#i have read it like 10 times and tumblr keeps jumping to a different part of the paragraph or italicise whole paragraphs

[fivewholeminutes]

i am in fact the same TMBTE anon both times (sorry!! 😭). again, such a cool analysis!!! i'm new to ST and IMMEDIATELY got invested. i haven't seen an artist do something like this before, so it's really amazing trying to connect the dots based on what everyone thinks. and yes, i do think it's the same girl in the music videos, which is interesting because of the whole "he planned everything from the start" theory. then i wonder about what the music videos mean (though i do agree that the vision shifted a little after TLYW)! i loooveee the idea that Sleep is coming from within Vessel, cause he's literally a host as in an empty holding vessel. and the white mask thing omg......so crazy cool......cause then it goes into after being "taken hostage", they change their masks as like some sort of acceptance (which kind of mirrors Vessel's black body paint transformation cause the current masks are black too?). idk, i do think that sometimes we/the fans stretch things, but that's also the fun of it. always love hearing the Think™

and in true sleep token fashion, i think i'll remain anon - 🪼

Hello again, Anon!! Sorry this one took so much time! I am stuck in a car now, so I can finally finish it. The editing on mobile is an absolute fucking nightmare though

Don't be sorry for being the same Anon! I was just listing all possibilities and now, knowing it was you all the time, I hereby pronounce you My Beloved Anon. No take backsies. (Kidding, if you're not comfortable with this title, let me know!)

Alright! Let's make a list:

Immediately getting invested in ST? HIGH FIVE, this is what happens to approx. 98% of us (at least here on tumblr). And everybody agrees that there is Something about them. And nobody knows what that is, only that it works. So we're actually in a cult, sorry everyone!

Ok, no, it's not entirely true that we don't know, people have hinted that their uniqueness might be in a. extreme fucking talent, obviously and b. letting the audience fill in the gaps that lack of the band members' identities provides with whatever suits everyone's needs best.

The videos switch their vibe dramatically, don't they? The early ones feel more... I don't know, based in reality (maybe except for the Fields of Elation), while TPWBYT ones feel more like they are set in those dreamlands Vessel mentions in The Apparition. Okay, TLYW is more dreamland-ish, Alkaline looks like it's set on Earth/waking world, but Vessel gets too much power from Sleep and needs to be stopped by the ancient-gods-slash-eldrich-horror-hunting version of Ghostbusters. So the older videos seem more human to me, you know what I mean? Maybe they wanted to show that with time, Vessel looses more and more of his humanity. But we can't rule out the "they just had more money for the videos, so they went off" possibility. Also, I think they don't make much videos to not let the fans think there is some "canon" here?? Or they just don't like making them lol

EXCELLENT IDEA with that whole hostage mask situation - I've just had a loose thought they looked like sacks, but i haven't connected it to the lore, thank you, Anon!!!!! Now, as usual, it made me Think™. Cause we have interpretations floating around (which i love, btw) with the other Vessels being "drafted" into the band to relieve the first Vessel from the toll Sleep's power has on him, cause after all, his human body cannot manage it by itself when Sleep grows in power from all the worship. BUT what if they didn't join voluntarily? They weren't persuaded to join the cult, but they were kidnapped instead. Carefully chosen, to fulfill the plan of greatness. Hence the hostage-looking-masks. And then stockholm syndrome kicked in (i know, i know, the term is not exactly correct anymore, but for the lack of a better one 🤷‍♀️) and they were like "ye, you know what. That's actually better than a 9-5 job" and the masks changed. They have embraced the dark side. (I am cataloguing this under "unhinged theories", btw. But yeah, it's just a thought, possibility, me fucking around etc. That's a long-ish car trip, I gotta do something with myself, you know.)

Oh and we absolutely DO stretch things (see point 4, for example)! See things that aren't there. Make 2648585 interpretations. It's fun (when we remember not to involve the real people behind the masks in the mix)!

Anon, i respect you deciding to stay on Anon so much. You're making the band proud, probably!

[bigfrozenfan-fanfics]

Behind the scenes of „The Broken Bridge“

Warning: this is going to be a very long text, starting with a little personal analysis of Frozen II, but I want you to understand what ultimately motivated me to write "The Broken Bridge" and what was actually behind it.

If the following is too long for you, you can skip straight to the end, to a special invitation for my most loyal readers. But if you want to read on ... who knows, maybe I can give you some motivation to write your own fanfic, or I can give you some inspiration to keep writing and never give up. Let's start now ...

When I published my very first idea about a sequel to Frozen II on my main blog as a ficlet or prologue on May 24th 2020, I had no intention of writing this fanfic myself at first. Instead, I asked the fandom who of the experienced writers would like to do it and later wrote additional thoughts about it. Below is a list of links to my main blog and the beginnings:

Link 1 , Link 2 , Link 3 , Link 4 , Link 5 , Link 6 , Link 7 Link 8 , Link 9 , Link 10

At that time I didn't have a title for it either and simply called it "Frozen III plot / fanfic" or "frozen au". But none of the fanfic writers jumped at it, despite 67 likes including many comments. A few days later I had a discussion with one of my favourite writers on Tumblr, telling him that I was hesitant to continue writing because I just thought I was a bad writer at the time and also because of doubts about my English skills. I received lots of tips and words of encouragement from him and the writing duo.

Nevertheless, I was on the verge of giving up after publishing only 2 chapters. It wasn't until June 2nd that I put my third chapter online, but still as an F3 plot idea and without a title. However, once I found my beta reader (he had contacted me anonymously on Tumblr), I continued until chapter 11 for the time being, until the end of July 2020, when I stopped publishing on my main blog due to a lack of comments and likes. At that point, I was disappointed with the response and was about to give up.

It's no easy feat to convincingly and believably expand the world of Disney's Frozen II in such a way that you're drawn in from the very beginning — just like in the film — and can literally immerse yourself in an epic storyline that keeps you gripped until the very end. But not to the point where you drown in it (pun intended), of course, but that takes a lot of work and ingenuity.Frozen II had many wonderful highlights, but also its flaws, which ultimately divided the fan community — literally! However, one thing fascinated me from the start and that was the introduction of a completely new world in the Frozen universe, which is the main part of my plot in the novel. It's about the Northuldra (inspired by the real Sámi people) who live in an enchanted forest, along with the four nature spirits who are part of a greater whole: the deity Ahtohallan, guardian of all memories and source of Elsa's ice magic.

But this is precisely where the film's weaknesses lie, because unfortunately these remarkable people were given far too little time on the big screen, when they deserved so much more and an incredibly multi-layered potential would have opened up for Disney. As everyone knows, the team had negotiated with the Sámi Parliament in advance and received authorisation — on the condition that the Sámi were portrayed respectfully.

Apparently, however, much of this was too complicated for Disney to realise, especially when it came to customs, beliefs and myths. Ahtohallan in the film, for example, was something that was originally planned quite differently and — as far as I could tell from the concept art book "The Art of Frozen II" and the D+ documentary — was originally linked to Sámi shamanism, specifically their Noaidi.

The deleted scene of the originally planned prologue, for example, showed us a shapeshifter with reindeer antlers. This was presumably an old Sámi myth and the saga of a figure called Myandash. You can read this story online.

(Note: In my novel, Myandash was the model for Kolgrimr's father and I called the human Northuldra wife of the shapeshifter Gyda and made her the evil Noaidi).

What remained

The fact is that the Northuldra and their great role model, the Sámi, were very well received in the Frozen fandom, as can be seen from the countless fanart images, fanfictions, discussions and even the Elsamaren Ship (Elsa + Honeymaren). And not only there, the Sámi themselves also took a liking to Frozen II.

All of this and the actual, ultimately somewhat disappointing realisation in the film was hardly surprising to me, as this is, after all, a Disney film with a target audience that ranges from young children to the age of puberty, but at most to teenagers under the age of 18. What can you expect in terms of an in-depth plot?

This applies not only to the style, with sidekicks such as Olaf, Sven, Bruni and Gale, but above all to the plot and duration of the feature film. Many in fandom later said that Frozen II was told far too hastily and left far too many questions unanswered, especially about the main aspect, Elsa's powers. However, the entire Frozen franchise is all about Elsa's magic — right from the start. At its core, this is what has always fascinated fans about it and, of course, the characters of the royal sisters themselves.

It's a great pity that Disney didn't appreciate the older cinema audience — especially the Frozen fans among them — when producing the second part, but instead behaved as if it were a completely new audience of children. In the meantime, ten years have passed since the first instalment, six of them after the first, so there were already many loyal fans in their twenties who expected more and hoped for answers — something that Disney has unfortunately failed to give us to this day. Admittedly, a completely different approach was originally planned — as you can see from the deleted scenes and from the documentary on Disney Plus — far darker, more serious and actually aimed at older fans, just as Jennifer Lee had once promised to us. But in the end, everything was decided at Disney from the highest level, over the heads of the filmmakers, and thrown overboard. The logic, seriousness and complexity of the plot fell by the wayside in favour of a very young audience, who — as you could hear in the documentary on D+ — were not old enough to understand the movie. No wonder, when you show the test screening to five to twelve-year-old children and expect them to leave the theatre enthusiastic and completely satisfied without any further questions. The original plan was probably just too demanding.

How often has it happened that even adults didn't immediately understand a film and instead pondered it for weeks afterwards? That's what makes a good film. But to reset everything to zero immediately after the first screening test, to completely discard the originally planned plot and to put the entire film team in a difficult position to just make the deadline for an extensive and elaborate production within just a few months? For a film that normally takes three years to produce? No! This makes no sense at all and is only due to the greed to earn as much as possible at the cinema box office. Never mind the plot, the main thing is to make it family-friendly! What a pity!

In addition, the vision of the film makers was ignored. Ultimately, it hurt everyone involved, especially Jennifer Lee, who shortly afterwards was no longer a director and is now only available in an advisory capacity for the planned sequels. Honestly, I would have thrown in the towel myself after such treatment, which, at least judging by her presence on Twitter, she actually did. Presumably mainly because of the hate speech from toxic circles of the fan community that she was constantly confronted with there because of the end of Frozen II. None of us fans know the real reasons though — one day her account there was simply deleted.

But enough with my opinion on the film.

My vision

We have now arrived at the reason why I wrote "The Broken Bridge" primarily for older Frozen fans, the novel is even partly aimed at an adult readership from 18 years upwards. There are scenes with explicit language, violence and sex scenes, simply because the plot required a realistic, logical approach. But each chapter is specially labelled, at least in the chapter overview, and the most violent LBGT scene is even linked to a separate 18+ blog. So no one gets to read that unless the reader specifically follows the link.

Of course you can't please everyone, as one reader in particular showed me with his behaviour, who had commented on every chapter so far, but suddenly stopped from the part with "18+ content" onwards, presumably for reasons of age. I'm really sorry about that! On the other hand, I received statements on various platforms from readers who made it clear to me that I had not only hit the mark, but that their tastes had been fully satisfied and that they were simply delighted (for data protection reasons, I won't mention any names below).

Reader statements

On Discord: "Oh...that Frozen 3, the broken bridge novel right? I've read it all and it was EPIC. Well done." On Twitter/X: "I've been following your Frozen 3 Fanfiction since the beginning, and I love that the story is really believable and totally follows the universe of the two films, and that it could very well work as a 3rd film...I can't wait to read the next part !!" (Note: this was at the end of the third part of the story, after my hiatus in the fandom) On reddit, as a recommendation to other fans: "Greetings, I started reading an amazing story about Queen Anna and her sister Elsa some months ago. It's a long but terrific story. Tbh, This level of work and details in the narration is worth to be considered a sequel to Frozen2." On Tumblr to chapter 81: "This is a beautiful, genuinely remarkable closing for such a novel. ..... I truly enjoyed reading about Anna's wedding. It was like watching a short that Disney Animation should have given it to the fans years ago!" On Tumblr to chapter 66: "Goodness...what a chapter! In my mind I was thrown back and forth between Star Wars vs Robin Hood style fights! Yeahhh Elsa off to the monoliths? Get her power back! Go girl!Brave Anna! And what a loss for the Arendelle side. War is always such an unnecessary way.... but then... they fought for justice! Well done!" On Tumblr to chapter 43: "I love how you connect your stories with few official books, love to see 'A Perfect Night' from Elsa's pov, it looks like an official frozen book"

...and many more great comments from you readers, which have really motivated me immensely and encouraged me to keep writing. Some days I just couldn't stop!

Admittedly, I love the concept of cliffhangers, something that many other fanfic writers avoid in order not to keep their readers in suspense. So: sorry, my dear readers, you couldn't wait for the story to continue next week. But it turned out that I was able to maintain and even increase the suspense from chapter to chapter in this way.

Speaking of plot ... in my novel there are up to ten different storylines that intertwine, making the story very complex and exciting, and there is something for every reader that he/she particularly likes or has looked for in vain elsewhere in the Frozen universe. But ultimately, there's no accounting for taste.

Some people seem to have only picked out specific chapters. Unfortunately, this means that the coherent overall picture of the story falls by the wayside and my vision of a sequel to Frozen II escapes them completely in this way. But it's hard to tell who of the many followers on my fanfic blog has even read all the chapters if I don't get any likes or comments on them. I can only guess.

