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skay-ali · 30 days ago

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Endless Game

a little prologue... I think I should work more with this idea

You loved video games since you were little.

When you played a new game on a console or computer you felt happy, you felt like you had great power, no one was able to stop you, many people in the virtual worlds you entered admired you, they felt positive things about you.

It was very different from your real life, where you didn't exist... most people didn't recognize you, just a forgettable face.

Not even your family could be different, it was much worse with them, they only surrounded your life like guitres, you had the vague idea that at some point when you died or something bad happened they would finally see you.

They only observed your actions from afar without showing emotions.

For some reason beyond your understanding, you began to reject everyone, it's not that you hated people, but rather you found them annoying with each year you turned.

Of course there were few people who were saved from your hatred.

You began to ignore everyone and see them as bugs, you isolated yourself to enjoy games and other passions of yours.

You changed the sweet and kind girl for another person who only cared about herself, who achieved her goals no matter what she had to do.

No more father or brothers, please look at them or show a little affection.

I just want to be her friend, or I'm a good girl who wouldn't do anything wrong.

You ignored everyone, but those who knew how to use you, what's more, you managed to get revenge, teachers and classmates, paid her for messing with you.

Without remorse and with great force you executed your punishments.

Getting your hands dirty no longer seemed unpleasant, but entertaining.

Seeing their tears of pain and regret, along with the knowledge that you screwed up their lives, caused you great satisfaction and emotion.

Left behind is the bad girl, the stupid one who never understood classes, the skeptical eyes about your intelligence, the words of hate for being born into a good family.

No more jealous children, children who wanted to make you look bad, like a savage and abusive person, or those who wanted to manipulate you to get something from your last name, and then leave you hanging.

Not now, if you were the evil girl, who had no mercy for anyone, you were not bothered by the words that different people said to you because some time later you made them seriously regret it.

You continued playing virtual games, all the time, it was one of your greatest happinesses.

That's why when you saw a new program where they accepted players to try a new virtual reality video game, you accepted. It wasn't difficult to be accepted, nor was it difficult to disappear from your home to enjoy a new gaming experience.

You felt very happy, even when they connected many cables to your body and asked you to put on a special suit, nor when they put you in a capsule, you didn't think about it like the other people who were going to try the game.

Everything was wonderful, it was like a new world or rather universe, you could go anywhere, there was a planet full of magic, another super modern and futuristic one, many realities.

You could do anything, from being an adventurer or having a business.

Like an adventure game but much better, the excitement was more because everything felt very strange.

That is until you got tired and wanted to return to the real world to give yourself basic care and continue living.

but there was a problem, you couldn't do it, something was preventing you from leaving the game.

No matter how hard you tried, you couldn't, not being able to achieve anything made you desperate, a great anger invaded you and you tried again to leave with a lot of anger, but you still didn't achieve anything.

you got stuck in a game with a group of people and a lot of npc's.

Things got worse when they began to see some terrifying monsters or animals, which were very aggressive and destroyed everything in their path.

You and the group of trapped people were barely able to adapt, by the time these creatures began to attack you.

It wasn't even possible to live a normal life in the world because they ended up broken by their new predators.

You gathered around three people, they were two girls and a boy, they formed a shelter type and were in charge of eliminating the disgusting creatures.

Every time you saw them, a chill ran through you, they were not normal, they were like big shadows for the most part, but on some occasions when they were shown you could see how some parts of their bodies changed into scratched lines like televisions when they failed or stopped. static while the entire body moved.

You became agile with katanas and some pistols, more from long range.

The more you learned to defend yourself, the more you could survive, and you also developed your skills in the game as much as you could. just survive and appreciate the little moments you had with your friends.

Well that was until the game ended and everyone came out.

oh so you thought, you tried to accept that you wasted years of your life trapped in a game. You were in a new world again, although this was always the one you belonged to, you didn't know almost anything, everything was different. You tried to make a new life with the help of the government agents who were in charge of your case, everything that happened was a secret due to the possible dangers it presented, so when they left, only a few recovered their lives, while the majority had to form a new one and recover from what was experienced in the game.

It was one of those days of mandatory check-ups, where all survivors of the game had to attend, much more so for the famous group therapy where everyone expressed their pain and trauma from the game.

You hated these days and if you could have missed them, you don't need a large group of people talking about their suffering, it was enough for you to endure yours.

You had to pretend to show sympathy even if you didn't feel it, not like most people who really felt it, sometimes you thought something was wrong with you, but you avoided finding a solution, you didn't want to change your life, as selfish as it may sound, you didn't want to. annoying people surrounding your life.

happened out of nowhere, a large tremor occurred, which took the entire group of people off guard, they were on the terrace of the building, which was a quiet day, in an open space, where the wind hit strongly, and some sounds leaves of birds and cars could be heard, where the enormous buildings belonging to a city could be seen in the distance.

A static sound reached your ears, it was very annoying, you felt like your eardrums would explode, at the same time your head started to hurt, you felt like something was crushing it.

As soon as you were able to concentrate on your hands, they were taking on the same effect that appeared in the game, they became black pixels and changed to colored lines.

The last thing you caught was your colleagues going through the same thing as you.

.......

footsteps were heard behind all the commotion.

There was a small screen, with blue and light blue pixels.

Many people dressed in black suits surrounded her, near that large painting were some scientists.

Some people were talking to people in black suits, their peculiar outfits caught the attention of some curious spectators.

The Justice League and the Young Justice League were present to save the day, after the sudden appearance of some portals that opened the way for creatures that attacked different places, who were not easy to eliminate.

No matter how much the leaders of the large group of heroes tried to enter and save the day, they could not because the people in black suits did not allow them.

"It is not within their jurisdiction" was the only thing they were told.

Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman were the ones who tried to reason with the people who did not allow them to enter. Some heels were getting closer and closer, behind them other footsteps could also be heard.

"So you're going to participate" a female voice mocked.

a growl was his response.

"Just don't be a hindrance" a thick voice was heard.

"hahahaha I'm going to get in your way, you're a great comedian.... you don't become dead weight" the funny voice became cold and merciless.

"Civilians can't pass, it's dangerous," the voices of some young people were heard, who stopped the two figures.

An emotionless look was the response to the young heroes while the heroes looked with surprise at these strange characters, one wore yellowish colors in his suit, another with a dark suit with red and green, some women with suits attached to their body, perhaps hero fashion. They had a magician, an alien girl, one with arrows.... other guys with more suits.

The two people continued to advance, but were stopped by the heroes who saw two civilians continue walking despite the orders they were given.

A great commotion arose since the two unknown characters took out their weapons, the girl had sheathed the handle of her katana and raised it a little from its sheath, while the man took out two weapons ready to be fired.

Some piercing glances were cast.

"Enough, I'm not going to continue with this nonsense," the female voice complained.

"MR. BRONW!!!!" It was a loud shout that everyone could hear, even the people who were talking near the portal.

A few footsteps came quickly to where the two peculiar characters with weapons were.

"Aaaaa miss ___, it's good that you arrived, we were waiting for you" a small man spoke with a meek voice. "

It really doesn't seem like it with so many heroes here" he put away his katana before crossing his arms angrily.

"nonono ignore them... come follow me" he pulled the girl's hand ignoring the people who were witnessing the scene.

They reached the big screen where they were stopped by the guards.

........

You sighed, annoyed by everything that was happening, they called you to enter a new portal and it turns out that not only are you going to enter with one of the people you couldn't tolerate, but a lot of heroes won't allow you to do your job.

"Seriously, let's do this again," you complained to the man in front of you.

"ID" he said dryly.

You clenched your hands angrily.

Not only did you have to endure a long trip, where many people looked at you, but also a long process to be allowed to do your job.

"Wait, are you going to let these two kids in?"

"They are not heroes, they are civilians"

"they can't handle something like that"

You raised your arm and put it in the man's face, before crushing your skin.

In a few seconds a circle with bright lines appeared on your arm. The lights projected a large screen in the air where some letters appeared.

"It's class S" some voices whispered.

You smiled when you saw how they allowed you to pass.

"Well, I think this civilian is going to take care of the problems," you said out loud.

You pressed your hand on the locked screen, soon projecting the silhouettes of a stage. leaving neutral colors behind.

You took out your sword and held it in your hand.

you walked slowly towards the screen.

You entered calmly. It was always strange when you returned to your old virtual prison.

you smiled as you eliminated one of the warriors of the final villain of this place. a few more and you would face the most powerful on the floor.

You were looking forward to it.

but you knew that at the end all emotion would go away, your colorful life would become gray again, you wondered where everything changed, where was the girl full of dreams and smiling laughter?

were you a monster? You could barely relate to people, you had little appreciation for them, you became like a wild animal when it came to fighting but it was nothing in your life as a civilian.

You continued attacking all the monsters that came your way.

you used every attack you had, remembering how you did before when you were trapped in the game.

It was not only a fight to survive and not become another patient with a cerebral coma in the hospital, but to protect all the people from the danger of the game that had trapped you a few months ago in their system.

Oh at least those words were repeated to you by your new bosses when they sent you on a new mission to the new portals that opened.

In the end, with the help of the shooter who entered the game with you, you were able to defeat the final boss. and just as you said, your adrenaline along with your happiness was running out.

You looked at your hands, they were red, raw, it must have been because of the great force with which you squeezed your katanas.

You indulged yourself in your hands, ignoring everything around you, you just wanted to get to your apartment and play your video games.

They didn't give you the same feeling that was draining from your body, but at least it allowed you to feel something similar.

You walked out of the portal, playing with the jewel left by the final boss, you threw it into the air and watched it fall again.

It was more entertaining than dealing with all the heroes who were probably arguing with your bosses.

You were not wrong because you could see how the heroes argued with some men in suits that you saw in the new meetings with the players who agreed to eliminate the characters that appeared from the game.

You opened the screen by pressing the button on your arm, it was very strange to see it, they reminded you of the robots in that video game with rebellious robots and police officers.

You changed your clothes, your suit had been damaged, you were going to miss it every time you wore it, you remembered the Japanese girls from some video games.

You were going to go back to your house to continue with your boring life until the next attack.... but you looked away to see the heroes again, your gaze collided with the man in the bat suit.

You felt something strange, a great discomfort, you felt like you had to run, this worried you, fear... you overcame this feeling a long time ago.

That person in that suit managed to worry you, something strange about you, that person seemed familiar to you, it reminded you of your family.

"____ well done, I was fascinated with your work" a new voice appeared next to you.

"Funny you say... how do you know what I did" you questioned the boy, he was one of the scientists who was researching how the game appeared in the flesh in the real world.

"ahh you didn't know, since you entered, some screens appeared that showed how you fought with Red against the monsters"

......

A letter remained on the elegant desk full of papers.

Bruce barely paid attention to it, because it was something insignificant, nothing worth taking a look at.

I had more important matters to attend to. He thought about throwing it in the trash because he considered that piece of paper to be trash.

Even so, he couldn't, not when he remembered the girl's face, his daughter had given it to him when she returned from school.

He threw it in a drawer before returning to his own business.

He never thought he would desperately search for that piece of paper again.

He had seen his daughter for a long time, she simply vanished, no one knew her whereabouts, no matter how hard he looked, he couldn't find her.

The only thing he had left was a couple of photos that were taken desperately by his children. a dark room with thousands of machines and artificial lights. video games, the cameras showed him how his lively and affectionate daughter became with each passing day a lonely girl, devoid of emotions and immersed in video games.

When he opened the paper he found a drawing of hearts, a poorly drawn person and a message... "To my hero, dad, you are the best and I love you very much" with sloppy handwriting that looks like scribbles.

He knew you were alive, he saw you on this hectic day.

You were part of the new entrants that were fighting with the new monsters that were beginning to appear.

I never hope to see you again... he thought he had lost you forever, his daughter, the girl he never saw, one of his greatest regrets.

But now if it was really you, he could fix everything.

compensate you for being the worst father and give you what you always deserved.

be the person in your drawing from many years ago

#x reader #yandere dc #yandere platonic #yandere batfam

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writingbluerose · 6 months ago

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birthday surprise | idia x reader

SUMMARY: It's Idia's birthday today and you decided to get him a present. Along with maybe something you've been wanting to tell him for a long time

WARNINGS : none :3

A / N : Is it just me or Idia is a VERY hard character to write? :') Also mb if the romantic scenes suck, I can't write them well :'(

— Introduction —

The snow was slowly falling onto the grass outside Ramshackle dorm, covering it in a nice thin snow blanket. And while outside it was peaceful, inside the dorm was chaos.

The AceDeuce duo had invited themselves in the dorm earlier, but that escalated quickly as for some reason while you and Deuce were talking, Ace started chasing Grim through the whole dorm. “Hey Grim! Ace! Can you sto- AGH GRIM COME ON!„ You quickly avoided a blast of fire coming from Grim too close to a certain blue box that was sitting close to the window. “Shit,the box! Deuce! Do something!„ “I'm on it Prefect! I summon thee, cauldron!„ “Are you stupid?!? Don't -! „ Too late, a big cauldron dropped from thin air not only stopping the fight, but also making a whole new hole into the already destroyed floor. Well, at least the box was safe and steady in your hands. You got closer to the cauldron coughing a bit from the dust in the air. “You've got to be kiddin' me man, I just fixed the floor!„ “Ah, sorry Prefect, I just couldn't think of another way to stop the fight„

You sighed and looked at the box on your hands. “You could've destroyed the box idiots. Must you always fight when you're together? You're like a bunch of children!„ “Oh come on! We didn't even do anything bad! Besides what even is in the box that's so important??„ You look at it again, the faint blush on your face doesn't go unnoticed by the three. “It's a present for Idia„

You would've never guessed Idia would even allow such a party with this many people. Thinking about it, he probably didn't, it was most likely Ortho who wished his big brother would interact with people more, and since it's his birthday he probably saw a big opportunity for it.

Speaking of which, you've been looking for Idia for a while now. There were two options here : 1. either he was locked in his room not even bothering to come out or 2. He is somewhere here, hiding in a corner most likely playing one of his gacha games. You figured you should keep looking, you were sure your present was definitely gonna boost his mood. As you were looking for him, you accidentally bumped into someone. “Ah! Y/N-san hello!„ Looking down from where the voice came from, it was none other than Ortho. Well, maybe he could help you find Idia. “Ortho hello! Hey, I have a question. Do you have any idea where your brother might be? I can't seem to spot him anywhere„ “Of course! Nii-san is right over there in the corner — he said while pointing at the far wall in front of you — He's a bit overwhelmed tho, I hope you can help him, he always seems to like having you around„ Smiling down at the boy and thanking him for helping, you made your way to far back of the room.

