.

He'd also recently discovered the wonders of sex, and was exponentially frustrated now that his only source was far out of his reach. Your right hand just doesn't give you the same satisfaction and can only do so much.

With a defeated breath he continued forward, trying to bring his mind back onto the mission at hand. It was going to be a long two months.

"Hinata how does this look?" Ino held up a new canvas in the living room, tilting it to the right or left to try and balance the piece of art. The yellow and green pineapple on canvas complemented the dark grey/blue color of the newly painted walls. The white paneling that lined the doorways and wall bases gave the whole apartment a modern and updated look.

"Mmm, a little to the left. No my left. Okay yes, right there. Perfect." Ino grabbed her pencil and marked the spots, double checking her leveler to make sure the picture was straight. Smiling in satisfaction, she removed the picture and grabbed her drill and nails. She began to drill holes into the spots she marked with her pencil. After she hammered in the nails, she hung the picture back up on the wall.

Ino took several steps back and admired her work. They'd been remodeling the apartment for nearly three weeks now, slowly but surely everything was coming together. The only room that still needed to be renovated was the bedroom, but Hinata wanted to save that for last. She needed time to come up with the perfect idea, something that would fit both her and Naruto's tastes.

Turning around, Hinata surveyed the kitchen, absolutely pleased with her handiwork. Of course, they had the help of Rock Lee and Gai-Sensei for some of the heavy lifting, but, for the most part Ino and Hinata had done pretty much everything.

The walls in the kitchen were a soft green color, the brand new cabinets were a dark mocha and the grayish granite counter tops completed the sleek and modern look. Brand new stainless steel appliances replaced the old ones. A high tech refrigerator, a brand new gas stove and oven, as well as a new microwave, coffee maker, and new pots, pans, and the like.

Various plants sat in the kitchen window, where underneath, a brand new sink shined in the sunlight's reflection. The detachable knob on the faucet allowed for easy cleaning of dishes (to avoid the pile-up's Naruto was prone too).

"Naruto is going to freak out when he sees this. Please promise you'll record his reaction?"

Hinata smiled. "Of course I will, Ino-chan. I want to remember the moment forever. Naruto deserves a nice place to live at the very least. After all he has been through, it is really so minimal. I'm just happy I could be the one to give this gift to him."

Hinata had to bite back a chuckle at the double meaning of her words.

She could feel the effects of her pregnancy more and more as time goes on. 11 weeks into the pregnancy and her symptoms were practically in full swing, if the morning sickness was any indication. She was approaching her third month, and you could just barely make out her baby bump underneath her black tank top when she took off her jacket.

She also had only one more week to confront her father about her pregnancy. She was glad to be kept busy, the nesting symptoms distracted her. She wasn't sure where the fate of her baby and herself would end up, but one thing was for certain, Hinata was ready to denounce her name, her status as clan heir, and everything under the sun in order to protect her baby.

She would give Naruto the family he always wanted, even if they had jumped the gun on everything.

"Well, I think that's enough remodeling for one day. I'll see you next week, okay Hina?" Hinata grabbed a bento from the fridge and handed it to Ino.

"Thank you for helping me Ino-chan. Eat this today, okay?" Ino hugged her friend.

"You're too sweet Hina! I will, thanks. Bye!"

And then there were two.

Hinata surveyed the newly renovated apartment again with a critical eye. She wanted everything to be absolutely perfect for when Naruto returned from his mission. She walked back into Naruto's bedroom and sat on his bed. It took a few days, but she'd finally cleaned the room up so that it looked like an actual bedroom.

Clothes were neatly hung up in the closet, a previously unused bookshelf now housed all of his scrolls, kunai, and various items that had littered the floors, and everything had been dusted.

Hinata was going to repaint the walls a soft orange color with one wall being a light, baby yellow. Near that baby yellow wall, would be the babies bassinet and small nursery area. There was just barely enough room for everything. Since Naruto only had a one bed-room apartment, they would be cramped for awhile and there was no way they would be moving anytime soon (money was also another issue, especially if Hinata is stripped of her Hyuga name).

There was still work to be done in the bedroom, but it would be fine as is for now.

Hinata had ordered them a brand new bed that was going to be arriving tomorrow. Naruto was now the proud owner of a double bed, instead of his single twin bed. Hinata was also thankful that she would be able to spread out more. Despite her shy and quiet personality, she was in fact a very active sleeper.

She felt her stomach start to rumble and bit back a groan. She didn't understand why they called it morning sickness when she literally felt nauseous any time of the day and sometimes even all day.

Running to the toilet, she emptied what little contents were in her stomach from breakfast. She groaned and wiped the back of her mouth with her hand, rinsing out her mouth with water in the sink.

"You're going to be a troublemaker like your father, aren't you?" Hinata couldn't help but talk to her stomach, silently willing the nausea to subside. She had heard wonderful things about pregnancy, that it was a blessing and a gift and the nine months were a wonderful and cherished time.

Yeah, right. Tell that to the puking teenager.

"Naruto will you SHUT THE HELL UP! For the love of Kami, if you complain one more time about not being able to see Hinata I will personally shove my kunai into your head." Neji had had just about enough of the annoying blonde. Having to put up with him for another month was surely going to drive him mad. He didn't know if he was going to be able to survive or not.

"You wish you could have sex with TenTen just as much, Ne-jiiiiii"

Neji opened his mouth, but bit back his retort, begrudgingly admitting a small defeat. If he was any less of a man, he too would be complaining about the lack of intimacy from his girlfriend. But he was a Hyuga and he was dignified.

"That's why I'm single. I've hit up what, five brothels since we started this mission? Sucks to suck." Kiba bragged, sporting a grin that showed his sharp K-9's. Naruto, Shikamaru, Naruto, and Neji all grumbled with an unspoken jealousy. Why couldn't they just teleport to their girlfriends?

"May I suggest to create a shadow clone and henge into your girlfriend? I read in a book once that-" Naruto blanched.

"Alright Sai, that's enough."

"Look, we're all sexually frustrated. We will be for another two months. Let's accept this fact now and finish the mission in peace, okay?" Shikamaru all but pleaded, begging for some peace and quiet.

He missed Ino too, but he had a mission to complete first and foremost.

"Wait, guys...do you hear that?" Kiba stopped the group, pointing over to a thick brush of bush to their left.

Neji immediately turned his eyes towards the sounds, sliding into his gentle fist stance. "Two rouge ninja's, at least Jounin level, heading right for us."

"ALRIGHT! FINALLY SOME ACTION DATTEBAYO!" Unfortunately for Naruto, it wasn't the right kind of action.

Chapter 2 finito! Yay! Onward to chapter 3 :D Forward...march!

3: Show Time

Disclaimer: I'm terrible at fight scenes. I also don't own Naruto.

Today was the day.

Approximately one month had past and Hinata's time was up. She had put it off until the last possible second, but, she knew that her days of procrastination were finally over.

Hinata smoothed down her usual ninja attire, double checking her appearance in the new floor length mirror she bought for the bedroom. She was thankful that she had chosen such a baggy jacket to hide her body, her baby bump wasn't entirely noticeable, but you could tell her jacket was more snug then normal around the stomach area as if she had undergone weight gain.

It was time to face the music and Hinata was shaking in her ninja boots. A look at the clock indicated it was twelve noon, that meant Hiashi would be in-between training sessions with Hanabi and would drink his tea quietly in his office/study.

She had no more time it waste.

Glancing at a picture of Naruto and herself taken recently at Ichiraku hanging on the wall, she felt her resolve strengthen when she glanced upon his smile. His smile had saved her. She wouldn't run away. Hinata never ran away, not anymore.

It was their nindo, their ninja way. To never give up.

Locking the apartment (she'd been able to locate Naruto's spare key) she held her head high and made her way towards the opposite side of Konoha, where the Hyuga compound stood.

She needed to act like everything was fine. No one knew she was pregnant and she wasn't about to give herself away. Yet, she couldn't help but to be on alert, paranoid, darting her eyes from person to person seeing if they suspected anything.

