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sturniolotrip-samandcolby-lover · 8 months ago

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Chris sturniolo fanfiction -first time

Smut 18+ no minors beyond this point thanks .

Word count 2k

Summary -you stay with the triplets as the house is infected with COVID ,while you spend all day every day with your boyfriend and important event happens .

Warnings - smut , mentions of COVID, honest first time experience, mentions of blood,oral sex female recieving, penetrative sex chris X reader.small age gap (20 and reader being 22)

No y/n

Not proof read

If I've misses anything please let me know

Well my trip to see my boyfriend and his brothers didn't go the way we expected .Nick , Chris and Matt went to do their weekly car video and poor nick coughing like no tomorrow I stayed at their house catching up on sleep .I was woken up when they returned at 2:30 am hearing nick telling his younger brothers how bad his throat feels .I hear Chris suggest "why don't you do a COVID test , you know just incase ?" I heard nick snigger with him believing that he couldn't possibly have COVID .

5 minutes later all I heard for a chorus of the 3 of them all saying shit , I jumped to the conclusion that nick had received a positive result ....I knew then that Chris and I would be spending alot of time alone all of a sudden .I was brought of of my sleep daze when my perfect boyfriend walked into the room with a COVID test in his hand , he was surprised to see I was already sat up in bed awaiting for him .

" Bad news nicks got COVID , Matt has tested negative and so have I but we're all going to stay in our rooms to stop it spreading , I'm gonna need you to take a test too .Even if it's positive you can stay with me baby " he said the last part so sweetly knowing i have a fear of sick and illness.

I do the test finishing it with a sneeze as Chris gets ready for bed .We wait 3 minutes to see that I'm negative too , Chris sends a quick message to his brothers telling him the news .

We both settle down in the covers while we put on a film , Chris lets me pick it this time knowing that I will most likely fall asleep early into it meaning he can change it over shortly.I pick the film 'after' , we're half way through the film and as the characters finish at the wedding they return home and begin to have sex with it being the girls first time and the guy having experience .I shift uncomfortably as I imagine myself and Chris being in the same situation with me still being a virgin and Chris having experience.I was very open with him about this when we started dating , he has always been understanding about it and never rushed me .

Chris notices my sudden shift as I press my thighs together, I then start yawning more frequently my sudden awakening earlier now catching up to me ."shall we go sleep now love" I hear Chris whisper to me assuming that his brothers was asleep already ."ye-" I begin to respond yes when I'm cut out by yet another yawn .He laughs at this and begins pulling me into him so I can lay my head on his chest as he aims to hold me until i fall asleep .

We're silent for 5 minutes,I can't get the picture of Chris and I being in the position of the characters out of my head .I assume Chris has fell asleep as I'm caught up in my own thoughts to notice how his soft snores haven't started yet.

"Baby I noticed earlier when the film was on how you was when the sex scene came on, what's on your mind?" His soft voice brought me out of my train of thought.I frozen trying to think quickly of what to say feeling all of a sudden very embarrassed at his mention.I stay silent "it's nothing to be embarrassed about babe just tell me and we can talk it through and see what can be done " he says comfortingly.

I take a deep breath and a quick pause "okay ...well it's been playing on my mind recently ..." He hums in response, I pause again "just say it baby " he whispers as he stroke my hair trying his best to comfort me ."I've been thinking about us having sex , im ready i swear im just scared" i waffle onto him .

He pauses for a second " why didn't you tell me love,we can do it whenever you're ready , I'm going to be honest it's not going to be like the films it could be painful, there could be blood .I've looked it up but it'll be okay baby , I'll make it as comfortable as possible for you baby I swear I'll take care of you "

As each words fall out of his mouth I couldn't fall more in love with him , I have no response to him i just lean up and give him a passionately kiss ."i love you " i whisper to him , he responds with a simple "i love you too " he looks so beautiful as his skin is lightened up by his red led strip lights around his bed .

I decided in that moment that I wanted to be with him , connected to him in anyway I can .I show him this with yet another passionate kiss , "are you sure you want this baby?" He asks concern in his eye."I'm 1000% sure I want to be with you in every way right now " I respond.He shifts from under me leaving with a quick kiss and he goes to the bathroom, he returns with a towel and some little tea lights that he had already lit and had placed on either side of the bed as he lays the towel in the middle of the bed over the sheet and he returns back to the bed I move onto the towel allowing space for Chris to get back on the bed , he kisses me with more passionate as he moves on top of me I naturally open my legs so that they can rest on his hips and he can lay between my legs .

The kissing continues with more passion as I grab at his shirt , he takes my hint and takes it off he quickly returns a quick kiss to my lips .His finger tips brush slightly against my waist just in my shirt ." Take it off ... please" I whisper against his lips .He pulls back and takes my oversized shirt off , I'm left in just my underwear feeling exposed I quickly reach to cover my chest but I'm stopped by Chris's fingers drawing shapes on my hands "don't do that baby , you're beautiful"

He says admiring me .

I remove my hands as he kisses down my neck , he looks up at me quickly " just say the word girly and I'll stop"I nod my head quickly in anticipation on waiting for what is about to happen I've thought about it so much but to actually be in it now feels surreal.

He leaves sweet kissed down my neck and to my breasts , the kisses so light they tickle against my skin .He reaches my nipple and takes it in his mouth as soon as he has it I'm over taken by pleasure I never thought was possible.With his hand massaging my other breast he continues to swap between each breast and nipple .

His free hand subconsciously finds it's way to the hem line of my underwear he feels me tense up lightly surprised by the roughness of his fingers .

"Sorry" he replies quickly , I shake my head ."take them off please" I say to him , he looks me in the eyes looking for a change of my mind .He removes them so quickly and throws them to the floor he looks down "so beautiful" he whispers to himself I blush at his comment.

He starts to kiss down my stomach going over my stomach and kissing my hip bones .I already know that the site of him I'm soaked and by the smile on his face , he knows too .

"Can I " he asks I nod my head in response " I need to hear you use your words princess" he says against my hips."yes" I respond blushing at his new nickname for me .As soon as the word falls out of mouth his mouth is wrapped around my bud and when his mouth isn't sucking on my sensitive nub , his tongue is running up and down my slit collecting any wetness my body has created .Im a moaning mess and glad to know that his brothers bedrooms are on a different level.

After endless minutes of pleasure purely by Chris's mouth he looks at me "I'm gonna use my finger , is that okay baby" he asks I return a breathy "yes" in response.Again as soon as the word falls out of my my his pushes one of his slender fingers into my heat , he continues thrusting his digit into me and the slight uncomfortable feeling is overwhelmed by the immense pleasure I feel building in my stomach and his tongue works just as fast in my clothes as his finger is with my heat .

I pull his hair and feel him moan against my heat cause my orgasm to rip through my body I'm a moaning , shaking mess and Chris continues to ride me through my orgasm .I open my eyes to see him hovering over me ,his lips wet with what's left over of my orgasm.

I noticed the tent that's in his boxers nerves and excitement ripping through my body just like the orgasm beforehand .I reach down to pull them down and his size springs up and slaps him on his stomach ."are you ready baby you can still say no" he says concern evident in his voice ."yes im ready" I whisper with a kiss he quickly leans over to open a condom wrapper .The more I look at his member the bigger it seems to grow by the second , he rolls it down his cock and lines it up with my entrance .With one look again to ask consent i nod my head and rest my hands on his broad shoulders .

As soon as he pushes in the instance stretch and pain shoots through me , my grip tightens on his shoulders and my eyes closed with my face contorting in pain ."breathe through it baby just breathe" he kisses my lips so sweetly until I nod to him so he can move , he starting thrusting in and out of me as the pain quickly becomes pleasure im moaning into Chris's mouth and he does the same to me .In minutes he's thrusting into me at a inhumane speed , he quickly rubs circles on my clit .His lips so close to mine he moans "cum for me baby , on 3 we cum together" he suggest to me , I nod my head .

"1.......2........3" he whispers and we're both moaning messes and I fell myself come undone yet again around his cock and I feel him filling up the condom inside of me .We both open our eyes , still connected and he kisses me as he pulls out leaving me wincing at the slight pain it causes.

We spend minutes naked , catching our breath in comfortable silence ."we should go and cleaned up baby" he breaks the silence as he takes the condom off and places it in the bin .

He picks me up bridal style , both naked and carries me to his bathroom.He leaves me to go toilet and the instant burn is beyond uncomfortable, he returns back with a pair of his jogging bottoms and a sports bra of mine , he brings me fresh underwear and pulls out a sanitary pad .

He hands it to me getting down to my eye level " how you feeling baby" he asks "sore I say but so happy , what's that for" I ask nodding to the pad ." You bleed abit babe" he says with sorry in his eyes .I go red in embarrassment " it's perfectly normal baby just pop this on and we can go cuddle and sleep " I obliged and once I'm done he carries me again bridal style back to bed .

We get comfy again "I'm so proud of you baby , I love you so much" he whispers to me as I drift to sleep in his hair .

This took forever guys but I hope you like it , please like comment and follow if you can

Xoxo hj

#chris sturniolo #fanfiction #nick sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #mattsturniolo #the sturniolos #matt sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo smut #sturniolo #chris sturniolo imagine

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radiowallet · 1 year ago

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Eyes Open - Chapter 6

Pairing: Marcus Moreno x Amy Oliver (ofc) Summary: Thursday night is spaghetti night. WC: 3.3K Warnings: 18+ MDNI Canon-typical violence, talk of police work, slow burn, yearning, idiots friends to lovers, financial stressors, second chance romance, workplace romance (sort of), older love interest, single parents, DID I MENTION THE YEARNING?

Series Masterlist II Main Masterlist II Marcus Moreno Masterlist

Cross-Posted to AO3

Part 5 >>> Part 7

For any new writing follow @radiowallet-writes and turn on notifications.

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The plan for tonight was spaghetti.

Amy usually does her best to stick to a few consistent staples when cooking. It wasn’t that Harris was a picky eater. She was about as adventurous as any 7-year-old could be, happy to at least try anything once before falling back on her favorites.

Honestly, though, dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets were nothing to sneeze at.

It was more born out of convenience. Life was already hectic, but the inclusion of a kid and a job and exactly zero partners to help carry the load seemed to make small things like dinner time more stressful than necessary. After struggling for years, Amy stumbled into the mom-blog side of the internet, and meal planning became a new part of her and Harris’s routine. And with that came a (somewhat) scheduled weekly menu.

Thursday night was spaghetti night.

Amy wasn’t sure how to explain that or her lack of a last minute babysitter or the fact that Harris needed extra help with her spelling without eating into the short time Marcus already had so she settled with a pathetic, “Sort of?”

Maybe it’s the fact that he knows her so well. Or that he’s also a single parent who also doesn’t know how to have a social life. But either way, Amy’s answer doesn’t seem to bother him in the slightest. He shoots her that familiar smile, teeth and dimple still enough to steal her breath away, and promises to find her when he’s done.

She heads back to her desk after that, turning her focus to the mountain of paperwork she had been avoiding for the better part of her morning. It’s a welcome distraction, her heart always too fixated on what Marcus may be doing downstairs. Police tactics weren’t exactly angelic; a fact that had kept her up more nights than she cared to admit and she knew he had his own feelings on the topic.

But what would Marcus ask that Derek or the detectives wouldn’t? More importantly, how would he ask?

She pushes her concerns to the back of her mind for the time being. It didn’t do her any good to worry. She trusted Marcus to walk the tightrope that stretches out in front of him. She just hoped he has a backup plan in case his steps ever faltered.

The coffee he left her is still warm, the taste of cinnamon sharp and sweet on her tongue. She sips at it slowly, checking boxes and stamping seals and avoiding the treacherous tick of the clock. She doesn’t have to sit with the feeling much longer, Marcus appears suddenly, his large body squished into the small chair beside her desk.

“You didn’t try the muffin?” He asks, bypassing his coffee to peek into the pastry bag.

“You’re the one with the insatiable sweet tooth. I wanted to wait and split it with you.”

“I’m touched,” he teases with a poke of his foot to her calf. “So…about tonight?”

“Straight to it then,” Amy marvels, scribbling her signature at the bottom of a transfer form.

“It took me this long to finally work up the courage. Not much can stop me at this point.”

His hand, so much bigger than her own, reaches out, stilling the nervous scratch of her pen. She turns her attention to him fully, teeth biting into her lip, waiting for him to pull the trigger at point blank.

“Amy? Will you have dinner with me tonight?

It slips out before she can take the time to think of anything but the truth. “It’s spaghetti night.”

“…okay.”

“I mean…in Harris’s case, it’s buttered noodle night. And she has homework. Spelling. Math. Plus reading, which she hates. And we have an 8:30 bedtime and I don’t have a sitter lined up. Usually, it’s my friend Christine but I hate asking last minute. I’m not great at last minute.”

Marcus smiles throughout the entirety of her rambling, his hand never leaving hers, only speaking when her mini-rant comes to an end.

“I like spaghetti.”

She swears she can feel her heart skip a beat.

“You do?”

He nods, scooting his chair in closer. “It’s been a while since I’ve helped with homework or done bedtime, but I’ve heard my storytelling skills are off the charts. I even have references.”

“Not much of a first date.”

“I disagree.”

She sighs then smiles, knowing by now there would be little she could say to change his mind. Far be it for her to point out how stubborn Marcus Moreno could be.

“Meet at my place? Around 6?”

He holds her gaze as he licks his lips and nods, his words reconfirming his deliberate intentions. “It’s a date.”

——

“So I have my cell on me and Miracle Guy will be pulling the late night coverage. Plus there’s the emergency line here at headquarters.”

Missy watches her dad shuffle and reshuffle the papers on his desk, rattling off the same set of instructions he’s given her at least twice now.

“Remember, this is intel collection only. You are not to engage for any reason.”

Marcus squares his shoulders and stares her down, eyebrows raised in expectation. She fights down the urge to roll her eyes toward the ceiling, instead nodding at each statement he makes, the tone of his voice veering more towards Heroic than Dad.

“I want you to make that clear to the others as well. They take point from you out there, not the other way around. Did you review the report I left for you?”

“Yes,” she answers, bending down to tighten the laces of her boots. “And both Wildcard and Wheels have gone over it too.”

He watches her from across the desk, brown eyes sweeping from the top of her head down to the tips of her toes and back again, something somber suddenly filling the air between them. Before Missy can dig into what is bothering him he’s shaking his head and moving around his desk to stand directly in front of her, arms still crossed over his chest.

“If you read it then you know this is serious.”

“So I need to take it seriously,” she half-groans, this time letting her eyes roll upward, her neck twisting in time with her (slightly) mocking tone.

“Yes,” Marcus agrees softly, that same somber look in his eyes bleeding out into that one single syllable. Missy chances a peek back at her father, a sudden sweeping of guilt threatening to swallow her whole. “You watch. Listen. Report back.”

She straightens up and nods, letting the levity of everything her father isn’t saying sit upon her shoulders. “Yes, sir.”

“Good. And please, please,” he stresses, his tone shifting back towards concerned parent. “Text me the second you get home.”

This really gets her attention. She knew her dad had finally pulled the trigger, making plans with Amy for dinner. He had tried to mention it offhandedly, telling Missy how he was going across town to join Amy and her daughter Harris for dinner at their place. The blush that bloomed across his face was adorable, and despite her instinct to lean into her second-hand embarrassment, she couldn’t help but be excited for him. She had seen Marcus attempt to re-enter the dating pool a few times, but not a single one had him grinning the way this future plate of spaghetti did. It made her smile too.

“Oh, is someone planning on a late night?”

Marcus barks out a laugh, stepping back towards his desk to collect the last of his things, shooting Missy a frown. Unfortunately for her dad, it loses a lot of its steam when the curve of his lips pulls upwards. “Just humor your old man, Mija.”