And there he was. He was staying on the floor with his knees up and his chin on them playing on his phone. You silently made your way to him and sat down on your knees, box still on your hands. “Hello there birthday boy, are you alright?„ You spoke loud enough for him to hear but not the other people. Idia left out a squeak almost dropping his phone at the sound of your voice. He looked at you and prayed to the sevens you didn't see his pink cheeks. “H-hi Y/N-shi. I'm.. I'm fine. I just hate being in a room full of normies and loud music... that's all„ You looked at him with a small smile. Oh how he loved it when you smiled at him like that. “Yeah, loud music definitely gives me a headache, say, I have a present for you, do you want to go open it in your room? It's less overwhelming there„ Oh Idia loves you so much. He was more than grateful that you understood how he feels perfectly. “Uh yeah, I'd-I'd like that„ „Great let's go!„ Only when you both got up did Idia notice the box in your hands. That must be the present you were talking about. He can't help but have a small, almost unnoticeable, smile on his face at the thought of you going out of your way to buy him a present. Given the fact that your financial situation wasn't the best.

You both discreetly made your way out of the Ignihyde lounge and successfully made it to Idia's room unnoticed by anyone. Idia closed the door behind him and turned to you. You were sitting on the floor with the biggest grin on your face. He laughed. “With how excited you are, people might think you're the one getting the present, not me„ You giggled at his comment. “I'm just excited for you to open it! Now come on! Come sit next to me and open it!„ You patted the spot next to you and Idia hesitantly took a seat on the floor next to you. You excitedly handed him the box motioning for him to open it.

When he opened the box, Idia couldn't contain his surprised yelp. In the box there was the ENTIRE collection of a manga he has been bragging to you about, for months. He never bought it because he never found it online. And he never thought about checking in irl stores. Idia looked at you with wide eyes. “W-where did you get this?!? I couldn't find even one volume online!!„ You laughed at the reaction. “Hm..well, with the help of Jack, Ace, Deuce and Grim, I've been able to find it in one of the stores around Night Raven„ “But-...but, this, without a doubt, was like EXTRA EXPENSIVE!! How did you-?„ “Oh the teachers gave me a hand with money, I helped them after hours and they paid me for it. It was..some very long 5 months„ “FIVE?!„ While Idia was surprised by your gesture, he couldn't help but smile brightly at the gift. Again, the thought of you doing something like this for him...he knew you knew he was a loser who stayed in his room all the time, despite that you still went out of your way to buy something like this. He turned his face to you, his tips of his hair pink and so were his cheeks. “T-thanks... really, I love it„ “You're welcome„ And that's when Idia saw it, despite the genuine smile on your face, he knew there was something else that was bothering you. It's a thing he picked up after staying so much with you, your habits and what they meant. “What's up?„ His concern didn't go unnoticed by you. You took a deep breath and looked him in the eyes, and oh, how beautiful those yellow eyes were. “There's uh... there's something else in the box..„ The blue haired man looked in the box again, and he noticed a paper. He took it out and he figured it was some sort of birthday card. He heard you whisper read it with your head turned around so you wouldn't look at him. Oh boy, what was it? Is it bad? Did you want to break his friendship with him and you wrote it there?!? Did you realize he's a loser and you left him for someone better?! No that can't be! How would he be able to bottle up the courage to confess if you wouldn't be friends anymore?!? Idia didn't like that one bit. Trying to ignore the overthinking in his head, with shaking hands Idia opened the card.

He looked at the text first, mostly admiring your beautiful hand writing. As he started reading, his hair became more and more pink while progressing through the card. He thought he was going to die right then and there when he first read the words "I love you" Idia likes you, he loves you, he adores you so much, he can't even put it into words. He loves your presence, your laugh, your face, everything. He had never told you simply because he knows he's an ugly loser, and you'd never like someone like him. But right now, with the card in his hands, he can't help but silently yelp and the words. You love him and he loves you.

Looking back at you, Idia noticed you still didn't look at him. Body slightly shaking in anticipation. You were scared, scared that he might think it's disgusting for you to feel such things. Even tho he was the one to break the silence. “I- I really...-re-really...- love you...too„ SEVENS WHY WAS HE STUTTERING SO MUCH. He can't get a word out of his mouth. That's when you decided to finally look at him. Your eyes were wide and looking at him with your face read, Idia was thinking that surely his was redder than yours. He looked at the floor and spoke again. “I-I've liked you for..for a while„ Idia looked at you again, he knew you wanted to say something, he waited, not patiently, but he waited. Finally, you took a deep breath and looked him in the eyes. Idia was sure going to faint if you kept looking at him like that. “Can I....can I kiss you?„ The moment those words reached his ears, Idia's hair turned a bright red. Of course he wanted to! He dreamed of kissing you, and that happened only in his fanfics! Maybe he shouldn't tell you that tho.

Idia slowly nodded and you both got closer to each other. Closer and closer until your lips meet. And, oh, Idia thought for a second he reached the heavens. How nice it was to kiss you. He hesitated for a second before he lightly put his hands on your waist, trying to get you closer. You answered by putting one of your hands on his cheek, while you intertwined your fingers with the other.

The kiss didn't last long, as Idia needed to breathe. Soft pants could be heard from him, his hair still bright red, like his face. You smiled at him, you smiled at him like you smiled at no one else. And so did he. He gave your hand a squeeze before, once again, breaking the silence. “Can we...do that again? Please..?„ You laughed before scooting closer to him, your bodies almost touching. You got close to his lips to whisper a barley audible "Of course we can„ Before kissing him once again.

Idia hoped he could stay like this forever. Now his birthday party long forgotten by the both of you, only thinking about each other at the moment, and how you hoped you could stay like this for eternity. Ah, how much he loved you.

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twst idia #idia shroud #idia x reader #idia shroud x reader #ortho shroud #ignyhide

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yumicreatesworld · 7 months ago

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Heyyy! Could you make a Ni-ki angst? Like Ni-ki and reader were classmates in elementary school and Ni-ki bullied them or like treated them badly but in high school Ni-ki got a crush on her and know he feels bad bc reader act like nothing happened in the past.

I hope you understood what I meant and thank you if you write it!

Take care love<3

Forging Friendship: A Journey of Redemption - Nishimura Riki

Summary: Riki, once a bully, seeks to make amends with Y/N, whom he mistreated in elementary school. Through genuine efforts and newfound maturity, their bond strengthens as they navigate high school together, fostering trust and understanding.”

Pairing: bully!Ni-ki x student!reader

Rating: PG-13

Word Count: 3.4k

Genre: Contemporary, Young Adult Fiction

Warnings: bullying, themes of emotional turmoil

Thank you, hunni pumpkin, for my first ever request! I hope I was able to fulfill your request, feedback is greatly appreciated. (NB: I don’t have kindergarten, elementary or high school where I am from, nor grades, junior year, senior year, etc. Sorry if my information is incorrect,😭)

@loriszeretinikit

In the bustling halls of your elementary school, you always felt like an outsider. You preferred the company of books and your own imagination over the chaotic playground games. It wasn’t that you didn’t like people; it was just that the noise and drama of your peers often felt overwhelming. Unfortunately, this made you an easy target for Riki.

Riki was the kind of boy who thrived on attention. His antics and pranks made him popular among the other kids, but they often came at the expense of someone else. More often than not, that someone else was you. Whether it was hiding your books, making fun of your quiet nature, or tripping you in the hallways, Riki seemed to have made it his mission to make your life difficult.

One particularly bad day stood out in your memory. It was the day of your group project presentation in front of the whole class. You had spent weeks preparing, putting in extra effort to make sure everything was perfect. The topic was something you were passionate about, and you were excited to share your work.

As your group got ready to present, you felt a mix of nerves and excitement. However, just before it was your turn to speak, Riki, who was part of your group, smirked and pulled a small, hidden cord that caused the project display to collapse. The carefully arranged posters and models came crashing down, and the class erupted in laughter.

“Whoops, my bad,” Riki said with a shrug, not even bothering to hide his amusement.

Your face burned with embarrassment as you scrambled to pick up the pieces. The teacher tried to restore order, but the damage was done. Your carefully planned presentation was ruined, and the sense of pride you had felt was replaced by humiliation.

For the rest of the day, you avoided everyone’s gaze, the sting of Riki’s actions lingering long after the incident ended. It wasn’t just the pranks and public humiliation that hurt the most. It was the little things, too. The whispered comments as you walked by, the snickers behind your back, the feeling of always being watched and judged. It made you withdraw even further into yourself, seeking solace in the pages of your books where the characters were kinder than the children around you.

Your only escape was the library, a quiet sanctuary where you could lose yourself in stories far removed from your own reality. There, you found comfort in the silence, away from Riki’s taunts and the harsh world of the playground.

Despite everything, you never told anyone about the bullying. You didn’t want to be seen as weak, and a part of you hoped that if you ignored it long enough, it would stop. But the pain was always there, a constant companion during those formative years.

As elementary school came to an end, you looked forward to a fresh start in high school, hoping to leave behind the memories of Riki’s cruelty and the hurt it caused. You spent that summer reading, preparing yourself mentally for the new beginning. High school was a chance to redefine yourself, to be someone more confident and less affected by the past.

The first day of high school arrived, and you walked through the gates with a mixture of anxiety and hope. The campus was much larger, filled with new faces and new opportunities. As you navigated through the crowded hallways, you reminded yourself that this was your chance to start over.

Yet, as fate would have it, one of the first familiar faces you saw was Riki’s. He had grown taller over the summer, his features more mature, but the sight of him brought a rush of old memories and a pang of anxiety. You steeled yourself, determined not to let the past define your high school experience.

Riki’s eyes met yours briefly in the hallway, and you quickly looked away, pretending not to notice. You kept your head high and your focus straight ahead, refusing to let the memories of elementary school overshadow your new beginning. As the days turned into weeks, you found solace in your classes and new friendships, slowly building a new identity for yourself, one that wasn’t marked by Riki’s cruelty.

High school was your chance to be someone new, and you embraced it fully. You participated in clubs, made new friends, and excelled academically. You became someone who was respected and admired, not for how quiet you were, but for your kindness, intelligence, and resilience.

Yet, even as you thrived, the shadow of the past lingered in the background. Riki was no longer the same mischievous boy, and you often caught glimpses of him looking your way with a conflicted expression. It seemed he, too, was dealing with the echoes of the past, but you pushed those thoughts aside. This was your time to shine, and you weren’t going to let anything dim your light.

I leaned against the window of the train, watching the cityscape gradually transform into rolling hills and lush greenery. My parents had decided that a summer away from the city would do me good, so they sent me to my grandparents’ house in the countryside. I wasn’t thrilled at first, but as the train moved further from the familiar, I felt a strange sense of anticipation. Maybe this was what I needed—a break from everything.

Upon arrival, my grandparents greeted me warmly. My grandfather, a stoic yet kind man, patted my shoulder. “It’s good to see you, Riki. You’ve grown.”

I smiled, feeling a bit awkward but comforted by their presence. Their house was a quaint, old-fashioned home surrounded by fields and forests. It was a world away from the bustling city and my usual distractions.

The first few days were uneventful. I helped with chores, spent time exploring the woods, and tried to keep my mind off things. But the tranquility of the countryside made it hard to ignore the thoughts that had been gnawing at me. Memories from elementary school, particularly of you, kept surfacing, filling me with a deep sense of regret.

One evening, as the sun dipped below the horizon, my grandfather found me sitting alone on the porch. “Mind if I join you?” he asked.

I shrugged, “Sure, Grandpa.”

We sat in silence for a while, watching the fireflies flicker in the gathering dusk. Finally, he spoke. “I see a lot on your mind, Riki. Something you want to talk about?”

I hesitated but then sighed. “I’ve been thinking about how I used to treat someone back in elementary school. There was this girl, Y/N. I was really mean to her. I bullied her, and I can’t stop thinking about it.”

My grandfather nodded, his expression thoughtful. “It’s good that you’re reflecting on your past actions. It means you’re growing up. But feeling guilty isn’t enough. You need to take responsibility and make amends if you can.”

“How do I do that?” I asked, genuinely curious.

“By showing that you’ve changed through your actions. Be kind, be respectful, and if you get the chance, apologize sincerely. It’s never too late to make things right.”

I pondered his words. The next day, I decided to start making changes in small ways. I helped my grandparents more willingly, took on extra chores, and tried to be more considerate and patient. I found that these small acts of kindness made me feel better, more grounded.

My grandfather also shared stories from his own youth, times when he had made mistakes and had to learn from them. “We all mess up, Riki,” he said one evening. “What matters is how we choose to move forward. You have the power to become a better person.”

I spent the rest of the summer embracing this new mindset. I also rekindled my passion for dance, which had always been a source of joy and expression for me. My grandparents encouraged me, watching proudly as I practiced in the open fields, my movements becoming more fluid and purposeful.

My grandmother had also given me a journal. “Write down your thoughts, your goals. It might help you sort through everything.”

I took her advice and began journaling. I wrote about my regrets, my hopes for the future, and my desire to change. The act of writing helped me clarify my intentions and strengthened my resolve to be better.

As the summer drew to a close, I felt a profound sense of transformation. I had grown not just physically but emotionally and mentally. I was determined to carry this new perspective into the school year and beyond.

It was the first day of junior year, and Riki stood at the entrance of the high school, scanning the sea of faces.

As he walked through the crowded hallways, greeting friends and acquaintances, he spotted a familiar face—you. You had changed since elementary school. Your posture was more confident, your smile brighter, and there was an air of indifference around you that made you almost unrecognizable. Yet, something about you drew him in, something that made his heart race and his stomach churn with regret.

Riki couldn’t shake the memories of how he had treated you. The pranks, the taunts, the humiliation he had caused—all of it came rushing back. He watched you from afar, captivated by your resilience and grace. He wanted to approach you, to apologize, but every time he tried, the words caught in his throat. He feared you would see him as the same bully from your past.

Days turned into weeks, and Riki found himself unable to stay away. He would catch glimpses of you in the hallways, during lunch, and in classes you shared. He noticed how you interacted with others—kind, intelligent, and respected. You had built a life for yourself that seemed untouched by the shadows of your shared past.

One afternoon, Riki finally gathered the courage to speak to you. He found you sitting alone under a tree, engrossed in a book. Taking a deep breath, he approached. This was it—the moment he had been dreading and longing for all at once.

“Hey,” he said, his voice shaky.

You looked up, your eyes meeting his with a calm, unreadable expression. “Hi,” you replied, your tone polite but distant.

“I… I don’t know if you remember me,” Riki began, his hands trembling. “But we were classmates in elementary school. I treated you badly, and I’ve felt awful about it ever since. I wanted to say I’m sorry.”

You studied him for a moment, your face portraying no emotion. “It’s okay,” you said finally. “It was a long time ago.”

Riki’s heart sank. Your indifference was worse than anger. “No, it’s not okay,” he insisted. “I hurt you, and I need to make it right. Please, let me make it up to you somehow.”

You closed your book and stood up, looking him in the eyes. “Riki, I’ve moved on. You should too. We were kids back then, and kids do stupid things. But we’re different people now.”

