#i have never been that smart i just refuse to let an issue go without examining it from all angles and finding out more about it first | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

noble-atomics-railway · 14 days

Text

"If there was one thing that Gordon hated in life, it was change."

(A Forever and Ever Fanfic)

Thomas and Friends sometimes deals with the weirdest of issues like a fear of change or a fear of abandonment. The episode Forever and Ever plays Gordon's fears off as being silly, trying to compare willingly moving on to somewhere being the same as someone willingly moving away from you.

I've seen a lot of people say that Gordon acts irrationally in this episode, but as childish as the show presents his tantrum (as it's for children) it touches on this massive issue and glosses over it with Nia saying "I chose to move on which means you have to accept your friends moving on without you." I wanted to write something about this episode where it treats the problem with the respect it deserves.

If your two best friends move on without you, and you find out though it through other people it hurts. Not being the best at staying in contact I can relate to Gordon in this episode.

When people move on, especially when they leave you with no way to contact them, it is like they die. And let's be real, Gordon is a train, he can't just keep in contact with his friends. It all depends on other people.

Aka I made myself sad about Gordon for like a week and had to write a story about it.

*Disclamer* *I know very little about Thomas the Tank Engine and I have probably made a mistake about a backstory somewhere. My brief experience on AO3 tells me that people don't like this but bear with. I was very sad about Gordon and had to get it out of my brain. Take my writing with a pinch of salt.*

If there was one thing that Gordon hated in life, it was change.

So what if he did stay in the sheds forever and ever? What did he care? If they could all just be dismissed and replaced on the flip of a coin, would Sir Topham Hatt replace him if he refused to do his job? Or would he kick out another member just to replace him? Would he break Gordon down into spare parts, or just leave him to rust and decay? There would be no point sparing fuel on an engine that wouldn't do its job.

If there was no convincing Edward to come back, there would be no convincing Henry either. If Gordon refused, would they make Henry stay to pull the express, or would that just make Gordon's protest mute and foolish? What sort of engine was he if he would manipulate his friends just to get his own way?

Why would Henry tell him last that he was going to leave? They were friends, were they not? Why would he tell Gordon last? Perhaps he was just trying to spare his feelings, knowing he would take it poorly, one part of his mind spoke. Would Henry be intentionally malicious towards him?

But then again…

They were laughing about it this morning, behind his back. What if everyone knew but Gordon? What if Henry didn't even like him anymore? What if the common factor in his two best friends choosing to leave was Gordon himself?

He knew that he could be stuck up. He always had been, even before coming to work on Sodor. After all, he had worked on the London railway, and being proud made him stand out. Being proud had saved him and got him moved to Sodor.

And sure, he could be arrogant, but he had gotten past that with Edward and he had still left.

He stared at the wall in front of him angrily. He just wanted to be left alone. If he closed his eyes, would this all just be some horrible nightmare? He could wake up and nothing would have changed.

Then he heard her voice. Her annoying silly voice.

“It's not smart to sleep backwards, is it, Gordon?” she spoke. “How can you see where you are going?”

Nia. She had the gall to speak to him, did she? What did she know of Gordon's problems? After all, all of this mess was her fault.

“I don't care. I'm never going to leave this shed again.”

“You know, Gordon, all of my friends are in Africa, and I'm on a new railway, trying to make new friends. I know my old friends are still my friends, though.” She finished, “Edward and Henry won't even be going half as far as Africa.”

“You chose to leave, did you not?” Gordon spat at her. “You have a friend. You came back with Thomas and you made Edward leave. How dare you try to understand how I feel.” He turned away from her. “All of this is your fault.”

He screwed his eyes shut, refusing to look at her. He was still angry, angry at everything.

He fell asleep with the thought plaguing him. What if Sir Topham Hatt did change everything?

The dreams that haunted Gordon that night were not pleasant.

In one, Gordon found himself alone. Totally and utterly alone. All of the engines had left Tidmouth Sheds, leaving him totally and utterly alone. Even the humans had fled in this horrible dream, leaving Gordon alone with only the wind and creaking of timber to keep him company.

And in the other one, in the other one…

It was somehow closer to reality. Each train of Tidmouth Sheds announced that they were leaving, one by one, giving flimsy excuse after flimsy excuse to leave Tidmouth. Gordon couldn't follow them, held to his responsibility of pulling the Express. At the end, before he woke up, he was in the sheds and everyone was talking around him, and he was silent. Completely and totally alone.

He stared at the back wall of the shed, watching the morning light slip over Sodor, and wished that things could go back to the way they were.

“Gordon.” A sharp voice woke him up from his dreamlike state. "Gordon, are you going to be sensible and pull the Express today?” Sir Topham Hatt stood in front of Gordon with his hands on his hips. “I've had enough of your nonsense. I want you to go back to work like a sensible engine.”

“I thought you were changing everything.” Gordon snorted. “Make Henry pull the Express.”

“Henry is leaving and that is final. The branch line needs him more than we do at Tidmouth. Now, come out at once.” Sir Toppham Hatt glared at Gordon.

“No, sir,” he replied.

“No, sir. No, sir. What do you mean, ‘no, Sir?’” he gestured widely. “I am the controller and you do what I say, Gordon.”

“I mean no. You said I could stay here forever if I wasn't going to accept the changes on the railway, and I'm not, so I'm staying right here,” Gordon spoke smoothly.

“This behavior is silly, Gordon. You are usually far more sensible than this.”

“Maybe if you didn't change everything, I could be more sensible about it.”

In the distance, the clock chimed, signifying the start of the work day. “I do not have time to argue with you, Gordon. You have one more day. My customers should not have to put up with the confusion and delay that your immaturity is causing.”

Sir Topham Hatt left the sheds, once again leaving Gordon with his own thoughts.

You see, the problem was not that Gordon didn't want to work. He wanted to be a useful engine and pull the Express. The problem was that he …

He couldn't even put it into words. Perhaps he was being silly. No matter what protest he planned, Henry would still leave and be replaced. He was sure, without a doubt, that that would be the case.

When Sir Topham Hatt came back later that afternoon, Gordon apologised and agreed to run the Express for the rest of the day. There was no point refusing to work. It just left him alone with his thoughts.

…

The next few weeks passed slowly for Gordon. He just couldn't find any joy in his work. One day, Henry left and didn't come back, without much of a farewell. The berth next to Gordon's sat empty, night after night.

The other engines tried to talk to him, sure, but Gordon didn't bite. After all, it would only be a matter of time before he annoyed them and they left as well under flimsy excuses. The best method would be to keep to himself and just focus on being a useful engine.

He heard the other engines talking behind his back, and it wasn't getting to him, it wasn't. He was sure that they weren't all discussing where they were all going to move to without him. Talking about who they would like to have replace him.

Every day felt like a struggle, trying to work through just to go back to the sheds to sleep again just so that he didn't have to think. Each night, the same dreams kept him awake, full of laughter and chatter. He was surrounded by people but still alone.

Customers stopped approaching him, stopped talking to him. His paint seemed to lose its lustre. Even his engine driver and fireman seemed to talk to him less and less, making Gordon feel more and more alone.

Perhaps people noticed he was miserable. Perhaps they didn't. He didn't really care.

Then came the day that they replaced Henry with a young, energetic engine who thought the best of everything. Her and Nia chattered continuously over his head, clearly becoming fast friends as the two new engines.

There was no finer way to feel invisible than that.

His firebox seemed to take longer to heat up each morning, his wheels harder to turn, until the day when his fireman and driver didn't bother with him and took Rebecca to pull the Express instead.

Gordon couldn't understand it. He was the Express engine. He pulled the Express unless he physically couldn't or was in disgrace. He hadn't even done anything wrong this time.

He sat in the sheds, cold. What if Sir Topham Hatt wanted all new engines and wanted to scrap him for spare parts? There weren't many of his engine type left. Most of the London railway had been outmoded for diesel years ago, so there wasn't a ready supply of parts anymore. What if another heritage railway had paid Sir Topham Hatt handsomely for the parts to fix one of theirs?

Worse. What if he had been sold off to another railway? What if he were to become a heritage engine, functionally useless? What if they gutted him and put him on display in a shed? He wasn't broken. He wasn't.

When this cycle repeated for a few days, the other engines started to notice. The indignity of being seen as useless. Maybe he was useless. A relic of a forgotten era.

Obviously, James thought it was hilarious. James wasn't built to see the implications of the situation. Sir Topham Hatt didn't just stop using engines. There was some ploy to it, Gordon was sure. If Gordon was in the wrong, he would have been sent to pull the godforsaken trucks. He hadn't been used for anything. Anything at all.

Emily told Gordon it was because of his attitude. Nobody wanted to be pulled by a miserable engine. Gordon told her that they shouldn't really care as long as he arrived on time, like he nearly always did. People didn't have to look at him while he was pulling them, and he pulled them perfectly regardless of his attitude.

Percy, naive as always, told Gordon that they were just teaching Rebecca the rails and that they would give Gordon back the Express soon. Perhaps they were going to share the work to make Gordon's life easier. Gordon didn't need his life being easier.

And Thomas, Thomas really hadn't said anything much about it. The two engines held a deep respect for each other, and born from this respect was an ability for Thomas to understand Gordon in the way the others didn't. He knew there was nothing to say.

Gordon was sure that Rebecca and Nia had things to say about it as well, but Gordon didn't overly care what they thought. All of this was their fault in the first place.

…

With nothing much to do, Gordon found himself with way too much time to catastrophise.

…

“I've heard there's an engineer coming in from Wellsworth to take a look at your engine, Gordon,” Thomas said brightly one morning.

Gordon frowned. “There's nothing wrong with my engine.”

Thomas smiled. “Well, that's what the drivers think. I overheard my driver talking about it with one of yours.”

“My drivers are driving Rebecca.” Gordon looked off into the distance. “Nobody has been near my cab in days.”

“I thought you'd heard. They're pulling in a special crew for Rebecca. Anyway, she's a mixed class locomotive.” Thomas spoke quickly. “I think your crew want to get back to driving a passenger engine. I'm sure they think its a disgrace to drive a mixed traffic engine.”

“Perhaps, Thomas. My drivers are very proud.” Gordon nodded to himself. “Why not take me to the steamworks instead?” Gordon pondered. “That's where broken trains go to get fixed.”

“I'm sure you'll find out.” Thomas left with a grin. “By the way, I'm sleeping in Wellsworth tonight. Got to make way for the engineers to get here.”

Gordon frowned at that. “If you're going to leave, Thomas, you can just say it. Don't try to cover it up.”

“I'm not leaving,” Thomas said. “I don't want to leave Tinmouth Sheds.”

“If I recall, Edward said that, too. And yet, here we are,” replied Gordon angrily. “It's only a matter of time.”

Thomas drove off cheerfully, heading for his branchline. Gordon wondered if it would be the last time he would see him. Just like Edward and Henry.

The rest of the day passed, as many of the days before had, quietly. Gordon was sure that Thomas was just trying to make him feel less useless. There was nothing wrong with his engine, he was sure of it.

Slowly, the dusk rolled in, and each of the engines rolled in one by one, and Gordon closed his eyes, ready to skip forward to his next day of being useless.

…

“Gordon.” A voice startled him from his rest. “Gordon, wake up.”

“Edward.” Gordon couldn't stop the grin from splitting his face. “Please tell me that the last month has been a horrible dream.”

“I can't tell you that, Gordon.”

“Ah.” Gordon paused. “So this is the dream, then.”

Edward looked Gordon up and down. “Are you okay, Gordon?”

Gordon laughed. “No. I suspect that I'm not, and perhaps that I never will be again.”

Edward nodded, taken back at the honesty. “Wha-”

“You know that, Edward, because my brain has made you up to torment me. Had you and Henry been planning this all along? Are you going to tell me how I'm the reason that you left Tidmouth? Because I'm listening. I'm always listening.”

Of course, that explained it, Edward thought. The only person that Gordon wouldn't fear to admit his problems to was himself. He was too proud to show that he was suffering to any engine. Gordon obviously thought that he was dreaming.

“I didn't leave because of you, Gordon,” Edward said, levelled. “I left because it's closer to my branchline.”

“And now you lie to me. Just admit it. You won. You hate me.”

“Don't you think that's a slight overreac-”

“No. I'm the only engine who could be so insufferable that even his drivers-”

“Actually think that honor might go to Thomas when he drove into the-”

“And I drove into a ditch and put myself in disgrace.”

“That was a long time ago and-”

“Does it matter?”

“Gordon, stop acting like a child and listen. Look at this logically.”

“Logically, I'm fit for the scrapyard. Logically, I'm a relic of a bygone era. And technically I'm not even a proper tender engine. I'm a prototype tender engine. Nearly all of the other engines I worked with in London are scrap by now. Logically, I've annoyed everyone to the point where they can't even stand to sleep next to me. Logically, I've somehow become… useless.”

Edward sighed. “If that was true, why would you a have maintenance technician looking at your engine now?”

“To value it?” Gordon continued after a pause. “For spare parts.”

“Do you think you've been overthinking this?” Edward trailed off. “Wait… you think you've annoyed Henry and I into leaving?”

Gordon made the train equivalent of a shrug. “Logically.”

“You are a silly engine, Gordon.” Edward laughed.

“I take offence to that, Edward.”

“You are. Sometimes, I forget how young you are. You don't act like it until you do something silly like this.”

“I'm glad my misery amuses you.”

“Your misery, nobodies misery, amuses me. I don't want anyone to feel miserable.”

“If that was the case, Edward, why won't you come back?”

“Do you remember leaving to go to Sodor?” Edward asked suddenly.

“They replaced all of my brothers with diesel engines, as they closed railways in the Beeching Axe.”

“That explains a lot…” Edward trailed off. “So when you arrived, you felt… ?”

“Relieved. Grateful to be considered useful. Lucky to be considered…” Gordon paused. “Guilty because I knew others would be scrapped and they could be here in my place. How could you choose to leave, Edward, without someone making you? I don't understand.”

“When I left for Sodor, I was excited. It was an adventure. Moving to Wellsworth has been an adventure. I've made new friends.”

“But what about your old friends?” Gordon cut him off. “Something could happen to you and I'd never know. Moving away… It’s like someone dies when they move away. You never see them again and we have no way to even keep in contact. It's like you and Henry died, Edward. I felt… I felt like I'd caused it. I felt responsible.”

“We see each other, Gordon.”

“Not enough,” Gordon snapped.

“You know, just because I moved away, doesn't mean I'm not your friend anymore.”

“Nia said that because her friends were in Africa when she chose to leave.” Gordon said sarcastically. “It's different when you choose to leave, rather than get left like rubbish.”

“Let me rephrase. I didn't leave because of you, Gordon, I didn't leave because of anyone here. I- I needed to leave to feel useful again. Here, I have nothing to do. In Wellsworth I'm wanted. Do you see my point, Gordon?”

“The past month has taught me how being useless feels, Edward. I understand.”

“I needed to move on, Gordon, but it doesn't mean that I've died and it doesn't mean it's your fault. Leaving was scary, I can't lie, and I miss you all. You're all family to me, but… I needed to do this, Gordon. If you can't understand, I want you to respect that.”

“I can respect that, Edward.” Gordon smiled for what felt like the first time in weeks. “I'm going to suggest that this isn't a dream because you're being too nice for me for it to be.”

“It's not, Gordon, but I won't ruin your reputation… yet…”

The two engines chatted to each other until the dawn light rose slowly over the sheds, signalling a new day. Engine by engine was started up to begin the day until at last Gordon's and Edward’s firemen and drivers stood in front of the two trains.

