#i have so many ‘aesthetic’ pictures from this trip but i think i’ve been stuck in the mindset of only posting selfies

[weareamarvel]

views from the summit

[beautiful-songbird]

Sweet Talker

Pairing: Jin x OC

Genre: fluff, angst

Word count: 9.8k

Warnings: drinking, lots of shirtless dudes, brief mention of skinny dipping? (does that need a warning?)

Lyrics: Sometimes all I think about is you…late nights in the middle of June. - Heat Waves by Glass Animals

Summary: Isabelle is stuck working on a beach this summer, which wouldn’t be so bad, but everything about it reminds her of her first love.  To make matters worse…it seems he decided to take a trip to said beach this summer.

A/N: special thanks to @jiminie-and-his-pinky-finger for the banner ^^

I opened the minifridge in the back of the snack bar.  The beach was hotter today than it usually was, and everyone was running to the snack bar in search of cold drinks.  I just wanted to be on the beach.  Working on the beach was a pretty good alternate if I couldn’t be swimming, though.  I could’ve been stuck stocking shelves at a grocery store today instead, which was definitely not something I wanted to be doing.

Once I’d rang up the customer, I leaned against the counter.  As much as I loved the beach, I really didn’t want to be here.  I’d seen it every year, time and time again, but it always reminded me of the boy I’d met the year I was fourteen.  And to be frank, I hated remembering him.

My family lived less than a mile from the beach, so we’d spent nearly every day of the summer at the beach when I was younger.  I hadn’t minded much.  I’d loved the beach back then.  This particular summer, a certain teenage boy and his family had come to spend a whole month at the beach.  Being fourteen, I had been more outgoing than I was now, so I’d taken my chances and spoken to the boy, and of course, we’d spent the rest of the month together.

That had been six years ago, but I foolishly still wished to see him again.  Because of it, I tended to avoid the beach now.  As much as I loved it, I felt strange knowing I still liked a guy I’d known for a month many, many years ago.  I was an adult now.  I should’ve been able to get over a silly crush I had as a kid long ago.

I sighed and tugged off my apron after noticing what time it was.  My break had started.  I pulled the little palm tree pin out of my bun and set it down on top of my apron.  In my opinion, they tried a little too hard to sell the beach aesthetic to travelers.  The whole place was littered with pictures of palm trees and coconuts, and we didn’t even grow coconuts here!

Once I was outside the snack bar, I pulled my phone out to find about sixty texts from my best friend, Ellie.

“Isa.  How’s the snack bar?  I can’t believe you’re enjoying the beach without me!  Save me a pineapple slushie.  Mateo is working today.  And he is (hot).  Why did you never tell me?  Did you know that the music store has whole pianos?  Like, big, big ones!  Isa answer your texts pleaseeeee.”

Ellie was spending her summer working at the music shop, so I wasn’t quite sure how she hadn’t known they sold pianos until now.  I laughed as I scrolled through the flurry of emojis Ellie had sent before I finally responded.

“You already knew Mateo was hot.  You’ve been pining over him since we were in high school.”

“Oh, look, Isabelle is alive!”

I rolled my eyes.

“Yes, I have a ten-minute break.  We’ve had lots of customers today because of how hot it is.”

“You better get a tan for me since I can’t spend my summer on the beach.”

“I’m not in the sun much.”

“I don’t care.  Get a tan.”

I laughed, looking up from my phone for a moment to glance around at the beach.  I watched as people played on the shore and swam in the ocean.  There was a game of volleyball going on, and there were a few people surfing.  I paused as I came across one particular young man standing on the beach.  He looked oddly familiar.  He turned around then, and my eyes widened.  Jin.  I glanced back down at my phone for just long enough to type out a text to Ellie.

“I’ve gotta go.  Text you after work.”

I didn’t bother waiting for Ellie’s response before I bolted back into the snack bar.  What on earth was Jin doing here?  He hadn’t been here for six years, so why was he here the one year I was working on the beach?

It would be ok.  I could survive the next four hours and just hope he wouldn’t wander over here, and then I could go home.  Surely he wouldn’t be here the next day, right?  His grandparents lived here, so maybe they wanted to do something with him other than hang out on the beach?

Sadly, the world was against me, and Jin was at the beach the next morning.  Not only that, but he also decided to come over the snack bar.  As he approached, I realized that there was really no way he wouldn’t recognize me.  I looked almost exactly the same as I had six years ago, just a bit more mature.  And it wasn’t like I could escape and leave the work to someone else, either.  No one else was working with me today.

I was mentally planning about five different ways to bury myself in the ground when Jin walked up to the stand.

“Hi, Isabelle!  It’s been a while!”

Well, dang it.  I wasn’t getting out of this now.

“Hi!” I said a bit too enthusiastically. “Jin, right?”

“Uh…yeah.  We hung out together that one summer?  Remember?”

“Oh,” I laughed nervously. “Yes, of course.  I remember.”

He smiled. “Well, it’s nice to see you.  It’s been a long while.  You look…gorgeous.”

I glanced down at my work clothes and considered the bun I’d sloppily put in my hair that morning. “Sure, buddy.” Out of all the things I could’ve said in response, why had I said that?

He cleared his throat, and I had to keep herself from looking down at his bare chest.  The last time we’d seen each other, he’d preferred to wear swim shirts.  He clearly wasn’t fifteen anymore.

“Is there anything you’d like to order?” I asked.

“Do you guys have beer?”

Beer?  Who did he think he was, an adult?  Oh, wait, he was twenty-one.  He was an adult….

“Yeah, we have three different kinds,” I informed him, taking one of each out of the minifridge and placing them all in front of him.

“Do you have an opinion on them?”

“Um.  Jin, I can’t drink yet.”

He snapped his fingers. “Right.  You’re a year younger than I am.” He picked up the one on the right. “I’ll just take this one, then.  How much do I owe you?”

“Three bucks.”

“For the little thing?  Wow!” he placed three dollars on the counter and popped the can open.

“Yeah, we have to stay in business somehow,” I told him as I put the money in the cash register.

“That’s true,” he nodded. “Well, see you around!”

I nodded, secretly hoping that I could save myself the embarrassment and never, ever have to see him again.

Ellie was beyond enthused when I told her what had happened that evening.

“This is the Jin?  Like Jin who wore his swim trunks inside out at the beach Jin?”

I thought about this for a few seconds.  I didn’t recall such a thing happening. “Do we know more than one Jin?”

“You don’t remember that?  It was on your birthday!”

“Was it?”

“Yeah.  Your mom made him walk all the way back to his grandparents’ house to change.”

“I suppose I may remember this vaguely.” I took a deep breath. “What do I do?”

“You ask him on a date, silly!”

I looked at Ellie like she was crazy. “No.”

Ellie sighed. “Are you ever going to go on a date?  You’ve never been on a date with anyone.  And Jin’s not even from here, so if the date goes badly, he’s leaving in a month!  You’ll never have to see him again!”

Part of me wondered just what would happen if the date went well, though.  He would be leaving then too, and I’d be left adrift after spending a summer with a guy I’d fallen in love with.  Again.

“Yeah, and if the date goes bad, the two of us will still be spending every day on the same beach together.  I can’t risk it.”

“Why not?”

Ellie clearly wasn’t understanding, so I pulled out the only card I knew to play in this situation.

“Are you going to ask Mateo out?”

Ellie considered this for a few moments.  Then she shrugged. “Maybe.”

“See?  You’re not sure either!  So how about we both just not ask them out at move on with life?  We don’t need men to fulfill our lives.”

Ellie took this as an invitation to ask Mateo out and use her success as an excuse for me to ask Jin out, though, so that card didn’t work the way I’d expected it to.  No matter what she said, I wouldn’t cave.  I wouldn’t go on a date with Jin.  I wouldn’t.  I just needed to get over this dumb crush before the summer was over so that I could go back to my normal life once university started up again in the fall.  I could live the rest of my life without Jin.  There were plenty of nice guys at the university anyways.  I was sure I could date one of them and be far happier than I’d be in a long-distance relationship.

Every day at the snack bar was excruciatingly long as I tried my best to avoid Jin.  I just knew I’d say something stupid to him if I was given the chance, so I wasn’t going to give myself that chance.

Part of me really wanted him to return and talk to me again, though.  I felt like that silly fourteen-year-old all over again who swooned at just about anything he said.  I didn’t like that feeling.  It made me feel out of control, and I preferred to have control over everything in my life.  Every time my heart jumped in my chest when I saw him, I reminded myself that this would all be over in four weeks.  He wasn’t staying, and I wasn’t going to let him take my heart with him.  Not if I had anything to say about it.

The bad thing was that it seemed the beach was not the only place I had to avoid him.  He was everywhere I went.  He shopped at the same supermarket as me, he was eating at my favorite restaurant, and he was even using the same gym as me.  Who went to the gym in this town, anyways?  You could walk everywhere in town, and the beach gave you more of a workout than the gym ever could.  Walking through sand was definitely more of a workout than walking the track.  Saying this makes me sound like a hypocrite for having a gym membership, though, so I’ll explain myself: the gym was supposed to be my safe haven from Jin.  I also still hated the beach even in the off season, so it was more reasonable to go there than to the beach.  No one needs a winter tan, right?

I wouldn’t admit it to anyone, but I had stopped for more than a few seconds to watch him lift weights one morning at the gym.  It didn’t mean anything, though.  He just had nice biceps.  Other than that, I was avoiding him.  At least, that was what I told myself.  I wasn’t exactly doing everything I could to avoid him.  I definitely didn’t stop in the chips aisle at the store to stare at him.  And I didn’t sit three booths down from him at the burger place and watched him eat.  I also hadn’t bought a pair of binoculars to watch him at the beach.

Ok, so admittedly, Jin was making me do crazy things.  I blamed it on the fourteen-year-old inside of me who was floored at the thought of possibly dating her crush.  He wasn’t my crush, though.  Definitely not.

“I made a really good call on that beer last week.  It was actually pretty good.”

“Oh, really?” I asked, leaning against the counter like I hadn’t been watching him playing volleyball with a few other guys just three minutes earlier. “Would you like to buy another one?”

“Actually, can I buy four?  One of my friends kept stealing the last one I bought, so I’m just going to get one for each of us.”

I laughed. “Of course.  I’ll get you four of them.  That’s twelve dollars.”

He pulled out a few bills and handed them to me before picking the drinks up off the counter. “Thanks!  I’ll be back for something else later,” he said with a wink.

I wanted to punch my heart for beating faster at that small motion.  He was just a guy.  A really hot guy, but just a guy.  There wasn’t really anything that made him stand out from all the other guys on the beach this summer.  He was just a guy I’d known for a month in high school and never seen again.

Ok, so I was doing a really bad job at convincing myself I didn’t have a crush on him anymore.  Maybe I needed to get away.  We were about a half an hour drive from the mainland, and I could totally take a day or two off work for some time to myself.

So, that’s exactly what I did.  I took Friday off that week so that I could have three whole days on the mainland.  A vacation was just what I needed.  Jin would be off my mind, and I wouldn’t be sweating through my clothes for hours on end.  Come to think of it, I should’ve gotten a different summer job.  Staring at shirtless guys for hours on end was someone’s cup of tea, but that someone was not me.

Ellie wanted to join me on my little trip, but I was convinced I needed some time to myself, so I left her with her new boyfriend.  That was ok.  The two of them could spend a lot of time together while I wasn’t there.  They didn’t get to spend a lot of time together outside the music store because Ellie spent all her free time with me.

I packed a little bag.  I wouldn’t need much for two nights, right?  Generally, I had a tendency to overpack, but I wasn’t giving in this time.  I was packing light, and I was leaving my dog with my parents.  I could spend two nights without him.

The drive to the mainland was far more insane than I’d expected it to be.  There were so, so many cars on the road.  How had I not realized this many people visited our tiny island during the summer?  Sure, I saw many unfamiliar faces every day, but it had never occurred to me that there were this many unfamiliar faces.

By the time I arrived on the mainland, it was nearly noon.  I hadn’t gotten out of the house until ten, and the traffic had been horrendous.  I was ready for some lunch.

I found a little surf n’ turf shop near my hotel, and just about everything on the menu looked tasty.  I was pretty wiped out from all the driving.  I always was.  It wasn’t often I drove more than a mile, so being in a car for two hours had been really exhausting.

It was only when I sat down to eat that I spotted Jin sitting at one of the tables.  I recognized two of the guys sitting with him as guys who lived in town, and there was one guy I didn’t recognize.  I blinked slowly as I plopped down into my seat.  I’d come here to escape Jin, and he was sitting three tables down from me!  I wanted to scream.  Then, my worst nightmare happened.  One of the guys patted Jin on the shoulder and pointed my way.  Jin turned around and smiled as he waved at me.

“Isabelle!  Come sit with us!”

I would’ve said no, but I was too socially awkward to stand up for myself, so I crossed the room and sat between Jin and one of the other guys.

“You’re the snack stand girl, right?” the guy sitting to my right asked.

I smiled at him. “Yeah, I work at the snack bar.”

He grinned. “How have I never had that beer before?  I swear I’ve shopped at your snack stand.”

I shrugged.  I briefly remembered this guy’s name as Yoongi or something, but I couldn’t be sure it was the same person.  There were quite a few young men living on the island, and I certainly didn’t know all of them.

“Hey, you got the crab?” Jin asked. “Awesome.  Is it good?”

I didn’t want to admit to him that I hadn’t even tried it yet, so I shoved a hushpuppy in my mouth as I broke one of the crab legs.

“What are you doing up here, Isabelle?” Yoongi asked. “Your name is Isabelle, right?  I’m remembering that correctly?”

I nodded. “I’m on a vacation,” I mumbled around a bite of food.

“Are you gonna be back in town by Sunday night?  One of my friends is throwing a party on the beach that night.  You should come.”

“Ohh.  Sounds fun.”

“Yoongi’s right.  You should come with us,” Jin nodded.

“Oh?” I asked with a mumble.

Now all four guys were staring at me expectantly, and I didn’t have the courage to say no.

“I suppose I could come.”

“Great!” Jin grinned. “Do you still live where you used to?  I could pick you up.”

“Oh, you don’t have to-”

“Yeah, she still lives there,” Yoongi assured him, nodding.

How on earth did he know where I lived?  Sure, the town was small, but I didn’t know where he lived.  Then again, I hadn’t even really seen him until today, and if Jin was talking about me, he probably knew who I was.  I didn’t ask questions and instead elected to just eat my crab.

“Isabelle, have you ever been to pier?” Jin asked a few minutes later.

I looked up at him. “We have a pier?”

So, I found myself on the pier with four guys I barely knew.  Maybe that wasn’t the smartest idea, but I didn’t care.  They all had to be ok guys if they knew Jin.  At least, if Jin was still the same guy I’d known six years ago.  Ok, so maybe this was still a bad idea.  It was ok, though.  Jin and Yoongi both seemed to really enjoy fishing, and their friends were fine with watching while getting their occasional turns.

“Have you ever tried fishing?” Jin asked as he threw his line out again.

“Me?  Nope.”

“You should try it.” He reeled the line back in and handed me the pole.

I stared at it for a few moments. “Um…so, what do I do?”

“Here,” he stepped behind me and reached for the pole. “May I?”

Truthfully, if it had been anyone else, I would’ve said no, but this was Jin, and the fourteen-year-old inside me was absolutely ecstatic at the thought of Jin pressing his chest to my back to help me fish.  My heart was jumping in my chest too, and I momentarily wondered if he’d be able to feel it.

“Yeah.  Please.”

He wrapped his hands around mine and guided me through casting the line.  I had to admit that I wasn’t sure I could do this by myself if he let me.

“See?  You’ve got it.”

I shook my head. “I really don’t.”

He laughed. “Ok.  I’ll stay here.”

I felt a tug on the pole a few moments later, and I grinned. “Oh my gosh!  Did we catch something?”

I was holding a little tiny fish a few moments later.

“Look at it!  It’s so adorable!”

Jin smiled. “Yeah, it is.”

I looked around. “Hey…where did the boys go?”

“We’d had enough of watching you two being all lovey-dovey,” Yoongi informed us when we found the three of them way down at the other end of pier a few minutes later.

I laughed awkwardly as I realized what he was implying. “Well, I had some other things I planned to do today, so….  I’m going to head out now.  It was awesome fishing with you guys, although I have to admit I was so awful at it I’m not sure I’ll do it again.  Um…yeah.  See you guys Sunday!”

Then I ran off before I had another chance to embarrass myself.

The rest of the weekend was spent doing whatever I could find on the mainland.  I had to admit, there really wasn’t much to do here.  Our little island had more interesting things to do than this place did.  And it had my favorite snow cone shop, which was arguably the most important thing to have in your day-to-day life.  Especially when you lived on an island off South Carolina.  Nothing was more important than snow cones and surfing.  Or shark fishing, if you were Ellie’s dad.

I headed back home as soon as I checked out of my hotel on Sunday.  I’d planned on staying longer, but I couldn’t really think of anything else to do.

As soon as I got back into town, I headed straight for the music store.  Ellie was working today, and I figured she could use some company.  Except that she clearly didn’t, considering she and Mateo were making out behind the counter when I walked in.

“Whoa, lovebirds, not during office hours,” I complained, announcing my presence.

Ellie shoved her boyfriend away and spun around. “Ohhh heyyyyy.  What are you doing here?  I thought you were in Bluffton until this evening?”

“Uh, yeah, I was supposed to be.  That place was awfully boring, I have to admit.  There was nearly nothing to do besides go to Walmart!”

“That doesn’t sound so bad.”

“When you have nothing to do but shop at Walmart for two days, it’s pretty bad.  And, you won’t believe this, Jin was there with three of his friends.”

“He was at Walmart?”

“No, Ellie!  I-” I shook my head. “He was in Bluffton on Friday.”

Ellie grinned. “Awesome.  Did you say hi to him?”

“Yeah.  I ate dinner with them and then we went to a fishing pier and fished for a while.”

“Ooo.  Did you guys do anything?”

“…we fished.” I squinted.  I could see where she was going with this. “Ok, actually, I’m going to go home.  I have a party to get ready for anyways.”

I could faintly hear Ellie asking what party, but it didn’t matter, because I was already out the door.

When I got home, I practically overturned my closet looking for an outfit.  I had no idea what to wear.  What was the dress code for beach parties?  I’d lived on an island my entire life, but I’d never gone to a beach party.  That sounded absolutely ridiculous, but it was the truth.  Unless you counted the birthday party my aunt threw for my cousin when he turned six.  That didn’t seem like the same thing, though.

I finally settled on a tank top and some skimpy shorts over my bathing suit.  Considering this was by the beach, we were definitely going to be swimming.  And if not, I could always just look hot in a bathing suit.  My body wasn’t exactly what the locals called a beach body, but who cares?

Jin picked me up at five-thirty on the dot.  I liked that a little too much.  Punctuality tickled some part of my brain that was most likely feeding my want for perfection at all times.  As I slid into the sports car, something occurred to me.

“Is this your car?”

“Yeah.  I live upstate now, so I drove down here.  Taking a plane would’ve taken just as much time out of my day.”

I laughed. “South Carolina is a long way from Arizona.”

“That it is,” he nodded. “My parents got tired of the weather being in the hundreds so often, and my dad got a new job a few years ago.”

“I see,” I nodded. “My parents still rent out beach houses for a living.  And my mom works at that jewelry shop.”

“Awesome.  You’ll have to take me down there and pick out some earrings for me.” He flicked his earlobe, and for the first time ever I noticed the earrings in his ears.

I gasped. “When did you get your ears pierced?”

“Tenth grade.  All the boys from drama club made a pact and we got our ears pierced together,” he laughed. “I haven’t had a clip-on fall off my ear since.”

“Wow, are you sure you’re the Jin I met six years ago?”

He shrugged. “I always imagined you working at the Piggly Wiggly instead of on the beach, so I’m not sure I know you either.”

I snapped my fingers. “Actually, I did apply there.  Working on the beach is nice, though.”

“Do you think we’ll get to see the stars tonight?”

“Oh yeah.  The beach is the best place to see stars as long as the vacationers aren’t using strobe lights on their decks.”

“Strobe lights?” he asked in shock.

I nodded. “You’d be surprised what goes on.  One time, I saw a drunk couple in their forties skinny dipping at one am.  I was horrified.  I haven’t been to the beach past ten since.”

Jin laughed. “Remind me to never get drunk by a body of water.”

I nodded. “If you do, I’m driving you straight home.”

It wasn’t long before we were parking near the beach, and the two of us walked the rest of the way to the party.  One of Yoongi’s friends had parents who owned a beach house, and he was hosting the party there tonight.  The bad thing was that his driveway had room for about three cars, so the rest of us had to park about a mile away.

“Yooooo, Tin Jin!  You made it!” a tall guy with blond hair exclaimed as he hugged Jin.

“I told you not to call me that,” Jin grimaced as the guy crushed him.

“I told you it was because of the bucket you had on your head last week.”

Jin shook his head. “Still don’t call me that.  Jin is fine, though.”

The guy nodded, seeming to get the memo this time. “Yoongi’s in the kitchen.”

There turned out to be a very large stash of snacks in the kitchen, so the three of us ate as Yoongi and Jin chatted.

“Hey, Isabelle, your birthday is soon, right?” Jin asked eventually.

I smiled. “Yeah, next week, actually.”

“You’re turning twenty-one, right?  We’ve gotta get you some alcohol.”

I laughed and shook my head. “That’s ok.  You don’t need to do that.”

“Come on,” Yoongi nudged my shoulder. “There’s got to be something you want to try.  Beer?  Wine?  Whiskey?”

“Actually, wine sounds good.” I shrugged. “Maybe champagne too.”

“Ah, the lady does have demands,” Jin teased. “Anything in particular?  Or should we just choose something random?”

“Hey, whatever you find is fine.  I don’t plan on getting too drunk, so just don’t go wild with your options.”

“All right.  Is there anything else you’d like to do?  The last time I was at your party was when you were fifteen, so I’m sure you’re not too interested in everything rainbow themed anymore.”

I glared at him. “We don’t talk about that.”

“So…the answer is yes, then?”

“You’re mean.”

“You were at her fifteenth?” Yoongi asked.

Jin nodded. “I was here in June.”

“You didn’t come to my fifteenth!”

“Yeah, cause it was in March,” Jin stated matter-of-factly. “I had school.”

“It was over spring break.”

“And I lived on the other side of the country.  It’s ok.  I was here for your twenty-first.”

Yoongi shook his head.  Then he looked at me. “Look, he was already more committed to you than he was to me at fifteen.”

I glanced between the two of them. “I beg to differ.  You two know each other far better than I know either of you.”

“You didn’t tell her about the great meltdown of 2018?”

Jin reached across the counter to shove Yoongi’s arm.

“What?  What are you talking about?” I asked.

Jin laughed. “It’s nothing.”

Yoongi blew out a long breath. “I wouldn’t say that visiting every house in that neighborhood was nothing.”

“Yoongi!”

Yoongi looked at me. “Did you really never find out?”

I was still confused.  Did he mean Jin had been looking for my house?  If so, why?  The two of us had made no point of keeping in contact after we were fifteen, but he’d come looking for me two years later?

“Yeah.  You guys were out of town that week.  Did the neighbors never tell you?”

I shook my head.  I’d never heard anything of this.

“Yoongi,” Jin said through gritted teeth. “Shut up.”

Yoongi leaned back against the counter and crossed his arms before smiling. “Ok.  I’ll shut up.”

