#i have like….. a bunch of things i need to do before noon. which is an hour and 15 minutes away.

[trevisos]

physically incapable of getting work done because i’m rotating the characters in my mind

[roosterforme]

Covering the Classics Part 2 | Bob Floyd x OC

Summary: Anna knows her new coworkers want her to meet their friend Bob. But she's too hesitant, afraid to get herself in a situation where she's pining after someone new. During a spur of the moment shopping trip, Bob is delighted to bump into a woman he can only describe as adorable. Too bad he's never been great at the follow through.

Warnings: Fluff, angst, adult language, eventually 18+

Length: 3600 words

Pairing: Robert "Bob" Floyd x Female OC (this story is part of the Beer Boy/Sugar and Jake/Jessica universe)

Covering the Classics masterlist. Check my masterlist for more! Thank you to @mak-32 for the beautiful banner!

By the end of her first week teaching, Anna had learned many things, almost like she was a student herself. That nice, secluded ladies' restroom she found was secluded because one of the toilets regularly overflowed. The coffee in the teacher's lounge was actually disgusting, but the donuts were available every day. And Dr. Pham from the sociology department asked her out three times on Thursday, apparently because she wore her hair in two braids like Princess Anna from Frozen, a mistake she wouldn't be making again.

And she was so tired. She started to lose her voice on Friday morning from how much she had to talk in her lectures. She took the wrong notes to class with her and had to improvise an hour long class on Emily Dickinson, because she was too afraid to give one of her students the keys to her office door. So she sweated it out, but managed to sound somewhat coherent as she dismissed her class at noon.

She pressed her lips together. If she ran to get her sandwich and peanuts really quickly, she could join her new friends by the weird tree. After two days of joining them for lunch, she really liked both of them. She just didn't want to get their hopes up about their friend Bob whom she was supposedly perfect for.

Anna wasn't perfect for anybody. And frankly this Bob guy sounded like a dreamboat, which just made it worse. He'd probably laugh after taking one look at her, and if she opened her mouth and tried to talk to him, he'd run away scared. She already turned down their invitation to go to the Navy hangout bar on Saturday night, citing that she was too exhausted. But it was really because she needed to stand firm with herself and do everything she could to protect her feelings from now on. 

After another few seconds of contemplation, she went to her office and got her lunch before heading to the quad. But today it was just Jessica there eating lasagna and garlic bread from a plastic container while Anna's stomach growled in jealousy. 

"Hi," she greeted after she chewed up a bite of her perfect looking lunch. "It's just us today. Dr. Rosenthal apparently had a bunch of questions about the math curriculum and took Advanced Calculus out for a long working lunch at Covewood."

Anna had barely been in the city for more than two weeks, but even she had heard of Covewood. "That's a five star restaurant. A romantic date night hot spot."

"Mmhmm," Jessica agreed as she sunk her perfect teeth into the garlic bread.

Anna realized her own experience was fueling her next sentences, but she said them anyway. "Isn't she married? Her husband is okay with that?" she asked softly.

Advanced Physics burst into laughter. "Bradley loves Dr. Rosenthal. He's in his seventies, and he's one of the sweetest people at the school. They have him over for dinner sometimes. He actually did my tenure review."

"Oh," Anna replied, embarrassed that she could hardly relate to someone who trusted their spouse. "That actually sounds really nice."

"Hey, are you sure you don't want to come out tomorrow night? No pressure. I just think you'd have a fun time. The guys are all sweethearts."

Anna looked down at herself and her sad sandwich. She didn't even have money to spare for a beer that she would probably drink half of before she wanted to leave. And it didn't matter if the guys were sweet, she knew her two new friends would be champing at the bit to see how she and this Bob person interacted. "Not this weekend," she replied. "Maybe another night."

Instead of socializing, she spent her Saturday window shopping in North Park. She had a budget of exactly zero dollars, but she could entertain herself for hours this way. She gasped when she found a two story bookshop that claimed it contained new and used and rare finds, and she ran across the street to get to it. 

It was darker and quieter inside than the sunlit, traffic filled streets, and when Anna took a deep breath, it reminded her of a cozy library. The clerk behind the register waved instead of speaking, so really, it just kept getting better. When she noticed the wooden sign on the wall informing her that The Classics were upstairs, she made her way up the creaky steps to a loft area with row after row of tall shelves. 

"Perfect," she muttered, walking to the end of the open space and turning down the last tight row of bookshelves. She wasn't alone, but the only other occupant was a tall, slim man with broad shoulders and tidy, sandy colored hair. He seemed to be so absorbed by what he was reading, he didn't look up when Anna reached for an enormous copy of Shakespeare plays.

She almost moaned out loud; it was annotated and contained every play she had to teach in her Thursday morning English 300 class. It was well worn, and the cover felt nice in her hands. Shit. Of course it was seventy bucks. That was more than she spent on groceries last week. Maybe she could expense it to the department? She should probably know how to do that. Maybe she could text one of her new friends and ask if that was allowed. 

But she slid the book back into place as a Vonnegut she didn't yet own caught her eye. She reached out for it with a steady hand, but as soon as her fingertips met the spine, a much larger hand, complete with graceful yet calloused fingers, wrapped around hers. Everything suddenly smelled clean like soap and also intriguingly like tea leaves. And then she heard a voice next to her ear that made her bite down on her lip as a ripple of pleasure teased her spine. 

"Oh. I'm so sorry."

--------------------------

Bob had never been to this store before, and he wasn't really planning on stopping by today, but Mickey dragged him in and then ditched him for the children's section at the back of the store. Bob looked around downstairs, but as a poetry fan, he found that section to be seriously lacking, so he headed up to the loft instead.

He considered himself well-read until he realized how many classic novels he'd never even heard of before. And they all sounded really depressing. Which was kind of the point, he supposed, but if he was going to get something new to read, he was in the mood for a more upbeat story. Maybe a romance or a European adventure he could get lost in. Maybe a sweeping, romantic tale where the nice guy gets the girl for once. 

After several tries, he still wasn't finding anything close to what he was hoping for. As he re-shevled The Bell Jar, he decided to just reach for a book at random. Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut? Maybe that would be more his speed. But when he reached for it, his fingers wrapped around a soft hand complete with glossy, burgundy fingernails instead of the actual book. He jumped an inch in the air, because he hadn't even been aware anyone else was in the aisle with him, let alone a woman who smelled like sweet perfume.

"Oh. I'm so sorry," he stammered, already mortified. Then she turned to look at him over her shoulder, and he wanted to jump off the loft railing and run out the shop door. There was only one word to accurately describe her: adorable. She had dark red hair done up in a messy braid, big brown eyes, and a smattering of freckles across her nose. "Oh."

"It's okay," she replied softly as she tried to hand him the book. "You can have it."

He shook his head, completely distracted, as he kept finding more things about her face that he liked. A grin curled along his lips as he said, "No, it's all yours. Really. I was just looking for something new to read."

She glanced down at the cover and then back at his face, and maybe he was imagining things, but it looked like she was blushing a bit. "Wow. I wasn't really expecting anyone else to be interested in reading a sarcastic take on global destruction on a sunny Saturday afternoon."

His eyebrows shot up. "Is that what it's about?"

Her laughter was also adorable. "Yeah, I mean... it's Vonnegut," she said with a bit of an eye roll. Oh no. She knew what she was talking about, and he kind of didn't. He was probably about to sound like an idiot. 

Bob cleared his throat and pointed at a random spine to buy himself time. "What's this one about?"

She cocked her head slightly to the side and said, "Two murders and a kidnapping."

"Oh," he said with a little laugh. "No thanks. How about this one?"

He wasn't even looking at the books now at all, preferring to watch her facial expression change as she checked another title. "Oh, that one's good. Also about murder."

He chuckled and pointed at another. "This one?"

She smirked and looked up at him. "Jealousy, rage, hatred, and also a lot of murder."

"Wow," Bob replied with what he was sure was a stupid looking smile. "I was hoping for something a little tamer? Perhaps less murder-y? Maybe I should go down and look in the children's section?" He jerked his thumb over his shoulder and listened to her laugh again.

"I could recommend a few books with little to no murder. Maybe even a happy ending," she told him, and he watched as she pushed her braid over her shoulder. 

"I'll believe it when I see it," he said as he crossed his arms over his chest. To his shock and amazement, her gaze followed his movement, and her blush returned.

When her tongue darted out between her lips, Bob could feel his heart beating in his temples. Her brown eyes drifted back up to his face, and he wondered if this was how Jake or Bradley used to feel when girls paid attention to them at the bar. It was decidedly really exciting. 

He was going to be bold like his friends. He was going to ask her for her number. Maybe he'd see if she wanted to help him shop for some books, and he could buy her that horrible Vonnegut that she wanted, and then he'd ask her very nicely for her number. 

"Floyd!"

Bob watched you jump as Mickey's voice echoed through the store.

"Floyd! Let's go!"

"S-Sorry," Bob muttered, stepping past her and heading for the loft railing. "Just... hang on for one second?"

As soon as Mickey looked up and saw him, he said, "We gotta go, man. I got some books for my nephews, but we'll be late to grab a drink before D&D if we don't leave now. You know how she gets when we're late." He was shaking a bag of books and heading for the door.

Bob did know for a fact that Jessica got annoyed when they showed up late because they got hungry or distracted on the way to The Hard Deck. "Just give me a minute," he told Mickey, but he was already outside. 

He swiped his sweaty palms on his jeans and turned around to find the aisle empty. Oh no. He checked the next row of shelves, and the next, and the next, until he got all the way to the stairs, but the adorable redhead was nowhere to be found. And he had no idea what her name was. 

"Hello?" he called out softly, checking each aisle again until he was back where he started. Bob might have believed that he imagined the whole entire exchange with an attractive woman, except that there was one book propped up against the others right where he and she had been standing. 

"A Room With a View by E. M. Forster," he mumbled as he picked it up and turned it over in his hands. He glanced around again, but she was well and truly gone, leaving nothing except for what seemed like a book recommendation. 

"Floyd!"

Bob sighed and tipped his head back in frustration. "Coming!"

He descended the stairs slowly, head swiveling in every direction, searching for brown eyes and a braid while he held the book. Gone. He paid for A Room With a View and headed outside to find Mickey looking quite annoyed. What he didn't see was the mystery girl watching him from the far end of the loft.

-----------------------

"She was real," Bob insisted as he held his glass of ginger ale a little tighter. "Just because you were too busy yelling doesn't mean I made her up in my mind. She had red hair and brown eyes."

Mickey gave him a skeptical look. "That's actually a really rare combination. And I know for a fact you happen to have an excellent imagination, my friend."

Bob cradled his forehead in his hand. "Why didn't I ask for her name and number?" Then he paused. "You know what? It doesn't even matter. There's no way she would have agreed to give it to me." 

He thought about the book he bought sitting on the front seat of his truck next to his dice bag and character sheet, and he considered just going home for the night. Maybe he could start to read the book. Maybe he'd feel like writing.

Then he felt an arm slip around his waist. "Hi, Jessica," he said as he blushed when he looked down at Jake's petite girlfriend. A second later, Bradley's wife was next to him as well, and Bob realized they were wearing matching smirks.

"Hey, Bob," Jessica replied, giving him a little squeeze. "We were just wondering if you happened to like redheads."

Mickey snickered before he tipped his beer bottle back and finished the drink. "He loves them. Daydreams about them."

Bob shot him a withering look. "She was real."

"Who was real?" Bradley's wife asked as her husband came up behind her and set his chin on her shoulder. Great, now he was going to have a full audience of people informed about his embarrassing afternoon of not even knowing how to ask a woman what her name was.

"There was a cute girl at the bookstore in North Park earlier," he muttered. "She had red hair, and I fumbled the ball."

Bradley chuckled. "You know what your problem is, right? You're too nice. Sugar met me when I was an absolute fuckboy, and she fell hard."

"I've been having a decade long lapse of judgement," she replied, and Bradley kissed her neck. "Don't listen to him, Bob. Girls love nice guys."

But Bob knew they didn't. Even the woman from the bookstore dodged him after approximately five minutes of flirting. If you could even call that flirting. He finished his ginger ale, and said, "We need to go. It's almost time for D&D. I'll drive."

Mickey nodded and said, "I'm ready." He could probably tell Bob had reached his limit with this conversation. His friend may be an extrovert to the extreme, but he was good at recognizing when Bob needed a break.

Jessica nodded as well and patted him on the chest before she pranced off into Jake's open arms. They shared the most adorable looking kisses before Jake straightened out her glasses and tucked her hair behind her ear. "Have her home by midnight, Bob!" he called as he released her. 

Bob nodded wishing there was someone besides the elderly woman who lived in the duplex next to him that cared if he was out past midnight or not. Even though he always looked forward to playing Dungeons & Dragons, he kind of wanted to head home and call it an early night. Nothing sounded as good as sending an email to Nat before reading his new book. But he would wait until later, and maybe he would even be in the mood to get his laptop out.

-----------------------

Anna went back to her studio apartment empty handed. Well, that wasn't quite true. She didn't buy any books, but she did splurge on a six dollar bottle of wine which would probably taste disgusting. She just hoped it would help her sleep through the night after reading some sad poetry and eating a piece of toast for dinner. 

That guy from the bookstore was going to linger in her mind for a long time whether she wanted him to or not. She was more attracted to him after five minutes in his presence than she was to Kevin at any point in the past five years. And if she was going to start thinking about Kevin, she was probably going to cry. 

The toast was good, but the wine was bad. And she did cry a little bit. She was never going to get attached to the idea of being in a relationship ever again. She was never going to have herself that level of intimacy just to have it ripped away. She wouldn't allow it. Relying on herself would have to be enough. Handsome strangers with muscular, veiny arms and cute glasses who made her laugh were not part of the plan. That's why she ducked behind the end cap after she left him a book she thought he might like. She watched him buy it for himself, which left her almost breathless. If she allowed herself to, she could picture him sitting in a coffee shop sipping some tea and reading that book.

"Enough," she whispered, vision a little sloppy from the wine. She opened up the website called PoetsAmongUs, read a bookmarked collection about how good it would feel to be loved completely, and passed out. 

The realization that she was going to have to spend all of Sunday afternoon getting ready for the week was made slightly easier by the fact that she only had four hundred square feet of space to clean. And then she thought about the beautiful home she once had in New Jersey, and she had to finish the bottle of wine to help her get through her notes on The Great Gatsby.

She was still thinking about that hot guy with the glasses on Monday when she grabbed a donut from the teacher's lounge. Indulging in a little fantasy here and there about being loved and cared for wouldn't be so bad. And putting his face to it just made it even sexier. When she wasn't teaching, she let her mind wander to some possibilities that would never happen again. Pretty eyes, lean muscles, soft looking hair, pink cheeks. He probably had nice friends, too. He probably never cheated on anything in his life.

"Hey, Anna? Are you alright?"

She looked up from her bag of peanuts and realized she'd been so deep in thought, she wasn't paying attention to the lunch conversation. "I'm sorry," she replied, fighting the urge to groan. She wasn't very good at this stuff and should have probably just eaten lunch in her office like she did the past few days. The fact that it was Wednesday and she was still distracted was concerning to her. 

"Don't apologize. You just seem lost in thought," said Jessica as she ate another perfect looking lunch. 

"Do you want some chips and hummus? Bradley packed me too much food today," her other friend said. And of course he did, because he sounded like a damn dream.

Anna ate a few chips and sighed. "Have either of you ever had your heart smashed to bits?" She didn't really mean to say that out loud, but now that she had, she was met with an awkward silence that she wanted to run away from. 

"Yeah," Advanced Calculus replied softly. "And I did it to myself."

"Not my heart as much as my hopes and dreams," Advanced Physics added. "But for me, I think that was much worse."

Now the silence that followed wasn't quite as painful, but Anna was still a little embarrassed. "Yeah. All of the above." She cleared her throat and tried to think of something else to talk about, but her mind was still on the bookstore. "Hey, why didn't you tell me that San Diego is full of hot guys? They are literally everywhere. I went window shopping in North Park and got sucked into a bookstore, and I bumped into a guy with glasses who smelled so nice."

"Ohhh, what did he look like?"

Anna sighed. "You know how you can just tell a guy is really strong even though he doesn't have bulging muscles?"

"Mmhmm."

"He was like that." Anna bit into her sandwich and chewed it slowly. "Pretty eyes, kind of the color of a lake. Sandy hair. Wire glasses. Soft spoken. He smelled like a cup of tea." 

A few seconds later, she was snapped back from her drifting thoughts as Advanced Calculus asked, "Did you say this was at a bookstore in North Park?"

"Yes," Anna replied with a nod. 

"Did you get his name?" Advanced Physics asked. 

"No," she answered, still embarrassed over the fact that she hid from him.

And then she thought she was going to get whiplash again.

"Was he about six feet tall?"

"Was he slim but not skinny?"

