#i have mold in my brain. i know. i know
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10th doctor will always be so important to me bc of how he is characterized as too alien to be truly human but too human to live with his years and years of existence as an alien . if anyone cares
#can you outrun the violence? can you heal and find peace? and the answer is no. But also yes‚ eventually#nobody will ever do it like him#dr who#tenth doctor#he's also so aroace it's unreal. if there was a single nuwho doctor id die on the aroace hill itd be him#i have mold in my brain. i know. i know#10 era
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hi.
#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone#but man…#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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n*loth not being able to bag anyone over the (human term) age of 25-30 at most is the only logical and real conclusion to me because it can be just explained away as him wanting to prove and control everything and anyone (Cus he's a man!) but being stuck in that demographic because his unbearable and vile personality is a force that nobody can look past once they've outgrown the possible fear and idolization period of anyone but also n*loth in particular.
#text#i think even younger ones that possess the same nasty traits can be slammed back 'In their place' (in his mind) by him just bc his -#- abilities and power alone (alt. name the factors that make him 'Cool') that dumbs them down insanely in comparison#maybe by this i mean like; ild*ri. despite the animosity she could still feel very foolish and is conscious of her wuss-ness#if that makes sense#cause no matter the disrespect anyone might have for an older capable person the reality is still reality#tbh i just think he doesn't like to sweat it much and still aims for the younger ones bc it's easier than it would be for someone that's -#- 30+ years old#and once he's proven his point he doesn't find any merit in sticking with older ones cause their interests or anything they offer -#- don't matter to or interest Him personally#i think an older demographic is just more boring to him and he would rather spend his time being metaphorically sucked off for his greats -#- by someone that already finds themselves 'lesser' than him and always will for a long time#than someone that is defiant of that fact#basically the more power imbalance the better#in his mind there will always be one unless he certainly knows someone is his equal (or better than him) but he likes the add-on of an -#- age difference too#keeps it in a safe zone with less problems for him#sorry for spitting again my brain just started machine-gunning thoughts for no reason#also i said before that he's an innocence fan. might not be a total puritan but there's something there#it's kinda like him not wanting to be with a dusty ''OLD'' person that's seen a lot anyway#i'm like barely able to hold myself back from opening my mouth to mention t*lvas where i'm making a point about n*loth's brain where he -#- isn't even needed to prove it#but like#him voicing dislike of n*loth general nauseating character and actions but still sucking up to him while n*loth can probably feel -#- that dislike anyway is cute to me i like to view it as an object being thrown into the wall over and over#where n*loth is proving his own worth to other people by drilling their brains out with proof. not that he needs to#but he would like that to be perfected a 100%#and t*lvas is capable of being molded into that state ....... probably#silusvesuisuis you didnot just confess to wanting to see t*lvas be slammed into a wall you fucked up demented beast you're sick#actually can't believe i forgot to mention this but he's literally so immature idk what he has anything in common with actual mature people
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Understandably So no one mentions charles when talking about the Logan movie and again Understandably So This Aint Bout Him however i do confess that as someone who had never seen Logan until like. a month ago when i was binging all the movies and without knowing a single thing about it aside from laura i cant lie i was in fact jumpscared by him being there. especially for at least like 3/4s of the movie
#xmen#logan movie#snap chats#i be ramblin today hello ...#it was a pleasant jumpscare. yk until he died. after realizing he committed atrocities by accident 😭😭💀 OLD MAN NOOO#but no please LIKE I READ THE DESCRIPTION WHEN GOING TO WATCH RIGHT#AND I WAS JUST THINKING 'oh he'll probably be here for like twenty minutes. wdym he's here for way longer than that'#i THINK years ago i REMEMBER seeing a screenshot of the hotel bit with laura and charles but again that was years ago#and i might be tricking myself maybe its a false memory jealvvelka either way i just know they were cute :(#point is he was here for. i cant even say So Little cause again He Was Here For An Hour And Thirty Minutes Out Of Two Hours#and lets be clear 'snap has your brain molded that much you know exactly how much screen time charles gets in the movies'#girl no not yet i only know exactly when he punches his clock cause i had to keep restarting the movie cause it kept pausing vjAELKAJE#and it just so happened to struggle literally like. ten minutes after he dies- like when logan was dealing with x24 THAT part#so rude for that.. anyway I Repeat i miss charles and laura bein cute :(#it wasnt