#i have so many thoughts and yet i can't articulate SHIT

[nebulousfishgills]

YOU FUCKERS HOW DARE YOU END IT LIKE THAT--

[tealvenetianmask]

How Blitz and Stolas figure out how they feel: external vs. internal processing

I've been in therapy a ton (feeling like I'm not alone in that in this fandom), and one of the things I've learned from it is that I like to process my thoughts and feelings externally- by talking about them. It turns out not everyone is like that. I'm like Blitz in this way.

I first got on this topic when I was thinking about how Blitz flip flops in Apology Tour. When he goes to see Stolas at the beginning of the episode, he goes in with an idea he's trying out- a narrative he's committed to FOR NOW, insisting that he's there to reinstate the full moon deal with TONS of undue and shaky confidence.

Is this plan something he's actually confident in? Absolutely not. But he's going to commit to it damnit and see how it plays out. Does he believe it? I think he does in the moment. He's convinced himself anyway, and when Stolas wears him down and he understands that he's not doing himself any favors . . .

He starts processing the real shit aloud.

I don't think Blitz has ever admitted this to himself, at least not this articulately and accurately. He needs to say it aloud in order for it to be real. Oops too real.

He's SCARED because he didn't even KNOW he felt this way, but things are becoming very clear and dangerously close to the heart of the matter . . . so he pivots again back into comfortable territory (conflict).

By the end of the conversation, he arrives at a new mission, one that's sort of an equilibrium between his realizations about his honest feelings and his need to have a mission he feels confident in. He's not all confident or all honest- he's still in flux.

There are SO many more examples of Blitz realizing how he feels BY TALKING (later in Apology Tour when he's talking to Stolas, and then when he's talking to Verosika . . . but then also back in Oops, etc.), but I'm going to leave it at one for brevity here. What's important is that we NEVER see Blitz processing alone. Even in his part of the duet (more on songs in a sec), when he's technically singing to himself, he's consoling himself with a narrative rather than really processing the things that need to be processed.

Blitz needs a person to process with.

But Stolas is an internal processor. We know this already because he made the plan to give Blitz the Asmodean crystal and sat on it for literal months, procuring the crystal, ironing out what he would say, trying to initiate conversations with Blitz, but never explaining how he felt to anyone before it was time- and absolutely NEVER in a way that was half baked.

The way Stolas sings his feelings actually gives us a really clear and beautiful picture of how he processes and figures things out. I forget who said it, but someone on the Helluva creative team referenced a broadway truism that in a musical, characters sing what they can't speak. I think for Stolas it's often what he can't YET speak because he's still processing. He has full honest conversations with himself (Stolas Sings, Just Look My Way), and then when he's face to face with Blitz, he knows exactly what he wants to say. His feelings and beliefs actually progress from song to song- he expresses his awareness of a problem in Stolas Sings and gets more precise about how he feels and what he needs to do about it in Just Look My Way.

By The Full Moon, for better or worse (kind of both), Stolas knows exactly what he wants to say to Blitz and how he wants to say it.

Even when he's upset, angry, and then drunk, when Stolas speaks about his feelings, he's consistent. He's decided. He loves Blitz. He wants a real relationship. From his point of view, he doesn't care about social class, so he can't understand why Blitz is so stuck on it.

But he's missing something key (it's the social class thing- it's definitely the social class thing), and internally, he's cooking, and we see that (again) when he sings.

This is the rawest and most in flux stage of his thought process that we've seen. Because this is how he figures out what he thinks and feels- with himself, in song.

Okay- so interesting psychoanalysis- why does this matter to the story?

Well, I think that Stolas doesn't understand that when Blitz speaks in these super emotional, fraught conversations, he doesn't go in knowing what he thinks and feels. He's figuring it out on the fly. He's figuring it out BY talking, and needs to be allowed to do that. Should he do this with a therapist instead of with the person most likely to be hurt by the ideas he flies through on his way to his true feelings? For sure, but this is Blitz.

In turn, Blitz doesn't understand that when Stolas acts absolutely certain and doesn't seem to take in the things Blitz is saying, he's not talking to a brick wall. He's talking to a moveable person who, once he's alone (or singing) is going over and over everything and breaking his thoughts down and reformulating until he arrives at something new.

So . . . it might be a little much to ask these two to understand each other's different processing styles- but they're coming along in their own ways. And I'm looking forward to them understanding each other. Someday. Maybe. Fucking sit down and talk. Slowly. AGH.

[remcycl333]

my sp story <3

hi besties! if you've been following my blog for a while you know that i've been single for a while, partly because i like to be independent and single, and partly because i just didn't like anyone. obviously i could just manifest a guy out of thin air, but when im not confronted face to face with a crush then i just don't care about being in a relationship so i never manifested someone out of thin air lol

but then a couple of weeks ago i was at the movies with my friends, and there were couples cuddling around us and i was like "aw :( kinda wish i had a bf now." and what do we do when we feel any type of desire? we immediately fulfill ourselves, no matter how "small" the desire is! so that's what i did. i imagined for like two seconds that i was cuddling with a boy at the theaters, and then i got distracted by the movie and forgot all about it

then like 15 minutes later, a guy that i'd had a crush on four years ago randomly slid into my dms. i never pursued him four years ago bc my bff at the time had dibs on him, but we're not friends anym and haven't been for years so it was my time to shine!!!

anyway, we talk for like a week. i know this guy is funny and shit bc of when we hung out irl, but like all he's sending me are unfunny memes that don't really warrant a response. so it was kinda tough

and this is the part where you guys are going to yell at me!!! i was like oh i should use my manifestation skills and make sure this goes smoothly....but then i was like nah im just gonna go with the flow 😭😭😭 and i know you guys are like REM!!!! u manifest EVERYTHING u can't just turn it off!!!! anyway.....long story short a week into us talking this mf randomly blocks me!!!!

so im instantly like 🙄🙄 damn fine i'll manifest him back bc im stubborn and do not like being told no in my reality

so how did i do it? how did i manifest him back?

if you guys have followed me for a while, you know that i manifested an sp a couple years ago by simply affirming "i love [his name] so much" any time i'd think of him and this would conjure the feeling of the wish fulfilled. (NOT mindless affirming. i'd say it maybe two or three times to catch the feeling and then move on)

ANYWAY so that's what i did! and let me tell you....i was not "perfect" by any means 😭 in fact this manifestation really kinda opened my eyes on how EASY manifestation truly is. like i already knew how easy it was, but damn!

if you know that your desire is promised and that it is coming because you gave it to yourself in imagination (even ONCE) ... there is NOTHING that will stop it. i was gonna make a separate post on this and i tried but i just couldn't articulate it correctly so im going to try again:

it took 12 days to manifest him to unblock me and message me. im sure it would've taken a shorter amount of time if i was more disciplined with myself but it's kinda crazy bc of how UNdisciplined i was 😭 tbh i was just kinda like...unsure if i even wanted to manifest him at all bc thats how much i value my alone time and my independence lol

anyway, i always get asks from people who are stressed and anxious bc they think that in order to manifest your desire, you can never enter the state of lack ever again and that dwelling in negative thoughts will "ruin" your manifestations. but i am here to tell you IT DOES NOT MATTER!!! you do not need to be "perfect"!!!! as long as you are staying faithful to the idea that you have your desire in the 4d, it'll manifest in the 3d.

another thing i see so many people confused and stressed about is whether or not they're naturally thinking from the state. for instance, every time you think of your sp, you think from the end of being in a relationship with them, before you think of the fact that you're not together yet. and let me tell you....while this CAN happen, it's not always gonna happen and it's not necessary. let me tell you, the DAY before my sp reached out, and even the day that he did....i would catch myself thinking about how we weren't together! but the gag is....YOUR THOUGHTS DON'T MANIFEST!!!! yes, they indicate what state you're in, but the actual thoughts themselves don't mean shit!!! they don't manifest. they just don't!

so i'd shift back to the state of being my sp's girlfriend when i'd have these thoughts, but i was fully aware we were not together in my 3d and i never naturally thought of us as being together before i saw any evidence of it in my 3d. all i had was the knowing that my inner man was with my sp, and that since i'd decided i had it in imagination, it would push out into my 3d. because that's how the law works!!! and honestly, that's all you really need. you just need to know that since you gave yourself your desire in your imagination ONE TIME, it WILL manifest. and if you have a true understanding of how the law works and you've read source, you will have no trouble knowing that it will come.

you also do NOT need to be in the state of the wish fulfilled 24/7!!! at all!!!! i cannot stress this enough. and tbh i used to feel the same. i felt like i had to be aware of having my desire in imagination 24/7 or else it wouldn't come. i thought i couldn't perceive the lack or opposite in my 3d or else it wouldn't manifest (see this post about dismissing the 3d btw if u need help with that). but the gods honest truth is that all you need to do is DECIDE you have your desire in imagination & not take no for an answer & KNOW that your desire is GOING TO REFLECT IN YOUR 3D NO MATTER WHAT!!!!

and that's not to say that you wont still get anxious and have intrusive thoughts and be like "oh god what if it never manifests." like... im human and i had those human moments. but i just reminded myself that i know the law and ive proven it to myself many times and i know that it had to manifest.

anyway. back to my sp story!

so for these 12 days that im blocked (lmfao) all i did was affirm "i love [his name] so much" whenever i thought of him until i caught the feeling of the wish fulfilled. that's it. and i knew for a fact that he was mine in the 4d and therefore we'd be together in the 3d bc that's the law!

anyway on friday (5 days ago) at 8pm? im scrolling thru the ulta app and then im like "oh i havent fulfilled myself today i dont think" so i fulfilled myself for like 2 seconds and then get distracted by some product and then two minutes later i get a notif that this guy followed me and then dmed me 😭

it's funny cuz my irls don't know about the law of assumption so i sent them a screenshot and i was like "look who came crawling back" and they were like BOOOOO!!! and i was like no guys!!!!! i created the blocking and i created this like i promise we can trust him 😭😭 hahahaha

anyway. let me tell you. if you are manifesting an sp, DO NOT DO THAT SHIT IN STEPS!!!!! i mean, if you really want to, i can't stop you, but i really don't recommend it.

with my old sp (the one from two years ago) i'd always manifest contact and then get it, and then he'd ghost me and and id have to manifest contact again and it'd be a never ending cycle!!! bc i was just focusing on contact, not on how i felt or how he felt about me.

the reason i loveeee to affirm "i love my sp so much" INSTEAD OF "HE loves ME so much" is because it helps me catch the feeling of the wish fulfilled so much more. not only that, but because remember, THERE IS NO ONE TO CHANGE BUT SELF!!!! changing the way i see my sp and the way i feel about him is all i need to do. im not trying to change him and make him love me lol. this is about me and my inner reality, not him! he'll reflect whatever i am in the 4d

another reason i love affirming this is because TO ME, this is what implies we are already together. whenever im in a relationship, i always find myself laying around all giddy thinking about how obsessed with my bf i am and how i love him so much. so i emulate that when im manifesting an sp.

and it's PERFECT because by jumping straight to the end where we're already together, i don't have to focus on all the things that lead to us being in a relationship. i don't have to manifest him following me, or texting me, or asking me on a date. these things all just happen naturally bc im living in the end.

