#i have the worst audio processing like I can HEAR just fine but I have no idea what anyone is saying 90% of the time nonetheless

[symbioticsimplicity]

Oh my God I forget how much easier the entire world is to deal with with both headphones on holy shit.

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s2 episode 2 thoughts

woohoo! we are back for another s2 moment! each night i do my duolingo and then have mulder and scully time <3

so we open on a boat which is already awful. boats are lowkey horrific. and something grabs a man working on the sewage and pulls him under. what the hell! worst case scenario on MANY fronts

then we see our good friend mulder who is listening to audio recordings. and boy was this a scene, because he had sunflower seeds everywhere, cartons of takeout scattered, a million empty cans and cups, and a page of little doodles. all while he sits in the dark.

i figured perhaps this was the squalor of the single man apartment, but no! someone opens a door and light pours in, and tells him he has to leave and someone else will take over his case. and that poor man gets forced into his disgusting space. truly the king of not giving a fuck. please try and give one fuck for me mulder

skinner moves him to a murder case in new jersey and he's all "but why did skinner want MEEEEE"

anyway he goes into the sewers, which are thankfully now free of eugene tooms due to the hard work of that one escalator... everybody say thank you escalator... and he finds a body and says send that back to the FBI

mulder busts into skinner's office to yell at him while he was IN A MEETING oh mulder!!! i get ur mad but have some decorum! he's like WHY are you wasting my time! well mulder if you want to work your way back up the ladder i think screaming at ur boss is not a good place to start!

(we also see that skinner's first name is walter and that he has a picture of bill clinton on the wall which i know made sense at the time but in 2024 it's just really funny. there's old willy looking over business)

cutscene to mulder Pondering in the dark and look! enter our dear friend scully!

"is this seat taken?" she asks "no, but i should warn you i'm experiencing violent impulses" he replies. "well, i'm armed, so i'll take my chances" she answered, and i audibly said "AWWW" <3 how sweet

he says he wants to leave the bureau! but she is his only reason to want to stay! gasp! we are gonna have to unpack that later!

she's like but you have a body right...? can i see the body....? can i pls pls pls pls be involved in ur case?

girl's night: autopsy edition! this body was quite decomposed and it had me wondering how exactly they film these scenes, and while i was pondering the process of making a prop body, we hear a loud thunk of scully removing the dude's rib cage to which i nearly fainted but we were Fine it's okay

and i'm holding my breath trying to deal with seeing this dude's insides when we get a WORM JUMPSCARE crawling about in his corpse

back in new jersey we see more sanitation workers and another man getting pummeled by the sewer beast... have we considered giving these men a raise?

the man has a nasty wound and i wrote "i am not built for this" in my notes but mulder strolls into the doctor's office while he's being checked out to investigate... we see the wound that the sanitation guy thinks is a snake that got into the sewers... and i'm thinking that doesn't sound right but i don't know enough about sewers to dispute that information

scully calls and he has to hang up and he gets ANOTHER call and picks up like "scully not now >:(" BUT THE GAG IS... it isn't her... it's some guy saying he has a friend in the FBI....... um

scully has mulder come down to the lab to show off the worm she found and give the audience a nice PSA to not eat raw meat! thank you dr. scully! we then get some worm facts and she seems pleased

BUT MULDER IS MEAN and he accuses her of being responsible for the phone call and she looks so hurt! she says she wouldn't betray his confidence by talking about him wanting to leave! mulder i get that you're in your questioning era but literally one episode ago she picked up your mostly dead body from a jungle compound so?? let's be rational here???

the next scene involved blood coming out of sanitation man's mouth and mostly what i wrote at this point was a few variations of "AUGH" "i cannot look" and "cannot handle this"

at the sanitation plant they capture whatever this Thing is and oh my. well. all i can really think of are those fake mermaids. you know the barnum fake mermaid hoax? or is that too 19th century niche? well either way, it looks like that but Worse. and equipped with suckers. it's a gnarly beast to gaze upon and i wrote more "AUGH"s here

cutscene to scully on a computer reading worm facts. back when you used a big ol computer to research creatures. i miss the 90's (disclaimer: i was not alive for them at all)

mulder lets her see the creature (which they have put in a mental hospital?) and she is SO excited to see this sort of beast BUT she figured out it was connected to the first attack because someone slipped a magazine article with a hint under her door!!!! looks like there really is someone on the inside...

she also says "i'd consider it more than a professional loss if you decided to leave" WAHHHHHHH <- me crying like a baby at this line

mulder's sitting in skinner's office like a kid stuck in detention and skinner says they're gonna prosecute the worm monkey baby thing and i nearly cried at the mental image of putting that beast on trial. skinner was like "you want to put it in the zoo?" I fear that's far more reasonable.....????? like how is he gonna testify he's WORM MONKEY BABY THING

mulder is again very pissed off and tells skinner that they could have saved the second man (who died in the shower while i was looking away from his bleeding) because he had agents who could have handled it but he shut the x files down and skinner is like. i know. but i was just following orders... tea....

okay so i THOUGHT the worm monkey was baby sized but now they're taking him somewhere else and he is full man sized... but he breaks out of his restraints, we hear a gunshot, and he escapes into a toilet... NO, i yelled to the sanitation worker on my screen, THE WORM IS INSIDE (he couldn't hear me)

mulder's at the scene and gets another mysterious phone call telling him he CANNOT mess this case up because there needs to be undeniable proof the x files must come back... okay no pressure!

so the worm monkey is somewhere in the sewer plant and scully calls like "i think the little worm we found was a baby and it's looking for a place to lay its eggs so we CANNOT let it escape"

(mulder and another worker go into the sewers without any sort of worm monkey handling equipment, idk i was thinking a shotgun might be appropriate here. like what did they think they were gonna do? wrestle it?)

the other worker falls in so NATURALLY our hero mulder (who is still a hero even if he has been cranky af lately) jumps in after him

and mulder GUILLOTINES the worm monkey in what can only be described as an average fox w 🔥🔥

at the end we see scully and mulder once again meet on a public bench in the dark, where she shares that the genetic testing proved that this thing was actually a mixture of human and worm that came from radioactive waste at chernobyl??? so. that's fucked up. haven't they suffered enough.

(but i like that this is a monster made possible by humans and yet still very real, even if that seems... an unlikely story... still, for dana scully's sake i'm happy this is something that can be proved by Science)

((although i hate to know what the implications are for the chernobyl dogs in this universe...))

we end with a shot of worm monkey baby, who has been split in half, re-opening its eyes. now i do think sea worms can sometimes grow back so this isn't SHOCKING. but it is displeasing nonetheless.

overall, listen; mulder, you've had it rough. they've slashed your life's work and you doubt reality. but man. clean your desk up. be nice to scully. skinner is clearly on ur side. i need to shake his stupidly tall frame and knock some sense into him. that beautiful woman wants to tell you worm facts and you should be writing it all down intently.

(good angst though, love that she's the only reason he wants to stay. and love her little autopsy time <3)

[heartattackmedication]

Here's how I use my phone to record guitar.

I am incredibly broke, and very lazy. That's why I have devised This Method to record my Bad Playing so I can show my friends and pals and rivals.

This is what you will need:

Your phone.

Any audio editing software. Even the free ones, they can all do this. I use Cakewalk, precisely because it's free.

Whatever your guitar setup is.

This is actually what I record with.

Stick your phone's mic in front of the amp. It will sound different depending on where you put it, too. Closer to the center of the speaker, you'll get more high end. Closer to the speaker itself, you'll get more low end (and volume, but that doesn't really matter). I just put my phone right in front of the center for this. Record with whatever your phone has i guess. I just have voice memo (samsung moment), so I use that and it works fine. Also you really don't need to turn the amp up loud at all, since the mic is right there. Everything I've done for this demonstration was lower than conversation volume.

Here's what the audio directly from your phone will sound like. Headphones ON for WORST experience.

So that sucks right. wtf is going on. Well, a lot of phones record in stereo for some reason. That's why the audio is so much clearer on the left than on the right, and why you can hear all the strumming happening on one side. But we can fix this easily !

Importing the audio into our editor of choice, we can see that it is Nasty Icky Stereo. Every DAW has a way of splitting stereo tracks into mono tracks, which is what we want to do. Cakewalk sucks so it's not very intuitive.

You can skip over this part if you are using a different software.

Select your track, go to the Tracks dropdown, and hit Bounce to Track(s). You'll get this popup. Change the Channel Format to Split Mono and the Source Category to Tracks. Hit OK and you'll get your left and right channels in mono.

You can just remove the track you don't need, and keep the one with your amp audio. Don't forget to pan it to center. You'll get something like this.

Which is better !! And it doesn't take that much effort. But if you do want to put in a little more effort (and I mean a Little more) you can EQ it to get rid of any buzzing or hissing, and to just make it sound better in general.

And that's pretty much all I do !! There is a big improvement from just raw phone audio, and it's honestly great if you don't have a fancy microphone (and don't want to spend money).

also if anyone with more experience than me in No Budget Recording is seeing this post and has any tips to make this process better or easier, tell me pleaaase :3 please :3 My thirst for learning is fully unquenchable and I will devour all.

[chiliiscereal]

Chosen last: part 5

Summary: the turtle boys try to figure out how to comfort reader after a terrible experience with a boy, and Donnie does his best to apologize

————

Here’s the part before! In the part there are also links to the rest!

https://chiliiscereal.tumblr.com/post/651628962334769152/chosen-last

Donnie had no words to say.

Well, for the first five minutes of complete and utter silence.

You could feel him gaping at you but you couldn’t face him. He was right. He was right all along and you were a fool for hoping.

The rooftop wind howled, reminding you that you were still there.

“D-did he..?” Donnie cleared his throat and started over, “did he succeed?”

You shook your head and pulled your jacket closer. “He came close.”

He glanced at the jacket you were wearing. Underneath he could see your dress had rips in it. Even worse, he could see a small trail of blood.

Probably left by fingernails.

He didn’t know what to do.

He didn’t know what to say.

Not even how to ask if you were okay or if you needed him to help in any way.

So he did the best thing he knew how: make a plan.

“We’re gonna kill him.” He decided, standing up furiously. “We’ll kill him, resurrect him with cpr or defibrillaters, and then give him to the police.” He began pacing the rooftop, his mind turning and processing this information. “I need his address, I need his phone number, and his mother’s number.”

You just listened to him walking instead of his words. It was comforting in a way.

You couldn’t believe that almost happened though.

You couldn’t believe that even though you did your best to stop the worst, he came close.

What if you hadn’t listened to your gut?

What if you had told yourself you were overacting?

“We’re gonna call your friends.” Donnie decided. “You can stay the night with them. You shouldn’t be alone after-.”

“I’m not staying with those assholes.” You spat, much to his surprise.

“But... they’re you’re friends!” He was extremely confused. Did he not have all of the story? “Shouldn’t you-?”

“I said no.”

“But you could really use-!”

“I said NO!” You shouted at him, finally turning to face him.

He finally got a good look at how much damage was done.

Your eyes were red.

Tears leaked down your face.

A scratch decorated your cheek.

And... those eyes... they were so hurt and lost.

He messed up. He messed up bad.

Donnie shut his mouth immediately. “Okay, okay! But... do you want to be alone?”

You turned away again, shaking your head.

“Can I take you to the lair then?”

You hesitated for a second and then nodded.

“Okay, alright, come on.” He gently offered his hand to help you up, not sure how he was supposed to handle this.

You accepted it and let him assist you to your feet.

He didn’t make you talk on the way there.

Probably cause he didn’t know what questions to ask to get the answers he wanted.

You were fine with that. You didn’t need to talk.

Not now, anyway.

You’d have to talk eventually though. There was no way to be in the lair without saying anything.

————

When you arrived you could hear the sounds of the tv playing. Even the sound of the air hockey table.

Maybe the boys would be too busy to notice you.

Donnie lead you quietly through the lair and into the living room where his brothers and April were sat at.

You two tried to walk behind them but Leo noticed once you had your back turned to him, both of you almost to Donnies lab.

“Hey, y/n!” He grinned, pausing the tv. “You’re back already?”

“Yeah, how was the party!” Mikey leaned over the back of the couch excitedly. “Did you have fun?”

You kept walking, more tears spilling.

Raph immediately sensed something was wrong. “Hey, what’s up? Are you good?”

You stopped, so so SO close to breaking.

Donnie didn’t know if you wanted him to answer or not so he waited.

“Is it okay if I stay here tonight?” You asked quietly, still not showing your face.

“...yeah? Yeah you can stay?” Raph tilted his head in confusion and stood up from the couch. “What’s goin’ on?”

“Nothing’s going on.” You tried you keep walking but Raph stepped in front of you faster than you’d ever seen him move.

“Clearly there’s something going on.” He placed his hands on his hips, refusing to move. “Did Donnie pester you or somethin’? Did he make you leave early?” He sent his younger brother a small glare.

Donnie held up his hands innocently. “Just because I thought about it does NOT mean I did it.”

You kept your eyes on the floor, hair in your face and cheeks flushed bright pink.

“Y/n, you know I love you, but you’re a TERRIBLE liar.” Leo joked, throwing an arm over your shoulder. “Now, what happened?”

“You wanna know what happened?” You growled, too overwhelmed. “I’ll tell you what happened! Donnie was right!” You shoved Leo’s arm off you and glared at him. “All of you were! And I was STUPID to think that someone would actually like me!”

Mikey rushed over quickly. “Hey that’s not true-!”

“Then tell me, Mikey!” You whipped around to glare at him to, “tell me why Eric was only being nice to have sex with me! Tell me why he planned it with my friends to get me alone! Tell me why they thought that if I had ‘a good time’ then I’d loosen up and stop being a PRUDE!”

The boys stood there in silence, mouths open and eyes wide.

Donnie just looked at the floor in embarrassment.

Oh there was no stopping the tears now. You swiped them away furiously, cheeks flushing brightly.

You didn’t want to have this outburst now.

But there was just too much going on in your head!

“You guys were right.” You muttered as you strength faded. “I should have listened to you. I shouldn’t have gone to that stupid party and I shouldn’t have believed him for one second.” You locked eyes with Donnie. “I shouldn’t have believed he liked me for me.”

As if everything else wasn’t making him feel guilty that was just another cherry on top.

April was at your side quickly, arms wrapped around you and hands rubbing soft circles on your back. “It’s okay, the important thing is that you’re back here. With US.” She held you at at arms length. “Let’s go clean you up and talk, okay?”

You nodded, desperate to finally get away from the pitying stares you were getting.

“Donnie, can we borrow your lab?” She asked the purple masked turtle as she began to lead you in that direction.

“Yeah yeah sure.” He confirmed immediately. “There’s a... a first aid kit... if you need it.”

April whisked you away, leaving only the sound of echoing footsteps.

———-

“Oh man.” Raph sat down on the couch, head in his hands. “I can’t believe...” he trailed off. He didn’t even know how to finish that sentence.

Mikey sat down to.

Donnie and Leo, on the other hand, both stayed standing.

None of them knew what to say.

There were too many things dumped on them at once.

They’d heard about things like this happening but that always felt like something that happened in movies or to strangers.

Not a close friend.

“Well...” Leo tapped his fingers against his arm, “how’d the apology go?” He needed to find something else to talk about. He couldn’t think about it for very long without feeling this anger building up inside him.

“Well...” Donnie started, “I didn’t really... get to the apologizing part.”

“Please tell me you didn’t start gloating when you saw that y/n’s night hadn’t gone well.” Leo crosses his arms, already knowing the answer.

Donnie’s eyes went wide. “Why would you assume that? I am hurt.”

“Because that’s what you always do when you find out you were right.” Mikey insisted.

Donnie caved immediately. “Yeah... yeah I did do that.”

“Donnie!” His brothers chorused in disappointment.

“I know!” He threw his arms out angrily. “I know I shouldn’t have! I couldn’t help it! I knew something bad would happen I just didn’t know that it would be something like this!”

“You didn’t even apologize!” Leo scoffed. “You just rubbed it in her face!”

“I know.” Donnie sighed. “I’ll apologize when April’s done.”

“You better.” Raph ordered, standing up. “In the meantime, we’ve got some planning to do.”

   ““But what CAN we do?” Mikey brought his knees to his chest and watched his older brother sadly. ““There’s not evidence and we can’t be seen by people!” 

  Donnie rubbed his chin. ““No evidence…. Yeah there’s not much we can do without OH AND THEN HE REMEMBERED HE INSTALLED THE CAMERA PROTOCOL!” He whipped out his wrist device and began tapping immediately. “I’ve got her phone set to audio record whenever she’s headed somewhere suspicious! How could I forget I launched it before she went?”

   His brothers huddled behind him and watched.     “We convince y/n to tell the police what happened, hand over the audio, and land that asshole in juvie!” Leo caught on quickly, slapping his brothers shoulder with excitement as if he was doing a drumroll.  “That’s exactly what he deserves!” 

  ““I personally think he deserves a visit from doctor delicate touch.” Mikey crossed his arms. 

  “Not just from doctor delicate touch.” Raph agreed. ““A visit from us and then a REAL doctor.” 

  “Hey doctor delicate touch IS a real doctor!” Mikey protested. ““He doesn’t need a PHD.” 

“Quiet.” Donnie ordered as he kept working. “We’re not gonna scare the life out of him without y/n’s permission. We’re not even gonna send this in without her say so.” 

  Mikey turned his attention away from Raph. ““What are we gonna do then?”

  Donnie straightened up and looked back toward his lab. ““Offer it as an apology. Y/n will decide what to do with it. It’s her choice.” 

  ————

The tears stopped maybe ten minutes ago.  Maybe twenty. 

You didn’t really know.

But you still felt dirty.

Disgusting even. 

Being with April helped though. She kept you present. She did her best to keep you from thinking about that slime ball of a boy.

  “Alright, your cuts are all cleaned.” She nodded to herself proudly. “You’ve got a pair of my pajamas, a blanket, and your best friend. I think my work here is done.” 

  When you didn’t respond she leaned down to make eye contact with you. “Hey, do you need some alone time?”  You wanted to talk.

You really did.

But you couldn’t stop seeing that boy dragging you to the bed.

You couldn’t stop see him trying to rip the dress off you.

You couldn’t stop seeing your friends yelling for you to come back as you ran from the house.

If it hadn’t been for Ralph’s self defense lessons…

April sat down beside you on Donnies bed.  “You’re safe now.” She pulled you into a side hug. ““He ain’t ever goin near you ever again. Not if he wants to deal with April O’neil.” 

  You gave her a small laugh. “I’d pity anyone who’d have to deal with April O’neil.” 

  She jumped on that immediately. If that’s what would get you to laugh then she was taking it and running with it. “You know it! I’ll hit him with my bat so hard his future KIDS will be feelin’ it!” 

  You gave her another chuckle. “Look out Eric,”

She squeezed your shoulder again. “Exactly. And as for your terrible friends, I’ll send mayhem after them if they even look at you.” 

   You nodded. “Thanks April.” 

She smiled back at you, standing up. “I’ll go call your mom and tell her you’re sleeping over, okay?” 

You nodded again. “Okay.” 

Before she even shut the door, her spot was replaced by someone else.  you didn’t need to look at them to know who they were. 

“Yes Donnie?” You pulled your blanket closer.

 He took a deep breath, not fully ready for what he was about to do. ““I… I messed up.”

That seemed like a good start. 

“So did I.” You grumbled. “Making friends with people like that-.”

“No.” He interrupted. “You couldn’t have known. I… I should have known better.” He fiddled nervously with the recording device in his hands. “Whether something like that would have happened or not I shouldn’t have gloated. I should have been a reliable friend and let you figure things out yourself.” You didn’t say anything else so he kept going. “I know I can be unbareable and controlling and… not understanding, but I should have put that aside. I know that this won’t make up for it in the slightest but…” he placed the recording device in your hands, “I have a recording of what happened. I Installed a device that would audio record whenever I thought you could be in danger when I last fixed your phone for you.”

You flipped the small object over thoughtfully.  “I didn’t listen to it.” He stated immediately as his nerves grew worse. “I know it was a violation of your space by not telling you. But… here it is. You can decide what you want to do with it. If you want to leave it in the past or turn him in-.”

