#i have so many words to say about my love/hate for odd :'D

[0ddbugs]

ty for tag wren!! hmmmmmm... I tend to like characters that have a lot of responsibility and struggle with it ajdksh 1. Leo (like Pal I have to say that I really adore 2012 leo) 2. Casey Jones (any version no contest including Cassandra) 3. Cyclops/ Scott Summers (funny we both have x-men but I love him) 4. Jonathan Byers (a really good big brother) 5. Odd Thomas (my weird book choice i guess. it's hard for me to describe why i like him so much because i also hate how he's written sometimes; you can definitely tell it was by a boomer. gahhh dlskjadkjl)

edit: also like pal - redline and the other project are my biggest comfort characters.

i dont know who to tag i'm sorry

five comfort characters, five tags

(had to start a new thread, got too long) thanks for tagging me @loulooser ooh i like this okay - nick nelson (osemanverse) - aled last (osemanverse) - peeta mellark (hunger games) - linh song (keeper of the lost cities) - xavier hawthorne (the inheritance games)

tagging @lyssified @mister3127 @raeny-nights-and-faery-lights @weirdo09 @charliethinks

[sephirothsplaything]

DNA| Sec.80 high power-chapter 17

A/N: Baela im srry for giving you such an emotionally stunted little sister! I am very proud of this chapter btw(i barely edited this)

Rhaella ur mommy would be so proud of you!!

This is the story of Lady Rhaella Targaryen the I;the strange one and her role in the Dance Of Dragons. Loved by few and feared by many.

The blood of the dragon runs in Targaryen's veins. Something else runs in Rhaella.

BLACK TARGARYEN OC/READER

PARINGS: Aemond,Cregan,slight Jace,slight Addam,original charecter

read the last chapter here!

......

WHAT KIND OF ELDER SISTER WAS SHE? Baela thought she was no longer befitting of the title. Rhaena was in the Vale alone, while Rhaella was…

Baela was no longer privy to Rhaella's doings as of late. Her younger sister had grown quite disconnected from the rest of them.

"Please sit, you'll tire yourself." Jace urged her. He watched in slight distress as his betrothed paced back and forth restlessly.

"My grandmother is fighting alone Jace!" Baela exclaimed. "And here we are just sitting around."

Jacaerys grabbed her hand gently sitting her down. The action made her relax slightly, but her mind was still racing.

"I don't like it either, but without Daemon we are stretched quite thin." He said, brow furrowing.

An uneasy silence settled over them both. They had dragons and yet the queen would not allow them to act. How would a victory ever be gained?

"I hate the way the lords treat me as if I am some coddled princeling," Jace muttered, making Baela chuckle a little.

"You are the crown prince and heir to the throne, you must act carefully." Baela reminded.

Jace hummed in thought. "Perhaps I am not completely stuck here."

Baela raised a brow, worried Jace was about to say something reckless.

"Rhaella mentioned House Frey, they have yet to choose," Jace said.

"She spoke with complete disregard for her grace, and you're here considering it?" Baela said.

It had not escaped her notice that Jace seemed to be particularly in tune regarding Rhaella's opinions. She wondered if she had missed something between them---Rhaella had not always cared for Jace until lately, while the prince thought her sister strange.

Their dynamic was quite odd to witness.

Jace stood, hand still intertwined with Baela's. He couldn't wait around any longer.

"I shall take Vermax and go myself." Jace decided. Baela shook her head.

"Her grace will not like it."

Jace placed a kiss onto her hand. "She will not know until I am long gone."

With that, he leaves Baela alone in her chamber. Jace's words stuck to her. It was not in her nature to sit idly. The least she could do was scout the battle.

So, the lady Baela with her brave spirit dawned her riding attire. She waited for a beat of time to ensure Jace had left and also that she would not be spotted.

There was one person she had not accounted for as she marched towards the dragon pits though.

Still lingering around the caves was Rhaella, stuck in a daze of sorts.

"Sister?" Baela called, bringing her out of it.

"Jace left," Rhaella said softly, her eyes were unblinking. It greatly unnerved Baela to no end.

"Yes, but he should be back soon," Baela responded. Rhaella took in her outfit, face changing into something far more expressive.

"And you're leaving as well?" Baela nodded.

"I am going to Rooks Rest."

Rhaella's eyes widened. "You mustn't!"

Baela scoffed, adjusting her glove.

"It was naught but hours ago you were calling for action," Baela said. "It was you who agreed I should've burnt Criston Cole."

Rhaella's behavior practically changed on a head, in a rather inhumane way. She gripped Baela's arm with a tight further.

"Moondancer cannot withstand Vhagar, do not be foolish," Rhaella said.

"And our grandmother shouldn't bear the burden alone," Baela responded.

Surely Rhaella knew that.

"And father..only the Gods know what he's doing at Harrenhal." Baela continued. She gestured to a dragonkeeper to summon her dragon.

"I doubt the Gods are with him," Rhaella muttered.

"Do not say such things." Baela scolded. Rhaella shrugged.

The chitters of the she-dragon bounced through the cave. Baela smiled warmly at the sight of Moondancer, patting her side.

The dragon nestled into Baela's touch, then turning her gaze to Rhaella expectedly.

Sighing, the girl gave in, petting Moondancers green scales lightly.

"Umbagon qana ,mandia." Rhaella resigned.'Stay sharp, sister' She knew better than to waste her breath any further in convincing Baela to stay.

"You know I shall," Baela assured. Mounting her dragon, she took off from the cave and into the skies.

Moondancer zipped through the skies swiftly. In truth, Baela had given little thought as to a plan. If it was Sunfyre and Aegon she'd be met with, perhaps she could manage an attack. Meleyes could more than handle the pair.

The wind whipped through Baela's short hair that was bound together in a ponytail.

It did not take long for her to arrive to the sight, though she smelled the battle before seeing it. The acrid smell of ash and blood permeated the air, causing Baela's eyes to sting.

There were bodies strewn on the ground, bloody and broken. Baela's stomach turned but tried to hold fast. She gripped the reins of Moondancer tighter, directing her through the mess.

Enemy soldiers shouted in response to her presence, some recognizing her from a fortnight ago when she chased Cole through the valley.

But what Baela saw caused the world around her to become completely mute.'

Princess Rhaenys Targaryen, her beloved grandmother. Falling to the ground utop a limp, likely dead Meleyes.

Down to the ruble, Rhaenys fell. Baela screamed a choked-out cry, a futile attempt indeed.

Over the fallen dragon was Aemond atop Vhagar, looking more than proud of himself.

Him. He who had now taken the last piece of her heart. Aemond had served as a living slight to Baela's entire life.

First, he steals her mother's dragon, robbing Rhaena an attempt to claim her. Then,he slew their sweet cousin, Luke, for he was but a boy.

Somehow, he had managed to steal Rhaella's complete affection and reasoning--Causing a rift between the sisters.

And now, Aemond felt entitled to take the life of her grandmother?

Baela would not have it.

Adjusting herself on Moondacer,Baela dipped lower to the ground.

Rageful, she burned a chunk of the greens army. Moondancer's fire was not especially large.

But fire does not burn the flesh of men any less; Baela blocked out the pained cries of the soldiers. One thing plagued her mind.

Aemond must pay. He must die.

She charged Moondancer towards Vhagar brazenly, causing Aemond to take notice.

Aemond wondered if it was even worth it to slay such a tiny dragon. He certainly had no love for Baela, savage thing she was.

He wouldn't even need to burn her--Vhagar could eat them both in one go. Aemond steered his dragon to Baela, wondering if she really would attack.

At that moment, Baela seemed to snap out of her intentions, hastily turning Moondancer to flee.

Aemond knew he couldn't catch her, the dragon she possessed was far too quick. Still, he cruelly gave chase as best he could.

No real intention of killing her, and Rhaella would never forgive him. Defeating Rhaenys however, was necessary. She would come to understand it.

Aemond had much to celebrate, the title of prince regent was a breath away from him.

Baela's hair was in disarray, cheeks strewn with tears like the sea. She came here to do nothing, to do naught but watch the murder of her grandmother.

She flew back to Dragonstone---The dragonkeepers guided Moondancer back to the caves.

Baela stumbled out of the pits, halting momentarily to wipe her face. Rhaella would break at the news, and the eldest must stay strong.

She must stay strong.

Upon her return, she saw the members of the council, Queen Rhaenyra in talks with them. Rhaella looked distracted, her brows were furrowed in torment.

Baela nearly did not have the heart to add to it.

"I am told you went to Rooks Rest, without my permission no less." Queen Rhaenyra began, chiding the girl for being so reckless.

When Baela raised her head, Rhaenyra stopped abruptly.

"My grandmother has been slain."

Jace stepped forward slightly, wishing nothing more than to hold Baela.

"By Aegon?" Rhaenyra's voice broke slightly.

"Aemond." Baela could feel her eyes watering once more. She met the gaze of Rhaella--Her younger sister did not cry, nor did her face betray any emotion.

It enraged Baela, how she stood abnormally still.

"This atrocity must be swiftly answered!" Ser Alfred said others agreed.

Baela ignored them, still staring at Rhaella, whose eyes fluttered ever so slightly.

Something of a half whimper left Rhaella's lips--She moved to flee the room, likely to be alone.

"Rhaella, you must-" Jace tried, reaching out to her.

"Fuck off," Rhaella said, a coldness in her voice as she shoved past him.

