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I've arrived with Thomas art. I'm no good at wheels but he's lovely and I love him

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50's AU redesign of Annie and Clarabel.

In this AU, they helped to raise Thomas as nannies. They're identical twins and probably view themselves as Thomas' mother. They live with Thomas and Gordon, even after Thomas is too old to need babysitting, because Gordon doesn't have the heart to make them leave.

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current designs for the team!! this took a lot longer than i wanted but it's so nice to finally see them in one spot!

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Have I perhaps got a little bit carried away with the Thomas AU and wrote a novella in my head for it? Of course.

Humanisation of Henry. I once again wanted to keep to the more realistic and muted colours with the uniform on underneath. Henry is just a Fireman at the start of the hypothetical story, becoming an engine driver by the end.

Sodor gives him the first chance to settle down in his life for long enough to chase being an engine driver.

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The Forgotten Legacy - MR

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How Did the Big 4 Affect Ideas About Scrap for the Steam Engines:

Alright, so in the Railway Series, we know that scrap and the idea of scrap is horrifying to the engines. But the real question is: was this a universal thing? Were all the engines equally horrified, or were there differences.

I mean, from that one infamous illustration in the Railway Series, it seems pretty universal...

But I think that if we dive a little deeper, there may be a few other factors at play, which collectively create very different views on scrap - and they all have to do with the Big 4. I'm going to explain them by size, so let's start giant and get smaller.

LMS:

The LMS engines would not be as surprised to hear they're being replaced and scrapped as other companies. Why? Well, we have to look back a bit. In the 1920's, the LMS was a bit of a hodgepodge of constituent railways and their engines. The Midland 'small-engine' policy did mean that a lot of the bigger engines were frowned upon, but in general the engines were just... there.

This changed with Stanier. When Stanier came along, he began building larger, faster, more powerful engines - and thus a lot of the older, smaller classes were axed. Engines classes like the Black Fives, Coronations and 8F's could do the work of these older engines much better!

There was only one class of engine built by the Furness that survived into BR ownership, and they weren't the only company with this happening. The engines of the LMS would've been accustomed to these ideas. And where does D261 come from? Well, the Class 40 diesels were used on the West Coast Mainline - D261 would be very used to the steam engines being very accepting of the idea that this was 'their time', and therefore stunned at how the Sodor engines acted.

The opposite end of this was that smaller engine classes were very afraid of being withdrawn. Edward's a great example of this - he watched his entire railway be taken over and all his friends and family replaced - and he fears he might be next. It drives him to extreme lengths to prove his worth, just to try and gain a few more years. Donald and Douglas are another example of this; as Caledonian Railway engines, they were generally under the threat of being scrapped all through their careers, and this created a desire to prove themselves and survive.

The LMS as a company committed to this 'purge' of smaller, older classes, and thus the engines of the LMS would have been far more used to and accepting of the idea of being scrapped as compared to others. It was part of the company culture! It wasn't universal by any means, but it had an impact, especially in the English part of the LMS.

LNER:

The exact opposite of the LMS. The LNER was a railway that was throughout its existence very, very poor. And while it did build some stunning-looking express engines...

... in actuality, many of the engines running on the LNER were constituent engines that were just kept going. A good example of this would be the C1 Atlantics, which were introduced in 1902, and weren't completely withdrawn until 1950!

The LNER just didn't have the money or the ability to commit to a drastic newbuild scheme like the LMS did. That isn't to say that old engines weren't scrapped, but it did mean a lot more of the older classes weren't. And when a large body of engines survive for 50 odd years, the culture of elongated existence survives with them. Gordon is so badly affected by the Modernisation Plan personally because his company culture was one of preservation and extended service. His brothers would have quite happily told him that even when they were supplanted by the A4's that they'd be around for a long time yet, because that's how the LNER worked. And then they weren't and Gordon was stunned.

