#i have my serious doubts but in the moment im like ok.

[monkiespaw]

🤦‍♀️

[primoppang]

hi. hi. here to request. a little seungmin fluff where we are kind of lonely and sad and he reminds us that he’s always there : )

HI HONEY TY FOR BEING MY FIRST EVER REQUEST <3333 ily and seungie so I got u bby ◡̈ mwah ur the best ( ˘ ³˘)♡

warning: swearing is inevitable with me sorry ¯\_(˶′◡‵˶)_/¯, fluff, like gross amounts of it, seungmin says "this is so gay but..." because he cringes at showing affection but refuses to let you forget how he feels about you fr, he's a tsundere ok? ok. he licks your face(?) , one (1) kiss, he joking threatens to fight you, and mentions of self doubt and anxiety, angst if you blink but I think it's mostly fluffy... anyways! lmk if I missed anything!!!

WC: a little under 500 :D

AN: this is the first drabble I've ever done in bullet point format so just pls lmk how it goes??? Im super nervous I hope it's at least an easy read :(

so the first time he realizes that you're feeling lonely he slaps himself internally because how DARE he make you feel that way, but he's not home rn and can't show you physically so he comes up with a Plan™️

you're literally the light of his life

so he just >:(

but not at u

he just wants to make you feel happy and loved and safe

so he starts brainstorming

but he's naturally a menace

so when you're texting with him while he's working and you're being kinda short

because yk

u just feel :(

he just sighs and texts back

"look, please don't feel sad. I know this is pretty fucking gay but I love you."

which makes u giggle

because that's YOUR seungie that YOU know and love so much

<3

BUT whenever he's able to be physically with you and he can just feel your self doubt and anxiety creeping in and trying to swallow you, he once again uses his braincell.

so he just grabs ur hand

and leads u out of ur bed and to the living room

sits u down

and starts running around ur shared apartment grabbing every blanket and pillow that exists within the space

and I mean

E V E R Y. S I N G L E. O N E.

puppy zoomies moment hehe

and don't even think about trying to question him

he'll just say "shut up and wait while I set up a big ass fort for us to cuddle in, ok?? I love you but I wanna make u SEE THAT."

which u smile at

because him telling u to shut up

but then explaining why

and then also watching him move furniture and start building the fort, you tear up with happy tears

because???

:(

he's the sweetest and u love him so much

but when he hears u sniffle

he turns on Extra Puppy Mode™️

pops out from under some blankets and tackles you into the couch and holds your face

wiping ur tears

maybe even licked one because he's a freak and wanted to get a reaction

which u just squealed at bc wtf sir

but then he realizes

oh ur crying because ur so touched by this whole thing that he's doing

!!!

"... you dummy. stop crying... we gotta get snacks and stuff for our super awesome fort yk??? and you won't be able to see if you're cryi—"

you cut him off by giving him a little kiss on his pouty lips

as a silent thank you :(

which he realizes that oops maybe he got too serious and overwhelming

but you reassured him that you're just so glad to have him as your partner and best friend in one :(

"please just remember that I do love you, and I'm always here even if that brain of yours tells you otherwise, ok? or I'll have to fight you... affectionately."

and then he proceeds to smother you in kisses and cuddles :(

[crushedsweets]

ninakate or any wlw nina ship w/ good luck babe by chappell roan,,,,

oh god. ok youre so right that this works with any wlw nina ship, but im gonna go through the lyrics and describe some toxic ass ninakate scenario that comes to mind LMFAOOOO SORRY I LIKE TOXIC YURI

ok so in an AU of my AU where ninakate happens, it all starts after nina is stabbed by jeff. they make her heal in the proxy cabin cuz theyre worried jeff will break into ninas apartment and finish the job(he has no interest in doing that tho). tim/brian/toby/jack are busy with zalgoid issues, SO kate sorta...keeps watch on nina while she heals. cuz of that, nina starts latching onto kate. between kate cleaning the stab wound, bringing her water, wrapping her up in gauze, nina crying into kates arms unprompted, asking kate to sleep in the same bed with her cuz she cant sleep, nina asking kate quiet questions for hours while the radio hums and rain pours outside... they share an awkward, "meaningless" kiss. nina blamed it on emotions running high. kate didnt know what to blame

(this section is HEAVILY inspired by still a friend by the back seat lovers, the entire song is very my-au ninakate)

SOOOOO i wanna go from THAT SONG into good luck babe by chappell roan...

"you can say that we are nothing" after the kiss, nina would probably be like 'we should go to sleep' and the next morning laugh about it and tease kate and be like "thats so funny, i never kissed a girl like that before. was that your first kiss? oh my god kate are you serious?! we should probably keep that between us, huh? its okay, it wont happen again!" and kates just nodding along while her brain is going 100mph. but kates perceptive as hell and she'd easily see all the little changes that happen afterwards. nina's gaze falling, her hands lingering, little comments she makes. and it'd make kate feel kinda stupid. "guess im the fool, with her arms out like an angel through the car sunroof" toby ends up 'inheriting' an old rusty red pickup truck from tim. i doubt it would have a sun roof, but i could see toby and nat up front, while nina and kate are in the back (like, the BACK bed of the truck). nina would be giggling, tilting her head back and her hair is flying like crazy and her arms are out and kate cannoooot get that damn kiss out of her head, especially when nina looks like that.

im thinking maybe it happens again. the group was hanging out, but nat and toby went off somewhere else, leaving nina and kate together. and kate offers to walk nina home, but ninas like 'what if i spend the night instead?' and kates immediately like Oh jesus christ okay. and they talk . and chat. and banter. and nina would bring up that stupid kiss and say something about 'i wouldnt mind doing that again. i mean, as friends.' and kates head is spinning.

and despite all of this, nina is still in a bad headspace. before, during, and after her relationship with jeff, she has HORRIBLY low self esteem and a need for attention/validation, and she will seek it out anywhere. she'd blame it on a million and one things "oh its just for fun, oh i was just drunk, oh its not that serious, he was cute, i got his number!". especially when trying to heal her bruised ego after the whole jeff thing (alongside a few huge arguments with toby calling her out on her BS). and kate listens, and even though she's really blunt and straightforward, she doesnt feel mean. not like toby or nat or jack. so even when kates like "that doesnt make sense" "that seems stupid though" "why would you do that" ninas just laughing and being like "it just felt right in the moment! im having fun, kate!". she thinks kate just doesnt get it, on account of never being in a relationship, but kate knows whats going on. she knows why nina is the way that she is, but all she has to say is . GOODLUCK LMFAO. shes not here to control or convince or plead with anybody, and def not nina. and i think that would kinda irk nina a little. she'd kiss kate, then a couple nights later talk about a guy she met at a bar, and kate just side eyes her and is like 'have fun' and nina wishes there was more

ok whether their kisses turn into anything else, i think theyd both continually agree to keep it a secret from everyone else. it would just be a huge mess that neither of them want to address, especially kate dealing with toby. but i think once kate starts getting a little affection and whatnot that she's never received (she's been in the chaser mode for over half her life, mind you), it would feel incredibly suffocating but also incredibly freeing. like she feels like something new has opened up to her, something that she got locked out of years ago. and nina has the key, unfortunately

ok this is where the song and story falls apart a little cuz ninas not getting married to anyone. i guess this could be a hypothetical where she goes back to jeff for a moment in time, but.. ehh.... dunno how i feel about that. and i dont think the 'i told you so' fits kate cuz she just kinda lets nina do whatever. asks questions and is like ??? and maybe has a bit of an attitude when saying 'good luck with that', but she never tells her what to do

i know "the feeling" is more about being into girls and how you cant hide from it, but i dont think the whole lesbianism thing would be their issue. in a ninakate interpretation of the song, i think 'the feeling' is either ninas issues with romance and self worth, kates ache to be with someone despite thinking she has no right to it, ninas guilt for leading kate on, and of course their literal romantic feelings...

anyway. anyway. um. cries. i just i really. i really im just. im fond of lesbians alright.

[muniimyg]

HELP

idk where to start with ch 16 😭

proud to say I NEVER DOUBTED MY GIRL OC🧍🏼‍♀️

ok but on a serious note, this chapter was so well written and you handled the whole therapist complex convo so well ‼️ bbydaddy jk is a bit delulu but I GET HIM. I REALLY DO. the whole marriage thing was off for him to do but he was trying to salvage their relationship man. they both just UGH 😣 God please let them heal. I didn’t expect that reveal btw. Like at all. And that’s what is breaking my heart so bad for both of them cause it wasn’t their fault. It’s just… I don’t have any words. Like you said there’s just so many layers to this and my mind can’t comprehend how to handle this.

I just hope she heals (and so does he) and you know heal from the resentment..

in all my heart breaks for both of them. especially when she was crying all alone in her room and he was crying while he fed z. they didn’t deserve that. im imagining this happening and I am crying fr

in all you are an amazing write 🌟❤️

thank u so much for taking the time to write your thoughts ♡

the therapist convo was sooo intentional. i love their conversation so much! jk is delulu but it's also the solulu so we can't even be madddd.

i'm relieved that the reveal was smt u didn't see coming. it took me a hot minute to figure out where i was gonna go with it and how big of an issue it had to be to taint their relationship so much. i also think you're flattering me way too much huhuuhuuuuu. you've expressed your love and thoughts well, i'm glad to have received them.

both don't deserve what happened,, and i'm happy to confirm they're definitely going to be in their healing era soon (together)!

on the side note, i also want to take a moment to tell you how much i appreciate your constant support. i've said thank you so many times but i truly mean it. i've seen you reading and commenting on so many of my fics,, i always look forward to hearing from you!

thank you for being by my side ❀˖°

[nightmaree-eyess]

Second in command

Arcane fanfic

Summary: jinx took over silcos crime ring when he died and you are her second in command

Word count: 1238

Tags: au, lesbian jinx, y/n, femme reader,hurt/comfort, imagine, action/adventure, angst, romance, everyone is alive, implied drugs, hallucinations, implied emotional abuse

My days are pretty boring and monotonous for being second in command for the biggest crime ring in Zaun. I wake up, make my tea, go to work, take inventory, and go home. Obviously my days aren't exactly the same but they are similar enough. Today was one of those days.

“Jinx wants to see you.”

Ugh sevika. She thinks she runs this place since she's been with the ring the longest. She thinks she deserves to run this place.

I rolled my eyes at her in response

“Look just because your girlfriend is uppity about me doesn't mean you have too.”

“Just because my head is between her legs, doesn't mean it's up her ass too.”

Sevika grimaces and I groan and walk away from taking inventory. I don't feel like dealing with her bullshit today. Or ever really.

I push the door open with my shoulder to jinx’s office. The doors are heavy and made of rusted iron. The handles are vials of shimmer. The doors creak as I enter.

“Hello y/n”

Jinx turns around to face you in her chair behind the desk.

“Hi baby, what's up?”

“Don't call me that you know I hate pet names. But can you grab my shimmer for me? My eye is fucking killing me.”

Sometimes I feel more like a monkey than her girlfriend. Just another one of her employees but with more sexual benefits.

I grab the shimmer from the table and straddle her to get a better angle. A part of me only uses that as an excuse to get closer to her.I take her chin and angle her head upwards, take the syringe, and inject her eye. Her left eye looks like a nuclear sunset with a void in the middle. She winces in pain for a moment.

“Ah fuck. That never gets easier” jinx groans

You take her face and plant a soft kiss on her forehead and she raises her hand to yours. You step backwards to put the syringe away.

“This wasn't the only reason i called you in here”

I think she wants a sexual favor from me. That's usually how this goes but she keeps talking.

“ I have a job I want you to come along and it's a pretty serious one. I wanted my assistant to come with me. Id send one of the other employees but i feel like theyd fuck this job up. And we have the power they don't.”

Finally I'm starting to feel important. Jinx usually did the negotiating while i kept things running on the inside. But I never really felt like I had the power people claimed I had as jinx’s girlfriend and assistant.

