#i have such a clear vision of her in my head so why cant i draw her

[autumnation]

everyday I think about Ally and miss her

[eatmeandbirthmeagain]

Could I make one where Balwin's wife is pregnant but during childbirth she is surprised and it is not a single baby, if it is not 3 triplets and they are chubby and pink, what will be people's reaction?

♡ Sweet Surprise - King Baldwin x Reader ♡

♡ Fluff ♡

A/N: Hello Anon! Thank you for the request, I think that this was one of the ones that got deleted by the glitch a little while ago so I'm so sorry about that, but I'm glad you sent it back in so I could complete it! As always, this is based on the film Kingdom Of Heaven, not the real historical figures. Enjoy!

TW: Leprosy, Child Birth

It was exactly one month after the union between the king and queen of Jerusalem that y/n fell pregnant.

After many weeks of trying, it had finally happened.

The young couple were overjoyed, having exceeded all doubts about Baldwin’s fertility due to his illness. It was truely a blessing from the lord Himself and needless to say, the entire kingdom was of the same opinion.

As the months went on, the queen fell heavily pregant. More so than what was expected. This worried the physicians greatly, believing that there may be something wrong.

Y/n was confined to the royal chambers to preserve her health until labour.

Baldwin was destraught. Thinking irrationally, he believed that it had something to do with his disease.

His anxiety grew with each passing day, no matter how many times his queen consoled him and assured him that the situation was no fault of his own.

---------------------

And then, the day came.

The king was out overseeing the construction of a new church in the kingdom when a servant on the back of a large stallion sprinted up to the small group of officials.

“MY LORD MY LORD!” he shouted, leaping down from the horse, panting and tripping overhimself.

“Oh my, are you okay? What is going on?” Baldwin replied, his heart quickening at the thought of an emergency.

“My lord, its the queen, she is in labour!” 

The king and the rest of the small party waisted no time in mounting their horses and cantering back to the castle as fast as possible. 

When they arrived, Baldwin payed no attention to the pain that his body was in. He lept down from the horse, ignoring the surge of agony that shot through his lower body when his feet hit the ground.

He was the first into the castle and ascended the stairs to the royal chambers in no time.

Breathing heavely, he pushed open the doors with the last of his strength before falling to his knees.

Two maids immediately rushed to his side, helping their king to his feet.

“Y/n! Is she okay? Is the baby alright?!” he asked urgently, still panting heavily.

“Baldwin!” y/n called from the bed, “I am alright my love, come see!”.

As the kings vision cleared, the bed that held his wife came into view. As did the baby. And another baby? And another? In the queens arms lay three, healthy, chubby, pink babies who were all sleeping peacefully against their mothers body.

Baldwin gasped, a wide grin quickly spreading across his mask covered face.

The maids helped him to the bed, sitting him down carefully beside his wife.

“They are all healthy sweetheart, thats why my belly was so big! There was nothing wrong, I was just holding triplets!” y/n said, an equally wide smile on her face. 

The young king was lost for words and overcome with nothing but pure joy.

“I- I cant believe it! This is the most amazing day of my life! Oh thank you lord!’’ Baldwin praised, his grin hidden by the mask.

He pressed his forehead against the top of his wifes head, squeezing his eyes shut.

“I cant believe this is happening! I have never been happier” he said, feeling tears of joy welling in his eyes.

Y/n chuckled, “neither can I darling. And I thought we were blessed with one, but THREE!”

Baldwin opened his eyes to look down at his children.

Each one was plump and healthy. Their arorable faces melted his heart.

“There are two boys and one girl” the queen said softly.

“Would you like to hold them?” she asked.

Baldwin thought for a moment, “I dont know if that is a good idea, what if they get sick? I couldnt live with myself if-” 

“Darling” y/n cut him off gently.

“It will be okay. You are clothed and you are wearing your mask. Nothing will happen I can assure you. Allow yourself this moment, you deserve it” she told him with a smile.

He took a deep breath before nodding, leaning against the headboard of the bed and holding out his arms.

One by one, y/n carefully placed each tiny bundle of life in his arms.

Two of them stayed in peaceful sleep but ones eyes opened slowly. It was one of the boys. He did not cry like many babies would, he simply yawned and looked up at his father with big blue eyes. Big blue eyes, just like Baldwin’s.

The kings heart swelled with joy and happiness again at the sight of his son. His own son.

“Oh my love look!, he has your eyes” y/n cooed, looking at the adorable little boy in her husbands arms.

“Yes, he does!” Baldwin’s own eyes welled with tears at the sight and he fought back a broken sob.

Noticing his tear filled eyes, y/n placed a hand on her husband’s shoulder.

“Are you okay darling? Whats wrong?” she asked, suddenly worried.

“I’m alright my love. I’m just so happy, I never thought this day would come. Theyre so perfect, youre so perfect. Thank you y/n- I love you so much”

He tried his best to prevent tears from running down his cheeks, but when the chubby little boy in his arms smiled up at his fathers masked face, he could not fight it.

Y/n wrapped an arm around Baldwin’s shoulders and pulled him closer to her.

“You deserve this happiness sweetheart. I love you, and our family is, and will be, perfect” she kissed her husband's cheek and layed her head on his shoulder.

The king nodded, a small smile returning to his face.

He felt like the happiest man alive, and he knew that as long as he had these children and y/n in his life, he would stay that way for all eternity.

[clarkeybabey]

❝ playing my heartstrings like a rock star ❞

# summary; you're messing with his feelings and he doesn't understand why

# playlist; hey arthur!, arthur hill, think i'm in love with you, chris stapleton, please notice, christian leave

# word count; 1.9k

# note; i needed a happy ending my first fic on here cant be angst<3 I did not proofread this so sorry

The three boys sat in their sitting room, a comfortable silence lingering as they scrolled through their phones. "Arthur wants to know if we're going to come to the pub with him," George finally spoke up, looking to his friends and mentally crossing his fingers they'd agree. They deserved it after the week they've had.

Arthur chews the inside of his lip waiting for Chris' reply, not wanting to be the one to reject the invitation, but he knows you'll be there after your earlier text about going for drinks.

Chris shrugs laying his phone down next to him, "I don't see why not," both he and George stand, heading in the direction of their bedrooms to grab sweaters and shoes, assuming everyone is down.

When they disappear from sight, Arthur finds himself groaning, pressing his palms so hard to his closed eyes that he sees stars dotting his vision when he eventually opens them. It's not that he doesn't want to see you, he knows that when he does he can't resist the later idea of going home with you and he hates himself for it.

"They can't know," you always say, referring to your shared group of friends, "it'll throw off the dynamic, you can just come to my flat for the night on the weekend." You're grown adults, who cares what you get into when you're alone? He doubts anyone would really care as much as you think, but every time he tries to express that someone ends up with their feelings hurt, and 99.9% of the time they're his.

He makes his way to his room, spending more time than he cares to admit trying to find the cologne he knows is your favorite. His closet's a mess, but he finds the jumper you love to steal kicking himself for trying so hard as he throws it on over his old t-shirt. He stands in his bathroom pulling a baseball cap on to cover how flat his hair had become from lying on the couch for the last two hours.

Chris is yelling something from the kitchen about how he's worse than a woman about his looks, he can't find it in himself to care enough to think of a witty reply, instead just shoving his hands deeper into his pockets.

their bar of choice isn't far so they decide walking is the better and cheaper option, the walk is quick, and he stays a few paces behind his friends with music playing in his airpods as he gives himself a pep talk preparing to see you.

You sit at the bar with Becky and Arthur chatting about everything and nothing all at once, "You know, babe, I still need to get you on see it off, George and both Arthurs have nominated you now," she remarks, smirking as she brings her pint to her lips, you look to Arthur whos nodding along with her.

As the three of you chat, you're practically yelling over the people around you, "Let me know a date and we'll get it sorted," you smile, Arthur pipes up about needing the toilet and slips off his stool heading off in the direction of the restrooms.

As soon as he's out of sight, she scoots into the seat he once inhabited with her brows raised, "Anything new with you and Mr Hill?" You sigh, dreading having to answer that question, "There won't be anything new ever I don't think, I've made it clear how bad of an idea we are," your stomach turns at your own words, suddenly feeling a wave of nausea wash over you.

It wasn't like you didn't want anything other than to be with him, but everyone was so close and the what if's shadow how good the relationship could be.

What if something bad happens and you can't spend time together as a big group any longer? What if you couldn't film together? What if you had to listen to songs written about how bad of a girlfriend you were? She groans, her head falling onto her crossed arms, "You're so doubtful, darling. Give him a shot, he's such a sweet boy, especially to you." She sounded exactly like your mum when you told her the same thing after he came home with you one weekend. Sighing you continue, "I've never met someone like him-" You're cut off suddenly as rough hands slap over your eyes, "Guess who," George Clarke and his atrociously fake, heightened voice are quite unmistakable, you shove his hands away, giggling, and spin on your stool.

Your heart thumps against your chest, rattling your ribcage knowing there's no chance he and Chris showed up without the one person you've been waiting all week to see, sure enough there he is, though he's not even looking in your direction instead his eyes are glued to his phone screen with both headphones in, obviously not wanting to be here in the slightest.

You greet the boys not really paying any mind to anything being said, keeping your attention on Arthur the whole time. finally, once the four of your friends are distracted, you slip off your barstool and join him at the table he was sitting at alone, "You alright?" your question hangs in the air as you sink your teeth into the plush of your lower lip, "Fine, thanks," he replies dryly going out of his way to seem as uninterested as possible.

Scoffing, you snatch his phone from his hand, pausing whatever was playing on his Spotify, "Talk to me, please? I missed you." His eyes soften at your words as he fights with himself not to give in to you too easily, "missed you too," he mumbles as he picks at the skin on his fingers anxiously wanting to spew all the thoughts he's having about the two of you. Together.

Luckily for him, you beat him to it, "I wanna be with you," your words are lost to him at first as he sputters, not truly believing what he's just heard. He hates the way you can read his mind, "Like, seriously, I mean it, but we can't" he shakes his head bitterly, thinking this has to be some sort of sick joke you and Becky had strewn together.

"Do you know how many times I've heard that, y/n? I mean, seriously, tell it to someone else." He sounds so dismissive, and it hurts, but nothing hurts as bad as the sight of tears welling up in his pretty eyes. You just sit there, looking at him blankly with a lump forming in your throat, searching his eyes for something other than what he's said, but you can't seem to find it.

You scoff sliding his phone across the table back to him, "Right, sorry," you nod biting at the skin on the inside of your cheek, you turn on your heels and Arthur hates the look that you give him over your shoulder as you wrap your arms around yourself, like you see right through his attitude into the deeper side of things.

When you return George is wearing the glasses you mistakenly left in now-drunk Becky's purse, faking your accent in the worst way you've ever heard, "Those are prescription, you're gonna hurt your eyes," you sigh shaking your head, doing your best to smile. You pull them away from his face by the bridge, folding them to tuck into the v of your top, "Think 'm gonna get going," you mumble, avoiding everyone's eyes as the laughter dies down.

"So soonnnn?" Becky pouts jutting out her bottom lip for good measure, tucking your phone into your back pocket, murmuring something about how you have to film in the morning. Your friends say goodbye as you go around hugging everyone, when you get to Chris he pulls you in and whispers into your ear, "Take Arthur with you, please? He's bloody miserable." His breath is hot and riddled with the smell of beer as it fans across your face.

From across the room, Arthur feels his blood run hot as Chris whispers something to you and his hand lingers on your waist for longer than he deems friendly or comfortable, rolling his eyes he nibbles at the dry skin on his bottom lip until he begins to notice the familiar metallic taste of blood linger on his tongue. Nothing about this evening was going well and it just seems like lives trying to get back at him for something he doesn't even know he's done.