And remember, the LNER is the railway that preserved City of Truro alongside a bunch of its elderly engines at York. This railway had a culture that was built around a sort of trickle-down duties. As express engines were supplanted, they simply moved down the chain.

Speaking of City of Truro...

GWR:

This is another railway whose engines are stunned by the Modernisation Plan, but for a very different reason. Both the GWR and the LMS scrapped a large number of engines in the 1930's, but unlike the LMS, the GWR focused on engines who were at the end of their useful lifespan.

City of Truro was around 30 when withdrawn. For an engine introduced at the same time as the C1 Atlantics, this seems short - but its about average for the GWR at the time. The shock to the GWR engines is not the fact they're being scrapped - it's the fact that engines not at the end of their useful lifespans are being scrapped.

The King class was built in 1927 and nearing the end of their lifespan, but the Modified Halls weren't, and neither were the 9400's. Their withdrawal and subsequent scrapping was what really shocked Western engines.

Oliver's class was built in the 1930's, and would have expected to survive into the late 1960's and 1970's. The sudden withdrawal of them all would have been a great shock, and one of the driving factors behind his escape.

And then in the Railway Series, Duck doesn't act all that surprised to hear steam engines are being cut up - but he is hostile to diesel engines. The reason? Because diesel engines aren't just replacing the old engines in the natural GWR order of things, but supplanting the entire lot. He's relatively fine with Bear though because unlike many of the other diesels, Bear's class could be very easily perceived as being a natural progression of GWR engines. They took over the jobs of Castles and Kings - engines built in the 1920's and nearing the end of their GWR lives. There is of course also his outburst, which gives off a very GWR vibe - telling an engine off for insulting another railway? I wonder which of our Famous Eight has also done that...

Southern:

Right, so the Southern is possibly the most interesting case of them all. And the reason for that is this:

The Southern Railway was both the smallest of the Big 4 and the most passenger orientated. As such, they naturally gravitated towards a program of electrification, which they saw as the best way to maximise their profits. Engines on the Southern would have been invariably told that they would be withdrawn someday when the electrification reached their part of the line. That is a level of certainty that would have a massive impact on how the engines viewed their fate.

It also meant that the Southern Railway was not focused on replacing the steam engines they already had with new ones. This allowed some truly ancient engines to make it to British Railways.

This is Fenchurch, and when withdrawn in 1963 he was the oldest engine working on British Rail. He was built in 1872 - so that's a career of 91 years. And another class that was hitting pensioner years in British Rail was the Adams Radial Class, built in 1882. Both Southern Railway engines that found a niche duty that wasn't going to be electrified or upgraded anytime soon.

Even the E2's had their own niche at Southampton docks! They were a failure of a class when built, and yet were still in service in the 1960's. Thomas the tank engine himself has remarkably little to say about modernisation in the books - his job is threatened by a diesel, and while he's horrified that it's a diesel, he's not shocked he's being replaced. Even though he spent a tiny amount of time in the south, its culture managed to penetrate his smokebox.

But there is one other railway that has a central role in this, and it is of course British Railways.

British Railways:

Right, so this is the one company that is the cause of much of the above commentary to become obsolete. When amalgamated, British Rail was meant to electrify the country's railways slowly and steadily, with steam engines making up the difference. And at the onset, they withdrew and scrapped many of the older, smaller classes of engines and replaced them with the Standards - something very similar to LMS and GWR practice, and also not unfamiliar to the LNER. The really problem comes with the Modernisation Plan in 1955.

The Standard Five class were built until 1957 - two years after the publication of the Modernisation Plan which explicitly stated that BR would scrap all steam. The 9F's were being built until 1960. At the longest, these engines got less than twenty years. At the youngest, some were withdrawn after only five years.

And that's what shocked all the older engines. It's not the fact they're being scrapped - ever since the conception of the railways, engines have been being scrapped. It's the magnitude of the scrapping and the wanton destruction of young, healthy engines. It's not that they're being replaced - that was always going to happen, all the engines knew that. It's the speed of the Modernisation Plan, the scrapping of brand new engines and the fact that steam engines were replaced with Pilot scheme diesels who were mostly failures.

