#i have the vaguest sense of where im going with this

[tildeathiwillwrite]

Oop This Just Became a Historical Drama

Records of the Torrent Watchers: The Blood Moon Specter, Part 3

Whumptober Day 15 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA | Painful Hug | Moment of Clarity | "I did good, right?"

Whumptober Prompts List | Masterpost

Tales from Valaria Masterpost

<- Previous | Next ->

Fandom: Original Work

Words: 1300

Tag List: @fourwingedsnake @whumperofworlds @pigeonwhumps @mr-orion @scaewolf

@the-ellia-west

CW: panic attack, PTSD, flashback, kidnapping mention, death mention, torture mention, deception

----------

Reese was thirteen years old again.

Trapped in that same damn cell, curled up in that same damn corner, shivering in that same damn cold. The skin at the crook of her elbow was bruised and throbbing. Warm tears ran down her face as she prayed to wake, to escape this nightmare.

That same damn feeling of helplessness, of knowing that there was no escape.

“Hey,” a voice cut through the haze of terror, “hey, look at me.”

Air displaced nearby, and she whimpered, curling up into an even tighter ball. But nobody touched her.

“Dammit,” the voice muttered, “this is more serious than I thought. I’m not going to hurt you.”

She shook her head. “That’s what he said last time,” she mumbled, “he lied.”

“I’m not him. And I don’t lie.”

Confusion mixed in with the fear, dulling it. Reese raised her head and opened her eyes. As she blinked away the tears, reality set in. She felt the soft carpet underneath her body, registered the wood paneling of the room, which was very much not the glass cell. She was curled up in the corner of a small, windowless study. The only door was on the other side of the room, next to a simple wooden desk with a cushy chair pulled out in front of it. Bookcases lined the walls, shelves filled with what had to be hundreds of books.

The room was occupied by one other person, a young woman who she did not recognize. She had light skin and black hair cut short, and she wore a dark green dress, a gray shawl covering her shoulders. The woman knelt on the ground just out of reach. Her expression was one of concern, but it softened when Reese focused on her.

“Where am I?” Reese asked quietly, eyes darting around the room. The only exit was the door next to the desk at the far end of the room.

“You’re in my study on my family’s estate,” the woman answered gently, “My name’s Nari. What’s your name?”

Reese narrowed her eyes at Nari. “How did I get here?”

“You tell me. You were the one who ran in here.”

Reese slowly pushed herself into a sitting position, trying to sort through the last few hours. They were covered in a fog of panic and fear. She remembered… running. Running through hallways that reminded her of the manor where she had been taken when she was kidnapped. Memories from five years ago started to blend together after that.

And before? “We were in the forest…” she said quietly, “the part of the Fells close to the River Torrent. We followed a trail north-west… and then we were ambushed.” Her hand went to her knife, only to find the sheath empty. 

She sucked in a quick breath and made to rise to her feet, but Nari sprang up first and pinned her to the wall, hand clamped over her mouth.

“Hush!” The woman hissed, glancing over to the door. “You got away?”

Reese stared at her, eyes wide, her fingers closing into fists.

“If you want to live, do exactly as I say, okay?”

Reese’s eyes flicked towards the door. Was that shouting somewhere outside? She hesitated for the briefest moment before nodding.

Nari’s expression hardened. “Good. Under the desk. Now.”

She released Reese, who obeyed, crossing the room in three steps and curling up under the desk. Nari pushed the chair in front of her and sat down, smoothing her dress neatly over her knees.

“What’s going on?” Reese hissed, heart pounding in her ears.

“I’ll explain later,” Nari whispered as footsteps from at least a dozen feet pounded outside in the hallway. “Be quiet or they’ll—”

A sharp knock sounded on the door. Nari flinched, but when she spoke, her voice was steady. “Come in!”

The door opened. “Elias, what’s going on?” Nari asked, pushing back the chair as if to rise to her feet. Reese’s heart skipped a beat. Was she going to—?

“Sorry to bother you, Lady Nari,” a male voice said, “but some intruders have just broken into the manor. One of them may be still inside.”

People in hoods and coats not unlike Reese’s own jacket. Nearly invisible in the failing light of the evening. At least a dozen.

Nari gasped. “Oh! Oh my! Thank you for telling me. Does Ry know?”

Luc had dispatched three before being disarmed. Reese managed one before her knife was knocked out of her hand. Damian disarmed one and stabbed a second, but one of the attackers got within his reach and punched him in the gut, forcing him to drop his sword. They couldn’t have been private security, they weren’t close enough to the manor house that the hooded attackers brought them to.

“Lord Rycellus has already been made aware of the situation. I will be sure to inform you when the last intruder has been apprehended.”

Reese remembered seeing the manor marked on one of Luc’s maps. It was close to the river town where the latest body was found. They were ushered in through a side door, and she was separated from the others. 

“Thank you so much, Elias.”

Reese kicked the one who was holding her in a sensitive place and bolted through the manor.

“Of course, my lady.”

Memories blended together. A closed door. The study.

The door closed. Nari waited as the footsteps receded, as the muffled orders from Elias echoed down the hallway grew softer until there was only silence outside the room. She quickly rose and pulled the chair away, allowing Reese to emerge from beneath the desk.

“Are you all right?” Nari asked softly. “Please, if you need to sit down.”

Reese collapsed into the chair, running her hands over her face. “I abandoned them,” she whispered.

“I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what led you to be here. Did you break in? Or where you brought here?”

Reese eyed her in suspicion. “Why are you protecting me?”

“Because my brother thinks he can keep what he’s doing a secret. Please, if you were kidnapped and brought here, you need to tell me.”

Reese exhaled slowly. “My name is Reese. I was with Luc Epsilona, the resident Watcher of the River Torrent. We were investigating a murder which had a connection to similar deaths, when….” She explained everything she remembered but left out the part about why she had been panicking. That would lead to too many questions.

Nari frowned at the floor when she finished, processing her words. “I knew this day would come,” she finally said. “Dammit, I wish I had an explanation for you, but I barely know more than you do.”

She began to pace. “I need to get you out of here, and your friends. Before Ry does whatever he’s been doing to the others.”

Reese watched her carefully. “How do you know what he’s doing? How do you know he’s behind the murders?”

Nari froze, staring at nothing. “I… I hear the screams,” she whispered, “of the people underground… I don’t know if he does it himself, but he’s the one who let it happen. He’s the one who hired those people. And he goes to such lengths to ensure I never find out. But I know.” Tears began to trickle down her face. “I know… and yet I do nothing. I’m as bad as he is.”

Celestials… she’s terrified.

Reese rose to her feet. “Nari, I know you’re scared. But I’m apprenticed to a Watcher, I know what I’m doing. We need to find out why this is happening. What can you tell me about the people he hired?”

Nari breathed deeply, composing herself. When she looked back at Reese, her face was the same hardened expression as when she had ordered Reese to hide. “It’s not much, but here’s what I know….”

[sothischickshe]

Up for a discussion question? If we’d gotten a full season three as intended, what would you have expected/liked to see from Beth and Rio?

Hey sweetie, I'm always up for a discussion question danke 🙇🏼‍♀️🥰❤️

I stand by what I said once re what i'd've liked to see from s3, particularly: the full s3 😭😭, whatever their vision for that was, so I could judge it on its own merits!! It remains a very romantic concept to me, bc while I certainly have my issues with other plots in s3 (terrible therapist, donor family, here's a hitman let's give him all our money woo, dean's salesman shenanigans & boring affair with gale etc) the angsty messy sexy brio scenes were soooo delicious 🥺🖤 and then while I understand s4 had a lot to reset from/deal with, s4 (b)rio frequently doesn't make all that much sense to me 🤷🏼‍♀️

but also! i finally started posting a fic which is kinda about that? (rio pov, post s3, eventually very long etc). so im gonna say a lil more (thus warning: minor fic spoilers) behind the cut...

....but this thing keeps moving where i put the readmore?!

how do u make a website this bad. um anyhow

pay-off to the boring dean/gale stuff!! helllooooo beth and dean both sleeping with their bosses?! hilarity goldmine no?!

MORE RHEA. like you can't just introduce a character beth's having a quasi-romance with & rio's presumably had an actual one with, who's seen them both at their softest and uncovered worstnesses, and is surely best placed to comment on say their similarities and then do nothing with it???

beth and rio yelling at each other. surely this was coming??

not ending on that next time empty the clip line (which i don't like) / wrapping up the hitman plot

given the (sudden!) arrival of nick in s4 and depressing rio backstory, i'd've loved some suggestion that rio was like consciously paralleling nick & beth's betrayals of him & considering them as similar and/or that his mentoring of beth had something to do with even the vaguest of plans to extricate himself from nick (plus Revenge) etc

like. acknowledgment and processing of trauma???

weird angsty sex

more brio bar scenes, more brio drinking, more brio laughing (at each other)

if not the furniture return, then at least it being more a topic of conversation...like how wasnt it? beth pitching ideas for earning the return (at least of her kids' stuff??) or rio holding it over her head or at least him going on abt how much he's enjoying her lamps or something!

death divorce. the show held this over our head for far too long. i also like this being decoupled from the brio stuff as much as plausible. beth needs to divorce dean not bc she's interested in rio but bc dean is the worst.

plenty of boland bubbles, that spot lasted abt 0.4 seconds after we sat through all that dean nonsense... we should have at least got rio testing out an empty hot tub cos he doesnt know theyre supposed to have water in or something.

inordinate amounts of brio bickering

ending of hitman/plot consciously paralleling s1 and 2 finales, even if it wasn't literally beth + rio + some man + a gun (ideally with some rationale as to how rio finds said hitman, whether or not that was a reveal of his magical powers)

Incentive Convo Callbacks (also rio vs sushi like a million more times, pls)

scars.

[0ystercatcher]

ok now that i have a little time. time to post about my america journey. this ones about restaurants and service work. im sorry in advance but also im not because im objectively Correct.

dear american friends. tipping there is bullshit, retarded, insane, fucked up. restaurant service does not need to be that involved, complicated, annoying or intrusive. yes i understand the us kind of sort of runs on its service economy, yes i understand work is work, yes i understand often its corporate policy and yes i still fucking hated it. there is genuinely no good reason for anyone to be paying 15%+ ON TOP of the actual prices at a restaurant. yes yes i undeerstand the wage issue yes oh all powerful american yes you deserve to be properly compensated for your labors but the way youre also just supposed to accept random customers are the ones who owe you 15%+ MINIMUM (and some places had like an 18% minimum, for real what the fuck) is genuinely crazy to me. im also going to be real min wage in wa for all tipped workers is the normal min wage so you cant even bullshit me w the federal rates or whatever. its a crazy policy. it makes no sense in the vast majority of cases and it makes servers ANNOYING ill get into this also. again yes i understand the reasons people often bring up as to why this is the case but i still simply disagree this is the best way to do this.

also once again sorry. servers are fucking annoying when everyones angling for tips. sorry. i simply do not want to be bothered 5 times while im eating my slop or whatever just to get asked if the food is good or whatever. im eating it just fine brother please just leave me alone. yes im being a cunt yes im getting borderline misanthropic with this but for real i find it crazy, insane, stupid, that people will genuinely respond to this with like. the vaguest arguments about how if you dislike eating out just dont. bc like i dont dislike eating out at all but this particular way of dealing w customers is like. fucking crazy. i want...to just enjoy the meal. this is where i could get into the other thing that deeply annoyed me abt the usa and once again im going to be evil but its the fake nice small talk w cashiers or whatever like look. look. i am not mean in person. i believe treating people who are just doing their jobs in your presence with respect and dignity are absolute necessities and i prommy i am very nice to people when i am consuming products or services. i do in fact, say please and thank you. but bro americans go crazy with it and yes yes corporate policy yes this and that. but oh my god i was sick of it by the end of the trip even if i was also getting better at it. i simply do not think you need to exchange a minimum of 2 unrelated pleasntries to begin any sort of transactional interaction though and again im not opposed to hi, please, thanks, thats obvious and necessary. but to be fucking honest i dont want the beloved talented barista who made me a delicious espresso to ask me if im having a nice day. i dont need it. i dont need to ask it back either this guys just working like what exactly are they gonna say. they dont need to be wasting their time like this. i am there for coffee or whatever the fuck else no offense to them obviously but we all know this is true. so why. why bother. why bother with any of this. the third world does just fine without it. why bother. i think this may have been the thing i disliked the most.

