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charmedseoull · 4 years ago

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The Aftermath of Fanfiction Authors with Reba Interview

Before You Read the Interview

I contacted Reba after she posted a Reddit thread titled “When a fic becomes too popular and the author deletes their account and/or work. Explained.” on a throwaway account. We discussed details of the interview during December over email, then started the interview in January. This interview is not associated with a project and is its own independent work. Reba has chosen to remain anonymous.

She provides insight on potential reasons to why fanfiction authors abandon their work from the perspective of a fanfiction reader. She also answered general fandom questions and questions about herself so readers could understand her background.

Charmedseoul is a BTS-focused anonymous historian who documents fandom history using Fanlore. If you would like to be interviewed to help document perspectives in fandom, please contact her on Twitter @charmedseoul or on Tumblr @charmedseoull.

Parts of this interview have been edited with links to Fanlore and Wikipedia pages for understanding. Any information in [brackets] serves for further clarity for readers and elaboration of information.

Now presenting the interview with Reba, long-time fanfiction reader and participant in fandom:

When did you first join fandom culture?

I joined fandom culture in 2014. I feel like fandoms really peaked during this time. [Presence of SuperWhoLock and other Tumblr specific fandoms.]

What fandoms are you in? How have your experiences in them been?

I will be honest and say fandom culture isn’t for me- so I can’t say I’m active in any fandoms (I’m just a silent consumer) but growing up I was a fan of music artists mostly; Justin Bieber, Ariana Grande… I loved the IT 2017 movie adaptation for a long time (I still do), and early 2020 is when I got into BLACKPINK, then BTS. My experience with all of these has been good, and maybe that’s because I don’t see any of the drama and arguments online- but I don’t regret any of my past interests because they all made me happy at one point in time.

What do you like about fandoms?

What I like about fandoms is how happy it can make an individual; getting excited for a new music video, smiling at behind the scenes photos… it can bring someone a little joy if they are having a bad day.

What do you dislike about fandoms?

I don’t like stan culture at all; fandom drama, arguing on twitter with strangers to defend an artist who doesn’t even know you… it all seems toxic. While I'm sure healthy stanning does exist, I don't think it's easy to achieve at all.

How long have you been an ARMY? What are your opinions about the fandom? How has your experience in the fandom been?

I became an ARMY in early 2020 when Map of the Soul: 7 was released, so only a year. I really do like the fandom; ARMY is the only fandom I’ve seen where there are so many fans worldwide of all different ages, and that just shows how BTS and their music really is for everyone. There is so much BTS content that there’s never a dull day, so my experience in the fandom has been enjoyable!

Did you ever leave ARMY and take a break then come back?

I’ve never left ARMY, that being said, I’m a newbie and haven’t been here for long.

When did you first start reading fanfiction?

I have been exposed to fanfiction since 2014, but I wasn’t in any fandom back then and started reading fanfiction in 2017.

What do you think the purpose behind fanfiction is?

We mostly read for entertainment but there is definitely a purpose to fanfiction, as for all art. Fanfiction is a great thing for both reader and writers, it can be an outlet for many people, a way to experience things that you don't have a chance to experience in your own life. It also can be a good base ground for people who want to start writing, or for someone who finds reading huge paperback novels difficult. Fanfiction is so easily accessible, you can pull up a story to read or share your work at the press of a button.

As you’ve read fanfiction over the years, do you feel like anything about fanfiction has changed?

Yes! Fanfiction is taken a lot more seriously now, people who write fanfiction treat it like an actual novel with plotting and editing- the quality of fanfiction in general is a lot better. Fandom ships have also changed; when I was a teenager Harry Styles fanfictions were crazy popular, now the fanfics that seem to be more popular are BTS! So that just shows when music evolves, pretty much everything else does too.

As a reader, how do you view authors?

I'm always amazed by fanfic authors because they practically write whole novels for free. Writing can be such a personal thing, and it does take talent; there is a story the author wants to convey, and when a story is told in a beautiful way, it leaves a lasting impact on the reader. I’m sure that must be a euphoric feeling for the author- it means they told their story, and they did it well.

Do you think many other readers share the same view as you?

No, not at all. There are readers out there who don’t really think about the time and effort authors put into their stories. I’ve seen readers expect so much, and criticise something so little. It’s sad- people should be able to write whatever they want, writing is supposed to encourage creativity. Authors shouldn’t have to fear backlash for doing just that. Being creative.

Why do you think so many authors delete/orphan their work after it gains popularity?

When a story gains popularity- it attracts good and bad attention alike. Unfortunately the negative affects us a lot more, it’s just human nature. While authors do put their work out there, I don’t think they are ever prepared for their stories to become so popular. I am sure it is overwhelming and that’s why authors feel the need to distance themselves from it all and delete/orphan their work.

What stories prompted you to start thinking about why authors delete/orphan their works?

I read a story called mixtape (IT movie) and I was around long enough to see chapters be uploaded each week. I also saw the struggles the author went through when their fanfic began to rise in popularity, which eventually led to the story being completely deleted from the internet. So I thought this could have been a one-off since I hadn’t read many fanfictions. I then moved onto BTS fanfiction and decided to read the most talked about ones first, only to see a lot of them were by orphaned accounts (so not just a one-off occurrence!). House of Cards by sugamins was the one that got me thinking, I thought “why would somebody not want to be associated with this amazing writing?!” That’s when I began to do some research and stumbled across your interview with the author!

How do you think backlash for a work harms an authors mental health?

An immense amount of feedback, positive or negative, can take a toll on one person. A lot of authors can be reserved people and they write because they are passionate, as an outlet or just a hobby. So when their work does receive backlash it can be very upsetting- it could make them doubt their reasons and capabilities and affect an author so much they might stop writing all together.

How do you think some authors manage their mental health and not delete a work?

This is a hard question because everyone deals with backlash differently. I know some authors who are not bothered by backlash and they choose to ignore it and move on with their day, and then there are other authors who are more anxious and have to put a lot of measures in place to protect their mental health; from your interview with sugamins they explain how they didn’t want to destroy their work, just distance themselves from it, so that’s always an option.

Taking time away from social media and getting enough rest, it is important to not neglect your well-being. Finding a way to cope when you feel low; animals tend to ground me and improve my mental health- they are loving and don’t judge you for who you are. Maybe you cope by talking with friends, or listening to your favourite song. It doesn’t matter what it is, as long as it helps.

At what point with mental health do you think authors start to consider deletion/orphaning?

I think an author starts to consider deleting/orphaning their work when it completely consumes them. It is not healthy to be fixated on something that is no longer bringing you happiness, you need to let it go. If you are an author reading this, just know you are not your feedback, it doesn’t define your existence, okay? Fanfiction should add to your life, not take away from it.

Why do you think some readers invade an authors privacy?

Sometimes, people care more about the author than the work they have created. So when a fanfic has deeply touched a reader and helped them through so much, they want to reach out in any way and tell them so- this can be invasive if the reader is not careful about their approach.

How do you think authors manage this privacy invasion?

Stopping it before it happens; not using your real name, having a separate account for writing, don’t link social media accounts in your works etc. If privacy has already been compromised and a reader is making the author uncomfortable, then disabling comments on their works, making a new social media or changing their accounts to private would be smart. Just knowing how to keep safe online.

At what point with privacy invasion do you think authors start to consider deletion/orphaning?

When you are at risk of being doxed. I think when readers are going as far as finding authors�� personal accounts and messaging their friends- anything along those lines is scary and the reader is going from a supporter to an intrusive stranger real fast.

Why do you think anonymity is important for fanfiction writing?

When your full name is attached to everything you do, people have a very easy way to get back to you. This is why authors keep an anonymous profile, and it is important readers respect that. Most authors don’t want their family, friends, employer etc to see that sort of stuff. It is completely okay to remain professional and keep fanfiction writing separate from personal life.

Do you think fanfiction writing should stay free? Do you think authors should be paid for their work?

I do think fanfiction writing should stay free on the sites they originate from (AO3 for example). However, if the author wants to take their work elsewhere to earn money then I don’t see an issue in that. I am glad you mention copyright law with fanfiction in particular because the author of mixtape (the fanfiction I mentioned earlier) tried to self publish their work while keeping canon names, the author tried to justify it as a parody work and everyone was so concerned that they reported the book until it got removed. I have seen stories on Wattpad become published books to purchase, however, the names had been changed to original characters- I think this seems like a much more logical move to avoid any legal repercussions.

As a reader, how has an author’s work connected with you personally?

I have had works connect with me on a personal level, one in particular is Somebody To Love by LOVERVMINS (orphaned). My standards are impossibly high after reading that fanfic and I don’t think I will ever come across something so beautiful again. Somebody To Love is a taekook fic that was uploaded to AO3 in 2019, the author ended up deleting all their works but thankfully left this particular story up. I was immediately captured by the incredible writing and unique plot; the story of two lovers who were never meant for each other, but destiny found its way anyway… I apologise in advance for how long this summary (with spoilers) is, but I think my thoughts are proof of how this story has connected with me so much!

(Spoilers for Somebody to Love by LOVERVMINS. Please feel free to scroll to the next bolded question to avoid spoilers.)

In this story, Taehyung is a successful lawyer while Jungkook is just a student, despite the difference in status and wealth, they are intrigued by one another from the very start. After meeting Taehyung, Jungkook is left feeling confused about himself, the internalised homophobia is strong to begin with but as the chapters progress Jungkook goes from someone who is afraid of society and what people may think, to strong and outspoken. Taehyung plays a fundamental part in this, because if Jungkook were to never meet Taehyung, he wouldn’t have realised who he really was, he wouldn’t have been brave enough to discover his sexuality and fall in love in a time where it was so unaccepting. Taehyung is bold and confident on the surface, giving little regard for anybody other than himself, but his concern for others soon changes after he meets Jungkook, he becomes a better man. He could have had his heart desires- but Taehyung was no longer selfish from those few months he spent with Jungkook, so he stayed with his wife to be a good father.

Taehyung makes Jungkook promise him he will find somebody to love (hence the title), and he does, Jungkook finds somebody to love and he is happy- Taehyung finds this out when they unexpectedly meet a few years later, this is the final time Jungkook and Taehyung see each other… but knowing Jungkook is happy, leaves Taehyung happy.

There are different kinds of love, some last forever, and some just for a chapter of your life. It is clear Jungkook was Taehyung’s forever. And I don’t think Jungkook’s love for Taehyung ever went away, he just found another kind of love like he had promised. Jungkook had to live his life; he couldn’t wait for Taehyung, to leave his marriage in the unforeseeable future, or watch him raise his kids from afar, this shows that even if society were accepting, their circumstances were too far gone- if only they met sooner, or in another life. It makes you imagine a world where they could have been together, it makes you think beyond the story even when it’s ended.

It has been a month or two since I read LOVERVMINS work, and I still feel a pang in my chest every time I think of Taehyung’s letter for Jungkook in the epilogue.

Why do you think others think they have the right to know an authors personal information?

I think in this day and age, everything about a person is on show, so people just expect that sort of information from you. Authors appreciate feedback- but they don't know the reader, their family or what they do for fun. Vice versa. You only see a small glimpse into the authors life, and the stuff you see is what they feel comfortable enough to show. That should be enough.

Do you consider writing an art form?

I do consider writing an art form. Writing is like painting an image in the readers mind. I think it is better than visual art because when you are reading a story, not everyone is going to envision the exact same thing, it is up to the imagination. I think that is what makes it so beautiful- we all collectively love a story, yet, we somehow interpret it differently.

Why do you think Archive of Our Own is the ideal platform for fanfiction writing?

I think Archive of Our Own is ideal for fanfiction writing because they give you many options with your work so you are comfortable- it is easy to remove comments, delete an account, or orphan works while keeping your account etc. It is important authors get control of what happens to their work if they want to leave and go in a different direction.

Do you think other fanfiction writing platforms like Fanfiction.net and Wattpad are ideal or lacking?

I think Wattpad is ideal for younger audiences; it’s more visual with book covers and the layout in general is more appealing, I also feel like the stories on there are targeted for pre-teens. When I first got into fanfiction, I did start on Wattpad because it was easier to navigate. I look back now though and do think it is lacking in terms of quality, a lot of the stories are written for shock value and don’t really make much sense because of that. It is hard to find a story on Wattpad that ticks all the boxes (but not impossible). Wattpad also had a breach with data last summer and everyone’s emails got pwned so that made a lot of people move to AO3. I have never used Fanfiction.net so unfortunately I can’t speak for that one. Overall, AO3 has much more content, you can find a story with ease once you know how to use the site.

How has fanfiction writing affected the people in your personal life?

How did you find out that your sister is writing fanfiction?

My sister wrote a Harry Styles fanfic in 2014 which gathered around half a million reads on Wattpad, she got comments from people telling her how much her fanfic has impacted their lives pretty much every day. My sister and I are close and we share the same friends, I noticed when we would have sleepovers she was always on her phone and never paid attention to the movies we were watching. I think all the numbers did affect her for a moment and it wasn’t until my sister started her exams that she realised she had to put her concentration into those to pass, that’s how she came to the decision to delete the story. I asked her recently if she regrets deleting it and she told me she doesn’t at all, she now looks back and doesn’t think her writing was good back then. So I think that shows authors do know what they’re doing and what is best for them in the long run.

My sister had a one direction fan account on Instagram that had 100k+ followers (insane!), she was always open with her interests and I found out she started writing fanfiction through that account.

What personal reasons do you think authors have for deleting/orphaning works?

The list is endless; maybe the author wrote the story in a bad time in their life and they want to delete it because it reminds them of that time, they could have left the fandom, or they simply do not like their story anymore- they grew up and know they can do so much better. It is okay for an author to grow apart from their work, it shows they are growing as a person too.

Why do you think authors get backlash from writing dark themes?

I think authors receive backlash from writing dark themes because it can be triggering for some and can bring up unpleasant memories.

What do you think are the responsibilities of an author when writing dark themes?

A safe bet would be to tag anything relating to abuse (physical, emotional, etc), mental illness (eating disorders, self harm, suicide, etc), graphic violence and rape/sexual assault. That’s what comes to mind. And if a trigger occurs only in a certain chapter, then having an additional warning in the chapter notes would be helpful.

What do you think are the responsibilities of a reader when reading dark themes?

If dark subjects are included in the tags, don’t read the story if it could trigger you. It is as simple as that. People decide to read the fanfic then get mad at the author for triggering them. I am not trying to insult anybody who has triggers, maybe they read a story and their specific trigger was never mentioned in the additional tags… this is what the ‘chose not to archive warnings’ box is for, with this option, it is handled in AO3’s FAQ that major tags are not necessary. In shirt, this means there may be triggering content in the fic that is not disclosed by the author. Plus, there is usually a pop up banner before you click on a story which reads ‘this work could have adult content. if you proceed you have agreed that you are willing to see such content’. There are so many warnings, you can’t miss them. It is a case of reading at your own risk, you can’t blame the author if you do not like the result.

Do you think authors are facing too much pressure from readers about what themes they write?

I do think authors face unnecessary pressure with the themes they write; they are put on such a pedestal that when they write something that isn’t what the audience want, they receive a lot of negative criticism. Authors, no matter what themes you are writing, there is no need to worry if you are writing for yourself and putting out the content you set out to create.

Why do you think authors write dark themes?

Dark themes are simply an exploration of difficult emotions along with unpleasant events or consequences. Authors write dark themes because it serves a narrative purpose. And authors don’t have to be ‘dark’ people or experience all of these unsettling things to write such content.

Why do you think readers read dark themes?

Dark themes are not for everyone, I personally don’t think there are enough dark works out there. I read dark themes because it interests me more, I want to know how the characters are going to cope with the consequences, or heal from the trauma. Other readers might prefer dark themes for the graphic content, this is fine too. Fictional violence is not real- we all know this, so there is no reason to be terrified.

Why do you think so many authors want to have their work get popular?

People may disagree, but I think it has a lot to do with validation. Subconsciously, authors want people to like their work- a rise in popularity means readers are seeing the authors work, and hopefully taking enjoyment from it. This isn’t a bad thing as long as you realise validation does not equal self-worth. There are people out there who write and do not gain much attention, but that doesn’t stop them from posting their work anyway.

Do you think a work’s popularity is important?

I personally don’t. I read a range of fanfictions- some are super popular, others are not. It is the content I am more interested in, not how many hits/views it has.

Should we judge authors for deleting/orphaning their work?

Not at all! I am sure authors have thought long and hard before coming to their decision.

How should we view situations where authors delete/orphan their work?

For a reader, it can be upsetting when authors delete/orphan their work, especially if there is no possibility of reading that story again. However, we need to show compassion and view the situation from the authors perspective; gaining popularity on a fanfic isn't as pleasant as it might seem, it is much more complicated than that. A lot of feedback, both good and bad, can be overwhelming. Mental health is important, and if that means distancing yourself from something so popular, then it must be done. Privacy can be compromised, people in your real life might find out you write these stories and not be accepting, or readers become invasive which is a scary situation to be in. And a mixture of personal reasons, people are allowed to grow and change and want to distance themselves from things they are no longer proud of.

What do you think authors should be aware of in case their work does get popular?

This is a good question… I think authors need to be aware that with good feedback, also comes bad feedback. You cannot please every single person on this earth, but that is not your job- so do not take it personally.

Do you have any last messages to readers of this interview?

I want to thank you in particular, Charm. This interview is probably the coolest thing I’ll ever get to do for the BTS fandom and I’m so grateful that our paths crossed so we could create this interview together. You are such a kind soul and it has been a pleasure from start to finish.

For the authors reading this interview; I am just a reader, but I do understand how it can be hard for you to continue on when you are going through so many struggles readers don’t get to see. Just know you are appreciated, and you are supported no matter what you decide to do with your works in the future. Having popular works shouldn’t feel like a burden, there are blessings hidden in there- you have made readers feel a rollercoaster of emotions with your talent, you are able to engage with readers around the world, and you have created a beautiful story from nothing… you did that!

For the silent readers like myself: let the authors of your favourite work know how much you loved it (in a respectful way) before it is too late! I so wish I had the chance to tell the author of Somebody To Love how their story broke my heart then healed it again. Treasure the fanfictions you love because they very well could be gone tomorrow!

Thank you for reading this interview. Further below are reminders and information about this interview and Charmedseoul’s Fanlore projects.

Reba has chosen to remain anonymous. No social media or information about her will be released publicly.

This interview was conducted through email from January 31, 2021 to February 1, 2021 with Reba’s consent and protections under Fanlore’s Identity Protection policies and the posting website’s privacy policies. Unauthorized reposting of this interview is forbidden.

Due to the casual nature of this interview, repost of this interview is strictly prohibited. Linking and sharing is appreciated. Translation and unauthorized repost of this interview is forbidden.

Thank you for reading. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask and I will do my best to answer them.

#bts #bangtan sonyeondan #fandom #fandom meta #fandom interview #fandom interviews #fanlore #charmedseoul #charmedseoul interviews #fanfiction #fanfiction author #fanfic #fanfiction meta #fanfic meta

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quickspinner · 5 years ago

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Killer Combo - Ch 1 The First Match

Max and Marinette have been playing in the Ultimate Mecha Strike III professional leagues for a few years but they're finally making the jump to the Master League in hopes of winning a cash prize that will let them make their dreams a reality. Team Lucky Charm is on their way, but Marinette faces a challenge in the individual league—she can't seem to beat former champion Viperion.