a lot but it was just sweet.. i always like how charles always got that Professor in his soul with these movies#like in dofp when logan's losing it after. getting future ptsd jvALKVLAJ??K charles is there to ground him#despite being. Like That vjeaLKj like sir please ily. i will accept the Youre On Acid answer youre trying your best#and then with THIS movie evidently charles is having. the worst time upstairs#but he's still super sweet with laura like oh stop you grandpa im gonna throw up#and to STRESS. they were EVIL about that wholesome dinner bit like :((( oh to see the fam happy and safe again :(((#like im throwing up frankly. people were right this movie IS sad i underestimated their assessment 😭#to lighten the mood in my heart. charles really do be an old man in this movie hes such a menace to logan JELKAK#god. Most Normal X-Men Movie Watcher Focuses On Professor X During The Movie About Logan VEJLKJA#ok im done. sorry i just keep replayin that bit in my head where theyre in the car and logans just 'Did You Take Your Meds SHOW'#like pelase. jaeRLKEaj ok im gonna try drawing i looked at my wall long enough and i think i can draw something
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having the hc that minato is ace is incredibly funny sometimes when you think about how ryoji is oh so very bi because it's like. "ah. death stole my ability to be attracted to people," in the same way that ryoji stole minato's eye color and energy level. like wow, thanks ryoji, you just keep finding things to steal from minato!
#persona 3 spoilers#minato arisato#hc and au nonsense#lizzy speaks#happy international asexuality day to my fellow aces out there i hope you know that you are loved!!! 🎊🎉🥳#i like viewing minato with the lens of him being gay / ace. esp bc it stems from my own experiences so it's fun to look at-#him from that perspective even if that's not what was intended by atlus y'know?#and im sure others have other hcs from me that are informed by their own life experiences and i think that's great ^_^#something that i found interesting while playing FES was how. stilted? minato's animations felt when hugging the girls#you could definitely go with the perspective that it's a graphical limitation or they didn't have time to polish the animations#and that's def true!! but sometimes i see the hug @ yakushima beach + the other hugs and then i compare it to the sou/yo hug in p4#and there's like... a noticeable difference to me with how intimate and close together the hugs are...#that said i do know that the animations for reload are updated and the hugs are much more natural (good on them tbh!)#the other thing is (pensive sigh). the way you couldn't reject any of the girls when doing their social links in FES#objectively speaking i'm glad that they did away with that and i like how the rejections were handled in reload. it feels naturally written#but also a part of me enjoyed looking at the “hey atlus what the FUCK” moment and thought of how to interpret it differently#specifically with the idea of minato having like.. little to no autonomy and kind of going along with the relationship#it kind of reminded me of myself tbh with like going along with the rship without considering what you want bc#it's what others want or expect out of you... LOL. i dont think atlus intended for someone to interpret it this way but#eh i think that's the fun part of hcs and looking at characters with certain lenses!#regardless of how you perceive minato i do think there's something to be said about him being the kind of guy who molds himself-#into someone that is needed. not wanted. but needed. important distinction here.#the one caveat my brain runs into when im like “minato is ace!” is when i remember thanatos exists and i go#“you know what these ideas can exist simultaneously” GKLHFHDFHD when in doubt schrodinger's headcanons#anyway that's all i've had this thought in my brain in awhile and haven't sat down to share it properly until now 👍#have an excellent weekend everyone !!! lizzy loves you all lets all nurture our inner yippee!!! 🥺💙
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Hey if you’re still enjoying and engaging with Harry Potter in any capacity you can unfollow me 😊 please and thank you
Like. I get it. I was super into it as a kid too. I did not have the social context to pick up on the antisemitism or transphobia or sexism or fatphobia or bioessentialism or racism or anything else. I also picked up on surface-level language of Fighting Back Against Evil and ascribed my own values onto what that meant and thought we were all on the same page. I remember when the original kids who grew up with the books started becoming adult fans and picking up on the (blatant!) antisemitism and everybody was still mostly willing to give JKR the benefit of the doubt on it. (“She was writing kids books!” They said. “She didn’t know she was penning a global phenomenon! She picked a common literary trend in European fairy tales (antisemitic caricature) and didn’t examine it closely. It’s a mistake anyone could make,” we said. “She would probably do things differently now. After all, she word-of-god confirmed the vaguest hints she dropped that Dumbledore might be gay,” we said.) There was actually a span of several years where biases inherent in the actual real content of the Harry Potter series were coming to light and even the people pointing them out still seemed mostly to think it was an unfortunate accident.
