#i have spent the entire DAY figuring out how i’d answer this

[xveenusx]

And Yet..

Paring(s): jj maybank x fem!reader

Summary: two people who should be together simply can't find their way. In other words, JJ can't let himself be loved and can't let her go.

Author's note: This one is brutal so prepare yourselves. Realistically, JJ would totally self sabotage any chance of happiness because he can't handle how it makes him feel so that's exactly what this is. Thank you for all the feedback on 3 seconds! If you like when it hurts, then this is for you!

Part 1: Three Seconds

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He left.

It’d been hours and none of us knew where JJ went, only that he left. While JJ storming off was a normal feat, he always came back.

Now normally, I would have been looking for him, knowing exactly where to look. I’d find him and we’d avoid everyone until he felt like he was ready. This time was different. He never looked at me the way he did today.

A look of pure betrayal.

John B had gone MIA with Sarah while Pope and Kie were handling everything we needed to look for the gold. Me? I was trying to find a way to cope with the sudden JJ sized gap in my life.

It was brutal trying to get through the entire day without collapsing. Everything felt dull. I decided going home and hiding out in my room was the only option. It spared me the looks of concern from our friends and gave me the freedom to cry.

My room felt abnormally empty and cold. My stomach rolled as JJ’s words played in a brutal loop. I crawled into my bed where I curled into myself tightly, hugging my knees to my chest to create some type of pressure.

He’ll come back. He always comes back.

I jolted awake to pounding on my window.

“-wake up. He needs you. It’s bad oh my god it’s really bad.”

Scrambling off the bed, I pushed the curtains aside to see Kie’s panicked face. “Kie, what’s going on?”

Her face filled with relief as she pulled me into her. “We need to get to the chateau now. He’s not making any sense and bought all of this stuff.”

Nausea rolled in my stomach.

“JJ-“

She cuts me off. “He needs you.”

I left the house in seconds, hopped into the Hayward truck and we took off. I nibbled on my nails, glancing at Kiara in the drivers seat. Her face was painted with worry and her leg bopped up and down displaying her nervous energy.

Kie moved one hand from the steering wheel and threaded our hands together, squeezing tightly.

Pulling up to the chateau, I see LED lights tangled up on the trees, shining lights reflecting on the yard. How was there power? The hurricane had taken everything out.

Before I could figure it out, I heard a commotion that drifted up the drive way.

“Where is she? You said Kie was getting her.”

My heart jumped to my throat. I hold onto Kiara tighter as we move toward the raised voices.

Something twisted in my chest as I took in the hot tub and lights suddenly decorating John B’s yard.

JJ is shouting at Pope now, slurring his words slightly, before taking a pull of the champagne he clutched in his hand.

“Look man, she’s here. She’s here, JJ. Calm down.” Pope announced, pointing in our direction, before placing his hands around his head and taking a deep breath.

Awareness ran through me. JJ turned his body to face me, his gaze flicked to mine.

He said nothing yet his eyes said everything. There was an openness that seemed to make him vulnerable.

“You came.”

A tug deep in my chest urged me to move closer. “You asked.”

“Okay, now that she’s here. What did you do, JJ? Where did all this come from?” Pope asked, but we all knew the answer.

“I got a jet going straight in my butt right now. Y’all should get in immediately, ya hear?” JJ laughed, the aviator sunglasses slipping down slightly. His blonde hair slick with water stuck to his forehead as he messily poured champagne into a glass. “Salud!”

Pope let out a noise of disbelief, “How much did this cost?”

“Uh, pretty much all of it.”

I moved around, taking in the inflatable floaties that filled up the yard, while biting the inside of my cheek. He spent all of the money.

“Kie, what? Can’t a man have a little luxury in life?”

I tuned out their arguing. There was a reason he acted out and bought all of this pointless shit but I couldn’t figure out what it was. He knew. He knew he needed to pay for restitution.

A blanket of dread covered my body like an old blanket as the consequences of JJ’s actions finally settled in. Another sense of dread hit when I knew I wouldn’t leave him.

“You could have paid for restitution or better yet, helped us buy supplies.” Pope said, shaking his head in clear frustration.

They weren’t seeing this for what it was. Something was wrong. Yes, he was reckless and rash but like I said before, most of the time he does those things because something happened.

“Okay Pope. Well, I didn’t do that. I got a hot tub for my friends,” JJ choked out, “I got a hot tub for my friends. Screw that, I got a hot tub for my family.”

“JJ, what the hell?” Kie whispered.

Something in her voice made me turn back around quickly and that’s when I saw it.

JJ stood at the center of the hot tub, one hand clutching the champagne bottle while the other hung loosely at his side. His gold necklace moving back and forth shining under the lights, but that’s not what caught my eye.

What caught my eye was the purple and blue bruises that littered his chest and ribs. A high pitched ringing filled my ears as my body felt like it began to float.

This. This was the reason he spent all the money.

My hand covers my mouth as I let out a choked sound.

Hearing the noise, JJ turns to me, his face entirely shattered, tears causing the crystal blue orbs to shine.

“Do you see what I did? Look what I did for you,” He cried out as he held out his arms, staring at me with such vulnerability I could feel my knees start to buckle.

Tears freely began to fall from my face as I took inventory of just how many bruises covered his body.

“No, stop being so emotional. It’s fine, everything’s fine.”

My feet moved on their own accord. Fully dressed, I threw one leg over then the other ignoring the burning from the heat of the water.

He reached for me the moment my body hit the water just as my arms circled around his neck. JJ curled his body into me, the champagne bottle forgotten, his arms circling around my waist digging into my lower back, clutching me like a life line.

My legs knocked together as the adrenaline and helplessness kicked in. I began counting in my head my breaths because I knew in this moment, I couldn’t afford to break down.

Not when he was broken beyond belief.

My fingers threaded themselves into his sun-kissed locks, brushing from the nape of his neck to the top of his head and back again. I pressed my lips onto his head, not letting my grip loosen for one second.

“I love you.” I murmured over and over again as sobs wracked his body, his head in my chest soaking my shirt with his tears. “I got you, it’s okay. I’m here, Jayj.”

I glanced up helplessly and see Pope and Kie staring at us, both of them clearly distraught.

I beckon them over with a nod in my head and instantly JJ and I are covered in warmth. Their arms wrapping around us both, whispering words of love to him.

We stayed like that until our skin got pruny, not wanting to move until he was ready.

When the time did come, I could tell by the way his grip on my waist loosened and his sobs quieted down. Brushing the hair out of his face, I brought my face close to his, “You ready to get out now?”

JJ nodded.

“Kie, can you set out some of John b’s clothes?” I asked her, moving to get out. She nodded and pope followed her inside.

JJ followed closely behind me. His fingers laced with mine, trembling slightly as the night air bit at our soaked bodies.

Shuffling into the chateau, our friends were sprawled out on the couch with Kie strumming away at the ukulele.

“I left the clothes in the spare.” Pope said, his eyes locked on JJ.

I shot him a thankful smile, “Thanks, Pope.”

Once we were in the room, I shut the door as JJ shimmed out of his shorts. Ignoring the heat in my cheeks, I grabbed the towel from the bed and began to dry him.

I could feel his intense gaze on my face the entire time. Biting back a smile, I whispered, “Can I tell you something?”

“Please.”

“I really like the hot tub.”

JJ tilted his head back and let out a surprised laugh. The sound of his familiar laugh caused a wave of warmth to crash over me, causing a zoo of butterflies to swarm my stomach.

“It is a pretty sick tub, isn’t it?” He smiled.

“It is. Very kooky of you.”

He narrowed his red rimmed eyes at me, “Take that back.”

I couldn’t have his my grin even if I tried.

“JJ the kook? I could see that.”

He sends me a cheeky smile in return. Bringing my attention back to the task at hand, I drag the towel along his shoulders before heading towards his chest. My hand stalled slightly as I saw how angry the bruises were, the hue of the purple and blue causing my stomach to churn.

My head moved carefully as I pressed my lips softly along each bruise, fluttering my eyes shut. I feel familiar rough hands tangling themselves in my hair and he lets out a sharp breath.

Opening my eyes, he tilted my head back with his fingers gripped the nape of my neck. A storm brewed in the crystal blue eyes, flicking between every emotion.

His thumb slowly drew my bottom lip down causing his eyes to darken with each passing second,” Thank you.”

Tremors wracked my body at how close we were, our breaths intertwined filtering into my bloodstream.

JJ shifted forward allowing his lips to softly brush mine. The moment my lips parted, he pressed his again almost like he was inhaling my every breath.

Pulling back, he rested his forehead on mine and repeated, “Thank you.”

“I got you. I’ll let you change-“ My words got cut off as he grabbed my arm to stop me in my tracks.

“Stay.”

And so I did.

_______________

I blinked at the alarm clock that read 3 a.m and slowly rubbed the sleepiness from my eyes. I could hear the sound of the skeeters buzzing outside the chateau and felt a strange sense of calm at the quiet.

Reaching toward the other side of the bed , my hands were met with empty cold sheets. He was gone.

I closed my eyes tightly and took in a deep breath as I willed for this nightmare to go away. We still had a lot to work through, but I thought after last night, he finally understood how fucking in deep I was. I was all in, completely and utterly in love with him. It’s always been him.

Pushing my body up, I slowly bring the sheet up to my chest covering my naked body from the cold. A sharp tinge of fear hit my chest as I noticed a presence at the end of the bed that was quickly replaced with an immense sense of relief.

JJ sat on the edge of the bed with his bare back facing me, his elbows on his knees, and head in his hands. A small smile played my lips as I shuffled over, my hands slowly trailing themselves over his shoulders and pressed my lips softly against his shoulder blade.

“Can’t sleep?”

His shoulders tensed the minute my lips touched his body. “I didn’t think you’d still be here.”

Confusion filled every fiber of my being as I finally took him in. I could feel the weak stitches that held my heart together suddenly begin to tear.

I opened my mouth and closed it. The backs of my eyes burned as I stared at the side of his face, the face that I spent hours admiring, that refused to even look at me.

“I thought after last night-“

JJ shook his head in disgust and let out a dry breath, roughly tugging at the messy strands on his head.

“We fucked. It’s not like that’s something we’ve never done before. It doesn’t change anything.”

Like I said before, I understand him. I know him and I know exactly what he’s doing. That doesn’t stop every part of me from feeling like I had just gotten kicked in the chest.

“JJ, please don’t do this.” I inhaled a shaky breath as I clutched the sheer tighter to my chest, almost like it was an armor against his cruel words, words that I knew came from a place of panic. Yet, it hurt just the same.

“Do what,” JJ said, getting up from the bed to face me, arms crossed tightly against his chest. “You made it clear what side you were on and it wasn’t mine.”

“Stop twisting what happened. You forget that I know you, JJ. I know you,” I stood on my shaky feet, the sheets wrapped around my body. “You think I dont know why your treating me this way. You’re dad doesn’t decide who you are.”

Desperation burned in my blood as I once again tried to grasp at straws. He was always finding excuses to run from me and each and every time, JJ took a piece of me with him.

“Shut up. I’m not doing this shit with you.”

“You have no idea how special you are do you? How easy you are to love?” It was an honest question, one that seemed to anger him if the clenching of his fists was any indication.

“Stop-“

I cut him off. “Because you are. Special, I mean.”

JJ said nothing. His gaze met mine, and the blue eyes I thought matched the ocean perfectly, showed a battle of emotions.

I took the opportunity to move closer to him, fighting the urge to curl up and cry at the look of utter confusion on his face.

Luke had successfully beat it into him that he was worthless, useless, and would never amount to anything. This, this look on his face was why I stayed.

He didn’t know. He really didn’t know the effect he had on people, on me.

My fingers trembled slightly as I reached to touch the bracelets that decorated his wrist. All of them being gifts from me.

“You’re fiercely loyal to the people you love. The family that you chose for yourself. It’s almost frustrating how you don’t see it,” I muttered, tilting my head up to search his eyes. “I mean, fuck JJ, you took the fall for Pope because you didn’t want his future to be ruined. You went to jail and now you’re on probation.”

“Please, stop.” His plead was weak at best.

My fingers danced along his jaw, my voice wavering slightly at the tightness in my chest. “You sat with my everyday during summer school so I wouldn’t be myself. No one does that, JJ. Especially not here.”

He had to know I was telling the truth.

“So please, listen to me when I tell you that loving you has been the easy thing I’ve ever done.”

Despite the immense beating my poor heart has taken, it still beats with a naive sense of hope.

Hope that sky rocketed when JJ reached forward to twirl a strand of my hair in between his fingers, almost as though he was memorizing how it felt.

“Such pretty little words.” He hummed. “How many other guys have you told that too?”

I recoiled back in shock.

“Pretty little words won’t get you anywhere. You wanna fuck, I’m down. But that’s not gonna stop me from mackin’ on other chicks.”

Then he dropped the strand of my hair, along with every hope that he could love me.

I chose to then focus on my anger that slowly began to bubble to the surface.

“Like who? Your gonna start mackin’ on Kie?” I launched the question at him, my voice raising an octave in disbelief.

“Maybe. At least she knows when to leave.”

“Stop talking to me like that,” My voice broke at the end, the burning in my eyes getting too hard to ignore. “You’re hurting me.”

All I could do was stare.

Here I stood, heart bleeding, begging a broken boy to love me back. And maybe that wasn’t fair for me to ask, maybe it was too much but a large part of me thought he felt something. Even if it was a fraction of what I felt for him because at least it was something.

Anything.

“You’re never going to let me love you, are you?” I ignored the sharp stab in my stomach as I finally said the question I already knew the answer to.

JJ’s head snapped up in shock at my question. “I never asked for you to love me.”

“You showed up to my window every night because you didn’t want to go home. You hold my hand, you kiss me, you fuck me. You come to me when you can’t fucking sleep. You sleep in my bed. You teach me to surf and take me everywhere with you. You ask for my advice and god forbid I don’t answer the phone, you have a melt down.” I was shouting at that point, my voice loud enough to wake up our friends who were sleeping in the living room but I couldn’t bring myself to care.

“You need me, I’m there. You got arrested, I bail you out. You get in a fight, I clean you up. JJ, you showed up in my life and surrounded me. You’re fucking everywhere. How could you not expect me to fall in love with you when you do these things?”

The laugh I let out was one of a broken girl, one who had completely lost herself in a wave of chaos known as JJ Maybank.

The door was right there. And yet, I couldn't get my feet to move.

“Because I don’t fucking understand it, okay? Because I’ve never had the luxury of someone looking at me the way you do and it makes me physically fucking sick.” JJ took several strides until he was pressed up firmly against me, his fingers threading themselves into the nape of my neck.

“The way you look at me makes me feel like I’m suffocating, don’t you get that? And yet, I can’t fucking thinking straight when you’re not by me.” He choked out, his face was white with panic.

I could feel myself start to crumble at his words. Welcome to the club. “Yesterday, you said I wasn't enough for you.”

JJ nodded, his eyes staring straight into me with such intensity I had to swallow.

“You know why I said it. You know how I get. The way you look at me,” He swears pounding his hand against the wall,” Fuck the way you look at me. You make me feel like I can be a better person, that I have the potential to do something great.”

“Because you can-“

“No I fucking can’t. You give me this hope that I can be better and then something happens to remind me that I can’t and it crushes me. It fucking wrecks me.”

I roughly wiped the tears that blurred my vision and asked, “So what are you saying?”

The silence caused the anticipation of his answer to intensify, making breathing almost impossible.

“Sometimes, being with you is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”

Can you hear that? It’s the sound of my heart shattering for the last time.

“Then you have to let me go.”

He shook his head,”Thats not what I want.”

“Let me go, JJ. If not for you, then for me because loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done. You haven’t even been able to say it back. You completely own me, every thought I have is about you.”

“You own ME.” JJ shouted, his hands in his hair tugging it in anger. “And it completely terrifies me and then I say the first thing I can to make the fear go away just so I can get a moment of peace. I don’t want to feel like this anymore.”

In a way, I couldn’t really be angry with him.

No one’s every really described just how dangerous loving someone can be. How they consume every part of you until there’s nothing left. Until suddenly, you can only breathe when you’re around them. When your very mood depends on the expression of their face. The pure feeling of ecstasy that covers your body in a layer of electricity the moment you’re around them and they look at you.

“You love me,” At my words, JJ looked almost relieved, like he finally understood why he felt so many things at once,” but you can’t let yourself love me.”

And yet, despite this revelation, I still couldn’t bring myself to leave.

A tortured look passed his face as he pressed his back against the wall and slowly slid down.

“You need to let me go because I love you to the point that I cant bring myself to leave. So if you don’t want me, if you can’t be with me then do this for me. If you don’t, I’m going to keep giving you every piece of me until there’s nothing left. “

I guess you never truly understand until it happens. Until you get physically ill when they’re upset or filled with warmth when you see them tilt their head back and laugh. When you see them and suddenly the world is just a little less overwhelming, bearable even.

When every fiber of your being is tuned into one person.

Gripping the sheet tighter, I moved in between his legs and settle myself on the floor. The moment I did, JJ engulfed me in his embrace. His presence soaked through my skin leaving the intoxicated feeling in its wake.

“I can’t,” He shook his head fervently, “ I can’t do that.”

I understood him, because I couldn’t either.

“What are we going to do, Jayj?”

JJ pressed his face against my throat, “I don’t know.”

We weren’t okay, it didn’t take a genius to figure it out. Nothing had been solved and yet, we sat on the floor wrapped in each others embrace.

So I said the only thing I knew to be true and give him yet another piece of me, “I love you.”

“I know.”

There we were. Two souls irrevocably intertwined in a mass of love and hate that were broken beyond recognition. Neither of us being able to leave the other.

And yet, all I could focus on was his inability to say he loved me back.

_____________________

Tags for all those who requested: @trickylittlewitch @maybankslover @bcon24 @chaoticbisous @ifilwtmfc @dullsocietyy @mad-die45 @stuffyownswrld @kaylinfayezink @theywantedplayer

[unoislazy]

Healing Takes Time

(Part 2)

I wasn’t originally going to make a part 2 considering I just wanted everyone to wallow in their sadness. Buuuuttt there were enough people asking for it so I figured I’d be nice just this once and make a Part 2. Can’t guarantee it’ll be good though.

Disclaimer; NSFW is hinted at but never explicitly stated (may come in a later part if I actually want to continue this more)

————————————————————

A day had passed.

A week.

A month.

A year.

Then a few years.

So much time had gone by and you still stared at your door in anticipation sometimes, hoping Mizu would come walking back in. Even if she had returned to you beaten and bloody asking for you to fix her up, you would in a heartbeat. You missed her more than words could ever even think to describe.

You missed her company, you missed her help, you missed… her.

You had only known each other for a few months but the kiss you had shared lingered with you for as long as you waited. A few times you had almost convinced yourself to stop hoping; she had something she needed to do, what reason was there for her to come back to you? Sometimes you worried that she might have died in pursuit of her quest, maybe you should’ve gone with her, at least you could offer her some sort of help.

Not like it mattered now.

You had no way of telling where she was, if she was okay, or if she even wanted to come back.

You hoped she at least thought of you as much as you did of her.

During the time that had passed, you decided to set up a medicinal shop. At least you would have something to fully focus on with your time instead of spending most of it worrying about a woman who you believed had no intention of coming back to you.

Business was slow at first.

Really slow.

You had to put yourself out there, let people know that you were there and what your purpose was.

Thankfully, as time went on, and the more drunkards that managed to stumble their way in after being harshly thrown out, word of your practice spread throughout the town. Any time anyone felt sick, in pain, dizzy, drowsy, anything at all, they came to you. It almost got to the point people treated you as if you had some magic healing power, which of course you didn’t, just a lengthy amount of herbal and medicinal knowledge.

You were happy and before long you had somewhat forgotten about the strange samurai that had graced your presence all those years ago.

Of course you never fully forgot, but she was no longer in the forefront of your mind. If anything she had drifted into a distant memory of what could have been had the stars aligned for you that day.

You often thought about how you’d feel if she had entered your life once again and you never had a clear answer. You’d feel happy that she had returned, angry that she left in the first place, and afraid that she would leave again. Would she look the same as she did when she left? Would she even recognize you? Would she have come back looking for you or would she have simply stumbled across you.

You had a million questions and most of which you had to come to terms with the fact that they might never be answered.

You yawned, turning over on your bed as you stretched, trying to wake yourself up the best you could to start a new day. Now that you had a business to tend to, days off were not a very common thing, but you didn’t entirely mind. More time to yourself meant more time thinking about things that truly didn’t matter.

You finally rolled out of your bed, throwing your sheet off of you and standing up. Just because you liked the distraction doesn’t mean you had to enjoy every aspect of going to work.

You spent time getting yourself ready, at least making some effort to look nice, before you had finally walked out of your house.

You walked down the ever muddy road, passing by others who were starting their day, some who lived there, some who didn’t. As you walked down the road, you spotted a familiar hat walking about amongst the crowd. You didn’t think much of it, many people wore the same type of hat, you’d be a fool to get your hopes up over something so small.

And yet you couldn’t help but wonder.

You abandoned your usual path to your shop, making your way in the general direction of the hat owner, but not making it obvious that you were heading towards them. After all, if it hadn’t actually been Mizu you wanted to at least have the ability to deny ever heading towards them in the first place. You made your way over, dodging and weaving between the people who walked through the busy street and just as you had made it over you saw,

A man.

A man who looked nothing like Mizu.

You knew it, you shouldn’t have gotten your hopes up, but why listen to your consciousness. You sighed, walking away from the man and heading back on your original path. You knew it wouldn’t be her and yet there was still a part of you that believed she would come back. You felt like an idiot, more than that, you felt like an absolute moron.

Why were you so hung up on this woman that you spent a few months with several years ago. You should be over her by now, you knew she’d have to leave eventually and she did, what was your issue?

Your issue was you loved her. Oh how you hated admitting that, but you loved her more than you had loved anyone in a long time. You both knew she wouldn’t stay, you both got attached, but it felt like you had gotten more attached than she had, and you hated it. If she truly loved you the same amount, why couldn’t she just stay with you? Why did she have to leave?

You wanted to move on, you had to move on, but you couldn’t. No one else had caught your eye since, and you were certain no one else would make you feel the same way she had when you had spent time together.

You too never went far, only sharing that one simple kiss and yet it was all you needed to confirm that you truly loved her.

You sighed again, finally reaching your shop.

It wasn’t common for doctors or anyone with medicinal practice to not just go to peoples houses, but you liked doing things differently. Besides, most of the people you treated were cast out and likely didn’t live around here anyways.

You set up your usual things, tending to some of the plants and herbs you kept around, making sure everything was in its place before you waited.

Oftentimes you wouldn’t get many sellers in the morning, most people were still waking up and going to their own jobs by this point in the day, but you thought it necessary to at least be ready for anything one might deal with during the day.

You sat waiting for a few hours before you finally had someone walk in. A very tall and lanky man that wore a blue outfit. If it hadn’t been for his face, you might’ve thought he was Mizu. He simply asked for some help with soreness which you treated and sent him on his way. After him, the rest of your clients began to pour in, all asking for different treatments and medicines, most of which were just really simple solutions.

You definitely enjoyed your job, helping people was something you always loved to see.

Your day continued on, people going in and out all day until you had gotten a different client.

“Just one second!” You called from the other room, having heard the door slide open. You had been moving some of your things around, giving yourself more room and organizing a bunch. You don’t know why you did it considering you always ended up rearranging things, but it never hurt to at least try and have a system. You wiped your hands clean of the dirt that was never there as you entered the man room again.

“Okay, what can I help you w-”

You froze.

