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randomasfuk · 1 day ago

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One of those days

Jason x gn!reader

This is my first x reader that isn’t hasn’t been explicitly mentioned as female so I hope it’s ok.

It was just one of those days.

One of those days when you feel like curling up into a tiny ball and vanishing into the abyss, never to return. One of those days where everything—every little thing—stresses you out beyond reason. One of those days where no matter what you do, it feels wrong, like you’re somehow failing at simply existing.

One of those days where you feel utterly insignificant, worthless—like a burden in your own life. It’s not just a passing thought but a weight pressing down on your chest, making it hard to breathe, hard to think. Every action feels futile, every word out of your mouth seems misplaced, like you’re speaking into a void that doesn’t care to listen. The world moves around you, people go about their lives, and yet you feel like a ghost—unseen, unheard, unnecessary.

One those day ware you felt like could disappear, and would anyone even notice? Would anything change? The thought claws at you, relentless, whispering that you are replaceable, that your presence holds no real meaning. It’s the kind of feeling that sinks deep into your bones, numbing you, making even the simplest tasks feel overwhelming. Like trying to move through water with weights strapped to your ankles, like no matter how much effort you put in, you’ll never be enough.

Work had been brutal. By the end of it, you were drained, mentally and physically. All you wanted was to go home, crawl into bed, and snuggle into the familiar warmth of your boyfriend. Thankfully, he wasn’t on patrol tonight. Unluckily for you, though, he seemed indifferent to your touch. He didn’t push you away, but he didn’t lean into it either. It was as if he were merely tolerating it, indulging you rather than reciprocating. That wasn’t a great feeling. Physical affection was your main love language—cuddles, hand-holding, casual touches—all those small gestures were how you showed love, how you felt connected.

It was 23:30 by the time you finally stepped through the door, completely spent from working overtime. And there he was, lying in bed—right where you wanted him to be. You moved through your nightly routine as fast as you could, stripping out of your work clothes, slipping into your pajamas, washing your face, brushing your teeth—all of it just a means to an end. And then, at last, you crawled into bed beside him, wrapping your arms around his torso, burying your face into his chest as if trying to disappear into him.

“Hey, darlin’,” he murmured, voice low and rough with sleep.

“Hey,” you whispered back, the word muffled against his broad chest. You sighed deeply, exhaling all the weight of the day into him.

“How was work?”

“Shit,” you muttered, repositioning slightly so you could talk better and see his face.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“No,” you admitted, glancing up at him.

As you snuggled into him—your desperation to see him had faded now that he was right here, next to you, yet he felt distant even as you clung to him. Normally, you wouldn’t mind. Jason wasn’t the kind of guy to keep things bottled up; if something was bothering him, he’d say it. So it wasn’t that he was mad at you, or upset. No, this was just… how he was. But maybe that was the problem. Maybe you didn’t love him in the way he needed to be loved. Touch clearly wasn’t his thing.

Maybe he responded better to gift-giving, but you were terrible at that. You never knew what to get—nothing ever felt quite right, never personal enough, never thoughtful enough. And even if you did have ideas, your current financial situation didn’t exactly allow for grand gestures. You had moved in together partly out of necessity—it made more sense to split costs than struggle alone—but that only added to the pressure.

Acts of service? Maybe. But your initiative was terrible. It wasn’t that you didn’t care—you cared too much. You wanted to do things for Jason, to make his life easier, but you weren’t good at picking up on unspoken needs. If someone asked you for something, you had no problem doing it. But the little things, the moments where love was supposed to be effortless, intuitive? Those always seemed to slip through your fingers. Most subtle hints flew right over your head, and Jason wasn’t the type ask for what he needed anyway. But that’s the thing, isn’t it? Love isn’t about waiting to be told; it’s about noticing, about anticipating. And you weren’t good at that. You never had been.

Maybe words of affirmation would work, but even that wasn’t much easier. You struggled with putting feelings into words, always had. It wasn’t that you didn’t feel things deeply—you did, more than you could even handle sometimes. But when it came to expressing those feelings, your tongue twisted, your mind blanked, and whatever you managed to say always felt inadequate. You weren’t good at compliments—giving or receiving them. Every time you tried, it came out awkward, forced, rehearsed to the point of losing all meaning.

You had tried before, in a past relationship, and it never seemed to be enough. Either you missed something, or it wasn’t quite right, or it just ended up annoying them. That was the last thing you wanted to do to Jason. But what if you were already annoying him? What if, despite his patience, you were too much and yet not enough all at once?

That’s why you relied on touch. It was the only way you knew how to show him what you felt—the only way you could speak when words failed you. A hand on his arm, fingers curling around his own, resting your head against his shoulder, pressing your body close in the quiet of the night. That was how you said I love you. That was how you reassured him that you were there, that you weren’t going anywhere. But what if that wasn’t enough? What if, despite all your desperate attempts to show him love, he still felt unloved?

The thought twisted in your gut. Maybe you weren’t enough. Maybe you weren’t capable of loving him the right way. Maybe you weren’t compatible and it was driving you crazy because you loved Jason and you didn’t know how to show it in a way that would please him.

But then again… maybe you were just overthinking it.

Jason wasn’t cold, not really. He had his own way of showing affection. He would squeeze your hand for a split second when you reached for his. When you leaned into him, his arm would find its way around your shoulders, not quite pulling you in but resting there nonetheless. He never traced patterns on your skin or played with your hair, but his touch would linger longer than necessary. And his jacket? He’d drape it over your shoulders without you ever having to say you were cold, his hands pressing lightly on your arms before pulling away.

You knew Jason. You knew the subtle, non-verbal cues he used to express himself. But even knowing that, the fear of annoying him burned in your mind. Your chest felt tight, and you bit your lip as you turned over, facing away from him. You didn’t want to cry. You didn’t want to be clingy. But the tears welled up anyway, slipping silently down your face.

Unbeknownst to you, Jason noticed.

He noticed the way your body had tensed against his, how your grip had been just a little too tight, how the way you looked at him tonight was different. And he noticed the exact moment your arms loosened, when you lifted your head away, leaving an unpleasant chill in their absence. He noticed everything. He wasn’t sure if he should press the issue. You had said you didn’t want to talk. But then—

A sniffle. Quiet, barely audible the average person wouldn’t have noticed.

But Jason wasn’t the average person. He caught it immediately.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” His voice was softer now, careful.

“Nothing. Just a bad day at work,” you murmured, swallowing the lump in your throat. Attempting to sound normal.

But he knew better. He knew you.

“You sure?” A pause. “You always wanna cuddle me when work’s been shitty.”

Your breath hitched slightly. You hated this. Hated how transparent you were to him. Hated that you had let it get to this point. Hated this feeling and You didn’t want to annoy him further by inconveniencing him with your stupidity.

“Yeah, m’good. I just… I know you’re not a fan of cuddling, and I don’t wanna annoy ya.” You tried to sound casual, but the words cracked at the edges, betraying you.

Jason froze. Not a fan of cuddling?

He loved it.

He loved when you played with his hair, when you held his hand, when you wrapped yourself around him like he was your anchor. He loved when you came home after a long day and buried yourself in him. He loved feeling needed, loved feeling like he could give you comfort. But upon reflection he had never said that out loud, had he? He had never really shown it.

Because love scared him.

For so long, Jason had pushed love away, convinced that it wasn’t something he deserved. The scars from betrayal and loss had built walls around his heart, walls so high that he couldn’t see over them, even when you came into his life. He didn’t believe he deserved you—he was too broken, too damaged. But with you, something changed. Something he couldn’t control. He fell for you faster than he expected, faster than he was comfortable with. It blindsided him, and for the first time in a long while, he didn’t know how to push you away the way he had with others.

Before he knew it he has agreed to move in with you due to financial issues he didn’t even have. It wasn’t something he’d consciously thought through, but there was a pull, an undeniable need to stay close to you. He hadn’t expected to get so attached, but here he was, afraid of getting too close while desperately wanting to hold on. The truth was, he wasn’t sure how to balance it. He had never been taught how to give and receive affection in a healthy way.

He didn’t mean to keep his distance, didn’t mean to be less affectionate than you needed him to be. It wasn’t like he didn’t care. He cared deeply, maybe too much, but he had built up so many defenses over the years that he didn’t even realize he was putting up barriers with you. He wasn’t intentionally distant, but every time you reached out for him, every time you wanted something more from him, he would retreat just enough—without realizing it—because that’s what he had always done to protect himself. That’s how he survived. It was like a reflex, like something ingrained in him over time. It wasn’t a conscious decision, but he kept pulling back, thinking he was giving you space.

Jason’s mind had convinced him that if he showed too much, if he let you in too much, you’d leave. So, in his attempts to keep things balanced, he found himself unintentionally shutting you out in small, quiet ways. Maybe he didn’t kiss you enough, or maybe he didn’t offer the comfort you were craving. Maybe he didn’t hold you the way you needed when you were upset. But the thing was, he didn’t notice. Not at first. He thought he was doing fine—he thought he was being considerate, not overwhelming you, not smothering you. But now, he began to realise that something wasn’t right. He had been so wrapped up in his fear of losing you that he had been unintentionally pushing you away, thinking he was protecting you, thinking he was doing the right thing by keeping a little distance

“Look at me,” he said softly.

You hesitated.

“Baby, please.” His hand grazed your hip.

Reluctantly, you turned, and when he saw your tear-streaked face, his expression softened immediately. His arms wrapped around you, pulling you in, holding you tight. It was like a wave crashing over him seeing the look in your eyes.

“I’m so sorry, darlin’,” he whispered, one hand cradling the back of your head, the other firm around your waist. “Fuck, I’m sorry.”

You clung to him, breathing him in, letting yourself relax into the warmth you had craved.

“You, your love, your touch—none of it could ever annoy me,” he murmured. “I love it. I love you.”

The weight in your chest eased slightly.

“Why didn’t you ever…” You couldn’t think of the right word—reciprocate? He did, occasionally. When you lay on him on the couch, he would sometimes wrap his arm around you, pulling you closer. And when you held hands, you always initiated, but he never let go, no matter where you were or what you were doing.

You sniffed slightly. “Why didn’t you ever seem to care?”

You still weren’t thrilled with the way you had worded it, but it was out there now. He squeezed you tightly for a moment, holding you close, periodically mumbling apologies and soft “I love you’s” into your hair. He pressed a gentle kiss to your head as you buried your face in the crook of his neck.

Jason didn’t answer when you asked why he had seemed so indifferent before, but you didn’t press him. For now, you just let yourself drown in his warmth, in the safety of his arms.

Sleep came easily after that, allowing yourself to bask in his warm embrace.

You awoke still in his arms, his deep, steady breathing telling you he was still asleep. You peeked up at his sleeping frame, remaining in his grasp for a moment before returning to your original position, his heartbeat a steady, soothing rhythm against you.

He stirred about fifteen minutes later.

“Mornin’, love,” he mumbled, his voice raspy and thick with sleep.

“Morning,” you responded, looking up at him, slightly nervous about the possibility of a serious conversation.