[bluntloyalist]

an incomplete list of things fukimono barely fucking touched on that NEED AND DESERVE additional depth:

- abeno being "strangely cruel" to humans/disconnected from humanity/more youkai than human culturally speaking

- also his FAMILY?? WHERE ARE THEY ????

- the three powers. give me more underworld laws and politics. i want to know wtf ashiya and them were stamping when rippou called for help. i want to know how you have a whole court system and yet cutting ppls arms off in the streets as an example to whoever happens to be shopping that day is the way to deal with thievery. what are the laws here exactly run me the documents

- the three powers and aoi and whatever wholesomely fucked up youkai coparenting situation they had going on with baby abeno. we only got a few panels and i need MORE

- the mononokean + the princess + yahiko/their whole tri-power underworld/human world balance connection thing. i get it in the vaguest sense but whats going on there

- THE MONONOKEAN. THE FUCKING MONONOKEAN. BRO YOU CANNOT HAVE SUCH A COOL FUN INTERESTING YOUKAI BE SO INTEGRAL TO THE STORY AND ONLY GIVE US THE BAREST INFORMATION ABOUT IT PLEASE THE LORE DROP THE FUCKING LORE

- influence

- influence taking on the will/spirit (?) of the person it once resided in post-mortem (??) (is influence itself a demon that possesses humans??? like wtf why does my mc power gain consciousness when i die wtf wtf wtfff)

- nah im sayin it again what the FUCK is influence and how does it work. Yeah Uh The Thing That Lets Me See Youkai And Also Suppress Their Will With My Own And Also Kills Them If I Want And Also Forms An Identity/Steals Mine (During The Time I Used It) When I Die If It Doesn't Die With Me. You Know. Influence. like huh what huh ?????

- parasite shrubs and the sea of trees. they were both explained well enough but the fact that all of youkai society is contained within the bubble of the princess's power and everything outside of it is a lawless death sentence is SO COOL. conceptually. like how many square miles can she cover? what does the youkai population number even look like? the three powers all have "bases" in different locations but what about the regular citizens? are there multiple towns? cities? how would living near the border of the sea of trees be handled? is the sea of trees ever used as a means of capital punishment? do they have any kind of guard or patrol ? im not gonna edit it sorry but this is bled into my next point, which was

- youkai society

- sakae and nara

- sakae and aoi

- sakae in general. we know bros family got squadwiped by youkai, he killed them indiscriminately with his influence as revenge up until he met aoi who (SOMEHOW we dont fucking KNOW because we dont know shit about aoi EITHER) changed his heart enough to have him secretly working for the mononokean, at some point he started a family, and he died trying to save aoi. and thats it. how did he fall in love with nara?? why was his hair gold the first time they met and then black after that even though he could still see youkai?? how did he meet aoi?? what was his personality like beyond traumatized and exhausted??? we will never fucking know :D

- aoi in general. all we know about them is they were the previous master of the mononokean, if you bully haruitsuki they will kill you <3, they saved him from youkai as a itty bitty kid and probably kidnapped (????) him to the underworld for child employment training, theyre the coolest strongest cat ever and everybody thought they were dead, and theyre probably gonna be the next underworld princess (#nongendered). what does their human form look like? whats their personality like beyond "loves abeno"? why did they become the master of the mononokean? how did they and sakae become friends/partners? what made them risk everything by letting sakae work for the mononokean in secret rather than just killing the walking youkai murder machine? WE WILL NEVER. FUCKING. KNOW. :D

- that one youkai who was studying their school to implement some kind of standardized education in the youkai world. we shoulda checked back in on them fr

- KINAKO. WE SHOULDA CHECKED BACK IN ON HER FR

[tonydaddingham]

big brain time: ineffable bureaucracy, with their line about “loving someone makes them realize there's no point in choosing sides” and “heaven and hell are where each other are” will stand as a parallel and overall theme about what both crowley and aziraphale will need to learn, ESPECIALLY aziraphale, and it will get us to a satisfying resolution in season 3. i’m manifesting it, i tell you ✨

ill be completely honest (hence why it's taken me a while to get your ask @swansdreaming), i hope IB is developed in s3... because whilst cute, it felt like a wild swing from the abyss and left me reeling a bit!!! but they were in fact cute in the end and we needed the softness before we were forced into eating mf glass.

if that is what the ideal for crowley and aziraphale is, tbh im not sure how i feel about it. we either need a Lot more background to IB to give it even the vaguest amount of equal gravity to the millennia-old story of IH, or it needs to also go on its own journey to measure up against it. does that make sense?? i feel like the two don't really compare when we don't have full context of the IB romance to draw full parallels against the boys ✨🥺

[gayspock]

ok night night

genuinely fuckingmadness what doesnt set me off what doesnt make it worse. i knowisound so fucking stupid and i start to go nuts sobbing thinking about how fucking little i must seem. then its like who is even caring that much. then i go nuts BECAUSE nobody is caring that much. then i realise none ofitwill change anything regardlessand it passes me by and im just fucking nobody and nothing. where was i. yeah what doesnt set me the fuck off i dont know i think everything just makes me melt down and i cant find anything. that even remotely fucking offsets it or anything that helps or anyhting at all that i can fucking hold onto like a fucking lifeline that i dont fuck up. and it doesnt matterhow much im exposed to it it just gets worse and worse and worse. i htink its the only thing i can ever fucking do. i think ican do nothing but rememebr the times ive tried to fuckingtalk to people in the past and howmuch of a frustrating fucking force i am but i genuinely donot fucking have anything else in me but fucking rot and even that is a fucking groanworthy fucking melodrama but its fucking true i cant fucking responmd to anything i just fucking let everyone dwn but theres nothing else there to do or to giveand if there really fucking im desperate to fuckingknow but i feel like its jsut circles . every attempt jsut feels like a resounding fucking rejection or fucking failure heres another thing that doesnt work thatmakes it worse thats this thats whatever let me rub it in for you like salt in the fucking wound i think

if eel sick iwth myself and start to go nuts htinking about how fucking hard it is to ever talk to people how fucking little there isleft to even try to do so how fucking isolated i am how little energy i have left in me how theres nothing for anyone to fucking latch onto how even if i somehow summoned enough energy, the sort ive not fucking managed in years, to somehowfind some sort of companionship in even the vaguest most distant of senses something something the loneliness that sets in isnt just that i dont think i can ever fucking try to make a connection anywaybecause i cant fucking do anything but tank it all and insert a fucking litany of otherbullshit and knowing if i could even manage to not be alone for a seocnd it would be gone sof ast when everyone fully fucking understands hoiw muych of a lost cause i am , like the actual fucking anger at how fucking incompetent a person could be and i fucking feel it and iknow its there and no matter how hard i try to fucking fight it because it doesnt matter itnever matters notihng means fucking anything and it hasnt for s so fucking long andi just breakdown i getupset and nothing shifts and its so so fucking pointless how hard it fufcking hurts and it never means anything its jsut so fucking trivial at this point try to fuckign find some fucking thing

i keep jsut getting so angry and hateful in response to everything to evertything and god help me i am trying to fucking bite it down please dont fucking be a cunt and take it out on everyone else but i cant fucking suppress it i fucking want to snap at everyone like who fucking caresany more its fucking nasty and its pathetic butevery time i see anyone else happy i just start to get so so fucking . bitter inside like its not fucking fair type bullshit i fucking hate everyone that has someone else in their life that they cant count the number of conversations theyve had on their hands outside of a work context in the past few years thattheres things they want to live for and things theyre excited about or things theyre even good at and have some fucking purpose in and i start to get fucking angry and upset knowing everyone else just fuckinggets to experience the world even its fukcing hard sometimes but ijust cant even figure out whatswrong with me knowing damn well its just nothing i jsut. pure fucking inadequacy pure fucking emptiness that nothings ever going to fucking fix it and i know nothings ever going to fucking fix it and i try to fucking just letmyself go sofucking much but i just get so fucking mad and uspoet like its anyone elses fucking problem and i cant . seem to fucking getanywhere or do anyhting or feel anything any more i think about howmany days ive just lost to jsut trying to make it fucking go away and somehow thats the best i have thats the best i can do or have ever managed to do and i thinki about the fucking way thats all im capable of i really fucking resent every fucking day i seriously do is anyone else crazy or like

[izzy-b-hands]

Writing here abt the edizzy kiss my brain dreamed up bc im terrified my brain will also fucken forgor it if i wait to try and work it into a fic later without getting it written in at least the current dream form (bc they way it was shown in the dream I can't fic, but I could maybe take the in character moments and put them into a fic 👀)

So, my dream presented it to me as:

A behind the scenes sort of shot, literally seeing it from behind the camera (all the various numerical data that you can see on the edges of the shot were present, date and whatever else)

Of Con and Taika being directed to fuck around with this harp that's been brought below deck (presumably an item stolen by Ed and Izzy, with the vaguest implication it's meant to be used at Lucius and Pete's wedding?), until the strings break on it (mildly terrifying in dream bc since it was a dream the dialogue of how they were being directed kept going fuzzy at this moment, so like. They're being told to 'keep pulling at them, don't be afraid but also hey guys don't let the strings snap and hit you in the face', and Con and Taika had these very nervous 'maybe this is a bad idea' smiles on until the strings finally snapped loudly, very nearly indeed hitting them both so that was. something lmao)

Then a direction to 'go ahead and do the kiss any time within the next couple of minutes, remember it's supposed to be a surprise to both of them that they're kissing again and that they actually really miss doing this with each other, so just take a moment and then maybe Taika, you go for it.'

It cut to like maybe a half second later of them standing side by side, Con as Izzy pretending to fuss and worry over the harp strings before Taika leans down to kiss him, doing that stupid good little move where if you're shorter than them they pull your chin up just by a fingertip or two as they kiss you?

And it was just stupid cute bc that switch had flipped and they're both completely in character in the moment and i can only describe it as !!!! With a half second of Con showing the moment of conflict on Izzy's face, a 'oh is this something we'll regret' fleeting look before kissing back and giggling into it, then both of them fucking. Moaning as they kiss, hands juuuuust starting to wander and pull each other closer when whoever's directing (maybe David idk??? the dream did not let me see back behind the camera as to who was there) laughs and fucking references a goddamn meme with 'okay, good. My bad, didn't mean to moan like that, right?'