Standing before you was what at first you thought to be a man, but upon closer inspection you realized that standing before you was no man, it was…

“Mizu?” You asked, you felt almost as if you had just been imagining it. There was no way that she was standing there right in front of you, not after the several people you had confused to be her throughout the day, this had to have just been one of those times… Just to an extreme and unhealthy amount.

The woman before you held an expression you couldn’t read entirely. She looked as if she was happy to see you but there was something else hidden in her expression that you couldn’t quite grasp. You cautiously walked towards her as if you made any sudden movements she would just fade away.

You were now standing in front of her, a bit of a distance between you two, but you were still close enough to see the details on her face. You very carefully reached up, your hand grazing against her skin as you took her glasses off, her blue eyes never looking away as she let you do so. Your other hand had now come up, cupping her face as you dropped her glasses on the ground. All the emotions you thought you’d feel were there, but they were much stronger than you originally anticipated. At that moment though, all you felt was relief. She was alive, she came back, and now she was standing in front of you.

You didn’t know how to express your feelings in any other way than moving forward and kissing her much like you had done the day you left. You both leaned into the kiss, all the yearning and desperation you had held back for so many years came back full force as you held her gently between your hands. She too had moved you closer, not wanting to let you go after so many years of being apart.

That was until you pulled away for a moment, the one question still running through your mind,

“Why did you leave?” You asked, your eyes filled with the pain of several years alone as you stared at her. She averted your gaze at first, clearly not wanting to answer as she went silent.

“We both knew I'd have to.” She finally answered, still not wanting to look at you.

“I knew you wanted to but you didn’t have to.” You argued, you knew she was going to leave regardless and there was no changing her mind when she did. But that foolish part of you still had held out hope that she would just change her mind and stay with you, and that foolish part of you is the reason you were hurt so badly now. If you hadn’t held onto that hope for so long, you wouldn’t have gotten hurt.

“I did. I had to finish what I started.” Mizu claimed, and she stood by that claim. It was the truth after all.

“And how long did that take to finish?” You asked. If she had come back right after she had finished her task, you wouldn’t have been so angry, but instead it only fueled your anger as you realized she had gone quiet.

“What, so you just stayed away? Why?”

She stayed silent.

“Mizu. Why?” You persisted. You tried to keep your anger up but your demand for answers slowly began to turn to pleading. You were upset, you wanted to be angry, but in reality you were just hurt. You held out hope for so long that she would return and yet she never did, you thought she died, you thought maybe she had been left badly wounded, but no. She had finished her mission and just refused to come back to you.

“Why?” You asked once more, her silence was the last thing you wanted right now, you wanted her to say something, anything.

“I was afraid.” She finally admitted. Her eyes were shut, she didn’t even want to see the look on your face as you processed what she had said.

“Afraid of what? What could you possibly be afraid of?” You scoffed. In your mind she was a samurai, someone who had faced death and laughed in its face several times. In your mind, she had absolutely nothing to fear.

“That when I returned you wouldn’t see anything but a monster.” She began. You couldn’t see it but her eyes had ever so slightly begun to tear up, she covered it smoothly, not wanting you to notice as she continued, “I was afraid that you would realize that I am nothing more than just a demon with a sword.”

You simply stared at her for a moment.

“Have you learned absolutely nothing about me?”

Her eyes finally shifted towards you, confusion riddling every inch of her face.

“I don’t care about any of that, Mizu.” You began. Now finally having your answer to why she had stayed away, you no longer felt so angry, if anything you were more upset with the fact that she assumed you would react in such a way. “I don’t care what color your eyes are or how good you are with a sword and I certainly don’t care that you’re a woman.” You lightly joked, earning a small exhale in acknowledgement from Mizu. You made your way back over to her, now standing in front of her just as you had done before.

You had spent so much time worrying over her only for her to be avoiding you because of a silly assumption she had made on her own.

“I'm sorry.” She quietly said, her eyes not meeting your own as she continued, “It’s a habit. I just kind of expect it at this point.” She admitted with a shrug. You frowned, hearing such a hearvy admission as if it was nothing that upset you. You knew you wouldn’t be able to change her way of thinking but you could at least try and convince her about how you felt.

“Well what’s important is that you’re back.” You said with a smile. “You plan on staying right?” You asked, your smile dropping for a moment as you awaited her answer. You didn’t want her to leave again, you didn't want to finally be able to feel her again just for her to disappear as if she never existed in the first place. Any amount of distraction in the world wouldn’t be enough to keep you from the despair and anger you’d feel if she had left a second time.

“Of course I am.” She confirmed, a slight smile gracing her face as you happily hugged her. It would be a bit of a weird adjustment for the both of you given your new schedule but those were issues for future you to worry about. Right now all that matters was you and Mizu, and a very much still open medicinal shop that still had clients waiting for help. Once you finally realized this, you had given a place for Mizu to wait as you had continued to help clients, sometimes she even gave her own input on things, having needed certain items for certain issues herself. Although her expertise mainly centered around open wounds and gashes which, surprise surprise, was not all that common when you weren’t going out of your way to fight people every chance you got. You appreciated the help nonetheless.

The sun had already set as you finished up for the day. Mizu had helped you put some things away and get everything ready for the next day. You were beyond delighted to see her again, even just watching her put things away was enough to send you soaring. She might’ve been on the leaner side but Mizu was still uncommonly strong, and you couldn’t help but admire her any chance you got, of course when she wasn’t looking. You certainly weren’t giving her the heavier items to lift for that exact reason, who would ever think to do such a thing?

Once you both had finished up, you slid the door behind you both and began to walk back towards the direction of your house.

“I missed you.” You admitted quite out of the blue. It was clear you both missed each other but neither of you had outwardly said those three words yet, so you figured you’d be the first. Little did you know just the effect they had on Mizu, no one had ever said something like that directed towards her, she felt so… loved.

“I missed you too.”

One wouldn’t expect a relationship that has such little time to blossom to actually thrive but you two worked very well together.

Once you had finally made it inside, you both got yourselves situated and comfortable. Mizu took a small look around, getting used to her surroundings just like she once had. You could see a faint smile on her face as she walked about, looking at the decorations around your home, most of which had not been changed but two or three had been replaced. She then stopped and began to stare at the painting that she had sat and stared at so many times before.

“Hey Mizu?” You called for her, gaining her attention as she looked towards you. You had only changed to a more comfortable outfit, if anything it had resembled what you had worn the day you met Mizu, but something about her shifted.

“Do you mind helping me with this?” You asked, referring to something that you couldn’t tie from behind your back. She obliged, not many emotions could be seen on her face, but she definitely looked deep in thought.

You had made your way over to her, turned around and waited for her to finish tying whatever you had needed help with. However, you couldn’t feel her tying anything, in fact you couldn’t feel her moving at all. That’s because she wasn’t, she had waited for just a moment before she leaned over your shoulder, whispering quietly in your ear,

“How about we make this easier and just make up for lost time?” She teased. It was a small gesture but it was enough to send what felt like a whirlwind through your stomach. You turned back to look at her expecting her to be joking considering you had never heard her speak in such a way but when you had turned back you were met with eyes that were filled with a certain kind of hunger.

She wasn’t joking.

And you’d be damned if you were going to miss this opportunity.

[dreamerinthemoonlight]

Spring Date HCS (Kaeya, Diluc, Albedo)

I always love it when spring finally comes around. Even though the grass where I live is almost perpetually green (like wtf??!! How can it be freaking Christmas and some of the grass is green?!!!), I love seeing the trees start to bud out. And the sun. Having the sun out more is nice too

Under the cuts, spring dates with Kaeya, Diluc,  and Albedo

GN reader

cw: slight mention of after hours fun. Not much because that’s a different set off head canons entirely, but it’s there

Kaeya

His first suggestion was to go drinking

Of course the answer was no, not happening

So instead you’re walking around on the Mondstadt version of a mall date

Kaeya seems like he’s the type who looooves PDA, so he’s always holding your hand

Or maybe you’re holding his hand because he’s definitely the type to tease you with little touches that are designed to turn the date very R18 by the end of the day

To be fair, he really doesn’t have to try that hard

He’s hot and charming and he uses it to full effect

In the evening you two climb up venti’s statue (Kaeya is a charmer and will happily go the extra mile. Probably made you a pretty staircase else style to get up there too hehe)

You sit and he pulls you closer so that your head rests against his chest

And the two of you want the sunset from the best seats in city

Diluc

Have you seen this man’s voice lines?

The guy is sweet as hell (10/10 would date)

He picked you up, right on time and had roses waiting. Really nice ones because he can definitely afford them

Instead of staying in the city, you two went out on horse back

Brought a picnic lunch

But most of the time is spent riding and talking. Or riding and not talking. 

The both of you are just happy to have a day off with no real itinerary

Just let the wind lead

So around lunch time you guys find a nice spot-- preferably slime free, but Diluc doesn’t have any problems clearing a spot for you if the spot is nice enough’

You eat lunch and continue just handing out

Really date day is the day that both of you can just be you

You watch the sunset while you’re out

And when you get back into the city he walks you to your door, gives you a goodbye kiss that might turn into more but shhh

Albedo

Last but not least

Our favorite Mondstadt nerd

It’s not on Dragonspine

You put your foot down on that one. No freezing on a spring date

You also handed off Klee to Kaeya archons save us all so the two of you have time alone

I’d say it’s a work date, because his work is basically being as curious as possible, but really, his focus is on you

He can’t stop being curious

But he’ll spend the entire time studying you, figuring out what makes you laugh and smile and then work on doing those things

He seems like the kind who remembers all of the small stuff

If you told him your favorite flower, that’s what he brings you when he picks you up or greets you at the foot of Dragonspine

After that you go exploring

Not unlike with Diluc, but with Albedo your wandering has a distinct purpose

For some reason the desire to know is just there when you’re around Albedo

Not that you’ll complain, not when his attention is on you

If your hair is in your face, he’ll tuck it behind your ear, letting his fingers linger on the edge, feeling the skin only he gets to feel and feeling a certain amount of satisfaction that your his

Even if he doesn’t talk much, he listens. He’ll respond when need be, but he really does love to listen

While you’re out, you eat a picnic lunch he packed and then continue walking around

Instead of taking you home that night, he brings you up to his cave in Dragonspine

It wouldn’t be the first night you’ve spent there and it beats the noise of Mondstadt city in the spring

And there’s no one to hear if you decide the two of you want to do some more intimate experimentation

[m1ckeyb3rry]

── THE GLASS PRINCESS // SEVENTEEN

Series Synopsis: You wake up in a strange room with no memories, broken glass at your bedside, and a prince named Zuko as your only chance at figuring out who you really are.

Chapter Synopsis: Now that you have regained your memories, you and Bian must set off in search of allies.

Series Masterlist

Pairing: Zuko x Reader

Chapter Word Count: 5.6k

Content Warnings: complicated relationships (strangers to friends to lovers to enemies to strangers to lovers to enemies to lovers), amnesia, alternate universe, lots of secrets and lying and mystery

A/N: hey…how y’all doing…sorry this chapter is so blech it’s a little transition thing so that the next arc can finally start in full LMAO i don’t really like it but it does what it has to

You threw the book away from you, earning a surprised squawk from Bian. She flapped her wings and drew back, the feathers of her crest standing on end in an attempt to look intimidating before smoothing down as she realized there was no imminent threat. Then, she cocked her head at you, cooing in confusion.

“That half-witted, self-involved, traitorous excuse for a person!” you said to her. “That — that — well, he is lucky I’ve only realized who I am now that I have already run away, or else I’d march to the palace and kill him myself!”

The Princess of the Earth Kingdom. The Princess of the Earth Kingdom. That was who you really were. The Soldiers of Agni had not been the ones to destroy the wing of the Earth Palace, you had. They were not the ones who had been vastly outnumbered in the face of opposition, you were. And the royal family of the Earth Kingdom had not entirely been killed during the coup, because you were still alive.

But — but did that mean Kuei was dead? Had they gone into Ba Sing Se and found him and murdered him? Your dear brother…there was such a low chance that he would’ve survived on his own, and an even lower chance that he would’ve escaped notice. Not with his bumbling, innocent worldview. Not with Bosco constantly at his side, drawing attention without even trying. Not without any way to defend himself, no bending or weapons or guards to speak of.

Then it had been meaningless. You had given up your life for nothing. Kuei was dead. The Avatar was dead — or, if he was not quite yet dead, then he would soon fall again at Princess Azula’s hands. Ba Sing Se had been conquered by the Fire Nation, and all the while you had been lounging around in the palace of the very country that had stolen your home, attending its school and befriending its people.

“Ursa,” you seethed, getting up and pacing restlessly, the ground shaking with your every step as your long-suppressed bending flared to life and ran wildly out of control. “A prisoner of the Earth Kingdom’s. Hilarious. Hilarious. Tortured for Fire Nation secrets! What a great story, huh, Bian? Lifted directly from Seven Soldiers of Agni, I’d wager! And all the while, I was his prisoner, and I didn’t even know it! I — I spoke so kindly to the person who ordered my execution…”

The ground stopped shaking as your anger faded, replaced with a bout of the mourning you had not yet been allowed to feel. Mourning for your brother, who you would never see again. Mourning for those days you had spent with Lee and Mushi, which were the few in which you had truly been happy. Mourning for your subjects, who were now in the grasp of the Fire Nation, likely under even more oppressive conditions than before.

“What can I even do now?” you whispered, though you had no illusions that anyone would answer. There was no Quynh to advise you this time. You had to do it yourself. You had to make the decisions.

Yet, you had attempted such a thing before, hadn’t you? You had tried to do the right thing back in the Earth Palace. You had sacrificed yourself to save your brother, to buy your kingdom time, but you had been ultimately unsuccessful. The only decisions you had ever made for yourself had been the wrong ones. So how could you be sure that the next ones you made would not be more of the same? How could you be sure when there was such a high probability that you would once again choose incorrectly?

“I am lost,” you admitted to Bian, a tear rolling down your cheek, followed by another, and then another. “I am utterly lost. I have nary a clue where to go next.”

Bian blinked at you. She was the only one around who you could talk to, but of course, you should not have expected her to be able to talk back. She wasn’t a spirit in the way of Quynh. She was just a regular, if not spectacularly bred and incredibly intelligent, bird.

There was no point in dawdling about hopelessly. Once the sun rose properly, Jia-Li would awaken and realize that you were gone for good. And then — and then you could expect the worst. There was no way that the Fire Nation would allow you to live, not now that you knew your true identity. There was no way Prince Zuko would allow you to jeopardize him like that. You had only this one night before the royal forces were sent after you.

“I have to find allies,” you said as you attempted to calm yourself by recounting the supplies you had brought with you.

It was the most important thing. If you wanted a chance at retaking your kingdom, then you needed people on your side, people who had the strength to back you up in that endeavor. A few days ago, the only allies you could claim to have had were Jia-Li and Ty Lee, but the situation had changed drastically, and now, they could both be considered nothing but enemies.

Your best chance lay in finding Katara, Sokka, and the rest of the Southern Water Tribe forces. Although their fleet was nothing magnificent, it was at least a starting point, one which you desperately needed. From there, you would take their advice into consideration as you tried to figure out a way to regain your kingdom from the clutches of the Fire Nation.

You slept fitfully, restlessly, awakening often and gazing up at the moon before uneasily convincing yourself to rest for just a little longer. The effect was that by the time the blazing sun began to rise in the cloudless sky, you were no less exhausted than you had been when it had set.

“We must be off,” you said, slinging your bag over your shoulder and whistling for Bian, who had flown off some minutes ago to hunt. When she did not appear immediately, you whistled again, holding out your arm for her to perch on. “Bian! We hardly have the time for this!”

There was a furious shriek, and then Bian tumbled out of the air, one of her wings bent at an awkward angle as a raven eagle dove after her with claws outstretched. Although she could not fly, she still snapped at her foe, her fearsome beak bloody around the corners, a streak of red upon the raven eagle’s breast where she must’ve been able to catch him.

“Bian!” you shouted, racing over to catch her and holding her to your chest as the raven eagle pulled out of its dive, too cowardly to face a foe so much larger than it. It screeched at you in contempt before soaring up out of the forest and out of view. You ignored it, setting Bian on the ground and using the ends of your sleeves to wipe at her beak. “Why would you do that? Why did you challenge that awful bird?”

Bian offered you her leg. At first, you thought she was trying to show you another injury, but beyond her broken wing, she seemed to have escaped the scuffle unscathed. Seconds later, you realized she was clutching a rolled up scroll tightly in her claws, only relinquishing it when you pressed on it with your pointer finger.

“Where did you find this?” you said. It was sealed with the stamp of the Fire Nation military, though you doubted that that raven eagle had any association with the army. Likely it had intercepted some official communications, and Bian, who had after all once been a Fire Nation bird, had attacked him for the treachery.

There wasn’t much written on the note, but for you, who had just regained your memories, it was yet another foundation-shaking statement.

The Avatar lives. Alert the Fire Lord immediately.

The Avatar was alive. Aang was alive, and he must’ve hale, for such an urgent letter to be sent off to the military, which meant that there was hope. If — if you could just reach him before Princess Azula did, then there was hope. Returning to Ba Sing Se would not be such a fever dream if you had the Avatar at your side, and you scooped Bian back into your arms, kissing her between her eyes.

“You always bring me such lovely things, Bian,” you said. She cooed at you plaintively, and you winced in dismay as you realized her wing hung uselessly at her side, her body shaking in your hands from the pain of the destruction of her frail bones. “And this is the thanks you receive. From what I recall, there is a village nearby, and there should be someone who can treat you in it. We will do that first, and from there, we will figure out some way to find the Avatar.”

Strangely, as you trekked through the forest, you found yourself grateful for your enrollment at the academy. This was exactly the kind of situation you had run drills for, and whereas in your years as the princess of the Earth Kingdom you would’ve run out of breath or fallen or underwent some other, similar calamity, your time as Ursa of the Fire Nation had prepared you for this.

It was the last gift Prince Zuko had given you, unwittingly though it may have been. By sending you to that school, he had inadvertently prepared you to be his most dangerous enemy — made more dangerous for the fact that he must have believed you still loved him, or at least held enough affection for him that you’d excuse his actions upon coming to know of them.

You didn’t excuse them. How could you? He had taken everything from you, and then he had dragged you back to his nation without any care for how it might make you feel. What selfishness! What ignorance! What folly! It was blindness on his part, to imagine that a bear could flourish in a land of phoenixes, to truly believe that you could’ve been happy in the Fire Nation for any extended amount of time.

You made it to the village by noon, and though there was no reason for anyone there to recognize you, you ducked your head as you raced to the post office, where all mail brought to the village was kept to be sorted and distributed into mailboxes. Because of the large influx of messenger hawks that went back and forth from the post office, you were more likely to find help for Bian there than anyone else.

“Excuse me, postmaster, sir,” you said, bowing at the man who was sitting at the counter behind piles of letters. “Might I trouble you for a moment?”

“What is it?” he said gruffly, clearly irritated by your request. You wilted at the unsaid rebuke, but then you straightened your shoulders again. It didn’t matter if the man was annoyed — Bian needed help, and you would get it for her.

“My hawk, I think her wing is broken,” you said, placing Bian on the counter and shushing her when she tried to flap away in vain. The postmaster squinted at her.

“She’s a fine example of the species,” he said, a note of suspicion entering his tone. “Where’d you find such a lovely creature? And why’d you let her get in this condition? Birds such as her are meant to be ornaments, symbols of status, not actual messengers.”

Yet another thing Prince Zuko had neglected to tell you. Well, this you could not blame him for; Bian was not the sort to sit around and be a status symbol. Flying and working and fighting were a part of her nature, and she would be miserable without those outlets for her energy.

“She’s mine,” you said. “I got her in the capital city. You know that they only sell the finest of wares there. Though, of course, I could not afford a hawk for mere decorative purposes, so it’s true that I use her to send my letters.”

The postmaster scoffed. “Idiot.”

“Look, is it possible for her to be healed?” you said, rolling your eyes when he bent to inspect Bian’s wing. “That’s all I’m asking for, sir.”

Now that you remembered who you were, it felt odd to be so deferential to a person who you outranked so vastly. Unfortunately, at least for now, everyone thought you were nothing but another common girl, which meant that just about any person you conversed with had to be addressed with respect.

“She’ll be alright in a couple of weeks,” he said, reaching into a drawer and pulling out a piece of cloth, wrapping it around Bian’s wing so that it was flush to her body. “You’ll have to carry her around and take care of her in the meantime, but as long as you’re willing to do that, she’ll be able to fly again soon enough. It’ll be like she was never injured.”

“Yes, of course,” you said, sighing in relief at the thought that she would make a full recovery. “Thank you for your help. Did you hear, Bian? You’ll be okay.”

“You named her Bian?” the postmaster said. “What, have you been engaging with the colony trash?”

“Pardon?” you said. “What did you just say?”

“The colonies are such a blight on the Fire Nation,” he said. “Infecting even good and proper girls like you with their backwards customs and words. It’s a disgrace.”

The colonies was the general term used to refer to the Earth Kingdom villages which had fallen to Fire Nation rule. You had never been to any, but from what you had gathered, they were hotbeds of strife and inequality, where the Fire Nation soldiers lorded over the native Earth Kingdom citizens.

Of course — you had not realized it when you had given it to her, but Bian’s name was Earth Kingdom, so the postmaster was not entirely incorrect in guessing that you were from the colonies or had spent some days there. That was not what you were so horrified by — it was the latter part of his accusation, the notion of the Earth Kingdom citizens infecting the Fire Nation, which you took offense to.

Your people were not the invaders. Your people were not the aggressors. Your people had been living in peace until the Fire Nation attacked. If there was any blight, it was them, those destructive forces who burnt and burnt until the world fell to their feet. They were the stain upon the earth, so on what moral authority could this postmaster stand and claim that you were the disgraceful ones?

“Hm,” you said, though you longed to shout at him. There would be no gain from a burst of anger, though. It would only serve to give away your disguise, and you could not have that, not when you were still close enough to the capital that you could be easily tracked down by Prince Zuko and his ilk if you made even a single misstep. “Maybe so.”

“Do you need anything else? I’ll suffer pay cuts if I don’t get this mail sorted by evening,” the postmaster said.

“Pay cuts? You’re a government employee, aren’t you? Your pay shouldn’t be cut without extreme circumstances demanding it,” you said.

“It’s a new policy that Fire Lord Ozai’s put into place,” the postmaster said. “Those not performing to expected capacity will be punished, even though expected capacity is such an unrealistic goal. I haven’t seen my family in a week! I’ve just been sorting mail, mail, and more mail! But, ah, that’s not to say I’m complaining. All hail the royal family!”

“All hail the royal family,” you repeated, as was customary, even though the words were sour on your tongue. “Though that’s certainly a strange development.”

“It’s fine,” the postmaster said. “The Fire Lord is right, as per usual. If even one piece of a machine is not running smoothly, then the entire construction is forfeit. Maybe it doesn’t seem important, but if I am deficient in my work, then the entire nation will be that much delayed.”

“Very well,” you said. “If that’s how you wish to view it, I shan’t stop you. In fact, I’ll leave you to it, though not without a final question: is there any kind of transport that I can take to get somewhere else?”

“Depends on where you want to go,” he said, hunching over the pile of mail again and beginning to sort once more, eyes flicking up to meet yours when he spoke and then returning to his task immediately after.

“I’m not sure,” you said. “Just somewhere far from here.”

Belatedly, you realized you probably sounded even more suspicious, which was not a good thing, considering the postmaster was already likely questioning you, but luckily, he did not say anything beyond humming.