"Clear the room." Queen Rhaenyra ordered. As the lords filed out, Baela ran to Jace, tears fully making themselves known.

Baela shook in his embrace as he held her tighter. In the midst of sorrow, she silently apologized to her grandmother. She tried to be brave, like her mother when she was consumed by Vhagar's flames or like Rhaenys herself in her final moments.

"Baela, come with me." Queen Rhaenyra says softly.

"But mother-" Jace tries. Baela clearly needed him, now more than ever.

"It's alright, Jace," Baela said, leaving him for Rhaenyra.

Baela and Rhaenyra entered the queen's quarters. They sat down together, Baela's sobs had been dimmed to sniffles.

"Where do you think Rhaella went?" Rhaenyra spoke first, she placed a gentle hand on Baela's leg.

"Who could know?" Baela said."She's like father in that way, fleeing when things become too much."

Rhaenyra nodded. She knew of Daemon's views regarding Rhaella. He would complain that she is silently flippant, opposing him at every turn.

However, in the same breath, he'd admit that her mind had to be some sort of weapon.

"Your grandmother was the fiercest among us, in her love and opinions," Rhaenyra said.

Baela smiled bitterly. "My mother used to tell me stories of how she used to scold her and my uncle, but could never in truth stay angry."

"Ah." Rhaenyra smiled at the incoming memories, back when things were much more simple. "I recall her being cross when Daemon fought for your mother's hand."

"They always have been at odds, but alas they were cousins," Baela said.

"I think.." Rhaenyra began, turning to Baela. "I fear there is something wrong with Rhaella."

Baela sighed,at least she was not the only one to notice.

"Sometimes, I hear to speaking to herself in her chamber," Baela admitted.

Rhaenyra's face contorted in confusion.

"She does not sleep, though she tries."

"Perhaps I should have sent her to Pentos, or away with Rhaena," Rhaenyra said.

Baela chuckled. "She'd sooner flee to the Red Keep." As the words left her mouth, she thought of Aemond--The jest instantly became unfunny.

"Well." Rhaenyra huffed. "Let us hope, for our sake, she finds what she is looking for."

........

RHAELLA SCREAMED UNTIL HER THROAT WAS RAW.

Still, though, she could not summon a single tear. Her exhaustion ate away at her but still could not find sleep.

She sat in The Cannibal's still empty cave, clutching the dragon hairpin her grandmother had gifted her.

She was gone. Rhaella felt a numbness overtake her body.

There might have been a slight sense of guilt when she thought of Aemond. However, it was nothing but apathy.

He was enjoying himself right now,Rhaella was sure. Reveling in the death of her grandmother. Aemond was likely with that bed whore Astris had mentioned.

Surely he was fond of her. Aemond still had plenty of people to care for around him, while Rhaella's numbers were dwindling.

The thought alone--Of Aemond happy by himself filled her with an unholy rage.

Placing the pin back in her hair, Rhaella decided to take an act she never thought was possible to do.

Rhaella went to her knees. Praying.

She had never prayed,or offered thanks to the Gods--Why should she?

But now, she was desperate.

Rhaella didn't even know to whom she was supposed to pray.

Perhaps…. the presence who had made himself known to her? He had plagued her with dreams and whispers. Somehow, this felt natural.

"Please." Rhaella began. She was not entirely sure what she was asking for.

Death? Mercy? A chance to prove herself?

Why not all?

"Take my soul if it so pleases you, but make me strong in return."

Rhaella clasped her hands tighter together, her scarred palms rubbed together.

"Make me powerful, grant me divine violence, and make thick my blood."

Rhaella decided she had voiced all her desires properly, she waited.

For what, she was not so sure. A sign? Or perhaps the God in question will take pity and strike her down.

What a silly girl she was.

As she raised her head, the unmistakable roars of a dragon made the cave rumble.

Her Aegarax. The Cannibal dragon.

Rhaella ran, faster than anything she ever had before. Her cloak flung behind her as she stumbled to see him.

The Cannibal landed onto the sand,staring at her. Rhaella's panted breaths slowed as all she could do was return the act.

Could this be?

As if it was a response of some kind,The Cannibal bent his neck for her.

This wild dragon, whom had killed and eaten scores of men crouched for her.

"Gods be good." Rhaella said in disbelief. She approached slowly with some semblance of confidence present.

"Aegarax?" Rhaella said, slowly reaching a hand to his nose. He leaned forward, into her touch.

"Lykiri," Rhaella spoke for good measure.

She hoisted herself on top of him, holding onto his horns. The feeling of his warmed scales underneath her was incomparable. Like a true bond.

Aegarax raised up again, stretching his wings. Rhaella briefly wondered if he would throw her off.

The Cannibal spread his wings further, beginning to walk forward.

Then he flew--Up into the skies he went, and Rhaella could do little but hold on for dear life.

Her cloak whipped behind her as well did her hair in the wind. For a time, she dared not move, seizing in place.

She was on a dragon. No, she was riding her dragon.

Sitting up slightly, Rhaella readjusted her grip onto the spikes on his back.

She looked up to the skies, passing through clouds. The air felt slightly cooler at this height.

A fit of shocked laughter left her. Rhaella tried to recall the books she had read as a child, how she watched other riders fly with their dragons.

But they had saddles, and she had nothing. Rhaella moved along with Aegarax's rhythm. The Cannibal was a little rash in his flight as he sped through the air.

At one time, Rhaella used to think that she would prefer a much slower dragon.

Clearly, her mind was changed in an instant. It occurred to her that she was hardly controlling him in any particular direction, but she hardly cared.

Aegarax could fly her well into the east for all she cared. Rhaella closed her eyes, savoring the feeling of her bond.

It was not until she reopened her eyes did Rhaella realized she was nearing Kings Landing.

Cursing, she gripped onto the cannibal's horns for control.

"Daor kesīr!" Rhaella urged 'Not here!'

After a few attempts, Aegarax detoured the path to Kings Landing, instead hovering over the woods nearby.

They very well could've been spotted, shot down even.

"Tegun kesīr" Rhaella directed, nearly sternly.'Land here.'

Through the short exchange, Rhaella found that Aegarax responded better to sharp and direct commands.

The Cannibal settled to the ground,Rhaella reluctantly jumped down from him.

Her legs wobbled, adjusting to the gravity.

Why did he bring her here, of all places? Aegarax's head plopped to the ground as if he had done his part in full.

Petting his side absentmindedly, Rhaella thought about what to do next.

If they were now bonded, perhaps he was in tune to her desires.

That brothel whore, the one who keeps Aemond company.

Rhaella raised the hood of her cloak over her head, concealing her silver locks.

Keeping her head down, she walked to the inner cities of Kings Landing. The place was just as packed as it was last time she ventured here.

Smelled twice as awful too.

Walking through the streets of Flea Bottom, Rhaella listened in for any information.

People here were starving and angry. They knew not who was leading them as Aegon seemed to disappear.

Rhaella hoped he was dead.

In the sea of people,one girl caught her eye.

It was Elinda, maid to the Queen Rhaenyra. But what was she doing here?

Rhaella hurried to catch up with her and once she was within reach she grabbed her.

"Elinda." Rhaella hissed.

"My lady?" She said once she realized who held her arm. "Why are you here?"

"Why are you here?" Rhaella asked.

Elinda looked around cautiously. "I was sent here by the queen,she has a plan."

Plan? Rhaella was sure Mysaria was involved.

Elinda took in Rhaella's silence. "Come with me."

The maid directed Rhaella to one of the houses. Inside was a plump looking girl, sitting with Astris.

At the sight of Rhaella, Astris jumped from her seat.

"My lady?"

Rhaella breathed out in relief. "So you're ok."

Astris held Rhaella's hands, taking her in.

"How did you come here?" Astris asked. "By boat?"

Rhaella shook her head,taking a seat.

"My dragon." The sentence felt foreign on her tounge,but she supposed it would take some getting used to.

"What!" Astris exclaimed. "You finally claimed him?"

Rhaella's lips twitched onto a smile.

"I did."

"I am glad of it but you must return," Elinda said. Rhaella removed her hood and sat down. Noticing Rhaella's loose hair, Astris's fingers began to braid it, almost instinctively.

"I think i would rather hear about this plan." Rhaella said.

"The queen shall send food to the city," the girl blurted out. When Rhaella's attention turned to her, she blushed profusely.

"Do say it louder, Diana, so the whole city might hear you," Astris muttered sarcastically.

So the queen had considered using the people's hunger, originally Rhaella's own suggestion.

"The queen and lady Mysaria have seen to it themselves," Elinda added.

Rhaella adjusted her head slightly as Astris continued to braid.

"And when is this to happen?" Rhaella asked.

"On the morrow," Diana replied.

Come daylight, fleeing the city would be harder. Whatever she indened to do must be done this very night.

"Aegon is abed with injuries,I hear." Astris said,hands falling from Rhaella's hair.

"I hope he dies." Diana said.

Rhaella smirked. At least her grandmother hadn't gone without doing damange.

"The council has crowned Aemond prince regent," Elinda said.

"I'm sure he is positively gloating about that." Rhaella said.

It was almost funny--They both achieved something they've been longing for since childhood.

Aemond wished to be above his brother, seated on the throne.

Rhaella wished for a power,a dragon.

"He has already ordered the city gates shut, there is hardly food here," Astris says.

