#i have no idea how to put the emotions im feeling into words so key smach will do the job <:D< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[crystallakec]

HI CRIS....cried a little while drawing this and cried a little more while reading your tags. thank you for leaving these it means so so much to me and I wanted to talk about him a little more😭

even if I want to believe, it's already too late.

[dambaepuff]

hey hi, could i make a request? Im happy to see another good author starting :) u also seem very nice. could i request a yoongi x preferably fem!reader? if you want you can make it a genderneutral fic. my idea was a scenario were one of them is jealous, i thought of it being her jealous of him, over something stupid, but not in a toxic way like yk just pure jealusy mixed with insecurities. And they have a little petty argument and like it ends with smut i mean they make up to eachother that way :P like smut mixed with fluff at its purest. also, i am really curious to see how u write yoongi, i see many authors making him cold and tough but i believe that he is a very caring softie haha, by the morning wood headcanons, i think you got him very well ;) thank u in advance

REGRETS (m)

Pairing: Idol!Yoongi x FEM!Reader

Genre: angst, fluff, smut, one shot, request, established relationship

Warnings: jealousy, insecurities, a petty argument, depictions of sex, crying, emotional, oral sex (f receiving), vaginal fingering, bodily fluids, penetration (vaginal), a bit of praise, light biting, squirting

Word count: 5k

Summary: uhhh idk dude just read the request that��s pretty much it

A/N: UGH I LOVE THIS IDEA!! I don’t have much experience with writing angst so this was a really nice exercise. Thank you sooo so much for all the kind words, it’s what keeps me writing. I’m also a sucker for soft Yoongi so this is right up my alley. (Also this is not proofread so lmk if there’s any mistakes or anything)

Thursday night, it’s quiet outside. You’re trying to watch a movie with Yoongi. Key word trying. His hand has been gently rubbing your thigh for a few minutes now, whenever he tries sliding it up to tease you, you grab it and put it back onto his lap. He’s clearly trying to get you heated, but it’s having quite the opposite effect. Lately you’ve felt quite out of it, your lack of confidence causing you to avoid intimacy. With Yoongi being the gentleman he is, he always accepts it when he realizes you’re not in the mood and he moves on. However, you’re starting to doubt his ability to keep going like this. What if he realizes you aren’t satisfactory to him anymore? He could easily find someone else who would be all over him in seconds.

Replaceable. That’s how you’ve been feeling lately. He could have anyone he wants, so why you? “Are you not feeling it tonight?” Yoongi’s voice startles you out of your thoughts. “Huh? Oh. No I’m sorry.” You respond, your voice growing quieter with the end of the sentence. “That’s okay, c’mere.” He mumbles before pulling you into his chest, his hand soothing down your back.

‘Will he stay with me if I keep pushing him away like this?’ Is what you keep asking yourself. On one hand you’re afraid he’ll stop loving you if you stop showing him affection. And on the other hand, you’ve been so self conscious lately about your body and if you’re doing things right you don’t know if it’s worse to ruin the relationship by pushing him away or by not being good enough. ‘Do I even deserve to be with him at this point?’

Friday, 4:37PM. You got off work early today so you decided to stop by Yoongi’s studio. He’s still working so you’re lounging around on one of the couches inside of the room. The two of you had made plans to get dinner together when he finishes up for the day which you’re really looking forward to.

A short blurry figure appears at the studio door, they raise their hand up and place three quiet knocks onto the glass. Yoongi gets up with a huff and opens the door. In front of him stands a familiar woman, you can’t quite remember her name, but you’ve seen her around the company building before.

“Here’s your coffee Suga!” She says in a cheery tone. Her eyes land on you and her smile falls a bit. “Oh, I didn’t know you would be here. Sorry I didn’t get you anything.” She apologizes with a light bow of her head. You dismiss her with a wave of your hand before going back to fidgeting with the hem of your sweater. She turns her attention back to Yoongi who is setting his drink down onto his desk. “Hey Suga, a few of us are going to that barbecue place down the street for dinner and drinks tonight. Do you guys wanna come with?” She asks with a tilt of her head, her long black hair swaying with the movement.

“Uhh, yeah?” He looks at you quickly for confirmation to which you nod your head lightly. “Yeah. Sure we’ll come.”

Yoongi continues chatting with the girl. She casually leans against the door frame, the conversation between them flowing oh so easily. ‘It took me ages to be able to talk to him that smoothly. Why couldn’t I be like her?’ You think to yourself, trying your best to not let your irritation show.

He bids her farewell and sits back down at his desk. For the remaining time you spend in his studio all you can look at is him. Your gaze burns holes into his side profile, tracing each curve of his features over and over again. Why would a man whose heart only knows kindness, whose eyes and soul are so understanding of everything be with you? Your being is rotten with unforgiving bitterness, you seethe at every imperfection like a nun enraged by sin. Why would he want you?

He’s like a wild flower. He needs to be pollinated by the love and kindness of a bee to bloom, yet he stays with you, a caterpillar feeding off of him, biting off his flesh for your gain. Eating away at him and leaving nothing. Maybe you aren’t even a caterpillar. They can eventually turn into a beautiful creature with wings of eyeful colors, yet you can’t become anything more than what you are. You’re stuck in a vicious cycle, devouring every resource without paying any mind to the fact there will be nothing left when you’re done. What does he get for loving you if you can’t be of use? You can’t make him bloom.

“(Y/N)? (Y/N)!” You snap out of your thoughts, the reality around you giving you whiplash. Yoongi is kneeling in front of you, holding your jacket out. “Let’s go, we’ll be late.” You try to take it from his hands, but instead of giving it to you he holds it up so you can slip your arms inside. Once it’s on you he turns you around and zips it up for you. “Okay, let’s go.”

As you’re walking down the long hallways towards the elevators, Yoongi notices something odd. You usually grab onto his hand the moment you start walking somewhere together, but your hand is tucked away in your pocket now. He gently pulls it out and intertwines your fingers together. You can’t bring yourself to grip onto him like usual, instead you limply keep your hand at your side, letting him hold it. He’s a bit confused by this, but nevertheless he keeps holding you, his grasp only growing tighter in an effort to reassure you.

Yang Sunhee. Her name popped up in your head the moment she sat down across from you and Yoongi at the long wooden table. She’s been leading the conversation at your part of the table for a while now, mostly talking to Yoongi. To her credit she has tried to include you into the conversation a few times, but you didn’t really give her much to work with so she gave up.

You’ve been pushing your food around your plate for a while now. It’s mostly pieces of meat Yoongi placed down onto it for you, your favorite in fact. You just can’t get yourself to even place anything into your mouth, anxiety squeezing your throat so tightly you can barely even swallow your own saliva.

Sunhee is laughing at something, her eyes bright and her large smile hidden away behind a polite hand. Yoongi is laughing too, maybe not as hard as her, but he’s still laughing. ‘Why am I not the one making him laugh right now? Am I not funny anymore?’

As you’re glaring down at your food you feel a warm hand make contact with your shoulder. “You wanna go home?” Yoongi asks quietly, tucking a stray piece of hair behind your ear. “Yes please.” You breathe out, barely audible. On the drive home Yoongi tries asking what’s wrong multiple times, but all he gets in response is a simple “I just don’t feel too well.”

It’s been a few days now since you had dinner with Yoongi’s coworkers. He realized something was wrong so he’s been giving you some space. To be quite honest you aren’t sure if the space is helping or making it worse. After spending the whole day quietly sobbing to yourself in bed you decide to see what he’s up to. You find him sitting in the living room watching some sort of documentary and looking like he’s about to fall asleep. One of his cheeks is squished against a pillow and his hair is going on all the wrong directions. He looks adorable, your heart almost breaks in two knowing this is who you’ve been pushing away lately.

Taking a seat next to him, he lifts up his blanket so you can use it too. Just as you’re getting sleepy as well his phone pings on the coffee table. Instinctively you reach down for it so you can hand it to him, but when you see the contact name annoyance squeezes at your chest.

Yang Sunhee

Sent a message

“Why is she texting you?” The question slips from your mouth before you can even think it through. “I don’t know, let me see.” He responds while extending his hand out for the phone. You peer over at the screen, shamelessly trying to see what she sent. “Ah it’s just the schedule for next week.” He says and likes the message before setting his phone back down. Now you feel a bit guilty. Why were you questioning the intentions of this woman? She’s his employee after all.