“I know of a couple that’s rented a carriage to take them to some southern hospital. You could probably ask to go along with them,” he said.

You brightened. The south was as good of a place to start as any; either way, it was in a different direction from the capital city, so even if the trip did not take you to the Avatar, it would deposit you in a place that was further from Prince Zuko’s reach than you were at present.

“Thank you,” you said. “And where might I find them?”

“The town square, most likely,” he said.

“Farewell, then,” you said, tucking Bian under your arm as you raced off. She did not protest, closing her eyes and enjoying the breeze as you sprinted towards the town square, hoping you would not miss the rental carriage’s departure.

As you skidded to a stop in front of a fountain, you huffed in relief when you saw a pregnant woman standing beside a man with a bag slung across his back. Though you had no description to go off of, you were willing to bet money that they were the couple that the postmaster had been referring to, and, after taking a second to catch your breath, you put on your best smile and walked over to bow at the couple.

“Hello, sir, madam,” you said. “I heard from the postmaster that you’ve rented a carriage to go to a southern hospital.”

“Yes, we did. It should be arriving soon,” the woman said.

“Why?” the man said warily, shifting so that he was standing half in front of the woman protectively.

“If you are not opposed, I should like to join you on your journey,” you said, poking Bian in the side. She squawked at you in indignation, and though you momentarily felt bad for bothering her when she was already injured, the noise served to draw the couple’s attention to her. Giving them a winning smile, you brandished Bian in front of you. “As you can see, my messenger hawk is injured. I am hoping to go to that same hospital and seek medical care for her.”

Bian cocked her head at them, blinking in a way that you could only pray they found charming. The man and woman exchanged looks.

“I didn’t know they treated animals, too,” the woman said, rubbing her stomach unsurely.

“Given the state of the, um, economy, they’ve expanded their client base,” you said, batting your own eyelashes. “I shall recompense you upon arrival, naturally.”

“I suppose it can’t hurt,” the man said, though you doubted he trusted you any.

“Thank you, sir. I promise you will not regret this!” you said.

“I sure hope not,” he said. Bian nipped your hand, and you shook your head before setting her on your shoulder, though not without reprimanding her for the impolite behavior.

“You won’t!”

The carriage rolled into the square only minutes later, and you thanked Quynh internally for sending you into the town at just the right time. Only a bit of a delay and you would’ve been stuck traveling by foot, but instead you would be making your way across the Fire Nation in relative style, taking up your own bench in the carriage and letting Bian rest atop your bags beside you.

“So, what’s your name?” the woman said as the carriage rolled off. You almost responded with Ursa out of habit, but you stopped yourself just in time. You didn’t want to wear anything associated with Prince Zuko, not even a name, and if the couple happened to be questioned at any point, then you did not want your well-known moniker to fall from their lips.

“Jia-Li,” you said easily, borrowing the first Fire Nation name you could think of, apologizing to your likely-frantic roommate as you did so. You had no specific quarrel with her, after all. One day, eventually, when she joined her nation’s army and became your enemy in full, you would not think of her so fondly, but for the moment, she was nothing more than a girl who had been kind to you. Your friend. “My name is Jia-Li.”

“That’s a pretty name,” she said.

“Thank you,” you said. You recognized that you probably ought to ask them for their names in return, but you did not. They were, after all, doing you a great favor by letting you ride in the carriage with them, and you would not repay their kindness with understanding.

If you knew their names, then you could incriminate them as accomplices in your escape, should you ever be captured or otherwise under duress. No, unawareness was the best policy. Maybe you’d seem ruder for it, but it was for their own good that you did so.

“I’m due to give birth soon,” the woman said after an awkward moment where no one spoke. “That’s why we’re going to the southern hospital, you see.”

“Do you expect complications?” you said.

“Every woman in my line has died in childbirth,” she said. “My mother, and her mother before her, and hers before her, so on and so forth. It’s like a curse. We’re hoping that, with the advancements in medicine that have taken place recently, there’s a chance I won’t fall victim to it as well. The southern hospital is supposedly the best in all the Fire Nation — we’ve been on the waitlist for an appointment for months.”

“Oh,” you said, staring out of the window at the scenery flashing by. “My mother died in childbirth as well. I suppose we have that in common.”

Or maybe not. Maybe Sokka’s hunch had been right and Long Feng had had some hand in her death, too. Maybe childbirth was just an easy way to explain her demise, which would’ve been unnatural in any other circumstance. You wouldn’t put it past the scheming Grand Secretariat and his Dai Li underlings, who had proven they would do anything for just a little bit more power.

That was the first thing you’d do, you vowed. As soon as you had your kingdom back, you would put every single one of those horrible people that had had a hand in your parents’ deaths and Ba Sing Se’s fall on trial. None of them would be spared. Even if it took days, you would bring each of them to justice. Perhaps it was a vindictive thought to have, but it made you feel better to think it, so you did not allow anything resembling a conscience to demand you stop.

“I’m sorry,” the man said.

“I mourn who she might’ve been,” you said. “But not who she was. I never knew her, after all. Though I thank you for it, you should save your concern for those in direr need.”

The closer and closer you got to the southern hospital, the more the man fretted, fussing over his wife, who seemed to be perpetually near tears. You did not blame either of them; the prospect of the woman’s possibly imminent death was sickening for you, too, and you did not even know her that well.

It was mystifying to you. If she knew that she had such a high chance of dying while giving birth, why had she chosen to conceive? It made no sense. It was an entirely avoidable form of death, and despite the insensitive nature of the query, you posed the question to her.

“Because,” she said without even taking the time to think, squeezing her husband’s hand, “there’s a chance.”

“A chance?” you said.

“A chance,” she affirmed. “That I’ll survive. That our baby will be healthy. That we can have the family we’ve dreamed of. It’s a small chance, admittedly. Maybe even a minuscule one. Most people call us insane for risking it. I’m sure you think the same. But the truth is that, as long as that chance exists, I have to rely on it. We have to.”

“Do you think it’s worth it?” you said.

“Maybe not to some,” she said. “Everyone has to decide what they value, and then they just have to do what they can in pursuit of that thing.”

You were silent for a second, swallowing, gathering your thoughts, finding boldness in the anonymity of the conversation. They did not know you, and you did not know them, and it gave you the confidence to say something you would not dare vocalize to anyone else.

“What if a person values two things that are in conflict?” you said. “Say, their home and someone they love. What then?”

It was the man who spoke up this time. “If they really love that person, then they’ll do as that person wishes, even if it’s difficult. Even if it means they can’t have something else they desire.”

He glanced at the woman when he spoke, and you realized that he must have been speaking from personal experience.

“I see,” you said. “I guess it must be like that.”

It was a confirmation of what you had thought — that Prince Zuko had never loved you, not like you had loved him. You had given him everything, had allowed him through Quynh’s Door, and all the while, he had felt nothing for you. He had been pretending. You had told him the way to get into the palace, and he had seized the opportunity you had presented him with.

That was all you were to him. That was all you had ever been. An opportunity. A key. A door. What a stupid girl you were, to think he had ever thought of you as anything but Princess Y/N, his very own entrance to the Earth Palace.

“We’re really worried,” the man confided in you as the woman slept. “It took so long for the hospital to agree to see us, and longer to find a rental carriage willing to travel so far. If anything happens and we’re late to the appointment, I’m afraid they’ll turn us away. As it is, we’ll probably arrive with only an hour to spare.”

“I’m sure there won’t be any issues,” you said. Almost on cue, the carriage caught on something, and then it rolled to a stop. You swore under your breath before pursing your lips, not wanting to seem even impoliter than you already had.

“What’s happening?” the man said in a panic, pulling the curtains back and peering out the window. His wife woke with a start, glancing around, still dazed.

“What’s going on?” she echoed.

“By my estimates, it’s a routine stop. Perhaps one of the dragon moose grew tired and needed to be given water. There’s nothing to fret about,” you soothed, though you had no clue whether that was the truth or not. “I’m sure we’ll get going in just a few moments.”

The carriage door opened, and the driver entered, hunching over to fit in the doorway as he looked at you all with a grave expression.

“It seems we’ve hit someone,” he said.

“What?” the man shrieked.

“As in, they’re dead?” you said.

“No, they’re living, but they’re demanding payment for the injuries and trauma,” he said.

“Go on, then,” you said. “Pay them.”

“The company I work for doesn’t give us extra allowance for accidents,” the driver said. “It’s stated in the terms of the contract that passengers are responsible for additional fees incurred during the trip.”

“Just negotiating is going to take a while,” the man said, pale-faced. “Not to mention any savings we didn’t waste on hiring you are meant to pay for the hospital visit. We don’t have any extra!”

“You’ve possibly wounded the child for life,” the carriage driver said dully. “Yet you’re still being stingy?”

You frowned as you watched the back and forth, the way the woman’s eyes had widened and grown glossy with tears, the way the man’s fists were clenched to disguise the trembling of his hands. Though the situation was so different, you were reminded of Ba Sing Se. Here, too, the ordinary people were suffering. And here, too, though they were not your people, you felt a sense of duty prevailing in you, commanding you to help.

“I’ll deal with it,” you said. “You, just get them to the hospital as soon as possible. They have an appointment that they cannot miss.”

“But Jia-Li, what about your bird?” the woman said.

“Eh?” you said. She pointed at Bian. “Oh, we’ll, um, find another doctor nearby. You ought to worry only for your own condition, madam.”

“Thank you, miss,” the man said.

“Consider this my payment for the ride and the advice,” you said. “I thank you for both, and I pray that your child may be born with a good spirit and a healthy mother. May Agni be with you always.”

“You as well,” the woman said.

“We won’t ever forget what you’ve done for us,” the man promised you. “This may be the last time we meet, but we’ll remember you.”

You smiled at them, picking up your bag of things in one hand and Bian in the other.

“I’ll think of you often,” you promised, kicking the door shut behind you and hopping off the carriage, waving at the carriage driver to indicate that he could leave without you before turning to the scene of the wreck — only to find that there was no wreck, just a familiar boy standing and staring at you with a dropped jaw.

“Princess — Princess — Princess Y/N? Is that really you?” he said.

Your bag fell from your hands in shock as you comprehended who you were looking at. Placing Bian on the ground, you took a step forward, reaching your hands out, trying to ascertain if he was real or not.

“Sokka?” you said. “Sokka, what are you doing here? Why do I always encounter you in these strange, random places?”

“I should be asking you the same question!” he said. “Aren’t you supposed to be dead right now?”

“Yes,” you said, and then you were throwing your arms around him and hugging him tightly, so relieved to finally have found one true ally, one person who knew who you really were. His own arms wound around your back, and unbidden, your lower lip began to tremble as the safety of his embrace finally allowed you to unabashedly weep. “Yes, I should be dead. I thought I was dead.”

“Looks like your brother threw a fit over nothing,” a new voice said — Toph! It was Toph, springing to her feet from where she had been lying in the road, dusting herself off. “I mean, honestly, I get that he was sad and all, but an escape is not exactly the moment to throw yourself to the ground and bawl and dramatically swear you’ll never leave the city your sister is buried in! It’s a miracle we dragged him and Bosco away.”

“What?” you said. “Do you — Do you mean to say that my brother is alive?”

“Yeah, he is,” Toph said. “He ran off to explore the Earth Kingdom and find himself, though. Something about how if ‘his dear baby sister could be so brave, then it was about time he started doing the same.’”

“Kuei,” you said, overcome with a wave of affection for your brother. He was alive. Somehow, despite the odds, despite everything working against him, he had made it. He had found the others, and he had survived, which meant you could see him again. The two of you could reclaim Ba Sing Se together, united in your efforts instead of carrying each other’s banners in memory.

“He really loves you,” Sokka said. “It’s one of the few things I have to give to him. He’s a lot of things, but a bad brother isn’t one of them.”

You wiped away your tears, letting go of Sokka and stooping down to grab your bag and the discarded Bian, who thankfully did not seem too miffed about the proceedings, nudging you with her beak in what you could only assume was her method of showing you affection.

“He’s the most wonderful brother,” you said. “I didn’t always appreciate that, but I will make sure to tell him every hour of every day once we may meet again.”

“That’s cheesy,” Toph said. “But kinda cute.”

“Wait, Toph,” you said. “This is a little bit unrelated, but were you the one that the carriage hit?”

“Uh,” Toph said, scratching the back of her neck.

“Well,” Sokka said, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Kind of?” Toph said.

Your jaw dropped as you realized what they had done, and, looking around to make sure no one was watching, you lifted a pebble using your Earthbending and flicked it into Sokka’s forehead. This earned you a wounded yelp from him and a cackling laugh from Toph, who you had not bothered attacking on account of her seismic sense.

“You buffoons,” you said. “Did you seriously try to scam me?”

taglist (comment/send an ask/dm to be added): @rinisfruity14 @c4ttheart @blacky-rose @shizko @marsbars09 @happyplaidpersonfestival @catborglar @camilleverreault @nerdybouquetofkittens-blog @lovialy @heart4hees @stefnarda @ioonatv @vvicaddiction @yukihatesreoyo @yodayyy @ellzbellz18 @wscxbells

[writeforfandoms]

Born for Greatness 4

Find the series masterlist

In which pack cuddles are a thing, we learn more about the local pack, and there is only a little bit of freaking out. Also you continue to earn your place as pack mom.

Thank you to @gallowsjoker​ for helping with the nicknames! 

Warnings: Reader has Issues, swearing, internal panic, bits of German, background Horangi/König.

Word count: 2.7k

Eventual John Price x f!reader

Also if you recognize that character... Hee hee hee 😈

Being alone had stopped actively bothering you a long time ago. You’d spent a lot of time alone.

Even being alone on base wasn’t that bad. You read and responded to emails and chatted with some old friends and kept an eye on some shipments. You didn’t give yourself time to get bored. 

But it was still a long four days until the pack got back. You knew better than to ask where they’d been or what they’d been doing. You just eyed them all, noting the blood stains and mud. 

“Any injuries?” you asked Price, handing Gaz a snack. He looked like he needed it. Actually, so did Soap, so you gave him one too. 

“No.” His lips twitched as he watched you hand a snack to Ghost too. 

“Good.” You held out a snack to him too. “I’ll be upstairs.” You smiled at them and headed back upstairs to give them time and space to clean up. 

You were in the middle of typing out an update when a warm damp form draped over your back. You squeaked, startled, and tried to twist enough to see who it was. 

“Jus’ gimme a minute,” Soap mumbled into the back of your shoulder. 

You relaxed again. “Take your time,” you murmured, gentle now. This had happened before - sometimes certain smells got stuck, or felt like they did, and you were a good way to clear the nose. You didn’t smell like the mission or the field or any of it. 

At least, that’s how König had described it, slow and faltering, with his nose tucked into the back of your neck. 

Except then Gaz spotted the two of you and wanted in too, eyes still a little more yellow than brown. He huffed at Soap, trying to crowd in against your side. 

“Wait, hang on,” you said, seeing the problem coming. They both needed a bit to relax and come back down from the mission-ready state, and if you weren’t careful they could end up snapping at each other. “Here, let’s move to the couch.” Gently, you nudged them both in the direction you wanted until you could sit on the couch. Soap curled up behind you (you weren’t entirely sure how he fit but he did) while Gaz sprawled into your lap to press his nose against your belly. You did have to swallow at that, because this left you in a very vulnerable position, but you forced yourself to relax.

They needed this, and you could provide this, so you would. 

Ghost and Price walked in together, talking quietly, though they both paused when they spotted you on the couch. You were pretty sure Soap had fallen asleep against your back, breath warm and even as it fanned against the back of your neck. Gaz wasn’t asleep, because he lifted his head blearily, but he didn’t move otherwise. 

“Comfortable?” Price asked, low and amused. 

“Oh, you know.” You kept your own voice quiet and light, neatly avoiding actually answering the question. “I figured I’d let them rest a bit before shoving them down to the mess.”

Price nodded, gaze fixed on Gaz nuzzling sleepily into your stomach. “Half an hour,” was all he said before he turned away. Ghost chuffed softly, a distinctly feline noise, but walked over to his pack to grab a book.

And then joined you on the couch. Reading quietly. Doing his own thing in your orbit.

Well, if that wasn’t a prime example of cat affection. 

You shook your head a little and focused on your breathing, on the weight and warmth of the two shifters. They needed the rest. 

You didn’t even pay attention to how much time had passed. Which is why Ghost got away with being a little shit. 

Gloved fingers dug into Soap’s side, waking the other shifter with tickling. Soap practically shrieked, flailing awake and dumping both you and Gaz right off the couch. Gaz sat up with a low growl and you just glared at Ghost from your spot on the floor.

“I hate you,” you said, very calmly. 

“Worked, didn’t it?” Ghost was clearly smirking under his mask. 

“Enough.”

The voice of their Alpha caused all three to stop and look, and you sighed. Sometimes you envied Alphas that ability. But you pushed yourself to your feet, ignoring them. 

“Let’s go,” Price ordered, the other three falling in easily enough. But Price paused when you didn’t immediately join them. “Coming?” 

“Not hungry.”

His eyes narrowed a little. But he nodded, accepting that.

And then the room was quiet again as you were left by yourself.

It wasn’t the smartest choice you’d made - you did need to eat at some point. But you needed a little time. 

There was something about this pack, about these four, that made you comfortable. As comfortable as you ever got. You almost, almost, wanted to stay. For a while longer, at least. To see what it would be like, how it would feel.

To belong.

But that was nothing more than an idle wish. It would pass. 

It always did.

You huffed out a little laugh. You needed… something. To get laid, probably. To take a break and go visit your wolverine for a couple weeks. He always got your head on straight. Usually by throwing you into snowbanks until you were half-frozen.

In the absence of that, though, you went for a walk. It was nice outside, and the quiet did you good. Or the fresh air. Something like that. 

You’d only been walking for ten minutes when someone grabbed you from behind. You were about to shriek… except for the rumble. 

“König,” you grumbled, patting his arms. “Don’t give me a heart attack.”

He huffed. “You promised we would talk.”

“I did,” you agreed, with a silent apology to your current pack. “I’m free now.”

“Good.” König bodily picked you up, ignoring your squeaked protests, and carried you back to the pack room. 

“Alright, seriously, no more carrying me around without permission.” You glared up at the shifter, hands on your hips. “Got it?”

He wilted a little. “Yes, liebling,” he agreed meekly. “Sorry.”

You breathed out slowly. “It’s alright, just been a day.”

“How is your head?” König looked but didn’t touch. 

“Better.” You tipped your head to show him. “Bump is almost gone, it’s just a little tender.” 

He grumbled, a sound that was simultaneously pleased at your healing but disgruntled at how slow it was. Compared to a shifter, you healed very slowly. 

“So, catch me up on all the gossip.” You settled into a corner of the LoveSac, noting that it had been set up for pack cuddles. Which was difficult considering just how big König was, in both forms. 

König immediately settled near you, catching you up on everything that had happened since you’d left. For his size, he could certainly be adorable, and this was one of those times. His eyes were bright with mischief and he gestured as he spoke, more than once sending you into a cackling fit over the antics of people on base. 

You didn’t notice exactly when Horangi joined the two of you, the man simply appearing lounging in a chair, separated but relaxed. What a cat. 

Finally, König fell quiet, looking at you expectantly. You huffed a soft laugh.

“I’m good,” you assured him. “Everything is normal, for me.”

“So, moving from place to place.” Horangi didn’t even look up from his book. 

“Yes.” You didn’t look at him either. “And the two of you? Things are still going well?” 

“If you’re asking if I still make him whimper, the answer is regularly.” Horangi smirked at his book at König’s fluster. 

“It’s not but thank you for that,” you drawled, dry as sand. 

König huffed and grumbled, slouching down until he could hide behind his own knees. You reached over to pat his knee. 

“I was more asking to make sure you’re fine as a pack of two,” you elaborated. “Not that I could do much, but if you really needed a third–”

“We’d kidnap you.” Horangi shrugged, like it was no big deal. 

You stopped dead. “Do not joke about that.” Your voice had gone very quiet and very tense. 

Both of them lifted their heads, gazes fixed on you, both of them very much predators. König straightened slowly, shifting closer to you, while Horangi snapped his book shut.

“Hasenöhrchen?” König didn’t touch you, but his hands twitched. Not even the teasing nickname of "bunny ears" got you to relax.

“I need to go.” You scooted out of your corner, getting quickly to your feet. You knew Horangi was joking, was just being a bit of a dick, but all you could think was that he was making fun of you. Poking at a soft spot to see how you’d react. Because they didn’t want you to stay, they worked quite well with just the two of them. 

Horangi especially would grow to resent you, with time. You knew that, and you’d thought he knew that too. Well. He knew it. He was just being an ass. 

You made your way back to the suite - you would have rather gone back outside, but it was after lights out. So you took several deep breaths in the hallway before letting yourself back in. 

Price was the only one still up. Or at least he was the only one still in the main room. He glanced at you, breathing in, but he didn’t ask.

At least someone still had some respect for professional boundaries. 

“Everyone alright?” you asked softly, toeing your shoes off. 

“Mm.” He glanced at you again before looking back down at the paperwork in front of him. “Sleeping it off.”

“As you should be.” 

“Have to finish this up.”

You stepped around the couch, eyeing him for a moment. “It’ll wait. Go get some sleep.” 

He huffed at you but backed down, setting his paperwork aside. “You can take the bed.”

“Nope.” You made shooing motions at him. “You’re too tall for this couch. Take the bed. You need a good night’s sleep.” 

“Bossy little thing, aren’t you?” But his lips twitched in a smile as he rose, letting you herd him to the open bedroom. 

“Yup.” You grinned. “Have to be, with you lot.” 

He chuckled, glancing down at you as he stopped in the doorway. “Sleep well.” 

You stepped back to let him close the door and made your way back to the couch, getting comfortable for the night. 

You woke to a heavy weight settling across your legs, warm and kind of uncomfortable. You blinked blearily, squinting a little, and lifted your head.

Soap woofed softly at you, jaws parted in a canine grin.

“What the fuck.” Your head thumped back into your pillow. 

“Good luck getting him off,” Ghost offered from the table. “Fuckin’ burr, that one.” 

You groaned and closed your eyes again. “Why.” 

“He’s kind of relentless,” Gaz said, somewhere close. Something blocked the light over you and you opened one eye to look up at him, only to see him grinning. 

“I was sleeping,” you muttered, closing your eye again and flinging one arm up over your eyes for good measure. 

There was a soft whine and then weight on your stomach, making you tense briefly again. Soap, staring soulfully at you, ears down. 

“You could have woken me up like a normal person,” you muttered, heaving a sigh. “Right, fine, I’m up now. Get off.” 

His tail thumped against the couch, ears up, but he didn’t move. 

“Are you kidding me.” 

“Finally, a new victim!” Gaz was laughing, phone out. 

“You’re next,” you promised him, already figuring out the best way to get Soap off. Your eyes narrowed at the little shit and you flicked his ear. When he reared back with a surprised yelp, you pulled your legs out from under him and rolled off the couch. Sure, you landed on your side in a bit of a jumble, but it worked. Then you got up, eyeing Gaz. “Soap, I’ll forgive you if you help me get Gaz.” 

There was a woof and then a blur of fur as the Scot leapt at Gaz, knocking him flat to the floor. Gaz swore in at least three languages that you could tell, and you grinned. And flicked his ear too. 

“Ow,” Gaz whined, shoving Soap off of him to rub his abused ear. 

“Act like a pup, get scolded like a pup,” you said, ruthless, going to poke around for coffee. “Fat lot of help you were.” You side-eyed Ghost. 

Ghost just shrugged, completely unhelpful. You huffed out a breath. 