I shoved about five more grapes into my mouth so that I didn’t say something stupid.  Had Jin spent the past six years missing me too?  Was I not totally insane for being in love with a guy I’d known for a month?  The thought of him reciprocating my feelings made me feel even more insane.  There was no way he did.  Yoongi had to be lying.  Except…Jin was rather mad at him for saying all of that.

“You said there’s a pool out back?” I asked after I’d swallowed all those grapes.

Yoongi nodded, so I abandoned the two of them and left my clothes on one of the beach chairs before jumping in the pool.  Most of the guests had decided the beach was better than the pool, apparently, because there was one other person in this pool.

After completely soaking myself in water, I sat in the hot tub for probably longer than was healthy.  When the hot tub didn’t feel hot anymore, I jumped back into the pool, which now felt ice cold.  I squeaked as the water soaked through my swimsuit.  I shouldn’t have come tonight.  I was headed back to Columbia in two months, so the two of us would be split up regardless of whether he was here or home with his parents.

Eventually I found myself soaking wet and laying on a pool chair as I stared up at the stars.  I had been right.  The stars looked great from here, especially where there weren’t streetlights blocking my view.  Why didn’t we take advantage of our beach houses more often?  Sure, we rented them out to people, but there were the occasional nights that no one was staying there.

It was only then that I realized how late it really was.  One check of my phone confirmed that it was already nine.  How long had I spent in the pool, exactly?

That night, I laid in my bed wide awake after successfully washing and combing all the chlorine from the pool out of my hair.  Jin had come looking for me years ago.  I’d never even tried.  His grandparents had lived down the block from me this whole time, and not once had I thought to go over there and ask for his contact information.  How stupid was I?

I rolled around in bed, considering everything that had happened in the past few days.  Jin had to like me.  Why else would Yoongi be making all these random comments otherwise?  I didn’t know how to feel about this.  On the one hand, I wanted to date Jin.  On the other hand…were long-distance relationships during university really the best idea?  I picked up my pillow and screamed into it.  Maybe I should never have gotten that job at the snack bar.

Work started again the next day, but it wasn’t for about a week that I discovered Jin hadn’t gotten tired of the beach yet.  This was the first time I’d really seen him swimming in the ocean.  I couldn’t really tell what he was doing from where I was standing, but he was definitely in the water.  He’d spent most of the time I’d watched him either making sandcastles or playing volleyball.

It was around noon when he finally wandered over towards me.

“Hey, have you ever seen the seashells here?”

I didn’t want to tell him that I’d gone searching for seashells many, many times since I was little.  I glanced up to find him holding a huge shell in his hand, and my eyes widened.

“Wow!  I’ve never pulled one that big!”

“Really?  It took me about three hours to find one this big.  One of the boys found some huge sand dollars.  You’ll have to come out later so I can show you.”

“Well, I get off at four.  Maybe I can run home and get my bathing suit then.”

“Cool!  We’re doing barbeque at Yoongi’s house tonight.  Wanna come?”

“Sure!  When is it?”

“We’re gonna head over there at five to get the grill started.  One of his friends bought a bunch of steak and shrimp and other stuff.”

“Ok, I’ll tell my parents that I won’t be joining them for dinner.”

I had to admit that it was a little weird to be spending so much time with a group of people I didn’t know, but it was worth it to spend time with Jin.  It seemed that he didn’t know many of the people at these gatherings either, so I was good company to him.  Although, did we really know each other any better than the other people there?

After I’d run home to get my bathing suit, Jin and I waded out to where the water was deeper to search for sand dollars.

“Have you ever done this?  Yoongi said you need to dig around with your toes…”

It was much easier to do that now that the water was reaching my shoulders.

“Oh!  I found one!”

I used my toes to pull it out of the sand, and then I grabbed it and pulled it out of the water.

“Well, would you look at that,” he laughed. “You’re good at this.  Ooo!  I think I got one!”

Once his was out of the water, the two of us compared them.

“Yours is bigger,” I laughed. “Probably because my toes are smaller.”

He took this as an invitation to pull his foot out of the water and wiggle his toes in my face. “These are bigger than yours?”

Before I could even shove him, he lost his balance and fell into the water.  He resurfaced a few seconds later, coughing out water.

“I lost the sand dollar!” he exclaimed. “We have to make sure they’re put down on the floor or they won’t survive!”

I quickly placed my sand dollar back in the sand using my foot, and then the two of us swam around for a few minutes looking for Jin’s sand dollar.

“How big was it?” I asked.

He made a circle with his hands to imitate the sand dollar’s size. “It was about this big!”

I held up a sand dollar. “Is this it?”

He swam over to me and examined the sand dollar in my hand.

“Probably.  Let’s put it back.  I think it’s about time to head to Yoongi’s place.”

Once we got back into the shallow water, I went off running.

“Try to catch me!”

“Hey!  That’s not fair!  You got a head start!”

“Your legs are longer than mine!”

Yoongi’s house wasn’t too far from where we’d been, so we walked.  It wasn’t the most comfortable thing to walk in sand-coated sandals, but I’d deal until we were on solid concrete.

“You know, I could get used to living on the beach like this,” Jin admitted.

“Do your parents live out west?”

He nodded. “Just about as west as you can get in this state.  My grandparents wanted them to move closer, but my dad’s job took them to Greenville.  I could always move down here if I wanted to.  It’s nice to be with my parents, though.”

“Should we go to the jewelry store this weekend?  You’ve gotta get some earrings before you leave, right?”

He laughed. “That’s right!  We should go around and see if we can find some good alcohol while we’re at it.  Your birthday is Monday, right?”

“Hey, you remembered!” I grinned. “I’m taking the day off.  My parents wanted to take me canoeing, and then we’re doing a dolphin boat tour in the afternoon.”

“That sounds cool!  Is there a time we can get together?”

“I’m sure we can do something for dinner.  The dolphin tour ends around seven.” I paused. “Do you want to come on the dolphin tour with us?  The guy taking us is one of my dad’s friends, so he’s just taking the three of us.  I think we could cram one more in.”

Jin laughed. “Sure, I’d love to come!  You think your parents remember me?”

“Well, Ellie sure remembers you.”

“Is she the one who wore nothing but braids the whole summer?”

“That’s her!”

“I’m just memorable,” he nodded with a wink.

Yoongi’s place was a lot smaller than I’d expected it to be.  Despite the fact that there were about four bedrooms in the house, there weren’t a bunch of open floors like the house we’d been at last weekend.  He had a modest little living room and a kitchen, and the back yard was pretty small and grassy.

“Jin, can you watch the grill for a few minutes?  I need to go check on the potatoes.” Yoongi asked – informed, more like – the moment he saw Jin.  He was already inside before Jin could respond.

“Hey, did you get to see the stars on Sunday?” I asked. “They were pretty bright from the pool.”

“I don’t think I did, no,” Jin shook his head. “I didn’t go outside much while we were there.”

“You’ll have to see them tonight.”

“Will I?”

“Of course!”

Surprisingly, Yoongi’s barbeque was a lot more peaceful than the party we’d had on Sunday.  Granted, there was much more food and far less talking, but there was no drama, and Yoongi wasn’t spilling Jin’s secrets today.

A few of the guys offered me beer, but I insisted that I was waiting until Monday.  If I didn’t have the experience of trying alcohol on my twenty-first birthday, was it even a special day?

The next morning, Jin and I headed over to see my mom.  Morning meaning more like afternoon, because I wasn’t even awake until eleven.

“Did your mom work here before?” Jin asked as we walked down the street. “I don’t recall.”

I shook my head. “She wanted something else to do besides taking care of our beach houses.”

I backed into the door and listened as the bell jingled over my head.

“Wow, this place is tiny!” Jin exclaimed.

“Isabelle!  Is this Jin?  My goodness, he’d gotten tall!”

I laughed. “Yeah, Mom, this is Jin.  He wanted to come find some earrings.”

“Oh, we have a lot of those,” Mom laughed as she walked around the counter. “Anything in particular you were looking for?”

“Not really.  I just wanted to look around.  Most of my earrings look the same,” Jin admitted.

“You should get some dangles!” I encouraged him.

He picked up a pair of huge earrings. “These?”

I cringed. “No.”

“Ok, you tell me what you’d pick for me, then.”

I walked a few laps around the shop as I looked.  What should I choose for him?  I didn’t know him all that well, but I knew he did look good in the earrings he was wearing now.  There was definitely a reason he always wore those.

I noticed Jin watching me out of the corner of my eye.  This made me a bit embarrassed, but it didn’t matter.  I had to be particular about what I chose.  These would be one of the few things he remembered me by when we parted ways, that was for sure.

Eventually, I found a pair of earrings I thought would fit him well.  I pulled them out and held them up.

“What do you think of these?”

“Chains?”

I nodded. “They’d look good on you, don’t you think?”

“I’m not sure,” he laughed. “I’ve never worn anything like that, not even in theater.”

“Great!  Something new for your collection, then!”

“I supposed so.” He took the earrings from me and held one of them up next to his ear. “What do you think?”

“It looks awesome!  We should definitely get those!”

He nodded. “All right, we’ll get these ones.  Should we head to the liquor store now?”

“In a few minutes.  I need to talk to my mom real quick and pay for these.  We should get some snow cones on our way out.  What do you think?”

“That’s a great idea!  I’ll wander around outside while I wait for you, ok?”

I nodded, and he left the shop.  I walked over to the counter and paid my mom for the earrings.

“Do you like him?” she asked.

“What?  Where would you get an idea like that?”

She gave me her all-knowing look, and I sighed.

“Ok, maybe I like him a little bit.” I was quick to change the subject. “There’s something I wanted to ask.  Jin wanted to spend my birthday with me, and I was wondering if it was ok if I bring him with me to the dolphin tour?”

She laughed. “Of course!  It’s your birthday.  As long as he’s not joining us for canoeing.  It’s too late to add him now.”

I shook my head. “I know that.  Besides, I do want to spend some time with just you and Dad on my birthday.”

“Of course.  Did he say you were going to the liquor store?”

I nodded. “He and Yoongi said that I should try a few kinds of alcohol on my birthday.”

“Oh, did they?  Be safe, whatever you do.”

“Don’t worry, I will.”

After Jin and I got our snow cones, we headed over to the liquor store.

“It is legal for me to go in here, right?” I asked.

“Yeah.  You just can’t buy anything.”

The two of us browsed the different wines and champagnes as we ate our snow cones.

“Have you ever had any of these?” I asked as I looked at a bottle of wine.

“Not most of them, no.  I haven’t drunk much, to be honest.  I’ve had beer here and there, but that’s about it.” He pulled out his phone as it chimed. “My mom suggests rosé.”

I nodded. “I guess we’ll get that and some champagne, then.  But…which one?”

He ran his hands over a few bottles. “Maybe this one?”

“I suppose that should be fine.  Does Yoongi have any suggestions?”

“I’m sure he’ll already have bought them if he has any,” Jin laughed.

I smiled.

As we walked around the liquor store, I considered how long it had been since I’d really spoken to Ellie.  Maybe a week wasn’t that long to go without talking to your friend, but it was definitely a long time for us.  Usually, we spent a day around each of our birthdays together, but she hadn’t even asked what I was doing for the day.  I would’ve invited her to hang out with me when I went over to Yoongi’s, but she wasn’t old enough to drink yet, so she would’ve probably just felt left out.  It felt strange not talking to her.  Sure, we’d both been busy, but even when we’d been in college, we’d taken time to text each other at least once a day.

I texted her that night when I got home.  The response I got was short.

“Teo and I have been hanging out.  Sorry.  Maybe we can get together next week.”

Well.  I guess that told me where we stood.

I ended up walking over to Yoongi’s by myself come Monday.   I’d headed home for a quick change of clothing before I headed over, so Jin had gone by himself.  As I walked, I realized that I was feeling pretty out of it.  My best friend had abandoned me.  On my birthday, of all days.  It wasn’t like I had other friends to see either.  Sure, I had Jin and Yoongi, but as sweet as they were, it wasn’t the same.  They were two people I’d barely known for three weeks.  I’d known Ellie since third grade.

Maybe this was my fault.  I hadn’t really made the effort to talk to her since I’d gotten back in town, so maybe she was mad at me about that.  Our conversation at the music store hadn’t ended all that well since I’d run out of there, so it would be reasonable if she was mad at me.  That didn’t mean it felt good to be ignored on my birthday, though.

I was just going to let it go.  Tonight, I was going to have a good time with Jin and Yoongi and a few bottles of alcohol.  We had a little over a month until school started up again, so I was going to make the most out of these next few weeks, with or without Ellie.  I knocked on Yoongi’s door.

“It’s open,” I heard him call from inside.

I stepped inside and headed to the living room.  Suddenly, all the lights turned on.

“Surprise!”

My eyes widened. “What?”

I glanced around.  There weren’t that many people here, but it was more than I’d been expecting.  Jin, Yoongi, my parents, Jin’s grandparents, Ellie, and Mateo were all here.  There was a cake on the kitchen counter, and there was a banner hanging over the fireplace that read ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ISABELLE!’  It was clearly handmade, and I’d recognize Ellie’s handwriting anywhere.  She hadn’t been mad at me.

“We decided to surprise you,” Jin smiled. “What do you think?”

“I think this is awesome!” I hugged him. “Thank you!” I turned to Ellie. “And you!  Get over here!”

She laughed and crossed the room to hug me. “We surprised you, right?”

“You sure did!  I thought you were mad at me!”

She scoffed. “Mad at you?  I could never be mad at you!” She paused. “Actually, I am a little mad that you’re drinking without me tonight.”

“Don’t worry.  We can do it on your birthday too.”

“I’m lucky school doesn’t start before my birthday this year.”

It turned out that Jin and Yoongi bought a few more bottles than I’d picked out on Saturday.  We didn’t need much for eight people, though.

“Can I at least smell yours?” Ellie asked as I poured a glass of wine.

“You can smell it,” I nodded with a laugh.

She leaned in close to me. “So, any progress with the boyfriend?”

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

“Ok, fine.  Any progress with Jin?”

“What kind of progress?”

“Have you guys…” she lowered her voice even further. “Kissed?”

I scoffed. “No.”

“What?  What do you mean you haven’t kissed?  You guys have been hanging out for a whole week!”

“Yeah, well, we’re not you and Mateo.”

She shook her head. “You guys have to kiss at least once before he goes home.”

“No, we don’t.  In fact, I’d rather we not kiss.”

“Why?”

“I can’t be in a relationship with him, El.  He lives up in Greenville.”

“Which is what, an hour from Columbia?  Don’t be dramatic.  You two could totally date.  I’m gonna be down in Florida, and Mateo and I are still going to find a way to make it work.  Relationships aren’t just kissing, you know.  You can have a meaningful conversation over the phone.”

“All I’ve seen you and Mateo do is kiss.  Are you sure you’re the person who should be telling me this?”

Ellie slapped my shoulder. “Oh, shush.  Just listen to me.”

“I don’t think I will.”

It was hours before the party ended.  The vast majority of us had clearly drunken.  Mateo took Jin’s grandparents home, and that left the rest of us to clean up.

“That was the best birthday party I’ve ever had,” I laughed as I stacked the paper plates we’d used. “Yoongi, that wine you bought was awesome.”

“I’m glad you liked it.  That’s one of my favorite ones.”

Jin tugged on my sleeve. “Let’s go outside.  The stars are bright tonight.”

I followed him out to the backyard eagerly.  Yoongi’s place was completely dark, so if we laid on the ground, we could see the stars pretty well.  Jin sat down in the grass and tugged my hand, beckoning me to sit down with him.  I joined him, and the two of us looked up at the sky together.

“There’s not many constellations.”

I hummed.  Regardless, the stars were pretty.  My own yard wasn’t really a great place for viewing stars.  I lay down in the grass.  This was a moment I’d put in my back pocket and keep forever.  If I wasn’t too drunk to remember it, that was.  I couldn’t remember how much I’d had to drink.

“Hey, Isa?”

“Yes, Jin?”

“Can I kiss you?”

He was still sitting up, so it didn’t take much effort for me to look at him.  My logical mind would’ve told him no, but I had at least three glasses of various kinds of alcohol in me, so I wasn’t thinking straight.

“Yeah.  Kiss me, Jin.”

He looked conflicted for a second, but then he leaned over me and kissed me.  I grinned like a fool against his lips.

“This is my first kiss,” I mumbled.

“I shouldn’t have kissed you while we’re drunk,” he decided.  It was too late now.

But of course, alcohol had taken all reason out of our heads, so we kissed under the stars for a few moments.

“I think I need to go home, Jin,” I giggled. “I can’t keep my eyes open.”

“You could sleep in one of Yoongi’s spare rooms.”

I hummed. “Why does he have so many spare rooms, anyways?  He’s twenty-one.  He can’t be rich enough to own a whole house.”

“Yeah…it’s one of his dad’s houses.” Jin’s eyes widened, and he smacked his palm over his mouth. “Don’t tell him I told you.”

I laughed stupidly, like a drunk person would.  I wouldn’t remember this in the morning.  I wouldn’t remember any of this.  I wouldn’t remember who owned Yoongi’s house…and I wouldn’t remember my first kiss….

I woke up on my own bed the next morning with about four blankets piled on top of me.  Had I walked home?  I couldn’t recall.  As I blinked at my wall, I remembered what had happened the previous night.

I flew out of bed and ran to my bathroom before staring at myself in the mirror.  I’d kissed Jin!  Was I an idiot?  This was going to ruin my life forever!

I ran back into my room and dug through my sheets, finally coming across my phone.  I had a few texts from Jin.

“Good morning!  Yoongi’s dragging me out for breakfast.  He said food is good for hangovers or something.  I don’t know how to tell him I don’t have a hangover.  Would you like to meet up later today?  Maybe I could take you on an official date.”

I threw my phone down on my bed.  This was not supposed to happen!  Dating Jin was supposed to just be some wild dream I had to carry me through the summer, and then real life would resume when I went back to university.  I picked up my phone and replied to him.

“Sorry, I have work!  Maybe we can meet up later?”

I didn’t wait for his response before jumping in the shower.  Even if Jin didn’t have a hangover, it appeared that I did.  Hopefully I could make it through work today without any issues.

I hated how my heart jumped when I saw Jin’s response of a few hearts and a kissing emoji.  I was supposed to be immune to him by now.  I’d lived this long without him, so surely I could live the rest of my life without him.  University wasn’t the place to be in a relationship, especially one that was long distance.

I shoved my phone deep into the pocket of my shorts, and then I headed to work.  I didn’t know when Jin was leaving, but I hoped it was soon.  The sooner he left, the less it would hurt to let him go.

I met up with Ellie for dinner that evening, and I could tell she wanted to rip out every last hair on my head after I told her what had happened.

“You idiot!  He’s clearly whipped for you, and you won’t even give it a chance?”

“I can’t let myself get attached, El.” I frowned as I felt tears flood my eyes. “I got attached the first time, and it hurt so bad when he left.”

“But, Isa, this isn’t the same as last time.  You’re both adults now.  The world is so much smaller than it used to be.  You guys are so close you could drive to see each other during the school year.”

I shrugged. “I just can’t.”

“Is there anything that could make you?”

“Well, if we lived in the same town or something, maybe we could make it work, but….”

Ellie sighed. “Come on, Isa.  This is silly.  You should go talk to him.”

I shook my head. “I’m not going to.  I’m just going to have to let him go.”

It was clear Ellie was having none of my sulking, so I sulked at the snack bar instead.  As much as I really didn’t feel like working, it gave me something to do during the day.  Jin hadn’t been around on the beach, either, so I didn’t really have a reason to avoid my job.  He was probably fishing with Yoongi.  I vaguely remembered them talking about going shark fishing at some point, and a place with a bunch of little kids really wasn’t the place to do that.  Thankfully.

My luck ran out on Friday, though.  Jin came walking up to the stand just like he had the first day he’d been here.  Once again, I was trying to find all the ways I could bury myself in the sand.

“Hey, Isa,” he smiled at me. “You haven’t been answering my texts.  What’s up?”

“Uh, I can’t really date you.  I’m sorry if I mislead you.”

“Oh.”

That pretty smile he’d had on his face before disappeared now, and I felt guilty for making him feel so.

“That’s ok.  I’m headed back to Greenville next week.”

“You are?” I asked in distress.  I shouldn’t have been upset, really.  This was what I’d been saving myself from by ignoring him.

He nodded. “My parents wanted to see me for a little while before I have to head back to school.  I’ll see you next summer, I guess?”

I offered him a small smile. “Right.  Next summer.”

I didn’t let myself be disappointed when he left the next week.  Ellie dragged me out to say goodbye to him, but all I could offer him was a wave as he drove away.  I was letting all this go.

It wasn’t until Ellie’s birthday party that I finally let it all out.  Three glasses of wine was clearly too much for me.  It kept me saying things I’d never intended to reach the world.

“I shouldn’t have said no to him, El.  He’s the sweetest man alive, and I let him go all because he lives too far away,” I cried. “I’m such an idiot.”

“Yeah, you are.”

Man, she could’ve at least softened the blow.

“I should call him,” I decided.

Ellie was too quick for me, though.  She whipped my phone out of my hand before I could even unlock it.

“We don’t make hasty decisions while drunk, Isa.  Remember what happened last time?”

“Yes, I kissed Jin.  Now give me my phone.”

Except that alcohol also seemed to take away my coordination and strength as well, so getting my phone away from Ellie was a lost cause.  I finally gave in and laid across her lap.

“Tell me I’ll forget about him when I go back to university, El.”

“You’ll forget about him when you go back to university.”

“I know you don’t mean it.”

She laughed. “I know you know.”

School started not too long after that.  I had to admit that the two-hour drive up to Columbia felt even longer than it was supposed to.  Sitting in a car for more than ten minutes felt like torture.

By the time I’d unpacked my car, I was starving.  It wasn’t near dinnertime yet, but I was going to eat anyways.  There were about fifteen fast food places within a mile of the school, so I settled for some pizza.  Granted, no one besides a professional football player needed an entire pizza to themselves, but I didn’t care.  I was going to eat as much of this pizza as I pleased without anyone judging me.  Ok, my roommate would probably be judging me.  But it wasn’t any of her business how much pizza I ate.

I was happily walking out of the pizza place with my dinner when I looked up at the man who was holding the door for me.

“Jin?  What are you doing here?”

He pointed a thumb back to my university. “I go to the UofSC?”

I ended up sharing my pizza with him as we sat at a nearby park and chatted.

“You’ve gone here for two years?  How have I never seen you?”

He laughed. “I have no clue.”

“I’m so sorry about what happened after my birthday.  I just couldn’t handle long-distance.”

He nodded. “It’s ok.  I understand.  I just wish we’d actually talked about it.  Maybe we wouldn’t have been upset at each other?”

I smiled.

“So, what do you say?  Now that we’re in the same place all year…can I take you on a date?”

I had to admit, I’d never expected things to turn out this way.  I’d never even considered him being at the same school as me, but I’d gotten that miracle after all.

If we shared a few kisses under the sunset that evening, no one but us knew.  It was pretty amazing that we had the assurance of spending the next two years together.

The Fate of the Lyrics m.list

Main m.list

A/N: I decided to change the point of view like 2000 words into this so hopefully this was edited well enough that you can't tell. Not really sure how on earth I got this plot from the lyrics but you know 😂

It would be greatly appreciated if you reblogged the story if you liked it!