And Con and Taika immediately break only to start joking and ask if they need to do it again (with a couple of mumbled comments abt them being happily willing to redo the kiss, but not the harp strings breaking which makes sense bc like. I still don't know why my brain threw that in like what would that achieve 😭. The harp can't be used then??? It felt like it was supposed to be a 'look at these two being silly together again and in the process fucking something up, maybe they'll have to work together to fix it' bc honestly sure. I'm here for the random idea that both of them know how to restring a harp and also have like. a consistent supplier for musical instrument strings somewhere nearby aksndkfng)

Idk exactly what to frame it in yet (maybe keep the harp thing?), but that kiss. I'm keeping and doing something with that kiss in a fic for Ed and Izzy, bc it was :chef's kiss: to me, tho I will admit i am biased 😅

[wearepaladin]

hi, im just starting a ttrpg campaign as a paladin, and i have this idea for a character concept by mirroring their levels as how good they are at being a paladin. Like, at low levels theyre in it for personal reasons, but as they level up, they start to grow as a person and start to connect more and more with the ideals of a paladin. I got the idea by thinking of why someone might not be able to channel their god as well as someone else, and how that could be explained by more than just “experience” or “knowledge”. In this case, it would be depth of character and understanding of morality. Do you have any thoughts, or any suggestions about how to play like this?

Hmm. Interesting. I think it would be an opportunity to explore a paladin's development from a fresh perspective. Most after all learn from established orders and oaths, but a neophyte with only the vaguest idea of what to expect is learning as they go. As they learn more, they can conform to the established order, or, more like, interpret it from the lens of their own perspective and culture.

Imagine being a paladin in the modern day, learning what it means to be one in the face of our ever shifting reality versus the more traditional fantasy realm? How would you react with first gaining the power to heal others with your hands and sense good and evil in people's hearts? And then learning abilities that strengthen you and others and the ability to cut evil with fire sharp as any blade?

It has lots of potential no matter where you go from there? Embrace it and I think it will be a joy for you and your fellow players.

[ivymarquis]

Sin Sunday WIP

idk what the cool kids are calling it here have another segment of WYW PT III which theoretically should be finished sometime this week

Placed under the cut. Contains A/B/O, Kidnapping, Stockholmn Syndrome, and the vibe is extremely dubby.

“Jacob Im sorry- Im so sorry, I dont know why I did that. I dont want to go back please don’t let them take me,” her finger let up off the button to see if he answered. 

The further Rook traveled north, the hotter she got which was not (she was fairly certain at least) what was supposed to be happening. The air was stifling, her clothes clinging to her damped sk- oh son of a bitch. 

Realization gave way to panic once more, the panic making her desperate. “Jacob please Im so sorry I won’t do it ever again,” her voice was higher pitched, and at this point she was babbling to get a response from him. Whether she meant she wouldn’t reject his attempts to court her going forward or just wouldn’t engage in her typical “whatever it took to spite him” behavior she’d happily engaged in. “I'll be good, Jacob; I’ll be so good for you, I promise. Just please answer, I’ll do anything.”

Tears welled in her eyes. Rook was groveling at this point, her voice a hair’s breath away from becoming a broken sob. She had only the vaguest concept of time and knew her heat was coming but between the stress of Jacob ripping her out of the Veteran’s Center and then her quest to get back to him, her body apparently had decided that going into heat was the appropriate response. 

Her body was literally calling out for an Alpha who wasn’t here. Trying to entice him to find her. To drag her back to her nest.

Only problem with that was it was a double edged sword just as sharp as her pride- her scent was changing and leaving a trail that would lead any Alpha straight to her. 

“Now, that wasn’t so hard, was it sweetheart?” Jacob’s voice crackled out from the radio in her hand. 

Her body’s reaction was immediate to the sound of his voice, not understanding that her Alpha wasn’t nearby.

“You remember how you finished on my cock even while my hand was wrapped around your throat cutting off your air, Pup?”

Rook staggered to the ground, another wave of heat washing over her at the reminder. 

The blind fear that he might end up killing her had been absolutely surreal, the orgasm mind-numbing for something given outside of a heat cycle. 

“Answer me.” His tone was clipped and left no room for argument.

“Yes, I remember,” she responded, not sure where this was leading other than getting her worked up. She’d passed out after, didn’t remember anything. 

“You fainted after. I told you something then, something I don’t expect you to remember now- told you I’d be fine with you lying to yourself and protecting your sweet little ego. That I knew turning your back on the “resistance” would be one tough pill to swallow, and I was willing to be patient about it.”

The inaction of the resistance in the past year to even attempt to save her had certainly cured that little problem. Rook hadn’t even realized how angry she was until it had finally clicked that no one had come for her.

“But,” his voice chimed again. Rook shifted her thighs, waiting, “we’re not doing that anymore. You want to be here, you act like it. No more pretending you’re being held against your will here. I’ll be here waiting, Omega. You come here under your own volition and then we’ll talk.”

She’d crawl across a field of shattered glass on her hands and knees if that’s what he wanted her to do, but even with her heat addled brain she had enough sense to know that showing up to St. Francis would be one of the worst ideas possible in her state. 

“I can’t.” She choked on the words- didn’t want to deny her Alpha (especially after her little spiel about how she’d be so good and do anything for him) but couldn’t come up with an alternative. 

“Why?” It was the best possible response for her to get from him. At least he’d answered her. 

“I started going into heat as soon as I started running from the Whitetails.”

[gaphic]

@geeeny02 @ivehadanapophany @lastoneout

THANKS FOR ENABLING ME YALL

ok so, this isn't a criticism of the movie Raya so much as an observation of a corner disney have been steadily painted into with their most well-known IP: The Princesses.

It's pretty clear the studio has been struggling with their princesses for a while now- all of their live-action remakes have made painstaking (and painful) attempts to 'update' their female protagonists, and a lot of those changes are taking aim at the same problem: being a princess needs to like,,,, Mean something nowadays

Snow White, Cinderella, Aurora, Belle, Tiana, and Rapunzel all essentially become princesses as a reward for being Good. Their royalty is completely meaningless, it's just the romantic idea of 'being a princess' that little girls love.

Ariel goes from being a princess to being a princess and it means nothing, Jasmine's beef with her station in life has barely anything to do with being a princess (forced marriage isn't exactly exclusive to royalty!) and Merida just gets the exact same conflict but worse

Pocahontas stands out as the first princess to not really be a princess, but she's also the ONLY princess based on a person we objectively know existed, and thus a huge outlier. Mulan is the real change. She isn't royal at all, and I get the sense she was only included in the princess brand because... what else were they going to do with her? All their other animated leading women were united, one IP under marketing, amen. So it was either market Mulan alone, which would be strange, or sneak her in with the princesses and really push her more feminine outfits. Breathing a sigh of relief, disney went back to their usual fodder with Tiana and Rapunzel

...Then there was Frozen.

I honestly think it was a coincidence, but Frozen introduced the idea of the princess doing actual royal activities. There's a coronation, a state dinner with ambassadors, a hint of power struggle when Elsa leaves! And then the movie was a SMASH fucking hit and revitalized the hell out of disney's image.

By this time the romantic image of The Disney Princess has long lost its shine, so the mouse is RABID to recapture that success.

Moana gets an aesthetic stand-in for a coronation with the shots including her headdress, and the first act of the movie sets up that she's being groomed to take over one day. She makes executive decisions and helps solve problems, but her being a princess still doesn't really matter to the story, and while the movie was a huge hit, Princess Moana didn't quite slot into the brand like her predecessors did

Frozen 2 got weirder. More vague allusions to governing with evacuating Arendelle, then Elsa is hastily de-princessed and Anna becomes queen offscreen with NO buildup

The live-action remakes? Well. They change the characters a lot. But their relationship to royalty stays very much the same. At first. Frozen comes out in 2013, Moana 2016, in 2017 Beauty and the Beast said nothing substantive about monarchy (just like the live action Cinderella + Maleficent) and everyone on earth hated it, and in 2019? We got Girlboss Jasmine. Oh dear.

Girlboss Jasmine is a PRINCESS alright! She wants to be the sultan! She has no formal policy in mind, but she gestures at slogans like 'my people make the city beautiful' and does complex political maneuvering like... reading maps. But nobody really likes that either

Mulan 2020 basically offloads the princess angle entirely and everyone hates that too

ENTER RAYA.

Did you even notice Raya is a princess? Raya is a princess. She's like the combination of both Frozens and Moana, having the vaguest possible allusions to the responsibility of her position (through her father, NOT herself!!!) and then rushing off on an adventure where her royalty is utterly irrelevant (the movie would actually be better if Raya wasn't a princess- if she was a servant in the palace who didn't know exactly what happened and thought she'd been betrayed by her leaders. If her rival was the princess of her country and that betrayal was the source of her distrust, rather than a broken 30-minute friendship with a total stranger) and doesn't even provide any glamour or romance. And then the movie bombed.

I highly doubt disney will stop trying to do princesses because of this, but I do think they're officially out of ideas. The only way to REALLY justify a character being a princess going forward would be to incorporate it into the story (because nobody is interested in that 'princess as a reward' shit anymore) and there's just no way to do that without a lot of bad press. Cause once you acknowledge a character's responsibilities as a royal in the plot, you're kinda forced to portray it either positively or negatively. Negative depictions ain't marketable. Positive depictions would be pro-monarchist propaganda

You might say 'well they could just go the Mulan route, and use 'princess' as a figurative term' and they are sure as fuck trying to do that in some of their marketing initiatives, but it's just not hitting. Not like they want it to. You can really only play that game with literal babies, because any girl over the age of 10 has developed enough cognition to feel condescended to by the insistence that every woman who accomplishes something is a 'princess'

Committing to that direction would constitute an admission that disney doesn't know or care how to market female protagonists without slapping a crown on them and adding them to the monolith. That's bad press disney doesn't need.

im sure some people will be disappointed by this but i hate monarchy so

[cicada-bones]

The Warrior and the Embers

Chapter 33: Aftermath

Im sorry this one took me so long! Schoolwork and the election really wiped me out! But I hope you enjoy and as always - let me know what you think!

(also this moodboard will hopefully make sense a lil ways through this one - was super fun to make so I hope you like it)

Masterlist / Ao3 / Previous Chapter / Next Chapter

With each step down the stone staircase, a slight clicking sounded from Rowan’s hip, the four stone collars jostling against each other as he walked. With each step he took away from Aelin, he felt something in his chest twisting. Something bright, and strong, and full of fire. Something new.

The carranam bond.

Rowan had never heard one described before, and he was taken aback by the strength of it, the potency. It was like a…tether. That connected him to her. An artifact of Aelin’s scent, like a key, buried in his chest.

It was strange, to be given another magical connection after so many centuries. He was used to the feel of the blood oath on his soul, the way it writhed in his veins. An acidic, curling smoke. The strength of it. The inevitability of it. Maeve always made sure that their oaths to her were born of pure submission.

That bond smothered his will, and dulled his senses. That bond had put him to sleep for two hundred years.

This bond was a jolt of electricity. An awakening.

