#i have deadass not written in a YEAR and im sure it shows

[silverflqmes]

HELP IWOWSHJE YOU THINK IM FUNNY??😻 im kidding.. let me be normal🫡

im sure it’ll be great!! would fr read your og work if you’re producing content this solid😩 BUT YEAH IDK SEFIKURA JUST GOT SOMETHING THAT HAD ME GASPING FOR AIR ITS JUST LIKE?? they’re so complex and despite being enemies they literally understand one another the best?? it’s just so insane to me honestly how similar yet so different that they are- it intrigues me to see how they progress throughout the games ( i’ve only played remake — which i finished almost two weeks ago i wanna say, playing cc now as im answering actually😭, ec and watched ac ), but i have limited time since i gotta start up college in september and wont have a console at my disposal since im leaving it behind probs</3

i myself have not written much for sefikura — just got one thing up on my acc which was an intrusive / analysis drabble while i was playing remake and got to the edge of creation😵‍💫 cuz writing oneshots is not something i often do unless i have an idea and i just need to get it OUT of my brain😭 otherwise i occupy myself with my lengthier fics on wattpad — which are for haikyuu😭 but since i’ve been brain rotting sm abt ff7 i decided to indulge just a little bit to try my hand at writing it<3

DIALOGUE?? honestly, valid cuz whenever i read their interactions in your fics it’s just crazy how on point they both are. dialogue fr is super important to writing which im trying to work on rn as i write my original story cuz i gotta remember speech mannerisms, behavior, stuff like that so characters are differentiated!! hmm, tbh listening to voices does make sense cuz somehow you had me hearing their voices for certain lines so good job on that, cuz you hella succeeded😩 agreed tho character / relationship development, whether or not established is important and i think you handle it rlly well along with the progression throughout your stories, granted i was VERY MUCH on the edge of my seat during the last chance w the whole tifa thing😭 ITS HONESTLY A RELIEF THAT YOU DO HAPPY ENDINGS cuz STAR WARS RUINED ME TBH so getting a happy ending for a change is so refreshing🧎‍♀️HOKANO ATE AT ME IT WAS 4AM AND I COULD NOT SLEEP UNTIL I FINISHED READING😭 when i got to the end i was like ohmygod are they gonna die?? but still a good fic i rlly loved the concept<3 angst just has me some way😔

BAKAHWKWWJ A SCORPIO?? okay okay it does explain a bit LMAO slay scorpio rep<3 yeah im just naturally impatient😵‍💫 and just spontaneous when it comes to writing.. deadass i would open up my books and just go in while thinking of stuff along the way ( basically, no plan minus the outline i make.. )

but i agree with what you mean abt having smtn to look forward to, i used to do that but keeping a schedule became a little difficult these last few years so i just kinda posted stuff whenever i could :’) at times i might also lose inspo and shift over to another fic but atm ive just been focusing on one full on fic since i fleshed it out the most and just a bit of a happy place for me🫶 i understand w your fics tho cuz seph and cloud are pretty different in each story from what i saw! PLS I TRIED TO DO A SHIP WEEK ONCE FOR A PAIRING AND I DID NOT LAST😭 i was like aint no way i cannot keep up like this.. but what you produced was chef’s kiss honestly, loved<3 PLS I DID NOT EXPECT YOU TO RESPOND AGAIN I WAS LIKE OH!!

DEFINITELY HAD A SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE🫣 i went into the theater completely blind to what was gonna happen and was surprised to see so many ppl?? and honestly ate up the whole movie — like ik there are mixed opinions regarding it but it was so good??? and when sephiroth showed up at the end i was completely GONE my eyes were fr glued to the screen it was just insane and the fight was so well put together??? 12/10 movie🗣️ OOOO THAT SOUNDS COOL honestly i wish i’d gotten into ff at a younger age but growing up i was super immersed in tekken and star wars ( mainly ), it’s where a lot of my inspiration comes from😵‍💫 probably why i like sephiroth sm too cuz he reminds me of anakin a lot.. but yeah, i held off on tapping into ff since school was out for blood with me🫡 so i’m grinding and indulging in whatever i can now before uni starts for me😭 BAHAHAHA she has no intentions of allowing me any escape i fear.. BRO FFN AS IN FANFICTION.NET?? i have not heard abt that site in so long oml.. i started there too back in 2017😭😭 i was into fairy tail at the time :’) but i shifted over to wp and now juggle wp and tumblr.. online ive been writing i wanna say for about seven years?? but writing ive been doing since i was about eight yrs old ( currently nineteen😵‍💫 ) geez i feel old now as well looking back at everything i wrote😭😭

HAJQHSJS YEAH E2L😭😭 last year i was reading so many fantasy enemies to lovers books that i picked up the lingo readers often used..😶‍🌫️ BUT IT SO IS THE BEST DYNAMIC! it just goes harder than it should😩 zakkura is cute but i feel you on that i need complexity i need ANGST i need shit to go down, the touch her / him and you die, the who hurt you, stakes, conflict, build up — SLOW BURN AND THE BANTER OML like i need all of that bc when they get together there’s just- this satisfaction where you’re like FUCK YEAH!! ahem but yeah😭 i agree, zakkura is more comforting and just sweet, very much on the healing side — its good when you need hella fluff</3 but they’re also the definition of right person, wrong time / not enough time🥹 ff7 is so cruel</3

IM FR LIVING FOR SEPHIROTH TEASING THE HELL OUT OF CLOUD AND GETTING ON HIS NERVES😭 its just so GOOD. so satisfying to read🫣 ZACK IS SUCH A BESTI FR!! we love him for supporting his buddies<3 i cant wait to see more!! and yes😭 i read everything a little throughout the month since your style was just so refreshing to read<3

the last chance was so good honestly i rlly liked the way you explored what was essentially a hypothetical of sephiroth returning again — i was so worried the whole time that smtn would happen to him but then i was like happy ending happy ending ( me on copium basically ) and it all went well<3 it was so cute to see sephi with the kids🥹

fr?? honestly i can see what you mean, i did notice it was a bit on the darker side which made me curious to see how you would handle the story — but i hope you’re doing okay now!! make sure you’re taking care of yourself!! but yup it helps to write whenever things are tough tbh, best way to get stuff out :’) looking forward to seeing the reunion yupyup<3

BAHAHHA DW I WROTE A LOT TOO SO YOURE GOOD😭

hi hi not necessarily an ask but i wanted to tell you that your works are so good??? like i’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that your stories are not the canon plot of ff7 AND YET IT FEELS SO REALISTIC BECAUSE YOU PORTRAY THE CHARACTERS SO WELL??? i fr almost gaslighted myself for a second there BAHAHAHA ahem, anyway, really love your style of writing, it’s so refreshing to me<3 literally got me giddy and looking forward to fic updates for the first time in awhile?? i’ve been in a reading slump for a good minute and your sefikura fics dragged me out in the most emotional yet spicy way possible IDK HOW YOU DO IT WITH THE WAY TAG TEAMING SMUT AND ANGST SO LANGUIDLY, LITERALLY GOT ME UGLY CRYING ONE MINUTE AND THEN SCREAMING THE NEXT

the power you hold oml but anyway — all in all it’s immaculate, eating it up fr🧎‍♀️ can’t wait to read more!!

and ummmm.. my bad for the word vomit i fr had to simp on main and show my appreciation🫡 have a good rest of your day / night!!<33

Wow, thank you so much! 😱 It’s not everyday I get praised like that, and I’m so honored you like my work that much! 🥰 I love to write, and I have original work on the backburner indefinitely because sefikura has stolen my soul for all eternity, haha. And I know exactly what you mean, I was so disappointed that fics I liked a lot only updated once a year or were left unfinished and I just...got so fed up with it that I decided I’d rather just spend my time writing my own than keep trying to read them. That’s why I’ll never leave a story unfinished(though sequels may take a while to appear). My comments section on AO3 is open to both users and guests, so you are always free to scream about it there or here, I don’t mind in the slightest! It makes me excited to post when you’re excited for the update, too! 

Out of curiosity, which story got you hooked on my work? 👀 In Death is my current fic that has 5 chapters left, and I’ll post one every single Friday until it’s complete, with chapter 15 coming out in just a couple days~! Ahh, the reunion is almost at hand! I also made a special image for the final chapter, and I can’t wait to share it. :) Thank you for leaving me such a lovely comment, I’m truly honored to receive it! 💖💖

[daigodojima-chan]

I've been a fool

(Daigo/Reader fic I wrote because there's not enough content for this absolute dumbass)

Summary: Reader rightfully ghosts Daigo and he comes to a realization.

Or, alternatively, Daigo says "I love you" twice.

Please answer my calls.

It’s shorter than the other emails he’s been sending you the past few days, and you wonder if his patience is finally running thin. Then again, it’s not like his frustrations matter since he’s made it very clear he doesn’t care about yours.

You don’t care that he’s affiliated with the yakuza. You don’t care that he’s definitely involved in some shady business dealings, although he insists on keeping you out of the loop. As long as you get to see him at least once a week and talk on the phone every night, you don’t mind that Daigo is constantly out and about, away at work.

You do mind, however, him entertaining several women at one of the more upscale cabaret clubs in Kamurocho. The image of your Daigo, hands thrown across the back of the couch while two beautiful, sparkly-eyed hostesses cuddled up to him and gazed admiringly at his relaxed face, dusted red from the many drinks clearly had, was permanently burned into the back of your mind. You couldn’t even bring yourself to blame the girls for being taken with the man because hell, you felt the same.

Or at least, you used to.

Now, all you feel is betrayal when you think of his face. Your gut twists sharply, and the hole that’s been growing in the pit of your stomach only continues to eat you up from the inside.

Your phone pings again. Another email.

Please, love?

Daigo, despite his mysterious nature, has always been surprisingly excellent at communication when it comes to more personal matters. You remember him saying something about things unsaid ruining relationships, so he makes sure to express his affections for you as often as possible. He never fails to makes you blush, and despite being with him for several months now, you still find yourself caught off-guard whenever he calls you loving pet names.

