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ahgasegotarmy116 · 11 months ago

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Just Take It | Jeon Jungkook | Part Four

Summary: After last night you don't know where you stand but tensions are still high and you don't know what you really want. Pairing: Inexperienced f!reader x Best Friend's Dad Jungkook (20 year age gap) Word Count: 5.6K~ Warnings: Smuuuuttt, Explicit Language and a crap ton of pet names (I'm sorry okay I love pet names lmao) Same warning as before cuz ya'll wanted more smut haha. Horribly edited too so have mercy on me y'all I just wanted to get it out. a/n: Aw shit here we go again 🤣 Anyways ya'll asked and I delivered lmao so another smut chapter but next one is gonna be mainly plot alight 😂 gotta save some more smut for later 🫢 Requested by: @kkusadmirer 💜

Waking up the next morning I feel incredibly disoriented. 'Where am I? How did I get here? Why am I naked?' and at that last question I feel all the memories of last night rushing back to me.

Echos of the pet names and praises and the ghost of his fingers all along my body make every cell in my body buzz with need for more. I've never done something like that, something so...scandalous and with and man almost twice my age at that.

I thought that if I ever did something like this before I got married I would've felt shameful but I feel confident...wanted by someone who respects me for who I am and wanted nothing in return. It felt different that I thought it would've, having him hover over me, meeting me with his heated gaze. I wanted him closer. I wanted him to crawl under my skin and give me everything.

It's selfish to say I wanted more because he owes me nothing, he's given me so much and what have I given him in return? Nothing...

He says I've given him plenty but I still feel unworthy of his kindness. I have to do something to show him my thanks, to show him that I'm grateful for everything he's given me. I just don't know where to start.

~~~~~

Getting up and out of bed after I get my bearings was more difficult than I thought it would be. I felt almost a little sore from what we had done last night and I don't know if I should love or hate the sensation. Should I be mad that it got rough enough to cause this feeling or should I feel excited from still having a sensation left over from the pleasure he had given me?

As I continue to go round and round in my head with more useless doubts that run through my head I'm suddenly met with a light knock on the door.

"Um, just a second" I panic, looking around for something to cover up and notice the silk robe that had been placed on the bed and throw it on without a second thought before telling him to come in.

He opens the door and takes in my form for a second, biting his lip at the barely there fabric covering everything he saw last night. "Good morning" he husks out, his voice sending a shockwave between my legs making me cross them unconsciously, which garners a slight upturn at the corner of his mouth.

"Good morning" I squeak out, exposing my flustered state right away, cursing myself internally. "How'd you sleep?" he ask, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning up against the door frame, giving me space but somehow making his presence felt throughout the room.

"Amazing" I say, looking down at my feet in embarrassment, being honest but hating myself for it. "Yeah?" he prods, satisfied by my answer but begging to get that confirmation. "Yeah" I reply, nodding but still averting my gaze.

"Lunch is ready if you'd like to come downstairs. I check on you earlier to see if you wanted breakfast but you were still sleeping like a baby" he teases and if his voice alone didn't make me drop to the floor then that pet name at the end surely did.

"You alright?" he chuckles and I clear my throat before responding, knowing my voice would be no good if I tried to speak without doing so.

"I'm great, perfectly fine" I answer, glancing up at him before adjusting my robe and closing it around me even more. "I'll be waiting downstairs then. You can take your time getting dressed but you're also more than welcome to wear that all day" he taunts, pushing off the door frame and turning to leave after looking me up and down once more.

"I'll be down in a second" I call after him and wait for him to get downstairs before following the path he had just been on and running into my room, quickly but quietly shutting it behind me.

Leaning my head against the door I try to collect my thoughts and stop my racing heart that bound to explode at the next Baby, Bunny or Darling that's bound to come out of his mouth. 'It's just Jungkook. He's been nothing but nice to me and he seems like a really great guy.

We just need to talk and figure things out before something like that happens again' I coach myself and turn to face my room where I'm greeted with a freshly made bed and a single flower in a small vase.

'I can never catch a break with this man' I smile, shaking my head and dropping the robe to change into something more comfortable.

~~~~

"There she is" Jungkook say when he catches sight of me walking down the steps and into the kitchen where he has both of our lunches set out across the island from each other. "This looks so good!" I compliment the food he's made as he motions for me to sit down.

"I'm sorry it took me a while to come down" I apologize, sitting down and taking a drink of water before piercing a fork though the strawberry he has in a bowl full of fruit for us to share. "It's alright, I don't mind waiting for you. Seems like I tired you out last night so I'm glad you got some sleep" he say, smiling over the lip of his glass, making me choke on the next strawberry I had just placed in my mouth.

"You okay Darling?" he asks, handing me a napkin, with that last word aiding to my death by asphyxiation along with the strawberry lodged in my throat. "I'm fine" I choke out after a few more coughs and a drink of water.

"You seem rather jumpy today. Is something wrong?" he asks, tilting his head a bit and attentively waiting for my answer. "I'm fine, I think I'm still trying to wake up" I say, faking a yawn at the end to hopefully legitimize my claim. "Fair enough" he says, taking a bite of his food and grabbing his phone when it starts ringing.

"You can take that if you want" I say, taking a drink of water and glancing down at his phone before making eye contact with him. "No it's alright, I can take care of it later" he brushes off, silencing the call and taking a drink of water.

"So do you have any plans for the day?" he questions, looking at me as if I'm the most fascinating thing on earth. "Well, um, no not really. Do you?" I echo and when he goes to open his mouth to respond he's cut off by his phone ringing, not doubt from the same number again.

"Just take it. I'll be here when you get back I promise" I tease and he clears his throat, unbeknownst to me have flashbacks of when I asked him to take my virginity.

"It's for work, I'll be back soon" he says and I nod my head in response and close my eyes when he comes over to give me a kiss on the forehead like he's done time and time again but when I look up at him afterwards I see he hasn't made moves to leave.

His phone stopped ringing at some point which leave us with a lingering silence with so many words unsaid ultimately cut off by another incoming call. "I'm sorry" he whispers, his eyes glancing down at my lips before he turns around to head to his office answering with a curt 'What?' to whoever is on the other end of that call.

'I would hate to be that guy' I smile to myself, the vision of seeing him get mad comes to mind leaving my pressing my thighs together. 'Why am I so fucking horny these days?' I roll my eyes and continue eating my lunch, laughing at the sound of his frustration but hating that he's going through it at the same time.

~~~~~

It's been about a half an hour and he's still on the phone leaving me scrolling through mine until my brain feels as though it's turned to mush, a part of my brain occupied by him and only him.

As I hear another irritated sigh I decide I'll bring him some pain medication to help with the onset headache I'm sure he's having. It's gotta be a big problem if they're calling him on a Saturday morning.

I open the door slowly and peak my head in, being met with the sight of him with his laptop open and a mess of papers all over his desk. He looks up at me with an apologetic wince but waves me in nonetheless.

I raise my arms up, showing a full glass of water along with a bottle of pills and he mouths a silent 'Thank you' and I nod happily, proud that I made the right decision and place the glass on his desk while I open the pill bottle and drop a couple onto his palm to which he places them in his mouth and immediately chases it with the glass of water.

Watching as his Adam's apple bobs up and down as he gulps down the water has my head dizzy for some reason but I'm not sure why. While I'm trying to come up with an explanation some water spills on his cheek as he swallows the rest.

I feel as though my body has been taken over by an outer being because my reaction was to catch that stray drop of water off his cheek with my thumb and bring it to my mouth.

His eyes dart over to mine, wide in shock and leaving me feeling as though I'd done something wrong. My next move being to hightail it out of here but he stops me with a firm grasp on my hip, making me lean up against his desk next to him.

I make an effort to slip out of his hold but he gives me a warning glance, wordlessly telling me to behave and I do just that, shutting my mouth and watching as he works. He keeps a hand on my waist, making sure I'll stay, his thumb gently rubbing circles on my hip mindlessly where my shirt had risen up in my try to escape.

I do my best to keep my composure but the visions of last night flashing though my head makes it hard to control myself from rubbing my thighs together and I ultimately lose the battle.

Forgetting that he still has a hold on me earns me a knowing glance when he notices my actions, his gaze gradually getting more and more heated.

I lean back in an effort to get comfortable while I wait, my palms helping me balance on his desk behind me, leaving my chest sticking out a bit. I earn a tight squeeze on my waist as a warning to be patient and to stop squirming, which at the moment is very hard to accomplish with him looking so fucking sexy talking business with the man on the other line.

Was I relieved that it was a man calling him three times in a row on a Saturday afternoon? Yes, yes I was. It's none of my business though, nor do I have any grounds to have an opinion on it but his hand sliding up my waist says otherwise.

"Yes. Okay, okay alright was that everything? Okay well we'll pick this up on Monday morning. Thanks alright you have a good weekend too. Okay bye" he says, looking at me the whole time he finishes up his call, squeezing my waist now, making my breathing pick up and I know I'm in trouble when he hangs up the phone.

"You're a little minx you know that?" he says, turning his chair to face me and takes his hand off my waist only to slide it down my arms and hold my hand, placing kisses on my knuckles. "What do you mean?" I question, already breathless from the look of him sitting back in his chair, his legs spread wide and his gaze getting darker by the moment.

"You know what I mean. You came in here acting all innocent and helpful and next thing I know it you're licking water off my cheek? Seems pretty naughty Bunny. Don't you think?" he says while kissing the tips of my fingers, making sparks fly through my arms and straight to my head, keeping my gaze locked on his.

"I didn't lick it off your cheek" I say quietly but he lets out a dry chuckle in response. "Technicalities will get you nowhere sweetheart. Just admit that you wanted my attention, you were too impatient and couldn't even wait an hour for me to come back to you. It's okay, I won't laugh" he says, pulling on my hand and making me stumble onto his lap, my legs hanging over one of them.

"I- I just wanted to hel-" "I'm sure you did Darling and you were so thoughtful bringing me that medicine but I know you wanted something else huh?" he says while brushing away the hair that had fallen on my face when he pulled me down.

I shake my head but he cocks a brow at me, wordlessly telling me to tell him the truth so I in turn nod my head, admitting that deep down I did want his attention again.

"Now what was it that my Princess wanted? Did she just want attention or did she want to be touched again? Wanted me to take care of her again?" he taunts, taking note of all the times he's seen me rub my thighs together or get that breathless look on my face. I nod my head but he shakes his leaving me confused.

"If my Bunny wants something she's gotta use her words. Can you do that for me Darling? Can you use that pretty mouth of yours and tell me you want Daddy to touch you again?" he says, testing out a new name to call himself that's got me squirming again.

"Nuh uh none of that Darling, if you want something you've gotta ask for it. Now be a good girl and tell me what you want" he says, holding my hips in place, unbeknownst to me preventing me from rubbing my ass against him, still wanting to hold himself back.

His only priority and desire is to make me feel good and he wouldn't have it any other way. He knows I'm inexperienced and doesn't want to scare me away. He wants to take his time with me.

"I want you to..." I start, trailing off from embarrassment, not being used to saying stuff like this let alone to someone as intoxicating as him.

"What was that Bunny? Didn't catch that" he presses, clearly enjoying the internal struggle that's shown all over my face. If he didn't know I had a shit poker face then he sure as hell knows now. No matter how you slice it he'll always be able to read me like a book.

"I want you to touch me" I whisper and he leans in as if he couldn't hear me but my lips at this point are inches from his, the slightest movement connecting mine with his.

"Lie back for me yeah?" he asks, his lips ghosting against mine before grabbing my hip and guiding me to sit on his desk before pushing all of his papers and laptop to the side dramatically making me laugh at the motion until I notice his laptop falling to the floor. His eyes follow mine and notice said device and simply shrugs.

"I can buy another one" he mumbles against my lips before connecting them in a short lived kiss as he guides me down, my back against his desk while he hovers over me. "You wanna try something else?" he says, watching my expression change from one of nervous excitement to intrigue.

"You trust me?" he questions, watching my face for any hesitation but finds none. "Yes" I say, nodding my head and he smiles before placing a kiss on my lips. "Close your eyes for me yeah? I promise I won't put it in. Well, not yet" he says and my eyes bug out at his words, my legs that are wrapped around his waist pull him even closer in an effort to close my legs.

"You like that? You like the idea of me claiming you as mine? Me being your first, your first everything" he says, leaning down and placing kisses on my neck, his warm breath against my sensitive skin driving me insane. I shudder at the feeling and he chuckles before placing a kiss under my ear, garnering another shudder in response.

"Answer me Bunny. You want me to be your first everything? Want me to learn and teach you everything you need to know about your body and what brings you pleasure?" he says while tracing his right hand along my torso, ghosting his fingertips along my waistband.

"Yes. Yes, I want you. Please just take it, take everything" I mumble and he tsks at me, again leaving me confused. "I'm not just gonna take everything. I'm giving you as much as I'm taking love. If you're letting me have you then you have me in return. Never forget that" he says and I nod my head. "I won't forget" I utter and he smiles in response before telling me to close my eyes again.

"Can I take these off bunny?" he asks in regards to my leggings and I mumble out a quick 'yes' trying to hold the whimpers at bay from the thought of me letting him have complete control over me. I know I have the power to stop everything but I wouldn't want to. Not with him.

As he slides everything off me he curses at the sight of me. "Fuck you're dripping" he rasps and I try to close my legs in response, now truly feeling that sense of vulnerability "You've gotta stay nice and still for me Darling. Can you do that?" he asks and I respond with a whimper which satisfies him, having mercy on me this time.

He drags a finger along my folds just as he had done before, gathering up my arousal before circling around my bud, gaining him a soft moan in response. "Be loud for me yeah? Wanna hear you moan my name" he prompts, wanting to hear what his name sounds like when it passes through my lips filled with ecstasy.

He doesn't wait for a response and just continues to play with me just as he did last night but as I feel myself getting closer he pulls away leaving me groaning from the feeling of getting that high again being taken away.

"Ready for something new princess?" he asks, caressing one of my thighs and placing a kiss on the inside of it. "W-wait!" I flinch nervously, not knowing how to feel about this. I've heard about it before but I never knew if it would be something that I'd like.

"You want me to stop?" he ask, pulling away a bit and letting me take control. "I'm scared, I-i I don't know what it'll feel like. I'm not sure if I'll like it" I admit, feeling as though I was about to cum just from the thought of him doing that to me.

"I can stop if you'd like, it's up to you princess. I wanna make you feel good and this is something I think you'll love. I know it's something I'd love to do to you if you'll let me" he says, coaxing me into it since he knows I'm just nervous, placing a few more kisses on my skin, this time switching to the other thigh.

I take a few breaths and think about it but decide to trust him, just as he asked me to.

"I want you to do it" I let out, my cheeks burning up at the thought of what I'm asking for. "You want Daddy to eat you out?" he says smiling, loving the fact that I've still kept my eyes closed. I start to squirm, feeling his warm breath traveling further up my thigh, the anticipation driving me crazy.

"P-please" I choke out, tears prickling my eyes as the intensity of the moment increases. "Patience Princess. Remember what I said about being loud?" he asks, his breath fanning directly over my core, making me lose all sense of feeling except for what he's barely doing to me. He hasn't even touched me and I'm about to cum.

He leans in and gives a soft kiss to my clit, my legs spread wide and giving him full access to me. I take in a sharp breath at the sensation, my muscles locking up only for a moment but nonetheless catching his attention.

"You want me to keep going?" he whispers into me, his nose nudging my clit, making me clench around nothing and he notices right away, utterly exposed to him. I moan out a ‘yes’ and he smiles, placing a kiss on my upper thigh before going back in, slowly making out with my clit, his tongue tracing circles around it before traveling down to my hole that's begging to be full.

He licks inside me and watches my reaction, my brows drawn together and my lips parted, uttering curses when I feel him slip his tongue in further, the sensation driving me insane. My back arches off the table when he presses his face against me. His nose rubbing against my clit while his lip and tongue make out with my entrance.

If I were to open my eyes now I bet all I could see was the world spinning around me, the feeling of being drunk on him being my drug of choice and I don't think I'll ever be able to live without it.

"Fuck Jungkook" I moan out, this being the first time I get close to screaming his name and he growls into me before going back to playing with my clit, making me do it again. "You sound so sweet Bunny, but you taste even sweeter" he groans, watching as my chest rises and falls in the baggy shirt I've still got on.

"Do me a favor love and lift up your shirt, that's it. Wanna watch you play with your tits" he rasps out. Doing just as he asks I moan at the image of him watching me touch myself again, incredibly turned on by the though of it alone.

"There you go, you're doing so good for me. Look so pretty laying here and letting me play with you in my office. Fuck you're driving me crazy" he praises making me whimper in response.

"You like that? You like it when Daddy praises you? Like it when he tells you you're being so perfect for him? Pretty just wants to be worshiped doesn't she?" I let out a moan at the thought of him taking time and worshiping anything and everything about me. I try to close my legs again on impulse but he pries them open, growling at the thought of me hiding from him.

"I'm not done with you" he says, biting the inside of my thigh leaving me arching my back off the desk again, squeezing my breasts and making him even hungrier for me if even possible.

"Does my baby like pain? Does she want me to leave marks all over her as a reminder? A reminder of how you let me have my way with you while you were spread out for me on my desk. I'm not gonna be able to focus next time I have to work in here. Always gonna remember how sweet you taste and how adorable you sound" he says, licking the area he just bit before sucking a mark into the same spot.

I groan at the feeling, the slight sting from the bruise making me want to ask him for more. To mark me everywhere like he said, always leaving a reminder.

I scream at the feeling of him putting his mouth on me again, kissing, sucking, licking into me without mercy, catching me off guard by the intensity. I let out an incoherent string of curses, hoping he knows I'm begging for more and he moans against me, the vibrations sending shockwaves throughout my body.

"Don't stop, please please don't stop" I scream, the first decipherable words I've uttered in a while. On the cusps of ecstasy he growls into me when he sees me throw my hand over my mouth, embarrasses by how loud I'm getting. "Louder" he growls as a warning, not a request and so I do.

I get louder and louder, screaming his name with curses being the only other words in my vocabulary. I feel as his movements get more intense, now using his fingers as well and moments later a wave of pleasure is crashing down, making me let out any and every sound I could possibly make, my voice getting softer and softer and I start to come down.

Just when I feel like he's gonna stop he doesn't, he picks up the pace again which makes me whine in overstimulation, trying to wiggle away from him.

"You can give me one more can't you?" he asks, pulling back only to lick a stripe into me, taking time to suck my sensitive bud into his mouth. "N-no no I can't" I say, shaking my head and trying to push him off and he pulls back and chooses to lean over me.

"Just one more Bunny. I know you can" he encourages. Although I'm reluctantly saying no we both know I want to experience it, wanna experience coming undone one right after the other.

He comes down and kisses me, making me taste myself on his lips and I can't get enough of him, I want to be good for him, I want him. I whine when he delicately runs his fingers over me again "You're so swollen but I'm sure you can handle it, can't you Darling?" he taunts.

He pulls away from my lips and trails his down, kissing and sucking marks all over my chest giving me a bit more time to recover before deciding. "Yes, fuck yes" I moan when he greedily sucks one of my nipples into his mouth. My back arches again when he moans around it, making me desperately want to cum again, wanting it as much as he does now.

"Want you to watch me this time. Can you do that?" he ask, giving me one last kiss on the lips before sliding his tongue down my torso, stopping to bite my hip, breaking me out of the daze I'd been left in, asking me to answer.

I nod my head and he luckily takes that as a response, going easy on me since I'm still not fully there after what he'd done to me. What he's still doing to me...

~~~

After he makes me cum again I lose all sense of reality and I can barely tell up from down. He leaves the room only for a moment to get a warm towel to clean me up and I take that time to catch my breath, staring at the celling and trying to wrap my head around what just happened.

I jump at the feeling of him cleaning me up gently and he apologizes, going a little slower with a lighter touch, doing just enough before helping me sit up. "You with me?" he asks, steadying me as I still sit on his desk, swaying back and forth.

I turn my eyes to him and blink sleepily, smiling and taking in his handsome features and notice how red and swollen his lips have gotten.

"There she is" he coos, brushing my hair back and cupping my face, looking at me as if I was incredibly precious to him. Little do I know that that's exactly what I am to him.

That's a conversation for another time though. For now he'll just enjoy the dazed and freshly fucked look I give him, laughing at how adorable I look.

"You wanna bath?" he asks and I nod, making the corner of his lips turn up before he scoops me up. I cuddle into him and link my arms around his neck, enjoying the slight bouncing sensation I feel with every step he takes.

After he ascends the steps with ease I watch as we pass by my bedroom door and get confused as to why he's not taking me to bathe in there. I frown at him and he chuckles shaking his head and walking the both of us into his room.

"My bathtub is bigger and more comfortable" he explains and I nod, tightening my hold on him for only a moment before he guides me to sit on the edge of the tub.

"You want a bubble bath?" he asks, turning to look through his cabinet and pulls out two bottles, one that smell of lavender and the other of eucalyptus. I point at the lavender and he smiles, nodding his head and putting the other one back before walking over to turn the faucet on, adjusting it until it's just the right temperature.

"Do you take bubble baths Mr. Jeon?" I tease, earning a playful glare that breaks into a smirk moments later. "Who says grown men can't tale bubble baths? And it's Daddy to you" he says booping me on the nose, giving me butterflies.

"You like being called Daddy huh?" I tease again and he crouches down in front of me, putting us at eye level. "I dunno, sounded like you liked it back there too" he says, smirking when he sees me avert my eyes, this time placing a kiss on my nose before straightening up.

"Arms up" he orders and I lift them up so he can take off the last piece of clothing I've got left. "Who's shirt is this?" he asks, taking note of the oversize fit. "It's mine" I say truthfully, too quick for his liking though, making him suspicious of me. "Uh huh" he says slowly before throwing it in the corner of the bathroom.

With a look like that even I can tell that I won't be getting that back anytime soon. It really is my shirt though...

After he pours in the bubbles and I'm satisfied by their bubbliness (which he reminds me is not a real word) I get in and moan at the feeling of the warmth enveloping me. My muscles losing all of their tension as I breathe in the calming scent of lavender surrounding me.

"You enjoying yourself?" he chuckles, leaning up against the doorway with his arms crossed over his chest just as he had done this morning and I gulp at the sight. "Yeah, I needed this" I say, sinking further into it and being swallowed whole by the bubbles. "Well just call me if you need me" he says but before I can stop myself I quickly tell him 'No'.

He tilts his head to the side and smiles softly, taking in the precious sight of me surrounded by bubbles with almost a panicked look on my face, showing my honesty in wanting him to stay. "Can you sit with me maybe?" I ask, looking down and playing with the bubbles, shy that I'm begging for even more of his attention.

"Sure Darling" he says, grabbing a stool that was tucked in a corner and placing it right next to the tub so he can stay with me.

After a few moments of comfortable silence I break it with the one question that's been on my mind since I felt the air shift between us.

"Can I ask you a question?" I say, looking up at him, noticing that he's started to play around with the bubbles that rest high above the surface. "No" he answers, pushing a dampened strand of hair off my face.

"What?" I freeze, surprised at his answer. "I know what you're gonna ask so no. You can't, not yet. Let's get you cleaned up and well rested before we go there, alright?" he asks giving me a sad smile, so many words left unsaid behind those eyes, begging to be released.

I wait for a moment, studying him and notice that he looks almost...vulnerable. Something I had never seen from him before so I decide to just nod my head, returning the same smile before leaning back against the tub and sinking in a bit further, the water now just below my nose.

"Aye! Don't you go drowning on me in there" he chuckles and my eyes smile, glad my efforts of lightening the mood had worked.

Taking it a step further I choose violence and splash him, making the bottom of his shirt get wet. He gasps at the action and puts his hand over his chest "I make you a nice bath and this is how you repay me? The audacity!" he says dramatically before giving me a splash in return leaving me gasping just as he had done.

After exchanging a few more splashes and laughs we call it a truce and we sit there talking and joking around until the water goes cold, going back to that sense of normalcy that I was so scared that we might've lost...

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melancholy-of-nadia · 2 months ago

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heart on the window #2 (m) | ksj

title: heart on the window (m) pairing: ksj x reader(f) rating/genre: m (18+) ; smut ; roommates au / streamer/cam boy au / office worker au, childhood rivals to awkward roommates to lovers? au summary: Your life takes a wild turn after discovering what you believe is Seokjin's risqué secret, only for the following nights to leave you doubting your own reality. Was it loneliness and a shattered heart that conjured this delusion? As you try to move on, leaving your assumptions behind, you and Seokjin grow closer—until a late-night slip-up unravels everything... literally. note: it took me almost a month to update i have been busy at work.; i've edited this but there still may be some grammatical errors so apologies in advanced. warnings: roommate!Seokjin being such a green flag, adult content live streaming (camwork), explicit solo masturbation (from jin and also reader POV), voyeurism, descriptive use of toys, dirty talk, reader's emotional turmoil, Seokjin being perceptive and teasing, confrontation, sexual frustration, sexual tension. mild language, some implied sexual fantasizing, jin POV in the last quarter of the chapter drop date: December 20th, 2024, 12:00pm pst word count: 9.6k chapter 1 | chapter 3 crossposted on ao3 here

–

That good sleep that you were anticipating?

Gone.

Were you able to get some sleep last night?

Absolutely not.

Every time you’d close your eyes, all you would see is THAT: Seokjin Kim, sitting in his chair, stroking his cock with slow, deliberate motions, his face caught somewhere between bliss and control while a virtual audience eagerly watched.

Oh god, what the fuck did you get yourself into?

You can’t just continue living here like you didn’t see that.

Absolutely no way–

“Did you get a good sleep last night?”

The sound of Seokjin’s voice slices through the chaotic mind-fuck cluster of your thoughts, dragging you back to the present. You blink, startled, your mind scrambling for something—anything—to say.

“Huh? Oh, yeah, it was…nice,” you reply, though your tone is as flat as week-old opened grapefruit Spin Drift you’ve left out on the counter countless times in the past.

Seokjin chuckles, leaning against the counter with his arms crossed, giving you a knowing look. “That doesn’t sound very convincing,” he remarks before turning back toward the kitchen. You watch him as he grabs a carton of eggs, a frying pan, and other utensils with easy confidence, as though nothing is out of the ordinary.

Meanwhile, your head is spinning.

Does he have any idea what you saw? No, of course not. How could he? You clutch your mug of coffee tighter, willing yourself to keep calm and act normal, even though “normal” feels like a foreign concept right now.

Seokjin cracks an egg against the side of the pan with one hand, a skill that feels unnecessarily showy, and tosses the shell in the trash without missing a beat. “So, what’s your plan for today?”

“My plan?”

“Yeah, you know. Moving in, settling down. Unpacking those boxes.” He gestures with the spatula toward the pile of boxes you had left in the living room yesterday. “Or are you just going to live out of them for the next few months?”

You force out a weak laugh, trying to mask your unease. “I’ll get to them soon. Or well, eventually.”

Seokjin glances at you over his shoulder, his expression unreadable. “Yeah, you sure you’re okay? You seem… distracted.”

Distracted? That’s putting it lightly. You practically choked on your own thoughts all night, trying to process what you’d stumbled upon. Now here he is, looking every bit as composed and charming as ever, completely unaware of how he’s upended your mental state.

“Just a lot on my mind from the shit I’ve been going through,” you say vaguely, hoping he’ll just think about what you’ve previously told him and won’t press further.

“Fair enough,” he replies, flipping the eggs in the pan with a practiced flick of his wrist. “By the way, if you need anything for your room, feel free to let me know. I’ve got some spare furniture in storage if you need extra shelves or whatever.”

“Thanks,” you mumble, staring at your coffee as if it holds the answers to your predicament.

You spend the rest of breakfast in tense silence, with Seokjin humming softly to himself as he cooks. Every so often, you catch yourself stealing a glance at him—his broad shoulders, the black t-shirt that loosely fits his body, his easy movements, the way his hair falls messily over his forehead. And every time, your mind cruelly throws you back to that image from last night.

You barely touch your toast, and when Seokjin finally sets his plate in the sink and announces he’s heading out to work in the office since he has some meetings later this afternoon, you feel a wave of relief so strong it’s almost embarrassing.

As the front door clicks shut behind him, you slump against the counter, exhaling a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding.

What are you going to do? How are you supposed to face him every day without your mind going there?

If there’s anything that helps clear your mind, it’s organizing. The chaos of your thoughts seems to calm when you’re sorting, categorizing, and arranging. And thank god you have a lot of that to do right now with all the boxes cluttering your room and spilling into the living room.

Determined to regain some sense of control, you dive into it. First, the essentials—clothing, toiletries, and the work necessities you hope to use again someday. You find a rhythm: open, sort, fold, stack, repeat. The act becomes a form of meditation, letting you focus on the task rather than… other things.

After about two hours, just as you’re folding a stack of sweaters, your phone buzzes with an incoming FaceTime call. Your dear best friend Yunjin’s photo flashes across the screen.

You swipe to answer, her bright, cheerful face filling the screen instantly.

“Hey girl!!” she chirps, holding her phone up at an angle that shows a bustling street lined with shops and people.

“Hey, Yunjin!” you say, unable to hide your grin. “Haven’t seen your beautiful face in awhile. What are you up to?”

“I’m out shopping in Japantown,” she says, spinning her phone around to give you a quick view of colorful storefronts and an adorable bakery. “And I saw this cute Moomin plush keychain. It reminded me of you, so I’m gonna gift it you!”

A Gift?!

Your eyes widen. “N-No! It’s fine!”

Yunjin’s smile doesn’t falter. “Oh, stop it. I want to. Plus, it’ll give me an excuse to go visit you.” Yunjin lives a couple of hours away from you, so you don’t get to see her as often as you used to during college.

Despite her kindness, you feel a pang of guilt. Being unemployed has left you hyperaware of money, and the idea of your friend spending her hard-earned cash on you—without expecting anything in return—feels unbearable. But that’s just how she is. That’s just…Yunny.

“Really, you don’t have to,” you say, even as a part of you knows arguing with her is pointless.

“Too late!” she sing-songs, flipping the camera around to show the tiny Moomin plush with its sweet little face and scarf. “Tell me this isn’t so you.”

It is. It absolutely is.

You sigh, shaking your head but unable to keep from smiling. “Okay, fine. But at least let me treat you to a coffee.”

“Deal,” Yunjin says with a wink before turning the camera back to her. “So, how’s it going with your new place? Settling in okay?”

Your mind flashes to Seokjin, to the events of last night, and you swallow hard. “Uh, yeah. It’s… nice. Just getting things sorted.”

Yunjin squints at the screen, her expression turning suspicious. “You sound weird. What’s going on?”

Should you tell her? Absolutely not. She’d think the whole situation was bizarre—and worse, she’d probably call you weird for sticking around to watch him do that. You quickly decide to change the topic.

“Yunny, is there really no way I can stay with you for a bit of time?” you groan, leaning against the pile of clothes you’d been folding.

Yunjin’s brow furrows. “Oh, why? You don’t like your new place?”

“It’s… fine,” you hedge, glancing toward your door as if Jin might somehow overhear. “I just… I don’t know. It’d be nice to have you around again like old times.”

The truth is, you don’t want to leave this city. It’s the only place where the kind of opportunities you’re looking for exist. And besides, you love it here—the energy, the atmosphere, the food scene. Nothing else in or out of state even comes close.

But if moving meant getting away from the strange situation you’ve landed yourself in, maybe you’d consider it.

“Uh, well, sadly, no,” Yunjin says with a slight pout. “I thought one of my housemates was moving out to live with her boyfriend, but it looks like that was all talk. She’s staying put for now. They probably wouldn’t be okay with temporary couch surfing either.”

That makes sense.

“Oh,” you reply, deflated. “Okay.”

“Hmm.” Yunjin narrows her eyes, clearly unconvinced, but thankfully, she doesn’t press further. “Well, I can’t wait to see your new place. We’ll do a housewarming soon, okay?”

“Yeah, definitely,” you say, nodding along, though the thought of hosting a gathering here makes your stomach twist. How exactly would you explain Seokjin’s... side hustle to anyone if they happened to find out?

“Alright, I’ve gotta go,” Yunjin says, the bustling noise behind her growing louder. “I’m supposed to get lunch with Hanni and Stephen. Love you!”

“Love you too,” you reply, waving at the screen before the call ends.

You set your phone down, a mix of warmth and guilt settling over you. It’s comforting to know Yunjin has your back, but it also serves as a painful reminder of how far you’ve fallen. No job, no stability, and now living with a guy who… well.

You shake your head, refusing to let yourself spiral. There’s too much to do, too many boxes to unpack. For now, you focus on the small wins—folding clothes, sorting books, reclaiming a sense of order.

One step at a time.

You throw yourself into unpacking and organizing, letting the steady rhythm of your tasks distract you from your swirling thoughts. The hours slip by as you arrange books on shelves, hang up clothes, and shuffle boxes around to make the room feel less like a storage unit and more like a home.

By the time the sun begins to dip lower in the sky, you’ve made solid progress. Your room is starting to look presentable—cozy, even. The hum of activity keeps your mind occupied, though every now and then, stray thoughts about last night sneak in.

The sound of the front door unlocking jolts you out of your reverie. A moment later, Seokjin walks in, dressed in business attire, his tie slightly loosened and his hair tousled in that effortlessly charming way that makes it clear why his stream fans are obsessed with him.

“Hey,” he says, offering a small smile as he sets his bag on the counter. “How was your day?”

“It was good,” you reply, wiping your dust-covered hands on your jeans. “Got most of my stuff sorted out.”

He glances toward your room and nods approvingly. “Nice. Looks like you’ve been busy.”

“Yeah, I figured I’d get it all done before it starts to feel like a chore.”

Seokjin chuckles as he loosens his tie completely and drapes it over a chair. “Smart move. I should probably take a page out of your book. My closet’s a disaster zone right now.”