“Sure thing, Dad,” she hums, still smiling in his direction. “Sure thing.”

——

Marcus’s palms are sweaty, one hand wrapped around the neck of a bottle of wine, the other clutching a bouquet of wisteria, the pink petals tickling his wrist where they spill out over the cellophane. He gives the flowers a glance, biting at the inside of his cheek as he second guesses them. It had caught him embarrassingly off guard when he stepped into the flower shop and realized he didn’t know what flowers Amy liked. Or if she even liked flowers.

How was that possible?

Other than Miracle Guy, she was practically his best friend. He knew what pens she preferred (ballpoint, black ink), how she took her coffee (no sugar, drowning in milk), how obsessed she was with finishing the Sunday crossword.

But flowers…?

He stood in front of the display of red roses longer than he was proud, ever aware of the pressure that particular bloom possessed but unable to think of any other idea. And then he glanced back to where a young girl was putting together arrangements, a pile of pink and green to her left. The long stems and curved petals instantly reminded him of Amy, the shape of them matching the swoop of her handwriting. Before logic could kick in, he followed his instincts, asking the girl politely to wrap them up.

He swallows hard and knocks with the bottom of the wine bottle, the sound of Amy’s voice mixing with Harris’s floating through the door before it’s even opened. Amy flings it open, music floating out around her, the smell of something warm following. She’s still dressed in the clothes she was wearing earlier, only her heels missing, bare toes digging into the plush of her welcome mat.

“Hey,” she breathes, tilting her head to rest on the door, little tendrils of hair falling down from the messy bun atop her head.

“Hey,” he parrots back, and then as if suddenly remembering himself, he holds out his hands awkwardly.

“Is red okay?”

She nods, then steps aside, pulling him in by the curve of his elbow, her eyes shifting from the bottle of wine to the bouquet.

He laughs and shrugs. “Um, I know it’s a little cheesy…but, well…”

Amy doesn’t say anything at first, looking over the bunch of wisterias held out to her, her cheeks warming over with a soft tinge of pink. She swallows around nothing and nods again, finally finding something to say.

“It’s been a really long time since someone brought me flowers.”

She takes the bouquet gingerly, cradling it between her hands and turning towards the kitchen, motioning for Marcus to follow. A small cough catches his attention, Harris watching from where she clings to the back of a kitchen chair, wide eyes glued to him.

“Jellybean, you remember Marcus right? From the grocery stores last week?”

The little girl nods, pigtails flopping forward and backward with the movement, her cheeks tinting the same sweet shade of pink as her mom’s.

“He’s gonna eat with us. Is that okay?”

She nods again, wide eyes shifting back and forth between Marcus and Amy.

“Hey, Harris,” Marcus greets, bending down to look her in the eye. “What are you working on?”

“Homework,” she whispers, looking back and forth between Marcus and Amy.

“Oh, yeah?”

She nods again, chin coming to rest on the back of the chair so Marcus can see her whole face. “Mommy was helping me spell.”

“I sure was,” Amy chimes in from where she’s filling a vase with water. “But that sheet is all done. It’s time to do your reading.”

“But Moooooooom,” Harris whines, her bottom lip jutting out as far as she can push it. “Reading is boring!”

“I definitely disagree,” Amy counters back, with absolutely zero heat in her words despite the stern weight of her tone. “Grab your book. It’s 30 minutes tonight. I’ll set the timer. By the time you’re done, you should be able to help me set the table.”

The two of them stare each other down for exactly 3 seconds before Harris caves, grabbing a thin paperback from her bookbag and darting to the couch where she flops down with zero grace. Amy doesn’t say anything else, instead fishing her phone out of her back pocket and tapping the screen to set the timer. Marcus watches from where he leans against the counter, unable to do anything but smile.

“What?”

“Just impressed,” he admits.

Amy scoffs, opening the drawer to her left and pulling out a corkscrew, tossing it to Marcus with a roll of her eyes.

“Impressed by what? My stubborn 7-year-old?”

“More like your ability to hold your ground in the face of unbearable pressure.”

He opens the wine with ease, and Amy holds out two wine glasses for him to fill, head tilting in his direction.

“I mean, you know how it is. You had to do it too.”

“Yeah, but Missy was 10 by the time I had to do it alone,” he reasons with half a shrug. “She was a little bit more self-sustaining.”

“Still,” she hums, bringing her wine glass to her lips. “You did it.”

“Yeah, though I wish I could get a second run at puberty. I think I may have flubbed that one up.”

Her face drops, something close to horror crossing her features. “Oh, what did you do?”

“Well, first I brought home a pamphlet from the doctor.”

“Marcus…”

“And then I called my mom.”

“Good god.”

“I came really close to asking you.”

The last admission seems to catch her by surprise. She stops suddenly where she’s opening a box of pasta, wide eyes pinned to Marcus. “Why didn’t you?”

“We had only met the year before. What was I supposed to say? ‘Hey, new friend who puts her job on the line repeatedly so I can be better at mine. Will you come talk to my pre-teen about her changing body?’”

“I mean, when you put it like that,” Amy laughs, the back of her hand pressed to her mouth. The moment is small, the two of them giggling into their glasses, intimate and lived in all at once. It would have been easy to forget they weren’t alone until—

“Moooooommy!”

“Yes, Sweetie?”

“I don’t know this word!”

Amy moves towards the living room where Harris is calling for her, but Marcus stops her, pressing his hand to the one she has wrapped around her wine glass.

“Hey, let me,” he offers.

“No, no, you don’t have to.”

“I want to,” he promises.

Harris is waiting in the living room, a frown pinching at her small features at the sight of Marcus and not Amy. He ignores the look for now, sitting beside her on the couch with an over-exaggerated ‘oof.’

“Which word is giving you trouble, kiddo?”

For a moment she doesn’t answer, still watching him carefully, as if he was a wild animal sent here to interrupt the careful routine her mother has set up for her, but after a few beats she gives in, pointing at her book emphatically.

“This one!”

Marcus hums in thought before suggesting they sound it out together. From the kitchen, he can feel Amy’s eyes on him but he refuses to look up, focusing instead on Harris and the task at hand. Once they work out the word together, she asks him to stay.

“Just in case,” the little girl reasons, her eyes already back on the page.

Marcus is happy to, settling back into the couch cushions and letting his eyes take in the entirety of Amy’s home. With each sweep of his gaze around the room, he couldn’t help but notice how it seemed so her. Everything had a place, a purpose, and still, it all felt so comfortable. There were pillows and blankets everywhere, candles and twinkle lights, shelves filled with books and records, and Barbie dolls.

It wasn’t until he turned back to Harris that he noticed the twin bed pushed into the alcove of the living room, decorated in a way that he could have easily mistaken it for another couch.

“That’s where I sleep,” Amy pulls his focus back to where she stands above him, offering him the glass of wine he had abandoned in the kitchen. “It’s only a one-bedroom, and miss queen bee over there needs her own space.”

“Sure do!” Harris squeaks, eyes still pointed at her book.

Amy laughs, leaning over to tug lightly at one brown pigtail before moving over to the record player. She raises the needle and flips the record with ease. Marcus can’t look away as she carefully sets the needle back down, her hips swaying along to the first bars of ‘Feeling Good.’

“It’s quite a collection.”

Amy hums, admiring the row of vinyl, nodding slowly in agreement. “There’s a good second-hand shop just two blocks over. I can usually find some hidden treasures there.”

“Is it safe to assume the Nina Simone record belongs to Harris?”

“Obviously,” Amy quips on her way back to the kitchen.

Minutes later the timer is going off and Harris is whooping with glee, the worn-out pages of Charlotte’s Web forgotten in lieu of a chore that still seems like fun.

After the three of them finish first and second helpings of spaghetti, and an hour of playtime followed by 3 bedtime stories, Marcus and Amy are shoulder to shoulder, washing the last of the dirty dishes.

“I still can’t believe you have Heroics action figures.”

“You didn’t have fun playing with yourself?”

Marcus swings the dishtowel in his hands at Amy’s hip, but he can’t help but laugh along with her at the memory.

After plates were cleared and leftovers were stored away, and the dirty dishes left in the sink ‘for later,’ the three of them settled in the living room. The sultry tones of Nina Simone were traded out for the upbeat swing of ABBA, while Harris pulled a box of toys out from under the couch. A mix of action figures and Barbie dolls spilled out onto the floor, and before he knew what was happening, a familiar piece of black and tan plastic was shoved into his hands, the addition of a pink tutu only a little bit surprising. With zero hesitation Harris let him know his costume was, simply put, not pretty.

“What can I say? They were on clearance,” she shrugs. “Plus, Harris loves Miracle Guy’s fancy cape,” she adds on, turning her attention to the pile of soapy dishes.

The word clearance catches his attention, adding to the long list of little things Amy did to keep costs down. A one-bedroom apartment, coupons and shopping sales, second-hand stores and used books. There was a guy. Of course, Marcus knows there was a guy. Amy had told him over coffee one day how prince charming hadn’t wanted to step up, and she had no desire to force him to do so. There was zero anger in her then, just the same as she is now, a fact that only has Marcus’s fury mounting.

He lets his jaw tick left than right, fists clenching around the dish towel until his knuckles bleed white. “You know, if you wanted, I could track him down for you.”

“No.”

She doesn’t ask for clarification. She doesn’t need to.

“Ames…”

“No,” she insists, eyes like fire where they focus on the soapy water, her hands scrubbing furiously at what looks to be a very clean plate. “No, Marcus. This is exactly why I was nervous to start this with you.”

She stills, brown eyes fluttering open and shut as she breathes in and out. Slowly she turns to him, cupping his cheeks in wet hands, her thumbs stroking a path of suds across his skin. Her smile is patient but painted in a sadness he rarely sees, and when she finally speaks, it’s with more conviction than he thought was possible.

“We’re not looking to be saved.”

Marcus licks his lips, hands finding the curve of her hip, watching with hungry eyes as a shiver moves up her body from his touch. They stay that way, his broad frame towering over her, her warm cheeks and parted lips inches away from his own. He steps in close enough to taste the wine on her breath, the tip of his nose tickling hers, back and forth and back, until finally, she’s smiling again. Only then does he ask the question burning at the tip of his tongue.

“We’re starting something?”

“Yeah,” she whispers, leaning back to look him in the eyes. “I think we are.”

----

Part 5 >>> Part 7

A/N: Listen, listen! I know! But we gotta let that slow burn do its thing!

Dedicating this song and this chapter to @jazzelsaur who put this together very quickly while beta reading and now it's basically the theme song for Amy and Marcus.

#Marcus Moreno #Marcus Moreno fic #Marcus Moreno x ofc #we can be heroes fic #we can be heroes #pedro pascal characters #Spotify

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aromanticannibal · 1 year ago

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Ok, Feldup recs post!

Mostly my opinion (which is wildly positive) on his most recent album, Stared at from a Distance.

youtube

Warnings, this entire album talks about Feldup's SA from a woman twice his age. It's hard to listen to, it was hard to listen to for me, who suffered through no such experiences and isn't triggered, squicked or made uncomfortable by many things.

First, I'd advise that you listen to the entire album all at once (which breaks throughout if needed), in order and with lyrics (there are subtitles in the linked video). I promise it's worth it. Now for my favorite songs :

Stared at from a Distance (2nd track, 12:06), is obviously incredible and one of my faves. It's pretty long and is way more explicit on what it's talking about than Waters (4:55), the first track (which I really liked too, the music video for it is excellently made as well). I really love the way the instrumental and beat switches throughout to accompany the story, and the end of the song made me think I was going to cry (I just needed to sneeze but tbh it's still crying material). Really good, if you listen to only one song in the album I think it should be this one. (Side note, I'm also wondering if I didn't hear part of that song when I was at Feldup's concert - it was before the album was out, but you know. I don't think I heard all of it, but maybe I just forgot).

Naked and Afraid (3rd track, 3:11) is very good and picks up very well after the second track. It makes you understand that this album really is a story you're following, and you're going to get every detail of it. The following track, Dizzy (4:11) is transitioned to so well I thought it was the same song (it's also excellent), and Fear of Abandonment (4:07) right after is like. Painful. /pos

Shove it (6th track, 03:39) is honestly terrifying to listen to, and it works very well for its subject. I don't even have much to talk about for this one, it's just really good. The 7th track, Moment of Sobriety (5:30) managed to be even scarier, because of how real it gets then (if that makes sense. The whole album is painfully real, and it reminds you of this regularly).

Crying as a Weapon (8th track, 5:20) is where I had to take a break. I think it might be one of the most relatable songs for many people who were abused, not just sexually.

Death of an Illusion (9th track, 10:23) is the other very long track of this album and it is, unsurprisingly, incredible, and one of my absolute favorites. It's also one I could relate to a lot, and its progression is very satisfying. It Never Leaves (9:09) is similar to Death of an Illusion, its continuity, and its ending made me incredibly happy.

The last one, To Love Again (4:49), is the song I enjoyed the less, musically speaking, but one of my favorites nevertheless, and a perfect ending for the album in my opinion. It also has a shift in the... well, not the narration, but I guess the message, somewhat (trying not to spoil because it's so incredible to realize to me), which entirely convinced me this is actually my favorite album of all time construction-wise.

In conclusion, Oh My Fucking God this is so incredible.

Feldup is a great person who writes incredible texts and makes excellent music. The constructions of his songs and the way his story is told throughout eleven tracks is beautiful and heartbreaking and hopeful, and it genuinely is currently changing my brain chemistry /hj. It is so good. It's on Spotify and Bandcamp for sure, and I think it's on most other streaming services, and you still have the Youtube video I linked at the top. Please give it a try.

I'll quickly give my favorite songs from his other album, A Thousand Doors, Just One Key, but they're all really good too : Falling Apart (2nd track, 4:08) which is his most known song as far as I'm aware and is a fucking banger from the first notes, Mental Health (6th, 4:25), Attention (3rd, 3:54), and Stockholm (10th, 11:21), which holds one of my favorite lyrics ever (There is no cure/I am the disease).

Anyways, have a good day or night, stream Feldup's music.

#feldup #stared at from a distance #a thousand doors just one key #falling apart #music #music recs #alternative rock #indie rock #indie music #french artist #french musician #france #queer artist #Youtube

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wetsnifflesneeze · 1 year ago

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some obs from in the wild

hey everyone <3 so i was on a flight last night, it was long and i took 2 nytol because a bitch does not have time to be jet lagged, so i slept for a few hours but for the times while i was awake i heard a girl sneeze like maybe 20 times! i swear that’s not an exaggeration.. like who knows how many other times she sneezed while i was sleeping. it sounded like she was sitting a few rows behind me like 5 rows maybe but I’m not sure and i have no idea how she looks but the sneezes were CUTE, they sounded like soft and wet, the main sound was T.. so they were like TTTTCHU TTtttchu something like that. She had these sneezing fits like one sneeze (or sometimes 2) every 15-30 seconds. Sometimes they were a little louder and more vocal and those sounded a bit less wet. to me she sounded cute 🥰 idk if was she sick or just sensitive to something but yeah very sneezy

#snz #snz kink #snzfucker #snez

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lindsaywesker · 11 months ago

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Good morning! I hope you slept well and feel rested? Currently sitting in my study, attired only in my blue towelling robe, enjoying my first cuppa of the day. Merry Christmas though, for those of you working in the NHS or the emergency services, welcome to just another day.

If you want an alternative to Christmas cracker jokes … welcome to Too Much Information Tuesday … on a Monday! Warning: one of these facts is not true! Can you guess which one?

Agreeable people are more likely to use emojis.

In Switzerland, you can be denied citizenship for being too annoying.

Farting helps reduce high blood pressure and is good for your health.

Dog owners have a lower risk of dementia. Cat ownership has no effect.

For a million years, the human population of the Earth was less than 26,000.