“Breakfast?” you asked, offering a small smile.

He nodded, though his eyes seemed to mirror your nervousness tenfold, like he had something difficult to say. The tension in the air made your stomach churn, but you pushed yourself up, feeling the cold nip at your skin. Despite your nerves, you knew better than to pry—he would tell you when he was ready.

You had just got up and turned heading for the kitchen when he grabbed your wrist.

“I was scared… am scared, a bit,” he admitted.

“What?” You turned back to him, not quite sure what he meant.

“Last night, you asked why I didn’t seem to care. I do care—a hell of a lot. And that scares me a bit,” he clarified.

You hadn’t expected such vulnerability from him. He had never been like this before—typically, he seemed indifferent, even cold at times. But you knew better. Still, seeing the raw emotion painted across his face sent shivers down your spine.

You sat back down on the bed, facing him as he avoided your gaze.

“Do you mind if I ask why?” you questioned. You weren’t quite sure what to say or do in a moment like this. This was only your second proper relationship, so you weren’t sure how to respond, how to reassure him, or even what he needed to be reassured of.

“I—” He paused, searching for the right words. You knew how difficult that could be, especially in moments like this, so you waited patiently.

“Caring about people hasn’t exactly worked out well for me in the past,” he admitted. “I’m just kind of worried about shit hitting the fan… again. So I guess I kept a distance between us. And to be honest… I didn’t even realize I was doing it until last night.”

You weren’t sure what to say, but you spoke anyway.

“Jason, I’m here now. With you. And I’m not going anywhere. Whatever happens—whatever shit the world throws at us—we’re in it together. I love you and I don’t plan on leaving, I’m not an easy person to scare off anyway.”

And it was true. You knew who he was—Red Hood. You knew what he had done. And if your boyfriend being a murderous vigilante known for his violence didn’t scare you off, what would?

He finally met your eyes, a weak smile tugging at his lips. You leaned forward, intending to press a kiss to his forehead, but to your surprise, he pulled you down into a tight hug instead. Without hesitation, you hugged him back, letting him hold you in silence.

You weren’t sure how long you stayed like that—until his stomach grumbled, breaking the moment.

“So… what was that about breakfast?” he asked.

You chuckled, finally pulling away and getting up to make what would now be brunch for both of you.

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bannock-freak · 6 months ago

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"shipping saiki is aphobic because he's aroace!"

stares at you with my demiromantic asexual in a committed relationship eyes then looks at the camera like im in the office

#good thing those folks have yet to find their way into my inbox or id be at risk of embarrassing myself lol #if you wanna see more of the content you prefer...make it yourself :3 MAKE IT YOUR FUCKING SELF lol #youre so attached to the idea youll complain about it but you refuse to do anything about it even create works that you and others will sur #ly enjoy how does this even make sense #sorry for reviving this from the dead when it blessfully hasnt been a thing in the tag for a hot moment but im still irritated hahahah #seriously you know what that screams to me? virtue signalling. you wont do anything except say a few words every now and again like #the motivation starts and ends at appealing to the popular opinion. earn your brownie points. and do nothing.#what is your care made of? thoughts and prayers?#every time ive asked one of these people why they dont make the content themselves the response has been 'i shouldnt have to lol'#you shouldnt have to bully people either with your aphobic BS but look at you! aw~#yall dont wanna commit to shit you just want to tell other people how they should exist.#if you cant create for whatever reason you better be ready and willing to drop your rec list and fave artists. and i sure as shit hope your #complimenting them thoroughly.

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basofy · 2 months ago

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i think you can be as critical about the venezuelan opposition and maría corina and edmundo as you want but arent venezuelans allowed to choose for themselves even if the options arent perfect? are you willing to justify electoral fraud and police brutality, class inequality, bad management of resources, lack of maintenance of the country, breach of the law, lack of investment in health services and education etc etc just because the person doing it is someone you like or because you don't like the other option? are people at fault for wanting something different?

#i don't like idolizing politicians either in fact i dont think anyone should #a government official being good to the people would literally just be doing their job #but there are reasons for how much people love maría corina as of now and it's because shes one of the few members of the opposition #that has not completely given up on us or just sold themselves to the regime #from the days of chavez and when nobody would pay attention to her or think she would accomplish anything #people are allowed to have hope #and im very sick of this tendency to dehumanize other countries(particularly those from the third world)#and act like they cannot defend themselves or choose for themselves #when they try they are told not to and to let others do the job. how fair is that?? who are you helping?#if maría corina and edmundo fail us it would just turn into what we are already living through. we know it already #if they keep their promises and things go well or at least better then yay!#but we know what's going to happen under maduro #the country will keep deteriorating until everybody either dies or leaves #or people will keep living miserably #i thought people liked the idea that you shouldnt have to work out of your ass to have your neccesities covered!#well people are exploited here on the daily and don't have access to half things they need #let alone pursuing their dreams. theyre not allowed to dream #it's either we die or we don't die for me #i want to see my country healing thats all. you think maduro will give us that? absolutely not #it's always like this with countries that others view as just a land of natural resources or as a land of dumb poor people to project onto #just allow us to see where this goes. it's what the people chose. respect it.#oh ok vent over #Venezuela #this is very messily written i havent had breakfast yet #not to mentionnnnnnnn people on other places know what it's like having to choose for the lesser evil but when vzla does it it's wrong. lol #chavismo is not going to save anyone other than the regime. even chavistas themselves die under it #a lot of us were born under chavismo and want to see life outside of it

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evilminji · 1 day ago

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It's in the same camp as "I want Nice Shizun" yet not! It's the "confusing the thrill of the hunt/longstanding issues with being denied things that he's violently over correcting for, at everyone else's expense" thing!

He doesn't WANT Aria. He wants the IDEA of Aria. The PRIZE. The happiness and victory he thinks he'll get at the end. Like a drug high that, by it's very nature, can never last. Because he built it all on shards of glass.

She's never going to love him.

There is no scenario in which he "wins". He can't FORCE reality to be kind and beautiful to him. To "make up" for what it's "done".

Doesn't matter that he's the Protagonist. His ACTIONS? Make him the villian of this world. The monster, good people must stand against. It's a story she's had baked into her BONES.

It's? Also? A pretty common Otome story.

"The rise of the Demon Lord". The "princess" or female lead being forced to flee, grow stronger, come back with a bunch of hunky boys to defeat him.

She?? Maybe have been a Fuck Up~! ᐠ( ᐛ )ᐟ Whoops~☆

(What the fuck do you MEAN WHOO-!!!)

Because like? If she, an Otome Nerd? Was SUPPOSED to be Reincarnated into an OTOME game world? And, say, her BROTHER wasn't? If someone BADLY fucked up and her brother is now Suffering™ in a world of Hunky Boys and Lace? Villianess tropes and vague European Aesthetics? Then... wait...

Σ(;Φ ω Φ) THIS ISN'T "ALL IS FAIR IN LACE AND WAR!" PLEASE HOLD!

The system trying to "pls pls pls PLS PLS-!" Her along RIGHT out of this story and back were her soul belongs? Would be hilarious. It can't give her SHIT here. All her missions are a universe or 315 over. This... this ISNT EVEN THE RIGHT DEPARTMENT. It's gonna get such a bad quarterly revieeeeew .·°՞(¯□¯)՞°·.

But then? It's... actually... kinda having? Fun? Ooooh~ all these Xanxia clothes are PRETTY~☆! The DRAMA! The New Jewelry!!! Otome System... c-could maybe... uuuh *cough* be pursued to... to NOT mention anything.... for one of those jade hair pieces. ( ◇.◇)

Like? Cucumber out here. Risking his life. Horrified and dying. And you just pan over? To Aria, suffering, because she has to barter 3 hours of listening to gossip and two butterfly hair pins for the B points she needs.

This is her System's "oh fuck I got on the wrong plane! We're stuck in...! A..a tropical paradise? Oh. Oh no, wait. Actually? I think I'm fine with this. Carry on."

She gets away with SO MUCH SHIT. The other System's are SO MAD. You can't DO THAT! (What? Gonna complain to my boss? Do it. I fucking dare you. I don't even work here!) (You FLOWERY B-!)

And like? If she's in PIDM? With another System? Then obviously they haven't bumped up the "oh wow. It's ALL gone to shit." Difficulty rating. So it's Just Some Dude. Who... probably doesn't make it.

She's probably the last Transmigrator standing. At like? The "edge of the world." Which? I REALLY like your idea? That their IS one? And the gods are either dead or gone? But in the sense of "the Heavenly Demons were created from Shit Going Down in heaven. We are STILL rebuilding. Everything is in shambles. There are BARELY any of us left. Far too few ascending to help replenish the gutted ranks. It will take TIME. Time we... we dont HAVE."

So when "Heavenly Demon(s), The Fuckening Of Everything; Take Two" began to occur? The CURRENT Jade Emperor? Called a retreat.

That little BASTARD was trying to fucking COLLAPSE Reality itself! Put LIFE itself into the metaphorical blender and spin. The rubble? It wasn't going anywhere. But this? THIS was their Sacred Task. Their One Penultimate Duty. They Were and ARE GODS.

They CAN NOT allow everything to unravel. So? Like a hole being punched in the fabric of reality. They contained the damage. Sewed the edges shut. Just as once they had created the Abyss... so too, do they create... This.

But! Of COURSE there is an edge. And there are God's. LOTS of them, patrolling it. To keep that little fucker IN. Cause if he wants to throw his weight around and trash the place? Fine. Wallow in the muck of your own creation, demon. While WE fix everything else.

After ALL? They had to flee SOMEWHERE right? Such as? Other pantheons. Because what Swede would ascend to join the Jade Emperor's court? Aboriginal soul? They have their own paths to take, thank you. Not to say they COULDN'T mind you. But like... why would they want to?

No. The God's here? Fled to their neighbors, as it were. Who were VERY alarmed. Put the word out. War gods from all over patrol those mind bending walls. Those "that which IS and Is Not" borders.

Probably the climactic scene? Racing that final stretch. Her defensive arrays being broken and torn away, bit by bit. Tired and worn. The end in sight. Death at her back. Wondering if she'll be trapped... trapped against an impossible wall. Her hand... around the anchor.

Ready to cast it through.

Because if nothing else? At... at least the others... will make it.

Falling just short. Scrambling in the dirt. A cornered animal. The anchor, flying to safety. Blood on her teeth, but at least it's her own. Broken leg, yet still she kicks. Crawls with ragged nails. The Demon with a mad smile and a cackling, victorious, certainty that he's WON.

Then? Like the striking of a hammer. The crash of thunder. All fury and long overdue ass whoopings to come?

FROM THE HIGH BAR!

Lui Qingge, now an ACTUAL War God!

You killed his martial Brothers and Sisters, twisted and perverted is BLOOD sister, BURNED his beloved Sect to the ground! And now you hunt all that remains? Ha ha... oh FUCK NO. Come and DIE, Demon! He's gonna feed you EACH OF YOUR BONES INDIVIDUALLY.