"Did he blush when he smiled?"

"Will you please come to the Hard Deck this weekend?"

--------------------------

Bradley is so proud of the fact that Sugar fell for him when they were in college. Beer Boy just gets better with age. This little Bob and Anna meet cute might spell disaster when they figure it all out! Thanks to @mak-32 and @beyondthesefourwalls

PART 3

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[cy6err]

Whoops — W.S.

Pairings: Walker Scobell x Actress!Reader

Warnings: kissing ? (On the cheek)

Summary: Your boyfriend Walker made a mistake whilst you were on live…

A/N: I kind of don’t like this one 🥸 but this is a part 2 of first look! (check that one out first if you want, but it’s not required to.) also, this is awfully short and I apologise for it 🙏🏻

. ·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ . .·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ . .·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .

It had been a few months since you and Walker have been together for, but you two kept it on the down low. The people who knew were Aryan and Leah (of course), and they too kept it a secret. The only reason was because you and Walker didn’t want to try and start a whole bunch of chaos within the fandom about your guys’ relationship.

Knowing how the fans are, you both decided to not reveal anything between you two— Other than the light flirting and glances you give each other during small videos uploaded by your friends. It was nice having him as your boyfriend… texting and calling each other every day, unless he’s busy with work or school obviously.

He would also call you during his live streams with Brady Noon— but you stayed in mute because you didn’t want others to hear you talking, you just wanted to be in each other’s presence.

Due to him being busy with work, you barely had time to call or even text him anymore. Yes, he did text you, but they were mostly dry responses. However, he made sure to put an emoji at the end of them so you knew he wasn’t being dry on purpose.

The calls were brief as well, only getting around 10-15 minutes of talking before the, “I’m being called to set and retouch my makeup, I’ll call you later.” Only to find yourself waiting until the moment you fall asleep with no call from him.

He would send an apology text and tell you how much he still cared about you to ease your overthinking. You understood that he was gonna be busy a lot more than usual now that he was filming for PJO season 2.

Sure, keeping the relationship a secret wasn’t all that bad, but it was somewhat hard to take pictures together without making anything obvious (Leah was so kind enough to help you two); So, you posted the ones you found most ‘friendly’ looking.

It had been a normal Saturday when you were home, laying in your bed and rotting in your room. You didn’t need to film until the next month or so, giving you some time to relax after filming for 2 and a half months straight. Your mom was out for the day doing some errands, leaving you home alone for some time.

Walker was also busy today, needing to film for season 2, so he was going to be very distant with you until further notice— which you hated. After contemplating on what to do, you decide to go live for a bit on Instagram and interact with a few fans.

You got up from your bed and set your phone up on your desk next to your window, making sure there was enough light to show yourself clearly. You tap the ‘live’ button and waited a bit for some people to join (which was really quick). You had over 1,009 viewers already and you were pretty shocked at how many people joined the live in under two minutes.

“Hi guys! How are you all doing today?” You greet, smiling widely as you laugh at the flooding comments. Each one being: “are you and Walker dating?” “Where’s Walker?” “Do you and Walker have a thing going on??”

Shaking your head, you deny the comments. “No, we’re just close friends. And he’s doing well, just busy at the moment.” You sat there as you played with a few objects sitting on your desk, answering other questions from them.

You were getting really engrossed with the conversation that you didn’t even realise your mom calling your name until you heard your bedroom door open. “Y/n, you in here?” She asked, peeking her head in your room.

“Oh, hey mom. Sorry, I didn’t hear you because I’m live right now.” You give an apologetic smile, “did you need something?”

Your mom waved to the camera as the comments spammed “hi mrs. L/n!!”

“Just checking up on you, what do you want for dinner?” Your mom asked, moving a strand of hair out of your face.

“Uhh, I’m not sure. Surprise me?”

“Sure,” she laughs, “I’ll call you down in a bit. I invited some friends over and they might spend the night, clean your room please.”

“Okay, are they gonna sleep in here?” You ask, raising an eyebrow.

“Mhm! I’ll let you know when food’s ready.” Your mom then left the room leaving you back to your live.

You turn back to your camera and sigh, “well, unexpected guests I guess… and my room is not that messy!”

“Yeah it is.” A familiar voice said from behind, your head snapping toward the direction. Your eyes lit up with joy when you saw your boyfriend leaning against your doorframe, making you jump up from your seat to hug him.

“Walker! I didn’t know you were gonna be here!” You exclaim, embracing him tightly to which he returned with a chuckle.

“Yeah, got some time off for a bit and decided to surprise you. I thought it was obvious when your mom said she was inviting friends over?” Walker said, looking at you with wonder.

“I thought she meant the neighbourhood friends and their children.” You shrug, pulling away but not quite letting go of him.

It was a moment of silence when he finally spoke up in a soft, sweet tone. “I missed you.”

You felt your face get warm and your smile grew, “I missed you too.”

With that, he leaned in for a quick a quick kiss, making you mirror the action until you stopped and looked away, making him kiss your cheek instead. He looked at you confused and a little disappointed, “Why’d you do that?”

“Walker, I’m live. I completely forgot.” You quickly run to your phone, grabbing it as Walker immediately became red from embarrassment. The chat was filled with spamming: “OMG” “THEY’RE DATING!!” “WALKER X Y/N CONFIRMEDD” “MY SHIP HAS SAILED.”

“Im so so sorry, oh my god.” Walker groaned, throwing himself onto the bed as you laugh lightly. “It’s okay, Walker. I guess it’s one way of telling the fandom about our relationship.”

He buried his face into the pillows and ignored you, despite his big smile on his face. You quickly said your goodbyes to the fans and ended the live, joining him in the bed. “We were gonna tell them eventually, right?”

Walker took a peek at you and nods, “yeah. I guess so, I just hope it doesn’t ruin anything.”

You lie down and mess with his curls a bit, “Just ignore them. Being with you is all that matters, you’re my ray of sunshine”

He laughed at your comment, “you’re so corny.” Laughing with him, you got closer until your mom came in the room.

“Foods ready— don’t get too close to each other now.” She says, giving a pointed look making you roll your eyes playfully as she left the room.

“Come on, let’s go eat. Im starving.” You pull at his arm and drag him out of the bed, making him get up.

“Okay, okay!” He grins, kissing your cheek and following you downstairs to eat dinner.

—

(He surprised you with flowers 🤍)

—

HII IM SO SORRY IT WAS SHORT 😔 BUT NONETHELESS, I HOPE YOU LIKED IT :)) it was lowk hard to finish this. feel free to send requests !!

Tag list: @defnot-bri

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Your Savior

Pairing: Cop!Dean Winchester x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~1.9k

Warnings: angst, being taken hostage at gunpoint, fearful of your life

Request by @jessicalynnann: What about cop/detective dean and him and the reader are in an established relationship and she owns a cute little bakery… well what if something happens like she gets attacked but doesn’t tell him and he finds out and is upset but comforts her… 

Summary: You have a little bakery that is your pride and joy and a boyfriend on the police force who you're so proud of. He doesn't have a lot of dangerous cases until one day, three gunmen decide to take a bank hostage. A bank that is a couple of blocks from your bakery.

Square Filled: criminal au (2022) for @spnaubingo

Author’s Note: any and all comments are appreciated <3

x

You have to bake two dozen cupcakes, a two-tier cake, and a half dozen cookies before the end of the day and you’re working as hard as you can to get that done. You have flour on your apron and face, quiet music is playing from your speaker, and you have your hands elbow-deep in a bowl of batter.

The bell on the front door rings signalling someone walked into your bakery store, and you try to peek out of the room to see who it is.

“I’ll be right with you!” you call out. “Give me one minute!” The person doesn’t wait for you to come out to them so they walk into the kitchen. You’re about to yell at them when you see who it is. “Dean!”

“Hey, sweetheart,” he grins.

Dean is a respected cop that everyone knows. He has been on the force since eighteen, and he’s only gone up from there. He walks behind the counter and kisses you even though some of the flour gets on his face.

“What are you doing here?”

“What, I can’t stop by my girlfriend’s bakery?” You raise an eyebrow at him and he laughs. “No, I just wanted to say hi on my break.”

“Hi,” you smile. “Today has been hectic and I haven’t been open for nearly an hour. I just got this big order in for a birthday party this weekend. I’m trying to get as much as I can done so I don’t have to do it later.”

“Where’s Maria?”

“Coming in late. She has a sick kid at home, and her husband won’t be able to pick him up until after ten.”

“I was going to take you out for lunch but I can come here.”

“No, Maria can hold down the fort for an hour. I’d love to go out to lunch with you.”

“Okay.” He grabs one of the fresh muffins you made and takes out a ten dollar bill which he sets on the counter. “I’ll be back at twelve.”

“Hey, I don’t need your money.”

“It’s stealing. I’m a cop. I uphold the law,” he grins. He leans down and kisses you. “I love you.”

“I love you, too!”

Right before Maria shows up, your bakery filled with customers who are hungry for your sweets. With her at the register, you can focus on the big order which you’re almost done making the batter for. This whole bakery idea is all because of Dean. When you two were in high school, he encouraged you to continue bake. The school held a bunch of bake-offs which you participated in, and everyone fell in love with your food.

Starting junior year of high school, you started selling your baked goods for cheap until you got orders from practically everyone. His family owned a section of a building in the mall for their seasonal work, so they let you use it when they weren't. When Dean became a cop, you made cookies and cupcakes for all the officers in the office.

Being a cop is something you wished Dean didn’t pursue because it’s a very dangerous job, and you’re always worried that he’s not going to come home. He’s mostly a beat cop who does a lot of desk work and will occasionally do the big things like drug busts and hostage situations but those are far in between.

You don’t like it but you know he’s the best person for the job. He’s determined, he loves helping people who can’t help themselves, and he has a passion for the job. Just like you.

Noon comes faster than you think it does, and you start to clean your work space so that when  you return from lunch, you can start with a clean area. Dean walks in through the front door just as you’re finishing up.

“Y/N, Dean is here,” Maria calls from the front.

“Coming!” You put the dirty rags in the small hamper and take off your dirty apron. There is some flour on your clothes but not enough to cause you to not go out in public. That’s the reality of being a baker. You have flour on everything you wear. “Where are we going?”

“Razzio’s.”

“Italian food. Yum,” you giggle. “I’ll be back in an hour.”

“Have fun!” Maria smiles.

Razzio’s is located in the same block as your bakery so you two walk over there. The owner knows Dean from when he stopped a robbery fromt aking place, so now he gets free meals and discounts when he comes in. Dean still pays full price for the food even though Razzio doesn’t always take it.

“Dean! Welcome in!” Razzio greets.

“Hey, Raz. Got a table for me?”

“Of course. Window okay?”

“Perfect.”

Dean likes to try everything on the menu so he has Razzio cook him up something new every week without ordering, and every week, you end up loving what he brings to the table. It’s not unusual for Razzio not to lay menus down for you.

“So, I was thinking this weekend, we can take some time off,” Dean says.

“Like a getaway?”

“Yeah. My family has a cabin up north that I’d love to take you to.”

“It will be nice to relax instead of worrying about what orders I need to prepare for next week.”

“See? Win-win.”

“You’re a dork,” you giggle and kiss him.

Razzio is perfect like always, and you walked away with a free meal. What Razzio doesn’t take, Dean leaves as a tip for him. You walk back to your bakery hand-in-hand with a full stomach and a happy heart. You reach his police car when the radio he has strapped to his shoulder crackles to life.

“Unit 27, I got a 10-31 in progress. All three subjects appear to be armed. Please respond.”

10-31. You’ve been with Dean long enough to know that it’s a robbery. Subjects being armed means they have guns.

Dean grabs the small radio and presses the button to respond back.

“Unit 27 responding.” He turns to you. “I gotta go.”

“Please be careful.”

“Always,” he winks.

He kisses you goodbye and hops into his police cruiser. You watch him peel out of the parking lot before going back inside. It seems like not a lot of people have come in while you were gone so nothing bad happened. You resume your baking in the kitchen and slide in two batches of cupcakes into the oven when the hairs on the back of your neck stand up.

Something isn’t right.

You walk carefully to the closed kitchen door and peer out of the small window to see three men with big guns inside the store. Maria and the other customers huddle together in fear. Are these the three subjects the same ones that the dispatcher was warning Dean about? How did they escape? Why did they come here? Are they looking to steal some food?

You take your phone out and dial Dean’s personal cell and place it to your ear. Pick up, Dean, pick up. Come on, pick up. You get his voicemail because he’s probably busy with the situation he got called away on.

“Dean, I need you here. There are three men with big guns in the bakery. Please hurry. They might be--”

“Hey!”

You look up and lock eyes with one of the suspects. You quickly hang up and duck down but he has already seen you. The man storms into the kitchen and grabs your arm tightly. You’re thrown off balance that your phone is dropped when he drags you out where everyone else is. You don’t struggle to get away in fear of being shot and let them tie you up.

“Are you the owner?” the leader asks. You nod because you have tape over your mouth. “Where’s the money?” You shake your head and he cocks his weapon. “Where’s the fucking money?!”

You mumble something underneath the tape, and one of the them rips it off you.

“Fuck,” you hiss at the pain. “I don’t have a lot of money. You’re wasting your time here.”

“No, you see, I know you have money. I see you leave this store every day with a bag full of it. Where is it?”

“Not here.”

Like hell you’re going to tell them there is a big safe hidden behind a picture frame in the abc with a bunch of cash stored there. You have most of the cash in the bank but you keep a chunk of it here for emergencies only. You’re not going to give them your hard earned money.

“Okay.” The leader points his gun at you and Maria cries where she sits. “You have until the count of three to tell me where the money is or I blow your fucking head off. Deal?”

The fear has sunk in and you start crying not only for you but for everyone else here. MAria is such a good mother and wife, she doesn’t deserve to be killed. Every customer in here has a life, someone they go home to. You cna’t do that to them. You have no idea if Dean got your message so you can’t rely on him to be here and save you.

“One.”

You look up to answer when you spot someone moving behind him. You look and see Dean’s beautiful green eyes looking into yours. He has four other cops with him that snuck in through the back.

“Two.”

He puts a finger to his mouth to tell you to keep quiet, and you look back at the man who is threatening you with a gun.

“Thr--”

“Wait! I’ll tell you!” you gasp.

“I’m waiting.”

“Okay. If I tell you, you let them go. They have nothing to do with this,” you gesture to the other hostages.

“We’ll see. Where’s the fucking money?”

You look behind the three gunmen and notice Dean and the other cops come out quietly with their guns out.

“Right behind you.”

The leader turns right into the barrel of Dean’s gun. He goes to raise his own to fight but notices the other four cops with guns on them. They are outnumbered and they don’t want to die.

“Man, you three were hard to catch. Why’d you come here?” Dean chuckles. “Lower your weapons. All of you. Turn around with hands behind your backs.”

The three men do as they’re told, and three officers put them in handcuffs. Another ones goes over to the hostages and starts to get the out of their ties while Dean rushes over to you.

“Oh, my God, Dean,” you cry.

“I’m right here, baby. You’re okay. You’re safe now.” Once free, you get up and run into his arms. You break down crying and he smoothes down your hair in comfort. “I’m right here. You’re okay now.”

One of the cops calls for backup so that the gunmen are taken away in three separate cars. Paramedics come to check everyone out, and the money that the gunmen took is being processed to return back to its owners.

“Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Dean asks.

“Yeah. They didn’t hurt us. Well, one of them grabbed my arm hard but I don’t think it’s enough to form a bruise. I didn’t think you got my message. I didn’t think you were coming.”

“I will always come. I will always be here to protect you,” he promises.

x

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[clarisse0o]

Camp Wiegman-Part 30

Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle

Alternate Universe : Military School

Words : 5k

TW: Toxic Relationship

Masterlist

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Sunday, January 3rd; 6:45 PM -  Manchester Restaurant.

Today was really strange. Leah and Alessia parents were supposed to return in the afternoon, so most of us left their house around noon after a much-needed cleanup. Our boozy evening and the two days that followed had left quite the mess, as we all stayed over to sleep. Luckily, nothing was broken.

Everyone went their separate ways in the afternoon. The Alba, Patri, Caudia and Leah decided to stay and have a geek day in Leah's room. Alessia, Maya and Ella opted for a trip around town and a visit to the park on this last day of freedom. As for Alexia, Mapi, and me, we decided to grab a bite somewhere before taking Mapi to the airport.

Mapi didn’t really want to leave. She loved her short stay here, even though she complained a lot about the weather. She adored the city and enjoyed the time spent with my friends. We spent most of our time with Alexia, with whom she quickly became friends. Saying goodbye was hard for everyone when it was time for her flight.

Afterward, Alexia perfectly organized the rest of our day. She made plans to see Jenni one last time before school resumed. I offered to join the girls and leave her alone with him, but she insisted I stay. According to her, it would have led to a bunch of questions she wasn't ready to answer. Knowing she was right, I resigned myself to stay.

