#i have such a backlog of writing now oh gods

[knightcallie]

Baldur's Bounties: Nicknames

At any point in life, one was given a nickname. It may be a shortening of a name, or perhaps it described something. That something could be of anything: circumstances, personalities, a moment in time, the body, favorites... Weichei contemplated the ones he has accrued over his lifetime and ones for his companions.

Weichei has been compared to a star before. He was not like the sun, something gentler. But he was not like the moon, something not so melancholic. The bright freckles on his cheeks had earned him the nickname of Starcheeks by Einar Cadmus, the paladin who gave it all up for music. His penchant for cannons and explosions earned him the name Starburst by Relentless Makatza, the gunslinger grandpa. 

His partners don’t really use the star nicknames from their own language (stellino, sternchen), using his love of cherries and his family nickname. ‘Cheri’ was typically called sweetly, fondly; but he could remember the calls of exasperation and shrill shrieks. ‘Mauschen’, the little mouse of his family. He was so small compared to his absolute giants of his family, and his ever moving inquisitive ears.

But for some reason, ‘Starlight’ slips out of his lips terribly easy for the vampire spawn of the camp. Astarion, little star in elven. Star was an obvious nickname, but for some reason, Starlight, was the one that left his lips. Wyll can take calling Astarion ‘Star’ or ‘my star’.

He can remember when he first called Astarion that, it earned quite an inquisitive look. It was like seeing the stages of grief on that pale face, but not those exact emotions. Then, a bit of a forceful bark of a laugh. “That’s cute darling.”

Then he kept calling him that throughout the adventure, earning some teasing queries from the other companions. He honest to gods don’t know why it came to him so easily, but nicknames were just also a 2nd nature to him. Damon was Dage (his big brother), Dalmond, Macadamon. Lor was just lengthening it and making the names just as ridiculous. Asperitas was Peri, Pear. Volna was Voli, Vol, Spines. Beaulieu was Beau, Bear. Damiano was Dame (either sayings), ex-husband/exie/my mistake (an extremely funny explanation), dancer. Vierna was Vie, Vienna. Yasdia was Ya-ya, Yazzy. Temerity was Mer, always Mer.

His new companions also had nicknames, though some may be kept to himself. 

Lae’zel was Lae, Zel, Lae’bel. Though, he’s not sure she’d be too keen with the nickname Toad being said familiarly. Suddenly, his heart ached at the memory of sharing custody of a frog and toad with Voli. They named them Missile and Toad respectively, especially fitting when Vetleviola came along.

Shadowheart was Orchid, Doe, Heart. He does shorten it to Shart from time to time in his journal. He’s sure she’d be appalled and punch his arm for it.

Wyll… bill… Duck, he landed with duck, and it stuck. The warlock hearing his reasoning admitted it was silly, but then when he explained that it also meant “dear” or “darling”, he softened. 

Karlach was harder to pin, having drawled out Karl. Lackey could be seen crossed out heavily in his journals. Fireball could be used, or perhaps comet. He’s working on it, maybe Chath (drow elvish for fire) would work.

Gale took some doing. They have been calling each other bookie, for their love learning and infodumping when allowed. He could see the wizard be an Eres-blessed, majorly at that. He could’ve been Eres’ Passion, and perhaps that’s why he called him Iris.

Halsin was Hal or Bear. He did remind him of Beau, he has seen large elves before. He married Beau, and his Vaddy was built like a tank. Though in his sleepy state, he has called the wood elf Sisi.

Jaheira reminded him of a grandmother, Oma slipping easily from him. She could complain and argue she was not that old, but she holds Joma close. She was probably around his parent’s age, maybe a little older. He’s also called her Heira, she doesn’t make as much fuss.

He’s told the group the whole splattering of names he’s been given. Weichei had become Weich, Cher, Cheri, Cherry, Cherries, T’puuli, Cher bear, Little Whistle, Silver Silence, maus, mauschen, little maus, triel, little triel, starcheeks, starburst, son, Batty, pup, puppy, little bat. And more he couldn’t quite recall. He’s lived 250 years, made so many friends across the trade, taught so many. 

He wondered, if the others were jealous of the type of life he’s lead. Out of everyone, he didn’t have a terribly tragic past, an abuser in his life. He’s grown up poor and constantly moved in a trade considered dangerous, but those were circumstances. His deity was quite different from the others, well the pantheon overall from his home was vastly different. They actually listened, but some do have iffy times with responses. As Eres’ passion, he was granted the blessing to be able to talk with his goddex often. Though, because the pantheon was different here, he needed a magic source to even be strong enough to get a signal.

He’s been called “my passion, passion” before, but that’s because he was chosen to be that. But hearing it fall from Gale’s lips did leave a warmth in his chest, a twinkle in his eye. Wyll took the various forms of Cheri, the familiarity just felt comforting as he leaned into the man. Astarion kept using “darling”, but that was kinda for everyone. But, he has taken to calling him mouse, finding it quite amusing especially after learning why.

[cuephrase]

Of the DC comics you've read so far, what would be your top recommendations for people to check out/what have you enjoyed the most?

when i tell you i have been thinking about this all day- i have been thinking about this. all. day.

so disclaimer, as of writing this, i have only read 31 runs from start to finish and 18 arcs/events outside of those runs. on top of, everything i've read so far has been strictly robin-centric, so dick, jason, tim, and damian. (i have read all of steph's robin appearances lol, but i haven't gotten to reading material for her, like say batgirl 2009, yet.) i've also decided not to rec from any run i'm currently reading, so for example, you won't see any batman: gotham knights recs here. because i'm most well-read on the robins, i'm only going to rec for them.

also, i'm going to operate under the following assumption: you've got a basic knowledge of the robins. none of these are where i would necessarily recommend anyone start reading about the boys, but i do think they'd be pretty interesting if you're already somewhat familiar with them and don't want to commit to reading whole character backlogs. does that make sense? i hope that makes sense.

alright, let's do this!

DICK GRAYSON

oh god. this one is actually so hard because he has so much great stuff, but then also i have like a love/frustrate relationship with so much of it. like for instance, i really enjoyed The New Teen Titans, but also lowkey can't stand space adventures so whenever that went down i was like 😀👍. but okay. hmmmm.

i have two preboot recs, with explanations + caveats.

devin grayson's mob!dick arc, so Nightwing 1996 #99-100, 107-117. caveats: it doesn't really get to finish playing out/wraps up weird because of editorial changes/infinite crisis. but!! it's a super interesting look at how dick handles...failure. how he values himself in light of that failure.

tomasi's run, but specifically #147-153. (listen, i love the dick and tim moments in 'freefall' but the whole eternally pregnant lady thing was too weird.) this is classic, hyper-competent dick, okay? he's such a bad-ass. and an idiot- bro literally flops his severely injured ass over the bars of his glider and rides it UNCONSCIOUS back to the batcave. i can't with him. poor alfred. anyways, he deals with two-face, always a good time. and then at the end, as a treat, he cries because bruce is dead. so fun!! what was my caveat here? oh yeah, he has a girlfriend. i don't remember her name, she serves like...very little purpose, the whole relationship is very minor/background okay, but like it was so unnecessary. he can be single, dc, it's okay.

for post re-boot, just read tom taylor's run!! it's the best thing ever!! zero complaints!!

HA. yeah, just kidding. that run is very like/frustrate for me lol. oh man i'm struggling here. it's not all bad okay, i'm just really picky, and i haven't re-read any nightwing n52 and onwards since my first foray into comics (8 months ago) so my memories of these are the foggiest and i'm not sure how i feel about all of it in light of what i've read now. yk what, i'm just going to...not rec anything. sorry!!

JASON TODD

his comics either go so hard or they're absolute ass, why is there no in between. istg, i can't figure out why writers struggle with him so much?? well. i mean, i do have theories. but you didn't ask for those!

pre-boot:

detective comics #569-574. robin!jason in the hands of writers who like him is so much fun. which, don't get me wrong, i don't flat-out hate how starlin writes him, but i think you get a more well-rounded view of jason as robin when you also see him in 'tec. jason and bruce tangle with the joker, scarecrow, + mad hatter, and all of those adventures are...idk if they were intentional foreshadowing okay, but reading those and knowing where the story goes? oof. especialllllly #574. caveat: #572 is pretty light on jason, but he is great when he's on panel!

reboot:

probably a very basic answer but rhato rebirth (2016) #1-13, annual #1. i abhorred n52 rhato so i almost skipped rhato rebirth since it was still written by lobdell, but i'm really glad i didn't. i really enjoy jason's relationship with bizarro + artemis, but especially with bizarro because i think jason struggles a lot with feeling like a doomed creation, so yk, parallels. i want to say more but i know i'll get too wrapped up in discussing jason so i'm just going to stop myself.

i actually really enjoyed task force z, too. i think about tfz #8 so much, jason is such a manipulative little shit and i love it. he's so- i can't. i can't get into this rn, it deserves its own post(s).

overall for jay, i need people to read something other than utrh/lost days/b:ul 1-6. i love those, i do, but they aren't the only good pieces of jason content!!

TIM DRAKE

MY BELOVED!!!!!!!!!! in my heart of hearts, i just want to rec his whole robin run lmao. dick was my intro, okay, he is why i decided to start reading comics, but tim, specifically his robin solo is why i'm still reading comics. hooked me fr. and young justice 1998, ugh love. but it has been a minute since i read these as well, so hmm. okay okay okay

pre-boot:

batman: prodigal. short version, tim is robin to dick's batman. super fun. there's a solid amount of dick and bruce angsting too, which, love. tim is honestly just thrilled that jpv is out of the batsuit and even happier to working with dick. very cute.

robin #46. listen. they're all superheroes okay, they all feel pressure to save people. but tim...losses get to him. the amount of times that he gets shoved to a breaking point and then...gets back up. keeps going. *screams*. anyways!! this is not tim getting back up, okay? this is him being shoved way, way down. it's so good.

teen titans 2003 #20. tim's dad has died. he shows up for his weekend at the tower anyways. he is not okay. that's it, that's the pitch. i did not like...mmm at least 80% of this run okay, but a few of the issues HIT and this was one imo.

reboot:

*deep sigh*. look. tim is not tim for like basically all of n52, although there are moments here and there were he feels like himself. i did not like his 2023 solo, the best parts of young justice 2019 imo are the character designs, (except for his drake costume, what was that omg), and i haven't read any rebirth batman/'tec yet. except for zdarsky's run. which. tim is good there! but yeah, not really a whole lot of material to work with + very limited reading experience atm.