“Debrief today,” Ghost supplied, watching you as you made coffee. “Likely back to home base tomorrow.”

“Lovely,” you agreed, watching your mug like a hawk as it filled with coffee. “Have fun with debrief." 

Ghost snorted softly. "You in a hurry?"

"I am here to do a job, and my ability to do that job is hindered here." You shrugged, pulling your mug close to your chest. 

The other two went silent at that, and you didn't realize you missed the background tussling until it wasn't there anymore. 

"Come on," Price grunted, emerging from the other bedroom just in time to save you from the awkwardness. "Let's go." 

Soap whined softly but shifted back to human and scrambled to get dressed. You politely looked away, giving him what privacy you could. 

"We'll be back." Price paused in front of you, close enough that he could easily have reached out and touched you. But he didn't. Simply nodded once to you and led the pack out of the room. 

You watched them go with a little sigh and then collapsed back on the couch. 

You really needed a break. 

You weren't sure how exactly you ended up on the roof with the phone to your ear, but you did. You really only registered the chill when the wind kicked up around you, pulling at your clothes. 

But more importantly, the call connected. 

"Do you know what time it is?" Logan sounded as grouchy as ever, only a little sleep rough. 

"I'm sorry," you said automatically. "I… don't even know what time it is here." 

That got his attention, and he grunted softly. "Tell me what's going on, kid."

"I just… think I need a break." You laughed a little, with no humor. "It's been a long few weeks." 

"Yeah? New pack?" 

"New to me, yeah. They don't really need me, just some etiquette on base and a few minor changes to make their lives easier." You paused, looking out over the base. You could see a group of soldiers running laps. "But my head is…" 

He sighed softly. "You don't have to be okay all the time," he grumbled. "You're allowed to need things."

"Rich, coming from you." Your snark lacked its usual bite. 

"I knew when I needed something," Logan argued. "S'why I got you."

You huffed a soft laugh. "Yeah. Fair." 

"So, this pack got you thinking you need something more?" The words were calm, non-judgmental. Curious more than anything. 

"I don't know." You started pacing, free hand rubbing over your face. "I don't– I mean, no, probably not. Not this pack."

"You sayin' that 'cause you mean it or 'cause you're scared?"

You hissed, long and slow, between your teeth. "Why did I call you?"

"Because I'm the only person to call your bullshit." Logan huffed. "Where are you?"

"We'll be heading back to their home base tomorrow, I think. In England." 

"Good. Gives me plenty a time." 

"What? No. No no no. Do not!" 

"Don't worry, kid. I'll be on my best behavior."

"Logan don't you dare–!" 

But it was too late. He'd hung up on you already. 

This was not what you'd had in mind when you'd called that Canadian bastard! 

Soap found you up on the roof a few hours later, looking concerned. 

"Don't mind me," you grumbled. "Just regretting all my life choices ever." 

"Och, aye," Soap agreed, dropping down next to you. "One of those days, is it?"

"Just having an off day." You sighed. "It's fine. Don't worry about me." 

"Bit late for that." Soap wiggled over closer, carefully wedging one arm under your head. "Sorry for waking ye like that, this mornin'." 

"Already forgiven." You reached over to pat his chest. "Do we need to go pack up?"

"Not yet." Soap shook his head a bit. "We're okay. Take yer time." 

You hummed softly and relaxed into the warmth of him. "Just a little bit longer," you murmured.

[lynzishell]

The Past 💛 Atlas

Now that I’ve spoken it out loud, I can’t ignore the strangeness around Ash anymore. The nightmares, the flashes of memory that don’t belong to me, and now, what feels like someone else’s words coming out of my mouth.

I’ve decided to keep some distance until I can figure this out, even if the very idea of it has me twisted up in knots.

As usual, when I arrive at work, he’s already there, joking around with Evan and Lex. I make a point to walk back by the windows to my desk, so I won’t have to face him. I know I’ll need to talk to him eventually, but I have no idea what I’m going to say, and now doesn’t seem like the time or place to say it anyway.

So, I avoid him. I avoid the situation. I avoid myself.

I sit at my desk, put my earbuds in, and I retreat to a familiar place deep within. And I work. I work through lunch despite the protests from my stomach. I don’t stop working until six o’clock, long past when Ash usually leaves. I don’t know if he tried to say hello or goodbye. I don’t even remember the day.

When I finally look up, the office is nearly empty, and the sun has just started to sink toward the horizon.

Rather than taking my usual route home, I take a right out of the building and head toward the gym. No one else is going tonight, but that's fine. I just need to think, and I think best when I'm climbing or running.

But I only make it two blocks before I hear his footsteps behind me, moving quickly along the wet concrete as he tries to catch up. I hadn’t even realized it rained today. The sky is clear now, but the moisture has left the air feeling sticky and unseasonably warm.

My heart jumps when I feel his hand tap my shoulder even though I was expecting it. I take a breath and turn to face him.

“Hey,” his greeting is like a hand reaching into a dark well, reaching down to try and pull me up from where I’ve retreated deep inside myself. His eyes search the darkness in mine. I can’t tell if he can see me or not.

He squints slightly and I know then that he can’t. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, fine,” I say automatically.

“Everything’s fine?”

“Yeah.”

He squints harder, and the corners of his mouth pull down into a frown, “Did I do something wrong?”

The confusion in his voice twists at my stomach and I have to focus on staying upright, on keeping all the muscles in my face and shoulders relaxed. It’s not easy, but I’ve had two decades of practice and I’m better at it than I’d like to admit. “No,” I say simply. Keeping my answers short to keep the emotion out of them.

Then it happens. I watch as his eyes harden like stones. This is it. This is when I fuck everything up. I can feel it, and there’s nothing I can do about it. But maybe it’s for the best. I can’t risk him getting close to me.

“Atlas, what the fuck is going on?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing? Do you think I’m stupid?”

The sharpness in his tone makes me flinch, cracking my armor, and I feel my brows pull together, “No,” emotion sneaks into my voice, drawing out the word.

“Atlas, I—” he seems to struggle for a moment. I wait, desperate to reach out to him, to put my hand on his arm and reassure him, but I’m trapped. My armor has become a cage, as it so often does. Helpless, I listen as he tries again, “I like you, a lot, and we had a really great time the other night, but… you said you’d call and you didn’t, which is fine, like, people get busy, it’s whatever… but you’ve spent the entire day acting like I don’t  exist and now you’re telling me everything is fine, acting as if nothing happened, making me feel like I’m fucking delusional or something. Do you have any idea how awful that feels?”

Yes. I feel myself deflate, a wave of shame pouring over me. I don’t think I can hate myself more than I do in this moment, realizing that I am indeed my mother's son. “I’m sorry,” I try to infuse as much sincerity into the words as I can, but they still fall flat.

“Right. You wanna tell me what’s going on then?”

“I can’t do this, Ash, I’m sorry. I think we should just be friends.” I let it out in a rush, unable to look him in the eye.

“Friends?”

I nod.

“You know, a ‘friend’ would’ve had the decency to talk to me about this rather than avoiding me.”

“I know, I’m—”

“Sorry. Yeah. I got that. Can you tell me why?”

“Because…” I sigh, grabbing on to the only explanation I can think of that makes any sense, “because we work together. I just… I don’t date people I work with.” It’s not necessarily a lie. I usually don’t consider my co-workers part of the eligible dating pool. But maybe if things were different, I’d’ve made an exception.

“You don’t date people you work with?”

“That’s right.”

He scoffs, “This would’ve been good information for you to share with me a lot sooner. I really don’t appreciate being led on.”

“I know, I didn’t mean… I got caught up. I shouldn’t have. I really am sorry.”

His head drops away from me, “Yeah, me too,” he says to the ground more than me, nudging a rock with his shoe. “So, friends then? That’s what you want?”

No. “Yes.”

He nods, still looking at the ground as he takes a deep breath. “Okay.” He finally looks back up at me, his eyes shining, not with their usual playfulness and excitement, but with tears threatening to spill over. I’ve hurt him. “Okay,” he says again, “I’ll see you tomorrow then.” He turns around abruptly before I can respond and starts walking away.

I stand there for a moment, stunned. Everything about this feels wrong. I want to take it back. And I nearly call out to him, tell him to wait, that I didn't mean it. But then he reaches a hand up, wiping his face, and I stop myself. I've done enough damage already.

I was wrong earlier. It turns out I can hate myself more.

Prev // Next

[janeiteoftheslums]

At The Gold Saucer, Aerith Is Still Pining For Zack

SE baited us so hard with that last trailer, I can’t stop giggling.

At first, I didn’t know what to think. Romantically coded clips of Aerith clinging to Cloud—a very stoic and grumpy-looking Cloud, I might add—interspersed with him gawping at her on stage as she “sings” a love ballad about fate and destiny? Isn’t that a bit… tacky? One wonders if SE is trying to make two of their most popular characters look like total scumbags. Why is Aerith, fully aware that her new friends Cloud and Tifa have feelings for each other, getting waaaaay too cozy with Cloud? And is Cloud somehow complicit in what seems to be a flagrant betrayal of both Tifa and Zack?

Of course, we know exactly who’s been gobbling it up. Convinced that Hollow is about Cloud longing to be with Aerith, they’ve wasted no time in appropriating “No Promises To Keep” as Aerith’s answer to Cloud.

The trailer does give the impression there’s something going on between those two; and, obviously, that was deliberate.

But when you take a closer look at the lyrics that are sung after the trailer, an entirely different picture emerges.

Till the day when we meet again

In our place

Just let me believe

In the church

Know that you’ll take my hand

And never let me go

Take my hand

And believe we can be

Together evermore

Did you catch that?

In OUR PLACE.

In the CHURCH.

I know that in general, theme songs aren’t meant to be interpreted line by line, but this is VERY specific.

Now unless you’ve bought into the rampant lies and delusions about Hollow, you should immediately know who Aerith is singing about. Who spent “a lot of time” with her in that church, according to the devs? Who, when he first saw her face, thought he was in heaven and called her an angel? Whom did she embrace to comfort him? To whom did she first speak the words, “I’d like to spend more time with you”, in that very same church?

(Hint: not the other guy who crashed through the roof 7 years later wearing the same sword and spent more time with Reno than with Aerith during the brief time they were there together.)

It’s not all that hard to figure out.

The ones who still refuse to see what SE has been beating us over the heads with since Chapter 8 of Remake—they’ve got it coming. They’ve already set themselves up for this. I’ve seen them comparing Cloud’s expression in Remake’s red dress reveal to this one below, where he’s supposedly lovestruck as he watches her sing.

And since now we know there will be four different Gold Saucer dates, just like OG, these are both from OPTIONAL scenes. What else is new?

The devs were obviously trolling big time with that over-the-top scene, with the red carpet and the crowd and the fireworks, and now they’re doing it again, this time on an even grander scale. Aerith is the star of the show, singing on stage, garbed in a pure white princess dress, standing amid showers of yellow flowers.

Follow the yellow flowers.

Reunion.

Till the day when we meet again…

And if Aerith is singing about how she wants to be with Zack at the Gold Saucer, moments before the infamous gondola ride that’s been trumpeted for decades as proof she fell for Cloud—or the Zack-colored version of Cloud, as most of us understand he wasn’t truly himself—then that tacky montage we saw in the trailer can’t possibly be what it appears to be.

This is new. Aerith is now not only explicitly but extravagantly shown to be still pining for her first love at this point in the story. She’s NOT moving on, even if she’s convinced herself she’s trying to. Or perhaps she’s “giving up” again, as she lamented to Cloud in the Language of Flowers scene.

So what’s really going through Aerith’s head as she’s reaching for Cloud? What are we supposed to think of her? What other developments have happened in Rebirth to lead up this point—say, for example, in Gongaga? We’ll have to wait for rest of the game to get the full context of these clips—which, again, are most likely from optional scenes—but I’m convinced they’ll be overlaid so heavily with the specter of Zack that no one with a shred of honesty could possibly conclude Cloud is being portrayed as Aerith’s true love.

What all this amounts to, basically, is more of the same fake, superficially romantic scenes we got in Remake. The bridal catch. Them being on a “date”. Wall Market sleaze calling them a couple. I absolutely hate it, but the way this is looking, Cait Sith might still have something to say this time around.

And what about Cloud? Again, the same as Remake. She pushes herself into his space, and he’s kind (or bewildered) enough to tolerate her closeness, but his face is an open book. He’s not having a good time.

Don’t forget: Crisis Core Reunion was stated to be part of the FF7 Remake project. The devs wanted everyone to play that game in order to fully appreciate what’s coming in Rebirth. And a central feature of that game was Zack and Aerith’s blossoming relationship and the tragic way it was cut short. Not only that, but Zack’s character profile for Rebirth states he’s trying to return to his “love”, Aerith. They didn’t do all this for no reason.

Remember the last scene of Remake? The first notes of Hollow play as rain falls on the cracked earth at Cloud’s feet, exactly the way Nobuo Uematsu describes his inspiration for the song. Then Zack appears, with the visual of his face interposed directly between Cloud and Aerith.

Just as in the first game, that image is going to hover over every scene with the two of them in Rebirth. Just as their “date” in Remake wasn’t about Aerith falling for Cloud but missing Zack, Aerith’s Gold Saucer date is going to have similar overtones. Their brief time together is not the love story some are bent on interpreting it as. And we shouldn’t fall for it, either.

In spite of the way they shaded her in Remake, of which booby-trapping Cloud in her house was just one instance, I’m not willing to believe SE is out to utterly destroy Aerith’s character. I don’t think most of her fans deserve that. But they do seem to be going out of their way to make a certain ship look really, really bad.

And for those who still insist on pretending, against all odds, that ship is actually going to sail? They’re in for a massive shock.

Take a moment to let this sink in. The THEME SONG for Final Fantasy Rebirth is a love song from Aerith to Zack, yearning to be reunited with him, promising him he’ll find her. And it’s performed by the amazing Loren Allred, who first dazzled us with her stunning vocals in The Greatest Showman (let’s try to forget for the moment that, most frustratingly, she sounds nothing like Aerith’s English VA and it’s futile to hope the in-game performance, if she does in fact supply Aerith’s actual singing voice, will be the least bit believable). This is more than any Zerith fan ever dreamed we’d be given. It’s positively glorious.

More than once in the past few months, it’s been confirmed that the end of the FF7R trilogy will fall in line canonically with the events of Advent Children, with Zack and Aerith in the Lifestream, “together evermore”. We have to get there somehow, to that point where they joke about “adopting” Cloud and walk off, side by side, to say their final goodbye. I can’t wait to see their reunion!

[joeliz99]

Remus Lupin- Beneath the Surface

Remus Lupin

Marauders Era

Year 1977 (Sixth Year at Hogwarts)

(Y/N) Bristol had always been a focused young woman with very few friends. While many of her peers spent their time goofing off or falling in love, she meticulously set goals for her future. That’s why working on a poison antidote essay with Remus Lupin didn’t seem like a great idea. The brown-haired boy was associated with Sirius Black, James Potter, and Peter Pettigrew, who always seemed to be in trouble or seeking attention. This group of boys disliked following rules or apologizing for their mistakes; they were simply reckless. Therefore, it was understandable that the young woman was reluctant to be paired with the sixth-year student.

However, over the course of their meetings, (Y/N) realized that Remus Lupin was much more than he appeared when surrounded by his friends. He was shy and reserved, respectful in his interactions, and incredibly intelligent. But to be fair, everyone knew that. The now-prefect of Gryffindor House was always on the list of top students in most of their subjects. She was also on that list, of course, but she often went unnoticed.

Up until now, Remus had acknowledged her existence only a few times, and he occasionally wondered how he hadn’t paid more attention to her before. (Y/N) always seemed to have answers for everything. She was prudent, serene, and genuine, truly herself. Talking to her felt like taking a breath of fresh air—an experience he could repeat over and over.

Sitting on the clock tower’s courtyard, they discussed trivial matters while adding final touches to the essay they had been working on for the past two weeks. She held a parchment and quill, while Remus had several books resting on his lap.

“So, what do you want to do after you leave Hogwarts?” The girl glanced up from her parchment when she heard the question.

“I definitely want to be a Healer. It’s been a dream of mine since I was little.”

“Can I ask why?” Remus inquired curiously, leaning back on his arms.

“My grandfather was a Healer until recently. From a young age, I saw how passionate he was about his career and how many people he helped with his knowledge. I loved sitting with him in the afternoons and hearing about his workday. I want to help as many people as he did and never forget to be empathetic or humble with my roots.” A smile appeared on Remus’s face upon hearing this, and (Y/N) mirrored his expression with a small smile of her own. “What about you?”

“Um... Honestly, I’m still not sure what I want to do when I leave here. Maybe teaching? I don’t know.” He shrugged dismissively. “I hope to have a clearer idea before we graduate.”

“I’m sure you will. Don’t worry too much about it.” The young woman responded before continuing with the next question. “How did you get all those marks on your body?”

“What?” The boy’s brow furrowed, and his body tensed immediately—a reaction that did not go unnoticed by (Y/N), who instantly regretted asking the question.

“Forget it, I shouldn’t have asked that. Let’s move on to...”

“Wait, (Y/N),” Remus interrupted. “It’s nothing. You just caught me by surprise...” His mind wandered for a few moments, trying to figure out how to answer the question while sounding truthful. “I’ve always been clumsy. My parents always had to keep an eye on me because turning away for a second meant I’d end up hurting myself. We thought it would stop when I grew up, but it didn’t.” He shrugged and avoided her gaze, knowing that if he looked her in the eye, she would know he wasn’t being entirely honest. “I got these latest ones a few days ago playing with the guys near the Whomping Willow.” He rolled up one of his sleeves to reveal several healing wounds. “But they’re healing, so that’s good.”

“You shouldn’t go near the Willow,” (Y/N) frowned, scrutinizing the young man’s arm. “It’s dangerous, and next time the results could be much worse.” Remus laughed awkwardly at this and nodded.

“I think we’ve figured that out by now…”

“Can I ask you another question?”

“Go ahead.” (Y/N) seemed to think carefully about what she was going to say, and after a few moments, she dared to speak.

“You’re very different from your friends... Before we started this project, I judged you based on everything I’d seen and heard about you, especially from Sirius and James. Why would you want to spend your time with them? Besides the fame and attention that comes with it, what else could you gain from such a friendship?” Remus sighed upon hearing this and took a moment to process what the girl had just said.

“They can be many things, but they’re still my friends... And you’re right, I’m not like them and I don’t agree with everything they do, but they’re important to me. The guys have supported me in my darkest moments when no one else could. We’re inseparable, so if one gets into trouble, the rest do too. It may sound silly, but that’s how we are, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.” He shrugged and looked at (Y/N). “When you get to know them, you realize they’re much more than they seem, just like with me. You should give them a chance; you’d get along well with them.”

“I don’t know, Remus.” (Y/N) sighed, turning her gaze back to the parchments in her hands. “What they did to Severus Snape wasn’t right. And let’s be real, I’m not much different from him. What makes you think they wouldn’t do the same to me?”

“Because I wouldn’t let something like that happen. Besides, the situation is completely different. Not that I’m defending them—never would I do that—but there’s been a rivalry between them and Severus for years.”

“I’m not sure that makes me feel any better, to be honest...” She sighed. “Let’s just forget about it and finish this, it’s getting dark.”

Remus nodded in agreement to not press the issue further, and they spent the rest of the hour solely finishing the work. The next day, both students handed in the essay to Professor Slughorn, and as class ended, they began to gather their things in silence.

“It was nice working with you.” (Y/N) broke the silence after a few seconds. “You know I’m here if you ever need me.”

Remus looked at her upon hearing this and nodded, unsure of how to respond due to the nerves overtaking him.

“Yeah, same.” He managed to articulate, and the girl smiled awkwardly, finishing gathering her things.

“See you later, Remus.” She smiled one last time and left the classroom, leaving behind a blushing and embarrassed Remus.

“You’re such an idiot.” A voice came from beside him, and when he turned his head, he found James grinning at him mockingly. “Is that how you say goodbye, my dear Moony? I thought you were more polite.”

“Shut up, James.” The brown-haired boy rolled his eyes, leaving the classroom with his friends trailing behind him and laughing at his embarrassment.

“You should ask her out without using work as the perfect excuse,” Sirius commented this time, wrapping his arm around Remus’s shoulders once he caught up with him. “She seems like a nice girl.”

“She is, and that’s exactly why I’m not asking her out.”

“Oh, come on, Remus. What’s wrong with having a date with Bristol? You should relax and enjoy yourself a bit.” James interjected again.

“Do I really need to remind you why doing that is a bad idea?” He stopped abruptly, his muscles tensing at the thought of the disastrous possibilities if he lost control near her or anyone else. “It’s a risky move, and she’s too curious... She asked me about the marks on my body yesterday, and I had to lie because I had no other option.”

“Remus, mate...” James sighed, glancing at his friends before speaking. “We’ve got it under control, okay? No one needs to find out or get hurt. We’ll keep doing things the way we have been, and that’s that. Ask her out! You’ve got nothing to lose.”

“And if you don’t like it, just don’t do it again, simple as that. If you want, we can do a group outing to make you feel more comfortable,” Peter added this time, and Sirius nodded, smiling.

“No. That’s definitely not happening.” Remus shook his head repeatedly, clutching the books he was carrying even tighter. “Just... I’ll think about it, okay? I’m not promising anything.”

“Well, that’s better than a no.” Sirius laughed, ruffling the brown-haired boy’s hair, which he swatted away with a complaint. "Don’t make us do it for you, Moony.”

“Whatever. Let’s get going. We’ll be late for Transfiguration class.” He fixed his hair back into place, and his friends laughed, following him as they greeted everyone in the hallways and raced to see who would reach the next classroom first.

The following days passed without any new events. Remus still hadn’t mustered the courage to ask (Y/N) out, so he had settled for small talk with her during Potions class or greeting her in the hallways. His friends hadn’t stopped pressuring him about it, just as they were now, seeing the Ravenclaw girl enter the Great Hall. Remus’s cheeks were red, as always when the subject came up, and his heart raced at the thought of her possible rejection. Since hitting puberty at Hogwarts, he had been accustomed to attention from girls. Not many approached him, but some did. However, he had never even considered having more than a cordial conversation with them. The reasons were endless—starting with the fear of what his nature could provoke, then the little interest he had, and of course, his shy nature. With (Y/N) it was different; being near her was appealing. Conversations flowed naturally, silences were comfortable, and neither of them felt the need to put on an act to impress the other. Even though a part of his mind kept repeating how bad an idea it was to ask her out, there was another part that urged him to take the plunge. Taking a deep breath, he stood up from the table and, ignoring his friends’ comments, walked toward the end of the Ravenclaw table where the girl was seated, already preparing a plate of food. When he arrived, he cleared his throat and put his hands in his pockets to hide his nerves, while (Y/N) turned to look at him.

“Hi...” Remus smiled shyly, trying not to pay attention to the curious eyes watching him at the Ravenclaw table.

“Remus.” (Y/N) smiled back. “How are you? Is everything okay?”

“Yes, of course.” He hurried to say, feeling his face warm up again and his stomach flutter as if hundreds of butterflies were inside him. “Listen... I was thinking that our next trip to Hogsmeade is coming up, and I was wondering if you’d like to join me for a butterbeer and a chat...”

“Oh.” (Y/N) swallowed hard at the proposition, feeling instantly nervous. Was he inviting her on a date?

“You don’t have to say yes.” Remus rushed to add, noticing her reaction. “You probably have better plans, and I don’t...”