It starts a fucking RAIN of deities come to kick ass. With a side of "betcha thought you saw the last of ME, didn't ya?" Cause whoop! Godhood's funny like that! No, they will NOT explain! Bleed FASTER, whelp!

And? It ends how it started. "Not my circus, not my monkeys." *painful crawl across the border. Collapse where binghe can't reach. Passes out*

Probably ends with her desperately running from "oh we're so greatful! .... have some Power and Responsibility!" *Aria cold sweating* "n-nah, really. I'm good. Just leave me and my beautiful wife, the craft rooms, alone, kay? No... NO! Get AWAY FROM ME WITH THAT PAPWRWORK! AaaaaaAAAAAAA-" *terrified screaming*

God, I am... so obsessed? (SI-OC thoughts)

PIDM/SVSSS/Xanxia let me gooooo .·°՞(¯□¯)՞°·.

Back on my bullshit, with another Treasures Maker™. But like... make um TANK. Go ALL in. No being coy about it. No holding back. Balls to the wall, batshit insane Treasure Maker.

A real "w-why would you..." Sort of creator. Tentacle with a knife sort of "....wanted to see what would happen." Kind of gal. No one is safe and EVERYONE is nervous. Put the crafting supplies DOWN, shimei! Back AWAY from the crafting rooms! You KNOW you have to be supervised in there!

No one wants another... Incident™! (WE DO NOT SPEAK OF THE INCIDENT™!!!)

Cause like?

They? Had a brother. That brother? Was gross. We love um, but teenagers, man. Violence and boobs. 2 Edgy 4 U media. That sort of shit. It was his bread and butter for like... Puberty.

Not! To say he was a bad kid! God, no! But he WAS basicly soaking in sweat, hormones, and teenage "oh god I'm so horny I couldd die but also AaaaaaAAAAAAA-!!!!" Brain fuckery. Not fun. She survived it, does NOT recommend, but still retains the Sisterly right to ROAST his deeply shit reading tastes (lightly).

After all? Who amongst us? Has not read terrible, terrible Smut based power fantasies? People in glass houses and all that.

.....she DOES wish she, you know, stuck it out. Read that trashfire COMPLETELY. Not just the spark notes, wiki, and that hilarious rant compilation of the Honorable Cucumber Bro (A Legend, we stan. God, what a psycho(affectionate)). But like... not her genre, man. She's an otome nerd. Her Meta knowledge aint worth SHIT.

But! Trying to relate to her brother? Listening to him excitedly talk about the latest chapters and current arcs? DID leave her with SOME knowledge. Enough knowledge.

Specifically?

This world is SHIT to women.

Like? A legit horror reality. Everyone has somehow? Still got that bullshit, purity culture, your honor is stored in your virginal, mint condition, breeding stock hoo-haa. While being surrounded by more natural aphrodisiacs then any Hentai universe could excuse! Like? EXCUSE ME!?

You can't SPIT, without hitting three Fuck Or Die plants and the aphrodisiac poisoning monster that LIVES IN UM!

But we, the WOMAN, would be a whore, should we be struck by the damn near inevitable? Airplane... you sexist HACK! (*Qinghau... feels like he's in danger*)(He swears he DIDNT MEAN IT! He just didn't think of the implications! About A LOT OF SHIT!)

Not to MENTION?

The fucking (quite literally) BODY HORROR fuckboi Protagonist! With his MONSTER DICK! Like? Look... she is a GROWN ASS WOMAN, okay? She KNOWS how sex works! Apparently, she is one of the privileged few in this universe who DOES. And while her little brother and that hack author may buy into the troupe "all women want huuuuuge, big, improbable, monster dicks"?

Ha ha! GOD, No. They do NOT. That is PURELY a male thing! It's a masculinity thing. Some power fantasy, male envy, "look how manly I am" bullshit. WOMEN? Have ORGANS. And while there ARE outliers (gods bless, we salute you. Go for greatness, you mad, mad queens.) MOST of us? Like bits that FIT.

You know... WITHOUT the Protagonist's so called "blood Gu". (Thanks! That's a HORRIFYING THOUGHT! Both on the "what do MEAN he, a non medically trained fuckboi, LITERALLY REARRANGED THEIR INSIDES?" lvl AND on the "WHAT DO YOU MEAN PARASITES IN THE BLOOD‽‽‽" lvl.)

So SI-OC? Rightfully? Wants Mr "All Women Are Belong To Me" NO WHERE near her. The fact that he's a demon? Irrelevant. The fact that he's an unrepentant MONSTER of a man? With a body horror dick? VERY relevant.

BEGONE XANXIA SATAN.

Leave her and her orifices the FUCK ALONE. You psychotic, sect murdering, realities destroying, selfish, narcissistic Fuckboi!

Not that she remembers much of the "cool motive, still murder" Phase of his life. Nor does she care, with how many people he fucks over. She wants to get far, FAR away from that mess. And more SPECIFICALLY? She wants to SURVIVE that mess. Which requires power.

She doesn't HAVE power.

But? She DOES have some Meta knowledge... and a shit ton of patience.

Cause after all, what is better then a protection talisman sewn onto a robe? Ten Thousand Protection Talismans sewn onto a robe, which is only ONE of a SET. And that? She can do.

To hell with pretty embroidery. Flowers and bamboo. Birds in flight. No, with Qi enhanced sight, and steady hands? The finest needle and the strongest, thinnest, thread? Script so tight and small it light grains of rice. Over and over and OVER. Each of her layers, holding thousands upon thousands of words. So small it's near impossible to read.

Which, of course, is to say nothing of the ribbons. Such long HAIR, after all! Only a FOOL wouldn't make USE of that space. Portioning out her head into hundreds of tiny braids, talisman written ribbons woven all the way down.

Every bit and piece of her clothing, a masterwork of steady repetition and patience. A fortress, built brick by brick. Not inconquerable. But strong enough, that even the heavens would strain.

Of course... only so long... as she's WEARING such armor.

Everyone must sleep eventually. Must bathe. You can not wear only one thing FOREVER. And that IS the difference between the strength you create and the strength you simply possess. One of them? Is always with you.

And like? Imagine it.

Big Sister. The penultimate Immovable Object facing off against Bingme's Unstoppable Force. Her DECADES of quite preparation unfurling like the waking of a slumbering GOD. All those traitors to the Sect. Women who BETRAYED their own. Betrayed their bothers and sisters, the CHILDREN they were supposed to guide and teach. For DICK. Having their attacks against her turned back against them.

Lethally.

As the remaining Peak Lords fight, a literal beacon of power. Of Safety. Sweeping through and grabbing survivors. Tossing them into a hidden realm she's literally wearing around her neck. Small but stable, her graduates work in progress. It's sparse in there. More bare earth and barely planted medical plants then anything. A few fruit trees.

But? It's beyond the reach of these invaders. And unless Luo Binghe kills her? Gets past her every defense and prys the anchor from her cold dead hands? Then they are safe. For now.

The sect may be lost. At least in terms of buildings, land. But it's PEOPLE? The important part? Not so long as she lives. The selfish dramas of demons and men are none of her concern. She has students, children, and the injured to protect.

And obviously, this makes her a target. She's shining like a God damn mini sun. It's not subtle. But the sect is burning, there's demons everywhere, she kinda expected that. At least she gets to kill a few of those traitorous "wives" on her way out.

(They betrayed their sisters. Their students. Their FRIENDS! This was their FUCKING HOME!! If they thought the Sect unforgivable? They should have LEFT. Not attacked as children fled for their lives. Cultivators are meant to kill monsters, not BECOME them.)

She takes them, her copies of as much of the libraries as she could manage on her own (it's not enough. Forgive her. She had to prioritize.) and heads for the border of the map. As fast as Cultivation can travel.

Did the Realms truely merge? Or did this portion collapse together? If they fly far enough, will they find the edge? And should it ALL have collapsed... he's not explored it yet. They have time to rebuild. Heal. Train and grow stronger..

All is not lost. Not yet.

Besides...

Who's to say that Fuckboi is the only Protagonist in this world? The only child of the Heavens? Maybe there are other gods. Maybe... maybe those gods are pissed. At the presumption. The arrogance. Maybe... just maybe, those gods will help. Who can say? It's never been done.

But is that not the duty of a righteous cultivator? To do what is right? To fight against monsters? What greater monster is there then this? The child not embraced by the village, will come to burn it down. But Luo Binghe? He has decided to burn the WORLD to ashes. And such madness must be stopped.

It doesn't matter how it began. They're gonna end it.

Together.

@mayfay @legitimatesatanspawn @spidori @babbling-babull @hdgnj @leftnotright

#MOOD #PIDM #PIDM SI-OC #pls pls pls #Aria just wants to make fucked up xanxia trasures in peace #like the spoon that makes everything taste like you third least favorites soup #or the shoes that make you speak exclusively in birdsong #leave her alooooooone #minji's writing

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fionnaskyborn · 2 months ago

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People like this have made me terrified that I am mischaracterizing my favorite character by playing into his strengths and emphasizing them so much... That I'm making things "too anime", "too over-the-top", and by doing that straying away from the groundedness that made the character compelling in the first place... But I think it's better to be a fan who loves someone so much they're willing to step into goofy over-the-top showcases of strength and morals out of love than being a fake fan who only ever rags on what they proclaim is so dear to them. I dunno. I don't think I'm wrong in saying that. I'm hella insecure when it comes to my own writing, especially with this guy because I want to do him as much justice as I possibly can as a writer. But I have to convince myself that it's not too much.

#logs #it doesn't help that i've been exposed to a lot of bad writing and cynical critique in general‚ so i'm even more fearful...#but i think the cure for that is to just... read more‚ and read with an honest heart #i don't know... i feel like i have a lot of growth to do as a person‚ as a reader and writer before i can execute this to the level where it #can truly be considered a masterpiece. grounded‚ yet not so. over-the-top in every way while also providing meaningful critique and #commentary on the nature of humanity. gutwrenching dialogue packed neatly with the most insane displays of asskicking. commentary on how war #is cruel and bad and only sows misery contrasted with the coolest battle scenes you have ever seen. these are the essence of the things i #love‚ and i want to be able to channel that through my own writing as well. it's the only way to do justice to the source material‚ the only #way to truly pay a tribute to the things that i love.#now that i am free‚ i can finally become more cultured... read more books‚ watch more films‚ inhale old mecha anime... it's what i've always #dreamed of doing #i just need to undo the mental shackles of ''i cannot do this right now''... i can. i finally can. i just need to let my mind catch up to #that. give it a little push along the way #once that's done... the journey begins.#i anguish a lot over the fact that my writing is locked in a tomb for the next decade... but sometimes‚ like now‚ i think‚ hey‚ maybe that #isn't so bad. imagine how many movies you can watch in those ten years... good movies‚ bad ones‚ exceptional ones... i'll have grown so much #as a writer by that point in time because i'll have learned the ''how'' part of what i want to write. i have the ''what'' already‚ and a #general idea of ''how''‚ but... ten years from now‚ i'll be able to write everything in a way that truly makes my eyes shine #a rare moment of me being hopeful for the future... i cherish it as those don't last very long in my life. i more often tend to despair #(cursed be the chemical disbalance!)#but yeah. there is a lot to look forward to despite the hardships. sure it would've been nice to just... have it all here‚ but... that's not #the world i live in. and maybe this one isn't so bad‚ either.#i have my box of scraps. now i just need to make it out of the cave.#the deadliest type of man is one with motivation and a purpose. right?