However, I have to admit that the novel wasn't completely planned out. They say there are two different types of writers, those who meticulously plan every detail from start to finish (plotters) and those who just start writing and only have a rough idea of the plot (pantsers). I count myself among the latter and write from the gut. However, I imagine every scene as if I were watching it in the cinema — with all kinds of details and make lots of notes on new ideas. So there was some rough planning. Sometimes it was the case that my characters themselves dictated the plot, I just had to follow them.You may remember that I write in my native language, German, and only translate everything later. I use DeepL online for this and my English-speaking beta reader HeinrichVSA corrects it afterwards where necessary. But what you probably don't know is that I wrote every single chapter on my smartphone during long train journeys. Until I was completely satisfied, I read through what I'd written again and again in the days that followed, adding scenes, rephrasing phrases and correcting anything I didn't like.

A large part of the story also required a lot of research on the internet, about everything I don't know much or anything about. I wanted to describe everything as realistically as possible and get the facts right.

This was especially true when it came to the Sámi people in the 19th century: their customs and traditions, their shamanism and beliefs, burial rituals and folk beliefs, clothing, crafts and dwellings, everything about reindeer herding, bear hunting and also about skalastet, or stick fighting. Incidentally, the idea of fighting with the Rope-Dart for Honeymaren comes from Asia, so it was added by me, and works exactly as described. I know everything about traditional archery from my own experience and also a little about bow making and crossbows.

I also had to do a lot of research on sailing ships of the 18th and 19th centuries. It's a tricky subject to portray properly and convey a credible feeling for it. For me, the topics were not only ship types and rigging from this era, but also the hierarchy and crew types. Basically everything about sailing itself on board such large ships, changing of watch, typical speeds and distances that could be travelled per day and which terms and commands were usually given on deck and by whom.

Warfare eventually became a topic for me as well, something not mentioned anywhere in the Frozen universe so far. HeinrichVSA was able to help me enormously with his profound historical knowledge and I had to find out what of my ideas worked and what did not. In these chapters I used methods from different eras and settings, including Asia and Ancient Europe. Even topics such as illnesses and healing methods from this period were important for a coherent description and so much more, right up to Norwegian wedding customs and also about signs of pregnancy in the middle of the 19th century, when there were no tests.

So what started out as a small idea has developed over the years into an enormously complex project with huge challenges, and more and more characters have been added.

My OC’s (my own characters)

Various roles had to be filled in the course of the story and since — apart from in comics — hardly any characters are mentioned who fulfil important tasks in the castle or accompany "the gang" on their adventures, I had to invent them. The more relevant a character became, the more important it was to research a suitable name for them ... and there were more and more. Depending on whether it was for someone in the city or among the Northuldra, I drew inspiration from Norse or Sámi names. Often I even researched the deeper meaning of the name, which matched the character's nature as closely as possible.

Of course, I also used almost all the well-known characters from the Frozen books and comics that were more or less relevant for the interaction with the main characters or who enriched the ambience.

The places in the story

Arendelle or the Northuldra camp were not enough, as I quickly realised the deeper I delved into the story. For some areas there was no description in the Frozen universe and the available official maps didn't give much information either. I therefore analysed the movies again and again and also consulted the many comics to get an idea of where the action takes place and what it looks like, feels like or how difficult the terrain was. I made up the rest with the help of logic and real places. Unfortunately, Disney has never told us which real country Weselton, Corona, Vakretta, Snoob and the many others correspond to. But as soon as I was relatively sure of an approximate position on the world map, I was able to research the real conditions of this country.

Small statistics on “The Broken Bridge”

My image edits: 40 plus 5 poster, 2 letters, 2 newspaper articles, 1 self-made map Fanart: 4 (1 unpublished) Storyline: Prologue, 81 chapters in 5 parts, epilogue and acknowledgements totalling almost 437,000 words (excluding acknowledgements) (about 1000 pages)

Very first novel title: "The Only Star", inspired by a sentence Anna sang during "The Next Right Thing": "The only star that guided me was you." Of course, I had her close connection to Elsa in mind. I later discussed final title ideas for my novel with HeinrichVSA, and in the end we had 43 different titles to choose from, with the subtitle "A post Frozen II Novel". As far as I remember, @annaofthenorthernlights confirmed our previous favourite title 'The Broken Bridge', in reference to the 5th Spirit and the bridge that connected Anna in Arendelle and Elsa in the Enchanted Forest. That was the final start for the publication on my fanfic blog.

Commissioned fanart images by HARU (@xlayers): 19 (12 unpublished), all with the maximum image width of 800 pixels. Title ideas for the chapters: mostly HeinrichVSA came up with them while correcting the texts, but of course a few were also my own ideas. It was always difficult to find a good title because the storylines in the chapters often overlapped.

Characters: 16 original characters 15 characters from Frozen books and comics 38 OC's (own characters) 23 locations

Plot period: for the main part (without flashbacks): over a month, followed at the end by 2x three months in chapter 81 and a few more weeks in the epilogue Embedded YouTube music titles: 287 Reboot of the novel with final title (June 25, 2021) as an epic dark AU novel on the fanfic blog: June 19, 2021. originally planned for 1 year with 52+ chapters.