“I do want to go.” She interrupted him to prevent him from continuing. “Sorry for reacting that way. I usually go to Hogsmeade alone, so you caught me by surprise.” She smiled faintly without breaking eye contact, even though she could feel her nerves showing.

“Well, there’s a first time for everything, right?” Remus laughed, scratching his neck, and (Y/N) nodded. “How about we meet in front of the carriages at nine in the morning, and then we can take one together? I promise it’ll just be you and me. I know the guys can be overwhelming sometimes, and we don’t want that.”

“Yeah, that sounds perfect.” (Y/N)’s smile widened a bit more.

“Great, then I’ll let you eat. See you on Friday.”

“See you on Friday... And thank you for inviting me.”

“No problem...” Remus smiled again and waved before turning and heading back to the Gryffindor table with a sense of happiness and excitement he could hardly contain. He couldn’t believe it...

He was going on a date with (Y/N) Bristol!

[the-lunatic-archives]

I cracked my eyes open slowly–the high midday sun was shining through the window and illuminating my room. According to my watch, it was just past 11:30. I guess I stayed online a lot longer than I expected to last night.

After removing the wires and tidying up my bed, I left my room in search of caffeine, or maybe some sort of painkiller. I noticed that there was a cold pot of coffee sitting on the kitchen counter, left there by my mother maybe four or five hours ago; maybe she was expecting me to be up at the normal time? I popped it into the microwave for a minute while I grabbed something out of the freezer for breakfast. A dull tension welled up between my temples. Where was that ibuprofen at, actually? It was pretty fortunate that my birthday fell on a Saturday this year; me and most of my friends got to stay up until 4 or 5 in the morning hanging out and shooting the shit without worrying about whatever the next day would entail. Out of my close contact list, only two others were already 18. They couldn’t make it to my party.

I waited until this past Friday–as late as was possible, in other words–to submit the last of my assignments and projects for school. I got to spend all of Saturday and much of the following morning chilling with my friends. For what’s left of my Sunday, since I’m pretty sure I don’t have any loose ends to take care of with my teachers, I’m probably going to keep offline for as long as I can before I have to go back in tomorrow. I figured I’d go enjoy the outdoors, and maybe pick up some ingredients to make something for Mom and I for dinner tonight. It was already noon, so she should be back from work in a few hours. I opened our front door and was immediately met with a small shipping crate; Mom does typically order the week’s groceries while at work on Sundays. After unpacking it and shooting a message to her from my watch, I threw the emptied crate over the walkway railing and watched its delivery systems kick on. In a moment, the crate started flying away, returning back to wherever it needed to go. I felt a weird sense of kinship at that moment.

“Essa?” My eyes refocused and I sat up–I had been spacing out at the park, enjoying the gentle breeze and stillness of being outdoors. One of the friends that was absent from the festivities yesterday had approached me. “Mariné?” “I’m surprised to find you out here. You haven’t been online or answering any of our messages! It’s unusual.” She bent down and sat on her heels to match my eye level. “Happy birthday,” she said. “Sorry I couldn’t make it.” “Nah, it’s okay,” I said. “I know your work keeps you busy. Won’t be too long now before I’m in the same boat as you.” I reclined back so I could resume staring at the sky, framed on all sides by buildings and punctuated by streams of air traffic. On the far side of the sky, the rest of the world twinkled in the darkness. “Is this how you’ve been spending your last day as a free man?” “I figured I would, while I still could.” “Since when did you have an appreciation for the outdoors?” I sat there, for a moment, before I could really think of anything to respond with. “Just now, I guess.” It’s true that I’ve basically spent my entire childhood within the Aethernet–pretty much everyone does. “What about you? How did you manage to get out here?” “I actually finished my last job early, so I’m giving myself a free day before I start on my next couple of projects. I was expecting to find you on the ‘net so I could surprise you, but I guess I ended up being the one that was surprised.” She smiled. “I don’t think I’ve seen you out here since we were kids. Mind if I sit with you?” I checked my watch and whistled. “Actually, I think I’d better get a move on, my mom should be returning from work soon. Let’s walk together, instead.”

Since Mariné and I would generally talk via direct messages every other day or so, it’s not like there was a lot for us to catch up on, other than my birthday party. We hit up a corner store for some meat and veggies and got on the train back to my place, chatting about life, work, school, and so on. It was just after 3:00 when we got back, and sure enough, we heard the sounds of my mother’s bed releasing her from stasis in short order. She stumbled out into the kitchen and yawned. “Hey, kiddo,” she said, scratching herself. “Mariné, good to see you.” “How was work,” I asked, before getting up to help her with sorting through the day’s deliveries. “You see Dad today?” “No, I didn’t,” she said, brewing her second pot of coffee for today. “Your father’s been too busy working with the engineers to come on down to R&D, both in there and out here.” She furrowed her brow imperceptibly as she unpacked her things. “Told him about your birthday, and he said to give you this card. You weren’t online to receive it when I got off work, though?” “I’ve been outside, actually.” She raised an eyebrow. “No shit? Well, might as well indulge while you’ve still got the free time.” She turned her head to the fridge, but kept looking at me with a side-eye sort of look. “Speaking of indulgence…” “Yeah, I went out and bought some fresh meat and veggies. Mariné agreed to help me make something for the three of us. For my birthday.” Mariné stuck her head out from behind the corner towards the living room. “I know a thing or two about cooking with this stuff thanks to the jobs I’ve been taking, so you’re free to relax out here while we take care of it.” “She’s only in it for the free food,” I said, to which my mother chuckled. “Hey, if I don’t gotta do anything, you can do whatever you want. Have fun,” she sang, before sauntering off back towards her bed, with a replacement liquid food bag in tow. “Message me when it’s good to go, would you?”

Mariné sliced the meat thinly, glazing it in a sauce she mixed up, while I peeled potatoes and carrots. A pot of rice was steaming on the stove, and we had a skillet on standby. “You know, you haven’t told me what you intend to do when you start Diving,” she said, without taking her eyes off her work. “I, uh, haven’t thought that far, to be honest. I’ve been trying not to think about it.” “If you wanna make back your monthly credit that’s going away tomorrow, you have to take at least one good job every couple of weeks,” she said sternly. “You’ll also never reach fourth class if you don’t perform in said job well.” Mariné took to being a Diver as naturally as a diver would take to the sea. Within six months, she was promoted to Class 7, and thus has a fairly significant presence in and around the Aethersphere. Despite this, she remains her cool, humble self… “I figured I’d just log in tomorrow and see what’s available.” “Essa…” “You think I could find a job doing just this? Cooking food for people?” “Maybe not exactly like this, no.” She set her glazing brush down. “When I turned 18, my jobs starting out were pretty much always debugging peoples’ pets, or cleaning up their home computers, or remotely operating grills and fryers for fast-food joints.” She took a deep breath and exhaled just as deeply. “Nowadays, I get the Aether Corporation commissioning me directly for all sorts of things. It’s good pay, but I basically don’t get days off anymore.” “And you’re choosing to spend one with me? That’s really sweet of you,” I said, earnestly, but in a teasing tone anyway. “Well… yeah. Kody and I have been waiting for all of you guys to catch up to us. He’s still somewhere out there in the Aethernet, been gone on a job for about the past 2 months now, I think. He would’ve come to your party, too.” Mariné whipped around and turned on the flame below the skillet, adding a dash of oil and some indeterminate blend of seasonings. “I still wish I managed to attend, but I think this makes up for it,” she said, as she tossed the glazed pork strips into the oil. “You and I both will have jobs to do tomorrow, online. I’m glad we could share this moment here tonight.” She looked at me, and smiled again. “Go ahead and ask your mom to log out here in a minute, yeah?”

Mariné left for home once we had all eaten and cleaned up, and Mom returned to the Aethernet right after. Determined to ride out the rest of my Sunday in the real world, I laid in bed, listening to the subtle droning of the cars and parcels outside. Starting tomorrow, I, like every other adult in this ensconced little world of ours, would become an Aethernet Diver, and be forced to earn my living and keep here. My watch buzzed periodically as I stared at the ceiling–messages from my friends and family were piling up in my inbox that I would save for tomorrow. Some wretched mixture of excitement, anxiety, wonder, dread, hope, and fear washed over me all at once. I laid there, clutching my connective headgear to my chest. And after what felt like ages, without warning, I fell asleep.

[sequinsmile-x]

Waiting Room - Chapter 4

Everything had changed so quickly, her life torn out from under her in a matter of seconds, the trajectory of what it would look like going forward permanently altered. 

Emily's life changes forever when her parents are killed. Aaron just needs a job after his marriage breaks down and he answers an ad for a private security guard. If only the young woman he'd been hired to look after wasn't entirely resistant to his presence.

A Young Hotchniss AU

-x-

Hi friends!!

I am genuinely blown away by the reaction to this fic - thank you so so much!! I really hope you like this chapter, and as always please let me know what you think!

Final chapter will be up in the next day or so!

-x-

Warnings: Full list of warnings on the Master List

Words: 3k

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

“I’m bored.” 

Aaron smiles as he looks at her across the table, raising his eyebrow at her, “We’ve been here 20 minutes. And you’re the one who wanted to come here to study.” 

She groans, leaning back in her chair, “Because I thought if I spent any more time in the home office I’d go insane,” she scrunches her nose up, “The security cam feeds annoy me.” 

His smile only gets wider, her distaste for the security cameras, and the televisions set up in the office that had once been her father's, something she had made very clear, “Really? You never mentioned it.” 

She glares at him playfully and shakes her head, her eyes drifting back down to her books in front of her, “Careful, otherwise I might get too into all of this studying and not have any time for personal fun later.” 

He smirks, “Please sweetheart, you’re incorrigible,” he says, leaning in closer his hand just skimming past hers, a satisfied smile flitting across his face as she shivers from the barely their touch, “You enjoy the personal fun just as much as I do.” 

She laughs and shakes her head, her mouth open to respond, but she’s stopped, frozen in place as her eyes meet familiar ones across the library, icy blue and stark. 

Eyes that had haunted her for years. 

Everything disappears. The smell of Aaron’s cologne and the old books on the table between them is replaced with gunfire and the metallic scent of blood. She clenches her fists, hoping that the feel of her nails digging into her palms will bring her back to herself, but it doesn’t. She goes numb, fear spreading through her blood like ice, freezing her from the inside out. 

“Em?” 

She jumps as Aaron touches her hand, pulling her back to herself, forcing a shuddering breath from her lungs. She blinks, and the man is gone, disappearing behind the other people walking around the library. It’s overwhelming, everything loud as her senses kick back in, her chest full of fear, making it hard to breathe. 

“We need to go.” She breathes out, standing up, her hands shaking as she gathers her books and laptop. 

Any concern that Aaron may have had when he saw her freeze, a type of fear in her eyes he’d only seen once when she’d woken up from a nightmare on the night that changed their relationship forever, increases when he sees how panicked she is. He stands up and stops her frantic movements, his hands on her shoulders as he forces her to look at him. 

“What’s going on?” He asks, cupping her cheek, his thumb delicate against her skin. She swallows thickly and bites her lip, looking around to see if anyone is watching them and she shakes her head. 

“Can we please just go?” She asks desperately, a tension in her voice he doesn’t think he’s ever heard before, “I’ll tell you in the car.” 

He fights against all his instincts as he nods, briefly looking around them as he tries to figure out what she’s seen, “Okay,” he says, smiling softly at her as he leans forward and kisses her forehead, “I’ll pack this up for you.” 

She flashes him a smile and steps closer to him, not wanting any space between them as he finishes packing up her bag for her. She’s grateful that he moves quickly, swinging her bag over his shoulder as he leads her out of the library, crowding her against his side, the tension in her body still evident. 

She’s in the car the second he unlocks it, sinking into the passenger seat as she tries to breathe, her hand pressed firmly against her sternum as she tries to calm herself down, her eyes screwed closed. She doesn’t even hear the door open as Aaron climbs in, only aware he’s joined her when he places his hand on her thigh, the familiar weight of his palm enough to calm her just a little. 

“I saw him in the library,” she says, clearing her throat as her voice shakes.

“Who?” He asks, squeezing her leg, “Who did you see?” 

She opens her eyes and looks at him, grateful when he doesn’t acknowledge the tear that slips down her cheek.

“The man who killed my parents.” 

___

Aaron calls Derek the moment they make it back to the house. 

Emily is on edge, her thumbnail in between her teeth when Derek arrives to talk to them. His familiarity with Aaron makes her curious as Aaron leads them all to the living room. 

“I had the tech team look at CCTV from the library, and cross-matched it with images from the night your parents were killed,” Derek says as he sits down opposite them, his eyes fixed on how Emily grabs Aaron’s hand, something she does without thinking. He pulls a picture out of his pocket and slips it over the coffee table between them, and her eyes go wide, “We believe this is the man you saw in the library today?”

Emily nods, her heart in her stomach as she stares at the photo, “Yes, that’s him.” 

“This name is Ian Doyle,” Derek says, and she looks back up at him, furrowing her brows as he carries on explaining, as if he hadn’t just given her the name of the man who had haunted her dreams for years, “He’s a mid-level dealer in illegal weapons,” Derek looks back and forth between Emily and Aaron, “Our conclusion right now is that your parents were targeted because of their stance on tightening gun laws.” 

“There were two men there that night,” Emily says, biting the inside of her cheek, “What about the other guy?”

“He was likely one of Doyle’s men,” Derek answers, “He rarely works alone.” 

Aaron glances at Emily, his heart aching at the look on her face, the devastation painted across her features as if her old wounds had just been torn open, a cavity in her abdomen as she struggled to breathe. 

“How did no one ever put it together before?” Aaron asks, looking over at Derek, his thumb skating back and forth over the heel of Emily’s hand, “And what about the flowers?” 

“I’ve checked his file,” Derek says, shrugging, “He’s got a flair for the dramatic, likes to taunt victims and family members,” he sighs, “And nothing sticks to this guy. Officially, according to records, he wasn’t even in the country when your parents were shot,” he looks at Aaron, “It’s helpful to have had the head start from when you called a few weeks ago, it means we could get ahead of this.” 

Aaron’s breath catches in his throat as Emily tenses next to him, her gaze burning into the side of his face as she turns to look at him. He clears his throat and stands up, offering his hand out to Derek, “Thank you for coming to explain everything, Derek, I’ll call if anything else happens.” 

Derek narrows his eyes curiously at the sudden change in atmosphere, his friend’s clear attempt to get rid of him quickly, but then he sees the look on Emily’s face, the barely contained fury, and he stands up, shaking Aaron’s hand. 

“I’ll check in tomorrow,” he says, smiling tightly at his friend before he leaves the sound of the front door closing a few seconds later echoes throughout the house. 

Aaron stands still, his back to Emily, as the silence around them becomes suffocating. It’s only a few seconds before she speaks, but it feels like a lifetime.

“What did he mean when he said you called a few weeks ago?” 

He turns to look at her and he sighs at the look on her face, her eyes hard in a way they hadn’t been since they first met. He steps towards her, ready to sit next to her again, but she stands up, her arms crossed over her chest as she puts space between them. 

“I…” he drifts off, clearing his throat as he tries to gather himself, still blown away by her ability to fluster him in a way no one else had ever been able to do so before, “I asked him to look into your parent’s case a few weeks ago,” he says, clenching his hands at his sides so he doesn’t reach out for her, something he’s sure will make this worse, “I was just trying to help.” 

“I didn’t ask for your help,” she says, not fully understanding the anger burning her from the inside out, the betrayal making her skin itch, “This has nothing to do with you.” 

“Nothing to do with me…” he says, scoffing as he trails off, shaking his head as he steps closer, “Emily, you’re stuck in place. Frozen. You told me yourself you feel like you’re still in that goddamn alley. I was trying to help as your-”

“As my what?” She asks, cutting him off fiercely, “My fuck buddy? My employee? The guy who was hired to stop this exact thing from happening.” 

He feels fury bubbling in his stomach at how she degrades whatever it was they had between them, “Don’t do that. It’s more than that, and you know it.” 

She shakes her head at him, stepping closer and pointing at him, her finger so close it comes into contact with his chest, “You don’t get to make these decisions for me,” she says, clenching her teeth, “I’ve spent my whole life having people make decisions for me,” she scoffs and shakes her head, “Dave even hired you without talking to me,” she presses her lips together and shakes her head, “I trusted you.” 

She leaves before he can say anything else, running up the stairs to her bedroom, ignoring him as he calls after her. She locks her bedroom door behind her, hoping he’ll take it as a hint to leave her alone. She sits on the edge of the bed and leans forward, her elbows on her knees as she blows out a breath, painful as it shudders out of her chest. 

“Damn it,” she mutters to herself, wiping tears from her cheeks as she shakes her head. Everything had gone south so quickly, her life once again torn out from under her just as she was back on even footing. 

She sits there until the sun sets, listening as Aaron walks around the house, finally heading into a room she knows is the home office, the squeak of the door an immediate giveaway. She gets changed for bed, her pjyamas and everything smelling like Aaron, the scent of him seemingly imprinted on everything. 

She hugs the pillow that had become his to her chest, burying her face in it, hoping it can trick her brain into letting her relax enough to sleep, something she hadn’t done without him by her side since that first night. 

___

She wakes up to the sound of a gunshot. 

At first, she thinks she’s dreaming, that she was on the tail-end of a nightmare she’d had so many times it had almost become comforting, an old friend she wasn’t sure what she’d do without. 

She hadn’t slept well. She was frustratingly used to Aaron sleeping next to her, to his warm and heavy arm over her as he curled behind her, his broad chest to her back. He’d made her feel safe for the first time in years and it had nothing to do with what he’d been hired for. She was still angry at him, furious about what felt like a violation of her trust, but she also knew he was a good man. He’d proven himself time and time again in the time she’d known him. 

Anything he did, however misguided, she knew he did it for her. 

She’s thinking about seeking him out. About going to his room, sneaking into bed next to him and falling back asleep. She could figure out the rest in the morning, think about what to say to him, how to move forward with this complicated thing they’d built around themselves.

She hears a crash down the hall, the sound of glass hitting the ground, forcing her to sit up in bed. 

She thinks of the gunshot again, how it had sounded different to normal. The usual echo as it reverberated around the alley missing, the grunt of her father as he was hit - the last sound he ever made. 

She hadn’t been dreaming. Someone was in the house. 

She scrambles out of bed, any last remnants of sleep immediately pushed away. She all but stumbles to the door and she stops, giving herself a moment to breathe in, to try and calm herself so she can stay as quiet as possible. 

Her hand doesn’t shake as she reaches for the door handle, a sense of determination she hadn’t felt in years sparking under her skin, the feeling of irritation that someone was doing this, that they were still doing this to her, overtaking any fear. She slips out of her room and keeps close to the wall in the hallway, grateful for once that her parents had chosen solid dark colours throughout the house, creating shadows that were her friends for once, not her captors.

She presses herself against the wall tightly when she hears footsteps receding, getting quieter as they move away. They weren’t Aaron’s familiar ones and fear climbs up her throat again before she swallows it back down.

She needed to make it to Aaron’s room. 

She doesn’t make it there. 

She covers her mouth to smother a gasp as she turns the corner, the sight of Aaron crumpled on the ground in front of the home office making her freeze in place. He was clutching his side, the blood on the floor next to him visible even in the low light. She walks over as quickly as she can without making much noise, settling on the ground next to him, her hand gentle on his cheek. She’s grateful when she can see he’s breathing, albeit laboured, and she smiles shakily at him when he looks at her. 

“He’s here,” he says, his voice ragged, rough as he tries to hide how much pain he’s in, his breath catching in his chest, his entire body on fire. “I saw him on the cameras,” he says, an apology edging into his voice and she shakes her head, shushing him, “I tried to-”

“It’s okay,” she says, smiling in a way she hopes is reassuring, “Can you stand up?”

He shakes his head, and he barely hides a grunt as he reaches for his gun, pressing it into her hand, “I told him your room is on the other side of the house I bought you some time but not much. You have to go.” 

She frowns, furrowing her brow together as she shakes her head, “No, I can’t leave you here.” 

He places his hand over hers on his cheek, squeezing tightly, “You have to. I can’t move, or at least not in a way that wouldn’t slow you down-”

“Aaron-”

“Go,” he says firmly, his hand tight around hers, “The police are on the way, I tripped the silent alarm. Just get out of here, sweetheart. And take the gun,” he offers her a half smile, “Good thing I taught you how to shoot.” 

She hates it. She doesn’t want to leave him here, not when he was hurt, his blood sticky on the ground beneath her knees, glueing her pyjama pants to her skin. She’s going to argue with him again, tell him they can get him out, that she’d carry him down the damn stairs if she had to, but then she hears a noise down the hall and he squeezes her hand tightly, with more strength that she thought he’d have, and she knows she has to go. She looks at him, her lips pressed together as everything she’d spent months not knowing how to say lodges itself in her chest. For a moment she almost says it, almost lets the three words she’d been denying were true for weeks free, but she stops herself. 

She’d tell him later. When they were both safe. 

She leans forward and stamps a fierce kiss against his lips, smiling tightly when she pulls back just enough to rest her forehead against his, “Don’t die on me. I’d be really pissed.” 

He huffs out a chuckle and it hurts, makes his entire body seize as she shushes him. He nods, “I’ll do my best,” he says, not wanting to make a promise he can’t keep. He smiles at her, leaning forward to stamp a kiss against her lips so he stops himself from saying he loves her, knowing now wasn’t the time, and then he pulls back, “Go.” 

She nods and she stands up, her grasp tight on the gun he’d pressed into her hand as she walks away as quietly as she can. He nods at her when she looks back, a look on his face that he hopes is reassuring before she disappears from view. 

The house is quiet as he sits there, his palm sticky with his own blood as every breath feels like a knife to his chest. A repeated blow that taunted him, stole the breath from his lungs. All he can hear is his own laboured breathing, his attempts to hear anything else failing. 

He starts to feel sleepy, his eyes drifting shut as the edges of his vision start to blur, his head fuzzy as he fails to shake it off. He’s about to give in, the pull of sleep too strong to ignore, but then he’s pulled out of it by a single gunshot that rings throughout the house. 

-x-

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[jerzwriter]

Hot Idea

Book:              Open Heart (Post Series)

Pairing:           Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Kaycee MacClennan)

Rating:            Teen

Words: 990

Summary: Ethan & Kaycee are poolside on one of the hottest days in Boston's history; Ethan's eager to go inside until Kaycee mentions wedding planning. Then, there's a brilliant idea.

A/N: This is loosely based on an old ask from @potionsprefect. I think this took place just days after Kaycee got her official engagement ring in As Planned. And look at me keeping it under 1,000 words!

It was sweltering outside. One of the hottest days in Boston’s history, bound to break all records. Ethan removed his sunglasses, or maybe they slid off; he was undoubtedly sweating enough for that. After a long chug of ice water, he rolled over on his lounger to address his fiancee.

“If there is a god, she intended for days like this to be spent one way… and one way alone.”

Despite the heat, Kaycee couldn’t help but grin. “If and she. There is a reason I said yes to you, Ethan.”

“And that’s what it is,” he smirked. “I assumed one of my many other talents made you arrive at that decision.”

“It was a million little reasons. But tell me, how did the possible goddess intend for us mere mortals to spend days like this?”

“Indoors,” he deadpanned. “Where it’s air-conditioned.”

“Poolside isn’t good enough for you?” She teased.

“Before dating you, I didn’t know my condo had a pool. Does that answer your question?”

“Well, it is boiling,” she agreed. “And it’s our only day off this week; we probably should go inside and start discussing wedding plans.”

“You know,” Ethan said, reclining in his chair. “If we drink more water, it’s entirely bearable out here.”