Tears prick the corner of your eyes as you angrily snap your phone shut. You scrub your face with your sleeve and toss the phone over to your nightstand. Each day, you convince yourself you’re over him. Sometimes, you believe it.

Tonight, you can’t even entertain the idea.

Your phone begins to buzz. Sighing, you head to the bathroom to get ready for bed.

---

When he shows up at your doorstep two nights later, you’re flabbergasted to say the least.

You’ve never given him your address. He’s always insisted on you sleeping over at his fancy apartment, so you haven’t had the opportunity to bring him back to your place before. He’s dropped you off in the general vicinity, but you don’t recall actually telling him which apartment is yours.

Then again, this is Daigo Dojima you’re talking about. Of course he knows how to get the information he needs without hassle.

He says your name suddenly, snapping you back to reality.

It’s only then you realize he’s holding a large bouquet of red roses in one hand and clutching a small bear from one of the UFO Catchers in the other. He’s wearing a puffy white jacket over his dark-gray dress shirt, which you recall telling him is your favorite.

His face is unreadable as he holds out the presents for you to take.

Wordlessly, you accept them. You’re not rude and, more importantly, the bear is too cute to resist.

“Can I come in?” he finally speaks, his voice calm and steady as if everything’s just peachy between the two of you.

No, you want to say, but the dumber part of you—the one that misses him terribly and is admittedly overjoyed to see him so suddenly—overrides your common sense. You push the door open wider and Daigo eagerly lets himself in. Already halfway to the kitchen, you hear him lock the door. While you find something to place the flowers in, Daigo toes off his shoes and places them near yours by the entrance.

You end up depositing the flowers into an empty plastic container that normally holds cereal, and just as you convince yourself to turn around and face him, Daigo grabs you and tugs. Gasping, you find yourself maneuvered onto the tatami-covered floor and the next thing you know, a very handsome face is hovering over yours.

“What, are you going to kill me?” is out of your mouth before you can stop yourself. The corners of his mouth twitch upward but he doesn’t let himself smile.

“If you keep ignoring me, I might.”

“Maybe I wouldn’t have to ignore you if you kept your hands to yourself,” you spit back, and Daigo at least has the decency to look ashamed. He glances off to the side for a few seconds, clearly struggling to find the words to say. You don’t know this, but he spent the past week rehearsing what he wanted to tell you, what he wanted to apologize for. Unfortunately, he forgot everything he practiced the second you opened the door and he caught sight of your perfect face.

He eventually manages to mutter, “Sorry.”

Well. There goes that speech.

You look like you’re about to give him hell for that half-assed response, so he quickly backpedals. “I know, I know. I’m a fucking dumbass and I don’t deserve you.”

Tell me about it, you think, mentally rolling your eyes. You don’t say anything though, and he takes this as a sign to continue.

“I wasn’t thinking. There was a time not too long ago when I just… did that. Every night. It didn’t feel good but I didn’t know what else to do. The other night was…” he trails off, his eyebrows furrowing as he recalls the events of that fateful evening. He remembers how you walked up to him with that heartbroken expression on your face that almost made him drop the bottle he was in the middle of pouring. He remembers suddenly feeling trapped, hyperaware of the women on either side of him rubbing his shoulders and back. He remembers you quickly grabbing one of the full champagne glasses and dumping the contents over his head. Even now, he can still hear Majima’s howls of laughter, can recall the sensation of cold, fizzy alcohol soaking his hair and drenching his expensive suit. He vividly remembers barking at his men to leave you alone while you made your hasty escape.

Then Daigo thinks about how the pain that followed your sudden absence caught him off-guard. How he’d been startled by the emptiness he felt when you wouldn’t answer his calls or respond to his emails. He hated the disappointment that flooded his system whenever he checked his phone between clan meetings and found nothing from you. He didn’t realize how much he needed those cheerful messages until you stopped sending them.

It hit him last night, and that was why he wanted to see you now even though you clearly wanted nothing to do with him.

“I love you.”

The words hang in the air between you for a few minutes. Daigo’s eyes never leave yours, which have grown wide in shock at the abrupt declaration. A blush begins to form on his face as the seconds tick by without your response.

Finally, you reach up to lightly smack the side of his head.

“Shut up. That’s not funny,” you scoff, furious that he would stoop so low to get you to forgive him. You never pegged Daigo as someone to manipulate you like this, but you never thought he’d be the type of guy to openly flirt with strangers while your back was turned either. Maybe you don’t actually know him as well as you do, and the thought makes your heart clench.

Daigo growls and, without warning, drops his head and crushes his lips against yours.

You gasp in shock and he takes that opportunity to capture your bottom lip between his teeth and lightly pull. Kissing him back just as fiercely, you let your hands come up to clutch at his back, but the material of his puffy jacket makes it difficult to do so. Instead, one of your hands slide up to grasp the back of his head and you lightly tug on his hair. Daigo groans lowly, pulling away to catch his breath.

“D-Daigo,” you mutter, eyes closed as the man begins to trail open-mouth kisses along your neck.

“I’m here,” he whispers against your warm skin. You swallow and you wonder if he feels it.

His earlier words haven’t left your mind since he said them. You let out a shuddering breath. “Did—do you mean it?”

Daigo doesn’t verbally respond. Instead, he lifts his head and stares you down with those warm eyes of his that drew you to him in the first place. You can’t bring yourself to look at him and focus on a spot on the ceiling instead.

He calls your name and you warily shift your gaze to his now-smiling face.

“What?” you mumble, your cheeks flushed as you took in the infatuated expression on his very handsome features.

But you already know.

“I love you.”

[fweasleyswhore]

Let Me Take Care Of You - G.W.

a/n: this popped up in my brain and I wanted to get it out, this is with George because I felt like he fit the idea a bit more also i deadass haven’t written smut before like not as a joke haha funny so im so sorry if this is ass

Pairing: George Weasley x fem!Reader

summary: Reader confesses her feelings for George after the disaster of Bill and Fleur's wedding and spend a night together for the first time, which they can only wished would have happened earlier.

word count: 3.5k

warnings: Slight dom!George, slight sub!reader, mostly passionate smut, 18+ themes

The night was winding down. It was a beautiful ceremony, candles were floating around in the tent giving off a soft glow. A few straggling couples slow dancing. I was sat admiring the tent and the company when I felt a presence behind me. I looked up and my heart skipped a beat. George stood behind me, his hands placed in his pockets and the goofy grin he adorned everywhere was plastered on his face despite the bandage wrapped around his ear. 

I turned in my chair so I could see him better. “Hey, George.” I beamed up to him. 

“Hello, darling, would you want to dance?” He pulled his hand out of his pocket and held it out to me. My breath hitched in my throat as I nodded and he pulled me out to the dance floor. I had liked George since I met him, he always seemed to bring light in my life that I lacked, but I had never acted on my feelings. I didn’t want to lose him. 

“You look beautiful tonight.” He whispered in my ear as we slowly spun around the room. His hand was placed on the small of my back, the other interlaced with mine. My free hand rested on his shoulder, our fronts were pressed flush together. I felt my face heat up at his words and our proximity. 

I put my head on his chest and locked my arm behind his neck. “George?” I said softly. I decided now was a good time to tell him how I felt. I needed to. I wanted to say this, look back up at him and kiss him. He hummed and I felt the way his chest rumbled as he did so. “George I think I lo-” 

My words were cut off by a loud crashing noise. I whipped around to see the cause of the crash. In the middle of the dance floor was a blue light. 

“The Ministry has fallen. They are coming.” As soon as it had spoken it was gone. The tent went quiet for a moment until flashes of black smoke started appearing. I watched as Ron, Hermione, and Harry apparated away. I grabbed my wand I had placed in my dress pocket and held tightly onto George’s hand. 

Bill grabbed Fleur and started dragging her away. I watched a death eater begin on them. 

“Stupify,” I yelled and he shot back into a table and collapsed. 

“Y/N, we need to leave, there are too many.” At George’s words, I looked around, wizards and witches were fighting or apparating away. I looked up to him and nodded seeing as there wasn’t much we could do other than get hurt. He grabbed my hand tighter and started bounding towards the Burrow. We started a protection spell on the house once we got there, it finished with enough time for everyone to get in. 

Bellatrix Lestrange stood outside, I saw her from the kitchen window pacing outside. “Where did Potter go?!” She screamed. I wasn’t sure if it was aimed at us or her henchmen. Soon enough all the death eaters disappeared in a cloud of black smoke. 

Molly was sobbing at the kitchen table, Arthur was consoling her. Fred was having Ginny clean a cut on his leg. Bill and Fleur weren’t around, I assume they apparated somewhere. Lupin and Tonks were arguing about if it was worth it to apparate home. 

I couldn’t find George. My eyes scanned the area once more but I couldn’t find him. I felt my eyes tear up as I turned back to look out the kitchen window. I tried to remember if he had left the house after we cast our spell. Deep in my thoughts, I didn’t hear him walk up behind me. 

“Y/N?” His voice was soft and gentle. I whipped around and immediately jumped on him. He returned the gesture, his arms wrapped around me and pulled me up so my feet were off the floor. I wrapped my legs around him to pull him closer afraid that if I didn’t he would disappear. 

“Where were you?” I whispered harshly into his neck. 

“Making sure my ear wasn’t bleeding. Y/N are you alright?” His grip on me tightened. I felt him move away so I pulled my head up to look him in his eyes. His eyes were scanning my face looking for a sign of injury. 

Then I felt like it was the right moment. I unwrapped my arms from around him and cupped his face. His eyes stopped scanning my face as they looked directly into mine. I let my eyes flicker to his lips and then back to his, he repeated my action almost like he was communicating the same words. 

I closed the gap and pushed my lips onto his. He kisses me back with no hesitance. His grip on me tightened, one of his arms traveled down to hold my thigh and support me. Our lips moved a few times, finding a rhythm with each other. Once we did it was a new experience. George sucked and bit on my lips as we kissed causing me to let out a soft moan. I ran my hands through his hair and tugged lightly earning a soft groan from him. 

We pulled away to breathe and he set me on the kitchen counter. Suddenly remembering his family was there I looked around making sure no one was watching our moment before I put my eyes back onto him. 