4.8 billion people own mobile phones whereas only 4.2 billion own a toothbrush.

Giraffes are about 30 times more likely to die from a lightning strike than humans.

Toothpaste removes ink from your clothes. Apply it to the stain, let it dry and then wash.

Synesthesia is a neurological condition that can cause a person to see, smell and taste music.

Goats produce more milk if they're listening to Mariah Carey's 'All I Want For Christmas Is You'.

Anger triggers the region of the brain associated with honesty, which is when the truth comes out.

In 2013, a British inventor sold ice cream that glowed when you licked it. It cost £140 a scoop.

Until the founding of the Vegetarian Society in 1847, vegetarians were usually known as Pythagoreans.

In 2009, a 13-year old Chinese girl tried to commit suicide so that she could donate her liver to her dying father.

Diana Ross, who sang ‘Ain't No Mountain High Enough’, lost her ex-husband to a mountain climbing accident.

Astronauts lost track of a tomato inside the International Space Station for eight months but found it this month.

Researchers have found that the average person will form about 400 friendships during a lifetime, but only 33 will last.

Will Smith is the only actor to have eight consecutive films gross more than $100 million at the domestic box office.

Intelligent people tend to care less about the opinions of others, they also enjoy being alone because of great sense of self.

In 1984, New Zealand's Prime Minister Robert Muldoon got drunk and spontaneously called for a general election. He lost.

The earliest carol singers can be found on The Bayeux Tapestry and were soldiers from western France known as the Brittany Spears.

As time goes by, humans are becoming less and less empathetic. Today, we care about others 40% less than people in the 1980s did.

In Japan, you can hire a handsome man to show up at your office and watch sad videos with you until you cry, then wipe your tears for you.

People tend to sneeze three times because one loosens up an irritant, the second gets it to the front of the nose and the third gets it out.

Brazilian footballer Argélico Fuchs spent much of his life spelling his name ‘Argélico Fucks’, resulting in headlines such as "Fucks off to Benfica."

Drinking white or green tea every day will minimize the environmental damage done to your skin and minimize fine lines and wrinkles.

There are roughly seven people in the world who look exactly like you and there is a nine per cent chance you will run into one of them in your lifetime.

‘Baby Shark Dance’, the most viewed YouTube video of all time, has over 5 billion more views than Luis Fonsi’s ‘Despacito’, the second-most viewed YouTube video of all time.

In 2001, India began building plastic roads using recycled plastic waste. The roads haven't developed any cracks or potholes despite years of usage and are much cheaper to build than traditional road surfaces.

Triboulet was a notorious court jester who was allowed to choose his own death after having insulted the queen of France. He chose to die of old age, which made the king laugh so much, he was spared and banished instead.

During The Great Depression, Al Capone started one of the first soup kitchens called Free Soup Coffee & Doughnuts For The Unemployed. Capone’s soup kitchen served breakfast, lunch and dinner to an average of 2200 Chicago residents every day.

‘Loving Day’ is an annual national celebration held on June 12th, the anniversary of the 1967 United States Supreme Court decision Loving v. Virginia, the day that Richard and Mildred Loving finally won their case, legalizing interracial marriage in the U.S.

On the day of South Korea's university entrance exams, the entire country goes quiet. Shops close, construction stops, and planes are grounded so that students can focus on their exams. Students that are late can even get a police escort to make sure they make it in time.

Bill Haast began extracting snake venom aged 15. He founded the Miami Serpentarium and injected himself with venom more than 60 times. His blood was used to save 21 snakebite victims. He created a venom serum to cure polio. He was bitten over 170 times and lived to be 100.

Ozzy Osbourne gave up taking acid during the recording of Black Sabbath's ‘Volume 4’. He said, “I took 10 tabs of acid, then went for a walk in a field. I ended up standing there talking to this horse for about an hour. In the end, the horse turned round and told me to fuck off. That was it for me.”

Okay, that’s enough information for one day. Merry Christmas and have a mouthwatering Monday! I love you all.

#mixcloud #mi soul #dj #music #new blog #lockdown #coronavirus #books #weekend #democracy

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theblogtini · 2 years ago

Note

Hi, if it doesnt make you uncomfortable could you explain a bit about how c-sections work? Because I absolutely want children and would love to be pregnant, but giving birth the normal way terrify me.

Oh!! So I was terrified to give birth - literally terrified. I decided (with the full support of my OB and my psychiatrist lol) that a scheduled C-section was the way to go because it took a lot of the unknowns out of it. I didn’t have to worry about when it would happen, would it hurt, how long it would last, etc.

My story is a little different bc I was ill before I had my kids so I was hospitalized for about a week before both were born. My c-sections were scheduled for 39 weeks but I had them at 37+1 for my oldest and 36 for my youngest.

With my oldest my C-section was still “scheduled,” just moved up a couple weeks bc I was already in hospital.

About an hour before they came in & gave me a drink to settle my stomach. I hadn’t eaten since the night before. Then they had me change into my gown & wheeled me down to the OR. My husband also changed into scrubs. While he was changing they got me on the table & then did the spinal anesthetic. They have you curve your back put some topical numbing stuff on it (lidocaine) & tell you to be really really still for 30 seconds. It’s a little scary bc you’re like “omg what if I suddenly sneeze and hiccup and cough all at the same time and I move?!” They give you the spinal anesthetic and it’s over really fast.

Then they lie you down and hubs/your partner comes in. Once you’re numb (apparently they’re poking you with a lot of stuff to see if you say ow 🤣) they start. Within literally 5 min you have a baby! They weigh them & then hand them to your partner who will hand them to you, help you snuggle. Then after a few min they send baby and partner out of the room while they finish sewing you up.

All told within about 45-60 min, start to finish, you’re in recovery with your baby.

So quick. So controlled.

Then a few hours later your epidural wears off & they have you stand. If you can walk they’ll take your catheter out. If you can’t walk well, they wait until you can bc… they don’t want you peeing everywhere lol.

And then you’re off to the races!

For my 2nd it was the same process EXCEPT bc it was an emergency i had to drink the little magic drink on the way to the OR, not an hour before.

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laredo18 · 5 months ago

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Writing For New Media: Subject Reflection

In this second semester of our Writing for New Media subject, it was my first time to take this writing for new media subject, especially since we are BMMA students. It focuses on writing that content for the technology platforms that are very popular right now, like social media platforms in terms of writing. During prelim, we discussed different topics, like the history of new media platforms and new media writing.

Prelim

Blog content

It was my first time to make this kind of activity which writing my own blog about issues. It was very helpful for me in writing this blog that readers may understand and learn on what's happening. I had a hard time thinking of the kind of information that I chose for the topic which is out of school youth

Press release

Pertussis bacteria causes whooping cough, a respiratory ailment. It primarily affects babies under 6 months old who have not yet received all of their vaccines, as well as those aged 11 to 18 whose immunity has begun to wane.

Whooping (HOO-ping) cough causes strong coughing fits that might occasionally result in a "whooping" sound when the youngster breaths in.

Though they can arise up to three weeks after infection, symptoms often start to show up five to ten days later. The first two weeks of symptoms are the most contagious for those who are infected. An individual will have symptoms similar to a typical cold, such as fever, runny nose and mild cough, during the first one to two weeks of the illness. Apnea, or breathing pauses, is common in babies.

As of March 23, 2024, the Department of Health (DOH) data has showed 862 confirmed pertussis cases since the beginning of the year. This represents a 30-fold increase compared to the same period last year. Children under 5 years old are particularly vulnerable, accounting for 79% of pertussis cases. Among these children, 66% were either unvaccinated or lacked vaccination records. Adults aged 20 and older make up only 4% of cases. Tragically, 49 deaths have been recorded, emphasizing the severity of the disease.

The following Philippine regions report the highest number of cases:

MiMaRoPa: 187 cases

National Capital Region (NCR): 158 cases

Central Luzon: 132 cases

Central Visayas: 121 cases

Western Visayas: 72 cases

Antibiotics, also known as postexposure antimicrobial prophylaxis (PEP), are medicines given to someone that has been exposed to a harmful bacteria in order to help prevent them from getting sick.

Practicing good hygiene to prevent the spread of the bacteria that cause whooping cough and other respiratory illnesses. Cover your cough or sneeze and wash your hands firmly and often.

We are doing our very best in stop the rising of cases around our beloved country. we deeply sadden to those who are infected with the whooping cough The best prevention is to stay indoors and quarantine themselves until the Pertussis Bacteria within the patient is gone.

In that press release, I also learned how to write the information statement based on the topic that was given. Based on my experience, me and my group mates helped each other to put some statement, I researched those parts on the internet for the idea. Press release helped me to become aware of the situation and pay attention to the audience.

Midterm

Travel Vlog

WNM VLOG

INTRO VLOG:

Visuals: Sunrise, Drone Shots (old heritage), Food, Tourist Spots

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VO: Kilala ang Sariaya sa mga magaganda netong tourist destinations gaya ng Mt. Banahaw, Grand Ancestral Houses, Museums, Heirlooms and Antiques. All that and more! Halika at samahan natin si Alia at Ashley sa kanilang- Sariaya Adventures!

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INTRO

Alia: Hi guys, I’m Alia

Ashley: and I’m Ashley

Alia: Samahan niyo kaming puntahan at subukan ang mga ipinagmamalaking lugar at pagkain ng Sariaya, pati na rin ang kasaysayan ng mga ito!

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St Francis of Assisi Parish Church and Diocesan Shrine of Santo Cristo de Burgos (Diocese of Lucena)

Alia: And ayan guys andito tayo nagmumula sa kinikilalang puso ng Sariaya, St Francis of Assisi Parish Church!

Ashley: Itong simbahang ito ay isang Roman Catholic church sa Sariaya. Base sa Historical marker ng St. Francis of Assisi Church, the first structure was constructed in 1599.

Alia: Madaming pinagdaan itong simbahan na ito dahil sa natural na kalamidad, bale apat na beses itong inilipatlipat at nirebuild. From 1605, 1641, 1703, at 1743. Grabe noh?

Ashley: Etong church na nakikita niyo ngayon ay ginawa noong 1748 sa ilalim ni Fr. Martin de Talavera and Fr. Joaquin Alapont. Dalwang Spanish friars.

Alia: Tara guys explore natin yung loob!

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Sariaya Municipal Hall

Alia: Itong nasa likod namin ngayon ay isang historical land mark na dedicated kay Dr. Jose Rizal.

Ashley: The monument also known as Glorita was unveiled on December 30, 1924.

Alia: Very distinct intong statue natin dito sa Sariaya compared sa mga Rizal statues na makikita natin sa iba. Dito sa Sariyaya may iba’t iba pang figures na napapaligid ito involving mother and child.

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Sariaya Bread House

Alia: Alam niyo ba sa sariaya nagmula ang pinagong!?!

Ashley: Pinagong gets its name from the word pagong, which means turtle in Tagalog. As you can see dito sa upper part para syang shell ng pagong.

Alia: Saan pa ba kayo bibili ng pinagong kundi dito sa Sariaya Bread House! Operating since 1982, Sariaya Bread House ay kalapit lang ng Natalio Enriquez historical mansion at Saint Francis church and the Municipal Town Hall of Sariaya.

Ashley: Kilala sila dahil sa pinagong na bagay na bagay sa kape.

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Gala Rodriguez Heritage House (open from 8am-5pm)

Ashley: Welcome to- the Gala Rodriguez Heritage House! The Mansion was designed in 1935 during the Art Deco era by architectural genius Juan Nakpil.

Alia: The mansion is decorated throughout with the most exquisite tapestries. The Terrace and Veranda are highlighted with glass made of the most vibrant colors.

Ashley: Ang pinakang exciting na feature dito ay yung trap door. Sabi nila itong trapdoor na ito ay nag lelead papunta sa basement.

Alia: Ginagamit ito ni Carmen, anak na babae nung unang nagmamay ari ng bahay sina Dr. Rodriguez at Doña Gregoria upang makaiwas dun aa japanese soldier na nanliligaw sa kaniya.

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SUMMARY / CONCLUSION VLOG:

VO: Sariaya is full of rich Filipino history. There's a story to be told with every corner and every delicacy we come across. We've reached the end of our journey but hopefully there's more discovery to come.

I realized that Travel Vlog was also part of our topic in writing new media because it was part of our topic in audience analysis. In which I learned how to engage and gain audience by posting contents in social media platforms. Based on my experience in making our travel vlog by group, it was hard for us to think of a place to explore.

youtube

Pre Finals

Written Report

Based on my experience in doing our written report, me and my group mates helped each other to write those reports about consuming in using social media at the ages 18-25 years old, since our topic in pre final is all about audience analysis. I also learned to write that kind of written report based on the research about consuming in using social media.

Social Media Platform Usage and Preferences

Introduction

As part of this research in this survey, the researchers identified social media users' experiences and behavior by providing insightful questions that ask audiences of their preferences of online platforms for analysis. The group observed online user's social media consumption by asking their preference and experiences using online media platforms. The given data shows that there was a higher rate of male respondents aged 18-25 answered that they use social media platforms. The researcher's analysis will thus be focusing on males 18-25 social media usage and preferences and determine how demographics use and navigate social media and to scope a general understanding of what men do on the internet, its effects, and how they feel about sharing details of themselves through the given survey questions regarding their use of social media.

By carrying out this study, the researchers hope to clarify how males use the internet and look at the effects and consequences it has on their life. This study aims to provide important insights on men's attitudes regarding sharing personal information online by using well constructed survey questions. These insights will be useful in understanding men's behaviors and experiences in the social media space. The ultimate goal of this research is to advance knowledge about men's use of digital technology and how it affects society in general.

Data Table

Number of Male respondents at the age of 18-25 Yrs.

Social Status

Upper class

Middle class

Lower class

Marital Status

Single

Live-in

Married

n/a

Divorced

n/a

Annulled

n/a

Educational Status

Non-Graduate

Elementary Graduate

n/a

Highschool Graduate

College Graduate

Ethnicity

Filipino

Chinese-Filipino

n/a

Tagalog

Japanese

n/a

Nationality

Filipino

How many hours do you consume using social media?

30 mins lower

1-3 hours

8 hours

12-17 hours

24 hours

n/a

Do you feel lonely despite using social media?

Yes

Not Really

Sometimes

Rarely

n/a

Never

Does social media actually help you socialize

Yes

Not Really

Sometimes

Rarely

Never

Does social media impact you negatively?

Yes

Not Really

Sometimes

Rarely

Never

Do you lose hours of sleep due to social media?

Yes

Not Really

Sometimes

Rarely

Never

What social media platform gives you the most value in terms of entertainment

Facebook

Messenger

TikTok

n/a

Twitch

n/a

Discord

Instagram

Twitter/X

YouTube

n/a

Snapshot

n/a

Threads

n/a

What type of content piques your interest?

Gaming

Streaming

n/a

Cooking Videos

Art Related Content

Music Related Content

DIY/Tutorial Videos

n/a

Memes

Lifestyle/Vlog Content

Educational Videos

Talk show Interviews

n/a

Which one are you more inclined to do?

Social Media Interactions

Real-Life social interactions

None of the above

In your personal opinion which one holds more value to you?

Social Media interactions

Real-Life Interactions

None of the above

Where are you more active?

Social media/Internet Interactions (with friends, family, loved ones etc.)

Real-Life social interactions (with friends, family, loved ones etc.)

None of the above

n/a

What social media platforms do you always use?

Facebook

Messenger

TikTok

n/a

Twitch

n/a

Discord

Instagram

Twitter/X

n/a

YouTube

n/a

Snapshot

n/a

Threads

n/a

None

n/a

Are your online interactions more appealing than real-life interactions?

Yes

Not really

Sometimes

Rarely

Have you ever had a dangerous online interaction with another person before?

Yes

What do you often do on your preferred social media platforms?