In the last two months since the Acknowledgements were published, I have been working on the preparations for AO3. I had to rewrite the first chapter (prologue) a bit to make it fit the following plot, corrected and formatted everything in detail again, made changes here and there in the chapters and wrote down the links for the pictures — plus prepared comments. I very much hope that in the end everything will be as I imagine and hope it will be!

~~~

Invitation

I would like to invite my most loyal readers, who regularly left me their wonderful comments on every chapter, to discuss with us — my beta reader HeinrichVSA and me — on my newly founded Discord server, ask questions, share ideas and much more. As you know, I wrote a question mark after the words "The End" at the end of the novel. Maybe you would like to participate in a possible sequel? Who knows ...

Just send me a short message as a DM on my fanfic blog and I'll reply with a Discord invite link for you.

Thank you so much again for sticking with me until the end!

Your Bigfrozenfan

[geebeewrites]

Pinned Post - 2024 Update

★ Hello, I’m Gee and I’m currently looking for new roleplay partners. I’m 28 years old, I reside in Australia, and I’ve been roleplaying in various forms for over a decade now. I’m searching for new partners and plots at the moment so if you are interested in plotting, please feel free to either like this post or send me a direct message.

If you are interested in writing together and you don't already have a guidelines/rules post on your page (which is totally fine as I know that not everyone has a dedicated roleplay page), please send me some information about yourself as a roleplayer as well, so that we can see if we're compatible (e.g. your activity levels, any kinks/limits/triggers, average reply lengths, whether you use celeb fcs or a different type of fc etc.)

Before reaching out, please read the below to make sure that we’re compatible: 

♥ 21 + please! Even if we aren’t writing smut, most plots will involve mature themes so please, no minors.

♥ I write exclusively on Discord these days, however use Tumblr for initially finding a partner and making sure we’re compatible before moving things across to Discord.

♥ I’m currently only doing original character roleplaying as opposed to writing within any specific fandoms. I’m flexible in terms of pairings (mxm, mxf, nonbinary pairings), although mxm ships will always have a special place in my heart! I am happy to play any gender but that said, I don’t enjoy being used just to play male characters in mxf ships so please keep that in mind before reaching out.  

♥ I’m currently only looking for partners for the wanted plots on my page, however I’m super flexible in terms of plotting out the specific details and making sure that it’s something we’re both passionate about as this definitely isn’t a dictatorship. I particularly love slice of life, angst, and celebrity plots. I enjoy writing smut and mature themes but I love to make sure that each roleplay is also quite plot heavy and that we’re all getting the opportunity to develop our characters! I also love talking ooc, ploting, sharing headcanons and muse posts so that we can build an ooc friendship as well.

♥ I have a face claim directory on my blog so if there’s a particular face claim that really jumps out at you, please let me know! Each of the face claims on that directory have original characters that I've developed and pre-existing bios so some face claims are better suited to particular plots but that said, I am flexible in terms of changing the characteristics of my original characters to better suit plots if needed.

♥ Communication is key! I know that real life can get hectic sometimes. I personally work full-time and study part-time, however do consider myself a relatively active partner and I'm looking for active partners. Whilst I'm not expecting daily replies, I am definitely looking for partners that can manage a few replies per week (and although there is no pressure to match the length of my replies, I do please request a minimum of one paragraph with each reply; otherwise I can struggle to keep my muse). That said, it you aren't feeling a particular plot anymore or if things are happening in your real life that will delay replies, please just flick me a message - I promise that I'm not going to be upset! If I haven't received any in character or ooc for extended periods of time, that does impact my muse and it can come across as a lack of commitment/interest on the other person's part. I reserve the right to leave and/or delete servers if that is the case.

♥ Here are some links on my page that you might find helpful! Top 10 Most Wanted Plots | Other Wanted Plots | FC Directory 

If you’ve read through all of this and you think that we’re compatible, please like this post or send me a message so that we can get the ball rolling! 

[youareiron-andyouarestrong]

Answer the Questions and Tag 5 Fanfic Authors

tagged by @mosylufanfic, thank you friend!

1 . How did you get into writing fanfiction?

I think I had been telling myself stories in my head since I was old enough to think coherently, but it wasn't until I was in college that I realized that I could write those stories down, and actually put them in the world to be read by other people.

2. How many fandoms have you written in?

According to AO3, I have written in twenty-six fandoms, not counting whatever's lurking in my writing tag in my blog. The fandom I've written the most for is Rogue One.

3. How many years have you been writing fanfiction?

I started writing things to be read in the spring of 2013, so...eleven years. which is insane to think about.

4. Do you read or write more fanfiction?

I read a lot more, but I am trying to set aside dedicated time to write...at least once a week.

5. What is one way you’ve improved as a writer?

I think my phrasing has improved a lot. I love writing long, involved descriptions and worldbuilding, plus snappy banter, which is a thing I think I've gotten a lot better at in the last eleven years.

6. What’s the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

not weird per se, but I definitely looked up Indian wedding traditions for my Kanej mehndi fic and Punjabi names for children (also for a Kanej kid!fic), not to mention I tried to figure out how London neighborhoods work for a Lockwood & Co. fic (I still don't know).

7. What’s your favorite type of comment to receive on your work?

The fact that anyone comments at all is a fact that continues to blow my mind, but anyone who tells me that they loved a turn of phrase, a description, or that one particular sentence flowed/hit home/stuck with them? may they be blessed in their endeavors forever.

8. What’s the most fringe trope/topic you write about?

I wrote a Mad Max: Fury Road prompt/fic where all the characters had beast aspects/animal traits but they weren't were-animals, or something like that? Idk, I really wanted to write tiger!Max and lioness!Furiosa, so that's what I stuck with. 9. What is the hardest type of story for you to write?

Multi-chaptered!! It is so hard for me to sustain a continued story with an actual plot. my latest Lockwood & Co. piece, passed down like folksongs was the better part of a year's worth of labor, not to mention heroic beta-ing, and me going back and adding and rewriting and adding some more.

10. What is the easiest type?

Anything in media res, where I can just jump right in and get to the "good stuff," like the kissing or the action. Too often I get bogged down with the "how did we get here?" or "wait, they were against the wall, now they're on the floor? how did that happen?"

11. Where do you do your writing? What platform? When?

Google Docs is the most convenient, also for sharing purposes, though if a document is like, my thesis work, I'd probably use Microsoft or something more permanent. Someday I'll save up enough to get Scrivener...like a grown up.

12. What is something you’ve been too nervous/intimidated to write, but would love to write one day?

I really want to write a sprawling Lockwood & Co fic that's like, involved family trees and weird anecdotes about the Lockwood family, and how ghosts like exist in other places. I would also want to start introducing original characters in different works, but I'm always afraid they'll end up sounding too much like a self-insert. But I'll get there!

13. What made you choose your username?

I had just changed my tumblr handle, and I didn't want the bother of having to keep track of two usernames! so I borrowed a line from a tumblr poem that I admired: "youareiron_andyouarestron." it stuck, and that's been my name ever since.

tagging @dangerously-human, @cats-and-metersticks, @menina89, @linearao3, and @oneofthewednesdays, if they want to!

[bebx]

Sorry to bother you with this ask. I hope it's not inappropriate (you don't have to answer this if it makes you uncomfortable.)

To put things shortly: I like whump (and, among other things, you're a great wump writer and a nice person, which is why i turned to your ask box). I love hurt/comfort fics where the blorbos i ship go through hell and back only to fall (back) in each other's arms (and, yeah, I love a happy ending).

I've always thought that the *feels* I get come from me worrying about them, from how moved by their resilience I am and, of course, by how worried/protective/feral their partner gets (+ the comfort and reassurance that comes after). I saw it as a "normal" reader (or writer) experience to have such stories move your guts.

Only, recently, I've seen people talk about what they call their "whump awakening" aka the first time they felt "whumpflies", usually between the age 4 and 10. And I realised it happened to me as well.

I can't help to see in those "whumpflies" some kind of s3xual thing (or is it not? and is it something everyone experience to different levels?) and came to see myself as some kind of p3rv' who's been revelling in the suffering of other since a young age. Like what I thought came from my crying at how much they love each other/at how brave they are was just me craving for crude pain. What I thought was some normal reader experience (feel for the characters) was just me mind m4sturbating? I thought I cared and liked my ships and characters which made me feel the feels but was it all a smokescreen?

I do know I have a kink for loss of consciousness (as a fantasy only!!) but, although it may seem hypocritical since when i indulge in it, the scenarii leading to it are mostly whump, I always saw it as something different, definitely separated from my love for whump/hurt comfort (more like something to do with holding/releasing pressure, witnessing and allowing vulnerability).

I also realise that being on the ace spectrum this could be it: my entire s3xuality could only be watching people hurt???

I feel like i must precise that I do not wish to hurt anyone irl. (by the way, I don't especially feel like I want to hurt characters either, more like...put them in situations and be with them if it makes sense...but maybe it's all the same). And yes, I know it's perfectly ok to be into sm but I never really felt it was it?

Now I feel like my entire reality has been shattered. I have projects, fics in the makings, fics i'd like to read, but I'm afraid i'll never manage to do it again. I'm afraid all my assumptions are right and self disgust is all i'll ever be able to feel. I do not know if what I'm having is an panic attack for it's been more than a week now that i've been feeling like that and panic attacks are not supposed to be that long. I wanna scream, cry, stop thinking but i can't. All I manage to do is hold on to a pillow and keep breathing though not in a calm way. I can't sleep at night and i hardly manage to do it during the day.

I tried watching tv but keep thinkings of AU's ideas for fics I'm afraid i'll never be able to write again. Itried drawing but there's always a time i want to throw away the pen. I'm not working this week but i wouldn't manage to anyway. All I do is worry, scream internally, sob pathetically or eat - occasionally but probably too much at a time. I don't read my mails, only repeatedly reload me tumblr wall to see people post about ships and fandoms i crave to come back to but feel like i've lost (even a funny or innocently fluffy fanart doesn't seem to make my heart jump at this point) and it's tearing me down inside as it's such an important part of my life - of me!!

I am already taking pills to help with unrelated anxiety disorder so i can't just keep taking more! I live with my parents so I am not alone but how could i speak to them about it? I'd have to explain I write/read fic and make them understand how much it means to me. Then the part about s3x and my fears ...it's really difficult. I also have an appointment with my therapist next week so i probably should have waited instead of annoying you (which i am once again very sorry about) but this week has already been hell so the thought of waiting for another week was just too much. I am just so tired of being stressed and of hating me and of seeing no future

I just want things to go back to how they where but i can't seem to reconcile all those thoughts spiralling in my brain. I am lost and afraid. Imagining fics/plots has always been not only a joy and a passion but also a way to calm myself down and right now i can't do it and the thought of never being able to do it again is just killing me I...I'm sorry, i just wrote this all mess to you and wondering if with your knowledge and a calmer mind you could have any answer? advice? Experiences to share? i just had to write it down and reach out to someone for i felt like i might have exploded and I'm desperate enough to be annoying...

So thank you if you read it to this point and double thank you if you choose to answer, even if it's just to say you don't really know what to say!

Still wishing you a good day!!

hi, anon! so sorry you experience these feelings. firstly, I just wanted to let you know that you are not annoying me at all and that I deeply appreciate you thinking I’m a great writer who you trust enough to turn to with what’s been bothering you. secondly, your feelings — how you feel — are completely valid. I myself had my first “whump awakening” when I was at a very young age. I think it was when I was about 7 years old? I’m not entirely sure, but I was very young, and back then I didn’t know what it was called, only that I got these sense of euphoria whenever I imagined a scenario in which a character I liked, at that time, went through extreme physical pain, sustained severe injuries. I never told anyone about this, because I didn’t think they would understand. it wasn’t like I thought there was something “wrong” with me, but I did know that I was different than most of the kids my age, because most of them would react differently to the concept of, you know, pain and injuries (I didn’t know about the concept of whump back then.)

that being said, knowing what I know now, I don’t believe there’s anything wrong with liking whump. I’m actually glad to know that there’s a whole community (precisely on tumblr) here where people who are into whump can talk about their experiences, their enjoyment, their whump awakening or even their own creations whether it be in terms of writing and/or drawing, etc. and I’m happy to know there are actually so many people who are also into whump.

now you mentioned you were recently convinced that whump is a sexual thing. I mean, to be honest, whump can be a sexual thing for some people (keywords; for some people, not everyone who enjoys whump sees whump as anything sexual-related at all) within the community. I mean, since there are so many people in this community, of course, some may be enjoying whump for sexual purpose, and that is not a bad thing either (as long as no one in real life is hurt or harmed in any way, of course).

from how I see it, it’s mostly people who aren’t in the whump community — aka people who don’t understand the concept of whump and think we are “red flags” for liking pain and suffering that are strictly fantasy / fictional — who tend to say “people who are enjoying whump are enjoying it because they’re perverts” which is not. true. at. all.

(sure, whump can be a sexual thing — a kink — for some people within the community. because whump is a fantasy, and there is no “wrong” way for one to enjoy the fantasy they creat in their minds and sometimes bring to life in the forms of writing and/or drawing. again, as long as no one in real life is hurt or harmed. so even if you — general you — enjoy whump because it’s your kink, it still doesn’t make you a pervert.)

I mean people can enjoy whump for entirely different reasons. some enjoy whump because for them whump is their kink. some use whump as a way to cope and recover from their trauma (whether or not it’s sexual). some just enjoy whump because they just like whump in a way that’s not sexual-related at all. for what it’s worth, I’ve actually seen a lot of people in the whump community who are asexual.

so what I’m saying is, different people enjoy whump for different reasons, and they all are valid.

if you’re asexual and you enjoy whump = you are completely valid.

if you (general you) enjoy whump because it’s a kink to you = you are completely valid.

if you enjoy whump because it’s your way of coping with your trauma = you are completely valid.

if you enjoy whump because you like it when your blorbos find their way back in earth other’s arms or when they’re taken care of after the pain they were put through (aka the comfort that comes after) = you are completely valid.

or if you enjoy whump where it’s “hurt no comfort” because you just like it when your blorbo goes through hell = you are completely valid.

