#i have new content for this week i promise adulting is just hard

[mv1simp]

max taking advantage of innocent!best friend!reader … like a dynamic where he spoils her a lot and has made him look her think that all his strange behaviors/touches are normal

I’VE BEEN OBSESSED WITH THIS IDEA FOR AGES THANK U FOR GIVING ME AN EXCUSE TO WRITE IT 🙏🙏🙏

Friends ♥️

Max Verstappen x Childhood Best Friend!Reader

And what the hell were we, tell me we weren’t just friends, this doesn’t make much sense, no

Max has been your closest friend since childhood, promising to always look after you. Sure, everyone gossips that you two are secretly dating, that it’s not normal for friends to be so close, so touchy - but Max blows it all off. So when you ask him for help when you want to get a boyfriend for the first time, it shouldn’t be a problem because Max doesn’t like you like that…right?

Content includes: 18+ MDNI, smut, innocent virgin! Reader, manipulative dark best friend! Max, dubcon, size kink, dom/sub, somnophilia, recording, this is DARK 🥸 3.3k WC

You and Max had grown up close together, your families being good friends as your fathers had raced together back in the day. He had been shy and awkward when you met, age 5 and 6, but as soon as he had stepped in front of you in defence when you had been bullied in school the next day, you vowed to always be loyal to him. Your families approved the friendship, laughing and taking pictures when you two would play house - Max always being the husband doll to your wife doll, of course. You two did everything together - school, holidays, racing where you always came to support him bearing snacks and words of encouragement. So when he asked you at age 18 to move with him to Monaco you didn’t even hesitate to say yes - not imagining a life without your Maxie by your side.

Your move raised a few eyebrows from your family, who had been suprised that you hadn’t outgrown what they had thought was an innocent childhood crush. Your older sister had been especially worried at the thought of you alone in a new city with only Max there to support you. She noticed, sometimes, when he thought no one was watching - how his eyes would be watching you, in a way eerily similar to how a wolf watched a lamb he was about to devour whole. Althought it had taken a lot of pleading from your end to win her over, it had been easy enough to convince your parents to let you go, explaining you were enrolling in Monaco University - being bankrolled by Max’s new generous F1 salary - and yes, promised that you were staying in your own separate apartment. And that had been the plan, but when you stood in the entrance to Max’s penthouse a few weeks later, dripping head to toe with sprinkler water because somehow your up to code apartment had a fire when you had been out, he had insisted you stay at his until you found a new place - just for a short while. A short while then turned into a long while which then turned into the lockdown and at the end of it all Max had said you just couldn’t leave, he was too used to having you there that coming home to an empty apartment would be too hard. And although you had worried, saying that as you both got older it might be strange that you now lived together and people would talk, Max shot down all your concerns, reassuring you with a warm hug and sweet kiss to your forehead that the only opinion that mattered was yours, and as long as you’re happy Schat, I don’t really care what anyone else thinks. You had blushed from the affection and that was the end of that discussion.

You’d always been quite sheltered, naive even - and going to a strict private school meant you hadn’t had any romantic or sexual experience whatsoever. Growing up, it was clear to the adults around you that you had always held a crush on Max, and althought the older boy would always look out for you, he didn’t reciprocate to the same way - at least that’s what they thought. They hadn’t noticed that when you two had been gently separated one night when it had been deemed you were too old to sleep in the same bed anymore, Max had crept back and grabbed your hand as he lay next to you, mumbling he couldn’t sleep without you, liefje. No one noticed that this habit continued well into your teens, when Max would climb in through your bedroom window - initially making you freak out but soon reassured by Max’s words that your parents were just too strict, you were just two best friends wanting to spend time together.

And the first time you woke up one morning to feel something thick and hard pressing into you from the back, scaring you a bit, Max had gently rubbed your shoulder from the back while telling you it was okay, it’s just something that happens sometimes when a guy sleeps next to a pretty girl, you had blushed and accepted the compliment. And no one knew that behind closed doors your chaste goodbye kisses to Max’s cheek began turning into loving kisses on the lips when he had tilted your head up, saying he was going to miss you so much when he went on his first F1 race and he deserves a goodbye kiss for good luck from you, didn’t he?

And of course you would always give Max whatever he asked for since he was your best friend, your protector, the person you loved the most in the world. He’d pay for you, drive you everywhere, cheer you up when you were down, make you laugh, patiently take you shopping and rate every outfit you tried on, fight anyone who dared to give you a hard time - and the rest of the paddock had definitely noticed the lingering attentions of the Redbull driver to his childhood friend. Daniel and Lando constantly gave him shit for it, saying he needed to grow a pair and just confess instead of making puppy eyes at his “best friend”. Max always just rolled his eyes at their gossiping ways.

But it was hard to deny their claims when Max would pull you in to sit on his lap at a games night making everyone smirk at you, or when you would emerge from his hotel room the next morning since you two still shared a bed everytime you went away - it’s just like a sleepover when we were little, scatje, nothing wrong with it - or when at fancy award ceremonies or galas Max would be photographed in his tux, a vogue model at his side as his latest girlfriend - and you on his other side, wearing a luxury dress he’d brought for you. The paparazzi would eat up the dirty looks Max’s flings would always be shooting you, knowing they always came second to his best friend.

The thing was, even when sometimes doubt would flicker in your mind that things were too intimate, too romantic, between you and Maxie - you couldn’t bring yourself to want to draw back. You’d always secretly had such a crush on the older boy growing up, but since he had never directly reciprocated and was now a big world champion with women around every corner in Monaco after him, you’d learnt to accept your feelings were unrequited and you needed to stop reading so much into Max’s pure intentions to look after you. After all, that’s what best friends did, right?

And oh, did Max look after you. It seemed every week he’d level up more and more. Matching jewellery and heels to go with the designer dresses, and lately you had come home to find matching lingerie in Max’s favourite colour, dark blue. You had blushed furiously, feeling an indescribable icky pit in your stomach and remembering your sister’s warnings - Max goes too far, he pushes the boundaries of a normal friendship - but Max put all your worries to ease over the homecooked dinner you made him that night, explaining that the latest dress just happened to come with matching accessories and he wanted to make sure that you felt beautiful in all the layers you wore and it was normal to give your best friends gift, no? But he could return it if you’d prefer… prompting you to hastily accept his intimate gift, reassuring him that it was so thoughtful and you were so grateful. He’d looked so pleased with your response that when he ordered more and more sets, each one getting just a touch more lacier and risqué, you just thanked him for each one. And when he asked you how you found your gift, could he have a look at it, please schatje, I always help you pick your prettiest outfits right? You had nodded in agreement, blushing but shyly pulling his hoodie off your torso to expose the outrageously expensive La Perla black lace set you wore, accentuating your plump ass and pushing your tits up for him to hungrily look at. Max’s gaze had lingered there for a long time, his gaze turning dark and you had felt that same uncomfortable pit begin to settle in your stomach again when he saw the look on your face and patted your soft, chubby waist in reassurance, saying don’t be embarrased, schat, we always grew up seeing each other like this, right? Remember that photo of us swimming in that pool in Ibiza? Completely naked? Besides, you’ve seen me shirtless so many times, this is the same as that. That was true, you accepted dreamily, and not thinking anything of it when Max started asking you to send photos of you modelling the cute sets he’d get delivered to you when he was away. You happily snapped away mirror selfies, in all the different angles he wanted to see you from, even strange ones you weren’t quite sure about like bend over and stick your hips right up in the air, hmm schat?

He’d kiss you goodbye now all the time, saying you were his cute little good luck charm, with the expectation that you’d open your lips wide for him, letting him shove his tongue into your mouth and explore it to his hearts content. Gotta have a better kiss to get better luck. It felt so nice and made you feel all tingly between your legs so you would never turn it down. And since Max was away more and more with his racing schedule, often he would come home and fall asleep straight in your bed, saying he had missed being away from you so much. You had thought it was so sweet, no one else but you got to see Maxie like that, you were the only one he depended on. So you easily wrapped yourself up in his embrace, just like when you two had been little - except this time Max would say you’re so tense, schat, let me help you relax a bit, my physio knows this great muscle relaxation technique-

And it felt soo nice when he rubbed your sensitive little body up and down, you had no complaints, not even when some nights he would travel much, much lower down your plush little tummy than he had before. You just obediently parted your legs for him when he commanded in his deep voice, running his thick finger up your slit through your wet lace panties. And sometimes you’d wake up to feel that very familiar hardness of his behind you, soo warm now as he took himself out of his sweatpants and let his cock rest against you. Feels all tense, sweetheart, cause you kept rubbing against it last night and I didn’t get any sleep he would sigh.

You’d feel terrible, apologising profusely for interrupting his precious sleep when he trained so much, asking how you could make it up to him when Max had said just gonna let it relax out onto you, yeah? Don’t worry, you can even go back to bed, baby. You’d nodded sleepily, so grateful that Maxie was so sweet he always put your sleep first, even when his had been deprived.

He’d waited before you were comfortably nuzzled back against him, breaths turning deeper as sleep overtook you before slowly lifting your damp panties out of the way, and sliding his leaking tip just along the entrance to your innocent hole, making you moan, half asleep cause it felt soo good, and you felt so guilty that you felt so much pleasure while Max had just become frustrated overnight. With your eyes screwed shut you’d never notice the dark lustful look in his eyes, the evil smirk on his face as he had his way with you, letting him getting away with practically murder if it was for the sake of your friendship. You let him continue gliding his cock along your puffy folds, his tip repeatedly stimulating your sensitive clit, his large hands coming up to fondle at your boobs that has somehow slipped out of your camisole and gently flick your nipples before he tensed, holding you tightly against him as his breaths quickened. You has felt something warm and wet leaking out from the sides of your panties. You looked down, dazed, but Max shushed you back asleep, lulling you into his arms again. And when you woke up next you always had a clean pair of fresh panties on, camisole tucked back down over your thick hips, Max no where in sight.

As you grew up, your sexual curiosity eventually began to peak. When all of your friends in uni had gotten boyfriends and giggled to you about how good sex felt, you had gotten curious too. of course, you would never bring it up with Max even though you two talked about everything - because you should only be talking about sex with your future boyfriend, right? But one day when you had come home early from class you had heard lewd noises coming from Max’s bedroom. So lewd that you had been unable to stop yourself from peeking through a slight gap. The sight of Max thrusting himself into his latest girlfriend, her face pushed down into the mattress as he drilled into her from the back made you blush furiously. You’d stood there for a little while, your panties getting damp at the sight of sweat dripping down Max’s abs before you had caught yourself and scurried away, so guilty about violating Max’s privacy like that. You were such a creep, what was wrong with you?!

But that afternoon had also made you realize Maxie had so much more experience than you as you hadn’t been sure what a lot of the movement and positions you had seen that day were. And Max had said you could always ask him for help with anything, right? You couldn’t quite build up the courage to ask him - until your classmate asked you out one day, making you giddy with excitement but come crushing down when he had later found out on the date that you were a virgin, and had said maybe it was best for you to be with someone who was more on your level, that he didn’t feel comfortable being with someone so inexperienced for a casual fling. You’d come home sobbing, running straight into Max’s arms in your cute little dress and strappy heels, crying Maxie, he was so mean, you’d never believe what he said-

Max had been furious when you told him the story. He was so, so angry - not only at your classmate, but at you, for going on this date and not telling him, the way you would always tell Max about everything you did in your day. How could you be so careless, so slutty to go out with a guy like that? Max demanded, making your eyes widen and cry harder. It’s those new girlfriends of yours, aren’t they, they’re such fucking whores.

You’d never seen him so angry before, not even when he had a DNF at a race weekend. He’d only seems to calm down when you had looked up at him with innocent eyes, pleading Maxie, please, will you teach me how to be a good girlfriend, I don’t want to be so inexperienced anymore.

He’d sighed and run his hands through your hair, wiping away the tears that had made mascara drip down your cheeks. Of course, schat. I’ll show you exactly how to be a good little girlfriend. But promise me that you won’t talk to another guy without my permission first, okay? I have to protect you and make sure that you’re trained enough to have a boyfriend.

It was so, so sweet of Max to take time out of his busy schedule to help your embarrassing problem, you thought dreamily. You never noticed that your classmate never turned up to class again, but did have to go to hospital that week for a new black eye and bruised ribs.

Meanwhile, Max first started your “lessons” by showing you how to pump him from soft to a raging erection, guiding your hands into his sweatpants and moving your hands up and down, after you spit cutely into your palms to ease the glide. You didn’t notice the smirk on his face as he watched your struggle to jack off his entire sizeable length with your tiny palms.

Then he’d shown you how to use your mouth to make him feel good. You’d sat on your ass for hours in between his legs as he absentmindedly played his game, drawing kitten licks up his shaft before he’d taken over and told you to relax that tight throat of yours, baby, as he shoved his cock inside your mouth. He’d jackhammered away happily without any regard for the tears that emerged from your eyes. You had coughed, spluttered, throat raw for days as Max made you practise on the daily, tutting at you in mock disappointment when your gag reflux got in the way and you stopped halfway down his length. He’d pulled you up to sit on his lap, his hard cock wedged in between your plush thighs, as he put a dirty video onto the TV - petite ebony deepthroats massive white cock like a pro.

You had blushed and stuttered at the obscene video, looking away at one point but Max had forced your head back to look at the scene, saying don’t miss this bit, schat, look how she doesn’t forget about his balls, yeah?

You’d watched video after dirty video until you had perfected your blowjob technique exactly to Max’s likings. You look up obediently at him as he points his phone at you, flash on and all, recording your performance for reference, of course scatje, we need to track your progress, right? as you sloppily took his hard cock into your eager mouth, all the way to the base, gag reflux well and truly trained out of you from his daily discipline.

You’d woken up the next morning to find Max’s blonde curls between your legs, his tongue sweetly licking at your most innocent parts and you had squealed in shock, Maxie what are you doing ohmygod- but he quickly thrust his fingers into your drooling mouth to shut you up, just progressing to the next level, sweetheart, you need to learn to cum whenever I ask you too.

You’d squeaked and whined as his tongue didn’t stop flicking your clit, his fingers now joining in abusing your poor little virgin cunny until you begged him to pull away, Maxie please I feel funny, I think I’m going to pee- Ahhh!!! You’d ended up squirting all over his fingers and tongue, immediately passing out from exhaustion at the sheer intensity and missing the dark, pleased grin on Max’s face as he licked up your juices from his fingers. God, it was almost too easy to brainwash you into his perfect little pet. Soon he’d having you asking him to claim your virginity, he just knew it. And he would not hesitate, taking what had always belonged him anyways. He’d have made you his housewife a long time ago if your goddamn sister hadn’t kept cockblocking him.

Never mind that. Even she wouldn’t be able to withhold her blessing when you’d turn up at the next family gathering, glowing and expecting his child, he thought darkly. Smirking to himself, Max unbuttoned his pants, freeing his hard cock. In fact, why wait to feed you some bullshit excuse about how no baby, virgins can’t get pregnant the first time or no, I can’t use a condom, schat, it’s bad for you to have something unnatural inside you.

He might as well start now and give you a thick creampie as your present to wake up to later ♥️ After all, you’d take it like the good girl you always were for him.

—————————————————————————

A/N: Chile anywaysssss don’t mind me and my depraved thoughts. Gotta go drink some holy water fr. Lmk what you guys thought! Feel free to request more x

[alsofoundinpeas]

The View from Here

Summary: After a few chance encounters, Spencer finds himself developing a crush on Y/N. When he discovers she lives across from him, he spends countless hours admiring her from a distance, too nervous to make the first move. But when her package is mistakenly delivered to his door, it sparks the beginning of something more than just a crush and stolen glances through the window. (Part Two)

CONTENT WARNINGS: 18+ MDNI!! This fic is intended for adult audiences. This could be considered dubcon (Spencer watches reader through her window but doesn't realize that she actually wants him to) so please be aware of that! Masturbation (both m and f). Use of a sex toy/penetrative use of a sex toy (f!receiving). Perv!Spencer (he means well truly, but alas he is a man) but also a hint of Perv!Reader (since she's intentionally doing things to grab his attention?? I'm not quite sure how to label that I'm sorry!!) Themes of voyeurism/exhibitionism (they both watch each other get off). Sub!Spencer (gotta squint for it now but it'll be more prevalent in part two). Both fluffy and smutty

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader/afab!reader

A/N: This was started to fill a request for sub!Spencer but I got carried away forgive me LMAO but part two is almost complete and will be out soon :') I wrote this with season two Reid in mind before the writers (further) traumatized the absolute fuck out of him. This is a bit different from my usual writing, so I truly hope you guys enjoy it! As always, please let me know what you guys think and if you do enjoy it then please like, reblog, and share it with your friends. <3 I truly do appreciate each and every single one of you and the feedback I get from you guys, I promise :') <3 Thank you and I love you all!! :)

The door slammed behind him as Spencer stormed into his apartment, tossing his satchel onto the couch with an angry groan. The stress of work had been wearing him down for weeks, but today had pushed him over the edge.

He’d just wrapped up the reports for their latest case and was on his way to deliver them to Hotch when an oblivious agent from the sex crimes unit collided with him. The force sent the cup of scalding coffee in her hands flying, drenching him and his case files. Instead of responding to her blubbered apologies, he had just stomped off to the bathroom to clean himself and calm down. Not only was it painful and humiliating, but it also destroyed all of his hard work. Work he'd now have to redo tomorrow.

Spencer exhaled sharply, fingers raking through his hair as he trudged toward the bedroom. All he wanted was to strip off his coffee-stained clothes and lose himself in the pages of his new book, anything to escape the tension of the day. Once inside, he moved to close the curtains but stopped short, his eyes landing on something unexpected just before he pulled them shut. His body went rigid, his heart racing as an unfamiliar warmth spread through him. He blinked, barely able to believe what he was seeing.

There, in the apartment directly across from his bedroom window, was Y/N.

Spencer had bumped into her a handful of times—their first meeting happening at the library just down the street when they'd both reached for the same book, then a few chance encounters after that at his favorite coffee shop, and the most recent interaction being one of the most mortifying moments of his life.

He’d stumbled over the sidewalk on his way to work, and he’d never wanted to disappear into the ground more than in that moment. But she had been there, her smile warm and gracious as she helped him gather the scattered books and case files that had spilled from his satchel, her kindness leaving him flustered and breathless. He’d been captivated by her the first time they met, but it was that moment that truly cemented his fascination with her.

Spencer’s breath caught in his throat when he realized how wrong it was to be watching her through her bedroom window. But despite the guilt creeping in, he couldn’t bring himself to look away. It was as if he were under some kind of spell, captivated by the sight of her spinning around her room, carefree and radiant.

She wore a loose t-shirt that slipped off one shoulder and the tiniest pair of shorts he’d ever seen, completely at ease in her own space. She held something in her hand, singing into it like a microphone, completely lost in the music. Spencer didn’t realize when it happened, but a smile tugged at his lips, the stress of the day forgotten as he watched her. Her joy was so genuine and infectious that it pulled at him in ways he hadn’t expected, leaving him momentarily breathless.

His thoughts were interrupted when Y/N twirled around, singing as she faced her window. Spencer released a startled yelp, frantically yanking the curtains shut before she could catch him staring. His heart raced in his chest as he dared a quick peek through the fabric, anxious to see if she had noticed. Thankfully, she seemed oblivious, still happily dancing around her room, unaware of his presence.

"Oh my God," Spencer muttered, a wave of relief washing over him as he realized he hadn’t been caught staring like a complete weirdo at the woman he’d developed a crush on, despite having barely exchanged five sentences with her.

He was sure she didn't even remember his name. Why would she? All he'd managed to do during their brief interactions (besides busting his ass on the concrete the one time) was stutter out barely audible attempts at conversation before hastily retreating, his face scarlet and slacks uncomfortably tight.

Spencer had assumed Y/N lived nearby, but he hadn’t realized she was this close.

The day's weight melted away as Spencer peeled off his work clothes and slipped into his pajamas. He grabbed his book from the nightstand and sank back into his pillows, propping himself up against the headboard. But as he tried to focus on the pages, the image of Y/N dancing in her room kept invading his thoughts. His mind refused to settle, consumed with ideas of how he might run into her again now that he knew that not only was she just a building away—she was right across from him.

As the weeks passed, Spencer’s routine began to mirror Y/N’s more and more as he grew increasingly familiar with her schedule.

He began waking up earlier, noticing that she typically left her apartment an hour before he needed to head to work. With the extra time, Spencer found himself watching her with quiet awe each morning while she got ready, fascinated by how the soft light from the window seemed to illuminate her features as she did her hair and makeup. He also started visiting his favorite coffee shop daily instead of just once a week, hoping for a chance encounter before his workday began.

Night after night Spencer found his gaze inevitably drawn to her window, the soft glow of her bedroom lighting luring him in like a moth to a flame. He would trace her movements, pretending to read his book as it shielded his face, should he need to feign innocence. Something was alluring about her, even in the simplest moments—whether she was folding laundry or typing away on her computer, she was impossible to look away from.

Spencer couldn’t shake his curiosity about Y/N’s habit of leaving her curtains open.

Did she know he could see her? Was it intentional? Their apartments, situated at the ends of the buildings on the top floors, offered a level of privacy that made him feel certain (or at least, he desperately hoped) that no one else could be watching. Perhaps she’d noticed his frequent absences and simply stopped caring about keeping them shut.

The first case away from D.C. after Spencer learned Y/N was so close was more difficult than he expected. As he lay awake in his hotel room, his thoughts kept drifting to her, and the longing grew with each passing hour. He missed her. The only thing driving him was the need to finish the case quickly so he could return to the familiar comfort of his bed, where he could silently admire her from a distance.

The longer he thought about her, the tighter his boxers got. Spencer huffed out a pitiful whine, his hands clenching and unclenching beside himself as he tried to fight his shameful thoughts. This wasn't the first time he'd had these thoughts about her since meeting her, no. But it is the first time he's had the mental image of her undressing to go along with his fantasies.

The first time it happened, Spencer had all but thrown himself off his bed in his haste to close his curtains. His heart had pounded so hard his chest ached as he'd squeezed his eyes shut, willing the sight of her raising her shirt over her head and tossing it carelessly to the ground out of his mind. The second time, he took a little more time to slink over to his window and draw his curtains, his pulse racing at the sight of her bare back and the smallest glimpse of lacy panties as she began to shimmy out of her pants. The third time, he had crouched by his window, peeking out despite having pulled his curtains closed, and watched as she stripped completely before heading into her conjoined bathroom.

That was the first and (so far) only time he'd touched himself to what he'd seen.

The moment her bathroom door had clicked shut, Spencer sprang to his feet and hurried into his own bathroom, tearing his clothes off before stepping underneath the stream of hot water. One of his palms smacked the wall while his other hand frantically pumped his aching cock, whimpers and groans flowing freely from his lips as he imagined Y/N's hand around him instead of his own. It didn't take long for him to spill into his hand, and unfortunately, it took even less time for the guilt to slam into him at the realization of what he'd done.

After that night, Spencer had vowed to himself that he wouldn't let it happen again, knowing just how inherently wrong it was to jerk off to the sight of his neighbor (the woman he secretly admired) getting undressed when she had no idea she had even been watched.

But tonight, alone and frustrated in his hotel room, he was struggling to stick to that vow.

After another hour of tossing and turning in bed, Spencer released a resigned sigh. "Just this once," he murmured to himself, swallowing hard. He let his hand slip underneath the waistband of his boxers to push them down his thighs before spitting in his palm, hissing at the contact as his hand wrapped around his arousal. His eyes fluttered shut as his imagination began to take over, his hand slowly increasing its pace as images of Y/N and her lacy panties raced through his mind.

Spencer's mouth hung open as his thumb swiped over the swollen tip of his cock, a bead of precum oozing out and aiding his movements. He pictured her hovering above him, her gaze teasing as she stroked him faster and faster. He imagined how she'd sound as she talked him through it, her sweet voice luring him closer and closer to the edge. His hips bucked into his hand as his climax took hold of him, a choked moan of Y/N's name ripping its way from his throat as he painted his heaving chest with his cum.

With shaky hands, he cleaned himself, still dizzy from the aftershocks of his orgasm. After wiping himself off, he collapsed onto the bed, surrendering to the exhaustion that weighed him down. That night, his dreams were filled with Y/N—her radiant smile, her captivating voice, and the tenderness in her eyes whenever they met his. When he woke the next morning, breathless and murmuring her name, he realized he was in deep.

What Spencer didn’t know was that Y/N had known exactly what she was doing all along.

From the moment she reached for the same book as him—an act carefully planned to give her an excuse to talk to him—she’d been captivated by the stuttering genius. New to the neighborhood, she had noticed him a few times before finally gathering the courage to make her move. All it took was his flustered "Oh! I-I’m so sorry, here—" paired with furrowed brows and those wide, innocent eyes, and she was utterly entranced.

When Y/N discovered that Spencer lived right across from her, it felt like she’d hit the jackpot.

After their previous encounters, she’d quickly noticed the effect she had on him, and from that moment, she devised a plan to capture his attention. She began with subtle moves, leaving her curtains open one night so he’d realize she was the one across from him. She chose an outfit she was sure would draw his gaze, and when he nearly ripped his curtain rod off the wall, convinced she’d caught him looking, she knew she’d succeeded.

When Y/N noticed he was waking up earlier, watching her get ready with curious eyes over what he clearly thought was a cleverly placed book (which, in reality, did nothing to hide his attention), she decided it was time to raise the stakes.

The first time she undressed with the curtains open, she sank to her knees cackling at how quickly Spencer had scrambled out of bed to shut his own. The second time, she relished in how he hesitated before shutting his curtains so he could catch a glimpse of her lacy panties (ones she’d chosen with him in mind), but it still wasn't enough. By the third time, she was done teasing. She’d stripped down completely bare in her room, grinning smugly as she turned to walk into her bathroom because she’d seen Spencer not-so-subtly peeking through his curtains.

When Spencer still didn’t make a move after that, Y/N decided she was done waiting.

With him away on a case for the past three days, she saw the perfect opportunity to set her new plan in motion. After work one evening, she made her way to his building, quickly locating his apartment number—a detail that, to her surprise, matched hers. Smiling to herself, she placed her order and waited for him to return, ready for the next phase of her plan to unfold.

After nearly twelve grueling days away, Spencer finally returned late Friday night, aching for the comfort of home—and, more importantly, the sight of Y/N. Exhausted, he stumbled up the stairs to his apartment, eager to collapse into bed and wake up to her face rather than the grim case photos that had dominated his thoughts. His eyes half-lidded with fatigue, he fumbled with the key, unlocking the door before shoving it open.

“Oh! What the-“

Spencer cursed under his breath as he stumbled, his eyes dropping to the package at his feet. Frowning, he bent down slowly to inspect it. He hadn’t ordered anything, and there was no reason to expect anything from his mom. So... what was this?

The package was a light pink, medium-sized bag. Spencer nudged it onto its other side to check the sender, and his breath caught. It was addressed to Y/N, though she’d written the wrong number in the street address, causing it to end up at his door. He instantly recognized the name of the online boutique, having (unfortunately) heard Emily, JJ, and Penelope brazenly talk about ordering sex toys and such from this place.

What could Y/N have possibly ordered from there?

Spencer was wide awake now, his pulse quickening as he grabbed the package, slammed the door shut, and locked it. He carried it into the kitchen, turning on the light as he went. There was no way he’d open it—he knew that would be both illegal and downright creepy. But his curiosity got the best of him, and he couldn’t resist running his hands over the package, trying to guess what was inside.

His tongue poked out of the corner of his mouth as he carefully handled the package, giving it a slight squeeze. He could feel the soft outline of fabric inside a smaller plastic bag, his mind spinning with possibilities about what kind of set Y/N might have ordered. A small, involuntary gasp escaped him as his fingers brushed against something hard, separately wrapped from the lingerie. Was that… a dildo? Vibrator, maybe?

A quick glance at the clock told him it was far too late to return her package now. He swallowed, setting the bag down on the table with a mental note to take it to her first thing in the morning. He had the weekend off, and he knew she didn’t work weekends, so it wouldn't be a problem bringing it over. The only problem was going to be looking her in the eyes without turning into a complete mess.

Spencer rushed to his room, his excitement growing as he headed to bed, knowing he’d finally see Y/N tomorrow—in person, not just through her window.

The morning arrived quicker than he had expected, but for the first time, he was happy to hear his alarm. It was 9:30 a.m., giving him enough time to shower and get dressed before making the short walk to Y/N's apartment. More importantly, it would give her a chance to wake up before he just showed up at her door with her package in hand and rambling like a nervous mess.

Spencer’s nerves began to take over as he finished his shower and started getting dressed, his hands trembling as he pulled on his sweater. The last time they'd spoken was when he'd all but face-planted into concrete in front of her and then practically bolted off once she'd helped him gather his things (after a lengthy, awkward apology of course). What if she thought he was a freak?

