#i have the internet but why make patching such a bother

[nerozane]

150GBs???? Seriously???

[igotanidea]

Too hot to handle: Jason Todd x reader

SMUT MDNI!

As usual sorry for all the typos, grammar mistakes etc. I really had to post it XD

***

Y/N was fuming.

For no reason at all, falling down the internet hole, she found herself on some stupid forum for stupid horny women who couldn't keep it in their pants.

Clearly those bitches were getting hot and bothered for Red Hood, shamelessly sharing their dirty thoughts and comments on some parts of his body and the things he'd let him do if--

Fuck.

She could have Tim or Babs trace their IP addresses in a second and could pay them a visit of a very possessive, angered and super jealous girlfriend.

Her hands were almost itching to write a few spicy comments herself, spilling the beans of whose body Red Hood was touching almost every night. Whose lips he was devouring. Whose most sensitive parts he was tasting with his tongue, begging for as much as a drop of sweetness. Whose moans and gasps he got to hear, whose voice was his drug, whose curves he was worshiping on his knees.

Obviously, she couldn't do that, but the thought of Jason's muscled body on top of her, his hands tracing her skin and joining her in the intimate dance had a side effect seeping through her panties. 

She needed him. 

With the need that could not be satisfied with her fingers or even the toys she had stacked safely in the locked bottom drawer.

Jason ...

Come home...

Can't you sense how much I want you now...

She almost prayed to the moon on the sky to bring her lover back to her. 

***

That little tingling on his skin was something new and as much as he hated to put the thought into words, it was like a spider-sense. The one of Y/N’s second favorite self-appointed hero – spiderman.

Y/n…

Was that feeling because she was in danger?

Did someone hurt her? Did anyone dare lay a finger on his precious girl?

Jason gritted his teeth, clenching fists, anger at a purely potential enemy flooded his brain.

It was a quiet night either way, giving him a perfect opportunity to take a quick detour and check on his angel. Just a look and assurance that she was safe, to help him keep going and push him through all the shit and doubts.

Y/n….

***

He did not expect her to sit in front of Netflix at 2 am. She had work in the morning so why on earth was she watching the series?

“Hey!” he called, probably a little bit too loud, causing her to jump on the couch and almost drop the mug. “Sorry…”

“Next time give me a heads up, will you?” she muttered with a pout.

“Um- okay. What’s with the attitude?”

“Nothing.” Y/N scoffed angrily, turning back to the TV.

“Can I please get my girlfriend back? You know, the other one? Nice and caring? The one who would ask me if I’m hurt or maybe need patching or a post-patrol kiss?” Jason teased moving in front of the screen, successfully blocking it from her view. “Wait… Y/N, are you watching “Too hot to handle?" His laugh filled the room, because honestly that might have been the funniest thing in the whole week. His serious, a bit reserved, goody-two-shoes girl had her eyes on the show about horny singles.

“Shut up…”

“Oh, I will most definitely not shut up about it. Are you hinting at something, here? Cause you know, you don’t need a show like this if—” he switched a little, coming closer and leaning over her silhouette on the couch

“Shut up, Jason!”

“Whoa!” his hands raised in feigned surrender “someone’s feisty today, aren’t you?”

“I’m not feisty. I’m furious!”

“At what?”

“Girls!”

“Wait, what?” Jason frowned “I am confused.

“Girls! Women! The ones who are trying to bang and –”

“I thought you liked banging?” he sent her a knowing smirk

“Jason!”

 “Come on, sunshine, you cannot hide that blush.” He pointed out, brushing fingers over her reddened cheeks, raising her head so she had to look into his eyes “What’s gotten into you? Tell me the truth.”

“Stupid internet.”

“Mhm. Okay. Care to elaborate?”

“Did you know the girls are getting hot for the Red Hood on some stupid forum?”

“Nope. Did not. But… did it make you jealous?” he smirked, expecting her to deny and squirm in embarrassment that he accused her of such low feelings.

“Yeah…” Much to his surprise, she decided to be honest. It truly was a strange night. “Yeah, I was. Jealous and furious. Hence the “Too hot to handle” marathon.”

“Hm? Can’t see the correlation.”

“It’s so shallow and selfish and mean, but – the show is so silly and most possibly fabricated. I may, or may not have been trying to diminish women who are openly horny….?” Her voice became barely audible at the end, as if she was ashamed to admit her own .

“Oh, you silly little one.” Jason laughed, pulling her onto his lap and brushing hair out of her forehead. “You could have led with that.” His lips brushed over her forehead

“Hm? What do you mean?”

“You should have told me, that coming across girls leching over me-“

“Over Red Hood!” she interrupted and he only laughed again.

“Over me” he underlined  “- got your knickers in a twist.”

“It did not!”

Great, now she was trying to deny it. Too bad it was too late and he was in the mood for the games anymore. He felt the need to assure her that she was the one, though also expressing appreciation for said open horniness and for a little bit of jealousy. It made his ego soar.

“Didn’t it?” he teased, grabbing onto her waist and laying her on her back, hovering over her, moving fingers up her leg, until it reached the hem of her sleeping shorts. “Maybe I should check myself then?”

His hand brushed over the inside of her thigh, causing her to let out a sharp exhale.

“Oh, right… My little minx is not wearing panties at all. So it seems like you have been telling the truth after all. You did not get them in a twist…”

He leaned forward, pressing his lips to her, a sudden sweet distraction allowing him to yank those silly little shorts down, exposing her want without any care in the world. Opening her legs and wrapping them on his waist, without breaking the kiss for even a second, Jason pressed his weight on her, distributing it evenly on his forearms, to not crash her.

“Mmm. Tease.”

“And you love every second of it.” He smirked, grinding against her core, sacrificing his favorite tactical pants to her warmth and wetness. Not much of an exorbitant price for what was waiting at the finish line.

And even though it was just the beginning of the marathon, they were already gasping heavily, grasping onto each other, pulling each other closer and closer. She was so needy and he loved it. The more bothered she was, the easier it got for him to end on the winner’s podium. His cock was hardening by a second, making it almost painful to be kept in the pants, but he was holding back.

“Jason…” she moaned, reaching down his torso, sneaking hand under the waistband.

“Not yet, baby.” All she got in return was her hands pinned above her head in a very vulnerable position, completely at his mercy. And to add to it all, Jason lips attached to her pulse point, sucking the sensitive skin, making sure to leave a dark purple hickey. The one she wouldn’t be able to cover easily. “Not yet…” the grip on her wrists faltered for a second, but not enough to allow her to break free.

Jason was skillful and knew exactly what he was doing.  Feeding her with the false hope of freedom only for a second, only to grab her hands in one hand, using the other to roll her sleeping shirt up, exposing her breasts, but not taking it off fully.

“Hello, lovelies…” he muttered, before diving between her tits, getting the arching back and multiple sounds of pleasure in return. “Yeah… keep those sounds coming, baby…”

His lips traced a scorching path down her cleavage, making her want skyrocket, smirking upon the feeling of her legs tightening on his waist and her hips grinding against her jeans.

“Not yet.” He commanded again, pressing her back flat onto the couch. “Not yet…” his eyes flashed with something primal and animalistic. There was something devilishly turning on with having her naked under him, while he didn’t shed a single piece of clothing. And he was going to exploit that opportunity to the maximum.

With a quiet laugh that sounded almost sinful, Jason bent down and traced tongue over the flesh of her soft, warm breast, purposefully avoiding the little pink button that was begging for his attention. Yes, his ego was skyrocketing upon hearing her cries of pleasure and broken gasps of his name on her swollen lips, followed by the flexing of her body against his touch.

Yes, he might have been acting a little dominant, but they both knew it was not going to go on forever. 

Deep inside Jason was sweet and romantic, definitely putting soft, tender lovemaking over hard and rough sex.

And really, it didn’t take him long to give in to her pleadings and entreaties, moving lips to her nipple, sucking and biting on it gently.

“Oh yes!” she cried out, closing her eyes and from that moment things started taking on the pace. Jason groaned from the sensation of her breast in his mouth, letting go of her wrists, allowing her hands to tangle in his hair, only adding to the feelings burning inside his chest and groin. Abandoning lavishing attention on her chest, he guided her hands to the hem of his shirt and with  interlaced fingers and eyes never faltering from each other’s face they pulled it over his head, exposing his toned upper body, covered with fresh bruises and cuts.

“So you are hurt…” she whispered, touching the pads of her fingers to the newest purple mark on his pec.

“I didn’t notice…” his voice was deep, calming and full of adoration “All I notice right now is you…” he grabbed her hand pressing it to his lips, kissing all over her knuckles.

“Then come feel me too…” she moved upwards, pressing her lips to his, wanting to feel that chapped warmth on hers. And once their mouths met it was a sensation incomparable with anything else. Ironically (or not) making out like this, with their entwined bodies, separated only by the material of his pants, slowly, tenderly, focused only on each other, leaving the whole world behind was turning her on more than actual penetration.

Which did not mean she didn’t want to go all the way.

“Is it time yet?” she whispered, with a little bit of teasing in her voice, breaking the kiss only for a second.

“You are ruining the moment, sunshine.” He chuckled, tracing kisses up her cheek, all the way to her ear, softly biting on her earlobe, causing more tickling than actual pain. Y/N responded with a little chuckle as well, cupping his cheek, bringing his lips back to hers once more. Without breaking the making out for even one second, Y/N removed his belt and undid the button on his pants. Then, with a few kicks and swings of legs, they managed to set him free from his confines, finally feeling each other from head to toe.

“How’s your jealousy doing now…?” he teased, guiding himself to her entrance, grabbing onto her waist, rolling his fingers in tiny circles on her sensitive skin.

“Who’s ruining the moment now?”

“No idea. Who?” he chuckled. It was so good being with her like this. In the moment of intimacy, that was meaningful but deprived of the seriousness that could ruin the tenderness. Perfect mix of softness and love, seasoned with a bit of well balanced humor and  sarcasm that bonded them in the first place. “You ready for me, baby?”

“So ready.” She smiled, shifting and squirming to allow him to slide inside better and maximize the pleasure of unity for them both.

“Mh. Hello there…” he smirked and without missing a bit started to move inside her. Slowly, but intensely. Building up and drawing the tension. Moving hands on her body in time with the thrusts, fueling the fire that was meant to warm but not burn. “Is this what you wanted?” he looked at her face searching for the answers behind those e/c eyes, filled with longing and devotion.  

“Yeah… Good thing you helped me realize what it was that I wanted…” she started matching his movements, kissing him again.

The tension between their bodies was building slowly and steadily. There was no rush. They had all the time in the world, that suddenly shrunk to only them two.

Jason and Y/n.

Y/n and Jason.

Together.

Connecting seamlessly, with bodies joined and heart beating only for one another. Creating their own bubble of beauty and wonder in the darkness and danger of Gotham.

“I love you…” he muttered, leaning forehead on hers, needing to say those words before everything turn into the blur and haze due to the slowly approaching tidal wave of climax.

“I love you…” she responded, feeling the exact same need, knowing well enough that those three little words exchanged before the post-bliss was far more meaningful and far more true.

***

“How’s the hate on horny women doing now?” he muttered against her hair, some time later. It could have been minutes as well as hours cause once they busted the pleasure door open time suddenly became relative and meaningless.

“Hm? What women? Wait a second. Are you really trying to tell me there are other women somewhere?’ she looked at him with a tease, raising an eyebrow playfully. “I am fairly convinced there are only you and me. No other men or women anywhere.”

“Hm… What I’m hearing is that I’m the only guy in the world for you?”

“It depends on—”

“Because sure as hell you are the only woman for me.” He added quickly, knowing what her condition was. “And no silly internet forum or contestant of so-called hot, naughty Netflix show could change it.”

“You got soft, Red Hood.” She smiled, nuzzling into his chest and placing a little kiss on his chest, close to his heart

“I can be hard when it counts, though.” His heart picked up the pace as her lips touched his skin “Honestly I can be anything you may need from me.”

“How about we both stay ourselves?”

“Works for me.”

Jason's arms wrapped around her pulling her to his chest for more and more aftercare and cuddles. It was a quiet night after all and he could indulge in some time with his beloved Y/N.

[dnfao3tags]

Monthly Fic Roundup - December 2023

an end to an...interesting year ! and the beginning of hopefully even more interesting one

make sure to leave some love because thats what fuels this fandom :]

— no more fucks given 2023 daily fic advent by alisonsomething, dizzy, Scoops (consciousness_streaming)

not entirely dnf but has a whole bunch of goodies! check them all out.

— calico by indigoh (teen | comp. | 22k)

On the eve of Dream's 24th birthday, Patches goes missing. And it's all George's fault.

— sticky situation with you by boneblanket (expl. | comp. | 5k)

In the beginning of spring, half a year into living together, their relationship still toes the line between routine and rupture. George isn’t bothered by it, but he isn’t satisfied either. He isn’t the only one struggling.

Part 1 of heaven knows

— you play it back (time moves too fast) by jack_not_found (teen | comp. | 6k)

winter weather foils dream's plans for their first anniversary, but george refuses to let that stop them from celebrating

— give you my wild by furculaed (teen | comp. | 6k | mpreg)

When George thinks of kids, he thinks of the dinner table.

— WARNING: no lifeguard on duty. swim at your own risk by sappymix1 (teen | comp. | 10k)

Dream is a witch new to LA and George is a cursed siren he finds living in a swimming pool.

— hit the brakes my mistake by cqfnce (teen | comp. | 5k)

dream and george are soulmates- best friends since they were young, but separated by an ocean. meeting in person is all they've ever wanted- but will it change their friendship?

— to new beginnings by hardtofindneuro (teen | comp. | 33k)

George tells his family he's dating Dream to get them off his back. Then, Dream shows up at his doorstep.

— The Best Bad Idea by gottagetshiver (teen | comp. | 13k)

in which Dream tags along with George to his family Christmas where George finally opens up about his first kiss, he and Dream try and fail to help with readying the house for the holidays, and Dream endears himself to anyone within earshot. Oh, and they have to share George's childhood bed.

— i built a home for you, for me (a place i don't feel alone) by brokenlikeastitch (teen | comp. | 28k)

Dream and George's Christmases together over the years.

— All About The Wedding by sageafk (expl. | comp. | 10k)

Dream usually uses George's name to avoid doxxing at hotels and restaurants. But the hotel calls and says they need to know why the name on his card and reservation are different, and Dream panics and tells them that he and George are married.

— make a scene (it's your set) by dangergranger, shadeofblue (jarofhearts) (expl. | wip | 51k+)

George goes partying, sleeps with a guy named Clay, and takes an adorable selfie with his cat that kinda breaks the internet. A few days later, Dream enters the picture.

— when the clock hits zero (will you be mine) by justcallme_m (teen | comp. | 15k)

Dream meets George at a New Year’s Party and falls hard in one night.

— Arizona Green Tea by pondsofkoi (teen | comp. | 20k)

george has a crush on the baritone captain

[metamatar]

i appreciate ur semi pedantic additions!! i almost always learn things from them. i am autistic though so pedantry rarely bothers me, but!! i do still really appreciate your additions wrt fruit picking, the state of open insulin, etc, and i think they're important to add and you phrase those additions in ways that don't undermine the arguments of the original posts which is a rare skill!!

im cursed with can't let people be wrong on the internet in front of me.

i've mentioned this before but i find the relationship many people have with technology both fascinating and frustrating. tech is simultaneously capable of all the miracles in the ad copy but also all those miracles were actually very easy. there's very little sense of the relative extent to which problems are easy or hard, what counts as a breakthrough and whether those breakthroughs are even generalisable to other problems.

i dont think these really require expert knowledge – say autonomous driving – if you have played with the camera in your phone and then break down all the decisions a driver makes while you drive has you'd immediately understand why that is much harder than an aircraft autopilot and why a camera only sensor suite is dangerous.

people often confuse the actual availability of bathtub-ish hrt with a hypothetical bathtub insulin. think about delivery – you can get birth control in so many forms, injectable, oral, patches. insulin still has to be injected! this is suggestive! looking at how synthetic ethinylestradiol (most common estrogen) is produced vs a biologic like insulin is produced immediately makes clear why these are different problems.

to be clear this relationship is one manufactured by breathless venture capital and the increasing enclosure of science and technological literacy behind paywalls. tech journalism is really bad and basically about access and selling products now.

[captainclickycat]

My actually-controversial internet opinion is that people need to stop being dicks about people who let their cats go outdoors. No, really.

So this isn't even me saying "don't try to persuade people to keep their cats indoors". I think educating people about that is absolutely a worthwhile goal. There are many good and solid reasons to keep your cat indoors. I also do not want to play a game of Traffic Roulette where I have to just accept that my little friend might one day just get hit by a car and die or wander off and disappear forever and I'm supposed to just be cool with that happening. And yeah, I fully agree that it's weird and annoying that this is somehow considered an unreasonable stance to take about your beloved pet. I also understand that concepts like domestic cats making a considerable dent in bird populations and potentially spreading viruses are issues that should be seriously taken into account and not just brushed off as "oh well, what can you do."

However.

So first of all, let's imagine a scenario here. Let's say that someone sees all these arguments on the internet, and they think "hey yes, they have some very salient points. Maybe I should start keeping my cat indoors from now on."

...so they try to put this into practise. They make sure all the doors are shut, seal off all possible escape routes, and do their best to convey to little Billy that he doesn't get to play in the garden anymore, for his own safety.

And Billy doesn't like that. He gets stressed and bored and restless. He spends a considerable amount of time just standing in front of the door yelling his head off, obviously desperate to go out, even though they're doing their best to entertain him. He gains a troubling amount of weight. He starts over-grooming himself to the point where he has bald patches. They try putting him on a lead, but he obviously hates the lead and spends the whole time chewing on it or trying to wriggle out of it. It's clear that this transition is causing him a not-inconsiderable amount of distress.

So obviously, Billy's human is very concerned by this. They understand why it's not a good idea to go back to letting their cat roam around unsupervised outdoors, but they can also see their cat is severely stressed and struggling to adjust and they wouldn't have the first idea of how to make it better. Furthermore, this person has grown up with cats themselves, and the notion that it's unethical to let cats go outdoors is completely new to them. And it's not just a new idea, it's basically the antithesis to what they were always taught. From their point of view, for the vast majority of their life it was considered cruel, maybe even a little irresponsible, to not let your cat go outdoors.