Aged-up Lukanette

When I took prompt suggestions on tumblr for my follower milestone event, one of the prompts was "reverse crush" and another was "Luka beats Marinette at video games and she gets all gooey over him" (not the exact words). Neither option got picked in the voting but somewhere along the line they melded together in my brain and I thought I'd give it a shot.

It was supposed to be another chapter for I'll Never Not Know You and then suddenly I was 15k words in and like...this is not a one shot anymore. So I bring it to you as a new chapter story instead. I hope you'll enjoy!

“It’s your third Master league event,” Max observed with some amusement as he watched Marinette bounce on her toes in front of the door about to open for her. “Your win record is above 94% from the last two. How are you still nervous?”

“I’m not nervous,” Marinette insisted. “Not really. Just ready to get started!” She added, almost to herself, “I didn’t expect to play him so soon. I mean, I didn’t even know he was back in the league this year.”

“That is a little surprising,” Max agreed, adjusting his glasses as he looked down at Marinette’s match list in his hand. “We could have prepared more if we had known sooner that he was returning. His rank is only marginally higher than yours at the moment, however. Numerically, your third match will be of much more importance. There’s a much bigger disparity between your ranks which will mean a bigger jump in rank for you if you win.”

“If I win?” Marinette teased, nudging him. “So much faith, Max.” She slipped her red-and-black hoodie off of her shoulders, and then pulled it off entirely, deciding it was too warm to wear in the closed match space. Ultimate Mech Strike III had been gaining steadily in popularity, and the pro leagues were getting more and more of an audience. With that came an increase in both exposure and cash prizes—and a corresponding increase in cheating. The Master and Grandmaster leagues now held their match events in person at local exhibit halls and convention centers, with players isolated from interference in “pyrapods” that held standardized headsets, controllers, and screens—but they could be a bit stuffy. Matches were streamed from the game center live on the website, and the players who brought in the most traffic were targeted for sponsorships and interviews.

“I can calculate the odds if you—” Max began, but the door to her pyrapod slid open, indicating it was time for the match to begin. Marinette shared a quick fistbump with Max, and then tossed him her hoodie and bounced inside without hesitation.

She donned the provided headset (which still smelled of cleaner, but she was more inclined to be thankful than annoyed) and picking up the controller. The screen in front of her lit up with the view that would be livestreamed.

Marinette set her feet and pressed the button on the counter to indicate she was ready. She took a deep breath and waited for her opponent, rolling up and down on her toes as she tried to settle the nerves she’d told Max she didn’t have.

The voice channel crackled to life in her ear as Viperion put his headset on in his own pod.

“Ladybug vs. Viperion,” the dispassionate electronic voice announced, “Prepare for countdown to match start.”

“Ladybug, huh?” Viperion said, and Marinette blinked at the quiet, smooth voice. “Nice to meet you. I heard some new blood was tearing up the ladder. I’m excited to take you on.”

“Likewise,” Marinette told him, eyebrows raising slightly. “I didn’t expect to go up against a former champion so soon.” She’d been shocked when she saw his name on the list of computer-generated matchups she’d gotten at registration. He should have been much too high up on the ladder to get matched up against her. This was only her third match event in the Master League. She’d only moved up this month—and now she had a month to get out of the bottom 5% before she’d be dropped down to the lower leagues again.

So, champion or not, Viperion was going down.

“I had other commitments last year,” he replied, and she could hear the smile in his voice. “So I’m in with the newbies this year. Don’t worry, I’ll be back up the ladder and out of your hair soon enough.”

Marinette scoffed but the ten second match countdown popped up before she could respond.

“Good luck, Ladybug,” Viperion said.

“Same to you, Viperion,” Marinette replied, eyes fixed on the big red numbers ticking down until the word FIGHT flashed once and the game began.

Marinette was used to trash talk, was even good at it. She’d come to enjoy trading quips and good-natured insults, at least until she started winning. Then her opponents tended to either get quiet or get nasty.

Viperion, by contrast, was nearly silent from the beginning. Every once in a while she thought she heard...humming? over her headset, but she wasn’t sure.

“Oh, nice,” he breathed finally, when she landed a major combo on him. “Oh, hell, here we go, it’s on now—” But it was almost like he was talking to himself rather than trying to trash talk her.

“You wanted it, I brought it,” she muttered back through the headset.

“Show me what you got, Ladybug,” he chuckled. “I can take it.”

Marinette’s eyebrows rose slightly at that. Cocky, she thought, grinning to herself at the thought of taking him down, former champion or no.

She wasn’t smiling for long. Viperion wasn’t cocky, he was right. He could take it. His snake-based mech specialized in status effects, and he used his haste and slow abilities masterfully to compensate for his relatively weak armor. He hadn’t neglected his damage stats either; his venom strike didn’t pack a lot of punch up front but the damage dealt over time added up. She’d never seen anyone use this combination of abilities so effectively without a partner to tank for them. Marinette’s lips got tighter and tighter as her health bar turned blue and then red. She was adapting, finding his weak spots, but not fast enough. She had him in the red but—Marinette smashed one last combo in desperation but she could see even as she did it that Viperion had the edge, and she sighed in frustration and let her controller fall on the counter in front of her as GAME OVER flashed in red letters on her screen, followed by the image of Viperion’s mech and the word WINNER over and over.

“Whew.” The breath Viperion blew out fuzzed over her microphone. “Nice try, Ladybug. Good game.”

Well, at least he was a gracious winner, she thought grumpily. “You too, Viperion,” she said, as sincerely as she could manage, and pulled her headset off with a sigh.

Max was waiting for her outside the pod with his phone in his hand, where he’d no doubt been watching the livestream of the match, and a sympathetic look on his face—at least, she thought he was giving her a sympathetic look from behind his dark glasses. “Too many variables with an unexpected opponent,” he reassured her. “And Viperion is the former champion. We’ll study the match and improve your odds for next time.”

Marinette mustered a smile and threw her arm around his neck, though nowadays she practically had to stand on tiptoe to do it. “Thanks Max.” He grinned, adjusting his glasses in the way he always did when he was pleased he’d said the right thing. “Well, Ladybug may be down but she’s not out, and Team Lucky Charm is still on top. I’ll win the rest of my matches and then we’ll tear up the two-on-two, right Pegasus?”

“Odds of victory 94.3%, Ladybug,” Max grinned, and she pulled her arm back to bump fists with him. Then she slapped him on the back, right on the big silver horseshoe on the back of his black hoodie. The skinny boy staggered, but chuckled, and handed Marinette back her own hoodie, red with black on the shoulders and black spots traveling up her forearms from the black cuffs, with a large five-spotted ladybug emblem on the back. She slipped it back on over her tank top and checked her reflection in the mirrored pillar framing the pod. The red mask dusted across her eyes with makeup, accented by black eyeliner dots, was still mostly intact. She gave her pigtails a quick tug each to tighten them and grabbed her black lipstick out of her pocket, reapplying quickly.

“All right,” she said, turning to find Max looking at his own reflection over her shoulder and adjusting the small silver horseshoe pendant hanging at his throat. She was still a little bitter that he was suddenly taller than her, but he just grinned when he caught her pouting at him. He’d been the small and skinny one for so long that he was totally fine with being a beanpole now. “Two more matches to go, and then we’re up.” She softened slightly. “You know you don’t have to wait for me. It’d be okay if you’d rather just wait and show up for the team matches. Or if you want to go check out the competition while I play.”

Max just smiled and shook his head. “I can’t abandon my teammate to her inevitable nerves in her hour of need.”

Marinette scrunched up her face. “I’m not that bad.”

Max just chuckled. “You have fifteen minutes before your next match,” he reminded her. “Given your usual patterns I suggest you use them for a bathroom break.”

Marinette groaned. “That’s creepy, Max,” she muttered. But she also followed his advice, the match with Viperion still on her mind. He was more adaptable than she expected, she reflected as she pouted her black-painted lips in thought. She was still frowning when she returned from the bathroom, but Max gave her an awkward punch in the arm, bringing her back to the present and she smiled at him again. Max was right, she’d beat Viperion next time, and losing to him just made beating her next opponents that much more important.

The rest of the day went much better. Marinette swept her the rest of her matches, including the all-important third one. The two-on-two competition was likewise satisfying. Ladybug and Pegasus had been playing together for a long time and they were a well-coordinated team. Marinette’s power and versatility coupled with Max’s diligent data gathering and analysis made them pretty unstoppable. They went undefeated and exited their pyrapods whooping and cheering, buzzed on their own success.

“Yes!” Marinette exclaimed, hugging Max. “We’re on the road, Max! One step closer to making Markov Robotics and Miraculous Designs a reality!”

“We still have a considerable distance to go before that happens,” Max cautioned, whipping out his calculator. Marinette put a hand gently over it.

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step,” she quoted cheerfully. “Let’s just enjoy the moment, Max.”

“Yes, of course,” Max smiled, putting away his calculator. “You are correct, Marinette. I did have concerns as to whether we would be able to succeed at this level after lingering at the top of the Diamond League so long. I won’t be able to accurately calculate our odds of success for a few more events, but the outcomes so far have been encouraging.”

“That’s the spirit!” Marinette cheered. Her step hesitated lightly. “Do you want to go to the post-match social?”

Max winced, looking as reluctant as she felt. “We probably should,” he said, shoulders slumping slightly. “We are new to this league, after all. It won’t help us to make a poor impression.”

“Or none,” Marinette sighed. “I was afraid you were going to say that.”

“Perhaps a community of more serious gamers will have a more mature attitude,” Max suggested hopefully. “The time commitments and skill level required at this level are not insignificant.”

Marinette smiled. “You’re right, Max. Way to look on the bright side! Come on, let’s make some new friends.”

Marinette took a deep breath as they entered the main hall, where quite a few people were milling around.

Of course, she noticed the clothes first. There was a fair amount of UMS gear on display—not surprising. Some people wore hats or pins or other small tokens referencing their mechas, but nobody, she noted with satisfaction, had anything nearly as cool or as customized, nor anything approaching a complete look, as she and Max did.

“Ladybug?”

Marinette turned and looked up in slight surprise. And then up a little further. The boy—man? young man—standing behind her was several inches taller than Max, and surprisingly well-built and tanned for a gamer. He was...kinda hot, actually, in a lean, slightly lanky sort of way, which made Marinette tense a little, but his smile was friendly and his blue eyes were...wow.

“I thought that must be you,” he smiled, indicating her clothes with a slight gesture. “Nice look.”

“Marinette designed and created our attire herself,” Max put in proudly as Marinette tried to remember how to make words.

“Oh, nice,” the stranger said with appreciation, and Marinette blinked.

“Viperion?” she asked. The voice was unmistakable.

“In the flesh. My name’s Luka. Nice to meet you,” Viperion said, his smile widening as he offered his hand. “Good game. Great game, actually, you were amazing. You really had me sweating.”

“Thanks,” Marinette replied, her smile tight, but Max nudged her and she managed something a little more sincere as she shook Luka’s hand, a little surprised to find it rough and calloused. Clearly gaming wasn’t his only pastime. (Not like that was special, it wasn’t hers either, and her fingertips were calloused too.) “I’m Marinette. Next time it’ll be better.”

“No doubt,” Luka said warmly, and his voice, smooth and deep and even more appealing without the tinny sound of the headsets, also gave the impression of gentleness even as he squeezed her hand lightly before letting go. “I’m looking forward to it. I hope we can play again sometime, Marinette, I had a lot of fun.”

Marinette’s smile turned a little more genuine in spite of how much she hated to lose. It had been a good match. “I did too, actually. You played a really good game, Luka. Oh, this is my two-on-two partner, Max—Pegasus.”

Luka smiled at Max, leaning in to shake hands with him as well. “Nice to meet you.”

He really was good looking, Marinette grudgingly admitted. Luka’s hair was black and cut short on the sides, but longer on top, hanging nearly into his eyes, and dyed the same turquoise as his mech. He had a jaw that could cut glass and a sharp chin and nose, but the overall impression was softened by an easy, dimpled grin, worn, comfortably tattered clothes (including the most dire hoodie Marinette had ever seen over a UMS shirt that must have been at least five years old), and relaxed attitude.

“I saw your matches in the co-op tournament,” Luka was saying as he pulled back from the handshake. “Congrats on your wins, you guys really destroyed everyone there.”

“Yeah, well, you weren’t there, were you,” Marinette challenged, grin widening as she folded her arms and cocked a hip.

“Nah, I don’t usually play the two-on-two,” Luka laughed, and it was a pleasant laugh, genuine and not mocking. “The individual tournament’s more than enough challenge for me most days. I love video games, but they’re not all there is to life, you know?”

“Yeah,” Marinette nodded slowly, uncomfortable with the way her stomach suddenly felt like jelly. “That’s true—” She jolted suddenly as somebody crashed into her from behind. Luka put his hands out quickly, catching her shoulders.

“Hey, sorry—oh, it’s the bug,” a voice said behind her, followed by a beleaguered sigh. Marinette’s expression twisted slightly before she put on her game face and turned around to face the man who’d run into her. He had a goatee and wore a jacket with a ruff around the neck like a lion’s mane. “Thought I left you behind.”

“What a surprise,” Marinette said, her voice dripping with sweetness as she turned away from him slightly to make sure Max was okay where he’d been knocked into the rail. Max gave her a slight nod as he straightened his glasses and got his footing, waving away Luka’s offered hand. “I thought the same about you,” she continued, turning her back to Leo with her fakest smile.

“Ladybug, Ladybug, fly away home,” he singsonged, and then sneered. “Before you get squashed.”

Marinette’s eyes narrowed, but she merely inspected her fingernails. “Not by you, apparently, considering how today’s match went.”

He went red in the face. “Listen, little bug—”

“Woah, rude much?” Luka said, folding his arms. “Come on, man, show some respect, we’re all competitors here.”

“And you are?”

“Luka,” he replied, a slight edge in his voice. “Viperion.”

“Oh, hey, Viperion. I’m Leo.” He held out his hand and leaned toward Luka, forcing Marinette to take a step back. She felt Max put a hand on her shoulder and squeeze, and tossed him a smile to show she was okay. “Nice to meet you, I didn’t know you were back this year. I watched you in the final a couple years ago, it was sick.”

Luka met his hand slowly and shook it. “Thanks,” he said, glancing at Marinette. “But we were talking, so if you don’t mind—”

“Oh, yeah, sure, I’m sure we’ll meet up again,” Leo said, taking a step back. “I’ll see you around, Viperion.”

“Not if I see you first,” muttered Luka as the guy walked away. He glanced at Marinette and Max. “You guys okay?”

“Yeah, of course,” Marinette chirped, with a hollow laugh. “He’s old news, I’m used to it.”

“That sucks,” Luka said bluntly, frowning. “You shouldn’t have to get used to that kind of crap,” he said, an edge of frustration in his voice that Marinette hadn’t heard from him even during the match. “Damnit, they were supposed to be stepping up enforcement of the sportsmanship guidelines when I left. I guess it fell through. Again,” he muttered, glancing at the bored looking official standing nearby.

“I gotta hand it to you, Ladybug—Marinette,” he continued. “You’re tough as nails, and not just in a match.” He glanced back in the direction Leo had gone and grinned. “You kicked his ass, huh?”

Marinette grinned back. “Wiped the floor with him.”

“Sweet.” Luka held out his hand for a fist bump and Marinette obliged.

“It won’t matter in a month,” Max said with certainty. “I don’t even need to calculate the odds; he won’t make it out of the bottom before the cutoff.” He adjusted his glasses. “His mech is powerful but his strategy is inconsistent and short-sighted.”

Luka blinked, glancing at Marinette, who shrugged and grinned. “If Max said it, then it’s as good as fact.”

Luka chuckled. “Is that so? Should I even ask about my odds?”

“No,” Marinette said quickly, just as Max began, “Actually, without additional data my predictions are only thirty percent reliable beyond the third month—”

Luka went from chuckling to full on laughing. “You two are funny. Well hey, you’ve certainly got my respect if it matters. I’m a little surprised you’ve only just moved up to Master, you’re really good.”

Marinette made a face. “We couldn’t make the minimum match count last year. Too many school commitments. It’s easier to work around a university schedule.”

“Team Lucky Charm was the Diamond League champion for the last two years,” Max announced proudly, though Marinette blushed a touch at the open boasting.

“Well, welcome to the big leagues,” Luka grinned. “Like I said, I hope we’ll play again, Marinette.”

“Statistically probable,” Max began, but Marinette stepped lightly on his foot and he shut his mouth.

“Oh we will,” she promised, eyes narrowing slightly though a smile was tugging at her lips. “I’ll see you in the playoffs, if nothing else. Then again,” she smirked. “You may not find it as easy to leave me behind as you think. I’ll be on your ass all the way to the top of the ladder.”

Luka gave her a slow grin that made her insides go all wobbly again as he checked the time on his phone. “I’m looking forward to it,” he told her, giving her a quick wave as he turned to go. “Nice meeting you both. See you guys next time.”

Marinette raised a hand automatically to wave back. He shot her a positively roguish smile before disappearing into the crowd.

And to her horror, Marinette blushed. Hard.

Behind her, Max snickered. Marinette threw an elbow back into his gut, but he dodged and just laughed harder.

“You’re doing well, Marinette,” Max reassured her from the small window at the top of her screen. “Your rank has been increasing after every match event. You easily got out of the bottom 5% before the drop cutoff, and Team Lucky Charm continues to climb the ladder as well. I’m not sure why you’re so focused on this.”

“Because I’m losing , Max,” Marinette complained. “My win rate against Viperion sucks, and you can’t deny it.” She threw herself back in her chair with a huff. “And I can’t even be mad about it. I’m mean I’m mad about it, but I’m mad because he’s a great player and I deserved to lose every time.”

“It’s true that your win-loss record against him is—” Marinette shot Max a glare. “Suboptimal,” he offered, with an apologetic shrug. “However, you are improving against him every time and you did win your last match.”

“One,” Marinette groaned. “One match out of six. The stupid computer keeps matching us up.”

“The fact remains that you have been more successful as you gain more experience playing him,” Max pointed out. Then he smirked. “And I don’t believe you are as annoyed with being matched with Viperion at all.”

Marinette’s mouth drew into a pout. “Low, Max. So what if he’s cute? I still want to beat him.”

“I’m sure you do,” Max sniggered, and Marinette’s mouth dropped open.

“Max Kanté!” she gasped, grabbing a crumpled up piece of paper from her desk and pitching it at her webcam.

Max shrugged unrepentantly on the screen, unbothered by the projectile. “Kim has been my best friend for years. I am not as naive as people like to think.” He made a face. “Unfortunately.”

Marinette giggled.

“Admit it, Marinette,” Max said smugly, folding his arms. “You don’t hate Viperion.”

“No,” Marinette sighed. “I almost wish I could hate him, but I don’t.” He was just so...nice. And fun, honestly. She couldn’t even hate playing him because the more she played him, the more talkative he got, and she enjoyed his subtle trash talk and open teasing. It was...like playing with a friend.

A friend whose unreasonably attractive ass (not that she was looking) Marinette was determined to kick.

Marinette groaned and let her face fall onto the pile of interviews and match analyses she was going through again. Not that any of it had helped the first time. Or the fifth. Or the fiftieth.