Interact with people

Reshare posts

Casual scrolling

Lurk/Ghost

Create Content (any kind)

Marketing

n/a

None

n/a

Do people engage with the content you make?

Yes

Sometimes

Maybe

Never

Do you prefer making content or consuming content?

I prefer making content

I prefer consuming content

None of the above

n/a

What type of Media do you consume?

Gaming

Streaming

Cooking videos

Art related content

Music related content

DIY/Tutorial Videos

n/a

Memes

Lifestyle/vlog content

Educational videos

n/a

Talk show interviews

n/a

None

n/a

Do you make content?

Yes

Sometimes. Casually

What type of social media content do you make?

Marketing

n/a

Gaming

Streaming

n/a

Cooking videos

n/a

Art related content

Music related content

DIY/Tutorial videos

n/a

Memes

Lifestyle/vlog content

Educational videos

n/a

Talk show interviews

n/a

None of the above

Do you consider yourself as a social media influencer?

Yes

n/a

Somewhat

Highlighted Data

We asked the respondents to indicate their gender. The findings show that half of the respondents were male (50%) while 46% were female. We also asked the respondents to indicate their age. The findings show that 92% of the respondents were ages 18-25. With that, we decided to focus on our male respondents ages 18-25.

1.0 How many hours do you consume using social media?

Out of 24 Male respondents ages 18-25, 4 discussed that they are using social media for 30 minutes lower, 7 for 1-3 hours, 9 for 8 hours, and lastly, 4 for 12-17 hours. The findings show that the majority of the male respondents use social media for 8 hours.

2.0 What social media platform gives you the most value in terms of entertainment

Out of 24 Male respondents ages 18-25, 5 discussed that they are using Facebook, 2 for Messenger, 7 for TikTok, 1 for Discord, 3 for Instagram, 1 for Twitter/X, and lastly, 5 for YouTube. The findings show that the majority of the male respondents use TikTok for entertainment purposes.

3.0 What type of content piques your interest?

Out of 24 Male respondents ages 18-25, 9 discussed that they are interested in Gaming Contents, 1 for Cooking Videos, 6 for Art Related Content, 1 for Music Related Content, 4 for Memes, 2 for Lifestyle/Vlog Content, and lastly, 1 for Educational Videos. The findings show that the majority of the male respondents are interested in Gaming Contents.

4.0 Where are you more active?

Out of 24 Male respondents ages 18-25, 18 discussed that they are more active on social media/Internet Interactions and 6 are active on Real-Life Social Interactions. The findings show that the majority of the male respondents are more active on social media/Internet Interactions.

5.0 What social media platforms do you always use?

Out of 24 Male respondents ages 18-25, 12 discussed that they are using Facebook, 2 for Messenger, 1 for TikTok, 3 for Discord, 2 for Instagram, and lastly, 4 for YouTube. The findings show that many of the male respondents are using Facebook.

6.0 What do you often do on your preferred social media platforms?

Out of 24 Male respondents ages 18-25, 5 discussed that they interact with people, 3 for resharing posts, 10 for casual scrolling, 2 for lurking/ghosting, and lastly, 5 for creating content. The findings show that many of the male respondents are doing casual scrolling on their preferred social media platforms.

7.0 Do you prefer making content or consuming content?

Out of 24 Male respondents ages 18-25, 13 discussed that they prefer making content and 11 prefers consuming content. The findings show that the majority of the male respondents prefers making content.

8.0 What type of Media do you consume?

Out of 24 Male respondents ages 18-25, 6 discussed that they consume Gaming, 1 for Streaming, 1 for Cooking Videos, 7 for Art Related Content, 2 for Music Related Content, 5 for Memes, and lastly, 2 for Lifestyle/Vlog Content. The findings show that the majority of the male respondents consume Art Related Contents.

9.0 Do you make content?

Out of 24 Male respondents ages 18-25, 9 discussed that they make content,10 for Sometimes/Casually, and lastly, 5 don’t make content at all. The findings show that the majority of the male respondents only make content casually.

10.0 What type of social media content do you make?

Out of 24 Male respondents ages 18-25, 6 discussed that they make Gaming Contents, 8 for Art Related Contents, 1 for Music Related Contents, 2 for Memes, 2 for Lifestyle/Vlog Contents, and lastly, 5 don’t make contents at all. The findings show that the majority of the male respondents make Art Related Contents.

Analysis

The information we acquired mostly focused on the social media preferences and usage of male respondents between the ages of 18 and 25. According to the survey, males find social media to be amusing and spend eight hours on it, which leads to men engaging in social media interactions. The responders who are male use Facebook more frequently and only browse casually. Tiktok is their preferred app for entertainment and gaming content browsing, aside from Facebook. According to the data collected, men prefer to create content in a more casual way, but they also consume and create art-related content.

The study found that men tend to consume and share news content, participate in online communities related to their interests, and engage in online gaming and entertainment activities (Smith & Duggan, 2013). Watching news and engaging in online communities such as gaming and entertainment benefits men to be socially aware and be connected among others that shares same interest.

A study also reveals the advantages and negative effects of internet gaming on men's mental health. Online gaming helped some men feel more connected to others and relieved stress, Social media interactions and gaming among others entertain males as it give them a satisfactory feeling. But it can also increase the risk of addiction and isolation in certain situations. For this reason, it's important to practice balance and attentive gaming practices (Wang et al. 2018)

Conclusion

The study delved into the social media habits and preferences of male respondents aged 18 to 25, shedding light on their consumption patterns, content preferences, and engagement behaviors. Through a detailed analysis of the collected data, several key findings emerged. Firstly, it was observed that social media holds significant allure for young men, with the majority spending a considerable eight hours per day on various platforms. This extensive usage underscores the integral role that social media plays in their daily lives, serving as a primary avenue for entertainment, connection, and information dissemination.

Secondly, Facebook emerged as the most frequented platform among male respondents, followed closely by TikTok, which was identified as their preferred choice for entertainment content, particularly gaming-related material. This preference reflects the evolving landscape of social media platforms and highlights the dynamic nature of user preferences within this demographic. Moreover, the data revealed a notable inclination towards content creation among male respondents, with a majority expressing a preference for generating their own material. This creative engagement primarily centered around art-related content, indicating a keen interest in self-expression and artistic pursuits within this cohort. However, while social media and online gaming were found to provide avenues for stress relief and social connection, it is imperative to acknowledge the potential risks associated with excessive usage. Research has shown that prolonged engagement with digital media can lead to addiction and social isolation, highlighting the importance of promoting balanced and mindful consumption habits among young men.

In conclusion, the findings of this study offer valuable insights into the social media behaviors and preferences of male individuals aged 18 to 25. By understanding these dynamics, policymakers, educators, and mental health professionals can devise targeted interventions aimed at promoting responsible usage and harnessing the positive aspects of social media while mitigating potential harms.

Podcast

BMMA 221 GROUP 1 WRITING FOR NEW MEDIA

PODCAST SCRIPT: NICOLOGIC

EPISODE TITLE: THE AI ART REVOLUTION AND FILIPINO ARTISTS' REACTIONS

MEMBERS:

Mendoza (Main host/Script Writer)

Pavon (Commercial VO)

Inojosa (Editor/Audio Specialist)

Burilla (Co-host)

Laredo (Co-host)

Pidlaoan (Co-host)

INTRO MUSIC PLAYS

LANA: (cheerful) Welcome back to another episode of Nicologic, where we dive into the fascinating world of art and technology! I'm Lana, your main host for today. Joining me are our amazing co-hosts, Alia, Ashley, and Pidlaoan. Kamusta kayo guys?

ALIA: (excited) Hey Lana! Doing great, excited to get into today’s topic.

ASHLEY: (enthusiastic) Saaaame! This is going to be a good one.

PIDLAOAN: (calm) Looking forward to it. It’s a topic close to my heart.

LANA: Awesome! Today, we are exploring a hot topic that's been buzzing in the art community: the intersection of AI and art, and specifically, how Filipino artists are reacting to this change. Let's kick things off with some background. The tool that we’re talking about is Nightshade, developed by researchers at the University of Chicago. This tool helps artists "poison" AI models trained on their illustrations without consent.[1] [2] Here's what I found, according to DataScientest: "This innovative tool aims to safeguard the intellectual property of creators by altering the pixels of images to prevent their misuse by generative artificial intelligence. Where does Nightshade come from? The Nightshade tool is a major innovation from the University of Chicago, specifically developed to counter the challenges posed by generative AI to artistic intellectual property. Faced with the rise of artificial intelligence driven by datasets containing derivative works without consent, Nightshade offers a unique solution. By discreetly altering the pixels of images, it renders their use by generative AIs ineffective. Worse still, the images damage the AI’s recognition algorithm. This enables artists to preserve the integrity of their works and combat unauthorised duplication, ensuring that their intellectual property remains protected in the digital world where duplication is easy and widespread.”

It’s been downloaded over 250,000 times in just five days after its release on January 18. It’s meant to make images appear different to AI, causing any generated art to be flawed.

ASHLEY: (impressed) Wow, that’s some serious demand! It really shows how concerned artists are about their work being used without permission.

PIDLAOAN: Yeah, it’s pretty significant. And apparently the team is working on combining Nightshade with another tool called Glaze, which helps AI misidentify an artist’s style. It’s a way for artists to protect their creative output in this rapidly evolving digital landscape.

LANA: It's fascinating to see such a proactive approach to this issue. Now, let's get into the heart of the matter—how are Filipino artists reacting to AI-generated art? Well, according to a Rappler article, Filipino artists have mixed feelings about AI art. Creative director Emil Mercado shared his concerns about AI's efficiency potentially harming the industry, which is already undervalued and problematic. He highlighted that AI could replace human artists, who already struggle with undervaluation, uncredited work, and delayed payments.

ALIA: That’s such a valid point. The creative industry is tough enough without having to compete with machines. The worry is that clients might prefer AI for its speed and cost-efficiency, potentially leading to job losses for artists.

PIDLAOAN: (thoughtful) Exactly. And it’s not just about losing jobs. It’s about the devaluation of artistic effort and the unique touch that human artists bring to their work. AI might be efficient, but can it really capture the essence of human creativity?

LANA: Great points, everyone. Now, let’s analyze our audience’s reactions and participation in this conversation. Alia, what have we seen online?

ALIA: There’s been a lot of engagement on social media. Artists worldwide are talking about how tools like Nightshade and Glaze can help them protect their work. Many are also sharing their concerns about AI. It’s a global conversation, but there’s a strong voice from the Filipino art community expressing their anxiety and resistance.[3] [4] Here let me read you guys some comments from Twitter/X:

SARDINE

@kjr0313

bc of AI paintings some of my students cried and gave up their dreams in front of me and i saw my friends/ colleagues get fired in real time. this is just my hobby space but i can't just sit by and watch anyone using AI paintings for fun🙃 i hate AI thieves.

Iris •_ㅁ

@cottoncloud0522

Use of AI is creepy and disgusting and just soulless and empty. Please support real human fan artists and don’t give clout to these posts. Please.

Scragglebird

@scragglebird

May 12

I'm so tired of AI technology being created to take creative jobs away from people like me. It's difficult enough to find work. Support human artists.

Sara

@allkindsofwx63

May 3

Support real human artists. AI "art" isn't real art. I'm so glad there are so many talented F1 fans who make various drawings/edits and share them. AI has nothing on them

Jon Lam #CreateDontScrape

@JonLamArt

Sep 12, 2023

ARTISTS, Twitter (X) IS going to use all our data to train their AI. Either GLAZE all of your work or stop posting here. I know we all love to post high res art here, but those days are over. You will be exploited, and your work WILL be used against you.

Noko TEAM BUCKET LIST ☢️☢️

@SmolAltNoko

May 18

Every post I've seen from this person is a trash take (and then they play victim when people disagree with their take) 😭

Normalizing AI art is, indeed, a problem, and it's good when artists rebel against an ACTUAL threat to their livelihood

Sam Hyde

@wigger

URGENT AI SAFETY WARNING

So apparently people can use the new AI video tools to generate custom hate speech. The example here is a video of me saying some truly deplorable stuff (that I never in fact recorded myself)

This is a huge problem for all the current top AI companies that as far as I can tell is not being addressed in any capacity by anyone.

@sama @OpenAI @elonmusk @ESYudkowsky @jordanbpeterson @jason @DavidSacks

Gentlemen... Do we have ANY suggestions for how to mitigate this, or are we just going to continue along until it bites us in the ass? Serious question.

PIDLAOAN: (agreeing) See? It's not just professional artists. Hobbyists, freelance designers, people who generally consume art are also chiming in, worried about the future of the art industry. They’re discussing how these tools can level the playing field, at least for now.

ASHLEY: (adding) Some artists are even suggesting more radical steps, like “poisoning” all their online content, including everyday photos. It’s a form of protest against the unauthorized use of their work.

LANA: That’s really interesting. So, feedback is not just passive; it’s leading to actionable steps. Let’s dive deeper into this with some specific feedback analysis. One common theme I noticed is the call for better legal protections. Many artists feel that current copyright laws aren’t keeping up with technological advances. They’re advocating for stricter regulations to prevent AI from scraping their work without permission.[5] [6] Here’s some background before I tackle this post I read from Deviantart. Artist Nekojira did not consent to their art being used for a particular AI model, this is what artist Nautissia from Deviantart had to say: “This artist by the handle Nekojira had their original artwork taken from them and forcefully, without permission, uploaded into an AI art generator as a model for further AI prompts to train and use from. This is not okay. This is intellectual property theft. This is copyright infringement. It's f*cking disrespectful and sleazy. This singular entire instance is why no traditional or digital artist will respect an AI artist on this platform and off of it.

You people continue to call us names, say that the hatred is unjustified, and the only things that you have to show for it is this bullshit. And yet, you've done nothing wrong. We're supposed to unceremoniously forgive you. To understand you. To respect you.

Respect is earned. It is not given. It is not a commodity that you think you are owed and until this kind of sh*t stops?

F*ck you. That's the respect that you are deserved to be owed.”

貓鯨

@Nekojira

I didn't allow this please stop using it, I feel so painful just by watching this happen, please, stop.

ASHLEY: And on the flip side, some are worried that these defensive tools might backfire. If too many artists use them, AI models could evolve to bypass these protections, leading to a constant game of cat and mouse.

PIDLAOAN: Another point is the ethical aspect. Some artists believe that even using these tools feels like compromising their integrity. They argue for more fundamental changes, like shifting how society values and compensates creative work.[7] [8] According to Rappler’s interview with Filipino artist, Andoy Edoria, “ “If it was the client who provided the artist with a description of an image, does that mean it’s the client who made the artwork?” he asked.

Edoria also fears that the new technology will lead to a new class of less creative work – “prompt artists, prompt engineers…prompters” – and that artists may end up working as prompters instead to stay employed.”

LANA: That’s a profound insight. It’s clear that this issue is multi-faceted and deeply rooted in broader societal values. Now, let’s shift gears to our research segment. Pidlaoan, can you break down some of the research findings for us?

PIDLAOAN: Sure! According to The Eagle, AI-generated art relies heavily on large datasets of existing artworks, often scraped from the internet without consent. Studies indicate that while AI can mimic styles, it struggles with originality and emotional depth. Tools like Nightshade and Glaze are effective in the short term but may need continuous updates to stay ahead of AI developments.

ALIA: And looking at the economic impact, studies predict that while AI could lower costs and increase accessibility to art, it could also widen the gap between well-established artists and emerging ones. The latter are more vulnerable to having their work exploited without proper recognition.

PIDLAOAN: The ethical implications are also significant. There’s ongoing debate about the moral rights of artists and whether AI can ever truly create 'art' in the human sense. Many argue that creativity is inherently human and can’t be fully replicated by machines.

LANA: Fascinating. I couldn't have said it better myself, Pidlaoan! Speaking of ethical implications, let's take a quick break and hear from our sponsors.