as long as you’re not hurting anyone in real life, your reasoning in regards of your enjoyment of whump is valid. you are valid.

being in a fandom should always be about the joy and the fun of being in a fandom, because fandom is supposed to be your getaway from reality where you can just enjoy whatever you enjoy. it should always be your safe place. though I do understand that, while in a fandom, you’ll most likely come across things you’re not comfortable with or things that upset you. my best advice is to ignore these things (block and mute as freely as you like) and only focus your time and energy on things that bring you joy.

don’t let other people’s opinions take that joy away from you.

if there’re fics you want to read, read them and enjoy them unapologetically. and if at any point you feel like they’re not for you, you can simply close the tabs and move on to other fics you feel like checking out.

if you have ideas for fics about your blorbos you want to write, write them unapologetically. if you want to draw some whump art about your blorbo, draw them unapologetically. there will always be people who enjoy the same thing you do (maybe even for the same reason) who will appreciate your talent. or even if you don’t feel like posting/publishing them on the internet — for any reason at all — and just want to keep them only to yourself, that is entirely okay too.

because the most important thing is, when you write a fic or draw a fanart (or even when you read something), it should be for you. not anyone else.

how you enjoy a fandom, how you enjoy whump, should be about you and only you.

you don’t have to speak to anyone about it if you’re not ready or if you don’t feel comfortable talking to them about it. at the end of the day, you don’t owe them anything. because whump is not something you have to explain to your friends or family, it’s your personal getaway and you don’t have to explain anything to anyone if you don’t want to.

though I recall you mentioned that you were seeing your therapist next week. if you feel comfortable talking to them about it, I think it might help make you feel better. because your therapist would most likely have a better answer for you.

last but not least, I wanted to remind you that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. your mind is lying to you about all these unpleasant thoughts you have about yourself. I know how hard that can be, how real and convincing these thoughts can sound. because I’d been there. but the bottom line is that no matter how terrible these feelings get, they are lying to you. and there is absolutely nothing wrong or abnormal about your enjoyment of whump, of your blorbos. you are definitely not a “pervert” for being in a fandom or for enjoying whump, no matter what other people might say. because how can one be a pervert for finding their safe place in fictional things that don’t hurt anybody in real life at all?

I’m not sure if this is the answer you were looking for, but I hope it helped at least a little. and I hope you can get back to fully enjoying what you enjoyed soon. but most importantly, I hope you feel better soon. a little reminder that your mental health is the priority here. I’m sending my love your way, always. ♡

[seventeenlovesthree]

Yeah so your dynamic shipping game? I know I say Takeru and Hikari a lot because I always want to know others perception of them.

Another one I am very curious about is Koushirou and Mimi. Because Tri just worked for them.

But if you mean non common ships I have been curious about Yamato and Mimi. I get the whole they look good together vibe especially in illustrations, but personality wise they don’t really mesh up well in my opinion. Maybe you’ll find something good out of it?

Anyways thank you for reading this. Even if you do one review I would appreciate it. Thank you!

Hello there! Thank you for sending me this, I still have all the other rarepairs in my queue and want to work on them, since I always enjoy to have some thought experiments here and there.

Since my stance on Takari hasn't really changed ever since writing my first analysis post, I hope it's okay if I'm not gonna repeat this one.

However, the other two (namely Koumi and Mimato) are definitely more interesting to write about, for very different reasons each:

Digimon Shipping Dynamic Game:

Send me two names among the following 12 and I’ll write a short analysis post about them:

Taichi Yagami | Yamato Ishida | Sora Takenouchi | Koushirou Izumi | Mimi Tachikawa | Jyou Kidou | Takeru Takaishi | Hikari Yagami | Daisuke Motomiya | Miyako Inoue | Iori Hida | Ken Ichijouji

Whether canon provides input on them or not:

Since I've already written a huge tumblr breaking analysis on what does and does not work about them, you can bet that canon provides a whole lot of input about them. I will try to keep this section as brief as possible regardless:

You have their initial set-up, which appears to be your typical "opposites/beauty and the nerd" tropes at first glance - and while they do fulfill their stereotypes to at least some degree at various parts of the series, they also frequently defy them. They're the same age and also classmates, making them one of the few characters who have known each other (very superficially) even before the events of Adventure - and they start off rather roughly. While both of them are portrayed as oddballs in their own ways (enjoying questionable food combinations, being very focused on the things they're interested in, etc.), they have very different priority systems. Basically, whenever these two are the focus in an episode (namely the infamous episode 10 of Adventure), a scene (namely their interactions in "Diablomon Strikes Back) or a plot-point (namely their interactions throughout the first four Tri movies), it's usually about them having to come to terms with their different approach systems:

Koushirou is the rational type, who focuses on solving a problem by going through the entire PDCA cycle, trying to figure out each and every puzzle piece and gather all information to come to a conclusion. Mimi's judgement is based more on emotions, feelings and instinct, she likes to skip the first three steps of the PDCA cycle and does what she thinks is best for everyone - and that's where these two tend to clash. While Koushirou absolutely can be a hands-on person who jumps into action when necessary, he has a hard time understanding Mimi's reasoning sometimes, especially when she demands him to take her/other people's feelings into account. They do have very different energy levels in that regard - which, on the other hand, is also what makes their DSB interactions so entertaining to watch, as she is just very happy to be back in Japan, wanting his attention (extroverted dominance), while he's absolutely done trying to save the world once again (introverted exhaustion).

While their fights can turn out to be rather exhausting whenever they're not able to communicate well and also whenever they cannot admit that the other may have had a point (especially in Tri), they do work best once they actually reconcile and combine their strengths; whether it's when he is leaving his laptop behind (once) to tear down a wall to save her, admitting that acting is better than thinking sometimes (episode 10), when she praises his skills and achievements up to the point of them even working on her online shop together (Tri + Kizuna/To Sora), or when he leaves his laptop at home once again after being told to do so by her, just to come to the conclusion that this helped him to actually think about what he wants to do in the future (Stageplay).

There is a reason why they're among the most popular ships in the Digimon fandom world-wide due to their interesting dynamics (see here and here). So much so that there was even an audio drama explicitly functioning as fanservice, making Koushirou write a love letter to someone and having Mimi be rather infuriated by the idea that it was for Hikari instead of herself. While instances like this (and DSB) formed the preferred fandom headcanon of Mimi having a crush on Koushirou, Tri canonized him having developed a crush on her instead - even though said crush was rather treated in a comic relief manner without serving a development trigger in either of their arcs, as the main focus had been, once again, them having very different view-points instead.

Long story short - there is A LOT to work with. Even though I have to say that, in my opinion, Tri did not really work for them. The recycled conflict between them (rational vs. emotional) could have been great if it had been intertwined in their respective arcs (self-isolation vs. selfishness), but was NEVER properly resolved. The crush never led to anything but fanservice (while also reducing Koushirou's character to that in a "they had to dumb him down so he couldn't figure out the plot immediately" way). I actually prefer their portrayal in the stageplay (as well as in Kizuna/To Sora), which is why I chose the screenshot above - but let me elaborate on that...

Whether I think why and how they’d work:

The "opposites attract trope", if done right, can be a very appealing one - and, as mentioned, it explains why these two are as popular as a romantic ship as they are. As mentioned above, I do prefer their portrayal in the stageplay as opposed to Tri; while their personalities were still very much on opposing ends, there was a lot more familiarity and closeness between them, which could have been the natural development after they had started to come to terms with their "differences" after episode 10 of Adventure, throughout 02 and up to this point. Mimi scolding Koushirou for relying on his laptop too much is met with him seeming rather helpless, exhausted by her attitude at first - however, instead of just acting obediently and leaving his laptop at home to please her, he uses that twice: Once by teasing her, pretending to have withdrawal symptoms and scaring her in the process, ACTUALLY joking around intentionally and playfully for once! Secondly, he actually talks about his own dreams, feeling inspired by her and indirectly thanking her for that (the crush does not seem to exist at this point btw). And that is a mutual point for them, as Mimi also confesses to Sora that, while she's currently not crushing on anyone, she also feels inspired by Koushirou to maybe do "something with computers" in the future (which, as we know, will actually happen by the time of Kizuna).

And that is what, as mentioned above, could be their greatest strength as a romantic couple. They're AWARE of their different energy levels and, after all these years, they've started to gain an understanding of the other's needs in terms of emotional and mental affection. At least they SHOULD BE. Instead, Tri implied that Koushirou suddenly started to get interested in fashion JUST for the sake of impressing Mimi - which is not what his character is about at all and misunderstood his entire arc of accepting himself the way he is. Having him bend over backwards to impress the person he fell in love with, hiding behind an app to tell him how to dress, would always result in him never opening up - sure, he's been able to stand his ground against her, but that only resulted in them shouting at each other in Tri, unable to really understand each other. And Tri COULD have used that to make Mimi comment on how it didn't matter what he wore as long as he felt comfortable with it. Because - again, they're both weird in their own ways and wouldn't be themselves if they changed for the sake of someone else. But that conclusion was never reached.

In an ideal world, I feel like they could just have naturally progressed from 02 to the Stageplay to Kizuna/To Sora; with Koushirou becoming more aware and considerate towards Mimi needing attention and affection and Mimi learning that there are times when Koushirou needs to be left to solve his riddles, with words of encouragement in between. The Kizuna promo art of her looking absolutely amazed at whatever he had managed to make out of her online shop while he beams at her with fondness and pride is how I could see them working out just fine. Sure, there would be moments of them clashing again - but they'd be able to deal with that without him turning into an obedient puppy or her turning into an enraged harpy. There can be a sense of protectiveness and gentleness between them, learning from and complementing each other without actively trying to CHANGE the other, enjoying each other's company as well as spending time apart, as long as they have something to gush over together (whether that's online shops, food, their friends - or, like in the reboot, the actual fact that Mimi's grandfather is the manufacturer of Koushirou's tablet. The potential of them actually having business-related rambles is just too good to pass on).

Whether I’d prefer them as platonic or romantic ship:

Alright, enough rambles - throughout all this time spent analyzing their romantic potential, I have actually grown more fond of them as a couple. Despite that, I still prefer them as platonic business friends, since I primarily ship each of them with other characters. Still, I love the idea of them growing more and more close and familiar through the years (which is basically canon at this point anyway), teasing and praising each other, making jokes, gossiping over their friends, etc. (Though I would actually like to see them in an OT3 with Taichi - because in my opinion, both Mimi and Taichi care deeply about Koushirou and he'd be such a wonderful bisexual disaster around them. Plus, I thoroughly despise certain fandom depictions of Michi cheating on Koushirou with each other, because that couldn't be further from their actual personalities.)

ALRIGHT, NEXT.

Digimon Shipping Dynamic Game:

Send me two names among the following 12 and I’ll write a short analysis post about them:

Taichi Yagami | Yamato Ishida | Sora Takenouchi | Koushirou Izumi | Mimi Tachikawa | Jyou Kidou | Takeru Takaishi | Hikari Yagami | Daisuke Motomiya | Miyako Inoue | Iori Hida | Ken Ichijouji

Whether canon provides input on them or not:

Depending on what you want to look at: There isn't much. While you referred to them as "non common ship", I do believe there is quite a fanbase for them out there. However, I'm inclined to agree that it is mainly based on two factors: Both of them being highly attractive characters and the potential they could have due to their personalities (and the tropes they represent).

Throughout Adventure 01 and 02, I actually cannot remember any significant interactions these two had with each other; Yamato starts off having a hard time approaching the others, he's not exactly closed off or aloof, but is mainly focused on taking care of Takeru. Him ACTIVELY bonding with others happens very rarely, so when he's not contemplating things (sometimes together with Jyou), or argues or fights with and alongside Taichi, he doesn't really have any capacities to interact with Mimi - who, in turn, is more likely to play around with Takeru or spend time with Sora or Jyou. At first glance, Yamato is the classic introvert to Mimi being an extrovert, which is not only displayed by their colour palettes being VERY different (warm shades of red and pink vs. cold shades of green and blue), but also by their energy levels. While they're both very outspoken and opinionated - they never talk to each other in either 01 and 02. In the novel, there are even several instances of their energy levels and approaches being that different that they actually clash with each other, actively fighting.

Thus, figuring out their dynamics is rather difficult - there are just minor instances (and characteristics) that COULD make them rather interesting; one of the most famous moments in 01 is the way Yamato tells Taichi off, demanding him to give them - and Mimi in particular - time and space to mourn the loss of the Digimon that have already died, implying that he's sympathizing with her. Yamato has definitely experienced loss in his life already after the divorce of his parents and still struggles with feeling inadequate as a brother to Takeru - while Mimi comes from one of the happiest, most peaceful families in the series. Her purity, her sense of wanting to achieve peace without sacrifices almost appears as a stark contrast to Yamato's "corruption" later on; when he demands Taichi to fight him, trying to solve things in a rather violent way, it's almost a shame that someone like Mimi is not able to stop him there and then (since deep down inside, he doesn't want to fight either). And that's where I assume fandom likes to step in using their personalities to form headcanons:

Mimi being a positive influence, a genuine force of sincerity to (literally) pull Yamato out of his (more negative) tendencies, helping him to be more honest with himself as well - almost in an actual "Beauty and the Beast" kind of way. Neither Tri or Kizuna really elaborated on their dynamics - but the former did like to imply that they are indeed opposing forces, twice; the situation depicted above shows the group coming together after Mimi had another fight with Koushirou. Meiko feels like a burden, since she was the reason Mimi and Koushirou clashed in the first place, as he tried to interrogate her in a moment of emotional vulnerability, while Mimi called him out for being insensitive. Yamato voices his concern towards Meiko, telling her to stop worrying them - and both Taichi and Sora step in, saying that Yamato was just genuinely worried about her, to which Mimi tries to call him a "Tsundere". He just deflects by telling her that she cannot speak proper Japanese and that she's just making things more complicated (because she refuses to take a step towards Koushirou at this point). The other instance is within the stageplay - where Yamato tells Mimi to stay away from his cooking, fearing that her extravagant tastes (bananas and fish) may ruin the dish...