NOT TO MENTION, it naturally turns your sp into your perfect partner? like remember when i said when we were talking before he blocked me he was kinda dry and he'd just send memes that i didn't find funny? THIS DUDE DID A COMPLETE 180!!!

he's sooo funny, he is the OPPOSITE of dry, he is everything???? and im obsessed.

anyway he unblocked me and dmed me, and then asked for my number and we had such funny and cute convos and then boom 4 days later he asks me on a date and i say no (😭😭😭😭 i was busy) but i agreed to go on a date the next day and the way this boy showed pure unencumbered excitement 🥺 im obsessed

anyway im sorry this is so long? i really just wanted to share how all i did was apply what i've been preaching about on this blog for years and it worked out flawlessly! hopefully this gives you guys some good tips and maybe motivation? <3

[lurkinggirlie]

Elain & Azriel are EndGame

Azriel’s bonus chapter: semi-essay on my thoughts

This post will be a long one. The shipwar has been going on for far too long, and there's a possiblity that we'll be getting closure soon. So, I want to put my thoughts out there. For Obvious reasons, I could be very wrong, but this is what I think based on canon text: (Ignore any errors..I haven't edited this, and I'm sure there are many posts like this that are way more articulate)

Elriel are endgame. If they’re not then Azriel is kinda pathetic and having him end-up with anyone else is bad writing and character assassination. (Which we sadly won’t put past sjm but I don’t think she would..at least I hope)

1- Elain has no other love interest. Yes, Lucien is her mate but we have hinted at a broken/rejected mating bond for the longest time when it comes to these two so having them accept it eventually is going to be quite underwhelming, repetitive and boring. Even Lucien seems to have given up/isn’t interested in bridging that gap between them, which we’re told in both acofas and acosf. Unless you want to count the longing pointed out by Cassian, although Cassian also pointed out that Lucien was also uncomfortable when he mentioned his mate. To add on, there is no sexual tension between the two, and we know how important that is for sjm’s couple. You can't keep whining "but Elain isn't giving him a chance, if only she gave him a chance, then maybe this and maybe that" Elain is not a seprate entity, she is what SJM writes, Sjm could have written that but she did not yet and I'm not sure if she will. It feels too late at this point, she had already shown us that Elain has feelings for someone else aka Azriel. The author doesn't have to spell everything out for us to understand to what's going on. Sarah usually makes it clear who's endgame. and she literally is. So, it would be very sudden and out of the blue if Lucien and Elain were to end up together when she had never shown it before. When even Azriel pointed this out “I think Lucien will never be good enough for her, and she has no interest in him, anyway” people can say Rhys killed elriel, that the bonus chapter ended them. But this line right here tells us otherwise! First we know Azriel and Elain can read each other so well that they don’t need words, and then Azriel tells us this. He’s literally telling us that Elain does not want Lucien.

We also cannot compare elucien to Feysand or Nessian in the “enemies to lovers" department, because these two seem to hardly care about each other. For obvious reasons she wouldn’t accept or reject Lucien in a book that isn’t hers. But if they do end up together I’d feel robbed that she had more sexual tension with Azriel than she did with Lucien. And we know that Nessian and Feysand had sexual tension before getting together. Most of what we got from Elain and Lucien was awkwardness, and discomfort. Not a single spark. Furthermore, it would feel like Azriel was just leading Elain own. Plus their romance (Lucien and Elain)  would not feel organic, only getting with Lucien because she felt rejected by Azriel, which doesn’t give epic romance no matter how sjm tries to spin it. It would always make Lucien seem like the second choice.

2- Azriel regifting the necklace was a dickhead move, and offensive to both girls. Anyone thinking the regifting of the necklace ended elriel or started gwynriel is delusional and clearly doesn’t know how the romance genre works. (should’ve thrown the gift in the Sidra like Cassain did) I can’t believe Rhys isn’t paying Azriel enough that he felt the need to return the necklace to the shop instead of throwing it. Senstive Illyrian baby indeed. 

3- Rhys saying stay away from Elain (can we take a moment to appreciate how sexy Rhys was for pulling rank, he really made the ship more interesting now) and Azriel actually listening to him?? When he told him you can’t order me to do that. shit would be underwhelming if Azriel actually stayed away? Hello? Secret relationship potential ? Hello? Forbidden romance potential  ??? The tropes would be epic. Sjm had never done that. And I’m not saying she will, but this is how I see it playing out. + Azriel saying it was a mistake to Elain, and Elain apologizing?? The fact she was confused/hurt and probably thought she misunderstood the whole situation? SHE IS BABYGIRL?? Regardless, Azriel saying it was a mistake and it being a mistake is NOT it. This is not how romance works most of the time. This is such a basic romantic trope, why are a lot of people misinterepting it? Elain deserves better, and sjm isn’t about to hurt Elain’s feelings without making it up to her. And she’s definitely not making Azriel end up with another girl before he fixes that shit. I will be needing a proper apology to Elain.  

4- Whenever people think of the bonus chapter they weigh in Azriel’s feelings far more than Elain’s. It’s clear that Elain and Azriel’s feelings are MUTUAL, ignore the bonus chapter and it’s right there in the actual book. I don’t think Elain got the memo that Azriel had  a conversation with another girl after he hurt her feelings which made him realize he’s in love all of a sudden. *sarcasm*  that would be very out of character for Azriel. 

5- His chest sparkling at the thought of Gwyn getting the necklace was so??? I have been saying he’s for the streets and yes this was out of pocket. So, I understand people shipping them. However it could mean anything really, you can't continue saying that Gwyn in the bonus has to mean something, and that that spark must mean somethig but continue to disreagrd every single Elriel interaction like they mean nothing. Because for it to be taken as romance we’d have to ignore the beginning of the bonus, the feysand’s bonus acosf/acomaf/acowar and acofas. + we could easily take this in a platonic way, which is how I viewed it when I read the bonus. Not everything has to be romantic. And sjm will NOT introduce a new guy to make him end up with Elain since we already established Elain doesn’t want Lucien and Lucien doesn’t want her either. 

6- I know that a lot of people have theories about Gwyn being a lightsinger and all of this happening because of her powers (While I do think this is very smart, it wasn’t something I thought of so I won’t talk about it). I do think it’s possible, and all the theories I saw were really cool but idk where sjm is going with this, so to make it simple I do think it could be because she’s his student, she went through a lot it could simply be platonic happiness that a girl who went through so much is going to be happy about something. Even if it was a secondhand necklace specifically picked with ANOTHER girl in mind PLUS I do think sjm wanted drama, and for people to doubt elriel cuz now they have all these obstacles, so Gwyn would be the easy choice, but the second choice regardless. The relationship would feel icky and I genuinely cannot see the potential gwynriels keep talking about. I would take the ship a lot more seriously if a) he didn’t regift her another girl’s necklace b) there was more to them in the actual book. c) he wasn’t still upset about it 3 days later… 

7- There’s a high possibility Gwyn never even got the necklace..

He gave it to Clotho not Gwyn, he didn’t want his name mentioned, and then said if any other girl would like it to give it to them: the aim was to get rid of Elain’s necklace. It’s sort of a parallel with Cassain throwing away Nesta’s present.

I think it’s possible that Azriel went there because he knows how much the girls in the library have suffered, especially since his mom did too, it's possible he thought "okay this is a pretty necklace, I don't want to hold onto the reminder of what could've been, so instead of throwing it let another girl be happy about it. At least it won’t go to waste”

Clotho could tell there was something wrong, like maybe she sensed the energy and decided ayeee let me keep this aside for him, he might come back and ask for it. 

The bonus did not happen at the end of the book 

If Azriel was truly in love with Gwyn now /or he wanted her/ or more between them was going to happen/ or they were mates according to some theories we could have AT LEAST gotten more after the bonus. 

We know the bonus happened after solstice.

Nesta mentions that Azriel was stone-faced and more aloof than usual, he wouldn’t even give her a smile. That was 3 days after the necklace situation. I think it would’ve been a great opportunity to highlight any attraction between Azriel and Gwyn.

Maybe he sees the necklace around her neck, maybe Nesta and Emerie compliment Gwyn’s necklace, or Gwyn telling them she doesn’t know who it’s from, maybe they tease her that someone might have a crush on her. Nesta could’ve pointed out that Azriel was looking at Gwyn’s necklace.or looking at Gwyn in some sort of way. Literally anything. 

Anyone pointing out the way Azriel and Gwyn looked at each other. A charged glance perhaps. Literally ANYTHING. We only got him looking at her with admiration which is very teacher coded. 

If sjm hadn’t made Nesta realize Azriel had a thing for Elain then maybe gwnyriel would’ve been more appealing to me. But no, Nesta noticed. This doesn’t mean nothing people.

aside from that we got nothing romantic, but a part of the fandom still acts like we need to exile Elain because she’s coming between Gwyn and Azriel’s epic love story.

Not everyone has access to the bonus.  

The Azriel chapter was only in ONE store in the US, but Feysand’s bonus chapter was in 3 stores in the US and UK. I don't know but something tells me it’s more important.  Soooo if SJM would do a love interest switch she would not do it in a bonus chapter, and wouldn’t be highlighting the Az/Elain interactions in ACOSF as much as she did. 

Feyre’s chapter focuses on Elain, it literally tells us Elain is next once we’re done helping Nesta. EASY MATH. and the Azriel bonus also focuses on elriel/Azriel’s feelings. ENDGAME MATERIAL RIGHT HERE. 

But the girls swear up and down that Gwyn and Azriel’s book is next because of a secondhand necklace. 

Let’s assume elriels are the delusional ones (like so many of them say), how do we explain these. 

Casual readers who usually read books and aren’t on the internet and aren’t looking for bonus content (wish that was me)  (lord knows I skipped every bonus chapter in throne of glass and crescent city and I wasn’t confused about anything. Not even once) so they’d expect answers for 

The Charged glance between Azriel and Elain

Azriel following the sound of Elain’s laughter. 

Elain looking away when Azriel smiled at her during family dinner, Cassian god bless him that idiot could NOT piece all of that together. BUT it was still highlighted through his POV ???

His secret to tell never hers (and we do learn of that secret in the bonus but people who didn’t read it could only guess so they’d want a confirmation) and sjm did say in one of her lives that Nesta learns of one of Azriel’s secrets (she looked all giddy about it)... and that Azriel is going through some shit right now…and we learn why from the bonus chapter. 

Cassian being confused that it seems like Azriel moved on from Mor

Nesta pointing out that Elain moved on from Graysen

Cassian wondering why Elain is lying about where she’s going. (I viewed this as her avoiding Azriel but idk) 

Azriel’s protectiveness of Elain. He gives mate behavior without the mate part. (I will hit him on the head though omg let my girl do something)

Elain willing to look for the troves even when Nesta wasn’t, the girl wants to do something  (her journey is coming next) 

Nesta wondering if Elain is training with Azriel or the twins (who are spies that were trained by Azriel !!!) 

Feyre telling Azriel that Elain got him beat for secret keeping. Sure it might sound delusional but Elain keeps being compared to Az/being a spy and maybe this could be a thing. 

Elain speaking back to her sisters about them treating her like a child?? Hello finally 

The way Elain’s mother only treated her like a pretty doll which shaped up Elain’s whole life??? I want this from Elain’s POV sooo bad 

In conclusion, we’re not pausing Elain’s story so Azriel can end up with a side character in a spinoff about an og side character, we’re sticking to our og side characters for now.

Azriel being over Mor because of Elain, and Elain moving on from Graysen because of Azriel only for Elain to get over Azriel to be with Lucien (who we got nothing from aside a mating bond..) and for Az to get over Elain and questioning fate for her…only to end up with gwyn…like I don’t think anyone could take Azriel’s feelings seriously if this happens. Shit will be too goofy.  Because if he ends up with Gwyn who says he won’t move on to the next pretty girl he sees afterwards.

To add to that, what plot would we have for Azriel and Gwyn. We'll get more Valkyries training, more healing journey so the plot would have to be paused for this. Nesta’s book was mostly about her healing journey and friendship, while it was nice I don’t want a repeat for the next book. Especially since we know the Rite took a toll on Gwyn, she went back to the library, wasn’t even sure she would make it to Nessian’s mating ceremony. This doesn’t give the protagonist of the next book to me. Or "I thought it was pretty obvious"

Elain’s healing journey had started in ACOWAR, she got her friends in ACOWAR. Now is their TIME to do something!! She is next. 