“Do you know how long I wanted to do that?” He asked with a slight chuckle. His hand found my thigh and he pushed up the skirt of my dress to draw small patters above my knee. 

“Why did it take you so long?” I panted out. He was making it harder to catch my breath. 

“Tonight I watched my family fight to stay alive, and I realized that there is so much happening right now,” He gulped as he showed his vulnerability. “Y/N, I want you. I’ve wanted you for as long as I can remember and I don’t want to fight this without having you beside me.” His eyes moved from the floor to my eyes and I saw him, the real him. He wanted to be loved, he wanted to share his love, and with the war building up he was afraid he was never going to be able to do that. 

“George I can’t imagine fighting this without you. I can’t imagine my future without you.” I grabbed his hand that was on my thigh as I said this. With each word I said I watched as his scared expression molded into a smile. 

“Really?” He whispered. 

“Definitely.” I replied. His lips were back onto mine and we shared a short but passionate kiss. 

The rest of the night we helped clean up. I helped Arthur get Molly to bed where he stayed with her then I helped Ginny clean up Fred’s leg and set him up a temporary bed on the couch, not wanting to climb the steps to his room. Once everyone was taken care of I found myself in George’s room. I wasn’t staying in here but I wanted nothing more for him to hold me while I fell asleep. 

The door creaked open to a very disheveled George. His purple and white speckled shirt had been rolled up his arms, the vest piece completely gone, his tie hung loosely around his neck. 

“Hey.” He spoke gently once he noticed me. I was sitting on the edge of his bed. 

“Hey,” I replied taking him in. “I’m sorry, I know you're tired I just don’t want to be alone tonight.” I began to wring my hands in my lap, waiting for him to tell me to leave. 

“I was hoping I would see you again tonight.” He made a few strides and sat next to me on the bed. I leaning into him immediately, resting my head on his shoulder. He snaked an arm around my waist and we sat like that for a few minutes. I turned my head so I could look at him. 

“George, I don’t know what this war is going to take from us.”

“Hopefully not my other ear.” He butted in. I couldn’t help but laugh, he pulled me closer as I did. 

“I was trying to say that from here on out I want to be with you, I-I want to be there when you go to sleep and be there when you wake up. I want us to have little moments with each other when we can, I have spent the past few years wanting something with you and I won’t continue without letting you know. I don’t know what that kiss meant to you downstairs but that was everything to me.” I spoke slowly and I stared at my hands. I was too afraid to look at him in such a vulnerable moment. 

“That’s all I want. That kiss downstairs was my future Y/N.” I picked my head up to look at him grinning wildly. 

“I’m your future?” I asked sheepishly. 

“You’ve been my future for the past couple of years, the plan at least. Y/N I’m in love with you.” I threw my arms around his neck and tossed myself into his lap. I peppered kisses on his cheeks while smiling. Pulling back I looked at him, he was smiling back at me, his eyes were looking into the darkest parts of me but he was smiling. I knew I would always be safe with him around. 

His hands began to rub into my sides gently. He leaned up, closing the gap between us. Our kiss was slow, methodical, and passionate. It quickly escalated into more hungry and fast as we continued. Without thinking I rolled my hips into his earning a groan from him. We broke apart. His face was flush, lips parted and slightly swollen as I bet mine was too.

We stared at each other for a moment trying to gauge each other and plan what to do next. Keeping eye contact I rolled my hips again. His jaw clenched and his hands tightened on my hips. 

“Do you want this?” He asked. His voice was deep and husky. His eyes were dark and it sent shockwaves through my body, straight to my core. 

“I need you, George,” I whispered back. That was all it took for him to tighten his grip on my hips and kiss me again. The kiss was hot and fiery. I began to grind into his lap again causing us both to groan. I could feel him harden beneath me as I rolled my hips into him. I continued to roll my hips, throwing my head back as he nipped and sucked at my neck. 

“George...” I moaned out his name, I could feel him smirk against my neck. 

Before I could prepare he flipped us over, I was laying on my back and he hovered over me. 

“You’re so beautiful Y/N.” My face began to flush as he looked at me with pure adoration in his eyes. He began to pepper kisses onto my face and the butterflies in my stomach dispersed as I began to laugh. 

“Are you sure?” He asked pulling back to look at me in my eyes. 

“Yes George, please,” I whined, I could feel the familiar feeling in my core that felt both like butterflies and sinking. I desperately needed his attention on my body. 

“Tell me if you need me to stop.” I nodded and he attached his lips back to mine. His hands traveled down my body, he pushed up my skirt up my thighs and it pooled around my hips. I broke the kiss and pulled it up above my head. Looking back up to George he took me in, trailing his fingers around the lace of my bra my breath hitched much like his own. My heart rate sped up as his fingers trailed down from my breasts and to the waistband of my matching lace panties. 

He pulled on the waistband of them, letting it bounce back onto my hips. Leaning back he pulled his shirt and tie over his head. I took him in, his toned chest and stomach eyeing the ginger trail of hair that could be seen down both. 

He undid his belt, pushing down down his trousers while maintaining eye contact. I watched him until my eyes flickered down to the tent in his underwear. I could hear him chuckle as I eyed his length, my eyes widening as he grew under my gaze. 

He moved again to sit in front of me on the bed. His hands moved up my legs and rested on my things, lightly kneading them, his lips soon followed. He repeated his assault on my neck on my thighs, nipping and sucking until he reached my covered core. 

His eyes flickered up to mine as he halted his actions. I nodded permitting him to continue. His hands came up and they traced my lips causing my breathing getting heavier. He pushed my panties to the side and reached out to delicately lick my clit. I dropped my head back and let out a loud moan. 

“My family is in the house you know.” He laughed against my core, his breath fawned over me sending shivers through my body. 

“Sorry.” I whipped my head up to see him smiling at me. 

“It’s ok, I want to hear you.” He said and summoned his wand. He placed a quick silencing spell on the room. “Don’t hold back darling.” My face heated up at the nickname and I quickly nodded. 

He turned his head back to my core and started to aggressively lick and suck at my clit. I couldn’t hold back the moans that spilled from my mouth as he continued his attack. His fingers came up, tracing the entrance to my core adding to the pleasure I was feeling. I reached behind myself and unclipped my bra to massage at my tits. 

He inserted a finger into me making me exclaim as he pumped it slowly while curling it. He pulled his face back to watch me as twisted and pulled on my nipples, adding to the overwhelming feeling crashing around me. 

“So pretty.” He fawned. I didn’t have time to have to be flushed at his comment as he inserted another finger into me making me scream out his name. He gently licked at my clit now and again as his fingers mercilessly pumped into me. Curling his fingers to hit that one spot over and over again his attention picked up on my clit. 

“George, I, f-fuck! I’m gonna...” I breathed out. The ability to make words passed me as my legs began to shake, the familiar feeling of a knot filled my stomach and my eyes clenched shut. 

He hummed onto my clit, acknowledging my plead and that was enough to send me over the edge. I came hard and saw stars as he continued his attack, milking my orgasm for all it could give him. He pulled his mouth away, soon after pulling out his fingers, massaging my shaking legs as I caught my breath. 

“Do you want to keep going?” He asked. I looked up at him, propping myself up on my elbows as I looked down at him. The tent in his underwear looked bigger as ever and his chin was glistening with my arousal. 

“Please.” I nodded. I grabbed him and pulled him on top of me. One of his hands propped him up while the other cupped my face as we kissed. Our tongues fought each other for dominance, I moved my hand down and palmed him through his boxers. He let out a groan which I used to my advantage to explore his mouth. 

He moved his hand from my face to grab my wrist. I halted all my actions and watched as he pulled his cock free of his underwear. My eyes widened at the sight of him, I felt myself grow wetter and rubbed my thighs together at the sight. He pumped himself a few times as his eyes raked over me, chuckling lightly to himself.

“Needy, are we?”  He taunted. He started to move his hand slower around himself, his eyes were dark as they looked into mine. I wiggled under his stare again letting out a whine. 

“George, I need you.” I managed to breathe out I heard him groan at my words. 

“As you wish.” He crawled on top of me, I linked my legs around his waist. My breathing intensified as he trailed his lips up my torso until he was trailing his lips along my jaw. He nipped and sucked behind my ear causing me to let out a breathy moan. I could feel him pressing against my entrance so I shifted my hips needily trying to take him in. He lifted his head and looked at my face as though he was committing it to memory. 

“Please…” I whined. He smiled down at me and reattached our lips. One of his hands found mine and he pulled it above my head, interlocking our fingers and leaning against it. His other hand trailed down my body until he found my hip, holding it steady. Our lips were still pressing against each other when he pushed into me. I moaned into his mouth causing him to pull away and smile at me. He continued to push into me, filling me up to the hilt. Being quite large, I involuntarily clenched around him trying to adjust to his size. He groaned and placed his head in the crook of my neck. He peppered kisses to my neck and didn’t move, letting me adjust. I felt quite full, in a good way, the stinging sensation I felt at first passed quickly. I ran my free fingers through his hair, beckoning him back to me. I kissed hard signaling for him to start moving. 

Slowly he pulled out halfway then pushed back in with more force. I moaned out his name as he repeated these actions, each time thrusting into me with more force than before. Hoisting my leg around his shoulder he continued his pace, this time hitting that spot deep inside of me that made my toes curl and my lungs lose the air they once retained. I was a moaning mess, saying George’s name like a mantra. Each feeling was both too much to handle and not enough. The familiar feeling of a knot was building up in my lower stomach. My legs began to shake and my breathing sped up as I felt myself tighten around him making each thrust leaving me feeling more full. 

“George, p-please, I need…” His hips snapped into me cutting off my sentence and turning it into a moan. He trailed his hand up and cupped my face. He picked up his pace causing my whole body shake begging for release. 

“What do you need baby?” His voice was husk and sent shockwaves through my body. As he continued his brutal pace and didn’t grant me my release I felt tears prick my eyes as it all became too much to handle. 

“F-Fuck, please George. Please.” A few tears fell as I tried my absolute hardest to hold back from falling apart. 