Before he could talk himself out of it, Spencer took a deep breath, grabbed the package, summoned the last of his courage, and walked out the door.

A hesitant knock at her front door had Y/N grinning smugly as she rose from the couch and headed toward the door. She’d been waiting for this since she’d seen Spencer’s light come on late the night before. Her package was finally here.

The door opened to reveal a nervous Spencer, his eyes lighting up when they landed on her. He instinctively adjusted his glasses, his nose twitching as a small, shy smile appeared on his face.

"Spencer! Hey! What brings you by?" Y/N beamed, stepping aside to let him in. She had to suppress a giggle at her innocent act—she knew exactly why he was here.

Spencer blinked in surprise, both at her invitation and the fact that she remembered his name, pausing briefly before stepping into her apartment. His gaze wandered around, taking in the cozy surroundings with quiet admiration. When he realized she was waiting for him to speak, he cleared his throat, his face flushing as he held up the package.

"I, uh… I just wanted to return this," Spencer stammered, his words tripping over each other. "You had one number wrong on the street address, and, funny enough, we have the same apartment number, so it ended up at my door. I thought the least I could do was bring it over, especially after you helped me when I… well, fell." He offered a shy smile, his nerves still running rampant.

Y/N accepted the package with a smile, her fingers brushing lightly against his before he quickly pulled his hand back. "I could’ve sworn I got the address right this time," she said with a teasing laugh. "You’d think after a few months here I’d have it down by now, I'm sorry."

Spencer quickly shook his head, trying to ignore the rapid beating of his heart and the lingering sensation of her touch as he waved it off. "You don’t need to apologize, Y/N. It happens," he said sincerely, his fingers nervously twisting the ends of his sleeves now that the package was no longer in his hands. "Honestly, I wouldn’t mind bringing your mail by anytime. I just hate the thought of it sitting at my door or in my mailbox while I’m away," he chuckled, his eyes crinkling as he gave her a warm smile.

"Well, aren't you quite the gentleman?"

Y/N placed the package on her coffee table and then headed toward the kitchen, gesturing for Spencer to follow. He blushed profusely, swallowing hard as he willed away the dirty thoughts that were caused by that simple comment before trailing after her. She turned to look at him over her shoulder as she reached into her cabinet for two mugs, smirking to herself as she noticed him quickly avert his gaze from where it had landed on her ass.

Y/N placed the mugs on the counter, then turned to Spencer with a genuine smile. "Thanks for bringing it to me instead of just sending it back like most people would," she said. "How about a cup of coffee as a small token of my appreciation?"

Spencer nodded, thanking her as she fixed them both a cup. She raised an eyebrow, watching him add enough sugar to send a horse into cardiac arrest, but she kept quiet. Once they’d both prepared their cups to their liking, they headed back to the living room, Y/N sitting close enough that Spencer could feel the warmth of her body radiating toward him.

"So... did you take a peek inside of it?"

Spencer coughed violently, choking on the sip he’d just taken, his face turning a deep shade of scarlet as he frantically shook his head. Y/N’s expression shifted to concern as she patted his back, gently rubbing in soothing circles to help him catch his breath.

"What? N-no, I would never! That's literally illegal and so invasive—" Spencer sputtered, his eyes wide as he stared at her, clearly taken aback.

Y/N's brows furrowed briefly before she erupted into laughter, her head tilting back as she laughed loudly. Leaning in, she rested a hand on his thigh, her tone softening. "Spencer, sweetheart, I was just joking," she said, wiping a tear of laughter from her eye.

He relaxed immediately, fighting the urge to lean into her touch as her hand lingered on his leg. "Thanks for that," Spencer said with a playful roll of his eyes. "Just what I needed this morning—choking on my drink and desperately hoping you knew the Heimlich maneuver." His cheeks were still flushed, a mix of embarrassment from her teasing and the aftereffects of his coughing fit.

After a pot of coffee and hours of conversation, Spencer left with a grin so wide his cheeks ached and Y/N’s number saved in his phone "just in case any more of her mail ended up at his door." He silently thanked whatever force had kept him from backing out earlier that day, grateful for the time he’d gotten to spend with her because of it. He’d found himself falling even harder for her, already yearning for her company despite having just left her place.

That night, as Spencer climbed into bed, something caught his eye from his window. He frowned in confusion as he noticed Y/N’s curtains were open even though they’d been closed just an hour ago. He’d assumed she’d already gone to bed, but apparently, he was mistaken.

He craned his neck, searching for her. She wasn’t in her room, as she usually was when the curtains were open. Where could she be? His jaw nearly hit the floor when she finally appeared, his eyes widening in awe at the sight of her.

Y/N walked into her room from the bathroom, wearing the most stunning lingerie set Spencer had ever seen. The lilac fabric complemented her skin in a way that had him almost drooling on himself, and the thin lace left little to the imagination (though he'd already seen what was underneath it once before and knew exactly how incredibly sexy her body was bare). The sight had his cock stiffening in his boxers, and his teeth dug into his lower lip in anticipation as he watched her.

Spencer nearly toppled out of bed as he watched her crouch down to grab her torn-open package, her hand reaching inside to pull out a light-blue rabbit vibrator. He knew he should get up, close the curtains, look away—do something. But he couldn’t bring himself to move.

Instead, he watched in an almost trance-like state as Y/N crawled onto her bed, swallowing hard as she settled back against her pillows. His hand wandered down his body, palming at his erection over his boxers as a whimper slipped from his lips while he watched her legs spread slowly open, propped up and giving him the perfect view of her clothed pussy. He felt overwhelming guilt, especially after the morning they'd shared, but he was powerless against the pull she had on him.

The close proximity of the buildings had always annoyed Spencer, the narrow space between them so tight he swore he could reach out and touch the other building if he tried. But now, he couldn’t have been more grateful. His bed was on the opposite side of the room that Y/N’s was, leaving her perfectly positioned for him to see her from his spot.

Y/N dragged the tip of the vibrator up and down her inner thigh, teasing herself as the fabric of the lace dampened with her arousal. Her head lolled back against the pillows, and her chest rose and fell with a sigh as she finally placed the vibrator against her clit through her panties. Her back arched at the touch, and her lips opened around a moan he desperately wanted to hear.

Spencer considered himself a sane man (for the most part). But he had never been more tempted in his life to leap through a window than he was right now. If it meant landing in her room so he could at least have the chance to beg for a taste of her, he'd happily do it.

His hand halted its movement, instead moving to his waistband so he could wriggle out of the constricting fabric. He kicked his boxers to the floor like they'd scorned him before his hand wrapped around his cock once more. He leaned forward, letting saliva dribble from his lips to coat himself before stroking himself slowly, teasing himself the way Y/N was right across from him in her room.

When Y/N dipped the vibrator into her panties, Spencer's breath hitched in his throat. He watched in rapt fascination as she paused her movements, her free hand shoving the lace down her thighs before she continued. With the fabric now out of the way, Y/N began to run the tip of the vibrator up and down her slit, collecting her arousal and spreading it around before she slowly eased the toy into herself.

An obscene moan ripped its way from Spencer's throat at the sight, and his hand sped up while his eyes struggled to stay open. He watched through hooded lids as she began to fuck herself in earnest now, her hips rocking into the toy and her eyes squeezed shut in pleasure as she brought herself to the edge. Spencer whimpered as his body began to writhe against his sheets, sparks of pleasure zinging up and down his spine as he worked himself toward his climax.

All it took to send him over the edge was the sight of Y/N's legs thrashing as she came around the toy, a sight that left him both so aroused he couldn't breathe and so jealous of a toy he debated just how truly sane he considered himself to be after this. With a swipe of his thumb over his flushed head, Spencer came in spurts across his tummy, his hand pumping gently through the aftershocks until he was trembling and gasping Y/N's name like it was a mantra.

Once Spencer could finally open his eyes, he looked over at Y/N's window and saw she was no longer in bed, the soft light spilling from under her bathroom door the only sign of where she was. He rolled out of his bed to indulge in what was now becoming a routine walk of shame to his bathroom to clean himself off, his head spinning from what he'd just seen. He knew the shame of his actions would catch up with him in the morning, but for now, exhaustion and elation kept him from caring.

Spencer stumbled back into his room, half-asleep and ready to crash when his phone buzzed. Crawling into bed, he reached for it, curious about who would be contacting him at this hour. His heart stuttered in his chest, eyes widening in shock as he read the message on the screen.

Glad to see that you enjoyed the show, sweetheart. Next time, just come over. <3

Continued A/N's: AHHH I truly hope you guys enjoyed that! The next part gets FILTHYYYY and I can't wait to finish it hahahaaaa. Please let me know what you think because I'm thinking of doing more in the future that would be similar but of course I want to make content you guys will actually enjoy as well <3

REMINDER: I do not give permission for my work to be re-uploaded to any other platforms (c.ai, Tiktok, ao3, etc.) under any circumstances. If you'd like to translate my work, then please just ask me before doing so. I know it sounds whiny, but I (as well as many other fanfic writers) spend so much time on these and it's genuinely not okay to take credit for work that isn't yours. It's insulting and completely unnecessary. If I do see my work uploaded anywhere without explicit permission, I WILL say something.

[bigassmoonchild]

Lost

Pairing: Logan Howlett x Reader

Word Count: 1.4k

Summary: It's not the first time you've plummeted into another timeline. It is the first time in years that you've met a Deadpool still doing the anti-hero (vigilante?) thing. And unfortunately for you, you're stuck with him.

Content Tags: DEADPOOL AND WOLVERINE SPOILERS! I'm being so serious, this entire series is going to be stock-full of spoilers for that movie. Some mentions of blood, lots of cursing (as expected). No use of Y/N

A/N: I promise I'm working on stuff, work just has had me super busy the last few weeks (months if I'm being more honest) and school is coming up soon for me :(. Anyways. I wanna lick Logans abs. This is hopefully gonna be a slow burn ;)

(p.s. lmk if you wanna be added to a tag list in the future)

(p.p.s. this is mostly story building with a tad bit of plot)

(p.p.p.s. i'm trying to write in a less past tense style, forgive if that changes throughout the story, im so fuckin delirious)

It’s jarring. Every single time it happens is so jarring. It’s almost like getting whiplashed with how hard you are pulled backwards and then your stomach drops; it feels as though you’re falling. The same sensation you get right before you fall asleep, like your body can’t tell if you’re still alive.  

You’ve never been thrown so forcefully out of it. Usually you land, stumbling on your feet. This time, though, you’re thrown onto your back. Your skull cracks against the pavement underneath you and it feels like all the air has been forced out of your body.  

“Fuuuuck,” it feels pushed out of your body, your chest heaving in short gasps. Rolling onto your side, all you can see in front of you is the street. Whatever Earth you’ve landed on, it doesn’t seem like it’s good.  

There’s blood splattered everywhere, cars and buses are on their sides or flipped over. Glass is scattered on the streets. Maybe you just arrived right after the battle of New York, maybe this world has been abandoned.  

You struggle to your feet, stumbling and catching yourself before standing fully upright. You can feel the warmth of some blood on your back before the skin reconnects, leaving behind the burn of cement rash.  

Behind you, there’s panting. It’s heavy and sounds almost wet. Turning, you look at two men who were behind you. 

“Oh, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me,”  

... 

You tried walking away. Removing yourself from the situation like the adult you were, but no. It wasn’t working. You never got more than a few feet away from the two before being teleported back within their range.  

The two men, Deadpool and the poor Wolverine stuck with him, just watched for some time. Deadpool was oddly quiet through most of it, although you can almost hear the monologue in his thoughts, his head following as you walked in different directions before snapping to where you appeared. Dogpool, the ugly thing, sat in the arms of its alternate person just panting heavily. It never stopped panting.  

You huff angrily, throwing your back against the wall right next to Wade. Crossing your arms, you look down at Mary Puppins sitting in his arms. She went cross eyed while looking up at you, staring blankly at the wall next to you and yourself.  

“Who shit in your biscuit this morning?” Wade asks you, head tilting slightly. You have to brace yourself and breathe deeply to make sure you don’t roll your eyes. You never realized how thankful you were that your home Earths Deadpool ended up in the void before you even knew what abilities you had.  

Glancing down at him with just your eyes, you find that he still hasn’t looked away. “Whoever the hell sent me here, that’s who,” you respond. There’s pain in your voice, you can hear up, but also the utter annoyance that most Deadpool's just bring. “Didn’t know the Wolverine on this world was still alive,” you nod your head towards Logan like you’re gesturing to him.  

It’s quiet. You’ve somehow silenced Wade Wilson, the merc with a mouth. You watch his chest expand in a deep inhale and it caves back in as he exhales deeply.  

“He isn’t,” and your brows furrow. Other than the TVA, you don’t know any other casual dimension jumper. Even they were a stretch, you know, they didn’t deserve to be able to do that.  Somehow, they were able to master it. You think he can see the confusion on your face as your eyes flit back and forth between them. Logan’s still eating whatever it is he had in his hand. “The TVA,” he takes a breath, and you have to interrupt. 

“Why did they bring him here?” You shake your head, brows furrowing further.  

Wade shifts his head side to side. “They didn’t bring him here, sunshine,” his voice perks up. “I did,” and he has the widest smile on his face that doesn’t quite reach his eyes.  

“I don’t,” you pause and rub your face, looking down at the ground. “I don’t even wanna know why or how,”  

“’Cause I'm Marvel Jesus,” is his quick quip back. He stands suddenly, his back popping and cracking as he stretches himself. “Alrighty, Peanut, let’s get going home,” he says to Logan (maybe it was to Mary Puppins, you’ve got no idea), and there’s a little pep in his step. “C’mon puppy!” Wade calls and you get yanked again and appear just a few feet ahead of him.  

With a roll of his eyes, Logan stands and tosses his food off to the side. “I’m going to go figure things out on my own,” he says. Turning away, you watch as Logan walks off from the two of you and you hope to whatever being is out there that you get pulled along with him, but he isn’t able to make it more than a few steps before Wade starts talking again. 

“Oh no you don’t! I’ve waited far too long for this meetup!” Wade calls out, and you see Logan stop in his tracks. His shoulders slump, almost like he’s struggling with a decision he’s about to make. “Blind Al isn’t all she’s cocained up to be, we need a third in our little house of horrors,” he snickers a little. 

You’re really hoping it doesn’t last forever, but when you finally make the trek to Wades apartment that feeling almost vanishes (almost). It’s homey, although the apartment itself is small and cramped with two people already there. You’ve met a few Als before, but only a small number of them weren’t blind. 

It was only in passing though. You could recognize that woman anywhere. Her eyes were always a striking feature, and the few who weren’t blind always carried this sort of knowledge within them as they followed you when you walked by them.  

This Al seemed sweet, although listening to Wade tell you about her was a little odd. You couldn’t fully tell if he was joking about her being able to see cocaine, but there’s been worse you’ve interacted with.  

Speaking of worse, Logan would not let you out of his sight at all thus far. You could feel his eyes boring down on your back the entire walk to the apartment, and even when you got inside and completely ignored everything Wade was saying (a lot of it was just telling you and Logan about the apartment and what to not touch, oddly enough) he would not let you leave his sight.  

Even just checking out what type of T.V this world had to offer left you with his stare. You begin to browse their small selection of DVD’s when you finally speak up. 

“Might wanna take a picture,” it was quiet, but you knew he could hear you. “It’ll last you longer,” but there was no response. Usually, it was the Bucky Barnes of the Earth that had the staring problem, it had never been the Wolverines.  

They always made their problems with you obvious. They’d never pulled this type of behavior, and it was strange. For the first time in years, you had someone act strange and you couldn’t figure out how to go about confronting it.  

“Who’re you?” Logan finally spoke up, quieting Wade in the middle of his rant.  

You swallow thickly. “I’m not the person you think I am,” and you cringe internally. It always sounded dumb when you said it, but you never knew what else to say. Who knows if there’s another you in this world, or maybe even Logans. “Whoever I am, or was, to you? That’s not who I am,” but you’d never met another one of you.  

There’s the thud of glass on wood, it's thick and there’s no way that it isn’t a beer bottle.  “I’ve never met you in my life. Have you?” Assuming he was talking to Wade, you turn as best as you can while still crouched in front of the TV to look at him.  

He’s shrugging, opening his mouth for a response before Logan beats him to it. “What the hell is it that you can do, anyways? Are you a mutant? Or just another fucked up creation by a government?” You bark a laugh.  

“I’m just one of God’s fucked up mistakes, that’s what,” and you look down with a sigh, shaking your head. “I really don’t know. My world didn’t have mutants, not like others do. It was always some botched work done by doctors in basements,” Wade looks appalled.  

His eyes find some spot on the wall, and he smiles at it. “It’s like looking into a mirror. Although a lot less ballsackey and not as interesting,” you have to shake your head.  

Logan clears his throat. “What do you mean, your world didn’t have mutants,” you smile at him.  

“My timeline doesn’t exist anymore,”  

[burreauxoxo]

make some noise - joe burrow

husband!joe x fem!reader

summary: you had beat childhood cancer but just as you began to live your adult life worry-free, you get the news that a different type of cancer was found. all of the memories you had of the hundreds of hospital visits as a kid came flooding back. you knew what you wanted and even if it scared joe, there was no going the other direction.

warnings: mentions of cancer, nausea/vomiting, hospitalization, swearing, blood

word count: 7.7k

note: this was kind of hard to write and just continued to make me sad but i still managed to finish it. hope you like it!

it all started during the last game of the regular season. the cincinnati bengals were looking at a promising playoff stretch and you knew you wanted to be next to joe throughout it all.

though lately, you haven’t been feeling the best. bouts of nausea, persistent fatigue, the urge to run to the bathroom to empty the contents in your stomach. your friend had suggested that maybe you were pregnant but you knew this was something different.

the sickness that wasn’t just in the morning and the blood that came up last night told you otherwise. you wished this was a pregnancy, but it was a lot more complicated than that.

you made it through the game without too much to worry about. some heartburn but nothing to complain about. eventually, you met joe who was quick to engulf you into a hug.

“i’m so proud of you.” you say into his chest and shoulder area. “thank you.” he replies and kisses the top of your head.

the two of you hung around for a bit, chatting with a few others before you called it a night. the drive home was pretty quiet, your nauseous feeling keeping you from sparking conversation. on multiple occasions, you wanted to ask joe to pull over but you managed to keep it down until you got home.

hurrying into the house, joe grew worried at your sudden fast actions. you flew up the stairs and into the bathroom, where you planted yourself in front of the toilet. no more than a few second pass before joe is right behind you, holding your hair back and rubbing gentle circles to ease your tense feeling.

he takes a peek at your face to make sure you still had your color. but that’s when he notices something alarming.

“baby, there’s blood in there.” he says. worry fills his voice as he begins to pull his phone out. “i’m calling nine-one-one.”

“no! no, i’m fine.” you push before he makes anymore moves.

“no, you’re puking blood! that’s not fine.” joe says and reaches into one of the bathroom organizers for a wash cloth. running it under cold water, wringing it out, then handing it to you was all he could do.

he wanted to contact someone. an advice nurse, your primary doctor, maybe even the team doctor; just to see what he should do. while running downstairs to get you some cold water, he thought about it.

the persistent nausea. the vomiting. the loss of appetite. all of the naps you take. your comment that you were having a hard time swallowing.

it made him dizzy.

he recalls all of the times you reflected on being cancer-free from the battle you faced as a little girl. but could it happen again? could it really be happening now?

“baby, i think you should meet with your doctor as soon as possible.” joe says and hands you the glass of water. he strokes the top of your head, causing a wave of relaxation to flood your body.

“i already have an appointment. tomorrow at noon.” you say and his eyes widen.

“what do you think is going on?” joe asks curiously.

“i don’t really want to talk about it.” was all you could say and all he needed to hear.

the emotions soon became apparent and strong. his wife might have cancer? it took everything inside of joe not to fall back onto someone and start panicking. he knew that was the last thing you wanted and he would do whatever it took to make sure you were taken care of.

~

“well mrs. burrow, your results weren’t completely clear. after i first seen you a week or so back, i took all of your symptoms into consideration and after confirming through many tests and scans, i regret to inform you that we found that cancer is present.”

your head hung low as the specialist spoke. joe was zoned in on every word she spoke and was ready to jump right into any treatments or trials that they offered if it meant he would get you back to feeling yourself.

“with the type of cancer that she has, is there a good possibility of her coming out of it? or is this something we need to take one day at a time?” joe asks.

“in her situation, with the type of cancer, the numbers can vary. if a patient is diagnosed right off the bat with cancer just in the stomach, there is a seventy-five percent survival rate. in her case, it has already made it to her surrounding lymph nodes.”

“and that would bring the percentage up or down? and by how much?” joe continues to ask.

“unfortunately, it brings it down to thirty-five. now, we have a fairly new trial and it calls for newly diagnosed patients which is your first step for qualifications. if you are open to giving it a go, i can transfer you to their care to assist in giving you the care you need.”

“um, what would happen if i were to just… let it take its course?” you ask and joe turns in your direction.

“it all depends on your own experience with how you handle things. some patients decide that their body isn’t going to last long on all of the medications and would rather try at-home remedies instead to start. some even take it to the last second and they pass at home. both options are individually painful… choose what is best for you.” the doctor smiles lightly.

“what is the expectancy between the two?” you ask.

“patients left untreated can go roughly a year, with treatments such as chemo or radiation, they may just come out with the thirty-five percent or in other cases, roughly ten months would result in other outcomes.”

“can i have some time to think?” you ask.

“absolutely. shoot me a message through the online portal to make your follow up appointment. please take care and know that no matter what happens, everything will be just fine.” she says and pulls you in for a hug.

you felt drained. you wanted to go home, lay in yours and joe’s shared bed, and take a nice long nap in his arms.

“tell me you’re going to give the trials a shot?” joe asks as soon as you get into the car.

“joey, chemo and radiation gave me so much trauma as a child, i can’t do it again.” you admit.

“but you have to choose to live, you are going to make it, i know you will.” joe says, growing emotional.

“i would rather have almost a year lived as free as possible with you, than miserable treatments fulfilling our free time and taking all the life out of me.” you say, taking joe’s hand into yours.

you could tell joe was trying to process your words. his eyes wandered around your facial features. from the eyes he fell in love with, to the nose he runs his finger down when you are having a hard time sleeping, to the lips he loves to kiss.

“it just wouldn’t be worth it.” you add.

“okay. if that’s what you want then… i’ll be right by your side.” joe agrees and gives you a sad smile.

it wasn’t what you wanted though. you really wanted to live worry-free. you wanted to be by your husbands side until the two of you got old. you wanted to enjoy your marriage, let alone enjoy the honeymoon phase you guys were barely able to get through.

you wanted to have kids with joe, watch him sprout his first permanent grey hair, watch your children graduate from school, watch wrinkles appear on each others face, enter retirement and travel the world.

but your time was cut short. every touch of your hands, every kiss, every word spoken… was to be treasured.

you didn’t want this whole situation tearing joe down at all, though you knew telling him not to worry was easier said than done.

he hated having to leave you during his first away game after the news. it was a couple months after deciding home remedies and no hospital stays was your treatment plan.

with a plain diet and no colored liquids such as sodas and unnatural juices, your trips to the bathroom slowed down and you were able to sit on the couch and enjoy a snack as you watched your husband play the game; even though it was just through the tv.

when it came to joe coming home, he took the quickest flight out of the city he was in and made no extra stops until he seen you. once he knew you didn’t need anything from the outside world, he was planted by your side.

you didn’t let him slow down practice wise though. as time went by, he dreaded his alarm in the morning but you graced him with some words of encouragement when you also were awoken by the blaring sound. you woke him right up and put him in a good mood.

he would gather his equipment and make it to the facility, not paying attention to the time because doing that always makes time go slower.

when the training staff would announce that it was time to wrap it up, joe got that spurt of energy. the same spurt of energy kids feel when they realize the school day is almost over.

joe would share some meaningful conversations on the way back to change and grab his stuff. ja’marr was always telling him to make sure you’re resting and doing the right things to prolong your time. he would often come visit to tell you the same thing anyways.

other guys on the team felt for you and joe, but ja’marr was at a different level. he was the mutual friend that got you two together in college. he knows you both as individuals just as much as he knows you two as a couple.

it hurt him just as much when he heard the news. this was like losing a family member with the length and level of connection you two had built over the years. he wanted to visit with you more often but he knew that during the season, there wasn’t a lot of time anyways. so he left whatever time the team got, to joe.

~

it was now december and you had gotten your news in february. time was ticking faster than ever and your body was trying to tell you the same.

there was no more leaving the house unless it’s to a hospital; which was fairly often because your doctor was keeping track of your current state. there was no more over-exerting movements during the day. your pride and dignity was slowly slipping away.

you couldn’t stand to do the dishes anymore, you called for help in the shower, you can barely cook simple meals, and your emotions were higher than normal.

the media always labeled you as “the housewife every woman dreams to be.” at a point, it seemed a bit offensive to joe because he seen the comment as he only married you to have a woman at home. but in reality, that’s what you were.

you weren’t working at the time you guys got married. so you were the one to have the meals prepped and plated at the time of each meal, you did laundry most of the time, you cleaned, and you took care of your husband.

the difference was the fact that joe never got upset when he came home and it didn't smell like something was cooking or the sound of something clinking in the dryer wasn't occupying the silence. he wanted you to have nights off more often; more than you liked at least. he always said that a night off meant more time for the two of you but you didn't surrender yourself to the couch before the dishes from the day before were clean and joe had all the laundry he needed done was complete.

but you didn’t see it as a bad thing if joe didn’t see it as one. you were happy and proud to take care of joe. if he got a cold from playing in the cold weather, you’d nurse him back to good health by the time he needed to be at practice next. you made sure the stains were out of his clothes and his dietary guidelines were met.

but the illness was coming between you and your duties. you knew it as soon as joe offered to hire a personal chef for the two of you.

“it’s not a bad thing, baby! you need to eat substantial food too!”

when he came home from playing that night and you had dinner made and plated but you were passed out on the couch, he regretted that comment. because now you were going to push yourself too hard. that was the last thing he wanted you to do.

except, you don’t even have the energy to push yourself now.

every morning, joe takes your blankets and pillows and helps you down to the couch in the living room. due to your lack of hospital treatment, you weren't given the option to have a hospital bed to set up in the living room. the couch was just as comfortable though, if not better.

joe offered to buy a bed frame and to get you any type of mattress you wanted, but you declared that it would be a waste as you weren’t going to be here much longer to use it. joe shook his head at your statement.

“even if you get a weeks use out of it, it’s worth it. not even a week, a day! as long as you’re comfortable.”

you protested but when you came downstairs after a nap to see a bed frame with wheels under it and a mattress that looked like a cloud on top, you knew he meant every word.

he seen you were in pain going up and down the stairs so he knew this was going to help more than you thought.

the mattress had the ability to move up and down so you could sit up without having to over-exert yourself. the occasional adjust felt great on your back or even your neck.

~

it’s january. the bengals and chiefs have come to a match-up, yet again, to see who will make it to the super bowl. joe was on edge for the duration of the game and he didn’t want any messing around until they secured their spot.

right now, the bengals are up by thirteen and there is four minutes left of the game. it’s now or never that their defense holds their spot on the field to prevent any other plays going through.

you were currently at home, your best friend sitting by your side. joe tucked you into your bed out in the living room this morning before he left for the game. they were the number one seed so throughout the playoffs, they scored home field advantage.

your best friend sat next to you on one of the kitchen stools, with a notebook and pen in her hand. you asked if she’d be able to write whatever you had said down for some letters. you were too weak to write a full sentence and this was such a big help.

tears were shed, breaks were taken. but you had gotten letters for your family, ja’marr, and joe done. you were able to tell your best friend every word you wanted to tell her in person. again, tears were shed and she even climbed into bed with you until you fell asleep and she wanted to give you more room.

while you napped, she folded each letter and put them in individually labeled envelopes for each person. you instructed her to put them in your nightstand; which was exactly what she did.

to have more time pass, she watched the game that was playing on the tv. there was one minute left and the bengals had the ball. the chiefs were out of timeouts and since there was less than a minute and a half left, this called for the victory formation.

both teams take their place and joe lines up with the center. give or take a few seconds, the center snaps the ball back, giving it to joe, who drops to his knee and the team floods him with excitement.

due to his extreme accuracy and only four incomplete passes throughout this game, he was to be celebrated. joe stayed on his knee for some time. his teammates stood over him, some even kneeling down around him. joe had the ball in his hands as he tilted his head down to rest his forehead on it. only he knows what was said in that moment.

after getting up, he shares a brief moment with patrick mahomes, something you encouraged him to do.

“hey honey… your husband is going to the super bowl.” your best friend whispers to you as you start to stir.

“hmm?” you manage to say.