“Or let us seriously mess up his face for you!” Leo interrupted as he came in without knocking, brothers behind him.

You hadn’t even known the rest of the boys were there. But it was still appreciated that they wanted to be there for you.

  “Or have him talk to doctor delicate touch-.” Mikey grinned and sat down beside you.

  “It doesn’t matter.” Donnie finished, relieved to have his brothers beside him. “It’s yours.” 

You didn’t really know what to say.

Well you did.

You had a lot to say.  you just couldn’t get to words out.

Donnie held his breath. 

Finally, you looked up and him and strengthened your grip on the device. “Why not all of it?”    He did this to you.

Your friends did this to you.

They deserved a little bit of karma heading their way. The boys cheered, swarming you in a giant hug right as April opened the door.

“Did I hear something about revenge?” She grinned and joined immediately. “Cause this girl is all over it!”

Oh Eric, if only you had done the bare minimum and had respect for your decisions.  This guy had it coming. 

That night, you stayed with April and splinter while the boys went out, promising to record every priceless moment and give it to you.

Tomorrow, Donnie would walk with you to the police station in disguise as your moral support while you turned over the audio.

[camelely]

Good Trouble Finale...

Okay I liked that episode. It had all the elements to make a good finale, it fit the tone of the show, and it got us ready for the next season. It wasn't the best but I did really appreciate it. Anyone else think they did multiple cliffhangers so they could gage how the audience would want to see these plots end before actually writing an end lol?

First things first the Callie plot

Judge Wilson!!!! I'm so glad they brought him back to call out Callie in the dream sequence in the courtroom. It was so good. His speech. Roger Bart's delivery. The emotional impact and Maia's performance. It was a great scene and the perfect scene for both characters.

On to her actual plot. Why didn't they tell us the verdict? This whole season has been building on this case. If one thing needed to be resolved by the finale it should have been this. Also they brought up Jerrod but once again provided us with no updates!

It's interesting how all of Jamie's character development has been off screen. Like is it too much to ask for some of it to happen in front of us? It doesn't even need to be in front of Callie? Like we can just see him doing something or learning something outside the courtroom.

If all this is building to Jamie and Callie starting a firm together I would be here for it. But only if Callie takes in the message of actually listening to other people sometimes. It is important to fight but if you dont hear what others are saying how can you fight?

Callie needs to learn not every case is some big fight to change the system case. The justice system works best when both sides have decent legal representation and yes we live in a world where that rarely happens. And juries are rarely actually impartial. But Callie is a lawyer. She's not a politician and she's not a judge. She thinks she is morally superior to everyone around her and I'm so tired of it. I really hope the dream sequence finally pushes her into some character growth.

As for her and Gael I've always disliked them as a couple. In every season before this she has treated him like a second choice and never given him the support he deserved. Everytime she went to him it was because of a fight she had with Jamie or Mariana. It kinda felt like he was finally just returning the favor this season lol. Also like I said before I actually kinda like Isabella and I'm excited to see where Gael goes when he isn't attached to a bad love triangle plot.

TBH at this point I'd rather see Jamie and Gael be happy then actually try to work things out with Callie lol. They both seem to be in better places without her and she needs sometime without a guy.

The Mariana plot

Okay I hate it here. I know the message is friendships come first but like wtf the girls were really horrible to Mariana. It's really shitty that lady... jackie? stole the app idea and idk what I wanted from this plot but the fight club girls deciding to be friends with Mariana again just wasnt it. They treated her like shit all season. Also there were more of them at the start of the season lol. Also Jackie and Evan working together like wtf. Evan was a decent guy nothing in his character makes me think he would be the type of person to be vindictive after a break-up... this feels all sorts of weird and unnecessary. Even if they end it with him choosing to help Mariana I can't see this plot actually doing anything exciting tbh. Mariana is my favorite character and this plot is already exhausting, I have a feeling it's only going to get worse from here. Overall this was the worst plot of the season and I'm not happy to continue it into next season. I just want Mariana to be happy lol.

The Dennis plot

I love it. The truck connecting back to his past trauma and healing process is 10/10. The way he is finding a passion is 10/10. Overall 10/10 lol.

The Davia plot

Also mostly good. Again they chose a cliffhanger when in reality they didn't need to? I think if you dedicate an entire season of a show to a question and have the character (or a jury lol) come to decision in the finale and then choose to not tell the audience it cheapens the whole experience and drags a plot passed its expiration date. If you want a plot to end in a cliffhanger thats fine but this isn't a cliffhanger... this is just cutting out audio that should naturally be there... for the sake of creating fake tension. Doing it once is bad enough but twice in the same episode felt personal lol.

The Malika plot

Ah Malika and the only cliffhanger that actually works. Isaac. I love Isaac. Like he's amazing and I love him so much. I really liked how their plot was focused on Malika exploring how a Poly relationship could be/is right for her. The whole plot is really well done. If she decides she wants to be monogamous with Isaac I'd be okay with that as long as it is a well written thing focusing on her choices and not his. I also wouldnt mind if Isaac and her get closure and he moves on. I think him deciding to be poly could work but I also think he made it clear that isn't really what he is looking for. Maybe an open relationship or something like that could work for them? Idk exactly but I'm very excited to see where this all goes and I'm confident the writers will do right by these characters.

More exciting is her work/activism plot. It's clearly going to cause problems with her and Dyonte but honestly Dyonte and his personality is my least favorite part of the Malika plot lol. He reminds me of Speech from the band Arrested Development. That probably isn't a fair comparison and probably makes no sense but it's the vibe I get. I like Angelica and I hope her ex/friend is a good person. I have high hopes for this plot and I really hope GT doesn't let me down. Lol watch this be the worst plot next season and Mariana be the best just because I predicted the opposite.

The Alice plot

This was the one with the most consistent writing IMO. It wasn't perfect. They had some weird character choices/build with Alice's comedy group And honestly they could have cut the program down to like four finalists. All of them started to blend together anyway. I think bringing a few into the spotlight a little more would have helped balance the character choices and if one of them was to betray Alice it would have been more emotional if we actually knew them. I liked the choice to quit but it was a lot of money and a great opportunity too. It was a truly wild way to end the plot lol. As for her and Sumi... Okay so Sumi was my least favorite Alice LI, but over this last season she really grew on me and I'd be okay if they eventually found their way back to each other. For now I'm glad they are making the more responsible choice and staying friends.

Overall this finale was very much in keeping with the themes and choices the show tends to make. But it was 90 minutes long and didn't answer any of the big season long questions. It was a really well made episode though and I liked watching it.

[rayofspades]

How to Write a Horror Story: The Magnus Archives

This post is kinda weird since most tumblr fandom content is based on the assumption that Everyone Has Seen The Thing, but since this is a transcript of a video essay, it’s more broad. 

I might link the video in a reblog since, you know, tumblr doesn’t like links.

Anyways, here’s the post:

Hello Jon, apologies for the decep-

I’ve seen a lot of mystery shows in my day, and some supernatural shows, and the common thread between them is that they kind of...fall apart as they go on. 

Obviously, this is a generalization and I haven’t seen every mystery show or every paranormal show, but it’s a pretty common problem. 

At this point in pop culture criticism, it’s basically common knowledge that these shows fall apart due to a lack of planning. If a mystery series is making shit up as it goes along while trying to surprise the audience, it’s going to stop making sense at some point. And if an episodic paranormal show is constantly trying to up the stakes, eventually it’s going to become absolutely ridiculous and stretch the audience’s suspension of disbelief past a breaking point. 

Other people have already talked about this stuff to death, but today I want to talk about a paranormal mystery show that actually succeeds at what it set out to do.  

The Magnus Archives is a podcast written by Jonny Sims and directed by Alexander J. Newall. It ran from 2016 to 2021 and it’s...really really good. It’s an episodic horror story, taking place at the fictional Magnus Institute where the head archivist reads various statements about people’s encounters with supernatural entities. It’s got it all; scary stories, mystery, an overarching plot, office comedy, office romance, office tragedy, a villain that’s making straight men everywhere question their sexuality, and an overall really solid structure. 

If you listen to the Q+As put out by the writer and director, you’ll hear them talk about how they planned the series from the beginning, setting up the layout for each season. Some things were definitely changed throughout the actual writing process; that’s just inevitable and necessary when you’re working on a long running show, but in a general sense, they knew where they were going. But, writing a good story doesn’t just involve knowing where you’re going; it’s about executing whatever plan you have effectively. And I think the execution of The Magnus Archives is pretty brilliant, so I want to talk about it. 

And for the record, I said “brilliant,” not “perfect.” I do have a lot of criticisms of this show, and I’m definitely going to talk about those too, because honestly? Even the problems with this show are interesting in their own right. 

Ok, let’s go. 

Oh, spoilers by the way. For the whole plot. Whole thing. 

Part 1: Horror and Mystery 

Ok, so The Magnus Archives has two separate plots going on: the episodic stories that can be listened to individually, and the underlying meta plot. The former is where most of the mystery storytelling takes place, and it’s a really engaging mystery. It’s starts off slow, and almost undetectable at first. The main character, Jon, also known as The Archivist, is just reading out old scary stories that people have delivered to the Magnus Institute. Stuff like; a college student sees a ghostly inhuman figure asking for a cigarette, a woman’s fiancé dies and she finds herself trapped in an empty graveyard, there’s this goth kid who apparently murdered his mother and then skinned her? But she’s kind of still alive? What the f*ck? Hope we never see that kid again. Also, this “Jurgen Lietner” guy wrote a bunch of cursed books and Jon knows about this? Are more books gonna come up? And then you’re like, wait is the goth kid who killed that burn victim the same goth kid who killed his mom like 8 episodes ago? Holy shit the family of that girl’s dead fiancé FUNDS THE MAGNUS INSTITUTE? Did this famous youtuber meet one of the missing people from episode one? The goth kid is back and he’s looking for Leitner books? The name “Michael” has come up like 6 times? Are they all the same guy? I just—who the f*ck is Jurgen Leitner? 

So yeah, as you can see, a lot of these stories connect in cool ways, and I’ve only mentioned like, 0.2 percent of all of those connections. Furthermore, these stories are told out of chronological order, and sometimes the same scenario appears in more than one statement, told from different perspectives. This asymmetrical storytelling and odd doling out of information creates a mystery that’s really interesting. It also makes for a great re-listen, since you can retroactively see what elements were set up before you even realized that they were going to come back.  

The audio format contributes to this too; you can’t just see that the table from episode three matches the pattern on the box in episode eight. You have to pick up on clues that were mentioned and pay attention to what people are describing, and it’s highly rewarding when the pieces all start to fit together. 

There is a bit of a downside to this though. Technically The Magnus Archives is a horror story first and a mystery second, and these two elements can mesh in weird ways. 

The horror is element is really strong. Each story is completely different, sometimes focusing on psychological horror, body horror, or supernatural versions of more primal fears like heights, darkness, enclosed spaces, etc. Basically, if you’re afraid of anything, there will be at least one episode of The Magnus Archives that gets under your skin. 

Jonny Sims can really sell his stories through both his writing and acting. He plays Jon, by the way, and plagiarized his own birth certificate for the character name. (For future reference, Jonny is the actor, Jon is the character). Overall, he’s really good at writing prose, and each narrator has a very distinct voice even though the large majority of the stories are being read by one character/actor.  

Obviously not every episode is a bull’s eye. Sometimes it’s due to the subjectivity when it comes to what you as an audience member are scared of, and occasionally it’s just weird writing decisions. I’m thinking specifically of episode 21 where the line “the sky ate him” is said, and it is the worst line in the entire show. The whole goddamn show. That’s it. That’s the number one worst line. 

But still, overall, the horror storytelling is incredibly solid, and some episodes even gave me brand new fears, like the unholy isolation of being in space, or the concept that someone you love could be replaced by someone completely different without you noticing.  

But here’s the thing; 

A lot of good horror is based on the absence of explanation. Most of the episodes that gave me the most visceral reactions of genuine terror come from the first two seasons, because that’s when the audience has the least amount of information. 

For example, in episode two, a really terrifying coffin is introduced. It’s creepy, it reacts very strangely to water for some reason, and appears to compel people to try opening it. By the end of the episode, the audience never finds out what’s in that coffin and that is a good thing. That is a huge part of what made that episode so unnerving.  

And then a few seasons later, we do find out what’s in the coffin, and to be fair the answer is both very creative and very scary, but it also takes a lot of the punch out of episode two. 

 No matter how f*cked up your thing is, it’s not going to compare to whatever the audience can conjure up in their own mind after such a creepy set up. This problem isn’t just stuck in this one scenario either; there are a lot of early episodes that, while still good, seem a lot less creepy in hindsight after you learn more about the scenario. 

I don’t think it’s bad writing, but I do think it’s a double-edged sword. Jonny Sims even mentions this sort of issue in the first Q+A. 

But yeah, to sum up; the narration is good, the ideas are creative, and seeing the mystery unfurl itself is deeply compelling. And for the record, the mystery elements aren’t of the Sherlock Holmes variety. It’s less about finding out who did the thing, and more about discovering how all of these individual points are intricately connected, pulling on each other as they move. Woven together like a... oh shit what’s the word? Gah, it’s on the tip of my tongue. Ah, whatever, I’m sure it’s not like a running motif or anything.  

Part 2: Stakes 

One of the main reasons I stopped watching Supernatural is that it devolves into complete f*cking nonsense. At the end of season five, the boys literally defeat the devil, and then the show...keeps going? Which would be fine. It’s also, largely, an episodic show, so if they have more creative ideas, they could definitely keep going with it. In fact, there are some post season five episodes that I thought were pretty good. But as they kept trying to outdo themselves with Bigger Bads, it got kind of difficult to suspend my disbelief. And the final nail in the coffin for me was the end of season nine, when Crowly basically points out to the audience that the main characters keep dying and coming back to life, so there are no stakes. The most-badest bad guy can always be defeated because some new Thing can just come out of left-field, and dying isn’t even on the table as a threat since people have tons of ways of coming back to life. 

The Magnus Archives, while being a show based in the supernatural, notably doesn’t bring anyone back to life, even though some very beloved characters die. I say “notably,” because in the season three Q+A, Jonny even says, “We make a point not to bring people back from the dead in Magnus, I know it sometimes feels like that, but we are very careful to never actually resurrect anyone.” 

Upon listening to this I said “oh my god, these guys are the only writers left who at least kind of know what they’re doing.”  

Also, as far as plot progression goes, The Magnus Archives is lowkey structurally perfect in the way the threats escalate in the underlying plot; both in terms of destruction and power and in terms of emotional consequences. Season one starts off with one major threat that’s dealt with by the end of the season, season two reveals the main villain, season three lays out the grander forces at play, season four ends the world, and season five is about un-ending the world. The difference between season one and season five is vast, but how we got there makes perfect sense. 

As for the emotional stakes, let’s talk about themes and characters. 

Part 3: Themes and Characters 

At the very end of season two, it’s revealed that the supernatural happenings in the Magnus universe are the result of entities far beyond our understanding. Since their existence is so fundamentally different from what we can comprehend, they interact with the world through cursed items, creatures, and humans who have dedicated themselves to an entity.  

A lot of people read this as a metaphor for late-stage capitalism, and I am one of those people. A bunch of faceless entities exploiting humans through means of dehumanization and causing people to suffer because it feeds them seems like an appropriate metaphor. 

While we’re on this topic, I do want to talk about Elias, since he’s the main villain of the entire series and also one of my favorite villains of all time. The Magnus Archives is a series that deals with a lot of moral questions and has a lot of characters who do morally questionable things, so one might assume that the villain of said series is, you know, morally ambiguous and sympathetic to some extent despite being “the bad guy.” 

Nope! No stops, full bastard. It’s great. 

He falls under what I’ve deemed the “unbeatable boss” archetype. He just doesn’t tolerate insubordination or resistance, and that combined with his lack of empathy means that anyone who crosses him is either killed or brought to heel. His power set is cool too. On the surface the ability to see out of any eye and read minds sounds useful, but not deal breaking, but the way he uses that power to manipulate people and anticipate threats...yeah, it makes him kind of impossible to beat.  

He’s just...so evil and he loves being evil and every single f*cking thing he does pisses me off and makes me want to kill him. It’s. Great. 

Anyways, I think Elias’s role as the central antagonist is what makes the capitalist reading so common. He’s the head of the institute, he’s wealthy, he’s powerful, and he dehumanizes people in ways that are both brutal and chillingly indifferent. He seems like an appropriate stand in through that lens. 

I also love how voice actor Ben Meredith plays him like’s he’s trying to seduce the audience.  

With all of that said, I wouldn’t call this the critique of capitalism a direct allegory or anything; in much looser terms, this could be a metaphor for any power structure that exploits humans. Organized religion or cults might be even more on the nose, considering there’s a lot of mentions of rituals and worship within the show. 

But if we boil it down to its barest aspects and focus on the avatar characters, The Magnus Archives is a series about people becoming monsters. Or, at the very least, becoming worse versions of themselves. That can mean a lot of things to different people in a metaphorical sense; the tense relationship between desperation and morality, the eagerness to please at the cost of one’s own mental health, the psychological traumas that lead people down dark paths, and how personal choices can still be dictated and manipulated by outside influences. It’s kind of heavy stuff, but put into a digestible package through the show’s abstractions. 

Well, for the most part.  

There’s some debate as to whether or not Daisy’s arc was handled tastefully. While her demise and Basira’s character arc were clearly meant to condemn police brutality and the deeply corrupt system that allows it to foster, it’s still a weird subject to discuss in such a fantastical context, and there is a strange sympathy for the devil angle that can get kind of uncomfortable for some listeners.  

Okay, stepping back from that for a bit, let’s talk about Jon and how he fits into this whole “people becoming corrupted” thing. 

Jon has one of my favourite brands of character arc, which is one based in deterioration alongside growth. The most obvious way this takes form is his departure from humanity as his relationship with the Eye drives him to psychologically harm others, and he finds himself sympathizing more and more with the people he was afraid of, stating in episode 152 that anyone listening to his recordings might compare him to the other avatars that have had their minds and morals twisted. 

Over the course of the series, he is repeatedly traumatized and the show makes a point that he is being both physically and emotionally scarred. These happenings are what drive his motivation for revenge in season five, and he even states that revenge is making him a worse person. As a character he’s constantly berating himself and his own monstrousness, much to Martin’s dismay.  

That’s why the finale destroys me in the best way. Upon seeing that Jon has betrayed him and basically given himself over to the Eye, Martin asks “how much of you is even left?” And when Jon tries to reassure him that he’s still himself, Martin’s response is “how would you even know?” This cuts through me every time. Up until this point, Martin had consistently stood up for Jon and Jon’s humanity, even in the face of Tim’s doubt, Basira’s mistrust, Elias being cryptic, and Jon’s own self-hatred. This is the ultimate breaking point, the point where even Martin, the love of Jon’s life, doesn’t really recognize him. It’s brutal. Because at the end of the day, Jon is still himself; he’s a deeply broken person trying to make the right decisions.  

We’ll come back to the finale later, but for now I want to talk about the romance. 

Jon’s emotional growth throughout the series is largely tied into Martin. Martin’s the first person that Jon really opens up to, and this later grows into trust which then turns into a genuine emotional connection.  On the flip side, Martin’s growth in season four is largely tied into Jon. Martin starts season four basically waiting to die, but Jon’s return gives him a reason to keep living, and he’s later able to recognize his own value outside of the pure utility of ‘you need to set yourself on fire to keep everyone else warm.’ Both of them give each other reason to push onward despite everything becoming more and more hopeless.  

It’s a good romance. I wish the two had had a few more scenes together before the culmination, but it is built up over the course of four seasons and comes together in an utterly fantastic confession.  

And yeah, the scene with Martin and Jon in the Lonely is cheesy as hell, but it is the highest quality of cheese. These are some gourmet nachos.  

Umm, also kind of stating the obvious here, but it’s also pretty cool that the main character in this horror story falls in love with another man. You don’t see that a lot, and it’s cool that no one even makes a big deal out of it. It’s just a normal romance, but with two guys. It’s nice. 