Closing thoughts on what I think would happen based off each ship happening: 

If elriel happens = new sjm couple dynamic/interesting plot. Fresh sjm protagonist that is unlike sjm's others + we don’t ignore all the foreshadowing and hints. We follow the love triangle we set up in the og trilogy + finally get a rejected mating bond. And instead of warrior training we might get spy training and instead of physical power (as far as we know) we get something more mental. Again this is very new for sjm + there’s a lot to Elain’s power that we don’t know and since Azriel was the one who found out what she was, I think it would make more sense for him to know how to help her. Imagine the sexual tension during training..yes please. I hope sjm doesn’t rob me. Elain is really mysterious, we got Nesta’s inner thoughts before her book but we still haven't gotten a peep about Elain’s inner thoughts and I’m just dying to know more. AND THE STAKES!

1) Rhys forbidding Azriel from Elain, 2) Elain’s mating bond,3) Azriel’s self doubt and how he doesn’t think he’s good enough. 4) The blood duel and the political mess we could get into. (Lucien probs won't but what if Beron would, the breeding potential, A seer must be a powerful thing she can see things others can't and I think that’s valuable. If Eris thought Nesta was valuable as cauldron made and there was no potential there, so The Autumn court probably feels even more entitled to Elain) We have high inner and outer stakes. I have a feeling SJM will fumble all this potential but a girl can dream 

If elucien happens = another successful mating bond + “enemies”  to lovers sort of but they won’t ever be mean to each other so maybe not enemies, just dislike and awkwardness to friends to lovers?  We ignore the hints about a rejected bond and in mating bonds we trust. We also ignore all the elriel hints, and their mutual feelings. We follow the love triangle set up in the og trilogy. I don’t think Lucien could train her in anything? Maybe self defense, Idk Sarah could pull something, but I don’t see Elain leaving her circle of friends but neither do I see Lucien settling in the night court and leaving his own friends. There are no stakes but Elain’s and Lucien’s awkwardness around each other + Elain’s feelings for Azriel. Elain’s and Lucien’s plot connects though so at least there’s that, SJM could ship them off on a mission together and make them get closer. Forced proximity sort of thing. 

If gwynriel happens then = we lost the whole plot, ignored the foreshadowing and hints found in the actual book. Mentor to lovers, civil with each other. Azriel has to move on from Elain first though and that could be icky. Healing journey, more Valkyries training. So we pick up from where we left off in acosf, and we’d see Azriel trying to get her to come out of the Library, or he goes to visit her there until she agrees to come out again. Maybe if Gwyn is a lightsinger then idk more training with Azriel? Again, no stakes but Gwyn’s trauma and Azriel’s self doubt oh and also his feelings for Elain. But that’s it, Gwyn as of now does not connect to the overall plot with the troves (she’s not made therefore she can’t use them) or koschei. So I don’t see us making her go on a mission like that. I’ve seen a lot of gwynriles saying Gwyn has spy potential idk where, but she could barely keep a secret for Nesta so I highly doubt she’d be keeping secrets for the IC. 

Ps: the original koschei plot is 3 sisters marrying 3 very powerful wizards and like idk 3 sisters 3 brothers…we can have a retelling ya know 

[scrumptiousstuffs]

Hii~ I'll say firstly I'm keeping things strictly speculative and I'm NOT diagnosing anyone since I'm not a doctor.

I've noticed this for so long and just wanted to out this in the world asgdjdjfkf but khaotung gives me MAJOR adult with undiagnosed adhd vibes. The messy car (bottles in the front seat?!), always messy room, extremely creative hobbies and passions (song writing/ composing/singing/ acting), impulsive purchases !!!, frequently getting lost even with maps, engineering major but cant math, has a hard time rmring past events even though he's in the same location (timeblindness). I have ADHD too and I can see such a striking resemblance in me and him it’s crazy. (Ofc everybody presents with stuff like this but when it's excessive that's when you know)

I've watched and rewatched interviews and content enough to see how he tends to be a little spacey and needs to ask things twice to make sense. (People with ADHD struggle usually with too many thoughts, attention going everywhere instead of just the task at hand) And oh when I saw that gifset where he's like he asks first's help to organise his tasks for him my heart just died cz yes!!! (That's troubles with sequencing and work ordering that we folks struggle with and there's his bestie just calmly helping him out oh it made me heart hurt sm but anyway-)

He's my little aloof baby girl with 26739 facial expressions cz he cannot for the life of him calm tf down. He's so reactive and expressive and in the moment, yet he falls over his words (not all the time, yes, but A LOT). My boy is doing his fckin best and has grown so so much and I adore him for that.

His sleep habits??? Classic adhd. Can't fall asleep cz his brain wouldn't stfu. (He said that himself in one radio interview)

His shopping addiction is just him boosting his dopamine every chance he gets. And I get him. So much.

Somewhere he also talked about how he got burnt out and couldn't get out of bed and I just. I just wanted to hug this boy bcz- oh. Oh it all makes sense. (ADHD folks are notorious for burning out cz they already run on little to no fuel. They have to work extra hard for things others do without effort and that gets so goddamn hard)

Manager can’t reach him. Hyper aware of his surroundings (hence attuned and caring to everyone around him). He frequently gets distracted by fans screaming while he's talking (cz of the external stimulus) - and first has spoken on his behalf to not misunderstand him 🥹 (Again bcz ADHD makes your attention go everywhere and you can't regulate that shit)

But why am I even going on about this? There's plenty of people out there who don't have/require a diagnosis bcz they're doing just fine.

YES. YES.

This makes me all the more emotional bcz yes, people, community, friends, family when all of them pick up on your lost pieces life just gets so much bearable.

First is that person for Khaotung 100%.

He literally called First his second manager, he asks First to organise his work for him, answer for him. He looks for him everywhere because he needs him like genuinely, genuinely needs him to be there. (Like that one time he won't let him go off stage bcz he was taking pictures and didn’t want to be alone aahdhajsk)

Like we call First as the one who clings to Khaotung, let's be honest the whole company says it. But when I see Khaotung with First it's like he turns towards him like he's the sun. Pre-FK, in interviews he used to be so shy and struggle at articulating things, but with First taking the reigns he got the space to become better at his own pace and that's what I love about them sm :(

Okay I'm done. I'm just saying he might (again, keyword MIGHT) have ADHD. It's a whole spectrum and having friends around who aren’t judgemental and willing to share the load for you makes life easier and bearable and First is that person for him which just makes me admire and love this pairing even more aaagsfhjdk :((((

So, finally, what do you think about this? Sorry if this is in any way unsettling you don't have to answer it I just wanted to get it out haha

Wow anon, this is certainly a long post😅. You must have thought about it hard.

I have no training to diagnose ADHD. However, I'm glad you identify with Khaotung and sees yourself in him.

That's why most of us love the boys, yeah? In some ways or another, they are relatable and we connect with them. (On top of their kind, sweet nature, amazing acting skills plus beautiful faces of course!!!🥰🥰🥰)

Either way, some of the habits you listed above can easily be considered annoying to a lot of people. Clearly, First just finds everything Khaotung does adorable (but can you blame him? 🥺🥺🥺…look at this pookie!)

They balance each other superbly well. Yin and Yang if you want to call it ☯️

So, I agree with you when you say First is the person for Khaotung (just as Khaotung is for First)

(Khaotung towards First during an interview) ☝️

And you are absolutely right when you say that it's very easy (from the outside) to see First appears to be the "clingier" of the 2, but I suspect privately, Khaotung is just as sticky (he is just not as open about it like First, and I'll be addressing this on a different ask I got).

There is a quote by Walt Whitman (American poet) - "Keep your face towards the sunshine, and shadows will fall behind you."

And so, your statement of Khaotung looking at First like he is the sun, oh yes... he does it all the time!! (be it in official photoshoot, concerts or events)

[sukunasweetheart]

//just me venting about sukuna haters sorry

Not me seeing so much discourse about whether sukuna is a well written villain or not... he essentially has no backstory shown as of yet and we barely know anything about him but he is still one of the most naturally interesting and compelling characters in the whole damn series bro 💀 buckle up bc its about to get lengthy (im just glazing sukuna in this post ngl so 🧎‍♀️)

so many whiny ass mfs are weeping about how he "doesn't have any personal goals or a proper reason to be a villain" when that is the whole point???? He lives on his own desires and satisfactions and does whatever he wants to, because he is capable enough to do that. Mfs want "real villains" but cant even handle sukuna 💀 ive seen too many shit ass threads and poorly articulated "critiques" on his character that dont make any valid points. If you can't even separate your personal dislike of a character from your analysis of their writing, dont even bother posting that shit please 😭😭😭 the fact that we haven't even gotten any information about his background yet and people are jumping the gun about him being "poorly written" is already saying a lot 🤨

The fact that yall are so bitter and angry about him that you can write 500+ words about how oh-so-terrible of a villain he is kinda proves that he's doing his job well tbh 💁‍♀️

What also bothers me to no END is how people compare him with villains of other series, who had compelling sob stories that made people empathise with them. Thats nice and all but why should all villains have grand ideals and be subject to feelings of empathy/sympathy from their audience?

Part of what makes sukuna so interesting is how he's not tied down by morals, rules or long term goals in life. He doesn't limit himself, which is what makes him an unpredictable character. He's completely left behind what it means to be human in many ways, and he's clearly not a character written to be empathised with. He is very purposefully inhumane and distant from everyone else, and that feeling transcends from within the series to real life as well. There is a clear lack of understanding bc most of us can't comprehend what its like to just live without being goal-oriented.

Sukuna is a true anomaly in the sense that he doesnt really fit in any kind of box within the series. He's born from man, but its clear that he separates himself from humans (and nobody else considers him human, either). He's not a cursed spirit. He hovers between life and death. The narrator referred to him as the honoured one, whilst angel referred to him as the disgraced one.

These little contradictions in his character make him all the more complicated and interesting to think about. And even recently, he's been shown to waver a little bit momentarily in the manga, questioning his own irritation at yuuji. He's capable of self reflection, and though sukuna does whatever he wants for the most part, he doesn't blindly go into things without some thought first, he's a constant thinker and analyser, and an intelligent one at that.

And honestly, he is always such a joy to watch and read, his personality is so flavourful, and the way he carries himself is very attractive. He's not afraid to get messy or of getting hurt, theres so much chaos in the way he does things and yet he also has a huge element of gracefulness to him, which shines through the poetic way he speaks. Its undeniable that sukuna simply oozes charisma...

And this isnt talked about enough but this man is genuinely so effortlessly funny (in a kind of sinister way i guess?) Like yes he is an old ass man having real beef with one FIFTEEN YEAR OLD for very little reason, he accidentally healed yuujis arm and somehow expected him to be grateful for it despite how he literally ripped his heart out afterwards, then he proceeded to sit on him after kicking him down likeeee 😭 what kind of behaviour is this sir

His facial expressions at yorozus yapping 💀 THE WAY HE COMPARED YUUJIS FACE OF DESPAIR TO THE HARIMA STATUE 😭😭😭💀😭💀💀😭 omg that was so foul but i was fucking losing it ngl

How he randomly compared gojo to a fish and started talking abt his scales... thats a very unique and descriptive comparison, isnt it? Even in the recent leaks, he was 100% ready and squaring up to a literal child talking abt "youre starting to get annoying" LIKE HELPPP 😭 HE FR SAID "fuck them kids and fuck you too"

I saw someone saying that sukuna has no passion, like are we talking about the same character....? This man is a literal jujutsu NERD 💀💀 he truly recognises talented sorcerers and the only time hes seen to be having genuine fun is when hes fighting a mf... is that not passion? This is literally sukuna when it comes to jujutsu: 🤓

Anyway im done here now, im pretty sure i missed a lot of things i couldve talked about as well but ive done enough yapping

[thecameronchronicles]

Midsummers

TW: Brief angst. Smut. Language.  DOM!Rafe.

SUMMARY: The night that was supposed to be the one you'd always dreamed of takes an unexpected, and erotic, turn, with an unexpected person. 