Kaycee reached for her glass of ice water and playfully tossed it atop Ethan’s bare chest.

“HEY!” He hollered.

“What? If ingesting the water will keep you cool… and away from discussing wedding plans… I figured external application would merely assist you.”

“You realize I have a glass right next to me, and I’m not above retaliation.”

Reaching over, Kaycee stole his glass and chugged the water in its entirety. “There! Now, that threat is eliminated.”

“But there is still ice,” Ethan winked. “And you know our history with ice.”

“Mmm,” she hummed. “Nice attempt at deflection… but I’m not letting you off the hook. Why are you so unwilling to discuss wedding plans with me? If I hadn’t received two beautiful proposals, I’d think you had cold feet.”

 “It’s not you,” he sighed. “Or the marriage. I’d head down to City Hall today and make it legal. It’s… the wedding…”

“I know,” Kaycee sighed, slumping back into her chair. “I’m not all jazzed about that part either.”

“Wait,” Ethan exclaimed. “You’re not? I assumed you’d want a big, fancy thing with all the trimmings.”

“Have I ever alluded to that?”

“No,” Ethan agreed. “But you went on and on about how you liked Reynaldo’s wedding in the City.”

“I did. For Reynaldo, but it’s just not… me.”

“Your mother would kill us if we eloped,” Ethan stated.

“Without question,” Kaycee laughed. “My Mom is part of the problem. I know she means well, but she’s Italian. She can’t help herself. A wedding means a church, hundreds of distant cousins I never knew I had, and a dress that would make Cinderella look understated.”

“Hundreds?” Ethan moaned.

“Don’t worry,” Kaycee smiled, gripping his hand. “We aren’t doing any of that. But… I have to the talk I’ve been avoiding with my mother.”

Ethan removed his glasses and looked at her sincerely. “Kaycee, what do you want?”

Kaycee closed her eyes, a slow smile spreading on her face. “I want a pretty dress, but nothing fussy. I want our closest friends and family there, but no one else. Good food, drinks, music, and laughter are musts, and at the end of the day, I better be married to you. But outside of that… I don’t care.”  

“Well, I approve of that,” he beamed. “So, how do we go about doing this?”

“I’ll talk to Mom. She’ll come around… eventually… with my father’s help,” Kaycee sighed. “Her heart’s in the right place, but. I wish I could avoid the headaches. Maybe we should plan a surprise wedding,” she laughed.

Ethan’s eyes went wide. “Kaycee! You’re brilliant!”

“I am?” she asked. “I mean, I am... but why now?”

“That’s a perfect idea! We plan the wedding… something simple to our liking. Then, we invite everyone to our ‘engagement party,’ and when they show up… SURPRISE! We’re getting married!”

“Wait… are you serious?”

“I’ll admit it’s unorthodox, but….”

“But I freaking love it!” Kaycee gushed.  

She jumped on Ethan’s lap before he knew what hit him. Peppering him with dozens of little kisses, the remnants of her pink lip gloss leaving slight kiss marks all over his face.

“Would you stop,” he chuckled. “We’re in public!”

“Ethan Jonah Ramsey! We have done far worse in public, and you know it! Do you really think we can do this?

“We can do whatever we want,” he assured. “I just have one request.”

“What’s that?”

“I want it to be soon. I’ve never seen the point in long engagements, and if we aren’t going to have a gala to prepare for, I see no need to delay.”

“Ethan Ramsey rushing to the alter,” she giggled. “Who could have predicted this?”

“OK, wiseass,” he smiled. “Stay on topic! Where should we have this? Mistral has a private room; we could look into that.”

“As much as I love Mistral, that is a little stuffier than I envision.”

“OK!” He snapped his fingers. “La Famiglia in North End, it’s one of your favorite places. It’s Italian, so your mother will be somewhat happy… it’s perfect!”

“It could be,” she pondered. “But I was thinking…Oh my God!” she gasped.

“What?”

“Our vacation! The house rental on the Cape!”

“We could do it there!” Ethan enthused.

“It’s perfect! Do you agree?”

“I agree… there’s only one problem.”

“What’s that?”

“Kaycee, it’s three weeks away.”

“So we better get moving,” she said, jumping from her chair. Let’s get into that air conditioning you were talking about. We have a wedding to plan.”

“You know,” he grinned as they walked toward the elevator. “This was all part of my master plan to get you inside.”

“Ethan?”

“Yes.”

“Hush.”

“Ah, it’s like we’re married already.”

Tagging separately.

[hairstevington]

Stranger Therapy - part 5 (epilogue)

Eddie Munson x Steve Harrington

Summary: Eddie and Steve start officially dating after some very weird beginnings (read the rest here or on Ao3)

Word count: 1.7K (keeping it short and sweet this time)

Warnings: Steve's dad is a dick, very cute fluffy shit, domestic af, mentions of sex ig, you guys get the style by now lol

A/N: Well, you guys. This has been so fun. Thank you to everyone who read and enjoyed this fic, I've been so blown away by the response!! Please stick around if you like my writing. All my WIP's are coming to a close so I'll be focusing on requests soon <3

The boys were interrupted when Steve’s phone started buzzing in his pocket. 

“Ignore it,” Eddie muttered into Steve’s lips.

“I - I can’t,” Steve sighed, fumbling around his pocket to grab his phone. “Could be Robin or something.” Eddie groaned dramatically and pulled away, only to see a weird expression on Steve’s face.

“Who is it?” Eddie asked. 

“It’s, uh - It’s Dr. Bauman,” Steve replied. He answered the call and put it on speaker phone. “Hello?”

“Hello, boys,” Murray announced, somehow knowing they were still together. “Do me a favor and look to your right. No, your other right. Yup, now you see those windows? Third from the left, my friends.”

Eddie and Steve squinted as they made sense of Murray’s instructions. It wasn’t until they noticed familiar curtains and an even more familiar man through the glass. 

“Oh, shit,” Steve said. Murray waved through the window with a bright, taunting smile. 

“Yeah, oh shit,” he repeated. “I think our work together is done.”

Eddie and Steve looked at each other apologetically. Sure, Eddie had initiated the kiss, but Steve certainly hadn’t done anything to stop it. 

They really were idiots, weren’t they?

“Doc, are you breaking up with us?” Eddie asked. He tried to keep his usual teasing up, but his voice was far more resigned than usual. 

“Listen,” Murray said over the phone. “You’re good people, and I’m glad you finally figured it all out. Mazel Tov. Enjoy your budding relationship, and I’d encourage you to continue going to counseling if you still wish to work on things. Individual counseling.”

“Right,” Steve said, clicking his tongue. “You don’t happen to have any recommendations, do you?” Eddie looked at Steve, eyebrows raised in amusement. 

“Really?” he whispered. Steve looked back and shrugged.

“I can email you a list,” Murray responded. “And boys?”

“Yeah?” they responded.

“If, years down the line, you both want to actually do couple’s counseling…” Steve and Eddie smiled, relieved they didn’t burn a bridge entirely. “Please, don’t contact me.”

Their smiles fell as the call disconnected. When they looked back at the window, the curtains were drawn closed. 

“So,” Steve said with a sigh.

“So,” Eddie echoed. “I guess since we lost Dr. Bauman…”

“We may as well do this for real,” Steve finished. He leaned in to kiss Eddie again, but stopped when he remembered where they were. He glanced back at Murray’s window to see the curtains were still closed, but pulled away from Eddie anyway. Eddie smirked, understanding completely what was going through Steve’s head because - obviously.

“Your place or mine?” he asked.

-

They ended up going to Eddie’s apartment, and one can imagine what happened after that.

They spent the rest of the day together, updating Robin on their shenanigans through quite possibly the most chaotic phone call of all time. She was in tears laughing by the end of it, and Eddie thought it was cute how Steve was joining in this time. The man was so cute when he laughed like that. There was something to be said about someone feeling completely free enough to lose their shit in front of someone else.

By the time Steve left, he realized they’d kind of forgotten to do something important.

Steve: We never actually planned our first official date!!

Eddie: Was that not it?

Steve: Dude no??? Where’s your sense of romance?

Eddie: Idk it left my brain around the time you took my pants off

Steve: aldksfjoaisd

Eddie: ;)

Eddie: ok so our first date. I’m thinking fake proposal flash mob

Steve: hahahaha very funny

Eddie: fake wedding cake tasting?

Steve: Come onnn

Eddie: or we could just fake elope in vegas

Steve: At least let me fake propose to you first

Eddie: flash mob it is! Better pick a good song or I won’t fake say yes

They went mini-golfing.

-

And then, they were dating. It was a lot easier than most other experiences Steve and Eddie had in the past. They’d already moved past the awkward initial phases of getting to know each other in surprising ways. Like, Eddie knew all about Steve’s teenage bisexuality crisis, but learned on their first date that Steve and Robin spent a summer learning basic phrases in Russian. When Eddie asked why, Steve shrugged and said, “you never know when you need something until you do.”

It was a vaguely ominous comment, but then again - Eddie had spent a few summers doing equally weird things, so he didn’t care too much. People thought he was this crazy satanist in high school for a reason, after all. 

They were all over each other from the start, but things got even more intense when Eddie met Steve’s father. 

He’d shown up at 6pm one night with heavy knocking on the door. Eddie and Steve were cooking dinner together when they heard it. Steve told Eddie to hold the fort while he tended to whatever visitor he was getting. He figured it was some angry delivery driver or Robin had locked herself out again or maybe even Dustin stopping by to tell Steve about some new video game he was excited for. 

Instead, it was Mr. Harrington in the flesh. And he looked incredibly unhappy - although, that was kind of just how he looked in general. 

“Dad?” Steve asked, confused. “What are you doing here?”

Steve’s dad held up a bill and shoved it in his son’s hands. Steve read it over and saw it - 

Four charges to Dr. Bauman for Psychotherapy, billed to the Harrington’s insurance. 

Oh, shit.

“Why am I paying for you to see a shrink?” he asked, using the condescending tone of voice Steve had hated ever since he was a kid. As if going to therapy was this crazy thing. As if his dad didn’t need it even more than he did.

“I - uhhhh…” Steve’s mind was blank. He’d found out through years of trial and error that there wasn’t really a way to win an argument with his dad. “I can pay for it, if you want. And I’m not going anymore, so you won’t get any more charges.” 

“Yeah, you’re paying for it,” Mr. Harrington demanded as he pushed his way past Steve and into the apartment. God, he’s such a royal asshole.

“You know, I was planning on paying for it anyway, even though you’re a millionaire and I live paycheck to paycheck, but sure. Be a dick about it.” 

Steve blushed immediately. Oh shit, I just called my father a dick. To his face. I’m so screwed.

“What did you just call me?” Steve could see the steam coming out of his dad’s ears. He hadn’t been this mad since -

“Hello, you must be the infamous Mr. Harrington,” Eddie said as he joined them in the living room. He stuck his hand out, then thought better of it and wiped it on his pants first. “Sorry, my hands are a bit wet. Was chopping up some peppers so I just washed them.”

This was a very bold move on Eddie’s part, and yet he was completely fearless about it. 

“Who are you?” Steve’s dad asked, the red in his face paling just a bit as he settled on confusion. 

“I’m Steve’s boyfriend. Eddie. Nice to meet you, sir.” Eddie kept his hand held out until Mr. Harrington shook it out of sheer awkwardness. It was clear Eddie was not one to back down. 

Oh, also - they hadn’t officially labeled themselves as boyfriends yet. They totally were, obviously, they just hadn’t had the confirmation yet. 

Well, no time like the present?

“Boyfriend?” Steve’s dad questioned, his anger returning. “Oh, well I - I didn’t know you had one of those.” Eddie snickered at the choice of words. One of those. Jesus Christ, this guy sucks.

Mr. Harrington was a lot of things, but at least he wasn’t homophobic. Well, not outwardly. The bisexuality thing was a lot for him to get used to, but it was 2023 - being against gay people just made him look like a dick, and Mr. Harrington had a reputation to keep. 

“Yep,” Steve confirmed. “Eddie is my boyfriend.” He turned to Eddie and shared a look, communicating that yeah - they’d both just decided to be official in front of Steve’s dad. 

Pretty on brand for them, considering the way their relationship began in the first place. 

Mr. Harrington left after Steve promised to pay him back for the counseling sessions. 

“Damn,” Steve muttered once he left. 

“Yeah,” Eddie replied, rubbing the small of Steve’s back. “You okay?” 

“Yeah,” Steve said, still staring at the door. He shook his head. His dad and all that other bullshit was in the past, and this - what he had with Eddie, was what he needed to focus on. 

“Well, Steve,” Eddie said with a sigh. “I think we gotta get you on your own insurance.”

-

Things continued to go well, and three months later, they had another big conversation. 

“What do you want to do for your birthday?” Steve asked. 

“I dunno,” Eddie replied with a shrug. “I don’t usually do much for my birthday.”

“Yeah, well Robin loves birthdays, and she keeps telling me I need to plan something. What if we did laser tag or something?” 

Eddie’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head as he turned to Steve with excitement.

“Watch out, you’re gonna make me fall in love with you,” Eddie said.

“Wait, you don’t love me yet?” Steve teased, tousling Eddie’s hair playfully.

“You wish,” Eddie joked back. “Steve, are you trying to tell me you’re in love with me?”

“Absolutely not,” Steve replied. “Not even a little bit.” They smirked at each other.

“But I’ve shown you my heart and soul in therapy,” Eddie continued, flashing his puppy-dog eyes.

“We both did that,” Steve countered.

“But I wrote you a song??” Eddie argued. It was true - Eddie had done that. It was extremely sexual, mostly, but in an endearing and sweet way.

“Oh my god,” Steve said, as if he had just realized something. “You totally do love me, don’t you?” 

Eddie’s grin fell from his face as his skin went pale. 

“So, anyway, laser tag sounds perfect,” he replied, effectively ending the conversation.

“I’m onto you, Munson,” Steve noted, putting an arm around Eddie’s waist as they walked into the coffee shop that had now become their usual.

Because yeah - they were in love, and they both knew it - but neither of them would reveal that fact until they came across another perfectly weird moment.

They were due for one any day now.

----------------------

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[kiliinstinct]

Chapter 25:

Rating: R Pairing: Nalu FF.Net || AO3 [Ch: 1] ||| [Prev] | [Next] Happy First Update for 2024! Please remember to give thanks to @phoenix-before-the-flame for being my beta. Hope you all enjoy this chapter! Next Update: Jan 24th February Post Dates: 12th and 26th

”Youuu're distracted 'bout somethiiing,“ Cana sang , playfully dropping most of her weight on Lucy's shoulder as she stared blankly into her soup bowl. 

Grunting, Lucy struggled to support the added weight before nudging the bowl across the table; to prevent her bangs from enjoying an unfortunate dip in the heated dish. ”Am not.“

Playfully poking Lucy’s side with her elbow, she replied, ”Could’ve fooled me. Makin’ me worry the food isn’t good with how long you’ve been staring at it,” She snorted in amusement and gave another jab. “You didn’t even notice when I sat down.“ 

Lucy jolted up, knocking their heads together in the rush, ” Ow! Geez, calm down! I was exaggerating.“

”How long was I staring into space?“ Lucy asked, taking stock of the mess hall in consternation. It certainly was more active than she recalled. She bit her lip. Hopefully no one else took note of her obvious distraction.

”I dunno, “ Cana pondered. A familiar smirk toyed at the edge of her lips. “I’d say more like fifty-”

Her shocked groan gave way to the fortune teller cackling, ”That's not an exaggeration, that's an overstatement!“

”Relax, relax,“ Cana mollified, sliding off Lucy’s side to lazily produce a card, held deftly between her fingers. Lucy hadn’t realized she’d taken out the pack, ”I know you didn't mean to ignore your good buddy, so I'm gonna to give you a tiny reading to make up for the teasing.“ She winked, “On the house, of course.”

”Who said I wanted a-,“ Lucy's eyes squinted at the card, baffled when Cana flipped it in her fingers and away from her curious gaze, ”Wait, I didn't see which one it was-“

”You're not the one reading it: I am.“

”But that-“

”Ts-ts-tsh!“ She shushed, covering Lucy's mouth with a finger, ”No complaints. It’s rude to complain about free things. Just eat your food and I'll figure out the rest.“

When the fortune teller began to shuffle her deck with no further prompting or explanation, Lucy pulled her bowl back, pouting as the steam rolled into her face. It was a marvel that her meal was still so hot despite how long it sat while lost in thought. Perhaps it was whatever magic was used to heat it in the first place.

But those thoughts led her right back to square one: Natsu. Cana was right on target when she called Lucy distracted, but explaining what had her out of sorts was an entirely different matter. She didn't know where to begin sifting through the confusing tangle of emotions she was feeling.

What was her priority now? She couldn’t tell.

Taking the first spoonful, she began to mull it over again. Her guilt still plagued her, forever at the back of her mind, twisting her stomach into nauseating knots when she was alone. But Natsu's injuries held her fast and Porly's cutting words stayed cemented in her head. Most of all, was her time spent watching the draconis the day before. She forced the memory from her mind before her face could flush from more than her soup.

It was a miracle the whole village wasn't speaking of it. Gray was true to his word , keeping the scene he’d interrupted quiet. Lucy would have to thank him later. Better him knowing rather than Cana, who was currently sniffing out her secrets like a bloodhound. Lucy dreaded the thought of her full mental ruminations being revealed under the seer’s knowing, mischievous gaze. 

A few bites more and she began to unwind, letting the warmth of her meal heat her up from the inside out. The gentle sound of card shuffling melded with the general chatter in the hall and the clattering of utensils through the room became a calming background noise. The soup really was delicious, bursting with flavor. While having no answer to her errant thoughts, the comfort of her surroundings and meal soothed her fraying nerves. Perhaps she should get seconds...

”So you're wanting to ask Natsu something, but don't know how to bring it up, eh?“

Lucy choked on her spoon, wheezing around the wooden utensil as the hot liquid scalded her throat.

”... eww, did that just come out of your nose, Blondie?“

”Cana!“ Mortified, she quickly wiped her face with a nearby rag, whining pitifully as the other laughed uproariously, “T-that wasn't- ... can we pretend that didn't happen?”

“Sure.” Cana's grin was devious. “Tell me what you want to ask Natsu.”

Before Lucy could ask why Cana thought she had something to ask, the fortune teller held up another card. Like before, she pulled it away before Lucy could read it. Though Lucy could’ve sworn she’d seen a circle of cups decorating the front. She knitted her brows together. Did cups mean something?

Cana managed to look offended, lips pursed together as she whined in an over dramatic huff, “I'm hurt, I thought you trusted my skills by now.”

The romni didn't bother replying, opting to raise her brows and stare, dubious of Cana's behavior by now. When she began eating again, Cana continued with a lazy drawl, “Listen, whatever it is, I'm sure I can help ya' figure it out. Or I could tell Natsu how you look with soup shooting out your nose next time I'm watching him. That's your call.”

“You’re not on the rotation.” Lucy replied with a level voice, despite taking a nervous bite.

“I wish.” She rolled her eyes, lips pursing together in a petulant pout, “But Master weaseled me on. I got no say in the matter. Now talk before I use this to make the most out of my babysitting time later.”

A sigh and she slammed the spoon down, face burning brightly, “Has anyone ever told you that you're absolutely insufferable sometimes?”

“That's more like it, now spill!“

Lucy vaguely wondered if Cana was the true gossipmonger of the village or if she just liked having a stranglehold on every secret she could get her sly hands on. Glancing around the hall, she noted everyone too wrapped up in their own discussions to eavesdrop and chewed her lip: considering her options.

Anything to keep Natsu from having more fodder to tease her with, she decided. "... when he was in Porly's hut, he had a lot of nightmares... or memories perhaps.“

”Yeah so? Does this have a point?“ Cana urged, cards dancing in her fingers as she arched them in a perfect bridge and began to shuffle again, ”I was hoping for something juicy you know-“

”He asked for someone named Igneel.”

The cards froze, one almost slipping from Cana’s grasp and Lucy knew she'd struck something. Her nose twitched, face twisting to a hard, neutral expression as she set her deck aside. Cana reached for a mug of ale she'd brought and knocked it back, impressively downing it in one go.

“... so you do know who that is.” Lucy said. 

”I needed that,“ She exhaled, voice lowering an octave or two. ”Does he know?“

Lucy squirmed in her seat, uncomfortable with the heavy feeling that surrounded them, dropping her gaze as she pinched the tip of her fingers over and over anxiously. ”No, I don't think so. When I asked, Porly said he was a man long dead, but didn't give me anything more than that. I figure it's his business to tell anyway so I didn't want to pry. It's just...“

”Better to ask him then anyone else,“ Cana finished, finally meeting Lucy's eyes, ”go ahead. Ask him. Maybe you'll probably learn more than we have.“

Lucy blinked, “What's that supposed to mean?”

“Exactly how it sounds.” She explained with a shrug. “We've all caught the name at some point or another, but he's never explained more than Porly's said.“

Lucy hummed a noncommittal reply, thoughts already drifting back into the previous void they'd been in. Something was bothering her and the new information only made it worse. “... I had assumed everyone here was pretty open about their lives, but I suppose not.”

“What’s life without a few secrets? Can’t keep everything out in the open.” Cana said, returning to her deck of cards, “We treat each other like family, sure, but we know better than to push.”

Lucy snorted, “Save when you're teasing.”

“Well, duh, what's a good day without a little teasing?”. She swiped a mug out of Elfman’s hands as he passed by to prove her point.  Ignoring his outraged blustering, she took a hearty swig until the taller man stomped away to replace his stolen drink. Lucy marveled at the fortune teller's ability to move her cards with one hand, eyes gleaming, “Besides, you make it so easy.”

With a scoff and bemused stare, Lucy resumed her meal, feeling a touch lighter than before. There were still many things she couldn't wrap her mind around, but at least she had a place to start. She would just have to find a good moment to ask Natsu and hopefully - her grip tightened on the spoon- not cross an unseen boundary.  

They fell into companionable silence, with Lucy shoving her now finished bowl aside and 

Cana counted her cards before shuffling again, muttering under her breath at every interval. It was a quiet, secure comfort that Lucy reveled in. 

Not only from Cana, she realized the same comfort came from those around as well. Whether it be from Wendy's gentle check-ups or Mirajane bringing her along for chores or chatting with her siblings, Lucy couldn't ignore the fact she was settling in.

And while Lucy didn't know just how deep her roots had dug in, she was grateful for every moment of peace. It eased the grief that haunted her for over a year, and offered her the smallest inkling of hope that in time, everything would be far better than it was before.  

She desperately wanted to believe that, even if guilt still gnawed in the cockles of her heart. In that silence, she decided she'd put herself on rotation to watch Natsu again. And this time, she'd ensure Makarov didn't take another three days to give it to her. 

All things considered, the day was looking to be an easy one.  Lucy was full and warm, resting easily on the table with her eyes drooping low from post meal stupor. A nap seemed on the horizon, but a sudden shout from the entrance snapped her awake and grabbed everyone's attention.

“Lucy! Is Lucy here?!“ Levy barreled through the hall, skidding against the ground as she twisted her way around the tables, barely noticing the ones she narrowly missed striking as she passed. Her hair was askew, puffing about her head in static and bits of dust and cobweb clung to her in patches. 

Asides from skipping most of the festivities before it was interrupted, the smaller Romni looked as if she'd been buried beneath old books and dust bunnies for the past month. Considering the amount of times she refused to leave her archive, Lucy guessed the assumption wasn't far off. 