If Aemond got so much as an inkling that there was a plot,all the small folk would suffer for it.

"Aemond needs to be subdued in some way, at least for a time." Rhaella suggested.

Astris stood up, walking to a table laid with all sorts of books and plants. "Are you offering yourself up, my lady?"

"If you offer something I can use on him, then perhaps," Rhaella said.

Astris hummed, grabbed a book, and disappeared to the back.

"There is more." Elinda said. "The Queen has ordered me to collect any possible bastards with Targaryen blood."

"To what end?" Rhaella fiddled with her braid.

"From what I understand, there could be potential dragon riders among them."

Bastards on dragons? What a wretched idea. All her life she spent dragonless till now,and some scrappy commoner would mount one so easily?

It was nothing short of an insult. She decided to leave it to her grace,and wanted no parts of it.

Soon, Astris returned a vial of some sort in hand. Placing it on the table, she looked to Rhaella expectantly.

"What is it?" Diana asks. Rhaella picked it up; it was filled with a clear liquid, looking still like water.

"If she pours enough of it into his wine, he'll eventually enter a deep sleep," Astris says.

Meaning,Rhaella must find a way to get close--Perhaps in his chamber.

"It is dangoures!" Diana exclaimed. "She'll surely die."

"Perhaps." Rhaella mused. She had no intention of dying this night,not after the great feat she accomplished.

"Her grace would not have you put yourself in harms way." Elinda said. Rhaella ignored her, shoving the vile in her cloak.

"Astris?" Elinda tried. "The queen did not order for this."

The Pentoshi girl smiled flippantly, eyes fixed onto Rhaella. "I only serve my lady."

Elinda watched the two in half horror. Mysaria was right, Astris and Rhaella were quite the frightening match.

"I shall return, later into the night," Rhaella announced, raising up the hood of her cloak.

She slipped her dagger under the band of her stocking. "If morning comes and I still have not returned, I've been slain."

In truth,Rhaella sincerly douted that Aemond would hurt her. As it stood,she had much and more a reason to harm him.

"My lady?" Astris said,catching Rhaella's attention. "How would you like to proceed?"

Rhaella thought for a moment. She required more information before throwing herself into certain death.

"That brothel harlot," Rhaella stated, her violet eyes darkened. "I want to see her."

[fandoomrants]

FINAL THOUGHTS ON TUA S4/TUA IN GENERAL

First of all, I can't believe I make this account because of this show and waited excitedly for 2 years only to feel so numb right now...

Unlike some people I didn't hate season 3. Season 2 is still my favourite but 3 wasn't that bad, just a bit odd. And there were many directions where things could have went.

Mostly spoiler-free, for season 4 I can say:

-It did answer some long awaited answers but I feel like it didn't answer everything, some things were just vague mentions, and it also created more questions.

-I feel like either some actors were busy, or didn't want to return, because there were characters I expected to see but they were either not mentioned, or vaguely addressed, which was disappointing.

-The ending somewhat wasn't terrible, I have always assumed something like that might have to happen, yet I hated how by the time it did, all the characters were so ruined that I couldn't feel even a bit bad for most.

Now, I'll get into some more details about the things I liked, and the ones I didn't.

Spoilers ahead:

Things I DIDN'T LIKE:

-I already ranted a lot about this in my comments while watching but - Five and Lila! I like(d?) both characters and I thought the journey they had from constantly fighting enemies to reluctant allies to friends who relied on each other, was great. Loved their scenes in the beginning of episode 5.... And then wanted to jump out of somewhere. The thing is, I don't exactly hate the way it happened. I hate the fact that it 1) happened when Lila was already with Diego, and had THREE kids with him, that was basically cheating, and 2) the fact that in the end, it didn't bring anything to the plot. Diego and Five fought almost until the end, and it was uncalled for. It didn't bring the characters' development anything. It turned Lila into a cheater and Five.... Well, I've said before that I didn't see him as aro/ace like some other people, but I didn't see anything that this brought for him. I just think they worked better platonically altogether, because they went a long way and nothing suggested anything between them.

And this also leads to...

-Diego and Lila. For me, they were sorta relationship goals. They were constantly bickering and fighting but it was their thing. They were on the border of toxic sometimes but somehow managed to stick together. So how did this happen?! It could have went a whole another way. Diego realised he really loved her and wanted to be with her. I think that I would have accepted it if she and Five had kissed or something, and she had realised she loves Diego too, and returned to him, but no. In the end, it's unclear what she even feels for him.

-Lack of interactions between Klaus and Ben. Okay, I know this isn't the OG Ben Klaus spent years with, but in s3, Klaus was the one who constantly tried to reach out to him and convince the others to give him a chance. Now, nothing. Luther was the one who interacted with him and looked after him, and then later Viktor. I get it that Klaus had other stuff on his head but it was a weird development, and it felt even a bit OOC.

-The lack of closure to some characters relationships altogether. Ben... Just turned into a monster with Jennifer, didn't get the chance to interact with the rest again. Ray was mentioned to have "walked away", Allison never mentioned him. She spent the whole season 3 ranting like mad, now only Klaus said a word. We didn't even get to learn what happened exactly. And in this universe, was Claire his daughter or no?! Also. Luther literally mentioned Sloane once. Never heard about her again. Like, maybe he had searched for her but it wasn't mentioned at all. Dave also wasn't mentioned even once. Sissy wasn't mentioned. Now, I know all if these characters were from other timelines but they were loved by the Umbrellas, and in previous seasons, they mentioned them, and wanted to find them. Now, not one mention... Even the Sparrows were barely mentioned. Nobody mentioned Pogo. Or OG Grace (well, the robot one they called "mum". Not the real one from the 60ies). I just feel like these were left as some plot holes. I get that the last two weren't exactly needed here, but there could have been at least a mention. They were from the original timeline, the siblings had spend their whole lives with them.

-Gene and Jean. I get it. Every season has some "villain" character(s), but I just really disliked these two for some reason. Won't even elaborate.

-Not even one dance, except for Gene and Jean. All seasons had at least one iconic dance.

-The music, now, I won't complain too much about it, but all seasons had some great songs. Here we had them too, but we mostly listened to Baby Shark, which was hilarious but also a bit weird.

-No epic battle scenes. Well, Luther and Diego had something of the sort, but the end battle was pretty lame, imo.

-They got back their powers, and some of them had new powers too, but it was all unexplained. What happened with Lila, what were these laser eyes?! Also, Allison got new powers, never used the old ones again (I kinda get it, tho). Klaus.... Presumably got the floating? Which was supposed to be a thing in general? But in any case, none of this was explained! I thought at first that they got the powers some of the other children like them had but we didn't learn that. Also, Diego, Luther, Viktor, Five, Ben didn't get any new powers. Diego did something weird at one point but his whole thing was controlling flying objects and I don't count it. And Five's arriving at the station isn't exactly a new power. Ben's was a result of touching Jennifer. Nothing new for them, otherwise.

-Speaking of getting back their powers, no epic battle and all, here's another thing. In s2, in the beginning, and then the end, it was epic! They were all fighting with all they had, unlocking new ways to fight and all. I believe they were at their peak. Five also managed to get a few seconds back in time, Klaus was able to control armies of ghosts. Here, none of that. They were pretty weak. And maybe it was a side effect of just getting their powers back, but it was disappointing. Klaus didn't go back to alcohol and drugs, yet he only saw one ghost of a random guy, then a dog. They could have made the ending at least a bit more epic.

-In the end, the Umbrellas ceased to exist but.... What about the rest of the special children?! This Ben wasn't even from the Umbrella Academy. And ok, in the end, only these got their powers back in this timeline but surely, the thing with the branching timelines must apply to all 40-something. So how only 7 gave up their powers in one universe, and things got back to normal?

-All in all, the weird pacing and vibe. It wasn't as serious as season one, or chaotic as season 2 and 3. There were barely moments that made me truly laugh, and some characters were OOC. And some didn't really get to achieve anything. Viktor, with his whole plan on helping Ben, achieved nothing. Five kinda ruined his brother's family. Klaus... He also didn't achieve anything, in the end Allison saved him yet again. And while it was cute, it also was, I feel, a step back from his characterisation because he was shown as quite adaptive and able to get away from a bad situation. Allison pretty much only saved Klaus. Diego had a family drama, but nothing much. Luther.... He was just there. Ben's arc was ok but I hated how little time he had with the rest, in the end, he never got to feel as part of the team, and Lila just... Ruined her family for someone who is both around 20 years older and 20 years younger than her at the same time.

-This one is pretty much for humour purposes but - Luther without pants way too much!

-I feel like I must be forgetting something but I'll just move on to...

Things I LIKED:

-Claire having much more screen time and actually being a developed character, rather than just someone staying there for the sake of Allison!

-Claire and Allison, and especially Claire and Klaus's relationship! I feel like Klaus would be good with kids, and even change his ways because of them. (He sorta did, despite walking away at one point. I like to think that spending time with Allison and Claire helped him get clean.)

-Allison and Klaus! I mentioned in another post that I've noticed that they were closer even in season 1, where they interact much less hostile and with more fondness that with the rest of their family, in flashbacks he comforts her when they get their tattoos, etc. And then, of course, their reunion in s2. In s3, we didn't get much of them but I loved them in s4.

-Allison and Viktor taking care of each other! These two had some really rocky relationship throughout all of the seasons but they still cared for each other in a way that was different than the rest. They had the true sibling bond but I think by the end, they also learned to be friends.