He leaned his head down and nipped at my ear. “Go on darling, cum for me.” He whispered into my ear. At his words I let myself fall apart, shaking and clenching around him. He continued to thrust, slowing down and stuttering until he filled me up, thrusting a few times as the aftershock of my orgasm made me spasm and let out a few small moans. 

He slowly pulled out of me and laid on top of my chest. Picking up our intertwined hands he placed a kiss on the back of mine. Brushing my fingers through his hair I tried to catch my breath. 

He rolled over and pulled me with him, now resting on his chest I could hear his heartbeat go back to a normal rhythm. 

“Y/N?” I hummed as a response, waves of fatigue fell over me and I traced small patterns onto his pale chest. “I don’t ever want to be apart from you, not anymore.”

I smiled at his words, shifting slightly so I could look up at him I beamed. “That took too long to happen,” He nodded eagerly and I laughed at him lightly. “I just mean I’m ready to fight for us.” 

He grabbed my hand resting on his chest and interlocked our fingers yet again. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

We fell asleep, tangled together breathing in each other and I never felt more complete than I did at that moment. 

[liberolove]

Soft Tsukki

A/N: I feel like tsukki wouldn’t be the way that most people portray him as. in my opinion, he’d be a soft boi, just waiting for the right person to come by and show him how to open up. (btw this takes place the 1st year of college)

Before Dating

tsukki would definitely be a smart cookie, scoring some of the highest grades in his classes

and that’s just one of the many things that attracts you to him

you also find it interesting how he always seems to be in his own little world, constantly having headphones on

youve noticed that he likes sitting in the back of the lecture hall, never asking questions

its like he already knows everything

you’d be curious about where he goes after class is over, so one day you lowkey follow him just to see what his routine looks like

but this sneaky motherfucker is not dumb, and you’re not the best at following from a distance

this man would legit turn around and walk up to you, straight up asking you, “what do you think you’re doing?”

his calm demeanor would catch you so off guard that all you can say is “ummm... uhhh.. you see... what had happened was..”

tsukki would scoff and walk away, thinking, “what the hell is wrong with her?”

after that, you’d be deadass scared of this man. but it would also make you so much more attracted to him

you decide to never try that again

~~~~~~~

later on in the semester, you find yourself studying in the library, but you realize youre having trouble with the material

and guess who sits across from you at the next table?

you look up and you see that he’s already staring at you, making you blush like crazy

next thing you know he moves his stuff and sits at your table, and asks, “are you having trouble with our class?”

your mind is racing a million miles an hour that you can only squeak out a barely audible “yeah..”

you’ve now unlocked study partner tsukki

this man has all the patience in the world and answers all of your questions in a way that helps you understand everything easily

you realize its 10pm already and almost everyone has left the library already, except you two

“hey, it’s late. thank you so much for all the help! i hope i didn’t use up too much of your time..”

“no problem. and nah you didn’t. teaching people is the way i study, so you’re helping me too. and uh, if you need any more help, just let me know. here’s my phone number..”

tell me why this smooth fucker would already have his phone number written down on a piece of paper

he’d pull it out like a goddamn business card

you’d hold out your hand to grab it from him and you feel his calloused hands and it makes you  s h i v e r

you just touched him omg

after this first study session, you two study together for the rest of the semester

both yours and tsukki’s grades improve immensely

he starts getting 100%’s and you get 85%’s

yall are doing great

~~~~~~~

finals week comes in so fast and suddenly the feeling of dread makes its way into your mind

you didn’t think about this before but this may be one of the last times you get to be with him.. you won’t have an excuse to be near him anymore

it’s 3 days before your class’s final exam and you try to bring it up. in a shitty fashion, but you do it nonetheless

“hey, tsukishima.. uh so you know how class will be ending soon? i just wanna know.. what’s gonna happen?”

“what do you mean? we’re gonna take the exam and pass. and then we’ll be on to the next semester.”

“ugh, i know that. i meant.. what’s gonna happen with us?”

this man turns around so fast so that you don’t notice the way his cheeks have turned bright red

“we won’t have to study anymore for this? i don’t understand your question.” he says, but he knows exactly what you’re trying to say. he’s only playing dumb to get you to say it out loud. poor tsukki would never say it himself.

“i’m trying to say, uh, will i still see you? tsukishima,.. i really like spending time with you..”

my mans would literally mumble “me too” under his breath because he can’t believe it either

thank god you have sharp ears or else you wouldnt have heard it

“do you really?! can we hang out sometime? something not school related?”

tsukki wouldn’t even be able to speak because he’s so flabbergasted that you basically asked him out

“why aren’t you answering? you’re making me nervous..”