That time has passed. Years ago! We are long past the first months of “maybe she doesn’t realize this seemingly-feminist tweet she liked was made by a noted TERF” and then “how could she not realize that these many veiled TERF-y things she’s retweeted have implications for the many queer fans of her work” and finally “oh wow okay JKR just dropped an entire transphobic manifesto on twitter. I guess the transphobia was the point.”
Yeah, there were a few months after that where people were still processing and still working through how they felt about Harry Potter and all of its flaws with the context of the now open transphobia of the creator. I was there for that. Remember how I was one of the kids who built it up into something noble and worthwhile based on my own beliefs about what messages it was probably trying to convey? Turns out it wasn’t trying to say any of those things, and when you take the time to examine all of the terrible shit that made its way into the text whether JKR intended it to be there or not, the whole series falls apart. It’s weird to discover that there’s a room in your house that’s rotten to the core, but eventually you figure out you can’t live like that, still going in there and holding your nose and pretending it’s still the same room you thought it was when the termites were only inside of the walls and hadn’t yet started chewing their way through the furniture. Because what’s going to happen is that they are going to infest the rest of your house. If you decide you can ignore transphobia and antisemitism and everything else just because you liked the color of the wallpaper, the rest of your principles are going to crumble too. You get rid of that fucking room. You put those books on a high shelf in the back of your closet behind other outgrown clothes and interests and you move the fuck on.
JKR uses the money made from her transphobic antisemitic children’s books to actively funding hate groups and to lobby for legislation that will and has actually affected the actual lives of trans people in an entire country. We are past the point of grieving something you were wrong about in childhood. Kids are wrong about a lot of stuff. You grow up and you learn new information and you change your behaviors based on it. You have to choose. It is transphobic to pretend there is not transphobia where there is. It is transphobic to support the work of someone who is using those funds to take rights from trans people with every fucking dollar. It is hateful to continue to engage positively with a story that at its very core is rooted in hate and bigotry and prejudice. You can choose to do all of those things but you cannot claim ignorance of them and you cannot choose those things and still pretend that choosing them upholds the values we convinced ourselves that Harry Potter stood for over a decade ago as uninformed children. You cannot choose to do those things and pretend to still support your trans and queer and Jewish neighbors. I do not want you in my neighborhood. Leave.
#mine#Harry potter cw#yeah I don’t want to see or think about this shit either and I’m sure most of my followers are on the same page of just like. let’s wipe it#from the public consciousness and do our best to just completely ignore it and forget it existed and in doing so take away JKRs platform and#influence and also stop the continued harm the series will do by propagated hateful biases in people who continue to read it#but despite heavily culling my feed over the course of the past several years and thankfully mostly not seeing HP fandom things anymore#I’ve been seeing a lot of responses today to people defending it and honestly I forget that there are still people out there doing that who#think they are just fine and normal fandom people with non-hateful and terrible interests and it makes me so angry#maybe more so because like. I was there too! I was annoyingly obsessed with Harry Potter from the ages of idk seven? up until whenever JKR#started being openly transphobic. I have so much fucking knowledge about this book series that will never leave my brain. and yeah it was#weird and hard to have to rethink things and realize that no actually it does feel bad and uncomfortable to continue to be a fan even#passively of these books. it was a big part of my childhood and several of my friendships. I fully get it. I was the weird kid also.#it was weird and hard to say oh actually this sucks and I don’t want to be a part of it anymore. but I did it! I got there! because it was#more important to care about real actual things and people than it is to fondly remember a book series for children.#and at the time it felt like maybe I did hang on a little longer than I could have and was a little later than some people and figuring out#my feelings and moving on from the whole thing. but it was still fucking years ago. and you’re still here?#because you like the color of the wallpaper in this shitty rotten broken down tacked on room? because we used to spend time there together?#buddy the room was giving us lead poisoning the whole time and the rest of us have accepted that and we are all outside doing other things.#you will find connection and community in so many places in your life. I promise. get the fuck out of that terrible awful room#and for gods sake stop bring out handfuls of mold you found under the floorboards and shoving it in our faces#nobody fucking wants this. we did it. we’re done.#so yeah I think I have an extra level of disdain because I know from personal experience that it’s not *that* fucking hard to care more#about real life trans people than about antisemitic children’s books.