-Viktor in general. The only character that didn't once irritate me with a decision he made. I feel sorta sorry for him because he seemed to care for everyone. Allison, after all she did, Ben, although this isn't the one he knew. He got to clear things with this version of Reginald, too. Generally loved him here.

-Now I'm a bit bitter-sweet about that, seeing how things developed but, Lila and Diego's daughter named Grace!

-Even more bitter-sweet, and tiny bit hippocratic but Lila and Five, before that one development in ep 5. They could have truly had a good and normal PLATONIC bond.

-Allison, somewhat. She's one of my least favourite characters, especially after season 3, tho she wasn't my fave before that either but here I liked her.

-Luther somehow didn't irritate me either, although I didn't like him much too, before.

-Klaus has always been my favourite and even though I didn't quite like all that happened, I liked his development, his desire to be sober, and his unwillingness to get his powers back. I think he had lots of potential, and obviously most of his problems came from his powers.

-Despite everything, the last scene, with all the characters we've seen before, being happy and all that. Agnes and Hazel! For some reason, loved that even in this timeline, without all else, they found each other! And the fact that the kids of the Umbrellas were still there. This is a tiny bit of a plot hole on it's own but it was a nice scene.

-And finally, somewhat learning how Five founded the Comission, and finally learning what the "Jennifer Incident" was!

[angrylittletrashpanda]

What's wrong with the Aemond and Helaena duo (2)?

I totally understand people dislike h🦝laemond as a romantic relationship and I’m totally fine with it. Not everybody needs to ship the ships I enjoy just because I enjoy them lmfao. However, I find it really odd many “antis” seem to hate merely the idea of A🦝mond having a fondness for his sister (even in the totally non-Targaryen way). Which  was btw confirmed by one of the show’s directors (according to her words, this sort of connection between the siblings was established by the showrunners themselves) and the actors.

Here, I must admit I really hate it how heavily sexualized the character of A🦝mond is (among his stans). It appears to me this attitude *may* have something to do with the fact his every relationship has to be eroticized (thank goodness A🦝mond doesn’t have any cats, dogs, hamsters, rats, spiders, pet opossums or any other small domestic animals who could easily sleep with him in one bed, lmfao). In my view, it’s entirely possible to create a compelling character, villain or hero, without delving into their sexuality. Sometimes, it feels as if stans wanted to reduce A🦝mond to some AO3 YA novel bad boy, who’s terrible to everybody but his “canon love interest” A🦝ys. Yet again, there is nothing wrong with having those Disney-esque a🦝ysmond headcanons. Those are definitely not my cup of tea, especially given I’ve never perceived A🦝mond’s relationship with A🦝ys as romantic. To me, it was just a story about a cunning woman taking her revenge on the guy who had murdered her family and enslaved her. I was cheering when book A🦝ys successfully brought A🦝mond to his death. I simply despise book A🦝mond and ship him only with the Dark Sister, lol and definitely don’t want him anywhere near H🦝laena, A🦝ys, his Baratheon fiancée or any woman, lol. If in the show, they totally retcon A🦝ys, and suddenly stops to gaf about the prophecy and her friend D🦝mon just to become A🦝mond’s cute little wife (which I doubt), I will just say “well, good for the shippers” and just do my things.

As for A🦝mond’s relationship with his sister – I think it quite makes sense for him to perceive H🦝laena in a totally different way than he perceives his brother A🦝gon. In my view, it’s only natural for him not to feel uncomfortable in her presence or even gloss over the fact she still sees him as the child he used to be not so long ago (a friendly reminder, show A🦝mond is like, 17-18…) because he doesn’t have any painful childhood memories associated with H🦝laena. For example, he has no clue she foresaw him losing his eye and surely never used to bully him alongside their brother and nephews. I think it would be a real pity to cut siblings’ dynamics from a  family drama. Especially given how deliciously twisted and tenebrous their relationship can turn out after the power shift between them!

[solarmorrigan]

Hello! I was tagged for this by the marvelous @paperbackribs about... *checks watch* four months ago! I'm so late, I'm sorry, time is meaningless and slippery!

How many works do you have on AO3? 300 (!)

What’s your total AO3 word count? 976,101

What fandoms do you write for?

At the moment, I'm only writing for Stranger Things, but I've written things for about 40ish fandoms over the years.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

In Phony Matrimony [Fantastic Beasts]

Shared Space [Homestuck]

Simple Association [James Bond - Craig movies]

Made with Love (and Yarn) [Stranger Things]

These Days I'm Fine (These Days I Tend to Lie) [Stranger Things]

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to! I used to get fewer comments, and it was easier to respond to each of them. Having recently been in some much larger fandoms, though, I've kind of been getting overwhelmed and have fallen behind. I'm so grateful that people take the time to even just send a little heart--to tell me that they read this thing and enjoyed it--and I'd love to respond to everyone, but at this rate I'm not quite sure I'll manage to catch up D:

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably either For the Love of You (James Bond, established 00Q, in which Bond is forced to go after Q when he turns out to be a traitor) or either of the fics in the Forever and Ever, Amen series (also James Bond, 00Q, in which Q is a necromancer and won't let Bond die). I've written other dark things, but I tend towards hopeful endings even with those

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most things I've written! I'm a big fan of happily ever after and I write a lot of short fluff pieces. But as far as fics where the happy ending is sort of earned, I'd say maybe He Dreams, Until Such Time (Hades game, gen, in which Hypnos is the Elysium boss fight after having been banished from the House, and Zagreus finds a way to get him back in) or We Have Surplus If We Need It (Pacific Rim, established Newmann, in which Newt tries to figure out who he is in a post-kaiju world and cooks a lot about it)

Do you get hate on fics?

Not particularly. I've gotten a few randos trying to tell me off for writing slash, and one or two people who were clearly just mad at a specific trope and happened to land on my fic, but I've been very fortunate to get largely positive feedback

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do! I'm not sure it's exactly my strongest suit (and, in fact, often worry that it's not very good at all), but I guess I keep at it?? I've written PWP and plotularly significant smut before; whatever serves my purposes at the time

Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Not often, but I have! The first fic I ever tried writing on my own was a Buffy/Scooby-Doo crossover, and I've written a fair bit for Gravity Falls/Over the Garden Wall. Not sure how wild either of those are, though?

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I've been alerted to, but I've been posting fic for something like 20 years now, so it wouldn't surprise me if at least one of them has cropped up elsewhere under someone else's name

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yyyyyes...? Pretty sure I remember that happening! I think it was over on ff dot net, so I don't remember which one it was. Good odds it was one of my Criminal Minds fics, though

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

A few times! I've done RP-style co-writing, round robins, half-and-half, and just plain collaborating. Most of them never reached the point of being able to publish, but they were still fun

What’s your all time favorite ship?

Gotta confess: I don't think I have one. My favorite is usually whatever I'm focusing on at the time; I don't dislike ones I've shipped previously, but they tend to settle fondly into the background once I've left a fandom

What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I had a whole Stranger Things fic planned out exploring the potential relationship between Steve and his mom, and I'd love to get at least the bare bones of that done, but there's something about it that just kind of refuses to come

What are your writing strengths?

Characterization and emotion. Emotion is something I feel like I don't identify particularly well in real life, but I think I'm pretty good at getting the intended response from people in my writing. (Also maybe dialogue, but that's just so fun to write)

What are your writing weaknesses?

I! Am! Impatient! I tend to rush through things sometimes and screw the pacing up or skip over important details because I worry writing it out in full will take too long and I'll lose interest. I can also get a little too rigid in trying to achieve a particular outcome, instead of letting the story flow

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I don't tend to do it, but that's because I'm only fluent in English and don't want to jar anyone with a bad auto-translate job. If someone is speaking another language, I usually try to find a way to signify that based on whether or not the POV character also knows that language

First fandom you wrote for?

It was either HP (forgive me, this was over 20 years ago) or Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Scooby-Doo (crossover fic I wrote when I was, like, nine?)

Favorite fic you’ve written?

Ever?? In my life?? My dude, I could pick a favorite per fandom maybe, but just straight up favorite?? I cannot. Of things written more recently, I'm very fond of Under My Skin (Steddie, exploring the possibility of Steve with physical scars). Of things written slightly less recently, I still have a complicated soft spot for We Have Surplus If We Need It

Gently tagging (if you've already done this, I'm sorry, just ignore me): @spiritofcamelot @ato-the-bean @puppy-steve @emchant3d @lexirosewrites

[i-did-not-mean-to]

20 questions for fic writers

Thank you so much @thenookienostradamus and @lordoftherazzles for the tag...

Let's see...

1. How many works do you have on Ao3? 554 (with two not revealed yet as we speak...). Many of those are collections, though.

