#i have so many more thoughts of how each kid is a different reflection/ foil aspect of something present in aloy and nil

[thunderjawsandlightning]

Having thoughts about the Gauntlet Racing squad and I just. I love them so much. They are a reflection and an embodiment of different aspects that are present in both Aloy and Nil. They are so important to Aloy's journey of self discovery and finding her own community of people that she can just be herself with. They are so healing to Nil and his struggles with his own (presumed) military-childhood past, and especially so with his desire and search for close bonds with people he can and will trust.

They are community and camaraderie that both Nil and Aloy have been missing in their search for who they are beyond a legacy they didn't ask for. Names and status and deeds don't mean anything on the track, it's just you, your mount, and your weapons.

They are an example of freedom and wanderlust, free to go wherever they please and always searching for something new. Not being bound to one place because you've already seen so much of the world, it's hard to think that you would settle in just one place when there's so much more of the world to be seen and to experience.

They see past tribe and clan differences for the more raw, primal instinct and exhilarating joy of a good challenge and feeling alive, of truly being in the moment. Not caught up in the macro politics of tribal traditions and rituals, of laws and rules that are put in place by those with power that affect so many more without. The racers live for the moment, live IN the moment, and embody so wholeheartedly of being of the world.

Nil seeing Aloy interact with the kids, and the kids claiming her as "one of them" as she participates in more and more races. Of seeing the hardened mask of the Hunt drop away for the thrill and elation of crossing the finish line first. Of wanting more of that freedom for her, of making the Offer to her to join them, even though he knows that she won't stray from her path until she sees it through because he would have done (and did) the same.

Aloy seeing the not-really begruding-turned-respectful admiration that the kids have for Nil. Of seeing him have a weight lifted from his shoulders, to step out (even just a little bit) from the shadow of the Red Raids and the actions that bloodied his hands and his soul. And him doing so by going back to a tribe that was once the Carja's fiercest opponent, and lands that were the site for the inception and birth of his macabre and much-whispered reputation. And now, he's no longer doing penance by roundabout means of socially acceptable justice (bandit hunting), but in a healing, tactile way that his C-PTSD can process and transform into productive, healthy action and habits (racing).

And all of that could only be facilitated by this stray band of kids, racing in the desert: quote: "...the glint of steel at high speed and metal haunches splashed with blood...", and Nil and Aloy each seeing them upon crossing the threshold of the landscape in their own time, and each of them being equally intrigued.

[ncisladaily]

NCIS: Los Angeles‘ Barrett Foa himself had a hand in one of the Season 12 finale’s big sendoffs. No, not his own nor co-star Renee Felice Smith’s. But that of Eric Beale’s mustache.

Speaking with TVLine exclusively about parting ways with the high-octane CBS drama after more than a decade, Foa shared that amusing anecdote about a carefully clipped caterpillar, as well as reflected fondly on his 12-season run, his character’s journey from “bumbling beta” to “bulletproof,” Eric and Nell’s happy ending and his hope for a milestone encore.

TVLINE | How did you find out that your time with the show was coming to end, and what was your initial reaction? It was just sort of clear that we were, like, winding down this character during this season, so I think we sort of mutually were like, “This feels right.” I know the pandemic was a tough and strange time for everyone, but it sort of gave me time to do some real good work on myself, so as Barrett I was out exploring and adventuring…. Kind of like what Eric Beale was doing! He was getting into all kinds of crazy stuff in his new billionaire life, and I was sort of living my best life in the interims, in between the seven or eight episodes that I did this season. It was a nice little parallel reflection there.

TVLINE | [Showrunner] Scott [Gemmill] told me basically the same thing, that it felt like time for the character’s story to wind down, plus he knows what a multi-talented, ambitious son-of-a-gun you are. I’ve done some sort of incredible, amazing, artistically fulfilling theatrical endeavor in between each season, and I’ve loved doing that, because it just really recharged my batteries for each new 10-month stretch of NCIS: LA. It kept things fresh, and I’m excited for new, wonderful things coming my way. First of all, theater is back, which is very exciting. Television also is back, but it’s so different from when we started 12 years ago.

TVLINE | Now you can peel off and do a six-episode something, and then go on to an eight-episode something, and still have a half a year left. Exactly. I always thought that I would be living that sort of more gypsy lifestyle. I was an actor in New York for 10 years before NCIS: LA, going from Broadway to off-Broadway to regional to Broadway to off-Broadway to regional, and I always thought that would be my life. So when I auditioned for this part, I was like, “NCI-what? Who? How many letters are there?” I was a guest star for the first 12 episodes, and then they sort of saw something in me and liked me and I became a series regular on Episode 13. Now, 12 seasons later, 280 episodes later, I’m on this primetime network television show the likes of which doesn’t really exist anymore. It’s sort of the last of its kind, and I love that I got to be a part of that and have that consistency, to have one character for so long, to have one family for so long.

TVLINE | Well, let’s talk about the character that you played for some 280 episodes. What do you love about Eric? Oh, gosh…. I really love how far he’s come. I started out as this tech guy that was spouting coordinates, and as I realized that there was so much brawny energy on the show, I felt like there was a place for someone who was brainy and sort of beta, and that could make a great foil to our leading character team. So I started leaning into that a bit more, and I think the writers really liked that.

Eric Beale was so good at what he does in his job, but socially he’s so awkward. And in love, he’s so awkward. I love that he found his match with Nell, because she was so good at her job but she was also super quirky and liked the same nerdy things that Eric Beale liked. Again, I started out as this sort of computer geek who delivered a ton of exposition, and I don’t know if they knew what to do with me at first, but then I think the writers were like, “Oh, Barrett’s funny. Oh, Barrett can fall in love. Oh, Barrett can give us some quirk.”

TVLINE | “Oh, Kilbride can yell at Eric for wearing board shorts to work.” Exactly. And at one point they were like, “Let’s put this bumbling beta Beale in the field and see what happens,” and then he became “bulletproof Beale” and surprised everyone with how he can sort of hang with the guys. It was cool to see that growth, and suddenly have entire episodes about my character. And then in this last season, to see him becoming a billionaire and me getting to show up with my pandemic ‘stache and my long, curly hair.

TVLINE | And be a liiiittle bit douchey. [Laughs] A little bit douchey, and with a whole new wardrobe. It was about time that Eric Beale got a little cocky! It was a fun turn, and I think that also parallels my life in the last 12 years. Like, I’ve come so far in my confidence and my style, knowing who I am. I think we both learned a lot in the 12 years.

TVLINE | But did you learn a single thing about computers? Not one.

TVLINE | You learned how to poke at an iPad. I learned how to poke at Microsoft tablet — a little nod to our sponsors, there. Eric said a lot of fancy things and he hacked into a lot of FBI websites, but I don’t think I can come close to that — nor would I want to try.

TVLINE | Did you like the happy ending they gave Eric and Nell? I mean, they literally rode off into the sunset. We did, and I think it’s really fun. He pulled up in a matte black Lamborghini, opens the door, and he’s like, “Do you like it? Is it too much?” He can’t even stand by it, because he’s Eric Beale; he needs to ask Nell and Deeks if they like it. But he’s got to put that money somewhere!

TVLINE | I need to know. Did Renée actually shave your mustache on-camera? She did. Thank you for reminding me about that.

So, this is actually a funny story. I hadn’t been on the show for a bit — I had like a month off or something — so I was clean-shaven. Because I knew my episode was coming up, I asked Scott, “Hey, for the finale, do you want the ‘stache back? Because I’d need to start growing it.” And he’s like, “Oh my god, yes. And you know what I’m going to do? I’m going to have Renée shave it on-screen.” Now, you never really know when Scott is kidding; he always has these crazy ideas. But I open the script, and from the first draft to the second he added this entire scene of Renée shaving my mustache — and it was all because I asked about the mustache, and it sparked this idea. So, that was a really fun, live moment. And I definitely was walking around with half a mustache for an entire afternoon.

TVLINE | Last question: What is your message to the fans? My message to the fans? Oh my gosh…. You’re going to make me all sentimental. I mean, I’m sort of taken aback whenever fans reach out. I live an incredibly blessed life, and the fact that am on a long-running television show for 12 years has been so fantastic, yet I can also live my life and go to the grocery store. Especially in L.A., people don’t stop you as much on the street, so it’s really nice to have social media to be in direct contact with our fans and see how much they love us and watch us, consistently. They really follow storylines.

I get wind of all the fan fiction and blogs, the Reddit things or whatever, where people discuss the nitty gritty plot details of our show, and I’m constantly reminded of how much this show means to people when, in my everyday life, I can sort of forget that.

The fans and this show have really, completely changed my life, so I am so grateful for them and their loyalty…. I sometimes can’t even believe how many people watch our show every week, after all these seasons, with so much entertainment out there. It feels like such an honor.

TVLINE | NCIS: LA will hit 300 episodes late next season, so maybe Scott will bring you back for that milestone. I would love nothing more. How cool is it that our creators have very much kept the door open for Beale to return? It would be fun to hear from the fans about how they’d want him to stop by for a visit next season.

TVLINE | He could pull up in the Lamborghini…. Well, I feel like Beale would at that point have a private drone that would fly him in, or some helicopter that blows Hetty’s mind!

[lovelessdagger]

Starlight - Chapter Six: Devil in Disguise

Pairing: Din Djarin x OC, Din Djarin x OFC

Rating: Mature

Enemies to Lovers, Slow Burn, Canon Divergence

Warnings: Explicit Language, mentions of drug abuse

Words: 3585

Summary: In her youth, she hadn’t had the fortune of friends, or really any amicable or civilized relationship. Boarding school provided about as much of a social life as one could expect. What with Imperial propaganda as the basis of all education. Churning out brainwashed children one year after the other. When she was moved to private tutoring, she never stood a chance.

Not that she considered the Mandalorian to be a friend, she didn’t. She was lonely but not desperate.

Starlight Masterlist Here

Read Chapter Five Here

Read on AO3 Here

Something’s off with the Mandalorian, that much had been obvious since she woke. He’s avoiding her, to a much greater extent than she would have expected from him.

She doesn’t know how long she slept in his lap that night prior, how many hours have passed since Eadu. Wults. The breakdown which left her with little dignity.

All she knows is that she is alone.

The smallest part of her, the foolish part that still believed in hope and her being worthy of joy, actually thought he would be there. Greet her maybe. Give her another ration pack. Ask if she felt any better.

Say he forgave her.

She supposes she’d done a much greater deal to him than she had originally thought. All he wanted was to find other Mandalorians. Maybe find the girl he kept speaking of. That side of the dilemma was one she still hadn’t completely understood.

Feelings weren’t her forte. Certainly not positive ones.

Instead she’s alone. Convinced he’s locked himself in his bedchamber with the child.

She couldn’t blame him, not really.

She would have done the same. Actually, she would have done a lot worse.

At least Coruscant would break her back into reality. Into the future she had cemented for herself.

The entirety of her life had been a useless cycle. Wake. Meal. Lessons. Meal. Training. Meal. Meditation. Sleep. Transitioning into adulthood, circumstances only changed for the worse. Schooling was replaced with missions assigned by her father, the devil that he was. Meals grew few and far between, combatant training turned from dummies to fighting assassination droids to real people.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Working for Neri’Kelli offered little difference in routine.

Then comes in the Mandalorian. The annoyingly stubborn asshole that he is, ruining her mission, missions really. Daring to be kind to her, to give an ounce of a damn, why?

He said he cared for the girl because she was good, but what the fuck did that even mean?

Because she, for possibly the first time in her pathetic little life decided to be nice? That she she risked everything to tell Neri about him?

Was that good?

He doesn’t know her. He doesn’t know how vile she is. How sinful her soul is. How that girl is the most terrifying person she had the displeasure of knowing.

She wasn’t capable of good.

She never was. Never will be.

The funny thing about memories is how completely unreliable they can be. In memory, everything can be misconstrued in emotion, perspective, biases, intentional or not, vision is clouded. It was amazing how something so pivotal to the experience of life could just be… wrong. Objectively.

The Mandalorian’s memories, she decides, are clouded. By what she couldn’t say exactly. Ignorance, arrogance, a cocktail of both.

She can’t entertain the thought of his emotions being more than that. More positive, caring, intimate.

The girl isn’t worthy of that.

History was different. History was objective. Based in fact and reality. The assassin prided herself by working off history, not memory. Objective, emotionless stories of the past. She’s seen enough to not care for the fluff of things anymore.

Eadu was a mistake. Where history and memory became one.

Eadu tapped into that part of her again, the foolish side. The one that believed she could ever escape the Empire. That she could be normal if she wanted to.

The words of Wults circles her head, like a scratched record on repeat. “What is it with daughters presumed dead reappearing out of thin air?”

She must have been like her. The girl crying for her father. The girl whose history was stuck in the canyons, screaming for someone to listen.

Historically speaking, the exploded laboratory was a relic of the war. Rebel victory against the Empire.

But in memory, it was a girl, practically a kid really. Scared. Wanting her father. Believed to no longer exist.

A reflection the assassin would rather not think about in all honesty.

She sits in the cockpit alone, fumbling with the buttons of the Razor Crest. Radio static plays in the background, channels aren’t reachable in hyperspace but anything would be better than the ship’s eerie silence.

She should tell him.

But should and will are entirely different concepts. For starters, will requires a conscious. Morality. You didn’t get as far as her with nonsense like that.

In her youth, she hadn’t had the fortune of friends, or really any amicable or civilized relationship. Boarding school provided about as much of a social life as one could expect. What with Imperial propaganda as the basis of all education. Churning out brainwashed children one year after the other. When she was moved to private tutoring, she never stood a chance.

Not that she considered the Mandalorian to be a friend, she didn’t. She was lonely but not desperate.

He makes it to the cockpit before she can talk herself into it. The kid rests his cheek on the cold Beskar of Mando’s chest, babbling quietly into the metal. They sit behind her.

There’s no vocal acknowledgment of each other at first, nothing either could say would do justice to dispel the tension between them.

This would be the worst time to tell him. It feels too late now.

“We should be landing soon,” she says. “You got up just in time, only a few minutes until we’re out of hyperspace.”

Mando says nothing. He doesn’t nod, doesn’t do that sigh he does when he’s especially annoyed, nothing. Through the reflection in front of her, he watches the kid instead.

“We won’t be going to the club, he’s not there this late.” She rubs her hands on her thighs, fidgeting with the wrinkles she creates in the fabric. “Level 1313 isn’t the greatest place in the galaxy, the kid should stay here. It’s not safe, even with the two of us.”

Nothing.

A minute passes. ”If you’re upset about last night, I’m sorry. But I meant what I said, I’ll get you your information.” The ship beeps in the background. Five minutes until sublight.

“How am I supposed to believe anything you tell me?” Mando asks, stoic and hoarse.

“What?”

“How do I know all of this wasn’t planned? How do I know everything I know about you hasn’t been anything but lies?”

Her heart sinks into the acid of her stomach. He knew.

“Why are you helping me?” he asks.

How did he know?

“I owe you,” she says.

There was no way he could know.

“For what?” he asks.

She had been so careful.

She pauses. “Nothing. Everything.”

He hums and they fall into themselves yet again.

---

They’re on a cargo airspeeder roughly a quarter of the size of the Razor Crest. Mando doesn’t know how she managed to get one, or how they managed to bypass the New Republic tunnel checks into the Underworld. No one got in 1313, and no one left unless given a special clearance granted by the Senate.

The descent takes a total of three minutes, its enough for her to leave the operation seat and throw on a cape of her own, hooded, it covers her entire body. Her face is covered again, hair tied back and hidden. His mind felt in limbo. The duffle bag of her personals was tossed aside by the entrance. Tucked away, folded along side all her weapons and clothing, his cape had been there the entire time. It was with her.

“Stick close, even one piece of your Beskar is worth more than anyone’s life down here.”

Unless—

“I don’t need your protection,” Mando says. His eyes catches hers in their distance. There was no guarantee for his suspicions. Atikya having his cape didn’t necessarily mean she was Lumina. She could have killed her, taken a sick trophy instead.

But who was he kidding.

This whole time, she had been with him this entire time. In his ship, in his refresher, in his shirt. Asleep on his lap. With his son.

The kid.

He must have known. This whole time he knew. That’s why he’s been so attached to her. That mind reading, sorcerer, little green womp rat knew. Maybe it was one of those weird Jedi powers, recognition of… aura or something. He recognized her as someone Mando cared about and immediately assumed he should to.

And Mando let him.

It was so obvious. Sure their voices differed. Atikya fell deeper, more sultry, confident. Lumina sounded like a song, the perfect lullaby. She had sounded so hesitant, scared even. It was enough to throw him off.

Still.

Same hair, same height, same teasing manner. Stars, her laughter was exactly the same as that on Tatooine. It lit up the room in joy and filled his heart with warmth.

And her eyes. He catches them again before she turns away.

Fuck her eyes.

He couldn’t see it until she cried. Why couldn’t he see it? She had carried herself so differently in the past days. Always arguing, fighting, brushing him aside at any moment. Avoiding eye contact at all times possible… so quick to hide her appearance whenever necessary.

“Suit yourself,” she says. “I’ll get Neri to tell you what you need to know, then you leave. I don’t need you sticking around to see anything you shouldn’t. You’ll take this speeder back to the surface, no one should stop you on the way up. If they do, show them this.”

She tosses a holographic card to him, inscribed an axe symbol, blood droplets under it. On the back of the card written in gold lettering: THE HOLDER OF THIS CARD IS IN EXEMPTION OF NEW REPUBLIC ORDENACE AS DICTATED BY THE GALACTIC SENATE. In the bottom corner in gold foil, the official seal of the New Republic.

“What about you?” Mando asks.

She shrugs. “If there’s a filter in that helmet of yours, I suggest using it. If you’re not used to the air here it’ll leave you sick like hell, and that’s if you’re lucky.”

The back plank of the ship opens into the city, sprawling in smog, the air is thick. She looks back at the Mandalorian over her shoulder. Words on the brink of her lips go unspoken.

---

“My first time here I was just a girl,” Atikya narrates. Buildings are decrepit, walls covered in fungi excreting toxins, gang symbols, and shattered glass. “My father had employed the Mandalorian on your wall to help train me in stealth and combat. He brought me here to learn how to evade Imperial surveillance systems. It wasn’t always such a shithole here, there used to be police and proper businesses, families. Now it’s mainly criminals, homeless people, black market vendors. So we’re left alone.”

They walk past a group of men huddled for warmth, their hands surround a pile of old droid parts set on fire. They’re covered in dirt and soot, tattered clothes layered as if they were on Hoth. They cough and smoke, passing along bottles of alcohol. In Atikya’s passing their slurred speech turn to quiet murmurs, each one nodding their heads.

At a corner, a female Mirialan lays unmoving, stomach protruding and round. Mando stops in front of the body, he’s sick. A can by her fallen hand holds few credits.

“Shit,” Atikya curses. She kneels by the woman, her hand hovering around the body. It shakes, and her shoulders tense. She lifts the woman’s arm, littered with markings. “It’s only been a few hours, overdose.” She grabs the can, pouring its contents into her hand. “Hey!” She approaches two men on the other side of the street, tossing the credits at them. “Show the lady some respect,” she says, nodding over. “Be gentle.”

“That necklace could be worth a pretty penny,” one hisses in front of her. He lifts the Mirialan by the shoulders, the other taking her legs. “Is it available?”

“Only the jewelry. If I find out either of you stripped her I’ll hunt you myself. Understood?” They nod wordlessly, sunken eyes fearful and avoiding hers. “Good. Get out of here, she deserves to rest.” She waves them away, the men leaving with forgotten apologies.

“Where are they taking her?” Mando asks.

“The morgue. She’ll be expedited for cremation, hopefully word gets out about her by tomorrow night. We try to do blackouts whenever we find these things.”

“Blackouts?”

“Yeah. Nights where the level is silent. No selling, fights, loitering, anything that could cause a scene. Every building goes dark, depending who’s found there might be a vigil,” she explains as they walk. “Sometimes we’ll find kids, they usually get a day or so. It’s community mourning tradition.”

“That’s… really nice,” Mando says.