She did her best to blend in with the crowd, walking on the outskirts of the village streets, being neither seen nor heard. She tried her best to keep her hand from resting on her stomach as she walked, a habit she'd formed as of late.

She already felt such a deep love for her unborn child, their unborn child, and couldn't help but want to touch it as often as she could. Lost in her thoughts, before she knew it, she was staring down the now daunting gates to the Hyuga compound.

With a deep breath, Hinata easily walked passed the guards and into her home. Making sure to cloak her stomach in chakra (to hide the foreign signature from the Byakugan) she slid the shoji door open.

"Tadaima" She called softly, knowing that no one would answer. Slipping off her ninja sandals, her bare feet padded against the tatami mats of her traditional childhood home. The grand woodwork and ornate carvings gave the place a historical and regal look. It was the perfect reflection of the Hyuga clan, one of the oldest clans in Konoha.

Hinata shakily made her way to her fathers study, bracing herself for the worst possible scenario. She expected to walk out of here no longer a Hyuga. Yes, their relationship was slowly on the mend.

After standing up against Pein, Hiashi had come around to Hinata a bit more, but whatever small seed had started to grow would surely be squashed with this news. A tenative knock on the wooden door, a gruff "Come in" was heard.

Hinata hesitantly peaked her head in, noticing her fathers surprised stare. She was, after all, a day early from her "mission" return.

"Hinata what a surprise." Hinata bowed deeply, settling on a grey pillow across from her father.

"Hello father. I have, um, I have something that I need to tell you. That is why I'm h-here today." Hiashi set down his cup of tea, cracking one eye open.

"What is it silly girl? I don't have all day. Hanabi must get back to her training soon." Hinata took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. Steeling her gaze, she stared directly into her fathers eyes.

"I-I'm...well...ano...I'm pregnant."

Hiashi blinked twice. "I'm sorry, what?"

"I'm pregnant with a baby, Otou-san." Hiashi remained quiet, unsure if this was a joke or not. His shy daughter, Hinata, managed to get knocked up? It was preposterous in his mind.

"That is a very funny joke, Hinata." Hinata was surprised that her father did not believe her. She knew this might happen and had a backup plan just in case. Reaching into her ninja pouch, she pulled out a grainy black and white photo. A sonogram of her baby she'd just gotten the day before.

In the top right corner of the sonogram was the patient name and date. Hiashi nearly keeled over and had a heart attack. His teenage daughter, his first born, his little Hinata was pregnant? That means that she had...he shuddered to think about it.

"Who is the father?" This was the moment Hinata had been dreading all day.

"It's..ahh.. it's Uzumaki Naruto."

Hiashi set down his tea cup sharply. Closing his eyes, he couldn't even bare to look at his teenage daughter. Of course the father would be Minato's son. Hiashi remembered when Kushina had shared the news of her pregnancy with him and his wife, Hitomi. She'd once joked that they could end up in-laws. Hiashi didn't find it so funny at the time, not wanting his precious first born to date until she was thirty.

However, he made a promise to his late friends Kushina and Minato and he was going to keep that promise, no matter the cost.

He couldn't even begin to grasp the concept, really. A child? A baby? His daughter was still a child herself! Not to mention, this was a time of war. How would his daughter bare a child during such a turbulent time? And the council, they won't let his daughter alone if they found out and they will eventually find out. He had to do what was best for her. She would hate him now, but, maybe she could forgive him later.

"Get out. I don't want to see you right now. I'm very disappointed in you. Pack your things by tomorrow night and never step foot in the compound again. I assume you have living arrangements, if the child is Uzumaki's after all."

Hinata could feel the tears prick her eyes. Hiashi's heart nearly snapped in two. He schooled his emotions with years of practice, but the look in his daughters eyes was something even he could not bare to look at.

Without even a semblance of a reply, she quickly shut the shouji door. Paying no mind to any of the other Hyuga around her, she hastily ran from the compound and into the nearest brush of woods.

She sobbed and sobbed letting out her loss. What would she do now? It was only a matter of time before her father called her back to the compound to officially kick her out and strip her of her clan name.

She slowly stood up off the ground, her tears gradually drying up and her sobs turned into quiet hiccups. She had another being to be strong for. She had to be strong for her child and so she couldn't let herself show weakness.

Meanwhile, Hiashi pulled out the clan registrar from his office vault. He thanked Kami that he was smart enough to get all the elders of the council to sign the scroll ahead of time when it was first made up.

Scrolling down through the main branch members, she spotted his eldest daughter, Hyuga Hinata. With a heavy heart, he grabbed the ink brush and blotted our her name, using chakra to erase the old ink.

At the very bottom of the scroll, under a foreign branch, he wrote a new name. Satisfied, he sealed the scroll back up and locked it away in his vault. His daughter may hate him now, but, his grandchild would be safe and the promise he made to Minato and Kushina would be fulfilled and that was all that mattered.

Meanwhile, Hinata found herself seated on one of the stools of Ichiraku, indulging in her third bowl of pork ramen she'd been absolutely craving. This baby was definitely Naruto's.

"I haven't seen Naruto around, Hinata. Is he on a mission?" Ayame, Teuchi's daughter, had become good friends with the pale eyed teen ever since she had started her relationship with Naruto.

"Hai. Naruto-kun will not be back for another month." Ayame sighed, then chuckled to herself.

"At least with him gone, we won't go out of business." With a wink, Hinata blushed, glancing down at her nearly empty third bowl. Her stomach hadn't even began to feel full.

"You must miss him, to be eating that much ramen. It's almost as if he's possessed you or something." Ayame meant it as a joke, but Hinata nearly choked realizing how much truth there was to the statement.

Carrying his child inside her, one could call it that, in some weird, twisted sort of way. Hinata decided against her fourth bowl of ramen and would instead pick up some cinnamon rolls from her favorite bakery on her way home to Naruto's apartment.

"I do miss him quite a bit. But, he's a hero now, I can't hog him all to myself. The ninja world needs him, this mission is classified so I don't even know where he is." Ayame nodded sagely.

"That's true, but, you are also his girlfriend. You're practically his family and so he also has a duty to you as well." Hinata thanked Ayame and paid for her meal, taking in the older girls words.

He had a duty to them both, huh? Somehow, Hinata felt it wouldn't be in her nature to be selfish, no matter how much she wished she could be. Hinata didn't want Naruto to fight in the war, because he could die, and then where would that leave her unborn child and herself? But, Hinata knew where a ninja's duties lied, and the village always has and always will come first.

If Naruto doesn't save the world, there wouldn't be a world for Hinata and their child to live in.

'Looks like it's just me and you for now, baby. I can't wait to meet you.' As Hinata unlocked the door to her new home she wondered what their child would look like. Would it be a boy or a girl? Would they have lavender or blue yes? Blonde or Blue hair? Whiskers or no whiskers?

Hinata had a feeling though, as she ate her cinnamon rolls at the kitchen table, that their baby would be a boy. A little blonde boy as bright and beautiful as his father. Stripping off her clothes and throwing them in the newly bought hamper/laundry basket, she stared at her body in the full length mirror in their bedroom, marveling at her now noticeable small baby bump.

She was three months along now and would soon be entering her second trimester. She marveled at her raised belly, stroking it up and down. Their child was inside of her, growing, and each day Hinata could feel herself falling more and more in love with motherhood.

By the fourth month, Hinata had read that her baby bump would grow exponentially and she would no longer be able to hide it behind baggy jackets and loose shirts. She had no idea how she was going to tell Naruto, he'd certainly take one look at her and get a good guess of what was going on before she could even break the news to him.

Slipping on her chosen relaxation clothes ( a pair of boxers and a baggy shirt from Naruto) she settled down on the couch and cracked open the newest baby book Tsunade had lent her. She'd found these books extremely helpful, it made her feel less alone, knowing that millions of women had gone through the same ordeals throughout history.

She had a lot of things to prepare before Naruto's return still and these books covered everything from pregnancy to raising a child itself. Hinata would have to spend the next month not only finishing the bedroom and nursery, but also baby proofing the apartment.

The books had stated that babies and toddlers got into all sorts of trouble once they'd learned to walk and crawl and the last thing Hinata needed was her son getting into their Kunai sets.