As in, if you said to someone that you wanted to keep your cat indoors all the time, they would basically react in the same way they would if you said that you wanted to try to feed your cat a vegetarian diet. Like oh gosh, of course I respect your decision, but don't you think that maybe that's going against their nature and it would be a lot healthier for them if you let them go out. And as much as the judgemental Tumblr crowd don't like to admit it, those people also think they're looking out for the welfare of people's pets. They're not thinking "oh well, I'm just not going to bother doing the extra work it takes to look after an indoor cat; I'd rather just leave it all in god's hands and if something happens oh well", they're thinking "My cat's happiness and wellbeing matters more than my personal anxieties, that's why I'm not going to be overprotective and instead I'll let them have their outdoor enrichment time."

Anyway, sidenote...so I realise this has turned into a tediously long post, and I have a habit of rambing at length in a slightly annoying way when I latch on to a topic. That being said, in this case it really is important to me that people actually read the points I'm making before trying to debate my post with me. So I'm going to request that if anyone wants to argue or even just generally debate with me about this topic, they preface whatever they're saying with the word "Obelix". As in, "Obelix: I disagree with you because blah blah blah." I'm not promising I'll engage with you even if you say the code word, because that's not actually my job, but I'm definitely going to ignore you if you don't say Obelix. Also if you message me on anon. Sorry if you're just doing it because you're shy or whatever, but if I have no idea who you are I have no reason to assume good faith and I'm not going to listen to you.

Anyway! All that aside. When it comes down to it, transitioning from letting your cat roam to keeping them indoors is a big transition, and will involve some very specific - and potentially expensive - accommodations. That's not to say it's not a worthwhile endeavour, but as much as shouty motherfuckers on the internet might be loath to admit it, there's a lot more to it than just "Oh my god, if you would take the time to ACTUALLY TAKE CARE OF YOUR PET, this WOULDN'T BE A PROBLEM!!"

And when you actually consult more official sources (such as your local vet, or registered animal welfare charities) the response you get is often liable to be a lot more even-handed. A lot of sources will outright advise you to let your cat have time outdoors if keeping them inside is proving stressful for them and all other possibilities have been exhausted.

And again, that doesn't mean that every argument for keeping them indoors is null and void, or that these issues can't be worked around or accommodated!

What it does mean though is that I think maybe it's time to ask yourself what you really hope to achieve by going on the internet to say over and over and over again that they're the scum of the earth, that they're a sadistic animal abuser, that they secretly hate their cat because they let it go outdoors. And, ultimately, to consider the possibility that when people are presented with the options of "listen to a professional vet, or registered animal welfare charity" or "listen to a snarky tumblr post written by some stranger", they're not actually being all that unreasonable if they choose the former.

If you want to persuade more people to keep their cats indoors, you can actually do the work involved in giving them the information and resources that might make it a feasible possibility. Talk them through the reasons for doing it in a level-headed way. Give them links to reliable sources and websites that talk them through all the ways that they might be able to make this a feasible possibility. Keep a clear head and take the time to patiently explain to them why it's a better option, even if it seems like it should be obvious, even if you feel strongly about it, even if you personally have been presented with these ideas and it seems a little unbelievable that it might be someone else's first time being presented with them. Yelling at people about how awful they are for not just knowing this from the beginning might feel cathartic for you, but there's no guarantee that it's going to have any concrete effect other than getting you written of as a judgemental arsehole.

Stop being a dick.

[siriannatan]

Empires Business Group - Chapter 4/4

And the whole fic is out. Not too bad of an end for something I came up and wrote on pretty much the same day :}

The whole secret relationship went great. They met up on Saturdays and Sundays, but never slept over at each other's places. fWhip even went as far as to ‘disguise’ himself with a hat and sunglasses when they were out. He was pretty well known.

Or at least it all seems to be great until on the morning of the first day after Scott's heat. A gloomy and rainy Thursday. Scott and fWhip were called into a meeting with fWhip's grandfather. 

fWhip's parents were apparently also present. Looking very unhappy as they whispered to each other.

Without saying anything grandfather pushed a colourful newspaper towards them as soon as they sat down. On the front page, it was them holding hands at an amusement park. fWhip's face was frankly barely visible or recognisable but the headline did mention him specifically.

‘Future CEO of Empires Group in a secret relationship?’

fWhip instantly glanced at his parents. His father looked pretty smug. “Oh no, friends having fun on their day off, whatever will we do,” fWhip joked dryly. 

“It has pictures that make it apparent it's not just a friendship,” fWhip's mother interjected.

“Quiet,” his grandfather said and the room fell silent. “It was only published today but director Major was indisposed last weekend…” he stopped and waited for a reaction.

“Meaning someone waited until I'd be back in the office to leak to this rag?” Scott proposed in his usual blunt manner. “Probably someone who really doesn't like me,” he added looking over the pictures featured. All of them could be argued it wasn't fWhip with him.

fWhip sighed. “Mom, dad, why? I mean, who else would be so against me being happy?” He asked.

“That's not why I called you here,” Grandfather cut the discussion. “fWhip, starting tomorrow you're the new head of the electronics division, director Major… I regret to say I can't have my future grandson-in-law be a director but you may stay until a fitting replacement has been found,” he said, stunning everyone. “I'm not going to act like we don't approve. The public already knows it'd be a bad look,” he huffed and looked at his son and his wife. “I warned you to not meddle I fWhip's private life, you're both hereby no longer part of this family,” he finished and left. 

fWhip's parents, as expected, followed after him to argue. Leaving fWhip and Scott stunned. “Scott I'm so sorry about…”

“About what? I knew that once our relationship was out I'd have to quit when I agreed to date you in secret. It's a bit sooner than expected but… I'm counting on you being a good and responsible alpha here,” Scott shrugged and gave fWhip a very cute smile.

“You… you'll be the death of me,” fWhip sighed as he hugged Scott. “And I promise to be the best alpha ever.”

By the time they returned the whole building knew about the changes. And saw the article be it in the newspaper or the internet.

Scott easily handled getting the department under control. “Shouldn't you guys be happy I'm leaving? Not immediately, but once a suitable replacement has been found?” He huffed with a glare. Who knew how long that would take, remained unsaid.

Them being official also meant they had to move in together. It'd be a bad look for the family otherwise. So they wasted no time on that. fWhip was more than happy to share a bed with Scott.

“You know what this means?” Scott asked on their first evening in the same bed.

“Not a clue,” fWhip honestly didn't know what Scott meant.

Scott giggled and shook his head. Then he removed his scent block patches. Sighing in relief. And then leaned in, to whisper into fWhip's ear. “You can mark me, and we can never bother with these ever again,” fWhip shuddered, this was certainly a nice thought. “Why aren't you marking me yet, go on,” Scott encouraged with a giggle. And who was fWhip to deny him anything?

*Few months later*

“Come on fWhip get up,” Scott shook his still slumbering alpha. Don't get him wrong, he'd love having fWhip's all to himself the whole day. But sadly there was a small meeting his handsome, responsible husband had to deal with at work. “We can cuddle the whole day why you're back, come on,” he patted fWhip back as he mumbled something.

“Five more minutes?” fWhip asked as he rolled over to lay on his back.

“No, get up, I already let you stay here long enough,” Scott shook his head.

fWhip sighed and got out of bed. Scott was the only person he'd never argue with. “Why must there be a meeting right on the day before our cycle starts?” He whined as he put on his suit. Scott was nice enough to pick one out for him.

“It's not here yet so no arguing,” Scott scolded him from the bed. He looked so nice and cuddly. fWhip sighed, saddened he had to leave.

Scott just shook his head. “You didn't wake up when I first asked so no kisses until you're back,” he reminded and went to the bathroom.

fWhip chuckled. He loved Scott so much he couldn't be angry at him. Instead, he'd be angry at the board of directors. Who were they to think why can annoy their CEO?

[jandiaries]

“go eat your greens”

powerpoint revolution presents pretty privilege

You are pretty and pretty much privileged, you are in no position to tell us about the inequalities surrounding in this world.

once upon a time, in a place where we both stand... “this is so wrong, we should change this” the pretty girl said. but little did she know...

close your eyes, free your thoughts and imagine cassie from euphoria. she wakes up, removes her bath and body works eye patch, goes to her huge bathroom to begin her fifteen steps morning skin care routine she learned from a Korean beauty vlogger Song Hyo Min aka prettypinkpossum12.

after that lengthy procedure she goes down to have her plant based breakfast. she tells everyone that she’s vegan but she eats cheeseburger whenever she likes. there she goes, posting on her instagram story a bowl of yogurt and whatever mixed veggies. for the final touch, she put the hashtag “go eat your greens” but she did not even touch that fucking salad.

her life isn’t complex. she’s born privileged, a nepo baby, she gets whatever she wants. a twitter activist but her activism just stays on that blue bird app. a fake feminist who only cares about her body type, an influencer on tiktok who was once cancelled for mocking android users but pretty girl just pulled off a macarthur and returned unharmed with a different username. she also posts “support small business!” via ig story but that’s just her rich friend’s shop selling overpriced crochet bucket hats. lastly, she’s pretty. she could do no wrong in the eyes of society. she’s aware of her privilege but never admits it. like spoiled crazy claiming she’s a self made baby. i don’t like her but most of all i don’t like her principles.

she goes to a school where according to her, “everybody likes her, haters just wanted to live her life”. she acts as if she’s a modern day regina george. just with the additional cup of slay (admittedly) and bad attitude (oh boy). her overwhelming confidence is her female rizz. she only cares about herself. ironically, on that day, she was set to present a lecture about The Changing World (and what can we do about it).

she doesn’t even know anything. she is out of touch privileged, the worst type. she thinks she’s smart because she knows conspiracy theories, basic algebra, memorized amy dune’s cool girl monologue and the tiktok sped up chorus of enchanted in one sitting. what makes her stupid is the fact that she pretends to know but in fact she doesn’t know a thing. she’s either unaware or she doesn’t simply care because it doesn’t directly affect her, her status, her lifestyle, her everyday life.

she screams politically correct. the truth is, she’s just pretty pretentious. she’s like a break free manipulative female character reject from ottessa moshfegh stories. (oh shit)

she tells everyone to shift to a plant based diet because meat harms nature but is an avid fast fashion consumer. if i had the extra money i would love to print her a statement shirt “practice what you preach” with “because i can’t do it” in lowercase.

but there she goes with her powerpoint revolution, i mean presentation, condemning everyone for their carbon footprints... condemning everyone except herself.

—  

I always find it funny when the rich get to talk about Change. While they actually have the power to do so, it just seems like an airy idea. They don’t get to tell the actual story. They only have an internet perspective of what it’s like to be oppressed. If they want to change, they will only move to the parts that will be beneficial to them. As Edith from Enola Holmes has said “because you have no interest in changing a world that suits you so well”. Exactly. Why would they bother to change their perfect world and lives?

While you try to tell everyone about your perspective of good, you should take into consideration that not everyone has the privilege to just abruptly change their lifestyle. You have to acknowledge that you stand in a special place of privilege to do that.

I once read that the idea of a "personal carbon footprint" was popularized by BP, the world's 6th largest polluter. I have been thinking about it ever since. Big companies can evade responsibility by saying Hey girl, slow down on what you consume you’re destroying Mother Earth but here I am emitting a potent greenhouse gas. Same energy as that pretty girl. Politically correct people mostly come from privileged lives. They can seem to see all the disparity in society because they don’t have daily societal struggles. Girl, they can see the most absolute shit and still advocate for it. Pick a struggle Miss Ma’am. Like why would the marginalized care so much about free speech or eradicating plastic straws when they are struggling for survival on a daily. 

Then we blame them. For not understanding, for not cooperating, for not caring, for every reason possible. 

All we have produced over the years are all band-aid solutions. Global Warming? Quit plastic straws. Air Pollution? Switch to almond milk. Climate change? Recycle your Pepsi bottle. It’s not wrong. At least they’re doing something. Yeah. But it does not hit the core of the problem. It’s all becoming an individual responsibility. I wish this pretty girl and her likes just devoted their energy and wealth to demanding accountability from mega oil companies and other pollution-contributing corporations rather than giving a boring PowerPoint lecture about Claygo. Clean as you go, she said. You should’ve just shut up.

Maybe this other girl let her intrusive thoughts win. She stood up and said, “Shut up”. The pretty girl was stunned, puzzled but later on gave a mocking smirk. She then proceeded to tell everyone in that lecture room how she felt disrespected, blah... blah... blah... I guess this is it. Everyone went quiet when the other girl went in front and said  “You are pretty and pretty much privileged, you are in no position to tell us about the inequalities surrounding this world. We know who you are. Stop faking your principles.”

I paused.

This scene reminds me so much of the catfights in Euphoria. I told the girl beside me.

"Because the pretty girl looked like Cassie?”

"No.”

"Then why?”

“Cause it’s a cultural reset.”

-jan, thoughtballoon

November 19, 2022

Cover Design:  Pickles by ERIKA LEE SEARS  Graphics: Canva, Pinterest

[threenorth]

Let's start at the bottom.

Yellow, Peace of mind? No mental health is important my dear, we both have struggles, it's going to be an interesting one... Especially now I'm learning more about my issues and I tell you what it kind of makes sense why I couldn't explain alot to you at the time, but I'd rather be in pain the you, but at the moment, I'm thinking about different things and I'd hate to say what some of them are until we talk more about things...

Black bottom right, I was supposed to ask you out? That didn't cross my mind,

I'll build a bridge, but I don't know how to say.

Let's go on a date via the internet, but to the movies, and hopefully you still have the movie Forrest Gump or Scott Pilgram, or a way I don't know if Scott is still on Netflix usa, but you should hopefully some how have the crap copy I gave you..? , that might be better..? and we can watch it together... If anything I'd tell you that I want to try see you everyday but it's going to be a grind... And you shouldn't stay up for me, again your mental health is important to me, so message me where ever it is you want and hopefully we can find a time that suits... I've got doctors, and mental health appointments and work and few gaps but we'll make it work...

Black left 2 up, you wish I was more honest?

About what? My mental health challenges? I didn't really want to trumaize you, or put through my shit... Then or even now post 2021...But I'd be honest if you tell me where I need to shed some light?

Black right 2 up, that night? The fight? If you didn't make a noise I was going to go full ham on that asshole, but I didn't want to put you in harm's way, so I tried to tell you what I needed and follow his game of my mental health at the time...

Black 3 up left, you can't hate me? You really should it's not like all your freinds you tell them you hate me last time I checked, so good luck trying to patch those issues because I'm not looking forward to the verbal abuse or a slap in the face from one of your girlfriends, it's not like my truma is around bullying and people who robbed my childhood and youth.

Black 3 up right, yes you are the only person I've ever felt anything for, I told you once and I'll say it again, all I wanted was your happiness, I just didn't know I too was looking for my own and would have to be dealing with depression and grief, I forgot I kicked you out of my life... And I've had issues around living my life on auto pilot per say, maybe I've been and had on/off depression since I was four and 1/2.

Top black left, I like you when you hold my hand, Iike it when I catch you day dreaming in my eyes, I like it when you wore tank tops, I like it when you asked me about changing your hair colour and it didn't even bother me what hair colour you had, I like it when your some how with me, I go alone to battle but soon I'll get a ring with a special message, maybe that will be the day you'll be a step closer but always be near my heart.

There's much that could feel of you, I don't know what your looking for as we don't talk anymore but one of the worst things I do, is follow everything best I can to what people tell me to do, I am a dog, I am loyal but I can't even follow my own thoughts... I probably was stuck in a manic on off state with axenity for years...even when it's dim some how I pull through... Soon I hope you come to vist me... My bed is half empty without you in it. And I'm looking forward to dating my old best friend, she's smart and worst of all she's beautiful.

I'll warn you that I might have to take notes.

Today was Sunday I woke up and had a shower, I went to church pretty yawn, and then just had a snack and went to have a bath, dinner and now I'm getting reday for bed early as it's going to be an early start to go to the cross fit gym.

[saal-school-project]

Part 2

6th grade

In 6th grade, I changed schools, so I didn't have many friends for the first few months, but my notebooks kept me company. I might sound like a loser here, but bear with me. I was really into horror games, movies, and stories back then, and it was around the creepypasta craze, so it didn't take long for me to join in on that too. (Creepypastas are short horror stories on the internet, btw), but keep in mind that I still didn't know any English, so my options were limited to whatever was available in Turkish, which wasn't much at all. So soon I ran out of actual creepypastas to read, and I was left with whatever self-insert romance fanfiction was written about the creepypasta characters. Great, now I'm admitting my dark past for a school project. To be honest, I don't regret it because the lack of good content available in Turkish eventually led to me learning English. There were a lot of creepypastas based on video game characters. I liked watching horror game let's play on YouTube, and I was really proud when I managed to pirate Minecraft to my mom's phone (admitting crimes now). So by extension, I got interested in video games in general, so in the summer of 6th grade, I decided to become a REAL GAMER by making a Steam account and buying some games. I also bought an ininal card because I didn't feel like convincing my mom to use her credit card. I exactly transferred 50 TL to my card and, after some not-so-thorough research, decided to buy the following games: Undertale because people recommended it to me; Hollow Knight because I'm a big fan of 2D animation; Don't Starve Together because I don't remember why; and Deus Ex: Human Revolution because I got leftover money and it was on a really big sale, so my cousin urged me to buy it.

I would try to play these games throughout the 6th grade's summer, but there were some problems. First of all, none of these games are in Turkish (I'm not sure, but that's what I remember; I'm too lazy to check). That fact didn't really matter for games like Hollow Knight and Don't Starve Together (as there wasn't much of a story), but it mattered for Undertale. Oh, I know, I could just use a Turkish patch (unofficial translation); it's not that I couldn't figure out how to do it. It's just that the game recently got a new update, and the patch didn't work with that update. As for the other games, Hollow Knight was pretty hard for a kid who never really played any proper video game other than Minecraft. On top of that, I didn't have a controller at the time, so I had to play it with the puny keyboard my laptop had, and that made it unplayable for me. As for the other two, I didn't like them very much. There was a learning curve to Don't Starve Together, and it just felt like Minecraft without the creative mode (which happens to be the part I like the most). I didn't even bother checking out Deus Ex because I randomly bought it and I don't like first-person shooters. So much so for becoming a gamer, I guess. But one day, while still in the summer holiday, there was a problem with the wifi for a few days, and it really got boring. So I played the games I downloaded before to kill time. I started playing Undertale. I looked up the words I didn't know (which were the majority of them) in a dictionary or something, and I wrote them down along with their meanings in one of my journals. I was pretty used to writing thanks to school being so boring, so my hand never really got tired of writing pages and pages of words. and I really took a liking to the game too! It took me a long time to beat it since I literally had to pause to write some words for every single dialog line, but I enjoyed it, so it didn't feel like a chore. Eventually, our wifi came back, but I continued playing. I also started watching more English content. I watched Lele Pons again, something I'm not proud to admit, but the lightness of the language used in her videos made it perfect material for a beginner like me. I also texted with the cleverbot. Lately, the chatbots are much more advanced, so Cleverbot isn't so clever anymore compared to them. I can't remember why exactly, but cleverbot had something to do with creepypastas I think. like there was a correlation between Cleverbot and Ben Drowned (a creepypasta character) for some reason? It's been years; I don't remember.