“Really?” you ask, raising an eyebrow. “You don’t strike me as the messy type.”

He shrugs, pulling open the fridge to grab a bottle of water. “It’s organized chaos. I know where everything is… mostly.”

You laugh softly, some of the tension you’d been holding onto easing as the conversation flows naturally. For the first time since last night, you don’t feel quite so on edge around him.

“Anyway,” he says, taking a sip of water and leaning against the counter, “I’m gonna change out of this and make something for dinner. You hungry?”

“Starving,” you admit, realizing you hadn’t eaten much while caught up in organizing.

“Cool. Give me like ten minutes,” he says with a grin, already heading toward his room.

As he disappears down the hallway, you let out another breath you didn’t realize you were holding. It’s going to take some time to feel normal here, but for now, small moments like this help.

Back to one step at a time.

Yes… one step at a time.

Jin reappears in casual clothes—sweatpants and a loose tee that somehow still manages to look good on him—and heads straight to the kitchen. You sit on the couch, doomscrolling on social media to consume random content to keep you busy in the meantime.

The comforting sound of clattering pots and pans fills the apartment, accompanied by the savory aroma of something delicious in the making.

When he calls out, “Hope you like pasta carbonara,” you can’t help but feel grateful he’s even making you food.

He doesn’t have to do this, but it’s nice that he is.

He sets the steaming pan on top of a hot pad on the table, followed by two plates, forks, and a sprinkle of grated cheese in a small dish. “Voilà. Gourmet dining at its finest.”

This actually looks like high quality italian restaurant quality presentation.

You take a seat, eyeing the dish appreciatively. “Woah? Fancy. Do you cook like this all the time?”

He grins as he spoons a generous serving onto your plate. “Not always. I have a rotation: this, ramen, steak, kimchi jjigae, and… takeout. Lots of takeout.”

You laugh, grabbing your fork. “Sounds somewhat balanced.”

“I try to keep it balanced but,” he agrees, twirling pasta onto his fork. “I also work out a bit too.”

“Nice,”

In your mind, you’re thinking “yeah, you’ve seen him workout alright”

This is really going to eat at you at this rate.

The two of you eat in comfortable silence for a while, the rich, creamy flavors of the pasta doing wonders for your mood. It feels surreal to be sitting here, sharing a meal with someone who, just days ago, you were convinced would be a terrible roommate.

The meal is delicious, better than you’d expected. For a while, you let yourself get lost in the comforting simplicity of eating—pasta twirling on your fork, the sauce aroma wafting up, the occasional clink of silverware against plates.

It feels… normal. Nice, even. But still, at the back of your mind, there’s a quiet storm brewing.

The night before keeps replaying in your head, uninvited and intrusive, like a broken record you can’t turn off. You glance at Seokjin as he eats, his features relaxed, his posture casual. How can he seem so normal when you know what he was doing less than 24 hours ago?

The mental tug-of-war begins: Should you just ignore it? Pretend it never happened? Or—

“So,” you blurt, interrupting your own thoughts, “what exactly do you do for work?”

Jin looks up, chewing thoughtfully before swallowing. “I work in marketing,” he says, reaching for his water.

You nod, encouraging him to continue. “Marketing for…?”

He grins, sensing your peaked interest. “Riot Games. You know, the League of Legends company?”

Your eyes widen. “No way! What! That’s so cool.”

That’s actually a pretty awesome career.

And so Seokjin of him.

“Yeah, it’s pretty fun. A lot of campaigns and community engagement stuff. It keeps me busy, but I like it. Games have always been my thing.”

That part doesn’t surprise you. Growing up, Jin was always glued to his Game Boy, computer or chattering about his latest high scores. This career seems like a natural fit for him.

“Of course, I remember that well,” you say, smiling. “Also explains the gaming setup.”

“The gaming setup?” Jin freezes for a fraction of a second, his fork hovering mid-air. His expression shifts from casual to guarded so quickly you almost miss it.

Shit.

You scramble to backtrack. “Uh, I just mean… you seem like the type to have a cool gaming setup, you know? Dual monitors, fancy keyboard, maybe some LED lights?”

His shoulders relax slightly, though his eyes remain sharp, watching you closely. “Haven’t shown you my room yet. How’d you know?”

“I didn’t,” you reply quickly, forcing a laugh. “It’s just a guess. I mean, come on, you work at Riot Games. Wouldn’t you have the gear to match?”

Jin tilts his head, a playful smirk tugging at his lips before he leans back in his chair. “Actually,” he says, his tone shifting slightly, “I’ve been a bit shy to mention this, but… I’m also a Twitch streamer.”

You already knew this from prior snooping, so you gotta act surprised.

Your fork pauses mid-air. “Woah? You are?”

He nods, a little sheepish now, which is a rare look for him. “Yeah. My old roommate actually got me into it awhile back. It started as a way to unwind after work, but then it kinda… took off. Nothing crazy, but it’s been fun.”

You don’t think that 200,000 followers is something to not be impressed about. That is a decently big audience for someone who hasn’t been doing it for too long.

That sparks your curiosity. “Really? What do you stream?”

“Well, gaming mainly as you saw,” he says, shrugging. “Some League, Valorant… a bit of variety stuff when I feel like it. My audience isn’t huge, but it’s a solid little community to talk with.”

Audience, right.

Your mind flashes back to last night—the setup, the webcam, the comments streaming on the screen—and your stomach tightens. He wanted to hide this from you but still has more to uncover, but he’s so good at hiding it. Well, at least until you caught him yesterday.

You try to keep your expression neutral as you ask, “Isn’t it hard to balance with your job?”

Seokjin shakes his head. “Not really. Most of my streams are at night, after work. I mean, I’m already up, so I might as well do something productive, right?”

Productive, you think, the word ricocheting in your head. If only he knew…

“That’s… really cool,” you manage, keeping your tone even. “Do you think you’ll ever go full-time with it?”

He laughs, running a hand through his hair. “Nah. I like streaming, but I don’t think I’d give up my day job for it. It’s more of a side hustle, you know? Keeps me busy and entertained.”

“Right,” you say, nodding. “That makes sense.”

“I’ll have to show it to you some time. Maybe even let you try the setup if you’re into games.”

Oh?

“Sure,” you say, nodding too eagerly. “That sounds fun. Though I’ve always been a Nintendo girl,”

“I do recall, and that’s fine by me. We could play Mario Kart!”

“That sounds like a lot of fun, Jin—”

The word slips out naturally, before you even realize it. You freeze mid-sentence, your lips parting as the familiar nickname hangs awkwardly in the air. You haven’t called him “Jin” since elementary school. It used to roll off your tongue back when you were kids, when he was just a goofy classmate you exchanged Pokémon cards with and competed against in dodgeball. But ever since reconnecting as adults, you’ve made a conscious effort to just refer to him by his full name, Seokjin. It felt more appropriate. More… grown-up.

And it created a boundary, which now feels undone by you calling him more casually. Curse you getting more comfortable with this man! His eyes widen slightly at the sound of it, his smile faltering for only a split second before softening into something warmer. “Jin, huh?” he muses, raising an eyebrow. “Haven’t heard you call me that in years.”

You swallow, cheeks warming as you try to play it off casually. “Oh. Uh, sorry— I just—”

“You just what?” he teases gently, clearly enjoying your flustered state.

You groan, covering your face for a brief moment. “It just slipped out, okay? Old habits die hard, I guess.”

“Hmm.” His voice hums with amusement, and when you peek at him through your fingers, he’s looking at you with a fond expression that makes your stomach flip. “I don’t mind it, you know. Kinda like it, actually.”

“You like it?”

“Yeah,” he says simply, shrugging. “It’s nostalgic.”

There’s a pause as the two of you exchange a quiet glance, something unspoken settling in the air between you. For a moment, you swear his gaze lingers on you just a little too long.

“Well,” you mutter, trying to brush off the sudden tension. “If you don’t mind it, I guess I’ll start calling you Jin again.”

His smile widens into something bright and genuine, then chuckles. “Good! Doesn’t feel too weird anyways since my Twitch chat calls me Jin as well.”

And you were flustered over this for nothing.

The conversation moves on, but every time you say “Jin”, there’s a flicker of something in his eyes—something you can’t quite place. You ignore it though, as his dirty secret continues to gnaw at your mind more than whatever he must be thinking.

Glancing at him as he finishes his pasta, a soft hum escaping him as he collects the plates.

You retreat to your room, bidding Jin a casual goodnight as he mentions his plans for the evening. “Gonna play some Elden Ring with my friends, and then stream a Pokémon randomized Nuzlocke at nine,” he says, grinning. “If you hear me yelling at any ungodly hour, just know it’s the RNG gods being cruel.”

“Good to know,” you reply with a small laugh before closing your door behind you.

Settling onto your bed, you decide to distract yourself with something immersive—Bakemonogatari. It’s been on your list for a long time, and felt like now would be a good time to watch it. The anime’s intricate dialogue and surreal visuals immediately pull you in, though it’s hard to focus completely with lingering thoughts of Jin playing games only a few walls away.

You shake your head, forcing yourself to focus on the screen. As the narrative deepens and the subtitles demand your full attention, your eyelids grow heavier. Soon, the soft glow of the laptop screen and the soothing cadence of the voice acting lull you into a deep sleep.

A good sleep.

The kind of sleep you’ve been craving after a long day of cleaning, unpacking, and organizing—a chance to reset and settle fully into this new chapter of your life.

Until a familiar sensation stirs you awake.

You blink blearily at the clock on your nightstand.

2:35 a.m.

Déjà vu hits you like a freight train. The thirst pulls you out of bed, an undeniable urge. With a groggy sigh, you shuffle out of your room and make your way to the kitchen.

The dim light from the hallway guides you as you grab a water bottle from under the sink. The cool plastic feels grounding in your hand as you twist the cap open and take a long, satisfying sip.

Refreshed, you glance around. It’s quiet, save for the faint hum of the fridge and the soft whir of your thoughts.

And then your gaze instinctively drifts toward Jin’s room again.

Not for the wrong reasons! you tell yourself defensively. It’s just… you’re checking on him. Making sure he’s okay!

Right?

Your bare feet make the softest pats against the floor as you tiptoe a little closer to the hallway leading to Jin’s room. Sure enough, a familiar sliver of light leaks from the partially ajar door.

But something’s different this time.

You squint, leaning just enough to peek in.

There he is.

Seokjin sits cross-legged at his desk, headphones on, illuminated by the glow of his monitors. But instead of his usual casual attire or the polished look he had earlier, he’s wearing a pajama set. A blue pajama set covered in cartoon characters. The sight of him in something so unexpectedly cute throws you for a loop.

On the screen, the familiar pixelated world of Pokémon sprawls before him.

“Okay guys, I should end the live here,” he says cheerfully, his voice carrying through the quiet apartment. “But I’m almost at the Elite Four! This team I have right now is pretty solid, even if we lost Moon the Lunatone. I’ll get through the rival battle and stop there.”

Your jaw slackens.

Wait, what?

Where’s the camwork? The NSFW content? The explicit… everything you’d stumbled upon last night?

Confusion swirls in your chest as you scurry back to your room, shutting the door as quietly as possible. You lean against it, clutching the water bottle in both hands as your mind races.

What is going on here?

Had you… imagined it? No, that couldn’t be right. The vivid image of last night flashes through your mind unbidden, heat creeping up your neck as you recall every mortifying detail.

But now? He’s just streaming a Pokémon Nuzlocke like a completely normal, wholesome gamer.

Maybe you dreamed it…?

You sit on the edge of your bed, clutching the water bottle as if it’s the only thing tethering you to reality.

Maybe you were just seeing things last night.

The thought plants itself firmly in your mind, and as much as you try to swat it away, it lingers. You were exhausted yesterday. Between moving, unpacking, and the emotional whirlwind of losing your job and your relationship, maybe your mind just… played tricks on you.

Yeah, that must be it.

There’s no way you actually saw Jin doing that.

You groan, burying your face in your hands. “Oh god, I’m losing it,” you mutter under your breath.

Still, the memory feels so vivid. The faint glow of his screen, his movements, the soft noises—ugh, stop it! You shake your head, desperate to push the images out of your mind.

But the scene you just witnessed tonight couldn’t be more different. Jin was just… Jin. Cute pajama set, gaming setup, and an audience of what you assume were adoring fans cheering him on as he streamed his Pokémon playthrough.

Totally innocent.

Totally normal.

You flop back onto your bed, staring up at the ceiling. Your chest tightens as you try to rationalize it all. Maybe the stress and lack of sleep made your brain concoct some wild scenario. After all, you’re in a new place with a guy you haven’t seen since childhood. Maybe it’s just your subconscious working overtime as you’re lacking physical touch.

That has to be it, you convince yourself, pulling the blanket over your face.

And that’s exactly what you’ve convinced yourself to think.

Over two weeks have passed, and from the few times you’ve stumbled out of bed late at night, you haven’t encountered anything remotely similar to what you thought you saw on your first night here.

It became easier and easier to believe you hallucinated the whole thing.

Stress does crazy things to people, you told yourself. You just need to focus on your life.

Still, the faint embarrassment lingers every now and then, but it’s manageable. After all, you’ve been busy with moving-in activities, refining your resume, and applying to jobs. Productivity has been your savior, keeping your mind occupied and away from thoughts of intimacy—something that feels uncomfortable ever since your last relationship ended in betrayal.

Order seems to have been restored.

Conversations with Seokjin (who you now refer to as Jin) have become more natural, the initial awkwardness dissipating as you become more comfortable with one another and you’ve settled into a rhythm. You respect each other’s spaces, and despite the occasional childish banter, the dynamic is easy, like good old friends reconnecting.

You’ve gone shopping together for groceries, evening outings to eat at a sit-in restaurant or even just go for a drive or walk to destress, which usually ends in getting ice cream or bubble tea.

It’s oddly casual, but you don’t mind that. This is how things should be now that you’re both adults.

It’s a Thursday at noon when you hear the doorbell and find a large package waiting for Jin.

[You: Hey, there's a big package addressed to you at the door? Where should I put it?]

After texting him to ask where to leave it, he eventually responds:

[Jin: Ah, thanks for letting me know. I was waiting on that to come in. Jin:Just put it in my room if you don’t mind!]

[You: Okay!]

And with that, you pick up the box and head toward his room.

It occurs to you as you step inside that this is your first time actually entering his space.

Jin’s room is, unsurprisingly, immaculate—spacious, well-organized, and undeniably him. The decor is a cute mix of his personality: shelves filled with gaming figures, an impressive collection of games, and stuffed animals of his favorite creatures scattered across the bed. There’s even a small shrine to Mario and Kirby in the corner that makes you grin.

You place the package on his bed as instructed and turn to leave, but something catches your eye.

His monitor.

The screen is still on, displaying a cluttered web browser with more tabs open than anyone should realistically have. You almost laugh at the chaos of it—thirty, maybe forty tabs?

But then your gaze lands on one in particular.

A small icon. A name.

Chaturbate.

Your heart skips a beat.

Oh. My. God.

It’s like the carefully constructed world of denial you’ve built over the past week shatters in an instant.

No way. No, no, no, this can’t be?!

Your feet feel glued to the floor as your mind races. This can’t be real. Why would Jin have that open? Wasn’t it just a mistake that night? A fluke? A hallucination?!

And yet, here it is. Right in front of you.

Your stomach flips as hell’s gates open again, memories from that night rushing back in vivid detail.

Curiosity claws at you, relentless and insistent. You know you shouldn’t, but the urge to know is overwhelming. If it really is what you think it is… then maybe, just maybe, you can confirm it and put this strange, lingering mystery to rest.

Your heart pounds in your chest as you step closer to the desk. The glow of the screen feels accusatory, like a spotlight shining on your guilt. This is so wrong, you think, but your hand still moves.

You nudge the mouse, waking the monitor from its idle dimness.

The browser window expands to full brightness, revealing the countless tabs more clearly now. You spot the one labeled Chaturbate. Your fingers hover over the mouse, trembling slightly, and before you can talk yourself out of it, you click.

The page loads immediately.

And there it is.

The profile is still open, though it’s not broadcasting live. A banner at the top reads: "Offline – Streams Scheduled 3x a month. Next stream: Tonight at 1:30AM."

The alias catches your eye immediately, bold and unmistakable at the top of the page: "BigTunaManXOXO"

Big Tuna Man?

You have to chuckle, though the sound feels unnatural in the stillness of the room. Well, he did mention he likes tuna when you two had sushi two days ago. You shake your head in disbelief at how absurd the situation is.

Scrolling a little more, your heart races as the tags and content descriptions appear on the screen. Tags like casual play, NSFW, punishment, and even interactive fill the list, confirming everything you feared—and hoped—was true.

What did you expect? you think, eyes scanning the content. His previous streams, unlocked for paid viewers, show glimpses of what you had seen—shirtless moments, fan interactions, and those subtle teases. Some comments from regular viewers flash on the screen: "You’re so cute, Big Tuna. Gonna get your next stream tonight?"

A pit forms in your stomach as you scroll further, seeing the balance of gaming content mixed with something... different. There are a few VODs, some marked with glowing red icons and some tagged with things like solo play, toys, edging and private sessions. Your breath catches in your throat as you click on one of the unlocked streams. It starts to load, and before you can stop yourself, you’re staring at a past broadcast.

Seokjin.

In a black Alo Yoga hoodie and 5” inseam black shorts. The camera angle is different now, the lighting softer, more intimate. His voice comes through clearly, playful, teasing. You watch as he interacts with the chat, joking around with his viewers, and then... he moves the camera just enough that you can see the lower half of his face for a moment—barely anything though, but enough to confirm it’s him to you, who has been seeing him every day since you moved in with him.

His usual smile is replaced by something softer, more relaxed, more... flirty.

And then, there it is.

The content, the movement—just like you saw that first night. The subtle, slow gestures that make everything come rushing back, and for a moment, you forget to breathe.

You harshly click the tab shut, returning to the previous tab it once was. Quickly, you leave Jin’s room, making sure not to disturb anything else. The echo of the laptop snapping shut still rings in your ears, and your hands are trembling slightly as you step back into the hallway.

You hope it doesn’t look like you lingered too long. The last thing you need is for him to know you were snooping around, even accidentally. You slip back into your own room, shutting the door behind you, and lean against it, exhaling shakily.

This is too much.

You now have undeniable proof. Solid, irrefutable evidence that the man you’re living with, sharing meals with, and chatting about Pokémon and pasta with... is a cam boy. A cam boy doing porn and who’s managed to keep this side hustle hidden under layers of casual charm and everyday normalcy.

It’s not the fact that he does that kind of work that bothers you, not at all. If anything, it’s more… personal than that… The memory of what you saw—his expressions, his movements—lingers in your mind like an unshakable phantom, making your body feel uncomfortably warm and restless. You sink onto your bed, burying your face in your hands as if that will somehow erase the imagery burned into your brain.

Get it together, you tell yourself.

But curiosity—it’s a relentless beast. The harder you try to shove it down, the more insistent it becomes. Questions start to pile up, each one more intrusive than the last.

Does anyone recognize him? Do his fans know?

You grab your phone, desperate for answers, and open Reddit. If there’s one place on the internet where secrets can’t stay buried, it’s here. Your fingers fly across the keyboard as you type: Gamer Jin and BigTunaManXOXO Reddit.

The search yields only two results. Two. A drop in the ocean of online gossip and speculation, yet still enough to send your heart into overdrive.

You tap the first thread: “Jin and BigTunaManXOXO: Double Life?”

The original poster’s comment pulls you in instantly:

“Okay, is it just me, or doesn’t he sound like this cam boy BigTunaManXOXO? Literally has the same voice, same mannerisms... someone tell me I’m not crazy.”

The replies are a mix of disbelief, humor, and outright denial. Some users dismiss the theory as absurd, calling it disrespectful to Jin. Others joke about the sheer randomness of the comparison, adding memes and GIFs for good measure.

But a small minority entertains the possibility.

“I mean… I’ve seen his streams. The way he laughs does sound kinda similar…”

“I don’t think it’s him, but if it were, that would be WILD.”

One reply makes your stomach churn:

“Not saying it’s him, but I subscribed to BigTunaManXOXO just to fantasize about him being Jin. No regrets.”

You stare at the screen, your mind spinning. The majority of commenters don’t believe the theory, dismissing it as pure coincidence. But they have no idea how close they are to the truth.

And now, neither can you unsee it.

Seokjin arrived home that evening with a bright smile and the unmistakable aroma of takeout wafting through the apartment. The bags he carried crinkled as he shifted them in his arms, his voice ringing out cheerfully, “Guess what I got? Bao buns! And a few other things, but mostly the bao buns—because I remembered you mentioned them earlier this week.”

You hear a knock at your door a moment later, and you pause, nerves prickling under your skin. You take a deep breath, steadying yourself before opening it. Seokjin stands there, still dressed in his work clothes but with his usual easygoing grin.

“Dinner’s here. Come eat,” he says, gesturing toward the living room with the bags.

You nod, smiling back, though it feels a little forced. “Thanks, Jin. That’s really thoughtful of you.”

His sharp eyes linger on you for a beat too long, and you know he’s caught the slight edge in your tone, the nervous way you’re holding the door. He doesn’t say anything, but his expression shifts—subtle, curious. He doesn’t push, though; that’s not his style.

Instead, he leans back casually and adds, “I figured we could eat and watch something. Maybe an old favorite of yours?” He raises a brow, the corners of his lips tugging upward knowingly. “Bleach? I noticed you have some merch on your bookshelf.”

Your heart skips a beat, both from the thoughtful gesture and the fact that Seokjin’s perceptiveness always seems to catch you off guard. Does he see right through me? Does he know what I found?

“Bleach sounds good,” you say quickly, hoping to steady yourself. “Let me just grab something, and I’ll meet you in the living room.”

“Cool,” he says, his voice calm but tinged with something else—maybe a touch of inquisition. He walks off toward the kitchen, leaving you alone for a moment.

You close the door softly, leaning your head against it. Why does he have to be so…—you search for the right word—attentive? It’s like he has a radar for when something’s wrong. And now, dinner and your childhood favorite anime feel like a test of your ability to act normal.

A few minutes later, you join him in the living room. The coffee table is already set with the takeout containers: bao buns, lo mein, orange chicken, and fried rice. Jin is on the couch, flipping through streaming options until he lands on Bleach. He looks up and pats the cushion next to him.

“Sit. I already started the episode where Ichigo reunites with Rukia and the other Gotei 13 soul reapers. Start of my favorite arcs.”

You sit, the warm scent of the food making your stomach growl despite the anxious knot twisting inside you. Seokjin slides a plate toward you, and the two of you settle into a rhythm—eating, watching, occasionally commenting on the nostalgia of the show.

But the tension lingers.

Out of the corner of your eye, you catch him glancing at you between bites, as if trying to figure out what’s on your mind. And you wonder just how long it will take before his curiosity outweighs his patience.

As you both finish up the episode of Bleach, Seokjin turns to you, his gaze warm yet inquisitive. “So, how was your day?”

You pause for a second, collecting your thoughts.

What to say? What did you do today before your world got flipped upside down… Oh right… the job interview. “Busy,” you say with a small laugh. “I had a second interview earlier for a job.”

His eyebrows lift, impressed. “Oh? What’s the role?”

“It’s for a coordinator position at a small fashion house,” you explain. “It went… great, actually. But I don’t think I’ll get it though.”

Jin frowns, leaning slightly closer. “Why not? You just said it went great.”

You shrug, letting out a sigh. “I don’t know. It’s just a gut feeling, I guess. Fashion’s cutthroat, you know? The people in that industry are quick to judge if you don’t fit the vibe they’re looking for. You can have all the skills, a good background, everything—but it’s still not enough sometimes. I don’t think I got what they want.”

He watches you for a moment, then sets down his plate and reaches across the table. His hand finds yours, warm and grounding. “Hey,” he says softly, his voice steady. “You are good enough. I know it’s hard not to overthink, but you have to believe that you bring something special to the table.”

Your chest tightens at his words, the sincerity in his tone. His thumb brushes your knuckles gently, and that nervous feeling blooms again, tugging at the edges of your thoughts. There’s something so familiar about this—like nostalgia wrapped in uncertainty. It’s comforting, but it scares you all the same.

You blink, pulling your hand back as casually as you can without it seeming abrupt. “Thanks, Jin,” you say, your voice tight. “I… I should probably get ready for this international networking seminar I have. It’s later tonight so I’ll be up for awhile.”

He tilts his head slightly, concern flickering in his expression, but he doesn’t press. “Right. Well, good luck with it. Let me know if you need anything.”

“Right back ‘atcha,” you reply quickly, standing up. You gather the disposable utensils and plates in a hurry, tossing them into the trash before he can say anything else.

Seokjin stays seated on the couch, his gaze lingering on you as you retreat to your room. The moment you close the door behind you, you exhale sharply, pressing your back against it.

Why does he have to be like this? So supportive, so perceptive, so… kind?

This is not the Seokjin you imagined when you decided to move in here!

You shake your head, trying to refocus your thoughts. You have work to do. The seminar is important, and you need to be prepared. But even as you sit down at your desk and open your laptop, you can’t shake the image of Jin’s hand on yours or the soft encouragement in his voice.

It’s almost enough to make you forget what you saw earlier today. Almost.

Would it do you any good to force yourself to forget? Pretend that the tab you saw was just a fleeting mistake, an inconsequential moment in time?

Or would it be better to confront this unsettling curiosity head-on? Maybe, if you understood more about his “side hobby,” you could find a way to desensitize yourself. Make it less of a big deal. Normalize it in your head.

The thought gnaws at you until you’re lying in bed at 1:28 a.m., the glow of your laptop casting a dim light across your room. You’re wearing your old blue track shorts and a faded YMCA T-shirt, the kind of comfort wear you don’t expect anyone to see you in. You thought the seminar would last longer, but with some guest speaker changes, it ended right at 1am.

So now you’re doing this.

The chat on the pending livestream is already alive—rows of messages racing up the screen, eager fans buzzing in anticipation of “BigTunaMan’s” arrival.

You can’t believe you’re actually doing this.

You glance at the clock again. One minute to go.

Then, he appears.

The camera flicks on, revealing Seokjin—or BigTunaMan, as his audience knows him—seated in his chair, the warm glow of soft lighting the only facially visible part of him: his lower half of his face and the subtle curve of his smirk. He’s wearing a loose tank top, the kind that clings just enough to hint at the lines of his shoulders and chest, paired with pajama bottoms that ride low on his hips. His demeanor is relaxed, confident, and undeniably captivating.

“Hey there, my army of lovers,” he greets, his voice lower, smoother, each word deliberately stretched out as if he’s tasting them. The chat floods instantly with messages, adoration pouring in from every corner of his audience.

“BigTunaMan, looking gorgeous as always!”

“Omg, talk slower, I can’t handle it.”

“Take all my money, please.”

Jin leans forward, resting his chin in his hand, his lips curling into an indulgent smile as he reads through the comments. “You’ve all been so patient tonight,” he purrs. “So how about I spoil you a little?”

He picks up a small bowl of strawberries from beside him, holding it up for the camera. The way his fingers brush over the fruit feels intentional, sensual, as though he’s fully aware of the effect he has on the people watching.

“Let’s start simple,” he murmurs, his gaze flickering to the chat, teasing. “A little ASMR snack to set the mood. And of course, I’ll be saying your names—if you’ve earned it.”

The screen lights up with donations almost instantly, usernames accompanied by desperate messages and heart emojis.

He picks a strawberry from the bowl, holding it delicately between his fingers, and bites into it slowly. The sound is soft but amplified, deliberate, and his eyes never leave the camera. He chews thoughtfully, his tongue darting out briefly to catch a stray bit of juice.

“Thank you, PurpleHeart94,” he whispers, his voice silky and intimate. “You’re so generous tonight, baby.” He takes another bite, his gaze steady and smoldering. “And you, HentaiPrincess420—what a sweet name. Thank you for spoiling me when I should be doing that to you.”

Shit… He’s so smooth.

The chat goes wild, messages pouring in faster than you can keep track of them.

He takes his time, naming off more donors, each one met with a sultry thank-you, his tone dripping with playful affection. By the time the strawberries are gone, the tension in the air feels palpable, even through the screen.

Jin leans back in his chair, running a hand through his hair as he speaks. “Now that we’re warmed up,” he says, his voice dropping lower, “how about we move on to something… a little more sexy?”

Your breath catches.

“The touching session,” he says simply, his hand trailing down his chest slowly, almost lazily. The camera angle shifts slightly, framing him in a way that feels more intimate, inviting, as if he’s closing the distance between himself and his audience.

You’re not sure whether you should close the laptop or keep watching, but your fingers remain frozen, hovering over the keyboard.

The chat explodes:

“YES, PLEASE!”

“Touch me instead!”

“PICK ME CHOOSE ME BigTunaMan!”

Jin chuckles, the sound low and resonant. “Patience,” he chides softly. “We’ve got all night, haven’t we?”

The camera zooms in slightly, drawing your focus to the deliberate, almost hypnotic movements of Jin’s hands as they trail over his skin. His voice, smooth and sultry, seeps into your ears like honey, wrapping around your thoughts and making it impossible to concentrate on anything else.

“Do you like this?” he murmurs, his tone so intimate it feels like he’s speaking directly to you. “Tell me how much you want it.”

The chat erupts in eager replies, but they’re a distant hum compared to the pounding of your heart. You can’t look away.

Though he keeps his face just out of view, it’s his voice that captures you, that low, velvety timbre punctuated by soft, breathy moans. They’re unintentional, almost reluctant, but they strike something deep within you.

You swallow hard, your throat dry, as your eyes remain glued to the screen. The way his hands move—slow, teasing, purposeful—sends heat coursing through your body. Every movement is a study in precision, a dance of tension and release that makes your breath hitch.

You feel your body responding in ways you didn’t expect. Warmth pools low in your belly, and your thighs press together instinctively. Your fingers hover near the trackpad, ready to click away but unable to follow through.

“This feels good, doesn’t it?” he continues, his voice breaking into a soft groan that sends a shiver down your spine. Why is this actually feeling…good. You can’t stop yourself from imagining those hands on you, guiding you, making you forget everything—your ex, the breakup, the shitty job market, the confusion of the past weeks.

For a moment, you close your eyes and let the sound of his voice wash over you. Your fingers inch lower, hesitating, as you let yourself get lost in the moment. You’re not thinking about the consequences, about what this means. You’re thinking about him—his hands, his voice, the heat building inside you.

The guilt simmers beneath the surface, but it’s drowned out by the relentless pull of desire. The screen lights up your room, but it’s his voice and movements that light you up inside. You barely notice the chat anymore; it’s just you and him in this moment, an unspoken connection through the glow of the laptop.

Your breath comes in shallow gasps as your hand moves on its own accord, slipping under the waistband of your shorts. You close your eyes again, imagining his hands instead of your own, his voice murmuring your name instead of the ones flooding the chat. For the first time in weeks, maybe months, you let yourself feel without holding back.

In this moment, nothing else matters. Fuck the breakup you had with Mingi. Fuck the stress of job searching. Fuck the awkwardness of living with him. And most importantly, fuck the consequences of watching this. It’s just him, the way he makes you feel, and the heat that consumes you completely.

Your breath hitches as your hands wander further, slipping under your shirt to tease at your nipples, fingers rolling and pinching lightly. Each touch sends sparks of pleasure shooting through you, but it’s not enough—not compared to what you’re watching on the screen.

Not like Jin’s movements at all.

Jin’s hands move with expert precision against his dick, his body shifting slightly as he leans into the motions. His moans, soft yet intentional, echo in your ears, spurring your own need higher. You slide your shorts down your hips, the cool air kissing your skin as they drop to the floor.

Your fingers dip lower, grazing over the slick heat pooling between your thighs. It’s good, but not nearly enough. You want more. You need more.

With a frustrated sigh, you pull yourself away from the bed, heart pounding as you open the drawer of your nightstand. Your fingers quickly locate the toy nestled among your folded underwear. It’s a guilty secret you’ve kept for moments like this, though none of those moments have ever felt as charged as this one.

You crawl back onto the bed, the glow of the screen casting shadows over your skin. Jin’s voice fills the room, low and enticing, as he murmurs, “You want me to keep going? Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you.”

Your thighs clench involuntarily at his words, your hand trembling slightly as you press the toy against yourself. The first vibration jolts through you, a gasp escaping your lips as your body arches into the sensation.

On the screen, Jin leans back slightly, his voice dipping even lower. “Just relax,” he says, as though he knows exactly what you’re doing. “Let me make you feel good.”

You follow his lead, letting the toy work against you as your free hand resumes teasing your chest. The pleasure builds steadily, your movements syncing with his as if he’s guiding you through the screen.

Every sound he makes, every deliberate motion, heightens the sensation coursing through you. You bite your lip, trying to stay quiet, but a soft moan slips out despite your efforts. The rhythm of the toy against you matches the cadence of his voice, and it feels as though he’s right there, coaxing you to the edge. You feel yourself almost reaching your orgasm.

But then…

The darkness in the room is lit by the various colored lights and monitor screens as Jin’s chest rises and falls. He begins to slows his movements on his cock, his fingers curling reflexively against his skin. For a brief, unguarded moment, his mind conjures your image—your laughter from earlier at dinner, the way you nervously tugged at the hem of your shirt when he reached out to reassure you.

Woah, what.

Why am I thinking about her right now?

The thought crashes into him like a freight train, shattering his carefully constructed cam-boy persona. His rhythm falters, and as he shifts back abruptly, his elbow knocks into the small Mario figure perched on the edge of his desk.

The figure wobbles, teeters, and then tumbles, the plastic base snapping cleanly off as it hits the hardwood floor.

“Shit!” Jin hisses, his hands flying up to stop the disaster that’s already occurred.

He quickly reaches for the webcam, clicking off the feed and muttering a quick excuse to his audience. “Hey guys, I’ll be right back. Technical issue. Don’t go anywhere.”