Taglist: @jiminie-and-his-pinky-finger @jinnie-forthe-winnie @fly-you-dam-fools @aianloveseven @thornedswan @kookstempo

[purplestzebra10]

Pick up Lines

Summary: Rodrick has been using pick up lines on you and it has caught your attention. This time he asks you out.

Pairing: Rodrick Heffley x Reader

Word count: 808 (Edited)

Warnings: nothing just fluff

A/N:  I’m trying to make this one a small series. The next one is going to be the date and a bonus where he tells his family at dinner that he scored a date. I might do a blurb on the reader’s reaction to the different pickup lines.(not my picture)

You were informed by the bell that school was over for the day. Typically the school day isn’t that bad, however, you got stuck with homework from the most horrific subject ever created by man: math. So as you were walking out of the school building it was pretty evident that they was a gloom cloud casted over your head.  

That is until a certain tall lanky rockstar, that you couldn’t help but notice everyday, jogged up to you.

Rodrick Heffley has been hitting on you for a couple weeks now, or at least trying. He often made a fool of himself most days but it was adorable. At first you thought that he was just joking with you but after the third day or so you realized that he was for real. It was more hilarious for you because of how cheesy it was. You could tell that he googled pick up lines the night before. 

Luckily, it wasn’t in a creepy way. You were sure that if at any moment you felt discomfort he would leave you alone. You actually egged him on cause at some point you started to like his company. 

“Life without you is like a broken pencil…pointless.” He said with a wide smile causing you to groan. Funny enough this wasn’t the worst one his said. 

Taking a look at his composure, you saw that he was wearing another black “Loded Diper” shirt with a red and black flannel. He had some ripped black skinny jeans with a chain hooked in the loops and a pair of beat up converse. Typical everyday Rodrick wear. 

“I’m surprised you even know what that is. Considering you barely show up to class.” You said, slowing down your walking pace. 

“I go to class sometimes.” he said rolling his eyes. “You know I can try another one.”

“No, no. I think I’ve had enough for a lifetime.” You conveyed as you felt his eyes take in your outfit. Today you kept it light wearing a olive green cropped tee, gray sweatpants, and some matching green running shoes. You also had a gray jacket so you wouldn’t get dressed coded but unzipped when you came outside. When you woke up this morning you were in no mood to put any effort in anything actually so you just threw whatever on. 

“What? I think these pick up lines are great and you could never have to many of them.” He said, shrugging.

 “If I said them to you would they work?”

“Anything would work coming from you.” Rodrick answered with a wink. You rolled your eyes and started walking towards your car.

You both relaxed more into the silence. Oddly it wasn’t awkward considering that everything with Rodrick is pretty much awkward. It was nice though, to just hang around him. Soon y’all made it to your car which funny enough is only a couple of spaces away from his van. 

“Rodrick.” You started, lean on your drivers door. 

“Yes M’lady.”

“Do you own any other shirts? I never see you in anything else.” You asked trying to steer the conversation to be about him. You wanted to know more, to grow closer to him. 

“Yeah of course. But this is my band, you gotta promote always.” He answers, proud of himself while trying to act cool simultaneously tripping over his own feet.

“Yeah, I heard of y’all, all bad things though.” You say with a cheesy smile. 

“What! We are the best in this town! The next big things!” He says, flailing his arms in excitement. “We even have a cool van!”

You lean a little to the right to look at the white van with “Loded Diper” spray painted on the sides. You lean back and shoot him a small smile. You knew that his band was horrible but you would never say that. Quite frankly you like the aesthetics, it was just the music needed a little tweaking. Focusing back on the man in front of you, you noticed him fidgeting, scratching the back of his neck and such. 

“You good?” 

“Yeah, yeah. I um…I was just wondering if you wanted to go on a date with me?” The pitch of his voice went higher on those last couple words and his body visibly cringed a bit. 

“I’d love to.” You answered. Immediately he was jumping for joy but awkwardly stopped when he noticed. “Is Friday good?”

“Yes! Ehhm… I mean yes. See you Friday.”  He says turning around to happily walk to his van.

“Rodrick.”

“Yeah?” He turns back around.

“Don’t you need my number?”

“Yeah I definitely do.” He comes back with a slight blush and successfully gets your number. Y’all finally said your goodbyes and drove off, both of your young minds already nervous for the outing in a couple of days. 

[blu-joons]

A Christmas Proposal ~ Min Yoongi

Instantly his figure shrunk as the door opened and the gust of cool air hit you both, his hand gripped onto yours a little bit tighter as you gasped in delight, ignoring the cool breeze, enjoying the sounds of your feet crunching into the icy layer that had been left across the floor.

You pulled Yoongi out of the door, giggling at his mundane expression, using your spare hand to tug his beanie further onto his head to try and warm him up.

“Are you sure we couldn’t find a warmer day to do this?” He questioned, but your head shook.

Very little could excite you more than walks in the winter, the sounds, the feel, the aesthetics, everything fell perfectly into place for your favourite time of year. Whilst Yoongi was a little more reluctant, it never stopped him from walking by your side, treasuring all the little memories that the two of you made together.

“I really want to show you my place,” you told him, pulling him away from your parent’s home, onwards into the woodland that was only a brisk walk down the road.

This Christmas marked your first with Yoongi visiting your family, after many spent together at home in Seoul, and last year enjoying time in Daegu, you were beyond excited to introduce him into your world and show him all of your traditions.

“It’s a lot colder here than it is at home,” he whispered from beside you, tightly holding onto your gloved hand, you stared down at the hold that he had, noting the turn in colour of his pale hand, matching that of the beanie you wore on your head.

“When I told you that you’d need gloves, I really wasn’t joking.”

You’d spent most of the week before your trip repacking Yoongi’s suitcase to suit the weather, he was used to warm summer sunshine, tees, and shorts, but this holiday was far too different.

He was relieved to stop as the two of you reached the woodland, sitting down on a large log that sat in the middle of a forest of trees. Your legs stretched out, wiggling them around to generate a bit of heat and warm yourself up.

With your hands, you moved up and down along Yoongi’s hands trying to bring the natural colour back to them, pinching against his cheeks to hide the blush that was blossoming.

“I used to come here all the time as a child,” you told him, taking a good look around.

Times were usually spent here when they were much simpler, when all you had to worry about what was time you had to be home for dinner, or how much snow it would take to finish the snowman you and your friends had spent hours building.

“We used to sit and make snow angels and snowmen, these logs used to be our barriers for our snowball fights, where you’re sitting now, I fell from there once after a snowball hit me too hard,” you reminisced, hearing his sniggers from beside you.

He could picture you perfectly, Christmas had always been your favourite time of year, even as an adult he’d learnt how important memories were for you over the festive period and how much you enjoyed messing around and having fun.

“On Christmas morning we’d all meet here in between opening presents and having Christmas dinner, mum got annoyed with me once because I lost the teddy she’d just bought me whilst I was trying to catch a snowflake,” you added.

“It’s beautiful here,” his voice whispered, his hand intertwining with yours, giving it a gentle squeeze.

Perhaps it wasn’t like the old times, just like you your friends had moved on and found new places to call home, but bringing Yoongi into one of your favourite spots made you feel like a child all over again.

“We could still do all those things you used to do,” he suddenly added, pulling your arm down so you both fell to the ground, laying side by side.

Both your heads tilted to meet each other’s eyes; giggles erupted as you both tried to ignore the tingle of the cold floor that captured both your bodies.

You watched as Yoongi moved aside from you, stretching his limbs out and beginning to move them left and right. The layer of snow that remained was minimal from the fall late last evening, but that wasn’t enough to stop him trying to make you laugh.

And laugh you did.

You’d never seen Yoongi so festive, usually whenever the two of you spotted people in the snow, his eyes would roll and little mutters would escape from under his breath, but this year he carried a genuine smile and a thrill for the winter season.

It wasn’t long before you joined in beside him, huffing every time your arm bumped into his as you fought to create the biggest snow angels possible.

The two of you soon found yourselves lost in your own little worlds, forgetting about all the stresses allowing yourselves to enjoy the escapism being lost from everything else in the world bought you.

“I’m exhausted,” his voice chuckled, grabbing hold of your hand to stop you as he did.

You nodded in agreement, “let’s have a look,” you smiled, carefully standing yourself up, stepping back to look at the shapes the two of you had created.

Neither were quite shaped like angels, but that didn’t stop the two of you loving them, your imprints were marked in the snow for as long as you wanted them to, it was a memory that would never fade.

“I’m glad you’ve embraced Christmas this year,” you smiled across to him, wrapping your arm around his waist, “I think you’ll enjoy all the things my family does, it’s a lot different from anything you’ve known in Seoul.”

“I’m excited too,” he smiled, leaning across to press a kiss to the top of your head, “I don’t know whether it’s this cold weather, or adventuring with you, but this icy heart might just be getting a little bit warmer.”

Your grin widened, jabbing against his chest, feeling the thick layers of his clothes, which you’d forcibly dressed him in. He knew now that he was thankful for your stubbornness in making sure that he dressed a little more appropriately.

“I’m honoured that you wanted to show me all your safe places too,” he continued, resting your frame against his chest, “all these places that make you who you are, and now I get to enjoy them too.”

“I knew you’d love it here.”

His head nodded, moving his hands into his pockets, smiling reassuringly at you as you watched closely, checking once again that he wasn’t too cold, preparing to scold him when the two of you got back to your parents.

Once you were sure he was fine, you turned back around, staring up at one of the trees, unable to hold back your giggle as you remembered one of your elder cousins getting stuck in the branch on Christmas Eve creating a rather chaotic couple of hours for your family.

Behind you, Yoongi took a step back, slowly lowering himself to the floor as he found what he searched for in his pockets.

“Y/N,” his voice whispered, capturing your attention.

You spun around at the call of your name, failing to see Yoongi at head height, finding him knelt in the snow, a diamond ring glistening back at you, held tightly in his cold hands.

“What are you doing,” you laughed, covering your mouth with your hand, “it’s cold, you can’t stay down there.”

“I’m fine,” he responded, taking your hand in his, “because I’m always fine when I’m with you. I always knew this holiday was going to be special, but I never imagined it would be magical. I’ve never liked Christmas really, but somehow you’ve made me fall in love with it, the same way you made me fall in love with you.”

Your heart pounded underneath your winter fleece, smirking at the ringlets of air that came off his cold breath as he spoke.

“I’ll never be able to find the words to thank you for coming into my life, but you’re my little miracle, and I never want you to leave. So, will you marry me?” He asked.

Immediately, your head nodded, slipping your glove off your hand, making room for him to slide the beautiful ring onto your finger, brushing his hand against your chilling skin.

Before you could take it in, you pulled Yoongi up from the ground, cautious of how it would be for him, bundling him into your arms. “I love you,” you whispered into his ear, nuzzling yourself tightly into the crook of his neck.

His arms snaked around your waist, pressing a soft kiss into the side of your face, “I love you too, thank you for saying yes.”

“As if I could ever say no to you,” you chuckled, watching your glove slip out of your hold, daintily falling into the mark of his winter boot. “This is one more memory this place will hold dear to my heart.”

“This can be our special place from now on, forever, just like us.”

---

Masterlist

[theriu]

A Meager Attempt At A Cool Rocks Post

So I have been inspired by @reddpenn​'s superb Cool Rock Posts. I too have a love for cool rocks, but it pales in comparison to the breadth and depth of both collection size and rock knowledge Redd has. Alas, my love of rocks remains uneducated and amateur, which is kind of ironic since I took three geology classes in college for my science credits. (Turns out I just like pretty things, actually remembering their formation and hardness and stuff doesn’t factor in.)

Nonetheless! I wish to share my small but still lovely collection of rocks and what little I know about them!

I have made this little display for our purposes. Obviously there are a few stand-ins so that my collection does not look too lonely, but if there is one thing I do excel at collecting, it is cool-looking Stuff to scatter around my house. Pay no mind to the Trex, he was a recent purchase from the home decoration store because he LOOKS like rock, which I think we can all agree is a good aesthetic for him. So far he has been a very good chap.

We shall start with the Small Boys:

These are the rocks I've had the longest, and in truth pay little mind to. As anyone who has frequented a gift shop with a rock section will recognize, these are the kind of assorted rocks one finds in a box, pays for by weight or bag limit, and takes home in a charming felt pouch. I don't even know what kind of rocks they are. Perhaps variations of the same kind? Someone with greater rock knowledge than I may know.

But you should know that, when it comes to rocks, I have a secret:

I really, really, REALLYREALLYREALLY like rocks you can SEE INTO

There's something so beautiful and magical, even mysterious, about translucent stone. Be it a glass ball full of swirled colors or a rough chunk of rock revealing deeply embedded inclusions, the depth and glow of a transparent or translucent rock fills me with delight. Perhaps it puts me in mind of bodies of water, and all the life swimming about in them. It makes you want to believe there is more to this simple stone, to imagine cool fantasy stories around their hidden abilities. This is why this seemingly boring Gray found a home - look how he lights up! Even Green has a bit of glow! (Blue does not, sadly, but he is blue. I like blue. :D)

My fondness for orange rocks is also going to become highly apparent as we continue:

Left: A GORGEOUS carnelian palm stone I found at a steampunk convention last year. I think I paid $30 for it. Now, I am not one to dole out large amounts of money for rocks willy-nilly - I have to be REALLY CERTAIN I love a rock enough to spend the asking price (i.e. How Likely Am I To Hold And Stare At This Rock For Long Periods?). But just look at this BEAUTY! It's like I'm holding a small chunk out of the rings of Saturn in my hand. It is also just about the right shape to pass for a dragon egg. And, I mean, look at it in the light:

Tell me that doesn’t look like a yolk. XD

I waffle between imagining this as a dragon egg, or plotting to incorporate it into my orange-and-yellow mandalorian cosplay as a chunk of stone from an old Jedi temple that my mando has hooked up to an arm device that uses it to detect force-users in the vicinity. Like I said, rocks are awesome for creating cool stories. :D

(Also: while I do not ascribe to the new age-y uses of palm stones, I will say that there is something decidedly pleasant about just holding a gorgeous, smooth, cool rock that fits perfectly in the palm of your hand!)

Back to the first picture, because Tumblr has an obnoxious 10 pic limit on posts...

Right: This is my newest rock, purchased just this week at the Boonshoft Museum of Discovery. Sometimes a particular rock just jumps out at you, and that is what happened with this very reasonably-priced $5 piece of orange calcite I brought home. 

It looks like a huge chunk of candy. I almost want to eat it. But where it lacks the superior factor of rock candy that is deliciousness, this citrine has the estimable advantage of not turning sticky no matter how long I touch it.

And once again, when held up to the light...

Look at that gorgeous glow! She turns almost yellow in the light! I tell you, I looked at most of the orange citrine in the box, but this one that initially grabbed my attention just really stuck with me. Sometimes rock collecting is just the simple joy of finding that rare rock that really leaps out at you ahead of all the other pretty rocks which give you your fill for a few seconds before being left peacefully on their shelf.

(In other words, find the rocks that you want to stare at while spinning in your palm for unreasonable amounts of time like a crow adoring its shinies.)

Now, this little slice of a geode (I THINK??? Experts please advise) isn't very exotic. But for the paltry sum I paid for it at a rummage tent, and the GORGEOUS swirls this picture does not do justice, I think my reasons for claiming it are clear:

Someone more knowledgeable than me, please feel free to point out what qualities make this piece so lovely. It is amazing, like the frozen visage of a swirly space storm frosted with ice. I want to make it into jewelry or attach it to something, and I never wear jewelry. Why is the carrying around of pretty stones just to look at fondly in bored moments not more socially acceptable, I ask you?! (Not that this has stopped me, at times.)

Alas, I'm probably getting a bit long-winded, but we are nearing the end of the collection! And I'm sure someone out there is interested in the contents of this fun little box:

This was actually a prize I won for completing the scavenger hunt games in first place at a Steampunk convention several years ago! And I LOVE IT! A perfect little custom exhibit box, complete with labels! It looks so cool on my shelf. And all the pieces are authentic!

First, the ever-familiar purple amethyst. I must confess, I am a slight hipster in regards to liking things a bit more if they are less well-known, and perhaps that is why I don't have much opinion about amethyst. It is undeniably lovely in color and translucency, but it's just EVERYWHERE - I feel sometimes like it is the unofficial mascot of Cool Rocks In Gift Shops. So this rock isn't high on my favorites list, but it still feels right to have a piece.

The trilobite is my real favorite of the group. Look how big he is! Look how complete! I'd never held such a big one before this, much less owned it! And he's still a little guy compared to some out there! So cool!!! And he is indeed a rock, because fossils :D

And the last one isn’t a rock at all, but come on, ACTUAL VIKING AGE METAL. That's just cool.

But what's this? A mere decorative addition? An imposter?!

Sure, sand and glass are both made of silicates, but they don't really count as Cool Rocks, or even gems. But what's that there, tucked away in the shell...?

My genuine pink pearl from Hawaii! Now, granted, pearls are not your typical rock. But they ARE considered gems, just made by a living creature, so I felt it deserved a mention. I got this two years ago on a family vacation to Maui, at the Dole Plantation. While pearls have never been a favorite of mine, this one is special to me because my mother, sister, and cousin also did the "open an oyster and get the pearl inside" touristy thing that places like this offer. We almost all got different colors, and it was just really cool. There is a hole drilled in one side in case I ever want it mounted in a ring or something, but truthfully, I wish I had left it pristine. It now resides as a secret treasure in my other, glassier souvenir from that cool trip.

Alas, these are all the rocks and near-rocks I have to share. If you like cool rocks and want to learn actual cool science about LOTS of cool rocks, definitely check out @reddpenn​'s blog, where you will find MANY COOL ROCK POSTS SERIOUSLY REDD YOU HAVE SO MANY COOL ROCKS!!! 

And if you wish to share YOUR cool rocks, I highly encourage you to do so! Let me be your forerunner in sharing cool rocks without actually knowing all the sciency stuff behind them, because sometimes you just like things because they are pretty and tickle your imagination.

~River

[sarcastically-defensive17]

Negatives? - C. Hood

Hello my lovies! This is the anticipated second part of “Benefits?”!! Didn’t think we could get angstier but here we are!! I apologise in advance!

Masterlist will be updated soon! Hope you enjoy! More requests will be filled very soon!

Original story by sarcastically-defensive17

9 months. 9 months of longing, of pain, of loneliness. 9 months of being cooped up inside of his own head because he was too ignorant and rude to admit that he hadn’t buried his feelings for Y/N.

Drew made Y/N smile, but he knew that he could do better. He made her laugh, yet she laughed heartier when Calum would joke with her. Drew kissed her, yet Calum knew he would do better.

But he didn’t deserve her. Not in any way, shape or form. He had ruined his chances with her the minute he told her she wasn’t good enough to be with him.

Every interaction between the former friends was cold. Y/N looked as if she were fighting back tears and Calum often had to leave the room as his own fell. The band knew what happened between the two; they had been there to pick up the pieces for Calum as Y/N called their manager to quit and took off. She was determined to prove Calum wrong, and everybody knew it.

She kept Sierra up to date with her whereabouts, and job prospects. The two had grown closer as the older woman comforted Y/N. Sierra, in turn, kept Luke updated, and he the rest of the band - except Calum. Whenever he heard her name, he would get angry. It took him months to realise that his anger wasn’t directed towards Y/N, but himself. He let her get away. He was scared to open up. He got defensive, rude, nasty. He broke her heart and stomped on it as he left. All for what?

Drew knew nothing of the relationship between the two, just that they were once friends. He didn’t pry, nor did he try to figure out why the two didn’t talk, he simply made sure to comfort Y/N in anyway after a long day.

Things came to a head very quickly as they hit their 12th show of the tour. The entirety of the trip had been tense. There were very few photos of Calum captured, blatant ignorance as Calum tried to speak to Y/N and many outbursts of anger from the pair. Ashton and Michael had enough.

One fine, aesthetically pleasing Tuesday afternoon, the two broke the ambient air with their shouting. All because of the lack of Calum content on the band Instagram.

“If I see one more comment asking for more Calum, I might scream. There’s enough me content. We don’t need him,” Michael whined, scrolling through Instagram on his phone as Y/N sat next to him, back leaned against Drew, laptop on her lap.

“I think we might need to get some more pictures of the man up there, Y/N,” Luke said, his voice soft, eyes softer. He sent her a sympathetic smile, knowing exactly why there is an acute lack of the Maori man.

Calum scoffed from the other side of the room. They were all situated in Ashton’s hotel room, empty pizza boxes on the tables and floor in front of them. “Why would she do that?”

“Cal,” Luke warned, only to be interrupted by his other friend.

“Sorry, I didn’t think I was good enough to take pictures of you,” Y/N spat, not looking up from her device. “Do it yourself. After all, any genius could do it, right?” The venom made everybody recoil, bar Calum.

He made an interested sound, walking closer to where she was sitting. “Tough words, careful. You might up and run away again, Y/N.” He was mad. She had left them all. She didn’t even give him the chance to talk about it when he wasn’t angry. She blocked his number as soon as she left. She cut him out of her life.

Y/N slammed her laptop shut, standing faster than anybody expected. Her and Calum were practically face-to-face at this point. Ashton was on his feet, surprised at the speed of escalation. “My time of taking photos of narcissistic, degrading assholes is over. Go find somebody else to toy with, Calum.”

“Still playing the victim, are we-“

“Enough!” Ashton had hit his point. For too long, the pair had been making the trip uncomfortable. It was putting a strain on the performance of everybody, and now causing issues with the fans. “Y/N sit down. Calum you sit over there and shut your damn mouth for a minute. Everybody else, get out.” It was rare for Ashton to lose his cool. He was the most composed of all of them, and often played the part of the most mature band member. It was a well known fact that when Ashton had enough, it was time for things to be sorted before shit hit the fan for good. As he ordered, everybody filed out except for the two in question. Y/N sat with a scowl on her face, arms folded across her chest as she chewed at the inside of her cheek. Calum sat on the bed across the room, facing the other direction for fear of lashing out again.

“Ashton what is going on-“

“Zip it, sugarface,” he raised a finger to Y/N silencing her with the gesture. “Enough is enough. This shit keeps going on and it is affecting all of us.” His brow was furrowed deep, jaw set and red hair mirroring his mood adequately. “Calum, you fucked up big time. Y/N you ran off and cut all contact. We have 7 hours until our show, and our sound check starts in 4 hours. You have two and a half to sort this shit out, or we will sort out other arrangements.”

“Ashton, this really isn’t necessary-“

“I don’t care. I’m leaving now and you’re stuck in here. I suggest sorting this out because we have all had enough of it.”

Y/N nodded, watching Calum closely across the room. He stayed silent, back still turned towards his friend and the woman he loved. This was his chance to explain everything, but it could also be his change to ruin things more than they already are. Given his track record, he wouldn’t be surprised if the tables shifted in favour of the latter.

The door closed behind Ashton, silence enveloping the room and making the air more heavy. Y/N felt the discomfort settle on top of the air, weighing it down on her skin until she felt as if her head were spinning.

Half an hour passed. They sat on either sides of the room still, both holding their words in out of spite.

“Why did you leave?” The words fell from his lips before he could think about them. It had been playing on his mind for so long. After a few days, when he had cooled down, he wanted to call her. He wanted to tell her that he was scared and angry and frustrated at himself. That he didn’t want somebody like her to be ruined by him and the life he lived.

“What?” She snipped, not looking up from her phone.

“Why did you leave?” He repeated.

A humorless laugh left her lips, much like the night he saw her last. “You’re joking, right? How could you expect me to stay after that?”

