#i have quite literally had to mask my asexuality MORE than my autism

[caffeinatedopossum]

Not triggering just personal

I really need to vent about being asexual and sex repulsed but I feel like no one will understand and I get how a lot of the things I think will sound but I really just need to for once get these thoughts off my chest without having them being morally appraised because they *aren't* my morals, they're just things I can't change.

And I don't want people to TRY to change it either! Or to try to figure what ~hOrRiBle trAuMas~ could have possibly made me "this way". It's not that I think there's nothing wrong with me, it's just that this thing needs to stay neutral to me if I ever expect to actually understand it. I want people to stop morally appraising and physcoanalyzing my sexuality through the lense of inherent trauma!!

I just want to talk about this without feeling like I need to put a disclaimer before every sentence, explaining why I feel the way that I feel. I don't know ok! I don't know why I feel the way that I feel sometimes. I'm just doing my best and I wish more people would understand that. Maybe you don't get an explanation because this is my identity and doesn't need to be justified. I just want to understand myself.

[arecaceae175]

Autistic LU chain headcannons!

Including some gender and sexuality bc for me those are very tied to my autism. Most of this is rooted in their personalities, but some of this just appeared in my mind and didn't go away XD. Infodump incoming!!! :D

Time

Time uses they/them pronouns bc they literally have no idea what gender is

Has a lot of verbal shutdown episodes. They're able to communicate with sign language most of the time

Almost completely nonverbal as a child (Mask era)

When they do speak it's very monotone

More shutdowns than meltdowns

Time does really prolonged eye contact (to the point of awkward for allistics) bc it's all or nothing for them

Favorite stims: humming, playing ocarina, tapping their chest/collarbone

Lots of verbal stims, so nonverbal episodes and shutdowns can be hard to recover from since they can't do their favorite stims

If given the opportunity, they will only drink milk. No other sustenance.

Must be reminded to eat, can't interpret their bodies' internal cues very well

Very confrontational - will absolutely throw hands at ableists

So incredibly loyal. Once they think you're family, they will never, ever, ever let you go or let anything happen to you

Special interests: cows, masks (as a child, not as prominent anymore), and Time has memorized every single "dad joke" they've ever heard and LOVE telling jokes to break tension or cheer the others up

Asexual, biromantic, sex-positive

Warriors

Highest masking because of his time as a soldier

Hard for allistics to identify as autistic bc he's so good at masking

He has a lot of anxiety surrounding unmasking and showing his autistic traits, so he simply does not

That obviously doesn't work, so during the war he was constantly stressed and had meltdowns or shutdowns very frequently

Zelda and Impa tried to help, but there was so much going on that they couldn't do much

Mask and Wind helped a LOT during the war. Warriors wanted to make sure they were taken care of and could show their autistic traits, so he became a lot more comfortable with his own and created a more accepting environment

SO good at people reading, because he just memorized everything and watched everyone's every move

That gets quite overwhelming and causes shutdowns a lot

Doesn't have verbal shutdown episodes super often, but when he did in the war Proxi would copy his voice and speak for him. He's able to communicate with sign

Scarf is comfort item

The most ritualistic of the whole chain. Wars has very specific routines for most things that he does, and breaking routine is the biggest reason he has meltdowns

His meltdowns are very internalized, and he just likes to be left alone

He is now very confrontational about ableism

Also very very very loyal

He also has a lot of black and white thinking, and a strong sense of justice

Favorite stims: swaying while standing, shifting weight from foot to foot, spinning

When he's really happy he'll bring his arms up and like shake them back and forth in front of himself? Like his hands are flapping/shaking back and forth, but in fists, and his elbows are bent to his hands are almost in front of his face (I can see it in my mind but I'm having trouble explaining it)

Special interests: battle strategizing (could tell you very specific facts about any battle from any point in time that he's studied), loves to sew

Asexual, aromantic, sex-neutral

Wind

He has never once sat still in his entire life

Has never finished anything in a timely manner, ever

Always asks a lot of clarification questions, and he gets confused when allistic people get offended by his questions

Also has ADHD

Little to no voice volume control

That becomes an issue with the Links that are more sound sensitive, so it's something they're all trying to work on finding a compromise for

Favorite stims: rocking, chewing

He has a chewy stim toy that he wears around his neck. Grandma made it for him so he would stop putting things in his mouth