Riki watched you walk away, feeling more lost than ever. Your words, though reasonable, didn’t absolve the guilt that gnawed at him. He knew you were right, but he couldn’t just let it go.

Over the next few days, Riki struggled with how to show you he was sincere. He realized a simple apology wouldn’t be enough. He needed to prove through his actions that he had changed. But how? He barely knew you now, and you seemed so far removed from the girl he had tormented.

Riki wandered, pondering his thoughts, when he saw you struggling with a stack of books outside the library. He rushed over without thinking. “Let me help you with those,” he offered.

You hesitated for a moment but then nodded. “Thanks.”

As he carried the books for you, he tried to make small talk. “I noticed you like reading a lot. What’s your favorite book?”

You glanced at him, surprised by the question. “It changes, but right now, I’m really into ‘Pride and Prejudice.’”

Riki nodded, genuinely interested. “I’ve heard it’s good. Maybe I should give it a read.”

You looked at him skeptically, a small smile playing on your lips. “You don’t strike me as the classic literature type.”

Riki chuckled, relieved to see a hint of warmth in your demeanor. “Yeah, I guess I wasn’t before, but I’m trying to broaden my horizons.”

You seemed to soften a bit at that. “Well, it’s never too late to start.”

Riki continued to find small ways to help you. He held doors open, saved you a seat in class, and even stood up for you when others tried to belittle you. At first, you were wary of his intentions, but gradually, you began to see that his efforts were genuine.

“Thank you, Riki,” you said softly. “I see that you’re trying, and I appreciate it. Let’s start over, as friends.”

Riki felt a weight lift off his shoulders. “I’d like that,” he replied, smiling for the first time in what felt like years.

As you spent more time together, Riki’s feelings for you grew deeper. He admired your strength, your kindness, and your ability to move forward despite the past. He found himself falling for you, not just because of his guilt, but because of who you had become.

One afternoon, you and Riki found yourselves alone in the library, working on a group project. The other members had taken a break, leaving the two of you surrounded by the quiet hum of study sessions and the occasional shuffle of books being returned to shelves. The atmosphere was tense with unspoken words, both of you aware of the lingering tension from your shared history.

Riki had been grappling with his guilt and uncertainty for months, haunted by memories of his actions in elementary school. As he stole glances at you, diligently scribbling notes in your project binder, he knew he couldn’t keep avoiding the conversation that weighed heavily on his conscience.

Finally, summoning all his courage, Riki spoke up, his voice tinged with sincerity and vulnerability. “Y/N,” he began, his tone serious yet hesitant, “I know I’ve said sorry before, but I feel like it wasn’t enough. I really want to explain why I acted the way I did back then.”

You looked up from your notes, meeting his gaze with a mix of curiosity and caution. Your eyes, usually warm and welcoming, now held a guarded expression that mirrored the walls you had built around yourself. “Okay, I’m listening,” you replied quietly, willing to give him this moment to explain.

Riki took a deep breath, his hands fidgeting with a pencil he had picked up absentmindedly. “When we were kids,” he began slowly, choosing his words with care, “I didn’t understand a lot about myself or how to treat others. I was insecure and desperate to fit in. I thought… I thought making fun of you would make me look cool.”

He paused, the weight of his admission hanging heavy in the air between you. “It was wrong and cowardly,” he continued, his voice barely above a whisper. “And I regret it deeply.”

You listened in silence, feeling a mix of emotions swirling within you—pain from the memories of being ridiculed, skepticism about Riki’s sincerity, and a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, people could change.

“It’s hard for me to reconcile the person you were with who you seem to be now,” you finally admitted, your voice soft but laced with underlying uncertainty.

Riki nodded earnestly, his gaze unwavering as he met your eyes. “I understand,” he said sincerely. “And I don’t expect you to forget or forgive easily. But I want you to know that every day, I try to be a better person. Meeting you again has given me a chance to make things right, and I don’t want to waste it.”

Your expression softened slightly, a faint hint of understanding dawning in your eyes. “I can see that you’re trying, Riki,” you acknowledged quietly, your guard easing just a fraction. “But it’s going to take time for me to fully trust you.”

Riki exhaled slowly, relief washing over him at your words. “I know,” he replied earnestly, his voice tinged with determination. “And I’m prepared for that. I just want to be someone you can count on, even if it’s just as a friend.”

The library seemed to cocoon around you both, the weight of the past slowly easing as Riki’s honesty and vulnerability bridged the gap between you. It was a small step forward, but for Riki, it felt like the first ray of sunlight breaking through storm clouds after a long, dark night.

And, Riki kept his words, continuing to show his commitment through his actions. He was there when you needed help with schoolwork, offering explanations patiently and without judgment. He saved you a seat during lunch breaks, engaging you in conversations that gradually moved beyond surface topics to deeper discussions about life, dreams, and shared interests.

Each interaction was a testament to Riki’s genuine effort to be a better person and a reliable friend. And though the road to rebuilding trust was fraught with uncertainties and hesitations, both you and Riki knew that every small step forward was worth it.

One evening, as the sun dipped low on the horizon, casting a warm golden hue over the streets, you walked home together with Riki. The usual bustle of the day had settled into a serene quiet, creating a moment of intimacy between the two of you.

“Y/N,” Riki began, his voice soft yet filled with sincerity, “I need you to know that my feelings for you aren’t just about making up for the past. I truly care about you, and I want to be someone who supports and cherishes you.”

His words hung in the air, a gentle breeze stirring the leaves overhead as you processed their weight. You slowed your pace, turning to face Riki, searching his eyes for any hint of uncertainty or insincerity.

“Riki,” you replied slowly, your voice quiet but steady, “it’s taken me a long time to come to terms with what happened between us in the past. I appreciate your honesty and your efforts to change. But trust… trust takes time.”

Riki nodded, his expression earnest as he listened to your words. He understood the depth of your caution, knowing that his actions in the past had left scars that couldn’t be easily forgotten.

“I promise you, Y/N,” Riki spoke earnestly, his voice carrying a note of determination, “I’m not that same person anymore. I’ve learned from my mistakes, and I’m committed to proving it to you, no matter how long it takes.”

You studied him for a moment, observing the sincerity in his eyes and the sincerity in his voice. There was a vulnerability in his stance, a raw honesty that touched something deep within you.

“I can see that you’ve changed, Riki,” you admitted quietly, a flicker of hope kindling in your heart. “And I want to believe in you.”

Riki’s shoulders relaxed slightly, relief evident in his features. “Thank you, Y/N,” he replied gratefully. “I know I still have a lot to prove, but I’m willing to do whatever it takes.”

As you continued walking, the weight of Riki’s words lingered between you, weaving a thread of understanding and tentative trust. The road ahead was uncertain, filled with challenges and moments of doubt, but in that fleeting moment, you dared to believe that maybe, just maybe, forgiveness and healing were possible.

Over the following weeks and months, Riki remained steadfast in his efforts to prove himself to you. He continued to be a supportive presence in your life, offering encouragement during challenging times and celebrating your successes with genuine enthusiasm. He respected your boundaries and never pushed for more than you were ready to give.

Slowly but surely, your trust in Riki grew. It wasn’t a sudden transformation but a gradual evolution, built on a foundation of mutual respect, honesty, and shared experiences. Together, you navigated the complexities of friendship and the delicate dance of rebuilding what had been broken.

And as each day passed, Riki’s actions spoke louder than words, demonstrating his unwavering commitment to being the person you could rely on—a friend who cherished your trust and valued your presence in his life.

I hope you all enjoyed! Please do leave all the criticism as it helps make me a better writer. Also, I tried some new things, like a change of frame. Let me know how the overall story flowed for you all. Love you!

#kpop #kpop au #kpop drabbles #kpop writers #enhypen niki #enhypen nishimura riki #niki x reader #niki au #niki fanfic #angst #bully au #x reader

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naughtyneganjdm · 7 months ago

Text

Good Luck Charm - Chapter 32

Summary: As time goes by, Negan starts to go crazy to himself while being held prisoner in Alexandria.

Characters: Negan, Y/N/reader (OC), Evie, etc.

Warnings: Swearing, Severe Angst, Thoughts of Suicide, Negan trying to hurt himself, etc.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/39423063/chapters/144929551

Notes: Back at it with some time jumping. Looking to finish this soon. Thanks to those that still read this!

Pinching at the bridge of his nose, Negan didn’t know what hurt more. His head that he smashed against the wall after Michonne denied bringing him Lucille or his throat after he tried to hang himself from the sheet using the bars of his cell. Both attempts were failures. Every time Negan got close to killing himself, he panicked and backed down. That’s why Maggie coming here to kill him was his only sure shot of dying. And when she left him there to rot, he knew that he would never be able to kill himself. His one chance was Maggie and that failed too.

Hearing that Rick went missing after blowing up the bridge, Negan knew that he would certainly be left alone to himself from here on out. No one talked to him. No one bothered with him. Gabriel found him after one of his suicide attempts, but no one cared. He could only imagine the hell that he was going to suffer now with Rick gone. Rick was the one person fighting for him, even if he was still being tortured. In all the time he was down here, Rick was the only person that bothered to talk to him. Even though Rick hated him, it still seemed like Rick treated him like a human being. The other people here? No one was going to take the time with him to bother. So all that pain and all that agony? It was only going to intensify the loneliness now that he knew he was alone. And being alone was the thing that broke him the most right now. Being trapped in his own thoughts was a very dangerous thing.

Every second felt like hours being trapped down here. So much time had passed since he had been locked up and he was miserable. Heart broken. Sad. Never before had he truly understood what it was like to feel like this.

“It’s time,” Negan heard the sound of Y/N’s voice filling the air, causing him to jump. He had been to his silence for so long that it surprised him when he heard her voice. Lifting his head up from the cot, he noticed that she wasn’t in the cell with him. His vision of her was standing by the door to the room that his cell was in.

“Hey, it’s been a while since I’ve seen you,” Negan breathed out, wincing when he pulled himself up from the cot. It had been a long time since he had actually moved from the position he was in. He just didn’t have the energy or motivation to get up. “I didn’t think you were here anymore. I thought you left me.”

Something looked different from the expression on her face. It made him uncomfortable when he pushed his hands into his pockets, “I’m glad you didn’t. It’s nice hearing your voice.”

“It’s time Negan,” she repeated what she said beforehand drawing him to let out a confused exhale.

“For what?” Negan’s nose wrinkled, his head dropping down as he tried to get a better look at her through the bars.

“You don’t need me anymore,” she claimed, her head tipping back just enough for their eyes to connect. It had a rush of fear flooding into his veins and he let out a panicked sound.

“I don’t need you anymore? That’s not true,” Negan immediately shook his head, his throat tensing up when he saw the sadness in her eyes. “Y/N, I need you more than ever. With Rick gone, no one talks to me. I don’t see the children anymore. I haven’t in years. You’re all I have.”

“You don’t want me Negan and quite frankly, I don’t want to be here anymore,” Y/N clarified, folding her arms out in front of her chest. Her confession caused Negan to let out a worried sound when he walked over to the cell door. “One look at what you thought was Lucille and she was all you could think about.”

“That’s what you’re leaving for?” Negan frowned, his fingers squeezing tighter around the bars when he felt a rush of fear flood his veins. “Yeah, I’ve been thinking about Lucille a lot lately, but it was just the cherry on top. I love you. I love you so much.”

“You never loved me, Negan. We both know that,” she suggested which had him pulling his body as close to the bars as possible. “After all the time I’ve spent inside of your head, I think I would know more than anyone that you never loved me. What we had? It wasn’t real.”

“I know I made you feel that way,” Negan began with a whimper, his chest aching thinking back on his past. “But that’s not true. I wish I could go back and do things over. Do them over the right way. My problem was that I loved two people in my life and I didn’t know how to handle it.”

“It’s always excuses Negan,” she hinted, but he dramatically shook his head again not wanting her to focus on that idea.

“I loved you. I loved you so much and I still love you,” Negan stressed, pressing his left hand in over the center of his chest. “Hurting you the way I did, it was so wrong. I know that. I did so much to let you down and I wish I could go back, but I swear to you I always fucking loved you.”

“You’ve tried killing yourself multiple times Negan. And like you said to Maggie, you want to be with your wife. You want to be with Lucille,” she pointed out what he had said to Maggie causing his face to drop and turn pale. “I think it’s time that we finally parted ways so I can move on. Because being here with you? It only makes me sad.”

“I’ve been making you sad for a long time and believe it or not, I understand it now,” Negan vowed, his voice breaking with the worry that she was being serious about this whole thing with leaving. “You told me how sad I made you when I left you for Lucille. How you never felt more alone. Maybe this is my punishment for that. I never thought about how much suffering you went through in being alone. I can’t remember the last time I was to myself before all of this. And I left you alone at eight months pregnant. And then you were alone every two weeks I took Evie.”

Her jaw flexed, emotions visibly flooding her features when she lowered her head, folded her arms in front of her chest and remained silent.

“I can’t handle being alone,” Negan decided, his remorse growing more the longer he spoke. “I never could. And you were always the person that made me feel the least alone. I never had to hide myself from you. You knew me. You knew all of me and you always accepted me. When we were together, I could always talk to you. I could always tell you how I felt because you listened. And you heard me. You never thought I was stupid. You never shamed me. You tried to help me. Not like Lucille. I always felt stupid when I talked to Lucille about how things were because…”

“You left me for Lucille,” she interrupted his thought process which had a long exhale falling from Negan. “You tell me all the time how much of a better lover I was. How you felt better with me. How I was the best lover. How we were the better duo. But I’ve never been enough for you. I never have Negan. Getting with me was you avoiding being alone. You didn’t love me. Maybe you grew to care, but I was a roof over your head. I kept your belly full and I gave you everything. I gave you everything and it still wasn’t enough.”

“I was greedy. I was selfish,” Negan whined, his words quiet as they fell from his lips. “It’s so hard being in a position where you love two people. Because half of you wants to be with one of them, but the other…”

“Negan, I love you. So much,” she began with a frown, interrupting him mid thought, “but I don’t believe anything that comes out of your mouth. Half of you didn’t want to be with me and half with her. All of you wanted to be with her because we both know that you loved Lucille more. We do. And pretending that you didn’t, it’s just you lying to me more and I hate it. No matter what you say, no matter how many times you say it – we both know that you would never pick me if you could go back. Every chance, you would pick Lucille. You would leave me alone in that house and nothing would stop you.”

Tipping his head down, Negan felt a lump growing in his throat. It always was hard because more than anything Y/N wanted to be endlessly loved by Negan. She wanted to be his number one, but there was always that thought that she loved him more than he loved her. And he could never say anything to correct that because she was the loyal one. She was the one that stayed dedicated to him throughout. She was the one that gave up everything for him. He never did that. And he knew that.

“You’re the only thing keeping me going,” Negan slurred, stating the first thing that was on his mind. Outstretching his hand, he attempted to reach out for her to touch her. At The Sanctuary, this vision of her scared the hell out of him. Back then he realized he was going fucking nuts though and he was afraid of it. Now he accepted it. And he meant it. She was the only thing that was keeping him going.