He was too busy in his own head to notice your presence just next to him, "C'mon, my uber's waiting," nearly falling off his stool as your words snapped him from the trance he was in, "Not up for it tonight," you scoff at his words, of course, he's thinking the opposite of what you had planned.

"Don't want you to fuck me, just wanna spend time with you," His brows raise involuntarily at your bluntness, a smirk playing on his lips, knowing you can't stay away just as much as he, boosts his confidence every damn time.

He doesn't find it in himself to reject you again, simply sliding off the still and interlocking your fingers, hoping to God every one of your friends is watching. As you make it outside your uber is in fact not there, he's about a mile out so you lean against the brick wall, Arthur's close proximity looming over you, "What was Chris on about?" Your drooping eyes shoot open, and the jealousy in his voice makes you smirk, seeing an opportunity to toy with him, just a bit,

"What's it to you," you shoot back, arms crossed over your chest he steps closer suddenly invading your space, his cologne which so happens to be your favorite begins to cloud your nose and mind as your chest rises and falls, adrenaline coursing through your veins. "You know exactly what it is to me, sweetheart."

His thumb and forefinger grip your chin forcing you to meet his eyes, the rings of his hands are cold against your heating face, "If 'm going home with you, I suggest you share." Your breath hitches at the dominance that's suddenly radiating off him, you fight the urge to let your eyes roll back into your head as his breath fans across your face, instead letting them fall closed once more.

You swallow, once more allowing eye contact, "He thought you were miserable and I should take you home with me." The smirk on your face makes Arthur regret ever telling Chris and George about how he'd wanted to spend more time with you. "I want to give this a shot," he scans your face waiting for you to remind him how you shouldn't but you don't say anything else.

"You mean it," his thumb rubs circles on the exposed skin of your hip, you nod, knowing words would betray you, "Need to hear you say it," he sounds breathless, looking at you with hopeful raised eyebrows.

"I wanna be your girlfriend-" his lips meet yours before you can even finish your thought, both hands cupping cupping your face. A wolf whistle comes from your immediate left and he pulls away but doesn't step back, shielding you from view, though you see over his shoulder as both George and Arthur hand Becky what look to be ten-pound notes.

[n0eyed-taissa]

yellowjackets season 3 trailer takeaways/theories/observations/questions:

time jump: season 2 was firmly set in the winter and it looks like the bulk of 3 will be set in the spring (with some flashes to the Deep Winter)

how much time has passed & how did they manage to comfortably survive post-fire?

i think this time jump & whatever happened during the in-between time will explain how and why the girls seem much more deranged than they did.

they gave in to desperation and its circumstances, so nothing is really 'taboo' anymore. gimme scary evil cannibal lesbians pls

even shauna's narration references the fact that the girls "went completely nuts" out there

allusions to The Hunt: while i know most folks think mari has always been Pit Girl, i think her running in the trailer is a red herring.

this WILL, however, be what sets up the hunt and its rules/functions/the course

(because to ME, it has always looked like a cleared/intentionally set path, with s1ep1 showing their hand-made adornments hanging from the surrounding trees )

mari is 100% wearing the dress/nightgown that s1ep1 Pit Girl is.

tiktok fans have been theorizing that perhaps based on the rules of the hunt, mari will survive whatever the hell is about to happen to her while still later meeting Pit Girl's fate in the winter, but who's to say

"cant believe we didnt eat that bitch first" - says the one with the big brown eyes like a baby mf cow. she just wants to snack on her friends!

(y'all saw that part where shauna is biting and restraining mari, right?)

power struggle: it looks like there are going to be factions splitting up, or the girls will continue to show alliance to a particular 'leader'

van, misty, mari, akilah, and either New Gen or robin? potentially in support of lottie's leadership and connection to the wilderness?

them vs Everyone Else, who seems more focused on practical survival

coach ben seeing the snare trap and probably wondering if it was for a person or for an animal

(i didnt know what a snare was so i truly needed to google 'animal trap that looks like a n**se but isnt. sue me!)

shauna locking herself in a freezer because it was the only way she could talk to jackie. putting yourself into dangerous situations in hopes of manifesting the ghost of your lover? okay bella swan in new moon!

jackieshauna being connected by coldness, both emotionally and physically.

from the meat shed to the freezer, jackie taylor's ghost will never escape the ethel cain parallels!

theres probably someone out there in the world who wants to smash the man with no eyes, huh.........dont answer that actually.

taissa's grown out hair makes little tiny magical hearts float all around my head. wow. just wow.

are the yellowjackets going on a field trip in the wilderness together? where tf is natalie and did she find coach ben's hidey hole?

the envelope being addressed to shauna shipman and not shauna sadecki makes me think its from a person with ties to the wilderness, pushing the secret 8th survivor theory (perhaps hilary swank as adult Melissa CoolHat)

i WANT this ritual scene to be another dream-like allegory for them enjoying their descent.

if the snackie feast was the roman bacchanal, the political split between the girls and the power imablance could be going into a julius cesar-y territory? especially with the mistyshauna stabbing?

misty exploring someplace that looks like the one from lottie's visions? someone is on trial? natlie isnt in charge anymore?! walter has a mustache now?!!!!

van's new fixation on the fire, alluding to the idea that she could have been the one to burn down the cabin??? to quote you, girl, "REALLY? fire?!"

shauna with her knife to melissa's throat....is something gay happening there?

this creepy little song is really giving me the vibe that everything will NOT be okay!!!

in summation: women can be a little evil, as a treat!

[bump1nthen1ght]

A Very Monstrous Kinktober (2024) Day 28 - Sex Pollen

Kink: Sex Pollen

Pairing: F!Reader x F!Plant Monster

Other Kinks: Light Bondage, Slight Sweat Kink

Warnings: Dubious Consent

Word Count: 1457 words

Kinktober Masterlist

Sometimes, curiosity really does kill the cat.

That’s the last coherent thought you had when you stumbled onto the bush, falling to the ground as plumes of alien pollen quickly fill the air around you. Your panic makes you take in deep heaving breaths, practically snorting the foreign contaminant like a drug.That’s probably why they recommended wearing the gas mask at all times, even if that atmosphere on this planet was comparable to your own.

Fuck, fuck!

Maybe it’s just placebo, but already your body temperature has gone up, your heart rate increasing, more and more of the pollen stuffing up your nose. You have the wherewithal to shove your shirt collar over your face, but not before your legs give out from under you.

You lie flat on the ground, ensconced in ankle-height vegetation as the yellow dust settles onto your clothes, coating you like powdered sugar. Your vision is starting to haze, your body in an absolute panic as it tries to move, but can’t. Your muscles feel sluggish and heavy, some kind of burning sensation under the skin sapping all your energy.

It’s so….hot.

The panic begins to slip away. You’re still hot, your heart still beats, but it’s more…pleasant. It sends goosebumps down your spine, has your body relaxing and legs spreading open. Something long and slippery rubs at your thigh and you don’t even react, just sink into the touch.

“Well, aren’t you a cutie?”

Something in the shape of a hand grips your jaw, breath exhaling across your lips as your eyes struggle to catch focus.

The pollen must be a hallucinogenic, because your eyes swear there’s a woman on top of you. You can’t see her that well, vision still spotted and blurry, but her curvaceous form is unmistakable.

Your mouth is open, words dead in your mouth, only a faltered breath coming out. Something nudges against the crotch of your pants and makes your whole body flinch. Woah, since when have you been so sensitive?

“It must be my lucky day.” The seductive female voice purrs in your ear, chases away your anxiety as more and more tendrils wrap around your arms and legs, pulling you to lie spread eagle. You still struggle to see in her entirety, even when she straddles your waist. “I snared such an adorable little thing in my trap.”

The vines constrict, shooting an aching feeling straight down to your core. You become aware of just how wet you are, the center of your panties soaked through and sticking to your khakis. Your thighs try to close and rub together, provide some friction, but only makes the vines tighten. A keening whine comes from the back of your throat, your hips canting upward.

“So receptive already.” The figure lets out an airy chuckle. “You didn’t huff that much darling.”

The hand moves up the side of your face, the backs of knuckles brushing along your jaw. Your vision has begun to clear up, the vague shapes of a face registering in your mind. Just certainly not a human face.

The creature’s ‘skin’ is a light shade of green, her lips painted a sultry red, less like lipstick and more like a warning sign for wayward bugs. Something brushes against the side of your neck, hanging of her head like hair, but feeling far more like the leaves of weeping willow.

You’re more coherent mind would be fascinated, asking a billion questions about this new creature, about this new species you just discovered. But your drugged mind is a little more focused on one thing, and it's the vines currently trying to pry open your pants.

“A-ah!” something jolts up your stomach when a bold vine sneaks down the crotch of your underwear, slotting itself between your pussy lips. It writhes against your cunt like a massager, already drenched in your slick. Your hips roll against the pressure, your clit throbbing against it.

“Hmmm.” The creature licks her lips, revealing a long and ribbed purple tongue. The thought of that on you makes your thighs clenched, legs hugging the side of the vine like it’s a stripper pole. “You taste good.” The creature hums, licking a stripe up the side of your face. The entanglements of vines shudder around you, the connected whole of this creatures body soaking up every inch of you. Something not too different from a hand grabs at the bottom of your shirt, forcing it past your sports bra so more vines can encircle your waist. The creature moves her face down from yours to your chest, nostrils flaring as she takes a deep whiff of your pheromones. “So good.” She whispers to herself, tongueing at the sides of your bra. It’s the most soaked from your hike through the forest, the salty sweat clinging the fabric to your sides.

After she’s sucked on the fabric long enough, the creature pushes up the bra, mouth latching onto your perked nipples and swirling her tongue around. Like a kid in a candy shop, she indulges in her treat, more vines joining to grab at your other one.

“Mmmph.” The creature coos, nuzzling her face into your boobs. Nails dig into the fatty flesh, making you jolt and forcing your hips against the vines. Another shock travels up your core, fresh slick gushing from your cunt. You don’t think you ever been this wet in your entire life.

The creatures licks down and down your stomach, her eyes going cross as she tastes more and more of you. Once she reaches your mound she nuzzles into your pubic hair, taking a deep whiff before the vine on your pussy movies out of the way. All of the vines shudder, wrapping tight around your extremities and pulling you open.

“Eek!” You yelp when her hand pushes back at your labial hood, covetous eyes admiring your bulging clit. That swirling tongue taps at it, rewarded by another flood of your juices.

“All for me.” The creature purrs, diving tongue first into your pussy, only focused on getting more of the taste in her mouth.

“O-ohhh.” Your mouth hangs open, breaths heavy and panting as the alien feasts on your cunt. Those ribbed sides do just as intended, stimulating your gummy walls and making you gush onto her jaw. It feels like she’s setting off firecrackers in your belly, writhing that long tongue and trying to find your g-spot.

“Oh, fuck!” Your hips roll onto her face, your clit nudging right against her nose. You can feel her lips curling up into a smirk. Seems she found it.

Her tongue is just a prehensile as her vines, pressing hard onto the sensitive spot, curling backwards and making your vision go spotty. Vines curl around your tits, pressing them together, forcing your sweat to pool at the valley in between. Like snakes they slither in between, constricting and teasing your areolas. Your body feels like it’s melting, the heat slowly cooking your brain, a profound ache settling deep in your stomach. God, why does it feel so wonderful?

“Ah-ah-ah!” You desperately grind against her tongue, the creature and her vines letting you. She seems to enjoy watching you succumb to her trap, watch you come undone. Her nostrils flare against your pussy lips, tongue now drawing shapes onto your g-spot.