“That doesn’t look good,” came a teasing voice from behind her.

“Hi Alya,” Marinette mumbled without looking up. “Don’t mind me, just wallowing my in my failures.”

“Still haven’t beaten that one guy, huh?” Alya asked with a grin, and Marinette heard her throw herself down onto the chaise. “Hi Max!”

“Hi Alya,” Max replied.

“So what’s his name again?” Alya asked. “Viper?”

“Viperion,” Marinette corrected. “And once. I’ve beaten him one time out of six.”

“Is he a jerk?” Alya asked. “I know you have a lot of trouble with those guys.”

Marinette tried to fight the smile that wanted to spread over her face, but Alya’s widening eyes proved it would be futile anyway. “He’s not a jerk. He’s...sweet, actually. And funny. He seems like a nice guy.”

“A very attractive nice guy,” Max snickered again.

“Ooooh,” Alya giggled, and Marinette sat up, glaring at her traitor of a partner.

“So, wait,” Alya sat backwards in Marinette’s second chair, leaning her arms on the back of it. “Let me get this straight.” She held up one hand and began to tick off her fingers. “He’s hot. He’s nice. You know he’s good with his hands—”

“Alya!”

“She’s not wrong.” Max nodded sagely. “It’s true that the speed at which he executes his combos requires a higher than average level of dexterity.”

“Max!” Marinette whirled to face him and scowled. She was so going to have words with Kim.

Alya just grinned wickedly and kept going. “He knows how to change things up and keep it interesting—”

“ Alya!”

“And he knows when to slow things down and when to go hard and fast—”

“ ALYA CÉSAIRE !”

Max burst out laughing and Alya raised her hands and eyebrows both. “You said it all girl, I’m just recapping!”

“Oh my God,” Marinette groaned, putting her head in her arms on her desk. “I didn’t say any of it like that!”

"Nevertheless, you did say it," Max pointed out, trying to smother his laughter without much success.

Marinette muffled her scream in her arms and then shot up, reaching for the computer. “Goodbye, Max. You better find a new partner because I have to go kill my best friend now.” She switched off the video call and dropped her head back into her arms.

“You liiiiiike this guy,” Alya teased.

“Yes,” Marinette muttered, giving into the inevitable.

Alya started slightly, sitting up straight. “Wait, what?”

Marinette raised her head. “I do like him,” she whined. “I really, really like him.”

“Does he have a girlfriend?” Alya asked, grinning.

Marinette sighed and pitched a gaming magazine at her. It fell open immediately to the well-worn interview. Marinette knew it practically by heart, but Alya raised her eyebrows and began reading aloud.

“Viperion, real name Luka Couffaine. Twenty years old—Ooh, an older man, Marinette—”

“Two years,” Marinette muttered, letting her face fall onto her arms. “Barely. Not a big deal.”

Alya continued to read what Marinette already knew; other hobbies included music and motorcycles, no girlfriend not that it mattered why did they even ask that—it all seemed to point to him being a laid back, relaxed kind of guy, who played because he genuinely enjoyed the game and was good at it. He was competitive enough to keep his edge but he didn’t take the competition too seriously.

“So how much time have you actually spent talking to him?” Alya asked, giving her a sharp look.

“We talk every time I play him,” Marinette said, sitting up in her chair. “He comes to find me after every match, shakes my hand and says I played a good game, and we chat for a few minutes about whatever.” She was starting to look forward to their short conversations, to his rough hand enveloping hers and the lilt in his smooth voice when he teased her. Even if Max gave her hell afterwards because even he wasn’t so obsessed with his numbers that he couldn’t tell something was going on. Marinette might not be the stuttering, blushing mess

“How’d he do when you beat him?” Alya asked, eyebrows raised, and Marinette turned away to straighten the knick knacks on her desk so that Alya wouldn’t see her smile.

“Just the same. He seemed just as happy as when he wins. All he said was not to get too comfortable because we’re not in the playoffs yet.” Her smile fell slightly. “Which is true,” she sighed. “If I can’t beat him in the finals it doesn’t matter how many rank matches I win. He can afford a loss or two, even to me.”

“Even to you,” Alya echoed with a scoff. “Marinette, you’re the best UMS player I’ve ever seen.”

Marinette refrained from pointing out that Alya hadn’t actually seen that many. “That doesn’t always matter,” she shrugged. “Guys don’t like getting beat by a girl. Really, our rankings are so close that losing to me doesn’t hurt him that much. He doesn’t lose anything by being nice to me.”

“But…” Alya raised her eyebrows, and Marinette blushed.

“He’s nice to everybody,” she said with a small shrug, turning to her desk and tossing another magazine Alya’s way. “He’s a popular player. Not only is he a former champion but he’s personable and he has such a unique playing style, his matches get a lot of traffic on the livestream. They interview him a lot—”

“Probably doesn’t hurt that he’s cute,” Alya commented. “From a marketing perspective, he’s a great face to put out there to the public. Helps dispel the idea that all gamers are—” Her eyes darted towards the screen where Max had been a moment ago. “Nerds,” she finished finally with an apologetic shrug.

Marinette rolled her eyes but conceded the point. “He talks about sportsmanship and not taking yourself too seriously in almost every interview,” she said, pointing to the magazine in Alya’s hands. She herself had it practically memorized.

Q. I understand you’ve been calling for the league to up the enforcement of their sportsmanship practices. There’s been discussions about implementing a fine or rank penalty for unsportsmanlike behavior.

A. Yeah, I have, and I think that’s really important. I mean, when it comes down to it, we’re all here to play the game because we love it. Of course the money matters, but it’s not the only thing that matters. Making money off something you love is great in theory but if you let the thought of the money take all the joy out of what you’re doing, then you might as well work a desk job and let your hobbies stay hobbies. We’re not gladiators fighting to the death. We lose nothing by treating our opponents with respect, no matter whether it’s a girl or a guy, or somebody younger or older than you or with a different skin color, we’re all here because we love the game, and we ought to respect that love in other people. Bottom line, the league has guidelines in place for a reason and they should be enforced.

Marinette wasn’t sure how that made her feel. Really, he was right; the league was too lax about enforcing their sportsmanship guidelines across the board, and players like Marinette and Max suffered the most for it. A certain amount of trash talk was accepted but using abusive language or attacking a player’s sex, sexuality, or race was supposed to be against the rules, but she’d seen those rules enforced only a handful of times in any of the leagues she’d played in, and without any penalty to back it up, the rules largely went ignored.

Alya’s whistle snapped her back to reality. “Girl, you’ve got it bad. I haven’t seen you this deep in lala land since—”

Marinette groaned and put her head in her hands. “No. No, Alya, I can’t do this again,” she whined. “He’s older, he’s cool, he’s probably got a million people interested in him, and I’m—”

“You.” Alya began ticking off her fingers. “You’re a brilliant designer and a super creative mind. You’re also like, the nicest of the nice when you’re not in a competition. You know famous people—”

“One famous person.”

“Jagged Stone. Nadia Chamack. My mother.”

Marinette sighed, slumping. “Fine.”

“I’m just saying, don’t give up before you even talk to the guy,” Alya said, getting up to sit in Marinette’s second desk chair and take Marinette’s hands in hers. “I know the last time shook you up but you’re still an amazing person and just because Adrien couldn’t see it doesn’t mean that no one else will.”

Marinette managed a half-hearted smile and some kind of response that must have satisfied Alya, because before long her best friend was chattering on about other topics.

The thing was, Alya just didn’t understand. Many, many of the male gamers Marinette met were very nice, normal people, a small percentage were a little too eager to be friendly, some were fine until she beat them and then they became cold and closed-mouthed around her.

Then there were some who were downright hostile from the first moment she stepped in. Those nasty standouts were the reason she leaned into her Ladybug persona, separating Marinette from the gaming world as much as possible. Her hoodie and mask makeup were armor as much as branding, allowing her to slip into a tough shell that could handle the abuse hurled at her.

She could see it in Max, too, the difference between his everyday self and Pegasus. As her partner he both witnessed the vitriol flung at her and came in for a fair share himself, and not just because of his association with her. She felt guilty about it but Max had stood by her even when she suggested he might be better off with a male partner, so she did her best to keep up her bluster and sharpen her tongue to shield her sensitive partner from the worst of the abuse. Team Lucky Charm always showed up to the matches with their game faces on, Pegasus behind his dark glasses and Ladybug with her blue eyes burning defiance from her red and black mask.

Marinette and Max had agreed to make the commitment to move up to the Master League because they both had big plans and big dreams. Marinette depended on her gaming winnings to support her more experimental designs, which, when they went well, earned her more commissions. Every commission took her one step closer to her dream of owning her own boutique line. Max used his gaming money to fund his robotics research and experimentation. Both their dreams were on the line. No matter how much fun she had playing Viperion, sooner or later, they’d be out of these rank matches and facing each other in playoff elimination matches. She had to figure out how to beat him before then.

Ladybug couldn’t afford to be getting soft over a velvet voice, a slow smile, and gentle eyes, no matter how many butterflies took flight in her stomach when she talked to him. No matter how good of a guy he was, Ladybug needed to beat Viperion.

#quickspins #killer combo #gamer au #reverse crush #lukanette #i am lukanette trash i admit it #luka couffaine #marinette dupain-cheng #miraculousladybug #miraculous ladybug #ml fics #lukanette endgame #endgame lukanette

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takaraphoenix · 4 years ago

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This may or may not be a touchy question (I guess it depends?), but how do you deal with hate with people who don't particularly like your work or the pairings you like? Because I've seen a fair amount of people stop creating content they want to make because of the backlash or hate they get simply for shipping something, so I do wonder... How do you do it? After all these years, how are you still standing, head held up high? – Much love! <3

I suppose a huge part in that is... personality? I mean, what type of person one is. Some people are very sensitive and negativity gets to them heavily.

Which, is ironic, because I am normally that type of person. I always overthink what other people may think of me and in real life I am easily deterred.

But something about the internet changes the dynamic for me.

If it’s in person? If someone looks me in the eye and criticizes the things I like? That has me fuming. But ain’t nothing more unpersonal than getting an anon and having this round fella with the sunglasses stare at you, or having a “guest” on AO3 comment something nasty.

Because they’re cowards. And the cowardice of the other party tells me that, so a certain degree, they themselves know they’re full of shit. Because if they were confident in what they’re saying, if they knew they were right with whatever they’re claiming, there’s no need to go anon. They could tell me “to my face” - as much as the internet allows that; by being logged in and starting a dialogue.

But someone who hides behind the grey round fella with the sunglasses to tell me I’m morally wrong? Makes me genuinely laugh. Because if I were, you had no reason to hide.

(At this point, I’d like to add, since you’re on anon too, that there’s different reasons for going on anon. Sometimes, it’s shyness. But if you think yourself morally superior to someone and want to ring the bell of shame behind them, you can’t hide behind anonymity. That’s different.)

I just really can’t take people seriously who hide in the shadows of anonymity to scream at me about how wrong I am. You’d do that with confidence if you knew you were right. But they’re wrong and full of shit. Because they are.

There is no “right” or “wrong” about taste. A ship ain’t only valid for being morally upstanding, pure, canon, whatever. And a person ain’t inherently vile for shipping something that’s unleathy, or toxic, or whatever buzzword they throw around.

Which is another part. I just... absolutely can not take anyone seriously who throws buzzwords around wildly and with no foundation, because they lack any common sense.

Yeah, they’re brothers and it’s incest, what do I care, they’re also fictional characters, I ain’t telling two real life brothers to bang and get married, what’s wrong with the people who can’t tell fiction apart from reality. That’s just pitiful.

I’ve also seen the other side of that. I’ve seen antis ship the exact thing that they’re judging, insulting and harrassing other shippers for. From incest to abuse apologism to just plain toxic canon dynamics. All the things they find a justification to harrass others about, but they ship things of that kind themselves. But their ships are ““different”“ from the ones they hate.

It all boils down to taste and it boils down to a bunch of morons who can’t grasp the concept of “taste” and the fact that... you can like something without it being pure and you can dislike something without it being every shade of morally corrupt.

They bend over backward to find justifications for why the ships they dislike are inherently bad, while they also bend over backward to justify why the exact same things they judge other ships for are actually wholesome and pure in the ships they like.

And at that point, I just genuinely feel bad for those people and am terrified for them. Because I am fully aware of what I ship. I know every deprived nook and cranny of my ships. I know the exact level of toxicity of the canon dynamics. I’m just also aware that they’re fictional characters. But the moment you start reaching to justify why abuse isn’t technically abuse, that’s when it becomes worrisome. And that’s what they do, to justify their own ships.

Now, I’m not gonna lie, this isn’t an attitude I always had and it’s not something I just woke up with one day.

I’ve been in fandom for 15 years now. I’ve seen a lot and I’ve dealt with a lot. I’ve seen when shipwars were primarily reserved to the canon straight love triangles. I’ve seen it devolve into “your ship isn’t valid the gays are getting in the way of the CANON STRAIGHTS”. I’ve seen the number of canon gays grow in media and how it affected these ship wars, invalidating ships where a canon gay ship was split up. And now this shit-show of antis.

My attitude grew out of seeing and experiencing a lot. I was lucky to be “raised” in a safe fandom environment, where the fandom olds took us youngsters under their wings and guided us, taught us how to improve our writing, helped us establish connections in a community.

And that last part, that’s important. Important in dealing with hate. Maybe the most important part, really. You have to find your community. Don’t let yourself be sucked into a circle of hate. Find the people who love the same things as you - the same show, the same characters, the same ships. Form friendships, find that community of positivity.

Fandom is what you make it. Even when other people try to make it something else, try to turn it into a hateful, gross place filled with harrassment and fear and moral policing. Regardless of how hard they try; your fandom is up to you.

Find the people who bring the positivity, who will come into your fics and leave reviews of love and positivity. And weed out the bad. Block them. Block the antis in your fandom, avoid them. Sometimes, preemtively going into an anti tag and just going on a block-spree can be really helpful already. You can block anons on tumblr too! Granted, only their ID, but at one point they’re gonna run out of devices to post anon hate from.

That much to my personal attitude toward it. Now to the act of actually dealing with it.

Many adivse, rightfully so, to ignore it. AO3 allows you to delete comments. On tumlr, you can just delete an anon and not answer it. Especially when you’re the type who is affected by it, not engaging is the best solution.

Personally, I like arguing with people. Everyone who ever talked to me might have noticed that. I live for a good argument. And I’m really bad at letting something just stand. So I usually argue back. I do that, because I am very bad at keeping my mouth shut, but also because it brings me a certain amount of glee to mock their nonsense.

I do it here. I have my “Dear Anonymous Shithead” tag where I address anon bullshit and anon hate from FFNet and AO3 - because FFNet doesn’t let you answer to anons. And then I delete the original comments on my fics, because I don’t like shitstains on my fics.

I call that approach meeting them on your own terms. Because they think they are doing something grand somehow by publicly leaving their vile comments on your fics. Delete them, take their voice away. Put it somewhere else to argue their nonsense on your own terms, mock them if you want, it’s fun. Fight your battle, the way you want to fight it - and that does include just deleting them and not engaging at all; that’s not running away, that’s self-care.

Like I said, my attitude’s not always been like that. It got me before too. Way, way back - and I really do mean way back, it’s been surely over five years ago - there was a tumblr account on here that spent an unreasonable amount of time openly hating on me. It’s the reason I avoided getting a tumblr, because back then I was not in a mental state to openly engage with such a hateful place.

And it’s still a hateful place; all those anti communities here. People proudly proclaiming they’re antis in their biography. People taking screenshots of other tumblrs or artists to mock them and make fun of them. The thing that changed isn’t tumblr, it’s me. I waited to engage with this place until I was ready to engage with it. I got my tumblr account when I already had the attitude of scoffing at anon hate.

I do think that only getting actively involved in a website when you are ready for it is another important part. The thing you mention in your ask, the people who stopped creating because of anon hate. It breaks my heart, it absolutely does, and I hate losing creators to it, but I do think that if those creators made that judgment call for themselves and their own mental health because they knew they couldn’t handle the harrassment, then they did the right thing. Even if they themselves may hate it, because they want to create. But sometimes, taking a step back is the right thing to do. I do hope that they will find it in themselves to overcome this and come back stronger, but constant harrassment and bullying can have severe consequences on a person and removing yourself from that kind of environment can sometimes be a last resort that needs to be taken.

I’ll also admit that I’ve been calculating what fandom to interact with to what degree ever since I got a tumblr account and started to see just how deep the hatred goes. Some things I might have created for, but I saw just how nasty the antis in the fandom were and... it wasn’t worth the fight for me.

Percy Jackson and Shadowhunters are my loves. My ride-or-die fandoms. I can, and will, fight for them. No one will chase me out of these fandoms, regardless of what kinds of insults and bullshit they throw at me. I’ve been here years longer than most of these newbie antis and I will be here long after they moved on to other things.

New things that I don’t have attachment to, I will weight if my level of interest in the thing will be worth engaging with the fandom nonsense with. Sometimes, it’s not, sometimes I make the judgment call for myself to step a way from a thing.

I admit, that happend with Teen Wolf too. Back when I did my last rewatch and enthusiastically engaged with it on here on tumblr, live posting about my rewatch and it... showed me startling, ugly sides of this fandom that I hadn’t known before, back when all my engagement had been to read fics and to write that one fic I had. That rewatch could have dragged me back into the deep end - but the brand of hate I encountered here... genuinely got to me. It really messed with my head, a lot, I’ve never been threatened before, I’ve never been insulted and constantly harrassed to such a degree. It was the first time I ever turned off anon on here, it put me into a sense of dread for just coming online for a while. I didn’t expect that, neither that it’d happen nor the extend of it or that it’d get to me like this. I still love Sterek to bits and pieces, it’ll be one of those ships I will always be attached to, but that experience with the bad side of the fandom made me recoil from getting involved with Teen Wolf again.

But in the Percy Jackson fandom? I’ve stood here for ten years now. I’ve gotten shit thrown at me about pretty much anything. I’ve also created over five hundred works for this fandom. I have received love and excitement in comments. I have received fanarts. I have received fanfiction to my fics. I’ve gotten fics dedicated to me by people who liked my work and wanted to write something nice for me. I’ve met one of my best friends and I’ve met my girlfriend in this fandom. Sure, I’ve been called names and been mocked, but I also know what I have.

I know I’m a damn good writer. I may not have much self-esteem, but what little self-esteem I have is located here, in the very thing they think they can attack. The thing is, I have no insecurities in this. This is the one area where you can’t attack me. And on top of that, I have that community of amazing people who love the same things as I do. I have the support, the friends, the shared hype. What do I care about some pitiful little fool hiding behind anonymity to whine about how wrong and gross I am? Their opinion weights nothing compared to that of the people who leave me anon love, who leave me squealy and excited comments.

To sum it all up:

Someone who has to hide behind anonymity is aware they don’t have the moral high ground.

Their definition of the “moral high ground” is so pitiful that it makes me feel bad for them.

I know the difference between fiction and reality and I pity the fools who don’t.

Find a positive fandom space for yourself and claim it.

Either delete anon hate, or meet it on your own terms.

Sometimes, I don’t. Sometimes, I lose and the hate does get to me.

You need to make the judgment call for yourself, if you can mentally handle a situation or not, and do what is best for you.