Bracing herself, she stood, waving the smaller girl over, ”What's going on?“

Cana, reaching out to help brace Lucy's elbow, wrinkled her nose at one of her cards. ”Guess she found somethin-“

Levy came at them too fast, practically crashing into the table as she failed to stop in time. Levy gasped an apology as she hunched over the table with a sharp inhale of air. ”You'd be right! I KNEW I'd heard that story somewhere before.”

“What?” Lucy asked, flummoxed and feeling as if she'd missed a step, “heard what story?”

“Yours!!” She exclaimed, grasping Lucy's shoulders as excitement exuded off her like its own aura. “The one I transcribed for you! It sounded so familiar and I couldn't figure out why, but I found it. You've got to come with me, this is so interesting- erm, I mean,” She paused, cheeks turning red as she realized her passion was currently shouting directly in Lucy's face, “oh, sorry, sorry! Didn't mean to blast you with my breath there.”

“It... it's fine,” Lucy said, feeling slightly dizzy, “You didn't bring it with you?”

Levy reeled back at Lucy’s words in mortification. ”An old document like that is not going anywhere out of my protection charms, are you crazy? No, no, no, you simply have to come with me: right now.“

”What's the big deal,“ Cana asked, stretching her arms over her head, exposing her stomach in the process, ”It's just an old story passed down through clans isn't it?“

”Yes, but this one is from a completely different clan,“ Levy pressed further, biting back another excited squeal, ”yet it tells the same thing and has MORE to it. Seriously, this can't wait!”

She paused, took a deep breath and retracted her last statement, “Oh no, no, wait. It can wait. You probably have chores to do.” Levy’s excitement seemed to dull, she twisted a dangling cobweb hanging for dear life from a blue strand of hair and flicked it away.  “It doesn’t have to be now if you have things to do.” 

“I'm not all that busy...” Lucy started, glancing back towards the others currently peering from their tables to witness Levy's rising tide of emotions. 

“Really? Great!” She chirped, eyes sparkling once more, ”Let's go. Right now!“

Cana was on her feet before either girl moved, cards pocketed and a third mug of ale emptied. (Lucy realized she missed that one being swiped and wandered towards the victim now missing their alcohol.) Clearing her throat, she slapped her hands on Levy and Lucy's shoulders and winked, ”I'm coming too. Been needing some more girl time. What d'ya say?“

Honestly, Lucy felt as if everything was happening all at once. She could barely keep up. Seeing no reason to deny Cana, she nodded and Levy wasted no time grabbing their hands, intent to drag them both out as quickly as possible. It took a hurried reminder from Cana for the transcriber to slow her pace, muttering a sheepish apology to Lucy in turn. 

The trek to Levy's archive was faster than it was in the past. A fact that made Lucy proud of her newly growing abilities. The magic was still a faint whisper, but the comforting tendrils came at her call any time she needed a brace for her leg; while the pain she'd grown used to was ebbing away by the day.  

Cana was a good companion on their trip, counterbalancing Levy's exuberance with sass and sarcasm, lightheartedly teasing both as they traveled the beaten path. When Levy grew too excited about her collection, the fortune teller would temper her with a cheery pat to her back and wide smile.

“It's been awhile since I've seen you this hopped to share a book, Lev.“ She spoke, voice dripping in sincerity despite the lop-sided, humoring smile. 

A faint dusting of red covered Levy’s cheeks, twiddling her fingers through the barest of pouts, ”Look, I know not everyone shares my hobby, but I meant it when I said Lucy would want to hear this so-“

”I love reading,“ Lucy interjected, raising a brow, ”you could talk to me about books anytime you want.“

”Really?!“ Levy's shrill cry sent a few starlings to the air, taking flight from their positions in the trees alongside the road. ”Why didn't you tell me before?“

“You, uh, didn't ask?” Lucy countered lamely. 

Their aimless chatter continued as they went, bouncing from idle gossip to fond stories with laughter filling in the gaps. By the time they entered the small haven for Levy's collection, Lucy had almost forgotten the length of time the collector spent looking for just one story. 

She thought her first viewing of the library was messy, but Levy apparently had a talent for chaos that put Natsu to shame. It was like a cyclone went off,tearing every book from their shelf and piling them up in uneven stacks. They haphazardly balanced on the floor or were strewn across tables already struggling under the weight of yellowed scrolls and half open novels. There was barely any room for Levy’s small frame yet she found space to weave through with ease, leaving Lucy and Cana stuck by the doorway, too cautious to risk tumbling each stack into a bigger mess.

Cana sneezed as Levy tried to clear a path for them, sending dust billowing into their eyes.

“Sorry!” Levy said, scrunching her shoulders as she tiptoed around the many stacks that blocked the way, “I haven't ... actually reorganized yet.”

Cana's voice was a level monotone when she replied, ”That's obvious.“

”Hmph!“ Levy didn't bother replying, instead ushering the other two after her as she unearthed a couple of chairs for them to use before diving headfirst into the stack piled on the center table. It wobbled dangerously as Lucy rushed to balance it, heaving a sigh in relief when Levy pulled back with a bright smile, books still safely in position.

”Do you need help organizing this later?“ The celestial asked, imagining the hours it would take to make this place normal again. 

Levy's smile grew even larger, ”nope!“ She quipped, simultaneously rolling out an old scroll carefully. Its parchment was thick, yellowed with age and torn along the edges, but Levy handled it with the gentle care a mother would their own child.

“This,” She explained reverently, ”This is what I wanted to show you. It's a small myth about the Sun and Moon shared between a clan of fortune tellers.“

This raised not only Lucy's attention, but also Cana's, who’s attention was slowly starting to drift away. Her back straightened and she leaned in close, gluing herself to Lucy’s side to get a better look as she whistled lowly. ”My people huh? I always slept through those stories as a kid, let's hear it then!“

Lucy nodded furiously in agreement, curiosity piqued, but the words wouldn't rise past her ribcage. A sensation of heavy weight began to form in her lungs, robbing her breath as she considered the paper before her. ”A story similar to my clan’s?“

”Erm,“ Levy scrunched her nose and looked at the ceiling, considering her words, ”I think it references yours, actually.“

”What?“ All thoughts and tumultuous questions fell away leaving behind an expanse of empty echoes in Lucy's mind.

How was that possible? Lucy always believed it to be a closed myth. And for it to be shared with a non- celestial clan…. She tried to dig through her memories, but she knew her clan always kept their distance from others. So when…? She couldn't wrap her head around it, sitting stiff as a board with wide eyes. How many more versions of the story existed out there in the world?

The library around her shifted, darkness creeping in at the corners of her eyes and a quiet voice, one she hadn't heard since Kage attacked, whispered in the back of her mind.

'Listen... and learn the truth.'

The truth? Her brows narrowed, face scrunching at the thought. At Levy and Cana's puzzled stares, she realized she'd voiced the question outloud and flushed, feigning dust catching in her throat, she coughed and waved them away, “D-don't mind me, go ahead and read, Levy!”

Sharing a look between each other, Cana shrugged and Levy nodded, both deciding not to pry further. Instead, they settled into their chairs as Levy smoothed the edges of the paper and clicked her tongue.

”I'll try to read it as accurately as I can,“ She muttered, eyes whirling down the paper to eye a few spots in the story, ”It’s a different dialect, one that i’m not so brushed up on, and the writing is a bit smudged in places.“

”You didn't put protections on this one?“ Cana asked, arms crossed, ” tsk tsk Ms. Librarian, that's out of character for you.“

”It was like this when I got it. I protected what I could.“ Levy earnestly defended, shooting Cana a glare in a silent order for the other to shut her mouth. Lucy bit back a giggle as she watched the two of them, calming down now that their focus was no longer directed at her. 

”Anywho,” Levy waved her hands over the parchment bringing the attention back to the main topic. She cleared her throat a few times in preparation, “sorry if I don't tell it as dramatically as you do, Lucy: here goes!“

Levy began, eyes narrowed as she carefully translated the faded words; Words that felt all too familiar to Lucy and yet, completely new. They pulled her to the edge of her seat, lulling her to get lost in a story she thought she knew already:

-

Ages ago, when time first began and the world was new, the Sun and Moon crashed to the land below, shadows of their former selves and banished from the skies. The broken spirits roamed the lands, alone and uncertain what their new lives held. 

The moon, an adaptive creature, befriended the world in her travels. She met the trees, the animals, the open seas, and all grew to love her. She was only human, but her gentle light stayed within, calming those around her. In time, she met her own kind: other humans, who traveled the world and studied the writings of the stars. She found a home and stayed, ignoring the empty feeling in her heart that spoke of a piece she'd long-lost.

The sun, so bright and fiery, was not so lucky.

Know this, my listeners, for this is a tale you must learn, lest you allow the fate of the sun to fall upon you. Take heed to my words and know them for the warning they are.

For anger and pain is a dangerous beast and it darkens the hearts of anyone who suffers in its grip. The sun, lost in a world he didn't understand; His memories of his former life were stripped away, leaving behind the sharp, stabbing pain of loss that hollowed his heart daily. At the rising of the bright orb in the sky, he'd suffer again and again, and no matter the distance he traveled, a cure could not be found.

”This pain... is this the truth of this world?“ He asked himself, losing hope of ever being like the others he came across. His body, inhuman, was deformed and monstrous. The animals feared him, the seas and forests refused him the comforts they could provide and nothing could replace the memories he had lost.

In time, he forgot everything but the pain and he learned hate. His body held within it a flame that had clung to his soul even as it shattered, but that heat was now blackened in anger and desperation. Unable to hope, he filled himself with the promise to end his pain no matter the cost.

Even if that cost damages the world. As the earth began to grow and change, and humans learned of language and magic, he leveled the land with his pain everywhere he touched and everyone learned the meaning of fear...

It was during this time that the humans of the land-

-

”Geez, this makes Lucy's story more sad than it already was,“ Cana muttered, interrupting Levy mid sentence.

She glowered through her bangs, ”Excuse me, I’m trying to tell preserved history here. Are you going to let me finish this or not?“

”Fine, fine, I'll shut up, geez.“

Satisfied, Levy continued.

-

- the humans of the land began to fight back. This horrific beast of scales and fire was too dangerous to leave alive and they refused to fall victim to the horrors he spread. His anger was a blistering sight, but their will to survive formed like a twisting gnarled tree whose roots settled deep into the earth.

They met the sun with weapons and magic and the sun thrashed them about like ants. The wars waged were of desolation and massacres, staining his once pristine claws and scales a deep red. 

But the Sun persisted, for his broken soul found no solace, not even in destruction. Making the world feel his pain in vengeance did not soothe the ache in his bones, nor did it numb the pain the light above gave him. He was a broken, raw beast, still healing from wounds he'd long-forgotten and the world suffered for it.

And the Moon... she knew him from first glance, the empty void in her own heart screaming at the sight of her former beloved. His pain echoed in her ribcage and while she wanted nothing more than to settle his heart and return to the embrace of the soul she once adored, she could not allow her new family to fall. The humans were hers to keep and the Sun's mutual destruction had to end.

Her gentleness was a memory long lost and as her clan looked on, mystified by her fearless approach to this raging monster, the first kindling of hope sparked in their hearts. Her golden hair shone under the sunlight and the sun's eyes cleared at the sight of her.

This. This is what he was searching for. Was it not?  He reached a claw towards her and she reached for him, shedding tears as she begged him to calm.

'Please, no more, be at peace and leave these people.' 

He listened to her pleas and the attack in his heart came two-fold, one from his damaged soul, the other his drowning guilt.

'Is it you?' He asked, desperate for the answers he'd sought for decades, 'are you what I've been missing?'

Fate is a cruel thing. 

When the moon thought the destruction would end, believing her words would reach him, the pain of the sunset struck as the blows of mortal weapons pierced his scales from all sides. 

She had provided the perfect distraction and in her horror, the humans she had come to love, pressed upon her Sun with the same rage he'd given them, and his blood drenched the earth in a torrent of rivers.  

There was no hope. No solace for the Sun as his life was slowly stripped from him. His last thought as he stared upon the brilliance of the who he'd sought for so long, was one of bitterness, not relief.

After so long, his soul had met the other, and in his moment of weakness, she'd betrayed him. 

His final breath became a curse.

'May you meet the same end when next we see each other.'

A death rattle that jarred the bones of all swept the land and as mortals cheered, finally safe, the moon fell to the ground, crying the tears he would never see.

Love is blind, they say, but it's the other side of hate that’s unseen. It twists and reshapes the words and thoughts of those around you. And what once was something beautiful, can become twisted and full of horror.

Remember this, my listeners, before you let the hatred in your own hearts fester and burn. To know pain is to know life, but to drown within its depths is to spread the blood of the first dragon into the bowels of our souls, until nothing, but darkness remains.

-

Levy’s hushed voice barely registered in Lucy’s ears, the tale had swept her up, tangling her in its words and held her like a vice. Horror filled her throat, choking her from sound and breath.

This wasn't the tale she imagined from her favorite story. This was a fate that spoke only of tragedy, stripping away the hope of a happy ending. And yet, it still rang familiar, an echo of her nightmares that she struggled to make sense of. Nightmares that made her understand the moon’s desperate pleas and hopelessness as tears began to spill down her cheeks as she sat there unmoving.

“That was... '' Cana inhaled sharply, her own eyes red, “well it was something all right. Geez, my own clan…what a bunch of downers.” 

Gently rolling up the scroll, Levy gave no comment as she clamped it shut, setting it aside to the only clear spot on the table. “I honestly think there's even more, but I'll have to look for it, I think. That or I just saw them in passing and didn't get to bring them here, but it's amazing right? To find a completely different ending than what Lucy gave?“

”I wouldn’t use amazing for a story like that…“ Cana shifted, unable to sit still as a dreadful silence settled among them. But that silence broke to a sniffle that alarmed her and Levy both.

Lucy's shoulders shook as an uncontainable sadness flooded her, ”... all the moon wanted was to help... and she still lost him in the end. He died thinking she meant for it to happen... That's awful, isn't it?“

In a rush, Levy and Cana both shot from their seats to comfort her, the scroll left behind and forgotten. But no amount of assurances could calm her as the tears continued to fall in rivulets down Lucy's face. She mourned both the Sun and the Moon, and felt their pain as if it were her own.

Something had shifted in the air. A deep mourning that filled the empty spaces between persons and weaved its way through the trees. Those attuned to the magic of the world felt it blanket their senses like a slow moving front of clouds rolling through the sky, forcing tears to gather in the corners of their eyes.

It passed through the village, waking sleeping infants with desperate cries and making many pause in their chores for a moment. It wrapped around the alcove and dipped past the bluffs to bring a silence to the Magnolia Forest, sending the lively fauna for cover and stilled the trees that surrounded a lone warrior still out for blood.

Erza felt it change the taste in the air and frowned. Her hunt, while frustrating, had continued long after she'd lost Kage's tracks. His residual energy had become her beacon, following the weak remnants of it since the day before, but this new sorrow overcame what remained of Kage's aura and left the redhead feeling hollow.

She gulped down an inexplicable urge to sob, eyes watering for a second. Whatever intense emotions that had crossed the area, she couldn't attend them, not when she was so close.  She couldn’t afford to lose the weakening trail now Erza pushed onward through the thickets, sifting through the heavy air in search of her prey.

His disappearance, though odd, had led to many other strange occurrences. The bits of metal found in the wood and a taste of water and stars in the air. Magic was thick in the woods, with unfamiliar scents tumbling over one another vying for her attention to leap into action. In a way, her hunt for Kage was a lucky one, as it gave hint to something else brewing in the woods, long before the others would become aware.

A blessing in disguise perhaps, but something about the bits of magic Erza traced felt familiar. It haunted her in a way. Traces of memory from last year's travels weaved in and out of her mind and more than once, she thought of friends she'd made outside of the clan. Traders and information-gatherers alike. 

The thought that one of those possible friends having their auras mixed in the miasma she now felt was strange. It filled her with an apprehension that clung to her nerves and raised her awareness to new levels of paranoia. 

“I'll have to do another search,” She decided, muttering harshly under her breath, “after I bring that vile man back to the cells.”

If the particles of magic remained as they were, she even considered bringing along a travel partner: just in case. 

But if she was to do any of that, she'd have to break free of this purveying sadness that clung to every fabric of her clothes.

Just who or what was amplifying such an emotion? She almost felt as if the world was mocking her, attempting to block her from her quarry.

Erza Scarlet, however, was not a woman to be so easily duped. While disoriented for a few seconds, she reclaimed her aura trail quickly and continued her trek. The mixture of magic was growing stronger, and with her enhanced hearing, she easily caught the echoes of battle from hours ago. 

She was close; Too close to fail. And this time, she vowed, Kage would not escape her. His magic would be too weak now, and she was determined to use that to her full advantage.

With the sun on her back and the shadow of the trees covering her, Erza continued her advance, following the trail as it thickened in the air. The sounds of battle were slowly growing loud and - no, not battle, that was hours ago, then what was it?

A heavy crash echoed through the bushes and hills. This puzzling realization sped Erza's pace, anxiety rising as the magic and thuds were soon joined with the familiar smell of blood. 

She hated that metallic tang in the air. It brought a twist in her gut and her face paled, recollecting battles from the past that left her shaken and troubled. For her home, she would fight as it was a necessary evil, but the proof of battle never became easier. 

Was it Kage, bleeding out? No, if that were it, it would have happened already. She'd grown used to his tracks and injuries, what she sensed now was a different being altogether and the thudding through the trees thundered ever closer the further into the thickest part of the wood she went.

It took only a few more minutes of travel for her to realize that it wasn't just her advancing on the sounds, but the source of it was heading towards her as well. 

And it was coming down fast.

She had enough time to brandish her blade, eyes narrowed and body poised for attack when a man stumbled through the bushes, hair tousled, smeared with sweat and old blood, and a hand clasped tightly to his sternum.  Red seeped beneath his palm, telling her of a dangerous wound that stained his tunic and cloak.  He fell to his knees, panting for air as Erza hesitated her action. 

To attack a stranger who was already wounded...

But his hair, the fierce gleam of his eye and the red of a distinctive tattoo etched into the side of his face held her attention. Erza’s blade fell, but she still held it loosely in her grasp. She knew this man, but his appearance foretold of a danger she wasn't quite ready to face.

“... Jellal?” She asked, mystified by his appearance, “What are you doing here? We were supposed to meet when I -”

His cough interrupted her and a shaky hand rose in greeting as he struggled to his feet, “... discuss later, please.” He winced as he leaned against the nearest tree, catching his breath as he quickly tightened a sash over his wounds as a makeshift bandage. “I had hoped it would last long enough to find help, but I clearly overestimated my abilities. It's been a long time, Erza.”

Today was the day of many encounters, she gathered, as her next question was never allowed past her lips due to another, much larger man bursting through the same direction. His clothes were more torn, old from travel, with scraggly black hair twisting wildly down his back.  He was less damaged than the other and instinct made her recover her sword to hold it aloft, lips curled back in a snarl.

“Halt! What's your purpose here?” She demanded, angling herself quickly to stand between the man she knew and the other, who laughed at the sight.

“So YOU'RE the one the shadow twerp was so worried about, huh?“ The man smirked, fishing out a small roll of bandages from a pouch on his belt, ”if that dumbass had held still for five minutes he wouldn't be struggling like that. Use this before you start shit.”

”I thought we were in a rush,” he replied, cheeks flushed from more than his jaunt through the woods. He turned his gaze away from the others and sighed, “besides it's not serious.”

“... a wound like that...” Erza deadpanned, eyebrows raised when the feral looking man tossed her the bandages. Reflexively catching the roll, she kept her back to the edge of the woods, keeping an eye on the man as she moved to examine Jellal's wounds, “... isn't serious?”

“You're not going to believe me if you don't see it for yourself, are you?” Jellal asked with a tired, sardonic grin, “Very well. It's been almost a year after all, inspect as you wish.”

Her frown was deep set, but she made quick work of removing his makeshift coverings, eyes glued on the wound with an intensity she was known for. “I was on the trail of an escaped prisoner. Once I'm done here, I'll have to leave.”

The larger man scoffed, eyes rolling, “Tch, no ya' won’t.“ 

”Excuse me?“

“Handled it.”

Her shoulders sagged in relief, seeing her old friend had told the truth. While bloody, it was shallow, an injury that would heal in time without much issues. With that out of the way, Erza's attention shifted back to the other, gaze narrowed as she considered her options. This man... while traveling with someone she considered an ally... could she think the same of him?

His teeth were sharp, smile too full of them to feel safe, and his red eyes were filled with a bloodthirst she recognized in most enemies. No, despite the odd circumstances, she didn't want to trust him at all and didn't like the fact one of her information traders was traveling with him. None of it felt right. 

”And how did you handle it?“ She demanded, searching for any proof to trust the man.

Shifting to allow her space to work around his wound, Jellal grunted and spared a sour glance to his companion, ”Stop beating around the bush, Gajeel. I won't help you if she chooses to strike you for acting out.“

”Feh, spoilsport. Fine, see for yourself.” Hefting what appeared to be a sleeping roll off his back with more force than necessary, Erza was startled to realize a body was wrapped within it. A loud groan echoed as it struck the ground.

Right before her was Kage, unconscious but alive, and finally captured. 

“He was already fucked up when he found us,” Gajeel explained, glaring at Jellal with disappointment, “but he put up a rabid fit to hold us off and that moron chose to take the damage rather than risk killing him, so I had to do it instead.”

“He's not our target to kill,” Jellal argued, clearing his throat when Erza moved to examine the body, “... in all honesty, we were looking for your clan, Erza. I won't lie and say us running into this man didn't give us a bargaining chip. We want to enter your village, if you'll let us.”

“And what makes you think I'd allow that?” She asked, voice a harsh whisper, “you've given me no reason to distrust you, Jellal, but this man is an entirely different story.”

“Cause we've got what you want,” Gajeel answered, stepping on Kage's still form with little regard to his health, “Information.”

“So how about it?”

[saturdaynightghostclub]

Highway Hypnosis

Chapter 9: Cicely

I met an old woman in a movie theater queue in Chicago right after I graduated college. She was there alone, like me, trying in vain to make her day mean something. I noticed her immediately; in a sea of denim and cotton, she was in a sundress and sandals, the kind you wear to wade through a river when you’re hiking. She noticed me too, though I’m not sure what it was that stood out about me. She asked me where I was from; for some reason I didn’t strike her as a local. I leaned into it, just for a secret to keep, and told her I was from Seattle. And what a coincidence, she was too. “In my past life,” she explained, “I was a mermaid. It kills me to be out here with no water.” I reminded her of Lake Michigan, and she just shook her head. It wasn’t the same.

That woman stuck with me. Maybe I was projecting onto her, but I swore from that moment that I could feel her living deep inside the throes of my body, with her fist curled around my spine, dictating my every move with a benevolence I resented. I grew restless, too big for my mother’s home and entirely too small for whatever lay beyond its front door. There was an inevitability to the woman’s words; she and I would make it back home. Maybe we’d go somewhere and be mermaids together, just jump into the freezing northern waters and reject the world that had brought us up.

As I emerge from the Evergreen river’s icy current, I wonder if this counts. Is it that you can’t be a mermaid in freshwater, or is it more a matter of affinity? Regardless of how the movie theater woman would answer, I think she’d be proud of me. For some reason her hypothetical opinion of me matters more than I’d like to admit.

Jasper’s sitting on a large rock on the river bank, letting the late afternoon sun evaporate whatever cold water is left on his skin in transcendent drops of gold. He spent the night at my place last night, high on life after cracking the library code mystery. There have been remarkably few times throughout my life when I’ve been completely, genuinely at a loss for words, but waking up in his arms this morning was one of them. His face is turned toward the sky, and then suddenly it isn’t. I swim leisurely toward him as his gaze focuses on something on the beach towel to his right—my cell phone, I realize, which must mean it’s ringing. By the time I reach him and haul myself up onto the rock beside him, it’s almost too late. I don’t bother with the caller ID in my hurry to pick up the call, and the regret that washes over me immediately after the damn thing goes live is palpable.