The stone corridors were quiet all around him, but not with death. With healing. Rowan could sense the presences of his…cadre, as Aelin liked to call them, deeper in the fortress. Small flickers of darkness at the edges of his senses.

And with each of his steps closer to them, Rowan couldn’t help but think that this new bond was almost like how he had felt with Lyria. Couldn’t help but draw comparisons, and similarities.

Before her death, and the mating bond became an aching chasm in his chest, it had been a soft, warm presence just over his heart. A place where he could feel his mate close. Where he could sense her.

Rowan always felt when she was in pain, when she was in danger. And it gave him the vaguest sense of her location, almost like a scent trail.

This new bond, his carranam bond with Aelin, was strikingly like that. Unnervingly so.

Aelin hadn’t replaced Lyria. She hadn’t filled the hole the mating bond had left within him. But with this carranam bond…Rowan found that it was harder and harder to feel that hollow ache. To feel the place where his body remembered her loss.

And Rowan wasn’t exactly sure whether he was glad of it.

Rowan was hovering just before the entrance to the corridor where he had spent most of that morning – shoulder to shoulder with the demi-Fae, sweat dripping down his limbs, the air drenched in copper. Now, it was empty of all but the dead. The stones were slick with blood, the walls spattered with gore. Rowan could hardly walk without stepping on hands and toes and torsos, cold and hard and bulky in death.

But Rowan did so anyways – making his way through the pit of bodies to check for a smothered breath or faint heartbeat – any hint of life. He found none. Someone had clearly already gone through and collected the injured, then probably moved them to the dining hall, or the inner courtyard, to be attended to. Where the survivors had gone, Rowan did not yet know.

He stood and sighed, making to leave the corridor.

There was much to be done. The bodies would have to be burned. The gate to the tunnel was mangled, it would have to be reinforced – and soon, in case of a second attack. There were the injured to heal, and prisoners to organize.

And Rowan was utterly uninterested in all of it. All he wanted was to go back; to follow that tether to its source. To curl up beside Aelin and sleep for a century or more.

His feet were slow as they mounted the stairs, making for the sentry station where he knew he would be able to find Malakai. But before he made it very far, a familiar, bronze-skinned shape nearly barreled into him.

“Hey – oh, it’s you.” Fenrys, now in human form, stepped to the side and out of the way of Rowan’s path. Though he had fought as his wolf, the younger male was drenched in half-dried blood, his skin mottled with newly forming bruises. It didn’t matter that it was a different form – it was still you.

Rowan’s greeting was guarded. “Fenrys.”

“Rowan. Where’d you get off to? You missed almost all the fun!” Even with his hair matted together with someone else’s blood, the boy was practically chipper.

Rowan frowned, raising his eyebrows. Fun?

Fenrys waved his hands derisively. “You know what I mean. Did you leave to go help the princess? Is she alright?”

Though he was only asking from general curiosity, there was an anxiety in his tone that unsettled Rowan. He didn’t know what they wanted with Aelin, didn’t know if Maeve had sent them, couldn’t be sure of anything. Though he had fought with them for years almost beyond count, he didn’t trust them as far as he could throw them.

Rowan followed Fenrys’ question with one of his own. “What happened after I left? Where were the survivors taken?”

“Lorcan’s in charge. Last I saw, he was up on the battlements with an older demi-Fae who seemed to be a leader. There were forty or so soldiers who were still standing when their commanders fell, and they surrendered fairly painlessly. Lorcan had them taken to the dungeons to await questioning, but none of them seem particularly talkative.”

So Lorcan had taken charge. Something inside Rowan unfurled, a hidden tension flowing from his limbs. “How many dead?”

“Most survived. Seems that Adarlan was seeking to capture, not kill. I think last count was twelve, though that might increase before night falls.”

“Wounded?”

“Our side? Most. I think Gavriel is attending to them in the mess hall. There are a few dozen Adarlanian soldiers too – but I think they’re being kept separately.”

Rowan just nodded, satisfied. But before he could turn to depart, Fenrys’ hand shot out, stopping him.

“Wait – you never answered my question. Is the princess alright? We…we passed her on our way in and she…she didn’t look very good.”

Fenrys’ eyes were surprisingly earnest. But instead of compassion, Rowan felt a chill pass through him. Fenrys had seen Aelin. They all had, on their way into Mistward. For some reason, Rowan had never thought that through before – that in order to reach the fortress, his cadre must have passed by Aelin. And left her there.

“You saw her?”

Fenrys seemed to hesitate at the coldness in Rowan’s tone. “…Yes. She let us through that strange black smoke. It was phenomenal actually – she made this…this bridge. Of golden light. A tunnel, that gave us a way through. Otherwise we never would have been able to make it.”

There was awe on the young male’s face, wonder in his voice. But Rowan did not hear it. “You saw her, and you just left her there?”

Fenrys started, his brow furrowing. “Yes. What else could we have done?”

Rowan was fuming. You could have stayed. You could have helped. He wanted to rage at the male, to shout himself hoarse. But he kept himself in check.

“She will be fine in a few days.” And Rowan turned and left without another word.

He didn’t really expect Fenrys to understand. But Lorcan should have. And Gavriel definitely should have. Had they all just sailed past her?

Gavriel knew exactly what it was like when the people you were responsible for died under your command. Hadn’t Rowan tattooed enough names into the male’s skin by now? It was almost as though they died by your very hand. As if they died because of you. Because you didn’t think hard enough, or plan well enough.

They died because you weren’t good enough to save them.  

Gavriel knew that. And he had nearly let Aelin die for them anyways. To die for him.

Rowan strode out through the gates and onto the yellowed grass, damp with rain. The ward stones towered before him, dark and silent and aged. Even with the death of the creatures, the magic that had fueled them was gone – utterly emptied.

Most likely, they would never spark again.

The loss of their magic, their majesty, weighed on Rowan just as those twelve deaths did. Deaths that he was responsible for. Somewhere, the logical part of his mind told him that there was nothing more he could have done, nothing more he could have sacrificed. But it was a very small part.

Rowan took another step forwards, to rest a hand on the black monoliths. Seeking to confirm with his hands what his eyes and ears were already telling him. But as he moved, the stone collars jostled once again, like a chorus of dull wind chimes.

Rowan lifted one off of his sword belt, examining it closely for the first time. They were perfectly round and utterly black – so dark that it was hard to see the flaws on the matte surface.

Even with the demons dead and gone, the fragments of stone held whispers of darkness about them. And it was more than just a memory of power, more than just a trace. It was almost as if those bodies had been little more than vehicles for the darkness, and it was the collars that held the real power.

Rowan placed the circle of stone carefully back on his belt, then shifted and flew out into the morning light, headed deep into the mountains.

He didn’t have time to make it all the way to the sea, not with Aelin sleeping in their rooms, unprotected, while Maeve’s warriors strode through Mistward. Not when Rowan couldn’t be sure of their motives, or their obligations.

Instead, he headed for the deepest, wildest place he could find with his winds and his hawk’s eyes.

Half an hour passed, and eventually he chanced upon a patch of evergreens hidden in the shadows between two massive peaks. Though it was approaching summer, snow still shone at their tops, the steadily rising sun marking the mountains a blinding white.

Rowan dove through the chill, passing between shelves of rock and soaring through narrow crevasses until the light dimmed, and became scarce, and mid-morning turned to dusky twilight.

The evergreens were undaunted however, monarchs rising up against the faces of stone to tower over the southern hills that lay below. Rowan flew to the base of a particularly gigantic pine, where he shifted in mid-air and landed on a platform of gnarled roots and discarded rusty pine needles.

Rowan breathed deep, then called his power up from within, pulling the last dregs of ice from the well in his chest. The magic came unwillingly, though with it he cast a blade of pure ice. Which he used to dig into the earth, tunneling deep into the nest of roots below.

Once the hole was at least eight feet deep, Rowan let the blade melt and fade into the dry earth. He carefully lifted each collar off his swordbelt and threw them into the deep, then filled the pit back up with hard-packed earth, replacing the bed of pine needles over the surface.

Rowan stood carefully, realizing for the first time that he had let his concentration slip. That he’d perhaps been too focused on the task before him, and not paid enough attention to his surroundings.

For as he turned to leave the hollow, a strange presence flitted at the edges of his senses.

Immediately, Rowan strengthened his shields and cast out his winds, seeking answers. The air did not give them to him. Not really.

The presence felt…different. Unexpected. But surprisingly, not unfamiliar.

It felt wild.

Then it clicked into place. The Little Folk.

Rowan took a hesitant step forwards, just as a pair of eyes peeked over a fallen log, then quickly fell from view. Rowan took another step. And another.

He wanted to speak, to say something. To tell them that the demon creatures were dead, that the wild reaches were safe once more. To tell them who had killed them. But for some reason, Rowan felt that they somehow already knew.

Rowan reached the log, expecting to find it empty. So he was unsurprised to find that the faeries were gone, their presence fading from the hollow. But he was startled by the fact that the log was not completely bare.

Atop the mossy surface rested two circles – crowns, Rowan realized – of red and white.

They were undeniably beautiful. Exquisitely crafted wreaths of the warmest flame and the coldest frost. Rowan’s hand stretched towards the red one first, recognizing spiky red maple leaves and orange petals from marigold flowers. There were strips of yellow from the brightest buttercups, and yet more colors from plants Rowan could not name. All collected and pieced together into this fiery masterpiece that barely resembled the plants they had once been.

Rowan was struck with the memory of the crown Aelin had once made for him, the crown of pure flames. This wreath was the perfect image of her magic.  

He felt his eyes shift, searching out the other wreath. It was quieter, more understated, and yet still indisputably majestic. It was made of leaves of pure frost, wormwood and silver sage and needles of blue pine. And the spitting image of the circlet he had crafted for Aelin.

Rowan felt his brow furrowing, his gaze searching through the close-set tree boughs for any hint of movement, any indication that they were still there. Still watching.

For they had been. The Little Folk had been watching them for weeks.

And while Rowan was discomforted by this discovery, he felt no fear, no antagonism. These were gifts, not threats. A silent thanks.  

And as Rowan held that crown of fire between his hands, it finally sank in. The demons were dead. They had won. Aelin had lived.

Tears formed at the corners of his eyes as he raised his head to face the darkness of the forest beyond. “Thank you,” Rowan said. “Thank you.”

···

The harsh stone of Mistward’s walls appeared through the thinning mist as Rowan dove towards the fortress. Now that the barrier-stones were forever silenced, he no longer had to pass through the front gate, and so could glide over the battlement wall and land directly on the stones of the interior courtyard.

With the knowledge that Lorcan had taken charge alongside Malakai, and that they had suffered minimal losses with the enemy forces already contained and subdued, Rowan had lost all interest in participating in the recovery and repairs. All he wanted was to go up to their rooms, bar the door, and drift off into the deepest sleep he had risked in weeks.

But the interior courtyard was far from the empty, silent place it usually was.

A temporary hospital had been set up under swathes of white canvas, where men were lying on cots and sitting on mats, blood pooling beneath bandages while hollowed eyes stared into air filled with the sounds of the dying.

Mistward hadn’t been hit hard, but Adarlan had been. And the wounded waiting to be helped numbered in the dozens.

Fenrys had told Rowan that the hospital had been set up in the dining hall. Otherwise, Rowan would have flown directly to his rooms, instead of risking passing by where he knew Gavriel would be waiting for him.