Yoongi’s large hand comes up to cup your face, his thumb gently gliding over your cheekbone. “I know that look, what’s wrong baby?” He asks, his dark eyes skimming your face in search for answers. “It’s nothing.” You respond a bit too quickly, your tone stiff. The corner of Yoongi’s lip quirks up. “You’re jealous, aren’t you?”

Your eyes shoot open, “N-no!” you sputter out a weak defense. His hand slides down to your chin, the grip tightening a bit. His smirk spreads into a smile which angers you. He thinks this is funny?

“Don’t fucking touch me right now.” You say in a way harsher manner than you intended, tearing his hand away from your face. A flash of hurt runs over Yoongi’s face, his smile instantly falling. “Don’t look at me like that! I just- I need a moment right now.” You say in an apologetic tone. “You need a moment? I’ve been giving you a moment for days now. What about me? I keep trying so hard and you don’t show an ounce of being grateful. What’s your problem?” His tone gets louder as he talks, anger evident in his facial expressions.

“Problem? Oh it’s a problem now that I can’t always feel one hundred percent happy? Go sleep with some happy drugged out whore then if that’s what you want!” Without realizing it your tone has risen to a yell, you’re standing now, no longer in the comfort of warm blankets on the couch. “Don’t yell at me!” He yells back, tears beginning to brim his eyes.

“You’re yelling too asshole! Oh you’re gonna cry? Go cry to Sunhee, maybe she can suck your dick to make it better if you can’t go a week without me sucking it!” The moment you finish the last sentence a silence falls over the apartment. Yoongi stares at you wide eyed, unable to form a single sentence.

He looks like a kicked puppy, his eyes watery and his hands trembling. Realizing you went to far the only thing that pops up in your head is leaving the apartment for a bit. You speed walk to the front door, tugging your shoes on quickly and pulling a random jacket on. “Hey, hey! Where are you going?” Yoongi follows you once he realizes what you’re doing. Unable to look at his face you grab your keys and walk out, slamming the door behind you.

Not knowing where to go you walk to the nearest park. Taking a seat on one of the benches you stare up at the moon. “Why did I say that?” You mumble to yourself, tears stinging at your eyes. Your throat contracts, guilt choking you. There’s no holding back now, you let your sobs loose, tears running down your face uncontrollably.

“(Y/N)? Is that you?” A soft voice calls out to your right. Your head shoots up, trying to find the source of the sound. There stands Sunhee, she seems to be in her pajamas with a puffer jacket thrown on top. Her hair is a mess and she’s holding a leash. A little white dog sniffs around near her legs, you assume it’s her’s.

“What’s wrong?” She asks as she sits down next to you. “Ah don’t worry about it.” You mumble, sniffling lightly. “You’re so pretty (Y/N), I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone look good while they cry before.” Sunhee says with a genuine smile. “I- uh what?” You tilt your head to the side in confusion. “If I didn’t have a girlfriend I’d be jealous of Suga for having a girlfriend as pretty as you.” She giggles lightly.

“WHAT?” The question comes out harsher than you intend, the whole situation confusing you. “Listen, if you ever leave Suga just give me a call.” She says with a playful wink. You laugh in disbelief, your tears completely gone now. “You’re funny Sunhee.” You say, still sniffling lightly. “I’m not joking, but thank you.” She giggles along with you.

“Now why are you outside so late?” She asks while pulling her dog up into her lap. “I had a fight with Yoongi, I didn’t really know where else to go. I’m kind of scared to face him right now.” You answer truthfully. “Girl, have you seen how he looks at you? That man is a goner, I’m sure whatever you argued about isn’t that bad. You should go home and apologize, you can talk it through.” She says while giving you an encouraging smile. “You think so?” You ask quietly. “I know so.”

Even with Sunhee’s encouragement you’re still unsure. Guilt wracks through your whole body, pressing down on your insides and making you nauseous. You try to be as quiet as possible when you enter the apartment, but the sound of the heavy front door closing and jingling of keys betrays you. Just as you’re taking your shoes off you hear shuffling down the hallway. Yoongi’s dark figure emerges, you’re ready to hear something nasty from him, but instead you’re met with two warm arms wrapped around you.

“Thank god you’re safe.” He mumbles before kissing the top of your head. “I’m sorry Yoongi, I’m so sorry baby. Please don’t leave me. I didn’t-“ you’re cut off by a hiccup, your tears returning. “I didn’t mean to say any of that. Please, please don’t leave me I’ll never do that again…” You sob into his chest. “Shhhhh, I know you didn’t mean it, I should’ve done some things differently too.” His hand softly pets your head.

“I’ve been trying to figure out why you’ve been acting so weird lately and I think I get it now. You look at her like she killed your dog. You know she’s a lesbian right?” You can’t help but laugh a bit at that. “Yeah I kind of found that out just now.” You mumble, your fingers tangling into the material of his shirt. “Why don’t you like her?” You can feel him softly smile against your hair as he asks the question.

“I don’t know I just-“ You try to form the right words, but they won’t come. “Ugh! She’s just so pretty and she’s really open, it feels like she’s perfect and has everything you could need and I’m just sort of me? I don’t know, it’s stupid. I’m just projecting.” Yoongi listens intently to everything you say while he takes your jacket off. “Lately I’ve felt like the shell of who I was when you met me, you know? I’m just sort of bleh- and every other woman around me seems to have her shit togehter.” A tear runs down your cheek and Yoongi chases it away with his thumb.

“It’s why I’ve been avoiding having sex lately. I just feel gross and ugly while you… you look like you were sculpted by the ancient Greeks. You need a Hera to your Zeus. I’m like a satyr or something!” You let out a bitter laugh, trying to mask your feelings. “Hmm I think we’re more like Orpheus and Eurydice. Except I don’t want to lose you the way he lost her. They were such perfect lovers, yet there was something tragic about them. What’s love without tragedy?” He softly spoke, continuing to wipe your tears. You let out a genuine laugh and hit his chest lightly. “You idiot! You don’t get it.”

“I think I at least partially get it. I mean hell you make my knees weak whenever you look me in the eye woman, and we’ve been dating for years! I’d go to the pits of hell for you a million times more than Orpheus if it meant having a bit more time to spend with you. There’s no other person that could fulfill your role in my life as well as you do. I love you for you, you’re my muse. My light.” He places a ginger peck onto your forehead.

Love and desire suddenly flood through you, grabbing the collar of his shirt you pull him into a rough kiss. A few more tears make their way past your eyelids, but these ones of relief and joy rather than sadness and frustration. Yoongi gladly accepts your advances, kissing you back firmly. He barely wastes any time trying to get his tongue intertwined with yours. Your interwoven muscles becoming a metaphor for your souls combining together, the act of physical intimacy projecting your consciousness into one being, content and whole.

One of your hands shoot up to grip his hair a bit tighter than necessary which makes him release a deep moan. He pants against your lips, trying to catch his breath, but unable to fully separate your bodies. As he had endured yearning for you such a torturous amount, how could he let you go now?

He presses you flat against the door, holding you down chest to chest. His cold hands slide up your shirt, the contrast of temperature making you shiver. Caressing the skin of your stomach so lightly it tickles, he snakes one of his hands behind your back, swiftly unclipping your bralette in one movement. You let it drop to the floor, the only thing on your mind right now being the feeling of his body on yours. With his hands lightly ghosting over your breasts now, you shudder each time one of his fingers brushed against your nipples. Slowly he pulls your shirt off, the cold night air bites at your skin making your nipples harden. Instinctively your arms shoot up to cover yourself, but Yoongi stops you. He firmly grips your wrists and pins them down above your head.

Now fully exposed to him, he looks you in the eyes before licking a fat stripe from the area between your breasts to your neck. Lightly blowing onto the wet part of your skin, you take in a deep breath from the sensation. He begins to trail kisses down to your chest, letting go of your hands so he can bring you as close to him as possible. You tug at his hair softly as he mouthes at ode of your breasts, his tongue lightly teasing the soft bud. He groans softly before kissing down lower so he can get onto his knees.

He kneels before you know, unashamed of the submissive position he’s in. His teeth occasionally graze your stomach between sloppy open mouthed kisses. Looking up at you through his lashes, Yoongi starts undoing your pants. He pushes them down as if they’re getting in the way and moves his kisses down to your thighs. His uncalculated mouth moves dangerously close to your clothed cunt. Hovering over it he purposefully breathes through his mouth so you can feel his warm breath on your skin. You gasp when he suddenly pressed his nose against your pussy and inhales deeply. You can peel the tips of your ears heating up from embarrassment, but Yoongi doesn’t seem to care in the slightest.