I wasn’t thrilled at first, but she reassured me by saying that Jenni had invited Ingird and Lucy to join us. I also learned that Alexia had just discovered their names on New Year’s, which really surprised me. After all, they are her girlfriend’s friends, but according to Alexia, it wasn’t up to her. It seems Lucy wanted it that way. She hadn’t taken Jenni's departure well and, as a result, had kept her distance from any connection between them.

It must have been tough for Alexia, knowing Lucy is her girlfriend’s best friend. Lucy remained very cold toward her, which intimidated Alexia a lot. I now understand better why Alexia reacted the way she did when Lucy visited our room. She had every reason to be afraid of my supervisor. However, it seems like things are finally starting to improve.

Alexia confessed that this was the first time she’d seen our instructors outside of school. This afternoon was the second time. Lucy had agreed to come. Ingird, however, already had plans. So, after Mapi's flight took off, we took a taxi and joined them at Jenni’s place, where we spent the rest of the afternoon at her apartment.

Now, here we are at the restaurant, where I’m sitting next to Alexia and across from Lucy. We didn’t leave too late since we have to be back at school by nine. Lucy kept reminding us, so we couldn’t forget. It’s still a very strange situation to end the holidays. I’ve spent most of my time with Lucy, as the two lovebirds haven’t let go of each other all afternoon.

“Have you heard from Mapi?” Alexia asks me.

“No, but I should soon. I told her to take the morning flight, but she didn’t listen.”

“Why should she have taken the morning one?” Jenni asks.

“She’ll land late tonight. She’s bound to be exhausted for her first day back tomorrow.”

“Well, she really didn’t want to leave,” Alexia chuckles. “She picked the latest flight possible.”

“Let’s hope her return to reality isn’t too harsh.”

“Is she not doing well?” Lucy asks. “She seemed fine at New Year’s.”

“Mapi isn’t the kind of person who shows her struggles in front of others,” I reply honestly.

“I know someone else like that,” she murmurs, sipping her drink.

I know she’s talking about me. I’m not someone who expresses myself in front of others either. When I do, it’s only in front of one person, and that’s very rare. Lucy was an exception, which is still hard for me to understand. I had never cried in front of her like I did.

“What happened?” Alexia asks curiously, to my relief.

“Well… Her girlfriend cheated on her with my ex,” I admit. “So, let’s just say their relationship didn’t end well.”

Alexia doesn’t have time to react because Lucy chokes on her drink. She sets her glass down hard, looking at me with wide eyes. It reminds me that I hadn’t actually told her the reasons for their sudden breakup.

“The ex I’m thinking of?” she asks.

“Yeah,” I reply.

“That’s why the other night… Well…”

I shake my head, understanding what she means. She’s referring to the night I called her in tears. It had nothing to do with that, but now she has a reason to be curious. Our friends look at us with a mix of curiosity and confusion as they watch our exchange.

“We’ll talk about it later,” Lucy says, noticing our friends’ reactions.

There’s not much more to say, but I agree to avoid continuing this private conversation here.

“So, anyway,” Jenni interjects before the mood around the table can cool down. “Why did you come to school, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“My mom gave me the choice between school or kicking me out without a place to live,” I say with a shrug.

An “ouch” louder than I intended escapes my lips as I get kicked under the table. I glare at Lucy, realizing she’s the one who kicked me. I calm down when I see she’s giving me the same look.

“You didn’t tell me that either,” she grumbles. “I thought your mom knew Wiegman, and that’s why you got a spot?”

“That’s true. At least, I suppose so,” I reply with another shrug. “Don’t I have the right to have secrets, Commander?” I tease her.

“No, not about things like that. Especially if you can talk about it so openly with a stranger.”

Her reaction surprises me a bit. She had never before complained that I didn’t tell her something.

“Well, you never asked,” I retort.

“Come on. We both know I’ve always let you talk to me at your own pace about why you came to Camp Wiegman.”

“You’re not telling me you’re upset, are you?” I joke.

“Yes, completely,” she says, crossing her arms.

I lose my smile when I realize she really is, judging by the look on her face. Is she seriously upset over something so minor? Why does it matter to her if I talk to someone else? I was ready to say anything to make her stop sulking, but I understand her game when a tiny smirk on her lips betrays her. I smile too, much more relieved than I should be, realizing she’s not really mad at me.

“You shouldn’t be.”

“And why not?” she counters.

“Because you know things even Mapi doesn’t. And Mapi is the person who knows me best.”

My words are sincere, and they seem to have an effect on Lucy, who looks at me in a strange way. The tense atmosphere eases suddenly, as if she realizes what this means to me. She doesn’t seem to grasp how much influence she has over me—or maybe she does and enjoys it. Either way, all I know is that I feel good talking to her. I feel listened to, and she has this way of making me want to confide in her and no one else. She genuinely seems interested in my problems, which is very important to me.

“Lately, you’re the first person I turn to when something important happens in my life. It’s… I don’t know. It’s become automatic, I guess.”

Her eyes soften at this new revelation. She seems to appreciate it. In any case, I’ve never been this honest in my life.

“Alright… Thank you, then. That’s what I want you to do. Well, not necessarily being the first… Although it means a lot to me that I am, but what’s important is that I know.”

My cheeks warm up as I realize my words didn’t fall on deaf ears. I force a smile, which she returns with a touch of amusement. Then I turn my eyes to the couple sitting with us. Alexia is looking at me strangely, making me feel a bit more uncomfortable. She’s seen us interact before, but never like this. No one knows the extent of our relationship. We don’t even know ourselves. I wish I could talk to someone about it to clarify things, but I doubt Lucy would appreciate it. The problem is, I’m afraid to bring it up with her, too, in case she gets angry. Maybe she won’t anymore, now that she declared us friends a few days ago... I should try again sometime.

The meal continues peacefully after the waiter brings our food. Jenni keeps asking me questions to get to know me better. I enjoy answering her. In return, I learn things about her, like how close she is to my supervisor or that she’s been dating Alexia for almost a year. She explained how Alexia wouldn’t leave her alone and how hard it was for her to resist when she noticed her from day one. Lucy doesn’t participate much in this conversation. She seems almost bored. Her behavior around this whole thing is really strange. I’ll be sure to ask her why when I get the chance. To avoid bothering her any longer, I steer the conversation toward Jenni’s personal life. I learn that she works at a gym since being laid off from the school and that she’s also developing a project with Lucy. I was curious about that, so I wanted to ask more questions, but Lucy doesn’t seem to agree, as she abruptly ends our evening.

“It’s after eight. We should go if we don’t want to be late.”

“You’re taking them then?” Jenni asks.

“Well, yeah, I’m not going to leave them here.”

“What a shame,” I comment.

“You can say that to anyone but me,” she smiles.

I bite my lip, mentally cursing her for knowing me so well. I’ve calmed down lately, and I’m starting to enjoy this school. Camp Wiegman has become my home. It was hard to admit, but it’s the truth. It gives me the stability I was missing in Barcelona. I hope that after I leave, I’ll have found a career path that will keep me from sitting at home with nothing to do.

Under Lucy’s pressure, we decide to head to the register to pay our bill. I’m the first to finish. I wait off to the side after paying. I was lost in thought while waiting for my friends when my phone starts vibrating in my pocket. I frown as an unknown number appears on the screen. I decide to ignore it, thinking if it’s important, they’ll call back. And they do. I immediately think of Mapi, who must have landed by now. I sigh, glancing at Lucy as she joins me.

“Someone’s trying to call me. I’ll step outside to take it.”

“Alright. Don’t stray too far, please.”

I nod before heading for the exit. I take the third call and bring the phone to my ear.

“Hello?”

“Ona?” the voice on the other end surprises me. “Oh my God, I finally got through to you…”

The voice on the other end freezes me the moment I recognize it. I can’t believe it. How did she get my number after all this time? I even changed it to get away from her!

“Ona, I just want to talk to you.”

“Leave me alone, Feli, damn it! How did you get my number?!”

"It doesn't matter. Just let me talk to you! I've changed! How many times do I have to tell you? I promise I won't hurt you anymore... I miss you, and I know you miss me too. What do I have to do to convince you to come back to me?"

I jump when a hand touches my shoulder. I relax when I see it's Lucy. I was so upset that I didn't hear her join me. I close my eyes for a moment to gather my thoughts. Feli keeps on with her spiel on the other end. I should answer her to get her off my back once and for all, but I don't have the strength to do it. The only thing I can do is hang up on her. Lucy seems to notice.

"Is there a problem?"

I hide my screen when I see her looking at it. I hope she didn't see anything. I don't particularly want to drag her into this.

"No, it's settled," I say, blocking the number.

"Alright... If you say so. Let's go then."

I glance at my phone one last time to make sure it's really over before following her to her car, where the couple is already waiting for us. It was more practical to take hers since we loaded it with our suitcases. I sit in the back with Alexia, and Jenni sits in the front with Lucy. We have to make a small detour to drop Jenni off at her apartment.

"I'm sitting in front!" I shout as soon as Lucy stops the car.

I'm the first to get out of the car. The others also get out to say goodbye to Jenni. Alexia goes last, taking her time to kiss her. While they finish, Lucy leans against the car next to me. She might not approve of their relationship, but she’s at least considerate enough to let them say goodbye. I sigh as I feel my phone vibrating again. Deep down, I hope it’s really Mapi this time, but I quickly realize it’s not when I see another unknown number. Knowing her, she probably got another phone. She doesn't even give me ten seconds to breathe before starting again. Over and over. The fifth time was the last straw. An inexplicable rage fills me, and before I realize what I'm doing, my phone bounces off the asphalt from the force of my throw before landing flat on its screen several meters in front of us.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Lucy scolds, surprised.

"Damn it," I mutter, realizing what I've just done.

I immediately rush over to check the damage, squatting down to examine my phone. I grimace when I see the screen shattered into a thousand pieces.

"Let me see."

I bite my lip as I look at Lucy, who has knelt down next to me. I hand it to her to examine for herself. I groan when I realize she can't get it to turn back on. Damn it, I've really messed up this time. I’ve always taken care to make sure nothing happened to it, and now it’s unusable in a split second.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on now?" Lucy snaps.

"Not here... Please."

"Fine. We’ll talk when we get to school then, and that’s non-negotiable."

She stands up first, preventing me from saying anything else. I sigh as I head back to the car. I briefly glance at Alexia, who silently asks me what just happened. I shake my head in response before getting back into the car. The girls quickly join me, and the drive is eerily quiet. Thankfully, there's music to fill the silence. I feel like Lucy is angry with me without knowing why. I keep glancing at her and notice her hands are clenched tightly around the steering wheel.

"Stop looking at me," she growls.

I sigh and decide to look away for the rest of the drive. It was the longest trip of my life. Engen was at the reception when we arrived. She lets us through and notes our arrival on a piece of paper. Lucy leads us to the back parking lot. When we get out, she opens the trunk, where Alexia retrieves her suitcase. I wanted to get mine, but Lucy stops me.

"Later. We need to talk first."

"Can I at least drop my things off in my room first?" I try to negotiate. "No...? Okay..." I add quietly when I see her stern face. "Fine..." I resign.

Alexia leaves without me when she realizes I’m not allowed to follow. As for us, we head toward the gym. A countless number of solutions run through my mind. She’s not going to punish me again, is she? I relax when she leads us to an office and not a sports hall as I expected.

"Why are we here?"

"To be more discreet. Unlike my office in the other building, the lights from the administration can’t be seen here."

I nod in understanding. It will certainly save her from answering questions the next day. She turns on the light before we sit down on the two visitor chairs in front of the desk. I would have preferred if she sat across from me. It’s much more intimidating to have her so close. She turns her chair so she can face me with her arms crossed. That’s not a good sign if she’s in that position. She must be irritated by something, but what? Not knowing why makes me even more nervous.

"Talk."

I take a deep breath, realizing she’s letting me speak. Damn, this is a really delicate situation. My fingers start fidgeting to distract myself.

"I don't know where to start," I admit.

"The beginning, and don't beat around the bush, please."

"Okay... Well... I think Feli is harassing me..."

My voice was just a barely understandable whisper at the end. I’m not even sure I understood myself. I don’t understand why I’m reacting like this. It’s not like I did anything wrong. Lucy frowns.

"What’s that mumble supposed to mean if you speak up and talk clearly?"

I sigh, looking away. I don’t like it when she makes me feel this uncomfortable.

"Hey, look at me," she orders, and I do so, albeit reluctantly. "I don't want to bother you by doing this, but it’s important to me to know what’s wrong in your life."

"It's ridiculous... I can handle it on my own..."

"Don’t let your lack of self-confidence speak for you," she scolds. "I’m here to help you, remember? And I will if I can do something about your problem. You won’t get into any trouble if that’s what you’re thinking."

Her words had the desired effect on me. My muscles relax, as if I’m laying down arms in a battle. I don’t like fighting with her because it reminds me of my early days here. I feel like I’m not doing what it takes to become who I was before. Telling her what’s happening can’t hurt, right...? I linger on her hand, which has just rested on my knee. I close my eyes tightly, fighting against myself.

"You're making progress, right?"

"Yes..." I exhale.

"Do you want to go back to how things were? Because that’s what you’re doing. You opened up to me and freed yourself from a burden. I know because otherwise you wouldn’t trust me. So why are you hesitating?"

I open my eyes to see her hand pressing on my knee. She’s pushing me toward relief.

"We both know you need someone to vent to. If I’m not the right person for you, then do it with someone else who can help. What’s most important to me is that you talk without feeling uncomfortable. Locking yourself up like this, without seeking a solution, is cowardly and will undo all the progress you’ve made so far."

Her words touch me so much that I’m on the verge of expressing everything through tears. I hold back, however, preferring to stay strong. I feel ridiculous. She just wants to help me, and in return, I still hesitate to trust her judgment. She’s proven time and time again that she’s a reliable person. I think what scares me the most is her reaction. I can already sense she’s irritated, and I don’t know how she’ll take the news.

"If it’s a trust issue or—"

"No," I interrupt her. "Please don’t think that because it’s not the case."

My interruption must have surprised her because she immediately fell silent. She nods softly.

"I’m sorry. It’s just that I’m always afraid of crossing one of your boundaries," she confesses.

"You’ve never had anything to apologize for, Lucy... It’s just that before being here, I never had anyone but Mapi by my side. She helped me, but she was far from having the same reactions as you. Yours scare me because I can never anticipate them, and I don’t know what you’re thinking."

"Alright..." she sighs. "You feel nervous because you sense I’m upset, is that it?"

"Yeah..." I reply after a slight hesitation, finally looking up. "I don’t like it when we argue, and that’s what will happen if we don’t agree."

"I’m angry because I feel this is important and you don’t realize it. If you did, you would have already told me when we spoke on the phone last week."

"What I told you that night has nothing to do with what I think now. I didn’t expect her to start again."

She frowns as I bite my lip. I can’t turn back now that I’ve started.

"If it’s what I think it is, I’m afraid it’s something more serious than you realize. I really want you to talk to me so I can be sure."

"Alright... I’ll talk..."

I take a deep breath to muster the courage. I can no longer look Lucy in the eyes. Deep down, I know she’s right, and I’m starting to fear her reaction. Knowing her, it will probably be drastic, and that’s scary.

"Explain it to me."

Her encouraging voice is soft, unexpectedly. It seems my behavior has calmed her. I nod gently and begin.

"W-when I went back home, Feli was desperate..."

My voice is trembling, and I can’t control it.

"No one ever knew I still had some contact with her... I was a junkie, but Feli was like another kind of drug for me... S-she made me dependent on her. S-she kept telling me I was nothing without her, that I would never achieve anything. T-that she was the only person who understood me..."

Tears well up in my eyes. Talking about it out loud brings me back to years ago.

"That’s not true. You know that now... Don’t you?" she asks, making me nod with difficulty.

"I-I had a hard time believing it... B-but yes, I know now..."

"She’s the one who destroyed your self-confidence," she sighs. "Believe me, you deserve much better than someone like her."

She reassures me, wiping away the tears that slipped down my cheek without my consent. I nod, trembling slightly. I pull myself together before continuing my explanation.

"Mapi found out one night when I was in the shower. She noticed the numerous messages she was sending me, and she immediately reported it to my mother. I was angry at her at first, even though I knew she just didn’t want to lose me again... I eventually realized she was messing with my head and that what she was doing was harassment... S-she didn’t stop. I had to block him on all my social media and change my number so she couldn’t contact me anymore..."

"And you’re saying she’s doing it again...? Is that why she drugged you? She wanted you to come back to her?"

« Y-yes... I-I thought telling her I didn't want anything to do with her anymore would be enough, but it seems like that's not the case..."

"How many times have you seen her recently?"

"T-twice. Once at that party where she drugged me, and the second time last week, the night I called you... Every time, she kept saying she missed me and wanted a second chance..."