#About Me #Fandom Life #How To Handle Antis #Fandom Discourse #and how to handle that #Phoe Giving Advise #Anonymous

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sienna-writes · 4 years ago

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3, 9, 13, and 15 pls!!

—3; what order do you write in? Front of book to back? Chronological? Favourite scenes first? Something else?

Oh gosh... My writing process is so messy! I do, primarily, write linearly. However... When I get stuck/I'm finding a scene or chapter difficult I move to later events in the novel or more exciting scenes. Sometimes this even helps me work through the block! I pants, so sometimes the future scenes help me figure out what might have happened in the previous scenes I'm stuck on!

As I say, I do tend to write linearly. However, for context, the first 21673 words are chronological, and the next 7223 consist of future scenes, and a half finished chapter :")

—9; what, if anything, do you do for inspiration?

listen to music! brainstorm! romantisice my characters and plot in my head to hype myself up! go through my pinterest boards! watch writing vlogs!

—13; your strengths as an author!

Imagery! My poetry is very imagery heavy, and my prose is too. Maybe too flowery?

It's simultaneously my strength and weakness, I've been focusing lately on fine tuning and cleaning up my prose so I can strike the right balance. I'm really happy with my writing style at the moment. It's undergone alot of change in the past months, I feel like now I have the time to write (and read!!!) I've been improving rapidly.

—15; why did you start writing?

This question doesn't really have a distinct answer! When I was younger before I could write properly I was obsessed with the idea of being able to write, and I still have a notebook from that time (I must have been five or six) full of scribbles. My parents told me I would look around me and scribble as if I were a reporter, which I thought was really funny.

When we were learning how to write in school, whenever I got home I would spend hours and hours and hours practising my handwriting, copying out entire books (mainly Dr Seuss because I loved him), and doodling and writing completely incoherent stories.

I would devour books when I got better at reading, and then I'd just write constantly whenever I had the time. And then, honestly, I kind of... Stopped? When I got to high school I was so paralysingly anxious and dissociated and going through stuff that I didn't have time or the energy to write anymore. The only thing I'd write were journal entries trying to make sense of what I was going through. Then I found POETRY!! this is so cringe, and everyone says this, but it saved me somewhat! I absolutely adore poetry! It's my favourite form to write in, for SURE.

The only prose writing I'd do until I was about fifteen (we took a three fuckin year break lads, whEW) would be for school. Eventually, I got back to it, and started writing flash fiction and short stories, which I also love. And now I'm writing SO much! literally SO MUCH! I'm so proud of myself, I've improved alot, I'm finally finding my style without the restrictions of assignments. I'm writing my first novel! I've finished the poetry collection I started in January!

I'm an incredibly anxious, underconfident person. I am terrible in social situations, I don't really have any close friends, I've left high school now (onto college for me thank GOD!) but I would eat my lunch in the toilets alone to escape the noise and *bullying*. Email is the only way I could talk to teachers, for a long time. Writing has always been my safety net, the way I could communicate, and my teachers have always complimented me on it. (Bless all English teachers honestly, absolute SWEETHEARTS!)

sorry for rambling, woAh!

(This ask was from a while ago, sorry to the anon who asked these, I didn’t feel it was right to post writing related stuff while much more poignant and important discussions were being had. That being said, the black lives matter movement needs to maintain momentum, even if its not a “trending” issue. People should always be active in standing up against injustice or predjudice etc. I haven’t been as outspoken on this platform as perhaps I should have been, however, I have been donating, signing petitions, and speaking out primarily on my instagram where I have a much larger following than I do here. Only 49 people follow my tumblr (I’m a newbie writeblr screaming into the void), whereas 853 people follow my instagram. I have been doing my bit, I promise, and I will continue to do so, as my platform on Instagram is generally where I am most of the time. It’s also where I share posts related to feminism, lgbtq issues, disability, mental illness, poc issues etc.)

#writing #writer asks #writer #writer community #writeblr #anxiety #mental illness

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wickednerdery · 6 years ago

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Title: War and Ruin Author: @wickednerdery Fandom: The Night Manager Pairing/character: Jonathan Pine/Female Assassin Rating: Mature Summary: “No one’s beyond help.” Notes: Like with Death, War and Ruin are not real names nor are they meant to be War and/or Ruin literally. The masterlist is here. This one’s mainly just got a murder…for that and consistency, “Read More”.

He knows CIA operative Joel Steadman lives in this quiet neighborhood outside Washington DC and, while friendly, mainly keeps to himself and his work. No family, no significant other, no one about to pop over the house unexpectedly. He knows there are cameras and an alarm system, yet these have been disabled for two days without being addressed. Perhaps the agent’s too tech-illiterate to realize there’s a problem or, perhaps, he’s merely too lazy to get them back online. It hardly matters.

What does matter is that Steadman’s home office, like so many in this field, is filled with the man’s work...files, notes, off-site research. All those classified documents taken home for examination that workdays filled with filings and meetings simply don’t allow. Ironic: all those efforts taken to protect asset identities and information only to carry it all off somewhere totally exposed.

Shadows give way in the lighting up of a neighbor’s lawn as its dog excitedly barks his knowledge to the winds. War’s come to town. The man slips back into the dark, waits to ensure the dog’s dismissed, brought in under scolds for barking at nothing, then carries on as the spotlight times out. No one suspects, no one thinks to worry, not even the federal agent.

“So...we all know about your dealings with international businesses, your philosophy on improving and maintaining not just a peoples’, but also company’s, wellbeing...”

Ruin smiles, near blushes, at the clichéd opener.

“...But apparently you’re concerned about wellbeing beyond that as well.” The newswoman finds his flushing face remarkably charming, even sweet. “You have a number of non-profit children’s homes both in your homeland of Australia and across Europe, but are hoping to expand into the States as well now, is that right?”

“Yeah.” His voice is gravely, but pleasant. “Yeah, I do. You know, the way I see it, children’s wellbeing is paramount. Whatever a child feels growing up, that’s what they carry into adulthood, carry on to their work, their families...the world.”

“And your organization works with a very specific set of children...”

It’s leading, so Ruin dives in. “RUIN - Refuge for the Underage, Indigent, and Neglected - tends to take in those who are, sorta, already on the wrong end of things.”

“The wrong end of things?”

“Those born below the poverty line, to places without a support structure already in place for them. Those born into addiction and violence and all manner of...” he thinks of the wording “deficits that may go beyond even what one might expect from a child taken in by social services.”

“Some would say there’s risk in that. How do you get others to back you in a project that, many may argue, is little more than throwing money at those beyond help?” It’s meant to be a challenge, but her smile remains.

“No one’s beyond help.”

War makes quick work of the backdoor lock, slips into the kitchen scanning everything around him. He knows the house, studied its layout long before tonight, but he checks and double checks. Everything is as it should be; nothing but a faint light coming from the office upstairs as another American works long past his workday.

He calculates: lure Steadman down and risk an armed agent or slip up and risk a witness via mobile or computer? He chooses the latter and climbs carefully, avoiding the parts he already knows will creak and give him away. Outside the door he listens, takes in the man’s deep voice and analyzes it for cadence and vocabulary...there’s no suggestion he’s speaking to anyone but himself, his work.

“Can you speak to that? Any success stories?”

Ruin smiles. “I don’t wanna name names, part of what we wanna do is give these kids a new start, a chance to distance themselves from where and what they came from, but...” the smile turns mischievous “I will say some of our early graduates have gone on to become doctors and lawyers, giants in the tech and business industries.”

“Graduates?”

“We don’t just house them, that’s...that’s what other places do, are for. At RUIN we educate them, prepare them for the next step after us. It’s not just aging out, it’s graduating.”

Deep breath, turn in, and two bullets fire into Steadman’s head before the man can even think to look up. Double-tap and two more for good measure. War’s breath hitches as he watches that proverbial light in the other go out, his lips lift at one corner in the pleasure of success.

He slips gun back in holster, pulls on gloves from pocket, and begins to rifle. He grabs files, notebooks, loose leafs. It’s all out in the open, not even the vaguest semblance of coding...not even on the agent’s phone. Shoving the man from his chair War gives it a spin, then another as he plops down to begin downloads. The computer is also an open book, spreading under the man’s fingertips as he types.

“God, I love the dumb ones....” War licks lips as he glances around the desk. Amongst the paperclips and Post-Its is a framed photo of Joel Steadman with a woman...Caucasian, same approximate age, significantly shorter in stature. “Hmmm...” he leans over, picks it up. “Who might you be....?” A closer look reveals dark, curly, hair and pleasant face with smart, searching, eyes.

“What principles, if any, do you carry over from your success in business to your philanthropic work?”

The man shifts, thinking over the answer. An answer that will ring true, that is true. “Give someone a purpose, have a purpose.”

“Purpose? Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Not passion or sense of community or -”

“Nah, see, those are good. They are important. But not as much as purpose. Passion without purpose can become chaos and a community inevitably falls apart if its people don’t have their own sense of purpose. Purpose...” he smiles “Give someone purpose and they’ve something to work, to live, for. They’ve a reason for existing.”

Tongue flicks out, runs across lips, as War scans his surroundings with vague interest. When the hotelier speaks he turns back. “Yes, thank you. Could you hold any calls I might get tonight or tomorrow? I’m afraid it was a very long celebration and I’d like not to be disturbed, please.”

“Yes, sir...Did you at least enjoy yourself, I hope?”

War chuckles. “Very much.”

The man smiles. “Glad to hear it. Have a good night, sir.”

“Thank you.” He heads up, locks and checks room, then texts from a secure mobile:

To: Ruin Ceremony was perfect. Got swag bag for you. Home tomorrow evening.

Pine gets the news over encrypted app message and he understands why. Security aside, Angela’s likely in no state to speak on it. Whatever she and Steadman had went beyond a business relationship and, he suspects, beyond a simple friendship as well.

He wonders what happened, how a CIA operative can be killed in his own home without there being any witnesses, any evidence. Pine wonders what information they might’ve taken and what they might plan to do with it. He wonders who it was.

Jonathan also wonders if, perhaps, Death might know something…

So, first and foremost, I’ll clarify any potential confusion: this piece goes back and forth between War (assassinating CIA agent Joel Steadman who worked the Roper case with Angela Burr & Pine) and Ruin (being interviewed on a UK talk show) with a bit of Pine finding out Steadman was murdered at the end. Thought it a good intro for the newbies - an arm’s dealing assassin and human trafficking semi-retired assassin - and you’ll learn more about them as we go...though next piece is most likely Pine and Death again, lol!

(Gifs found from Google, combined by me)

Tags: @sleepless-nights-with-your-king @chibiyanai, @my-world-of-imagines @lokilvrr @rizzo87 @tarithenurse @creedslove @wadeyouwitch @annievvv7 @cassadius @lady-crowned-with-stars @moonfaery @wintertink @holykryptonitekitten @musiclovertjeever @ultrarebelheart @lukeevansandjdmobession @merlinspantsandbeard @alexakeyloveloki @kimanne723 @mysacredstardust …If anyone wants on or off this list please just let me know! (Strike-throughs are those Tumblr wouldn’t allow proper tagging of.)

#jonathan pine #The Night Manager #joel steadman #angela burr #fanfiction #death #aka pine's lover #war and ruin #assassins #spies #my writing #not my gif #but kinda my gif #encounters with death

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srebrnafh · 6 years ago

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I haven’t been here long

I mean, I set my tumblr account up some time ago, yes, but I count active usage sometime from February this year. Like, when I started to interact with people and looking for stuff to follow...

So basically, I’m a newbie. I don’t know if certain things work like they do because they always did or because there is some deep meaning behind it (cue the old joke about cutting the turkey in half).

But as I’m using this site and several others (wordpress, twitter, Facebook, G+, blabler (which is like twitter in Polish), plus several different IMs and I’ve been around when ICQ was a new and fresh idea, so I’m basically as old as dirt compared to some) I have some observations as to what little tweaks to how the site works could have potentially made it so much more a happy place. Little stuff that gets on my nerves SO MUCH.

1. Notifications

1.1. They don’t work. I use tumblr on my ipad as an app and through chrome AND I use chrome on my laptop. There are situations when EACH shows me a different set of notifications. Including the fact that the ones through WWW don’t show me replies to my posts where I would have loved to reply back.

1.2. Everything is mixed up. I wish I could have likes in one tab, reblogs in another and replies in another. If I was fanciful, I’d like to see separation between reactions to my original stuff and to the reblogs AND to the reblogs which I commented on when posting. Because I feel I’d like to have it properly categorised, in a way.

1.3. Ability to see further reblogs of what I reblogged (case in point: someone posts a prompt; I reblog with some comment and promise I’ll write it; another person reblogs and asks to be tagged (I see that) and ANOTHER reblogs that and asks to be tagged (I don’t get a notification...!) - if they don’t specifically tag me there)

2. Single/in blog/in dashboard posts difference. WHY? WHY...!? Why the ripple button is only when I check the post through the dashboard and not when I just open it single? That means checking the reblog tree of something requires me to click and search for where I posted it...! Why can’t we have “reply” button on all of these options? Why in mobile www version ‘reply” is now gone? Why editing from single post page reloads into the main dashboard page (forces load of the whoooole everything that is going on there AND the editor on top) when in all kinds of blogging systems editing just loads the editor control...?

3. Replies - can’t edit them, can’t delete them (or maybe I don’t know how...?), if I post one too quickly, it’s done and can’t take it back...

4. The ipad app - dear heaven’s that is a pain in the backside!

4.1. Mobile site redirects me to the app on EVERY BLOODY CLICK. If I wanted to used the stupid app, I would have opened the stupid app. I like opening stuff in new tabs and I want to open stuff in tabs, dammit.

4.2. THEN if I by accident clicked on someone’s picture or who the hell knows what, the stupid mobile app opens bloody SAFARI to show me that picture. Because ipod apps are, as a rule, trying to use Safari, whatever I do. Which is infuriating, because I use CHROME. Why can’t they just... stay in the original browser if the app is going to open the bloody SECOND browser anyway?

Yeah, so, ranting.

Because why improve the user experience when you can just get rid of your userbase, right?

#rants #tumblr #features #user experience #ux

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if-music-be-the-food-of-love · 2 years ago

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Do you have any tips for writing? Or do you just have an unbelievable natural talent?

Oh.

I don’t— I don’t even know how to answer this bc…😭😭😭🥺🥺🥺🥰🥰🥰 I would not consider myself talented at all 😫 I personally feel like I’m breaking all the rules when I write bc I don’t know them, the do’s and don’ts. I read an article the other day, and I def did everything on their “never do this” list. I look at other ppl’s writing and constantly think “dammit, I’ll never be that good!” So I dunno. I’m just making it up as I go along and learning a bit more each time. I still feel like a newbie even tho I’ve been writing fic for 2 years now. Since I never wrote before that, I feel like I’m playing catch up all the time. So yeah, no idea if this made sense, but I was blown away and am kinda reeling about your ask. Like, “who me?” So thank you from the bottom of my heart 💕💕💕 gonna turn into a puddle now 😭

To get to the other part, I did answer an ask awhile back that included suggestions for writing motivation and what works for me (again with the caveat that I’m more familiar with nonfiction writing). It’s super long, but I think it applies to your ask. I’ll link it here. There’s a lot of info there. I will say. I did try writing sprints after I wrote this, and honestly they got me thru last year’s Skam Big Bang. I’m easily distracted, but the sprints kept me focused. No sneaking off to tumblr 😂. And I also liked seeing how much progress I was making in real time. So yeah, sprints are great!

Other advice I didn’t mention in that post:

Write what makes you happy, what excites you, what brings you joy. It’s so easy to get bogged down with “will anyone like this? ” It doesn’t matter. Unless you’re trying to publish, which is a whole diff world outside of my experience, fic writing is for you and about you. It’s about your love for the characters or the show or the world. You’re sharing that love with ppl, and whether 30 or 300 or 3000 ppl read it, you’ve made someone’s life better. I still struggle with this, but in the end I ask myself what matters most, being proud of my story and being happy that I wrote it, or the kudos? I have a fic with 11 kudos, and that’s okay. So I guess what I’m trying to say is don’t focus on the numbers. Focus on writing what makes you happy. (Also the age old, write what you know 😂—but I have a whole shadowhunters collection, and I’ve def never swung a sword or fought a demon, so...).

So in a similar vein, there’s also the “is this any good?” question that haunts us. Honestly, just put words on the paper!! It doesn’t matter. Try something new. Experiment. See what you’ve got in you. You’ll never know if you don’t try. Try try again. You’ll grow and improve and learn about yourself, but that only works if you start somewhere. Fic writing isn’t about being a perfect, great literary author, it’s about finding joy in sharing the story that’s in your head with ppl who also love those characters. Plenty of ppl slap up unedited stories. There’s no expectation. We’re out there having fun. And anyway, writing is a process, your stories will improve from one to the next. Just keep writing.

Don’t be afraid to take ideas from real life. So many of my fics are grounded in reality. Anything can be inspiration for a story. I had an ER nurse who looked like Merlin, and a sobbe fic was born (odd correlation, i know). I got bogged down thinking about how kinnporsche got their shirts off while handcuffed together, and another sobbe fic was born. You can also use fic/plot generators or ask for prompts if you need ideas.

I don’t do this bc I don’t like being bombarded by information, but a lot of ppl follow writing and author’s blogs. They give out great advice, and Neil Gaiman in particular is very active and often adds to posts.

Internet searches are your best friend. I have at least 30 tabs open when I’m writing fic. A thesaurus tab and all kinds of research tabs. You can google anything. Need to know what exact set list Queen with Adam Lambert played in Brussels in 2019, you can find that. (I did, haha). Sometimes it helps to ground your story in reality so that it feels more real to you. Will anyone notice? Probably not, but we can get a lot of enjoyment out of our research dives, and you’ll know, which is all that matters.

Read, read, read. As I said before, I never wrote stories, nor did I study creative writing. But i read a hell of a lot. I think that helps. I understand plot and character. I know grammar. I know the mechanics of story writing. I think there’s something to be said that the more you expose yourself to the literary world, the more you will be able to function within it. You’ll pick up on how things are done--plot organization, character development, etc. Also sometimes it can be just as helpful to learn what not to do.

I don’t know if this is even remotely helpful. I hope it is. I am a very insecure writer, and I still don’t think of myself as one. I’m still surprised I’ve written half a million words of fic. I hope this came across as more hopeful and helpful than negative nancy, but i do understand the woes and struggles of writing too. Please let me know if there’s something more specific. This was very general.

I apologize for the length of this and for the length of the linked ask. You know me, I always write too much. I wish you all the best in your writing journey, and I hope to read your work some day!!! Thank you for this ask and for blowing my mind and making my day and making me cry. 💕💕💕

#my asks #writing stuff #lovely anons

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ishikawadesu · 6 years ago

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Let’s talk about our favorite actors

…or why I like a certain actor to be more precise lol. I haven’t been around here much and I’ve just been reading when I have time, so I took @leenaevilin's post as a chance to talk a little about it, because liking an actor can really become a big thing to a fan, especially when you are having a hard time.

If I'm honest, I've been around this fandom for years so I have liked several actors: Aiba Hiroki, Kato Kazuki, Yagami Ren, Baba Toru, Kubota Yuki, Aoki Tsunenori... yeah, Tenimyu actors lol. I've always been a fan of Tenimyu since Hyoutei came out and that was around 2004-2005 so I've been following some actors and the 2.5D fandom since then. And now I don't have a favorite actor but two and I think you already know: Kuroba Mario and Sakiyama Tsubasa.