DAMIAN WAYNE

god, i love this kid. nature vs. nurture fascinates me, and so much of his story digs into that on top of trying to figure out who he is apart from all of that. i will say, i'm not a huge talia fan and by that i mean, i have no idea who she is "supposed" to be, like i have no frame of reference for that atm, so if you are a huge talia fan these recs might not hit for you because from what i've observed from her fans she is not well portrayed a whole lot since becoming his mother? i think one of the things that is normal is dick absolutely disliking her though, which cracks me up. there's this older batman story (batman #322-335) where bruce works with talia and dick goes running to selina and i was so entertained. what were we talking about? oh! damian!

preboot:

batman and robin 2009 #10-12. damian is struggling, with a lot of things. the fact that bruce might be alive, what that means for him and dick, and his mother's puppeteering. there's this line that kills me: "can't you just love me for who i am? not what you want me to be?" and the thing that gets me, is the use of who vs. what. because he could have said, "not who you want me to be", but he doesn't

reboot:

batman: shadow war. this is post-alfred's death, and honestly, most damian stuff post city of bane is pretty juicy, but there's this specific moment in shadow war: alpha #1 that had me speechless. just like 😧 i love bruce, but that man has some of the most chronic foot-in-mouth disease. oh but fair warning, for whatever reason they don't draw dami's mask connecting?? it's so- it drives me nuts.

JUST FOR FUN

these are just two issues that i enjoy for the brother content!

nightwing 1996 #25. dick and tim's relationship makes me ILL. *ahem*. this issue is mostly just super cute and fun, (there's like 0.2 seconds of angst when tim asks dick if he ever thinks about jason 😭) and i adore it sm. fun fact, it's actually one of the first comics i ever bought!

batman 2016 #16. unfortunately, tim is not here for this, but duke is! jason and damian's interactions in the background of bruce's Very Serious Speech are excellent. bruce is so dramatic and his kids are so unserious.

what i've most enjoyed

i've enjoyed the majority of what i've read, even titles/events i wasn't particularly looking forward to but had on my tbr for whichever character. i'm going to break down most enjoyed into two catergories, arcs that i loved top to bottom and then the guilty pleasures. this is not an exhaustive list, just what immediately came to mind.

top to bottom

bruce wayne: murderer?/fugitive. shocker, ik. but it's just, it's just so frickin good. i've said before, and i'll say it again, gotham war could NEVER. this right here is peak batfamily drama. the tension? the mystery? the angst? i knew nothing going into this okay, and truth be told, when i started it i was like "oh joy. another event." because i was just trying to read the 1996 nightwing run, but i'd committed to reading in full all the events it crossed over with. but i was invested so quickly. and like, i loved how the narrative supported the possibility that bruce was the murderer, because like, you know there's no way, but the more that comes out the more damning it is, and so you're like really dying to know what actually happened and i feel like the reveal was satisfying.

batman: city of bane. i'm going to cautiously put this here, because there might have been something i didn't like but i cannot recall it for the life of me right now. something about me is i love when the heroes lose. infinity war, empire strikes back? love. and ik bruce takes back gotham, but they lose alfred, okay, they lost. i also didn't expect to like this arc, i decided to read it because i wanted to know how alfred died. and first of all, i was shocked, even though i knew it was coming because i expected it to like happen towards the end. but nope. just *snap*. and then later when bruce is back in the manor and is confronted with alfred's body and his good-bye message? oh. my. god. i was bawling. despite my penchant for sad narratives, i don't tend to cry that much, but this got to me so bad. like i had to pause because i couldn't see. amazing.

red robin. his cowl is so ugly, but i really do love the run. i see a lot of discourse about it and also a lot of...interesting fanfic takes, so i don't really talk about it a lot here because it feels like most people are kind of tired of hearing about this run, which fair. i really enjoyed it as a sequel to his solo robin run. tbh, i almost put this in the guilty pleasure catergory, because there are a couple things i don't totally love, but like if the others are 10/10, this is 9/10.

young justice 1998. i love this comic so, so much. i don't even know what to say, i get so overwhelmed with joy when i think about this comic. nothing has hit the same way with this group since either, which is a crime. i need a title with this team so badly.

guilty pleasures

these are all runs/events i know some/most? people cannot stand and i totally get why, and i have problems with them, so i'm probably never going to rec them in good conscience but also like i can't lie and say i don't like them. these are not recs, okay? okay.

robin war. is it a hot mess? yes. but there is not a whole lot of canon content out there with all the boys working together, okay? so much of that event had me banging my head into a wall, but for me, there were a handful of pearls in there. i mean honestly, if i listed out pros and cons the cons list would be way longer but those pros are very precious to me.

batman and robin: eternal. very similar reasoning overall to robin war. plus cass finally came back!! i missed her. i love robin!dick and batman content, and the kids working together. this is probably my least favorite guilty pleasure though, okay, it's on thin ice.

grayson. listen, i love janin's art sm. i'm pretty neutral about spy stuff, so like i don't engage with it a whole lot. meaning, although i've heard it's tropey af in regards to the genre, i'm not familiar enough with the genre to be like trying to dig my eyeballs out with blunt spoons at the cliche of it all. the constant sexualization of dick got old super fast, and her name may have been helena but she wasn't- my list of dislikes is lengthy. but idk, i had fun with it. and imo it does have some genuinely great moments, i love dick in the desert with the baby, the ache i felt when dick wanted to come home and couldn't get ahold of bruce, issue #12 stabs me in the heart- the dick and dami reunion? stoppppp. i feel like this run and the ric grayson era are dick's most out there lmao

so yeah!! thank you so much for this ask, i had sm fun answering it. if you have any recs for me, feel free to drop them :)

[offside-the-lines]

Nico/Mtkachuk + Fist ❤

AH YES! The Nico/Matty agenda that I am trying to get off the ground. I fucking love this pairing so much, and I dont have time to get into this here. But this is barely even a mini fic. This is like a blurb. I got carried away. ESPECIALLY with the game yesterday being so chippy. Edit: omg this is a brand new tag in AO3. Deeeeeeply exciting for me.

~

“Matty?”

“Yeah?”

“What the fuck is your brother’s problem?”

There is a beat of silence over the phone before he hears Matthew cackling on the other end of the line.

“Matthew,” Nico aims for exasperated, but misses by a mile. There’s something about Matthew’s laugh at always gets him.

“Sorry, sorry,” he manages to say between wheezes, “It's just— You should know by now that us Tkachuks only know how to communicate via fist."

"Come on, be serious Matty. I don't want him to hate me already," Nico sighs, his brows furrowed.

"He doesn't hate you, Nicy," Matthew offers, voice laced with gentle fondness, "He's just protective. Wants to test you or something. I can talk to him if you want. It won't change anything but—"

"No! No—" Nico is quick to interrupt. That would be fucking embarrassing. "I just wanna get this right, you know?"

"Nico," Matthew's voice softens, "that's— Remember when I tried to tell you I liked you by almost killing you on the ice, like twice?"

Nico chuckles, "Aaaand I was just starting to forget about that too."

"Shut up," he laughs, "My point is that we're just like that. I promise, if he actually had a problem, he would make it extremely extremely clear."

"Yeah, okay. You know, normal people just do a shovel talk right?"

"Oh, don't worry, that's still gonna happen. Although, Taryn's the one you need to watch out for. She's really lethal with the field hockey stick."

"Jesus, am I going to have to fist fight Brady for your hand in marriage," he mumbles to himself.

"Aww, babe," Matthew coos through the phone, "You wanna ma—"

"Oh my god," Nico groans.

"—but yeah, you should probably start training now," his voice bright.

Nico lays back in his bed and hums, letting the warmth of Matthew's voice nestle in his chest, tucked under his rib cage. He's only 80% sure he's joking; it might be worth it anyway.

After a beat of silence, Matthew speaks up again, "Wanna switch to Facetime? There's some other things I can do with my fist that I wanna show you."

Nico muffles a scream into his pillow to the sounds of Matthew's giggles. He accepts the Facetime request anyway.

~

Send me a player or pairing + a word, and I’ll write a mini fic about it. (I am running on quite a backlog right now so it might take me a while to get to your request).

Read other prompt mini fics!

[hollybell51]

ok i know you said requests are backlogged but i also read your sam winchester fic (oh my god???? so good!!!!!) and i noticed that you put dean on your tag list form and i am literally in love with him so if you get time could you do like a hurt/confort fic for him where the reader gets like seriously injured and tells him she loves him because she thinks she's dying and doesn't wanna die without saying it?

Anon you are in luck, the supernatural brainrot is still going strong. Also if you wanna be tagged in stuff make sure you submit responses to that form otherwise I don't know what usernames to put xx

The other thing

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Dean Winchester x fem!Reader

Supernatural (2005)

Word count: 5.8K

Summary: hunting a ghost that only seems to attack young women, you volunteer yourself as bait. The plan doesn't exactly go to plan, leading to some confessions being made.

Content: ANGST. Angst, besties. Hurt/comfort, mainly hurt but there is some comfort there, whump (sorta), mostly Dean's perspective but still second person narrative voice (loml), probably bad characterisation but I think it's passable???? Sam is like the no. 1 Dean/you shipper, A+ wingman. Badly written emotional vulnerability but I tried I promise. Kissing, first kisses, "I love you"s, bit of blood but not too explicit, hospitals, etc. etc. Dean is a warning on his own but yknow what I love him. I may have missed some stuff so please don't hesitate to catch me on it!

Notes: ft. my freaking awful titles lmaoooo. This isn't really set during any actual episode, but I'm sorta working off only having watched the first two seasons so just assume it takes place somewhere around then. Also the more I watch this the more I just wanna grab him and put him in my pocket or something, it's so bizarre. He's so pretty. I love his cockiness, I love the little eyebrow thing he does, I love the little jaw thing he does. Sorry if I messed up any lore or anything, writing this was a fever dream but tbh I had fun, it's nice to just sorta write you know? Thanks for the suggestion Anon

“Guys, can you hurry up?” 

Dean glanced over his shoulder, frantically sprinkling fuel over the exposed corpse below. He couldn’t see all that much in the darkness, but it didn’t exactly look like you had the upper hand. None of them had realised how big the ghost was until now, and with the machete it was currently slashing at you…

“Almost there!” Sam shouted, striking a match and casting it into the grave. The remains went up with a “whoomp!”, the ghost howled and stumbled back. It was difficult to really know what happened in those few moments as the light from the burning remains glinted off the metal of the machete and the ghost shimmered and began to disappear, but what was clear was that something had happened to you. 

“Fuck,” you groaned, dropping your own weapon with a dull thud. You staggered, catching yourself on a headstone before your knees gave out and you sank to the ground. You were hunched over awkwardly, your shoulders heaving, hands clutched tight to your stomach. 

“(Y/N)?” Dean asked, frowning. Were you hurt? Just out of breath? 

“I’m alright,” you called. “Just… give me a second.” 