"She hasn't tried to see you since then?" she asks.

I shake my head. I dare to look at her and see her running a hand through her hair. She looks even more irritated than before. I feel ashamed for having kept something like this from her.

"You should have told me about this a long time ago," she scolds me harshly. "This is serious stuff that shouldn't be taken lightly."

"I-I know, I'm sorry," I say sincerely. "Mapi thinks she's looking for me at parties. She goes to a lot of the ones she's at. I-I'd even bet she slept with Mapi's girlfriend on purpose just to hurt her. I didn't have the heart to tell her because I was afraid of hurting her, but I think she suspects it deep down."

"What happened that night that made you break your phone?"

"She somehow found my number, I don't know how, and started harassing me from multiple numbers within a quarter of an hour... I-I'm sorry, I just lost it. I-I didn't expect her to start up again..."

Lucy sighs in frustration while gently stroking my knee. Her touch is soft, in contrast to her deep voice that resonates in the room.

"That's clearly harassment, Ona. This is very serious. You should press charges against her before she goes too far."

"No! I don't want it to go that far. All I want is for her to leave me alone."

"I don't know your ex, but trust me, that might be the only way to get her to stop."

"I don't want to."

"Ona..." she sighs.

"I said no!" I persist.

For some reason, I just can't do that to Feli. Her past has never been great, but I'm not ready to send her to jail. Even after everything she's done to me, she was there for me for a long time. Maybe one day I'll be able to, but not now.

"Fine, but I won't let you set foot in Barcelona again."

My lips part at her unexpected decision. I don't even need to ask if she's joking, judging by the look on her face. Is she blackmailing me? I know her position as an instructor doesn't give her the right to forbid me from doing this, but she has influence over my weekend outings. She might even lie to keep me here.

"You're so wrapped up in your own world that you don't realize how serious this situation is. I won't let you go back home unless I know you're safe."

"Please, Luce, I've always come back, and there's never been any trouble."

"That was different. I would have thought twice if I'd known all of this. My decision is non-negotiable, and if you keep pushing, I'll be forced to talk to Wiegman."

"No, you can't do that!" I cry out. "I trust you!"

"This has nothing to do with trust, Ona ! To me, this girl is a dangerous psychopath. If you're not ready to take action against her, then I'll take action on your behalf, that's all."

I groan in frustration as I sink into the chair. I knew I wouldn't like her reaction, but forbidding me from going home? That's totally unexpected. I thought she'd be angry, but I didn't expect things to get so dramatic. Filing a complaint is still beyond me. My mom wanted me to do it back then, and I didn't. I hate to admit it, but I still care about her.

"Take your time to think about it. In the meantime, you won't be going home."

"This really isn't fair."

"If you keep complaining, you'll stay here alone instead of going back with me."

"Going back with you...?" I ask, confused.

I finally dare to look at her again and see her smiling softly at me.

"This situation isn't your fault... I said I wouldn't let you go home. But I didn't say you couldn't leave school... Since I promised to show you around the city, this could be a good opportunity."

"Oh... I thought you wouldn't do it."

"I will, but only if you get permission and I think you deserve it."

"So I won't be allowed to complain in that case...?"

"No," she smiles. "You'll have to be extra nice to me," she teases.

"I'll try," I say, rolling my eyes with amusement. "I really want that tour."

"I figured... Well, it's getting late. We should head back to our rooms."

"Yeah..."

Our conversation completely changed in a split second. I know she won't forget what she said, and she's only stopping because of the time. We put the chairs back in place, and she turns off the lights as we leave. We head back to her car, where we retrieve our things from the trunk. I remember at that moment that I have something that belongs to her.

"Wait."

"What?"

I put my suitcase on the ground to open it without spilling everything. Silly me, I put it at the bottom. Now I have to dig around to find it.

"What are you doing now?" she sighs.

"I didn't think it through," I chuckle. "Wait a minute."

I pull out her Christmas gift, trying not to mess up my suitcase. It's a bit tricky, but as long as I can close it again, I don't care.

"Well, I had to maneuver it a bit to fit it in the suitcase, but I managed. Mapi had a good laugh at me."

"What is it?" she frowns.

"Your Christmas gift, of course! Sorry, I ran out of wrapping paper and had to protect it somehow, so... here," I say, handing it to her.

I smile at her surprise. I watch as she takes the frame out of the bubble wrap. She frowns, not understanding my gift. I chuckle and come to her aid, unfolding the three square canvases I had fixed together with hinges to reveal the painting. It was supposed to be on a single vertical canvas, but I wouldn't have been able to transport it to Manchester that way. She smiles as she realizes what it is.

"It's the drawing from your sketchbook that I said I liked, right?"

"Yeah, but an improved version," I laugh.

I bought black canvases to paint a large dreamcatcher. In my sketchbook, it was done in pencil, but here I made it in rainbow colors, using mostly pale colors for the overall design and bright colors for the finishing touches. I finished it off with a white border and, of course, signed it with my name.

"You really didn't have to. It's beautiful. Thank you! You have such incredible talent. I'll hang it up when I get home," she smiles.

"It's nothing. It's all handmade."

She puts the painting back in her suitcase after wrapping it back in the bubble wrap. At least I was sure it wouldn't get damaged during the trip. I frown as she hands me a small box covered in wrapping paper.

"Since you gave me yours, it's time I give you mine."

"Really? I-I wasn't expecting anything..."

"Neither was I," she chuckles. "It's a Christmas gift, but also for your progress and because I really appreciate you, both as a student and as a friend."

My first instinct is to hug her. She laughs and returns the embrace. She then hands me my gift, and I take my time opening it. I feel like a little girl. The only gift I've received is the pendant from Mapi. My grandparents and my mom preferred to give me money since they don't necessarily know what I need. They'd rather I buy something I like than waste their money on something I might not use. I'm stunned when I see the ring. Not just any ring... the one I was looking at in the jewelry store. I don't even know how she knew it was the one. The price wasn't too steep compared to what a ring can cost, but still. She didn't hesitate to get it.

"You're crazy... How did you know it was the one?"

"You stared at it," she shrugs with a small smile. "Try it on to see if I got the right size. Otherwise, we'll have to go back together."

I slip it onto my right ring finger. I smile broadly as I extend my hand to admire my new ring, which fits perfectly. I play with it a bit to get used to it since I haven't worn one before. I move closer to Lucy to give her another hug, this time a thank-you hug.

"Thank you, really! I love it!"

"You're welcome. But it's getting late," she says, breaking the hug. "I don't want to make you miss curfew by staying here. We'll see each other tomorrow morning anyway."

"Will you check on us?"

"Of course, let's not break our habits."

"How long will you be my supervisor? I mean, I've calmed down, haven't I?"

I ask her as she closes the trunk. She locks her car before answering.

« Wiegman still thinks you're rebellious in class, and your frequent tardiness and poor grades haven't helped you much. I'll probably stay your supervisor for a little longer, maybe a month, or maybe less. It depends on how things go."

"So I should cause trouble to keep you as my supervisor?"

"I forbid you from doing that," she frowns. "You'll always have to deal with me, no matter what."

"Yeah, but others will be allowed to intervene."

"They know you're only going to listen to me, so don't worry about that."

I laugh, remembering the day Bright tried to deal with me. I had brushed her off without remorse, saying it wasn't her place. Sh was furious. I was lucky Lucy came along in time; otherwise, the situation would have escalated. We stop when we reach the spot between the two dormitories.

"Keep behaving well. You have your class council this week, and it's important. The comments count just as much as the grades for your wishes."

"I'm in deep trouble."

"Don't be so pessimistic, everything will be fine. Now go to bed, we'll meet tomorrow."

"Thanks for everything, Luce..." I say, playing with my ring. "Good night..."

"Good night, Ona."

I smile when she ruffles my hair before heading to her dorm. I watch her go inside before circling the building to reach the main entrance. I quickly make my way to my room, where Amexia is already in bed. At least I won't have to answer her questions. I grab some pajamas from my suitcase and head to the shower. I'll unpack tomorrow, given the late hour. When I finish showering, I go straight to bed. I'm so exhausted from the past few days that I fall asleep with no trouble at all.

[whysojiminimnida]

Remember When I Said Taehyung Might Not Be As Gay As We Thought?

Don't judge a man by his milfy wardrobe, he looks goooood.

It was... awhile ago. Maybe as far back as 2021 although I do not feel like link-searching it. It's in the archives if I didn't kill it.

Granted, there was a lot going on, then. There's still a lot going on and until now I had no desire to ever - EVER - return to this hellsite. Because Taekookers are fucking weird, yo. And some of y'all got a lil bit up in my shit too as I (fuzzily) recall. Which: it's whatever. I'm extremely unsocial, don't even answer my own DMs. And it's not personal, so I get it. I don't need or want to defend myself, but I will protect people I care about. With my absence, if necessary.

OT: I also totally kicked the big C while I've been out so that was nice. Yoongi the cat is pleased that his noms will continue uninterrupted. I will be in wigs for at least another year. It's all good. Oh LOOK at what we have here. Don't come at me for publishing this, I will explain.

I got it from actual media days ago, okay, and also: there was no expectation of real privacy. Keep reading. Or don't, I'm not telling you what to do.

ANYWAY. I had to come back, mainly to say TAENNIE IS REAL I TOLD Y'ALL IDK WHY NOBODY EVER BELIEVES ME BUT HERE WE ARE. I'm gloating. Honestly, it's so rude, I'd apologize if I cared. But I am rude and snorfling into my cheerios about this. Tae just made me so damn happy, is all.

LET THE MAN BE BI OR HETEROFLEXIBLE OR EVEN STRAIGHT IDC. Jennie clearly makes him happy. Look at his "I'm going to Paris to see my girlfriend" face!

And in that very specific jewelry look, no less. Foundrae. Again. Still. Hm.

Here's what I can tell you based on my limited third hand no sources no receipts this is probably utter bullshit usual disclaimer: It's a soft open, kids. This whole "oopsie we just so happened to get caught taking a lil walk in public with our managers in tow during which date at least one of us signed several autographs, what a surprise" is in fact a soft open for what will likely be a public confirmation PRETTY DAMN SOON. It might happen before I get this thing published, actually, depending on when I get it up. If it's before May 22 at noon my time, no idea. If after, well. Guess we'll see. Jennie's supposed to show up at the screening of HBO's The Idol that day, screening at the Grand Lumiere at 10:30 CEST. One wonders if she will arrive alone, or bring a plus one. It's a big ask, and if he does it they're probably getting married, that's how big a deal it would be. So I'm not holding my breath, but.

This seems like a reasonable prospect for a plus-one viewing. Might not be the only one but... Jennie's IN IT so.

I'M NOT SAYING THIS IS GONNA HAPPEN. I think it would be a fucking POWER move if it did, but I also do not necessarily expect that it will. It COULD. It... MIGHT. It might not. Either way they're a thing, I'm telling you. They are, have been, a thing. For awhile. And it is apparently quite serious - like up to and including talk of engagement serious.

Remember when a bunch of folk thought that one gummy bear dude was going to jail for "hacking" Jennie's phone only there's been no actual movement on any "investigation"? Yeah. Trickle truthing, they call it. Give 'em a little bit, let them deny it and yell and chew on it for awhile before you give 'em a little more. But c'mon, nobody's wearing half the love-themed couple pieces at Foundrae for no damn reason.

Seriously they got the whole collection almost and both have been seen wearing them almost exclusively. For a year.See airport pic above.

Look, I don't have inside info on Taehyung. I do not. I ain't hang with his friends and I don't know him personally. Never met the guy. But I know a PR move when I see one and this is exactly that.

We all know how toxic stan culture can be. Some ToadlicKKers (and a few of us house elves) are certifiably bonkers, if stan twitter is anything to go by. And the guys, the company, they expect a whole meltdown. They know this is not gonna make half their fans happy. I mean the tkkers have a point in that it looks like they wanted to be seen. BECAUSE IT'S A SOFT OPEN. What Taejen/Taennie/Jenhyung and the companies also know is that based on historic shipper behavior, this is gonna come back on Jimin, Jungkook, maybe Rose' and Lisa. And by extension, the other members. Maybe not as much due to their respective distance, but still. I bet by the time I finish this it will have already started.

Oh look there it is. Fuck those bitches, really.

Good LORDT. I'm not adding the audio, if y'all are that hungry for psycho hose beast Jimin hate hie thee to stan twt.

But, totally off-topic kinda...

... wouldn't it be cool if Jennie, who speaks great English, was hanging out with Troye Sivan and was like "so you know my boyfriend tells me that his bffs..." I'M JUST SAYING NETWORKING IS COOL AND FRIENDS OF FRIENDS GET THINGS DONE OKAY.

You know that girl has the scoop. If Tae knows it, she knows it. Oh heeeeyyy Troye.

Also OT: I love that Taekook have been hanging out a little more lately. It's refreshing. I genuinely think having Jennie in his life has been good for Tae in several ways. And you know, I'm kinda surprised Taennie has lasted this long. I didn't honestly think they would. It warms my decrepit, sad old heart a bit. Turns out I have a lot more to say so IDK IDK, if I feel okay about it I might be back. Right now I'm just waiting for the official Taennie nod and the continued total meltdown.

[ellesthots]

Fateful Beginnings

XXI. “belonging”

parts: previous / next

plot: somehow, you always find your way back home. Batman gets an intriguing lead on John Doe.

pairing: battinson!bruce wayne x fem!reader

cw: 18+, dead body, cancer, confrontation, depression

words: 3.2k

Tears studded your cheeks as you vented to Mar about the morning's happenings. She'd never liked Dr. Vry, and at some point the conversation had exploded into a rant about the subpar character of the woman. "Remember when she accidentally input my A as a C and told me 'fate' must have guided her grade input? Then didn't fucking change it because of fucking, written in the stars bullshit? Fucking tanked my GPA."

"I just don't get it. The email said nothing about him, she said nothing about reporting on him besides being excited he would be there." You collapsed flat on your back in a starfish pose. "It was like she expected me to be starstruck by him or something. Like that was the only course of action." Like everyone else seems to be. The world caters to flashy, superficial things.

"Fuck her! You don't need her!"

You stared at her blankly for a moment. "Except for my housing, my food, my plane tickets back home?"

"How much an hour is it? Like $15?"

"$43."

"Oh fuck, in this economy you should've said you'd suck his dick, too."

Maybe you were spending a little too much time with her. "I feel like alluding to me doing anything with that man should be a crime." You flopped back on your bed and checked the time--it was barely past noon. You hadn't even managed to be at the job until the afternoon... shame threatened to cocoon you faced with such obvious failure. At this point you remembered the check Dr. Vry had sent would arrive today, and a few minutes later you sat inputting the code you'd been mailed to your digital check.

You spent the next twenty minutes listening to Mar continue to rant while you ordered some groceries. By that point she'd gotten a text from one of her friends for their Friday night bar hangout and had dismissed herself, leaving you tethered to your house as you waited to stock your fridge. You watched out the window as she got into an Uber, and after she was gone for sure, and just as the check deposited, you called your mom. Moreso even than the likely imminent firing, the stress of her health threatened to spiral you off the deep end. She picked up on the third ring. She sounded tired.

"Hey, hun." She cleared her throat, then yawned. You heard a small buzzing sound in the background, then heard a small meow. Another night he spent purring and cuddling her. Thanks, Walter. God, you were so glad she had him. "Everything alright? The photos you sent of your apartment were really good, I showed them to Debbie and she couldn't believe it! 'In GOTHAM?' is what she told me!"

To tell or not to tell about the troubles this week held? She yawned again. Not the time. "You sound tired." Your grip tightened around the phone.

She sighed. "My doctors moved my appointment to six thirty in the morning, can you believe that?" She tsk-d.

"How'd the appointment go?"

"Oh just fine. I had to sign a bunch of paperwork and talk to practically everyone in the place." She sounded bored and vaguely annoyed, which she hadn't been before. Irritability a potential side effect?

"Did the shot hurt?" Small talk, but what else was there to discuss? Your likely firing?

"Nope." She began cooing to Walter, who became exponentially louder with his purr.

"How's your arm? Any side effects yet?" God, why did things feel so dry today? Did Gotham really create so much distance already between you and your family? Were you just anxious and overthinking? Was she annoyed?

"My my, they must have you busy with interviewing skills."

You opened your mouth to respond, but she questioned you instead. "When are you coming back hon?"

This question confused you. "Uh, whenever you need me to, but I thought starting next month? For the injections?" You twirled with a frayed end on your blanket. Can I still return this? It's been like a week and it's already tearing apart... she snapped you out of your wandering with her next sentence.

"Sure, your dad and I are going on a cruise this week."

A cruise? Right after her first dose of an experimental cancer drug? With unknown side effects? "Mom, your treatment,"

"Oh we'll only be gone a week. Won't interfere with my next appointment." Walter meowed again. Who would be taking care of him?