You’re so desperately close, the precipice of an explosive orgasm robbing you of words and coherent thought. The creature’s keen senses make her aware of it before you do, vines pulling taut and forcing your limbs to stay rigid, offering no escape from the overwhelming feeling. You’ll come on her tongue, that she is sure of.

“I-” You slur, the needed vocabulary robbed from your drunken mind. Vines tug at your perked nipples, make every hair on your body stand on end.

Cum.

Something whispers in the back of your mind, too delirious to realize it’s not your inner monologue but her, this fascinating creature. Another ability to add to the research log.

“Fuck!” Everything convulses when your climax hits, the sudden spray of your cum on the creature’s tongue making her wiggle with joy. You’ve never squirted before, but it seems this planet is introducing you to a lot of new experiences. The creature nuzzles her face into your pussy, coating her face in your juices, lapping at your spent hole like she’s in the desert and you’re her oasis.

Your senses return to you, but slowly. You vaguely recall the creature sidling up to your side, soft curves and vines wrapping you in an even softer embrace. Hands rub at your scalp, plush lips kissing the sude of your face. The pollen’s effects have weakened, but you’re still so hot.

“You’re all mine.”

[yelenasdiary]

I dont know why i cant get this idea out of my head

But i’d love to just read fluffy soft wholesome fic

Of Artist yelena and her girlfriend decorating For Christmas in their house

Because of yelena being an artist she comes up with this crazy fun cute idea on how to decorate the house for Christmas for her and her girlfriend to do together

It wont be like your typical Christmas colours it be super colourfull like different coloured lights to go on the tree or round the house and stuff

(Please let me know if this request makes sense and if you do it please just like dm me)

~👀

A Merry Kaleidoscope Christmas

Pairing: Artist! Yelena Belova x GN! Reader

Summary: You and Yelena decorate the house for Christmas without the traditional Christmas vibes. 

Fluff

Warnings: None, if I missed any, please let me know | 1.1K

AC: Thank you for sending this! It made me miss Painter! Yelena hehe, I hope you enjoy! x

Holiday Special Masterlist

Dating an artist always came with the holidays being bigger and full of so much creativity and that’s exactly how you found your girlfriend, staring blankly at the white wall of the living room, her mind racing with multiple ideas for decorations and layouts to turn the home into a Christmas wonderland. 

“What are you thinking?” You asked softly, knowing she was deep in thought with the way her eyes squinted ever so slightly with a tilt of her head, her ideas were flowing. 

“This year, we’re not going to do that traditional red and green colours. This year, I’m thinking big, bright and colourful!” She replied, nodding to herself as the images in her mind started to come together. “Have you ever looked through a kaleidoscope before?” She asked. 

“I have” you said, slightly unsure of what ideas your girlfriend had. 

“When you walk into our home, I want it to feel like you’re looking through a kaleidoscope! We’ll make homemade decorations and use every colour we can think of, every room is going to be so festive!” She beamed with excitement, her eyes brightened at the thought which brought a smile to your face. 

“Sounds interesting! I’m in!”

“We should probably head to the crafts store then” Yelena turned to you, smiling softly. 

The craft store was nothing more than a toy store to your girlfriend who filled the cart with bright colored paints, sequins, paper, glitter, some DIY ornaments to make the job a little easier and plenty of other craft items you were sure she would find a use for. Her enthusiasm only grew with every item she placed in the cart, leaving you to be swept up in her infectious energy. 

Once home, the first thing you guys did was start to decorate the Christmas tree. Yelena wrapping an array of neon lights around the green branches before you would wrap a different range of neon colored tinsel around the tree. Then it was on to the ornaments. Together, you painted and glittered the rounds of clear glass, creating a breathtaking range of different bursts of color. You watched as Yelena would pour so much creativity in her craft, perfecting everything to a tee! You helped cut out different shapes from the range of colored paper, gluing them together over shared laughs and a paper ball fight. “I think this is the best Christmas tree we’ve had!” You complimented as you took a step back to admire the Christmas tree in all its bright and colorful beauty. 

“We need one last touch” Yelena said as she pulled out a tiny, handcrafted paper banner that read ‘Merry Christmas’, she looked at you with her soft loving eyes, “would you help me jazz this up a little?”

“What do you think? An overload of glitter to make it pop?” You asked making Yelena chuckle lightly, “okay my little mind reader, how did you know?”

You playfully shrugged, “I might have seen you eyeing up the rest of the glitter” 

Yelena shook her head as she placed the banner on the dining table while you grabbed the bottle of glue. “Thank you for trusting my crazy vision, I like to change it up sometimes” Yelena said in an almost whisper. 

“Darling, I think all your crazy visions are perfect” you smiled, reaching for the purple glitter to sprinkle over the letter M, “I always look forward to what ideas you will come up on holidays like these and besides, I like not following the traditional theme sometimes… they can be tacky” you added. Yelena’s heart glowing with love at your words, “let’s make this a tradition then! No more boring and tacky Christmas themes! We’ll do it even bigger and better each year” she replied with a growing smile and her artistic mind racing with even more ideas for next year’s Christmas. 

“I love that! But let’s just focus on this year first” you said, bringing her back to the now, “now let’s finish making this glitter mess” you added with a playful chuckle. 

As the day turned to night and snow began to fall, you and Yelena found yourselves snuggled up in the warmth of the firepit, wrapped in the most colorful Christmas throw blanket that Yelena could find. Her arms wrapped lovingly around you, your head resting comfortably on her chest while she ran her fingers through your short hair. “Merry kaleidoscope Christmas love” you whispered softly, sinking into the love that filled the room. 

Yelena, smiling softly, “Merry kaleidoscope Christmas indeed, I think we definitely accomplished that goal” she chuckled as she looked around the room. The soft glow from the neon fairy lights mixed with the shine of the fire’s flame lit the room perfectly, all the bright colors coming to life like the two of you were living inside of an actual kaleidoscope. Yelena, being the artist she was, couldn’t wait to show off all the wonderful arts and crafts you both had done. 

Yelena knew that this was only the beginning of their artistic adventures with you, and she couldn’t wait to make more memories with you. She placed a gentle kiss on the top of your head, “I couldn’t have done of this if it weren’t for you, my muse” 

You looked up at her, already getting lost in her eyes, “I love being a part of your big, colour and crafty world, if anything you’re my muse” You smiled softly before she pressed her lips against yours, kissing you deeply like she always did. “I can’t wait to spend many more Christmases with you” she whispered, admiring the way your cheeks filled with love, “and to spend every other holiday with you, doing it our way” she added. 

“I can’t wait either, the neighbourhood kids are going to love easter and Halloween!” You beamed. 

“I love this…everything, I mean that” Yelena replied. 

You couldn’t help but admire how the twinkling fairy lights sparkled in her eyes, “I love you so much” she added softly, feeling just how much love she truly had for you. Waking up by your side each morning, coming home to you, sharing her creative mind with you whenever she had a burst of creativity, and you loved her for all of it. 

“You make every moment magical, my love, I love too” you smiled once more before diving in to kiss her again. Her arms tightened around you, not wanting to let any part of this moment slip away. With one moment at a time, the two of you would create a lifetime of love and creative magic.

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[darlink-xoxo]

MEMORIZED BY YOU!ੈ̊♡

in which, a boy thinks he's in need of medical attention

but he's really just in love..

GIF isnt mine

─ͥ─ͦ─ͮ─ͤ➼♥

just shoto being blissfully unaware of how whipped he is 💕

read pt2 here

Warnings: Oblivious Shoto, Shoto in Denial, Puppy Love 🫶.. spelling mistakes

❥ · ﾟ₊ he blinked when a hand waved itself in front of his face. glancing at his surroundings, shoto's brows lightly scrunched together as he tried to remember where he was. oh right, he was in the middle of eating lunch in the cafeteria. turning to look at who waved in his face, he was greeted by his friends looking at him with smug faces.

".. hello?"

"sorry to interrupt you todoroki, but you were spaced out for a few minutes now." izuku spoke with a small smile.

ochako leaned over towards tsu and whispered something, before both started giggling with fox grins. shoto blinked, confusion clear on his face, he looked towards tenya who cleared his throat.

the engine quirk user pointed behind him to a table over with a sly smile on his face. shoto's head tilted as he looked over, his breath seemed to leave him as his eyes landed on a particular someone..

their name was y/n, one of the top students of class 1b. his surroundings left his mind once more, his vision turned tunneled, and it narrowed in on them. just how much time had passed? he couldn't say.

it was like they managed to stop his world from spinning, they kept him grounded, while also making him throw away any rationality he might've had. he felt lightheaded, did he have heartburn? or was he drunk..

wait shoto doesnt even drink

you were happily chatting with your classmates kinoko and tokage. although, it was more like kinoko was listening, while you and the dark green haired girl chatted away. you both knew that kinoko was the shy type, so you didnt forget to include her in your conversations.

as you sipped your drink, you glanced to your side to see tokage whisper something to the mushroom quirk user. it was then that kinoko covered her mouth to hide her giggles, her shoulders shaking with laughter and tokage let out loud laughs.

you flashed them a confused smile as you asked them what was up. they did nothing but laugh harder, before eventually calming down and pointing forward at the next table a couple feet away in front of you guys.

you tilted your head as you turned to face the direction where they pointed at, before being stunned when you made eye contact with a certain ice and fire user. although he seemed to snap out of whatever spell he was under, his face held a similar look of shock as yours.

you quickly glanced around you in case he was looking at someone else instead, when you found no one else you sent a confused wave in his direction. smiling at him before going back to eating your lunch

shoto responded with a wave of his own, although still stuck in a daze, he felt the corners of his lips quirk up. did.. did his quirk suddenly activate? last he remembered y/n didnt have the ability to activate someone else's quirk.. so why did he feel so warm..?

izuku lightly laughed at his love dazed classmate. how could one of class 1a's top students, be so unaware of how spell bound he looked?

"hey.. midoriya.."

"oh! yeah todoroki?"

"am.. am i sick? i feel warm all over, and i think i'm experiencing a heart attack."

the green haired male blanked as shoto was finally able to turn away from his attention capturer, "midoriya.. am i dying??"

.. eh?

"i'm serious, my mind is going blank, i think i'm experiencing cardiac arrest. i couldn't even breathe, and i zone out every time i look at them. i cant even speak.. it's like i've been brainwashed."

"pff," izuku was fighting for his life to keep his laughter in, but ultimately he failed when he heard how the rest of the table burst with laughter. ochako and tsu clutched at each other as they wheezed with giggles, while tenya repeatedly slapped at the table.

"OH MY GOSH TODOROKI!! 'AM I DYING??' HAHSHAHH THAT'S HILARIOUS!"

"wh- but i mean it! i'm not even sure recovery girl will be able to help with my situation!"

"PFFF BWAHAHAHA!! RECOVERY GIRL DEFINITELY ISNT GONNA HELP THAHAHAHAT!!"

"guys i think i might be allergic to y/n 😨"

"NO WAY AHAHAHA!!!"

you looked over at 1a's table, your eyes narrowing in on a dual quirk user. you sighed happily, finding the escapade that you were watching from afar to be funny.

kinoko nudged tokage's shoulder, and both girls turned to look at you before lightly giggling behind their hands, taking a breath to recollect themselves, kinoko reached over and prepared to wave her hand in your face.

"sorry to interrupt you y/n, but you've been zoned out for a while now." they laughed.

[luna0713hunter]

saw u were gna write for reno and i was so happy bcs i NEED reno fics bcs there js not enough😭

if u could write something like y/n has an inferiority complex towards kikoru bcs she’s always second to her and reno notices this, but on a mission y/n gets heavily injured and he comes in to help… and rest is up to you! obviously u can ignore this as well, have a good day🫶

A/n : omgs hi!!!so happy to see you requesting my dear!! And i just love your idea????? I'm honestly such a sucker for hurt/comfort trope!!!thank you for request darling~ hope you enjoy it!