The male in question looked up just as Rowan entered. There was no avoiding him, no matter how much Rowan might wish to.

Gavriel was standing at the bedside of a young soldier in Adarlan’s colors, though they were hard to see through the pools of blood encrusting the fabric. But as Gavirel wasn’t holding bandage or needle and thread, Rowan assumed that the blood was not the soldier’s.

Gavriel’s brow furrowed as his eyes met Rowan’s, concern and – was that fear? – passing through his scent. But as usual, the male swiftly reigned in his emotions once more.

“Are you alright?”

The question felt loaded, though Rowan wasn’t sure if that was Gavriel’s intention. It didn’t really matter. Rowan didn’t have an answer to give him. So instead of speaking, Rowan just grunted, then moved to stand at the soldier’s other side. Silently offering his assistance.

Together, they reset the soldier’s broken leg, then used their combined magics to bind the fragments of bone and knit the skin and muscle back together. Despite everything, the two of them immediately fell back into a rhythm, into that shared dance of movement and magic and thought.

Soon, the man was whole once again. Gavriel took a wet cloth from the man’s bedside and used it to wipe his hands and face, then handed it over to Rowan, a silent thanks in his eyes. Rowan took it.

“Is Aelin going to be alright?”

A pause. “She’s resting.”

“She has grown these past weeks. Improved.”

Another grunt.

“Do you think it is enough?”

For the first time, Rowan looked directly into Gavriel’s eyes. Something passed between them. “I cannot keep her here forever.”

“No, you cannot.”

There almost seemed to be actual remorse in the male’s voice. Rowan wasn’t sure if he would be able to keep his irritation in check for much longer. “Is that why then?”

“Why what?”

“Why you just left her there? Why you held me down when I tried to help her?”

Gavriel looked taken aback. “You think that I wanted the girl to die?”

“Give me an alternative.”

“She begged us to leave – to save you. I could not deny her her last wish.”

“Even when you knew that would not be what I wanted?” Rowan was very nearly shouting now. “Even after all these years of tattooing the names of the Fae you’ve lost on your own skin? You still don’t understand?”

“If you had seen her face, you would not have denied her either.” The quiet resolve on Gavriel’s face was enough to momentarily disarm Rowan. He changed tack. “What were those stone rings you carried before? I didn’t get a good look – “

“Does Maeve know that you’re here?” Rowan interrupted before the male could finish his question.

Gavriel hesitated, his eyes darkening. But not with anger, with…shame. “No. She did not know when we left. Though she must surely know by now.”

A small measure of sympathy washed through Rowan, working to melt the ice somewhat. Gavriel was loyal through and through. This betrayal had cut him.

“What happened? When – when you got my letters?”

Another pause. “I was alone. Fenrys and Connall were also in the capital, but I didn’t meet up with them until after. I don’t know how Lorcan and Vaughn decided, but they were still in the south – we met up with them near the southern mountain pass.” Gavriel’s eyes were almost boring into Rowan’s by this point, pinning him in place. “I did not say anything to anyone. I just left. But that doesn’t mean that you have nothing to worry about.”

The accusation in his tone was a painful reminder of what Rowan had been suppressing all morning. A reminder of what was waiting for them back in Doranelle. Who was waiting for all of them.

And whatever happened, it would be Rowans fault. Their pain, their punishment. Aelin’s pain – it all would be his fault. But he saw no other way.

Rowan took a slow step back, nodding at Gavriel. All of his anger towards the male had temporarily evaporated. “Thank – thank you.” He choked out. “For coming. For saving her.” Then he turned and left the courtyard, heading up the stairs to finally join Aelin in their bed.

···

Lorcan was nearly at his wits end.

He’d missed most of the actual fighting, instead babysitting Rowan to make sure that the bastard didn’t run off to his own death. So by the time he reached the tunnel where it appeared most of the battle had taken place, the twins had already taken care of almost everything. And now he was stuck organizing the repairs and recovery of this insignificant backwater fortress.

Bodies had to be collected and burned, sentries needed to be sent out to confirm that there were no other forces lying in wait for a second attack, workers needed to be organized to clear away the rubble and gore. He needed to ensure that the prisoners from Adarlan were well locked up, and had to arrange for them to be interrogated.

But all the while, as the morning passed into mid-day, Lorcan couldn’t get that image out of his head. The picture of his second, of Whitethorn for gods’ sake, screaming bloody murder as that princess fell into darkness. The look on his face when he wrenched himself free of their grip and ran to her. The image of them in each other’s arms, while the world burned to ash at her hand.

When they arrived, Lorcan had left her for dead. He’d dismissed her – just like that. The darkness surrounding those creatures was unlike anything he had ever felt before. The feel of it on his skin…Lorcan shivered. His powers did nothing against it.

Only fire could destroy them, and the princess had burned out. Or so he’d thought.

He’d tried to convince Whitethorn that the girl was dead, that there was nothing to be done. But the male refused to listen. And then, when she rose through the darkness – it was almost as though she brought the dawn with her.

That power…it was unlike anything he had ever felt before. Apart from his queen, nothing could match the girl. Nothing and no one. Not even him.

He almost didn’t even blame Whitethorn for going after her.

But only a very small part.

Mostly, Lorcan felt…betrayed. There really was no other word for it. And betrayed for love, of all things.

Everything was about to change. Nothing would ever again be the same between them, or within his lieutenants. Never again would they rove through the countryside together, drinking and fighting and bedding women. Never again would Rowan be able to look at the horizon without some measure of longing in his eyes.

Rowan Whitethorn had fallen in love. After all these centuries, and with that foreign bitch of all people. Whether the bastard knew it or not, he had fallen in love once more. And it would probably break him all over again.

Lorcan cursed violently, and a sentry in the corner of the room jumped in fright.

He didn’t know where Rowan was at the moment, and frankly, he didn’t much care. Lorcan wasn’t sure he wanted to see him. Didn’t know what the hell they would say to each other.

Not that Rowan’s help wouldn’t be appreciated. The older demi-Fae male in charge of the fortress – Malakai, Lorcan thought his name was – wasn’t particularly helpful. Rowan was Lorcan’s second for good reason, and his other lieutenants were already occupied.

Fenrys and Connall were running forays into the perimeter, ensuring that there weren’t any more parties of soldiers lying in wait. Gavriel had been dispatched to help the small group of fighters who had skills in healing, and Vaughn was helping to repair the damage done to the escape tunnel. It had caved in in places, and the gates were badly damaged.

They were all here, doing their duty. Helping Rowan save all of these gods-damned ungrateful bastards. Risking their lives, and most definitely risking their liberty. All because of Rowan. And where was he? Absolutely nowhere to be found. Probably off with that fire-breathing bitch.

At some point, Connall returned with the information that there weren’t any soldiers within fifty miles of the fortress, and the caves that had served as their camp all these weeks were emptied.

Lorcan then sent the wolf to the healer’s compound to inform the head healer there that the threat had been dealt with, at which point the older demi-Fae commander spoke up and said that the healers had been moved into the mountains for safety, and Lorcan had to bite down on his tongue to keep himself from snarling at the male.

Then Connall was gone, Fenrys was arranging for the traps in the woods to be taken apart, and the elderly demi-Fae had left with some mumbled excuse about following along behind Connall to meet up with someone to tell them the news. And Lorcan was alone. Which he found was actually not that much better than having company.

What did Rowan think was going to happen?

Did he think that Maeve would let them be together? That there was some happy future in store for them?

The second that that little girl made it through Doranelle’s gates, she would likely be trapped there forever. Maeve would never let a power like that slip through her fingers – and with the way the girl looked at Rowan? The princess was doomed.

Maeve would force the girl to swear the blood oath, one way or the other. Then, once the girl was hers, Maeve would undoubtedly keep her and Rowan separated as much as physically possible.

Because they were carranam, and together…together their power was more than anything Lorcan had ever seen. Even Maeve –

No, his queen was the most powerful being in all of existence. But still, the two of them together could prove a threat. And Maeve would not stand for it. So they must be kept apart.

Lorcan’s teeth slammed together. Why had that jackass allowed this to happen?

His team of commanders had been near-perfect. They worked together almost seamlessly, each with their own specialties. There was order, and structure. Even Fenrys, who was a right pain in the ass most of the time, fit within their hierarchy well.

But now…now it would all fall apart. Rowan loved that girl, and everything was about to change. He would defend her above all others, would protect her in the face of any threats, would never put her in any danger – even if it proved necessary in order to meet their objective.

That bastard’s cock was going to fuck everything up. And Lorcan didn’t see any way to stop it.

Then Vaughn reappeared, with the news that he had just gone down to the dungeons to check on the prisoners, and found them all dead in their cells. Poison.

Lorcan muttered a violent curse, and stood.

···

Gavriel was exhausted to his very bones. Night had now fallen, and they had lost three more men over the course of the afternoon. Three men whose deaths he had not been able to prevent.

Many more Adarlanian soldiers had died, but Gavriel couldn’t bring himself to much care about them. Particularly after they started bringing out the cyanide. Lorcan had told him that they had lost all of the prisoners in the cells, and to try his best to save the few soldiers from Adarlan who were still in his care.

Gavriel told the male not to get his hopes up.

He had spent the entire day at work, stuck in some courtyard, surrounded by the moans and complaints of broken men. There were a few demi-Fae sentries who had some healing magic, but far too soon their powers were exhausted, and Gavriel had to send them off to rest.

He couldn’t completely heal all of them – it would have surpassed his strength. But he ensured that no one died that wasn’t already marked to enter Hellas’ realm. Obviously, the soldiers’ goal had been to overwhelm and capture, rather than kill. The fortress was very lucky to have escaped with so little death.

Still, what he wouldn’t have given to have Rowan’s help. Or Lorcan’s. Or anyone’s, really. But they were all busy. And Gavriel would have rathered face a dragon in single combat than to go up to Rowan’s rooms and ask him to come down and help. Especially after their discussion those hours earlier.

It had been so strange – the cold male had felt almost…vulnerable. In a way that Gavriel had never seen before. And the look on his face when the barrier fell, and the princess was consumed by darkness…Gavriel would be haunted by that look for as long as he lived.

Just as he had known the second he saw the princess’s pleading, desperate, dying face before the ward-stones, begging them to go save Rowan, that she had loved him, in that moment he had known the same for Rowan. The prince loved that woman. And now there was nothing that any of them could do about it.

All they would be able to do was wait, and watch, and discover how it would play out.

But there was something, something more. The two of them were closer, more comfortable with each other. And they were obviously sleeping in the same bed. But there was also this strange hint, a trace, of the girl’s scent on Rowan. Mixed in with his.

Perhaps it was just the settling of that new bond between them – the carranam bond. For some reason that didn’t quite sit right with Gavriel.

Though that was another image it didn’t seem likely he would ever be able to erase from his mind. The way they looked together, staring into each other’s eyes while the entire world burned to ashes around them. The way their power felt as it rushed over his skin, an avalanche, a tsunami. The explosion of a star on the surface on the earth.

The fact that they were carranam changed everything. Now, if Aelin joined their ranks, it seemed unlikely that Rowan and the princess would be allowed within fifty feet of each other. Maeve disliked a threat almost as much as she hated betrayal. Or disloyalty.