So better I start using a cut since this was longer than expected orz.

Let's start with Mario. If I'm honest, I wasn't a big fan of the Golden Pair or Kikumaru, but something about him that is very charming came to my attention when I was watching Tenimyu: his smile (and he was taller than Oishi! lol) and his name. I thought he was such a very sweet Kikumaru... or Kikumario? xD It was funnier when one time, his Seigaku mates "bullied" him a little because he was so quiet compared to the character lol and he actually admited he was totally different from the character as well.

But I think I started to be a real fan when he was casted in Toumyu, so thanks to him, I started to watch the musicals, watch the anime, play the game (I'm not the type to play much so my citadel is still newbie even if I have been playing for almost two years orz) and watch the stage play as well. Also, you can note how much he has improved since Tenimyu, his personality, his acting and his voice, so I feel proud and happy to have been able to see that change. And we are near his birthday so he is going to be 25 soon! So you can say Mario brought me to Touken Ranbu and everything related to that, including... Tsubasa xD

So now how I met Tsubasa... precisely because of Toumyu lol. Of course, when I first started to like Toumyu and watching the Trial Version and Atsukashiyama Ibun, aside from Mario, the other two actors I already knew were Sato Ryuji and Ohira Shunya. So the other three were new to me, but something about Tsubasa just dragged me to know more about him... and his lips lol. But since I knew nothing about him, I started to investigate and I found a lot of pleasant things actually, like... how can he play so different characters??? He was rather new to the industry and he already had done so much, so I was just amazed by his talent. I still remember I hadn't realized at first the actor who played Abarai Renji in the last Burimyu was actually him lol. And we have something in common... same age lol, but I’m technically older than him by a couple of months orz. But seriously, the fact he has started his acting career in his twenties and everything he had to go through to be where is he is now, makes me love him even more. I feel so proud of him.

At that time, I still wasn't so active in the Toumyu fandom and then I started to buy and share stuff related to Mario at first, but suddenly I started to buy a lot of things about Tsubasa as well xD That was last year and I also started to run the communities here for both of them. And everything was before the Oretabi news lol. Aside from Toumyu, I liked them both separately because they have their own brilliant careers, but the Oretabi news ruined me... they still ruin me actually xD The news, the photos, the events, the posts from both of them with each other and everything we have found out this year, like the fact they are living together from some time already, has become a bliss but at the same time, in a pressure to continue running the communities since I never have much time to stay around. Also, this year hasn't been so good to my real life (issues at work, family issues, especially my closest cousin passing away, health issues and so on) so sometimes I just want to give up everything and continue being a silent fan and supporting them "from the shadows". I still have to fight against that everyday and there are days I feel empty, so I was thinking in closing this Tumblr because even if I have met a few people whom I can talk a little more than sharing stuff, I still feel like a link provider from time to time, because some few people is disrespectful and make you feel like a robot who is available 24/7. But even though all those fights I have to face everyday both here and in real life, even if I want to leave from here, those two always find the way to give me reasons to stay and thanks to that, they have become in such important people to me so far ♥

So no, I'm not closing anything at the moment ^^

So that's why I said that liking an actor can become in something so important, because even if people have disappointed you, they are still there to cheer you up in so many ways, even if you can't buy a lot of things about them, even if you can't meet them in person or even if you don't know enough Japanese to understand everything. What defines a fan shouldn't be only that. The fact they can make your day brighter even with just a tweet, a photo or a post on their blogs sometimes is enough ^^ But if you can support them by buying their stuff, then do it! *runs away*

#personal stuff #kuroba mario #sakiyama tsubasa

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twinflamedfest-blog · 6 years ago

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#TF2018: First Flame

Welcome to Twin Flamed, the newest hunhan ficfest bringing you more hunhan content through creative prompts! Just a disclaimer: mods can be lacking in some aspects as we are just new but let us grow and improve! And speaking of being new, there might be participants who can also be newbies in the ficfest scene. Let us help you with the terms and questions that you are asking yourself right now. Start~

THE FEST

1. How does TF work?

— Leave a prompt > Claim a prompt from the prompt archive > Write your entry > Submit your entry > All fics will be published > Have fun and meet new creatives at the Guess Who's and Reveals.

2. How do I join?

— Easy! Just follow TF on twitter, tumblr and AO3, all @twinflamedfest.

THE PROMPTING

3. How do I leave a prompt?

— A prompting form will be up on July 11, along with some guidelines and rules on prompting. Everything will be announced through Twitter and Tumblr so make sure you keep updated!

4. How many prompts can I send

— You can send as many as you want until our prompting period ends!

THE CLAIMING

5. How many prompts can I claim?

— You can claim one prompt at a time. Once you are finished with your first prompt and have submitted it to us, you can contact the mods and claim another even after the claiming period ends!

6. Do I need a LiveJournal/AO3 (archiveofourown) account to participate?

— You don't need a livejournal account because we will crosspost all fics to AO3. It's not required, however, we highly suggest you to create an AO3 account so that we can directly link your posted entry to your account after reveals! That way, you can edit your works. We recommend to make an account soon because it takes days for AO3 to send invites.

7. Can I change/drop my prompt after claiming?

— You can only change your prompt once. As for dropping a prompt, yes you can, but the mods would appreciate it if you don't, so please think twice before joining. We have set a date for when you can change or drop your prompt.

THE CHECK-INS PROCESS.

8. What are 1st/2nd/3rd check-ins?

— The check-ins is a process done by mods to check up on the participants' progress of their works. The duration is usually around 22-30 days depending on the mods. We set a certain amount for minimum words for every check-in. Of course, we try to set up a reasonable word count so that you won't feel rushed to finish your piece. The minimum word count increases per check-in.

9. How do the check-ins work?

— Basically we will announce the check-ins atleast two weeks before the check-in date. When the check-in day comes, you will submit to us your entry, finished or unfinished. Your work must meet the minimum word count for that check-in. We will email you within 24 hours (or less). After receiving our email, you can go ahead and continue with your prompt!

10. Is there a maximum word count?

— Nope! No maximum word count.

11. What is the minimum word count?

— Minimum word count for the FINAL submission is 2,000 words.

12. Can you please explain to me the ratings?

— G: For general audiences. Fic should not contain vulgar language, violence and adult themes.

— PG: Fic contains very minimal violence and mild vulgar language. Should not contain adult themes.

— PG-13: Fic can contain some violence and/or harsher sexually-derived/vulgar language. Minor mentions of/implied adult themes. For teenagers and up.

— R: Fic contains vulgar language, adult themes/materials, and/or non-explicit sexual themes and violence.

— NC-17: Fic contains all of the things mentioned above, even explicit sexual themes/violence.

13. How should I warn the reader about something that's included in my entry?

— Any triggering content requires a trigger warning at the header of the fic. More of this on the rules and guidelines below.

14. I don't think I can meet the deadline for (_______).

— Contact us by sending a DM to us on our twitter account asap and we will give you an extension!

If you have any more questions to ask, feel free to contact us!

Twitter: @twinflamedfest

Tumblr: --

Curiouscat: @twinflamedfest

Let's kick off our first round! Here are some rules and guidelines for the first round.

RULES AND GUIDELINES

General

♥ This is a Sehun x Luhan ficfest, so the story must revolve around these two. As much as possible, minimize the side pairs so the spotlight would be on our lovely couple.

♥ We aim to make our fest a safe space for all hunhan/selu enthusiasts so please be respectful and kind to one another! We will not tolerate hate of any kind.

Prompting

♥ Twin Flamed is a prompt-based ficfest, meaning writers are only allowed to choose on the given prompts. There's no self-prompt. This ficfest is open for all types of prompts: fluffy, angst, tragedy, smut, alternate universes, you name it! There's no limit to giving prompts. Prompting will be done via Google Forms.

♥ Anyone can submit a prompt, you don't need to have an LJ/AO3/Tumblr account to do so. Prompt submission is anonymous.

♥ Please avoid sending vague prompts, but also avoid sending very detailed prompts either. It's great to leave some room of imagination for the author!

♥ As for sensitive topics, we will allow elements of rape/non-con, dubcon, underaged sex, pedophilia and incest. But we would like to advise the writers who will include these topics to be very careful and add the needed trigger warnings.

We only allowed this for the sole purpose of expressing one's creativity, however, we do not tolerate and condone such acts! Everyone, please be very careful and cautious (especially with the topic of rape/non-con).

♥ We have noticed that our posting period will most likely fall on the end of October. This means that you are allowed to send in Halloween prompts for our writers!

Claiming

♥ Participants can write two (2) or more prompts — as long as the prompts are unclaimed — but it is highly suggested that they finish their first chosen prompt before claiming a new one.

♥ The prompt claiming form will allow you to choose up to two (2) prompts — for backup.

♥ An email confirmation will be sent within 24 hours. After receiving our go signal, you may start writing your story.

♥ First check-in should have a minimum of 5 words. For the final submission, a minimum of 2 words.

♥ Put the appropriate trigger warnings/tags for stories that include Character Death, Gore, Suicide, Mental Illness, Self harm and Abuse.

♥ NO PLAGIARISM. Once caught, you will automatically be removed from the round.

♥ Once you're finished with your work, send it as an attachment to [email protected].

FEST SCHEDULE

July 11: Start of prompting

July 25: End of prompting

July 27: Prompt archive up

July 28: Start of claiming

Aug 11: Beta readee sign-ups open

Aug 19: First check-in

Aug 29-31: Changing/dropping of prompts

Sept 2: End of claiming

Sept 15: Second check-in

Oct 7: Third check-in

Oct 20: Final submission

Oct 27: Posting starts

TBA: Posting ends

TBA: Guess Who

TBA: Reveals

• Tune in to our twitter account on JULY 11, 2018 for the start of our prompting period!

XOXO,

TF mods.

#TF2018 hunhan selu twinflamed

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dramarising-replacement · 7 years ago

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http://dramarising.com/post/166954641062/callout-post-light-vs-shadow

Hey, so uhh, OP, perhaps this would have been better off sent directly to someone in Shadow as opposed to on a drama blog? Because this sounds to me like a whole lot of “Shadow sucks, Light rules” and that’s not really the kind of attitude that’ll get folks to change. Jussayin’. And before y'all jump me that ‘Shadow can’t take criticism, waaah, what kids!’, I’d like to point out that perhaps criticism -on a drama site-, comparing a flight that’s been having to make do for a Long Time to a flight that’s been building itself up for years (and attracting people that can further improve the flight), made to sound like scolding us for shit we’re all (ALL) already well-aware of and looking to fix, is not the most constructive kind at all, nor is it spirit-lifting. It’s demoralizing, frustrating, and rather unfair considering the amount of manpower we have and what we keep losing. And I’m not standing for people that bitch from the sidelines, instead of piping in to help :) OP, I’m sure nobody told you that comparing two people just to tell Person A that Person B is better than them when Person B is already trying to get better isn’t very positive. So here’s me telling that to you. Now you know. If you have something to say, and concrete suggestions (not vague “y'all need to make this less confusing/more suitable to me/flat-out -better-” that’s about as helpful as “git gud”) on how to improve the flight forums, regardless of whether you’ve left us or not, we’re listening. I’ve personally been doing my best to make our forums attractive to everyone, and in fact that Dom Mentors thread is mine. I’m also subbed to the Newbie thread and make it a personal mission to greet *every single soul* that posts in there. Every Single One. Unfortunately, I also have a life outside of FR and this entire year I’ve been plagued with technical issues IRL, so there’s only so much I can do. Just popping in to say that if you have a problem, idea, whatever, for fuck’s sake, speak up. Talk to someone. The heads don’t bite, and I assure you, they’ll appreciate having a helping hand to pull them along. For the record, no, I’m not a dom head. But I can tell you with absolute certainty that they need more doers coming in to help fix the flight, and less talkers that bring what little we have left down. They already have a mastodonic job to pull; it’s only fair that the community help them along.

Posting off anon so you can PM me any time if you want to talk, OP. I tried to find you off your tumblr address but couldn’t, so fuck it: I’m addressing you here directly. Also, one last note to the folks that’ll start trashing me in the notes: I *do* have a Light contact with actually helpful insight and feedback to a lot of stuff we do that comes directly to us whenever there’s a problem with something in our pushes bc she actually understands how feedback works, and is a great help for improving a lot of backstage things. So no, I’ve no beef with Light at all. I have beef with people talking us down and adding to the amount of crap we have to deal with, and quite frankly distract us from actually getting shit done (because yes, we have to keep addressing these things because unfortunately they DO affect us and they won’t go away by themselves :D).

#drama #rant #cursing #dominance #submission

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maddiicake · 5 years ago

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A Decade in Review

I actually wrote this at the beginning of the New Year--and, technically, New Deacade--, but I figured I’d also have it here for those who follow me on Tumblr and not on DeviantART

So, heads up, this is going to be a super long post, so I will put the extent of everything under “Read More” below, if you’d like to continue.

Thanks for your time

A Decade In Review

Well, the more I think about it... the title should be: "The deterioration of an individual through their slow painful spiral into the fiery pit of failure". Anyway... I don't really do the "Art Progress" meme things that people make for New Years Eve/Day, mainly because, for me, there wouldn't be a point. For other artists, yes, I'm sure it helps very much to show where they started off and where they are now. (Though, I did make this one way back in the day, but haven't made any since then). But, for someone like me, whose had a stagnant art quality for half of this decade now, all the pieces I would put together would just look exactly the same quality-wise xD So, I just like to take the time and write out everything together in a Journal. All in one go; no drafting or edits (unless, of course, there's grammatical errors that I spot after posting). I don't have any Resolutions for this upcoming year, especially since I didn't complete any of my resolutions from last year (except for the "save your money" one). But, very rarely do people follow through with their Resolutions--and, of course, it's awesome when they do. But, since a decade has passed... and since I've been a figure on the internet for a decade now, I'd just like to take the time and reflect on everything that has occurred since 2010:

2010

I actually wouldn't exist on DeviantART for another year (and wouldn’t be on Tumblr for another year after that). However, I got my start on Ye Ole FanFiction.Net. Yes, I was a writer before I was an artist. In fact, even before our home was wired with the internet (which was around 2008/2009), I would do nothing but stay up late and write. Before I got my first computer, I would have tons of notebooks with nothing but fan-fictions written in them. And, after getting my computer, I would transfer those written works to be a little more polished in a Word Document; and, from there, I would continue on with the story I was working on. You don't have to worry about killing trees when everything is on a file xD Of course, dumb little me didn't think to separate each chapter into different Documents. So, now there is a 800+ page document still on my computer of a "saga" of a Pokemon Mary Sue. That story was never posted, and will never see the light of day, unless, of course, I hit some special Milestone (probably a YouTube Subscriber because me going through it could only properly be done in video format--with my commentary and cringe over top of course xD). But, you know what was posted? My Ouran Host Club fan-fiction: "Fitting In". Still in that "Mary-Sue"-ish OC, phase, but I wanted to make this character more interesting and believable. So, with my anime crush, Kyoya, paired up with my Ouran OC, I set out to form my story. Completely unbeknownst to my parents, because they (specifically Mom--go figure) frowned upon me just reading fan-fictions. Because, in my mother's own words: "It's other people's fantasies". (Looking back on that now, her reason makes absolutely no sense). But, I enjoyed writing and enjoyed the series. So, after my parents had fallen asleep, I would write a chapter through the night and then posted it. Somehow, after a few chapters... my story got pretty big: tons of faves, followers and reviews--it was insane! Here I was, just being a geek, like everyone else, and enjoying the fandom. And yet, for the first time in my life... I felt what it was like to be truly supported. It wasn't support for something I didn't have interest in or was coaxed into doing (like with my parents). This was something that I enjoyed, even if it was just for fun. And people actually liked it. They actually supported me for what I liked. From there, it just continued to help me press on and keep moving forward. So, while balancing out my last year and a half of high school, I challenged myself to upload a chapter every week. And, I succeeded. I remember one Review from a user that said: "I literally got home from school and rushed over to my computer, because I knew there would be a new chapter!" Little did they all know that I actually would write the chapter all in one sitting. Yep, pulled an all-nighter the day before just to write out the chapter and then post it. I eventually did tell my parents. This was after my story had gotten a pretty good amount of following and faves to be considered--in the Fanfiction.net society--a Fanfiction worth the time to read. Dad was actually really happy and proud, even going to tell my mother about it just to "show me off". It felt nice to have his support--awkward, yes, but still nice. Mom, of course, didn't care; not that I was surprised in the slightest. But, even if I had one parent's support, the whole mass of support for individuals over the internet was able to compensate for the lack of support I received from my maternal unit.

2011:

Still writing early into the following year. I had attended my first anime convention at the beginning. mostly because J. Michael Tatum--the English voice for Kyoya--was a guest, but also other Ouran English DUB actors, including Vic Mignogna. While I was aware he played Tamaki, it wasn't until I sat in on one of his panels that I realized how popular he was among the anime community. He got many questions regarding this series called Fullmetal Alchemist. Because of how everyone seemed to know of this series (except me, of course), that was the first thing I would look into after crashing at home at the end of that weekend. Like with everyone starting out, the search results provided me with the original Fullmetal Alchemist series from 2003, so I started with that. Needless to say... it was definitely a 180 turn from Ouran, with how dark and depressing that it seemed. By the time I got to the episode with Lab 5, I didn't watch another episode for months. Long story short: Chimera!Tucker scared the absolute sh*t out of me--didn't help that I was watching the episode at night either. Parallel to those months, however... I was writing my newest Fan-Fiction, "Fire and Ice". Completely taken full interest in the Fullmetal Alchemist series, I created my newest OC, Danielle. Now, I made the mistake of jumping the gun with her creation as well as her story. Because I was still very very new to the series, and didn’t quite get a grasp on the canon character's personalities to be able to portray them In-Character well enough. Not to mention that I didn't quite understand the "Rules" of the FMA universe when it comes to creating an OC. But that's where DeviantART comes in. I made an account in the fall of that year and would post every so often. I used dA more as a secondary account just for the more visual references of my stories. So, in other words, I was promoting my main account (FF.net) by broadening expanding myself to other sites. dA being more visually oriented for creators, while FF.net was more for the story/world-building end. So, with two accounts on opposite spectrums of one another, I continued to create my stories and characters. Of course, Fullmetal Alchemist was a very popular fandom, and with the Brotherhood series being new, the fandom was more hyped up than ever. I kept to myself mostly, because I was more on FF.net than dA. However, after a while, I wanted to interact with the audience I had gained from being on dA. So, I would draw my characters and scenes from my story more often. Granted, I didn't have a tablet at the time, and would scan my sketchbook drawings in to post them. I would even try to go the extra mile to scan them in and re-purpose them digitally with GIMP (the only program I had at the time); again, though, no tablet, just a mouse. I started talking with other newbie artists and writers in the fandom, and we all started to become really good friends. The majority of us, of course (even myself at the time), looked up to the "FMA OC Matriarchy". Not naming names, but I'm sure a lot of you know the individuals I'm talking about. Inspired by their own detailed digital works, my fan-fiction was put on a hold as I began to become engrossed in drawing.