He finally turned to face her, she looked disinterested. Her attention was on her phone - probably messaging drew, he thought - and definitely not on the conversation they were meant to be having. Even after so long, she was still so beautiful in his eyes. Her temper was overwhelming, but she never showed anger towards another unless she had been wrong, and boy, did he do her wrong.

“I tried to apologise, Y/N. I called you, texted-“

“And I waited, Calum.” She was mad, yet calm. Her eyes were burning with fury, jaw clenched hard as she gritted words through teeth. “I waited two days. I got nothing from you, you ignored my calls, and I had enough.”

He huffed, a heavy breath leaving his nostrils, “So because I ignored you for a few days, you left? You left us without a photographer, without a friend, just to go screw around with the Chainsmokers?” He was angry. So was she. He was standing. She was sitting, phone clenched between white knuckles.

“I left,” she was on her feet now, almost chest-to-chest with him and radiating far more anger than he had ever seen, “because you not only degraded and embarrassed me, you criticized my career. I was terrified to open up to you. I knew you wouldn’t feel the same because I was hold never be good enough for you, but I tried. I tried to be open and all I got was made a mockery out of and told that I was practically worthless in my position working with the band.” She stepped closer to him, now at a point where they could stare at one another. Her phone had been thrown aside now, flung from her fingers as she stood. “I spent seven years with you all. I was there for you through everything. I fell in love with you, Calum. And you destroyed it within an hour.”

Her words were venomous, cutting deep along Calum’s heart and allowing the reality to finally, completely, sink in. He caused this. He made her leave because he treated her confession as a joke. He is the reason she is with Drew now, no longer his friend, or his lover. Or even his coworker. It is all his fault.

He slumped down onto the seat next to him, holding his head in his hands and trying to compose himself. He couldn’t even apologise, for he didn’t trust his voice.

“I gave you everything, Calum, and you threw it back in my face. How could I stick around?” She couldn’t look at him. Whether it was out of anger or sadness, or even fear of him making a fool of her again. She couldn’t bring herself to do it, so she turned around, staring out of the window of the hotel room.

They had a nice view, and she allowed it to distract her eyes from harboring tears.

She heard the rustling of fabric behind her, along with the creak of the chair beneath Calum. The soft padding on carpet told her that he was walking closer to her.

“I-“ he started, taking in a breath. She could hear the emotion. “I can’t begin to tell you how much I hate myself for what I did to you that day, Y/N.” He had tears streaming down his face, she could see so in the reflection in the window. “I don’t know why I said those things. I should never have told you that you weren’t good enough, or insulted the career that you built for yourself. I’ve been replaying that day over and over since it happened, Y/N. I knew that I loved you four years ago, and hearing you say it, after I tried my hardest to push down those feelings - I don’t know why but I got so defensive-“

“Shut your mouth.” She hissed, turning and allowing her anger to resurface. “For fuck sakes, Calum. Don’t try and play with my head again. You didn’t love me, not like that.”

“I loved you more than I have loved anybody else, Y/N.” He whispered, voice steady and his eyes not leaving hers. He was telling the truth, and they both knew it. “I fell in love with you so many years ago. I didn’t want to do anything to ruin this, but then you told me what I had been dying to hear for so long.” He sniffed, brushing tears away aggressively as he pressed his palms into his eyes. “I’m an idiot.”

“I can’t help but agree with you.” Y/N turned away from the window, the view no longer appealing as her own reflection became far too evident, along with Calum’s.

Another few minutes passed, both now situated in the seats they previously occupied. Y/N had her knees pulled up to her chest, picking at her fingernails. Calum was staring at his feet.

“I’ve found that if I close my eyes, I can sometimes pretend that Drew is you,” Y/N whispered. Her voice was full of pain. She was still processing the information that Calum had fed her. Still trying to figure out what to say to him. She figured the truth was better than anything. “I want - I wanted a future with you, Calum. I wanted to be able to wake up knowing that the man I loved, loved me back. That the man who knew me better than anybody else, was there with me. Hearing you say those things to me was the worst thing I could have experienced.”

“Y/N, I-“

“I hate to say it, but I still love you. I still wish that every time I fell asleep with Drew, it was you beside me. It’s easy to pretend.” Her own tears fell. “I can’t forgive you so easily. I can’t just forget everything that you said. I can’t forget how much I want to be with you.”

“Just one more chance, Y/N, please?” Calum was focused solely on her. He was ready and willing to be down on his knees, begging to have her in his life again. Not even for love. He would be fine to simply be able to watch a movie with her, joke with her. Love her like he did before. “I know I can’t make up for it right now, but I love you so much. I would spend the rest of my life showing you how sorry I am, if you would let me. You deserve far better than me.”

For possibly the millionth time, Y/N was at a loss for words. Calum kept his vulnerability from many people, but Y/N could often read him like a book. Unfortunately, he could do the same for her.

“You don’t need to give me an answer right now, we have a few more months of the tour left. Whatever you decide, I’ll be fine with. You never want to see me again, I’ll stay away. You want to give me a second chance, and I will spend every day of our life together making up for all of the years that I kept my mouth shut and the horrible things I said to you and the pain I caused you for the past nine months.”

A sob tore from her throat, her eyes clenched as she let his words hit her soul.

Thankfully, the door clicked. It opened cautiously, a head of red hair poking through, Ashton eyeing the pair warily.

“I can’t do this right now, Cal,” Y/N blurted, taking the chance to rise to her feet and push past Ashton and the other guys. Drew watched after her with confusion, as did Luke and Michael.

Ashton glared at Calum, “You suck at apologizing.”

Tag list: @starshonerose @theanswertoeverythingisl0v3 @mantlereid @another-lonely-heart

[pillowfluffs]

You Not Wanting Kids | NCT 127

Pairing: NCT 127 X Reader (female) 

Genre: fluffyyyy

Author’s Note: Thanks for requesting, anon! Hope this is okay since I’ve never written a reaction with them... This was actually quite hard cause I kept thinking “they would all be chill about it, although some would be more bummed than others...” 

Warnings: suggestive with johnny and Jaehyun 👀 

Taeil: 

Snowflakes slowly fell from the night sky, layering a thick blanket of snow over the buildings, houses, and streets

the weather felt like it was slowly getting worse as it got colder in the night 

a few of the members were in their rooms, doing their own things, and a few others were all about, somewhere in the dorms 

you were a regular guest in their dorms so there was no surprise on their end if they walked into the living room to find you and taeil together

Taeil and everyone else had to stay indoors to stay safe from a cold spreading around but also the weather

You laid your head on his chest and your body in between his legs with one hand resting on your back while the other was behind his head, propping it up

He put on a romantic movie and cherished this time during the holidays he got off with you

Seeing the kids bounce in joy on the screen sparked a thought in his head

“Do you want kids?” He nudged/ rubbed your back, curious

“Mmm, not really. I can’t really see myself as a mom...” you spoke. “I don’t do well with others being sick or throwing up near or on me.”

It was a thought you had as a kid and it stuck with you as you grew up

You didn’t really want kids

You didn’t want to deal with the financial parts behind it, the late nights where you could barely sleep

Which you heard from your coworkers

It sounded so miserable even though babies were cute

You just didn’t really want to go through it

He nodded, curious about your reasons but didn’t push further

Johnny: 

The two of you ordered some take out for dinner

Fine wines to go with them too

The two of you sat at the living room table and just watched whatever was on tv

And then it became more of a question game

You two had been together for a while

A couple months but there were still things about you that Johnny didn’t know about like you not knowing everything about Johnny

Though he was mostly an open book

You asked him some questions

Pretty generic, not too deep just yet

But then as the night went on, the two of you found yourself talking longer about your pasts, the future

Talks about dreams and aspiration, what he wanted to do in life, what you wanted to do

Things he wanted in life, things you wanted

“Do you want kids?”

“Uh, not really?” Your voice went higher as the words fell

You knew for your age, after getting to work, couples your age would usually get married and settle down and have kids

But you honestly didn’t really want any

You’ve heard enough from your family when they asked you if you sre gonna marry soon and settle down

They really wanted grandchildren

Johnny was super chill and accepting of it

I’m sure all of them would be and respect your decision of course

He went on to the next question like nothing because it wasn’t that big of a deal

But he did wink at you

“If you ever change your mind, you know my number ;)”

Yuta: 

the music from the stereos echoed around the dance studio as he moved with rhythm 

he moved so easily, he was so eye catching with the way he moved 

he gave you a smirk or a smile depending on the music playing whenever his eyes met yours through his reflection on the mirror wall 

he looked so good 

he slid down the wall and plopped down beside you as you handed him a cool water bottle from a little cooler and draped a towel around his shoulders 

the two of you had been together for almost a year now and you felt like you needed to say this 

“I don’t kids,” you said bluntly 

he practically choked on his water since this literally came out of nowhere

“okay?” 

“you’re not upset about that?” 

“not too much since I have a feeling our kids would be so beautiful, but it’s your body.” 

He respected your decision very much 

and he still had his intentions on being with you in the future 

it was a weight off for you since you knew this was a dealbreaker for your past relationships 

they wanted kids and you didn’t and it just didn’t work out 

but you met yuta

and in this moment, it felt like a weight was lifted off of you 

and maybe just maybe, you would even change your decision 

Taeyong: 

the sun was shining beautifully 

clouds rolled by in the sky as the two of you sat on a blanket, enjoying a picnic together in a public park 

there were other couples spread out, doing their own thing 

he brought the foods for the two of you while you brought some activities like little games but so far you two had been here all day and the games were over 

be brought fruits and veggies with dips, cute little drinks

but he also brought kimbap, mandoo (dumplings), milks and cute sodas

the weather was perfect and so was this date 

after playing the games you brought a couple times, the two of you ended up playing this last one you brought 

it was a box that you found at the mall that sold party games and such 

each person took a turn to draw a card and everyone went around to answer the question on the card 

there were cards that asked about favorite foods, books, movies, hobbies 

as the sun began to set, the deeper and closer the two of you bonded sharing interests and opinions 

then your question came up: do you want kids? 

“I would like some, they’re so cute.” Taeyong was amazing with kids. “how about you?” 

from what you were able to see when they were teachers for the day 

you knew he would make a great father to his kids 

other too 

but you had your doubts yourself about being a parent. 

“I don’t think I would make a good parent so I don’t really want any,” you said to which he nodded 

but he also reassured you that from what he knew about your personality, he thought contrary to your belief 

Doyoung: 

During a road trip, the two of you played a questionnaire game 

more or less like 21 questions 

as he drove, the two of you took turns asking questions about one another or about anything 

you looked through on your phone, struggling to find some yourself yet Doyoung was able to think of so many questions so easily off the top of his head 

he wanted you to take you into the country side to take a breather from your busy work and the buzzing city life 

the country side was beautiful from all the shows and dramas you watched and he saw the way you were amazed 

so today was the day he was bringing you out to spend in the country side for a few days in an airbnb

As he drove on the long, empty road, his question appeared 

“Do you want kids?” 

“No, not really.” 

Doyoung was confused as to why you didn’t want any 

he was also pretty bummed because he was a really great family guy 

he wanted to start one with you and to have kids of his own that he could raise to be great people in this world 

“How come?” he asked, wanting to know more 

“I’m not the best with kids... So I don’t really want any of my own.” 

His mind was suddenly buzzing with questions and retorts 

but he had to filter himself 

he knew he couldn’t force you to have kids and also force you to do things you didn’t want to do 

but throughout the rest of the car ride, he persisted carefully on this topic as if he was persuading you/ tempting you to change your mind 

in the best way possible because he wanted to have kids with you

Jaehyun: 

the afternoon sun shone in through the skylight in your bedroom, making everything seem very pretty since your room had a white aesthetic 

it was very photo worthy if you had a photoshoot

you slowly woke up as Jaehyun stirred in his sleep beside you, your bare bodies beside each other 

clothes discarded on the ground 

it was a very.. fun... night in simple terms 

Jaehyun took in the lovely sight of your skin exposed in the bright afternoon sun, how ethereal it made you look with your upper half pressed into the mattress and your lower half hidden beneath the blanket 

of course he looked the same way from your perspective 

his muscles were sculpted and toned very nicely, the sun shining on his body, showing all the shadows in his muscles 

He laid with you in his arms, your head rested on his chest as he stroked your hair, tucking strands of your hair behind your ear

thinking about last night’s activities, he thought about the future 

and like the hypothetical scenario of you getting pregnant and having kids with you 

“what if we had kids?” 

“Mmm, why?” 

“I was just thinking about last night and like what if we had some?” 

“Oh, I don’t really want any,” you said 

“Oh, how come,” he asked as he tucked another hair behind your ear. “You would be a great mom. We would be great parents,” he curled his lips, showing off his dimple

“Mmm, maybe, but I just don’t really want any.” You said, pressing your cheek to his chest, drawing light lines on his skin 

“Mmhm.” 

Jaehyun was kind of bummed since he, like Taeyong, thought kids were adorable and he was actually quite good with them 

he hoped in the future, your stance would change and the two of you could perhaps one day start a family together 

Winwin: 

The room was dark as he laid on his bed as he texted you while it was just morning for you 

he guessed you were probably about to start work soon considering the hour it was back home 

the two of you talked about random things, mostly about the foods he’s eating, the things he’s seeing

he sent multiple pictures that yuta took for him 

he talked about how different things were and how they worked compared to asia

everything felt so different and he really liked it 

but he was pretty nervous about the language barrier 

eventually, the group at the end of the day played around by the pool at their hotel and yuta and winwin and taeil took some pictures at this little playground for kids 

there were a few kids with their families 

one family, this teenage daughter recognized the three of them and asked for a picture and he even got a copy of it and sent it to you 

it was the three of them, the teenage girl, and her baby brother 

“the little boy was so cute” he said with cute emojis

“Do you want kids one day?” 

You agreed with him how adorable the kids were but you didn’t really want kids 

there wasn’t any particular reason, you didn’t hate or dislike them in any way 

you actually did like them 

but you just didn’t really want any 

when he asked why and you gave him no particular reason, he just went on talking about the trip but it was like a recurring thought for him 

he was curious as to why but he wasn’t upset or anything by your decision

Jungwoo: 

this mans was your kid 

you spent some time with him in his dorm as he was on hiatus

the two of you spent some time in the empty dorms to yourselves

going out for food sometimes but also ordering take out, even making things like ramen with special additions of meat and such 

you guys went around town, going to the malls with of course concealing your identities from anyone cough dispatch

you even played a little game where at some point, one would buy something they think the other would like but it has to be a complete surprise 

so the two of you had to be sneaky on your own 

it was actually pretty fun 

the two of you couldn’t decide on just a single thing so it became three things 

and then you two would exchange and go over why you picked your things and he picked yours back at the dorms 

but also of course there was a price limit so nothing would be too expensive 

You picked out a little character dispenser for wipes because you liked how he liked to stay clean, a cute keychain with a cute dog on it that he could also put his ID in, and finally a little snack that he could enjoy later 

mans loves to eat 

he picked out a little stuffed animal, a little pouch with one of your favorite characters on it, and a little toy that was usually for children but he thought you would like it 

you did and it’s the thought that counts

the two of you ended uop laughing over how childlike these items were and out of curiosity, he asked: do you want kids? 

“personally, not really. I don’t want to go through that pain and finance in the future.” 

He nodded as he listened intently, understanding the financial part but he could only imagine the pain it was for women to have kids 

but he did want kids one day though, so this bummed him out only a tad bit, but not entirely 

Mark:

Mark was a very very busy person 

thanks sm for not letting him rest >:(

so of course this meant he didn’t have too much free time to spend time with you or other friends

even the dreamies who had removed him from their group chats a couple times only to add him back and then this cycle continued 

so of course the two days he was finally free from his schedule before he was about to debut again in SuperM, he took the chance to spend time with people 

he spent almost all day with the dreamies, drinking bubble tea and sodas with them, playing video games and pubg as a group on their phones

then at night, he spent some time with you after dinner 

he picked you up from your house and from there, the two of you just wandered around the neighborhood 

he made sure you were safe of course 

it had been a spell of time since he was able to formally hang out with you and it was much overdue 

he held your hand in his as the two of you walked under the clear night sky, the street illuminated from the bright full moon and the twinkling stars thousands and thousands of miles away 

the two of you sat at your elementary school playground, sitting on the aged swings, the same exact ones the two of you used to sit together in as kids 

now that you guys were older and you guys had been together for quite some time now, he was curious 

“do you want kids?”

“Nope,” you said straight forward, feeling weightless as you said this. “Of course we’re still too young to even think about parenthood but in general, I don’t think I would want any. I for sure don’t want any now.” 

he nodded surprised since most girls often talked about finding the right person to get together and have a family with 

“Do you want kids?” you asked which made him blush 

the thought of having kids was nice but you were right, it was way too early to even think about having kids 

maybe one day though

Haechan: 

The day was long and hectic for Haechan 

he spent his day rehearsing for NCT Dream’s upcoming comeback, practicing the choreo, working out, recording for future events that were unknown 

everything felt so busy around him 

he needed a breather 

so he called you when he finally got the chance

he was one of the few left in the studio and he didnt want to go back just yet 

you were at home, taking care of your neighbor’s baby while they were out at a dinner with their coworkers 

babies were hard and you learned that it was pretty tough 

Haechan facetime called you so you could hold the baby and he could also see them too 

when you answered, the first thing he saw was them sitting in your lap 

it was so cute, he let out a playful squeal, trying to get the their attention on the phone

but you were about to put them to bed soon so you sat holding your phone in the rocking chair your neighbors had set up in the nursery beside the crib 

it was actually very comfortable, it made you yawn which made him yawn 

but you seemed so natural despite the messages you sent him throughout the day about the baby doing gross things 

“Do you want kids in the future?” he asked out of the blue as you carefully put the cooing baby down into its crib 

“after today and how tired I feel, no, not at all.” you spoke softly and laughed as you went back to the rocking chair, making sure it fell asleep before you went back downstairs 

“they threw up on me like twice today and im- ugh,” you gagged, making him laugh. “but even in the future, I don’t think so,” to which he nodded as he listened 