The chat floods with reactions—some disappointed, others supportive—but Jin pays them no mind. He gets himself covered up, with his focus no on the broken Mario figure in his hands.

He turns it over, the damage glaringly obvious. It’s just a silly little figurine to anyone else, but to Jin, it’s so much more. You’d given it to him during a Secret Santa exchange in elementary school. It was back when you were both just kids, long before life got complicated and your paths diverged.

He’d kept it all these years, quietly treasuring the memory of that moment, even if you probably didn’t remember.

“Damn it…” he mutters under his breath. He needs super glue—immediately.

The thought strikes him like lightning: you bought super glue just the other day to fix a keychain. You even mentioned it offhand while you were unloading groceries together.

You must have it in your room.

Without hesitation, Jin stands, his mind racing with urgency. You’d said you’d be up late for some seminar, so you’re probably awake. There’s no time to text or knock; he can just explain in person. You’re a few steps away anyway.

He pushes your door open, stepping inside in a rush, only for the world to come screeching to a halt.

His eyes widen as they land on you—sprawled on your bed, your shirt rucked up to expose bare breasts and heat, your shorts kicked off and forgotten. The unmistakable hum of a vibrator fills the air, the glow of your laptop illuminating your flushed face.

Holy shit, he just caught his new roommate and childhood rival… friend? masterbating.

Your hand freezes mid-motion as you look at him, your expression a mixture of shock and mortification.

For a moment, neither of you moves.

“I—” Jin stammers, his voice catching in his throat. His gaze darts away, his face heating up so fast it feels like it might combust. “I—oh my god—I’m sorry! I didn’t mean—”

Your own voice fails you, a strangled moaning sound escaping your lips as you scramble to pull the blanket over yourself, fumbling in a panic.

“W-What the hell, Jin!” you manage to croak, your voice high-pitched and shaky.

“I needed super glue!” he blurts out, clutching the broken Mario figure in his hands like it’s the most important thing in the world. “For this! It’s broken, and I—”

“This couldn’t wait?!” you snap, the mortification only growing as his words fully sink in.

Jin takes a step back, clearly flustered. “I didn’t think—! I mean, I thought you were—”

He freezes mid-sentence, his eyes darting to your laptop screen. His breath catches as the realization washes over him.

That’s my stream.

For a moment, the room is suffocatingly silent, his wide-eyed gaze flicking between you and the unmistakable paused screen of his cam boy persona on your laptop. You're watching me? The thought echoes in his mind, equal parts flattered and horrified.

Jin had sensed something was off earlier in the evening, even before all of this unfolded. After dinner, when he’d returned to his room, he’d noticed the Chaturbate tab—closed.

That was odd.

He distinctly remembered leaving it open before leaving for work this morning. He’d scheduled some exclusive content for his next stream and had moved the tab to a less conspicuous window. He figured maybe he’d closed it in a rush and forgotten.

But now, as he stood here, watching your flushed face buried in your hands, it started clicking into place.

Your awkward behavior during dinner—the way you fumbled through your answers, the slight tension in your laugh. He’d assumed you were just jittery from nerves after your job interview, but this? This was something else entirely.

How long have you known?

The realization settled in his chest like a slow-building weight, pushing him further toward clarity. His gaze softened, not with pity, but with a blend of intrigue and confusion.

“Y/N, you’re watching my camming stream?” he finally says, his voice low, incredulous.

You groan, your hands flying up to cover your burning face. “Oh my god. I can explain—no, wait, I can’t explain. Just—” You trail off, wishing for the earth to swallow you whole. Your voice is muffled through your palms as you mutter, “This isn’t what it looks like at all!”

You're kind of cute, all flustered like this, he thinks to himself.

Jin crosses his arms, leaning against your doorframe, and his lips quirk up into a lopsided smile. There’s amusement in his eyes, but also something more—interest, maybe? He tilts his head slightly, watching you squirm.

Maybe he should tease her a little, like old times.

“Wow,” he finally says, his voice low and teasing. “Have you been that lonely?”

Your head snaps up, your face somehow growing hotter. “What? No! I mean…” You falter, the truth sitting heavy on your tongue, and you look away, unable to meet his gaze. “Okay, maybe a little. The breakup was actually that bad and um…but this—this isn’t about that.”

He takes a step closer, his smirk softening into something gentler. “You could’ve told me.”

“Told you what?” you ask weakly, your heart pounding as he stands just a few feet away now.

“That you’ve been feeling like this. That you needed…” His voice dips, and his dark eyes flicker over you, lingering just a little too long. “Some help...”

Your breath catches, and you swallow hard, trying to keep your voice steady. “Seokjin, I don’t—”

“I could help,” he interrupts, his tone soft but unmistakably suggestive.

The weight of his words settles over you like a warm blanket, and for a moment, all you can do is stare at him, your mind racing. Is he serious? Does he mean what you think he means?

No, like why would he? What does he gain from this? Even he himself wonders.

“You could help?” you repeat, your voice barely above a whisper, as if saying it out loud would shatter whatever fragile tension exists between you.

His eyes lock onto yours, and the look he gives you is steady, confident, and almost daring. “Yeah,” he says. “If you’d let me.”

He doesn’t think you’ll actually accept it, if anything, this is probably time for you to officially kick him out–

“Then help me, already.”

–

a/n: this is really long chapter because i really wanted to add some psychological warfare going on in reader's head + some character development as these two "childhood rivals" start to befriend each other now in their adult lives. i hope you enjoy this chapter. happy holidays!! thank you all for the support and for reading!

➸ let me know what you think OR join the taglist for future works! ➸ check out my masterlist for other fics I have made

#seokjin x reader #seokjin x y/n #jin x reader #bts x reader #bts jin #bts smut #jin smut #bts imagines #bts reactions #smut #heart on the window #bts reader insert #bts fic #bts x fem!reader #jin fic #camboy au

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aliesbienish · 5 months ago

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The study of wolves - Part four

chapter one ✩ chapter two ✩ chapter three

“This is it,” you declared, confirming your GPS location with the ones of the latest wolf sighting.

It was still a fairly wood area, only a small clearing letting in a circle of sunlight. You placed your bag on the side of the trail and began to have a scan of the area.

Paul watched you in awe as you examined the ground for paw prints and the brush for any animal made tracks. After a few minutes you saw an area of flattened grass a few feet off the trail that peaked your interest. The animal made path left the small clearing and continued on downhill, meandering past rocky outcrops and large pine trees. Importantly you can hear the faint sound of flowing water in this distance, making the path a possible trail from den to the stream.

“Can you bring me my backpack?” You yelled to Paul.

“Here you go,” Paul passed over the bag a few minutes later. You went searching for the small motion sensor camera tucked at the bottom. “You found something?”

“Yup, our first spot! There is an animal trail here, you see? I’m not a hundred percent sure it’s our wolves, but the location makes sense with the water down that way and possible den locations up higher. I think we place it here for now and come back in a few days to see what it’s captured.”

“Why don’t we follow the path up or down?” Paul questioned.

“Honestly this is the easiest spot for us to access and find. If we do capture photos I think we could probably go place another camera down near the stream. I probably wouldn’t risk going up to the dens, they only use them when they are rearing pups and I don’t particularly want to piss off a mother wolf when we go to collect the camera.”

“I’d protect you,”

“I don’t doubt that cowboy. But what if it’s Jared with me when we are collecting them? You and I both know he’s sacrifice me to save himself,”

“Good call. Here it is,”

You wrapped the strap of the camera around a sturdy tree trunk at the bend of the track. Hoping you’d capture wolves coming and going from both directions.

“Okay, I need you to test this out for me!”

“You what? No thanks,”

“Oh come on, you just have to walk up and down the path. I promise to only put one of the photos in the data report, got to credit you somehow” You joked.

“Oh ha ha,” He stated starting to head up the trail. Once he was out of your sight you called him back, and he performed a turn any catwalk model would be jealous off. After walking down the track a few yards you checked the photos captured and gave your go ahead. Quickly snapping a photo of the site, noting the coordinates and saving a location on your phone it was done.

“Well that’s us good to go, nice modelling work there. I think the elders would be silly not to put out some Quileute merch and leak those photos,”

“I have no idea what you are talking about, I just happened to be channeling my inner wolf.”

“Of course, I forgot wolves are known to be natural stutters.”

“And don’t you dare leak those photos, because I’m sure as shit that the elders would have no clue how,”

“Don’t worry cowboy - whoops I’m sorry wolf boy, I’d make sure to get photos of Sam and Jared as well. The world deserves to see all three of you rock khaki,”

You reserved almost an animalistic growl from Paul for your comments, that probably should have startled you but realistically made you feel hot and bothered.

Paul himself wasn’t sure if it was in appreciation of the wolf boy comment or the jealously towards Sam and Jared.

“Come on smart arse,” he quipped, helping you put your backpack over your shoulders, “We better start to head back to the car before I give into the temptation to leave you here,”

“Go right ahead - I’ve been leaving a breadcrumb trail all day, so I can easily find my way back without your help,” You stuck your tongue out, and confidently stated heading in the opposite direction of the car.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Next chapter

But of a short (but hopefully sweet) chapter. Is Paul absolutely OOC when he’s with reader, yup. If anyone thinks that’s wouldn’t how he would be one on one with his imprint then fight me xx

Thanks for reading!

#twilight x reader #twilight fanfiction #twilight imagine #twilight #paul lahote x reader #paul lahote imagine #paul x reader #paul lahote fanfic #paul lahote #Paul x y/n #paul lahote x y/n #twilight x y/n #twilight x you

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eretzyisrael · 1 month ago

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by Canaan Lidor

Mervyn Kersh, a Jewish Londoner and D-Day veteran who turned 100 on Dec. 20, has lived through some of modern history’s most tumultuous chapters.

But the events of recent months have stirred fears in Kersh unlike anything that he has felt since he stormed the Normandy beaches 80 years ago, Kersh told JNS in several interviews in the last few months.

Fears for the destruction of Israel—a place this British patriot also calls home—and about antisemitism on display in his native England.

Kersh, who fought with the British Army during the Allied invasion of Nazi-occupied France, now fears both for the safety of the Jewish state and for that of Jews in the United Kingdom. (He celebrated his 100th birthday with family in London.)

Looking back on his role in helping liberate Western Europe, Kersh has mixed feelings, not about the bravery of his comrades or the necessity of the war but about whether the sacrifices he and others made still hold the value they intended.

“I thought what we did was worth it,” he told JNS. “I have my doubts now.”

The Hamas-led terrorist attacks in southern Israel on Oct. 7, 2023, which Kersh calls his “first home” even though he has never lived there, and the resurgence of Jew-hatred in Europe and beyond have left him questioning whether his generation’s hard-fought victories have been eroded.

“Our politicians are repeating the same cowardly lack of military action as those politicians did in the mid-1930s,” Kersh said about the British position on Israel’s fight against its enemies. “All words but no action while the enemy was still relatively weak.”

The recent decision by French officials to honor Gaza Strip journalist Motaz Azaiza during the D-Day anniversary events, which Kersh attended in France in June, added to Kersh’s disappointment.

Azaiza, who has accused the Jewish state of “genocide” and justified Hamas’s actions, received Normandy’s Prize of Liberty. That included a $27,000 award, but it was mostly the symbolic weight of the recognition that angered Kersh.

‘We became occupiers, victors’

This frustration is just part of Kersh’s broader unease. Rising Jew-hatred, both in Europe and internationally, has cast a shadow over his belief in the progress made since World War II.

“I thought life in the U.K. and Europe was pretty good for a long time,” Kersh said. “But since October, it’s really changed. The way so many have jumped to attack Israel—verbally, physically or financially—has me deeply worried.”

Kersh’s connection to Israel and his Jewish identity runs deep, dating back to his youth. Born to “British, British, British Jews,” Kersh grew up in London during a time of rising antisemitism.

Bullied for being Jewish, he learned to box to defend himself. By the time he joined the British Army, he was unflinchingly open about his faith, even wearing a dog tag identifying him as Jewish despite the risk if the Nazis had captured him.

Kersh told JNS that he knew “plenty” of Jewish young men who wrote “CofE,” for Church of England, on their dog tags.

“I kept mine as ‘Jew,’” he said.

During the Normandy campaign, Kersh took pride in his dual identity. “I was a British soldier but more importantly, I said I was a Jewish soldier,” he said.

When his unit entered Germany, one of his first stops was Bergen-Belsen, the concentration camp where tens of thousands of Jews, including Anne Frank, perished.

He could not enter the camp due to a typhus outbreak, but Kersh met survivors who reinforced his connection to the Jewish homeland. “Every one of them, except one, wanted to get to Eretz Yisrael,” he said, using the Hebrew for the “Land of Israel.”

Kersh’s visits to pre-state Israel in 1946, while still in the British army, cemented this bond. His pride in his Jewish identity has been a constant throughout his life, even during moments of danger, he told JNS.

“I enjoyed telling German prisoners of war that I was Jewish,” he said, of his encounters during the war.

Reflecting on his wartime experience, Kersh spoke of a shift in perspective as the Allies advanced. In France, Belgium and the Netherlands, he felt solidarity with the people he helped liberate. But crossing into Germany brought a sense of justice.

“We became occupiers, victors. That made a big difference,” he said. “Liberating the French, Belgians and Dutch felt good. But defeating Germany—that had to be done.”

Nearly eight decades later, Kersh fears the world is losing sight of the lessons of history. As antisemitic rhetoric and violence surge, he sees parallels to the threats his generation fought to overcome.

“Israel is again facing a Nazi enemy, only this time by another name,” Kersh said, of jihadist terrorists.

Kersh’s perspective is informed by decades of covering Jewish community and general current affairs as a journalist.

Before his retirement, Kersh had worked as news editor for the now-defunct South African Jewish Herald and as the writer of Kersh’s Corner, a column in a regional paper in Manchester and Liverpool. He also ran a small printing shop business and wrote a study of the events of the Torah and early Prophets, until the death of King Saul.

Despite his current concerns about Jew-hatred, Kersh draws hope from the Jewish people’s resilience.

“We’ve been through so much, all the way back to Abraham, the fighting Jew,” he told JNS.

#mervyn kersh #world war 2 #jewish londoner #british jew #israel #october 7

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askinkiskarma · 2 years ago

Text

Cruel Summer | Chapter V: Oceans and Engines (end)

Pairings: Neteyam x (f)Human!Reader

Word Count: 8k words

Warnings/notes: angst, allusions to/mentions of smut, some fluff, all the feels, 18+ minors DNI

Synopsis: "The culmination of love is grief, and yet we love despite the inevitable. We open our hearts to it. ... To grieve deeply is to have loved fully. Open your heart to the world as you opened it to me, and you will find every reason to keep living in it."

A/N: Please read this before you read the final chapter x

Also, please listen to the playlist, and Oceans and Engines as you read, as I feel it will really enhance the experience.

I will leave my notes at the end of the chapter. Ily besties, enjoy!

: ̗̀➛ listen to the Cruel Summer playlist here : ̗̀➛ masterlist (x) : ̗̀➛ series masterlist (x)

Saturday sunset

We're lying on my bed with five hours to go

Fingers entwined and so were our minds

Cryin', "I don't want you to go"

Neteyam was disorientated and lost, more so than he's ever been in his life, a life that felt like quicksand, swallowing him whole with every involuntary move, that didn't allow him to escape until it suffocated him, until it snuffed the light completely out of his body, until there was nothing left. Still, in this state, his only thought of you, and of the necessity to find you, to talk to you, of the hope that you'd talk him out of it.

He eventually found you on the beach, staring into the distance, back turned away from him, and his heartbreak hurt, its edges bleeding and broken, reeling at the unfairness of the universe, at the thought of having to tell you, once again, that he’s abandoning you for someone else, for a sense of duty he didn’t seem to be able to overcome.

“Vol…”

Your soft sniffles took Neteyam by surprise, as did your face, littered in tears, eyes, nose and cheeks red and swollen. Neteyam exhaled, a sharp tug of pain tugging at his insides, and he sat next to you, unable to look at your face without breaking down, so he just looked at the ocean.

“You heard.”

He saw you nodding in his periphery.

“Yeah… your mother, uhm… she was talking about it when I went to check on Kiri.”

“Vol, I…”

“Hey… stop.” You turned to face him, your knees pressing hard against his thighs, and you reached out to his face and turned it so he was looking at you. You brushed the tears that were falling over his lips and they trembled slightly as you did.

“I think it’s my turn to talk.”

You took a deep breath in.

“All my life, I felt alone. I watched from the outside looking in at a life I could never have. I watched kids, my age, blue and so much taller than me, laughing and running and playing, not for one second having to doubt their place in the world, the meaning of their lives, because it was clear as day, from the moment they were born. I watched as you guys had a loving family, and two parents who were crazy about you, and so much love filled your tent and your faces, I was always jealous. I know you know this, but my mother never wanted me. She always resented me for not being able to return back home, for being too pregnant to allow for the cryo technology needed to make it back it Earth. Seven years I knew her, and seven years were enough for her to give me enough trauma to never fully recover from it, trauma I’ve yet to outgrow. So I was jealous. I wanted so badly to be part of your family, and of your world. I hated myself, and my body, and my parents, and every little happenstance that it took for me to be here, in this place, as I am, useless and weak.

But then, one day, this boy, he changed everything. He gave me a home, in his eyes, and his arms, in his mind and his laugh. And I’ve never been the same since. We grew up together and learnt to brave life together. I was his confidant, and his court jester. He was my biggest cheerleader, and my bodyguard. We were each other’s brother and sister, and later, we were each other’s comfort and love. I found myself in him, and I learnt my beauty looking at it through his eyes. I discovered my worth in the way he looked at me like stars were born from the freckles of my skin. And I hope I did the same to him. Neteyam, you saved my life. You gave me a sense of belonging, and a home. You gave me love, and friendship, and the chance to be myself and loved unconditionally for it. And I’ll never be able to thank you for it.

All my life, I have been selfish. I got to watch as you had to struggle with big sacrifices that you were forced to make, and got to be angry at you for making them, without really thinking about it too much. I got to always be the victim, and made you the villain, because it’s easier this way. I got to be mad at you and think of myself so much of my life. And you had to live with the knowledge that you broke my heart, and deal with that guilt on top of everything else you were going through. And… I’m sorry.”

Your voice cracked as he tightly shut his eyes and put his head in his hands, sobbing silently, finally able to let it all out, after all these years, after so long of keeping it all in.

You wiped away tears

But not fears under the still and clear indigo

You said, "Baby, don't cry, we'll be fine

You're the one thing I swear I can't outgrow"

“It’s my turn, now.” You tried to crack a smile. “It’s my turn to be the bad guy. It’s my turn to break your heart. It’s my turn to be selfless, for once in my life. So I’m leaving, Neteyam. I think it’s time for me to go.”

“What?”

“We tried." the smile faltered as you said those words, as your voice broke, replaced by glistening eyes and a poorly masked grimace.

"We gave it our all, didn’t we? It’s the best that we could do, the best anyone can do, is give it their best. We did that. And I was so afraid yesterday, afraid of the fall, and while the fall is here, I’m not afraid anymore. Because I got to love you. At last once, I got to know that you loved me too, and that all these years, everything we shared, despite what we told each other, it was real, and it was love. I got almost two years with the man of my dreams, the love of my life, and I’m grateful for it. I got to know what it was like to be in love and have it reciprocated, what it was like to belong to someone, fully, wholly, and… what better way is there to live?

You know, it always felt like we were running on borrowed time, you and me. And it turns out we were. And while our time is up, I still got a lifetime of memories that I’ll always carry with me, that I’ll always cherish.”

He sobbed and you cried silent tears, as he wrapped his arms around you and hugged you, and you felt his whole body shake as he cried, and you let him, and you prayed you could be strong enough to withhold his pain and your own. With your head buried in his chest, you stood there, crying together, slowly coming to terms with the love you lost, and the future you’d never get, and the past that made the pain unbearable, and the body you’d never get to hold again. He was everything you’ve ever wanted, everything you kept in dreams and prayers, everything you hoped for and ached for, and you lost him, and he was no longer yours. Was he ever yours to lose?

“You know, humans believe in this concept of parallel universes. That in this immense universe we are in, there are actually other ones, parallel to our own, in which reality differs. There are infinite realties out there, they say, each of them slightly different to the other. In a different reality, you and I are together right now. In a different reality, I get to stay, and I get to love you forever. In another one, maybe I’m an Avatar, or a Na’vi, and everything we’ve struggled through is moot to begin with. Or maybe, in another one, we’re both human, here at the same time, or back on Earth, and right now we are at our boring 9 to 5 jobs, just daydreaming about seeing each other after work, and bickering about who’s gonna take out the trash. I think things work out for us in every universe but this one, and maybe that’s ok. Maybe we have to suffer for all the other you and mes to get their happy ending, and… I think I’m ok with that.”

“I just got you back. I just got you back.”

“I know.”

My mother said the younger me was a pretending prodigy

Well, nothing then, much has changed

'Cause while you're wolfin' down liquor, my soul, it gets sicker

But I'm stickin' to the screenplay, gotta say I'm okay, but answer this, babe

“Come on. We still have today. You’re still mine today, and I’m still yours today. And I want to remember it, this day, not for the worst goodbye of my life, but because it’s one more day I got to love you, the way I wanted to for so long.”

You got up from your spot on the beach and you pressed your palms on his raised knees so that he’d drop them, and he did. You’ve never seen Neteyam like this, this broken before. He looked a lot like you felt, but you knew he had braved too many storms for the two of you and it was your turn. Your turn to be the strong one, to put on the brave face and allow him to mourn, the way you did when he left. He deserved this, and you were happy to do it until you left on that helicopter, as long as you managed to ease his pain at least a little. You positioned yourself with each leg on one side of his thighs, and like this, for the first time ever, you were taller than him, and you did your best to lift his face up with both your hands on either side of his jaw, smiling as your eyes met, trying to ignore how your heart was breaking in a million pieces, how this was the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do, how little time you actually had to look in his eyes anymore and how lost your life would be without his light to guide you through it. You ignored it all and smiled, caressing his face, softening his frown, trailing your soft fingers over his eyes and nose and lips, tugging at the sides until you forced the corners upwards, willing them into his own little smile. You allowed his tears to stain your fingers and you removed your mask and kissed them off his face, as you did his lips, and the rest of his features until you were forced away from him, like you always were when outside, like you would always be from now on.

“Come on, you can’t let me leave without another swim.”

How is it now that somehow you're a strangеr?

You were mine just yеsterday

I pray the block in my airway dissipates

And instead deters your airplane's way

Later, you laid on his chest, looking at your hands intertwined, his so much bigger than yours, almost engulfing it altogether, taking each one his knuckles and kissing them while your uncovered airways still allowed you to, and you tried your best to forget, at least for a while, that your reality was the tragic one. He did take you swimming again, riding the ilu that you’ve come to like as almost a friend, and you felt a tinge of sadness at another thing you got in one day that you had to let go of tomorrow. He took you to the Tree of Souls, which was forbidden to outsiders, but he didn’t care, not anymore. He wanted you to see it, because in his dreams, he always showed it to you, and in his dreams, you saw it and your guise and manner of expressing yourself brought him so much happiness it always woke him up, and he was glad to know his mind still knew you better than it knew itself, because you reacted exactly the way he’s always imagined, and it did make him so happy that he could cry, that he did cry, once more, tears barely dry from last time.

How was he supposed to let you go? How was he supposed to go ahead with this, when every fibre of his being, every thought of his mind belonged to you, and always will? When he finally found you, when he finally got you, when he knew what happiness really looked like, and how it had always been buried in the depths of your soul, and he just needed to ask for permission to enter it, and now that he had, he didn’t think he could ever leave, and he knew he didn’t ever want to leave. How could life be so cruel, and this summer, the cruelest of them all?

But heaven denied

Destiny decried

Something beautiful died

Too soon

You took a detour back to the village and stopped on a different beach, isolated and reclusive, full of greenery and sandy beaches, that you decided was now your beach, your own little portion of heaven in the reef, that Neteyam promised would be for just the two of you, for the rest of time, as long as he could help it. He was happy to know he’s once more learnt your body like he used to know it back home, and devastated at how he would never get to put his lessons to good use after today, and from tomorrow, every new scar, and new curve, every new freckle or mole, it would all be unfamiliar to him, never to be seen or learnt again, never his to know again.

“I figured out what I want.” Neteyam says all of a sudden, and you raise your eyebrows, confused at his words.

“Hmm?”

“Our little bet in the water? I beat you to it, and I was supposed to tell you what I wanted and you were supposed to do it.”

“Ah, yes.” You say, almost impossible to perceive that that was just yesterday, and how it felt like a world away, like a life away.

“So what do you want, 'teyam?”

“I want you to promise me you’ll be happy. And you’ll live your life to the fullest, just like you always have when I was there.”

Your eyes widened and the tears that followed had no time to gather in them as they came and went in a split second, and you were almost surprised you still had tears left to cry. You tried your best to put on a brave face, that you worried came off more like a wince, and you laughed, a fruitless attempt at making light of a dark, dim situation.

“How can I be happy without you, 'teyam?” It was meant to be a joke. Just a teasing, light joke, but it came out as more of a wail, because while the words were supposed to be said in jest, they were also a genuine concern, a question that has plagued you for months and will continue to, for a very long time.

It was his turn to put a brave face on and a fake smile as he rolled his eyes and pulled you closer.

“It shouldn’t be that hard, I’m not that great anyway.”

You laughed too, wishing there was a way to erase the liquids pooling at the bottom of your damp mask.

“Eh, you’re right. You’re just ok.”

You tightened your arms around his torso, and pulled him as close to you as you could. You both sighed, and tried to keep more tears from falling through.

“Just try. Please? I need to know you’re going to try, Vol.”

You nodded reluctantly, feeling as each crack of your heart deepened and chipped away, broken shards floating through your veins, making the ache travel through every inch of your body.

“Only if you try.”

But I'm letting go, I'm givin' up the ghost

But don't get me wrong

I'll always love you, that's why

I wrote you this very last song

You woke up in his arms as eclipse was almost over, and whatever was left of your heart sank as the dreaded new day came, and with it, the end of happiness and of life as you came to know it for almost 20 years. He was awake, you realised, as you raised your head to check, hopeless look about him as he looked up at the sky, at the eclipse melting into breaking dawn. You sighed, realising that there was very little to be said, very few words that could make this better, that could ever amend and mend the hurt in your both hearts, the loss of a relationship, a friendship and a future all in one, so you said nothing. You both watched the time ticking with each inch of the planet moving away from the sun, until eventually, the last remnants of the eclipse were just a memory. Like he now was.

You rose to your feet, finding it hard to put on your clothes and turn around to face him. He half-rose as well, sitting with his arms propped behind him, leaning on them, as he continued to look up at the sky, not bothering to erase the tears falling down his face and chin until they hit his chest. You sat next to him, looking at the beach and at how the waves crashed onto the shores, and tried to focus on the rhythmic sounds they made to calm your racing, bleeding heart.

“‘teyam… I think it’s time for you to go.” You ignored the way your voice broke as you spoke and you hoped he would, as well. “I think it’s time. I will stay here, on this beach, and I need you to please get up and go.”

“Vol… I can’t leave you… please…”

“Yes, you can. You will get up, and you will go, and you will be the selfish one for once. And you will do your duty, which is what you’ve always wanted to do, and you will meet this girl and fall in love with her in time, and watch as she adores you, because how could she not?, and you will be Olo’eyktan, the way you were always meant to be. You will do all these things, because you have to. Because, deep down, you know it’s the right thing to do.”

You were both crying, sobbing in each other’s arms, trying to find the courage to leave, to finally say goodbye.

“I’m so sorry, Vol.”

You shook your head. One last time, you took off your mask and kissed him, and you poured it all into the kiss, the goodbye you could never bring yourself to speak out loud, the love you had and now had to leave behind, the dreams and aspirations that were now just specks of sand blown in the wind, you put it all in that last kiss, and felt him do the same.

“Don’t be sorry. I love you so much. And I forgive you.”

“I realised something these past two days. I held on to so much hate and anger because it helped me deal with your loss. But it was haunting, and piercing, my time away from you. The fire that was fuelled by my rage burned cold, like frostbite. But this… is different. Forgiveness is warm. Like a tear on a cheek. Think of that… and of me, when you stand in the rain. I loved you completely, and you loved me the same. That’s all. The rest is confetti.”

“Now go.”

And so he did, and so you watched his back as it got further and further away from you until he was completely gone, and alone at last, you finally felt free to fall apart.

I guess this is where we say goodbye

I know I'll be alright

Someday I'll be fine

But just not tonight

The ceremony was beautiful. She was beautiful. Tall and turquoise skinned, with luscious, long, curly hair and a supple, jewellery-adorned body, she was everything you would never be. Jake insisted that you stayed. You were family, this was a happy time, and you should be here to celebrate. And so you stayed. And you watched as the Tsa’hik symbolically bound their destinies together with a piece of woven thread. You watched as she brought their heads together and made them recite words of promise and forever, looking into each other’s eyes, praying to Eywa for a fruitful mateship and for healthy offsprings. You said your tears were happy tears, just excited tears, when asked by the scientists and the rest of the Sullys, and you felt suddenly sorry for them, that they would never know. That in their midst, the greatest love story they would have ever seen was born and died, and they were ignorant of it. And you were angry at them, and at the world, for it had missed you, and missed him, for it will never know a love like yours, a love that was beyond this life and the next, but you resigned yourself, in the end, in knowing that it was enough that you knew, and that he knew. It was enough.

After the ceremony, you had to watch as they left, just the two of them, headed towards the Tree of Souls, where you were just a few hours ago, and knowing what they were going to do made you sick, so you excused yourself and ran, as far as you could in the opposite direction, before lunging forwards and expelling all the pain and hurt that was too overbearing to remain contained in your body. You tried to think of anything else, like Tuk, and Kiri and Lo’ak, like Jake and Neytiri, like the beautiful beach and the sea and the animals inhibiting it, but everything came back to him, and the images flashing of him doing what you did last night to her, of his queues intertwined with hers, of having access to the part of him that only you were ever privy to, of the agonising thought that all your life, you were just a trial run for the real deal… it was hurt unlike anything you thought the human body could withstand, and yet you did. Because you promised him. That you would try to move on, and try to be happy.

“Don’t be a stranger, ok, kid? I know you were upset, and we’re really sorry, but we want you in our lives. Ok?”

You nodded and hugged Jake, and the rest of the Sullys, knowing you were lying, that you'll never come back here again, but glad to at least get this moment with them, a moment to catch-up and say a proper goodbye, and despite everything, despite it all, you were happy you came. Norm was right. It was good to have closure, it was good to let the people in your life that you love them, and that you’ll miss them, and that life will never be the same without them. You never know where life will take you next, and everything can change at a drop of a hat. But at least you got this. You got to love Neteyam, and hold him. You got to laugh and chat as you always used to do, you got to tell him how much he’s always meant to you and hear how much he’s loved you in return, and you got to ease his pain, at least a little, and despite it all, you were grateful.

Plungin' into all kinds of diversions

Like blush wine and sonorous soirées

But even with gin and surgin' adrenaline

I see you're all that can intoxicate

The ride home was quiet, or at least it appeared so to you, as you didn't register anything besides the emptiness of your own soul and the overflowing of your thoughts that were trying to understand it all, trying to piece together what they had just witnessed and what they'd have to do to get you through the upcoming days. It was quiet, as was meeting spider again, although you vaguely remember some echoed cries and screams, some pleas of "please make it stop", someone carrying you to your room, and falling asleep in unfamiliar arms, that weren't blue or dotted with stars, that weren't the ones you ached for, the ones you'd never be in again.

The days were slow, and dragging. It was hard to find your footing in this new life. Before Awa’atlu, despite the anger and the pain, there was some hope in your mind, that you’d one day see him again. It was enough to keep you going, even if it was for you to yell at him, to curse him off, to scream about how angry you were and hope that he would apologise and make it up to you. It kept you going, that unlikely scenario, made you push through the hurt and change. But now, you didn’t have that anymore. There was no unresolved issues, no lingering, hidden feelings that could still be confessed, no way for him to one day return and ever be yours in any form ever again. There was nothing there. And that gaping hole left by his absence, by the love that was nested in your body with nowhere to go, with no one to give it to, the hole left by everything he was to you and the life he’s left behind, it was enough to cower you, to knock you down, day after day, enough so that you couldn’t find it in you to get up in the morning.

Oceans and engines

You're skilled at infringing on great love affairs

'Cause now my heart's home

All I've known is long gone and ten thousand miles away

And I'm not okay

Norm’s subtle knocks were unmistakable - he was always gentle and kind, and always mindful of your disposition. You didn’t answer, but he came in anyway after a while, his hand over his eyes.

“Is it ok for me to come in?” You sighed and rose from the bed, feet dangling off the side.

“Yes, Norm. I’m coming to the lab now, sorry for being late.”

He came in and the door slid closed behind him with a soft thud. He sat next to you on the bed and looked nervously at his fidgety hands. You rose an eyebrow, intrigued as to what could have made him this way.

“Kid… are you ok? Like… are you truly ok?”

Your eyes widened imperceptibly at his loaded question, that you knew you could never answer truthfully, that no white lie could ever cover. So you didn’t.

“Why wouldn’t I be ok?”

“Because there’s no light in your eyes anymore, kid. Because I look at you and it’s like I’m looking at a ghost. Because you’re scaring the shit out of me and Max.” He sighed, and reached over to take your hand in his and squeezed.

“We didn’t know. About you and Neteyam, we didn’t know.”

Your gaze snapped at his face, and he looked sad and… almost embarrassed looking back at you.

“Norm, wh-…? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You know you can talk to us, right? I know it’s weird to talk to your surrogate uncles, but we’re here for you, kid. And you shouldn’t have to go through something like this alone. I’m sorry you had to sit through the ceremony, we didn’t realise until it was too late.”