“And that was always the problem,” she frowned, pushing her hands into her pockets disappointing him that she wouldn’t accept the gesture. “I was always there to lift you up when you were feeling down. But what about me? Who was there to lift me up when I was down? Not you. No, you left me whenever you got what you wanted from me. I made you whole again and you left me the second you got the chance. Our children were all that I had.”

“Please don’t say these things,” Negan begged feeling incredible amounts of guilt hearing these things all over again. “I fucked up so much, I did. But those four years together? We were so happy. They were some of the best years of my life. And when you, when we…” Negan paused when he went to mention what happened to her when she was bit, it made him tremor because he didn’t want to actually stress the fact that she died. “After we got married, the two of us were good. You know that we were happy.”

“Was I?” she questioned and it had Negan’s lips parting, a shuddering breath falling from them at the thought that she still wasn’t happy. “Do you think you made me happy in that short time?”

“I gave you the one thing you always wanted,” Negan claimed, his eyebrows furrowing when she smirked and lowered her head. “More than anything, you wanted to be married to me. That’s what you always wanted. You wanted to be my wife.”

“I wanted you to love me as much as I loved you,” she corrected him, tears burning at her eyes when she couldn’t even stand to look at him in that moment. “That’s what I wanted more than anything Negan.”

“I…” Negan paused, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat when she lifted her head, her eyes narrowing out at him. “I tried.”

“And that was the problem,” she acknowledged letting out a long sigh, folding her arms out in front of her chest. “You tried, but you never did. I loved you more and you know that. I was your good luck charm Negan. Just like you always told me. And I was your compass. I led you to your happiness. And you?” she had to stop when her emotions got the best of her. “Well loving you led me to my grave.”

Hearing that broke Negan with his breathing labored when she stepped further back away from the jail cell, “I love you Negan. I’ve always loved you. I gave up myself in order to make you happy. And in a way it was my fault for sticking around as long as I did. I saw it in the way you looked at me. From the start I did,” she explained, sliding down onto the ground and resting her back against the wall. Staring down at her, Negan bit down on his bottom lip starting to realize that this was his way of punishing himself again. “You were just trying to force yourself to love me. I think you wanted to. And for a while you believed it. But I knew you were never truly mine. You were always Lucille’s. God, I just loved you so fucking much. You were the first person that made me feel like I wasn’t alone in this world. I had nothing and then suddenly I had everything. I knew better than to believe in happy endings. I was always destined to be miserable. Some people get lucky in life, that wasn’t me.”

“I don’t think you realize Y/N, but you were my happy ending,” Negan whispered, lowering down on the ground, still clasping tightly to the bars. “I could have had the perfect life. The life that I always wanted and more. Because you, you were everything right in this world. The sad thing is knowing that everything you’re saying, I know you believed. I was the one destined to be miserable because the moment I let you slip through my fingers I made the biggest mistake of my life. God proved that to me again and again. The problem was always me. Never you.”

Reasoning these things out loud, Negan’s tears burned at his eyes and he whimpered, “You asked one thing from me. And I couldn’t even give you that because I’m the poison,” Negan admitted, his throat tensing up when he let out a tremoring exhale. “Our children are parentless now because of my bad decisions. And now that you’re gone, I’m holding onto this memory of you. That was my problem, I could never fucking let you go. You always deserved better than me and I knew that.”

Squeezing his fingers tightly to the bars, Negan shook his head and let out a hiss, “You’re not real. You were never real. I’ve been doing to this vision of you what I did to Y/N the whole time she was alive. I kept her miserable and heart broken. When she was alive, I clung on just enough to make sure that she was always there because she was my safety net. The thing that made me feel protected. When the truth is that I should have been alone the whole time. Both Lucille and Y/N deserved better than me.”

Rocking where he was seated, Negan shook his head and noticed the way his vision of her stood slowly, “Even in death I can’t allow her peace because I always counted on her to be the person to fix me. To make me feel whole.”

Dropping back on the floor, Negan looked up at the ceiling and huffed loudly, “I would beg for you to stay, but I know you won’t. Because now more than ever I’m realizing I’m alone and I’m always going to be alone. And that’s my fucking fault. I would do anything to keep you here, but you were never here to begin with.”

For so long he was confused about the visions he was having of Y/N. But the longer he was here, the more he began to realize the image of Y/N was something that his brain conjured up in order to keep him from breaking. More than anything, he needed to have her in his life, so that’s what his brain did. He created a version of her to keep himself from breaking down.

“She would be so disappointed in the man that I remained and I know that. And now that I’m here, I’m too much of a chicken shit to kill myself even though more than anything I want to be with her and Lucille. But I’m scared. Scared of the unknown and it breaks me even more to know that the two people that made me feel the most alive are fucking gone. I deserve this. I deserve to be alone. After everything I did, this is my perfect ending.”

“I almost feel bad for you,” Negan heard the sound of his own voice and he lifted his head to see The Sanctuary version of himself standing before him at the bars. Great. Now he was seeing himself. He really was batshit. “You had a chance at a new life and you picked me. But that’s what you always did. You picked yourself first. Now look at you.”

Hearing the familiar whistle that he started with The Saviors, Negan tipped his head to the side to watch his vision of himself head over to his vision of Y/N, “Even being a figment of your imagination the girl is too afraid to leave you because of what you might become. The one thing that kept you grounded disappearing after this long? How are you gonna survive with her gone?”

Slamming his head back against the ground, Negan winced with his eyes squeezing shut. Hitting his head several more times had an aching pain growing there. It was so rough that he was certain another hit would knock him unconscious like he had done before.

Turning his head to the side Negan watched the image of Y/N fade before his eyes and he let out a cry, “She was never here to begin with.”

Everything hurt and he knew after this moment he would truly never see Y/N again. Letting out a roar of anger, Negan threw his head back one final time looking to escape his agony if only for a short amount of time. And with one final successful smack of his head against the concrete it led to him blacking out allowing the loneliness to finally engulf him.

----

The sound of something shattering pulled Negan from his slumber with his eyes snapping open. Frowning, Negan lifted his hand and ran it down over the front of his face. It had been quite some time since Rick went missing and the vision Negan had of Y/N finally left him. Sleeping was the only escape he truly got from reality. Mother nature was too cruel to take him from this world, so each day grew longer and lonelier. But he was living with it. With Rick gone, Negan had little to no interaction with the people of Alexandria.

Most days were spent with him lying on the floor of his cell listening. Many Alexandrians would come to his window to mock him. It was something that Rick’s presence had kept from happening, but now both adults and children poked fun at him. Day and night. But he just accepted his fate.

Thankfully the only people that seemed to come down to give him things were Gabriel and Siddiq so he was safe in that area but it didn’t stop people from threatening him through his window. Urging him to finish the job with trying to kill himself.

After Rick went missing and was assumed dead, it just didn’t matter anymore to people. Rick wasn’t there to preach about his goodness and why Negan was there. He was pretty certain that the only reason he was still alive was for Michonne to honor Rick in her own way. But she really didn’t like coming near him either. And he didn’t blame her. There were no doubts that the sight of him likely brought back bad memories for her.

Disappointment flooded Negan’s veins every time he woke up because it just proved another day unsuccessful at Negan finally getting what he wanted in being dead. Never did he pick up eating again. There was no sense in it. His body was suffering. Both physically and mentally, but it was better in his opinion to go out this way than to allow himself to suffer longer. Eating meant more years spent to himself. If he withered away, then maybe one day he would be allowed the gift of no longer being here. Because killing himself wasn’t an option. The best he got out of his attempts was just a headache or a sore throat. So starving himself became a new thing for him. Really, he didn’t even crave food anymore. There was an ache in his stomach, but his body came to terms with how things really were.

Grumbling to himself, Negan rolled off the cot he was laying on allowing his body to smack up against the floor. Gabriel was trying hard to get Negan to eat, but he was failing. Depression ate away at Negan once he finally realized that he lost everything. He was never leaving this place. He was never seeing his children again and he would never escape his own thoughts. Although, he did have to give credit to Gabriel’s persistence. He was trying. He kept trying. But nothing was really working.

Groaning out, Negan heard the sound of the door being very slowly pulled open and he huffed, “Gabey boy, I don’t know what you’re coming down here with now, but I want none of it. So just leave me alone.”

Silence followed along with the door closing and Negan rolled on his side to look at the door. His eyes weren’t adjusted yet, but the silhouette was different. Narrowing his eyes, he saw that the smaller frame was frozen in place.

“Daddy?” hearing the faint voice had Negan scrambling to get to his knees, swiftly crawling to the bars of his cell when the dark figure stepped forward into the light that was showing through the cracks in his window. Finally seeing Evie’s face had Negan letting out a tremoring breath.

“Evie?” Negan muttered her name, a whimper falling from his throat at the sight of her. It had been over two years since he had seen her, but he could see the worry in her eyes while she stared out at him. Fear started to set in. What if this was a vision he was creating of her. She was older, but it wasn’t that hard to imagine what she would look like older for him. “Is that really you?”

Nodding, it didn’t look like she knew what to say while she stood a good distance away from him. Waving his hand, he urged her to him, but she looked back at the door almost worried that someone would come and find them.

“Let me see you,” Negan begged, his voice cracking when she stepped in closer to his cell. Once she was close enough he lifted up on his knees and outstretched his shaky palm. At first it seemed like she was nervous for him to touch her before Negan palmed in over the side of her young features. By the warmth against his palm, he could tell that this was real and not another one of his visions. “It’s really you baby girl.”

As soon as realization set in, tears started to fall from Negan’s eyes, “Look at you. You’re so beautiful. You got so tall.”

Closing her eyes, Evie leaned into Negan’s touch and let out a tremoring breath. Tears were burning at Negan’s flesh having her there with him. It was the first time that he was able to touch someone in so long and he never thought he would be able to see either of his children again, “Evie, I’m so sorry. I’m so very sorry.”

Starting to sob, Negan saw her hazel eyes flutter to an open and she stepped in closer to his cell, “I was so mean the last time we saw each other. Everything I said back then, I was so wrong. The problem was never you, it was always me. You are perfect. In every way possible. And I’ve always been so proud of you. I love you so much and I should have listened to you all along. I’m so sorry.”

Setting her bag down at her side, Evie uneasily lifted her hand to curl her fingers around Negan’s wrist. Her fingers squeezed at his wrist and he let out another whimper having the gentle caress of her touch over his flesh.

“You need to know that I love you,” Negan was desperate to get everything out all at once. “What I said was just me angry and I was a mess. You’re the best thing I’ve ever done with my life.”

“You don’t mean that,” she frowned and Negan immediately shook his head, outstretching his other hand to cup her face in his hands lovingly.

“I do mean that. I mean that so much. I never wanted something more in my life,” Negan hushed her, his thumbs sweeping over her cheeks. “When I told you that you were daddy’s little dream come true, I meant it. You mean everything to me Evie. I love you so much. And no matter what happens in the future, I need you to know that. You were always the best of me. Daddy just made so many bad, very poor decisions and you should have always been the first thing on my list.”

Hearing the sound of her crying broke his heart and he knew that he shouldn’t have been unloading on her like this, but he needed to get this all out before she left because he didn’t know how much time he had left with her, “You were taking care of me back at The Sanctuary and you should have never had to do that. I let my emotions eat me whole and I never meant the negative things that I said. Truth is? I’ve never been a good enough father to you. You deserved so much better than me and I know that. Both you and your mother. But I don’t regret having you. I love you more than anything.”

Getting up onto his feet, Negan pulled her closer to the cell and did his best to hug her. It was uncomfortable and it wasn’t exactly a real hug, but he was holding her as best as he could. Pressing a loving kiss to her forehead, Negan exhaled loudly and wondered if he was dreaming.

“How are you here?” Negan wondered, his words vibrating against her skin with her head resting against the center of his chest. “Did they let you come in here?”

“People have been too busy with other things,” she explained, tipping her head back. Her tears had soaked at his shirt and with those that were left he lifted his hand to swipe at them with his thumb. “I saw that no one has been on your door for a while the last few days. They come for your meals, but other than that, no one. I made sure it was the same way for a while before I took my chance.”

“My smart, brave little girl,” Negan brushed his fingers through her dark hair and let out a shuddering breath. “I never thought I would see you again.”

“I thought the same thing,” she explained with a broken sound, her eyes showing the sadness that lingered in them. Looking him over, she let out a worried breath and shook her head. “You’re so skinny.”

“Hey, don’t worry about me,” Negan hushed her, offering up a weak smile. He could only imagine how awful he looked right now. Even though he assured her to not worry about him, he could see by the way that she was eyeing him over that she was shocked by his appearance.

“Daddy…” her bottom lip tremored, but Negan tried to get her to look him in the eyes so she wouldn’t worry about him.

“Are they taking care of you?” Negan questioned, his hands shaking with him still having a hard time believing that she was actually standing there before him.

“As well as strangers can,” Evie was honest, with a tip of her head. “They aren’t like you or mommy. But they try.”

“That’s good,” Negan nodded his head about, his heart hammering in his chest. The sound of footsteps was heard and Negan motioned her to be quiet. They both waited in panic for someone to find her down there, but after they waited a minute or so they realized that they were safe.

“I’ve heard things,” she began, something changing in her expression when she eyed Negan over. He knew that he had to look very different to her. Hell, he had dropped so much weight and he had never had a beard this big when he was around her or his hair this short. “Lots of things.”

“I…I don’t know what you’ve heard, but I’m sure by now you know that daddy isn’t the best of men,” Negan contemplated whatever it was she was speaking about, but he knew that he couldn’t hide the things that he had done from her. “I’ve done some really horrible things…”

“I know,” she confessed with a loud sigh and there was a sense of disappointment that flooded over her young features. “But that’s not why I’m here. I…heard you tried to kill yourself. A few times. And that you aren’t eating…”

“You…” Negan’s words came to a stop when he realized that his daughter knew what he had done leaving him feeling ashamed. Evie was young, but not young enough to not understand the things that he had done. The things that he was doing. “I was really sad Evie. I was in a dark place and I didn’t think there was anything else for me to do. It’s hard for me to see the point even now.”

“You can’t do that,” Evie firmly stated with a small frown when she reached for her bag. Leaving him for a minute had him letting out a panicked breath because he wasn’t ready to let her go just yet. Unzipping the bag, she pulled out a small container and she held it in front of him. Getting the lid off of it, he saw that there was a cupcake inside of it along with a few cookies. “Ms. Carol made these for me and I asked her if I could have a few before tonight.”

“Tonight?” Negan’s eyebrow arched in curiosity.

“It’s my birthday today,” she announced, her bottom lip tremoring when he let out a sharp exhale. “I turn thirteen today. She’s been really good to both Nathan and I. Making things for us when it was our birthdays.”