“Do you think these two missed each other?” they joked as they got the engines ready for the day.

“I'm sure he missed looking young compared to your relic,” Gordon's driver joked back jovially.

And when they lit his firebox and Gordon rolled out of the sheds for the first time in days, he left with a smile on his face, glad to be a useful engine once again.

…

I'd like to tell you that things went back to normal immediately for Gordon, but that would be a lie. Change, like grief, can be hard to expect.

But day after day, week after week, they got better, and Gordon learned to embrace the changes.

Sure, he still couldn't stand Nia, but he learned to get along with her. If he subtly suggested that Nia and Rebecca should sleep next to each other so they didn't have to chat over him and keep him awake, no one was any the wiser.

And every time Gordon felt alone or felt abandoned, he just thought of Edward and Henry, proud to be useful in their lives, and thought of how much he enjoyed his own.

Things were going to change, no matter what Gordon did. As long as he enjoyed hauling the Express, he was going to be staying where he belonged at Tidmouth while being proud of Henry and Edward for being brave enough to embrace new lives.

8 notes · View notes

thedroneranger · 1 year

Text

The Drone Ranger's Be Kind Rewind ⏪ SometimesAnAlice Edition!

A rec reblog series dedicated to the fics that we love so much, we've re-read them!

@sometimesanalice's Rewind has landed! I have to give kudos for the commentary; I enjoyed reading it immensely! Plus, this peak hype person energy, and I am here for it!

While we continue to churn out amazing new content, let's be kind and rewind to look at some of the OG content we love! And don't forget to reblog when you re-read! Continue to show your comfort fics and favorite creators some love. It helps keep the fresh content coming :)

Let's keep this going throughout the summer, so if you're interested in participating in the Be Kind Rewind, message me. The more, the merrier!

If you want to know when a new Rewind drops, join the tag list, and check out previous Rewinds!

fics below the cut (listed in alphabetical order by title)

baby, i’m high octane, Jake Seresin, @laracrofted I could write papers and sing songs about how much I love this series. I refuse to remain calm about it because it is so devastatingly good. Ames has such a stunning way with words, I am always so immersed and transported and blown away by her work. There are lines in her stories that just stick with me for days and parts that I think about endlessly. (I’m also delicate about Delicate, do not get me started!) But BIHO is in a league of its own. Nora is an OC who you instantly love and root for right from the very first chapter. There is something so special about the way Jake is written in this story, the layer of depth he has is so compelling to me. And it has been such a treat going on the journey with them as they find their way to each other in the dreamiest of slowburns. Add this to the top of your TBR pile, you won’t be sorry!

can't unfeel that, Jake Seresin, @theharddeck I think about this fic A LOT. The yearning and pining and emotional intimacy is so deliciously angsty as these friends-with-benefits fight the deeper feelings they’re developing without knowing the other person is feeling the exact same way. Sana does an incredible job building the tension and exploring the dynamics between these two as they try (and fail) to keep it casual. It’s bittersweet, it’s juicy, it’s unforgettable. And fair warning, the smut in this will send you into a tizzy.

Government Issued, Bradley Bradshaw, @bradshawsbaby I love this trope so much, I get such a kick out of the idea that people are out there getting fined for “defacing Naval property”, but this one in particular is so much fun! There is a lovely sense of domesticity that makes this such a cozy, fluffy story to read. However, it’s the build up and the banter that never ceases to amuse me! I love to revisit when I need a good laugh.

Jealousy, Bradley Bradshaw, @gretagerwigsmuse I am the self appointed president of the Smart Aleck and Bradley fan club. These two have had me in a chokehold since the moment I read them and they haven’t let go of me since. I had such a hard time picking which to highlight for this because I love and reread so many (sending all my love to skyrockets in flight, afternoon delight). No one breaks my heart and puts it back together or makes me yearn and pine or giggle and blush like these two. They are my favorites and I’m so thankful for them because their story is so special. The care and attention to detail that Jordan puts into her fics is just unmatched. But there is something about Coach Dadley Dadshaw that just warms my heart in the best way. I love getting to see the sweet glimpses into the future and lovely life that these two get to build together, I’m truly so soft over it. This story in particular gets me with Dadley!Bradley, Jealous!Bradley, and all the witty banter that Jordan writes so well! It has got it all: fluffy feels, humor, and a dash of smutty goodness!

Mighty Fine, Bradley Bradshaw, @thebirdandthebee The way this fic gets me grinning and buzzing every time I read it! The fluffy, smutty adrenaline rush of it all! I have so much love for the smitten Rooster in this story! He is so gone and so soft for the OC Caroline, who is an absolute firecracker. The build up is such a fun one that you can’t help but cheer for him when he finally gets his girl!

No Sex with the Ex, Bradley Bradshaw, @tongue-like-a-razor Lena has so many stories on her masterlist that I go back to again and again and again (shout out to The Zipper Incident and Faking It and Less Talk). She is the QUEEN of tension and electric, witty banter. They always read so effortlessly and I am constantly left in awe at the finesse of her storytelling! I always find myself swooning, and laughing, and yearning when I read her stories! There are so many things I love about this in particular from the Hangster bromance to the jealous!bradley to the pining of it all! No matter how many times I read it, I still get a little thrill from it!

Red Flags, Green Flags, Bradley Bradshaw, @roosterforme There’s a reason this story has 4K+ notes on it: it’s fun, it’s flirty, it’s perfect! "Are you asking me on a date while I'm technically still on a date with Jake?" you asked him with a grin.//"Oh, your date with Jake ended a good thirty minutes ago," he informed you with a very serious look. "Now you're on a first date with me. You having fun?"-- NEED I SAY MORE? Your honor, I rest my case.

Tuesday Night (prequel to Not A Coincidence), Bradley Bradshaw, @sehnsuchts-trunken There is nothing more that I love than a slow burn and some good old fashioned mutual pining, and this little duology has it in spades! Mary’s Reader is so quippy and sarcastic, the banter always gets me laughing. The tension and chemistry is so palpable in these fics, you can’t help but be greedy about wanting to read more! And it doesn’t hurt that Rooster is just so swoon worthy.

Untitled childhood Bradley series, Bradley Bradshaw, @the-ace-with-spades I have read a lot of angsty stories that hit me in the feels, but nothing has quite ruined me emotionally like this series has. This universe where after Carole’s death Bradley goes to live with Mav and Ice, as he tries to figure out where he fits in this new family is absolutely gut wrenching in the best way. There have been times where it was so hard to read because I was blinded by the tears in my eyes. The way it makes my heart ache! It’s still a work in progress, but I am so hopeful for a soft landing.

You Don’t Get to Taste the Honey Without the Sting of the Bee, Bradley Bradshaw, @notroosterbradshaw No list is complete without something from Cass! There are so many that I debated picking (g.u.y, the boyfriend experience, the 1%), but the angst in this one just sticks to my ribs and I think about it often. When Cass leans into the angst, she really LEANS into it and this one hurts so good. Bradley is so realistically flawed in a way that makes you want to shake him for being so blasé to his partner’s feelings. I love the way Reader sticks up for herself and I ache for her in the way her partner is the source of her pain. It’s complicated and messy and real and I love it. Hit me in the feels and I will come back for more, and Cass keeps me coming back for more!

Creator's Own

Give Me Your Hand {Here is My Heart} (2-part Series) The ‘Like I Can’ series is something that took on a life of its own. What was supposed to be a little one shot turned into a three part series that turned into a universe of its own that takes up half of my masterlist. I love writing for these two, but I am really partial to this little mini-series that explores their relationship and builds up to their first time together. I think there are some fun moments, but also some tender and emotional ones as they take that final step from being just friends to being something more. Next from me will be Vol. 2 to Leave a Light On!

Tag list and friends: @petcr3 @desert-fern @Sagittarius-Lovewitch @mygyn @sweetwhispersofchaos @horseshoegirl @the-annoying-fan @dingochef @moon42flight @thecitysgraveyard @ereardon @roosterforme @cherrycola27 @galaxy-of-stories @taytaylala12 @malindacath @violyn20 @awildewit @potato-girl99981 @shanimallina87 @blue-aconite @djs8891 @linkpk88 @furiousladyking @daggerspare-standingby @princess76179 @jstarr86 @hecate-steps-on-me @darkheartcherry @soulmates8 @roosters-girl @dempy @roosterisdaddy36 @hangmanscoming @s-u-t @mavrellover91 @chicomonks @averyhotchner

A kind reminder, this is a 18+ blog. While not all stories in the recommendation list are 18+, please respect boundaries and do not interact unless you are 18 years of age or older.

#tgm be kind rewind #sometimesanalice #top gun maverick #top gun #jake seresin #jake hangman seresin #bradley rooster bradshaw #bradley bradshaw #bradley bradshaw x reader #hangman #rooster x reader #tgm fic rec

51 notes · View notes

messymindofmine · 4 months

Text

(Very Late) Tag Game Tuesday: 911 Lone Star Edition

Ok so technically I was tagged by the wonderful @lemonlyman-dotcom last Tuesday but unfortunately real life got away from me and I have only just got the chance to respond! So without further ado, here is my contribution to this delightful tag game.

When did you first start watching Lone Star? Who or what introduced you to the show?

So I actually started watching the show back when it first aired. I had watched some of OG 911 and while I didn't dislike it, it just never really caught my attention. So when I found out there was a spinoff with Rob Lowe (who I was first introduced to through The Outsiders movie) I was intrigued. So I watched the pilot when it first aired and I enjoyed it more than I thought I would. For me, it was the relationship between TK and Owen that really got my attention but I was also very interested in the potential between the firefighter's son and the hot cop who asked him to dance. I didn't really start being active in the fandom though until after s3 because I was already involved in another fandom at the time and I've always preferred to limit myself to 1-2 fandoms max.

Which season is your favorite?

It's a tough choice so I'm going to cheat and say s3 and s4 both are currently my favorites. I just love how much insight we get on all the characters in those seasons and the way the stories are fleshed out in a way that the first two seasons weren't able to do.

Who is your favorite character? (Bonus: If you answered TK or Carlos, who is your favorite besides them?)

Since it is impossible for me to choose between TK and Carlos, I will say Marjan. As a Muslim woman, I love getting to see a Muslim woman who is badass, smart yet also flawed and vulnerable on screen.

Top five episodes. Go!

This is very, very hard but if I had to pick off the top of my head:

1x03

2x08

3x08

4x16

If you could pick any character to be given a "begins" episode, who would it be and what would that episode look like?

I'm not sure I want a "begins" type episode actually. One thing I really like about LS is that instead of giving us one episode that just gives us a character's entire backstory, we learn about them slowly. We have learned about all the characters over the course of 4 seasons but there is still a lot about them we don't know and I would rather continue to learn slowly. Instead, I'll say I would like an outsider pov style episode where the 126 + Carlos keep running into this one person on scenes (kind of like that man with anger issues in 3x16) and we get to see the group dynamics through that person's eyes. What do they think when they see one of the paramedics perfom firefighter tasks? Or when they recognize Firefox? Or when they hear the firefighter captain make a comment about how bad something is for their skin/hair? What do they make of the cop and the paramedic making eyes at each other constantly?

What is a scenario or storyline that you would like to see in season 5?

I'd like to see some non-serious moments for Tarlos. I get that there needs to be drama and I love the drama but let the drama be an external one. And I just want some light-hearted scenes where they're bickering over feeding Lou 2 and Carlos doesn't want to touch the crickets while TK feels bad about using the crickets as food. Or their plumbing breaks down and Carlos refuses to hire a plumber because he is A Man and can fix it himself but he has never actually fixed a sink before and can't understand the instructions while TK is fondly exasperated by his stubborn husband and also very turned on from watching Carlos in a tanktop all sweaty with tools in his hands.

What do you think is going on in this still?

Either Carlos has gotten new information about his dad's killer or it has something to do with TK learning about what happened with his uncle Robert.

We all know about the elusive 5x05 spicy scene that has been teased, so what is your prediction for how it could possibly top 1x02?

Now I personally found the 2x12 scene spicier because of the intimacy but I guess 1x02 was spicier in the sense that there was a lot more of the sexual stuff. So to top it, I'd like to see Carlos pick TK up (bridal style or over his shoulder, I'm not picky!), throw him onto the bed, TK instinctively putting his hands up and Carlos grabs them and they devour each others mouths.

Where was the Tarlos honeymoon in your mind?

It looks like they are someplace tropical so I imagine them in one of the Florida Keys. Maybe Key West which is a tropical place but it also has a town which I think both TK and Carlos would like. They can lie by the pool during the day and explore the town during the evenings before heading back to their resort for the night.

Shoutout one of your favorite fan creations.

I am in awe of how talented this fandom is in so many different ways and it is so difficult for me to pick just one. I will say that this piece of artwork by @whatsintheboxmh which is for this lovely fic by @nancys-braids is one that I enjoy just looking at because the peace and calm that it evokes. I so want to see this in the show.

Since I am so late to the party, I'm not sure who has already done this and who hasn't so I will leave this an open tag and invite anyone who would like to participate to join in!

#911 lone star #fandom tag game

9 notes · View notes

midnightshard06 · 8 months

Text

It's Bound by Fate ramble time again. Love that the au smackdown is making me focus real hard on this au lol.

First I have... some plans for other characters besides those that have been mentioned so far. I would love to go into detail about those plans but uuuuuuh spoilers? Cause it would be very hard to talk about it without revealing stuff about Sonic that will be revealed later in the fic lol. Just know that there's currently some plans for Shadow, Blaze, and Silver for sure. Still playing around with some others. I would also very much like to fit Amy in somewhere I just need to figure out where.

I want to so very much talk about Sonic and Knuckles' eventual relationship (for those of you that haven't checked out the fic on ao3 Sonknux is gonna happen eventually, but not for a while) buuuuut I sorta wanna let it play out? Ah the downside of still having the main fic ongoing. I must tread the line of what is safe for me to talk about.

Instead I shall talk about Sonic and Tails, since the two met before the start of the fic that is safe from spoilers. Woo! Warning this might get kinda long and slightly disjointed. I have many thoughts.

They are pretty damn close as you might expect. Tails really looks up to Sonic and still feels like he owes Sonic since the hedgehog helped him. Sonic has told Tails so many times that they're even since Tails saved Sonic's life first anyway. As the two hang out more Tails starts to really come out of his shell and Sonic is so happy to see his best friend living his best life.

Tails after a while of getting to know Sonic does become pretty worried about him. You know with all the never wanting to stay in one place, the being slightly on edge around people, and particularly his pretty much constant lack of sleep. Whenever Tails voices those concerns though Sonic easily brushes them off and Tails isn't quite confident enough to push it.

The two rub off on each other a lot. Tails has managed to make Sonic a bit more responsible and do less of jumping into unknown situations headfirst with no plan. Sonic has in turn helped Tails learn how to have fun and well perhaps been a bit of a bad influence. Even though Tails is smart he's still a kid, and the allure of Sonic dragging him off to do some cool thing that may or may not be dangerous is gonna be hard to ignore. The two have landed themselves in a bit of trouble over the years but it wasn't anything too serious. They both typically speak fondly of these experiences.

Tails has offered to pack up and travel with Sonic a lot but Sonic refuses it every time. He'd love to have some sort of traveling companion, something he'll get later in the form of Knuckles, but he doesn't want to risk dragging his best friend into any real danger. He mostly just wants to keep Tails safe from the people that don't take too kindly to his werehog form.

Sonic visits as often as he can, Tails' house/workshop is the closest thing he has to a home. He does wish a lot of the time he could stay in one place for longer because he really does love spending time with Tails. It's just after too long he just gets restless and sort of becomes hard to be around. He's never really known why that is but he chalks it up to something related to his speed.