Loves the sensory aspects of being underwater

Always walking on his toes. As a child he was always toe walking, but his Grandma didn't know to correct that, so now Wind physically can't stand flat footed for long periods of time

He has a lot of trouble with routine. The autistic part of him wants the routine, but the ADHD wants spontaneity and usually wins

Has a lot of trouble keeping his things tidy and with personal hygiene (Wars helps with hygiene bc he is excellent at it due to his routines)

He doesn't really have shutdowns, just meltdowns

They involve a lot of loud screaming and self-injurious behavior

Biggest sensory issues: FOOD (bc he wasn't introduced to a lot of different foods and textures on Outset Island), under-stimulation

Special interests: sailing, pirates, also characters from a storybook his Grandma used to read to him and Ayrll every single night (at Wind's insistence)

Hyperverbal

Most likely to infodump

Asexual, aromantic, sex-repulsed

Wild

No gender. What's gender. Genderfluid, changes pronouns based on mood, and usually sticks with one set for long periods of time

Lost the ability to mask when they lost their memories

So they're the easiest for allistics to identify as autistic

Most people in their world don't care, but they have experienced some ableism since they can't mask

Entirely nonverbal. They use the sheikah slate as an AAC device

Cloak is comfort item

Favorite stims: hand flapping and bouncing on their toes

They walk almost exclusively on their toes and always have the dinosaur hands

Even mix of meltdowns and shutdowns

SO so so bad at understanding body language, sarcasm, etc.

They have a lot of trouble existing in a group. Like they'll wander off or do something dangerous and then not really understand why what they did was wrong (BUT they still love the chain of course)

Biggest sensory issues: crowds, lots of voices talking at once

LOVE deep pressure

Special interest: cooking, horses, cataloguing plants in the sheikah slate

Pre-calamity one of their special interests was sheikah tech, so they secretly LOVED going around with Flora researching sheikah tech

Asexual, panromantic, sex-repulsed

(Despite these being my autistic wild headcannons, I use almost none of these in Authenticity lol. Wild's autistic traits in that fic are primarily based on my own)

Legend

Gender?? Who's she?? Genderfluid, similar to Wild, but pronouns change more frequently

Not very good at accommodating themself

They often push themself WAY past their limits and then have long burnout periods

But they've gotta save the world, so it's fine, right? (Answer is no. It is very bad)

Must be reminded to sleep, and they have a lot of issues with sleeping

They often come across as rude to allistics, but that is generally not their intention, they're just bad at (allistic) communication

When they intend to be rude you'll KNOW

They have a really hard time communicating feelings and emotions, which frustrates them a lot and is hard for people trying to help them

This is especially an issue for the chain bc most of the time none of them can "read between the lines" and figure out what Legend is trying to say

Has never once gotten rid of anything because what if they need it? And also it is a part of their stuff and it has it's very specific place, so if it was gone then that place would be empty and then what would they do??????

Everything has a Place and they HATE when people touch or move their stuff

Biggest sensory issues: clothing, textures

Pants are a battle. People have given up.

Pants make Legend's legs THROB and feel like thousands of tiny knives are stabbing their skin. So they simply do not wear pants

Favorite stims: twirling their rings and other jewelry, rubbing good textures, humming (Marin's song)

Harmful stims: hitting things or themself (usually hitting their thighs)

Special interests: magical items, jewelry (jewelry with magical properties are the COOLEST SHIT)

Pansexual, polyamorous

Hyrule

There is no gender here. Gender makes no sense. They/them

They also have ADHD

Love asking questions because they want to understand every single detail of all these new exciting eras

Absolutely can't tell what tone they speak in

Really bad at paying attention to their surroundings

Attention span is practically nonexistent

They often wander off without even meaning to and don't realize until they're completely lost

Sometimes need to be reminded to do self care tasks

Have frequent verbal shutdown episodes that last for a long time. They can communicate with sign, and they also sometimes stick close to Wild and use Wild's AAC slate function

Favorite stim: running their hands through their hair (their hair is almost always dirty bc of this), shaking/twisting their hands

Harmful stim: skin picking

The skin picking is an ISSUE because it sometimes causes blood, and the blood curse is a thing

Biggest sensory issues: crowds and voices and also bright lights

Tendency to freeze and shut down when overwhelmed (this was an issue a lot during their adventures, but not so much now that the chain has their back)