“Shit,” Sam muttered, dropping the salt and packet of matches and running towards you. “Dean!” he yelled as he knelt down, stripping off his jacket and balling it up, pressing it to your stomach. 

No, Dean thought. No, no, no, no. He was frozen, the can of fuel dangling limply from his fingers. He’d known using you as bait for a psychotic ghost murderer was a bad idea, even when you’d insisted that you’d be fine. It wasn't that he didn’t think you could handle it – he’d seen you in action enough times to know you were a force to be reckoned with – but he’d had a horrible feeling something was going to go wrong from the moment you’d laid out your plan. 

“He goes after girls, right?” You’d had an uncomfortable light in your eyes, all steely determination that Dean simultaneously loved and hated. Loved because, well, it was so you and it meant you were getting shit done, hated because more often than not you were putting yourself in danger. And yes, he was aware of the hypocrisy. 

He’d tried to talk you out of it, Sam had too. But once your mind was set – and set it was – no amount of convincing on anyone’s part could do anything about it. The second the idea had begun to form in your brain, the path was laid and there was no point trying to change that. 

“You better get over here man, quick!” Sam’s voice dropped, but wasn’t quiet enough that Dean couldn’t hear his next words, addressed to you. “Just hold on, Dean’s coming. Keep breathing, ok?” 

Fuck, that didn’t sound good. Dean’s limbs jerked back to life. He didn’t waste another second, sprinting the few metres through the forest of tombstones to where his brother was bent over you. 

“Don’t just stand there!” Sam yelled, one hand pressing his jacket to your stomach. “Help me!” 

It was like his body was moving on autopilot, kneeling beside you and taking over from Sam without any input from Dean himself. Dully, he noticed that there was already a warm, damp patch on the jacket, as well as a dark spot glistening darkly over your side. Shit. 

“I’ll be fine,” you’d insisted when he'd raised his doubts. “I’ve got you guys. You just burn the bones fast, I reckon I can hold him off for a few minutes.” Then you’d shrugged, grinning. “And if it all goes to hell, I know you’ve got my back.”

Yeah, fat lot of help they’d been. 

“What happened?” he asked. 

“He got me on his way out,” you laughed bitterly. “Can you believe that? Halfway gone and he just–” You broke off, making a vague slashing gesture with your free hand. “God, I’m an idiot.” 

“No, no you did fine. We shoulda been quicker.” Dean assured you, pressing harder. “Sorry,” he muttered as you let out a pained whimper.

“‘Salright,” you grimaced. “My fault. Dean, I gotta–” 

“Shh, no, it’s fine. It’s ok, you’ll be ok.” 

You shook your head, tears mixing with the sweat on your face. He watched one trace a path through the dirt caked on your skin. “It’s important, please.” 

He shook his head. “The only thing that’s important right now is keeping your eyes open, yeah? Just… just do that.” 

“I’m calling 911,” Sam said. “Just stay there, don’t move.” 

“I’m not planning on taking off, don’t worry.” You smiled tightly, then your face twisted in what Dean thought was fear, panic even. It was like a punch to his stomach, he hadn’t seen you look that scared since… Well, ever. Your hand fumbled over his, trying to find something to grab. 

“It’s alright,” he told you, pressing on the jacked one-handed as the fingers of the other one twined with your own. “It’s alright, (Y/N).” 

“No, no Dean, you have to burn me. Make sure you salt me, uh… Sage, use sage too.” 

He felt the blood drain from his face, cold rushing through him. “What?”

“Please,” you begged, your voice breaking. “I don’t wanna hurt anyone. You have to get rid of me, ok?” 

Oh God. Oh God. Dean looked up, searching frantically for Sam. He was watching you while he talked to the emergency operator, his fist pressed against his mouth and his hand shaking where he held the phone. He met Dean’s eyes, shaking his head. 

“You’re not gonna hurt anyone because you’re not going anywhere.” Dean’s voice was blessedly steady, despite the uncomfortable lump in his throat. 

“Promise me,” you whispered, then shouted when he didn’t respond. “Promise me, Dean!” 

He gripped your hand tighter, your own fingers digging harshly into his flesh. “I promise you will be ok,” he said. 

You sobbed, your body heaving under the rapidly dampening jacket. That was way too much blood for Dean’s liking, and judging by the increasing urgency of Sam’s quiet conversation on the phone, he felt the same. 

Your panicked gaze locked on Dean’s face, tears coursing down your cheeks. “I don’t wanna go,” you choked. “I didn’t tell you. I can’t go.” 

Didn’t tell him what? It didn’t matter. He squeezed your hand in what he hoped was a more reassuring than painful way. “It’s ok, you’re not going anywhere, alright? You’re staying right here, I’ve got you.” 

“You’ve gotta listen to me, Dean–” 

“No, tell me later. Just hold on, save your energy.” 

“Dean–” 

“(Y/N) hold on!” 

“Dean!” 

“Dean, listen to her.” Sam had finished on the phone, the screen shining eerily on his face. At Dean’s raised eyebrow he gave a tiny nod. Yeah, there was an ambulance on the way. 

“Sam, she is not gonna die.” He shook his head, turning back to you. “We’ve got all the time in the world, ok sweetheart?” He searched frantically for something to say, anything to keep your attention. He was no doctor, but he knew it would be bad if you passed out. Very bad. 

“Uh… fuck.” He broke off, floundering. What would keep you awake? What could he possibly say after you’d just made him promise to get rid of your spirit once you were dead, which was not going to happen.

“It’s actually not a bad night,” he started, already kicking himself mentally. “Bit of a breeze. I guess it’s sheltered down there, you’ve got a nice, uh, headstone blocking it. Ground’s not too bad either, not too hard. Glad it’s not gravel, my knees’re killing me.” 

A watery laugh clawed its way from you before another sob wracked your body. “Dean, I gotta tell you…” 

“Can you see the stars from down there?” he asked, cutting you off. “I bet they’re bright out here. No light pollution.” He grabbed your hand as your fingers loosened their grip, dread settling like a stone in his stomach. 

Your eyes wandered away from his face, sweeping over the space behind him. You nodded, but the haziness that had slid over your face didn’t do anything to help Dean’s panic, especially now that you weren’t holding his hand nearly as tightly as you had been. 

“Wait,” he said, squeezing your fingers. “Just focus on me, keep looking at me.” 

Your eyes swung back to his. “Please,” you whispered. “Please Dean, listen to me” 

Sam’s hand settled on his shoulder, large and heavy. He nodded to your face when Dean glanced at him, and to his horror he realised there were specks of blood on your lips. 

He swallowed hard. He hadn’t realised, but this was probably one of the worst moments of his life. He’d entirely ignored even the possibility of you being injured, let alone dying – just thinking the word felt wrong – since you’d joined him and Sam, doggedly refusing to acknowledge the near physical ache the idea of your absence caused. Now it was happening, right in front of him. Heat prickled behind his eyes. 

He took a deep breath, steadying his voice. “Yeah, alright sweetheart. You tell me, I’m listening.” 

Relief washed over your face. “I wanted to say it,” you whispered, “before. I didn’t want it like this.” 

“It’s ok. Sh, it’s ok.” 

Your body convulsed under his hand with another sob, more blood leaking from the corners of your mouth. “I love you,” you choked. “I love you so much. I don’t wanna get stuck because I never told you.” 

Oh. Oh. Dean’s mind went blank, then crashed right back into his skull. It was like swinging on a swing, at the peak of the arc where you floated a little before you started going down again. Yeah, that was his brain in that moment. Of course you’d have the guts to say it when he didn’t, even if it was out of fear of becoming an angry ghost. He cursed the universe and its cruel sense of humour. He faced horrors beyond most people’s imaginations almost every day, but still couldn’t say three simple words when he wanted to more than anything, and now you’d taken the first step for him and it was because you thought you were about to die. Someone up there must have hated his guts.  

“I know,” he said finally, nodding. “I know you do. Hold on, ok? There’s an ambulance, it’s gonna get here any minute” It wasn’t what he wanted to tell you, but no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t make his mouth cooperate. 

You smiled, your grip on his hand all but nonexistent now. Your breathing was getting shallower by the second, your eyes unfocussed and no longer trained on his face. It was like now that you’d said your piece, you weren’t even trying to stay awake. He didn’t like to be too dramatic, but he was almost convinced that he was the one who’d been stabbed, not you. 

“No,” he whispered. “No, (Y/N), not you. Please, not you.” 

A wailing siren sounded in the distance, blue and red lights flashing rapidly brighter as the ambulance drew closer. 

“Just a few more minutes,” Sam said, pacing. His eyes never left your face. “Come on, (Y/N), any second now.” 

You were perfectly still, too still. Dean leant over, careful to keep applying pressure to your stomach as he listened for breath. The faintest hint of it brushed his cheek, not enough. He blinked hard, holding you against his chest, his face pressed into your hair. It still smelled like the cheap shampoo from the most recent motel, mixed with blood and dirt and sweat. It should have been disgusting, but to Dean it smelled so right. He wondered what that said about his lifestyle choices. 

“Please,” he whispered, his voice choked. “(Y/N)...” 

Your hand slipped from his, and it was like a damn breaking. He felt his shoulders jerk, something between a sob and a grunt torn from him. 

“I love you too,” he whispered, clinging so tightly to you he was half scared he was going to hurt you. “I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, (Y/N), I love you.” 

The siren was deafening as the ambulance skidded to a stop, Sam waving frantically to the paramedics swarming the graveyard. Someone pulled Dean back despite his protests. Cold stung his cheeks, the breeze from earlier having turned into a wind. It vaguely occurred to him that the reason it was so cold on his face was because he was crying. 

Everything was a blur as you were engulfed by uniformed paramedics, your limp form lifted onto a stretcher and born away into the vehicle. Someone tried to talk to him before Sam, uncannily put together and coherent, spoke to them and explained. There was a lot of nodding and “thankyou”s, then Dean was being loaded into the Impala like a little kid and Sam was driving like you were in the back seat instead of in the ambulance.  

All he was aware of at the hospital was Sam’s hand gripping his arm, muttering that he needed to pull it together “for her, man.” The harsh, clinical lights and the rush that everyone seemed to be in wasn’t helping Dean’s panic, every prone body he glimpsed taking on your face until he blinked and it was a complete stranger. What if the unthinkable really happened? What if you died, and he hadn’t been able to save you, keep you safe like you’d been so sure he would? What if you really did linger as a tormented spirit, what if he and Sam had to hunt you, get rid of you like you’d said? He didn’t know if he’d be able to do that. 

Finally, a serious looking man with a clipboard and a badge approached them. “Are you with the young woman–” he glanced at the clipboard, “(Y/N), who just came in?” 

“Yes,” Sam said quickly. “Yeah, how is she? Is she alright?” 