Before she knew it, she'd fallen asleep, book in hand. A symptom of pregnancy was fatigue and it had Hinata deep within it's clutches. She felt like, if she let herself, she could practically fall asleep anywhere.

Next time on TTWBU, Naruto makes his grand return with new, telling information in tow. But will his reunion with Hinata go as either of them expected? Also, I feel like fanfiction portrays Hiashi WAY MORE EVIL then he actually is. Yes, he's strict, but, I've never seen him to vicious to Hinata in the Anime nor Manga and so I wrote him as such.

4: Escape The Fate

Disclaimer: I'm terrible at all types of fight scenes. I also don't own Naruto.

Note: There has been a one month time skip. Naruto is set to return and Hinata is just now entering her fourth month. Also, I have never had a child nor been pregnant and therefore I have absolutely no idea how an actual Obstetrics checkup would go, so I'm just going off my regular Gynecology appointments LOL also this is not proof read. I usually go back and do that later.

Hinata smiled affectionately at her stomach, sitting in the waiting room of Konoha Hospital. She was having her four month check up and so far she'd been coming along swimmingly. Today, Hinata was going to find out the gender of her baby. It was technically early (sixteen weeks) but Hinata just couldn't wait anymore. She needed to know she was having a boy.

Sure, she wished that Naruto was here to witness all these firsts, but, it was the life of a ninja and it couldn't be helped. "Hinata Hyuga?" one of the nurses called her name, offering her a warm smile. Hinata stood up slowly, smoothing down her new lavender ninja coat (the same one, just in a bigger size) because she still needed to conceal her pregnancy without being incredibly obvious.

She didn't want anyone else to know until Naruto found out.

Following the nurse, she stroked her belly affectionately. It had quickly become her new favorite habit, she did it all the time. It brought her comfort in the late night when the apartment would get lonely without Naruto's presence. She was never truly alone now, she had her own little sunshine.

"How are you feeling today Miss Hyuga? Any pain or concerns?"

"No, I've felt really well, besides the morning sickness that is. I seem to throw up all the time now." The nurse chuckled.

"Yes, that's very common for a lot of women, Miss Hyuga. I'm going to take your temperature and blood pressure, ask you a few questions, and then I'll let Sakura know you're here."

Hinata tensed at the mention of her comrade. Sakura couldn't find out, not yet anyway. She absolutely could not be seen by her boyfriends pink-haired teammate.

"Ano, um, is there anyway that I could be seen by another medic? It's personal." The nurse scanned through the list and then tapped her pencil next to a name.

"Aiko-san could do the examination, but she is with another patient, if you do not mind waiting I will send for her."

"That would be great thank you." The nurse smiled and wrote down some notes on Hinata's medical charts.

"Are you in any pain today?"

"No."

"Do you feel safe at home?"

"Yes."

"Have you had any thoughts of self harm or suicide in the past six months?"

"No." The nurse continued typing away on the keyboard, filling in the correct boxes.

"Great, everything seems to check out okay. I'll let Aiko know you're ready and she'll be in after she finishes up with her current patient."

Hinata smiled at the nurse gratefully, absentmindedly stroking her stomach. Her little baby would get an identity today and she couldn't wait to confirm what she already knew. She knew in her heart that her baby was going to be a boy.

She had already thought of the perfect name too, but, she wouldn't divulge that information until Naruto approved of the name as well.

Minutes ticked by and Hinata started to grow tired. The quiet of the white, sterile room seemed to make her eye lids feel like a thousand pounds. Nodding off every now and again, she barely registered the soft knocks of the door.

"Miss Hyuga?" Hinata snapped to attention, sitting up in her chair rather quickly. Aiko chuckled and sat down in the chair across from the examination table.

"So we're having our four month checkup, correct?" Hinata smiled happily.

"Yes, I'm just starting my fourth month." Aiko smiled.

"That's good to hear. Please take a seat on the exam table and we'll get the exam underway."

A certain blonde haired Shinobi practically kissed the ground of Konoha's entrance after being away for three long, grueling months. He cried anime tears, thinking about just who was in the Village and what he wanted to do with her.

"Wow Naruto, can you be any more pathetic?" The young Inuzuka boy purposely taunted the over excited male. Naruto glared.

"Shut it dog-breath!" Shikamaru had rubbed his temples so much within the last three months, he was sure there were permanent red marks from his fingers.

"I've had it. Let's report to the Hokage and be done with it. I don't want to see you all for at least 48 hours." Neji silently agreed, just about ready to kill the blonde ninja on site. He also had plans to pay a visit to a certain weapons oriented Kunoichi whom he'd missed dearly (but would never admit out loud).

Naruto practically sprinted towards the newly reconstructed Hokage Tower, eager to give the mission report so he could have some much needed attention from his smokin hot girlfriend. He'd missed the shy Kunoichi terribly and wanted nothing more than to give her a big hug and inhale the wonderful, relaxing scent that only came from Hinata Hyuga.

"BAA-CHAN! WE'RE BACK!" Naruto was never one for manners or tact and as such, barged right into Tsunade's office like he owned the place (and let's be honest, it was going to be his one day).

"BRAT! Who're you callin old huh? You better have a decent mission report for me!"

Naruto grinned and scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "Shikamaru actually has the report 'ttebayo. I just came to give you my verbal report. I have someone to see, I mean, places to be. Heh."

Tsunade shook her head. She knew everything about Hinata and her situation. If Naruto was the father of her child, then clearly the two were involved in some way. Even though they haven't officially gone pubic with their relationship yet, Naruto wasn't fooling anyone.

"Report then brat! I don't have all day." Naruto grumbled and squinted his blue yes at his makeshift grandmother. The old hag. He opened his mouth and his expression turned serious.

"After three months of observing the Amegakure hideout of the Akatsuki, we can confirm that the Akatsuki have recruited Uchiha Sasuke and he is currently tasked with tracking down the eight tails Jinchuriki Bee. Among Sasuke are three other ninja. A red haired female who seems to be a healer, a fish like guy carrying the sword Samehada, and finally a tall, orange haired man who seems to have some type of mental disorder. He can just go berserk in an instant, killing anything and everything in his path. The only one who seems to be able to tame him is Sasuke. Since the death of Nagato, the Akatsuki have mostly dispersed, however, there seems to be a new leader in the group. Shikamaru has the full report."

Tsunade sighed in her chair, rubbing her temples. She seemed to be doing that a lot lately, rubbing her temples. There was so much to worry about as Hokage, she was getting too old for this shit.

"Alright brat. I'll have the intelligence unit decipher the full mission report. You're free to leave. Dismissed." Naruto whooped in delight, jumping out of the Hokage tower window, his favorite way of exiting Tsunade's office.

He had one thing on his mind and one thing only.

Target and acquire the Byakugan Princess, his amazing girlfriend, Hinata Hyuga.

Hinata came out of the hospital feeling like a million bucks, her heart was swelling with happiness and pride. In her hand she had her most recent sonogram and in it detailed the babies gender.

She was so thrilled to finally know what the little baby inside her would be, and she immediately started to conjure up a whole plethora of names. Of course, she would discuss them with Naruto, but Hinata was just so full of love at that very moment.

She wished that she could share her good news, she was about to burst from the suspense, but, she knew that first and foremost Naruto needed to know about the baby. With a spring in her step, she made her way towards the market place, picking up some groceries so that she could make a nice dinner tonight in celebration of the sex of her baby.

She let her mind wander to her lovely boyfriend, hoping that he was safe wherever he was. Hinata couldn't bare the thought of loosing Naruto. He was her sunshine, her hero, she needed him in her life. And his son needed him in his life, too.

Carrying the hefty bag of groceries, she was pleasantly surprised by the unexpected help of Konohamaru, who'd spotted her down the road and offered to help carry her bags home.

"Don't worry Hinata-nee! Boss would kill me if I didn't take care of his girlfriend in his absence. Are you making him dinner tonight? He is supposed to be back in the village you know!"