but he strongly thought you would make such a fun parent like he would 

Overall, I think they would, of course, respect your decision since it’s your body.

~~~~~ Masterlist for more! Thank you for reading!

[void-tiger]

Tagged by @curiosity-killed (thanks for the tag!!)

roses or daisies:

DAISIES!!! They’re so simple and cheery have just as many colors and look delicate but are actually really tenacious? Also, how charming is Day’s Eye (and asters in general having the habit of facing eachother if they’re not turned towards the light--I think I have a picture of dahlias doing this from last autumn--and like. Star Flower. Okay, I’ll shut up now xD )

classical or lofi:

...okay so I admit I had to look this one up. But easily some of my favorite tracks are those Hidden Ones that bands plop onto their albums to fill up leftover space, but are often basically just scrapped recording or practice sessions? The bloopers and their creative process, basically. Cut to me googling and youtubing it and finding hiphop lofi and...yeah! Definitely Lofi.

(Classical vs OST and Modern Classical (that’s composed to be a lot more cinematic) just...really puts me on edge. It’s too mathematical...to put it nicely.)

So...yeah. Slow beats and something that sounds experimental or like a jamming session? It’s soothing and kinda ideal for background noise.

sunrises or sunsets:

Sunset. One, never ever gonna be a “morning person”. Forget it. Two, sunsets often have more dramatic colors and still make the landscape glow and you get to see stars peeping out vs fading. Also, y’know. I’m actually awake to appreciate it vs groggy and legit physically ill.

honey or lemon:

Honey as a condiment. Lemon for sweets flavor. (Baklava’s probably the exception...then again I haven’t had that many honey-flavored sweets, I guess? But Lemon-Poppyseed?? Definitely one of my favorites,)

coffee or tea:

Coffee. I adore tea service aesthetics and will someday probably collect them (especially the really quirky or earthen or blownglass ones vs the froufrou european ones)...buuuut, I just haven’t really had A Good Cuppa Tea much at all. There was this spiced tea I’ve had in Jordan that was AMAZING and I do like greentea (with...A LOT of sugar or honey...) but. I’ve just never really had tea. My family’s coffee drinkers, so the smell of coffee is nostalgic. (And yes, I’m basic enough that I prefer flavored, sweetened creamers; and my coffee brewed or spiced with, like, cinnamon and nutmeg, too. Or as a mocha.)

...I also have a Bad Habit of abandoning my Herbal “Teas” with the bags either left steeping too long (I have gotten better at using a timer) or while waiting for them to cool. And while I’d just really love it for Uncle Iroh to make me tea (provided he doesn’t get on my case about wanting sugar and maybe cream), the Times and Temperatures are just so dang fussy!! I...don’t think I have the patience for that.

enemies to lovers or friends to lovers:

Friends to Lovers. I just...don’t Get It with the sexual tension~ that seems to be the driving force behind enemies to lovers...I guess?? (That, and unless it’s literally on a battlefield, HARD PASS. I’ve had people try to blow off my complaints about getting repeatedly tormented as “he liiiiiikes you~” bullshit to ever be comfortable with it as anything but Legit Two Sides Of A Battle/Political Conflict. Sorry.)

But, Friends to Lovers? That Bond. And then the ...Oh. The domesticity and trust and safety. Also it is RIPE for Idiots to Lovers mutual pining xD

(bonus points if both parties decide ahead of time, “hey. even if dating doesn’t work out I still value your friendship in my life, so no pressure about ‘ruining things,’“ And then, of course, it does work out and there was nothing to be anxious about, after all.)

rainy days or sunny days:

...cop out but, overcast days with Soft Sunlight and Cloudbreaks?? I do like a clear skies sunny day, but, my eyes are also so sensitive to light that it can be painful. Rainy days can be soothing...but the rain has to be A Certain Way. Too heavy and with too much wind behind it and it can get me anxious. (My childhood home had Every Rain is Severe Weather...with no place to shelter. It’s gonna take awhile before i can appreciate it like i’d want.)

jupiter or mars:

Jupiter. GIANT. DEADLY. MARBLE (that wants to eeeaaat meeeee...) Also Pluto, and the jovian moons.

aphrodite or athena:

Athena!! She’s an ace icon, aight?? And also strikes me as...very, very Tired with everyone’s bullshit. Also...all the greek gods are kinda assholes. So. Yeah. She ain’t perfect and her characterization’s at the mercy of whatever myth in question, but generally she strikes me as practical and sensible and having Mercy...sometimes. As much as that group is capable of it, anyway...

rome or greece:

...probably Ancient Rome as a “ancient culture to explore but a YIKES (but. so is ancient greece.)” But visiting IRL in the present? Greece.

sun or moon:

Moon. I appreciate what the sun does and I do like feeling sunlight and all that...but, I’m also a night person. And I can look at the moon without risk of blindness and admire its corona and that rainbow corona you can see just a bit further out if you know where and how to look. BUT. The moon easily loses out to a starfield, especially if the light pollution and humidity are both low enough that ya get to actually see the milky way’s galaxy arm. (The irony that the sun IS our local star does not elude me.)

1920s or 1990s:

...neither?? 90s only slightly win out ‘cause I’m a ‘93 Kid and the 90s and 00s had some incredible toys and cartoons. And, idk. I still like overall pants and shorts. Always have. While a flapper dress would be “oooh pretty! starlight beading! Now OFF. Back to regular clothes for ‘Sporing or Comfy Lounging.”

blizzard or thunderstorm:

Blizzard. Also. Have you considered...thundersnow??

(Admittedly? I’ve also never been through a snowstorm that threatened by health&safety. The same cannot be said about thunderstorms when nearly every one could or would spawn tornados and severe straightline winds that could knock down trees and powerlines and sometimes even damage homes. While living in a home with NO safe place to shelter. Not even an interior closet or bathroom. NOT. FUN.)

midnight memories or made in the am:

...what?? [googles] ...OH...they’re...albums. UH. Neither?? (I don’t listen to them...?)

sage green or vanilla white:

Sage green. It’s kinda a nostalgic color somehow? Also. Just not a fan of monochrome...at all. I see it? I instantly want it to be a backdrop. Negative space. For COLOR. (jewel tones for whites/light neutrals and browns; NEONS for blacks and dark greys. Preference for Jewel Tones over Neons...wait. What was the question again??? OH YEAH..uh... I do like vanilla icecream? With rainbow sprinkles. Or...paired with hot fruit pie or cobbler. Or cookies. Um...yeah I should prolly shutup now. xD )

folklore or lover:

...I don’t...understand??? But...I like Folkslore as in...folklore??? Fairytales, Legends, Myths... (also, so frikkin ace I’m just. not ever gonna pick “lover”)

croissant or macaroon:

...why would you do this to me. I make a beeline for croissants because...Soft Flaky Buttery Bread. And they are So Good as a savory sandwich sorta thing. Easily better than english muffins or crumpets, tho biscuits have a fighting chance. But LIKE. Soft breads. My weakness as a kid.

...but a good macaroon?? It is so light and crisp and TINY and like?? how does it taste like coffee??? and berries????? (Too bad they are So EXPENSIVE. While even cheap croissants are almost always Good.)

ballgowns or pantsuits:

I like the aesthetics of a ballgown. But never the pricetag, I wouldn’t wanna live in that thing for more than an hour, tops (and. so much damn work!!) and I’m stuck looking at them Defying (boob) Physics and just...dying a little inside. With my rare It Pretty Want Pretty wilting with it. But...it’s rare that pantsuits really...look like anything. (They also look uncomfortable and yet another Wardrobe Disaster and Do I HAVE To??? if I think about...actually wearing them. But, Legs Free No Tripping...I guess??)

hades or zeus:

I only wanna EVER meet Zeus if I get to castrate the bastard and lock ‘im up where he’ll NEVER get back out. Hades, tho...I’m WATCHING you, Bub. (Why yes, I agree with Demeter on this one.)

platonic love or sensual love:

Platonic. Cuddling and Kissing are technically Sensual but, y’know what? They ain’t exclusive to sexual or romantic loves (and I just. really do not want kissing at all. MAYBE a quick kiss on the forehead or fingertips but LIKE. That’s it. And it’s cute af for...literally ANY Love Type.)

light academia or cottagecore:

Honestly? A mix between the two. Cottagecore with my charming little home with its overgrown flowerbed of wildflowers (and asters! All the asters) and produce grown in large pots or hanging baskets...and inside the walls are covered with overflowing shelves of books and knicknacks and other Neat Things. Oh, and naturally a tea service (might not actually have tea in it...) and tons of pillows and blankets, and lamps and lanterns Everywhere for warm and soft (and colorful) light to read by while music plays softly in the background. And the home smells like something I just made for Supper or Snacks, or like a food-scented candle.

-

Aaaaaand tagging @mckinlily @headspacedad @aairachnid @synergetic-prose and whoever else wants to play! No obligation to play if tagged.

[astraltrain]

i realize i haven't talked about gorillaz hcs on here in a Fat Second so here i go. trigger warnings for uhhh abuse, trauma, suicide mention, alcohol mention, death mention, experimentation (for noodle) - this is gorillaz there's a lot. this is also SUPER LONG so i'll try and add a read more

every one of em has Trauma To The Max babey!!!! these guys have been to hell and back!!! literally in murdoc's case

cyborg could talk! she just chose not to. also murdoc realized programming her with a voice was annoying because she Looked like noodle but he couldn't make her sound exactly like her and it pissed him off. every word cyborg learned was through murdoc/2D/the book of man/various other scrap pieces of paper she found

russel n del were boyfs. fuck you

2D is the only straight member. i think this is canon actually ngl (was it ever made canon that russel n del were together?? i don't remember)

russel truly believes del was his soulmate and that he'll never find love again

every year on the anniversary of d-day 2D goes back to the place where the uncle norm's organ emporium was (which is now a greggs. i know my gorillaz lore) and just vibes for a bit

russel likes to visit graveyards and play music for the lonely spirits who don't get visitors

2D accompanied him once on one of these trips and it was wild cause 2D's like "russel russel russel are there any spirits near me" as like. all of the spirits huddle next to russel because 2D is loud and annoying. russel's like "oh yeah dee there's tons of spirits over there they really like you. why don't you sing for them" and dee's like :DD

2D is generally pretty oblivious. but. he noticed russel was really sad and missing del during phase two and wrote mr softy's balloon race to cheer him up. it was one of the nicest things russel had received in years and he cried over it for hours. what 2D Didn't know was that he'd just saved russel's life and he didn't even know it.

noodle as a ten year old didn't realize How Bad the relationship between murdoc and 2D was. obviously she'd had a really fucked up childhood so far so when murdoc would hurt 2D and 2D would laugh and play it off so as not to scare noodle, noodle was just like :DDD thinking it was all ok

it was during the time that noodle was alone in phase two after remembering her past that she was like. o h n o that was bad wasn't it

noodle met a girl in japan and lowkey fell in love with her, but they had to split so noodle could go back to kong. she wrote every planet we reach is dead for her

2D and noodle never got to properly reunite in phase three. by the time doyathing happened, 2D hadn't seen her in like seven years

murdoc is trying to be less of a terrible person now and all the other members take advantage of it. russel's like "can i get a coffee please murdoc" and murdoc goes "fuck off" but all russel has to say is "remember when you thought i'd offed myself so you replaced me with a drum machine" and murdoc's like. "how many sugars" dhdgdgdh

noodle n 2D fucking love to dance together like absolute nerds

2D is like. the awkward big brother

they are each others wingmen when picking up girls

except 2D doesn't do that as much anymore so in reality he tries to be noodle's wingman but it fails miserably because 2D Can't Do Social Interaction

the boogieman and the evangelist were murdoc's parents

all the band have really bad insomnia and nightmares so sometimes they all have sleepovers in one room and just. watch a movie and sit on their phones but they're in each other's company and that's all they need

they all have a fear of helicopters, especially noodle

russel became extremely claustrophobic after his time in north korea which was very understandable

all of them have pretty weird triggers but none of them question them. noodle starts freaking out cause 2D's eating bacon and he's like "o shit sorry i'll go to another room" they're all very respectful and it's great

the reason 2D had that bead curtain door in phase four was cause after plastic beach, he couldn't stand to be in rooms with closed doors anymore

also! more 2D angst! he didn't sing for like. a good couple years after plastic beach because Trauma Babey!! so when he had to sing again for humanz, the first time he got into the studio he just. had a complete fucking meltdown because he was so scared to sing again. eventually he managed it but he literally couldn't sing with murdoc around because he was so afraid of him

noodle sometimes does really childish stuff because obviously she had no fucking childhood and the others just let her go for it and support her if she gets embarrassed about it

noodle has killed people. lots of em. some against her will as a kid, some more recently. she has a lot of nightmares about it but unlike the rest of the band, she does Really good self care and looks after herself really well

the band sometimes go on spontaneous road trips and usually end up getting lost and taking aesthetic pictures at gas stations

noodle very rarely cries because she would have gotten into trouble for that as a kid so she bottles all her emotions up in favour of helping her family. when she started going to therapy she pretended all was well for a little while but that didn't work for very long and she completely broke down. russel was very surprised to see noodle come home that day in tears and just throw herself into his arms

noodle really likes fashion and clothes and makeup!! she likes to be Colourful and Bright

when she first arrived at kong at ten years old, she really didn't understand what was going on. none of the band spoke any japanese so she was under the impression that these people were new doctors who were going to train/test on her. she stuck to the routine she was given back in japan and was very surprised when the others didn't do the same. like small green man it's three in the afternoon why are you just up?? big bald man why are you just going to bed??? where is the tall blue man WHAT IS GOING ON

none of the band members were qualified to be parents. at all. they were all very messed up mentally and therefore noodle just kinda did what she wanted as a kid

noodle was exposed to a lot of bad shit while in kong. 2D and murdoc were not responsible at all about what they did and said around noodle so russel tried to be more responsible about that, but little noodle's just like "oh don't worry i've seen worse" and russel's like ?????

noodle was the one to rebuild cyborg out of the parts she had left from plastic beach. she did this while murdoc was in prison just to prove she could

2D has an extreme fear of cyborg, which is. obvious

noodle didn't tell 2D she was rebuilding cyborg. when he finds out he flips his shit and noodle's like. ah. maybe this was not a great idea

cyborg has now formed her own band! the rejects!

2D wears little bobby pins in his hair behind his ear which the band sometimes lowkey makes fun of him for until one day noodle asks why and he tells her it was because back on plastic beach, murdoc would sometimes be too drunk to remember to bring 2D food so he had to pick the lock and go steal some. so Yikes babey!!!!!!

writing the fall was the only thing that helped 2D cope during plastic beach. that's why there was barely any singing on it - this was HIS album, HIS voice, not murdoc's. he could do what he wanted with it. writing it was the only thing that kept him sane

noodle's the only member who hasn't tried to off herself at any point oop

they're all doing a lot better now cause they're all going to therapy yes even murdoc! yay fun happy times

russel taught noodle english and in return noodle taught him japanese. russel can now speak pretty good japanese and 2D knows like. the most basic of shit *flashbacks to the gshock interview video*

there was a while where noodle believed that literally all she was for was other people. that she was either a weapon or a guitarist and nothing more. it was only after she disappeared after phase two that she realized she could be more

she still has a scar from el mañana but she covers it up with makeup

2D and murdoc have made a pact to smoke/drink less, respectively. they also made what they called a "non suicide pact" - a pact not to off themselves, formed after 2D found murdoc shooting bullets into the ceiling in phase four

murdoc knew about the dartboard 2D had in his room that had his face on it because noodle and russel told him but he didn't really believe it until he went up into his room like "hey dents can i -" and 2D turns round and just stares at him, darts in hand fhgvhfhvf

murdoc: ....whatya doin' there dents

2D, turning back to the dartboard and throwing one straight into dartboard murdoc's eye: practicing for the real thing

hcvdhvdfhg anyway

sometimes 2D literally Cannot be around murdoc so he'll disappear for days without telling anyone cause he forgets that people worry about him oh no

murdoc says he wants to drink less alcohol cause he wants to better himself as a person but really it's because he can't drink without getting flashbacks to plastic beach

murdoc's memories of plastic beach aren't great. he was drunk out his mind most of the time so he luckily forgot a lot that comes back to haunt him in nightmares and has him waking up thinking "fuck did i really do that??" but yeah sometimes 2D just reminds him of something really awful he did and murdoc's like. a h

when ace came into gorillaz he was absolutely doing it for the paycheck. then he realized how Enormously Fucked Up these people were and was like o h n o

ace could not understand a word of 2D's english accent

ace once asked 2D why he was called that. 2D said "well my real name is stuart but murdoc calls me 2D and it stuck" and ace goes!!! that's bullshit!!! and he starts calling him stuart. he refuses to call him 2D. 2D gets so emotional over it he starts crying and ace is like "s h i t what do i do did i fuck up" but in reality dee's just glad to like. not be "2D" for once and to just be someone else

murdoc and 2D are heavily codependent on each other and it's extremely unhealthy cause obviously they're Really Bad For Each Other but. 2D's known murdoc since he was 19 and murdoc has never really left his life except for the one point before and after plastic beach. that's why when murdoc goes to prison in phase five, 2D just goes apeshit. because now 2D doesn't have the threat of murdoc constantly hanging over his head!! he's gone and 2D is free!!!! yay!!!!!!!

then he's like. o h. he's gone and i'm free. oh no

because he has no clue what to do with himself now!! his whole life revolved around murdoc and now murdoc is gone 2D's realizing "Oh No maybe our relationship WAS really unhealthy if i'm feeling this depressed now that he's gone!!!"

the now now was like. the fall part two: electric boogaloo in terms of how 2D wrote it to cope with his trauma

souk eye was like a really depressing love song

2D's lowkey a little in love with murdoc but not really in the romantic sense at all. and obviously it's not cute or reciprocated by murdoc or anything 2d.c shippers dni blease

he just. feels like murdoc's the only one who could ever love him and UGH it's so unhealthy. luckily noodle makes him go to therapy and he gets a bit better. by the time the end of phase five rolls around 2D's like >:D yeah!! i won't let you hurt me anymore murdoc!!!

then murdoc actually escapes and is rumored to be dead and the whole band just shuts down

because murdoc, like it or not (and none of them liked it), was the glue that held the band together. and fuck if it didn't fucking destroy them all a little bit, especially 2D

then murdoc showed up at their door and. 2D was the one to answer it without knowing it was murdoc. and there's noodle and also murdoc, still in his prison clothes, covered in literal shit, and the first thing he blurts out is "i listened to the album."

2D panics and slams the door in his face HCDGHGCDH

russel refuses to let murdoc inside unless he can give him one good reason to. noodle comes in through the back door and comforts her brother while he has a panic attack and murdoc's just. sitting at the door pouring his heart out to russel through the door. covered in shit. these guys need help man

eventually 2D and murdoc face each other again and oh lord. they're both crying and then murdoc apologizes and murdoc's never apologized for anything, ever, he never says he's sorry, and then they're hugging and noodle and russel are like !!!!!!!

meanwhile ace is like. can i get my paycheck. can i PLEASE get my paycheck

murdoc: here dents i got you a demon possessed yak. her name is madonna

ace, who's spent many a night listening to 2D cry and vent about murdoc and all he's done to him: surely he's not just gonna accept that and move on

russel and noodle, who know 2D far too well: oh he will. trust me he will

long story short 2D is now the proud father of a demon possessed yak named madonna

song machine is kind of like. their Big Project that they're putting together to try and bring them all closer as a family. it's kind of working but also not really. they're trying their best

they're all a good family and they have to stick together and they're messed up but they love each other!!!! that is all thank you and goodnight ladies and gentlemen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ninekings]

i was tagged by @mandalorr what a queen <333

rules: answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you want to get to know better

Name/Nickname: rachel

Gender: woman (she/her) 

Star sign: pisces sun, scorpio moon, gemini rising

Height: 5′2

Time: it’s 1:45pm for me

Birthday: feb 25!!

Favorite bands: the maine, cold war kids, mcr, mother mother, the mountain goats, death cab for cutie 

Favorite solo artists: hozier, orville peck,,, tbh i don’t listen to a lot of solo artists

Song stuck in your head: verbatim by mother mother, scotty doesn’t know by lustra, and all the things she said by tatu sdfhkhdj

Last movie: love actually (the only valid christmas movie besides bridget jones’s diary)

Last show: supernatural, unfortunately

When did I create this blog: oh my god this is actually so beyond embarrassing but in like 2012 i saw people posting about the m*shapocalypse and my middle school brain thought it was the funniest thing ever so.... now i’m trapped here <3

What I post: i try to stick to mostly pretty pictures bc that makes me happy but lately i have Not been able to shut up about supernatural so.... sorry abt that (this blog has truly seen it all tho.... if any of y’all remember me as anotherpointlessmcrblog circa 2013,,, good times. i also was a marvel and lord of the rings blog at 1 point + that’s where ninekings comes from lol)

Last thing I googled: how to format a block quote in MLA 

Other blogs: none that are active anymore

Do I get asks: no but pls come talk to me!! i have lots of Thoughts about supernatural at the moment but pls feel free to message me about anything xoxo

Why I chose my url: i accidentally answered this earlier but it’s a lotr reference but it’s also vague enough that i can also pass it off as like just aesthetic yk

Following: around 200! if anybody has any good aesthetic/fashion blogs pls send them my way

Followers: ~1350 but i think like 85% of that is from long-abandoned blogs so there are like 30 ppl at most who see my posts at this point. i rly just chat into the void in the tags 

Average hours of sleep: i just finished finals and i smoke too much sooooo lately i’ve been averaging around 12-14

Lucky number: 7

Instruments: piano, violin, and guitar. haven’t touched any of them in years tho 

What I’m wearing: my male manipulator fit (faded t shirt, flannel, beanie + as a bonus, my clear plastic glasses) and booty shorts that say “enemy of the state”, courtesy of @ayahoes

Dream job: ummm i literally have no idea LMAOO i’ve changed my major multiple times and i’m currently a history major (again) so i think i’ll prob end up teaching at a university or something like that!!

Dream trip: i want to visit old castles in europe but i also wanna go on a road trip across the US in a van so idk

Favorite food: taco bell black bean crunchwrap <33

Nationality: i’m american!!! (not to be That white person but my dad’s family is irish/scottish and my mom’s fam is eastern european jewish)

Favorite song(s): culture vulture by morning parade and all i want by adtr at the moment!!

Last book: the last book i finished was circe by madeline miller + i just started caliban and the witch by silvia federici (if ur reading this, send me book recommendations pls!!!)

Top 3 fictional universes I wanna live in: def harry potter and the lord of the rings. not sure abt the 3rd but maybe dragon age?? idk it kinda sucks there LMAO

anywho i hope you’re all having a great day/holiday season!! i’m just gonna tag the first few people who come up bc i don’t rly talk to too many people on here besides like irl friends so uhhh sorry if this is annoying lol xoxo

i tag: @ayahoes @bleakvisions @beachcommxnity @corktreees @frankierohugejorts @izzuue @ceaseium @lesbianfen @contrision @ispeakintypos @greatcomets @plague8 and anybody else who wants to do it!! 

[jaehyun-eclipsed]

Before I Met You | Ten

Updates: Sundays, ~8 PM EST

Pairing: NCT (Jaehyun, Lucas, Mark, Jaemin, Johnny) X Reader/OC

Genre: Romance, Angst, Coming of Age

Summary: Four. There were four people before I fell in love with you… Here are their stories.

Before I Met You Masterlist

Prev | Next

“What are you doing?” Jaehyun asks.

He looks down at me as I sit on the floor, boxes and papers scattered around me. A smirk slowly forms on his face, the scene in front of him clearly amusing.

“I’m just going through some of the old papers I’ve saved.” I chuck a stack of papers into a cardboard box. “There’s a lot of stuff from my college days that I haven’t touched in years so I figure I can throw it out.”

Jaehyun’s eyebrows raise in curiosity. He bends down to pick up something that catches his eye. “What are these?”

“Oh! Those are a bunch of polaroids we’ve taken together. I put them in a box each time we took them and since I’m cleaning up and redecorating, I thought I’d make a photo garland with them above my desk.”

“That would be nice – oh! This is from our first date!”  He flips to the next photo. “Oh and this was the first night you came over and we watched Before Sunrise together!”

I stand up and lightly grip onto his forearm, leaning my head against him as he continues looking through the photos. “You know, I was quite surprised you suggested we watch that movie.”

“Oh really? Why?”

“It’s an unusual style for a movie; it’s not something everyone would necessarily appreciate,” I say. “I was pretty excited you wanted to watch it though!” I grin up at him. “It’s one of my favorite movies. I watched it for the first time when I was a sophomore in college.”

“I really liked it. It was really interesting and I was impressed at how it kept you focused the entire time even though it was so simple.”  

I let go of his arm as he hands me back all the photos. 

“I have a couple emails I need to send, but for dinner I was thinking we could make some pizza? I bought sourdough,” he says. 

“Yeah, that sounds great! Let me know when you’re ready!”

He smiles and gives me a light peck on the lips. “I love you.”

I lift my hand to gently caress his cheek before bringing it to the back of his neck to pull him down for another kiss. “I love you, too.”

As Jaehyun leaves the room, I look down at the floor again, spotting my chemistry lab notebook from freshman year. I pick it up and flip through it, seeing that there are still a significant number of blank pages that can still be used. Perhaps I’ll keep it. When I reach the back cover, a sense of nostalgia overcomes me as I scan the many sticky notes containing various equations and important points I needed to memorize for the final. I briefly quirk an eyebrow before breaking out into a smile when I see the light green sticky note at the bottom with a doodle of a smiling watermelon with arms and legs. Mark had drawn it for me when we were studying and hid it in my notebook when I left to use the restroom.  

I actually haven’t spoken to Mark in a while. He’s difficult to get a hold of. Last I had heard was that he was doing some service work and traveling. Occasionally, he’d post a picture of himself playing the guitar wherever he was – usually on a beach or for an audience of small children.  