"I mean, okay. I just think with not knowing the side effects of your first dose,"

"The way I see it dear is this might be the best I ever get to feel."

That sentence hit like a ton of bricks atop bruised ribs. "Couldn't you wait a week, just see the side effects?"

"The cruise leaves the port tomorrow."

"Mom,"

"We still can't believe that donor. Whoever they are, they really opened our finances up. Your father's been saving for years to try and make that initial bulk payment,"

You recalled the argument they'd had when your mother's cancer was initially found. Your mom wanted to start a payment plan immediately, but your dad thought if he put it into deferment for a few years and made payments to a high yield savings account every month their money would 'go exponentially further'. You hadn't cared much at the time, mostly because money stressed you the hell out, and at the time you were trying to avoid thinking about your mother's prognosis. Before you could decide what to say next, your dad had walked into the room and starting shouting loud enough for you to hear on the phone.

"Hey sweets, how are you and that Wayne guy doing?"

"I don't know how else to tell you guys I don't like him. We don't talk." This conversation was going nowhere, and you could smell an impending argument if you stayed on even another minute. You needed to check on one last thing before hanging up. "Who's looking after Walter?"

"Oh don't worry about that,"

"I am worried. Do you need me to come back to watch him?"

"Debbie will be stopping in throughout the week to check on him."

Walter was never very fond of Debbie; whenever she came over, in fact, he ran and hid. If you knew Debbie any less you might think Walter was placing judgment on her character, but no: she was just very loud, her laugh sounding a bit like a stampede. Walter was never very skittish, but after enough startles, he'd come to hide whenever he heard her come around. His discomfort was all you needed. "Tell her not to come, I'm coming home for the week."

"Hon," your mom began to chastise you, but you refused to let her finish. "No, no, I'm coming home tomorrow and I will stay with him. Case closed." After saying goodbye and lying about having already bought a nonrefundable ticket, you hung up and bought the earliest flight for tomorrow: 11am. You did your best to avoid thoughts of how the thousand Dr. Vry had sent was already disappearing, and filled the rest of your evening (sans figuring out what to do with fresh bags of perishable groceries) packing to head back the next day.

The bat signal hadn't lit since Thursday night. Bruce had been left reeling, kicking himself for not following up with Gordon on the owl debacle. He went out every night, and every few hours would move to the usual meeting place with Gordon to find an empty sky. It was Wednesday night before the signal lit again, and by that point Bruce had nearly gaslit himself into thinking the owls hadn't been there in the first place.

Gordon looked morose, but resolved. "We have the autopsy back for our John Doe." He held up a graphic photo of the man, gray and laid out on stainless steel. His chest and abdominal cavities were peeled open and pinned to keep tension, revealing a normal—yet punctured—chest and abdomen. Gordon confirmed its complete lack of novelty. "Nothing. Couldn't even trace back a name. No one posting about a missing husband, child, brother, nephew, friend." He paused to clear his throat. "However, we did find something unusual in one of his fillings."

"Unusual? How?"

"The coroner said he almost didn't catch it, but he runs the deceased through an MRI machine after especially gruesome cases. Normally fillings don't show up on magnets, but these ones did." He held out his other hand, revealing a few small pieces of chipped silvery metal. The metal was extremely slick and had a mirror finish to its shine. "It's a metallic alloy of sorts. I'll send it to the lab for processing."

He nearly asked to take it back to his own lab, but that would pressure the boundaries. Gordon was in a tight spot being seen with Batman. He couldn't push it. "How long until it's processed?"

Gordon shrugged, his nose scrunched like he was still smelling formaldehyde's stench. Bruce thought he might've caught a whiff off his jacket. "Not more than a coupla days. I'll signal for you." If the city was in a better place, if Gordon was in a better mood, he might have winked.

The pause gave Bruce just enough time to speak. He said it casually, without much fuss, as if it were a rolling breeze. "Did you see what was on the knives' handles?"

Gordon sighed. A good one? A bad one? Bruce's eyes trained on him like a hawk. The cowl felt tight. "Chicken scratch, most of 'em."

"Most?" Say more.

"No traceable logo."

Frustration bled into his tone. "Looked like an owl."

Gordon's eyes focused on no particular point on the back wall, his eyes narrowing. What? He saw it too, right? pounded against his ribs to be heard. After what felt like hours Gordon shook his head. "Maybe."

"Maybe?" Was this an elaborate scheme? Did Gordon not see it? Was his, was his mind failing him? It glinted off the light perfectly, the etching was transparent in its shape, the beak, the feathers, the claws...

"You alright?" The Bat was lost in thought, breathing thick and heavy. Bruce nodded. To push, or not to push? Silence hung like smog between them. It was crucial to push it, imperative to reality check his mental faculties. "It didn't resemble an owl to you?"

Gordon shrugged. It gave no information to Bruce, who was close to running out of the room and laying face-down in his pillow the rest of the night while he actively avoided looking further into the death of his great-grandfather. Was his time coming sooner than his had? Was it due to his lack of sociability? Had he been concussed one too many times? His neuronal pathways seized up, the myelin sheaths disintegrated?

"Do you know anything about owls?"

Did Gordon know? Was this a trick question? Wait, he wasn't Bruce. He considered saying he'd seen them in peculiar position throughout town, but moreso than Gordon's rocky relationship with the police force, the man had no idea who Batman was; Bruce had to keep exclusively to formidable behavior due to the weakness of the knot tying them together. A kooky moment, or a Freudian slip could force Gordon to take out some scissors and sever their relationship. Bruce shook his head, and left.

Uber. TSA. Flight. Baggage. Uber. Key. Door. Lock. Walter. Eat. Sleep. Walter. Eat. Sleep. Walter. Eat. Sleep. Walter. The past few days had passed in such inconsequential monotony you resisted the conclusion you weren't alive at all. The only moments of reprieve you gathered were when Walter walked up and jumped into bed beside you, tucking his fluffy back against your stomach. He was the only reason you were able to sleep with the anxiety of your job being in limbo, and your mom having fled the town after her first shot. Your mom had left a note saying that the connection would be spotty on the cruise, but they would be back no later than 5pm the following Friday. Now it was Wednesday, and the food your parents had left was starting to dwindle. Your muscles ached to be moved further than the walk from your bed to the bathroom, your bed to the kitchen, or your bed to the living room couch. You put another ice cube into Walter's bowl, grabbed your helmet that was thankfully still in the hallway closet, and took off for a ride to the grocery store on your mom's old bike.

The air was warm, and the sun threatened to burn every centimeter of exposed skin. You'd forgotten just long enough that the stinging sensation was of hot sun piercing onto skin to where you decided against going back for SPF. You didn't have to worry about such basic, human things in Gotham; the sun barely came out, and when it did it was covered by such dense clouds and thick smog you couldn't begin to feel heat against your skin whatsoever. The buildings were hard and cold, the dense metal keeping you chilled no matter the season. Now the sun accosted you, the wheels of the bike running over fresh leaves and the occasional string of hay. You swerved past clumps of clay dirt that lay in the middle of the road, shut your eyes for a few seconds as you coasted, not having to look out for a pedestrian or car every five feet. This was living, this was where you wanted to be. Tears prickled your eyes as you coasted into the dusty parking lot of WinCo, a local grocery store chain to the PNW. You forgot a bike lock, but the city was small and trusted enough that you never heard about bikes getting stolen, anyway. The initial panic was immediately eased, as well as the tight knot in your chest. Maybe you belonged... here?

You walked into the grocery and went straight for the fruit aisle. As you placed apples and oranges and pears in your basket, you absentmindedly flipped through the past. When you were growing up here, it was too boring. You'd wanted nothing more than to leave. You wanted to see skyscrapers, and big cities, and always have something happening around you. Now that you had experienced the worst of what a city could give, this town with its penetrating sun and lofty trees felt like paradise. A paradise that was quickly interrupted, when you accidentally knocked baskets with Lara. "Oh shit,"

"Y/N?" She pulled her basket in and glanced to her left, at someone who you presumed was her exchange boyfriend. She stared at your shoes, you noticed her cheeks going pink. Tension yanked on your shoulders and your stomach flipped. "Hi. I'm watching Walter while my parents are on a cruise."

"No longer in Gotham?" Her boyfriend turned around when she mentioned The Most Feared City, and walked over. "Gotham? That shitshow? I don't know how anyone can live there."

Fucking prick. A strange defensiveness overtook you. "It's not as bad as people make it out to be." Yes it was. "I'm just visiting home, I have a journalism job back there."

"How's Bruce Wayne?" Her tone was mocking, quite unlike Lara, and you figured it had to be Rose and Gabbi's bitter influence in the time you'd been gone that brought this upon her. Mystery Man's eyes lit up, one of the buttons on his shirt threatened to pop like the bulgy vein in his forehead. "You know Bruce Wayne? The Bruce Wayne?"

"She knows him, alright." She side-eyed the guy and giggled. He laughed, which was startling, and shame bolted through your body like a sticky, sharp rod. He leaned into her ear and said, still loud enough for you to hear and likely purposely so, "Her?"

Before shame could fully envelope you, you righted the wrong; in part because the idea of someone believing Bruce had been inside you made you want to sink into the floor, in another wanting to assuage yourself of guilt. "We haven't fucked. Sorry. I was just trying to get back at losers I thought were my friends."

Lara gasped. "I can't believe you!" It rung hollow in your ear just as Dr. Vry had. If someone put their hand over your head they'd feel steam. "You didn't used to be like this, it's fucking disappointing." You spun around and ignored what she was saying behind you, shoving your feet against the ground, making your calves burn with each grief-consumed footstep. It doesn't matter what they think. It doesn't matter what she's saying. Soon enough you made it across the store to the pantry aisle, pretending to inspect some cavatappi noodles in your quivering hands. The cardboard soaked up your bulleted tears, and you tossed it in your basket after catching a glimpse of your reflection in the boxes' plastic window. You fell to your knees and covered it up pretending to inspect the marinara, not trusting your thighs or knees to keep you steady. Everything hit you all at once, panic rising in your chest and narrowing your esophagus. You grabbed a random sauce and ran to the self checkout, ringing up your two items, grabbing a bag, and taking off for home.

The ride home wasn't as quaint as the one there. The sun wasn't at your backside, now it seared into your bleary eyes as it set, making you unable to see a rock in the road, sending you flying overtop the handlebars. When you touched your knees and elbows, they stung and stained your fingertips red. The last ten minutes of the walk was utter misery, as blood dribbled slowly down your knees and down to your wrists. Walter meowed when you came back, but you couldn't pet him. You turned the water as cold as you could manage to wash away the cakey blood and dirt. Your hands hesitated before lathering the shampoo, and when they scrubbed the back of your head you began to cry again. Your face was hot and your body ice cold. You sat on the floor, pulled your knees up, and wrapped your hands around your chest as sobs shrieked out of you. The water ran pink, then pastel, then clear. Being alive hurt. The thought pounded at the back of your corneas, chafed blisters between your thighs, and spiked the ridges in your throat, that you might never, ever, feel "home". Walter meowed at the door, you turned off the shower, and toweled off to open another can of Friskies.

[thedo0zyslider]

Kisses And Holes - 2K Words

Oli has some work to do in Pix's hole, and it goes a little differently then expected.

A03 Link

Oli has a job to do in Pixlriff’s hole.

Not in that way though, that would be a weird thing to start off with. He has a job to do in an actual hole, the bloody big one Pixl is digging out for his project. That hole. Anyone else who thought otherwise needed to get their head out of the gutter, really!

The blonde hummed as he made his way over to his friends base, pickaxe being twirled in his hands idly. He had a vague idea of what he was being asked to do —which was dig—but other than that Oli hadn’t been given many directions. All Pixl had told him was to show up, preferably around noon, and then he would be put to work. It was the wink that had gotten Oli a little curious and excited about this whole ordeal. And just a little nervous as well. For all he knew, Pix had tricked him into mining twenty thousand blocks. Or something else that’s absolutely insane like that.

He gets there quicker than expected. And also without dying or taking much damage, something also unexpected. Oli didn’t have a track record for avoiding either, a few deaths under his belt and the man constantly finding some way to lose hearts. But it seems like today is his lucky day in that regard. The blonde reaches the hole totally unscathed, and circles the area a few times until he sees a familiar spot of blue standing somewhere inside the giant thing.

“Pixlriffs!” He calls out jovially, spotting the man a little ways off, standing in the shallower part of the pit. “My sweet boy!” The man turns his head back in surprise, and a big smile stretches across Oli’s face when their eyes meet; and Pix’s light up upon seeing him.

“Oli! Hello!” He calls back just as happily, watching as the bard makes his way to him; having to parkour on a few things to do so. The hole is a bit of a mess, a bunch of makeshift exists and uneven spaces being dug out, so traversing it is a bit of a hazard. But still, Oli manages to do it, and is standing in front of his friend just as quick as he’d arrived.

“I’m here as requested!” Oli says with a smile, twirling his pickaxe in the air a bit. He would throw it, but he’s not too sure he could catch it. And Oli would like to not die anymore, since Pix using a fate coin on him is what landed him this job in the first place. And he doesn’t want more hours of labor, even if Pix is good company. He has logs to sell and hogs to keep safe! Also, dying by pickaxe would be embarrassing, and he doesn’t even want to know what that chat message would look like.

“Ah, you’re here to pay me back? Like I requested?” Pix almost purrs the sentence out, and, surprisingly, reaches out to tilt the blonde's chin up just a tad. The blonde feels the way his breath hitches, and then Pix’s hand is gone before he can fully process it was there. Or before he can lean into, like he kinda wants to do. Only kinda though, not a lot. He totally doesn’t want to lean into it that much…

“Yep! That's what I'm here for!” Oli says, giving a quick salute. He briefly feels his cheeks heat up, and ignores it. There’s no time for blushing, not when he has work to do! Hours and hours of very important work to do! No time for all of that indeed…

“Good, good!” Pix says, his joyful tone from earlier returning, and the sultry one disappearing into nowhere just as quickly as it had appeared from nowhere. (Oli doesn't think he’s ever heard Pix sound like that before, and he can’t say he’s really against it…it’s quite nice on the ears, and makes him feel all fluttery inside, just a bit…) “I just want you to dig out a chunk, the one over there preferably.” The brunette hums, pointing at little ways off, at a part of the hole that had yet to be touched by many human hands. Expect Pix’s, when he’d needed to chop off the first handful of layers of course.

“I can do that in like, two hours tops!” Oli nods, looking at the area. A chunk sounds like a lot of space to dig out, and certainly looks like it too, but it can’t be too hard! Not with Oli and his master digging skills on the case, it can’t be that hard indeed.

Pix raises an eyebrow, and gives a rather disbelieving huff. Which is bloody rude of him, that is. “All the way to bedrock?” He asks, playfully nudging Oli in the side. The blonde promptly ignores the way his skin seems to burn at the contact.

“Of course!” He says, the confidence very loud in his voice and also very false. He’s pretty sure he can’t get all that done in two hours, maybe a half of it if he’s lucky. And also fast enough. But he’d said he could, he’d committed. And Oli was nothing if not committed to all his bits. And he means all of them.

“Okay then, whatever you say.” Pix sounds greatly amused at his enthusiasm, and maybe even laughs a little bit. “I'll check up on you in an hour or so?” He asks, giving Oli an encouraging clap on the back. And a strong clap too, bloody hell.

“That sounds alright!” Oli confirms with a nod, and Pix gives him another string clap on the back. Once again, he ignores how he blushes and becomes pink at even the slightest contact. The two of them exchange a few words of goodbyes, and then Oli is descending into his friend’s hole, pickaxe in hand and ready to pay Pix back sufficiently; however long that may take. He did have quite a bit to dig, after all.

An hour later, Pix goes to check on Oli. Maybe remove him from his hole while he’s at it, depending on how much of the chunk he’d mined out. Maybe make him stay a bit longer, if Pix feels like he hasn’t been properly paid back. Not that’d he really do that, more so joke about it to see what his friend’s reaction would be. Other than whine and complain. The whining and complaining was guaranteed, It was, rather endearingly, the blonde’s favorite thing to do.

When he gets there, the chunk is not halfway done. Like it should be if Oli could truly do this in two hours, since half of that time is up. Instead only about a third of it is gone, and there’s still clearly a long way down to go. Pix shakes his head at that, a smile gracing his lips despite himself, and he goes to find wherever this fool is digging.

His friend isn’t in eyesight, but there is a small hole leading down. And by small he means like, two by two blocks small. He assumes this must be Oli’s method of digging, whatever it is, and that his friend is maybe hopefully down there. So he cups his hands over his mouth, and hopes his poor miner boy hasn’t gone missing by the time he yells down.

“Oli?” Pix calls down, able to hear his voice echo off the cave’s walls. It takes a moment for his friend to answer back, but his voice is loud and booming once he does.