Long story short - they don't appear to be very compatible as friends canonically. So, again, that's where headcanons have to step in.

Whether I think why and how they’d work:

As mentioned above, due to their contrasting set-ups, family backgrounds and way of attraction, there is an appeal that may make them quite popular in singular online spaces. Mimi is a natural people-magnet due to her openness and tendency to become the center of attention very quickly, she easily befriends everyone around her (even if some may find her controversial, as depicted in Tri) and tries to spread a positive spirit. Whereas Yamato, despite being a band leader (that is also very popular), is indeed more closed-off, with a very selective group of friends he is very committed to and protective of (maybe even possessive to some degree, as you can imagine he is not good at dealing with losses). From an outside view, they almost have that "idol-like vibe" that makes them very attractive - so it's no surprise fandom sees them as an intriguing and compelling combination to end up together. Due to them being as opinionated as they are, they may clash a lot - but similarly to Koumi, that COULD be also a strength, as it is important for characters like Yamato to ACTUALLY speak their mind without hiding behind a mask. Plus, Yamato needs someone he can truly be vulnerable around with, because he's a lot softer (and awkward) than his facade would make you believe at first glance. The question is - would he be able to let loose around Mimi like that? It's very hard to tell, because unlike with Koumi, we don't really know if she understands how he rolls. Sure, she can see that he has VERY Tsundere-like tendencies, tough shell, soft and caring on the inside - but up to this point, they're not close (or even comfortable) enough for him to not deny that rather aggressively (especially because Taichi and Sora were actually a lot quicker to pick that up - which is no surprise either, because they're canonically closer to him). So it feels more like they'd be prone to fight for dominance than being able to take a step towards each other (even more strongly than Koumi, because Mimato may take disagreement as a personal attack and can't even seem to bond over their passion for cooking together at this point in time).

Mimi, on the other hand, also needs someone who can keep up with her - people like Jyou and Koushirou, as we've seen, should be used to her habits already, but it is very difficult to tell whether Yamato would have the energy and patience to deal with her, giving her the assurance and attention she needs.

Long story short, the potential is there due to their personalities, but we never learn if and how they'd be able to interact on a closer level.

Whether I’d prefer them as platonic or romantic ship:

Admittedly, they're a relationship I have pretty much no attachment to, simply due to the fact that canon never gave me a reason to believe that they'd think of each other as "close friends", let alone "romantic partners". As they're both Chosen Children, they would surely protect and fight for each other, no question - but everything beyond that never gave me positive vibes. Which is actually a shame, because they're both (potentially) good with Jyou and Takeru, Team Hope exists for a reason after all (and I even ship both Mimi and Yamato with Jyou, yet I couldn't imagine them being an actual OT3). Heck, they're also both (supposedly) very close to Sora, yet they never had a group moment together. Even in the reboot, they were mainly just arguing and never had a positively reaffirming moment together. So I must say, I rather think of them as acquaintances than anything else.

[semperama]

hi erin i was wondering if you had any advice for how to deal with not getting any comments on a fic. i'm in a pretty small fandom and i get the same (small) amount of kudos as many other writers there. but i recently posted a pretty personal fic that i worked extremely hard on for months, so hopeful that it might resonate with people, and now i just feel crushed. i'm working on new fics but I keep thinking that I’m probably only setting myself up for more disappointment ;(( any thoughts? ty <3

Hi, anon! I'm sorry to hear you feel like your hard work has gone unnoticed. That's such an awful feeling. I can't say I'm an expert, because I haven't been in a fandom small enough that it was normal to get no comments, but I do know what it's like to work hard on something and be disappointed by the response. I have a few things that might help.

If you can, I really recommend trying to make friends in your fandom. Especially in small fandoms, it can be such a lifesaver in terms of getting feedback and keeping your motivation. A good keysmash in the comments of a Google Doc can be just as satisfying as a dozen comments on AO3. Finding someone you trust to beta read your fic, or to bounce ideas off of, is a good idea in ANY fandom, but it can be especially helpful in small fandoms to keep from feeling like you're shouting into the void. And make sure you're giving back to others as well! Leave some comments on other people's fic! Follow them on tumblr and hype up their projects! Do whatever you can to tap into the community that is there.

I hate to say it, but part of it really is adjusting your expectations. If everyone in the fandom gets a handful of kudos at most, then you need to go into writing for that fandom with your eyes wide open, knowing that even if you pour your blood, sweat, and tears into something, all you can expect is that same handful of kudos. That says nothing about you as a writer. You could write an absolute masterpiece, and if there are only 10 people interested in that subject, you're only going to get 10 people to read it. And that's okay! That doesn't mean you've failed in any way, and you should still be proud of your accomplishments. But you can't get blood from a stone, you know? If the audience isn't there, it isn't there. In a way, that can be freeing though. The problem with large audiences can be the expectation of a huge response every time and feeling like you failed if you don't get it. In very small fandoms, at least you know the lack of response is due to the lack of people, not something you did wrong!

Related to the previous point, if you're going to be writing for a fandom where getting lots of (or any) comments isn't the norm, then you should try to find a way to measure success for yourself that doesn't have to do with comments. That often just means writing something you are proud of and you enjoy reading. Especially in the case where you're writing about subjects that are personal to you, make sure you take the time to appreciate the catharsis it brings you. Pat yourself on the back for how you're improving your writing skills by getting in touch with your own emotions and experiences and turning them into stories. Those things aren't useless if they don't reach a huge audience. You are improving yourself by doing it!

All that being said, if it really is a super duper tiny fandom and there's no community to get involved with and you don't think you'll ever be happy writing for mostly yourself, I do honestly think there's a time when you have to ask yourself if you need to move on. I personally suck at writing for myself. If no one's going to read it, I don't want to write it, haha. In the past when fandoms have died or my friends have left, I've jumped ship too, because I need the community aspect. Fandom isn't fun for me without it. Everyone's different though! I've known people who are happier writing for fandoms so rare no one else is writing for them. It just comes down to both your tolerance for the lack of feedback and how much you feel compelled by this particular fandom.

Anyway, sorry I got so long-winded and I'm sorry if none of that is helpful! I hope you can glean something from it at least, and I hope you are able to feel proud of yourself for finishing a personal fic, which is SO hard to do, even if it didn't get the response you were hoping for. <33

[writingonesdreams]

Year in review 2022

2022 has been an incredibly productive year for me. So much happened, progressed and changed in just one little year, I almost don't recognize myself.

At the beginning of 2022 I was an insecure and unsure student, worried about finishing her bachelor in just one more year, worried about the possibilities, about leaving the safety of my beloved faculty and having to look for a job out there in the real world, where everything worked differently.

I was worried about starting offline classes again after Covid, after 2 years in blissful setting at home that I really liked. Dicussions, homework and classes all nicely done from home, no annoying travelling and lots of time with my family, those were the 2 best years of my life. Until now.

In 2022 summer semester I got my first job at uni as tutor that I really enjoyed.

I started my course for writing mentoring at the uni as part of an extracuricular activity, met the best teacher there, learned a bunch of new stuff about writing and started my research project in writing sciences.

I made 3 new close offline friends and my first ones at the university. 3 awesome girls that study things I considered studying myself, who are super sweet and philosophical, smart and thoughtful and hardworking. It took a year, but I'm finding out we are agreeing more and more on stuff that matters and that's gratifying.

I got my new job as writing assistant at the university in September 2022 and it was a giant jump from that. Proper 10 hours a week, a work collective for the first time, advising students, holding classes and advice sessions of my own in academic setting, organizing my time around classes...incredible work skill progress.

I can see my future in academic setting now. I can see myself finishing BA, MA and then going for PhD, in topics I love, holding classes, publishing articles and being happy.

Now I'm excited about finishing my BA this February and starting my master's degree, about continuing as an univeristy assistant until I can start working as PhD. About being more active, joining conferences, travelling, doing a semester in foreign country altogether. I'm so excited about the future and so happy everyday.

I finished my BA thesis this Christmas, 2 months before the official deadline so I can sign up for Master classes on time. It's been such a beautiful experience. I read incredible books for it, my knowledge grew to the sky, my view of studying popular culture and literature totally updated and progresses, changing my world of the world and life.

I was worried how difficult my BA thesis would be to write and what quality I managed as a assistant myself, but the progress was enjoyable and I'm proud of the result. The first feedbacks have been very positive.

I have grown more bold, outspoken, more oriented in what I want and care about and want to accomplish.

I finished my first novella, Tears of Iron, in 2022. It needs some editing and a wrap up chapter, but I still never wrote so much consistently in one project, never shown it to an editor before, never had betareaders looking at it. Big shoutout and thank you to @avrablake who keeps giving me comments, thoughts and tips that are incredibly helpful, joyful and encouraging. I'm very grateful.

I also want to thank @myhusbandsasemni for being an amazing friend who really helped me out and supported me in hard times.

Overall I want to thank you guys who stuck around, who witnessed what happened and stayed on my side, didn't blame me, or turned your backs on me against bullying and attacking of such a degree. Lots of my close friends jumped the vagon and joined in the hate-blame wave to look cool, hence my break from tumblr that taught me as much as my presence did. But my win lies in not shutting down, in not staying silent, and moving on from the wrong people.

You are going to see what you are looking for, and if what you look for is negativity, unfairness and power structures, no matter what is there and gonna blame people for seeing something different, well, then we can't be friends and I'm sorry there isn't a way to tell this apart before a crisis happens. Perspective depends on the reader (Cawalti/Berger/Storey)

Anyway. Up into a new year, learning and shaking off the bad, focusing on the good and making progress in goals, knowledge and dreams.

[ctrl-shift-esc]

Flowers Need Time to Bloom

Monday, August 14 2023. 10:01 pm I'm at home, in my pjs, sitting on my patio. I've got slow piano ballades playing in the background & I'm surrounded by my battery operated candles. They light the mood quite nicely. Can I just rant or slightly complain about my ever chatty brain? in the midst between brain fog and forgetfulness, I'm sometimes met with the just-as-frustrating opposite - restlessness! So tonight I chose to turn my phone off! It was one of those nights. I needed the space to allow myself a solid evening to disconnect. I find it hard to disconnect when my notifications keep going off - even if I silenced my ringer; having the ability to (& knowledge of) makes it hard for me to willingly avoid checking in. So phone off it is.

No notifications; I sat outside on my rarely used patio to read. Oddly enough, whenever I feel like my brain's been operating at full capacity; watching tv becomes part of the problem. I think we call this state of mind - overstimulated. It's an unshakeable feeling of urgency - when in reality you don't have anywhere to be. A little like the unnerved feeling you forgot something when leaving the house. It's unsettling, uncomfortable and makes you feel like you can't quite calm your antsy brain down. Your thoughts are running a million miles per minute. You're endlessly making mental lists of all the things you should do, have to do, and want to do (none of which have anything to do with one another).

ONE THING AT A TIME! I try to remind myself.... (Doesn't overly change much though)... As I'm reading about self-sabotage and how to overcome, I'm finding myself overthinking on all the endeavours I have my eyes and heart set on. I'm catching myself re-reading the same paragraph over and over because I'm not retaining any information.

I'd like to write a book. I've said I've wanted to write a book since I was 17 years old. In fact I had started one but as I wrote the first 5 pages I got confused as to how I would separate the topics into chapters and/or how to jump from one idea to the next. I basically, didn't know what I was doing. This is how I decide to start my blog. I figured; writing shorter, more accurate play-by-plays of my life, would give me the practise & confidence I eventually would need, to take on an entire book. Here we are, close to 10 years later, still slightly confused as to how I'm going to tackle the process, but I'm ready. My skills, my mindset & my philosophies are ready. Why am I blabbing on Tumblr right now, instead of reading my self-sabotage book? Well first off; like I said, my mind won't shut up. I've always said to put pen to paper when that happens. Purge the mind, by writing it all down. Get it out. So I'm getting it all out... I also figured, I haven't written a blog-post in god knows how long.... So what the heck - kill two birds with one stone (someone really needs to find a better, less gnarly expression...) But here I am, writing. Writing everything and anything that's been trolling my mind.

Here's another thing; I've been thinking and researching the processes of starting different businesses lately. industries ranging from real-estate development, investment, flipping, finance & wealth building, e-commerce, retail and more. The more I've been digging the more I'm realizing I know very little about a lot! I'm feeling oddly claustrophobic when facing this reality. Like I'm just this tiny human in this big ass world I know barely anything about. The vastness of the world's information and the ease of access we now have to it all, is utterly overwhelming to me. I feel such a pressure to reach for it all and soak it all in. The thought of me not being able to know everything there needs to be known about a subject - stresses me right out!

Weird! I KNOW! But, umm, Reality Check Veronica! EARTH TO VERONICA. Yes we live in a blackhole of information - no you don't know everything. You can't know everything and you won't ever know everything... ( The sound of a thought process I don't overly want to jam with. Hence the unshakable sense of urgency...)

So now what? What do I do with the the knowledge that I in fact don't know very much at all !?

Here's a fun idea; I'll start working on my book. Without a clue where to start - I'm just going to start and I'm going to keep learning I guess. And forever will be.

I'll leave you with this thought: What if our purpose on this earth and in this world is to learn? To merely get wiser as the minutes, hours and years go by? What if our entire human premise, is to be humble enough to admit we know nothing at all and curious enough to dig for answers? And then? Compassionate enough to share the experience with loved ones. Now if only we can learn to relax and ease into the process of learning. If we could only learn to love the journey, grow by grace. and on that I will continue to work on easing into the unknown amid the chaos of my mind & the world around me.

I wish for you the same <3

[wwraithsart]

Process gif! Also more about what each part means:

Gonna go left to right:

The color chips on the left side are power, luck, and mobility. I think if Gale were to have a palette the two most common colors would be power and luck, but mobility is also there because it fit. Power because that's the kind of person Gale is, doing something over and over again and powering through it until it turns out right. Luck because she's generally a pretty lucky person, given how often she dives into things headfirst lol. And mobility because she is constantly moving (on, upwards, forwards, etc).