That's what caused the engines to fear scrap and hate diesels.

And while I would love to delve into the diesels and what happened to them, that's its own massive thing.

I would like to note that this does not really take into account specific incidents, but rather general trends that would have led to more widespread knowledge. The single incident involving one engine in Aberdeen doesn't really permeate railway gossip and ideology, but an entire class being withdrawn does.

I would also like to acknowledge the fact none of the above pictures are mine.

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Traintober 2024

#traintober #traintober2024 #tttetraintober

Here's my personal Traintober list for 2024! I've given it to a few people who have asked but since a lot of people are asking, I've decided to release it so people can start to plan.

I had a few ideas I wanted to get out of my head, so this list is what resulted. Feel free to use it if you want or make your own.

Good luck and I can't wait to see what you do with the prompts if you decide to participate.

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Thanks!

Do you have a master post with all of your dragon designs on?

All of your art is so cute. I love all of the designs that I've found rummaging through your blog, and I'd love to see if there's any I missed.

AWWWW! Thank you! I'm so happy you like my art!🥹💖

And I wish I did have master post!😭 I have a hard time looking through it too! Lol!

I do have two tags you could look through though! Just check out #Dragons Of Sodor and #ttte DOS and you should find everything related to the AU! Including all my art! Hope this helps!

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Mere seconds after the outburst, Thomas whistled with incongruous cheer — and brought back the first half of the rake humming.    He was merrily oblivious to Toby and Henrietta exchanging worried looks.

rereading Small World by @mean-scarlet-deceiver again and I'm having feelings. Oh, Thomas...

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So yeah, this is Traintober 2024. Or, rather, it's a Traintober, because I started making this list a few days ago and got beat to the punch by @tornadoyoungiron by about a day. Sorry about that!

Anyways this is the fun, scrappy, alternative Traintober. Feel free to be creative with the ideas contained within. I'm always interested to see what people come up with.

Also, to answer an ask I got a little while ago, no I'm not dead/on hiatus. I just work a lot, and real life often gets in the way. Also I have fallen victim to the endless pit of "fanfictions you never seem to finish." That being said, expect some output from me later in the year!

Art is by Russell Smith, the image is edited by [ALAN SMITHEE]. Thanks a lot for the help with this [ALAN]!

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Hello, fellow Thomas the Tank Engine fans and also my followers. It's been quite a while since the last reblog. Apologies for the sudden and unannounced return.

2023 was a terrific year, wasn't it? Well, I was busy with many things, from tests and schoolwork to a wide variety of social activities. My inactivity on Tumblr these days can be due to the same reasons.

Oh, despite facing a lot of inevitable creative blocks last year, did I manage to draw something? Of course I did, and good news: I still do! What you see here are a handful of WIPs that I may or may not bring to full completion in the future. I'd be lying if I say that I didn't enjoy working on them.

From newest to oldest, these are the Thomas and Friends sketches I've made from mid-2023 until January of this year. Do read below. 👇 [⚠️Really long babbling⚠️]

The most recent one of Thomas himself! He's not a kid, for sure; but a man in his early 20's. I went for a simpler and more minimalistic design as he's a familiar face I would draw often (if I'm still continuing to indulge in my human AU). I hope to capture the essence of an impudent but mature teen in his looks later on. As a sidenote, he has multiple stitches and patches on his clothes; and his arms are frequently dotted with little bandages.

Initially drawn for the blue engine's day on the 2nd of February, this is a regular picture of Edward enjoying a slice of cake. He looks a bit different here compared to the previous drawings of him. This is because I based his design on Wolfgang Grimmer from Monster. Due to the many complaints I've read concerning Edward's physical age, I slowly changed the way I draw him. I aimed for an "exaggerated swagger of a sophisticated yet smug gentleman" approach in his slightly improved designed.