“She’s damn lucky someone put as much pressure as they did on that cut,” he sighed. “She’s lost a lot of blood, but she’s stable.” 

Dean let out a breath he hadn’t even realised he’d been holding, shoving his hands into his pockets to hide their shaking. 

“Thankyou,” Sam smiled. “Thank you, doctor. When can we see her?” 

He frowned at the clipboard again, tapping his fingers on the plastic. “Well she’s unconscious, I daresay she will be for a while yet.” 

“Please,” Dean interrupted. “I– we just need to see her.” 

The doctor raised an eyebrow. “You boys family?” 

“Brothers,” Sam lied at the same time as Dean said “husband.” 

“I’m her husband,” he went on, ignoring the little flip his stomach did. Somehow, the familiar lie felt different now that he’d told you how he felt, even if you hadn’t heard. “He’s my brother in law.” 

“Ok,” he shrugged, “but she won’t… Well, she was stabbed. There’s a lot of tubes, bandages, and she’s out cold. It might be…” He stopped, sighing. “Some people find it confronting, seeing their loved ones like this.” 

Dean felt Sam glance at him, but he ignored it. “Trust me,” he said with a tight smile, “I’ve seen worse.” 

He had not, as it turned out, seen worse. You were completely still apart from the gentle rise and fall of your chest, a thin cotton blanket pulled up and tucked in with clinical precision around your ribs. You had a little cut on your forehead that Dean hadn’t noticed at the graveyard. A drip trailed from the back of your hand to a cluster of bags suspended above you, a thin plastic tube wrapped around your head just under your nose. Oxygen, he assumed. If he ignored all that, you could have been sleeping. 

Sam pushed the door open softly, as if he was afraid he’d wake you up. Dean hesitated a moment, then followed him inside. Up close, he could see the light sheen of sweat on your forehead, the darkness under your eyes, the pallor of your lips and cheeks. He reached out to touch you, maybe lay his hand on your forehead or smooth your hair away from your face, but drew his hand back at the last moment. He didn’t want to somehow unbalance you from whatever tightrope you were walking right now, even though he knew that was illogical. Still, even breathing the same air felt somehow dangerous for you. 

“Did she tell you?” he asked Sam eventually. 

“That she loves you?” He didn’t give Dean a chance to explain that he hadn’t meant that, that he’d been talking about your fear of not-quite-death. “She never said it outright, but I sort of worked it out, y’know? You guys weren’t really that subtle.” 

Dean frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“Just…” He shrugged, gesturing vaguely between your prone form and Dean. “You’re always looking at her, when you think she can’t see you. She does the same. Always just sorta… doing little things for each other. And you’re always touching her, I don’t know if you realised.” 

“Huh. I didn’t.” It was true, although it didn’t really surprise him. He liked the little smile you gave him whenever he picked something up from a store for you – a favourite candy, something you’d mentioned you felt like – and he’d just assumed when you did similar things for him it was because you were, well, you. But now that he thought about it, he couldn’t name half as many times when you’d taken the same care and effort for Sam. Not that you’d neglected his brother, it was just… slightly less personal, less specially catered. He felt a surge of warmth for you, then a pang as his eyes landed again on your too-pale face. 

As for touching you, well, he wanted to. All the time. He wanted to put his hand on your shoulder, wrap his arms around your waist, hold you close and feel your heartbeat against his. Every brief half-hug or brush of your skin against his was something precious to him, so of course he’d want more. His mind flashed back to the tightness of your hand in his at the graveyard, the warm slick of your blood as you’d clung to him. Even that had been almost euphoric, past the raw terror and sickening dread. He was going to hold you like that again – under better circumstances – if it killed him. 

“Yeah,” Sam went on. “She’s the same, actually.” He laughed, shaking his head. “I remember this one time, Illinois, I think. We got a motel room with the longest couch you've ever seen. You sat down in the corner, and she comes and sits right next to you! When she’s got, like, another two metres of space to choose from.” 

Dean did remember that, actually. He remembered the rush he’d gotten as you’d squished up against his side, complaining that you were cold even though your skin had been warm to the touch. He still thought about it, sometimes. “Huh,” he said again. 

“Yeah.” It was silent apart from the beeping of your monitor and the normal hospital sounds outside the room, then Sam turned and faced him. “I’m sorry,” he said. 

Dean shook his head. “It wasn’t your fault. I shouldn’t have let her put herself out there like that in the first place.” 

“No, I was supposed to have her back. I shouldn’t have taken so long with the salt.” 

He wasn’t wrong, Dean knew that, but it had been him who’d agreed to your plan. You’d put your faith in him just as much as you had in Sam, and he’d let you down. He hadn’t liked the whole thing from the start, but still he’d gone ahead with it. And now here you were, lying unconscious in a hospital bed, and Sam was beating himself up about it. It was all so wrong, and Dean could have stopped it so easily. But as he looked at you, he swore he could hear you snorting derisively at him, crossing your arms with a firm “bullshit!” 

“It’s my choice,” you’d say. “You’re really gonna try to steal my credit?”

“She’d call bullshit on you, you know,” he said. 

His brother shrugged, nodding. “Yeah, you too probably. She’d poke you, right here.” He reached around and stuck his finger firmly in the middle of Dean’s chest, right where you’d done countless times. 

Despite himself, Dean smiled. Then your drip beeped and he was jerked painfully back to the present, and the problem at hand. 

“Did you know she was so scared?” he asked. “Of, y’know…” Dying. Haunting someone. Getting stuck here, not being able to move on. 

Sam didn’t answer for a moment, then he sighed, still looking at you. “She mentioned it.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Why didn’t she tell me? 

“She didn’t want me to. She thought you’d think… I don’t know, that she wouldn’t be able to do the job. She really didn’t want you to know she was scared, she was so worried about what you thought of her. She said you were…” He swallowed, cleared his throat, continued. “She said you were never scared, and she didn’t want you to think she was. Even when I told her we were all terrified.” 

“Damn right,” Dean muttered. You’d done a great job at putting on such a brave front, he’d sometimes wondered if there was actually something wrong with you. Or maybe not wrong, but different. He’d never known anyone who could handle the things they did so well, not even his dad. It was something of a relief to know that there was more to it. 

“She was convinced she’d be the type of person to get stuck,” he continued. “Kept saying she wouldn’t be able to move on, that she had too much that she was holding onto and she didn’t know how to let go.” He finally raised his head, looking at Dean with what he thought was pity. Any other time, that would have annoyed him. 

“That’s why she said it,” he muttered, the uncomfortable lump back in his throat. When you woke up, he was going to give you a serious talk about timing. 

Sam nodded. 

“And she didn’t–” His voice broke, and he turned away. He wanted to punch something, put his fist through the wall or slam his hand down on the table, but he was too scared it would somehow disturb you. “I didn’t say it back.”

“Woah, hey.” Sam’s hand was firm on his shoulder, steadying him. “You did, man. You did.” 

“I was too late! She was out!” 

“Yeah, and you can tell her again when she wakes up.” 

“What if–” 

“No.” Sam shook his head firmly, fingers digging into Dean’s shoulder, anchoring him to the spot. “She’s waking up, and when she does you’re gonna ask her out on a proper date, she’s gonna say yes, and you’re gonna sort yourselves out like adults. Ok?” 

Dean looked away. The prospect of asking you out suddenly felt enormous. Of course he’d taken girls on dates before, he knew what he was doing, but that had been more along the lines of “I think you’re cute and you’re clearly into me, let’s get dinner and then we can hook up.” He’d never faced “I’ve been pining over you for months and I was too scared to do anything about it but you almost died and told me you loved me – love, not like – and I have no idea where this is gonna go but Sam’s right and asking you out is probably the best next step even if it’s absolutely terrifying”. He was a total mess, and he knew it. 

“Ok?” Sam asked again, insistent. 

“Ok,” he agreed. “Ok.” 

“Good.” 

You didn’t wake up until a day later. Well, that was according to the time and date displayed on the clock opposite your bed. Dean didn’t really have any recollection of time actually passing. 

He was slumped in the chair beside your bed, your hand held gently in his own as he dozed. He hadn’t let himself fully sleep since you’d been brought in, too afraid that something would happen while he was out, despite all Sam’s urging. Eventually he’d just sent his brother back to the motel, assuring him that he’d be fine on his own and that he wanted to be there for you when you came around. 

He jerked out of his half-nap when your fingers twitched, cursing when his pain stabbed through his neck. Snoozing in hospital chairs was never a good idea. 

“Fuck,” you groaned, frowning at the ceiling. 

Dean cleared his throat, his mouth suddenly dry. “(Y/N)?” 

You turned, your face clearing when you saw him. He’d be lying if he said it didn’t make his heart skip a beat. “Dean,” you whispered. “What’re you doing here?” 

He shrugged, making to withdraw his hand, but your grip tightened. “I’m the ‘welcome back’ committee.” 

“Oh.” You nodded, smiling softly. You ran your free hand over the bandage circling your waist, studying the IV embedded in your skin. “We got him, didn’t we?” you asked. 

Right, the ghost. “Uh, yeah, he’s gone. Your plan worked,” he added, almost as an afterthought. 

“It was a pretty good plan,” you grinned. 

He shook his head. “It almost got you killed.” 

“But it worked,” you insisted, your eyes shining. “He’s gone, Dean. Who knows how many people we saved?” 

“And what about you, huh?” 

You shrugged. “You can’t get rid of me that easily.” 

He took a deep breath, bending his head so you wouldn’t see the moisture he was sure he could feel gathering in his eyes. How were you so casual about it? It had been your life on the line, you who’d gotten stabbed, who’d been bleeding out, terrified of not dying properly and becoming a ghost yourself. 

“Hey,” you said gently, your hand slipping from his, sliding up over his arm to rest hesitantly on his shoulder. “Are you alright?” 

“You almost died, (Y/N). Sam told me, what you said about getting stuck, being unable to move on.” 

You were silent for a moment, then you sighed. “Well it’s just awkward now that I’m still here.” 

Despite himself, Dean laughed. He raised his head, placing his hand over yours, rubbing his thumb in a circle over it. Your skin was warm as ever, dry to the touch. It was such a contrast from the graveyard, one he was glad of. You smiled, some of the colour already returning to your face. 

“I’ve always got your back,” he said, “no matter what. Why didn’t you just tell me?” 

“I wanted to, I really wanted to. But I just… I don’t know, I just couldn’t. Every time I tried it was like this brick wall went up in my brain.” You shrugged, drawing your hand back as you shifted to sit more upright. Dean missed its warmth instantly. “You’re always so… unfazed, you know? It felt kinda stupid.” 

He snorted. Sure, Sam had already told him what you’d said, but it was different coming from you. 

You folded your arms, as if you’d just won an argument. “See?” 