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raiiny-bay · 1 year ago

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updated my simself specifically to make this

#i've actually been wanting to do a render of me & the boys for a while #but i hate that kelly is taller than me #like. the audacity of him yk #but also i just can't find an accurate hair for myself #i'm just gonna have to learn how to make stuff bc kel & i both need proper curly hair #n e way. i had the urge to try my hand at animation again so. that's probably what i'll be doing in my free time for a bit #kel's birthday & the boys' 10 year anniversary is in april so i gotta plan something fun for that at some point #i realize that's still a couple of months away but #i have no idea what i want to do for either of those yet & i would really like to plan ahead #i'm not much of a plan ahead kind of person #rainyrambles #dl maybe

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sysig · 1 year ago

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Roleswap(?) (Patreon)

#Doodles #SCII #ZEX #The Captain #As easy as this would be for a Setup - y'know lol - this idea actually came from an angst perspective #I mean - initially it would be fun and fine! ZEX gets his wish of a human! Doesn't have those 20 years of waiting and pining #Building up the idea in his head until he becomes So desperate that anything short of perfection is- Well hmm ♪#I just keep getting stuck on the idea of that common trope of ''What made you like this?'' :/#Or worse yet ''Did someone do something to you to make you like this?''#An older human taking advantage of a brilliant young VUX! Are there no depths to which they won't sink!#Nevermind that no one would listen and he becomes a martyr yet again but this time not the scapegoat #''Oh poor traumatized ZEX he really never was the same after that'' ''It's so unfortunate but you can't blame him too much''#As if any of them actually knew him at all huah #Until he speaks just a little too loudly about how he Wanted this he Reciprocated and it becomes too much of a nuisance to sympathize #The angst I'm telling you #He's in a very unfair situation no matter what! Either way he's being looked down on #Anything to spin things to be humans' fault! Anything to sweep deviation under the rug!#I wonder if he'd even be able to fight humans if this was the flow of things - would he be emotionally detached enough?#Would he even be allowed to? Worry of instability or defection? Is it worse to be disinvolved in the War with a mind like his?#So many moving pieces that would shake out so differently from just one chance encounter at a different time!#He's so integral to so many things having happened the way they did hehe <3 He's very important!#I also like to imagine that even being younger he'd still err on the eloquent side hehe ♪ VUX upbringing! Fanciful ♫#His usual speech but just a little more hurried and nervous hehe <3 Complimenting his human's hair ♪

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deanofsam · 5 months ago

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just saw megalopolis and all i have to say: shia labeouf oscar when

#he was MADE for that role #he smashed it absolutely crushed it ate everyone up hands down #was that the worst movie i’ve ever seen? by far yes #but get that man an oscar #and hell give grace vanderwaal an oscar for soundtrack. her and her ukelele cannot be stopped #aubrey plaza no oscar just a handshake #adam driver a look of pity #everyone else…. tried their best #and of course for francis ford coppola: arrest him for crimes against my Eyeballs & for dedicating that monstrosity to his wife #like ok. do you hate your wife francis.#also .” we’ll name the baby either Sunny Hope OR Francis” is insane . why are those the two options #also WHAT!! the fuck!!!! was that in general!!#francis has not mastered the art of subtlety … no indeed #in case u didn’t know the bad guy was the bad guy he did have him stand on a tree trunk carved into a swastika👍🏼#and if u wanted to know what party the mob represents dw he had them wear red baseball caps and hold up signs that say #make new rome great again #and if someone has a nightmare he’ll be sure to have them wake up and describe the nightmare we also just saw #and if it was unclear what was meant by the statue of lady justice toppling over never fear!!#mr coppola will smoothly have a character narrate what has transpired : “there’s injustice everywhere …”#and yet despite all this!! i still have no idea what this movie was trying to say. much to think about and also nothing to think about #francis ford coppola #megalopolis #my post

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apatheticsunday · 13 days ago

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Dead Serious Arranged Marriage

AKA "Damian al Ghul and the High King of Infinite Realms, Space, and the Dead are married because of some ritual Ra's al Ghul did when Damian was a baby. The Batfam only find out because Damian casually mentions his husband and they're like?? WHAT???" prompt idea!!

Loosely inspired by this post where Billy Batson & Danny Fenton accidentally get married and Billy spills the beans in front of the JL.

I love the idea of Ra's al Ghul knows Danny because of the Lazarus Pit; maybe Ghost King!Danny came to Ra's and was like, "You know unsanctioned resurrection is forbidden, right? You have to submit an Undead Appeal form in the afterlife. I'm gonna have to confiscate your Goop." But Ra's is a master manipulator and gets Danny to agree to a truce... a marriage with his grandson in exchange for continued use of the Lazarus Pit. Don't ask me how it happened; Ra's "wins" either way because his grandson gets married to a High King and he gets to keep his Goop.

(Because Danny's young, okay? Logistically speaking, he's not going to outsmart an immortal cult leader. Maybe sometime down the road Danny gets tired of Ra's talking circles around him and just, like, punches him in the face or something. Makes "Redemption Arc" Dan take care of it. Who knows?)

But for now, Danny is now married to a literal baby. He's confused as hell how this happened. He's like, omg, am I a groomer now?? Am I one of those creepy ancient kings that get married to 12 year old girls?? What the fuckkkk!!! So, he runs to the Ghost Zone. Goes off-world, maybe he gets swept up in Ghost King duties and totally forgets about it. The thing about the Ghost Zone is that the time dilation is different: a couple of days/weeks/months in the Ghost Zone is actual years on Earth. That's why Danny is still so young despite depictions of him going centuries back (time is even messier because he can actually time travel, too, so there may be paintings of him during the Aztec civilization but only because he was there for maybe a week or two.)

This leads to everybody on Earth thinking he's an Ancient Being. Ra's is elated that his grandson, the heir of the League of Assassins, is married to the equivalent of a God (he doesn't know that 99 percent of the time, Danny's lounging on Sam's couch in sweats and eating cheese puffs, watching melodramatic reality TV with Tucker).

And Damian grows up hearing about this legendary marriage, how this Great Ancient Being is his husband, and is... maybe scared? A little angry, resentful? He's had the choice taken from him from before he could even conceptualize it. He was a kid growing up thinking this All Powerful Being was watching his every move, judging him for not being the best like his Grandfather says, and waiting. He trains harder, learns more, maturing faster than anyone his age. And he's still waiting. Because the High King doesn't show up. Not when Damian's four, six, ten, twelve, fourteen. Damian thinks maybe he's not good enough yet despite vastly outdoing even the most seasoned senior assassins in the League.

Danny comes back to Earth and is like, oh, shit, I need to check on my baby!!! Except when he drops in on the League of Assassins, he's met with an angry, resentful, offended Damian al Ghul who's the same age as him. And Damian's met with.... some guy?? What the hell?? This can't be the High King of Infinite Realms, Space, and the Dead, Ancient Being, etc. He's heard so many stories of his husband, spanning centuries of different culture and in varying dead languages.

Needless to say, their introduction doesn't go great. But Danny wants to explain himself and make amends, and Damian's just baffled enough to listen. ("What do you mean, the Undead Siege of The Great Wall wasn't you???" "Yeah, that was the previous Ghost King. I've never risen an army of the dead before.") But as they talk, Damian begrudgingly accepts that his husband is... actually pretty cool (despite the god-awful sweatpants). Danny's recounting his various tales, usurping the previous Ghost King, and Damian even starts to respect Danny.

So, they keep talking. Keep meeting, learning about each other, becoming friends, and eventually becoming more. Damian originally thought Danny was too stupid for words, but quickly realizes that he's a great strategist, knowledgeable about a vast amount of stuff, and is incredibly loyal. Danny thinks Damian's deadpan bluntness is hilarious, understands Damian's pathological need to be the best (courtesy of the Demon Head's traumatic teaching during childhood), and is almost single-mindedly, unconditionally loyal. He's also incredibly petty, which is also hilarious.

Maybe years pass and they're now lovers, Danny sticking around Earth because he's scared if he goes into the Ghost Zone, he'll unintendedly come back when Damian's 90 or something. So, Danny's there when Talia takes Damian aside and says, "Bruce Wayne is your father. I'd like you to train under him before you become the new Demon Head."

Damian goes and Danny follows. When he worries about Tim usurping the title of Heir, Danny's there to say, "You don't make friends by attacking them, Dami! He's your family, not your enemy." The whole "Damian trying to kill Tim" thing doesn't happen. When he worries about disappointing his Father, Danny's saying, "He's your dad. He missed your childhood so he wants to get to know you - just be yourself." Damian doesn't act violently, aggressively, or is offensively provocative; he's still petty, painfully blunt, and exasperatingly self-confident, but he's also honest and thoughtful.

Damian transitions into the Batfam easier with Danny beside him (invisible, only showing himself while in Damian's room or when they're alone). Because Danny wants his husband to feel accepted, appreciated, and get the unconditional love that he never received while living with the LoA.

Let's imagine several months go by and the Batfam are totally comfortable with Damian. He's truly like their annoying younger brother. So, they're at family dinner, maybe Dick is discussing his relationship with Barbara and Steph makes a comment about when are you going to propose already?? Tim and Jason are ribbing him about commitment issues (Bruce is suspiciously silent, likely knowing that if he says something, his kids are going to verbally tear him apart for his Situationship with Selina).

And Damian says, "Many feel apprehensive to marry. I was not, of course, but my husband was very trepidatious."

The whole Batfam are like... what?? What do you mean the youngest kid of the Wayne household is the first to be married?? (Aside from Alfred, who's since divorced.) Is this even legal???

But Damian just continues on, "Perhaps discussing the progression of your relationship with Miss Gordon would be beneficial. Marriage should be consensual." (Damian learned that from Danny, who had offered to null their marriage in the early days. It was a heated conversation, Danny feeling guilty because he'd trapped Damian into this relationship and Damian feeling betrayed because what do you mean you're leaving me? This is unacceptable! They shared their first kiss after realizing neither one wants to end the marriage.)

And the Batfam, as comfortable as they are with Damian, knows he's a little like a feral animal. He doesn't share things about himself often. They don't want to scare him off by prying, even if Bruce is gripping the table cloth, sweating, and is looking pale. Because his child is literally married and God, please don't let it be to one of those old assassins in the League, please. So, Dick just says, "Uh, yeah. That's - thanks, kiddo, that's... a good idea."

Damian continues to make occasional comments about his husband, but nobody knows who it is. He doesn't use Danny's name. And Danny has to leave to do Ghost Stuff (despite being terrified of losing track of time, but Damian's now living with a loving family so he's kind of okay with being dragged off for his Kingly Duties). So, nobody's ever actually seen Danny.