“joe… they just won the game. the bengals are going to the super bowl.” she whispers again.

“you’re kidding.” you wake up and tilt your head enough to see the tv screen.

lo and behold, the team is gathered together and confetti is falling.

“the cincinnati bengals are headed to the super bowl! they will take on the san francisco forty-niners, which hasn't been seen in a super bowl since nineteen eighty-nine!” the announcer says.

you look away with a tear in your eye. this was the game you wanted to see and joe has been waiting for. you began to hope you had enough strength to make it. but with it being multiple weeks away, you weren’t sure.

~

joe quietly made his way into the house, seeing your best friend sitting on the couch watching highlights from the game as you sat up and drank a smoothie.

“hi, my love. it’s so good to see you awake.” joe quietly says as he leans over to give you a kiss.

“why aren’t you out celebrating?” you ask.

“i am. i’m celebrating with you guys. ja’marr will be over later to come check on you.” joe says and runs his hand over your head in a soothing manor.

“i’m so proud of you.” you say as you reach to grab joe’s hand. he gives your hand a light squeeze as he brings it to his lips.

the night was spent quietly recapping joe’s thoughts throughout the game. ja’marr did make it over and he came bearing frozen yogurt for everyone that was there. they decided that staying up an hour or two later than normal to watch a movie and eat frozen yogurt with you was a form of celebration.

the celebration turned into a sleep over. joe climbed into your bed with you as ja’marr and your best friend took the couch. it was big enough for the both of them to lay out completely so they had no problem.

there was one time you had to get up and do your thing in the bathroom. the rush of sugar probably didn’t do you any good.

you being out of your spot woke joe up. he stirred for a second before hearing your slow footsteps coming closer.

“am i being a bed-hog?” he jokes.

“always.” you joke and you both quietly laugh.

you crawl back into the bed, curling up as close as possible to joe. you tucked your arms close to your chest, scooting even closer to him. he drapes his arm over you as he turns to his side.

he runs his fingers up and down your back after lifting your t-shirt some. he felt you shiver, a small smile creeping up on his face.

“feelin’ okay?” he asks.

“yeah… okay as okay gets.” you whisper.

“everything is going to be just fine. i promise.” he whispers into your forehead before leaving a kiss on it.

“joe… i’m scared.” you quietly admit and he stops what he’s doing.

he tilts his head down so he can look at your face.

“why are you scared, baby?” he asks.

he knew why but he wanted to hear your reasoning. he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t scared out of his mind. aside from silly flings with other girls, he’s never known anyone else but you. it’s always been you.

“i don’t want to leave this life behind.” you say and he starts to mess with your hair.

“i don’t want to say goodbye to you guys. i want to live every day with you and all of our friends. i want to wake up to you every day, i want to make more memories with you.” you continue on.

“you are going to live every day doing just that. we are going to be right by your side every chance we get and we are going to make many more memories, i promise.”

“yeah but… it’s creeping up on a year. i might not even see next week. i want to see you win the super bowl. i want to see everything.”

“you’re going to. we are going to go out there and win that game. we won’t be too far away, new york is right there.”

“i wanted to be there with you.” you admit.

“sometimes life happens my love. i already told myself that this game is for you.” he admits.

“i don’t want anything to be for me. i don’t want to die, i shouldn’t be dying right now.” you say and start to cry.

“shh, everything is going to be okay.” joe whispers.

he was able to calm you down until you fell asleep.

it was early in the morning when ja’marr shook joe awake to signal you needing help in the bathroom. without a question, joe flies out of bed.

before he turned down the hallway and into the bathroom, he had gotten you a glass of ice water.

“joey… it’s all blood.” you cry.

“oh, baby.” he says and leans down to pull your hair back. he rubs soothing circles into your back as you cried.

ja’marr comes to the doorway to make sure everything was okay.

“shit man, i think she should go in. that’s not a good sign to be throwing up all that blood.” ja’marr says and you stay quiet.

“you want to go in?” joe asks, still rubbing your back.

“i guess.” you say, defeated.

in your head, you knew this was probably the last time you’d be home while you’re coherent enough. you gave the living room one more look before sitting down.

while joe grabbed a few things, you slowly made your way up the stairs with some help from ja'marr. you stood in the door way to your bedroom and gave it all one more look. you walked over and felt your original bed sheets. you looked in the closet and seen all the clothes you had made so many memories in, including your wedding dress. you ran your hand down the white fabric and sighed. you looked out the sliding door to the balcony and took in the view; just one more time.

eventually, ja'marr helps you back downstairs.

“should we stay here or head out? we can do some work around here.” ja’marr asks.

“you guys can go. i’ll keep in touch with what’s going on.” joe suggests. deep down, ja’marr knew what he was going to do.

joe took the quickest route to the hospital but still drove at a safe speed. when it came to checking you in, he wheeled you inside in a wheelchair and explained your situation so you didn’t have to waste your energy talking to the nurse.

they brought you back immediately for not only comfort but privacy reasons.

“due to how busy we are, we might need a minute to gather things and keep the other patients rolling. we just wanted to get you comfortable in the meantime in case the wait is longer than you can handle out there.”

both of you appreciated the nurses kindness and made sure to express it verbally.

while you two got settled into the room, ja’marr and your friend stayed behind at the house, getting some work done.

there were some stacks of dishes that needed to be done, as well as laundry. your best friend changed the sheets on your bed in the living room. ja’marr vacuumed and wiped some items down for bacteria clearance.

time went by slowly but it was still keeping you here. any second you were gifted, the people around you thanked any lord above for it.

~

you were declining at a fast rate. joe has expressed that he wasn’t sure if he was able to go through this alone. the blood never stopped as the pain was only worsening. the nurses distributed some strong pain medication that had you knocked out. you had been transferred to the normal side of the hospital rather than staying in the emergency department.

in the mean time, joe had called your family and his both. he was a mess but he knew what needed to be done. the box of tissues that sat next to his wildly uncomfortable hospital chair, slowly but surely dwindling. the thought of the chair being uncomfortable was a quick and useless thought. he knew you were in more discomfort than he was and you were in the bed. soon enough, the chair was comfortable; just right as long as he was next to you.

one of the nurses came in and wanted to check on you. she called for some assistance when she realized that the pain medicine was only knocking you down more.

“we are going to slow down on the morphine as her heart isn’t tolerating it the way we wanted it to.” the nurse says.

“she won’t be in more pain, will she?” joe asks.

“at this point, i don’t think so. if she is, i don’t think she will be able to express it.”

“is… is she going to die? like… soon?” joe manages to ask.

“based on her current state of health, i wouldn’t say soon as in within the hour but maybe a day or two. i am so sorry, mr. burrow.” the nurse says, empathetic smile rising to her face.

it was time to crack down. joe never left your side, he called the people he knew you loved to come say their goodbyes. the bags under joe’s eyes only grew bigger as time went by.

it had been three days in the hospital and you had only woken up twice; once during the first night to roll over some and again when joe had told you that it was okay to let go.

he was running his fingers over your head and whispering beautiful words to your peaceful face. he had one of your hands in his other hand and he knew when your grip loosened with each squeeze, it was time to reassure you that everything was going to be okay.

“i’m going to win that game for you. ja’marr is going to give his speech you wanted him to do at your funeral. your family will be back as soon as they can be, they told you to hang on.” he whispered.

“you are the most beautiful woman i’ve ever laid my eyes on and i will never forget your illustrious and eternal soul.” he says,

the more words he spoke, the more the pain was evident. he was scared to do life alone. like he’s expressed, all he’s ever known was you. how could he do anything without you.

but reality really hit him when he was sitting out in the waiting room, trying to catch his breath with ja’marr by his side. his face was red and he had a few crumpled up tissues in his hand. ja'marr had been crying as well, dreading what the future was about to throw at them.

“she’s not going to make it to see us play… we just got married a year ago, how is that long enough? she deserves more time.” joe says, head in his hands.

he’s gotten maybe a couple hours of sleep in the last two days. the picture of the blood that made its appearance in any way it could, glued to the back of his eyelids in a way that won’t escape him. you were suffering and he couldn’t help you.

“mr. burrow, we did all we could.” a nurse says, turning the corner with a mask and gloves on.

joe shoots up to stand on his feet.

“what? i was just in there! not even five minutes ago.” joe says as he shoves his way through to your room.

there you were, still as still could be.

ja’marr stood next to joe as they both took in the heartbreaking sight. the blood pressure cuff was erroring out and the heart monitor was at a steady beep. your oxygen level was dropping to nothing and they both knew this was the last bit of life they would ever see in you.

“oh god.” joe says and turns around, huffing out a breath of air that he felt was trapped in his lungs.

this was it. this was the end of beginning.

~

the service and celebration of life were done. the cremation process had begun. ja’marr spoke in front of everyone at your service and joe hasn’t touched a single thing that belonged to you in the house. everything was going to stay the same unless a move was planned. all of your clothes, your decorations, your bedding; it was all staying in its given place.

he had your wedding ring planted in its box on his nightstand. but it was soon shoved in his bag that he was taking with him to new york for the super bowl. he searched in various places for a specific necklace you considered lucky but soon took off as soon as you received the cancer diagnosis. he looked in your jewelry box, he looked in the bathroom, the only place left to check was your nightstand.

in a hurry, he tugs the drawer open, moving a couple pieces of paper over to see what was under them. he found the necklace but what else he found, shocked him.

on top of the necklace, sat a few envelopes that were all addressed to different people. one to him, one to ja’marr, one to your family and a couple more for the other members of it that you had mentioned, one to the team as a whole. he knew he’d have to actually find their address and mail them or send them out to be delivered by your family members.

joe immediately sits on the edge of the bed and rips open his envelope.

“dear joe,

when life gives people twists and turns, they are usually the most unexpected events that they never thought would happen to them. no matter how bad my twists and turns were, i am so grateful to have had you waiting for me once the path straightened out.

though my last twist never came to an end, you held my hand when i felt like i was all alone to remind me that i never was.

i want to thank you for gifting me the most beautiful, peaceful yet eventful, exciting, and blissful years of my life. i wouldn’t have wanted to do these last few years with anyone else.

i am so sorry that i had to leave you behind so early. in a way, i am grateful i went first because there is no way i’d be able to do life without you. you were my rock and i look forward to being yours in spirit form.

just remember, i am no longer in pain. i am no longer wondering when it will all end.

the other day, you had just left for a game and the house was quiet. i thought of you as i climbed out of bed. i thought of how quiet it was as it rained and it was just me and my thoughts. it made me realize how you were going to be once my time comes and it made my heart hurt.

i don’t want you drowning in the silence to a point of no return. i want you to get out there and make some noise. find the noise if you need to. if it is silent in a moment where silence shouldn’t fill the atmosphere, i will come turn the tv on. i don’t want you in silence if it shouldn’t be silent. so don't be scared if you hear music start playing or the sudden sound of spongebob laughing... it is just me.

i could spend forever talking while this is being written but at the moment, you are playing for a spot in the super bowl. if you made it to the super bowl, i want you to play your heart out for not just me, but for everyone. i want you to win that game like it was your last and everything you’ve ever done comes down to it.

you’re a winner in my heart no matter the outcome. just know that i will always be proud of you for getting up and trying again. you’ve always been great at it.

i know our dreams were endless. i know our love would always be tested. i know our expectations for the future were bright. don’t let anything change it.

i want you to know that you need to live life to the fullest. do not let this or the past slow you down. i want you to sit back and realize that being here is a gift and as much as i know you do appreciate how your life has changed for the better… make it even better.

your worth is everything in my eyes and my heart… let that sink in. run with that thought and never look back. make mistakes. realize things aren’t going how they should. find something new you like. watch movies you thought you hated. talk to people you think look cool or redeem yourself to someone you messed up with. these things make you who you are but your mistakes do not define your worth. you are worth everything.

i want to say that i love you, i loved you, and i will never stop loving you.

thank you for being everything to me. you are the person that i was made to meet and i thank you for listening to ja’marr when he said you needed to meet me. you’ve always been a great listener.

i love you, joe. go out and live that special life of yours. go win that game! and never forget me, i will always be your biggest guardian angel.”

~

day of the super bowl

there was a time and a place to be nervous. to joe, this was the last place he should be nervous.

he carried every single word you spoke and every word of yours that he read and reminded himself that being nervous or stressed out was unacceptable.

joe carried a game face all day. ja’marr knew this was the last place he wanted to mess around in. they were playing a solid team in the super bowl who in the end, had a better record against them.

joe spoke a very minimal amount of words and everyone took their sign to let it be just like that. if they wanted him at his peak performance ability, then they need to let it slide.

coach taylor got his two words in and that was all joe needed.

he ran out onto that field like he was the main character of a film that all of america was anticipating. the crowd cheered, people had signs, then there was the occasional ‘boooo’ from the other side. joe took all of it in, ready to play this game like it was his last.

each play, each drive, each complete pass, they all came from joe like it was nothing. with the halftime performance being a mere two minutes away, the forty-niners have only snagged three points while the bengals have seventeen.

they weren’t in the clear, the niners were known to come back in the second half. everyone seen what they did to the lions in the nfc championship that one year.

taking the field once more, joe has yet to release the tension in his body that kept him in his form. the release was far ahead of him as he was just as ready for the second half as he was the first.

he spoke words to you in his head. he held back the flood of emotions that threatened to spill at any given moment. ja’marr has said his share of support with very minimal response from joe, but he took no offense.

“burrow is at his peak with this game being played at an absolute high. his performance numbers for a post-season game have never been this high and we might be able to thank someone for this.

just a matter of weeks ago, burrow lost his wife. though they weren’t married for long, their relationship was lengthy and their time spent together, was spent with care.

since being in new york for this game, he opened a donation location for cancer research.

‘i won’t let my wife be defined by the battle she put up against cancer, she was much more than that. many others around me feel the same towards the evil illness and that is why it is one of my missions to assist in finding a cure. all donations made will be matched by me and will be given to the cancer research foundation as well as my personal donation to the grief center which helps families cope with loss. nobody’s pain deserves to be ignored, no matter the source.’

if anyone is interested in donating, the link will be available here on your very screen.”

the viewers heard just a portion of his mission and the story behind it from the announcers.

there was a commercial dedicated to donating and everything. joe was serious, just as serious as cancer was. he was done seeing it appear stronger than the innocent people who are suffering under its power and succumbing to their pain. though his wife wasn’t the only one to fight, he wanted it to end. the pain he felt did not deserve to be shared.

these very thoughts and the plans he represented kept him standing until the end of the game. until he sunk to his knees in an emotional release when it is declared that the bengals have won their first super bowl in nfl history.

ja’marr is the first one to land next to joe. they both release their emotions in an emotional hug with each other as they sat on the field.

“this was all she wanted for us.. and you both made it happen.” ja’marr says, hands gripping his shoulder pads.

“holy shit man, i can’t even imagine how you’re feeling right now.” tee says as he squats down to his teammates level.

“you don’t even want to know.” joe says with a laugh.

soon enough, they stand up and watch coach taylor get absolutely demolished by a wave of blue gatorade. super bowl champion shirts were being thrown around the team as they were gradually replacing the view of their jerseys. it was a surprise when joe looks over at trey to see he was holding one specifically for joe.

joe unravels his shirt to see that the sleeve has a periwinkle ribbon woven into it. this made his heart hurt and long for a hug just like all the other guys were receiving.

“had this specially made for you. i know i’ve been pretty distant in this whole process of you grieving but know that you don’t go unnoticed.” trey says, pulling joe in for a hug.

joe sniffles yet again, waiting for the sadness to end and for the adrenaline to take over. he knew you wouldn’t want him to be this sad on a day like this. he toughens up, slips the shirt on, and smiles.

“there it is! there’s that smile!” trey says and the two of them laugh.

eventually, joe is pulled over by someone who is wanting to interview him. he didn’t feel like he was too full of words but he knew he needed to try.

“joe burrow… what a game you had today! i want to start with saying i am personally so sorry for your loss, she was a phenomenal person and you are just as phenomenal for honoring her the way that you do.”

“trust me, i am nothing compared to how great she was.” joe squeezes out.

“you officially broke tom brady’s record that he made in oh-five. you finished with a passer rating of one hundred and one point five. you threw for four hundred and twenty-seven yards with four touchdowns and only one interception. nobody has seen anyone play that well since the previous record made by brady. how does that feel?”

“well, it’s feels surreal. i never would have guessed that would be the outcome coming into this season or this game alone. i can thank my teammates for setting me up for such success.” joe jokes.

“we see this personalized shirt you have gifted to you by trey hendrickson. we want to give you your time to speak on the matter, are there any words?”

“of course. i want to thank trey personally for this, this will be treasured. the ribbon here holds as a symbol for stomach cancer awareness. if anyone is unaware, i recently lost my wife to stomach cancer and without her, i wouldn’t be here today.”

joe continues to explain his reasoning behind opening up a location for donations. but it was time to find out the super bowl mvp.

joe relished in the moment for a little while longer. he stood there all alone with confetti still falling, watching each piece claim its own path in the air and landing in its own place.

with the team starting to load onto the stage that was quickly built for the occasion, joe snapped out of it.

it was a given who would receive super bowl mvp but the moment was more special than someone would imagine.

“i would love to accept this award but i would also love to share it with everyone on the team. everyone who has a number on their jersey, everyone who coached us and coordinated us here, down to the ones who supply our water… this is all for you. my hard work couldn’t be done without you.” joe says as he looks around and the crowd cheers for his every word.

as coach taylor takes the microphone, joe looks around. he reads a few signs, pointing to a few. one read, “when you have nobody else to look through in a crowd, look up to see the crowd has been extended!”

the rest of the celebration on the field felt silent. everything around joe seemed quiet as he was in his own little world, talking to you in his head.

“i did it. all for you.”

“everything i do is for you.”

“we won, we finally won.”

the words shared with you never came to an end.

even on the ride home.

he held onto the idea of coming home to see you. he held onto the dream he had the other night of going on a victory vacation with you. he held onto a lot.

but what he didn’t hold onto was the crowd at the after party. his after party was waiting at home.

ja’marr said not to get too sad and that he’d be over after a bit. joe was never one for crowds and especially when he’s full of emotions, the only thing to cure him was his home.

“honey, i’m home.” joe announces.

when he said nothing was going to change, he meant it. he switched the lights on, he dropped his bag at the end of the stairs, and he made it up to the bedroom.

when he is met with an empty room, he realized just how sad this was. that was when it hit him.

“find the noise if you need to.”

he pulls out his phone and asks ja’marr what his set plans were for the night. he texted back that he was stopping in at a party one of their teammates were throwing at a club and that he’d be over after.

“i actually want to go out tonight.” joe texts ja’marr.

“serious? i’ll send you my location and i’ll wait for when you get here.”

and that was it.

joe knew what he was previously going to do. he was going to drown in the silence and fall into a depressed slump. but once again, you wouldn’t want that. so, he found the noise. now he’s going to make some of his own.

just as you wanted him to.

fyi… i cried a time or two while writing this because battling cancer is real and i truly wish it wasn’t. any medical condition has its pain and all of them are valid but truly… f*ck cancer.

[korcariqueen]

A Second Shot ~ Logan Howlett x Fem! Reader

Content - Worst! Wolverine needs to take a break from the chaos of the apartment and goes to find a bar. Lucky for him he walks in to the one you work at.

A/N - Thank you so much for the love already. All the likes, comments and reposts have been so encouraging. I'm gonna go ahead with writing a full series. Like I said before this will be more adult 18+. Ya know sex, violence, swearing. All the good stuff 😂 stay tuned ❤️❤️❤️

Hi 👋 this is my first fic. Please comment if you like or have improvements. I have an idea to make this in to a full series that would be more 🌶 adult. Let me know if any of you are interested in reading that. Warning: Slight swearing

Logan needed to get out of the apartment. Wade and Peter had started to brainstorm the rebirth of X-Force 2.0, which Wade promised would be at least 40% less lethal than its predecessor. And for unknown reasons the ‘brainstorming’ included multiple whiteboards and creating a practice plane to ‘stick the landing unlike last time’. The ensuing DIY project caused Laura to barge out of her room, screaming at Wade about the noise. The merc with the mouth then thought it was wise to make a ‘menies’ joke. Not surprisingly Laura launched herself on the man, claws out.

I’m too sober for this.

That was enough for Logan to grab his leather jacket and head for the door. Logan walked down the busy New York streets. It was late September, the night was chilly with light rain splattering on the sidewalk. Logan was surprised by how lively the streets were for the time of night, before remembering it was a Friday. He wondered how long it had been since he was sober enough to remember the day of the week. He continued down the street, silently taking in the bustle. Taxi drivers were hitting the horns like they were paid by the noise. Young couples were making out in darkened alleys, lost in their own world. Logan smirked to himself. God when was the last time he did that? He shook the urge to wander down memory lane. He passed a few bars, neon lights flickering invitingly. He peered in. Bachelorette party. Could be fun but he just wanted a quiet drink tonight. Another. Karaoke night. Logan winced at the off tune, drunken singing. Heightened hearing had its downsides. Every bar and pub seemed packed with drunken revellers, ready to enjoy their night and invite the weekend with a killer hangover.

Logan was ready to give up and head back, knowing full well that Wade and Laura had probably destroyed the apartment, when he glanced across the street. A small bar, tucked away from the hustle and bustle of the street. ‘Sammy’s Bar’, adorned the sign above the door. Logan focused his hearing. There was definitely people in there but it sounded quiet enough. He crossed the road and walked down a few steps to the wooden door, before pushing it open. 

He stepped inside, the smell of hard liquor wafted in the air. The place was a decent size, something you wouldn’t be able to tell from the street. The space was dimly lit, a few old looking sconces dotted the far left wall above booth seating. A few people sat there, engrossed in hushed, alcohol soaked conversations. Small round table seating were dotted around the open middle section of the bar, their patrons loudly arguing over politics as the few ancient looking chandeliers above swayed slightly with the roar of traffic outside. On the far right stood the solid wood bar with a few high stools lining it, with a couple of people sitting watching a boxing match on the TV in the right corner. The bar had a few beer taps, the usual stuff and a few European beers. Logan rolled his eyes before catching the well stocked liquor on the wall. This will have to do. Logan walked to a vacant stool by the bar, next to a greying older man nursing his drinking and quietly reading a book. Shrugging off his jacket and lightly shaking off the droplets of rain that clung still to it. 

“Be there in sec.” called a voice from one of the tables. Logan grunted in response as he sat at the bar. He propped his forearms on the worn wood, interlocking his fingers. Bar must’ve been here a while judging by the wear of the wood. His eyes began to trace the scratched names on the surface. “Josh was here”, “For a good time call Chloe” “Kenny hearts Lisa”. He heard the hurried footsteps of the bartender rounding the bar to stand in front of him.

“So what can I getcha?,” came the cheerful voice. 

Logan lifted his head, “A double of..” His voice caught in his throat as his eyes widened slightly. You stood there with a bright smile adoring your face, head slightly cocked to the side. You looked to be in your late 20s, early 30s if he had to guess.Your hair was up in a high ponytail and you wore a black t-shirt that hugged your figure. Logan glimpsed your slightly loose jeans. Comfortable for working in a bar. 

“Ahem” Logan cleared his throat. “A double of Jamesons, neat. Thanks.”

“No problem. Coming right up.” You flashed him another stunning smile.

Oh fuck.

You pulled out a small step to help you grab the whiskey from the shelf. Your t-shirt riding up slightly showing off the small of your back and waist. Logan wondered what it would feel like to grip your waist as he- 

“Pipe down old man” Logan mentally scolded himself. You hoped for the step stool, whiskey in hand and began to pour his drink. You chatted with the, what he assumed to be, regulars sitting beside him; laughing and commenting on the match they were watching. 

God, even your laugh was beautiful.

“There you are”, you said as you placed Logan’s drink in front of him.

“Thanks.” He managed to muster without his voice cracking like a kid whose balls hadn’t dropped. He took a slow sip, letting the warming amber liquid melt his day’s stress away. 

“So I haven’t seen you around. We don’t get many new faces here.” You offered idle chat as you cleaned the bar around you.

“Urm no. Not been here before.” Logan offered in response.

“New in the neighbourhood?”

“Yeah you could say that” You have no idea.

“Well, welcome to our neck of the woods. Umm?” you asked.

“Logan. Thanks. Sammy?”

“Oh no.” You laughed, placing your hand on your chest. “ No Sammy’s my boss and owner of this fine establishment. I’m [Y/N]” you offered your hand to shake. Logan took it, his giant hands enveloping yours. He could have sworn he heard your breath hitch slightly at the contact and feel your heartbeat a little faster. You quickly retract your hand, Logan smirking slightly at your sudden awkwardness.

“Well Logan I’m happy you found us.”

“Yeah, most of the places ‘round here got too many people. Way too loud.” Logan said as he took another sip of his drink.

“Yeah. That’s why most of the old timers like it here…” Your hand flew to your open mouth as you realised what you had said. “I mean not you obviously.” you stuttered as you tried to recover your accidental insult. “I mean like the older guys like a quieter ambience you know like Leonard is always complaining about how those places you can’t hear yourself think” You are tripping on your words as your brain goes into overdrive. “Not saying you have the same issues as a 65 year old man!” Logan couldn’t help but laugh at your attempts to salvage your blunder. 

“I’m older than I look, darlin,” he says with a coy smile, glass still hovering at his lips.

“What? No you can’t be much older than me. Definitely under forty!” you stuttered out, still frazzled.

Logan's smile spread into a toothy grin. He was enjoying how flustered you were. 

“Hey [Y/N]! Another one when you’re done flirting with the new guy.” A man on the far side of the bar shouted, holding his empty pint glass.

“Shut up Leonard!” you yelled back. The man, Leonard, laughed in response. “Well I think I’ve embarrassed myself enough. I’ll leave you to your drink, Logan.” You gave a quick embarrassed smile as you hurried off to see to the other patrons. 

Logan let out a small laugh as could hear you scolding the man he presumed was Leonard. 

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Oh come on I’ve never seen you get all jittery before. Besides, you looked like you were drowning out there. What the hell did you even say to him” 

“Nothing! Just drop it or I’ll tell Martha you were here last Thursday when you were ‘working late at the office’.” you snapped back, glaring at the man. Leonard put his hands up in surrender, quietly conceding. 

[Y/N] quickly glanced over at Logan to see if witnessed the exchange. Logan kindly dropped his head, pretending to be fascinated by his glass. You let out a small relieved sigh, before leaving the bar to clear some tables. Logan lifted his head back up, making eye contact with Leonard across the bar. The man gave him a wide smile, lifting up his glass in a silent cheers, clearly enjoying how flustered he made their favourite bartender. Logan mirrored the action with his whiskey glass before taking another sip. 

The old man in the stool next to Logan began to stand up, closing his book and placing a few dollars on the to pay his tab. Grabbing his coat, he called out to you, “I’m off now [Y/N].” 

You turned, smiling at the man, “Okay Kenny. You take care. Bring Lisa next time, I miss her.” 

“I will. Night” The rest of the bar called out their goodbyes to the man as he finished putting on his coat. He began to walk past Logan before he stopped. Logan shifted slightly in his seat toward the man.

In a hushed tone “She works here most nights.” He flashed Logan a knowing smile and wink before donning his flat cap and walking out the bar. 

Logan couldn’t help but laugh and shake his head. Yeah this will definitely need to be a regular spot, especially if it means being served by a certain beautiful bartender. 

[littlemissfortune69]

I cant sleep so i want to write our big fluffy gohin, and for people who wants to read some new whb content please ask me i dont bite😖

Rough love

Smut, p-rn with plot, non-con, no real animals were used in here, switch reader, power bottom gohin, use of sex toys, pinv, if you are not comfortable dont read it, mdni, just smut, married reader and gohin.

PowerbottomGohin x switchreader

You have been fantasizing your hot panda husband, i mean who wouldn't?! He was big muscular and a fluffy furry panda. Who would ask for more?.

Sometimes you remember you won the lottery, not only was he a looker but but a doctor, he treats patients and is a honest guy.

There is just one thing that pisses you off.

"hubby...." you said leaning towards him, you were both on the couch, he was reading the news paper and you are bored.

"hm? Yes wifey?" gohin says still ashamed of the pet names you both used, "i was thinking... How bout you go rough on me tonight~..." you tease, he absolutely did not agree.

"no. Last time we did i wasn't able to walk, the whole black market thought i was getting old." he groaned, you whined "but i promise... I wont go hard on you... Gohinnn" you begged.

Even after three years of marriage, gohin and you still do not agree on certain things, especially during sex. Gohin doesn't understand on exploring stuff, meanwhile you horny and neglected wanting more than just basic and plain love making.

"wifey.. Listen we talked about this. Last week you wanted to do a porn video with me." he said putting down the newspaper

"hey that was reasonable..." you retorted. "Then the week before you wanted to be gangbanged." he raised his voice a little. "hey.... That was..wrong of me-" you looked down in defeat.