“Shit, (Y/N),” he said, shaking his head. “I’m not – what’d you say? – unfazed. This shit gets to me too, I just…” He thought, unsure how to phrase it. “I didn’t wanna scare you,” he finally settled for. “Didn’t want you to worry.” 

“Oh.” You picked at a loose thread in the blanket, biting your lip. “And the other thing?” 

“Yeah, the other thing.” He’d known this was coming, he’d tried to find the words as he’d sat beside you, waiting for you to wake up. He’d almost had it, he told himself. How hard could it be, after all? 

“I didn’t wanna die with, like, unfinished business. That’s the main reason people stick around. It felt like if I didn’t get it out there, I wouldn’t ever be able to… keep going. Move on.” You swallowed, not meeting his eyes. “It’s ok,” you went on, “if you don’t, y’know, feel the same. I’d understand.” 

So you hadn’t heard him. Dean wasn’t surprised, but some part of him had been clinging to the hope that somehow his words had gotten through to you even as you were bundled into the back of the ambulance. 

He shook his head. “I just wish you’d said something before.” 

You looked up, hope chasing confusion across your face. “What?” 

“I wish you’d said something before,” he repeated. “It would’ve saved us both a lotta trouble.” 

“I don’t…” You frowned. “What’re you…?” 

He shrugged, his heart beating a million mph. “I love you too,” he said simply.

You blinked, opening your mouth to say something, closing it again. Slowly, a smile crept across your features. “Alright,” you grinned, way too smug for Dean’s liking. “Alright then.” 

“Don’t push it,” he warned, but the threat was empty and you both knew it. 

You shifted again, leaning towards him. “Come here,” you said softly. 

He stood, ignoring the ache in his back from the bloody uncomfortable chair. 

Impatiently, you beckoned him closer. 

He raised an eyebrow, brushing a stray piece of hair from your face. “Do I get to kiss you?” 

“That’s the goal, yeah.” You rolled your eyes, tilting your face against his hand. Dean wasn’t fond of the whole “butterflies in your stomach” thing, but he had no idea how else to describe the feeling that tiny gesture conjured. It really was like someone had released a swarm of the things inside him, and he wasn’t sure if he liked it or not. 

You were watching him expectantly, almost like you were challenging him. “Go on,” your eyes seemed to be saying, “try it.” 

He did. Your lips were softer than he’d expected, and just as warm as your hands. You made a sound somewhere in the realm of a sigh as his hand slid down to rest on your shoulder, pushing gently towards him, your own fingers running over his jaw to brush along the back of his neck. He couldn’t believe he’d waited this long to kiss you, and now that he’d finally taken the plunge, he never wanted to stop. 

But he had to breathe, unfortunately, and so did you. 

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,” you whispered. You were still close enough that he could feel the words against his skin. 

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,” he replied. 

You laughed, a soft, breathy sound, and closed the tiny gap once more. “I love you,” you murmured between kisses, “and I’m sorry it took me almost dying to say it.” 

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that too.”

The door handle clicked, the hinges squealing. “Ok, so I ran into the doctor on the way in— woah.” 

Dean stood up so fast he almost overbalanced. 

Sam was standing in the doorway with a disposable coffee cup in each hand, his mouth hanging open as he stared from you to Dean and back again. 

You cleared your throat. “Hi, Sam.” 

He shut his mouth, shoving the cups into Dean’s hands as he crossed the room and bent to hug you with a muttered “thank God.” 

“Watch it,” you warned, “I’m injured.” But your arms snaked around his back anyway, your voice muffled as you pressed your face into his neck. 

“You’re never allowed to scare us like that again,” Sam said firmly. 

Your eyes found Dean’s over Sam’s shoulder, and you smiled. “I’m not really planning on it, don’t worry.” 

Sam just laughed. “How’re you feeling?” he asked when he finally let you go. 

“Ok,” you nodded, then frowned. “Hungry.” 

Sam glanced at Dean, who shrugged. He’d gotten bored some time in the morning, and the packet of pudding that had been left on your bedside table along with a bottle of water had been practically begging to be tasted. He’d wondered if you’d wake up before they brought a replacement, he’d even felt a little bad eating your food, but he was hungry, dammit, and when Sam had left he’d said he would come back “later” which meant “tonight”. And that was too long for Dean to wait. He also didn’t have any money on him, and wouldn’t have left your side for the cafeteria when the pudding was right there. 

“What?” you asked. 

“He ate the pudding they left you,” Sam said. Dean never should have mentioned it, but he’d been desperate to get Sam to bring him something and it had felt convincing over the phone.

Dean glared at his brother and the coffees – which were very noticeably not the fast food he’d had in mind. “You try living in that chair for a day, see how long you can go without.” Then he turned to you. “You didn’t miss much, don’t worry.” 

“Well, I’m hungry!” you protested, crossing your arms and looking for all the world like a petulant toddler. 

Sam’s words about asking you out echoed in his mind.

“I’ll buy you dinner,” he said. “At an actual restaurant, not a fast food place. As soon as they let you outta here, alright? In the meantime…” He reached for the bottle of water, handing it to you with an apologetic shrug. It was better than nothing. 

You wrinkled your nose at him. “This is a pretty shit first date.” 

“I’ll make it up to you,” he said. Then, on second thoughts, “It’s not a first date, Sam’s here.” 

“Geez,” Sam muttered, “sorry. And after I got you a coffee too.” 

“Did you get me one?” you asked hopefully. 

“No,” he said slowly. “But you can have mine if you want?” 

You sighed. “I don’t like it how you do. But thanks,” you added with a smile. 

“Sorry, I just wasn’t expecting you to be awake.” 

“Have a little faith, Sam.” 

He smiled, glancing between you and Dean. 

“You owe me a coffee, and you owe me a dinner,” you continued before he could say anything. Dean thanked you silently. He didn’t really want a shovel talk from his own brother right now, which he could see Sam was just dying to dish out. He wondered if you’d be getting one. Probably, but he had no doubts that it would be less “shovel” more “talk”. 

“Soon as you’re fixed up,” he said. “I promise.” 

“And it’ll be a date?” 

“Sweetheart, it’ll be the best first date you’ve ever been on. Trust me.” 

You just grinned, ignoring Sam’s fake-disgusted sigh. “Ok.” 

[voxofthevoid]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by my one and only Jesus @eusuntgratie

I recently cleared out all the ask/tag games in my drafts because I realized I'd reached the pile-up stage of putting things in there and not doing shit. Thanks to everyone who's tagged me in those the last couple of months and sorry I didn't get to any!

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

148

2. What’s your total ao3 word count?

2,005,606 (crossed the 2 million milestone recently and am still buzzing about it)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I'm only writing for Jujutsu Kaisen, but I'm posting for Jujutsu Kaisen, Bleach, and MCU.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

I was so sure it was going to be all MCU, but nope, it's a mix of MCU and Hannibal. God, that was my first Ao3 fandom, and my Hannibal fics are from 2014. It's surreal people are still reading/enjoying them.

if you're looking for jesus (then get on your knees)—MCU

i'm a ghost, you're an angel (one and the same)—MCU

A darkness seen and shared—Hannibal

Ways and Means—Hannibal

the hand you want to hold is a weapon (and you're nothing but skin)—MCU

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! I enjoy the interactions and discussions. Plus, since I'm not a Discord (or group spaces) person, it's how I find fellow fans to chat with, especially during my initial foray into a particular fandom. I do have a huge backlog of some 1.1k comments from 2020 to mid-2021 because I didn't have much time for fandom in that period. I'm chipping away at it slowly, but I'm pretty prompt about replying to everything on my post-2021 fics.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmm, this Hannibal fic, I'd say: Till the bitter end

Let's just say I predicted the series finale in some weird way.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of mine end happily—a few are ambiguous, while others are dark.

8. Do you get hate on fic?

Oh yeah. It's only happened with MCU and Jujutsu Kaisen, and they're mostly cases of overgrown children unhappy that I didn't write the ships or dynamics they want.

9. Do you write smut?

It's my specialty now 😎

10. Do you write crossovers?

Nah. I've done fusion-style AUs, but full-on crossovers aren't something I'd like to write. I'll read them, but I'm picky.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Multiple times (MCU and YoI, iirc), both within Ao3 and offsite.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Multiple times, for multiple fandoms! It's always a delight.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I did write one(1) fic that way, but it got yeeted into the void when my co-author deleted her entire Ao3 account. I have a copy, I think.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I'm the kind of person who's most devoted to whatever is eating my brain at the time, so right now, it's Yuuji/Gojou from Jujutsu Kaisen.

15. What’s a wip you want to finish but probably won’t?

My writing superpower is that if I lose interest in a WIP, I also lose all desire to finish it and any guilt about it. And these days, I tend to start a fic and work on just that till it's done. So the answer is—none.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I write some smokin' hot porn, and I'm pretty good at threading character study through it. The porn is the plot, in most cases. I also enjoy doing background worldbuilding that serves to give the narrative a sense of depth despite the focus being on characters and relationships.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Fight scenes, ensemble casts, and sustained plotty plots.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Ah, I can feel my Hannibal-era Google-translate Lithuanian judging me.

In general, I avoid it, but when I write for anime set in Japan, I tend to work in honorifics. My mother tongue has those too, so I know from experience that there are no English equivalents that capture the same vibe.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Hunter x Hunter, I think. That account no longer exists. On Ao3, it's Hannibal.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

I tend to be biased toward my newer works, so this keeps changing. At the moment, it's (let me be clear) every version of the story ends with you being slaughtered (JJK, goyuu).

Tagging (no pressure) 20 people because why the hell not: @possibleplatypus, @actualalligator, @joeys-piano, @cursedvibes, @backwardshirt, @m34gs, @naamah-beherit, @dragongirlg-fics, @crossroadswrite, @spacebuck, @jenroses, @calamitouskings, @knivash, @lo-55, @bookwyrmling, @sorrythatwasamistake, @ddelline, @lilyfarseer, @roughkiss and @deunan306

[snarkythewoecrow]

snippet of my untitled wip for a fandom i had no plans to write for, which is The Sandman, and it's a dreamling fic

seems i'm back on my predictable bullshit in life and writing things i had not planned when i have a backlog of other shit that needs doing

well, at least i'm predictable

so, not sure when it'll be done, not really sure about how the readers and fandom are over in these parts, but eh, rolling with it

i haven't read the comics, only seen the show, and this is me finally giving into the little gremlin in my brain and writing this shit so it'll shut up

this story will be heavy, angsty, and please see the bold warning below:

This fic (and snippet) contain implied rape/non-con

okay, so a little snippet is after the cut, i'll be working on this over the next week, creative energies are slowly returning, enjoy!