Take this lonely heart

Reno Ichikawa x reader

sweet and soft,hurt/comfort,injuries and blood

Kikoru is amazing.

That's not as shocking as the first time you've seen her; she's long proven to be most talented person there is in fighting kaiju. She's a pretty girl,with her blond hair and sparkling eyes. And the way she walks like she own every room she steps inside.

She's simply amazing. And that's a well known fact by now.

Skies are blue, the night is dark and Kikoru Shinomiya is a perfect human being.

And as you watch her slice down yet another Yoju with such grace all the while you're holding your bleeding side, you cant help but to envy her. You dont hate Kikoru,no. Far from that actually. But its just frustrating; seeing her fight so effortlessly while you're struggling to keep your eyes open. She rushes around, slicing Kaiju after Kaiju down, all the while keeping her grin plastered on her face.

She looks so happy, so beautifully graceful and strong, that has your throat burning with anger towards yourself.

Why cant you be that strong?

You jump out of the way just as one of the Wyverns dives down, just in time for someone too shoot the freeze rounds. And when the rifle goes off,you know immediately who it belongs to.

You look up from where you're crouched behind a giant boulder to see Kikoru landing the finishing blow on the kaiju.

When she lands on the ground again, she gives Reno a half smile.

Jealousy burns behind your eyes as you watch Reno compliment Kikoru on her performance. You blink rapidly, trying to clear your vision ; this is a battlefield, with people trying to survive all around you. You dont have time to feel sorry for yourself. You have to fight as well; make sure every one of the Wyverns are death before they get the chance to attack any of the civilians outside the base.

You suck in a harsh breath and hold your rifle tightly as you march forward all by yourself. You know its stupid; to rush head first without any support. But the image of Kikoru and Reno has been burned in your mind, and you cant shake it off.

You need to prove yourself; to your teammates, to your captains.

To Reno above all.

Your rifle is ready to shoot when a Wyvern bursts through a building. You arms are steady, and your breath is shakey. But your aim is perfect.

Or at least, it would've been if another Wyvern hadn't dove down and knocked you off of your feet.

Your head makes contact with the concrete with a loud 'bang' that knocks the air out of your lungs. You can hear the blood rush in your ears along with a deafening ringing as you try to blink away the stars from dancing in your vision. You hear the distance sound of one of the Kaiju's screech, and you reach blindly for your rifle. When your fingers wrap around the familiar metal, you push yourself up despite your head pounding and and your whole body shaking.

You wont give up, no.

Your aim isnt as perfect as before, but when you shoot the second Wyvern in the back with your remaining release power that's probably not much, the Kaiju let's out a loud screech before exploding; sending it's blood and guts flying everywhere.

And although you probably have a concussion, you cant stop the small feeling of joy and victory that spreads across your chest.

But unfortunately, your joy is short lived ; just as you're about to limp your way back to your team, the first Wyvern comes back.

And gods above does it look angry.

The kaiju lets out a loud scream, and raises a claw and before you can even react, you feel the sharp pain explode in your side. And when you open your eyes again, you're laying on your back on the ground as blood pours out of your wounds.

You watch the Wyvern open its mouth, ready to fire, and you think its amazing how the concussion makes everything seem in slow motion. But you think it also sucks; to die in your second battle while your friends still need your help.

The blood coming from your head has made its way to your eyes, and you try to blink it away. You're so tired and dizzy from the blood lost, that you think you're hallucinating when suddenly the kaiju freezes over. Your so busy to keep your eyes open, that you dont even notice Kikoru arriving and taking down the last Wyvern in the area. Every sound seems to come from under the water and you feel awfully cold even in your special suit, but when warm hands hold your cheeks and you hear distant yelling, you know you've closed your eyes without even realizing.

"Y/n!!" The voice is panicked, worried and awfully familiar, "Y/n!open your eyes!!! don't fall asleep!!"

It takes a lot of effort, but when you finally do open your eyes, you're met with a pair of silver-violet eyes.

"Reno...?" Your voice is barely audible, but Reno hears it. He holds your hand tightly as he shifts you in his embrace, squeezing your hand with reassurance.

"Yeah its me..." He croaks, voice cracking, " I'm here... I should've been here sooner, I'm so sorry."

" 's not your fault." Your eyes flutter shut momentarily but opening once more when Reno calls your name with a small shake to your aching body, " I should've been more careful... its my fault for being so weak..."

"What are you talking about?" His hold around your shoulder tightens. You feel him getting up with you still in his embrace; he's probably taking you to the nearest medic around, "you did great. You defeated that Wyvern all by yourself. Without any backup or help."

"But I'm not..." You swallow around the lump in your throat and squeeze your eyes shut when you feel the tears starting to burn them, "I'm not as good as Kikoru. I'll never be as good as her."

Reno gives you a confused look as he rushes forward; eyes searching for the medic Haruichi had mentioned.

"Why are you comparing yourself to her?"

"Because," your sob has Reno stopping in his track; eyes wildly searching for the source of your discomfort, "because...you always keep looking at her...i know she's perfect,in everything, but no matter how hard i try, i cant...." You hide your face in his chest, " be like her for you..."

The man holding you is dead silence. You think you can hear the distant sound of explosion and your captains fighting, but no sound comes from Reno. You've lost enough blood that makes you want to just close your eyes and sleep this horrible day off, but when you feel Reno move again, it has your eyes fluttering open once more.

"Y/n," Reno's voice is stern, a tone you've ever heard when he's begging Hibino-san to not transform to his kaiju form, "look at me... please."

When you comply, he gives you a soft smile; the ones only reserved for you that has butterflies flying in your stomach.

"I dont need you to be like her for me." He pauses and shakes his head with a hint of a laugh, "hell,i dont want you to ever be like her."

You can hear the medics' shouts near by, and judging by the way Reno's face relaxes slightly, you're probably in a safe zone for now.

"I want you to be you. I want the y/n who cried when Senpai got accepted as an official officer. I want the y/n who stayed by my bedside whenever i get injured and doesn't leave until i eat something." His smile grows, softer than you've seen, "i want 'you' who's always there for me. I want 'you', who's strong, independence, and stubborn as hell and sometimes gives me heart attack." When a small giggle escapes from your bloody lips, Reno also lets out a laughter of his own.

He nods to the medic who walks by and motions for him to put you down on the nearest makeshift med. Reno gently puts you down, mindful of your injuries but as soon as you're settled, he takes hold of your hand with both of his own. He smiles, and a suddenly pink dusts his pale cheeks.

"I want the y/n... who I've fell in love with. I want you, no one else. And definitely not Kikoru." Your cheeks feel like they're on fire, but the tired smile you give him is genuine, "i mean, have you seen her? She drives me crazy!"

Your laughter is a small thing but the sound is enough to relax Reno more. The silver haired boy bends down and kisses your forehead gently; making your eyes flutter shut.

"Get some rest. I'll be back before you know it."

You watch as Reno gets up and talks with other teammates. But before he can leave, his name falls from your lips. He immediately turns around and waits for you to say whatever's on your mind with enough patients that has your heart melt in your chest.

"I love you too, Reno," you smile as his ears suddenly turn red, "be safe."

And he only turns his back to Iharu's harsh teasing and trips over his own feet.

"See you soon, babe."

[stevie-petey]

Thank you so much for the new chapter you never cease to amaze me <3. I had a blurb idea for in-between season two and three if you have time.

Bug going to visit El and hopper. She brings treats and books. She helps El basically catch up on all those years she missed out on school. She even spends time with hopper. Helping him clean up before she leaves, or giving him recipes for when El wants something. That also means helping him when it turns out to be a disaster. Teaching El to read,basic math, and spelling. Also teaching her fun stuff like how to make bracelets and how to paint her nails. Basically bug being her big sister/ female figure in her life. I think bug would give El a nickname like Ellie, I think it's so cute. The vision of bug finally having someone to give her hand me downs too. She'd also get her new stuff but only has so much money you know? Thank you mwah❤️

ah thank you for reading !!! ive been DYING to write more scenes with bug and el and hopper, so thank you for the request !!!

enjoy <3

"how do you know where i live?"

you snort at hoppers question. "hello to you too, old man."

hopper rubs his face tiredly as he leans against the doorframe. hes only just managed to kick mike out of his house, and now he has to deal with you? not happening. "go away."

"we both know i own knives."

"stab me, go ahead. youre not coming in."

before you can shove your way in, el sneaks up from behind hopper and pokes her head out the door. she had heard your voice from inside. "y/n!"

the girl shoves hopper aside and throws herself into your arms, and you gladly accept the hug. "hi, sweetheart."

it's been a few weeks since youve last seen her, being confined to your house to heal the wounds from the demodogs and tunnels. the second your mom gave you the all clear, you baked a pile of els favorite cookies and forced mike to tell you where hoppers cabin was.

which leads you to now: hugging el tightly with a backpack full of baked goods and comics to read to her.

"here for me?" el asks you, her eyes shining.

you look at hopper and smirk. "i dont know. am i here for el, hopper?"

he looks between the two of you and curses. el has her arms wrapped firmly around you and shes giving him a warning glare, daring him to say no. accepting that hes been cornered, hopper steps away from the door and motions for you to step inside. "i hate this."

you reach into your backpack and pull out a stash of peanut butter cups you had baked specifically to bribe the old man. "i brought a peace offering."

"well, why didnt you start with that?" hopper snatches the treats from you and sniffs the bag. his face melts into satisfied interest. "not bad, kid."

"i do my best." you shrug, now following el inside as she takes your hand and guides you to the couch. she sits you down and when you pull out the comics, she claps her hands in excitement.

the two of you get settled in, eating the cookies youve baked as you slowly read aloud the stories from the comics. every so often you have el try to read small portions as well, knowing she never received the necessary education due to the men who stole her childhood, and hopper cant help but watch you with el.

he sits at the kitchen table and pretends to read the newspaper, but really hes eating the peanut butter cups as he watches the way you help el sound out difficult words and giggle together. despite his annoyance towards you for showing up on his doorstep unannounced, hopper cant help but smile as he watches.

youre sweet with el, patient and understanding, and hopper now understands why joyce speaks so highly of you all the time. the woman had told him that youd been a such a gift to her family, and as hopper watches el practically light up in your presence, he finally accepts the womans words.

youre the best of the kids.

theres no denying that.

and if that means that hopper now has to make room in his cupboard for baking ingredients so that he can help you keep your own baking needs supplied, then so be it. he'll even make room for the nail polish and comics that will inevitably make their way into his home because of you.

hes happy to help you, to repay you for your kindness to el, even if hopper groans and complains the whole time.

