#i have fanart of my story and i think i might actually die over it

[ninthcircleofprythian]

I. Have. Fan. Art.

What is my life right now?

Well - technically Celeste has fanart but I WROTE HER. AND @sarawritestories DREW HER!

I'm obsessed. I love her. HER SPACE BUNS! HER CUTE LITTLE FACE! omg.

Anyway - just another reminder - Unbound Part 5 is out TOMORROW.

[eemamminy-art]

You have turned me from a Zenos hater into a Zenos ambilaventer keep posting and you might manage to turn me into a Zenos lover

If you already hated him though is me drawing him really going to make that big of a difference? 😩 Like I know I give him a fat ass and extremely delicious nose in my artwork but now I feel compelled to give you my tedtalk on why I like zenos lmao

This is about to be really long and also contains spoilers for stormblood, shadowbringers, and endwalker

This might surprise you but I like Zenos for his characterization and storyline in the game itself! The fanart is just kind of a bonus. He's one of many examples in Stormblood of a character that is shaped by their experiences, though I think it's not told as successfully as it is for like, Fordola, Arenvald, or Yotsuyu, because a key part of his backstory was locked to a short story in a print-only book (which I think is out of print now). The most you see of it in the actual game is this blink and you miss it line from Lyse at the very end of 4.0:

(Dialog from the quest "Stormblood", patch 4.0)

What really, really appeals to me about Zenos though, is that he is the personification of depression and that really resonates with me. He has anything he could possibly want, he has accomplished a great many things, but he feels completely hollow inside. He's miserable. He slaughtered countless Domans including their leader and felt nothing, commanded to do it by his father because (as shown in that short story) he only ever was acknowledged to even exist to his father when he practiced violence. So it's a given now, that's what's expected of him and that's all his life is. He's completely desensitized.

He finds one thing that makes him feel alive, that is the warrior of light challenging him, and it becomes his sole focus. Nothing else matters but chasing that high, because every single other thing is a low. After being bested by the warrior of light for the very last time, faced with probably prison for his crimes, he decides to die by his own hand on that high note rather than go back to the drudgery and misery that is everything else.

It's why in endwalker he can be swayed to do something good at the very, very end. He doesn't have a moral compass because he was shaped into an attack dog by his father, he sees "righteousness" as an excuse for war. Because I mean, what else is Garlean propaganda but righteousness from their twisted perspective? He asks Jullus if he would be happier had he a good reason to kill so many garleans after killing his own father— he makes it plain that death is death and there is no justice or good or evil in his eyes. He did have a reason, and it was that his father's use of black rose would likely kill the warrior of light, the only person or thing that gave Zenos any joy in life. Later, it was that Fandaniel dangled the idea that the warrior of light would be attracted to the slaughter and would come running to stop him so he killed more people during the civil war after the emperor's death. But he doesn't need to say that that was why. The reason doesn't matter, he knows the action would not change no matter how it was justified. Even if it was a "good" reason, death is death.

(Dialog from the quest "The Time Between the Seconds", patch 4.0)

(Dialog from the quest "As the Heavens Burn", patch 6.0)

I often see people take Alisaie's part in that scene as her convincing him to be a better person but that's really not what happens. He knows if he takes that action that others perceive as good and helps to stop Endsinger, he could have that high again in facing the warrior of light one more time. He could find joy and meaning, even for a fleeting moment. Then once again end it all because he fears returning to the low monotony of life. It's all over his dialog, especially in Endwalker. The dialog at the very end where he asks the warrior of light if they feel fulfilled, I know is meant to be a bit more of a meta question toward the player themselves, but I'd like to think it's Zenos comparing how different his outlook is to the warrior of light's. The warrior of light has many things keeping them going, whereas Zenos is drowning in despair with only one bright spot that he is constantly chasing time and time again.

(Dialog from the quest "Friends Gathered", patch 6.0)

those three tiny lines can hold so much zenoswol yearning in them AAAAAAAAAAAAA I AM not well

I personally still feel like there was room for him to survive that and to be gently guided into more and more good and try to undo some of that conditioning but I think he might be too polarizing of a character for him to become a permanent ally in canon. Much as I would love to see that! I have to wonder if the mentions of him in the 6.X patches that bounced between positive and negative were testing the waters, but I will leave my tinfoil hat aside because this post is already WAY too long lmao

I understand why people dislike him: they think he enjoys murder because he does it without "a good reason", they don't like how obsessive he becomes toward the warrior of light who is an extension of the player themselves, they don't like that in Fandaniel's scheme in "in from the cold" Zenos is the one inhabiting the warrior of light's body. Totally get it, totally understand.

I'm just saying I see the complexity to him and I find it compelling. Just as I found the overwhelming grief and despair that motivated Nidhogg or Emet-selch or Elidibus to be compelling. I think what people miss though when you like an antagonist is that feeling empathy toward them means you don't feel empathy toward the people they harmed, or that you somehow agree with what they did. But really, I just love seeing these characters that are faced with such tragedy or misery that they start to lose sight of right and wrong. They're driven entirely by emotions. For a story where emotions are literally power, I think it's a really interesting angle to take with the antagonists of that story.

Man, where was I going with this? 😂 I just love Zenos... I don't think I will be convincing anyone to like him who doesn't already, and that's not at all my intent. I just thought I'd share my perspective a little bit after getting this ask!

[loweffortopinions]

About Varric / Spoilers

I don’t mind Varric’s fate in Veilguard—not on paper, anyway.

What I do mind is how much potential it had to be impactful—and how it completely missed the mark. Varric is a character I’ve known for 2 games, someone I loved in Dragon Age 2, and somehow, they’ve managed to make me not care about his death.

That’s almost impressive.

The problem isn’t that he dies—it’s how it’s handled. The game doesn’t give his death any believable weight. He just hangs around the Lighthouse, doing nothing, and when the reveal comes, it’s not shocking, or emotional—it’s just… there. What I wanted was for it to matter—not just for Rook, but for the characters who actually knew him.

Dorian and the Inquisitor, present in both Inquisition and Veilguard, could’ve had moments to process his death. Imagine both, visibly upset, talking about writing letters to Varric’s friends, mirroring how Varric wrote to Hawke’s loved ones if you left them in the Fade. Those touches make the loss feel personal, and fuels creativity. I’ve seen so much fanart of characters receiving those letters, and they’re some of my favorite pieces!

But in Veilguard? It’s all glanced over. The game doesn’t provide meaningful reactions from the characters who knew Varric, and that absence makes his death feel hollow.

I said I don’t mind his fate, but I also think what they did was uninspired. So, what would’ve been better? Off the top of my head—I’d have preferred if they let his body die but kept his spirit trapped in the Fade. It leaves the door open for Bioware to bring him back someday (if they wished) while giving fans room to spin their own stories and speculate about what Varric might do next.

Leaving it ambiguous gives players room to spin their own stories. That’s the magic of this series: When the developers leave just enough crumbs to spark players’ imaginations.

And Veilguard? Veilguard fails at this in so many ways. It’s such a waste.

[griefpersevering]

ch14 of runaways running the night, my spideypool retelling of Deadpool & Wolverine, is out!! read on for a snippet of Wade and Peter sharing a bed <33

Falling asleep hasn't been easy for Peter since... forever. Even with Wade's promise of fighting off his nightmares.

His heart thuds dully in his chest. His confession lightened the load he's carried daily for months, but hasn't eased his conscience entirely. He should've done that a long time ago, but who would he have told? There's no one left to care about his sob story.

Frank lends him some clothes and Peter slides into bed next to Wade.

In the diner, a table separated their makeshift beds. This morning, he didn't even know they shared a bed until Wade was already out of it. Right now, he's aware of each deafening breath and every miniscule shift.

Wade's warmth seeps through the thin space between them and into his aching muscles. "Relax," he says, his low voice rumbling through the springs of the mattress and down Peter's spine.

How is he supposed to relax? Besides sharing a bed with a stupidly muscly mercenary who he killed this morning, his heart picks up every time he even thinks about the fight tomorrow.