Hinata nearly faltered, caught like a deer in headlights. Naruto was back? As in Naruto Uzumaki? As in her boyfriend who was on a mission for the last three months is home? That meant that Hinata would finally have the chance to tell Naruto about the baby! Except, she suddenly felt nervous as well.

In true Hinata fashion, her doubts started to settle in. What if Naruto didn't even want the baby? What if...what if he left her? I mean, Hinata would hope that Naruto would do the right thing and stay, but, she wouldn't force him and she didn't want Naruto to feel obligated to her just because of the baby.

"Hinata-nee did you hear me? I said Boss is back!" As if snapping out of her downward spiral, she smiled at him so brightly it made Konohamaru's heart flip.

"That's wonderful news Konohamaru-kun. All the more reason to make a good meal, ne?"

Naruto approached his apartment door, walking with his hands behind his head when he stopped cold, noticing that something was off.

The steps to his apartment looked...new? And his door...was it, was it painted differently? As his eyes glanced downward, he noticed a brand new, hardly used 'Welcome' matt.

Feeling as if something was not right, he quickly reached for a kunai and didn't let his guard fall. He slowly made his way towards the living room window and attempted to open it, except, he couldn't.

Naruto never locked his windows. Something was extremely off and Naruto was determined to get to the bottom of it!

Finally going back to the front door and unlocking it, he slowly walked into the darkened apartment. Reaching for the light switch on the side of the wall, he flicked on the lights and just about had the shock of his life.

His...his apartment...IT WAS GONE!

Extremely freaked out, he spread his chakra around the apartment, hoping to sense if there were any intruders within the vicinity. Finding none, he was at a loss for words. This was definitely his apartment, that he was sure of, but...but he couldn't fathom what had happened to it.

Everything was new and it looked so expensive!

Hearing the lock on his front door click open and two voices on the other side, Naruto suppressed his chakra and practically dove into hiding, making sure he could observe without being seen.

When the door opened, he was surprised to see Konohamaru carrying a few bags of groceries, followed by his beloved Hinata with a bag of her own. He noticed that Hinata looked different. Bigger almost, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it.

Konohamaru set the bags on the table and surveyed the new and improved apartment. Everything looked amazing. Hinata really did have good taste.

"Whoa! Hinata-nee did you remodel this whole apartment?" Hinata giggled at the small Genin's obvious wonder of the apartment.

"Hai, Ino-chan and I spent the last few months slowly remodeling Naruto's apartment. I...I wanted to give Naruto back even just a little bit of what he's given to me and the Village. He's saved this village so many times, he's a hero, and while I can't do much for him, I thought I could at least give him comfortable living conditions."

Meanwhile, Naruto was practically buried in shock and surprise. Hinata did this? His wonderful, amazing, shy girlfriend remodeled his whole apartment because she thought he deserved it at the very least?

It was too much. Naruto felt his heart swell. No one had ever cared enough to give him a present before and Hinata had given him such an expensive one. It was his first, real gift and he felt tears prick his eyes.

"Say, did Naruto give you a key to his apartment before he left?" Hinata blushed at being found out. She didn't want to lie, but, she also didn't want to tell the truth.

"No, I found his spare key. Konohamaru, can you keep a secret?" Konohamaru nodded, eager to hear whatever juicy secret Hinata was about to impart on him. Naruto was also curious, and used a bit of Kyuubi's chakra to strain his ears to hear better.

"The reason I have this key is because I am living here. I gave up my Hyuga name while Naruto was gone." Naruto's eyebrows furrowed in anger as he let out an inaudible growl. She gave up her name? What could have possibly happened that she was no longer a Hyuga?

'Kit, that's your Mate! How dare the clan try to mess with her? Let me out of here! I'll tear them limb from limb.'

''Eh, quiet you damn fox. I'm already upset 'ttebayo!.'

"They did what?! Boss isn't going to be happy when he finds out." Hinata grimaced as she unpacked the groceries.

"That's what I'm afraid of. I know how Naruto-kun can be when it comes to the Hyuga. I don't want him to know. I don't want anything to do with the clan."

"Is that also why you remodeled the apartment?" Konohamaru fiddled with a few pieces of paper on Naruto's brand new kitchen table. Reaching for an envelope, he opened it up. Inside the envelope was a...sonogram? The name Hinata Hyuga was in the corner and boy was in the bottom corner with an arrow point to the babies gender.

"Ano, not the whole reason, just one of them." Konohamaru's eyes practically bugged out in shock. He quickly shoved the sonogram back into the envelope and left it back on the table. Nodding at Hinata in acceptance he took the time to really observe the young Hyuga girl.

Her hips seemed...wider? Her boobs were definitely bigger...and now that he thought about it, Hinata's jacket was pretty tight around her midsection, it even seemed to be a size bigger than her old jacket.

Could she really be pregnant? Is the father Naruto? Konohamaru thought it wise not to say a word. It was obvious Hinata was keeping the pregnancy a secret and Naruto would kill him if he made Hinata cry.

"Well, I should be on my way! Moegi and Udon are waiting for me at the training grounds." Hinata wrapped her arms around the young boy, careful to keep her stomach at a distance.

"Thank you so much for your help today Konohamaru-kun. I'll make sure Naruto knows you took care of me in his absence. He really cares about you. Have fun training!"

Konohamaru blushed, completely thrown off guard from the hug, but he enjoyed it none the less.

Naruto stayed in hiding, absolutely having an internal meltdown. He was trying his very best to process everything that had just happened, but was really having a hard time doing it. The foxes commentary was unhelpful as well.

"Bye Hinata-nee-chan!"

Once Konohamaru left Hinata picked up the small white envelope and smiled, bringing it to her chest. Her baby was beautiful and she couldn't wait to meet the little guy. Shrugging off her jacket, she reached for her orange apron and tied it around her bulging stomach.

Smiling affectionately, she patted her belly a few times as she pulled various ingredients out of her shopping bag. "Okay baby, we should get started on dinner for Naruto-kun's return! Should we make him ramen?" Hinata giggled to herself and started to prepare the meal.

Meanwhile, Naruto's mental comprehension was at max capacity. He stood there behind the bathroom door, frozen. Baby? What did Hinata mean by baby? Who was she talking too?

As Naruto slowly pushed open the bathroom door, he looked across the small hallway into his bedroom and if he hadn't already died from heart palpitations, this one was sure to do him in.

His small twin sized bed was now replaced with a sleek and modern looking double bed. His messy room was neatly cleaned and organized and...wait wait wait...was that a crib?

There was a whole nursery in his bedroom!

His brain had officially failed him. He couldn't handle this. He needed answers and he needed them now.

"HINATA!" He sprinted back into the kitchen, startling the Hyuga so bad she jumped up from the stove, dropping her ladle on the floor.

"N-Naruto-kun! You...you're...here? I mean...um..." Hinata was lost for words, still reeling from the shock of Naruto's appearance. How did he get in here? Hinata didn't hear the door open nor did she detect her boyfriends presence at all.

Had he been here the whole time? She might faint if that were the case.

As Naruto observed his petite girlfriend, still holding a surprised look on her face and facing him full on, he almost fell over when he noticed her obviously pregnant stomach.

He started to hyperventilate.

"Naruto-kun are you okay?" Hinata was scared. What if Naruto was angry with her?

"Hinata you're...you...this...the apartment...what?" Hinata immediately ran to her boyfriend, steadying him and trying to calm him down. She felt saddened at his nearly hysterical state.

"Yes. I fixed up the apartment for the future, Naruto-kun. I...I am pregnant with your son. Our son."

Naruto couldn't fathom the news.

Son. Hinata was pregnant with his son.

Naruto shakily backed away, reaching for the door handle. "Hinata I, I need to...to go. I am going over to Shikamaru's."

He sprinted out the door, forgetting to close it in his rush. Hinata watched the retreating back of the only man she'd ever loved, tears gently fell down her face. She rubbed her belly for comfort, as if consoling the small life inside her.

Where would things end up now? Hinata knew their relationship couldn't handle this. How was she supposed to depend on Naruto, when he was also a teenager just like herself?

She looked at the boiling ramen on the stove and the forgotten ladle on the floor. Picking up the ladle, she dropped it into the sink and turned off the stove burners. She sat on the couch in silence, crying for everything that had just happened and everything that was about too.