[jeonzaxs]

amidst chaos ⋟ jjk

SUMMARY; you shouldnt harbor these feelings not amidst chaos.

pairing; jeon jungkook x reader

genre; love at first sight! zombie apocalypse!au

warnings; just two idiots in love. slight against. angst. mention of blood, bruises and death. just too much fluff i think or cliche. lower case intended.

word count; 700+

notes; another repost from my old account!! my second published baby. im pretty proud about this you could say. feedback and reblogs mean so much to me, please dont be shy to. enjoy <3

your eyes drift to the handsome looking man, a few scratches adorning his face and blood leaking from his nose, a gasp leaves your mouth as you turn back to the other who hit him, eyebrows furrowed in anger "fuck- jay, i know we cant trust him yet but you cannot give him a bleeding nose, idiot” you cuss, smacking the red head on his nape as he hisses and steps back without a word.

when your eyes meet the male again, you find yourself breathless. gold shadows the corner of your vision, and jungkook finds the surrounding mute, only your eyes and voice echoing throughout. you look away, clearing your throat, and speaking up "why are you here?” voice cautious as the man replies, "i'm Jungkook, and i was hoping you had some space for another person?" he asks, voice saccharine sweet, and you inspect him, eyes wandering over him as he rolls up his sleeves and bares his neck to show that he’s void of any bites and that he’s not infected. you nod and introduce yourself "i'm _____, i run this group". 

jungkook perks up at your name, he has seen you in class often, you were always within your book and the fact that you're running a group in this apocalypse amuses him, and he can't help but like you even more.

he lends his hand out, a boyish smile playing on his lips. You look up at him, hesitantly shaking his hands, and then your eyes glare at Jay, daring, and he clears his throat. "uh, i'm sorry" he mumbles before stepping backwards, his girlfriend tilting her head as she introduces herself "i'm lily, welcome" a small teasing smile plays on her lips as she looks at you, throwing a playful glance and to that you hiss like a cat.

jungkook wipes his bleeding nose and observes you, he likes the way you hiss, he likes the strands of hair falling to the sides of your face and wishes to push them behind. he repeats your name in his head and thinks that it definitely suits you. the small scratches and the worn out green uniform compliment your figure so much that he finds it hard to just look away. he clears his throat again, attempting conversation "well, uh do we have a schedule or something like that?" you nod to that question, but your eyes shying away from him "yes, we do. we take trips to the canteen to find food, and we also take rounds guarding at night".

he sits down by the chair beside him and asks again, curiosity brimming his head "have you guys had any attacks? any infected?" he hopes you answer again, just to hear your voice, but your friend beats it to him as she replies "yes. we’ve had around two attacks and any infected? none, yet." her face is absent of fear and he notices that all of you look calm in such a situation. 

it's been five days since the whole rupture occurred, so many died and many cried. you and your friends have survived by luck, is what you think. you're grateful that you have found this room to sleep and eat. scars litter all of your faces, most of them have dried up and you now take a look at jungkook and he seems courageous, his doe-eyes warming your heart and giving you some hope. you find some sort of safety in his being.

jeon jungkook is not unknown at all, he is the infamous heartthrob, known to be good at everything. he is disciplined and strong. He is athletic and sweet. jungkook is the one who receives endless letters on valentine's day and has a group of girls always cooing at him, but he is well mannered and does not swell with pride.

you would be lying if you said you hadn't noticed him, the first time you stepped onto campus. he turns heads everywhere he goes, and now, seeing him sitting by that chair. your heart beats faster, breathing labored. you should not be harboring such feelings in the middle of blood and screams. not when you could get bitten anytime. not amidst chaos.

all rights reserved © jeonzaxs. reposting, translating and modifying is not permitted.

[drdemonprince]

Autistic friend anon here — thank you so much for your answer and the substack post. I was kind of stuck in the “rejection” feeling of “wait but if being autistic isn’t a bad thing then why are you so upset at the idea that YOU might be autistic”. I took it really personally and wasn’t really thinking about how much it sucks when someone acts like they know you better than you do. I’ll have to keep working through that.

I also often get stuck in the idea that “well if someone had just TOLD ME I was queer/trans/autistic then I could have figured it out sooner and life would be better” or whatever. But after many years of being out as queer/trans, I think that isn’t actually true and even if it is, I don’t interact with other possibly queer/trans people by “diagnosing” them with queerness/transness any more. In my head it seemed like autism was different for some reason, but of course it is not.

Anyway, your answer was really thoughtful and diplomatic, while also being very clear about what is bad behavior on my part. It is genuinely going to be a big benefit in my life.

Hey, nice to hear from you again!

I totally feel you. When I told a friend years ago that I thought she might be a BPDer, I was incensed that she ended up not taking that comment well. I meant it in an affirming, pro-Mad-Pride kinda way! I was a BPDer too! if she thought it was bad to be BPD, what did that mean she thought about me?

But I was looking at it the wrong way. I had just hurled a still very stigmatized label in her direction as a response to her complaining about real relational struggles in her life, which felt diminishing and presumptive. Telling various people in my life that I'm pretty sure they're Autistic can have a similar effect, even if they're on board Autism acceptance as an idea.

I used to fixate on the time I lost not realizing I was trans or queer or whatever the fuck I am yet. I had a vision of an older me materializing before me at age 16, specifically on the corn-lined roads I used to bike up and down furiously, and imagined telling myself the Truth of who I was and what I had to do to be happy. I believed that if i had known I was trans younger I would have avoided a lot of upsetting relationships, eating disordered periods, and general angst.

Now. I am pretty damn sure that is not true. It turns out that being trans was not a solution to all my problems, it was just another problem that I had. In the sense that it's a challenge to navigate on this bitch of an earth. if i hadn't chosen to be trans i would have chosen some other shit to do that also would have been a major pain in the ass i'm sure. that too would have been an interesting back story.

I dont think I was ever going to be outgoing and unneurotic and breezily well adjusted. That's not my lot in life. Feeling a little uncomfortable in my body and around other people is as definitional a part of me as my wit or my weird laugh. I can kinda love that about myself now, or at least accept it. nothing and nobody actually could have saved me. its just not that simple. but it's been a pretty interesting life.

i think we tend to impose our self-narratives onto other people when we are not happy or we are harboring deep regrets about having gotten something wrong or missed something in the past. but we cant spare our friends those journeys. they should get to have them. it's interesting and enriching to get things wrong, be in denial, cope in elaborate stupid ways, soul search, change our minds, miss something, find something, never know what's true.

[elliespeach]

no chances epilogue | ellie williams

pairing: ellie williams x afab reader synopsis: ellie and you have been dating now for six months, and she's surprising you for your six month anniversary with something she knows both of you will love. warnings: cute lovey dovey relationship shit. chronically single ppl beware. (me) author note: i am so bad with fluff i TRIED but thats a wrap on no chances!! thank you all for loving this series as much as i do, i cant put it into words how much i love u guys <333

six months later 

“els, i told you i don’t like surprises,” you spoke, hanging onto your girlfriends arm for dear life while she walked you to wherever she had planned. the bandana over your eyes was tied loosely, and from the bottom of them you could see you were walking on concrete.

“yeah, well, you didn’t like me at first either.” ellie chuckled beside you, slowly guiding you to the left.

“you can't keep using that as your argument for everything,” you said with a hint of fake annoyance in your voice. 

ellie clicked her tongue at the top of her mouth, “i can and i will,” she stopped, leading you to stop as well, “stairs, be careful–” you watched your feet out of the bottom of the bandana and carefully walked up the few steps. 

“i wouldn’t have to if you just let me see,” you remarked as ellie let go of your arm briefly and you heard the sound of a door opening before her hand was placed on your back and she carried on leading you to her surprise. 

“soon, baby, were almost there.” she cooed beside you. the floor beneath you looked familiar but you couldn’t place it just yet.

“you said that like thirty minutes ago,” 

“my god, would you just shut up and let me surprise you?” 

“fine,” another door opened, although it didn’t sound like a regular door and when ellie ushered you inside the floor was that of a gymnasium floor. “els, where are w–” 

“wait, stay there, don’t look yet,” ellie’s hand on your back vanished and you could hear her jogging away, her feet screeching on the floor as she did. there were a few more seconds of silence and then she spoke again, this time her voice echoed, “okay, you can take it off.” 

you could practically see her dumb smile before you even took off the bandana. but you didn’t waste time before ripping it off and your eyes took a second to adjust to the light after being blinded for over an hour. when your vision cleared you saw ellie standing next to a volleyball net. 

you looked around and it was the same gymnasium from your games last year and before you could ask why she brought you here, you turned your attention back to her and saw she had set up a small picnic blanket. there was food and drinks splayed across it, along with a perfectly white volleyball. 

“surpriseee,” she dragged out, obviously proud of herself. 

“how did you–” 

“don’t worry about how,” she assured you. she didn’t want you to know the lengths it took for the community center to let her have the whole gym to herself, it took a lot of convincing and put a large dent in her bank account, but it was worth it for her. “cmon, come sit.” 

you walked up to her first, giving her a kiss before sitting down on the blanket. ellie sat in front of you, and began to nibble on the strawberries she had laid out. “this is incredible els, thank you. but why the ball?” you asked, picking it up and bouncing it in your hands. 

ellie lifted a strawberry from the pack and held it out for you and when you went to reach for it she snaked it back, shaking her head. she then held it out for you again, this time much closer and you giggled as she fed it to you. “figured that after we eat, we could do a one on one. y’know, see who the best libero actually is.” 

you swallowed the strawberry, “i’m your girlfriend now you are legally required to tell me i’m better,” 

“not how it works, babe.” 

“alright, williams, you’re on.” 

you two were only meant to be in the gymnasium for an hour, maybe two tops. but once you had stopped eating and started to play, the hours ticked by like they were nothing. both of you sweaty messes on either side of the court, sending the ball flying with each hit. you’d think with how loving ellie was as a girlfriend that she would let you win, but that was the furthest thing from what was happening. 

she would send you diving for the ball on all ends of your court, laughing as she did. you didn’t go easy on her either, in fact you were putting all your effort in to make her run from one side to another as well and everytime the ball hit the floor on her side you’d cheer for yourself. anytime you thought she was going to give up and accept defeat she would say, “one more serve, i got distracted,” or “c’mon that was totally out of bounds, i want a do over–” 

it was only when the janitors knocked on the gym doors that you two stopped. it had been hours since you had arrived and you both realized the community center was closing, “what was the score? twenty two to sixteen?” you gloated as you left the gym, holding the door for ellie while she carried the blanket out with her. 

“yeah, because we got interrupted,” ellie’s eyes rolled, this time she held the exit door open for you and you both stepped out into the chilly night air. 

“mhm, sure,” you turned back to her as the door shut behind her. she shifted the blanket to her opposite arm as she walked up beside you, planting a delicate kiss on your cheek. you turned your head when she retracted and pulled her face into a real kiss. “that was perfect, thank you.” 

“anything for you,” she smiled at you before you started to go down the steps and she spoke as she tried to catch up with you, “but we’re coming back, i want a do over!” 

[noihavenosanitythanksforasking]

wait bbg r u ok😭why the brain scan

ack okay boutta spill my life story one you and we'll just use this as reference whenever someone asks about this from now on

so about 2 years ago i got an concussion. its really embarrassing but i was getting in the car and ended up smacking my head above my left ear on the frame of the car door. Apparently the part of your head near your ears and on the side of your head is the most vulnerable and i jiggled by brain.

at first i brushed it off bc like its not a big deal so i hit my head a lil but it kept hurting for hours and then my vision started to go double and fuzzy so i looked up the concussion symptoms and figured it out. my parents didn't believe me bc the incident wasnt a typical concussion sorta thing so i went to sleep and woke up, head still hurting, and went to school.

at school the next day i was trying to play it off but i couldn't see very well, i was super dizzy, nauseous and my head really hurt so my bsf told me i was seeing the school nurse weather i wanted to or not.

i go to the nurse and tell her what happened and that im 99% sure i have a concussion. she feels my head, says theirs no bump which means i can't have a concussion. this is factually incorrect however bc just bc theres no external swelling doesn't mean that theres no internal swelling or damage at all so honestly fuck her. she gave me a pain pill and sent me back to class.

the rest of the school day i am in agony and cant focus on anything and just kinda sit there on the verge of tears. i finally get home and i break down crying bc my head hurts so bad and i can barely see and the light hurts my eyes like fucking hell and i think im going to die.

my dad then asks if ive been sleeping with my earbuds in and maybe thats why my head hurts and i tell him no stfu i have a concussion. My parents finally do some research and call our neighbor whose a EMT and finally accept that my brain has jiggled.

they felt super bad about not believe him and now they swear to trust me on this sorta stuff i swear theyre good parents.

anyways the protocol for concussions is to:

not read

not do strenuous activity

not do strenuous mental activity

be away from bright light

do not look at screens

and rest until you are fully sure that you are 100% healed

so i more or less did all of that. however i am a dumbass. My parents took my phone away to make sure i wouldnt use it but they forgot about my computer. anyways i was reading a really good fanfic at the time and i had just left on a cliffhanger so i cheated and went and read some when i wasnt supposed too. I dont know if i still would be fucked up if i hadn't read it? but ik that i did. and now im fucked. but as someone pointed out recently that fanfic literally changed my brain chemistry. so thats pretty cool. it is really good i reread it after my concussion like 3 times.