"And the week BEFORE you also begged to have sex. In my patient's apartment.! During their checkup!.." gohin didn't leave any room for buts or arguments.

Its been long since you last have sex with him, his schedule was tight... And you needed his dick so bad.!, you decided to just scroll on your phone. You didn't know but maybe the angels were listening to your please and prayers because an ad popped up on your phone.

It was an adult toy store shop online!, they have a sale sex doll for men and women, it was interesting since you can design your own doll to your preference.

You immediately bought one, the next day it arrived on your door step. You immediately hid it in the small extra guest bedroom you and gohin spare just in case for unexpected visits. So now you waited for your husband to leave for his daily checkups around the black market. You rushed to the guest bedroom.

you opened the box and a torso down to the legs was in the package. You checked the instructions, you custom designed the doll. It looked alot like gohin, soft fur, muscular body.

Using a blanket to cover up the neck and above, you stroke the silicone dick, it feels so real, suddenly you immediately remembered to charge your phone, you ran to your bedroom leaving the guest bedroom wide open.

Gohin went home the same moment, "wifey im home, i forgot my pain killers. Dang need a refill on those." but you didn't answer, gohin got a little worried. He went to the bedroom and heard you inside, he was about to leave when he sees the guest bedroom wide open.

He went in and the first thing that greets him was a torso of a panda that is similar to his physique, he got pissed.

He holds the sex doll in his hand, he felt a little jealous thinking he wasn't enough. He got a bold idea.

"whew! Finally found my charger.. Now where was i?" you turned to look at the fluffy panda doll on the bed, you immediately get to work, touching your pussy and breast.

It was hard, but you made it work, you lubricate the silicone dick and your pussy. "here goes nothing.."

You have been riding the doll for 2 and half hours, you rode it that your legs hurt but hey gohin said exercise is good.

"hngg!.. Ahh!" you moaned loudly, "t-this is! Amazing!" Getting loud enough that the whole neighborhood can hear.

Meanwhile you were oblivious that the doll you were riding wasn't your doll from ebay, but instead was your poor drained husband.

Gohin was drooling under the sheets as you kept draining his dick, his balls are drooping but you still kept on going. 'how much nut does she want?!' gohin thought not even understanding you stamina.

"ahh! Ahh! Yes! Hngg- oh- ah!" you kept grinding down on it, this cock was the best. The company did really good on the details and the custom dick you asked for.

'this- lustful woman!.. Ugh.. I need to stop her... But she's enjoying me too much.. Ugh-'.

Gohin cursed his head, he was warned before about your libido. He just didn't expect this to be that high!.

After an enjoyable hour of pleasurable work,you immediately thought of cleaning up, as you slowly pull down the blanket to lift the doll. You were shock to see you husband fainted.

"o-oh! Goodness! Hun?.. Are you alright?... Im so sorry i went too hard..." you asked gohin worriedly. "im-... Fine.. Just exhausted.." he reponded while panting like a dog out of exhaustion.

You cleaned your husband up and the dirty bedroom, "so sorry dear..." you apologized.

"yeah dont worry... Its my fault for playing with you.." he scratched his ear. "hmmm.. Why did you even hide under the covers?." you asked.

"um... I thought you were pulling a prank on me... You know.. I heard legoshi does these stuff- the kid knows alot." he said.

"but i didn't know i was neglecting you.... Im sorry..." he apologized hugging you from behind. "from now on. Everytime you feel pent up or in heat... Dont be afraid to ask me for help... That's why im your husband..." he said nuzzling his nose against your neck.

"gohin... Ah!.. Oh goodness you smell-" you said offending him, "then.. Lets take a shower together and maybe release some stea-" you hit him lightly. "PERVERT!"

He carries you like you weight nothing, "wow, its not like im the one who bought a custom sex doll similar to my spouse.." he chuckles while taking you to the bathroom.

He pushes you inside the shower and made sure to get you pregnant and the rest is history<3

Thanks for readingg<3 dont forget to like if you love it!<3 thank you for your support!! <3

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

It was a documentary, not a series, that's why we were not satisfied because we wanted fiction, not a docuseries.

This only solidifies my POV, which I have already gone over on the Under The Table Podcast and in many previous entries on my blog, about the whole problem with S3 being in the WR. Coming from a very solid S2 and amazing S1 award season, only made matters worse, of course.

Viewers appreciate realism, as a matter of fact the kind of audience The Bear appeals to is the kinda public that digs realism and adult content, with lots of cussing, raw directorial style, fast-paced, etc. We are not the typical rom-com or even drama series audience. The Bear became a hit show back in 2022 because its eps were fast-paced, with a dramedy quality that made it original, lots of adult language, and with a hint of sexual tension that was "promising" if explored in future seasons, that at that point were not confirmed yet. S2 was ordered in July 2022 in the middle of the momentum the show was starting to get, and shot from February to April 2023, then it premiered in June 2023, only to compete now, in this award season that opened a few weeks ago at the 76th Primetime Emmy Awards.

Meaning: the reason why S3 didn't work as expected, and the numbers back that up that is why they haven't released them yet, is because the writers were not able to write a BALANCED plot. Yes, it hit all the realistic marks in terms of mental health struggles and fine dining 7th circle of hell, but at the same time, it lost every other "ingredient" that it used to have. THERE IS A WAY to write the best of both worlds, and I certainly expected that coming from who I considered the best script writer out there, the sadist. And his right hand wired for romance, Miss Calo. They didn't do it. They disappointed me. They went all in with the docuseries' raw realism style of Carmy hitting rock bottom, which if you were really paying attention in S2 was nothing but PREDICTABLE → as I proved even before S3 premiered here and here but they didn't build towards a cliffhanger that left you wanting more, actually, 03X10 is altogether hard to watch, there's no balance like in FISHES 02x06, for instance, just one punch after the other, all below the belt, no comedy, no breather, just tragedy and more tragedy and more sense of doom and more PLEASE MAKE IT STOP! THAT'S IT, END THIS, PULL THE PLUG, STOP IT! etc... Like I said: No balance.

Storer only focused on Carmy's background story, but didn't give us anything we couldn't have figured out on our own anyway, he didn't explore Syd's background story, which should be a collection of gems and absolutely Sydcarmy friendly because the more we know about her, the better we will be able to figure out how will Sydcarmy happen and when (I already know when, but still) and he also focused on Tina's background story, IMO that was completely unnecessary as T is not a central character, what he showed there was also easy to guess anyway and could have been summarised in a couple of scenes, not an entire bottled episode, not when other characters are UNEXPLORED after 3 seasons. So basically, all the decisions made in terms of SCRIPT were WRONG. The acting was perfect, the direction was too, the soundtrack, the cinematography, all of it, but the foundation wasn't there because in the WR the creative decisions made for S3 were completely fucked up, we were served a docuseries as opposed to the fictional show with a realism bouquet we were watching the previous 2 seasons.

WE WANT TO WATCH FICTION, write it realistically, sure! BUT DON'T LOSE WHAT YOU HAVE SO FAR, DON'T MUTATE INTO A DOCUMENTARY OF ALL THAT'S WRONG IN THE MENTAL HEALTH DEPARTMENT OR IN SOCIETY OR IN THE CULINARY INDUSTRY, we already know that and if we don't, we can always tune in the motherfucking news, not FX, and certainly not Disney+. Thank you very much.

[scarletvanfleet]

Pairings: Josh Kiszka X Danny Wagner

Word Count: 13.9k

18+ NO MINORS! NO SMUT, BUT ADULT CONTENT BELOW CUT.

“Danny, did you know that the ancient Greeks recognized many different types of love? Eight really. But most people, if they do know about it, only know about three of them.”

Greek Loves Universe

Read on AO3

Warnings/Tags: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Fraternity, New Year's Eve, Angst, Pining, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Alcohol, Drug Use, Mushrooms, Marijuana, Confessions, Bonfires, Jealousy, Anger, Name-Calling, Coming Out, Kissing, Holding Hands, Shock, Frustration, Explicit Language, Guilt, Banter, Vomiting, Hallucinations, Paranoia, Cuddling & Snuggling, Sharing a Bed, Hangover, Anxiety, Awkwardness, References to Ancient Greek Religion & Lore, Apologies, Difficult Decisions, Awkward Conversations, Tension, Emotional Hurt, Panic Attacks, References to Arctic Monkeys, Crying, Sad Ending, Heartbreak.

Author's Note below the cut.

A/N: Hello again my friends. This is something I have been working on for many months and honestly I would not have finished without the continual support of my friends @kultavalo (#1 Beta Reader) & @jake-whatthefisgoingon-kiszka.

Please note that this read is not for the faint of heart. That being said, heed all above warnings and DO NOT continue if it is not for you.

If I have by chance missed something, do please let me know.

𓇢𓆸

Danny knew that when the Kiszka brothers joined a fraternity at MSU, he would eventually get roped into coming to some kind of party. What he didn’t expect was that it would be New Years of all things. He was more expecting a toga party or some other off the wall event. But no, it was two weeks before the thirty-first that Danny got a text from his best friend Sam’s older brother Josh inviting him to come out to their frat’s big night. He was apprehensive at first, never really being one to really party much. He would rather have stay at home in the safety and security of his own bed. But when Josh hit him with the “I miss you” text, he lost all sense of anxiety surrounding the idea of being grouped in with a bunch of strangers.

“I miss you” wouldn’t have hit nearly as hard as it did if Danny hadn’t been secretly pining over Josh since they were in High School. Of course Sam was never the wiser to his crush and Danny thought for the longest time that he would like to keep it that way.

Until now.

Danny was old enough now that he felt he had little left to lose by making his move on Josh. He just didn’t know how to go about it. But planning never did seem to make things easier for him in the dating department. It always seemed like it went better if things developed organically. Though he did promise himself that no matter what, he was going to try to be Josh’s New Year’s kiss.

Josh was everything that Danny had always wanted in a partner. He was sweet, loving, kind, and shared his love around freely. He was absolutely beautiful as well, with his cropped mane of curly chestnut colored hair, lightly golden tan skin, and chocolate colored eyes. He was much shorter than Danny, but Danny loved the height difference as it made it so that Josh’s head rested perfectly on his chest every time they hugged.

He did indeed miss all three of the Kiszka brothers when they’d made the move to East Lansing to go to school, and Danny had stayed behind, preferring to focus on other ventures for the time being. He missed the days of playing music in their garage and sneaking alcohol from their parents' cabinets. But those days were long gone and now all that was left was the lingering emptiness that came with having his three closest friends living far away from him.

The day of the 31st came and Danny had his bag packed and ready to go. He loaded up his car and quickly drove by the bank to grab some cash that Jake, Josh's twin, had actually recommended he bring to pitch in for tonight's beverages. In the short phone call Jake had also mentioned that the fraternity brothers were planning on making jungle juice. Which Danny thought sounded intriguing, as he had never heard of such a thing before.

As he left town he thought back to Sam, a small worry knot tying itself within the depths of his stomach as he considered how his friend would react to him making a move on his brother. Would he think it was weird? Would he be okay with it? His mind raced as he drove down the highway. He also thought about Jake and how close he was to Josh and what he might think of the situation as well. Danny groaned and rubbed a hand over his face.

This was going to be a long night.

𓇢𓆸

When he arrived at the boy’s house he was pleasantly surprised to find a small red brick home with a tiny front yard that was neatly kept. As he stepped out of his car he saw Sam throw open the door and run down the pathway towards him. He jumped straight into Danny’s waiting arms and hugged him tightly.

“Danny boy!” He yelled loudly as he rocked him back and forth.

“Hey Sammy boy. How are you?” He asked, taking a step back from him and putting his hands on Sam’s shoulders so that he could get a full view of him. He looked pretty much the same as he had this past summer, save for his hair being a bit longer. Sam shared some of the same features as the twins, but his were sharper and more defined. His hair hung long and nearly completely straight past his shoulders, only the slightest of curls could be perceived at the nape of his neck. Same chestnut color and pretty dark eyes, but his face was longer and leaner. His whole body was, really. He was also taller than them, closer to Danny's height.

“I'm good, I'm good. Glad you're here! We were just about to start getting ready to head over to the fraternity house. Do you wanna like, catch a shower or anything?" Sam asked as he opened up Danny's trunk, grabbed his bag, and swung it over his shoulder.

“Nah I'm good, showered this morning. Is what I'm wearing good? I brought some other stuff because I wasn't sure what to wear." Danny tried to take his bag from Sam but he wasn't having it. He turned away from Danny and headed back up the pathway to the house, looking back to see if Danny was following. Which he was.

“Okay cool, yeah man, wear whatever you want. It's casual. But if you're looking to pick someone up you might have to try harder than that. Girls here are a little harder to get than back home." Sam winked at him and then opened the door, holding it open so Danny could enter.

If only Sam knew.

The house was decorated pretty randomly and haphazardly with different music and movie posters, various plants, and little tidbits everywhere. The furniture was mismatched but comfortable. It reminded him much of the garage where they all hung out as teenagers. Only this was much cleaner. Probably thanks to Jake and his pension for tidiness.

Right as Danny was thinking about Jake, he came around the corner from the kitchen with a towel over his shoulder and a wide smile on his face. His straight hair had gotten longer too, but his face had remained the same, nearly identical to Josh's but with a slightly more upturned nose and deeper set eyes.

“Hey Danny! Glad to see you made it in one piece!" He clapped him on the shoulder before bringing him in for a brief hug.

“Yeah the drive wasn't too bad luckily. You never know how it can get with Michigan in wintertime you know?" Danny shrugged and continued glancing around the house. He hoped Josh was here somewhere but it was looking like it was just the three of them.

“Josh is at the store already with some of the guys picking up stuff for the jungle juice tonight." Sam said as he tossed Danny's bag to the couch. He always seemed to know what Danny was thinking before he even said it.

“Oh okay. Speaking of which. I grabbed some cash like Jake recommended if you just wanna give it to whoever. Also, what even is jungle juice?” Danny pulled the bills out of his wallet and pressed them into Jake's palm, who shoved them into his own front pocket.

"Essentially it's a bunch of different types of alcohol and juices all mixed together in a big tub.Sometimes we put fruit in it. Tastes great usually but just be careful. It's stronger than it seems, and don’t trust the fruit if it’s been in there a while.” Jake playfully knocked into his shoulder before turning to go back into the kitchen from which he had emerged.

“Oh I don't know how much I'll be drinking tonight…” Danny made eye contact with Sam again who gave him a small smile.

" It's New Year's Danny! No better time to become a drunken menace to society. Don't worry, there are designated drivers to bring us all home safely.” Sam made a cross over his heart and smiled at Danny.

" If you say so Sam.”

𓇢𓆸

It was about an hour later that they made it over to the fraternity house. Jake, being the responsible older brother that he was, had insisted upon making them eat before heading over. Danny had also taken the opportunity to change into a halfway buttoned black shirt and black jeans. He thought he looked rather nice with his long dark curls falling over his shoulders. He definitely could use the confidence boost to get through what he was planning for the night.

There were already some people milling about in the house and on the patio when the three of them arrived. Jake led them inside, making short introductions here and there just in case Danny should need someone throughout the night and not be able to find one of them. Josh was still nowhere to be seen and Danny was starting to become anxious that somehow he had missed the older boy completely yet again.

Finally he heard it. The loud and easily recognizable laughter that could only come from Josh himself. Danny stiffened a little but quickly recovered before anyone noticed. Finally, they walked into a large, wide open room with a pool table in the center and a couch pushed up against the wall. A large TV stood at the other end of the room, and a few stray chairs were placed around the table. And there was Josh, sitting backwards on one of the chairs, a huge smile on his face. His hair was a mess of unruly curls and he wore a plain white long sleeve shirt with khaki colored pants. A string of beads hanging loosely around his neck.

He looked gorgeous, Danny thought to himself as he continued to follow the brothers around to where Josh was happily chatting with his friends. Josh lit up as soon as he saw Danny and immediately stood up to throw his arms around his neck.

“Danny! It’s so good to see you! I feel like it’s been forever.” He smiled as he pulled back, but put his hands on either side of Danny’s face and looked him over. Danny gave him a small smile before dropping his arms and allowing himself to be observed.

“It’s only been a couple of months.” he replied.

“Well realistically I know that, but like I told you. I missed you.” He finally dropped his hands but kept looking into Danny’s eyes.

“I missed you too Josh. So what are you guys doing?” he asked, noticing that now the conversation around them had somewhat died down and people were starting to disperse into other rooms since Josh was no longer holding them captive in conversation.

“Well, we were having a rousing conversation about the plans for the night's events. But it would seem as though my fellow comrades have abandoned me. So we are left to our own devices.” Josh laughed and then looked over to his brothers who had placed themselves around the pool table and were mindlessly playing with the billiard balls.

“It’s still early Josh, there’s hardly any people here right now. What do you expect?” Jake rolled his eyes and tossed the ball he had been holding back onto the table and then turned to lean his back against the wood. Sam continued tossing his ball in the air and catching it as he walked back and forth along the length of the room.

“I dunno, you guys wanna smoke or something?” Josh asked, raising a brow.

Danny shrugged and the others nodded their agreement. Sam placed his ball down on the table and followed as they all went out through the french doors. Outside there was a large courtyard that was made up of a cobblestone porch with a sunken fire pit in the middle. There was a light layer of snow on the ground where it hadn’t been shoveled away completely.

“Jake you got a light?” Josh asked as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small rectangular cigarette case. He opened it quickly and slid out a joint. Jake nodded and reached into his own pocket and produced a black lighter.

“Nice.” He plucked the lighter from Jake’s hand and lit the joint easily. He then handed it off to Jake who took a couple hits and passed it over to Danny. Danny repeated Jake’s actions and then held it out to Sam. They all took turns rotating the joint around until it was burnt down sufficiently and then Josh snubbed it out on the bottom of his shoe and shoved the roach into his pocket. Danny giggled a little, feeling the effects of the weed entering his system. Josh caught his eye and smiled.

“Feeling good Danny?” He asked as he reached out to place his hand on Danny’s shoulder.

Danny could feel the warmth of his hand through the fabric of his button up and it nearly made him shiver. “Yeah, but it’s starting to get too cold out here. You guys want to go back inside?” He asked.

“For sure! Let’s play Mario Kart or something.” Sam suggested as they turned to go back in the doors to the room with the pool table.

“I’m totally going to kick your ass Sam!” Danny told him as he shoved his arm playfully. Sam giggled and pushed him back. Soon they had settled down and were playing a group game of Mario Kart. Jake had picked Luigi, Sam picked Yoshi, Danny picked Mario, and Josh chose Princess Peach. Danny smiled to himself about their picks and they played round after round until finally they gave up and announced Jake the winner overall. He was always the most competitive out of the group, though Josh did like to give him a run for his money and Sam was known for taking whatever route necessary to win. Even if that did involve some cheating. He always got called out on it though.

“Hey Josh! We’re going to start mixing soon if you want to help!” came the voice of a young man from the kitchen area they entered through to get to the pool room.

“Guess that’s my cue. Danny, you want to come see how it’s done?” He asked as he set the controller back on the tv stand.

“Yeah sure that sounds fun.” Danny replied and put his controller on the stand too before turning and following Josh into the kitchen.

There was a group of about five people in the kitchen, all standing around, chit chatting with each other. In the center of the room was a large island with a big plastic bin on it with a ladle off to the side. Large bottles of various alcohols were lined up on the counter top, as well as about eight large bottles of different juices and mixers. There were also a few big bags of ice in the sink and some random cut up fruits on a cutting board.

“Wow, you guys really went all out. Is all of this going in there?” Danny asked as he turned a bottle of alcohol around to read the label.

“Yup! We tried to get things that would kind of go together at least so that way it tasted decent. We’ve had some bad batches before.” Josh responded as he began cracking the lids open on the different bottles

“You guys do this often then?”

“For just about every major function, and sometimes on a smaller scale on the weekends just for fun.” Josh shrugged and turned to one of the guys who was lining the walls. “Hey Justin. I think we’re ready to pour.” Josh smiled at him and Justin returned the smile before announcing to everyone to grab a bottle.

Everyone grabbed a random bottle or jug of whatever was closest and on Josh’s count of three began pouring it into the bin. It filled up quickly and after a quick mix, the liquid turned a light rosy pink color, and smelled somewhat like strawberry.

“That’s it?’ Danny asked as he turned to throw the bottle he was holding into the trash can.

“Well, now we throw in all that fruit, and pour it over some ice and the party really starts I suppose.” Josh laughed and reached over to grab the cutting board. He slid in all the fruit and then gave the batch another stir.

“It doesn’t look all that intimidating, Jake made it sound kind of scary.” Danny said, giving Josh a slow smile.

“Looks can be deceiving darling. Did he warn you about the fruit?” Josh said as he reached for a cup and went around to fill it with ice. Danny hid the slight prickle he felt on his skin at the endearment.

“Yeah but he said only if it’s been sitting in there a while.”

“Right he is. It sucks up all the alcohol in there and gets super potent, it’ll knock you on your ass if you aren’t careful. Wouldn’t want you to get too messed up.” Josh winked at him as he began ladling the mixture into cups and handing it out to the people in the kitchen who took it and then began making their way out. Danny stayed next to Josh as he did this and they chatted about different things. Josh remained close to Danny, grazing his arm every now and then and gently grazing his back with his hand when he needed to get around him. Each touch had Danny biting the inside of his cheek. Finally they were alone in the kitchen and sipping at their drinks slowly.

“Are you doing okay Danny? You’ve been awful quiet tonight.” Josh observed.

“Yeah I’m good, just thinking you know.” Danny responded. He could feel the intensity of Josh’s undying curiosity as he looked at him.

“Thinking about what?” Josh asked, swallowing down more of the sweet drink and then leaning over the counter top with his head tilted to the side as he looked at Danny.

Danny took a deep breath and then sighed before quietly saying “You.” and looking away. He took another long drink of the alcohol in his cup before realizing it was now empty.

Josh blinked in confusion and opened his mouth “ Wha…?”

But Danny didn’t get a chance to respond because at that moment Sam came into the kitchen and began rummaging around, grabbing cups and ice and pouring his own drinks. Soon Danny found himself being tugged back outside by his arm by Sam who told him he wanted to introduce him to someone.

They stepped out onto the front patio where they had originally come into the house and there was a small group of people just outside the door. Danny could smell the weed they were smoking as they passed a pipe around. Sam dropped his arm as they entered the circle. The group all greeted him and then offered him the pipe which he took gratefully.

“Guys, this is my best friend Daniel. He came down from Frankenmuth to spend New Years with us.” Sam announced.

Danny gave them all a small wave. A small girl with long blonde hair stepped forward towards him and held out her hand. “Hey Daniel, I’m Lena. I’ve heard a lot about you from Sammy.” She smiled and Danny caught just a small glance of her bright blue eyes in the light from the porch.

“Nice to meet you Lena, please, just call me Danny. Sam is the only one who insists on calling me Daniel.” He laughed and took her hand which was soft and so much smaller than his own.

“That’s your name isn’t it?” Sam retorted, and then tried to hand the pipe to Danny which he declined. Sam shrugged and handed it to Lena instead who took it after dropping Danny’s hand.

“Well yeah but you’re the only one who calls me by my full government name Samuel.” Danny laughed. Lena smiled and took to standing next to Danny.

“So, Sammy told me that you play drums? I do too. Just started a couple years ago. My sister and I kind of have a little duo going on.” Lena captured his attention once more and he noticed her twist a lock of her hair around her index finger.

“Oh sweet. Yeah I’ve been playing a while. Sam and his brothers and I used to have this kind of band thing going on. Used to play in their garage all the time. Then they all moved up here for school so now it’s just me.”

She frowned a little at this and said “Well that sucks. Maybe you should come here too then. Join the frat? Get the band back together. I know I wouldn’t mind seeing you again.” he saw her wink at him and he stiffened suddenly realizing what was going on. His head swiveled around to Sam, who raised his eyebrow and gave him a small encouraging smile. Danny blinked and then quickly excused himself to the restroom. He opened the door to the house and walked back through the kitchen, seeing Jake and Josh as well as their friends still hanging around the island. He went directly to Jake and asked him where the bathroom was, trying but failing to completely avoid Josh’s gaze. They locked eyes for a split second before Danny tore his eyes away and headed down the hall adjacent to the kitchen that Jake told him would lead him to the bathroom.

He opened the door to the bathroom and set his cup on the sink. He looked at himself in the mirror briefly and ran a hand through his hair. He could feel the alcohol and weed already starting to mix in his body and took a deep stabilizing breath. Quickly, he relieved himself and then washed his hands. He stayed in the bathroom a little longer just enjoying the peace that came with the solitude. But his peace was broken not five minutes later when there was a soft knock at the door.

“Out in a minute!" He called to the unknown person.

“Danny, it’s me.” Came Josh’s voice from the other side of the door.

Danny sighed and grabbed his cup. He opened the door and stepped out, Josh moved out of the way so that it didn’t hit him.

“Hey man, you sure you’re doing okay?” Josh asked yet again. Looking Danny over for any sign of illness.

“Yeah I’m fine. Just needed a break and now a refill.” Danny held up his cup at him and shook it slightly.

“Okay. I just-” Josh said quietly enough that Danny didn’t quite hear him as he had already begun turning and making his way back to the kitchen to refill his drink. Josh followed him but stayed quiet and watched him fill his cup and top it off with a couple slices of orange.

“I think we’re going to start a fire and maybe play some beer pong?’ Jake said to Danny as he watched him drink from his cup a little quicker than he had been before, his brows slightly furrowed.

“Sounds good. Didn’t see any firewood though. Unless you guys have it hidden somewhere?” Danny laughed, fully engaged in his conversation with Jake.

“Nah, but we do have a dried out Christmas tree because we never watered that thing to keep it alive!” Jake laughed back and then noted his own empty cup and went to refill it.

“You’re going to set a Christmas tree on fire?” Danny asked, curiosity overtaking him as he recalled the courtyard out back and the fire pit.

“Yeah we’re going to throw some lighter fluid on it and light it up in the pit outside. Should be fun. Too bad we didn’t think about getting marshmallows though!” Jake poked Danny in the shoulder and he could tell by his demeanor that he was already feeling the effects of the alcohol, as a large smile had crawled across his face and wasn’t breaking any time soon. Danny shook his head and smiled back.

It was unusual for Josh to be as quiet as he had been since Danny revealed that he’d been thinking about him. But Danny tried to mind his own business and give Josh a wide berth as he was already somewhat embarrassed by Josh’s reaction.

But he still had a plan to stick to, and with less than an hour until midnight, he had to start making things happen. He decided now that it would be a good time to put some distance between himself and the kitchen so he filled his cup a final time and went out into the courtyard to watch as the other fraternity brothers began preparing to light the tree on fire. The tree itself was already drug out of the living area and into the pit, and was currently being doused with lighter fluid. Soon after, Jake walked out and joined him at the edge of the pit and watched as the others continued their work.

“So I take it you met Lena.” Jake said, bringing his cup to his lips once more.

“How’d you know?”

Jake laughed “ Well, when you came inside you looked like you’d seen a ghost. Plus Sammy isn’t very good at keeping things on the down low. We knew he had a plan for trying to hook you up with someone tonight. Go figure it’d be the drum playing sorority girl from his anatomy class.”

“I just can’t believe he thinks I need to be hooked up with someone. Do I really seem that desperate Jake?” Danny asked him, looking over at the other man.

“Not desperate, no. But it has been a while since we’ve seen you with someone.” Jake shook the ice around in his cup and looked up to meet Danny’s eyes. “What? Am I missing something here?" Jake's eyebrows knit together.

"I just. I like someone else, okay?” Danny sighed, it felt weird to be admitting it.

"Oh? Who? Someone from back home?” Jake asked as his curiosity was peaked.

"Kind of yeah.” He replied, sipping his drink a bit more before plucking one of the pieces of fruit from it and taking a bite.

" How could they kind of be from home? That implies that they're also kind of not from home.” Jake chuckled. Danny didn't respond because at that time Josh, Sammy and a group of others decided to join them outside. Once most of the partygoers had gathered, one of the brothers threw a match onto the tree and it lit up quickly, warming the whole area and dousing it with a yellow-orange glow.

Sam and Josh made their way over to Danny and Jake and made a little circle.

“Hey I was wondering where you’d gotten off to.” said Sammy as he made eye contact with Danny.

“Bathroom. Then got to talking with Jake. So what's the deal Sammy, why are you so interested in my love life?" Danny chuckled but his expression was serious. The twins both snapped their heads over to Danny, their eyes wide and Sammy’s jaw gaped.

“I- I just thought you might like her." Sammy said innocently.

“Like who?" Josh inquired, his voice going up an octave.

Danny took note of the change in Josh's voice and watched the brothers interaction intently.