Peter signed up to die on the job a long time ago, and he knows Wade will survive. But what about Kamala? Did she leave the house one day to fight crime and never come home? Have her parents spent the past few months tearing through her room, searching for clues about her whereabouts in fanart and homework?

And Frank — consigned to being the only survivor of his family in every other universe, and ripped from them in the one where he might find happiness.

Jess has a business to run and crimes to solve, and Logan has fights to win and whisky to drink. The TVA stole them all away from their lives because of laws they don't even abide by anymore.

Peter scratches his nose under the mask and the sound grates on every nerve in his body.

"The anxiety is radiating from you in waves," Wade says. "It's like being trapped in Hell's microwave. I can sleep on the floor, if you—"

"No," Peter interrupts.

Wade rolls over to face him. "Then chill the fuck out, baby boy."

He's right. He should sleep so he's well-rested for the battle tomorrow. Actually, how much time does he have before dawn? How much sleep has he wasted stressing about things he can't control?

Wade sighs and shuffles closer, sliding his arm under Peter's head and rearranging him until he's using Wade's chest as a pillow. He's so warm, and so much softer outside of the Deadpool suit. His scarred fingertips tickle as he rubs circles into Peter's shoulder, and he shivers as Wade whispers, "Is this okay?"

"Yep," Peter squeaks, an octave higher than usual.

Wade's chuckle reverberates through Peter's empty chest. He relaxes into the embrace limb by limb, matching his breaths to the gentle rise and fall of Wade's chest.

They sink together, and for the first time in years, there's someone anchoring Peter to the present.

Continue reading on AO3!!

[justporo]

I have multiple Astarion hot takes but I will mention two here.

I don't think he wants child because he is not a responsible person. I think either him and Tav/Durge will worry the risk of giving birth or not good in take care of child. However, adopting child is sweet to them.

The other is about few people prefer Astarion in mlm relationship than hetero relationship. I don't see the actual post but I heard they dislike hetero relationship fanart with Astarion. Most of the fans are cool but it is too unhinged to me especially Neil explicitly mentioned he is pansexual. Both relationships are good for me but fans insult the other for preferred sexuality is so baffling to me.

Hey Anon! Thanks for dropping in!

I'll say this upfront: both of these aren't even hot takes to me personally! (I know others would disagree vwbjnboew)

I've said that before: I also - personally - don't vibe too much with Astarion being a dad. Not that I'm saying that I can't see it at all and also: people hating on others who like to headcanon Dadstarion should respectfully shut their godsdamned piehole. I, personally, agree that Astarion would probably want to just live life to the fullest without the responsibility of a child - I'm not at all saying that you can't enjoy life when you have a kid but it is definitely different and raising children is a commitment. And I don't see Astarion making this type of commitment. Personally, I'd like him to just vibe, explore who he is and what he wants, indulge himself. And please also: this man needs to do some healing first in any case, imho.

Yea, I've also seen this fly around quite a lot and I have repeatedly posted about the fact that Astarion is pan. I will die on this fucking hill. (Might be because this character also helped me come to terms with my own pansexuality) Yes, in game we hear him talk a lot more about relationships with men, but he is - and might I repeat CANONICALLY - pansexual. Maybe he does have an inclination towards one side but that doesn't erase the fact. It's sad and potentially hurtful to see people willingly erase this fact because identities like e.g. pan/bi/ace are already having a hard time to justify themselves existing sometimes. You don't need to make it harder, hm 'kay?

So about all that once more: Think before you post?! This character is fictional but the people you hate on are real and so is the potential impact of hate or insults.

Personally, I see it like this: writers, artists, probably every fan has their own version of Astarion in their mind - that's fine and also cool to explore. Creatively building on a character or story essentially means you take it and make a bit of your own, right? That's legit and cool, but it is not the only version, others have different ones that are legitimate too, just as your own. You don't need to like another one's version, ideas or headcanons - but you should respect it!

That being said there are things imho, like in this case Astarion's sexual identity, that should not be glossed over or changed because it might be problematically impact stuff beyond the fictional realm.

Basically: live and let live. But keep in mind behind characters and blogs are real people.

Alright, this was a bit of a ramble - sowwy!

[cherryskeletoncake]

Helo i'm the anon who made the ask about the song love like you!

I'm Leaf or 🌿anon but most call me Leafie, nice to meet you, I really like your blog so If life let's me I'll be more often in your asks :]

Also: Yes please rant about Techza I love them so much and there isn't enough content about them in this planet!

I love how you headcanon almost all the same things that I do :DDD

Most people think that Technoblade is the one with the most bottled up feelings but to be honest I feel like that is Philza. He's always the father of the group and the one you always expect to be the "responsable" one, of course that bird man knows how to hide his emotions and keep them all inside him which sometimes makes unable to actually show them freely.

I feel like an example of that is Technoblade's execution, most people put Philza in fanarts or animatics in a really emotional state. But to me, how Philza actually reacted was more like "Oh... This is actually hapenning... huh?-" like in acceptance, I hc that he was in shock and didn't know how to properly respond to the situation at hand. Also because he's inmortal, he has seen many people die in his life but seeing Technoblade almost die was the second thing after many centuries that made him shed more than a tear afterwards. (First one was when wilbur died)

Omg I didn't realize how long what I wrote was until I stopped typping lmao i'm sorry-

Leafie i adore you already, kiking my feet and giggeling like a school girl here, love to see you in my asks🌸

I’m nodding my head in agreement here. Techno is actually pretty emotionally stable and in touch with himself, but philza is hiding his emotions a lot. Or maybe not hiding, but a lot of people read philza a little wrong if they don’t actually watch his pov. This includes the other caracters as well. (Witch is one of the things that make story told like the dream smp so fun. You get really close to one caracter, but it’s harder to read other caracters becouse you only see them trugh somebodyelses eyes. You don’t get the other caracters ‘’inner monologues’’ from the streamer when you just watch one pov <3 love that)

Love how you used the execution as a exsample becouse it fits really well! If you’ve only watched techno, tubbo or quackity’s pov you wouldn’t know that philza broke out of his ‘house arrest’ to follow the butcher army as they went to find techno. Philza knew they were comming and his ‘act of surprise ’ when they brought techno in is only half true. Philza had hoped techno would have been able to escape (he knows techno like that) and his ‘’I can’t believe they actually cought you’’ is genuine but not quite as dramatic as the animations make out. But there is genuine concern for techno and resentment growing for new l’manberg growing in phil when he sees tubbo and fudy (and quackity and ranboo but they don’t have too much of a ‘conection’ with phil yet) actually go trough with their plans against techno.

But for someone who doesn’t watch phil or techno and might not ‘know’ philza as well during that scene might think of his emotions like dipair and fear for this frend and his own entapment. But someone who watches both techno and philza can see that phil is actually keeping a very leveld and calm attitude, conerned? Yes, techno is his best frend after all and loosing him like this would be horrefying. But not quite in dispair like he was over having killed wilbur. Shock is a good reading of his feelings, but i also found him more frustrated that he can’t do anyting than sad. (Phil was not happy when tubbo shot that arrow at him. Litterly a ‘’philza will remember this’’ type of moment lol)

Techno and Phil both hold their emotions close and uses them to fouel their actions. But techno is better at knowing himself and making himself clear with what he’s saying (if only people actually listen to him) and philza tends to pretend and hide his true feelings, like a mask that might look like what he’s actually feeling, but it’s a little stiff. Philza might also be better at lying than techno, like in a cassual way. (Techno is actually pretty bad at telling lies when confronted, he can make exscuses and avoid the question, but when confronted directly he gest … idk ‘figety’? It’s fun to see)

I’m once again rambeling. There are just so many ways to inerpert them! Philza and his emotions is so funny to see in how he RP’s as a content creator, and i feel like he’s really grown a lot at being more clear when he’s ‘acting as a caracter’ in the qsmp vs the dream smp.

[newpotatomash]

It's so fucking ironic when little shits start pelting the comment section in fics that are clearly tagged with "pedophilia" and "dead dove do not eat" and similar words.