 I talked with the bot so much that I could literally predict what they would say with 99% accuracy, so it became boring, and I stopped talking to them. By the end of that summer, I had replayed Undertale for a different route and, for the first time, noticed that I could actually understand what it said without having to look anything up. It was a weird feeling in the best way possible. and I decided that I wanted to make a game too. The summer ended, and I started 7th grade.

[conflictandscotchblog]

The Heart in the Woods

Oh the things we find in our walks in the woods.

Now retired, I have to keep moving. Not forward as in accomplishments and life choices, but literally moving, as in one foot in front of the other.

On nice (and not so nice) days I do a daily walk in Duke Island Park in Bridgewater, New Jersey. On one side of the park is the Raritan River, and weaves through both open fields and wooded paths. There is a children’s playground in the middle, and paths lined with numerous wooden benches, each with plaques dedicated to someone, or couples, who have died.

It’s nice, and depressing, at the same time. Not all the benches lived to a ripe old age.

To combat the cold weather on these walks, my ensemble is always the same. Top to bottom: baseball cap, sunglasses, ear buds (to listen to True Crime podcasts), black hoodie (either Rowan University or Allentown Police Academy), gray TCNJ sweatpants, and dark green Sketchers walking-shoes.

My head down, I move through the park focused on the trail more than my surroundings. This led to the following one night at dinner.

My sister-in-law (on my ex-wife’s side) told me that she and a friend walked right passed me one afternoon, as I never looked up to see them.

“What! Why didn’t you stop me?”

“You were so engrossed in your podcast,” she explained, “we didn’t want to bother you.”

With that said, what happened on another afternoon should come as a surprise.

As I moved through the back trail, furthest from the entrance, I passed a tree on my left without notice. However, on my return trek, a small, red cloth caught my eye as the wind pushed it in semi-circles as it hung from a branch.

Stepped closer and noticed it was a small, patch-work heart with a note pinned to its side: ‘I Need A Home’ and a small heart drawn at the bottom.

Never one to leave a heart in distress, I removed it from the tree and took it home. I hung it on the door of my pantry (yes, I have a pantry) so the end of the story.

Except, it isn’t.

For no other reason that’s its there, I searched the internet for Quilted Heart and I Need A Home. Imagine my surprise when I came across a website named ‘I Found a Quilted Heart’.

Could it be more right on the nose?

Opened the website and was utterly dumbfounded to see my little quilted heart was actually part of a world-wide cabal.

From what I read, a group of people found a quilted heart in Nevada back in January of two-thousand-and-fourteen. They never found out who left it, but it sparked something in them and, over the years, they prompted people to leave similar hearts all over the world. There are very strict rules as to what should be left, and where. If someone finds a heart they are asked to report on their websites. The finder can either keep the theirs (which I did) or put it back out into the world.

What amazed me as that I went from finding a quilted heart on a tree in a park in New Jersey only to discover that it was part of an international movement (non profit, by the way) that just wanted to make people feel good…

...be still my heart.

[sturchling]

Peaks out of a bush holding a sign asking for forgiveness.

Not in no hurry just add it to the list. Can I get a maribat. With Alya salt where she applys to a contest to win an interview with Lois Lane or Clark Kent. She doesn't tell anyone as she doesn't want to use Lila connections.

Use whatever lie you want to.

Meanwhile Marinette enters a contest sponsed by Daina prince Aka wonder woman.

Alya is told the reason she doesn't win and is disclfied is cause she not only did fact check a lot of what she put is can and will get her sued.

Alya was practically buzzing with excitement. She had entered a journalism contest and the prize was incredible. The first place winner would have their article published in the Daily Planet and win an interview with Clark Kent and Lois Lane, two of the top reporters in the world. Said two reporters were going to judge the entries and would also notify the contestants if they won or lost. Alya was sure she would win. She had submitted a new article, all about Lila's adventures in Gotham, how she was very close with the Wayne family, had helped with several major Wayne Enterprises projects, and how she had even helped Batman and the rest of the Batfam several times. At first, she had wanted to ask Lila for help, to make sure that she got everything right. But she didn't want to bother her friend, and she also didn't want Lila to use her connections to help Alya win. After all, Lila was very close with both Clark Kent and Lois Lane, and was going to help Alya get an internship with them at the Daily Planet. She couldn't ask Lila for more help. Alya was very proud of her work, and was positive that she would receive good news soon.

Meanwhile, Marinette had entered a contest of her own. Themyscira Industries, the public face of Wonder Woman that handles all her merchandising, had announced a contest. Wonder Woman was going to change her super suit design, and had decided that she wanted the public's input. Obviously her suit wouldn't be an exact copy of the design, they would change what they had to for practical reasons. Superhero suits have to be functional as well as fashionable after all. The winner of the contest would not only have their design as Wonder Woman's new suit, but would also get a private meeting with the Amazon herself.

Marinette jumped right in when she heard about the contest, thinking it would a fun chance to be creative and design something she wouldn't normally. And, if she won the meeting with Wonder Woman, she could get help with defeating Hawkmoth. The Parisian government had kept the whole situation a secret as best they could, so as not to effect tourism. This means, no one outside of Paris, including the Justice League, knew what was happening. If she got the meeting, she would reveal her identity to Wonder Woman. She was sure it would be fine, since Wonder Woman's mother Hippolyta was a Ladybug as well. Then with identities revealed, she would ask Wonder Woman for help tracking down Hawkmoth. It wasn't the greatest plan, but it was all she had.

With that in mind, Marinette quickly got to work. She took inspiration from suits Wonder Woman had worn over the years, and made sure that her design was also protective. Her time as Ladybug had made her appreciate a protective suit. When she finished her design, she submitted her entry and anxiously waited for the results.

Weeks went by, and both Alya and Marinette got the results of the contest. But only one girl was happy. Marinette received an email saying that she had won the contest and that her design would be made into Wonder Woman's new suit. Wonder Woman herself had even left praise for Marinette in the email. She had said she loved the design and was thrilled to see some protective elements already included in the design, which most of the other entries hadn't considered. Marinette was practically glowing, ecstatic with how the contest turned out. Not only did she get some good experience with this design, and get her name out there more in the fashion world, she had also got the meeting with Wonder Woman. She planned her trip to meet Wonder Woman

Meanwhile, Alya was upset and furious. Not only had she not won the contest, she had been disqualified. She couldn't believe it! She put everything into that article. At the bottom of the email that brought the bad news was a phone number for Clark Kent, who had sent the rejection email. Alya immediately grabbed her phone and called the number, determined to know what had happened and why she had been disqualified. As soon as Clark answered the phone, Alya started yelling, forgetting who she was talking to. She demanded to know why she was disqualified and what was wrong with her article. "Miss Cesaire, while you are very talented with writing, there is a major problem with your article. You did not fact check a single thing in that article, which was made up of entirely false statements. There is no record of this Lila Rossi being involved with the Wayne Family, Wayne Enterprises, or Batman. If we had published your article in our paper, not only would you have been sued, but we could have been as well. If you want to be a reporter as a career, I highly suggest you start fact checking all of your stories from now on. This kind of writing will absolutely get you sued and no one will want to hire a reporter with a history of publishing lies and getting sued. I wish you all the best with your future, and hope you can learn from this. Have a good day."

Alya was stunned. How could that be what got her disqualified? She had her source. How much better could you get than a first person account of what happened? Sure, she could have included some extra sources to prove everything, but primary sources are always best! Alya was determined to prove them wrong and show that her article was correct. Maybe if she got enough sources to prove her article, they would reconsider the contest. Maybe she could still win this. With that, Alya took to the internet, using all her sources and researching skills. But the more she dug into Lila's story, the more confused she became. She couldn't find any other sources that even mentioned Lila being in Gotham, let alone doing all the incredible things she had claimed to do there. On a hunch, she looked into Lila's other stories. Her stories about Jagged, Clara, Prince Ali, and many other celebrities. Alya couldn't find any proof. As far as she could tell, Lila had been lying this entire time. Alya was furious all over again, but this time at both Lila and herself. Obviously she was furious at Lila for lying to her. But, she was also angry at herself, for believing in her lies. So, Alya sat at her computer one more time tonight, and got ready to write another article.

Alya spent all night working on her new article. This one revealed everything Lila had ever lied about. All the disabilities, all the celebrity connections, and even where she had really been when she was 'on a charity trip to Achu', which she learned about when she called Mrs. Rossi to tell her what her daughter had been doing. And this time, she made sure gather all her sources and fact check everything. When she was sure about everything she had written, she published the story to the Ladyblog, with an apology for every post she had made about Lila's lies. She also took down all the articles about Lila's lies. She ended up emailing a link to her new article to Clark Kent, with an apology for her behavior when she called. Obviously, this didn't do anything in terms of the contest, but it made Alya feel better that one of her favorite reporters had seen a better article of hers.

While she didn't win the contest, when she got another email from Clark Kent saying that this article was much better, she was over the moon. He even told her about a new internship program that was starting that summer, and if she worked hard until then and kept writing and fact checking like this, he would seriously consider her for an intern position. Alya may have made a major mistake with the article she submitted to the contest, but Clark understood it was a mistake and she was trying to learn from it. Everyone deserves a second chance. Alya was thrilled and determined to work hard for that internship.

On Monday, Alya made sure to apologize to Marinette for not believing her about Lila. The two made up and started to patch up their friendship. Lila's kingdom of lies had been completely destroyed during all of this. The whole class knew she was a liar. The school knew about the lies too and expelled her for the truancy and fake disabilities. And her mother was furious when she found out and shipped Lila back to Italy, to live with her grand parents who could keep a close eye on her until Mrs. Rossi could be transferred back to Italy.

Now, Alya was sitting at her computer, getting ready to submit her application to the internship program that Clark Kent had told her about. While that contest all those months ago hadn't gone as planned, Alya was happy with what happened. If she hadn't submitted that article and got disqualified, she may never have looked into Lila's stories until it was too late. She could have ended up being sued or never made it as a reporter. And she might never have made up with Marinette. Now Marinette and her were friends again, and she had an amazing opportunity with this internship program, and it was because of her hard work.

[foilfreak]

4 Lords Raise Rose AU Ideas

Not a single person asked for this, but that other post where I talk about the 4 lords adopting Rose but still technically being terrible people got way more popular than I expected it to, so, with about 6 shots of tequila in my system and a terrible urge to spit my thoughts out for all the internet to see and judge, I’ve decided to make a follow up post. Here’s how I think the 4 lords would take care of Rose in the event they rebelled against Mother Miranda and decided to raise Rose as their own instead, but like under the cut after a little bit cuz i accidentally went way too fucking hard with this and I don’t want ppl to get mad at me for making them scroll for an hour to get past this post:

First and foremost, I think they’d do it in stages, and what I mean by this is that Rose would essentially be given to a specific Lord for some period of her life, like a couple years, and then when she was deemed old or strong or annoying enough, she’d be moved to a different lord for some period of time and so on and so forth. They would do this because a) they all live in different areas and have shit to do so it’s easier to have Rose live with one lord at a time and then the other lords can just go visit her there from time to time, rather than try to work out a weekly custody schedule which we all know Alcina and Karl would NEVER be able to agree on so let’s not even bother, and b) because each lord would have either some skill or set of knowledge that would make them the best for caring for Rose at that specific point in her life. This way, all the lords have a (somewhat) equal chance to be a part of Rose’s life and teach her something while she’s with them. So with all that in mind now, let’s get down to who would have Rose and at what point in her life.

1. Starting off with infant Rose, I think she’d end up with the Dimitrescu’s for the first few years of her life, and the reason why I think this is because... well, Alcina IS already a mother to 3 girls, and while we don’t know a terrible amount about Bela, Cassandra, and Daniela’s “upbringing” under Alcina, we can gleam and theorize from her notes that, despite their fully grown bodies, the girls could very well have started out with the mental and physical capabilities of infants, and thus needed to be cared for and brought up in a similar manner as infants or children until they reached a certain point where they could officially be considered adults in mentality and ability, not just in physical appearance. So with this in mind, it’s entirely possible that Alcina could have at least some vague idea of how to care for an infant child through her experiences with the bug sisters; perhaps there’s some gaps in her knowledge, but if nothing else I imagine Alcina would be an infant Rose’s best shot at surviving infancy if only because the other 3 are so incompetent on how to care for a baby that Alcina looks like an expert in comparison. Not to mention that, of the possible locations for an infant to be raised, I do genuinely think that castle Dimitrescu would be the safest place for Rose to be kept during this vulnerable part of her life. Not only that but if Alcina has actually come to care for Rose as though she were one of her own daughters, then she would absolutely spoil Rose rotten with all the nicest clothes and fanciest toys, things that a small infant wouldnt be able to appreciate but would show that she’s loved and cared for nonetheless, and don’t even get me started on the bug sisters, I could see them fawning over Rose for hours on end, playing with her, singing to her, telling her stories of all the man-things they’ve gotten to play with today, and so much more. Overall, Rose would just be the most spoiled and pampered little baby with the Dimitrescus and there’s no changing my mind about this. The only thing I’m struggling to wrap my head around is how they’d feed her, since I doubt a small infant would take very well to blood wine and human flesh. I suppose it wouldn’t be terribly outrageous for them to hire a wet nurse/nanny to care for Rose during the day while the other Dimitrescus go about their daily duties, and when Rose is finally old enough to be introduced to solid food (I.e. fried human flesh cubes) they could do what they always do and turn the nurse into wine too, I guess. It’s not a solid idea but it’s more plausible than anything else I thought of so it’ll work!

2. After spending about 3 years with the Dimitrescus, Rose would then be moved to the Beneviento house. Now, If u don’t know anything about 3 year olds, then you’re probably ignorant to the fact that they are some of the craftiest, sneakiest, and most coniving groups of people to exist on this planet. 3 year olds are masters at getting into and touching just about anything and everything u don’t want them to touch, and worst of all, u won’t realize what they’re doing until they’ve already done it and left a huge mess behind, so while the Dimitrescus love and adore Rose dearly, they know it’s sadly time to hand her over when they find her sitting on top of a pile of dead bodies playing with a metal scythe in the dungeons. Once Rose is dropped off at the Beneviento house, I imagine Donna is her usual stoic self the first few weeks Rose is with her. She’s not cold or distant necessarily, in fact she’s quite happy that it’s finally her turn with precious baby Rose, but Donna isn’t exactly known for being outwardly expressive herself (and even Angie isn’t being quite as forward as she normally is), so things are quiet and peaceful for the first little while that Rose is under her care. It’s not until Rose takes an interest in her doll Angie, and more importantly the things that Donna can do with Angie, that things really start getting fun. By the end of Rose’s first month in the Beneviento house she and Donna are the best of friends and often spend their days either playing dress up and make pretend with Donna’s extensive doll collection, or playing elaborate games of cat and mouse, where Donna will set up lots of puzzles throughout the house for Rose to find and solve (I.e. rose has to match her dress to the doll with the same one as her to find a map telling her which kitchen cabinet Donna hid the chocolate in, or something like that), but be careful little Rose, Angie has been trying to get her hands on that chocolate all day, and if u take too long, she’ll find the map first and eat all the chocolate without saving you a single piece. Just silly little puzzles with enough at stake to engage the mind of a curious 3 year old, but never enough to put rose in any actual danger. Donna is nothing if not a watchful caretaker, so she makes sure she has sight of Rose at all times, occasionally giving her a hint if she’s struggling, and perhaps occasionally making things harder if that day’s puzzle is proving too easy for her. Overall, Rose’s time with Donna, while not as grand and luxurious as the Dimitrescus, was still a fun and enriching experience for the young girl, and there’s nobody in this world who thinks that Donna’s scar is cool more than Rose.

3. After another 3 years with Donna, Rose is now 6 years old and officially far too good at puzzle solving for Donna to keep up with. No matter what she tries or how hard she makes it, Rose just keeps blazing through the puzzles at an almost alarming rate, making it clear that Rose is desperately in need of not only a change in scenery, but also a change in education, and this is where Salvatore finally comes in. After leaving the Beneviento house, I think the next logical place for Rose to stay would be with Salvatore, who, with lore hinting at him perhaps being a scholarly man of some kind, would basically act as her elementary school teacher throughout the duration of her stay. Now, to be fair, Rose could have gone to Heisenburg’s factory, but Heisenberg outright refused to take her and the other 3 lords decide that the factory is simply too dangerous for Rose rn, who thus far hasn’t shown any signs of being anything other than a normal human girl with no noticeable abilities (save for a smart mouth and a terrifying habit of popping up when least expected, a habit she mostly uses to mess with Heisenberg, much to his disdain and Lady Dimitrescu’s delight), so it is to the mutant fish man’s unimaginable delight that he is unanimously voted Roses next caretaker, and the one responsible for her basic education. Despite his initial excitement however, when Rose is finally dropped off at the windmills by Donna, Salvatore realizes that he’s not 100% sure what to do with Rose now that he has her. He’d like to get started on her education right away but at the same time he’s so fearful of Rose hating him because of his disgusting appearance that he kind of just... avoids her entirely at first. He’s never far away from the little girl and is always ready to jump to her rescue should she need it, but other than that Salvatore seldom allows himself to be seen for the first month that Rose is with him, the only sign of him still being around being the platefuls of food that mysteriously appear in Rose’s room 3 times a day, as well as the occasional shiny trinket Salvatore found and thought Rose would like. At first, rose doesn’t seem to mind being left entirely to her own devices, but after every stone, log, and rotting fish corpse within 5 miles of the lake has been turned over and thoroughly examined, Rose decides she’s had quite enough of her Uncle Sal ignoring her, prompting the headstrong little girl to go looking for him herself. She finds Salvatore hiding underneath a patch of floating algae not far away from where she was playing and all but demands that the mutant man come out of the water and give her something to do or she’d tell Mother on him. Salvatore, shocked by the small child’s fearlessly blunt request, hesitates, not wanting to frighten Rose, but ultimately relents, crawling out of the water and timidly suggesting that he teach her how to read and write. Rose quickly agrees, seeming totally unbothered by Salvatore’s grotesque appearance, and the two quickly move to the schoolroom that had been set up specifically for Rose, where Salvatore spends hours upon hours a day teaching Rose everything he knows, filling the little girl’s head up first with the basics, letters and words, then numbers and simple equations, followed later by historical dates and time periods, algebraic formulas, and classic literature analysis, then biology, chemistry, physics, astrology, calculus, ecology, and so much more. Basically, anything there is to know, Salvatore knows at least something about it and he’ll make sure that Rose knows about it too. In the 3 years Rose spends with Salvatore she goes from already sharp as a whip, to being smarter than most adults even, and Salvatore takes immense pride in how intelligent and knowledgable Rose becomes thanks to his surprisingly effective teaching style. Overall, as a caretaker, Salvatore is pretty weird and doubts himself a lot, but Rose thinks he’s funny and loves learning from him so they get along very well and she loves him very dearly! He probs teaches her to swim and fish too.