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Ok FOR REAL Theory Time!!! Gonna be massive spoilers plus mention of bugs/fungus! So I'm calling this the Mold Theory And what is the Mold? It's the black stuff under Home! (Mold under a house is very suiting, right?) The Mold has contaminated Every single thing that the Restoration team has found! The team talks about the envelopes, the antiques, and the artwork found for Welcome Home and how it is alwasys Wet and covered in Grime. The stuff that is "Growing" all over the found items... Staff must wear gloves or they will get covered in it
You can see it all over the gloves, the Walls, and even the Website Itself! It's also been shown on the restored art prior to the update. But one unfortunate person seems to have touched it. and that is.. The Question Answerer! (The head person of the Restoration team is also most likely infected) Now what this Mold does is, It seems to have an effect of the person's mental state. Causing them to see and hear things, as well as having lucid nightmares and an overwhelming urge to draw spirals. From the very moment of contact, it seems to have effect "When I Unwrapped the first letter, I felt it. I heard it. Open Open Open. I want it out, I'm Going to get it Out" Instant Hallucinations and Obsession! Now I'm going to be Comparing this Mold to a Real fungus called Cordyceps, or the Zombie-Ant Fungus. It is a fungus that can control BUGS (familar themes right?) and take over their minds, forcing them to act unnaturally and wander far in order to spread itself! ~Similarily~ this Mold can take control of the Host's mind as well. The "Spores" that it is trying to spread are the drawings of the spirals/eyes. And the more eyes are Drawn, the more Wally can SEE. Wally has made it truly apparent that he can see us through any rendition of his eyes. "I've seen you every time you've looked into my eyes" "I have more eyes than I did before, you know how to draw eyes You draw mine, many times. I know it is thanks to you, Neighbor.. That I can see.. but it is still.. I can't see" He is giving us instructions.. "You have work to do" -Giving us instrustions on how to draw an eye... "Please Open, Let me In" Now I find this last instruction very funny He doesn't say "Let me Out" No... He says "Let me IN" Into What? What are we Opening? Our doors?Our EYES? our Mind? our Heart?? I think that could be exactly it!!! Letting him.... into You!!! (The collective You) Isn't that Funny? A Funny little thought?! The Puppet becoming the Puppeteer! ooh hee hee hoo hoo I think I'm very clever about that! But there are so many themes of Strings/Control/Scripts That I simply couldn't help myself! Now does that mean I think Wally is Evil? Absolutely NOT I LOVE Wally, and hey, what's a bit of mind control between Neighbors? <333 I'll borrow a cup of sugar and you can borrow my sanity! That's what Neighbors are for! <3 Jokes aside, No I Do NOT think Wally is Evil!! No, he might become a Puppeteer over the Real world... (and It might be for good reason, to save his friends and himself) but he is still very much a Puppet himself. Literally and Figuratively, And the Real Mastermind behind the strings is... Home!
Afterall? Isn't that where the Mold is coming from? From Down Below? Below Home?
This image gives me BIG TIME Obediance vibes Reporting/Worship/Subjugation I very much see Wally as the Lure of a very big Angler Fish.. The bait, the perfect little puppet that has captured our hearts and led us by the hand into Welcome Home. Isn't that very much how it has gone in real life? (Oh I KNOW I got the Mold BAD!!! ahahaha) (I can't stop drawing himmm!!! :3c ) But this is where my rambling stops, Until Next Time! I will just say that: The Relationship between Home and Wally (And by extension, YOU) Is a Strange one for sure! And I cant wait to see it further! And Just one more extra note on this whole Fungus thing.. Did you know that the BIGGEST Organism on the entire Earth.. Is a Mushroom? It is because they are connected through their Roots... (Down Below) and Houses kinda are shaped like musrooms... I will Leave it at That! Ahahahaha!