“Sounds good. But what's the job?” i questioned

“We have to go to piltover and talk to jayce talis about importing more shimmer through their harbors. Business is booming right now and we need to make bigger shipments. And I need you there just in case things go wrong.”

“Like a bodyguard? Am I getting a demotion?” i joke

“Ha. ha. Funny. You think I'm some joke? You don't think I can handle myself? You think im gonna fuck up the job like i fuck everything up right?!”

“No, I-Im sorry” i raise my hands in defeat

“Good. Because it sounded like my girlfriend and assistant were doubting my abilities. Remember who's above you y/n. I'll let you know the details later. Now get the fuck out of my office.”

—---------------------------

“Hello ladies, glad to be in your presence.” Jayce bows sarcastically

“Yeah whatever, let's just get to business.” jinx groans

I follow them into an empty alley. I thought maybe we’d be in an office or something but maybe the guy doesn't want us knowing where he resides. Jayce starts the convo

“Ok you called a meeting with me and i only have 15 minutes. So get to the point.”

“We want to import more shimmer through the harbors. Business is booming a-”

“No.”

“No? What do you mean no? This would benefit both of us in the long run and youre fucking delusional not to think so.”

“I already have the council up my ass. I can't import more shimmer without it being suspicious. The answer is no.”

Jinx pulls out her gun and points it at jayce

“We import more shimmer through your harbors or you get a bullet in the skull. Its honestly your choice”

Next thing I know there's a flash of blue illuminating the sky, the boom of a gun, and a warm feeling running down my chest. I slip into the void at peace.

—---------------------------------

I flutter my eyes open and see a distorted jinx next to me

“You're nothing to me. You're just a dog that I bet on and you're losing.” she laughs maniacally

I try to sit up but I'm paralysed. What the fuck is going on? Before I can process anything I drift away again.

—----------------------------------

I squint my eyes open. I'm in a sketchy room, on a twin sized mattress on the floor.

“Oh god, baby I'm so glad you're alive!”

You feel jinx’s warm lips against your clammy forehead

“Wha- ow fuck” you clutch your chest

“I'm so sorry baby, I'm so so sorry. I shouldn't have brought you along I jinxed it like i do everything this is all my fault im sorry”

“What are you talking about?”

“I-i accidentally shot you when jayce let off a bomb. I got startled and I shot you. Jayce died when the bomb went off but I got lucky. You… died when I shot you. I brought you to singed because i knew he could revive you…like he did me and it worked. Now you have to inject yourself with shimmer where you were injured to stay alive. I shouldn't have ever threatened jayce in the first place. This is all my fault.” she sobbed

“This… is a lot to process.” i wince in pain

“I'm so sorry. I've been cold and distant with you and you don't deserve that. Even though I keep you at arms distance, I love you. I didn't realise how much I loved you until I lost you. If I lost you…then I would have no one left. I need you in my life. You make my days brighter, you support me in ways no one else does, and I never want to take you for granted ever again. I want to love you the way you deserve, if you'll let me?”

I try my best to sit up to kiss her but I can't. Jinx fills in the space and kisses me passionately and deeply. Like if she stopped kissing me she'd lose me again. I break the kiss.

“I know. I love you too”

She climbs into bed with me. We are so close that we could almost merge into one. She pushes my sweaty strands of hair out of my face and kisses me softly on my nose and we drift off to a blissful sleep. And even though this is the most pain i've ever been in i'm the happiest i've ever been.

[castlebyersafterdark]

ok random thought. does anyone worry that we might get byler and a byler kiss or two and it might end up being… weird? weird in that we’ve watched these two actors grow up since being kids and yea we have shipped their characters but like actually seeing these grown now actors kissing after all these years after literally watching them growing up together might be different??? like awk or strange for some of us since most actors on shows we don’t grow up with them? idk if I am explaining it right lol. And like realistically I know finn and noah are good actors who have good chemistry and the show won’t let us down with the direction etc, but sometimes I am like… yea f/n have great chemistry and have been super cute over the years but it’s like there’s a block in my brain about how I might process them actually kissing as mike/will in the show? like i’m worried i might wait and be excited for byler to happen and then it happens and they kiss and I should be happy but instead im like….. oh. cause it feels weird to me or like what if god forbid the chemistry doesn’t lend itself to a good romantic kiss onscreen!!! I feel like I am overthinking lol but … does this make any sense lol

Have to be honest, I don’t really have this doubt! I fully believe Finn and Noah will deliver. I think the chemistry is so there, I think they want to do this, do this right. Here's one vision: imagine they're filming it, they've only blocked it so far in rehearsal, the first kiss is to really be the first kiss just to keep big moments for authentic filming. The first attempt is odd, they're kind of laughing a little as they go for it, angle was weird. Both end up just kinda laughing against each other's mouth before one pulls back fast. Tries to reset. Be serious. Then it happens again. After a few failed takes one of them asks to pause for a moment and they step away, a chat between the two actors. The closeness these two have from all these years, imagine one of them just talking soft like "Hey, hey. Slow down with me. We can do this." Finn really becomes Mike, with his gentle reassurances. Noah going serious, calm, looking up at him while he nods his head. They do another take. This is the one, or at least the first of the round of really good, authentic takes of the kiss. They flip a switch and they embody the characters. That initial take is the one the filmmakers go with, but they still do a few more. Just in case. Just one more. And one more. 😉

I don't see either of them complaining and saying "this is too weird" like the HP actors who probably took one awkward take and then said please just use it so we don't have to do that again haha. Maybe we do project other reasons onto F/N but it's not all that. They have actual chemistry on the show. We've seen it. So we'll be able to witness a kiss with actual chemistry as well. I very much trust them.

And I'm very firmly in the camp that I don't really put much personal stock in the "we watched them grow up" mindset as a detractors to make it weird. Because that's just it, they grew up. We're at a different place now. I don't look at every adult and think of them immediately as a kid, even if I'm familiar with them also younger. Irl and celebs. Just not how I view things because it's all a journey but watching the journey, here we are. I just don't think its fair to not afford the actors and the characters the full extend of the journey and life to say they'll always be those little kids we met in season one. Negates the story, the growth, the beauty of observing a fulfilled life, what they've worked towards. Its really nice we've gotten to observe and experience this with them.

[averywiseanimatedcat]

Ok but I’m so excited and apprehensive to see Aziraphale and Crowleys first meeting and bit of time together after their fight in S3.

Will it be awkward? Will it be emotional? Will it be cold and serious? Will it be funny?

Are we going with age old tropes?

Like Is someone gonna yell ‘FOR FUCKS SAKES JUST SNOG AND GET IT OVER WITH!’ at them because their fighting is holding up the plan?

Is Crowley gonna be civil but sarcastic as hell calling Aziraphale ‘aRC aNGel’ in as pompous as accent as he can muster every time he gets the opportunity?

Is Aziraphale gonna pretend to not care whilst so obviously daydreaming about shoving his demon up against the wall because Crowley decided to change up his wardrobe and looks sluttier than he ever has before?

Is there gonna be jealously where they secretly sabotage anyone who looks like they’re getting to close to the other one (see: Jesus and Crowleys history)

Are they gonna get put into some situation where they HAVE to be physically close and it’s super awkward then they both look at each other and there’s a moment then they’re interrupted?

Is Crowley gonna pull the ultimate blind side and become Beelzebub and the way Aziraphale finds out is when Hell and Heaven have their first meeting together after their fight? Crowley saunters up in his new Duke of Hell look (which is super slutty) and is like ‘sup bro’ and Aziraphale is like ‘whattdayamean sup bro???’

Are they gonna forget to be mad sometimes and the facade slips then they notice and get ultra petty again?

Are we gonna somehow end up with them together in the Bentley and it’s gonna lock them inside and force them to awkwardly talk?

Im sure S3 will be extremely emotional in many ways but this show consistently delivers top tier comedy in difficult times. I have no doubt there will be laughter amongst the sound of my heart shattering into a million pieces.

[blu-wingz]

whats up its stampede saturday and ive GOT SO MANY THOUGHTS

trigun/stampede/manga spoilers blah blah im normal

ok so what the fuck /pos

ok so fuck. i know i said i had thoughts but ah to put them into words FUCK

disclaimer: i’ve read the manga and seen 1998 trigun so i know whats up.

The Tesla scene. god. they made it much more gruesome and i loved it. KEEPING HER ALIVE ooooh that hurts. but i wish they had a whole episode to explain tesla, what the humans did to her and how this drastically changed the twins’ POV of humanity and their place in the world. bc god that scene was only like less than 2 mins long and i dont think they did her much justice. maybe they will dive into it more but i doubt it since they have to deal with A GIANT PLANT MONSTER

that thing is gorgeous btw. the animation style is so good, that doesnt need to be said but god the studio is using the medium so well. im sure some botany fanatic is gushing about the flora symbolism. and i’ve no clue how July will perish now. anyway, vash is gonna feel SO guilty after this. oh goodness.

VASH HANGING ONTO HIS LAST REMNANTS OF REM THAT HURT LIKE A BITCH FUCK. AND WHEN NAI TOLD HIM “i did this [The big fall] all for you” “so its my fault”. OH BOY I DO LIKE TO SEE VASH SUFFER BUT BITCH THAT FUCKING HURTS. man. seeing him as a husk, a void vash, and it hurt. and him asking if he knew meryl and roberto, fuck!! ouchie!! and also Knives reading the Bible and deciding “yeah humanity is fucked and heres the proof” is SO FUCKING FUNNY. lmao. the implications that he was inspired yet disgusted by the bible sm that he despises humanity and also started a religious cult. oh my god.

Wolfwood wasn’t in a hurry to leave. he didnt want to get involved but he wasn’t rushing to the exit to move on with his life. he was hanging around just in case. of what? idk. this tristamp WW is a bit more mysterious for me and i like it. He didnt make Meryl leave either. didnt bother to stop her. that says so much about him.

oh and poor meryl. for a sec i saw the vines unleash in the room and thought it was gonna be like that volume where she sees what Vash’s feels/sees bc she touches his feathers. i got so scared. bc damn it. every moment in the manga has its impact and trying to shuffle them around to fit this new story hurts me personally /sarcasm. again, i LOVE this new show. im thankful for this new cake but sometimes i see remnants of the manga and i miss the original story. anyway, i cant wait to see what will happen to July, WW and Meryl.

also wtf happy birthday twins i fucking guess. idk if it was hinted before but what a jumpscare. but not a terrible jumpscare as the fucking plants being impregnated by Vash or Knives of the fucking core or whatever the fuck. like yeah. i know the metaphors of motherhood and shit but fucking. i didnt need that imagery personally. and i dont wanna think about it anymore. yall can have it. whatever. it just makes me uncomfy, nothing serious lol

it seems like they keep touching, briefly, on plot points from the manga but not exploring them fully. and i get it. its hard to explain anything from og trimax in 22 minutes, much less 12 episodes. and also i cant blame them so much. maybe watching this live is skewing my view of the entirety of the show. i am definitely re watching this when its finished. i fucking love trigun. and so i won’t comment much on the event order or whatever. i should just let it go. Its a new show with remnants of the manga and its so cool.

.anyway last episode is the day before my birthday so yipee! bday gift for me lol

edit: VASH HAS LEG PROSTHETICS WOOW how did he lose em hmmm

[ryo-hirakawa]

thoughts on fe berlin round 1:

stoff got a good start and then...didnt??

HOW IS TICKTUM LEADING

"home speed home" is so cute i love the porsche halos so much you have no idea

ok if seb and sam get to save energy i will allow this

attack mode on LAP 3???

TAKE IT AGAIN STRAIGHT AWAY???

what da hell. why is everyone keen on getting rid of their attacks except jake dennis.

i mean ik its bc they dont want to be leading which is. ok fair. but for the entire strat to be built around it is kind of concerning? didn't we have leader chicken in brazil too

maseratis BEHAVE we don't get the points often!!