Sam cleared his throat and looked down before quietly saying “Lena…”

"LENA?!” Josh said loudly, causing a few nearby people to give him a strange look. "Seriously?!”

Danny was confused by this sudden outburst but when he looked down he saw Josh's cup was again empty and the response began to kind of make sense.

“What's wrong with Lena? She's a nice girl!" Sam defended, looking to Jake for back up. Jake just held his hands up in a way that said “Leave me out of this."

“Nice? Sammy. You're really going to hook up your best friend with one of your flings?" Josh looked pissed, his cheeks even more red than they had been before this conversation came up.

Danny felt his heart drop and he looked from Josh to Sam. “Sam?" Danny asked, his voice sounding a little hurt. Not that he was particularly interested in the girl in the least. But the fact that his friend would just pass off one of his endeavors to him like that kind of irked him.

Sam looked guilty and began biting on his thumb nail. It only took a few seconds of all three of them staring at him before he broke. “Yes! Okay. I did sleep with her. So what?! She's still cool. Cool enough for me to introduce her to Danny! I thought they'd like each other. She was interested anyway!" He tried to defend himself but it would seem as though the damage had been done.

Danny shook his head in disappointment and Josh just glared at Sam. “ Danny deserves better than that you idiot!" Josh exclaimed, obviously still feeling the anger.

“It's fine. I wasn't interested." Danny looked away from the group and over to the fire where a few frat brothers had taken their shirts off and were running around the pit yelling.

“Yeah. Besides, you like someone else anyway, right?” Jake said hopefully. He was obviously trying to steer the conversation in a different direction but it caught Danny off guard that he just said that out loud in front of Josh. He tensed up and gave Jake a quick look as he tried not to panic.

“Yeah." He laughed it off.

“Who?!" Josh demanded, catching Danny's eyes. Danny stared back at him but said nothing.

“Don't know. He just said it was someone kind of from home." Jake shrugged.

Danny watched as Josh's expression softened some and his jaw relaxed. “Oh." Was all he said.

The group went quiet for a moment and Danny took that as his cue to finish off the rest of his drink. He'd begun feeling the effects of the liquor more around the time that Josh outed Sam's indiscretion, but he tried his best not to show that his head was slightly swimming. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Jake check his phone. He noted that there was only about 5 minutes until midnight and swallowed hard. Fuck, how am I supposed to pull this off he thought to himself.

“I'm sorry Danny, I shouldn't have done that. I really didn't think it mattered." Sam spoke up out of the awkward silence.

“It's fine Sam. Just don't try to hook me up with anyone else okay?" Danny gave him a small smile and gently pushed his shoulder. Sam returned the smile and nodded in agreement.

"Are you going to tell us who this mystery girl is Danny?” Asked Josh.

"Ah… It's uhm. Yeah, it's not a girl." Danny scratched the back of his head and looked off towards the fire again as his cheeks reddened. He realized he'd never actually discussed his sexuality with them before. He never really felt the need to. He met Josh's eyes when he felt brave enough and saw the expression of calm understanding there with maybe a hint of surprise. He then looked at Sam who of course had his mouth slightly agape, and finally to Jake who had a smug smile on his lips.

“Why didn't you tell me?" Squeaked Sam.

“I didn't feel like I needed to." Danny shrugged.

“Because you don't. You didn't. You owe none of us that." Said Josh who looked back over to Sammy as if telling him to shut the hell up.

“Thanks." Danny gave Josh a small smile and looked down into his cup where he noted a few more pieces of fruit within the ice. He pulled one out and tossed it into his mouth.

"Hey everyone! We're about to start the countdown!” Yelled one of the shirtless men that had been parading around the tree. There were some cheers as everyone began to crowd closer to the fire.

Danny watched the brother's walk towards the fire and took his own place in between Josh and Sam with Jake just to the left of his twin.

The countdown began and Danny could feel his heart race as they loudly counted back from 30. With each decreasing number he felt his nerves rise, his palms to become somewhat sweaty and he had to wipe them off on his pant legs.

“Ten!"

“Nine!"

“Eight!"

“Seven!"

“Six!"

“Five!"

“Four!"

“Three!"

“Two!"

“One!"

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!" Yelled the chorus of people outside on the patio as the fire burned and a few people blew on tiny party horns. Fireworks began cascading from the skies above.

Danny took a deep breath and turned towards Josh who had a wide smile on his face and was watching the various celebrants as they cheered and some kissed. Josh felt the movement and turned his head towards Danny and locked him in with those stunning sparkly eyes.

“Josh?" He asked

“Yeah?"

“It's midnight."

“Yeah I know. And?" He continued smiling but looked a little confused at the discourse.

“Can I kiss you?" Danny asked. He hoped he'd gathered enough courage to say it loud enough that Josh could hear him over the celebrations.

Josh looked a little surprised, but took next to no time at all to agree, nodding his head as he said “Yeah."

Danny reached out a hand and cupped it along Josh's jawline and pulled him in. He could feel the smaller man slightly lifting up on his toes as they pressed their lips together. Josh's lips were soft and warm and he tasted just like the fruit from the jungle juice. Danny's eyes slipped shut as he saw Josh do the same. It was a sweet, slow kiss that made everything around them fall away, including the loud celebrations. The only thing Danny could hear was the soft hum that came from Josh’s mouth as he slightly deepened the kiss. He felt Josh's arms wrap around his waist loosely and took a small breath in through his mouth. It was shaky at best but Josh was smiling as he pulled back and they both opened their eyes.

“Hi" Josh said shyly as he moved his arms from around Danny's waist to rest his hands gently on his chest.

Danny chuckled a little “Hi."

They just stared into each other's eyes for a moment while they came out of their little bubble. Danny looked up when he heard Jake's laughter. He met his eyes and Jake just let out a resounding “I knew it!".

They finally broke apart, but Josh grabbed his hand and laced their fingers together keeping them connected.

Danny knew he would have to face Sam's reaction sooner rather than later, so he turned his body back to the fire and then looked to his right to see his best friend's face. His expression was nothing short of shock.

“Danny? What the hell man?" He spat, exasperation lacing every word.

" Sam, don't be mad. Please?” Danny begged.

" Mad? I'm not mad. Confused? Hell yeah. Josh is who you like? Why didn't you tell me?” He remarked for the second time that night.

" He's your brother Sam. I didn't know how you'd react.” He replied somewhat guiltily.

" Well I'm a little shocked but like… It makes sense now. What you said, about liking someone ‘kind of’ from home."

Danny just nodded and looked back over at Josh who was staring into the fire with a content look on his face.

“Josh?" Danny asked, pulling his attention from the blaze.

“Yeah?"

“You okay?" He looked closer at Josh's face and noted how dazed he was beginning to appear. Josh's head swung over to him and he looked up at him through his lashes.

“Yeah I just think those shrooms might be kicking in.” He said nonchalantly before turning to his twin. " Can we go home now Jake? “

Danny's ears perked at the mention of the substance and he snapped his head up to Jake.

“Shrooms? He took shrooms? Josh. You took shrooms?!" Danny said in shock.

“Hey I didn't know either until just now. But yeah let's go home. I'll grab one of the DDs." Jake shrugged and turned to walk over to a group of people.

"What's wrong Danny? I'm fine.” Josh asked, though his eyes were a little distant and his speech was the tiniest bit slurred.

“You're not fine. You're drunk and you took shrooms and you didn't tell us? Josh…” Danny lightly scolded him. It wasn’t like Josh had never done shrooms before, but never in combination with weed and alcohol as far as Danny knew, and never without telling someone.

Josh squeezed his hand and gave him a small smile. “Let's go home. I don't want to be around all these people when it really hits. I just want to be with you."

Danny couldn't know if Josh actually meant that or not due to his current state. He couldn't even trust his own mind at this point to tell him if he was overreacting. There were too many thoughts going through his head right now and it began to hurt. He raised his hand that wasn't currently occupied by Josh's hand to his face and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Danny? You okay?" Came Sam’s voice.

“Yeah I'm fine, stupid headache. Can we go now?" Danny was getting a little agitated between everything going on and his head starting to pound, he could feel it bleeding into his words.

About that time Jake came back to the group with two other men and announced it was time to go. The brothers said their goodbyes as they walked through the throngs of people back inside and through the pool room to the kitchen and then outside onto the porch where they had come in.

Danny saw Lena as they were leaving. She looked from his face down to his fingers that were still intertwined with Josh’s and raised a brow at him. He couldn’t care less though. The only thing that mattered to him was getting Josh home and into bed safely.

𓇢𓆸

The drive back to the boys’ house was relatively short, but that didn't keep Josh from laying across Danny's lap and insisting on him playing with his hair. Which Danny of course obliged without complaint. Jake, who was sitting on the other side of Josh, just propped his elbow against the window with a small smile on his face as he watched them from the corner of his eye. Sam, who was sitting passenger next to their designated driver for the evening, was rather quiet. Danny hoped that he wasn't really more angry at him than he had led on. But he knew going into this that it was always a risk.

Finally they reached the house and Danny slowed his methodical stroking of Josh's hair only for the boy's eyes to pop open quickly and look up at him. There was only a small amount of dim lighting filtering in through the window from the street light, but despite this, Danny could still see the glossy and dazed expression on Josh's face as he gazed into his eyes.

“What Josh?" Danny asked.

"You're pretty." Josh sighed and continued to lay still in his lap before Jake rolled his eyes and grabbed his arms to pull him into a sitting position with a huff.

Danny's cheeks flushed pink at the compliment and he tried to hide the small smile on his lips. Jake threw open the door and hauled Josh out with him, an arm wrapped securely around his waist. Danny hurried and threw his seatbelt off, thanking the driver as he got out of the car to lightly jog around to the curb to meet Jake, who was struggling to keep Josh on his feet. Danny quickly went around the other side and hoisted Josh's arm around his shoulder and put his own arm below Jake's, around Josh's waist.

Sam too had gotten out of the car and upon observing them struggling with Josh, scoffed loudly and cut through the grass, going in front of them to unlock the door. He did so and then held it open for them to drag Josh through and set him down on the beat up couch. Josh very quickly laid down on his side on the couch and closed his eyes, though he could still be heard humming some random song that Danny couldn't really make out.

“Okay well, he probably needs to eat something. You know, soak up all that bullshit he downed. Seriously Josh what the fuck got into you tonight?" Sam had his arms crossed over his chest as he regarded his brother with a pinched expression.

Josh fluttered his eyes open and made eye contact with Sam before he lifted a single hand and flipped him off.

“That's nice. Fuck you too dude." Sam threw up his hands and turned to head into the kitchen.

Jake shook his head and looked at a very clearly uncomfortable Danny.

“Hey. It's okay. I'm gonna go make sure he's not poisoning the food and then we're all gonna come back in here and eat okay? Then maybe showers if you want and bed." Jake was very calm as he spoke to him, almost as if he was a frightened animal that Jake was trying very hard to soothe.

Danny nodded and looked down at his feet. The residual effects of the booze and weed together were creating a noxious mixture in his stomach and he knew that, added with the anxiety of whatever this was with Josh, this thing with Sam was only going to worsen the impact on his stomach.

Jake’s eyebrows furrowed quickly as he looked over Danny’s troubled face which he noticed was beginning to twinge green.

“Oh fuck. Okay, come on. Come with me. Right now." Jake grabbed him by the bicep and hauled him down the hallway to the end where the bathroom was and pushed him in haphazardly before shoving him to the floor in front of the toilet.

It really was just in the nick of time as Danny barely had time to lift the lid before he was expelling the contents of his stomach into the still water of the bowl.

He heard Jake sigh and then Josh yelling down the hall “Where's Danny? Is he okay? What's that sound?!”

He couldn't say a single word before another onslaught of vomit was making its way out and he heard the sound of quick steps hitting against the wood floors. “Jake, fucking move." Came Sam's voice. There was a brief shuffle and then he felt warm palms stroking the hair back from his face and into a makeshift ponytail at the nape of his neck. The distinct clicking sound of Jake's heeled boots retreating down the hall was all Danny could hear before Sam kicked the door shut.

It was silent for a while as Danny regained his bearings and focused on whether or not he was going to throw up again. After a few minutes the nausea resolved and he reached a hand up to flush the toilet. Sam released his hair from his hold and went to the sink and pulled out a washcloth from the cabinet underneath. He ran cool water over it before squeezing it to a light dampness and then forced it to Danny's mouth and made him hold it there.

Danny sighed and sat back against the bathtub to his left and looked up at Sam who leaned against the door with his arms crossed. He looked thoroughly unimpressed and all Danny could think to do was pull his knees up to his chest and apologize.

“Sam…I'm so sorry. I-”

"Oh shut up with that would you. Don't apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for. Yeah, sure, maybe I'm a little pissed that you've been pining after my brother for who knows how long and you didn't think it was worth telling me before sucking his face off in front of me. But I don't hate you for it. God, what kind of monster do you think I am?” Sam rolled his eyes and dropped his arms from his chest and came to sit on the edge of the tub next to Danny.

“I don't think you're a monster. I could never think that. I guess I just… I don't know. I should have told you. I was just scared.” Danny sighed and put his forehead down on his knees.

“Oh come on Daniel. It's okay. I'm okay, I'm not mad and I mean… It looks like things went okay with Josh? I mean he let you kiss him and he kissed you back and now he won't shut up about you.” He tried his best to sound optimistic.

" Yeah. But he's drunk..and stuff… I.. I don't know how much of this I can actually trust. But really I had no idea how much he drank and I didn't know about the shrooms and I-” he cut off with a choked whimper and Sam's eyes softened into a sympathetic expression.

" Dan…Hey. We know. Hell if you want to really be honest you weren't exactly sober yourself. Please don't beat yourself up thinking you forced this on him. You guys just need to talk okay? Get it all out in the open, and if you decide you want to be together, I promise I won't be a dick about it." Sam tried to comfort him with a hand to his back, rubbing small circles over his shirt.

Danny sat quiet and contemplative for a while before taking a deep breath and nodding.

"You're right. I'll talk to him. Tomorrow though. He's gone right now I think.” Danny lifted his head and looked at the closed bathroom door. He could hear random sounds from beyond it but didn't know what they could possibly be. Sam just hummed as he continued to rub Danny's back.

"That sounds good. Hey why don't I bring you your bag and you can shower and stuff. I threw a frozen pizza in the oven, it should be ready when you get out.” Sam suggested with a small smile.

"That would be great. Thank you Sammy.” Danny slowly got up from his position on the floor and stood in front of the sink and looked at himself. He was a bit pale and his hair was disheveled but otherwise he was intact.

“Yeah of course. What are friends for?" Sam stood and nudged him with his shoulder and Danny moved out of the way so he could get to the door. But before he could get a hand on the knob he reached for Sam's arm and gently pulled him into a hug. Sam was slightly startled for a minute but quickly rebounded and hugged him back.

“I don't tell you this enough Sam. But I love you. A lot." Danny said quietly as he gently squeezed Sam's body against his own.

“Oh you big sap. I love you too. Now let me go. I have pizza and a brother to check on.” He giggled and pushed off of Danny's chest and turned back to the door and made his way out of the bathroom.

𓇢𓆸 After his shower Danny felt about ten times better and was ready to face whatever was waiting for him on the other side of the bathroom door. He slipped on a loose T-shirt and a pair of pajama pants and brushed his teeth. He realized that he was probably going to be eating pizza and defeating the purpose of brushing his teeth entirely. But he figured it was better than his mouth continually tasting like vomit.

He threw his old clothes back in his bag and cleaned up after himself before opening the door and stepping out into the hallway. He was hit with a wave of apprehension as he stepped carefully down the hall but as he rounded the corner he stumbled upon a sight he wasn't expecting.

The couch had been pulled out completely and turned into a bed that had threadbare sheets stretched over the somewhat thin coil mattress and a couple of thick comforters thrown on top. Pillows were piled up near the headboard and in the center of the mattress sat a shirtless Josh who was curiously looking up at the ceiling fan and observing the lightbulbs.

Sounds of shuffling from the kitchen identified the location of Sam and Jake. Danny carefully sat his bag down on the floor at the end of the sofa bed and sat on the edge with his back to Josh. The movement of the mattress got Josh's attention and soon came his voice in a quiet whisper;

“Hey…Hey Danny. Look at this.”

Danny turned slightly and looked over his shoulder at Josh, who had a wide, dopey grin on his face as he locked eyes with him. Josh then reached his hand up again towards the lightbulb. His fingers not even getting near the surface but his hand still being lit up all the same.

“It's like I'm ET or something" Josh giggled and wiggled his fingers around in the light.

“Right." Danny confirmed, slightly confused but assuming this had something to do with the trip.

As he watched his friend continue to play in the light, Jake and Sam entered the room carrying paper plates of pizza. Sam shoved one into Danny's hands and came to sit next to him. Jake handed another to Josh after shifting his attention from the light.

“Eat Josh. You need to. You also need to drink some water then you can go to bed okay?" Jake used that same voice on Josh that he had used on Danny before Danny succumbed to his weak stomach.

“I don't want to go to bed. It's not safe." Josh said simply, picking up a slice of pizza and taking a large bite out of it.

“Josh, it's perfectly safe, what are you talking about?" Jake pressed, eating despite his brother being cryptic.

“No. Not for Danny it isn't. But it will be. I'll fix it. Watch." Josh grabbed the piece of pizza he took a bite out of and set his plate down on the mattress. He quickly shifted up off the bed and took off towards the kitchen. Jake sighed and followed him grumpily.

“What's he doing?" Danny asked, picking up his own slice of pizza and taking a bite out of it.

“Who knows. Making it ‘safe’ whatever that means." Sam shrugged and dug into his food.

Minutes later Josh came back into the living room only to abruptly turn and head down the hallway with Jake hot on his heels. They couldn't see what he was doing but they could hear the doors opening and what sounded like windows shutting and locking into place. This carried on through each of the rooms before Josh was back in the living room, reaching over to secure the windows and double check the front door’s lock. He slid the deadbolt into place and even latched the door chain before turning back around with a smile and plopping himself back down on the sofa bed. He grabbed his second piece of pizza and began munching on it happily.

By this time Danny and Sam were done eating and Sam grabbed their plates to toss in the trash.

“So is it safe now?" Sam giggled as he bumped his shoulder against Jake's who was standing in the doorway to the kitchen now and looking very tired.

“I freaking hope so. He locked everything up like it's Fort Knox. Ridiculous." Jake grumbled. Sam laughed again and Danny gave a small smile.

“Okay I'm going to bed now. He should pass out soon if you want to try and wrangle him into his room.” Jake stated, snatching his discarded plate and Josh's empty one off the bed and tossing them before heading to his room.

Josh groaned and threw himself back on the pillows. " Nooo. I wanna stay here with Danny.” He whined.

Sam laughed out loud and put a hand on Danny's shoulder. " Are you okay with that? I can help you take him to his room if not. He’ll go I promise. He's just being an ass.”

"Am not. Someone has to make sure he's safe Samuel.” Josh said, the glare in his eyes evident on his face.

"Oh shut up will you? He's safe without you encroaching on his space.” Sam argued.

“It's fine Sam, honestly. I'm not worried about it. We're all just going to sleep okay?" Danny explained, turning the question towards Josh who nodded eagerly.

“Yes. Sleep. We're going to sleep. " Josh confirmed as he reached for one of the thick comforters and pulled it over himself.

“Alright, fine. But don't make me come out here. Because I will." He glared down at Josh and then let his hand drop from Danny's shoulder. He then turned and walked towards his room.

“Oh thank God they're finally gone. They were driving me crazy." Josh sighed before continuing. “Hey, turn that light off then come lay down. It's really late."

Danny nodded and stood up silently, clicking the light off and then coming around the opposite side of the bed. Josh fished a remote out from the sheets and clicked the old TV on and flipped the channel to some infomercials. Danny chuckled a little and sat down in the bed, a good distance from where Josh was reclining.

“Mindless TV helps me sleep. Besides, you never know when you might need some of this crap." Josh smiled and set the remote on the floor before snuggling down into his blanket. Danny watched him carefully, unsure of what to really do in this moment but realizing Josh was still wearing those khakis despite his shirtless status.

“Yeah.. Uhm. Do you want me to get you some pajamas or something?” Danny asked shyly. Trying to be casual about the situation.

"Oh! Right. Nah it's fine I'll just kick these off and sleep in my boxers. If… if uh..that's okay with you.” Josh was slowly morphing back into his baseline personality and some of the shyness was beginning to show through.

Danny looked over at Josh and saw the slight rosy twinge to his nose and cheeks, with his bottom lip tucked under his front teeth.

Danny realized a moment too late that he was staring and quickly cleared his throat and nodded before looking away. " Ye- Yeah. Yes. That's fine Josh. However you're comfortable.”

Josh released the hold on his lip and quickly brought his hands under the blanket and popped the button on his pants before sliding the zipper down and pushing them off his hips. He shimmied and kicked them the rest of the way off his legs and pushed them off the edge of the bed onto the floor.

“Better?" Danny asked, looking back over to Josh to see that he had rolled over onto his side, facing him with his head propped up on his arm.

“Much. Hey, you can move closer and lay down. I promise I won't bite.” He smirked a little at his own joke.

Danny said nothing in return but did as he said and moved closer to him and laid down on his back, looking up at the ceiling with his hands behind his head.

" Danny?” Josh asked quietly, almost so quiet Danny couldn't hear it.

" Yeah?” Danny responded, still looking up at the ceiling.

" Could I uh…. Can I cuddle you?" He asked, his voice wavering a bit.

“You want to?" Danny asked, a little taken back by the question but he couldn't ignore the way his heart rate sped up at the thought as he stole a quick glance at Josh.

“ Yeah. If you're okay with it. I just want to be close to you." Josh explained and Danny nodded.

“Yeah Josh. You can cuddle me." Danny agreed. Not sure exactly how the smaller man was going to accomplish this, but desiring the closeness as well.

“Turn over" Josh instructed as he scooted more towards the center of the bed.

Danny swallowed down the twinge of nerves and rolled over on his side, facing away from Josh, but then also moving more towards the center. He could feel Josh moving even closer until his body was pressed right up against Danny's back. The size difference was a little odd, but as Josh gently eased his arm around Danny's waist he found that he didn't much care how odd it might look to anyone else. Josh's hand turned over and came to rest gently against Danny's sternum. He gave a small squeeze before relaxing down into the pillows completely.

“Is this okay?" Josh asked as he settled. Danny released the breath he didn't know he'd been holding and nodded.

“Yeah." He said simply, finally allowing himself to take in the feeling of Josh's body pressed against his own. He could feel the heat of Josh's skin radiating through his pajamas. “You're so warm." He said quietly.

“Oh I'm sorry. Is it too much? I can-" Josh went to pull his hand away and move off of Danny but Danny's hand quickly shot up and held his hand in place against his chest firmly, tangling their fingers together.

“No. Don't go. It's nice. " He didn't mean for it to sound so desperate. But he didn't want Josh to move away from him. It's not like they'd never cuddled before in the years they'd been friends. But it had never been like this and Danny wanted to soak up every moment he could.

Josh didn't respond verbally, but he did resume his comfortable position beside Danny.

Danny did eventually close his eyes as Josh began humming the same song from before that he couldn't place. But now, in the quiet stillness of the night he recognized it. Three Little Birds. He smiled to himself and listened to Josh's pretty voice as he began to sing some of the lyrics before cutting himself off and whispering so quietly that Danny could barely hear it.

“You're safe Danny, I'm here. I made sure you're safe. I've got you."

𓇢𓆸

The sun was shining warmly through the windows above the sofa bed and casting yellowed light across the living room when Danny began to stir from his sleep. The first thing he could hear was the sound of some kids' tv show playing on the television. The small voice singing about being neighbors. The second thing he could hear once he came to a bit more was soft snoring from behind him. Which is also when the realization hit him that he was not alone. He did not go to sleep here last night by himself.

Josh.

His eyes popped open and he looked around somewhat startled and was ready to jump out of the bed completely. Then he took note of the arm still wrapped around him and the weight of Josh's head on his back and froze where he lay. He took a couple deep steadying breaths to calm the panic as the memories from last night came washing over him.

He kissed Josh.

Josh kissed him back.

Fuck.

Fuck fuckity fuck.

Okay calm down. Calm down Danny. He told himself in an attempt to not send himself into a spiral. But the change in the rhythm of his breathing must have alerted Josh to his consciousness because he felt him nuzzle against his back and his fingers flex against his stomach where his hand now lay, and the gentle snores ceased.

“Mmmm… Good morning.” Came Josh's gravely morning voice, which sounded more like Jake's normal speaking voice and did interesting things to Danny's brain.

“G-Good morning.” Danny stuttered out.

Josh rolled over onto his back and stretched his arms up above his head with a loud yawn.

“Did you sleep okay?" He asked.

Danny turned over and laid on his back as well, but turned his head to the side to look over Josh, who's hair was a tangled mess of curls and his cheeks were flush with the red twinge of a hangover.

"Yeah. Did you?” Danny replied.

Josh nodded in response, and then pulled himself up into a sitting position.

" Hey, uh.. Do you maybe want to get breakfast?” He asked, looking down at Danny, a somewhat shy expression on his face.

"Yeah of course. Do you want me to wake the others so we can go together?" Danny asked, also pulling himself up into a sitting position next to Josh.

“Oh. Uhm.. Nah. Let them sleep.” Josh tried to sound casual but Danny picked up on an underlying tone that made his stomach clench.

"Okay.” Danny nodded and watched as Josh got up from the bed and headed towards his own room, presumably to change clothes. Danny sat there for a moment trying to gather his senses and looked up at the television where the cartoon was still playing with a small animated tiger in a red jacket hopping across the screen happily.

After a moment of contemplation he got himself up off the bed and grabbed his bag before heading to the bathroom to change.

𓇢𓆸

After they'd both changed they climbed into Josh's small white car, Josh pulled out of the driveway and set off down the road. He didn't say where exactly they were headed. Actually he didn't say much at all. Which put Danny on edge even more than he already was since this was very abnormal for him. If he had to describe Josh’s overall demeanor he would say it was solemn. His expression was near blank, a stark contrast to the normally goofy smile he wore. Danny swallowed thickly and looked down at his hands.

The drive remained quiet until they pulled into what looked like some form of Mexican fast food restaurant. They pulled around through the drive through and came to a stop behind two other cars. Finally, Josh turned to Danny with a very soft smile.

“Do you trust me?" He asked.

“Yeah, absolutely." Danny replied, looking up to meet Josh's eyes for what felt like the first time in hours, but what in reality, had only been about twenty minutes.

“Alright. I'm gonna order you what Jake gets. I think you'll like it." He turned his face back to the front of the car and proceeded through the line. A few minutes later he was at the speaker box and ordered three black bean tacos, and three steak tacos with salsa on the side. Danny smiled to himself thinking about eating regular tacos for breakfast but when he looked at the clock on the dash he realized it was actually eleven in the morning. He also took this opportunity to observe the weather in more detail, and saw the fog outside swirling around the car as bits of sleet fell through the air. It was a chilly morning, saved only by the heat coming from the cabin of the car. Danny found himself wondering if they were going to drive back to the house to eat. But after Josh had paid, and pulled off onto the road, he found that they were traveling the opposite direction from where they'd come. He chose to stay silent and not question it. Somewhat glad for the quiet calm, even though he could sense the impending doom.

He silently contemplated the conversation that was bound to happen. Which way was this going to go? He didn't want to risk angering his anxious stomach again so he forced any negative thoughts from his mind and stared out the window while Josh drove.

It was about fifteen minutes later that he found Josh pulling into the gravel area of a park. There were a few covered wooden picnic tables, and a large playground, though there were no children in sight given the weather. Josh pulled into a spot and shifted the car into park. He sat still for a moment, quietly observing the park itself before grabbing the bag with the food inside and pulling out a taco for each of them.

“I'd say we could eat in the park. But it's a little chilly out and I don't really want to eat a cold taco." Josh giggled, handing a taco to Danny and a small cup of salsa.

“That's okay. This is fine. Nice actually. Peaceful. Do you come here a lot?" Danny asked as he opened his food and applied some of the salsa to it.

Josh shrugged and opened his own taco, copying Danny's actions before responding. “Yeah, sometimes. Most of the time I just come here when I need to catch a break, or if I just need to think."

“Oh." was all Danny could think to say. The energy in the car shifted and the nervousness was palpable as they both turned their attention towards eating.

They ate in silence until their first taco was gone and the wrapping was balled up and tossed back in the bag. After a few more moments of tense silence, Danny couldn't take it anymore. He needed to say something. Anything.

“Josh, I-"

“Danny-"

They spoke over each other accidentally and quickly shut their mouths to let the other speak. Silence filled the air again and Danny let out a frustrated sigh, looking down at his hands.

“Danny, did you know that the ancient Greeks recognized many different types of love? Eight really. But most people, if they do know about it, only know about three of them.” Josh said carefully. Danny could feel that Josh was looking at him, regarding his resigned stature.