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 1,986,915 (erm...yeah...well)

3. What fandoms do you write for? Tolkien (The Hobbit, LOTR, The Silm). (+ the odd AU or Richard Armitage movie)

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? Tumblr Imagines (Wild Mix of everything) , October 2022 Ficlet run (same), A key change (Remix Fic), Black (Thorin x OC), Silm imagines and ficlets (Wild Mix again)

5. Do you respond to comments? Yes, in due time. I struggle a lot with being overwhelmed at times (imposter syndrome, fear of not knowing what to say, comments heaping up), but I am so thankful for every comment that I do try to answer them all in a timely manner.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I've written about 1k fics; I do not remember all of them :s I generally don't write angst, so I really couldn't say. Sorry :(

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Everything? I am a Happy Ending person, so most of my fics (eventually) get a happy ending :D

8. Do you get hate on fics? Not yet (crossed fingers). At times, I get comments I don't really understand (autism ahoi), but I hope that people didn't mean anything mean by it :)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? SMUT? ME? Noooo *cough*...Let's say it has happened! What kind? What kind do you want, baby? MF, FF, MM, trans characters, non-binary characters, threesomes, it has all happened. Sweet and tender? Check. Rough and dirty? Check. Dubconny and dark? Check. Just tell me what you want, and there is a good chance I've either done it or would do it :D

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? I have written one crossover for an event (where characters go into a whole different franchise). Otherwise, I am an AU bitch. Disney movies, musicals, you name it.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Again, not that I know of.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Once for an event. Otherwise, I think one could call what @cilil and @melkors-big-tits did for the calendar co-writing. In a way, many collabs with artists are co-written. Any event collab is co-writing (to me). Me stealing @cilil's ideas is co-writing. Me asking for ideas on the @fellowshipofthefics and @tolkienpinupcalendar servers is co-writing. So...yes...yes I have, and I've loved it.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? Ori x OC, Maedhros x Fingon, Eönwë x Gothmog

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Black. It's one of my first fics, and there's only a chapter or so missing...but I don't know if I'll ever finish writing that last chapter. There are a few more where I've written 1-5 additional chapters and never uploaded them...for reasons (?). By now, I am too ashamed and lazy to get back to them.

16. What are your writing strengths? Versatility and speed. I am a mediocre writer in my 5th foreign language, and I make no bones about it. Nevertheless, I am willing to give anything and everything a try :D

17. What are your writing weaknesses? I am extremely wordy. It takes me too long to get to the smut. I refuse to describe settings and geography, so all my plots seem a bit floating and vague.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I avoid using languages I don't speak which includes Tolkien's languages. I am too afraid to make mistakes or to sound cringe to people who know better than me. As for RL languages...a word maybe, but a whole sentence (again) might feel contrived...IDK everyone does as they want, but I am not feeling it for myself.

19. First fandom you wrote for? Hamilton (and yes, those stories are orphaned and can never be traced back to me) Otherwise, the Hobbit LOL

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? Monkey-business, because I really liked writing that fic. It's a kitschy Hallmark Christmas story featuring Ori (not interesting, I know). But that's my personal fave lol...

Hmmm, let's tag @maglor-my-beloved, @lathalea, @scyllas-revenge, @laurfilijames, @middleearthpixie, @littlesweetdressmaker, @legolasbadass, @urwendii, @cilil, @the-red-butterfly, @fishing4stars, and @elentarial to get a good mix of people :D

[hobbitwrangler]

Fanfic writer interview

Thank you @sotwk for tagging me! I did this back in April but I've written quite a few fics since then so let's go!

How many works do you have on AO3? 14

What's your total AO3 word count? 54,851

Your top 5 stories by kudos/likes:

I feel like this has likely not changed since last time XD

Victory in Defeat (Faramir/Éowyn)

White Blossom (Boromir & OC)

A Monster in the Shadows (Éowyn & Théoden)

The Power of Tea (Gilraen & Bilbo)

At the Death of a Friend (Galadriel & Saruman)

(The People have spoken. They want Farawyn swordfights and Boromir to be happy and alive.)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! Although I may take a while to get to it due to life in general (or I'm staring lovingly at your comment, whispering 'my preciousssss' like Gollum with the Ring, unwilling to relinquish it from my inbox, it's mine, it's mine, it came to me! ... ahem).

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

the plain sight of our destiny is the cruellest thing of all - yeah, hope and joy are not really on the menu in Sauron-era Umbar.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

The Face of Spring ... if we ignore canon (which I did while writing it, because I am deluded). This fic is basically an increasingly rapid slide into complete joy (again, don't look at the canon). Otherwise probably Victory in Defeat. (I find it kind of neat that both of these fics feature members of the House of Eorl being absolutely head-over-heels in love with their partner. Because that is the true meaning of happiness.)

Do you write crossovers?

No.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Nope.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

No, although never say never. I never thought I'd write darkfic but here we are.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No. And I am a control freak so I doubt it would be a good idea.

What's your all-time favorite ship?

*gestures helplessly at Farawyn* It's kind of my thing.

(Although my uncle has told me that watching Battlestar Galactica will rewire my brain in this department. Check back in a few months to see if he knows what he's talking about.)

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

A Hunger Games fic from a few years ago. I love the characters dearly but there isn't really enough plot to hold it together.

What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue, I think, and descriptions of emotion.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Any descriptive passages. Why can't I just project my vision into my readers' brains? Why? (Although I have been informed by @from-the-coffee-shop-in-edoras that I write disgusting grime and water-logged corpses very well :D)

I also hate outlining which is objectively bad because outlining helps so much.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Full sentences? No. The odd phrase in Sindarin/Quenya? Sure.

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

The Fall of the House of Usher. That show is still eating my brain and I need to exorcise some of my thoughts. I don't know if I'll end up posting anything or if it will be coherent enough to post but I'm gonna have a crack at it the minute all the vitamins I'm taking kick in and I have energy again.

What's your favorite fic you've written?

I love all my fics for different reasons but at the moment I'm feeling particularly proud of out of the water, cold and blue, because it was just such an experience to write and I am so, so happy with how it turned out. I really enjoyed torturing writing Tar-Míriel and Elendil and their terrible, tragic, twisted dynamic very normal lord-vassal conversation.

tagging @from-the-coffee-shop-in-edoras @aredhels @queerofthedagger @dilettantefeminist @mithrandirl @welcomingdisaster @swanmaids if you'd like to do this!

[gurokichi]

I think this is my second or third ask today, I'm very proud of myself xd.

Well, to answer your question, I think we are similar because of some posts that you have, because when I read them, it remind me of myself.

Because (can you count how many times I write the word "because"?,i think you can do it Bon xd) even if you not believe it, I'm so much like you, but unlike you, I'm afraid of show that side of me, the side that is obsessive, possessive, the side of me that wants to be hurt but loved at the same time, the side that is soo jealous over anyone that stay so close of someone that I loved (platonic and romantic), in that sense, I kind of envy you Bon, you are more brave than me to show all of you, even the most "creepy" and "weird" sides of you (however I don't think you are creepy or weird, you are very cute to me Bon, so kind and nice, it's almost unbelievable).

Leaving this aside, I knew that you would say that, I don't know how, but I knew you wouldn't watch KNY for that long until you wanted to do something else instead, and don't worry, it doesn't bother me that you haven't watch everything yet

Because (why I say "because" so much? ;-;) it happens to me soo often that is not funny anymore -,w,- .

Can I be honest with you Bon?, I was expecting you to know my blog even before I started to like yours posts, because, I know you have that "bad" habit to want to know everything you can about your anons (it's now a "bad" habit to me though, I find it very cute.... I called you that so many times didn't I? (- w - ")) , and btw, did you like my blog?, I don't post anything yet but, at least you could tell if you like how my blog looks (even if I think it looks a little bad or "cringe" to me).

And I really want to believe that what you said is true bon, that she would talk to me again like we used to, but I think she is mad at me, because she didn't answer my messages and she didn't talk to me for the past two days, and It makes feel so bad because, she one of the few friends I have (because the rest left me alone), and the mere thing that she would hate makes me want to cry and to want to tell her that I don't want her to leave (you could say that i'm a bit dependent on her).

And I know that this has nothing to do with what I was saying before but, in my room there were a lot of ants, and not exactly the little ones, but the big ones that if they bite you they hurt a shit.

Luckily, my father killed them all by setting them on fire and then he took them out of my room, to say that I was scared was not enough, I almost died of fear.

And now I'm going to explain you the meme that I said (I mean the "esa frase casi me da un oscar" one), well, basically, the meme is used when a famous person or character says something that became representative of that famous character or person, i could give an example of Kokichi with his iconic “it's a lie!”, but the meme can also be used if a character or person says something specific and repeats it constantly, and I would set an example of myself with my “and that's all for now!” , and basically that's why I referred to that meme (I can't believe I had to explain a damn meme to someone, but you don't speak my language so it's understandable, and I'm sorry if you don't understand what I said, my way of explain things is always so shitty and stupid) .

And I think that's all I want to say, I will waiting for your answer bon, bye love you! :D

- Unnamed Anon :p

So many asks!! I love reading and answering them, though!

Ah, I see. I think being able to act as you want just depends on the people you’re around. I’m lucky enough to (mostly) be surrounded by people who don’t judge me for the way I am! Being so open here doesn’t mean I’m not afraid to show this side of me, though. I worry that I’ll be too much or that those around me actually don’t like it often. I’ve hidden and still do hide just how odd I am from others, even people who know about this behavior of mine. There’s one person who I’m not afraid about being completely open to, and that’s my God. Everyone else just gets the watered-down in some way version of me. Just find people that you're sure you can trust with that side of you, and you'll be able to be as open about it as you'd like! It's scary at first, but once you realize others can absolutely be just as "weird" as you, then it's not as bad. You'll find someone you can unapologetically be yourself around one day! Thank you for the compliments, ehehe.

I actually was watching some more of KNY when you sent this in… which is why it took me a lil bit to respond. I just started episode 5 before checking Tumblr and seeing your ask!