[CREATIVE INFOMERCIAL - "ARTGUARD: PROTECT YOUR MASTERPIECES WITH EASE"]

[INFOMERCIAL MUSIC FADES IN]

NARRATOR (PAVON): Are you tired of digital thieves stealing your art? Introducing ArtGuard - the ultimate protection for your masterpieces! With ArtGuard, you can rest easy knowing your creations are safe from AI copycats. Simply apply ArtGuard to your images, and watch as it repels those pesky algorithms. Don't let your art fall into the wrong hands. Get ArtGuard today! ARTGUARD: PROTECT YOUR MASTERPIECES WITH EASE

[INFOMERCIAL[9] [10] MUSIC FADES OUT]

[SOUND OF MIC FEEDBACK]

LANA: And we're back! Thanks to our sponsors for their support. This brings us to our final segment—! In your opinion what can artists do to navigate this changing landscape? Let’s offer some practical advice. Alia, what do you suggest?

ALIA: Firstly, I recommend that artists stay informed about the latest tools like Nightshade and Glaze to protect their work. They should also consider watermarking their digital content and keeping high-resolution versions offline.

ASHLEY: (adding) Networking is crucial. Join artist communities where you can share experiences and strategies. Collective action can also amplify your voice when advocating for better legal protections.

LANA: Excellent tips. Before we wrap up, any final thoughts?

PIDLAOAN: Just that this is an ongoing conversation. The landscape is constantly changing, and artists need to stay proactive.

ASHLEY: Agreed. Let’s keep discussing and supporting each other through these changes.

PIDLAOAN: And remember, art is fundamentally about human expression. That’s something AI can never fully replicate.

LANA: Perfectly said[11] and as for my take, people in general should be more aware about AI and its processes for generating work and just how easily it has gotten out of hand, I mean just look at it now people left and right are losing it over their intellectual property being stolen, hell people use AI to generate fake videos of hate speech with the figure’s likeness hopefully lawmakers do something about this as this is a new class of danger despite its innovation.

Anyway, that’s all the time we have for today. Thanks for tuning in to Nicologic. Stay creative and keep pushing those boundaries!

OUTRO MUSIC PLAYS

LANA: (voiceover) This episode of Nicologic was brought to you by Cara, the social and portfolio application for artists. Integrate with Nightshade and protect your art today! Sign up for the open beta at cara.art.

OUTRO MUSIC FADES OUTEND OF SCRIPT

If there’s a proof, you can state that the reason why Nightshade is developed because of the protest of the artists that their work is being stolen by AI.

done

Do not just state that a lot are engaging. You can read their comments in your podcast.

Done

Read a specific comment of the artist saying this.

Done

Provide a specific comment by the artists

Done

You should’ve written the infomercial that you are going to present.

The infomercial is ArtGuard, a fictional tool similar to NightShade

Add stronger call to action not just to artists but also to the mass audience to be vigilant.

Since we're talking about feedback analysis, podcasts can also be part of feedback because this kind of podcast discuss the impact of audience and feedback to the content. I am very familiar already in this podcast because this is not my first time to experience this. i already experienced podcast when i took the subject of introduction of multimedia arts since 1st sem. me and my groupmates helped each other to think the idea of our topic in podcast since our topic was all about AI Revolution. So i had many learn in writing podcast. i realized that before writing script of the podcast, there are outline or techniques that need to follow. and guide. not just only writing like script to the film. it also have the supporting details need to show in that script for podcast.

In podcast recording, we had our mistake in delivering speech which the emotion while speaking should improve. that's the one i learn to improve more emotion when delivering speech in podcast.

youtube

Reflection Paper

I've learned a lot on this subject writing for new media. Since we are BMMA students, we need to apply this topic to media platforms or even journalism when I make apply to the media industry and even make short films. This is not my first time to take this kind of topic about the media. I have been familiar with this already since senior high school in media and literacy form. But the only difference is the new media which exist right now. The old media were the first platforms before. But I also learned the history of media platforms that was used before until the technology is already exisiting. In this subject, I enjoyed this kind of subject because I have much experienced it already, like doing podcasts, blogs and writing blogs.

#Youtube

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jodilin65 · 33 years ago

Text

THURSDAY, JANUARY 31, 1991 God, I am so tired. I fell asleep at 9:00 and sure enough, I woke up at 1:00 after sleeping 4 hours. I woke up sneezing and blowing my nose. My lungs don’t feel bad and I’d rather wake up to sneeze and blow my nose rather than coughing and wheezing.

Andy came over saying he thinks he may be catching a cold and I hope that doesn’t worsen mine cuz you know how weak my immune system is.

I need to try to quit smoking again soon and also go see Dr. McGovern. I need more Theodur and I guess I’ll also discuss allergy shots. I wish I could do the natural cure by quitting smoking permanently!

Russ called tonight sounding sincere again saying he’d really like to resolve our dispute. I told him once again that if he’s willing to drop it, I’ll drop it and that I surely do not plan to live here forever. I also told him that for the last 3 days, it hasn’t been bad in here cuz it’s been a little warmer outside, but as soon as it gets bitter cold out, it gets cold in here. I reminded him again that I, and the other tenants, wouldn’t complain for no reason and hopefully it sank in this time and he’ll give up on his spite tricks. But as long as he’s gonna push the eviction, I’m gonna push small claims court. If anything, he owes me money that I’ve paid for the heat that was supposed to be included in my rent that I never got.

Boy, is it ever windy out now. It sounds like someone’s screaming.

I really do need to try and go back to sleep, so first I’ll make coffee, smoke a butt, listen to a little music, and then I should be more than ready.

Tomorrow I’ve got to go to Food Fart.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 30, 1991 Andy better hurry up. His show starts at 1:00. If he’s not here, I’ll record it. He’s supposedly coming over with

Later…

I was interrupted before cuz the phone rang and two seconds before Andy’s show came on he walked in. His show wasn’t on anyway cuz of the Gulf War update. He was pissed and I don’t blame him cuz that’s what the news hour is for. They shouldn’t keep interrupting the shows. News belongs on the news.

He’ll be here for 6 hours editing his tapes.

I got a call from Martha and I am going to see her later at 4:00.

Later…

I’m glad I went to therapy after all. I got a lot of shit off my chest. We basically discussed how I view myself and how others view me. I told her how and why I thought I was a quality person who may appear goofy and playful but is mature and good at knowing other people’s characters. We talked about how there are many types of people that I dislike, but I still understand why they’re the way they are.

I also discussed how I get the types that are loud, obnoxious and desperate or the geeky shy types that can’t speak for themselves and aren’t firm enough when they need to be. I told her I need someone more outspoken and loving and understanding, yet as rough and as tough as they need to be.

My sister called. I told her if worse came to worse she could check out apartments for me.

TUESDAY, JANUARY 29, 1991 Yesterday I woke up feeling like shit. I was really congested. I took my asthma pill and some Dimetapp and Brenda gave me some Anthramycin which is an antibiotic. As long as I eat a little before taking it, it doesn’t play with my stomach.

Yesterday I woke up at 7:30am. Today I woke up at 6am. Nice, huh? Now wait till I have to perform this Friday night. But my point is that even though I woke up with a coughing fit after I’d slept 4 hours like I usually do, I woke up later feeling great! The antibiotic really helped with my congestion. I haven’t sneezed yet and haven’t blown my nose 5,000 times.

I’ve had half a cigarette though and I’m gonna do the 2-3 a day thing rather than 5-6 to really lower my nicotine level and try quitting again. Kim offered me 5 bucks a day if I quit. That does make it more encouraging, besides the idea of being able to breathe and sing without clearing my throat or sneezing.

Speaking of my voice, God is it really developing! I’m really getting to be quite a good singer. It gets more and more brilliant and vibrant.

SUNDAY, JANUARY 27, 1991 Russ came over yesterday before noon. He asked me to write down every time it got cold and what the temperature was after putting a thermometer in each room.

He told me he was prepared for the judge to allow me to stay until October but that he hoped it wouldn’t come down to court. There’s nothing solid or valid he could do or say in court, and I told him I would move when I’m ready to move.

Tomorrow, I’m going to call legal aid.

Later…

I was over at Brenda and Bonny’s place and I played them the edits I made early this morning. They’re not bad. I gave Bonny this T-shirt she liked and she gave me a denim mini-skirt. She also gave me little bulletin boards in the shape of the letters L and R. L and R can stand for Linda Ronstadt.

Kim will be here any moment for a sign language lesson.

Lisa, the girl I met at the Pub said she’s home all the time. Well, she must have her ringer off if she did give me the right number cuz I tried 4 times and there’s no answer. She’ll have to call me.

I’m starting to get a little tired. I hope Bill’s not here too long. Also, Andy needs to bring over my videotape along with his so I can record his show.

Later…

I’ve had a great day today. Bonny and I have gotten to be pretty good friends. “It’s better than fighting,” like she said.

Andy and I had a nice visit although the woman he’s renting from is really treating him like shit. He’s moving back in with his parents by Valentine’s Day.

Bill, Andy and I had a nice talk, and I played them my new edition of the edits.

I’m beat cuz I’ve been up since 2am, so I should sleep quite well. I just hope that none of these fucking street animals wake me up.

SATURDAY, JANUARY 26, 1991 Andy and I performed tonight. Neither of us won, but it was fun just the same. The audience and the judges didn’t dislike us, but we both felt we were nothing special and could’ve been better.

It amazes me how many people I know. People came up to me before the show and talked to me that I didn’t even know that knew me from previous shows. This one guy remembered when I signed and said that was “fierce.” I saw tons of people I knew who complimented me after the show and I was also complimented by people I didn’t know. Raven was there along with Emie, Loopie, Candy, Jasmine, Miles, W.C., Scott, Rachel, Dedra and at least 20 or more other people I know.

I met this incredibly feminine girl named Lisa who gave me her number if it’s the right one. I wasn’t too impressed with her hair which was short on top and spiked with a long tail in the back. Her body and her face were beautiful, though. She’s not bi either, she’s just gay.

Last year, though, I would really be into her and meeting others. I used to be so eager. Now my heart’s just not in it like it used to be. There’s still a great part of me saying, “All I want now is to be alone and I’m not even quite ready yet for a one-night stand.”

I saw 3 other girls who were even more gorgeous, and yes, I would do a one-nighter with them right away (one at a time, of course). One was straight, as usual. The other 2 were a couple, also as usual. They were so feminine, though, and each one had such nice long dark hair.

Also, I chatted with the cops.

Later…

I broke down in tears thinking about this shit with Russ and finally said to myself that I was going to put an end to this either the easy way or the hard way. So I called Russ and asked to speak to him. He said sure and sounded very friendly and sincere. I figured he’d more or less have nothing to say to me.

Anyway, I said to him, “How can you be so cruel and vindictive when you never were before? You’ve done me favors such as not having me pay last month’s rent and got me movers. So why are you so eager to see me out on the streets when you know I have nothing, no money, no family and nowhere to go? I have never hurt anyone or anything and I don’t know what you can say in court or if this is a tax-related thing or what. You even said so yourself that it would get cold in here when it got bitter cold outside and you know there have been several other tenants complaining. If you’d stop putting temperature recorders in here that say it’s a temperature it’s not, then I’ll forget about taking legal action if you’re willing to drop this and turn up the heat.”

He sounded friendly, as I said, and said he’d like to stop up and see me sometime before noon. I’ve no idea what he’s planning, but I’ll write about it once I know.

FRIDAY, JANUARY 25, 1991 Shadow’s climbing all over me. I swear this cat is so affectionate and loving. He follows me everywhere. I should’ve named him Glue instead. Earlier I was running around the living room with him. We have several games we play.

I spoke to Andy a little while ago for the second time. I told him I’d record his show for him on one of my tapes.

The reason I’ve been sleeping during the day, which of course is never hard to do, is cuz as I mentioned before, Andy and I are performing at the Pub a noche.

Andy told me another bizarre thing. First, let me back up and mention Angie. I don’t think I did mention her. A while back, not even a month ago, we went to the Pub and I eyed this girl, she seemed prettier than usual and had Andy speak to her for me. When he came back to where I was sitting he said she was a rude bitch. He said she said, “Well, after I dump this asshole I’ll think about it.”

She was with another girl. Angie was totally smashed and the next part of the story will tell you so.

As Andy and I were leaving at closing time, we walked by Angie and her girlfriend and Andy goes, “Now, here’s the better-looking girl,” and she saw me and insisted I come back to the bar. She hadn’t seen what I looked like till then.

Now here’s the sad but typical part. Especially for a bar person and a fairly good-looking one. She screamed out so the whole bar could hear, “Will you lick my pussy?” Then she did the usual trick people do and gave me the wrong phone number.

What’s bizarre is that Andy was cutting through this Laundromat to his mother’s store that I’ve been to before, and it turns out Angie works there. That Laundromat is a dump. I used to go there when I lived on Oswego St.

He said he said her name to be sure and she said, “Yeah, I’m Angie. How’d you know?”

Then Andy told her, “You don’t want to know.” Andy said she had no makeup on and looked tired.

He also said that maybe God sent him to walk through there to find out where she works so I can take it from there.

I definitely don’t want a relationship nowadays with even the right person. I just wanna have fun here and there, but not with just anyone. Right now what’s most important to me and mainly on my mind is having what I’ve never had in my entire 25 years of life. Sex with someone I’m really sexually attracted to and turned on by if only for a night. I’d rather have a few one-nighters here and there even if it’s only 5 a year with someone I’m attracted to, rather than get serious with someone who doesn’t really matter.

Later…

I went through all my journals and I’ve kept journals for 3 years and 3 months now. I went through each one and wrote the entry dates on the covers. I guess that’s gonna be my new thing. I’ve written 360 days of the 3 years and 3 months’ time. On the cover of each book I wrote the month and then each day of that month that I wrote.

I think I’m gonna go lay down. It’s fucking freezing in here! That little fuck of a bastard landlord of mine. Boy, do I ever want to hound the shit out of him!

Later…

The housing people are coming on Monday and I called Mom who was being her usual bitchy self and asked if she’s heard from him, which I doubted, and she hasn’t. This shit Russ is pulling is definitely tax-related as well as to raise the rent when I’m gone. But I’m gonna be here for a while, and if Russ keeps this shit up, it’s gonna cost him more money than a profit.

A few years ago when Nellie and José pulled their crap on me by ripping me off, I brought up charges and was able to drop them over the phone after being paid back by Nellie. Well, I just tried that by calling the courthouse saying I was Jenny and it didn’t work but all is still well cuz I’m not going to court.

I will not give Jenny the satisfaction of showing up for a lousy slew of prank phone calls. Jenny got exactly what she deserved and I know lots of other people have done the same.

I haven’t heard from John R since he got fired from Mercy Hospital.

I tried calling the Laundromat where Angie works and no one’s there now but this retard janitor. Guess they don’t open till 10:00. I’ll try again soon.

THURSDAY, JANUARY 24, 1991 When I finally fell asleep I’d been up for 20 hours. I awoke at 8:30 this morning. I’m surprised I didn’t sleep longer since I couldn’t fall asleep till 4:00 this afternoon.

I called Community Care and left a message for Martha saying I wouldn’t be back. I figure how am I ever going to learn how to suppress my feelings and be independent if I continue therapy? Yes I know I’m already what most people would call mega-independent for a girl my age especially. All except for my source of income. I’m not gonna get into my income except to say yes, I’d much rather earn it by singing and someday I will but for now, I do not feel guilty. The state owes me. They fucked me over. And over. And over.

Although I’ve known all my life that being a famous singer was destined, I also knew it wouldn’t come young. I figured I’d be between the ages of 30-32. I knew it’d be fast once it all started. That may be why it’s not coming till 30-32 rather than now.