“Ugh, fuck how I missed this part of you.” He groans as he kisses over the thin fabric. Finding your clit almost immediately he starts to roll his tongue against it through your panties. Your arousal and his saliva mix together in the material causing an uncomfortable need for real contact.

“Yoongi, take it off already…” you whisper to him, brushing his bangs out of his face. Looking up at you with a cheeky smirk he grabs onto the hem of your underwear with his teeth, making sure to lightly graze your sensitive skin with them as he pulls down. Your panties don’t even have the chance to reach the floor and his mouth is already on you again. He runs his tongue through your folds, making you instinctively angle your hips to give him more access. Heedlessly circling your clit with his tongue, he occasionally sucks on it or flicks it. You’re unsure if his mouth is glistening from his own saliva or from your wetness, but the sloppy noises he’s making are causing you to involuntarily buck your hips into his mouth.

“You’re so beautiful like this, my sweet girl.” He mumbles as he pulls away, nuzzling his head into your thigh. Replacing his tongue with his fingers, you let out a quiet moan when he slips them inside of you. “I love having you like this, only for me to see. You know I’d never do this for anyone else, right?” He emphasizes the question by pressing his fingers down against your sweet spot. ”Shit, Yoongi. I love you so much, no one makes me cum like you do.” Your response comes out in a dragged out whine.

Satisfied with your reply his mouth returns to your clit while his fingers work you open. The combination of sensations makes an orgasm built up in your abdomen fast. “Yoon- Yoongi, I’m gonna ah- I’m gonna cum!” You moan out, trying to warn him. This only encourages him to go faster as an orgasm ripples through you in harsh waves, your head falling back against the door as your eyes roll into the back of your head. You spasm slightly as he continues to work your cunt, trying to pull him away so he doesn’t overstimulate you.

He licks off your juices from his fingers, wiping his lips with the back of his hand. As soon as he’s back on his feet you go in for a kiss, leaning on him for support while still coming down from your high. He refuses to let your lips part as he leads you to the bedroom, his shirt and pants getting lost along the way.

“Lay down baby.” He mumbled against your lips as he led you to the bed. Kneeling down between your legs he made sure you were comfortable on your pillow. No matter how basic, missionary was always the best when you needed to express your love sexually. Parting your lips he pulls you down a little so your thighs are pressed together. He grabs his erect cock out of his underwear, not even bothering to get rid of the boxers. Pumping it a few times he gives you a dopey look, a lazy smirk spreading on his face.

“You ready?” He rasps out, rubbing the tip of his cock against your swollen clit, mixing his precum together with the aftermath of your previous orgasm. “A little too ready.” You replied, running a hand through your hair. “Mmm I can tell.” He teases while spreading the natural lubricant over his cock. Slowly he pressed the tip in, “Fuck, it’s going in so easily, o barely had to prep you. You really want it, don’t you?” his brows crease together in pleasure as he slowly bottoms out. “Yes, fuck Yoongi I want your cock so bad.” Your hand shoots up to grab onto his shoulder, biting your lip at the fullness.

“Please, (Y/N). Can I move?” He murmured, holding onto your hips tightly. “Yes, fuck me Yoongi.” You replied, grabbing his face to place a wet kiss onto his lips. He let out a low moan as he started thrusting into you, the warmth and wetness of your cunt feeling better each time he fucked it. You lightly squeezed your walls on purpose knowing it drives him crazy. “Oh my- ah shit I won’t last long at all if you do that.” He said breathily, his hips jerking forward involuntarily. You hooked one of your legs onto his hips, pulling him forward so he’s pressed into your cunt as deeply as possible. The both of you groaned at that, as soon as you let go he started thrusting into you with a quicker pace. His movements rapidly increased with each slap of skin that echoed throughout the space, his head thrown back. That look on his face means he’s absolutely lost in please and that makes you proud. He molds so perfectly inside you it makes all of your doubts melt away, it’s like he was made for you.

Matching the pace of his thrust to his fingers flicking your clit, Yoongi can swear he can feel you pulsating around him. “Ah, fuck (Y/N) I think I’m gonna cum already. Shit I’m sorry it just feels too good.” He groans, the already pink tips of his ears darkening. “It’s okay, go ahead baby, cum inside me.” You breathily respond, continuing to moan with each of his thrusts. He speeds up before abruptly stopping, the feeling of his warm seed filling you up making you clench around his cock. “Wait, shit, shit run my pussy please I’m so close too.” His fingers immediately speed up on your clit, furiously flicking it as your abdomen tightens again. As the hot white pleasure rips through your whole body, making your muscles spasm you hear a wet noise. Looking down the moment you can open your eyes you see Yoongi’s lower stomach covered in a clear liquid.

“Did you just make me squirt?” You laugh in disbelief. “That’s a first.” He mumbles before pulling his cock out, various liquids gliding down your ass. “I’ll go get a towel. He quickly gets up, trying his best not to make any of his surroundings wet.

As the two of you are laying in bed, your warm baked bodies pressed together, you feel Yoongi’s chest vibrate as he speaks up. “From now on, you always have to tell me when something’s bothering you, okay?” He softly says, stroking your hair. “Okay.” You whisper back. “Promise?” He questions while raising his pinky finger up, you lock yours with his, pressing your thumbs together. “Promise.”

[indigogvf]

Bottled up

Summary: Jake comforts you after a bad week at work.

Warnings: Crying? There’s no others that I can think of, just lots of comfort and fluff.

Word count: 1279

AN: Thanks for helping me decide which fic to do on my poll!! Im still gonna do the other two at some point, but Jake comfort was the winner so you’re getting this one first😁

Also, my requests are open!! I’d love to hear any ideas.

You just finished work, and you’re walking rather quickly to your car, whilst also desperately holding back tears to avoid your boss after he gave you a deadline for a presentation; a presentation he told you about yesterday. And the deadline is on Monday.

It’s Friday.

After the immense stress and pressure you’ve been holding in this week, it was safe to say you were now at your breaking point.

You practically threw yourself into your car as tears started streaming down your face, not wanting to catch the attention of any coworkers who might also be leaving. Everything that had even slightly upset or bothered you this week now seemed earth shattering as you finally let yourself feel all the emotions you’ve been pushing away. You were never one to talk about how you felt; you always felt as if no one really cared, or that you were being a burden. Everyone has their own stuff going on, why do they need yours to think about too?

You pulled up in the driveway, taking a deep breath before getting out of your car and making your way to the house. You walked in, chucking your keys on the side table and hanging your coat up. “Jake, I’m home.” You called out. You walked through to the kitchen to see where he was after you heard no response, and found him cutting up some type of vegetable, which you couldn’t quite see because he was in the way. “Hey. What are you making?” You questioned.

“Hey, honey. I’m making lasagna for dinner. I know it’s your favourite, and I wanted to do something nice for you.” He smiled. You took a deep breath, not wanting to start up the waterworks for the second time. He was so good to you.

“Oh. That’s very thoughtful of you, Jake. Thank you.” You returned his smile as he pulled you in for a sweet little kiss. “I’m gonna head upstairs and take a shower.” You began walking away,

“Wait!” He called, “How was work?”

You were really hoping you’d dodged that question.

“Uh.. yeah, it was fine.” You briskly walked away, desperately trying to avoid any further questions.

You failed.

“Just fine? Are you sure?” He paused for a moment, awaiting your response. When you hesitated, he continued. “You’ve been a little off with me this week.. have I done something wrong? Is there something going on elsewhere that’s bothering you?”

Fuck.

You hate this. You almost hate yourself for this. You’ve been pushing him away all week, attempting to avoid this exact conversation. As much as you want to just curl up on the couch with him and bathe in his love and affection, you knew yourself too well. You knew you’d crack and end up crying to him about how stressed you’ve been, which is exactly what you want to avoid. You hate that you’ve made him feel like he’s done something wrong. You can feel your lip quivering as you hold back your tears for the second time since you’ve come home. “I’m sorry. I.. I just-“ aaaand here it comes.