“No one likes seeing dead kids, or pregnant women. We might be Coruscant’s worse, but we’re not that evil. Most of us anyways.”Above, pipes rumble and clash. “We need to hurry. It’ll rain soon.”

“Rain reaches down here?”

Her head shakes. “It’s not water.”

---

Neri’Kelli’s compound, to the best of the Mandalorian’s ability can only be described as unfortunate. They enter to a foyer of gold ornate statues of naked women, framed art works lining the walls. Black tiled floors are sprinkled in flecks of gold reflecting chandeliers lighting as stars.

Two Trandoshans guard the entryway, blocking the pair in ridiculous red velvet suits. They stand with trembling hands clasped behind their backs, heads turned down.

“Move,” Atikya says.

“No can do ma’am,” one speaks up shakily. “Orders from Mr. Kelli, you’re not allowed in.”

She laughs. “Is that right? I need to talk to Neri, get out of the way.”

“I’m sorry we-“ He coughs. He coughs and coughs and coughs. Each grows increasingly more violent than the last, he coughs so much Mando starts to worry he’ll drop dead right there. His hands fumble around his throat, pulling at his collar.

“He’s in the lounge,” the other guard jumps in. The choking one stops, dropping to his knees with gasps for air.

Atikya nods, stepping over his body, Mando follows in caution.

They find the Twi’lek watching a film projected on the wall in the back of the compound. Fittingly, he thinks, it’s a horror, symphonic devastating orchestra the background of the scene. There are no guards surrounding him, no flashing lights, smoke, drinks. Just him, in the darkness of the red lighting.

Atikya sighs, tossing her bag in front of his feet. “Neri,” she says.

He looks up, grin plastered across pointed teeth. “Ayy’Numa.” He looks around. “I see you failed me, again.”

“Considering you set me up? I take it as a victory.”

“Set you up? I’m hurt. I would never do such a thing.” He’s unbothered, terribly so, more engrossed in the fake slaughter playing before him. “No bounties, no information.” He glances at Mando, “You understand don’t you?”

“Cut the shit Neri. You’re going to tell the Mandalorian everything he needs to know. No tricks. No lies.”

“And if I don’t?”

She pulls out the blaster strapped to her hips, the barrel inches away from his forehead. “I can do this the ugly way too.”

He scoffs. “I always did say I wanted to be burned by you didn’t I? But I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” he chuckles.

“And why not?”

Neri leans forward, pressing a button under the table his feet rest on. There’s a loud buzz, a metal door automates open. Two men step out, the Imperial emblem on their uniforms unmistakable. Behind them, two more Trandoshans. “I’ve been in contact with old friends,” he says. Mando whips out his own blaster. “You’re selling for quite the price dear.” His fingers snap, the Imperials walk forward, guns raised to the girl. A disapproving finger wags at Mando. “Down. You shoot them or me, they shoot her.”

“You sold me?” Atikya asks, barely a whisper.

“You sold yourself the moment you tried to leave me. I did what I had to do, it was about time you learned some consequences.”

“Consequences?” She stumbles on the word. “Is that what you’re calling this? Do you have any idea what you’ve done to me?”

“No worries. I was given quite the briefing earlier. When you came here you were just a scared little girl. Look at you now, you’ll be dead without me. What was your plan when you left? You have no one but me.”

“That’s not true.”

“Isn’t it?” He points to Mando, a steady stride poised in his direction. “You can replace your Mandalorian friend as many times as you’d like,” he chuckles, turning back to her. “It won’t bring him back.”

“Stop it Neri,” Atikya says.

“I thought you would have given up, it’s been so many years doll. What will you do next? Find a man to replace your father?”

“Neri-“ The men grab her, one placing handcuffs, the other holding his gun to the back of her head.

“Perhaps a droid. They have the same emotional depth as him.”

“Neri you’re being cruel.”

“Cruel?” The Twi’lek laughs. “Cruel… No, no this isn’t cruel. This is deserved.” Neri cackles, he faces Mando again. “I’ve got no business with you,” he says.“Find Viroz Petiko on Canto Bight. He knows exactly where to find your Mandalorians.”

“The spice lord?”

“Aye. He’s a hermit, only comes out a few times a year. But you’re in luck. He’s hosting a ball in a fortnight. He’ll tell you all you need to know.” Neri pulls a cloth bag out of his pockets, handing credits to Mando. “I believe our contract is done.”

He looks at Atikya and nods, then to the guards who approach him. “You’re right,” he says, pocketing the money. “I’ll be on my way.”

The guards lead Mando out into the hallway, mutters are audible behind them, followed by laughter, shouting. Atikya’s voice is the main cause of the latter, curses echoing out the doorway. Then, gunshots.

Mando strikes the jaw of the first guard behind him, grabbing the gun of the other, he shoots them in the head. Its an easy enough kill, leaving the Mandalorian entirely unfazed.

He runs into the lounge, movie still projected onto the walls. In the middle of the room, a cloaked figure huddled on the ground. The bodies of the two Imperials fallen where they last stood, dead.

“Bad choice Mandalorian,” Neri’Kelli says behind him. He holds Atikya, his knife pressed against her throat. “I told you to leave.”

“Let her go.”

“Oh don’t tell me you care for her!” Neri laughs. He grabs Atikya’s chin, forcing it forward. “After all she’s done to you? You know just as well as I do how useless she is.”

“I wasn’t asking. Let her go before I blast your brains out.”

Neri clicks his tongue, “I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this. I’ll give you a choice Mando. Take her,” he says, tilting his head to Atikya. ”And she dies” He looks forward to the figure who’s head moves. “Or. The other way around. Take a look, I’m sure the choice is clear. Of course you could always walk away.”

The figure breathes heavy. Cautiously, Mando walks towards her, blaster pointed out.

“I’m fine, go away,” she says. It stops his heart, sinking it deep in the dark pit of his chest. His head snaps to Neri, Atikya is still in his arms.

“Hey,” he says softly, reaching for the hood of the cape. Slowly, he pulls it down. In front of him, her face stares, a growing bruise on her cheek. “Lumina?” He asks in a whisper. She sits in front of him, face perfectly captured from memory.

“You have to leave,” she whispers. “I’ll be fine. Go.” Her words earn her a strike at the back of her head by Neri, crying out she falls forward.

Mando stands, he punches Neri in the jaw, his stumble back is enough to free Atikya. She falls on the ground, gasping. Neri chuckles, rubbing the point of impact. He aims two blasters, pointed at each of the girls. “Shoot me and they both get it. Pick your poison. Tick tock.”

Atikya sits up, looking between them all. “He took my weapons,” she says. “I can’t get out of this. Come on, use your brain for once, shoot her.”

Mando stares at her, then Lumina, then her again. He had been so sure. So positive they were one in the same. Everything added up, until now.

“Mandalorian—” Lumina says.

“I won’t hurt you,” Mando shakes his head.

Neri gasps, looking down at the assassin. “Are those feelings?” He asks, amusement trickling in his voice. “Mandalorian,” he whispers. “Don’t tell me. This is too good.”

“What is taking so long,” Atikya presses. “You met her once! She’s the whole reason any of this is happening. Shoot her!”

“Stop it,” Mando warns, facing her.

“I’m right! I’m right, I’m right,” Atikya says. She tries to stand, Neri’s blaster shoots above her head. She ducks down, glaring at the Twi’lek. “If you walk out we’re both dead anyways. I can actually help you. I have helped you this entire time. What did she do? She left you. She doesn’t care about you, if she did she would have stayed!”

“Atikya,” Mando grunts. “You’re not helping yourself.”

“Why don’t you tell him the truth,” Neri says, leaning over her. “Go on. He doesn’t know does he? Tell him.” Atikya’s head shakes, she looks away. “You want to live don’t you?” Neri asks. “Tell him the truth and it’s a guarantee.”

“Don’t,” Lumina says. “No, you can’t. Don’t say anything. Neri… Mandalorian please..”

Atikya scoffs, eyes rolling. “Not so tough now are you? Fine,” she mocks “You want to know why you should shoot her?” Her hand reaches up unwrapping her hair. “I really really really thought you knew,” she muttered. Her mess of hair falls down, then her mask. “Now do you believe me?”

No.

No. This isn’t right. This isn’t right at all. Something is wrong. Something is very very wrong. This couldn’t be possible.

And yet.

There she was. Again. Lumina. Or at least her face, just as he suspected. But…

Hesitantly, Mando’s arm raises, pointed at Lumina, or ‘Lumina’, he wasn’t entirely sure what was happening. A demented fever dream if anything.

Neri laughs manically, lowering his guns. “What a turn of events. What are you waiting for? Shoot him.”

“Get up,” Mando says, holding out his other arm for Atikya. She takes it and stands, hiding behind him. “You have a lot of explaining to do,” he mutters.

Her eyes roll. “Can we fight later?”

“You,” he says, motioning with his gun to the other girl. “Who are you?”

She swears under her breath, eyes squeezed up. She looks up at Neri, standing slowly. “You promised,” she said.

The Twi’lek shrugs. “I never promised anything.”

“Who the fuck are you?” Atikya asks tightly.

“Stupid isn’t a good look on you,” Lumina says. “Mandalorian… if you know what’s good for you, you won’t shoot me. I’m not the one who’s lying.”

“Wait… Stars I know exactly who you are,” Atikya says, stepping forward.

“Atikya wait—“ Mando starts.

“Oh please tell me you don’t actually believe her!” Atikya cries.

“You don’t believe me?” Lumina asks.

“I didn’t say that,” he huffs.

“She’s a monster Mando,” Atikya says.“Obviously this is Torek, he’s trying to fuck with you. He took my face.” She reaches back, taking his hand in her own.

And the world stands still. No flutters deep in his heart, no flickers of light across the walls. If anything it’s a boring stagnation of credits. No outside force tormenting him with what ifs and annoyance.

Nothing at all, except for one thing.

“What?” He turns to her, head tilted.

“I’m the monster?” Lumina whispers. “Do you think I’m a monster?”

Mando steps back from the two of them, his hands falling to his side. He looks between the girls, brows furrowed. He tries to study their eyes in the seconds between his words. He catches contact to Atikya, and she tilts her head questioningly. She was missing something. The spark of secrecy and depth he saw on Tatooine. Her offhanded disappointment in everything. Even the flicker of rage that sparked when she was upset.

It was like there was nothing behind them.

No thoughts, no feelings, no hidden kindness she would never admit to.

“No, never,” he answers Lumina.

“Excuse you?” Atikya frowns. “You’re fucking with me right?”

“Calm down,” Mando warns, gun to her face.

“I am calm. You’re the one being an idiot with a gun in my face!”

“C’mere,” he says to Lumina, motioning to her. He leans down to her, eyes level to each other. She tugs down the collar of her shirt, silver beaded necklace placed across her neck. The one from the vendor’s stall, stolen on Taris.

“Mando,” Atikya says. “What are you—“ Blasters fire before she can finish. The Mandalorian stands, fresh smoke waving from his blaster. The girl collapses on the ground, ending with a bullet between the eyes. The body’s form changes, brown skin turning a scaly green, face morphing reptilian.

“You should have listened when I said to leave,” Lumina says.

He hums, staring down at her. “I’ve done the leaving thing before. I won’t do it again.” He takes a pause. “Lumina?”

She nods. “Lumina,” she repeats. “Well, I’m glad you came to your senses.”

“Right. We’re talking about this later.”

“Of course we are,” she sighs, lifting her gun from the ground.

“Dammit!” Neri shouts, hitting the wall. “You ruined it!”

“I think you’re done here Neri,” Lumina pouts, stalking towards him.

“Not so fast,” Neri chuckles nervously. “I’m still all you have. It was just a little game pet. Lighten up.”

“You know, I think I’ll survive without you,” she says.

“Ayy’Numa,” he says. “Don’t do anything you’ll regret. You used to be so good to me, remember? You’re mine. We’re the same deep down, you know that.”

She leans forward, wicked smile across her lips. “I’m done being you,” she whispers. “Mandalorian?” She asks, looking back. “Will you wait outside? I have a promise I need to keep.”

He nods, squeezing her side. “Take your time.”

The last thing Mando hears when the doors shut are Neri’s blood curdling screams, and he prays she gives him hell.

CHAPTER SEVEN: PRETTY

[scarlet--wiccan]

You can ignore this if you don’t have any thoughts but what your ideal new young avengers run look like? Who would be on the team, what would you even call it now that they’re all adults (except Cassie I guess?)

One of my favorite things about Young Avengers, which I think is often underplayed to the detriment of the characters, is that the team is routinely forced to operate outside of the law and against the wishes of their elders. In the core YA books, the kids are more often working in opposition to the Avengers rather than in cooperation. These are characters whose methods and motives are not usually aligned with those of the established superhero organizations, which is also reflected in many of their appearances beyond YA-- Strikeforce and Empyre are great examples, as are Cassie's adventures in Astonishing Ant-Man. This rebel element is often at odds with the fact that many of the characters admire the Avengers, or have close personal relationships with individual Avengers members. The dissonance becomes especially strong when Billy and Teddy, who have the most reason to distrust and resent them following Children's Crusade, are consistently characterized as Avengers fanboys.

That's not to say that I think the Young Avengers should, like, hate the old Avengers, but I do think that this tension is a key part of the series. The 2005 run was about a group of kids who stepped up, at a very young age, to do a job that wasn't getting done because the previous generation had failed, only to get shot down by the people who had failed them in the first place. It's about a group of kids grappling with complex and painful family histories, and, in many ways, they're foils to the Runaways, which is why I don't really like it when they play junior Avengers or emulate the traditional superhero team structure-- WCA was really fun, but I'm not going to pitch a second volume, you know? I much prefer them operating as an ad hoc group, mainly because they each come from different backgrounds, have different goals, and work in different fields. They're not people who work together because they're part of an organization, they're people who show up for each other because they're friends and they care about one another. That is, in my mind, a more effective approach to a team book with such disparate characters than what the typical Avengers title tries to do.

So, anyways, that's what I think makes Young Avengers special and it's why I think the book still has a place in the Marvel world. Pitching actual story ideas is hard now because Teddy and Billy are, apparently, living off-world and very busy being royalty. In my previous post, I outlined an older idea for a BillyTeddy ongoing series that could have easily functioned as a third volume of Young Avengers, but would require some editing to work in a post-Empyre world. The idea was for Billy and Teddy's apartment in New York to act as a base of operations for a revolving cast of their friends, who come and go over the course of various story arcs. The two of them are presumably living full-time in space now, but it's also been established that they're magically anchored to each other in a way that makes it easy for Billy to warp between New York and the throneship-- anywhere Teddy goes, Billy can instantly follow, and vice-versa, which means that the series could still use Earth as a main setting without pulling the royal couple out of their other storyline.

I'd love a Young Avengers/Runaways crossover set in space-- their previous crossovers mostly have to do with alien drama, after all, and I've been itching to get Xavin back on page. I'm very serious when I say that I want Xavin, Teddy and Noh to be best friends, and I think they'd be fun leads for a miniseries, or even the opening arc of a limited run that eventually folds in the other YA and Runaways characters. I'm imagining an extended version of the interstellar road trip from YA (2013). Maybe Teddy will recruit his two closest alien friends to go on a sensitive diplomatic mission where he can only bring a small party, but it turns out to be some kind of trap and they end up stranded somewhere and have to, like fight their way out of hostile territory and make their way back to the Alliance with no ship. Billy can reach Teddy, obviously, but he can't just warp the whole party home because the distance is too great or they're in an alternate dimension or something, so he rounds up a rescue party and Karolina insists on coming along because, I don't know, the Light Brigade is mixed up in this and she feels like it's her responsibility to help Xavin even though they haven't seen each other in years. Nico obviously comes along with her, and can help Billy with tracking spells.

I'd also like to see a YA book led by the series' most under-served characters-- Tommy, Eli, and Cassie. Building off of Cassie's capers in Ant-Man, I'd be very into a heist or espionage story about the three of them, probably joined by Kate because she'd add a lot of cohesion to the cast and is so well suited to this type of adventure. Maybe they're undercover, and they have to, like, fake-fight some of the other Young Avengers, but they all join forces once the misunderstanding is cleared up. I'm picturing a cold open where the whole first issue is made up of, like, security camera footage of three masked figures breaking into a high-tech vault at AIM or Roxxon, and they steal a bunch of weaponry and fight their way out through a bunch of goons, but then it's revealed that the whole thing was a distraction to cover up a fourth intruder who moves too fast for the cameras to track. At the end of the issue, it's revealed to the reader that the intruders are the Young Avengers, and the real prize was a computer holding the last backup of Jonas's AI. The rest of the first arc is about them trying to rebuild Jonas with help from Vee, but they have to keep it a secret from the Avengers because they're planning an even bigger heist against, like Kate's dad, and they need to keep the whole operation under wraps because he's got eyes and ears all over.

I'm not particularly eager for another fantasy story after CC and YA(2013), but I'd be into a cosmic-fantasy arc about America solving some sort of inter-dimensional crisis or chasing a villain across worlds with Tommy and Billy's help. I really want more development between America and Billy, but I also think that she'd be really funny friends with Tommy and I want to see more of him playing off of magic characters. Maybe Leah (the one from Earth-15513 that's living on Earth-616 now) receives a mysterious message from Loki and asks the Young Avengers to help her track them down. America and Billy volunteer and Tommy tags along. Along the way they end up discovering some sort of evil curse or spell and go on a quest through various dimensions in order to break it. In the end it turns out the whole thing was set up by Loki to manipulate them into defeating an evil alternate-universe Loki-- maybe the one from Leah's native dimension-- because Evil Loki had used an enchantment that made it impossible for 616-Loki to harm them, which includes allies who are knowingly fighting on Loki's behalf. Better yet, it's a proxy war, and Evil Loki has recruited pawns of their own-- including Sylvie and Lisa from the Young Masters! 616-Loki does come clean when the dust is settled and finally reconnects with the Young Avengers. Loki is glad that Leah found a way to escape her destiny, but they admit that they don't feel they've succeeded in breaking out of their own cycle, to which America and Billy are like "we've seen how far you've come, but you need to remember that people care about you and stop bailing on us when we actually want to talk it out with you," which Tommy backs up because, like, he's been that person. Friendship! Character arcs that don’t fizzle out when a book wraps in under twenty issue!

Anyways, if we got a third Young Avengers volume, I'd prefer a limited run with a cohesive story, but all of the ideas I just outlined would probably work better as smaller arcs in an ongoing series. I have a lot of ideas about tying up loose threads and continuing arcs that are already in motion, but I'm hesitant to plot out what the next big step in these characters' lives should be. I definitely think it's time to give Tommy and Cassie another shot at the spotlight, and I want Eli to come back with a new costume and codename.

At this phase, it's just really hard for me to land on any larger, deeper stories because I'm so unsure of what the next few years will look like for Billy and Teddy. There's also an America title that's been in production limbo since the pandemic started, and I feel like there's some kind of drama on the horizon between the Maximoffs and Krakoa which would theoretically impact the twins as well. I also anticipate editorial pushing for Kate in a Hawkeye book when the tv show comes out.

[furymint]

All Prompts

#02: Sway

#03: Muster

#06: Bonus

#08: Clamor

#09: Lush

#12:  Tooth & Nail

#15: Ache

#16: Lucubration

#20: Bonus

#22: Argy-Bargy

#24: Beam

Header  | Reflection of some of my favorite peers’ prompts under the cut!

@aethernoise​ -- #11: Ultracrepidarian

tired curses!!!! i also really love this contrast in their work..... its rly cute. alyx just saved the world and aymeric is hating the dictionary. i like how rough his narration is and then alyx calls and everything speeds up, and i especially love him staring into the empty room. it put another contrast between their circumstances, but its also rly damn accurate abt how it feels to share a moment over the phone w someone. it made me smile a lot

@ahlis-xiv​ -- #23: Shuffle

this one made me laugh ksjdf ahlis’ distaste for the saucer despite being drawn to it is hysterical, but it also mirrors a lot of her character flaws: avoiding vulnerability, placing stoicism before genuineness, planting her frustration on external things instead of herself. even confronting her own feelings draws some curses out of her, and i love that display of her personality.