Until the Joker decides to make his mark on the newest addition of the Batfam. He's already killed one Robin, traumatized the hell out of another, and paralyzed Batgirl. He's eager to add another of the Batfam to his roster.

Joker nor the Batfam anticipate the High King of Infinite Realms, Space, and the Dead to straight up portal Joker's ass into Frostbite's territory (aside from Damian because he absolutely knew what was going to go down the second he saw a glowing green aura illuminate the warehouse). One minute Joker is threatening a civilian Damian, whos' still dressed in his Gotham Academy uniform, and the next he's being violently yanked into a massive swirling void of green.

And who steps out? Ghost King Danny, in full kingly attire, including a wreathy crown of white-hot, broadsword hung on his hip, and a skull mask over his face. The Batfam are scrambling to get Damian's chains unlocked and haul him away from whatever-the-fuck that is. They get Damian unlocked, but he just snaps for them to desist your hysteria, Richard, 'that' is my husband.

(Cue the very tense family dinner afterward. Danny's in Damian's sweater and ripped jeans but the Batfam are just squinting at him like, how is this the same as that Thing from the warehouse?? Danny's totally oblivious, holding Damian's hand and saying, "Mr. Wayne, I love your home! The painted ceiling in that one from on the second floor is amazing, the constellations are actually super accurate!" He forgot that the Batfam had no idea he's visited Damian literally hundreds of times since he moved into Wayne Manor. Bruce looks like he's gained several greys in the last hour.)

(Bonus points if at some point Damian can be seen lovingly feeding Cheetos to Eldritch Monster Danny and the Batfam are just like that's... definitely not pants-shittingly terrifying... Bruce tells himself he's just glad his son isn't married to an LoA member.)

#dpxdc #dp x dc #dead serious #danny fenton x damian wayne #danny phantom x damian wayne #batfam #danny fenton #danny phantom #damian wayne

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arolesbianism · 1 year ago

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Tiphereth suppression finally complete babeyyyy

#rat rambles #lisa my beloved <3 #her brother also exists ig.#I did it first try too which honestly is a relief it took forever idk how many times I could handle doing all that #which also means that the other two are now ready for their core suppressions which is both exiting and scary #exciting because it means that I can tell alruine to fuck off #scary because red mist boss fight 😔#I have no idea what to expect but tbh I rly cant be any more prepared than I already am #I have all the aleph gear not counting apocalypse bird and white night gear #and I have all the waw gear except for the one waw I havent gotten yet #in fact there's only 4 abnos I havent gotten yet I think and two of those are toold #I might stall a bit by memory repositing until I get those out of the way but I also might not idk #what I am starting to have to think abt tho is the two side bosses I previously mentioned #I do think apocalypse bird might be doable for me rn but white knight is a more tricky story #mostly because quite frankly I dont have 12 employees available to sacrifice to start the fight #I can obviously just make some new throaway guys but still #now setting up apocalypse bird would also be annoying since I currently only have judgement bird in my facility #rly Im just not sure which of my guys can or cant handle either boss #cause I do need the manpower but I also just am not confident that most of the gear my guys have will do them much good #now one thing that may be kind of pointless but I still wanna do is get silent orchestras ego gift on one of my guys #because god damn is that a powerful buff even if white damage isnt that common outside of anbno breaches #it would be fun in the sense that thatd make my girl able to solo any abnos that deal white damage #again its good dont get me wrong its just definitely smth that isnt as widly applicable as youd think #but yeah ideally I dont wanna do another day one reset and I rly do think this could be the run #the only reason I reset my first one rly was because I had gotten bored grinding for gear and also just wanted to finish my abno info #collection easier since there was a shit load of low level abnos I was missing #now the only ''''low level'''' abno Im missing is plague doctor for well. obvious reasons.#so yeah I should be pretty good and done with my info gathering within a session or two #tbh I dont even know what the wellfare meltdown looks like but Im much less scared of it than the boss fights I have up ahead #stinky b is also going to be tricky but Im hoping it wont be too bad

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jiminrings · 3 months ago

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mature

pairing: jungkook x reader

wordcount: 8k

glimpse: the good thing about professing your feelings to jungkook is that it'd be over with, whether or not he likes you back — the bad thing is that he rejects you, even if you haven't confessed.

alternatively, crushing on jungkook who's in your friend group is, has, and will never be a good idea.

[ push n pull fic YIPPPEEEEE, fluff, angst, So Much Yearning, friends to lovers trope, jealousy, dunking on a stewpid jk (as one does), arguments that kinda hit home, redemption!! ]

notes: WE R SO BACK!!!! thank u for waiting 🫂🤍

as always, lmk what you think <3 send in feedback n love to my askbox anytime!!

You will never tell Jungkook how desperately you want to be loved.

In your defense (much to Jungkook’s offence), you want to be loved as desperately as he acts on an everyday basis. He’s not pathetic in the sense that he’s hopeless, but rather pathetic in the light that you want the entirety of him (stubbornness and occasional dimness included) to rub off on you.

You want to be loved pathetically in the same way that Jungkook never computes his expenses when it comes to self-indulgence yet always calculates when it comes to actual requirements. You want to be loved as wholly by the guy who can get by one DIY dorm dinner at a time by asking for scraps from the whole floor with a grin and his hands cupped in begging.

Jungkook’s one of your friends, if not the best you’ve ever had, and it’s a miracle that you haven’t jumped at each and every available chance to confess your growing feelings for him.

You bit your tongue that one time he bought you "one of those silly blind boxes you like" on a whim from a bookstore he only went inside to in the first place because he was dying outside in the heat, only to open it for you with your eyes closed and earn you an extra rare figure.

You had to physically restrain yourself (read: clasp your hands together in front of you) when Jungkook made you swap your counterfeit, barely-holding-on kitten heels for his trustworthy slides on the way home because your research presentation prior had you pacing nervously.

Every time that he gives you your tax of whatever he ordered (which always ends up being the best variant that your friend group could possibly order for a meal or a sweet treat), you have to etch into your head clearly, with ballpoint pen, that you will never tell Jungkook how desperately you want him to love you.

Every time that he gives you a one-on-one friend outing, just as he does with everyone else from your circle of ten people and counting (you lost count because you figure that all of you are about to outgrow the long table in the library that nobody else could fill), you convince yourself to never tell him how much you want it to be just you.

You figure that you’ll tell Jungkook that you do hold a candle for him, despite not detailing the extent, in this lifetime— maybe even the next time you get a moment alone with him, but you figure you won’t do it now; now, when he’s berating you for just a tiny sacrifice you made that’s minuscule for everything he does for you and everyone else.

“You’re impossible!” he huffs, his annoyance for you being loud enough to stop his faux display of studying and gather attention from everyone else in the library who actually is. Jungkook holds up his phone for you to read, brows scrunched at your look of amusement. “Jimin told me you were lactose intolerant!”

You can’t figure how and why Jungkook and Jimin’s conversation even flitted towards you when you recall clearly that the lactose-filled meal in question was from two weeks ago. You don’t question it because you already know that even giving it a second thought would already be too pompous of you, and you don’t question either why Jungkook looks too devastated at the realization.

“I just tolerated it,” you snort, burying your nose back into your notes, missing the flash of regret in Jungkook’s features.

He doesn’t know whether he’d feel more sorry over the fact that he didn’t know you were lactose intolerant, or that you didn’t speak up at all to preserve his excitement over eating at the restaurant he wanted to try out.

“But why would you?” he sulks, completely foregoing the textbook he has opened on the same page for the last hour.

You know exactly why you did, but you’d rather not tell Jungkook now.

You’ll tell him some other time, that much you’re sure of, but not now — not now when he’s too devastated over your tummy issues, and not now when he’s just one revelation away from chewing you out over something he has to learn from someone else.

“Your broke ass bought it so I had to,” you murmur, rolling your eyes as you rest your chin on the palm of your hand.

“Foul,” Jungkook immediately chuckles, shaking his head at your retort even if he knows you’re just kidding around (he knows you won’t hurt him like that that), finally opening his laptop.

Jungkook, your friend, finally types on his laptop, yet it’s not for the contribution that he badly needs to put in for a group project.

Instead, he opens up the Google Doc and writes in a bullet point underneath your name, the words do not give cheese acquainted with three exclamation points — along with your name, is the names of your mutual friends and Jungkook’s observations that would come in handy for an outing, a gift, or both.

Jungkook’s that good of a friend, and that’s why you’ll never tell him how desperately you want to be loved by him.

( ♡ )

Getting gifts for someone who has a credit card and has no inhibitions when it comes to buying whatever they want is a difficult task.

Getting Jungkook for Secret Santa this year is even harder than the last, and that was when Jin snuck five strips of his name and left more than five of you (you don’t even know how that happened) without gifts, all while he was laughing to himself after he successfully gaslit everyone into thinking that they were all drunk and made the mistake themselves.

You don’t know what to give Jungkook that he doesn’t already have. He doesn’t have a girlfriend the last time you checked and while you can’t exactly wrap yourself in ugly, recycled kraft paper (as opposed to Jimin’s dumb, all-knowing-about-your-hidden-feelings suggestion), you’d rather not drive Jungkook away, even if you don’t know either how to drive him in.

You don’t have the slightest clue to what his ‘surprise me ;)’ scribble underneath his name means and it makes you feel guilty, far more than he ever could have after Jimin’s revelation of your dietary restrictions.

It’s not the dilemma of who would sit next to who in the large albeit crowded dining table in the cabin that you rented out, nor is it the cooking and wrapping duties that each of you are tasked with that stresses you out this holiday season.

You wish so badly that the largest champagne problem you have at the moment was wondering if your Christmas gift for your nitpicky mom and nonchalant dad back at home arrived in time. You pray that your biggest hurdle is either convincing Namjoon that his room is just cold and not haunted, or breaking off a fight between Eunwoo and Soomin because they keep fighting over whose overpriced film camera will be used for the picture by the tree, or even talking Mingyu down from smacking Jin in his sleep.

The largest champagne problem that you have, even if it’s actually between life and living said life in peace without minding your inevitable heartbreak, is worrying about Jungkook’s gift.

You hold your breath as soon as Hoseok gathers everyone into the living room, your nerves probably getting the best of you because you hear Jungkook hollering to whoever’s closest to the thermostat to adjust it because your teeth kept chattering.

You have nothing to be nervous about, you convince yourself as Jungkook steps up into the middle and awaits with wide arms, your best friend being another victim of assuming that the comically large wrapped present is his (it’s not).

Jungkook doesn’t have any expectations for you to meet, you convince yourself as he becomes even more hyper when he learns that it’s you, so much so that he takes a lap around the backyard with his hands clapping furiously.

You can’t love Jungkook any more than you do now, you realize as you see Jungkook throw his head back in glee when he opens up your gift.

It’s only a Himalayan salt lamp. It’s only a lamp that you didn’t buy for so much. It’s only a thing that Jungkook said to you in passing one time, yet he’s beyond grateful — enough for him to carry you in his arms and take another lap around the backyard.