You knew about that already? I was under the impression you wouldn't have seen any posts where I admitted to that before you went through my blog, hahah. I'm happy you find it cute, though. I know who every single one of my anons are! I just find it more fun to play dumb most of the time. Besides, I wouldn't wanna scare anyone off. As for liking your blog, I did! I recognized your profile picture from a show that one of my friends likes… I still need to watch it.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation with your friend. It's unfair to you that she's ignoring you like that, even if she's mad at you. You don't deserve that at all. I truly hope that you're able to sort things out with her. Things will get better, and I'm sure you'll be able to make more friends in the future too <3

Oh dear, that sounds awful. I would also die of fear if there were ants in my room!! I hate hate hate bugs. They're the worst! "Oh, but Bon, they're important to the environment-" I do not care! The environment is not my house!! They can do whatever they want outside where they belong. Very reasonable reaction to set them on fire

Ooh, now I understand why you referenced that meme! Thank you for taking the time to explain it to me. By the way, I think you said "because" 10 times? I may have miscounted, though.

[lamardeuse]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @devirnis <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

342

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

a little over 1.8 million

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Right now, 9-1-1, though in the last two years I've also written Merlin, Ted Lasso, Stargate: Atlantis and Our Flag Means Death, and I've completed two OFMD vids and am working on a third.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. Accept No Substitutes (Merlin) 2. What Child Is This (Merlin) 3. Best Man (Merlin) 4. Motive and Method (Hawaii Five-O) 5. Revelation (Merlin)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Of course I do. Why wouldn't I?

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I might put angst in the fic itself, but I don't usually leave it in an angsty place. I suppose overall the angstiest fics ending-wise would be the Doggett/Reyes fics I wrote in X Files, probably because that was kind of the mood of the show.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I haven't really written any non-happy ending fics, and to classify one as "happiest" after 300+ stories over 20 years is pretty much impossible, sorry. Oh wait, in Defenders of the Realm (linked below) Merlin and Arthur save millions of people so I guess I'd pick that one. ;)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I haven't gotten hate specifically; I've shown my ass once or twice over the years and been called out for it, and I've apologized and corrected where possible. And lately with 9-1-1 I've had the odd person upset about the actions of a character in a couple of my fics, but it's not that they think the actions are out of character. It almost seems as though they don't want characters to ever do things that are personally frustrating or upsetting to them even if those actions make sense for that character in that situation? It's odd, but thankfully it's been pretty rare.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yep. I've written a wide variety of stuff over the years. Even straight people getting it on! :D

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Harry Potter/US Queer as Folk, anyone?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't really care if I have.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, several times! I'm always so amazed that someone took the time to do that.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, though not recently; it used to happen a lot more in the good ol' days of LiveJournal.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

I couldn't even begin to pick. So many men, so little time. When I'm in the throes of fandom love, that's my favourite.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have one Merlin WIP up on AO3 that still bothers me from time to time, but I'm not sure I'll ever get back to it because I just got mired in a plot dead end and saw no way out. I also have over 10000 words of an OFMD modern AU, but again, I hit a point where I realized I had no idea how to end it so I hit the brakes at the end of act one.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I would say characterization, and making an effort to research and try my best to work the location or the culture of the characters into a story in an authentic way.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Plot-heavy stories are not my favourite thing - I can do it but I'd rather write basic bitch romcoms. And you're not going to get the most original shit ever from me - my writing is not gourmet cuisine, it's comfort food.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Research, and/or have a beta who speaks that language.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Oh god, I think it was either V or Adderly, a very Canadian show from the 80s. Those were written on high school foolscap and will never see the light of day.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Again, it's really hard to pick one after all these years. Just a few random fics I have soft spots for: Auld Lang Syne (due South), Refugee Status (Sentinel), The Road to Nevada (SGA), Defenders of the Realm (Merlin), And We'll Talk in Present Tenses (Lewis), Skin Deep (I Spy), From a Rut to a Groove (Die Hard), and too many heartbeats for one ribcage (911).

I don't tag, so anyone who wants to do this have at it!

[fertilize-my-eggs]

I feel like antis can be little obsessed fans if you think about it.

If they say they're a normal person wouldn't they just block or scroll away if they see something that they don't like? 🤔

Like I know I have talked about this a few times and it bothers me, I know I sound like a broken record whenever I talk about this but I still remember that one person that has screenshot of my fanfic "lost boy " where I have it up on A03 and I already apologize this last year on my blog and they were like calling me a pedophile and that I have these fantasies about r-word children ( that what they comment towards me.) when they have a proshipper DNI on their pinned and I never interact with them but they reblog and make comments on my post that I was talking about pretty shiggy look because some people do hate shigaraki with a burning passion... Reading their comments makes me extremely uncomfortable.

Like I keep thinking to myself, why do they have screenshots of my fanfic that I deleted it last year only to reblog and started drama like one or two months ago I believe.

Like I apologize for writing problematic dead dove fanfic so many times but others have told me not to apologize to them and I find it so odd coz I put trigger warnings at the very beginning and tags as well but they still complain about it.

Like I get it, if you don't like dead dove content that fine you don't have to follow me or enjoy my post as long as you don't harass me or my followers who enjoy dead dove content.

I still remember months ago of an anonymous sending ask inbox to others about my blog and it still makes me upset because they shouldn't be involved people into this or people shouldn't bring others about me just because I make fanfics as a hobby.

I know I've been a bit ranting lately but I just want to vent and talk about this and how I deal with harassment online.

I get it, I'm not the most perfect person nobody on earth is, we make content, enjoy it, people should learn not to mix the two up and stop taking everything seriously.

I get it fiction affects reality if YOU LET IT HAPPEN, if you can't tell the difference between fiction and reality that is a you problem and should get medical help for that.

I personally treat the reader as a fictional character, something that is not real and makes her like a doll. I get it, I make her into a sweet innocence woman that people love but I can also make her into an unhealthy yandere character that people shouldn't be supporting her because she's has done fucked up things.

And not to mention I've written a lot of fanfic were the anime characters has rape/noncon towards reader and everyone eat it up(including myself)

So people should make more dark theme content for fun, I write it because I've always been creative with dark content as teenager hell I remember I got trouble for writing story where a boy murder a bully at the age 15-16yo just because a teacher ask us to write any story.

I remember I was sent to a room where a counselor asked me if I saw it on the new or asked me any problems at home and I simply told her." I made it up. " Because I always have creative ideas for dark theme content for years.

Did I think of anything of those dark thoughts no, I just enjoy being creative and making it up because to me it's not real and I just like imagine it and writing it as story that easy.

It reminded me of those people who say if you play GTA games MEANS you gotta be violence and destroy the buildings or if you watch horror movies you gotta be a serial killers.

I get it, I watch a video where YouTuber Danielle kirsty is talking about shay groves where this woman is a serial killer and was obsessed with serial killers.

As a person who enjoys true crime and documents, I don't have those types of thoughts or worship them like shay does.

I'm pretty sure, me, proshippers and lolishotacons are against it irl and also I talked about it with my online friends none of us think like that towards children most of us dislike or hate children in general.

I know someone is gonna say what about those anime fans that say." Actually the age of consent is 13yo in Japan ☝🏻🤓" those are red flags to me because you're a pedophile if you're going after CHILDREN!! Like why you talking about consent age for countries while you're GROWN GO AWAY AND STAY FROM CHILDREN!!!! like we simp for fictional characters not irl people that's it. We don't compare them as the same because one is real while the other is a fictional character.

[utilitycaster]

you're spot on, so much of the hysteria on twitter seems to be fueled by people with agendas - 3pp who'll have to pay royalties, youtubers looking for engagement, indie developers etc

heck, i saw one youtuber tweet "let's put cr on blast and make them comment on this" which is incredibly stupid. even if they wanted to comment on the ogl (which they're not obligated to), they'll at least wait until the official version is out and not comment on a leaked document

and the thing is, that document is almost a month old. odds are there's already been some revisions based on feedback and negotiations with the big publishers, who knows. no one has the whole picture and everyone's just wildly speculating and accusing

Right like...obviously CR has a close working relationship with WoTC, and, frankly, might even be affected since the Tal'Dorei guides are under the OGL, but also, does that youtuber remember when Critical Role put out a not-dissimilar copyright statement and people similarly lost their shit? Or how whenever CR plays a non-D&D game for a one-shot the indie crowd screams that they're doing it wrong (*cough* Monsterhearts)? It's just so obviously people who either already hate D&D and yet hang on to its every word waiting for reasons to tell people to switch, which I have never seen work and I've been in these online spaces for 4+ years now;

For what it's worth: I actually have rarely seen this kind of fuckery from indie developers though I'm sure it exists. It's usually just random fans (see again Monsterhearts; the creator said she thought Cinderbrush was great; it was fans of the game/haters of CR making all the noise).

Like, I make fun of indie games from time to time but actually, TAZ: Steeplechase has made me interested in checking out Blades in the Dark for a one-shot or something, which a lot of screeching idiots have repeatedly failed to do, because TAZ: Steeplechase is like "hey we are using this system and it's fun as hell for the story we're trying to do here!" instead of saying "D&D is evil and everyone will be leaving it now! just like we said when One D&D came out or when Hasbro said it wasn't profitable enough or when discussions in 2020 touched upon some of the racially charged language surrounding certain character races or or or...ANYWAY PLAY MY FAVORITE GAME."