he’d still be tongue tied so all he would do is nod yes, and smile shyly

~~~~~~~

once finals are over, you two start texting each other in an effort to get to know each other on a deeper level

you figure out that this man is your musical soulmate

you both listen to all the same bands and love the same songs

its crazy how compatible you two are

you’re so antsy over seeing him in a different light that you text him first

“so.. when do you wanna go out? and what do you want to do?”

“whatever you want.”

“wanna go grab some frozen yogurt and go feed the ducks some seeds?”

“sure.”

“how’s tomorrow around noon sound?”

“it’s a date.” 

tsukki at this point is internally SCREAMING because he can’t believe he just said that

you, on the other hand, you just stopped responding

you cant believe that its finally happening and that you didnt have to ask if it was a date

however, you weren’t 100% sure because he could have been kidding? oh well, you’ll find out on the day of the “date”

First Date

he’d come over to your place so you could walk together to the frozen yogurt shop

you’d get some vanilla, with mango yogurt and add in some oreos and gummy worms.

tsukki would see you get your order and make some snide remark like, “wow i didn’t know you were so basic”

you’d just roll your eyes and look at him get what he wants, and this man would literally just get vanilla and add chocolate syrup

“well, at least i’m not as basic as you”

he wouldn’t even have a comeback for that

you’re BOTH basic bitches, but that’s just another reason why you two work so well together

you’re about to buy your yogurt when he slips between you and the cashier and PAYS for yours too

he doesn’t even ask you, he’s already paid for you

you thank him and he says “it wasn’t even that much, since you’re so plain”

salty tsukki has come out to play today lol

you two make your way to the park and you take out the bird seed from your bag so you can feed the ducks

you sit down in front of the lake (or pond or whatever) and start feeding the cuties

all tsukki can do is stare at you and how beautiful you look doing something so mundane

you feel his eyes glaring into your soul and all you can do is try your hardest not to look at him

“hey, i never asked, but what’s your major?” he asks

“im a biology major, and you?”

“well that makes sense since you like being around ducks like this.” he chuckles to himself. “i’m a music major.”

“huh, i never would have figured that out.. what with your headphones always plugged in”

“yeah, i hope to become a producer one day.”

“i hope you make it” you smile at him and this makes tsukki’s heart EXPLODE

you stop feeding the ducks and lay down, staring at the clouds

there are always breaks in your conversation, but it isn’t awkward or anything. it’s comfortable, and tsukki appreciates it, although he’ll never admit it. he hates admitting anything

he lays down next to you, and your hand slowly starts to inch towards his, and he’s doing the same.

the moment both your fingertips meet, you feel an electric shock

he apologizes but then continues to interlock your fingers 

“is this okay?” he asks

“mhhm. it feels... nice.”

“good”

tsukki smiles to himself and starts daydreaming about how he’s going to ask to kiss you next

[lukeyhughes]

so the other day i reblogged a post and vagued about my issues with gk’s framing of iraqi tragedies in the tags, which was then replied to and that reply was circulated. while the reply was awesome/insightful/interesting i feel like my original point sorta got lost in the shuffle. i wasnt going to make a post about this for a bit but i feel like its been consuming my thoughts all day so i’ll elaborate what i meant under the cut! 

gen kill is david simon show, so like all david simon shows the thesis is “people exist in inside of a broken system.” in this case, the broken system is the marine corps chain of command and the people are the marines who have to carry out senseless orders. this is shown in many ways, including pointless dangerous missions (see: the bridge, danger close, etc.), how capable enlisted men are vs. most officers, how the “only good officer” nate is punished for rational choices, and how the marines have their spirits crushed because they are forced to senselessly kill iraqi civilians.

when i was in first year of undergrad i took an african studies class that in one seminar problematicized coverage of the Rwandan Genocide: how many times have you heard/read a Romeo Dallaire interview/account? how many times have you read/heard an interview from a genocide survivor? how many times have you seen pictures of bodies/skulls of genocide victims? the answer for the average person is a lot, hardly ever, a lot. with the iraq invasion, the questions would be: how many times have you heard the accounts of coalition soldiers about the iraq war across media types? how many times have you heard accounts of it from the iraqi civilian perspective? how many times have you seen statistics regarding the amount of iraqi civilian casualties? a lot, hardly ever, a lot.

that is all to say that in western media/society we are very comfortable listening to white narratives and just seeing brown bodies, which translates into only hearing white narratives of the tragedies of the deaths of others in foreign countries. in generation kill, iraqi civilian casualties/fatalities/tragedies are framed so that we feel sympathy for the marines that caused them as opposed to those suffering. that is not to say that we as the audience do not feel sympathy (i certainly do!) but it is because of our own internal empathy, not the narrative framing of the show.

let’s take a look at three of the biggest cases of iraqi civilian tragedy and how they’re framed in the show:

first, when rudy goes up to the roadblock and sees the dead little girl in episode 4. we get quite a few shots of the father’s shell-shocked face, but just as many are shots of rudy’s horror/sadness; we watch him walk away from behind from rudy’s perspective and we see that rudy is unable to look away from them. rudy didn’t actually have anything to do with it (aside from abetting i suppose), but even when he gets back to camp the show makes sure to illustrate how affected by it he is, ignoring brad and ray who call out to him. this one is actually surprisingly gk’s best example of eliciting sympathy for iraqi casualties; however, the focus of the scene is still on rudy and the father’s reaction is still mostly used to contribute to rudy’s guilt/horror.

the next scene is the little shepherd boys who were shot by trombley while out with their camels. we see the mom crying over her son, but its basically background noise and is if anything used to further the marines’ (particularly brad and doc bryan to a lesser extent) guilt at causing the situation. we know this because her actions don’t exist independently: they are used for the marines to react to. we also get considerably more shots of marines looking on in horror than her crying about her son. brad’s guilt/sadness about the subject is dwelled on for about twenty minutes over the next two episodes, longer than any of the actual victims’ screen-time dedicated to their feelings combined.

the worst scene is the man in the white car, which sets off the main drama for the next episode. we get why walt did it- the show goes out of its way to make sure that we do- but at the end of the day a man is still dead, likely for no reason. in the aftermath we get about a hundred heartbreaking shots of walt’s shocked face, with a few of brad thrown in as well. on the other hand, we get no shots of the people in the car being horrified at seeing someone they know lobotomized. we just see them run away, no sadness no horror no nothing: from the show’s narrative perspective, this man’s death has no impact on anybody except for walt and the other marines. to make matters worse the man’s face is only shown when the marines notice how horrifyingly disfigured his body is; to me this is robbing the real man of his dignity even in death. 

let’s take a step back and look at gen kill’s general portrayal of iraqis. we don’t really get to see the marines interact with civilians until they reach baghdad when they go into rundown neighbourhoods. here, the iraqi men are portrayed as greedy and dumb, cutting in front of children and not understanding that there are other types of government. that’s not to say that that didn’t happen in real life- i’m sure it did- but it’s essentially the ONLY view of iraq civilians we get: ignorant, greedy, backwards, etc. deadass the only sympathetic iraqi characters in episode 7 are children, where we get a couple of UNICEF-esque shots of doc bryan holding crying kids to drive home that guilt factor. i bring this up because it means that the iraqi characters are not written so that you feel bad for them or empathize with their terrible situation. instead, the narrative wants you to empathize with the marines (in this case, particularly nate) who feel guilty for causing this chaos that they can’t do anything to fix it. 

the only other time iraqi civilians even have lines is when a refugee women tells brad about how he is destroying her home, but even then the point of that isn’t really her pain but how brad feels guilty/ashamed about what the usmc (an institution that is part of identity more than anyone else) is doing that; also she’s attacking brad who really had nothing to do with the baghdad situation and already feels guilty about other things, so its just creating more material for brad’s identity/guilt crisis and our sympathies for it.

all of this to say is that in basically every single case civilian tragedies don’t exist in the narrative on their own: they are used for the marine main characters to react to: the village. the truck crew. the men at the roadside. even the syrian student.

also @sunnygreys replied to some tags i made alluding to this issue. you should read what they wrote bc it’s a really interesting counterweight to what i’m saying and offers a different perspective. but anyway basically they mention certain lines where people are like “no ones forcing us to be here.” particularly notable was when godfather says that no one is forced to be here because they’re all volunteers in episode 3. my view of this has always been that saying that is ignorance on his part and another symptom of the broken command system. godfather chose to be career military,  he chose to accept the mission, he chose to change the ROE, etc: there was no gun to his head. for the enlisted men, the ones on the bottom who actually carried out the mission that injured the boys, they are pretty much being forced to be there by their circumstances. out of all the marines we interact with in the series, im pretty sure brad is the only enlisted man who comes from wealth and by extension had other options, while most others either implicitly or explicitly grew up in impoverished/unstable households: poverty is the new draft. thats sorta between the lines, but i imagine david simon knows that because of his previous work on poverty. what isnt between the lines is that the command system DOES force men in lower ranks to “be there” and carry out order: they can get NJPed for disobeying, they sign contracts that they’ll be dishonourably discharged and lose their benefits if they break, etc. there’s no gun to their head physically but metaphorically its pretty close. to me at least, those lines are not narratively placed to make us sympathize less with the marine main characters but instead to make us sympathize with them even more, because it shows how disconnected command really is. david simon is a huge dick irl but he’s a really clever writer.

again, i reiterate that we as the audience likely feel sympathy for the iraqi population because for most people its naturally sad when people die/get injured/etc. i think a lot of points i made and ones made by @sunnygreys can be mutually true, but the main difference being that i really don’t believe that gk’s intention was to make us step back and reflect on our sympathy with the “oppressors:” i really do think that’s who the show intends for us to sympathize with most based on their choices in camera shots, who says what, etc. that doesn’t mean we can’t step back and reflect, as i hope many of us have, i just think that was an unintended consequence. (if i’m misconstruing what you said please lmk and ill edit!)

that being said, can’t think of a way that generation kill could have done better in this regard based on the book/characters it had. the marines ARE the main characters and by conventional standards its their narrative/feelings/growth that matters. but just because there may have been no other way doesn’t make it unproblematic. its another example of western media using violence against nameless, distant foreigners for their own horror. 

there are people wandering this earth who are dealing with the loss of the man in the white car, the little girl at the roadblock, an entire village. those little boys, if they’re still alive, probably have to deal with the severe injuries they got when they were shot by marines. those slums of baghdad may still be in unstable today and have likely lost community members due to sanitation/hunger/violence. imagine knowing that there is a show out there where you or your loved ones are being used as a plot device to make viewers feel sympathy for the ones who put you in those positions. i sympathize deeply with the marines of GK, but i can imagine how hard it would be to be in the iraqi population’s place watching yourself and your experiences interpreted in a way dissociated from your own suffering so that the primary victimhood can be placed on the ones who did it to you. 

in conclusion, i love gen kill a lot. i love the story and the characters, and i think its an effective story in terms of achieving what it seeks to achieve. i think it’s okay to love something and be critical of it. also if western media companies weren’t cowards and weren’t scared of losing american military financial contributions they would make a miniseries about the iraqi people who were terrorized by american invaders, including the ones we love in gk!

[pseudoneiiric]

meta post: lili and her gender