WORD COUNT: 2700

REQUESTED:

hiii i have a rafe request if you get the chance!! maybe a sarah’s friend reader who gets cheated on by jj, so sarah makes rafe ask her to midsummers and things get spicy!? love your writing💕🥰

Midsummers

You had spent the last two weeks barreling through boutique after boutique just to get the perfect dress for tonight. Where others would use tonight to display their riches through some ensemble or conversation about upcoming events within their lives, you had articulated every detail to raise your confidence enough to finally act on your crush. But as you stood before the mirror with Sarah's encouraging words swirling in your mind, you were blissfully unaware of the second set of eyes that had made note of you. Still a set of eyes wore the same Cameron name, but not the ones you expected. And ones you never noticed having observed you this way. Just as they always had. 

"Whoa!" Topper exclaimed as you emerged from within the rear of the Island Inn Resort where the annual Midsummers event was being held. 

"I just saw him..." Sarah explained as you looked at the small collective of pogues banding together once JJ happened to draw the attention of one of the security guards. But as you'd hoped to have finally had a chance to express your unwavering feelings for him, you watched him dote over Kiara. The way she stood up for him. The way he wrapped her into a spin as she left the scene had been enough to not only squander your feelings for him but also any possibility of him learning of why you'd spent so much time in an appearance you usually left decorated barely. 

"All pogues are idiots." Rafe's voice sent your hand to your cheeks to quickly brush away any  evidence of your heartache. 

"They shouldn't even be allowed on the property...broke so many glasses that Rose is going to have a conniption." You scoffed at this as you saw the beginning of this take hold as she was just in earshot to hear her rage against members of the help. 

"Drink?" He offered as you looked at the bottle he'd hijacked from behind the bar and considered the numb feeling it could offer. But much like a crush, you knew the risk and ride was not worth the hangover the next day. 

"I think I'll just go home..."

"What? No! At least not until you dance with me.'

"Rafe Cameron doesn't dance."

"He does right now." He stood, extending his hand as you led him towards the remainder of the guests before he pulled you back towards him. 

"For you." A soft sway began with the distant music supplying the perfect ambiance for what should have been a pristine romantic moment. But in your attempts to feel such things, you would be met with that dull ache of a broken heart. Yet, there existed a comfort in his arms. A safety. All because he was the friend you'd known and appreciated, even despite his flaws. The soft pattern of his heartbeat existed as a lullaby of sorts to your tired pain as you basked in it as long as you could. 

"Guys like JJ can't appreciate beautiful things..." Rafe explained as he'd pulled away from you just long enough to brush a hair from your cheek. 

"They just taint it...But...Can I ask you something?" You nodded, his soft eyes suddenly evading your own. 

"I overheard you and Sarah...all the shit you did for him tonight...and...I just...why him? I mean you could have any guy here...So...why some pogue who doesn't even notice it?"

"Because I don't want to be stuck, Rafe. I can see it in so many people here. The way they look deadpanned at everything and... they're miserable and it's terrifying. So I want a love, even for just the summer, that I can look back on and know it's possible...even if it hurts." 

"And you thought Maybank was that?"

"I hoped." Suddenly Rafe surprised you, a hand set on either cheek as his steps stopped. 

"What if someone felt the same about you? Maybe someone you didn't...notice?"

"Rafe?" His lips rushed against yours. 

He was a friend. He was your best friend's brother. But he was also always there when you needed him. He was a source of a smile when your cheeks were stained with tears. He was those arms you ran to when you had moments like this. Most of them having been founded on convenient timing or the fact Sarah was busy. But you'd never thought of him beyond those former titles. Because of what he was. Forbidden. A risk. And yet, the way he held you now, you would wage war against the world to keep his touch to you. 

His fingers were behaved at your hips but informing you of his need as he dug into the satin fabric beneath the curved fingertips. Once he was relieved to find your response to him, he used that grip to bring you harder into him. A tongue brushing your bottom lip sent your lips into a delicate part whereas your fingers became wrapped around the lapels of his suit, leading him even closer. 

"Rafe-" The breathless sound of his name led him to need more of you. All of you. But he was too impatient to guide you to any of the room of the hotel. Instead, he pulled you to the direction of the nearby wall where he could bask in your winded pattern of attempted breathing. 

"The first thing he should have done was told you how beautiful you look..." He explained while his hands moved down from your cheeks and to your hips, tracing over your breasts with a sinister grin that informed you that he knew his exact effect on you. 

"I watched you stand in front of that mirror fixing every hair...every line made in the dress as you checked yourself from every angle. All wanting to look perfect for someone who isn't deserving of seeing you in this dress...much less out of it..." Your cheeks flushed in crimson as your lips parted to speak. 

"I want to earn it. Even if it takes all night...I want to earn each and every one of those little moans and whimpers he'll never know..." Your eyes widened before he kissed you again. This time, one hand at your breast as the other lowered between your legs. A slit of your dress made this possible as you relaxed your stance, only to feel it then tighten from his touch. He teased your sex over your clothed clit before setting your leg at his hip. His thumb brushed the sight of your panties, possible from this angle and the fit of your dress. 

"You chose blue for him? Be honest." You nodded before he suddenly tore them from your hip. A gasp emerged behind illuminated yet lust blown eyes. 

"You wear red for me. Or you wear nothing." His hand took a form but cautious hold of your jaw. "If you choose nothing, you're giving every consent to let me touch you when I want. And I'll take it. Whenever. Wherever..." 

"Please..." Your cheeks became feverish from his words. The simple idea of him, in any context, was unbelievable. And yet, he was the salve to your raw wound. 

"You think I'd let anyone else see that face right now...let alone when you come? I don't think so...I've earned it...why do they get to enjoy it?"

"Please, Rafe...I'll be quiet." To this, his lips spread into a wide grin. 

"You don't understand. I want you to scream for me...only me." He led the hand to your face down to your hand before he collected your panties and brought you into the heart of the hotel. Guests who knew both of your families had attempted to stop you, but Rafe made an excuse you did care to note. 

"You got a room?" You asked as he pinned you against the door as it came open, the sound access granted by an electronic click making your heart skip in excitement. 

"The suite for the chair of the committee. It's Rose's niece's...but she's busy with Kelce...So tonight… it's ours and you're mine." He paused for a second. 

"If you want to be. You get one chance to walk away-" 

"I don't want to."

"I can't promise to be gentle..." You took a step closer to him, hands back on the lapels of his suit. 

"I don't want gentle. I want..."

"I'll give you everything you've ever wanted. All you have to do is say it." He explained. 

"You." He collected you into a tender kiss as your fingers were desperate to assess him. The stone torso beneath rose with humor validated from a smirk. 

"We have all night..."

"I need to feel you...all of you.." He grunted. 

"Take this dress off. Slowly." You bit your bottom lip as he pulled his cufflinks loose. Your eyes remained on his before he moved to you again. 

"I changed my mind, turn around." You obliged, now facing the bed as you felt him remove your zipper. Your breath hitched to the bare skin kissed by the backs of his knuckles. 

"He doesn't deserve to see you like this..." He explained as you turned to face him. 

"Jesus..." He released a deep exhale as you ran your hands at his naked torso. But as you tried to adore his physique as you allowed him, your wrists were bound. But only for a breath as he led you towards the bed. 

"You're so fucking beautiful. I could stare at you all night. But I've done that for the last five years...I think my patience should be rewarded." Before you could speak, you were taken to the bed until his weight pinned you beneath him. You were pulled to his desire, hands set over your head. 

"Don't move them unless it's to grip the sheets." You nodded as he began a trail of kisses from your jaw to your navel, taking a moment to appreciate each breast. 

"I didn't think you'd grip them quite yet...'

"But your hands feel so good..."

"I'm just getting started, baby..." He continued his descent until he came over your sex. His breath leaving you cold beneath as he smirked  to the way you groaned for him. The expression of necessity making him lick his lips. 

"You can be as loud as you want for me. Don't insult me by trying to be all ladylike..." He offered one final cast of the raise of his grin before his tongue came to your clit. 

"You already taste so good for me...all for me." You nodded as you reached for his hair, his body quickly returning your hands over your head. 

"You only pull when you're about to come...you're already so wet it's hard to tell." Your eyes rolled as he projected his ringed finger inside of you while his tongue returned to work. 

"Rafe!" You belted. 

"Mmm... you taste so good..." He retreated, pulling your legs wider as you fisted into the sheets above your head. 

"You really think Maybank would know how to make you grip those sheets like that?" 

"No!"

"Prove it...Say my name again. Just as desperately as before. Like you want him to hear you." As you agreed by doing exactly as he asked, he smirked into you as he built you to that orgasm. 

"How do you wanna come-"

"I don't care!" 

"I'm only going to be able to let you do it once before I need to. So tell me-"

"Right here! Don't stop!"

He teased a lick of his lips before nodding. His motions were slowed but thorough as he was a means to the way of your release. 

"Rafe!"

"You know what to do if you're close." Whimpering behind a bottom lip clenched by your teeth, you tugged tightly as his hair now disheveled by your grip. 

"Come on my face, baby..." He spoke quickly, returning to you once again as your hips were held down by his grip as you lost control in the waves made by your back. Arching and clenching, whimpering and pleading, all until you spilled over his grin. He looked at you with a wide grin. .

"Oh baby...you made such a big mess..." His smirk widened even further. 

"I want an even bigger one on my cock." He turned you to your stomach, kissing you in a rather awkward but adjusted bend, as you were taken upwards.

"This ass is almost perfect..." A slap made you yelp as his lips nearly reached his ears with pride. 

"Now it is. My handprint right here..." He rugged the assaulted skin. "Just as it should be." 

"You want my cock baby? How about we beg one more time for me? Yeah? Just one?" He almost latinized as you nodded. 

"Please, Rafe. I need you inside me..." 

"Then put me there..." He teased you with his naked cock, a motion you were too wrapped in your own bliss to notice he'd made. 

"Good girl. You know where it goes...slowly...I could come with how fucking wet and tight you already are..." You struggled to keep your moans compressed as you guided him into you. 

"Bring it back slowly baby..." He orchestrated you through his order as he guided your hair into his fist and pulled you to his chest. 

"You feel that right there?" He flexed his cock inside of you,making you shudder. .

"This is how it should always be. When it isn't in your mouth or hand..." 

"Rafe-" 

"But for right now...you're gonna prove I'm the one you're thinking of. So make me come...and maybe I'll let you just one more time..." 

"Ahhh..." You began to main as he brought you into a steady rhythm you were guided to upkeep.  Your eyes rolled to how deep and full he left you feeling the walls of your sex clenching to him just as gluttonous as his nails had been to you. 

"Fuck! You feel like heaven..." You moaned. "Faster..." You obliged, your body moving in slow strides to him, accelerating to this request. 

"Rafe please!"

"What are you begging for? If you want something, you can get it, baby...just ask..."

"Fuck me?"

"Like you mean it..."

"Fuck me, Rafe!"

"Here?" He asked, a harsh thrust stilling your movements as he continued to tease you. 

"Oh, you wanna come again? Isn't that a bit greedy?"

"I don't care...you feel so good...please..." 

"With a hand wrapped around your breast, he pulled you even closer to him. 

"You haven't even felt me here..." He explained while brushing your bottom lip. 

"Next time. I wanna feel you come inside me! Please!" You shook over him as he smirked. 

"Who am I to deny to my girl?" He began steady but unkind. Harsh thrusts led him pounding into you as the bed squeaked at mercy. Care and compassion were damned as you were taken to the crest of that second high and he was at the precipice of his first. 

"You feel so damn good, I could come inside you all night."

"Yes! Please!"

"Let's see how you handle one...you're already shaking for me baby..."

"I'm close!"

"No you're not." He explained until he began making small circles at your clit. 

"Now you are..." He smirked. This humor fading for pleasure as you felt him lead the charge to a mutual release. Perfect foreplay and timing had you calling out for one another in grunts and groans as he pulled you swiftly against his hips. 

"Tell me. Tell me whose fucking you like this."

"Rafe-!"