Danny's eyebrows furrowed as he looked up from his hands and turned to meet Josh's eyes. Love? What is he trying to say? He thought to himself before blinking away the confusion on his face and responding. “No. I uh.. I didn't know that. What are they?”

Josh took a deep breath, letting it out slowly before continuing. " I won't bore you with all eight of them. But the main three are Eros, Agape, and… Philia.” He paused, looking for some sense of understanding from Danny.

“Okay…What do they mean?” Danny was following the conversation easily. But he wasn't really sure where exactly Josh was going with this.

"Well Eros, as you could probably guess if you know anything about the Greek gods, is romantic love. Sexual, intimate love. The kind most of us would associate with the word love.” he explained.

Danny nodded his understanding and encouraged him to continue.

“Agape, is true unconditional love. It's like the idea of the kind of love that a God might give to a person, and a person for a God. Does that make sense?”

"Yeah, I get it. And…the third one?" Danny swallowed thickly after he asked. He didn't know why but he was a little nervous about finding out what this one was because he had a feeling Josh saved it for last for a reason.

“Right, Philia. Philia is the love between friends, between equals.” He said it gently but the intent was there and Danny immediately picked up on what it was that Josh was subtly telling him.

“Oh. I see." Danny said in a choked voice, letting his gaze drop from Josh’s and return to his own hands as he twisted them against each other as the lump in his throat grew.

He willed himself to force back the tears that were stinging in his eyes. He swallowed hard and closed his eyes. Josh stayed quiet as he let Danny have a moment to let it sink in before barraging him with more words.

When Danny finally felt like he'd gotten a handle on his emotions he let out a small sigh and turned back to look at Josh who wore an expression of worry mixed with guilt.

“Danny, I'm sorry." Josh said, biting the skin on the inside of his lip.

“Sorry? For what?" Danny was a little stunned that he was apologizing to him.

“I- I just… I don't want you to think I don't like you, and I don't want you to think I wasn't in control of myself last night, and I really really don't want you to think that you have absolutely anything to feel bad about. But…” The floodgates had opened now and Josh's normal manner of speach had broken through the near formal way he had explained the types of love.

“But?" Danny asked, curious as to what Josh was going to say next.

" I… I can't." Josh faltered and looked dejected.

“Can't? Josh if this is about Sam… We talked and he-”

“It's not about Sam. Honestly I could not possibly care less about what Sam thinks. No Danny. This is about me. I can't be what you probably want me to be. Not right now." He explained.

" I don't understand.”

" Danny, I know you. You're a good guy. The best really. You're so sweet and so kind. The partners you've had.. they stuck. You're happy to commit to the one you love, and so am I. Usually. But.. god this is going to make me sound so fucking awful. But I have to just be honest.” He let out a sigh and waited for Danny to look up at him again. Which he did, and his watery expression made Josh falter.

“Okay. Go ahead. I'm listening."

“ I'm just getting started in college. In the fraternity. Hell, in life. I don't know exactly what it is I want right now. I can hardly decide what I want for breakfast most days… But what I do know, is that despite all of that, the last thing I ever want to do is hurt you. And I know it's kind of a moot point, being that what I'm doing now is already hurting you. Don't think I can't feel it.” Josh took another deep breath before continuing " But Danny, if I were to ignore all of that, throw caution to the wind, and jump into this with you with both feet… I can't promise I wouldn't fuck it up. I'm not old enough, or wise enough to give you what you really deserve from me. If I do this despite knowing that.. it would destroy everything. It would change everything. Our friendship, your friendship with Jake, with Sam? I can't do that to you. To them.” He was breathless and distressed when he finally finished and reached forward to take Danny's hand in his own. “Do you understand?"

Danny couldn't speak. He let his eyes drift back down to Josh's hand in his and just stared blankly at them. He couldn't quite process all the information that Josh had dumped in his lap. He knew he was glad for the honesty, and for how gentle Josh was being to try and spare him some of the emotional damage. But the sting of disappointment lingered and his heart hurt.

After a considerable length of silence, Danny finally cleared his throat. “I think I get it. I guess I just wonder why…” he let his voice trail off a bit as he continued to observe all the intricate details of Josh's hand.

" Why was I so receptive? Why did I kiss you back, flirt with you, cuddle you?”

Danny nodded and chanced a look up at him. He wore a sad smile as their eyes met and he opened his mouth to answer. “Well, I guess I should admit that it was selfish on my end. A bit of my self control and logical thinking went out the window. I knew where my heart and mind was, but I also knew my underlying feelings for you. And you just looked so good and it felt good to be with you. I guess I just let myself indulge a little in that fantasy of being with you without any real regard to your own feelings… and I'm sorry Danny. I am. Truly.”

Danny let the apology sink in along with the revelation that Josh just uncovered. He wasn't going to tell him that he didn't need to apologize and he wasn't going to say it was okay. Because he did feel slightly led on, and it seemed like Josh knew that, and it wasn't okay. So he sat there for a moment before he got the courage to remove his hand from Josh's grip. He wasn't angry. Honestly the torrent of mixed emotions was so overwhelming he didn't know exactly how he felt. But he wasn't mad. He let out a heavy breath and looked up into those normally sparkly eyes that were now rimmed with red.

“I understand, and I accept your apology. If you uhm.. if you don't have anything else you'd like to say to me. I think I would like to go home now." Danny swallowed back his tears again. Forcing himself to stay steady.

“Danny-"

“Please?"

Josh nodded and situated himself back in his seat, and put the car in reverse to back out of his spot and then drove back towards the road.

𓇢𓆸

The ride back to the house was dead silent and no words were shared between them as they arrived and got out of the car to head inside.

When they stepped into the house it was just as they'd left it this morning. Blankets strewn on the pull out bed, Josh's pants on the floor and children's cartoons on the TV. The only difference was that Jake and Sam were now sitting on the bed bickering back and forth about the TV and fighting over the remote. Though they abruptly stopped when Josh and Danny entered the room. Jake immediately eyed the brown paper bag in Danny's hands and shot up to investigate. “Ooh! Did you bring tacos?" He said excitedly as he made grabby hands for the bag.

“Yeah. There's a couple steak tacos in there just for you big boy." Danny weakly joked. Jake took the bag and scampered off to the kitchen. But when Sam caught sight of them the first thing he noticed was how pale his friend looked and how distant his eyes seemed. Then when he spoke he didn't miss the crack in Danny’s voice. His eyes then snapped to his brother who looked immensely guilty, with his red irritated eyes aimed at the floor, heavy shoulders and his hands tucked into the front pockets of his pants.

Sam shot to his feet and addressed his brother.

“What did you do?!" He accused loudly and angrily.

Danny didn't know it was possible for the already small man to shrink even more into himself, but that's precisely what Josh did under his younger brother's judgemental gaze.

Jake heard Sam’s raised voice, which was very uncharacteristic of him and came back into the living room, taco in hand and a confused expression on his face. He looked at Sam and then over to Josh and Danny, actually taking in their appearances this time. As the realization hit him all he could say was “Oh no."

“Sammy please. Could we not? I don't want to do this. Just leave him alone, okay?" Danny begged. Sure he was hurt and upset, but he respected Josh and his feelings enough that he knew he had a right to have them.

Sam was very obviously angry at his brother despite not knowing exactly what happened, and he wasn't just going to drop it that easily.

“Danny, either he tells me what happened or you do. Someone clue me in here because you both look like your grandma just died." Sam had that demanding tone in his voice still and it made Danny cringe.

“Fine. Sam, can I talk to you? Alone?” Danny could feel the frustration rising in his voice as he stepped forward and grabbed his friend's wrist before heading down the hall to Sam’s room and entering, slamming the door shut behind them. He dropped Sam's wrist and took a seat on the bed, his head dropping into his hands as he struggled to contain all the emotions currently wreaking havoc on his mind and body.

“Spill it." Said Sam, standing in front of him, arms crossed over his chest.

“God. Fuck Sam. Give me a second okay?" Danny tried to breathe deeply and slowly but he could feel his chest getting tight with panic. He brought his hands up over his chest and closed his eyes as he struggled to slow his breaths.

Sam caught on to his imminent panic attack and quickly came to his side and wrapped his arms around his friend and put his head on his shoulder as he to gently rock him.

“Hey, it's okay. I'm here, you're okay I promise. Breathe. Like this okay? In for four, hold for four and then out for four. Follow me.” Sam had dropped the anger from his voice completely and was now speaking so softly to him as he started coaching him through the breathing technique. Danny didn't know how many repetitions it took of the cycle before he felt calm enough to stop and the tightness in his chest alleviated. But it did and he finally looked up at Sam and met him eye to eye.

“He uh… Well I guess it's not that he doesn't feel the same exactly. He just explained that he loves me like a friend, as an equal. And that he's just getting started in life and doesn't think he could do our relationship justice if he was to jump into it with me. He thinks I deserve better than that.” Danny explained. Trying to summarize the entirety of their conversation without giving an exact play by play.

“Oh. I see." Sam said quietly, slowly releasing Danny from his hold as he gave him his best sympathetic expression. He paused for a beat before continuing. “He's right though. You do deserve better than that."

" You both say that, but I guess my head is still so wrapped up in trying to be his that I can't even fathom falling for someone new.” Danny sighed and looked off to the wall that was covered in old 70s style concert posters and Polaroids.

“I get that. So I guess this has been with you a while then?" He asked, trying to keep his tone level so he didn't stress Danny out more.

“You could say that, yeah." He confirmed as he continued to take in the messy room with the clothes strewn across the floor and the light from the lamp drenching the room in a warm glow.

“I'm sorry it ended this way Danny. I understand if this changes things for us and you don't really want to be around us anymore. I won't like it. But I get it. So will Jake." He could hear the lump in Sam's throat as he spoke and quickly turned his head to meet his eyes again.

“That's definitely not what I want. I love you guys. A lot. You're the best friends I have. Sure it might be a little difficult with Josh for a while. But it's not like I hate him now. It's just…complicated.” He explained and Sam's face lifted into a small smile as he took Danny's hand into his own and gave it a small squeeze.

"I'm so glad to hear that. I don't really know what I'd do without you. Things might be weird with Josh for a while but I'm sure if you guys want to keep your friendship despite this, you can. You can navigate this together.” Sam was trying his hardest to be optimistic but he knew that they were both going to need time.

“I think for now I just really need to go home.” He admitted, letting his eyes fall from Sam's to observe their hands together.

"Yeah I probably wouldn't want to stay another night after that either. Are you going to be okay? At least until you get home?”

"Yeah Sam. I think so. I'll call you if I pull over or anything but it's not really that long of a drive. It'll be okay. I'll text you when I get home okay?”

Sam nodded and gave his hand another gentle squeeze before letting go so Danny could stand up. He then also stood up and followed Danny as he let himself out of the room and went into the living room to grab his bag.

When he entered the room he noticed that Josh was gone and Jake was sitting on the sofa bed biting at his cuticles. When he noticed them enter the room he stood up and came over to Danny, silently wrapping him in a hug. Danny bit his bottom lip as he hugged Jake back for a few moments and then broke away. He looked into the man's eyes and could see through his attempt at hiding the sadness behind them.

“You're leaving?" He asked quietly, observing the bag slung over Danny's shoulder.

“Yeah. I.. I need to go home." Danny replied, swallowing thickly.

“I understand. I'm so sorry Danny. Really I-"

“Please Jake. Don't apologize. I'll be alright. We’ll all be alright. Just do me a favor?" He cut Jake off quickly, not wanting to hear any more apologies today.

“Yeah of course. Anything."

“Take care of him? Please?" Danny asked, a little desperation seeping into his words.

"Always." Jake promised him.

He gave him a small smile before heading out the door into the cold air of the afternoon, the two boys following behind him as he threw his bag in the back seat of the car. He gave them each a tight hug and then climbed into the driver's seat and turned on the engine.

Jake and Sam stood in front of the car as he went to shift gears and back out of the driveway slowly. He was about to pull out onto the street when he saw the door of the house swing open and Josh, clad in a pair of loose pajamas with a blanket over his shoulders, ran barefoot over to stand next to Jake. Danny pressed on the brakes and stilled the car at the end of the driveway as their eyes met.

They just stared at each other for a moment before Josh raised a blanketed hand and gave a small wave.

Danny returned the wave and didn't miss when Josh took that same blanketed hand and ran it over his eyes quickly. Danny's heart clenched a little, but he forced away the feeling and finished backing out of the driveway and pulled into the road and began to drive away.

𓇢𓆸

The drive was near silent as Danny made his way home. He didn't feel like listening to music, so the only sound that filled the cabin of the car came from the road itself. He let his mind unpack today and yesterday completely, but he maintained control of his emotions.

Once he got home he went directly to his room and threw the bag on the floor next to the door before tossing himself face down onto his pillow.

He took one singular successful deep breath before attempting another, only to be cut off by his own choked sob.

There, in the quiet stillness of his apartment he finally gave up on holding back his emotions and let his heart break completely.

𓇢𓆸

[eg515]

I want to tell you all a bit about what is currently happening in Hungary because once again the government chose Pride Month (which is in July here) to attack the lgbtq+ community. Three news from just the past week: queer books are wrapped in plastic in bookshops, a bench painted in rainbow colours started a war in Budapest, and a law about retirement was modified to specifically exclude trans women. I'm sure others posted about these, probably could put it better than me, but here it is in one place.

Books: two years ago the government passed a so-called "child protection" law, but it's most commonly reffered to as the anti-gay law. The law is supposed to protect children, but it bans all media depictions of anything that would "promote homosexuality" or different gender identities.

The law is hard to understand on purpose, to make it unclear what is against the law and what isn't, resulting in the censoring of everything even remotely not cishet in fear of accidentally breaking the law. One notable example of this is commercials on tv. All media "promoting" homosexuality or gender change has to have an age restriction on it, including commercials. But since it is unclear what this means, now all tv ads have a 12+ rating, on every channel.

Previously bookstores which sell lgbt themed books had to make this clear and separate these books, which resulted in many bookstores having signs on their doors saying they sell these books. Some bookstores were fined for failure to comply.

Last week people started noticing that in the biggest bookstore chain, Libri, certain books were wrapped in clear plastic. This all happened because of the anti-gay law. Books including lgbtq characters are now wrapped in plastic and cannot be sold at the YA section of the store, they are moved to the adult section, regardless of the topic. Multiple writers called this out on social media, finding their own books wrapped up and moved.

Once again, since the law in unclear, Libri is wrapping up random books, because there is no clear guideline what goes against the law and what doesn't.

From literally two hours ago: one of the biggest bookstore chains, Líra, was just fined for 12 million forints (approx. 35k dollars) for selling Heartstopper without the wrapping, in the YA section.

The Bench: last Thursday, Amnesty International, with the permission of the mayor of the district, painted a bench in Budapest rainbow colours.

This was supposed to symbolise love and acceptance, especially during Pride Month. Since then, the bench was painted 6 more times. First, two men belonging to the neonazi fanclub of the local football club painted the bench the club colours, green and white. Amnesty International filed a police report, and painted the bench back to the rainbow colours.

Then the bench was painted green and white by two football fans yet again, this time with the message "stop lmbtq". After this, someone painted it back to brown, and left a note saying "I just want to be a bench. Which is good for everyone. To you. To them. To us."

After this Amnesty International repainted it with the rainbow colours. Then just today, a right-wing party, Mi Hazánk painted it red-white-green, the national colours, and stated that they will offer protection to the football fans, they will do the sane painting to any rainbow coloured anything they find anywhere in the country, and if anyone paints over it, they will file a police report for damaging a national symbol.

update: just a few hours after the last painting, unknown people wrapped the bench in plastic, with the message "Lately LGBTQ+ content can only be in public in wrapping", referencing the plastic wrapped books

The transphobic retirement law: back in 2010, Fidesz, the current ruling party made a promise during its campaign, which since then became a law. Currently this "Nők40" (Women40) law allows women to retire after 40 years of work, including time spent raising a child, as a way to honour women.

In 2006 the EU ruled that transgender people are entitled to retirement according to the gender they are when retiring. In line with this, earlier this year a Hungarian court ruled in favour of a trans woman, allowing her to retire after 40 years of work, due to the Nök40 law. It is worth noting that she has legally changed her gender in all her offical papers in 2013, and only found out in 2021 that the pension payer still had her registered as a man, and due the transphobic Law 33 passed in 2020, the pension payer refused to correct her gender. The court later ruled in her favour though, and she can retire.

Now, a member of Fidesz argues that this ruling is "a gross provocation and a slap in the face of the legal system". She urged lawmakers to changed the law and make it clear what they mean by women, reminding everyone that Fidesz still maintains that there are only two biological genders.

This was yesterday. By today, a change in the law was prepared. The announcement said the law has been clear for everyone with common sense, but to avoid any "sensitized" judge using this legal loophole, they are now amending it so it stated the early retirement is for everyone who "worked as a woman for 40 years". They claim now nobody can just decide to suddenly want to be a woman for early retirement after working as a man for 39 years. Because obviously early retirement, in a country where it is impossible to make ends meet just on pension alone, is the main reason someone would "decide" to be trans. Obviously.

so, this is where we're at in Hungary, two days before the Budapest Pride Parade. another Pride Month, another attack on lgbtq rights. I don't really have a point with this, I don't want to guilt trip anyone. Just spreading the word, since we rarely read about non-usamerican news.

[hannahssimblr]

In 2005, when I was like eleven, I discovered the sims 2 website.

Back then, the game was set up for telling stories, and it seemed like everyone was doing it.

I read so many. I shouldn't have, because a lot of them had adult content that was totally inappropriate for me, but I was blown away by the creativity I saw. I didn't know how to put cc into my game or write my own stuff (I tried, unfortunately), but every single day I'd log on and comb through the catalogue of stories.

I enjoyed all of them because I was eleven and my tastes weren't super refined or whatever, but there were a very special few I was hooked on. I'd wait all week, (or month, or two, or three,) for an update, and be thrilled when one arrived. I'd sit down and savour every picture and word. I'd even think about the characters in my own time, when I wasn't reading, and just waiting. I was a kid, and knew I wouldn't be able to leave decent comments, so I always adored them silently.

Time went on and things changed. One by one, all of the stories I had loved stopped updating. Then the sims 2 website was removed. The stories that had their own websites eventually expired, too, and now it is hard to find evidence of it even existing. It's weird. It was so vibrant once, and now it's just not there.

Anyway.

My point is, I still think about those stories literally twenty years later. I still remember vividly the characters and the plotlines, and the excitement I felt when a new chapter was uploaded. To this day, I occasionally still trawl the Wayback Machine looking for scraps of evidence, screenshots, bits of text, or ways to read those stories again. I've found very little, and it makes me sad to think of all of it gone forever.

But! Now, I think about stories I've written in the years since, the work of my friends and my mutuals, too. About how you never know how it can impact a person and stick with them, even if they never leave a comment telling you as much. You might not even know they're there. You might not rate your work, think it's good enough, or feel it receives enough love or attention, but there could very well be someone there waiting for an update, savouring every part of it, thinking about it before they go to sleep at night, remembering all the details literal decades later like a favourite book.

I want to sound as non-cheesy as possible, but like!! Your work matters! Please keep making it! I promise somebody loves it and cares, and would be devastated if it disappeared, and they could never read it again.

[queenoftheworldisdead]

Need me

Chapter 3

Note: Prequel to Six Feet. Reader is female. No physical descriptors used. Let me know if i fucked up and not do that. Chat me up i don’t bite! Thank you

Summary: Stripper just wants to work to support herself, but her bad life choices come back to bite her in the ass.

Warning: Adult content only! 18+ only please. Dark! There is potentially triggering stories ahead.

Dark Mafia Bucky x Reader (stripper), Mafia AU ( mentions of past relations with Tony Stark)

👠

Tony POV

The sharp scent of stale booze and the faint trace of cheap perfume mingled in the air, wrapping around Tony like a hug. He took a slow sip of his whiskey, the burn just right on the way down as he sat and waited. It had been too long. Not because he’d wanted to stay away, but because the old ball and chain made it clear this place was off-limits.

He hadn’t realized how much he missed it—the soft neon lights, the topless girls on stage and on the floor, the heavy bass-line of whatever song was in rotation. Even the over priced watered down drinks, a reminder of the life he’d left behind to play the part of a good husband.

Today, though, was different.

Daisy missed her mommy. You said you’d only be gone a few days and promised to call, but nothing. Not a word.

You could be petty at times, even fiery—that’s one of the reasons Tony took a shine to you. But you never ignored Daisy, no matter how mad you got at him. Sure, you liked to make him linger on the line before replying, but never longer than a day.

Now? It’s been over a week.

The dancer on stage moves in rhythm, but the atmosphere feels off—stiff in a way that’s hard to ignore. The usual slouches occupy their spots around the room, but the men in suits? They’re new.

Tony glances at his watch, then sweeps the floor again. You were always either on stage or working the floor around this time. A flicker of jealousy crawls through him at the thought of you in VIP. That room held memories—of you and him, tangled in ways that made him stiff in the seat of his pants. You weren’t together, but in a way, you were still his. Forever tied to him through the child you shared.

“Um, sir?”

The waitress’s voice pulls him back as she reappears at his table. “Sorry, but… we don’t have a dancer by that stage name here.”

You were here he knows it. He saw your car in the lot. A smirk tugs at his lips. You’re playing games again. Fine. He’ll play along.

“Okay, uh, why don’t you send Bubbles my way? I’m looking for a little VIP action, if you catch my drift,” he teases. He knows you’d hate that—probably why he does it. The payoff was always worth it an angry fuck in the back of his sedan. The memory had him growing hard again.

His eyes follow the sway of the waitress hips as she disappears backstage. She wasn’t really his type, but that had never stopped him from sampling before. The table lights up, the subtle buzz of his phone rattling his half-empty glass. His expression sours as the name on the caller ID flashes across the screen—his wife.

With a sharp exhale, he flicks the call to voicemail. He’d deal with the fallout later. Right now, he had other things on his mind.

“Um sorry again, but Bubbles is with another client right now. Is there anyone else?” She says as she returns an edge of nervousness in her voice.

His voice lowers, the teasing edge gone, replaced with simmering frustration. “Go find Sweaty and tell her to stop playing games. Her daughter misses her. And tell her this—if she wants to lose full custody, she’d better get her ass out here now.”

“She isn’t here I swear.” She takes a deep breath a but of panic in her brow. “I asked a few of the few girls in the back and they don’t know where she is. She might be one of the girls that got let go a while back.”

The news hits him like a ton of bricks, settling into his gut like a stone. Now all the strange little things—the missed calls, the new guys in suits, the no-shows with Daisy—clicked together in a way that felt wrong.

A thought flashes to your last visit. You looked off—shaken, distracted—but he hadn’t pressed. He’d been too focused on satisfying his own needs to wonder why you seemed weird that day. Now, the memory gnaws at him, sharp and unforgiving, filling him with a dread he can’t shake.

👠

Reader POV

Your shoulder aches, a dull, persistent throb from hours of keeping the tray level as you weave through the haze of the club. Cigarette smoke clings to your skin, mingling with the faint tang of cheap cologne and spilled beer.

You didn’t make the cut for dancer—not the right type, whatever that supposed to mean—but you were decent enough to serve drinks. The uniform left little to the imagination, bits and pieces of you peeking out from one end or another.

The music hums faintly beneath the blare of televisions mounted on the walls, each tuned to dog races, horse tracks, or some sport. The patrons’ eyes flick between the screens and their drinks, sparing little attention for the dancers who move with a listless rhythm under neon lights.

The girls on the poles were just for show it seems a front for when the law came to sniff around you presume. The real action lay with the bookies.

A sharp whistle from the bar cuts through the noise, drawing your attention. Polly waves you over, her perfectly arched brow lifting in a way that tightens your chest. She doesn’t like you—doesn’t like half the girls here, if you’re being honest.

You cradle your tray and make your way over, bracing yourself for the whatever may come. Her gaze flicks over you and you try not to squirm under its weight.

“Are you skimming?”

The accusation hits like a slap. Your eyes widen, but you recover quickly, forcing your expression into something neutral. Drunk men don’t count, right? If they’re too far gone to notice an extra tip slipped onto their credit card bill. You highly doubted they’d dispute it.

“No,” you lie offering an innocent smile. Polly’s lip curls, a mixture of amusement and disdain.

“You’re a lying bitch.”

“Polly—”

“Don’t start.” She cuts you off, leaning in just enough to make her point clear. “You’re not as slick as you think you are. Keep your hands clean tonight, or this will be your last shift.”

The threat hangs between you, heavy and unmistakable. She doesn’t wait for a response, turning on her heel and leaving you standing there.

If you get fired, it’s fine. This wasn’t supposed to last more than a few days anyway, but the money was too good to pass up.

“Causing trouble, are we?”

The voice slides over you like silk. You turn slowly, already knowing who you’ll see. Tommy Shelby. His blue eyes pin you in place, sharp and unyielding, as he drags lazily from a cigarette.

“No, Mr. Shelby.” Your voice is smaller than you’d like, your gaze dropping unable to hold his.

“We’ve got some out-of-town guests coming, and we need everyone on their best behavior.”

Polly’s warning echoes in your mind. Does he knows you've been skimming tips too?

“Yes, sir. Mr. Shelby.”

He studies you for a moment longer, his eyes dragging over you in a way that makes your skin crawl, though not from disgust. Unease settles deep in your chest, coiling tightly. He takes one last drag from his cigarette before flicking it aside, his gaze flickering back to you.

“See that you don’t disappoint.”

👠

You weren’t sure how Polly had found out about your little tip scheme, but at least for tonight, you’d keep your hands to yourself. From time to time, you caught her watching you, and each time, you met her gaze with a bright smile. She’d forget eventually, you were sure. After all, you couldn’t be the only one skimming in a place like this.

You squeeze into the narrow space at the crowded bar, wedging between an old man nursing a whiskey and another still clad in neon construction gear, unmoved by your need for space. For a Tuesday night at a gentlemen club, it felt unusually crowded —but then again, Tommy’s comment about “out-of-town guests” might explain it.

Even the girls on stage looked more polished, like brand-new dolls. Their makeup and hair were done up more extravagantly than you’d seen since you started working here. The whole place felt different, like it was putting on a show. Maybe that’s just what happens when important people roll through.

“Hey, can I get some service?” you shout at one of the bartenders, frustration lacing your voice.

You raise an imaginary glass to your lips, mimicking a drinking motion to signal the bartender. But you’re too far away for either of them to notice. They turn to the next customer without so much as a glance in your direction, their backs to you like you don’t even exist.

“Seriously?” You mutter, your frustration barely audible over the nose of the club. A heavy sigh escapes as you drop your hand in defeat, fingers curling against the worn and damp surface of the bar-top.

You shift back, ready to slip away, but something halts you—solid and unyielding, pressing into your back. The bar-top digs into your ribs as the weight bears down, sharp and suffocating.

“Hey,” you bite out, heat flashing sharp under your skin as your jaw locks tight. “Do you mind?”

Your elbow jerks back, an instinctive attempt to carve out some space, but the resistance doesn’t budge. A curse slips from your lips as the pressure builds, the edge of the bar digging into you. Men were bold, but this felt different.

You twist your neck, muscles straining, fighting against the tightness as you try to face your assailant.

“Well, hello, Kitty.”

The voice cuts through the noise—low, familiar, and dripping with mockery.

You blink, dread sinking in as your mouth falls open. His eyes are bright, alive with excitement as they sweep over you, taking in every detail

“Cat got your tongue?” he teases, but the humor falls flat, lost in the growing tension. His arms cage you in, and the men beside you vanish. What could you say to him? What would he believe? If you were a betting woman, you'd wager nothing. Still, you try.

“Oh,” you say, dumbly, forcing false excitement. “Hey, honey, what are you doing all the way out here?”

You push a smile, eyes bright, puffing yourself up with the hope he’s as clueless as the men you danced for.

"You've been very bad," he informs you coolly. It’s confusing—you expected him to be angry, furious given the state you left him in. But the look in his eyes reminds you of every man you used to dance for, the ones who wanted to bend you over and prove to the world that you were just a stripping whore.

Your gaze flickers to the figures closing in behind him, and faint hope washes over you. Tommy, Arthur, and Johnny approach, but they're halted by the men clinging to Bucky’s side.

“Is there a problem here, gentlemen?” Tommy asks, his accent thicker than usual, his gaze shifting between you and Bucky.

“We’ve been looking for this one,” Steve replies, nodding toward you, his voice barely audible over the din of the club as Bucky’s stance tightens against the bar.

“I see,” Tommy says coolly, his voice smooth and unaffected, cutting through the noise. He doesn’t raise it, but it commands attention. “But here’s the thing.” He pauses, the weight of his words heavy enough to quiet the room. “…She’s under our employ. I can’t have you lot barging in here and doing as you please.”