“How?” Your voice was barely above a whisper as you spoke.

“During. And after. We had to watch the life getting snuffed out of your eyes slowly on the way back home. I’ve never seen anyone look so sad before… maybe except him. It was supposed to be one of the best days of his life, and yet, he’s never looked worse, the poor kid.”

“I’m sorry, kid. How long…?”

“It’s… complicated. I’m sorry I never told you. We both felt it wasn’t something anyone would be comfortable with, and we both know it could never last. It was supposed to be… fuck. I don’t know what it was supposed to be.”

Norm sighed and put a hand on your shoulder, giving it a sympathetic tug.

But I'm letting go, I'm giving up the ghost

But don't get me wrong, I'll always love you, that's why

I wrote you this very last song

I guess this is where we say goodbye

I know I'll be alright, but just not tonight

"Did I ever tell you about Trudy?" you shook your head. The name sounded familiar, and you're sure you've heard it from Jake or Max, but other than the fact that she was a human that died in the war, you didn't know much else.

"She was... well, I guess she was my Neteyam." tears immediately gathered in your eyes at his statement and the empathy that engulfed you, because, if it was anything like it, then you pitied Norm and wished you could take away some of his pain, just like you wish someone could take away some of yours.

"I loved her, so much. I loved this planet when I came here, but it was a superficial love. I was young, and wanted nothing else than to prove myself, that I'm a good scientist, that I'm a good researcher. I was jealous and bitter of Jake for getting what I thought was my chance at success, at fame. And then I met her, and she was so full of light, and spark. She was brave, and kind. She just wanted to live and laugh and fly her helicopter, and... and do the right thing. Not because it would have brought her money or prizes or acclaim, but because that's just who she was. I thought I knew what love was, what being a good person was, what being happy was, but I didn't, not until I fell in love with her. When she died, I was so lost. I felt like a part of me died with her. I thought I'd never recover, and to a certain extent, I never did. I wish I can tell you that time heals, but in reality, that's not a guarantee. But you want to know something?"

"All her lessons, both meant and inadvertent, everything she meant to me, all the memories we shared, everything is still here. I still carry it with me, and it will always be a part of me. She will always be a part of me, and while that thought scared me in the beginning, while I hoped that time healing meant I would forget, now I know it means embracing the happiness it gave you, all the ways their presence in your life made you a better person. It means knowing that love is real, and it's everything, because you felt it with them, because they shared it with you. It's what makes this life worth living. And pain is just a reminder of how incredible your time together was. Cause in the end, what is grief, if not love persevering?"

Tonight was the first time I stared into seas

Of beguiling sepia two years ago

And the first time I learned real world superpowers lived in three words

They revitalise my fraying bones

•☽────✧˖°˖☆˖°˖✧────☾•

“Happy birthday, Vol.”

“So, how would rate your 19th birthday compared to your 18th?”

You thought about it for a while.

“Well, I can say it’s had a lot less booze, but a lot better sex.” You both laughed while your head was rested on his shoulder, as you watched your favourite season of your favourite show, sprawled in bedsheets, his naked body glimmering in the dark and reflecting in your eyes as you took his beauty in, that you never got accustomed to, no matter how many times you saw it. When the credits rolled in and the music faded, leaving a dark room behind, silent apart from your breaths, that were getting laboured once more as desire built up in your core yet again, you straddled him and watched his face get closer to yours, until your lips met, until his tongue explored your mouth and neck, leaving traces of him on you, until your hands trailed his chest and abdomen, lingering over his abs, until they reached what they were looking for, until he made you scream, over and over, until you let him.

“You’re a fiend.”

“I’m a fiend?! What about you?” Neteyam shook his head, and you scoffed and rolled your eyes at what you thought was a preposterous statement.

“Let’s think about it. Who seduced who the first time? Who was drunk off their ass and asked to fuck, huh?”

“Who kept getting boners around their best friend until one day she had the guts to do something about it, huh?”

He rolled you off of him with ease and pinned you to the ground, smirking and pushing his hips into your still dripping core.

“You know why I kept getting boners, Vol? Because I could smell you. I could smell how wet you were around me. Your scent drove me nuts for so long. It still does. You intoxicate me. You drive me fucking crazy, Vol.”

You said nothing as you looked in his eyes, as your heart fluttered much like the butterflies that were digging their way through your stomach.

“‘teyam…” He shuts you up with kiss, tender and soft, so unlike his words or actions, and you melt into it, and the fear creeps in your chest as you fall for him deeper, as you half-consider just telling him, just coming out with it, because fuck, you loved him and this wasn’t helping.

“I have something for you. Birthday present.” Suddenly, he got off you, leaving you a breathless mess, and retrieved something from the pile of clothes on the floor. He plopped himself next to you and pulled you close, until you were resting his head on his torso, and you snuggled into him, glancing at the object in his hand curiously.

His words were soft-spoken and quiet, almost bashful, and you noticed his heart picking up speed, thumping loudly in the ear that was pressed tightly against his chest. “I didn’t know what to do for your birthday, considering you’re already blessed with the best gift in the world… my presence in your life, that is…” you snickered sarcastically, and he continued. “…but, every time I go on a mission, I think of you, and your voice that tells me to be safe, and I see your eyes looking back at me as you stitch my wounds afterwards, and I make it a point to grab a pebble at the end of each mission, to give to you. But, for one reason or another, I never did. So here.” He grabbed your hand in his, turning it upwards so your palm was facing the ceiling, and dropped the item in it.

A necklace. A gorgeous, stunning, impossibly beautiful choker, with tens, if not hundreds of beads and pebbles of different colours and textures woven into it. It looked majestic, fit for a queen, or a Tsa’hik, and you felt tears pool in your eyes at its meaning, at how long he must have been collecting these for, with you in mind, at how long it must have taken to make, at how much it meant to him, and now to you. He took it from you and you held your hair so he could fasten it around your neck. It fit you perfectly, and you smiled up at him, raising an eyebrow.

“How did you know it was going to fit?” He smiled and your fingers caressed your cheek, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake.

“Let’s just say I’ve had my hand wrapped around your throat enough times to have a pretty good frame of reference.”

You couldn’t help the blush in your cheeks, or the way your reached back for your new gift so you could trace your fingers over it, imprinting the feel of every bead in your mind, thinking of each one and trying to correlate it to a time, or a place, to a hunt or a battle he was part of that you weren’t, but how you were ever-present in his mind.

“Do you like it?”

“I love it, ‘teyam. Thank you.”

“Making this necklace, it was a good reminder that you have been the only constant in my life since I was born. No matter how much my life has changed, how much I changed, you’ve always been there to brave the storm with me. And I love you, Vol. You’re my best friend. Forever.”

“Forever.”

•☽────✧˖°˖☆˖°˖✧────☾•

The hurt of the dream lingered as you woke up, as you had to deal with its remnants that were tattooed in your mind, as you had to once more convince yourself that somehow waking up is better than what you just left behind. It wasn’t, it never was. It was hard to find the will to get out of bed when in bed, this was your reality, filled with beautiful memories and hopeful fantasies, whereas out of bed, your reality was filled with war, and fighting, training til everything bled, and the gaping hole of heartbreak. And to top it all off, it’s your birthday today. A day that stopped belonging to you two years ago, and was instead just another bitter reminder of his absence.

You got up from the bed and showered, finding comfort in the water hitting your skin and untying the knots in your tense muscles. It's taken awhile, weeks for you to mourn, but you have officially started training with Spider and Tarsem again, and you hated to admit it, but it helped. Being outside, in the forest, from dusk til dawn, thinking of nothing else but the ache in your body and the focus on the target, on the next goal, the next milestone, it kept your mind occupied and it allowed you to cope better than you ever expected. It was nice to be around other people, and you felt grateful for each and every one of them, because in truth, you didn't think you could have made it on your own.

When you made your way through the village to join everyone for breakfast, you were greeted with a myriad of screams of happy birthday, from humans, avatars and Na'vi alike, and for the first time in weeks, you felt a tinge of joy in your heart, and a swell of gratitude for the unforeseeable change in attitude from the people of the clan. For the first time in your life, you felt welcomed here, and you didn't know whether it was Tarsem's influence, or the Na'vi having another reminder, now that the Sky People were back, that not all humans are inherently evil, or your strenuous effort to be one of them and join in the battles and the training, but regardless of what it was, it was a gratifying change.

"Birthday girl, come on. We've been dying to give you your present." Max had the biggest smile on his face and an item you couldn't place in his hand.

"Here. Happy birthday, from all of us."

You raised an eyebrow.

"From all of you? That's a big present."

You took the curious contraption in your hands and twirled it around. It was lanky and weird, and it looked old, before your time, and even their time. You noticed as you inspected it that it had an eyepiece that resembled that of a microscope.

"That, kid, is called a stereoscope. Look into it."

You did, and as you put your eyes in the socket, a big picture of... cells came into view. But they weren't cells you've ever seen before.

"What is this?"

"Those, kid... are your cells. Actually, if we are being specific, they are your future Avatar's cells."

The stereoscope fell from your hands and you were happy Spider had catlike reflexes because it looked precious and unique and you didn't want to break it, but God, in that moment, you really couldn't care less.

"What did you say?"

"You know all the things we got from the humans that we didn't know what to do with or what they were? Well, we figured it out, kid. You, Spider and Max are all getting Avatars. And their technology massively improved, too. They're growing like crazy, it shouldn't take more than a year. By next year, you might be able to take it out for a spin."

A year later, as you celebrated yet another birthday, you had to give it to the scientists for being men of their word, as you stood in your new shiny Avatar body, that you've already become used to in the few weeks you've been inhabiting it. The mountain stronghold was filled with laughter and music as the celebration was underway, as people celebrated you and your 21st birthday, a big event back on Earth, apparently. You laughed with the rest of them, drinking and telling stories of this and that, trying not to dwell on the thoughts that were burrowing through layers of your mind, coming to the forefront, unwanted and unannounced. Thoughts of him, of you, thoughts of how this Avatar could have been the answer to all your problems if news of it came even if a few weeks before, how the universe was cruel and mocking, and how none of it mattered, not anymore. You wanted to focus on the positives, and you would. Just not tonight. Tonight, you had one last thing to do.

Now what do you do when your pillar crumbled down

You've lost all solid ground

Both dreams and demons drowned

And this void's all you've found

And doubts light it aglow?

As the celebration died down, in the early hours of the morning, you made your way to a place you loved so much, that you knew you needed to see once more, today, on your birthday. Because this place was his place, that he shared with you a long time ago, that in time became your place, and there was no more appropriate time to visit it one last time than today, on your birthday, exactly 3 years after everything changed between you. It was a long walk, on treacherous paths that you felt uneasy traversing by yourself, but there was no one else to do this with - not outside of him. Eventually, you pushed past thick foliage and greenery and you saw it, and despite how much time it’s passed, it still felt like the wind was knocked from your lungs with enough force to make you fall to the ground. It’s like no time passed at all. It still felt like he never left. To this day, his ghost haunted you, his memory continuous and unperturbed in your mind.

Eventually, you pushed back and sat on the edge of the cliff, like you did the first time he brought you here, and looked at the endless beauty of the vast drop and the roar of the waterfall as it fell and hit the river underneath.

You couldn’t even remember all the times you have been here, both of you looking ahead at the view, laughing and talking with no cares in the world, just happy to be in each other’s presence, happy to feel safe and understood, and have someone to complain to, someone to share your deepest secrets and fears with no judgement. All the times he’s watched you cry, or made you cum, too many to count, too many to forget.

I have so many questions

But I'm pouring them into the ocean

And I'm starting up my engine

You would have given anything for him to be here as you were now, tall and blue and supple, to be able to share this moment with him, to be able to kiss him in this place you both loved, that carried so much of you, of him, to be able to know one day you’ll bring your children here, that you’ll be able to watch it pass by from the back of an ikran as you went on a family trip. You wondered if he would have found you beautiful like this, if he would even recognise you. You barely recognised yourself these days, both like this and going back to your human body, your real body, that changed as you spent more time in the neurolink, learning to be Na’vi, building up the strength in the only body that now seemed to count. You wondered if he would be excited with you, or if he’d miss your normal body. You wondered if he’d just forget about your body altogether and focus only on the blue one you were currently inhabiting.

You wondered if he was happy. If he was getting along with his new mate, if she’s nice to him, if she knows how to mend his wounds and that he’s allergic to some of the plants a Tsa’hik uses for healing ointments. You wondered if he’s suffering as much as you are, even after all this time, or if he’s moved on, like he should, like you should. There were so many questions, that will forever remain unanswered, but that’s why you were here. You were here to look at this place one last time, to throw all the unsolved mysteries of life, and love, of the past and future away, away in the river, so they can float away into the ocean and be lost in the abyss, and allow you to finally move on.

You reached your hand in the pouch you had tightened on your chest, and pulled out a necklace, the necklace, that meant too much to you, and you looked at it, tracing your fingers over every one of the many pebbles embellishing it, reminiscing about the stories you made up in your head about each one, remembering each memory Neteyam told you they were about, watching as tears bounced off of them as the world became blurry around you, until eclipse slowly faded away from view and day took its place. You stood there for hours, thinking, crying, trying to build up the courage to do what you knew you had to do… needed to do.

And I'm letting go, I'm givin' up your ghost

It's come to a close, I marked the end with this last song I wrote

Late in the night, with one last look at the necklace that didn’t fit you anymore, at all it represented, with one last glance at every pebble - each one, in your mind, a memory, or a touch, or a kiss, or a laugh, each one an i love you, an I miss you you said to each other, each one a second, a minute, an hour, a day, a month spent together, each one a memory you’d never get to make, a touch, or a kiss, or a laugh you’d never get to share again, each one an I love you or an I miss you you’d never get to say or hear again, you let go of it all, letting it fall over the edge of the cliff, hoping that he’s happy, like he promised you he’d try to be, and determined to keep your own promise in this new life, a life that started and will end without him.

I'm letting go, this is the last falsetto I'll ever sing to you

My great lost love.

A/N: there it is, besties. the intended end to cruel summer. honestly, i just wanted to say a massive thank you if you managed to reach this far. when i started this blog, a few months ago, and posted the first chapter of illicit affairs, i did it on a whim, i did because i thought why not? Now, 2000 followers later, I get to write so many stories I never thought I'd ever get to, or even think of, and it's all because of you.

Cruel Summer means a lot to me, as i think it signifies my growth as a writer, my growth on this platform, and as a person learning through deal with my own personal issues through my characters. I loved writing it so much, I cried so much, probably more than with any other story I wrote, and I hope I managed to make you feel something, and maybe think, bc that's all I want, that's all anybody that does any sort of art can want i think.

Thank you for coming on this journey with me, and I hope you stay for what's next, bc I'm not done, as long as there's still people that want to be here. I love you and am very grateful to all 2000 of you.

thank you @karma-is-a-cat-purringinmylap bc this ending is the way it is bc of her and her sending me this song back in like chapter II. I love you and you changed my life by introducing me to niki. (initially, the chapter was going to be Happiness after TS's song)

Also see if you can spot all the quotes from different games/tv shows i used ;)

Taglist: @liluvtojineteyam @pinkpantheris @fanboyluvr@bananafruityawne @zaddyneteyamlovergirl @netemoon @www-interludeshadow-com @jackiehollanderr

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cantareincminor · 14 days ago

Note

⭐ tell us what you've been DYING to talk about regarding a fic of yours!!!

Thank you dear for the open-ended question! It's funny that I solicited this type of ask and now that you've asked, I had a tough time picking something to talk about! Because I want to make sure it's interesting.

Two things about Orpheus that I look back on fondly:

Yor's feelings of denial.

I took my time with resolving all the information asymmetries for the first half of the fic, starting with Yuri's fate, then the identity reveals. On Yor's side, I really enjoyed trying to flesh out her past and how her grueling childhood and training with Garden shaped her personality and naivete. Shopkeeper told her not to ask questions and harbor doubts while on a job, because hesitation will get you killed. The time to ask questions is before you accept the job. But she took this so deeply to heart, as a psychological shield against having to murder people starting from her teenage years, that she avoided asking questions about almost anything that she didn't understand or made her afraid. When she starts to suspect Loid is not who he says he is, she stops herself from diving deeper. She tells him outright that she doesn't want to know. This is also in the context of the immense grief she's in over her brother's comatose state. Loid and Anya are the only anchors she has, and she can't stand to let Loid go and shatter their fledgling relationship and the safety it provides.

This is rather personal, as I look back on periods of denial in my own life (as I'm sure many others have also experienced as well). Times when I was so infatuated with someone that I couldn't let them go, even though we only had limited time staying in the same city and would soon have to move halfway across the world from each other. Choosing to turn a blind eye to that to savor the time we have left, even if it'll cause both of us more pain in the long run.

After Yor gives up this attitude of denial, she matures as a character, gains more confidence and isn't as afraid to ask questions anymore. This is of course with Twilight's help too, with his strengths complementing her weaknesses. I hope that this journey out of denial helps sell her character journey as a believable one.

Melinda's character

While I was writing in the first half of 2024, we didn't know all that much about Melinda other than her "strange aura" that Yor observed, and her conflicting thoughts toward Damian after the bus hijacking. Canon will probably diverge a whole lot from my characterization of Melinda as a conniving, temperamental woman who wields her power for her own ends. But still, it was so fun shaping her character, and Yor and Twilight's perceptions of her.

She's bitter at heart, resentful toward her husband for pushing her away after his life-altering operation. Resentful toward her children because she wanted more for her life than merely bearing heirs for the Desmond bloodline. She sees herself as capable and intelligent and deserving of more power and authority, but as a woman she is only able to work behind the scenes, and is still ultimately under the rule of her husband.

Privileged people like this can be a godsend if they're on your side, wielding almost unlimited resources in connections, money, and political power. It affects almost every aspect of their lives, where they tend to assume any obstacle can and should be cleared away at their orders, regardless of what their underlings have to do to take care of the problem. But when they're actively against you, you're in a very dangerous spot indeed.

When I began to assign titles to every chapter, one of my favorite chapter titles was Medea (chapter 47, a rather explosive one). I love Greek mythology and reading about the different tragic characters and trying to understand them. Medea was a witch and the wife of Jason. She bore him two children, but he was unfaithful and was probably never truly interested in her to start with, only agreeing to the marriage because she helped him on his quest for the golden fleece. He eventually left her to marry a princess for political gain. In revenge she killed her own two sons as well as the princess.

I thought this was fitting for Melinda and her resentment of her husband and children, especially her menacing attitude toward Damian. She literally wishes that he didn't exist. That she could be free of this burden. We don't know exactly why yet in canon, but such thoughts are extremely frightening.

---

Thank you again for the ask Rach! And thank you to whoever managed to read this far!

#spy x family #loid forger #yor forger #twiyor #writing #agent twilight #melinda desmond #orpheus #sxf fanfic

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damn-stark · 1 year ago

Text

Chapter 27 The sun will shine on us again

Chapter 27 of Sugar

A/N- The girls are fighting!

Warning- Swearing, some angst, FLUFF, talks of death, cigarettes, spoilers!! long chapter, mc is a lil mean to someone…

Pairing- Choso x Gojo!fem-reader, Suguru Geto x Gojo!fem-reader

Takes place during- Chapter 220-221 of the manga

(Let me know if you want to be tagged)

————

There was a fragment in time as you were waking up that your mind got foggy and panic ran through you, making you believe that what you lived through last night was a beautiful dream, and the reality was that you were in bed alone and Choso was dead.

You don’t know why it suddenly bestowed upon you. Maybe it’s all this loss that’s heightening your fear of being alone or something because that panic blinded all your senses and snapped you to complete consciousness in a cold sweat.

Albeit rather than realizing you were in that in-between state of sleepy delusion and consciousness, that fear stuck with you and made you not want to look at your side out of fear that all you’ll see is a sunken spot.

However, you also knew that you had to snap out of it and face the truth, so you look over. And the moment you see Choso’s dark brown draped over his perfectly sculpted back, and notice his breaths moving his body you smile with relief and immediately drag yourself over to gently slide your hand around his back and hook your arm through his arm before you lay your head next to his neck.

You bask in his warmth and use that as a security blanket for your bare chest. You don’t know if he’s awake since you didn’t check but you still press a kiss on his nape and nuzzle your nose on the back of his neck, causing him to groan softly with satisfaction before he turns around and holds you against his chest instead.

“Is this okay?” He mutters in a sexy voice.

“Yes, it is,” you assure him softly even though last night—no, a couple of hours ago he never asked for permission to hold you in the most seductive positions. “How long have you been awake?” You query while you begin to caress his back with your nails, feeling the scratch marks you left him.

“Not long…I just wanted to let you sleep,” he says.

You grin and pull your head back, making him tilt his chin down to be able to look you in the eyes.

Now Instead of filling the silence with good mornings, you keep smiling at him and gently brush your finger over the mark on his nose, making him shiver, and causing a smile to twitch on his lips. While all you can think of is how happy you are, how full your heart feels, and it’s such an incredible feeling you’ve missed, you’ve been estranged for so long. You don’t want to be strangers again.

“Did I hurt you last night?” Choso asks with slight concern.

You giggle and shake your head whilst you slide your thumb to his cheek. “Only in the best way possible.”

Choso doesn’t understand you’re only teasing and his eyebrows furrow.

“No,” you quickly assure him. “You didn't hurt me. You were good. Which makes me doubt that it was your first time.”

Choso chuckles softly. “It was,” he quickly assures you as if he didn’t want you to be upset. “I swear.”

“I know I was just teasing,” you whisper before you pull down slightly and nuzzle your face against his chest to find comfort in the rhythm of his heart.

And as he feels the warmth radiating off your body, and the softness of your skin against his, he cups the back of your head and presses a kiss on the top of your head, triggering a question to pop up in your mind.

“Can I ask something since we did this and confessed and whatnot…what are we?” You ask and brush your fingers through his hair. “Is this exclusively an in-the-shadows kind of thing? Like, only sex, and kisses when no one is watching, or are we together, together, like, partners? Boyfriend and girlfriend or what?”

“I already told you what I want,” he explains right away with confidence. “You heard me. I don’t want to hide you, I want…to be partners, I want Yuji to know about us.”

You smile in admiration at the way he cares so much about letting his brother know about the changes in his life.

You were once like that with Satoru. You cared what he thought, you needed his opinion, and needed his approval in your big life choices.

Not so much anymore.

Not at all anymore.

“I want you to be mine and only mine,” he whispers against your head. “If that’s what you want.”

Before you give him your obvious answer you need to just warn him of one thing. “Look, Cho, I love you. I really, really do, but I also know that your life is new. I don’t want to hold you back from experiencing what the world has to offer and that means other people,” you share and pull back to face him and his forming perplexity.

“I’m not looking for something short, I’m not at that stage in my life anymore. It’s not what I want my daughter to see either…” you pause and lick your lips before you go on and make him grow worried. “So if this is going to happen it means you want to build a life with me and my daughter, if you think that you want to explore other things then we can say goodbye here.”

Choso grabs your face and pulls you to him to assert his wishes once again. “I want forever with you. I told you. Until my last breath and the last beat of my heart….”

You smile happily and he can’t help but mirror your expression.

“Do you want forever with me?” He asks vulnerably. “Even if I am what I am?”

You grin and cup his cheek. “I do. I want forever, even if you are what you are,” you finish in a whisper before you give him a slow and passionate kiss that he quickly returns at that same loving pace.

When he pulls back he keeps you close to the point you can still basically taste yourself on his breath after he gave into his wildest temptations in your night of passion.

“Do you think I should give something to Satori?” He asks timidly. “It's important to me that she likes me. I mean she’s probably going to hate me when you tell her about us because I’m not her father.”

You scoff softly. “Oh, my Cho, don’t worry,” you assure him, making his cheeks turn red at the sweet way that pet name rolled off your tongue—“she likes you, and yeah, it’s going to be weird for her seeing us together, but we have to give her time, okay? In the meantime just talk with her, try and join her when she’s doing what she likes. She likes being outside with the animals and harvesting the fruit, so just help her when she wants it. Just be there for her, show her you care about me and her and she’ll get to love you. Okay?”

Choso nods and tilts his head to kiss your palm.

You hum with pleasure and then can't help but share a concern you have. “Did you feel good last night, Cho? And don’t lie, it's okay if you didn’t.”

“I felt good,” he assures. “You were great. Beautiful.”

You don’t grow reassured instead you press him. “Don’t lie okay? Don’t be nice to me. Not about this.”

Choso grabs your chin and insists, “you made me feel incredible.” He laughs softly before he grows timid. “So much so that I want to feel myself inside you for the rest of my life.”

You avert your gaze and smile shyly. He notices and tilts your head up to take you in for a slow agonizing kiss that he only worsens by swiping his tongue over your bottom lip.

“Choso,” you whisper breathlessly in between the kiss. “If…you feel…that way then…maybe we should…go take a shower together.”

Choso pulls back and stares into your eyes with a tensionful stare before he smirks faintly. “Are you sure?”

“More than sure, let me just do something first,” you bring up before you climb out of bed and put your pajama pants on. When you look for your shirt you find it torn in half, so you instead use Choso’s and step out onto your balcony with your phone in hand.

And considering you were busy getting filled with dick and cum at night you never once thought about your phone. Which might’ve been a bad thing now that you see all the missed calls and messages from Shoko.

Shoko: Call me.

Shoko: It’s important, I won’t stop texting you until you answer.

Shoko: I know you’re not asleep.

And there’s a lot more urgent messages where that came from, so you finally call her. And on the third ring, she answers.

“I was calling you all night,” she greets you coldly.

You can’t help but smirk. “Sorry, I was…” you trail off and peek over your shoulder, catching Choso walking over to you with just his pajama pants on. “…busy,” you finish saying smugly.

“Ahuh,” Shoko understands what you meant so she lets you off easy. “Well then just get over here when you can, okay?”

You scoff and interject rapidly. “Hold on, you spammed my phone. What’s wrong? Are the students okay?”

Shoko sighs. “Well that’s what we need to talk about, just get here when you can—”

“Did someone—”

“No, no one died,” she cuts you off before you can panic. “Everyone’s alive and well, so don’t rush. Just know that you need to come.”

You sigh and hold more worry on your shoulders now than before. “All right. I’ll be there soon,” you assure her whilst Choso comes up from behind you and moves your hair aside to start kissing your neck.

“I’ll see you,” Shoko says before she hangs up, leaving you just concerned now.

“Something happened,” you tell Choso, causing him to pull away from you.

“Yuji?” He asks.

You turn and face him with that worry painted over your face. “No. She would’ve told me. Then again she didn’t tell me anything at all…but no, he’s okay.” You groan and drop your head on his shoulder. “I want this all to be over already. I hate all this worry.”

Choso wraps his arms around you and tries his best to assure you. “We’ll get your brother out and we’ll end this soon.”

You hum and then pull back to meet his gaze to try and push it all aside, for now, and be happy in this moment with your boyfriend.

“You ripped my shirt,” you tease him.

Choso looks you up and down and swallows thickly as his face grows red, and a bulge grows in his pants. “I…” he pauses and exhales deeply before meeting your eyes again. “I like you in mine,” he gets smug.

“Yeah,” you whisper seductively and press your hands on his chest to slowly drag them up to his neck. “You know I came outside to check the weather and decide what I should wear, but maybe now…I should wear this.”

Choso’s breath hitches and his bulge only hardens more.

“What do you think?” You ask him against his ear. “This? Or nothing?”

Choso grabs your hips and leans in to kiss you but you decide to be a tease and pull away.

“Tell me,” you roll out softly.

“I want…you to wear this…right now. I want to take a picture of you in my shirt so I can look at you when I can’t be with you,” he murmurs against your lips. “I want you.”

You smirk and walk past him, causing him to huff. When you reach the door you stop and peer back. “Let’s be productive and go to the bathroom. We can start there.”

Choso’s lips pull to a smirk as well before he catches up to you and hugs you from behind, making you laugh.

“I love you,” he says in your ear as he nuzzles his nose on your neck.

You walk him to the bathroom and say it back again and again; while you do it against the counter, in the shower as he holds you against the wall, and when you tell him a dirty joke in his ear when you’re drying off.

He could hear it a hundred more times in the span of a minute and never grow tired of hearing you telling him such passionate words. He could stare at your naked body all day, every day, and his desire and his awe will only heighten to new levels each time.

But he knew there were limits, so when you were changed and out of the privacy of the room, he held himself back to only pecks. And when Satori finally woke up and joined you downstairs he completely restrained himself to lingering stares and nonchalance since you had yet to tell your daughter about him and you.

“Satori,” you interject while you’re finishing your breakfast. “You’re going to be coming with me with the other sorcerers from now on, okay?”

Satori looks over at you as she chews and raises a dark brow. “Why? Why can’t I stay with Uncle Larue?”

You swallow thickly and avoid looking upset at the mere mention of his name. “Because I don’t want to risk Kenjaku coming to get you. It’s better if you’re with me.” You offer her a smile and she sighs.

“Fine, but I have to pack my stuff ‘cause I get bored,” she mumbles and pushes her empty plate away.

“Hm, we’re going to get some training in too, okay? And before you argue,” you cut her off as she was opening her mouth. “You’ll be training with Kirara and Kinji.”

Satori huffs. “Kinji is annoying. He always messes with me.”

You laugh softly. “He’s just teasing you.”

Satori suddenly sits up and looks at you curiously. “Will Fushiguro be there?”

Your smile widens and you shrug. “I think so. Why?” You tease.

Satori shrugs. “He’s nice and his dog is nice too.”

“What about Yuji?” Choso cuts in. “Do you like him?”

Satori glances at him and tilts her hand. “He’s loud when he’s with my uncle Satoru, and Kugisaki says it’s funny to tease him.” She smiles for a moment before she sinks her chair and then suddenly slides out to run away with an excuse over her shoulder. “I’ll be back.”

You watch her scurry away and then finish eating unbothered.

“I thought about something,” Choso brings up as he puts Satori’s empty plate over his. “About my brother's places in this life.”

You put the chopsticks down and slightly narrow your gaze with concern, noticing his eyes focus on the table and his eyebrows furrowing ever so slightly, but enough that his nose wrinkles. Meaning he was really thinking hard.

“What is it?” You press softly and lean over the table to take his hand.

Choso glances up at you with his eyes glossy and takes a deep breath to try and answer. However, before he can share what troubles him hurried footsteps echoing in the distance interrupt him before Satori enters the dining room, causing Choso to quickly pull his hand away so she wouldn’t see.

“Mommy,” Satori says out of breath, and clings onto your arm to whisper in your ear. “Can you help me?” She asks and lets you get a peek at a card that has a little red envelope attached to it. “Please?”

You giggle and whisper back. “He won’t bite. Just give it to him.”

Satori presses you with an anxious look and digs her little nails into your arm. “Please.”

“I'll go wash the dishes,” Choso interjects, making Satori’s eyes peel with panic.

“Wait,” you interrupt him and make him sit back down just as he was getting up. “Cho…” you roll out with a teasing smile. “Satori wants to give you something.”

Choso shifts in his seat and you see his own slight panic on his pale face.

“Go on, it’s not from me,” you encourage your daughter. “Hand it to him, I’ll be here.”

Satori lets out a deep breath and fiddles before she turns and looks at Choso shyly. “This is for you,” she says sweetly and hands him the letter. “From me.”

Choso glances at you unsure, so you assure him with a smile before you prop your elbows on the table and rest your chin on your hands to watch Choso open the card made of white construction paper, and red glittering letters that say ‘To Choso,” at the front.

And considering she didn’t want to show you what she had made for him, your curiosity gets the best of you and you can’t help but lean over to take a peek inside, seeing that Satori had drawn Choso on one side and her on the other. He had a drawn-on nonchalant face, which is super cute, and her portrait…well you couldn’t stop smiling as you notice how she drew herself smiling and had a speech bubble over her head that read, ‘Thank you for saving me! And thank you for saving my mom! I appreciate you!’

“Cute,” you compliment her as you poke her side, causing her to giggle and push your hand away.

Nevertheless, as Choso pulls a red and purple beaded bracelet out from the envelope you notice his eyes are once again getting glossy. But this time you see him smiling—or he’s trying, his lips are wobbling.

“Red is for your technique,” Satori points out. “And purple is because you wear…purple…” Satori trails off in a whisper as she notices the tears welling in his eyes, and slowly loses the smile that was peeking through as she was gaining confidence.

“I’m sorry,” she interjects in a shaky voice as she wraps her arms around your neck to find comfort from her growing shame.

“It’s okay, baby,” you assure her and caress the back of her head. “You didn’t make him sad, Choso just gets emotional that’s all. Those are happy tears.”

Satori loosens her grip around you and Choso wipes away his tears to try and comfort her. “Yeah, sorry. I just didn’t expect it…I love it. Thank you so much, Satori, and you’re welcome.”

Satori sighs with relief and lets you go. “Well that’s good,” she laughs breathlessly. “I thought I made you sad…I hope you like your bracelet, I made it.”

Choso smiles softly at her. “I do, I love it. I’ll wear it all the time. Thank you, Satori.”

And knowing him he probably won’t ever take it off.

“You're welcome,” she says back with a happy smile and then steps back. “Well, I’m going to go get ready now.”

“Yes,” you encourage her. “And then come find me so I can do your hair.”

Satori swings around harshly. “No! You do my hair all crooked!”

You pout and watch her leave. When she’s gone though can’t help but smile before you slide over and hug Choso from behind.

“I forgot to tell you,” you whisper as you press a kiss on the side of his side head. “Thank you for helping my little girl. Thank you.”

Choso reaches over and caresses your arm as he keeps looking at the letter Satori gave him.

“See,” you coo. “She likes you. Don’t worry, baby.”

Choso glances over at you as if what you just said is unbelievable. Which you find funny. He acts like he’s not deserving of the pet names.