Tails is endlessly fascinated by both Sonic's speed and his werehog form. With permission he's run some tests to see if he can figure out what's going on but those usually result in exploded equipment. Sonic apologizes profusely every time even if it isn't actually his fault. Tails of course never blames him for it either.

The two are also rather protective of each other, and they show it in different ways. For Sonic he has no issues stepping in if someone is mean to Tails or tries to hurt him. He's gotten into a few short fights on Tails' behalf. Tails himself finds it sort of nice that Sonic is willing to literally fight for him, but he tries to discourage it as much as possible. Tails is a bit more subtle about his protectiveness. His go to thing is to plot some revenge scheme for after the fact. These have certainly terrified some people enough that they've never tried to mess with Sonic again. Sonic is oblivious to the fact that Tails does this sometimes; he does think it's weird that stuff will sometimes happen to people that mess with him though.

Sonic really values their friendship and does privately consider Tails his little brother but he's never called the fox that out loud. He has no idea if Tails feels the same and Sonic isn't exactly the best person at picking up social ques. Tails 100% feels the same but he's still too timid to say anything in fear of Sonic reacting badly.

These two take every opportunity to cuddle or be close to each other. Both really got no physical affection growing up and are severely touch starved. Luckily the two are on the same page here and are happy to show physical affection to each other. Besides cuddling there's a lot of hugs and head pats. Tails especially likes to cuddle with Sonic in werehog form since his fur is thicker.

@au-sonic-smackdown I suppose these rambles could count for propaganda huh?

#sonic the hedgehog #sonic fandom #sonic au #miles tails prower #sonic the werehog #bound by fate au #ramblings #au sonic smackdown

10 notes · View notes

skippyv20 · 2 years

Text

Here is the smoke & mirror post. Part 1

New Tea: Unfortunately I can’t share everything that I have learned but I know you are all smart enough to understand what I’m saying.

* King Charles III has become a huge problem/hindrance for this whole situation.

* He doesn’t and won’t close any doors on Harry.

* Prince William wants to see how Harry is once he gets away from that woman!

* KC3 wants a relationship but won’t accept it is lost.

* Harry has been making trips over to see his father and try to plan a way out for him and the children. There are a lot of stipulations that go with this scenario. The ONLY WAY THIS WORKS IS IF MEGHAN IS NEVER ALLOWED BACK IN, AT ALL!

* The MAJOR concern that I know has been questioned on here is what or is Harry being given or taken. The concern is that something will happen to him not by his own doing, but planned by 2 others to get everything. This is a SERIOUS AND REAL CONCERN!

* There are two scenarios for Harry, Meghan, and the children to go to the UK. It is being planned that way for a reason.

* I know KCIII doesn’t get it, he really doesn’t understand PH and thinks he can ‘straighten it out.’ POW’s want PH to be separated from the TW to see if there anything to salvage, hence why he will be put into local exile. His biggest heartbreak is the children.

* They know everything that has been done or is being done and have professionals watching/weighing in/and advising even Harry on certain mental health concerns and conditions, not just of his.

* There was a huge issue because QEII literally knocked on their door and demanded in. That was part of the reason MM wanted out of the UK. Because when HMTQ knocks, you have to let her in. She just wanted to see her great grandchild.

* MM was exceedingly cruel to HMTQ, KCIII and PW, but she is the same with her family.

* Meghan also wanted to go to Balmoral when The Queen was dying so she could get pictures.

* He is going to piss off the entire peerage system in the UK and that is his base support. The palace courtiers job is to advise the King on such matters.

* He is also planning on cutting out most of the peerage from the ceremony which is a huge huge mistake.

* Most of the courtiers and staff are extremely unhappy with KCIII and his refusal to put up boundaries with his son and the fact that a coronation is a state affair not a family party. But again this may just be his way of getting his son and grandchildren home.

* The major concern is that KC3 essentially ruin the Monarchy and still end up without one son bc he either won’t come home or bc something nefarious happens to him.

* One thing the palace may have forgotten is that this has to take place at the coronation

https://archive.vn/2022.12.19-013554/https://smokemirrorsmontecitosfauxroyals.quora.com/New-Tea-Unfortunately-I-cant-share-everything-that-I-have-learned-but-I-know-you-are-all-smart-enough-to-understand-wh?ch=2&oid=92993514&share=2de8d696&

Thank you, very interesting…❤️

49 notes · View notes

iphigeniainaulis · 1 year

Text

Hello, everyone 💛

I begin to write this draft and then delete it. Again, again and again. Cool summer evening with clouds that stretch like cypress trees leaves behind, it’s got replaced by the silence of the night. Dark little nothing with distant cold lights from distant neighbour windows. I’ve been trying to avoid writing this letter, pretending that I have so much to do. The truth is that I’m scared to be honest. Yet, there is this feeling, this need to share the burden of the past with somebody. Even if the only person that reads this letter will be me. Especially if it’s me.

I rarely write something to myself and almost never publish it on the Internet. Sadly as it is, I feel ashamed to do so. It’s as if I moan and grumble about silly things while the world is shaken with real problems. But this time is different.

I just thought…

Hey, this is my blog. It’s little and broken, but it's good. I find joy everytime I come here. I hope that it makes somebody happy to visit and scroll through it as well. So, why not be open and honest here?

For the last few years I’ve been dreaming about studying abroad. Can't tell when this thought occurred in my head for the first time, but when it did it captured my mind. Setting goals is something I’m genuinely keen on, since it helps me to organise my life while giving this ephemeral sense of stability. If today I do this and this, then tomorrow I’ll get that and that. But during the last year this perfect system began to show signs of strain. In autumn the Titanic sank completely. Without going into details, let me just say that the financial situation in my family changed. Therefore, my upcoming departure even after winning a grant that covered most of tuition fees could still make it even worse. My parents never said it out loud, and I’m sure that if not for me making the decision to withdraw, they would have supported me at the cost of their own comfort and health. But I couldn't accept that. The initial plan was to settle down, improve language skills and try to find a part-time job after the first semester. Before the change it seemed possible. But not now. So, I did what seemed right - lied that the university refused to accept me because of the pandemic restrictions. Soon after that I received a job offer from a company where I'd been an intern before. A rainbow after a rain.

Or not.

It’s worth mentioning that the job offer I got was from the department that specialised in a field different from my undergraduate major. At first, I even liked it because it was the long-awaited challenge I needed after a period of apathy. After the first working day I even got back home in tears, because my boss didn't give me ‘enough’ tasks to complete as a fresher. I took it personally and acquired a habit to work long hours in order to delve deeper into my projects, read additional literature and ‘re-do’ the tasks to make everything perfect. Not even A. Only A+. It was as if I punished myself for not being able to pursue my dreams about pursuing education in various countries. I just couldn't accept the thought that sometimes there is something that is out of our control.

While being afraid of not getting enough tasks, I completely lost the sign of a more significant issue to take care of - my mental health. The first months at the new job were a nightmare. I imagined things that didn't exist, put constant pressure on myself and could starve for the whole day only to return back home and overeat chocolate, bread, fast food. Working extra hours, from 10 to 12 hours per day. Taking at least one extra hour every single day, since I was scared to be not good enough. Not smart enough. Not fast enough. I didn't want to fail my boss, my colleagues. Ironically, I didn’t even know them. I wasn't introduced to them and, to make things worse, was the only one who worked on the other side of the building because of them ‘not having enough space’. I remember when I went to meet with one of the seniors - a lovely woman in her 50s. She smiled so genuinely at me and then said, ‘Darling, if you don’t sort out things, get out of here. We don’t need you’. I felt useless.

In winter it felt almost bearable. I still overworked without any compensation and got disappointed over the silliest mistakes. I felt bored because of the projects not being related to my professional interests, but pushed myself to take more. At least, I made some friends and got praised by my boss.

During spring they began to give me even more complicated tasks, but I no longer felt satisfied. Serving in a top company, I was ashamed to tell my friends about my duties. Because it was boring and not mine, but was ‘being mine’ really an important criteria when I could provide for myself and my family? I found myself increasingly irritated with the lack of creativity at work. Bureaucracy. Writing a paper in order to get another paper that was mentioned in a paper from that paper. Constant delays in working schedule because of ‘immediate problems’.

Not so long ago I decided to leave. It was hard and painful. But I knew that I’d given them everything I could. Now I’m preparing for entrance exams here in my city. Even if it's not the mysterious Kyoto or ancient London I’ve been dreaming of. I've got a lot of experience. Now I know how I will never allow people to treat me. How I will never allow myself to treat this body and mind. How I will act in a new place. I know that no single task is worth completing when it crushes your health. Currently I’m experiencing some problems with my back and knees. And I miss the time when I could stand on my feet without pain. Nevertheless, I’m sure that now I'm where I was meant to be. Healing. In the present. Not in my imagination.

I’m so sorry that I’ve missed so many birthdays of my mutuals. So many wonderful works, art and talks. Sometimes life was fast and unclear just like a fleeting image from a train, and sometimes it slowed down like a raindrop on the glass. I didn't have energy to come here and interact, but I never stopped thinking about this special place where people from all over the world can feel for a second as if they sit close together in a house full of happy memories.

I’m planning to answer, review and reblog as many things as I can in the upcoming weeks. Therefore, if you feel that it may be too much for you to see on your dash, it's absolutely and totally fine to block or unfollow me for a matter of time.

As for now…

Love you,

Iphi

(My poor attempt to recreate Vincent’s ‘Almond Blossoms’)

#personal

6 notes · View notes

luvsavos · 1 year

Note

12 and 30 for the peepaws naas and vul, a silly question and an interesting👀 question a perfect balance lmao also E and G i am making you work

oc questions ask game!

as always thank u for the ask<3

12: How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?

iizthur: instead of doing anything rational, he just gets Salty about it LMAO, how dare it be in some place that he can't reach, absolutely Inconceivable smh

lokzii: like everyone Except Iizthur, if possible he'll find something to rub himself against to get rid of it, HOWEVER if that isn't an option he'll try his best to just Ignore It and wait for it to go away on its own, no matter how Loud it might be.... or just do the smart thing and ask another person to scratch it for him. somehow he is the Only One that thinks to do this

naas: if he can't rub himself against something to get rid of it (that likely only being in his human form, since i THINK a fatalis could reach every part of its own body somehow?? Think. i am not 100% on that), he'll probably rapidly get pissy over it, but he'd rather be pissy about it than ask someone else for help

vul: if she's not able to rub against something to get it to go away, she probably tries to make it go away via the supposed method of focusing Really Intensely on the itch to make it go away, with... mixed results™️. she somehow does not even think to just ask someone else to itch it for her. also i'm going to project onto her and say that if an itch is particularly bad if it DOESN'T get itched it'll actually cause muscle spasms, which she finds particularly annoying and undignified-looking

30: Who do they most regret meeting?

iizthur: vul, absolutely no questions asked. bitch took his fucking eye!!!!! his whole shtick of conquering other monsters' territories and forcing them out to take for himself temporarily was going all fine and dandy until he met her and she not only refused to relinquish her territory but actively managed to beat him in every single confrontation they had. not only did she take his eye but she wounded his pride too and that's Unforgivable™️

lokzii: honestly? nobody, really (Yet). he's always been somewhat distant from others outside of his brother and his goddess, so he hasn't properly met anybody and known them well enough/long enough to consider himself genuinely regretting having met them.... though i'm sure that'll change soon<3

naas: do the Entire Ancient Civilizations count LMAO.... naas feels that if he had never been as fond of the ancient peoples as he was, and never intermingled so much and been so keen on not hurting them, even despite being a destroyer, that nothing of what happened to him would have happened---he wouldn't have gone to them in peace and thus given them the opening to capture him as he did; he would have been able to simply destroy them all without issue, and he would've never been captured and experimented on. humanity is, in his eyes, the five's greatest mistake

vul: there is TWO to this! iizthur, Obviously, but also another specific malzeno (a friend's oc<3) that's caused her no small amount of problems (see: spreading a vampiric plague and letting his qurio run rampant and then letting the blame get pinned on her bc she was the only other malzeno in the area at the time and, bc she prefers her true form and he was, at the time, in a human form, that led to assumption that it was her at fault) and emotional distress (see: literally fucking killing bahari at one point lmfao) and taken Extreme genuine glee in her distress

AND for the creator's questions!;

E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?

i would absolutely NOT get along with naas or iizthur nor would they get along with me; iizthur's a bitch, and i am a mortal which means naas would disdain me and be an asshole and i wouldn't like it ahdksjgk i DO think i would get along nicely with vul and lokzii though<3

vul and i would be able to have the 🤝 over The Tism and i think she'd greatly appreciate that i wouldn't be offput by how uncanny valley she is in her human form, nor would i react negatively to her in her true form (even though she would absolutely be incredibly intimidating), and lokzii is a very patient and laid back person, which i can vibe with and i think he'd vibe with me also being laid back; he would let me infodump about my hyperfixations and listen with genuine interest (and make us both some tea and a meal as well probably) and i would appreciate that So Much🥲

G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?

hooh boy!

iizthur? the fact that he keeps fuCKING SHOWING UP EVERY SINGLE TIME I'M IN THE GUIDING LANDS IN WORLD /hj

seriously there's like a 70% chance that when a monster rotates out he will replace it. or when i open the game and go to enter the gl he'll already be there. He Will Not Fucking Leave!!!!!!!!

lokzii: aside from the fact that i absolutely did not INTEND for him to be Depressed, he just kind of Decided that he Wanted To Be, Apparently (/lh), i think it's the fact that he's. FAR too patient and forgiving for his own good. while he can, obviously, be aggressive when need be---even if primordial malzeno are docile by nature, malzeno as a species still have latent, innate aggression and are Brutal when provoked---he tends to prefer to avoid fighting and conflict that isn't necessary, and can be. much more patient than he SHOULD be with others sometimes

naas; definitely his stubbornness and unwillingness to see other perspectives. to be Fair, that does absolutely stem from his trauma, but... Still. it's REALLY hard to get him to even be OPEN to an outside perspective; usually he'll just close off immediately and get defensive rather than listen

vul: i can't really think of anything off the top of my head for her honestly, maybe the fact that even when plainly presented with clear-cut evidence of gods existing (see: that one time when she Literally Met Xeno Face To Face) she just.... still Refuses to acknowledge or believe that deities exist. but tbh any "frustrating" things about her are just objectively really fucking funny so i can't even be mad about them bc girlie is just a hot mess of a dragon masquerading as being significantly more regal and well put together than she actually is LMAO

#mar.txt #answered #wing-dingy #why did it never let me put the dash in that until Just Now what #thanks tumblr very cool #oc tag: iizthur #oc tag: lokzii #oc tag: naasfilrah #oc tag: vuljud #oh now tumblr's acting like ive never used the oc tags before and it doesn't know what they are #okay grandpa lets get you to bed smfh #long post

2 notes · View notes

jurassic-park-inthe-world · 1 year

Text

Raptor Girl (Jurassic World)

Third P. POV

The Grady family was growing. First there was the parents, Owen and Claire. Then, there was Maisie, their adopted daughter, who was 16. Then Rose, their actual daughter, who'd inherited her mother's freckles and her father's blonde hair. Then Blue, a Velociraptor, and her daughter, Beta. that was it, as far as now.

Nothing ever really seemed...off about Rose. Nothing major, like a health issue, or a mental issue. Nothing physical, either, but from some hidden gene, she was able to talk to Blue and Beta, and when I say talk, I mean talk. She was one of them, because she spoke like one of them--even though she said human words, the Raptor pair understood her like she was a Raptor, too.