BE FOR REAL???

max has been voodooed for sure

NICK WAKE UP

SAM YOU'VE ALREADY USED YOUR ATTACKS WYD

can everyone be serious for a minute. 😐

they should've meatball flagged sergio

EDO IS LEADING?? FROM 11TH???

sam has also been voodooed for sure

im kind of glad the tv chose to broadcast superbikes over this bc girl i would have been embarrassed making my parents watch this chaos

edo low on energy we r finished i fear

im also low on energy...falling asleep

MITCH IS LEADING?? idek where he started 😭😭 and he still has both attacks like the bottom half of the field this can't be real

JEANDRE SPIN???

the pack was so fucking close it was bound to happen ngl

THE MASERATIS ARE BOTH IN THE TOP 5??? doubt it will last but still. wild.

pascal is in 8th from like p last of the actual driveable cars

maserati boys top 2 overtakers is slay

WHAT THE FUCK. FOUR OF YALL???

stoffel and ticktum sure are having a conversation. poor norman and jake hughes

NICK IN THE PITS??? i wished too much for a nick championship run and now i got this

i am still falling asleep btw

wait actually how is antonio p5 from starting even more p last of the drivable cars than pascal

jake dennis saying maserati is ruining his race they're your rivals that's part of the job?

HELP?????

bro he launched himself

comms saying dennis the menance is so odd bc i normally hear it in a playful way when referring to dennis hauger lol

poor antonio...all that for this shit

pascal kind of goated for staying out of trouble in a race like this ngl

8 different race leaders ���‍💫 23 lead changes

3 extra laps doesn't feel that bad tbh i thought it would be worse for some reason

THAT END??? WHAT

MAX GOT SEB AT THE LINE OMG there was a collision i hope stewards let them both off lol

HOW DID NICK CLAW BACK?? GOAT??

obsessed with the jag garage cam they all went CRAZY

glad for mitch but oh my god that could have been sams...if not for the false attack mode moment idk

audible "go away from the car" from the scrutineer as jack commentates is so funny

sam can bench press a kiwi! a small kiwi

jack distracting them and so they all drove into the pitlane and now they have to walk to the other side 😭😭

[inact-ice]

Season 2 Episode 7!!

- zombie? In this show magics canonically real right? I doubt they’re gonna do zombies tho lmao

- if season 1 buck had decided to commandeer a giant shovel machine (forgot its name)like this people would’ve dragged him

- HI KAREN! Hens father left??? This fandom really doesn’t talk about hen enough bc goddamn

- bye bye hens dads life support

- hi Maddie

- THIS IS THE GHOST CLIFF CALL (I think) wow season 2 is iconic

- chimney is such a funny guy who always agrees with me, yeah PULL THE CORD HEN. Lmao not hen bringing up the rebar incident… you he indeed

- eddie stop serving face a ghost just called 911 for a man on a cliff

- EDDIE YES A GHOST CALLED 911 GHOSTS EXIST IN YOUR UNIVERSE SHITS CRAZY

- Buck no way you just said we gotta live one right in front of the the live one in question

- SEE ITS A GHOST

- no way Bobby’s acting like the idea of a ghost calling 911 is crazy, who tf else made the call? Really a random other stranger who left?? There wasn’t even a path under him it was ocean

- EDDIE STOP SERVING FACE YOURE MAKING ME NERVOUS! I remember being a student watching prospective parents creep on our class

- SHANNON! WE’RE GONNA MEEY EDDIES FIRST VICTIM!! Tf you mean there’s not a custody agreement.. how has this never come up before

- BATS! ABBY THE CITY NEEDS YOU

- Eddie stop serving face there are bats among us

- lmao Donald trump joke in hit show 9-1-1

- why’s everyone acting like the ghost thing is crazy, that phone was so freaking clean! And there’s the same voice, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN IT WAS A GHOST

- A GHOST CALLED 911 I LOVE THIS SHOW

- Why do they keep saying a ghost called 911, like we get it

- oh maddies talking about Abby… yeah buck you gotta leave her house man she’s not coming back

- HENREN! Nice to see you without the cheating arc queens

- still so crazy that I never heard about this arc like what

- henren being cute, love it.

- SHANNON! HI IM SO GLAD TO MEET YOU! … why did Eddie hug her like that tf

- Eddie stop serving face, the wife you abandoned who then abandoned you is looking at pictures of your son

- god Eddie really is so hot, like distractingly so

- omg Shannon Abby’s mom was sick too, you guys should meet up

- Shannon I’m so sorry to hear this bc I know that man’s lying to your face rn… truly can’t comprehend that he left her alone to raise a kid with the same people who badmouthed her after she DIED. I know lots about the Shannon backstory bc people love eddies drama

- wait…. Athena you saw the cops be incompetent asf and you decided you wanted to contribute to that? Well anyways

- someone should’ve told 9 year old Athena about the true crime girlies

- pull that plug hen!

- on a serious note, this arc with hen and her dad is so fucking good. Like no offense but can we focus on this instead of Athena’s thing and eddies mess?

- Carla and Eddie should get together fr

- Eddie be so fucking for real. YEAH TELL HIM CARLA!! He works 30 minutes from her??? LAFD IS THE BEST IN THE WORLD?! That can’t be true, what about Australia?

- awww christopherrrr i love this kid

- the police being insane again, wdym you’re bringing a horse near a firebreather, you wanted to die fr

- OH NO HE HURT THE HORSE! If this horse dies the police man needs to die on my screen

- police man this is so 100% your fault, FUCK YOU

- ohh not the metaphor for hens dad… how’s she gonna pull the plug on her dad if she can’t do it for the horse. Can someone like hold hen please

- oh hello little girl, hope this doesn’t traumatize you for life. And we’re just letting her watch??? Ok ig

- guys I actually don’t care that much about the horse, I only knew him for like 5 seconds and I knew he was gonna die the moment I saw that stupid cop on him

- so what’s the point of Athena’s little arc here, like what is this for

- SHANNON! Damn Shannon’s beautiful. Eddie Diaz you get your hand off of that woman’s car, have you lost it?? This is like a softer version of that scene everyone was freaking out about in the kissing booth

- OH SHANNON😭 it’s not your fault your kids disabled and it’s not something that’s a fault anyways, Christopher’s awesome

- wait guys I love Shannon, she’s so juicy and complex. Wow Eddie is a horrible actor, Shannon’s putting her shannussy into this and he’s like “I miss you” 😐

- oh no way are they kissing rn. Wait this is such a hot couple like guys lemme squeeze right in between ya

- ugh hi buck, hi Carla! Yeah that voice is me buck, move ON! DAMN! Can a woman not mourn her dead mother without a man whining about it. Buck moooove omg, if you’re so upset about it then MOOOVE! Yeah that’s what I said, you should have moved on a looong time ago

- FINALLY BACK TO THE INTERESTING HEN PARTS! Aw hen :( confessions to an imaginary daddy is gonna get me unfortunately. Oh she’s gonna pull the plug! Forgive him?? Aw hen, I wish they’d let this arc kinda breathe without the Buck nonsense and whatever random thing Athena had going on, but that was very touching

- like why is buck doing the end thing rn, HENS FATHWR JUST DIED! Buck this is embarrassing for both of us bc i forgot you still lived here tbh… like wasn’t he flirting it up w/ Taylor last episode? I thought he’d moved on!

this episode should’ve been called ‘a ghost called 911’. God why is season 2 so boring, and I still don’t get why you guys are so obsessed with Buck like all he does is give me second hand embarrassment and mildly annoy me. Ok onto the next episode

[soft4gguk]

i just really wish oc would open up but i don't blame her. she can already see from jk's actions and words (or lack thereof) that he does not feel the same way, or he does but he doesn't realize it yet. she's scared to open up for fear of rejection, because jk ignored her when she said i love you. he pretends and hides their relationship. gets jealous when he kind of does not have the right to..so thats my guess why she doesnt wanna say anything, wants to live in the moment and hold onto the happy memories. I’m just scared of what she’ll end up doing—if she leaves, how will jk take it? Like how ira left and now oc…not that I’m blaming oc. I don’t think she’ll leave jk without any explanation. Still, it’ll hurt him. And miss soori too. Or will she end their relationship but continue being soori’s nanny? Idk…

And I could see why jungkook is hesitant as well and doesn’t wanna bring up anything. Because things are good between them now (or so he thinks) and he doesn’t wanna ruin anything? It’s just sad because there’s a lot at stake should he take the next step and really be serious with oc. Like if they do become serious it’s so much more than just the relationship between him and oc. It’s her relationship to soori, to his parents, to his friends. It’s the thought of oc being a mother to soori. Is that something oc really wants? Something she’s ready for at her age? Like what if she ends up resenting him? Idk. I get it but like it’s sad because he’s not willing to take the jump for her.

Having a relationship like that is soooo complicated. Though I really admire oc with how she navigates things. Wish she could speak up, but she really seems mature with everything. How she realizes that love isn’t supposed to be like that, how she’s there for soori and doing her job…

Anw I’m excited for how things will play out!

hi bestie I think this is you. <33

ugh, it's all so complicated. I mean, yeah, I highly doubt she'd ever just up and leave! but at the same time, with how little time its been since ira left, any form of leaving could be really painful to jk and sort of trigger that feeling he felt when ira left? but also. he's being so dense and it's unfair to her! the hiding is getting a little too much for me tbh. like even when I write it im like ur a dick. lmao. but at the same time I get why he has to thread carefully. it's messy!!

and yes, your point reiterates mine!! it's truly not just about them anymore. matter of fact, it never was! Soori has always been in the middle. and the ira thing having been so recent also adds to the shock of him, well, moving on. sort of how like his parents had that awful talk with him telling him there would be no more suffering and whatnot. and yeah... about oc being ready... let me not say too much!!! but it's a good point to touch on. can't wait to elaborate on it!!

oc is super mature. idk. she's just different ok 😩 I love her so much! and I think whatever she chooses to do, she'll be happy in the end bc she DESERVES IT.

thank u sooo much for this message. I loved answering it. iluuu <333

[abishekmuses]

Neediness This is an interesting topic eh?

I think I've had a problem with this. A huge part of it is inherited.

Weridly, I think i'm not always needly (even in the past).

It's a function of my energy state and emotional state.

I'm writing about this here because I definitely want to think about this topic a lot more in the days to come.

I think Mark Manson's book does a great job of breaking down neediness and its opposite - "non neediness".

I started thinking about this today because of this post I read by Visakan.

3/5/24 Wow how timely - how portentous - I wrote about this two days ago and completely forgot. Here I am now, in the "lower realms" hehe. My heart hurts. I am overcome with grief, sorrow and self-doubt.

I acted needy yesterday I think. And in the light of this state, the whole personage of Abishek looks to be in pretty bad shape. Out of control etc. Self-criticism doesn't help.

Here's what I've learned in this period - one of the lessons anyway - this whole "parents fuck you up" thing is bullshit i think. It might be true on some level but hey they can't fucking help it dude - genetics are at play i think. These behavious patterns. These samkaras. Sub-optimal eh? They need to be optimised through the sublimating process of bringing things into awareness, and accepting them. That's as far as i've gotten.

Then of course, there is aspect of actually taking hold of the controller and playing better. I kind of got there last week. Man for a second here, let me just speak about the linkedin thing - dude as of last week, i was so dialled in - hey but that's what all the warnings were about eh? This is an endurance game man. It's just about blind belief and the inevitable optimisation that'll happen. Maybe at some stage, the optimisation won't happen automatically but we're not there yet.

God it was a telling example of neediness what happened with kamalesh yeseterday - the awareness was there - it really was - i didn't want to say it - it was straining to come out - why? - i think I like the dopamine hits - i'm so starved of that feeling of well being and fulfillemnt - that feeling of having my own respect and feeling like i'm dialled into the game and that i've victories behind me and ahead of me, that i seek any and everything that resembles a small victory. Wow this is an important lesson to learn man. This insight, if properly handled, is going to catapult us so far beyond these levels, you have no idea. This is an amazing moment. This is a moment that is pretty damn close to being a win by itself. I think it IS a win. It doesn't feel like it but it can be - if only I contend with it in the right way, optimise and keep moving forward.