“I’ll tell her today okay?” You let him know. “Maybe even before we leave.”

Choso presses a kiss on your arm and nods.

“Now what is it you were going to say?” You reel back to your previous topic before you got interrupted. “Something about your brothers?”

Choso shakes his head. “I’ll tell you later. Now I want to make sure if it’s okay that I give Tsukumo’s research to Yuji. She was your mentor and she was someone else's. I don't want to cause problems.”

You step back and start collecting the things off the table. “It’s okay, really. Aoi is okay with it, he’s like, delusional, actually, and thinks Itadori is his brother.” You snicker and peer back, catching Choso pouting slightly and looking perplexed.

“Why?” Choso mutters as he starts to help you clean up.

You shrug. “‘Cause they have the same type of women…I think. Itadori and Aoi told me something exponentially different. But anyway,” you huff. “It’s okay. Itadori will have more use for it than us.”

“Okay,” he whispers and then goes back to the previous matter. “And that guy, Todo, he’s not actually Yuji’s brother is he?”

You snort and shake your head. “No! Aoi is weird okay? They’re not really brothers.”

Choso sighs with what seems to be relief and you can’t help but giggle before you start cleaning the breakfast aftermath, and then once again change, but this time in a cute, expensive, fashionable, and warm outfit to wear out and impress the newly awakened sorcerers.

You wanted Satori to match with you, but she refused and said she’d look silly in a long fur coat, and that it was far too late considering she had changed already…

Tsk.

“Do you remember when we used to brush daddy’s hair?” Satori interjects as you brush her long black hair back since she’s refusing to let you style it because apparently, you’re bad at it. But the real reason is that she misses Belinda doing her hair.

“Hm,” you answer softly. “I do.”

“I miss it.”

You let out a deep sigh and debate about telling her about Choso and you since she’s thinking back to her father. It’d be…inappropriate no?

Then again Choso is going to tell Itadori, and you’re going to tell Shoko and your students, so word will travel and you don’t want her to hear it from someone else and feel betrayed, so…there’s no better time than now.

“Satori, I have to tell you something, okay?” You don’t prolong the news.

“Okay, what is it?” She asks completely unaware.

You sigh deeply and brush her hair at a slower pace. “It’s about Choso and I…”

She doesn’t move or react. She sits still and waits which, only makes your stomach knot together.

“We’re…” you pause and think about how to say it in a manner she’ll understand. “Boyfriend and girlfriend.”

Satori stiffens and then pulls away, dragging her long hair along with her. “Why?” She quickly cuts in with a hurt little look. “What about daddy?”

“Satori, Daddy is gone,” you remind her gently.

“I know,” she says sharply. “But…won’t he get sad? You don’t love him anymore?”

You grab at your chest and then crouch to be at her level. “Chipmunk, I will always love your dad. I will never, ever forget him, but it’s time I move on and that’s ok,” you assure her and grab her hands to cup them in yours. “It’s okay to move on because we’re not going to forget him are you?”

Satori’s eyes get watery as she shakes her head. “No.”

“No,” you agree. “He’s always going to be with us.”

“He’s,” she pauses and sniffles. “He’s going to live in us? Like Choso said?”

You smile and nod softly. “Yeah. He is.”

Satori’s tears roll down her cheeks, so you quickly wipe them away. “My little love,” you coo. “It’s okay. Your daddy wants us to be happy. He wants me to be happy, and Choso makes me happy. You think he’s nice, no?”

Satori nods, but she doesn't answer, she instead asks a question. “He makes you very happy?” Her voice quivers.

You beam at her and wipe away her tears. “Yeah, he makes me very happy. And look, he’s never going to take your dad's place, okay? Never. He’s just going to be part of our family now. And it’s okay if it takes you time to be his friend, he understands.”

Satori nods in comprehension and looks at you with a wobbly smile. “You think Uncle Satoru will get mad?”

You scoff. “I am an adult, I make my own choices even if he likes them or not.”

Satori gasps. “He’s your big brother! He says he bosses you around because he’s the oldest.”

This is what he tells her?

Oh, he’s going to pay when he’s out of his stupid box!

“I am an adult, he might be my clan leader but he is not my boss, okay?” You sass her.

Satori giggles, making you tuck her hair behind her ears before you just press her one more time. “So what are your thoughts about Choso and me?”

Satori lets out a shaky sigh but she smiles. “If he makes you happy it’s okay. I’m happy if you’re happy.”

You flash her a grin and can’t help but trap her in an embrace. “Oh, I knew you’d understand.”

Satori hugs you back and stays in your embrace until you pull away.

“Now,” you interject happily. “Let’s finish brushing your hair so we can leave. They’re waiting for us.”

“And we’ll get Uncle Satoru out?” She can’t help but ask impatiently.

“Well,” you sigh. “That’s my hope, but I don’t know yet. We’ll see.”

Hopefully whatever Shoko needs to tell you doesn’t interfere with that today…you miss your big brother.

——

*LATER*

“What are we going to do now? What am I going to tell Satoru?” You mumble out and groan before you drop your head to rub your forehead from the stress Shoko just dropped on your shoulders.

“What are we going to tell Satoru,” Shoko corrects you and rummages through your coat pocket, but finds your worm Cursed-spirit tucked inside.

“That’s gross,” she groans.

You snicker and pull him out. “He’s in there just in case I need him, and so he doesn’t have to be around my shoulders all the time.”

Shoko lets it go and walks around you to dig through your other pocket, and this time pulls out what she was looking for; a cigarette box.

“It’s…weird being the adults now,” you think out loud while you take a cigarette stick Shoko offers you from your own pack. “We’re the ones in charge now. We’re the ones who are supposed to help them shape their future…” you let out a soft laugh and light the cigarettes with fire you summon over your finger.

“I would like to say that things were easier when we were in high school, but,” you sigh. “I don’t think that’s so.”

“We had our fun,” Shoko interjects as she blows out smoke. “We can say that. Going out was way more fun when we were teenagers.”

You laugh softly. “Yeah, they were. Now that was easier! And so were phones, I miss my flip phone.”

“Meh, I like that I can access the internet on my phone, and you know buy stuff from there.”

You smile. “Yeah that’s true…” you trail off and go back to thinking about Fushiguro and how Sukuna now traded hosts and put himself in the boy Satoru helped raise.

“We’re the adults, we're supposed to be better than the ones who surrounded us, but,” you sigh and draw in a long drag of your cigarette. “Fushiguro is gone,” you blow out and drop your head. “That angel girl got her arm bitten off, and all the students were in some deathmatch…I should’ve been there, I should've helped Fushiguro.”

If the roles were reserved with Satoru, he would’ve helped your kids, he would’ve fought a lot harder and just…been there.

“You couldn’t have done anything,” Shoko assures you. “It's Sukuna. Plus you wouldn't have even survived with how low your cursed technique was then. You’re still recovering.”

You drop your hand to let it hang over the balcony and shake your head in disapproval. “You don’t get it, because at least if I was there I could’ve tried. Now he’s gone, and Sukuna is fully in control. When we get Satoru out he will come to find the boy he raised lost inside a monster,” you say with frustration through gritted teeth. “And Fushiguro’s sister is probably dead.”

Or maybe Shoko is right and all you feel is guilt. Not for not being able to be there, but the possibility of letting down a person you haven’t even learned to forgive yet or figured out if you blame him for killing Suguru or not. Which is why you shouldn't be so hard on yourself—but, you still do love him, and knowing that once again someone that brought him happiness is gone, hurts you too.

“There’s still nothing you could’ve done,” Shoko rests her case without getting offended by the sharpness in your voice just now. “That’s how things are. Unexpected. You have to adapt to it.”

You draw in a slow drag and manage to grow an awe-struck smile on your face. “How do you do it?” You can't help but ask as you blow out smoke. “Stay so calm in these dire situations? I can go over a small bump on the road and I’m stressing out.”

Shoko's brown eyes find you through her cloud of smoke rising from her cigarette and answers with a faint smirk playing in the corner of her lips. “It comes with the career path. I can’t be freaking out or else the patient freaks out and only makes things harder.”

You grin. “Look at you Doctor Shoko. I’m impressed.”

She quirks a brow. “Did you doubt me?”

You let the cigarette burn and shrug. “Kind of,” you admit. “You were not so good at studying.”

“Yeah because I have an advantage,” she throws out casually, which makes you kind of worried now.

She is the only doctor here after all.

“The girl is fine right?” You double-check.

Shoko scoffs and nudges your shoulder. “She’s fine. I’m good at what I do okay?”

You laugh softly and put out your cigarette on the ashtray while she continues using hers.

“No, but seriously,” she says more seriously. “She’s in no fighting condition. She really got lucky. Which means…” she sighs and averts her gaze. “Satoru will have to wait a couple of days until she recovers.”

You blink and snap your eyes over to her to pass her a pointed glare. “What?”

Why didn’t she tell you before?

Sure you assumed that girl was going to have to take it easy because of what happened, but you didn’t think it would affect her ability to get Satoru out.

“I know you want to get him out already but what’s a couple more days?” She tries to assure you, but besides the fact that Sukuna is out and in control of a boy with the ten shadows technique, it’s been 17 days since he’s been stuck in that eerie box. Who knows what he’s going through, and! What if something happens in between those days and only sets back his release, causing him to suffer more?

He shouldn’t have to wait when you have the means to let him out already.

But it’s all because of that sorcerer girl who’s also inhabited by that other ancient sorcerer. And because she just used her heart.

And sure anyone can make the mistake, you could, but you were told that she had Sukuna basically in her grasp! And she let him go…

She needs to know, just hear a thing or two.

Thus you turn sharply on your heels and storm back inside with a prickly attitude.

“Y/N what are you doing?” Shoko asks as she tows behind you with concern.

Yet you ignore her and when you get inside the med-bay you see that young girl with the missing arm, and Okkotsu by her bedside. Not like you care about him.

“You,” you point at the girl who actually resembles an Angel. You thought she would’ve looked different, but regardless you share your purpose for storming in without shame.

“I'm going to tell you this once,” you continue. “What you did with Sukuna was incredibly stupid. I hope you know that. You had him right in your grasp and he’s gone now. And what’s even more fucking stupid is that two of you are in control.” You scoff, and the girl nervously glances at Shoko walking in after you.

“Did you let her do it?” You ask the sorcerer lurking inside the girl.

“No,” she quickly argues in an almost angelic voice. “Of course not. I warned her but she didn’t listen.”

You meet the girl's gaze again and only harden your glare. “You let your heart take control,” you spat. “In this business that can be a dangerous thing. And before you say it, trust me I know that ache, that need to save someone you love. I have to fight with a crazy sorcerer in my husband's body! For a couple of seconds when I saw him in Shibuya all I could feel was relief and joy to see him. I didn’t think about the red flags that popped in my head, but then I thought, I used my head and I rammed my hand through his chest. He’s only escaped me because he keeps trying to gut me.”

“But—”

“Butt out,” you snap at Okkotsu.

“Look, I know you’re new, kid,” you continue a bit nicer now that you have her attention and you have come to your full senses. “You’re young, but you have to use your head and your heart. And sometimes you can only use one even if it’s against someone you love. It’ll hurt, but it’s a sacrifice we must do for the greater good.”

“I…” the girl stammers and averts your gaze. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” you retort with no hint of comfort. “Do better. And think about the fact that Sukuna is out now.”

You watch her for a lingering moment before you turn and walk out with Shoko following right at your heels.

“You were harsh, no?” She remarks.

You peer back at her and shake your head. “No. Remember we’re the adults now. There’s a balance of how to be with them, and sometimes you have to lean towards the harder side. I was being honest and head-on, like Yuki.”

Shoko is going to say something but when she realizes what you said and who you mentioned she knows you’re right. After all that incident could’ve caused the girl her life. She got very lucky.

Yet there is one thing she does point out. “You were also angry about Satoru.”

“Yes. He’s my brother.”

You don’t share the reason you suddenly blew up is because of the delay in his release, it wouldn't make you sound any nicer. So you’re just blunt.

“I won’t apologize,” you tell her and turn around to join the others now. And right away you spot Hakari, whom you had yet to see.

“Kinji!” You greet and catch his attention.

And the moment his eyes land on you he matches your excited energy. “Master,” he shouts back and meets you halfway with a quick embrace before you pull back and grab his chin to turn his head and worry.

“Did you see Shoko already? There’s no lingering side effects?”

After all, half of his face was so badly wounded that he had fucking muscle exposed.

“I did,” he tries to assure you as you try to find some fault he might’ve missed. “But I also did heal with RCT.” He smirks.

You let his face go and give him a proud smile. “I’m proud, Kin. I knew you would do it.” You pat his shoulder and catch Kirara walking over. “I would like to say it was my amazing teaching, but it’s all you and your technique. Good job.”

“Give yourself some credit I used skills and teachings you taught us,” he immediately argues to make you feel better.

Which works.

“Now did you go to Shoko,” he shares his concern as it's just you, him, and Kirara now that they join you. “You died, didn't you? We have to make sure you’re not part of the undead.”

Why did he and Kirara assume the same thing?!

“I’m fine, I’m healing fine,” you assure him and then feign a concerned face. “But I am craving flesh. Brains.”

Hakari crosses his arms over his chest and shakes his head. “You wouldn't even be talking.”

This is why you love them so much, they know how to roll with your humor.

“Unless she’s like those zombies from that one movie where they run and climb over walls,” Kirara points out.

Hakari and you shake your head but he corrects them. “They never talked.”

“Oh! I can be like one of those zombies from that movie where the girl falls in love with a zombie. They talk.” You remind them.

“I fell asleep through that movie,” Hakari says. “It was lame.”

“Yeah.” You nod slowly.

“Anyway!” You clap your hands and look around the room filled with other sorcerers. “Why don’t you guys introduce me to the new sorcerers? Like that cute lawyer.” You smirk.

“He’s not here,” Kirara bursts your bubble. “Takaba and Kashimo are though.”

You frown with disappointment, but follow them towards a man that almost scares the piss out of you because he’s like half-naked.

“Oh,” he gasps and his eyes widen as he spots you approaching. “Oh no.”

You try to wipe off your partially freaked out and judgemental face, but his uniform is too revealing, you can’t pretend to be okay with it.

“This is Takaba,” Kirara introduces him as you stop in front of him. “Takaba—”

“You. I know you,” he cuts them off out of breath when you stop across from him. “You—should I bow? I don’t know what to do.”

You muster a laugh and shake your head as you wave your hands in protest too. “Don’t bow. Please. Just introduce yourself. Distract me from what you’re wearing.”

“Right!” He nods his head harshly and thankfully offers you a traditional greeting bow and not some awkward one. “My name is Fumihiko Takaba!”

You offer him a smile and just keep heavy eye contact. “I’m y/n Gojo.”

He nods rapidly while he looks at you completely starstruck now. “I know. You’re famous out there, and in the sorcerer world, I hear. I never thought I’d meet you.”

You giggle and part your lips to ask him about his technique, but he cuts you off.

“Do you want to hear a Joke? I’m a comedian.”

You blink with curiosity and immediately nod. “Yeah, shoot.”

Takaba clears his throat first. “Don’t marry me! I don’t want you as my wi-fi!”

You look at him with a straight face for a few seconds, making him grow nervous before you start laughing.

He doesn’t think you’re serious at first, but when he notices that you’re being genuine he laughs with you until you stop.

“I like it,” you compliment him. “Thank you for that.”

Takaba lets out a deep and relieved breath. “Good. I'm glad you liked it…you really liked it?”

You nod. “Yeah, man, I enjoy good puns.”

“Really? I have more!”

“Well I would love to hear them, but I do have others to meet so find me later. Really, please do, I might just tell you some of my own.” You make him finally smile at you without anxiety tensing up his face

“Alright! Okay! It was very nice meeting you ms y/n! I’m a fan! You’re very pretty!” He exclaims.

You touch your chest and bow your head. “Thank you Takaba.”

When you walk away and make a distance between him and you, Hakari interjects. “I shoulda bet you Kira, I knew he was going to react like that.”

Kirara pats their lips. “I thought he’d be more ecstatic.”

As they talk and guide you to the next person you look around the room until you spot Satori with Inumaki messing with Panda. Which is good, you smile at the sight. Even if Satoru’s old students dislike you for last year's events, it’s good they don’t pass that resentment to Satori.

“Master,” Hakari reels your attention back to them as you come to a stop by a tall man with long cyan colored hair and lightning marks under his eyes that are already on you. “This is Hajima Kashimo.”

Unlike Takaba this guy doesn’t greet you right away, he doesn’t seem open whatsoever either. He stands tall and looks at you not with a piercing look, it’s more pointed, but you don’t know if he’s trying to size you up or looking for something in you.

Whatever it is you don’t let him intimidate you. You raise your chin and stand just as tall, but you pierce your fire-kissed eyes. You don’t fear men or ancient sorcerers who call themselves gods.

“What’s going on?” Kirara whispers to Hakari.

“Hm.” Kashimo finally reacts. “Finally someone somewhat strong.”

“You're the God of Lightning?” You break your silence and press your hands on your hips. “The one who couldn’t even beat a sorcerer from the new era.” You smirk. “Some God.”

Kirara scoffs in amusement at the way you don’t flinch or hide.

Kashimo huffs. “He got lucky.”

You snicker and roll your eyes. “Tell yourself that.”

He scoffs and leans in closer. “I heard he’s your student. Would you like to prove your worth?”

You look him up and down and when you meet his gaze you narrow your glare further and don’t let your smirk falter. “I don’t need to prove anything to you.” You spat

Kashimos’ pointed look now pierces in you, but you catch the corner of his lips twitch to a smirk before he pulls back and scoffs. “All right, Gojo. I see you.” He mutters before he turns away from the three of you, letting Kirara, Hakari, and you share a teasing look before you walk away.

And as you do walk away you finally spot Choso already watching you by the living area. And rather than seeing nonchalance, you see his nose slightly scrunched and his eyebrows faintly furrowed with an emotion you can only read as jealousy. He looks different when he’s concerned. But this is hot too.

So you shoot him a smirk and don’t immediately aim towards him, instead you depart from your students and walk to the guy Nanami was mentoring.

“Ino,” you call for his attention and he immediately turns. When he notices you his eyes slightly widen with surprise. “Right?” You ask. “Kento was mentoring you?”

“Uh, yeah that’s me,” he says gently.

You offer him a smile. “I just wanted to give you my condolences. And tell you that if you ever need anything, reach out to me. I will be more than happy to help one of Kento’s students.”

Ino lets out a deep sigh and offers you a small bow of his head. “Thank you so much, Miss Gojo. And I’m sorry for your loss. He didn't really share much about his personal life, but he did tell me you were his best friend.”

Your smile spreads to a grin and just before you can thank him he pulls out Nanami’s cleaver.

“Shoko gave this to me, but he was your friend, take it,” he says and pushes it towards you, but you instead push it back towards him.

“Keep it,” you tell him sweetly. “We didn't talk much about sorcerery, but he did mention that you were a great student,” you let him know, making his eye soften. “So I’m sure he’ll want you to keep it. Besides, you can find a better use for it than I can.”

Ino bows his head and gives you a brighter smile. “Thank you so much, Miss Gojo.”

You offer him a sweet grin before you turn away and now head towards Choso, who smiles softly at you as he sees you approaching him.

“Cho!” You greet and fall beside him on the couch he’s on. “I missed you,” you whisper and wrap your arms around his neck.

“Missed me?” He asks with his cheeks turning a shade of red. “I was here.”

You smirk. “Tell me about it. Now.” You begin to press and make his gaze finally fall on you. “What’s wrong my beloved?”

Choso stays quiet for a moment and the mark on his nose crinkles slightly. “What do you mean?” He asks even though he knows exactly what it is you’re referring to.

“You’re pouting,” you point with a teasing smile. “Your nose is crinkled just a bit, and you're glaring, but not in the way when you’re lost in thought, your eyebrows are furrowed then not pinched.”

Choso’s blush turns a deeper red as hears that you pay more attention to him than he thinks.

“Any particular reason?” You press deeper and slide a hand down to rub his chest. “Or did you just miss me?”

A laugh escapes from his lips before he sighs deeply and turns in his seat to face you. “Do you remember when you said you wanted to get ramen at some place in the city?”

You’re not hungry now, but you could get hungry on the way…

“Yeah,” you answer excitedly. “Why?”

Choso grabs your hand that you have on his chest and caresses it while he averts his gaze and almost lights on fire with how red he’s turning. “Would you…like to go on a date with me?” He asks and bats his eyelashes to look back at you with a softened gaze that only makes his brown eyes gleam brighter.

“We’re partners now,” he adds. “And even if I haven’t been here long I know that’s what partners do, and I want to do this right with you.”

You grin and grab his jaw to press a big fat sloppy kiss on his lips. “I would love to go on a date with you,” you finally give his tense heart comfort.

“And I know you like the ocean but you hate looking at the fishes in the tanks,” he says confidently. “But your student Kirara says that there's a place where you’re surrounded by screens and it looks like you’re in the place you want to be. We can go there too.”

Your smile softens as you feel yourself fall in complete awe. “I would love that,” you whisper softly, making him smile. “I really would.”

Choso caresses your cheek and leans in to give you a short but deep kiss.

“We can go after we get your brother out. It only seems fitting then.” He says against your lips.

You nod in comprehension and before pulling away and without leaning in for more, you hold each other's gazes for a lingering moment before you hear a sudden screech-like cry.

“Mommy!”

You sigh and without looking back to gather any intel, you quickly counter. “Kinji leave the child alone!”

Choso looks over and sees what you assumed, Hakari teasing Satori by holding something of hers several feet over her head.

“How did you know that happened?” Choso asks almost amazed by your know-how without even looking back.

“Years of practice,” you share with a laugh.

Choso hums and glances over your shoulder to continue watching Satori with the other students. “Did you always want to become a mother?” He asks and focuses on you.

Your grin falls to a frown as you think about the children you lost. “No,” you reveal the truth and muster a faint smile. “When I was a teenager all I wanted was to hone my technique and not be stuck here...” You sigh and lean your side against the couch, but never let your eye contact wander. “But then the twins and I crossed paths, I was scared to be what my parents were to me, but I also knew that they wouldn't be treated better if we left them. So after Suguru comforted my fear, I chose to be their mother, and not once have I regretted taking that leap. Now I can't think of anything better than being a mother.”

Choso smiles at you with soft admiration, making your face grow hot under his admiring gaze.

“Now you,” you bring back now that you’re alone. “What's got your mind wheels churning behind those nice eyes, hm?”

Choso scoffs and watches as he slithers a hand on the couch to slide it over yours and continue touching so he can feel that much closer to you.

“I wasn’t sure before. In the morning.” He begins to say and knits his thick eyebrows together. “But today when we got here and I heard that Yuji could’ve died yesterday against Sukuna, it became clear…I want him to consume my brothers.”

You blink with surprise and tilt your head down to meet his gaze. “Are you sure?” You make sure to ask only because he’s been so set on bringing his brothers to life so they can live a good life.

“Yuji could’ve died, y/n,” he argues and meets your gaze. “And there’s still a fight to come with Sukuna and Noritoshi. What brother would be if I continue disappointing him? This way he’ll be stronger, and my brothers will live on in Yuji.”

You begin to caress his knuckles with your finger and don’t argue. If this is what he wants all you can do is support his choice.

After making sure this is really what he wants.

“Are you sure, Choso? If he consumes them I don’t think you’ll be able to bring them back.”

Choso draws out a deep breath and nods without hesitation. “Yes, and I’m sure this is what they’d want too. This way he’ll have the support and strength of his older brothers, and we can make up for all our years of absence in his life.”

You hum in comprehension and hold his hand now. “All right,” you finally show him your support. “Sounds like a good plan. You’re a good brother, my love.”

That pet name escaped you. It’s something you haven’t said before and it almost makes you shy to say it, but it also feels so right saying it to him.

And it also doesn’t go unnoticed, Choso looks at you with surprise before he grows flustered.

“Thank you,” he says quietly. “I really needed to hear that after my choice.”

You smile at him and lift his hand to press a kiss on his fingers. “It’s like you said, they will all live through Itadori. It’s a good choice.”

Choso lets out all the tension he had on his shoulders with a deep breath.

“Now,” you interject and squirm. “Talking about brothers. I will warn you, my brother…he will be annoying towards you when he finds out we’re together.”

“Well we did fight,” Choso quickly justifies Satoru’s behavior, but that’s not what you’re referring to.

“No, no, honey, he will be annoying because he tends to do that with the people I’m with. He never really liked the idea of Suguru and me together until he reflected on it when it was too late.”

“You’re his little sister,” Choso rebuttals. “And he has a niece to consider as well. He’s just being protective.”

“There’s a way to be protective without being annoying,” you grumble as if it’s already happening. “But anyway, it’s just a warning, okay? So when he gets annoying towards you just shrug him off and ignore him, it’s what I do. And just continue being who you are, that will make him back off just a bit. All right? Just don’t let him intimidate you. Behind all that strong sorcerer exterior is a dorky and good-hearted guy.”

Choso nods in comprehension but doesn’t seem to grasp just how annoying Satoru can be.

He’ll know soon enough then.

——

*A COUPLE DAYS LATER*

“Hold up,” you immediately butt in as you catch Itadori and Takaba setting the backgate down in the middle of the room. “You’re not planning to release the seal are you?”

Both men look over at you with confusion, and Itadori interjects. “Yeah, can’t we?”

You share a nervous laugh and don’t know if he’s playing or not.

“I mean—”

“Now that you mention,” Takaba interrupts you and jumps to his feet. “This place is a bit dull for a homecoming...”

Oh. No.

“Should we decorate it a little? Do we have origami?” He continues to ask, making Satori's little face brighten at the mention as she sits next to Kurusu, the girl being used by Angel.

“I want to help!” Satori exclaims.

“Great!” Takaba shouts back and leans towards her. “Let’s make interlocked rings like so,” he demonstrates with his hands.

You glance over at Choso and share a slightly teasing look.

“I know what those are,” Satori says excitedly as she sits on her knees on the seat. “Me and my sisters made it for my mommy’s birthday.”

“Good, now what are his favorite colors?” Takaba wonders as he steps back.

“That’s not what I meant,” you interject before Angel bounces in.

“It is said time does not flow within the prison realm. Therefore, whatever is trapped inside will not die due to starvation or old age. The prisoner will live indefinitely so long as they do not end their own life.”

Satoru is strong-minded. He wouldn’t do that, would he?

Unless the prison realm is mentally torturing him

and having him live through his worst fear, or reliving bad memories.

But even still Satoru is strong-willed.

“It sounds like you could use it as a Time Machine if you wanted,” Hakari shares, making you smile in amusement.

“It wouldn't go as well as you would think,” Angel breaks his illusion. “Precisely because there is no concept of physical time, it is impossible for us to know how Satoru Gojo has perceived the last 19 days since Halloween. It could have felt like a blink of an eye for him, but it is equally possible that it felt like waiting 100 years.”

19 days have felt like an eternity for you, it’s like you’ve lived several lifetimes throughout those days, so you can only imagine what it’s like for your brother who is just stuck.

Hopefully, he’s been able to take it easy at least. He needs it.

“Hm, so what then?” Angel continues to share. “What I’m worried about is Satoru Gojo’s mental state. He’s the strongest sorcerer of the current generation, right?”

You nod and hum. “That’s right. So if Satoru is in a state of mental disarray…”

“…undoing the seal in a narrow space like this could be very dangerous, right?” Shoko finishes for you.

You can see now why that can be a catastrophic problem.

“When you put it that way,” Itadori muses with concern.

“Sounds pretty dangerous,” Hakari lets his imagination run wild too.

You sigh. “So where then?” You query.

The room falls silent for a moment as everyone thinks hard until you come up with an idea. “When I was a student I would go train at Kiroko mines, a Jujutsu high training ground. From what I remember it’s steep enough, and far away enough from the city.”

Albeit, the rocky and dirty terrain isn’t friendly enough to your heels that perfectly compliment your Vintage Viviene Westwood matching 2 piece look.

“Why didn’t you change shoes?” Shoko sounds like Nanami.

“Well.” You shrug and thank your modeling career for teaching you how to walk in heels in all kinds of terrain, or else you probably would have twisted an ankle. “I wasn’t planning to come here, and considering you and Choso,” you point your eyes at him beside you. “Have basically put me on house arrest. I don't bother to put on training attire.”

“It’s not like we’re running a runaway.”

“You can’t run a runway,” you sass her. “Unless it’s what the designer wants. You strut a runway.” You smirk and swiftly put on your sunglasses as the sun is bothering your eyes.

Shoko rolls her eyes and slides on her own sunglasses before she lifts them a little and leans toward your neck. “Is that—”

You cut her off by backing away towards Choso, and pull up the fur collar on your coat to cover the love mark on your neck.

However, if she's surprised by that she should see the rest of your body, Choso has been very loving and sweet and loves to leave marks on your body.

Even thinking about it now makes you all tingling.

And sure you could heal them but what’s the point in that? You like looking at them when you’re alone.

“Shut up,” you hiss at her nonetheless because your daughter is close by.

“Imagine if Satoru sees it, like, I’m so happy to be back and see you’re not dead, sister,” she mocks him. “Oh wait, is that?”

You glare at her and just ignore her even as she laughs softly at her own joke.

“Here seems to be a good spot,” Angel announces as Kurusu comes to a stop in front of sandbag barriers.

“Well,” you tell Shoko as you take the chairs Choso was holding for you and her. “Here goes our peace and quiet.”

“You said it,” she mumbles as you both fist pump while you take your seats.

“Mommy I want to be with the others,” Satori runs over to tell you.

You glance back at where Kirara and Hakari are to make sure it’s a safe spot when Angel opens the gate. “Alright, just hide behind the sandbags when they open the gate, ‘kay?”

Satori nods and you watch her run over to join Kirara and Hakari to just reassure yourself it’s safe before you return your worry to your brother's release.

What if it doesn’t work out? Or what if Tengen was wrong and Angel ends up destroying the Prison Realm and Satoru along with it?

Or what if Satoru comes out and he’s deranged? Or so traumatized he can’t even talk?

And the worst fear you have and might be a stretch is, what if somehow he loses his memory and forgets everything and everyone?

Okay yeah, that sounds a bit crazy. They all kind of stem from your growing stress and anxiety of getting your brother out because if it turns out you can’t get him out or he’s somehow dead, what will be of you then?

“Here we go!” Kurusu announces as she flies up to the sky, making you draw in a deep breath and start gnawing your nails.

Choso immediately notices your anxiety and reaches over to take your hand out of your mouth and interlace his fingers with yours instead, making you grab onto that same arm with your other hand as you watch Kurusu lift her trumpet, and take a deep breath before Inumaki shouts through his megaphone.

“Salmon!!”

Kurusu blows through her trumpet and a large and bright beam of light falls over the backgate like an explosion, causing high winds to blow dust back that you manipulate to not hit you and the other two you’re with.

Once the beam is gone, a thick cloud of dust now covers where the backgate was and the possibility of where Satoru could be.

“What happened?” Itadori shouts as everyone pops up like little gophers. “Gojo?! Is it safe to come close?!”

You only drop one hand off Choso’s arm, but keep holding his hand for support as you stand up and only take a step forward as all the students, and Satori run towards the place Satoru is supposed to be.

“Huh? Gojo?!” You hear Itadori shout as he enters the clearing dust cloud. And you can’t stand your nerves anymore, you join the others hand in hand with Choso.

And much to your disappointment as the dust clears the backgate is gone and your brother is nowhere to be seen.

“Did he disappear along with the prison realm?” Itadori asks worryingly.

Satori notices that her uncle isn’t appearing so she finds you and grabs your other hand.

“Where is he mom?” She whispers with worry.

You’re honest and shrug. “I don’t know,” you let her know. “But I’m sure he’s okay.”

“And thus yet another useless piece of trivia is known to the world,” Takaba interjects and it doesn’t land right. You’ve found him to be funny, but right now that ticks you off.

“Might Satoru Gojo be some kind of evil spirit?” Kurusu tries to defend what just happened. “It would explain why he disappeared when exposed to our light. So it isn’t really my fault then, right? Right?”

You narrow your gaze to a glare and hold yourself from once again going off on her like last time.

“She’s playing defense,” Itadori mutters.

“Well, can’t really argue that Gojo’s personality had some evil to it,” Shoko inputs nonchalantly, causing a small laugh to actually escape your lips.

Nevertheless, suddenly then you catch the pebbles beneath your feet begin to bounce calmly, while the dust on the ground begins to lift before you feel a shift beneath your feet. Meaning only one thing is starting to happen.

“Earthquake,” you announce to everyone with disbelief before the ground shakes violently, making you protectively wrap your arm around Satori.

“An earthquake?!” Kurusu shouts.

“This can't be a coincidence!!” Itadori says hopefully.

And you also can’t help but be hopeful now too, because it really can’t be a coincidence, the animals at home would’ve given it away by acting strange. They were calm last night and this morning. So this must be because of Satoru…

“Y/N what do you think it was?” Shoko asks once the ground stops trembling.

You scoff and look at her with a perplexed look. “What am I? A seismologist?”

She smirks. “I like how you immediately knew what they’re called.”

You flash her a half smile and shrug. “I watch a lot of nature documentaries. Anyway,” you change the subject. “I’m sure he’ll find us when he’s done with whatever he’s doing, so.” You grin now. “Why don’t we all go to my place now! We can welcome him there with food and whatever it is you guys wanted to make!”

“Hey yay!” Kirara exclaims.

“I would really love to go see your home!” Takaba says unexpectedly and you can’t help but laugh.

——

*LATER*

Everyone who went to the training grounds is here now waiting for Satoru to come after being released, hoping that what Kurusu and Angel did didn’t actually kill him. Even the second-year students are here at your house. Everyone except for him.