“God, you love me soooo bad,” he lulls, teasing you mercilessly as he unceremoniously drops you so he could adore the lamp up close. “I always wanted to lick one!”

“You’re so stupid,” you mutter, rolling your eyes at his excitement over something so simple; something so insignificant in the world of thoughtful, expensive gifts.

You affectionately think that Jungkook’s stupid, yet you can’t tear your eyes away from him.

“I didn’t hear a no,” Jungkook hums with his tongue out, eyes wide and flickering between you and the lamp. “Should I do it? Should I? I’m doing-…!”

You put a spoonful of cake into his mouth instead, the whine that escapes his throat still sounding like gratefulness to your ears.

Tonight’s not the night wherein you tell Jungkook how badly you want to be loved by him — not when he’s so preoccupied with his new salt lamp that he keeps daring people to take a lick of, not when he’s the one who’s being convinced that there’s a ghost in Namjoon's room and being bullied into sleeping in.

Not when Jungkook’s being the perfect, lovable friend that he is during the holidays and every other day.

( ♡ )

You’re well-aware that Jungkook’s a catch.

You know that he’s a catch and he’ll never live it down, and neither can you.

You’re very painfully aware that Jungkook’s a catch because you’re reminded of it every single day whenever you’re with your friends. You know that atleast two of them were integrated into the group in the first place because they liked Jungkook, and that doesn’t really bother you (more than it should, atleast) anymore.

Sora’s crush formed out of boredom on Jungkook disappeared as soon as she got a boyfriend, but you understand why her gaze lingered on him in the first place.

Eunji’s crush on Jungkook already dissipated the moment she learned about his GPA, but you get why she had been attracted to his charm anyway.

You know that he’s a catch and that he’s not solely yours either, and the latter makes you humble.

“There’s flowers on your desk again,” you point out, the arrangement irking you for more reasons than one. “Why do you have to be so popular and handsome.. and lovable,” you mumble, the tail end of your mini rant barely being heard by Jungkook because he's too busy admiring his gift.

“What’s that now?” Jin piped up, eyebrows furrowed upon picking up your angry muttering. He's beyond confused, maybe just as much as you are, when you just snarl at him for his unintentional use of supersonic hearing.

“And why do I have to sit next to you even if I have allergies,” you redirect your attention to Jungkook who has to sweep the flowers to a beaten-up paper bag for safekeeping, the item in his backpack being the most used object for all of the admiration towards him.

“Because you’re the best-est friend ever,” he rolls his eyes, the faux pout on his lips surprisingly softening you instead of the opposite. “And maybe I’m the worst-est one to keep putting you through this.”

“You sound so stupid,” you reply automatically, crossing your arms and keeping them there. “But you’re right,” you exhale through your nose, conceding your defeat over willingly letting him put you through this, carrying the blame by yourself.

Jungkook doesn’t only act like this with you anyway. There’s no special treatment, there’s no false hopes being promised — it’s just you genuinely happening to fall for him.

“Come on, just tolerate it! Pinch your nose or something!”

“Why should I? Find another seatmate,” you sulk, making a point to angle your back away from him and towards Jin who’s at your right, doing his best at holding in a laugh over how ridiculous the both of you look.

“Obviously you’re the one with the latest phone so you have to take pictures of me with the flowers!” Jungkook whines, punctuating his sentence with a hand on his hip. He’s sulking because you’re sulking, and you’ve never hated him more at the moment. “Why else would I force you to sit with me?”

Jungkook’s stupid, and so are you, so you’d rather not tell him how desperately you want to be loved by him today.

( ♡ )

In all fairness, you thought you would lose nothing.

You thought you would lose nothing because in the first place, you barely expected anything out of Jungkook. Liking him didn’t mean that you were indebted to him, and liking you back isn’t something that he owed to you either.

You weren’t expecting Jungkook to fall on his knees and say something stupid to hint at his mutual love for you (although you did think about it a couple of times), but you atleast expected a little bit of respect from him to try and see the strength it took you to even confess.

You planned it perfectly, even taking a page off his book and making a whole word document for it wherein you spent days typing whatever crossed your mind throughout the day and erasing what seemed the most impossible throughout the night.

In your word document, you and Jungkook would be out in the snow, skating in an outdoor rink even if neither of you know how to. You figure that you won’t attempt to drag (read: hobble with) him to the middle of the ice because in case he doesn’t like you back, the waddle back to the exit wouldn’t be as awkward; if Jungkook does like you back, you’ll still be hobbling to the exit, albeit happily.

In your word document, there’s a spine of a script that you would say when the day comes. You’ll skim along the lines of how you’ve never been so enamored with someone in your entire life (with the internal note that you’ll dial it back a bit if his expression turns sour), of how bright he makes your days for you, and how he doesn’t have to be obligated to like you back.

In your word document, you’re set. You’ve planned a foolproof blueprint of what would turn out, whether or not Jungkook is set on loving you the way you desperately want to be —

Except now, Jungkook completely undoes everything you’ve ever worked for.

Now, he looks at you with a glint in his eye that looks more apologetic than it is endearing. You don’t even know what led to your heartbreak exactly because one minute, you were just studying, and by the next, Jungkook’s already letting you down even if you haven't had the chance to rise.

You swear on your life that you weren’t giving any signals at all that you were actually about to confess. You were only silent, refusing to talk to him because you were too stressed over your task and that you were scared you would burst into tears if you tried mouthing the formula out loud, yet Jungkook mistakes it for your love.

Whatever you do on a daily basis, whatever you do based on your nature, Jungkook mistakes it for a confession that he wasn’t even supposed to hear until the end of the week.

He wasn’t wrong about the fact that you love him — what he’s wrong about is his assumption that your silence around him when it’s just the two of you, right now while you lose your mind over an assignment as you’re dressed in last week’s sweater and last semester’s horror, is your confession.

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” Jungkook winces, gently patting you on the shoulder as you’re yet to digest his rejection. “But I just don’t think we’ll work out.”

( ♡ )

You theorized that getting over Jungkook would be fairly easy on the chance that he rejects you after your confession.

You figure that Jungkook himself as a concept would be drastically difficult to move on from because he was just so lovable. He doesn’t know how to read a room and it’s one of his better quirks when you’re worrying over nothing. He doesn’t know much about knowing when to let up, and it comes in clutch when he’s pushing you to wholeheartedly do an assignment even if you’re already burnt out from crying.

Jungkook, as a concept, is indestructible. He’s the everyday variant of the goodness that some frat guys possess occasionally. He’s the realistic, attainable version of a main lead in a manhwa that’s only perfect 1/4 into the plot.

He’s the manifestation of every good deed a stranger has done for you, except he’s someone you know with your heart and not just someone you could sketch from memory.

With that, you also figured that moving on from Jungkook can’t be that hard because he was too out of reach despite being in the same friend group as you. Surely, it wouldn’t be so catastrophically hard to move on from a guy who just gasps for air every five minutes when he’s in charge of cooking in the BBQ hangout (instead of using the exhaust like a normal person), or from a guy who thinks citing references for a paper is only a suggestion.

The funny thing about it all is that you never actually confessed to Jungkook.

Actually (and contrary to the assumptions of the other friends you have from your circle), you’ve never said it to his face that you do have a crush on him. You’re ultimately known to be the friendliest person to ever walk the campus, and while not the most confrontational, they atleast expected for you to confess to Jungkook in your own way.

What actually happened was that Jungkook read through you — he does happen to be right about your feelings for him! He’s the second friendliest person right beneath you, and so the way he rejected you should never sting this much.

Jungkook thought it out meticulously. He read into the way you spent extra attention listening to him with your eyes practically gleaming. He read into the way you’d lag back behind him and hold him by his wrist whenever you were all crossing the street. Hell, he even read into the way you would take a shot at opening the extremely tight water bottle from the vending machine before everyone else.

The funny, tragic thing about it is that whilst Jungkook wasn’t wrong about pinpointing your feelings for him — you never confessed.

Jeon Jungkook, the second, ultimate friendliest man that your university has ever known, rejected you without even hearing the actual words from you.

He’s turned his back on you even before you could reach him, and the realization sinks in you unsettlingly. You never expected for him to like you back because it would be unfair of you, and you knew that; what just happened to hurt you most was that Jungkook didn’t even think twice.

He hadn’t given you the chance to pour your heart out at the very least.

He hadn’t even given you the space to breathe right after the rejection, because he skips and puts a smile on before winking, telling you that he’ll never speak of it again because you must probably be embarrassed.

The funniest thing about it all is that you aren’t embarrassed — you’re actually devastated about it.

It’s an odd event for Jungkook to feel lonely because with such a big friend group, he never thought he’d feel a little empty despite literally rubbing elbows in a circular table. He never thought he’d come to be a little annoyed at Jimin and his routine, playful, borderline offensive banter he’d always have with you at the top of the morning, and he never thought he’d even be more annoyed over the absence of it.

There’s one less laugh in the circle. One less bag strewn underneath the table, one less coffee order written on the notes app, and one less person to look for when hanging out.

You’re missing from the friend group, and oddly enough, Jungkook seems to be the most devastated about it.

“Why is Y/N not here?” he asks in the middle of Jin retelling his drunken fishing story, grabbing the attention of everyone in the table and maybe just about everyone else’s in the common area with the way his voice is frantic. “And why is she there with the new kid instead?”

Everyone flits through separate conversations after Jungkook’s interruption, some even wincing to themselves because although they know about your admiration for the guy and not your confession-that-wasn’t-one, they figure that nothing good could come out of Jungkook sucker-punching the new kid in his head.

“I don’t know, man. Buddy system, maybe?” Jin shrugs, stealing his food because it was obvious that Jungkook’s attention is everywhere but himself and the table.

Jungkook snorts, crossing his arms tightly to the point that even he feels a little suffocated. His entire face is crumpled with hurt, eyebrows furrowed out of frustration when you still aren’t looking at him; when you’re still not looking at him with confusion in your eyes, silently telling him off for glaring.

“Buddy system? We’re in uni. Who the fuck would bully that guy?”

“By the looks of it, probably you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he huffs, refusing to unclench his fists on his thighs.

“Well, what’s it to you that Y/N’s hanging out with someone new? What are you so heated for?” Jin elaborates, eyes flitting to you again.

Jungkook could only glare at you.

“What are you so nosy for?” he asks defensively, leaning back on his chair in a faux display of relaxation when all he wants to do is to remove the stupid smile on the guy’s face as he watches you talk.

Unlike Jungkook, Yoongi’s not stupid at all — in fact, he’s been vigilantly aware of Jungkook’s glare on the side of his face ever since you sat in front of him.

Yoongi’s not stupid, so he angles himself in a way that Jungkook gets to see him more. He doesn’t know the guy personally, but he does know of him and his “charm” that seems to make everyone go nuts for him.

If looks could kill, then Yoongi would’ve already had mourners at his feet, but if provocation could poison, then Jungkook would already be frothing at the mouth.