@autochthonousone -- #09: Nonagenarian

i love me some reflection and mentorship. also im obsessed with “let ‘lone this ‘n”.........dialect is such a hit or miss thing when writing or reading, but god youve got it and i love that line so much. barry’s relationship w stalwart is even better tho, and i cant repeat enough how much i love their dynamic of fair/stern/wise and distant/brutish/actually-paying-complete attention.

@brave-horizon -- #12: Tooth & Nail

talk abt using the setting..............i rly struggle w incorporating setting so this was a little mind-blowing to me. we got a really cool action scene plus established an entire town and conflict all at once?? battle scenes are hard. but ur vocab is so precise and stuff like “seized midstride” and “spilling its pilot” are rly inspiring me rn!! wind magic is smth ive brainstormed in the past but u have such good ideas w it and im so pumped just rereading it. its so good

@erstwhile25 -- #05: Matter of Fact

oh my god. some kind of dialogue god comes down and hands kail all his words, or else he’s just the dialogue god himself. im leaning towards the latter. i wish to god i could say “very small dogs with the barest streaks of sanity” in daily life, and honestly i might start to. the crew of the rook are always a joy to see + the development of their conversation takes such a meaningful turn that it really sticks after the laughs

@endangered-liaison​ -- #05: Matter of Fact 

sorry not sorry jaejh is cool!!!! he’s super nasty and terrible and interesting and i loved his voice, but i esp love how well he pushed the conflict and just Ruined Everything. i rly live how his influence bleeds into the others through their fear. The kids go from hoping or expecting to smth better, to not even debating that he’s lying bc it will just turn out worse. the berry stains as a gun on the wall never struck me either, and i was SHOOK

@high-and-away -- #10: Avail

honestly this was the hardest one to pic a fav for. i rly loved so many of these bc they check a lot of boxes for my Brand. this one sits the longest with active conflict + does a fantastic job staying clear despite all the trails it picks up w max’s foil n comradeship, the chocobo’s higher level of pity over people, the chaotic pack of Resistance members, and the highlander that vicky reasons over n kills. i love that word “limning” now; ur vocab always finds ways to surprise me w the way u use them (esp in describing settings)

@holyja -- #03: Muster

usually when i think of lizzy writing, i think of how perfect ur verbs are, but this time i really liked the visuals and tone. hyana pushing food around her plate and sitting on the rooftops had such a lonely feel to them, but at the same time were rly enjoyable and clear imgs despite not having to be described forever. serella’s dialogue was perfectly on-the-nose, too. usually i rly linger on what is given too much detail, but this rly showed me how nice it is to air things out n leave the thought monologue unsaid.

@karoiseka --  #24: Beam

hell yeah memory lane time. i loved seeing CT from karo’s pov and seeing where her priorities lay or moved. i also liked the life u gave to the little parts left untouched by the narrative, like walking through CT and the heartbeat in the soul vessel. idk what could be more satisfying that a reunion either, so following karo into the ocular was some Good Shit

@mythrilreflections -- #15: Ache

does this get bonus points just for being in o’ghomoro? yes. i love how the tunnels are characterized by the senseless kobolds in them. the added pressure from their reasonings for being in this hellhole is even better, and i love the sigils concept. jace’s narration is so cold, too, which makes both the kobold’s ferocity and the team’s desperation more poignant: he doesn’t sound the type to exaggerate.

@norhimorovine -- #14: Part

this one just screams fairy tale to me. the others do too, but the repetition of events rly knocks this one up the flagpole of ‘belongs in some mid 19th century kids story collection.’ i LOVE the sisters’ banter, and how the younger daughter gets incorporated a bit further for her attention. having the soldier take little pieces of each environment to prove they were real made them a lot more real to me, too.

@snowbird-down -- #03 Muster

if u think im NOT gonna lose my mind shrieking over stream of consciousness as one of the #1 ways of writing trauma, u have not been around me for very long. the varying sentence length is rly successful here, and i esp love the part where people are rushing into the ship and she has to stab a dude to keep him from coming aboard. it’s such a back and forth determining who is humanity and who is the faceless antagonist for a minute, n ofc i love that.

@stars-bleed-hearts-shine​ -- #28 -- Irenic

i was p surprised that my fav of urs came so late, but i feel like this piece has a lot of what your really good at, and which i admire a lot: you aren’t afraid of emotional dialogue or arguments based in more than factual debate, and you capitalize on casual thoughts that reveal a lot more than they do at face value. i esp like that you rly make the most of two characters that overlap in values and personality so often--they acknowledge that overlap and work together with what they share.

@yunkinko​ -- #05 Matter of Fact

im gonna forget abt that little rat line bc the last line is a kick in the teeth. i always admire ur ability to expand tiny details into lasting events. x’arhll’s musings also cut so different from the rest of the scene, separating her from the others and mhifa even further from her, so i love that contrast. the “arc of water” stayed with me for a while too.

[ronanvespertine]

Hi! So one thing which I noticed between the Bird bros dynamic is how despite being the older, Hawks...feels more like the mess. Tokoyami just seems so grounded at times, like he knows who he is and his limitations, considers the consequences, while Hawks is the reckless one. I don't know why, but I really like this thought. What are your thoughts?

I have similar thoughts! It's part of the reason why I prefer looking at them through a sibling dynamic instead of a parenting dynamic, hehe. Siblings know all the shitty stuff about each other, and usually aren't afraid to rip into each other about their flaws. XD Whereas with parents, there are different levels of power/dependence/responsibility, so someone's shortcomings may be harder to address and take a heavier toll.

I like putting them on semi-equal grounds cause bringing Hawks down to Tokoyami's level may really help him step back and figure shit out. I've always thought of Tokoyami being Hawks' rock in their dynamic, actually, despite him being younger. It's because of his youth that Tokoyami is able to reign Hawks in a little. Because as a kid, Tokoyami's still unaware about some parts of the world, and Hawks has to actively keep track of that fact. And that might make Hawks reflect on himself, comparing himself to Tokoyami's unburdened perspective of things to pull away all the stuff Hawks is overthinking or unnecessarily worrying about.

You know how little kids sometimes have really good wisdom because they're kids? Here's some examples!

Out-of-the-box thinking, in a sense.

So yeah, that's kind of the vibe I hope to get from Tokoyami and Hawks' relationship. Hawks being this mess cause of all the cruddy stuff he's been a part of, becoming disillusioned from the heroic ideal, taking on too much responsibility and excessively worrying. And Tokoyami, this kid out of the loop who's still got an untarnished view of the world for the most part, helping Hawks go back to the basics with his "ignorance".

There's another side I've got to the whole "Hawks is a mess while Tokoyami's more composed" stuff aside from Tokoyami's younger age. A while back, I made some headcanons about Tokoyami & Dark Shadow. There's this idea that Tokoyami grew up fighting to control Dark Shadow, since he's such a volatile quirk. Their trouble with each other growing up is what humbles Tokoyami, because he had to learn to understand things from the perspective of a "monster" and that stuff sometimes doesn't matter in the grander scheme of things.

So that experience growing up is what builds Tokoyami's maturity--he already went through the battle of figuring out where he stood in the world. (I'm trying to expand on the whole Tokoyami & Dark Shadow foil thing in the character study I'm working on. Hopefully the fic will be able to express my ideas better.😅) That's a battle that usually happens in like your 20s/30s. Kinda like a mid-life crisis, you know? Where you finally realize how insignificant you are and struggle to find your purpose/worth in the world. 🤣🤣🤣

Hawks is probably gonna go through this crisis soon. Or something similar. He might think about how his undercover work wasn't enough to save Twice, stop the destruction of a city, or save all those heroes from dying. He might question his own heroism--whether him shedding blood can really be called heroism--especially since Tokoyami learned about Hawks killing Twice.

^ That's how I interpreted these panels. Hawks' heroism finally coming to full light. This moment will mark the beginning of whatever changes happen in their dynamic. Because of the clash of worldviews. Cause here, Hawks is probably asking himself this question:

What does his heroism look like to a child?

I've tried incorporating these thoughts into a lot of my bird bro fics. But there's just so many ideas I want to explore! I'm gonna need a lot more fics to fully expand on these ideas, haha!

Faith Makes for a Speedy Recovery

Stormy Skies and Furious Wingbeats

Hawks: The Imposter Who Calls Himself a Hero

I hope I can write more stories that build off these ideas, and I really hope the manga itself explores their relationship in similar ways.

Anyway, I rambled too long. 😁😅 I love talking about their dynamic! Especially since we've seen so little of it in the manga. Thanks for dropping by to give me your thoughts, and asking about mine! 🥰

(Man, that Tokoyami character study needs to be made, like, ASAP, I swear--)

[but-master]

Hello it's au time: Toa Camelot but Camlann happened already

Lancelot lost his arm in the fight with Arthur

Mordred and Arthur still mortally wound each other

Mordred died

Arthur survived

Guinevere survived

This goes two ways

1. They work out their issues together

2. Lance and Guin blame magic

Ending 1 is more happy, and shows a positive end for that conflict

Ending 2 is more angsty, and personally, more compelling

Arthur begins to hate magic here

He absolves Lance and Guin of their actions

However

His trust has been broken, either way

He grows distant from Lance

He grows distant from Guin

Prompting her to seek out Morgana more and more

Prompting her death

He overstates his love and devotion to her now, as a symptom of his grief

And guilt because she is dead

This is also why he throws himself so much into the war on magic

If he blames magic he absolves himself

Anyway circling back real quick to the actual battle

Arthur is still taken to Avalon

They have to use the heart of Avalon to save him

In this case it is still in Avalon the place

However

After Guin dies, Arthur begs them to use the HoA to revive her

It doesn't work like that, they say

Magic is strong but he was healed because he was still alive

She is dead and has probably been for a bit by the time he gets her to Avalon

This is why he obtains the HoA himself

He leaves Avalon in ruin

This is how Merlin has it now

And is why he is using it in the show, in Camelot

(tbh I feel like that part could fit regular canon)

(the HoA was stolen from Avalon due to Arthur's war on magic seems like a logical leap ngl)

These are sort of assorted ideas for this au so I'll add more as they come!

Mordred is the kid of Arthur but I've got a few different mothers for him because toa is, like... a kid's show

The prevailing one is that Guin wasn't the only cheater

And that Arthur had a fling with a fae

The other one is that Morgause... isn't Arthur's half-sister

In this au, Mordred did still steal Clarent

Arthur does still kill Mordred with a spear after he is disarmed of Excalibur

These are minor details but I like them

Since I have Mordred as a fae kid, I don't have him as necessarily magical, but he has a touch of it in his blood

When he steals Clarent, the holy blade is corrupted, and it's steel goes from bright and pretty to black and rusted

It's still sharp, though-- one would say, wicked sharp

(lol get it?)

In both endings, Arthur feels intense guilt for Lance's arm

Lance reassures him often that the prosthetic is an advantage

He has less chance of being wounded now!

(which is a whole... Thing in and of itself)

(ask me about how bloodshed was seen in the knights of the round table ask me about how bloodshed was seen in the knights of the round table)

(and specifically how it would apply to Lance having an unwoundable arm)

(warning, it'll be a scattered ramble essay with article sources but listen... I have Many Thoughts about this)

Arthur grants Lancelot more land and a higher noble status out of guilt which

Is also a Thing

Lancelot Reflects Guiltily On This Too (tm)

Character Development from Lancelot's Sad Boi Hours (tm)

I can't have Galahad as Lancelot's son in toa but Lancelot Can Still Compare Himself To Galahad

They can still be foils

No one can stop me

This au will live rent free in my head forever I think oh boy

[moonexile]

thinking about how luther and vanya are foils of each other and about how luther was such a big advocate for vanya this season, from the very beginning  ( while of course he was cautious before he knew where she was at after everything - ---  but how could he not be?  watching someone blow up the moon is uh? terrifying?  )  

but really from the very first conversation he had with her,  he was so open and trying to protect her mental state.  yes he showed up with a gun but he literally had no idea what he was getting himself into;  it had been a year and he was convinced his entire family was dead,  it’s reasonable for him to be scared and cautious,  but he had no intent of hurting her.  he’s been haunted for a year by what happened,  both of his homes blowing up,  his siblings almost dying,  her losing herself before he ever got the chance to truly know her  ----  but he was considering how she felt. 

he told her that if she was just hiding away from everyone,  then she was allowed to do that,  and he would respect her and stay away,  because he believed that she deserved that.  she clearly looked happy on the farm and that’s all he wanted for her.  he saw last season that she wasn’t happy with them,  and he wants her to be part of this family,  but if she found a new one that’s better for her,  that’s where she should be. of course he wanted her back in his life but when he’s standing there talking to her in the farm,  not understanding that she doesn’t have her memories,  all he can think about is,  “she’s happy here,  she’s happy without us,  and that’s because she’s not with us  --- so why should i take her away from that?”  she has every reason to be mad at all of them,  but luther takes a lot of the responsibility for that,  he harbors a lot of guilt for what happened to her because he believes he is the cause  ---  and everyone in this fandom seems to think he was too but he is not the only one who got her to that point. 

diego says that vanya is the bomb and she will always be the bomb.  always.

but there are so many people who get her to that point.  and even still,  as luther gets to know who she is now,  he puts the responsibility on his shoulders.  “-- since the last time i destroyed the world by overestimating my own importance.”  he believes he’s the fuse and he takes her out of it when talking about it to someone else,  the more and more he begins to understand what he did and what role he played in it,  even though we know now that vanya will always be the bomb no matter who/what the fuse is.  

“you [caused the apocalypse]. but not alone. i was part of it. we all were.”

five and luther have different ways of explaining this to her and both had the same intentions of protecting her,  both of them were trying to care for her as they did it,  but both of them were in different situations with her.  it’s so caring and gentle that five doesn’t tell her she’s the cause of it and in that moment,  he is valid for doing so.  but it’s also so caring that luther tells her the truth as gently as he can,  because at that point,  vanya knows that five lied to her to protect her and she is desperate for the truth.  when she approaches luther about it,  at that point,  she needs the truth,  and not giving it to her wouldn’t be fair.  when she approaches five about it,  not giving her the truth was fair at the time,  because she was just learning everything for the first time.  they were both valid.   but i think it’s important that luther is the one who does tell her the full truth,  because he wants to take responsibility for it too  ---  he wants her to understand that she is not the sole cause,  and to him,  he feels like he played the biggest part in that explosion. 

 “i let you down.  i did horrible things, things i’m not proud of when i could’ve just tried to help you. i thought it was my job to keep everyone safe,  but i just made it all worse.  i never wanted to be the bad guy.” 

it was the worst way he could have done it,  he knows it now,  but when he locked her up in season 1,  he thought that was the only way to protect his siblings and her.  he’s number 1, he’s supposed to be the one people count on,  but that doesn’t mean he’s got all the answers.  he messes up all the time but his intentions are always in the same place  ---  he wants to protect people.  he just never knows how to do it properly.   and i think the fact that he isolated her to figure out how to deal with it is so reflective of his own experience  ---  reginald isolated luther when he didn’t know what to do with him either.   and luther was so twisted in reginald’s web not at all recognizing that he was being abused by reginald all his life,  just now starting to see it,  and it’s just so interesting that he ends up doing something so similar  ---  because for a long time,  he thought that was the right thing to do because reginald made him believe it was.  and that year after this,  it’s all he can think about  --- how he did to her what reginald did to him,  what he was so destroyed about himself.  he hates that he played that role.

so he has this restart with vanya  ---  and it continues on through the whole season.  he tries to validate her every chance he gets.  he sticks up for her when he can,  when he sees that she needs it.

he tells her it’s okay to stay away from them,  if that’s what she wants / needs.  he tells diego off for being upset with her.  he scolds klaus for saying it’s always her  (  because he knows they all played their own part.  )  and at dinner with reginald,  it’s such a small thing,  but when she suggests that they pass around the shell,  he tells her it’s a good idea,  he tells diego that he needs to have the shell to speak -- not because it’s important to him, but he knows it’s important to vanya,  he knows how badly she wants to play a role in this family and if this is her idea,  then he wants to encourage it.  and when reginald asks about her powers,  and none of them realize what she’s capable of now,  they’re all scared of her  ---  and he holds her hand.  he tells her it’s okay,  that she doesn’t have to show anyone anything.  but when she does,  he tells her it’s impressive.  he is so proud of her.  

he has always been impressed with her powers,  but he was introduced to them in such a horrible way.  his sister was almost violently murdered,  pogo was violently murdered,  leonard was violently murdered  (  obviously he doesn’t care about him,  but that sight?  it’s not something you forget about,  especially for a man so against killing.  )   when it’s someone who has only ever wanted to use his powers to HELP people,  not hurt,    of course he was scared and worried in the beginning,  but now he’s had all this time to process it.  he’s seen her use her powers for something not so destructive,  and he can see that it’s impressive and that she belonged with the rest of them all along.

he is one of her biggest advocates this season and it started in a place of fear from her,  but he clearly respected her so much.  and he cares about her.  and he wants to help her because he sees that he should have been the one rooting for her all his life,  and he’s mad that he didn’t get that chance.  but even in the flashback,  we see that he didn’t invalidate the way she felt.  when she tells everyone at ben’s funeral that it’s not their fault,  and diego tells her she can’t possibly know that,  luther is quick to tell him off for it  ---  meaning that he did still see her as part of their family,  despite how we know they all pushed her aside in some way  (  and he did too,  of course,  but i think this moment is very important in understanding that even though it was his duty to reflect reginald’s lead,  he never fully left her out,  he encouraged her being part of this family too. ) 

luther and vanya are foils of each other.  they were both so isolated as children but in very opposite ways  --- one who is ordinary and one who is supposed to be the best.  being the one that close to reginald,  the one who was gaslit to the point of genuinely believing this is all they are ever supposed to be,  who had such a twisted perspective of everything because of it,  he suffered from his abuse too  ---  to the point where he never,  until he was 30 years old,  believed that there was more he could be / more he could do / more than his powers + his duty to save the world.  he didn’t think he was allowed to have a normal life.  he didn’t stay back while the others left because he thought he was better than them;  he stayed back because he thought it was his responsibility,  because reginald engrained that in his head since he was a kid.  and that’s why he feels abandoned by all of them  ---  because shouldn’t they think that too? 

all the siblings have formed their own opinions about reginald and they all recognized the abuse they dealt with - ---  but a lot of luther and vanya’s abuse didn’t come out until after his funeral.  it is so recent and it is so NEW for them to discover.  luther finds out that he was sent to the moon for nothing; five years he was isolated,  five years he spent every moment just analyzing the moon because that’s why he was sent there,  it was his duty,  and he was spending all this time trying to impress reginald + make him proud,  and do something that would literally save the whole world,  only to find out that reginald only sent him there because he didn’t know what to do with him  (  and this fandom still thinks this is a joke??? )  imagine spending 5 years of your life dedicated to a cause that doesn’t exist.  and then we find out that reginald was just trying to keep him busy so that he would be there for the team when they all needed to reunite,  meaning that he was scared that luther would discover he could have a life outside of that house,  so he had to do everything to stop him from thinking for himself.  he literally did not allow luther to form his own thoughts.  he put things in place so that luther would continue to be his puppet.  it is such a parallel to allison rumoring vanya that she is ordinary + keeping her on meds.  reginald forces both of them into theses thoughts, in some way  --  because he’s forcing vanya feel ordinary,  and he’s forcing luther to feel purposeful.  and to get what he wants,  that’s what he needs from them both. 

reginald’s abuse is what leads luther and vanya to the position they get into at the end of season 1.  they both do what they do in response to their trauma,  and how they’re just learning about it for the first times in their lives.  luther is trying to prove that he is a good leader,  so he does something destructive.  vanya is trying to prove she is not ordinary,  so she does something destructive.  it’s not the same thing but the reasoning / way they get there is.  

they are both on very opposite sides of reginald’s abuse,  and it’s very important to see them start to understand that.  reginald’s abuse of vanya is very obvious and very clear to the siblings once they learn about it.  luther’s abuse is less obvious because he was gaslit into following his lead so loyally,  so his siblings saw him content with what was happening and believed that he just genuinely liked their father.  but all through season 1,  we see diego try to spell it out to luther to get him to understand that what their father did to them,  especially to luther,  wasn’t right.  we see klaus immediately respond to reginald by coming to luther’s defense and telling him that what he did to luther was wrong.  they all start to recognize how luther was abused and they try to show luther that too.   neither vanya or luther understood what reginald was really doing to them until the end.  it’s so important that they both are the ones to really set off the apocalypse  (  despite their entire family playing their own role.  )  

still,  i don’t believe luther is the fuse in the first apocalypse because the commission’s order to “protect harold jenkins” tells us everything we need to know  (  and even then, that goes back to everything he learned from reginald,  who is the real fuse  ),  but luther will always feel like he was the fuse anyway,  he will always take responsibility for it even though it was reginald’s abuse that led him there.  he takes responsibility and he works really fucking hard to make sure he is never vanya’s fuse again,  and more than that,  to try to make sure she never has one again.