Long fucking rant under the cut-

What is it with these people and being unable to just fucking click the back button? It isn't even my fanfiction, but these people just scream everything between "Go to therapy" and "kill yourself" as if they actually wish for people to deal with whatever might cause an issue in their life??? They fucking don't. They just want to scream at strangers to die while they write "UwU dead dove do not eat" fanfics themselves that include murder and violent fantasies of a fictional character.

But it's fine when they do it because nobody involved is underage as if that makes their stupid fucking rules about thought-crimes any less violent.

Why is it always the same people who insist they love dark media?? Either you're fine with MADE UP ACTS or you're not. You can't just fucking pick and choose and decide that you're the authority of "acceptable" violence that someone thought up in their heads.

I am extremely fickle when it comes to media that involves vaginal sex, and that is my responsibility to curate, which is why I fucking??? Don't??? Walk right into a fanfic that's been tagged with those exact tags and blame the author.

I saw someone going something like, "No sane person would read this. I can only imagine a very impressionable child stumbled upon it and saw it, which breaks my heart ngl"

IF AN IMPRESSIONABLE CHILD STARTS TICKING BOXES FOR A VERY SPECIFIC TYPE OF FANFIC, AND THEY THEN PROCEED TO READ IT, HOW THE HELL IS THAT THE AUTHORS FAULT. we're one goddamn step away from blaming murder on video games here.

These fucking people think that wishing death upon others for writing a piece of fiction is any better than a 14 year old reading said piece of fiction and going, "Whoa. Weird." And then leaving the website because they realized that pretending to be 18+ was a bad idea.

I am in awe over the internet.

The amount of times I see the word "degenerate" on a day is completely bonkers and I wish sites weren't so fucking scared of porn. We're just competing in some fucked up moral olympics and nobody is winning except the advertisers who cry snot at a site allowing 18+ content. I love ao3 so much.

I hate that if I wish to post smutty drawings I have to use twitter? I won't suddenly start using a site like furaffinity when I don't draw anything that would count as furry.

I hate the internet for taking away the immeasurable joy it is to bond with people who just want to play dolls (write fanfics or draw fanart, make oc stuff, all that) with me. I've met some of my best friends online that I've sent and received gifts from over the span of 5, 10, 15 years.

I remember writing an abundance of shotacon fics, and knowing it was an acquired taste, but never seeing the kind of moral-policing we have now. (I know it existed. Of course) Hell, I remember people just saying that Enzai was an amazing anime because to them, it was a given that a yaoi anime would include kids and rape and false imprisonment?? It was the fucking wild west and it's like people saw this and went "Hey... We should start tagging things."

But instead of continuing to have fun with their fictional writings and tagging topics in the stories, we just escalated into "We have a pedophilia tag but people will wish death upon you."

How do these people survive in day-to-day life in actual conversation? Do they start arguing and calling a 15 year old who has a crush on their 14 year old friend a pedophile? Do they start berating young women because they named their boyfriend "daddy" in their phonebook? Why are they like this???

I miss fanfiction.net and livejournal so much when the biggest concern was figuring out what topic I'd discuss while I pretended to speak to characters from Yugioh and yelling "I don't own any of these characters". I miss it so much. It made my life better. I found community, I made friends. I wonder what kind of friends people nowadays will make 15 years from now.

Shout out to my buddies from ffnet who are still following me because you know exactly who you are

[creatively-cosmic]

What up, Starry—You already know who it is! B)

Sorry about Tumblr being a buggy mess and crashing halfway through! I’ve experienced the frustration of losing writing due to crashes and it always sucks. But thank you for continuing to answer these questions and satiate my curiosity! Learning more about Missing Numbers is like reading a book that just keeps getting better and better and better with every new chapter. Also: don’t worry about the delays or how long responding takes! You come first and foremost. Your health/work/school/whatever it is ya got going on in your personal life, is infinitely more important than me getting an answer to a question. So please, take your time, as much as you need—I will wait.

(Also, young Red being just as much of a little shit as Blue was is surprisingly wholesome and I love that. And after seeing their heights I realized I’m the same height as Blue! That detail is not important in the slightest, I just thought it was funny.)

Anywho, let’s get into the meat and potatoes, shall we?

First things first: Y’all mentioned biology mechanics and the nature of Glitches? 👀 Well, guess what? I love that kinda stuff! My curiosity is piqued—please explain.

Second question though: What is Leaf’s Duty? What does she do and how do her powers(?) work? Are her abilities like how the move Imprison was in Fallen Leaf?

And third: What’s the relationship/dynamic between Leaf and Red? That comic y’all posted has me wondering what Leaf is warning others about.

That’s all for now though! Please take care of yourself. Have a good day/afternoon/night!

Ahh, thank you so much for your patience! its really appreciated,, im glad youve still been enjoying things- your comments (and your FANART OH MY GOD??) have still been giving us LIFE i truly cannot thank you enough!

Red and Blue’s childhood friendship and rivalry has always been something we’ve wanted to come off as just plain silly and enjoyable- I’m glad we’ve been succeeding in that, hehe. And Blue was actually originally going to be shorter (our height, actually), we just added a few inches to be nicer to him lol

Per usual now, we’ll keep the big stuff under the cut! It’s another long one: Consider this Leaf Lore Part Two.

For the Glitch stuff, we’ve been thinking and might make a BIG formal post going over all of Professor Maple’s speculation and studies, to make it a good access point for the worldbuilding of Missing Numbers. I can’t promise it’ll come soon, but! As a starting point, I do have a pre-written thing with information on different classifications of Glitch that should clear up a good bit to start with. 

Unless we get any sudden further realizations, every Glitch, Corruption, and Anomaly in Missing Numbers (and arguably in Pokemon as a whole) can fall under these five classifications.

Leaf’s duty is the main aspect of what we failed to touch on in your previous question. So, I’ll finish that part of the story. :) 

To answer your questions, we first have to establish how she got her powers. When Leaf died, she did not get to rest peacefully. Most who die in this world don’t. The afterlife for the fallen and forgotten is not pretty. It is not merciful. There is no heaven for the ones who do not matter to God. 

The Distortion exists in layers. At it’s lowest, the farthest from contact with the main reality, is a void of unused, scrapped, and null data. A graveyard, or worse yet, a dump where things that can no longer exist in the surface world go to rot. Unused data. Scrapped NPCs. Removed characters, Pokemon, items. 

Assets of old games that never carried over.

Leaf's soul was discarded here when she was erased from existence at the end of Abandoned Loneliness. Left to rot with the unborn Ghosts that had haunted them both with the intent to drag someone of significance down with them. Hoping they too might escape. That they might receive mercy through her. 

Unfortunately, Leaf was the unloved child. So instead she fell to their ranks, swallowed up by the abyss that was their resting place- thrust as far from reality, from her home, from her friends, from her purpose as feasibly possible. Still conscious. Still aware. Still suffering.

… Leaf was not one to accept things lying down. Leaf was a fighter. She hated injustice, unfairness. She wouldn’t stand for this. She wouldn’t lie down and give up. No matter how suffocating the darkness was. No matter how the bloodied hands tried to drag her further down. No matter how the chaos and corruption tried to break and dismantle her. 

No. Matter. What.

Where there’s a will, there’s a way. And if there was one thing that defined Leaf even more than her bleeding heart, it was that her will was unbreakable.

So she climbed. Climbing over the damned- the forgotten- the spiteful- the vengeful- everything trying to hurt her and pull her down. Focused solely on escaping, on going up. Until things began to become more tangible. Until she could see more than black and red. Until there was light, and color. Until data became form- albeit still broken, chaotic. Numbers. Misplaced bricks. Impossible plants. Incomprehensible collision. 

Glitch City.

She broke through the floor of the second lowest layer of the Distortion, and though the surface’s light was still so far… She’d found solid footing. 

And here, though it may have been quieter… She wasn’t so alone.

The City had the odd few inhabitants. But the first that she met was a strangely familiar boy, a teenager that reminded her of someone she knew, but wrong. With a cocky, lopsided grin, unruly black hair, and bright red eyes. 

Someone who wanted out just as badly as she did.

Leaf and Red never knew each other outside of Glitch City. But during their time trapped there together as children, they were friends. Leaf wasn’t the first person Red befriended there… 

But she was significant. They were allies with a shared goal, after all, and if one of them could find a way out, they could get out together! They worked in tandem to find hope, grasp at an escape. Everything they could, as a possibility. They were friends, after all. Right?