Mark will always hold a special place in my heart. My time with him was very limited, but he’s a fond memory I’ll always hold dear. He was the first real friend I had in college – the first person away from home I ever felt comfortable speaking to. For me, he was the sign that things were going to be okay.  

He was right though. Things did get better as I progressed through college. I moved out of the dorms and found a better roommate. I made some new friends that I could call up and hang out with. Studying was still difficult, but I did figure out what worked in order for me to be successful. It’s still not a place I miss, but I do appreciate all of the opportunities I had. And on the rare occasion I had the chance to talk to Mark, he was always so excited to hear that things were going relatively well. He ended up being someone I told a lot of my boy problems to, and though he didn’t have a ton of advice every time, he was always amused by my stories.

However, there was one time – the summer before I graduated college – where he did have some advice that really helped me. That was the last time I saw him in person.

I do miss him.

Sadly, we didn’t contact each other that much after he went to London. The time difference made it a challenge and whenever one of us was available, the other wasn’t. I felt like the universe was trying to tell me something.

I do remember one phone call we had though. That call broke my heart.

Is it even possible to have your heart broken by someone who was just a friend?

Because Mark was the first person to ever break my heart… and break it twice.

“Hey! I went to Derbyshire the other day. You’d love it! It’s so beautiful!” he said. “And Chatsworth House is gorgeous. No wonder you like that movie so much. They chose some good filming sites.”

“It’s a very aesthetically pleasing movie!” I remarked. “I’m so jealous though. You got to live my Elizabeth Bennet dreams.”

“Yeah! You should come visit considering I’m going to be staying here for two more years.”

“Wh – what?”

“Yeah! Shortly after I got here, I was looking into transferring and college here is usually three years so the timing kinda works out. The UK normally doesn’t like transfers, but since I’m here, I figured some stuff out with their counselors.”

I was happy for him, truly. But that didn’t mean I didn’t want him to come back considering our time together was so short. There was so much more I wanted to talk to him about. He was different and he embraced being different. He was always so comfortable in his own skin and had a carefree spirit that was easy to be around. Mark truly enjoyed life – with all of its complexities and particularly its simple pleasures.

Honestly, I didn’t think Mark could say anything else that would have been as devastating as when he told first told me he was leaving.

But I was wrong. Hearing him decide to stay there for longer than he had originally planned was equally heartbreaking. It’s hard when you’re waiting for someone to come back and they don’t when you expect them to. I even get a little disappointed when Jaehyun says a business trip has to be extended for a couple days. But that’s nothing compared to two years. 

Timing.

The timing was never right for us.

But one thing’s for sure: Mark kept his original promise.

Dear Y/N,

Hello! I’m so sorry it has taken me so long to write to you! Life just gets so busy sometimes! I wanted to thank you again for the journal you gave me. Your note was so sweet! I don’t know if you noticed, but I was trying not to cry when you gave it to me haha. I also added the pictures we took together. You know, we look pretty cute in them haha!

I hope you know that I live vicariously through you. London is great, but I do miss California! I like hearing about all of the different aspects of your life, especially your boy drama (because who doesn’t like a little gossip) so keep it up! I just wanna let you know that even though I’m 5,000 miles away, I’m always a call/email/letter away! If you need me, I’m here!

I’m really grateful I got to know you, even if it was only for a little bit. I do wish we had met earlier, but I’m pretty sure we’re going to remain friends even after I return! Once you become friends with me, you’re stuck with me forever haha :) But please stay in contact with me! Sincerely, I think you’re incredible.

I hope everything this semester is going swell for you! Sounds like you’re taking on a lot, but I know you can do it! As you know, I’m not the most gifted in chemistry, but if you need anything else, just let me know!

One last thing: Keep up being amazing! Good luck trying to keep all these boys off you, but I’m sure they know when they’ve met an incredible find. It’s not often you meet a girl who is kind, pretty, smart, and funny; so I doubt you’ll be able to keep them away for too long!

Anyway, I hope you continue to write me letters sometimes! Isn’t it fun to have a pen pal?! I love hearing about what you’re up to! So keep me posted!

Love, Mark

Prev | Next

Before I Met You Masterlist Masterlist

[binkysteebnpewter]

Grace’s 200 Celebration

I didn’t expect to get this far when I started but I love every single one of you lovelies 🥺💗 thank you so much

To celebrate getting to 200, I’ve collected 200 questions for you guys to send in to me: with a limit of 15 questions per ask (I’m looking at you @nightunite )

200 Celebration Questions

1. What is your middle name?

2. Do you have any nicknames that aren’t derived from your actual name?

2. Do you have any allergies?

4. What is the longest your hair has ever been?

5. How well can you write in cursive?

6. Name one item on your bucket list.

7. Have you ever been on a blind date?

8. do you have a porch?

9. How often do you eat out at a fancy restaurant?

10. How grammatically correct are you when you text?

11. Can you drive stick?

12. What foreign country would you most like to visit and why?

13. Nutella or peanut butter?

14. what do you order at mcdonalds?

15. tell me about you favourite primary school/elementary school teacher

16. Have you ever hosted a wild party?

17. what is your aesthetic?

18. have you ever been on a road trip?

19. Have you ever donated blood?

20. From 1-10, how much do you like decorating for holidays?

21. Coffee or tea?

22. What is your go-to Starbucks drink?

23. Last show you binge watched?

24. Dogs or cats?

25. Favorite animated Disney character?

26. Have you ever cooked a big family meal by yourself?

27. Favorite winter activity?

28. are you violent when you’re angry?

29. Can you blow a bubble gum bubble?

30. How early in the year do you start celebrating Christmas?

31. What emoji best describes your life right now?

32. Are you fluent in more than one language?

33. What is the longest you’ve ever kept a New Year’s resolution?

34. can you remember your last dream?

35. Are any of your grandparents still alive?

36. How good are you at communicating through facial expressions?

37. Have you ever gotten a commercial jingle stuck in your head?

38. Have you ever left a movie theater before the movie was over?

39. who was your first ever best friend?

40. Does your home have a fireplace?

41. Favorite non-chocolate candy?

42. do you get on with old people?

43. Have you ever locked your keys in your car?

44. Do you listen to any religious music?

45. Do you drink soda? If so, which one is your favorite?

46. do you cry when you’re angry?

47. Rice or quinoa?

48. From 1-10, how good of a driver do you consider yourself?

49. Do you like horror movies?

50. How easily do you cry?

51. how many months until your birthday?

52. You are hanging with your closest friends. What are you most likely doing?

53. does it ever snow where you live?

54. Can you play any musical instruments? If so, which ones?

55. Are you more introverted or extroverted?

56. what is your least favourite colour?

57. Do you like roller coasters?

58. What day of the week is laundry day for you?

59. Have you ever played spin the bottle?

60. How long have you known your best friend?

61. Can you eat using chopsticks?

62. Do you have any stickers on your laptop computer? If so, what are they of?

63. How often do you say y'all?

64. Favorite flavor of ice cream?

65. How long was your longest relationship? Are you still with that person?

66. Star Trek or Star Wars?

67. are you still friends with your first best friend?

68. Have you ever acted in a play or a musical?

69. How often do you read/pay attention to your horoscope?

70. What is the shortest your hair has ever been?

71. Have you ever broken any bones?

72. Do you like to go fishing?

73. do you have/are you the gay cousin?

74. Favorite costume you wore for Hallowen? How old were you?

75. Real or fake Christmas trees?

76. How many pillows do you sleep with?

77. Do you live in an apartment or a house?

78. How many of your friends are of the opposite gender?

79. Have you ever had a near-death experience?

80. what is your mum’s name?

81. who did you last talk to on the phone?

82. How flexible are you?

83. Have you ever ended a romantic relationship?

84. Phrase you say the most?

85. Have you ever kissed anyone of the same gender? If so, did you like it?

86. Do you own any homemade clothing?

87. Do you like fast food?

88. Have you ever given anyone CPR?

89. Have you ever learned to do anything from a how-to video on YouTube?

90. have you ever had a hickey?

92. Favorite cereal?

93. Have you ever auditioned for a reality competition show?

94. Have you ever gotten a TV theme song stuck in your head?

95. Do you believe in ghosts?

96. what does the last text you sent say?

97. Have you ever given money to a street performer?

98. Your deepest fear?

99. Pancakes or waffles?

100. Are you still friends with anyone from high school?

101. From 1-10, how good of a dancer do you consider yourself?

102. How much of a patient person are you?

103. Do you know your IQ?

104. Do you eat meat at all?

105. Do you own any clothes from a garage sale or a thrift store?

106. Have you ever bought anything from a flea market?

107. What do you think about the most?

108. Have you ever gotten a song you dislike stuck in your head?

109. Any movie(s) you can watch over and over and over again and enjoy just as much each time?

110. Do you or have you ever worn glasses?

111. Have you ever skinny dipped?

112. Are your birth parents still together?

113. Have you ever been in the audience for the taping of a TV show?

114. Favorite type of cookie?

115. Have you ever been broken up with?

116. How often do you smile when getting your picture taken?

117. Have you ever accidentally dialed 911?

118. Oldest memory?

119. Have you ever been the victim of a nasty prank?

120. How often do you snort when you laugh?

121. From 1-10, how good of a singer do you consider yourself?

122. Favorite Disney song?

123. Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?

124. What is your Myers-Briggs personality type?

125. Have you ever had a fortune cookie fortune come true?

126. Do you like to show affection?

127. Last musical artist you saw live?

128. Credit cards or cash?

129. Favorite fandom?

130. What is your astrological sign?

131. Complete the phrase: You cannot buy happiness, but you can buy____.

132. Any hidden talents?

133. Can you surf?

134. What motivates you to do well in life?

135. Your worst physical feature?

136. From 1-10, how much are you like your father?

137. How lucky do you consider yourself?

138. Name a moment in your life when you were pleasently surprised.

139. do you love yourself?

140. What type of shoes do you wear the most?

141. Favorite summer activity?

142. Favorite song to sing in the shower?

143. Have you ever lived with a roommate you did not get along with?

144. Have you ever lived on a farm?

145. Have you ever kept a diary or a journal?

146. TV show or movie you quote/reference the most?

147. How often do you get mad at yourself?

148. Have you ever gotten any stitches?

149. Have you ever been hunting?

150. Favorite YouTube channel?

151. Have you ever had a pet besides a dog or a cat?

152. From 1-10, how well do you work with others?

153. Are you friends with any of your exes?

154. Apple or PC?

155. Do you collect anything?

156. Have you ever seen any Broadway plays or musicals?

157. Any missed opporunites you wish you had taken?

158. what was the last reason you really cried?

159. Do you have a pool at your house?

160. What is the longest you’ve gone without sleep?

161. Last thing that made you laugh?

162. Disney or Nickelodeon?

163. Name one celebrity you wish was still alive.

164. From 1-10, how much are you like your mother?

165. Your best physical feature?

166. Earbud or earmuff headphones?

167. Have you ever wished you were born the opposite gender?

168. Do you have any piercings anywhere besides your ear lobes?

169. How often do you wash your hair?

170. Showers or baths?

171. Have you ever been a bridesmaid or a groomsman?

172. Bottled or tap water?

173. What was your favorite TV show when you were a kid?

174. Any guilty pleasures you’re willing to discuss?

175. Favorite video game?

176. Have you ever gotten a New Year’s kiss exactly at midnight?

177. How many of the United States have you visited?

178. Have you ever given money to a homeless person?

179. Have you ever gotten a surgery?

180. Your least favorite food?

181. From 1-10, how competitive are you?

182. Do you like wearing hats?

183. How much of a jealous peron are you?

184. are you an optimist? why or why not?

185. what’s a random history fact you know?

186. Does anyone in your family currently serve in your country’s military?

187. Snowboarding or skiing?

188. are you good at lying? what’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told?

189. Have you ever been a Boy or Girl Scout?

190. Have you ever dyed your hair?

191. From 1-10, how good of a cook do you consider yourself?

192. Do you have a significant other?

193. How many things can you do with your weaker hand?

194. Were you involved in any academic clubs in high school?

195. Have you ever played hooky from school?

196. Are you comfortable with watching rated R movies?

197. Do you root for any sports teams?

198. First thing you do when you wake up in the morning?

199. Tell something about yourself most people don’t know.

200. Your own question that you want me to answer

[angeltriestoblog]

I figured out what I want to do with my life! And made a vision board!

It came to me in a flash, really. One minute, I was watching a handpainted narration of the life and death of one of the greatest painters of all time, and next thing you know, I've abandoned it completely and started furiously typing away at my laptop about what I envisioned myself to be in five years' time. And I know I've had my fair share of false alarms in life: I thought I had what it takes to be a lawyer after seeing Legally Blonde for the first time while on my way to a school field trip, and seriously considered pursuing a career as a fashion blogger or MTV VJ because I was kind of fed up with school.

But this one just makes sense. Advising and assisting clients in producing content, collaterals, and campaigns according to their business objectives and based on collected data! It marries my love for writing, my knack for snooping around (the academic term is research!), and the specialty in technology and management my university ensures I'll have at the end of my four-year degree. i have yet to see how it’ll allow me to give back to society since that’s also a factor I want to consider in looking for a dream job but I’ll make it work. I found it hard to sleep that night, thanks to this nerdy, giddy kind of adrenaline rush I had. I broke down this big idea into smaller and smaller action steps until all I had left was a refined list of ideas and intentions, and a splitting headache.

I needed to make sure I was constantly reminded of their existence so all my choices and decisions would serve as a step closer to reaching all of them. So I caved in to the wishes of the "law of attraction" side of the Internet, and created my very own vision board! Simply put, this act of visualization is a powerful technique that can be used to manifest desires and reach goals. Our subconscious minds mainly recognize symbols and images: by merely looking at our vision boards everyday, subliminal messages are being sent to our brains, which will encourage them to work tirelessly to achieve the statements we are feeding to them. I can't find any explanation for this that's less abstract but since many people seem to swear on it and I have a lot of free time and printer ink, I figured why not, right?

It was convenient that I had this small corkboard from Daiso already stuck to one corner of my bedroom wall with several layers of double-sided tape. It used to be a year-long calendar of birthdays but I realized that I've never referred to it and often have to rely on either Facebook reminders or stock knowledge--there is no in between. All I had to do was to look at my list of goals, and compile photos that correspond to each of them, cut them up and arrange them in an aesthetically pleasing manner. You'll see below that I lacked the stereotypical luxury car and beachfront mansion with a walk-in closet and that's because I decided to focus on my goals for the next five years so it looks even a little bit more achievable.  

Here's the finished product, along with explanations for each picture, to make this how-to more personal and to also hold myself accountable.

 Make my girl Jenna Rink and everybody at Poise proud by writing for a magazine | I had listed a specific one at the time, and if you follow me on Twitter and Instagram, you already know what it is and how this endeavor turned out - but on this blog, I'll shroud it in a little cloud of mystery for now and talk about it more in a future post. I'm very happy producing content for this space of mine and have no intention of stopping any time soon. But at the same time I know that I'd be missing out if I didn't take the chance to be part of a community that leads me to like-minded individuals, allows me to grow even more in my craft, and "gives creators a space to speak their minds and push the limits of their artistry, without imposing any restrictions or expectations", as I stated in my application form.

 Be active in three organizations next school year | (I had to blur one of them out because I'm not a member yet and I don't want to jinx it.) I know it's bold of me to assume that we'll be returning to school any time soon, but if we are ever lucky enough, I want to outdo myself when it comes to the orgs I'm a part of. I have been a good follower throughout my first two years of college but now I believe it's my time to try my hand at leading a group of people and being more involved in the conceptualization and execution of projects.

 Go on a trip to Europe | Not even just a specific group of countries anymore (I used to be a France, Italy, Spain supremacist)--I mean the entire continent! (But then again, with its rich history and culture, picturesque tourist spots, diverse cuisines... even the sheer adrenaline rush that comes with being in a land completely different from the one you come from, how could anyone not want to go?

 and 12. Get the job of my dreams | I actually nicked these photos from the website of a cooperative I want to work for once I graduate from college. I know that I can't plan out the rest of my career trajectory as early as now: things are bound to change at some point, but I hope that I stay in a field that combines creativity and business strategy to craft campaigns, create meaningful content, and market solutions to brands.

 Expand my network | I acknowledge how knowing people who know people who know people can open windows of opportunities that I wouldn't have been able to have anywhere else. But I also look forward to building genuine connections with people from all sorts of industries. Talking to the same circle of friends can sometimes feel like you're trapped in an echo chamber: there is certainly much to learn from others' viewpoints.

 Volunteer to teach kids | I don't think the written word could have changed my life as much as it did, had it not been for the presence of English teachers who believed in the power of the language to shape the minds of the youth. I guess this is just me trying to give back and help the next generation express their ideas and bring them to life by channeling my inner John Keating.

 Maintain a clean workspace that is conducive to productivity | Especially during these days, I spend a solid 18 out of 24 hours sat at my desk, trying my best to make magic happen. It's very important that I keep it a constant and active source of inspiration, free from any distractions, and at the right level of comfort. Although it's not as minimalist as I hoped it would be and my table is about an inch too high for my liking, I'm still pretty satisfied!

 Document memories consistently, be it through a physical or online journal | Speaking of clearing out my room, I recently found around 20 notebooks I had filled up over the years. Though maintaining them must have been such a hassle especially as I got older and reading through them was a distraction from completing the task at hand, I am thankful I painstakingly chronicled everything going on in my life and kept them in good condition. Seeing the goals I had set for myself all those years ago and how I achieved most of them without making a conscious effort has inspired me to do my older self a favor by putting in the work now so she can reap the rewards. (While I'm on this note, can anyone recommend a good app for journaling? I keep all my current entries in my Mac's Notes app because even though I am more of an analog person, I seemed to have lost the patience and persistence required to keep a physical journal. But at the same time, I'm scared of my laptop suddenly cr*shing and wiping out everything I had stored)

 Stay focused on my work always | I didn't know how to show this without having to spell it out in words so I Photoshopped my face onto the head of a woman working in a cafe because those who study in coffee shops along Katip always look like they're getting stuff done.

 Keep learning about the world even when I'm outside of the classroom | And this is not limited to frequenting the nearby museum, although that does sound like a great idea right now. This could also mean attending seminars, workshops, and talks, buying books and binge-watching documentaries or YouTube videos about a topic that I find interesting, engaging in discourse with someone (plus points if they have a different viewpoint!)

 Write my own book | Before I even found out that humans were destined to pick a career and work until they died, I already knew that I wanted to spend my days as a writer. Specifically, I wanted to see my name on the cover of a book: By Angel Martinez. (Please refer to the 4:32 of this video and look at how far this dream actually goes back.) But once I realized that I wanted to enter the world of business, I thought I would have to give this up altogether. Thankfully, I now know that one's ability to get published is not reliant on their career--I mean, even beauty gurus get book deals these days. I'm not really sure what it's going to be about but I'd honestly be down for anything: even if it's just a compilation of my best entries on this blog.

13. Go all out when I take myself on self-care dates | I'm talking about picnics at the beach, with a basket full of fruits, a posh looking hat, and a good piece of classic literature! Or fancy dinners for one complete with as many glasses of red wine as I can down! People watching at Downtown Disneyland like my paternal grandmother in hand, with a plastic bag of souvenirs on one hand and a cream cheese pretzel on the other! (The possibilities are endless and I'm already mapping most of them out.)

14. Be financially stable enough to re-enact that one scene in Pretty Woman where Vivian Ward struts down the streets of Beverly Hills in a chic white dress and black hat, an endless number of shopping bags in tow | The part where I humiliate a sales lady who snubbed me the day before because she didn't think I could afford what she was selling by saying, "You work on commission, right? That's right. Big mistake, big, huge." is entirely optional.

I also included some two inspirational sayings that were originally laptop wallpapers from The Everygirl. I feel like they perfectly sum up the attitude I want to have as I forge my own path and accomplish everything I have set out for myself. If I was somehow able to convince you that this activity serves as the perfect springboard for all your dreams and aspirations, here are a couple of tips that could hopefully help you make yours!

Be ready for some intense introspection | Though it may look like a simple arts and crafts activity at the surface, making an effective vision board simply cannot be achieved if you're not willing to do some much needed reflection and watch it balloon into a full-on existential crisis. Identify which areas of your life are most important to you and how you would like to see them evolve over a period of time.

Specificity is key | The trick is to make your goals as concrete as possible, then translate them into visual elements. I know some people who wanted to get into particular universities, who have Photoshopped their names onto acceptance letters and pinned those to their corkboards. As stupid as that may sound in retrospect, I reckon it's an elaborate way of claiming something that's right within your reach.

Design it any way you want | Don't feel pressured to make it look like it's worthy to be on someone else's Pinterest because that's exactly how you lose sight of why you're doing it in the first place. The only person your final output has to resonate with is you.

Don't get discouraged | Although a vision board can attract positive energy and manifest your intentions to the universe, one thing it isn't capable of doing is granting your wishes in an instant. Don't be upset if what you have cut out and stuck on has yet to happen: I truly believe in the saying that the more you look for something, the more it seems to avoid you. Instead, continue to work hard and focus on the progress that you have already made.

Have you made a vision board of your own already? How has it turned out, and how many of the things you had put up have come true? I know you may be a complete stranger from the other side of the world but I'd be happy to hear from you anyway! Wishing you love and light always, especially during trying times such as this. Wash your hands, pray for our frontliners, and check your privilege!

[aire101]

Ashes Chapter 1 (MCU/HP)

Lily Evans attends the Stark Expo during the Autumn break of her 7th year, and ends up finding–and bringing home– more than scientific passion.

Tony Stark just wanted to escape his security detail for a few hours, but a beautiful red head with a sharp mind and fiery soul derailed his plans for the week–and maybe longer. But secrets burn scars in the soul, and they both live in worlds far apart. Can they find a way to rise above or will it all turn to ash in the end?

October 20th 1991

Lily Evans strolled through the Stark Expo, her eyes gleaming with each innovation and display. No matter how much she loved magic, science remained her passion.  Even after she had accepted her place at Hogwarts, she could not bring herself to completely forsake her muggle education. So during the school year she participated in a distance learning program and over the holidays she and her family would take trips to museums, science expos, and academic conferences that allowed her to expand and keep up with current developments. This year her parents had decided to splurge on an especially big trip during the autumn mid-term break-- a trip overseas to New York, where the Stark Expo was currently running through the rest of the year.  Scientists, mathematicians and engineers from across the globe came to exhibit their latest innovations and inventions. It felt like an endless amount of information to take in, and she only had a week to see it all before she headed back home and back to Hogwarts for the rest of her 7th and final year.

As she read a board detailing the release of the internet to the general population, she realized she had never felt more frustrated with the level of alienation that came with living amongst wizards. The world was moving forward at breathtaking speed, and the wizards were being left in the dust.  For every magical innovation released, there were a dozen or more made in science.  It wouldn't be long before wizards were surpassed completely.

And at that point, all the Secrecy Acts in the world would mean nothing.

She sighed and shook her head. There was no point dwelling on the bullheadedness of wizards. They would simply have to face that storm when it hit.

"I know, I think giving the general populace web access is a bad idea too. Bet there's porn on there within a month."

Lily couldn't help the snort that escaped her as she turned to see who had spoken. It was a handsome boy about her age, with dark tousled hair and deep brown eyes.  She smirked as she said, "Well, you'll just have to look it up and tell me if it is then. If it's not too hard for you, that is."

He stared at her in shock for a moment before a wide and devious smile spread across his face. For a moment, Lily wondered if James Potter didn't have an  American cousin...

Merlin she hoped not.

"That was a most delightfully lewd pun! Thank god I finally found someone here with as terrible a sense of humor as myself!" the boy said, as he stuck out a hand. "Miss...?"

"Lily Evans," she said as she shook his hand.

"Beautiful name for a beautiful lady," he said with a winning smile. "You can call me Tony."

Lily felt her face warming in a blush and turned back to the exhibit. "So Tony, what do you really think about the release of the internet on the general masses?"