[codenamesazanka]

What are your feelings on Shigaraki getting a redemption? From your post comparing Gaara and Shiggy, I got the feeling you didn't care for Gaara becoming a good guy. Personally I would love for Shiggy to have a redemption arc!

Nah, I actually absolutely loved Gaara’s redemption arc!

tl;dr: Gaara’s redemption was done super well in my opinion. & I have no opinion on redemption for Shigaraki’s character, I’m waiting to see what happens! I wouldn’t mind it, should a few conditions be fulfilled. But I also don’t mind him not being redeemed. (Does he deserve to be? Sure.)

(Super, super long post because I love Gaara and I wasn’t smart enough to write meta about him when I was in the Naruto fandom so this is my 14-year-old self breaking out to do what was never but should’ve been done.)

I loved him being a homicidal 12-year-old, and I also I loved him having turned into the 15-year-old ninja leader who re-discovered love and bonded with his siblings (the sand sibs!!! I love them).

I love this brat and his post-goth self

What I hated was this guy:

Who the fuck is this. Who the fuck. Who the f—

So here’s the thing about Gaara!

He was literally created to be a monster, manipulated by his father into being one, on top of having a literal demon inside of him that would break his mind and take over. One can see how it led to him being the murderous, unstable 12-year-old he was. Yet.

A lot of the bad guy stuff he did was also by his choice. His father wanted a weapon; Gaara became something worse, one that became too much to handle; gone horribly right. He killed for pleasure, he threatened his siblings, he almost crippled an important side character because he could, he released the demon on purpose, outside of orders.

Gaara was traumatized by his upbringing and influenced by how others judged him; but he also eventually arrived at his philosophy by himself. The influencing words for him were “love only yourself and fight only for yourself [because no one else will, monster]” and he took that to heart. Then he turned it into “I exist to kill all humans other than myself, so for long as there are people for me to kill, I will not cease to exist; I will feel alive.” Damn.

I totally get it. His own father tried to kill him, again and again. Sent assassins after him. There was no one he could trust, and the only comfort came from relying on the demon inside of him, and killing others to feel alive. But—

From the way he interacted with others, he knew what he did was wrong. Not the self defending himself from assassins; but things like killing people who surrendered or treating his siblings like shit. There were a lot of fanfic that blamed all his monstrous acts on the demon inside of him, or like an insanity defense; but I never thought so. He had moments of demon possession, but for the most part, he retained his self, he reasoned, he made choices. If I wrote meta back then, man…

It was why when Gaara turned good, it was solely on questioning himself and reframing his perspective, and not like, extracting the demon from him. He reflected on himself, he reconsidered everything he thought, he listened to another person’s philosophy, and here’s the most important part: he made the choice to change.

Because when faced with that moment, it wasn’t because he was arrested or told a secret that changed everything or it was revealed he was actually loved all along or freed from external manipulations. He could’ve gone back to his old ways. He was still in the same situation as before; the only thing that changed were the choices he could make despite everything. So, quite immediately, he apologized to his siblings.

And so began the long process of atonement. He went back and saved the guy he almost crippled, he opened his heart and reached out to his siblings, he decided to become ninja leader despite the poor, poor relations between him and the village (which yeah, started because they treated him as a monster, but then he started killing for pleasure…). He worked hard.

That was a redemption story I really liked. It’s true that Gaara had a terrible childhood and a good reason for turning out the way he did; but eventually, there came a point where he couldn’t blame his actions on that. He was understandable, but not forgivable - yet. There were choices made on purpose, connections rejected out of hatred, and blood on his hands. I think ‘redemption’ is all about coming to that choice on your own, owning up to that and working to correct those wrongs - even if it’s impossible, even if it’s never ending.

Gaara’s story is really much like Shigaraki’s. I wouldn’t be surprised if Horikoshi was influenced by the character! Prototype Sazanka had his name written out as: 沙惨禍. “Sand Calamity”. Hehe.

But yeah, Gaara started out as a creepy character that showed up antagonistic and began murdering people outside of what was allowed in ninja society. He showed no mercy, he told his siblings he never thought of them as family, he tried to kill an unconscious hospital patient. Pretty unsympathetic except for very, very subtle hints; until bam! Backstory. Yeah, it made you want something better for him!

It was a matter of how.

*

I have no opinion on redemption for Shigaraki’s character. I’m waiting to see what happens. I would like it!

If! Shigaraki reaches that conclusion by himself. Not him realizing he was so manipulated by AFO none of his own actions were actually his actions. Not him being ‘unbrainwashed’, if that even was a thing. Not a secret revealed to him that changes everything, wow, if only I knew this, I would not have become a terrorist… Not him getting captured and All Might begging the courts to be lenient on him and dragging him kicking and screaming to rehabilitation.

I really like Shigaraki! What made him fun was that he’s a willful brat. “Before we leave, let’s kill a kid!”. “This asshole stabbed me so I’m releasing bioweapons onto the city.” “I’m going to hold this boy hostage in broad daylight and discuss morality.” He delighted in destruction, he looked for ways to hurt people most. All his chosen actions.

Does he deserve to be ‘redeemed’/recover/be allowed to atone for his actions/given the chance to change? Sure!

It’s just, Shigaraki’s gotta make that decision on his own.

*

One thing about Gaara’s redemption is that, yeah, he was ‘saved’ by the main character, Naruto. Talk-no-Jutsu, I think that was called, the main character’s habit of changing someone’s life/morality/philosophy/sinful ways simply by telling them his feelings.

But it made sense. Naruto and Gaara were proper foils. Both have demons inside of them, both were shunned by the village, both struggle with feelings of loneliness and hatred and finding a reason to live. Sure, Gaara had it worse since he was targeted for assassination; but Naruto related Gaara’s pain at a basic level. And Gaara recognized it too.

They understood each other, that they were mirror versions of each other, that they very well could’ve ended up like the other, the difference between them that one had someone who cared about him, and one didn’t. Naruto showed Gaara a different way to live - but he didn’t force it. Naruto simply told Gaara he empathizes with him, but if Gaara tries to hurt his friends, he’ll kill him. It’s thanks to Naruto, but Gaara realized his path to redemption on his own.

So excuse my lost of control here, but what the fuck kind of foil is between Deku and Shigaraki??? Deku getting Shigaraki redeemed is, currently, laughable.

One is quirkless and got bullied (I maintain my position that these things are overemphasized and made worse than it was by the fandom), but had a loving home and grew up as a normal kid…

for Shigaraki, being at home made him anxious, then he gets a truly dangerous, frightening quirk, and then he’s raised to be a a weapon by Japan’s Number One Villain.

Why are there so many AU fics of Deku having a deadly quirk? Or made him be so relentlessly bullied? Or kidnapped by Villains and forced to work for them? Overall, fics that make his situation/backstory worse? It’s cuz he’s boring. All these stories is just taking Shigaraki’s past and giving it to Deku to make him more ‘badass’ and then have the audacity to write Shigaraki as a dumb tamper-tantrum-throwing manchild. Don’t get me wrong, I actually love reading these fics cuz I’m a sucker for AUs, but honestly.

Talk-no-jutsu isn’t gonna work here.

Still! Should Horikoshi go for redemption, I wouldn’t mind! I just need to see exactly how he handles it. If he screws it up, I will also never forgive him.

[luna-rainbow]

Recommended jdramas last decade

Given that the ratings list isn't exactly diverse and lots of interesting dramas didn't make the top cut, I thought I'd come up with a recommendation list. I remember back in the 2000s J-dramas were all the rage but now there seems to be much less interest in them outside of Japan, but that doesn't necessarily mean the quality is less! My preferred genres are more on the tense and action-packed side, and I rarely watched rom-coms or slice of life dramas until more recently. Nevertheless there are some very topical ones that are worth mentioning. Police procedurals 1) BOSS 1 & 2: another one of my perennial favourites. Set at the pace of American procedurals, equipped with snappy humour and quirky characters, it is the perfect amalgamation of funny, touching and gripping. 2) Strawberry Night: the original series with the gorgeous Takeuchi Ryoko and Nishijima Hidetoshi is leagues above the remake. It's much darker than BOSS but perhaps more resonant because of it. 3) Kinkyuu Torishirabeshitsu seasons 1-3: similar to BOSS, this cast consists of veteran supporting actors who play off well against each other. The cases range from satisfying to acutely dissatisfying, just as in real life. 4) Keiji 7-nin: similar to KinTori, the cast consists of some solid veteran actors, and the cases range from triumphant to depressing. There are some interesteing back stories to the characters, but it's not as well developed as you might hope. 5) Zettai Reido season 3: I tried to go back and rewatch the first 2 seasons, but it's a completely different story. Consisting of mostly a young green cast, somehow the actors have fit the roles so well that it doesn't irk. The cases mostly end on a note of despair and helplessness, as the system rolls over and quashes anyone in its way. 6) CRISIS: for the longest time I confused this with BG as the set-up of the characters are quite similar. It's very well-made, but again the characters function in a morally grey territory and is an interesting digression from the usual straight procedural. Crime solvers 1) 99.9 seasons 1 & 2: quirky and humorous, but also full of heart, and with Kagawa playing the straight foil to MatsuJun's insolent lawyer, it is almost perfect except for the lack of insipration in its cases. 2) Unnatural: I still consider this to have one of the best developed back-stories and characterisations of any crime-solver or police procedural. The script is by Noki Akiko, and it has a sensitivity to it that is not often seen in this cerebral genre. 3) Galileo seasons 1 & 2: released back in the day when Fukuyama Masaharu was still hugely popular, this was long enough ago that I don't actually remember what I liked about it, except that I do like and recommend it. 4) Kagi no kakatta heya: out of Arashi, I've never thought of Ohno as the best actor but when the role fits him, it fits like a glove. Based on a manga, it has the occasional unrealistic plot holes that comes with this genre, but overall it's well-produced, funny and the 3 main characters play off each other to hilarious effect. Medical dramas 1) Code Blue 1 & 2 - Hayashi Koji has a remarkable grasp on the mentality of young doctors. The first two seasons of Code Blue are on my perennial recommend list 2) Black Pean - I hesitated about whether to put this down, but there's actually very few medical dramas I recommend even though I watch a lot of them. I did enjoy Black Pean for its production quality and the dedication of the actors, but the script is an absolute let-down. 3) DOCTORS seasons 1-3 - this subversive drama straddles medical and comedy, and Sawamura's character slowly turned from a straight, obliviously helpful do-gooder, to an outright calculating manipulator but with the best of intentions. It is a fascinating premise for a main character and I'd recommend it purely for that. Rom-coms 1) Nigeru wa haji daga yaku ni tatsu - I really shouldn't put something I couldn't keep watching as the top, but apart from the fact I couldn't stand the 2 main actors, the story was an interesting philosophical exploration of what a live-in relationship means in practical terms. 2) Hotaru no Hikari 2 - again this was so long ago I couldn't remember much of it, except it was nice and sweet, although I think the first season was better contained. 3) Watashi ga ren'ai dekinai riyuu - I'm not quite sure this qualifies as rom-com as the characters didn't all get their happily ever after (which is actually quite rare in Japanese dramas). The story revolves around three women, each progressive yet conformative in their own ways, and how they dealt with the social expectations of courtship. A nice watch and probably a realistic window into how romance works in Japan. Underdog victories 1) Doctor X series 1-6 - Look, as much as I HATE this series as a medical drama wannabe, it is the defining story for the underdog against a conservative hierachical paternalistic world. It is full of impossible triumphs, no bad outcome ever happens and the main character never loses. 2) Shitamachi Rocket 1 & 2 - arguably the series that started the Ikeido Jun craze, it turned something boring and nerdy (rocket and machine engineering) into gripping rollercoaster drama. Well-acted and well-scripted, it made you cheer for the characters even as your real boring self acknowledge how ludicrous their victories are. 3) Grand Maison Tokyo - this is a story of redemption through the shared love of food, brought together by a team of great actors who clearly had great fondness of each other. There are some silly moments, but a lot of it was touching, sweet and highly rewarding, just like a beautiful meal. 4) No Side Game - I tossed up putting Riku-Ou in as well, but in the end I thought No Side Game was slightly better. Both based around sports (marathon and rugby, respectively), it's full of hot-blooded idealism about loyalty, teamwork and dedication, a shounen manga fairytale for adults. Slice of life 1) Gibo to musume no Blues - I'm really not a "slice of life" person, but this drama exceeded all expectations. It starts off odd and a little slow, but each episode will make you laugh and then cry a little about what it means to be family, all the silly moments, the frustrating moments and the tender moments that we share. 2) Ie-uru onna (season 1) - I'm not too sure this quite fits in "slice of life" or comedy, because the main character really is rather odd, but the first season had some beautifully reflective stories, again about what it means to be family and what home means to the different people in society. I don't know what happened in the 2nd season, but it's definitely lost that evocative touch. 3) Jimi ni sugoi! - maybe because the publishing industry interests me, but I thought this was a very cute series with some good inside tips about publishing, but also can be drawn to reflect on how people should view their vocation. Almost a rom-com, not quite a comedy, but a really nice light-hearted series with Ishihara Satomi at her most radiant. 4) Watashi, teiji de kaerimasu - this was a surprisingly sweet take on difficult problems that aren't necessarily unique to the Japanese workplace - the clash of generational values, the internal sense of inadequacies and the people who are deterimentally unable to say no. The main character, rather than being the focus of growth as often happens in these dramas, turn out to be the mediator as she uses her previous painful experiences of burnout to guide others through their own struggles. Suspense 1) 3-nen A-gumi: while prone to hyperbole and melodrama, this was a very nice fable of adulthood and the idea that once you are an adult, you must take responsibility for the consequences of your own actions, told through the microcosm that is Class 3A. Highly recommended. 2) BG: slick and well-produced, as many of KimuTaku's dramas are, it had action and suspense in good measures but unfortunately wasn't quite carried by the plot. Each individual case was interesting enough, but the main plot was rather convoluted and disappointing. 3) Ouroboros: almost similar to Toma's earlier Maou, it was cerebral, suspenseful and full of a sense of inevitable tragedy. The ending was more than it could chew, but it gave a good effort. 4) Kazoku Game: one of those rare dramas that really suited Sakurai Sho, where he was the intelligent and highly sociopathic and slightly psychotic home tutor for a highly dysfunctional family. A fascinating watch. Comedy I have to say this is a genre I struggle with. I'd happily watch slapstick and screaming in an anime, but live action is just awks. There's been some popular ones that I haven't watched but have heard good things about: - Tami-Ou: the sleazy prime minister accidentally swaps body with his extremely introverted son, and they both have to try and continue the facade. - Kyou kara ore wa: high school kids pretending they're better than they're really are, we've all been through that. This is not an exhaustive list by any means. There's a lot of well-reviewed dramas that I hadn't been able to catch, especially in the first half of the decade. There's a bunch of highly popular dramas that I hadn't been able to continue, but clearly they've got their appeal to the Japanese audience. I think in general Japanese dramas do human drama very well, especially the various relationships we have in our lives and how they interact. It's not great at doing the K-drama fairytale romance. I hope the list helps people try out some new things, or you could check out the top ratings list for other safe bets.

[k-renne]

A VERY MERRY CLYDE CHRISTMAS

SUMMARY: Clyde is alone on Christmas Eve, reminiscing about the love he lost and what could’ve been. How great it would’ve been, but maybe this year luck is on his side

WARNING: smut, enough clyde angst to make Dani yell

tags: @oh-adam, @dreamboatdriver, @thecurlycaptain, @thepilotanon, @cas-backwards-tie, @adamsnackdriver

It was Christmas Eve and the bar was empty, leaving Clyde alone to his thoughts. He should’ve listened to Earl and closed the bar, he had been wiping the same spot of counter for the last five minutes trying to keep himself busy. If he knew it would’ve been this slow he would’ve brought a book. But, it wasn’t like he had any other place to be. Jimmy was on some fancy date with Sylvia and Mellie out with her new boyfriend. Clyde, single as ever, was left to his bar. The question was, just how had he let it get to this point?

Sure, his heart was broken from a girl years ago-but that was his fault anyways and he should’ve gotten over that by now. Still, his heart could never really let go. It was one thing he knew about himself, just like the curse when he got an idea of something in his mind, Clyde couldn’t let it go. Just like you.

Being alone on Christmas Eve made a man think, especially about all his regrets. Clyde thought especially of you, the girl one day he thought he was gonna marry. God you were so beautiful, even just in high school he was starstruck by you. He was your best friend, and he was in love.

It didn’t help that last minute your date for senior prom ditched you for another girl, and that you didn’t go and hung out with Clyde instead. He remembers that night so vividly, taking the truck out with a blanket and some beers he smuggled, listening to the radio and looking up at the stars with you.

“Ya know Clyde, I think you’re the only boy I’ll ever need.” You tell him.

He couldn’t believe some of the words that came out of your mouth that night, thankful for the night sky to hide his blush. And, how speechless he was by you. How your words made him feel bold enough to grab your hand in his. He almost said I love you that night, in so many different moments. But he bit his tongue, and he regrets it. He still feels those words in his mouth, sometimes it makes each swallow hurt. Knowing you were still out there, never hearing how he truly felt about you.

It went even further than hand holding that night, when you told him you wanted to lose your virginity prom night and though at that point you still considered Clyde a friend, you told Clyde, “I’d rather lose it with my best friend, than a complete stranger.”

He would’ve been insane to say no to that, and though his first time was awkward and embarrassing, with you it was beautiful. The stars reflecting in your eyes, moon making your skin glow like an angel. Wrapping you up in the blankets he brought, your head laying right next to his on some pillows. It was all so...poetic, like the love stories he’d hide from Jimmy, that it still made Clyde teary eyed to this day.

Clyde blinked back tears and sniffled, frowning at the little wet circle that landed on the bar counter. Damn, he really was acting like a fool. Getting himself all worked up about a past love, one he knew that left Boone County and never turned back. You were probably married by now to some lucky bastard, enjoying Christmas Eve with your family while he was stuck bartending alone.

It really wasn’t what he had imagined for himself at this point. He was hoping to have a wife (that just so happened to be you) by this point, maybe a kid and a baby on the way. His own little family, but even just you would’ve made him happy enough. As painful as it would be, he missed his best friend. And if he only could call you that, it would be more than enough for Clyde Logan.

Clyde shook his head, trying to break himself out of his lonely thoughts. He decided to close the bar early tonight, go home and lose himself to a book or just go to bed early and sleep it off. Course, his plans were foiled when a car drove up. Just when he was about to turn off the lights to the sign. He sighed, hoping maybe it was just someone asking for directions.

He got back behind the counter, manning his post. He was watching the door, wondering if it’d be a stranger or a familiar face coming inside. He didn’t recognize the car.

“Excuse me, I’m looking for a Clyde Logan? I was told he works here.” You politely ask the bartender, dark locks falling over his face.

Clyde lifts his face up, surprised to hear your voice again. He can’t help but blush seeing you, all dolled up for some holiday dinner. If anything, you were even more beautiful now, looking so much more like a woman than the girl he once played in the sandbox with.

“Oh-you are Clyde,” You almost gasp, so surprised that the lanky teen you remembered was now a man. It was pretty obvious that you were checking out, but you couldn’t help but notice how much he had filled out, your eyes softening at the prosthetic...Jimmy had warned you about that. Still, he looked so good, with his scruff and long hair, shoulders broad and strong. It made you bite your lip, worse you could feel him looking at you too and it made you feel warm inside. A part of you was worried about what he’d think of how much you had changed, as he still had such a look of surprise on his face.