And it’s not like you expect a phone call or a message, it’s more than likely that his phone doesn’t work anymore considering where he's been, but it’s been a while since he was released. Takaba, Satori, and some others have already hung up decorations and made a welcome-back cake in the time you’ve been waiting.

Which is why you go out to your back porch and worry. Just for a little. It’s so crowded inside that it only heightens your stress, even if half of the students are out on the grounds exploring what your community has to offer.

It’s almost getting hard to breathe with all the worry crumbling you.

But you stay strong, you have to keep hope, and not think of the possibility of having him actually be dead. Because if he is…

“Mommy!” A muffled call breaks you from your train of thought before the back door slides open and you hear clearer. “Mommy!”

You draw out a deep breath and hide your stress with a smile before you stand up straight and turn to look at her. “Yes…” your words fall out of your mouth as you see who’s standing tall behind her. An unbelievable yet comforting sight that erases all the worry and fear that had been eating away at you, and that slowly erases the grudge and slight dislike you held against him, returning that pure unconditional love you once so deeply had for your brother.

“Satoru,” you whisper shakily in disbelief.

Said man let’s go of your daughter's hand and steps forward to study you from head to toe with his bright blue eyes starting to gleam as they narrow on you.

“My six eyes are telling me it’s you, but…I saw you,” he says breathlessly. And for the first time in a long time, you see tears running down his cheeks. “He killed you.”

You nod. “He did, but not at that time, I lived. I had a small window and I took it. I’m here.”

A small smile twitches on his pink lips but instead of coming at you, you assure him one last time.

“I’m really here.”

Satoru lets out a breathless scoff and without waiting another minute you both break away from your spots and meet each other halfway with a tight embrace.

Which feels kind of unbelievable. It feels like a dream, and now you’re scared that it is and you’ll wake up with him still gone.

Albeit his scent isn’t so dreamlike, he smells like sweat and whiffs of death.

You’d usually tell him off but he gets a pass today. Besides it’s not like you can actually let go, you cling onto him out of fear he’ll be gone all over again.

“I’m so happy you’re home!” Satori exclaims and throws her arms around you and Satoru, making him laugh softly before he breaks away and crouches to her level to hold her cheeks.

“I’m so happy to see you, Sugar,” he calls her by the nickname he stole from you. “It’s felt like ages! I mean you even look taller.”

Satori's eyes widen and she hovers her hand above her head to compare her height to him. “Really?!” She asks excitedly.

Satoru snickers and shakes his head. “No.”

Satori’s smile falls and she points a glare at him, “you know maybe it was better when you were locked away.”

“Satori,” you scold her.

Nevertheless, Satoru laughs at her remark and doesn’t find it offensive whatsoever.

“I missed you,” he tells her sweetly.

She can’t help but grin and then grab his hands. “I made you a present. And I bought you one too!”

“Oo, I like presents, why don’t you give them to me later though, hm?”

Satori nods. “All right.”

You sigh and interject. “Satori, why don’t you wait for us inside? I need to talk to your uncle okay?”

Satori is hesitant and looks at you with pleading eyes so you can let her stay, but you don’t give in and just narrow your eyes, causing her to sigh dramatically before she stomps inside, leaving Satoru and you alone.

“I was told that I was only gone for 19 days, but,” Satoru begins to say as he stands up to his given height. “It’s felt like 19 years.”

“Satoru,” you speak with sorrow. “It’s Fushiguro—”

“I know,” he cuts you off and turns to face you. “I got out and went to go find our “friend”,” he spats out that word with spite. “…in Suguru’s body and Sukuna was there with a little thing with a bad colored bob.”

Your lips twitch to an amused smile, but it doesn’t take long before a frown creases on your face. “I wasn’t there that day, I’m sorry…I know what the boy meant to you. I'm sorry I couldn't save him from that fate.”

Satoru lets out a deep breath and walks over to stand next to you against the wooden railing. “It was Sukuna, y/n, there wasn’t anything you could’ve done to stop him from taking what he wanted.”

Shoko said that too, but who knows, maybe you could’ve done something.

Your guilt makes you feel that way anyway.

“And you should know so you don’t go on the rest of your day wondering,” you continue with more terrible news. “Nanami…and…the twins are gone,” you barely manage to finish even if you knew, even if you saw that they were at peace now.

Maybe it’s the fact that you’re telling your big brother that triggers your grief to reappear like if it was the first time sharing the news, or the fact that no matter what, your heart will still break because they’re not actually here, but you can’t help but share it in a quivering voice and feel your heart break.

“I’m sorry,” you murmur.

Satoru looks away and nods as he understands right away.

You don’t need to simplify the news to him, he’s not 6 years old. He knows what you mean, and the news falls on him like a heavy weight he can’t actually carry.

“I’m sorry,” he tells you quietly. “You losing your girls shouldn't have happened. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help. Was it…”

“Kenjaku?” You fill his silence so he can know his name. “No…it was Sukuna. They wanted to free Suguru,” you share with each word pulling tears out of your eyes. “They were there to free him and I didn’t know. I should have known, I should have paid more attention to them. I should have fought them to go back home, but I…I,” your voice breaks and you can’t even finish what you wanted to say because of your tears triggered by grief.

“You trusted them,” Satoru assures you and reaches over to hold your hand. “You were a good mother. You trusted them and let them make their own choice. It’s not your fault.”

Tears stream down your face now over his sweet words.

“They’re still gone,” you bring yourself down. “I wasn’t strong enough to save them. I was weak…a weak link,” you whisper the words your parents told you under your breath, but he catches them and quickly rebuttals.

“Y/N I told you not to listen to what they would tell you. They aren’t right, you’ve proved that time and time again. Losing the twins wasn't because you were weak, it was because Sukuna is evil. We’re going to kill him.”

You take his words to heart and answer with a comprehensive silence before you interject. “I’m sorry, it’s your first day back and I’m hounding you with all my trauma.”

He scoffs. “I don’t mind. I’m actually…glad you could talk to me about it.” He says and turns his head away from the scenery ahead of him to look at you. “I missed you.”

You laugh softly and meet his gaze. “Oh wow, who would’ve known Satoru has such a good heart, and sarcasm and bad jokes aren’t all he knows.”

He rolls his eyes away but a smirk tugs on his lips.

“Satoru,” you say after a deep breath. “I forgive you for leaving me that day. I didn't know if I ever could. And to be honest, throughout these 19 days I was still unsure.” You sigh. “But seeing you today, being able to talk to you again made me realize I don’t want to hold that against you anymore. So I forgive you. I hope we can be as close as we once were.”

Satoru looks at you in silence for a lingering moment before he lets out a relieved breath and smiles. “Well isn’t that a treat?”

You muster a soft laugh, and his smile falters as he looks down and pats the railing before he holds onto it.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t trust you enough to take you back with me that day,” he shares from the bottom of his heart, making your breath hitch. “I knew how they treated you and I still turned my back on you that day. Me being scared and protective doesn’t defend why I left you, we should have left together, and I should have let you make your own choice.”

More tears roll down your cheeks, but this time they’re happy tears. Tears of relief since for 11 years that's all you wanted to hear from him.

“It’s okay,” you assure him with a happy smile.

He leaves a moment of silence as you both relish in your joy after your heart-to-heart.

You almost don’t want to break it because you’re enjoying it so much, but he breaks his silence with a curious question. “Do you think you still would have left with Suguru if we had gone back home together?”

You sigh deeply and shrug. “I don’t know. I really don’t. I didn't believe in helping non-sorcerers by then so I really don’t know.”

He hums and silence falls again, this time it lasts a while and you finally find the need to go inside to join the others. However, there’s one more thing you need to share.

“Before we go inside I need to tell you something,” you laugh nervously and lean back on your heels while you hold onto the railing. “I’m dating Choso. Itadori’s brother. The guy with the blood manipulation technique that attacked you that day in Shibuya.”

“Oh?” Satoru gasps, and from the corner of your eyes, you can already see how perplexed he looks which makes reading him hard.

“After 19 days?” He asks.

Does he mean that in a rude way, or a curious one?

You can’t tell and it only makes you more nervous.

“A lot has happened since then,” you explain yourself. “I’ve lived so many lives, and he’s been there throughout it all. He’s really been my support system. I don’t know what I would have done without him, so be nice okay?” You plead and look at him with a soft begging gaze so it could be harder for him to go against you.

“What does Satori think?” He makes sure to ask.

You sigh. “She liked him before I told her, after he saved her from Kenjaku’s clutches, but after I told her I think she’s scared he’s going to replace her dad in some way. She just needs time though. I understand that.”

Satoru hums and your heart nervously skips a beat.

“He’s nice and sweet. And he really loves me, and he cares for Satori,” you try to say in Choso’s defense. “And I really love him too.”

Satoru scoffs, but he doesn’t share what he hides behind that displeased scoff. Instead, he just feigns a faint smile and nods to assure you before he interjects. “He’s Yuji’s brother you say?”

You laugh with relief as you believe he’s okay with your news. Even if you weren’t asking permission, you were just letting him know because he’s your brother and you don’t want to hide your relationship.

“Yeah, how about Itadori tells you though,” you say happily and land back on your feet before you let go of the railing and start heading towards the door. “It’s a long story.”

“Okay,” he mutters and hides what’s slowly building up inside.

“Now let’s go inside, you must be starving.” You add and open the door. And as if summoned by your conversation the first person you see right as you walk in is Choso.

And he of course spots you right away and can’t help but offer you a faint smile since he was waiting for you to come in. However, when his eyes find your tear-stained cheeks his smile falls to a frown and he basically runs to your side.

“Are you okay? Why are you crying?” He worries about you as he grabs your chin to look at the stains as if they were causing you physical harm.

“I’m okay,” you assure him as you pull his hands off your face, but keep one in the warmth of your hold. “I'm just happy to see my brother, that's all. You’d understand that.”

Choso and you share a soft laugh, and unknowingly that only irritates Satoru. Seeing Choso and you hold hands ticks him off.

When Suguru and you told him you were dating so long ago he was upset, but knowing you’re dating Choso really pisses him off.

A/N- what if I wrote a what-if If chapter? 🤔🤔

Tagged- @deniseabad1928 @secondary-character-25 @starlightanyaaa @notsaelty @d4rno @moonnime @kodzukein @yozora7154 @heijihattorisgf @elegantweirdorchest @natakina

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bunnakit · 1 year ago

Text

last twilight ep 10 thoughts, feelings, etc

back at it again at the krispy kreme friends. i cried this episode for so, so many different reasons. i'll also show you guys my raw reactions at the end of this, the insanity you guys don't see because i want you to respect me a little.

i didn't make one of these last week because i felt like that episode didn't need any words. some things you just need to feel and to talk about them cheapens what it truly is. that's not to say i didn't absolutely love everyone's posts and meta, i just thought anything i had to say could be felt in the episode itself and i didn't need to fumble my way through it.

Day is so at peace with what is going on and it's so beautiful to see, but the fact that he has to comfort his mother, that she's held onto this delusion that magically everything is going to be okay, is pretty irksome. she's had bare minimum a year, i think nearly two at this point, to accept the truth and she just hasn't and now it's biting her in the ass. but once again, this is something so realistic. i literally JUST dealt with this myself with my mother-in-law in October. once again P'Aof captures the truth of people and our natures.

and it's no wonder things have been so strained between Day and Night. she constantly forces Night to be Day's jailer, to escort him to his cell because the warden said so. it's a horrible position for her to put Night in and it's no wonder he feels so alone and abandoned by his family. it's no wonder Day resents him. Night is trying so hard to make them both love him again and he's been trapped in the middle of a war of attrition and paying penance for something that is in no way shape or form his fault. and then to later learn she HAS blamed Night? it's a horrible situation for him to be in, something he never deserved.

this was so sexy of Mhok, as most things are. you should have been there. it should have been you doing that for your SON. you should have taken the time to be there for him, to see that sight with him, to give him what he wants. but you weren't. you never are.

Day's mom stresses about Day's safety but safety is about so much more than a physical state of being. Mhok has done so much to ensure Day's mental safety and well being, he's done so much to improve Day's every day life. but that doesn't matter to her because she always refused to acknowledge things had gotten that bad. in another life Day never met Mhok and i wonder if things took a dark turn. i don't think Day was on a good trajectory.

here we reach bunn cries phase 1. i was so worried here that Mhok meant their entire relationship but i'm glad to see he just meant this chapter. they've started a new book together; no longer one about a caretaker and his charge but a man and his lover. what a gorgeous way to convey that journey. P'Aof i love you, do you know?

Night, i know i wasn't sure about you for a long time but you've really become one of my favorite people this episode. even Night can see his mom taking away Day's agency, can see her taking away everything Day has become this last year. he doesn't want his brother to disappear again, he just got him back.

god Day's bravery here. he's become so confident, so self assured, because Mhok taught him that he could be, that his blindness didn't make him weak. i know i say it every week lately but i'm so PROUD.

FINALLY SOMEONE SAYS IT. the way she took his phone away INFURIATED ME. you're taking away an important tool of freedom and agency from your FULL GROWN ADULT SON. where the fuck do you get off? and talking about doing things her way under her roof. if it was me i would be out of that house so fucking fast, staying with literally anyone else. the tragic thing is Day doesn't have that option. his disability has left him a victim of his mom's bullshit, given her a huge way to control him. it's disgusting, i'm sorry. i've tried to give her the benefit of the doubt for so long but she went way, way too far this episode.

even Night is sick of her shit and knows this is fucked up. Night once again i'm so sorry i doubted you. he knows how good Mhok is for Day and how good they are for each other. Mhok has only ever been kind to Night and i think that has gone a long way in Night's defense of him as well - not that i think he wouldn't have done it without that but i certainly think it has helped.

and what a fucking breakthrough this was. Day once again telling someone 'i see you.' Day is so good at seeing people once he lets go of his preconceived notions an biases. i can't imagine what a relief this was to Night to know it wasn't just his perception of the situation but something other people see and acknowledge. and he brushes it off, says it's because Day's a crying baby, but they both know that's not all of it.

bunn cries phase 2 is here. i BURST into ugly tears at this moment. it wouldn't be bunn meta if i didn't share a personal anecdote so here we go.

ANECDOTE START ->

i mentioned in my last post, prior to episode 9, that my dad was shit. i'm talking had me, an infant, in the middle of a meth den, in the middle of a raid level of bad. one of my earliest memories is a police officer kneeling down and talking to me while i colored in a coloring book and they searched the apartment. (my mom had no idea until a few years ago when a family friend shared this story. he protected me, thank fucking god.) my real dad went on to get clean (as far as i know) but was emotionally abusive among a whole slew of other issues.

when i was two years old my stepdad came into my life. he would've been just 27 at the time. he fell in love with my mom but wasn't sure if he wanted the responsibility of a kid. my mom said okay and broke up with him. they spent months miserable without each other (they've both told me their sides of this story) until my dad said okay, i can do this, and came back. and you know what? he was amazing. he didn't always get it right but he tried. he stayed up and read me The Hobbit and did silly voices for the dwarves and sang the songs and tucked me into bed and he loved me. (we have matching tattoos from that exact copy of The Hobbit, which i still have tucked away safe.)

we butt heads SO MUCH my teenage years. he had a temper and i was depressed and angry and dealing with so much teenage bullshit. but he still took me to breakfast every sunday, just the two of us, and we'd go see movies together. sundays were our day. he always called me his kid and people joked that somehow magically my mom had his kid before even meeting him. we even look alike. we have all the same tastes.

now as an adult we get along really well. (we still butt heads but it's bc we're exactly alike.) he and my mom have been together almost 30 years. he recently came into my office, a little tipsy, and hugged me and spent almost an entire hour telling me how much he loves me, how proud he is of me, how grateful he is that he had me as his kid, how having me is better than any blood child they could've had. (they tried for years but my parents were never able to have any kids.)

<- ANECDOTE END

some of the best family in the world is those that choose to be your family. i was never his responsibility, not really, but he put everything into being my dad. from just this little statement from Night i see so much of my dad in this moment and i couldn't fucking take it.

Night, i love you. i love you so much. he says it so effortlessly, so confidently. what a man.

so i acknowledge here that their mother is finally starting to get it. she's starting to get things right. she even makes Night's favorite food and makes sure he knows he's loved. she takes the time to try and understand Day, to blindfold herself like Mhok did, etc. and i acknowledge it takes people their own time to come to terms with things, to accept things, and maybe her journey of acceptance was a little longer than others.

however.

this scene shows that she always had the option to cancel. she could have always done this for Day. she could have been there. she could have taken him to the mountain and seen the sunset with him. i have to wonder if Mhok's comment really got to her, i have to believe it did. i think she finally realized that she can no longer be the one that's blind. she has to see reality. it's a big step for her and i'm happy but i'm still so annoyed it took this long for it to happen. but hey - parents fuck up. they do. they fuck us up, even if they don't mean to. once again it's something very, very real from P'Aof, even if i don't like it.

my first knee jerk reaction to this moment was wow, she's infantilizing Day again, but then i sat and really thought about it. in the context of this moment, i think this is okay. sometimes it's just nice to be cared for and Day seems completely receptive to it. fuck, i'm 31 and sometimes i just go curl up with my mom and let her pet my hair, sometimes she makes me my favorite food because she knows i had a bad day, sometimes she babies me a little because she knows i'm having a bad day with my disability.

not everything is infantilization. sometimes it's love and care, the only way they know how. sometimes all you want is a parent's familiar love from years ago. so in the context of everything, i think this was a really nice moment to see, Day taking comfort in his mom's love again.

and despite everything Day still managed to see Mhok, to show him he cares, he thought of him, and wouldn't leave him alone. and then he gives him an oven mitt he made himself, he painted himself, because Mhok took him to learn to paint without his sight. they're so fucking beautiful, so kind and gentle and loving to each other. they're so fucking considerate. Day says you're my sun, i believe in you, i'm proud of you, i support you all in one seemingly simple gift.

i'm reserving my thoughts from the preview for next week but i highly doubt things are going to turn out the way they seem to be teasing. i'll wait to see what happens.

as always thank you so much for reading my rambling bullshit. smooches, take care of yourselves, drink water, take your meds, eat something.

tag loves: @nutcasewithaknife @benkaaoi @callipigio @infinitelyprecious

oh yeah here are my raw reactions before i take the time to really think about everything i've watched.

#bunn meta #last twilight #last twilight the series #mhokday #morkday #userjamiec #I'M BACK BITCHES

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animatorweirdo · 11 months ago

Text

When the Dragons Fly (Book 2)

The day to change the course of Middle Earth came near, and Maedhros decided to finally tell you his real identity.

Chapter 14

Warnings: mentions of an incoming battle, mentions of dagor bragollach, Maedhros expexting the worse, mentions of dead people, threat of killing, a soft moment, and mention of the dream.

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The snow had arrived early on the hills of Himring, blanketing the landscape in a serene white color. Inside his study, Maedhros pondered deeply. He had meticulously outlined the plan to his brothers and allies, persuading them to join his cause despite various obstacles. Three tiring years had been spent preparing and refining his strategy, and now, the moment had arrived to set things in motion.

Yet, for some reason, he could not help but ponder your words inside his head.

The worst enemy is the one you know least about.

He held unwavering confidence in his plan to assault Angband, determined to rid the world of Morgoth's evil and reclaim the Silmarils, the cherished heirlooms of his house. Yet, your words resonated with a hint of truth. Maedhros realized he knew little of Morgoth's activities in the past years. The Dark Lord had remained concealed within his fortress until someone daringly infiltrated and pilfered a Silmaril from his crown.

During the siege, no one knew Morgoth had gathered enough forces to overcome most of the Noldor strongholds and then released the flames, causing destruction and death. It was because of a lack of preparation and knowledge that Maedhros and his kin barely survived the war that followed.

Dagor Bragollach was a devastating battle, so Maedhros could only wonder what kind of dangers he might face during his assault.

There were the Balrogs, as Morgoth had many under his service, and the dragon Glaurung, who had not been seen since his cousin managed to drive the creature back to Angband all those years ago. Could the beast have matured to adulthood in the past years? If so, could Morgoth release the beast upon him and his kin if he showed himself?

A sigh left him as he began to feel certain doubts about his plan. He should have taken the dangers more into consideration before assembling the forces.

He didn’t want to blame you for anything, but you had unintentionally planted a seed of doubt in his mind.

Knocks suddenly echoed from his door.

"Come in," Maedhros called out, and Maglor was the one to open the door and walk in, an uncommon occurrence unless it was about important matters.

"Our soldiers are nearly prepared to march toward Thangorodrim," Maglor started. "All that is left is for us to wait for the dwarves of Belegost and the Easterlings to arrive, and then we will be ready. Our brothers have already settled into their new roles," he explained. "We will have more men joining us once we embark on this journey," he added.

"Good. We will be ready to begin the assault the day after tomorrow," Maedhros stated.

"I nearly can't believe that we're doing this, but counting the forces we have— we might be able to pull this off," Maglor crossed his arms.

"Well, you better believe it, brother. It is now or all the years of work that have been in vain," Maedhros stated.

"I must ask, why did you stall the date when we were originally supposed to embark for a day? Is there something important you must do?" Maglor questioned.

Maedhros then thought about you. The day of the celebration was on the day when he originally planned to start his assault. Since you invited him, he decided he could indulge you to see you one last time. You seemed eager to see him there, so for your and Aelon's joy, he would come, but most importantly, to tell you the truth about himself.

He knew he shouldn't indulge himself in a simple celebration, especially at such an important time of planning. However, he felt it was the right time to tell you the truth.

For three long years, he had enjoyed your company, training Aelon and finding solace in your presence while unfairly keeping you in the dark about his true identity.

He had no desire to ruin the friendship he had with you. He appreciated your caring nature and calm demeanor. You were an excellent conversationalist and even charming in your own way. However, it was now time you two deserved to know the truth, especially considering that things could change forever.

He held great respect for you and had grown fond of Aelon, but he could no longer withhold the truth.

"Just some private matters. It will be quick, so do not worry about it," Maedhros answered after a long silence.

"I guess this has something to do with your special place," Maglor smiled. "I won't pry into it, but I do demand to know who you have been seeing for the past years after this," he added before leaving the study.

Maedhros thought to himself in silence. Surprisingly, he found himself a little afraid when he would finally tell you the truth. He had never understood his cousin's fascination with humans, but now, having come to know you personally, he finally understood. However, since he and his house did not possess a great reputation, he could not help but fear your reaction upon learning the truth.

As the autumn leaves began to fall from the trees, you were assisting with the village preparations alongside Aelon. Laughter filled the air as Aelon engaged in mischief with his friends, led by the mischievous Eweniel, who was often the instigator of pranks, with Aelon eagerly joining in her schemes.

Maedhros observed from a distance as he emerged from the forest, accompanied by Bathor, taking in the sight of you smiling and laughing at Aelon's antics. It was a scene he cherished. He could not help but envision a future where you two could live each day with more joy and freedom, unburdened by the looming threat of Morgoth.

You then noticed him and smiled. "Oh, hey! You made it!" you walked up to him. "It's been a while since your last visit. I nearly believed you were not coming at all,"

"Well, since you kindly invited me. I thought it would be rude to miss it out," Maedhros said.

"Am I too early?" he asked.

"No, not at all," you assured him with a warm smile. "You're right on time. The celebration will start at sundown. Fair warning, though, since most of the village men are leaving tomorrow to join the incoming battle. They're going to bring out their strongest booze, so it might get wild when the pyres are set on fire," you explained.

Maedhros smiled softly. "I need to ride back home, so I wasn't planning on drinking, but I appreciate the warning," he said, then looked you in the eyes. "There is something I want to talk about after the celebration. Will that be alright with you?" he asked.

"Of course, but let's just enjoy and have fun. Celebrations like these happen rarely," you smiled as Maedhros followed you along.

The night unfolded swiftly. Villagers drank, sang, and danced around the pyres while Aelon and his friends enjoyed snacks and games. You and Maedhros observed from the sidelines, engaging in conversation and savoring the harvested fruits.

Maedhros felt grateful that nobody in the village recognized him, seeing him merely as your peculiar friend from the woods.

The celebration feast was joyous, and midnight arrived sooner than expected. You convinced Aelon to retire after his playtime with friends and helped Helena escort her drunken father and brother home, with Hadar slightly tipsy after winning a drinking contest.

You and Maedhros then walked toward your house after bidding goodnight to Helena and her family.

“This night has been a lively one,” you said, making him crack a smile.

“It sure was,” he uttered.

"And to think most of them will leave tomorrow to join a battle, where some of them might never return," you remarked, prompting Maedhros to pause, contemplating the truth he had been withholding all night.

“(Name)... the thing I wanted to talk about,” he started, making you stop and turn to look at him.

“Actually, there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you,” you said, and he looked back at you with a curious look. “Then ask away,” he politely allowed you to talk first— curious to hear what you had to ask.

“Nelyo… is that your real name?” you asked. Maedhros looked back at you with surprise. “I mean no offense, but I had this feeling since the second time we met that… you have been avoiding telling about yourself,” you explained.

“I can understand if there are some things you want to keep private, but going as far as to avoid telling your real name. Well— it has been bothering me for quite some time,” you waited for his reaction.

Maedhros released a sigh he had been holding back. “You are sharp as ever, (Name),” he stated. “To think you have been suspicious of me since the beginning,” he then looked into your eyes.

“Nelyo is partially my name. It’s a shortened nickname from my father’s name, Nelyafinwe,” He explained, then took a deep breath.

"(Name), I have enjoyed your and Aelon’s company for the past three years. They have been perhaps one of the happiest years of my long life, and I value the friendship we have created," he sighed. "But, as you have suspected, I have not been completely honest with you or Aelon," he said.

“My actual name is Maedhros, the eldest son of Feanor, and I am the one who had called all the people to gather and fight against Morgoth under my union,” he revealed, then looked away from your eyes with shame in his heart. “I hope you can forgive me for keeping my identity hidden like that,” he said and waited for your anger.

“I forgive you,” You said, making him look back at you. “But I must ask why you felt the need to hide yourself from us?” you asked with your arms crossed.

“I’m… not entirely sure myself,” Maedhros uttered, having not expected such a calm reaction from you.

“Perhaps I did not want to scare you away. My house doesn’t— exactly have a well-received reputation around Beleriand,” He said. “But then I began enjoying the normality of my visits to you and Aeon. I didn’t have to worry about the troubles I face every day and finally do something else that doesn’t involve my duties or the oath I had sworn,” he explained before looking at you with guilt.

“I began to treat you and this place as something where I can escape. I’m sorry. It was unfair of me,” Maedhros bowed his head.

“Well, I appreciate that you decided to tell me yourself instead of letting us find out,” you said. “And I’m certain Aelon has already forgiven you. He idolizes you. He will most likely ask more questions and want to learn everything about you,” you smiled.

“You are not truly angry with me for keeping this from you?” Maedhros asked as you two kept walking.

"No... I can understand it from your point of view," you said thoughtfully. "In truth... we have not been completely honest with you either," you glanced at the elf beside you as he looked at you with confusion in his eyes.

"Our last name, Targaryen… Well, there is more to it than just being a family name. You see— we come from a noble lineage as well. We’re from… House Targaryen,” you said, feeling hesitant to reveal more.

“You would not know about that because the place we’re from is so far away that it does not show on any map of Arda,” you explained.

“And… Aelon doesn’t know this…” you stopped walking, “But the real reason I left our family was to protect him,” you revealed, making Maedhros look at you with a frown.

“His birth was not meant to happen, and since I was not very popular with the rest of our relatives. I decided to take him and run away. He would have died in his first weeks of life if I had stayed,” you said with sadness as you remembered all the dangers you faced trying to protect Aelon.

“That’s… horrible. What of your father and mother?” Maedhros asked.

“My father did fall in a battle, but my mother…” you stopped. “She was too weak after giving birth to Aelon. She didn’t make it,” you added. Maedhros looked at you with sympathy.

“And the reason why I was not popular with my relatives was because I was filth-blooded in their eyes and because they were afraid of me for the reputation I had,” you explained.

“My father was a commander, and he raised me to fight alongside him. When he died, I took his place, and to ensure the safety and the power of our house. I… did some horrible things,” you said the last part quietly, remembering the crimes you committed and the blood on your hands.

“I’m not so innocent as you may think me to be,” you stated.

“But despite everything I did to keep our house safe from our enemies. It was not enough for my relatives, save for my uncle, who was one of the only ones to treat me with respect and certain familial love,” you remembered your sweet-minded uncle, who might have been too naive and blind to the danger and hatred around him.

“So, after fleeing with Aelon in my arms, I hoped I could start over and leave my past behind. To lay down the blade and pursue things I enjoy without worrying about their consequences,” you explained.

You glanced at Maedhros, who had been listening intently. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you this before,” you said, now waiting for his reaction.

“I’m not angry at all. I understand that you were in a difficult situation,” Maedhros replied, shaking his head. “And whatever you might have done in the past. I can hardly judge you for it, as I have done terrible things as well,” he said empathetically.

"You might think differently of me if you even knew half of the things I did," you uttered, your hands unconsciously recalling the sensation of blood trickling between your fingers, the blood of the innocent.

“Perhaps we’re more similar than we thought,” Maedhros stated.

“Maybe… but I was bound by no oath,” you nearly whispered.

"(Name)," Maedhros gently grasped your hand, the warmth of his touch almost startling you. He held your hand firmly and looked deeply into your eyes.

"You should not let the past hold you back. You've started over and done good things. I might not know what your life was like back then, but from what I have seen, you've changed and seem happy," he said reassuringly.

"I am..." you began.

"And you've done an excellent job raising Aelon to be a good person. Don’t forget that," he continued, smiling warmly.

"It was not easy..." you replied with a smile.

"Raising a younger sibling for the first time is a challenge. And I’ve done it six times," he added, eliciting a giggle from you.

“Thank you, Nelyo— or Maedhros, If I should say,” you smiled at him teasefully. “I didn’t think someone would accept me even after knowing my past and that I have not been a good person,” you said.

“You are now. And besides, I expected you to scream at me and then throw a shoe at me after learning who I truly am,” Maedhros said, making you grin at the thought.

“I always preferred to keep a calm head,” you remarked.

“And that’s one of the things I admire about you,” Maedhros replied.

“Perhaps our meeting was fate,” you stated. “Maybe, but I am glad that Bathor ran away that day and gave me the chance to meet you,” Maedhros said as you two continued walking toward your home.

“If I can ask. Since you are behind the upcoming battle, do you really think you could defeat Morgoth?” you asked.

“I believe so. I’ve gotten this far already, so there’s no turning back,” Maedhros said. “We have enough forces, so it has to work,” he added.

“You sound… a bit desperate,” you said after listening to his tone.

“There might be some unknown enemies we may face once we begin marching, but something has to be done, and I have longed for the day when my family could finally reclaim the lost heirloom of our house,” he explained.

“But you know, this might not be just about simply reclaiming what we had lost, but to defeat Morgoth and finally allow the people of Beleriand to live peacefully,” he said. “And perhaps to protect you…” he looked down at you.

“Me?” you questioned.

“You and Aelon. I want to be rid of Morgoth so you can live in peace, and Aelon never has to fear going through the woods again,” he explained. “He has lived in fear long enough,” he added.

“That is a noble cause, but… why do I hear hesitation in your voice?” you questioned.

“I… might be afraid because if this fails, then all is lost,” he said as you two arrived at your house.

“It’s late. I need to get back. The marching will begin tomorrow,” Maedhros said, then went to retrieve Bathor from the side of your house.

“Will we see you again?” you asked as he climbed upon his horse.

“I do not know. Things might change drastically after this,” he said. “But let's not lose hope. This doesn’t have to be our last meeting,” he added.

“I bid you goodnight,” he bowed his head.

“Goodnight. I wish you a safe return,” you said. He nodded, clicking his heels and riding into the night.

You thought about everything as you watched him disappear from your sight. His real identity didn't really come as a shock to you, but now you were bothered by the impending battle and the dream you had seen. His tone gave off too much desperation. One thing you knew from your past as a commander was that a desperate leader hardly ever wins a war.

Taglist: @natchayaphorn @kimnamnu@thatrandomidiot182 @springfountain

#silmarillion x reader #silmarillion #tolkien #silm fic #middle earth x reader #when the dragons fly #hotd x reader #hotd #middle earth #silmarillion imagines #various x reader #targaryen reader #silmarillion x targaryen reader #maedhros x reader

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runnning-outof-time · 2 years ago

Text

Birmingham | Tommy Shelby x Reader (Part 16)

Previous Part

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x reader

Summary: Some of (Y/N)'s past comes to light during the drive to Sheffield. She’s finally able to speak to her brother, and have the upperhand for once…until things change on a dime. Thankfully Tommy's there to back her up. After everything goes down, her mum is the first thing she can think about.

Warnings: language, strained familiar relationship, psychological abuse, weapons, violence (typical to series), character death, mentions of drinking

Word Count: 3151

A/N: alright, y’all…here’s the chapter. It’s all going down here. I hope that it doesn’t disappoint given this type of material isn’t what I normally write. A big shoutout is in order for @peakyscillian , who helped me with the structure for a part of this chapter. Also bonus points if you can pick out the line of Garrett’s where I channeled Fitzgerald from The Revanent. Enjoy ! :)

PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!

Comment/Message me if you’d like to be tagged!

(Y/N) kept her hands twisted tightly together in her lap as she stared out at the road ahead of her. With each second that passed, her grip got stronger. It was to the point where her fingernails were digging into her skin, but she didn't care. She needed some way to alleviate this nervous feeling that was bubbling up inside of her.

"Are you ok, (Y/N)?" she heard Tommy ask beside her. His voice made her look over at him to see that he was taking quick glances in her direction in between staying focused on the road. He must've seen the death grip she had on herself.

"Honestly...no," she answered, exhaling a long breath then. "I...my mind's not stopped since we've left Birmingham."

"What's going through it?" he asked, glancing in her direction once more.

"I can't stop thinking about what we're going to do. It's not quite the homecoming that anyone first thinks of," she responded, a bit of a nervous laugh bubbling past her lips after she finished speaking.