(oh and it's a/b/o too, in case that's not your thing)

"Please, Dream, it's not—I didn't—" Hob tried, the world a blur as his only anchor cutting the chain between them.

The stumbled, hurried steps he took in chase never had a chance of reaching him in time—Dream didn't allow himself to be halted unless he chose—Hob knew but still tried.

Further pleas remained lodged in his throat, though, as his gaze briefly caught a glimpse of the discarded flowers which now lay like corpses on the table.

His fingertips brushed Dream’s arm, but before they could make purchase, a gust of sand swept him away.

A hundred thoughts, all dripping with an oily coating of shame, overcame him.

His hand came to claw at his chest as realization of what Dream must have assumed, seeing him in that state, sank into his bones.

Shame and regret pried its fingers between his ribs and yanked, making plenty of room for anger and hurt to make a home.

Oh god, he’d thought… Dream had seen the teeth marks set into the flesh of his neck and not even hesitated to make a judgment…

And that fact, that he hadn’t paused, that he’d just seen the marks left on him by that—by that fucking alpha the night before—the one that had taken what he’d had no right to have….

It seemed impossible that the pain of what he’d been through could have been made worse, but this? The way Dream’s expression had hardened, closing off, the way he’d taken a step back then another, lifting his chin before discarding the flowers on the table, saying all too crisply, “I apologize for disturbing your privacy so unexpectedly—I’ll take my leave.”

Dream had not waited for an explanation—and as insane as it was, the hurt of his dismissal didn’t immediately bring Hob to tears. Instead, it lured something a bit more frightening from the depths,  dragged from the mangled mess of his heart.

Something that sounded wrong to his own ears—a giggle, small, then growing until it twisted and became just shy of deranged.

His shoulders shook as laughter overtook him, louder and more bitter to the point of hysterical as it cut his throat like shards of glass until he was choking on it, until he submitted to the hurt and folded to the floor, right there on his knees in the lingering sand on the floorboards.

[taylor-swift-bracket]

🎇Please reblog!🎇

Notable Bridges

(Under the cut)

Speak Now (Taylor’s Version)

Dear John

You are an expert at sorry and keeping lines blurry

Never impressed by me acing your tests

All the girls that you've run dry have tired lifeless eyes

'Cause you burned them out

But I took your matches before fire could catch me

So don't look now

I'm shining like fireworks over your sad empty town

Oh, oh

Enchanted

This is me praying that

This was the very first page

Not where the storyline ends

My thoughts will echo your name

Until I see you again

These are the words I held back

As I was leaving too soon

I was enchanted to meet you

Please, don't be in love with someone else

Please, don't have somebody waiting on you

Please, don't be in love with someone else (Ooh)

Please, don't have somebody waiting on you (Ooh, oh)

Back to December

I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile

So good to me, so right

And how you held me in your arms that September night

The first time you ever saw me cry

Maybe this is wishful thinkin'

Probably mindless dreaming

But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right

I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't

So, if the chain is on your door, I understand

Long Live

Hold on to spinning around

Confetti falls to the ground

May these memories break our fall

Will you take a moment? Promise me this

That you'll stand by me forever

But if, God forbid, fate should step in

And force us into a goodbye

If you have children some day

When they point to the pictures

Please, tell 'em my name

Tell 'em how the crowds went wild

Tell 'em how I hope they shine

Long live the walls we crashed through

I had the time of my life with you

Mine

And I remember that fight, 2:30AM

As everything was slipping right out of our hands

I ran out crying and you followed me out into the street

Braced myself for the goodbye

'Cause that's all I've ever known

Then you took me by surprise

You said, "I'll never leave you alone"

evermore

champagne problems

Your Midas touch on the Chevy door

November flush and your flannel cure

"This dorm was once a madhouse"

I made a joke, "Well, it's made for me"

How evergreen, our group of friends

Don't think we'll say that word again

And soon they'll have the nerve to deck the halls

That we once walked through

One for the money, two for the show

I never was ready so I watch you go

Sometimes you just don't know the answer

'Til someone's on their knees and asks you

"She would've made such a lovely bride

What a shame she's f*cked in the head," they said

But you'll find the real thing instead

She'll patch up your tapestry that I shred

ivy

So yeah, it's a fire

It's a violent blaze in the dark

And you started it

You started it

So yeah, it's a war

It's the fiercest fight of my life

And you started it

You started it

Tolerate it

While you were out buildin' other worlds, where was I?

Where's that man who'd throw blankets over my barbed wire?

I made you my temple, my mural, my sky

Now I'm beggin' for footnotes in the story of your life

Drawin' hearts in the byline

Always takin' up too much space or time

You assume I'm fine, but what would you do if I

Marjorie

The autumn chill that wakes me up

You loved the amber skies so much

Long limbs and frozen swims

You'd always go past where our feet could touch

And I complained the whole way there

The car ride back and up the stairs

I should've asked you questions

I should've asked you how to be

Asked you to write it down for me

Should've kept every grocery store receipt

'Cause every scrap of you would be taken from me

Watched as you signed your name Marjorie

All your closets of backlogged dreams

And how you left them all to me

Right where you left me

Did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen?

Time went on for everybody else, she won't know it

She's still twenty-three inside her fantasy

How it was supposed to be

Did you hear about the girl who lives in delusion?

Breakups happen every day, you don't have to lose it

She's still twenty-three inside her fantasy

And you're sitting in front of me

[evilpenguinrika]

How about 4 and 73?

Ask Game For Fanfic Writers

4. what is the plot bunny you’ve been carrying for the longest? optional bonus question: do you ever wonder why you haven’t written it yet and experience deep existential dread?

OHHHH BOYYYYYYYYYY. I actually have a few I believe. But I'll share a few since this would end up getting way too long lol (plus I would have to comb through my backlog to remember):

I have two plus one rewrite ideas for Ikarishipping. The rewrite is basically just a whole rewrite (for the second time in my life) of my biggest at-the-time on-going fic Bluebells and Lavenders/re: Bluebells and Lavenders that I posted way back on ffnet. The reason being that when I first wrote BbaL I was like, 13-15 and got a really nasty flame comment (I am showing my age with this lol) about my grammar and writing syntax, plot, etc and like, at the time despite English being my first language, I just could not understand grammar or the basics of the English language (look, words are hard okay 😥).

So I decided from that flame comment I was going to rewrite that fic and I did when I was 16-17. But since then my writing and style have changed and I would like to rewrite it and post it on ao3. I think I haven't gotten around to it is because it's just... A lot to do. And a lot to plan. When I rewrote BbaL and wrote re:BbaL I had meticulous notes that I have no idea where they are now.

The other two Ikari fics I want to write, one is insp by Marianas Trench song "Haven't Had Enough" which I also originally wanted to do a Cosplay Music Video back when I was 15-16 because why not lol. Plus CMVs were really popular back in my day (OH GOD I USED THAT PHRASE). I'm not sure if it's still popular now? It would be, also a Modern AU/College AU I think? I haven't really thought that ahead other than "slow burn rivals to friends to lovers" LOL

And the second idea is just inspired by the song "SUPERMODEL" by Maneskin. I'm not sure what the root idea would be other than maybe Paul and Dawn are both huge top models...? Yeah, I hadn't really gotten too far with this idea haha.

Another plot bunny I had on hold is a Hosie one actually! Actually I have a lot but I'll share two:

One is a Modern AU and it's actually inspired by my time working on student films. Except this idea is more Josie has a webseries and brought in friends from her film school days to help her out and Hope is the cinematographer. I started writing it actually, around the same time I was working on my own webseries. But since my webseries project went caput, I haven't found motivation to keep writing this fic.

The second is a Life is Strange 1 AU where Josie is Max Caulfield and Hope is Chloe Price. I wanted it to also be like a "choose your own adventure" type fic as well where at the end of certain chapters with BIG decisions, you would then pick your choice between 2 options and skip to whatever chapter your choice would be in. I think the reason I haven't done this is cuz it's also pretty hefty to write, and also doing a "choose your own adventure" is gonna require lots of meticulous planning that I don't have the spoons for.

73. how do you visualize scenes? do you see it like a movie in your head, or do the words just flow?

Definitely like a movie in my head!! It helps me more when I picture the scenes I want to write in my head and then I just figure out the words from there.

It's especially helpful when I write fight scenes! I watch a lot of anime and other action-based shows (recently binge watched Cobra Kai and watched some clips from The Magicians since I miss that show a lot), so when I write fight scenes in my stories (mainly You're The One Born To Save Hosie series), I just visualize the fights/actions like an anime. I mean, I already mucked up the magic lore in the TVDUniverse so I might as well keep going with the artistic liberties and flair with it haha. Plus, it's really fun writing these anime-esque action fight scenes :3

.

thanks for the ask!!

[spectrechosts]

Heaven Sent - Chapter 4

The angel gets a tour of Lust, and just might be interested in some of the activities on offer.

With this we're finally fully caught up on Vandalize as it existed on Cohost. Expect a break from it while the rest of the backlog goes up, and then I'll write more.

Full Series

"With all that out of the way: Welcome to Lust." Lilith says, dragging the leashed angel into the hall. "This is my palace, home to myself, my most cherished succubi, and for the time being; you. Allow me to give you a tour of the amenities."

She strides forward, Grezayla and angel in tow, and the angel grimaces.

"What is-" It asks. "Why is it all moving?"

"Oh, you can see that? I thought the effect was quite seamless, but perhaps you have a lower tolerance for such things. Standard desire-based non-euclidean architecture; big palace, small travel time." Lilith explains. "Just walk and you'll end up where you want to be."

"We don't want to be anywhere down here." Huffs the angel, and Lilith rolls her eyes.

"Walk and you'll arrive at the destination that you seek for purely emotionless reasons, then. In the meantime, you're on my leash and you'll go where I want. Do keep up."

"First! The courtyard!" Lilith says, gesturing at the courtyard. The succubi occupying it glare daggers at the angel but keep their distance. "We have flowers, a delightful pond with a soothing little waterfall, you'll often see succubi relaxing out here when someone isn't crashing down and ruining it."

"You think you can tempt us into sin with a little waterfall?" The angel scoffs, unimpressed.

"No, I think you ought to apologize to my girls for violating their thoughts with your pious drivel while they were just having a nice time, not hurting anyone."

The angel says nothing; not to her, and not to her girls. Lilith sighs dramatically.

"Impolite, but I didn't think you'd have proper manners. We'll teach you." She says. "Moving on-"

~

"The lava spas! Nothing like letting the heat burn all your aches away after a long day. Provided, of course, you don't have to wrestle a foolish pest into them to stop it from attacking everyone for no reason."

"We care not for temperatures."

"That's great, Feathers."

~

"The orgy chamber! Big, comfortable; Just the other week-"

"Yes, yes, we heard the name we don't need you to regale us with tales of your filth." Interrupts the angel.