“Oh baby,” Negan outstretched his hand letting out a tremoring breath at the idea that it was her birthday. “Thirteen? Geez. Where has the time gone? I’m sorry. I didn’t know what day it was down here. Happy birthday baby girl.”

“Thanks,” she didn’t say much, she just half smiled and nodded down toward the container that she brought. “I wanted to give these to you. So you have something to eat that’s good. I don’t know what they are feeding you here.”

“Oh honey, I can’t take your food,” Negan denied, shaking his head in response, but she pushed them into his lower abdomen. “Baby, they are for your birthday. And they shouldn’t be wasted on me because they were made for you.”

“Dad, please,” she begged seeing the expression changing behind Negan’s eyes. “They said you weren’t eating. Please eat them for me. I know you don’t want to be here, but I can’t lose you. Knowing that you are here and not being able to see you is better than knowing that you are gone forever like mom. So please…stop trying to kill yourself and eat. For me.”

Hearing her begging him to eat had Negan’s arms dropping down at his sides, his jaw flexing when she started breaking down into tears, “Please. Please eat.”

“Okay baby,” Negan cried in return, shakily reaching out to grab one of the cookies that she brought. Taking a small bite had her lowering her head and he cleared his throat when he swallowed it down. When she looked to him again, he took another bite and she whimpered.

“Promise me you won’t do it again,” she spoke in a desperate tone having Negan’s whole body tensing up. “If you really love me and you mean all the things that you said, promise me that you won’t try to kill yourself again. Promise me that you will start eating.”

Everything tightened up and it felt like all the air left his lungs with his daughter sobbing before him. Taking the container from her hand, Negan set it down on the ground and pulled her closer to him again so he could hold her with her sobbing against the center of his chest. He couldn’t imagine it was very comfortable for her doing this through the bars of his cell door, but they were doing their best.

“I know you hate it here, but you can’t die,” she declared and it had Negan’s heart-breaking hearing her breaking down at the idea of him dying. Her palm pushed into the center of his chest, her head tipping back up to stare up at him with misery in her eyes. “Promise me.”

“I promise,” Negan assured her finally, nuzzling his nose in against the top of her head. “I promise you I won’t hurt myself again and I will start eating.”

“Do you mean it?” she dropped her head back to look up at him with tears in her eyes again. “I already lost mom and I can’t lose you too. I don’t care what happened or how mad I’ve been at you. You can’t die on me. You can’t die on us. We need you.”

“I mean it,” Negan pulled her in toward him again caressing his fingers against the back of her neck while she calmed down. There were a lot of tears. So much in fact that he was worried people would hear them, but thankfully they never did. It took a while, but by the time that they both relaxed, they were sitting on the ground next to each other. They both had their backs against the wall with the cell bars between them. Negan was eating one of the cookies while they sat in silence. It was hard to eat, but he was forcing himself to eat for her. After so long with nothing in his stomach, it didn’t feel great finally eating something down. Plus the cookies were dry, but he was doing his best to appease her. “So…you’re thirteen, huh?”

“Yeah,” she smirked, sliding her palm beneath the cell bars. Her fingers hooked with Negan’s and it took his breath away. Squeezing her fingers tighter with his, Negan tipped his head back and stared out at her for a long moment. “How does it feel to be an old fart?”

“I mean it feels exactly like that,” Negan snorted hearing her giggle and he reached up with his free hand to stroke down over his longer beard. “I probably look like an old fart with this. I need to shave it.”

“I think so,” she agreed with him, nodding toward the container that she gave him. “You should eat the cupcake.”

“Only if you split it with me,” Negan muttered getting a glare in response, but he didn’t care. “It only feels right to have a cake with my daughter on her birthday.”

“Fine,” she grumbled watching Negan shakily break the cupcake in half before being careful in the way that he handed her over the other half of the cupcake. Watching her take a bite made him smile before he uneasily lifted his half to take a similar sized bite.

There was silence between them which upset Negan. There was so much he wanted to say but he didn’t want to overwhelm her with all the things that he was thinking.

“Do you remember when we went to Disney?” Negan finally spoke uneasily taking another bite of the cupcake she gave him. He was actually surprised that Carol made it taste as good as she did with each bite he took.

“Of course,” she smirked noticing that Negan was staring at her. “Why?”

“Just with it being your birthday, it got me thinking about that. It’s just one of my favorite memories. That whole trip was,” Negan explained with a crack of a smile tugging at his lips. “You had so much energy. You kept going and going. I didn’t know how I was gonna keep up with you, but it was amazing.”

“It’s when I gave you that locket,” she pointed toward his neck and he frowned. His long eyelashes fluttered and he had to force himself to look away from her. “What?”

“Uhm, they took it from me when I got here,” Negan responded seeing the upset expression that she gave when she swallowed down hard. “They took the locket and my bracelet when I was unconscious. I don’t know why. I think they thought I would use it as a weapon or something to escape.”

“Would you?” she inquired, her eyebrow arching in curiosity and he shook his head. “Then why didn’t they give it to you?”

“Because I’m not a good man Evie,” Negan reminded her with a frown, hating to admit that to her, but it was the best way he could explain things to her. “They don’t trust me.”

“How can I help you?” Evie blurt out finishing with her last bite of the cupcake that Negan had given her.

“You just being here has helped me more than you will ever know,” Negan assured her with a wink realizing that he felt so incredibly lucky to spend this time with Evie when he thought he was never going to see her again. “Just getting to be with you on your birthday? That’s a dream come true for me. I never thought I would see you again and here you are.”

“I mean escape,” she breathed out and it made Negan immediately shake his head. Hearing that scared him because he didn’t want the people in Alexandria to hear that. By how they mocked him at his window, he was worried that if they heard her say that they would hurt her. “You can’t stay here like this.”

“I can and I will,” Negan concluded, wiping at his bottom lip after he finished the cupcake. “I don’t want you to do anything to try to get me out of here. You and your brother are safe here. You have people taking care of you. They are feeding you. You look good. I can’t have you risk getting hurt trying to get me out of here. I won’t allow that to happen.”

“But Nathan and I should be with you,” she stressed, her face scrunching up and she shook her head. His answer upset her, but he didn’t care. At least in this situation he knew that she would be safe. The last thing he wanted was to put her in harm’s way. “We are meant to be with you, not these people.”

“You are always with me Evie,” Negan insisted outstretching his hand to place it over hers to give it a firm squeeze. “I’m right here. We’re together even though we’re apart. You don’t know how people will react toward me or you if they think I’m gonna try to break out. So don’t do that.”

“But this is wrong daddy,” she was upset that he didn’t want her helping him, but it panicked him to think what people would do if they ever heard this kind of discussion. “We should be together.”

“I did this to myself Evie. And I’m sorry I put your brother and you in this position,” Negan apologized, turning to face her while keeping his fingers hooked with hers. “But this is the way things have to be. Or else we could be in danger. I don’t know what’s out there.”

“The farm,” she began and Negan hushed her, looking up toward the window that was in his cell. “It could still be good.”

“But we don’t know that,” Negan responded with a long sigh, his eyebrows furrowing in frustration toward himself that he allowed her to even begin to think that escaping was an option. It wasn’t. “Even now, I don’t know if you’re gonna be able to sneak in here to see me again. Which is why I need to stress to you how much this means to me. To be able to see you? It’s been amazing. And I love you so fucking much.”

“I don’t want this to be the last time I see you,” she whimpered and it broke his heart to hear her say it like she did. After all he did and said, to see that she still felt this way made him feel like the luckiest man in the world. “I’m upset with you, but you’re my dad and I love you.”

“And I love you,” Negan winked, a tired smile tugging at his lips. Of course there were going to be hurt feelings, but just having her tell him that she loved him? That’s all he needed to hear and more. More than anything he had to protect her and if it meant getting his shit back together, then he would. Because the last thing he needed was her putting herself in harm’s way. “But I made a promise to you. I won’t hurt myself and I will start eating again. For you. Okay?”

“Okay,” she didn’t know what else to say with Negan pushing his hands between the bars to capture her jaw between his thumb and index finger. It made her smile with the way he stared out at her. “I love you.”

“I love you more,” Negan winked, sweeping his thumb over her jawline before sighing loudly. Pressing his forehead against hers through the opening of the bars, Negan let out a tremoring breath realizing how much he missed his daughter. “Your mother would be so proud of you.”

A hurt exhale fell from her lips when she lowered her head. What he said seemed to upset her and she bit down on her bottom lip. Looking back to her bag, she slid away from Negan and he almost reached for her to keep her where she was, but he didn’t want to force her to stay there. If she wanted to leave, that was her right. Instead of leaving, she opened the bag and grabbed something from inside of it. Sliding it underneath the cell bars had Negan’s eyes follow the movement and he reached out to grab it. Noticing that it was a piece of paper, Negan unfolded it and when he saw what it was he let out a tense breath realizing that Evie was obviously drawing him and Y/N together from the photo that he had kept with him at The Sanctuary.

“I kept the photos that you had. I found your jacket that they had here and I pulled them out so I wouldn’t forget what you or mom looked like,” she confessed, her face scrunching up when she realized that Negan started to cry again over the drawing that she had done. There were faint footsteps, so she remained quiet for a moment before speaking up again. With a trembling hand, Negan pulled the drawing closer to his face and smiled. “I don’t want you to forget her face either.”

“Thank you,” Negan felt the warmth of his tears sliding down his face. Folding the paper back up, he stuck it in his pocket and realized that he would have to find a way to hide it so no one knew that Evie had been here. “I’ll keep this safely with me.”

“You’re not upset with me taking the photos, are you?” she wondered pulling her knees to her chest when she sat before him on the ground. “I know that they were yours, but I wanted them after they told me that I would never see you again. They were cleaning out this area, I saw your jacket and I just took them before they could see.”

“You really are your father’s daughter,” Negan winked which made her smile when he acknowledged her quick hands. “You know I would never be mad at you for that. I’m glad that you have them and they aren’t withering away somewhere. Although…”

“What?” Evie tipped her head to the side and looked curious to what he was about to say.

“Did you see the locket and the bracelet?” Negan inquired, his thick eyebrows bouncing up when he brought up the things that he had mentioned to Rick a while back. “They took everything from me when I first got here.”

“No,” she shook her head and Negan let out a disappointed breath. “Why?”

“Why?” Negan cracked a smile, placing his hand in over the center of his chest. “Because I don’t want to forget your face either. That locket belongs here. It’s where it was always meant to be. And the bracelet? The bracelet connects me to you and your mother.”

“And you want to be close to us?” Evie muttered, her features showing clear confusion and he nodded his head. “You actually want those things?”

“Of course I want those things,” Negan slid in closer to her, stretching his hand out to brush her hair away from her eyes. “I never said it enough, but you are everything to me Evie. I should have told your mother that more often too when she was here. How amazing she was. How she was everything and more. You both were. You still are.”

“I’m sorry I let you down,” Evie lowered her head leaving Negan to let out a heavy exhale feeling as if he had just been kicked in the gut.

“No! No, Evie. You never let me down. I let you down,” Negan asserted, his throat tensing up and the vein at the side of his neck slightly bulging. “Listen to me. There was never anything wrong with you. If anything I am so…so proud of you. Please never think anything else. I’m not a good man Evie, I never was and I’m sorry I couldn’t be the best version of myself for you. I should have been the best of me for you. I let you down. Not the other way around.”

There were the tears again. They both wanted to say so much but it sounded like things were getting busy outside the window and Evie lowered her head allowing Negan to pull her in closer so he could press a kiss over her forehead.

“I should probably leave before people start getting back and someone realizes I’m here,” she grew disappointed, slowly pulling herself up from the floor and he did the same, having some trouble with his back when he did. Dumping out the rest of the cookies on his bed, Negan handed her over the container and gave her a wink. “I really do love you daddy. No matter how much I’ve been hurt, I still love you.”

“And I’m the luckiest man in the world to know that you still love me and that I’m your dad,” Negan tremored, reaching out to brush her dark hair out of her eyes once more. “I love you so much Evie. Never forget that.”

Bringing her in close one more time, Negan let a kiss linger over her forehead before allowing her to step back. When she stopped at the door, she reached for the knob and looked back at Negan with something different in her eyes.

Heading back toward Negan, Evie noticed that Negan’s breathing grew louder. Reaching up, Evie grabbed something that was around her neck. Pulling it up carefully, she got it over her head before extending it out before Negan. A shuddering breath fell from Negan’s lips when he saw that it was his locket that Evie had given him. The rings he had there were still on it and it surprised him to see that she had it.

“I didn’t think you originally wanted these. I’m sorry I lied to you,” Evie apologized holding out the locket further allowing Negan to accept it in his tremoring fingers. Once the light hit it, the design shined brightly. Shaking through every movement, Negan managed to open up the locket. A smile tugged at his tired features when he saw the photos inside. “I took these too when I found your jacket. I didn’t know if I would ever see you again and they…they smelled like your cologne still. It was the closest thing to being near you without stealing the jacket. I know I couldn’t get away with that.”

Closing the locket, Negan looked at the rings and stroked his fingers over the one he had given Y/N when they got married, “Your mother wanted me to give you this ring to remember her by. I should have given it to you, but I just…”

“You couldn’t let her go,” Evie finished for him drawing Negan’s eyes to lift up to hers and he realized they were both still crying but trying to get through everything. “I get it. That’s meant to be with you. It was always meant to be with you.”

Stepping forward, Evie’s hands placed over his wrist and she urged them up for Negan to put the locket back on allowing it to rest at the center of his chest where it had been previously, “Don’t lose it this time, okay?”

“I promise,” Negan cried seeing her pushing up the sleeve of her jacket to roll down the bracelet that was his. Handing it over to him had him swallowing down hard. “Are you sure? You don’t want this to keep you safe?”

“You need it. So that way you know that I still need you here,” Evie grabbed his wrist and pushed the bracelet back over his arm. Stroking her fingers over the back of Negan’s hand had him exhaling loudly. “I love you daddy. And if I never see you again, I hope you realize how much I still need you. How much Nathan still needs you.”

“I love you so much,” Negan realized that this was their final goodbye and it broke him to think that he may never see her again. Stepping forward, he pulled her in so he could do his best to squeeze her tightly to him. “You were always the best of me and your mother. And your mother? She will always live on through you. I hope you know that. She would be so very proud of you.”

When Evie stepped away from him, he could see that she was sad, but she sucked in a sharp breath of air and nodded her head slowly. Staring out at Negan, she let her fingers slowly slip from his and she headed for the door.

Watching her leave was hard. Nothing hurt more since being here than watching Evie leave the room. At first he did his best to try to hold it together, but the longer she was away, the sadder he grew leaving him a sobbing mess on his cot. After everything he’d been through, he missed her so much and getting that small amount of time with her made him realize just how much he wanted her in his life.