4. So another 3 years come and go with incredible speed, and its with great sadness on Salvatore’s part that Heisenberg finally comes banging on the fish man’s door, all but demanding that he now be given his turn with Rose. Now, personally, I can see several different arguments being raised by the other 3 lords over why its a terrible idea to let a 9 year old anywhere near Heisenberg, much less be given into his care fully. After about 9 years of seeing his siblings paling around with the constantly growing child, and looking like theyre having the time of their lives all the while, however, Karl decides that perhaps there’s more to this little girl than he originally thought, and, with his interest now piqued (or at the very least looking forward to pissing the other 3 off for entertainment purposes), that its only fair that he be given a turn with her now too, seeing as how he’s the only one who hasn’t been given the chance to be her caretaker yet. This naturally does NOT go over well with the other 3 lords. Alcina all but threatens to kill Karl should he step so much as within 10 ft of Rose, while Donna pipes up and demands to know what his sudden interest in Rose is. Even Salvatore, who is quick to flinch away from direct conflict, goes as far as to harshly point out the plethora of times Karl had outright denied their previous attempts to get him to engage with Rose, so why on earth would they hand her over to him now when he’s previously shown to have absolutely no interest in her? After a long spout of yelling between the 4 siblings, an agreement is reached, wherein Rose herself will be given the chance to decide whether she wants to go with Heisenberg, or whether she’ll return to one of the other 3 lords for the time being. It is to Alcina, Donna, and Salvatore’s absolute horror however, that Rose enthusiastically agrees to go with her Uncle Karl to live in his factory, and with the deal already set, the other lords can do nothing to stop her from going. The trip to drop off Rose at heisenberg’s factory is a long and arduous one, especially for Salvatore, who sobs the whole way there about Rose forgetting about him despite the young girl’s insistence that she’d visit. The first thing Karl does after officially having Rose handed over to him, is give her an extensive list of all the places in the factory in which she is under no circumstances permitted to enter without his permission (which basically only leaves the control room and the old storage closet that acts as her bedroom as viable places for Rose to go and explore). The second thing Karl does is dump her in her new storage closet bedroom and then hightail it for his workshop to work on whatever sick and twisted amalgamation he’s got cooked up this time around. At first, Rose isn’t terribly bothered by this, since she’s used to having something of an “adjustment period” when she’s with a new caretaker, but unfortunately for her, this adjustment period lasts a hell of a lot longer than the others did, and by the time 3 months of almost no meaningful contact with Karl, Rose decides to take matters into her own hands and ascends into the depths of the factory despite the express orders not to do so. Now, going back to the idea that the 4 lords are still pretty terrible people, I doubt Rose has been kept ignorant to the less savory aspects of her caretaker’s lives, and tbh she probably doesn’t think anything of the fact that the Dimitrescus makes wine out of the blood of virgin women or that Salvatore still does cadou experiments (and had her help on occasion), but I imagine even Rose would find the projects Karl works on to be at least a little

4, cont. gruesome and horrifying in nature, especially since Heisenberg is the one she knows the least about. However, instead of turning Rose away from Heisenberg, these terrifying metal creatures she sees locked up only spark her already insatiable curiosity, and by the time she finally tracks Karl down, Rose is all but trembling to learn more about this horrifyingly fascinating metal world. Unfortunately, Karl is not nearly as happy to see Rose as Rose is to see him, and the engineer all but grabs Rose by the scruff of her neck and drags her back up to the control room, yelling and screaming at her all the while about how she was explicitly instructed not to enter these parts of the factory without his permission. Needless to say that Rose does not enjoy this treatment and immediately lashes out, half out of anger and half out of confusion as to why Karl was treating her like this. He was the one who wanted her here in the first place, so why the hell was he just ignoring her now? It didn’t make any sense and it was starting to piss Rose off, so naturally the only thing left for her to do in order to solve this complicated situation would be to continue to disobey Karl until he either gave up and sent her back to one of the other lords, or finally payed some damn attention to her for once. So that’s exactly what she did. Every single day Rose left her room (which Karl kept telling himself he needed to put a lock on, but never did cuz he’s an idiot) and descended down into the depths of the factory looking for something ogle at or tinker with, and every single day Karl would track her down wherever she’d managed to get to and throw her back upstairs threatening to feed her to the lycans if she did it again. This incredibly frustrating cycle continued on for the better part of the next month or so, finally coming to a head when Rose managed to wander into the part of the factory where the... less than successful experiments got put whenever Karl doesn’t have any further use for them but is feeling too lazy to kill them off himself. Long story short, Rose runs into a Sturm that chases her around the factory, causing all manner of mayhem and destruction, and would have torn her to ribbons had it not been for Karl, who jumped in at the last second and was able to fend the damn thing off long enough for Rose to get the ever living fuck out and back up to the control room where it’s safe. There’s a lot of loud noises and explosions coming from deep within the factory that last for what feels like an eternity, but Rose doesn’t dare venture out again until everything has gone eerily quiet and a deep sense of worry has settled in the pit of her stomach over what had become of her latest caretaker. Turns out the Sturm had recognized its creator and, after watching its initial prey escape because of said creator, quickly decided that it fucking hated Karl with every fiber of its being and wanted him dead if it was the last thing it’s propellers did. Now, we all know that Karl is a big strong boy who’s more than capable of handling his own creations and taking down strong enemies, but the Sturm is a creation that even he struggles to control on good days and today is decidedly not a good day so not only does Karl not have the slightest bit of control over the death machine trying to kill him, but its also a lot stronger than Karl initially thought and apparently not picky about the method which causes Karl’s death, which is evidenced by the nearly dead Sturm ramming itself into a power generator as a final act of defiance and nearly blowing up the whole factory and everybody inside. Heisenberg is able to contain the explosion somehow but not without considerable damage to himself first. Rose is, naturally, quite horrified to find Karl passed out in the elevator that had taken him up from the lower levels of the factory where the explosion was, skin burnt nearly to a crisp in certain areas and blood pooling from just about every part of him, and immediately heads over to try and help her injured caretaker.

4, cont. again cuz I physically can’t stop myself. Now, I imagine that any normal 9 year old probably wouldnt be able to handle this sort of situation in any meaningful way, but i think we can all agree that Rose is the furthest thing from normal (especially considering who raised her) and has probably seen enough blood and gore to not be terribly freaked out by it, but this is where things get a little speculative because we don’t know what Rose’s powers are exactly but we do know from the final cutscene that she does have them, perhaps even a plethora of abilities, and I like to think that some of those powers are related to Ethan’s superhuman healing capabilities, but unlike Ethan however, who from what we’ve seen could only heal himself, Rose can actually heal other people (tho this isn’t something she’s aware of at this point in time). The second the elevator door opens to reveal, what looks to be, a half-dead Karl slumped over in the corner, Rose panics and runs to him, doing everything she can think of save for maybe grabbing him by the collar or slapping him across the face, to try and get Karl to wake up, except nothing works, he wont wake up no matter how hard Rose tries and i imagine this must be incredibly distressing for Rose who never intended for something like this to happen or for her caretaker to die because he had to protect her even tho he told her not to go down there because its dangerous and anything down there WOULD kill her if given the opportunity. Anyways Rose is now full on sobbing on top of Karl like only a 9 year old who just discovered that her actions have consequences can, but unbeknownst to her (and technically Karl cuz he’s a little busy bleeding out all over the floor) Karl’s wounds are slowly beginning to close, the burns on his face and hands shift from a bright red to a dark brown before crusting over and flaking off, and even his breathing, which had been labored and inconsistent at first, began to level out slightly. Karl woke up not long after that and was surprised to find that a) he was still alive, which was cool, b) he was injured but not in indescribable pain, also cool, and c) there was a literal sobbing child all but sitting on top of him, which is definitely not something Karl was expecting but he supposed he’s been met with worse things upon waking up after almost dying so why question it. After taking a moment to gather their bearings, the two return to the safer parts of the factory to rest and recover and for the most part this little incident of their’s goes largely unspoken, with Rose not exactly in the mood to talk about how her disobedience nearly got herself and Karl killed, and Karl being too fucking tired to go after her about it, especially since she seems to have learned her lesson. The only downside to this whole thing is that now Karl has a busted up fuckin leg thats gonna take an eternity to heal even for him, and with so much work to still do he’s more or less forced to drag Rose around the factory and use her like the annoying assistant he never wanted (except he did want her, thats how this whole fucking mess started, you lug), except that Rose, who is more than used to playing lab assistant from her time with Salvatore, quickly proves to be a rather capable and handy person to have around, if only because she knows the difference between a philips and a flathead screwdriver even better than he does. An amicable, if still slightly awkward peace settles over Heisenberg’s factory once Karl starts actively engaging with Rose and giving her something to do on a daily basis, even if its just standing around watching him work and occasionally having her questions about what he’s doing answered. It doesn’t take very long after that for Karl to begin realizing that perhaps throwing a huge tantrum to get Rose to come here only to ditch her upstairs by herself for 3 months might not have been the smartest (or most considerate) thing he’s ever done, and even goes as far as to (kinda) apologize to Rose for being such a dick to her since she arrived.

4, last one i swear. Rose forgives him, though not before adding that she already knew he was an asshole from Alcina, which earns her a halfhearted swipe from Karl that Rose easily dodges with a childish giggle. From that point on their relationship improves astronomically as Karl finally gives in and teaches Rose about about engineering and everything else that goes into making the metal horrors that he’s known for. Karl is shocked at how quickly Rose picks up on the trade, getting to the point where Karl wonders if he should start giving Rose her own projects to work on, but quickly rolls his eyes and groans when he remember that Salvatore was the one responsible for her education up until this point, the mere thought of having to give compliments to that “moronic freak” for giving Rose such a good educational foundation makes him want to vomit despite how secretly impressed he is. Overall, Rose’s time with Heisenberg starts out shaky, very shaky even, but after a bit of disaster and some swallowing of the pride on Karl’s part, they end up growing quite close and have a nice fun Uncle and martass Neice dynamic. They make a good team and Karl does genuinely enjoy having a little assistant around to help him with his projects, even if Rose can sound a bit too much like Alcina on some days for his liking.

5. 3 more years come and go and now Rose is a strong and healthy 12 years old, perhaps riddled with a few more scars and smearings of ash and motor oil across her skin than when she first arrived but still strong and capable nonetheless. Going back to that first statement however, this of course means that it’s time for the other 3 lords to come banging on Karl’s door for a change, all but demanding that Rose be handed back over to them. Karl of course refuses, telling them all to fuck off and that Rose didn’t want a leave the factory, so upon realization that all 4 lords were gathered here with the intention of taking Rose back to live with them indefinitely, a fight immediately breaks out between the 4 siblings, as each one makes their case as to why Rose should be returned to them and not the other 3, which of course none of the 4 lords can come to an agreement about because they ALL want Rose to stay with them. So after another long and pointlessly arduous argument, Alcina finally breaks, proclaiming that they’d be here for all eternity of they didn’t make a decision now, and that, like the first time the 4 siblings argued over whether Rose should go with Heisenberg or return to one of the previous lords, Rose would be the one to decide which of her four caretakers she would return to. The agreement is made reluctantly, mostly on the part of Salvatore, Donna, and Heisenberg, but there was seemingly no other way for them to come to a decision, so it would unfortunately have to be up to Rose to decide which of her 4 caretakers she wants to stay with permanently. Rose is quickly brought before the 4 lords and explained the situation, before being given some time to herself to think and make her final decision. A tense and uneasy silence falls over the 4 lords as they wait for the little girl, who they had shown an uncharacteristic amount of mercy and time and devotion and love in the 12 years since Mother Miranda had brought her to the village with the intention of using her to revive an already lost and long-gone baby that she never would have gotten back no matter how hard she tried. Although they refused to admit it to one another, the lords all secretly knew that Rose had wormed her way into each of their cold, dead hearts, reviving an aspect of their humanity that they’d all thought had been lost ages ago. Rose came to the village bringing with her a wave of death and destruction, and yet throughout her childhood she has brought them nothing but light and life, illuminating their previously dark and desolate existences. The 4 lords loved their Rose very dearly and desperately wanted her to be happy, yet each of them possesses a dark and selfish desire to have Rose pick them over the other 3, to come and live with them forever and fill the hole deep inside them that they never knew needed filling. After a short while, Rose comes back out and stands before her 4 beloved caretakers, looking around nervously as she picks at her fingernails. The silence is thick and heavy as the 4 lords stare at the young girl, waiting with bated breaths for her to give her final verdict. Rose continues to say nothing as tears begin to flow from her eyes, sliding down her cheeks in thick streams as the girl begins to sob, dropping her head and clenching her dress. The 4 lords look between one another in confusion, unsure of what to do with this sudden burst of tears. Rose tearfully admits that she can’t and doesn’t want to choose which of the 4 lords she wants to live with permanently because she loves them all very much and wants to be able to see and live with all of them, like they’ve done thus far. Although the lords detest the idea of having to share Rose with anyone, they reluctantly come to an agreement for the girl’s sake, deciding that they would continue with the arrangement they’ve had thus far, only that Rose would switch between caretakers every 3 months instead of every 3 years, giving rose plenty of opportunities to see each of her caretakers just like she wanted. From then on, Rose continues to live her life

5, cont. growing up and learning more and more from each of her beloved caretakers. Although Rose would likely never know what a normal life looks like, living with 4 criminally insane monsters in the remote mountain village in Romania, it would be impossible to say that she wouldn’t have a happy life despite that. Perhaps its because the girl simply doesn’t know any better, so she doesn’t have the ability to see just how messed up her life and her 4 caretakers really are, but i imagine that Rose probably wouldn’t care very much to learn even if she had the opportunity. She’s a happy little girl living a strange but enjoyable life with the only family she’ll ever need. What more could she possibly ask for?

6. As for how Mother Miranda would play into this whole scenario I’ve just drunkenly spat out, im honestly not 100% sure. Ive seen some people suggesting that MM just kinda chills and lets the lords do what they want with Rose, but tbh I honestly don’t see that happening in this universe. MM would still have been just as crazy and driven to get Eva back as she was in canon, so i doubt she’d willingly standby and let her “false children” take away her one shot of getting her real child back simply because they didn’t want to hurt her, i just don’t personally see that happening. The two most likely scenarios i can come up with is that the Lords either banded together and look Miranda on together, their combined forces being enough to take her down and kill her, OR, Ethan is the one to take down MM like he did in canon but he passes out before he can get to rose, giving the lords (who he hadn’t ended up killing but just escaping from i guess) the opportunity to slide in, grab rose, and hightail it out of there, leaving Ethan’s body to be retrieved by Chris, who, due to not seeing or hearing Rose anywhere, believes that Rose must have been accidentally killed along with MM, which he later tells to Ethan and Mia. Regardless of how MM gets taken out of the picture (or if she’s given room to potentially come back later), the 4 lords retreat with Rose and begin the whole cycle I explained up above, but i did want to briefly address how I saw MM fitting into all of this since she is a vital part of the original story and the biggest obstacle to the lords having anything to do with Rose.

Anyways, that was so much longer than I intended it to be but I had so much fun with it just because it gave me the opportunity to spit some fun ideas and potential plot points out about this cool AU that I like and hope someone does SOMETHING with, please god someone do it, I’d do it myself but i have enough projects at the moment unfortunately. If you managed to make it all the way to the bottom, thank you for reading all of that, I appreciate it, and I hope you enjoyed at least some parts of this, and maybe even agree with some of the things I said. Feel free to leave your own ideas in the comments, I’d love to read them and hopefully if enough people like this maybe i will actually do something with it. Who knows? I certainly dont. Anyways thank you for reading all this, i hope you have a great day, and maybe ill see you around in another post. Bye!!! <3

[linorachas]

track 01. | bang chan

⁍ pairing — bang chan x gn!reader ⁍ genre — fluff, hurt and comfort ⁍ word count — 2.6k words ⁍ details — established relationship, kisses!!!, self-doubt on reader's part ⁍ notes — this fic was supposed to be a drabble, but i may have gotten carried away because it hit close to home and maybe i need reassurance from chan Too ok damn. this one is for anon, and for every person out there who didn't get the results that they wanted, big or small. bear hugs from me and chan. you did well ♥️ ⁍ the mixtape series — this series will be for my fics that are heavily inspired by songs! i'm a very music-oriented person, so expect more of these in the future. ⁍ summary —  Chan was there for you. It was that simple.

♬ now playing:

when you love someone (day 6) ⤷ on queue: grow up (skz)

Chan knew something was wrong the moment he stepped through the door.

He should have no reason to know, really. Your days started off on a good note, sweet kisses exchanged and promises made before he left for work. You texted him sporadically throughout the day, but the texts tapered off sometime after lunch.

He hadn’t thought anything of it then, but now that he’s seen you, it took every bit of his strength to not just shake your shoulders and ask you what was wrong so he could fix it and make it better and destroy whatever it is that upset you.

He knew you liked to play your problems off like they were nothing, brushing it off in fear that you would bother the people around you. You would ignore all your problems and let it boil over if you could. And he knew this was one of those times, because you hadn’t texted him about it. Greeted him at the front door like normal, distracted him with your bright smiles and kisses that leave him breathless.

But… he sees the way your smile tightened.

The way you blinked rapidly when you thought he wasn’t looking, staring up at the ceiling to try and alleviate the stinging in your eyes. He sees it in the way you wore your (his) comfiest sweater and turned on your comfort show at a loud volume, as if you were doing all your favorite things to convince both Chan and yourself that you were fine.

But he also saw how none of these things worked, and that you were hiding something, and it was hurting you.

“Minho called today,” you start talking as you both walk to the kitchen, and Chan finds you had already prepared dinner. You bustle around the kitchen, telling him about Minho’s trip to the vet with Dori, Jeongin’s new hobby, Hyunjin’s current drama obsession.

You talk and you talk, finding little things to do, like moving the cereal box and rearranging condiments. Chan moves to get the rice like he always does, but the ache in his heart slows his movements.

He didn’t like seeing you like this, putting up a front for him. He didn’t mind you hiding what was wrong. He understood that it was hard for you to talk about your problems, and he wasn’t going to push for you to do so. But it didn’t sit right with him that you had to put on a smile, when you were clearly struggling.