Gavriel’s stomach turned over. He knew far too well what they would be facing upon their return to Doranelle. He forced his mind away from the unpleasant memories. He had made his choice, and he would stick by it. He had known the consequences when he decided to come.

And he would not regret it. The girl and Rowan had both lived. Even the majority of the demi-Fae had survived.

Though he would regret leaving Aelin alone at those gates for as long as he lived. Rowan was right, he should have stayed. No matter how worried he had been for his friend, the princess had needed him. And he had almost let her die for them.

His daughter. The words were an uncomfortable weight. Full of doubt. At first he had desperately shied away from them, aching for them not to be true, for them to be anything but. Now, he was less sure.

The princess was growing into a powerful female, a leader and magic user worthy of renown. Wouldn’t it be understandable to want to belong to her, in some small way? To want to be hers?

Shame joined the guilt writhing in his gut. It was a betrayal to his queen to want to belong to another. For it wasn’t really as a father that he wanted to belong to the princess, it was as a soldier. A lieutenant.

Aelin’s power was a beacon, and just like Rowan obviously was, Gavriel felt himself being drawn to her.

So, as Gavriel moved between the dozens of patients sleeping before him, searching for bandages to change and fevers to lessen, his thoughts kept whirling back to that essential, all-consuming question. What would happen when Rowan brought the princess to Doranelle? And would Rowan be able to survive another loss of this magnitude?

The night slowly passed into day, and just before dawn began to peek her head over the mountains, Lorcan appeared.

He was obviously trying to sneak out before the fortress woke up, now that the majority of Mistward was once again up and running as normal. And though Gavriel doubted the male would ever admit it to himself, to leave without having to see Rowan. Without having to deal with whatever it was that was shifting like quicksand beneath their feet.

Gavriel stood and walked over to meet Lorcan, who was now standing over by the entry gates, buckling on his swordbelt.

They stood in silence for a moment, but then, “What do you think will happen when we return? What are you going to say to her?”

Lorcan’s eyes narrowed, knowing immediately what Gavriel was getting at. “I’m going to tell her the truth of what happened. What else.”

Gavriel’s brows furrowed. “You know as well as I –”

“That changes nothing.”

“It changes everything, and you know it.”  

“Just because Rowan went and fell for – ”

“He hasn’t been at peace for centuries, Lorcan. You would deny him that?”

“No. But there isn’t exactly anything that we can do to stop it. I would worry less about that selfish bastard, and more about your own skin, Gavriel. Rowan and that bitch are going to get what’s coming to them, and so are we.”

Gavriel only nodded. “I knew that when I decided to leave.”

Lorcan’s face darkened. “Tell Rowan I said goodbye. And that…that by the time he returns to Doranelle, I will have submitted my report. I can’t hide this from her – even if I wanted to.”

Gavriel nodded again, then clasped Lorcan’s arms in farewell. “I will meet you on the road, Commander.”

Lorcan’s gaze shifted slightly, an acknowledgement that he heard the silent words in Gavriel’s promise. I am coming too. I will not let you enter Doranelle alone.

But the male just jerked his head once, turned, and ran into the mist.

Dawn passed into morning, and Fenrys, Connall, and Vaughn all also departed, with similar words of farewell. But Gavriel lingered – wanting to see the girl one last time before he left, wanting to ask her the question that burned on his lips.

Before morning could give way to midday, an opportunity presented itself. Rowan and the princess were walking down through the fortress and the courtyard, heading out over the grounds. So Gavriel headed towards the back gate in order to intercept them.

Rowan was stony faced. Aelin was smiling.

I thought you’d be gone by now.” The accusation in Rowan’s icy voice was difficult to ignore.

“The twins and Vaughan left an hour ago, and Lorcan left at dawn. He said to tell you good-bye.”

Rowan only nodded absentmindedly, dismissing Lorcan’s message without much thought. “What do you want?”

Gavriel frowned, looking them both up and down. “Be careful when you face Maeve. We’ll have given our reports by then.”

Rowan didn’t react, though the princess started slightly. “Travel swiftly,” he said, an obvious dismissal, and continued walking past the gate and into the waiting mists. The princess, however, lingered.

Her eyes were cautious, and they studied him carefully. Then she said, softer than the mists brushing his cheeks, “Thank you.” Gavriel blinked, and he heard Rowan freeze suddenly at his back. “For the warning. And for hesitating that day.”

She extended a shaking hand towards him, wrapped in gauze and purple with bruises. Gavriel looked at it for a moment before shaking it gently in his own. Her warm golden eyes met his, and then all of sudden he was asking the question, the question on which his world now turned.

“…How old are you?”

“Nineteen,” she replied, casually as anything, and Gavriel was releasing a breath that he didn’t even know he was holding. He didn’t know if it was from relief or sadness or surprise, though nevertheless, it was a release.

Aelin Galathynius was not, and could not ever be, his daughter. She was too young, by a number of years.

In order to fill the strange silence that had fallen, Gavriel made some comment about how that made her magic even more impressive. Aelin winked at him, then turned to follow Rowan into the trees.

Gavriel could feel the male’s confusion from a dozen feet away, but he didn’t much care. Rowan could be confused for a bit. He deserved as much for what he had put them all through, and what he was going to put them through, over these few weeks. And Gavriel was far too confused and conflicted himself to much care about the younger male’s feelings at the moment.

He was relieved at the news, but that worry was still there. He cared about the girl now, and that wasn’t something so easily undone. And it was not only because of his own burgeoning affection.

Gavriel couldn’t help but worry for the girl on Rowan’s behalf. Particularly because of the look Rowan was currently giving her – that flaming, all-consuming look. Like he was the moon, looking at his own personal sun. Knowing that soon, it would all come to an end.

So as the pair of them began to disappear into the trees, Gavriel murmured, “Good luck, Rowan.”

Then he shifted, and ran off to join his fellow warriors. To head for the capital, where Maeve was lying in wait.

To head for Doranelle.

…

Masterlist / Ao3 / Previous Chapter / Next Chapter

…

@aelinfeyreeleven945tbln @booknerdproblems @queen-of-glass @westofmoon​ @morganofthewildfire​ @fangirlprincess09​

(let me know if you would like to be added to this taglist!)

[wiinterrose]

          ( xavier serrano , male , he/him, 23 ) omg ! i was walking yonge street downtown , and you’ll never guess who i saw . 𝐌𝐈𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐄𝐋 𝐅𝐋𝐎𝐑𝐄𝐒 ! i just saw a post about them on sixsecrets ! i think it said something like “ 𝐌𝐈𝐊𝐄𝐘 𝐅𝐋𝐎𝐑𝐄𝐒 𝐒𝐏𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐅𝐀𝐌𝐎𝐔𝐒 𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐎𝐑'𝐒 𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐄 𝐀𝐓 𝟓 𝐀𝐌 : 𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐎𝐑 𝐘𝐄𝐓 𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆 ?” . isn’t that wild ? i guess it makes sense through , since they’re apparently 𝐃𝐔𝐏𝐋𝐈𝐂𝐈𝐓𝐎𝐔𝐒 and 𝐂𝐔𝐍𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 . but i’ve heard they’re also 𝐎𝐏𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐂 and 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐂 ! i’ll just stick to giving them the benefit of the doubt . i mean , it’s not like i know them personally — they’re a famous 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐅𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋 𝐃𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐑 / 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐔𝐁𝐄𝐑 ! you know , i’ve actually heard rumors that ██████████████████, but they’re just rumors … i think . i dunno . if you happen to run into them , tell them i’m their biggest fan ! ( ollie , they / them , 21 , est )

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘

— mikey was born and raised in winnipeg because i think it’s funny when characters are from winnipeg. if you’re from winnipeg i’m so sorry. definitely was born on the coldest day of that year ( so like some point in january )

— but because of those long, cold harsh winters, mikey found himself in a dance studio a lot. his aunt was a dance teacher and with rather absent parents who meant well but both had long hours at the local hospital, he spent a lot of time with her. he fell in love with dance pretty early on, always having a certain fluidity and grace even when he was young.

— random but he also played hockey up until he was like 16 or whatever because he’s canadian and i’m not stupid. it happened. he can still skate tho. in a slightly different life he probably would have been a pretty good figure skater huh 🤔🤔🤔 but anyway...

— also feel like it makes sense that he did gymnastics. and trained in classical ballet.

— he went to university of toronto for college, studying kinesology and dance, and danced at one of the prestigious studios in the city.

— his big break moment was when in his sophomore year at ut, he made it onto the second season of world of dance in early 2017 ( lets pretend that show has been on longer than it has bc i don’t want it to be the first season of it sldk ). he made it all the way to the finals and quickly become a fan favorite along the way. though he ultimately placed second and missed out on the million dollars, that was the beginning of many doors opening for him. ( for those who, might have the vaguest clue what i’m talking about : i’m highkey feeling like, michael dameski style which is an idea i had after i named him michael so don’t @ me for him having the same first name ).

— millions watched that show, including some prominent agents and scouts who were able to help him launch a professional dance career : something he never thought he’d see himself actually doing. his first big gig was making the dance team for some singer’s north american tour, and he ended up not returning to ut to pursue a professional dance career full time. since then he’s danced in a few music videos for some uber famous musican ( same one he went on tour with or not idk ?? also a wc ?? maybe ?? ), a tv show, couple movies, and other various gigs around the city. he works part time at a studio when he has time, and has been honing his choreography skills as well.

— he makes enough dancing, but certainly not enough to make him RICH. no, that come from an impromptu vlog he did while on tour with aforementioned singer. having already garnered a following from world of dance, he soon rose to youtube fame as well, something he never could have predicted. i feel like his videos are very just, day in a life with various random challenges mixed in, and various workout and flexibility tips. he also still does pieces and duets with other prominent dancers just for fun too. his natural charisma and attitude really just carries him through easily lmao.

— mikey developed a bit of a habit of sleeping around when he left for college, all the newfound freedom was just intoxicating and well. he was hot so. it wasn’t like it was hard alsdkjf. that stuck around well into his blossoming dance career. nothing that was enough to be scandalous, but he made his way around. and then a year and a half into this unforeseen new life, he met matthew glass.

— he’d had a couple serious relationships before, one in high school, one his freshman year of college but neither of them could hold a flame to what he felt when he was with matt. perfection wasn’t something mikey believed in, but he almost did with what they had.

— it was like for over a year and a half he lived in this insane dream, and then mikey and matt broke up and he was devastated ( behind closed doors and with curtains pulled tightly shut ).

— he then proceeded to broadcast how perfectly fine he was doing by going back to his old ways and sleeping around obsessively, this time with very little regard as to how many headlines he was making. as far as coping mechanisms go, i guess sex is better than alcohol ?? not to say he wasn’t also drunk at times l o l.

𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐂

— mikey is a... how do u say... im gunna write manwhore bc it’s accurate so pls don’t take offense. inch resting bc i’ve written smut like once in my eight year rping career but that’s what he decided he was gunna be and who am i to deny that.

— very bi. very much does not care. if the world didn’t know he was before, it definitely does now lmao. he hasn’t come out in the sense he’s like posted a video about it and said “i’m bisexual” but it’s pretty obvious from the media and maybe he has gotten asked in interviews and has just shrugged and been like does it matter ?? i’m sorry he’s not the vocal bi ally we need. perhaps we will work on that.