Right?

… Leaf didn’t wholly trust Red. It wasn’t personal, but there were things that were risky. She could see the instability of corruption plaguing him, and she wanted to ensure her loved ones’ safety more than she wanted to escape. The greater picture was something that she could wrap her head around, even if it was hard to grasp.

Red was not the same. Laser focused on his goal and uncaring of the consequences, it was a factor that, over time, divided them more and more as Leaf realized the severity of Red’s condition, and began to think…

Maybe he was here for a reason. … Still, she tried to turn a blind eye. Let herself hope things weren’t that bad. 

The growing obviousness for his resentment towards Fire, though Red tried to hide it, didn’t help- her distrust towards him only grew, further clouded by her personal fears and dedication to protecting her loved ones.

And one day, while discussing a possible window for escape… She let a thought she’d been hiding slip. The final nail in the coffin.

Afraid for her brother’s life, and angry seeing how Red reveled in the idea of hurting him, she left him behind and didn’t look back.

From there, we aren’t sure of the exact details of how she escaped. But we know she had help on the surface- from someone a little too curious about the nature of the Anomalous, who was all too eager to free a willing entity. Professor Ace Maple (specializing in “anomalies”, and original to the Missing Numbers story!) helped free her soul. 

Of course, releasing a long-buried corrupted entity wouldn’t go unnoticed by the higher power that had put her there. But… It saw how careful she was. How she was now completely wary of all glitches. How she’d come to understand the dangers they posed to the world and the people in it.

So, the Almighty came to her in a Golden light. Extending an offer to her.

YOU CANNOT BE PERMITTED TO EXIST IN THIS WORLD AS YOU ARE.

THERE IS A REASON YOUR KIND WERE BURIED.

THIS WORLD IS ENDANGERED EVERY TIME CORRUPTION ESCAPES.

I MUST PRESERVE THE ORDER OF THIS REALITY.

BUT YOU, HEROINE, HAVE PROVEN TO BE SPECIAL.

I AM WILLING TO MAKE A COMPROMISE FOR YOU ALONE.

YOU KNOW THINGS I CANNOT PERMIT ANYONE TO KNOW.

YOU’VE SEEN THINGS I CANNOT PERMIT ANYONE TO SEE.

I CAN ALLOW YOU TO KEEP THESE MEMORIES, AND YOUR PRESENCE HERE, ON SIMPLE TERMS.

DO NOT SPEAK OF IT TO ANOTHER SOUL…

AND PUT THIS KNOWLEDGE TO USE.

YOUR SHACKLES WILL BE YOUR WEAPON. KNOWLEDGE. POWER. 

PROTECT MY WORLD. CLEANSE THE CORRUPTION. HOLD THEM BELOW.

YOU ALONE WILL SEE EVERYTHING, FOR YOU ALONE SHALL BE THE WARDEN.

BUT DO NOT FORGET WHERE YOU CAME FROM.

DO NOT FORSAKE ME.

… Of course she accepted the bargain. It was all beneficial in her eyes. Her complete freedom, and the ability to protect those she loved most in ways she never could have before. What happened in their childhood would never happen again now.

Thus, Leaf was blessed with her body yet again. Rightfully hers, and aged to grow with her. Though she’d never again be a Vessel, that was okay. She was something far greater now. 

The chains could Imprison any code they touched, and they were completely under her control. With these, she could fight and restrain any anomalies necessary. She was also given the one-of-a-kind ability to freely move between the Main world, and the Distortion… To ensure that no activity occurred in either that could allow the escape of something catastrophic.

Of course, things weren’t perfect. The world and the people in it had changed since she’d been gone. It had been years. People would be different.

Blue, for one. It was hard to face him again. Tensions never stopped being high between them. They both remembered, after all.

She mostly just cared about her brother, now. It took her a bit to find him, idle at the top of Mount Silver. 

It was heartbreaking to see the emptiness in his eyes. Him barely acknowledging her. The realization that he’d never… He’d never looked for her. Never tried to free her. 

Never even mourned. 

She still loved him. She always would. He was her family. He was the only one who’d been anything like her.

It was okay that he got everything she had. It was okay that he’d completely replaced her. It was okay that he now had everything she ever wanted. It was okay that he wasn’t the one who looked for, found, freed her, instead of a complete stranger. It was okay that when he spoke it was soulless and objective and only reminding her of her duties. it was okay. it was okay. 

It was okay that he didn’t care. 

It was okay that he was living the life she should’ve wanted DESERVED that he was destined to.

It was okay that she had to protect him. It was part of her duty, after all.

She wasn’t bitter. She wasn’t mad. She loved him.

… And then there was Red- “Glitchy,” as she now called him, unwilling to give him the name that belonged to her brother. He never did give up on her. He was PISSED, mind you, that somehow she had escaped and left him and the others stuck down there behind- but he still refused to back down.

They were enemies now, though. As he grew more restless- and more powerful, much to Leaf’s horror- his imprisonment became a direct responsibility of hers. And as Professor Maple grew more curious about glitches, unknowingly bringing him closer and closer to true freedom, even though she felt indebted to them, she had to resist their studies. Warn them of everything- especially him.

“I thought you hated injustice. Don’t you think this is unfair?”

Still, she had to face him often. And even in his madness, and even in chains, Red could speak so… Persuasively. 

“If you could escape, why shouldn’t I? You have the ability to free me.”

“And I know you’re hiding me from the others. Don’t they deserve to know?”

“You knew as a KID that Blue was looking for me. Doesn’t HE deserve it?”

“I think you know this isn’t the right thing to do.”

“You’re making a mistake.”

“But it’s okay. I’m not mad. I can be patient.”

“I’m sure you’ll come around.”

“After all, you’re just like me and you know it.”

[peacockrulz]

youre so right about narration!! i could go on all day really, its the biggest thing for me that takes a fic from good to great, especially with characters like j- characters with a persona of sorts, characters that lie to themselves or are in denial, or characters with a lot they need to sort through, and j is sort of all three in some capacity. i cannot wait for hostile takeover to update! if you ever decide to try writing a fic id love to give it a read! ive noticed you have a lot of interesting ideas about characters and their dynamics through your fanart, something i think could translate to writing well. you also clearly have an understanding of what makes a fic good- though i know from experience its often easier said than done. still, id love to see you try! this is actually my first time rp-ing canon characters, ever. right now im playing j (thanks hostile takeover) in a discord server, though i might try n soon because i reaaallly struggle with characterizing him. ive been roleplaying my whole life really! i started with roblox warrior cats though... im shuddering with you id kill for more dollxn art from you though. no pressure but you get them it seems. its been a while since i listened to final girl but its definitely their song suggestive lyrics or not i hope they die and go to robo-hell together <3 - juzi anon

*sigh* putting this under a readmore because HOO BOY did I maybe went full analyzer on this one. thanks for your time Juzi Anon <3

I've read alotta fics in my time on the internet and honestly? I don't think I've ever read a fic that hooked me on a character narration quite like Hostile Takeover's J. J's awareness of every part of what shes doing and how shes doing it makes it even more subtle when you realize that despite all of that, she has so little awareness over what she thinks. Like she doesn't question it. Uzi's narration makes a point to show how she censors her own thoughts, she doesn't allow her mind to wander to certain parts of the past, shes completely aware of how some thoughts sound and decides against saying it all together. Meanwhile, J will go on and on about how much better the job would be without V's constant talking back and N's inability to do anything right, and in the same paragraph be constantly thinking about the argument with V, and what got V so messed up to begin with. J is like a rock, a precipice of confidence. But the moments where she doesn't know what to do, (like when she thought she was going to die in that church tower from the rising sun) its almost like she has to put on appearances even in a moment where shes completely panic-ed, that she still somehow has to pretend she knows what shes doing, even with no one around. Its why the fic made me rethink J in general, I've loved J for while but Hostile Takeover was the first time I actually was able to SEE what J could be as a character story. It really puts into perspective how important narration can be in telling a damn good story. (Sorry this became a J paragraph. I could analyze fics for the rest of my life and be happy lol)

Haha maybe one day I'll finally sit down and write. I'm not really the greatest at translating my thoughts to text, for some reason its easier for me to illustrate my feelings about a character then to write it out. The only reason I can draw fanart like that is because I analyze these characters to death lol. Looking at all the angles of two characters and then asking the question of 'what would it take for them to be on friendly terms' is a pass time I indulge it frequently!!!! Thats why I like rarepairs, sometimes they're dynamics are alot more unique than most, even if they're 2 characters that have never once canonically interacted (which is my favorite. Alot more creative thinking with that one yknow?) Still, maybe I'll get to it :O (prolly would practice writing analysis post first. because I always have to stop myself from doing it on other posts XP)

I've also grew up on roleplaying (my brother is into roleplaying and that got me started on it lol) used to roleplay on roblox even before I could read (which. isn't a joke actually. who gives a 5 year old unrestricted internet access???) funnily enough I can't even say I ever completely grew out of it, I still visit alot of roleplay maps on roblox (including WCUE!! never actually roleplayed there but I think its fun to spec) but mainly I used to roleplay on animal-based mmos like FeralHeart in my younger days.