So he bites the bullet.

“Baby,” he calls, stopping you mid-rant. He knew eye contact made you nervous, especially with the question he’s about to ask, so Chan keeps his gaze trained on the rice cooker. He scoops out the rice methodically, keeping his voice light. “Did something happen today?”

You laugh, but even you can feel the nerves in it. “Nothing much, Channie. I’m fine! Anyway, I really thought they’d have it, you know. It was all over the internet. I’d have ordered it online, but shipping seemed too expensive. Some of the-“

“Stop it.”

You freeze at Chan’s tone, and you turn around slowly to see him frowning at the counter, bowl placed down. You meet eyes when he turns to look at you too, but he softens immediately when he sees how caught off guard you were, eyes still wide.

With a sad smile, he shuffles closer to you, reaching for your hand. But he stops before he actually gets to touch it, looking at you cautiously as if asking for permission to hold you.

Your heart throbbed.

As soon as you manage a shaky nod, Chan takes your hand in his and intertwines your fingers together. He takes your other hand as well, but this one he brings up to his mouth, pressing a gentle kiss to it.

Heart stuttering, you croak, “Chan-“

“I’m here.” Chan reassures firmly, as if it was that simple. He tears through the walls you’ve built up the entire day, like they were made of cardboard instead of concrete. The stinging in your eyes worsens, because maybe it was that simple.

Chan was here. He was here, and maybe you were safe now, maybe you could let yourself cry for a bit, maybe you could let him hold you and you could forget, maybe-

He sighs, apologetic. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound so harsh earlier. You can tell me to leave and I will, but I’ll be right outside that door until you allow me inside again. I’m right here, Y/N.” He whispers, pressing a kiss to the palm of your hand, but this one is longer.

Lips brushing against your palm, he promises, “Whatever it is, I’m right here with you.”

And the dam breaks.

You don’t register the tears rapidly flowing down your cheeks until you see the way Chan panics, and the sight would have made you laugh any other time, but unfortunately you were too busy crying your heart out. Chan makes a wounded noise when he gathers you up in his arms, and your hands clutch at his shirt desperately, finding your safe space in the crook of his neck.

You hiccup and you sob and you shake, but all Chan does is hold you tighter and tighter, almost like he was holding together the pieces that were slowly breaking off you.

Like it was that simple.

He doesn’t say anything, except for the occasional hushing when you choke on a sob. One of his hands was wrapped snugly around your waist, keeping you close, while the other stayed at the back of your head. He was shielding you like this, hiding you away from the world that hurt you so much.

He starts swaying once your sobs die down. He rocks you back and forth slowly, humming under his breath just so you could have some music to sway to. It distracts you, and focusing on his humming eventually leads you to focus on your own breathing too.

You only pull away once his nails start gently scratching your scalp, afraid you would fall asleep on him if he continues any longer. You look up at him then, with puffy red eyes and tear stained cheeks, and Chan— who was never the one to resort to violence first— feels a lick of immediate anger deep in his soul for the person, or the thing, or whatever it was that made you like this.

Meanwhile, you look mournfully at the big wet patch on Chan’s shirt, berating yourself for being gross. Chan follows your gaze and laughs softly. He tears your gaze away from it by tilting your head up, two fingers under your chin. You meet his gaze and sniffle, apologetic.

“I’ll make you wash that later.” Chan’s nose scrunches, smiling at you playfully. Your lips quirk at that for a quick second, but the relief that washes over Chan at the miniscule expression was massive.

Brushing your hair away from your face, he sighs, “Now who made my baby cry, huh? I’ll beat them up for you. Really.”

You snort, about to tell him he couldn’t even hurt a fly, but then a fresh wave of tears well up in your eyes again just from the question alone and Chan coos as he brings you back in your arms.

“Hey, hey. It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me. I’m not forcing you. We don’t have to talk about it, okay?”

You shake your head at that, face still buried in his chest. It’s not that you didn’t want to tell him, you were just…

You hiccup, furiously wiping at your tears as you pull away. Chan’s face was so open, so understanding and so ready to fight whatever upset you that the worlds bubble up in your throat before you could stop them.

Fuck it.

You face Chan again, steeling yourself as you whisper, brokenly;

“I didn’t get it.”

A look of realization and shock flickers on Chan’s face, but it’s gone as quickly as it came. It’s replaced with understanding, his gentle smile just coaxing more tears out of you. He cups your face between his two hands, shushing you.

“Oh, my baby.” He sighs, brushing your tears away with his thumb. He opens his mouth to ask how he can help, but surprisingly, you keep talking.

“It’s just so stupid.” You start, and then the words just don’t stop. “I feel so stupid. I know I shouldn’t be crying over this because I have other applications and- and-“

“Don’t say that,” Chan frowns, not wanting to interrupt you but also not wanting to hear you say you were stupid. “You’re allowed to cry over anything. No matter how big or small it is. There are no rules about what you should or shouldn’t cry to. I know how much you wanted that, Y/N.” He shakes his head, “You have every right to be upset.”

You swallow, letting Chan’s words sink into your bones. Exhaling shakily, your hands come up to grip his wrists.

“Everybody— my other friends, they kept telling me that I did my best, and I should just focus on the fact that I gave it my all, but if I— if I did my best, if I gave everything I had, why didn’t I…” you trail off, looking at Chan imploringly, as if he knew the answers to your question. “Chan, why didn’t they-“

You’re wrapped in another tight hug before you could finish your sentence, Chan pulling you so close that not even air could get between you two. His grip should be suffocating with how tight it was, but it just made you feel more safe. Secured. Protected.

Loved.

“Tell me what you need, baby.” Chan asks when he pulls away, eyes searching your face desperately.

He hated seeing you like this, but most of all, he hated knowing he couldn’t do anything about it. This wasn’t something he could change with a snap of a finger, or something he could avenge you for. But hell would freeze over first before he’d let you deal with this alone.

“You,” you finally croak out, falling into the safety of his arms again. Here, nothing could hurt you. Here, you were safe. “Just you. Please.”

And his heart breaks.

Chan swallows, feeling that same lick of anger rise up again. But he pushes it down, because nothing else mattered in the world right now but you.

He coaxes you out of the kitchen, hands still intertwined as he leads you to your bedroom. He sits on the middle of the bed first, leaning back against the headboard. Then he opens his arms wide, and you crawl into his lap, your bodies fitting together like puzzle pieces.

The hand he slips under your shirt makes you shudder, but there was nothing sexual about it. You’ve unknowingly been cold all day, the nerves from waiting for that damn email somehow lowering your body temperature and forcing you to bundle up. Just an hour ago, you had wanted nothing but to curl up under a blanket and hide from the world, shivering. But now, Chan felt like a furnace, and for every place that his hand touches, your skin warmed.

You didn’t need to hide now, because Chan was here.

It was that simple.

Chan takes your hand again, bringing it up to his lips. He presses a kiss to each of your fingernails, even tilting his head so he could kiss the thumb. He’s smiling as he does it, with that goofy little smile he does when he’s trying to act cute and make you smile. You’ve long stopped trying to discern if the smile you do end up making is because of his cuteness, or because he looked kind of hilarious.

Today, you realize it’s because you love him.

And another smile is tugged out of you again, because you’re reminded that he loves you.

It shows when he presses gentle kisses to the palm and the back of your hand too, down to your wrist. He shows it again when a cool draft of wind comes in through your open bedroom window, and Chan’s already throwing the covers over the both of you before you could even shiver.

He shows it once more when he captures your lips in a chaste kiss, and it’s still as sweet as the first one you ever shared, when you were both nervous but just as in love.

“You’re allowed to hurt.” Chan whispers after you guys spend a few minutes of silence just basking each other in, Chan rocking you side to side, his cheek pressed on top of your head. “You’re allowed to cry. I don’t want you to ever think that you can’t be upset about this. Yes, you did do your best, and that’s something to be proud of. But it still hurts here, doesn’t it?”

He touches your intertwined hands to your chest, right where your heart was located. You nod shakily. He smiles softly.

“So let it hurt. Let it hurt now, and when it passes- when, baby.” he looks you in the eye, determined and sure, “remember this: when. Not if. Never if. Because this will pass, and we’re going to get up tomorrow and find you other options. We’ll continue tomorrow and we’ll find another way like we always do. You’re doing well. You’re doing just fine, and I know you’re doing your best. But for now, you let it hurt so you can heal from it…”

Despite himself, Chan’s voice breaks. Because even though letting you hurt now was essential, that didn’t mean he liked it. He wished desperately for some kind of way to transfer your pain to him, just for a moment.

The stinging in your eyes comes back on full force again, but this time for an entirely different reason. Chan catches the teardrop by your lash line before it could even roll down your cheek.

“...and I will be right here with you.”

He promises, nose nudging against yours gently. Your eyes flutter close when Chan leans up to press his lips against your forehead, muttering even more promises. He intended to keep every single one of them.

It didn’t matter that it seemed unrealistic to promise so many things. Chan would fight tooth and nail to live up to those promises, if it meant putting a smile on your face. He’d do just about anything if it meant seeing your lips twitch or your eyes gleam or your cheeks flush over and over again.

Your gestures and expressions were things he learned to take note of early in your relationship, ever since he realized you liked putting up a front. Every day, he learns something new about what a certain gesture or expression meant, and every day he falls in love with each of them a little bit more.

So to see such a pained, guarded expression on your face; it drove him crazy. He wanted nothing more than to find the source of your pain and make them suffer too, no matter how illogical that sounded.

But then your hand twitches again his, your hair tickling him from where you’ve buried your face on his neck, and he remembers that you need him right now.

You needed him to stay, and he was more than willing to do so. He didn’t mind if his body ached in this position, or if he had to stay up all night to distract you from your thoughts. It didn’t matter if you wanted to go out in the middle of the night for a distraction, or if you wanted to stay and shut yourselves in. He’d do all of it in a heartbeat.

Just so he could ease the pain in your chest, even just for a little bit.

Because it was simple: he loves you, and whatever you wanted to do and wherever you wanted to go…

You will always, always have him.

[proxylynn]

Your Boyfriend: Stalk-home Syndrome (Day 3)

Chapter #3: IT'S JUST ANOTHER MANIC MONDAY

[WARNING: Because the internet needs more romantic visual novels where you try to win the hearts of your senpai, right? WRONG! Your Boyfriend is a visual novel, yes. But this is anything but a love story. Your Boyfriend is a game where you deal with a man's unhealthy desire to have you, no matter who gets hurt. And he's not afraid to leave the body lying around for you to find either. Imagine a cat bringing you dead mice or birds to your doorstep, except he had brought the corpse of the person you talked to the other day. It's a choose your own adventure story, so be careful with how you react to those around you, especially towards him. This game deals with themes that might be disturbing for some audiences, such as murder, gore, drug use, kidnapping, non-consensual intimacy, strong language, and nudity.]

So what better thing to do than write fanfiction about it?! Enjoy my descent into madness. I regret nothing!! Sincerely with crazy sleepless love, your friendly neighborhood author, Lynn~♥

———————————————————————

[Lynsie...What did you do? This isn't how the story goes. Granted it's not done yet, but still! Just...Try not to alter things any more than as is. Cool? Cool.]

There's a soft humming sound drawing me from the deep. It so sounds familiar...Like a primordial lullaby that is inherently known in the soul. The sound is soon joined by a feeling. A gentle touch here and there...My eyes wearily open, vision blurred but the shape I can tell. The dark orange blob in my face is my stuffed tiger, Cuddles. I nuzzle the still soft after so many years fur with a smile and a tiny coo trills out of me.

"Good morning, darling..."

I turn my head to look over at Peter leaning out the open window and smoking a cigarette.

"Did you have sweet dreams?"

I let out a yawn and sit up with a stretch. My neck feels sore. Gonna have to limit moving it for a bit.

"For once...Yeah. Thank you."

"No thanks needed, sun spot. It was my pleasure. And it's not like it was one-sided. I finally had a decent rest thanks to you, darling."

And there he goes saying things that have me becoming a blushing fool.

"I hope the smell didn't wake you."

"No. I thought I heard humming. I guess it was just in my head. Heh...Didn't peg you for a smoker."

He takes a long drag before stubbing the butt out in the window frame and putting it in his pocket.

"It's not a habit I'm proud of. Picked it up in my teens. Does it bother you? I am trying to quit..."

He lifts his shirt and shows his back, a patch sticking to the small spinal dip.

"I'm at the point a pack will last me a month."

I clap.

"Impressive. But to answer you, no. I've been around smokers since childhood. You're fine. But good on you. That's a tough demon to beat. What got you to quit?"

He smiles as he puts his shirt down.

"I found something much more addictive and better for me. I wanna be around as long as I can to enjoy it."

"And what's that?"

"You."

Critical shot landed! My heart...The feels...It's so pure!

"Dawwww...Pete..."

"Peter."

He comes over to me and lightly cups my chin.

"I want you to use my name, darling. You've earned it."

He leans down to kiss my cheek and I snicker.

"Heh...Peter...Let me wake up more before you start spoiling me with sweetness."

"What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't spoil you?"

He kisses me along my jaw.

"Lynsie, I think you're a wonderful person and you deserve the best."

His kisses trail to my ear.

"Which doesn't explain why you're dating me."

I pull back much to his surprise.

"No, bad, Peter. No self-doubt."

I boop his nose.

"You're a great guy. Leave the self-doubt to me. I'm more used to it."

His expression falters.

"Not anymore..."

He shoves me back, getting on top of me in a similar way to what happened when Lucy caught us.

"You don't get to have self-doubt. Not as long as I'm with you."

Maybe it's the fact I just woke up, but the way he said this sounds odd.

"You're doing a good job then, sweetie. Because you seem to just keep making me smile."

"Good..."

He leans down and connects his brow with mine.

"Knowing you're happy makes me happy."

I smile.

"You make me happy."

He smiles back.

*click*

We look over at a deadpanned Lucy. Is this going to be a thing with her?

"Uh...TK's here."

I sigh.

"Give me couple minutes."

She smirks.

"Quick to finish huh?"

We both glare at her.

"You can go now, Lulu."

"Do you need some condoms? I got extra in my nightstand."

"Close the door, Lucy."

"And some lube if she's a little too tight for you~!"

"She said fuck off!"

Peter snarls and she laughs her ass off out of the room, the door still open. Bitch.

"Mind getting that? I need to change for work."

He nods and gets off me to shut the door. I scrounge the floor for cast aside washed clothes and look back at Peter who's face is a whole new shade of red.

"You okay?"

He holds his arm shyly.

"Y-You sure you want to change...*gulp* W-With me in the room?"

He's sweating bullets. Is this really the same guy from last night that went to town on my neck?

"I need to hear more~.”

"Peter, please! Control yourself.”

"Oh, I am. You have no idea how much more I want. It takes everything in me not lose it and fuck you senseless.”

Maybe...Maybe it was just his sleeplessness making him act so bold. Heh, I know I can act like a bitch when tired.

"I mean, if you don't feel comfortable you can wait outside or turn around."

He flinches a little when I reach for my shorts and spins around to face the door. Just in case I keep my eyes on while I change. Every so often I see his hands flex in and out of being fists, keeping himself in control. He is holding back. Smart boy.

"H-Hey, darling..."

"Yes, dear?"

"Who is TK?"

The calm in his voice...

"I dunno…I got this creepy vibe from him and it’s been eating at me ever since.”

"Define creepy?”

"It’s just that…It seemed like he had his eyes glued on us the whole time we were talking. I dunno.”

I should tread lightly.

"They're my coworker friend. They offered me a ride to work and a little light breakfast."

"And you trust them?"

"Hard not to when I've known them for the last three months. Why?"

"N-Nothing. Just wanting to make sure you're in good hands."

Hmmm...

"Looking at it from your angle, yeah, that’s a bit odd and might be hinting at possessiveness. But From his end, you’re a stranger that works with his new girlfriend and he might be insecure about another guy in my life.”

Stop being paranoid. If he was gonna do something, he would've already done it. He had a shot. He didn't abuse it. Relax and give him a chance. Now fully dressed for work, I come up behind Peter and hug his back.

"You have nothing to fear, sweetie. After all..."

I kiss his neck and he tenses up.

"You are my boyfriend."

A shiver racks his core and his hands come up to hold mine over his heart with a contented sigh.

"Do you want to meet them?"

His grip tightens.

"Meet them?"

"If you're going to by my boyfriend, then you'll need to know who's in my life, right?"

His grip loosens.

"You do make a fair point."

He spins around in my hold and cups my face.

"If my darling thinks this person is okay, then I'll trust you and see this coworker friend."

"Who knows? You might end up buddies."

"...Maybe?"

I give him a little nuzzle and break the hold.

"That's the spirit."

He gives a weak cringe smile. I call it a win as he follows me out to the living room. TK waves me hello though their wave dies out seeing Peter at my side.

"Morning, TK."

"H-Hey, Lynn. You ready to...The hell happened to your neck?!"

I just point at Peter who whistles nonchalantly. Now Lucy is even gawking.

"Does it look bad? It doesn't feel bad."

"Girl, you look like you were mauled."

"Is that dried blood?"

I look at Peter, he's all embarrassed yet proud.

"I might have gotten a little too into it. S-Sorry, dearest."

I play punch his shoulder.

"Try hard."

He chuckles as I resume things as normal despite the awkward stares. Yep, I'm going to work like this. Fuck it. It's no one's business about my neck.

"TK, this overzealous dork is my boyfriend, Peter. Peter, this is my buddy and coworker, TK."

They just stare at each other. I can totally see them doing that anime trope of the lightning glare, in which two rivals lock gazes and the intensity of their shared enmity manifests as crackling streamers of lightning arcing back and forth between their eyes as sparks begin to fly. I sigh and grab their hands, making them shake hands as I hold them together in mine.

"Nice to meet you. You too. See? Easy. Now can you both quit being dumb macho men before I bounce without either of you?"

They both stiffen up and change their attitudes fast. Such dorks.

"Sorry, darling."

"Same. It's good to meet you."

"Likewise."

They couldn't be more transparent if they were made of glass. I let them go.

"Yo, Lulu, hold the fort down while I'm gone."

She gives a half-assed salute.

"You got it, commander. Oh, make sure she eats. She's been skipping again."

TK looks at me worried and Peter shares the concern.

"I ate yesterday."

"You ate more after breakfast?"

"Yes. I had soup for lunch."

"And what about dinner?"

I feel the pressure of their stares and shirk a bit, averting eye contact.

"Yeah, didn't think so."

A low irradiated rumble ripples through me, I just head out the door without reply but know damn well there's more than one following me.

"You're doing it again? But I thought you were getting better?"