Glory to the Great Western Railway! His confidence, his pride! Boy, I sure am pleased with how this sketch turned out. I guess it's crystal clear that I like his design a teeny bit more than the others...

A temporary poster of the Steam Team which I designed for my Thomas and Friends human AU. A few of you might have seen that Edward from somewhere... Anyway, I still can't decide on an official name for my AU. Thus, for the time being, it's known to me as "Bloodstained Tracks".

I designed an OC (named Frederick Edgewood) who works together with Gordon as his fireman. He is a minor character who acts as Gordon's moral compass. And this is a snippet of their interaction. I hope to develop his character more one day... Also, I fancy how I drew Gordon here. I'd like to note his nonchalant ignorance.

A scene where Gordon pays a visit to Henry days or weeks after the 1935 Flying Kipper incident. The first drawing, as you can see, is rather blurry; therefore, I included a second picture which is a closeup shot. Henry's marred appearance here is rather noteworthy. I like to believe that the bouquet was Edward's idea; and despite his embarrassment, Gordon reluctantly went with it.

Last but not least, a self-indulgent Good Omens crossover featuring Henry and Gordon as Aziraphale and Crowley respectively. Yes, I referenced that iconic poster for the 1st season. I'm sorry to say that I'm not too satisfied with this sketch and have not a plan in mind to finish it (unless it's on poplar demand). Nevertheless, I praise myself for having managed to pull this off.

That's all the rambling, folks. I have more to show, but making one elaborate post costs a few hours a day and a big chunk of my free time so another one will come when you least expect it. See you, and take care! ^^

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In this AU, Thomas is Gordon's child (spawned mainly by my friend saying 'my boy' everytime the two interact) so they both share the same last name. He's drawn here as a fireman, at age seventeen, but like all young men joining the railway he would have started as a cleaner at the age of fourteen. Eventually he will work his way up to be an engine driver.

Percy is still his best friend, and both of them work as firemen in the shunters yard.

I'd like to imagine any stupid thing Thomas has done, this Thomas has done, including knocking the breaks off an engine on accident and driving through the station masters house.

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its mother fucking gordon !!

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Old art that I don't think I've posted??

I scoured my blog and couldn't find it on here.

Anyways James with hair like his Superman mini

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Henry and Thomas having a chat. :)

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"If there was one thing that Gordon hated in life, it was change."

(A Forever and Ever Fanfic)

Thomas and Friends sometimes deals with the weirdest of issues like a fear of change or a fear of abandonment. The episode Forever and Ever plays Gordon's fears off as being silly, trying to compare willingly moving on to somewhere being the same as someone willingly moving away from you.

I've seen a lot of people say that Gordon acts irrationally in this episode, but as childish as the show presents his tantrum (as it's for children) it touches on this massive issue and glosses over it with Nia saying "I chose to move on which means you have to accept your friends moving on without you." I wanted to write something about this episode where it treats the problem with the respect it deserves.

If your two best friends move on without you, and you find out though it through other people it hurts. Not being the best at staying in contact I can relate to Gordon in this episode.

When people move on, especially when they leave you with no way to contact them, it is like they die. And let's be real, Gordon is a train, he can't just keep in contact with his friends. It all depends on other people.

Aka I made myself sad about Gordon for like a week and had to write a story about it.

*Disclamer* *I know very little about Thomas the Tank Engine and I have probably made a mistake about a backstory somewhere. My brief experience on AO3 tells me that people don't like this but bear with. I was very sad about Gordon and had to get it out of my brain. Take my writing with a pinch of salt.*

If there was one thing that Gordon hated in life, it was change. 

So what if he did stay in the sheds forever and ever? What did he care? If they could all just be dismissed and replaced on the flip of a coin, would Sir Topham Hatt replace him if he refused to do his job? Or would he kick out another member just to replace him? Would he break Gordon down into spare parts, or just leave him to rust and decay? There would be no point sparing fuel on an engine that wouldn't do its job. 