"Tell me whose cock owns your pussy whenever I wanna come."

"RAFE!"

"And tell me who you belong to from this moment on!" He cursed behind clenched teeth. 

"Rafe Cameron!" 

"I love how you say my name when you come." He breathed in finality, your orgasm prompting his own, as he pulled you back to his chest. Sweat connecting you as a trophy of such an example. 

"How about I make you say it again?" 

TAGLIST: @hopebaker @iovdrew @penny4yourthoughts @magnificantmermaid @pickingviolets @lovedetlost @trikigirl271 @maybankslover @slut4starkey @slvtherinseeker @obxiskewl @bluesongbird @slut-era @ailee-celeste @camilynn @sweetestdesire @onmykneesforrafe @drews1love @phildunphyisadilf @mashdan0916

MASTERLIST

RAFE CAMERON MASTERLIST

2ND RAFE CAMERON MASTERLIST

[darkpoisonouslove]

HotD S02E01

Many thoughts, head full, zero ability to articulate so I'm just gonna scream about it... on main. That'll end well.

First thing I have to say is that the atmosphere and tone definitely work very well here. You can feel the tragedy in the air, the way that it's already happened and it just waits to unfold, to be witnessed in its full glory. Everything is so eerie and bleak and everyone keeps going but they cannot escape the framework of the war. They're trapped in it and you feel it.

Daemon is... he kind of surprised me ngl. There are definitely layers of emotion there that isn't just rage or bloodthirstiness. I didn't want to strangle him the entire time so that's a positive.

Emma D'arcy was amazing in this episode and (I could be missing something; too lazy to check but) she only had that one line??? And still, you feel her grief. That was certainly an interesting approach and it worked for them!

Aegon is such a contrast to all the other characters! I know he's supposed to look completely out of place and incompetent but damn, I am On. His Side! He's ready to be so generous to the small folk. He's trying to compensate on what he missed with his own father by spending time with his son. He has no idea how to interact with Helaena but he's trying his best and goddamn, if that's not a summary of his character! 😭😭😭😭😭😭 (this is an Alicent AND Aegon stan account now, I guess)

(that scene of him and his buddies drinking in the throne room has such fuck boi vibes and yet, SOMEHOW he was utterly hilarious and still sympathetic in it (I'll talk about the place of that scene in the plot later))

@ Otto and Larys: STEP AWAY FROM THE CHILDREN!!!!!!

The scene with Otto and Alicent was surprisingly touching. They finally reach some kind of understanding... and then he turns right around and continues to scheme behind her back. Sure, what he was trying to accomplish with Aemond is in line with his talk with Alicent but he's going to have his own agenda 100%. This wasn't just a strategical decision because Aemond is mad at Alicent rn and wouldn't want to hear any of her opinions even if they're also Otto's opinions.

Which leads me to THE SITUATION BETWEEN ALICENT AND AEMOND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!! I. Am. Screaming (as you can see)! They are both so hurt and angry at each other 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 And I can't even take a side because both of them are correct in different ways. What Aemond did is actively hurting the whole family because it certainly exacerbated the war proceedings. But he's also right to be upset that Alicent would (seemingly) place her old friendship with Rhaenyra above her love for her children. She should feel vindicated that the one that mutilated her son is now dead. But instead, she's angry and has turned away from Aemond. When she was the only one who stood by him (and vice versa) on that awful night when his eye was gouged out????? The disappointment that they each feel in the other is KILLING ME!!!!!!!!! (I have to say that I hadn't thought about the possibility of Aemond being angry but it makes perfect sense and it hurts me so badly. Look at the contrast of this and this)

And now for the absolute fuckery of this episode (pun unintended). I have zero problems with Alicent and Criston fucking. Good for them! Love the moral dilemmas that are 10000% going on in their heads. HOWEVER, the decision to make them have sex while Blood & Cheese is going down? More anti green propaganda from the writers and I am SICK of it. Alicent was originally part of the scene, she was there to experience the horror of it first hand and they choose to switch that for her having sex????? You know the same thing that Rhaenyra and Daemon were doing when the whole fight between the kids in 1x07 was going down and they got no shit for it whatsoever but, of course, Alicent and Criston are going to be torn apart about this, I am 100% positive about that! Once again, the writers are trying to manipulate the viewers by going "See! Not only is Alicent being a hypocrite because she said she wasn't going to do this with Criston again, but that's what she was doing when her grandson was getting murdered" when originally she was bound and gagged and had to watch the whole thing happen in front of her. You could say that they spared her that trauma but they literally could have had her doing anything else if that was the intent. I am ANGRY about this. Not to mention the fact that Helaena literally interrupting Alicole while they're having sex adds an obstacle to Alicent offering her comfort. At the very least she has to get dressed first before she can hug her and try to provide some kind of feeling of safety, which inserts awkwardness if not downright shame into Alicent's actions and choices during that night. (Oh, and this will probably make her stop having sex with Criston, which is going to be another big L; let her be marginally happy and have orgasms, goddammit!)

Let's go back to Aegon now! So while Alicent and Criston are too busy fucking to be any the wiser about what's happening with her grandchildren (even though they literally couldn't have known anything like that would happen), what is Aegon doing? (Probably) drinking and stroking his ego by trying to come up with titles for himself... as the assassins are walking past him, right under his nose. Don't think he's not gonna get shit about that by fans if not by the writers themselves! They have set everything up so perfectly to blame all the Greens for allowing this to happen (since Otto and Aemond are so ready for war and yet were nowhere to be found during this either) but what about the Blacks, who organized all of this? Well...

They are whitewashing Daemon now by making Jaehaerys's murder be the idea of the assassins themselves. You see, Daemon would have never gone after a 4-year-old! He was only going after Aemond! And this is yet another misunderstanding like with Lucerys' death, except that this was way more deliberate but you cannot blame the Blacks when the people that they hired acted on their own. I hate it here! The writers are cowards and cannot commit to the actual characters that they're supposed to be writing so they're just doing whatever they want. And doing it badly at that! (That whole sequence was so fucking disjointed and lackluster also so congrats to whoever wrote this on the terrible job that they are doing!)

Poor Helaena! She's literally not going to get anything in this season. They already did Blood & Cheese so now they're just going to make her lose her mind and give her nothing else to do. I hope I'm wrong about this but I don't think I am given their track record.

Anyway, go team Green!

*I already bitched about this in the tags of another post but the fact that in the extra ("inside the episode" or whatever it's called) they had the gall to say that Alicent was in a "marriage that was loving but not exactly romantic or physical for quite some time" is a fucking insult. HE CALLED HER BY AEMMA'S NAME! HE USED HER AS AN INCUBATOR AND COULDN'T EVEN BE BOTHERED TO CARE ABOUT HER OR THEIR KIDS. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!

[blackstarchanx3new]

FSR rambles 19 traumatic things Link experianced

Pet him like a cat shadow.

At least Link's normal enough to get up now.

Awkward...

Shadow's like "Damn this is weird"

Link's selectively mute still but I'd struggle to talk with four dipshits screaming like cracked out squirrels in my head too so ya know, I don't even blame him for being shitty at communication with Shadow rn.

He's got his priorities in order: FOOD.

Okay but you know Link is mad his plan failed literally the day after he employed it.

I'd be pissed anyway XDDDD

The four of em fell asleep, wake back up and they're right back to square one, ground zero the shit storm he tried to escape from.

That's horrifying in a way I can't quite articulate. "Hopelessness" is the only word coming to mind. Like, everything he did, it didn't matter. It was all for nothing they're BACK to how they were.

His hopes that pulling the sword would fix it: Crushed.

The literal only difference is that Shadow's here.

Which, is BETTER but damn if the disappointment from Link isn't palpable. You can only imagine what's going through his head rn after all this shit, he's just defaulting to a LITTLE BIT of normalcy in making breakfast.

Shadow's back to defaulting to doing: well nothing.

He isn't helping Link and is just WATCHING. Smth literally just yesterday was ALL HE COULD DO.

They're both just defaulting to what they're used to because this shit is too weird.

Is nice of Link to make enough for Shadow though. XD

Haha okay I can get into this:

Literally Shadow and Link simultaneously know each other and don't.

In cannon: Shadow said ONE SENTANCE TO THIS MAN. A SINGLE THING. AND IT WAS MOCKING HIM LMFAO.

Yes Shadow had interaction with the colors but Link and Shadow: Nothing.

So of course he feels awkward around him.

They spent forever together and yet still feel so far away.

It's a tough situation.

Link pulling out the "you sure are quiet" is imo, him trying to be funny.

he continues with "thought you'd be more comfortable with me...at least considering how many times we've kissed"

Obviously this is in reference to Vio lmfao (...Also green but uh we'll get into that later). With Link's eyes matching Vio's.

Link is completely fucking with him and it's funny to me at least. Like he's so deadpan but he's being such a goof rn.

Though it is interesting to note how Link directly says Vio is him without any separation here. Since Vio also thought he was Link last night.

WHY WOULDN'T HE REMEMBER SMOOCHING YA SHADOW???

Shadow clearly not knowing HOW Link works is kinda hilarious but also, nobody knows how this works.

Link casually referencing what Vio said in the fire temple, it's much more obvious now he's goofing with Shadow rn.

Shadow realizing the obvious, that Link IS the same person he's been hanging around just mashed together is a small but good reminder. Like link isn't a stranger fully. He's still the four of them.

Shadow just asking "Is this for me" would seem weird but uhh remember:

He didn't have a BED. He's been a SHADOW for YEARS. Like. Shadow being neglected isn't new. So it's a sad notion but he is shocked he'd be given food.

Link kinda having a "Wtf u mean? duh it's for you." moment.

Also the bomb drop that Link knows about Dark Link...Oops.

Exactly what relationship/how he KNOWS about Dark is kinda, left open since he doesn't elaborate what so ever...

It can be assumed he just knows what everyone else does. Buuut. There's always that "but"

"Link what are you blabbing for they can hear you" - Shadow continuing to not understand how Link works. XD

I don't think it was mentioned anywhere before this but haha Blue was also in on the splitting Link plan. Vio and Red are the only ones left out of some of the loop it seems...But they were mainly worried about Vio catching on.

Link accuratly noting this nightmare isn't anything like the first time. Sorry buddy it's cause you're in an unrated comic by a weirdo fan vs any official Zelda comic. XDDD Which wouldn't allow 90% of what's in this comic I'm sure haha.

Also reasonable train of thought thought Shadow buddy about reverting back into a shadow. What a terrifying thought.

Aw Link's being sweet and- TRIFORCE

Yeah Shadow's sweating bullets considering uh the little fact Ganon said "Here catch, you're evil triforce of power man now"

Takes Link a second to remember back on that convo Shadow and Vio had about the triforce in the flashbacks. PG 179-182 ish if you're curious on brushing up on that.

Oh hi Vio.

I don't think a lot of people caught that this was Vio's design from FS. Which is why Shadow was SO DISTURBED to see him like that. Link's very all over the place mentally and it's showing with his appearance. He's unstable as all hell right now.

Blue chiming in with "Wait a damn minute" remembering Zelda ALSO has the Triforce on her hand.

Vio and Red are being obtuse/ignorant while Blue and Green know smth's up and are getting pissy about it.

Which just makes Link: All over the damn spectrum of emotion about this right now haha.

I'd get tonal whiplash too Shadow.

Link going down the list of things he thought Shadow would want haha.

and Shadow's gay lil confession that all he really wants is Link is sweet.

I mean what else does he have to strive for? He gave up on a lot of his old dreams as pointless after becoming apart of the endless cycle of hatred.

It's noteworthy that Link's outfit glitches to black again.

The line "Which you" was a very fun one to come up with. Because it just, hits ya.

Link isn't one entity. He's multiple. And he literally can't tell who Shadow's talking to in that moment. Because the underlying assumption (To Link and this will become obvious) is that Shadow really only cares about Vio.

All of last night is probably a complete blur/emotional whiplash around Shadow For Link.