Some welcome back she gave him, huh?

HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE. SO. How do you like things so far? Did the reunion go the way you expected it too?

Because of the premise of this story, it will follow canon...and then it also won't at the same time. I don't want to classify this as a total AU, but it will eventually become more AU then canon.

Also, I've had a couple people PM me about future Boruto characters and pairings so I want to set the record straight.

I do not like BoruSara. It's like a neo-NaruSaku and I just can't do it. So no, Boruto will NEVER like Sarada in any romantic way in my story. As such, THERE WILL BE NO BORUSARA. DON'T ASK ME FOR IT. I don't like Sakura, I never have, so why am I going to pair her child with my beloved Boruto when I can pair him with Sumire!

I am 110% a BoruSumi shipper. BoruSumi will be a set pairing. I'd already decided this before I started writing this story as well as how I'm going to work it into this story. HOWEVER. Guys. I'm literally only 4 chapters into my story. They're not even born yet! Relax, and enjoy the Naruto progression. We will get to all the Boruto characters in due time. Also, please remember that Boruto will be older than the other characters.

LASTLY, I'm honestly really shocked and taken aback at all the feedback I'm receiving at only 4 chapters! 20 reviews? Guys you're awesome! I'm so glad you're enjoying my story. I started reading on this website in 2006 (I'm 25) and made my first story on here in 2008. There were SO MANY GREAT STORIES back then, such classic NaruHina's too, and when I scroll through the NaruHina tag now, I find most fanfics severely lacking in content, abandoned, or just all around terrible.

The stories that do manage to catch my interest are abandoned/discontinued. LITERALLY LIKE 10/10 IT ALWAYS HAPPENS. So, I hope that you stick along for the ride, are patient with my updates (I'm by no means fast or regular), and let me show you how OLD SCHOOL NaruHina writers do it! :D Because, technically, I've been writing NaruHina since 2008.

PPS: Please send me your feedback! What do you agree with? What don't you like? What would you like to see in the future? Please drop a review and let me know! Till next time!

5: The Beginnings of Strategy

Disclaimer: I'm terrible at all types of fight scenes. I also don't own Naruto.

Hinata felt her back hit the soft fabric of Naruto's bed sheets and Naruto's body descended on top of her own, peppering light kisses down her jawline and neck. Her shirt had been lost in the fray some time ago, her ample chest on display for Naruto's viewing pleasure.

Naruto looked into Hinata's lavender eyes, intoxication reflecting in his own, and uttered her name under his breath. He gently dragged his fingers up Hinata's side, sending goosebumps along her skin. As his hand came to rest upon it's destination, he smiled as he cupped one of her breasts in his right hand. He drew his thumb lightly across her hardened nipple, causing Hinata to squirm underneath him in a silent pleasure.

The sensations Hinata was feeling, heightened by her own intoxication, were delightful. It was nothing like she dreamed of and a thousand times more satisfying then her own hands could ever be.

Hinata dragged her hands up and down Naruto's shirtless torso, feeling his hardened abs against her palms. She felt her left hand graze over the elastic band of Naruto's boxers and slipped her small hand into them as she had earlier on the couch, gripping Naruto's hardened erection. She could feel him twitch at her touch and her chest filled with satisfaction as he let out her name.

She was on cloud nine.

Having enough of being teased, Naruto took action. Naruto slowly slid off her panties, anxious to taste her untouched treasure. With a smirk, he descended upon the pink, glistening folds of Hinata's vagina and experimentally ran his tongue in between her labia. Hinata's moans of approval were enough motivation to keep going.

Come hell or high water, he was going to make the Hyuga heiress scream his name in ecstasy.

Naruto was running at breakneck speed towards Shikamaru's clan compound.

A baby. His baby. His son.

Naruto was downright terrified. Any teenage father would be, let alone a ninja father. He wasn't sure what to feel or what to even think, because to Naruto, a baby was the farthest thing from his mind; especially as he'd only just figured out that he liked Hinata as a woman.

Being a father? It spooked Naruto, especially because he'd never known his own. He grew up an orphan, all alone. How could he be a father, when he never had one to learn from in the first place? He never had the guidance of his father and he wasn't sure what a father was to be honest.

This was also a time of war.

How would Naruto be around for Hinata and his unborn child and be on the battlefield at the same time? There were so many unanswered questions with no known answer. What if's flew through Naruto's mind at an inhuman speed. He had no confidence that he could even provide for the both of them. Hell, Naruto wasn't even sure what love was and if that would be enough for Hinata and their unborn child.

Naruto knew how babies were made, of course. Training with the legendary pervert for three years taught him everything he ever needed to know, yet, he couldn't even fathom that it had happened to him after his first time.

They had always been safe. Naruto knew about contraceptives and they had used those in conjunction with the pill. It made no sense to Naruto, who had trouble recalling even one time that they were not safe.

Of course, contraceptives are not always 100% effective, but this was just shocking. Naruto had heard stories of teenage ninja falling pregnant...none of them ever ended with a happily ever after.

And Hinata, how would the village think of her? Not only was she practically a princess, but she was also apart of the main branch of the Hyuga clan! For her to be pregnant out of wedlock, would the village shun her? Her clan already had, so whose to say they wouldn't?

Naruto couldn't bare the thought of the villagers treating Hinata like they used to treat him as a child, complete with harsh whispers and hard glares. His stomach clenched and his heart tightened at the mere thought that Hinata could be turned into the village pariah just for carrying his child.

Landing on Shikamaru's front yard, he practically ran up to the front door, knocking like a madman. "Shikamaru! Shikamaru open up I have an emergency!"

From the comfort of Shikamaru's bed, he groaned when he heard Naruto's obnoxiously loud voice. He'd just gotten away from seeing the blonde loud mouth after three months, yet, not even 6 hours later was he on his door step, going on about something.

With a sigh of frustration, he threw his bed covers off himself, slipping on his house slippers and throwing on his, yes, robe.

"This is so troublesome. I'm coming hold on." Shikamaru thought to himself that this better damn well be an emergency, or he was going to strangle Naruto with this Kage Mane. He wanted sleep, away from the blonde loud mouth. He just wanted to sleep for Kami's sake. He hadn't had a good nap in three months.

When Shikamaru opened the door, he'd never seen the boy so frantic. With a questioning gaze, he urged Naruto to continue.

"I fucked up. I really, really fucked up."

Shikamaru sighed. "How Naruto. How did you fuck up?" Shikamaru had no time for this bullshit.

Naruto took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "Hinata is pregnant with my son."

Just saying the words out loud for the first time freaked him out even more. If he acknowledges this dilemma in person, it makes it all the more real. Hinata really was pregnant with his child and he was going to be a father.

Shikamaru nearly stumbled back in shock. That was definitely the last thing he expected to come out of the young Shinobi's mouth.

"Okay, okay Naruto. Slow down and explain to me the whole story." Shikamaru sat on the front porch and Naruto followed like a zombie. Shikamaru was immediately running through scenarios and strategies. This baby, it changed everything. Not just in the village, but in the war as well.

"Well, I was coming to my apartment after giving ol Baa-chan the verbal mission report and I noticed that things were...different. My apartment, it was fixed up real nice like, it freaked me out 'ttebayo. When I entered my apartment, everything was new. My living room, kitchen, everything had been repainted and modernized ya know? Then, I heard Hinata coming into the apartment along with Konohamaru who was helping with the groceries, and hid because I had initially wanted to surprise her. I overheard her conversation with Konohamaru about how she'd denounced her clan name and was no longer apart of the Hyuga clan. I didn't suspect anything at first, and it wasn't until I peaked into the bedroom that I was able to piece together enough information on the situation. Inside my bedroom was an unopened box with a picture of a crib on it, propped up against the wall and seemingly hidden next to a changing table. I immediately freaked out and confronted Hinata. In hindsight, I shouldn't have scared the crap out of her, but, when she turned around from whatever she was cooking, I could see her small baby bump. It was abrupt. I couldn't think of anything other than to step away from the situation because I had just taken in so much information. So I ran as fast as I could to the smartest man I know because I know you could help me sort all of this out."