I want that internet money. I fucking want it. There - I fucking said it. I want that fucking internet money. I want to do it right. I want that money but I want it playing in my own aesthetic zone. I will not sell out. I want enough that I can play - I want enough to always see life as play. i want enough to pursue my interests and not have sword hanging over my head. Ok now im thinking if the explanation i ended up with for the oversharing behaviour is actually accurate.

Look at these stuttering thoughts. A mind that works in a very particular way - this is the way my dad's mind works. He must have gone through some serious pain and trauma man - with people mocking him and not giving him respect. I feel for that man so bad right now. I have my english to fall back on. I have my fortress, as johannes puts it. I'm in a lot of pain right now with all my tools, my understandings, my experiences - this whole fucking thing is a fucking dream - a video game - I know this and it still hurts - imagine the plight of that man. Fuck dude I really want to support him and ease his pain somehow. I don't know how yet but this is me making a strong sankalpa towards that end.

These genetics have their limitations - obviously. I can transcend but it's not simply about wishing it to happen. It's not about intellectualising. It's about bringing as many aspects of this into my awareness as possible. Intuitively, i feel like taking charge of my physical appearance is going to a huge step in the right direction. I want to invest more care and attention in this direction. More than anything else, I want to bring awareness there. I remember that it tripped me up in the lighthouse with Julius and Reda as well. It's a shadow spot. A place where awareness doesn't come through in this one - I've seen others having it easy. This resonates.

Which then neatly dovetails into the youtube idea as well man. The more I record myself and persist through the lack of awareness, the pain that is brought on by me doing unaesthetic things due to said lack of awareness and so on - this will work great at getting awareness into those places. Physical exercise is a HUGE part of this that's currently in limbo - it's ok bro - this feels like a rough place to be - it's not. just chill. it's all under control. we gots this!

[gayspock]

okay i

i feel like my experience of bsg has been constantly being edged. but not even just bc theyre not, like, "exploring the things i want thm to explore" bc sometimes i feel like theyre not even in the vicinity of CONSIDERING such deeply interesting elements like... theres so much underutilised substance here and unfounded potential and its, like, not even as if the writers are AWARE of it sometimes like

im still kinda. irritated. by how the cylons have turned out bc ultimately they COULD have been a very interesting race to explore.... but frankly you could just replace them with people at some point - just people that can be reborn. and i dont necessarily MIND that! its kind of, like, a bit of a waste in some respects BUT i'd be like... okay with it if they rlly DID want to lean hard into the oh the differences between us are just purely arbitrary ... we really are just people... BUT TBH IT SOMETIMES DOESNT EVEN RLLY FEEL LIKE THAT is the case, like it so rarely even feels intentional, just... FEELS LIKE THEY DONT RLLY THINK ABOUT THE IMOACT SOME OF THE CHOICES THEY MADE WOULD HAVE, bc deven then thand i feel like god theyre just....

like it just constantly feels like we're kind of skimming the surface of a lot of shit (waves vaguely) but NOT really going into them, just sort of briskly going through ideas... even the ones at the heart of the show like faith and religion and so forth AND ITS LIKE... SO bizarre to watch, bcITS NOT THAT THEY DONT DO ANYTHING GOOD, OR IN DEPTH EITHER is the thing its just like....

i think they do rlly well at portraying certain crises. i know they do that well. and theres these moments that are so insanely good... i think gaius baltar has genuinely been a spectacular portrayal of a fucking egotistical git, and that his rise to power was honestly a very realistic ddepiction of WHAT people would vote for etc. and theres other moments like that and the pegasus and a lot of s3's ending that are sooo good and tense and impactful but the rest of it is so weird its like. it feels like i keep going "OK COOL. AND?" just rxpecting there to be more stewing in things but theres not and

part of me maybe just feels like thats the style of it but god im also so sick of it when we spend 10 million FRACKING YEARS on some shit lee is up to like i fucking careeeee when we could have spent that time developing some other big important ideas that genuinly. could matter here. i dont know i dont know man im really angry about dualla right now for real and im kind of . like im TRYINGGG TO CHILL bc im too close to the end to stop but that has actually pissed me off a lot bc i feel like if we WANTED a final five contender she'd have been such a good fucking shout frankly annd i dont kniw god. i was half expecting the ball to drop and for her to somehow be one of them right there but no god they .

they seriously just fucking killed her and for what. like no im serious like. i think thats the first thing thats really PISSED me off in the show bc you canttt just fucking drag a character - who had GOOD potential, that was stolen from her repeatedly - along for seasons and do nothing with her to then just. try to milk her for fucking shock value and sympathy points and no doubt to try and fucking . develop lee soon which im seething about prematurely which i kno w is unfair but thats literally... ohh im pissedddd. oh im pissed. my point is its so fucking lazy and annoying and i think the other problem is like

they have characters where its like . my god. im so glad you actually had the integrity to follow through with them and have them make shitty decisions instead of being so caught up on trying to craft some very specific construct of a guy here. i think tigh is done brilliantly for example. ive mentioned baltar - for all he is loathsome, he is so well done (although slacking a bit later). but then you have characters like lee... and to some externt kara... where im just kind of sick of them man bc its like. they dont even feel like characters to me. ium just sick of their fucking faces bc i feel like the show bends around them to do whatever the fuck they want and they get justified and rewarded and its so fucking tiring to watxh sometimes like i dont.. ugh... bc like ive said with lee countless times he isnt even a character to me bc he has no fucking agency. hes a fucking lamp that they carry around and tell it what a good job its doing. so what man . and then it does some speech to save the day LIKE WHOOOO CARRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS UGHHH SHUT UP

meanwhile again dualla. cally. to some extent sam but i hope hes getting more work put into him now. like ppl on the peripheray here which just literally get DROPPED or reset at the end ofepisode or ignored and forgotten and its like i dont know man can we fucking stop . going on about kara and lee for two seconds because i dont fucking care about him. at least kara i feel like you can kinda lean into it bc its a part of her character- with lee i just feel annoyed but i. HWATEVER. I DIGRESS. I DONT KNOW

MY WHOLE POINT IS IM LIKE. GOD. WHAT THE FUCK MAN. bc i feel myself kinda burnt out + in fairness i have no time to watch rn bc im so tired but its also like... i dont know i dont feel that intrigued by the man plot bc i just feel like theres a lack of depth to the show in such a weird prticular way i can never put m finger on and its just lik. it feels like theres no stakes fo me. and now theyre at earth and i dont know if i even cared like... huh wtf

[dballzposting]

OK I'm gonna say what I wnated to say in the orignal post but I didn't becasue the post got too long. I'm gonna say it. I'm gonna say it

I've joked before that Gohan in this sort of environment has to go into the woods to have some alone time & to j*rk off sometimes. And that's funny and all. But now I'm gonna be really serious about it

(content is a focus on what sexual repression does to a mf, trauma responses, and at the end a super swaggy Gohan & Videl moment)

[DISCLAIMER: I don't know things. ]

And I don't mean to startle anyone but I'm trying to be factual and realistic here. Living in a time of "peace" but being functionally trapped at home, in the middle of nowhere, during his pubescent years, was not healthy or good or fun. Now I've no doubt that Gohan was traumatized enough to be sufficiently shutdown when it comes to the arduous matters of romance & sex (requiring both a connection with basic instinct and a functioning social engagement system), and he is only HALF human, so you could argue that this simply wasn't a concern.

But Long Story Short ... To Set The Scene of my Thinking Here ...

Humans are profoundly loving animals. In theory a healthy human has access to innate & plentiful libidinal reserves and is able to release them when due, throuhg romance & sex, and it keeps them in good health. Many if not most modern cultures promote a disconnect from one's instincts and deepest feelings, and especially in the subject of sexual things. Sex is made perverse and bad and weird. It's exhausting to have children in most societies nowadays and it is something that both sexes fear and are unprepared for. The prevailing Western philosophy of assuming a mind/body disconnect worsens everything so much. Everybody is carrying trauma to some degree becasue nobody knows how to heal from things, and that disrupts basic survival things like appetite, sleep, bonding capabilities, and sex drive. I know im just saying words to you and offering no sort of evidence or proof. And I know that it sounds upsetting & and I've been upset many times reading my little books. But you can trust me. Long story short I'm good for it

So my point is that when I said that Gohan finds a habit of repression when fulfilling his role in the family, one of the things that he represses is any and all libidinal stock or potential that he has. Simply becasue Where is he meant to find outlet. But those sorts of energies are in him somewhere becasue that's just how we're built

And I get it. I bet sometimes the pretty colors in his textbooks seemed especially alluring. I bet he subconsciously gave numbers personalities and I bet he had peculiar favorites. I bet he tried to pretend that he was being totally normal when he was reading a biology textbook and his eyes immediately jumped to the part of the page that had the word "sex" written in it, and that it was just coincidence and that he didn't feel mysteriously fixated or disturbed at all.

But listen man. It's Not So Simple that he can just go out into the woods alone and jerk off or something. If his Only Problem In Da World was just that he had no one to love, then yeah maybe that would be his next best solution, and he would do that and be mature about it. But that's really just a symptom of a greater complex of problems. His problems are that he doesnt have anyone to love, he doesnt want anyone to love, he doesnt think that he needs anyone to love, he doesnt feel like he has any love to give, he doesnt actually care, he thinks he doesnt care, he's BUSY, he has better things to care about, HE DOESNT UNDERSTAND IT, he doesnt like it, and he's afraid of it. And he thinks it's bad.

Again if he wasn't so fucked up then he would be able to calmly observe the seamless connection running from abstract feelings through to physical engagement and how it's all equally important to the lived experience of the organism, and he would be able to make the entitled choice to go out and observe romance in his life or not. But he's all fucked up & constricted & it makes him crazy & paranoid and so bascially he feels like the part of him that jerks off in the woods is EVIL.

I mean sometimes he's cool with it. Sometimes he really does seem more well-adjusted than other times, and life is good, and he's alright. And then other times the shadow of the past has him in its clutches again and he doesnt feel okay and he feels like nothing is okay and he doesnt like what's going on inside.

Look it's very simple: It's just that the idea of himself that he has in his head, the person he wants to be, the role he wants to play in the household - it would be VERY IMPROPER for that person to harbor any sexual potential, any interest, any desire, any thoughts whatsoever. That simple guys.

He wants to be his mother's son and a great older brother. But at the same time he's becoming a man and it's odd to still live under his mother's rule. But he wouldnt have it any other way obviosuly like he's needed here and is probably too young to go out on his own anyway, right? But maybe it's weird caring for a child that isn't his. But of course that's complete bullshit becasue he loves his baby brother to bits.

The situation is what it is and sometimes it makes a lot of sense and there is a lot of love to go around. Sometimes Gohan understands that one day he may start a family of his own, but he doesn't know when that would be, and it isn't relevant now, and he's not thinking of it. So it's all fine.

But he's not the most stable individual and sometimes he's in the shit. Sometimes life is scary and he tenses up hard against it, and I don't think that he would be able to read these patterns, or to be able to realize that the sense of fear comes from within and not from external stimuli. There are things from the past that he hasn't healed from and ways that his current situation is keeping him down and sometimes that makes him crazy! And he always believes his fear unequivocally as being entirely founded and objective. And his perspective becomes out of proportion.

It's very simple. It's literaslly just the fear of somebody sitting at the dinner table and being Absolutely Completely 100% Terrified. Terrified at what? Well fear needs an object. But it doesnt have to be especially clear. It could be vague. It could just be a feeling. It's just a fear for the abstract notion of Being Bad, or Being Caught, or being Embarrassed, or antyhing like that. And fear always attracts its object too, so if he's afraid of thinking Bad Thoughts, then he just may have them.