Also, I knew that the Gods had lots of learning experiences for me and survival tests lined up for me and boy have I now had 5 lifetimes of that! However, I am grateful to have learned some of the things I’ve learned. What you don’t know can hurt you or severely frustrate you or raise false hopes for you.

I am surprised Andy and Fran haven’t tried calling. Also, there was no message on the machine from Brenda.

Later…

I am going to try to stay up till 9:00 when the Western Mass legal aid office opens. I need to speak to a legal intern who’s got some advice for me. I don’t know if I wrote about it yet, but Russ is being a prick by trying to evict me. I know it’s cuz I’ve been demanding the heat that I pay for in my rent that I haven’t gotten along with several other tenants. This may also be for tax purposes or to get people out so he can raise the rent. My parents and Tammy are pissed at him and Dad referred me to Legal Aid. The little fuck, though, wouldn’t speak to me or Tammy and never called Dad back. He refuses to give me a reason while he told Andy it was cuz I didn’t like the neighborhood so I can move out. I was in the ER at the time so he handed the notice to Andy.

I went down to the housing court and the woman there said that cuz I pay on the 1st, he can’t evict me till February 9th. He gave me a 30-day notice on January 9th, but by law, the little fuck can’t do shit till March 1st. Hopefully, Russ will hurry up and take me to court so I can sue him there and try and get rent back payments for the months I froze my ass off. That’s probably what that Wendy at Legal Aid will tell me to do. I mean, what the fuck does this prick expect to say or do in court other than make a spectacle out of himself. Steve says the jackass will drop it. Bullshit. I know how people are. When they start trouble they start trouble but this little fuck obviously doesn’t realize he’s fucking with the wrong girl.

Same with Jenny C. Court on March 6th! HA! Jenny got exactly what she deserved, so she’s going to have to enjoy going to court herself cuz I sure as hell won’t be there.

Later…

Me and Andy are performing at the Pub this Friday night. He’s gonna do If I Were You by Stevie Nicks and I’m gonna do Words Get in the Way by Gloria.

Speaking of Gloria, she’s got a new album due to come out in 5 days. I hope there are some songs in Spanish on it. I wish I could’ve gotten that album with a lot of her songs in Spanish on it including Words Get in the Way (No Me Vuelvo a Enamorar). It would be better to do the Spanish version for the contest. I’ll need to order that album.

Brenda gave me 2 ciggies so now that’ll make 7. I’m really gonna pay for this. God, please don’t let me have a bad attack till I can once again get up the will to try and quit again.

Ok, time to move me, my coffee and my phone to the bedroom where I’m nice and comfortable.

Later…

I woke up feeling fairly good. I slept with my humidifier on.

Little fuck Fran’s up to his shit again. I woke up to a message from his neighbor Debbie accusing me of saying I’m gonna hurt her 2-year-old daughter and that Fran got a call from DES. I then had to explain to her how long I’ve known Fran and how little she knew him and that she had quite a bit to learn. This poor girl was terrified and I assured her no threats were made. Fran got her all worked up and it’s obviously a rejection issue or the fact that Fran had a horrendously lousy day. Debbie said I sounded sincere and I told her not to worry about Fran’s BS and not to let it get to her. I also told her to tell Fran that not only is he not welcome here anymore, but he’s not welcome to call me either. Between the shit Fran pulled with my mother along with other stuff and now this, that’s the final straw and I don’t need him.

Andy left a message about returning the videotape of his so I can record his soap. I called over where he lives and Gail says he’s not there. I also called over at Brenda’s, assuming he’d be there, but there was no answer.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 23, 1991 I have therapy today yet I don’t know how the hell I’m going to get there. I slept till almost 8:00 last night.

Andy came over last night and once again things are fairly good between us now that we’re not living together. See, when you have a fight with someone over the phone, you can just hang up on them. It’s not that simple when you’re living with someone.

Since Sunday I’ve been having 2-3 cigarettes a day and it’s catching up to me so I’ve got to be careful again. My back pain’s back and I’m waking up coughing again.

MONDAY, JANUARY 21, 1991 Yesterday my niece Lisa turned 8.

The day before yesterday I had about 4 cigarettes. I was terrified to go to bed thinking I’d wake up with a wicked bad attack, but I woke up fine. In fact, I feel better than I have in a long time. My nose and lungs are clearer and I’m not tight in the chest and there’s no back pain. Today I’ve had only one, but I could really go for one now.

Later…

Right after I last wrote, Jimmy gave me a cigarette which was my second. I fell asleep at 9:00 this morning figuring it’d be easy to get up at 1pm cuz I’d slept so many hours the day before. How wrong I was. I was dead tired. I didn’t get up until a few minutes before 4:00 when Bill rang the buzzer. I remained tired ever since but at least I got my grocery shopping done. I want to do more laundry tonight but I’m too beat. Last night I did two loads from around 12:30-2:30 AM. It was quite convenient as I’m a night person and knowing no one would be using the machines.

SATURDAY, JANUARY 19, 1991 Sure enough, I fucking woke up hacking my brains out about an hour ago. I had fallen asleep right after I last wrote. I definitely have a cold. No doubt about it as I can really feel it now.

Andy said that even when I feel I’ve kicked the smoking habit, I’ll still have urges. Of course, I know I will every so often and Andy’s been supportive but I think he’s starting to get jealous somewhat. God knows he’s very capable of that too, as I’ve seen him display jealousy before. It’s ok to feel a little jealous of someone now and then but it depends on how you handle that jealousy. Andy has quit before for 10 days two different times. Depending on the situation, I sometimes will look at a glass of water as being either half full or half empty. Andy will always see it as half empty.

Well, the street animals are out playing musical horns as usual.

Thank fucking God Andy will be here in less than 12 hours!

Later…

I wish to hell I could go back to sleep for a while. I have a lot of shit I need to do today and I want to sleep tomorrow night to be awake for Sunday’s voice lesson.

I started to get really pissed off with my urge to smoke. Even though they’re not intense, they’re still pretty frequent and I know it’ll be this way forever. The thought of always craving a cigarette pissed me off to the point where I held one and stared at it. I told myself if I smoked it, I’d have a severe attack which is true. I told myself I didn’t want to ever have to go to the ER again and be within inches of death 24 hours a day and in so much constant pain that I WISHED I were dead. I also thought of my singing. Yes, craving one is a better way of suffering, but it’s going to suck just the same. Since I do not drink or do drugs, it’s hard not having something of some kind to do, and watching others smoke.

FRIDAY, JANUARY 18, 1991 If I’m such a cruel nasty bitch who has so many bad points and not too much good, as people like to tell me, then why do people bother with me? Why not go find someone like themselves? I’m sorry but I just don’t feel guilty or selfish cuz I want to live alone. Or be myself.

I haven’t talked with Steve or Jessie for the longest time. I’m not good enough for them. That’s how I feel. I can’t help but always feel that with everyone even though I know I have good qualities. If I dump all my friends I won’t have to worry about communication and being misunderstood. Or feeling like I’m not good enough or a burden to them. People can be so contradicting, too. They play with my head. I’ll say something in which they’ll say they agree with 100%, then the next day they’ll use it against me and play me for a fool. Like, “How dare you say that Jodi!” But yesterday they agreed with and fully understood what I said. I’m no longer gonna be made to feel ashamed, foolish or guilty about the way I feel about things. The way I feel is the way I feel and who and what I am is who and what I am. Not what others want me to be, say, act or feel.

Later…

The little wimpett is going to start moving today and be out by tomorrow. I’m counting down the minutes.

Another reason I haven’t spoken to Steve is, that I’m tired of the “Andy said” bullshit. It puts me on the spot when I’m all of a sudden hit with something Andy said. Then I have to defend myself and explain something he made up or twisted around to make them dislike me or misunderstand me. He loves to turn people against me and he’s dropped plenty of hints that he’s had some pretty long and heavy-duty talks with his friend Adam concerning me. With many others, too. If you typed up all he’s ever said to people about me, he’d have a 3” thick book. Of course, in the long run, as far as Andy thinks, he’s 95% right and I’m 95% wrong.

Later…

Tomorrow Mr. Melodramatic is out of here. Thank fucking God! I can’t wait to have this place back to myself. I don’t know how much longer I’ll be here but God only knows I’m counting down the minutes till Mr. Antic is out of here.

It shocks the shit out of me to say that as of 1am tonight, it’ll be 5 days, going on 6, since I last smoked. Amazing, huh? Not that I’m not getting urges here and there. I am. But the urges are very brief and 5 days is fantastic seeing that the longest I’ve ever made it before was just a tad over 2 days. My back pain is gone. And I am no longer so severely short of breath. I’m still a little tight in the chest, though, and a little wheezy and still coughing and sneezing some. Besides having bad withdrawal I also have a cold. The cold is subsiding much quicker than it would’ve if I smoked still. It’ll be really nice to only have a cold for 4 days out of a year rather than 300 days out of a year.

Later…

Jesus, I’ve been up for 22 hours! When am I gonna fall asleep? I think part of it is cuz I’m so psyched for Andy to get the fuck out tomorrow morning. Wait till the people he rents from finds out he doesn’t do chores and he breaks things. Or tries to when he isn’t getting his way. Wait till he himself finds out our friendship is over.

THURSDAY, JANUARY 17, 1991 Well, in an hour I’ll have gone 72 hours without smoking. The reality of it all still hasn’t quite hit me, but everything’s gone just as I predicted. Just like with the Navane and other things I’ve predicted how, why and when they’d happen. Some predictions, for example, with the Navane and smoking I predicted 3 or 4 years before it happened. Before I quit, I mean. I could see how it was gonna happen too, and why.

Later…

Am I ever psyched for Andy to get the hell out! He’s supposed to move this Saturday to rent a room on Dickinson. Yeah sure, but I’m like, get this wacko outa here! Andy never really was a true friend. Not in all ways, but in some ways. The reason I’m running around calling him a liar about this and that so much lately is cuz he’s done it so much to me. He can’t take his best friend’s word for anything so now he’s seeing how he likes it. Why would I, or any other 25-year-old need to lie? I’m not a child who has to fear punishment if the truth is told.

I cannot wait till he’s outa here and I will never ever let myself get into this situation again. I, of course, should’ve known better with a person like Andy. Or his type. Andy just freaks over anything and everything. I know plenty of other people who I have much less in common with but could live with them so much easier. However, I never will live with anyone again. That’s how I felt before Andy moved in so I sure as hell won’t change my mind about that now. He has lived here for almost a month.

Later…

The last sentence got cut off cuz Andy and I started talking. We also played the piano and sang. I still say, though, that yes he has a lot of good qualities, and yes we have a lot in common, but God he can be an asshole!

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 16, 1991 While I’m waiting for Martha I can tell you how well I woke up. It was 5am and fucking Andy asked me to wake him up at 7:00. I told him to set his alarm in case I fell asleep and I did. I then woke up briefly at 9am. The next thing I know, the little fuck is saying, “Hey! Hey! Don’t you have an appointment?”

It was 1:15 PM and my alarm had another 45 minutes to go. I wanted to kill him! Then the little fuck goes, “Thanks for waking me up.”

I told him it’s not my fucking responsibility to get him up. I also set his alarm and he said it didn’t work so he took his anger and frustration out on me by waking me up. Then the immature brat plays the answering machine messages back loudly, stomps his feet and sings at the top of his lungs. Is this guy ever going to grow up?

His favorite show had 20 more minutes to go when he left, and I had had it with his bullshit, so I stopped the VCR from recording.

He’s got two days to get the fuck out.

As for the good news and yes, believe it or not, there is good news. Very, very, very good news. I have not smoked since January 14th!!! No, I do not feel like I want one!!!!!

Later…

I let it all out in therapy today. About how despite the fact that there’s a lot of good in Andy, he’s also an immature, spiteful, selfish little boy who only will hear what he wants to hear. And how he’s got to either condemn or make someone miserable in some way when things in life aren’t going the way he wants.

He’s over crying on Brenda and Bonny’s shoulder now as he’s not man enough to face me. Like last night when he said how his mother said it was wrong for him to go to Brenda. I simply said, “Andy, you’re gonna do what you’re gonna do, believe what you want to believe, say what you want to say, and hear what you want to hear.”

He’s a wimp and even though he’s turned Brenda, Bonny and Steve against me, I know they’re really fed up with him crying on their shoulders and needing a babysitter. Of course, God help someone if they should be upset or sick and go cry on HIS shoulder.

SUNDAY, JANUARY 13, 1991 Well, I’m still feeling like shit, unfortunately. There’s no feeling worse than wanting to pick yourself up, be happy, be productive, but you just can’t. My asthma’s killing me and I’m still under mega-stress. Way more so than I’ve been in a long time. I mean, this has got to stop, but I feel helpless. Like I don’t know where to begin to help myself. It just isn’t always easy. I miss those days when I was productive non-stop and could physically bounce off the walls for endless hours. I was a dancer. Now I take two steps and my heart’s racing or I’m wheezing or both. I wanted to kill myself for getting so out of breath with only two bags of groceries to carry up. Two years ago I could’ve run up those stairs 20 times.

I still can’t stand having Andy here. Even if I lived with Brenda I’d go nuts, even though she’d be easier to live with cuz she’s more easygoing and calm compared to Andy.

Andy looked at a room on Mulberry St., but I’m afraid he’ll be here much longer than I can stand. Andy and I will remain friends, but I may move to CT since there’s nothing for me here and Andy and I will save money and then maybe move to PHX.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 9, 1991 It started to snow a few hours ago so I was off by one day but that’s still close.

Right now I’m listening to Andy, Fran, Tracy and Raven make prank phone calls. Raven was in the lip sync contest and never won. She was a pitiful drag queen and literally froze on stage, but seems to be a nice person. Fran’s taken him in for a month till he gets a job. Well, like Tracy said, Fran’s good for taking people off the streets.

Last night was a hell of a night. I had a severe migraine and was crying for hours in bed till I finally threw up twice. Of course, Andy didn’t give a fuck and I knew it so I held it in and suppressed the urge to scream out. I needed someone so badly last night. Well, I had to puke instead cuz Andy would’ve freaked if I woke him up. Plus, he’d rather make me feel worse than better. I get shit on whether I speak positive or negative about myself. The guy who’s supposed to be my best friend’s busy turning my friends against me and constantly talking shit to Brenda, Bonny, Steve, you name it. He said, both to me and others, more negative shit about me than positive.

I’ll write more later since all I have to talk to is this book unless I hold it in till I puke. But puking is better than trashing things, though I can’t believe I didn’t. Reaching out to people and communicating with them only gets me in trouble and misunderstood so I’d rather puke and lose weight.

MONDAY, JANUARY 7, 1991 Well, it didn’t snow today like I felt it would, but they say it may snow Wednesday.

I met this really nice nurse named Kim at Baystate ER. She’s super nice, open-minded, and the type you feel you’ve known for years the second you meet her.

She was on her way home when I was standing outside the ER entrance when I saw The Joy of Signing book in her hand and we took it from there. It turns out that we have a lot in common and I’m giving her sign language lessons. We’ve met 3 times so far and today she took me to Valley’s for baked stuffed shrimp in exchange for me to teach her sign language. However, she really is doing me a favor too, by giving me a chance to use my sign language and to keep on top of it.

Later…

From now on I must learn to be my own therapist. I shall try to discuss as much as I can about my feelings with myself or write them in this book. I always admired myself for being able to speak my mind but now I find it’s better to keep my mouth shut most of the time. Communication only starts fights and arguments. People often misunderstand the things I say and do and take me the wrong way so what’s the use? I’m gonna just start going along with as much as I can except for things like sex with an ugly woman or a man. I want to learn to talk less and be able to cheer my own self up when I’m depressed or sick as independently as I can.