Claire and Owen have tried for many years to figure out what made her able to communicate with Blue and beta. Finally, Henry Wu admitted to something: when Claire was hurt, he'd put her under to fix her. But, due to a request from some higher-ups ,he'd placed a half-human, half-raptor child in her, as well. Owen was beyond pissed, and he had taken the situation at hand, basically sending Wu to the hospital, but there was nothing they could do, and Claire and Owen refused to give her up just because of what she was or how she came to be.

Her nickname was Raptor Girl. That's the name Ian Malcolm gave her, anyways, and it stuck. the only other thing she'd really respond to was her name. She spent most of her time outside, talking to the Raptors and running around with them. She didn't have their speed, but she had their eyesight, their senses, and their intelligent minds. Owen was proud of the daughter he'd been raising.

In turn, Maisie bragged about her sister, how she was really smart, but she never said anything, out of safety, about Rose's animal-talks. She knew that if someone were to hear, they would steal Rose in a heartbeat, and they'd never see her again.

Late one night, Rose was curled up in bed, Owen reading her a story, when she placed her small hand on the book, pushed it down, and said, "Papa?" "Yeah, hon?" He asked. His eyes were itchy from tiredness, but he swore to finish the book. They were almost done, and---

"Is Blue dying?" He blinked. If anything, that's not what he expected her to say. "Um...why do you ask, baby?" He shifted, getting more comfy, and Rose said, "She told me she's getting old. Does that mean she's gonna die?" She whispered, playing with the fringe on her blanket. Owen wasn't sure how to reply, so he kept it basic. "Yeah, she will, eventually. Nobody lives forever, honey. But even if she does go, she's always gonna be with us, remember?" "In our hearts and soul," Rose said, a teaching of her father. Owen smiled. "That's right. Let's finish this, okay?" "Okay, Papa." At the end, she was already asleep, so he tucked her in, turning off her light. "Night, Raptor Girl," he whispered, shutting her door. When he got to his and Claire's room, she frowned at the sad look on her husband's face. "What's wrong?" "she said Blue told her that..." He shook his head. "Blue said she was getting old. I think she's dying, hon, and I'm really scared right now." He sat on the bed, and Claire shut her book, carefully laying on Owen. "I'm so scared. She's always been with me, Claire. What am I gonna do without her?" He bit his lip, frowning deeply, and she sighed, moving closer. Her hand dipped under the collar of his shirt, rubbing idle circles on his chest. "You'll live. You know no one lives forever, you taught Rose that. But even if she's gone, she'll be with us, and we can take care of Beta if we have to." Owen chuckled. "Yeah...goodnight, hon." She smiled, already half-asleep. "Goodnight, Owen."

0 notes

ersatz-anomaly · 1 year

Text

Can’t believe I lost half my followers bc I was critical of a super rich person using her money to bully a woman’s small business.

Unrelated kinda but. Humans. Humans fucking terrify me to my core. One second you’re wholesome. Inspiring. A bastion of moral fortitude. The next you’re a troop of rabid chimps ready to throw someone to the wolves bc of rumour and hearsay. I want to be human, but humans disgust me. How do you be simultaneously smart but dumber than a bag of rocks in soup. Or ignorant. The humans scare me with how quickly the mobs form and how easily you use someone’s fears and pains against them. Portray them in such an unflattering image so carefully crafted it looks like you dug up a 500 year old coffin containing a cursed monster and not just pointed at anxiety attacks and breakdowns and gone “see they have consistent triggers clearly it’s all an act!”

I love the human race. The advances. The creativity. The stories and arts and thought experiments akin to new wave philosophy. The power to put themselves in the position of another and understand where they are coming from. Their fears and apprehensions. Their complex soul in its myriad facets. But I fear your kind too. The way you can smile one day, and plant a knife between spinal plates the next. The way you will support emotionally, only to later use that information to make sure your attacks hit harder and have nigh-guaranteed crits.

The mindset of instant belief without evidence…. While it can be very important, it is also exceptionally dangerous. It’s the mindset that lets you sleep like a baby after throwing an innocent under the bus-wolves. “I did my part” yes and now I still have ptsd to this day.

I’m going to be 24 in just under two weeks…. And I still can’t stop remembering and thinking. It was only a few days after my 18th… but it still feels so fresh. I know I’m supposed to just “move on” and forget and not think of it…. And I want to…. But I always end up remembering. 6 years and it still eats at me. You threw a mentally ill autistic person under the bus over LIES. YOU TARGETED MY BODY IMAGE ISSUES. YOU REFUSED TO HEAR ME OUT AND ASSUMED ME EVIL BC I HAD SEVERE ANXIETY REACTIONS AND A NOT SO STEADY PAST FILLED WITH BULLIES AND FAILED SOCIAL BONDS THAT FAILED BC I WAS MORE ATTACHED TO THEM THEN THEY WERE ME.

You assigned yourself judge, jury, executioner. Constantly gaslit me and accused me of gaslighting when I fucking blanked on a memory (a common depression symptom, and I’ve been diagnosed with severe clinical depression since I was 11 years old fuckwits). Demanded I Confess and Admit to a crime I was never doing and used my confusion and turbulent state as “evidence” I was a gaslighting liar. You moved on but the posts and anon death threats and suicide baiting messages still live on in my head. Like a cruel gremlin I can never catch as they scurry through the cupboards and vents like a fly on speed.

How. How do you smile one minute and shank the next. How do you say “you can trust me” and use that trust to know where to target. I don’t understand it. You choose hatred and violence when you have ample compassion and advanced reasoning to think maybe just maybe the narrative told of me was damn near polar opposite of my established actions and routines of behaviour. Or that I was traumatised from growing up as an undiagnosed autistic in an nt world until it was too late for me to get any help.

I don’t understand humans. You are the most beautiful, and even more so the most spine chilling, creatures I have ever known. I love humanity. I loathe humanity. You guys scare me worse then my own nightmares, even the ones where I get chased and eaten by faceless creatures with improperly proportions.

#personal #don’t reblog #depression #anxiety #relapse #trauma #ptsd

0 notes

tinandabin · 3 years

Text

Yandere Uzui + his hot wives. ;)

join my discord!!

Warning: triggering topics like suicide and stuff.

a/n: I had gotten a request and thought it meant reader killing themselves but it meant that reader is trying to kill the yanderes and if u are the anon who requested that, DW, I will be getting to ur request soon!! Same to the others.

At first when you would like threaten them that you are gonna kill yourself if they don't let you go right this second, but Makio and Uzui don't take it very seriously.

Suma has more of a emotional reaction saying that now she won't leave you for even more than 2 seconds!!

Hinatsuru is the one who would actually take this seriously and talk to you about it, worried as to what is bothering you and ignoring you saying you want to leave.

All of them refuse to believe that you want to leave them. I mean, they treat you so good!! If you don't count the staying locked up in the house and their possessiveness.

I have no doubts they would be the worst yanderes, like 4 yanderes and they are ready to team up? Dang, you better run.

Like ugh, Uzui wants to control everything you wear. Even your bras and underwear. There has not been a single day where he hasn't ordered you to wear what he says.

And damn it, it is so annoying when someone tells you to wear something you don't want. I hate it when they do that, like hello?? This is not your body, go fuck yourself.

Hinatsuru wants to baby you. A lot. Like no, love, go sit down and let your favourite wife do the cooking while you just sit there and watch her. Let her feed you her cooking and praise her or she is going to get a bit angry. Let her bath you, let her make you wear the clothes Uzui choose. I mean, you can't do much without your favourite wife, can you?

Though, never, and I mean, NEVER go to her for personal issues. She may look like motherly and stuff and yes, she is, but she is snitching if you tell her your escape plan.

Makio, Makio, Makio, all she wants is for you to stay happy. Sometimes she does wonder if it is better to just let you go because let's be honest whether they all want to admit it or not, it is really damaging your mental health. Uzui also thinks this sometimes but then he thinks it's better if you stay with them, it's okay you will learn to live them and love them.

Suma. She is like a koala. And not the one you find cute as a yandere. She literally wants to cuddle you 24/7 and if you even think about trying to escape her cuddles, oh boy, oh damn, she is gonna get aggressive real quick and start guilt-tripping you.

Don't let her fool you with her innocent looks. She is really, REALLY smart. She knows that she is cute and being emotional is in her personality. So you won't find it much weird that she would start crying and saying stuff like, "do you not love me?" Like no, you never loved her to begin with. But to be honest, I don't know about you but I would feel kind of bad if someone were to start crying and saying stuff like that. But this ain't about me.

Makio would be a bit weirded out when you say that stuff and worried but she won't show it. She would just scoff at you and look away while Uzui would just glance at you and glare a bit. A small warning to not take action on it.

Hinatsuru, as I said before, is the one who would take this seriously, she could be the best yandere because she is very understanding but sadly, she is a bit delusional.

Suma. Please, I beg of you, don't say that in front of her. She won't fucking leave you alone any time. Even following you in the bathroom, even would start breathing the same pattern as you.

But then when you do take action.

They would all be like so confused and sad and worried like, love why are you doing this? Are they not paying enough attention to you? Is there something in particular you want?

They seriously think it's about that and not the fact you want to be free.

They would also be really surprised like the whole home is baby-proofed how did you do that?

Simple, you had hands. Very soft hands according to them.

You were just....trying to choke yourself.

Suma is the one who caught you in the act and just screamed really loudly that even the neighbours came.

Hinatsuru was the one telling the neighbours that no, nothing is wrong, she swears no one is being kept captive, and no one is getting murdered.

Suma would straight-up tackle you. And if choking yourself didn't take enough oxygen out of you, this tackle sure as hell did.

And from then on, you were never. NEVER left alone again.

Now, you can die instantly if you bit your tongue right?

I feel like Makio would be the one who is more educated on this stuff, (she studied on this after your suicide attempt. )

All of them did I guess.

And when Makio told them about that biting your tongue leads to instant death and with no doubt did she announce that you know it and are maybe gonna perform it.

Which Uzui agreed on.

As a hashira, I won't be surprised if he is good at reading people.

And so what do they do?

Regretfully cut your tongue. ( im sorry I have got like no idea how this shit can be stopped like I only know if there is no tongue no one bites tongue and no one dies. If this is wrong then tell me)

They had a very serious and long discussion on it while you are knocked out unconscious, resting on Uzui's lap.

They will miss hearing your voice but it's better than you dying.

I don't think you can try to commit another suicide attempt after you did one.

MASTERLIST

Also thank u all so much for 200+ followers shiaiajajs take this as a 200+ special 🥰🥰💝💖

572 notes · View notes

starryhyuck · 3 years

Text

pride. (m)

pairing: sugardaddy!xiaojun x reader

words: 4.7k+

summary: stacked with two jobs, tuition bills and rent payments, an opportunity falls into your lap that leaves you wanting more.

genre: fluff, smut

warnings: creampie, breeding kink, semi-public sex, oral sex, degradation, overstimulation

It all started before you hit rock bottom.

When you enrolled in college and decided to study music, your parents refused to pay for your tuition as they had hoped you would pursue law instead. You’ve been passionate about music since you were younger, and financial burdens were not going to hold you back from pursuing your dreams.

You spend most school nights working a low wage job, and switch to a different low wage job on the weekends. You hardly had time to balance studies and work, but in order to make ends meet, you fill your body with caffeine and call it a day.

You’re in the middle of wiping down the counter of the campus’s local ice cream parlor, ignoring the email you received from your landlord minutes ago. It was yet another warning notice to pay last month’s rent, a task you’ve been putting off for weeks.

There’s barely anyone who comes into the shop this late at night on a weekday, only a few who have a midnight craving they have to fulfill. You’re surprised when Doyeon comes barging into the shop at half past midnight, dressed to the nines in her custom Versace gown.

She sighs and throws herself down on one of the parlor chairs. “I feel sick to my stomach. Is it possible for your intestines to hurt so much from champagne?”

You laugh at her. Doyeon was your first friend when you came to campus, and you were blissfully unaware of how wealthy she was until three months into your friendship. Her mother recently remarried and Doyeon despised her stepdad, but she never had any complaints about the money he carried with him. Doyeon’s offered to pay off some of your loans so that you wouldn’t have to work two jobs, but you always turned down her offer. You couldn’t take money from her — you had to have a little bit of pride.

“What happened now? More sleazy old men hitting on you?” You question, leaning over the counter to ask her.

“You know me so well,” she sighs, her curled hair styled perfectly down her shoulders. She removes her heels for a bit so she can breathe. “And Doyoung was complaining the entire time, pissing off my mom. You know how my brother is.”

You’ve met Doyoung once or twice, and he was very similar to Doyeon — confident, smart and not afraid to speak what’s on his mind. Doyoung had a very difficult time adjusting to their mother’s new beau.

“You know what would be nice?” Doyeon asks, eyelashes fluttering at you. “If you come with me next time.”

“You know I can’t,” you decline, moving to check on the tubs of ice cream. “I’m too busy with work and school. Can’t leave for a night of luxury.”

“But you can,” she whines loudly. “Just let me pay your rent for last month and we’ll call it even!”

You roll your eyes. “I hardly call that even, Doyeon.”

She huffs. “Please? I can’t stand to go to another one of these things and listen to those snotty people tell me how lucky I am that my mom found that douchebag. You would make it so much more fun, and save me from a night of torture.”

For the first time, you’re contemplating Doyeon’s offer. You’ve known for a long time now that you’re running low on funds, and you’re scared that if you don’t find a way to pay your landlord, he’ll end up evicting you. Your eyes glance up to meet Doyeon’s, who has her puppy dog gaze turned on.

You sigh. “Just one event. That’s it.”

She squeals, and almost jumps over the counter to hug you.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you! I love you, thank you!”

You awkwardly pat her back. “Yeah, yeah.”

—

Doyeon failed to tell you that the event she was dragging you to would actually take place within a week.

You scrambled to find a dress and how to style your hair, knowing that if you showed up in an off-brand name, you would immediately look like an outcast. Doyeon saved you from the humiliation, shoving you into a Valentino dress that had your eyes rolling out of your head at the price tag. She also hired a hairstylist on the day of to come over and fix you up, which you clearly disagreed on until Doyeon told you it wasn’t up for debate.

And now, here you were, standing in the middle of the most luxurious place you’ve ever stepped foot in. Doyeon leans over to whisper to you while you’re eyeing the waiters and waitresses walking around with trays of champagne.

“Just smile and act like you only care about money.”

She tugs you forward and you try your best to match her pace. A girl approaches you two first, nails wrapped around the stem of her glass. She’s wearing one of the most beautiful gowns you’ve ever seen, a Chanel piece her mother imported for the event.

“Hyojung, you’re way too young to be drinking anything,” Doyeon scolds.

“Calm down, mom. No one’s snitching except you. Who have you brought?”

Doyeon beams and loops her arm through yours. “This is my friend from college.” She gives Hyojung your name and you offer your best smile.

Hyojung returns your grin. “Nice to meet you. Where do your parents work?”

Doyeon opens her mouth to tell Hyojung the truth, but you stop her.

“They own a few chain businesses in our hometown. Nothing too grand,” you inform. Hyojung nods in agreement, eyes darting somewhere else.

“Well, Chanwoo is here. I’m going to get the gossip that he owes me from last time.”

When Hyojung leaves, Doyeon frowns at you. “Why did you lie?” She questions.

You shrug. “I would rather not be a fish out of water here more than I already am. It’s better if people think I’m at least middle class.”

“Okay,” she says slowly. “You know I’m not ashamed of you, right?”