“I wasn’t...I wasn’t expectin’ ya, I never thought I’d see you again.” Clyde looked down, voice thick with emotion.

“Clyde Logan! Despite what happened last time I left, it does not erase my entire childhood spent with you. Ugh this is just what frustrates me about ya-you just never see…” You pause seeing the way Clyde is looking at you, bottom lip trembling and eyes watery. “Oh come here dammit, give me a hug.” You open your arms to him.

Clyde practically runs into your arms, hugging you with everything he had and without any shame of his prosthetic brushing against you. “I missed ya so much,” He said against your ear. He felt so warm that you never wanted to leave his arms, Clyde’s hug bringing back a whole bunch of feelings you thought you had moved on.

When you break away he can’t help but ask, “Why-why did you come?”

“Because, I don’t know. I called Jimmy to ask how you were doing, I don’t know why but I just had you in my mind for some reason and when he told me you were at the bar all alone-” You inhaled sharply, trying not to cry. “Oh I just couldn’t let ya spend your Christmas Eve like that Clyde, so I came here.”

Clyde’s cheeks grew hot, his breath getting raggedy as you looked at him like that, eyes filled with so much concern. Even now you cared about him, even after he went and scared you away-said all those awful things. “Oh lord, I don’t deserve you.” He shook his head.

“I hate when you talk like that you know, feeling all sorry for yourself. Clyde, you’re a wonderful man and I can’t believe after all these years you still don’t see it.” You put your hands on your hips. “Still don’t see why it’s ridiculous why you’re all here alone.”

Clyde takes a step closer to you, his hand fidgeting nervously with his pocket. “It’s my fault,” He confesses brokenly. In a way he was apologizing, because he knew it was the truth. You were perfect, always were. He just had to go and find a way to mess it up.

“It’s not!” You say defensively.

Clyde deflects the conversation, “I still don’t understand why ya came all the way down here, from whatever big city ya were livin’ in, just to see me. Ya must have someone waitin’ for ya at home-now it don’t make no sense for ya to come all this way to see me-” You cut him off with a pointed look.

It was your turn to take a step closer, and you were so close that you had to look up at him. “I came here, because even after all these years I still wanna run right back to you. I-I regret so much, I wish I would’ve…” You stop, trying to collect yourself as you begin to tear up.

“Sweetheart, now hold on, just relax.” Clyde soothed you, big brown eyes full of worried at your clear distress. His hand rubbed up and down your arm, trying to calm you.

“I just gotta say it, I regret lettin’ ya get away from me Clyde Logan.” You declare. You feel your heart in your throat, chest heaving as emotions overcome you. Tears fall down your cheeks, and you make no effort to stop them.

“What?” Clyde asks.

“You hear me!”

“No no no, ya got it all wrong sweetheart. I’m the one who regrets letting you get way, not the other way around. I never told ya how much I love ya and it’s the biggest regret of my life.” Clyde looked into your eyes, gripping your shoulder in his hand.

“What?” You shook your head in disbelief.

Clyde’s gaze changes suddenly, realizing something. “This mean ya don’t have no husband, no boyfriend?”

“No, I do not.” You glare at him.

“Hmm, maybe I should fix that.” He contemplates, back to softly caressing your arm.

“Clyde,” You look away smiling, feeling shy and flustered all of a sudden.

He gets this dreamy look on his face, and laughs. “What do ya think of the sound of Mrs. Logan, that sound nice darlin’?”

“Clyde!” You smack his arm. He had no right to be sweet talking you like this out of nowhere.

“Hey I mean it.” He said softly, tilting your chin to look at him. “Mrs. Logan…” He teased, snickering at your flustered squeak.

“I don’t understand you sometimes, all sorry one moment and the next you’re talking about marriage! Of all things, take me out on a real date first mister.” You poke his chest.

“I’m sorry I can’t help it sweetheart, you’re the girl of my dreams I ain’t playin’ around. And I’ll take ya out on a date first, but it is Christmas Eve and I’d like to spend it with you if you’ll let me.”

“When did you get so charming?” You groan, hiding your embarrassed face in his chest.

Clyde laughs some more, his hand sliding to run over your back. He holds you in his arms again, “That mean I can charm ya all the way home with me? Steal ya away to spend Christmas with the Logan’s?” He teases you playfully, though partially serious.

“Oh my god I’m never gonna hear the end of it from Jimmy.” You grumble against Clyde’s chest. You lift your face up to look at him, “I’d love to spend Christmas with you Clyde, I couldn’t think of anything better.”

Clyde holds his heart dramatically, pouting. “You’re too kind sweetheart.” He continues to search your face, eyes growing dark. His voice is heady as he speaks, “But darlin’, I’m afraid if I take ya home my intentions won’t be so innocent. It’s gonna be hard for me to resist givin’ ya some lovin’ - so if you’d like me to take ya out on a few dates first maybe I should take ya home.” He admits, a guilty look on his face.

“No, I want ya to take me to your bed, I’m curious if you’ve learned some new moves since last time.” You tease him, grinning.

Clyde growls, “Sweetheart you’ll be the death of me. Ya better believe I got some things to show ya.” He grabs you, lifting you over his shoulders easily.

“Clyde!”

“Well I can’t carry ya like my wife just yet sweetheart, but I am gonna carry ya.” Clyde held you over his shoulder, his hand sliding to squeeze your ass and humming in delight.

Clyde even carried you from his car to the trailer, not letting you down till you passed the threshold. And then once he did he swooped you back in his arms, pressing a searing kiss against your lips. “Mmm baby you’re as sweet as I remember.” Clyde murmured against your lips. He kissed you and kissed you, until he led you all the way to his bed. It was smaller than what you would’ve expected for such a big man, and the tissues nearby made you smirk.

“Clyde, what are those for? I didn’t think ya had any allergies,” You teased him, hand resting against over his racing heart.

Clyde choked on his own spit, cheeks turning bright red. “Oh-that? Uh, well ya see I got some books there and sometimes they make me sad so I got ‘em for just in case.”

“Ya know I don’t believe that at all right?” You laughed, rubbing your hand over his chest.

Clyde pouted, “Well a man has got needs!” He said defensively.

“Relax big bear, all I’m saying is you shouldn’t need those there anymore.” You lean up to kiss him.

He huffed at that, “You’re damn right.” He licked his lips slowly, eyes flickering up and down over your face. “I think I’m gonna give myself a little present sweetheart.” He smirked down at you.

Clyde turned you around in his arms, fumbling with the zipper on the back of your dress. He was feeling so exciting to get his hands on you it was making him nervous, but when you looked back at him with a soft sweet smile on your face, he knew this is exactly where he was meant to be. He shuddered as more skin was exposed to him in the zippers path, unclasping your bra and taking off your panties along with your dress.

His hand was back at your backside, soft bare flesh in his hand building a fire inside him for you. He placed a careful kiss against your shoulder, before taking off his prosthetic and placing it on the nightstand. “Ah, you’re even prettier than I remember darlin’, it’s unfair.” He shook his head, eyes greedily raking over your nude form.

He hooked his left arm behind your waist, pulling you close to him with it so he could kiss you again. “Your beard tickles Clyde,” You commented.

“What, ya don’t like it?” He fretted.

“No, it’s sorta nice.” You brought your hand up to run over it, and Clyde leaned into your touch. “That feels nice too baby.” He nuzzled your hand.

He looked at you again, eyes soft and longing. His hand slid up to cup a breast, his touch so gentle as his thumb rolled over your nipple, just marvelling at how it hardened with his touch. He lowered his head to kiss between them, taking his sweet time peppering kisses over every inch of your skin. “So nice,” He’d comment, pressing the hardness in his jeans against your thigh.

And you touched him return, a hand sneaking underneath his shirt to feel him, the muscles tensing with your touch. Clyde whined and stopped kissing your breasts when your hand ran over his belly, “Why ya gotta go and touch there?”

“Because I like every part of you handsome, nice and soft.” You kissed his chin.

Clyde panted, eyes closing shut in pleasure. He was way too sensitive there, he didn’t know why. But your touch was eating him alive, “Stop that now,” He said firmly, hand wrapping around your wrist.

Instead of stopping you squeezing his lil tummy in your hand, which made him growl. “Alright, alright I’ve let ya have your fun. S’my turn now.” He started manhandling you in all sorts of ways, getting you set on his bed. And it felt good, his strong grip, much more confident than the last time. The way his hand settled in between your thighs, squeezing them softly before nudging them apart. His hand was so big part of it got coated in your wetness, and you felt flustered at how needy it must appear for you to already be like that for him.

Yet it only spurred on Clyde, when he felt your slick against his hand he couldn’t help but take it against his lips for a taste. “Fuckin’ hell, ah cannot believe how sweet ya taste. Cannot believe I never did this.” His chest is heaving, a wild look in his eyes as he settles to his knees.

Oh and he sure had learned some moves, you didn’t know how he had become so giften in oral, but you were so grateful. His tongue was not shy in maneuvering between your folds, flicking up and down, placing his tongue flat over you and giving a rough lick. He was kissing you too, over your clit and occasionally on your thighs. “Ah just wanna eat ya all night, mmm I love this pussy.” Clyde moaned.

He was so genuinely into the act, that’s what drove you craziest of all. His moans vibrating against you, letting his beard get coated in your wetness as he nudged your clit with his nose, his tongue twisting and turning inside you. It was so filthy it should be illegal, his hot mouth over your cunt and his drool combining with your slick.

“Still so tight sweetheart, gonna have to get ya ready for me,” He said, as his first finger glided inside you. Yes, you remembered just how girthy Clyde was. Tomorrow morning you’d be thankful for all this preparation. When he inserted a second finger you bucked your hips, curling them inside you and rubbing your sweet spot as he slid them in and out.

You were crying out his name and it was music to his ears, but suddenly out of nowhere he had to stop. “”M’so sorry sweetheart, was gonna make ya cum first but I need ya now,” He told ya. Which was when you saw just how desperately he was rocking his hips against the mattress, a wet spot in his jeans from all the precum.

“I’m on the pill Clyde, and I trust ya.” You told him. Clyde grunted at that, taking off his belt as fast as he could. The man could not wait to sink himself inside of your bare pussy, just feel your walls squeeze him. He still remembered last time you felt so nice with a condom on, he couldn’t imagine what it’d feel like without one, and cumming inside you-fuck he needed you now.

Clyde was climbing on top of you, barely fitting on the mattress as he pinned you down with his hips. “I-I don’t think I’m gonna last very long.” He warned you, voice tight.

You nodded, “That’s just fine Clyde, ya got me pretty close back there.”

Clyde gave you one final quick kiss before he pressed the head of his cock against your entrance, already letting out a string of curses just from your radiating heat. He squeezes his eyes tight as he slid all the way in, you lightly rock your hips and he stops that right away, his hand pressing you down to the bed. “N-no, I need a minute. Ah you’re pussy is squeezin’ me so tight, and nice. I wanna cum.”

You give him the time, softly playing with his fluffy hair as he pants above you. Maybe you should’ve prepared yourself more mentally for what was gonna come next, the first gentle thrust was a joke compared to the way Clyde started jackhammering you after. “Ah I’m sorry, bein’ so rough on ya-I just can’t, can’t stop it.” He apologized sweetly, starting to work up a sweat.

You were surprised how much you liked him fucking you like that, like an animal, ravaging you till there was nothing left. It made it feel so much longer than it was. Each thrust, the weight of it slowing time. You keened and moaned for him, weakly trying to meet his hips until they gave out and you submitted to him.

“Baby ya feel so good, I’m gonna-I gotta cum in your sweet pussy. Fill it up with my love.” He gripped your hip, sweat dripping down his hair and his chest.

“Oh yes-ah I’m cumming now Clyde, you can love me however you’d like.” You pant, letting out little moans between words as you lose control.

Clyde doesn’t try to make it last after that, a few uneven thrusts are all he needs for his cum to splash inside you, a few hot spurts that you encourage with sweet words.

He rolls onto his side after, his cock covered in slick and cum as he pulls out of you. He lets out a funny sort of noise when he watches his cum drip out, his brows furrowing and his lips parted. He presses his nose against your neck, just inhaling and trying to catch his breath after the high of making love to you. His arm weighs heavy across your abdomen, but in a way that comforts you.

As soon as he comes back to his senses, Clyde begins to kiss your neck softly, nuzzle and suck on your skin. “I feel like...you’re some type of Christmas miracle.” He murmurs.

“I am not Clyde,” You turn to look at him with a smile, shaking your head at this silly man.

“Ya are! I mean it, no way otherwise I’d have ya here right now like this.”

“Maybe, I just liked you a lot more than you thought.” You poke his nose.

“No that’s not it.” But he can’t help but smile at your words, grabbing the finger that poked him to bite it playfully.

“I wonder what Jimmy’s gonna have to say about all this,” You muse.

Clyde just laughs. “Probably that it’s about time, that I can finally stop acting like a damn fool over you. Joke’s on him, that part isn’t gonna stop. I’m still gonna go on and on about ya while I’m at work.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything less.” You smile knowingly.

“Merry Christmas sweetheart.” Clyde says to you as he notices it’s past midnight, heart filled with the holly jolly spirit and all sorts of loving feelings for you.

“Merry Christmas Clyde Logan.”

Next year, Clyde hoped he’d be calling you his wife. He had no plans of screwing things up this time.

[icameheretowinry]

Ed for character ask, if you want! Have a nice day ❤️

If I want? If I want??? If I want?!?!?! OF COURSE I WANT TO. Ed ruined my life in the best possible way and I will ramble about him forever. LET’S. DO. THIS. 

How I feel about this character:

Obviously, you guys know that Edward Elric is not only my favorite character in the fma universe, but probably my favorite character in general. He’s excellently written, deeply representative of the nature of humanity, and endures beautifully subtle development over the course of his story. I’ve done several character analyses of Ed, but I tend to ramble. Here, I really want to take my time, and talk about specific aspects of his character I think are the most worthy of note. This might get l o n g, so grab some snacks and settle in. Let’s talk about the Fullmetal Alchemist!

One of most defining and well-written characteristics of Ed is his tragic backstory. The consequences of attempting to revive their mother follow Ed and Al years after it occurs, and forms one the main backbone of their story. While the immediate aftermath tends to define a large part of Ed’s personality in the beginning, what makes him so fascinating is that he eventually learns that using his personal tragedies as an excuse for his shortcomings with get him nowhere. Instead, he learns to use his suffering as a springboard to make sure no one else ever has to feel the way he and his brother did. The awful things that happen to Nina are a major setback, but instead of collapsing further in on himself, Ed, mostly thanks to Al, realizes that not only is it ok to start by trying to save himself, but with that effort, he can become stronger, and by extension, do more to help others. So, instead of using tragedy as an excuse for his weaknesses, Ed faces them to make himself stronger, and throughout his journey, use them as markers of his progress, or as checks to his humility. 

Ed is also incredibly well-written to reflect his age. Sure, your average twelve-year-old is not an alchemic prodigy serving in the military, but I’m talking about how Ed reacts to his circumstances as a boy who’s just trying to piece he and his brother’s lives back together. Ed can play up the adult facade as much as he wants, but Arakawa also wrote him to be what he is; a kid. In the early stages of his story, Ed reacts to many inconveniences with fits of frustration, triumphs with unabashed cockiness, and authority or criticism with an upturned nose. Most of these immature reactions lessen or die out as his story progresses, as it does when someone starts to grow up. I can say that after living with a younger brother at ages 12, 13, 14, etc., Arakawa did a spectacular job of not only capturing those years with deadly accuracy, but applying them to an extraordinary individual like Ed in a way that felt effortless. While on a quest that eventually would determine the fate of the world as they knew it, he also gets nervous over a crush, and deals with the ups and downs of teenage friendships. (I mean, 99.9% of people’s best friends in high school don’t give up control of their body to an immortal being but there’s a metaphor I’m getting at here.) 

Another super interesting aspect of Ed’s character is his guilt complex. For someone who so acts his age, he still takes on blame for many things that legitimately weren’t his fault. He blames himself for the loss of Al’s body, though there was no way he could’ve know what Truth would’ve taken from him, or that Truth would’ve intervened at all. He chastises himself for not being useful in dire situations when Winry stepped up to deliver Dominic’s grandchild in Rush Valley. It wasn’t his area of expertise, while Winry, he acknowledges, grew up with doctors for parents and reading medical textbooks. He feels helpless, but how could he know he would find himself in such a situation? He even holds himself responsible as a culprit in Hughes’ death for getting him involved in their research of philosophers’ stones. What Hughes discovered about the nationwide transmutation circle was, ultimately, his own doing. In addition, besides blaming himself for the loss of Al’s body, a guilt that Ed carries to the end of his story was his inability to save Nina. Just because he was the first person to put all the pieces together, he thought that if he realized Shou Tucker’s true intentions that much sooner, she would still be alive. Yet, realistically, no one else had figured it out either. He was just in the wrong place at the right(?) time. Yet, all of this being said, the moments during which Ed overcomes some of his guilt are some of the most powerful in the entire story. (Learning that Al didn’t blame him for the loss of his body is a prime example.)

As I’ve mentioned in other recent character analyses, a complex personality is key to a strong and likable character, and my god, does Ed have one. Ed has many traits that make him just fascinating to watch. While his early cynicism of humanity fades away, he remains cocky, stubborn, abrasive, short-tempered, sarcastic, occasionally hostile to figures of authority, and not one above stroking his own ego. Yet, a lot of those aspects of his personality veer towards superficial. He views every human life (in all forms) as sacred, and something he is painfully reluctantly to use to further his own goals. To those who earn his respect, he is endlessly loyal, selfless, and fights for those who can’t fight for themselves. His personality also takes on a different tint (like a real person) when he interacts with different people. He fights to see the Ling within Greed, but ultimately respects Greed as a member of his team. He’s in awe, yet honest with Riza. He’s sarcastic with Roy, but when in danger, is his greatest ally. He’s level-headed, firm, and forgiving with Al. He’s uniquely gentle and compassionate to Winry. In short, he’s beautifully and painfully human. 

Finally, Ed is an excellent foil to the character of Father. While the latter tried to make himself a perfect being by ridding himself of humanity’s seven deadly sins (an idea I remember someone, though I can’t remember who, likening his goal to the idea of Nietzsche’s “Übermensch,” which is basically a form of superior man who could rise above traditional Christian values to impose his own. That sounds pretty accurate to me, but I’m no expert in this corner of philosophy.), Ed actively embraced all of his flaws, guilt, and well, sins, to ultimately become a more compassionate individual who is able to ultimately triumph over evil. (As a side note, Greed’s aid in this final battle really adds extra emphasis to his earlier explanation to Ed that “everyone wants something they cannot have.” The fact that Greed sacrifices himself in this moment to assure Father’s defeat proves that point several times over, which just makes those final sequences of the battle that much cooler [and heartbreaking]). The fact that Ed, who is riddled with what Father considers the ultimate faults of humanity, still overcomes him, proves that the rejection of own’s own humanity is a greater evil than the sum of it’s parts. As a huge characterization nerd, that’s pretty freaking cool. 

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

Edwin is easily one of my top five OTPs, and I honestly don’t see shipping Ed with anyone else. Like Roy and Riza, Ed and Winry’s relationship is built on years of trust, respect, friendship, and tragedy. While they sometimes struggle with communicating their feelings, whether its about each other or the circumstances they’re facing, they always manage to get their feelings across when the moment demands it. It seems that their respective obsessions confuse or annoy each other, yet, they each possess huge admiration for the other’s accomplishments and passions. They understand the harsh burden of losing their parents, and Winry never judges Ed for attempting to revive his mother, likely because she had the same kind of longing. In addition, each of them are deeply concerned for the safety of the other, with Ed especially going to great lengths to ensure Winry is unaffected with his involvement in the military. Sadness of one pains the other, and they’re both hellbent on making sure the other is, in the end, happy. Talk about the makings of a great relationship! Also, at the most basic level, they’re SO DAMN ADORABLE.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: 

I have to go with Al here. (Also apparently this got too long to add more gifs so rip to that idea…) These two have been through so much together, balance the weight of their varying personalities, and as a result, are the ultimate allies. Besides the deep care these brothers share, the most interesting aspect about them is how their personalities contrast and support one another. Ed is typically hot-headed and impulsive. Al is calmer and leans more towards logic. Ed has a big ego and is sarcastic. While Al has his moments, he’s unflinchingly kindhearted. However, their mutual passion for alchemy, humanity, and completing their quest are unmatched. The story is about brotherhood, and these two are the ultimate protagonists. Al’s superior battle sense, levelheadedness, and gentle personality are the perfect balance to Ed. He brings him back down to earth, yet encourages him to race to the ends of it. They joke and argue, but you know they would sacrifice everything for the other. 