Shikamaru let out a shaky breath, eyes closed in thought. This was a very troublesome situation. But first, without warning Shikamaru swung his fist at Naruto, knocking him in the chest.

"YAH! What was that for?"

Shikamaru smirked. "For being an idiot. How could you just leave Hinata? She's sensitive, she's probably a crying mess, thinking you walked out on her."

Naruto scratched his neck awkwardly. "Oh, I didn't really think of that 'ttebayo! I just-I just couldn't think because I got freaked out. What do I do? I don't even know how to be a father! What is a father? And I don't even know if I love Hinata. I mean, I like her a lot, she's kind and sweet and beautiful, but what is love? How do I know if I love Hinata? I have never been told I was loved before by a girl. I just don't understand."

Shikamaru stared at his shougi piece as he twirled it between his fingers. There were a lot of things that had to be solved, questions needed to be answered, and most importantly a game plan would need to be set in place. Shikamaru could safely assume the Hokage already knew about this situation. However, if the Akatsuki find out that Naruto has a child, it will be in danger as well as Hinata.

It was a sticky situation, with one wrong move spelling disaster. Shikamaru would need some time to think on it. In the meantime, he should probably send this idiot back to Hinata.

"Look, this is a very complicated matter that we can't just fix in a few hours. Let me think on things and come back a few days from now, I'll have something for you. In the meantime, go back to Hinata. She's probably worried sick about you. My advice to you Naruto is talk to her. Talk about the situation together, because I can promise you that she is equally as terrified as you are. She is also sixteen and still a teenager herself."

Naruto smiled and jumped up, throwing his fist in the air. "You're right Shikamaru! I shouldn't have jumped the gun like that. I just needed to get my head on straight. I am scared, but, I'm Uzumaki Naruto and I never go back on my words 'ttebayo!"

"Okay, go now! I'll see you in a few days." Shikamaru stood up as Naruto ran off and wasted no time entering his home and crawling back into his bed. Finally, he could get that much needed rest.

With a sigh of relief, he pulled the covers back over himself, burrowing his head into his soft, cloud like pillow. All was right in the world, as he visualized the inside of his eyelids.

"SHIKA, WAKE UP! IT'S DINNER TIME." The scream of his mother abruptly snapped his eyes open.

Troublesome.

Hinata's sobs had quieted long ago, having fallen asleep on the spacious couch. With a hand draped over her stomach, she slept soundly, exhausted from the emotional trauma she'd just gone through.

The door shutting had woken Hinata's senses, she immediately jerked up into a defensive stance. When she saw her boyfriend standing at the front door, a fresh set of sobs escaped her lips as she ran up to him, hugging him for dear life.

"I-I thought you left me! I was so scared. Naruto-kun, I'm sorry that I ruined your life. I'm sorry that I put us in this situation. I'll understand if you want no part of this child, I won't force you, but, I can't loose you! Finally, finally after all these years I have Naruto-kun and I can't bare to let you go."

Naruto felt like a real asshole. He pulled Hinata tighter into his embrace, burying his head into her hair, inhaling her pleasant and calming scent as she cried.

"Nata-chan...I could never abandon you. You're carrying our son, you're the mother of our child, and I would never turn my back on my own blood. I've always wanted to have a family, just, not this soon 'ttebayo! I was scared and nervous. I'm an orphan, ya know? I never had a family, I don't know what it's like to be a father or what a father even is! I don't know what I should do. Even now, I'm scared and I just want this all to go away."

Hinata stared deeply into Naruto's blue eyes, lost in the emotions flitting across them. She was so glad. "I'm scared too, Naruto-kun. I have not only put you in danger, but I've also put the village in danger. If you couldn't fight because of me and the baby, I would never forgive myself. I know that this is all a mistake, but, we can't take it back and we can't undo it. I am scared too, but, you've always given me strength and courage. I always used to cry and give up, but your smile saved me. I know that we can figure this out together. I love you, Naruto-kun and I will do whatever I have to for you and our baby. I never go back on my words because that too is my nindo, my ninja way."

Naruto gave Hinata a gentle kiss on the lips, channeling everything he was feeling into that one kiss. Hinata eagerly reciprocated, melting in Naruto's strong arms. When they broke apart for air, Naruto pulled Hinata towards the couch and onto his lap.

Naruto snaked his arms around his girlfriends torso, resting his hands on her small bump. The action nearly brought a fresh set of tears to her eyes. "Now, why don't you start from the very beginning, properly this time, and then we'll go from there?" Hinata nodded and started to recount everything that had happened since he'd gone on his mission three months ago.

Elsewhere

A raven haired teen with red eyes and three others made their way through the trees, heading towards their destination at breakneck speed. The time was upon them and they were going to put there plan into action. After learning the truth from Madara, Sasuke had his own plans.

In order to carry them out, he needed to first start with the ROOT of the problem.

Shiramura Danzo would have a chidori through his chest and rest assured, Sasuke would make sure of that.

Don't get comfortable yet guys, there's still plenty of drama to come. Naruto still has to figure out his feelings, doesn't he? Ahh, to be young. There are a lot of unknown variables and too many questions that need answered.

Sasuke is finally making his move, how exciting! Naruto may be called to the battlefield sooner than he thinks. As always, thank you guys so much for reviewing! It makes me want to write this story more ;) But in all seriousness, the feedback I have gotten so far has helped me immensely and I do listen and take advice into consideration.

I also want to clear up a little misunderstanding. I may have come off too strong in my last A/N. I do not like Sakura, yes, but I am not so immature as to completely write her out of stories or bash her. I actually love Sasuke almost as much as Naruto, and as such I have to like Sarada at least 50%. I just don't think that Sarada and Boruto compliment each other at all, so I just don't care for that pairing, just like I don't for NaruSaku.

Regardless, thank you all so much for your continued support! Please drop a review and tell me what you liked, disliked, etc. I can only make this story better if I know where the faults in it are after all!

Also, in case you guys haven't noticed, this story is rated M and will eventually have full lemons in it. As for now, you'll just be getting the flashbacks of their first time throughout the story.

Also, I've noticed that a lot of the lemons on this site are unrealistic. I'm gonna be honest guys, I'm 24 with quite a bit of experience. As such, I will be writing my lemons based off my realistic experiences. I often find that, while lemons are nice to read, they can get pretty awkward if not done properly and it turns me off if the lemon is too unrealistic.

Does anyone else notice these things too? For instance, semen does not taste good! It doesn't taste like ramen, it's not pleasant, it's just sticky and salty (I'm female). Also, guys don't just get up and have sex right away again after they ejaculate. It takes AT LEAST an hour, if not two or three. Also, all of the men I've ever dated, have said that having sex two or three times a day can actually be painful. The penis is a muscle and you can overuse it.

Anyway, that's my two cents, what do you guys think?

Till next time, folks!

PS: Did anyone catch the hidden pun in this chapter? Brownie points if you do!

74Chapter 6: The Misfire Of Strategy

Disclaimer: I'm terrible at all types of fight scenes. I also don't own Naruto.

Shikamaru sighed in frustration, staring at the same Shogi board he'd been looking at for the last two hours. Nothing that he thought of could possibly fix the incredibly complicated situation Naruto and Hinata had put themselves in.

It was evident that battle would be upon them soon, with Naruto leading the charge. But a child? It put a wrench in everything. For once, the great genius was stumped.

"Shikamaru, what seems to trouble you? You've been staring at this shogi board for two hours. Care to share?" Shikaku Nara was Konoha's best and top strategist. There was never a problem he couldn't think or solve his way through. Whatever had been plaguing his sons mind, it must have been quite the dilemma.

Shikamaru groaned. He was basically sworn to secrecy. It would be improper for anyone to know of Naruto's situation until both him and Hinata come forward and explain it themselves.

He also knew his father. He wouldn't just leave the matter alone, either. Shikaku was as much nosy as he was smart, and for that Shikamaru was in a catch twenty two. But maybe he didn't have to tell him exactly who.