You giggle and pat her cheek. “Of course I know.”

“Finally!” You hear someone exclaim, and you turn to see Doyoung rushing over to the two of you. “Where the hell have you been? Mom’s going to murder you for showing up so late.”

Doyeon rolls her eyes. “Relax. We took a long time getting ready.”

Doyoung smiles gently at you before tugging his sister away. You feel even more awkward, hands folding together as you sway in the middle of the room. The people around you are talking animatedly and you can faintly hear the sound of the violin in the back of the room. You wonder if you should pretend to go to the bathroom or find somewhere to sit-

“Never seen you here before.”

You turn to see a guy your age, dressed in a full Armani suit and Rolex watch shining under the sparkling chandelier. You awkwardly clear your throat.

“Uh, yeah. My friend brought me. Do I look that weird?”

He chuckles, running a hand through his chestnut locks. “You look beautiful. I’ve just been to plenty of these galas before and I’ve pretty much memorized the guest list.”

Your heart lingers on his compliment and you avert your gaze.

“My first one. Are they always like this?”

“Boring, you mean?”

You laugh and he joins in. You swear you feel butterflies frantically flying in your stomach.

“So, what’s your story? Also have rich parents?” You ask.

He nods. “My mother owns half of the city’s major businesses. I’m Xiaojun, by the way.” You give him your name and he smiles, motioning to the back of the room. “Want to talk where it’s a little less loud?”

You agree, smiling and taking his arm as he leads you to the less chatty part of the room. You both sit on a luxurious velvet couch, a piece of furniture that most likely costs more than your entire apartment. Xiaojun hands you a glass of champagne, his smile taking your breath away.

“Tell me a little bit about yourself,” he muses, eyeing you carefully.

You laugh. “Is this a job interview?”

He shrugs. “Could be.”

Your eyebrows furrow at his answer, but you figure rich people were always weird and vague like that. “I go to the same college as Doyeon, and I’m studying music. Not really much to say, I spend most of my time working.”

He nods, and you can’t place what the look in his eye is for.

“Music, that’s interesting. What made you decide to take on such a daunting major?”

“Daunting as in it’s not law or business?” You counter, giving him a look.

He holds his hands up in surrender. “Hey, no judgment here. In my world, I haven’t met anyone who isn’t a law or business major. It’s nice to have a change of scenery.”

He challenges your gaze, and you feel a warmth in your stomach you haven’t felt in months. You jump when you hear the shriek of your name and Doyeon comes charging towards the two of you.

“There you are! Jesus, I had to hear Doyoung fight with my stepdad for almost ten minutes.” Her exasperation turns into surprise when she sees Xiaojun seated next to you. “Oh! Hey, Dejun. Didn’t see you there.”

He offers a smile. “Hi, Doyeon.”

“Do you mind if I pull her away for a bit?” Doyeon asks, but she’s already looped your arm through hers. You slightly protest when she tugs you away from Xiaojun, but you’re immediately distracted by her next question. “What the hell were you doing talking to him? You know what Xiaojun is famous for, right?”

You frown, looking over your shoulder again to see him, watching as his line of sight carefully follows you and Doyeon.

“No, I don’t. He seemed nice. What’s the issue?”

Doyeon rolls her eyes. “He’s a sugar daddy. Always looking for new sugar babies to satisfy him. He’s been blowing through girls like the wind for the past year. He’s not good, and I don’t want you in his company without me.”

You try to process that the man you were just talking to was, in fact, scoping you out to get a potential new sugar baby. You can’t wrap your mind around it, even when Doyeon drags you to the corner of the room, where Doyoung and her stepdad are still fighting.

Your eyes linger on Xiaojun’s table, but he’s already long gone.

—

“Nice shop you got here.”

You practically jump out of your shoes at the sound of the familiar voice, almost spilling a cup of ice cream down your front. You nearly get whiplash with how fast you spin around, eyes widening at the sight of Xiaojun standing in the middle of the ice cream shop. Your manager, Seojeong, raises an eyebrow at your skittish nature.

“Is there a problem here?” She questions, but you immediately brush her off.

“No, no problem!” You squeak. You immediately rush over the counter and push Xiaojun out of the shop. “Seojeong, I’m taking my 15!”

“Um, okay?”

Once you’ve got Xiaojun on the street, you take notice of what he’s wearing - another dark Armani suit, same Rolex watch, and hair styled in a way that’s meant to make your panties drop. You push back your thoughts and whisper harshly to him.

“I know why you’re here.”

He raises an eyebrow, smirking. “Do you now?”

“Yes, I do,” you state confidently, tilting your chin up. “Doyeon told me about your little sugar daddy scheme.”

He laughs. “Ah, is that what they’re calling it now? Didn’t realize I was such a bad guy for wanting to help out girls in bad situations.”

You scoff. “Do you get off on this? Lowering yourself to the underprivileged lives of the poor? Pretending to be the hero that saves the damsel in distress?”

He snickers at your line of questioning, shoving his hands in his pockets and eyeing you. He leans down so that you’re face to face, and you falter as he becomes closer to you.

“And if I do? What if I like giving you money so you don’t have to work two jobs?”

“How do you know I have two jobs?” You inquire.

“You looked so lost at that gala. I told you I’ve memorized the guest list — you’ve never been on it. It became relatively easy to discover the rest of the details. It must be exhausting doing this everyday, haven’t you ever wanted a break?”

You fold your arms across your chest and take a step away from him. “What’s in it for you?”

He grins. “The pleasure of your company.”

“What kind of company?” You ask, doubting him. You won’t lie and say the offer isn’t intriguing to you. You still have pride, definitely, but the weight of two jobs has really taken a toll on you lately. Plus, Doyeon said Xiaojun breezes through girls anyways. You could get a break from paying your rent for a few months and before you know it, he’ll move onto the next charity case he wants to help out.

There’s no harm in that, right?

Your thoughts are blown through the window, however, when his smirk grows wider. You’re sure there’s a large damp spot in your underwear right now.

“Whatever company you like, little one.”

You’re fucked.

—

You keep the relationship with Xiaojun quiet and under wraps. You know Doyeon would have many thoughts about your choice, and she would probably convince you to let her pay your bills instead of Xiaojun. You couldn’t place that burden on her shoulders.

Surprisingly, Xiaojun doesn’t ask for much. He swings by the ice cream parlor once a week, drops off a $1000 check, stays to chat for a little, and leaves. Seojeong doesn’t raise any questions, albeit you’ve seen her glance at the envelope you leave in the back room. You would’ve thought that Xiaojun is the type of guy who invites you over to his penthouse apartment to get to know him, but he’s been quite reserved. He never crosses the line with you, and his questioning stays on the topic of your classes and work. You continuously wonder how to captivate his attention and if the other girls before you failed to do so.

About a month into the deal, your patience wears thin. You’re not even really sure why you’re frustrated in the first place. Anyone would love a no strings attached deal like this, getting $1000 every week with barely any commitment. You quit your other job because you don’t need both paychecks now and you’ve been able to keep up on rent. However, a part of you expected to be close with Xiaojun in some way at this point, especially considering the way he was flirting with you when he first propositioned this.

You’re fully prepared to confront him on Friday night, the same day he usually drops off the check and chats with you for a bit. You practically throw yourself over the counter when he takes a step inside the shop, yelling over your shoulder to Seojeong that you’re taking your break.

Xiaojun laughs at your eagerness, allowing you to tug on his suit as you pull him outside.

“Someone’s excited today. Need the check that badly?”

You frown at the accusation and exhale. “No, as a matter of fact, the money you’ve given me so far could probably cover me for a year.”

“Then what’s with the frowny face?”

“There’s a catch here, Xiaojun, I know there is. You’ve been too nice,” you say, waving a finger at him.

He smirks. “Have I been? I told you, little one, all I need is your company. You’ve given that to me every week, haven’t you?”

You scoff. “Barely. We talk for a few minutes while I’m making orders for other customers and then you leave. I would hardly call that company.”

He gets even cockier, if that was humanly possible. Xiaojun has to know what he’s doing to you — the mystery of his true personality starting to make you curious.

Similar to your first meeting, he leans down until he’s a few inches from your face, eyebrow raised. “Didn’t mean to neglect you, little one. Did you want more from me?”

You shift awkwardly, tension building in your stomach from his words. He was clearly teasing you and his patience was stronger than you previously believed. He waited a month just to have you desperate like this, wanting something more than a few minutes of his time. You’re so wet at this point that you’re definitive Xiaojun knows.

To prove your point, his smirk grows wider. “What are you doing after your shift?”

“U-Um, I have some homework to finish-“

“Great, I’ll pick you up after work and you can finish it at my apartment.” He doesn’t give you any time to protest, moving closer to you, his breath hitting the shell of your ear. “Next time, little one, just tell me you need more attention. Daddy will gladly give it to you.”

—

You’re a nervous wreck when Xiaojun’s expensive Rolls-Royce pulls up to the curb after your shift has ended. His car looks terribly out of place on the streets of your dirty campus, but he doesn’t seem bothered in the slightest. You quickly get in and ask him to go before anyone can recognize you.

The ride to his apartment in the upper part of town is filled with silence, making you even more jittery. Xiaojun, on the other hand, is calm and collected with one hand on the steering wheel and the other on the console. You try to swallow your nerves and reason with yourself.

This is just Xiaojun — son of a multimillionaire, heir to many respective companies within the city. This is just Xiaojun — the man who’s been giving you $1000 every week with no strings attached, the man who’s clouded your dreams for the past month on more than one occasion.

Unfortunately, you don’t have any more time to dwell on your thoughts when Xiaojun pulls up to the parking garage of his complex. The both of you exit the car and he hands the keys to one of the valet drivers. His fingers fall to the small of your back as he guides you inside.

You try to avoid the blatant stares from other residents. You’re still dressed in your work clothes, a simple t-shirt and pair of jeans, but you couldn’t look more like a fish out of water. Xiaojun doesn’t seem to mind, walking into the elevator and pressing the top floor button. You ride the elevator in silence, and your eyes nearly fall out of your head when you reach the penthouse.

The apartment is straight out of the movies. The decor is extravagant, and you’re afraid if you touch anything, you’ll have to pay a fine. Xiaojun leads you to the dining room, pulling out a chair for you, despite your confusion.

“You can finish your homework here. I’ll be in the study upstairs.”

“Wait wait wait,” you stop him, placing a hand on his chest. “You’re leaving?”

He grins. “Did you want me to stay?”

He was really going to make you beg for it. Your eyes narrow and you feel a burst of confidence run through you. You tilt your head up until you’re a few centimeters from his mouth.

“You said Daddy would give me more attention if I asked for it.”

He growls, eyes darkening. Before you know it, he has you pinned to the grand table, staring at you as if you’re his last meal. It’s your turn to smirk as his control snaps, fingers digging into your hips roughly.

“Think it’s fun to test me? The other girls before you were more behaved,” he hisses, eyes wandering to the valley of your breasts.

“But you don’t like that, do you? You like it when they disobey,” you murmur, pulling him closer to you. “You like giving them their punishment.”

Xiaojun’s lips are pressed to yours before you can even fully register what’s going on, his body locking you against the wood. You whimper, hands gripping his forearm to keep steady. It’s messy and frantic, and you can see all of the built up tension starting to show.

“What would Doyeon think of you whoring yourself out for money?” He snickers, making you feel small under his gaze. “I bet she would be so ashamed. Little one gave up her pride for a few thousand dollars?”

You whine. “It’s not like that.”

“But isn’t it?” He questions you, fingers unbuttoning your jeans and sliding them down your legs. You wish you had worn a sexier pair of panties today but Xiaojun seems satisfied nonetheless, snapping the elastic against your skin. “Can’t wait to get a taste of this cunt. That’s what you wanted, isn’t it, little one?”

You probably look pathetic like this — half of your body sprawled across Xiaojun’s dining table, pants around your ankles, and a large wet spot ruining the fabric of your underwear. You pitifully nod in response to his question, eyes locked on the bulge straining against his expensive trousers. He chuckles when he follows your line of sight.

“Hungry?”

You fall into the role so easily. “Yes, Daddy.”

He directs you on your knees, the cold marble floor sending a shiver up your spine. You eagerly watch him unbuckle his belt and exposing his leaking cock for you. The tip is red and angry, demanding to be touched.

“Go ahead, little one. Make Daddy feel good.”

You wrap your mouth around the tip, nearly moaning at the taste of him. You haven’t been intimate with someone in so long and his cock has your mouth watering.

“Good girl,” he soothes, pushing his cock further down your throat. Tears immediately spring into your eyes when he ignores your gag reflex, hands gripping the back of your head as he guided you. “Shh, doing so well for me, little one.”

You allow him to fuck your mouth, trying to brush aside the tears falling down your face and saliva pooling at the sides of your mouth. It’s filthy and you love it — you haven’t been used like this in months and you never realized how much you missed it.

“Your mouth is so perfect, fuck,” he groans. “I’ll pay for anything you want if you stay on your knees like this, all pretty for me.”

You gasp when he lets you breathe, pulling his cock away. He chuckles at you, fingers returning to stroke himself as he watches you regain yourself. He tugs you back on your feet, overlooking your wobbly legs and pushing you into the living room. You’re about to question him on what he’s doing until he’s shoving you up against his glass window. You gaze downwards, seeing a plethora of people passing by on the street and cars honking to one another. It’s a view you only see in the movies, and you know Xiaojun’s eager to fuck you into the fantasy.

His fingers slide into your underwear, breath hot against your neck. “Look at all of them down there, little one. Bet they want to be just like you, fucked so good for everyone to see. Even better when I cum inside you, hm?”

You freeze. “D-Daddy,” you whisper frantically. “I’m not on the pill.”

He’s silent behind your figure before you feel him playing with your folds, your wetness coating his hand.

“Isn’t that nice? What do you think of getting knocked up, little one? This entire place could be yours, you would never have to step foot in that ice cream shop again. All the wealth you never imagined, you could spend all day in bed with me while I stuff you full. You would look so pretty on Daddy’s arm. I wonder how many times we could sneak away from the crowd so I could fuck my cock into you. Wouldn’t that be a dream?”

You gasp, growing wetter by the second. He easily slides a finger into your heat and all common sense is thrown out of the window.

“Please fuck me, Daddy,” you beg. “Please please please. I’ll be good for you, I promise.”

He laughs at your desperation, pushing another digit inside. “Even though you’re not on the pill? How filthy of you, little one.”

It’s sick. You barely know this man but all you want is his cum inside you. You can imagine the headlines now — Millionaire’s Son Gets Poor Girl Pregnant. But you want it. You want it so badly.

You hear the tearing of your panties but you couldn’t give a fuck what happens to them, pushing yourself further into him. He laughs again at you, tip lining up to your entrance.

“Beg for it.”

You cry. “Please, Daddy! I want it, I’ve been so good for you! I’ll let you cum inside me and everyone can watch. I want them to see who I belong to.”

“Fuck,” he growls at your submission. You nearly scream when he pushes into you, his girth bigger and thicker than you’ve ever taken before. On top of that, you haven’t had sex in months and the stretch is almost unbearable. Your head rolls back but Xiaojun grips your chin and forces you to look outside the window. “Look at all those people, little one. They’re about to get a nice show.”

He gives you no time to adjust, thrusting into you like he wants to break you. His fingers tangle into your hair and he pulls roughly, causing you to yelp at the pain. You’re past the point of coherent thinking, Xiaojun’s cock fucking you so good you can barely talk.

“Good, little one?”

“Mmf,” you gurgle, gasping at the force of his movements. You can feel him in your throat, and it’s as if he’s waited all these weeks just to spill his seed into you.