So, they go to Scottland, they hang out, they’re in love, Jonalias starts the apocalypse through Jon, the world ends, and season five starts! 

...Let’s talk about season five! 

Part 4: Season 5 

At the very start of this post, I said that supernatural mysteries tend to get worse as they go along, and I am deeply sad to report that I don’t think that The Magnus Archives is an exception. It just goes downhill in a very different way than its ilk. 

And, so we’re clear, I don’t think season five totally tanks or becomes unlistenable, it’s just, in my opinion, notably worse than the rest of the show. 

As discussed earlier, it doesn’t fall apart due to a lack of planning; everything still makes sense, but the presentation has changed drastically. The episodic statements are no longer scary stories, but more like slam poems about the various hellscapes that Jon and Martin are trekking through. Honestly if these were published in a book of slam poetry, I would probably think they slapped pretty hard. I genuinely believe that Jonny Sims is a good writer, but as a podcast a lot of these statements just made me zone out. There’s at least four that I don’t even slightly remember. Myself and many others have noted that they just...aren’t scary, unless there’s a specific episode that really gets under your skin due to a certain fear or phobia. 

To quote my friend, “it’s harder to feel a solid impact when the setting is literally divorced from reality. People would either go numb or insane to the point where their fears become unrelatable.” 

And, to be honest, I think that this same surreal odyssey set up could have worked with a slight shift in narration. Two stand out episodes for me were “Strung Out” and “Wonderland.” Both of them show the tormented target actively trying to resist and interact with their tormenter, instead of just trying to escape or live through their situation. “Strung Out” is also more of character study; you learn about Francis’s life before the apocalypse through their interaction with the Web hellscape. Meanwhile “Wonderland” is just...f*cked, and you get to see Jon take the perspective of first-person Bad Guy throughout the whole thing, which is its own level of disturbing. 

But the majority of episodes feel so abstract that I kind of forget the people trapped in them are supposed to be characters and not just concepts, so it’s harder to feel their dread and pain. 

But I’m still here for the metaplot, the drama, and the romance. And when that’s good, it’s great! I think the final handful of episodes are really solid in that regard. 

Buuuuuuut... 

A decent chunk of season five is dedicated to the “kill bill” plot. Jon discovers he has the power to smite people, and while at first, he’s embarrassed about this, since he actively enjoyed killing Not!Sasha, Martin is super into it! He’s encouraging Jon to murder people.  

This is actually the set up for a really good arc. As Jon gets more and more into his own avenging angel persona, Martin could get more and more disturbed by it so by the time they get to London, Martin could be really upset that Jon is so willing to wreak his own divine justice by killing or torturing all of the avatars. 

And this does kind of happen. We do reach this end state, and it makes for a good final conflict, but the way we got here was borderline nonsense. Thematic gibberish, if you will. 

Throughout the journey, Martin is clearly motived by a sense of justice; these people are bad, and so they should die. Whereas Jon is clearly more motivated by revenge; he only goes after the avatars that hurt him personally. At one point, Jon admits that maybe all of this killing isn’t making anything better, but just making him worse. Martin apologizes for egging him on, Jon absolves him by saying he started it, and then Martin’s like “I’ll keep my apology then.” This is the second worst line in the entire series, right after “the sky ate him.” And it’s close. 

But it kind of feels like we’re back at square one. Jon is back to being ashamed of killing and Martin is still keen on his justice stance, but now just less pushy about it. The arc is basically half resolved at this point. 

But then it doesn’t matter, because Jon kills Helen anyway. So, Jon’s back on his revenge/justice thing. Then what was the point of his earlier revelation? Why have that if it’s not going to matter and the conflict that was escalating still culminates with Jon leaning into the avenging angel stuff, and Martin being disturbed by it? It just makes both of them look like huge hypocrites! I f*cking hate it when they’re in the tunnels and Martin says “you weren’t meant to enjoy it this much,” regarding Jon’s smiting. Where did this come from?! Why didn’t you say this earlier? Third worst line in the series. 

And yeah, I’ll say it; the boys fight too much in this season. I loved their romance up to season five, and their cute moments and more lowkey serious discussions are still good in this season, but God, they fight so much. And I’m not saying couples can’t have fights or tension, that’s just realistic and also stories need conflict to be interesting. Jonny Sims is on the record saying that balancing a healthy romance with the stress of a literal apocalypse was a priority, and I’m sorry, but I don’t think it’s well balanced.  I’m just saying that sometimes it feels like they don’t even like each other and it really started to grate on me. 

Maybe it would have been better if the beginning of this season was dedicated to charming romance at first, so we as an audience could better appreciate how strong their love is and how it’s truly being tested. But obviously that was never on the table— 

ALEX NO. 

So, yeah, I have a lot of problems with season. I think it’s the worst one by far, even though there is a lot of it I still enjoy, including the ending. 

As I mentioned before, the moment where Martin confronts Jon in the panopticon absolutely kills me, and Jon’s reaction kills me even harder. Throughout the season, Jon had largely been motivated by revenge, martyrdom, and the subconscious call of the Eye, and all three of those factors led him to his position as the pupil. He’s getting revenge against the powers, sacrificing his humanity to get rid of the Fears, and taking his place as wearer of the watcher’s crown. But all of this gets thrown out the window when he realizes that Martin is going to die. And not only is Martin going to die, Martin is going to die specifically because he loves Jon and refuses to leave Jon alone to die horribly. Martin had always been an underlying motivation for Jon, his “reason” as stated in episode 167, but now love as a motivator has come to the forefront, and Jon can no longer go through with his plan because of it. But at this point in the series, they’re both utterly doomed, and Jon concludes that the only possible chance they have of surviving, however unlikely, would be to sever the pupil of the eye, technically killing Jon, but maybe, just maybe, allowing them to escape with the Fears. Whether that’s meant to be literal or more ethereal is left unclear. Hell, maybe Jon’s just making it up completely and creating his own potential happy ending. It’s a pretty potent ending in emotional terms; Jon has to release the Fears and Martin has to kill Jon, and those are the two things they were dead set on not doing.  

The Web, arguably the real main antagonist, basically won, and their manipulation of Jon worked. The destruction spread, and there is kind of a bleak underlying tone to that. 

But at least this ending has some semblance of hope to it. I’m not saying that releasing the Fears was objectively the correct moral decision; the entire point of the dilemma is that there was no objectively correct moral decision. But, while Jon’s solution does have merit, it was also the most hopeless. I think dramatically, any one of the choices on the table could have worked if the writing was well executed, but thematically this one seemed like the perfect combination of grim and optimistic. Like, all of the evils that plague humanity can’t just be defeated forever and things could get worse, but maybe not. Maybe everything works out... 

So yeah, The Magnus Archives...is a podcast. And it’s a really good podcast. Great, even. I can complain about season five all I want, but regardless of how that worked out, you can tell throughout the entire show that the people working on it were trying to tell a genuinely excellent story. 

It’s good. Go listen to it. Even though I spoiled the entire thing and if you’re still here, you’ve probably already listened to it. Listen to it again. 

[ayellowcurtain]

could you write about nico and his thoughts when Martino left their house? I can't imagine how much he will have suffered

I would like to know if you have some sort of talk between Luai and Nico in mind, maybe at Sana's during EID? or at the beach? about Marti perhaps?

Could you write something from the days when all the squads were camping (SkamIt) Preferably a Marti/Nicco fic

It was a long night. Stressed, anxious, and with little to no sleep. Nico opened Luai’s texts but didn’t have time to answer right away. Marti was all over him again, asking for the hundred time what was going on with Luai and they had another argument, Nico lost track of how many times they had one since the fight. Marti didn’t even look at him when he went to bed. He turned his back to Nico and stayed in that position the whole night, looking so small and tense. Nico was laying on his side, watching Marti’s back move as he breathed.

His phone made a noise on the nightstand and he turned over his shoulder to look, just then remembering about leaving Luai on read. Martino was dead asleep but Nico moved carefully anyway, grabbing his phone and going to the bathroom. Luai had sent him an audio. Hearing his voice so clearly and first thing in the morning felt different than when they talked at the party, over loud music, and with the others around them.

I’m sorry for the mess at the party, I didn’t know your boyfriend was jealous, guess I should have known better, having one myself. Anyway, I hope we can talk and get over that stupid fight. Let me know if you wanna meet up, maybe Martino can join…

Nico sat down on the edge of the bathtub, hearing it again, not really knowing what to say or how to say it. The knock on the door made him jolt, looking at the locked door in front of him.

“Nico?” He quickly typed a message as he walked to the door, hearing in Martino’s voice his uneasiness.

to Luai NEW: Hey, it’s okay, I’ll call you later and we’ll talk, ok?

He put his phone down on the counter and unlocked the door for Marti, looking even more tired than when he went to bed.

“What’s going on?” Nico could see as it’s his reflection in Marti’s face that he wasn’t hiding well how he was failing at coming up with an excuse. “Were you talking to someone?”

And Nico took a deep breath in, knowing what was coming as soon as he said he was talking to Luai. Martino wasn’t going to settle for just what they were talking about right now. He wanted the full story, even the details, and Nico wasn’t ready to give it to him yet. It was a part of his past he was still trying to figure out and come to terms with and he didn’t want to give Martino a story he didn’t fully understand himself. 

He tried to explain as much as he could without hurting himself in the process, but Martino had made up his mind. Seeing him shove a bunch of clothes inside his school bag made Nico panic, asking time and time again for them to sit down and talk, but Martino wasn’t listening. He slammed the door behind him, crying like Nico had never seen before and he was gone, Nico didn’t know for how long, but this wasn’t what he wanted.

He tried calling Marti, but he didn’t pick up so he did the second best thing.

to Gio: hey

Can you text me when Marti gets to school?

We had a fight and I just wanna make sure he’s ok

It takes almost two minutes for Gio to start typing, and Nico can’t stand still as he watches the bubbles load a couple of times on his screen.

to Nico: okay?

What happened? Is the guy from the party?

to Gio: He’s an old friend, but Marti won’t listen

to Nico: Are you sure about that?

to Gio: Yes

to Nico: okay

I’ll let you know

And Nico tries to wait patiently, even though he knows he’s outnumbered. Gio is Martino’s best friend and they’ll have each other’s back no matter what, but he hopes Gio will at least be able to tell him if he’s with Marti or not.

Two hours go by like a minute, Nico is still home, waiting for news. There’s no way Martino and Gio haven’t met, but there’s no text yet. Nico tried calling Marti a few more times, but his phone goes straight to voice mail every time.

to Nico: hey

sorry for the long wait

he’s with us now.

They all hate you now. You could have just told him what happened with Luai and this wouldn’t be happening.

Nico puts his phone down, looking at it, running his hands through his face, picking the skin of his dry bottom lip. There’s no easy way out of this mess. He picks his phone again and reads Gio’s texts one more time.

to Gio: Is he okay?

to Nico: No, but I think you know that…

He’s just overreacting, give him some time

And yourself too

to figure out...whatever is going on with Luai.

Nico sighs, closing his eyes and he slips on the couch, putting his head against the back, looking up, trying not to freak out. Gio knows, everybody already knows and they’re making their own conclusions with the little information they have. His phone shakes on his hand and Nico rushes to see if it’s Marti, but it’s Sana, making everything worst.

to Nico: hi, how are you?

I just saw Marti and I had to tell him what I knew

He’s freaking out, Nico, was crying like a baby in the doctor’s room

He has no answer to that so he drops his phone again, letting himself silently cry now that’s alone, for Marti and for himself for making this mess.

-

“Hey…” Luai comes to sit next to him on the sand and Nico has to really look around them. Marti is still with the boys getting more beer, but his eyes are on them, not as insecure or mad as before, but obviously not too happy about the scene, acting like it’s fine.

“Hi…”

Luai follows his eyes and probably sees Marti quickly looking away, pretending like he wasn’t staring.

“How are things between you two?” Nico sighs, trying to focus on this conversation, hoping Marti will hear him afterward.

“Not the same, but I’m hoping we can go back to that with time.” Luai gives him a sad smile, nodding his head quietly.

“I’m sorry...I shouldn’t have just appeared at the party like that.”

“It’s okay. We would have to talk at some point, no?” 

“I guess so. I hope so. But I get it, I had some explaining to do myself with my boyfriend.” Nico looks at Luai, and he shrugs. Nico puts his arms on top of his knees, resting his chin against his biceps as Luai explains himself.

“We had a conversation when we were getting to know each other months ago, I told him...what happened before I left Italy, but just the general context, not about who you were or any detail. He knows now, of course.” Luai laughs and Nico feels bad for how they both made an even bigger mess of something that happened years ago, feels like a whole lifetime ago.  

“And how did he react?”

“He wasn’t too happy that we were hanging out again, but he knew about me knowing someone before so I guess it could have been worst. We’re still together so that’s good!”

It’s his turn to give Luai a sad smile, not really knowing how to help. He thought Luai’s boyfriend was coming, as another “friend” of them.

“Why didn’t he come?”

Luai sighs, clearly upset. “He made sure to create any excuse not to come, but we’ll meet later and we’ll go on holiday together…”

“Is he mad?” Nico raises his eyebrows, trying to imagine his own situation happening with Luai. He takes a second to answer, sighing.

“I think so. He’s just jealous and grumpy.” Nico laughs, he knows how that feels like. But at least Marti is here.

“But did you tell him about Martino? I would imagine telling him I also have a boyfriend now would make things easier.”

“He knows because, you know, the fight, but don’t worry. It’ll pass, he’s just too stubborn to listen right now.”

Nico looks away, not knowing how to go about this. They needed to have a conversation but now feels out of place. The timing is not right, they were supposed to have this months ago. To talk about their past feelings or whatever it was months ago, to put an end to it when it ended - against their will or not -, not now, when both of them have moved on.

“I love Martino,” Nico says without any sure this is the right thing to say but it catches Luai’s attention, “You know how it was with Maddalena, you obviously know about how I felt about you...but he’s different. You’re getting the worst of him, I guess, but I promise, he’s the best.”

Luai laughs and nods his head.

“You don’t have to explain to me, you know that, right? We’re friends, Nico.” If this was another time, Luai would probably shove him away for being so dumb, but they lost the playfulness that they had at some point. Nico is okay with how they are right now, but it’s an awkward adjustment. 

“I know. I know, but I guess we never had a proper end to things, at least not one that was in our control.”

Luai moves his body to properly look at Nico. “We were both confused and just trying to find ourselves. And we were best friends, there was no other option, actually.”

“Yeah, we trusted each other, and maybe things...evolved. I’m sorry for everything that happened to you, I wish I had done more to not let it happen the way it did.”

Luai sits up straight, frowning a little, almost interrupting Nico, clearly uncomfortable.

“Nico, stop, it’s okay. It wasn’t your fault, it wasn’t mine and it’s in the past now, ok? Don’t waste your time thinking about it. You’re happy, I’m happy, forget about it.”

They silent lingers around them a little and Nico thinks about going to Marti, hugging him and kissing him and telling him hom much he misses and loves him, but he needs to make sure everything is okay with Luai. That whatever they needed to know from each other right now is answered.  

“And you? How are you now?” 

Luai looks at him, really looks at him and smiles. 

“I’m good, happy. I’m glad me and the boys could come, your friends are cool for inviting us.” 

“I’m almost sure Rami invited himself, but yeah, I’m sure they are all happy to have everyone together one last time before college.” Nico laughs and Luai does too. They both know Rami too well, he wouldn’t miss a chance of a whole weekend partying without being called out for. 

“And I talked to Martino a little at Rami’s, he’s cool. I’m sure we won’t get too close, but he does seem like a really nice guy, Nico. I’m happy for you.” 

Nico smiles, feeling his whole body that was starting to get too cold with the sun almost gone instantly warm up and relax just with the thought of Martino, his stubborn face as Gio shoved him to go talk to Luai. 

“He’s the best. I wish you two could be friends, but I understand. You know a thing or two about stubborn-jealous boyfriends. I’m happy, never thought I could be this happy. He makes me happy.” 

Luai smiles and winks at him, nodding his head back, pointing to where Marti was went they looked at him. 

“Go be with him then. I’m gonna go soon too, meet someone.” 

“I’m happy for you, really.” Nico says as he gets up, cleaning his legs from all the sand. Marti is sitting on the balcony floor, drinking and talking to the boys, all of them. Nico walks up to them and sits behind Marti, kissing his naked and warm shoulder blades, already sunburned. 

[ilguna]

Tacenda - The Interview (f.o)

Summary: you’ll never truly be free from the Capitol.

Word Count; 3k

Warnings; swearing, DEATH MENTION, DEATH

NOTES: i give reader a last name to fit the world.

–

Alyssum stares at the camera crew, watching as they push back the couches and armchairs to make room for the massive camera and the lights. The entire coffee table now sits inside of the kitchen because there is no use for it. As for the lights, each one turned on makes the room a lot brighter.

It hurts her eyes somewhat. The house has never been this lit up before, as far as she remembers. Of course, the house has lights of their own, but you never really have them on. It’s always the lamps in the corners that you have turned on. The only real time the house is bright like this, is during the day when the shutters and curtains are open.

Alyssum looks up to Reed to see that he’s stoic--as usual. His arms are crossed, and his eyes follow every movement that the Capitol people make. She knows that he can see her staring from the corner of his eye, but he doesn’t look over. Or say anything about it.

“Projecting.” One of the crew members says, there’s a device in his hands that he taps on, and then most of the people with him look up to the spot above the camera.

Caesar appears on his show. Behind him is a screen that shows the family of a different tribute, they look like they’re answering a question. Alyssum can’t hear anything they’re saying, though. There’s no audio to the visual just yet, and even then, she thinks that they won’t let her or Reed listen in.

Alyssum watches as Elysia takes a seat on the couch, her legs properly crossed, “Is it just the three of you again?”

“Yes.” Reed answers, “Caesar knows that we’re interviewing as Finnick’s family too, right?”

“He does, but the questions aren’t going to be aimed at him.” The guy who put up the hologram says, “There might be a few, but it’ll mostly be directed on (Y/n) because she’s the direct family.”

“Are there friend interviews this year?” Reed asks.

“No, we’re making an exception.”

“Why?” Alyssum asks.

The guy looks up from the device, his eyes landing on her, “They’re not nearly as important. Most of the tributes only have family to account for, anyway. Take Finnick as an example.”

“Push that light back a little bit, it’s in the shot.”

They inch the light back until it’s just barely out of the camera’s view, and then they leave it alone.

“You’re good to get up now, Elysia.”

“Thank you.” She stands, and turns to Alyssum and Reed, “Where’s Mox?”

“Here.” Mox says, coming down the stairs, “Sorry, I had to trade shirts.”

She looks over him, judging his outfit, and then she nods, “It’s better than what you were wearing before, I’ll give you that.”

“Thanks.” Mox rolls his eyes.

Elysia clasps her hands together, and then moves to be in front of the three of them, “Do I need to brief you guys again?”

“Sure.” Reed shrugs.

She gives him a look, “Caesar’s going to ask for your names again, oldest to youngest. I’d suggest answering that way to every question, to keep things organized.”

“Three minutes, he just ended the interview.” device guy says.

“Sit on the couch.” Elysia says, “Alyssum in the middle.”

“Same way as the first time?” Reed asks.

“Yes.” Elysia trails behind them.

Reed takes his seat a little to the left, making Alyssum sit in the middle, and then Mox to the right. Elysia looks them over for a moment, before readjusting as she needs to. She makes them all scoot together more, allowing as little room between them as possible.

“The hologram will be showing Caesar, and behind him will have you guys on it. Don’t look at it too often, or the camera will automatically move to cover it, since it wants your best angles, and where you all look the most.” Elysia steps back, “Chins up, and smile when it first starts.

“Don’t be short with answers, because Caesar will just ask more. I want you three to remember that he’s going to try to make this experience as comfortable as possible, he’s not trying to make it bad on purpose. He’ll want to keep things flowing, and interesting. We’re not trying to lose the audience, it might even be a good way to get sponsors.”

“Was I on the first one?” Alyssum asks.

“You were just a toddler, but yes.” Reed tells her, “He’s probably going to comment on how much you’ve aged.