-----

Tags: @slutlanna976 @fuckthis-and-fuckthat @jennydehavilland @felicity291 @ibelongtonegan

@smallsadjellyfish @labyrinthofheartagrams @msjamesmarch @thebeautysurrounds @hotfornegan

@redmercysugar @caprithebunny @tuttifuckinfruitty @emoryhemsworth @a-girl-interupted

@akumune @stoneyggirl2 @xsarcasticwriterx @haleygreen23 @xhannahbananax03

@sanctuaryforthelost @burningredaffair @killaweiser @dead-of-niight @ayumi-wolf

@neganswoman @ravenrose18

#Negan #Negan fanfiction #The Walking Dead #Jeffrey Dean Morgan #Negan Smith #twd fanfiction #negan x reader #negan x you

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linkspooky · 1 year ago

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Hey! sorry to bother you but after your jjk break down i wanted to know what you think about Shoko and her role in the story. I'm just not sure where to put her narratively.

This is going to be a brief answer, but I believe for her limited screen time she still has an important role in the story and it's the same role she plays in the S / S / S trio. Shoko is the adult, as evidenced here by how she's the only one who undercuts Geto's dramatic monologue to point out how childish he's acting. Unlike Gojo who can't get through to Geto whatsoever, Shoko underlines his problem in one sentence. Geto thinks that he's growing up by finding his purpose in deciding to become an extremist, but Shoko calls him out and says he's actually regressing as a person.

Jujutsu Kaisen is a story about children growing into adulthood, and there's a reason that Shoko is the only person in her class to actually reach adulthood. It's because unlike Gojo and Geto who were eternally trapped in their "springtime of youth" and failed to ever adjust to the trauma they experienced in that youth Shoko grew up.

A character who doesn't grow in a story is as good as dead. Gojo had a character arc, but looking back from beginning to end it almost seems like his death against Sukuna was inevitable because he never learned who he was outside of being the strongest, and he never moved past Geto's death in any real way and tried to make connections with other people.

It's something even Shoko of all people was able to see that Gojo wasn't. That for all of Gojo's claims of being alone, not only did he have Shoko by his side all along, but he also has an entire group of students who he was responsible for who were all relying on him. Gojo could have continued living for them instead of going out in a blaze of glory against Sukuna, but he wasn't able to see all the people in his life until it was too late. He kept on being blind to them because he was trapped in the mindset of his youth that he was too powerful to be understood by anyone and then never grew past that.

Shoko is one of the few teachers left alive at Jujutsu High and that's not a coincidence. Nanami's death is deliberately tragic because he was unable to protect people properly as a sorcerer the system was against him. Shoko's not a fighter on the front lines however, she's a doctor who exists sort of outside that system. Yaga was killed by Gakuganji as well. Haibara died an unfortunate victim in his youth. Geto defected because he was unable to grow up, and Gojo goes out dying against Sukuna in a battle to see who's strongest.

The only teachers who are alive are Kusakabe who's a minor character, Utahime who is the only other adult who shows concern for her students, and Mei Mei. I doubt Mei Mei is going to survive either considering she's the game master (this is just my theory but watch I'm correct).

Which leaves Shoko and Utahime who are both adults, and who also have a much more functional friendship that explicitly parallels Geto and Gojo's. There's a reason Gojo's death dream reverts him back to seventeen years old again, because in a way he didn't grow significantly since that time. Nanami, Gojo, Geto they were all unable to leave the regrets of their youth behind so the last we see them in the imaginary afterlife they are seventeen because that's the time they failed to move past.

Shoko grew up. She and Utahime are the only ones who were able to grow up, and because of that they ended up leaving a lot of their friends behind. I think Megumi and Shoko will parallel each other in the end of Gege decides to stick with his plan of three of the four dieand one lives. Megumi the child that needs to grow up, will be the only one of his friends to reach adulthood just like Shoko.

It will be bittersweet because Megumi won't have his friends with him, but unlike Gojo who was trapped in the past forever, life will go on for Megumi and he'll be able to live with all those losses.

#metasks #askspookies #ieri shoko #shoko ieiri

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astheworldgoesonitswickedway · 3 months ago

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I made mention of how, as Olaf begins to associate himself with the Baudelaires, they do the same and begin to wonder if they are becoming evil like him. Well, we know that's not the case but lets talk about the way even "noble" V.F.D. treats them in the Penultimate Peril. Not that he is V.F.D. but Poe completely turns on them. I'm so mad he basically told them "he should have anticipated them becoming killers because their parents died." We see Olaf is not the only one buying into the idea that he had no choice in what he became just because of what happened to him. All the noble members from the past are easily swayed by the words of Count Olaf of all people! Even Justice Strauss in my opinion betrays them. But Olaf was kind of right when he said V.F.D. did more to help him then his own hench people. Justice Strauss allowed them to be taken away when she knew it wasn't safe, ignored Klaus walking around with a giant bruise on his face (and they weren't hiding how he got it!) and married Violet to Olaf. Charles allowed Sir to abuse them, which was his own kind of neglectful abuse. Jerome walked away because he couldn't be bothered. Hector was too "non-confrontational" to do anything more than run away whether they could keep up or not. Monty never said a word about what was going on. And Kit was more than a little vague and unhelpful. She sent the kids into a ginormously complicated plot they couldn't hope to understand with cryptic suggestions and monumentally important tasks she didn't prepare them for. And this seems like a good time to mention the Baudelaire parent's mistake in never letting the kids in on what was going on. They had to have known their past could catch up with them. It was horribly unfair to leave that danger hanging over their lives and the lives of their children and not prepare them. In short, as an institution I think V.F.D. had good intentions towards the kids, but as individuals no one really cared enough to do what needed to be done to save them. There are exceptions of course but those exceptions all died trying :( V.F.D. was in many ways responsible for the things the kids had to do to survive, things they had to live with, and then they had the gall to blame them for it!! When in all honesty, most of the things they themselves had done, were actually worse than anything the Baudelaires did. I know it all circles back to the points being made, and how there is more than one form of abuse. The neglect, the blame, the gaslighting, the secrets, not that I'm one hundred percent against V.F.D. but again, as individuals, many of them abused the kids as well. It's just. The least they could have done was comforted and consoled the Baudelaires and stood up for them at the end. At the VERY least, they could have understood that just like the kids, they also unintentionally helped Olaf and hurt others. And then, oh my poor heart, there are a few times were it is insinuated the children feel they are not good enough for V.F.D., as if V.F.D. is better than them and somehow they would not measure up. And you know, as a parting note, I'll say that I just really wish some of the remaining V.F.D. members had been able to break the cycle and bring about the change really needed. Like Kit for example, she unlike some of the others was so well-intentioned and really cared. But she held on to the secrets and the codes and the way of life she knew. Which I get it, we are told she was in this since four years old, and come one, she was totally brainwashed. I think the Baudeleaires would have stood a better chance if that generation had been able to learn from their predecessors mistakes and change to suit post-schism V.F.D. and the children's needs.

#a series of unfortunate events #lemony snicket #count olaf #v.f.d.#violet baudelaire #klaus baudelaire #sunny baudelaire #asoue #kit snicket #the penultimate peril

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howdoyousleep3 · 4 months ago

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I would like to rant about motherhood and the awful things about it, read more bar is there if you don’t want to read it or engage with my rant. I don’t blame you if you want nothing to do with it, it’s more for me anyway lol

Never in my life have I ever felt so lonely and so depressed, just genuinely, at the core sad and alone.

I have people in my life, but I don’t have a village. My village is in shambles. It’s full of people who like to ask how I am, but don’t like to hear that I’m not well. The people I’ve reached out to got angry at me for reaching out, so I’ve just stopped reaching out. “I’m fine.” The people who have helped me with the girls fuck it up every fucking time, don’t listen to me or my wishes or my open anxieties. So, not only do I not share how I’m actually doing, now I don’t call on people to help me because it isn’t worth the trouble of them fucking up my children’s day-to-day life and schedule.

It’s impossible to not feel like a burden to others when their lives are unaffected, when they aren’t drowning like I am, when every aspect of their life hasn’t been greatly altered and twisted. I am not the same person I once was and I’ll never go back to her. I don’t know how to dress, I don’t know how to interact with people, I don’t know what my hobbies are. It’s hard to not feel like a bother when I’ve been this sad for this long.

No one understands if they haven’t done this before, if they haven’t become a mother. I understand what mothers before me were talking about when they told me motherhood is lonely. This is an experience that is so specific and can only be understood if you have experienced it. Another reason I don’t confide in others in my life— they don’t understand.

I’m so tired of the empty, “I’m sorry”s. I’m so tired of waking up and living the same day over and over. I’m so tired of my husband’s life being virtually unaffected by the birth of our girls while mine is so genuinely fucked up now.

I’m just so tired and so lonely and so sad.

And now Husband leaves in a week to start a new job three hours away and I’ll be staying here with the girls. Even more alone.

#personal #very personal #PPD #postpartum #yes I’m in therapy lol #thank god #yesterday and today have just been so hard #and it’s arguably been triggering lol #thanks for reading if you did #this shit is no joke #do not have children unless you’re ready to be as selfless as you possible can be #I’m so serious #parenthood is not for the weak #to be CONSTANTLY needed at every point of the day is going to force me into psychosis

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fkevin073 · 7 months ago

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hotd season 2 spoilers

brief thoughts on hots s2 ep 1!

okay, first and foremost let me say this: I love Alicent Hightower, and I love rhaenyra! for the most part, I really enjoyed episode 1, but I think one of the things that bothered me the most (and please don't jump down my throat), is the relationship between Alicent and Criston. Don't get me wrong, I am a rhaenicent shipper, but that's not why I'm bothered by alicole.

My issue is that the decision for Alicent to enter this sexual relationship with Criston Cole happened entirely off-camera. Like last we saw her, I did not think she would start sleeping with Criston almost immediately after Viserys died. We saw her with her son, almost about to be burned to death. Which, don't get me wrong, I think Viserys is a marital rapist and she deserves to explore sex in a safe, passionate, and entirely consensual way, but it didn't seem in character for Alicent in my eyes to just jump into this sexual relationship (and be so confident in it too) so quickly. Like this is a deeply repressed, lonely woman, who has never, not once, gotten anything close to an orgasm in her life in her life, and was married off to her best friend's decrepit dad who spent most of said marriage rotting, with her taking care of him.

I wanted to see her decide to have this sexual relationship. To embrace her sexual feelings for Criston Cole and learn how to navigate these newfound feelings of passion and desire. Alicent knows how to have sex in order to make children, but as we saw in season 1, she was a passive and unwilling actor in that. I wanted to see her transition from passive to active. If it had been a one year time jump, I would have understood, but the fact that it's been DAYS and suddenly her and criston are going at it like bunnies just seems fundamentally off.

I feel like it would have been better for the writers to show their 'first time' during this opening episode. How lonely she feels, how these feelings she's buried down are coming to the surface. Like the decision for Alicent of all people to have sex with someone outside of marriage (let alone for pleasure) feels monumental for the character, and we didn't even get to see it? It just strikes me as a weird writing choice.

I think the ending of ep 1 for Alicent would have been a lot more impactful if we saw these charged scenes with Criston within the first episode, culminating in them having sex for the first time, and then helaena comes in.

And also, about Criston... I think he's been done dirty by the writers. Like we saw him be so guilty about losing his honour by breaking his vows with Rhaenyra, and now he's breaking them easily without a second thought? like I know it's been years for them, but the most they've made his character is just being loyal to Alicent and blindly hating rhaenyra. give him more depth! screen time! dialogue! just my opinion. I think Fabien could do even greater things with him if they gave him the chance!

anyhow, the acting was still superb by everyone (Phia u have my heart) and I'm excited for the rest of the season :)

#hotd #hotd season 2 #alicent hightower #commentary #hotd s2 spoilers #team green #criston cole #house of the dragon #hbo

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random-imagines-blog · 9 months ago

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Love is a Place to Hide {Nicholas Garrigan x Spouse!Reader Oneshot}

Requested by: @groovyqueer Wordcount: 2320 Summary: After graduating medical school, you and your husband start making plans. Warnings: Light swearing, implied sexual acts.

The water was cold when it hit your skin, freezing even, making you gasp as you arose from it, hair sticking to your face. You heard a loud laugh beside you - your husband, Nicholas, shaking his head, water droplets flying everywhere. You couldn’t help but smile as well, seeing how happy he was. He must have seen the same thing in you since his grin was wide enough to just show the little tooth gap that he had on the left side of his mouth. “We made it, Nicky,” you said, swimming over to him in the lake, avoiding your other classmates. “We graduated. We’re actual Doctors now!”

“Dr and Dr Garrigan,” he said with a laugh, wrapping his arms around you underneath the water, bobbing up and down. The cold hardly seemed to bother him. You were forgetting about it also, feeling warm in his embrace instead. Your hand went to his shoulder to help keep you up, your wedding band twinkling in the pale sunlight. You had married young, during your second year of university, after only a year and a half of knowing one another. But when you know - you know. That’s what people say, and you understood it to be the truth. You looked into Nicholas’s adorable face, with his poofy hair, and his do-good attitude, and knew that he was the only man for you.

And now, now you were both Doctors, finished with Medical School, getting ready to make your mark on the world. “Now we just have to figure out exactly where we’re going to practice,” you said, kissing his wet cheek, making him blush. Even now, after the honeymoon phase was older, you were still able to bring that reaction out of him, and there was something beautiful about that. The way that the pink spread across his cheeks, his nose.

“I have a globe back at ‘ome,” he said, a mischievous grin on his face. “Why don’t we give it a spin? Wherever we land is wherever we go.”

You poked his cheek gently. “Within reason, Nicholas. We should have at least a quick look at current events before we go. I want to help people, but I also don’t want to go somewhere that’s really dangerous for us - is that a deal?”

“Alright, alright,” he said, rolling his eyes but he was still smiling at you. Giving into you, as he always did.

Dinner with his parents had been an awkward affair, as per usual. They never really approved of the marriage between you and Nicholas, simply because you were also in medical school. They thought that their son should be with someone that was more like his mother. A stay-at-home wife. Someone to give him lots of children and then spend all of their time watching them, cleaning the house, cooking roast dinners. You weren’t like that. You wanted to work, you wanted to help save lives, you wanted to make a difference, which was one of the major things that you and Nicholas ended up connecting on.

“Your mother and I are very proud of you, Nicholas,” His father said, pouring you all just a splash of sherry. He was a very reserved man, hardly taken to drink. Not like his son has. “And you too, y/n,” he said, as an afterthought.

“Very proud,” Nicholas’s mother smiled at the two of us. You put your hand on your husband’s thigh beneath the table, giving it a squeeze, smiling back at the older woman.

“Not quite as good a degree as mine...” His father continued. “-but a fine one nevertheless.”

You scoffed, unable to help yourself, and Nicholas laid his hand on top of yours. Nicholas’s mother shook her head slightly, used to this sort of pompousness from her husband. And Nicholas looked slightly disappointed. What boy didn’t want his father’s approval? And what father would compare his own degree to their child’s - especially after all those years of medical school? It hardly seemed fair.