“Pix! Has it been an hour already!” The blonde calls back up, his voice similarly echoing off the walls. He sounds just as cheery as when he started, if not significantly more worn out. Which serves him right, for all that misplaced confidence earlier, Pix thinks playfully.

“It has!” Pix responds, glad he was right, and that the blonde hadn’t vanished into the vortex that was his base. He didn’t want to add another, more human grave, to his tool graveyard. “You can come up now! You’ve paid me back enough!” He decides the poor guy has done enough digging already, especially under the midday sun, and that this is enough to let him go. Even if it’s so much less than he claimed he could dig.

“Great!” Oli calls back, a speck of his blonde hair now coming within eyesight. Good, he’s not too far down then. “Can I have some help getting outta here!?” That sounds like a bit of whining, something Pixl was fully expecting, and he prepared himself for some silly rant about how horrible his hole was or whatever when the blonde made it back into the open air.

“Of course! I’ll make a staircase!” The brunette calls back, giggling at the whoop of triumph that comes up from the mine. Though, rather comically, as soon as he starts digging the temporary staircase down, his shoe slips on some loose pebble or something. And Pix is sent plummeting straight down into his own hole; landing straight on his rear. There’s a shrill, startled scream, no doubt from the other person stuck down here, and Pix soon finds himself standing up rather disordented, and surrounded but nothing by walls of gray and the occasionally splash of color that is the man in front of him.

Oli makes a startled yelp when he stands, their chests now pressed firmly against each other. Pix is pretty startled as well, and also decently bruised from the fall. But it comes out as a small noise in the back of his throat, the other half of his brain focused on how…close he and Oli now are. How their bodies are flushed right against each other….how close their faces have ended up. It’s an effort to draw his thoughts away from that, to not stare, and refocus himself. Which he does, after probably a few awkward seconds of nothing, most likely. Oli blinks back up at him, all wide eyed like a little owl, and he just can’t help but poke a bit of fun at him in the moment.

“Pretty close there, aren’t we?” Pix says, teasingly. He’s still flustered, sure, but there’s a laugh bubbling up in his chest. Of course they would get stuck in this position, by some number of mistakes and coincidences. Only the two of them could, really.

“It’s a two by two space.” Oli mutters, all the usual spunk gone from his voice. It’s been replaced by something softer, something more embarrassed. One might even call him… flustered by their proximity. Pix feels himself go a little wide-eyed at the realization, and quickly tries to focus on something else; as a distraction. So at least one of them is composed enough to dig them out of here.

He fumbles with his hands for a moment, unsure of what to do with them. Naturally, there’s not a lot of wiggle room down here, leaving them in an uncomfortable position and not a lot of better options. Though, after a few seconds, he ended up placing them gently on Oli’s hips, not seeing a much better option than that. Even if it made their position a lot more…… intimate than it had already been before.

“Really? My hips?” Oli snorts, amused. And also blushing more, pretty noticeably too. Pix tries his hardest not to think about how cute that is, as he has been doing all day.

“It’s either that or I pin you to the wall.” Pix says, a small smirk forming on his face as he speaks. This is an awful predicament to tease the blonde in, but he really can’t help himself today. “Unless you're into that-”

Oli cuts him off with a shriek, one loud enough for anybody above ground to hear. “PIX!” His face looks like a tomato, that’s how red it is. The man is blushing so hard he’s gone and turned into a fruit. A pretty cute fruit, if you ask Pixl anyways.

The brunette can’t help the small laughing fit that hits him, all set off by the smallest of giggles bubbling past his lips. He laughs, again and again, until he’s giggling so hard he has to lean down and press their foreheads together. Oli stares up at him the whole time, seemingly mesmerized, all the way until Pix stops giggling. And when the brunette opens his eyes again, he’s met with starstruck hazel eyes and flushed cheeks, a sight that makes him feel starstruck right in return.

“You’re quite pretty, you know that?” Oli mutters, moving their faces a bit closer despite his embarrassment. His gaze is also not so discreetly flicking downwards, at a certain man’s lips. It’s getting very distracting, that's for sure, and putting a lot of thoughts in that certain someone’s head. Thoughts that you probably shouldn’t be thinking when stuck in a hole with your close friend who you’re maybe also a little into.

Pix feels himself go a little breathless at that, and a red flush starts to coat his own cheeks. “Thanks.” He mumbles, quiet, not needing to be any louder. They were now far too close for that, after all. There’s some sort of delicate peace settling over the two men as well, something warm and familiar, and he doesn’t particularly want to shatter it.

Oli presses bumps their noses together, hazel eyes meeting blue ones in quite the romantic moment, if Pix says so himself. “Are we about to kiss?” The blonde mutters, sounding a little cheeky when he does. A little proud of himself too. Pix wants to wipe that slightly smug look off his face, and can think of many ways to do it at the moment, in the position they're currently stuck in.

“If you want too..” He says, feeling a fond smile dance across his lips. Pix knows he wants to kiss Oli, has for some time now. And yet, despite all his friend’s blushing, is not sure if the feeling is mutual. Though he’s in luck today it seems, because Oli smiles back something warm, and the brunette thinks his heart melts instantly upon the sight of it, right then and there in the terrible two by two hole they're stuck in.

“Mm, good, because I do.” Oli mumbles, and then he’s hesitantly leaning forward the rest of the way. Pix decides to meet him in the middle best he can. Their lips crash together rather eagerly, and he tightens his grip on the blonde’s waist. In some attempt to move him closer, if that’s even possible anymore, of it every part of them that can be touching already is.

Pix hums into the kiss he's given, Oli’s hand cupping his cheek gently. It’s a pretty nice kiss by all standards, and especially by his own. The kiss tastes pleasantly sweet, like strawberries and sugary sakura. It’s what Pix imagines the color pink itself would taste like, if colors could be tasted. Which is fitting, since the man he’s kissing is dressed from head to toe in a light shade of the color, and built everything with it too.

When they pull away, the both of them are a little breathless. Oli looks up at him, incredibly fond as he catches his breath. A fond smile is undoubtedly stretched across his face, and he softly thumbs the brunette’s cheek. Pixl feels himself flush, and knows the look on his face is reflecting the same amount of fondness.

“So, how are we gonna get out of here?” He asks, leaning into the other’s hand. He barely resists the urge to twist his head, and place a delicate kiss on Oli’s palm. But he resists, mostly because he likes being held this way. Though he figures after today, there will be plenty of time to do that.

“I dunno…” Oli hums, feigning thoughtfulness for only a few seconds. He gets straight to what he wants pretty quickly, not being shy about it anymore. Though he’s still blushing like he is, and looking all cute while doing it. “….Do you wanna do that, or kiss me again?”

Pix also fakes thoughtfulness for a second, and hums as if considering his options. Even though he’d have to be insane to turn down that offer, and he’s pretty sure the blonde knows that as well. “I think I’ll be taking the second kiss.”

“Good choice.” Oli puffs, then goes to kiss him again. Pix smiles into it once more, no longer caring that they’re cramped in his hole together. Not when the man in front of him is this wonderful and pretty, and when the kisses he gives taste so sweet. The sweetest he thinks he’s ever had.

[oldladynerd]

Well fuck.

Just need a little self pity session here. Feel free to ignore. And yes, I'm fully aware others have it worse. Like my child currently in a bipolar depressive episode of more than a year.

I'm not totally sure what's going on. Maybe a regular depression despite medication. Maybe some sort of burn out. Just mostly paralysed, sitting in my sofa corner. Occasionally crying, but mostly numb. Or anxious and quiet.

Went home from work before noon on Monday. Tried going back on Thursday, but left after half the day. Managed to get some things done, which didn't require much thinking, but as soon as I needed to make decisions, I was out. Complete nope.

Maybe the little things were adding up? The inspection at work (I was in the back office pulling out data and documents, never had to front), which went super well. A bunch of evaluations I need to do, which are not showing a tidy picture. Bunch of configuration changes that need approval before doing them. Worry about my (grown up, moved out and engaged) child (but bipolar). Shame about not keeping in touch with dad much. Gaining weight. 2 kg in about a month is a bit much. Aches and pains, although right now that's better. High blood pressure. Maybe it's all menopause? And shame over not quitting cigarettes. Most days, 3. On a bad day up to five cigarettes. It's not a lot. I should be able to quit. But am lacking willpower.

I do have a psychiatrist appointment next week, at the adhd clinic, because at my last request for renewing my antidepressants they realised it's been 3 years since i saw someone. Will bring up that list of signs of autistic shut down, where I checked off more than half. Might look at autistic burn out too, since this is slower than immediate shut down. Maybe ask for some adhd medication, I stopped methylphenidate abruptly because of blood pressure after a year, and have no adhd meds since then. My evaluation five years ago showed tendencies of autism, but not enough for diagnosis.

I also have an appointment with the GP, the week after next. Will try to remember all my physical issues then. Maybe hormones might help.

Oh well. I shall survive, for sure. It would be nice to feel a little happier though. The occasional moment of joy.

[dollsonmain]

omg

Another chaotic day, but chaotic in a different way.

She added even more tasks to my morning which I don't appreciate. I already struggle to get anything done.

Right when I discovered that the reason the floor in the cooler has been sticky is because someone spilled a whole gallon of milk in there and never told anyone, which of course I was told to clean up because I work there, and it was horrible because it already was stinky and clumpy, and I only had like 20 minutes left before it was time to go, a customer dropped a Monster and it exploded covering two whole panels of products.

The milk spill was in THE most inconvenient place in that furniture will have to be moved, the 20 foot floor mat will have to be pulled out and hosed down, then let to dry, and I physically just fucking can't especially in only a half an hour.

And the Monster Mangler was so sorry. He was like "Um..... I'll pay for that uh..." and I was like "Nah, man, that sort of thing happens." He didn't break anything, he just made everything sticky.

Then she gave me Tasks and I tried to find the sausage patties, looked right at the box, and didn't see it because it was well past Eat Time but I didn't get eat time because I was only scheduled 5 hours today, and both my blood sugar and pressure were dropping and I saw something entirely different in that box. I saw bread rolls.

I'm actually still not convinced that box isn't full of bread rolls.

So I don't know.

And like... The whole cooler needs to be dumped out and hosed down. It's disgusting in there. There's stinky milk, there's mold, there's soda spilled, there's Monster...

And she's like Ok do Task when I had like 10 minutes left which is when I should be counting my drawer and doing my dishes, and Task, which I guess I'm the official sandwich maker now and I do not like that I hate making food and it's such a pain because I have to take the gloves on and off to ring up customers and I get stuck in the gloves because my hands sweat.

I think I need to take some simple cotton gloves to wear under the work gloves maybe. I do have a bunch of those somewhere.

And it's just the same shit you can buy at Walmart and put together yourself and you're just paying like 400%. Because I made it.

Like....

You get one sub roll, 3 thin slices of cheap turkey sandwich meat, and 2 slices of even cheaper American cheese for $5.

The "Cold Cut Sub" is literally a sub roll, 2 slices of Oscar Mayer Bologna, and 2 slices of American cheese.

...

And I just.... I hate making this shit.

But that's apparently my job, now, even though I didn't retake the food handler's course and didn't apply for sandwich lady.

It was already half an hour past when I was supposed to leave, and I still had to tally my drawer, which I couldn't because I couldn't count anymore, because the sugar.

And I also don't get to pee which is bad because of my kidneys. Which is isn't that I'm not allowed to go pee it's just that I don't get a chance. I'm the only one on the floor. So it'd been from about 5:30 since That Guy was able to drive me to work this morning, until like.... noon, until I got to pee and that didn't smell great which is a bad sign. I have to monitor the smell of my pee for kidney infection smells.

I'm chugging water rn to flush everything out.

And it EXTRA sucks because I wanted to go to town this weekend to go to Goodwill and get a keychain bracelet thing or a lanyard for the store key so I can better keep track of it until I give it back to Manager when she gets back from her trip week after next, but I can't do that because That Guy took the car for the weekend. He'll be home Sunday.

So.

I can't do that until Sunday evening or Monday after work at least.

I have fewer hours next week. I guess in case no one else is in the store to give me a chance to go eat at lunch time. Manager said her sister will try to be there when I get there in the morning but there's no guarantee, and the way she's setting things up it sounds like she half expects her sister to not show up at all. Their dad, the owner, tends to show up around my lunch time but doesn't get on the floor. He does admin stuff in the office while he has his breakfast.

Multiple of my fingernails split so I have to cut them all off again.

I'm so.

I'm

tired

[lilacella]

For the fanfic writer ask game!

🚀🎯💘🔮💡

Thank you so much for these fun questions 🥰🥰

🚀 Do you like to outline your fic first or create as you go?

It's a mix of both. I usually have a rough outline, especially for multi-chapter works where I draft what to put in which chapter, but then I just go with the flow. Sometimes I add a bunch of things and then the plot takes a completely different direction 😂 But I believe this is how most people write?

🎯 Do you have a writing milestone you’re working towards?

I suppose this means creating some huge fic or something? I don't think I have something like that. I am pretty unambitious, because if I make big plans they stress me out and then I just stop writing 🫠🫠 I am a potato in a pressure cooker!!

💘 Is it easier to write angst or fluff?

Hmm. I think fluff in oneshots and angst in longer works. It is hard to uphold fluff for long before it gets boring and while it is possible to make short stuff angsty, I actually find it hard to write a well rounded angsty story in a short work.

🔮 Any advice for writers working through burnout or writer’s block?

Lower your standards. Like, throw them on the ground and bury them under the floorboards. Write for personal fun and only that. Write with the purpose to show NOONE but yourself! Write the shitty draft! As sloppy and shitty as you can!

You will likely find that your "bullshit dump" is a lot better than you thought and only needs some polishing before it is absolutely fine to publish!!

Also: Write what you personally like. If you feel like you cannot write another single *insert shipname* get together fic, but that is what your readers follow you for? Well so what?! You are doing this for free and now it is CRACKSHIP time!! And once again, you will probably find that people will like that too 😊

And last but not least, if you feel like you are all out of ideas: Give yourself time! You don't have to create all the time! Give yourself permission to regenerate your mana and take the time to fill your brain with new experiences that eventually will sprout new ideas 💜

💡How many WIPs do you currently have?

Seven. Or maybe eight? I think that's still reasonable 😅

But I'm only really working on two right now because I am really bad at multitasking!!

ff writer asks

[a-regular-ol-pill]

I kind of got distracted and made a ff about sons of the forest instead of continuing the request.. My false. I'm so sorry i should have continued writing about the request fml. Here's the ao3 link, but if you want to read here. Here you go!

Day 30

"You're not going..?!" Your voice was nearly drowned out by the swirling blades of the helicopter, but it was loud enough to be heard by everyone. Virginia turned to the Mercenary, brows slowly furrowing as Kelvin notices how you froze mid step to go inside the chopper. The Mercenary shook his head, turning back and heading towards the orange pack he's been carrying around since the crash. Meanwhile, the Son and Father went ahead to board the chopper.

Timmy LeBlanc beckoned you inside as the chopper slowly raised, but deciding to stay, you pulled your feet down and turned towards the surprised Kelvin. Your fists clenched as the chopper slowly flew away, and you walked towards the Mercenary. He was already facing you, awaiting the punch. What he didn't expect was you silently taking your own pack and carrying it on your bag. "You're not gonna-."

"Don't tempt me. I am pissed enough." You cut him off. Footsteps resounded behind you as Kelvin, with his cheerful aura, brightened up the situation a bit with an eager smile. For a moment, you nearly forgot that he had lost all hearing. Speaking of which, the sides of his face.. it looked like the blood had long dried. "Didn't you say you'd take care of his ear?" You asked, turning to the Mercenary. He nodded in reply. "I did. I just didn't clean up the blood."

You flicked your mini flashlight open and went to Kelvin's side. Your hands made him stay put as you inspected the inside of his ear. Mercenary said the truth, he just didn't clean the blood. Virginia suddenly started backing away and pointed at something near the bushes. The Mercenary took his axe out as you swiftly cleaned up the sides of Kelvin's face. Missing the adoration in Kelvin's eyes in the process. Planning to join Mercenary in fighting, though, when you turned back, it was just one of the curious cannibals. You sighed in relief. A breeze flowing past the group as it approached.

"They're friendly." You spoke up. Turning your head towards Kelvin and finding him mildly curious himself. "Yeah.. we should get back to a camp right now. It'll turn night soon." The Mercenary had unarmed himself and started walking towards a certain direction while looking at the GPS. You groaned. He had a bad habit of leading the way and then hopelessly making the others in the group lost.

Virginia and Kelvin both shuddered at the realization. So you got their attention and tied a cloth between the three of your wrists. A system you're used to doing whenever you suspect that the Mercenary will go on his own again. Sometimes, you felt like you're babysitting a bunch of curious puppies. But you won't tell Virginia and Kelvin that. You aren't sure how they'll react since it's like an insult but not at the same time.