“How about all of us?” Mox laughs to himself, and Reed joins in.

“The first time around he called us young, I wonder what he’ll think now.”

“Ten years and he hasn’t aged a day.”

“Well--” Elysia interjects, making them laugh, “--I wouldn’t say that.”

“Thirty seconds.” device man reminds.

“Everything is going to be fine, breathe. And not all of you have to answer every question if you don’t want to. But keep it one to two answers every question.”

“We’ll try.” Reed says.

Elysia moves out of the way of the camera, standing off to the side like the rest of the crew. Alyssum readjusts on the couch cushion anxiously, especially since she just remembered that her entire class will be seeing her on this show. No, the entire country will be seeing her.

The man starts counting down from ten, and Elysia gives one last reminder to sit up straighter, which they all do.

Then, the audio of an audience cheering fills the living room. Alyssum gives a natural smile, crossing her legs to try and look more modest. 

“This is them, everybody! The family of two of our most favored victors! Finnick and (Y/n) Odair!” Caesar motions to the screen behind him, “Let’s get a side-by-side comparison to the last time we saw them!”

The audience cheers louder, and Alyssum takes the chance to see how drastically she’s changed exactly. Of course, Reed was right when he said that she was a toddler, because she literally was. She was three then, and now she’s thirteen. A whole ten years.

It’s crazy for her to think that she was alive during your first games. She would never have thought about it like that. The fact that she was so young, and unable to process the fact that you were missing from the house. Alyssum didn’t know what was going on then, but she does now.

“Look at that growth!” Caesar motions to Alyssum, “She’s a whole person now! Old enough for the games!”

A chill goes down Reed’s spine, and Alyssum can feel it from where she’s sitting. Mox’s grip around her shoulders tighten considerably, as if Caesar will be able to reach through the hologram and pull her right out of her seat.

The worst part is that the live audience reacts to that positively, as if they enjoy the idea of her being drawn for the games.

“Let’s start with names, from oldest to youngest, please.” Caesar asks.

“My name is Reed.” Reed says.

“And how old are you now, Reed?” Caesar asks.

“Thirty.” 

Caesar doesn’t comment.

“Mox, twenty-nine.” he says, not waiting for the question.

Caesar smiles, nodding along, and then he waits patiently for Alyssum.

She gives a timid smile, “Alyssum.”

“And how old are you, my dear?” Caesar’s voice is gentle, like he’s not trying to scare her off.

“Thirteen.”

“You’ve grown quite a lot, Alyssum. The last time I saw you, you stole the hearts of myself, and the audience.” He grins, “Isn’t that right folks? She was adorable! And not only that--she also looked very similar to her older sister, even at that age.”

Alyssum wouldn’t say that she looks like you now. She knows that she definitely had a mix between you and your guys’ mom, but that’s all she’ll admit. Now, she looks a lot like mom more than anything.

The audience cheers, agreeing with him. And with that, Caesar starts the interview, “Tell me, were you all aware that (Y/n) would be volunteering to go into the games with Finnick?”

Reed takes in a deep breath, “No, we didn’t. All we did know was that she had a plan made in her head. We believe that she had done it to be with Finnick inside of the arena.”

“You believe it was selfish? That she wouldn’t rather stay with her family?”

Alyssum shakes her head, “Not selfish.”

“How so?” There’s a smile creeping onto his face.

“(Y/n) loves Finnick with her whole heart.” Mox answers for her, “She’s loved him since she was fifteen. There might have been a five year gap between the first games and her marriage, but we all know that she always wanted Finnick. They were practically made for each other.”

“(Y/n) volunteered because she wanted to be with Finnick until her last days.” Reed says.

“And be with him, she shall.” Caesar nods, “What happened when you had to say goodbye to her?”

Reed scoffs, and Mox shakes his head. Alyssum’s eyes wander off to the side, not liking this question.

“We weren’t able to, a private goodbye allowed this year. The only goodbye we had was at the train station, and even then we didn’t get to say it properly.” Reed is clearly trying to put it nicely.

Caesar nods, “But you saw her message during the interview?”

“Of course.” Reed nods, “However, that’s not an actual goodbye, we should have been allowed to see each other in a private setting.”

“I’m sorry that didn’t come true.” Caesar, in fact, looks like he’s not sorry at all, but he moves on anyway, ”If I remember correctly, during the first tribute parade, you weren’t fond of her outfit then. What about now? Did you like what her stylists had given her?”

“She’s an adult now, so it’s a different story. This year’s outfit was a lot more coverage than when she was fifteen.” Reed answers.

Mox nods along, not really having anything to say about it. So, Alyssum jumps right in, “I liked the top especially, the skirt seemed a little too… flimsy. The fabric was thin, and it showed off wrinkles too easily.”

Caesar laughs, “Is that so?”

“I would have chosen a stiffer fabric.” Alyssum makes a face, tilting her head, “As for Finnick, I think he was just fine. Whatever net that they were both wearing clearly irritated their skin, you can see the red marks on their arms and legs if you watch their close up.”

Mox laughs, “She’s been interested in the fashion that cycles through the Capitol. If you think this opinion is big, you won’t like what she has to say for some of the trends that you go through.”

“Someone should recommend her to be a stylist, then.” Caesar laughs, “What do you think? Do you think she would be able to design better outfits than some of the stylists we have already?” 

The audience cheers pretty loudly for that, but Alyssum doesn’t really care. She wouldn’t really want to go to the Capitol and design trends for them. She'd much rather do it from the comforts of her own district. She might not be in District Eight, but she can make things work.

You do give her a pretty big allowance, and she saves it most of the time. With all that she has saved up, she could buy herself a sewing machine, thread and a ton of different cloths. She’d have to learn how to use the machine, but she’s a quick thinker. It won’t be long before she’s making outfits that she can wear to school.

“We might just have to see what you can make!” Caesar laughs, “We’re always needing fresh minds.”

Alyssum gives a small smile.

“How did you feel about their training scores?” Caesar wanders on the stage a bit to open up the room behind him to show off the scores, “There wasn’t much improvement to be made, but they got up there.”

Alyssum is a little surprised to see a ten as your first score, the same as Finnick. You two were fourteen and fifteen, barely older than she is now. And you two just managed to get the best scores that there was to get the first time around. 

“(Y/n) likely did one of her tricks that she’s been training for these past few months,” Reed leans back against the couch, “Her and Finnick have been working their asses off to prepare for the games. I’m sure whatever happened inside of the training room itself was a big help to her score.”

“I believe so, too.” Caesar says, “Unfortunately, we don’t get to see anything that goes inside of the training center, but I was told that she nearly outshone the other tributes when she was training.”

“Sounds like her.” Mox says, “There was hardly a day where her and Finnick were taking a break from training. It took months to build up her endurance, she could run around with Alyssum on her back and not break a sweat. She’s in great condition.”

“I’m disappointed that she hadn’t gotten a twelve.” Caesar barely gets out, before the audience is shouting in agreeance, “If anyone had deserved to make history, it might as well have been her--and Finnick for that matter!”

But instead it was the sixteen year olds. Both earning twelves when it wasn’t due. Alyssum was a little glad that you hadn’t gotten that high of a score, though. With all that you taught her, she bets that you’re happy you hadn’t gotten a twelve either. It just means more trouble when you’re inside of the arena.

“Do either of you have a clue what trick she pulled off this time? I remember the last was two knives.”

Reed shakes his head, “No idea. I couldn’t remember the first trick until she came home and showed me.”

“It’s probably around the same thing she showed the first time. And with our luck, we won’t be able to see her actually use it in the arena.” Mox says, “She mostly does the tricks for show, not for practical use. When she fights, she’s not trying to be dainty, she’s trying to be deadly.”

Alyssum can’t help her facial expression, and Caesar notices this, which puts a whole new tone on the interview.

“I almost forgot that it’s the first time Alyssum will be watching her dear older sister inside of the games.” Caesar is gentle again, “How do you feel, knowing that she’s in danger? Or that she’s doing… unladylike things?”

Reed scowls, and Alyssum’s eyes narrow, “They’re not unladylike, she’s doing what she has to do to survive, and I know that. I’m not a child, Caesar, I’m thirteen. I’m just a year older than the requirements to start getting my name pulled out of the glass bowl. You can’t preserve the innocence of the people, if you’re the one that’s taking the innocence away.

“And she’s not in danger, either. She’s got Finnick, and Johanna, and Katniss and Peeta and Beetee. She’s as safe as she can be, because she’s got a nice group of allies. The only danger in there, is the arena that you’ve engineered. Other than that, she can handle herself, and her friends.

“Enobaria and Brutus mean absolutely nothing to her.” Alyssum crosses her arms, “May the odds be ever in their favor.”

There’s a silence that fills the living room, and the audience. No one speaks for a good moment, until Reed laughs. He’s not laughing at her, he’s laughing at the fact that she just spoke the minds of plenty of people watching.

Caesar gives a weak smile, “How do you feel about her performance inside of the arena so far?”

Alyssum is on a rebellious streak, so she answers before her brothers, “I think that she could be doing better, killing more people, doing more unladylike things.”

Mox has a smile hinting at the corners of his mouth, “I will say that it’s a lot more uneventful than it was in her first games. She’s not nearly as into it as she was before, and it’s probably because she’s hyperfixating on her and Finnick’s survival.”

“She’s obviously been keeping a close eye on the others,” Reed says, “You can tell by her body language, the only person she really trusts is Johanna, and that’s because they’ve met on several occasions. Other than that, it’s clear that she’s wary of Katniss and Peeta’s movements. 

“Probably because they’ve been so distrusting, which is starting to reflect on her too. She likes to give people the benefit of the doubt, but they’re testing her patience a bit.” 

Caesar looks off to the side, and he almost looks relieved, “We’re almost out of time, so you know what that means.” he looks back at the camera, “Reed, if there was one thing you could say to (Y/n) and Finnick right now, what would it be?”

“I’d tell (Y/n) that she’s doing great, and to not doubt any of her choices. She went in there with a plan to keep Finnick safe, and she’s gotta keep that in mind. As for Finnick, I’d ask him to keep a closer eye on my baby sister, because she needs him, like he needs her.” Reed looks over to Mox next.

Mox shrugs somewhat, “I’m just worried about her safety around the other victors. I’d tell her and Finnick to look for double-meanings in plans, and if they’ll compromise safety and trust. Finnick is quick on his feet, so I think he’ll be able to catch on if there’s a hint of trouble. (Y/n) shouldn’t be trying to get too close to the others.”

“I’d tell them that I miss them.” Alyssum tightens her arms, “The house isn’t the same without them here. Everyone in District Four misses them, especially Annie since they’re good friends of hers. And I hope to see either of them really soon, as the winners of the games.”

Caesar gives a thoughtful nod, before a smile appears on his face, “Well, that’s all the time we have for you. (Y/n) and Finnick have been together since the very beginning, so it makes sense that they’ll be together until the end!” he laughs, Reed grits his teeth, “Ladies and gentlemen, the family of (Y/n) and Finnick Odair!”

[sinner-as-saint]

Ocean Eyes

Post Endgame Steve Rogers Fic.

Requested by anon: “I was wondering if you could possibly write something about where the reader was Tony’s daughter, from a one night stand before he was iron man, and is dating Steve, so when Tony passes in Endgame she uses sex with Steve as a way to help her grieve?”

Themes: Smut, angst, feels, language, a little bit of soft Bucky

A/n: Let’s pretend Steve didn’t go back to return the stones right away. I mean he does eventually, but just not right after the funeral. Enjoy loves! And do let me know what you think, i love hearing feedback! 

    You sat in the living area of the new home your dad left you in his will, not far from the Avengers’ compound. A cup of strong, black coffee in your hand and your laptop on your lap, you just scrolled through the countless number of emails and fan art you were receiving or being tagged in – the world was mourning for your father like they should for the hero he was. While Morgan sat next to you, munching messily on her second mini cheeseburger of the night. She reminded you so much of your dad it was crazy.

You were Y/n Stark, daughter of Tony Stark. You never knew who your mother was, and your dad didn’t know either. All you could put together was that you were conceived during Tony Stark’s playboy days; years before he became Iron Man. And what you dad told you was that one day long time ago, a man showed up on his doorstep with a baby and a handwritten letter. And the unknown man left both you and the letter in his hands before going away without a word.

Upon reading the letter, Tony figured that you were his daughter. You were 10 months old at the time. And ever since then, you had the best dad anyone could ask for.

Time passed and your dad almost died, was kidnapped and eventually became Earth’s best defender; Iron Man and you couldn’t be happier when he first introduced you to the Avengers. Your relationship with Pepper was awesome too. Your dad was your best friend, and losing him was your worst nightmare. A nightmare which came true.

You went to every single mission with your dad; despite his over protectiveness. And you fought alongside your father every single time, until the Civil War between him and Cap.

You both had a huge argument when he found out that you were siding with Steve. He said things he didn’t mean and you did too. And after finding out the whole story, you didn’t want to choose sides anymore, so you disappeared. For years nobody knew where you went; your dad was losing his mind and then Thanos happened.

You somehow showed up in Wakanda while your dad was on Titan. Long story short, you thought you had lost him in the snap, but then he came home.

Your dad decided that he wanted to marry Pepper finally and settle down somewhere far from the superhero life. And you were happy for him truly. They had a simple wedding, and then they had a daughter, Morgan.

You lost people in the snap, and for 5 years you all tried to move on.

During those five years, you lived with the Avengers, well what was left of them. You helped Nat through it all and you somehow grew closer to Steve more than anyone else. And before you knew it, you were starting to catch feelings for the super soldier.

After the last battle, when you saw your father die right in front of you, you were completely broken. You were still in denial at his funeral. In his prerecorded message for all of you, he mentioned that he was leaving you, Morgan, Peter and Harley everything he had, including a lavish, smart home built just for each one of you. Morgan lived with Pepper, while you lived alone in your spacious home. And it got lonely sometimes, but the team kept visiting. Peter would come by sometimes, Sam and Bucky would too. Steve was somehow always away but he visited whenever he could.

The team were still debating over who would actually go to place all the stones back. You offered to go, but a loud echo of ‘No!’ from many people, including Happy and Rhodey, shot back at you when you did propose that idea during a recent meeting. Being Tony Stark’s daughter, it was a habit for them, instilled by Tony himself, to be protective over you.

 Morgan’s voice dragged you back to reality from the flashback you were having.

 “Can I please have another one, Y/n?” she asked, giving you the best puppy eyes ever. She had your dad’s eyes and whenever you looked into them, you knew that he was with you in another form.

“Nice try Morgoona, but mom is gonna kill us both if she ever found out that I’m your cheeseburger dealer. Also, she’s on her way to pick you up, she’s done with work. You can have cheeseburgers tomorrow baby, for now, let’s wipe your face,” you were babysitting Morgan while Pepper was caught up with work and meetings all day.

 An hour later, Pep came over to pick Morgan up asked you if you wanted to join them for dinner. You politely refused because you still needed time to recover before going back to the lake house which was filled with your dad’s memories.

It was around 10 p.m. and you were just lounging in the living area with a book when your phone buzzed on the coffee table not far from you.

It was a message from Steve.

1 new message from Captain Dorito: Can I come over? Need to talk.

 It simply said, yet the seven little words made your heart pound inside your chest. You and Steve were an on and off couple. Yeah you had sex multiple times in the past, but since you lost your father and since Bucky came back, you both had been a bit distant from one another; taking time to heal and catch up with the ones you had lost.

His text was short and simple, but your tried your hardest to read between the words, and when you couldn’t figure anything out – you texted him a simple ‘yeah’ and paced around in your living room until you heard the roar of his car’s engine coming through your property’s gate.

Just a few moments later, the AI your father had created and installed in your house spoke up.

“Captain Rogers is at the door, Y/n.” it simply said. And you let out a loud breath.

“Let him in, Mr. J,” you replied back. He was named after Jarvis, because he was your favorite AI that your dad ever made. You wanted to name yours Jarvis Junior but then settled on Mr. J because it was cooler.

 You were on the first floor so it took him a few seconds to come in the room which you were in and those few seconds felt like an eternity. Then you finally saw him, after days.

He walked in your living room, carefully shaved, his soft, signature smile on and wearing a long sleeved, tight, navy blue shirt which accentuated his defined abs and his biceps. The sight of him alone made your heart go crazy in a really good way.

 “Hey Y/n,” he simply said, greeting you with his muscular arms wide open; hoping for a much needed hug.

Perhaps it was the fact that you hadn’t seen each other in quite a while. Perhaps it was because you missed him. Or perhaps it was because you were tired of being alone and acting so strong for Morgan, Peter, Pepper, and Rhodey and basically everyone else that you needed a shoulder to cry on as well. Either way, you ran into his arms and wrapped your limbs around him, a few tears falling down your cheeks in the process and landed on his shirt.

But he didn’t mind, he just wanted to hold you and let you know that it was okay and that he was here.

You jumped in his arms and wrapped your legs around his lean waist, while his strong arms pressed your body against his even more.

The faint scent of his cologne calmed you down. The comfort in his smile reminded you that you were home, safe. His arms around your body made you feel protected and that no harm would ever fall on you.

 “You’re here finally. What happened, bored of everyone already?” you asked, sniffling and he chuckled, rocking you slightly before placing you back on your feet.

You looked up at him, still in his embrace as his hands settled on both sides of your waist. Your e/c eyes bore into his ocean blue ones.

They held an incomparable depth. They weren’t just blue eyes, they were the kind that reminded you of the azure sea on a bright day. They reminded you of a dim ray of light passing through the rarest of blue diamonds. They shone like blue fire; burning along the rims of his black pupil. They reminded you of home.

“You’re not an option that I turn to when I’m bored, Y/n, I’ve told you many times before. You needed time to heal, but then I thought that you might need some company. I mean, you haven’t left this house in a whole week. Did you eat today?” he asked in his ‘Captain’ voice.

You sighed and smiled at his concern.

“Yeah I had cheeseburgers with Morgan,” you replied and from the look on his face, you could tell he was done.

“You Stark girls and your cheeseburgers! Want me to make you dinner, a proper dinner. Not just lumps of cheese and unhealthy processed meat which h-,”

“Jesus Steve! You sound like the old man you are! I’m fine, I just…miss you. A lot,” you laughed and stood on your tip toes to rub your nose against his.

Your lips brushed against his in the process and you caught the sharp intake of air he took.

His grip on your waist tightened and he smiled, placing his forehead against yours.

“I miss you too, a lot,” he whispered and his hot breath fanned your face.

 Your hand held the back of his head as you pulled him down slightly so you could kiss him properly. His lips met yours for a slow kiss and both your mouth moved in perfect harmony.

The kiss quickly turned into one which was needy and passionate and it sent tingles all over your body. Your other hand held his face gently as his tongue slipped into your mouth. His taste drove you crazy. Your body burned with desire wherever his skin made contact with yours. And soon, it felt way to warm to still have your clothes on. So you got rid of them.

“Mr. J, shut down on the first floor, please. Thanks,” you quickly told the AI and as a response, you got two beeps – signaling that Mr. J was no longer recording audio nor visuals of the occurrence of the floor which you were in.

You briefly broke contact with your super soldier to take off your top while he pulled down your shorts and left them at your feet; leaving you only in your matching set of dark burgundy cotton underwear. He kissed his way up from your thighs until he reached your collar bones. He bit, kissed and marked your skin until he finally found his way to your sweet spot.

He mercilessly assaulted the skin just underneath your jaw with his mouth till you placed the palm of your hand underneath his tight shirt and over his abs.

“Take it off,” you spoke in your authoritative voice and he obeyed immediately.

“Yes ma’am,” he teased and took off his shirt in an agonizingly slow pace, followed by his pants; leaving him only in his black briefs which did nothing to hide his very prominent hard on.

Meanwhile, you made yourself quite comfortable on the nearby couch, watching him strip just for you; leaning backwards till your back hit the multiple soft cushions while you parted your legs slightly, just to invite him in but not give him the full show just yet.

A devilish smirk cast itself upon his handsome face when he saw you in the position, on that couch. And he knew exactly what you wanted.