Anyway i was down for about a week and a half and after that i finally went to the doctor they confirmed that it was a concussion for sure and then cleared me to go back to school.

the first day back at school the first class i had was English and we had to read some sort of story or excerpt from some old english dude you know the drill.

For some context i've always been very above reading level. I started reading early and i read a lot. to the point where a lot of ppl app thought i was mute cause all i did was read. I had very high comprehension skills and was tested above average constantly my whole childhood.

So when i come back to school and i'm reading this passage i notice oh man this is really hard for some reason. Why can't i focus on the words? at the time i assumed maybe i was just still a little rattled but it hasnt gone away sense and i still really struggle with it. I have to reread passages about 5 times to understand anything, which i never had to do before. I'll have to read things out loud a lot. I struggle a lot with reading black text on white backgrounds because it doesnt like to stick in my brain at all. it just completely doesn't compute as words.

I took the ACT last year and while i didnt score BADLY (i got a 26) i didn't score as well as i wanted too. during the whole ACT i was on the verge of tears because the room was lit in very white light and the ACT papers were black text on a white paper so i could barely understand a word that i was reading and ended up having to whisper the questions to myself (very embarrassing because i was in a giant auditorium with about 70 people in it) and i still skipped a lot of questions due to the fact that i was so overwhelmed. I knew there was something wrong but we didn't really take any steps to figure it out due to the fact that my grades were still okay and yk like insurance and due to the fact that i was just really embarrassed about it and didn't want to talk about it.

I also stared to get these weird headaches. migraines run in my family so i wasnt too worried about it but heres a diagram hold on.

thats where the concussion was. Then i started to get this shooting sporadic pain in the back of my head. it would only last for a few seconds and didn't happen super frequently so i didn't think much of it but it would always happen in the same exact spot about here:

its sort of stabbing inwards which is hard to show on a diagram but as im typing this is just happened again lmaoo.

anyways i sort of put it off for a a year and a half and didn't think much of it which is why its kinda hard to say what my symptoms really are due to the fact that ive gotten used to them? i would get bouts of dizziness or nausea and just kind of assume that it was my cycle even though i may or may not be bleeding at the time.

but in the last month or so things have started to get a bit more concerning imo. so the stabbing pain is happening more now. ive started to slur my speech a little bit. Its more like my mouth gets sleepy and forgets how to make words so it kinda just skips some important motions, like i'll be saying hello my tongue will say o when the rest of my mouth will say the h sound and ive had to talk slower recently due to the fact that im having to think thru all the movements my mouth make when i talk.

Also im not sure if this is related but ive also been writing weird? like we all write letters in a certin way and all of the sudden its like my brain is trying to change it up without asking me? i wrote an F earlier and i usually write it starting at the end of the curved part and up and down and then cross it. but for some reason i started writing it with a downward stroke for no reason which catches me really off guard every time it happens.

some other things that happen a lot are

brain fog

a weird sort of semi dissociative state that could just be manipulative day dreaming

my brain feeling like its a few inches to the left/up/down

the left side of my jaw being tight

my legs give out sometimes but ive always had weak ankles so may not be related

i step on my own toes but tbh i have very long toes

and more im sure but i can't think of any rn

and again these could be related and they could not be but the thing is that i dont know anything? so hopefully i can get an appt with a neurologist and get a scan to figure it out.

according to the doctor i saw this morning its very weird for concussions to have a weird drawn out affect like this but yk

hopefully its nothing serious

but thats the gist :D

[e17omm]

Alright doing my review of the chapter while I play it, today its HI3 Part 2 Chapter 7.

Spoiler free opinion now that I've cleared the chapter: Literally that horse getting drawn worse meme, except its absolute peak until the very last moment.

And already this looks interesting

I like that they put effort into showing Helia pinning Coralie to the wall, but in the same breath I have to ask why they didn't use the 3d models they were already using to show Coralie turning the tables on Helia.

I have no idea what is going on. Calamities? Is this bubble world Helia? I dont want to believe that Hoyo started an event right after part 1.5, then skipped a few years ahead to part 2, and only mentioned the Calamities happening on Earth in chapter 7. I dont want to believe that, but also I dont know how this bubble world Helia plays into the story.

WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAIT a moment. The burning of Helia's blood wasnt metaphorical? Seeing visions? Saying she'll give up her flesh and sense of pain to get vengance? I'm not sure what is happening yet, but I feel like this is already the best written chapter of part 2. So far the opening is extremely interesting.

There's something about strength and giving up something else to gain it going on here.

Okay okay, Vita being kinda antagonistic finally. Also it would've been fun if Helia actually pulled the trigger but Vita managed to tilt her head out of the way. She took all of Sa's power, having hyper fast reflexes wouldn't be out of my book.

Oh and also, once again, "Helia, look at yourself.", First the mirror, then Dudu, then Theresa. That's 3 times now. Something's going on here.

Kinda extremely short dip into the sim but otherwise the writing of this chapter is VERY solid.

Im not a fan of flashbacks since I'd rather just experience them instead of timeskipping over them and then flashing back to them, but whatever's going on with Helia is interesting and if I have to speak to past Coralie to continue whatever arc Helia is on atm I'm all for it

I dont want to say it but to not disappoint myself but...

could Helia be having a Herrscher awakening?

(or equivelant, you know)

This is so freaking cool. If this actually is a Herrscher awakening or something similar, this is the best one they've done. Period. If it isn't, then this is fucking amazing for Helia as a character.

I DID NOT REALISE SHE WAS HOLDING A KNIFE UNTIL HER HAND BEGAN TREMBLING

And back to wierdo flashback bubble world but actually not? You can not be telling me that Earth is facing these Calamities after Honkai Eruptions and before the Sky People. Everyone is so chill both currently on the Moon but also in APHO, but Helia has these memories of her and Coralie going to the battlefield to fight off these "Calamities" and there's basically no truly safe places on Earth any more. This is so fucking wierd if this isnt a bubble world. 1. Because it wasnt mentioned before this point. 2. Because they've already confirmed APHO is canon.

For as negative as I sound about it, I actually dig the Calamity stuff. I just still cant tell if its actually happening or not. And I still dont like that we're learning about it in freaking flashbacks. This sounds like the stuff you would start Part 2 on. Something like "we follow a new squad as they train to fight off a new threat after the End of Honkai". Calling them Calamity Pollutants to differentiate them from Honkai beasts makes sense.

And if this is a bubble world, why the fuck are we flashingback to it??

Okay I know this might be hard to believe, but I just wrote a scene like Helia and Nessa like, 2 days ago. Holy shit.

Oh my god why couldn't they have portrayed the Honkai like this???

Okay this HAS to be a bubble world, right? No fucking way they just skip over and dont mention an event like the Eight Calamity that made battlesuits unusable. BUT THEN ASJDI POHas dwhy am I seeing this then?? I dont hate the writing - I hate that I dont know how this connects.

Is the "She" Serapeum mentioned Leylah? I feel like the simulation plotline is finally getting interesting.

HOLD THE FUCK UP

WHAT

Oh wait that was the first mention of Senadina in like, 3 chapters? 4?

Oh also missed it, but DAMN Hoyo is actually using 3D models for 3D stuff! fucking FINALLY. There's been a lot of that this chapter and just honestly great. Took them long enough to learn that 3D gacha stories requires more efforts than just making cutouts or 2D images.

Im so happy I am recording myself playing because I can go back and pause, something we fucking lost for some reason like oh my fucking god Hoyo please bring back replayability.

Back to my point, that was either Leylah or Helia's hooded friend behind Smolrandal.

Back to Helia now.

Fire, power, burning self away, looking at herself. Those get repeated over and over for Helia. Something's definitely up.

Also I wish enemies still moved while aiming. I can move around. Cmon. Would actually make aiming at all of them feel impressive instead of "and now I wait for 2 seconds"

I kinda really really really really really really want to see Helia snap. Like I REALLY want to see it. If she does - best chapter in a LONG time. If she doesnt - what the actual shit is Hoyo writing.

Completely unrealated to the chapter, but I am getting better at listening to Japanese speech. Like, I can tell when a sentence ends and begins. Because the voice acting is really good this chapter, I've caught myself several times going "its not over yet, they havent said the last part of the text yet" this chapter.

I can also point out specific words here and there. Feels good. Anyways, back to the chapter coz

Oh my god Helia is sacrificing her heart

Is the hooded figure Helia? Like, is she actually just Helia? She speaks of wandering snowy fields like the area the "bubble world" and Calamity stuff happened in. She speaks as if "Helia can't save Coralie" is something that has happened over and over and over and over and over again.

YUP, Hooded friend is Helia from another world! What the fuuuuuuuuu

HOLY FUCKING SHIT. You know, I thought of keeping Coralie heavily injured but alive in my Snippets AU.

No shot.

Nope.

No way.

I would be doing Helia such a huge disservice.

Oh my god. "Oh, right... Aria, whose life or death is uncertain." GIRL YOU SHOT HER TO MAKE HER YOUR BAIT SO YOU COULD GET TO CORALIE IN TIME. I was fully expecting it to go into a fast paced competition of who can clear the most monsters with the voice saying how Helia is weak and wasting time.

And then Helia pulled out the fucking gun.

I didn't even pull the trigger, the game did that for me!

Wait Smolrandal and Entropy got teleported to the middle of the tower then.

Is Senadina Leylah and Entropy? The Day's are dressed similarly to Leylah.

Also I still want to see Helia snap and burn the tower to the ground.

"Make a puzzle and dont put markers to exactly guide the player to the solution challenge (impossible)" -Hoyo.

Immortality is a lie! Coralie cant be saved! Is this where Helia snaps? Its coming, it has to, the entire chapter is building up to it excellently.

...............

..................

........................

Did the writing team slip their pen at the end? That plottwist literally made me go "heh?"

What the fuck?

That wasnt even a good twist! What the fuck was that? What? Huh? Excuse me?

This chapter is literally that horse getting drawn worse meme, except its absolutely amazing until the very end.

HEH?

What was that twist?

It literally makes no sense.

Its on the level of "Vita pulls off her suit and it was actually Kiana all the time!" twist. That'd make no sense! And neither does this twist! What the fuck???

Unless this is just a red herring and "killing Helia" is just her way of sacrificing the last of her humanity. In which case this cliffhanger is still awful because HEH?

[undressmewithyoureyes]

KING - (ELEVEN)

**Lillith**

Its pitch black - which could be a good thing or a bad thing. My fingers twitch - ready to take the soul from someone. We exit off the helo, except for Nik. He’s staying back to be a lookout and to also be ready to get us the fuck out of here if shit goes sideways. 

The place here in Bamberg, Germany is creepy as hell. Its an all black facility with dark orange lights sporadically around the area. It almost looks like a plant, but not as big. Thank God for night vision. 

“You know the layout of this place?” Gaz asks me. 

“Sadly no,” I say as I sling my AR over my shoulder and reposition the sling to sit more comfortably. I prefer my knifes or hands, but my guns get me out of last minute situations. I guess you could say the best of both worlds. “My guess is Alex is either in the middle of this place or the very top. Something that isn’t so easy to access and he has time to get a head start if someone here is looking for him.” 