I want to be clear: I'm zeroing in on this subject specifically, and while I do believe his libidinal energies were not handled with respect and that this incurred its own type of misery, this is overall Not A Big Takeaway from this part of his life. In hindsight, he mostly remembers studying and avoiding big feelings. It's true that repression leads to perversion when things do bubble up through the cracks, but he didn't have the fortitude for even that. He didn't have distinct fantasies. He didn't ever look at a nudie magazine. He never knew enough to attach an image to his feelings. He just didn't develop on that aspect of himself at all. No developing of tastes, no interacting much with his body, no nothing. It wasn't even all repression - it was just simply a seed not sprouting because you never watered it! There were bigger things to deal with, surely.

But he was also a teenage boy. And you know how it is.

Feelings aren't logical, and in this case he never thought this through because - well, what a horrible thing to address! But here's a breakdown of what was going on in his fearful little head. (And this is something that, I think, a lot of people may relate to in little ways:)

I want to be a good person.

Making people happy makes me a good person.

Therefore, if I make people happy, then I will be a good person.

My mom is happy when I listen to what she says and respect her rules.

She has always looked down on playboy types and warned strongly against "fooling around" with girls; it is a bad thing to do.

If I do what's bad, I am not a good person.

If I go against my mother's wishes, she will be unhappy, and I will be a bad person.

Therefore, I will do what she says, and not date until marriage.

If sex is bad, then engaging with it is bad.

Therefore, in order to not be bad, I will avoid it and not think of it until marriage.

Mindset can affect your heart and soul as much as your head.

If I want to be a good person, then I will have only good thoughts.

I want to be a good person.

I don't want to think of bad things.

Therefore, i will not, and do not want, to think about sex.

Sex is an important part of the natural world.

The natural world is beautiful.

I would never shame the natural world.

Therefore, sex in nature is fine and good.

Therefore, sex is only bad when it's me.

Therefore, it is alright to learn and read about sex as it pertains to science and nature.

Sex is an inappropriate subject.

Sex is not family-friendly.

I want to be a good member of the family.

Therefore, sex can have no place here.

Sex is bad to do, and a bad subject to talk or think about in the house.

Therefore, as long as I am a part of this family, sex is doubly-bad.

If I am a member of this family, and if I harbor sexual thoughts or inclinations, then that is a horrible moral contradiction.

Therefore, I cannot do both.

I want to be a good member of this family.

I cannot be a good member of this family if I have sexual thoughts.

Therefore, I cannot have sexual thoughts.

But that makes it seem like it's a logic puzzle. In the world of feelings, and the world of the trauma-induced habit of "if i face this or think about this or feel this then i will die i will most certainly die and be dead and go to hell for forever," it's just that - he doesn't think that he can be a good son or big brother if he is also a sexual person, and a such he feels T.E.R.R.I.B.L.E and TERRIFIED when he does feel sexual things, no matter how abstract or minor.

To loop back - it's the fear of someone sitting at the dinner table with their joyous younger brother and contented mother (neither of which are mind readers), and trying to be Normal, and having no reason to Not be normal becasue he's Done Nothing Wrong, but he FEELS like he's done something terribly terribly wrong, and fear needs an object, and he hates himself, and he doesnt trust himself to be normal, and he feels like he should be taken out back and shot, becasue IT'S REALLY SCARY TO CARRY LIBIDINAL ENERGIES IN AN ENVIRONMENT THAT IS SEVERELY NON-CONDUCIVE FOR THEM.

It's that simple. He just becomes afraid of his own feelings.

I don't know why this post is so long.

He gets scared and really FRUSTRATED sometimes becasue SOMETIMES it's not an issue. He is MUCH HAPPIER, he thinks, when he is able to put it out of his head entirely - those times when he feels peaceful, and easy, and he is able to sleep at night, and be normal, and be helpful, and be good. Why can't all the times be like that?

But life is necessarily transient + he's not that stable as a person + it's not healthy to just Not Feel Things like that = it comes up eventually. Probably in stupid ways. Triggers he can't parse. He saw a pretty flower and started thinking about bees and pollination and it set him on a spiral. When people are afraid of things that's all it takes. And when there are things that need to come out then that's all it takes.

So then you get those periods of time where he feels like a monster in his own home despite conducting himself with the most careful and mindful footsteps that anyone could muster. And he decides that Yknow What He's gonna have to be Mature about this and Do something about this evil within becasue it's His Responsibility to watch himself.

So he goes out into the woods and writes in his diary and watches the river for hours and hours and sometimes he jerks off in those damn woods and soemtimes he Just Cant Muster the Courage. Sometimes it comes easily and it's not a big deal and nature is beautiful and there's nothing wrong with him and actualy it makes sense ETC ETC and then other times he is a Beast Of Burden and he is out here Befouling these woods.

He doesn't realize it, but he's trying to just brute force himself into being who he wants to be - and duely, he becomes angry/irritated/upset when that falls through. Sometimes he does good, so good in fact that life feels so peaceful and calm, and life is good, and he's happy, maybe even adventurous, maybe even spontaneous, he may even be comfortable enough to open his mind to unconsidered terrain - and that bit of openness invites what's been hiding to come out, which is a bunch of bad stuff and anger and fear and shame and whatnot, including (but not limited to) sex as a possibility. So that's the cycle - every time he comes into a bit of expansion, he doesn't have the space or strength to move on from the lurking pain, so he shuts down again against it.

So he'll be doing good and fine and then one day he jolts awake in the middle of the night with the feeling of He Cannot Be Here in this House with his Brother and Mother right now. Like he needs to get OUT

So he goes out into the woods.

And don't think he doesnt get paranoid. He takes the time to suppress his ki. But then he also starts thinking about how other people have the power to suppress their ki and really he has no idea who could be out here in these woods right now. So then he spends hours just sitting and sensing out ki.

And rather than getting out and having some time alone and chilling out and calming down, he instead is afraid of Not being alone, so half of his mind is back at the house repeatedly scanning and checking and re-checking for his mother's and brother's ki signatures to make sure that they're there and they're staying there and they're not moving and they're not going anywhere and he's alone right now.

This is easier at night when evryone's sleeping becasue they're for sure not moving. But there's one night where little Goten can't sleep so he goes out and catches fireflies in the yard. And he doesnt know where Gohan is but he disappears at night sometimes so he deosnt worry about it. He just goes on catching fireflies.

But Gohan in one of his worst moments had been sitting by some stream trying very hard to calm down, and this unexpected shift in the placement of ki back at the house SCARED HIM SHITLESS.

Imagine you're Goten catching fireflies and then out of the blue your older brother shambles out of the woods looking like he just saw maybe 30 ghosts. And he asks you why you're awake and out and you say Just 'Cause. And he really does look like dogshit and it unnerves you because Gohan can be very warm and attentive. But also you have seen him during his weird periods and you dont know what it is, but it's just the way it is.

Compare this with the teenhood that Goten has. Goten straight-up has girlfriends. Straight-up. Straight-up. He also experiences sexual interests. But he's completely healthy and expressive about it. And he's a lot less of a weirdo for it.

My point in making this entire post was actually so I could say something about Gohan and Videl.

I was just gonna say that it would be cool for Gohan to work throuhg this once he does take on a romantic & sexual partner.

I always thought that Gohan would only work through his inner madness when he witnesses Goten moving through the ages: it reminds Gohan of the psychological backdrop that he had at that age, and he only faces it then. Otherwise, it just may never come up in a way that matters.

For example, Goten having a safe home at age 4 made Gohan very proud and grateful and relived, but also gave rise to a twitching-rage-oscillating-with-a-wild-paranoia, and he had to realize that he never mourned his lack of a safe childhood (jury is still out on if he processes the overwhelming fear or not).

So when Goten gets into his teen years and starts meeting girls & dating girls ... oi, it gets a little weird.

Chichi obviously doesn't want him to be dating before marriage, or to be fooling around with those city girls he meets at school. And she wants Gohan to talk some sense into him. But Gohan has always kept close to his principle of doing right by Goten and leading him down a good path. And part of him knows that Goten is happy being able to have friends and meet girls. And another part of him really just Doesnt Want To Think About It or be involved in this conversation at all. And another huge part of him is like .... totally up in arms about it.

When people have unresolved distress regarding past treatment or experiences, they tend to push that treatment unto or recreate that pain for others in a cycle of reenactment.

So it's like. He kind of wants to lock goten in his room and make him study. And he kind of wants him to feel debilitating shame. And he kind of wants him to hate himself and punish himself. And he kind of wants him to pay for helping to create the situation that forced Gohan to do all that to himself.

^ ENTIRELY ILLOGICAL and NOT AT ALL how Gohan actually feels or believes in. NOT EVEN CLOSE. We've been throuhg this. He loves his family and knows better. Yadda yadda

BUT I'M TELLING YOU that there shouldn't be moral implications attached to feelings, they're just how your body communicates with you and how you interact with the world. He feels that way becasue as a teenager, his freedom as an animal was infringed upon, and that kicked up some self-defending anger and resentment; THE LEAST OF HIS REPRESSED ANGER, no doubt, but it is living in him nonetheless. He should not act on those feelings, but he should feel them to move throuhg them. But that's near impossible if he feels like he's a bad awful person who should go to hell if he feels them.

He feels that way because he mistreated himself and held himself to bad faith, and that hurt, and that's unresolved, so some part of him wants to repeat it in an attempt to resolve it. I mean that's just reenactment for you.

He doesnt act on this resentment and he probably just gives Goten some safety advice and to abstain until marriage and to be kind to everyone and to be careful with his heart and the hearts of others. And that's it.

Gohan doesnt want Goten to have the teenhood that he did, becasue it sort of sucked, and he has the fortitude to be focused about his priorities.

But the whole thing definitely stirred up some nebulous bullshit from inside. Some real mysterious and nefarious bullshit that makes no sense & feels like nothing & that encourages him to drown himself in his work for a few days. And Videl notices that he;'s being straight-up funny about this and she confronts him about it. And the conversations just roll from there. It'd be cool if Gohan could come to face and work through some of his madness.

Falling in love with Videl unlocked some repressed energies of his, and that was cool, but it wasn't not everything, becasue why would it be. He hasn't been able to reconcile with the pain of shame emanating from his teen years, and his more primal layers haven't yet forgiven him for treating himself so poorly regarding.

It would be cool if he could, at this point in his marriage, have the stability to deal with what was locked up in his past and that still haunts him. If he could, yknow, come to want and enjoy sex with his epic wife. In a way more swaggy than what they had before.

Becasue what they had before was definitely, for the necessity of the both of them, Careful and Gentle and Mindful and appropriate and TBH i wouldn't call it vanilla becasue it can be a terrifying thing to blatantly walk into the primal and cosmic reality of male & female contrast and unity, and they're brave for that. But from an outside perspective Yeah it was well-organized missionary what do you want me to say.

LITERALLY MY POINT is just that it would be cool if Gohan could open up a little bit more to that. Laugh and joke a bit more about that sort of stuff. Lean into the good things. Discover and nurture a sexual fire for his wife, and to not be afraid of it.

And if he got more comfortable with this sort of stuff, then he would be interested in asking her questions that he was never okay with asking before. As in, connecting with her about things that he wasn't connected with himself about before.

Such as: "I know that you weren't allowed to date before me. But did you ever WANT to date? Did you have any crushes?"

and she would tell him that yeah she had a little crush on a boy once in middle school. And maybe once or twice in high school. And she never kissed anyone before but the first time she really wanted to was at a birthday-party-sleepover where she came close to kissing the hostess/birthday girl.

And he says "What." and she says that there was this girl in middle school whom she hated. Because she was a superficial and mean little cunt. But she invited Videl to her birthday party one year (probably because Videl had money). and Videl didnt get much female comraderie both due to her line of hobby (martial artist) and intimidating demeanor (she was a little rough around the edges, because her inborne aggression was consistently encouraged by her hobby, and becasue she was socially weird for having lost her mother and for people treating her special due to her family name). So she was looking forward to this slumberparty.