"(Y/N), if you're having doubts about being the one who..."

"No. It's not doubt about that," she abruptly cut him off the second she realized the direction his statement was heading in, "I'm the one who's going to do this. I need to...for my own sanity and for the hope that I can gain some peace moving forward. I will go about every day in a much calmer state of mind once I know he's no longer a threat to my mother or I."

Tommy slowed the car down and pulled over to the side of the road after noticing the shift in her voice as it faded out towards the end of her statement. He knew that her past with her family was complicated, but the extent of it had never been shared with him. Seeing her sink further into herself the closer they got to Sheffield made him realize that maybe now was the time to get the full extent of the story.

"Why're we stoppin'?!" Arthur called from the car behind Tommy's.

"Just stay in the car!" Tommy called back to him, killing the engine before he turned to look at (Y/N).

"What did we stop for?" (Y/N) asked a similar question to Arthur's.

"You seemed to be getting worse the closer we got to Sheffield," he told her his observation, "figured that maybe you'd need a moment."

(Y/N) was biting back her tears at this point. "I've taken one, so let's go, yeah?" her statement came out a little more forced than she'd hoped.

"Let's take another," he went against her wishes before continuing, "you said that you'd have a calmer state of mind once he's dealt with...what do you mean by that?" he decided to come right out with his curiosity, hoping that she'd trust him enough to share with him.

(Y/N) looked at Tommy for a few moments, deciding whether or not she wanted to open up and explain her past to him. Then she remembered him opening up to her about his past and what he was going through when they were at the Garrison. With a deep breath and a long sigh, she decided that he was someone she could confide in.

"As much as I hate to say it, I have not a good memory shared with either of my brothers," she started, seeing Tommy's eyebrows furrow together before she continued, "when my father took charge of the gang, he began to push the idea that a woman's place was outside the sphere of business. He brought my brothers up on that idea, so naturally they fell right into place with enforcing it. My mother...she was fine with it. It followed right in line with the Weller family's idea that a woman couldn't be the head of the gang, which was why my father took charge in the first place. But my brothers...they took it a step too far most times. They'd often take the psychological route..." she trailed off then, her voice giving out as different instances of her brothers making her feel inferior began to come to mind.

"Love, you don't need to..."

"No, I need to," she abruptly cut Tommy off, shaking her head as she squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, "maybe speaking about it will help alleviate the burden they've placed on me."

"Only if you feel comfortable," he told her, and she nodded her head before taking a deep breath.

She continued once she'd let it out slowly, "when I was younger it was the typical boys vs. girls, kid typed things. They'd tell me that I couldn't play with them, or that I couldn't be a part of the things they were doing. Clay pretty much stayed in that realm as he got older too; he'd tell me the same thing our father had instilled into our minds: a woman's place wasn't in business and that I had no need to be trying to insert myself into situations where I wasn't welcome. Garrett, on the other hand...he never knew how far was too far. He'd take every chance he got to put me down; to tell me that I wasn't good enough or that I couldn't handle anything. He liked to remind me that, because I was a woman, I was essentially useless to the family as a whole; that I'd never do anything for it like they did. He'd call me weak, he'd call me a coward...he would criticize me for staying inside and then tell me that I was making myself an easy target when I would go out. These remarks would get woven into almost every conversation we shared together, and it came up so much that I just got used to it," she paused, softly laughing to herself before continuing, "as terrible as it sounds, it was nice when he went off to war...because then I only had Clay to deal with, and he had other things going on, so letting me know my place in the family wasn't high up on his list."

"But then Garrett came back..." Tommy filled in the next part of her story when she took a moment to collect herself.

"He did. He came back even worse than he was before. His actions and ideas escalated, to the point where I had to run away," she took a shaky breath as her mind went back to the final days that she'd spent with her family. After a moment spent composing herself, she continued, "he and Clay were trying to make a deal stick...they thought they had the man to where he was going to agree, but he just wouldn't. So Garrett came up with the idea that he'd throw me in the deal as a sweetener, and after persistence from his end, the man bought it. I was to go with this man I'd never met because my brother decided that I was nothing more than a pawn to use in their business endeavors. I made it as far as the man's driveway before he had second thoughts and drove me back...he said he'd work things out on other terms. But Garrett wasn't happy about it. He thought that I was the one who made the man change his mind. He said that he would kill me if the business deal didn't go through in the end, because I would be the only reason why it wouldn’t...I left that night because I didn't want to wait around and see it through."

By the end of her monologue, (Y/N) had noticed that she now had crescent shaped marks in her wrist as a result of how hard she was pressing her fingers into it. She sniffled and reached up to swipe away the tears that were welling up in her eyes before they could escape.

"I'm sorry, I...I didn't mean to unload all of that onto you," she apologized, finally looking at Tommy again.

"Don't apologize. I'm sure doing it helped you," he brushed her off, hoping that his expression was being received as sympathetic. Inside an anger was boiling up with each second that passed. He now had another reason why this man needed to be dealt with before the sun set.

"It did," she nodded, "it's just that now my mum's in his crosshairs because she's still speaking with me, and I won't have her become even more collateral damage from my decisions. That's why I need to be the one who does this...who finally frees us from his grips."

"You're sure of it?" he checked with her once more, still not wanting to push her into something that may be too much...and if he was being honest, he wanted to do it himself now.

"I am," she answered, an assured expression on her face.

"Ok," he nodded upon hearing her answer, "are you ready to go?"

"I am," she repeated her previous response, nodding slightly as she spoke.

Tommy only nodded before he started the engine again, waving his hand out the window to get the attention of his brothers before he maneuvered the car back onto the road. (Y/N) took a deep breath as they began driving again, feeling better after getting things off of her chest. She was still slightly nervous about what was going to be done in a matter of hours, but she felt even more assured that this was the right thing to do.

——

The car was parked down the lane from the pub that Garrett frequented. Tommy had decided that they would walk up so that things wouldn't be even more out of the ordinary. Arthur and John took the other men accompanying them to where they knew Clay would be at this time. They would all make sure that Clay and his associates would stay where they were while things played out.

"You ok?" Tommy asked (Y/N) as they approached the pub.

"I am," she nodded, taking another breath to calm the nerves that were bubbling up.

"And you have what you need?" he checked, referring to the revolver he'd given her before they left Small Heath.

"I do," she answered, her hand subconsciously going to where the weapon was situated in the waistband of her skirt, underneath the flowing part of her blouse.

"Ok," Tommy nodded, stopping and turning to look at her once they were a few steps from the pub's doors. "You can do this," he assured her one last time, his words making her nod, "and I'll be in the corner of the room if things don't go as planned."

(Y/N) nodded one last time and sent him a nervous smile before she turned and walked the few steps separating her from the doors. After another deep breath, she opened them and entered the pub.

The pub was basically empty. There were a few men scattered around the decently-sized room, drinking and minding their business. (Y/N)'s eyes fell on Garrett rather quickly. He was sitting in a stool straight in front of her with his back to the door. She could have easily done the job...just pulled out the gun and taken care of him without even being five steps into the establishment. But she didn't want it to go down like that. She wanted to speak her mind to him first.

So she confidently walked up to the bar, her shoes soundly loudly off the hardwood. She could hear Tommy enter the pub behind her and from the corner of her eye watched as he took a seat at an empty table next to the doors.

Without a word, she stopped at the bar and set her hands down on it. Instead of looking at him, she kept her eyes focused straight ahead. He'd recognize her soon enough.

Within seconds, he did. "It's awful bold of you to set foot in this city after all you've done," there was a smirk apparent in his voice...there always was.

"After all I've done?" (Y/N) countered, making sure that her voice was steady, "I just came to visit mum, Garrett. It was you and Clay who..." her steadiness cracked as she recalled that fateful day. Garrett noticed this and looked to capitalize on it, but she didn't give him the chance as she composed herself and kept speaking, "this is as much my city as it is yours, and you know that," she finished off with a glare.

Garrett chuckled at her comment, unbothered by her steely gaze. "Everyone clear out!" he called to the other patrons in the bar, who promptly heeded to his request. Tommy stayed tucked in the corner, where the darkness of the room hid him. (Y/N) stole a glance in his direction to make sure he was still there. "I need to have a word with my sister," Garrett continued, his grin still present. He waited until the room was clear to speak again, "you know I don't actually know how this is still your city since you bailed on it in the middle of the night," the cockiness was present once more.

"You of all people should know why I did that," she spat back at him, not having the tolerance for him to do this now.

"Why did you even come back here?" he disregarded her statement, "did mummy write you another letter telling you how oh-so terrible things are? Did she want you to come and save her?" he was talking in a mocking voice now.

She actually did, (Y/N) thought, but didn't dare say that.

"Why did you come back here, (Y/N)? Huh?" he continued to prod when she didn't say anything, instead keeping her stone faced gaze on him.

"I came to deal with something I should have a long time ago," she answered him, her words coming through gritted teeth as she tried to keep herself calm. She'd been waiting to do this for a while now, she didn't want to mess it up or jump ahead of herself.

"Oh yeah, what's that?" he asked her, his eyebrows raised. She wasn't sure if he noticed her movement as she slowly pulled her weapon from the waistband of her skirt.

"To make sure that you can't hurt me or anyone else ever again," she told him, keeping her words steady as she brandished the weapon, holding it up for him to see. Wasting no time in pointing it at him, she kept her hands steady and her grip relaxed. She couldn't let him see how she was really feeling.

A grin slowly formed on Garrett's face as he realized what was happening now. He didn't show one ounce of fear or shock at what (Y/N) had done. "You wanna show me how much you've grown now, huh? You go to fucking Birmingham and all of a sudden you think you know how to handle a fucking weapon?!" he started screaming at her, inching closer to her as he spoke, making her shrink into herself slightly. She held the gun steady though. "Fucking show me then! Use it on me!" he taunted, moving even closer to her.

(Y/N) gritted her teeth and kept her hold. No matter how much screaming she was doing inside of her mind now, she couldn't get herself to pull the trigger. She was frozen in her spot as all of the memories of the times he'd taken this similar tone with her flooded back again.

In a flash, Garrett grabbed the gun out of her hand, managing to do so before she could even react to him. She gasped at the feeling of the weapon, and the power, leaving her hands and tried so hard to maintain her composure as he flipped the barrel around to face her, grinning like a maniac now.

"See...you don't know how to do a fucking thing. You're still the same, pathetic coward that ran away. Still scared to do anything..." he trailed off, pulling the hammer of the gun back as he kept it pointed at her. His grin grew as he stared her down. "What am I to do now? How could I possibly let you walk away from this, huh?" his final word was accentuated by the sound of the gun clicking, which made (Y/N) flinch and squeeze her eyes shut.

What brought her back was the sound of his laughter. She opened her eyes to see him opening the chamber and spinning it, seeing the bullets that were loaded into it - in all but one of the slots. He then shut it and spun it once more, eyeing her up and down as he chuckled again. "Next time you plan on killin' a person, you best remember to load your gun properly, you fuckin'..."

A loud bang sounded out in the room, stopping Garrett mid sentence. (Y/N) dropped to the floor at the sound of it, covering her head as a last ditch effort as a ringing sound took over all of her senses.

"(Y/N)!" the voice was muffled, the ringing still taking center stage. "(Y/N)!" it called again.

She didn't know how long it was before she opened her eyes again. After blinking a few times, she found Tommy kneeling in front of her. She also felt a presence to her left, but she dared not to look in that direction; knowing exactly what, or rather who, it was.

"Are you ok?" he asked her, his voice more clear now. Concern was deeply etched into his features.

"I...I think I am," she stumbled over her words, nodding slightly.

"Let's get you up then, eh?" he suggested, making her nod again as she took hold of his outstretched hand and allowed him to slowly pull her to her feet. "Are you sure?" he asked her, his eyes locked onto hers as he tried to search them; to see if he could gain any underlying clues.

"Yes," she breathed, nodding again, "is he...?" she couldn't even finish her sentence without choking up.

Tommy knew exactly what she was getting at though. "He's dead."

(Y/N) nodded at this new information. "Good," she breathed, giving another slight nod. She took a few deep breaths before someone popped into her mind. "I need to go see my mum," she said then, just barely getting the words out before she stepped past Tommy and headed for the door.

If Tommy called out for her, she didn't hear him. She exited the pub and allowed her feet to take her down the streets without much thought. She needed to see her mum, and she needed to see her now.

Next Part

Tagged: @mgcldydrms @the-anxious-youth @cloudofdisney @look-at-the-soul @elenavampire21 @mrsalwayswrite @julkaamazing @evita-shelby @lilyrachelcassidy @notyour-valentine @shelbydelrey @december16-1991 @onlydeadcells @peakyswritings @just-a-blackhole @watercolorskyy @strayrockette @peakyduchesss @alexxavicry @captivatedbycillianmurphy @yummycastiel @dark-academia-slut @tommystargirl @stevie75 @lyarr24 @signorellisantichrist @zablife @anotherblinder @midnightmagpiemama @cillmequick @l1-l4 @chlorrox @lostgirl219 @woofgocows @bdudette @mrkdvidal1989 @stephhevring @fictional-hooman @httyd-marauders @nataliewalker93 @rangerelik @thecraziestcrayon @cilliansangel @shaddixlife @tracysnook

SERIES MASTERLIST

#tommy shelby #tommy shelby x reader #tommy shelby x y/n #tommy shelby imagine #tommy shelby series #tommy shelby fanfic #tommy shelby fanfiction #peaky blinders #peaky blinders x reader #peaky blinders x y/n #peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders series #peaky blinders fanfic #peaky blinders fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic

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innerchorus · 8 months ago

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Arslan Senki Chapter 129 (Part 1)

Okay, I had a fun time reading this one, despite the face off between Team Arslan and Team Hilmes it felt way lower stakes than the encounter with Zahhak so I was able to relax in the (correct) assumption that nobody was about to die just yet.

Early moment of appreciation for the attention to detail in Arakawa's storytelling. Yes, corvids cawing like this is frequently used as a sign of something ominous (and it certainly feels that way as another panel shows them atop this tower with Hilmes stood below) but I love that they have a reason for doing so in that they've spotted a hawk (Azrael!) circling above and are giving the alarm.

Sam's chin has gone full rectangle.

This is his reaction upon hearing how Team Arslan got in (yes, through the very waterways he'd been defending, Hilmes should've listened to Zandeh, but Hilmes hasn't been in the mood for listening to his followers as of late, has he?)

HILMES NO.

This is him trying to recover the situation, I guess.

Anyway no doubt you guys recognise Daryun's helmet on the left there, and he's about to jump in but Arslan holds him back in order to handle matters himself. He's the opposite of Hilmes throughout, calm and composed where Hilmes is shaken and erratic. The contrast is important and becomes starker as the scene goes on.

I feel bad but I laughed at Hilmes's expressions so many times this chapter, but I think it's only because I was feeling confident that no real harm will come to him? He really is having the worst day. Asking Arslan what legitimacy he has was a mistake because Arslan brandishes none other than Rukhnabad.

And thanks to Hilmes's tomb robbing adventure, the majority of the soldiers present recognise it, as does Zandeh (boy is shocked, he thought that thing was gone for good!)

I'm not sure Zandeh's had time to process any of this fully, but he saw what happened when Hilmes tried to take the blade at Mount Damavand. For Arslan to turn up with the blade and claim it's Kaykhusraw's will... No wonder he looks so shocked. It really does pose a challenge to Hilmes's claim.

Hilmes begins an attempt to defend his position by starting to reveal the truth about Arslan's parentage, when...

He falters, and misreads Arslan's composure as a sign that Arslan knows Hilmes's own secret.

Man, I fucking love this. Hilmes, who couldn't bear to share the burden of that secret with even his most loyal followers, cannot comprehend that Arslan has done just that. Arslan's calm demeanour comes from having done so; he has found his resolve with the truth out in the open, and it's part of what enables him to confront Hilmes like this.

Arslan addressing Hilmes as 'cousin' and then being all 'wait, that's not right' all but confirms to Hilmes that his suspicions are correct, but in truth Arslan is correcting himself because he already knows that he is not Andragoras's son. What Hilmes was threatening to reveal holds no power over Arslan, yet the effect that fearing his secret is out has on Hilmes is clear, and it makes him desperate.

Zandeh being all ??? when if Hilmes had just told him he could've had the reassurance that Zandeh would continue to support him no matter what 😭

Anyway, both Narsus and Arslan notice how unsettled Hilmes is, though they don't know why nobody cares about your fucking secret except you, Hilmes. And because Hilmes is so rattled, he calls for Arslan to fight him. Honestly, it's not a bad choice and even if he weren't so flustered about what Arslan may or may not know he likely would have done so, but his mental state going into it is already working against him.

Him ordering Arslan to face him with Rukhnabad is also not a bad shout. I imagine he's both hedging his bets and hoping that Arslan doesn't really have Kaykhusraw's favour, and assuming his odds against Arslan when it comes to a duel are good in any case.

The Rukhnabad twist I didn't predict! And just wait for the full reveal! But first I want to remind you of this moment from Chapter 93 where Hilmes speaks with the Master after having failed to retrieve the sword for himself:

Arslan's words can only remind him of his own failure.

He's definitely on the back foot here now; Arslan not only has Rukhnabad in his possession, but he's also bold enough to claim he will defeat Hilmes without it.

Now, if you had said to me that Arslan will face Hilmes without Rukhnabad and actually stand a chance of winning, I would have dismissed it as unbelievable. But that's where Arakawa's careful attention to Hilmes's inner fears has come into play, and combined with Arslan's (accidental) further shaking of his confidence and (deliberate) provocation by saying he's not worthy of using Rukhnabad on... How well will he fight? Combat begins before swords are even drawn, it seems.

Also ARSLAN STILL CANNOT DRAW RUKHNABAD JSHDFJSDHGG wow, honestly did not see that coming, what a bluff that was—

Presumably that means we will see him gain the ability to draw the sword when it comes to a fight against Zahhak? Or maybe there will be time for him to visit Kaykhusraw's tomb before then (since it seems less likely it's already happened)?

Narsus declaring that it's Hilmes's decree that this duel will decide who will be Shah is a smart move, too. There are those with personal grudges and those who may seek to object, but with the decision framed this way, they cannot. Alfarid knows too much is at stake. Sam can't go against Hilmes's own word.

Now here's a match where I feel we all already know what the outcome will be. ZANDEH PLEASE. I don't want you to get hurt.

I do appreciate Daryun still responding to him with tired exhasperation, though. It's like 'really, we're still doing this?'. And I'm just clinging on to the fact that it's clear he wouldn't hold a grudge if Zandeh just fucked off somewhere other than Pars like to Maryam with Hilmes.

I'm just relying on Zandeh to agree to let it drop in the end. If Hilmes does, Zandeh would too, I think.

Anyway, while I don't think he'll be able to beat Daryun, this is the first time he's facing him with a mace, a weapon he has acknowledged is better suited to his strength, so maybe he won't do as badly as I feared?

That's it for Part 1! Stay tuned for Part 2!

#arslan senki #the heroic legend of arslan #arslan #hilmes #zandeh #narsus #rukhnabad

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mydisenchantedeulogy · 1 year ago

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Candy Coated [Chapter Nine] Shining Confidence [Buddha]

A/n: I want to draw these fights out a bit to avoid catching up to the source material which will eventually happen, but that's the plan. The picture above was drawn by the talented Somanoko from AO3.

Warning(s): confidence, teasing, minor blood, Buddha is up to something, support, Gods and Goddesses, female reader (though I've yet to state pronouns).

Tag list: @useless-potatho , @tojibreedingme , @quinloki , @yingxian, @2lottie2, @lunas-nova , @anduinandwrathionlover, @tiredfairy, @the-queen-of-sorrows , @alientee, @lawlietliet, @hanaibea, @69your-best-night-mare69 , @bradshawwannebe

"I'm ready to go," you announce with a confident smile.

As soon as the sun rose, you got ready; showering and dressing in the outfit that Buddha had given you. Breakfast had been a bit lonely, considering the fact you ate alone, but once you were refreshed, you hurried to the main hall to meet with Buddha.

He, like the moment you first met him, was in his chair. And after your statement, he smiled.

"You look confident."

You nod in agreement.

"I am confident…or at least I am trying to be."

Buddha hums and saunters down from his chair.

"That's the way to be." He skims you over and grins. "Looks good on you."

An embarrassed heat spreads across your face. You aren't sure if he means the outfit or the confidence but you will take the compliment.

"You're sweet."

"Am I?" He asks with a raised brow.

You know he's teasing you, so you ignore the question.

"When do we leave?"

"As soon as Brother Jataka gets here," Buddha answers. "He wanted to take a short walk before we left."

You hum in response. It's not a bad idea. Though you wonder how he feels about this? You don't want to leave the realm either. Taking a deep breath you remind yourself of your confidence. It's best not to dwell on what-ifs anymore.

The sound of quiet footsteps brings your attention to Jataka as he saunters into the room. You offer him a smile, which he offers back.

"Did you enjoy your walk?"

"I did," he retorts. "And now I am ready to go."

Turning his eyes to Buddha, he hums in question.

"No sweets or junk food?"

You are honestly a little surprised that he isn't taking any with him too. Buddha merely grins, sauntering over to his chair to retrieve his staff.

"I don't need to take any."

You raise a curious brow. That's a bit unlike him. Before you can question it, however, he rests his hand on your back; Jataka sets his hand on Buddha's shoulder and the staff activates.

When the scrolls disappear back into the staff, you note that you are in the Observation Room that Brunhilde had shown you before you met Buddha. It feels as though you've come full circle.

The faint glow of the flatscreen catches your attention and you sigh, viewing the Earth again, but there's something different about it. The images of twelve people are spread across it, one of which you recognize.

Kintoki?

Could this be the Einherjar he had mentioned?

The sound of rushed footsteps breaks your focus on the flatscreen, as Brunhilde and Göll pace into the room. The former sighs in annoyance.

"I told you to arrive near the arena with the others, Buddha."

The said man grins.

"I must have over-calculated."

"I doubt that," Brunhilde retorts.

Buddha laughs in response. Does he want to see the Einherjar for himself? You can understand Brunhilde's annoyance.

"Should we not go to the arena for the tournament?" You ask Buddha. It's best not to demand him to leave; it's obvious he does what he wants.

"There is a waiting room for you on the God's side, Buddha-sama," Brunhilde mentions. "It should have all of the accommodations that will make your wait enjoyable."

Buddha hums.

"My wait, huh? Are you insinuating something, Bu-chan?"

"Me? Never," the woman retorts with a confused look.

Something about this is odd. You glance between the two unsure of what is going on.

"But humans aren't allowed on the God's side," Göll states.

"We will make an exception given the tether," Brunhilde mentions. Her green eyes turn to Jataka. "I'm afraid that is as far as I can extend my gratitude."

Jataka smiles.

"It is no issue. I will watch the tournament from Humanity's side."

"Which is starting soon," Göll claims in a slight panic.

Brunhilde sighs.

"I trust that you can find your waiting room on your own, right, Buddha-sama?"

The said man grins and though he seems reluctant to listen, he leaves the Observation Room. You join him in the hall, standing beside him as Jataka says his farewells.

"Do try to behave," he mentions.

Buddha laughs in response.

You know better than to assume he will, but it's nice of him to worry. The three of you part ways; you walk beside Buddha down the hall toward the God's side of the arena.

"Are we going to your waiting room?" You ask.

"Once we see the opening of the first round," Buddha answers.

You hum, a bit curious as to who the two sides will start the tournament with. You reckon the Gods will want to make a statement, so they will most likely send out someone strong.

Thanatos…or perhaps Zeus himself.

You have to admit, it's a bit exciting.

On the stairs overlooking the arena, you take note of the thousands of spectators, Gods, and humans alike. It's nerve-wracking but you had expected as much. This is a significant event.

"The chatter is a bit loud," you admit.

Buddha hums.

"The who's who of Gods and Humans is here." He pauses a moment and points straight into the air. "And right above us is the VIP box. I bet the old man is up there giggling under his breath because he thinks this is going to be easy."

"That's an amusing image," you admit with a grin.

The God beside you laughs.

"Not as amusing as the look on his face when he tried those jelly beans."

You raise a curious brow as he hunches over and positions his arms behind his back. His eyes grow wide and he makes a series of overdramatic gags that make you snort in laughter.

"That tastes horrible. Like moldy cheese and barf. You youngsters and your weird candies. I will have to pass," Buddha states, mocking Zeus the best he can.

"That was a terrible joke…but he certainly deserved it," you admit. "I wish I could have seen it."

This would have to do. If only the other Gods and Goddesses had been included.

"I was merely sharing your gift," Buddha claims.

He would be the type to kill them with kindness; a gesture of friendliness that had turned sour because he was a bit biased.

This means he left the good ones in the box for our next game.

You smile, happy to have spent time with him. At least for a short while.

A piercing sound similar to a microphone echoes around the arena as a short God with a robot-like face walks onto the field. He lifts a golden megaphone to his mouth and clears his throat.

"This is the moment that I've been waiting for ages! The moment to blow this Gjallarhorn!" The God states in excitement. "The time to open the curtain of the Ragnarok is drawing near! Are you rrready for this?!"

A chorus of cheers erupts from the crowd, making you tighten your jaw. Covering one ear you turn your eyes to Buddha, leaning close to him.

"That's Heimdall, isn't it? He certainly knows how to work the crowd."

The said man pouts.

"Do I not look like my textbook counterpart?"

"Not exactly," you admit with a snort. "But neither does he. His horn though is notable; that's how I knew."

Buddha hums and averts his eyes to the arena. You follow suit, missing the rules, though you are certain it's pretty clear how this works.

"The first bout," Heimdall announces as he directs the crowd to a doorway beneath your feet. "Introducing the vanguard from the God's side! This man! Everyone knows of this God. Everybody wants to see his maximum poweeer! His Mjölnir can even–"

Your eyes widen in shock. No way! From the platform leading to the arena walks an extremely tall and muscular man with long red hair. The hammer he's carrying is massive, even bigger than his body. Before Heimdall even announces his name, you utter it in awe.

He's intimidating.

For some reason, you had expected his movie counterpart to walk out, spinning his hammer in the air. The thought makes you grin.

The Gods made a good move.

"And then his challenger!" Heimdall shouts. "The vanguard from Mankind's side…is this man!"

The sound of a gong permeates the air, followed by the bang of drums and the swish of symbols as hundreds of armored men surround the opposite doorway. Their chants of 'no' as Heimdall questions their will and power bring goosebumps to your skin.

Then from the gate springs a beautiful black horse and upon it is a figure bound in blood-red bandages. As the horse approaches the arena, the bandages begin to rip, uncovering a muscular tattooed man with long dark hair.

Your eyes widen in response. He's more intimidating than Thor.

"The most powerful of all Chinese heroes! Lü Bu!" Heimdall introduces him as.

Lü Bu? There isn't much you know about him, but you have heard of him. Based on the aura he's radiating and his appearance, you feel as though he's a good match for the God's heavy hitter.

A warm hand on your shoulder turns your attention to Buddha, who motions for you to follow him. You do, a bit reluctant to leave the arena, however, you do want to watch the match from the comfort of the waiting room, at least until you want to.

In the bowels of the arena, minutes later, a piercing nose like the sound of a horn permeates the air. You glance at Buddha in question and he hums.

"Sounds like the match has begun."

You take an uneasy breath, merely nodding. It's fine. You trust that Brunhilde knows what she is doing. Focusing on Buddha, as he once mentioned, you continue down the hall to the waiting rooms, finding a door with an ornate lotus on it. You've always found it impressive the length the Valkyries go to make the Gods feel comfortable. It's a bit strange that Buddha has a waiting room, but you dismiss the thought and walk into the room.

The ambiance is ideal. It's laid back and painted in shades of blue and green. A large bed sits on the far side of the room and instead of a couch, there is a swing chair with a plush cushion situated in the middle. It's gorgeous.

"They spared no expenses," you utter.

Buddha hums. Sauntering over to a side table near the bed, he takes a lollipop from a lotus-shaped bowl and pops it eagerly into his mouth.

"Bu-chan is trying her best to butter me up, isn't she?"

You raise a brow. What for?

"I think it suits you."

Buddha grins. Also from the table, he picks up what appears to be a tablet and shows it to you.

"So we can watch the matches."

You hum in understanding and close the gap to take it, turning the device on. The first scene that pops up makes you widen your eyes in shock. Thor is wearing some sort of black gloves as he weirdly positions his body, almost like he's trying to rest his back on the ground while standing up.

"What are these gloves?"

You realize the tablet has a rewind option, so you take it back to see Thor materialize them once he and Lü Bu clash. A small bubble pops up on the screen with an icon of the gloves on them, so you tap it.

"Járngreipr," you read. A list of facts appears on the side of the screen. "These gloves are rumored to be able to withstand any attack. Worn by Thor to protect his hands from the heat of Mjölnir, though this is a misunderstanding."

Your brow rises. A misunderstanding? You have no idea what this means.

"It seems like he's already taking this seriously," Buddha remarks.

"Because of the stance?" You ask.

Buddha agrees with a nod. So, he's preparing to attack. Another fact pops up moments later, stating that Thor wiped out 66 Jotun with this attack during the Asgard-Jotun battle in ancient times. You feel doubt creep up your spine but a comforting hand on your lower back soothes it away, at least for the moment.

Can Lü Bu withstand this much power? In horror you watch electricity fill the arena, emanating from the hammer. And with a single strike, the image on the screen is shrouded in blinding light. You groan and avert your eyes, turning them back quickly once it's over. Another fact pops up on the screen, making you widen your eyes.

Thor's Hammer, an instant kill technique.

There's no way that it's over. What hope does–

"Breath," Buddha orders. He helps you to sit down on the bed. "It's not over."

To your shock, once the arena clears, you witness Lü Bu standing unharmed with his spear aimed down. What surprises you more is that Thor is bleeding from a cut to the chest. He did it. He managed to cut a God.

You shout in triumph and toss your arms around Buddha. The God laughs in response, holding you there against him. The feel of his muscles brings heat to your face and a pleasant tingle to your stomach.

"There is that confidence."

You grin. It's too early to tell who will win the match, but you are certain now your kind has a chance. The hold you have around Buddha tightens. There is no point in wasting this. It's best if you just relax and take pleasure in the moment.

And watch the match too, I suppose.

#record of ragnorak fanfic #buddha (ror)#record of ragnorak fandom #buddha x reader #female reader insert #shuumatsu no valkyrie #soulmate au

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an-annyeoing-writer · 1 year ago

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bloodline. - ch. 2/5: anathema.

Story info:

Pair: Byun Baekhyun x Reader

Rating: +16 for mentions of violence, death, chronic illness, kidnapping

Genre: mafia!AU, angst, action

Chapter info:

Release date: 21st October 2023

Word count: 4 402

Warnings: mentions of death & violence

Bloodline Masterlist || Fanfiction Masterlist

Previous Chapter

There were different ways in which this situation could possibly end. During the hours spent traveling through the forest, Baekhyun was certain he thought over the most possible ones.

It didn’t mean, however, that he could find solutions to those that weren’t too optimistic. If the weather got any worse and they lost all their strengths, he maybe could have called someone, but what if that someone betrayed him? With what happened that day, he didn’t feel like he had anyone left to trust. Should he kill the person he was traveling with to provide himself with their warmth and clothes? Or should he be the one to, like a gentleman, die to give them the opportunity to find safety? From the objective point of view, he realized, he was more likely to survive in the weather, with his body obviously stronger.

Yet, he didn’t find himself able to make the choice anyway. He was fully aware that neither him, or you, would be able to kill the other person, and neither would he be able to end his own life.

And so he spent the hours pondering on different scenarios, growing aware, however, that his influence on the outcome of your situation was marginal.

With all of the above considered, your family being the ones to find the two of you first did not surprise him. With the tragedy that fell upon his own, he doubted anyone would be looking for him this soon. The one that attacked them, on the other hand, probably wouldn’t assume that he managed to escape the burning building, for as long as they didn’t rummage through it to see who was left inside, which would require the fire to be put out first.

In the meantime, your family must have been currently in pursuit anyway.

And he knew, he very well knew, what it meant, when the door of the black car opened and your father stepped out, a man whom he hated with his whole existence, far more than he ever hated you, even despite your origins.

If only he was in a better state, he would risk running for it; the forest was thick, the snow was everywhere. But he was too tired, too exhausted, freezing. The longer he thought about it, the more he realized how useless would that be; he could be tracked so easily in the snow, and the sun was shining so bright that he wouldn’t be able to hide. His only hope would be that your family wouldn’t care enough and just leave him there, and then maybe, just maybe, he would find a way to the town, and survive.

But, with the events prior, with how his family put a hand on your bloodline, he had no doubt that letting him go would require a special kind of mercy that your father was not known for.

Maybe, just maybe, if he had any kind of weapon, he would take you hostage, put you in between him and your father and trade his life for yours. He felt so awfully weak and helpless though, and when you walked toward your family, finally finding your safety, he knew he’s left alone.

Yet, he hid the emotions behind a mask of indifference, glaring straight into your father’s eyes as if it didn’t bother him at all, and as if the nearest moments wouldn’t decide his fate.

He didn’t have the guts to look after you when you disappeared behind your brother. It was only when you were far away, that your father nodded at the driver, and the man disappeared in the car for a few seconds.

“Your family has finally gotten what they deserved for their unloyalty, or so I’ve heard” he spoke. The driver came out of the car, handing your father a black, polished handgun. Baekhyun refused to respond. “It was about the time you bow to those who you depend on.” His voice was ridden off emotions, tearing through remains of Baekhyun’s confidence. “I said, bow.”

With a movement lacking an ounce of hesitation, the man raised his hand and shot.

Pain shook Baekhyun’s body, originating in his ankle. The boy all but whimpered, falling to his knees. He didn’t want to pretend he had any strength left. The pain, although almost paralyzing, didn’t matter anymore; his body was too numb. He breathed heavily.