The thing is, Yoongi doesn’t even know about your admiration nor your foiled confession to Jungkook. The latter hasn’t even done anything personally to him.

All he knows is that you’re in a big friend group and that you chose to sit with him, your friend whom you share a couple of advanced classes with but not a friend-friend like Jungkook is, and that you’re very easy on the eyes and admirable yourself if he thinks about it (he doesn’t need much time to ponder over it) — and, that he doesn’t really like being glared at.

“No really, I insist!” he laughs, pulling out a handwritten reviewer from his backpack with a grin. “I don’t know anybody else who likes making reviewers anymore by hand, so really, you’re just perfect to get them.”

“But you worked so hard on them,” you gasp, eyes already widening in both surprise and awe at the thick stack of papers in front of you. Yoongi’s handwriting and formatting are perfect; there’s no unnecessary calligraphy, the vividness of the highlighter is just right, and there’s even sticky notes at the bottom for additional details and references you could cross-check. “I.. I don’t want you to feel that I’m taking advantage-…”

“But I offered! You didn’t ask for reviewers from me shamelessly like every other opportunist does,” Yoongi laughs, throwing his head back as he slides the papers closer to you. “I’d be a really shitty senior not to give you any help. If anything, I think you deserve even better than-…”

Jungkook can’t resist.

Jungkook can’t take any more of watching you and Yoongi push and pull over whatever topic he can’t hear nor force Jin to eavesdrop on. He can’t take another second of seeing you be so happy talking to a guy that he doesn’t know, so much so that he comes up to you without a second thought.

“Hey,” he greets, his body only turned to you, completely ignoring Yoongi and blocking him off from your sight. “You didn’t order any coffee.”

You angle your body slightly to excuse yourself, except Jungkook conveniently happens to mirror your every move, confusing you even more. “Oh, I wasn’t feeling like it,” you trail, looking up at him in confusion while Yoongi could see right through him.

“Really?” Jungkook replies, the smile on his face being far from amused, eyes narrowed as he tries to catch up with the own annoyance that he harbors. “Because I’m seeing two coffees right now, and one’s in front of you, so…” he trails, shrugging his shoulders exaggeratedly.

Jungkook’s jaw is still clenched, along with his fists by his sides. He’s standing tall between you and Yoongi with his shoulders squared and his face steeled, the immovable forces that are him and the unnamed pit in his stomach starting to garner attention.

Namjoon has his phone out.

Hoseok only has one cheek remaining on the seat because he’s ready to stand up and collect bets.

You’re still sitting, mostly confused, when you realize the attention that’s starting to build towards the three of you.

“Yes, Jungkook. Great observation,” you snicker, the discreet roll of your eyes making him take offense.

“Oh okay, I see. So you were lying by saying that you weren’t feeling it, and I don’t get the hold-up of you-…”

“What did you come here for now, Jungkook?” you angrily whisper, keeping your head down as you retain your gaze on him and lightly tap at the table to indicate to Yoongi for the both of you to move. “It’s a little far-fetched for you to come all over here to pick a fight about coffee.”

Jungkook huffs, turning his head back to Yoongi behind him because he most definitely saw your signal. The lazy, amused gaze of Yoongi is what sets him off even further, the anger in his eyes unmistakable, except you recognize it for only what it is and not jealousy, because Jungkook doesn’t see you like that.

Or atleast that’s what the both of you assume.

Jungkook, your best friend, scoffs loudly.

“You sound so defensive right now.”

( ♡ )

You don’t respond much to Jungkook’s calls.

As a matter of fact, you don’t respond much to Jungkook at all.

You don’t show up whenever he’s present, meaning that you’re only magically available whenever there’s half of your friend group at the most because if there’s more, then the search for the missing members would ensue, then you’d end up squished in a long table next to Jungkook again.

It’s very much like him to form grudges, yet he can’t even tell if he’s capable of having one towards you. Jungkook, with all his chest and afflictions, wants so badly to hate you because you’ve been blowing him off ever since he literally and physically came between you and Yoongi.

He apologized to you for that (and not to Yoongi because he didn’t really matter to him at all), and he doesn’t know the answer for it yet because his messages still remain unread. He’s enlisted the help of your mutual friends on various occasions by trying to get them to give all his little treats for you, yet you refuse them as soon as you catch wind that it’s from Jungkook.

He even tried studying for real in the library in hopes that reverse psychology (he thinks that’s what it’s called) would work and that thinking he doesn’t want you to come would make you do the opposite, yet it still doesn’t work. Jungkook’s already mad that he studied for nothing (he’s more interested in getting you to notice him than to actually learn), but he becomes even more heated to realize that your anger for him is just directed at him alone.

You still talk to your best friends, with the exception of him, and Jungkook has never been more envious of people who are apparently of the same status as him.

Jungkook wants you to drag him like you drag Sora to the nail salon and have you whisper at his ear to tell the nail tech not to cut your cuticles because you’ve been afraid of getting them done since that 1/34th part of a medical drama episode you watched on your phone.

Jungkook wants you to complain to him like you complain to Namjoon when you’re frustrated with a professor whom you’re convinced is only critical to you and no one else, later making him promise not to tell anyone else from your friend group because they like said professor.

Jungkook wants you to run to him as you always did, just because you feel like it. He wants to sit in silence with you again and put his hand on your knee when you’re in the verge of tears just looking at your schedule for the week.

He wants to stand guard again outside the bathroom door of the expensive coffee shop because it’s either the lock is broken or because Namjoon's managed to instill in you the existence of ghosts in cold spots.

He wants to be the Jungkook like you’ve always known, again, because it seems like you’ve forgotten him completely. You have the Yoongi now, it seems like — the smarter, more composed, and more charismatic variant of him that he wants to get rid of because Jungkook never predicted the existence of him.

Even more, Jungkook didn’t even entertain the concept of him being replaced because it was always the two of you together, even in a sea of friends.

He’s your best friend, your confidant even, but nothing more — all Jungkook feels is that he’s even less than the status the both of you are assigned to be.

He’s angry and sad and disappointed all at the same time because he thought he had almost lost you since he rejected your confession. You were fine; you were as fine as you could be for someone rejected when it comes to yearning to be his, and yet the moment you let Yoongi in, Jungkook feels as if you threw everything the both of you had just for him.

“Just so you know, student-teacher relationships are illegal,” he corners you one morning in your dorm, two godforsaken weeks after chasing you around the campus yet turning up empty.

“What the fuck are you on about?” you immediately scrunch your nose at him, the accusation he throws at you being too farfetched to the point that you don’t even think of shutting the door at him, ignoring Eunji’s betrayal for you by pretending to come over.

“What am I on about?” Jungkook exasperates, the scoff that leaves him making you feel small in front of him. “You’re literally the one who’s getting chummy with fucking Yoongi of all people!"

"Yoongi's a teaching assistant! He's our senior! Do you not know that?"

"Do I look like I'm interested in any other people outside of our circle?" he retorts, lips turned up in a snarl. Jungkook provokes you with a sarcastic glare, the look on his face enough to make you throw your head back in irritation.

"Come on, even Jin and Jimin are friends with Yoongi and-..."

"This is not about them!"

"But you just-..." you stop as soon Jungkook interrupts you, losing your gaze on him for a single second to close your door and when you look back, you find that he’s already comfortable being vindictive on your bed, his arms crossed and his back straight.

"Also, teacher and teaching assistant both have the word teach so it's literally still illegal," he narrows his eyes sarcastically, the tone to his voice unclear despite his words suggesting otherwise. "You look so stupid right now."

"Jungkook can you stop?!" you burst, your temples stinging at the back and forth that Jungkook’s thrown the both of you in. “What the hell is going on with you?"

Jungkook had sworn to himself up and down that he has so much stuff to pick with you. He knows he has so much baggage to unpack and how much shit he has to bring up, even if it’s only been two weeks with you. He’s partly relieved that you’re in front of him and you still haven’t fled, yet a large part of him is beyond frustrated with you because you don’t even look like as if your time apart has taken a toll on you.

Between the two of you, it’s only Jungkook who looks like his distraught has manned him completely beyond surrender. Even coming to see you by hatching a plan with a hesitant friend is something he considers an act beyond surrender — whatever the space is between surrender and demand is where Jungkook lies with you.

"No, what's going on with you!” he argues, standing to his feet to come face-to-face with you. “You can't just spin this around when I've done nothing but be a good friend to you!"

"You think I'm not being a good friend to you just because I don't spend every single minute attached to you? I can still hang out outside of our friend group without being-..."

"This is not about our friend group!" Jungkook emphasizes once again, the tell-tale sting of tears behind his eyes coming up because he feels as if you can’t hear him no matter how much he repeats himself. ”This is about us and how you abandoned me ever since I rejected you!"

"I didn't abandon you, Jungkook!" you spit, pushing at his chest lightly with your finger to get him to back up from your face yet he refuses to. He’s still insistent at staring you down with his jaw clenched, eyes wide and unblinking because he knows that if he moves even just a millimeter askew, he’d cry. “You didn't even give me the chance to confess to you! You rejected me without even hearing me out. Do you think I would still be able to talk to you, face to face like how you want so badly, as if nothing happened?"

"The answer would've been the same even if you confessed,” he grits with his chest heavy, not at the way he keeps holding his breath in order not to break down in front of you, but because you look at him with so much disdain that it makes him want to puke.

"Do you not think I know that?" you laugh humorlessly, gnawing on your bottom lip as you don’t drop his gaze. “Do you think I didn't prepare for that possibility? I knew what could've happened if I confessed and I'd still be okay with it, Jungkook!" you raise your voice, throat already giving out at the slightest pressure because you know you lost the fight ever since you let him in. "What I'm not okay with is that you didn't even give me the chance.”

It’s evil, really, with the way no amount of self-pity could ever pull you from the grave you’ve dug up. You went for Jungkook, carrying all grief you knew you were bound to feel, and yet you still feel unprepared. You still feel unworthy even moping for someone like Jungkook because not even his rejection, nor anyone else’s acceptance of your admiration by some sort of miracle, is enough to make you feel like you’d be missed.

Your two weeks without Jungkook is your rehearsal for the two months, then two years, then two forevers eventually without him by your side. You had still been able to live by yourself and with your friends, excluding him, and you thought you were fine because it feels as if nothing had changed.

You thought you were fine until Jungkook gets in your face to tell you that it’s not, and all over again, you’re reminded of how desperately you want to be loved by him to the point that you’d rather drown in your own pity to try and preserve whatever’s left of you.

"I told you the answer would-..."

"Shut up!" you cry, steeling your nerves when you realize that Jungkook’s angrily crying in front of you, wiping at his eyes hastily. ”For the love of god, shut up!"

Jungkook stays quiet, not because you told him to, but because nothing good comes to mind when he realizes that you’re crying because of him.

"See? You don't even get where I'm coming from because you're not even giving me the chance to explain myself without making it all about you,” you sob, finally pushing him away, to which he lets you. "That's the problem with you, Jungkook. You're too self-involved."