He slightly pushed the nearby coffee table aside with ease and knelt in front of you. The palms of his hands on either of your knees as he pulled your legs further apart slowly. Your breathing grew faster as he maintained eye contact while hooking a finger on the side of your underwear and pulled it down lazily.

Your lust got the best of you and you hurried to unclasp your bra and let it fall by your side. You had been intimate with the soldier many times now, and being naked in front of him had never been an issue.

Upon seeing your delicate swells, his eyes got darker as his desire rushed through his body faster than before. His heartbeat increased just by seeing how beautiful you looked; naked in front of him, waiting patiently for him to take his time on you.

 “You are so beautiful, baby,” he whispered against your inner thighs as his lips grazed the soft skin leisurely.

Your core was dripping and you knew he could see it because it was literally flowing out of your folds at this point. Your entrance was throbbing; awaiting desperately for his attention and his touch. Steve knew what you wanted, but he enjoyed teasing the living shit out of you.

He licked a thick stripe from your thigh to your hip bone, and kissed his way across your abdomen to reach the other side of your hip, all while carefully avoiding the spot where you wanted him the most.

You groaned out of frustration.

“Steve!” you mumbled, grabbing a handful of his hair and tugging on it gently.

He smirked against your skin and placed one last kiss right under your belly button before lifting his head up to meet your glossy eyes looking down at him.

“Yes? Want anything?” he asked nonchalantly as he rubbed his hands up and down your legs. His touch sent shivers right down your spine and despite the decent room temperature, you got chills.

You wanted him. All of him. He was your escape. Steve was what you needed to forget about everything for a short while. It seemed selfish, but it felt right.

“Yes, please just- touch me, Captain, please,” you whined in desperation and his eyebrows shot up while his smirk got bigger at the name used at him. He liked it.

His hands wrapped around your thighs as he pulled you closer to him slightly; your bare, dripping core much closer to his face now and when he spoke, his breath fanned against your wet folds and caused an intense sensation right on top of your throbbing core.

“Where does my girl want me? Right here?” he asked and before you could give him a proper answer, he slipped his tongue between your slippery folds and the warmth of his mouth dragged a loud moan out of you.

“Fuck! Right there Steve,” you moaned and held his head right above your heat, tugging on his scalp slightly as both your fists were tangled in his hair.

His tongue worked on your entrance, slipping in and out of your folds and occasionally circling your bundle of nerves and sucking harshly on it – driving you crazy with just his tongue.

Somehow, while he was at it, he slipped two fingers into your tight entrance and curled them upwards while he lazily stroked them in and out of you. And a rather vulgar moan slipped out of your mouth.

While he pumped his fingers in and out of you, his tongue flicked over your clit speedily while occasionally bringing his mouth over it to suck on it gently.

He worshiped your body with all his might, and soon, you came undone all over his mouth and his skilled fingers. Your body was squirming under him as the waves of euphoria washed over you, and your desire flowed out of you drop by drop as he removed his fingers from the tight, circular entrance of your core.

He didn’t waste any time in bringing his tongue back to your dripping heat once again, relishing whatever you had to offer him. His nose grazed your carefully trimmed bush and you could see your cum dripping down his chin. The sight was filthy, and you liked it.

His tongue brushed over your most sensitive spots and your body was shaking under his touch, and that didn’t stop him. He licked you clean and then stood up to look down at you.

 “You always taste so damn good,” he whispered, stroking your hair gently with his hand as he stood in front of you, a thin layer of sweat all over his muscular abdomen and his broad chest.

 His hard on looked so prominent that it looked like it must be painful at this point.

You took your bottom lip between your teeth as you waited for his next command.

 “You’re gonna be a good girl and suck my cock now, aren’t you, babygirl? You’re gonna wrap your pretty mouth around me, yeah? Well, then get to work baby,” he whispered huskily and you didn’t waste another second.

You hurried and pulled down his black briefs, which pooled at his ankles and he carefully stepped out of them as you wrapped your hand around his thick length and pumped it a couple of times before taking just the tip into your mouth, knowing how much that got him to the edge.

“Fuck! Your mouth feels – holy fuck!” he moaned as you caught him off guard and toyed with his balls.

Your mouth wrapped around his leaking tip and your tongue twirled around it, dragging a few cuss words out of his oh so righteous and pure mouth.

To the world, Steve Rogers was a good, honest and saintly man. But here, naked with you, the feral and rawness in him came out and you liked knowing that you had the power to bring this wild side out of the noble, out of time, hero.

The cuss words flowed out of his mouth like a chant as your tongue brushed over the slit of his length before taking all of him into your mouth. You allowed him to slide inside your mouth until he hit the back of your throat.

You bounced your head as your mouth milked his length perfectly. His one hand held a grip in your hair while the other held your jaw possessively while you maintained eye contact with him.

His perfect face had a pleasant frown upon it as you moved your mouth around him, tracing each bump and each bulging vein with your tongue. His taste drove you wild, and soon, his grip tugged at your hair harder and he bucked his hips against your mouth, sliding his length in and out of your mouth faster than before. That signaled that he was close so coming undone.

You hollowed your cheeks and sucked on his hard length slightly, a hiss slipping out of his pink lips as you noticed that his muscles tensed and soon, you felt his load shoot the back of your throat.

His raw, salty taste fueled your lust for him.

His semi hard length slowly slipped out of your mouth as his eyes rolled back and he leaned his head back a little, breathing heavily with his mouth slightly parted as his orgasm washed through him as well. A few droplets of sweat trickled down his chest and he looked magnificent, his damp skin shining in the dim evening light of your living room.

The sight of him riding the waves of pleasure was something you couldn’t get used to no matter how many times you saw it before. He looked ethereal.

 His heavy breathing ceased slightly as his grip on your jaw tightened. He bent down and brought his own face closer to yours.

His warm cum smudged slightly on the side of your mouth and the sight of having his cum messily all over your mouth drove the man insane.

He gripped your jaw and lifted your face up to line up with his. His grip on your jaw caused your mouth to part just the slightest.

“Look at you, all messy and wet with my cum all over your mouth. You’re mine, you get that? All mine,” he growled and spat in your mouth before quickly covering your mouth with his warm one.

The kiss was ferocious, animalistic and passionate. You could feel his lust for you in the kiss, his teeth clashed against yours and his lips made it their mission to bruise yours. The kiss hurt, but the passion and lust hidden in it minimized the pain.

His hands traveled everywhere all over your body. He pulled you up so you were standing as well, and slapped your thighs lightly. You took that as your cue to jump and wrap your legs around his waist once again.

He carefully walked the two of you to your bedroom, all while kissing the living shit out of you.

You briefly broke the kiss once he laid you down on your cool, satin sheets. He stood back, looked at you and smirked.

 Oh, you knew that smile.

 “Condoms on the t-,”

“The top drawer, yeah I know,” he smirked, finishing your sentence as he quickly opened the drawer, took one out, ripped the wrapping, took it out and handed it to you.

“Wanna do the honors?” he teased as you sat up and took the thin, transparent condom out of his hand and slipped it carefully onto his length.

You gave the glistening tip a quick peck and he growled again, making you smirk this time.

 “Hurry up, Captain. I need you to fuck me, now!” you demanded and he was quick to follow your orders.

He pushed you back on the bed and wrapped his mouth around your nipple, while his hand toyed with the other one. His lips and fingers pinching and biting down on the soft buds gently.

He kissed his way down from the valley of your boobs, around your belly button, until he reached your core.

He rubbed his tip against your clit and you moaned out loud. He was barely in you and you were already so stimulated.

He applied just the slightest of pressure and rubbed his tip up and down your wet folds, earning another loud, obscene moan out of you followed by a chant of cuss words.

 He smirked again.

 “I love how your body responds to my touch babe,” he whispered quickly before slipping his length inside of you without another warning.

You took deep breaths as your entrance adjusted to his size. Again, no matter how many times you’ve been intimate with him, his size was definitely something which you couldn’t just get used to.

 “Tell me if I hurt you, babygirl. Tell me if you want me to s-,”

“God! Just fuck me Rogers!” you playfully slap his chiseled face and his smirk grew wider.

His body hovered over yours as he supported himself up with his elbows, placed on either side of your head.

He moved his hips just the slightest and you felt his length stretch you to your maximum.

 “Fuck, baby! You’re so fucking tight, shit!” you heard his groan under his breath as his lips found their way to your neck, kissing and biting the skin like he owned it.

 Hearing him swear was always a turn on for you, and as your heard his vulgar words, your core got wetter and wetter – lubricating and easing his way as he rocked in and out of you.

He started slow, and when he realized that you had gotten used to his size – he sped up.

Sweat formed in between his eyebrows as he pounded into your heat. Your legs instinctively reached around his waist and you locked him in place.

One of his hands reached around your back as he lifted your back slightly off the bed sheets. The new angle allowed his length to stroke sensitive spots you didn’t know you had. Your wet walls clenched carefully around him and pumped him nicely.

His tip grazed your g-spot with almost every thrust and you were beginning you lose yourself in his embrace. Your head clouded with lust, passion and your love for him. And suddenly all that mattered in the world was the way your body connected with his in that moment. All you cared about was how he made you feel loved. All you could focus on was the filthy words which escaped his mouth.

 His hand left your back and flew to your clit. He rubbed the little nub furiously and soon, the sweet, all too familiar pressure began forming itself right at your heat. And you knew you couldn’t hold it in much longer.

 “Steve! Fuck, I’m so close, Captain. Can I cum, please?” you asked, unsure of whether you made any sense. And you heard him grunt and moan your name once again.

Hearing you calling him ‘Captain’ in bed was something which turned him on more than anything. And having you squirming underneath him, naked and at his mercy was a sight he would never forget.

“Hold on, baby. Just a little longer,” he whispered against your sweet spot and moved his mouth over yours once again, drinking in all the moans and cuss words which left your lips as he fucked you into oblivion. Your tight entrance applied just the right amount of pressure around his shaft and it was hard even for the super soldier to hold back his release.

 His kissed you and you moaned into his mouth and soon, his thrust started getting more and more irregular. You knew he was close and suddenly you couldn’t keep it in anymore. The pressure building at your core became too much to hold back, so you let go. And you came undone around him.

“Fuck! Captain!,” was all you could say as you moaned out loud.

Your heartbeat rand in your ears as your back arched off the bed and your chest pressed against his. The feeling of your bare body against his was what brought about his intense orgasm.

He moaned out loud and felt his warm seed fill the condom. His heart rate increased as well, and your ragged breath against his cheek was the only thing he could focus on.

His length went limp inside you and he carefully slipped it out.

He removed the condom off, tied it and threw it somewhere on the ground; it being the last thing he cared about right now. His body fell on top of yours, yet he was careful as to not apply all of his body weight on top of yours because given that you were not enhanced in anyway – it would definitely crush you.

 You wrapped your limbs around him once again as he moved to lay right next to you on the bed.

“I’ve always liked this bed, you know. And having you in it with me is just, heaven on Earth,” he whispered, kissing your sweaty forehead as he held you close.

 You chuckled at his absolutely random confession.

You calmed you heartbeat and breathing before replying.

 “I love you, Steve. Anywhere is heaven on Earth when I’m with you,” you confessed and placed a kiss on his chest before laying your head on top of it.

He laughed and placed a kiss on top of your hair, while stroking it gently.

It was true, this was your true definition of happiness. Here, with him in your bed; both of you tired and worn out from making love, limbs tangled with one another, the smell of sex in the air as you both tried to calm your racing hearts.

This was how you intended to spend the rest of your life, with him.

 However, you couldn’t help but hear the faint whisper of your conscience asking you if he wanted the same.

Was this what he wanted as well? Did he envision his forever being with you?

 You tried your hardest to silence the faint voice down.

 “Hey, earlier in your text you said you needed to talk. Is everything okay?” you asked, desperately wanting that the little voice would just shut up.

His charming smile faded instantly as soon as those words left your mouth.

“Steve? Is everything okay?” you asked again and he shifted from under you and laid on his side, facing you properly as his hand flew to your cheek, his knuckles gently caressing the soft skin.

 “We, uh, had another meeting today. Well, more like a heated discussion, if not an argument really. All of us, and Pepper was there too. I guess that’s why she was late to pick up Morgan, I don’t know. Look, what I-“

“You guys had a meeting without me? Why? Steve, I deserve to know what’s going on just like the rest of you do,” you couldn’t hide the hurt in your voice. And he caught it.

 You sat up and pulled your blanket to cover your body from the chilly air coming from the AC.

Steve sighed and sat up too, getting under the covers with you.

You both leaned against the head board as Steve tried his best to answer to your queries.

 “I know. And you do, you have the complete right to be mad at all of us, but just know that it was my idea not to tell you,” he explained and you couldn’t help but feel unwanted.

 “Why?” was all you asked, your voice cracking in the process, and he sighed again before continuing.

 “I proposed something. And I didn’t need someone else to tell me what a horrible idea it was while none of you understood that this is the right way to do it,” his words confused you.

“Steve, I don’t understand, what I-,”

 “That stones. I’m gonna go return them, tomorrow. It’s high time now. How long are we gonna hold on to them and pretend that it’s too dangerous. We have to get them back to where they belong. Please, I was hoping that at least you would understand where I’m coming from,” he pleaded and you simply couldn’t ignore the lump in your throat.

You had all collectively agreed that it was a dangerous mission, with a crap ton of risks. And now, Steve was willing to risk it all.

 “But, can’t someone else go? We can’t risk you Cap,” you were on the verge of tears. And he pulled you into his lap and held you close; placing his forehead against yours.

 “And I can’t risk any of you while I sit here and wait. I have to be the one to do it. I’m the Captain, don’t forget that,” he further argued and the tears fell down your cheeks because you couldn’t hold them back anymore.

You were crying because you were afraid you would lose him, but also, because he was adamant; he was hell bent since day one about how he was the one who should go return the stones and ever since – you couldn’t help but feel as though this was more than him carrying out his ‘Captain’ duties. Somewhere, deep within your heart, you truly believed that he was trying to change something in his past. And that hurt you more than losing him.

 “What if you miss the timing? What if you get stuck somewhere, we’ll never know. What if you get stuck, out of time, again? What if y-,”

 “Shh, hey baby. I’ll be okay. I’ll be fine. I’ll come back to you, I will. I will come back to all of you. I promise you,” he pulled you in for a kiss and suddenly, for some weird reason, you felt like he was drifting far from you. But he was right there, in your arms, then why did it feel like he wasn’t?

 You reluctantly agreed.

“Fine. I, I love you okay. Come back to me, please,” you whispered against his lips.

He didn’t answer, but he did capture your lips in a lazy, deep kiss. His hands held you close to him and in that moment; you forgot everything.

And you were too busy to notice that he didn’t say anything when you confessed your love for him.

   Steve left after you both went for round 2, and cuddled for a while. You asked Mr. J to turn back on in the first floor and you went in your bathroom for a much needed bath.

While your body soaked in the tub, filled with peach scented oils and frothy bath bombs – you couldn’t stop the tears once again.

You thought about everything; your dad, your broken family and how alone you would be if it weren’t for Steve.

And while you were at it, you thought about Steve as well. What a story he had, of a super soldier trapped out of time in a world he didn’t quite fit in.

You thought about how scared he must have been when he woke up for the first time in 70 years, in the middle of a bustling city; out of time.

You thought about how heartbroken he must’ve felt when he realized that he had left his first love behind while he was stuck in this advanced world; out of time.

 Hot tears fell down your face as your racing thoughts didn’t stop.

 What if this isn’t what he wants?

Steve’s been trying so hard to fit in this fast paced world – one where he wasn’t supposed to be in the first place.

What if it was selfish of you to forcing him to stay here with you?

Maybe, you thought, you should just leave him the choice while the power would be in his hands tomorrow?

This, was never the life he chose. He’s trapped here. But what if he could change that, and live the life he wanted? What if he could really be with the one he once truly loved?

 Your heart broke hearing your own thoughts, but you knew you had to let him go. Your dad taught you better than to be selfish when it comes to love. And you were gonna do the right thing, tomorrow.

  -NEXT MORNING-

 Guess it’s safe to say that you woke up wiser. You knew just what to do.

After a quick breakfast, you drove straight to the compound and made your way inside once you parked your car.

 “And she finally left the house! I’m so happy you’re here, y/n!” Wanda gave you a long hug and you two casually talked for a while.

A few minutes later, Bruce walked in with Sam hot on his heels and it looked like they were arguing.

 “…but you’re sure that he’ll make it back in one single piece because dude, he’s Captain America and one single mistake on your part and the entire country is gonna kick your huge, green a- Y/N! Hey, you’re here too!” Sam pulled you in for a hug as well.

You chuckled and hugged him back tightly.

 “Hey birdie, missed me?” you asked and he just gave you one of his soft, caring smiles.

“Can’t lie, I did miss your annoying ass,” he answered and soon, Bruce picked you up from behind.

 “HEY! We missed you!” the gentle giant said and you tried your best not giggle as he tickled your sides.

“I missed you guys too. Is Steve here?” you asked and Sam quickly told you that he was upstairs getting his quantum suit on.

 You told the rest of the team that you’d be back in a minute as you rushed upstairs. You needed to talk to him urgently.

While on your way up, you bumped into a hard body.

“Shit! I’m so sorry,” you quickly apologized and looked up only to be met with a pair of crystal blue eyes.

Bucky placed his metal arm on your shoulder and gave it a little squeeze, smiling gently at you.

 “You okay, doll? You seem a little shaken up, you alright?” he asked and you nodded, unable to speak because you were mentally rehearsing the speech you were about to deliver to Steve.

“Okay, I’m here if you ever need to talk. See you around,” he said and made his way downstairs.

 You rushed through the corridor until you reached Steve’s room. You knocked and from inside came a muffled voice.

“Come in, Y/n,” was all it said and you pushed the door open and rushed inside.

“Hey Steve, uh, can we talk?” you asked.

“Sure, what’s wrong?” he asked, fixing his suit and securing the Pym particle on his side.

“I, I love you. Okay, I really do. You helped me when I couldn’t help myself. You, and the others, you got me out of my misery and you always knew how to cheer me up. Even when dad was gone, you were always there. You’re my best friend Steve, you’re my rock, and I love you. But…”

Your voice trailed off as you didn’t know how to word your emotions. You loved him, you really did – but holding on to him and asking him to stay would be selfish. And you couldn’t be selfish anymore, not when he had the chance to get his life, and his first love back. You wanted him to be happy, you wanted him to have the happy life he deserved. Even if it meant, not sharing the life with you.

“But? But what- hey are you okay? Y/n, please don’t cry, tell me what’s wrong babe, please,” he walked up to you and wrapped his arm around you while his other hand caressed your cheeks, wiping away your fallen tears in the process.

 You sniffled and thought, maybe you should just say it.

“I, uh, I think you should stay back. I think you should live your life, with Peggy, back in time,” you whispered and for just a split moment, his breathing stopped.

He didn’t say a word so you thought you should clarify things further.

“No one has to know, Steve. I know you don’t fit in here. I know you loved her, a lot. And in just a matter of time, you’ll have the power in your hands. The stones, you can use them and, maybe, stay behind and live the happy life you deserve. With her, she’s the love of your life after all,” you said, a few more tears falling down your cheeks.

These ones, he didn’t wipe away because he was unable to move as the words left your mouth.

 “Y/n… I, what? I can’t leave?” it sounded more like a question than a statement to you.

“You deserve it, Steve. I won’t say a word to anyone. I will always love and respect you as a person Steve. I value our friendship more than anything. All the time I spent with you, all those moments, they’ll always be special to me. But you deserve a happy life, Captain. One where you’re not out of time, one which you spend with the love of your life. You deserve that, Steve, you really do. As for us, we’ll manage, don’t worry,” you wiped your tears and hugged him tightly.

 “You are one of the best person I’ve ever met, y/n. I love you, I, I don’t know what to say,” he whispered against your hair.

You smiled.

 You were hurting, but realizing the true happiness he’ll receive once he goes back made everything better. You loved him, and you were gonna lose him, but somehow, it felt like it needed to happen.

  You both walked out of the room and the entire team was waiting for you outside. It was time for Steve to go, but the rest of the team had no idea; that he was actually going.