“Being a family doctor..." Mr. Garrigan said, sitting down in his seat. “Well, let me tell you, Nicholas, you’ve chosen a fine life. If we’ll all raise our glasses - a toast.”

It took everything inside of you not to roll your eyes. But you picked up your glass and raised it, just as everyone else at the table had. “To father and son. And a long future together.”

“And to wives,” You added, right as you clinked glasses, looking at Mrs. Garrigan, who seemed to blush slightly at being included in the toast. “And to Doctors in general, shouldn’t we?”

“There’s three at the table now,” Nicholas said, looking at you with a grin. His father looked a bit shaken, bringing the glass to his lips without saying anything more. “Three doctors, in one family.”

“It’s wonderful,” Mrs. Garrigan said, probably patting her own husband’s knee under the table. You looked at Nicholas, making eye contact with his big, beautiful blues and winked. He knew that you had his back.

An hour later, you were in his room, sitting on the floor and going through some of his childhood things while he laid on the bed smoking. It was just a twin-size bed – small, and you couldn’t fit on it with him. He would be taking the guest room tonight, stretching out on the big bed by himself, which was still less comfortable than this one.

He surprised you by screaming. Well, more of a yell but it was still loud enough to make you jump, to turn your head away from the G.I. Joe Toys that you were examining to see what was with him. “Nicholas, are you alright in there?” His father’s voice came through.

“I’m fine,” He shouted back. He started to sit up. “I’m fine,” he said again, quietly.

“What a prick,” You sighed. “You know, he wouldn’t even have a job if it wasn’t for people like us. Family doctors, running tests on people, finding out the problems for him to go in and act like a hero. You know who is always in demand? Us. You know who would still have a job if we had shaky hands? Guess what! Us.”

Nicholas looked down at you and chuckled. “Tell me how you really feel about him.”

“Infuriates me. And also - we’re married, Nicholas. And they won’t even let us have the guest room together. They drove us to the airport on our honeymoon, they know that we-”

Nicholas laughed again and put his hand on your mouth, stopping you from saying something vulgar. “Say it any louder, and they won’t even let us be in a room together,” He teased. Then his eyes seemed to catch on to something, and he remembered the plan that he had come up with before. He got up from the bed and grabbed the globe, setting it on his nightstand beside the glass of whiskey that we had been sharing. “Okay, first place we land, we go,” he said.

You nodded, your heart beating quickly with anticipation. Were you really about to make a life changing decision by spinning a globe? Yes, you really were. This spontaneous side of Nicholas was something that you adored. Seeking adventure, even at the most inopportune times.

“This is terrifying,” you said, standing up pacing along behind him, looking over his head of wavy hair to the globe as he closed his eyes and gave it a spin. You almost couldn’t look yourself. But you also couldn’t look away. Round and round the globe went, until Nicholas put his finger on it, bringing it to a stop. You bent down over his shoulder to see the large country that was painted pink beneath his nail.

“Canada,” he said. He really didn’t sound sure about it. Actually sniffed his nose at it and then gave it another spin before you could stop him.

“Hey, first place we land, we go,” You argued.

‘But come on. It’s Canada. It’s basically like being in England,” he said, a look of disdain on his face, his finger stopping on the globe again.

“Oh, we are not going to Uganda,” you said, shaking your head. “There’s a civil war brewing there, I read about it in the papers. I know you want adventure but I’m not ready to be surrounded by guns.”

“This was a bad idea,” Nicholas sighed, falling back onto his ass on the floor, glaring at the globe like it was his fault.

“Actually - it’s not,” you said, brightening up. “You want adventure? You want to make a difference?” You could see that you had his attention with that, his blue eyes sparkling curiously. You moved the globe back to Canada and pointed towards the northern territories. “We go here.”

“And freeze our arses off?” Nicholas asked, raising an eyebrow. You sighed and rolled your eyes.

“Don’t worry, I’ll find a way to warm you back up,” you said, putting your arm around his shoulders, looking at the second largest country on the globe. “But think about it, Nick. There are people out there, people who don’t get access to healthcare usually. Or if they do, it’s really expensive. And not only that, but they also live a totally different lifestyle than we do, right? So, there’s the adventure. PLUS,” You added, looking at his unconvinced face. “- who doesn’t want to ride on a dogsled? Come on. Don’t tell me you’ve never thought about it.”

He sighed, the air blowing up, moving his brown bangs out of his face. You smiled, biting down on your lip, knowing that you had him. Knowing that you were slowly getting into his head with it all.

“We land, we go,” He finally agreed.

“We land, we go,” you said with a grin. “Besides, if it gets really cold - we’ll have to snuggle up close to one another for body heat, and that doesn’t sound bad at all, does it?”

Nicholas looked at you, and then to his small bed, a playful smile beginning to cross his face. “Bit nippy for late spring, dont’cha think?” He asked you. “Should we get started on practicing that now?”

You caught his line of thinking and instantly started to undress yourself, taking off your sweater. His hands were on your waist in seconds, one wrapping around it and the other helping to tug your shirt up over your head, his lips attaching themselves to your skin. Together, you crashed down onto the twin-sized bed, with just enough room if you two held one another close, which was exactly what you had planned to do for the rest of the night.

After getting your VISAs, making travel arrangements, finding a place to stay and making medical contacts in Yellowknife, you touched down in the Northwest Territories for the first time, the plane. It wasn’t the biggest airport you’ve ever been in, but it was still larger than you had thought it was going to be.

“It’s also said that Yellowknife is one of the best places to see the Aurora Borealis, can you imagine that?” You chattered happily, waiting for your bag. “We could just ... step outside and see one of the most beautiful things on earth."

“And if I ever wanted to freeze my bollocks off, I just have to open a window,” He mumbled. You had managed to talk him into the trip, to get him slightly enthused, but as soon as the colder-than-Scotland weather came around, he had turned almost into a child. You leaned in and kissed his cheek, then ran your fingers through his dark wavy hair.

“If they ever get cold, I’ll massage them back to life,” you told him with a smile. “Can you please just smile for me, love? We’re where not many people ever step foot. It’s almost like - we’re explorers, don’t you think?”

“Darling, light of my life,” Nicholas said, wrapping an arm around your waist. “I say this with all possible love. But you have to be one of the nerdiest people that I have ever met in my life.”

Your smile grew even wider with that. Of course you took that as a compliment. “And that’s what drew you to me in the first place, isn’t it? My supreme nerdiness and endless optimism?”

It was his turn to smile now, finally, showing off that small gap that he had in his teeth, your favorite little spot. One of the few features that reminded you that he was indeed human, and not some perfect figure of your imagination. The slightly bulbous nose, the tooth gap, the freckles, the way that he enjoyed taking his shirt off even when he wasn’t the most muscular fella around. All of these adorable things made up your husband - Nicholas Garrigan.

“Your face helps too. And your body isn’t too bad,” he said, his hand starting to tickle your side. You squeal a little and try to swat him away, but he just takes the opportunity to pull you in closer to him, looking at one another, your eyes completely caught. “But you’re right, as usual. I do love that brain of yours. And how you seem to be even more adventurous than I am. Only you could see snow and want to go out there, like someone trying to find the Northwest Passage.”

“And now aren’t you even happier that I got you to take those history electives?” You said, eyes glowing brightly in the harsh airport lighting. “Come on - getting married and navigating medical school was our first big adventure. This is only the next one.”

#Nicholas Garrigan #Nicholas Garrigan x reader #Nicholas Garrigan oneshot #The Last King of Scotland #The Last King of Scotland oneshot #movie #movie oneshots #x reader #oneshot #nicholasg

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lazycats-stuff · 1 year ago

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Ra's Al Ghul x male!reader

reader being the biological son of Bruce x ra's al ghul, the couple and the batfamily meeting their son from the future (the boy is a perfect mix of ra's and the reader) - original request

(S/N) - son's name

Summary: (Y/N) and Ra's meet their kid from the future. The batfam meets their sibling too, established relationship with Ra's and (Y/N), married couple

Warnings: fluff, (Y/N) and Ra's are in love with their son, Bruce is emotional over all of this,

Ra's and (Y/N) have been together for a long time now and (Y/N) was thinking about a lot of stuff. It wasn't anything bad or just negative in general, he was just thinking about his life. He never had any regrets about marrying Ra's.

Never has and never will have any regrets with marrying Ra's. That man treats him like royalty and as if he is the best thing that has happened to him. And sometimes it got overwhelming sometimes, getting a lot of gifts and although they did have meaning, (Y/N) didn't have any space left.

The thing he was thinking about a lot of recently was children. (Y/N) never thought that he ever want to have a child, he didn't want to bring a child into this evil world and maybe not in the League where there were assassins and just violence.

But the more he thought about it, the more it plagued his mind. Ra's noticed that something is happening with (Y/N), but he didn't want to push it. He will wait until (Y/N) comes to him and talks to him. If he doesn't, Ra's will ask him directly.

He noticed it a lot when (Y/N) started living with him at one of his numerous bases. He would get distracted and wouldn't hear him coming, although he didn't have to be on guard when living with Ra's, he often was.

Batman installed that in all of the Robins and Ra's installed it in Batman. It's a cycle.

But he often heard or sensed Ra's coming, especially when he was going for a back hug. (Y/N) would jump when he would wrap his arms around (Y/N)'s stomach and that was the first tattle sign.

Second one was he was a little bit moody and sometimes he just snapped randomly or he was just sarcastic. That's when (Y/N) would feel bad and just talk to Ra's.

But the more Ra's thought about, he thought that it would be better if he talked to his husband tonight. His husband was training with the rest of his assassins, claiming that he needed to hone his skills. Ra's liked this way of thinking.

And his people, although not really allowed to have an opinion about stuff, they liked (Y/N). They thought that he was going to be some sort snob or something, but he was the complete opposite. He was nice to all of the assassins and if he needed something, he always asked nicely.

Assassins liked him a lot and if one of them was accompanied (Y/N) somewhere as guards then they were going to lay their down life for him, despite being skilled.

Ra's walked to their bedroom, knowing that his beloved husband is in bed, probably reading his book he started a few days ago or talking to Bruce and the others over his laptop. He opened the door and smiled as he saw his husband wasn't even doing any of those things, but instead laid down with his upper body on the bed and his nether regions were covered by a towel. It was obvious that (Y/N) was in a shower.

Ra's smirked and (Y/N) sighed quietly, not even opening his eyes, hands, arms over his forehead.

" Ra's, I'm not in the mood. " (Y/N) mumbled and Ra's understood it immediately.

" Well, can you blame me for thinking it? Now, there is something I want to talk to you about. You are bothered by something and I want to help you. " Ra's said, sitting down next to (Y/N), hands cradling his face.

" I have been thinking about... " (Y/N) hesitated for the first time and Ra's was now worried for his husband. (Y/N) could always open up to him and Ra's wouldn't judge him at all.

" What's wrong habibi? " Ra's whispered and (Y/N) opened his eyes to look at Ra's.

" I have been thinking about having kids. " (Y/N) admitted, fears out in the open. Ra's has had many kids over the years and he has outlived them all. And (Y/N) remembered Talia and Damian. He didn't want his child to grow up like that. Sure, self defense is important, but still...

Ra's didn't have any reaction and that scared (Y/N). Ra's took (Y/N)'s hands into his own and gripped them.

" I didn't think about kids, but the thought of a family with you is making me happy and I didn't think you would want kids. But if that's something you want, then I will more than happy to oblige. "

" You are not saying it just to make me happy? " (Y/N) asked, voice cracking up from the emotions boiling over.

" No beloved. I mean it. " Ra's said, leaning down to kiss his husband, gently and softly, pouring reassurance into the kiss.

" We can talk more about in the morning when you are more rested. This is a serious topic. And also, we are having that mission with your family. "

(Y/N) groaned quietly as he sat up, holding onto the towel. " Yeah. I'm going to change and then go to bed. " (Y/N) said as he stood up, going to the wardrobe to get a fresh set of pajamas.

Ra's eyes followed him as he walked out of his vision. Finally, (Y/N) is now relaxed, just like he should be. His husband shouldn't have any stress.

The stupid mission was over. Thankfully. Nobody has been injured and everything they needed was recovered by them. Thank God. Ra's and (Y/N) have agreed to keep the PDA to a minimum when in the field. Nothing but a few lingering touches to make sure that the other one is okay.

" Well, this has been tiring. " (Y/N) started and everyone nodded. Everyone started to relax, just ready to go home. This entire process to get here was tiring and it took a toll on everyone involved.

" If that's all, we are going to go back to the base. " Ra's said, but Bruce tensed as he looked behind (Y/N)'s shoulders. The other reactions weren't so subtle.

(Y/N) turned around and Ra's pushed him behind him. Screw the protocol that they have set. (Y/N) and Ra's froze when they saw who it was there. It looked liked somebody took Ra's' and (Y/N)'s DNA and just put it into this kid.

The boy is a late teen and everyone could see whose kid it was, but nobody could believe it. (Y/N) and Ra's couldn't. (Y/N) felt a pull towards the boy and both the boy and (Y/N) moved closer to one another.

Ra's didn't do anything, but his hand was on the hilt of his blade. (Y/N) had no fear as he moved closer and the boy moved closer to him.

" Baba... Dad... " The boy said breathlessly and (Y/N) nearly passed out.

" Are you our son? " (Y/N) asked and Bruce nearly passed out. A grandson... Ra's eyes widened slightly as the realization sunk in.

" Yes. I came from the future, a mission gone wrong though. " The boy chuckled and (Y/N) had to wipe his eyes quickly.

" What's your name? " Ra's asked and (Y/N) observed the boy more closely. A truly perfect mix of genetics.

" (S/N). " (Y/N) looked back at his family, who were just as shocked and Bruce came forward to get a better look at his grandson.

" Hi grandpa. " (S/N) greeted Bruce and Bruce tilted his head. Jason snorted from behind.

" What went wrong on the mission? " Bruce asked, still serious.

" Hold up you, " (Y/N) said, turning his eyes back to his son. " I need some more information. "

" If this is about everyone, all of you are still alive and breathing. If that's something you are concerned about of course. " (S/N) said and (Y/N) sighed quietly.

" Okay. That's nice to know. " (Y/N) said.

" Who is your favorite uncle? " Jason asked and Dick turned his head quickly.

" Why is that your most pressing question? "

" Well, why not? I might as well know. " Jason said, shrugging his shoulders.

" I'm not allowed to say it. It will cause a big fight. " (S/N) said smirking and there was the signature Al Ghul smirk.

" Oh I can definitely see it. " (Y/N) mumbled and Ra's hummed in agreement.

" Now, I have so many questions and I don't even know where to begin. " (Y/N) admitted and Ra's was speechless. He was never speechless and honestly, there was nothing he could say. Nothing.