If there was no convincing Edward to come back, there would be no convincing Henry either. If Gordon refused, would they make Henry stay to pull the express, or would that just make Gordon's protest mute and foolish? What sort of engine was he if he would manipulate his friends just to get his own way? 

Why would Henry tell him last that he was going to leave? They were friends, were they not? Why would he tell Gordon last? Perhaps he was just trying to spare his feelings, knowing he would take it poorly, one part of his mind spoke. Would Henry be intentionally malicious towards him? 

But then again…

They were laughing about it this morning, behind his back. What if everyone knew but Gordon? What if Henry didn't even like him anymore? What if the common factor in his two best friends choosing to leave was Gordon himself?

He knew that he could be stuck up. He always had been, even before coming to work on Sodor. After all, he had worked on the London railway, and being proud made him stand out. Being proud had saved him and got him moved to Sodor. 

And sure, he could be arrogant, but he had gotten past that with Edward and he had still left. 

He stared at the wall in front of him angrily. He just wanted to be left alone. If he closed his eyes, would this all just be some horrible nightmare? He could wake up and nothing would have changed. 

Then he heard her voice. Her annoying silly voice. 

“It's not smart to sleep backwards, is it, Gordon?” she spoke. “How can you see where you are going?”

 Nia. She had the gall to speak to him, did she? What did she know of Gordon's problems? After all, all of this mess was her fault. 

“I don't care. I'm never going to leave this shed again.”

“You know, Gordon, all of my friends are in Africa, and I'm on a new railway, trying to make new friends. I know my old friends are still my friends, though.” She finished, “Edward and Henry won't even be going half as far as Africa.”

“You chose to leave, did you not?” Gordon spat at her. “You have a friend. You came back with Thomas and you made Edward leave. How dare you try to understand how I feel.” He turned away from her. “All of this is your fault.”

He screwed his eyes shut, refusing to look at her. He was still angry, angry at everything. 

He fell asleep with the thought plaguing him. What if Sir Topham Hatt did change everything? 

The dreams that haunted Gordon that night were not pleasant. 

In one, Gordon found himself alone. Totally and utterly alone. All of the engines had left Tidmouth Sheds, leaving him totally and utterly alone. Even the humans had fled in this horrible dream, leaving Gordon alone with only the wind and creaking of timber to keep him company. 

And in the other one, in the other one…

It was somehow closer to reality. Each train of Tidmouth Sheds announced that they were leaving, one by one, giving flimsy excuse after flimsy excuse to leave Tidmouth. Gordon couldn't follow them, held to his responsibility of pulling the Express. At the end, before he woke up, he was in the sheds and everyone was talking around him, and he was silent. Completely and totally alone. 

He stared at the back wall of the shed, watching the morning light slip over Sodor, and wished that things could go back to the way they were. 

“Gordon.” A sharp voice woke him up from his dreamlike state. "Gordon, are you going to be sensible and pull the Express today?” Sir Topham Hatt stood in front of Gordon with his hands on his hips. “I've had enough of your nonsense. I want you to go back to work like a sensible engine.” 

“I thought you were changing everything.” Gordon snorted. “Make Henry pull the Express.”

“Henry is leaving and that is final. The branch line needs him more than we do at Tidmouth. Now, come out at once.” Sir Toppham Hatt glared at Gordon. 

“No, sir,” he replied.

“No, sir. No, sir. What do you mean, ‘no, Sir?’” he gestured widely. “I am the controller and you do what I say, Gordon.”

“I mean no. You said I could stay here forever if I wasn't going to accept the changes on the railway, and I'm not, so I'm staying right here,” Gordon spoke smoothly. 

“This behavior is silly, Gordon. You are usually far more sensible than this.” 