And she sets up this story like it's not a big deal, but she includes details like how she had helped the girl's mother clean the kitchen, and how that tired mother gave her the most thankful smile, and Videl was used to being treated like an adult, but being that appreciated by this exhausted mother made her realize that her cunt classmate maybe wasnt so unforgivable.

And then even thouhg Videl and this girl has never gotten along, while the sleepover was in effect, it was like none of that mattered. they werent smiling or laughing together, but they were more than diplomatic. And at some point the girl's extensive lip gloss and eye shadow collection had gotten dredged up and put on display in the bathroom; and the other girls were moving in and out to fuss with them; and then they moved on to the Super Smash Bros tournament; but some struck up convos in the kitchen; and Videl herself was the last to cycle into the bathroom becasue she didn't quite see the appeal in outdated lipgloss colors; but at this age she was torn between wanting to be different and wanting to be the same; and she has the capacity to enjoy pretty colorful sparkly things like other girls; so Videl drifts into the bathroom and half-closes the door out of habit before she realizes that the cunt birthday girl was in there putting on lipgloss; and without fanfare or much emotion at all, she tells Videl to come over so that she can "put some pretty" on that face of hers.

And Videl really does hate this girl but she really loves the female comraderie hanging thick in the air tonight, she loves the gentle touch of the girls braiding each others' hair which contrasted sharply with the touch of an opponent in battle. She hates this girl for her snotty attitude and her petty lies and her superficiality; and for her kindly and overworked mother; but Videl can't pretend that she didn't notice the lack of a man's coat in the coat closet, or the way that her mother had said that the party ended at 9 AM sharp becasue she had to leave for work then; and Videl on some level wants to teach this girl a lesson for always treating her in bad faith, but her innate pull for justice is dutifully processing newfound sympathy in current time; and she lets this girl put eyeshadow on her face that is SO not her color and Videl KNOWS that she had chosen that to be shitty; but she also is coming to see that this girl's cuntiness is a wall that means absolutely nothing to her; and she is starting to see through it; and the way that this girl has invited her to her birthday party despite their historical shared animosity, and the way that she is allowing them to be alone together in this bathroom, is all proof that this poor girl doesn't really stand up for what she says or does; and Videl feels pity; and she smells blood in the water; and she feels read for filth; and she feels defensive and offensive; and she feels like the harbinger of truth; and she is 14 years old and is seriously about to kiss this girl on the mouth in the most cynical and heartfelt way.

But she doesn't, becasue she didnt want to risk getting kicked out early or embarrassing herself.

And she tells this story and Gohan says Ummmmmmmmmmmm. He says "...Ok......So.... 14 is a weird age huh.....?" ready to pass it off. And Videl says something like "Yeah I didn't know what I wanted then. Well I knew that I wanted to close that door and break into her wretched soul, and I knew that one kiss would undo her, but that it would also damn me, like a hook in my lip, and I guess I gave us mercy then. But seriously. I didn't even know if I wanted True Blue or Orange Sparkle lipgloss. I was just as confused as she was."

And Gohan is like Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

".....But that was .. just then, right? At that ... all-girls sleepover? N...Never again?"

"Oh yeah. I grew out of my teenage angst a little and started being a better person - and really meaning it too. After that I only wanted to kiss girls whom I thought could handle it."

"........................................You wanted to kiss more girls?"

"Oh, it's no big deal, like I said, I never dated. And I never had any major crushes, really."

"...........Okay. So you ... grew out of that? .... You stopped ... looking at girls?"

"Oh, looking is a whole different story. I got too adroit at fraternizing with girls, as a girl, but - before I opened my mouth, there were some girls who would flourish under a secret, but scrutinizing, gaze."

and Gohn is like Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. What.

And then she says: "Look, Gohan, it's like this. Remember when we met, I wore a lot of baggy clothes? It's what I was comfortable in. And I liked how I looked. But that's not what I thought was beautiful. I thought other girls were beautiful, but that's not what I was comfortable wearing. And to my credit - things change, I've changed, and I started wearing more form-fitting and girly clothes. I've switched pale pink for bright red. I think it's beautiful. But there are still things that I think are beautiful but wouldn't wear. So that's why I appreciate other girls."

And this really has made everything worse for Gohan. Like this hasn't helped at all. At first it was just the one girl in middle school. Now it's seeming like she liked more girls and many girls and in fact Never Stopped Looking At Girls.

And he keeps trying to get her to say what he wants her to say, but she keeps throwing his attempts.

He's like "......Okay, back to those crushes that you said you had in high school. You said there were some boys. Tell me about that. I only ever met Sharpener and Erasa, none of your other friends."

"Oh, those two.... yeah, no, I never liked Sharpener, if that's what you're worried about. Those two just weren't my type."

"....Those two?!"

Like this is spiraling fast.

She keeps saying that it's not a big deal but then says something about a woman in the most poetically bloody yuri way. She's like "It wasn't a big deal Gohan it was just a moonlight dream that I shared with a smooth-legged girl as we touched hands and she told me that she had to go catch her train and I told her that my heart had never strayed form my hometown but it just might tonight as long as she catches that train. And we saw the peaceful death of the universe in each other's eyes but it's not like I ever thought about her again even though I can remember in perfect detail the way her hair befell her shoulders as she caved in to sadness. Calm down it was a long time ago."

And Gohan is like. WHAT ?

Gohan has never had any thoughts on homosexuality before but now he's having to think about it. And what he's thinking is that he has cursed his wife to a life of never kissing a woman because he married her and she is obligated to only him now. And he had no idea that she felt this way and she's acting like it's not a big deal. And she doesnt think that this is gay at all btw. Maybe it's not. Maybe it is. But she doesnt think it is.

And now he can't fucking sleep and he doesnt know what to do and he was getting comfortable with opening up to sexual feelings in a deeper way with her but now Homosexuality has been thrown into the mix and he truly doesnt know what to make of it. And at some point he prods her awake and she's like "what" and he says "What should I do? Should I put on a shiny red sequin dress? Would-would that make you happy?"

And Videl wakes up more fully and is like. "What? I never said anything about a shiny red sequin dress? Where did you get that from?"

And he says "It just seems like something that you'd find beautiful. I don't know. Is that what you want? Should it be a blood red or a fiery red?"

They don't acquire such a dress btw but the next day he does dress in an apricot shirt + wine red pants + magenta tie combo becasue he is being mindful of her tastes. And she muses "I don't think that you've ever worn that tie and shirt together" and he says that he hasn't because the shirt is more orange and the tie is more cold and he doesnt think that they match well.

Okay that's my post. Now is a good time to say that I have a lot of other things that I should be doing but I've wasted my day on this because I thought that if I got it out of my head then I'd be more productive. But it's been literal hours. Like literally all day. I don't even get it. Hit like if you get it

It's just that well simply put Gohan didnt have any time to himself ever. There was always bullshit happening. Then Goku died and Goten was born and Gohan had to keep his mother from falling apart and his baby brother healthy and happy. And it's rewarding work. But yknow

When he wasn't tending to the baby or helping with other domestic chores, he was in his room studying. It's nice to learn about the world he fought so hard to save. It's also nice to not have to have a relationship with his body (as with fighting) so that it's easier to dissociate from all the bullshit. Academia was a lifeline out. It was also a definitive "good" thing to be doing. It was also an escape. And also a source of the stress that he's so accustomed to. And yknow. Maybe the letters started to dance on the page after a while. A life unlived will find life in other places. Maybe the historical figures were his friends. Maybe he memorized chemicals like one would memorize constellations. Maybe different mathematical functions began to represent and facilitate different experiences of emotion. You know how it is

I mean maybe not. Maybe he got out enough and was present enough to not dip into that. If his time alone was really that needed, then I imagine that he would get angry if interrupted; but I don't imagine that he snapped often when his mother called him to attention or when his brother needed something from him. I think that he finds fulfillment and peace in his family and he wants to be there with them. But I think that he also finds habits of repression or self-denial.

I'm not saying that he represses all of his anger, because he doesn't. What he does repress is infinite amounts of survival rage. What he doesn't repress - and what seems like he's not even aware of when he expresses it - is sharp annoyance. A mild example would be when he snapped at Goten for bothering him during his training, which was super funny. A more poignant example is Every Time Somebody Insults his Great Saiyaman Persona somehow. First he was interjecting into his classmates' (strangers!) conversation to correct their misnaming of the new hero, and he didn't seem to notice how rude his tone was or how surprised his classmates were. Then later he stopped two reckless drivers, and they made fun of his goofy persona, and Gohan (without resistance) just threw a petulant fit - and he did not seem to notice how he was Destroying The Road by stamping his foot.

My favorite example was when Krillin told him he looked dumb. I should probably get screenshots. Gohan's Eyebrows Twitched and Reared like Rattlesnakes. And his passive aggression was enough to constituent manslaughter. Masked behind saccharine positivity. It was a vile display. What do YOU know about Fashion, Quiverin..! (<- What we sometimes call Krillin in my house becasue he's always cringing and quivering and being fearful lol.)

OK I didn't get screenshots but I have this timestamped video from the youtube.

And it makes sense that Gohan is super defensive about The Great Saiyaman. It's the first thing that he's gotten to do/be that was up to him.

I understand that Bulma designed the original get-up, but it was still collaborative; it's not like when Chichi dresses him in what she can afford to buy or make, or when Piccolo dresses him in what he himself likes to wear. And Gohan picked the name. He picked the poses. He picked the voice. He picked the personality. He picked the role.

You know that Oscar Wilde quote that goes something like "give a man a mask and he will tell you the truth"? Yeah. There's madness behind that mask.

It's also a very significant time for him because he's for the first time having the opportunity to associate with peers in a consistent way. And he wants so bad to be "normal" and that's also why the mask is so integral and alluring. And he wants to be a normal bloke and make normal friends, but at the same time, he's out of practice without really realizing it; he hasn't come to terms with how in order to make friends, you have to put yourself out there. He thinks that he can simply make friends while hiding himself and lying about everything. And when Videl starts trying to figure out who he is and pry the mask off, it's a horrifying inconvenience. And Gohan just isn't in the habit of receiving well others' companionship, having lived isolated for so long; when Videl makes him teach her how to fly, he's nice to her, but you can tell that he just wants her to leave.

Her insistence on drilling into him is why they become friends and eventually marry, though.

He seems like an optimistic fellow, and his appreciate for life must be sincere, as his history necessitates it - if life sucked, all of that would have been for nought. But remember, for a good seven years it was just him, his mother, and the new baby. No drama or adventure to bring him out into the world. No friends his age that he could connect and evolve with. Just him up there on Mt Paozu stagnating.

There was definitely a lot of goodness and happiness and stargazing and lovely dinners and hanging out with dinosaurs. But there was also a lot of boredom and avoidance and why-is-the-baby-crying and mom-please-put-the-wooden-spoon-down and mom-please-stop-crying and can-i-have-the-time-to-study-unbothered-please and an undercurrent of feeling bogged down that really isn't apparent until you get out and get moving.

Gohan never says this outloud or thinks this definitively, but it's a natural truth, like the wood that a house is made of - he is going to do everything he can to be a good brother and to protect his baby brother. And it's a given, too, that he'll do everything it takes to keep his mother sane and happy, because everybody else shies away from her, and it's SORT OF Gohan's fault that Goku had died, and he very much wants to give back for all of the nurturing that his mother has given him.

And when you want to be a force of Good that badly, it completely turns you away from the parts of you that may be Bad, and encourages you to be afraid of certain feelings or needs.