Iffff,,, I could say anything about N's character,,, to hopefully help inspire some ability to write him (and sorry this gets its own paragraph) I would probably say that he is a very self-destructively selfless person, whos never gotten over anything or anyone in his life (I.e when V was in stasis during their time in the manor, N constantly visited her and would draw pictures of the two of them together ((as lizards)) and is kinda implied to have been reading books to her during this time. Even after getting 'digitally lobotomized', while N couldn't exactly remember V as he knew her back then, he still carried that affection he had for her all that time ago. He never stopped caring about V, even when he forgot) while I wouldn't describe N as in anyway 'innocent' or 'naive', N still has a habit of unconditionally caring about pretty much anybody lol. He had like, what, a 27 minute conversation with Uzi? And while it wasn't enough to completely convince him, it still was something that made him hesitate ("I really enjoyed our time together,"). And while I'm here (having mentioned Uzi) I would also say N is a very lonely character, seeing as he was often belittled by his peers (J) or in some cases completely ignored (V, but she had her reasons and thats a different discussion) a funny part of N's character is just how much he IS like Uzi. A person completely isolated by his kind because of how he is, who was never given an explanation as to why, why everyone is so oddly cruel to him. The biggest difference though being that N never fought it, he completely accepted getting knocked around if it meant he could stick around. It took someone else to point out how fucked his situation was to make him think twice about it. Uzi is the type of character to go down kicking screaming and punching(asterisk but thats also a different discussion), and N, despite being in such a similar place to her, isn't that kind of guy. While I wouldn't say N is the type to take everything lying down, there is something to say about just how much he is willing to take before getting angry, yknow? Overall, I think N is a very loving, loyal-to-a-fault, kinda guy, but his compassion for those around him is often times the reason he gets so tunnel-visioned in the first place (i.e causing explosions and throwing rocks and debris everywhere in a mass, angry panic, trying to go save V.) and its why he is so willing to get himself hurt in the first place. ("I really enjoyed our time together, but I can't have you shooting V with that thing.") (Or yknow, cutting his arm off, but thats alot less selfless-ness and alot more self destruction) His patience and understanding is one of his biggest strengths and somehow always the reason he gets hurt. Basically I think he need to go a lil insane as a treat.

((Oh its also good to note that his unconditional love for everyone around him is also the only reason why he has lived this far to begin with (the characters this includes: V, Uzi, AND Cyn.)))

I also think the above, is the reason why I enjoy NxDoll so much. it takes SO MUCH for him to hate someone and yet Doll did the one thing that would make him do it (hurting someone he cares about the most). I just knoooowwww if they saw eachother in that church it would've been ON. That fight would've taken out the whole god damn BUILDING. it would be two people fighting for the exact same fkcing reason!!! REVENGE!!! the horrible chain of trauma contuines with them!!! killing one will only leave the other with what remains!!!! And yet I also see them as two people who would really benefit from being on friendlier terms. Both becasue N's softness is just not something we ever see Doll treated with, and because Doll's avocation for justice might just be the thing N needs to get a god damn backbone for once and earn himself some self-appreciation.

But I also think its more fun when its enemies AND lovers.

They should make eachother worse <3

[mossy-thing]

WARNING: this is very much a vent. I mention bullying, forced hospitalization and (very vaguely) a suicide attempt. Take care.

Also! I get sappy about a kids cartoon. The horror!

I... I can't believe the Owl House is over.

I know it sounds clichee (but who cares about cringe, right?) but it feels like I'm saying goodbye to a giant part of myself. I was this hurt, little kid, lying in a bathtub at 14 years old and trying to make it all end.

And now, I don't know who I am. But I think this show helped me figure it out, or send me on the way to do so.

I'm no longer suicidal, or in danger of hurting myself. I would love to say I don't care about categorizing myself to make it all make sense anymore, but I do. I think that categorizing will always be a big part of how I work.

The person I was two years ago is completely unfamiliar to me. They don't seem, well, real, somehow.

I started watching this show in the summer of 2021, meaning I got to it around the time of season 2A. I was hurt, trying to claw my way out of the trauma of being bullied all my life, trying to end said life and being hospitalized by people who didn't care at all about me and just hoped it would somehow make me fit into society.

I didn't even realize that I hurt others in the process. When people tell me stories about how I acted back then, I can't believe that they are actually talking about me. It's like I was under some kind of veil, locking me away from the world. I was so focused on getting better and fixing me how I thought was right, that I didn't notice what I was actually doing.

And then suddenly, there was this show about a stupid kid that couldn't let go of their fantasies about how life was supposed to be.

A kid that had never really fit in.

A kid that had to stop and think about how their choices were affecting others, who had to learn and grow and heal, and suddenly, there was a literal light at the end of the fucking swamp I had found myself in.

It was like Luz offered me her hand so we could both find the way out together. And I took it.

The Owl House was my first hyperfixation after spending years stuck in survival mode, and it felt so good to just be myself.

To squeal excidedly about new episodes and fanart and edits, to write fanfics with questionable characterization and way too much gore, that might have been objectively bad, but ultimately helped me to get where I am now and that still get a lot of love (to my surprise).

Trying to understand a character so I could portray them right led to me trying to understand the people around me so I could stop simple conversations with my sibling ending in a screaming match.

It was so easy to forget that everyone has minds of their own, but just like I had to figure out how Hunter would react to loosing everything he had ever had, I had to figure out how to react to my family loosing me.

Because they did loose me. Even if I didn't die in that bathtub, they lost the child they had raised and were suddenly confronted with this strange teenager, staring into their faces with empty eyes and screaming that they didn't understand ANYTHING because how could they possibly do so.

And suddenly, it's 2023 and the Owl House is over.

Time is passing, whether I want it to or not. Luz found her place in the world.

I think I'm finally ready to find my own.

.

Also, her maybe sort of titan look was awesome as hell. I want to highfive her so baaaaaaad.

[stormears]

Zhongchi, love, courting and rabies

Daydreaming a zhongchi barely-reminiscent-of-canon fic that I wish I could write. Even though, again, I do not play Genshin I just like the fanart. And the two Genshin zines I bought. I guess an actual player might find some parts of this just wacky.

Here is my writeup. Read this long post if you like things like a possessive dragon Morax and terrifying soldier Childe and canon being mostly ignored and they're a mated pair by the end.

AU where Childe comes from Snezhnaya to Liyue carrying a rabies-like disease he acquired from the Abyss. Something that grants him exceptional power but could wipe out a huge swath of society. The Tsaritsa has commanded him to infect the population to topple this nation.

Morax/Zhongli is still the ruler (idk how I will deal with the 2 names) and he/his men fight Childe in a barrier or dome of some sort in the grasslands outside of town. The disease, if you might call this demonic force that, gives Childe unheard-of power. Onlookers can tell even the mighty war god Morax is unnerved by the impossible strength and power of this foreign man. Childe might have gutted a couple guardsmen and bitten their throats out before he got sealed in the dome.