2012:

The year that marks my actual start as an artist here on dA. Or, if you want my actual take on it: The year that marks the beginning of my "downward spiral into the pit of no return or reformation". At the beginning of the year, I had purchased my tablet with my own money: A WACOM Bamboo Connect. In fact, it's the same tablet I use to this day, even though I have downsized to a much smaller version. Because my mindset at the time (and, to this day, still is): "You can have the most expensive equipment, but it's the artist themselves that makes the quality of the work." From there, along with a pirated version of Easy Paint Tool SAI, I was ready to take the next step into improving myself as an artist. (If anyone is curious... THIS was the first thing that I drew with my tablet). But, despite all that.. 2012 was rough. I picked A LOT of fights, even having the audacity to stand up to the "FMA OC Matriarchy" when there was a fight between the FMA OC groups. I saw their leader and the rest of them for who they truly were. Individuals, who still to this day (based on what I've seen from the 2nd-in-Command), that put on an act to make themselves appealing, welcoming, and "friendly" to their audience, while they're actually nothing more than self-entitled individuals who get upset because someone so dares to not like the pairing between their figment of their imagination and a fictional character. And that's when I vowed: "I will knock [her] off her throne." This said in regards to the leader of the Matriarchy. Because people, who are looked up to, shouldn’t be behaving in that sort of way! They shouldn't be acting like their word is law and whoever goes against them or disagrees with them should get their head chopped off, metaphorically speaking. Outside of the internet, they're nobodies. They don't have power over anyone when they're no longer hidden behind a keyboard and screen. The number on their profile is just that--just a number. It doesn't mean anything. And, in my mind, they all needed to be taken down a peg and realize that OCs, art, fandoms--whatever--should NOT be taken so seriously! We were all here to enjoy the same thing as them, and they had no right to treat themselves like they were queens, who governed what went on in the fandom. Of course, being a petty teenager... I did (and even drew) some things that I shouldn't have (i.e. making a satire of the Matriarchy as "Mean Girls" at the lunch table). And, I didn't really explain myself to anyone when said: "I'll knock [her] off her throne." I wasn't (and still am not) very good at explaining myself or feeling (or even understanding other's feelings and social cues). All in all that entire year was a roller coaster with on and off fights between myself and the Matriarchy--namely their leader. By the end of it all, I just wanted to quit and give up drawing all together. All I could think about was "There's no way I'll be able to surpass them and knock them off their thrones..." I always have, and still do, believe that I'm not one to be worshiped or put on a pedestal. I make it a habit to tell others that when they gush over me or my art: "I'm just a geek like you ^u^ There's no difference between us." Because I don't want to be treated the same way the Matriarchy was/is treated. I don't want to be seen like them at all, because I was nothing like them. I didn't take things seriously, I didn't treat others like they were lower than dirt to me--I wasn't an "Art Thot". I wanted to be the person that could actually BE A PERSON to my audience; not some high-and-mighty white-tower dwelling jerk like the Matriarchy. But, yet, there I was... dragging out the last of the year; trying to figure out how to not be like any of them, when it seemed like the only way to take them down a peg was to be like them. At least, to be able to surpass them. My mental state took a drastic turn for the worst as I began to become obsessed with these girls. I couldn't stand seeing them. I couldn't stand my friends talking to them (and I still can’t), because I felt like they had no idea what the Matriarchy was like--the way I knew them to truly be. I would constantly tear apart my art and look on it with disgust, because all I could see was just a big comparison between my work and theirs. I wanted to give up. "There's no way I'll pass them". I wanted to show everyone else so badly that there's someone out there that they could truly look up too. Not just as an inspiration for art, but as someone who actually cares about them and others. The days were so bleak, hopeless, endless... ending it all would have been too easy, and giving up seemed too cowardly. I was stuck. ...But, then I met AAV-sama. I had never seen them before at all. They weren't a watcher, didn't fave my works, didn't comment--nothing! It was just an out-of-the-blue comment on my profile: "Hey, wanna RP?" Now... I hadn't RPed on dA for a long while since then. But, I figured that getting back into writing would help take my mind off of everything art-related. So, we talked over what to RP, and they sent the starter. Little did I know that the beginning of that RP would be the start of something amazing.

2013:

The start of my last year in high school (graduated that spring), and would start my first year of Community College for an Art degree. I knew what I wanted to do with my life going from there. It's just, when you have little to no support system in real life, it's very very difficult to get on your feet from there and keep moving forward. Meanwhile, in the world here on DeviantART, I was still drawing little things here and there; working more on improving my ability to draw backgrounds as well as composition. I would still only post occasionally--about once a month or so--, because I was completely engulfed in the world of writing in the Notes section of dA. :devaav-sama: and I were still acquaintances and nothing more than RP Partners at the time. But, she would often share what was going on in her personal life, and, eventually, I would open up as well. From there, our acquaintanceship took a turn into friendship. She helped me find inspiration and creativity, and helped me remind myself of the love for the Fullmetal Alchemist fandom. And that would come the start of our little passion project: The Mustang Conspiracy. New OCs were made and had their own story in Next Gen of the FMA03/Shamballa universe. All the while, AAV, and I became closer and closer while excitedly gushing over scenes we made and even episodes and characters in the FMA series itself. A year after we started creating out series, I created the first picture of our own "Golden Trio". And, with the creation of these new OCs, I met other individuals, who I would become friends with. With these new friends, we all cooed and gushed over our OCs, and even made AUs of our OCs interacting with one another. Like with my Ouran story, I once again felt that love and support--support I knew I would never be able to have outside of the internet (parents/mother). I didn't (still don't) have any friends outside of the internet, so I would often have a tendency to be possessive or overprotective of my friends here online. I liked the feeling of being loved and having friends, and I didn't want it to go away. ...But, ultimately, it did.

2014:

Like with the other years, this was no different of a roller coaster. In the real world, I was passing with 90s and A's in my classes. Of course, Mom's response to my Math final grade, which was a 92%, was a big: "You can do better". (Mother, we're not an Asian family, could you PLEASE let up on the high standards...? -___- ). Anyway... Like always, I found my escape from my toxic family life to the love and support from people who liked me for who I was online. Of course... There were the same emotional disputes between I and the Matriarchy, mostly brought up because I couldn't stand to see my friends interacting with them. What took me by surprise and baffled me the most is that one of my friends became friends (and still is to this day) with the Matriarchy's "2nd in Command". My friend's art was less to be desired, and was far from being among the ranks of the Matriarchy because of it. So, needless to say, I couldn't wrap my head around the reason why the Matriarchy would allow someone like her to be friends with them when they were out of her league art-wise. The Matriarchy didn't ever do that. it was just them, and if you're not in their league, then you're not one of them. There was only one logical conclusion to all of this... They were taking my friends by lulling them into a false sense of security and making them their "friends" just so that they could turn my friends against me. Ultimately, planning to leave me in abandonment and cutting off my support system online so that I would be left with nothing. My friends didn't know them the way I did. I KNEW those people weren't to be trusted, they never were, but I didn't want to make my friends up-happy. Yeah, I can be possessive because of my over-protectiveness for my friends, but... I didn't want to be the one to make them feel upset. So, I kept to myself the majority of the time and bottled it in. And we all know what happens when you bottle things in.... you become a ticking time bomb until you eventually explode, even on the smallest of things. Sometimes, like how it was with me, the bouts of intense anger were in scattered spurts. Now, many of you may remember the time over the summer of the Ferguson shooting, which lasted until the end of the year. Being raised by an extremist (mostly the maternal side) Conservative/Republicans, my family, of course sided with the Cop. Me, not wanting to be kicked out on the streets, I did what I always did when politics came up in my family--which is 90% of the time. I agreed with them and let it absorb me to the point that I had to be like that and think that way to appease them. Clearly, the internet didn't seem to agree, and I was called a "racist" and all but one friend left. She wouldn't last long, but I cherished the fleeting moments we had together. Meanwhile, I continued to draw FanART, OCs, and such for the rest of the year, as well as continue working on The Mustang Conspiracy.

2015:

AAV was all I had during this year. Our friendship had grown to the point that I couldn't imagine a day where I don't talk to her. We had gotten to the stage where we exchanged personal contact info, and have messaged each other little "Good Morning" messages every since day since then. She was my everything. She made me feel like I was everything. If I didn't have her, I probably would find the nearest overpass to jump off of, or work on finding a good sturdy tree in the middle of the woods to tie a noose to. All in all, life wasn't worth living anymore without her. After everyone else had left, she became my one and only, and... it got to the points where I would unhealthily obsess over our friendship because of the constant fear of abandonment nagging the back of my head every single day. Even while working on our story, we took the time to set up a separate Note just for a "Creative Workshop" to further build our characters and make them more well-rounded. Now, during one of my "bleak" moments, I recall the very first time I came across the a certain Community on YouTube (not naming what kind, because I would like to keep myself and my family safe). No joke, I had searched "terrible people on DeviantART", not because I want to find other people deemed "terrible" just to laugh at, but because I was feeling like I was the terrible one. The Community was still in it's early days with only a few channels that would talk about pedos and bullies on the internet--though most of the videos at the time were just talking about pedos. Seeing those videos and watching these users deliver calm and collected speeches about users committing crimes towards children on DeviatnART, among others just laughing at lol-cows doing dumb things, it gave me a light of confidence and inspiration. They handled themselves so well, and were well respected within the Community. So, I made my first videos--not the best, just screenshots of anime characters used as expressions set to my voice reading from a script along with music, all thrown together and edited on Windows Movie Maker. Like how I got big trying something new to a new audience the last few times... this was no different. Except, well, I didn't really feel the love and support as much. However, I did start to realize that the majority of my audience really enjoyed my jokes and the way I handled situations. And, it made me reflect to the days where I would do theater. Being on stage and performing for an audience, making them laugh or impacting their lives just because a character I played happen to inspire them... it was the best feeling in the world. Up there in front of hundreds of eyes watching you, and entertaining them... it's the greatest feeling in the world. Performing was my life, it was (and still is) where my heart is and what makes me truly happy. So, while I couldn't do theater as often, making YouTube videos was close enough, and I could work on those and post them at any time; not having to worry abut a weekend-only schedule or any other time constraints. So, I started small by making jokes about bratty teenagers stirring up trouble on DeviantART, and even clicked with some of the minor channels; doing some collaboration videos with them as well. Of course, there was a group on YouTube called the YTTrollPolice. In reality, they were just kids stirring up trouble, but they would go far beyond random trolling to DoX threats. I was their first target, and, through the collabs with the others, they went after them. I shut my channel down--the others in the community did as well--, just to avoid the target and threat to our personal safety. Kids or not, we couldn't take any risks. The YYTP kid eventually found me dA and stalked me there, even after his account was banned. Taking my mind off of everything, I went back to drawing and interacting with AAV. Then... I met another user in the FMA fandom. It was a rarity these days, especially since the FMA fandom was slowly starting to die out (mostly because of me, since I was the one who made everyone--including the FMA OC Matriarchy--leave the fandom, never to return again). While I was still hesitant, as well as having those "abandonment fears", I decided "What the heck? It could just be a one-time conversation." Well... it wasn't a one-time conversation. We started talking and chatting on and off from there, and even became friends. I did my best to encourage her, because, well, I was just like her starting out. And, with practice and effort, she'd be flying on her own. Seeing every new piece she made--a HUGE improvement in such a short amount of time--, I felt what I believed to be pride. Not the selfish kind. No, I was proud of her. She looked up to the Matriarchy just like I once did. But... instead of saying anything against them around her, I encouraged her. I made sure that she didn't follow the same path that I did. And, one day, she sends me this excitement-filled note about how the Matriarchy's 2nd-in-Command +watched her and they started getting close. She had done it, and with my recommendations, she became friends with my former friends. Because despite what had happened, they were good people (or so I thought until 2016). Not only that... she also gave me hope. By giving me the name "Saki", she helped me find hope that I could turn around and become better. And, with that hope, we became closer and our friendship grew from there. Of course, with that fear of abandonment still at the back of my mind, I enjoyed our friendship for as long as the amount of time the bomb had on it. Because, at that point, my mind always saw all friendships that way--they were all the same and ended the same. So, it was best to enjoy the present until the inevitable moment when that bomb would go off. Near the end of the year, I received a Note on dA from a user I had never met, seen, or interacted with before. They and their friend had a Joined-channel that talked about brats on DeviantART and made fun of them. This user said that I was one of the ones, who inspired them to get in to the community. I let them know about the situation and why I left; they understood, but we started to chat, and they welcomed me into their group of friends. (For the sake of continuity through this journal, we'll call them "The Group"--Again, keeping it vague for my and my family's safety). We would just have fun chatting, geeking-out, and having streams reading bad fanfictions. During one of those streams, I got a message from a user, who was helping me with updates from the YTTP. According to them, the kid that made the DoX threats and stalked me and the other old users form the Community had the real police called to their house, and they ceased all intent with their "Troll Police" habits. And, like I said in that stream: "Now that they're gone, I think I'm going to start making videos again."

2016:

The beginning marked the year of when the story of The Mustang Conspiracy was put on a hiatus. I had finished Community College with an Associates in Arts and was working on where to go from there, and AAV was in the process of going back to school for her own degree. So, with personal life taking up a bit more of our time, we put the story on the shelf; however, we still worked in our "Creative Workshop" for our characters, for when they would eventually come back. Aside from that, I was working on starting up again on YouTube. I had made two accounts this time: one for my Art/Speedpaints, and the other strictly for "those videos". Posting my drawings, as well as the quality of my art, was an an all-time low; and it would be that way for another year and a half. Had I known that becoming absorbed in the Community at the time would take a huge strike to your art, I wouldn't have thought twice about going back. But, I felt like I could be someone within that Community. After every video, I felt just absolutely amazing. It was like everything I had bottled up for years could all come out full force just in one video. People liked me and supported me, that's what mattered the most. Sure, it wasn't the same like and support I used to feel, but it was support regardless, right? It was best not to complain and be happy with what I had. So, from there, I continued on with making videos. Meanwhile, on DeviantART, I decided to open up commissions. I had only done so here and there when people asked about how much I would charge for (X kind of picture) back in 2013. I wanted to make it more like a professional info sheet, since I was nearing the point where I would be seen as a "professional" (quote unquote; because I didn't--still don't--see my art anywhere close to be seen as "professional" ^^; ). But, I digress... I set up my sheet, and some people from The Group even commissioned art from me. Until mid-May when one of my former friends (one of the ones that left in 2014) began going to my commissioners and saying that I "traced" my commissions. How did I find out about this? One of my "friends" form The Group sent me a message asking if I could get in a call, and she laid out what was going on. My "friend" from The Group was also friends with my commissioner, and they (my "friend" from The Group) was in a message with my former friend via Notes. I explained to my "friend" from The Group about the situation from a few year ago, and (during this time) they had my back (note from present me, this was a bad mistake to do. You DO NOT divulge any information like this to people from The Community. This reason will be explained in the later in this section as well as the 2019 section). Of course, what was I to do? I was a small DeviantArtist with an even smaller YouTube following on both channels. But, I had enough of being treated this way and made a video about my former friend and what was going on presently. To my surprise... the video blew up in just a short amount of months. Many of my other friends came out to say that they agreed with me and had disliked this individual's behavior even before this occurrence. Though, had I known about it at the time, I wouldn't have made a video, I would have filed a lawsuit. Because, in terms of legal definitions, what my former friend was doing was a form of Tortious Interference. Of course, that was a term I didn't know about until early 2019, so there was no way for me to know that what my former friend was doing was a liable court of law offense. But, what was done was done. Of course the Matriarchy found out (go figure; they're all connected to each other). But, regardless of what happened to my former friend, I didn't care. At the time, I felt like she deserved it. Little did I know that that unsympathetic callous feelings was just the beginnings of the toxic environment of the Community getting to me. My channel started to get big really quick, and, looking back now, I see that many of The Group were more than likely upset or jealous of this. Because, in August of that year, they were quick to turn on me instead of sit down and talk things out like friends are supposed to do. They quickly dropped me, started spreading rumors, even went so far as to tell my former friend that I was going to make another video on them. I was labeled as "toxic", had hate-art made of me defaming my character, and they even made an alt account to spam my name in the comments and notes of one of their former friend (because "Saki" is such a "mean-sounding word" apparently...). The time bomb had gone off, but, unlike the other times, I wasn't even ready for it. And, up until the end of the year, I was a mixture of mad an upset, going through all sorts of emotions on the spectrum. How stupid I was to not see that I was falling in with the "Wrong Crowd". How I shouldn't have even attempted to restart my channel. How I shouldn't even have grown close to these groups of people. It would all end the same. It always did. Yet... I wasn't ready for it. Now... 2016 is a year that the majority of people despite, mostly for the results of the USA's Presidential election. Personally, I don't care for politics, but there were other things on my mind that day. See, that morning, the very same day as the election results, I had received a call from my doctor about my recent biopsy's results: Papillary Thyroid Carcinoma--Thyroid Cancer. Sure, it's not as serious a cancer like Breast or Brain, but it was cancer nonetheless. So, I was scheduled to have a total thyroid removal at the end of November, and would be put on a super restricting "iodine diet" for the majority of December that would last through the entire holidays. Christmas Dinner was torture; only able to eat a very small selection of things, while watching my family eat such amazing and delicious foods. The following week, I was quarantined in my room because I was completely radioactive. Despite craving that delicious food from Christmas, I felt like I would throw up if I ate just a cracker. My week of quarantine was was literally nauseating, completely miserable, and, above all else, absolutely boring. I could only entertain myself with my phone, because I didn't want to touch anything else--it would just be more to thoroughly clean immediately after use. January 1st Midnight of 2017 was spent in my room listening to my family excitedly cheer "Happy New Year". Needless to say, out of all the years this decade, 2016 was the worst.