Special interests: biology/anatomy, and there's a series of books they once found in an abandoned town that they LOVE. Books are hard to come by in their era so those are their absolute most prized possession

Asexual, aromantic, sex-repulsed

Sky

Bi-gender, he/she

Comfort items: sailcloth, Loftwing plush toy from Zelda, Master Sword

He carries around the loftwing plush absolutely everywhere he goes. She has a special protected pocket in his bag for when it isn't safe to carry her in his hands. Her name is Brenda (because my favorite stuffed animal friend is named Brenda and I'm in charge XD)

Favorite stims: jumping/bouncing in place, flapping his arms like a loftwing, humming, moving his fingers in the motions of playing his harp

Harmful stims: pulling her hair, hitting his ears when overstimulated

Eye contact???? Absolutely not. She will look everywhere except the person speaking to her

His biggest sensory sensitivity is sound

There was never much going on in Skyloft (other than things he was used to) and it's pretty small, so he got VERY easily overwhelmed on the Surface when he first started his adventure. Fi often had to guide her to a safe spot where he could get through a meltdown or shutdown

She still gets really easily overwhelmed and usually is nonverbal for the first bit of time after a portal shift while he adjusts to his surroundings

He's not great at communicating at all during his verbal shutdown episodes

When she gets overwhelmed she freezes and shuts down. He's more likely to have a meltdown once he's in a safe place

Since he gets overwhelmed so easily, Sky needs a LOT of sleep. More so than the other Links. Sky is banned from taking middle watch

She loves doing tasks that require intricate detail, like woodcarving and embroidery

Special interests: loftwings of course

As a child Sky related much more to her loftwing than he did any people, so his relationship with his loftwing is one of the most important things in her life

Bisexual, polyamorous

Got SO confused when people say he isn't supposed to have more than one partner

Like why??? He likes them both??? The more the merrier???? Makes no sense, does not comprehend

Twilight

Very good at routines. He loves routines. They're so great

Also, similarly, patterns. Twilight can pick out patterns in anything

He gets really irritated when something breaks pattern or is slightly uneven

He loves being on a farm and doing morning routines of feeding the animals

He's always always always related more to animals than people

Animals make sense, people don't

He's still not very good at allistic "social standards," so he's among the easiest for allistics to identify as autistic

Hyper-empathetic

But he doesn’t always know how to help. Wolfie is great for this

He has trouble with the sensory changes that come with shifting to/from his wolf form. Wolves and Hylians have very different sensory experiences, so adjusting between the two takes him a while. Once he's adjusted it's fine, it's just the adjusting itself that's hard

Has verbal shutdown episodes after meltdowns. They don't last super long, and he can usually talk again after a good night's sleep. He can communicate with sign during the episodes

Wolf pelt is comfort item

Favorite stims: touching good textures, rocking, humming

Harmful stims: biting his knuckles

Absolute favorite stim is rubbing his soft wolf pelt on his face, specifically over his mouth and on his upper lip

Special interests: goats, wolves. He knows every. Single. Fact.

Second most likely to infodump

Asexual, biromantic, sex-positive

Four

Too much gender to pick just one. They/them

Comfort item: a little wooden action figure toy thing their grandpa made for them. Four's had it their whole life and never ever goes anywhere without it. It's usually in a special pocket on the inside of their tunic

Most black and white thinker of the group

Four can't grasp or comprehend any nuance or sarcasm or anything in the abstract

They ask SO MANY questions, bc that is their way of understanding the world

They don't really understand most of Time's dad jokes, but they like it when the others laugh

Must be reminded to eat and drink water

Does not like touching other people or being touched by other people

Has more meltdowns than shutdowns

Their little body can't contain all the big feelings and the feelings have to come out somehow

Like Legend they also have a lot of trouble communicating feelings and needs

Biggest sensory issue: sensory symmetry. Everything must be even!!! Also big feelings ^

Favorite stims: they really like the smell of metal, bouncing on toes, spinning, love stim toys

Four never really stops stimming, but they've learned to do it discreetly (bc masking)

They love tinkering, and they love stim toys, so they've made themself a LOT of stim toys. They also love making stim toys for the rest of the chain. (They made a perfectly silent and very discreet one for Wars bc he has the most trouble unmasking)

Harmful stims: head banging

Special interest: tools. Four wants collect every tool in existence, and wants to know exactly what it does. Especially blacksmithing tools, bc Four also really likes blacksmithing

Demisexual, biromantic

Disclaimer: every autistic person has a different way of experiencing the world. I am only one person, so my experience is largely limited to myself. I tried to have links be very diverse in their experiences :)

Feel free to add some of your own autistic or otherwise neurodivergent headcannons!!!!!