"Let's say, hypothetically, a girlfriend of an important teen ninja in the war were to become pregnant. We are in a time of war, and that particular ninja would now become a liability as well as a target and danger because of who the child's father is. Said ninja had then sought the advice of his really smart friend, who said he would need time to think of a solution, but has yet to come up with one. How do you get yourself out of this situation?"

Shikaku was taken aback. But the answer was simple. "It's actually very simple son. You don't. A child is not something that you can take back. This "child" is here to stay and all the ninja can do is work around the circumstances. The ninja in question will not only have to grow up quickly, but they must also learn to keep a cool and level head when in battle despite knowing there is a child on the way. They will have to fight like hell to protect what they have created. You tell Uzumaki that the Nara's will be here for Hinata if he needs us."

Shikamaru sputtered. "How did you know who I was talking about?"

Shikaku smirked. "Son, I'm not the top Intel adviser for nothing. What other important ninja is currently the target of the Akatsuki in the village, is a teen, and is essential to winning the war? Don't worry, your secret is safe with me. However, you tell Uzumaki he needs to have a serious talk with the Hokage. This cannot be a secret much longer."

Shikamaru nodded and stared at his shogi board once again.

"Up for a quick game, Dad?"

"Well I was hoping you'd ask, son!"

Tsunade rubbed her temples, a headache coming on by the minute.

The latest Intel report was not good. The Raikage not only wanted Sasuke's head for trying to capture his brother, the eight tails, but now Danzo was a concern.

It was frustrating.

She eyed the bottle of sake and cup on her desk and grabbed it quickly, shooting the whole thing in one gulp. She was too old for this job and wanted nothing more than to gamble the rest of her life away.

Then there was also the fact that one of her Kunoichi was pregnant and unable to even fight in the war, let alone the father who was essential to winning the war. It was all one huge mess.

She wished Jiraiya were still here.

The old pervert had to go and leave her, huh? Seemed to be that every man in her life was destined to leave in one way or another.

"Shizune!"

Rapid footsteps and a door opened up.

"Hai, Tsunade-Sama?"

"Assemble the other Kage. We need to have an emergency meeting. And ready the ANBU, we're going to start shipping out."

Shizune was shocked. She knew that things were bad and tensions were rising, however, to go to war this soon? She hadn't even thought about it.

"Tsunade-Sama are you sure?"

The Hokage nodded.

"Send for Naruto as well. He'll know what I am talking about. It's time he masters Kyubi's chakra. I want him to go to Mt. Myoboku stat."

"But, Hinata..." Tsunade sighed.

"She will be fine. She is a Kunoichi of Konoha. She knows where her duty lies. Hinata will do her best to protect their child as will Naruto. Please send for him."

Weeks had past since Hinata had broken the news to Naruto.

At first things were great, like a honeymoon stage. They both delighted in their pregnancy, imagining what it would be like to raise their son, who he would take after more, etc.

Hinata couldn't believe they were actually doing this, setting up the crib in Naruto's tiny bedroom after Naruto suggested it. Naruto was hunched over a bunch of wooden pieces, all in a disarray. A look of frustration was on his face.

Hinata sighed as she observed him reading the directions for assembly. Despite his reassurance of support, she couldn't help but feel a slight shift in their relationship.

It was becoming strained, acting like everything would workout and that they would deal with this baby. It was a small change, undetectable to an outsider, but to Hinata it was as if an earthquake had shattered their foundation. They were just two teenagers in love, enjoying the throws of passion. Now they were going to be parents.

Naruto had begun pulling away slightly. Whether on purpose or subconsciously she didn't know, but Naruto always seemed to avoid talking about their future. It felt like they were just playing house. Hinata felt Naruto was only doing these things BECAUSE of it being the right thing to do and not necessarily because he finds his own joy in the matter.

Don't get me wrong, Naruto has so much love for his child, it just wasn't an ideal time and they weren't ready for this. Hinata wasn't sure how much longer they could pretend their normality, but Hinata would have rather been rejected, then having to fake whatever this was.

Hinata herself wasn't ready, for anything. They'd just barely started their relationship six months ago and yet it feels like this is all too much. It's like a house of cards waiting to tumble.

They talked extensively about it after Hinata had initially broke the news, and things seemed okay the week after, but Hinata knew better.

They were not okay. Naruto was not okay. This whole situation was not okay and Hinata felt helpless. "Naruto-kun, maybe we should take a break? We don't have to do all these preparations right away."

Naruto sighed and put down the crib pieces. "You're right. We have been at this for a few hours. I'm starving!"

Hinata waved her boyfriend over to the kitchen, where she had a stir-fry waiting on the table accompanied by Shrimp Tempura. Naruto's mouth practically watered at the sight. He could never turn away Hinata's cooking. It was the best.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Hinata finally gathered her courage to broach the subject that had been on her mind as of late.

"How do you want to tell everyone the news?"

Naruto froze, chop stick poised in front of his open mouth. He blew out hot air, putting down the chop sticks. "Hinata I don't want to tell anyone who doesn't have to know. I want you to be safe and the more people who know, the easier it will be to target you should something leak."

Hinata frowned at the thought. He wanted to keep things a secret? "But Naruto-kun, when people see my stomach they're going to know we're expecting. Don't you want our friends to know?"

"Of course I do, Hinata-chan, but we can't take that risk. There is nothing about this situation that's typical. My enemies are too powerful, we can't take chances in a time of war. I talked with Shikamaru and Baa-chan about everything last week and I think it would be best for you to be away from the village for the rest of your pregnancy. We can't risk the Akatsuki finding out about you and our child. I can't loose the both of you. I can't take the risk of you being in Konoha should it come under attack, either. I also can't risk our child being anywhere near the front lines, if you are kidnapped and used against me, it's not just my life in the balance."

Hinata stood up from the table. She'd only been truly upset a few times in her life, but never at Naruto.

She was in disbelief.

"Is that why you've been distant all week? Because you didn't know how to tell me you're forcing me and our child into hiding? Naruto-kun I won't hide like a coward. I am a ninja!"

"But Hinata you don't understand! These men, the Akatsuki, they're brutal. You saw and fought against Pein. I can't let you jump in and save me again, especially when there is another life to protect. You will be heavily pregnant soon and you cannot use your chakra now as it is. I won't have you or our son taken away from me. This war is too dangerous. It's your duty first and foremost to protect our child. This decision is final."

Hinata knew Naruto was right. For once, he was making a logical and sound decision. She just felt hurt and frustrated about everything.

Most expectant mothers can have a happy pregnancy, taking joy in the fact they are expecting a child and sharing the good news with friends while they prepare for their arrival. They can be doted on by their loving husband.

The same couldn't be said for Hinata.

The father of her child would be off in the center of a Shinobi war and for the foreseeable future will not be present for the rest of the pregnancy. Hinata will have to carry out the rest of this on her own. She will have to give birth on her own and even raise their son on her own, for however long this war will take. It broke Hinata's heart, knowing that Naruto would not be there.

It hurt, and it sucked, and she knew she was silly to think up all these ideal fantasies, but she couldn't help it. She was carrying the child of the love of her life and she had finally attained his affection. It was hard not to relish in the fact. It was hard not to want the perfect, fairy tale life.

What Naruto said had resonated with Hinata. Your duty first and foremost is to protect our child.

She could feel tears start to fall down her cheek. She held back a sob with her left hand, leaning on the table for support, head down. "It's, it's not fair. It's not fair..."

Naruto immediately got up to comfort his girlfriend. He couldn't imagine how she must be feeling in all of this. For Naruto, he was the village hero and as such he was expected to play a huge part in the war. His priority had to not only be on Hinata and their son, but also on the lives of Konoha.

It was all too much in such a short amount of time. Naruto hardly felt like a teenager anymore. It seemed like so long ago when Team 7 would eat ramen together with Kakashi-Sensei. Times were much simpler back then.

"Hinata..."

"Do you want this, Naruto-kun?" The look in Hinata's eyes sent Naruto staggering. He'd never seen such a somber, desperate look in her beautiful eyes that glistened with tears. Did he want what? This life? This baby?