“Maybe if you didn't change everything, I could be more sensible about it.”

In the distance, the clock chimed, signifying the start of the work day. “I do not have time to argue with you, Gordon. You have one more day. My customers should not have to put up with the confusion and delay that your immaturity is causing.”

Sir Topham Hatt left the sheds, once again leaving Gordon with his own thoughts. 

You see, the problem was not that Gordon didn't want to work. He wanted to be a useful engine and pull the Express. The problem was that he … 

He couldn't even put it into words. Perhaps he was being silly. No matter what protest he planned, Henry would still leave and be replaced. He was sure, without a doubt, that that would be the case. 

When Sir Topham Hatt came back later that afternoon, Gordon apologised and agreed to run the Express for the rest of the day. There was no point refusing to work. It just left him alone with his thoughts. 

…

The next few weeks passed slowly for Gordon. He just couldn't find any joy in his work. One day, Henry left and didn't come back, without much of a farewell. The berth next to Gordon's sat empty, night after night. 

The other engines tried to talk to him, sure, but Gordon didn't bite. After all, it would only be a matter of time before he annoyed them and they left as well under flimsy excuses. The best method would be to keep to himself and just focus on being a useful engine. 

He heard the other engines talking behind his back, and it wasn't getting to him, it wasn't.  He was sure that they weren't all discussing where they were all going to move to without him. Talking about who they would like to have replace him. 

Every day felt like a struggle, trying to work through just to go back to the sheds to sleep again just so that he didn't have to think. Each night, the same dreams kept him awake, full of laughter and chatter. He was surrounded by people but still alone. 

Customers stopped approaching him, stopped talking to him. His paint seemed to lose its lustre. Even his engine driver and fireman seemed to talk to him less and less, making Gordon feel more and more alone.

Perhaps people noticed he was miserable. Perhaps they didn't. He didn't really care.

Then came the day that they replaced Henry with a young, energetic engine who thought the best of everything. Her and Nia chattered continuously over his head, clearly becoming fast friends as the two new engines. 

There was no finer way to feel invisible than that. 

His firebox seemed to take longer to heat up each morning, his wheels harder to turn, until the day when his fireman and driver didn't bother with him and took Rebecca to pull the Express instead. 

Gordon couldn't understand it. He was the Express engine. He pulled the Express unless he physically couldn't or was in disgrace.  He hadn't even done anything wrong this time. 

He sat in the sheds, cold. What if Sir Topham Hatt wanted all new engines and wanted to scrap him for spare parts? There weren't many of his engine type left. Most of the London railway had been outmoded for diesel years ago, so there wasn't a ready supply of parts anymore. What if another heritage railway had paid Sir Topham Hatt handsomely for the parts to fix one of theirs?

Worse. What if he had been sold off to another railway? What if he were to become a heritage engine, functionally useless? What if they gutted him and put him on display in a shed? He wasn't broken. He wasn't.

When this cycle repeated for a few days, the other engines started to notice. The indignity of being seen as useless. Maybe he was useless. A relic of a forgotten era. 

Obviously, James thought it was hilarious. James wasn't built to see the implications of the situation. Sir Topham Hatt didn't just stop using engines. There was some ploy to it, Gordon was sure. If Gordon was in the wrong, he would have been sent to pull the godforsaken trucks. He hadn't been used for anything. Anything at all. 

Emily told Gordon it was because of his attitude. Nobody wanted to be pulled by a miserable engine. Gordon told her that they shouldn't really care as long as he arrived on time, like he nearly always did. People didn't have to look at him while he was pulling them, and he pulled them perfectly regardless of his attitude. 

Percy, naive as always, told Gordon that they were just teaching Rebecca the rails and that they would give Gordon back the Express soon. Perhaps they were going to share the work to make Gordon's life easier. Gordon didn't need his life being easier. 