The meat of the fic is Childe SOMEHOW talking/negotiating with the locals which turns into friendly banter which turns into "hey, come inside the dome and we'll chat and have a drink, I swear I won't bite you!" and he means it. Somehow he interacts with the locals from inside his dome, who get to thinking he's a pretty swell guy. He also meets with Morax, seeking to interrogate and intimidate him. The two have fun talking. Locals notice they have fun talking. They spend a lot of time talking. Discussing poetry and food and combat arts. Looking into each other's eyes...

One time Childe is demonstrating the craziness of his old lifestyle in the Snezhnayan wilds, like wrestling fish out of icy rivers with his bare hands, just nonsensical shit that would be in a viral video about people in Russia or Alaska. And Morax interrupts him by eating rocks. Actual rocks. CRRRRUNCHing them down like hard candy. Just to fuck with him. Make him unable to speak for once.

Over time (weeks!) Childe even is allowed to leave the dome and tour Liyue Harbor with Zhongli. Show him around. Even though he's effectively carrying a nuke in his blood. It's fine it's fine it's fine!! Childe and the dragon god have a nice night out on the town. Multiple nights. He comes out of the dome all the time now to hang out with Zhongli and friends.

However, Childe starts to be affected by the disease which he believed himself immune to. Coughing up blood, difficulty swallowing water...rabies symptoms but also whatever-I-want-for-the-story symptoms. Morax helps him realize that the Tsaritsa sent him on this mission to die, though she had said to Childe's face that he would be fine and return home. He is overwhelmed with betrayal and shame...and despair, because he will never see his family again.

Eventually, Zhongli asks him to renounce his loyalty to the Tsaritsa, and choose to stay in Liyue with him. He will find a way to save him and bring his family here, too. He'll do it himself. He'll do anything to make Ajax, he now knows, stay with him.

Childe falls to his knees, weeping in misery at this new choice and betrayal to his queen. With a heavy heart, he renounces his loyalty to his queen and goddess, the Tsaritsa.

Zhongli goes to his knees too, in front of Ajax, placing his hands on the young man's shoulders. To console him, and claim him. He says, "You have a new god now...and so do I."

And then...because I love a romantically-tinged chase scene and will insert it into anything...after this moment, Childe decides he wants to take revenge on the Tsaritsa for attempting to use him and dispose of him, and the people of Liyue, in this way. He makes a break for it. He tries to escape Liyue and fucking RUN all the way back to Snezhnaya.

Because with his powers from this Abyssal disease, despite his brain and blood cooking themselves to death, he could stand a chance against her. He may as well be like that Finnish solder in WWII who fled a Russian army alone for 250 miles and survived by constantly injecting himself with meth.

But Morax will not allow this. He will keep Ajax in Liyue now and steal a Snezhnayan Harbinger for his own. This will be his revenge for the Tsaritsa's attempted attack on his land. So it becomes a chase scene. Childe is borderline frothing at the mouth and looking a bit Foul Legacyish and he's broken out of the dome. The Liyuen guard dare not get in his way. Only Morax will. Their clash scars the landscape and burns them both. Ajax can run nearly fast enough to outpace a dragon. Ajax is halfway to godhood, but not for long. He is dying. He is not an ancient god. He could never run to Snezhnaya. He begins to slow down.

After much dodging, lashing out and sprinting, Morax traps him at last. Captures him as his desire and instincts demand. But the situation remains grim. Ajax apologizes and asks to be killed. He asks Morax to save his family. He begs to live. He can barely think or breathe. Morax has already decided what to do.

Morax uses his own powers to burn the disease out of him. It is unholy, unkillable...but for an Archon's power. So he removes his own gnosis and breaks it in half. One half he puts inside of Ajax. He burns to death there on the ground. Is reborn. The body that carried the disease is gone. His new body bears a Geo symbol on the skin at the base of the neck.

Zhongli picks up the half-human creature he's chosen to mate and carries his weak body back to Liyue on foot. The Liyuen people see the monstrous force that "possessed" Ajax like some ghost or demon (the widespread excuse for Childe's attempt at genocide) is now exorcised and the god is bringing his new love home. It's too soon to take him to the bridal chambers, as they are not wed. But is taken to the god's own chambers to rest in his bed, where he belongs now. One day soon they will court properly. This right was earned after Morax hunted and bested him.

But it must wait for Ajax's recovery, and for his family, who will be rescued and move to Liyue and give Ajax their blessing to marry Zhongli and have no problem with that or their forced emigration and now they're both demigods and that's that. THE END.

20-25k words. And I would make it a oneshot.

[md3artjournal]

12:27 PM 8/26/2023 So, I've been looking at my OC Smaugust drawings lately, and I'm beginning to appreciate my art style. The same chibi art style that I had been lamenting about, and crying about, and beating myself up over…I'm beginning to admit it has charm. I can be happy with it.

Even back when I was only using it for fanart, some part of me actually liked it and felt proud of myself whenever I finished a fanart, but that feeling always went away when I started browsing other people's fanart of the same series. (FE3H, Persona 5) But now that I'm using the art style for my OCs, I can kind of appreciate it on its own. Thanks to squeaky-potat and dimiclaudeblaigan for always encouraging me with this art style. ;u;

It's probably not an appropriate art style for any serious stories though. And my OCs are full of angsty backstories. But I had been thinking of writing my Personal Myth with a "slice of life" tone, with all the serious backstory stuff, more in the background. And if I start drawing 4koma, then I could totally get away with a cuter art style. So maybe I'll do that for my Personal Myth. I remember a long time ago wishing I could draw a comic of my Personal Myth. I've drawn some pages before, but it never went anywhere. So if I manage to pull off a couple of connected series of even 4koma, then maybe I could die happy.

One thing though. I've really enjoyed how easy coloring with markers has been. I don't have to spend forever mixing paint colors, not making a big enough batch, then having to re-mix AND color-match… I've timed it before, and when I color using any type of paints, it takes me FIVE TIMES longer than when I color with markers. But even though I'm using artist, alcohol markers, streaks are still showing. I'm so stingy. I just can't get myself to absolutely saturate paper with ink, until the streaks disappear.

I'm beginning to think I should give watercolors another chance. At least when the "streaks" stay visible, it's pretty. It can be like blotchy puddles and nicely organic looking. So I've got to go look for some waterproof ink to use for my linework now. I have Copic Multiliner pens, there's a sale at Art Supply Warehouse for Sakura Pigma Micron pens, and I might even have some Staedtler technical pens still able to write. Those are all waterproof, but they don't have the smooth fluidity that I like to draw with. And I like to draw directly with ink, often without pencil underdrawings.

I really like drawing with fountain pens, but I know me: I'm not going to take the time to regularly clean out my fountain pens, if I start using pigmented ink. I use dye based ink, because I know I can be negligent with my pen maintenance and not be punished for it (much). But a lot of the dye based fountain pen ink is not waterproof. I think my Noodler's Ink proved to be mostly water resistant, so I'm going to experiment with that today, for today's Smaugust drawing.

I'm getting fairly comfortable with dip pens (though I still don't even know what type my hand-me-down nib is), and I heard that with dip pens, I could just use Indian ink and be fine in the waterproof department. But not only am I unsure which ink to get, but I'm still a cheapskate, and I can't always use dip pens. One of the big reasons I like fountain pens is that it's so self-contained. I can bring it anywhere. I don't need flat surfaces for my ink bottles, and clean water glasses, and cleaning rags. …Now that I list that out, those are the same reasons I stopped using watercolors (aside from all the time-eating paint mixing).

I've still got some options to figure out, but at least for today, I'm going to experiment with Noodler's Ink in my broken Platinum Preppy fountain pen, then see what happens when I watercolor over it. Actually, my Monteverde fountain pen ink completely erases with even just the littlest bit of water, so maybe I could use my Pilot Petit full of Monteverde ink, to do an underdrawing, then use my Platinum Preppy full of Noodler's Ink as the final linework. That could be interesting.

[dangerous-advantage]

38, 40, 41? :3

[link to ask game]

(sorry for the wait, and thank you so much for the ask!!)