When Gohan snaps at people out of irritability or defensiveness, it really seems like he doesn't know that he's doing it, and it comes out in the way that a hurt child may just act out. Everything else that is ugly about him just gets buried deep. And that makes him a weirdo. That's what it seems like anyway

[oneprompt]

HELLO AGAIN I HAVE CAME FOR ANOTHER REQUEST! >:D

Ok so I was thinking on how the Straw hats would react if their newest crew member was dealing with an a parent that was verbally or physically abusive and something accidentally triggered them or Y/N finally tells them about their past since everyone else shared theirs. I don’t really see much of fanfics of the strawhats comforting Y/N due to a traumatic event like this but I dunno I just thought it might be comforting for those who’re dealing with an abusive parent like myself

authors note : im so sorry you have to deal with such treatment .. just know that lots of people love you , and you don't need the approval of bad people , regardless of who they are to you. please stay strong my darling <3

ps , these are very self indulgent , as i grew up in a similar fashion .. soo , the reader is a bit bias to my reactions ;; my apologies.

CW : MENTIONS OF ABUSE. do not read if this is triggering

Luffy x Gn! Reader : Opening up about Abuser

- The moment you first tell Luffy, he blows up. He wants nothing more then to beat them senseless, to ask why they would treat their child in such a way. Luffy knows first hand how lovely you are, how earnest your heart is. Why in the world would anyone do such a bad thing to you? You're his crewmate, his nakama. Regardless of the tie to you have with your parents, the share of blood will never cure his hatred.

- Once Luffy takes time to actually process everything, noticing the itching fear molding your features, he holds his tongue. Luffy rarely filters his speech, making it very apparent that he was getting serious. He never felt the need to act maturely, unless it truly was a huge deal. And your safety was his number one priority. He may not be the best with words, or at comforting people but he does his best. Truly. 

- With a frown, Luffy shoves his straw hat onto your head, staring directly into your puffy eyes, your cheeks stained with your tears. With an abrupt swing of arms, Luffy captures your trembling form in an embrace. It’s still tight like always, but more tender then enthusiastic. For once, Luffy is dead silent. You can’t help yourself, feeling more sobs break free from the prison of your throat, cries filling the space around you both. 

- Luffy makes sure to praise you lots, after you opened up about such a private matter to him. He knows how awful you must’ve felt, all those years. Insult after injury.. That’s all your life was before this crew, wasn’t it? In case you’re ever doubting your self worth, or the things you have to offer others, Luffy is quick to clear those doubts from your admirable mind! He isn’t super wordy, so you can’t expect such an open display of affection but it’s love alright. Just- in Luffy’s weak vocabulary. It means so much to you, knowing you’re so cherished by another being. Especially the one who unknowingly saved you from that living hell, 

- Luffy is quite impulsive, not processing his actions or words before acting upon them. But he’ll notice if anything he does upsets you. Whether it’s a jumble of words or a loud noise, he can recognize that terrified gleam in your eyes. As soon as Luffy does notice, he’s right at your side, ready to give you a big, stretchy hug. He doesn’t mean to be so ignorant to you and your feelings, and he’s trying to get better with that... Truly. 

- Even though Luffy is a blabbermouth, he knows when and what to keep under wraps. He won’t even mention anything about what you told him to any of the other Straw Hats. Trauma is a thing you tell people in your own time, not something you have others talk over. Luffy knows that much. 

Zoro x Gn! Reader : Opening up About Abuser

- Much like Luffy, Zoro’s first thoughts are wrathful. He wants nothing more then to punish them for hurting you, testing his highest strength sword moves on them. Yet, he doesn’t verbalize them. He has half a mind to know not to say anything. He knows showing off such a rage filled face might mirror your parents, making you feel untrustworthy of Zoro, perhaps full of regret that you told him such a thing. 

- Zoro sighs, shaking his head as he pulls you close to him, allowing you to bury your face into his chest. He just holds you, cuddling you within the warmth of his bed. Slowly but surely, Zoro rocks you to sleep. He could tell how much energy that took from you, how much courage was needed. Zoro could tell how badly you needed to rest. And he wanted nothing more then to be there for you while you did, making sure he was there to ease your mind if you woke up, panicked by a night terror. 

- After you told him about your trauma, and how it haunts your mind to the point you often cannot sleep, Zoro began to sleep with you every night. He’d be there to calm you down, helping you either go to sleep or return. He knows how important sleep is, and he’s gonna make sure you keep yourself healthy. 

- Very cautious around you, when it comes to things that could trigger you. Whether it be loud noises, aggravated screaming, he tones it down, And Zoro is sure to keep the other boys in check, not wanting any of those numbskulls to upset you so drastically. He just... refuses to let those memories plague your mind, at least to such a panicky degree. 

- Zoro is 10x more protective of you now. Not that he finds you weak, no. You’re quite the opposite, being capable of enduring all that cruelty for years... you were the strongest person Zoro knew. He just doesn’t ever want you put in such a position again, for obvious reasons. You don’t deserve to be hurt, and you never did. Zoro would rather die then let you suffer again. He’s more then willing to put his life on the line for your sake. 

- Zoro loves drinking, but he avoids bringing it out when its just you two. He knows that alcohol isn’t all fun and games, especially for somebody with a traumatized psyche. He doesn’t want you developing an unhealthy coping mechanism with it. So, Zoro is sure to hide his sake beneath his bed everytime you come to sleep in his room. Even if you lack interest in drinking, it’s just an extra step of precaution. 

Nami x Gn! Reader : Opening up About Abuser

- Nami feels on the verge of tears when you finally tell her the meat and bones of your past. She wants to act mature and give you words of wisdom but she merely can’t, letting out silent cries as she glanced at you. You were so sweet and loving... what could you have ever done to earn such terrible parents? You two cry in silence together, trading glimpses of the other. 

- Once Nami finally gets ahold of herself, she leans forward, enveloping your flushed cheeks in her tear soaked palms. She murmurs to you in between hiccups, going on and on about how none of your trauma was your fault, about how proud she was of you for still being here. Nami knows how hopeless it is to be enduring that type of torture, especially for such an extended amount of time. Knowing you’re the radiant being you are now, even after all of that... she’s so happy! 

- Nami is much more patient with you, in comparison to the more high strung Straw Hats. She’s a good comforter, offering any support she can to her nakama. Once Nami notices that hollow look reflect from your gaze, she’ll urge you to her side to cuddle her. With your head in Nami’s lap, her hand combing through your hair, she’s sure to remind you of how loved you are. 

- If Nami ever catches you degrading yourself for the scars you got from your abuse, Nami will show you her own. Even if her tattoo hides the side of brutal stab wounds from when she was with Arlong, she knows they’re apparent enough to ease your mind, to make you feel less alone. Embrace them, as they’re a sign of strength. That’s what Nami says. 

- Nami knows how important alone time is when dealing with trauma. She makes sure to give you your personal space. If you’re cooling off from a breakdown, she’ll let you haul yourself up in her room for a few hours. And thankfully not even Luffy will come to bother you, as he’s too afraid of Nami’s punches. 

- She loves kids, and she always tells you how great of a parent you would be. Just because you were raised in chaos, doesn’t mean you’ll be like your parents. Nami knows you, she knows your nature. And she knows you’d be the upmost best parent, keeping your babies safe. Your trauma doesn’t define you or how you’ll treat people. 

Usopp x Gn! Reader : Opening up About Abuser

- Usopp may not be a fighter, but he is a mediator. With a hold of your hand, Usopp asks you about everything. No overly pushy questions or ones that’ll upset you, he just wants to know if he needs to adjust certain behavior around you or set new boundaries. You and your comfort are his number one priority. He love that smile of yours and he wants to keep seeing it, just like  he has been for the few months or so. He never wants the bright and amazing Y/n to lose their flare, all for the sake of your disgusting parents. 

- He means well, even if his words of comfort can fall flat. Usopp shows off physical affection during this, but not as much as the  romance dawn trio. He’ll occasionally stroke your head or caress your hands, just little things to put your quivering body at ease. Although, if you flinch at the move of his hand, he’ll stop immediately. As i said, your comfort is Usopp’s number one priority, and nothing will ever alter that. 

- Knowing you trust an infamous liar like Usopp makes him soso happy. He isn’t used to being a persons comfort or someone they rely on for support. it means a lot to be trusted, especially by somebody he loves so much. 

- From then, Usopp holds your hand a lot now. It’s a helpful aid to you, being able to cling to your best friend, somebody you trusted so much. You had nothing to be afraid of. Being able to just make contact with another person without the fear of stinging or aching afterwards may seem like a birth right but to you, it felt like a treasure itself. Usopp was your sanctuary, whether he knew so or not. 

- Usopp makes you all sorts of helpful things! His first gift to you was a pair of noise counseling earmuffs, made to avoid audio caused meltdowns. You had a ton of issues with dealing with loud noises, a thing you had admitted to Usopp. The first gift wasn’t the last, as he continued to make you gifts to help you with your PTSD. Whether it was practical things or just comforting things like stuffed toys, he wanted to do the best he could to make you feel better. 

- Usopp shares a dream journal with you! Not that it directly helps you, but monitoring and focusing on things can help freeze out the problem in a healthy manner. You both document your dreams, the patterns, the similarities, all of that jazz. Its a cute thing for friends to do together, and you really do appreciate the lengths Usopp goes to in order to comfort and distract you from your pain. 

Sanji x Gn! Reader : Opening up About Abuser

- Sanji is so understanding, due to sharing a similar upbringing. He puts an arm around you, letting you lean into his side. Like Luffy, Sanji knows when to drop his comedic behavior. He doesn’t chant any overly formally honorifics at you as you snuggle into him, nor does he let any blood leak from his nose. Sanji just lets you melt into him, humming to you softy, doing his best to calm you down.

- He’ll tuck you into your bed, once you’ve relaxed. Sanji offers you the kindest smile, finally saying a singular string of words. “I’m proud of you, Y/n-san.” Not a lick of his words are ingenuine, Sanji is deeply proud of you. He knows the despair you fall into, being treated so brutally by the ones who are meant to love and cherish you. He’s proud you’re here, that you never gave up on yourself. 

- Sanji will serve you your personal comfort food and beverages, whenever he notes that you look upset. He’ll hand them to you, a heartfelt letter resting on the tray. Its never anything perverted, just a lengthy letter of praise and sincerity. All those letters mean the entire world to you..

- He’s more careful when cooking now, making sure to not accidentally break a porcelain dish, knowing how much that sound may upset you. Sanji becomes much more aware, more cautious. Especially when you’re directly in the kitchen with him, he’d hate to remind you of your wretched parents. 

- Sanji will take you out for fun little things, whenever you’re all docked at an island. He’ll take you shopping with him, pampering you with whatever you desire. Clothing, lotion for sunbathing, cute little knick knacks, he’ll buy you whatever you want. Retail therapy..!! 

- Sanji tucks you in every night, when you two are done spending. He loves asking you how you enjoyed it, because of the smile you give him. Its large, oozing with pure joy. He’d- he will do anything to protect your smile. 

Nico Robin x Gn! Reader : Opening up About Abuser

- Robin can’t help but frown. She heaves a sigh, reaching to pet your hair. She isn’t the most open person, she never has been. So, Robin hasn’t ever had anyone come to her about something like this. She isn’t good at comforting, honestly. But, she’ll do the best she can. “You can cry, Y/n. I know how much you want to.” Robin now has your head held to her shoulder, letting your tears nurse themselves into her blouses fabric. “Thank you for trusting me...” She murmurs, full on hugging you at this point. 

- Robin hasn’t had somebody trust her with such information. It- it felt nice to be trusted, to be viewed as an earnest friend. She can’t help but smile ever so slightly, cradling you in her arms. You really did trust and love her, didn’t you? 

- She’s very motherly to you from there on out, almost the way she is with Chopper. Robin will let you hold her hand, lay on her lap or chest, anything. Her maternal instincts want nothing more then to make you feel loved, something your true mother could never do. Robin never had a mother, but she does her best to do what a true mother does for her babies. 