I don't want to have this conversation this early.

"Lynsie?"

I'm trying to block out TK while speeding down the stairs. A sudden whoosh has me pause. The flash of Peter leaping to the bottom and blocking the way leaves me stunned. I'm about to do something, move or speak I can't recall the impulse, but the look in Peter's eyes has me like a deer in headlights. It's daring me and telling me it's pointless at the same time. A cold chill hits me from those eyes.

"Lynsie?"

TK's voice nearly makes me piss myself after being in such a state.

"Easy. You don't want to fall."

"Then don't spook me."

"I...I wasn't trying to."

Shit, I didn't mean to bark like that. I smack my face with my palm.

"Sorry."

"Come on. Let's get something in your tummy and you'll feel better."

I huff a sigh knowing I'm not going to hear the end of this. TK ushers me and Peter continues to follow us out of the building. Does he think he's coming with? I look back at him as we near TK's car.

"Sweetie, whatcha doing?"

"Huh? Just seeing you off, darling."

"Cute."

TK opens the side door for me and I get in, rolling the window down for Peter.

"You'll be coming by for lunch, right?"

He leans on his arms in the opening.

"You know it. Got a few errands to run in the meantime. Who knows...I might have a surprise for you when I show up."

"Please don't spend anything on me."

"Too late there. All I want to do is spend my time with you."

Too fucking cute!!

*slam*

TK enters the driver's side.

"Hate to kill the mood. But if we're gonna have enough time to eat, we got to go now."

Peter huffs with a bit of a scowl forming. Not liking that, I pull him down for a quick cheek kiss which gets his smile to come back.

"Don't keep me waiting long, sweetie."

"Wouldn't dream of it, darling."

He backs up and waves as TK drives off. I keep my eyes to the side mirror, watching Peter slowly shrink in the distance. His waving stops...His hand looks like it's clenching into a fist?

"So..."

TK breaks my concentration and looking back proves Peter to be gone. Weird.

"Are we gonna talk here or in public?"

I roll my eyes.

"Fine. Let's get this over with."

"Why are you skip eating?"

"It's not like I'm doing it on purpose. I eat when I'm hungry. Not my fault my stupid stomach has no clue when it wants food."

"That's because you messed its timing up."

"You know damn well that wasn't a choice! Do you honestly think I wanted to solely live off a jar of peanut butter and ketchup packets for two months?!"

"I know you didn't choose to. But you're not in that situation anymore yet you're eating as if you were."

I chew my bottom lip and claw at my leg. I'm not in a good place. His hand comes to hold mine, it's all he can do since he has to watch the road.

"Do you have enough at your place?"

"Money's been tight for the last three months."

"Is that when Lucy got you to cover her half?"

"Yeah. All my cash goes to the bills and rent. What change I can keep goes to food. But it isn't much. When you go so long without, family size ends up feeding a single person. The fridge is empty apart from ice trays, a few drinks, week-old leftovers, and condiment/sauce packets. I shared the last of the canned soup with Peter yesterday. Lucy said she ordered pizza last night but I have no clue how much of that remains."

"What about my step-mom?"

"Brenda? She usually shares her leftovers...so long as someone's there to ask. *groan* I'm always working and I have no clue what Lucy does when I'm not around other than pissing off our landlord."

"I take it your boyfriend didn't know about this either."

"No. I don't want to trouble him so early in this relationship."

They sigh and squeezes my hand to stop the clawing.

"Tell you what...Why don't we hang out tonight?"

I eye them funny.

"Aren't we pulling another full day?"

"Alisha and Kit-Cat have the evening shift."

"A half-day? Fuck, I need those tips."

"What you need is to relax and get a decent breakfast. The stress is going to kill you at this rate. And if that doesn't, malnutrition will."

"I get you're being nice and you care, but telling me to relax only adds more stress. Like telling a guy being dragged to death to just hold on."

They pout. Damn those sad puppy dog eyes.

"But...Seeing as the option is available, I'd be a huge bitch to turn down spending time with you."

A pleasant smile comes to them.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Sweet! I've been dying to Smash with you."

My brain goes into the gutter so fast. Yet, I know them better than that.

"My dude, I'm going to own your ass in Smash."

"Not this time. I've gotten really good with the new characters. Oh! I heard they made Sora from Kingdom Hearts the last fighter."

"I mean, that's cool. But what the fuck? Where's Waluigi?!"

We are dorks. This is true friendship. TK pulls into a drive-thru and, with my meager add-in of five bucks, we get a small feast. Ten breakfast burritos, an iced tea for them, and orange juice for me. It's so worth the wait till we reach the diner's parking lot to go full hog. To feel satisfied and full is something I missed. It just sucks that I have to rely on others to do this. I'm a grown adult, got a job, my own place, and yet I can barely feed myself. Damn it...I left home to get away from being in shit like this!

"Well...We better clock in."

"Yeah...Think the crowd is gonna suck like yesterday?"

"On a Monday? Nah."

Oh, how wrong they were.

Sure, Sunday was Hell. But his is that spot just before it, Monday is Purgatory. Karen's and redneck grandpas with something up their asses gotta be all up in my face. No, Karen, I'm not going to sounds delighted to serve you when you scream at me to "fill my god damn cup all the way, you retard". Oh my god, even a neckbeard appeared. This cringe-lord wore a brony sex shirt and fedora in public, even called me "m'lady"...I wanted to dunk my head in the deep-fryer. Oh! And this one audacious fuck-tard refused to pay because their T-bone steak wasn't cooked the way they wanted. Yeah! A mother ducking T-bone steak, for breakfast. Not even a breakfast steak and eggs, either. An actual dinner-type steak, with potatoes and steamed carrots. Jackass made such a scene the manager had to come out. Shit got real. Thankfully, after that display of managerial dominance, things chilled out. Imagine that? Maybe it's okay that this is a half-day. I mean, we open at 7 AM every damn day and close at 10 PM. It used to be midnight but the city came down on it being "wrong" to make workers pull more than 16 hours a day.

It's around noon when I wander into the kitchen. Another two and half hours before I can clock out. Gonna pop some joints and snag a soda.

"Dear lord, what are your bones made of? Bubble-wrap?"

TK comes around with some clean dishes.

"Ha ha. I hope that joke was funny, 'cause you lost out on me asking if you could help me stretch."

They snaps their fingers in defeat which gets me chuckling.

"Eh, it's probably for the best. Don't want to make your boyfriend jealous."

This gets my attention as they motion with an eye roll to the dining area. I look out to see Peter in the same booth from yesterday and zoning out the window. My grin is wide.

"Wanna take a small break?"

"Can I?"

They shrug.

"Things have gotten slow. Sure. But stay here. We only got a little bit left to go."

I give TK a quick hug and take my apron off before skipping over to Peter.

"Hey there, stranger..."

I slide into the booth and upon doing this he rejoins me back in reality, a gleam in his eyes.

"Hope you ain't waiting on someone. 'Cause this seat is taken."

He snickers at my bad attempt to be funny. Bless him for this.

"You're in a good mood, darling. The day treating you well?"

"Better now that you're here."

A blush lights his face.

"Aren't I supposed to be the one with the smooth pickup lines?"

I look at him funny.

"What pickup line?"

He eyes me before relaxing into a smirk.

"God, your innocence is adorable."

He reaches over for my hands and I go with it, letting him lace his fingers with mine.

"I love how your hands fit mine."

I look off bashfully.

"And how cute you get when flustered."

"Peter, please..."

He pulls my hands up to his mouth, giving each soft kisses.

"I was thinking we could see a movie tonight. There's a screening for an upcoming film and it's open to the first sixty that show up. What do you think?"

"Hmmm...You and me, sitting alone in the dark, getting lost in whatever fantasy that may or may not suck which we can mock afterward? A tempting offer, not gonna lie."

"So...?"

I look slightly towards the kitchen.

"I kind of made plans to hang out with TK after work."

His hold on my hands strengthens a bit.

"Oh."

"Sorry. It just happened during the ride this morning."

"No...No need to be sorry. T-Things happen."

He tells me this is okay. But I can see that's far from how he feels. Aside from his hand holding grip, his eyes darken in disappointment and the higher happy pitch to his voice dulls close to monotone levels. I pout feeling bad now.

"Please don't be upset."

He flinches.

"W-Wha? I'm not upset."

"I know you want to spend time with me. I want that too."

"Darling, it's okay. I understand."

Then why do you sound like your forcing yourself to say that?

"...What if you joined us?"

His eyes widen in surprise.

"I have to ask them, but it shouldn't be an issue. We were just gonna veg out and play video games."

There's that smile. The one that melts my heart.

"You really don't have to do that."

"But I want to. Both of you want my attention and I don't want to say no to either of you. So...Compromise? We hang out together, the three of us. And maybe if you're lucky, conversion will spin into embarrassing stories and other things."

A playful glint comes to his eyes.

"Oh? And what kind of other things are you hinting at?"

I shrug.

"What kind of things do you want to happen?"

His stare gains some intensity for a moment before his face reddens and he lets my hands go to bashfully rub the back of his head.

"Heh...Not sure you want me to say such things in public, darling."

I look out of the booth at our nearly empty diner before looking at him again.

"You can whisper to me if you want. I mean, it can't be any crazier than what you said last night."

He eyes me funny.

"What did I say that was crazy?"

Is he for real? Does he not remember?

"Really? Drawing a blank?"

He shrugs. I sigh and lean over the table, motioning him to do the same. He does so I whisper in his ear.

"You have no idea how much more I want. It takes everything in me not lose it and fuck you senseless."

The shudder that leaves him was something unexpected. As are the goo-goo baby I love you eyes.

"Fuck, darling...You are a great listener. Getting me all bothered with my own words."

I smirk.

"So you do remember? Naughty boy."

"Not as naughty as I could be~."

Something about that gets to me...sounds like a challenge.

"Well then, naughty boy, what say we play a little game?"

His brow cocks.

"I'm listening."

"The game is 'would you kindly'. The rules are simple..."

I lean back in my seat.

"We do whatever the other asks as long as it starts with 'would you kindly'. Nothing sexual. But that's the game."

He mulls this over while leaning back.

"What does the winner get? It's not a game unless there's an incentive to try."

"Hmmm...I suppose the classic winner gets the loser to do something works. Unless you have something better...in...mind?"

The look he has is like he's about to explode, hands gripping the table harshly and gnawing on his bottom lip enough to draw blood. This might have been a grave mistake.

"Peter?"

"*grunt* You really make it hard to hold back sometimes..."

I shrink in my seat a little. He seems to pick this up as he takes a long deep breath, licks the blood off his face, and returns to a more neutral disposition.

"Sorry about that, darling."

"You okay?"

"Perfectly fine. Just got a little excited is all."

"If that was you excited then I'm not sure about playing this game anymore."

"No no! I can handle it."

"...You sure?"

"I promise. Cross my heart..."

He makes the motion.

"And hope to die."

I shake my head.

"You're such a dork. But a lovable dork."

I check the neon clock above the kitchen window for the time. My break is close to ending.

"Don't tell me our time is up?"

"Not yet. Got about ten minutes left."

"Then...Shall we play? I do love games."

I roll my neck side to side, letting it pop a little.

"Who's first?"

He gestures to me and I sigh.

"Very well...Peter, would you kindly smile for me?"

It takes him a second to do so with a chuckle.

"Heh...Gonna go easy on me huh?"

"Maybe. Maybe it's 'cause I like you so much."

He's humbled.

"Awww...Darling, I'm touched."

But that doesn't last long.

"Would you kindly dance for me?"

I stiffen.

"Beg your pardon?"

He gestures to the old jukebox in the back with a sly smile. That thing hasn't seen action in months.

"Pick a song and do a little dance. A simple request."

I'm gonna be blunt...

"I don't dance."

An inquisitive shift has him.

"Are you refusing? Because by the rules, that would mean you lose...on your first turn."

I'm not one to refuse. But I have limits. I know when not to do something.

"Fine. I lose. Whatever."

He frowns.

"Now that's no fun."

I fold my arms.

"Sometimes life isn't fun."

Now he's full-on pouting.

"What if I danced with you?"

"I don't dance. Never had. Never learned."

"So you wouldn't dance at our wedding?"

There's that feeling of being smacked again. I'm stunned looking into his eyes.

"O-Our wedding?"

He nods. My heart is sent into rapid pounding. He...He sees himself marrying me? Why? I'm far from wife material. How could I be good for him when I can't take care of myself? How can he think I'm...

"Darling..."

I must've zoned out in thought because he's now standing beside me and offering me his hand.

"Let's not end the game so soon."

"But..."

A finger to my lips shuts me up and he takes my hand, pulling me out of the booth then over to the dusty machine. He really can't be doing this...can he? Sure, there are like four people in here, but still, we not dancing in public...right?

*clunk*

My entire body freezes in paralysis as I hear the selected record get set up.

"Relax. Think of it like you're back at prom."

"I never had a prom or any school dances."

His eyes widen.

"This is your first dance?"

Multiple levels of humiliation begin to increase, I start to tremble and my eyes water. I want to go home, crawl into bed, and never see the light of day or dark of night again. I'm snapped out of this by him putting one of my hands on his shoulders and his hold my waist as the music slowly whines to life.

"Keep close and follow my steps."

His voice is so soft. I rest my head on his chest in an attempt to avoid all sight. I'm so uncomfortable. I look at the ground and keep track of his feet. Slowly he takes a step and I mimic it. Step, repeat, step, repeat, step, and repeat. I don't recognize the song yet it sounds vaguely familiar. It has no words, only music, purely instrumental. Almost sounds like "Oh, My Love, My Darling" mixed with "Earth Angel". Feels 50s era what with the use of saxophone. A nice slow beat that calls for the listener to sway in its spell. I don't know when I shut my eyes or even the reason, but despite the queasiness in my guts, I give in to this moment and take him in. The beat of his heart in my ear, the sound of every breath he takes, the warmth of his body, and the scent...A strange alluring mix of generic soap, cologne of some kind, and the faintest hint of cigarette smoke. Don't know why but it's making my head feel fuzzy.

"You're doing so well, darling."

I look up at him in a haze. Was he always so cute? And his eyes...So dreamy.

*cluck*

Oh...Guess the song ended.

"So...How was your first dance?"

I suddenly feel so timid.

"I guess it wasn't so bad."

The smile he gives me is charming. Yet...something feels off. My head is so foggy.

"Lynsie..."

TK's voice pierces the fog and gains my attention.

"Five-minute heads up."

I nod.

"Okay...Be there in a bit."

The haze is slow in leaving me. I gotta get my brain going again.

"You can't go just yet..."

Peter's voice sounds a tad frantic.

"I-It's your turn after all."

My what...? Oh right! The game.

"Yeah...my turn..."

I shake my head loose from the remaining haze but still left feeling so dull.

"Ugh...my head..."

"You alright?"

"Not sure. Might need a soda or something."

His hands come up to feel my forehead and throat.

"Hmmm...You don't feel feverish. Though your pulse is a little slow."

"That's normal. Plus you're very comfortable to be around."

His face holds a softness to it that is so adorable.

"I know it's your turn, but may I ask to have one more dance before we part?"

I can only imagine the dumb grin I give him.

"I'd like that."

He reaches over and types in the record number.

*clunk*

The tune has an easier time to start up as Peter resumes holding my waist. This song...This one I know. I don't know all the words, but I know it. I love you baby by Frank Sinatra. Rest in Peace old blue eyes.

"♪You're just too good to be true. I can't take my eyes off of you. You'd be like heaven to touch. I wanna hold you so much. At long last love has arrived. And I thank God I'm alive. You're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off of you...♫"

I can hear humming. And from the feel of it, it's coming from Peter. Does he know it? Can he sing it? Can I get him to sing it? I start humming along with him but loud enough to get his attention.

"♪Pardon the way that I stare. There's nothing else to compare. The sight of you leaves me weak. There are no words left to speak. But if you feel like I feel. Please let me know that it's real. You're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off of you...♫"

He's been eyeing me and I can't help blushing. The chorus part is next and I at least know that bit. If I do it...maybe he will too. Here goes nothing.

"♪I love you baby, and if it's quite all right. I need you, baby, to warm the lonely night. I love you, baby. Trust in me when I say: Oh pretty baby, don't bring me down I pray. Oh pretty baby, now that I found you, stay. And let me love you, baby, let me love you...♫"

His blush is intense but the grin beats out any bashfulness. He picks up right at the break like a pro.

"♪You're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off of you. You'd be like heaven to touch. I wanna hold you so much. At long last love has arrived. And I thank God I'm alive. You're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off of you...♫"

His movement is getting a bit faster. More expressive. I have to hold on around his neck just to keep from losing balance. This has the effect of making him really getting into it.

"♪I love you baby, and if it's quite all right. I need you, baby, to warm the lonely night. I love you, baby. Trust in me when I say: Oh, pretty baby, don't bring me down, I pray. Oh pretty baby, now that I found you, stay. Oh, pretty baby, trust in me when I say: I need you, baby, when will you come my way? Oh pretty baby, now that I found you, stay. And let me love you, baby, let me love you...!♫"

*cluck*

He ends what was a simple sway dance with a twirl and dip that fries my mind due to the intimate position. However, his eyes aren't on me. I look to follow his gaze when everything goes blank. Peter pulls me up and into a kiss...like a real kiss, mouth on mouth. The part of me that wants this to stop is deafened by the internal screaming of what feminine side of me that has yearned for such a moment. The second I give any indication that I'm okay with this, his grip becomes iron tight and likely will bruise. The kiss breaks at my slight wincing. Those eyes...So intense...These are the eyes of wild Peter.

"Ahem..."

TK looks as though he's gonna vomit.

"B-Break time is over."

I nod, giving Peter a small cheek kiss before having to use my turn to get him to let go. I head into the kitchen and once more put on the apron I so loath.

"Well...um..."

Poor TK. No doubt they saw that whole scene and are shocked.

"That was unexpected."

"For you and me both. I'm sorry about that. This has been a very awkward interaction."

"Yeah...Between the neck thing and this...heh...Your boyfriend is a real piece of work."

I rub my arm sheepishly and they get nervous.

"What? What is it? What did he do? Do you need me to do something?"

The lump in my throat is very hard to swallow.

"C-Can...Can Peter tag along with us?"

They look as though I've sucker-punched them.

"You want him to come hang out with us?"

I can feel my nerves going off in alarm.

"I know it's the biggest dick move to pull considering our history and I feel like a massive bastard for asking. But I can't deny either of you my time. I miss being with you and he is my boyfriend. For better or worse, this means I'm the factor that connects us all. So please..."

I drop to my knees.

"Put the feelings aside for one night. Please...TK..."

The sound of my nails clawing on the tile makes them kneel and hold my hands still.