Bucky finally speaks, sharp and dismissive. “Alright. What do you want for her?” He keeps his back to Tommy, gaze fixed on you. His eyes drill into you, daring you to react, though you refuse to flinch.

“I’m sure we can come to some understanding,” Tommy suggests, his tone cool and measured. The weight on your back lifts, and you straighten, stepping away from the bar. Turning, you face both men—each equally dangerous, each a mask of unreadable intent.

Tommy motions for you to step forward. Hesitation grips you as your eyes dart to Bucky, catching the faint smirk curling his lips—a silent promise of something unknown. The unease settles like a stone in your stomach, yet your legs move of their own accord, carrying you toward Tommy.

“Polly why don’t her for a smoke in the back while we discuss.”

You feel sick, queasy, your legs turning to jelly as you follow his command. Polly doesn’t help steady you instead, she marches off, fuming at the trouble you’ve caused. You should have run sooner. You shouldn’t have gotten greedy. But, as always, money has a way of landing you in trouble.

👠

Bucky POV

Bucky takes his seat across the table from Tommy Shelby, both men reserved in quiet contemplation. The dimly lit room, tucked behind the VIP section, feels worlds away from the hustle and bustle of the main floor. The faint hum of activity seeps through the walls, a distant reminder of the Shelby empire at work. Behind them, their men linger in the shadows—Shelbys outnumber the Commandos, but the Commandos remain steadfast, unfazed by the odds.

“Let’s cut to the chase,” Bucky begins, his voice gruff but steady. “We’ve got guns that need moving.”

Tommy listens in silence, his expression unreadable. The glow of his cigarette briefly illuminates his sharp features as he leans forward, flicking ash into the tray with deliberate ease.

“I’m not running a bloody courier service, Mr. Barnes,” he finally says, his tone cool and cutting. “You’d do better ringing up FedEx.”

Bucky’s jaw tightens, and his grin falters, replaced by a hint of aggravation. “Cut the crap, Shelby. You run the docks. Nothing goes in or out of this city without your say-so. We’re offering you good money and a few weapons for your trouble. Safe passage and storage—simple as that.”

Tommy leans back, still and unreadable, his sharp eyes fixed on Bucky. He lets the silence stretch, the tension in the room thickening with every passing second.

“That’s were you are wrong. We take on the majority of the risk. It’s our asses on the line.” Tommy finally says. “And for that we want more than just a few bucks and guns. We are in America we can spit and find a gun Mr. Barnes.”

“Well what do you want?”

“We want to open up a gambling hall in your town, protection on top of the guns and money you were already going to pay us.”

“You can’t be serious,” Steve blurts out, anger lancing his words. Bucky raises his hand, silencing his friend but the tension in the air is thicker now.

“Alright, Tommy, I hear you. You want a hall, you’ll get your hall. You run the games, manage the staff, keep the bookies in line—that’s all on you. But in my town, there are rules.”

He leaned forward slightly, resting his forearms on the table.

“Protection? You got it. Nobody touches your operation, not without going through me. But the loan sharking? That stays under my control. My guys’ll handle the credit, collections, all of it. Anyone borrows in my territory, they answer to me.”

His gaze locked on Tommy, sharp as a blade.

“We’ll keep it clean—your hall brings in the gamblers, my crew takes care of the debts. No stepping on toes, no mixed signals. You don’t touch the loans, and I don’t meddle with your bookies. Everyone eats. You good with that?”

He let the words hang, the challenge implicit in his tone. This was a deal, not a negotiation.

“That works for us.” Tommy says as he takes another drag. “But what about your girl? She isn’t part of this. What will you give me for her?”

Tommy’s eyes catch the subtle tick in Bucky’s jaw—he’s hit a nerve again. A smirk threatens to tug at his lips, but he reigns it in, keeping his composure.

“She’s not that special let’s not get crazy.” Bucky lies. It wasn’t a complete lie. You stole, his wallet, stole his car and he was pretty sure he had a concussion, but he needed you, in more was than he cared to admit to anyone even Steve. “She stole from me and ran off. I can’t have that.”

“Well if that is the case. We will hand her over once our dealings are done.” Tommy says. “Free of charge. I’m sure your reprisals can wait until our dealings are settled.”

👠

[lostaroace]

Unseen | Dr. John Carter x Reader (Ch. 5)

Series Masterlist

Chapter Four -- Chapter Six

Pairing: John Carter x Fem!Reader

Chapter summary: Reader and Carter are back in Chicago. They reunite.

Content warning: scars, angst, awful people.

Word count: 2450

Unseen | Chapter Five

The cold and humid Seattle air caressed her face almost tenderly. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes allowing the coldness to pierce her skin to the bone. She might've been overdramatic about the whole situation, but the idea of being out of the institute for good gave her a new appreciation for her surroundings.

After her painful relapse due to Carter's call, she worked hard on her mental health, committing to not leaving until she was better deep into her core. And now she was. Of course, staying there implied that she had to say her goodbyes to her friends as they left, one by one. Richie was the first one to go, promising to be in touch. Stanley left soon after him and apparently, they'd been living together since. Andrew refused to abandon the institute until she was leaving herself because his protective instincts overpowered his reason; in the end, Doctor Loomis forced Andrew's release a week before hers, and he allowed it.

A soft pull on her windbreak made her open the eyes she didn't know she'd closed. Tess Ross was looking at her with her cheeks flushed and a big smile with a tooth gap.

"Aunty, Mommy says that you have to come inside now."

The bossy child grabbed her hand and pulled before she could complain. Ross and Carol had been kind enough to provide her with a place to stay after she came out of the institute and before she decided what to do with her life. That morning, Ross had picked her up from the institute and vaguely implied that a secret party was being prepared which is why she did not make a big fuss when Carol offered her to enjoy herself in their backyard for a few minutes.

What she did not expect, however, was finding Andrew, Stanley, and Richie waiting for her next to Ross, Carol, and Kate. Luka was there as well!! Tess, with her charming smile, pushed her slightly in her lower back when she found herself stuck in place. Smiling broadly, with a terrifying feeling of happiness burning in her chest, she enjoyed her party with her friends.

"You know, Doctor Rodriguez talked the other day about needing personnel in the ER area of the hospital. You know, if you're interested," Ross said in a failed nonchalant tone in the middle of dinner. Carol rolled her eyes in front of him.

"I suppose you put a good word on my behalf?"

Ross snorted, "There was no need, kid. Your curriculum has always been spotless. Yes, you have a big gap on it at the moment, but… You know, with the circumstances…"

The poor man looked at his now wife pleading for aid.

"What do you want to do?" Carol wondered plainly.

"I– I really want to go back to the County General," she confessed staring at her food.

The silence was so gloomy that even the twins stopped their banter in the background glancing at the adults.

"Um…" Luka cleared his throat. "If you don't mind me asking, why?"

"I know it may sound silly but… It's my home. That hospital taught me. It reminds me of all the things I learned with you," she looked at Ross earnestly, "with Mark. I– I truly miss Mark Greene and feel he mentored me to be there, especially in his last months. You both know how important the ER was for him, and how much he enjoyed it. I like it and enjoy it just as much. Of course, I know that there are plenty of ERs in other hospitals, but…"

Sighing, she ran a hand over her face noticing the scarred tissue crossing her skin. "I also believe that it can be good for me. I can't avoid Chicago forever. I can't– I won't be afraid of my hometown just because a psycho played Edward Scissorhands with my body."

"I'm coming with you," Andrew stated.

"There's no need for–"

"He was going with you no matter where you went, sweetcheeks" Richie smiled at you. "You know him well enough to know that. Andrew has adopted us, deal with it."

"Does that mean that you two are coming to Chicago as well?" she asked with skepticism.

Stanley snorted, "We've already rented a place there. Andrew here has negotiated to rent the apartment next to us."

"We'll be neighbors!" Richie cheered.

"It's better to share an apartment. Cheaper."

Having the support of her friends and the companionship of Andrew was settling, to be honest. A part of her thought that having them around in Chicago sounded too much like having a bunch of babysitters, although another part of her understood that the security blanket their friendship had built around them was needed. The world was wider than the institute, ruder and hurtful.

"I guess that's settled, then," Ross smiled proudly, nudging her knee with his own under the table.

She was going home.

*

If there was one thing John Carter was not expecting when he left Chicago for Paris in a desperate move to save his marriage, it was coming back to the County General to work for free while waiting for a kidney donor. Mind you, he never thought he would end up in that position so young, but life and the circumstances… well…

As he parked his black Jeep in front of the emergency entry he felt his bile creep up his throat. Luka, who had kept in touch with him despite the call he made to the mental institution Y/N was in, had warned him about her presence in the hospital. Since that fatidic call, Luka never mentioned Y/N's name in front of John, but when Carter explained his situation and that he was coming back to Chicago, Luka had no way out.

He had no idea if she was working at the moment if Luka had warned her and she had taken some vacations, if she was going to pretend he didn't exist, if she– The possible scenarios ran through his mind as he pushed himself out of the car.

However, he promptly found out that there was another thing he was not expecting when reaching the hospital. Nobody knew him. There was no trace of his old coworkers anywhere. Doctor Morris was the only one he vaguely recognized from the board, and when people heard his name, there was this awkward silence. Of course, they remembered the gossip about Ross and Carol Hathaway. Always the gossip.

Taking another look at the board he did not find her name there and his stomach settled.

The whole business with Banfield about getting some short privileges wasn't so bad. Sure, it took some time to have her alone to fully explain and she looked stern, but in the end, it worked out. Sam was kind enough to tell John about how Y/N had warned Banfield about him probably wanting to work there to keep his skills and even recommended to her that he was a great addition to the staff. That shocked Carter. Of all the scenarios he had portrayed in his mind, that was not one of them.

That night, after having visited the Carter Center and the place where he and Kim spread Joshua's ashes, John stared into nothingness while having his dialysis. The rhythmic sound of the machine drilled his mind. He'd been walking on eggshells with everyone who asked about Kim because they weren't great. After he'd come after her to France, their sorrow got swallowed in silence. They went back to Africa, to work, to be useful. It had been his last resort to save his sanity and his marriage because both of them focused on their work so much that… Well, it sounds awful but their marriage improved as long as the time they spent with each other was shortened.

Now, alone and scared, John felt lost.

*

A week. Y/N managed to avoid Carter for a whole week before their shifts matched almost by accident. Morris had to take care of an issue that forced him to change his shift with Carter. As Y/N was filling up a form next to Frank at the admissions desk, Carter came out of the lounge. She saw his form in her peripheral vision but pretended not to notice. Her skin broke into goosebumps due to the anxiety facing John Carter provoked in her. Finishing the paperwork, she closed the history putting her pen in the chest pocket of her white coat. As she got into a fully standing position with her head up and face visible, Carter stopped in his tracks.

He had imagined the damage to her skin several times before, but he never expected that much. One thing was to picture a tragedy in his mind, and the other was to actually see it. His heart stopped for a moment, breaking into a million pieces.

Then she smiled at him, and it broke again.

It wasn't her usually friendly and loving smile. No. This smile was shy, socially acceptable, and fake.

"Long time no see. I've heard you've been a pain in the ass for this last week, Carter."

Her voice, after all this time, warmed his soul with nostalgia. She sounded artificial, though. Knowing that his body language made her uncomfortable about her scars and probably reminded her about her torture, John closed the distance as he was supposed to and acted as if there weren't scars crossing her face and neck.

"What can I say? It gets annoying to be corrected over and over as if I have no idea what I'm doing."

She snorted, "Yeah, sure. What happens is that you were the golden boy of the ER and now you're rusty. Have you been practicing medicine in Africa? Of course. However, you might agree that the resources and techniques there weren't as advanced as ours then, and while it's been kind of stuck there, here's been improving and changing."

"Still. When I know a procedure can save a life, I don't want to be looked at as if I was a med student again. Especially by people who's less experienced than me."

"Oh, Carter. This is a humbling experience for you. Embrace it."

"We have a multiple-car accident," Sam stated after answering the radio station.

"Are you still rusty, pretty boy?" She gave him her mischievous grin.

She'd been afraid of panicking in front of Carter, of not being able to do her job properly, but in the end, all those concerns proved to be misplaced. Carter and Y/N dived into their usual routine while treating a patient hand-to-hand. Aware of how useless John felt when being corrected and questioned, she did it in the most caring way. Their tandem performed fantastically, to the point of barely needing to exchange a word before doing a procedure in unison. It felt like riding a bike, something one can never forget, no matter how much you push it aside.

Their friendship, although damaged and rusty, was still strong. Even if it had been better for Y/N to just move on ignoring everything related to John Carter.

As the day went by, their personal chat was trivial and mundane focused mostly on how things had changed in the hospital and so on.

With the end of the shift quite close, she grabbed the next history from the admissions desk where Jerry and Frank were arguing again. She went to the bed the patient was in and gave her a polite smile introducing herself. The patient was a middle-aged woman with a fancy dress and fake pearls who pursed her lips the moment she saw Y/N.

"Is this some kind of joke?" the patient exclaimed while you were still assessing the symptoms listed on the history.

"I beg your pardon?"

"I want a doctor. I'm ill and I want to be seen by a proper doctor, not some Freddy Krueger victim."

"I am a real doctor, ma'am. I'm an attending."

"I won't be treated by a freak show like you."

Carter, who was seeing the scene from the admission desk, stopped Sam from intervening. He would've loved to step in and insult the lady just as she rudely was doing with Y/N, but he was well aware of how self-sufficient Y/N was. Stepping in would've only made things worse, so he waited, looking from the sidelines for a hint of anxiety or discomfort that would break Y/N.

None showed up.

"Well, ma'am. I'm the only doctor available, and if you refuse treatment from me I'm going to have to ask you to go to the waiting room until a more suitable doctor is free for you."

"That's not fair! It's my turn!"

"And you refused treatment."

"I might be dying."

"You're not. Please, go to the waiting room."

"This is outrageous. I–"

Y/N turned around ignoring her while Chunny and Haleh accompanied the patient to the waiting room again. According to the chart, the patient did not have anything life-threatening. Y/N was positive that the woman could be treated with some painkillers, so she hid the history under a bunch of paperwork at the admissions desk. She would be treated by another doctor, but after she'd waited her fair share.

John stopped her before she was able to go to her next patient.

"Are you alright?"

"Um… Yeah. I mean, it happens more often than you think," she caressed her scars absently. "Contrary to popular belief, children are the most respectful and nice ones about my scars. It makes me wonder what the fuck happens for a child to become such a middle-aged nightmare."

"Let me know if you need anything."

"I'm fine, Carter."

She didn't lie. She was, in fact, fine. However, the definition of what 'fine' meant had changed for her lowering the bar so much that it was difficult not to be fine.

When her shift was ending, she finally rescued the lady's chart from under the desk before going to the lounge to change. Carter entered a few minutes after her.

"It was nice working with you again. I… Um… I know that things are tense between us, but I was wondering if, maybe, we could grab a coffee someday. To catch up. I want to know how you've been."

John's shy and nervous voice twisted her stomach. Closing her locker, she turned to face her coworker. "I don't drink coffee anymore." She waited for Carter's expression to crumble in defeat before saying anything else. "It doesn't mix well with my meds. I'm free now. If you want."

"Yes!"

To be continued… 

[theluzxacero]

[cis woman and she/her] Welcome to Aurora Bay, [LUISA "LUZ" ACERO]! I couldn’t help but notice you look an awful lot like [ANA DE ARMAS]. You must be the [THIRTY-THREE] year old [ONLINE MODEL/INFLUENCER]. Word is you’re [FLIRTY] but can also be a bit [RECKLESS] and your favorite song is [IGUAL QUE UN ÁNGEL BY KALI UCHIS]. I also heard you’ll be staying in [CRYSTAL COVE CONDOS]

@aurorabayaesthetic

tw: underage sex, tw: (past) prostitution

Luisa had no illusions about her life. Born in a small home in Santa Clara, her father was a cook and her mother was a maid both at the same swanky hotel for tourists, both hardworking and trying their best, trying to make something of themselves as best they could. Luz realized at a young age though that, no matter how hard they worked, it never really mattered. Nothing they owned was really theirs. Sure they had a place to live, had food, had possessions, but…at the end of the day, all that could be taken away by the snap of fingers if the hotel owner (or some snooty guest) wanted to cause problems. They lived their life tiptoeing by.

Luz wanted more than that for herself. She wanted more than cooking and cleaning and being at someone else's beck and call. So when she found ways to do that...she jumped at it, morals be damned.

Luisa was barely seventeen the first time she not only slept with someone, but was paid for it too thanks to the son of a wealthy hotel guest having eyes on her. Her virginity for enough money to buy extra food for them for a week? Easy deal. And then she kept at it, covertly sleeping with men (and women on occasion) in exchange for food and money. She soon caught the attention of higher up hotel guests too, and while they could use her as they wanted for a pretty penny, she started coercing them into giving her more. Eventually, along with food and money, she could sometimes get gifts. Clothes and jewelry, makeup. Anything she could want until she was old enough to have an actual job in the hotel. She doubled down on her beliefs then. She didn’t want to be a maid. Or a waitress. Or anything like that. She was good at sleeping with people…good at being a good time. So she ran with it, all covertly under her parents' nose.

For years it went on like that, with Luz earning enough money from her clientele that she not only got her parents a better place to live, but she got them out of their jobs altogether. And when she was twenty-five, she earned a best gift of all: a way off the island. The US had always been the dream after all, a goal that never quite seemed attainable--until now.

Her mother had a cousin, Arianna Aargon, in Miami that took them in once they arrived, staying there for a few months until the Acero family could get their own home (with Luz easily picking up her business once more), and with her parents squared away, Luz decided to do life on her own now, heading north to New York--she'd had a few past hotel guests always inviting her to the city after all, promising her more money and jewels if she ever took them up on it.

And for years, Luz did just that, happily hanging off the arm of some well-off man, wearing pretty dresses and expensive jewels in exchange for, well, not a whole lot of effort on her part. And not only that, all those parties she attended and guests she mingled with got her influencer deals, her face popping up for ads all Manhattan (and Miami, and all over social media) for jewels and haircare and clothes.

And maybe some advertisements for more adult content items as well.

Last year, Luisa decided a change of scenery was in order and headed off to the west coast, an old client telling her she'd have fun in LA- which she definitely did, doing the same song and dance of being some random wealthy man's date to random events and easily lining her pockets with more money than she even knew what to do with. And it was fun, sure, but she admittedly missed the beach life of Miami, and she missed the smaller town vibe of her home, so she again packed up and then went a bit south, deciding to settle into Aurora Bay. And while she still has some clients from her past trying to reconnect, Luz has found an equally-fun way of getting cash quick in ways of being a cam girl. Her Onlyfans is not only premium content, but an easy way to connect with clients old and new--all from the comforts of her bedroom.

And sure Luz would one day like to actually have someone want her for her and not just her body, she'd like to maybe even one day get a real job, but until then, she could at least make sure she was financially secured so she'd never, ever, have to struggle in the ways her parents did.

extras:

birthday - february 20, 1992

moved from cuba to miami in 2017. lived there until 2020

lived in new york from 2020 until 2024

lived in LA for most of 2024, moved to Aurora Bay November 2024

height - 5'6

fluent in english and spanish

family: caridad acero (mother), augustín acero (father)

pinterest board

current connections:

Castillo Aargon - mother's cousin, considered her uncle ( @castillo-aargon )

Basilio Aargon - cousin ( @basaaragon )

Celine Aargon - cousin / roommate ( @celineaargon )

Buddy Wells - OF collaborator ( @buddywellls )

wanted connections:

OF subscribers / collaborators

friends

exes

[hyunbunlix]

Ceasefire [hitman!Felix]

Characters: Felix, older fem!OC, Hyunjin (mentioned), Jeongin (mentioned) Rating: A/O for Adults Only Content Warnings/Tags: preexisting polyamory with HyunIn, enemies to lovers, narcotics for pain management, sex while under the influence of narcotics (m), submissive Felix, establishment of safe word, bondage (restrained hands and arms), cunt eating, unprotected penetration, consensual non-consent, raw male orgasm, crying during sex (m), thorough aftercare Word Count: 5,808 Summary: Tired of fighting, Felix follows through on his promise to lay down arms for good. It wasn't his intention to get quite this vulnerable, though... Note: This is part of a larger John Wick AU, which can be found here.

Felix spent three long days at the New York Continental Hotel in a painkiller haze. He did little more than eat, sleep, and bathe, which was fine with him. The narcotics even ensured he didn’t dream, which was great for his already heavy conscience. It had been a long time since he’d well and truly rested.

            When a knock came at his door on the third day, he hauled himself out of bed, feeling slightly disconnected from his body. The only reason he felt confident in knowing this wasn’t a dream was due to their general absence while he was medicated.

            It became a little harder to trust that, though, when he saw Blackbox in his doorway. Thus far, Hyun Jin had been playing errand boy between them; she’d never come to see Felix personally.

            “Hitting them a little hard, wouldn’t you say?” she asked, taking in his rumpled appearance as Felix shoved his blond curtain bangs back out of his face. Felix was grateful she spoke in English; he wasn’t sure how well his secondary and tertiary languages would fire right then.

            “Just taking the edge off,” he said, his voice a little rough from sleep. His thoughts were ping-ponging between English and Korean, and he was grateful Blackbox was fluent in both in case he couldn’t come up with the right word in one or the other. “Don’t worry, if I was going to get hooked on a substance it would have happened a long time ago.”

            “May I come in?” she said. He nodded, moving aside.

            “How are you feeling?” she asked, taking a seat on the sofa. Felix shrugged and chose to remain standing.

            “I’ve been worse,” he said. “I’m bored, but at least I’m not in agony anymore. I’m grateful for that.”

            He couldn’t quite bring himself to thank her directly, but the slight softening in her gaze said she took it that way.

            “Well, you’re in luck then, because I’ve come to take you away from purgatory for a bit,” she said. “If you’re feeling up for it, that is.”

            “I can barely feel a thing right now, so I can probably handle it,” he said. “Where are we going?”

            “The aquarium,” she said. He stared at her, sure he’d misheard.

            “The . . . aquarium?” he repeated.

            “Mmhmm. It’s about an hour away by train, but I think you’ll like it. I always have,” she said.

            Felix blamed the narcotics entirely for his lack of filter when he asked, “Is this a date?”

            She laughed. “Please. You haven’t earned that privilege. No, think of this like an interview.”

            “Fair enough,” Felix sighed. “Give me a minute, will you?”

            She leaned back on the hotel sofa, looking more at home in the room than he’d felt all week. “Take all the time you need.”

            As Felix went to brush his teeth, tidy his hair, and change his clothes, he wondered if the reason she had given him the narcotics in the first place was to impair his judgment and make him less dangerous. He didn’t know how to tell her that he didn’t have any fight left in him. She was a smart woman; he supposed she would simply figure it out.

There was no reason for her to take Felix to the aquarium. No reason except she was going to have to talk to him eventually, and she really wanted to go to the aquarium. 

            The facility was enormous. There was an entire outdoor section that was half garden, half wildlife sanctuary; the aquarium building itself had two floors and exhibits of ridiculous sizes and scales. 

            The first thing she hauled him to was the petting tank, where smaller sharks and rays swam in an oval-shaped pool for visitors to gently touch.

            “Two fingers,” she said, before reaching down to stroke along the back of a passing shark. After pausing to remove the rings from his right hand, one of which she recognized as hers, Felix reached into the pool as well.

            “They’re so smooth,” Felix muttered, his voice even and pleasant. It was peculiar to see him in a situation where he passed for a regular person.

            “Right? At least, they are when you follow the rules and pet from front to back,” she said, feeling pretty pleasant herself. “I remember being so surprised when I first did this as a kid.”

            Felix hummed in acknowledgment, touching a ray next. A smile turned the corners of his lips up. She cursed herself for thinking he was pretty. This man had tried to kill her twice. He didn’t get to be pretty. Then again, he had also written his surrender in his own blood, so maybe he was allowed to be a little pretty.

            After they’d gotten their fill and washed their hands, they continued through the aquarium, peering at horseshoe crabs, eels, jellies. Finally, they passed through a few exhibits that grew progressively dimmer and eventually came to the ocean realm theater.

            The ocean realm theater was exactly what it sounded like, where instead of a movie screen the tiered seating looked onto a massive pane of glass the size of one. It was just one window into the largest tank in the entire aquarium, holding over seven hundred thousand gallons of water.

            “Holy shit,” Felix muttered as they descended the steps to get closer. “How did this not terrify you when you were little?”

            She laughed quietly. “Who says it didn’t? I had at least a couple vivid nightmares about the glass breaking and drowning before a shark could even get to me.”

            “Gruesome,” he said, shifting his weight uncomfortably.

            “Are you feeling okay?” she asked him. “Do you need to sit for a while?”

            “That would be nice,” he answered, and they moved back to find a seat while she checked her phone. 

            “Looks like one of the presentations will be starting in a little bit. We can stay for that, and you can use the time to rest,” she said, glancing at him. Even in the dim lighting, she caught the peculiar look he was giving her.

            “You should want to see me suffer,” he said, averting his eyes.

            “I have seen you suffer,” she said quietly. “I didn’t enjoy it.”

            His gaze shifted back up to meet hers, and his remorse settled in her chest like a physical weight. He’d almost killed her, and she’d grievously wounded him in return. She wouldn’t apologize for it, but she hadn’t liked it, either. His eyes dipped to the floor before he turned his attention back to the tank. A hammerhead shark swam leisurely by.

            “I can see why Hyun Jin likes you,” he said softly. “He’s always been attracted to kindness, as though by being near it he might make up for what he lacks. He’s had trouble in the past differentiating between ‘nice’ and ‘kind,’ though. I think he finally got it right with you.”

            “I’m not that kind,” she deferred.

            “Maybe not,” Felix said, “but you’re fair, and that feels like the same thing in this fucked up world of ours.”

            She said nothing to that because there wasn’t anything to say. They let several minutes of silence tick past.

            Finally, Felix broke it, his voice softer still, like he wasn’t sure he wanted her to hear. “I feel like you’re going to forgive me before I deserve it.”

            She watched his side profile carefully. He gave nothing away, but he wouldn’t look at her. He sounded bone tired, his normally squared shoulders caving a little.

            “I’ll try not to,” she said. He bowed his head a little at that. Mercifully, the presenter arrived then and started talking about sharks and sea turtles.

After they finished touring the aquarium, they went back to the Continental, where she offered to treat Felix to dinner.

            “You said earlier this wasn’t a date, right?” Felix asked after they had put their orders in. “Or did I hallucinate that?”

            “As much as I want to say you hallucinated it simply to fuck with your perception of reality, I’m not feeling particularly cruel today. It’s not a date. But it has been a nice day, and I do feel a little bad about leaving you cooped up in here,” she said.

            “I think boredom is the least of the punishments you deserve to give me,” he said.

            “You’ve already given me your entire databank and a Marker representing your blood oath to me. I’m not sure there’s much more I could do to punish you short of death or mutilation,” she said.

            “Are you feeling terribly macabre today?” he asked in an even tone like they were talking about something trivial, like internet service providers.

            “Not really,” she said just as flippantly.

            “Then I live to die another day,” he said, sipping water through a straw. He knew better than to mix alcohol and narcotics. He did not know better than to push the limits of this tentative alliance.

            “There’s something else that’s been bothering me,” he said after letting the quiet linger for a minute. She looked at him, inquisitive. “The night of the extraction operation, you sucked me off. But I still haven’t returned the favor, and I actually feel really bad about it.”

            She laughed, bewildered. “You guys always have that one thing, don’t you?”

            Felix stared at her, deeply confused. “What do you mean?”

            “Like Hwang’s thing with cheaters. He literally kills people for a living, but he draws the line at infidelity. Then there’s you, who tried to kill me not once but twice, and the thing you feel bad about is being perceived as a selfish lover? It’s madness,” she said.

            “To be fair,” Felix said, sobering a little more, “I also feel bad about trying to kill you. Hence the blood oath.”

            She watched him closely, probably looking for any sign of deceit. She wouldn’t find any.

            “You know I don’t need anything of the sort from you, right? I have two perfectly functional men at home that give great head,” she said.

            “Of course I know that. I wouldn’t delude myself into thinking you need anything from me, sexual or otherwise. I just wanted you to know that should you want to even the score, I’m willing,” he said. Her gaze was steel.

            “You must realize how suspicious that sounds. The last time you tried to kill me we were literally in bed together. Why would I trust you enough to be vulnerable in front of you ever again?” she demanded.

            “Don’t trust me, then,” he said, the easiest answer in the world. “Just cuff me or something.”

            He could have sat there and feigned nonchalance, but they both knew he’d had nothing but too much time to think about things over the last several days.