2017:

With the residuals of what occurred between The Group and I gradually sputtered to stop, I took the time to stay off the internet a little and focus on my real life. I had to do something with my life. I know what I wanted to do with it. But, the thought of my parents not agreeing with my decision and not being proud of me held me back far too much. Despite having an Associates in Arts and wanting to go in a field that was about The Arts, my parents' (mother's) constant comments of: "Digital Art Degrees are a hit or miss when it comes to getting a job", "You'll never make it out in the Art field", "They're called 'starving artists' for a reason", and then she would proceed to offer ideas for jobs that required either a Science degree or a Medical degree. And... I believed her. Through her constant comments, she had coaxed me to reluctantly work to something she wanted me to be. I mean, she was right: I needed to find a job that would support myself financially, and if getting a Graphic Arts Degree wouldn't do that, then, well, I wasted 4 years of my life in Community College. So, with my mind thinking "Back to Square One", I set out to look for a part-time job. And, in February, I did. It was a short-shift job, but it paid a decent amount to get by for a while. Meanwhile, I paid less time online; only making a few videos for my channel now and then, but also wanting to get my Art/Speedpaint Channel off the ground with videos that are years old (and videos that, to this day, I still have yet to edit and post), as well as posting art when I could (once or twice a month). There wasn't much else that was eventful for the rest of the year; not until a week before Christmas. On our home's doorstep was a package from Amazon that contained an "Adult Coloring Book" titled: Calm the F*ck Down and a pack of Prisma Coloring pencils (which, by the way are not a cheap brand of pencils). Who had sent it, we weren't sure. I know I hadn't ordered it, and I didn't have an Amazon account at the time, so the assumption of it being on my "Wish-list" was out of the question. But, it was a week before Christmas, so it was probably from an out-of-state relative. Little did I know that the individual, who sent it was not either of the two, but someone who I had known, yet hadn't met in real life. And their reasons for sending me the package? Malicious, devious, and text-book level of a psycho. I wouldn't know the identity of said person for another two years. All in all, this year brought new people for me to befriend and meet as well. Of course, after everything that happened, I was very very hesitant to pursue friendships with them. What was the point anyway? They would all end the same. At this point, I had already begun to accept who I was: A narcissistic, selfish, heartless, backstabbing, toxic, indifferent annoyance, harassing, ungrateful, apathetic, hurtful, manipulative, bullying, dramatic, sensitive, arrogant, petty, spiteful, over dramatic, drama whore, lying, shady, sociopathic bitch. People don’t change. I can't change no matter what. But, that’s okay. I’ve come to accept it. And I'll keep doing my best to protect everyone else that I care about—those very VERY small few that are left. The more I can protect from getting close and affected by the monster, the better. Nobody in this world deserves more of that. I tossed those Placebo-Effect pills away, so I could stop lying to myself once and for all that "I changed" and "I'm a better person now". There was no way that, after all that happened, that was true. There's no point in denying it or hiding anymore. I am who I am. I don't like it, but that's just the way things are, and I will forever be that person--No. I'm not even human after all that I've done. I'm a monster, and I'll be that way forever. My Cancer wasn't able to get rid of everyone else's suffering--suffering by the fact that I exist--, and I wouldn't be able to give them that release and make things right once and for all.

2018:

At the cusp of this year around January-February, I had noticed that the friend in the FMA fandom (the one who had given me my new name as well as hope to become better), hadn't been interacting with much as she used to. I found it strange, and I didn't want to assume anything, so I messaged her via Tumblr and asked if I did anything to upset her. Because, after the knee-jerk reactions of the Community, I had come to prefer talking things out with an individual and fix problems in a civil manner. Well, we did talk things out in a civil manner. But, long story short, she didn't want to be friends with my anymore. Her reason: Because she didn't want me to make a Video about her. Where did she come up with that reason? I never made any mention of it to her, and the only reason why I made the videos on my former friends because they actually did something to me and were going out of their way to commit Defamation per Se and Tortious Interference--among basic libel and slander. She had done nothing to me that would make me want to even consider making a video on her. However, despite my best efforts of trying to reassure her, I eventually had to reluctantly respect her wishes and let her go. We un-watched each other, and that was that. But, something was odd... Not only did he un-watch me, but also blocked me. Un-watching, I could understand. But blocking as well? That didn't make any sense... After months of having the worry drive me insane, I eventually came to the realization that tore my apart. I didn't want to believe it, but, after analyzing everything that occurred, nothing else made sense except what I had realized. She was USING me. She was only friends (and "litter sister" to the 2nd-in-Command) with the entire Matriarchy because of me. And what thanks did I get? NOTHING! She gave me false hope that I could change and be better--lying through her teeth the entire time. Not only that... she PRETENDED to be my friend. Like everyone else, she knew my weak spot: Friendship. All that mattered to me. Having the support group to escape to when my parents (mother) didn't give me any and tried to drag me away from the things I loved and enjoyed. They knew it. She knew it--it was her plan all along, wasn't it?! She used me. She. USED. Me. Slept her way to the top, so to speak, without any effort; just rode along on my coat tails until she had no use for me anymore. ...And I was stupid to fall for her feigned innocence and let her get away with it. I stupidly turned around, thinking nothing of the situation until she plunged her knife deep enough to the hilt right through me. ...I know that's an extreme jump to conclusions, but what else was I supposed to think? I thought I was numb after all the other things I had to go through in the previous years. But, after what she did... I couldn't remember a time where I went through that much pain; pain that lasted for months afterwards. Meanwhile, in the real world, I was taking each day by day and doing my best to act as normal as I could around family, despite everything that occurred/was occurring online. I quite my part-time job, and spent the summer looking for a better one; eventually landing a full-time job (my current one) that paid really well and had good benefits. Sure, it took a lot of time away from working on art, especially when the Holidays came around and there was so much overtime I was working between 55 and 60 hours per week. I tried to manage as much as I could with my online status and stay as active as I could though, even if my quality of art never increased because of the lack of motivation and little time I had in between with work in order to put some art together.

2019:

And, now we come to the final year of the decade. I focused more and more on my art and developing it enough to where I became a better Mimicker Artist. Even though there have been many more times where I had to politely put others down when they remarked about "[my] style"; it was a similar reply I would have to make to comments like those before. Other than that, though, there were many ups and downs, like there were every year. Midway through 2019, I met some new individuals, who had left when the Community became too toxic, and got in a call with one of the former friends of The Group (We'll call this individual "J"). Through the call, which lasted about 3-4 hours--there was a lot they had to unpack and let me know--, J informed me of everything The Group was saying and doing behind closed doors on Discord. Even going so far as to get their (former) connection, who had easy access to the Deep and Dark Web, to go after people they they didn't like. One of those people, included myself. Remember when I mentioned that Amazon package I received during Christmas of 2017? It was them. Their reason: "Make [me] so stressed out to the point that [my] cancer comes back in a more severe case and kills [me]." The moment J told me that, I let everyone in the call know that I had to step away for a minute. Then, I muted my mic, and promptly went to the bathroom to throw up. Even if it was way passed midnight after the call ended, I couldn't get any sleep because I was shaking so bad. These people--people, who third-party viewers call "drama whores"--, were more than just that. "Drama whore" was a huge understatement. These people... were psychos. Thankfully, they hadn't done anything else since then (Especially since their little Deep Web friend stopped interacting with them and The Group is against him now). But even so, the fact that these people went out of their way to have me killed just because I was making fun of them for being immature and stupid... it was more than just the epitome of "insane". Who does something like that? Who thinks that the way to "get back" at someone for making fun of you on the internet is to have them killed? Again, thankfully, nothing else has happened since then; but, of course, if it does, I'm calling the police. Back in the real world, I managed to sway my parents to let me go to an Art-Collage. Sure, had I let in on the fact that I wanted to go into Theater or Graphic Arts, they (Mom) would have shot it down immediately and gave me the speech I always got. So, I managed to settle on a Film Degree, which was more like my Plan C (a field that still interested me, but not 100% what I loved), still mostly out of the fear that they wouldn't accept me for a field that I actually wanted to go into. And, for the majority of 2020, I'll be working on saving up to attend that school; hopefully able to get some grants or scholarships so that I won't have to worry about paying the rest of my share after the FAFSA amount is taken out. At the end of the day, and year, at least AAV and I are still as close as ever, and I wouldn't trade her for anything else in the world. I've said it before and I'll say it again: life isn't worth living without her. She's all that I have left in this world that matters. She's the only one I can trust that won't leave or abandon me. To this day, it still baffles me that she didn't drop me and leave, like the others had, when we had our first petty spat. So, if anyone could be considered a "true friend", it would be her. Of course, I still can't get close to others, and I wouldn't even dare try to attempt a new friendship. I try to be nice and civil when others ask: "Can we be friends?" I give them the short explanation of why I can't get close to others anymore, and, luckily, they understand. I know it's wrong, and I should give people a chance, but, after all that's happened, I can't risk anything.

Anyway, so that's my entire Decade in review. It's crazy to think how long it's been since then and how much has happened... The years and events may have changed, but I and everyone else haven't. I know I certainly haven't. Like I mentioned in 2017, I began to accept who I was, and eventually fully accepted it through the entirety of the next year. And, like they have been for almost 10 years, my thoughts never changed on the Matriarchy, and it absolutely disgusts me whenever they (especially the 2nd-in-Command) acts mature and friendly for "brownie points", and saying lies like: "...inspiring others from a healthy approach to pursue whatever they aim for, because it can definitely be achieved. ..." (Not to mention that she has no idea what having an actual reason for anxiety feels like). Well, there's one thing I can agree with her on... there's people that I used to look up to that I shouldn't have. That includes her and the rest of the FMA OC Matriarchs. Because those people are nothing more than self-entitled, immature, holier-than-thou individuals, who act like their word is law, everyone else is lower than dirt underneath them, and use their mob mentality on others for some stupid petty "block brigade" on Tumblr just because someone doesn't like their OC with Ed. Even when I was a small barely-100-watcher DeviantArtist, I saw them all and their true colors and thought that way of them. 10 years later, and my mind still hasn't changed. Because people don't change, no matter how badly they want to--I'm a bright and shining example of that. My goal concerning them is the same that it's always been: "Knock [them] off their thrones." My mind hasn't changed about them. And I still wholeheartedly believe that what they did, have done, are doing is NOT the right thing to do. And I will keep working my tail off until I surpass them and take them down a peg. No one that "looks up to" you should be treated in the ways that they have done over the years. If you're looked up to, be an actual adult for once as well as a good role model. Of course, I am far from being the latter. Little me from 2010 might look at my art and say: "Wow!" But, I just have to say in response: "Kid... forget all you know about art. Go get a degree in the medical or science field. You don't want to go down the path I had to take." Present-Day "Me" isn't someone that 2010 "Me"--or anyone else for that matter--should look up to. I'm not worth anyone's time. I'm a "lost cause" after all, and I'm not someone that should be seen as "inspirational". Not after the things I've done and said over the years. And, through this entire decade, I began to see that the world is nothing more than a dark and cruel place full of people, who will turn against you the moment you disagree with them or abandon you when they have no use for you anymore. (That's not me being "edgy" -__- That's me being realistic). But, then again... had I not pursued this path and found the FMA fandom, I never would have met my best friend, AAV. She's the highlight of every New Year in my life, and, while the world may seem bleak to me the majority of the time... she finds a way to light it up in her own special way. So, even through these ups and downs, I'm happy to have her in my life. She means everything to me, and I wouldn't trade anything else in the world for her. No, we're not a couple--like many have assumed and publicly stated on that rumor--, she and I are just friends. Best friends, yes, but friends nonetheless. But, other than that, I'm going to keep working on art here on dA, because, with this new decade, there will be a new batch of up-and-coming artists. And, while I don't really think I'm someone worth looking up to, I still want to help them work on their craft and make something of themselves. Even if that one former friend used me for her personal benefit... I still enjoyed seeing how happy she was once she was able to start flying on her own, so to speak. It was an amazing feeling, and, knowing that I helped someone achieve that, I just can't help but feel so proud of them. And, I really want to help other beginner artists out and climb up their own mountain. It's okay if some aren't as fast learners as the others; it's the lessons we learn along the way and the mistakes we make to learn from. Anyway... here's to 2020 everyone!

#long post #You Know Who You Are #ironic how within just the few first months of this year.... everything goes downhill xD #Welp. It's always best to get the negative stuff done and over with at the beginning #better to start bad than end bad #madiis musings

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setsunatama3 · 5 years ago

Text

chapter 19: hard choices and confrontation

AN/ don't forget to check me out on twitter at https://twitter.com/setsunatama3 for any announcements from now on. notice i also post on wattpad at :https://www.wattpad.com/773701195-the-maelstrom-of-remnant-chapter-one-exile

arcive of our own at https://archiveofourown.org/works/20596958?view_full_work=true

deviant art at: https://www.deviantart.com/setsunatama3/gallery

fanfiction.net at: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13280840/1/the-Maelstrom-of-remnant

tumblr at https://www.tumblr.com/blog/setsunatama3

ficwad at https://ficwad.com/story/279918

chapter 19: hard choices and confrontation

For Emerald, it was hard seeing Cinder like this. The woman she swore to serve in all things. Broken and looking so small. Knowing the only thing she could do for Cinder right now was wait and pray she makes the right choice. When Cinder woke up, everything would change. It was the one thing emerald knew was a fact as she watched. The comatose Cinder on the bed.

Memories flashed in her mind of a little girl with amber eyes. That seemed to glow even in the light.

"Mama, wait for me!" the girl called out. Only for the woman to fade into darkness with red eyes.

When she turned to run, the ground was covered in blood. It was a nightmare, the walls, floor, and even the very sky rained with red. Dying everything a verdant inescapable crimson as far as the eye could see. As the sky rained red, the girl ran through the city streets desperate to find her mother. Not caring of the bodies that littered the streets or the smoke in the air. She tried to hold back her tears and her fear as she ran the red eyes just around every corner. She had only stopped once she made it home. Only it wasn't home anymore; the house was on fire and the red eyes were prowling out of the front door. Dragging the still form of her mother pooling crimson behind her cooling body.

In that one moment, the girl's whole world fell apart. In her earth-shattering despair, something happened.

For a moment, the world stood still. Her despair and grief turned to rage. Furry in its most pure form. As something inside her snapped.

Letting out a cry of rage and anguish all at once. The earth shuttered under her anger. Bent to her will spires of metal, glass, rock, fire shot from the ground. Snuffing out the fires and silencing the monsters with the red eyes and anything else in the village. Save for the lone girl all alone in what is now a silent grave.

Emotionally drained and spent, she collapses in on herself. Utterly exhausted, unable to lift even a finger. When a winged red-eyed monster lands.

She thinks to herself in her last moments. "At least I will see you soon..."

As her vision swam with darkness in those final moments. Terror filled her, and Cinder awoke with a fright. "AAahh...."

Terrified and left gasping for air. And a searing pain in the back of her mind. As the vivid nightmare faded from her memory. No matter how hard she tried, the visions slipped from her as if they were loose grains of sand. Leaving her sullen and hollow.

Hearing the scream, Emerald dropped her glass. Taking off headed for the room Cinder was in. Opening the door in a rush.

"Is everything ok?" Emerald questioned.

And for a moment as their eyes met in the silence. Emerald could see the real Cinder Fall for the first time. What she saw honestly disturbed her. It wasn't the haughty and charismatic woman that she grew accustomed to. But a woman who needed help to restore some semblance of normal to her life.

Then like magic, the mask fell into place. Confidence returned to her features despite her state. It saddened Emerald to see Cinder like this. Always on guard looking for even a hint of betrayal.

"Yes, I am fine. Em, where are we?" Cinder inquired. It was the first of many questions Cinder had for the other girl.

Emerald took a breath to calm her rapidly beating heart and put her words in order. Just wondering how to tell Cinder that she had requested the help of Kitsune. Someone who was diametrically opposed to their goals. Yet he still went out of his way to give them his aid.

"Well, there was something wrong with you, and I was desperate. You were barely even breathing. So I got help." Emerald tentatively answered.

While Emerald had not answered directly. She did solve one of many mysteries. And after a self-check of her person. She noticed that the pain and migraines were gone. At least for now.

But that had brought up even more questions like just who emerald had gotten to help.

"Em, just who did you get to help us, and again where are we?" Cinder prompted. Disregarding Emerald's attempt to dodge the question.

Emerald took another breath to settle her nerves. Knowing there was no way to avoid this question.

"Ok, I'll tell you, but you have to have a clear and open mind about this." Emerald reasoned.

Cinder just glared at her for a moment, annoyed that she was dancing around the question. Before giving her a curt nod of approval. After all, it was Emerald's actions that had led to her improved condition. The least she could do is keep an open mind about things.

With that tentative approval, Emerald went on to explain just how they got here. "When you were unconscious, I made the decision to call Kitsune. I hoped that he could help you, and nothing we were doing was helping you get better."

At the mention of one of the most unexpected unknowns to hamper her plans. Cinder did not expect that it was Kitsune to act on his own and aid them. While it put many of her questions to rest, it also brought up so many more. Like just why did he help, and how?

Feeling tired just from the simple conversation and its many mysteries. Cinder opted to end this discussion here. After all, if Kitsune was really an enemy, then she doubted that they would still be able to draw breath. For if there were anything Kitsune and Ryu where it was decisive and efficient.

"Em, I think I need to rest more before we continue with the conversation." Cinder said. The exhaustion was showing on her face. It was amazing that she was even able to carry the conversation as well as she did.

Emerald made her way out of the room to let Cinder rest. When Cinder spoke up before drifting off to sleep, "Em, thank you..."

Emerald left the room with a smile on her face.

]|[

It had been hours they had been staking out the docks for over eight hours now. And no one had yet to show. It was starting to get a bit ridiculous. Yet the group had not noticed. The shadow who had been watching over them since the girls had gotten there.

It was boring, and it was official for Ruby stakeouts sucked. Letting out another sigh for the fifth time in the last hour. Pouting at the fact she and the other girls. Aside from Blake and Sarada had been made to wait in a building nearby. With the lack of a view, she couldn't even see what was going on.

Even if what Blake and Sarada were currently doing was watching the S.D.C. shipping containers just full of dust. It would be a challenge for them to steal this much dust on their own. And it meant that if the fang was to come, it would not be by land. But by the sea or more likely using an airship.

Naruto had to frown when he had gotten to the docks. From his perch, he noticed his classmates staking out the docks and had to sigh of exasperation in defeat. They were definitely not supposed to be there. There was nothing he could do in this situation but wait.

Night had fallen, and the guards were nowhere in sight. Most likely, amid a shift change. When it happened, the first ones to notice the incoming aircraft was naruto and Sarada. Roused from his meditation by the faint sound of the engines in the distance.

Not wanting the others to be caught off guard, Sarada made a snap decision. "Blake, get everyone ready there coming," she said to the other girl.

It wasn't more than a moment later that Blake heard the sounds of the approaching airships. With a nod, she leapt off the back of the roof and out of sight. Heading to notify the others.

]|[

Roman took a drag from his cigar, calming his nerves hoping that things would go well tonight. Without Neo at his side, he knew it would be more difficult. Especially with rookies from the white fang joining tonight's heist. She, after all, had her own job to complete tonight.

Leaning over to grab the microphone, Roman announced to his men. "Get ready; we will make land in two minutes. Don't screw this up!"

It was a rather short two minutes for Roman and his crew of newbies, but this was supposed to be a milk run for him a chance for the rookies to get their feet wet. When they made landfall Roman made a final announcement. "Gentlemen, get ready cause there is no turning back now."

When the bullheads set down, he, along with the first wave of his crew, disembarked from the ship.

Wanting to get this done in the ten-minute window of time he paid for Roman knew he had to get them to hurry.

"Come on, come on, hurry it up; we only have nine minutes. And I, for one, don't want to be here when V.P.D. shows up. If that container is not attached in the next minute, we will fall behind." Roman yelled. Knowing that if they did not have the first three hooked up soon, they would miss their window, and the boss would make an appearance soon.

The plan was to steal only three containers, which would only take a handful of minutes. Then Kitsune would show up putting the fear of god into these rookies. By then, the fanatics would arrive and be violently suppressed by Kitsune and handed over to the V.P.D. It was a rough plan he had put together. His only hope was that Kitsune would know to hold back and not break these poor sods too badly. After all, the whole part he wanted Kitsune to play in this was to scare these mooks right. They were just civilians, after all.

As the men hooked up the shipping containers, Roman had to smirk at least until things went to shit.

]|[

Upon notifying the rest of her friends to get ready. Blake waited for the airships to land, peering out of a window.

When the first man stepped off the airship, her heart sank. It was the white fang, after all. Seeing her distress, Yang rested a hand on her shoulder in comfort, giving her a soft smile.

"Hey, you don't have to worry. You have us now." Yang said.