You tumble over the edge when he pinches your clit, whispering the dirtiest confessions into your ear. “Needy whore,” he laughed sinisterly. “Probably can’t go a day without my cock after this. Going to be begging me for it, wanting me all the time now. I can’t wait to take you everywhere and anywhere I please. I’ll buy you so many cute outfits, little one. So many skirts that make it easy for me to slide right inside and fuck you until you’re crying for me.”

You clench around his cock and fall over the edge, your wetness spilling down your thighs.

“Daddy,” you breathlessly hiss, body going limp in his arms.

“You came so much for me, little one. Your slutty cunt is so good for me, isn’t it?”

“Please, Daddy,” you plead. “Please, Daddy. I want to feel your cum.”

“Yeah?” He grunts, the sound of his balls repeatedly slapping against your pussy echoes around the room. “You wanna get pregnant? All baby wants is a big fat cock to stuff her full of cum, hm?”

“Yes, yes, yes,” you cry out, not even caring how pitiful you look at this point. “Want it so badly.”

Your desperation snaps the cord inside of him and he spills every last drop into you. You whimper at the warm feeling, some of his cum starting to drip out and coat the inside of your thighs. You both attempt to catch your breaths, your legs feeling like jelly.

You’re about to move away from him until Xiaojun keeps you pinned to the window, stopping you from leaving.

“W-What are y-you doing?” You ask, still out of breath from the fucking you just received.

“I don’t think that was the one,” he muses, eyes locked on where you two are intertwined. He offers an experimental thrust that has you scrambling.

“No, no,” you sniffle, trying to move away from him again. “I can’t, I can’t.”

“I think you can,” he chuckles, enjoying the way your cunt wraps so nicely around his cock. “And you will. Haven’t gotten you pregnant yet, little one.”

You spend hours fucking like bunnies with Xiaojun taking you on almost every surface of his apartment. You don’t even care that you’re impregnated, allowing him to use you in any way he pleases while the sun falls under the skyline.

Your pride didn’t matter that much anyways.

#nct smut #wayv smut #xiaojun #xiaojun smut

1K notes · View notes

sinner-as-saint · 4 years

Text

when no one is around.

Butler!Steve x Reader AU

Run-through: You have had a shameless crush on your butler, Steve, ever since your parents hired him. And you’re even more shameless when it comes to showing it. Poor Steve always has to put up with you no matter what. He didn’t have much of a choice; mainly because he was in charge of your household, consequently, in charge of you but also because he likes you, even though he shouldn’t. Yet he always resists you and your charms, for multiple reasons. However, the man finally breaks and gives in to you, following some unholy circumstances…

Themes: age gap, smut, masturbation, slight voyeurism, slight daddy kink, bratty!reader, dom!Steve, daddy!steve, fluff, Butler!Steve, angst

You woke up to the sound of Steve’s voice, like you did every morning.

“Miss, it’s past eight thirty. If you don’t wake up now, you’re going to be very late for work and your father will not be thrilled.”

You groaned and tried to hide under your blanket knowing that that would buy you at least another minute or two. And it did. A couple of minutes later you heard Steve sigh.

“Miss, will you please just wake up?”

You peaked from under your blanket and stared at the eye candy standing right beside your bed in a white shirt, black tux with a bow tie and white gloves. You couldn’t understand how he was a butler when he belonged on the front cover of a magazine. Tall, handsome and older. Just your type.

“Can’t you be a little more loving, Steve? I don’t know, wake me up with a kiss or flowers or something romantic like that.” You teased, sitting up in the middle of your bed and stretching your arms and ignoring the way your thighs clenched together at the sight of him.

He stood there watching you, trying his hardest not to stare while fighting back a smirk. “That would be highly inappropriate, Miss.”

You sighed, reluctantly getting out of bed and stood right in front of him. “What’s highly inappropriate is you having the nerve to look like that all the time.” You took the liberty of leaning in and pressing yourself against him. He raised an eyebrow at you. “Do you have any idea what it does to me? Do you know how bad I wanna just-”

He gently pushed you away. “No.” He shut you up softly. “Now be quick, you have little time. Breakfast and your car will be waiting downstairs in thirty minutes.”

You rolled your eyes at him and rushed into your bathroom. As you got ready, you thought of the past almost six years. Steve has played a huge part in your life.

You still remembered the day your parents announced that they had hired a butler who would handle the household better since they were always away. It was important to have someone to look after you too, given you were the only one who lived in the big, empty house most of the time.

And in walked Steve, straight into your home and your heart. Upon hearing the name ‘Steve Rogers’ you had expected an older gentleman, much older. But then upon seeing Steve for the first time, you were swooned. Totally whipped at the sight of the muscular, suave and drop dead gorgeous man. Brownish blond hair, blue eyes, dashing. He carried himself with elegance. Just his gait was enough to make your heart go all crazy.

You remember thinking to yourself, how the hell would you be able to stay sane with a man that gorgeous around you all the time? Obviously you knew you had a crush on him since the very start. But as the days went by, that meaningless crush morphed into something a little more solid without you even knowing.

You liked Steve, more than you intended to perhaps. Unfortunately, for him you were just his masters’ daughter. He dodged every attempt you made at flirting with him. He always let you down gently though; always with a smile or a smirk or a soft look in his eyes.

And the more he pushed you away, the bolder you got. And you began hearing these phrases more frequently;

“Miss, this is highly inappropriate.” - Whenever you shamelessly flirted with him.

“Miss, I am too old for you.” - Which wasn’t that big of an issue for you personally. He wasn’t old, old. He was in his early forties and you were in your twenties. You knew people with age gaps bigger than that who were happy together.

“Miss, for the love of God, behave.” - your personal favorite.

You never crossed the line though. You sure did tease him a lot, day and night. But he always kept his calm and composure, never breaking. Although there were times when he almost did.

Like the time you were getting ready for a party and you needed some help with your dress. You called out for him and he appeared in your bedroom instantly. He couldn’t help but let his eyes roam your half exposed body.

“Can you zip me up?” You stood in front of your mirror, your back exposed, waiting. That was the first time he seemed really nervous around you. He walked up to you and zipped up your dress, slowly, taking his time. His soft, white gloves lazily grazed your skin while he pulled the zipper up, leaving goosebumps behind on your skin. He stood behind you for a moment or two, just staring at your reflection with his lips parted after he was done. “How do I look?” you asked, mischief in your eyes.

He swallowed audibly. “Beautiful.”

Then there was the time when you felt really bold and wore a see-through white, oversized t-shirt over some bright red underwear while parading around the house casually going about your day. Steve saw you and almost dropped the tray he was carrying.

“Oh hi Steve.” You smirked when you caught his gawking for a moment or two.

He recovered and peeled his eyes off you, looking down at his shoes before looking back up at you with a defeated look in his eyes. “Where are the rest of your clothes might I ask?”

“In the laundry bin.”

He sighed. “I had fresh laundry sent to your room just this morning.”

“They’re all dirty.”

“All of them?” he sounded frustrated. Not necessarily because of the topic of discussion but because of your rather scandalous appearance; sprawled on the couch carelessly while dressed like that. You knew just how to make a man lose his mind.

“Yes.”

“How?”

You pretended to think for a moment. “I soiled them while painting this morning.”

“You don’t paint.” He knew you were lying, being a brat as usual.

“I started this morning.”

He sighed, allowing his shameless eyes to take you in one last time before he walked away shaking his head mumbling under his breath about how you were incorrigible. You made it hard for him to go about his day in peace with your little antics, in more ways than one.

Then there was the very famous: “What would you like for breakfast today?” he’d ask almost every morning.

To which you replied, “You.” on a daily basis and it earned the same reaction out of him each time. He’d roll his eyes at you, resisting the urge to have indecent thoughts as best as he could.

Steve was torn between wanting to be strictly professional and wanting to give in to your relentless attempts of seduction. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t into you, or had never had an immoral thought when it came to you.

He thought of you all the time, mainly because his job required him to but also out of genuine concern for your well-being. You were a kind, smart, courageous and beautiful young woman - or rather you could be all this when you weren’t being a brat. Steve had seen the kind of dedication you put towards your work; while handling a huge chunk of the family business. He always admired you for how well you managed the burden your parents placed on your young shoulders.

He sometimes caught you letting out tears of frustration when the stress got too much. Or when you missed your parents because they barely ever came home. You basically lived alone here, in this big, empty house your parents owned. Steve often wondered what would happen to you if he wasn’t here to take care of you. He liked you, a lot. But there were factors which didn’t let him reciprocate what you felt for him.

First being his job, then his age, then the fear of your parents finding out and what they would do to him if they did. Besides, he thought, you were young. Young people feel things for people left and right without ever truly meaning it, correct?

Though that never stopped him from feeling the tension that exists between the two of you. Fiery, hot, burning; it was always there. Even when there were other people around, or when your eyes met for a brief moment. Even on days when you weren’t being a little brat, when you weren’t seeking his attention all the time, even then he couldn’t ignore it. It was there, present loudly.

This flirty, tension filled bond between the two of you remained constant for years. But it wasn’t always just inappropriate and sexual. Steve had been a friend, a confidant, a good listener to you more times than you could count.

With your parents always gone, and you having to bear some of the burden of your parents’ companies, it left you with little to no time with friends and family at all. Some you unfortunately drifted away from due to work, others just stopped reaching out or simply refused to understand your busy lifestyle.

But the one person who was always there for you, always fiercely loyal and constant; no matter how much of a brat you were, no matter how much you annoyed him all the time, no matter how dirty your jokes were, was Steve. Naturally, you unknowingly fell for him at some point - despite knowing that this would go nowhere.

Or would it?

Your daily routines barely changed. It always started and ended the same way. Steve would wake you up, you would annoy him a little, get dressed and ready for work, get to work, go to lunch with your assistant almost every day, get back home, annoy Steve a little more until he leaves. Only for him to come back the next day and repeat.

The days you hated the most were Steve’s off days. Fridays.

With him not around, your days weren’t as animated and fun. No one to tease, no one to be a brat to, no one to annoy. Your other staff members were great, but none quite like Steve.

So Friday, you turned in early for the night. Your housemaids and everyone else had already left so it was just you in an empty house. You tried reading, then got bored. TV wasn’t really helping either.

You tossed and turned in bed until you realized what was wrong; you were feeling frisky. You groaned, if only you had someone to take care of those needs of yours. More precisely someone with bronde hair, blue eyes, and a taut, muscular body which was always found under a crisp black tux, white shirt, black bow tie and white gloves… and a voice which made you feel things you hadn’t felt before.

As you thought of your sexy butler, your hand found its way in between your legs. Your other hand toyed with your breasts; fingers pinched your erected nipples as your back arched off the bed slightly. You sighed in pleasure.

Your flushed, naked body writhed on the silky, cool satin sheets as your fingers toyed with your wet folds. You moaned as your two fingers slipped inside your entrance with ease given that you were dripping already.

You moaned at the thought of a certain pair of blue eyes, and soft lips as your back arched off the bed again, the cold air mercilessly hit your bare chest and caused your nipples to erect even further. Your fingers effortlessly slipped in and out of you; your fingers ever so gently stroking your walls making every nerve of yours tingle. The palm of your hand rubbed against your sensitive clit over and over again as your moans got louder and louder.

What you didn’t know, was that hidden in the shadows just outside your partially open bedroom door, stood Steve. Lips parted, short breaths, heart racing, his blood rushing downwards as he watched you. He was too aware of everything; his body and yours, his immoral thoughts and your own, how your lust and hunger ignited him. Aware of your soft moans, and the fire in his loins.

He felt guilty, and very ashamed of himself as he took in your bare body. But he couldn’t stop looking. He was entranced; hungry just to have a taste. He begged his body to move away from your doorway, but he didn’t budge. It wasn’t like he was purposely peeping or being a creep.

It was his day off, and yet he dropped by for a casual check, like he had the habit of doing even on days when he wasn’t working because he still had to make sure you were alright. But normally when he dropped by, your bedroom door was always shut so he knew that you were fast asleep.

But today, he found soft, golden light coming through your bedroom. He had to make sure you’re okay but then he saw that the door was almost halfway open, and he investigated further and saw something he wasn’t supposed to. You. Naked on your bed. Touching yourself. And now, he couldn’t look away.

His cock was throbbing at this point and it was difficult to ignore it. He shamelessly drank in the sight of your naked body against the silky sheets. The way your back arched off the bed, the way you bit your lip to hold back your sinful moans, the way he could just tell that your shorts breaths would feel so warm against his skin… fuck, he had goosebumps and a shiver danced down his spine.

He begged himself to slowly walk away, and he almost did. But then he heard you moan his name. And he lost his mind.

“Steve… daddy, please…” you mewled, whimpering under your breath as you took yourself higher and higher.

Steve froze in place, he had never known his name could sound so gentle and vulgar at the same time. He was almost panting as he let his sinful eyes roam your naked body, and he wasn’t even being stimulated in any way, just the sight of you and the sound of your voice was bringing him on the edge.

He was a mess.

He could just walk into that room and give you all that you’ve been practically begging him for all this time, but that would mean risking all that he has now. Or he could simply leave, and pretend this never happened. Self-abuse under a cold shower once he gets back to his apartment would work best. However, he’d have to come back here tomorrow, now with the recollection of what he was currently seeing.

How will he be able to resist you from now on when he could barely take his eyes off you now?

That’s enough, Steve. He managed to slowly back away from your doorway and into the corridor which would lead him to the staircase. As he walked away, he heard your slightly louder moans as you came. Fuck. He stood at the landing, in the dark and groaned internally. Oh how pretty you must have looked, coming undone all over your pretty fingers. It drove him crazy just knowing that he’s the one you think of when you touch yourself.

As discreetly as he could, Steve walked out of your home, rushed into his car and drove past the gates as fast as he could. Needless to say, he had quite some trouble falling asleep that night.

---

You noticed some changes in Steve’s behaviour the next day when he showed up. He was avoiding you, you noticed that the minute you saw him. He wouldn’t look you in the eyes. He would barely be able to hold a conversation for too long. He seemed… shy and timid, definitely not his usual confident self around you.

You tried to start up a conversation but his replies were just dry. You thought that perhaps he was having a bed day, or he woke up feeling grumpy. So you let him be. You didn’t annoy him all day. But at the same time, having him around but not having his attention was driving you crazy. You hated it.

“Steve, what’s wrong?” you asked him at some point during the day. You were in the kitchen at the time and he walked in.

He wasn’t expecting to find you there so he seemed visibly nervous. “I… uh, nothing. Everything is fine.” He cleared his throat and straightened his back a little more. “Did you need anything, Miss?”

You could tell he was avoiding the topic, whatever it was. “No,” you answered, “nothing.” You walked out of the kitchen feeling a little troubled by his behaviour. You frowned as you walked upstairs into your study room. Since you were feeling gloomy, you decided to do some boring work until you figured out what to do with yourself.

Checking the security camera footage was something your father insisted on. You had people for that, but your dad said that it was important you did it yourself just to make sure everything around the house is in order. So you sat back in your seat, rewinding all the footage of the week and sped through it, bored out of your mind.

Surely you wouldn’t find anything because your staff members were all-

You almost fell out of your chair when you saw the footage of last night. 5th indoor camera which surveilled the spacious corridor which led to your bedroom. You checked the time on the frame, it was around 11 p.m and you saw Steve walking up to your partly open bedroom door. 11 p.m ish, around that time pretty sure you were… oh…

You were very well aware that Steve has the habit of coming by to check up on everything even on his days off, you just never knew at what time he came by. Apparently last night he came at the wrong time. Or not...?