#im very very normal about all of this!#lyinggg#mold theory#welcome home#wally darling#welcome home theory#i know i can be a bit sparadic i hope this all makes sense!!#i can go a bit off the wall sometimes!!#its hard for me to articulate what i want to say sometimes!#i swear its so much more in my brain!!#also i am really bad at typing#im going to look for mistakes but im sorry if i typo!#jazzisaspazz#long text post#shout out to my sister for putting this into my brain#maybe i will have more thoughts later!#i do have a bunch of random things written down#maybe i will make an “observations” post?#will u guys be interested??#please feel free to send me asks and theories of your own!#feel free to add on or to correct me!!#i mean u can also send me art request ...;w;#or to randomly tell me about how you also enjoy cereal on ur hot dogs.. no? just me? ok#i have a really nice art coming tmrw that im so so proud of....#saving it for tmw... cause its my birthday tmrw!!!#a gift for me! to post something that im really really happy with!!#oof oog i talk a lot in the tags#i'm talking to myself really#if you made it this far... you get ... a gift..#its an apple! 🍎
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bribing ur friends so u dont get the boot amiright
#hi i made this in like an hour#fnaf sun#fnaf moon#fnaf comic#have a shitpost#i was introduced to the ai chats recently and the mold grew back over my brain so fast#not good because i have owed art to work on LMFAO#dtiys came a little late guys my bad#/JJJ#still dont know when thats coming but i at least think i have an idea for it now BWAHH#anyway peace out breadslice dawgs#comic#my art#my art: comics#my art: fnaf#my art: fnaf sb
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that thing jigen does where he puts the already lit cigarette directly between lupin's lips and that thing jigen does where he wraps his entire arms around lupin when they're on a bike and that thing jigen does where he puts his palm wide on lupin's chest to hold him back when there's danger ahead and that thing jigen does where he grabs onto lupin's shoulders when he's worried and that thing jig
#I'm going through it I'm having a moment!!!!#oh i got the jilu bug in my brain it won't get out it won't let me live#it's that time of the year again!!#nearly been a whole year since lupin zero i think it's time they give me more lupin to mold my soul around for a while#where the last koike movie at i know we're still missing one give it to me already!!!#pretty please
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this dialogue path im so 😭😭🤭🤭
#shri’iia going like you weren’t THAT good 🙄 as if she didn’t come multiple times bc he’s probably more attentive than her matriarch#like I imagine her matriarch being a very selfish lover and she always receives and never gives and shri’iia being so used to that#so when the act 1 forest sex scene comes and astarion performs as he does and he’s very giving and thorough and more focused on her own#pleasure than his shri’iia is like ?? brakes screeching noises in her brain she’s not used to this btw#not to mention she’s already drunk as fuck and trying so very hard to ignore the pain in her chest from oath breaking#so she gets even more confused and she just lets him do what he wants to do#cue the morning after .. ‘you weren’t THAT good’ whatever you’re just saving face 😭#anyway. I like this dialogue path too bc you get an insight on astarion’s pov where he says he was holding back and making his excuse#when he was probably dissociating / feeling disgusted at having to do his routine again#but then it’s all part of his plan so he gotta do it. also that’s what he knows how to do so he has to do it and liking it is a diff matter#but when he says the ‘how dare you’ like it feels more playful so I think that kind of dynamic where they clown on each other is what they#both like. I also think that in the second time they sleep together it’s a bit more playful bc they’re getting that kind of dynamic more#based on the flirting scenes you can get prior the second time he offers to sleep together again#but to me when they overtly flirt / or when they fuck is when the seeds of the romance are planted .. it only develops when they start to#hang out with each other lol. like this whole romance that’s built on deceit and using each other#gets developed bc they actually like being in each other’s company 😭😭 idk that’s so cute to me#and when they’re actually together it’s like. this slowburn where they’re not putting any labels on it#they just hang out with each other for the next couple of hundred years and occasionally get married#multiple times for the attention and gifts lol#actually have more thoughts abt astarion/shri’iia 😭 they’re infesting my mind like mold#shut up about bg3.#bg3 spoilers
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why is making an oc so hard