You could see the worry clear on Sam’s face, while Bucky was smiling faintly at you.

Wanda was nowhere to be seen, and Bruce was busy with the time machine. You both walked up to the machine and Steve stopped to give Sam and then Bucky a hug. The two super soldiers shared a hundred year old inside joke and you smiled looking at both of them.

When they pulled away from the hug, Bucky gave you a half smile, and a curious look. One which you couldn’t quite understand but you soon shook it off as Steve wrapped his arms around you once again.

“Thank you, y/n, for everything,” he whispered quietly in your ear.

You inhaled his faint cologne one last time and gave his body a tight hug.

“Thank you for everything, Steve. Now, go live your life Captain,” you whispered back in his ear and he pulled away smiling.

 Steve stepped on the time machine and smiled back at all of you.

“How long is it gonna take?” Sam asked Bruce. The worry in his tone was still very audible.

“For him, however long he needs. For us, ten seconds,” Bruce replied, going through everything one more time.

You stood right next to the machine and soon, Bucky was by your side.

“You did the right thing, y/n. It was a hard decision, but I’m glad you took the right one,” he whispered in your ear, and his words were unheard by both Sam and Bruce.

 You turned your head abruptly to face him but before you could say anything, Bruce spoke up.

“Going quantum in 3, 2, 1,” and while he spoke, Steve’s mask was on and the machine whirred loudly.

And within a nanosecond, Steve was gone. And your heart felt heavy again.

A couple of seconds passed and the worry on Sam’s face grew even more prominent.

“And back in 3, 2, 1,” Bruce said, flipping a switch or two.

 But nothing happened. Steve didn’t come back. He listened to you after all.

 While Sam and Bruce argued over what was happening, you felt a cold, metal hand against your cheek. It was Bucky, and you didn’t realize that he had held you close to him the whole time as you watched Steve leaving.

“Don’t cry doll, you did the right thing,” he whispered and you nodded.

“Thanks Buck, I know. He deserved it, he deserved a chance to live his life with the one he truly loves,” you spoke in a low voice and he hugged you tightly.

   ***

He left her lonely with a diamond mind And those ocean eyes

[atomicse]

juliantina au 3 + trope 2 + prompt 34

i didn’t think i would get any of these… but let’s go!

spy!au +  enemies to lovers + “i don’t even know why we’re doing this.”

(idk if this is any good [or coherent] but i wrote it at 3am so pls be kind. also i don’t think this is what u wanted anon, but…)

-

“god, this is so boring, this dude hasn’t done anything all day. i don’t even know why we’re doing this.”

juliana rolls her eyes. of all the people they could’ve paired her with, they had to put her with the obnoxious, trust fund baby. “because it’s our job?” she snarks.

the other girl sends juliana what she probably thinks is a murderous glare, but her bright blue eyes and disney princess aura make her look as intimidating as baby yoda. “i’ve worked with this organization for years, i don’t do stakeouts, i do real, important, shit.”

juliana doesn’t say anything, she won’t even try to fight this petulant little girl.

“whatever.” carvajal huffs. minutes pass without her externalizing her displeasure of the situation, and juliana dares to think that maybe, just maybe, she won’t have to deal with her attitude for the rest of their shared stakeout when, “i can’t believe mr. g put me with you.”

“what is that supposed to mean?” juliana asks with a raised eyebrow.

“we’re like, the worst possible combination he could’ve come up with.“ the brunette shrugs nonchalantly. juliana just stares at her. “you’re like, this angsty loner type, and i’m… i don’t know, the kind of agent that has a sense of humor and isn’t brooding 24/7”, she explains.

juliana can’t help but snort, that’s rich coming from her. she’s never worked side by side with the other agent before, -they’ve actually only ever conversed twice, once when she first joined the organization, and right now-, but it is common knowledge that carvajal has this sort of hero complex, people say she’s always hell bent on saving the day. “aren’t you the one that’s always putting herself at risk just to be the hero or whatever?” she sneers. “i would appreciate it if you dropped your preconceived incorrect ideas about me. you don’t know me.” juliana frowns.

“and i don’t want to” carvajal shakes her head, turning to look at their mark.

“well, i don’t either.”

“fine.”

“fine.”

they both stare out the window, silently waiting for the man on the other side of the street to get into his vehicle. once he does, carvajal turns on the engine and drives off without saying a word.

juliana sighs in the passenger’s seat, she doesn’t understand why the other girl hates her so much.

after following their mark for hours and trying to gather as much information about him as possible, they decide to approach him on his last stop of the day, a stupidly exclusive casino on the most expensive side of town.

they get out of the car and juliana thanks whatever entity is looking out for them because they let them in, no questions asked.

“okay so, i’m going to go explore the place,” juliana says, already seeing lots of people she thinks might be useful to their mission. “you should go with aguayo, maybe you can get some info directly from him.”

carvajal gives her a weird look “why me?”

“because i’m too much of a broody loner, no?” juliana reminds her “and you’re a lot easier on the eyes” she adds after a beat.

“did you just call me pretty?” the brunette smirks.

juliana blushes an embarrassing shade of pink, “shut up, just go.” she throws over her shoulder as she makes what she hopes is a smooth exit.

an hour and a half after their separation, juliana has already scooped out the area in search for any suspicious activity (and downed three shots of tequila). she’s sitting at the bar, half-heartedly conversing with the friendly bartender while waiting for her partner to finish whatever she’s doing to subtly interrogate their mark.

“hello, gorgeous, you havin’ fun?” she hears a voice say to her. when she turns, she finds a disheveled man eyeing her lustfully.

juliana’s stomach churns, the way he’s staring at her is painfully reminiscent of the many times man just like this one would look and treat her and her mom like they only existed for their twisted enjoyment when she was young.

she’s since stopped being afraid, she is the company’s best asset, but for some reason, she finds herself paralyzed while the unknown man reaches to grab at her.

juliana’s alcohol dazed brain is just catching up, coming up with a half-baked plan to simply kick this man’s balls off when a sickenly sweet voice captures their attention. “hey, sir, i think you should go find someone more age appropriate.” her partner smiles at her over the man’s shoulder and juliana has never been more relieved to see that annoying little dimple on the brunette’s cheek. “besides, this one’s spoken for.” carvajal adds cheekily.

juliana feels the blood rush to her cheeks and curses herself for falling victim to the brunette’s charm.

the man smirks as he looks between them, surely imagining a whole lot of disgusting things that make juliana want to go back to her plan of just ending his bloodline. “can i join?” he leers at them.

her partner scowls at him and takes juliana’s hand, swiftly removing them from the situation before it escalates.

“can’t leave you alone for a second, can i, agent valdés?” ugh, of course she has to ruin it just when juliana’s starting to like her.

“whatever.” juliana crosses her arms over her chest. “did you get anything out of him?” she inquires, hoping that the other woman’s charm had worked with aguayo just as much as it seemed to work with her.

carvajal nods happily, “yeah, dude’s a total lightweight!” she laughs, “a couple of shots of mezcal and he was ready to spill all his secrets to me.” juliana snorts, she guesses that carvajal must’ve had her fair share of drinking too, since she’s being so buddy-buddy with her. “i thought narco leaders were… different.” the brunette says pensively. 

the woman’s attitude is giving juliana whiplash, before she’d treated her like shit, and now she’d being almost nice. “um, right. did you get any relevant stuff for our investigation?” juliana doesn’t want to be here any longer than necessary.

“yeah, i recorded our entire chat. there’s some juicy shit there.” carvajal shows juliana her phone, a forty-minute audio recording sits on her recently saved files.

“good job.” she awkwardly pats her partner on the back. 

carvajal scoffs. “it was better than good and you know it.” she leans down so her and juliana’s faces are dangerously close, “c’mon, v, tell me i was amazing.” she pouts.

damn her and her stupid wide blue eyes and her perfectly shaped lips and- woah, juliana is more than a little buzzed too. “no, ya vámonos, carvajal. we gotta attend the briefing tom-” she starts to ramble when surprisingly strong arms wrap around her waist and soft lips crash into hers.

juliana has kissed people before, of course she has, she’s kissed her fair share of girls, even a few boys during games like spin the bottle or truth or dare when she was in middle school, but no one has ever made her stomach flip like this infuriating woman right here. the way carvajal gently sucks on juliana’s bottom lip makes her brain malfunction. 

they kiss for what seems like an eternity, only separating when their lungs demand air.

juliana blinks dazedly at carvajal when she calms herself down enough to hold the other woman’s gaze without jumping her. “what was that?” she asks.

“the creepy dude from before was pissing me off, looked at you like you were a piece of meat” carvajal explains without letting go of juliana “also, you were talking too much” she winks.

juliana process the information for a second. “so…” she trails off “… are we done here?” she asks as casually as she can. the kiss left her a little shaken, she can’t wait until she gets home for a nice hot bath -or a cold shower.

“yeah, just let me go grab a bottle of water. i need to sober up a little in case we bump into el alcoholímetro.” the brunette finally lets go of juliana.

juliana nods dumbly before going after her, she really needs to sober up too. 

“thank you for the ride.” juliana says quietly. carvajal had taken her home instead of just dropping her off at the subway station like she had suggested, claiming that she would never let someone take the subway at that hour, even if they annoyed her as much as juliana. (hero complex)

carvajal gives her a dorky thumbs up as she gets out of the car. “night, valdés, don’t let the bed bugs bite!” juliana can’t help but smile back. 

this day was so weird; first, being paired with carvajal had been unexpected, second, the other agent had been hostile towards her for no apparent reason, then treated her obnoxiously nicely, and third, she actually kind of liked carvajal, a little bit.

“do you want to… stay the night?” she asks with an amount of courage she didn’t know she was capable of mustering.

carvajal smirks, “are you propositioning me?”

“it’s late, you shouldn’t be out” juliana explains. “and i have a spare room.”

the brunette seems to think it through and juliana scolds herself for offering, you idiot this is none of you business. “sure, yeah.” oh.

“cool. c’mon i- i’ll show you” juliana stutters a half assed explanation of her home’s layout to her partner while said partner just looks at her amusedly.

“relax, valdés” carvajal chuckles. “i’m not going to bite you …unless you want to.”

juliana scoffs, why is she suddenly flirting with her? “didn’t you hate me this morning?”

“i don’t hate anyone, though i did dislike you a little, but i’ve always been a sucker for pretty girls.” she steps into juliana’s personal space.

“i-”

carvajal cuts her off “shut up, valdés, you know exactly why you invited me over.” 

then, she joins their lips together, sucking on juliana’s bottom lip like she had an hour ago, and it is just as glorious. 

[haberdashing]

No Puppet Strings Can Hold Me Down (9/?)

The Magnus Archives fanfic. An AU that diverges from canon between episodes 159 and 160, in which Peter Lukas’ statement that “he got you” takes on a different meaning.

on AO3

Breakfast... dinner... brinner was quiet and uneventful, after that. It would be easy to assume that it was meant to be a comfortable silence, that they had said all the things that really mattered back in the Lonely, but was that really true, or was there more to it than that? Jon thought it was the latter. Or perhaps Jon simply hoped it was the latter, hoped that this silence might be a sign that Martin knew more than he was sharing and didn’t much care to make small talk with Jonah Magnus regardless of whose body he was wearing. It was hard to tell for sure.

After they both were done, though, the silence got heavier. There was no clear activity for them to do next, after all. There was only them, them and an unkempt but cozy safehouse and time that needed to be spent within it or around it until they needed food or sleep once more.

Jon had dreamed of a life filled with nothing but leisure time like that, once.

Jon had dreamed of an awful lot of things that seemed to be coming true now in the worst way possible, like his subconscious had gotten hold of a monkey’s paw and milked it for all it was worth.

Martin was the one to finally break the silence between them. “Are you good now?”

Jon felt his face wrinkle and contort in a semblance of confusion. “That’s an awfully broad question. What do you mean?”

Martin hesitated, blinking a few times before responding. “I just meant, er...” His voice trailed off a bit as he looked pointedly at one of the stray piles of newly-brought belongings strewn across the place, though what made that particular pile special Jon couldn’t tell at a glance. “You’re not still hungry?”

“Martin, we just ate.”

“Not- not that kind of hungry.” Another semi-furtive glance directed towards the same pile of unorganized necessities. “Just, you know, I brought them along for you and all, but I don’t know how often you, well, need one-”

Jon put together the pieces a moment before Martin made his meaning even more plain, though Jonah just raised his eyebrow in response.

“The, the statements. Do you need to go read a statement, Jon?”

Even though he knew he had no control over the actual response to Martin’s question, Jon thought about what his response would be just the same. He’d started to practically take the statement reading for granted, these past few months, which probably wasn’t a great sign in hindsight; honestly, he’d grown better at tending to that need than making sure he ate actual food, if only because he’d learned the hard way what happened when that sort of hunger went unchecked. Now that he thought about it, though, he felt fine, at least physically. No hunger, no weakness, none of the symptoms he’d once mistaken for an illness before he’d known better.

Had it just not been long enough since the last statement for it to set in, or was his current situation enough to override that need, at least for the time being?

Jon’s train of thought was unexpectedly derailed by the sound of his own voice speaking up.

“I suppose it wouldn’t hurt.”

“Alright, well, they’re all ready for you. Got a bunch over there-” Martin waved a hand in the direction of the pile he’d been staring at before. “-though I didn’t look too close at what I was grabbing, they might be ones you’ve read already, or, or even fake ones, I don’t know-”

“I’m sure it will be just fine. Thank you, Martin.” Jon felt his lips curl into a smile he didn’t really feel.

“Don’t mention it. Just, er, while you’re busy with that...” Martin scratched the back of his neck nervously. “Mind if I take a nap?”

A brief moment of hesitation, in which Martin’s face grew more and more pink by the second.

“Not that I don’t like hearing you monologue, but I figure hey, if the bed’s not being used...”

“Oh, of course. Go right ahead.”

“Thanks.”

Martin went off to curl up in the bed, and Jon hoped that he slept well, that maybe they could keep making arrangements like this so Martin could at least spend some time sleeping somewhere more comfortable and height-appropriate than the sofa.

Jon couldn’t tell if Jonah was looking for something specific in the statements, but he did glance at a couple before deciding on one and pulling it out from the stack, giving Jon a bit of a paper cut in the process, though he knew from experience the sting wouldn’t last and the cut would likely be gone in minutes if not seconds. A small blessing, there, one minor upside of an otherwise horrible situation. Lose your humanity, heal faster from paper cuts. Not Jon’s idea of an ideal trade-off.

“Statement of Isaac Kaufmann, regarding the aftermath of an attempted mugging. Original statement given August 13th, 2009. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, the Archivist. Statement begins...”

It was a bizarre feeling for Jon, reading out loud a statement without being drawn into it, going through the motions without any of the emotions he usually associated with the act. He felt bad for the guy, sure, but that was just basic human sympathy (or basic inhuman sympathy perhaps), not literally feeling everything this Mr. Kaufmann felt upon almost being mugged and surviving only by way of encountering something stranger and no less dangerous than the man who had tried to mug him initially. Jon had wondered from time to time how odd his reading statements must look from an outside perspective; now, it seemed, he was as close to getting an answer to that question as he was likely ever to get.

The words pouring out of his mouth sounded like a passable imitation of his usual statement voice, at least, and if Jonah faltered once or twice, well, Martin wasn’t exactly hanging on his every word, napping as he was in the cabin’s lone bed...

Though that gave Jon an idea.

Jon couldn’t do much now, but he could still Know things--he’d learned that already, had done it without even trying to back in the car.

When he’d tried too hard to Know what Peter Lukas was planning some time ago, he’d made himself sick, even blacked out for a moment afterwards before getting what had to be the supernatural equivalent of the world’s worst hangover.

What would happen, then, if he tried to Know what Jonah Magnus was planning now?

At best, he’d get some answers, know exactly what was in store for him, though Jon wasn’t holding his breath on getting the best possible outcome here; life never seemed to be that generous towards him.

Maybe it’d do to his body what it’d done before, disorientate him, weaken him, and weakening him meant weakening Jonah Magnus now, so that was a price Jon was very much willing to pay.

At worst... well. Not much could be worse than the present scenario. Worst case would likely be his attempt at Knowing failing utterly, and Jon still would know nothing and Jonah Magnus would still be running around unhindered in his body, and it still wouldn’t actually be any worse than if he hadn’t tried at all.

Jon didn’t hesitate.

What is Jonah Magnus’ plan?

The information poured into Jon’s mind all at once.

Ignaz Semmelweis, the first doctor to successfully prevent most postpartum infections by encouraging doctors to wash their hands, was roundly ignored by his contemporaries and died in obscurity. The tallest body Jonah Magnus has ever inhabited, one by the name of Mark Matthews, stood at six feet, three inches tall. The Admiral has a half-sister that lives nine blocks away from Georgie’s flat. Hydrophobia is a historic name for the disease of rabies due to late-stage symptoms in which the infected person cannot swallow liquids, cannot quench their thirst, and shows fear or panic when presented with liquids to drink. Liz Culvert, who dated Elias Bouchard when both were attending uni, wrote a short poem about Elias’ eyes while they were dating.  The rhyme “Red touch yellow, kills a fellow; red touch black, friend of Jack” does successfully distinguish between venomous coral snakes and nonvenomous scarlet king snakes, but is only entirely accurate when applied to snake species native to the southeastern United States...

The information keeps coming rapid-fire, the details of each seemingly-random factoid soon blurring together in Jon’s mind, his senses overpowered by the sheer weight of Knowledge within his head. The world faded away, replaced by static and words, and still the information kept coming and there was nothing he could do about it-

The next thing Jon knew (lower-case), he was sprawled out on the floor, head pounding, back smarting, every part of him hurting like hell--still unable to move a muscle of his own accord, though he did give it a try just in case--and the only good thing Jon could think of was that Jonah Magnus must be feeling this pain as acutely as he was.

If he had actually learned anything about Jonah Magnus’ current plans it was lost to him now, a drop within a sea of more or less useless information, a needle buried deep within a haystack.

Did Jonah Magnus feel as disoriented as Jon did? The only way to know for sure was to engage him in conversation, Jon supposed, but... he’d rather pass on that, thanks, especially since that’d probably manage to make his headache even worse somehow.

His hands were shaking as he sat up, though, and as Jon wasn’t the one controlling them, wasn’t the one in charge of their shaking or lack thereof, he figured that meant his little stunt must have had some effect on his mental captor.

“Jon?”

Jon looked over as Martin rushed over to his side. Jon had assumed that Martin wouldn’t have noticed any results of what he’d done, that he’d be too lost in sleep to wake up for something so relatively minor, but evidently that assumption had been a faulty one.

“Jon, what happened? Are you alright?”

Jon tried not to read too much into the questions Martin asked, tried not to search them for even the slightest signs of understanding, but to no avail. He’d thought that he’d given up on false, useless hope already, and yet...

“I’m fine, don’t worry. Just a... a bit of a dizzy spell, I suppose.”

“Do you know what brought it on? You didn’t hit your head on the way down, did you?”

“I don’t believe so, no. And... hard to say. I didn’t wake you, did I?”

As Martin looked down at Jon, a hint of a smile crept onto his face. “No, no, I couldn’t sleep anyway. Wasn’t your doing. Now, d’you need a hand up?”

“Er...”

“Sounds like a yes to me.”

Martin extended his hand, and Jonah took it for him, and Martin was still cold to the touch but his manner was still warm as anything, and it didn’t matter what temperature his hand was, just that it was big and soft and embracing Jon’s own hand in turn, supporting him both physically and metaphorically a-

Don’t try to pull that little stunt again.

And Jon’s train of thought was disrupted in the most awkward of fashions by Jonah Magnus’ butting in just before Martin released his grip as Jon stood upright once more.

His arms were still shaking, though, and Jon doubted that Jonah was putting that on for show, not when his head still ached from too much knowledge filling it all at once.

So he could do something, then. He could do at least one thing that would affect the world around him, not just the worlds within his own mind. Granted, that thing was basically eldritch self-sabotage, but it was something at least. That had to be a good sign. That had to be better than nothing.