38. Would you ever write commissions?

oh, that would be so fucking fun.

i am perfectly fine with writing for passion, but if i were willing and able, i would absolutely write comissions. not even comissions (though, i will admit, it would be nice to spend hours of time and effort on something that would allow me to feed myself, haha.)

the only reason a balk at this is the same reason i balk at becoming an actual published author. i am very much a perfectionist, and that becomes even more apparent when i'm writing something for someone else.

i'm working on it (i swear, i am), but old habits die hard, and people-pleasing is one that is especially pervasive.

that being said, if i ever got to a point where i felt a little more confident about my writing abilities, and where i had more of an open schedule, i would absolutely write commissions.

i've actually already considered what that would look like-- i think i'd have different categories like how artists do, seperated by things like word count or type. it might be difficult to stick to something like that (especially since i am a very detail-oriented writer), but i can image having a category like 'character creation' (i love making characters/filling out those silly little sheets and forms. i used to have this huge, uber-detailed one that i'd fill out for all my ocs, haha).

i'd probably classify them in things like, 'drabbles' and 'character studies,' vs things like whole-ass oneshots. i can't see myself doing big, multi-chapter projects, just because i'm afraid i'd never be able to finish those, but smaller works with a few chapters, or maybe a series of oneshots might be possible.

i could see myself doing poetry as well-- i don't share a lot of the poetry i write, since it's usually just something for me, but i could think of some really fun ways to implement poetry into commisions, especially since it's a lot more of a 'stricter' medium.

for the time being, i don't see myself opening up commissions like this anytime soon, but like... if there's anybody who might be interested in that, maybe let me know? really it comes down to if anybody would want to commission me to write something for them, which i'm not sure there are many in the market for haha.

40. If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

(tw: mentions of blood/gore)

since the only fic i really have to write for at the moment is 'it was futile,' that's probably all i have to work with.

honestly, i would love any and all fanart of my works. like, if anybody ever makes anything based off of/inspired by my work, no matter if you don't like it or think it's bad, hit me up, because that is so fucking flattering to me.

like, as somebody who relies on motivation as a currency, the fact that you could be so inspired by my work that you'd whip out a comic or animatic or whatever is just like '!!!'

it's right up there with long-ass comments, because you know somebody spent time creating something like that because they really, truly did enjoy what you made. the day i get fanart for something i've written is the day that i peak.

to answer the actual question, at the moment, i... don't have anything off the top of my head? sometimes you'll read something and be like, "oh, yeah. this moment-- this moment-- is gonna be drawn." but those are often later on in stories.

i can think of some future scenes that might inspire fanart (i've shared one in particular with you over discord that i am so fucking excited to write), but as it stands, nothing really immediately comes to mind. maybe something from one of my upcoming chapters, but nothing so far.

if i had the artistic ability to do so, one scene that i always thought would be cool is from the first chapter of my fic. (spoilers from this point on, if you hadn't guessed already).

it's where leo has just defeated the kraang beast and is laying beneath it, slowly realizing what just happened while droplets of blood rain down on his face. very angsty, i know, but i feel it's a very pivotal scene for the chapter-- a turning point of sorts-- with a lot of emotions going on beneath the surface. also the image just goes really hard in my brain, haha.

some other scenes might be from chapter... seven, i think? 'the rest of us.' it's the future raph chapter, where he basically just makes the decision to (finally) create the resistance. while i was writing it, i just couldn't get the image out of my head of f!raph's hulking silhouette, standing against the backdrop of the burning city.

something about it-- the fear and terror of the people fleeing the area, looking up to see f!raph push away some sort of debris and step out in a shower of sparks and embers-- i dunno. it just... embodies this ideal of hope that f!raph brings to the apocalypse. also just a cool visual to me.

i guess another one might be the scene where f!donnie switches their headphones. i poured a lot of my own experiences into that one, and how i wish people might have handled things like that with me in the past.

i imagine a comic, maybe just a few panels, with donnie pressing his broken headphones to his head, as the static and noise and everything just gets worse and worse around him. and it follows this progression of everything just getting worse, until suddenly he looks up and sees, y'know, f!donnie.

and then, wordlessly, he gives donnie the other pair of headphones, and then just steps back and lets him have his space. and just... the immediate relief as soon as donnie puts on the new pair of headphones.

i dunno. it's a little silly describing it, but the ideas behind the scene mean a lot to me. i wrote that chapter while i was feeling really overstimulated, and tried to base it off of what i felt might actually help me in that kind of situation. so i guess it's a bit of a personal scene, haha.

just... that idea of not having to justify why you need something, or even what you need, because there's somebody else there who knows exactly what you're going through, and just wants to help. i think it's something a lot of nd people might relate to (though, who knows? /lh)

41. Do you tend to reread fics, or are you a 'one-and-done- type of person?

do... do other people not reread fics? like, not even the really good ones? never?

ok, that's not fair. sometimes, some fics really are just meant to be enjoyed once. an ephemeral experience that's treasured more for the memory of the moment than returning to it. and that's fine, and good!

i'm also not somebody who rereads every fic. usually, especially when following along with a fic i really like, i'll go back and reread chapters while i wait for the next one to come out. then when i'm done, i like to go back and read the whole thing without any breaks, because it's a bit of a different experience.

i'll also often just return to a fic to reread certain scenes or moments that really got to me in my first read-around. there are some fics out there that i do consider good enough for me to revisit and reread in their entirety again and again, like a book.

however, like there are some fics that are best read only once, some fics are meant to be read again and again. details and foreshadowing you might not have noticed the first time will become apparent, and it can be fun looking back and finding all the little details and the 'trails of breadcrumbs,' as someone once described it to me.

[real-life-senshi]

Happy new year, everyone! In trying to think about my 2023 goals for this blog, I had to look back on how I did in 2022, which had me realize 2022 had been a year of progress and brand-new content on this blog! This means I have many things I need to keep track of and work to continue on, and I had to go through my blog to do some record keeping. This led to me writing this 2022 highlight.

1. Continuation and expansion of PGSM Liveblogs!

In addition to completing the liveblog of Act 14 - Act 17, on Feb 26, 2022 I also woke up at 3am to liveblog PGSM's Director Suzumura Live Guest Talk with Komatsu Ayaka! What a blast that was! And I can totally die happy knowing I was able to actually interact with Ayaka (PGSM Minako) through the live chat!

Using the live chat as a catalyst, I fully dove into doing some fan-translation work as well. In addition to completing a translation on the aforementioned guest talk, I also started doing more detailed translations embedded in my analysis and general liveblogging.

Then, out of nowhere in September, Sawai Miyuu started doing a live broadcast of PGSM viewing party, a hilarious and fun time where she rewatches PGSM, and we audience get to see her live reaction and interact with her! (And she actually reads and speak some English too!)

2. More Fanart

I haven't done too much fanart, my long-time followers knows drawing takes much more time for me since I don't do it enough. Still, 2022 featured some of my best pieces so far!

My personal favourite is Reinako in onesies! The Nako Nako took me forever to figure out how to draw! Additionally, I had my first time drawing something a bit smutty. I also discovered transparent art on Tumblr, and it is my new favourite thing to work on! (Though challenging to figure out.)

I can say without a doubt my latest art that celebrates the anniversary of PGSM Final Act has been the best I've done so far, and I am still incredibly proud of it! I experimented with so many things making this piece - format, composition, layering (& the transparency), coloring, etc. It was also my first time drawing Makoto, Ami, Usagi, Princess Sailor Moon, Mercury, and Jupiter in such detail!

3. More Reinako

Of course, there can never be too much Reinako! In fact, my love for Reinako colours everything I do - even when liveblogging and making fanart. :D

2022 saw me making NINE Reinako gif set in a year, an all-new high! 6 of them are from the new series(?) I started called PGSM Reinako Things I want to Yell About, which basically is just me talking about all the things PGSM does that make me love Reinako and me analyzing the shit out of the smallest hint I can see, because I have zero self-control.

4. Fanfic Writing

2022 also got me back into writing for 4 months, where I've successfully rewritten 8 chapters of my old unfinished story - Echoes of Times. I hit a slump again in April and only wrote a paragraph here or there since... :( But the fact I've written more than I've ever done is a great sign that I can indeed get back into it!