#I NEED HELP#i'm making the tf one oplita sparkling I dreamt about into an actual oc AND I'M STRUGGLINGGGGG#I literally got handed her on a silver platter by my brain YET I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THE SPARKLING just that the kiddo was like a princess o#iacon or some shit like that (pretty sure sparklings don't even eXIST IN TFONE VERSE???) and a very vague design#but fucking dream memory ig#I'M STRUGGLING ON THE NAME i have a few in mind but i just. idk 😭😭 one is Glau which I LOVEEEEEEE but the pronounciation is what's getting#me because technically is Glaux but I don't like the x 😕😕 but oh the history THE HISTORY AND CONNECTIONS WITH THE NAME 🤌🤌🤌 it's so good#it means owl and Glau(x) is the owl of athena. the goddess of strategic war 🥹 LIKE DOES THAT NOT FITT (also minerva's owl but obvs.minerva)#it's just the pronounciation because it should be pronounced with the x but it can also be said like faux#another is Rêvve because rêve is dream in french and also it sounds like rev as in revving an engine 🫡#but also I want to use like ærial SINCE ELITA ISN'T ARIELLLL AND IT'S SO PRETTY AND ETHEREALLLLL like ærie or æriel#and don't get me started on designing in my dream the child was literally so vague like I only know a colour and some type of helm mold#UGHHHHH#rant#i needed to rant#if you've read this far tysm please send help THIS IS A CRY
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sigh. you all know lamia is a kingdom hearts oc. you all know which kingdom hearts character i post about day in and day out. idk why i play coy about shipping an oc and a canon character as though thats any more cringe than the previous two things
#tis 1 am. im nursing what might be an arm injury. time to be earnest and strange#i mean part of it is how intensely sincere i am about it. its not just oh haha i think itd be fun if they kissed#i constructed lamias entire character around kissing the other guy.#my interpretations of and headcanons about the other guy have been shaped and molded by my desire to see him kiss lamia#(somewhat against my will--i have to make a concerted effort to return to canon often and adjust my idea of him accordingly)#the way i have developed both of them within my brain it is narratively necessary for them to kiss#ugh i dont know if i can even explain it. thats why i need to write this damn fic lmao#lamia#lamiaposting
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#dont call anyone im safe im fine im just venting. tw for suicide/self harm/kind of intense language. ideally no ones reading this tho#bro i cant keep living like this#i dread waking up every day so much that i dread even falling asleep#i got insomnia medication in my system and my brain is still like nope absolutely not#i cant keep up at my job even when i am rested enough#i get headaches every other day#my instant mental reaction in the face of stress is to hurt myself (i have not)#like fuck. i work for the disability department of an insurance company#i know for a fact that (probably) every contract stipulates we wont cover disabilities as a result of self inflicted injuries#which is supposed to prevent ppl from taking advantage of the system or whatever#and im always like if someone goes to the lengths of actively injuring themselves to the point of disability#in the name of 'getting out of work'#that person is not 'taking advantage of the system' THAT PERSON IS FUCKING MENTALLY ILL#AND I WOULD KNOW BC I AM ONE OF THOSE PPL#do not come for me on some shit about wanting to disable yourself being morally questionable i cant be concerned abt that rn#i gotta focus on the fact that i hate my life so much id rather break my own right hand than continue it#its an improvement from the active suicidal ideation but its still a symptom of the passive ideation#fucking hell. im too self aware so i absolutely feel like im faking it or making shit up so i can be lazy and not work and whatever#but FUCKING CHRIST theres no way. if i had a choice i wouldnt let myself feel like this.#i just got to a point where i can live alone and support myself. i was so happy and so proud of myself. I don't want to lose that#but god every phone call i have to make for work makes me want to hurt myself. every early morning (and there arent many!!! i mostly work#from home!!!) makes me wish i was dead. i have to sleep for hours after work more often than not. i cant really maintain my living space#theres fucking. mold and discoloration and shit on a bunch of my clothes and some of my bags and shit!!#cause i cant fucking keep my room clean and my basement apartment got fucking humid over the summer and so much moisture got trapped#i constantly have dirty dishes getting moldy before i get to them#i just dont have the fucking energy. i want to take better care of my space. i want to be more social. i just want to go to sleep without#fucking dreading waking up. i wanna go a full week without a headache. i want my stress response to be something other than the intense and#overwhelming desire to cut myself. if i start again i dont know if ill be able to stop and i know i wont be able to keep it to my arms/legs/#easily hidden parts of my body. last breakdown i escalated to my face and i know ill pick up from there.#fuck