And if Jonah Magnus was warning him against it, that meant that Jon now had some form of leverage against him, something he could threaten Jonah with that was clearer and more tangible than any of Jonah’s own vague yet ominous threats.

Jonah said something to Martin, but Jon didn’t hear it, busy as he was laughing to himself, hoping that his laughter would be loud enough for Jonah Magnus to hear.

[forlornmelody]

Traitor, Martyr, Spy Chapter 6: Behind The Glass

Rating: Explicit (some chapters have smut)

Ship: Miranda Lawson x Femshep

AO3 Link: Here

Summary: Miranda uncovers Sanctuary's dark secret.

-*-

It does take some time to get the Alliance resources--funding, shuttles, soldiers, even. The war must be slowing everything down. Hold on, Ori. We’re coming for you.

Miranda has them repaint the shuttle’s Alliance blue to something less conspicuous. She flies to the Citadel, trading their uniforms with actual refugees--they’re going for authenticity, right down to the smell of unwashed laundry. The soldiers chatter and they hoot, and they holler, and the slouch and belch, and laugh so loudly it makes Miranda’s ears burn. Just because they’re on a non-Alliance mission, they think they can do whatever they want. 

Standing in the middle of the shuttle, Miranda clears her throat, she feels six sets of eyes focus on her. “This is a covert mission. We are to infiltrate the facility quietly. No weapons, not even concealed ones. No violence. Recon and report.”

A soldier clears his throat. “No disrespect ma’am, but we get it.”

Miranda’s about to correct him when he interrupts “You know we’re N’s right? Special forces?”

Of course, Miranda knows about the Interplanetary Combatives Training, the Villa, and all their graduates. She worked with several Ns who had left the Alliance for Cerberus. Bloody hell, Shepard. She had been expecting Artemis to send what she could spare, not her best. How in the world did Shepard manage to weasel these handful from the front lines? Away from Hackett? “Noted,” is all she says, proceeding with the mission briefing, in less detail. 

Half the squad will pose as her family unit. The rest will stay behind with the shuttle to cover them when they evacuate. Miranda hopes it will be enough. They are the best. You are the best. It has to be enough. 

The facility dominates the countryside--as large as Henry Lawson’s ego. Sleek lines, polished pavement, and manicured gardens--a far cry from the refugees camped in the Citadel’s docking areas. How anyone could mistake this luxurious facade for a refugee center--Miranda has no idea. 

Sanctuary’s exterior even has pointless water features--wait. 

Miranda feels the warm sea breeze on her face. She hears the jets and the seabirds of Sydney Harbor in her ears. Her father’s perfectly well-kept lawn beneath her feet. 

Damn you to hell, Henry Lawson. 

Nothing good sits beneath those pools of water--Miranda knows that for a fact. She adjusts her wig and joins the line. Lieutenant Davis squeezes her hand reassuringly. No trouble yet. The families in front of them look exhausted, but relieved. They chat about biotiball and the latest Blasto movie, as if the war isn’t even happening. Only when they mention where they’re from, do the nods and sympathetic hums confirm that the Reapers have arrived. Mostly, they focus on their future-speculating about the size of their beds and their rooms, or when they’ll get to talk to their families outside the facility. It takes every bit of willpower Miranda has not to say anything. 

Soon. 

Sanctuary asks for her name, planet of origin, age, weight, and medical information like her doctor’s contact information and any medications Miranda “Ruby” is taking. Strangely, it never asks for her identification number, or about any criminal records. The intake clerks take her body temperature, and saliva, but not her fingerprints. Not once do they ask about family members or emergency contacts. Miranda squeezes Davis’s hand when they hand him a saliva test. They won’t be in Sanctuary long enough to get caught. If all goes according to plan, Sanctuary will be evacuated by then. 

One by one, the individuals hand off their possessions, short of stripping out of their clothes. Miranda and Davis look at one another, handing off their bags. The clerk nods at “Ruby’s” coat. Shaking her head, Miranda murmurs, “It’s for my health.”

“You’ll need to take it off inside, ma’am.”

The woman next to him jabs him with her elbow. “Leave her alone, Charley”

“Fine. But we have rules for a reason.”

“She’s harmless just like the rest of them. Stop being so jumpy.”

“But--”

“You’re fine, ma’am. Just head on down the stairs for processing.”

The line dissolves into a small crowd as they descend further into the facility. At the bottom of the staircase lies a set of double doors. Something about how quiet it is beyond those doors makes the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. Miranda squeezes Davis’s hand twice, and she makes eye contact with Sergeant Jones behind them and winks once. Caution. Trouble ahead. 

As the first set of doors close behind them, Miranda realizes why she hasn’t heard a sound. It’s the hum of machines. But the doors aren’t airtight. First, she smells faint anti-septic. Then miasma fills her nostrils.

No no no. 

What use would her father have for dead refugees? This is wrong. All wrong. 

Another round of antiseptic washes over her face just before the inner doors open. Miranda lingers at the back. Cover me, she whispers into Davis’s ear. He immediately pushes his way to the front of the crowd.

“Hey! What’s taking so long?”

With their eyes trained on her fake husband, Miranda hacks into the nearest console, whispering. “This is Miranda Lawson, if you’ve managed to get this far, you must be desperate or stupid--”

Cold steel at the back of her head cuts her off. Miranda hears a click of a safety before the guard opens his mouth. “No outside communication, lady.”

Miranda holds up her hands. “Sorry. I just wanted to get a message to my parents. They’re awfully worried.”

“Do you seriously want to draw the Reapers here? Get back in line.”

“I’m going.” Miranda stuffs her hands in her pockets, readying her biotics. The guard turns her around, keeping the gun trained on her while the rest of the crowd watches.

“Move! We’ve got more people waiting to get in. Do not keep them waiting.”

If Miranda moves, the refugees will die. If she does nothing, they’ll likely die anyway. She should have brought more soldiers. She should have come sooner. 

As she passes through the second set of doors, just in time to see the stasis pods open and waiting--the guard sucks in a breath, and Miranda feels the hum of someone else’s biotics. 

“Shit! We’ve got a live one!”

Miranda whips off her wig, and the robes hiding her familiar catsuit. She throws the guard against the wall, before the ground shakes out from under all of them. 

-*-

She crawls through a maze of glass, gunfire, screams, smoke, and blood. “Davis, do you read?” She calls into her com. No response. Jones responds with a pained cry before her com cuts out. 

At first Miranda wonders if Shepard has followed her here. Surely Artemis wouldn’t needlessly endanger all these innocent people? Then Miranda hears the wail of a harvester, and the crash of a shuttle. 

Reapers. 

For most of the war, the Reapers and Cerberus have left each other alone. Landing in the same war zones, sure, but fighting the residents instead of each other. Miranda feels awful about leaving the families behind, but she has her own family to search for. And what help would Miranda be as a lone woman in a sea of brainwashed troops and indoctrinated husks? She hopes desperately that she isn’t too late to save her sister. 

A warp here, a gunshot there, ducking and covering when a cannibal feasts on a dead marauder only a couple meters from Miranda’s feet. At least she has an easier time sneaking past the guards. Not that hard to do when most of them lay dead. Reaching another console, Miranda hacks into the system and copies schematics to her omni-tool. Maybe if she shuts down power to the central processing plant, Miranda can cut off the reapers from any arriving refugees. Maybe she can trap them inside the first few rooms and corridors, in case any non-Cerberus employees survive. Perhaps it’s cruel to think this way, but Miranda doesn’t care what happens to those working for her father. No matter how kind, they’ll end up bought out, blackmailed, or brainwashed like Niket. Miranda won’t make that mistake again. 

There. The doors are shut. Nothing can get in or out without a lot of trouble. Miranda leaves another audio log behind. She doesn’t want to consider failure, but if Artemis does follow her here, and the worst should happen, maybe Miranda can do her one last favor. Maybe Artemis can save Oriana if she can’t. 

The control tower lies on the opposite side of the facility. Miranda might as well explore the laboratories on the way. She’s about to enter the first one when she hears Oriana’s voice. 

“This is Oriana Lawson. Stay away from Sanctuary. It’s not what it seems.” 

Tears spring into Miranda’s eyes and her throat swells. Ori’s alive. Well. At least she was when she recorded that message. For the first time since she landed, Miranda dares to hope that her father’s pride will override his ambition. 

“Please. You must listen to me. They’re using--” And then her sister’s voice cuts off. 

A tsunami of images rush Miranda’s brain. Ori lying on the floor with her head cracked open. Husk cybernetics creeping over her skin as the indoctrination takes over. A gun aimed at her head.

Hold on, Ori. Stay alive for me. Please. 

As Miranda pushes through the facility, taking out reapers and Cerberus drones alike, she’s distantly aware of something dripping down her face. Stopping just before a sealed door, Miranda wipes it with her fingers, and smears it on the wall. Red. She’s bleeding. She’s been bleeding.

She doesn’t feel the pain. How many stims has she taken? Not enough if Oriana doesn’t make it out of here. Miranda dabs the wound with her sleeve and uses her omni-tool to hack the door. 

A solitary guard pushes back his chair as the door opens. “Huh? Who’s--”

His chair rocks back, and blood streams from the wound on his head. 

“Just me.” Miranda walks past the body, only to see a biometric scanner. “Bloody hell,” she murmurs, wheeling the body back to the desk, puppeteering his fingers to shut the system down. 

That’s the lovely thing of stims. No appetite, little food consumed, nothing to come up but the bile in her mouth. Ori, Ori Ori, she chants in her mind until her stomach settles. Miranda also records another message. Will Artemis notice the body sitting next to her? The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, does it Miranda? 

Alright. Maybe she’s had one too many stims. 

With the Reapers shut out and the Cerberus troops shut in, Miranda has time to rewind some of the feeds. She confirms what she already fears, and worse.

Henry Lawson has been experimenting on the refugees. He’s been turning them into husks. Why? Because the Illusive Man wants to harness indoctrination. Bastard.

This time Miranda can’t keep the bile down. She wipes her mouth, collapsing to the floor, rattling like a frightened animal. Miranda was stupid to come alone. Artemis should have come with her. She should have told her. 

I’m going to die here. Alone. Ori will never see my face again. I can’t beat my father. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. 

She can’t even breathe. Her breaths fall short, spasming within her chest. Miranda digs her fingers past her temples, twisting into her hair. 

All those years running from her father. All those machinations to keep Ori out of his reach. All for naught. 

An explosion outside the room shakes Miranda from her panic. She must keep moving. On her way out, she grabs the half-eaten protein bar sitting on the desk. The security guard won’t need it. 

Maybe if she gets word out, the Alliance will send help. Maybe the refugees will find somewhere else to stay. Anywhere has to be better than Sanctuary. 

Thinking about her father makes her heart pound, so Miranda focuses on putting one foot in front of the other. Her path gets harder as she goes--the Reapers and the Cerberus forces having taken each other out--leaving the most difficult enemies--banshees, brutes, nemesis, and phantoms. At one point, Miranda reaches for her the half-eaten protein bar--only to find that it fell out along the way. Her stomach gurgles, and she briefly contemplates fishing the bodies for a snack. No time. 

Hacking and opening the door, Miranda raises her pistol, only to find herself alone. She doesn’t even need to hack into the mainframe--the guard had no time to lock it before a Marauder shot him. The marauder's head sits on the opposite side of the room from the body, sliced clean off. Whichever phantom who did it has long since left. At least Miranda won’t have to worry about it. 

Disabling the communication scrambler, Miranda sifts through the security feeds of her father’s office. For all the effort Henry made to level up his security--the recordings of his phone calls are all too easy to find. Miranda’s eyes narrow, looking for the trap in the code, but she doesn’t find one. In fact, no alarms sound when Miranda uploads the video she’s made to the Extranet. Has something happened to her father? And if this is the control tower, shouldn’t Henry Lawson be here? 

“Miss me?” Kai Leng’s breath falls hot and heavy on her shoulders. He screams as the stasis field around her body detonates, melting his gloves right into his skin. Really, he should be happy his fingers don’t shatter right off. 

Miranda jerks away from him, lashing out with eezo to knock him off his feet. Kai Leng flips and lands like a cat, rushing toward her blade out and ready. Holding out her hand, Miranda waits as time slows to a crawl. Her heart beats.

One.

Two.

Three. 

Just as Kai Leng gets within striking distance, his body freezes. Stasis. 

Miranda gathers the collar of his ridiculous uniform in her fist. Maybe she should gloat. Perhaps Miranda should rip that bloody smirk right off his face. Kai Leng deserves worse. But Miranda doesn’t have time. She’s opening her omni tool, readying an overload sequence the moment the stasis field wears off. The door whooshes open. 

“Let him go, Miranda.” Her father’s voice settles over her shoulders like frost. 

She’s not going to face him. Not now. Not ever. “I’m done listening to you.”

Someone whimpers from behind her. 

“Maybe you won’t listen to me. But surely you’ll listen to your sister.” 

Miranda whips around to see Henry’s left hand slip from Oriana’s mouth, in time to hear her scream. His left hand is wrapped around her neck, and he moves his right behind her head, ready to choke. Her father’s gun sits at a holster on his hips. 

“Miranda! Don’t worry about me. Save yourself.” Tears streak stream down Oriana’s cheeks. 

Opening her mouth to answer, Miranda hears the stasis field dissolve with a pop! Shit. Kai Leng’s blade immediately moves to her throat. “I’ve been looking forward to this.”

“So have I.” Miranda overloads him, knocking him back with her biotics as he screams. Oriana reaches for her father’s hip. Smart woman--takes after her sister, that one. Before Henry can respond, Miranda tosses a warp at him. Serves him right. 

Miranda feels the tingle of eezo before she’s knocked into one of the consoles. The sound of her rib cracking echoes across the room. “Forget me already?” 

Gunshot. 

No. Miranda jerks her head up and breathes a sigh of relief. Ori still has the gun. But their father is still standing. Damnit. Raising her arms, Miranda moves to warp her father, but nothing rises to her fingertips. When did she last eat something? The ground rushes toward her face. I’m sorry, Ori. 

Instead of the whoosh of a sharpened blade, Miranda hears the beep a computer. Everything, including her father’s voice, sounds like its coming through a can. 

“What are you waiting for? Finish her!”

“She’s not my target.” Kai Leng answers, without really answering. Miranda should stop him, but she should save her energy--what little’s left. There’s another fizz, pop! And the smell of burnt rubber, along with the hiss of a smoke bomb filling the air. 

“Get back here!” Henry shouts, to no avail. 

“He’s gone. And you’re dead.”

Then the door slides open. Oh yes, Miranda’s certainly delirious. No way Artemis Shepard would turn up here. She has a galaxy to save. In the midst of a war, Artemis doesn’t have time for Miranda’s family drama. 

“Commander Shepard.” Henry Lawson calls out. Oriana yelps in surprise as he grabs her. “Excellent timing.”

No. Miranda’s not delirious. She’s having a nightmare--only this time it’s real. Get out of here. I can’t die here knowing he took you too. 

Artemis snarls. “Put the gun down.” She hasn’t looked this pissed since she woke up in the Lazarus facility. Must’ve seen the messages Miranda recorded. Always doing her due diligence--it’s part of what Miranda loves about her. 

“No,” her father glares back, elbow tight around Ori’s neck. He clicks the safety off. They shout back and forth, but Miranda’s head swims as she tries to stand. “That’s close enough! Both of you!”

Maybe she’s not that hungry. Maybe her biotics just needed a cooldown. Her ribs flare white hot when Miranda tries to straighten up. 

“Kai Leng didn’t finish the job, but I will.” 

“It’s over, Henry. You’re finished.” 

“On the contrary. Now that the reapers are taken care of, we have a way out.”

Not again. Never again. “Shepard,” Miranda croaks in protest. “Don’t let him take her.” 

When pressed, Henry claims to be a bloody messiah, saving countless lives. Artemis blazing eyes meets Miranda’s gaze, and nods. “Try to leave with her, and I’ll blast your head open. Let her go, and maybe you walk.”

“I’ve done nothing to you,” Henry snaps. Gaslighting bastard, as always. 

Artemis’s expression remains etched in steel. “Let her go and walk away. I won’t say it again.” 

Her father takes eons to make his decision. “Alright.” He shoves Ori to the floor. The window behind him laces with cracks. “Take her.” It won’t take much.  “But I want out alive. Deal?”

Don’t. “Deal.” Artemis lowers her gun. 

Miranda’s fists shake with fury. Her arm moves before she thinks, and she blasts him with every bit of energy she has left. The glass shatters behind Henry Lawson as he screams. Her voice moves hollowly past her lips. “No deal.”

Oriana’s sharp gasp brings Miranda back to the present. Before she’s even turned around, her sister’s arms wrap around her, pulling her close. Miranda steps back, looking her over. “Did he hurt you? Are you alright?” Ori doesn’t answer, but Miranda feels her tears pooling into her shoulder. “It’s okay, Ori. You’re safe now.”

“I’m fine.” Ori wipes her eyes as she pulls away. “I just want to get out of here.” She won’t meet her eyes. I’m sorry, Ori. I truly am. 

“We will. Just give me a minute, okay?” 

It’s not professional, not in the slightest, to pull Shepard into that kiss, but Miranda’s past caring. Her mouth tastes like blood and smoke, and right now it’s the sweetest thing Miranda’s ever tasted. They’re alive. They’re all alive. 

Artemis kisses back at first, equally elated and desperate for her touch. Soon enough the high of it passes, and she wretches herself away. “Holy hell, Miranda. Why didn’t you tell me about all this?”

“You had enough on your plate.” Miranda wipes her mouth, leaning heavily against the console. Strange, how the excuse fails to hold up when she says it out loud. 

“Hundreds, if not thousands of refugees dead, and I’m too busy? Fucking hell.” 

Ashley Williams, who must’ve slipped in behind her commander, shifts awkwardly on her feet, her assault rifle still in her hands. She glances at Artemis’s former guard from her house arrest. Lieutenant James Vega, who served on Fehl Prime, arrested for a bar fight on Omega, and now part of Commander Shepard’s select Normandy crew. Vega shrugs, and they lead Oriana out of the room, presumably to the nearest outside exit. 

“I didn’t know the extent of it until I got here.” Saliva swells in her throat. “And by then I couldn’t contact you.”

“Communications scrambler.” Artemis takes a steadying breath, but she’s still tense from the fight. “Did you get it?” She stares at the wall behind her, measuring her breathes. Miranda can see each count with the nod of her head. 

Miranda nods. “And then some.” She steps forward, watching Artemis track her movements. Holding out her hand, Miranda reveals the tracker she placed on Kai Leng. “Should lead you right to the Illusive Man.”

Reaching out to take it, Artemis stops, pinching her eyes shut. “I’m glad you’re okay, Miranda.”

“It was nothing I couldn’t handle.” Miranda says quickly, opening Artemis’s fingers so she can place the small device in her hand. 

“But I wish you wouldn’t insist on handling it alone.” Artemis holds Miranda’s hand between hers, and for the first time, Miranda notices the fear behind her eyes. 

“Nobody’s perfect.”

[all-at-once-you-are-the-one]

Stream of Consciousness Lover Album Reaction

I wrote out my first thoughts while listening to the album and put them in one big post. I hope you find them as funny as I do lmao

1. I Forget That You Existed

LOL so that’s what the drake Easter egg was about!

Who is this about????

NIIIIiiiiiiiiiIIIiiiiCE

SHE SOUNDS SO GOOD

I JUST FORGOT WHAT THEY WERE LMAOOO

HER LAUGH!! SO CUTE!!

This track is somehow savage and adorable at the same time

So......yeah.......

ShnfhKJHGKSHDKGHSKGHSJG

2. Cruel Summer

This is giving me Katy perry vibes

The devils roll their dice line is from this?? Didn’t expect that

This is maybe the catchiest song I’ve ever heard

Why is this not a single??????

STILL DONT KNOW WHAT SUMMERS A KNIFE MEANS

EXPLAIN TAYLOR

This also kind of gives me Jonas brothers vibes, why???

Again.....what is this about???