“There you are! Thank goodness, Andie, do you know how many times I’ve tried to call you?”

“Mom? What’s going on, is something wrong?”

“Is something wrong?” My mother asks, incredulous, as if I should already know. “I have called you eight times, Andrea. Eight! And you haven’t picked up once. Care to explain?”

I don’t, but I’ll try. “Service is spotty up here, I honestly didn’t realize you’d even tried calling,” I say, followed by a weak “sorry, Mom.” I realize I’ve unconsciously pulled my knees to my chest, a position I often assume when talking to my mother. A therapist I once saw said it was part of a fawn response, which I suppose is understandable aside from the fact that it happens even during the most benign conversations.

“I don’t want your excuses, it’s not why I called,” she snaps. I figure it would be better to just let her talk, as anything I have to say past this point will be under the lens of her scrutiny, so I wait for her to continue. “I’m coming up to visit,” she says, “on the first of September. I’m staying four days, and I’ll need a ride to and from the airport.”

“Okay,” I say, cautiously, “will you send me your flight details in a text so I know what time to come get you?”

“They’re in your inbox already,” she replies, sounding exasperated. Once again, I guess I should have read her mind. Silly me. I inhale, sitting up straighter as Jasper slides an arm around my waist, his hand coming to rest on my hip. I’m not sure if he can hear anything more than my side of the conversation, but he seems attuned to my stress regardless. I cover his hand lightly with my own, resisting my body’s urge to move closer to him.

“Okay, I mean—,” I start. I can’t exactly tell her not to come; I can’t even lament that she didn’t warn me further ahead of time as, per her own testimony, she tried. “—Okay. I’ll see you soon, I guess.”

“Don’t sound so eager, it’s only your mother,” she replies sharply.

“Okay, I’m sorry,” I sigh, “I’ll see you in a week. Can’t wait.” She hangs up the phone without saying goodbye. Manners only matter when it’s mine that are lacking. I set the phone down, staring straight ahead for a moment as I close my hand around Jasper’s, lacing my fingers through his.

“Your mom?” He asks after a beat, in his soft way which, infuriatingly, makes me want to simultaneously tell him my deepest secrets and break down sobbing in his arms. How on Earth does he do that?

“Mhmm,” I hum, deciding on a dime to keep the conversation light, “she’s coming up in a week. She didn’t tell me why.”

“Sounds like a real piece of work,” Jasper says, leaning in to kiss my temple before I finally look at him.

“Yeah,” I nod, “you could say that.”

I don’t know if it’s residual teenage rebellion or the fact that I know inherently that my mother will hate him or what, but in this moment, looking at Jasper, I’m hit by a wave of Something that knocks the breath out of me completely. He is truly, completely perfect.

It occurs to me that I’ve been staring at him a moment too long when, brushing a strand of hair from his forehead, he says “What?”

I kiss him, and his small noise of surprise is submerged in a current of that sweet, slow darkness that envelops me whenever we’re together.

Jasper and I, in a rare moment of extraverted unison, have agreed to spend the evening with Joshy and Janie at her apartment above the cafe. It was Janie’s idea—she said it would be fun to have “couple friends,” but I get the distinct feeling she’s just curious about what exactly a relationship with the infamous Moss might look like—and, while she vaguely mentioned card games, I know for a fact she’s made no plans beyond sitting around on the floor and passing a bottle of gin back and forth. It’s a refreshingly low-stakes concept; in Chicago, if I wanted to socialize with anyone I needed to go to at least three bars and one late-night taco truck before we settled down for the night. I don’t think I’ve done the old “split a bottle of gin” routine since senior prom.

For some reason I expected Jasper to be nervous about the outing, but he’s not. He’s actually anything but. He even snagged some snacks from the general store on our way to Janie’s because “you can’t show up empty-handed, who raised you?”

The door to the apartment is unlocked, and upon opening it I’m met with an almost-tangible wave of sound. Music, laughter, pots and pans banging around in the kitchen.

“Hello?” I call, “We’re here.”

“Coming!” Janie responds, shortly before rounding the corner with two cocktail glasses hanging from her right hand. “Nice tat, Andie,” she grins devilishly, and after a moment of confusion my hand flies to my neck. I spin to look at Jasper, swatting him with the back of my hand.

“Oh my god, did you give me a hickey?” I hiss, a spark of satisfaction overcoming my embarrassment as his face flushes red.

“Sorry, sorry—ow, Jesus!” He mumbles, stifling laughter and backing away from my attacks until his legs hit the arm of Janie’s couch. “Okay, okay!” He says, finally allowing himself to laugh fully. “Okay, I’m sorry. It won’t happen again, I swear.” He’s holding out his pinky finger and, with a raised eyebrow, I link mine through it. As long as he swears.

Janie has disappeared back into the kitchen, replaced by Joshy, who’s apparently been banished for burning the popcorn. “Boys,” I say in lieu of a goodbye, sweeping into the kitchen to let them entertain themselves while I endure Janie’s inevitable bout of relentless teasing.

“I cannot believe he did that,” I mutter softly, coming to stand beside her, “I’m going to kill him. You know my mother’s coming to town in a week? Kill him for me, Janie.”

She laughs. “Spoons are in the drawer closest to the fridge,” she says. I understand her meaning; anyone who’s been the unfortunate victim of a hickey is familiar with the cold spoon trick. I search the drawer for the biggest metal spoon I can find before submerging it in a glass of ice water. Janie’s stirring a jar of something gorgeous and purple. She turns to me and says, “Honestly, I’m impressed. I didn’t think he had it in him.”

I roll my eyes. “I don’t think anyone’s given me a hickey since high school. What’s that?”

“Gin, I infused it with this blue tea stuff. It’s supposed to be good, we’ll see. So, have you…?” She asks casually.

“Yep,” I reply, trying to match her tone so she doesn’t shriek in response. It’s no use.

“Yes!” She squeaks, “How was it? Was it good?”

I feel myself flush and press the cold spoon into my neck in the vain hope that it’ll bring me back to a normal temperature. “Janie, I don’t even have the words to describe how good it was.”

“Really? Oh my god, Andie! Tell me everything, I can’t believe you didn’t text me immediately,” she says, bringing her tone back down to a whisper-shout that’s no less suspicious than her high-pitched shriek.

“It literally happened last night!” I whisper-shout in response, unable to keep the grin from my face.

“No excuse!”

“Fine, fine! ‘Kay, so first of all, he has a tattoo above his knee—,”

“Ladies?” Joshy asks from the doorway, eyebrow quirked in an amused expression. Shit.

“Coming!” Janie answers brightly, shooting me a look that says plainly “we’ll talk about it later.” I almost wish it was just the two of us tonight, just Janie and I. There’s nothing like a debrief between girls, between friends; I knew I missed having non-men around, but now that I know I have at least one to count on, it's like forbidden fruit. I don’t want to hang out with the boys, I want to dish with my friends. I make a promise to myself, then: I’ll call my college friends tomorrow. I’ll tell them everything. I won’t let go of my adolescence just yet.

[lasatfat]

In the Oak, I Found the Arrow

read on AO3 | for @samseabxrn

The Herald had returned from his first visit to Redcliffe with an entire entourage in tow. The Grey Warden, Blackwall, was expected – Leliana had asked Lavellan to seek him out, after all – but Gideon had also collected a childhood friend from his clan, with an accompanying wolf-dog, a tranquil alchemist, a smuggler in a Chantry sister’s robe, and the first born son of an obscure Fereldan house retrieved from some cult in the hills.

Then, there are the Adaar siblings. Four of them, none related by blood. The two sons are mages. The eldest, Farid, was rescued from the Qun before his mouth was stitched shut, his arms bound with chains, and his face forever masked. The younger son was not so fortunate; Basvaarad’s mouth is encircled by pinprick scars. He rarely speaks, but the elder daughter, Nanna, never speaks at all. Judging from her stature, she must have dwarven blood, though of course, she never says. Torunn is the youngest of them, red-headed and slender, and often trailed by an orange-and-white cat she called Purrlock.

Cullen hadn’t thought much about her, at first, beyond what she brought to the Inquisition. She was a skilled archer, and an equally capable midwife, and she had the accompanying confidence of one who knew her talents. Even better, she was a good teacher. She would often join him on the training ground, talking aspiring archers through corrections to their form or technique. Other days would be spent in the infirmary – there were no babies to be delivered, which was probably for the best, but there were plenty of minor injuries to be treated.

On her fourth day in Haven, she approached him once again, but not to offer help training the recruits. They stood side-by-side, looking out over the frozen lake. “You’re in pain,” she said. It was a statement, not a question. When Cullen looked confused, she rolled her eyes, but chuckled. “Come on, commander. I’m a midwife; pain is my bread and butter.” She paused. “Well, and the parents. And the babies. Oh, you know what I mean. Are you hurt?”

“No. It’s…an ongoing condition,” he replied. It wasn’t technically a lie.

“Is it the lyrium withdrawal?”

She might as well have punched him in the face. Cassandra and Leliana were the only others aware of his situation, and they wouldn’t have told anyone, least of all a stranger. He must have given himself away, somehow, and if Torunn had worked it out, who else?

“How did you…?”

“Are you joking me? That stuff stinks,” she replied. She twirled her hand in the air, as if conjuring up the right comparison. “You know when you leave old metal out in the sun, and it gets hot?”

He knew it well enough, and he nodded.

“Anyway, you just smell like oakmoss and elderflower,” she continued. “I’d know it a mile off. All the rookies get archer’s elbow.”

“Have you told anyone else?” he asked.

“Nah. None of my business,” she answered, genially. “My lot might figure it out, but they won’t say anything about it. Nanna doesn’t say anything anyway.” She turned to him properly, fixed him with a sober look. “Seriously, though, can I do anything to help?”

“I just have a headache,” he said, in a tone he hoped was reassuring. “I can endure it.”

“Sure you can, but you don’t have to,” she countered. She then launched into a long list of pain remedies, some of which he knew, some he’d never heard of.

The more he worked with her, the more he saw of the open heart she carried through everything she did. She laughed loud and often, but never unkindly. She was lewd at times, but not aggressively so. The same strength that forced a sparring partner to the ground would pull them back to their feet with a clap on the shoulder and a “good one. Go again another day?” The hands that pulled back a bowstring or threw a knife with such deadly accuracy would clean and bandage a fletching cut with the utmost gentleness.

It wasn’t until the fall of Haven that Cullen realised how he’d fallen.

They were dying. Everyone in Haven could see the writing on the wall. The Red Templars were too many, even without the dragon (Archdemon?) this “Elder One” had at his command. Torunn was nothing if not strong-willed. He expected her to make for the front lines, to spend her last hours, minutes, seconds battling the army that end her so prematurely, holding them to account. A life ending in violent defiance.

She didn’t do that. Instead, she gathered the Tranquil. She and her siblings escorted them to the Chantry, guarding them as a knight may guard their lord. She bandaged wounds as best she could, kept people on their feet, and carried Chancellor Roderick when he grew too weak to stand, even with help. When the Herald was missing in the mountains, the Adaars searched longer and further than any of their other parties. She defied death in her own way. She denied the enemy her despair.

They staggered back into camp long after the Herald had been found, and hymns had been sung, and hope had been built anew. Cullen brought her food. It felt like too small a gesture, a bowl of stew and a chunk of bread, but from her reaction, you’d have thought the wooden plate was loaded with spice cake and strawberries.

“Oh, now you’re talking!” she said, heartily, but she hesitated. “Is anyone else hungry?”

There was no doubt many were, but their supplies had to last. “Everyone else has eaten,” he decided on. She understood, and cleared her plate.

He decided, he would tell her, once they were safe. The Herald was leading them somewhere. As soon as they reached their destination, as soon as they no longer had the burden of survival, Cullen would lay open his own heart, and let her take it as she will.

x x x

Of course, as the saying goes, the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.

To say the first week in Skyhold is hectic would be a grave understatement. The guard rotations are quickly established, but urgent repairs must be conducted, supply lines established, accommodation assigned. Cullen works from before dawn to well after the sun has set and the moons have risen, and he has little doubt that his colleagues are doing the same. He can barely find the time to eat and sleep, let alone seek out a specific person for a conversation, however desperate he is to talk to them.

With all those injured and sickened on the journey to Skyhold, he imagines Torunn is working flat-out as well. In the end, however, she finds him first. She strolls into his office one afternoon as if she, not Gideon Lavellan, had just been named Inquisitor. She smiles at him, warmly, and Cullen tries to ignore the riot of butterflies in his stomach. He hadn’t realised just how much he’d missed seeing her almost every day.

“O, Commander, my commander,” she greets him, jovially. “Long time no see.”

“Quite,” he agrees. “Are you well?”

“Yeah, I’m good. Busy,” she replies. “How about you?”

The stress of the attack on Haven and the journey to Skyhold weigh heavy on his mind, though not so heavy as the guilt of so many lives lost. Logically, he knows that he made the best decisions he could at the time, but that knowledge does little to curb the self-blame. Or, indeed, the anger. He doesn’t want to worry her, however, so he replies, “well enough.”

She looks at him like she knows he’s holding back, but doesn’t press the issue. “I brought you something,” she says, instead.

“Oh?”

Torunn pulls a small glass vial from a pouch on her belt. Inside it is a liquid slightly more viscous than water, clear and tinged yellow-green. Cullen takes it, carefully, turns it over in his fingers.

“What is it?” he asks.

“Peppermint oil,” she says. “It always helps me when I have a headache. Don’t get it on your face, though. I learned that one the hard way. It makes your eyes sting like fuck.”

Sure enough, he recognises the smell when he uncorks the vial. Some of the few good memories he has of Kinloch Hold are of watching over the herbalists as they went about their work (one particular herbalist more than others, if he’s honest with himself). The cooking fires warmed the normally chilly tower, and filled it with the heady perfume of hundreds of plants chopped and boiled. They had been using peppermint leaves for potions, but whatever was left of it went into tea or sweet cakes. As much as it shames him to think of it now, he always secretly hoped that at least some of the mint in his food had been prepared by Eireann Surana.

All this to say, he knows it’s edible, but not much else.

“Do I drink it?” he asks.

Torunn snorts. “Only if you feel like blowing your breakfast across the room,” she says. The smile quickly fades, however, replaced with mild concern. “You’ve got a headache right now?”

“Yes.” Since he stopped taking lyrium, he has had one more often than not.

She holds out her hand, gestures with the outstretched fingers. “Give it here and I’ll show you.”

He obediently hands it back to her. She pours a couple of drops into her palm, and sets the vial down with her free hand. He watches her gather it on her fingertips.

“Here, look at me.”

She bends slightly, and then she’s looking directly into his face, eyes the colour of amber. Maker, she is so close. He could count the freckles on her nose, if he had a mind to. As it is, Cullen is preoccupied with keeping his breathing steady, as her gentle fingers trace circles against his temples. Her hands span the entire length of his head. Her touch burns and cools at the same time. It’s no magic – he can’t sense all of it now, but against his skin, he would know. He can’t decide if it’s the oil, or if it’s just her, the effect she has on him.

“Better?” she asks.

“Much.”

He acts before he can think better of it. A mistake. He leans forward, but meets empty air. Opening his eyes again, he finds that she has stepped back, hands pulled in against her chest.

“Wh…?” She laughs, nervously. “What are we doing here?”

Cullen’s stomach clenches like a fist. The rejection barely registers in the moment, overshadowed by the realisation that his advances are not only unwanted, but apparently frightening. It’s a fear he is intimately familiar with. Andraste preserve him, he has inflicted it on somebody else.

“Forgive me,” he blurts, rubbing at the back of his neck. “I never meant…”

“You tried to kiss me.”

All he can really say to that is, “yes.”

“You want to kiss me.”

Only, the closer he looks at her, the clearer it becomes that she isn’t frightened. Her expression is guarded, yes, but underneath it is not fear, or even anger, but doubt.

“Is that so hard to believe?” he asks.

“For me, yeah.”

Cullen’s first assumption is that he misjudged her. The questions about his life, the stories of her own, the feigned interest in his aspirations for the Inquisition…they’d been friendly gestures, not attempts at courtship. But, there was always an edge to it. He thinks of a lop-sided smile as they looked out over the training ground, the emerald light of the Breach glittering on the bone of her broken horns. Tawny eyes meeting his, with a wink or a raised brow. When they discussed the vows he took as a Templar, she’d given him a wicked grin and asked if they included a vow of celibacy. It went beyond camaraderie. He is sure of it.

“You’ve made advances before,” he says, eventually.

Torunn’s mouth falls open. She looks up, left, right, as if the right words are flying around her head and she’s trying to read them for guidance, though her mouth only forms the shape of the word ‘what.’ “I never thought you’d take that seriously!” she protests, finally.

It was nothing but a joke. She’d been toying with him all along. She hadn’t meant to hurt him, he knows her enough to realise that, but he can’t hide the bitter note in his voice when he speaks again.

“I take it this means you don’t want to…”

“No!” she blurts. “No, it’s not that. It’s just…look at me.”

She falls quiet. Folds her arms. Though she has asked him to look at her, she cannot meet his eye, instead fixating on one corner of his desk with a scowl. Something shifts into place. An understanding. He had misjudged her, but not in the way he thought. She moves through a battlefield or an infirmary with such easy confidence, enough to put everyone else at ease too. He had assumed that her certainty would extend to every facet of her life. He could not have imagined she would consider herself unworthy of anything, least of all a simple kiss. She has defied his expectations yet again.

Torunn clears her throat, jolting him out of that particular thought. “I’m sorry. I’ve made a right pig’s ear of this.” She shakes her head, and looks back at him, with a guarded half-smile. “Let’s start again. Hello, I’m Torunn Adaar. I hear you want to…kiss me.”

The way she hesitates on the word, it’s clear that she still doesn’t quite believe him.

He must prove it to her, then.

Cullen steps closer to her, turns his face up. He could stand on tiptoe and barely reach her chin, not that the weight of his armour would allow for it. “I have often wondered what it would be like,” he admits.

Torunn half-shrugs. “Only one way to find out, I suppose,” she says.

She leans down to meet him, her eyes drifting shut. He closes his own, but again, nothing but empty air.

“If you’re having me on, I’m…”

Cullen takes her face in his hands, and closes the gap between them.

She tenses, makes a muffled sound of surprise against his mouth. His eyes are shut, but he suspects hers are open, wide and stunned. Sure enough, when he parts from her, hands shifting to her shoulders, Torunn is looking over every part of his face. Waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Then she smiles. Not a smirk of amusement, or a devilish grin. Not the reassuring smile of a healer comforting a patient. A real, exultant smile, which lights up her entire face, and easily spreads onto his own.

“You weren’t kidding,” she says.

He brushes his fingers along her jaw. “Of course not.”

Torunn laughs, once, and looks at him as if he’s lost his mind. Her hands rest on his face, gentle as a whisper, and she kisses him. He can savour it now, the taste of her, the scrape of her stubble, the curve of her nose pressing against his cheek. Breath hot and lips impossibly soft. He presses back, just slightly, just enough, and he feels her smile.

Torunn pulls away first. Instantly, absurdly, Cullen misses her.

“That was…” he begins, but as he opens his eyes, he finds hers are wet and reddening. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah. Just the peppermint on your head is making my eyes hurt.” She squeezes them shut, even as she bursts out laughing.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

“Don’t be daft,” she retorts, playfully shoving his shoulder. “It was worth it.”

It was worth it.

“Anyway, I’ve gotta go. I need to go wash my hands, and my face. In that order,” she chuckles. She opens the door, but stops, face turned halfway towards him. “We could do that again some time.”

Cullen smiles. “If you would like.”

Torunn grins back. Her eyes linger on him as she leaves the room, gaze only broken when she closes the door behind her.

Thirty-seven, he muses. There are thirty-seven freckles on her nose.

[graphitesatellite]

Hi, phi!! Ok so, I had an ✨idea✨, it’s kinda angsty, so don’t hesitate to say if you’re uncomfortable. Now bear with me, M6 reaction on discovering mc has been trapped under Valdemars lab and kinda being used as a Guinea pig, like what would the LI’s do, how would they comfort mc this kinda stuff. Had this idea at like 3 am and here I am!

Hi, old friend

To say I feel bad about never finishing this is the understatement of the millennium, cuz I really really wanted to, it was important to me to make this happen for you, it’s a really good idea! But it just never came to be, and I’m so sorry

Your request is a unique one, though, in that I did actually start to write it before the ability to write anything suddenly left me, so I’ll include what I had written under the cut

Thanks for sending in a request <3 I’m sorry I don’t have more for you

at first i was thinking i’d write about the LIs saving MC from the lab, but i had a hard time getting into that scenario, so instead let’s say MC was trapped in the lab for a few days and managed to escape and find a way home

Asra

has spent the last few days scouring every last inch of the city and forest for you, barely breaking to sleep or eat or anything else – how is he supposed to go about his usual activities when he doesn’t know if you’re safe? He hasn’t been this frantic since… since a time he doesn’t want to think about

it’s an honest stroke of good luck that he’s there to answer the shop’s door when you knock; he’s hardly spent a moment there since he realized he didn’t know where you were, and if he hadn’t come back to check, you two may have missed each other entirely

but he IS there, and you’re right there, right across the threshold, appearing from thin air just as quickly as you disappeared, and his heart drops because you’ve been put through your paces and it Shows, painfully clear; he can’t pull you into his arms fast enough

and he struggles to let go of you, to let you stray from the safety of his embrace after days of thinking he might have lost you again, but he knows he has to – you might have wounds that need washing and bandaging, and you probably need a few hours (or days) of sleep, and who knows the last time you ate?

the whole situation is overwhelming, to put it lightly, and it’s hard for him to know how to react, how to process his own feelings, so, hoping that the rest will come to him in time, he focuses on the one thing he does know: how to take care of you

And then what happens from here? He takes good care of you, makes sure you have everything you could ever want, then once you’re ready to talk about it he’ll listen, of course he’ll listen, it’s asra, and he’ll get so mad on the inside that anyone would ever think of doing those things to you, much less actually do them, so valdemar is on his shit list now, he’s gonna do so much research on demons to figure out how to get rid of that green goblin for good, but he’s also gonna comfort you by being with you and promising to protect you and putting more protective charms on the shop and showing you neat magical things and telling you fun stories in an effort to distract you, he’ll do whatever it takes to get your mind off that horrible experience, he’ll pull the most outrageous pranks just to see you smile, to hear you laugh, find you the silliest and cutest little trinkets, lead you in breathing exercises, in meditation, and he’s in it for the long haul

Nadia

has obviously been in shambles without you but has organized a very impressive search effort, so when you just show up in her chambers, traumatized and terrified bc valdemar could be nearby, she’s put through a whole range of emotions

Maybe you’re hiding under the bed or something and nadia can find you that way, and you can try to explain what happened, and nadia will definitely believe you, but banishing a literal demon might be tricky

That’s not to say nadia doesn’t try, doesn’t call in the absolute best to ensure the demon doesn’t become a problem again, but valdemar is slippery and they could still be out there somewhere

So nadia increases security and is there for you as much as she can be, even though she can’t relate to your experience at all and therefore isn’t sure if she can say anything helpful, she still can validate your feelings and cuddle you and stuff

She can also have that lab destroyed, maybe even totally filled in so no one can use the space ever again and you’ll never be forced to go down there as long as you live