— hasn’t dated anyone since matt bc he’s highkey lowkey still hung up on him but no one needs to know that right. outwardly, he’s very much the same : seemingly happy, but he’s a lot more careful with his heart and letting people close to him. if anything he’s become a bit of a two-way mirror, always seeing out but never really letting people see in, just what they want to see.

— probably goes without saying but extremely flexible. idk if any of you know who juuse saros is but apparently he can twerk in a split and i’m not saying mikey can but like. he just might be able to...

— straight up does not get cold. never wears more than a hoodie, probably danced shirtless in the middle of winter just fine. at least being from winnipeg is good for one ( 1 ) thing.

— i feel like people call him flower. idk guys. maybe im just thinking too much abt hockey goalies.

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘

— he tends to be extremely underestimated as he comes across a bit dumb and generally has a pretty positive outlook on life which people confuse for him being naive when that isn’t the case. but he’s found he can use that it his advantage and that sometimes, people will tell him things they think he can’t understand but he hears and remembers everything. it’s helped him out of a few difficult situations before.

— i feel like he has a bit of ethan dolan’s personality & dumbass energy idk guys...

— live in the moment kind of dude. his motto is probably like : you just gotta know what you want to do next. i mean looking back on his life it’s been pretty crazy and that’s only solidified his outlook that like, you really can’t control too much. just let it go where it takes you.

— people do like him though and they like talking to him for whatever reason. generally has pretty trustworthy vibes but he’s more slippery than he comes across. he’s a selfish person at heart and always has his own best interests in mind, even if it doesn’t seem that way at first.

— extroverted. i think ??

𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄

— 6′1″. chocolate brown eyes. curly brown hair. he has a lithe but extremely fit build due to his career. his core strength is especially impressive. 

— he has a monochromatic lineart tattoo of a rose on his left forearm / wrist and a butterfly ( again monochromatic & just lineart ) on his right shoulder. small scar at the base of his neck by his ear from an unfortunate hockey accident.

— needs glasses but usually only wears contacts unless he’s in his apartment late at night.

— he’s not overly fashionable, going more for comfort than how he generally looks. on a regular day, he’s probably got the whole... college athlete look going if you know what i mean. a big fan of mirrored aviator sunglasses. wouldn’t know what dressing up meant even if it slapped him in the face.

𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

first and foremost i want to say that i like to vibe and brainstorm with people to come up with unique connections between our characters but here are a few ideas:

— the singer whose tour he danced on — singer whose music videos he’s been in — mayhaps even actors for that tv show / movie he was in ( v small role but whatevs. maybe they just Vibed yknow ) — flirtationship 😔 — always ye ol good hookup l o l — we keep running into each other idk maybe we should talk ??

TAKEN CONNECTIONS PAGE HERE

𝐎𝐎𝐂

          hey guys, i’m ollie. my intros are either written really eloquently or a big mess bc im trying to rub together a couple braincells at 1 am and whatever comes out, comes out. no need to guess which category this one falls into lmAO. anyway, i’m a slow plotter bc i’m easily overwhelmed trying to do too many things at once but i swear i will try to get to as many people as i can. and yeah this entire character is inspired by my love of world of dance don’t @ me... if u made it all the way down here u should watch this bc 😳 & mikey has the same athleticism and strength.

[cockbiteproductions]

all prime numbers in the Misc section and all multiples of 10 in the other sections

we shall go backwards as the question list was posted backwards...... (and also why i rbed it.... why is it backwards? i dont know but i love it. edit: now that ive seen question 1 it looks to me like one of those forum profile copy pastes where you fill out the entire thing and put it in your profile.)

200: My crush’s name is: hmm...... well. i would rather not say!!!! they could see this post!!!!!!! and we do not want that happening.......

190: My 1st job was: lifeguard in the summer after 9th or 10th grade i think? it was decently fun. i grew up swimming competitively so the swimming part was a breeze. the remembering what to do if someone is drowning part? a bit harder. memory bad. what to do if someone has a potential broken spine/head injury when they’re in deep water? i don’t know bud. but it involves 3 whole people to get them out. 2 in the water, one person at all times holding their head in line with the rest of their body, the other one strapping them to the board (these two people in the water switch off, too) and then one person standing on the side of the pool looking very concerned. also don’t tell anyone but sometimes if i had like a 6 am shift i would get really groggy and almost fall asleep on the stand.

180: Marriage is: whatever people make of it but unfortunately bogged down with like a lot of societal expectations. to me it just sounds like hanging with your “best” friend until you die but a lot of other people interpret it differently.

170: What did you do yesterday? LOL wouldn’t it be nice if i remembered. wait no i do remember. i woke up “early” and watched a dnd livestream and struggled through buffering from my shit wifi. then i took a nap. then i had a chipotle burrito that was way too spicy. and i played a lot of minecraft. and i wrote a bit. and i also did like another 2-3 pages of the codecademy html intro course im working on.

160: Soul mates: nope. [taylor mason voice] i don’t believe in the concept of a soul. you are compatible with some people more than others and that’s based on your values and interests and personality. nothing Soul about it. it’s fun in fanfic and fiction though, but that’s because it’s fiction.

150: Blondes or Brunettes: brunettes..... i like brown hair! but blonde is nice too.

140: Mac or PC: clown face emoji. mac. It’s A Unix System. more convenient for me. my current mac is a giant piece of shit though. though i think that’s my own fault for keeping all my old files from my old mac. shoulda started over. i think i might try to get this one factory reset or something.

130: Wal-Mart or Target: idk walmart. i go there a lot during college. walmart just has a larger selection. i used to go to target a lot as a kid though because my mom liked it more. i think it’s like slightly more bougie?

120: Gay Marriage: fuckin go for it pals. sad that it took as long as it did to become legal.

110: My Neighbors: they are nice i think. the ones to the right are teachers or something. the ones to the left are.... idk. their kids were like maybe 5 years older than me and my brother when we were growing up though and sometimes they would indulge in us tiny annoying kids and hang with us

100: Cried in front of someone: when the finale of the clone wars came out a few months ago and i was sobbing and i ran into the living room to tell my roommate and friend that i was sobbing. i was sobbing. i also recorded myself watching the entire eps and i Sure Was Sobbing.

90: Texted: actual sms text, yesterday in response to a friend who texted me a tik tok. instant messaging like 20 minutes ago to milo. i havent responded yet because im answering this and i cant multitask for shit.

89: Who makes you laugh the most: me obviously. i think i’m fucking hilarious. me aside, @redvsblue​ is the funniest person on this planet. also my friend holly irl who shares my incredibly dumb sense of humor. also you!

83: The most difficult thing to do is: hmm........ in general or for me personally? idk..... a lot? i am not a very courageous person. so i guess being brave.

79: First time you had a crush: >:( not appreciating this line of questioning that lines up with the prime numbers/mult of 10. i will not be saying as they ALSO follow me on tumblr. though they don’t use it often. shout out to middle school.......

73: Tomorrow: hopefully wake up around 1 pm at the latest. make a plum smoothie. play some more minecraft and get more netherite (new update slaps). do more coding tutorials. get some writing done. the same ol same ol.

71: Next Summer: hopefully i will have a job lined up for the fall and the pandemic is Over. i would like to just [do nothing] for the last summer Ever before job starts. if i don’t have a job then it’s Job Hunting Time.

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: what the fuck...... like in a bad way? good way? cry of laughter? sadness? me, probably. my own damn brain be like “well it’s time to think about Yourself and be sad!” i know. very narcissistic of me. also dave filoni (director, producer, writer on clone wars).

61: My Car: not really mine. i just use it. beige 201? toyota camery. my brother tried to convince my dad he needed it more than i did last school year. my brother, who lived on campus in boston and flies to school from nc when he goes there, needs the car more than me, who lived off campus and drove to and from school to get back to nc, thinks he needed the car more than me. what a guy.

59: The movie I cried at was: last movie huh......... when was the last time i saw a movie? idk probably the rise of skywalker when leia died. i don’t know. i sure as hell didn’t cry at cats.

53: How do you like your steak cooked: i am vegetarian.

47: Who’s your best friend: @worthyghouls​ i guess. but also concept of “best friend” is so weird. No Best Friends. just lots of people i am good friends with. feels weird to all my other friends to pick One of them and be like “well i like you more than everyone else” :)

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: only in the vaguest vaguest vaguest sense. i would like to graduate with my bs degree. i would like to live in a city (doesn’t have to be a super big one. where im at rn is fine). i would like to have my first or second job i feel comfortable doing related to the degree i am getting. i would like to live in my own apartment (with roommates)/not with my parents. i would like to not be rent burdened. i would like my roommate to know how to take care of a cat or be okay with helping me learn how to take care of one. i would like to have a cat with said roommate. and that’s about it tbh. not very ambitious, i know. i just want a simple life......

41: Have you pre-named your children: bold of you to assume i will have children. no. if i ended up with child it would be like that tag on ao3 called “accidental baby acquisition” and i would name it on the spot.

30: Actress: hmm..... lauren marcus. lauren lopez. does fiona nova count if she’s going to be in rvb zero? also lindsay jones. aubrey plaza. idk. not many actresses i follow from project to project. it’s more i will see them in something and appreciate them in that role immensely. 

20: Holiday: halloween is pretty chill. just getting candy from strangers? dope. scary aesthetic? amazing. i also like christmas just for the sole fact that i get time off from [life].

10: Restaurant: a favorite restaurant??? who has one of those???? i sure don’t. and i’m not gonna say something cringey like olive garden or mcdonalds. i simply do not have one.

[neverlearnedtoread]

King of Scars

⭐⭐⭐; me at any given moment in the second half of the book: leigh.......*sobbing* please........where are we

Oh?? 👌😉😏

incredible set-up! the first half was SO exciting and fun. every set-up was brimming with piping hot takes. court intrigue, power couple vibes, sneaking around / keeping up appearances interspersed with real feelings - bardugo set out a real feast of a story, that’s for sure

non-powered protagonist / POV in a magical setting. it’s one of my favourite tropes (i can pinpoint the origin of this preference back to one specific book in my childhood favourites)

badass women! need i say more

political intrigue (especially with the backdrop of a magical setting!)

No.. ❌🤢🤮

the author lost the thread SO HARD in the second....it really fell so flat after such a fantastic premise. im so disappointed 😭 i wanted so much and i got barely a crumb....please leigh, just another mouthful of that political intrigue....im begging ya......

im not that mad about the [spoilers] at the end of the story, but i am utterly befuddled by how it happened - and that’s not even taking into account how confused i am about the future direction of the story. bardugo, where? are? you? going?? it’s getting to the point i don’t fully trust she knows where she’ll end up either, and that’s dangerous

Nina’s story should have been a novella that came out before KoS. It would have been much more cohesive, and I could concentrate on Nina’s arc more on its own, and probably would’ve hyped up KoS that much more because of how these two stories are supposed to happen concurrently. Honestly, as interesting as Nina’s story was, I don’t have that much to say about it. It was good. I wish it was its own story. That’s about it.