You put your head in your hands as you start bawling, trying to conceal the fact that you’re most definitely not okay. Although you think it’s fairly obvious, because Jake rushes over to you, embracing you in a tight hug as your body shakes against his. “Hey, it’s okay. Shhh. Just let it all out,” He says softly into your ear whilst gently stroking your hair. “Talk to me, baby. What’s going on?” He prods.

You collect yourself, taking deep breaths in an attempt to calm yourself enough to explain yourself. “I’m sorry for pushing you away all week. You didn’t do anything, I’ve just had a week from hell. I didn’t want to be a burden to you so I just kept it to myself, but I knew if you were to ask about my day, I’d crack.” You mumbled, feeling slightly ashamed because saying it out loud makes you feel slightly pathetic.

“What makes you think you can’t talk to me? You can always talk to me - about anything. I want to be there for you, honey. But I can’t if i don’t know when there’s something bothering you. Your problems will never burden me, I promise. Now, tell me what happened.” He reassures you, still giving gentle strokes across your hair.

You knew your thought process was slightly unnecessary when it came to Jake. He’s never made you feel like you can’t talk to him; in fact, you know you can talk to him. You assume it was from when you were a teenager and your two friends ignored you for being upset, and then proceeded to tell you it was draining to be around you. You’re glad that Jake shows you nothing of the sort.

“Well, on Monday, there was four clients who phoned and screamed at me down the phone for the way that their previous issues were handled. I didnt even deal with their original complaints. On Tuesday, my boss called me for a meeting about those calls and basically questioned my ability to do my job, despite the fact that I told him multiple times I didn’t handle their original complaints. On Wednesday, my coworker shouted at me in front of the entire office about how i didn’t send him some documents he needed, even though he didn’t tell me about them. On Thursday I split my coffee on my cream coloured jumper and had to walk around with a giant stain down my chest. Today, my boss gave me a deadline for a presentation. He told me about the presentation on Thursday, and the deadline is on Monday.” You took a breath, feeling like you were suffocating because of how quickly and passionately you listed all of the problems of the week.

“Oh, love. I’m sorry. You don’t deserve to be treated this way. You’re always working so hard, it’s a shame they can’t see that. Have you thought about working somewhere else? You deserve to be respected and seen for your work, and I don’t think you’re going to get that at this company.” He spoke in the most delicate voice.

You thought for a moment, contemplating his suggestion of getting a new job. “I don’t know. I hadn’t really thought about that; but I think you might be right.” You replied.

Jake pulled you closer to him, placing your head on his chest. “You know you can always talk to me, don’t you?” He asked.

“I do. I guess I just overthink it sometimes.” You said, reassuring him.

“Do you promise you’ll talk to me next time?” He held his pinky finger out.

“I pinky promise, Jake.” You shook his pinky as you smiled at each other.

He pulled you in for a gentle kiss to your lips and then planted kisses around your face, leaving an extra big one on your forehead. You giggled in response, already feeling much better.

“Why don’t we eat our lasagna and try to come up with some solutions that might make your work easier, and then cuddle on the couch with a movie on in the background, hm? That sound good, pretty girl?” He suggested.

“Mmm, that sounds amazing. Thank you, Jake. I love you.” You nuzzled your head into his chest. You could hear his heartbeat gently thumping in your ear.

“I love you too, sweetheart.” He placed a kiss on your head whilst simultaneously giving you a tight squeeze.

You loved him so much, it was almost too much. But you especially loved how loved he made you feel.

[mononijikayu]

Hello, Kayu!!!

Your writing is on another level. This asshole, cheater Nanami follows me even in my nightmares😭

Do you have any keys or tips how to write fast or how to make a really good plot? Especially how to work with angst, because in my opinion it’s really hard to put words together in a special order so the readers will cry their eyes out😭

hi dear nonnie!!!!

thank you for your praises. i am so grateful for you love and affection for all my work and how you've enjoyed it so far!!! though, i'm sorry that my version of nanami has followed you even in dreamland....that must be rough.

though i have to say, even me - i am a victim of nanami because i wrote the new chapter and i made some mistakes because i was so incensed with anger because he sucks lmaoooo

hm......when i write, it sort of depends on what approach i take it with because in some ways it depends on how i feel and how i am thinking at the time. it is who i am at the time. its very personal, its very raw and emotional. i really take everything that i am in what i write. plot or writing.

so for example with wildflower, it was me reflecting about a conversation i had with my own mother about how her life has gone. because she made choices that led her to being my mother and being someone's wife and not being the nurse she wanted to be.

and i began to reflect a lot about how i've heard and watched other women not be in that sort of space where they could be someone that they wanted to be.

and so that inspired me a lot with that as much as this movie called the happy housewife, which is a dutch film about this mother having a hard time adjusting to motherhood and as well as the lyrics of billie eilish's wildflower in itself, because it is deemed to be romantic. but i ended up thinking about a woman who's reflecting about herself in a third person pov about her role in people's lives.

so being immersed in a lot of things help me build the plot. you connect with people, you read, you enjoy films, you enjoy music. its a plethora of things that allow me to think the plots i think and i write them down on paper in jumbled up words and then i end up choosing what works and doesnt.

sometimes it takes a while, which is why i take breaks because i work on it so much that i get burnt out. as much as i do with my schooling. so it sort of a constant battle with this.

though sometimes i just have no plan. i just have a concept of what the plot could be and i just i write it out in trial and error. though this burst of energy is the worst because i end up suffering on the spot what happens and what doesn't.

with regards to writing, i write wherever i am. that is the escape i have with everything that goes on. i always have my phone, my laptop on me. sometimes in law lectures if we get breaks, i use that break to write some ideas i had a while ago while in the park.

or like if i have ideas somewhere else and i dont have my laptop on me, i write on my phone in the bus or while im walking or when im just trying to just chill out. so its a constant writing. sometimes i can formulate a story within an hour or two. sometimes its a more than that. its a whole thing.

i'm gonna use wildflower again as an example. i wrote wildflower in one sitting session. i don't like it when i leave something when it gets interesting and this was one of those moments i couldn't ignore that. it was a day off from uni, so i wrote wildflower in like the whole day, the breaks to eat and to pee and shower aren't involved. all the while wildflower by billie eilish was playing multiple times in loop because its the words that inspired it.

i think after this i had to lay down for an hour or so because my ass was burning and then i took walks around the house trying to go and not have cramps because i ended up doing it for too long. my eyes too, i had to close them for a while.

in some ways, this sort of craze in the writing is both a curse and a blessing. because i want to get it done but my body and my mind can only do so much most of the time. so there are some days i have no idea at all what to write or how to write or what comes next.

the biggest advice is to know your limits and to know what you can and cannot do and most of all pace yourself as much as you can be authentic and genuine in what you write. that is the biggest strength of my writing as much as it is the biggest grievance. still, i don't think i'll trade it for the world.

i know this has gotten long and maybe its not the best of advices and perhaps its just a good view of why writing is almost like a sport. but this is what i do. i've explained it on another ask. but i hope even though its quite a thing, it still does help you in some way!!!

i love you <3

[cheschesterpossum]

Anon from Unicorn made humans au ah thank you! I'm glad you find my au interesting. I read up a bit more on your au poor Miku and Jake 😟 being turned into Cybertron and then being on the Decepticon ship. Miku and Starscream relationship is interesting as he toke on a guardian/mentor role for her but its actual going while and he does care for her but is afraid of it because she can be used against him if the other knew. I wanna see Miku and Starscream scheme together to overthrow Megatron 👏

Yes! Low key Not my neighbour and among us vibes in these au along with inspiration from Evangelion. Funny you mention humans being the equivalent of fae to Cybertronian. I was trying to find a name for the Unicorn human primes. The the title of prime is from their god name Primus so i was trying to do the same, i got 3 names as the result. Uni which sounds like Oni which is a demon. Yumi which is a Japanese word for bow but can also mean history/origin and beauty. And Yokai, which for now I'm gonna use but if you have any ideas for what the human primes title should be i would like to hear them.

I was thinking in the setting the Yokai were born after the Primes defeated and sealed Unicorn away. The Primes were born as fully fledged adults but since they put Unicorn to sleep these result in the Yokai to be born prematurely around the age of a young teen. These can go either two way where because Unicorn was sealed away before he can form a relationship with his Yokai. They don't know what their purpose is and what Cybertronians are, so their able to grow independently and repopulate. And when the Autobots made contact both parties thought they were one in the same until the growing realisation that no there not. Like a wolf meeting a dog for the first time.