With a nod, Blake hardened her resolve to do what is right.

With their preparations set, the ladies of teams RWBY, NNPR, SLVR, AACM readied themselves to stop the white fang.

Naruto's attention was drawn away from the docks by a surge of incoming chakra. It was something that should not even be possible. It was approaching his position fast. Giving him little time to act as he leapt out of the way of several incoming fireballs. With no other perches to land on, he had no choice but to land right into the midst of the white fang. Flipping out of the way of several thrown kunai.

Naruto had no choice but to flip through hand seals as several water dragons were shot his way. Making the hand seals Tiger → Hare → Boar → Dog and intoning (Doton: Doryūheki) crouching down and slamming both palms onto the ground. Shielding himself and the others on the docks from the mystery chakra users with a massive wall of earth.

Not caring about how it happened, one of the fang rookies had managed to get behind him in the chaos. Upon hearing the cocking of the hammer of the handgun now aimed at his head. As the rookie streaked. "Don't you fucking move!"

Naruto reacted quickly. And with brutal efficiency dodging the bullet by a hair's breadth. As it grazed his neck. Only due to the shaking hands of the grunt.

Spinning into a leg sweep knocking the man off his feet and driving his fist into the man's head with considerable force. Cracking the pavement with the blow.

As Naruto leapt away from several more kunai and shuriken. He caught a flash of blonde in his peripheral vision. As the ladies charged into the fray naruto let out a curse. "Fuck!"

Flipping out of the way and landing into a crouch. Kitsune drew his tanto, blocking several more thrown kunai.

In the shadows, he spotted a silhouette and narrowed his eyes. Pulling out four shurikens, he threw them coated in wind chakra in that direction. And dashed off into the direction of his hidden foes.

They met in the middle as his foe lept from the shadows. Managing to stop naruto's tanto with a dagger of his own.

In the moonlight, Naruto came mask to mask with the unmistakable mask of an Anbu. One he did not recognize. Eyes widening in surprise naruto lept away just in time to avoid another masked Anbu whose katana almost ran him through.

This was going to be a tough fight Naruto, though, as two more masked people shunshined into the docks.

Naruto took a breath in and exhaled as he glared daggers at his new adversaries. Raising from his crouched position, he growled, "just who are you?!"

The smallest of the group stepped forward. "We are here to get answers. As for who we are, you should know if you recognize these masks. Just like you, we are ANBU," she announced.

Naruto focused all of his attention on them as he readied himself for what may be the hardest fight in a long time. Taking in every detail of their apparent leader.

Noting that despite their masks and similar dress of the standard flak vest in black. With a sleeveless shirt and the barest hint of mesh armor on underneath it. The only real difference in dress was unlike her subordinates. She was wearing short shorts rather than cargo pants. And the feature that set her apart from everyone else was the fact that she was a cat Faunus with a spit tail and ears.

The thing that made him pause was that once the clouds in the sky broke. Illuminating the docks with lunar light, he saw it his clan's crest was emblazoned on their Hitai-ate. And his blood ran cold with fury. It was then that everyone on the docks was exposed to his killing intent. Forcing them to freeze in their tracks. Then in an instant, it was gone all that malice and rage that only spelled death was silenced. By force of will alone, Naruto calmed himself down. And drawing on the power of nature, taking it into himself.

Settling down his turbulent emotions with the peace of mind, nature gives him. He exhaled, and with it, all the tension left his form.

Now with a clear mind, he looked over his opponents once more. Noting their vibrant red hair. And with his sage mode enhanced senses, he could feel their power. And it was definitely not Aura; it was chakra. It answered some of his questions. As Naruto let the power of sage mode slip away. He was left with even more questions.

While he was seemingly distracted the ANBU rushed him. The one wearing what looked like a tengu had reached him first.

It was a rather impressive feat of speed. Made all the more perfect by his use of his katana, drawing it from its sheath in one fluid motion cutting through the spot that Naruto was in just missing him by a hair. Naruto stepped to the side of the oncoming strike. Gripping his sword with both hands, he followed through intending to cut Naruto from shoulder to hip.channeling wind into his blade. Forcing him into his team's trap. As his other two teammates made use of the same technique Naruto had used earlier. Having maneuvered themselves into position to either side of Naruto, the ladies flashed through the hand signs Tiger → Hare → Boar → Dog and intoning (Doton: Doryūheki) pining naruto in on either side forcing him to leap backward to avoid the strike.

As he lept back, Naruto was surprised when he felt the swell of chakra. It was unmistakable now. On who these people were now. As he was wrapped in chakra chains. It confirmed at least one of his questions. They were Uzumaki or at least the Faunus girl was an Uzumaki.

Walking up to the restrained Kitsune. Bakeneko had to smirk behind her mask. This was easier than she had thought it would be.

"You're Uzumaki, aren't you?" Kitsune inquired. Showing no signs of distress despite his bonds.

When she heard his tone, it triggered something deep within her a primal part of herself that she did not like. As her instincts were raging telling her that something was wrong, it had come a moment too late as in a flash of light, Kitsune exploded.

Naruto had thanked his good graces that he had replaced himself with a shadow clone when he had lost his temper. As their teamwork was flawless had it been anyone else they had been after, it would have likely ended with one of those chains impaling the poor bastard. Rather than attempting to capture him

Bakeneko bit back a curse as she was blown away from her teammates in the explosion. Flipping in mid-air to orient herself with the ground. As she flew just beyond the dock, landing perfectly on the water's surface. She scowled as Kitsune alighted right in front of her. This was going to be difficult. And she knew it. Just based on what she felt from his now unleashed chakra. He was a monster in human skin.

]|[

When the fireballs hit the docks roman was shocked; all of his plans went down the drain in less than five minutes.

"Damn, damn, damn it fuck this shit alright gents grab what you can we are moving out now." roman snaps out with a growl.

He knows with those explosions, the time frame they had to work with has just been cut in half, and he only has rookies to work with. Then a shot rang out across the docks just missing him by a hair. Grazing his cheek. Causing him to let out another growl of frustration.

When he sees the students of beacon charging his men. With a quick glance around, he sees only two containers have been hooked up to the bullheads, and there are eight more shipping containers. With his original plan of having at least three of the containers hooked up. Then by the time the boss showed up. The veterans of the fang would have been a prime target to be made an example of.

But now with the kids from beacon showing up and with that explosion. Roman knows it's only a matter of mere minutes now. Before the V.P.D. shows up soon. And to top all that those damn kids will tear right through his current forces.

Crushing his cigar out of frustration, Roman barked out his next set of orders to the men next to him. "Hold those kids off, while the pilots ready the bullheads we only need a few minutes to secure the cargo we have."

Tossing the remains of his cigar to the ground, Roman strode forwards to his quickly crumbling front lines. His only thoughts on the matter were on just how bad his luck was.

Aiming his weapon right in between the students and his rookies, he fired off several rounds using his Semblance to enhance his shots. He carved a trench into the ground stopping the advance of the kids.

"And just what are a bunch of beacon firsties doing here?" Roman drawled as he made his entrance.

When Blake saw Roman make his entrance with the white fang at his side, it brought up so many questions. But she knew it would have to wait.

"Oh, hey Red fancy meeting you here," Roman snarked, Recognising Ruby in the group of students.

Firing off a blast from his cane roman charged into the group of girls singling out Ruby. He was soon followed by his men in his attempt to buy time.

Only for his approach to be cut off by a blade that nearly took his head off. Had he not ducked it by the narrowest of margins. His hat fell to the ground, completely shredded.

Looking up, Roman glared into the eyes of an oddly smiling girl with orange curly chin-length hair.

As more and more of her blades came out of her backpack, Penny declared for everyone to hear. "I'm combat-ready!" pumping her fist into the air.

With the grace of a dancer, she leapt into battle, immediately putting the white fang on the back foot. Dancing around shots and directing her floating array of blades to dance to a tune only she could hear. Effortlessly blocking sword strikes and incoming fire. With the greatest of ease.

Seeing all this in action, Ruby exclaimed: "wow, Penny; you're amazing."

With a grin, Penny replied as she directed her blades. Her fingers dancing, controlling the many weapons in concert with her will. As she slid underneath a sword and headed her four of the swords, she commanded with a slashing motion of her hand. Shield her from a barrage of gunfire. "Didn't i tell you, I'm combat ready!"

As the other students took on the other grunts with his lines collapsing. Knowing it would only be a matter of minutes now. Roman chose the better part of valor and made a quick retreat. Calling out to his pilots. "Damnit, take off when I give you an opening. we will have to make do with the three containers we already have."

With confidence backed by the skill, he parried a strike from the bow wearing Faunus of Team RWBY. Opening her guard, he thrust the end of his cane into her gut, pulling the trigger point-blank.

Blake only escaped what would have been a severe injury by quickly switching herself out with a clone. However, she did not avoid the blast entirely as she was sent skidding backward.

"Damn, damn, goddamnit, just why are you kids doing out here?!" roman snarled. His gate even as he strode towards blake cane raised aimed at her head. His building frustration making his blood boil.

He knew he had to get out of here fast, or all his efforts tonight would be for naught. With that goal in mind, he quickly shifted his aim at one of the cargo containers, not hooked up to the bullhead.

Everything went silent in that one moment as he grinned. And with a squeeze of his trigger, everyone watched on helplessly as he fired a single shot. With a single shot, he gave his men the time they needed.

]|[

She let out a cackle of manic glee as her blood pumped through her veins, and her eyes dilated and became slits. Her fingernails lengthened into claws as she tapped into her Semblance, and her purple eyes turned a vibrant amber. As she was enveloped by a chakra shroud. Hunching over ready to pounce.

With a more bestial growl, Bakeneko called out to her team, "he's mine, don't interfere, Tengu!"

As her transformation took place, the water underneath her feet rose to boil. With a nod, Tengu and the others of her team lept down onto the sea with her. Getting into a position to intercept should anything go wrong.

The pair stood there facing off against each other, waiting for the other to show even a hint of weakness. When the sound of another set of airships broke the stillness of the water as they came to land. At that moment, Bakeneko lept with claws extended she slashed at the air. Igniting the air sending a torrent of what could only be described as blades of flame at Kitsune.

Drawing his tanto Naruto channeled chakra into his tanto, mixing wind and lighting chakra, forcing the blade to vibrate and make a keening wail. As he employed what Naruto liked to call his oscillating blade technique.

Naruto decided to meet power with power and slashed at the blaze with his sword. And as the forces collided, it was clear that the balance of power was not even as Naruto's sword began to chip against the pressure. As it began to push him back. Tapping into the wellspring of his power, Naruto forced even more energy into the blade, causing it to give a cry before slashing through the blaze with an explosion. Shattering into pieces soon after.

When the smoke cleared, the results of the clash were evident on Naruto's arm as he dripped crimson into the waters below as his arm began to emit steam as wounds started to close. Leaving behind, not even a scar. Making the only evidence of his injuries the tattered arm guard and glove.

As Naruto glared at the now animalistic cat girl. As she stalked back and forth, ready for his next move. Far more cautious than ever. He knew the girl was strong. The only question was just how strong she was .As he decided to up the ante.

Withdrawing two of his tri-pronged kunai. Naruto rushed her faster than before. He threw one of his kunai at her channeling his chakra into the blade. Seeing it coming, Bakeneko drew a kunai and threw it at the odd kunai. In an attempt to intercept the weapon.

Only to be stunned when the weapon sheared through the kunai without resistance. As she stared at the quickly approaching kunai in disbelief. Everything screamed at her to move.

Her mind, instincts, even her very being screamed at her to move, yet her body refused to follow her commands.

With the blade quickly approaching, she knew she had no other choice. Drowning out all others in that single moment, she closed her eyes. She delved into her inner world to the source of Semblance. Her own cursed power.

When she opened her eyes, she was standing before a shrine. The doors bound in seals preventing any from entering. She knew she had no other choice but to open the door even if it was just a bit. Any amount of power she could access would be a boon. Walking up to the shrine that suppressed her nature, she placed her hands on the sliding panels. Grimacing in pain as what felt like acid ran through her veins just from touching the doors. Bakeneko pushed through the pain forcing the panels apart inch by inch. Her features changing slowly.

Her tail split into two. Her canines lengthening as fur began to coat her arms, and her eyes began to glow even brighter than before. The shroud started to take a humanoid shape.

When Bakeneko opened her eyes again, she felt the swell of power along with the pain as her body began to reflect what happened in her inner world.

It all happened in a moment with the swell of power drowning out her hesitation Bakeneko reacted quickly. Ducking under the kunai, allowing it to slip right through the crimson tresses of her hair. Trusting even more of herself to her instincts, she spun and lashed out with a kick. Catching the flash of red in her peripheral vision.

But more importantly, she felt her leg make contact with the flash. Sending Kitsune skipping across the bay with the power put behind the blow.

Naruto had to let out a curse as he was sent flying from the unexpected blow. Had he not sacrificed his arm to block the blow. He would have likely been taken out of this fight for the moment.

Standing back up onto the surface of the water, Naruto gave his opponents one of his most withering glairs. As he did a self-check of his injuries. Despite the ruined bracer and glove, naruto knew that his arm was only dislocated and covered in severe burns hanging limply at his side, and three of his ribs were broken as well. He let out a held breath as his wounds began to rapidly close, letting out steam in the process. As his eyes shifted to the telltale bar-like pupil. And with the sound of a sicking crack, naruto tested his arm even as the burnt flesh began to flake off, revealing pink skin underneath.

His injuries healed in a mear moment, Naruto directed his gaze away from his opponent. Only a moment looking towards the docks and the battle that was quickly coming to an end.

Knowing he had to deal with this annoyance first before he could do anything about the fang on the docks.

With his decision made, he charged the foe before him. Bakeneko meeting his charge with one of her own.

Confident in her own skills, Bakeneko met his charge head-on. Trading blows with Kitsune and dodging by the narrowest of margins at least until she ducked under a right hook. When her instincts screamed at her to move.

That was when she felt it an invisible blow drilled right into her masked face. As Bakeneko was sent flying backward. She felt a force act on her whole body as she was ripped from her flight and pulled back towards Kitsune.

Bakeneko knew she had to do something, or her teammates would interfere. And this Kitsune was someone they would not likely be able to handle on their own, let alone as a team. So with no other choice, she opened the gates that held back her power even more. Despite her quickly slipping sanity and the madness subsuming her will. With a cry of rage, she opened the gates as far as she could with one thought in mind. "Protect them!"

Naruto felt the blow before he felt the sudden surge of power filled blood lust.

The moment she delved deeper into the wellspring of power, Bakeneko lost her tenuous control. And her teammates sprung into action. The aforementioned Tengu taking the lead.

"Yuki-onna cage her and seal her movements, Nurarihyon buy us some time!" Tengu barked out to the two other women.

The team moved in with swift efficiency. Tengu and the now named Yuki-onna dashed towards Bakeneko. As soon as she saw them, her attention was immediately directed towards the pair.

With a roar of a challenge, she met their charge head-on. Yuki-onna slid to a stop and flashed through hand signs. She then clapped her hands together intoning (Makyō Hyōshō). As Bakeneko charged the pair, she was cut off by panels of ice that sprung up on all sides.

Tengu slashed his right hand with a kunai and charged at her his hand alight with a blue flame. The flames soon flickered out. As he ducked a slash that would have taken off his head as soon as he got close.

This was the moment that Tengu was looking for. When she had overextended herself with that last attack he called out to yuki-onna. "Yuki, now!" Tengu cried out.

With a single hand seal, she intoned (Hyōrō no Jutsu) flash-freezing Bakeneko's legs and arms.

With Bakeneko immobile, he charged his fist with all of his chakra. And slammed his palm into her chest, and it glowed a brilliant blue flame and then shifted to a corona of gold. As the seal script flowed out the color of his blood.

]|[

Knowing that her time was short, Nurarihyon acted quickly, casting one of her strongest genjutsu. Making the tiger hand sign she intoned (Kokuangyo no Jutsu). Drowning Kitsune's senses in total darkness.

While trapped in this genjutsu, Naruto idly thought it was a unique application. From the moment it was cast. Sound, sight, smell, and even touch was gone, yet he knew if he chose to activate his Rinne-Sharingan, make use of the six paths chakra, or also make use of Kurama's chakra. Yet this genjutsu made him curious as to just what they were up to.

It was why he opted to let this play out, relying upon his sage mode enhanced senses. Those same senses enabled him to duck a sword strike that would have taken his head where he anyone else.

Relying on what he could perceive through his sage mode enhanced sense, he sidestepped a thrust. Then nimbly leapt away from what felt like a horizontal slash.

At least until he felt his blood flowing from a wound on his chest. It was strange, so strange Naruto felt he had to voice his curiosity. "It's strange this Just is definitely the second Hokage's technique. But there is something different about it. I can sense you, but it's almost like you're there yet not. So that means that you're enhancing this somehow to the point it is not only cutting off four of my five senses. but distorting my ability to sense chakra as well..."

Naruto said as he began to smile behind his mask. With a flair of chakra, he broke out of the Jutsu. Just as her blade came in intent on taking his head.

Leaping back just out of reach once more. Yet her sword managed to connect with his mask despite the distance. Digging a deep furrow into his mask.

Opting for a jutsu as a retaliatory strike, he quickly flashed through the hand signs Rat → Snake → Horse → Snake → Dog. Intoning (Fūton: Shinkū Renpa). Sending highly compressed blades of wind in her direction. Yet as if she were a mirage, she remained unharmed by the attack. And soon faded into mist along with her companions. As if they were never there.

With the withdrawal of the apparent Uzumaki Anbu. Naruto turned his attention to the docks and the battle being waged. Pausing only for a moment gazing at the new illusion of the woman known as Nurarihyon before him.

"You are just as strong as we hoped. It has been an honor to do battle with you Naruto Uzumaki. We hope to see you again one day." Nurarihyon said as her form began to fade once more.

Naruto quirked a brow underneath his mask as a massive grin began to form on his face. "You know the next time you want to fight, you just have to ask." Naruto sarcastically shot back, As he broke character for the first time that night.

Turning his attention back to the docks, he leapt back up onto the docks just as the battle ended.

As he was mid-air, he heard the telltale crack of gunfire than the cacophonous sound of an explosion. Unable to do anything about the oncoming shockwave. Naruto opted to curl into a ball, letting the shockwave of the blast carry him back into the water with a slightly rough landing.

Swimming back up to the surface of the bay, Naruto was just in time to see only two of the four bullheads take off their cargo in tow.

Scowling naruto pulled himself onto the surface of the water. Glairing in the direction of the fleeing bullheads and the smirking figure of one Roman Torchwick.as he hung from the end of one of the containers.

Amidst the heat of the blaze and the sounds of sirens blaring off in the distance.

Naruto knew he could not remain any longer. The whole mission was a wash.so with a single tiger hand seal.

He vanished without leaving a trace...

AN/ so guys I have some news 1st is I am not dead yay. but I recently fucked up at work like a dumb ass not thinking about what I was doing and cut off a small bit of my finger at work. while I am fine and have all my digits it will, however, affect my typing speed for the future. due not worry though I will still work on my fic as always. injuries like this are not uncommon in my chosen profession and are not a big deal just annoying (I've had worse almost cut off a thumb once that was bad compared to this).

#the maelstrom of remnant #naruto #rwby #crossover #fanfiction

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