I’m really proud of myself for last night. I had a massive asthma attack and I was terrified. I mean fucking terrified. I was crying tears like a leaky faucet, but I didn’t wimp out to anyone. I was about to dial 911 and say, “Look, it’s been hours that I’ve been trying to fight this off and I just can’t.” Yet even after being told at the ER what a risk it is to your heart and in other ways, I beat it on my own.

SATURDAY, JANUARY 5, 1991 I just took some decongestant medicine Brenda gave me and I'm so drowsy now.

TUESDAY, JANUARY 1, 1991 Age 25

New Year’s Eve sucked. First of all, Jimmy, downstairs, and I made a big mistake of picking up Fran and bringing him over. Fran embarrassed the shit out of Jimmy who had Mike and Lisa over. Mike and Lisa live next door in #11. Jimmy’s in #10 directly below me. He’s getting evicted which sucks. He turned out to be an ok neighbor. With my luck, some jackass will move in who’s the type that’ll freak if I have the stereo on the lowest volume.

Fran was drunk off his ass. He couldn’t stop playing with my hair, slapping me and Andy on our heads and he fucking raided the kitchen as if he hasn’t eaten in years. He’s not ever again coming over here.

Tracy was over tonight. She lost a lot of weight.

Andy and I had a huge fight and we shoved each other. Much later when we were calm we laughed about it, admitting we were glad we shoved each other to get our frustrations out.

I really do hate having a roommate and I explained to him that it’s gonna take some serious getting used to and adjusting. I’ve been alone so long and I do prefer it that way. 3 years or so ago I’d have jumped at the thought of having a roommate, but as I’ve gotten older, my desires have changed. Just like I really don’t care to be with a woman or to have a baby anymore. I do want to very occasionally have casual sex, but not with just anyone. I really wish someday I could have one night, just one night, with a woman I’m attracted to and I feel that spark with, rather than a woman who’s just ok. I know it won’t happen, though, and I accepted that a long time ago. Well, like I always said, better to fantasize about first best, rather than to settle for second best. Another reason that’s better about fantasy is that if the relationship is getting rocky, you can simply click it off and out of your mind. You certainly can’t do this in a real-life relationship.

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fromthebogs · 1 year ago

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im bored so quick hygiene lesson:

When you sneeze or cough, the best thing to do is cover your mouth with the inside of your elbow.

open mouth sneezing or coughing spouts germs into the air, at a greater distance than you think.

Sneezing or coughing into your closed fist or open palm also risks the spread of germs, as everything you touch until you wash your hands becomes contaminated. Unfortunately, just wiping your hand on your pants or shirt does not replace that.

It’s also important to change your socks and under garments daily, as they collect a ton of bacteria, even if you don’t leave the house or sweat a lot.

Your walls and baseboards collect a significant amount of dust. If you use a duster or lysol wipes, followed by vacuuming to collect the disturbed dust, you can significantly decrease unexplained morning and nighttime headaches and sinus issues. All together, doing this to one wall shouldn’t take more than 5 minutes.

I used to work in dentistry, so let’s talk dental hygiene. If you have trouble with dental hygiene like brushing and flossing, I’d recommend in investing in a tongue scraper, easy grip handle flossers rather than long floss, and either listerine or hydrogen peroxide. DO NOT DRINK EITHER OF THESE. THEY ARE MEANT TO BE SWISHED AND SPIT OUT. Listerine is better for after brushing and flossing, Hydrogen peroxide help sanitize sores and bleeding gums.

When flossing, you want to gently push the floss into either side of the gum that rises between your teeth, gliding along the sides of each neighboring tooth. If you bleed or experience sensitivity, that means your pockets are loose and you could be approaching gingevitis. This is reversible so don’t panic! If the bleeding/ tenderness does not get better after consistent flossing for a month, you should go to your dentist because that could be a cavity. Untended cavities can lead to a heart attack, because the rot from your tooth gets into your bloodstream. So very important to address it! Rinse your floss every now and then to get rid of the gunk, and throw it away when you’re done. It’s helpful to just absently floss while watching TV or reading, so that it seems like less of a daunting task.

For brushing, each quarter of your mouth should last 30 seconds. Electric toothbrushes will buzz every 30 seconds so if you struggle with time you can know when to switch, and it’ll do a longer buzz to let you know you’ve finished.

If you have a fear of the dentist, which is nothing to be ashamed of, you can call and request a consultation and communicate about your anxiety. The dentist can sit with you outside of the operatory so you don’t have to be in the chair, and you can discuss the details of what kind of treatment you are seeking before you dive into an appointment, and talk about your triggers and how you can move forward with small steps.

When you shower, try to use a course washcloth, body brush, or exfoliation net (the latter is great if you have trouble reaching your back or lifting your arms). Lufas never dry properly so they collect a ton of bacteria between uses, and don’t do a great job of scrubbing off dead skin cells that aren’t visible to the eye. If you have unexplained body odor even after showering, that could be why.

Also, water and soap running down your legs/ intimate areas does not replace scrubbing. It’s like if you poured water on the floor but didn’t mop. It’s just dirty and also wet now.

If you’re always itchy after showering, that’s because the heat from the water dried your skin. Using lotion right after showering and drying off helps your skin retain moisture. This is also when you should put on your deoderant, so your nooks and crannies don’t get irritated from rubbing.

Cold showers, while having some pretty great mental benefits, do not do enough to cleanse the bacteria off your body.

If you prefer cold showers, I’d recommend going hot for the scrubbing and shaving, then turn the water to cold. This is actually the best way to do it because it closes the pores in your skin and also helps with post-shower/ post-shave itchiness.

If you have something like pots, anemia, or anything that causes dizziness during showers, invest in a shower stool! It’s life changing to be able to sit down while showering. I sometimes just sit on the floor of the shower when my body is having a hard time due to chronic pain. You are allowed to adjust your daily tasks to make them easier on you, and there is absolutely no shame or defeat in investing in mobility aids.

Hygeine is learned, and many people have grown up in situations where they were never sat down and taught about it. That could be because they were focused on survival, were dealing with disabilities/mental illness, or just simply never had access to the tools to learn. Having poor hygiene does not equate to being a bad person. You deserve to feel comfortable and confident in your body.

If anyone has questions or would like resources to learn more, my dm’s are open without judgement or question.

#hygiene

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plinkcat-gif · 2 years ago

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my souls leaves my body every time i sneeze please send help

#i have sneezed 5 times in the last 30 seconds #please shoot me #i had to get up and beauty care myself just now at 2am because i am just #rotting from the inside out #ok dying goodnight again

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writingquestionsanswered · 4 years ago

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Tattoo Shop AU - a quick, practical guide for writers

Guest Post by lebanon-hangover

lebanon-hangover said: this is based on my personal experience with the industry only, so depending on the era and country you are portraying, it may not be 100% accurate for your setting.

Hygiene

It may not be obvious at first glance, but most tattooists are clean freaks. We work with human blood every day, and we get clients from all ages, ethnic and social economic backgrounds, with all sorts of medical conditions.

We usually mop frequently, bleach the sinks, wipe down everything, and use cling film or bags to wrap everything. I mean fucking everything. We also scrub in, and sanitise the area on the person we work on.

Needles are collected in a sharps bin, and handled very carefully. Medical waste goes in yellow bags, and both are collected by a professional service.

Used ink caps may look full, but the ink gets diluted by blood. Like you dip the inky needle into the person, but you also dip the person’s blood into your ink. These are medical waste too.

Cleaning up must be done promptly after the session. Bin everything disposable, put things through the ultrasonic and the autoclave, and sanitise the area. We may take machines apart, but more for maintenance than cleaning, sometimes we swap parts in them too.

We have two sinks, one for hand washing, one for cleaning.

All inks and needles have use by dates.

The internal dynamics of a studio

Depending on the country, some tattoo shops tend to have ties to biker gangs, and some of those internal dynamics and unwritten rules are often present.

There’s a pecking order and it’s dead serious. Basically the longer you’ve been in a shop, the higher ‘rank’ you are, you get the better positioned stations, first pick of walk-ins, etc (Unless the client is asking for someone by name). Regardless of your actual experience in the industry, like if you move into your old apprentice’s shop, they are still senior to you. If the owner or their partner is an artist, obviously they are on top of the chain by default.

We are self employed, but we have a boss. You are only making money if you are working, but you still have set work hours.

We get paid by the clients, and we pay the studio a cut. In return, there are some items provided by them, and some we buy for ourselves. Usually the chairs, tattoo beds, gloves, cleaning products, clip cord covers, masks, aprons, ink caps, vaseline, green soap, and some basic ink is provided by the shop. We buy our own machines, arm rests, stations, pedals, power supplies, clipcords, tips and grips, needles, special colours, stencil fluid…these are a personal preference, and often depend on the artists’ style.

We totally ask to try out each other’s equipment sometimes, or ask for a certain type of needle if we ran out.

The receptionist is usually just one of us, maybe a piercer, but it also can be a hired person in top studios.

The apprentice in the traditional system is often mistreated, and they have to pay for their education, have to be there multiple days a week and don’t make any money. It’s kind of like a tear them down, build them back up again thing to see if they are really serious about the job. Times are slowly changing, but 99% of them will always need a second job. Most of them are working as bar staff.

When you open a new studio, you must visit all the existing local ones and introduce yourself, otherwise you may get a brick through the window. Otherwise there’s not much beef among individual artists, they are often friends, go to conventions together and party after, etc.

The Artists

Tattooing is a fairly physical job, stretching skin is very important. We have to also keep our clients safely still, so we often use positions to pin them down a bit. Sometimes you hit a reflex point on the foot or under a knee, and you don’t want to get kicked. Sometimes you have to pull away super fast, cos they are sneezing, yawning or giggling.

Most tattooists drink a lot of coffee, tea or energy drinks.

Some people are all rounders, some have specific styles, but we recognise each other’s art styles. Sometimes we delegate work to each other, if we think our coworkers style fits the concept better. For example if there’s a person who does script well, we give them those projects.

We don’t like when people come in with designs from other artists. Art theft is frowned upon, and we work best with our own drawings.

Most apprentices practice on their own legs, and sometimes we tattoo each other when it’s quiet. Most people have cover ups, or bad pieces from their early days. The artists’ own tattoos sometimes are in a different style than what they do, but we like to collect ink from friends or colleagues we admire.

In the first 1-2 years one is an apprentice, then junior artist. At 5-8 years of tattooing, you have earned your stripes and are considered an experienced artist.

Conventions are really fun, but can be stressful. You can make good money working at one, and sometimes get awarded for it too. We can also spend a lot at a convention.

Sometimes we poke our fingers by accident, and it’s a scary thing. Good case scenario is just some random dots on your fingers. Let’s not go into the bad case scenario.

We do guest spots sometimes, just to meet new clients, and change it up a bit.

We spend a lot of time drawing up things, and designs are meant to fall on specific muscles, stretch with the skin a certain way, so they are tailored to the body proportions of the client. A good tattoo is also an optical illusion, complimenting the body shape.

Social media presence is like a second job, you need good photos, and you need to market yourself.

Tattoo ink does not wash out, so some stains are inevitable when pouring it out. Those ink bottles get stuck so easily, and we wrestle them a lot. We try to avoid it, but wearing all dark colours is a thing for a reason.

The Clients

Tattooists need to have a good ‘bedside manners’ too. We get nervous or self conscious people, and we are told personal things during long sessions. For example scar coverups and memorial pieces can be very emotional.

We have pretty good poker faces and first aid trainings. People can faint, get shaky, throw up, some have seizures, have b.o., get sweaty, etc the same way as at a blood donation event? It’s no big deal really. We sit them down, give them some water and some sugar, and re-book them if necessary. Most artists keep some wet wipes, mouth wash, deodorant, sweets, maybe even some clean clothes at work, just in case.

If someone comes in with a wild idea for a jobstopper, we would sit down and have a long talk. If they haven’t got many tattoos, we usually try to stir them towards more safe choices, offering them creative ideas. It’s like those jedi mind tricks sometimes.

If someone is undecided, we show them our own hand drawn flash sheets. Once its gone, its gone tho, we don’t use the designs twice.

Pinterest is full of photoshopped fake tattoos, some that won’t even work as real ink. Many people also touch up their work digitally on photos, so some clients have really unrealistic expectations.

We can totally tell if someone is intoxicated or hangover. It thins the blood, and they bleed out the ink, and it’s super annoying. if it’s bad, they will be sent home and rebooked.

Some folks are self conscious about body hair, their size, stretch marks and scars. Chances are, we have seen similar, and we aren’t bothered by it, because it’s work. Surgery scars, scars from accidents, self harm scars, burns, we see it all the time. We shave some really hairy dudes all the time girl, your legs are fine. Seriously. If something makes tattooing you dangerous we will tell you.

Fit, muscular people are harder to tattoo because they are really firm. Its a workout for us.

Everyone gets midnight messages about the aftercare from nervous clients, and drunken booty calls about getting inked right at this second. We have copy paste replies…

We get creeps sometimes. Stalking, weird conversations, tmi info dumps etc.

Other things to include (for fun, or for plot reasons)

We sometimes have those “oh fuck” moments. We all do, but mistakes can be fixed, and we play it cool.

Tattooing takes time. Usually 30 minutes to multiple sessions though years and years.

Healing tattoos takes about 2-4ish weeks, and your characters shouldn’t go roll around in dirt, sunbathe, swim, pick at the scabs. Nasty infections, and messed up tattoos would be the results.

If you have a strong immune system, and you get a lot of work done in one sitting, you may get a brief bit of a temperature. It’s normal, and will go away.

Its a lot easier to get seriously drunk after getting a tattoo. Be careful.

We sometimes draw on each other for practice with our marker pens.

Tattoos are inside the skin, not on top of it. Imagine a low opacity, skin toned layer over the ink, adding to the healed tattoos’ colour. Please stop making your characters skin fully transparent.

Heavy blackwork and palms are done in multiple sessions.

You can’t cover up moles, because if they develop skin cancer, the dermatologist can’t see the signs.

There’s a stereotype about piercers having blacked out sleeves.

Stencil fluid looks just like cum.

You get that annoying itch on your face when you scrubbed in, put on gloves and finally ready to go.

Some artists have a strong preference for coil or rotary machines, and they bicker about it a lot. Coils are louder, more punchy, and more traditional, perfect for lineart. They can be customised, and they last forever. They are also called glorified doorbells by people who prefer rotaries. Rotary machines are smoother, lighter, and often use needles that are pulled back into the cartridges for safety. They are better for shading and delicate line work. Older tattooists often say they are dildo or butt plug shaped, overly delicate and are for “soft millennials” only.

Every artist owns like 5 to 20 machines, and they have specific machine builders they are loyal to.

The “which cable is broken and cutting out” guessing game. Clip cords and pedal cables get worn out easily, and that results in your machine running really jerky.

Walk-in always show up 10 minutes before closing.

We often look quite silly at work. Sleeves rolled up, folks use all sorts of plastic ppe, headlamps, and we tie up our hair. Add couple of purple smears from carbon paper, and we aren’t scary at all.

#writing guide #writing tips #writing advice #writer's guide #writeblr #writing community #writing #writing help #submission

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mochatheangelkiller · 2 years ago

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Tag game!!

rules: answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to get to know better. (I added some friends I want to answer this because I don't have that many)

(I was tagged here)

Thanks for the tag @imaturtledontchaknow!!

Name: Atlas or Mocha, either is great

Sign: Taurus

Hight: ~ 5’6 - 5’7

Time: 5:41 p.m.