The drizzling capriccioso in the corner is a deliberate reference to the cruel sisyphean floor lol. Maybe there's a chip you need to complete a collection, or its just your best choice and you can't reroll the floors, and it's on that floor. You hate it but you kinda gotta do it, similar to how Gale as a player has to do stuff she hates for her own good (like trying new playstyles and really sucking at them. She hates losing but it'll be better for her in the long run, as a player and a person).

Gale themself is standing in front of the elevator of a 11-19 floor (in other words, just starting that level), a nod to them moving to Splatsville & starting anew.

I think Gale would really like portal levels. Throwing yourself at waves of enemies and hoping you're leveled up enough to survive it (or just flexing how leveled up you are) is very much up their alley.

Then, on Mags' side: the target balloon is a reference to the ROTM level 'Easy Ride, Tricky Targets,' which Mags would like a lot. Anything that's aim-intensive, he'd be into (furthermore, the balloon overlapping its box is meant to parallel the portal on Gale's side overlapping its box).

The tentakook from the 'Don't Tease With Keys' level is there for the same reason (specifically when played with the splatterscope).

The torpedo from Big Man's boss fight is there as a nod to Big Man being Mags' favorite Deep Cut member lol.

On top of that, that box with a nod to a non-final boss parallels Gale's side having a non-final boss (Asynchronous Rondo).

In his picture, Mags is in the Deadly Dance Hall-- Jump, Jump! level. In that level you don't get to keep your weapon, it's just you, so you're relying entirely on yourself & your skills, which is how Mags feels sometimes (even when its not necessarily true). Generally it represents a feeling of vulnerability.

Lastly, the golden egg on the bottom is a reference to the eggs you use in the final boss fight, but is also a nod to Mags being a salmon runner.

The entire piece is diagonally split with the left half being Gale/Side Order, and the right half being Mags/Return of the Mammalians. Top to bottom, Gale's side shows early game to late game, while Mags' is the opposite (an exception for the target balloon and the tentatook-- the former is from 4-8 and the latter is from 6-11, so they're technically out of order. I had to do it to make the composition work lol).

I started this piece March 16th, for reference of how long it took (finishing April 3rd). To be fair, a lot of school stuff got in the way & there were times I only worked on it for 10 mins that day. Here's what one of the early sketches looked like. You can see on the far right I had plans for more complex portraits, but I scrapped the idea (I wrote, "might be biting off more than I can chew"). Other notable scrapped ideas were having Gale use the Luna blaster and using a different brush to outline each box. In one of the earlier progress pics you can also see I'd planned on drawing the Spirit Lifter portion of the end instead of Big Man's torpedo.

If you got this far, thank you for reading! I hope it makes sense.

edit: since tumblr compressed the gif, heres some stills of the earlier progress pics

Gale and Mags if they were agents

Alt ver w/ color noise:

I like how a subtle noise filter looks but I worry I might've been too much. heres the ver with the noise anyway

[whatgaviiformes]

Fic: Tracy Seaside Orchard and Farm - Part 12

(Yes, I turned my Sims4 screenshot into the banner)

Summary: Alternate Universe. Gordon is a farmer. And he seems to have nothing to do with International Rescue. Now on AO3!   Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Family. 

We are getting into some history now. Got your theories?

**Warnings will be need to be updated in the next chapter, but forewarning that they are coming and this chapter does lead directly into the heaviest section of this story**

New to this fic? Please be aware for this story that parts are posted in sections here on tumblr before I upload the chapter to Ao3. Chapter 5 has been updated on Ao3 and will bring you to caught up. Chapter 6 is long enough on its own, so here ya go:

Prologue here Chapter 1: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Ao3 Chapter 2: Part 4 | Part 5  | AO3 Chapter 3: Part 6  | Part 7 |  Ao3 Chapter 4: Part 8 | Part 9 | Ao3 Chapter 5: Part 10 | Part 11  | Ao3 Chapter 6 Part 12 (you are here) | Ao3

A/N: I’ve had this chapter ready for a week... full disclosure, getting nervous now. I hope you enjoy.  Also - tumblr has been doing some weird formatting on the paste in, so I’ve sent this one back to Ao3 after the snippet instead of under the read more.

*****

Part 12 (Chapter 6)

Mocha wouldn’t leave his side.

Well, his shoulder really, since that’s where she’d jumped up to when he entered the coop. She distracted him from his task of spreading the feed and collecting the eggs, as if sensing that he’d had little to no sleep the night prior with Virgil’s words ringing in his ear and the pressure of the party sitting heavily in his stomach. Mocha was a good girl, and chickens were intelligent creatures. She knew, and in Gordon’s opinion, the hens were his second-best therapy.

First-best therapy were the conversations with his actual therapist, a colleague of Jules’ with whom she used to work. The young woman often had a busy schedule between her other clients, and Gordon only called her ad hoc anymore. But last night wasn’t an isolated incident; it had been a few nights in a row of the same lack of sleep, and he recognized that it wasn’t just one-off restlessness but a deep insomnia that was keeping him awake.

They scheduled an appointment in the following days since it wasn’t urgent. In the meantime, he could talk to Jules, as she would lend him an ear often - as a friend, though, and not as a client. Having a licensed therapist on site, in his employ, and married to his best friend, came with the additional perk that it was easy for them to fit a conversation into their day to day. And certainly, any questions she asked that challenged him, he knew came from a place of true care. That made all the difference for him, but Jules’ professional services were for the guests only, not Gordon himself. 

They were too close. 

She was his people, which is why she knew exactly what he needed and where he needed to be. It’s not like the chicken coop was the most relaxing or aesthetically pleasing of places, but it had always helped Gordon ground himself. Some people preferred meadows and beaches; Gordon preferred feathers and clucking and dirt-crusted boots. 

The previous night had stirred up fury he hadn’t felt in a long time. It was one thing for him to reconcile the grudge he felt had been over destroyed canvases and his anger management; it was another thing altogether to learn that his brother had felt as alone as him the whole time. The unforgivable, somehow forgiven.

Managing just a few hours sleep, there was a weary, facetious part of him that had been tempted to skip preparing Virgil’s coffee for him that morning. He could easily have said it was because he had so much on his mind with the party tonight, and it would’ve been partially true. But even as he was thinking it, the coffee filter had been set and the reservoir filled, and it was easier to keep going than to stop. Maybe muscle memory, but maybe he also just wasn’t that person anymore. 

 Even still, he left it to run and stepped into the dawn, already outside and dodging loose rocks on his way towards the coop when the Colonel signaled morning. He called Scraps to discuss the preparation plans while he collected the eggs, keeping his hands free with the earbud that linked to his phone. She must’ve heard something in his voice. They really only needed one person to work the coop, but Jules had been sent anyway. Gordon was grateful and decided ultimate-best therapy was the company of both his hens and the family he’d chosen.

Read on Ao3

[p-redux]

Finally home, as promised, here's the LATEST Monica Aksamit drama...

For those who don’t know, Monica is a 31 year old, 6 foot tall, American (of Polish descent) Olympic medalist in fencing, who mostly lives in New York. She and Sam Heughan used to mutually follow on social media, they flirted, DM’ed, and talked about getting together in person the next time Sam was in New York, but that didn’t happen. Instead of MOVING ON, Monica went on an all out campaign to PUBLICLY badmouth him. Sam's "toxic" behavior was that he "led on" Monica, kept promising to meet up, never did, then still kept contacting her after. Psst, Monica, come a little closer, let me whisper in your ear, “He’s just not that into you.” But Miss Thang’s Olympic size ego couldn’t deal with that and she proceeded to smear Sam in a MONETIZED $$$ podcast on Apple and Spotify, as well as other outlets. More on that later... Eventually it all died down and we all went back to forgetting about her...guess that was the problem. So, a few days ago, Monica decided to resurrect her beef against Sam 👇 Gee, what a coinky dink that she is trying to get attention again riiiiiight after she got eliminated as a contestant on the dating reality show “Joe Millionaire.” Hmm. 

Click on Keep Reading for the rest of the post. It’s a long one, so put up your feet, and grab a beverage...

And guess WHO befriended Monica and supported her bashing of Sam? None other than the biggest Outlander fandom Sam haters--Cant Resist Temptation and her Minions, who consist of Ex-Extreme SamCait Shippers, Shipper Sympathizers, and assorted fandom Mean Girls. The comments below belong to Monica aka mon mons right here on Tumblr. She left comments on CRT’s Tumblr blog and is commiserating with other Sam haters about their mutual guilty pleasure--hating on Sam. 👇 It says a lot about Monica's level of pettiness that she’s talking to FANS...I mean who does that? And on top of that, fans who clearly have a bias and an agenda. JS. But speaking of agenda...Monica knows all about it...$

And of course, the worst of the worst dedicated Sam haters, CRT, Bootsauce and Frenchy rabidly jump in to express their support of Monica. Just picture the DM’s going back and forth between Monica and that group. I can almost smell the putrid froth from here. 👇 They’re all acting as if this is some #metoo type of abusive situation when the REALITY is Sam’s “just not that into you,” and Monica was butthurt and decided to make a mountain out of a molehill. Let’s save the outrage for REAL victims of abuse. I hate when women play victim when they’re anything but--takes credibility away from real victims. I’m not a Sam mommy, I don’t think he walks on water, and I know he’s not a saint, BUT what happened between Sam and Monica did not warrant her vindictive actions. And worse, she used Sam to get her name out there, give herself more visibility, and make money. Thirsty doesn’t begin to cover it.  

But, let’s backtrack a bit and do a history lesson of how this all came to be. Like I said, a few years ago, Sam and Monica were mutually following on social media. If you do a search of Sam and Monica’s names on different social media platforms, you’ll see some interactions that were friendly and flirty. Tumblr limits screencaps to 10, so I’m not posting those, but they’re out there. At some point, Monica Tweeted that she needed help to have enough money to go to the Olympics (I can’t find that exact Tweet, so I’m assuming she deleted it). And Sam replied to her and retweeted her Tweet, thus giving her fundraising campaign FREE publicity, since his over 700,000 Twitter followers would see it. Monica got some hate from Extreme Shippers who don’t like it when Sam talks to pretty, sporty, young blondes, and she also interacted with some fans who showed her support. 👇 As you can see, her Go Fund Me campaign exceeded expectations, and in no small part to the boost Sam gave her by Retweeting on his account. 

Weeelll, as the saying goes “no good deed goes unpunished,” and things eventually went south between our two blonde giants. Sam and Monica continued to DM and flirt and made plans to get together whenever Sam was in New York next, but an in person date never came to fruition. Sam is VERY BUSY, so I’m not surprised, BUT, the reality is if a guy is into a woman he will MAKE THE TIME to see her. When Sam didn’t follow through on tentative plans, THAT should have been the signal to any woman who has dated human men, that, say it with me, “he’s just not that into you.” But, guess Mon Mon didn’t get the ages old dating memo.

Should Sam have been direct and told her he actually wasn’t interested? In an ideal world, yes. But, as we’ve seen, Sam is a people pleaser, doesn’t like anyone getting mad at him, and on top of that, he’s a HUGE flirt, who doles out his ubiquitous “let’s meet for a wee dram the next time I’m in town,” to any remotely attractive woman. I’m sure he figured when he didn’t actually SEE Monica IN PERSON, that she would get the message that it was a no go. But of course, that’s not what happened. Should Monica feel disappointed and upset that Sam made it seem like they were going to get together in person, continued to contact her, and then flaked? Of course, that’s an appropriate reaction. But once she figured out there was not going to be any Samonica, she should have put on her big girl panties and set her sights on someone who actually wanted to be with her. And realized what smart women with life experience know, when a man is into you, he will make the effort to SPEND TIME WITH YOU. Now you know.

What is NOT an appropriate reaction is what Monica ended up doing and continues to do. She went all over social media badmouthing Sam, acting like he was killing puppies FFS, AND created a podcast where she directly badmouths him and MADE MONEY OFF OF IT. 👇 And she’s STILL badmouthing him. SMH. 

In her podcast, she talks about all the men who have wronged her (Gee, who’s the common denominator here?) but it’s interesting that the ONLY one she has ever named is Sam, the one who is rich and famous and has tons of followers. Why hasn’t she mentioned the names of the other men? $$$ In the podcast, we find out exactly how over the top her reaction to what happened is. She admits that she used to “stalk” Sam’s whereabouts, she scoured the Internet to find out who else Sam had dated, going as far as reaching out to these women! (As an aside...2 of Sam’s exes she contacted blocked her). Well that sends a clear message on whose side they were on AND helps us gauge Monica’s level of crazy.

Eventually, after Monica gathered all her intel, she made the podcast where she PUBLICLY smears Sam’s name. Oh, and if Sam was such a terrible person and she didn’t want anything to do with him, how come she didn’t block him when she first made her podcast? (Now they’ve both mutually blocked) but as you can see below 👇 Sam “liked” one of her pics not long after all of this was happening. You can’t do that if you’re blocked. Also important to note, with few exceptions, ALL of Sam’s exes and ex flings still follow him on social media, including some of the women Monica talked to, like Georgia Ellenwood and Danielle Kling. If he’s such a "toxic" man, why haven’t THEY blocked him? 

Monica has a right to be pissed off all she wants that Sam made promises to see her and then didn’t, but to then launch a public witch hunt against him is so OVER THE TOP and not commensurate at all with what actually happened. They never even met in person! The same way a woman has a right to change her mind, doesn’t a man have the same right? Sam thought he wanted to go on a date with Monica and then he CHANGED HIS MIND. That’s not a crime. Or are some women under the impression that once he tells a woman "we should have a wee dram when I'm in town," he is OBLIGATED to go through with it? That sounds like forcing someone to do something they don't want to do just because there was a previous expectation. And that's NEVER acceptable for women or men. And given everything we now know about how Monica behaves, Sam had good instincts that she was a train wreck and he thankfully dodged a bullet. 

ALSO, she said Sam “threatened” her. It’s disconcerting that she used the word “threaten” to describe Sam and his legal team warning her that they would pursue legal action if she continued to malign him publicly. But if we’re going to use emotion-laden words, with viscerally aggressive connotations, let’s continue with “threaten.” SHE threatened him FIRST, she went after HIM. Um, she PUBLICLY smeared his name AKA his brand, of course he was going to defend himself. He had every right to have his legal team contact her letting her know that if she continued slandering him, they would report her to the Olympic Committee and Fencing Association for “conduct” violation. Read their rules of conduct and she violated them with her libelous words against another person. In addition, it would be understandable if Sam decided to have a cease and desist order sent if she continued to publicly slander him, since it could have an effect on his career. That's not Sam "threatening" her, that's Sam protecting his livelihood.

Here she is encouraging people to promote the podcast where she bashes Sam and inciting them to "blow it up ladies" IOW make it go viral AKA witch hunt against Sam. And notice the shout out to follow her on all her social media accounts and "support this podcast." $$$ 👇