[emaspie]

Love On The Spectrum

A few weeks ago, one of my pals told me they had just watched a docuseries on Netflix about autism and dating, called Love On The Spectrum. Not long after that, the Netflix algorithm put the show in my path, and I decided to give it a go. This decision was not easy; in the past shows with autism representation, like The Undateables, have often made me break out in hives. But there is always hope that representation will improve with time, and so I went into watching the show with this sliver of hope in mind. 

I’ve thought long and hard about how to frame my response, and indeed what my response even is, because the show elicited a whole range of emotions within me that took time to unpack. The saltier part of me wanted to lead with a Buzzfeed-esque list of Things Neurotypicals Will Learn From ‘Love On The Spectrum’, with such helpful lessons as “It’s absolutely OK and fine and normal to ask an autistic couple whether they have consummated their relationship!” and “It’s really important to know how devastated a parent is when they find out their child is autistic”. 

Humour is my primary coping mechanism in life but it is also a weapon that has been wielded against me on many occasions. It has often been hard for me to tell if people are laughing with me or at me, and as I watch shows like this I become more convinced that it’s ‘at’ rather than ‘with’. I think the show’s intention was to come off as ‘light and fluffy’ but, in my opinion at least, this made it feel like the show was making light of the autistic experience. Watching the series gave me a feeling that I have had at various times throughout my life: the feeling of being an exotic animal in a zoo enclosure, endlessly confused by people’s constant eyes on me and their reactions to my doing, well, anything. 

I have to say that there are elements of the show that are good: I appreciated the focus on autistic girls/women and diagnosis issues, and the show depicted people in long-term relationships as well as single people, which was interesting and cool to see. But there are also moments in the show that are bad, very bad. In one episode, Maddi prepares for a date by running through various conversation topics with her parents. They roleplay a conversation about wanting children, Maddi answers honestly and her parents tell her that her response is not valid, or at the very least a conversation killer. They run the scenario again and Maddi alters her response but it is still not very satisfactory in her mother’s eyes. Her father then tells her to ‘be herself’ and Maddi quite rightly calls her parents out, stating that they literally told her not to be herself. 

This is the strain that is put upon autistic people. At the same time as the world tells everyone to ‘be yourself’, it also tells autistic people that our ‘self’ is difficult, not palatable. Society tells us that we quite literally have to be something other than ourselves if we want people to like us. Put a mask on, and you better keep it on, because if you make friends or embark on a relationship and the mask slips away, they will become uninterested very quickly. ‘Successfully’ masking is a pyrrhic victory; for those of us that are able to mask, exhaustion and burnout will inevitably follow at some point. One solution to this, one might think, is for autistic people to look for an autistic partner; Love On The Spectrum exclusively pairs neurodivergent people together. I’m somewhat conflicted about this - on the one hand the idea makes a lot of sense to me, but on the other hand I (perhaps cynically) worry that neurotypical people watching the show will feel some sort of relief that they may not have to ‘deal’ with dating an autistic person, that neurodivergence will remain an abstract concept to them, merely a curiosity. 

At the end of the day, my response to this show is incredibly personal. It wasn’t made for me, as an autistic person, it was made with (I hope) the purpose of educating neurotypical people (and not, as is often the fear with these things, to use us as entertainment), but I cannot help but look out for every scrap of representation I can find because there isn’t much out there. Truthfully, watching Love On The Specrum took me to dark places, to the negative messages I have internalised about myself from the world. I have never been in a relationship, and I feel like I have a significant amount of baggage that hinders me here, whether it be my autism, my asexuality, or my inability to discern the exact nature of my feelings towards people. I try very hard to unlearn the idea that all of this is ‘baggage’, but when a show comes along that singles out autistic people as a group that struggles with relationships, even though people from all backgrounds can struggle with this, it becomes harder for me to refute the voice in my head that says that my autism makes me unlovable.