Or the Primes were present when the Yokai were born and now has the moral dilemma of what they should do. When they killed Unicorn first iteration of humans it was simple choice as it was an act of self defence and they were drones. But with the Yokai not only are they thinking entities but their literally children. So it can focus ob the Primes trying to raise the Yokai but having these fear that what their doing is the right thing and their not raising a monster.

Like the child Yokai sees one of the Primes smile and then tries to copy that smile. Their face twitch trying to emulate the emotion to show that their also happy which is cute but incredible creepy to see. And the concern that maybe its just learning so that the Yokai can fully pretend to be a Cybertron.

Ooo yes! The humans won't have an alt mode but can wear tires and window of the like to pretend they can. I imagine it's also decorative like jewellery for them and yes the armour would just be a protective shell and they don't feel when their armour is scratch.

It would take more force, for example a punch for the human to feel it though their armoured planting.

Very interesting! Although the Miko and Jack one isn't my AU, im pretty sure it's @witchofthesouls, the ex-human that reincarnated as cyb but human organs remain was just an idea i wanted to share.

The Prime's getting torn on what to do with the Yokai then ended up raising them would be a pretty funny thought, since I imagine Yokai and Cybs are vastly different even as a child. Toddlers are a nightmare to babysit, they're mostly very energetic and then there's teenagers in their rebellious phase, gonna turn the mighty Primes into tired wine mom, probably lolol.

Oh yes, the start of learning how to mimic and act, remind me a lot of the song Extension Of You.

i can see humans decorating their armor, like the way they tattoo their skin.

[mattstattos]

Busy | M•S

paring -> bf!matt x reader

warnings -> past traumas (abuse:physical, s/a)

summary -> you’ve been trying to get in contact with matt he hasn’t been answering, with your past having an abusive ex you start to overthink everything

word count : 617

———————————————————

As you clocked out of the hospital where you work; you felt a huge wave of relief come over you. Finally, a break you’ve been looking forward to all week. You’ve been working non-stop all this month and haven’t gotten the chance to spend quality time with your boyfriend, matt.

as you open the door to your car and get situated, setting your backpack in the seat next to you, you pick up your phone to text matt. you write “hey matty, i finally have a couple days off! can i come over?” you sigh setting your phone down and pulling out of the parking garage.

2 hours later….

As time passes you feel your mind start to spiral. what if i said or did something wrong? what if he lost interest? you try to shake those thoughts but to no avail. you lose control and your heart starts to pump uncontrollably fast.

tears fall from your eyes your past comes flooding back. the words that were said, the pain inflicted upon you. a healed wound becoming fresh again with every tear that falls from your eyes. your chest tightens and the weight of worthlessness washes over you. your heart races as you relive the moments that sculpted you, the moments that broke you.

remembering the way your voice fell upon deaf ears. his hands being raised and falling leaving marks along your cheeks. you having to tell your family, holding back tears, that you tripped up the stairs chuckling at how clumsy you were. they saw the pain in your eyes, but you convinced them he loved you and he didn’t do it.

you remember the way your body was used. the way he touched you in a way to apologize. tears streamed from your eyes as you laid there unable to move. you “made him upset” and you “had to deal with the consequences.” and as you cry the weight of it all crushing down on you, knowing you’ll never be able to get rid of the burden of your past.

you wipe your drenched face making your way out of the front door. you make sure you have your phone and your keys stumbling to your car your body weak.

you put your car in park taking in the house in front of you. the triplets. you take you keys out of the ignition with shaking hands making your way up the sidewalk.

you raise your arm hesitating to knock not wanting his brothers to see you in this state, a mess of tears and emotions. you take a deep breath before knocking ever so lightly on the door.

the door creaks open to reveal matt’s face originally in annoyance but as he reads your face his emotions change instantly into worry. “what’s wrong? what happened?” the questions spill out of his mouth but your unable to answer. you feel a lump in your throat. tears well in your eyes as matt pulls you into his chest. “it’s okay, i got you” he says pulling you inside.

you both make your way to his room plopping on his bed with you in his lap. you lift your head from the nape of his neck. you clear your throat, “you didn’t answer my text” you let out. “i thought i did something wrong. “ you say as matt strokes your hair. “baby, im sorry. i just got out of a meeting. i’ve been busy all day” he admits feeling guilty knowing your train of thought . you feel a sense of relief all your thoughts suddenly gone. you stop crying and readjust, him spooning you. his arms pulling you in close as you drift off to sleep.

a/n: this is short but i’ve had this idea in my notes app brewing. someone probably already did this but this is my version! i hope you like it 💖

[mayoiayasep]

ooo im so interested to hear your thoughts, why do you think cozmez and 1Nm8 should interact?

hiii sorry for this being like 2 days late 😅. also @ ing @jalapenobee bc i was going to send this to her as well. hi bee👋🏾

um anw so. at first ngl it was just me putting them together bc like oh two units w brother relationships in it that would be fun, but then i like thought about it and i would reallyyy like to see them interact

like firstly there's the slight differences in the definitions of the words "avenge" and "revenge". to avenge can mean "to take vengeance on behalf of", and i think that really suits 1nm8 specifically bc of kei's mindset in terms of the phantom lives. its been a hot second since i've read the after showdown drapa so idk how much his beliefs have changed but 1nm8's reason for joining road to legend was kinda for kei to "avenge" rokuta and itsuki having to go through the experiments by winning and then dismantling paradox live.

for revenge, i'm not really the biggest cozmez-head to lmk if i get smthn wrong here but i also thought that being in the revengers team also really suited cozmez out of the other units. while the two words have similar meanings i've always thought that revenge had a more aggressive/angrier tone to it and i feel like that fits cozmez's bitterness towards the world and their circumstances pretty well. like at least in the first round.

k so for why i think they should interact. i think kei would piss kanata off. like kanata's a pretty prickly person so like. it doesnt really take much but i believe kei's savior mindset would annoy him to no end, and if kei is still on the topic of taking down the phantom lives i want him to mention nayuta. tbh w that point im not really sure if kei would know? about it bc while nayuta was taken in by alter trigger he wasn't a subject to the extent that rokuta and itsuki were. which, pivoting from that, i think the bringing up of nayuta's alter trigger experience would be a good excuse to get more itsuki and rokuta AT lore! specifically itsuki like you have no idea how much i want details about how he got there, especially since he got there at 5?? like jfc. also w itsuki lore it would be nice to see how itsuki and rokuta met, since it would've been before itsuki started repressing his emotions and ive always wondered how their dynamic was before that.

lastly, i said earlier that i think kei would make kanata mad but i would like. also like to see the reverse happening if possible? im not quite sure how but they're like, the same age and kei always tries to seem so put together w his mindset and all that as well as the fact that he financially provides for himself rokuta and itsuki. so while it's unlikely that kei could get like. mad mad i would like to see him irritated. a little bit. as a treat for me.

anw ramble pretty much over👍🏾 tbh i have a bit more in my brain but this is super long already so. yea bye👋🏾

[r0s3s26]

Match up for…@jae-pudding

<3 Your boyfriend is…..Tsukishima Kei!

<3 You for real just found your twin bro

<3 Y'all would be menaces together oh my lord

<3 You and tsukishima have a lot of similar traits in personality, which would make it easier for you guys to click first

<3 Ok mini backstory cause I had an idea

<3 I'm gonna say that you two probably met in highschool and where an exchange student that just moved to miyagi

<3 You were in tsukishima's class and were sat next to him

<3 Some group of kids would be being really loud and annoying near you and you would just start glaring and side eyeing the FUCKKK outta them, which made tsuki giggle ngl

<3 What really made him drawn to you though is how intelligent you are

<3 When he was at karasuno on the volleyball team, he was always surrounded by idiots

<3 Every conversation with Noya, Hinata, Tanka, or Kageyama melted his brain cells

<3 So when you were around and would strike a intelligent conversation with him, it was like a breath of fresh air

<3 Anyways back to the present/time-skip

<3 You are a lot more outgoing in the way you go about yourself, which helps tsukishima explore the world a bit more

<3 Tsukishima would drag you to different museums around japan and become your personal tour guide for each one

<3 Wanted to travel more but need a push, your the push

<3 I think his love languages are Words of affirmation and gift giving

<3 Would get you little trinkets and matching things

<3 Wait yall with matching dino keychain>>> so cute

<3 It takes a while for Tsukishima to start opening up more with his emotions and become more emotionally smart in a relationship

<3 He is mainly scared of just messing something up. So he starts bottling stuff in and putting up fake facades to seem ok. But once your like “Hey man, talk to me, its ok” all the walls come crashing

<3 Ok back to positive stuff

<3 His favorite date is to sit at an outdoor cafe(new one every couple weeks or so) and people watch

<3 Your favorite date is going to different cities and or towns in japan

<3 Overall you both work very well for each other

Blurb (Tsukishima's POV):

It's dark outside by the time practice ends. I feel gross with how sweaty I am and musty the air is in the gym, I need to get out quick. I thank the coach and my captain and quickly leave for the locker room. I sent a quick text to Yuno that i'm gonna be like in 15 minutes. I try to be as quick as possible because we are having a dinner date at a local place in a bit and I don’t wanna be late. After my shower I send another text to Yuno that I'm done and he can meet me outside.