let me go on the record to say that i fucking love lilian eyler with my whole heart, like, i typed all this out and im so fucking emotional about her! in the past, i've written things about hello charlotte and how the lgbt representation is... lacking, let's call it, and i've also made a few headcanon posts here and there about lilian's transition and her relationship with gender. so i thought, you know, let's actually write a whole ass thing about it. so here it is.

content warnings: gender dysphoria, suicide attempts, homophobia/transphobia in the original source material

PART 1: ETHERANE'S BAD TAKES so... etherane did not handle lgbt stuff well, like, in the slightest. lili is canonically genderfluid, as seen in one of those little profile things that etherane drew that doesn't actually show up in any of the games. but her genderfluid identity isn't handled well at all in the actual source material. actually, in general, hello charlotte is pretty transphobic. to cite one example, there’s this journal entry in hello charlotte 3 talking about “defective” charlotte vessels, and one of the things that can make a charlotte vessel “defective” is for them to be born amab or intersex. this already has some really bad vibes, but then we remember also that one of the big functions of charlottes is apparently for them to be sexualized (yikes!!!!!) and so we also get this weird kind of like, “trans people aren’t hot” kind of take?

but anyway. when it comes to lilian specifically, she never actually states in canon that she’s genderfluid or otherwise trans, not even in the spinoff visual novel, which, by the way, would have been the perfect place to address her gender identity, and she consistently uses he/him pronouns. we don’t actually get to see any of her thought processes about her gender at all — like at this point, i can’t even say it’s a non-issue because that would imply that they even mentioned her gender in canon. the only time we can potentially extrapolate from canon that lili might not be cis is when anri mentions that charlotte is lili’s self-insert oc. that’s kind of heavy-handed with the whole “charlotte being the female name for charles”, but that’s another matter. the point is, with the lack of any canon basis that lilian’s even vaguely questioned her gender, the reveal that she’s actually genderfluid with like, two pieces of artwork that are detached from the actual game feels very pxrfxrmxtxvxly xnclxsxvx (performatively inclusive) especially considering how.... etherane talked about lilian’s gender in particular within the actual canon material.

after all, the story behind lilian is effectively that, after she was born, her mother was forced to abort her second child, a daughter that she would name scarlett. doing so plunged her into a really deep depression that eventually took on delusional qualities. so ever since lilian was about three years old, her mother has been referring to her exclusively as scarlett, asking her to ‘ be a good girl ’ and similarly raising her as a girl. we can see here that etherane seems to have implied that genderfluidity is something that happens because other people make it so, and isn’t an identity and lived experience. (bad take!) although, albeit unintentionally, i think etherane did lay some groundwork to talk about lilian’s relationship with her gender, specifically with regards to her projection onto her oc, charlotte. in high school, when she’s more active on the internet, we see that she’s going by charlotte and using she/her pronouns. anri, her irl friend, is pretty openly critical of that, but she sort of brushes off anri’s complaints and continues to present as feminine online. now, there’s this fanfic writer who goes by the pseudonym “c”, and lilian very quickly takes an interest in him. the way she talks to c, who doesn’t know her irl, compared anri, who does, is just like flat-out like they’re completely different people.

compare, her with c:

to her with anri:

i also wanted to mention that lili does occasionally act more “femininely” with anri, but it’s never to the extent that she does with c, and in general, affectionate banter is sort of... outright ridiculed in their friendship both ways. see this one exchange:

anri: >:) always up for some roasting lili: right? <3 <3 anri: now you’re the one being gross

unrelated but it fucking kills me that anri was like “ily <3” and lili went “gross” so she went “kys” and lili deadass goes “that’s better” like that’s what anri is referencing when she says “now you’re the one being gross” and im like... please just be healthy friends who don’t wish death on each other???

it’s also worth noting that c doesn’t know that she’s not “actually” a girl, and literally when they meet, she goes like, “it’s you who should be disappointed in me. charlotte turned out to be charles, whoops! i bet you were hoping that i’d be a cute girl.” and that’s... really depressing, like, she ended up really leaning into that cutesy side of her when she was talking to c and now she feels the need to be a lot more... sarcastic and bitter, like how she is with anri, because now c “knows the truth about her”, that she’s “actually been a guy all along”.

in any case, i think the intent that etherane was going for with this was kind of like... “lilian’s actually a repressed cis gay man!” which is . not great. it gives off this really gross vibes where it’s implied that since lili was raised as a girl and is into men, she got “confused” and started going by she/her online because she couldn’t come to terms with her sexuality or whatever. and that’s just such a bad take!!!

not to mention that a really important part of lili’s backstory is... her germaphobia. she has persistent delusions accompanied by visual hallucinations where she sees people as “parasites”, which visually manifests as them rotting or decomposing. because of that, she wears gloves all the time and is repulsed by physical touch. but when she meets c (whose real name is vincent) in person, she pretty much instantly goes for skin-to-skin contact with him, where she takes off her glove and holds his hand. and like, sure, that’s sweet, but that’s really not how mental illness... works. in the slightest. she doesn’t react at all when his hand touches hers, despite the fact that she has literally had panic attacks in canon from touching things without her gloves. and it gives off this implication that mental illness can be cured with romance somehow, and that’s a really bad take!

this feeds into fandom understanding that like, well, if lilian sees vincent as pure and allows him to touch her, then Obviously she’d let him kiss her, they could probably have sex, etc. and like... she’s canonically asexual though! and that brings us to the other implication, that asexuality is somehow... caused by something. like, there’s nothing in canon to state that lilian experiences sexual attraction (or even really romantic attraction, like i know etherane went off in heaven’s gate and did a lot of ship tease, but she never really outright says she’s crushing on anyone), but judging from the way etherane handled lilian’s gender identity, i have a sneaking suspicion that she established lilian’s asexuality with her mental illnesses specifically in mind. lilian’s autistic, germaphobic, has severe ocd, and she’s been sexually assaulted in the past. therefore, she must be asexual! that’s the sort of vibes i get from the game, and im not here for it. similarly to how her genderfluidity was handled, she makes no actual statement in canon that she doesn’t experience sexual attraction. the closest she’s ever come to this is when she says to anri in heaven’s gate that she is just straight up not interested in kissing (to which anri is like, “well what if it were vincent owo??” which. ugh. anyway). it just seems really strange to me to design a character with severe mental health issues with regards to physical touch and then just sort of treat it as a given that she’s asexual. it’s another example of etherane implying that lgbt identities are results of traumatic experiences or symptoms of mental illness and not an identity or lived experience. you can be sex-repulsed and not be asexual, and while i understand that many people do identify as ace due to trauma and other such things, it still feels like really bad rep when taken with the way lilian’s genderfluidity was portrayed.

PART 2: HOW “CHARLES” IS DIFFERENT FROM “LILIAN”

throughout hello charlotte, lilian identifies herself as a passive observer, someone who doesn’t directly interfere in events. this applies mostly to her existence in false realm, where she’s like... a god, and doesn’t want to interfere in the balance of the world. but i believe she also has always seen herself as an observer. in her very first scene, the one where she and anri are watching someone get bullied, she’s the one who tells anri that there’s no point in getting help. because her role is just to observe. to take pictures for anri, to be a good girl, to say yes to everything and to never express her opinions, feelings, thoughts.

and honestly, i think the main reason for that is that she’s dysphoric. whenever she talks about herself, she’s really self-deprecating, especially compared to when she talks about charlotte. i feel like the main reason why lilian detaches herself from the world and refuses to really perceive herself is because she’s fundamentally disgusted with her gender presentation. and like, we can see in the two times that she’s presented femininely (with c and in that one comic) that lili is just so much happier and more bubbly when she’s presenting as feminine. you can literally see her stop dissociating and becoming more present in the moment because she’s just. so much more comfortable in her skin. compare:

these pictures with this one:

it’s funny i was going to say that there is a picture where she’s presenting as masculine and actually smiles like a person, but guess what! she’s texting c! so she’s actually performing femininity!

but the point is, like... when she’s presenting as masculine, especially in the canon pictures rather than etherane’s art, she just doesn’t look... happy. and then we compare that to how much more present she seems when she’s presenting as feminine, and how much more comfortable she seems in being, like, happy! and cute! but there is a downside to this. and that is...

PART 3: DIFFICULTIES IN LILI’S TRANSITION

in my sort of... “main verse” for lili, i have it so that her suicide attempt failed and that she was somehow... saved from drowning. mother passes away and she starts to... soul search a little bit and find a reason to live, and somewhere along the line she starts to transition socially. that means she starts transitioning at a pretty... extremely vulnerable point in her life. in the year between 18-19 years old, she’d be a wreck. she’s growing her hair out, but she feels insecure about it. she starts to wear skirts, but only at home. she buys makeup and never wears it. it’s a long process for her, because it’s one thing to go by she/her online or to claim she’s just a gender-confused gay boy and a completely different thing to come out as a trans woman and to actually see herself as a woman and not some kind of imposter. considering that she was raised as a girl, she would have a large amount of guilt over transitioning, feeling like she’s going to be seen as confused, or that her gender identity is a direct result of her childhood trauma. but she’s not just worried that others will see her that way: she’s worried that she’s going to see herself that way.

and for a long time, she probably does see herself that way. for a long time, scarlett would probably treat her transition as some kind of attempt to personify her unborn sister and comply with perceived expectations rather than an attempt to feel comfortable in her own skin. she’d get nervous that she’s somehow becoming scarlett, because though she’s always thought it would be easier if she’d just been her sister, she’s never really wanted to be scarlett. she’d be scared to wear mid-length skirts, scared to put her hair up in a bun, probably even scared to wear red for a time, all because she’s scared of somehow losing herself and becoming her alter.

because of her caution and concern with identifying as a trans woman and not as the “safer“ gender identity of genderfluidity (where she can say she’s trans but never actually have to “push boundaries” by wearing feminine clothing or using any pronouns besides he/him), it would likely take her a very long time to take the step to medically transition. she’d likely never get any gender affirmation surgeries just because of how invasive the procedure is, but hormones would probably be something she’d look into once she’s much older and has a more stable income.

i mentioned before that before her transition, she uses dissociation and observation as a way to cope with her gender dysphoria. she saw herself as someone who didn’t really participate in the world, was a class ghost, invisible to everyone and a minuscule part of a vast universe. but upon transitioning, she’d feel much more actively self-conscious. once she starts to present in a feminine way, she’d feel like she’s being seen, like she’s actually participating in the world, and that’s both a blessing and a curse.

she’d be much more prone to stammering, especially when saying her name, and would blush far more often. she’d be afraid of saying the wrong thing or messing up somehow. and on top of that, she’d likely feel predatory for talking to others, always wondering if others find her cute or repulsive, always wondering if someone will perceive her and harm her in some way.

she’d very likely also feel really guilty about her own emotional experience. because she’s so used to being a passive observer, a puppet that only does what others want, she would feel like it’s selfish to be just... content. she’s so actively disgusted with herself before she transitions that she’s never allowed herself to be mentally present for a happy moment in her entire life. she always second-guesses, always dismisses positive things as a mere coincidence, and after she transitions, when she starts being more present in her life, she’d feel so guilty for just allowing herself to be happy.