Also I do want to note that I'm barely exaggerating about the alternatives people offer. I've seen some dude touting Rolemaster, which is literally out of print. Or like, after A Court of Fey and Flowers, someone brought up Good Society and seriously overstated how it was used in that game (it was significantly hacked, and also they were still very much playing D&D 90% of the time) and did not actually cover that if you want to cast spells, Good Society will not help you. It's just...I actually very much agree that we should encourage the use of alternatives to D&D! I think it's good to have a thriving independent game culture! It's just...why is everyone's response to shit on D&D, which is not perfect, but is immensely popular for many good reasons, instead of putting that effort into making their favorite indie game more accessible and appealing to new players. What kind of idiot says "the correct way to convince people to change is to tell them that the thing they love is dumb and bad, and offer an alternative without understanding what other people are looking for."

[nayruwu]

I feel same way about ons as you :') I got into it because of gureshin it's been long since I already lost interest alas. I was wondering what do you think of characters like guren shinoa mika & krul? I really liked them back then but now I'm really disappointed with how author wrote them since past few years & weirdly fandom still tries to act as if nothing wrong with them but "people didn't read correctly"

hello!! :D

i'm sorry that so many others seem to be suffering the same way i am, but it's also a little reassuring. at least we're not alone in our misery.

and i think answering your question will be quite fun!

well guren, obviously i love guren. he's so sad and pathetic and tired and broken he's like a wet cat. the way he loves, the way he does terrible things and hates himself for it but does it anyway because he knows he has no other choice, it's so intriguing and painful. i love it. there's aspects that bother me when reading the novels, like when i cannot for the life of me grasp why he is doing what he's doing, or when he's being an arrogant asshole. but then i read the paragraphs my friends have written about him and love him with my whole heart again. i think they called it blorbo-in-law, that fits it quite well.

but i feel like i need to mention, i totally get why people got so mad with him recently. the way it was handled with the kids just immediately forgiving him again after one word was just... not good. i wasn't kidding when i said i wanted him to be more evil. it was a lot more exciting when him and mahiru first started that "let's betray everyone" stizzle and we weren't sure if he was actually going to harm anyone. it was serious, oh the suspense! now he's just our friend guren again. let him go batshit insane. please. he's not a saint, and he doesn't need to be.

at this point the only one i can trust to truly judge and be mad at him for more than half a panel is shinya. and that's a little odd. also he's currently in eeby deeby.

ohh shinoa! i used to like her a lot. it's only natural, i guess, since she is so similar to shinya. i always thought her to be a less extreme version of him - shinoa was also trained to be numb and hide herself behind jokes and smiles, but she seems to retain more of her emotions than he does. she's scared of dying, she's not much of a killing machine, and she is very much capable of developing actual romantic feelings for someone. wow, shinoa!

now, the problem is the toxic view of love that mahiru drilled into her head, and how the story will adress that, if at all. i don't mind her crush on yuu, it's her proof of not being dead inside or worthless or meant to be alone. but the way she acts on it is quite selfish. she's taking after her sister a little too much for my liking lately. "i will get yuu back, even if i have to kill mikaela to do it", alright miss mini mahiru. chill.

i would very much like someone to drill some sense into her head.

as for mika, he was my favourite for quite some time. i'm afraid i can't speak on him anymore, though, since he's kinda wiggled himself out of my field of interest. younger me would be going insane over his angel self... but now, i actually don't have anything to say about him. he exists. he's a massive scapegoat. i wish we could have seen him bond with shinoa squad.

krul is great solely because she's somehow the only female character who doesn't have a crush on some guy. hooray for vampirism! i don't have that many thoughts on her either, but i do adore her. she treated mika fairly well, she acted against vampire laws, she was more trustworthy than others. and god, that chapter where she was turned into a vampire was so awful, i loved it. more of an ashera-perspective probably, but still! as i've mentioned, i'm not a fan of her and all the black demons having been angels before, so i can't bring myself to look forward to their reunion as much as i used to. but i'd still like to see it.

[mariailoveyou-guerin]

I stopped watching the rookie and haven’t watched new Amsterdam in while because I got so fucking tired of how every show on made it seem like a woc couldn’t possible fall in love with a man of color which just got me so annoyed! Like sure I love Sharpwin they my otp but the fact they had Sharp break up with two perfect fine Asian men for no rzn and made the most lame bs excuse ever just to get her with the yt male lead got me so triggered couldn’t they just not set them up to fail or just for the plot if they wouldn’t wasn’t everrrrrr gonna make them happen in the first place so we some of us wouldn’t get excited to attached or get our hopes up about the ships! don’t get me wrong I love sharpwin but it was just so annoying especially as someone who is huge fan of her and my girl is always paired with the yt lead and in 90% she gets hate for it by yt fans of the show cough doctor who fans my poor queen the hate pain and suffering she’s endured bc of whovivians is unimaginable so yeah glad she’s loved in yt ship now

then there’s the rookie that I stopped at first I loved Chen and Bradford they 2 of my favs but I didn’t like how they seemed to just have my girl go from one old yt cop to the next then they had her date another 2 guy in uniform but didn’t even give them a chance and they were both moc I think so it was like nah let’s not give them a chance so she too can end up with the yt lead man again like she didnt start the show with being into the white male lead! That’s what I hate them not even giving woc a chance to find happiness or date or love with moc! look at Bobby and athena love that ship it wasnt just let’s have the black woman with the yt male lead it was build up it had romance it was a ship with substance like they didn’t break her and her moc up just bc they wanted her to end with the yt lead there was a whole story seasons before they happened all of that great writing great plot great storyline then just thinking every show has to have the woc end up with yt male lead bc thats what they think everyone wants it for some odd reason especially blackpeople god knows where they got that from but I’m sure it’s their thinking no one wanna watch a black/poc ship be happy in love and that people just want yt leads in all and every one of the ships bc that’s the only way anyone ever wanna watch enjoy the show that ship right or even root for the blackpoc ships characters as love interests or as in general their whole characters arcs! and it seems sadly right on some parts bc yts defently only ever wanna watch a show or ship if there’s at least one yt lead as part of the ship and as face of the show! Anyways im so fcvking tired of it! that’s why I ain’t getting my hopes up about popecleo in obx and that’s why they making jiara happened now bc that theory of theirs sadly has merit! I won’t even start on Bridgeton fcvk that whole show but ben polin edwina and ! that’s why I say Mr. Malcom’s List is far far far superior period drama then anything bridegerton could ever think of or ever do.!!

Heard something reverse went down in show resident it’s been a while since I watched was on s3-s4 I think and I stopped bc I saw a spoiler that I’m still not ready to face like my queen Emily whom I’ve watched every shows she’s been in d worded so I can’t get myself to watch but saw some clips here that it was reversed tho

there’s so many shows I could tag that did this sh*t if there’s any y’all feel so strongly about like me with the ones in the tag do share might have started that show but given up when all that shit went down who knows y’all could surprise me an it could be a show I aint seen

[bleezebrew]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thanks for the tag @candyskiez! I am…bad at this internet thing, so I'm not sure who to tag. Anyone who wants to can jump in.

1. How many fics do you have on Ao3?

46 total so far. 38 are fanfictions and 8 are original works but I'm going to be ignoring the latter from this point onwards where possible.

2. What's your total Ao3 word count?

271,996. The majority of that is because of "Above Board." That series was not what I expected to write at the time, but 2020 was…odd.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Good question. I don't know. Whatever I am feeling in the moment, mostly.

In the past I've written for Hogan's Heroes and Fullmetal Alchemist. Recently I've finished a sizeable Star Trek Next Gen series. I am currently working on a number of Nimona fanfics and I expect to return to Leverage at some point after that. Beyond that, couldn't say.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

"Trust Fall", "Golf Blues", "Inventory", "Only the Best", and "Challenges in Rhetoric". A mix of Leverage and FMA. Somehow I'm not surprised to find the Waterworld story hasn't gotten a lot of kudos, lol. Glad to see "Inventory" up there, it was a lot of fun to write. Outsider POV usually is.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try really hard to. I adore getting comments, and I want to communicate that, but I can start to overthink my reply and spiral over them pretty easy.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Uhhh…. Gonna have to give that one to either "Lies Will Out" or "Confessions" I think, even though "Lies Will Out" has a hopeful final scene. (Both Star Trek Next Gen)

"Love Like a Rain" (Nimona 2023) is a strong contender, but with the context of the movie, it gets resolved pretty much instantly and ends well. "Bones on Bones" (Waterworld 1995) is also a contender but is more impersonal over all.

Getting a proper resolution from "Lies Will Out" takes all 54K of "Wheat with the Chaff," and "Confessions" is a straight up tragedy.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

"we are such vicious, wild things" is very domestic in spite of the title, probably that one. Runner up is "Trust Fall." I love my OT3's it seems.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not yet. I did start on ffn though, and the commenting etiquette there would be considered rude on Ao3.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I only wrote some recently, and I haven't posted any as of yet. Generally not my thing, but this one grew a plot I'm excited about. What can you do?

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I write them, but I don't post them, because I've never actually finished one. I was working on an FMA x Star Wars Prequels thing for a while, got a third of the way through and scrapped it, though that isn't the craziest one. That's probably the unfinished FMA x Megamind Community Theatre AU I want to finish someday.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No. Would love if it happened but it's very unlikely to.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No. Love brainstorming with people, hate actually writing with people. I'm a little bit of a control freak about the execution.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

How dare you make me pick one. I'm going to say Leverage OT3, but really it's tied between Goldenheart and Royai.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Question 18 made me think of it--Tower of Babble.