Every woman Sam has actually been in a relationship with (not just hit on in DM’s) has nothing but nice things to say about him, and like I previously mentioned, the majority still follow him, that speaks volumes. Even, his ex Cody Kennedy’s mom, Jinx Kennedy, said “I don’t have anything bad to say about Sam, he was a gentleman,” and this was after Sam broke up with her daughter to go back to Abbie Salt! Again, that speaks volumes. Is Sam perfect? No. Can he be a douche? Of course. He’s a human male, they can all be douchy at some point from birth to death. But overall, he is a good guy, and the MAJORITY of people who know him attest to that. It’s sad that one bitter Betty, I mean miserable Monica took it so far, and for her own self-serving ulterior motives. $$$ I’m getting tired writing this...almost done. 

Here’s something that’s ironic. Monica criticized Sam for messaging her and then blowing her off, yet here she is rationalizing why it’s okay for HER TO DO THE SAME THING. Hypocrite, much?  👇

And for someone who claims to want to keep her private life private she sure DOES the OPPOSITE.  👇 Again, hypocrite, much? And she mentions she worries men will want to date her for the “clout.” Um, NO ONE knows who she is except Olympics fans...oh wait, NOW THEY DO, because she made sure of that by ranting and raving about Sam “ghosting” her, MAKING MONEY off her association with Sam, and most recently, going on the nationally televised reality show “Joe Millionaire.” Which ironically is about MULTIPLE women trying to win the heart of a MILLIONAIRE...gold digger, give me my 15 minutes of fame, much? Literally 15 minutes on the show and she was the first one voted off by BOTH men. She claims it’s because they both thought she was too tall...yeah, I guess it didn’t have anything to do with her off-putting personality and the ding ding ding bunny boiler alerts going off in both guys’ heads at all. Sure, Jan. 

Monica keeps Tweeting that she’s a “strong confident woman.” She can SAY that all she likes, but her ACTIONS have shown us quite the OPPOSITE. How she dealt with being rejected by Sam has solidified her reputation as a woman who is emotionally immature, petty, vindictive, bitter, stalkerish, fame-hungry, with a pinch of gold digger, and gives off red flags galore. Proceed with caution--if you piss her off, she’ll talk about you in her podcast and make money off you. Good luck finding any sane guy wanting to date this colossal HOT MESS now. Way to go, Mon! 👏

[namjooningelsewhere]

Fic Recs❤

Since i love fic recs so much and I am literally hogging each one of them, I thought it would be fun to have one of my own, These are the ones that are my absolute favorites and I have literally lost count of the times I have been going back and re-reading them. This is just one part of it though and these are all series. I have a separate list for one-shot, I don't know if this is how a fic rec should look, ?But ive tried to keep it simple.💖❤🤞

Completed:

The Pact - By @alpacaparkaseok

This is the first ever fic that i had read on tumblr, It just popped on my feed and i am glad it did. Its really beautiful and to be honest THE MOST BEAUTIFUL DATES I HAVE READ OR HEARD ARE RIGHT HERE.

Organic - By @ppersonna

This ones a social media au, Its sassy, super fun since the start and there isn't a dull moment. I had almost died laughing at the OC and Jins chemisrty and the rest of them as well . My all time go to if i am feeling super dull.

Who's Your Daddy? By @ppersonna

This is another social media au and my goodness this is as silly as sweet and mind you as sexy as it gets. This is altogether another level. Everything is perfection amplified here❤❤

Inevitable By @ahundredtimesover

This one hit home. I read the first chapter and god damn i was hooked like nobody's business. This one is super super close to me, One because Mimi has literally done magic out here on this fic and i think I'm the person who has chewed her brains the most with my 10 pager essays about what i felt. And secondly it is something very personal to me, Literally i have read it 20 times so far. My Absolute fav.

Perfectly Wrong By @xpeachesncream

This is a one hell of a interesting fic, Its absolutely beautiful. The emotions are so pure, So real and so precise to be honest. Absolute surreal. This one definitely makes you crave for friendships like them.

Bands By @xpeachesncream

This is the sweetest love story i have read. It had kept me hooked from the start to the end. There are moments which will make you literally cry, have a fluff attack (I use this term when the fluff is extremely good, So good that makes you giddy with the sweetness in a good way.)

CSG By @sunshyngal

This ones from my favorite writer, This story is so beautiful yet so delicate. Shyn has a way of portraying emotions too well and mind it it can be felt. This is one hell of a love story, Intense as ever.

Muse By @lavishedinjimin

This one will sure leave you in awe of the way its written, Super intense and oh damn you will literally feel chills as thwe story progresses. Its an art masterpiece, And Tae!! Ahem❤🤷‍♀️ He is a a different level hot and intense.

Falling From Grace By @sunshyngal

This is an epic fic, The hate and friction is intense AF and hottest ever. Its sinful AF and one of the hottest ones ive read❤🙌

Ongoing:

I Hate You, I love You By @borathae

This is a roller coaster of a story, One of which i can write a million words to describe how amazing it is. Its one of the fics that makes me jump with joy when i receive a notification of update. Its one of my ongoing favs and also one of the fics that i actually have lost count of the times i have gone back and re-read till date. This is the first ever story that makes me want to fall in love once again, After having given up the idea of it a long time ago. Its a fluff attack as it progresses. The emotions are on full swing in this one.

Death Valley By @bangtangalicious

This is one hell of a Netflix worthy fic! Period. If anything, I even have a list of actors for the OT7 and OC as to who can play who!😉🤷‍♀️

It will fucking keep you on the edge with suspense and it will blow your mind, head and whatever is left in you to bits!! I have literally never built theories or literally never spent connecting dots as i did for this one. Im not giving out spoilers, But this one right here had my heart beat racing every time there is a update. Mind-blowing is the proper word for it though.

Cyberslut By @kimnjss

Yoongi is another level in this, One of my fav social media au's. Its got everything, Mind-blowing and amazing. No matter how many time I've read it, still feels new like I'm reading it for the first time.

Silk and Lace By @sunshyngal

This is the epitome of perfection. I have never seen such characters. Intense is the least of it. Something about Shyn is she writes such female characters that are so head strong and courageous. You cant help but fall in love with them. Its an equal here, A story of two equals in their own ways.

Sadness of things By @sunshyngal

This is one i wait for updates like nobody's business yet i have no words to describe it. This story is something else, Actually something else. So many emotions are so perfectly written, its a memorable one. Its beautiful. Truly! Another example of a strong female character.

Abundance By @angelicyoongie

This fic is abundance of everything, Its as real as it gets. Its like built from ground up and it is nothing less than perfection. A perfect hybrid au.❤❤ If OT7 is your thing, You will definitely fall in love with this one.

I'm Not Yours By @hantaev

This is still starting, But i fell in love with the first teaser and hooked with second teaser and whipped with the First Chapter, No kidding its a beautiful story, with even beautifully written.❤🤷‍♀️

Maybe I Do By @chateautae

This is the first fic that I'm thankful for having long chapters. Every time i read it i just cant get enough. Its prefect example of how love has no definitions and you can even find love in the most unconventional ways. One of the sweetest love story I've come I've ever read. Maybe i just don't have enough words.

Incoming: Elite Chatboy By @kookingtae

This is so good that it should be illegal. One of the hottest ones ever. Chemistry, sass and sexual tension runs high in this one and keeps on edge. Interesting AF and hot AF!!!

Kanalia By @xjoonchildx

This is one hell of a fic, set in ancient backdrop! It intrigued me AF and then I couldn't stop myself from reading it again and again. The chemistry in here runs deep, one of the fics that I'm desperately waiting for the next update. It's going to be a masterpiece that I'm sure of!!

Lowkey By @xpeachesncream

I am eternally apologetic about not stumbling on this fic earlier, Thank heavens I did today. One of the most realistic ones yet most touching ones I've come across on tumblr❤❤❤❤

[drarrily-we-row-along]

Veritaserum Prompt Fic (Part 10)

(Okay- I'm not going to lie, I took a little bit of sadistic joy at everyone's outrage and devastation over the previous chapter. But only because I know what's coming. I promise we'll have a happy ending. Anyway. Start with part 1 on tumblr or jump over to AO3 to read the whole thing, if you like.)

-----------------

Harry woke up smiling.

This was not something that had ever happened to him prior to the last week, but now the bed smelled like Draco, and the sun was slipping in through the curtains and warming his face, and Harry was free.

He'd never been this happy in his life.

Rolling over, he reached out, patting the bed and trying to find his lover's body so he could drag him over and kiss him awake.

When his searching turned up empty, Harry opened one eye to look at the empty space next to him. He frowned and cast a wandless tempus: 10:37. Harry blinked and summoned his wand and recast: 10:37.

That was strange, he never slept that late. Although, he supposed it explained why Draco was already up and out of bed, probably already out in his workshop working on whatever potion he'd been brewing the past week or so.

After a good stretch and pulling his hair up into a messy bun on top of his head, Harry made his way to the kitchen and over to the coffee pot. He frowned again when he found it empty and turned to head outside and make sure Draco was alright.

Before he'd gotten more than a few steps, his eyes caught on a piece of parchment and a familiar hawthorn wand laying on top of the island. "No," he whispered, heart freezing in his chest.

(Read more below the cut)

He picked up the letter off the island with a trembling hand and read

Dearest Harry, How can I even begin to tell you all that you mean to me? A less cowardly man than I would have found a way to say it to your face, but we both know that bravery is more your department. You've given me so much, Harry. I could never have imagined falling in love, never imagined that someone might love me in return. But that's why I had to do this, you see that don't you? Not because I don't love you but because I do. I love you with every fiber of my being, with all that I am, and you are mine, Harry. And I couldn't let you pay the price for my sins. I couldn't let you give up everything for me. Granger helped me draw up a contract with the Minister himself, you three certainly have a lot of friends in high places. In exchange for me, they're clearing you of all charges. Don't be angry with her; she just wants what is best for you, as well you must know by this point in your friendship. I know you're hurting right now, love. I know that this is breaking your big, perfect, beautiful heart; it's breaking the pathetic, shriveled excuse of a heart that I have, too. But it will pass, my darling, if you let it. So please, for me, let it go. Let me go. Be happy, be in love, live whatever life you want. Travel. Go to the States and do whatever muggle thing you wanted to do. You deserve the best life. Please know that I will spend the rest of my life grateful for you. And I will never forget the time when you were mine. You are, without exception, the best thing that has ever happened to me. Forever yours, Draco

Harry stared at the parchment in his hand, trailing trembling fingers over Draco's elegant script as his eyes blurred and his breathing came too fast. He clenched the letter to his chest, gasping against the ache of his heart expanding to accommodate the sadness and the sense of loss.

Without another thought he apparated straight into Ron and Hermione's kitchen.

"We thought you might show up at some point," Ron's voice said behind him.

Harry whipped around to see them both sitting at the table, "What the fuck did you do?" he asked, voice low and dangerous.

Hermione sighed, "What he asked us to."

"Why?" he asked before the enormity of this situation hit him all over, the realization that he'd never see Draco again stealing the air from his lungs. He bent forward, putting his hands on his knees, "I can't breathe," he managed, trying to suck breath into his lungs and failing.

Ron was at his side in an instant, easing him onto the floor as Hermione appeared in front of him, "let your head drop between your knees. Focus on a slow inhale, slow exhale," she said and Harry tried to sync up his breathing with hers until his heart stopped racing.

He leaned his head back against the wall and scrubbed his hands over his face. "He's gone," he whispered. Then he opened his eyes and looked at them, "How could you let this happen?"

Hermione looked down at her hands, "Draco reached out to me the day after the trial. He said he couldn't trap you, couldn't force you to live a life on the run again."

"And that he couldn't bear the thought of you getting caught," Ron added.

"We wouldn't have gotten caught," he said derisively.

Hermione shook her head, "Maybe not but what about every other person in your life, Harry? You would have spent the rest of your life separated from them."

"We miss you, mate," Ron added.

He shook his head and swiped angrily at the tears in his eyes, "Then we could have figured something out. It had only been a week!" he protested. "Just one week, we could have-" he broke off and covered his mouth. After a heart beat, he stood up, "I can't be here right now. I can't-" he shook his head, "I can't do this."

"Harry-" Hermione started.

"He asked me not to be mad at you," he said, "but I'm-" he broke off, his hands trembling as he tried to open the door. "I need-" he tried again before simply giving up and walking out the door. He needed Draco.

"Harry!" Ron called behind him but he just kept walking.

He'd come back. He'd forgive them. He knew he would, he just needed a little time.

-------------

However, leaving was actually a seemingly bad idea.

In the 30 minutes after he left the house, he learned that part of the "deal" that Draco had struck with Kingsley involved the Ministry being able to tell whatever lies they wanted to about Draco. Some papers claimed that it had been a love potion, some claimed it was a cursed object, some claimed he'd been imperiused.

Harry stood in front of a newsstand, seething as he read the headlines. How could they have let this happen? How could Draco have signed a contract that allowed for this?

And then he saw it: The Quibbler. Draco and Harry were on the front page, just like every other newspaper, but the article was titled, "From the Wrinkspurts: They're in Love". The world tilted, righting itself slightly as a plan started to form in the back of his mind.

He looked up at the man running the stand who'd been just staring at him, "I need one of everything," he said. "I don't have any money but I'll bring-"

"They're yours," the man interrupted, grabbing papers from all the different piles. He even tossed on one for gardening and one for cooking.

"Err," Harry, "Not those ones," he said, nudging the two irrelevant ones away. "Just the ones about me," he added, "At the risk of sounding self centered."

"Whatever you want, mate," the man said. "They're yours."

"Thanks," Harry said, grabbing the stack of them and concentrating so he could apparate through the Ministry's wards because he simply didn't give a fuck anymore.

There was a sound vaguely like glass shattering as Harry popped up in front of the secretary's desk outside of Kingsley's office. She shrieked and a coffee cup went flying, breaking when it hit the ground.

"I'm here to see Kingsley," he said simply.

A hand fluttered up to cover her heart, "I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Potter, but he's in a meeting."

"Interrupt it," he said. "I guarantee what I have to say is more important."

"I can't just-"

"Look," Harry interrupted. "Just go and ask him. If he tells you to send me away, that's fine, I'll go."

She appeared to consider this for a moment, then she stood up and made her way to the door, knocking and slipping in.

A moment later she reappeared, "Would you mind waiting for just one moment?" she asked, gesturing to the chairs across from her desk. "He'll be right with you."

It was barely two minutes before three people came hurrying out of the room, avoiding Harry's gaze.

Kingsley followed, "Harry," he greeted, "Please come in."

Harry stood up and followed Kingsley in, not allowing himself to feel inferior because of the sweatpants and t-shirt he was still wearing.

"What can I do for you?" he asked.

"Let Draco Malfoy go," he replied.

Kingsley raised an eyebrow, "You know as well as I do that we're not going to do that. It's not possible."

"I thought you might say that," he replied as he started tossing magazines one by one onto the man's desk. "But you really ought to have told them all the same story."

"What?" the man asked with a laugh, "Why? Why should that matter?"

"Because it's going to make the Ministry look even more incompetent when I tell all of them the truth."

He shrugged, "It's of little concern, it won't matter."

"See, that's where you're wrong," Harry replied. "Because I'm not just going to tell them the truth about Draco Malfoy and his heinous treatment by Ministry officials prior to his trial. I am going to tell them everything and I'm going to watch the Ministry burn."