And Thomas, Thomas really hadn't said anything much about it. The two engines held a deep respect for each other, and born from this respect was an ability for Thomas to understand Gordon in the way the others didn't. He knew there was nothing to say. 

Gordon was sure that Rebecca and Nia had things to say about it as well, but Gordon didn't overly care what they thought. All of this was their fault in the first place. 

…

With nothing much to do, Gordon found himself with way too much time to catastrophise.

…

“I've heard there's an engineer coming in from Wellsworth to take a look at your engine, Gordon,” Thomas said brightly one morning. 

Gordon frowned. “There's nothing wrong with my engine.” 

Thomas smiled. “Well, that's what the drivers think. I overheard my driver talking about it with one of yours.”

“My drivers are driving Rebecca.” Gordon looked off into the distance. “Nobody has been near my cab in days.” 

“I thought you'd heard. They're pulling in a special crew for Rebecca. Anyway, she's a mixed class locomotive.” Thomas spoke quickly. “I think your crew want to get back to driving a passenger engine. I'm sure they think its a disgrace to drive a mixed traffic engine.” 

“Perhaps, Thomas. My drivers are very proud.” Gordon nodded to himself. “Why not take me to the steamworks instead?” Gordon pondered. “That's where broken trains go to get fixed.” 

“I'm sure you'll find out.” Thomas left with a grin. “By the way, I'm sleeping in Wellsworth tonight. Got to make way for the engineers to get here.” 

Gordon frowned at that. “If you're going to leave, Thomas, you can just say it. Don't try to cover it up.”

“I'm not leaving,” Thomas said. “I don't want to leave Tinmouth Sheds.”

“If I recall, Edward said that, too. And yet, here we are,” replied Gordon angrily. “It's only a matter of time.” 

Thomas drove off cheerfully, heading for his branchline. Gordon wondered if it would be the last time he would see him. Just like Edward and Henry. 

The rest of the day passed, as many of the days before had, quietly. Gordon was sure that Thomas was just trying to make him feel less useless. There was nothing wrong with his engine, he was sure of it.

Slowly, the dusk rolled in, and each of the engines rolled in one by one, and Gordon closed his eyes, ready to skip forward to his next day of being useless. 

…

“Gordon.” A voice startled him from his rest. “Gordon, wake up.”

“Edward.” Gordon couldn't stop the grin from splitting his face. “Please tell me that the last month has been a horrible dream.”

“I can't tell you that, Gordon.”

“Ah.” Gordon paused. “So this is the dream, then.” 

Edward looked Gordon up and down. “Are you okay, Gordon?”

Gordon laughed. “No. I suspect that I'm not, and perhaps that I never will be again.”

Edward nodded, taken back at the honesty. “Wha-”

“You know that, Edward, because my brain has made you up to torment me. Had you and Henry been planning this all along? Are you going to tell me how I'm the reason that you left Tidmouth? Because I'm listening. I'm always listening.”

Of course, that explained it, Edward thought. The only person that Gordon wouldn't fear to admit his problems to was himself. He was too proud to show that he was suffering to any engine. Gordon obviously thought that he was dreaming. 

“I didn't leave because of you, Gordon,” Edward said, levelled. “I left because it's closer to my branchline.”

“And now you lie to me. Just admit it. You won. You hate me.”

“Don't you think that's a slight overreac-”

“No. I'm the only engine who could be so insufferable that even his drivers-”

“Actually think that honor might go to Thomas when he drove into the-”

“And I drove into a ditch and put myself in disgrace.”

“That was a long time ago and-”

“Does it matter?”

“Gordon, stop acting like a child and listen. Look at this logically.”

“Logically, I'm fit for the scrapyard. Logically, I'm a relic of a bygone era. And technically I'm not even a proper tender engine. I'm a prototype tender engine. Nearly all of the other engines I worked with in London are scrap by now. Logically, I've annoyed everyone to the point where they can't even stand to sleep next to me. Logically, I've somehow become… useless.”