because of that, she has some trouble with presenting as feminine consistently — she’d vary the “level” of her feminine presentation from day-to-day, where she might go full femme one day and another day stick with a beanie and a pair of slacks. she’s much more comfortable with presenting as more traditionally feminine when she’s at home or with trusted friends in a private space, but around 19 years old, she makes a vested effort to remain in public spaces. she’d time herself, saying, “for one hour, i’ll stay in this café while wearing a skirt, and then i can leave,” and she’d gradually increase the amount of time she spends in public spaces. and eventually, eventually she does end up feeling really comfortable with her gender presentation and falls into a more static sense of style. she really likes clothing design, so she ends up wearing a lot more dynamic outfits when she’s more comfortable with herself, and she probably also mildly gets into cosplay.

i also like to think that she reconnects with anri during her young adult years. either it’s like, right after her suicide attempt (i’ve written before that she’d had anri listed as her emergency contact and forgot to change it when she moved), or it’s at some point after she starts transitioning socially. i think it’d be really sweet for them to be friends in a more real way, and the sheer concept of anri teaching lili how to properly apply makeup and to set her hair is just so fucking sweet i might die. they both deserve to have friends so i think this is just a step up from hello charlotte canon.

[cultofbeatles]

hello reece i am the teach me led zep pls anon yes hi hello hehe idk what i wanna know mabye like ur fave song from each album and basic facts about each member ??? dont be afraid to ramble btw im taking all the info i can get !!!1!1!!! thank u sm ily 🥺

annie i have three words for you... i got you. i already told you this, but i am working on a “beginners guide to led zeppelin.” i planned on it being more giggles mainly, but i'm going back and adding a decent amount of information just for you

fun facts about led zeppelin and the beatles: led zeppelin were the band that beat the beatles record held for most attendance at a concert (55,000 people). on may 5, 1973 (and with no opening act) led zeppelin beat that record by having an attendance of 56,800 people. also! for the beatles movie ‘a hard days night’ jimmy page did the instrumental version of this boy that plays while ringo is wandering around. pretty rad. oh, and george harrison went to a led zeppelin party once and was thrown into a pool by john bonham. 

i gotta say this before i begin though, led zeppelin is one of those bands where hardly anything gets confirmed or denied. at least nothing “controversial” or anything more than basic gets an answer to it. so sometimes you gotta take things with a grain of salt, and you gotta just have the mindset of “well this might not be true so I'm not gonna claim it as so.” with that being said i'll start with getting you into led zeppelin. 

through the span of their short career led zeppelin had eight studio albums. 

led zeppelin (january 1969)

led zeppelin ll (october 1969)

led zeppelin lll (october 1970)

led zeppelin lV (november 1971) this album technically doesn't have a name but we all call it ‘led zeppelin lV since it was the fourth album

houses of the holy (march 1973)

physical graffiti (February 1975)

presence (march 1976)

in through the out door (august 1979) 

they also have a few live albums and compilation albums as well. but when people talk about led zeppelin albums they're mainly referring to these ones. i like all of their albums. i think they're all good. my personal favorites are the second and fourth albums. i do think that led zeppelins music isn't for everyone though. they're not as clean as some other bands are. I will list my favorite songs from each album. 

led zeppelin: good times bad times, dazed and confused, babe i'm gonna leave you, communication breakdown, how many more times, i can't quit you baby 

led zeppelin ll: whole lotta love, the lemon song, thank you, heartbreaker, moby dick, ramble on

led zeppelin ll: immigrant song, since i've been loving you, tangerine, that’s the way 

led zeppelin lV: black dog, rock and roll, stairway to heaven, misty mountain hop, going to california, when the levee breaks, the battle of evermore

houses of the holy: the song remains the same, the rain song, over the hills and far away, the ocean, no quarter, dancing days

physical graffiti: the rover, houses of the holy, kashmir, ten years gone, trampled under foot

presence: for your life, achilles last stand 

in through the out door: fool in the rain, all my love 

i think all of these are good starter songs for someone just now getting into led zeppelin. i hope you like them! they have one movie, the song remains the same, and it’s weird but also good. it’s basically concert footage of their madison square garden show but there’s also cuts of little skits they made? idk how to describe it lol.

in my beginners guide post i'll write more about the members and go into more details and funny facts about them. right now i'll just briefly introduce you to them. to talk about led zeppelin you have to start with the yardbirds. jimmy page (zeppelin’s guitarist) was in the yardbirds until they broke up in 1968 and then jimmy started looking for his “super group.” him and Peter grant (zeppelin’s manager) started looking for the best of the best people. in 1968 led zeppelin was formed. 

jimmy page is known as one of the best guitar players in rock history. he’s usually always in the top three listings. he was a session guitarist for a while and would fill in on people’s records. on Joe cocker’s version of ‘with a little help from my friends’ jimmy is playing the guitar on it. and he joined the yardbirds with eric clapton and jeff beck who are also listed as the best guitarists. he was a soft spoken, quiet dude. he seemed very shy and introverted. but then you read groupie stories about how he had whips, handcuffs, and razors. he was also given a lot of shit for studying crowley’s work, and was known for his “witchcraft ways.” he struggled with addiction (heroin and cocaine) and pulled himself through in the end. but he was, and still is, an amazing guitar player. he also produced all of zeppelin’s albums. so he’s an amazing producer as well. he got a lot of unnecessary hate and criticism back in the day (still does). and you can thank jimmy for all the newish led zeppelin stuff we get bc that’s all on him more than likely. 

john paul jones is known as one of the best bassists in rock history. he was not only zeppelin’s bassist but also keyboardist. and he can play recorder as well. like jimmy, he was also a session musician. jimmy and jones knew of each other  and when jones heard about jimmy putting a group together he called him. he was more of the serious member in a way. jimmy, bonham, and robert were more wild and would cause chaos. john paul jones would deadass book a room at another hotel and not tell anyone where he was. he just wasn't into that kind of thing. so I don't think he was really all that close to the other members. he felt left out a lot. him and john bonham were an amazing rhythm section. the best in history. they knew exactly what to do to stay in sync. he was also the one to find john bonham when he died. so that’s sad. 

robert plant is known as one of the best vocalists in rock history. his voice is *chef kiss.* i love him. he wasn't jimmy’s first pick in a singer. in fact, jimmy’s first pick was the one who recommended robert to jimmy and also said that he looked like “a greek god.” robert plant is just about the most attractive man ever. jimmy liked roberts voice a lot but doubted his songwriting skills so was weary of him at first. robert had never written songs until joining led zeppelin. robert was the reason john bonham joined the group. him and bonham were best friends before the group even formed and remained that way until bonham’s death. robert also went through a lot of shit during led zeppelin’s timeline and honestly i'm so proud of him for getting through all of it. right now robert likes to act like he was never in led zeppelin though lmao. 

john bonham is known as one of the best drummers in rock history. i’m not even kidding. his power behind the drums is mind-blowing. when he was approached by jimmy about the band he denied the offer. and continued to deny the offer bc he had a family to take care of, and didn't know how well this band would be. but it was robert plant who convinced him to join so they could play together. he loved his family very much (a wife and son who name is jason). he hated being away from them. he was known as the sweetest man ever unless he was drunk. the problem was that he was always drunk. he had a drinking problem. he did a lot of stupid shit when drunk. he died in 1980 after he had the equivalent of 40 shots of vodka and threw up in his sleep causing himself to choke. after he died, led zeppelin died as well. 

after john’s death the band called it quits. they all like to say it’s because no other drummer would be able to compare to bonham. robert says that he loved john bonham too much and couldn't force himself to go out there and do a show without him as the drummer. robert plant is likely the reason we’ll never get another zeppelin reunion show. there were three reunion shows in the past. the first reunion was their live aid show which fucking sucks. john paul jones wasn't even informed about the event and ended up on keyboard instead of bass, jimmy was likely on drugs bc of how out of it he was, robert’s voice is awful, and the drummers hardly knew the material. it was a rushed show but it was for charity and i'm sure they made a lot of money. the last show being the celebration day reunion in 2007 where jason bonham (john’s son) played the drums. it’s a really really good show and i cry every time i watch it. you can watch the whole thing on youtube. still to this day it’s evident that jimmy, Jason, and jones would love to do a reunion show again. 

led zeppelin is one of the few groups that can say all of their members were just about the best at what they did. each member will always be in the top ten rankings for lists of the best artists/musicians. that’s really impressive. they were really, really good together. I hope this was a good starter post! 

[kataracy]

My job just does not care that rent is like 400+ huh cool cool im about to go awf under this read more if yall dont mind

FREGIURGTTKJLKKSAKDSFKAFSLJL GOD FUCKING FUCK?WHAT IS THE DEAL FFFFFFF ok story time:

So I work at corner bakery cafe its a weird fusion fast casual place where i make $9/hr, less than what i’ve made from my  last jobs but incredibly close to where i live like deadass across the street. So I have a manager that I steadily don’t get along with, he’s a blowhard. He picks a person to be mad at for the day, he hovers, he treats the girls there like his personal punching bags and I noticed all of that and started to dislike him to the point where I just couldn’t work with him. 

I would go in on days where he would close, because i work the night shift (my job favors the day shift btw. They only care about having people work in the day shift the dont give a fuck about night crew is ridiculous how much the dont clean up after their shifts and we have to pick up behind these grown ass women) and i would noticeably make little o no effort to converse with him, I just went in, did my job and went home. 

He would write me up for not saying hi to him. He would constantly start telling the GM I was being insubordinate when i was literally doing everything good at my job except talking to his sensitive ass. So I complained to the GM. I begged him to not put me on any more shifts with this manager because i was Tired of getting written u for nothing and I was tired of not having fun at my job. I was getting anxiety attacks while working with this dude it was so bad because again, he HOVERS. HE STANDS IN THE FRONT WHEN THERE IS OTHER STUFF TO DO AND JUST FUCKING HOVERS LIKE CAN YOU GO FIND SOMETHING TO DO and my GM said ok its fine we know (BECAUSE THE DONT LIKE HIM EITHER WE LITERALLY WOULD TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH WE DID NOT LIKE THIS DUDE OK NONE OF THE MANAGERS LIKE HIM) we will try not to put you on the same shift, we’ll let Z (the scheduling manager) know and if u do have to be scheduled with him make sure you find a cover and we’ll tell him to leave you alone because we know you know how to do your job.

So. That was a fucking lie.

They keep scheduling him with me. I tell another manager I don’t like him and why and he says I get it I’ll let B (GM) know. 

So I keep getting scheduled with him. And how the hell am I supposed to know when because, the managers have an entirely different schedule thats just their shifts and its fucking private. They end up scheduling me with him again and again and I just don’t show up one day I let the night manager know hey im not coming in on these 2 days, i found someone for this day but not this one so i hope yall find someone.

And then the next day, im getting called by a coworker like hey where are you are you coming in and i say no. no im not. i gave the managers plenty of time ( a whole fucking day) to find someone else bc they know i dont like working with this man. i said im not coming in repeatedly. im not coming in. but the coworker keeps fucking picking at me and saying hey they dont have anyone can you please come and then i get so pissed off i say im on my way and when i get there the fucking manager says you can go home i found someone.

I get so pissed. Why did you keep calling me then?

I didn;t call you they called you.

and the coworker that kept calling me and making me feel guilty for not wanting to work with this man who makes me uncomfortable and pissed and anxious, is my boyfriend. My fucking boyfriend decided this job was more important than my feelings that day and it was beyond hurtful dude im tearing up just talking about it because god it hurt, it was like a dramatic ass betrayal (AND THAT JOB IS SO DRAMATIC BY THE WAY THEY WILL GET SO FUCKING UNCOORDINATED OVER A SMALL RUSH ITS THE STUPIDEST SHIT)

So I go back there and im so angry now. Why have you been blowing up my phone to tell me to come in and being so dramatic. There arent even any customers in here. Why did you keep calling me asking me to come in when they already found somebody.

They just found somebody.

So you could call me and even come back home to fucking say they asked you to come get me> But you cant find the time to pick up the phone again and send a quick nvm?