"Calm down. It's going to be okay. Don't lose control...I'll do it...He can come. Just look at me. Look at me, Lynsie."

It's a lot harder to do when my insides are fighting themselves, my body wants to ignore orders and the brain stresses trying to get it in line. But I do as they want.

"I don't want you to feel bad about anything. We're best friends. I should be able to look past my wants and be able to help you. That's the least I can do."

They let my hands go to wipe my eyes. I couldn't hold the tears in this time.

"I can't stand seeing you cry."

"S-Sorry..."

"Why are you sorry? My dumb ass is the one that made you upset."

"But I'm the one that's putting you in an uncomfortable position."

They sigh.

"Let's just forget it. We still have a little bit left to go. Afterward, we can chill and goof around like we used to."

"*sniffle* Okay."

After a little hug to get out of this funk, we continue our shifts for the remainder we had left. Peter stayed at his booth and was surprised when I told him he was given the okay to join us. It was almost like he was expecting me to give him bad news. I couldn't dwell on it long. Just as our time to leave drew near the crowd began to come back in force. Nothing like hungry students looking at you with disgust thinking they'll never have to do shit like this to really brighten a day or make you want to strangle teenagers. Thank god I wasn't like that at their age. By the time Alisha and Kit-Cat clock in I am so very tempted to run by each asshole with my middle fingers held strongly in their faces. But crazy impulses like that are better left to the imagination...I still need this damn job.

"All set?"

"Yep."

"Thank god. Wait...What's tomorrow like? Half or full-day?"

"Full day."

"I hate that I'm both okay and not okay with that."

We walk out and Peter is as ready as a puppy that knows what "walkies" means. He follows us out to the lot and I help move the seat forward so I can get in the back, no point in making his tall butt compress into such a small space. It's just what happens when your friend has a two-door mini cooper, sometimes it's fine and other times you have to be double-jointed to sit comfortably. The ride is smooth. No bumps jamming my foot up my ass or awkward chit-chat. It's actually a very quiet ride. I would've asked for the radio but I didn't want to break the silence. Arriving at our destination, I'm reminded of how shitty these complexes look on the outside, the insides most times aren't so bad, but the outside is garbage.

"This is where you live?"

Peter thinks aloud and TK calls them out.

"My guy, I'm gender-fluid, a person of color, and I work at a greasy spoon diner. Does it sound like I can afford a fancy apartment building?"

"...Shutting up now."

"Smart move, sweetie."

We go up the outer stairs to the door at the end of the path, there are only two doors, and head inside. It's like nothing has changed since I last was here, hell, I bet the TV remote has stayed in that spot on the coffee table the entire time. But that's how cramped studio apartments be sometimes.

"Home, sweet home. Well, I know it's not much but...It's not much."

I give him a thumbs up.

"It's plenty, my dude."

"Cool. Set up the system while I pop some unhealthy crap in the oven because it tastes amazing."

The dude speaks my lingo.

"Can do."

TK goes to the kitchen area and I crouch around the TV looking for plugs. Looks like someone got Mario Kart 8 Deluxe since the last time I was here. Gonna get noise complaints for all the wrong reasons 'cause of that game. Ah, here's the damn thing. Now to change out the DVD player and...Done. I stand back up and nearly tumble into the TV because I bump into something, luckily I'm able to grab the side cabinets for support. Looking behind me, what I "bumped" into turns out to be Peter who is just standing behind me though his arms are out like he was going to attempt to grab me in my fumble.

"Careful, darling. You don't want to hurt yourself."

I wave off the weirdness.

"My bad. I didn't know you were behind me."

"No, it's my bad. I shouldn't have been so close without you knowing. You just looked so cute, I wanted to hug you."

I swear...This dork...I give him the hug he sought and his returning embrace is much softer than the last time his hands were on me.

"So..."

TK hops over and onto the couch.

"You guys good with pizza?"

"Fuck yeah!"

I part from Peter to take a seat next to TK. Peter joins us, having me scoot over so he sits in the middle.

"Sounds fine to me."

I snicker at this. Clearly, there's a power play being made with Peter asserting himself like this. Honestly, it's kinda nice knowing he's doing it for me. I'm not used to this kind of thing so it's very flattering. TK, bless their heart, does their best to ignore this.

"You guys ready to Smash?"

Peter's eyes widen as I just grin.

"Dude, you are just begging for a pounding."

Peter flinches and TK gets the controllers, this has him letting out a sigh of relief. Wow, the silly boy has his head in the gutter.

"Remind me when twenty minutes pass."

"I'll set an alarm."

I fiddle with my phone as TK gets the game going. For the most part, the game is insanity. Peter spends much of the matches beating on TK and then handing me the win. A long talk had to be given just to ensure matches will be playable. But once that's taken care of things are way more entertaining.

*beep-beep-beep-beep*

My phone goes off and turning it off costs me a life to Peter's Final Smash as TK's slow to pause the game trying to get out of the way. TK gets up to deal with the food. I do a little stretch to feel good.

"You do that a lot."

I look at Peter.

"The stretching, I mean."

"Sorry. Is it bugging you?"

"N-No no. I understand it's like a stress release. I'm just concerned that you do it so often."

I pout and look to the floor. He goes into "shit, I fucked up" mode and tries to fix this.

"I can help! I-If that's okay with you?"

"...How?"

He rubs the back of his head.

"Well...I could give you back rub."

Hmmm...I suppose that would be good. Hopefully, he can work some knots out. I shift around, turning my back to him and moving my hair out of the way.

"If you think you can help, by all means...Would you kindly?"

The feel of his warm hands resting on my lower back is pleasant. One moves up, gently pushing me down to lay over myself and the armrest.

"Let me know if I use too much force. Okay?"

I nod and he lifts my shirt a little, stopping at where my bra is. His hands return to my lower back, sandwiching my spine between them. Slowly he presses upward firmly with his entire hand toward the middle back, then lifts his hands and does it again. It's almost like his rolling me like dough. A smile curls my lips and slight purrs leave me.

"Alright you two, break it up..."

TK comes around with two pepperoni, mushroom, and onion pizzas. A dull amused smirk on them.

"If anyone is getting action on my couch, it should at least be me."

Peter blushes a bit but looks annoyed. I sit back up and pull my shirt back down.

"A back rub counts as scoring now?"

He shrugs.

"Eh, might as well. This is the most ass that's been on it in ages."

I snicker as he puts it down and we grab slices. Oh my god, being able to eat so much in a day is such a good feeling. I can't keep this up. I need to talk with Lucy. She needs to pitch in more or...Or I'll call in the big dog to have her kicked. But I can't afford that place on my own. That's what's killing me now. Argh! Why does everything have to be so complicated?!

"Darling..."

I jump being brought out of thought.

"Heh...Zoned out?"

I weakly smile.

"Sorry."

Peter taps his crust to my nose with a playful smirk. I surprise both chuckleheads when I snap the crust in my mouth.

"*muffled* Mine now."

I just get flustered looks as I eat.

"Yeah...She does that. Did it to me once. I offered her a french fry and instead of grabbing it, she just leaned over and took it in her mouth."

"You don't say..."

I gulp the crust down and ignore what I just did.

"So, gentlemen, we gaming or what?"

Things get back on track slowly. Eating pizza and playing games. Mindless repetition and the occasional injection of feel goodness for winning all while being around great dudes. The perfect distraction from my dumpster fire of a life.

"Oh! I almost forgot..."

TK blurts out.

"Mom wanted to know if you'll be here when they show up this month."

"Bio-mom or step?"

"Bio-mom."

"I mean, I can try. It depends on the work schedule. Why?"

"She said something about 'measuring'? I think she might be dress shopping again."

I groan.

"Not another one. I feel bad enough that I don't wear the one she got me last time."

Peter becomes intrigued.

"You have a dress?"

"TK's mom got me one once. They were having a family gathering and I was TK's plus one."

"Mom wanted us gussied up because we were going to some fancy eatery. But our girl here isn't big on wearing girly stuff. So...She got her a dress and, no lie, it was like looking at a completely different person."

TK pauses the game and pulls their phone out, scrolling through till they find photos which they then share. In the photo are many people, but the main focus is me in a simple grey pencil dress and my hair is down...but still in sneakers. Peter's eyes lock on that image as if burning it to his memory before looking at me.

"And you still have that?"

"Yeah. But it's not like I have a reason to wear it."

"Would you wear it for me?"

I shrug.

"I dunno. Maybe."

The sheer excitement on his face, if it could be harnessed like energy, it would be enough to launch a rocket to the moon. I decide to change the conversation before he gets too crazy.

"How is the fam doing, TK?"

"You know...Big family doing all sorts of stuff. Adopted parents doing good. Biological parents doing good. And I haven't heard anything bad from my four siblings so that's good. Have you heard anything on your end?"

I shake my head.

"If they've been trying, I don't know about it. Not that I want to anyway."

"Even your dad and bro? I thought they were cool?"

"They have their own things to deal with. I'm not about to bug them."

Peter hands TK back their phone.

"I didn't know you had siblings."

I nod.

"I'm a middle child. I have an older brother and a younger half-sister. My parents got divorced when I was eight. What about you, sweetie? What's your family situation?"

Peter looks away at the floor.

"Do you want me to be honest?"

"I'd prefer it, yeah. Unless it makes you uncomfortable. Then you don't have to say anything."

He puts his hands on his knees.

"I don't have the best relationship with my family. I don't know my dad. My mom is a real piece of work that I wish was dead. A sick demented woman who enjoys toying with others' lives. And my younger sister...I hate her."

There's real venom as he spits those words out. His hands grip his knees hard, knuckles whitening and finger digging type hard. I put my arm around his shoulders and he flinches.

"Looks like me and you are in the same messed-up boat."

He looks at me funny.

"I doubt you're family is as messed up as mine."

I shoot TK a look.

"My dude, better bust out the caffeine. I'm about to possibly trigger myself here."

TK nods and heads for the fridge. I lean on Peter.

"I'm not from this area. I moved here about four months ago after finishing college. I had to get away from my family before the bad thoughts pulled me back to a place where few ever return from."

Peter's face grows in curious concern as TK comes to me with soda.

"Thanks."

"Take your time, girl. There's no rushing on telling this story."

TK knows my history. They know how fucked up this gets.

"How to start...*sigh* I'm the product of my parents thinking a second kid would save a failing marriage. My father was drunk before the divorce, he's gotten much better and is thus cool. But mom was doing and dealing pot, then having an affair with my future half-sister's sperm donor. They split up, and baby daddy dickhead gets mom hooked on crack. We lost everything. Had to move in with my grandparents, that's eight people in a two-bedroom single-wide trailer. Their drug habit kept up, money was tight, they stole from even us kids. My bro finally flew the coop when they sold his car. I didn't have a way out so, heh, my ass got stuck in that shit."

I take a couple of deep gulps of the drink.

"Mom finally ditched that turd when she discovered he was cheating on her after her sixteenth felony arrest. In all of that time, I saw family die, multiple arrests, people change, and was emotionally drained to where I attempted suicide maybe five or six times."

Another few chugs of soda go down.

"I finally snapped when my 'always got her way' sister began bitching how she was owed because she never got anything and began to emotionally blackmail my mom. Bitch! You always had a birthday! They stopped celebrating mine at age thirteen, like why bother? Don't spout such crap like you weren't a spoiled brat! This bitch was so petty she took the family photo albums and left them at a friend's house who then burned them. All those memories, things I don't recall like my grandparents' faces or moments of actual joy caught on film...Gone."

A really hard swig of cola later.

"*sigh* I rounded up every dollar I had or could find and left. I had managed to have decent enough grades to get into college under a scholarship. Got a degree in literature with a major in Greek Mythology, so that helps in writing and random trivia, but not much else. Why else do you think I work as a waitress?"

I finish the can, crush it, and let it drop to the floor.

"So to make a long rant short, my family is shit and I'm a mess. I don't blame you if you decide that's too much baggage to deal with and want out. There are far less broken people out there that would make for better partners than me. I just hope we can still be friends."

Peter doesn't say a word. His unblinking stare is unsettling. I said too much. My first real boyfriend and I fucked it up by spouting out all that. Damn it...I can't do anything right. I'm about to apologize when he stands up and takes me by the wrist, pulling me towards the bathroom...the only room with a door. TK stands up in worry but I mouth back "I'll be fine" to keep them from following, though I'm willing to bet they'll hover at the door. Once in the bathroom, Peter pins me against the door and I look in his eyes...his watering eyes...Oh shit.

"Peter?"

"Did all of that really happen to you?"

My throat is tightening in fear...Fear that I've upset him. I nod.

"And yet after all that...You're still so very..."

His arms wrap around me and he presses himself as close as he can for this hold.

"I am so sorry...Never again. Never again will you have to go through such hell. I promise."

Then does that mean...I didn't scare him away?

"*meek* You still want to be with me?"

He presses his brow to mine so we lock watery gazes with one another.

"The undeserving would leave after hearing all that. But you are my love, my other half, my one and only. I will never leave you. Before I met you, I...I remember feeling empty. Nothingness. Blank. Like every second I lived I was in a waiting room just passing time till death. I saw happy couples and wished I could feel what they did. That they didn't know how good they have it. I just felt I guess okay with being alone forever. Not happy about it but...accepting of it. That it was just how it was and the way it would always be...but then I met you. I'm happier to be alive now, darling. And I have you to thank for that. So...I will always be at your side to have and to hold, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness, in health, to love and to cherish for as long as we both shall live."

Did he just use wedding vows? I don't know what to say about that. His devotion and genuine care are so foreign to me yet I want nothing more. I know that emptiness. That sting of seeing others' happiness and wondering why I couldn’t know that feeling. The pain of giving up on knowing what it means to be loved. I move my arms as much as I can in his embrace to return the hold, gripping him tight.

"*weak* Peter..."

"Yes, Lyns-...?!"

I cut him off with something expected...a kiss. I had to do this with my eyes shut to keep from becoming overwhelmingly bashful, but from the feel of it, he is just as surprised I did it as much as I am. My eyes open as I break the kiss and his partly lidded hazy eyes provoke a shudder from me. He grins.

"Darling...That was rather bold of you."

I blush at his deepening tone.

"Y-You did it first. Remember?"

"Oh, how could I ever forget~?"

He licks his teeth hungrily.

"I'll admit...I gave in to impulse when that happened. The moment was perfect and I just had to know that feeling. That deliciously sweet feeling of your lips on mine..."

A long heated exhale hits my face.

"I was going to wait till we were back to your place to ask for a kiss. I wasn't sure how my spur-of-the-moment one made you feel. But now...Heheheh...Now I know that you're not just understanding, but you feel the same way about me as I do you."

His holds shifts, hands dropping down to hold my ass and lifting my paralyzed form up to be more level with him between my trembling legs.

"Oh, darling, there's no need to be nervous. I only want to make you feel good."

He leans into my neck, his long tongue traces the curve of my neck in one slow and lingering lick.

"Tell me...Was I your first kiss?"

I shiver.

"K-Kind of, I guess? I...I kissed a boy when I was small. B-But it was a stupid kid kiss! It meant nothing. I felt nothing, I swear."

He rumbles deep for a moment.

"I understand, sun spot. We do silly things as kids without thinking. It's fine."

"R-Really?"

He kisses my cheek.

"Of course. This means I AM your first true kiss. Though now I'm curious..."

He nips at my ear.

"Just how many firsts am I going to be for you~?"

A strange shiver racks my spine.

"Wrap your legs around me, darling."

I shake my head.

"Darling...Would you kindly do as I say?"

That's right...The game...We never finished. But still...

"We agreed we wouldn't do sexual things in the game."

"And we won't. I swear. You know I won't force you."

I adjust to this new position he's got me in, wrapping my arms around his neck and hooking my legs around his waist as asked. A contented grin on his lips.

"Your turn, dear."

I don't like how things are going. He's being honest and holding off from doing worse requests, but still, I don't want to know how creative he can get.

"Would you kindly...allow the game to end?"

A slightly perturbed look comes to him.

"Is that what you really want?"

I nod and he sighs.

"Very well...If that's my darling wants...?"

I nod again.

"The game can end...If...We can kiss one more time."

"...And that's all?"

He nods.

"...Okay."

I mean, it's not like anything super nutty can happen from a kiss. Or so I think. His lips claim mine in heated tenderness and I'm pressed harder into the door. It's soft at first and then picks up with a swift intensity that makes me cling to him as the only solid thing as a mind-melting wave washes over me. His insistent mouth nips at my lips, making them part for continued ease and having me all a quiver. It's so conflicting to my brain how this is working on me. The slightest movement of his lips or the squeeze to my rear and thighs sends wild tremors along my nerves. Evoking sensations I had never known or were capable of feeling. Yet before I even knew why he was giving off faint moans, I am caressing the back of his head and returning the kiss with my own wanting whimpers.

"*lusty* God, I love you...Everything about you makes me want to do the most horrible things to your body~."

The shudder he causes me to have rocked my body in his very pleased hold, I stop the kiss so that I can calm my erratic heart by resting in the base of his neck.

"Mmmmmm...Do you feel it, Lynsie? That pang? Like a knife plunged into your heart and twisting? So painful and yet so delightful. That's how you make me feel."

I nuzzle and lightly kiss his neck, the soft feathery sweetness almost has him buckling to his knees.

"*shudder* D-Darling, careful...I don't want to drop you."

"*breathy* Peter..."

He flinches.

"Y-Yes?"

"Will we be cuddle buddies tonight?"

His grip on me gives out and I drop, my legs land at an angle and my face slides down his waist till my nose flicks off his pants to snap my head back into the door, ending with what looks like me about to give an awkward blowjob. The sight has him panic with the reddest of faces.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I just...Are you okay? You're not hurt are you?"

I rub my sore nose.

"I'm fine. I've had worst happen. I once took a metal baseball bat in full force swing to the forehead and still didn't go to the doctor."

"...What?"

"If you look real close, you can see the scar right in the center."

He leans down and squints for a moment before his eyes widen.

"Darling, I love you, but you are starting to worry me."

I just smile.

*knock-knock-knock-knock*

"You guys okay? I heard something hit the door."

Oh right, we're in TK's bathroom. Mega awkward.

"All's fine, TK. Just banged my head is all. Mind helping me up, sweetie? Kinda in a weird spot like this."

"Right! Sorry."

He pulls my dumb butt off the floor.

"Thank you, dear."

I kiss his cheek and he gives a goofy smile. Funny how this is the same man who a moment ago was this dominating wild force and the next became a defective weeble wobble that fell down. We exit the bathroom to the relief of a flustered TK. I don't know what they heard, but the dude definitely heard something and is avoiding eye contact because of it. I do my best not to be stupid and make things any more awkward while here, which is for another couple of hours.