Edward sighed. “If that was true, why would you a have maintenance technician looking at your engine now?”

“To value it?” Gordon continued after a pause. “For spare parts.”

“Do you think you've been overthinking this?” Edward trailed off. “Wait… you think you've annoyed Henry and I into leaving?”

Gordon made the train equivalent of a shrug. “Logically.”

“You are a silly engine, Gordon.” Edward laughed. 

“I take offence to that, Edward.” 

“You are. Sometimes, I forget how young you are. You don't act like it until you do something silly like this.”

“I'm glad my misery amuses you.” 

“Your misery, nobodies misery, amuses me. I don't want anyone to feel miserable.”

“If that was the case, Edward, why won't you come back?”

“Do you remember leaving to go to Sodor?” Edward asked suddenly. 

“They replaced all of my brothers with diesel engines, as they closed railways in the Beeching Axe.”

“That explains a lot…” Edward trailed off. “So when you arrived, you felt… ?”

“Relieved. Grateful to be considered useful. Lucky to be considered…” Gordon paused. “Guilty because I knew others would be scrapped and they could be here in my place. How could you choose to leave, Edward, without someone making you? I don't understand.” 

“When I left for Sodor, I was excited. It was an adventure. Moving to Wellsworth has been an adventure. I've made new friends.”

“But what about your old friends?” Gordon cut him off. “Something could happen to you and I'd never know. Moving away… It’s like someone dies when they move away. You never see them again and we have no way to even keep in contact. It's like you and Henry died, Edward. I felt… I felt like I'd caused it. I felt responsible.”

“We see each other, Gordon.”

“Not enough,” Gordon snapped. 

“You know, just because I moved away, doesn't mean I'm not your friend anymore.”

“Nia said that because her friends were in Africa when she chose to leave.” Gordon said sarcastically. “It's different when you choose to leave, rather than get left like rubbish.”

“Let me rephrase. I didn't leave because of you, Gordon, I didn't leave because of anyone here. I- I needed to leave to feel useful again. Here, I have nothing to do. In Wellsworth I'm wanted. Do you see my point, Gordon?”

“The past month has taught me how being useless feels, Edward. I understand.” 

“I needed to move on, Gordon, but it doesn't mean that I've died and it doesn't mean it's your fault. Leaving was scary, I can't lie, and I miss you all. You're all family to me, but… I needed to do this, Gordon. If you can't understand, I want you to respect that.” 

“I can respect that, Edward.” Gordon smiled for what felt like the first time in weeks. “I'm going to suggest that this isn't a dream because you're being too nice for me for it to be.” 

“It's not, Gordon, but I won't ruin your reputation… yet…” 

The two engines chatted to each other until the dawn light rose slowly over the sheds, signalling a new day. Engine by engine was started up to begin the day until at last Gordon's and Edward’s firemen and drivers stood in front of the two trains. 

“Do you think these two missed each other?” they joked as they got the engines ready for the day. 

“I'm sure he missed looking young compared to your relic,” Gordon's driver joked back jovially.

And when they lit his firebox and Gordon rolled out of the sheds for the first time in days, he left with a smile on his face, glad to be a useful engine once again. 

…

I'd like to tell you that things went back to normal immediately for Gordon, but that would be a lie. Change, like grief, can be hard to expect. 

But day after day, week after week, they got better, and Gordon learned to embrace the changes. 

Sure, he still couldn't stand Nia, but he learned to get along with her. If he subtly suggested that Nia and Rebecca should sleep next to each other so they didn't have to chat over him and keep him awake, no one was any the wiser.

And every time Gordon felt alone or felt abandoned, he just thought of Edward and Henry, proud to be useful in their lives, and thought of how much he enjoyed his own. 

Things were going to change, no matter what Gordon did. As long as he enjoyed hauling the Express, he was going to be staying where he belonged at Tidmouth while being proud of Henry and Edward for being brave enough to embrace new lives.