You watched the footage of him standing there frozen in place. He took a step back from your door, then inched forward again. Then backed away, then leaned forward again, and you could tell he must have debated turning back around and leaving multiple times but he didn’t. Oh?

Your lips lifted up in a smirk as you pieced it all together. So this is why he’s been acting weird all day? Your devious mind came up with a plan.

Steve left that evening, after ignoring you for the entire day and you decided to be a little bit more of a pain in his lovely ass. So you waited for an hour after he left, and then drove all the way to his apartment. Nothing but mischief on your mind.

When you showed up at his doorstep, he was surprised but still maintained his calm and composure. You shamelessly checked him out; he looked like a god even in his sweatpants and white sweater. His damp, messy hair gave away that he must have just stepped out of the shower. Hot.

“Hello Steve.” Your smirk gave away that you were up to no good and he caught on pretty quickly. He gave you a faint smile.

“How come you’re h-,” You cut him off by opening his front door wider and taking the liberty of stepping into his home like an insolent little brat. He sighed as he shut the door behind him and followed you in. “Do you know that it’s considered quite rude to just barge into someone’s home?”

You stopped right before entering his living room. You turned around to face him with a sly smirk. “And do you know that it’s considered rude to come into someone’s home at night and openly spy on them while they’re naked and touching themselves? Hmm?” You had no shame. Also nothing to hide given he had seen it all.

The look on Steve’s face was priceless. He was less bothered about how you figured and more worried about what would follow now. His job could be at risk yes, but what must you be thinking? He couldn’t figure you out.

“That’s not what… I was-,” He looked frustrated and nervous, but also guilty. “I wasn’t spying, I didn’t…” He sighed, trying not to stutter. “Listen, that’s not what-”

You cut him off again by walking up to him. “It’s alright. I don’t mind.” You said with a flirty smile. “In fact, it would’ve been better if you just walked into the room.” You heard him gasp as you leaned in closer to him, whispering in his ear, “Because I was thinking about you while I was pleasuring myself,” you giggled, “but I think you know that already.” You pulled away to look at him. He was flushed. Troubled. Dare you say, aroused.

The memories of last night filled his mind. He remained silent, still processing your words and wondering how he should handle this situation. You spoke again, “If I had known you were there watching me, I would’ve put up a better show.” His handsome face was void of any emotion. He was confused, but also burning.

He was feeling too much at the same time, he didn’t know how to act. Not to mention that your words sent chills all over his body. He was barely able to maintain his calm demeanor any longer.

Silence.

You spoke up again. “If you want, I can do it right now.” You noticed how his hands flexed at his sides. He was struggling. You smirked. “What, you shamelessly watch me get off and now you’re acting all calm and collected?” You reached out and gently trailed a finger down his forearm. You watched him shiver for a moment. “Come on Steve,” your hand moved right to the bulge in his sweatpants, “admit it, you want me.” You teased him by gently feeling his erection. It excited you just as much as it did him.

He finally spoke up. “Y/N… we shouldn’t.” Fuck but he wanted to. He was dying to just reach out and touch you. He kept thinking about how you looked last night; bare, lying in your bed and touching yourself so gently. Your moans… they had tormented him all night even after he got home. His accelerated heartbeats echoed in his ears as he stood unmoving under your wild stare. He swallowed audibly, knowing he wouldn’t be able to resist you for long. His primal, feral desires surfaced more and more as you spoke and he was hungry. Like a wild animal in heat.

You rolled your eyes at him. “Oh?” You walked around him, circling like he was a prey. When you stood right behind him, you stood on your tiptoes and leaned in to whisper again, lips brushing against the shell of his ear. “But what you did was highly inappropriate Mr. Rogers. Can you imagine what that would do to your reputation, should people find out?” You kissed down along his neck, from his ear to the side of his lower jaw where you could feel his pulse. You scoffed, “Your heart is racing, Steve. Give in. I’ll let you do whatever you want with me.” You whispered softly.

He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath while trying to ignore the pressure in between his legs. His cock was throbbing. His hands were almost shaking as he held back from touching you. He could so easily just pin you to the wall and have his way. He so desperately wanted to. But… he shouldn’t. You were his bosses’ daughter.

Despite knowing it was futile because you had the reputation of getting whatever you wanted, be it in your personal or professional life, he still tried to act responsibly rather than just giving in to his burning desire and instincts.

“I’m not one of your business deals, Y/N. You can come in here and talk terms with me in my own home.” He sounded frustrated and… hot.

You walked back around and stood right in front of him. Judging by the look in your eyes, he knew what was coming and he silently accepted defeat. “Why? What’s so special about your home?”

He stepped closer, stopping at just inches away from you. “Careful, Y/N.” His tone caused you to stop smirking. “My home, so I make the rules. When I tell you to stop being a little brat, you stop being a little brat.” The way he looked down at you only made you want to misbehave even more.

“Else what?”

And that was it. There went all the self-control he had. His eyes, dangerous and mean stared into yours as he stepped closer, grabbed you by the throat gently and pulled your face closer to his. Your lips parted as you struggled to breath right - not because of his grip around your throat, but because of the proximity. You could feel his body heat and it made you whimper.

“Else you’re gonna have to deal with the consequences. I’m gonna have to teach your bratty self how to behave.” He chuckled darkly. “But something tells me you’d like that, wouldn’t you babygirl?” He could tell by you whimpered that you would most definitely love that.

“Steve,” you were at a loss of words. But you were so ready. “Please…”

He smirked. “You’ve been a bad, bad girl for so long. Teasing me, tormenting me,” He leaned in to whisper in your ear, “touching yourself while thinking of me. Who said you could do that? Hmm? Did you ask for permission?”

“No…” you felt your arousal drip out of you at the sound of his lewd words.

“From now on, you will come to me when your greedy, little cunt needs to be taken care of. Or you will touch yourself only when I give you permission to. Do you understand?”

“Yes.” Your voice sounded shaky already.

“Yes what?”

Your walls clenched around nothing down there as you uttered the words, “Yes daddy.”

He smiled. “Good girl.” He whispered and as he looked behind you, you saw how his deep blue eyes lit up once he saw something. “But since you’ve been such a brat lately, you still need to be taught a lesson. Don’t you think?”

You nodded. He let go of your throat. “Anytime you want me to stop, just say so. Okay?” You nodded again as he slowly walked the two of you back until your legs hit the couch. He caught you by the arm before you fell backwards. “Bend over the armrest.”

You did what he asked, supporting yourself up with your elbows. And let out a soft moan when you felt his warm hands slipping under your little dress and kneading your butt

“Daddy’s gonna spank you until your pretty little cunt is dripping, is that okay babygirl?” His voice got you all flustered and whiny.

“Yes daddy.”

“Good.” He dragged your underwear down till your ankles, waited for you to step out of them and lifted your dress up. He lifted his hand up in the air and brought it down to spank your ass. You whimpered in pleasure as the tingles died down eventually. “That’s for being a bratty little girl all the time.”

Spank! “That’s for torturing daddy, and teasing him all day when he’s just trying to get work done.”

You let out a little moan as he spanked you again. “That’s for always doing the exact opposite of what I ask you to, causing you to then ask for help for every little thing.” Spank! You moaned louder as his fingers trailed down to your wet folds, teasing you. “Daddy has to help you out with every little thing, isn’t it?” He chuckled, leaning down to kiss the back of your neck, “That’s okay. Daddy loves it.”

Your skin burned under his lips. You were breathless, desperately wanting more.

Spank! His hand lingered on your skin a little longer this time, caressing where it felt sore. “That’s for being a whiny little brat when you don’t always get what you want, when you want it.” Spank! “Such a spoilt brat, aren’t you babygirl?”

You let out a breathless moan. You wanted more. He could tell by the way you pushed your butt out more and more each time after each spank. “Please…”

He smirked and slid his hand further down, stroking your wet folds. “You’re so wet.” He cooed and lifted his hand and spanked you again. And again. And again. You whimpered in pleasure and slight pain.

Spank! He smacked your dripping core instead of your butt. Your whole body tingled as he pulled you up against him again, your sore ass pressing into his erected cock, making both of you groaned under your breaths. “You did so good, babygirl.” His hand traveled to your front and under your dress and he touched your wet core. “You’re so wet for daddy,” He mumbled in your ear, “but you can’t cum yet.” You whined again. He chuckled. “Now you know how it feels when you tease daddy all the time. It’s not fun, is it babygirl?”

“No.” You answered as he gave you space to turn around and face him. “It’s not. I’m sorry.” You stared at his lips and he noticed.

“You know what would make daddy really happy though?” That made you look up into his irresistible eyes. “If you got down on your knees like a good girl, and sucked daddy’s cock and made him feel good.” He leaned in to brush his lips against yours. “Won’t you do that? Won’t you be a good girl for daddy?”

You nodded frantically. Excited. But also needy.

He plopped down onto the couch, manspreading and making you whimper just looking at him. “Come here,” he pointed in between his legs. “Kneel.”

You did as he asked. He took your hand and placed it right on his erection. You bit your lower lip as you felt him; big and hard. Your hands hurried to lower the waistband of his sweats to free his erected cock. The sight of his perfect cock had you whining with need again.

“Go on babygirl. Suck.” His voice was deeper than usual and it sent a shiver along your spine.

You wrapped your fingers around his cock and placed your mouth on his tip; your tongue slowly circling his tip. Steve held your head gently and slowly pushed himself deeper into your mouth. You bobbed your head around his tip; taking him in slowly until he hit the back of your throat.

He gripped your hair gently, moaning as he told you how much of a good girl you were. The sounds of his moans and grunts only made you whimper with his cock in your mouth. Your ass was sore, but that was the last thing on your mind. Right now, you needed to be Steve’s good girl.

He twitched against your tongue and you tasted some of his pre cum which signified that he wasn’t going to last very long. His taste was all you could focus on; his raw taste and the feeling of his smooth skin against your tongue and the top of your mouth.

He looked down at you and moaned again, he loved the sight of your spit coating his cock. You looked perfect on your knees, taking him so well just like he wanted you to.

You looked up and met his wild, blue eyes. Just to mess with him, you took his cock out of your mouth and teased him a little bit more; licking his length from bottom to top while your hands toyed with his balls. He swore under his breath as you dragged your warm tongue over the slit of his tip lazily.

He looked down at you with a smirk and a warning in his eyes and that was all it took for you to take him back into your mouth and suck on his cock until he came undone all over your tongue.

He gripped your hair, moaning loudly as he came. “Fuck.” He threw his head back to catch his breath. “Such a good girl.” he mumbled, looking down at you as you licked him clean; pulling his sweats back up before you climbed onto his lap, wiggling on purpose.

He pulled you closer, making you grind against his semi-erected cock. You whined in need. “Aww, what is it babygirl? You want daddy?” he cooed, mocking you. He loved the effect his voice had on you.

You nodded, pleading with your eyes as best you could. You needed him so bad, it hurt. “Please daddy.”

He cupped your face and leaned in for a kiss. You felt his tongue stroke the top of your mouth, and his hands touched you wherever he could. A gentle, deep kiss; the kind that made your heart flutter and made your knees weak. He undressed you slowly, and you him.

Once done, neither one of you could keep your hands off each other.

“Steve… please,” you mumbled against his lips. He could feel your hunger, which then fueled his. Skin on skin, the desire burning between you two could no longer be ignored.

He smirked. “I know baby, I know...” He whispered against your lips before flipping the two of you around and asking you to turn around and grip the back of the couch.

He got up and stood behind you. You knelt on the couch in front of him, legs spread apart, hands gripping the back of the couch with your back to him. You could feel him right there behind you.

He gripped your hair gently into a makeshift ponytail, and pulled your head back just enough to take your breath away. His soft, warm lips hovered over the side of your throat, kissing along your neck as his other hand reached around and toyed with your folds; his fingers furiously toying with your clit and making you moan.

“This is all you wanted, huh? To be fucked, and owned. You wanted my cock so badly, didn’t you?” His voice was deep and raspy when he spoke, his tongue licking along your neck while he abruptly stopped toying with your folds. “All this time, you’ve been practically begging me to fuck you. Well now’s the time baby. Go on, beg for me.”

You whimpered. Your body was on fire. You couldn’t take it any longer. You begged; wantonly, shamelessly. He chuckled and tugged harder on your hair, making you whimper and moan even more. “That’s a good girl.”

He gripped each side of your hips, tightly; spreading your legs apart a little more as he aligned his cock to your entrance. You shivered in anticipation as you waited. You couldn’t see him, and in front of you, through the large glass floor-to-ceiling window, you had a lovely view of the city lights but that didn’t matter anymore.

He hand reached around and gently grabbed you by the throat again. “Are we good, babygirl? You okay?”

You nodded quickly, heart racing, your body heated. “Yes, yes please...” You mumbled.

He gave you a gentle kiss on your cheek, his stubble pressing into your skin. You closed your eyes and bit your lower lip as his soft lips kissed along your lower jaw. “I’m gonna fuck your sweet little cunt until you’re shaking…” he murmured, more so to himself.

With a slow, steady push, he inserted his length into you. He groaned and grunted as he filled you up entirely. You heard his ragged breaths right by your ear as he removed himself out and pushed himself back into you again; your ass cheek pressing into his pelvic bone as he pounded into you.

You shuddered as you felt all of him, while he mumbled about how good you were. He panted in your ear, kissing the side of your face as his hand left your throat and roamed around your body, touching you wherever he could, memorizing the shape of you until he finally cupped your core and played with your swollen clit. Your moans were incessant, you could already feel a sore throat coming.

“You feel so good, baby…” he mumbled, slamming into you relentlessly, stretching you out and pounding into you like his life depended on it; the sounds of your skin slapping one another resonated around the room.

“Fuck…” his voice cracked as he moaned under his breath.

You could feel your walls clench around him, and tighten around his thick member; making him swear out loud. Your body moved along with his, your legs felt numb as he relentlessly slammed into you.

Your moans got louder and he bent down to kiss along your shoulder blades and the back of your neck. “Take me, babygirl. Take all of me like you’ve dreamt of so many times…” he whispered against your skin as he rocked into you, faster and faster. He could barely hold it together himself but he had to give you what you’ve been wanting this whole time.

You were a teary mess, he couldn’t see but he could tell by the sound of your voice. The view of the city in front of you was now getting blurrier with each passing second. Yet, you still wanted more.

You cried out loud in pleasure as his hands gripped your hips, pushing you into him more and more each time he filled you up. You felt a sweet pressure forming in between your legs, intensifying each time the tip of his cock brushed against your sensitive spot.

“Steve…” you cried, unable to handle the pleasure. It was overwhelming.

He slowed down for just a second. “I’m right here, baby.” He kissed the side of your face. “I’m here, it’s okay. Are you gonna cum for me? You’re gonna be a good girl and cum for daddy? Hmm?”

You nodded, now a whimpering, tear-stained mess. He took you higher… and higher…

“Cum for me.” his voice was all it took for you to come undone. You came hard without any warning.

He didn’t slow down as you felt your orgasm wash over you, he kept pounding into you as your eyes rolled back; kept slamming into you, chasing his own orgasm as your walls clenched around him, squeezing him like he had dreamt of last night.

He gripped your hair in his fist and tugged on it again, moaning right in your ear as he felt his orgasm forming. Your walls tightened around him, and he groaned as he came undone right after you; buried deep within you. His warm cum shoot at your walls and trickled out of you when he carefully removed his length from your entrance.