"Truthfully? It's been a long time coming, and I think the world will be better for it. Just imagine a scientific breakthrough happening on the other side of the globe and reading about it within an hour of the development. But people tend to ruin even the best things in life, so it's only a matter of time before human toxicity bleeds into it. Seriously, it's intended to connect the world and increase the spread of global knowledge, but I bet you my inheritance it will eventually devolve into an international porn hub and pictures of people's cats."

"I can't tell if you're a pessimist or a realist," said Lily with a shake of her head.

"Just depends on if I'm right," shrugged Tony. "And since I'm always right, I'm going with realist."

"Not arrogant at all, are you?" asked Lily sarcastically.

"Not arrogant, just immodest," said Tony.

"Humility is a virtue, you know," said Lily.

"Good thing I'm not very virtuous," said Tony. "It disagrees with my aesthetics."

Lily couldn't help it, she laughed loudly and shook her head.

Tony just stood and watched her with a small smile.

"Would you care to join me, Mr. Immodest Aesthetics? This is my first day at the expo and I only have a week to see it all," said Lily.

"Lucky for you, I know every square inch of this expo and can make sure you see all the parts worth seeing. So let's get started," said Tony with a clap of his hands, before he reached out and grabbed her hand and started running.

When Tony said he knew every inch of the expo, he had apparently meant it as they had hit the ground running (literally) that morning, and didn't stop. He took her from display to demo, the two of them discussing and debating all the way. Occasionally he would suddenly jump track and insist there was something she just had to see, before he would grab her hand and run, just like he had that morning. Tony was wild and brilliant like a solar storm, with the gravitational pull of a black hole. His mind ran at a speed she had never experienced from anyone before, and the sheer charisma of his personality pulled everyone they spoke to in and compelled them to engage, whether it was in emboldened discourse or aggravation.

They spent the rest of the morning and the afternoon like that before they finally decided food was necessary. A quick stop at a midway stall outside the main expo building and they were ready to go again, New York style hot dogs in hand.

That's when security finally caught up to them.

"Shit," Tony muttered as they were surrounded by large, burly men in suites.

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to come with me," one of the men said, staring at Tony.

Lily's eyes widened. Who had she been hanging out with all day?!

"No, if you haven't gotten the hint every time I've ditched you today, here's your sign- I don't need a damn escort!" yelled Tony.

Ah... so that's why they would suddenly start running throughout the day.

"That's not your call to make. Now your father requests-"

"Do I look like I give a shit what he requests?!"

"HE REQUESTS your presence at the main stage for the evening's closeout ceremony. I am to make sure you arrive there within the next half hour by any means necessary. Mr. Stark, it's been a long day, please don't make this any more difficult than it has to be. Take up your issues with your father himself," the man said, almost pleading at the end even as he sounded resigned to his fate of chasing and fighting the boy in front of him.

Meanwhile, Lily's brain had short circuited on one word.

Mr. Stark. Mr Anthony Stark- boy genius, recently graduated from MIT at the age of 17, heir to Stark Industries.

No wonder he knew the whole damn expo by memory.

Tony sighed dramatically, running a hand through his constantly wayward hair. He turned to Lily and gave her a sheepish look that she was sure was meant to be a grin, but looked more like a grimace.

"Sorry I didn't tell you earlier, but for what it's worth I really had a great time with you today," he said.

"So did I," Lily said. "Thank you for taking the time to show me around. You were the best tour guide a girl could ask for, Mr. Immodest Aesthetics."

Tony smiled brightly. "See you around, Lily."

And with that he was gone.

Lily sighed and checked her watch. It was 4:30 pm, and she had arranged to meet her family at the drop off point at the front of the expo at 6:00. Just enough time to get there at her leisure, so long as she didn't get distracted and stop anywhere too long.

As she walked her thoughts turned back to Tony. He obviously thought she would be mad that he hadn't been completely truthful about his identity. And maybe she should be, but she couldn't actually bring herself to be.  The look on his face as it was revealed was just too sad. And while she couldn't say she completely understood why, she could hazard a few guesses.

She wondered how many times Tony's heart had been broken by would-be friends using him for their own prestige for him to have that look in his eyes.

The next hour and a half seemed to crawl by as she made her way through the expo to the front. And while she wandered and looked, her mind continually turned back to wild brunette hair and expressive brown eyes.

'I wonder if I will see him again?'

# "Did you miss me?"

It was around noon the next day, and the familiar voice made her jump as it came from right behind her while she was reading a log journal at an expo booth.

"Bloody hell, Tony! Don't do that!" she growled at him.

"I would say I'm sorry, but I'm really not," he said with a grin.

Lily rolled her eyes, "Well, at least you're honest."

"Yes I am, so you must believe me when I say that yesterday was the most fun I've had in quite some time," said Tony.

Lily smiled, "Same. So does that mean you would like to pick up where we left off?"

"I was actually about to ask if you would be interested in heading out to get a bite to eat, followed by a guided tour- provided by yours truly- of the New York branch of Stark Laboratories," said Tony.

Lily's eyes widened. She had promised her parents not to leave the expo, but the offer of an inside look at Stark Labs was too much to pass up.

"Are you sure, Tony? I wouldn't want you to get in any more trouble, especially after yesterday," Lily said.

Tony waved off her concern, "It's not a problem. We do tours regularly anyway.  And I promise, there's a lot worse trouble that I could be up to than showing you around. Pretty sure my security detail will be thrilled that I want to head back to headquarters.  So lunch, then back to HQ?"

"Sure, though I should probably find a phone first so I can leave a message at the hotel for my parents," said Lily.

"No problem, the limo has a phone," said Tony as he started walking towards the exit.

"Of course it does," sighed Lily as she shook her head.

"How much have you seen of New York?" asked Tony.

"Not much. I've basically spent all my time at the expo so far," said Lily.

"So no preference on restaurant? Anything you can't or won't eat?"

"No allergies, and I'm pretty adventurous so I'll let you choose," said Lily.

"Does that sense of adventure extend to things beyond food?" asked Tony with a mischievous look in his eyes.

"Well, I'm here hanging out with you, aren't I?" Lily said with a flat expression, but a gentle turn of the lips belied her amusement at his innuendo.

"Touché," said Tony as they arrived next to a black limo. He beat his guards to the door by breath and opened it, gesturing for her to enter. "Ladies first!"

"And they say chivalry is dead," said Lily.

"Oh it is. I'm just courting favor," said Tony. "Is it working?"

Lily smiled as she ducked into the limo, "Guess we'll see later."

"You know, I would have been just fine with a pizza parlor, right?" said Lily as she looked around the decadent room. Noon light filtered through etched glass windows and lit candles set a decidedly romantic ambiance.

When they had arrived at the obviously upscale restaurant, Lily had been concerned as usually such places had a required dress code, which she obviously had not planned for today. Tony had just smiled and walked past the front entrance to a side one that had led to a private dining area.  He had to have called and reserved the location before he had even found and asked her to lunch at the expo. She could only roll her eyes at the presumption.

"Hey, I hardly ever do the whole 'date' thing, let me have the opportunity show off properly," said Tony as he pulled out a chair for her.

"I have a hard time believing you can't get a date," said Lily with a raised brow.

"I didn't say I can't get one, I just said I don't do them," said Tony as he sat.

"I'm assuming for the same reasons that you didn't tell me your surname yesterday," said Lily.

"And you would be correct. It doesn't help that I've always been significantly ahead in school, so I've not really had much opportunity to hang around many people within a dateable age range. Anyone willing to date my fourteen year old self after I graduated high school was suspect at best, for a variety of reasons.  And dating in my own age range is... tedious," said Tony.

Lily frowned, "I can see how it would be. You graduated from secondary school at fourteen and just graduated MIT at seventeen. There must have always been about a three to four year age gap between you and your classmates at best. Never mind the performance gap between yourself and most of our age group.  Guess that's the curse of genius."

"How about you? Is there a special someone across the pond I have to worry about hunting me down? Unless you also have a 'curse of genius?'" asked Tony.

"No, I'm no genius. I have been told I'm quite bright, and I've been top of my year at school for as long as I can remember. But being 'bright' isn't quite enough to chase the hounds away.  That being said, no there is no one you need to worry about back home. No matter how much he may wish otherwise," said Lily.

"Oh, that was specific."

"Indeed. Just a boy with an overly inflated ego with just enough talent to get bored, make mischief and still make top marks," Lily said.

"Hey, he sounds like my kind of people," Tony said with a grin.

"Actually, when you and I first met my first thought was to wonder if he had an American cousin," said Lily with a laugh. "In all honesty he isn't a bad sort.  He's a pretty decent person overall, but is an immature prat most of the time.  If he ever decides to grow out of that he might actually make a good man of himself someday."

"Enough about the competition. Tell me more about you.  You mentioned being top of your year. Where do you attend?" asked Tony.

"My school is... a very unique place. I've been attending there since the age of eleven. It's a very old, traditional boarding school located in a remote area of northern Scotland, in an honest to god thousand year old castle," smiled Lily.

"No kidding? Wow, how do you guys get electricity to power stuff in a structure like that?" asked Tony.

"That's probably the biggest downside to the whole thing. There is none," said Lily.

Tony blinked and stared, "What?"

Lily laughed outright, "'What?' That's all?  Did I break you?  This is the first I've seen you at a loss for words."

"I'm still trying to comprehend what you just said... how does your school run their tech?"

"There is no tech. It does however have a most impressive library. And eventually you get used to candle and lamp lighting," said Lily, thoroughly enjoying the gobsmacked expression on Tony's face.

Eventually his shock changed to laughter, "Oh wow, you actually got me. For a second there I actually bought it.  Medieval Scottish castles..."

"I'm not joking," said Lily, looking him square in the eye.

Tony caught his breath for a moment while looking into her emerald eyes. But after a moment he swallowed nervously and grinned.

"What's this technological purgatory called? Just so I know to never go there?" asked Tony as he lifted his glass to take a drink.

"Hogwarts," said Lily.

Lily had to fight to keep a straight face as Tony accidentally snorted water up his nose.

"Ok, now you're shitting me."

"Honestly, I wish I was. I love my school, but the founders must have been barmy," said Lily with a shake of her head.

Just then the wait staff returned to the room, bringing in the first course. Tony had just ordered the chef's tasting menu for the both of them.

"How about you, Tony? What are your plans now that you've graduated?" asked Lily.

"Well, there's not really any choice, is there? My old man is the founder of a corporate empire.  And he's not exactly young. I'm about to start graduate school--was originally supposed to start at Oxford this term actually, until dad decided I needed to get better acquainted with how things were run around SI. I've already dipped into the R&D pool, and I'm supposed to start shadowing around corporate. Before too long I'll have to take over the business," said Tony while he pushed some of the food around his plate.

"I guess that's true enough. Though I like to think we all still have choices, even if sometimes it doesn't seem like it- a choice on what to do, how to do it, when to do it... We can't always control what life hands us, but we can control our own choices on what to do with it," said Lily.

"Hey now, keep your deep thinking and existential logic on that side of the table. It might contaminate me," said Tony with a grin.

"Sorry, things have been a little... tense across the pond. It starts to make you think about what the right thing to do is," said Lily.

"Yeah, I've heard some rumors about a terrorist over there, right? Nothing official mind you, " said Tony with a worried look at her.

"Yeah, it's all really hush-hush. But there's definitely a shady faction gaining power back home. You won't hear anything until it's too late, but if things don't change for the better we might end up in a civil war," said Lily.

"Is it really that bad? I would think the news would be all over something like that," said Tony.

"I really shouldn't be saying anything at all. Most of this is pretty confidential.  It mostly involves certain... underground groups. In all likelihood, most of the world won't even know when the war starts.  There won't be any public battles on the world stage, no news coverage. You'll only know the war has started by the body count and the list of missing persons," said Lily.

"Then how do you know about it?" asked Tony.

"Let's just say I myself have some pretty big choices to make once I graduate," said Lily. "Or as my esteemed headmaster would say, 'we must all choose between what is easy and what is right.'"

"I mean, personally I prefer to do what's smart but maybe that's just me," said Tony.

"I would prefer to do the same as well. Unfortunately, war tends to take that option off the table," said Lily.

"So... what? You're talking about enlisting?" asked Tony.

"Something like that."

"You wouldn't be on the front lines though, right? No offense, but you're not exactly the most physically intimidating person," said Tony.

Lily grinned, "You'd be surprised what an angry red head can accomplish when we set our mind to a task."

The waiter came back and took their barely touched first course and replaced it with an equally unappetizing second course.

They both sat, staring down at their plates with frowns in contemplative silence.

"You know, I think there's a pizza joint a block down-"

"You're a man after my own heart."

The Stark Industry labs were everything Lily imagined and more. The company primarily dealt with weapons development, but included in that was a number of different scientific fields-- energy, chemistry, physics and a dozen others, all with their own projects separate from the defense contracts. And Tony showed her around all of it, explaining each in minute detail with the excitement of a kid in a candy store.  The breadth of his knowledge floored Lily.  It was hard to believe they were the same age; for all her brilliance, she could not hold a candle to his intense genius.

To be fair, she doubted many in the world could.

"...and that is current state of the biochemistry project department. Though I was poking around in my dad's files last night and I think there's a secret project he's been working on for a while that he might be close to completing soon. If he does it might be disclosed sometime around the end of the expo this year," said Tony.

"You hacked your father, Tony?" asked Lily in shock.

"Shhh! Not so loud... and not hacked per se--more like opportunistically investigated his recent activities without his permission or knowledge," said Tony with a wave of his hand.

"Why don't you just ask him?" asked Lily.

"My father and I haven't gotten along in... ever really," said Tony. "Mostly we just try to stay out of each other's way these days.  So long as I keep my head down for the most part and get shit done he leaves me alone. He tried to pull the 'involved dad' bit after I started college, but after doing his best to ignore my existence for the first 13 years of my life, he was a bit too late to the party for that."

"That's... really sad, honestly," said Lily.

"Yeah well, who needs to be a dad when you have butlers and nannies to do it for you, right?" said Tony with a tight lipped smile. "To be fair, Jarvis-- the butler-- is pretty awesome."

"What is your father like?" asked Lily.

"Cold, methodical and brilliant. He's a business cutthroat as much as he is an inventor, if not more so," said Tony. "He didn't rise up from nothing to the leading weapons developer in the world by making friends. Everyone is either a project, an asset or a liability.  And you don't want to be a liability."

Silence hung over them as they walked towards the elevators. It was getting later into the evening now, and Lily would need to check in soon with her parents.

"How about you? What is your family like?" asked Tony.

"They're wonderful. My father is management at a local industrial factory back home in Cokeworth. My mother has been a homemaker for years now, but before that she was a secretary at the same factory. That's how they met.  They are both hard workers and loving, supportive parents. I'm lucky to have them," said Lily.

Tony smiled wistfully as he pushed the down elevator call button, "I'm glad you do. Any siblings you have to share them with?"

Lily's smile fell a bit as she thought of her sister.

"Uh oh... I take it that's a yes," said Tony as they stepped into the elevator.

"I have an older sister, Petunia. We used to be close when we were little, but haven't gotten along for many years now."

"How could someone not get along with you?" asked Tony incredulously. "You have the most agreeable personality of anyone I've ever known."

"It begun a little before I started at my school. Petunia wanted to attend there as well after I got my acceptance letter, but admission is very restricted, and is by invitation only. My parents were very proud of my admission.  But after Petunia found out she couldn't attend as well, our relationship soured," said Lily with a sigh.

"No offense, but your sister sounds like an idiot. You must have been the one to get all the good genes," said Tony.

Lily glared at Tony. "Watch your words. We may not get along well, but make no mistake--she is my sister, and I love her dearly. You do not know her, nor do you understand our circumstances, so you would do well to hold your tongue," Lily said as she exited the elevator.

Tony stood still and wide eyed as if he had just been slapped, and had to lunge out the elevator door to keep it from closing on him.

"Wait! Wait!  I'm sorry! Ok, I'm sorry.  I was way out of line," said Tony as he ran and cut off her path to the door. "Please don't leave."

Lily stood in the atrium and gave him another glare before she rolled her eyes, "Apology accepted. Now stop giving me those sad puppy eyes."

"I will... if you agree to go to dinner with me," said Tony, innocently batting his eyelashes for good measure.

"That is so not fair, Tony! Stop!" Lily laughed.

"Is that a yes?"

"I don't know... I'm supposed to meet up with my family in the evenings," said Lily.

"Do you guys already have plans? If not we could all go to dinner together," said Tony, putting his hands in his pockets. His tone was lighthearted, but there was a tension in his form that belied his nonchalance.

"I don't know, it depends..." said Lily.

"On what?"

"On whether you are the one choosing the restaurant. That lunch earlier was awful," said Lily with a smirk.

This time it was Tony's turn to roll his eyes, but as he looked back at her his expression was noticeably more relaxed.

"Fine, you guys can choose the spot.  But if I already know it's trash I reserve the right to veto," said Tony.

"That is acceptable. Now I need to find a phone to call my parents and see what they had planned for this evening," said Lily.

"Just ask the front desk to use the phone there. They saw you come in with me, so they shouldn't give you any trouble," said Tony.

"Alright, I'll be right back," said Lily with a soft smile before turning to walk across the atrium.

# Tony had no idea what he was doing.

He was by no means a blushing virgin, and the last couple years had given him plenty of experience in wooing women, but the last 32 hours had been something completely different. When he had first approached Lily he had been ready for the usual either disparaging remarks or obsequious flattery.  What he had found instead was sincerity, humor and depth.

He wasn't sure what it said about him or his life that he was more prepared to deal with a manipulative gold digger than he was a genuinely kind and clever human being.

He had to assume that was why he currently found himself heading to dinner to meet the parents of a girl he had known for less than two days.

'I need a drink... What the hell was I thinking?' Tony asked himself again as the driver pulled up to Francisco's Restaurant.

"You look like you're going to meet death, rather than my parents," said Lily with a mischievous smile that made her eyes narrow in amusement.

For what felt like the hundredth time just that day, Tony felt his breath almost catch as his stomach fluttered.

Right, that's what he was thinking. Someday he would learn to put a leash on that tongue of his...

While Tony was busy lying to himself, Lily opened her door and stepped out to head inside. Tony ran his hand through his hair nervously, which only served to increase its chaotic mess, before finally moving to join her in front of the restaurant. Seeing as this dinner had been his own idea, it would be pretty cowardly to beg off now.  Tony Stark was many things, but a coward was not one of them.

"I'm not sure why you're so anxious. My parents seemed pretty excited to meet you. And my sister is enough of a sycophant that I doubt you will have any trouble from her--"

"Wait, your sister is here too?" asked Tony. As nervous as he was, he had figured that dinner with Lily's parents would be a mostly pleasant affair. But if things were as bad as he suspected between Lily and Petunia, dinner with her sister was a completely different matter; and Tony had doubts about his ability to censor himself that long.

"Yes, and I expect you to play nice," said Lily before opening to door and going inside.

"I will if she does," muttered Tony petulantly as he followed.

The smell of rice, garlic and saffron wafted through the entire building, leaving Tony moaning lightly in appreciation. His mother didn't cook often, but when she did this was the smell that always clung to the air for hours afterwards.  If the food was anyway comparative to her cooking, Tony would have to add Francisco's to his list of restaurants to stop at when he was in New York.

A few short words with a host, and they were being lead to the back of the restaurant, where in a secluded corner sat Lily's family.

As they approached, Lily's father stood to greet his daughter with a smile and a hug. Tony's first thought was that the man was quite a bit older than he would have expected. His brown hair was streaked liberally with gray and white, and laugh lines were etched deeply into his smiling face.  By Tony's estimation, the man was likely pushing towards 60. Still not as old as his own father though.  But where Howard had gone into fatherhood begrudgingly late in life, this man seemed to have embraced it.

The man finally turned towards Tony and offered him a polite smile and handshake.

"William Evans.... And you must be Tony. Thank you for keeping an eye on my youngest. I imagine you didn't originally plan to spend the last couple days playing tour guide, but I would be lying if I didn't say that it does this old man's heart good to know his princess isn't gallivanting around New York completely alone."

"Oh Daddy, it's not that bad. I've hardly even left the expo," said Lily as she took a seat next to who Tony assumed must be her sister, despite the fact that the two looked nothing alike. Where Lily's face was soft and slightly rounded with open expressions, Petunia's was long, harsh lines and pinched looks.  Where Lily was fire, Petunia was ice.

It was perhaps unkind, but the simple truth was that Petunia's homeliness was accentuated sharply by Lily's loveliness.

"Petunia Evans, it's a pleasure to meet you, Anthony," said Petunia.

As Lily predicted, Petunia had plastered on a simpering smile as she offered her hand, palm down.

Tony blinked for a moment. Surely she didn't actually expect him to...

Before he had to decide whether to stomach a chivalrous hand kiss to the harpy's claw or risk Lily's ire for laughing in her sister's face, somebody stepped between them.

Midnight black hair tumbled down her back, and familiar bright green almond eyes stared right into his soul from a round face that Tony felt looked far younger and more innocent than this creature before him really was. She was quite petite, and was physically less than intimidating.

But the look in her eyes as she smiled at him left him cold. Her eyes roved over him in inspection.

She held out her hand to him, palm down.

"Rose Evans, it's wonderful to finally meet you Anthony Stark."

He took her hand and carefully brought it towards his lips without quite touching, and never let his eyes leave hers.

"The pleasure is mine, Ma'am," said Tony quietly.

For a second that felt like an hour, they held each other's gaze. Finally Rose gave a slight grin and a nod to him before she turned away with a whispered, "You'll do."

Tony raised an eyebrow in askance, but Rose merely turned to her husband who pulled out her chair for her before sitting himself.

He took that as his cue to seat himself in the last open seat at the round table, situated between Lily and Rose.

A quick perusal of the menu had Tony settling on the roast lamb, and after the table had ordered they all settled into a semi-awkward silence.

William smiled at Tony, "Lily mentioned you had already graduated from university. That's quite the achievement for your age.  Where did you attend?"

"I graduated from MIT this past spring, with a focus on electrical engineering and physics," said Tony.

"Planning to follow in your father's footsteps then?"

"Ideally I suppose I hope to surpass them," said Tony with a cocky grin.

William laughed, "Indeed! Well, I wish I could say I look forward to seeing it, but given the nature of your father's company, I admit it's a bit of a terrifying thought."

Tony had to fight back a wince at that.

"Don't be rude, father," said Petunia, "It is good and respectable work, and obviously pays well."

She shot a smile to Tony as if to say she had his back, but all it did was tighten that uncomfortable knot he pretended didn't exist in his stomach at the thought of their weapon contracts. If he had his way he would scrap the whole damn thing.  Weapon developers were a dime a dozen.  Any idiot could make something explode.  No, the future lay in energy production, information management and processing, and the systems they would build to do it.

Artificial intelligence.

"No offense taken, though I'll be honest, so long as people continue to try and beat each other into submission, the weapons industry will continue to grow and turn profit; with or without Stark Industries," said Tony.

"And it's only one part of what the company does. Tony showed me dozens of different projects today with civilian and medical applications," said Lily.

"Not that you have any need for such technology, Lily," said Petunia with just the barest hint of disdain.

Lily gave the barest flinch, and had he not been looking at her he would have missed it. She glanced at him before turning back to her sister giving her a pointed glare with her lips pursed into a thin line, clearly holding back a biting retort.

Unfortunately, Tony didn't have that good of a censor.

"Neither do you apparently. I don't recall you having been at the expo at all yet. A bit above your grade point average?" said Tony.

Petunia looked gobsmacked.

"Tony!" hissed Lily as she smacked his arm.

Tony sighed and he closed his eyes before he spoke in a droning voice, "My apologies for my rude behaviour. It was uncalled for and immature."

"Have to give that speech often I take it? I can't say I approve of your rude words to my daughter, but given she was out of line as well, we will let it pass," said William with the air of someone used to dealing with such squabbles.

Then he turned to Lily and shook his head. "I swear Lily, you and your catty, sharp-tongued boys. This one is nearly as bad as Severus," he said with a laugh.

"Severus?" asked Tony.

"A childhood friend of Lily's who attends the same school as she does. We used to live in the same neighborhood, but we moved across town a few years ago. Hardly see the boy now," said Rose as she sipped from a glass of red wine.

"Oh, is this Mr. Inflated Ego?" Tony asked Lily.

"No, that's someone completely different. Mr. Inflated Ego has the potential to become something more. Severus... I'm afraid Severus is a lost cause," said Lily.