"Harry, be reasonable," he said. "So you tell everyone your story about finding Malfoy in the Department of Mysteries, garner a little sympathy because he was a teenager and now you're in love," he continued. "But it doesn't take much to drag his name through the mud again. To remind people that he tried to kill Dumbledore, to remind them of the cabinet that let death eaters into Hogwarts, to remind people of the lives that were lost because of him."

Harry's veins burned with rage and it was all he could do to keep himself from lashing out.

Kingsley shook his head, "Do what you must, but your story will never be enough."

He let out a humorless chuckle and leaned forward, bracing his fist on the desk, "I got into the Department of Mysteries within a matter of months. Do you really believe that the only information I got was about Draco Malfoy?"

"You'll be prosecuted, if you disclose any information you obtained illegally" he replied steadily.

"I am Harry fucking Potter," he said with a growl. "If you try to prosecute me, you will have an uprising on your hands. Especially after everything I'm going to expose. So good luck with that, I'll enjoy watching this burn even faster," he said, gesturing to the space around them.

"Harry," he said, "You must know that what you're asking of me simply isn't possible," a hint of desperation creeping into his voice.

The corner of Harry's mouth ticked up, "I'm going to win," he said. "And we both know it." He turned, leaving the magazines spread across his desk. "The only question is how much do you want to see burn before it happens." When he reached the door he called over his shoulder, "I'm holding a press conference tomorrow at six." He looked back at the other man, "You have until then to get him released."

On his way out he cast a patronus that he was sending to Azkaban with a simple message. I'm getting you out.

-----------------------

Okay, friends. There will be at least one more part of this fic (maybe two) but this is getting too long. <3

Part 9 | Part 11

[maggyoutthere]

This "Everywhere At The End Of Time" thing has been showing up on my recommendations list on youtube. What even is this thing-

I mean it sounds neat. I'm like half an hour in and I like it :/ it's so nostalgic with the static and record scratches. I'm a sucker for ambient music and these sound neat

Edit:

Reached Stage 2

What is happening why is this triggering something in me. Like I can clearly tell something's wrong. You can still hear the music but the static and record scratches are louder.

I'm kinda scared though. As much as I love listening to music I can tell when something is just more than your typical summer hit or even mental health PSA. What is this-

Edit 2

K so apparently this is an album representing various stages of dementia. That's a tricky thing to do but I have faith in music. It's a great way to express stuff so I'm very curious to what this is gonna turn out like.

Edit 3

Idk if I like where this is going.

"I still feel as though I am me" broke me a little for some reason. Idk why but it just stood out differently to me. I am very very hesitant to jump some tracks to get to hear the other stages still today. Most of these tracks transmit the same idea but I didn't want to leave out anything.

Also no I hate rb stuff to make those threads. Have the consecutive edits of this thing.

Edit 4

STAGE 3 YOU CAN'T JUST CUT OFF LIKE THAT WHAT THE HELL-

Little heart attack I just had aside, I'm liking it so far. It's starting to get very uneasy but I think that's the point of it. Goodness gracious Stage 3 scared the absolute crap out of me. It cut just like that. So abruptly and caught me off guard. Not even a fade out, damn.

Edit 5

I had to skip some tracks from the second half of Stage 3 and

oh no

Edit 6

Reached Stage 4

I am having some very visceral reactions to this. It is incredibly unnerving but I want to keep listening to it so much. I love how it’s not even music anymore, it’s just... noise. Lots of different noises all crumbled up together, unified by some vely loud static.

Might have to skip some bits here because all Stage 4 songs are 30 min long each.

Edit 7

MOMS COME PICK ME UP OH FUCK OH GOD NO NO NO NO

I HATE IT HERE BUT I LOVE IT BUT AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

It’s so hard to put down what this is doing. I’m not even sorry for rambling just take this post for what it is idfk if people are even reading this but holy fuck.

The 30 minute ones are killing me from the inside out. I’m very sensitive to audio and sounds (probably because of autism) and this is just pulling all the levers in my brain. It’s so- i have no idea what to call it. Sensory triggering?? I guess???

Edit 8

Stage 5.

Oh... god. 

Edit 9

Reached Stage 6

This has no description, both in the video and in my head. The sheer nothingness something so loud can transmit; the void where something should be but you can't remember what. Blessed were the minutes when I was still listening to the first track; there was music at least. Now there's just this emptiness, this absolutely deafening silence.

The worst is that you know exactly what's going on.

Edit 10

Listening to the last track: Stage 6 - Place in the World fades away

Everywhere At The End Of Time is a series exploring dementia, its advancement and its totality.

I cannot put to words what an absolute masterpiece this is. To tackle such a serious mental illness like this one is already an incredibly hard thing to do; to make art out of it is risky, to make it work is nothing short of a miracle.

The Caretaker (pseudonym of the composer) is an absolute master of his craft. To use something so carefully constructed as music and sound to make sense of something that makes someone not make sense is a challenge to say the least. How do you even go about it? In music there are bound to be rhythms and leitmotifs and patterns: there is bound to be organization.

This is where EATEOT absolutely excels in. I don't know if this could be called of music but I'll surely call it of art; the genius of these tracks are in their editing rather than in their composition. The first 2 stages are pretty much just songs with static noises and record scratches layered on top. It gets the message across: there is still memory, it's just blurry, washed out. It's there but it's hard to see.

From then on out, everything changes. Stage 3 keeps the background noise going, now repeating certain parts of the songs or even reverberating them. The memories themselves are starting to change, not just getting difficult to access. Stage 4 sees the absolute fear and horror of realizing such thing is happening. The grasping at anything in pure terror of forgetting everything. There is no such thing as music now. It's unnerving, it's uneasing, and rightfully so. This does not sugarcoat things and I personally like that.

Stage 5 hits us with a certain calmness after the storm. Things aren't better of course, they're just quieter. Memories are starting to dissapear completely and now there is mostly only the background noises.

Then comes Stage 6. It's desolated, it's deserted, it's nothing. It's gut wrenching. I'd like to touch on the last song because I particularly liked this one. "Place in the World fades away" is, in my opinion, divided into 2 parts. In the 1st half you have static and noise. There is nothing in there. The occasional crescendo almost scares you because of how hollow the mind seems to be at this point, but it leads nowhere. Then there's the 2nd half. You start to hear music. Actual music this time. A choir of voices, still echoing from somewhere else remind you of how it first started: with the music. It puts things into perspective and signals you towards the first of this 6-part series, how far we've come. Then, as if telling what must be told, the music fades away, leaving you with a whole minute of absolute silence. No static, no record scratches, literally a whole minute of dead silence.

I found myself continuously going back to this tumblr post and to the comment section of the video; I didn't want to feel like I was experiencing this alone, and I was glad to see people in the comment section helping eachother out, talking and venting, so that was heartwarming.

I know I'm not usually very serious about things but I wanted to try and do it for this absolute magnum opus. I like to critique stuff as much as the next guy, but to be able to analyze something like this is unique. If you want something to challenge you emotionally, something to make you think and reflect on things, this is an absolute must.

Tl;dr: Everywhere At The End Of Time is a haunting representation of dementia, both in its advancement and in its totality. It's really profound and definitely worth a try if you have some free hours.

[buckybeardreams]

Unwanted

Chapters: 11/11

Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark

Characters: Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Brock Rumlow, James "Bucky" Barnes, Clint Barton, Harley Keener

Additional Tags: Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Alpha Steve Rogers, Omega Tony Stark, Service Top, Dominant Bottom, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Virgin Steve Rogers, Brock Rumlow is a Good Bro, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Romantic Soulmates, First Meetings, Angst with a Happy Ending, Sappy, Romantic Fluff, Awkwardness, Drinking to Cope, Self-Worth Issues, Insecure Tony Stark, Insecure Steve Rogers, Age Difference, Harley Keener is Tony Stark's Biological Child, Bonding, Claiming Bites, Claiming, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mpreg, Non-Explicit Sex, Light Dom/sub, Mutual Masturbation, Coming Untouched, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Wordcount: 10.000-30.000, Knotting

Series: Part 1 of Second Chances

Summary:

Steve is a soft Alpha and Tony is an in charge kind of Omega with no desire to find a mate. He doesn't want to find his soulmate and when he does meet Steve he's determined to stay away from him. 

That is until he realizes just how right they are for each other.

Ch 1 Ch 2 Ch 3 Ch 4 Ch 5 Ch 6 Ch 7 Ch 8 Ch 9 Ch 10 Ch 11

Part 2 is now out and the first chapter can be read on tumblr or ao3.

Words: 1,406

"I can't believe we were both right." Tony shook his head. 

The baby was a boy with a light dusting of blond hair on his head and startling blue eyes that stared up at them all sparkling and full of wonder as he took in all of the new sights around him. 

"He's beautiful," Steve murmured. 

Tony hummed in agreement, pulling the baby closer to sniff his head and take in that baby scent that seems to cling to all young pups. They were still just staring at their baby in awe when he started to cry and Tony's nipples started to leak, wet spots forming on his shirt. 

"I think I'm gonna have to walk around shirtless for the next few years," Tony said with a sigh. 

Steve glanced at him in surprise as Tony passed the baby off to Steve and stripped off his shirt. 

"I have no complaints there, but you do realize he's only gonna stay a baby for like one maybe two years max." 

Tony gave him a look. 

"Don't question my parenting methods, Alpha. You're not the one who carried this thing in them for nine months and you didn't have to deal with him jumping on your bladder either. So I get to make all the decisions when it comes to how we're gonna raise him." 

"Yeah, but I'm gonna be the one staying home with him." 

"I know and I'm very grateful, but if you have any questions you can just call me." 

Steve nodded, because there was nothing else to say about it. If Tony said this was the way it was going to be, then this was the way it was going to be. 

"I'm gonna get hard if you keep bossing me around." 

"Good, we can get started on trying for the next one," Tony teased, taking the crying baby back and coaxing him to latch onto his nipple. 

Steve's eyes widened and he looked scared at the thought. 

"Another one? Already?" Steve squeaked. 

Tony just giggled. 

"I'm just kidding, Alpha. We'll wait until I stop breastfeeding this little guy and then we can try for another one. Until then, I'm going on the pill." 

Steve nodded. 

"Cool. That's, um, cool," Steve said awkwardly. "It's not like I'm against having another one. It's just- I'm still not sure what we're gonna do with this one." 

Tony smiled softly and kissed his cheek, still cradling Harley to his chest while he suckled at his nipple. 

"You're gonna be a great daddy, Steve," Tony promised.

Steve grinned at him and leaned down to kiss him. 

"And don't worry about not knowing what you're doing. I'm an Omega so I have the instincts for these kinds of things." 

"Yeah, but I'm not an Omega." 

"I know that, but you didn't know what you were doing when we first started fucking, but I taught you how to please me and I'll teach you how to do this too." 

Steve blushed bright red. 

"You said I did good!" Steve squeaked. 

"You did. You were eager to please and what you lacked in skill you made up for by being cute." 

"What I lacked?" Steve said, his ego clearly bruised. 

Tony rolled his eyes. 

"Yes, Steve. You were a virgin and the way we play goes against most all of your instincts, so it took some time for you to learn. There's nothing wrong with that. I'm a very experienced teacher and you learned quickly how to get me off, so no harm done." 

"Tony!" Steve squeaked. 

"What? Don't worry about it. You're much better now." 

Steve just scoffed and shook his head. 

"Yeah, whatever," Steve grumbled. "I'm gonna go start dinner." 

Tony sighed as he walked away, but his attention quickly turned to Harley. 

"As soon as you can hold your head up, I'm gonna let your daddy take you for a ride on the bike that you were named after," Tony cooed at him. 

The baby didn't respond of course, still happily suckling at Tony's flat chest, but he did look up at his mom like he was aware of what Tony was talking about. Tony smiled softly at him and brushed a finger over his cheek. 

"You're gonna be the most spoiled, loved, happiest baby in the world Harley. I promise," Tony murmured.

*****

Steve was still pouting when they went to bed that night, Harley curled up in between them. Tony really didn't think he would be so hurt by the comment, since in many ways Steve didn't seem like an Alpha. Sure, he was protective and he had a knot, but for the most part he acted more like an Omega, at least when it was just the two of them. 

Tony wasn't stupid though. He knew he had upset him and he sighed when Steve kept peering at him through his lashes, a pout on his lips, looking away anytime Tony looked his way. 

"Steve," Tony groaned, scooping Harley up and gently laying him back down so he was now sleeping by the wall instead of in between them. 

They had pushed the bed up against the wall, because Tony had read that was the safest way to co-sleep. 

"Alpha. My pretty, pretty, Alpha. I love you so much, you know that right?" 

Steve didn't respond, he just bit his lip and fidgeted with the sheets. Tony groaned again and pushed him flat on his back, climbing on top of him. 

"Steve, look at me," Tony ordered, knowing that Steve wouldn't disobey him. 

He smirked when Steve's eyes snapped up to meet his instinctually. 

"There you go, pretty Alpha. Such a good boy you are, Alpha," Tony purred. "I'm sorry that I upset you, but you don't get to just pout about it. If there's something wrong you have to tell me. You don't get to keep things from me, Alpha, because you're mine. You understand?" 

Steve bit his lip, his eyes darting away from Tony's, but returning when Tony growled softly in that way that wasn't quite a growl but still managed to come off as a warning. 

"Yes, sir. I understand." 

"Good. You're so good for me, Alpha. I didn't mean to upset you and I shouldn't have teased you like that. It was mean. Can you forgive me?" 

Steve whimpered, pouting. 

"I'm still an Alpha, you know. I know that I'm not like other Alphas, but I still have pride, Tony." 

"Aw, I know you do and I like that you're not like other Alphas. I won't do it again, okay?" 

Steve chewed on his lip for a moment, considering something.

"Um, Tony?" 

"Hm?" 

"Do you think you could maybe do it again, but maybe while we're, you know, mating?" 

Tony raised his brow at him. 

"Really? You want me to humiliate you, Alpha?" 

Steve licked his lips nervously, nodding. His cheeks were bright red, but Tony could feel his dick hardening. 

"Maybe just a little?" 

Tony chuckled and kissed him. 

"Yeah, I could do that, but not now. Sam and Brock are watching Harley this Friday and I'll take you apart then, okay, baby?" 

Steve whined, his hips rocking up. 

"Please, sir." 

"Shh, not now," Tony murmured. "Don't wake the baby or I'll be punishing you on Friday." 

Steve whined again, but he wrapped his arms around Tony when he slipped off of him and pressed back until his ass was snug against the erection in Steve's sweats. Steve squirmed and Tony smirked, shifting slightly just to hear him whine again, the sound muffled as he ducked to hide his head in Tony's neck. 

"I love you, Alpha," Tony teased, his voice sugary sweet.

"I hate you," Steve mumbled into his neck and Tony wriggled his hips just to punish him. 

"Be good, Alpha, or I'll make you regret it." 

Steve sucked at his neck, his hips rutting forward at the threat. 

"I love you, Tony. My pretty Omega. I don't know how I got so lucky." 

"I don't know how you got so lucky either. I'm a catch," Tony teased. 

Steve rolled his eyes affectionately and kissed Tony's cheek. 

"You really are." 

Tony smiled softly, a light blush on his cheek. His eyes landed on their baby in his sleep sack, laying on top of their thin covers. He doesn't know how he got to be so lucky as to end up with a perfect mate and a perfect pup.