“Where do you want us to go?” Rosa asks. She's a good operator. Quick on her feet and hands, but her downfall is her stealth. She's had some close calls in the past, but her quickness makes up for it I guess. 

“I want everyone to stay out of any light. If theres multiple, be smart,” I say looking around at everyone. I pull my mask over my face and adjust it so it sits like it normally would - over my nose. My helmet covers the top of my head and my night vision goggles are mounted on top. The only thing you see if my green eyes and even those have black paint over them. Its my signature look. 

“Rosa and Soap, you two clear the right side. Gaz and John, you clear the left side,” I say as I look at the last member who has yet to be named or assigned, “Casper, you’re coming with me straight down the center.” 

Rosa and Soap snort and Ghost narrows his eyes at me. “And for the love of anything Holy or Unholy, do not let anyone call from their radio and set the alarms.” Thats the last thing we need. 

Everyone agrees and bumps arms for good luck I guess. Ive never been on a team, so thats the only thing that makes logical sense. Ghost gives me a look and I start walking forward. The center of this place has the most lights - and its not that I don’t trust everyone else, I would rather take on the hardest part. It allows me to think, which allows me to get my mind off other things. 

“Casper huh?” Ghost says. We’re all wearing ear pieces so it comes straight to our ears allowing us to talk in a whisper where other people cant hear us. 

“Don't cry about it,” I say with a grin, “Its a joke, not a dick.”

Rosa chimes in, “Something you should try to get.” 

Thats the downside of these fucking comms. And another reason I like working alone. 

I hear Soap snort, “Whys that?”

“Don't answer it,” I say as Ghost follows behind me - both of us close to the walls of this place. 

“Because she’s so stressed out. She needs someone to fuck that attitude out of her,” she pauses and the comms is deathly silent. “Which is something she's never had before.” 

I scoff, “Oh, I have too.”

I stop when I see movement ahead. Ghost stops right behind me and I can feel him pressing against my back, “If you have Widow, they didn’t know what they were doing,” he says dangerously low. Even though it was through our ear pieces, he said it right next to my ear. I close my eyes as I try to push those thoughts somewhere else. Somewhere being…my pussy. 

“I agree with Ghosty,” Rosa replies almost immediately. 

I snort at her nickname to him, “I will slit your fucking throat,” he replies back. It wasn’t a joke, but a promise. 

“Only if you promise to make it painful.” Jesus, can she say anything without it being sexual. Ghost lets out a frustrated sigh and my anxiety sits in when I noticed we haven’t heard anything from Price and Gaz. 

I go to speak, “Two guys ahead smoking cigarettes.” Its Price. I reach behind me and tap Ghosts leg to get his attention and then signal for the movement ahead. He gives me two taps on the side of my thigh and we move forward - death within the shadows. 

Theres also two men in front of us talking to each other with their backs turned. If they were smart, they would be facing each other to guard each other. Fucking rookies. “Rosa, do you and Soap have two men too?”

“Affirmative,” Soap says through the comms. 

“It wont be my first time taking two men,” Rosa chimes in with her whorish comments.

Jesus fucking Christ. 

I love her confidence, but no wonder she cant find a good man. She throws herself at anyone and anything. I hear a few grunts through my ear piece and that lets me know that they dropped their bodies with knives.

“Was war das?” The guy on the left ahead of Ghost and I says. Their body language is stiff and on high alert. I reach down and loop my middle finger into the hoop of one of my throwing knives. Carefully, I pull it out and grab it in my hand, finagling it until the tip of the blade is between my pointer finger and thumb. This makes throwing the knife easier - but that also depends on the weight distribution of the knife as well. Mine, perfectly balanced. 

I take in a breath and exhale as I throw. The knife flips through the air in a perfectly straight line and finds its home at the base of the guy on the lefts neck. Before the other guard can react, Ghost throws his knife - the crunch of bone as it dives into the guys skull is music to my ears. No doubt he has a faster throw with more power behind it. He's a big guy - which means more force. 

Both guards drop and we quietly move forward to them. We each grab them by the back of the collars of their shirts and drag them into the darkness. We cant have our new friends being seen yet. 

I search the guard that I killed - specifically looking for a radio, but there isn’t one. Too be sure their only form of communication isn’t on a cell phone. Could be, and they just have a tracker. Ive seen that before. I grab my knife from the guards neck. Pulling a little harder since its lodged between bone. The suction sound it makes as it breaks free and the blood pours is a beautiful masterpiece. 

I wipe the blood off the blade on my pants and repocket the blade. I never leave my weapons behind - unless I absolutely have to. Ghost also does the same. He presses one foot on the guys neck to hold him down as he forcefully jerks the knife out of the dudes skull. The cracking sound of his head splitting even more would cause anyone to squirm, and he eyes me to see if it does. He has a long road of shit ahead if he thinks the sound of bones breaking or blood squirting gives me the ick. I find the melody to be relaxing. 

Psychotic I know.

“Both bodies executed to the left,” Gaz says through our ear piece. 

“Both bodies done for on the right,” Soap replies. 

They must travel in pairs. Smart, to a certain extent. Ghost and I walk forward - listening to any movement and he keeps checking behind us every few steps to make sure were not going to get fucked from behind. We come to an opening and I look to the left - theres two men. I look to the right, theres another two. 

“Theres four in front of me,” Price says low. “Two about twenty yards ahead and then two more another twenty yards back.”

The comms go quiet for a bit when I see the figures to my left moving slowly with precision. “Price,” I say out in a whisper. 

“Yeah Darling?” 

I have a feeling we reached a dead end here, “Hold your right hand in the air.” The two guys in the shadows to my left stop. Then the guy on the left holds his right hand in the air.

I breathe out a frustrated sigh. I hear movement to my right. Its Soap and Rosa. “Well that wasn’t as fun as I thought it was going to be. Two guys?” Rosa starts. Im waiting on a whorish comment. “Im just saying.” Here we go. “Three is a charm.” 

I can hear the eye rolling off everyone - myself included. “Can you please keep it in your pants and act like a fucking operator for fucks sake?” My tone not being the friendliest. 

She rolls her eyes and lets out a huff. I look around us. Its a fucking ghost town and its eerie. To be sure, the guy has to have more men than just six around here. 

“What wrong?” Ghost asks. 

I shake my head before turning back to the team, “I don’t know. Six men? You mean to tell me he only has six men guarding this place?”

“Maybe he has the inside?” For once, Rosa actually says something that could make sense. 

“Yeah, but why have all your eggs in one basket? If shit hits the fan, thats more lives lost than if they were spread out,” I counter. Something isn’t adding up. “Lets move into the building. Spread out as much as we can. Price and I will take lead. Ghost and Rosa, follow behind, but keep your distance. I want to make it seem like when someone hears us, they think its just two people,” I take a breath, “Gaz and Soap, you will be my anchors. Follow even further back - in case we miss anything.”

Everyone nods and we head towards the building. Its not as big as it looks when you're a thousand feet in the air. Its a three story building with minimal windows. The wear and tear shows its age, but its sturdy. Not a bad place for what he’s using it for. 

Price and I stand on each side of the door with our backs pressed against the wall. Ghost squats down in front of me with his AR on his shoulder ready for whoever is on the other side. Rosa is squatted down in front of Price the same. Gaz and Soap stand a few feet back with their guns drawn. This way, anyone inside will get hit from all angles, but us, you’ll never know which direction were coming. 

Ghost reaches out and turns the knob on the door. My brows furrow a bit when it unlocks - like Alex was waiting for us. He quietly lets go of the knob and eases the door open with the barrel of his gun. The door creaks just a bit and everyone stops breathing to listen for any movement on the other side. 

I watch Ghost shake his head ‘no’ - not taking his eyes off the room before him. Another gut feeling sinks in that something is off. Price and I are the first ones to enter. Followed by Gaz and Soap - then Rosa and Ghost since they took point. 

The inside of the building is dimly lit. Its one long corridor with no doorways or openings. Just one long hallway thats about a few hundred feet long. I join Price up front and the rest follow suit with our formation. 

We quietly walk down the hallway - my left hand gripping one of my pistols in my thigh holster and my right hand is gripping on of the throwing knives. Perks of being ambidextrous in the field. We reach what looks like a wall, but its the end of this straight corridor and our next place is to turn right.

“Is this place a maze?” Rosa whispers out. “The feeling in here is off.” Another thing she says thats true and not sexual - thank fuck. 

A chill runs up my spine when I feel eyes on me. I stop and so does everyone else. “What is it?” Gaz asks. 

I shake my head - indicating its nothing, but I can feel someone close by…and I don’t like it. I take a few more steps forward and finally, I hear voices. 

“U nas byla sdelka,” I hear a Russian guy scream out. Alex. He’s on the phone with someone and its obvious they just pissed him off. “Ty ne znayesh', s kem svyazalsya.” 

“Why would a Alex be in Germany doing business if he’s Russian?” Price asks to not anyone in particular. 

“Thats what were going to find out,” I tell them as I unholster my gun and turn the corner with it pointed. The rest of the team following my lead. 

Alex has his back to us and my eyes quickly scan the room. Theres no one else here. Just him. “Povernis' k chertu!” I yell out. Alex jumps and tries to pull the gun from his waistband in mid turn. I fire a round in his shoulder and rush towards him. I pull the blade with my other hand and stab him exactly where my bullet went - sending him to the floor screaming. 

He hits the floor hard - his head bouncing off the concrete floor. I kick the gun away from him as I reholster my gun. I leave the knife in for the fun I'm about to have. I jerk him up with both hands fisted in his shirt and throw him in the chair thats behind his desk. 

I guess this is his office. Bland. It has a small desk with paperwork scattered over it. A wooden chair and one filing cabinet. Theres no pictures or anything on the walls. Just grey concrete. My only issue, there’s only one way in and one way out. So if we get ambushed, our backs will be against the wall…literally. I flip my night vision goggles up to see better in the lit room, and everyone else does the same.

“Bring the chair to the side of the desk and tie his legs to the legs of the chair. Leave his left arm out, but restrain his right one,” I tell Soap and Ghost as they pull out zip ties from their vests. I have a game I want to play. 

Alex tries to get out of the chair, but Ghost punches him straight in the face. Blood pouring from his nose immediately and I'm almost fairly certain its broke. “When did you learn Russian?” Soap asks as he ties Alex’s right leg and right arm in place. 

“Im fluent in several languages. It helps speed up the interrogations when they try to bullshit you,” I respond. “Alex, you speak English?”

Alex looks up at me with a sinister look and spits. Blood covering my boots and some of my pants. I walk over to him and reach for the knife in his shoulder, but his free arms grabs my wrist and attempts to break it. He did exactly what I wanted him to do.

Thats cute. 

I jerk my arm away and grab his free hand with my left hand - my right grabs another knife. I immediately stab his hand to the desk, right between his ring finger and pinky. He lets out a blood curdling scream and tries to move his hand. Its not going anywhere. I stabbed it not only through his tissue, muscle and bone - but also in the wooden desk. Plus, the top of the blade, which is the thickest is facing me. The sharpest side is facing towards him. Theres a reason for that and its fucking painful. 

“Do you speak English?” I ask again in a cheerful voice. This is my happy place. Hearing people scream from my torture. 

“Fuck you bitch!” He seethes as blood spits across my face. It doesn’t bother me. 

I grab the knife in his shoulder and twist. He lets out a silent scream as the squelching sound of blood and tissue mix. Its a lullaby that can put me to sleep. “Im sorry, what was that?”