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me: hector is part of a small percentage of garleans that have psionic powers to compensate for their inability to manipulate aether, but it weakens greatly with age and causes immense mental strain
also me: *falls into a deep rabbit hole of paranormal pseudoscience and marvel/dc comic power scaling wackiness in an attempt to explain why and how that is in the ffxiv universe, but suspension of disbelief is thrown out the window*
#cid.txt#rambling thoughts incoming#since se is pretty much done with garlemald: my city now#i can't do things halfway. i have to explain my work or else my brain will grow mold#is it biological? esoteric? environmental? who knows#leave it to me to make things more complicated than it needs to be :p#but there has to be more to their third eye beyond having better spatial awareness for weaponry#there has to be an advantage that others who can use aether do not have#i'm most likely not the first person to think of this concept but i enjoy tinkering with it#and as a sidenote i kinda wanna make yves a pisonic too because the more i remold him the more i move away from his mhach/supernatural root#his new outfit greatly inspired my current situation#he's already tall like a garlean and his full name is latin so he'll fit right in#and since he and hector are similar people i wanna revisit their early concepts of where they were friends—kirke included#i can't not see these 3 as the terror trio no matter how hard i tried to separate them through each rewrite#i'll have to make a meta writeup soon#signalis mgs and outlast have been templates for this concept#so let's see what I can cook up
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five seconds away from stealing the plot to honnouji hotel for a zany hijikata x daigo story
#snap chats#context: woman goes to hotel that was built on top of honno temple and through magic takes the elevator back in time and meets nobunaga oda#wow i cant believe i was able to fit all of that into one tag lmao#BUT YEAH I NEEED.....#i know we think of hijikata coming to the present but what would happen if daigo went to the past for five minutes#AND IT COULD HAPPEN WHILE HIM AND MINE ARE ON A BUSINESS TRIP AND THEN IT JUST GETS FUCKY WUCKY#oh it could be sadder it could be after Y3.... both are very good...#this reminding me bout how i liked the idea of hijiikata possessing a kirin statue...#i dont think ill have that be relevant in this Hypothetical au but its just remindin me i think daigo/hijikata has funny potential#i have to do comm stuff this week wehhhh my brain's molding but at least it's almost the weekend
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everyone always talks about how fucked up it is that they dont put clocks in casinos so u lose your sense of time and like, true
but no one ever talks about how if you cant read an analog clock due to something like dyscalculia, and you add time blindness on top of that, thats really not that different from your average experience at most locations
Analog clock readers can reblog
if they behave 🔪
#toy txt post#no one has..big prominent digital clocks. bc. they are Ugly#we have Gotta invent a digital clock that is just as easy to read but is somehow just as pretty as analog clocks#idk#anyway#analog clock readers you may reblog if you can behave#if u start shaming OR start trying to teach me how to read an analog clock im going to sneak into your house and turn all of your clocks#inside out and steal one important piece from each one#but like ohhh nooooo they have no windowwwwsss and no clocks the only way to know what time it is is if you check your phone or perhaps#your own personal wristwatch! ive worked in multiple warehouses at weirdass hours this is nothing to me. thats nothing#that is The Grocery Store. what are you talking about#also immune to gambling bc i have simply internalized that every win is a fluke and or a ploy to keep me playing#i go in to any sort of gamble gacha situation like ah. i am simply going to Lose anything that i Spend.#semi joking but also#like. it. it works. i dont. gamble. i rot my brain in other. more boring ways#sorry. anyway. just saw a post talling about the INHERENT /HORROR/ of casinos like as if thats not just any large building to me?#disadvantage turns into an advantage bc im simply use to it. youve merely adapted to the confusion. i was born in it. molded by it
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