Lilith tilts her head. "Actually, I was going to say that I made great use of it cuddling everyone after you upset them all so terribly. But yes, mainly for orgies. Sometimes my appetites grow out of control and I gather everyone together; spend days in there fully sating my desires so that I can focus again."

She looms over the angel, fangs bared.

"Does that disgust you, Feathers? Do you hate the beast your god made of me?"

"…You made your choice."

"I suppose I did." Lilith hums, smiling. "Much as I choose to ignore your disdain now! Continuing the tour-"

~

"Is this tour just for you to repeat how much everyone hates us over and over?" The angel asks as it's pulled along, passing by more and more angry succubi.

"Feathers, no!" Lilith says, in mock offense. "We don't hate you, we hate that you crashed in and attacked us. What do you say, 'love the sinner, hate the sin'? I, for one, would really just like for you to apologize so we can all move on."

The angel turns away from her, and finds itself face-to-face with Grezayla.

"She means it, you know?" She says, softly. "I know you're scared, I was scared, but she's very forgiving."

The angel just stares at her, peering deep into her eyes.

"Some of these poor souls I can't expect any better from, but how did you fall for this?" It asks.

"Hey." Lilith growls, yanking the leash. "Dangerously close to not treating my girls with respect, right now."

"-can really feel the forgiveness-" It spits.

"You will be forgiven when you understand what you did wrong."

"Mistress, it's okay." Says Grezayla, and then she lights up. "Look, there's Azzy! Let's introduce you to her, everyone loves Azzy."

Azaerixia strides up to the angel and stares it down, fists balled.

"Apologize for hurting Mistress." She demands.

"Why should we? We act in accordance with God's will." The angel says, turning its nose up at her.

Azaerixia trembles with barely contained fury.

"Because… Because… Because you're acting in accordance with being a dickhead!" She squeaks, eyes scrunched shut. "And you have to stop so we can all be friends and have fun and touch your feathers and take you to painting night and movie night and bake cookies and give you a makeover and find you new clothes and teach you to kiss if you want-"

"Wait, Azzy, go back." Lilith cuts off her rambling, furrowing her brow.

"It's… acting in accordance with being a dickhead?" She says, opening her eyes slowly and tilting her head.

"After that."

"Painting night?"

"Painting with everyone is fun, you really don't want to miss it." Grezayla agrees.

"Just, list everything it's going to miss out on again."

"This is worse than the tour." Whines the angel as Azaerixia starts up again from the beginning, but its whining doesn't matter, what matters is-

There!

Right there, when Azzy talks about makeovers and dressing up, the angel's speck of want brightens.

That's what it wants? That's so… trivial.

"As fun as this all is, I'd like to go back to Lucifer now." Says the angel.

"It would be more fun if you apologized, I have more activities I can list-"

"That's fine." Says Lilith, removing the leash. "You can keep the collar, I meant it when I said it's cute. See you soon, Feathers."

The angel vanishes in a whirlwind of feathers, and a plan begins to form in Lilith's head.

[riewritten]

Hiiii rieeee! How are doing these fine days (me? Not so good haha but ill live)

Sorry im late, but im finally here to drop you the things you asked for last time about the drabble idea. Here's what i came up with;

readers feelings: she appreciated him as a friend, then as she got older, it bloomed into something 💓else💓

is it one sided: both of them think its one sides but no its not one sided. They both liked each other, Its kind of tragic if you think about it. Neither of them knew the the other liked them, then suddenly they just got torn apart from each other. And those feelings still lingering in their heart, to the point neither of them got serious with someone else.

did Erwin's mother have any hand in readers family's misfortune: no, Erwin's mother had nothing to do with what happened to her family. Her father just made some bad business choices that made him lose his money and nobility, so they moved from their house and left town. Until reader became a responsible adult and moved back in twon for her little brother's education. That's when our King Erwin Smith saw her. It was her father who advised reader not to meet with the crown prince anymore, no matter how close of friends they are, her father told her it would paint a bad image for the prince to befriend someone from the lower class. She was hurt by his words but she understood the mission. Her father was a mere noble who served the royal family when it came to businessand trading, and they lost the right to serve after what had happened. And it made them keep to themselves even more.

The story doesnt really have any deep drama in it, there might be some twists and and turns to stop Erwin and reader from being with each other. Like their dumbasses not knowing the other person's feelings, or Erwin's mother arranging a blind date for her son, or reader's father not accepting their relationship because it would ultimately harm his daughter to be the King's wife than do any good.

And if i want to spice it up, I'll have Erwin get in a car accident and forget that he loves reader or something

Im just joking.... unless ,':) In any case, it was small idea for a small fic that i dont know if ill ever write it.

You did ask for my writing blog, and that is: @fictionallystable its just there as a backlog of writings i did or writing i like to share or save to read later.

hi jay!! oh my god thank u for answering my questions last time 😙 first of all the "they both think it's one sided" NOOOOO WHY

in for the angst tho. and i like that your characters, even the side casts like reader's father, still have their own volition that makes the plot run and theyre not jus silly caricatures standing like 🧍‍♂️ as our main leads do everything by themselves

but the car accident!!@ plEASEEE JDJSDJS 😭😭😭

^ lichrally u with the spongebob meme you attached 😭

and yipee for the writing blog!! been talking to u for a while now and i know someone has a talent for writing when i talk to one, so i hope u keep it up!! (imma follow ur writing blog too jus in case u drop a dish 🤭)

the fanfic has manhwa vibes on it (mayb bc royalty plots are so prevalent in manhwa) and when i imagine erwin in that drawing style i jus deadass-

[freeuselandonorris]

4, 11 and 20 pleeease 🙏

4. Where do you find inspiration for new ideas?

i almost exclusively write RPF, and so my inspiration for fics comes, 99% of the time, from real-life interactions (which is why i have written so very much landoscar recently, because WOW is there a lot of inspiration). the sterling work of the gif-makers, rippers, and fandom archivists on here does a lot of the heavy lifting for me! for instance, i wrote tell me where it hurts and i’ll make it hurt better having never previously considered fernando alonso in a sexual light because of the post-podium photos and because, frankly, i had taken half a gram of MDMA the night previous and needed something to distract myself while my brain chemistry sorted itself out 🤷‍♂️

following neatly on from that, i also have an absolutely fetid little swamp brain and spend about 75% of any given day thinking about truly disgusting sex stuff, and fic is an outlet for that. often i’ll have ideas floating around my mind for a while before i get round to them or even decide on a pairing, for instance a lot like life which features boot worship and fisting, two kinks i’d wanted to write for ages.

i have a pretty big backlog of horrendous ideas: charles/pierre knifeplay! toto and susie have a terrible toxic threesome with george (not sure i can write this one without accidentally turning it into toto x susie x reader ngl) (it’s me, i am reader)! fernando/lando follow-up with added oscar! toto forces christian to choke him! free use bimbofication lando norris!

i also get inspiration from other writers! whether it’s the line in @lost-decade’s fic you will find me if you let go that inspired me to write born and raised for the job, or all the incredible rule 63 fics like ego death by @beechersnope, trade offer by anon, and first by @flawlessassholes that inspired me to write girl!lando.

11. Link your three favorite fics right now

oh man. just three???

AT THE MOMENT:

adagio by @theory81 - landoscar ballet AU! i don’t fuck with AUs very often but i’ve been waiting for a ballet AU in the F1 tag for a while and this is more than i could have hoped for. sweet, funny slowburn with a gorgeously camp, smart-dumb-brat lando POV.

jump right in by @strawberry-daiquiris - girl!lando/oscar WIP, theeeeee most perfect escapist slowburn, basically a shot of dopamine direct to the cerebral cortex. i finish every chapter grinning like an idiot.

climb up to your lips by @scenetocause - girl!oscar/lando WIP, soft femdom oscar, sweet and soft, feels like a slowburn even though they’re fucking increasingly nasty, perfect mixture of simping without being cloying, regularly melts my brain with the sex scenes.

god i could easily have made this a top ten this was HARD.

20. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

oh absolutely. i am but a simple goblin. most of my fics explore uneven power dynamics, wet and messy kinks, sadomasochistic leanings, or poor communication.

i use way too many adverbs (stuff like definitely, absolutely, probably) and I have to CTRL+F for “seem” and “feel” before i post anything because i will use them every other sentence if i don’t pay attention.

most of my fics are set in hotel rooms or cooldown rooms. you know that post about hotel rooms being the liminal space in which sublimated desires are realised in sports RPF? yeah, that. i also write a lot about food? i like planning little details about scenes, like what they’re eating and drinking, and i often research restaurants in the area i’m writing about.

thanks for asking anonnie!! 🤍

get to know your fic writer!

[verecunda]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by @firebatvillain... er... a few weeks ago, I think. Thank you! Sorry it took me so long.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

136.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

396,444.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Oh, God. Loads, too many to list. Tolkien is currently at the top of the list, and I'm also deep in the extended Jacobite Literary Universe. :D Generally, my fandoms tend to have some sort of historical and/or fantasy setting.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Amo, Amas, Amat (NATM, Jedediah/Octavius) Slightly Scandalous (NATM, Jedediah/Octavius) Kindred Spirits (Ghosts, Captain/Thomas) Reality Bites (NATM, Jedediah/Octavius) Poetry Slam (NATM, Jedediah/Octavius)

My NATM fics are still my most popular ones by a country mile. I still get almost daily kudos on all of them, which is somewhat bamboozling, given that they're pretty old, very short, and there's been a lot more NATM fic written since then. But it is nice that folks are still finding them and reading them. :D

Then there's that random Ghosts one in there, too!