You were struggling to hold yourself up, your legs shaking and your body trembling. But Steve held you against him as he threw himself on the couch, pulling you into his lap. His body was damp and warm, and you loved the feeling of his strong arms around you. You buried your face into the crook of his neck.

He rubbed along your sides as he whispered comforting words in your ear. His hands rubbing your body everywhere he could. “You did so good, baby.”

---

You don’t remember getting to Steve’s bed the previous night, but that’s where you woke up; under his warm sheets, a pair of lips kissing your face gently.

“Wake up, Miss.”

You groaned. “Don’t call me that.” You mumbled from under the sheets. You tried sitting up and you felt sore in places you didn’t know one could feel sore. Steve caught the frown on your face and when you looked up and to send him a death glare, he just chuckled.

You noticed that he was dressed already.

“Come on now. We have to go.”

You hid under the blankets again. “No.”

He sighed. Of course, he should’ve known he’d have to deal with all your antics again. “You need to get home, and I need to get to work. Now come on, we have to go.”

You peaked from under the blankets. “Give me a kiss first.” You bargained.

He rolled his eyes and walked up to his bed, leaning over you. “You’re just gonna pull me back into bed with you and then we’re both not going to want to leave at all.”

You held both your hands out, “Just one kiss, I promise.”

He gave in, he leaned in and cupped your face with one hand and pressed his lips to yours. It started out all gentle and slow but then you pulled him closer by the back of his neck and he accidentally let out a moan. You tried pulling him back under the covers but he pulled away right before he gave in completely.

“No.” He pulled away. “Home, now.” He used the same tone as he did when waking you up for work each day.

You groaned and eventually, reluctantly, got out of his bed.

---

Everything was going great after that night.

Your days just got a whole lot better with Steve around. Sure, you kept being the brat that you are, just so he could drag you all the way to your bedroom and ‘teach you how to behave’ at any time during the day.

It was safe to say that you began catching feelings for each other. You brightened up Steve’s days and him yours. Bathroom quickies, morning sex, and spending nights together quickly became more frequent than you expected.

You teased him just the same, and it almost always resulted in him fucking you just how you wanted him to.

All was well.

Until your parents came home for a weekend out of nowhere. And they left just as quickly as they came but their arrival made Steve feel terrible. Steve couldn’t help but feel guilty when your father asked him if he was taking good care of you. Obviously, he guarded your little secret well. But he felt terrible, like he was betraying your parents.

He wasn’t supposed to do this. Above all, he shouldn’t have even thought that he could be with you. Really, what was he thinking? This was wrong. He worked for your parents, and you. This was unprofessional. Inappropriate.

You noticed that his stand-offish manner remained even after your parents were gone. So you confronted him about it one morning.

“Is everything okay between us?”

He looked up at you, and nodded. Truth is, he didn’t know how to let you down.

“Steve, seriously.”

He sighed. He walked over to where you stood and faced you with a look which gave away what he might have been thinking all this time. “This has to stop.”

Your heart raced. “What does?”

He pointed between you and him. “This.”

You were sure you could fix whatever was wrong. “If you’re worried about mom and dad finding out then-,”

He cut you off. “No. Listen to me. I feel like I’m doing the wrong thing here, like I’m leading you on because… let’s face it, we can never be together.” He could visibly see how he was breaking your heart. He took a deep breath. “I should have tried to make you see sense. I shouldn’t have… used you. I can’t help but feel like I’m using you, I-,”

You cut him off this time. “Steve, you’re not.” He stepped forward to cup his face but he caught your hands before you could, pulling away from you.

“You don’t understand. This… this can’t happen. It probably isn’t real. What you feel for me could be something else and you’re mistaken and-,”

You couldn’t believe him. “How dare you?” You got defensive really quickly, trying to hide how it hurt.

He got quiet. Maybe this was the wrong way of dealing with this situation?

You straightened your back and took a step away from him. “Look, if you don’t want me anymore then just say so. Don’t make silly excuses, we’re not children.”

He spoke up quickly. “All I’m saying is that you’re young. Perhaps you’re not thinking straight. Look, I’ve mistaken lust for love too in the past, when I was younger. It’s not-,”

You stopped him before he hurt you even more. You were hurt, but mostly angry at this point. “Just because I’m younger than you doesn’t mean that my feelings aren’t real or valid, or that I don’t know what I want. Also you have no right to water down my feelings like that. Who are you to tell me what I feel? How fucking dare you?”

He realized he must have dealt with this differently. But it was too late now, he hurt you. The sight of your watery eyes was unbearable, knowing that he’s the one who caused it. I’m sorry, babygirl. “Y/N, I’m just-,”

You raised your voice. “Enough!” You didn’t let your tears fall in front of him. “Screw you, Steve.” You grabbed your bag and made your way out of your house, got in the car and drove to work in anger and your heart aching.

You cried in the car before you got out. What happened? Everything was so perfect. Why did he feel this way all of a sudden? To a point where he made himself believe that what you felt for him wasn’t real? Where did that even come from? Did he think that you were just a confused young girl, seeking attention?

That bit really hurt. It hurt more because you fell for him, hard and it wasn’t something you could control.

You started your day rough, and it seemed it was only going to get worse because you’d be replaying the scene from the kitchen this morning all day long.

As for Steve, he was equally a mess as you were. He kept cursing himself as he tried his hardest to go about his day but the thought of your teary face this morning was haunting him in broad daylight.

He could’ve been less mean, more understanding. You were human after all. How could he have hurt you like that when all he ever cared for this whole time was your well-being?

He was upstairs doing something when your bedroom door caught his eye. He stepped in and immediately regretted all that he did this morning. It was unfair towards you and now he felt even more guilty.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, standing in the middle of your room. It smelt like you; floral, fierce and enticing. His favorite girl, how could have hurt you so much? He felt guilty, but perhaps he failed to see how happy he actually made you.

His eyes fell on your freshly made bed. In the past month following that night at his apartment, he had spent quite some nights here. Memories of all times spent with you, not just for the past month, but the past years as well flashed in his mind.

Oh he had fucked up.

He walked out of your bedroom, already taking his gloves off. He needed to change and go find you and apologize before it gets worse.

You were in the middle of yet another business call when you heard a knock on your door. You quickly wrapped up the call and called out in annoyance, “Come in.” You had been quite moody since this morning.

Steve was the last person you expected to enter your office this afternoon. You stood up immediately; not having the heart to tell him to get out. All your anger vanished the minute you saw him standing there, all that was left was the hurt. And fuck did it hurt.

He closed the door behind him and lingered around the door itself, still wondering how he should start his apology. Also the broken look in your eyes felt like a thousand daggers piercing him all at the same time.

“Came to tell me some more about how much of a stupid, young and confused girl I am?” You sassed. Your go-to method of dealing with emotions was to be as sassy and as ruthless as humanly possible, Steve was aware of that.

He sighed. “I came to apologize. I shouldn’t have said all that.” He took a deep breath and kept going. “I felt terrible when I spoke to your parents.” He finally confessed. “They trust me to take good care of you, like a guardian. But I have been…” he couldn’t find the right words. “I felt guilty. And it’s not your fault, but I couldn’t figure out how to deal with all this. I thought maybe if I push you away it would… I don’t know. I don’t know, Y/N. I’m sorry I hurt you.”

You listened, trying to grasp the reasons why he said what he said this morning.

“Then what made you think that I might be confused about what I feel?” You questioned.

He took a step forward, feeling terrible now that he was voicing out everything. “I don’t know, I thought that you- that maybe you… I-,’

You cut him off, repeating your question because you could tell he had an answer but didn’t want to tell you. “What made you think so, Steve? The truth, please.”

He stared into your eyes for a few seconds. “I thought that perhaps you weren’t sure about your feelings… for me. Why would you fall for someone like me, I mean, I work for your parents.” He let out a dry chuckle. “I thought that maybe you were mistaking everything that’s been happening since that night at my apartment to be… something it’s not.”

You scoffed. You simplified and rephrased what he had just said, “So you think that I’ve been going on about how much you mean to me just because you fuck me good?”

That felt like a slap across his face. “That’s not-,”

“Do you even like me? Or is it just… I don’t know, convenient sex to you?”

He had the same look of hurt on his face which you had this morning. “Don’t you dare say that. You know how I feel about you.” He had told you many times how he feels and he meant it. The fact that you even questioned him hurt.

You scoffed and nodded. You walked around your desk, stopping at the side of it. “Take a seat.”

He looked confused for a moment. “What?”

“Take a seat, Steve.” You pointed to one of the chairs and he walked right over without any question.

Your heart burned as you looked at him, wanting to just shower him with tender love and affection but you had to clear some things up first.

He looked up at you with his deep blue eyes, wondering if he had lost you for good. It would kill him if that were the case. He could no longer imagine his days without you.

“Do you remember the night of my 20th birthday, Steve?” You asked.

He looked down at his lap and cracked a little smile. “That was 6 years ago, Y/N. It’s a little blurry.”

You smiled at the memory. “Mom and dad were away, as usual. But they promised they would make it back before the night ends, for my birthday dinner. But then, they both forgot about it and later blamed it on the workload. I went to bed crying that night, like I had all day.” As you narrated that day, it helped him remember a little bit. You continued, “But then someone knocked on my door. It was you, standing there with a little cupcake and a candle. It was your day off but you were the only one who didn’t forget that it was my birthday.”

He remembered it now. He remembered how he found your little teary face when you opened your bedroom door and how you jumped in his arms.

He remained quiet.

You kept going. “The year after that, I begged mom and dad to be home for Christmas because I was dying to have some family time with them. But they called and said they couldn’t make it. Do you know who put with my shit and helped me decorate the entire house with obnoxious Christmas music on? You.”

He smiled a little bigger at the memory. He remembered how you pouted and followed him around the entire day, asking him to help you with decoration. He remembers the way his heart fluttered when he saw the biggest, most genuine smile on your face after he agreed to do so. He would do anything just to see that same smile on your face right now.

You stepped a little closer.

“Do you remember the times when I used to go clubbing almost every weekend? And you would have to track me down and bring me home safe at like three in the morning every time?” You chuckled at the memory. “And then you sat me down one day and asked me to get my shit together.”

He remembered that as well. That was one of the only times he had been so strict with you. He simply could not watch you waste your life away like that and put yourself in danger. He was glad you listened.

“And all those times when I missed mom and dad but I couldn’t call them because I knew they were always busy, so I called you. At odd hours and you would always show up. And you’d stay for as long as I needed you to. And I’d drag you along to go get ice-cream with me in the middle of the night. You remember that?”

He looked up at you and his smile vanished. You had tears streaming down your face. “Y/N…”

“It was you, Steve. It’s always been you.” You fought the need to cry. “I didn’t fall for you because of that night at your apartment. All these years, all those mundane things added up to now, when I can finally tell you how I feel and how important you are to me. And when you try to reduce it to nothing but lust and confusion, it really hurts.”

He got up from his seat. “Baby… I’m so, so sorry.”

You wiped your tears away. “It’s okay if you want nothing to do with me. None of this will affect your job, and my parents will never find out. You can walk out of this, I’ll understand. But don’t tell me what I feel for you isn’t real. Because it is. I love you, and that’s real.”

He closed the distance between the two of you, grabbing your face and to pull you closer gently. “Shh…” he whispered, one of his arms circling your waist and pulling you closer, “I’m not gonna walk out. I’m not going anywhere.”

He pressed his lips to yours, gently. He kissed you passionately; arms wrapping around your body, tongue stroking the inside of your mouth while he occasionally bit down on your lip. Your hands found their way into his soft hair, you tugged on it gently while moaning softly into the kiss.

He gave you a second to catch your breath. “I adore you, babygirl. And that’s real too.” He mumbled against your lips before kissing you again while gently pushing you against the edge of your desk until you got on top of it. He stepped in between your legs and deepened the kiss. You gripped his hair and tugged a little more and he let out a quiet, breathy moan.

His warm hand caressed your thigh, given your dress had bunched up higher than before. His other hand gently held your lower jaw as he kissed and nibbled on your skin, down your neck; making you squirm and forget all about the world outside. Here, with him now, was all that mattered.

You felt his fingers lazily making their way across your inner thighs. His knuckles gently stroked your clothed core and you leaned your head back at the sudden wave of pleasure; letting out a soft moan.

Steve gently toyed with your still clothed, now wet, core. Your hand tugged on his sweater and you pulled him closer, placing your lips on his again. Your other hand dipped in between your bodies and you unbuckled his pants as quickly as you could. You felt him bite down on your skin when you palmed him through his underwear.

“Steve… I want you…” You whispered in his ear.

You moaned as he kissed his way up to your neck. “I know, baby. I know…” he pulled away to look at you with hooded eyes.

You lowered his underwear and pulled out his cock. He rapidly dragged your underwear down your legs and threw them somewhere behind him. He spread your legs open and aligned his cock to your core.

You could feel his tip, leaking with precum, slightly pressing against your clit. Slowly, he slipped inside of you, groaning at how tight you were. You felt his length stretching you out entirely. He started rocking in and out of you slowly, then eventually, he sped up.

“Steve…”You moaned out loud, feeling all of him; stretching you, filling you up, moving rapidly in and out of you to the point where the only thing you could focus on was his body.

“I’m right here, baby…” he whispered, pounding into you relentlessly, as he bent down to kiss your open mouth, swallowing all your moans and mewls in the process.

You whined upon hearing the wet, slapping sounds your bodies made when they came in contact with one another. Mixed with his scent and the growls leaving his mouth, it was all too sinful, too good.

“You’re all mine.” He stared down at you, his ocean blue eyes showing you all the love he had for you. You could only nod, unable to form coherent sentences while he pounded into you like he owned you. He leaned in again, kissing you softly. “Say it, babygirl. Tell me you’re mine.” he whispered against your lips.

Something about how he sounded so calm even while he was fucking you hard made you tremble under him. “I’m yours…” you whispered, shuddering under him. He smirked and sped up into you again, relishing the feeling of you wrapped around him like you were made for it.

Hearing you moan and squirm under him only encouraged him to thrust deeper into you, he wanted to feel all of you and he wanted you to feel all of him. He wanted you to know that he was here, and was not planning on going anywhere. He was relentless. He moaned right in your ear as his body moved perfectly against yours. “I’m so sorry baby, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I love you so, so much...”

You whined; feeling a thin layer of sweat covering both your bodies as your walls milked him perfectly. A tear fell from your eye, out of pleasure. He was quick to wipe it away. He bent down and kissed your lips, pounding into you rapidly like his life depended on it.

“I love you more…”

He felt you clench and tighten around him, “Cum for me, baby...” He whispered, his voice strained and raspy. Your mind was foggy by now, and it took your brain a few seconds to even process his words.

Not even a few moments later, you felt him twitch inside of you; his cock throbbing against your walls. He came with a growl, gripping your hips. You whined as you came around him as well, hard and fast.

He didn’t pull his cock out of you as he engulfed you in his arms, tucking your head under his chin as he held you against his warm body. You could hear his frantic heartbeats, and he could feel yours.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered again.

You pulled away from his hug just a little so you could look at him. “Hey,” you reached out to touch his face. “Stop apologizing. We’re gonna be okay.”

He smiled down at you. “I’m gonna have to love you in secret.” He leaned down and rubbed the tip of his nose to yours. You giggled.

“Not for long. We’ll figure something out.” You grabbed him by his face and pulled him closer, and whispered dramatically, “Or maybe we could run away.” Your words made his smile. You pulled him in for a kiss, and whispered, “Till then, I’ll love you when no one is around.”

#butler!steve #steve rogers #steve rogers smut #stever rogers x reader #steve rogers au #marvel

1K notes · View notes