OooOOoooOooWhoooooAAAAhh i loveeee this

OOOH no you know what this gives me GETAWAY CAR vibes

Wait...do we think that at the beginning joe wanted to keep their relationship private and Taylor agreed but then changed her mind? WAIT NO.....is this about her having to keep her love for joe secret at first the summer they met because she was with someone else/it was too soon??

3. Lover

Ok SUPER WEIRD transition into lover but OK

As much as I love albums with a clear narrative like rep I also like being all over the place so this is fine

CAN I GO WHERE YOU GOOOOOO

FOR EVER AND EVER ANDIIIII

YOURE MY MY MY MYYYYY LOVER

I wonder what inspired her to use the term lover? Does she not know that normal people don’t speak like that?

WAIT IS THE REASON LOVER COMES AFTER CRUEL SUMMER because of the 3 summers line?? Like look how we started...now were here

Does the album begin with i forgot you existed because its like ok this Kanye situation happened...but now were gonna forget about that and talk about the realer real story of the past couple years of my life rather than seeing it through the lens of that story like on rep

4. The Man

THE ACCURACY

THE ACCURAACCCCYYYYYYYYY

IT HUUURRTTSSS

Honestly though i actually thought this one would be more savage, i thi

DID SHE JUST SAY BITCHES AND MODELSSSS?????

SLJGSHUKGHKDG

Never mind this is as savage as i wanted

I should know better than to judge a Taylor song before the bridge

Again why isn’t this a single.....it better be

5. The Archer

The emotional whiplash this album is giving me is insane.

It’s like RED but with synths

Is the archer placed here because part of her lack of self confidence comes from the things the media says about her (because she’s a woman not a man?) INTERESTING THOUGHT

Don’t have much else to say about this, we already know

.....

Wow the cake i bought for tonight is somehow way too sweet

6. I Think He Knows

Definitely didn’t think i think he knows was about being horny af

But this is so catchy

Why is everything so catchy?? Literally every song should be a single

BOY I UNDERSTAND the confidence!! After the archer!! I love that he makes her feel that way1!!

I THINK HE KNOOOOOOOWWWWSS

This gives me teenage dream vibes and i fucking love that song

7. Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince

Ok time for the one with the weird title

I love how she keeps comparing her current feelings to how she felt as a teenager!! How its the same and different....very good.

SHES A BAD BAD GIRL

More dice!

Is she imagining what it would be like if she was in this relationship in high school? Because I DO THAT ALL THE TIIIIME GIRL SAME

THATS MY WHOLE WORLD SOOOO CUUUUTE

YOU PLAY STUPID GAMES YOU WIN STUPID PRIZES

VOTED

MOST

LIKELY

TO

RUN

AWAY

WITH

YOU

I really like this one. I didn’t expect I would.

This should be a single.

8. Paper Rings

THE VOICE EFFECT

She’s singing so fast on these songs!!!! I CANT KEEP UPP

UH HUH

THATS RIGHT

This is so retro and i loooooooooooooooooooooove it

DIRTY DREAMS??????? TAYLOR PLEASE

OMG THE COLOUR WE PAINTED YOUR BROTHERS WALL

THE PICTURE

THE PICTURE

FROM THE REP MAGAZINES

SDIHGUSHGUKHDZRKUGHKUDZHGUHDZGHDKZHGYIDZJLGJLDJGJSDJGDHZGHLGHLSHGHDG

II LIKE SHINY THINGS

THIS SONG IS SO FUN! ALL THESE SONGS ARE SO FUN!!

Ok baby boy that’s kinda weird but you know what..

....

....

Ok its still weird but maybe it will grow on me

This should be a single.

9. Cornelia Street

HERE IT IS!!! THE FIRST TAYLOR PRODUCED SONG

I NEVER WANT CORNELIA STREET AGAIN?? WHAT IS THIS ABOUT?? THEIR WORST FIGHT? ANOTHER RELATIONSIP? QUESTIONS

The storytelling!

Wait......is this about before they ran away together in CIWYW?? Like she thought he didn’t really want her so she was gonna run away alone...but then he was like no i really do lets go

I totally thought that this was the one with the staring out the window like I’m not your favorite town line was from

She ended it with the line she started with (i think)? Ike she used to!

Kinda feel like people hyped this one up too much but i do like it

10. Death by a Thousand Cuts

The piano!!!!

Like a thousand notes a thousand cuts

Look through the windows of this love - like the heart on her eye! I get it I GET IT lmaoooo

If this song was on red it would have the saddest production but on this album its a bop

11. London Boy

IS THAT JOE??? OMG lmao

HER ACCENT LMAOOOOOOOOO

I don’t know if this song is supposed to be as hilarious as i think it is but i really do think its hilarious

What does like a Tennessee Stella McCartney even mean????

I kinda feel like this song is too specific to her life to be relatable so maybe that’s why i feel that way about it?

12. Soon You’ll Get Better

Ok great... so we went from that to the sad one

I have to prepare

I didn’t tell you i was scared....

Cause you have to...

The fact that this is the country song...

I cant

GOD NOW IM CRYING THIS IS SO SAD

That was the only song so far i had to actually stop typing for. God....I’m so sad for her and her family.

13. False God

I can barely take this song in because of what just came before.

But i really like it. And i really like the theme of religion on this album

14. You Need to Calm Down

NOW YNTCD IS PLAYING

??? IM LITERALLY SOO SAD FROM SOON YOULL GET BETTER STILL

I CANT

PROCESS

THIS

This album is literally all over the place, i keep trying to assign a narrative to it and its not working out so I’m just gonna give up

Sometimes albums are just collections of songs and not a coherent, linear story and that is ok! Even if its not what i prefer

It certainly didn’t bother me on her first few albums.

The one thing i take away from this is like...no wonder she’s so determined to be so overly positive, i think for her its that or break down crying in the face of what’s happening in her family

15. Afterglow

I really love this song!!! Hashtag relatable

......

Man..you can really tell even just from my typing that my heart isn’t in this anymore after that song

Like

Fuck

I think I’m just sad for me too, because i know that i will go through that too sooner rather than later and I already have friends dealing with losing a parent.

16. ME!

My only thought on this is god bless brendon Urie for injecting so much additional joy and energy into this song and making Taylor happy, i just get the vibe that she really needed that

ALSO WHAT THERES REALLY NO HEY KIDS SPELLING IS FUN

TAYLOR EXPLAAIAIIIIIIIAIAIIAN

We’ll see if its on my physical cd copies when they arrive...if not then maybe it was always planned to be a line only in the single version

17. It’s Nice to Have a Friend

Ok I don’t really like this song that much but i really like the messages she’s trying to send like...real love feels like hanging out with a childhood bestie, so comfortable

18. Daylight

I WAS LIKE MEH

BUT THE FUCKING BRIDGE

THE BRIDGE

IM EMOTIONALLY DESTROYED

Also something about the chorus reminds me of the chorus of starlight

STEP INTO THE DAYLIGHT AND LET IT GO

YES

I WAS LIKE NO IS THAT NOT A LYRIC??

BUT IT ISTHANK GOD

THE END

YOU ARE WHAT YOU LOVE

THAT WAS LIKE

MY MANTRA FOR A COUPLE YEARS A WHILE BACK

BECAUSE

I LOVED SO MANY PEOPLE BUT THEY DIDNT LOVE ME

AND I WANTED TO BE DEFINITED BY THE FACT THAT I LOVED THEM NOT THAT HTEY DIDNT LOVE ME

IIIIIIIIIIII

I

IN CONCLUSION:

My feelings are everywhere. Some songs disappointed me but some blew me away - soon you’ll get better is basically the new Never Grow Up for me which is saying a lot. Everything is catchy a hell though even the songs I didn’t like as much. Ultimately i would have liked more songs about varying subject matter esp. self love but as it is, it is still somehow so all over the place. It really just shows how many emotions and phases can be contained within one relationship (i mean I’m assuming every song about a relationship is about joe). I really think that the song about her mom maybe should have been placed somewhere else...I don’t know where I would have put it but that shit is HEAVY. I am so honored that she and her family would share that with us though. I have a million question about how Andrea is doing and if my theory on why tour hasn’t been announced is correct...maybe she will explain more in the interviews/secret session audio we’re getting in the next couple days. I think my favorite song is Lover but that may change. I don’t think any song on here tops my current all time favorite Taylor song though which is CIWYW. That’s a little disappointing but not every song or album has to be my fave! And this album will probably grow on me esp as i hear Taylor’s explanations of it. Rep did. I really did nooott feel good about most of rep at first, it took a few days.

[nostalgicfun]

okay so since I’ve been going through my old computer games, I think it’s only fair that I share the story about the time I got electrocuted and have hallucinated about a 1997 computer game ever since 

so when I was a kid I loved computer games. You could convince me to do anything if you told me I would get to play one of my computer games later that evening. Being the 90s, I had a giant, dinosaur of a computer with a cathode ray tube monitor that weighed a metric ton, a wired mouse, a shitty little second hand metal computer desk (that I’m 99% sure my dad just found along the curb) and a metal folding chair to sit on, all crammed in to the little apartment space above our garage. 10/10 gamer setup, would recommend. 

Because I was like 5 and had no concept of “electricity” or “danger,” I decided that despite the fact it was the storm of the century outside--lightning, thunder, 800mph winds--I was going to play my computer games! :-) So my unsupervised little self shambled over to my computer, popped in my “Wild Western Town” computer game, and got right to it. Basically the world is ending from the worst storm mankind has ever seen outside and I was like :-) hey :-) this is the best possible time to play a computer game :-)

It’s crucial to point out that I grew up in a suburban neighborhood where the houses are all super close together, and the little room above our garage was the closest point on our house to our neighbor’s house. ALSO I’d like to reiterate how legit my 100% metal computer setup was. You can guess where this is going. :-) I’m happily playing my Fisher Price game, dead to the world, when 

CRACK

the neighbor’s house gets hit by lightning. 

With me, a child, like 15 feet away

on my entirely wired, metal computer setup. 

And I got zapped. Sweet goodness gracious did I get zapped. 

The lightning completely fried not only my 1990s aluminum setup, but me as well. And when it did, two things happened: First, the screen to my computer went absolutely hog ape buck wild and everything flashed and inverted and like....it was a Good Time. But in its flashing, my game sort of ended up looking like this 

which could be a meme all in itself. But in the process of being electrocuted and my 5 year old brain trying to figure out what was happening, watching the computer go crazy was enough to absolutely blow my mind. THEN, to go with it, I smelled the absolute weirdest smell I have ever smelled, and will ever smell, in my or anyone else’s lifetime. I don’t know if it’s the smell of lightning, or the ozone, or of your brain getting hit by 8000 watts of electricity, but it was the most bizarre smell. Not like smoke or fire or anything burnt, but like a chemical smell. And as I’m registering the smell, the flashing, everything happening at one time, the game throws out one last audio file, which was the game’s little prairie dog “sheriff” shouting out “by jenkins!” before the computer accepted its fate and settled into oblivion. (I’m not even entirely sure this character even says this, or if anything similar is said at all in this game, but I do know that’s why my  5 year old brain heard while being shocked to holy nazareth and back) 

I never told my parents that I got zapped (they were mostly too distracted by the fact our neighbor’s house burnt to the ground), they only knew that the computer got fried. I thought it was fine, that I would be okay, that I just felt funny for a little while and that everything had gone back to normal. 

But no. 

Years later, nearly 20 years later I am still haunted by this highly cursed experience. I will be going through my day to day life and then. it hits me. The smell. I smell that smell and immediately, in the fraction of a second it takes to register it, I know what’s coming. I blast to the past in a literal flash back. No, I’m not “remembering” what happened; I have a literal, immobilizing, hollywood movie-like flash back to that screen. That flashing screen with the prairie dog on it. And then I hear him

by jenkins. 

It’s not always a flash back. Sometimes it seems like he is burned into my retinas and I physically see him in front of me and perfectly hear his voice in my head. I smell the smell. I see That Boy. I can be at work on a sunny day and it happens, or laying in bed in the dead of winter and there he is. Sometimes I dream about him, and in every dream I smell that smell and then he’s there, and 100% of the times I have dreamt about him, he is trying to poison me. so do what you want with that bit of information

So the moral of the story is that if you want your kid to have like....a really shitty super power, you should absolutely put them at a metal desk attached to 800 wires in your attic during a lightning storm and embrace their new super power they will thank you for 20 years down the line.

[wristsweets80-blog]

7 Measures to Deciding on the Correct Mattress Retailer and Buying For a Mattress

Ultimately! You have chosen a mattress retailer, located the mattress you want, and you think you acquired a fabulous price. The mattress arrives at your doorway and to your surprise, it's not even remotely what you ordered. Not only that, but it's got stains all more than it. You call the mattress retailer and they explain to you that your mattress was out of inventory and so they sent you this mattress as a alternative (with out telling you!). Insert curse phrase below ____. What is actually the worst component? Regrettably, you have thrown out your previous mattress to make way for the new mattress. You're almost certainly sleeping on the floor tonight. Tales like this, feel it or not, are relatively typical factors to hear from consumers as most folks never know how to shop for a mattress or pick the right mattress retailer. It may even be you I'm describing in the prior paragraph. Acquiring a mattress can be a massive expense and so it is important that you follow the these measures when picking what mattress retailer you are heading to get from. Whilst subsequent these seven actions may possibly not entirely eradicate the danger, it will certainly aid give you piece of mind that you have gone with the right mattress retailer and not Shysters Discount Mattresses. Action 1. Question your friends and family members This is a very good area to commence. Usually moments you will know somebody who has presently been through the process that can advise a great mattress retailer for you to store. Do not count on this info on your own. Just simply because your pal experienced a very good encounter does not indicate that everybody else has. Action 2. Look for valuable data on the firms web site. Do they have a expert website? A lot of, but not all, of the respected mattress retailers have a site. Search for something that states FAQ or customer assist to get an thought of the merchants trade, return, and cancellation procedures. What costs do they demand if you want to swap it out to a various product? Some mattress merchants have massive expenses. One expenses a $250 restocking price to trade a queen set ($399 for a king) plus a $seventy nine redelivery fee, plus the variation between the manufactures MSRP and the sale price tag. With mattress-inquirer that some mattress stores cost...some of make you say to your self.... "why not just take my unborn child even though your at it?!" Read through the fantastic print! Action 3. Sort in the mattress suppliers name into Google with the phrase "Grievances" or "Lawsuits" subsequent to it in prices. This is to get an idea of what customers consider of this mattress retailer and also see if you can locate any governmental steps against them. Each and every organization, especially if they are large, is heading to get customer complaints. There is no way to make every single one buyer satisfied, however, a red flag ought to come up if 50 webpages of grievances pull up on Google. 1 New York mattress retailer, has been sued and fined (so several moments that I have misplaced rely) for false advertising, marketing faulty goods, and employing deceptive income practices. You would never know this based mostly on how trusting their commercials audio. Trust me...you would relatively lay down on a mattress of knives before working with this mattress retailer. Action four. Consider mattress forums with a grain of salt. Because anyone can put up on these, it is extremely hard to tell if the buyers in the discussion board are truly consumers. Several instances they are stores who are making an attempt to make by themselves seem very good or competing suppliers bashing every single others services/merchandise. Often you can find very good information on here, but you need to have to know how to sift by way of all the rubbish. If, nonetheless, you see an mind-boggling quantity of grievances about this mattress retailer, I would walk away.

[nightmare-grass]

My observations so far

Something's up with Jack

- most of these vids have Jack in a red-magenta light - Anti is associated with green, black, and red - the only egos featured so far are Schneeplestein, Chase Brody, Marvin, JJ, and Antisepticeye - most of the videos have a recurring theme of Jack talking about a neglectful and/or violent father - duality of red and blue where red is evil - use of Sandra as a placeholder name - playing the role faithfully

1) THE DOCTOR IS BACK I Gastric Bypass, Liposuction Surgery: normal lighting, Jack pretends he's a real doctor, mentions a Mirror Dimension, "Don't believe their lies.", keeps mentioning a daughter, Dr. Suzi said "Take  a stab at it!", Schneeplestein confronts Jack about playing a surgery game without him ("ZAT IS MY CHAIR"), no post-outro scene

3) Barry Has A Secret: viewer finds a small hand in a cupboard and is confronted by Jack acting unhinged, saying "You weren't supposed to find that" before grabbing you

5) Yet Another Exhausted Day!: It seems like a normal video but that red light is there, the title doesn't follow Jack's usual video-naming composition, looks to the right yelling "Ex-CUSE ME! I'm in the middle of doing an intro!", "Where'd he go? He's gone, he's gone forever.", could this be a metaphor for Jack in a coma?, gets up to actually answer his door even though the knocking is only in the game, "I'm zen, I'm asleep, I'm fine, I'm fine!", falls asleep in the middle of synopsis with fade to black before bursting awake and completing normal outro

7) THE WORST DATE I'VE EVER HAD I Check Please: the lighting, use of French accent could hint at Le Jacques Septique, talking about an abusive/neglectful father, gets dressed up in cinematic way, this Jack is broke, father's knife

9) Try To Fall Asleep!: not the normal intro, Jack appears from the TV static looking and sounding creepy, "I don't feel so good" like from Infinity War, "Hey, Presto! Abrakadabra baby!" sounds like Marvin, after the first 'FLEE' part he looked behind him to his left, "Can a doctor revive me after this?", "Ok powering down....." he says as he lowers his voice, lowers his head, and the screen fades to black, acting out the part of waking up, hidden images in the static display JJ in a white silhouette, Marvin in color (red green blue and white), and the words "JACK YOU HAVE TO" before the word 'FLEE'

10) TIE - A Game About Depression: all about Chase Brody falling further into depression, maybe Jack is in a coma?

11) Dark Silence: Jack mentions the whispers, character with lighter in game inspires Jack with lighter encountering Anti, out of the game Jack's lights flickered and burned out leaving the magenta/red lighting as he said "Oh, god! Ughhhh, creepy!" in a fearful tone, "Is there a parent around? Hello? Ap-parent-ly not!" reinforces that focus on moms and dads, mentions a “demon using the guise of a human", Anti is out and about

12) SPANKED BY TEACHER I Baldi's Basics: multiple references to an abusive father, the last time he is caught by Baldi his window goes a bit static and he yells "NOOOO" with a slight echo, cut to black, Jack is hunched over a desk writing furiously, writing looks like messy chicken scratch and paper is slightly covered by his arm, Jack sits up suddenly as he hears the thwack of a ruler on someone's hand, turns around fearfully shaking his head and saying saying "Teacher, Teacher, no! Teacher, no! I've been a good boy I've done my homework! Teacher! Teacher NOOOOOOOOOOO!" And he's cut off with the sound of Baldi catching him as the screen cuts to black, back to Jack and he's still cowering, then he pops up with an easy smile, like he just got done filming a scene

13) EXPLORING AN ABANDONED HOSPITAL I Exiles: for a few seconds it's just the menu screen, then Jack flickers into the video, confused, afraid, breathing heavily, and saying "Welcome to... Exiles, I guess. I dunno what this game is about, I dunno what-" before it cuts to the actual gameplay, says he doesn't remember how he got in his room playing the game, most of his commentary could apply to the Egopocalypse, trend of parents and "it's your fault" continues, cuts in the middle of Jack's synopsis, bright red light, Jack looks dead, his eyes are bleeding, low moaning noises, whispers, outro animation is in reverse with red filter and slowed down emergency siren noises

Stories Untold: 2) The House Abandon - Chapter 1: Jack recreated the end of the chapter by reacting to someone coming into his room when he thought he was alone when the lightning flashes and it cuts to an image of Jack trapped in a static computer screen from the game

4) The Lab Conduct - Chapter 2: like in the game, the screen flashed white light over Jack's outro, blocking it out

6) The Station Process - Chapter 3: connected all the episodes with coma theory, could Jack be in a coma because of Anti?, before he could do the outro faint whispers could be heard and as he said "This is good" the audio got muffled and the screen blacked out, Chase Brody faintly saying "Jack... Jack! This is Chase. You need to wake up.", Morse code says "where am i"

8) The Last Session - Chapter 4: cuts off before Jack's outro, cuts to Jack tossing and turning in his sleep, a green filter passes over a few times, whispers get louder till he wakes up panting, says "I remember what he did to me."