Shadow threw a sword at Blue and was VERY hostile, was ALL OVER THE PLACE emotionally with Green mostly being bitter as hell, didn't really acknowledge red and Vio had a complete meltdown over his guilt surrounding Shadow and their friendship and relationship as a whole was all over the place.

Cram that all back together and what is Link supposed to take away from all that. Overall dude had a net negative experience with Shadow and now he's telling him he wants him?

I'd be confused as hell too.

Hi Zelda.

Safe to say that was inevitable given how badly Link was bugging out this entire time.

He couldn't handle seeing Zelda haha.

I don't think people caught Vio is just in his "headspace" outfit. Except it isn't pastel color palette.

Panic attack, featuring Blue. He was the most vocally insistent they draw the sword, was activly trying to force his way out of Link's mish mash body during that whole ordeal. The main take away is that: He HATES being In Link and that was just about the worst nightmare come to life for him.

He doesn't even want Red to touch him, which considering the way it's all but stated Link's magical body is just their bodies pressed together into one form makes the angle that they're all LITERALLY touching each other that much more...ehhh disturbing.

It's okay guys he just needs a minute alone-

Hah. Everyone's leaving you Vio. Doesn't press on the ol anxieties or anything.

Doesn't make it easy for a certain someone to come visit you.

Vio's insecurities focusing around being ALONE and himself are smth that's been fun.

He mainly wants to be Link out of pure selfishness and self hatred. Link is an escape from his own accountability, a way for him to keep himself in check. While Blue finds it to be an outright prison.

Everything Dark is saying about here Vio could also be applied to himself and even Dark says that. He looks miserable while saying it too since Vio's problems are starting to hit a lot closer to home.

At least we got Shadow to yank Vio out of his funk. But Dark has no one to do that for him.

Shadow petting Vio's face here while in a headlock is just, funny to me. Shadow can't affection properly at all lmfao.

But hey he knows when our lil buddy is active. Oops.

Oh the fun they have together alright. 😏

It'll be a real wet and fun time-

What the hell Dark is talking about is left pretty open for now.

But he is getting sick of just sad reactions to what he says.

He's nervous when faced with women. Same bro.

Green and Shadow begging for help on wtf to do with their new squid monster is pretty hilarious to me.

Vio's being perceptive.

"IT IS!?" yeah red. And if you were an interesting character I'd write you doing things. :D

HAH. TRAUMA. DARK LINK RELATED TRAUMA.

Surely that won't bite us in the ass later or anything...

Vio's outfit is very covered up because he's emotionally closed off yada yads I've mentioned this before.

This hasn't been brought up in the comic but Green is afraid of tentacles lmfao so his fear at Dark rn is warranted.

Shadow blatantly not caring what Dark is doing rn because he's busy

Zelda notices right away that Dark defied vaati which must have been weird for her in real time hah.

Shadow's instant response to what to do with Dark is "Murder"

Nice to see you've grown so much shadow lmfao.

Notice how Link being around isn't even the thinly vailed excuse dude just doesn't like Dark Link lmfao. Most of what he said to Dark last night imo was pure projection and again: Not because he cared about Dark. But now he feels like they have an easy to to get rid of him via Zelda. Doesn't have to confront weird feelings if the guy is gone ooomf.

Zelda isn't outright apposed to getting rid of Dark Link but is like "Uhh...But what about link tho-"

Shadow noticed his hair change.

I'm sure he noticed earlier, it's right in his eye sight but background detail of him actually looking at it like "Wtf?"

Also fun pressure to put on Green when he's strung out to shit rn.

HI DARK LINK! :D

Uhhhhhh. Okay then.

So Green's got murder trauma.

He's also just sick of the responsibilities piling on him like a crushing weight.

There's smth to be said about how Dark isn't a murderer so, doesn't have blood around his feet haha visual metaphores haha.

So clarity: Link as a whole person murdered the people who killed his father. And Vio and Green were the ones who had main control in that moment.

Hope that clears some stuff up.

Dark finds this shit hilarious because he's sadistic but Green snaps out of the panic to realize THIS GUY IS DARK LINK.

The moment Green switches from his helpless attire into his current fit was very fun emotionally cause this was the first time someone had ANY amount of control when facing Dark Link. (Excluding Shadow I suppose, in terms of the colors anyway)

Green being a badass is just smth I enjoy and the "Oh shit moment" was very fun to watch people react to haha.

Dark was so excited when seeing Green acknowledge him.

It really goes to show all of his "Nyeh you're such a shitty person" talk is literally not even his own opinion when it comes to the four colors. He's literally just repeating their insecurities and nothing else. Those words have NO BITE to them because Dark doesn't even believe it.

He's so excited to see Green because Green's the ONLY PERSON Who's truly acknowledged him in the head space.

Dark being so overwhelmed with joy he vomits.

Dark really doesn't have a lot of emotional regulation emotionally or physically. Like. The idea here is he's just, so excited he literally physically cannot handle that shit haha. I made a shitpost about it once but it's kinda just, accurate. XD

Green's like "Wtf is wrong with you"

because this isn't ANYTHING he thought he'd be dealing with considering how Shadow was acting/talking about him lmfao.

He was expecting Shadow 2.0 and got...This guy.

Guy who apologizes when acting goofy as shit

Guy who is excited to see him overjoyed even...After utterly destroying him not 2 seconds ago.

Just. A silly. Goofy guy.

It is fun to have Dark switch IMEDIATELY to depressed as hell thinking about how he's been so alone.

I would really describe Dark's excitement here as pure mania. because at the root Dark is a depressed individual.

Dark gives no shits when faced with death.

No begging or pleading for his life just "idk do what you want to I don't care"

Which, Dark Link's lack of care for his own personal safety has been shown off before and will only be a continued trend.

At the end of the day it shows a clear lack of self respect or care for himself.

Dark doesn't value himself.

Green's mercy here is rooted in his own selfishness.

He doesn't WANT to kill Dark Link because he doesn't want to hurt people. Which him and Vio did.

Green is ALSO very exhausted. And what you get is two individuals who would typically be at each other's throats, who aren't interested in fighting each other because they're just so worn out. The drive just isn't there.

Which leads them to being able to actually talk to each other in a meaningful way. And I just find that interesting.

Under different circumstances, these two very well could have fought here. XD

[happypotato48]

Only Boo! EP 5 Normalish Tangent Thoughts

Damn you show for being so sweet and earnest, that i have to drop my unhinged self so i can try to be articulate about my thoughts and feeling after watching this ep. (the emphasis is on "try" i'm not sure i'm gonna be good about it.)

Oh boy, the angsts that i dreaded/anticipated are here and i have so many feels! first of all i think the show did a really great job portrayed Kang very understandable fears and anxieties about Moo as a potential partner. cause yeah, although they're only 2 years apart these two are very much are in different parts in their lives and how they views the world. Moo is a dreamer with his head in the clouds because life haven't come at him yet, and Kang is a realist who understand that sometime you need to be present in the real world or else life will drown you.

This is the moment with so many what ifs for Kang. my interpretation is that hes not only fears for Moo's future but also his own if he give in. "what if moo can't follow his dream becuse of me, will he starts to resent our relationship?" "what if life got in the way again, can i rely on Moo to get through it?"

And here come this man. i think it's very smart of the show to has shone as a rival for moo, cause he is a version of moo who is mature and seems like he figured his life out. for kang who is still scared and anxious, shone seems like the safe option to be with.

I'm glad that Kang told Moo outright that some of Moo antics made him feels uncomfortable.

He knew what it's like to followed your dream without parent approval, because of his trauma. he doesn't want Moo to go through the same feelling he did.

Kang, you're a good boy. you gave him the chance to be better, you communicated your feelling clearly. now it's up to Moo.

Ahh! this hurts.

My heart 😭

And our optimistic hero Moo came through. i'm so happy! after the very mature rejection from Kang, Moo listened and comeback to show Kang that not only he has the will to follow through, he also understand Kang's feelling and he can be there for him. this moment is the "i know i'm a dumb little shit but i will studies maths and physics for you."

I loved this EP so much because this is what i wanted. after 4 episodes of the cutest fluffs ever this show swing in with the angst and resolved it with forking good communication. Kang is finally eased up, and i can't wait for these babies lovebirds era. it's going to be the cutest wholesome relationship ever!

Ok, i still need be a little bit unhinged

"Ralph Wiggum - I'm in Danger meme"

[understandingbimbos]

So. There's a few things I need to address. My documentation and study of bimbos began as a personal project. I only started a blog because I was putting a ridiculous amount of work and thought into this and figured it should be shared (and still, there's SO much I haven't shared yet...). And that's part of why this blog isn't so well managed, not consistent, and very informal. I write every post with the assumption whoever reading will have some familiarity with the fetish and that was kind of a mistake when dealing with subject matter as delicate as this and if I want to be able to attract literally any other audience. But the blog is here now so its kind of a moot point. I won't be rewriting posts. I want to kill myself every day, its astonishing I can write anything. Anyway, recently I discovered an adult performer named Celestina Blooms, in particular, this video:

We share a lot of the same thoughts. And her criticisms of BimboTok are a lot better articulated. Here are some of things she's said that stood out to me (paraphrased):

"As an actual political movement, the Gen Z bimbo isn't actually very helpful beyond being satire because there are contradictions."

"It makes no sense to be expected to have every single decision in your life, in every area of your life, be a form of activism."

"If you don't spend enough time watching all their videos to completely get the point it looks like they're satirizing the ideologies they're preaching."

"They're kind of taking this thing and being like 'Hey! This thing is leftist because I'm leftist and I said so!' when the thing is still something very tied to a lot of systems of oppression."

"I think there's an issue with saying that being feminine is feminist."

"Because there are so many minors on TikTok they'll come across this trend and see the cute aesthetic and cute clothes, and for good measure, the ideologies a lot of them agree with and be like 'Fuck yes! Sign me up!' and before you know it they're dressing like a bimbo, calling themselves a 'bimbo', and all this stuff while not even being aware of this whole other world of bimbofication as a fetish and unknowingly calling attention to themselves."

She also brings up Pink Bimbo Academy in this video (not by name, and if you somehow see this Celestina, sorry for blowing up your spot!). I bring this up because PBA actually reached out to me like two weeks ago. We had an extremely brief conversation. He lost all interest as soon as he realized my blog isn't primarily about real life bimbos and, like Celestina, I don't believe bimbos are really a real life thing. This is the reason for my last text post (now pinned).

Up until this point I didn't realize Pink Bimbo Academy was a guy, or extremely weird. He's one of those bimbo enthusiasts that genuinely believes every woman should be a bimbo, unless they're trans that is, because according to him a bimbo can't have a penis or possess any "masculine" qualities. He seems to view bimbofication less as a fetish and more of a means to an end. To him, bimbos are the peak of femininity and bimbofication only helps women to become more of who they're "biologically" meant to be. He has entire rants against feminism up on his website and aspires to create an actual real-life bimbo finishing school, like he's a super villain or some shit, like the antagonist of every school-set bimbofication story come to life. And unfortunately, he's basically the resource for bimbofication online. I have to assume not everyone that follows his guides reads all his posts and FAQ but its more than disappointing to have a transphobe be one of the main vanguards of this fetish today.

Anyway, I can't recommend Celestina's video enough. Its a bit long but all worth watching and has made the prospect of writing this book exciting again. I would suggest this video of hers too:

Post-script: After over an hour of writing all of this I realized I actually did something extremely stupid here. Celestina follows me on here, possibly one of the first people to follow me. I kept wondering why one of her icons looked so familiar and it took me until literally just now to figure it out. I hope she doesn't mind the plug, because you all should follow her too!

@celestinablooms Twitter Instagram

[ari-zonia]

LCB Chapter 4 thoughts here, trying to not spoil people not up there yet so it's in a readmore.

Heathcliff showing ANY compassion for people's lives in The City is sending me. I have so many thoughts I can't even begin to articulate it properly.