I walk out of the locker room and through the front door to the outside, this is nice. I feel my body temperature cooling down and I can finally somewhat relax. I wait a couple of minutes before I hear yuno calling my name, “Tsuki i'm over here!” I look around for a second to see where he was and I see him at the entrance of the parking lot. I walk over there as quickly as possible. When I walk over to him I pull him in by the waist with one arm and kiss the top of his head, “Wow Tsuki, didn’t realize you missed me so much” Yuno says with a smirk “Oh shut it” I reply back with a small smile “Now lets go”.

(Authors Note: I hope you like it:)) I have written in a couple years so Im still getting the hang of it again lol.)

[ohmeadows]

with the experience you have now, what is something you usually do when you feel the creative block so bad that it makes you want to drop all your writing during an indeterminate period of time? (Not considering talking to someone because i don't have friends with the same interests as me)

Lately i have been writing consistently but now i am in a point between the overwhelming need to keep creating and the suffocating need to just stop. the last time this happened not a single word was written in over a year xd

oh and im so in love with your writing btw <3

thank you and i'm sorry to hear you're struggling with a creative block, i know the feeling all too well. (there's a span of years between 2013 and 2016 where i didn't write at all.)

while a little break does do good, i know the threshold to getting back to it becomes so high it feels insurmountable. but it sounds like you need to replenish the well, as i like to call it. think of your writing as a well you draw from, and it needs a steady supply of water to be able to sustain you dipping into it for the power and inspiration to keep going. feeding it involves engaging in texts in a different way. for me, that's reading, and a lot. i sometimes feel so parched i have to steamroll thru ten books before i feel like i have it balanced again.

i've made some posts beforehand on how to approach reading as a writer (wish i'd tagged them better), but it boils down to:

make lists of beautiful words and sentences that you like; could you emulate them? could you write them in your style?

how do the writers pull off the tricks you struggle with? for me this is knowing when to just move the scene along, or how to showcase that time has passed. (i did a whole study on this from my fave books and it boiled down to just writing "A day later/Weeks down the line/Three months passed before she/It didn't take more than forty-five minutes to get across town but it felt like moving backwards through time" which was fun to learn)

just reading for fun. cannot be understated. sometimes you just need to be pulled into a story and feel too dazzled to stop and think to be reminded of how delicious writing feels

and yes, this goes for mangas, comics, scripts, movies, tv shows, even game writing imo (visual novels are great fun for how they do dialogue and emotional appeal).

another thing to not lose touch with the writing as a practice but maybe take a little breather from the project is to start a journal. i like this one a lot personally, there's the concept of morning pages where you get up in the morning and write three pages without stopping or overthinking.

this leads into automatic writing, which is about setting a timer (25 mins is a good one i feel, but even 15-10-5 does wonders) and while it ticks, you have to keep writing. yes, even if all you write is the same word over and over, or your thoughts as they come to you. this is a key component exercise at all writing schools i've ever gone to. personally i like to "guide it" so to speak with a prompt, be it a word (Lust, Rose, Name, Echo) or a full sentence ("She didn't like where this was going.") or an image. what this exercise teaches you is to shorten the distance between hand putting the words down and your thoughts as they process and come to you, as well as embracing writing messy and ugly and shitty because you can always come back and fix a half-assed page, but you can't do anything with a blank one.

third and final thing: movement. go outside. look around. if you can, get moving, take in the surroundings. there's no expectation on you to write anything from this, just let the movement and your thoughts be it. whenever i hit creative rut, i go for a walk. the first half hour my brain is quiet and annoyed. then things start moving in there as well. i'll walk all the way down to the sea and look at the waves and back home and process an idea from it. (i do keep the notes app on my phone readily available for this, but a notebook or receipt or post-it notes also work fine.)

like all art, writing is a practice and the actual act of writing is maybe 20-30% of what it is. nourish the well and it will nourish you back.

+ for what it's worth, i also often try to edge in rest days where i don't write. at least two a week. be gentle and forgiving on yourself.

[kendrixtermina]

I've been thinking about it time & again, turning & turning it around in my head - like, even going back to some thoughts I'd had before this particular case, to make sure I'm not bending my morals here & being the worst kind of asshole. It's actually been nagging at the back of my mind since these ideas first became mainstream in the early 2010s.

But I just can't square it with my conscience to treat a miscommunication the same as, like... I've read many stories with with violence, threats or coersion.

Or even emotional manipulation, entitlement or pushyness.

I was thinking about this with the Melanie Martinez case, and that one's worse cause she was pushy & other people who consensually slept with her confirm that she could be pushy & insistent. But that's also a situation where she walked away with the belief that the other girl was simply convinced & agreed.

And in the story with Flake there wasn't even convincing.

It's so easy to say "if you really cared you'd notice". Lots of people are just really passive in bed. Some men hate it, some ask you to lie still - people might misread signs while drunk & that's why you (as in, the initiator, not the girl) should be careful with how much you drink.

But it just isn't the same. I can't call it the same word.

Threats, violence or even entitled demanding require a huge level of disregard of another person's autonomy & personhood.

A misunderstanding like this, however, or the person having conflicting feelings... It seems like it could just happen to anyone!

Could it happen to me? I hope not, of course. I do all the stuff you're supposed to to avoid it. But I'm not perfect. Hetero women may think they'd never be the one misreading stuff unless they actually mean to assault someone since in present society men usually do the initiating, but as one of those pesky bisexuals, and just someone who believes the best way to avoid becoming blinded, sanctimonious or entitles is to be aware of your own capacity for mistake or evil, I don't want to assume that I'd always get everything right because "im one of the good ones".

No one wants anyone to have an experience like this girl did, or at least i dont, & stuff like education on communication & consent & when-in-doubt-check-in-and-err-on-the-sage-side and centering mutual pleasure instead of the lock/key bullshit is so important. I'm FOR that. I WANT that. I don't consider this okay, or no big deal, or made up. I want a world where that doesn't happen insofar as the imperfect instrument that is human judgement can prevent it.

But how do we make it the standards, how do we promote it? I don't think declaring it rape, thereby putting it on the same level as Cosby, Weinstein or Trump stuff is the way.

I have never believed in "deterrent by harsh punishment to protect people" or "if you don't wanna be punished just don't misbehave" to dismiss fears of unjust or capricious punishment in any other context. I don't believe it when it comes to government spying. I don't believe it when it comes to death penalty. It's authoritarian. Not everyone who professes to be scared of false punishment or how anyone could just make up whatever about what their inner feelings were is just looking to excuse rape; there's insecure young men who are just afraid of messing up. (or heck, queer people, with how their attraction is often portrayed as predatory)

I 100% agree with the goal of minimizing "i felt I had to go along"/"just let it happen" type experiences as much as possible, but the question is how?

like crimes don't exist objectively; they are defined by people with the goal of creating good social incentives. We define and re-define crimes through history, and I'm no longer sure these recent pushs for redefinition have been a constructve ones.

With someone who would deliberately disregard the will of others, that's someone who probably won't engage in good faith & rarely changes their way; In that case, ostracism hammer is merited - they can't be convinced so they must be cut off from victims.

But communication fail isn't like that; those may be people who generally care & are willing to adjust behavior and the threat of the full punishment/ostracism hammer at the slightest misjudgement is more likely to drive them into the arms of extremists or grow resentful & isn't conducive to a working society.