The short answer was yes, he absolutely wanted to build a family with Hinata someday. The long answer, however, was that he wanted it to be in a time of peace, when he was an adult and could financially support a family. He was technically still classified as a Gennin, and had the salary of one, even though he'd received a generous sum of money after the fight with Pein.

The whole situation was screwed up.

"I-I do Hina, it's just, it's just not a good time, ya know? I wanted this someday, I still want this someday, but right now we have to do what we can with what we have. Baa-chan thinks that this would be the best option. I want you and our child to be safe, 'ttebayo! This is the only way I know how to do that. I'm sorry that I've been so distant, I didn't mean to be. I just, I just needed to prepare."

Hinata quietly cried into Naruto's chest. This was all wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

"So why did you suggest we set up the crib? Why did you suggest we prepare your bedroom and buy baby clothes when we won't even be here to use them? Naruto you have to be honest with me. We screwed this all up, but we're a team, and teammates don't pull away from each other, they come together in times of adversity. I mean, we...we don't even have a name picked out! We never even discussed it."

Naruto frowned, ruffling his blonde hair. His blue eyes closed in thought. He took a deep breath and opened them back up again.

"Hinata I know I didn't go about this the right way, and I'm sorry."

Hinata stared directly into Naruto's eye. She bit her lip, contemplating what to say next. She was so confused about everything. But before she could get a grip on her emotions, the words spilled out like vomit.

"I'm sorry? Is that all you can say? How can I believe you, when you've never even said I love you?" Hinata immediately regretted those words. She wished she could take them back, that the floor could just open up and swallow her whole.

The words slapped Naruto in the face, harshly. His shoulders tensed, his eye's widened, and suddenly he felt clammy. Love? Naruto wasn't even sure what love was. He knew he cared about Hinata more than his own life and would do anything for her, but was that love?

She was right, though. He never did say it back, did he?

Naruto stepped closer to Hinata, opening his mouth the respond. Hinata held up her hand, signaling that she didn't want to hear it.

A knock at the door surprised them both. Turning their attention to the door, a second knock was heard. Hinata deflated, no longer feeling anger, just sadness. She glanced towards Naruto, sorely regretful. Even so, she couldn't keep the bitter sting out of her voice.

"I'll pack the things I'll be needing for my...time away. I'll put away the crib parts, too. It looks like you're going to be summoned."

Naruto had his back turned to Hinata, he heard soft footsteps and the sound of the bedroom door shutting. Naruto, frazzled, opened the door. Two ANBU stood in front of him, fully garbed. Hinata had been right.

"Tsunade-Sama has sent for you. Meet her at the Hokage tower for your next mission."

Hinata and four other ANBU stepped quietly through the Konoha Gates. Garbed in a hooded, black cloak and ANBU mask, the Hyuga was virtually unrecognizable.

It was only a few days after their fight that Hinata would be sent to the secret hideout. In the dead of night, surrounded by the best of the best, her and their son made the dangerous trek.

She sighed and rubbed her belly under her cloak. Things with Naruto had been tense when he returned from the Hokage tower. They hardly spoke at all and certainly never broached the topic of their fight again.

Hinata held up well, saying goodbye and promising to protect their child. Naruto promised he would return to her, safe, and that after this was all over they would do things right. Whatever that meant, Hinata couldn't be sure, but she tried her hardest to remain tough.

It was only now, in the dead of night and behind her ANBU mask, did she allow her tears to fall freely, silently weeping into the dark expanse of the forest.

She loved Naruto so much. She loved their child so much. She loved them both so much and knew she had to be strong and do what was needed of her. After taking some time to think on their fight, she realized how immature and foolish she was acting. She'd said a lot of words she didn't mean and in turn hurt not only Naruto but herself as well.

But could you blame her? She was only sixteen after all and yet a young teen herself.

As she drew further and further away from Konoha, carrying their precious son, she could only hope that the damage hadn't already been done.

OOF.

3k words. A big chapter lol

So no time for celebrations and a little angst in the chapter huh? I tried to portray their young, teenage sides. Hinata being irrationally angry, Naruto only focusing on what's best and not necessarily how that effects their relationship. I am long past my teenage years so it's very hard to put myself back into the mindset of young, inexperienced teens who have a baby on the way.

It seems like these events are going to drastically alter things! This is where things will get exciting. Who will turn the tide for Naruto without Hinata on the front lines with him? Will Neji still sacrifice his life for Naruto? Will Naruto be able to master Kurama's chakra easier or more difficult with his mind occupied on his fight with Hinata?

Will Hinata give birth alone? How will Boruto come to get his name? How will these things change the course of history? It's so fun to see how you can put a new spin on canon. This is where things will basically be AU, as if this already wasn't AU enough lol.

Did you expect this story to take a turn already? Or did you expect more fluff? Can you guess how the future is going to play out?

Comment your feedback! I love to read your comments, they give me LIFE! Shit is about to get real. In a war, time is a luxury that unfortunately NaruHina do not have.

74Chapter 7: Re-Examine

Disclaimer: I'm terrible at all types of fight scenes. I also don't own Naruto.

Hinata was exhausted.

Traveling while pregnant was extremely hard on the body, even to a powerful Kunoichi like Hinata. She could feel her lower back throb with each step she took, incredibly sore feet and swollen ankles accompanied.

She refused to ask her ANBU for help.

She was strong and dependable. She would do this all on her own. It was very clear that she would be receiving no help from Naruto (it was no fault of his own) and as such, a small setback such as body pain was nothing she could not handle.

They had been traveling for most of the night, the serene views of orange, pink, and red dipped the early morning sky like a canvas. During full daybreak, they would set up camp and sleep. They had strict instructions according to the ANBU. They were to travel only at night, under the cover of the trees and moonlight.

It was too risky to move during the day.

She nearly cried in relief when, after two more hours of travel, they had finally stopped to set up camp and sleep. While three of the four ANBU went to secure the perimeter and set up some precautionary barriers, Hinata sat on a log and watched the last ANBU set up two tents.

The male ANBU would be sleeping in one, while the lone female would be guarding Hinata throughout the day as she slept. Deep down, Hinata felt helpless and powerless. She was a ninja for Christ sake!

She had fought off many powerful enemies, but, she knew as frustrating as these things were, that she was moderately pregnant and would be unable to form any type of chakra, lest she accidentally use her own child's.

She wondered what was going on in Naruto's mind, as she glanced at the small mark on the inside of her palm.

Naruto had picked up Fuinjutsu on his travels with Jiraiya and had insisted for Hinata to carry his own personal seal. If she so wished, she would have access to a small frog summons and would be able to communicate and keep Naruto up to date, occasionally.

It was dangerous to send too many letters back and forth, but despite the current circumstances, Naruto had a right to know about his son's development.

She thought back to her Sensei, Kurenai and her daughter, Mirai.

[physichotic]

uh so tomorrow ended up being a month later. whoops. but i have yet another update. so maybe executive dysfunction and fatigue worked in my favour lol.

so i went to my pulmonologist last month to see what's going on with my lungs since the pneumonia and the fact that it was my fourth bout in an 11 month span. did a chest x-ray and a spirometry test the latter of which always takes a lot out of me. after talking to the doctor about my pain she suggested fibro. i had a few tender points and my blood tests were ok (except for the iron) so she diagnosed me with fibromyalgia.

but then she called a few weeks ago and she wanted me to do some more blood tests because some came back undetermined. i went back today to do the spiro test again (it's so tiring 😩) and see what the results of my tests were. my lung function has declined and my iron was low as usual but that's nothing surprising. i've been anemic and asthmatic for years. i may have some scarring on my lungs we'll see. my white blood cell count was high and the ana/anf tests were positive and there's something going on with my liver but everything else was fine. so she's suspecting some autoimmune disease now and that the fibromyalgia is a secondary illness. i have even more blood tests to do (i'm practically a professional blood giver at this point. i have a favourite vein and everything) and more imaging to do.

y'all i'm exhausted. just exhausted from everything.

(thanks for all the replies 😊😊)

so i have fibromyalgia

i’ll talk about my doctor’s visit tomorrow bc i am beyond exhausted

but i just wanted u guys to know i finally have a diagnosis