I twist the knife in the other direction as blood now pours from the wound. I can feel the tip of the metal blade scrape against the metal fragment of the bullet. His breathing is becoming heavier. He’s losing a lot of blood, so his heart is trying to pump as much as it can to stay alive - but at the same time, its killing him faster. A catch twenty two. “I said,” he pauses to take a few breaths as blood drips from his lips, “Fuck you…bitch.”

God, I wish he could see the grin on my face. “Fuck me?” I say standing straight up and pointing my pointer finger at myself. My tone mocking. 

I take a few steps back and turn towards everyone in the room. Rosa’s complexion is now a few shades lighter. She's never been the one for gore - which has always made me question her field choice. I asked her one time about it and she just said ‘because it felt right’. Whatever the fuck thats supposed to mean. However, everyone else’s eyes are dilated - wanting more. I remove my AR from over my shoulder and prop it against the desk - giving me access to do what Im about to do.

“Fuck me,” I say with a slight laugh and everyone else gives a chuckle too - even Rosa, the best she can. “Hm.” I turn back around and bring my foot to Alex’s chest - pushing him and the chair back so tilts back. A scream I've heard from many men fill the room - as well as the sound of flesh ripping. The knife on the table stays in place, but his hand is beyond fucked up. 

The chair falls back and crushes his other arm beneath him, breaking it. I immediately stand over him and grab his mutilated hand - three of his fingers in my left hand and the other two in my right. “I can be a cordial person Alex,” I say as I begin to pull my hands apart. Blood from his hand pours out as I rip the skin even more. 

Rosa adds her dry heaving to the mixture of sounds within the room. “I asked a simple question, but yet you gave me a fucked up answer. So,” I pause, ripping the skin even more - exposing bone. His screams now becoming silent and the color draining from his skin as sweat pours from his body. He's going into shock. “To make it fair, I gave you a fucked up hand.”

The knife through the hand is one of my favorites. If I wanted it to be quick and a clean cut, I would have positioned the knife the other way so the sharp edge would give a clean cut and be less painful. I cant have that. I need them to feel every rip. Every tear and every fucking ounce of anything else I give to whoever is begging me or at the mercy of my hands. 

“Who is UNKNOWN?” I ask through gritted teeth. The blood coating his hand is making it harder to pull, but thats fine. I have something else for that too. My eyes drift to his and I see he’s drifting in and out of conciseness. I let go of his hand and reach into my vest and pull out a syringe. I flip the cap and stab it into the center of his chest - immediately pushing the clear liquid into his body. I throw the syringe across the room and wait for the liquid to take effect.

Adrenaline.

The pupils of his eyes dilate to straight needles as he takes in a gasp of air, “You’re not fucking done until I say you’re done. And I've got all day.”

I slap him across the face - a bloody handprint to leave as a reminder. “Lets try an easier question,” I say, “Where are your men?”

His chest heaves up and down from the drug I gave him, “You…killed them.”

I snort, “In this whole place, you only had six men guarding it. Give me something I’ll believe.”

His face scrunches in confusion, “Six?,” he says almost out of breath. “Theres at least fifty men here.”

That gut feeling sinks back in, but this time the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I cock my head to the side to look at Ghost, “We need to lea-.” I see something move out the corner of my eye. 

I go to speak, but several cans are thrown into the room and immediately spray gas in the air - filling the small room. For once, I don’t wear my gas mask and fucking regret it. I cover my mouth with my arm and grab my gun. Trying to stab someone in a fog of smoke is like bringing a knife to a gun fight…literally. You don’t have a good chance. 

The team starts coughing and I hear bodies hitting the floor as wheezing follows suit. My eyes grow heavy as I go towards the door frame to get out of this gas and to also kill whoever the fuck threw it. My legs get weak and my body feels heavy, but I manage to get to the opening and lean against the door way. 

I cant help it, my lungs start to burn and I start coughing. Fuck. My eyes grow heavy as I step out into the clear opening. Six men have their guns aimed at me - each with green lasers centered on my vest. They’re ceramic plates - which are the best, but they’re not invincible. 

I take a few steps back, my gun going back and forth with all six men. My hand shakes and keeps dipping with each breath. Whatever was in that gas, wasn’t just for a smoke out, but some kind of sedative. 

My back finally hits something hard and I rest my head against the uneven surface to try and collect myself. My mind is foggy and my whole body at this point weighs a million pounds. The gun drops from my hand. A deep growl from behind me causes the panic inside me to set in, but on the outside, theres nothing I can do - just like it was a few years ago. Its happening all over again.

I push off the hard surface the best I can on shaking legs and turn around. My blood runs cold when I see the person standing before me. It was a set up and he planned it. 

“Konig.” Its a soft whisper. Thats all I can manage before my legs give out and my body falls into him. He huge arms wrap around me and pick me up as my head rests against his shoulder. My eyes fight to stay open as my body feels like its floating, but weighing me down at the same time. 

“Leave the rest,” he says. His accent thick. “We got what we came here for.” 

I swallow hard at his words and before the darkness consumes me, the last thing I see is his green eyes staring down at me. 

*******************************************

Was war das? - What as that? (German)

U nas byla sdelka - We had a deal (Russian)

Ty ne znayesh', s kem svyazalsya - You dont know who you’re fucking dealing with (Russian)

[meggannn]

atsv rewatch notes that i forgot to share

in gwen's flashback, mr stacy says "why wear a mask if you've got nothing to hide?" may parker says "no politics at the dinner table," and gwen pointedly says "thank you, may" to which may winks at her. does may know she's spider-woman?? that would definitely add another layer of angst if may thinks she's responsible for her nephew's death as well

gwen goes to visions academy in her universe too, evidenced by the logo on the drums she plays and the shirt her dad's wearing. so no wonder she could sneak her way around in 1610, but also, her school seems to be in chelsea (manhattan) not brooklyn? unless their band practice is just in chelsea and they stole a drum set from brooklyn lol

one of gwen's posters just says SOCIAL MEDIA lmao

the fact that in gwen's touching selfie of her and miles you can still see peter's sweatpants legs in the background from where he's passed out on the bus is so funny to me

65's police department is also called PDNY, so i guess peter's NYPD in 616 is the odd one out

captain stacy calls his partner "yuri"! i assume it's 65's yuri watanabe?? (edit, the director's commentary confirms this)

according to his arrest log, the vulture was a middle school secretary before being arrested lmao

i just realized we were going to get miguel's backstory and then gwen interrupts it because she doesn't care. so i guess my theory about miles being the only one who can interrupt others' monologues because he's an anomaly is incorrect lmao

i didnt realize before the helicopter crashes, she looked at miguel and miguel nodded, implying "i'll get them" for him to clear the way while she handles the people in the helicopter. i think her competence and flexibility are why he changed his mind on bringing her to the team, along with her dad ofc

a reactor pointed this out (Lupa from YaBoyRoshi) but when gwen is pleading to her dad not to arrest her, he and the colors behind him literally become divided with a dark blue line against white background. i interpreted this as a metaphor for his indecisiveness but it's also. literally. showing a thin blue line foreshadowing his choice. that's insane

gwen saying "i don't know how to fix this." and miguel tosses her a watch after saying "yeah, well, join the club"—didn't realize this had two meanings lol, one inviting her to the society but also admitting he doesn't know how to fix any of this

i'm very impressed by how much they put into the spot on a rewatch, like the voice acting is excellent and they made him jiggle up and down going "this is real!" when he meets miles. it's so cute. like all the extra details just make it great

lmao when miles does his intro he shows himself growing like a head taller than gwen, and about as tall as peter b and noir?? ldkfjdlfk im sorry buddy you're not quite there yet

during miles's intro he meshes the past year with his current fight with spot, and he narrates beating up bad guys with a bunch of shots of him punching villains—then it cuts to him failing to punch the spot; quickly followed by the spot and miles tied in a bunch of weird scenarios with the dimensional holes, including miles's face on ohnn's body, all played for comedy. foreshadowing baby

all of the jeopardy categories when miles hosts are spider-themed. "swingin' in the rain" "arachnidioms" "spider sense & sensibility" "the wide web world" "thwip it" and i cant read the last one

not only does miles's baby powder apology video have more dislikes than actual views (69 million to 10 million, yes, a 69 joke), a youtube comment also says "old spider-man didn't need baby powder" so the youtube comments section is wrong in every universe

in his mustache apology video, once again there are more dislikes than views (70 mill to 11 mill) and a comment says "i heard it was made from actual spider legs tho fr"

miles drew his friends over his subway mural and everyone's always in cool action poses EXCEPT PETER who also gets a shot of him sloppily eating a burger oh my god. it cracks me up he draws more of the other spiders but so little of peter lkdfjld. but this is sweet tbh i hope somehow the gang sees this in btsv :(((

at the counselor meeting: "you thought i could do something special. and now i think so, too. and the special thing i want to do is this. there are people out there who can literally teach me the things i want to learn. and they're not all in brooklyn" my heart hurts

when the spot destroys a building in the lego verse someone goes "does anyone have the instructions for this building??" lmao

when miles is hanging with gwen, you can hear him faintly say "no it's not the greek burger place" and we don't know what he's replying to but. what's the bet he told gwen how terrible peter's favorite burger place was on the bus back from alchemax and it's an inside joke between them

miles left his jordans in a random alley in brooklyn chasing after gwen!!! MILES!! (but then later when he's trapped in 42, they glitch back onto his feet???)

miles still swings using the same bounce-crouch he learned from peter im gonna die. you can see it esp when compared against pavitr and gwen when they face the spot

i thought i missed when miles picked up an empenada but i didnt, they literally just cut straight from jess mentioning them to miguel's narration then miles walking down the hallway with it. did miles ask jess+gwen+hobie to stop by the cafeteria first lkfdjlf.

miles bounces when miguel's lift starts to descend. he's so excited to meet him :(

peter says mayday took a crap and then he takes her offscreen but. he doesn't actually change her diaper. mayday was sitting in a dirty diaper that whole chase and somehow wasn't upset? or are we supposed to believe that large spiderweb mayday bounces off of (which we never actually see getting built between one shot and the next) was being used as a very quick one-second changing station? lmfao peter

sun spider says "miles, i'm a huge fan of your work" which. wow everyone not only knows about miles's situation but follows his actions in 1610???? wtf. also does miles have fans?? (aside from the og gang)

after seeing how frustrated/desperate peter gets to have miles hold may, i'm 100% convinced he knew when miles entered the society, ran back home to grab his baby, and came back to nueva york just specifically so miles could meet may, but it turned into a shitshow and now he just hopes THIS conversation can go well if he can make it happen like he imagined in his head. like aww, but also peter, he doesn't want to talk about your daughter right now, he wants to talk about his dad lol. right words, wrong time

and peter doesn't even bother trying to escape the webs miles traps him in, he just kind of hangs there angrily?? lfkjlf

the text around hobie's portals reads ENTER PORTAL with an arrow, NEXT STOP, EXIT STOP, i think MIND THE GAP, a weather report, and i think miles's name?? maybe also 616, miles's dimension?

when miles realizes he's in the wrong dimension, the same leitmotif plays from the first movie when he walks down the school hall realizing something was different after the spider bite

miles's terror and joy at seeing aaron in 42 is palpable. he will always love and miss him, he will probably always wish he could speak to and ask aaron for help again, but he will never forget being chased by the prowler, and aaron about to kill him on the rooftop. i think some part of him will forever be that kid scared of the person in the prowler mask—or at least wondering what that person is capable of, how far that person is willing to go to get what they want—which is a very fitting question considering he then faces another miles behind the prowler mask shortly after. i suspect in btsv he'll have to ask himself the lengths he is willing to go to, in this universe or the next, to save the people he loves. heartbreaking

i adore the telltale art style of earth-42, it's so gorgeous and noir-like, reminds me of the wolf among us