With pizza long since eaten, games played to the point of rage quitting due to bullshit, and the time getting late, the idea is tossed out that going home is probably a good thing. So we pile into the car and head off to my place. A lot has happened today. A lot of stuff is on my mind. A lot of stuff to process. By the time we get there my head is spinning.

"You alright? You look paler than usual."

"Yeah. Just...stuff on my mind."

Peter helps me out of the car and I'm a little confused when he doesn't go back in.

"Don't want a lift?"

TK asks.

"I can walk. Besides, a real man walks his darling to the door."

I snicker at his flirtatiousness and wave off TK.

"See you tomorrow, buddy."

"Later, girl."

They drive off as Peter escorts me up to my apparent, his arm slipping around my back and tucking his hand in my back pocket.

"Having fun back there?"

"I don't hear you telling me to stop."

We exchange side-glances while climbing the stairs.

"You know...We never said who won the game."

"In a way, it was kind of a tie. But...If we count my forfeit at the start, despite you ignoring it, then you win."

We come to a stop at my door and his hand leaves me.

"I win, huh? And what was that prize again?"

I smirk.

"You know what it was, naughty boy. So don't play coy and tell me...What is it that you want me to do for you?"

He ponders for a moment before smirking.

"Okay, I know what I want."

"And that is?"

"Find that dress of yours. You'll be needing it."

Okay, I'm curious.

"Needing it for what?"

He pokes my nose.

"That's a surprise."

I giggle and hold my hands shyly

"So...um...Do you want to come inside? We could cuddle and stuff."

He bites his lip and holds his arm.

"I want to...Lord, I want to...But...I can't."

I pout a little. But I understand. He's got his own life.

"O-Okay. Maybe next time."

"Y-Yeah. Most definitely next time."

He coos as he brings a hand to my cheek.

"Would my darling kindly grant me a kiss goodnight?"

His thumb rubs small circles that get me to nuzzle into his touch.

"Hmmm...Calculating today's EXP...You've unlocked quite a few perks in level two. This being one of them."

He leans down as I close my eyes and get weak in the knees at his lips on mine. How? How did he do this to me? How did he make it so that I feel this way? That I want him to stay. Like I need him to. Is this just how it is to be with someone? To feel pulled to them and wanting nothing more than to get closer? How? How did he do this? What spell was used? Peter...Tell me...How did you make me burn for you?

He pulls ever so slowly away, making the feeling linger and I fight not to follow it for more. Though his hand on my cheek doesn't help with my feelings. His thumb comes down to trace my lips and my eyes flutter to his delight.

"You make it so hard sometimes, darling...So very hard..."

"Sorry."

He parts from me, he doesn't want to and it shows. I don't say anything.

"Don't be. You're worth it. I'll show you all of my gratitude soon."

He turns on his heel and walks away, giving a small wave back.

"See you later, darling."

"Till we meet again, sweetie."

I wait till he's gone before going inside. My heart is wanting to explode and my mind won't let me think of anything else but him...I feel truly happy.

"Hey, Hun..."

All of that ends at the sound of Lucy's voice.

"You look like you had a good day."

I see she's got her bong out and just openly using it as if she wants us to lose our home. No...Don't let her get to you. You had an amazing time. Focus on that.

"Work was the same bull. But I hung out with TK and Peter so, yeah, I'm feeling great."

She smiles.

"That's good. Those boys do you wonders."

"It's hard to find good people like them. I feel lucky."

"And me?"

Maybe she's high and feeling sensitive? I don't know.

"...You have some good qualities."

She claps with joy. I roll my eyes. I'll deal with her when she's back from being a child.

"Do we still have that pizza you got yesterday?"

I head for the kitchen to check.

"Oooh...um...I sorta finished off a box."

I pause.

"Was there only one?"

"No. There were two boxes."

"Then where's the second box?"

"I bumped into...ah, what's the landlord's name...Don! Yeah! I bumped into Don! He was all up my ass so I offered him the food to get him off my back."

I look back at her feeling new and renewed levels of pissed.

"What? You've seen him. He looked like he needed it."

I...I can't be mad at that.

"*sigh* Okay. Don't stay up too late or set the place on fire."

"Yes, mom!"

I head for my room, might as well use what's left of my free time for myself before bed. The cool evening breeze from the window is nice. I begin to tidy up. No point in letting this mess get worse. Peter probably gave me a pass the other night because it was the first visit. No way I can get away with a mess like this twice. I separate things by use, every day use goes to the dresser and things for the closet. This was a good idea. I discovered that dress tucked in a box on the little shelf in the closet. But...I also take notice of some oddities. Strange scuff marks on the inside of the closet and a weird smell, along with stains that I can not begin to guess what they are. A new cleaning chore has been added to my night.

{Several Hours Later}

It's nearly midnight and I am finally relaxing after finishing my self-given chores. I cleaned my entire room in a rare OCD impulse. Found more oddness that I've taken care of. The roses now have a real vase to sit in and the ribbon once more tied around them, I didn't want to ruin it. I use the box to hold my drawing things that otherwise would be scattered. The napkin crane Peter made me I found in my side table drawer and I have no memory of ever seeing it out of the diner, it now sits with the roses. My collection of manga and miscellaneous books are neatly ordered, manage by date of purchase of the first issue while the others by subject. My GameDaddy is set up to charge as it updates, damn the WiFi signal sucks so it might take a longer time than expected. The digital wall-mounted clock I got from my dad is set for 6 AM and the batteries are new. Heh...He gave it to me as a farewell gift, said he didn't need it since he was gonna count every second till he was able to see me again...I need to give him a call.

"*yawn*"

Guess the sleeping pills are finally kicking in. That shower must've helped too cause I'm all sorts of relaxed. I set my laptop aside and put it away, sent some messages to the family I don't think are douchebags before mindlessly zoning out on R/ videos. I shut the window, lock it, and close the curtains. A nice little stretch and joint popping to turn my body to mush before turning off the light then settling down. If I pass out now I can have at least eight or seven hours of sleep. Just enough to be healthy.

*creak-creak*

The ceiling is making sounds? Huh...Probably just the building showing its age. Or that other thing. What was it again? Oh! The upper floor is unfinished. Yeah. I remember workmen doing stuff up there. If it's not locked up then maybe there are rats, squirrels, or raccoons running around. I'll let the Landlord know about it before I go to work.

I shut my eyes and let my mind wander...Peter...I smile.

…

(an ominous shadow slowly appears in the window)

(the shadow has something in its hands and the window lightly jostles)

(a soft click sounds and the shadow opens the window)

(the ominous shadowy figure enters the bedroom)

[betweentheracks]

Hello and yay for this blog!!! I have a question :D. If a certain Chinese star were to wear jeans that say "my cock is gluten free" and "pull me down and fuck me," do you think his stylist would have chosen this knowingly, or do you think it's possible they just were like "hmm english words looks good" and didn't bother to look up the meaning? If they did know the meaning, would they have likely informed the star? Very desperate for the thought process behind this Choice hehehe. Thank you!

Ah, I was wondering hoping if I would get asked about those infamous jeans and here you are!

First and foremost; the following is all speculation from my experiences in the business and is wholly subjective. 

It isn’t impossible that they weren’t aware of what was written on the jeans, but it also isn’t all that likely either. When you pull up these jeans on the Dsquared2 site there’s a listing of what is doodled and written on the jeans and it’s not something that would be overlooked by neither stylist nor client. 

That said, Yibo does know some English and while he may not have known these words exactly, there’s more than enough ways of discerning their meaning. I would also bet half a year of my salary that his stylist would have known what was written here, or any number of personnel that works with them for that matter. I would also take into consideration that even if the jeans had slipped by all these people that may or may not have had the ability to see what was all over them, some of Yibo’s fellow idols should have (looking at you specifically, Seungyoun).

Setting this aside for a moment, I’ll go into who I think is responsible for the jeans being worn to begin with - Wang Yibo himself is the likely culprit. 

Why do I think this? There’s many reasons but most are inconsequential while two points frame the scene as I see it. 

This is markedly not a choice a stylist would make. Stylists, at the end of it all, are employees and therefore it shouldn’t be too surprising to know we have rules in place we must abide no matter if we are working outside the purview of the company we are housed under. Even when we work exclusively with a client, we are still taking the name of our company as well as our own with us and are operating as an extension of the brand the company promotes and promises. I don’t know of any company here (and I live in rather free faring place which welcomes eccentricities, mind) that would allow these jeans to be submitted as part of a pitch to either buy or borrow unless they were very specifically in line with a client’s public image and style. Technically these jeans would classify as offensive and profane which means they would invite trouble and cause a stir. While stylists are not associated much with the PR side of things we are still essentially a team playing for the same client - this selection, if gone badly, would be like asking for lightning to strike twice in one place at the same time. If a scandal amounted from them PR would have to handle it and that means the stylist would come under fire for making such a bold and risky choice, most especially with a younger client that thus far didn’t have the sort of image one would think to associate with jeans such as these. 

The second reason is that, from what I can tell, this is in line with Yibo’s personality. He’s very serious about style and engages with it as he does most things; by overtaking it completely and rebranding it to suit him to the point that it makes one wonder if the style wasn’t designed with him in mind. He makes full use of what fashion is all about at it’s core; expression. These jeans in particular would have suited the Yibo of the time he wore them (2018, if I remember right?) as he was trying to break away from the image he held as a pretty boy with demure and soft looks which held the shock value of being in such contrast with his dancing and rapping. He’s mentioned before that he doesn’t really like being “cute/sy” and having to do things in the way of that since it’s not true to who he feels he is. Which, honestly, a lot of idols and stars go through this experience where they no longer wish to be constrained by the persona they play for the public and one of the most impactful means of going about it is to address the styling since it is the focal point of public image. 

The Dsquared2 jeans don’t only say “my cock is gluten free,” there’s actually quite a lot to them and I think it would help if more were aware of it so here’s the description of them on the website: 

D Squared Limited Edition Jeans. Sexy Twist Printed Low Rise. Fun, Evil Boy, Love Sucks, Pull Me Down, Open Me, Unzip, Buttons, Wine Is My Water, Tic Tac Toe, Dean & Dan, Sex, Gluten Free Cock, Hot Patches

The jeans actually say “pull me down and fuck me” right there on the ass, but naturally they can’t list the expletives in the marketing. Not strictly important to this post, but still worth mentioning given the hushed treatment of what the placement of such words could easily imply and the effect that could have had. 

Anyway, the bit that is very telling in my opinion is that “evil boy” tag. I’m not terribly certain due to having never been fortunate enough to work with these jeans myself and the internet only has so many pictures from so many angles, but “evil boy” is either written somewhere (which I think is the case since there’s devil horns present as well) or they’re being promoted as such for aesthetic value. Regardless, I am fairly certain this would be the feature which caught Yibo’s eye. It’s on brand for someone seeking to shatter the conceptual ideal of being naive, innocent, youthful, or soft.

The jeans as a whole fit with Yibo’s sense of humor, as I’ve seen it at least. He lost his mind and fell into full laughter and hysterics over a dick joke, not even minding that he was being filmed or anything. He was still laughing about it even after the other hosts had moved beyond it, making them circle back around to it and in turn making it all the more hilarious for him to enjoy. You can see it clearly in the bts footage from the CQL set that he enjoys being mischievous and stirring things up and having a good time. 

This is who he is, I believe, and it makes a lot of sense for him to have made this stylistic choice and then either convince his stylist to let him run with it or change out at the last second. Both of these are possible, though one of them is less probable than the other given how tricky it actually would be to sneak a wardrobe alteration past the many people that make up the staffing roster for any events, and then to be able to change in the limited time frame available between exiting the dressing room to being in the public sphere would be one in a thousand. Much simpler to goad your stylist into being lenient enough to give you free reign over your own styling - we can only hold out and say no when the grounds for it are met, which this wouldn’t have done in all likelihood - and most of the time we build up a good enough relationship and rapport with clients that we end up doting on them a bit and heed their requests when we can.

That’s all from me on this token moment in Yibo’s very stacked fashion history. Thanks for asking!

Furthermore, there’s the third possibility that this wasn’t a styling choice whatsoever. Or at least not one that involved the stylist in any real regard. It is very plausible that this was just Yibo in his own clothes, having dressed down after the main events wound down. I’ve never actually watched to see what that night looked like overall, but from the videos I have seen it looked to me like the actual do had passed and they were all just goofing around and having their own dance competitions and such when he was wearing them. I can’t say for sure that he did or did not have them on for the whole thing or if they were his own self packed casual wear. In which case it would fall back to his studio to tend to since stylists generally don’t hold authority over personal clothing choices and only ever have a hand in it when it is expressly stated in contracts or temporary clauses, and it just isn’t too common anymore. 

Worth a quick mention for means of distinction, here in the US this choice wouldn't have raised many eyebrows no matter if it was chosen by an artist or a stylist. The only reason I feel it necessary to say this is simply because this is not so in China and that alone lends context to the controversy of these jeans. In the scope of conservatism these jeans are outrageous and I think that a stylist would steer clear of utilizing them at all if they value their job. This is why I don't consider it likely at all that Yibo and his stylist collaborated to make use of these jeans as a way to shake away the remnants of his pretty boy aesthetic.

[azureflight]

My entire friend group have uninstalled WoW and started FF14

It still feels surreal we are doing this. Now, it is perfectly possible that we will be back to WoW within the month, talking about how disappointing the “weeb game” was, but, this stills feels like a seminal moment.

I have been a Warcraft fan since I was a literal kid trying (and failing :P) to play Tides of Darkness on my aunt’s desktop. I spent so many hours and so much of my allowance playing Reign of Chaos in internet cafes. 

When WOTLK trailer dropped, we had hijacked the computer lab and projected it to the auditorium for all to see. 

I have been part of real life, unironic Horde vs Alliance infighting in college gaming clubs. I remember us all wearing Horde/Alliance merch, enthusiastically and rather foolishly, but completely seriously, arguing about lore, about who did what wrong and who was “more at fault”.

I own, almost every single Warcraft book, comic, guide ever published. I own hard copies, I own digital copies. I have watched and read and listened to every single piece of lore ever produced about this setting.

I have kept my sub up and played through all of the content draught, the infamous SoO, the practically less than 2 patch worth expac that was WoD.

I have allowed my sub to lapse for the first time during BFA. 

I was so hyped for Shadowlands back when it was announced, and was annoyed when they changed the release date, causing me to waste my vacation time that I had taken for it. But a mere month of the expac in and I was already bored of it. And now, 9.1 is out and I am done. I barely played this patch and I have not only cancelled my sub, but went and removed the game from my PC.

Maybe this is a stupid overreaction and in the next patch, at the worst the next expac, I will be right back at the fur shop like the old fox I am. However, I know it feels different.

Throughout the years, I had many a thing that frustrated me about this game. Made me rage even. But I hadn’t quit then. No. The feeling that has been creeping up on me, isn’t rage. It is disinterest. I just, don’t care anymore. 

Most of my friends over the years have switched to the Horde and this has been a sore spot for me. I stuck with Alliance, having some alts to play with them, and they had some Alliance alts to play with me, but... It wasn’t the same, it wasn’t enough. Several online friends, I had already lost contact with.

And now we are all gathering in FF14! I had the discord chat of my life! So many people I hadn’t talked to in years, on top of my actual real life friends whom I hang out with, are all jumping into this new journey.

My best friend’s progression guild is looking to make a full guild transfer, currently all of them except one have characters and a guild in FF, trying to convince the last guy to make the switch.

And then there is the lore. That’s why I fell in love with this setting in the first place. I loved this story, the cheese, the heroism, the over the topness, all of it. It was never “high art”, but it was unique in its own way, it had heart and it had characters and stories that I got invested in. Deeply so. I hadn’t start playing WoW because I was a connoisseur of MMORPG genre and “calculated it to be the best among its contemporaries”. I dived head first in Vanilla because it was Warcraft.

And now, I honestly cannot bring myself to care about this story, or its characters, other than a passing resentment. This was not the case, less than a year ago. I had bought the bloody Shadows Rising novel, I had read it and I liked it.

Now I am just, over it. This sense was rising, this sense of feeling less and less care for it, as expac after expac went in wildly nonsensical directions. But I had things that I had liked well enough to keep at it and have hope, hope for a good enough story that would keep me engaged. But I lost it. Something broke in 9.1.

I guess I realized, or rather I perceive, that the actual writers of this story do not care about it and none of it matters. There is no story. There is no plot, no continuity. Just an endless stream of “cool” shots in cinematics that ultimately don’t matter because, it has no basis and it has no relevance. It exists because someone wanted to make this cool scene, without caring what came before it, or what will come after it. Each scene exist, not to progress a cohesive story, but simply because someone wanted it to exist. And the next “cool” piece will flagrantly retcon the last one, ignoring or outright invalidating the stakes and hooks that had been set up in the previous one. 

This is no longer a story of people, who were dramatic and weird and fantastical, but ultimately people. No. This is now a check list of what someone wanted to do in WoW setting and all the characters are empty puppets and all the plots matter only as much as they matter in any given single cinematic or questline. There is no pay off, and there is no logic. Characters aren’t allowed to live and react. Things only happen because the author said so, and the characters just bend and transform to do their bidding. And they feel no reason to explain nor establish as to why a character acts the way they do, let alone trying to make it believable or internally justified.

The gameplay aspect is the least important to me, the exact opposite of the majority. But I am sick and tired being punished with powerlessness for what I like story wise or aesthetically. I am sick and tired needing to read through guides upon guides, copying meta builds, just to have my class be remotely playable.

And most importantly, I am sick and tired of a game that will put me through genocide, deny me justice and vengeance under the guise of need for cooperation and then deny me playing with my friends across factions.

Now I get to play with all of my friends without jumping over the hoops or giving up on what I love. Because there are no stupid factions in FF14. And I can play multiple classes without hating myself.

I had several favorite characters in this game. They are still, mostly, alive. But do I care about them anymore? Jaina, Anduin, Sylvanas, Turalyon, Tyrande, Genn... No. I don’t care and it doesn’t even hurt anymore, it just feels like I had wasted my time and money. It feels exactly like how I felt during season 8 of GoT. An empty feeling of waste, so I leave.

Will I care about the characters or the story in FF14? I don’t know. I don’t think I will stick around if I don’t. But will I go back to WoW? A piece of me wants to hope for a superb turn around, but... Honestly? I don’t see it happening. And anything less than an epic turn around that fixes all of this, the lore, the classes, the playerbase division? I won’t bother anymore.

So off to the greener pastures! Maybe I will come crawling back within the blink of an eye, eating this post, repenting for ever having left. Maybe... I just don’t think so.