- At night time, Robin will come into your room to read a book to you. She knows you struggle with insomnia because of your trauma. So, Robin does her best to fix up your sleeping patterns. She’ll read you her favorite books, making her voice as soft as she can. Once she notices you asleep, she’ll give you a light kiss on your forehead before taking her leave. 

- Robin can read you easily, knowing exactly what body language you use when experiencing specific emotions. If she notices you’re upset, Robin will offer you to build a puzzle with her, or listen to her read her newest book. With those distractions, she’ll give you all sorts of love. Verbal, physical, every form. She wants to preserve your pure heart and your joy, helping build that further every time she shows you her love.  

- Robin is the most protective of you out of the Straw Hats. If you two are in a battle with anyone, and multiple of them rush to target you, she’’ll make sure to break them. She’s as fierce as a mother bear, not letting any disgusting people near her child. She’ll make sure to give them a painful punishment for messing with you... 

Franky x Gn! Reader : Opening up About Abuser

- Franky tears up under his sunglasses, each drop escaping and dribbling down his face. He rests his large hand on your head, caressing you with an unfamiliar softness. Franky may not have grown up with his parents but he knows that such treatment against their young is not okay. His heart aches for you, for the childhood you lost.

- He’s furious at this newfound info but he cant express that, as Franky’s rage succumbs to his wavering heart. Franky is full of anger and sadness, pity for you. You poor thing... You manage to smile every day and be so sweet to everybody around you, how do you do it? How are you not...mad? You’re one tough cookie, even if you’re just a kid compared to him.

- Like Robin, Franky’s dad switch is activated. He’s used to protecting and taking care of people, and that’ll extended to you. He won’t smother you but he’s so lovey to you! Franky wants to protect your happiness, letting you flourish. Regardless of what happened in your past, that doesn’t define you. You didn’t deserve it, it didn’t ‘ruin’ you. You’re suuuuper! You grew into such an amazing person, Franky knows that. He won’t ever let you utter a single negative thing about yourself.

- Franky always surprises you with gifts! More so, personally made ones. He’ll make you a cute little music box, something that can act as a sleep aid for you. Something so dainty is out of his normal craft but for you, he’ll push himself to do anything! You’re his ki- friend! You’re his pal.

- He always welcomes you to come goof off with him, Usopp and Chopper! If that is your forte, they’re all sure to keep you laughing, launching endless jokes and absurdities your way. Franky knows that laughter is one of the best medicines! And he’s much better at that sort of comfort then the sophisticated kind... Whether it’s as simple as him doing silly poses, telling you greatly dramatized stories, he’ll do whatever shameless thing it takes to hear that angelic noise. He tries his best to keep you happy.

- Franky often writes letters to Iceburg, even if his handwriting is illegible. He’ll go on and on about his journeys, his new weapons, anything and everything under the sun. But nowadays, he’ll sneak in a mention of you. Going on and on about how much you remind him of his carefree youth, the way you make him feel at home in the same manner Tom and Iceburg did. You may think Franky is helping you with your mental health the most out of you two, but thats not to say you haven’t been helping the cyborg. You really do remind him of simpler times. Those beaming summer days in Waters 7, frolicking with Iceburg in the junkyard... In a way, you make him feel even more connected to those memories, holding an unexplainable nostalgic glow.

Brook x Gn! Reader : Opening up About Abuser

- Brook places a boney hand over yours, looking down at you. He’s never seen you this way. You look like you’re in so much pain, it hurts his heart. He repeats words of affirmation to you, his voice delicate and quiet. Brook repeats over and over how glad he is to have met you, how lucky the Straw Hats are to have you in their crew. Your parents seemed to have distorted your self image for years on end, almost brainwashing you into thinking you were this horrid person. Brook may not be able to erase such work over night, but he’ll do whatever it takes.

- He lightly squeezes your hand, staring directly at you. “We’re your family now, okay?” With that being uttered, you fall apart right then and there. You can no longer hold back your loud sobs, desperation filling your tone. You hold onto the skeleton tightly, gurgling out thank you’s after thank you’s.

- You and Brook grew much closer afterwards, having you spend a hefty amount of your time with him. Your presence meant so much to Brook, the same way his meant to you. Brook had grown accustomed to being in his lonesomeness, not having a single soul to be with. But now, things were much different. You were his most beloved friend, a person who shared a mutual love for him.

- Brook often composed songs for you, ones that would make you smile or even weep with joy. He put his heart and soul into your songs, putting care into every note. He knew they served as both a comfort to you, and he knew the stroke of the piano keys could calm you down after a night terror. Each song was strategically crafted, containing notes that could lull you to sleep, your favourite instruments bellowing in the back.

- Brook is always there to help comfort you whenever you have a meltdown. He’ll usher you comforting words or warm touches. After you’ve calmed down, he’ll return with your favorite flavor of tea, maybe with some macarons on the side... Whatever snacks you may fancy.

- Brook often ends your days together by tucking you into bed, pulling the warm and cozy sheets over your form. You may be an adult, but to Brook, he believes anyone can be tucked in, regardless of age. It’s a kind and endearing thing, something you deserve. Once he’s gotten you comfortable, he’ll give you time to decompress and sleep. You deserve to relax once in awhile, turning off all your negative thoughts. 

Jinbei x Gn! Reader : Opening up About Abuser

- The moment your words force themselves out of your mouth, Jinbei already has you in his lap, arms wrapped around you. It’s a comforting embrace, holding a sense of security. He’s quiet, leaving you to only listen to his lingering breaths, Jinbei doesn’t push for details, letting you ride out your emotions with him. Even as your tears sink into his yukata, beginning to soak the fabric, he never pushes you away. 

- Jinbei is the most composed out of the crew, not displaying too much heavy emotion. A small frown just rests on his face as he rubs circles on your convulsing back. He avoids showing how upset he truly is, not wanting you to feel any need to comfort for him. You’re the one that deserves all the comfort right now. You’re who needs attention. 

- Jinbei lets you come into his sleeping quarters whenever you need. Whether you’re upset, happy, mellow, you’re always allowed in. He’ll let you sleep in his bed if you need. He knows how touch starved you are and how much you crave validation, and he’s more then happy to deliver. Jinbei will cuddle you, showing you his care for you in the simplest of ways. He may not directly express his love, but he makes sure that you know how much he cares about you. 

- If you come to his room upset, Jinbei won’t force you to talk about whatever upset you but the offer always stands. He knows he isn’t the greatest at this, especially out of the Straw Hats but as i said, Jinbei does whatever he can. If it regards your parents, you’re immediately met with a hug. He wants to fill that void for you to the best of his abilities. 

- You give Jinbei a sense of meaning for the first time in awhile, making him feel valued for more then his strength. You and the Straw Hats both made him feel that way. You all helped him feel loved, but you did the most. The way you trusted him so deeply, enough to confide in him for the most heart wrenching things... Jinbei was grateful for that, to have your trust. And you had his, 100%. Jinbei would trust you with his life. 

- You remind him of Koala, in a sense. Is it just his fatherly front that connects you two? Is it the fact you manage to brim with optimism, even after everything that’s been done to you? He’s not very sure. But all Jinbei knows for sure is how much Fisher Tiger would love you, if only he were still alive. He often dreams of that, of how you, him and Fisher Tiger could be a happy family. Maybe in another life. 

[randomjreader]

YOUNG ROYALS SEASON 2 SPOILERS AHEAD, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

Here we go, part 2 of my mess of thoughts while watching young royals

Hot take: Simon and Marcus aren't that bad tgt, but Simon's heart isn't entirely into it so it's never going to work out. I just hope Simon is direct with him now before shit goes down with Wille again

SIMON THROWING THE DODGEBALL AT WILLE 😭 that was personal 💀

Ahhh I get why Simon is mad, but Wille does have more to consider when it comes to big decisions 😭 I feel so bad for him

YES YES YES FELICE AND WILLE MAKING UP, WILLE APOLOGISING FOR KISSING HER LIKE THAT, FELICE BEING SO UNDERSTANDING AHHHHH I LOVE THEM

No honestly? Any doubt I had abt Felice back in season one? Squashed, killed, crushed underneath the sole of my foot. Absolute top tier character I love her to bits

"it hurts so much. I feel like I'm gonna die" STOP PLS MY POOR WILLE JUST SHATTERING MY HEART WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER

THE LOVE LETTER TO FREDRIKA, IT HAS TO BE FROM STELLA RIGHT? SHES LOOKING AT HER LIKE THAT THERE'S NO WAY IT'S NOT FROM STELLA

WILLE IN TEARS WHILE PUTTING ON HIS MAKEUP PLS 😭😭 SOMEONE PROTECT HIM PLS STOP HURTING HIM

MORE FREDRIKA AND STELLA MOMENTS IM CALLING IT RN THEY'RE A THING

Ok, not them making me feel bad for August??? He set up a whole romantic thing for Sara and she bails? Yikes

Marcus showing up for Simon? Aww

But Simon not telling him the names of his fishes bcs they remind him of Wille :(

I FUCKING KNEW IT, STELLA AND FREDRIKA AHHHHHHHH I AM HERE FOR IT 🏳️‍🌈

FUCK YES THEY FINALLY KISSED!!! BUT SIMON IS STILL WITH MARCUS?? ITS MORE COMPLICATED NOW 😭 Lowkey feeling bad for Marcus man he does seem to like Simon a lot

Simon singing to Wille 😭 y'all I'm in my feels rn

WILLE WAS SO HAPPY AFTER THE KISS AWWW <3

NOOO SIMON CALLED THE KISS A MISTAKE

OK, ITS HAPPENING, WILLE TOLD SIMON THAT AUGUST POSTED THE VIDEO

Ughh this whole music room fight, I hate that I understand both sides and it's just a whole djoajdkskfkwjdjxn

Wille going to Simon's house to talk to him 😭 AND IMPLYING THAT HE'D ABDICATE FOR HIM

That phone call, August was tryna buy Rosseaou for Sara right? That's kinda sweet actually

WILLE THROWING UP AHHHH

THEY CLOSED THE CURTAINS, I REPEAT, THEY CLOSED THE CURTAINS

Okok, I rlly do feel bad for Marcus. I mean, he was harsh and Simon is not wrong in saying he did tell him that he didn't want anyth serious, but I do understand his anger and it makes me feel bad for him, bcs I do think he did like Simon a lot

OK, ANYTH I SAID ABOUT FEELING BAD FOR AUGUST? KILLED, CRUSHED, COMPLETELY DEAD. HOW FUCKING DARE HE

Ok, it doesn't erase that I did feel bad for him when he went thru shit but my rage at him for blackmailing Wille is overpowering any sympathy I feel for the guy

Also ALEXANDER??? BABES I WAS ROOTING FOR U I WAS SO EXCITED WHEN U CAME BACK HOW DARE U BETRAY ME LIKE THIS

OH MY FUCKING GOD, THE ENTIRE FUCKING GUN SCENE WAS SO INTENSE, I ACTUALLY JUMPED

I WATCHED THAT SCENE TWICE IN SWEDISH THEN ONCE IN ENGLISH BCS I JUST NEEDED TO HEAR EDVIN PORTRAY WILLE'S RAGE

Thereeeee goes Felice and Sara's frnship, it was fun while it lasted 😔

YES YES YES YES YES THEY'RE BACK TOGETHER

STOPP NOT THE I LOVE YOU FROM SIMON THEY'RE TRYNA MAKE ME CRY FR I LOVE MY BOYS SO MUCH

Sara?? Telling the police?? Oh god ok good for her for trying to do the right thing but there's still the drug thing and I think it'll backfire...

HE TOLD THE WORLD, THIS IS NOT A DRILL, WILHELM TOLD THE WORLD THAT IT WAS HIM IN THE VIDEO WITH SIMON

The look in the camera 😭 we ended season one with a completely stoic expression and now we have a small smile I LOVEE

Well. That was a giant emotional rollercoaster. I'm gonna need about 3-5 business days to process everything now.