My unpopular opinion about this character:

*sigh* The Ed being really short joke did eventually get old… 

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

As is the case with many fma characters in my book, I want to see more! Knowing Ed, there’s no way this kid would peak at 18. I want to see his adventures after the promised day. I want to see him with Winry and his kids, being a great father, but I also want to see him traveling, discovering, and maybe getting himself into a bit of trouble here and there! At the end of years of struggling and hardship, I want to see the next crazy step in his journey. There’s no way he’d sit still for long. The sky’s barely the limit for Ed, and i want to see how far he flies. 

Send me a character, if you dare. 

[scrawnydutchman]

Coco Movie Review

Note: this review contains spoilers highlighted by bold letters for readers convenience. If you have not seen the film yet skip the bold sections and come back to read them once you HAVE seen it.

So I just came back from the theater after seeing Pixar’s Coco with a friend. An adventurous little romp about a Mexican boys’ supernatural journey to find his destiny, Coco is a spectacularly colorful, visually stimulating, heartfelt and clever little masterpiece that shows that in spite of recent worries many people have been having (myself included) Pixar isn’t losing their touch in creating marvelously original animated pieces. Granted this film borrows a lot of stylistic choices from Disney Animation Studios as well as other animated films (cough *BOOK OF LIFE* cough) but it also arguably takes those choices and makes them better. I’ll delve into more detail about that in a bit, but let’s tackle this film one section at a time, starting with story.

Story:

Synopsis: Miguel is a young boy who is part of a large family in Mexico and has aspirations to become a great musician. But music is banned in his family due to an ancestor of his leaving his wife and child behind to selfishly pursue a career in it. This doesn’t stop Miguel from striving for greatness though as he feels it’s in his blood to play music. One thing leads to another and Miguel ends up transporting himself to the realm of the dead where he decides to learn more about his families past to find out just what happened all those years ago. But it’s a race against the clock as Miguel finds out if he doesn’t leave the realm of the dead fast enough he will end up staying there forever. Will he be able to find his destiny and discover the truth about his family in time?

This is a pretty typical Disney plot setup. Young protagonist wants to achieve something greater than what his family has planned for him, goes on big misadventure to discover his true destiny, his family learns an important lesson about letting their kid follow their heart. If you’ve seen a Disney movie you know the ropes. But while this storyline is undeniably common among Disney films, Coco actually has a unique take on the subject matter that I haven’t seen previous entries ever do before. The lesson of the family letting Miguel follow his dreams is still present, but this time around it isn’t as clear cut and dry as, say, Pixar’s Ratatouille, which also had an ongoing theme of passion vs. family. While in Ratatouille the family pretty much has to concede to Remy as the film demonstrates he was right all along, Coco has the angle that Miguel is also at fault for a lot of his actions and has to know the importance of family as well. The film also has a great plot twist that makes the point that there IS such a thing as going too far for your dream. Truth be told it’s probably the most refreshing take on the subject matter I’ve ever seen either Disney or Pixar do.

The plot twist in this film is arguably the most effective twist I’ve ever seen either a Disney or Pixar film pull off. Matter of fact it’s very similar to the plot twist in Disney’s Frozen, but I would argue Coco succeeded where Frozen failed. In Frozen the true bad guy is hidden through a cheat in the narrative. The prince acts all starry eyed and innocent even when in the context of the scene nobody is around him, and so it’s a bit of a cheat to have it be executed in this fashion. With Coco, the bad guy is shrouded in mystery for the majority of the film. Ernesto de la cruz plays a very similar role to Gusteau in Ratatouille, where he’s a role model the protagonist never really interacts with outside of watching films and pretending to be there with him. At least that’s what it is for the majority of the movie. But when we DO finally meet him and learn his dark terrible secret, and that he cheated and murdered his way to his success, it’s not unbelievable, because just like the main character we as the audience only saw what he wanted us to see. We only ever saw his on screen persona and heard other people talk about him, whereas again, in Frozen the context implies the prince is virtuous even behind closed doors. It doesn’t feel out of nowhere because the narrative doesn’t progress in a way where betrayal was ruled out. And this twist is beyond clever because, again, it takes the moral we all see coming and puts a completely different spin on it. There IS such a thing as going too far for your dream, and there IS a certain extent where you have to put your family before your aspirations. It’s a much more profound look than kids are used to.

Beyond the compelling plot twist and the clever spin on an otherwise overdone message, it’s a pretty cookie cutter Disney movie. There’s a comedic foil, an adorable sidekick, an ambitious young protagonist, and this time around more than a few tear jerker moments. But hey, if it ain’t broke don’t fix it. And man, when it comes to the tear jerkers, this film comes from the realest place since Pixar’s Up. The last 30 minutes are especially gut wrenching, which I for one think is a welcome compensation after Moana was pretty lacking in the sad stuff (though I will admit as a result this movie is lacking in the more comedic side). Also there’s a more than healthy dosage of Mexican culture to really break up the monotony of the story we’ve heard millions of times.

Animation/Art Design:

This. Film. Is. GORGEOUS!!! Absolutely colorful, inventive backgrounds, great use of contrasting blue with orange, dripping with Mexican atmosphere, and it really showcases some of the most impressive and inventive visuals I’ve ever seen in a Pixar movie. For one, this movie is not afraid to zoom in on all the intricate guitar playing, and for good reason. You can see every detail, every plucked string, every held note in the guitar playing. You might think this is a minor point, but take it from an animator; animating guitar or piano playing is EXTREMELY difficult especially if you want to make a point on being as accurate as possible. There’s a reason why in most animated media they zoom out, zoom in to the face or depict the playing from the other side of the piano to hide the fact that they probably aren’t hitting the right notes. Also, the way the skeletons move is wonderfully creative and interesting. So much thought went into how they walk, how they interact with their environment, how they rebuild themselves after splitting into several pieces. I especially love the squash and stretch the skeletons have; it makes them look appealingly jagged and really sells how lightweight they are without all that flesh and meat. This films is dripping with inventive visuals from beginning to end. The use of colous are on point, the lighting is great, the Textures are the best Pixar has pulled thus far. It’s a visual marvel. The character designs are great too, especially Dante the very derpy looking dog. The way his eyes and tongue look make for an effective comedic foil as well as the way his lanky scrawny body moves. In fact, the animal creatures in this movie are all very appealing in different ways. Many people including myself were skeptical about the designs of the skeletons, particularly with the big expressive Disney-esque eyes. While I’ll admit at first I thought they looked a little too odd they grew on me over time.

Also this movie is great at using it’s visuals to better progress the story, like how Miguel’s body is becoming more of a skeleton to sell the passage of time without verbally pointing it out too often.

There is just one very VERY minor issue I have with the visuals. I’m not 100% certain on this as I’ve only seen the film once thus far so it’s possible there’s just something wrong with my sight or some other reason, but I think the film uses motion blur to it’s disadvantage at times. There are scrolling shots in this movie that are supposed to showcase how massive an environment is and how many people are present in a location, but the use of motion blur makes it too fuzzy to really take in and I honestly think they laid it on too thick at times for how fast the camera actually moves. It got to a point where trying to follow the movement actually strained my eyes a little bit. It would have benefited the film more if they just left it out in certain points to make the image pop as clear as day. All well, it’s a minor knitpick that for all I know might not actually be a problem, but for the time being i’m docking a wee bit from the overall score. Besides that, it’s an undeniably beautiful flick.

Acting:

Pretty standard Disney and Pixar quality here. Every voice actor and actress in this movie does a stellar job. The cast is authentically Mexican and it shows (lncluding a Gabriel Iglesias cameo), making for greater immersion into the scenery. No performance seemed out of place, everybody got the proper emotions across. Not a whole lot else to say really.

Sound Design:

Again, pretty standard Disney and Pixar quality. Being that this movie has a heavy music theme in it, the soundtrack is beautiful and, again, authentically Mexican. The recurring song “Remember Me” is especially beautiful. This is one of those movies where the music is actually so good that I ended up getting the soundtrack on Spotify. Also, though it’s a minor addition, the mariachi cover of the music for the opening Disney logo is a nice touch. The sound effects were effective as always.

EDIT: I forgot to mention this the first time around. Not only is the music stellar but it actually plays into the plot as well in a way that’s very effective in retrospect. The song “Remember Me” has 2 versions; the opening bombastic one done by the villain of the movie and the softer, more sentimental version done by the real musician. This is actually brilliant foreshadowing to the types of characters each of them are. de la Cruz is a self absorbed, entitled asshole, and so his version of the song reflects that by being a big over the top dance number. The phrase “Remember Me” in this case is more about him telling his audience about how important he is. In contrast, the lullaby version is soft, sentimental and genuine. It isn’t superficial and it’s beautifully simple. This is a reflection of the writer. He didn’t write it to become a star. He didn’t write it because he wanted attention or glory. He wanted to make a connection with his daughter before he left. A touch like this is brilliantly subtle.

Conclusion:

Coco is tightly written with a clever and refreshing take on a recurring Disney trope. It’s visually stunning, very inventive, dripping with Mexican atmosphere and culture, and showcases some of the most heartfelt visuals and audibles I’ve seen come out of Pixar in a very long time. Really, my only problem with it was the use of motion blur at times, and that’s me REALLY stretching for something bad to say about it that I’m not even entirely sure I can back up. It’s a great film to take your kids to or to see for yourself if you’re an animation fan.

Story: 2/2

Animation/Art Design: 3.9/4

Acting: 2/2

Sound Design: 2/2

Final verdict; 9.9/10 - DAMN close to perfect.

[sxpiosexualx]

Keep faith Jonsa fam <3

With S07E06 it’s easy to lose faith in the ship and so many people are reasonably upset but fret not! We still have plenty of points that are still as valid as they were prior to this episode.

Let’s go through them and calm down, alright? (For Jonerys shippers, people are allowed to ship whoever they want. Please don’t take this as an attack to your ship.)

Here are some summarised points just to refresh yourself on why this ship makes so much sense!

1) Sansa being the first Stark to reunite with Jon, forming a bond between the two. Think of all how refreshing it was to see Jon and Sansa smile on screen for the first time in forever, and how crucial it is for developing the plot!

2) The marriage symbolisms in the scenes they share. Sansa is cloaked in(what I assume to be) Jon’s cloak when she first arrives at Castle Black. She then cloaks him in the Stark fur she makes him(and he’s worn it ever since - even on the cliff at Dragonstone). They both have also shared a drink together, which just paints more wedding imagery. Not to mention, Jon has promised to protect her(sounds like something you’d vow to your partner).

3) How their scenes are shot in a particular way that may suggest a foreshadowing of them being endgame. Candle lit rooms, gentle snow falling and panned close ups of anytime Sansa’s grabbed Jon’s hand/arm.

4) Bickering like an old married couple while still empowering each other and Sansa reassuring the Jon that he’s good at ruling thus giving him the confidence he needs and reminding him that he’s a Stark to her. Wow I love a supportive dynamic. Nothing but mutual respect from my two children.

5) How well they work together and how they balance each other out. Jon of course being the military man, and Sansa being more politically savvy. Wow, Westeros is shook at this power couple.

6) The Ned and Cat parallels. I don’t even need to get into this one because there are plenty of sources out there that have pointed this out!

7) Littlefinger’s panned close up of him looking at Jon, then looking at Sansa as if he’s putting two and two together. This is incredibly significant considering the event that led up towards it could be seen as Littlefinger trying to see what would make Jon tick.

8) Angry Kitten Jon i.e. the strange way in which we see him react to different people bringing up Sansa. Choking Littlefinger, glaring and not being interested in discussing her with Tyrion, Sansa being the only reason he chooses to spare Theon. Davos’ close up right after his interaction with Theon. Very suspicious.

9) Them mentioning each other even when they’re miles apart. It’s an odd thing to note that Sansa keeps saying she wishes Jon were with her and that she hopes he comes back soon, meanwhile we also have Jon not being able to escape the mention of Sansa.

10) Jon taking notice of her new silk dress. Remember when he said he’d want to see Ygritte in a silk dress... so he could tear it off of her?

11) The forehead kiss and lingering gaze. They could have reshot this if it wasn’t meant to give off any other vibe that wasn’t perceived as brotherly. 10mill for that last episode, just saying.

12) The deleted scene. In which Jon tells Ghost to stay behind and protect Sansa.

13) Name parallels in both the Stark and Targaryen family tree. There was a Jaeherys Targaryen(some people think this may be Jon’s true name) who married an Alyssane(which is remarkably similar sounding to Alayne - Sansa’s adoptive name while she was in the Vale. But even if it turns out his true name isn’t Jaeherys, there’s still the Jonnel Stark that married a Sansa Stark. Now that’s on the nose.

14) Sansa giving his new life purpose. When we see Jon after he’s resurrected, he was ready to abandon his post as Lord Commander. Sansa walks in just in time, and she gives him a reason to fight for - the reclamation of Winterfell. Jon is truly reborn when he resurfaces from the crowd and we see in him something that’s been missing throughout the season - purpose. Then he goes and knocks the sh*t out of Ramsay.

15) The Prince Aemon/Joffrey bit. Ned had promised her someone brave, gentle and strong like Prince Aemon, noting that the match with Joffrey was a mistake. This happens in Season 1 and in the 1st installation of the ASOIAF books. In the 3rd installation of the books, Jon recalls a time where he and Robb would be training as kids, referring to himself as Prince Aemon the Dragonknight.While in the show in Season 7, we see Jon get insulted at the thought that Sansa might think of him to be like Joffrey - to which she says he’s as far as Joffrey as anyone she’s ever met.

16) Sansa’s hair. This is often overlooked but I remember reading that when Sophie Turner got her role, she asked the producers why she had to dye her hair. They told her that it’s actually important and crucial to the plot in some symbolic way. Let me just point out to you how most if not all the women in Jon’s life that he’s been involved with in some way or another has had red hair. While this seems like merely a coincidence that’s not worth bringing up, it could be tied to the validation he never received while growing up - of Catelyn’s(who had more of an auburn shade), and Sansa who took after her mother in never accepting Jon fully.

17) Janos Slynt. Sansa had wished for a hero to behead Janos Slynt(in the books). Jon ends up beheading Janos Slynt(in the books and the show). This has a romantic connotation since the hero always falls for the princess in the songs.

18) How their arcs almost reflect and mirror each other throughout the story. Both Jon and Sansa had romantic ideas of the world that are debunked by reality. Jon believing the Night’s Watch is a place of honour, and Sansa having her whole reality flipped. (My poor bbs </3)

19) How their arcs are at one point reversed. Sansa finds herself born into a position of power in the beginning, while Jon was a bastard. She then at finds herself being the bastard, while Jon is raised up as Lord Commander. This is good to take note of as they now have a better understanding of each other respectfully.

20) How them getting together would literally give them both what they wanted as children. Sansa’s always wanted her prince(and since Rhaegar annulled his marriage, Jon is a Targaryen Prince), and Jon’s always wanted a family and to live in Winterfell(+ deep down I’m sure he’s always craved the validation he was denied as a child growing up in Winterfell - he had hoped Ned would have the King legitimise him).

21) Poetic justice. How fitting would it be to have a situation that started out from a Targaryen/Stark wedding to end with a Targaryen/Stark wedding(this time done right)? Too perfect.

Those are some of the points I could think of straight off the top of my head, without taking into account the points that stand against D*enerys. I wanted to make sure this post was as positive without having to be perceived as me taking a go at D*ny. But, for the purpose of making this complete, let’s see some points against that ship(you can stop reading at this point if you only want positivity, but I’ll try to be as rational!)

1) The argument that J*nerys together makes the Song of Ice and Fire. This is a questionable point since there could be many interpretations of what’s truly Ice and Fire so I’ve never found this to be persuasive. You could argue that Jon is the Song of Ice and Fire himself, since it’s been revealed that he is both Stark and Targaryen.

2) D*enerys’ story arc serves as a foil to Jon’s. The reason why these characters seem alike is because they seem to mirror their positions throughout the story. However, if you take a closer look - D*ny has risen to power on account of her birthright and dragons, and she has actively sought out her power. Meanwhile, Jon finds himself in a position of power not because he wants it or has a birthright, but because people want him to assume that position(like being elected Lord Commander and then crowned King in the North).

3) The highlighted differences between these characters. In Mereen in Season 5, we see D*enerys sentence a man to death but have Daario Naharis carry out the sentence in front of her people as a deterrent. This has always been interesting to me because she cannot bring herself to look at him as he is being beheaded. It reminds me of the saying that he who passes the sentence should swing the sword. In the same season, we see Jon behead Janos Slynt himself.

4) The direction the show seems to have taken in relation to D*ny’s methods of ruling. Yes, I do agree that you’ve got to be more and more ruthless as you hold more and more power but it’s interesting to me how they’ve decided to shoot her scenes lately. There’s her insisting that she is Queen(Tywin: “Any man who must say “I am the King” is no true King.”). Then we are asked to empathise with the Lannister army for the first time in the series - with Ed Sheeran’s cameo meant to humanise the soldiers, and the Field of Fire 2.0 battle being shot from the Lannister army’s point of view - of devastation when going against a weapon of mass destruction(Drogon). To top it all off, she displays ignorant hypocrisy - saying she wants to break the wheel but only when she’s already on top, deflecting and ignoring any attempts Tyrion makes to talk some sense into her(we’ve seen Tyrion trying to deny that she’s being irrational while with Varys, and mentioning that she’s known to lose her temper), telling the army she’s not there to murder them and then giving them an ultimatum of bending the knee or dying, and burning the Tarlys alive. That last point is interestingly enough never brought up with Jon the same way the maesters don’t inform Samwell - which makes me feel like it’s been left out for now, for a reason. It’ll come back and change Jon’s perspective of her further.

5) Contrasting D*ny’s ruling methods with Sansa’s. While D*enerys’ loot train attack destroyed the food that would have fed the people, in the same episode we see Sansa trying to ensure that her people are fed. It’s there for a reason. For us to be able to extract and juxtaposition these two together and start questioning who would make a better Queen - a ‘foreign invader’ and conquerer who uses her weapons of mass destruction to pave a way for her on the Iron Throne, or the key to the North who has learnt how to play the Game of Thrones from arguably a few of the best players(Cersei, Margaery, and Littlefinger).

6) Cersei’s Prophecy of the Younger, more beautiful Queen. People seem to overlook this when it’s actually quite indicative of endgame. People are also quick to assume that D*ny is the Younger Queen that would talk all that [Cersei] holds dear. But how could she be? D*enerys had nothing to do with the deaths of Joffrey, Myrcella, and Tommen. Sansa did. Although unknowingly. Sansa was the one who informed Olenna Tyrell of how much of a monster Joffrey was - this set the chain of events that led to all three of Cersei’s children’s deaths. While Margaery could be perceived as the Younger Queen as well - she had no clue of Olenna’s involvement, and furthermore - Cersei still has Jaime while Margaery has already been reduced to ashes. So, if Jaime were to sometime in the future join forces under Sansa, she would fulfil the prophecy. I highly doubt that Jaime would be keen on joining D*enerys after what he’s seen her do with fire - I’m sure he was getting war flashbacks, poor guy.