He saw the man lift the gun again, aware that the short conversation was already over.

But that was when he noticed you, pushing the door of the car open, in the corner of his vision.

That’s nice, he thought. You found it in himself to try and save him, after all that happened. But it didn’t matter, your father would not change his mind.

His thoughts started to slip away when another gunshot tore through the air. He thought for a second, was he dead? How come he didn’t feel it? Why did he not feel anything at all?

He heard a scream. And it was a masculine voice, yet, not his own…

He looked up. His eyes widened.

Your father was leaning against the car, fingers pressed into his bleeding arm. The gun fell out of his grasp and now laid discarded on the road. And to the side, stood yourself… with a gun as well. Your brother was already behind you, shock displayed on his face as much as on yours.

Did you… really? In any other circumstances, he would have laughed.

“Holy shit” your brother gawked, but only for a moment. He registered you freeze in shock for a few moments, and carefully pulled the gun out of your poor hands, noting they were starting to tremble, and then quickly hid the thing in the holster by his own belt. Your father’s loud cursing ripped through the air, making you flinch. You clenched your fists, forcing yourself to stay put.

And then ran.

To Baekhyun.

“Get up, quickly” you commanded weakly, your body shaking so much Baekhyun silently wondered how could you make a step without tripping over.

You helped him to his feet and then started pulling him toward your brother’s car. He didn’t say a word, still almost as shocked as you were, the thought of refusing the wordless offer not even crossing his mind.

Your father’s driver stared at the scene helplessly. Maybe you’d find it in yourself to be sorry for him, suspecting that your father will put part of the blame on the poor man, but it was the least of your worries at the moment. The truth was, he had no power to stop you even if he tried.

Besides, your brother already managed to get Baekhyun in the backseats.

The man fall onto the cushioned surface with a heavy thud. Chanyeol started the car, pulling you by your sleeve to stop you from staring behind and get in.

Tires screeched.

Still a bit stunned when he revved up the engine, the realization slowly sunk in. Increasing speed mirrored Chanyeol’s immense need to leave the entire scene far behind. He was only starting to grow aware that it could certainly not erase the eventual consequences of what just occurred.

In the backseats, Baekhyun laid almost motionlessly, eyes fixated on the silhouettes of people he not so long ago considered his sworn enemies.

“What the hell did you just do” he finally muttered, although not as firmly as he would like to. The warmth seeped through his body along with pain of his limbs un-freezing. His vision blurred.

“I… I don’t know” you admitted. You sounded as if you were crying, but your worn out body refused to shed tears. You managed to retrieve the first aid kit from underneath the seat, and tried to shakily wrap a band around his injured leg. “I-I panicked…”

“He’ll be fine” Chanyeol spoke, looking at the two in the mirror. “He honestly deserved it. Really. But he’ll be okay.”

“What do we do now…”

“I’ll get us somewhere safe until this all calms down.” Baekhyun could tell, he was forcing himself to stay strong for his dear sister. He somehow wished that he could be this strong, too.

“Chanyeol, I’m sorry, I dragged you into this…”

“Don’t apologize. I will keep you safe.”

They seemed to keep talking, but Baekhyun couldn’t care less. The warmth surrounding him was comforting, and he didn’t feel much pain anymore. Although the sensation of peace had to be short-living, he decided the best he can do is let himself succumb to it for the time being.

Besides, he didn’t remember the last time he felt this safe, as when your tender, cold fingers catered to his wound. He briefly thought that he could just stay like this.

⁂

“Did you know what dad did?”

Your voice was rather quiet as you sat in the front seat, next to your brother who drove the car. There was a blanket wrapped around you, but you couldn’t fall asleep, glancing at the silhouette resting motionlessly in the backseat. Although you managed to get his temperature right and the bleeding wasn’t serious, you just worried. But his breath was steady and his face was calm whenever you looked back.

Chanyeol glanced at you. His brows furrowed in concern at your own state.

“Yeah. I found out when you were taken. That’s why… I wasn’t that surprised when you stood for this Byun. I had a feeling you’d also find out one way or another.” He let out a deep sigh. “I was worried for you, really, but being on his side feels just… disgusting. I don’t know, it’s our dad, but it just doesn’t feel like it.”

“Did it ever feel like it?” you muttered, bringing your knees to your chest and wrapping yourself tighter with the blanket. Maybe you were overthinking – maybe you were just looking for excuses, as if it was obvious for years that he was not the father you deserved. Anything to make it easier to justify what you’ve done. “What do we do now, Chanyeol? I just shot our dad. To save someone he wanted dead. He came all this way to save me and I shot him. My dad.” Your hands shook as you buried face in your knees, realizing that tears finally started running freely down your cheeks, and, after all you went through, the emotions simply took over.

“You hurt him to save someone’s life” Chanyeol corrected calmly. “You didn’t do anything irreparable, but he tried to. And he’s the one who made all of this happen. He’s the reason you were kidnapped. Looking for you was the least he should have done anyway” he huffed. His words sounded sensible even to you, and you felt that if you don’t believe him, you’ll lose your mind. “How did it happen, though? I’ve heard what happened at the Byuns, but actually, why did you go with him?”

You shrugged, but memories of the last evening, so irrelevant from where you were now, came back to you.

“I was locked in the mansion when the fire broke out… He got me out to run away.” You pondered on it for a few moments. “He… saved my life. He didn’t have to, it wasn’t even his responsibility. He could have gone to help other people, too, there for sure have been people to help, and his family was there… But he saved my life.” You sniffled.

“See? So you did the right thing by saving his.” Chanyeol reached his hand and ruffled your hair comfortingly.

“Chanyeol, what will we do now…”

He let out a sigh.

“I know some people” he announced calmly. “I hope you realize we’ll need to hide for some time if we don’t want this guy tracked. Best to stay away until it all calms down, anyway.” You nodded with understanding. “So, I have a spare car, since this one is probably easily trackable. And I have friends who will help us hide and take care of the guy. So, just trust me.”

That all sounded reasonable, but you frowned at his explanations, threads just not matching in your mind.

“Why do you have a spare car? And who are those… friends?”

Chanyeol glanced at you, raising his eyebrows as if the answer was obvious.

“You’re not the only one who’s trying to escape this farce.”

⁂

You didn’t know how long you spent in the shower of a small apartment in the most rusty area you’ve ever seen. You were certain half of the buildings should have been demolished long years ago, and you would attract more attention by arriving here with the expensive, black car your brother owned, than you ended up doing by carrying a man with shot ankle. Fortunately, your brother’s “new” car was covered in more rust than actual paint.

Your body finally managed to warm up, but fatigue was taking over and you barely found it in yourself to get out from underneath the hot stream, drying yourself with a towel you were given and putting on some sweatpants and a big flannel shirt that belonged to the apartment’s owner. The clothes were cozy and dry, and that’s all you needed them to be.

You walked into the living room, sitting nearby the man who was carefully tending to Baekhyun’s wound. You found out his name was Yixing, and he was Chanyeol’s old friend. As for a medic, his apartment wasn’t too fancy, although certainly clean and well-organized. You suspected he may have been an illegal immigrant, and you wouldn’t be surprised if the case was similar for many other inhabitants of the suspicious district.

“Will he be okay?” you asked unsurely. Baekhyun’s eyes were half-open, and he seemed to be conscious again, but certainly in no shape to answer or join the conversation. Chanyeol took off most of his wet clothes, and the man still shivered slightly, even despite blankets wrapped around him and a heating pad at his feet.

Yixing glanced at you.

“Surprisingly, yes” he announced calmly. “This” he pointed at the injury “is nothing big. The frostbite would be a bigger problem, but it miraculously doesn’t seem like he’ll be losing toes anytime soon. Lucky of him. But it will take some time before he can walk. For both reasons.”

You nodded, relieved. You closed your eyes for just a brief second and it somehow led to almost falling off the stool. Yixing eyed you cautiously with a small, polite smile appearing when you looked back.

“You should rest. I’ll need to check on you, too, but it needs to wait. My bedroom is on the left. Sorry, I didn’t have the time to change the bedsheets, but feel free to sleep there. Don’t worry about anything. He’s in good hands.”

You couldn’t express the gratitude you were feeling at the moment. No matter how suspicious this area felt, you were already certain that Yixing was a real angel living there. You thought of all the things you would do to return the kindness, but your mind started dozing off, and as soon as you arrived in the small bedroom and laid down on the bed, wrapping the duvet around yourself, everything became irrelevant and the comforting darkness swallowed you fully.

⁂

Chanyeol stood in the grocery store, in front of the rice aisle, staring at the boxes in front of him with thoughtful consideration, whether “premium rice” was any better than “rice”, considering that they both costed almost the same. He felt like a child; all his life, there was always someone to do grocery for him, to cook for him, and at some point he discovered that he never really considered how those simple daily tasks are relevant to survival.

He stared at the grocery list, written messily by Yixing and left for him to tend to. But how could he know which type of rice will be good? He knew of different types of it, obviously, but the list literally just said “rice”. With time, it got to him how much about real life he will have to learn if he decides to leave the comfort of his house and wealth.

He left the store with a huge stack of everything that he thought Yixing could need, either now or in the future, trying as well as he could to return the favor that his friend was doing for him and others right now.

The snow was falling in thick clusters, and wind had picked up, the weather becoming way worse than the day before, and he could only imagine how bad would it be, was his sister and their new acquaintance to stay in it for hours. In the old, rusty car, the heating somehow worked, but it took quite a while to warm up the space around him as he sat behind the wheel. His black car, now left behind for anyone to find, had the ability to warm up almost instantly.

He was about to start driving, when his phone rung and he glanced at the device, considering for a short moment, whether it’s something he should answer. But he put the phone by his ear.

“Chanyeol? Are you okay?!”

“…Mom.”

His voice broke when the caller’s identity became known. He felt his hands tremble when he turned the car’s engine back off.

“Are you and [F/n] okay? I’ve heard Byuns took you two hostage…!”

Chanyeol furrowed his eyebrows.

“Who told you that?”

“Your father, obviously…”

The woman’s voice was clearly tense, but he had an impression that more than an expression of care about your wellbeing, she demanded explanations. He needed to admit that both of your parents were quite similar in their nature; business like theirs couldn’t leave people unimpacted, and at this point, he learned not to expect too much.

“It’s not true. I shot him” Chanyeol announced, as if it was the most obvious thing. It was almost not a lie; he was the one who gave you his own gun. Upon your request, of course, but it was his choice to help you.

“You didn’t” she stated sternly. The man kept quiet for a few moments, taken aback by the answer. “The kid of Byuns’ took your gun, overpowered you and your sister. Everybody knows that.”

Her voice pressured him, and he finally got the hint; all sins could be forgiven, it said. No one needed to know what happened. Her children wouldn’t put a stain on her family’s name. That’s what it meant.

“No” he finally spoke and his voice broke once again. “That’s not what happened. What happened, is that our father tried to kill someone innocent just because that person belonged to the family he doesn’t get along with. And we just couldn’t look at it.” He felt his anger grow and he dug his fingers into the car’s steering wheel. “The truth is, he’s a ruthless murderer who doesn’t care about his family, and only about his image. And that your bloodline will die off, because you will be all left alone” he snarled.

There was a silence on the other side for quite a while, and neither of them decided to soothe it. His mother’s breath was calmer than he expected it to be. His own breaths came out ragged, yet not even an ounce of him wanted to take his words back.

“Are you certain of what you just said, Park Chanyeol?”

The weight of the situation fell onto him, but there was still nothing that would convince him otherwise; maybe just fear, crawling in him, the fear of being the one left alone in the end, of losing what he got so used to in his life. The wealth, the opportunities, the endless security that his family could provide – there would none of these be left for him. Or for you.

“I’ve never been more certain” he confirmed, his voice finally calm.

“Then don’t call yourself a Park anymore. From now on, you’re on your own. From now on, none of us will help you, care for you, shield you, because you’re not the heir of Parks. Go and live the life you chose. Wish you all the best.”

The line went dead.

He sat in his car, observing the snow fall down and gather on the hood. It would melt easily as the car was still heated up, but Chanyeol felt the stillness surround him, as if he would just bury himself in the snowflakes if given enough time.

But the stillness couldn’t last forever; not yet, not now. He still held the phone in his hand and he knew he needs to act. It was just a matter of time before his family-owned bank account would be suspended. He would be a fool if he didn’t expect that to eventually happen, so he spent the last years gradually transferring money to another account that he owned without his parents’ knowledge. Never too high amounts, knowing that there were no questions he could answer.

Now was the time to see if his efforts paid off.

There was one thing that pumped his adrenaline high, bringing him back to life after the fears and terrors of the past days. Because for the first time in his life, he felt like he was in charge of what was happening; no longer a puppet to his family’s politics, but someone who planned ahead further than his relatives did, and therefore, capable of adjusting to the situation at hand before they could make their steps known.

So, for all he had, with the banking app in his phone, he transferred all that he could without exceeding the imposed limits. That should be enough, right? He could go on with his life. His pride told him, that maybe using his parents’ money after what he’d done was not the right thing to do. But then, he realized, they had no remorse before using his whole life, his emotions, for their business. So maybe there was nothing wrong in taking what they owed him.

And, he promised himself, it would not be the last thing he would take.

Sending a single message with his phone, he turned it off, took out the battery and opened the car’s window, launching the device into the nearby trashcan.

He may have not had anything to do with his family now, but it didn’t mean he had no interests left with them. He had no doubts that the phone could be tracked, and he couldn’t have that.

He arrived back at Yixing’s flat about twenty minutes later, with his arms full of heavy bags and a wide, excited smile on his face that he just couldn’t wipe off.

Yixing was in the kitchen cooking, and his eyes widened at the sight.

“Oh, that’s… more than I asked” he muttered shyly.

“Don’t mind it” Chanyeol shrugged. “I’m trying to repay you for all… that. And, besides, I’ll need to ask you to let us stay over for a few days. I already messaged Junmyeon, but I had to throw out my phone, so he’ll probably text you instead” he spoke while placing down all the bags and starting to cautiously put items in the spots of the small kitchen that he found appropriate. Yixing observed him a bit awkwardly, clearly taken aback by the display of kindness.

“Don’t worry about it” he spoke after a moment. “But, if you don’t mind me asking, I understand that you want to stay with your sister from now on, but what about… you know… him?”

Chanyeol froze with a six-pack of milk in his hands.

“Honestly, I have no idea. You know.”

Yixing already heard some of the story, but Chanyeol trusted him like no one else.

“I really had no idea what would happen. When we found out that they’re together, I was confused too, but dad told me that he took her hostage and was probably planning to blackmail us. And I believed him. Heck, they kidnapped [F/n], of course I believed they’re bad.” He slowly put the six-pack in the fridge, although it would barely fit on the shelf. He only hoped there’s enough space for other things as well. “But then when we got her back, I took her to the car, and she just… When she realized our dad’s going to kill him, she looked completely broken. I mean, who knows, maybe it was Stockholm syndrome or something like that, but hey, they did spend the entire night in that forest, with that nasty weather, and somehow survived. If she didn’t want him dead, why would I? And besides…” Chanyeol hesitated. “It was just easy to believe they’re our enemies, but then I thought, like damn… He’s Baekhee’s brother. How could I let him die?”

“I might just get sentimental.”

They both turned their heads at the sound of a new voice.

Baekhyun stood in the kitchen’s entry, leaning against the doorframe and trying to put his weight on the uninjured leg, but his face was terribly pale and he looked like he could collapse any second.

“You can’t get up” Yixing protested right away, but it wasn’t him that Baekhyun’s eyes were fixated on. Chanyeol stared back, his face a bit tense, but it was as if some kind of mutual understanding started growing between the two. It was Baekhyun that broke the silence.

“Baekhee told me about you. She once sneaked out of family dinner to meet you. My parents were so mad” he spoke with a small smile appearing on his face. “I covered for her, though. You two are close, aren’t you?” Without waiting for Chanyeol to confirm, he continued. “You want to save her.”

“Don’t you, too?” Chanyeol asked. Although the answer was obvious, the question carried much more weight – it wasn’t meant to negate Baekhyun’s bond with his sister. In other words, it meant about the same, as: do you want to save her, together?

“We will save her” Baekhyun replied without an ounce of hesitation. “And we will all get out of here. All four of us. No more old money, no more of this cruel theater. Are you in, Park Chanyeol?”

Chanyeol couldn’t help but smirk a little, although he knew that the offer is fully serious.

“No longer a Park. But I’m in. Let’s do it.”

Please, reblog if you enjoyed, it’ll help me a bunch!

Author’s note: Ahhhh this felt so good to finish up! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and still have the patience to wait for the next ones~!

#exo x reader #baekhyun x reader #baekhyun fanfiction #bbh x reader #exo fanfiction #baekhyun ff #baekhyun #bbh #vg: exo #vg: baekhyun

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slifarianhawk · 7 months ago

Text

Chapter 49: Malice Fades

"You three had better be at the rendezvous point and in position when Alex and I meet for the exchange." I said as Chambers, Jill, and Cerberus leaped onto the dock.

"You got it, boss. We are leaving this place with tabs one way or another." Gale said, making sure his rifle was slung properly over his shoulder.

"Don't get so confident, Gale." Jill started, "This is unknown hostile territory. While we may have satellite shots, we don't know what's out there."

"Just keep your head on straight, Galeforce." Cerberus said, "Alecto escort Dr. Wesker into the enemy lines. It's just been over a week since Arias reported Blake was successful. We don't even know if the plan worked or not."

Nighthawk nodded, his hand perched on his killer seven. He led me off the boat and on a long broken dock. There was a rusted army jeep at the end of the dock. It was obviously left there for transport.

"No driver? Alex really has lost all sense of decorum." I sighed as nighthawk opened the drivers side door.

"I'll take you to her headquarters. There isn't much here anymore." He said as the jeep sputtering to life.

As we drove off, the distant sound of automatic gun fire broke over the silence. I had a sinking feeling. I glanced over at nighthawk, and he simply nodded.

My dearest lotus, please don't let her get to you before I see you once more.

I felt the Angelis waking in my veins. The shock that was racing through my body told me one thing, she's here. It yearns for her touch. Just as I'm sure the Uroboros was telling her I've come.

"What the hell?" Nighthawk hawk muttered, an edge of fear lingering in his tone.

Looking out the windshield, I noticed what he had commented on. Piles upon piles of what appeared to be a mix of guards, armed soldiers, and miners all in front of what appeared to be mass graves. The sight was clearly disheartening to my nephew. Even I who had seen similar sights had yet to see one to this extent.

"Pull over here, Alecto." I said, "something tells me I need to look into this."

He simply nodded and pulled off the road, driving towards the morbid scene. He stopped the vehicle about five yards away from the closest pile. His hand was on his magnum holster.

"Don't stay for too long, sir. This place really has my feathers ruffled." He said, his eyes narrowing as if there was something along the horizon.

"Contact Gale and Jill, see if they found anything similar to this. Either Alex has gone further off the rails than I had anticipated, or something has been created that she can't control." I said, stepping out of the jeep.

I walked between the piles, blood mixed with dirt caked onto my boots. The scent of decay barely rearing it's ugly head. This fact in itself was strange. The bodies should have been heavy with the smell, given the ambient temperature was around sixty-five degrees and given the state of the bodies they had been decomposing for a week at the latest.

I watched as Uroboros stirred below my skin. Warning against touching the corpses, as it seemed. I glazed at the guards and soldiers. Their forms were more mangled than those of the miners whose throats were just cut enough to sever the arteries. The ones under Alex's employ wore expressions of agony.

The thing that did this wanted Alex's forces to suffer. Yet it was compassionate enough to grant relatively fast deaths to the locals. I had no doubt in my mind when I saw the difference. What did that drug you designed do to you love?

"Albert, I thought that was your silhouette I saw." I heard Alex's shrill voice cut through the air, "Quite a mess your monster of a whore can make."

"Where is she Alex?" I snarled turning to the direction her voice came from.

She was about ten yards away, a single blonde maid next to her. So that was one of the "angels" she was trying to make. The girl looks beaten and battered.

"It seems that you only have one of those pets you tortured my sweet lotus for?" I scoffed as the girl winced at the mention of the others.

"Aquila, did I see you cower just now?" Alex said, looking over her shoulder.

"No, mam, sorry, mam." She said in a hushed tone.

"I'll reclaim the others here soon. Once I take care of the pest you created, they'll return to me." She said, turning to walk away, "by the way, you shouldn't stay here the B.O.W. that did this is tracked to be heading this way."

"Where is Tabitha, Alex? I warned you what would happen if she and my children were harmed." I spoke, pulling out my Samurai Edge from its holster.

The metal radiates a mild warmth through my gloves. The sensation pulling my mind to stillness. If I turned over the samples, Alex might loosen her tongue. But I wasn't a fool. These vials were all faulty. They'd never give anyone the transcendence me and Tabitha shared.

As soon as I was about to speak, that's when I heard the roar once again.

"My lady! It is coming. We should get you back to the tower." Aquila said as heavy magnum shots pierced the roars reverberation.

"I will see you soon, dear brother." Alex said as she opened a hatch that was beneath her feet.

Loud cracking of trees snatched my attention from the fleeing fools. Nighthawk bolted towards me. His visor glinted as fire billowed out from underneath the corpses. Alex set a trap for this B.O.W.

"Sir, we need to move!" He shouted as the large monstrosity flipped the jeep with a singe swing of what appeared to be a sickle shaped appendage.

I nodded and dashed to the hatch Alex had entered through. Once I had arrived at the rusted door, I easily wrenched it open. Nighthawk quickly jumped down the ladder the B.O.W. hot on his heels. Following suit, I started down the ladder, closing the hatch.

"What the fucking hell was that! There was not a B.O.W. like that when I was here last!" Alecto shouted while reloading his killer seven.

"My guess is that it's connected to the drug that we provided Arias with. The timeline of the decay on those bodies would line up with that." I said, adjusting my glasses.

"Looks like we are in the sewers that connect her base of operations to the mines." He said as a loud screeching noise rang out through the tunnels.

"Well, well, well, look what I've managed to do...Alex!" A raspy female voice rang throughout the space, "It seems sending you on that meger chase for the pet you assumed me to be was worth it after all."

"Tabitha... my lotus..." I muttered under my breath.

"Boss... it couldn't be...she sounds so malevolent." Alecto said, his eyes going wide.

"Hahaha, gods Alex, you are quite the fool. The number of times you must've thought I couldn't hear your plans." Her raspy voice echoed powerfully but sounded so empty.

"Poor little Lyra, you punished her so harshly before you enacted your plan. I think the reason she is so avidly hunting you down is because she wants vindication. To make you feel what she felt. Tricking herself into thinking she was a masochist, yet it wasn't pleasure she ever felt from your lashings. It was the feeling of failing to please." She laughed once more, Angelis burning in my skin.

"Sir, what has happened to her?" Nighthawk asked.

I glanced at him his face looked pale. He was radiating fear. His feathers were looking poised, like a threatened prey. In all honesty, I had only heard her speak this threateningly once before.

"Years of being an experiment takes a heavy toll on one psyche. It seems she's done being pushed around." I said.

Her voice chimed out again, "If you want to kill me and my children, Alex, then meet me outside the hospital for the locals. Me and my pets will be waiting."

Her voice faded out not in words but as a dark, unnerving laugh.

"That broadcast had to have been made at Alex's tower. If we hurry, we can catch her there!" Alecto said about to take off, but I placed my hand on his shoulder.

"Hey Wesker! Was that fucking T talking?" My earpiece buzzed, Chambers voice cold and unfazed.

"Without a doubt, Chambers. Cerberus, have you seen piles of corpses or anything stranger than normal for an Umbrella research lab?" I asked, trying to get some formation of a plan started.

"I saw two mass grave sites, relatively small compared to some I've seen. However, for an island of this size, it would fall under substantial loss of life." Cryo Wolf said.

"Should we head to where she told Alex she was going to be?" Jill asked as uncertainty fills her tone.

"I think we should converge on the tower." Alecto said, "That's the most likely place she would've been able to make that broadcast."

"I just had a light bulb moment!" Gale exclaimed, his voice piercing my ear drums, "What about the small village on the coast? It looked really ragtag, but if they had a radio or computer, she could have just hijacked Alex's comm system."

I processed the information for a few moments. All the small insignificant details were just getting in the way. But what surged through my body and mind made me chuckle internally.

Angelis picked up on the soft smell of jasmine and leather. Uroboros stirred as if trying to lead me. The memory of Alex's objection. Where she'd said she'd find the tallest building and throw my lotus off. That's where she'd be.

"You five, go to the hospital and put down the B.O.W.s without mercy. I know where my lotus will be." I said, dashing towards the hatch.

"SIR!" Nighthawk called out as I disappeared from his vision.

His call fell on deaf ears. Nighthawk was right she would be at the tower. But I can not let them see her like this.

When I made it outside, the B.O.W. had left, but the fires consumed the multitudes of bodies. The sound of bones snapping in the flames was all that remained of the once distinguishable corpses.

Taking a breath, I stared off into the distance. The cross shaped building stood striking against the sky. The small hole in the trees revealed a ruined apartment complex.

"Less than a mile, it seems." I muttered as I dashed towards my destination.

The closer I got to the tower, the more the wind smelled of death and decay. When the entrance came into view, so did she.

Sitting on an obsidian covered body that was hunched over on all fours was my lotus. Her eyes were closed, face in her hand. Her index and middle fingers covered her eyes. Her ring finger was supporting her cheek and her pinky at the corner of her lips.

"I wondered when you'd arrive, my creator." She said, her eyes slowly opening.

This was not my lotus.

"Where is she?" I asked, confronting a set of blazing orange eyes.

"In due time, i'm not going to reveal that until I'm sure my charge is safe." The B.O.W. spoke as tendrils writhes beneath its skin, "After all, being created from her is quite indebting."

"Did Alex make you?" I asked once again, pulling out my weapon.

"No, I was made by the woman whose image I share... I'm the voraciousness of her will. The gift you blessed her with awakened." It said, standing revealing black and white hair, "I am a mere fraction of the Uroboros that dwelled in her veins."

"That explains why none of my vessels were able to be properly turned." An entitled voice spoke from behind me.

"Ahh, Alex ... I'm so glad you are able to join us. I must apologize. While darling Esther managed to put up a decent fight, her body failed to adapt to both Angelis and Uroboros." The copy of my lotus laughed and kicked over the obsidian corpse.

The body shattered. The head rolling over towards Alex. As it stopped, the face was obviously of a young female with an agonizing expression. Alex eyes widened, then narrowed harshly.

"YOU FILTHY RAT!" Alex shouted, "I should have decapitated you as soon as I saw Sergei had you chained in that testing chamber."

"Che, well, it's far too late for that." The B.O.W. said it's voice getting harsher.

"Alex, it's time you relinquish my lotus back to me." I said, "I left the samples in that hatch, and it has passed the promised time."

"And why should I Albert? Look at the destruction that thing has done to my island! You never should have met this unworthy, disgusting sack of bones and sinew!" Alex shouted, pulling two red grenades from behind her back, "I'm going to turn all my troubles to ash, the good thing about former Russian military compounds, they tend to have banned substances, napalm for example."

The B.O.W.s eyes widened this turn into an abyss of black. I doubt Alex noticed as she turned and threw the grenades over her back towards me. She thought that move through, as the incendiary devices were clearly aimed at me.

The B.O.W. quickly dissolved into a mess of tentacles that raced towards me. As it coated my body, its raspy voice echoed in my mind.

"Her body is weak. She can't handle much, that's why we separated from her. That woman is on the way to end her. Please save her, our creator. We have a small amount of the viral activator in our form. You know what to do." It said, voice fading into silence.

Thank you, Uroboros. I felt my smirk return as the tendrils absorbed into my body. Dull pain ached from the back of my neck and middle spine.

My back felt sticky, cold, and much heavier. I touched at the sensation on my neck, small wing like appendages had sprouted. So I myself had assumed an angelic form.

The power coursing through my veins was intoxicating. I gave a simple command to my body, and the wings on my back flapped. My teeth had no change nor did any of my features. When I spoke, my voice was not raspy but had a deeper tone that one would depict a god would have.

The warning given by the B.O.W. echoed in my memory. Alex.... I had given you ample chances to return her. Tabitha, my dearest love, hold on just a little longer.

I dashed off in the direction Alex was walking. The scenery flew by faster than it ever had. I came upon Alex relatively quickly. She was driven by one of her researchers in a similar jeep that was left for me and nighthawk.

With a scoff, I dashed in front of them and slammed my fist into the engine. It completely stalled out as I ripped the belts free of their confines. I felt my eyes flare at Alex.

Her expression was of horror and disbelief.

"Albert, what have you done to yourself! Have you stooped so low as to inject yourself with a lesser virus than what was gifted to you!" Alex covered her mouth and scowled in discontent.

"If Spencer determined it was good enough for her, then it is more than worthy for me." I said.

The researcher pulled a small twenty-two out and proceeded to shoot three times. I simply chuckled as the small holes it pierced into my skin. The wounds quickly spat out the spent rounds and healed almost immediately. Alex smacking the weapon of this fools hand.

"He is not the one you should be firing at!" Alex scolded the terrified man.

I rolled my eyes at the audacity of my sister. Tabitha's voice and teachings played in my head.

"Angelis manipulates the electrons in the air. That's how I'm able to energize that wakazashi. This is also how I'm able to have limited control over silica molecules and shape what they form. Be it the obsidian coating over my body or the spears I tend to utilize in my arch-angel form. I'm sure that you'll be able to do it too, my treasure." Her soft, soothing voice playing back in my mind.

"I'm disappointed in you, Alex." I say chastising her, "You being an overseer on project W, you should have seen my lotus's potential. Yet, you let your stupid attachments to me and the Wesker children cloud your judgment. Now you'll sit and watch as I walk away from you. Stuck as your only hope in being saved is by being chiseled out extremely carefully by your staff. Not that your vestige will last much longer based on the notes Alecto found in your study while he was in your care."

I feel the tension leave my neck as I felt myself smile in contempt. I simply felt my fingers twitch, and a massive spike of condensed silica impaled the jeep, splitting the researcher in half and almost completely incasing Alex. Blood and carcass fell on to her. Her eyes reflected back sheer terror.

"You know, Alex. Fear is produced by potent chemicals in the brain. Clearly, even your decaying one is still able to produce them. Maybe you'll be worth something to research one day." I said, "It will not be today unless you fail to tell where Tabitha is."

"The village on coast... that's where Lyra said she was..." Alex said, hanging her head in defeat.

"So Chambers was right after all." I muttered as I flew off.

Racing towards the coast, the sting of the salt permeated the air fresh in my eyes. The sun that lingered on the horizon shone its last vestiges of pink and orange as the sky turned to indigo and black. The wind sounded like a song from this height, unlike the whistling of things passing while sprinting. This was more akin to a humming sound.

A loud, painful scream rang in my ears. It was a distance away but unmistakable.

"Tabitha!" I mouthed as I dove towards where the scream came from.

The village, now in full view stood, ran down and in a sorry state. There were people racing about, with blood-soaked towels and medical equipment. Among them was Cerberus and Nighthawk.

Touching down the villagers parting at my presence.

"Where is my lotus?" I ask as they ran into separate buildings.

"She's in the large building in the center of town, Wesker. But I think you should revert from what appears to be an Angelis form before you see her." Cerberus said, walking up behind me a bottle morphine and an epidural needle.

Yet again, I heard a loud scream. It caused my veins to burn. Why was she in so much pain. Then, the things I saw clicked into place. The blood-soaked towels and medical equipment. A strong analgesic such as morphine in her guard dogs hands.

"How far along?" I said as the shock drained from my features.

"She's at about eight centimeters. Luckily, this village has a decently trained doctor. Apparently, she's been here nearly fifteen hours. Her body wasn't contracting, and the doctor apparently injected her with Cytotec about an hour and a half ago. Her body started to behave normally after that." He said, "I contacted Dr. Burnside. He's on his way from the ship. There is an abandoned building down this road go there and inject the silver needle into your neck that's in my attache case. It's the stability agent we brought in case she was fully mutated."

I simply nodded and went to the dilapidated house. Just as Cerberus said there was a case on a broken-down workbench. There was a fresh set of clothes next to the opened syringe storage. Carefully, I injected the medicine, and within minutes, my mutations started to crumble into black dust.

The weight of my wings disappeared, and I quickly changed into the set of spare clothes. I didn't have the time for the intricacies of thought. My lotus, who was without support for a month and a half, was in labor. She wasn't going through it alone, not again.

I burst into the build, ladies stammering in Russian running about. I heard her screams and ran to the upstairs floor. In the room laid my lotus, propped up on her elbows and legs on stir-ups. Her hair and face were slicked with sweat.

I could hear how heavy her breathing was. Her eyes were straining in pain. The second I stepped past the door frame, she turned her head. A small pained smile graced her lips.

"Albert, you're here." Her voice very soft but coarse and raspy.

"Like I would let you stay in Alex's grasp long. It seems that they are a bit ahead of schedule." I said, starting to walk up to her.

I watched as her face contorted in agonyand I hurried to be by her side. Reaching for her hand, she quickly grabbed my own. Her face was easing as she took a deep breath.

"I'm glad you showed up when you did, sir. T, you're at full dilation. I need you to push." Steve said as my lotus screamed.

It was going to be a memorable night. One that I'll cherish until eternity clashes on me.

Hey everyone, Silfarianhawk here, and yay, I finally finished this chapter! So, life update I have a new job, and I'm finally in a career that I went to school for. It's been a ride. I have a vacation coming up in the next month with 16+ hours of riding in a car. So I should have at least two chapters for both of my stories done after that.

#albert wesker #resident evil #wesker #wesker x reader #wesker x oc #albert wesker x reader #albert wesker x oc #re wesker #resident evil wesker

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