What is up with him this chapter?

Like. This chapter is already showing some of the nuance that Dante's lack of memories of how the City is means they have more "care" for the Sinners, even outside of trying to not feel pain. I've sorta come to expect that.

But. Like. They can all be brought back to life. Why would Heathcliff push Gregor out of a blast? Or plead with Dante to restore Don before mentioning himself???

I know he's got more to him than the "meathead brute" archetype he's filling and that's THE POINT. Chapters 1 and 2 showcased he's quite clever and can think fast in the right situation (and is quite perceptive), and even Chapter 3 he has some sympathy for Backstreets folk because he's been there. He knows how shit life is. (I've read Wuthering Heights, Heathcliff is supposed to be very intelligent and cunning, nevermind his terrible upbringing because of Hindley. Project Moon has got him right).

But, in Prologue/Chapter 1 he casually beaned Sinclair with no remorse, and his first solution to most problems is still "beat it with a thwacking stick", but, why is he so concerned with the "essentially undying" lives of his coworkers? Outis is proving to be a bitch yet, in regards to the life and death of the others, that's expected. She "teases" Sinclair for contemplating self-sacrifice, and kind of dismisses Ishmael's plight since she can just be brought back. Yet, HC over here is throwing himself into danger to help Gregor, even though the outcome would be essentially unchanged if he failed (in terms of Dante)??? And then. Him pleading to Dante to help Don. He himself is injured to hell, and he still says to help Don, not himself.

And this isn't getting into the Ishmael stuff, or Meursault's perception abilities, or Ryoshu, or anything else! Like. Chapter 4 is a bit battle padded but the STORY. I NEED MORE.

[blackjackkent]

Rescued Minthara! It wasn't too hard to beat the two torturers; my favorite part of the fight, though, was that Minthara - barefoot, beaten, half mind-shattered - immediately ran straight to the nearest table, grabbed a scalpel off it, and hurled it directly at one of the torturer's faces. Queen shit.

Rakha, as usual, takes a little while to come out of the blood-rage of the battle; the beast urge was getting restless with all the strange tension with Ketheric and the general effort required not to simply open the throats of every Absolutist in the place. But it is sated now, having spilled a little blood, and Rakha comes back to herself to find Minthara staring at her with an expression difficult to read - somewhere between sadness and fear and rage.

"I expected to be greeted as a hero - but the wretches imprisoned me and tried to tear my mind apart." She draws a slow, shuddering breath and peers at Rakha warily. "I didn't think anyone would come for me."

(A/N: This feels like a bit of writing incongruity left over from the fact that you used to only be able to rescue Minthara on the evil path where she destroyed the grove, because frankly Minthara didn't have a lot of grounds to expect a hero's welcome here, since all she managed to do was intimidate a lot of goblins and then get knocked out by a rando with amnesia.

She does really have the saddest wet-cat eyes going on here though. As many other posts have already pointed out, this game is really good at making you feel bad for people who have killed hundreds of innocents. XD Her voice is also hot. All the ladies in this game make me more bi than I have ever been in my life.)

"What were they doing to you?" Rakha asks curtly. She still feels somewhat uncomfortable, having dived so deep into the raw places of this woman's mind. For reasons she can't articulate, it makes her want to retreat, to hide herself in some solitary shadow.

And yet, at the same time - it has sealed something between them, something of the same bond that ties her to her other companions. The knowledge that for better or for worse, they share a common enemy.

"Erasing my thoughts and my will," Minthara mutters. "Even I could not have endured for much longer."

Rakha breathes in slowly and lets it out in a heavy sigh between her teeth. "We need to get out of here." She has a great deal of remaining business in Moonrise - but keeping Minthara here is a recipe for trouble. Perhaps Rakha could pass this off as True Soul business for a while, but she is not a good enough liar to really make it stick.

"Agreed," Minthara answers. She is putting on a strong front and Rakha can't help a certain amount of grudging admiration for it, but the tremble in her voice is unmistakable. She came so close to the precipice of being shattered beyond repair.

[longeyelashedtragedy]

What are your most vanilla headcanons? Line what are your missionary position thoughts about Frank et al

Ohh at first I read this literally and was like hmm, is Frank a fan of missionary? This is a good one, I'm really horn dogging it these days but I'll take a peek into my soul for the vanilla that lurks within:

-Maybe this is kind of basic, but I think Frank really likes to be able to lie around reading a book with his uh, partner. This then becomes a bit tricky with Mason (and with Jamie who totally does not read books, but--secondary headcanon--I think Jamie loves Frank to read to him) because Mason isn't a reader. I think this might cause a bit of an internal challenge for Frank over time. As we kind of see in "couples try new things" there's a point where Frank breaks and can't keep playing the Daddy role--like, it's only natural for him up to a certain point. I think he'd grow frustrated not being able to Read Books with Mason, but wouldn't know what to do with that frustration. Then on the flip side, when he gets with Anthony he is threatened by Anthony's intelligence (which I haven't written about yet, but I'd really like to.) My man just can't win!

-Canonically, Frank Senior still lives in the same house all the kids grew up in. At least one of his two daughters lives right around the corner from him, and both daughters have fun going to his pub. Frank could drive over in an hour, hour and a half, but he...doesn't. So, here's where the headcanon comes in: sometimes Frank Sr goes into Franko's Little Bedroom (we got to see it in this ancient Chelsea video and the interactions between the two Franks sure are something alright) and just sits on the bed and lets the sadness? melancholy? wash over him. How did it end up like this?

-When Frank was a younger adult, I think he enjoyed being handy in the kitchen, but now he's taken on that Man Of The House persona (though from all I've taken in he doesn't give like...domineering asshole husband vibes) and sits around uselessly watching tv during cooking times. EXCEPT that I think his 90s sitcom marriage (as you so accurately called it!) winds up reinforcing this because I can definitely see Christine being like "omg, you're a hot mess do not come into my kitchen you'll ruin everything." (I can see this because she has said as much on Loose Women, lol.) Wonder who his role model is for Being a Good Husband? Uncle Harry I bet.

-It's funny, because some headcanons I've had then turn out to be true? For example, that Frank's spoiled to death by his in-laws (the Son they Never Had!) And god he must totally eat that shit up. I imagine that they were hesitant about Frank at first. A big shot footballer? Sure, he's rich, but there are so many bad stories about footballers...! But Frank Isn't Like the Others! He's smart and reads and pays attention to politics and writes in his journal on the team bus! He was able to make a good impression. How lucky that he Isn't Like the Others!

-Related...I headcanon that Frank Sr (back like over 10 years ago when his opinion still mattered) likes Christine's family's uh, philosophies on the UK. This actually comes up very briefly in the threesome fic because...what better place to put that than a threesome cmon

-When they were younger, Frank happily did Jamie's homework for him. Since Jamie's legendary neuroatypical brain made it hard for him to eat most foods, Frank would eat his extra unwanted food at family dinners. We know food was always a comfort for Franko, and this way no one would yell at Jamie for leaving food on his plate. They were always there for each other <3

-Has this come up in my fics? Probably. I'm not sure how to articulate this the right way--but I think Frank has never been in denial to himself about his sexuality. He's been ashamed, scared, all of that, sure. But I think he almost doesn't even wish he was straight? Like the only reason why he'd wish that was for the convenience. But he loves men and wants them with every ounce of his being! So he can't even imagine being another way. In my mind, he ultimately uses this to justify being a cheater, asshole, and a creep to younger lads, which is very fun to write.

-Is this one too spicy? I've been thinking this basically since the foundation of the Lampardverse lol--There's no way in hell Frank could have gotten married to a lady with a very "classically feminine" body type. Like noooooooo way. I think he'd freak the fuck out! His kinsey 5 powers can only go so far.

-Anthony has toooootally challenged Frank to a chess match. And Frank doesn't know how to play. So Anthony teases him about how he should be able to learn it quickly what with that IQ he has. Frank of course is stressed out by this because he can't have Anthony beat him in something.

-In the Derby era (digestif!) I think Frank fooled himself into thinking he was truly in love with Mason.

-It took Frank until 2021 to have a son and while I don't doubt that he loves his kids, I think he might have some mixed feelings about Having A Son--or if he doesn't now, he did then.

-I think Jamie Jamie Cousin Jamie and Christine must have an interesting relationship. She's definitely way smarter than he is, but they seem to get along quite well, and it's fun that they're in different parts of the same Industry--I think this puts Jamie at ease--she can treat him as a peer and not as Jamie the pretty face but total joke--and I'd like to think she appreciates Jamie a lot for actually treating Frank nicely, as I headcanon her as being a Frank Sr anti at this point too. Of course, as always with anything in the Lampard universe, there's a lot going on behind the scenes. Oh and--Christine and Frida (Jamie's wag) don't like each other at all.

-Oh, and I think this might actually be @protect-daniel-james 's idea, but it's so delightful that I have to put it out there--Mason was the snitch in the Utd dressing room last season!!!

shit did you want things that aren't Lampard related? this is kind of all I think about 😭. Except this:

-Nobody knew how much Mikel's sanity depended on Granit--not even Mikel 😭

[bunglegaydogs]

Hiiii I'm just sending an ask because they're all different posts (read : I'm lazy) so please don't mind me lol

First and foremost, YOU ARE AMAZING AT EXPRESSING YOUR THOUGHTS AND YOUR ESSAYS ARE ALWAYS SO NUANCED?? SO YOU SAYING THAT WAS A HUGE COMPLIMENT OMG- I love reading your bsd essays so much and it's just now that I realised that they're all your essays abaammw some of the best in the fandom really. I'm always baffled when in the middle of an essay you go "I may not be articulating my thoughts right" or "this is kind of just put together" because girl you're amazing! Never stop writing these please ajajahsbw ALSO! Hearing your little thoughts and feelings pop up in the middle of an essay makes it so endearing to me. Like, that's a whole ass person writing these many words just to express how much they like this show and they're so adorable! (So sorry if that's offensive idk if calling someone adorable is)

Also, completely unrelated lol but this is exactly why I prefer to ask people questions instead of googling! Knowing that the person explaining is a human has their own opinions and hearing their feelings and experiences is so much more better and relatable than reading stuff off a Google website. Also your pfp is the cutest everyone has cute pfps nowadays 😭 anyways yes cute pfp :D

Actually getting to the point now:

1) yes yes Oda and Dazai's relationship is so dear to me I love them sm and I adore seeing Atsushi all caring for his mentor 😭 he's basically Dazai's emotional support cat!! Dazai let the boy in please I'm begging you he can purr probably and it would melt away your stress pls pls (Maybe everyone in the ADA sees Atsushi as their emotional support cat...)

2) Mori is a piece a shit, and you should be allowed to say it. I'm never biased in my writing but I loathe that guy with my very being and the whole people who like Mori thing really got me reconsidering...was *I* the bad guy for not liking a character when I actively liked a character very similar to him? Then I realised, I completely respect and treat equally all the people who don't like/hate Dazai. I don't treat them any different just because they don't like a character. And that's what I should expect too!

There's no post defending Dazai, and yet I still like him because I accept his wrongdoings and want him to keep getting better, like Oda told him to. Yknow, the argument would be MUCH different if Dazai was a woman and not a man, imagine bashing someone for liking a teen girl and not liking the guy who groomed her to be his heir. Yeah, really puts things into perspective. I'm not sexist, I treat (respectful) men and women equally, but Mori is just. No.

3) I haven't see it before in any canon source material but I feel like it's definitely true. It's clear that Dazai WANTS to want to keep living, but he can't bring himself to want it because of all the pain he's endured. He literally said in dark era that the reason he joined the mafia was to try and seek meaning in life by being close to death and violence. It's ironic, Dazai feels the most alive when he's about to LOSE that privilege. It could also mean that Dazai only realises the "value" in living when he's about to lose it. Perhaps he thinks of things he could've done, things he'll regret, and that helps him to stop before he actually does it. But in my opinion? I don't think he finds anything of worth in that time. He just convinces himself that he does. This is a personal hc but it's probably likely to be the case.