**I’d like to mention and give fair warning that past this point, I’ve hinted at some things that happen in E06 so if you want to be absolutely spoiler free, please stop yourself from reading further. Or, you could go ahead and read only the bolded first line of each point!**

7) A marriage between D*enerys and Jon serves no greater purpose. We are reminded that D*ny is barren(please don’t make it seem like I’m picking at this being her fault and hating her for it, I’m trying to be rational), she cannot give Jon an heir(children he’s always wanted though I don’t doubt that if he truly loves someone he wouldn’t mind giving that dream up, so don’t see this as me trying to pit two women against each other for the sole reason of one not being able to have children). So the Targaryen lineage would truly die with D*enerys if this marriage is realised. Furthermore, the North will not accept a Southern ruler, and will always follow the Stark name. If Jon bends the knee, not only will he be giving up what his family fought for, but he would be betraying the wants of his people. If it is revealed that he is Targaryen and it’s made public knowledge, the marriage that makes the most sense to maintain peace is if he marries Sansa - a Stark, since Jon would be abdicating his position as King in the North by bending the knee and Sansa would still be Lady of Winterfell as she has the Stark name. On the topic of children though, for some reason in E06 we keep getting hints of possibly foreshadowings of Jon having his own children - specifically when Jorah doesn’t accept Longclaw, saying it would serve [Jon]’s children well - and then the scene cuts to Sansa and Arya.

8) Jon possibly playing D*enerys is not completely OOC. Take into account what he did with Ygritte, then take into account the number of reminders he’s had this season alone. Sansa reminds him to be smarter than Robb and Ned, and one of the other Northern Lords reminds him that Robb rode South once, married a foreigner and lost the North. What’s the one thing Kit Harrington says about Jon this season? That he’s beginning to listen to Sansa. You may argue that it’s character assassination to have Jon, who’s so pure, resort to manipulation but he could be putting his family and duty first - he needs to do what he can to secure her alliance. In fact I think it’s more insulting to his character if we were to assume that he would deliberately give up the North without first consulting his people, let alone Sansa. It’s way past time Jon plays a little bit of the game, it does his character justice to develop and learn from past mistakes at least that much. Of course, there’s also guilt following the events of E06 during the wight hunt. Let’s not forget D*ny’s prophecy that states that she will be betrayed thrice - once for blood, once for gold and once for love(this last one has yet to happen).

9) The Odysseus/Penelope/Calypso parallel. I saw this going around at some point and it’s been quite popular ever since! Unfortunately I’m not too sure who the original source is, but please feel free to tag them below! They made a link between the three greek characters with Jon, Sansa and D*ny respectfully. Calypso had detained Odysseus on her island for some time, while Penelope stayed behind and ruled on behalf of him in his absence. Odysseus and Calypso end up sleeping together but in the end, he comes back to his Penelope. It’s not to say that I like the idea of Sansa being ‘second’, but I’m choosing to interpret this in a way that guarantees Jon coming back to Sansa despite the boatbang.

That concludes this little list/semi-meta(?) I’ve never taken a go at these, in fact I’m pretty sure this is my second time making my own textpost. Again, the point of this was not to put one character against the other just so we can be satisfied with our ship. You are allowed to ship whoever you want to! I simply felt the need to bring these points up again because the night is dark and full of red-herrings.

Please try to leave this post as hate-free as possible. If it appears on the wrong tag, I apologise. But if you were secure with your ship then you wouldn’t feel the need to come at me. Although if you do still feel the need to defend a certain character, no one’s stopping you - just be respectful! x

Last but not least... can we just... appreciate these two. (I saw this gif online but I’m not sure where, apologies if it’s yours - all credit to you and please don’t hesitate to let me know.)

[ttstranscripts]

Transcript of The Talk Show Episode 4

Title: James Duncan Davidson & Digital Photography

Hosts: John Gruber, Dan Benjamin

Special guest: James Duncan Davidson

Release date: 28 July 2007

Description: Special guest James Duncan Davidson joins us to talk about digital photography. JDD is a pro, and shares his experience as a professional photographer for WWDC and O’Reilly.

Dan Benjamin: So where are you right now, Duncan, what conference are you at this week?

James Duncan Davidson: I’m actually at two conferences simultaneously. Today, tomorrow, and the next day is the Ubuntu Live conference. And then, starting tomorrow and going for the rest of the week is the Open Source Convention.

Benjamin: And you’re covering these, you’re photographing them?

Davidson: Yeah, I’m shooting them both.

Benjamin: That’s what we’re here to talk about. Last week, John and I said we gotta get you on here.

Davidson: Oh, I know, and I heard that actually. I was listening to the podcast while I was riding the MAX, and I think I was going over the bridge right about that point, and it was a very freaky feeling to be volunteered to do something while you’re listening to yourself on public transit. But I’m down with it, it’s pretty cool.

John Gruber: For those of you who don’t know, we’re talking to James Duncan Davidson. James Duncan Davidson is right now primarily — is that your primary source of income, you’re a conference photographer? I mean, most of your time is spent on photography now.

Davidson: Yeah, this year will be the first year it’s crossed the 50 percent line.

Gruber: But your background is very, very varied, and you’ve done everything from Java to Ruby on Rails, a lot of programming stuff. You’ve written books on Cocoa programming.

Davidson: Yep.

Gruber: So you go to these tech conferences, but you could easily not just be attending them, you could be and in the past have actually spoken at them.

Davidson: Oh yeah, yeah.

Benjamin: You spoke at Rails conference last year, right?

Davidson: Yeah, and they actually wanted me to speak this year, but I didn’t think I could actually do the job of shooting, and the conference, and get the talk ready. And even more tricky, photographing myself speaking, I thought that might be a little hard.

Benjamin: With all those strobes flashing all over the place, that’s a full-time job just setting those up.

Davidson: The conferences really have turned into — I mean, when I’m at a conference, it’s more than a full-time job. Like today, you’re catching me, it all worked out where I can find a break, but it’s going to be a 14-hour day. But it’s precisely because I spoke at tech conferences for so long that O’Reilly first picked me up to do the photography. They had the theory, and I agreed with them at the time and still do, that since I knew most of the people in this environment and knew what was going on, I probably would have a decent enough eye for understanding what would be important to take pictures of and what wouldn’t be at a tech conference. And that’s how the professional photography career got started.

Benjamin: As far as actually learning to be a photographer, you don’t just show up at a conference and start taking pictures, and now all of a sudden O’Reilly is hiring you to shoot everything. It can’t work like that.

Davidson: No, no, I’ve been shooting pictures since I was six or seven years old. My grandmother taught me how, and I’ve been shooting ever since.

Benjamin: You don’t have any formal training or educational background in photography though?

Davidson: No. All my formal training was in architecture actually. So, lots of design work, but no specific classes in photography, just lots and lots of experience.

Benjamin: So you said you grandmother taught you, Duncan, what did you start — because when I was a little kid, maybe this is how you started, when I was a little kid, we took a little — I guess it was some construction paper, and we folded it up into a little box, we painted it black, and then you took a little pinhole, and you just poke a pinhole and this little piece of tinfoil — and I understand now it’s aluminum foil — which was taped to a cut-out piece in the front of a thing, and there was like a little flap, and you would open up the flap, and just on the back of this thing you had one of those — you remember the old style 35 mm or whatever, the little pocket cameras that you would give to kids that had the little plastic U-shaped film thing that would fit into the back of the camera.

Davidson: The 110 cassettes, yeah.

Benjamin: Exactly. And you would crank that with a quarter, and then you would open the front of the thing, count to three, and then close it, and your picture would come out. That’s actually still how I photograph today.

Davidson: For some people, that would be the purest expression of photography because you’re directly manipulating aperture and shutter and everything right there. But no, I didn’t learn with a pinhole camera. You actually have a better background than I do then.

Benjamin: Well, my whole experience pretty much ends there though.

Davidson: [laughs] My grandmother shot 35 mm film on Leicas and I quickly picked up a — I had my own little 110 camera, I had one of those disc cameras. You remember those?

Benjamin: Oh yeah, that was really — if you had one of those — wow.

Gruber: Yeah, they were crazy cool because they were such an odd form factor because they were, like, up vertical. They were so thin in terms of front to back.

Benjamin: Yeah. They had these teeny-tiny lenses on them because they had such a small negative.

Gruber: And they took such crap pictures.

Davidson: They did.

Benjamin: [laughs]

Gruber: I should —

Benjamin: What — oh, go ahead, John. That’s John Gruber, by the way.

Gruber: I was just going to mention, for everybody who doesn’t know, you’re listening to The Talk Show. I’m John Gruber. I’m here hosting the show with my friend Dan Benjamin. We have some sponsors to thank this week, I would like to thank them, that’s why this show is here. And first up, I’d like to mention 37signals.

Benjamin: Can you believe that? How did we get them?

Gruber: They’re sponsoring The Talk Show. They have a bunch of great web apps, they do great software. The one that I want to talk about is Ta-da Lists. You guys use Ta-da Lists? It’s sort of like the list feature from Basecamp, broken out into its own little app. It’s free, you just go there, you make like a to-do list. And the reason — I never used it, I checked it out, I used it, it’s pretty good. But all of a sudden now I use it every day because what they did — and it wouldn’t an episode of The Talk Show if we didn’t bring up iPhone. They have an iPhone-optimized version of Ta-da List. You go to tadalist.com, you sign up, you get your own username. So I have one, I share it with my wife, we do all of our shopping lists on Ta-da Lists now. You get the regular Ta-da List interface when you go to it in Safari or Firefox, your regular web browser on your computer, so we can share shopping lists. We just do one for each store we go to. Then I go to the store, take out my iPhone, go there, and I get an iPhone-optimized view of the website. It’s not a little thing I have to pinch down in Safari, it’s just perfect. Every time I buy something, you just tap it, click “done”, it’s off the list, and I never — I’m the most absent-minded person in the world. We live about two blocks from a Whole Foods here in Philadelphia. I will leave the house and my wife can say, “Don’t forget to buy soy milk.” And I will say, “Okay.” And I will go there and I will see, oh, look, a new kind of chips! And I’ll buy these chips, come home, and she’ll be like, “Where is the soy milk?” And I’ll be like, “Oh.” And she’s like, “That’s the whole reason you went.” Never happens anymore. So, Ta-da Lists from 37signals.

Benjamin: Saved the marriage, it sounds like.

Gruber: No, it just saved me extra trips back to the grocery store.

Davidson: So it saved you frustration.

Gruber: And it also makes me feel like my iPhone is useful.

Benjamin: That justifies the purchase, I think.

Gruber: Oh, absolutely.

Davidson: Of course.

Gruber: I think one of the big differences for me — I got started as a hobbyist photographer with an actual film 35 mm Rebel about eight years ago or so. And I think the bad habit that it drilled into my head is that every time I press the shutter button, it’s going to cost me 50–75 cents to get the film developed. So if you started with film, it costs some amount of money every time you press the shutter, and you get into habit of really pinching your shots, make every one count. Whereas with digital, it’s effectively free, I mean, you do have to go back afterwards and pick the ones that you want to keep and get rid of [the rest], but it’s really a little bit of your time to go through and get rid of the bad shots. And you get so much better results if you just shoot-shoot-shoot-shoot-shoot as opposed to wait-wait-wait-wait-wait-okay, there it is-shoot.

Davidson: Right. It’s cheap until you have to go buy a terabyte array because you’ve taken so many shots.

Benjamin: You had a whole post, probably about a year ago, where you were sort of — the dos and don’ts for conference speakers, and one of them was, get anti-reflective coating on your glasses if you wear glasses. If you don’t wear glasses, get some, because people who wear glasses are significantly more intelligent. A whole bunch of things. One of the things that you said, you were talking about — dress appropriately for your audience. If your audience is going to be in a suit, you probably need to wear a suit. If your audience is going to be in business casual or t-shirts or whatever, dress relative to them. But as a photographer of the event, working the event, do you have to adhere to that dress code as well?

Davidson: I do, I do.

Benjamin: So it’s possible we might see you in a three-piece suit with a bow tie?

Davidson: If I were photographing an event where everybody else is wearing a three-piece suit, yeah, I would have to do something about that.

Benjamin: Most of the time though you’re a t-shirt and jeans kind of a guy?

Davidson: Most of the time. Most of the conferences I shoot are geek conferences where most of the people are pretty relaxed in what they wear. I have been trending though towards neatening it up a little bit. Dark colors work well when you’re shooting in the dark because I don’t really want to pull a lot of attention to myself. The day I wore the bright screaming magenta shirt was not a good day. Just kidding, never did that.

Benjamin: [laughs]

Davidson: But, like, today I’m wearing black pants and a black short sleeve button-down shirt. It’s not a fancy shirt, it’s some Old Navy kind of shirt, but you know. It’s nice enough, right?

Benjamin: In a way though, don’t you want to wear some kind of a t-shirt or a shirt that’s going to grab attention?

Davidson: Actually, most of the time I just want to blend in and not have attention come my way. Nothing ruins a shot more than somebody seeing a camera and going, “Hey, there’s a camera!” and pointing right into it.

Benjamin: What do you think about — as far as speakers go — let’s say I’m speaking at Rails conference next year, which is a pretty casual conference. And we’ll see if Chad lets me come back, but it tends to be a casual conference, and some people are in polo style shirts, other people in t-shirts. Can I wear a t-shirt on stage, is that okay?

Davidson: You could, and it would really depend on what t-shirt. If you had a really nice cottony material t-shirt that was, you know, the American Eagle ones or the American Apparel ones — maybe. And you’re a skinny guy, you can get away with it.

Benjamin: Thank you. You know who’s doing some really cool t-shirts actually right now? And you know what, they’re a sponsor, insanelygreattees.com. If you’ve seen the Flickr photos of me with the old-school bomb on the shirt or the one with the binary tree, there’s a lot of cool things that they do. They came to us and said, “We want to —” I guess they see these pictures of me on Flickr, and John, don’t you have the bomb shirt?

Gruber: Of course I do. The system bomb.

Benjamin: Yeah, system bomb from old OS 7.

Gruber: That shirt is the bomb.

Davidson: I want that shirt.

Benjamin: We actually worked out a cool deal with them, since you want the shirt. There’s some kind of — I don’t know how this works, maybe you go to the site, John, or what do you do? There’s a coupon they have worked out for us. So if you buy two or more shirts, you get free domestic shipping. And if you happen to be stuck in some other country, then you get —

Gruber: And how do you apply this coupon? What’s the coupon code?

Benjamin: That’s a good question, but it expires at the end of July, so you better act now.

Gruber: So go to our website, thetalkshow.net, to see the coupon?

Benjamin: Yeah, we’ll have a link, we’ll put up a link.

Gruber: I like the way you worked that in, that was very smooth the way you segued. I’m going to have to practice that for next week’s show.

Benjamin: It will be less abrupt if you can work it in that way — but I was actually, the reason I was wondering is —

Gruber: I like the challenge of having to work in, before I say something about to thank a sponsor, to think of — no matter how obscure, some way to work it in. I’m going to do it, that’s a challenge.

Benjamin: There’s something I’ve been wanting to ask you, it’s a bit more technical photography type questions. Not really that technical because I’m still sort of starting out.

Davidson: You’ve still got the pinhole camera.

Benjamin: I finally moved up from the pinhole to the Canon Rebel Digital XTi. And it’s a great camera, I was definitely influenced by you and John and a few other people to go in the Canon direction, I’m happy I did it. So how come you wind up with these situations, very confusing to people who are just starting out, when they talk about a wide vs. a narrow aperture. You’ve actually got numbers going in the opposite direction that you would think, you think big and it’s actually small, and small is big. What is that and is there any kind of petition that I can be involved with or help support that would get them to straighten that out because it’s — I mean, I understand it philosophically but — we don’t need to keep that around anymore, do we?

Davidson: Oh hell yeah we do, it’s all about circles, it’s math. There’s a beautiful bit of math behind photography, and that number, f/1.4, f/2, f/2.8, f/4, f/5.6, f/8 — you can always tell when somebody’s been taking lots of pictures because they can rattle that scale off. It’s all ratios, it’s ratios, dealing with pi and circles, and each next step, going from 1 to 1.4, from 1.4 to 2, from 2.0 to 2.8 — that’s doubling the amount of light you’re getting in.

Gruber: But it does throw people off, it is an unfortunate circumstance that the numbers worked out like that because you end up with the thing where, for example, a lens that the fastest it gets is 2.8 is significantly slower than a lens that goes to f/1.8. But if you look at the total scale of numbers, and you show it to just some guy shopping at Best Buy, well, that looks like it’s almost the same. Because it also goes up to like f/16. Or f/7, you’re shooting in sunlight.

Benjamin: Your natural inclination is, well, this one goes all the way up to 16!

Davidson: [laughs] Or 32.

Gruber: 2.8, 1.8, what’s the difference. But the difference is actually huge. An f/1.8 lens, you can actually shoot indoors in relatively low light and get some really nice results. And then f/2.8, you really need a significant amount of light indoors to get a shot.

Benjamin: Duncan, when you’re shooting at these conferences, are you mainly shooting with a zoom lens? Do you use prime lenses at all in your conference shooting? Are you using prime lenses at all, period? I’ll tell you why I ask, when I first started out, John’s suggestion to me was, get one of a couple of these different prime lenses. I think one was 50 mm, and he also recommended a 28 mm, which makes sense if you take into consideration the crop factor on a digital SLR, which you can maybe hopefully explain in your answer. But I recall that when I was talking to you about it, you said, “Yeah, prime lenses are really great, you may also want to consider getting a lens that does zoom, but you’re going to zoom way less than you think you’re going to zoom.” So, to my original question, what are you shooting with most of the time? Does it vary? What’s the deal with the crop factor? And what do you think about the whole prime lens thing?

Davidson: Well, let’s take this one step at a time. What I shoot with right now in conference situations, there’s three lenses I lean on, it’s the 24–70, the 70–200, and then the 300 mm prime. So it’s two zooms and a prime. And they’re all f/2.8 lenses so they’re all pretty fast and pretty capable. I’ve got faster lenses in terms of aperture, I’ve got several 1.4 lenses and several 2.0 lenses, but I find when I’m shooting the events, I actually need to keep my aperture around f/4. So I’ve got enough depth of field to work with somebody’s head. So I don’t have, like, a totally focused nose and totally blurred out back of their hair. The 300 mm prime is an amazing lens, it’s also really expensive.

Benjamin: Is that the one with the white chassis?

Davidson: That’s the white long tube that looks like it’s going to suck your soul out when you see it.

Benjamin: [laughs]

Davidson: That one is my all-time favorite right now. It may be a little bit a new toy syndrome, but it’s just so damn sharp. I use the 70–200 as a zoom, and I prefer it as a zoom in that range because for the shooting I do I can’t necessarily jump right up on stage and get into somebody’s face, but a lot of times that’ll get me close enough to get the shot I want, or I can crank around and get a wider shot that encompasses most of the stage, at 70 mm, at the distances I’m usually work at. And the same is true about going sort of wide angle. Now, one thing I’ve considered doing is swapping out the 24–70 wide with just a prime, like a 24–35 mm prime for doing wide. But that’s for the professional shooting and that’s not really going to translate well into the kinds of pictures you want to take. So let’s take another example. When I go out, when I go out hiking or I go out on the town, or I just go running around, I’ll take a 50 mm 1.4 fixed lens, and sometimes I’ll take a 135 f/2 lens. Because when you have a little bit of time to work a shot, when somebody’s not paying you and you have to get the shot immediately, you can always zoom with your feet, or most of the time you can zoom with your feet. And you have time and usually ability to get closer to things. I liked John’s comment last episode where — one rule of thumb about photography is that you can always get closer, and that will usually make the picture better. And I agree with that a lot. So when I’m out doing more casual shooting, I tend more towards the primes than the zooms. So the zooms for me are convenience factor when I’m in the work situation. But I love the image quality you get with a good prime. And the reason that it’s really nice to recommend primes to learning photographers like you is that it forces you to think about composition more than a zoom. Zooms, you can get lazy and you can think, oh, I’ll just zoom and get closer. And really you should think about where you are in relation to your subject. And then the other thing that’s nice is that you can get extremely good quality at a lower price. Zooms have all these elements and to get a really good quality zoom you put out big bucks. Whereas you can get really good quality prime lenses for fairly cheap, in comparison. So it’s kind of the best of all worlds for people who are learning and people who are just doing photography for the love of photography.