"Not true," Jungkook whispers, shaking his head earnestly even if he feels the stupidest he has ever did in his life in front of you.

He follows your steps out of routine even if his brain had convinced his system that he hates you just seconds ago, arms instinctively trying to crowd you when you almost trip on the flooring on your way to the coat rack.

"Since you keep insisting that I abandoned you," you chuckle dryly before grabbing your jacket, turning your back on Jungkook and on your own space, which had just been the default hangout place of the both of you for the longest time, in pursuit of your own quiet without him. "Let me follow through."

Jungkook doesn’t want to tell you how desperately he wants you to want him again, to love him as you already did, and neither do you.

( ♡ )

The perks of having a big friend group is that the absence of several members wouldn’t make that much of a difference when it comes to hanging out. It would still sustain itself without a few extra voices joining in on the chatter watching movies and the bullying when it comes to a forgotten birthday greeting here and there.

The downside of being in one, is that said big friend group doesn’t matter at all to Jungkook when you’re not in it.

The lengths that your friend (read: a word that Jungkook’s come to abhor) has went through since your fight at your dorm are basically incomprehensible because he’s fully involved himself.

He’s pining after you pathetically, just like how you had always dreamed of, yet seeing him take turn after turn just trying to gain your forgiveness for something you’ve always pitied yourself for makes you feel guilty.

In Jungkook’s defense, he wants to be forgiven and loved (again) as desperately as he acts on an everyday basis. Not only is he pathetic in the sense that he’s hopeless, but also pathetic in the light that he wants the entirety of you (stubbornness and occasional sharpness included) to rub off on him.

“I know I’m stupid. I-I.. I know that I was unfair for not even letting you confess your feelings because I felt like dying when you started to ignore me,” he mumbles to your bedsheets, his legs crossed on the ground and his head muffled by the fabric because he doesn’t even want to sit next to you in fear of you revoking his chance to apologize in person, again, as if that’s not what he had been doing the past weeks. “Y/N, you don’t deserve someone as stupid as me and I hate it so, so bad.”

The sound of Jungkook apologizing to you has already been repeated enough to the point you’ve learned when to tune him out, but with the way his heart precedes his tone this time, you stop folding your clothes in favor of Jungkook who’s just two seconds away from passing out on your bed by fabric conditioner-bathed quilt-induced suffocation, to which he couldn’t pass up on because it was your scent and he missed hugging you.

“I can’t catch up with you on anything that you’re talking about with Yoongi. The only times I open a book are when I want to look at you but I don’t want you to see me. I can’t— I can barely even talk to you without feeling like I’m beneath you,” he admits lowly, the truth of his rejection finally springing up a little too much, and almost a little too late. “I thought, stupidly, that we wouldn’t work because you deserve someone better.”

“I don’t need you to catch up with me, Jungkook,” you murmur, lightly slapping his cheeks because he looks sleepy from all the sniffing he’s done on your quilt, but really, his eyes are only narrowed into slits because he feels like he’s about to cry. Again.

“But I need to, b-because when we run out of things to talk about that you’re willingly to dumb down to my level, what else could we catch up on?”

“You’re not stupid. I just say-…”

“No. Don’t make excuses for me,” he laughs lightly, still sat on your carpet obediently like a dog because he doesn’t want to push your boundaries. “I’m beneath you and I didn’t want to drag you down with me because I.. I didn’t feel that you deserve me,” he confesses. “But I want you so badly, Y/N. You have no idea.”

Jungkook wants you so badly, that in your insistence of self-pity, it was his self-preservation that led him to cry by himself when you finally left the library after not-confessing to him.

He wants you so badly, that in his fit of self-preservation disguised into stubbornness, he had tamped down his desperation for you.

“I want to catch up with you, not you to slow down for me,” Jungkook rests his chin on your thigh, his wide, pleading eyes looking up at you. “I’m so sorry, my baby. I’m so, so, so sorry for being stupid enough to let you go the first time,” he tilts his head, resting his cheek on your awaiting hand. “Please. I’m just begging you to slow down for me this one time,” Jungkook swallows the lump in his throat, nudging your hand gently with his cheek. “Please let me look stupid trying to earn you.”

Jungkook, without fail, tells you how desperately he wants to be loved by you.

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lovegasmic · 6 months ago

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OO1 𖤐 KINTOBER ; CORRUPTION

toji, sukuna, satoru x f!reader ꒰ tw. manipulation leaning to dub con, age gap ꒱ taglist in the comments.

𖤐 Megumi’s cute little friend from college who has the hots for Toji, but she’s just too shy and inexperienced to make the first move.

“Megumi and I? no, we’re just friends” is what you had said hours ago, when you so cutely arrived at his doorstep, with bitten lips and a notebook Megumi apparently forgot back at the lecture hall.

and Toji is not dumb not to notice the looks you give him, but it’s not sex all you want, or else you would have jumped on him on the spot, no, you’re a lot more innocent and naive, tugging on your skirt to cover your legs while sitting on his couch.

“is that so? i thought you were a thing” Toji is a lot more loose now, coming to sit next to you, a bit too damn close, and a hand on your knee.

suddenly a cheap porn video starts playing on Toji’s mind, one way too similar to your current situation, you mumbling a weak “we shouldn’t be doing this” while his hand is already sliding underneath your skirt.

his already rock hard cock twitching at the sight of your flustered self, panting for a mere touch on your inner thigh? god, Toji is going to enjoy this so much.

“boys your age don’t treat you like this” a calloused thumb tugs at your bottom lip, all puffy from your teeth digging on it, “are you going to be good for me, doll?” but can you really refuse? with the way the man towers over you, having you laying on your back, all flustered, panting with a lustful yet shy look on your eyes, one that Toji wants to turn into sheer submission.

Megumi’s not usually home, and although this detail should annoy his father, right now, the older is much happy about it, grateful that his son does not have to witness the way your puffy pussy lips part to greet the sticky, condom covered bulbous head of his cock, teasing, poking against your hole as if to taunt you to whimper louder.

“Toji...” sounds so heavenly how you moan his name, with a weak hand pushing on his lower abdomen, “we... shouldn’t...” is a weak complaint.

yet he does not even respond, almost forcefully sliding his tip into your tight cunt, grumbling at the sensation of your soft walls welcoming every fat inch, “you’re taking it well, doll” he smirks down at you, brutishly brushing your damp hair back in an attempt to be kind for a second, instead of just ravaging your insides.

your trembles, sobs and mewls all go straight to his balls, taut and full, forcefully slapping against your pussy with each thrust, no showing any signs of mercy even through your hiccuping moans, you’re enjoying it, soaking his cock down the couch, pussy fluttering and sucking him deeper with those pleading eyes of yours, dumb, gone just from some good cock.

with Toji’s large, broad chest pressing you down, forcing your hips to tilt up slightly, no one can blame you for getting cockdrunk, barely managing to squeal through the tongue shoving down your throat, “that’s an obedient girl” he chuckles, enjoying how you finally stopped mumbling comments over how this was wrong, now just focusing on soaking Toji’s balls with your creamy cunt.

𖤐 the new sorcerer from the outskirts of town, with sparkling eyes, hopes and a dream. truly pathetic to Sukuna, to be honest, all humans are pathetic and a waste or time. but why has he gone so quiet after getting a glimpse from inside Yuuji’s body.

obsessed is not a proper word, he’s not curious either, but there’s something about you that Sukuna wants to ruin so bad, he wants... needs to break your spirit and those sparkling eyes of yours.

it kind of fucks you up how the curse seem to stop talking when you’re around, Yuuji himself telling how how odd it was for Sukuna not to pester you too.

little did you know it was all part of a plan to lure you into his domain, not even giving you a second to process what was happening, having your defenses down and much easier to manipulate, such a terrible idea for a sorcerer.

“aren’t you so naive?” his hand squeezes your cheeks together, tone mocking right against your face, “did no one teach you not to let your guard down? useless human”

embarrassment, fear and awe all burn through your veins, what did you really wish to achieve? truth was that Sukuna’s lack of interest in you only made you... needier, needy for at least some reassurance.

the curse is not foreign to how your skin heats under his big fingers, how your eyes shine uncharacteristically, this situation was not what you expected, but it will do.

“say it again, loud and clear” a low and deep rumble against your ear, keeping your back tightly pressed against his chest with an arm around your neck, mercilessly sliding that thick cock in and out of your soaked pussy.

“t—haaah, thank... you, l-lord Sukuna...!” you’re a mess, an utter mess of saliva and tears rolling down your face to soak his arm where your nails dig into for support, almost dizzy from the lack of air and the way Sukuna’s cock presses just beautifully against the firm spot inside your cunt.

the man didn’t expect for you to be so willing, but those cute eyes of yours, begging to get fucked, got the best of him. with all his hands on you, groping, squeezing nipples and ass, all wherever he can touch and angle your soft hips to take more and more of his cock inside, almost making it impossible for you to breathe from how deep it hits, thankful that his whole strength is keeping you up, balanced on your tiptoes or else you would have fallen long ago, now all you had to do was to take whatever he has left in store for you.

𖤐 you are not Satoru’s student, but that does not mean he can’t have some fun with you.

you’re a bit too naive, aren’t you? sulking in silence at a bad grade, you’re grown, among the oldest students at Tokyo’s jujutsu tech, yet you’re in your own world, not even realizing it’s Satoru fucking up your student score.

call him a dick, whatever, you will never find out. and instead, come to his arms with a pout, asking for help to raise your grades.

a threat to stop giving you missions, or worse, sending you back home was more than enough to make you desperate.

you are so pretty when asking for help, something Satoru knew was not common, but now, you just need someone’s help, or at least some advice, and the mere thought that the white haired was your first option makes his cock throb.

“no matter what I do, it’s never enough for Yaga!” you poor thing, thinking you’re not good enough for your teacher, but Yaga is way too slow with technology as to realize your grades are strangely lower than they should, maybe he should not trust Satoru with them.

but it does not matter, because you let him touch you, you let him place you up his desk with such care you feel your face burning, setting between your thighs with kind and reassuring words, “Yaga is an idiot for not realizing how talented you are” Satoru’s voice is so low it’s almost a whisper that brushes past your ears, the same way his knuckles brush through your jawline and down your collarbone.

but you’re a sucker for those compliments, “do you believe so?” so cute, so pliant, with eyes twinkling and all.

“of course, angel...” he gauges in your reaction first, getting just a tiny squirm in return with breath hitching, “you are perfect”

it should not be a surprise to find you, merely minutes later, with his tongue down your throat and two knuckles deep into your squelching cunt, with his remaining hand squeezing your thighs and ass as if trying to leave prints of his fingers on your skin, making you ache so you remember him later.

your initial idea of seeking for help from Satoru all got drowned with his good the tips of his fingers dragged up and down your soaked walls, taking with him copious amounts of slick that just added onto the lewd sound, making a mess on the wood desk that squeaked just barely.

he’s just too good, and you’re so eager to cum that there’s not a coherent thought behind those eyes, glossy, staring in love at his own blue eyes while gushing cum all over his digits and palm.

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