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yeah, almost always. I like to let readers know I appreciate their feedback, and it's fun to flail about our favourite characters and ships. Though right now, I have to admit that I have a bit of a backlog of comments that I need to respond to. But I'll get there. :S

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I've written a few, but possibly Nunc Dimittis, which is about Morgoth sending Sauron away at the final fall of Angband. It ends with Sauron feeling the moment that Melkor is taken captive, then later, when he's cast into the Void, and realising he's now truly alone. That fic was entirely Dark Lord angst. :P

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Oof, a fairly tough one. I'm quite big on giving my ships happy endings, wherever possible. But I'll go with A Few Good Years to Spend, because that whole fic was an exercise in giving Andreth and Aegnor a happy ending. But I very much liked the final scene, with Andreth growing old and Aegnor as totally, utterly besotted with her as ever. It also had them all surrounded by the various kids of the House of Bëor, and Aegnor being the confirmed favourite, and the image was cute. :3

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not really. I did get one really weird comment on a fic, which was basically a diatribe against the POV character. But it had nothing to do with the actual fic, it was about the character in the canon, and it seemed like it was part of some larger screed had just been c+p'd from some other site. Very strange.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yeah, every so often. I wish I wrote more tbh, because I'm a pervy wee hobgoblin. I've never even written an f/f scene or a proper threesome. So far, all my smut has been fairly tame, but I'd like to try my hand at some more kinky stuff at some point. ;)

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Yeah, when inspiration strikes. I don't know about the craziest, but I think the daftest must definitely be And Long Would Mandos Hold Him, where Death from Horrible Histories meets Saeros from The Children of Húrin and is, naturally, delighted. That one was a riot to write. XD

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge, but fuck, who knows. The internet is huge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

A few times, into Chinese and Russian.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not really, not if you mean both of us writing. I think the closest I've come so far was when I collaborated with peasina for last year's Pod_Together, which involves teaming up to create both a written fic and a podfic version of the same. It was a really fun experience, coming up with ideas for a story together, and interesting, because it's the first time I've ever written a story specifically intended to be read aloud, so it was something to keep in mind all the time I was writing. The end result was A (Confirmed) Knight Bachelor: written version here and pod version here. I really enjoyed doing this one! :D

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

God, I don't know. I have no idea how to gauge that.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

ahahahaha... oh God, right now, it feels like all of them. XD

But really... sadly, probably the Legolas/Gimli post-LOTR fic I started. Honestly, I think the fact it was looking to end up as a multi-chapter affair kind of scared me from the get-go. Then I wrote myself into a knot trying to work out Legolas and Thranduil's dynamic immediately after the War of the Ring. No doubt it's the sort of thing that could be easily worked out with a bit of tinkering, but I got discouraged and ended up shoving the whole fic on the back-burner, where it's like to stay. :[

(Of course, talking about it inevitably makes me want to open it up and have another crack at it. But realistically, I don't think I'll ever finish it.)

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I do character voices pretty well, and in book fandoms, I think I can usually pull off a decent pastiche of the style. And on a good day, I think I can do good descriptive prose.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Fucking plots, how do they work??? On a bad day, I think my prose is overdone and pedantic: too fussy.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

It can definitely add something - authenticity, atmosphere - but should also be used with caution. Writing is all about communication, after all, and if you start writing whole screeds of conversation in a language that you're not guaranteed your target audience will understand, you're not serving the story, just trying to show off. Economy is the key, I think. I also usually include a translation, either as an endnote, or as a hover-over caption.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

lol technically, I think it must be historical RPF. I used to write wee stories about the historical peeps I was obsessed with at the time.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Oh, how the hell is anyone meant to answer a question like that.

Tagging, with no obligation: @nocompromise-noregrets, @cilil, @bryndeavour, @chiropteracupola, @regshoe, @sanguinarysanguinity, @technicallycleverdetective, @swanmaids, @cycas, and @di-daydreamer.

[offside-the-lines]

Let’s up the ante shall we!!!

Roman Josi/Nico Hischier

mile

Well this is like half a lifetime late. BUT I finally found the inspo to write this. Thanks to yourself!!!! and your tags on this post. I love Smitten and Deeply Unsmooth Nico, and Hot Captain Roman Josi. Smallest feature by Tired Of This Jonas Sieganthaler (poor guy has to watch Nico in so many situations).

~

"It's good to be back, no?" Roman glides to a stop next to Nico.

"Hmm? What do you mean?" Nico feels the smile tug at the corner of his lips; he's always been so bad at playing things cool when it comes to Roman.

He smiles in return, so easy, so bright, so wide it crinkles the edges of his eyes. Seeing it always makes something ache in Nico's chest; he's sure it can be seen for miles, but it still feels like it's just for him, private. It's a lot for something like that to be pointed in his direction. It would make him sweat under his collar if he weren't already so sweaty from the game.

"Oh, you know. Hockey, Europe, this..." He taps a gloved hand on Nico's chest; it makes his heart beat a little faster. "Nice to not have half a continent between us. So much you can do with all this proximity."

Nico sucks in a breath and lets it out with a shaky laugh. "Oh, come on, you didn't even score. I'm not going to blow you for an assist," he says, like the liar he is.

Roman laughs, shaking his head; Nico's eyes catch on his suddenly heated gaze. Roman leans in and murmurs more quietly, "What if it's just for fun?"

Nico hears a sound escape his lips that sounds embarrassingly like a giggle. He usually has so much game; he wonders where all that has gone. He swallows, hoping his confidence is convincing. "Well, Captain, if it's just for fun—"

There's a sharp tap on the back of his thigh, snapping him out of this mortifying trance he's in. "Can you not do this on the fucking ice in front of God and everyone, Jesus Christ," Nico hears Siegs grumble as he skates past behind them.

Roman has the audacity to just laugh and wink before skating away. It is nice to be back, he thinks.

~ Send me a player or pairing + a word, and I’ll write a mini fic about it. (I am running on quite a backlog right now so it might take me a while to get to your request). Read other prompt mini fics!

[failsafes-guardian]

The Cayde Ones - yeah these ones just contain cayde, thats it.

Two convos which Cayde-6 is present, because I really need to get these down and start writing new stuff.

[Cayde's Concern - Originally written on 06/22/24]

"Hey Failsafe, I got a question."

"(depressed) yes cayde unit?"

"You know Charlotte right? Cute thing bout yay high, usually silent, good with a cannon?"

"yes, and?"

"Do you think she's been actin weird lately? Usually she goes solo wherever she's needed but she hasn't been doing much work lately."

"(Cheery) She's been talking to me a lot and sounds fine!"

"Oh! That's uh, good. Good for her, she seemed lonely a lot."

"She's very sweet! She describes other planets to me so I can imagine what its like outside of this husk of a ship!"

"Oh wow. She's never really been talkative enough to anyone to do something like that.."

"(depressed) weird, she loves doing it for me, she talks about how much I would have loved io a lot and where she would take me."

"Are you.. two, like, a thing?"

"(Cheery) I hope so!" --- I don't have any huge comments for these but I hope that people enjoy my Cayde writing as much as I do. ----

[Sometimes You Don't Even Know You've Got A Winning Hand - Originally written on 06/23/2024]

"Hey kid, got a second?"

"of course."

"Great, awesome, I've been wondering and uh no disrespect or anything, not gonna scold you, but you've not been on a lotta ops lately."

"oh. yeah, uh, just wanted a break i guess.."

"I've seen your logs kid, im not gonna pry buuuuttttt, you've been to nessus a lot. wanna tell me the details?"

"i- i mean-"

"It's failsafe ain't it? Little robotic heart in there feeling a little warm? Nothin wrong with it, I get it even, yknow, ba-"

"ssshut up. she just, had a low battery and i needed to clean her solars and refill her generators.."

"You'd think your helmet would make you better at bluffing, its why I always sweep you in poker."

"you sweep everyone at poker."

"not the point but thank you, my point was- uh.. where was I?"

"failsafe"

"Ah! Right, yeah her, it doesn't take 10 trips over the course of a week to clean some panels and fuel up her generators kid."

"…"

"I've been mentoring you for, god I can't even remember how long, but I know the face you're making right now, i've got you."

"…"

"I know what's up, and I don't wanna say this because failsafe already dislikes me but, on the down low kid. She likes you too."

"oh…"

"Yeah, don't worry, nobody needs to know, it'll be our little secret, you've got a winning hand if you play it right."

"… thanks cayde."

"Anytime kid, anytime." --- Cayde is such a good wingman, forget hunter vanguard, get him on the bachelor or something.

these ones are kinda long to put together but i mostly just need to get through the rest of my backlog.

[jamiesfootball]

5 and/or 9

5. What do you wish someone would ask you about [insert fic]? Answer it now!

from oh god you're gonna get it (you have not been given love)

Jamie's story during his messy attempt at a Ted Lasso speech was based off an episode of Community. Moe's spoken word poetry is thematically relevant. I have hidden clues regarding future character beats all throughout the first chapter. We will find out what Roy does with the Kunt shirt. At some point, Jamie will find out about Roy likening him to Icarus. Chapter 12.

9. How do you find new fic to read?

Right now it's almost purely based on recs, and even those are in backlog. I just haven't had the time to do a deep dive on AO3. Most of the time I spend not writing, I've been reading one of the dozen or so books I picked up for research.

[janiedean]

I know it's been a long time, but do you plan on writing Sandor's pov of the Heart Thing series? I'm poor, so I won't commission the fic, but I wanted to at least know how you think he'd deal with it (ex, would he hide and try to ignore it, would he try to be a better person, whisper almost-kind words to it when Sansa is sad?)

hey anon, first of all thank you so much for the kind words and please no need to commission anything like I'm just glad people still remember it T_T

that said with answers for both your questions:

yes I do plan on writing that but when it happens is... up in the air because meh like I'm trying to not sound whiny about it but if it wasn't clear from my less than stellar production lately my mental health has been completely down the drain lately and as it is rn I'm finding it extremely hard to put words together unless I have an extremely hard deadline and as it is I'm trying to finish a bunch of comms that I started but I'm like really struggling with liking anything that I write so tldr: yes but it could be three months from now and it could be next year, sure af I hope it's sooner rather than later because I really don't relish any of this but eh T_T

how he'd deal with having it: first time it happens (which would be after they get together which like.. he can't actually deny it's A Thing yknow she got his so) he thinks he someone went on a bender and forgot even if he tried to cut down on the drinking and then he's like oh god nope it's really here what the fuck and immediately gives it back to her like IM NOT WORTHY HERE, she's like yeah okay sure but I don't think it's gonna end here (she's fine with it), the second time he gets it is when she's sad for some reason and she's not nearby so he has to take care of it and actually worry about it and he's like god what do I do and just keeps it close and tries to not make anyone notice, then it happens again when something bad happens to her and she's not immediately nearby and as you said he tries to tell it something nice which for his standards would be weird but it actually works because she actually feels better and then she's all smug when she tells him and he's like wait what are you fucking kidding me

and she's like sure I'm not :DDDDDDDD

so pattern he always gets it when she's sad or down or has dealt with crappy people and so on and at some point he just embraces it like yknow what I denied it for ages but it makes no sense that I should now oKAY FINE I'M NOT UNWORTHY OF THAT

sansa is just :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD for the entire next month and robb's like did you just propose her or what NOT THAT I'D SAY NO AND NOT LIKE SHE DOESN'T WANT IT sandor is like maaaybe that's uh for another time MAYBE

he probably springs the maaaybe weee should make it official thing not long later tho

robb is just extremely happy of how he matchmade half of this union XD

ngl there were things I wanted to do in that verse including the throbb fic and sansa meeting brienne like you were my role model too but eh as stated at this point I'll be just glad if I manage to finish my commission backlog and/or literally anything that won't feel like crap after five lines so i can't guarantee it's happening at any point soon, sorry anon T_T