Summary: Three years after the Ravkan Civil War, King Nikolai finds himself wrestling with an interesting problem. While his shrewd political machinations and barefaced charisma have kept Ravka from devolving into yet another conflict with one of its many enemies, he’s been losing ground in a battle with his own body as some uncontrollable curse repeatedly takes over his consciousness, causing him to wreck havoc across the nearby countryside night after night. After he nearly kills a child on one of his fun little jaunts as a giant bird-creature, he decides to take matters into his own hands and travel to a place of cleansing, which he hopes will be strong enough to purge the darkness. Things can only go downhill from there. (Oh yeah! And Nina is doing cool, sexy, creepy, important stuff somewhere else. That’s a thing too.)

Concept: 💭💭💭

I did not expect to pick up this book. I got into Six of Crows quite late, and I didn’t love the duology (it was good! i love inej. and everyone else is there too ig), so when I read the reviews (tbh I just listened to the KoS liveshow by the Papercut trio, but same thing) and they weren’t...that positive? i chalked it up to a cute cover i could admire from a distance whenever i visited a bookstore and moved on. But! Life moves in mysterious ways...and by mysterious I mean my friend listened to the audiobook and got me into it as well so we could share thoughts

Spoilers under the cut~

Execution: 💥💥💥💥 (first half) / 💥💥 (second half)

...And share thoughts we did! The first half of the book was *chef’s kiss* set-up so beautifully. I’ve never read the Grisha Trilogy, but I can feel that bardugo prefers to play fast and loose with her worldbuilding rules anyway, so there wasn’t much I couldn’t pick up using context clues. The characterization for two POVs I’d never read before, let alone even knew the backstory of beyond the vaguest inclination, was masterful! I immediately liked Nikolai and Zoya. Then we got to the second part, and I have never seen anything go downhill quite so effortlessly. More spectacularly? Yes. More quickly? Absolutely! Somehow, this was more like a slow slide into mediocrity, which was....worse. We just kept getting further and further away from the original intrigue, and setting up yet more moving pieces and unanswered questions, and, and - ! The book ended. I am so afraid that this has become a bigger beast than Bardugo can control, and that’s why she’s announcing a Six of Crows continuation - to pull it all together without admitting she may have lost the thread of this narrative.

Favourite Moment: while I loved where nina ended up at the end of the story (and i WISH we had had her story in a separate novella so i could fully appreciate the BDE), I think my favourite scene is when nikolai says to zoya ‘so what about that amplifier of yours that you were highly emotionally attached to’ and zoya not only tells him, but takes off her shirt to show him the scars without being directly asked. like damn! all he had to do was ask an unrelated question! shit! half the population of ravka would die to be as lucky as their king

Personal Enjoyment: ❤❤❤❤❤ (first half) / ❤❤ (second half)

I love it when a story hinges on two characters playing off of the other. There’s the banter, of course, but the real meat of this premise is always the character reveals and parallels you’re privy to, when you match two characters the audience has yet to learn more about against each other. It’s like...shadows and light! The interplay of similarities and differences! The intrigue of these characters reacting to any character reveals alongside the audience themselves in real-time! ‘Two sides of the same coin’-type narratives are always super fun, with or without shipping. And I think that’s the crux of the reason the second half of the book fell apart - despite being two out of three of the only humans stuck in that Other Place, and literally unable to go anywhere, Nikolai and Zoya simply....stopped talking to each other. And trusted two otherworldly god-like figures. Without question. 👀👀 HUH? HUH?? They’ve both been established to trust very few people - it took them three years to build themselves up to trusting each other, and they worked side-by-side to govern an entire country. But when it came down to the wire, you’re telling me they picked some random mythical dudes they had never believed existed? Make it make sense, Bardugo. They’re not even teenagers in-canon anymore, there’s no excuse for that kind of lapse in character consistency.

Favourite Character: i’m going to cheat and say that nikolai and zoya tie - their personalities were so compelling. if only they could have combined their two braincells to give me the fully realised character arc this book truly deserved :(( they could have had intertwined narrative parallels! the foil potential! cmon bardugo, am i gonna have to rewrite this book in my mind myself, or what?

[x0401x]

hiii so i was going through the VE tag and saw your posts about how much you dislike anime gilbert compared to novel gilbert; im so confused though about how you said he was shallow and a dick because i didn't get that vibe when i was watching? i liked the anime gilbert, and then when i read the novel, i just liked him even more. but it didnt make me hate the anime version. so i just wanted a breakdown of what anime gilbert did so wrong, thank you!

Okay, this sure took up a lot of time to reply to, so I’m sorry for answering so late! I tried to keep it simple, so keep in mind that there’s a lot more to unpack from anime-novel comparissons when it comes to VE. I just didn’t want to turn this into an essay, because that’s what it would’ve become otherwise.

I’ve broken down five main reasons why anime!Gilbert is an asshole if you put him side-by-side with novel!Gilbert. And I want first to stress out that I know the intention of the adaptation wasn’t to make him an asshole at all. The studio really seemed to believe they were doing it right, but it turned out as the same old “so close yet so far” thing. The director did say before that he had made changes to the original because the source material was “too righteous and orthodox”, so I guess novel!Gilbert was one of the “too righteous and orthodox” things that he deemed in need of alterations. Apparently, loving someone way above yourself is just not realistic if you’re a man and the other person is a woman (totally okay if it’s the other way around, though).

Anyway, here are the main negative points about anime!Gilbert (long post in-coming):

He only ever did the bare minimum for Violet.

KyoAni is hellbent on insisting, not just in the anime but also in episode summaries, the starter book and the official fanbook, as well as other medias, that Violet loved Gilbert because he was the “first person to be nice to her”. It makes me want to rip my hair off, because this means it could’ve been anyone. The novel states time and time again that it was fate, because Gilbert was the only character in the VE universe who would watch this monster-child brutally murder five men and still take her blood-covered hand and try to protect her. She was a kid being led to commit crimes by fucked-up adults, and even though there was a chance she might kill him too, he still wanted her to live, because she was ultimately innocent. He also wasn’t just “nice” to her. He tried to defend her from his brother for real. The hotel scene is actually very important and not having it takes away a lot of Gilbert’s weight in Violet’s life.

Other than that, he wasn’t shown doing even half the stuff he did for her in the novels. He constantly protected her from harassment, threw shade at any lesser officer who badmouthed her, tried to make it so that she wouldn’t have to risk herself too much during battle, often attempted to convince her into less reckless stunts, and was always the first and only one to rush to her aid. He personally took her meals to her bedroom and ate with her, arranged for her to have a room for herself, took her shopping for civilian clothes so that she could wear them after the war, and requested that her personal needs were seen by officers from the female division. He quit smoking because it made her cough, gave her his old clothes to wear when she grew out of her pajamas, took care of her whenever she fell ill from overworking, and the list goes on.

All of this aside, I think the most important was that he was always trying to bring out the human side of her. He was always testing out her interests in mundane things, and always wishing that she would show signs of having a personality. It didn’t have to be girly stuff; anything that didn’t have to do with him was fine. He often tried to instigate the humanity in her, because she was unquestionably human to him despite not knowing what being human even meant, and this is the most essential part of Gilbert in the Great War arc.

He didn’t care about her that much.

I know this might seem like a drastic claim. I mean, he did show that he cared for her, just not nearly enough, and quite certainly not as much as he cared about himself.

It starts with the fact that he let her into the military simply because his brother had already told everyone about her. Anime!Gil didn’t see her kill five people in that hotel. All that happened was Dietfried throwing at him the vaguest-ever argument that “this isn’t a child; it’s a weapon”. Like... that was literally all it took for him to send a ten-year-old amnesic, orphan girl who couldn’t understand the local language to a war that had been dragging itself on for several decades. In the men’s troops, no freaking less.

The eptome of anime!Gil’s fake selflessness is when he gets shot at the end of the war. When Violet takes him by the arm, he just... lets her carry him. She gets shot and shit, and she could very well have died (anyone explain to me how they managed to hit him in the head but not her even though they were walking so slowly), but he still clung onto her. He literally put his own life above hers.

A++++ parenting.

He was dry with her most of the time.

In the novel, Violet and Gilbert have a bond of respect and trust. In the anime, this bond is wholly one-sided. We don’t see this respect or trust from Gil’s perspective, and neither do we see any bigger signs of affection other than occasional guilty faces that show him regretting something, but don’t exactly make clear what it is. Does he feel guilty that he took her to war? If so, then he contradicts himself during certain moments. He literally thanks her for “always fighting so well” at one point and only refrains from finishing the sentence because he sees the bruises on her neck. Meanwhile, while novel!Gil asserts that she should have former recognition for her deeds (like ranks, medals and people’s well-earned respect), she should also not be in the battlefield at all because she’s just a child and constantly berates himself for keeping her there.

The dedication and devotion to her is also basically all gone. We don’t see him vowing to raise her as someone worthy of a flower goddess’s name, we don’t see him doing his best to make this happen, and we don’t see it happening until Violet is out of the hospital. Novel!Violet had a fame of grim reaper, witch and god of war because she was an extremely fierce and skilled killer. Anime!Violet is all over the place when she fights, slamming rifles into people’s faces and choosing hand-to-hand combat instead of having the common sense to fire the weapon she’s holding. There’s no such rumors about her other than that she’s “dangerous”, and she’s always injured, with her hair perpetually disheveled. She’s an absolute mess, making it impossible to forget for a single minute that she’s just a little girl being made to serve in the frontlines, and yet anime!Gil still pulls bullshit like “you fought good”.

He abandoned her to sheer luck.

As if the fake grave weren’t bad enough, he apparently offed to the woods without giving much of a fuck about her. In the novel, we see that Gil keeps aiming for higher positions in the military and to have as much power as he can so that he’ll have all the means possible to protect her. He might have been contacting Hodgins in the meantime, but this isn’t nearly enough to ensure her safety.

There’s a lot he had to do when it comes to Violet. Covering up her identity and making sure nobody tried to use her for killing ever again are examples. He also needed to be ready for whenever he had to go for her rescue, like in the case of the hijackin, so staying in the army was of utter importance. It was also important to show that this was a sacrifice he did for her, because all his responsibilities were pushed onto him due to Dietfried running away from them.

He is portrayed as being the complete opposite of her.

You might be wondering what this has to do with anything. It’s very obvious in the novel that Violet and Gilbert are mirrors in the novel. This also has to do with the fate thing: they’re basically one soul dwelling in two bodies. The two had keenly similar life stories where they went through different situations that were actually alike in essence and brought out the same results. This is basically the reason why Gil empathizes so hard with Violet and why he’s so insistent in allowing her to experience what he didn’t get to have. It’s not because he’s “righteous and orthodox”. It’s because he sees himself in her. She’s him, and he’s her. They’re one and the same at the core. But apparently a guy relating so much with a girl isn’t realistic either.

This is it (or more like a condensed version of it)! I hope it cleared things up.

[buttercupart]

absolutely massive shoutout to people who have everything for their oc stories fully planned out + outlined all in neat little documents. top tier respect but like CANNOT relate we are for real just out here, dumping fleeting thoughts and visions into the notes app/notepad on my computer and titling it "gsdhfgsjfgsfks" and never ever touching it again. im left with only the vaguest sense of where most of my stories were going now but thats fine cause im way too busy indulging myself in oc crossover la la land to actually care. i imagine sparrow and paz on a stroll through the woods while birdwatching and talking about trauma and im like “oh thats mint thats absolutely class lad” i care about nothing else by this point. 

...on god i forgot where i was going with this. anyways i dont know whats going on w/ anything at this point everyone is simply just vibing