            Something in her eyes sharpened, darkened, giving away her interest as she leaned back in her seat. “I’ll think about it,” she said. She then promptly took out her phone and typed for a minute. Probably fielding opinions from Hyun Jin and I.N. Felix didn’t have a full grasp on their exact relationship dynamic, but it made sense to him that they would have full veto power, especially in a situation like this.

            Their food came, and Felix focused on that, giving her the mental time and space she deserved.

            “If we’re going to be working together for the foreseeable future,” she said eventually, changing the subject, “then we’re going to have to figure out somewhere to put you up other than here.”

            “I can talk to Hyun Jin,” Felix said. “He’s probably looking into getting a place around here so he can be closer to you while on this side of the world. Maybe he and I could be roommates again.”

            “You two used to live together?” she asked, incredulous. Felix supposed that made sense; when she’d first come into contact with them they’d already been feuding.

            “Yeah,” Felix said. “We used to do a lot of things together.”

            She hummed in acknowledgment but didn’t pry. Felix appreciated it.

When Felix unlocked the door to his suite and let Blackbox inside, he honestly couldn’t believe it was happening. He closed the door, bolted it, and watched her stride to the bed like this was her room and he was the visitor.

            “Do you even have cuffs?” she asked skeptically, perching on the bed and crossing her legs at the knee.

            “Not with me,” he said. “I packed light and that was the last thing I thought I was going to need.”

            “Oh well,” she said. “We’ll just have to make do.”

            “Do you know how to do cuffs with a belt?” he asked her. She snorted.

            “Of course I do.”

            He unbuckled his belt, crossing the room while pulling it through the loops. He handed it to her, and she looked him up and down for a moment before taking it.

            “What’s your safe word?” she asked.

            “Ryzen,” he said. She laughed out loud.

            “Are you fucking serious?”

            “Yeah,” he said, his lips pulling into a grin. “Nothing is more deeply unsexy than mentioning computer parts mid-fuck. It’s literally guaranteed to make it all stop.”

            “How often does it make people want to not fuck you in the first place?” she teased, twisting his belt in her hands, forming double-loop cuffs like she’d done it a hundred times before. She had the air of an experienced domme, and she clearly had a lot of sex, so Felix wouldn’t have been surprised if that was the case.

            “Most people don’t recognize the name. More people know about the Intel processor line, but not as many are familiar with AMD. Now, if my safe word was Pentium I’d probably get a much stronger reaction. I’m kind of surprised you knew the Ryzen series right off,” he said.

            “I know everything. It’s my job,” she said, trying to suppress her grin. “Now stop talking and get naked, you big nerd.”

            Maybe he should have felt embarrassed, stripping all the way down while she watched his every move, but this woman had already swallowed his cum once so it felt like a pointless reaction. He dropped his clothes into a pile at the foot of the bed, and when he turned his attention back to her, she was looking him over with a gaze meant to devour.

            Peculiar, since tonight was supposed to be the other way around.

            She stood up and walked a slow circle around him, surveying him from every angle. Despite his resolution, that kind of attention made his ears flush pink, luckily hidden by his shaggy blond hair. He wondered how he stacked up to Hyun Jin and I.N in her eyes.

            Coming to a stop in front of him, she held up the cuffs she’d made from his belt and he obediently slipped his wrists into the loops. She adjusted the fit, testing the band with her finger on each side to make sure it didn’t bite into his skin. 

            Even so, she still asked, “Is it too tight?”

            He shook his head. “No. It feels fine.”

            “Good,” she said, and then she started to strip. For what Felix meant to do, she really didn’t need to take off as much as she did. A minute later, the only thing that remained on her body was a black racerback bra that made her cleavage look amazing.

            “Fuck,” Felix muttered. As far as torment went, this was a damn good option.

            She settled a pillow on the floor next to the bed for his knees, and then glanced at him one more time, taking in his half-hard length in the process.

            “You get off on serving?” she asked him. 

            “I get off on my partner’s happiness,” he amended. The left corner of her mouth picked up at that.

            “Come here, Yong Bok.”

            He knelt on the pillow.

            “When was your last dose of oxy?” she asked him.

            “Hours ago, before we left for the aquarium,” he answered, gazing up at her.

            “Will you take another half for me now?”

            He nodded, not bothering to ask why. If she wanted to put him through his paces, he wouldn’t complain. She plucked the bottle off the nightstand and placed the tiny half-moon on his tongue. He swallowed it.

            “Have you ever had sex on narcotics before?” she asked next. He shook his head, unable to take his eyes off her. When he’d said he was surrendering, he’d meant it.

            “No,” he said. She chuckled.

            “I’ll make sure you have a good experience.”

            “I thought this was about you,” he murmured.

            “It’ll certainly start that way,” she said, fanning her legs open for him.

            He didn’t have to be verbally convinced. An eager throb went through his length as he leaned forward to swipe long licks up her center, acquainting himself with her taste. He made a soft sound of approval. The taste of her heat forced him to recall the taste of her tongue, which made him think of the blowjob she’d given him. His cock twitched up again, the memory of that night (before he’d ruined it) making her taste that much sweeter, his determination to please her that much more intense.

            He delved his tongue into her pussy, making her moan sweetly, alternating his efforts between her cunt and her clit, eager to make her unwind. He knew it would take time and considerable effort, but that didn’t deter or intimidate him; if anything, he relished the opportunity to grovel like this. What she’d said earlier had been true—she didn’t need him. So her consenting to be with him at all had to mean something, and he didn’t want to fuck up.

            By concentrating on the sounds she made, on the flinching of her thighs, on her fingers in his hair, he quickly learned what she liked and kept the pressure up. It would have been easier if he’d been able to use his hands, but she didn’t want this to be easy on him, and that was just as well. Having to work this hard to please made him all the more desperate to do it, to prove that he could.

            When she came, it was extremely obvious. Not only did her sounds completely change, her hips fidgeting against his mouth, but her taste shifted slightly, just enough for him to know what a good job he’d done. He curled his tongue inside her to take what he’d earned, which had the added bonus of stimulating her further, prolonging the orgasm. Finally, she started to taper and he pulled back. His face was damp with her wet, and he didn’t care. He stared up at her, waiting for direction.

            She brushed his hair out of his eyes, her gaze doing a slow sweep of him. His darkened eyes, his glistening chin, his bound wrists, and finally his aching erection. Her attention lingered there, her eyebrows rising slightly. He looked down at himself to see what had prompted that reaction, only to flush when he noticed. Not only was his tip leaking pre-cum, but it had drooled so profusely that a little puddle had formed on the pillow below him.

            “You want me that badly?” she asked him, her voice so soft, the opposite of what he’d expected. He looked up at her again.

            “Yes,” he answered honestly. What point was there in lying when the evidence was so obvious?

            “Do you think you deserve it?” she asked next.

            “No,” he answered without hesitation. A faint smile ghosted against her lips.

            “Good boy,” she said. Crossing her legs at the knee again, she took the tissue box off the nightstand and started cleaning up his face. Felix let his eyes close halfway, enjoying the tender attention.

            “How are you feeling?” she asked him.

            “Fine,” he said.

            “No pain anywhere?”

            “No pain,” he confirmed. He felt a little lightheaded, but that had nothing to do with his physical durability.

            “Would you like to keep going?”

            “Yes,” he said, opening his eyes to meet hers. “Please.”

            She stood and disposed of the tissues, then pulled the case off one of the pillows, winding it in her hands until it resembled a rope. “Lie down on the bed, Felix.”

            He did as she said, not an ounce of fight in him as she tied his bound wrists to the headboard above him. “You know how to make this all stop,” she reminded as she checked the tightness, ensuring he couldn’t escape. Felix appreciated the check-in.

            “I don’t want it to stop,” he said. She toyed with the rose gold band on his right ring finger, her first acknowledgment of him wearing the ring she’d left on his finger the night she’d knocked him out, the night he’d tried to smother her.

            “I suppose you wouldn’t,” she said, thoughtful. Then she kissed him, and Felix melted. She pressed her tongue into his mouth, no doubt tasting herself, and he moaned. He was unable to hold still, his hips twitching up, but she was positioned in such a way that he couldn’t rub his cock on any part of her, couldn’t get any friction, any relief.

            “Poor baby,” she said, drawing back. The kindness from a few minutes ago was gone; Felix was equally attracted to both halves of her. Pampering or punishment, he didn’t care so long as he had her attention. “If only you could use your cock on something.”

            “Please,” he moaned. Her attention was split between his length and his face, his cock twitching whenever she looked at it.

            “Please what?” she asked, meeting his eyes.

            “Please use me,” he said. “Please treat me like a human dildo. Please use my body to get off. It’s there and ready and begging for you, so please just take it.”

            She brushed his hair aside and kissed him again. Then she took her bra off as she straddled his hips. He sighed raggedly, his only regret that he couldn’t touch or taste her tits now that they were free.

            “I’m going to hold you to that,” she said, her cunt dangerously close to the head of his cock now. He fidgeted, but she’d accounted for it, staying just barely out of reach. He whined in frustration. “A good toy would stay hard until I’m finished . . . A good toy won’t come in the middle of my fun and ruin it . . . Do you understand?”

            “Yes,” he said. “I won’t come without permission. I’ll be good.”

            He said it confidently, but with how badly he wanted her, he wasn’t certain it was a promise he could actually keep.

            She sank down onto him bit by slick, glorious bit, and both the sight and feeling of it drew a throaty moan out of him. She showed off for him after that, drawing all the way up and sliding all the way down, giving him a flawless view of her cunt swallowing his cock. He was already feeling dizzy, whether from his arousal or the narcotics kicking in or some combination he couldn’t be sure, and he almost couldn’t believe this was actually happening.

            His expression must have said as much because she laughed softly. “I hope you’re aware of how lucky you are,” she said. He nodded, managing to rip his gaze away from the place their bodies met long enough to look her in the face.

            “I’m well aware,” he said. “I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve you.”

            It was a loaded statement, but a true one. He was acutely aware not only of the pleasure of her on his cock, but of the way she refused to use his torso for support, the way she was doing her best to keep her weight off him, relying wholly on her own strength. After everything he’d put her through, she was trying not to hurt him.

            He wasn’t sure how much pain she could have caused him right then anyway, blitzed as he was, but her efforts didn’t go unnoticed. It was consideration he felt he hadn’t earned yet craved all the same.

            “Will you kiss me again?” he asked impulsively. She blinked, caught off guard, but leaned over him, moving one hand from where it’d been planted onto the bed to cup the back of his neck and claim his lips with hers. He moaned at that, enveloping her lips as ardently as he could, flirting with the idea of his tongue, surprised when she let him slip it into her mouth. She kept rocking on his cock the entire time.

            When they finally broke apart there was spit connecting their lips. Felix felt dazed. She remained leaning over his body, enjoying the angle, continuing to fuck herself back onto him. She didn’t slow down, not a single stutter in her hips, just an onslaught of hard, deep strokes.

            With a distant sense of alarm, Felix realized he wasn’t going to be able to take it. Somewhere between the painkillers and the pleasure and his inability to move or get away, his mind and body both felt on the verge of shattering.

            And he liked it.

            He started to struggle.

            “You’re gonna make me come,” he protested, trying to shift his hips to lessen her pressure, but it was no use, not with his arms strung up the way they were. “You told me not to come without permission but you’re going to make me do it anyway, you’re going to force me.”

            “Don’t you fucking dare, Felix,” she warned, her eyes sharp on his face, though her voice wasn’t unkind. He trusted her to honor his safe word, but he didn’t want to use it. He liked feeling out of control, fully at the mercy of someone else.

            “I’m trying,” he moaned, squeezing his eyes shut. The sensation of her around his cock was intense, addling his already scrambled thoughts. “Fuck I’m trying but I can’t— I can’t—”

            “Figure it the fuck out, Felix,” she said, her voice a little harsher now, slipping further into her own role as Felix drowned in his. “I’m not done with you so don’t you dare come inside me.”

            Felix wasn’t aware of when he’d started to tear up, but when he opened his eyes to look at her again, they ran down his face unbidden. “Please, I can’t stop it, you have to stop,” he begged. Her expression was unmoved as she gazed down at him, no hesitation in her, forcing his cock as deeply inside her as she could. Her expression repeated what she’d said earlier: You know how to make this all stop.

            But he didn’t want it to, and she wouldn’t break the character of the scene by saying it out loud a second time.

            “Stop, I’m—”

            And that was the end of him. With tears streaming down his face, his eyes rolled back in his skull, his hips twitching up violently against her. The sounds he made were guttural, animal. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d come this hard, his orgasm tearing through his whole body, making him shake. Still she didn’t stop, riding him hard through his orgasm, driving him mad with stimulation. That’s when he heard her whine, coupled with the feeling of her cunt spasming around his cock telling him she’d found her orgasm, too.

            But Felix only barely registered any of that. He was too far gone.

She was never going to recover from seeing Felix cry. At first, she thought it was simply because he was a gorgeous crier, but as they came down from their orgasms and he didn’t calm in the slightest, she realized this had to do with a lot more than just sex.

            It had happened to her before, where an exceptionally demanding sex session had opened the floodgates for every emotion she’d been keeping inside for weeks or more, bawling her eyes out long after the high had passed. She recognized it in Felix now for what it was.

            She pulled off him, both of them dripping, trembling messes, and quickly undid his restraints. She guided his arms back down to their proper position and immediately started rubbing his shoulders and extremities to soothe any stiffness or numbness he may have sustained. Felix couldn’t take his eyes off her while she did it, but he couldn’t pull himself together, either, and that was fine.

            “It’s okay, Felix,” she murmured. “You’re all right. You’re safe. I promise you’re safe. Let it out, sweetheart.”

            The pet name pulled a different kind of sob from him, and she drew him into her arms, where he promptly buried his face in her neck and cried harder. She ran soothing hands up and down his back, noticing with her touch for the first time the scar along his spine: the old bullet wound that had first devastated him. 

            “Please don’t make me sleep alone tonight,” he pleaded.

            “I won’t,” she said without hesitation. “I would never leave you alone like this. I’m not going anywhere until you’re all right. I promised to take care of you, and I will.”

            He nodded against her neck, pressing closer to her until he was basically in her lap. She couldn’t imagine pushing him away, not right now, and she tried not to think about the potentially far-reaching implications of that.

            She let one hand play with his hair, murmuring placations to him until he started to calm down.

            “We need to clean up now,” she said gently. “Can you handle taking a shower?”

            “Not by myself,” he said. God, she hadn’t meant to fracture him so deeply.

            “Of course not, lovely. I’ll be right there to help you,” she assured. He nodded and let her escort him to the washroom, but not before she’d grabbed a couple of water bottles from the mini-fridge. He guzzled his while she got the shower going.

            Once they were comfortable in the water and steam, she gently took stock of him while she washed his body. She made sure he was clean of sex residue, of course, but looked over his scars and wounds, too. She was pleased to see his forearm healing nicely from where she’d bitten him weeks ago during their first altercation. She lifted his arm and gently kissed both sides of the closed wound.

            She didn’t apologize because she wasn’t sorry about defending herself, but she hoped it was clear that she didn’t want to cause him any more pain. He looked at her then like she was the sun after a long night, and she wished he wouldn’t.

            “Can I tell you something?” he said softly. He traded place with her, giving her time under the water, and leaned against the tiled shower wall.

            “Of course,” she said. He looked at the floor for a moment, like he wasn’t sure if he really wanted to speak at all. She reached to brush his cheek with her fingertips and he looked at her again. “You can tell me.”

            “While you were infiltrating Lee Know’s ranks . . . Before you got caught . . . I wished I had gotten to you before Hyun Jin did,” he said. “During the extraction op, while we were on watch together . . . I never should have tried to hurt you. Not just because it was wrong, but because I liked you . . . I felt twice as upset because I liked you. I liked you, and Hyun Jin replaced me with you and I.N, and I didn’t know how to handle it, so I tried to shut my brain off and just follow orders. But I’m happy you stopped me. I’m happy Hyun Jin has you. And I’m happy for whatever time I’m able to be near you both, in whatever role you need me to play. It doesn’t matter to me. I just . . . I don’t want to be alone again.”

            It was so much more than she expected, so much more than she felt equipped to handle. So instead she moved closer to him and gently kissed his forehead, his starry cheeks, his lips.

            “We’ll figure it out,” she said, because it was the only thing she knew for sure. “We’re in this together now . . . I don’t want to hurt you anymore, and I don’t think you want to hurt me, either.”

            “I don’t,” he confirmed, and he looked so earnest, so remorseful, that it almost thawed her heart. “You don’t know how relieved I am that I didn’t succeed . . . I’ve never been so happy to fail at something in my entire life.”

            She smiled, chuckling a little. “That makes two of us,” she said, as though she wasn’t joking about her life itself.

            When they got out of the shower, she helped Felix dry off, relieved that he seemed to be coming back to himself. They got dressed and she ordered food up to his suite, and they ate sitting atop the bed (minus the topmost blanket, which was basically ruined).

            “I’m feeling a lot better now,” Felix said as they finished up their meal. “You don’t have to stay with me if you don’t want to.”

            “I said I would stay, so I’ll stay,” she said. “Unless you really want me to go, that is. I’ll respect your wishes either way.”

            “I don’t want to sleep alone,” he reiterated. The way he looked at her was so vulnerable, and she got the idea she could have tried to stab him with her fork and he wouldn’t have put much effort into fighting her off.

            “Then I’ll stay.”

            After letting Jeong In and Hyun Jin know she wouldn’t be coming home that night and why (which Jeong In seemed deeply uncertain about), she quickly discovered Felix liked to cuddle. Once they were under the sheets, he wanted to be as close to her as possible. Maybe he hadn’t fully recovered, after all. Or maybe this was just the way he truly was underneath his killer’s veneer.

            “Is this okay?” he asked her. They were curled close together, face to face, with their legs tangled and Felix’s head resting on her arm. Her free hand trailed gingerly along his bare side, and he shivered a little, his eyes looking abruptly shy.

            “It’s okay,” she confirmed. “As long as it doesn’t aggravate your back.”

            “It’s fine,” he assured. “I’d tell you if it wasn’t.”

            “Wake me if you need anything,” she said. He nodded, before shifting his body a little so he could tuck his head under her chin.

            “Good night,” he said, his breath warm against her sternum, “and thank you.”

            “Don’t worry about it,” she murmured, fighting the desire to bury her nose in his hair.

[fili-urzudel]

Moving Forward

Guys the musical I was in opened and closed this weekend!! (I was in a musical that's why I've been so busy lol)

I'm going to have marginally more time in the coming weeks, so

Requests and the Fifty-Follower Celebration are still open! But for the sake! Of Content! Have a list of some of the fics I have in the works and vote on which one sounds most interesting to you. Keep in mind that longer works will take, well, longer.

As I move into adult life, I don't know how much time I can really dedicate to this blog, but it's always worth trying.

Scion - Thorin Oakenshield x OC. The yet unnamed female OC is the last able-bodied adult in a family that has been sworn to the Durins for hundreds of years to protect their line. After fighting to be included in the quest, she eventually discovers that her devotion to Thorin likely goes beyond mere duty. More than likely a multi-chapter fic.

Saturday Sun - Fili Durin x OC/Reader. At the request of Thorin, Fili goes to a Gondorian town near the sea to get away from the pressures of life as royalty under the mountain. He apprentices under and eventually ends up teaching the local blacksmith, staying at an inn. Three weeks before he must return to Erebor, he strikes up an electric friendship with a new guest. 1-2 Parts.

Empress - Fili Durin OR Kili Durin x OC/Reader. One of the Durin brothers spends so much time doubting himself that he misses his chance with the love of his life. He realizes his mistake moments before entering an arranged marriage. Probably just 1 part.

To Be Broken - Thorin Oakenshield OR Fili Durin x OC/Reader. Before leaving for the quest, he swears to his partner/wife to return and to make a better life in Erebor with them. She admonishes him to not make promises he can't keep. Probably 1 part with possibly a post-BotFA follow-up.

Grown-up - Romantic or platonic Bilbo Baggins x Reader. At the beginning of the Unexpected Journey, the reader finds it hard to remember that Bilbo is not, in fact, a child. Either 1 part or a series of shorter parts.

[casspurrjoybell-33]

Taming Arrogance - Chapter 35

*Warning Adult Content*

Blake uncovers my eyes.

The penthouse suite's living room has been transformed into a romantic eatery for two.

A small buffet cart sits beside the table set up next to the grand window.

I walk over to it with a growing flutter deep within my stomach.

A bottle of chilled champagne rests inside an ice bucket and a single rose lays across my plate.

Blake moves behind me, sliding his hands around my waist.

He rests his chin on my shoulder, kissing the nape of my neck.

"What do you think?" he whispers.

"What's all this for?"

"I selected a date that represents two things," he murmurs.

"So you can choose whichever you like better."

I smirk, waiting for him to continue.

"One, this can be a congratulations dinner of all the hard work you've put in the last few weeks. The new store is well on its way and its start-up wouldn't have been a success without you."

I think back over all the meetings and interviews Blake crammed into our days.

Sometimes the meetings felt unbearable but truthfully, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Each day spent here, in Florida, was one more day that I got to be beside Blake, working beside him during the day and sleeping beside him at night and don't even get me started on the sex.

It started out as painful and uncomfortable, with the promise of pleasure just around the corner.

Now the pain has subsided and what is left is ecstasy, plain and simple.

Come to think of it, all my time spent with him is pure ecstasy.

It's not like I've had a shitty life up until this point because I haven't.

There's been plenty of good memories and great people that have come into my life before him.

Still, my memories of the past don't compare to now, I have never been this happy, in my entire life and it's all thanks to him.

So you can imagine my disappointment when he informed me a few days ago that our work here is pretty much done.

In a few days we'll be packing up our belongings and heading home.

It's not that I don't want to go home, either.

It's just the irrational fear that things might be different when we leave this haven.

Perhaps the thought of being without him every night is starting to settle in, too.

My shoulders slump just thinking about, so I clear my throat and push the thoughts away.

"What's the other option?"

"Ah, the other option," Blake says, kissing my earlobe.

"Is to celebrate our one-month anniversary."

A blush creeps onto my cheeks, it's been a month already.

It feels like it went by overnight, while at the same time feeling like we've been together far longer.

I elbow Blake from behind me and he laughs lightly into my ear.

"You're so gay," I say and roll my eyes, hiding my secret joy that he remembered.

"That I am," he agrees proudly.

"And only for you."

The playful confession makes my chest tighten with undiluted happiness.

Blake hugs me tighter to him and lowers his voice.

"So what'll it be?"

I wiggle out of his hold, picking up the rose on my plate and twirling it like a drum stick.

"I'll save my final opinion until after the night plays out. Gotta' keep my options open."

This time it's Blake who rolls his eyes, a trait he very quickly has picked up from me.

He shakes his head and nods for me to take a seat.

He used to always pull my chair out for me but after realizing how feminine it made me feel, he's slowly letting up, key word on slowly.

I take a seat and pull up to the table, Blake pushes the cart beside me, opening the various dishes and allowing me to serve myself first.

My eyes scour the bowls and dishes of food, then my blush deepens as I realize nothing on here is the typical fancy shit we eat.

No, instead it's all food I  like.

There's a platter of pizza, a plate full of burgers and even a bowlful of French fries.

Blake looks at me with a hopeful gaze, waiting to see my reaction.

If he could see inside me, he'd witness a wave of love crashing onto my emotional shore.

Except this one feels more like a tidal wave, I don't know what to say without blurting out that potent 'L bomb' so I take a slice of pizza and stuff the first bite into my mouth.

Blake's shoulders relax, he's pleased at my reaction, as small as it might be.

This makes me love him even more.

He picks up a burger for himself and takes a seat across from me.

True to form, he carefully picks off the top bun before placing two pickles, side by side, across the burger.

Then he reaches for the condiments and squirts on an outer circle of ketchup onto the patty.

He puts on the finishing touches with an inner ring of mustard.

For some reason it makes me feel good to know what he likes on his burger, I'm not sure why.

That's the weird thing I'm learning about love, though. 

The more I learn about Blake, the harder I fall.

The harder I fall, the more I want to learn about him, to know about him.

'Intense cycle, right? Tell me about it.'

"Thanks," I say through a mouthful of pizza. "For this."

Blake grins and takes a bite of his sandwich.

"You're welcome, Callum. It was long overdue."

My stomach flutters hearing him call me by name.

He says it affectionately now, each time meaning more than the last.

"We haven't had a lot of time to sit down and just enjoy each other's company," Blake adds, shaking his head with remorse.

"I'm sorry for that. We've been so busy and whenever we do get free time."

"You can't get me naked fast enough?" I finish with a smug grin and Blake sighs.

"In my defense, I spent a lot of time lusting after you. I'm merely making up for lost time."

I toss my pizza crust on the plate and reach for another piece.

Blake watches my every moment, his gaze as welcome as it is exciting.

"That and you've never had such a hot man in your bed before," I say, flexing my free arm while simultaneously shoving a second piece of pizza in my mouth and he chuckles.

"As true as that may be, I wanted tonight to be about us, about us taking some time to talk and learn about each other."

I secretly have been craving this very same thing but I roll my eyes at the idea.

"Why?"

Blake sighs, running a hand through his thick hair.

"I feel I robbed you of our dating period. We went from co-workers to a hot and heavy couple overnight. I'm trying to correct that. Starting now."

Another tidal wave of love crashes onto shore.

I take a drink of water and lean back in my chair.

"Alright, boss man. What do you want to know?"

"Anything you're willing to tell me," he confesses.

"The little details along with the big."

I shrug.

"Ask away."

"Alright. What are you going to study in college?"

"Business. Next?"

Blake laughs.

"Callum, this isn't an interview. C'mon. Throw me a bone, here."

I dust my hands off on my pant legs, he watches me do this and his nostrils flare with irritation, it surfaces a question of my own.

"My turn," I say. "When did you become such a germaphobe and neat freak?"

He grins proudly.

"Since the ripe age of seven when I realized I could color coordinate my closet, alphabetize all my CD's and dust off all the dirt from my shelves using a rag."

I roll my eyes.

"Sounds fun."

"It was, my turn."

The two of us go back and forth all throughout our meal.

Sometimes the questions get so ridiculous that both of us are left laughing so hard that tears stream down our faces.

He admits at one point that he has an aversion to Milky Way's because growing up he thought they were made with particles from the universe and who would feel safe enough to eat that?

Other questions get a bit more serious, I tell him about my mom, he pulls his chair around to the other side of the table to hold my hand.

I tell him how gay he is but all he does is smile with understanding.

A short bit after that I find out Blake had a brother of his own, one he lost to a rare brain disorder when he was only twelve.

It was a loss that tore his entire family apart.

The hours become lost to us, the food gets cold and the champagne gets warm but we don't care.

Blake was right, the non-sexual side of dating can be fun, too and as much as I hate to admit it, the more I learn about him, the more I love him, just like I knew I would.

The city lights pour through the window, allowing our evening to continue without pause.

My heart begins to swell with emotions I didn't know were possible to feel.

Blake scoots his chair closer to mine and slips his arm around my shoulders.

There's a lull of silence between us, one that is filled with blissful content and comfort.

Without thinking I lean into his touch, suddenly wishing I could make this moment last forever.

"Blake," I say before I can stop myself.

"Do you love me?"

My eyes widen in disbelief.

'Did I just ask that? Out loud? I can feel myself stiffening in his arms, hating that I just added a new level of tension to such a beautiful moment.'

I want to take it back, stuffing the words back into my mouth and swallowing them down whole but Blake does something to make that beautiful moment unforgettable.

His fingertips find their way to my chin and he turns my face to meet his gaze, his expression is relaxed but serious.

"Yes," he answers.

"I love you more than you will ever know."

Time feels like it's standing still, I want it say it in return, that I love him too.

It's like the words are stuck in my throat, though.

No, never mind, those are tears, I swallow again, trying to push them down.

Instead all that comes out is another question.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" he smiles softly.

"I wanted to wait until you were ready to hear them."

"And you think I am now?"

He leans forward, placing a gentle kiss on the corner of my mouth.

"Yes, I do."

"Why?"

"Because I think you love me too."

My heart feels like it might fly out of my chest, Blake tilts his head to the side, giving me the same look of curiosity as the first day he met me amongst the hangers and raincoats.

This time, though, the curiosity is just on the surface and beneath it are layers of lust and love, that can't be erased and I nod in confirmation.

"I do."

Blake pulls me close to him, hugging me tighter than he ever has before.

He nuzzles his nose against my cheek before bringing his lips to my ear.

"You're so gay," he whispers playfully, mocking my earlier words.

He says it because he knows how I get with emotional conversations.

He says it to try and ease our conversation back into lighter territory.

He says it to show me once again he loves me.

So I show him I love him too.

I lower my voice, mimicking his with a serious face and even though I'm adding onto his joke, the words I say in return have never felt more real or more true.

"That I am," I agree, proudly. "And only for you."