Day 35

Collecting wood and giving them to Mercenary was an exhausting task all things considered. You should have finished collecting wood by noon because of Kelvin, but somehow, three brutes swarmed you and made you drop all your logs in the process of trying to escape. The brutes were killed by Virginia, but after she did. You were scolded harshly by the Mercenary. Though you argued that he could have helped while you and Kelvin were collecting what he requested. Getting to scream at him was a relief.

You have lots of thoughts that are buried under your caring aura, and that screaming was just one of the many, many reasons you want to just beat him up. You had been advised by your therapist to write your troubling thoughts away, but your flimsy pencil can only write so much before it turns into a stub! Besides, you need it to speak to Kelvin, otherwise. He'll be.. lonely— The thought made you blink. Why did you think of that just now? Nevertheless, you wanted this frustration gone somehow. The only source of relief was murdering the cannibals.. it was night. It was dangerous.

But it was better than being tempted to murder your comrade. With that mindset, you excused yourself from the camp and wandered the forest, desperate to find something to pour your frustration out onto before finding a blind mutant tied to a pole. You stabbed it through its head and chopped it down. Dragging it away from the cannibals as you began slicing away at the mutant. A disgustingly weird grin on your face with tears filling up your eyes.

Blood began staining your clothes as you continued your merciless tantrum. Only when it was in pieces did you come to your senses. Nearby leaves of bushes has been stained with blood, the grass even has bits of organs on it. Seeing it really made your stomach coil, and you bounced back from your position over the diced up mutant. You became hyper aware of the blood on your skin, and you started brushing it off. When you felt like you couldn't, you rushed back to a river you knew nearby and dived in. Crying out in relief and a sign of another part of your mental health cracking.

Virginia, having been worried about your long stroll, followed your tracker and found you crying in a river. The water barely pushed you, making you seem robotic— like a rock as you stayed there sitting down. She called your name, earning your attention as you swiftly stood up. Realizing that your clothes are now soaked. Sure this happened before, but this was your last pair of clean clothes. The rest were up on a rack drying in the camp. You'll have to beg the Mercenary to give you some.

You grimaced at the thought. One time, the man gave you burnt meat. And the other time he gave you barely enough bones to make bone armour. Oh! And another thing! He had pranked you by giving you the raw head of one of the cannibal brutes. So yeah, you had a bad experience with him alright. "Do you have any spare clothes?" You asked, turning to Virginia. She lightly shook her head but pointed back to your camp. What surprised you is that, she wasn't pointing at the Mercenary. She was pointing at Kelvin.

You couldn't recall Kelvin having the ability to carry things around. Much less, actually have things because the Mercenary often steals from you. "Uh.. are you sure he has extra?" You asked. Virginia nodded and beckoned you back to camp. Meanwhile, looking around for any potential attackers. Blind mutants were slowly becoming common around the area, so you'd set up extra protection around your camp. Getting in was a bit tricky now that you might accidentally activate a trap and will have to rebuild it again.

"Do you need a towel?" The Mercenary asked you. You nodded and slyly watched him take out a towel and hand it over to you. "I'm not gonna fuck with you." He said. You deadpanned at the man as you used the towel to dry off your clothes. Opting to just get it dry and change as soon as your other clothes dry as well. "Still, you've fucked with me plenty of times." You argue. Drying your hair and standing near the campfire and spotting Kelvin running back with sticks. You frown. "It's late at night! Don't you know you can give Kelvin a break more often than 'once in a while'?" You scolded, the Mercenary, completely ignoring what you said, grinned upon having a mischievous thought. Instead replying to your previous argument with; "And I assume you haven't fucked Kelvin yet?"

Your throat dries as Virginia coughs to distract herself from what he just said. "I'm right, then." The Mercenary looked between you and Kelvin before walking over to you, alarmed, you were about to take out the blade you used to cut up the mutant before the Mercenary wrapped his arm around your waist. Suddenly confused, you looked at him with your mouth slightly agape. This sent off the wrong message, as Kelvin's smile twitched a bit and a few sticks fell from the pile he was holding.

The sound caught your attention, and you quickly lit up once you saw him. You pulled away from the Mercenary and wrote on a notepad; 'Do you have spare clothes?' You showed it to him, and although he didn't react for a few moments, he eventually nodded and gave the Mercenary the sticks he was holding. Virginia gave you a look, but you missed the reason why— The Mercenary was just being an asshole.

Kelvin went inside his tent when you followed, you waited as he shuffled around inside. You had the respect to not try to peek inside at least. Unlike the Mercenary.. that's why Kelvin preferred you giving orders to him than Mercenary. Though he may argue that Virginia is the most respectful since you do shout foul languages when you get pissed off. Kelvin smiled at the recollection. Then it fell once he found the clothes he was looking for.

Will you go back to the Mercenary wearing his clothes? He doesn't know. And he wasn't fully sure that you liked him either. But the close physical contact he saw? That was enough proof for him that he doesn't have a chance. You sighed in relief once Kelvin crawled out of his tent and mouthed a thanks to him after he handed you his clothes. You invited him to stay near the campfire and went to your tent to change. Kelvin's clothes felt warm in a way, and you savored it before going back out and sitting next to Virginia. She gave you a look yet again, but you only furrowed your brows before she gently shook her head and turned back to the fire.

You leaned on her shoulder and subtly lift up the collar close to your face. It was soft. Really soft.

Day 43

"Fuck, fuck!" You shout, dodging an attack from the Fingers mutant and jumping back from the attack it tried to land on you. You were out of shot gun bullets and Virginia had run away to ask for help. So you're alone, trying to fight this shit of a mutant while being awaited by cannibals who were watching. For entertainment or to get the creepy armour, you weren't sure. "Just fucking die already!" You took out a bow from your backpack and shot at the creature, it spew whatever goo it had towards you. Thankfully, you avoided it. But a spear to the shoulder surely caught your attention.

The spear went clean through and you could see the other side if you just look to your left. That gave the mutant enough time to charge at you and grab you with its fingery excuse of a maw. You struggled against the mutant, dropping your bow and crying out for help as it took you to a nearby cave entrance. Your heart was pounding and your face was scratched as it squeezed its way through the opening that barely fits it. It spewed the weird substance onto you in the process, making you disgusted and nearly throw up if it didn't run past a group of blind mutants.

You held your breath and cried out at the impact when it dropped you. Your stomach felt like it was pierced before you felt the thing grabbing at you. It forced the spear out of your shoulder. The pain was agonizing before you felt it bite on your shoulder. But suddenly, it went limp. Nearly crushing you with its weight and forcing the wound on your shoulder to hurt even more. You didn't even know the thing had a mouth sizable to your shoulder!

The weight was pulled off you before you were able to turn around and see your saviors. You were surprised to see Kelvin kneeling down to hug you. The Mercenary not far behind as he killed the remaining blind mutant in front of him. "Did you lose too much blood?" The Mercenary asked, running over to inspect your shoulder. Kelvin meanwhile, pulled away and looked surprised to see the wound on your shoulder. "Not really, no." You answered, reaching up to cover the wound.

"Lets get back to camp so we can see if the bite had any effect on you or not." He paused and looked over at Kelvin. Who was still focused on the wound on your shoulder. You tapped Kelvin's hand to get his attention and motioned to the exit. He quickly got the hint and helped you up as the Mercenary lead the way for you. Virginia was waiting outside, and she looked relieved when she saw you. She also helped you walk all the way back to your camp. "Did you know? Kelvin was the one that shot that arrow." The Mercenary suddenly said, catching you off guard and nearly making you trip. That had an impact as your shoulder hurt from you suddenly lunging forward.

"Very funny. I'm probably infected here and you're still mocking me about Kelvin." Though, what he said next surprised you. "I'm not joking. He chased after Virginia when she motioned that you were fighting a mutant alone." It warmed your heart a bit knowing that Kelvin cared for you enough to follow Virginia. But saving you..? That was totally out of the blue. He was never seen in combat nor was he brave enough to fight a mere cannibal. He would only point them out and run if they start to attack..

The wound in your shoulder started to act up, so you shut up for the meantime once you reached your camp. You couldn't help but steal glances from Kelvin though. He looked shaken up and was also stealing glances at you too. Because of the back and forth glances, you were distracted enough to not be in pain while Virginia patched you up. Your shoulder ached after she finished, it was obvious by the way your hand was constantly shaking. "Where'd the Mercenary go?" You asked, trying to stretch your arm, only to pull back with a soft wince. Virginia shrugged, looking around before deciding to stand up and take a stroll. You were left alone with Kelvin. Normally, you'll just write on your notepad. But not today.

Not like you could write anything anyway. You'd rather just be with Kelvin rather than speak to him. His company is more than enough to bring comfort to you. You stood up and moved to sit next to him. Missing the look on his face as you leaned on him and closed your eyes. The soft breeze every now and then filled the gentle silence, and a few leaves tickled your skin as it flew with the wind. You barely notice the way Kelvin's body is shaking from nervousness. He used to love talking about his feelings, but now that he can't speak, he's been finding it hard to try and act on it.

Tears began welling up in your eyes, but you held it in. Heart heavy from the situation that had just happened. It took a huge toll on you than you'll soon realize is bigger than you can ever imagine..

Day 50

One funny thing is that you'll never admit to being scared of the cannibals. But now, standing over a brute that has been brutally gutted out by a mutant made you want to puke. More and more mutants had began coming out from the caves, and seeing sights like this left everything to your imagination. What murdered this person? Their guts are shining out in the sun like it's no one's business! And mutants don't leave their victims like this! They eat them! Unless they're killed during the process..

Gosh, your thoughts are running so fast to the point where you can't even understand what you're thinking yourself. You look away from the gruesome sight and head towards the mountains. Suppressing your running thoughts and emotions as you hunted a few deers for their skins. You left the ones that had their young though. You were nice enough to do that. Were you even nice in the first place? You faintly remember trying to abandon Kelvin because he became a liability. But the Mercenary forced you to come to your senses! In short, he was the nicest one out of all of you. You had no right to have been calling the Mercenary an asshole after all this time.

You're slowly losing your mind pondering about these things, you slowly stopped walking and subconsciously stopped by an abandoned cannibal camp. You sat down on one of the logs and thought until you feel like your brain can explode at any moment. You felt impending dread, you felt guilty and worse of all. You're falling into insanity. You were always warned not to fall into it at any cost, but it feels like you're not given a choice. You're being pushed into the edge and you were on the brink of tripping.

A ruffling from the nearby bushes caught your attention. Usually curious cannibals hide in bushes, so you decided to ignore it. Opting to continue your mental breakdown until you felt a hand on your shoulder. You screamed and quickly backed away, blinking and suddenly feeling embarrassed upon seeing Kelvin behind the log— A natural response considering you were losing your mind. "It's just you." You spoke, not really to kelvin but to yourself because.. well. He couldn't hear you. You went to reach for a notepad before remembering that you only brought hunting equipment so your back could rest.

You looked at Kelvin with an apologetic look. He just brushed it off and sat down on the log, tilting his head at you curiously— Silently asking what's wrong. He's always reminded you of an obedient dog, and here it's in full display. You slumped your shoulders and sat next to him. Getting a feeling of deja vu as you leaned on his shoulder. You've done this before, the only difference is that you're not that injured anymore. You slowly start to doze off, finding comfort in Kelvin's presence.

Meanwhile, Kelvin is looking down at you, arm twitching to wrap around you as he subconsciously does. A pair of arms wrap around you as you two sat in silence. You, slowly finding relief in your state of mind. Even if it's just a brief moment.

In the distance, Virginia is walking towards the abandoned camp, spotting you two on the log. Hugging. A smile made its way onto her face when Kelvin leaned down. She didn't see what he did, as he had leaned down so close to your face that the bushes she was hiding it blocked the view. But she did know that when Kelvin pulled away, your face looked flushed. Eyes closed and you not daring to open them. It was a shame you didn't open your eyes, you would have seen Kelvin's biggest smile at your reaction.

"What're you doing-?" Mercenary was quickly shut up by Virginia as she pulled him down into the bushes, you looked over upon hearing the ruffling but saw nothing. Kelvin looked over to where you were looking as well before taking your cheek in his hand and nuzzling the side of your face. Successfully earning back your attention and making you hug him once more.

[shunin-gumis]

Temptation Towards Apoptosis - Track 01

L4mps 1st Feature Event

This chapter is translated by Jelly!

Once upon a time, in a village far far away, a lovely girl with skin as white as the first snow fell in love. The creature that caught her eye was a magnificent steed with lustrous muscles and a manly mane that blew gracefully in the wind. However, her father was against their love. One day, whilst her father was out searching for a better suitor, the two secretly eloped. Upon hearing the news, her father, in a blind fit of rage, killed the horse and hung its corpse onto a tree. The sight of his daughter weeping at the loss of her lover as she clinged onto it only caused the father’s anger to slowly grow further until eventually, he axed off its head in fury. Then, as if to run away together, the horse’s head flew off with the girl in tow and the two were never seen again. And, they lived happily ever after.

…But did they really live happily ever after?

*applause*

*popping sounds*

Location: Aomori - Miroku Yokocho

Chief: Um, so did you do something after that, Nagi-kun?

Nagi: Yeah. I felt bad for coming to Aomori to study while only knowing the bare minimum like how Aomori’s famous for their apples and the Nebuta Festival*, so I thought I should search up a bunch of stuff about it before we came which was why I was on my phone looking things up during break time.

Nagi: But for some reason, I suddenly had no service and when people don’t have any service they usually wave their phones around, and so I thought okay, then I’ll wave my phone around, and so I did, but then my phone slipped out of my hand and next thing I knew, the store’s window…

Daniel: Ooh, looks like he's plastered already.

Ryui: So in the end, you didn’t search shit about Aomori.

Chief: It’s true they are famous for their apples and the Nebuta Festival, though!

Toi: Yeah. I was surprised there was a vending machine for only apple juice at the station!

Chief: The Nebuta Festival only occurs during the summer, but since it’s currently winter, tomorrow we’ll be attending the Lake Towada Winter Story Festival* instead. I hope it doesn’t snow.

Netaro: Winteeeer~, I see~ the days are shorter during the winteeeer~ so humans become all weak and flimsy.

Toi: Weak? In what way?

Netaro: For humans to be strong, they need to intake tryptophan which is a key amino acid found in seryotonwin!

Ryui: Toi, there’s no point in listening to his bullshit.

Nagi: Then what about my story?

Yodaka: Speaking of which, I had a dream earlier.

Yodaka: Within my dream, Shamrock Holmes* said, “The culprit must’ed be among these cuts of tuna.”

Chief: You’re exactly right! I can’t wait to try some Aomori shamorock jidori and tuna caught from the Tsugaru straits.

Daniel: Hey, they have it on the menu. Master, can we get a jidori and tuna?

Yodaka: The culprit, enraged, shouted, “I’ma make-a squid cutlets outta ya fuckers.”

Daniel: We’ll take one ‘o those too.

Toi: Hehehe. Yodaka-san became the menu.

Toi: (This is fun…)

*popping sounds*

Chief: (…Hm? I think I heard something…?)

Chief: Toi-kun, what’s that in your hand…?

Toi: Oh… Sorry. I accidentally took it out…

Toi: It’s called a never-ending popper!

Toi: I got addicted to popping the leftover bubble wrap Ani-sama had for packaging…

Chief: I get that. It feels good to pop the bubbles, but I didn’t know there was a toy like this.

Chief: (Did Ryui-kun bring something fragile with him? Nagi-kun also brought flowers and a flower vase with him this time around… Is everyone on the Night Team used to travelling heavy…?)

Toi: Chief, would you like to try it?

Chief: Sure, I’ll try popping one.

Toi: You can pop two, three, as many as you would like!

*popping sounds*

Chief: Ahh… This is so relaxing…

Chief: The food and drinks were also delicious. I’m so glad we decided to come to Aomori…

~~~(flashback)

Chief: Now then, it’s time to plan our fourth feature tour!

Kafka: What did you all think about the one the Noon Team held last time?

Ryui: The one Kiro hosted? Wasn’t it pretty good?

Toi: Yup! Kiro-chan was soo cool…!

Netaro: The final plop was amazing! Plop!

Yodaka: They showed us a dazzling chapter of their youth.

Nagi: I’ve only ever graduated from middle school, so it was exciting to go into a high school. It brought back nonexistent memories of me sneaking into school to ride my bike around the field.

Daniel: So, we’re picking from the Night Team this time, right President?

Kafka: Yup. Let’s get right into it… Would anyone like to volunteer to be the main host?

L4mps: …

Chief: H-Huh…?

Kafka: Oh? When did you all become so timid?

Daniel: It’s better to just get these things done and over with.

Nagi: (Mhm, but I don’t think it’s my place to volunteer… None of the other leaders have been a host yet.)

Yodaka: (If someone wants to do it, I shouldn’t rob them of the chance.)

Netaro: (Sounds like a pain~)

Ryui: (…The host gets to decide on the study location, right?)

Ryui: (But…)

Toi: …

Nagi: Then Buchi-san and the chief can be the hosts this time.

Chief & Daniel: What!? Why?

Toi: …Me.

Ryui: !

Netaro: What an enthusiastic hand~!

Chief: Are you volunteering yourself, Toi-kun?

Toi: Yes. If that’s alright.

Toi: Um, the main host gets to decide on the study location, right?

Kafka: Yup. Is there somewhere you want to go?

Toi: I… I want to go to Aomori.

Ryui: …! Toi, you—

~~~~~~(flashback)

Ryui: …Toi, I went to Hakodate to look for a way to exorcise Astaroth from your body. I was looking for the Shiramitsu family’s origins in Aomori…

Ryui: I ended up getting stuck at Hakodate instead.