Birthday: May 9

Favourite Bands/Artists: Theres a lot but Xana is my top and Marianas Trench is a close second

Last Movie: Either Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness or Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl

Last Show: Finished - The Boys, Still Watching - Either House M.D. or Gotham

When I created this blog: February 2021

Things I post: Whatever comes to mind and stuff on my dash that is interesting

Last thing I googled: not chucks ending comic (Its really good, if you want the link just message me)

Other blogs: None

Do I get asks: Once in a while I do, but not really (mainly bots)

Following: Im following 251 blogs atm and have 20 followers

Average hours of sleep: anywhere from 2 to 10 hours

Instruments: Ive played the piano for YEARS, I can kinda sing and I'm learning the acoustic! (I also know some uke)

What Im wearing: Jeans and a white tee with yellow print on it that reads 'Good Vibes Only' (its very soft)

Dream Job: World news reporter or musician. (Something in the spotlight, I like attention)

Dream Trip: France, Italy or Poland

Nationality: Canadian

Favourite Songs: The Fruits by Paris Paloma, Sharks by Imagine Dragons, Already Famous by Lenii, UH OH!! by Sub Urban and MANY MANY MORE

Last Book: Scott Westerfeld's Imposters (highly recommend)

3 FIctional Worlds Id Live In: I have no clue and could go on for hours about this.

Please? @anarchyforcanon @ghostdrools @existentialvoidofexistence @demon-sneeze @endvcas @maple-monarch @youre-only-gay-once @callalilycas @sciencefictionandfantasy @dearcas

#tag game

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bvccy · 3 years ago

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Forbidden thoughts | 11. Her last photographs

— PAIRING: soft!dark!Bucky Barnes x female!Reader

— SYNOPSIS: For one of his last missions to make amends, Bucky tracks down the daughter of a man he killed when he was the Winter Soldier. He follows her from a distance at first, then slowly gets to know her. Affection turns to love which turns to lust which turns into something darker. Bucky tells himself he’s stalking her with good intentions, but he knows that isn’t true anymore.

— CHAPTER NOTES: Bucky has a little heart-to-heart with Melvin, and then he goes snooping through our girl's phone looking for nudes. A very naughty boy, but we get to know both characters a bit better. Enjoy! 🌺

— WORDCOUNT: 3K

⸻ [MASTERLIST] [AO3] [PLAYLIST]

Both the men's clothes were filthy with dirt and grime and the smudge of dead grass after their exploration of the abandoned site — but that was soon washed away because, as they were halfway into their walk back to town, it started to rain.

"Didn't you check the weather forecast before deciding to go do your little exploration today?" grumbled Bucky.

He was grateful there weren't many cars driving down the road to splash them, but the rain fell down so hard that, even as short as his hair was right now, it fell into his eyes. Still, he wasn't in nearly as bad a state as Melvin. His usually lively curls were now draped like curtains on either side of his face which bore a deep-set scowl. They looked like a couple of stray cats that fell into a river.

"I didn't think it would take this long," hissed Melvin. He walked beside him, hunched over the lump beneath his coat that hid the bag where all his notebooks and sketches were. "Besides, uncle Eugene was leaving today, I had no choice."

"For someone who claims to be an archaeologist, you sure seem to be living with your head up in the clouds. And don't you Brits always carry an umbrella?"

For a second, the boy looked ready to make a snide remark, but with a glance at Bucky's frown, he gave up on it.

"Alright, I might've messed up."

"We'll never get to the train station on time…" he mumbled, sharp exhale fogging up in front of him.

"Guess we'll have to take the one tomorrow morning," shrugged Melvin, not even considering that Bucky was more worried about missing the girl rather than the train. "We can spend the night over there," he nodded as a motel's flickering lights came into view.

They walked through the doors, almost stepping over each other, and a bell rang to announce them. Bucky shook the water off his shoulders and tried to wipe his muddied boots as well as he could, while Melvin flapped his coat in an attempt to dry it. He made himself sneeze so hard his hair sprinkled water everywhere. The place probably didn't get many visitors judging by how long it took the owner to appear from somewhere in the back and, taking his time, light up the reception desk.

Ten minutes later, they each had a room and were making use of the hotel's robes and towels. Bucky wasn't sure if the little blue mice embroidered on his were the motel logo or just a stylish choice, but it was warm and dry, and better than Melvin's pink flowery one.

"If can meet up tomorrow at around 5:30, we can make it to the station on time," he grumbled, clutching a hot water bottle to his chest.

"I'll be up at 5, and if you're not down by half-past, I'll come get you," said Bucky. It wasn't exactly with a warning tone, but the boy got the message.

"Sure, sure," he nodded. "Grief, I hope they have room service over here, I'm starving."

"Wouldn't count on it," the older man grinned. He shrugged with somewhat malicious delight at his new friend's miserable look and patted Melvin's shoulder. "Cheer up."

He almost left when, with an afterthought, he turned around and added, "I think they have a kitchen downstairs. Maybe you could ask for a sandwich."

"Oh. What about you?"

Bucky looked from the boy back toward his room and sighed. He was eager to be alone and look through the girl's phone. A few unanswered calls had gathered up — no doubt from her while they were in the middle of nowhere — but he hadn't eaten since that morning on the train. Although he knew he could last even longer yet, he knew it would be good to go eat with Melvin.

A few minutes later, they were both sitting by the fire in the kitchen, with a large plate of sandwiches on the nearby table and two glasses of wine. The open stove was crackling with logs and old newspapers. The lady who owned the place had been very nice to serve them even at that hour, at no extra cost, and left them alone for the day.

By the flickering light, snuggled in their fluffy robes, the two men went through their notes and photographs from the day, their feet outstretched to catch the fire's warmth. Melvin had refilled his hot water bottle and let it rest on his stomach as he leaned back.

"These grooves here, in the earth," he said as he held the camera up with one hand, flipping through the photos, and a glass of wine in the other. "What do you think they are?"

"Could be anything," shrugged Bucky as he leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees.

On the floor between his feet were stretched out handwritten notes and sketches in more detail of the reliefs on the pillars. He kept a glove on his metal hand and was thankful that Melvin didn't ask about it. He'd rushed through three sandwiches and had finished all his wine, and now sat sprawled lowly on the chair and hoped to be ignored by his companion.

"Looks like something was stuck there, maybe some temporary construction… We'd need to date the earth samples properly, of course, the previous expedition might've measured them wrong, but they estimated they're from around the year 50 BC."

Bucky nodded, unsure if that should mean anything to him.

"Whatever was stuck there had a very even, round shape, but it's all gone now. Could've been wood trunks."

"Mhm…"

"Do you think…" started Melvin, leaning forward, "that they were holding something up, like a gate?"

"What makes you think that?"

"It's on the upward slope of the hill, and there are trenches not 20 feet away."

"So? What does that have to do with wooden logs?"

"It coincides with Caesar's sieges in the area," Melvin said, starting to get more animated as he was finally admitting to his theory. "This was exactly on the pathway to his Gallic wars," he said, and by his tone, Bucky understood he was determined to prove it.

"I mean, I guess it's possible, Melvin," he sighed. "But the grooves lead away from the hill. If the army manning the fortress, or whatever it was, were trying to hold the gates, they would've leaned in the opposite direction."

Melvin sighed and sat back, reexamining the pictures and frowning at this complication.

"Say, what would you…" Bucky started asking without really thinking about how to finish.

His eyes were stuck in the fading fire, and he could almost ignore that the boy was there, as if it were the walls he asked or the empty glass of wine. Although he could see him from the corner of his eye, paying attention, he almost wanted to pretend that it was Steve he spoke to, like in the good old days.

"What would you give to someone who has everything?" he asked.

It was a question that had troubled him these last few days, growing as he got to know the girl. She had everything she could want, and yet never seemed truly happy. Was there something he could give her? A service to provide? Deep down, Bucky knew he hated himself too much to consider that seriously, so he had to ask.

After a moment of silence, he turned to look at Melvin, who still looked at him.

"Well…" he started, keeping his voice low and serious. "If you're wondering, I've always wanted a Total Station Theodolite of my own."

Bucky grit his teeth but it quickly turned into a laugh. He probably should've expected that kind of thing from the boy… There was no point to dig elsewhere for answers, he had to figure this one out on his own.

They laughed and talked together until the fire went down, Melvin pouring over all the evidence they'd gathered. He resolved to approach the data with fresh eyes once he was back at the university, and he had samples of earth and stone to send for examination as well. Bucky could only give him an encouraging pat on the back as they both went back upstairs.

The phone was still in his coat pocket. He'd locked the door, but the rattling of the wind and rain outside made the place feel haunted. Walking very softly across the room, Bucky took the phone out and went back to his bed. By the light of the bedside lamp, he looked at it: white and flat, a little smudged from where it had been a little damp but all dry now. With a press of a side button, the screen lit up to a painted sky with golden clouds, a weather app announcing rain, and the time: 21:07. There were three unanswered calls, but he'd seen those before when they'd just reached the motel.

Back in the train, Bucky noticed the girl used a sort of pattern to unlock her phone, and as he tilted it toward the lamp he could see a shape left on it from her finger. He moved his thumb across and the puzzle came up: 9 dots in rows of 3. He tried the pattern a few times, unsure if it was up or down or lateral, but eventually, he got it right. Bucky sighed and leaned away, suddenly disturbed by how far he was willing to go. He was skirting right on the edges of Rule Number 1, and Rule Number 2 for that matter. Bucky knew himself, he knew he meant well, he knew he wouldn't use anything in here to hurt her, but then again… if he gave her that same access to his life, how would he feel? Ashamed. But, he had more to hide.

He went into her contacts first, where he found fewer numbers than he was expecting. Some shared her surname, which made them relatives most likely. He found Melvin's number there, and Berit Groh's. Checking the activity, he didn't find many calls made or received, but people tended to chat through apps these days anyway.

With another stab of guilt, he checked her text messages next. There were a few exchanges with Berit from that day at the museum, some between her and what seemed to be her boss on a day a few months ago when she was running late; others were from her mother and a few from other friends.

Bucky held the phone in his hands and let his metal fingers tap against it, knowing what he wanted to look at next but not having the courage to.

"Courage?" he asked himself — that's not what it was. "Shamelessness, more like."

Before he could stop himself, he tapped his finger against the Gallery icon, and her photo album popped into view. Pictures from earlier that day, from weeks ago, and months, spanning a few years it seemed. They were dated, and although she didn't take photos every day, she took them quite often.

He started from the most recent ones: the train. The motion made some of them blurry, the landscape passing in a black and yellow mass, but others were more clear. Those taken with the camera flush against the window seemed taken outside but the dust and grime of the glass gave them an elegant aged look.

There was a video as well, just over a minute long — and he remembered when this was, could remember exactly what he'd said before and after, with this moment of silence in their conversation captured together with the flocks of birds and smoke pillars passing by outside. The soft rumble of the train could be heard in the background, and even a bit of Eugene and Melvin's banter.

"But there are depictions of a cynocephaly soldier which are contemporary."

"If you mean those of the Unit of the Marmaritae, those are inconclusive, the wood rot is too extensive. Besides, you'd need to prove it depicts one and the same cynocephalus."

With a smile, Bucky flipped through older photos next. She liked to capture sunsets out the office window, or at least that seemed to be the office judging by the cubicles; the sun set bright red over the smaller buildings in the distance. Some photos were of food and drinks — steaks, salads, hamburgers, sushi, milkshakes and elaborate fruit juices, and some small glasses of faint orange liquor.

She wasn't going out on dates, was she?!

He grabbed the phone in both hands and frowned as he scanned through all the food pictures, focusing on the ones where another meal could be seen on the other side and the corner of an elbow. He zoomed in, scrolling down to see some more — the tables seemed consistent, like she favoured only certain bars or restaurants. Eventually, he found some pictures that showed a bit of the people on the other side: young women, like her. Pictures taken during weekdays, at around noon or just past 5… They were most likely work colleagues.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Bucky laid down in bed and leaned against the pillow as he continued looking through the girl's pictures. Some were from the museum, one was of a black cat lazing in the sun in someone's garden, another of fallen flower petals. A couple were a close shot of her temple — was she just taking a picture of her hair? He looked more closely and then realised the purpose of the photo.

"Age gets us all," he chuckled.

She'd found a white hair, possibly her first. Bucky laughed as he imagined how frantic she must've been that she wanted to immortalise the moment. With a fading smile, he tried to remember the first white hair he got, but couldn't. Must've been after getting captured… Just another private memory in a long lost line that got scrambled and taken away by Hydra.

He swallowed the knot in his throat as he kept scrolling: pictures of flowers, of meals, of the landscape from her window of last year's first snow, her hand petting a tabby cat's tummy, bottles of wine and jars of honey all wrapped up in bows and gift bags, plush toys from Happy Meals. There were a few more videos as well — a New Year's fireworks display, a few seconds in a walk on a rainy spring day with a rainbow in the distance, and a slowly swaying tram.

Bucky was surprised he'd barely seen any pictures of her — no so-called "selfies", no posing in the mirror, no posing… at all. Beneath his more justifiable intentions of gathering information, he half-hoped for something a little more… indulgent. But no, no pretty lingerie, no fancy bath pictures, no moments when she was alone in bed and pampering herself, fingers crawling down her body to show off what she looked like when she wanted someone there… It was only now, in his disappointment, that he admitted to himself he was anticipating things like that. Another wave of shame came over him because of it, and because of how hungry he felt now that he was deprived.

"She's a good girl, Buck," he grumbled to himself. "She wouldn't take pictures like that."

And if she did, he reasoned, she would probably do it because she had someone to show them to. Almost instinctively, he frowned and shook his head, suddenly angry and protective, holding the phone harder in his hatred at the thought of somebody else seeing her.

He was almost done scrolling through the photos, finger hovering over the screen, when the silence was broken by a sharp ring and the device came alive in his hands. She had a sharp violin for a ringtone, and although it was an unknown number, he could guess who it was from. Keeping his hand steady, Bucky slid his thumb over the answer button and raised it to his ear.

For a good 10 seconds, there was only silence from the other end.

"H-hello?"

"Hi," he said. "You, ah, dropped your phone on the train."

"James?!" she gasped and almost started laughing.

He smiled at how relieved she sounded.

"Yeah, your phone is safe. Sorry I couldn't pick up earlier, by the way, Melvin dragged me to some remote spot in the middle of nowhere, I didn't —"

"Oh that's alright," she giggled. "I was just so scared… I've had that phone for years, there's so much stuff on it, and I didn't know if… Well, thanks for taking care of it."

"No problem," he chuckled, getting up to pace around the room in nervousness. "Are you back in Ixum yet?"

"Yes, just got back not long ago. I'm calling from an old mobile I had lying around."

She sounded nervous too, perhaps from the fear she'd lost her phone, or maybe because it was him on the other end. With unabashed vanity, Bucky wished that it were true — after all, she made him nervous too.

"Melvin and I got stuck here for the night," he sighed. "Don't ask."

"I won't," she laughed.

"But we'll be back first thing tomorrow. We can meet up, I'll give you your phone back."

"Ok," she said, and he could almost hear her nodding. "Ok, I can come greet you at the station."

"Deal," he smiled. "How was your day, by the way?"

"Nice. Comfy…"

There was a texture to her voice over the phone that he hadn't caught before, she sounded even more feminine, delicate like a sugary treat — ready to fall apart at the first taste, but lovely to look at. It made him feel at home just listening to her speak.

"I'm glad to hear that," he said.

"I'll leave you, then… You must've had a long day."

"Alright," Bucky sighed. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Oh, by the way. You haven't been looking through my phone, have you?"

"What? No!" he said, a bit too quickly. "No, of course not…"

"Alright… Good," the girl laughed. "Well, good night. Sleep tight."

"You too," smiled Bucky. "Good night."

#Bucky Barnes #James Buchanan Barnes #Winter Soldier #Sebastian Stan #marvel #mcu #Bucky Barnes imagine #Bucky Barnes fanfiction #Bucky Barnes x reader #Sebastian Stan fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #bv;fanfiction #soft!Bucky Barnes #dark!Bucky Barnes #Bucky Barnes fluff #Bucky Barnes angst

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