If you've listened to the song My R, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.(totally recommend btw!).The girl in the song speaks to herself about her woes and the 'other' version of her comforts her telling her about all the things that she DOES have, but by the end of the song, she has lost everything of meaning and she can't comfort the "girl". It is only revealed that the girls she comforted are different versions of HERSELF that she stopped from jumping.

Anyways, in conclusion, SOMEBODY PLEASE GIVE THIS BOY A HUG HE DESERVES IT

oh my god oh my god oh my god

i am sat here on the verge of TEARS in my goddamn chuuya cosplay

okay okay give me a second i need to collect myself

you are singlehandedly the SWEETEST person ever im sobbing

literally i cant- thank you so fucking much! you dont understand how much this all means to me WOWOWOWOW <33333333

literally, my brain doesnt let me consume my content positively and so i always think that theyre quite bad or that im the only person who thinks that or that im saying all the wrong things lol

i have so many words and thoughts floating around in my little brain that i just cant find the words for, so thats honestly what those rants are, my delusional 4am thought processes when i deep things too much

and YOU THINK??? genuinely, thank you!!! i love reading people's essays and thoughts, so hearing you say that genuinely just warms my absolute heart <3

and yes yes i do get quite sidetracked very often and start just rambling and adding my own personal twists- genuinely i thought that was annoying for people to read, but you're just putting a big smile on my face right now :) and PLS DONT THINK CALLING ME ADORABLE IS OFFENSIVE I LITERALLY GIGGLED READING THAT SHIT FR. <333

i like to add personal experiences and thoughts into it, just to get my point across, put it into an irl perspective and let people also relate and see what im getting at. (unfortunately) i have the same experiences as most of these characters, and so that is why they're so dear to me and why i get very defensive and passionate writing about them!

and yes! getting your answers and stuff from irl people instead of strange irrelevant responses is much more preferred lol. it's more raw and in depth and definitely a lot more personal! and thank you so much!!! it's genuinely one of my favourite dazai panels istg hes such a pretty mf

1.) i love love LOVE their dynamic, i think it's one of my favourites in the show along with skk and ranpo and yosano. it really fucking hits hard, as all family dynamics do with me fr, idk what it is about them, they just get me. and yes!!! i love when atsushi shows that he cares for dazai it MAKES ME FEEL NICE <3 and that's so real oh my god hes a tiger please PLEASE he can fucking PURR (there was a tumblr post i saw, i can try and find it but it made me actually cry laughing)

THIS ONE i was fucking howling but yes! their relationship is also one that really really gets to me! and yes, he is just the ada's support cat, it's canon, i'm ranpo's sweets

2.) thank you thank you THANK YOU mori is an actual degenerate human being. he's not made to be liked or appreciated or revered, it's just fucking AEUGH. i'm not going to demonise the people who enjoy him as a character, but seriously, it's a big red flag to overlook the canon pedophilia. i saw someone make a defense against him saying "yes, but he's never actually touched kids, so that doesn't mean anything" SORRY? they also went on to say that he "restrains himself" from having pedophilic thoughts with elise, and basically praised him for that. needless to say, it got me feeling fucking icky. and yes! i feel exactly the same. i always think that "oh, maybe i'm the awful one for not liking him? am i bad?" even though, no, i'm perfectly fine thinking that way and i am allowed to think that way. and exactly again! dazai is my favourite character, but i recognise his flaws and his mistakes and don't forgive them. but he's actively trying to "be a better person" (i say this in quotation marks because dazai sees everything he does as inevitably pointless, but still wishes to uphold oda's dying words. i am definitely going to make a post about this in the near future lol) and i dont make my analyses biased towards him, and i stay on neutral ground UNLESS personal opinion comes up, to which i then say that it's my personal opinion, not fact, and that it's anybody's choice to think however they want. if somebody doesn't like dazai; okay! i'm interested in talking with them, and we can both talk about things we're very passionate about and have healthy conversations! unlike some people i have seen on reddit, goddamn. but no, we're not the bad people for hating that knobhead fr. we should all treat and be treated the same as any other fan in the fandom and get along, and i wish we could ALL do that in non-toxic ways. 99% of this fandom are the loveliest people ever, but that 1% just needs to get a grip like omg. we should treat others how we want to be treated, regardless of who favours what ship and who likes what character. and real!!! if gender roles were reversed for dazai, this would be much more problematic, and that's upsetting! dw dw, i dont think its sexist, i think its putting things into perspective bc, either way, its shitty how he was treated. i fucking hate mori. whenever i see people defending him to like, the bone, like not getting into a decent discussion and being civil but instead bashing everyone who says otherwise and completely overlooking the abuse, manipulation, grooming, pedophilia and just him as a sick and twisted person in general, it just really irks me. as someone who has in fact had to deal with separate strands of abuse including many fucking counts of sexual abuse and pedophilia, it disgusts me seeing people overlooking it and it makes me feel fucking sick. that shit is not just something to be overlooked because of the fact that you enjoy mori as a character, he's not supposed to be a character that's consumed positively, he's a bad guy. a lot of characters in bsd are morally grey, but mori is just fucking morally black. he's downright evil.

(TW for suicide and self harm next btw :) )

3.) yes yes yessss!!! again, bringing personal stuff into it, i deal heavily with the whole topic of suicide and self harm. i've attempted twice and still deal with thoughts of it every single day, as well as self harm. so, this is one of my main reasons of dazai being my absolute favourite character, because of the representation and actual presentation of these topics. at first, we're shown them in a whimsical and whacky way, then it gets so much darker once we get into the dark era. it's a complete tonal shift, and it really sets in the gravity of the situation for him. and, as you said, he wants to have that ability to want to keep going and living, and he wants to be able to put the effort in, but he can't/ he physically cannot. as much as he would want to try, he can't. and yes, when he said that it fucking BROKE me fr. just at the chance that he's not able to keep living on anymore as a human is the one thing that keeps him alive, i fucking love asagiri's writing, it's so complex and beautiful. and its so so so real!!! youre literally right idc lmao. youve so eloquently said it im crying, youre putting all my thoughts into words <3

and yes!!! i have listened to the song, i absolutely LOVE it! and i never fail to think of dazai whenever i listen to it </3 and, i also think it's very very much like dazai, because of the multiple different versions we see of him too. chuuya hasn't exactly changed much, but he has gone through some very very complex and deep character developments, such as in fifteen and stormbringer. hes a lot more "tame" and respectful now, and a lot more mature. (except with dazai lmao) aku, we see he's changed slightly thanks to atsushi, but still no major character fucking flip arounds. all these characters we've watched slowly become better and more complex throughout the series. dazai? he just does 180s every single fucking year. hes different at 14 and 15 than he is at 18. hes different at 18 than he is at 20-22. and the different faces he puts on for each and every person, all his masks that he has. there's much variety to dazai; you never know what you'll get. there's so many different sides to him, because he doesn't know who he is. as odasaku saw him, "a lost child crying out". no matter the age, no matter the state, dazai is always going to be harbouring that broken child with him, trying to hide it and build up walls around it, because the only time he's ever shown it, he's gotten hurt or betrayed and lost some key figures in his life. trust issues much?

anyways i am sorry i am sorry i rambled too much lmao

in conclusion, YES, GIVE HIM A FUCKING HUG OH MY GOD PLEASE I JUST NEED SOMEONE TO HUG HIM PLS GOD LET ATSUSHI GIVE HIM A BIG HUG WHEN HE COMES OUT OF MEURSAULT I SWEAR-

thank you so so so SO much for your kind words!!! sweetest person EVER fr <333333

thank you my love!!! /p have a lovely day/night :) <3

[little-pissbaby]

as always, we're complaining under the cut. tw for medical PTSD, mentions of medical procedures, personal/graphic descriptions of my fucked up little body, extremely privileged whining, it's worth it for the cat at the bottom tho

I am exhausted by the number of appointments I have. I've become the kind of person who has multiple appointments every single week. This week and next week are three appointment weeks, and those appointments always lead to scheduling MORE test/procedures/office visits.

I had an appointment with my urogynecologist. Given my history of neurogenic bladder and severe stage IV endometriosis, she's in agreement with me that it might be time to at least consider a bowel diversion, if not a total colonoscopy. This would be done in addition to a bladder diversion because self-catheterization has proven unsustainable and, frankly, dangerous for me to try to continue. I'll likely have a foley placed tomorrow morning that will stay in until I can get in to the urological surgeon, who has not called to schedule yet. I have the colorectal surgery consult next month and the neurourology consult a month after that. Just thinking about it gives me a headache.

I also have an EEG in a few days to see if the blackout episodes I've been having are epilepsy, and if it is, I'm not sure what we'll do since I'm already on a good amount of anticonvulsants. I have a feeling I'm going to leave that test with a migraine and no answers, which was exactly how the EMG/NCS I had done in my hand last Friday went.

Other things I've started include using a CPAP machine. I thought this shit was supposed to help you sleep better, but instead I'm waking up many many times in a two hour window, the pressure being pushed into my lungs is dislocating my ribs, I'm getting bloated from wearing it, and the pressure is coming out of my eyes and ears too due to a deformity in my inner ears called patulous eustachian tubes, so now my constant migraine is back in full force. I'm nothing but bloated and irritable as hell, but if I don't use it for at least four hours a day for at least 24 days a month, medicaid won't pay for it and I will have to pay out of pocket to buy the machine. My mother price checked it, it costs ~$1300 to buy the machine I have. I might just give up and give it to my brother, who also needs a CPAP but who doesn't also have EDS and is, therefore, not prone to ribs dislocating.

I met with my 4th electrophysiologist and that was a frustratingly and dangerously nonproductive appointment. He did not speak or understand spoken English well enough to be allowed to practice medicine in an English-speaking country imo. I don't give a shit about an accent, I don't think people need to "go back to where they came from" or that they need to speak English exclusively, but man it is so important in the field of medicine to be able to actually understand what your patient is saying to you. He had no idea what the condition I have even was, and he assumed I made all of these diagnoses for attention but would "humor me" and wrote IN HIS NOTES that I "insisted" on a holter monitor and tilt table test. I got these orders from Duke university, the closest university to me that has a genetic electrophysiology department and a dysautonomia clinic, both of which I was being seen at until Duke stopped taking my insurance. I was trying to tell this absolute worm brain that I was telling him what the top specialists GLOBALLY told me to have done, but I was just being young and attention-seeking I guess, I'm so dangerously angry about it, it makes my chest hurt to try and articulate just how badly this EP fucked it up for me.

I realized in the middle of a visit with my PCP on the 30th that I am not working towards a goal. Most people go to the doctor with the goal of Get Better Enough To Work, or Get Better Enough To Take Care Of The Kids. I don't have that. I'll never be able to hold down a job and I can't and don't want to have children.

I feel like the shittiest friend on Earth too because a good friend of mine only lives four hours away, but as much as we'd both like to visit, I have to schedule everything in my life around what's starting to look like a year packed with surgeries. I can't just pack up and go visit him, I come with medical equipment now. Between meds, splints, incontinence supplies, and the CPAP, I have to basically haul around a small urgent care center everywhere I go. I hate that I have to be planned around.

For a few wins, I do not have carpal tunnel, and when I had my A1C checked at my last PCP appointment, it was 4.9! Every doctor who finds that out informs me even their own A1C isn't that good because they like some specific sweet treat too much. My secret? No one has said they liked something that doesn't have dairy in it, and I've had a dairy allergy since birth.

anyway. I turned 26 just over a month ago and my beloved medical advisor turned 1 year old the same day. she's my birthday buddy :) it's weird having an Adult Cat in the house now, she's not the teeny tiny kitten that sneezed in my eye and gave me pinkeye anymore.

thanks 4 reading, besties. until my next frustratingly whiny and Packed Full of Info update <3

pictured: my big adult girl and medical supervisor 🥰