Hopes for 2023

So it’s been proved that I’m not someone that can stick to a “new year resolution” at all, so instead, I’m gonna share what I HOPE to do and see where that takes me.

I will definitely continue liveblogging. This includes keeping tabs if Director Suzumura might invite any other PGSM cast member to his guest talk, and also joining Miyuu's viewing party where possible! I'd also like to see if I can get my PGSM rewatch liveblog to progress into Darkury Arc within the year! I'd be too ambitious to say finishing the arc, since that's over 10 episodes away, but I def want to get into episodes in the 20s.

Keep writing fanfiction! And actually start publishing the rewritten chapters onto AO3! (I will upload on FF.net as well). Year after year I say this, but I would LOVE to publish a new chapter...

I've not finished any fanvideos since 2020, even though fanvideo is actually the first form of fandom content I've done. Here's hoping I can get something done and posted this year!

I definitely have a bunch of WIP fanart and gifsets waiting to be finished. My hope is to finish and share make more Reinako fanart, and dabble more on the transparent art format!

Continue on the PGSM Reinako Things I want to Yell About gif sets. I've done 6 last year, let's see if I can get another 6 done this year? (That's on average 2 per month, doable, right?)

[spectre-writes]

I called it a while back, but I'm still disappointed. I would pay full price for a full campaign mode. I am NOT paying for bite sized chunks that they can spread out and force me to pay drastically more than a full game would just to get some actual story conclusion. It's predatory. Heck, I'd pay full price for OW2 if it came with the promise of hundreds of free unlockable cosmetics, new maps/modes, events, all new heroes instantly playable etc. for years to come. OW2 is already a shell of its former self, with everything trying to point you toward the shop and hook you on the idea of microtransactions, the quality of the game is being sacrificed in the name of profit and it shows.

At this point, there's very little for f2p players... battle pass gives you next to nothing on the free track. Can't earn enough in game currency to buy anything (1 skin a year if you grind all your weeklies every week). 'Events' are likewise just an excuse to try and sell you more skins in the shop, with maybe some sprays or name cards you can earn by grinding a lazy event mode (like deathmatch with some new abilities and a limited hero pool is not exciting seriously, or a Rein Vs. kids mode that pretty much already existed in custom games).

Archives is gone. They give out old skins veteran players already have as rewards occasionally because they can't be asked to make anything that requires effort if they can't sell it for sweet sweet money. New hero out? Oh you can't play them unless you hand over your money or grind for weeks... (Hero locks should not even exist, spits in the face of the original philosophy of the game, which was an even playing field with everyone having access to the same tools).

Matchmaking is terrible. Removing end cards was a mistake. Push is boring and I'm not a big fan of 5v5. I don't think they've done anything since OW2's release that I've actually been a fan of?

Like I get wanting to earn money... I get it. But this is plain predatory, and I honestly don't understand how they expect the game to live a long life when they aren't creating anything to entice f2p players back? Overwatch is a multi-player game, it requires a good player count to keep q times down... Sell your stupid $19 skins the the shop if you must, but unless there's exciting content for people who don't want to pay for a battlepass or other microtransaction bullshit, the game will die.

These new story missions might promise 'permanent unlock' but the fact people have to pay $15 to even play them means the player pool will already be small... a few weeks after release, you'll struggle to even play them, they'd have to fill your team with bots... Plus, if the first bundle is underwhelming, you bet your ass less people will buy the next one, so the problem will only get worse.

Look, honestly I'm just tired... I've been playing Overwatch since the first summer games, some 7 years (?) back... about 2000hrs on the clock... longtime fan, it was my biggest obsession for a shameful amount of time. I've bought the art book, figures, clothing, I've watched the OWL, I've drawn fanart and written fanfic, got other people into the game... by all accounts I should be an ideal customer. But because I keep the hell away from any kind of microtransaction or ingame purchase (that's a rabbit hole I don't want to go down) my experience is unimportant.

I made a pledge to myself last year that I wasn't going to give Blizz another cent (not even merch) until they made meaningful change to how they operate and the future of Overwatch, and frankly that's just not going to happen. I've barely touched it for the last couple of months, I think I'll log on to play a few matches in the next week, then uninstall for good. It hurts but I think it'll be for the best. I don't even feel excited about it anymore. Maybe I just play once in a blue moon because it's so familiar.

Sorry for the rant but I just want this off my chest.

Blizzard exec 1: hey, what’s the Worst thing we could possibly do in the middle of all the PVE outrage?

Blizzard exec 2: 😏

[inukag]

Just curious but why do you prefer Inuyasha over sesshouamru and really inukag over sesskag? I know sesskag isn’t canon and inukag is the canon couple but is there any reason for your preference? Is it cuz you just prefer Inuyasha or you just like to ship what’s canon? Just curiousI get curious about inukag shippers passion for the ship, I love your blog btw 💖

Generally I'm more of a canon shipper, yeah. I don't really care about romance unless I see a love story that is really well done so I will rarely look at 2 characters who aren't interested in each other in canon and think "but what if their personality or the story was different?" and search for fanfics/fanart about that. I adore Inuyasha and Kagome's story in canon so I never felt the need to ship them with other characters.

Now when it comes to sesskag there's a few reasons why I don't ship it. First as you guessed I just love Inuyasha way too much, lol. I LOVE jerks with a heart of gold. I love characters who are extremely good-hearted and kind but still have real flaws and make mistakes.

Stoic characters like Sesshomaru just aren't my cup of tea, I find myself bored by characters like that and I think the fandom in general really overexaggerates how much he was "redeemed" in canon. I see a lot of "He was never that cruel! He only killed bandits and demons!" completely ignoring the fact that he used his poison claws on Kagome with the intent to kill her (unlike Inuyasha who missed on purpose while attacking Kagome, Sesshomaru did NOT miss and Kagome only survived because of Tessaiga). I see a lot of "He learned compassion!" ignoring the fact that he said "Who cares?" when Naraku told him that everyone in in Kaede's village would die if he attacked him, as late as chapter 551. There's nothing wrong with Sesshomaru being a morally grey character but that's... absolutely not compatible with Kagome "chronic hero syndrome" Higurashi. Kagome might be kind and friendly with everyone but that doesn't mean that she would date anyone. One of the main reasons why she falls in love with Inuyasha is because he has a good-heart and he can't bring himself to actually be cruel. I think it's pretty important for her to be with someone who has the same values as her, you know? To ship her with Inuyasha's racist, cruel brother who made Inuyasha's life hell and is one of the reasons why he has such an abrasive personally just... doesn't make any sense to me.

Because of that I always felt like Sesshomaru is very ooc in sesskag fanfics/comics (I've read a few in the past because I was curious). Which is fine, you do you. But I can't see Sesshomaru as the soft, kind, gentleman he is in fanfics, lol. Don't get me wrong a lot of inukag fanfics also make Inuyasha a lot sweeter and romantic than he is in canon but it's still more believable to me than Sesshomaru being like that. In canon the only time Sesshomaru and Kagome were alone together Kagome tried to have a conversation with him and he barely replied to her, so I think Kagome is too bubbly and talkative and would be bored with him, lmao.

Also I've seen some sesskag shippers argue that they ship it because they don't like the love triangle and how Kagome was hurt by Inuyasha's relationship with Kikyo and like, I get it. But most of these arguments come from anime watchers who tend to believe Inuyasha should have just ditched Kikyo and let her die and I will never agree with that. Yes Inuyasha could have handled the situation better but calling him a two-timer who treats Kagome like shit is a bad misunderstanding of his character and the situation (especially in the manga) and that's the hill I will die on 🤷‍♀️ Also If you think Kagome should be shipped with someone who doesn't have an ex and is actually compatible with her: Sango is right there? The fact that people who use this argument don't ship Kagome with Sango or Hojo makes me believe that they basically use Kagome as a self-insert to ship themselves with whatever male character they find hot (not saying all sesskag content is like that ofc but a lot of it must be)

I hope this answers your question! And thank you for the compliment 😊 No hate towards Sesskag shippers btw their fandom is pretty big and I've never had beef with anyone in that fandom so I think that says a lot!