" I know how you feel dad. I remember when you were talking to me about this mission. " (S/N) added and Ra's and (Y/N) looked at one another.

" What? " (Y/N) asked and the boy shook his head with a soft smile. Now that is (Y/N)'s smile, a pure copy of it. It was obvious that it was something nice and happy, but it was obvious that he wouldn't tell them anything.

" Oh that's something for you both to figure it out. Now, I don't presume you can drop me off at the manor? " (S/N) said with a mischievous smile.

" Oh, he is definitely our son. " Ra's said eyes twinkling with pure amusement.

" That he is. "(Y/N) said and (S/N) turned his head to look to the side. Ra's and (Y/N) watched in interest.

" I didn't think that I would ever be here, meeting my family so young and without me. " (S/N) said that and (Y/N)'s fingers just twitched, he just wanted to hug him.

" Is it okay if I hug you? " (Y/N) asked softly and (S/N) didn't say anything as he walked closer, just wrapping himself around his father. (Y/N) hugged him tightly and (S/N) did so too. (Y/N) opened his arm to Ra's, who hugged his son too.

The batfamily watched the moment in silence.

" We have a nephew. " Jason said and Damian was shocked by the way that (S/N) looked like. A prefect copy. You can clearly see whose son he is.

" That we do. " Dick confirmed.

" And I have a grandson. " Bruce said as he brought all of his sons in a group hug. There were noises of surprise from all four of them, but Bruce didn't care. He felt a little bit sentimental now. He didn't think that he would have a grandson. He didn't even think that he would have sons too...

Oh, he is going to get emotional quickly. Everyone in this hug accepted this, knowing that Bruce needed this. It's not easy to hear that you have a grandson that came from the future. More so when you didn't think that your son thought about kids. And that kid is a pure copy of your son in law that is in older than you and your son.

But he has adjusted. And if he somehow got a grandkid... Well, that would be nice.

#dc comics #dc x male reader #x male reader #batfamily #ra's al ghul x male reader

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maybeiwasjustjade · 6 months ago

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Alicent and Aegon (+ Aemond and Helaena)

The best part about writing a fic that’s basically a redux of the whole Dance, is being able to dive into character relationships that the show either abandoned, or didn’t bother giving justice to. Alicent and Aegon’s relationship is just so messy and complex, especially because a lot of it stems from generational trauma. Their relationship (or lack thereof) is the definition of two things can be right and trauma isn’t mutually exclusive.

Alicent having a hard time loving and/or connecting with Aegon because of her trauma AND Aegon thinking his mother doesn’t love him and possibly resents her for it can both be true at the same time.

An abuse victim can also be an abuser.

Alicent may have her reasons for perhaps not being capable of being a loving mother to all her children, but the child feeling unloved is not his fault. Children are not extensions of their parents; they’re real people too

No child is raised by the same parent. Everyone has different experiences even with the same parent.

Aegon and Alicent really were doomed from the start. She was fifteen when she had him—conceived from marital rape, no love shared just duty and lust, an unwanted yet prayed for son—too young by half to be forced into her role. And it really is no surprise that she perhaps had such a hard time connecting with him, or even loving him beyond duty. She had him out of duty; firstborn sons belong to the realm, to their houses, and seldom their mother. Aegon was always meant to be Viserys’ son, not hers.

I think the only child that Alicent actually loves is Aemond (we don’t know anything about Daeron). Helaena, she’s fond of. Overprotective, because Helaena is a girl like her, and like her, she’s going to be forced into a role far too young, with children that will grow up alongside her. But Alicent never really understood Helaena and her quirks, so I don’t think she knows how to really love her either. And as a Dreamer, Helaena would always straddle that line between being her mother’s daughter, and unknowingly a Targaryen Dreamer.

Aemond, though, is Alicent’s through and through. He’s just like her, for all that he looks the most like Viserys. His rage, his anger, his inferiority and insecurity—he hides all of it under a cloak of piety and piousness and cold competence. In a perfect world where Alicent got to choose her own life, Aemond would be her first and only son. Him, she could pretend was a Tower , and not a Dragon.

Aegon is the complete opposite. Aegon is a reminder of everything Alicent hates and regrets and wishes never happened to her. Aegon is all dragon, and none of her. His birth signaled war, his mere existence a crime. The firstborn son who isn’t really the firstborn, because Aegon would never be Baelon. He’s not pious or respectable or cold; Aegon is wildfire ready to burn everything down for just even a shred of love. Because that’s the root of him, isn’t it? A son meant for the realm but was unwanted; a firstborn unclaimed by his own father. A mirror for his mother’s rage and pain.

Alicent loses everything to have him, and it never mattered at all. And then he had the audacity to be born the spitting image of her. She can’t hurt herself without hurting him or love him without causing herself pain, and he only ever wanted to be seen as himself, and still be loved.

(Which is why writing RARTS and ripple is so much fun. RARTS dives a little more into Aegon’s feelings as he grows up the least favorite child of both his parents, and all the many, many issues that comes with it. His mother’s face but Aemma’s hair and eyes. Forever the ghost that haunts Rhaenyra by being the perfect mix of everyone’s she’s ever loved and lost, in the body of the son she’ll never be.

Ripple plays a little more as a character study of Aegon in a world where he wasn’t born with all that strife and trauma attached to his shoulders. Rhaenyra would never be a son, but Aegon would never be Rhaenyra. So what would Aegon be like, in a world without those expectations bearing down on him like a second skin? His promiscuity and drinking seems to be a product of his trauma and need for love, so it’s kinda fun to see an Aegon who doesn’t do any of that while still trying to escape her duties (marriage))

#hotd #aegon ii targaryen #alicent hightower #aegon ii fanfic #team green #character study #tbf this just my interpretation of the characters #tgc’s aegon #thankfully we have that tag #and away from the fuckery condal and hess has created #jadefics

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cosmicjoke · 29 days ago

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AoT Short Stories, Various Observations:

So I'm just going to give a few, quick thoughts here on some more of the short stories from Vol. 4 of the AoT Short Stories collection.

First up is First Reading: Armin Arlert:

The story basically just revolves around Armin's memories of how he first learned to read, and discovering the book his grandfather owned about the outside world. I just want to make a quick observation here about how, once again, we see Armin's optimism continue to shine through, even in the face of their new situation regarding the world being their enemy.

"Armin now held in his hands the most important volume to humanity living within the walls- the writings that Eren's father left behind. They confronted him with a harsh reality, one that would have left them far better off if it had been a fabrication. At the same time, it drew Armin's interest as it would allow him to take one step closer to the dream of adventure he once had.

So Armin kept flipping to the next page, never taking a break from his reading. Not because he had been ordered to do so, but because he wished to know the truth. Armin's inquisitive nature had never changed from his childhood days. He had always held onto it, and by the time he realized, it had already transformed into a kind of conviction that gave him courage."

Once again, even in the face of insurmountable odds, Armin continues to dream and have hope in the world beyond and the possibility of getting to explore it. Again, it's that undying hope in Armin, and the purity of his dream, that underscores why he was the one that needed, in the end, to lead humanity.

Next up is First Lump: Historia Reiss:

This story revolves around Historia's memories of her childhood, ruminating on how it wasn't that the pain she'd been exposed to didn't bother her, but that she'd simply grown numb to it, and how the only time Frieda ever scolded her was when she went outside the fence of the farm she grew up on to retrieve an animal, and was assaulted by the village children, throwing rocks at her.

"This to the young girl was just a natural outcome.

... So it wasn't the pain or the rocks she feared-

'Aren't I always telling you not to go past the fence...?!'

It was the sight of her usually calm sister being overcome by a sudden change in attitude as she screamed like a woman possessed.

Historia now understood the kind of thoughts that controlled Frieda. There would be no pain as long as she didn't go outside. Not acting would mean never being hurt and living a life of tranquility. But for someone who didn't know pain...

... Not knowing pain can lead one down the wrong path. Just as she'd held a warped view on life, and like the way people once averted their eyes from cruel reality..."

What's interesting here is how aware Historia is of Frieda's thinking, of her trying to protect Histoira by instructing her to never leave the farm, so that she would never have to experience pain, but how aware she also is of how never knowing pain can lead one down "the wrong path". She's basically thinking here about how a refusal to act to spare oneself pain can lead to you down a bad road, and so she's aware of the negative reality of that. What makes this so ironic is that that's exactly what Historia ends up doing anyway. She ends up agreeing to stay quiet about Eren's plan in order to spare herself pain and sacrifice, as she thinks, averting her eyes from cruel reality. Historia betrays her own, moral conscience here for selfish gain. She knows what she should do, and instead she does exactly the opposite.

Next up is First Wings: Eren Yeager (Young)

This story is about Eren and Mikasa finding an injured, white bird on the outskirts of Shinganshina, and bringing to bird to Grisha to help it. Grisha explains that the birds color made it stand out in the natural world and, as a result, some other children likely threw rocks at it. Armin ends up asking after the bird, and this conversation ensues:

"'I heard my grandpa and Dr. Yeager talking. That's pretty rare, a white bird.'

'Is white unusual?'

'Um, how did it go again? I heard some animals are born looking different from others.'

He didn't know why, but Eren felt a kind of groundless sympathy with the bird under his protection when he heard this. Perhaps it was the kind of childish adoration that found value in merely being different."

Later, Eren asks Hannes to release the bird outside the walls, and he says:

'... This bird couldn't fly because it stood out and humans threw rocks at it, right? The same thing might happen again if we release it inside the Walls.'"

Hannes ends up doing as Eren asks, and Eren is under the belief that the bird made it and found freedom, leading him to sleep well that night. Later on, Hannes is talking to Grisha, and tells him that the bird was picked off almost immediately by a bird of prey. I think this entire thing really encapsulates what makes Eren such a tragic character. It's purely meant to foreshadow Eren's own fate. The bird is obviously meant to be Eren himself, born different from others, and unable to escape that reality. Eren's inability to escape his own nature is what drives him to do what he does, which in turn leads to his premature death. He strove so hard for an escape from what he viewed as his prison within the Walls, that he sealed his own demise. The tragedy in that lies in the fact that Eren, no matter what he did, was never going to find his place in the world, he was never going to find freedom, because his own nature simply made him incapable of ever, truly being free. He was always going to rail against the world, no matter the circumstances, because his very nature separated him from it.

Next up we have First Horsemanship Training: Erwin Smith:

This story revolves around Erwin's earliest days in the Training Corps, learning to ride horses while also being able to operate his ODM gear. There's a moment where, after he finally become adept at it, a fellow trainee falls off their horse and, after giving the fellow corpsman a rudimentary check, Erwin instead goes off to retrieve the horse that's run away. He ends up getting chewed out by their instructor for prioritizing the horse over his fellow trainee, and Erwin replies:

"'If a human gets injured, they can make it back on a horse. If a horse gets injured, though, we lose our method of running from the Titans.'

The words took for granted that he would be on a survey beyond the Walls, leaving his corpsmates dumbfounded."

Later, after he's become commander, not long before the mission to retake Maria, Erwin is speaking with Nile, and Nile says:

"'You were right, you know. We needed that horse to make it back alive. In fact, that's how you made it back, too.'

'There's no guarantee the same thing will happen next time.'

'You're always like that,' Nile said with a troubled laugh. 'Too calm when you're looking at the situation.'j

'You give me too much credit.'

It was Erwin's own desires, not a desire to do good, that had driven him to join the Survey Corps. Still, he couldn't blame Nile for saying this about him.

Erwin simply looked down, gazing at his one remaining clenched hand."

We really see the mounting intensity of Erwin's guilt and self-loathing here, really see how it's beginning to consume him. Nile is trying to point out the wisdom of Erwin's strategies, how they in fact have helped humanity and helped to save lives, but Nile's words only serve to make Erwin feel more like a fraud. He thinks how he can't blame Nile for saying what he has about him, because Erwin is starting to recognize how he's framed his efforts to realize his personal dream to his fellow soldiers as something more altruistic than what it actually was. He feels as though he's manipulated Nile into seeing him as a good leader, beholden to his duty, when that was never the case. It doesn't matter at this point to Erwin if his efforts really have served humanity and advanced their cause, because he's become aware that that cause was never his motivation. He's looking back on all these moments where he convinced others that his strategies and tactics, often executed through the sacrifice of soldier's lives, were for the greater good, when deep down, what he really cared about, and what he was hoping to advance, was his personal desires. This story really highlights what makes Erwin such a tragic figure. He just couldn't forgive himself for not being a perfect leader, for using other people's lives to accomplish a less than noble pursuit, even as the efforts he made did, in fact, help advance humanity's cause.

And the last one First Mediation: Marco Bott

This story revolves around Marco breaking up a fight between Eren and Jean, and conveying to the group afterward how he always wants to try and resolve issues through talking, rather than fighting, that being the reason nobody's ever seen him get into a fight. Everyone agrees such an ideal will serve Marco well in the interior as an MP, and that it's a good thing to be able to talk things out, rather than fight over them. We then cut to the moment when Reiner, Annie and Bertolt leave Marco to die.

"'We haven't even...'

Marco wrung the words out at the three figures as they grew distant in his clouded vision while his consciousness grew dim.

If we're both intelligent beings...

If we're both able to talk...

Then can't we come to some kind of understanding...

Hadn't they spent years together, too? Didn't they know what they each held dear, what they wanted to defend?

Why do people resort to violence? Why do people seek to eliminate what they can't understand?

People are tossed into the maelstrom of such conflicts not knowing why they need to fight, and they die without ever knowing what they could be dying for...

Was this the reality that he could never understand?

'... tried to talk this out yet...'

With that, Marco's own humanity was crushed by a primal fear, never to return."

This story really captures the tragedy of the human condition, just like AoT does in general, I think. Marco is an idealist, through and through, and believes that all conflicts can be resolved if people just talk out their differences, without having to resort to violence. And the sad thing is, Marco's thinking is the way it should be, even as his own death demonstrates the bleak reality of that ideal dreams impossibility. Ideals only work if you can get every person in the world to agree with following such methodology. But Marco never even gets the chance to try talking it through with Reiner, Bertolt and Annie, because they simply aren't willing to talk, for whatever reason. They decide he needs to die, and Marco isn't ever given an explanation for that decision, isn't allowed to understand what he's dying for, but simply falls victim to that choice. Marco's situation is like a microcosm of every person that Eren ended up killing in the Rumbling. Similarly, Eren never gave the Survey Corps a chance to even attempt negotiations with Marley before striking out on his own and putting his genocidal plans into action, ultimately forcing them into a position of having to fight. Again, ideals only work if you can get every person in the world to agree with following such methodology, and that's simply impossible. There's always going to be someone, somewhere, unwilling to play ball, as they say, for whatever reason they may have, and as a result, we're either forced to fight back, or die without ever knowing the reason why.

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #short stories #Armin Arlert #Eren Yeager #Marco Bott #Erwin Smith #Historia Reiss #analysis #meta #commentary

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