You can't have safety guidelines too clunky to actually use or they will get ignored. It's like abstinence education or red tape. Drunk fucking (not unconscious but responsive/awake) will always happen; nonverbal initiation of sex will always happen. Most times all participants are happywith it.  And we saw in some of the Till stories that even a consistent habit of always asking "should we do this, should we stop, are you sure etc" all the stuff you're rightfully supposed to do to make the chance of it as low as possible, doesn't prevent some people having conflicted feelings or "going along".

I mean, I'm not doubting the girl's experience at all or dismissing the reality of her pain. but it's possible to feel shitty about an experience or find it traumatic without anyone having done a crime to you. What ppl find traumatic can be so subjective, and being dissappointed in how you reacted doesn't mean the other person automatically gets all the blame cause they cant read your mind. They did not "make you" be silent or give indication that they wouldn't listen, so how are they completely to blame?!

Like I realize this cannot be up to the perps, lots of indisputable rapists will say shit like how she "secretly wanted it". - if a girl says she said no, I believe her unless there is a track record of her making random shit up in the past. But if she explicitly says that she didn't say no or give any sign of distress, I see no reason to doubt that either & assume that her inner state "must" have been obvious.

The girl can't help having flawed messy human reactions either but like, will burning some guy on a stake make the trauma go away?

I just - I don't believe in fair world hypothesis and "if you do everything right no one ever feels hurt". I don't believe that doing your best will just automatically be good enough.

To be 100% clear: I don't blame the girl for feeling overwhelmed, but I also can't bring myself to blame the guy for misreading communication if she gives no indication of disliking what's happening. Or, like, both have nonzero responsibility (he should have verbally checked in and neither should have drank so much booze, for starters. ) but neither has full control of all the factors or can be exempted from human fallibility. Sometimes ppl mess up and it can't be 100% avoided & no one is the villain. People can only be judged based on the information they have, they can't be made 100% responsible for the inner state of others that they can't access if those others don't give indications of it. From today's perspective I can say he should have checked in verbally but I could not say that if I had not read about/been educated about why that can be so important/ how its common for ppl to not say anything etc. I might as well say "use a smartphone" to a person from the 90s.

I just can't bring myself to think that for this moment of misjudging her reaction, he's now the same as someone who would threaten another with a knife to get his way - it just seems too cruel to me.

It's unfair that she had a shitty experience, too. But I don't think shitty experiences could be 100% prevented even if no one on earth ever took the slightest lick of risk ever again, that's just outcome bias/ just world fallacy.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

TW: Sexual Abuse , Emotional Abuse

Seeking validation? Support would be nice but this situation feels very unique, so no pressure.

Hi, this rollercoaster takes place over the course of a few years, but I will try to condense to the key points as much as possible.

In 2021, I got involved in a co dependent, emotionally abusive relationship. I was wined and dined, love bombed, isolated, lied to, sexually abused and generally it felt like being torn apart from the inside out. I had known B (we’ll call him B) for a few years before I dated him, and at that time he was married to M. M was always kind and outgoing and they seemed like a perfect couple on the outside, so it was a shocker when I found out she one day suddenly disappeared. Just packed and left and moved across the country. B told his sob story to me and then “confessed” quite suddenly that he never really loved her anyway, and that he had always had his eye on me. Thus began a merry-go-round of walking on eggshells for an entire year.

I left him early 2022, and basically went no contact. I was in a state of dissociation and a deep deep depression. Although it was better than being with him, I had no idea who to turn to after. I was grasping at the air, trying to make sense of one of the most intense and disorienting times of my life. I had lost myself. Being with him was like a surreal nightmare. And I couldn’t possibly begin to process what I had experienced in a way that wouldn’t make me sound insane to anyone on the outside.

So I did the unthinkable and reached out his ex wife, M. I told her I might have a good idea now as to why she left him and hoped that wherever she was, she was safe and happy now. I wasn’t expecting a response, but she replied with overwhelming support and love and kindness. We talked, cried, laughed, shared our experiences, and uncovered SO MANY LIES. We still couldn’t completely put it into words what we went through, but the unspoken validation was much needed (for both of us. She had left feeling like she had been the problem the whole time) and appreciated. Her sympathetic and understanding ear saved me, and I am forever grateful for her.

Fast forward to July 4th 2023. Me and M are both in therapy and have been moving forward with our own lives respectively. I have done a lot of work on myself and my self confidence and no longer have nightmares of B. Progress! I woke up on the 4th to a message here on tumblr (I have no other social media accounts as I had a feeling B was stalking me online). Turns out I may have been right, because the message was from B’s most recent ex gf. She said he spoke of me a lot, painting me as a psychotic ex, and that he was now doing the same to her. She’s not from our area, and she had been isolated because he “intensely insisted it be that way” and she had no support. My heart sank and I was shaking all over when I read it. She said that she had never reached out to an exes ex before and that she felt like a psycho for doing so but she didn’t know what else to do. And she also wants to know the truth, because she’s had a feeling for a while that the things he had told her about me and M were “fabricated to fit his own narrative”.

He told her extremely personal things about me, things that most others don’t know. This stranger knew more things than I initially realized and I feel personally violated. I did the work. I’m going through therapy and am diagnosed with PTSD. Im tackling my rough days and I’m implementing coping skills regularly. I was not prepared for this. But I can’t turn my back on someone in need. Because I know what it’s like, and M was there for me when I felt like I was drowning in insanity. I haven’t told M about this because she’s been through enough. There is no reason to drag her back into B’s mess again.

It’s just so bizarre how he is leaving this trail of hurt people behind him, and I’m realizing it’s become a pattern of picking up the broken pieces he leaves behind. Because the experience with him is so isolated and there is no physical evidence to hold against him for the damage he does. It’s all in our heads. But the destruction is very real. I’m not sure how to end this whole…thing but I think it would be comforting to know if anyone has experienced something like this? Because it seems unreal to me.

Thank you for time, and all the good work you do here.

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry about what you've been through. I admire your strength to confront what happened, get answers, and heal. You've been through a lot. I'm also glad to hear that you were able to connect with your abuser's ex wife, and I hope therapy has been going well.

I relate to a lot of what you've shared, especially the last paragraph. In my experience, my abuser acts oblivious to the damage he's done but it's hard to believe because of how calculated he is, and how desperate he is to avoid accountability. He was only in my high school for a single year but he managed to hurt dozens of people there, stranding the victims from each other as well. And since he often moved from school to school, the idea of him being a tornado is accurate, knowing there are other schools in the same exact position. I wonder if any of this resonates with you. Suffice to say, you're not alone.

Please remember that it doesn't have to be physically visible to be valid or severe, sometimes the effect it leaves on our psyche is much worse than it could ever be physically. I think too often we're made to feel like it has to be physical to be "real" enough.

If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[yahargulian]

im gonna send you a bunch of these fic asks xgxbdhnxjs SOOO 7, 27, 41, 43, 58, go!

Catch me kicking my feet excitedly hehe here we go!!

7. Post a snippet from a wip.

"Satisfied that, for the moment at least, they were in no immediate danger, Leon let his stance loosen just a touch, the hand hovering over his pistol falling away to his side. He took a deep, steadying breath.  That was his first mistake.  Because the thing that this line of work never prepares you for – never could prepare anyone for, really – is the visceral nature of shit like this. Sure, logically it makes sense that if flesh burns, you’d be able to hear it, smell it. And, it also makes sense that such an experience would be... unpleasant.  But they had just melted a body – a very large body at that – in molten metal.  Unpleasant didn’t quite cut it. " This is also the last thing I wrote for any of my wips! This is one of the two fics I'm actively (slowly) working on - the other one being the key fic, which I've posted a snippet of before - and I'm so excited for them both honestly. This one in particular I'm trying to make like.. As Visceral As Possible. Just go absolutely ham asgjkdhasg it's gonna be fun!

27. What area of writing do you feel strongest in?

I'm trying to figure out how best to word this, but like.. Structuring sentences and things to help get the Vibe across. I've always typed exactly like I talk, even in messages, so I'm always like. Kind of thinking about how to best express myself using not just the words, but also the way the words are gonna be read and, hence, interpreted. Or, well, that's what I think anyway ashgkjadsjg tho I got told recently that I have a distinct voice when it comes to how I type and that it's present in my writing too, so hopefully I'm doing something right! (And I'm still not over it like.. I have a writing voice? Me? For realsies?)