The look on her face as she said it was heartbreaking.

"I never did understand what you saw in that lout, Lily. He was wretched from the start, so I'm not sure what you expected. Bad blood, that one," said Petunia, her nose wrinkled in distaste.  She shot Tony a withering look, "At least this one is well bred, if still ill mannered."

Oh hell no!

"Excuse me?!" growled Tony. "What the f--!"

"ENOUGH Petunia," William raised his voice over the table. "You speak of Tony and Severus' ill manners, but here you are being churlish and snobby. As far as Severus is concerned, never forget-- 'There, but for the grace of God, go I.'"

"Really father? God's Grace?  Such hypocrisy! How about 'Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live--"

"Hold your foul tongue child," hissed a cold voice. It took a moment for Tony to place it as Rose.

'What the hell was the harpy even going on about?' wondered Tony. He turned to Lily and felt his heart lurch.

Lily sat beside him pale and listless, eyes glazed over and studiously avoiding his eyes.

He reached over under the table and grabbed Lily's hand, holding it with firm reassurance. She didn't look at him, but he felt her hand close around his like a lifeline.

He didn't understand what was going on. He didn't understand what had drained all the life from Lily's eyes. And he couldn't fathom why his fiery Lily continued to take her sister's ridiculous venom...

But he would be damned if he was expected to sit here and watch it quietly.

Play nice his ass!

"Listen to me you maleficent hag, Lil' may love you and be willing to let the terrible things you're saying slide, but I'm not. Your tiny, jealous mind is too much for me to suffer," growled Tony.

"Jealous?!" scoffed Petunia. "You don't know what you're talking about--"

"I admit some of this conversation perplexes me, obviously there's some family secret that I'm not privy to that affects the dynamics. But your body language screams of repressed aggression and your words of a deep seated inferiority complex," said Tony.

"You don't know anything about me!"

"I know you fancy yourself a lady of high standing by the manner of your greeting, and that your family's humble beginnings must chaffe you viciously by your critical remarks about blood and breeding. Accordingly, you've no doubt already begun to line up 'appropriate' suitors of well funded stock with which to settle down into a stable and unremarkable life of procreation and home keeping. Unfortunately, your homely appearance, average intelligence, and mean personality has not given you much with which to barter upwards socially, so you feel the glass ceiling above you with equal parts contempt and frustration. To add insult to injury, your younger half sister-- a situation that has left its own chip on your shoulder-- possesses all that necessary to advance herself in whatever manner she would choose, whether it be to marry up into nobility or to blaze a path into a career of her choosing. And it burns you to know that her name will be lifted from the tongues of such exceptional people you will never have the pleasure of knowing.

You're right Petunia, I don't know just anything about you, I know everything about you that I need to know."

# "For the hundredth time Lily-- I am sorry!"

Tony was chasing Lily down the sidewalk, nearing Central Park. Part of him distantly wondered why he even bothered.

But a quiet yet stubborn voice at his center knew why. And so here he was.

The table was a silent battlefield after his scathing roast of Petunia Evans. Tony only had a moment to reflect that perhaps he should have reigned in the tongue lashing a bit before William was on his feet shouting god knew what in Tony's face. But before he could think of an appropriate way to respond Lily moved between them.

"You would side with him against your own sister?! Your own blood?!"

"No, but I refuse to let you abuse him like this when he was coming to my defense! You always turn a blind eye to Petunia's hateful words!"

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words--"

"CAN LEAVE WOUNDS THAT MAY NEVER HEAL!"

After that explosion, Lily had shot off out of the restaurant. Tony had only taken a moment to throw a couple hundred dollar bills at the waiter before he was out the door after her.

"Just tell me what I can do, what I can say--"

"Do you even know what you're apologizing for?!" Lily yelled as she finally spun around to face him, tears streaming down her beautiful face.

It was unfair how beautiful she was, even while crying.

"I don't know?! For castigating your sister? Pissing off Daddy?  Being an insensitive prick with a mouth that won't quit? Not minding my own damn business?  Pick one!  Why are you laughing?"

It was the most confusing thing. Lily was still crying, but now she was bent over double, laughing her ass off.

Most likely at his expense.

But whatever, even if there were still tears, there was a smile back on her face.

And suddenly Tony realized he would give anything-- anything-- to see it stay there.

Shit...

"Thank you," said Lily.

"Uh... could you run that by me again?" asked Tony, perplexed.

"You heard me."

"Ok, then clarify for what I'm being thanked," said Tony with an eye roll.

"Just... for being you," said Lily.

"Oh. Well, there's a first for everything I guess. Usually me being me ends with lawyers and calls to my parents," said Tony.

"Not this time. This time it ends with my thanks..."

Lily stepped forward, close enough that Tony could feel her breath. She leaned in, and he could feel the soft touch of her lips press against his cheek. As she lingered, his arms moved to embrace her.

She pulled back only enough for her bottle green eyes to meet his own.

Then she leaned in again, and this time their lips met, tentatively at first, then deeper just a moment later.

It was electric and it was gentle; it was passionate and it was calming.  It was precious, like holding a star in his hands... 

It was everything he wanted and like nothing he had ever had before.

And it was over all too quickly.

As Lily pulled away, Tony's hand moved to cup her face and keep her close, unwilling to completely give up what he had only just found.

"Tony... what is this?" asked Lily hesitantly.

"I don't know. But I don't plan to let it go," said Tony.

"We barely know each other..."

"Then we'll go on more dates. At better restaurants."

"I still have a year of school left in Scotland..."

"My family has a private jet."

"There are no airports nor phones anywhere near the school. Even our postal service is... not standard."

"Seriously? Are you sure you aren't going to school in a pocket dimension?" Tony asked with a raised eyebrow.

"It does feel like it sometimes," sighed Lily.

"Do you... I mean, if you aren't interested--"

He was cut off as her lips found his again.

"Did that seem uninterested to you?" said Lily when she pulled away again.

"Then stop blowing holes in my ship," said Tony.

"I feel like that's a reference, but I can't place it..."

"What I mean is, if you want to, I'm willing to find a way," said Tony. "But I need you to look for solutions, not problems."

"You make it sound so simple," said Lily.

"Why complicate it?" asked Tony.

"Because it is complicated," said Lily.

"It doesn't have to be," said Tony.

Lily sighed, "You don't understand..."

"Then help me to understand."

"That's the problem! I can't. It's illegal! I could do jail time if I did," said Lily.

"What in the hell are you mixed up in? Does it have to do with that civil unrest you mentioned?" asked Tony.

"Yes and no... they are related, but it would be a problem whether there was a war or not. It just makes it that much more dangerous," said Lily.

"Do you need a way out?"

Lily looked up at him and searched his face. She moved to speak before she halted and pursed her lips. After a moment she seemed to settle on a response.

"That is certainly one of my choices. One many others have already made.  It would be the easy choice. The smart choice..."

"But not what's right," finished Tony.

"When you have the power to help others, but you don't because of fear, it makes you complicit," said Lily.

"No, it makes you human," said Tony.

"Then perhaps we should aim to be a bit more than that. Instead of superhuman strength, we should try for superhuman heart and will," said Lily.

"That sounds great, but expecting people to be more than what they are... don't you think that's a bit unfair as well?" asked Tony.

"Perhaps..."

The lull in conversation stretched on, and Tony began to inspect their surroundings. It was long since dark, and they stood on the outskirts of Central Park.  They should probably head somewhere else soon...

"How did you know Petunia was my half-sister?"

"What? Oh, it was a bit of a deduction. Petunia's bone structure  and features only somewhat reflects her paternity and does not reflect your mother at all. Your father has brown hair and blue eyes, your mother has black with green eyes- Petunia is blonde with brown eyes. The likelihood of both of those traits coming through are relatively low if she were their daughter. Also, your father said 'my daughter' when referring to Petunia, not our daughter. And while the difference in age between you and Petunia is not large, Rose is already significantly younger than your father, and likely had you very young. If she were Petunia's mother as well, that would have pushed their relationship from the realm of 'serious age gap' into 'illegal.' Therefore I assumed Petunia a child from a previous marriage, and his marriage to Rose a matter of convenience and a need for a caregiver."

"You know what they say about assuming things?" asked Lily.

"I already know I'm an ass. But was I wrong?"

Lily sighed as she shook her head. "No, you're not wrong."

"So what is Petunia's problem? I get that there's stuff you apparently can't talk about, but it's obvious that something about your relationship disturbs her. With the way she seems to try and emulate Rose I would think it might have to do with you and your mother's relationship versus her own."

"You are perceptive beyond reason," laughed Lily. "How do you do it?"

"It's all in the details, my dear Watson."

"And what do the details tell you about me?" asked Lily fondly.

Tony let his eyes travel freely over Lily's form, until her cheeks began to show a dusting of pink.Then he took a step forward, drawing her into a light embrace.

"The dilation of your pupils and the flush of your cheeks at my proximity tell me you're intensely attracted to me..."

"Well done, Sherlock," said Lily with a roll of the eyes. "You've cracked the case."

"Your description of your school tells me that your exceptional grasp of modern sciences and technology didn't come from their halls, so you must be concurrently enrolled in a proper education program in addition to whatever 'specialized education' this Hogwarts must offer. This tells me that you are a brilliant, driven and stubborn woman, considering the hassle it must be to manage a concurrent enrollment out in the middle of nowhere with limited access to communication," said Tony.

Lily nodded, "I am in fact, concurrently enrolled."

"And the nature of your school itself is extremely telling. Remote--exclusive acceptance done by a manner not related to income, test aptitude, or generational acceptance--limited outside contact--confidential and specialized education.

Between that and Petunia's fit earlier... I gather you're something a little 'more' than the average human."

She did her best to quell her tells, but Lily couldn't quite stop the slight widening of her eyes, the sudden contraction of her pupils, or the subtle tightening around her mouth.

Like he said, he's always right.

Tony lifted his hand to cup her face, and gently stroked his thumb over the tight lines of her mouth. "Don't worry, I'm not going to ask. When you're ready though, I'll listen. Just wish there was something else I could do since powers or not, apparently that world of yours isn't safe right now."

"'Powers' only do so much good when the other side has them as well," said Lily. "I need you to promise you won't say anything about this to anyone. For your own sake."

"Alright, I promise. But if the shit hits the fan over there, I don't care what sort of abilities these people have, I'll come to get you," said Tony.

Lily didn't answer, but gave him a tremulous smile.

"Well, well, well... what have we here?"

<<<<>>>>

AN: Hey ya’ll decided to go ahead and throw this out into the wilderness.  I’ve been working on this story for a while, it will ultimately have a sequel, seeing as this work was originally started as a prologue to another story, it got out of hand and became its own thing.  Basically I wanted to write a story where Harry was Tony’s son, but didn’t have Lily cheating on James to make it happen. So... here we are. Thanks for reading. <3

[carfuckerlynch]

i wrote this is one sitting fueled by mitski and sleep deprived yearning. i hope u like it. shoutout to @farmcorelynch for introducing me to czeng bc its all i’ve thought about since like monday. its also on ao3 here

Noah was staring at the ceiling. It used to be, before they came back, that they could see the grain clearly, their ghostly eyes ungoverned by the laws of nature. They’d lie on their bed and trace the whorls of the wood, gaze traveling the length of each board. Now, though, with their limited, living eyes, the ceiling was too high to see in any detail. They flicked their thumbnail against the pad of their fingers, one two three four four three two one.

Sometime in the intervening seven years, they had forgotten how confining it was to be alive. Or, they supposed, they had never realized until they had been free to skip around in time. Now they were stuck, here, in this moment, and they had to take of their binder after ten hours.

They were bored.

That was unfamiliar.

They picked up their phone, the new one they’d bought after they came back. It didn’t have many numbers in it.

Gansey and Blue were probably off doing something disgustingly sappy and hetero, so that was out. Noah didn’t, particularly want, in that moment, Ronan’s particular brand of rough affection. Noah knew they could talk to Ronan if they wanted, but they were after a different brand of comfort. Something softer. They didn’t actually know what they wanted. They couldn’t quite pinpoint toward what their brand new heart was pulling.

They called Henry.

Henry picked up. “Good evening, my resurrected friend! How are you? What are you calling yourself today?”

Noah shrugged, then remembered Henry couldn’t see it. “Noah is fine. Neutral though. What about you?”

“I am excellent. Having a masculine day, methinks. How are you?”

“I’m not sure. Bored, mostly, I think.”

“Well, we can’t have that! What are you thinking? Hooliganism? Arcane rituals? Pizza?”

A smile curled Noah’s lips before they could stop it. “I think I've had enough of arcane rituals for now, and I’m not really that hungry, so, hooliganism, I guess.” “We could watch a movie!”

“A movie sounds nice. I’m just stuck in my room right now, I guess. I don’t even know why. It’s not like I'm grounded.”

Henry’s voice was quiet. “Sometimes, you just get stuck.”

Warmth spread through Noah’s fingers. This was two novel sensations; being known, and being warm.

Henry hung up the phone. He had moved from Litchfield after graduation, and now he lived in a little apartment a few blocks away. He lived alone. He loved it, not least because he could have people over at any hour he liked.

It was a short drive to Monmouth. Ten minutes after hanging up, Henry knocked on the door to Noah’s room.

It opened. Noah stood, eye to eye with Henry, blond hair mussed, wearing a gigantic t shirt tucked into expensively destroyed jeans. There seemed to be glitter smudged across their cheekbone, on top of their old mark. Henry was seized by the unaccountable desire to touch their face. Noah’s eyes had been colorless and dark when they were dead, but now they were clear grey. They were slightly flushed.

“Hey.”

Pulling himself awake, Henry produced a smile. “Hello! Shall we escape this hell of industrial vintage aesthetic?”

Eyes crinkling a little, Noah nodded, and followed Henry down to the weedy driveway.

As soon as the car door shut, Noah took possession of Henry’s phone, scrolling through his music. They couldn’t decide, so the two of them drove in silence. Henry kept stealing glances at Noah out of the corner of his eye. Their tousled hair, the long fair eyelashes that brushed the skin under their eye when they blinked.

Eyes on the road, Henry.

Noah wasn’t watching the movie. In theory, they wanted to. But much as they were interested in watching Kiera Knightly curse out whoeverthefuck played Mr. Darcy, their eyes kept escaping the screen, settling on the curve of Henry’s throat, the creases at the corners of his eyes when he laughed. Noah’s new heart squeezed in their chest when Henry turned to them, a smile still scrunching his nose, and asked “Say, are you going to hog all that glitter, or do you have any to spare?”

Grinning, Noah produced a vial of pink heart-shaped glitter from their pocket. “Are you sure you’re prepared for the power bestowed by this?”

Henry gasped. “I wouldn't want you to spend your best sparkles on me.” Reaching for Noah’s cheekbone, he braced his thumb on the turn of their jaw, and smeared some off onto his finger. “I’ll just borrow some of this.”

Noah’s lungs felt suddenly uncooperative. They felt color rising in their face, their ears heating. Shit. Feeling rather daring, Noah said, “You know, that’s not enough for someone as cute as you.” They unscrewed the jar’s lid and applied the flakes one by one over Henry’s nose and cheeks. They tried to ignore just how close they were to Henry.

Henry’s face was as red as Noah’s. He blinked, looking like a deer in headlights. A very pretty deer. At that thought, Noah spluttered and began to laugh. Henry’s brow creased, and then he joined in. They laughed so hard they couldn’t hear the movie, and tears sprang to Noah’s eyes.

When they were done laughing, Henry paused the movie. He pulled out his phone and a bluetooth speaker, and, as soon as the music began to play, he grabbed Noah by both hands and pulled them off the couch, and the two of them danced, swirling around the darkened room, laughing and tripping over furniture and their discarded shoes.

The song changed.

I love everybody because I love you/when you stood up, walked away barefoot/and the grass where you lay left a bed in your shape/I looked over it and I ached.

Suddenly, Henry was intensely aware of Noah’s smooth fingers pressed against the skin of his palm. Henry twirled them around and around, giggling when Noah tripped over their own feet, staggering until Henry pulled them upright.

All I need, darling/is a life in your shape/I picture it, soft, and I ache.

Noah’s face seemed very close, their light eyes bright with mirth, their lips parted in a helpless grin, hair falling over their eyes. They looked like they might speak.

Look at you, strawberry blond.

Before Noah could say anything, before he could second-guess himself, Henry said, very quietly, “I think I’d like to kiss you now, if you don’t mind.”

Noah blushed a brilliant pink, and then they leaned forward, very gently, and pressed their lips to Henry’s.

Henry felt like he was blooming. Petals, soft as Noah’s lips, unfurled inside his heart, stretching toward the sun. Cautious, he curled one hand over Noah’s jaw, where he had placed his thumb earlier. Noah’s fingers tangled with his by their side, their free hand resting softly against the bottom of Henry’s ribcage.

When they separated, foreheads touching, Noah said quietly, “I have wanted to do that since the day I met you.”

Henry’s breath caught, and it was a moment before he could say, “Me too.”

Noah pressed another kiss against the corner of Henry’s mouth, and Henry could feel them smiling against his skin.

“Wanna finish the movie?”

Henry nodded, and the two of them returned to the couch, this time with Noah’s head in Henry’s lap, Henry carding his fingers through Noah’s soft curls. Once, Noah grabbed his hand and Henry was afraid he had annoyed them, but they simply kissed his palm and stuck his hand back in their hair.

“You’re a flirt,” He accused.

“What are you gonna do about it?”

Henry made a mock-pensive face. “Given my options, I think that I will date you.”

Noah’s mouth popped open like a nutcracker. Then they turned pink (again) and grinned foolishly. Henry couldn’t help himself, he kissed them on the end of their nose, then on their lips, upside-down. Noah sat up and turned so Henry could kiss them properly.

So Henry did.

[feitclub]

In The Cards

It all started with James Bond, the arbiter of worldliness and all things cool when I was just a kid stuck in suburbia. The movies were frequently shown on TV and I made it a point to watch them all over and over again. One of my early favorites was Live and Let Die: the theme song kicked ass, it was Roger Moore's first film so he would never look more handsome, and the movie was full of straight-up magic. The bad guys have a fortune teller on their side, and she can seemingly see everything James Bond will do, even from a great distance. The key to her abilities, aside from her being a virgin (which Bond *ahem* takes care of) was her use of tarot cards. Drawing randomly from this special deck of cards, she could literally see the past, the present, and the future.

I had never heard of tarot cards before but I knew I wanted them. I could not have been older than 12.

When I got my hands on a deck, likely from a book store at the mall, there was an instant level of disappointment. The tarot cards in the Live and Let Die had a very specific look to them, and I had presumed that was just how all tarot cards would look. The deck which I bought (received? I don't remember if my parents were in on this) looked different. All the cards were there, but the art I had expected was not. The biggest difference that stood out to me was the "Death" card: in Live and Let Die that card has a super badass drawing of Death-incarnate wearing a suit of armor while riding a Pale Horse as all manner of human beings knelt or simply fell before him. In my deck, Death looked like a cartoon skeleton without clothes or a horse as he literally reaped the grass with a scythe. I am not here to judge aesthetics, but if you see something in a movie and you end up buying something else, especially as a kid, that's not going to sit right.

(I have tried to use modern search engine tools to discover what kind of deck I had: it was easy to figure out that Live and Let Die used a kind of Rider-Waite-Smith deck, but I think I might have ended up with a variant on a Marseilles deck - exactly which variant, I could not say)

Artistically it was a let down but the appeal of the tarot cards only increased as I learned more about them. First, I discovered that the deck was huge with 78 different cards: the big-picture cards that were featured in the film with names like "The Lovers" and "The Fool" were part of the Major Arcana, but there was also a full set of Minor Arcana which resembled playing cards: four suits, lots of numbers, and several face cards. Secondly, every card had two different "readings," depending on which direction the card faced when drawn.

78 cards, all with two different meanings, meant memorization. As a kid, I was all about memorization. In elementary school my friend Sasha and I tried to memorize the Periodic Table and I think we made it to the lanthanides. When I discovered the joy of watching professional sports, I made a point of memorizing all the teams - by division - in all four major sports leagues. Then I started memorizing the championship winners (and the runners-up) of each major sports league for the last ten years...then the last 20. These tarot cards were going to be my new thing, I could feel it.

I started carrying the cards with me wherever I went. As a kid in school this was easy since I always had a backpack on so the size of the cards meant nothing. Sasha and I (we had watched Live and Let Die together, so this became a team obsession) each had our own deck and we both would take turns drawing cards and looking them up in the little booklet that came in the box. I can remember taking them with us on a school trip to Boston and when we weren't in awe of the historical sights (do I need to tell you we were both nerds?) we kept up our tarot studies while walking around town. On one occasion, just as we drew a card and the booklet said it meant "danger," a car honked its horn at us. We were walking in the middle of the street! Clearly, the magic was real.

The tiny booklet also included a recommended layout when "reading" the cards. The lady in the movie just turned them over one at a time and everything made sense to her, but instead these instructions had us laying out ten different cards in a pattern where each card has a different relationship to the reader. Today I can tell you this pattern is called a "celtic cross" and it is only one of many, many shapes and patterns that can be used, but preteen me did not have that information. I had clear directions: to read the cards I had to flip over ten of them and explain them all.

Before I knew it, before either of us were really ready to be doing anything like this, I remember both of us became tarot card readers at our synagogue for a Purim festival. At the time I didn't think anything was weird, but in hindsight I am impressed that no one raised an objection to kids bringing such a thing into the synagogue so we could be fortune tellers. I should say that we were members of a Reform Temple and I cannot recall ever hearing words like "blasphemy" or "occult" used by our rabbi or anyone else in authority; it stood in contrast to all those self-described Christians I would see on TV who were mad about evolution being taught in schools, talking animals existing as characters in children's books, or anything else we might read in a Chick Tract (which come to think of it, we also discovered around this time while riding Metro-North trains into New York City).

My tarot reading habit did not last; Sasha and I had a falling out of sorts and other things just became more important than these strange cards. My deck sat on a shelf in my room for years until I moved out of my childhood home. I cannot say for certain but it more than likely did not leave with me. But my curiosity surrounding the tarot would linger in my mind and resurface soon enough just as my next big obsession would come along and reveal itself to be tarot-adjacent: JoJo's Bizarre Adventure.

When I discovered JoJo via a fan-subtitled bootleg VHS in the late 1990s, I had no idea the six episodes of anime I just saw covered only one small part of an ongoing (to this day!) manga. The story, as presented on the tape, started in the middle of the action. A lot of it did not make sense, but I latched onto one element right away: every character had superpowers which were embodied - literally - in a spiritual version of themselves on screen and all these alter-egos had tarot-related names: Star Platinum. Hierophant Green. THE WORLD. There wasn't much connection between the card names and the powers they possessed, but it was the coolest thing I had ever seen. If I had still owned a deck I might have started imagining other powers for the other cards not shown on screen (not knowing that they were all represented in some fashion in the original manga).

Leap forward another - gosh, twenty years? - and my tarot fascination never really went away. When I see a Kickstarter or an Etsy page for a new take on tarot cards, I often take a peek at what ideas are on display. A lot of them are just...porn-y. Some are cute. But I'm old(er) now, I don't have the raw enthusiasm I did when I was in 7th grade and the prospect of magic playing cards just made perfect sense. I see daily horoscopes on Japanese TV which I recognize aren't "real," how could I scoff at one kind of fortune telling and then pick up a deck of tarot cards?

Except...who cares if it's "real." What does it matter if these cards are, ultimately, a random assortment of quality art? It's been three entire decades since I first saw them and I'm still deeply intrigued. Part of being old(er) is coming to terms with your own tastes and biases; I no longer need to apologize or feel shame for liking old pop songs or macho action movies and if I've always had a feeling that tarot cards are cool, that feeling is correct.

There's also the feeling that I know so little about tarot cards that I cannot possibly pass judgement on people who use them. I recently started testing a Body Positivity mobile app that uses tarot cards as a means to spark self-reflection and, well, body positivity. The tarot cards in the app are not "real," they're not even physical. They're just drawings on a screen. But the drawings are nice, and if flipping a virtual card over can have a real impact on my own mind, who's to say what flipping real cards over could do?

Even though I felt a need to write all this down, I'm not actually seeking permission here. I already made up my mind and bought a brand-new deck of tarot cards. It's here, next to me. I’ve opened them. I try to draw a few cards whenever I have a chance, but I don't know where this reignited interest will take me. Will I start memorizing them all, again? Will I have another car-honking-its-horn-at-me moment? Maybe I'll just enjoy them aesthetically (they are very nice-looking if I may say so). I don't know what will come next any more than these cards do, but I know I like having them here and I want to know more. At the very least, tarot cards have already taught me an important lesson: I know better than to try and read them while walking in the middle of the road.

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