Toi: The spiritual powers there are strong, so I guess someone with a spiritual constitution like Ani-sama’s is bound to be strongly affected.

Ryui: In the end, I wasn’t able to find anything in my current state. Pathetic, really, considering I went as far as to leave you for it too.

Ryui: But don't worry, this is the one thing I'll never give up on. No matter what, I’ll drag that shitty demon outta your body and fuck it up.

Ryui: Then, you can finally be free from this damn house.

~~~~~~(end flashback)

Yodaka: If Toi is the main host, then…

Toi: Ani-sama, do you want to do it together?

Ryui: Yeah, of course.

Toi: I love you, Ani-sama!

Ryui: I love you too, Toi.

Toi: In that case I looooooove you even more!

Ryui: Then I lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove…

Daniel: Okay okay, we get it.

Nagi: Great, then it’s decided. A round of applause.

*applause*

Kafka: So the main host will be Toi and the sub-host will be Ryui. I’m looking forward to your tour.

Ryui: I’ll make this 1800% successful for Toi.

Ryui: And, this time…

Toi: …

Toi: (Ani-sama probably wants to find a way to separate me from A-chama.)

Toi: (A-chama might be a precious friend to me, but Ani-sama will always be more important.)

Chief: If we’ve decided on Aomori then the next step is to research! Daniel-san, do you mind lending me some of your time after?

Daniel: Ahh, my bad I have a date with the smoke room, so…

Netaro: I’m going puff puff with Daa too~.

Yodaka: In that case, may I be the one to accompany you, Chief? I’d like to know about some nice bars in the area.

Toi: (…I want to know too.)

Toi: (I want to find out if there’s a way for me to remain a good boy…)

Notes:

The story at the start of the chapter is the myth of a tutelary deity for the Tohoku region known as "Oshira-sama." Oshira-sama is considered the deity of silkworms, horses, and agriculture.

Miroku Yokocho is the food stall village located in the city of Hachinohe that serves the local cuisine of Aomori.

Aomori apples are also known as "the world's best apples" with the intensive and extensive care put into growing them. They are said to be very delicious. For more information: https://aomori-tourism.com/en/feature/detail_70.html

Nebuta Festival is one of the most famous summer festivals of Japan. The main attraction of this festival is the large colorful floats that parade through the streets of Aomori. For more information: https://www.nebuta.jp/foreign/english.html

The Winter Story Festival is an annual winter snow sculpture festival held in Lake Towada, Aomori. For more information: https://www.japan.travel/en/sports/snow/snow-travel/lake-towada-winter-story-festival/

Shamrock Holmes is both a play on Sherlock Holmes and a famous izakaya spot/restaurant in Aomori also called Shamrock Holmes. Yodaka mixes the two things together making a mystery story based on food.

The Shamrock chicken (jidori), or the Emperor's chicken, is a high quality breed of chicken in Aomori. For more info: https://visithachinohe.com/en/shopping/syamorock/

Tsugaru strait refers to a strait between honshu (the main island of the Japanese archipelago) and Hokkaido.

Event Masterpost

Next track

[tiktaalic]

im moving to dfw from seattle this summer. impart your wisdom, if you would

It ROCKS to live in a real city. The factory in deep ellum in Dallas is a lovely little music venue. Denton’s a college town so it has a killer music scene. Bishop arts district was lovely when I was a kid idk how it looks in the last decade tho. Whataburger is Fine but the important thing is it’s open at 2 am when you’re drunk. The Fort Worth zoo is better than the Dallas zoo and it’s one of the best in the country. Carshon’s is an awesome Jewish cash only deli over by the zoo. Dallas has the biggest and first half price books store and across the street is a little family owned German restaurant where they play accordion on Friday/sat nights. I never kicked around in Dallas too much but Fort Worth has a pretty robust museum district. The Amon carter ROCKS it’s a free art museum with a bunch of classical exhibits and you only have to pay if you want to see some specific temporary installation. I saw Judith slaying holofernes there (not there anymore) it fucking rocks. Honestly I don’t find the stockyards that impressive I would just spend the $12 bucks on the cowgirl museum or some other western museum there are plenty. The perot is awesome and in Dallas. The stock show is fine it’s like any other little fair/carnival. Good way to kill a weekend if you need to kill a weekend. The state fair is crazy go see that thing. Oh there’s a beautiful on the water sculpture let me find it hold on. The fair park lagoon.

It of course goes without saying that you can’t throw a rock without hitting a restaurant that’ll blow your dick off. Ummmm. If you’re driving in Dallas. Stay safe out there. Anecdotally I’ve seen more drivers weave like assholes in the pnw but Dallas is sometimes a 90 mph minimum in the right lane kind of situation. BUGS ARE REAL ! You will hear cicadas for the first time in your life it’s a beautiful summer experience. Skeeter spray a must if you’re outside after like 5pm. There’ll be like PSAs on billboards or mailing adverts about How To Prevent Mosquitoes. Basically don’t have any standing water in your yard and you’re good. House geckos :-). If you’re in the city you don’t have to worry about ticks or snakes but they do exist and are something to be wary of if you’re ever called to tromp through the woods. You are going to find summers unbearable. Everybody’s gonna have AC you’ll be fine inside but you are going to complain about triple degree summers and how you can’t go outside. Nothing to do about that one except carry around 64 oz ice water to drink and pour on your head. Liquor laws are stricter which means no hard alcohol in gas stations / convenience stores / grocery stores you have to go to a liquor store. Also you can’t buy alcohol before noon on Sunday. Oh my god. The sun. You’re going to see the sun soooooo much. And there’ll be thunderstorms! Also Dallas Fort Worth Are two different cities 45 minutes apart that you have to drive through Other real cities to get to each other through. Seattle on the left DFW on the right. For comparison.

Also like. You know how the i5 corridor is like. Okay I’m driving through the woods for 3 hours and seeing a town every hour I can get gas 10 exits from now. Highways in texas between Dallas and Fort Worth are like ok I’m driving past flat yellow field and there’s a gas station at every exit for the next 30 exits. Different if you leave DFW! You can get empty field stretches coming in and out of houston and on your way to west texas and pretty much any drive longer than an hour that’s not. Straight from Dallas to Fort Worth. I loveeee the local public radio station. KXT I still listen to it in my car daily. Um. That’s my list of #cultural differences. And places to go 👍

[pbandjesse]

Today was a pretty full day. I am feeling really good about it. Physically I am not feeling amazing but that is okay. I am working hard go make some organs. I can be gentle with myself.

I woke up a ton last night. Have to pee. Dehydrated. Uncomfy. But I got to sleep in so it evened out. I don't remember James leaving for work. But they did check in a out making me breakfast and I requested my hashbrown dish with scrambled eggs but all deconstructed so I could put it together when I did wake up. They are so good to me. Love my husband.

I woke up around 9. I laid in bed for a while. I had a half a plan. I was going to make the bed. I was going to shower. I was going to wear my new dress. I would have breakfast. And fix the froggy that was dropped off at the teddy bear hospital. And I would edit my sticker file to send to the printer.

And I did that and more! I got up and after the bed was made and I was showered, I tried on my new dress. And it has. Issues. Mainly that the straps are elastic and just a little bit to much. I am going to try and shorten those soon. But more the issue was the shoulder ruffles. My neck is just to short for how big they were. So after breakfast I would take scissors to them and I cut the shoulder ruffles off and I like it so much more. Still have to shorten the straps but I felt super cute in it.

I warmed up breakfast on the stove. And it was a nice breakfast.

I would gather my one rumpl blanket to put in its stuff sack and that's when I noticed that it has big holes in it? I think it got eaten by mice during summer camp. So I added that to the list of things for me to do.

I went outside to sit and drink ate for a bit. I needed to drink a whole bunch before the appointment. Eventually I would go back inside and fixed the frog. Which I think went very well. His butt was ripped in the weirdest way but I think I did a good job keeping his shape.

I would also start working on the embroidery weaving to create the patches for the stuff sack. I chose a pretty robins egg color that I thought went nicely with the colors in the bag. And I would spend a good amount of time working on this because I wanted it to be nice.

My hands would hurt though so I went and worked on the sticker design. And send that off to James to send to the printer.

I didn't want to leave here until noon. I would lay outside and tried to drink my whole big stupid mug of water but it was hard. I did my best. And would leave a little early because I was nervous.

I felt really cute though. I really liked my outfit and it made me feel very cool.

The hospital is not even ten minutes away. So it did not take long. I found the other parking garage which ended up being easier to park in but I did get lost inside and had to circle around again to get the spot. But it was easy enough. I walked the two blocks to the hospital and texted James.

They were going to arrive at 1230 so we decided I would figure out how to get to the office and tell them the steps. First up, information desk. I got a wrist band and let them know James would be coming. And then got the elevator downstairs. Accidentally went up to the 7th floor first but I made it down eventually and found the office pretty easy.

Even though I was told to be there a half hour early the receptionist let me know that all the techs were at lunch so we wouldn't be starting early. Which honestly was better because I was nervous about James arriving.

But soon James was with me and I felt better.

We got taken back a little after 1. The tech was so nice. I was very nervous but she was great.

The whole ultrasound was about a half hour. It was my first real belly scan so that was new for me. And she pushed very hard which hurt at times because I have a stitch in my side from a sneeze gone wrong a few weeks ago. But I was so focused on the screen that it didn't matter at all.

Not only did we get to see baby and all their organs, she was flipping and stretching! Not exactly cooperating with the tech but I was just having so much fun seeing her swimming around. It was great. I had lots of questions about what I was looking at. Seeing the organs and being told oh that's her brain! That's her spin! That's her foot! I got a little teary eyed.

James was half watching and half live texting updates to their parents and other family. They said if they focused just on the one thing they would have cried and they were worried they wouldn't stop. I thought that was very sweet.

Once the ultrasound was done we had to wait in the room while the tech checked with the doctor to make sure the images were good enough. I started feeling really hungry and we decided when we were all done we would go to five guys. I was looking forward to that.

But that was still forever a way. We had a second appointment right after with a lovely nurse practitioner about my risks and medication.

I was nervous. But she was so good. She made me feel very heard. I went through everything and my concerns and weirdness my body is doing. She made me feel like we had a handle on things and my research was good. But because of my medicine she wants me to get more ultrasounds. So after 20 weeks I'll get at least one every 4 weeks, and then as we get closer to when they are due I think more often I'll get checked. I have to get some blood work done too. But I felt like we had a good plan. And I am excited. Especially because they said baby is looking good and has all their proper organs and fingers and toes. Incredible.

Thag was probably my favorite part. When her little hand spread open like she was waving. It was great.

We checked out. Got my next appointment set up. And thanked them for being so nice. And we were off.

James had biked to the appointment. So they would walk me to the parking garage and would meet me over in Canton crossing. I would get stuck in some traffic so when they got there first they would order for us. Which was great because when I got there the food was already ready! Thank you to my husband.

We had our late lunch. And it was very good. And we decided that we would go over to the grocery store for a few things before we went home.

The food helped me feel better but I still wasn't feeling amazing. We would stick pretty good to the list. Green onions. Rice sides. Cake. We couldn't get more hashbrowns. But it was all good. We paid and headed home.

I beat James home but we would be neck and neck a few times. It was funny to be driving next to them biking

When we got back I was not feeling very good and would lay down. I would finish my weaving embroidery and was very happy with it. I tried drinking some water but I just wasn't feeling great. So I headed upstairs. James was recording their podcast. And I just tried to rest.

But I didn't feel great. When James was done recording they brought me veggie pepperoni and crackers and a zofran. And when I still felt bad I went and took a bath. Which helped a little bit my stomach still hurts.

I am considering having a Popsicle. And then going to sleep. I am planning on going to camp tomorrow. I really hope there is stuff for me to do so I don't feel so bad just sitting there. I am going to bring my tablet and work on a drawing idea I have. I just hope it's a good day.

I hope you all have a good day too. Sleep well everyone.

[clatterbane]

I am feeling greatly vindicated about now, in a way that I am very aware is probably verging on bitchiness on this end too. But, some people just affect me that way.

What do we have here, through the portal? Starting cortisol levels toward the lower end of normal for that time of day. And also well within the normal range? The cortisol-stimulating hormone which is what goes screwy and gets overproduced to make your adrenal glands pump out too much cortisol, if the problem is on the pituitary end.

The point of this overzealous testing?

The dexamethasone suppression test is used to diagnose endogenous Cushing syndrome by assessing the lack of suppression of the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis in response to exogenous corticosteroids.[1] The first use of dexamethasone for diagnosing Cushing syndrome was in 1960 by Liddle; he developed a test based on the non-suppressibility of endogenous cortisol production in Cushing syndrome versus the physiological suppression in nonaffected individuals achieved by dexamethasone.[2]

So yeah, if you give someone even a single dose of dexamethasone (never mind the sledgehammer 8-dose multiday protocol they hit my endocrine system with!), their body should cut way back on its own cortisol production to compensate. If the regulating mechanism is borked, it will just keep pumping out the ACTH and then a bunch of cortisol anyway.

What happened in this case?

Whoosh!

Straight down within the expected time frame, from totally fine levels starting out. The usual low single-dose test would have more than done it, without fucking my blood sugar up or giving me its own version of the Prednisone Crazies to anywhere near the same extent. They are apparently looking for at least a 50% reduction in levels, and we have more than met that goal!

(Yeah, they are close enough drugs to have similar effects. I've unfortunately had to take courses of prednisone multiple times, mostly for particularly nasty allergic skin reactions. But dexamethasone is stronger stuff and the effects apparently last longer. 👿 I am very relieved to be done taking the shit as of like 6:30 this morning. Probably a few more days of lingering fun to look forward to.)

It was a dramatic enough drop during that first day, that the nurse actually went ahead and reassured us this morning that things were obviously perfectly fine there when I went in for the second steroided-up blood draw.

Gotta say the lab was quick! They drew the samples just before 8:30 again today, and the results were up on the portal when I logged in somewhere around noon. That clinic is right in the university medical center complex, but still.

They took so much blood the first time because the endo also decided to throw in All The Tests while she was at it. Including a bunch of the diabetes-standard ones that she already ordered before the recent routine check-in appointment where she sprung this xenophobic concern-trolling bullshit on me in the first place. Also got expanded kidney and liver panels, what seemed like every other major hormone in my body checked, and a whole new battery of tests prompted by the chronic anemia. A lot of those repeats of what primary care just recently ordered (and she could see the results of) after she kicked that over to their side. At least it was just two tubes for the cortisol and ACTH today.

But yeah, at least nothing out of that huge battery of tests came back looking weird in unexpected ways! I am still slightly anemic, my sodium and potassium levels are still running just barely under range, and a couple of kidney indicators are still looking borderline wonky in a very diabetic way.

(Which seems to be staying pretty stable for years now, not even far off enough that anyone has seemed to feel like it's needed treatment--and it's frankly a miracle that my renal function isn't way more thrashed than that, after the number of years of earlier negligence and uncontrolled blood sugar. Ruined kidneys was honestly one of my big nagging worries while all of that was still going on.)

Anyway, one thing I WAS actually glad and somewhat relieved to see while scrolling through that huge mess of reports:

Because it was primarily a pituitary prolactinoma that I got removed back in high school. And especially with the healthcare mess back in the US? I am not aware of that ever having been checked again within the past 30 years. My family ended up uninsured within a year or two of the surgery, and the last follow-up probably happened in 1992-93. The symptoms thankfully did go away over time--along with the freaking cortisol side bonus staying distant history!

(None of which was the endo aware of when she decided I looked weird enough to constitute a medical problem, I just can't restrain myself from emphasizing again.)

The little fuckers do have a distressing tendency to come back sometimes. But yeah, BTDT and I am pretty confident that I would have noticed if that were causing problems. But, I am still glad for the confirmation that my prolactin levels are fine now.

This whole thing was, indeed, uncalled for. And I am still perversely gratified to be proven right about this, when it's been taking up so much rent-free space in my head. (Thanks, PTSD!) And also to see that I am honestly looking healthier across a whole slew of bloodwork measures than I was half-afraid I might.