Gruber: All the major SLR companies, Pentax, Canon, Nikon, they all have a 50 mm prime lens that costs about $100, maybe even less. You can get the Canon f/1.8 for like $85. I think the Nikon is similarly priced. And it is, in my mind, the single biggest bargain in all of photography. I mean, because for $85 you can get a lens that is very fast, f/1.8, and optically is better than just about any zoom that any consumer would ever consider buying.

Davidson: Right. To match one of those primes typically you’d have to spend at least $1000 on a zoom.

Gruber: And I think it just never occurs to people because they think, “well, I want a zoom”, or they think, “for $85 how good is it?” But it really is a fantastic lens, it just happens to be the easiest lens to manufacture so that’s why the price is so low.

Benjamin: So if I was a new photographer, and I asked you this question when I was going through it, but I think it’s a — I want to hear both of your answers — a new photographer, starting out, they’re done with the point-and-shoot, they’re ready to go to a digital SLR, maybe they’re going with the Nikon D40 perhaps, or they’re going with the Canon Digital Rebel XTi. What lens should they be getting? Should they get the kit lens that comes with it, should they say “forget that, I want to get a prime lens”, and if so, what should they be getting?

Davidson: I waffle on this a little bit. I mean, to some degree, I would say go ahead and get the kit lens that comes with it because it’s a zoom, it’s a typically okay zoom, it’s not a great zoom, but if you’re outside in the daytime, it’ll work fine. And it’ll give you a few different focal lengths that go with the camera, and it’s usually about $100 added onto the price or maybe a bit more. But then I would also go ahead and just immediately jump in and get a 50. It’s the best $100 you can ever do for your photography, as John said. And then start looking wide or start looking tall if that’s the kind of thoughts that you’re having for your pictures. That would be my starting point. What about you, John?

Gruber: I think the same thing. I waffle on whether to advise people to get the kit lens or not, because it’s the same thing where I don’t really like — I can tell — I know far, far less about photography than you, but I can see the results when I just look at the pictures people take with them, especially indoors.

Davidson: Oh yeah, you can always see the kit lens, yeah.

Gruber: But like you said, it’s only $100. But, see, my thought is if you get it, you’re going to be tempted to use it when you should be using a prime lens, learning to be a better photographer. So I would just say, especially if you’ve already got a point-and-shoot that almost always has some kind of zoom on it, if you really want to say, I want to become an avid amateur, I would say get the body without the lens and get the $85 50 mm lens. And just use that even for just a month where you got the camera, it’s brand new, of course you’re going to use it because it’s your new toy, but just have that 50, make it be the only lens you bought with the camera and you’ll have to use it, and it’ll give better muscles, better photographer muscles.

Davidson: I can’t argue with that, that’s totally solid advice too.

Gruber: I just think the one thing that I’ve gotten better at in five or six years of amateur photography, the one thing if anything that I’ve gotten better at is framing. And I look back at some of my older pictures, and I just see people with heads cut off or just weird stuff in the framing, and I think, boy, I wish I would’ve taken a couple more shots of that scene from a different angle. And having a fixed lens that doesn’t zoom at all, it just makes you think about moving the camera. If you can zoom, you just think, well, I can zoom, and it gives you two things to think about. So just removing the idea, just having a lens that only does one focal length, it makes you think about moving the camera because there’s no other way to change the framing.

Davidson: Right. So I totally agree, if you’re wanting to get good at photography, definitely stick to primes. I think the one case where the zoom might be handy is when you go to Disneyland, and your wife wants to use the camera or your husband wants to use the camera, your significant other who’s not necessarily wanting to join you in this endeavor, and you can slap that on there for them and say, here you go, knock yourself out. They might be happy with that. But then again, maybe not. Maybe zooms are just overrated at that level.

Benjamin: It was just such a weird experience for me when I did put the 50 mm lens on there. As far as I can remember, at least in my entire adult life, all of the cameras I’ve had have always been able to zoom. And it’s the weirdest thing, having a very expensive, relatively speaking, a very expensive camera with a somewhat expensive lens on it, the 50 or the 28, and all it does is focus. I mean, I certainly understand that photos are much, much better than anything else I’ve ever taken, but it’s sort of weird, you almost feel like the camera isn’t doing something that you’re used to cameras doing if that makes sense. My whole life — oh yeah, I’ll just zoom in.

Gruber: And it’s just an unfortunate fact that it’s a big selling point. People buy cameras based on the zoom. I can’t tell you — as a guy who, like, my friends know that I’m a hobbyist photographer, I get asked questions “what camera I should buy” and sometimes they’ll ask me a question like, “Look, these are the two cameras I’m looking at, I’m leaning towards this one, but it’s only got a 10× zoom and the other one has 12×, do you think that’s all right?” And that’s just how they think. You’re just so, so thinking about the wrong factors. I don’t even know where to start.

Davidson: It’s kind of like the Korean cell phone manufacturers looking at the iPhone saying, “well, we’ve got all those features and more” and yet not getting it.

Gruber: Right, right. “We’ve got a camera, we’ve got a web browser. What more do you want?”

Davidson: Right. “We’ve got the feature list.” Yeah, it’s a total mind-bender when you have to really think about framing without zooming, and it’s actually hitting me again with this new camera that I’ve got. Different cameras have a different amount of crop that you see through the viewfinder. This is getting a little esoteric, but my 5D only showed about 96 or something percent of what actually hit the sensor. So you get used to, when you’re framing through the viewfinder that the resulting image is going to have a little bit of extra stuff around the edge that you didn’t see through the viewfinder. And this new 1D, it’s 100 percent. What you see through the viewfinder is exactly where that crop line is going to be when you see the image resulting, and I’m already having to reprogram my head a little bit to make sure that I have enough space around people. But framing is everything. And having this little experience today, just the last few days, but especially today, as I watch the photos come through the camera, it’s a mind-bender, again, so I can totally understand how not putting a zoom on would bend somebody’s head too. It’s a good way to bend it.

Gruber: So one last quick question about the new camera, the — what is it, 3D?

Davidson: 1D Mark III, yeah. Super badass.

Gruber: So one of the big differences, your previous work camera was the full-frame Canon, what’s it, the 5D?

Davidson: Yeah.

Gruber: And now you’ve gone back to a camera which has the smaller digital sensor. It just makes up for it in a bunch of different ways. But do you find that that throws you off a little bit in terms of your lens selection because now you’re having to deal with the crop factor again whereas all that time you spent with the 5D you weren’t?

Davidson: It’s tossed me a little bit off but not too much, and that’s because the crop factor is different. It’s a 1.3× crop factor vs. the 1.6× crop factor. They call it APS-H for some reason. And it turns out that the 1D has the biggest sensor that you can image in one pass off of current chip technology machines, or the chip imaging machines. Whereas the 5D sensor, they actually have to stitch in multiple exposures so the yield goes way down. But I haven’t found it to be such a problem, because it doesn’t shift my lenses around as much as the 1.6 multiplier does. So when I stick on my 78–200 lens, it’s not really affected too much. I basically have a slight bit of cropping to the image and that’s about it from what I expected before. So it’s not too bad. The place where it hurts me a little bit is on the wides, and that’s why I keep the — I mean, the 5D I’m going to keep for landscapes, and I’m also going to keep as my back-up camera and for doing the wide angle stuff because if you really want 24 mm or you really want 17 mm, you’ve got to have the full frame.

Gruber: And that’s like the one thing in all of the brand name wars in photography, that is the one thing that Canon has, is Canon is the only company with a full-frame DSLR.

Davidson: Right. There’s two big differences: one is the full frame, and the second is the sensitivity of the sensors. Canon really rocks when you get up into the ISO 800, 1600, 3200 ranges. Both Nikons and Canons are great at ISO 100, which is when you’re out shooting landscapes and whatnot. But the high ISO characteristics of the Canon is really, really awesome.

Benjamin: What do you think of the camera on the iPhone?

Davidson: It’s great for snapshots. [laughs] As a camera, it sucks. It records images and if what you’re wanting is to make sure that you remember an event or remember somebody or a place for yourself, it’s perfectly serviceable.

Gruber: Do you find that it has a really weird white balance? I get the greenish-blue tint to almost every picture I take with it. Almost.

Davidson: It’s got a wonky white balance, yes.

Gruber: I’ll bet that that’s software. I mean, I’m hoping that that gets adjusted in a software update. Because I would think that the white balance is controlled by software, that it’s not part of the camera chip. Maybe it is, I don’t know. And I see pictures on Flickr from iPhones and it’s just rampant, this sort of sickly green fluorescent tone to pictures.

Davidson: Seems like they really optimized it for taking pictures under fluorescent lights. But yeah, it’s a little weird. It also has a lot of bloom, so if you have a bright area, you get all the lighting of the area around the bright areas. But I’ve found it pretty good if you’re out in daylight. I’ve had a lot of fun with it, just taking snaps and uploading them.

Gruber: What do you think of where the button is? I can’t stand where the shutter button is.

Benjamin: Horrible.

Davidson: The whole soft button thing, yeah, I hate it. I’m not sure I hate it because it’s a soft button, but I hate the location of it, for sure.

Gruber: And I think the worst thing about it — maybe they were thinking, because it’s right above the home button, which is the physical button, and maybe they were thinking, well, we’ll put it above the home button so you can feel it, it’s right above there. But what I found is that I keep hitting the home button by accident, and then I leave the camera app and go back to the iPhone home screen.

Davidson: I do that all the time. I wish you just tapped the screen to take the picture.

Benjamin: Anywhere on the screen.

Davidson: Because if you tap the screen, it does nothing. So might as well do something with that click.

Gruber: That’s the best solution, that’s the easiest solution, the best thing I’ve heard.

Benjamin: Who do we have to tell to implement that?

Gruber: I don’t know, we need someone with a popular Mac weblog, or something.

Davidson: [laughs]

Benjamin: So speaking of weblogs, Duncan has a weblog, he’s got a website, redoing it again. You almost redo it as much as I do.

Davidson: Well, that’s because both of us enjoy the challenge of it.

Benjamin: So it’s duncandavidson.com, right?

Davidson: Yep.

Benjamin: That’s the main one or is that the blog now?

Davidson: That’s everything. I had the blog separate because I was running over on Typepad and I nixed that, and it’s all collapsed down. So if you go to blog.duncandavidson.com, I do the Daring Fireball trick and just send you to duncandavidson.com and that’s it.

Benjamin: So if I want to hire you for a wedding or bar mitzvah to come out and take some pictures, you’re not doing it, you’re not available?

Davidson: [laughs] I’ve not actually done a wedding, I’ve done lots of events, but no weddings so far. So I would be a little hesitant unless that was somebody I really knew so that we could work through that and be a little bit less of a “oh my god, I’m dealing with a client I don’t know”.

Benjamin: Well, we’ve got to wrap it up. I don’t know how I’m going to edit this down, John.

Gruber: I don’t know, that’s your problem. I am so — I have never been happier that we worked it out that you do the editing and I just show up for the show and talk. Because I think we’ve been talking for about three hours here.

Benjamin: It’s been three and a half hours, 3 hours 38 minutes.

Gruber: It’s great, we’ll have lots of footage for our eventual director’s cut, complete, uncut The Talk Show DVD.

Benjamin: Right.

Davidson: There’s some edits you can make. Thinking back, there’s a few places I can think that you can cut down, but still.

Benjamin: Pretty much wherever John is talking.

Gruber: I was going to say the same thing but about yours.

Benjamin: Right. So the three things I think people need to remember today: James Duncan Davidson, 37signals, Insanely Great Tees. That’s it. If you leave nothing else, just remember those three things. And 50 mm.

Gruber: 50 mm fixed prime lens.

Davidson: 50 mm. 24, 35, any of those. Just fixed, fixed, fixed. [somebody talks into a megaphone in the background]

Benjamin: What is that in the background?

Gruber: I think James is getting arrested.

Davidson: Yeah, that would be security coming by.

Benjamin: It’s very sort of NPR of us to have that stuff in the background.

Gruber: I’ll call a lawyer.

Davidson: Yeah, and I have to say, it’s a bit embarrassing that I’m speaking on my laptop microphone after John took so much grief over his.

Benjamin: No, he was speaking into a high-quality microphone, he just had it in the closet.

Davidson: Ahh.

Gruber: The weird thing is that I actually sounded worse with a better microphone because I apparently wasn’t close enough to it.

Benjamin: Yeah, spend a few hundred bucks on a mic and you actually degrade the quality of his sound. We’ll end. We’re pretty much done.

Davidson: I think so, but it was a lot of fun doing this, guys. [somebody still talks into a megaphone in the background]

Gruber: Yeah, it was great, thanks.

Benjamin: I’m just so entertained by that sound in the background.

Davidson: [laughs]

Benjamin: Maybe there’s a filter I can put over what we’re saying right now that’ll make it sound like that.

Davidson: Maybe so, or maybe you can sample it out and have it running through the entire podcast.

Benjamin: I think it was anyway.

Davidson: Well, I’m running away from it, so it’s well in the background now.

Benjamin: All right, guys, we’re done.

Gruber: Thanks.

Davidson: Thanks, man.

Benjamin: See you later.

Davidson: Ciao.

Benjamin: We don’t have to even hang up if we don’t want.

Davidson: [laughs]

[moonlitgleek]

Do you think Ned Stark was successful in anything? Your metas heavily emphasize his failures, faults, and shortcomings. Do you think there was anything he was good at other than being viewed as a good man and moral? I don't see many people acknowledging positive aspects of him-other than he loved his family and was relatively a 'good' person, but that seems to be done more to lighten the criticism of him. Why is he so beloved in the book if he was such a fuck up to his family and the North?

Um, should I not criticize him where criticism is due? Or when an issue he did not handle properly is being discussed? I criticize Ned but I do not denounce him. It’s not that I’m heavily emphasizing his faults but there are places where Ned erred, even if it was sympathetic or understandable in some occasions. I’m generally against considering only one aspect of Ned’s personality as an indication of who he is as a whole, be them his virtues or his faults. My analysis of his motivations or his actions in a certain event isn’t a blanket condemnation of the character or any attempt to argue that he is a fuck up or a bad person. Flawed, certainly, but not bad. Far from it actually. The text itself criticizes Ned  because he, like every other character GRRM writes, is not a saint. He is one of the good ones, but he is not an impeccable untouchable paragon of all that’s good and right. He stands out, certainly, since he is sometimes the only person to speak up against some truly vile things (like the fight with Robert over his condoning of Elia and her children’s murder, or the one over Robert’s command to assassinate a pregnant Daenerys, in which he was joined by Barristan Selmy) but, well, Mycah.

I can’t really speak for the entire fandom, neither do I know what tone the conversation around Ned usually takes, but for me, Ned’s merits and morals and successes are explicitly laid all over the text so I don’t usually feel the need to argue for them. This is the guy who is reputed for his honor across all of Westeros, who garnered the epithet of the honorable Ned Stark. Everyone, friend or foe, make a mention of his morals and honor. And it’s not that he is good at “being viewed” as moral, he genuinely is. Ned Stark is the last person who would perform morality or honor. We’re inside the man’s head, we see his thought process, this is his character and his moral code.

The narrative gives us two contrasting ideologies in Tywin Lannister’s and Ned Stark’s to serve as foils to each other, and then goes to bat for Ned’s. It’s a part of a larger body of stories that is meant to make a statement about the importance of upholding values and believing in ideals even when corrupt institutions and individuals ridicule and distort them, or even use them against you. A corrupt system can’t take your ideals away from you, no matter what. Ned’s story falls right in line with this message. His ideals win. His political theory wins. He wins. How can he, then, be considered a failure?

In-universe, it’s Ned’s legacy that has so many factions fighting for his children’s rights right now. Even Stannis, who does not like Ned and resents the hell out of him, expresses a lot of respect for him and admits to his value and morals. Throughout their stories, the Starklings encounter people who help, support and trust them right off the bat because they are Ned’s. Alys Karstark goes to Jon for protection because he is Ned Stark’s son. The mountain clans choose to die for “the Ned’s little girl”. Meera and Jojen Reed pledge heart and hearth and harvest and swords to Winterfell. The support Jon and Robb gain at the very start is in no small part due to them being Ned’s. This isn’t solely about the Stark name, this is specifically about the character of Eddard Stark and the way he ruled the North. You simply don’t inspire that level of loyalty and love if you’re a failure.

It’s true the Starks are revered in the North for protecting their people and being just plain generous (e.g: their long-lived tradition of taking in people in the winter town in wintertime to share with them the advantages of Winterfell’s higher technology of the glass gardens and hot springs, the benefit of which makes the difference between life and death in winter) but not only does Ned uphold that model, he capitalizes on it. You can easily see why he’d be so loved when you learn of the way he treated his lessers from minor nobles to the servants, and the apparent respect and engagement he showed to both his vassals and his household. Ned took care to foster loyalty in his people, employed a ruling theory based on having his vassals’ respect and admiration, and impressed the importance of doing that on his kids.

The Starklings’ behavior and ideals reflect Ned’s successes with them as much as it bears his mistakes. These kids’ value system is largely shaped by his teachings and it’s his moral code they try to follow. They aspire to (and do) follow his example. They are all, sometimes consciously, sometimes not, falling back on Ned’s teachings and model of behavior. They have a constant thread of “What Would Eddard Stark Do?” running through various storylines; a part of it is expected childish idolization of their father, for sure, but these kids also recognize that his morals and ideals are sound, and his example is a pretty good one to follow.Ned, by and large, shaped their personalities (some more than the others, obviously) and his influence is always there. The way Robb invites a different bannerman to ride with him everyday, which is echoed by Bran back in Winterfell, comes from Ned. Sansa’s absolute belief in the strategy of inspiring loyalty through love comes from Ned. Jon and Arya’s sense of justice comes from Ned. Their collective sense of responsibility and recognition of the value of every individual life comes from Ned.

Unfortunately, we get so little interaction between Ned and his children but what we do get, combined by how his kids think of him, tell of a loving, approachable and available father. He listened to his children and demonstrated a willingness to let their arguments and wishes change his mind in a way that isn’t exactly common in Westeros (e.g: listening to Jon’s argument and allowing the kids to keep the direwolves after he initially refused Bran, hiring Syrio to train Arya and planning to offer for him to accompany them back to Winterfell). Ned clearly did not see his children as investments or marriage pawns to be used to bolster his own power which is pretty rare in Westeros. He was attentive and protective of them and of their right to be children. He was very hands-on when it comes to his boys’ education, and his teaching method was pretty good; he taught by example, for starters, and he explained why he does something and what meaning lies behind his actions.

And we can’t talk about the kind of man Ned is without talking about what he did for Jon. To be clear, I’m highly critical of how Ned handled things with Jon but I’m not unaware that Ned’s choice to give Jon a relatively good life with excellent education and a family that (mostly) loved him came at no small expense to Ned and his marriage. He did not have to raise Jon in Winterfell to honor his promise to Lyanna (as far as we know anyway since we don’t know the exact promise Ned made.) He could have let Jon disappear into the Neck with Howland, but he chose to assume responsibility for the kid himself. He chose to give Jon an education on par with Robb’s and raise his biological children to love their ostensible bastard brother. Not many men would choose to do so. I’ll give credit where credit is due.

So no, anon, I definitely do not think Ned is a failure, far from it. But he was still a Westerosi man raised in a patriarchal society and wasn’t immune to its rigid rules and prejudices. He was still someone who made mistakes with his kids - he simply did not have any sensible choice in some places in the narrative, which has to be taken into account when we discuss him, but we also have to acknowledge that he was someone who dealt with trauma and situations out of his control by avoiding thinking about them entirely. His protectiveness and desire to keep his children close, and keep them children, did impair a realistic planning for their future while his tendency to compartmentalize to deal with his trauma or guilt directly affected at least Jon and Sansa. But Ned, like everybody in either the fictional or the real world, succeeded and failed; he made good decisions and very very bad ones; he loved and championed and protected his children but also failed them. Being a good father or a good lord or a good person does not exempt him from making grievous mistakes, and those mistakes do not make him a failure or a bad person. It’s the totality of his actions and the context of said actions that determine the kind of person Ned was.