41. Who’s your favourite character you’ve written?

Leon! And maybe I'm biased, because he is literally just. One of my favourite characters ever, I love him. And also maybe this is influenced by the fact that I hadn't actively written much for a good year or two until I fell into RE fandom all of three months ago. But anyway, I love to burrow my way into his head and poke around and see how he works and take stock of all the emotions and vibes, and then absolutely put him through the wringer ahdjkgahjgsdj It's an expression of love, promise! But a very close second would be Wanderer from Genshin Impact - and for pretty much the same reasons. His whole situation is way, way more complicated than Leon's, but he fascinates me in the same way. There's a lot to consider with them both. A lot of 'what if's and regret and guilt. Trying to do some good for the world. Both stories of a young, bright-eyed and naïve guy who gets thrown into a situation way beyond his control, and comes out of it as one of the only survivors. A situation that kills a part of him.. I think I have a type.

43. Is there a trope or idea that you’d really like to write but haven’t yet?

Soulmates and time loop fic - and these both come to mind immediately because I'm planning to do them both in one go sometime soon! Yippee! I really want to finish a sex pollen fic. Or just anything in that specific kind of trope. I have one wip (in a document titled 'eeby deeby') that's sitting at like 4,000 words and has been for two years now and one day. One day! I will finish it adshgjkh And, not a trope, but I want to write something that's just a little unhinged. Just in general really, not even in a specific circumstance. Sometimes the best way to fully express an emotion in writing is to take it to an extreme, I think

58. Do you have a favourite piece of figurative language you’ve written?

"Through Azar’s hand, the path of Sumeru’s future was cut in cursive." Now like. I am kinda happy with just this as a line, but the context for it is what makes it my favourite. Because this is a wip (that I really need to finish for a friend omg) where one guy kinda gets off to this guy having really good handwriting? There's more to it than that, but something about having this line in this fic - which I wrote based on a joke that got out of hand - just brings me so much joy ahdgjkhgd

[gender-mailman]

i think yan!mailman is my fp </3

HOLY SHIT! I- I WOULD NEVER EXPECT THIS TO HAPPEN TO ONE OF MY OCS!!!! HGFDSHSJFDGFDOGUH /VPOS!! GHFDSHGFHFGFD I- I JUST FEEL SO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA /VPOS

[chisatowo]

I wish I was better at writing down my thoughts

[potol0ver]

Howdy pardner 🤠🐴

You said you were begging for a request for Erik to worship someone. I don’t know if you’re doing specific requests, but here’s one if you’re up for it:

Musical!Erik x Y/N

Erik had a really rough day dealing with the manager’s bullshit or smthn like that. Y/N comes down to visit him, and sees how upset he is. They ask what they can do to help him, and after collecting himself, he half-smiles.

“You can let me admire you~” He then proceeds to thoroughly kiss and praise and tease Y/N (consensually) as a stress-reliever and a way to redirect his emotions.

#LetThisManGetWhippedForHisS/O

- Yeehaw Anon 🐴

OH HELL YES- i love this idea. Also im leaving this one open ended at the end to keep it GN, don’t worry i have a smut prompt waiting for me to write it so if you want direct smut it’ll be out sometime this week most likely <3

Tags; Soft dom Erik x GN Reader, suggestive towards the end, fluffy, simi smut, Erik being obsessed with you, chest play (not said to have boobs though), short and sweet

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sound of Erik’s organ rang through the catacombs as you walked down to his lair. You knew the rehearsal went wrong but you didn’t expect it to go so wrong he’d be hitting his organ keys this hard. Breathing in and sighing you finally made it to Erik’s abode and well… he looked pissed. His wig and mask were off, and playing the organ while standing.

Walking closer you practically tell his name so he could hear you. Once he did hear you he whipped his head towards you with an angry expression that quickly softened seeing you there. Defeated he plopped down on his organs bench and placed his head in his hands.

“You have no idea how bad today went,” he said with a slight roughness to his voice, almost like his voice was sore from yelling, “Carlotta wouldn’t take the advice from the conductor, and by doing that sabotaging the rehearsal,” you stood beside him now placing a hand in his back as he ranted, “the ballet dancers were supposed to try out a new routine but since Madame Giry had family matters to attend to the ballet dancers looked like they had two left feet, and the prop people were too drunk to do anything on cue, it was a shit show.”

Holding back a laugh at his word choice, you just sigh and console him. “That truly does sound like a shit show, I'm sorry that happened my love. Especially Carlotta, my spine has chills just thinking about what she sounded like, and not in a good way.” Erik gives a slight chuckle as you sit on the bench next to him. “Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”

Sitting up Erik looked at you with eyes and asked “Can we snuggle please?”

“Of course my love,” quickly standing up you lead Erik by his hand to the bed. Once you got to the bed you laid down, he followed by climbing in next to you and holding you close burying his face into your neck. Slowly rubbing circles unto his back he slowly started to melt into you, finally relaxing.

You were about to fall asleep when he started to kiss your neck. “Erik, you should be relaxing.”

“Please, I need to worship you right now,” he begged into your neck as he started to put his hands under your clothes. Given you always got flustered when he paid attention to you like this, you could only muster up a nod. Soon enough his hands started to undo your clothing, all while his kisses on your neck never stopped.

Once your chest was exposed fully to him, he gently started to massage your chest. You couldn't help but let out some small whines as Erik kissed his way down to your nipple and popped it into his mouth. Gently rolling it with his tongue, his hands worked on getting your lower half naked too.

Once your whole body was exposed to him, Erik just gently ghosted his hands over your thighs to your waist and back down again. As much as you loved this you needed more, your hips slightly rolled trying to gain any friction they can. “Please Erik, stop teasing me.”

“No no, please, please let me bask in you. You feel divine.” he whined against your chest, barely letting your nipple go when he begged. You could tell tonight was going to be a long night for you.

[naxcoffe]

do u know how to manifest changing my physical appearance?

I do my makeup everyday for school and I try to fulfill myself but I’m just really anxious about how I’m going to look in the morning and how I’m going to think. I fufill myself in the morning and then when im at school I just unconsciously think “dude I look this way ugh” Ik I put too much attention to the 3D but idk what to do

Hey anonymous! Omg you’re my first anon heheh. Thank you for trusting me enough. Now, I think you’ve forgot something:

You’re not fulfilling yourself to change the outside world, just the internal world.

Look, that might sound fucking insane, the whole reason you’re getting into manifesting is to change things, but remember that the law of assumption or manifestation is just so easy and we tend to over complicate it.

Manifestation works like this

internal world (your imagination, whatever you believe is true) = your outside world (what you see everyday)

The outside (or your physical world) only executes what is in your beliefs.

If I’m telling you that whatever you feel is true and know that is real manifest on the outside and REFLECTS (this word is key) why would you look outside for validation?

YOUR WHOLE LIFE, YOUR IMAGINATION HAS WORKED IN YOUR FAVOR! The difference is that you were persisting in the wrong things.

Has it happened that you thought something was going to happen and you persisted in that idea and out of sudden it happened? It’s all a product of your imagination. The outside world (what you see at school everyday, what you look in the mirror) will never satisfy you like your imagination because it is happening to you right now.

Then how I feel it real?!?

First, when you think of your desire think it in a way that is comfortable for you. You will never be comfortable in something that comes from a state of sadness and uncomfortableness , MAKE THE PROCESS OF FULFILLING AS SOMETHING FULL OF LOVE! Or at least an emotion that you want to express in. Make this as something you’ll always want to do! See this as something that’ll make you feel good, not as a chore.

When you think of your appearance, DIVE in your imagination, feel sexy (lol), feel desired, feel happy, whatever you would feel like if you had it. When you imagine think as if the outside world didn’t exist and just get into the feeling and let yourself enjoy.

Also, if you feel anxious, don’t force yourself to not be. Feelings and emotions are humans, I PROMISE that nothing is going to happen if you have an anxiety attack, let it happen as your human self but in your creation self (the one who is imagining) look at it as just feelings, OUTSIDE feelings, and they’re just that!

if you ever feel judged for feeling a certain way in your imagination, remember that YOU are the one who is letting the judgement, YOU are the one stopping yourself, not the outside. Choose LOVE! You are DIVINE!

Hope i made it clear sweetie, if other doubts pop up, don’t mind commenting 💌‼️.

*pretend like you’re this girl from this gif in your imagination 💭*