I started a Next Gen fic where the universal translator goes off-line. I planned out the personnel dynamics based on who spoke what and the fact that the computer would revert to Vulcan and we see no Vulcans on the Enterprise D. I was going to have Geordi speak Creole specifically to fuck with Picard. I was going to have Riker and Barclay both speak German. Worf would speak Russian and people would reply to him in tourist Klingon with absolutely no idea what he just said. It was going to be gold but also I can't just use google translate for the whole thing. I really only speak French and English, which does mean I can fake competence for a few different languages if I do my research well, but that's really only the romance languages and…well. I just don't think it's happening, unfortunately, as cool as it would be. Idea is free to a good home, doesn't have to be Next Gen or even Star Trek, would love to see it if someone makes it.

16. What's your writing strengths?

I have gotten a lot of compliments for getting character voice right and for providing an emotional journey, so…those. I think I manage to balance OCs pretty well so that they stay secondary characters at most, and that I'm a fair hand at tension.

17. What's your writing weaknesses?

I am allergic to mystery plots. Hate them. Loathe them. Don't want to write them ever, ever, ever. I will give you dramatic irony all day every day, but mysteries are just. The worst. I don't actually know if I could be good at them because I have honestly never tried.

Fight scenes also, because fight scenes are of course really hard to write and I always make the mistake of making my characters competent so that I have to actually do choreography and not just Vibes. Uggggghhhhh.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I have done it in some of my fics, I usually try to do it in a way that the meaning can be intuited easily and it doesn't detract from the fic if you don't know it, or so that the translation is provided by the characters in the main body if it is plot relevant.

Mad respect for people who use it to drive the plot and do full translations in their end notes or hover text, you are incredible and I love you.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Hogan's Heroes. In 2018, I'm pretty sure. As far as I know that fandom still does like 3-5 annual events over on ffn. They're cool.

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

Noooooo I have to pick??? I love them all for different reasons.

If I have to pick, then probably "Build Them Up, Let Them Go." Outsider POV is always a delight. I would consider saying "Wheat with the Chaff" but it was a COMPLETE AND UTTER BITCH TO WRITE, so no, no it doesn't get to be my favourite. :) Ever. :)

"Trust Fall" is a very solid runner up though.

By the time I finish it, I think some of the other stories in the "Love Like" series are probably going to jump ahead of these. I am still deeply in love with the character dynamics in Nimona.

My Ao3, if you're interested in an eclectic mix.

[mejomonster]

Silent Reading, chapter 25. Their first flirt! Omg! I didn't pay attention to these things last time! ToT

1. Love how Fei Du says it without thinking, so sorry my dude, subconsciously somewhere in there you either already like him (my condolences) or you're so used to flirting with Everyone Else that the instant ur not fighting him you do it to him too and... that has now opened pandoras box. You can't put it back and undo it. He's now a person that Can Be flirted with, that Is Categorized dating material in ur mind, so sorry Fei Du. You've just sealed your fate.

2. Lol at both of them turning silent and feeling something is off about those words. Both of them internally: wait that wasn't an insult like usual.... that was a flirtation? ???!!!??!?!! Oh fuck fuck oh what what WAIT why oh dear. Oh no it's already happened. Fei Du: I just hit on the bitch trying to play caretaker 7 years I'm dying inside let Me rot away -.- Luo Wenzhou: that... BRAT, he's escalated from normal insults to sexual ones. T-T

3. Both of them IMMEDIATELY Talking about the case again like it didn't happen and moving on cause they both don't wanna examine the shitstorm of future paths that this pandoras box just opened. Good job Fei Du! You did it!!

4. I love how it starts because Luo Wenzhous like: there's something wrong with you... you're being so nice.... you okay?? Just lmao says SO much about them. Both now how the car chase and opening up somewhat during the hospital did em both some good in a ceasefire. And also how these 7 years it cant have been entirely not-close, since they seem to be on the level of Luo going "even if we fight, nonstop, I can ask you personally vulnerable questions and check in on if you're okay and when we Aren't fighting we can cooperate and problem solve on our non-emotional shit quite easily and second nature." Which implies maybe they got along like siblings who fight a lot but defend each other from bullies or a sucky parent, or like a parent and kid who fight a lot but are trying and do put in a lot of effort making their close situation work in the non-fight moments (think Lilo and Nani from Lilo and Stitch). They've clearly cultivated a close emotional relationship over 7 years even if as Luo says "they were constantly fighting." Because Zhang Donglai sure couldn't ask Fei Du if he's okay. Nor could he read Fei Dus emotions as well as Tao Ran and Luo Wenzhou.

5. Lmao Fei Du is that bitch that really said "I'm sorry, captain Luo. I didn't know you liked it rough." Excuse me???!!! Oh my god. Fei Du I hate to break it to you but I think you have a specific daddy kink but you're the rich baby so like rhe reverse of sugar daddy/baby situation but same, you wanna whip your man Fei Du? You went right for rough sex references? Oh fei du you're in too deep ur mind somewhere in there definitely thought about hitting Captain Luo one too many times and slid into wanting to choke him sexually or throw him on a bed or bite his neck and Oh my fucking God Fei Du you SAID IT OUT LOUD the only ONLY reason you're living this down is a woman is about to die and yall both are desperate to zoom past this slip of the tongue. Yes, I think it's fucking hilarious. Fei Du your horniness just lost you all coolness cred lmao. I fucking love this line it's incredible.

6. I do hope we see at some point Luo Wenzhous opinion at their boy Fei Du switching his flirtations from Tao Ran, who he's now treating strictly like a close bro, to Luo Wenzhou who was frenemy ish the entire time prior. I just think like. It must be so surreal and odd an experience for Luo Wenzhou? Since he saw the behavior second hand targeted on Thick at Tao Ran. It's gotta be weird being irritated by that, making fun of it, shaming it, competing Against it, teasing Fei Du for it... only for the same actions you were Like That toward are now being targeted at you instead.

The passage:

Luo Wenzhou was silent—their investigation really had followed this line of thought.

Fei Du shifted as if he’d become uncomfortable from sitting too long, absently looking out the car window at the scenery rapidly falling back outside. The rows of street lamps turned the spiraling overpasses into an elegant, winding panorama. The first inklings of the East Flower Market District’s nightless sky of fiery trees and silver flowers were already appearing far off. Perhaps it was his mistaken impression, but it seemed that tonight, the huge LED screen of the East District’s Skyscreen corridor was even brighter than usual.

Luo Wenzhou looked at him and suddenly asked, “Are you all right?”

Fei Du expressionlessly asked in turn, “What could be wrong with me?”

Luo Wenzhou thought about it, then bluntly pointed out, “Then how come you’re suddenly being so kindly and gentle to me?”

For a moment Fei Du was speechless. “I’m sorry, Captain Luo. I didn’t know you liked it rough.”

Then both of them turned silent, feeling that there had been something a little off about these words.

Fei Du thought, Don’t I have anything better to do?

Luo Wenzhou meanwhile reacted half a beat late. The little whelp was flirting with him!

And he was doing it in the tone of taking a dig!

[alabasterandpitch]

Some shots of our family land from our walk this morning

I honestly have such a love-hate relationship with my home, though I suspect many Newfies might say the same, I still feel bad about it sometimes. Don't let my bitching colour your opinion too much. I'm just venting many messy feels

I just absolutely love the rugged beauty of the land, the sea, the unspoiled forests and bogs and wilderness. I fucking cling to it with the desperation of a drowning man to remind I can still have a life with beautiful wild things in it. I love the sea, the surf on the shore and the stench of salt and seaweed. The land, the wildlife even the weather, I love it. I love our vibrant music and language and culture that people find so odd but just sings to my soul.

Maybe im just feeling stressy n depressy but fuck if it doesn't just suck living here sometimes. The weather is basically shitty Britain with Canadian winter. Which means enjoy 6 or so months of no vitamin D, SAD, rain/slush/ice/ and subsisting from heated box to heated box. It costs an arm and a leg and a pagan sacrifice to get off the island so hope you don't plan on seeing friends or diversifying your social circle anytime soon and you better get used to drinking for those months cause there's feck all else to do. Lovely little recipe for isolation and depression.

The language and culture I love so much marks us as an oddity elsewhere, some people love it, but it's often mocked and belittled. I think the only time I ever felt at home using my natural accent and temperament outside Newfoundland was the time I spent in Ireland and Scotland. It was honestly a bit of a surreal experience, feeling so at home in another culture in a way I never did with most of my own...compatriots? Idk feels weird using that word but w/e. Still felt weirdly good being consistently mistaken for a local in a group of 20 Canadian students

I often feel a little weird about my accent when I'm talking to other Canadians and especially Americans (stunned aul mainlanders right b'ys?) but spending time in Ireland and the UK was honestly the first time I really got super comfortable in my own skin owning my accent and not subconsciously code switching depending on who I'm talking to or how drunk I am. It's something I've really been actively working on but it's definitely a work in progress, and I guess it still feels isolating sometimes

Don't get me wrong I love my home so much, but I get so many mixed feels. Some days it's like I'm so in love with this place, others it's like I need off this frozen rock fucking yesterday.