The next day im scheduled. Another write up from the manager who loves writing me up. because he couldn’t be a fucking manager and just find a replacement no, he had to call and tattle-tell on me to the GM for nothing. I get called in to office by the scheduling manager.

So GM asked me to have you read this, its a warning. I heard you have problems with B and I din’t know that.

I find out they never fucking told the scheduling manager. they lied to me to just keep me coming in.

And... listen. look. I get that everyone in that place must have a complaint. I get that the managers must hear complaints all the time but. just because they do, does not mean my complaint matters less. Im a young woman who is uncomfortable working with an older male manager, how about yall give a shit about that at least. This job didnt care about me the entire time and that hurts even fucking more.

So now, im only getting two days. Because instead of the other managers just stepping up and working the easy night shift, instead of being accommodating and considerate, they decide to just shit on my feelings like this. 

The last time I went in. the manager is fucking talking to me because thats what fucking happens. The more you work with someone like that, the more they get use to you not liking them and being uncomfortable with them and they decide they dont fucking care, that they dont have o be accountable. that they can just keep messing with you. My last shift was so anxiety riddled I had to excuse myself 5 times (I counted the tissues) to go fucking cry because of how awful it felt to just, be surrounded by so many people who have the power to do something and yet, decide they just dont feel like it. 

He keeps his shifts and i have to deal with having 2.

He works on salary, I have  9 dollars an hour.

my bf and i had to move out of our 1 bedroom that we share with his dad because we needed the space and rent is an extra $100. I broke my glasses last month and cant afford to get replacements so i have been straining my eyes faily. I have to pay a full internet bill from my account and my bf gives me half of that. the dog wont stop fucking barking and giving the cat fleas. My mother and I dont speak, we have no relationship. I dont want to ask my aunts for money any more than i already do, i have no family out here, i only have like 3 friends that are close enough to visit and even then, i dont have a car and “close” equals driving distance and... i’m just

I am so exhausted haha. its been such a long few months. The ups and downs are there but, the downs have been so much more amplified lately its hard to see a silver lining so i just, idk, I dont know. I do not know.

I got our new schedule today. Only two days. This ko-fi stuff and this commission stuff guys its what i have right now. Its what i need to work because nothing else is. lol im not a begging person, im not like... this. Im not so open but, i could really use any help right now, please. Just share the links, if u dont see something u like maybe someone else will, and that hope is the only thing i can look forward to right now. thanks for reading this far if u did. thanks for listening to me yell about avatar for all these years thanks for following me and giving me notes and making me laugh and making me smile and im burned out after all of this so, take care guys.

[hallucinosims]

Hi here’s the get to know me tag let’s get to knowing

I was tagged in this by @gunthermunch

125 questions under the cut, if you do decide to read i suggest getting a snack first

I tag @emovatore @humanitys-shortest @liliithvatore if you haven’t done it yet

1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? Elio

2. WHAT IS YOUR NICKNAME? Lee and Leo are the go-tos in real life but I get called Hall on here and I think that’s a rad nickname too

3. BIRTHDAY? Feb 5th

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOOK SERIES? I am a slut for the Percy Jackson series and Leo Valdez was one of the reasons why I started going by Leo more often then my full name

5. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS OR GHOSTS? Yes yes absolutely yes. One, earth really can’t be the only planet in a universe with infinite possibilities to have life on it, you know? And ghosts is more like a spirit thing.

6. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR? oooh fuck me up this is a hard one uhhhhhh Classic author probably Edgar Allen Poe but Contempoary I’d say Tony Kushner

7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE RADIO STATION? the Musical Theatre station

8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF ANYTHING? I don’t really like... food. I don’t enjoy it. But I guess I like savory over sweet

9. WHAT WORD WOULD YOU USE OFTEN TO DESCRIBE SOMETHING GREAT OR WONDERFUL? neat

10. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE SONG? Liar by Queen or Greek God by Conan Gray

11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WORD? I-Cunt-tic, pronounced like iconic but... you know

12. WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO? Please Never Fall in love again Ollie MN

13. WHAT TV SHOW WOULD YOU RECOMMEND FOR EVERYBODY TO WATCH? Kidding, that Jim Carrey tv show that premiered this year. Beautifully edited and told story

14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE TO WATCH WHEN YOU’RE FEELING DOWN? I’ve seen Bohemian Rhapsody 6 times this month alone so probably that on wards

15. DO YOU PLAY VIDEO GAMES? yes

16. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? dying in the same place i was born

17. WHAT IS YOUR BEST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? my empathy

18. WHAT IS YOUR WORST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? the depression (tm) 

19. DO YOU LIKE CATS OR DOGS BETTER? idk, i’m not really an animal person

20. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? fall

21. ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP? nah

22. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU MISS FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD? playing in the ika playscape

23. WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND? i have quite a few best friends but when im at school/work then my good friend Julio

24. WHAT IS YOUR EYE COLOR? a very doe eyed dark brown

25. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR? i re-dyed my hair black recently so let’s go with that

26. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU LOVE? my mom

27. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU TRUST? my dad

28. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN? myself

29. ARE YOU CURRENTLY EXCITED ABOUT/FOR SOMETHING? going to denmark to be a farm gay on my semester off

30. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST OBSESSION? currently Sims, Queen, and Falsettos (the musical)

31. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW AS A CHILD? i didn’t have cable but there is no way in hell i’m saying cyberchase so, Mia and Miguel

32. WHO OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER CAN YOU TELL ANYTHING TO, IF ANYONE? Julio

33. ARE YOU SUPERSTITIOUS? very

34. DO YOU HAVE ANY UNUSUAL PHOBIAS? none that i can think of

35. DO YOU PREFER TO BE IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA OR BEHIND IT?i actually really enjoy both

36. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOBBY? sims

37. WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? True West, it’s a really good play

38. WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? ...Bohemian Rhapsody for the 6th time

39. WHAT MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? most stringed instruments i can figure out pretty quickly but i’m best at guitar and piano

40. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL? humans

41. WHAT ARE YOUR TOP 5 FAVORITE TUMBLR BLOGS THAT YOU FOLLOW? i follow over 5k people i don’t even know who i follow

42. WHAT SUPERPOWER DO YOU WISH YOU HAD? basically Kirby. I want the power to take others powers

43. WHEN AND WHERE DO YOU FEEL MOST AT PEACE? in michigan on rainy afternoons in my bunk bed with my laptop on my lap. Or like, the floor of a bookstore

44. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE? loaded question

45. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? I used to do competitve dance, competitve cheer, biking, and volleyball

46. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK? watah

47. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A HAND-WRITTEN LETTER OR NOTE TO SOMEBODY? like a week ago to my grandma, she likes getting post cards in the mail

48. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? i used to be. not so much anymore

49. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? people who saunter. We got places to be fellas

50. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A CONCERT? yup!

51. ARE YOU VEGAN/VEGETARIAN? i’m to anemic to be either 

52. WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP? a performer

53. WHAT FICTIONAL WORLD WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE IN? i’m actually not to into media that take place in other... wait i take it back i wanna live in Hobbiton

54. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WORRY ABOUT? breathing

55. ARE YOU SCARED OF THE DARK? ehh sometimes

56. DO YOU LIKE TO SING? It’s a part of my career so hopefully

57. HAVE YOU EVER SKIPPED SCHOOL? i’m skippin school rn

58. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE ON THE PLANET? manhattan Lower East Side

59. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE? Manhattan’s Lower East Side. I live in the Upper West Side right now and it’s aight but it’s not the LES

60. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? nope

61. ARE YOU MORE OF AN EARLY BIRD OR A NIGHT OWL? i just dont sleep

62. DO YOU LIKE SUNRISES OR SUNSETS BETTER?sunrises

63. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE? nah

64. DO YOU PREFER EARBUDS OR HEADPHONES? earbuds

65. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES? yee

66. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE GENRE OF MUSIC? anything

67. WHO IS YOUR HERO? Tony Kushner

68. DO YOU READ COMIC BOOKS? yee and before you ask my fave is Deadpool

69. WHAT MAKES YOU THE MOST ANGRY? when people be on some bullshit

70. DO YOU PREFER TO READ ON AN ELECTRONIC DEVICE OR WITH A REAL BOOK? real book

71. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? IN High School I loved history

72. DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS? one sister who is ten years older than I am

73. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? ... iced coffee despite it being 30 degrees out

74. HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5′3

75. CAN YOU COOK? I’d like to think so. Wish I had a oven tho

76. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU LOVE? music, my family (sometimes) I’m trying to love myself so let’s throow that one in there

77. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU HATE? people who stroll/saunter, when people are on their bullshit, dark chocolate

78. DO YOU HAVE MORE FEMALE FRIENDS OR MORE MALE FRIENDS? male “friends”. But, I know a lot more girls that I keep up with more often.

79. WHAT IS YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION? lesbian

80. WHERE DO YOU CURRENTLY LIVE? Manhattan, Upper West Side

81. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TEXTED? Me mam

82. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Thursday in my Theatre class but we were all crying so i’ll let it slide

83. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE YOUTUBER? i don’t really watch anyone consistently

84. DO YOU LIKE TO TAKE SELFIES? i do

85. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE APP? tinder

86. WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENT(S) LIKE? prety solid i love them both even if my mom hates my sexuality and threatened locking me at home when i came out to herelol

87. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOREIGN ACCENT? italian

88. WHAT IS A PLACE THAT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO, BUT YOU WANT TO VISIT?Copenhagen! I’ve wanted to go to Denmark since I was ten

89. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 7

90. CAN YOU JUGGLE? Nah son

91. ARE YOU RELIGIOUS? defenitly a lot less than my story style insists lol. I do believe in God tho

92. DO YOU FIND OUTER SPACE OR THE DEEP OCEAN TO BE MORE INTERESTING? LOADED QUESTION BECAUSE I WANNA EXPLORE BOTH 

93. DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF TO BE A DAREDEVIL? ehhhhhhhh no

94. ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO ANYTHING? strawberries and some medicine that i can’t remember the name of

95. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? yes i’m a lesbian it’s what we do

96. CAN YOU WIGGLE YOUR EARS? nah

97. HOW OFTEN DO YOU ADMIT THAT YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT SOMETHING? Literally anytime i’m wrong about soomething. I love being exposed, put in my place, roasted.

98. DO YOU PREFER THE FOREST OR THE BEACH? Forest so I can find my mans... my MOTH mans

99. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIECE OF ADVICE THAT ANYONE HAS EVER GIVEN YOU? you know what you want, don’t let your concerns get in the way of your ambitions

100. ARE YOU A GOOD LIAR? Yes

101. WHAT IS YOUR HOGWARTS HOUSE? Ravenclaw

102. DO YOU TALK TO YOURSELF? Deadass I talk to myself more often than otherpeople

103. ARE YOU AN INTROVERT OR AN EXTROVERT? introverted

104. DO YOU KEEP A JOURNAL/DIARY? yee

105. DO YOU BELIEVE IN SECOND CHANCES? I give everyone I can think of second chances because i’m a forgiving sone of a bitch and yet they continue TO BE ON SOME BULLSHIT

106. IF YOU FOUND A WALLET FULL OF MONEY ON THE GROUND, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? THat be mine i may be forgiving by moral compass be broke as hell and I haven’t eaten in like 3 days because i’m so broke

107. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE ARE CAPABLE OF CHANGE? When I’m answering this question for a job application i sure do

108. ARE YOU TICKLISH? tragicallu

109. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A PLANE? yes

110. DO YOU HAVE ANY PIERCINGS? i have 5 holes in my ears and a nostreil piercing

111. WHAT FICTIONAL CHARACTER DO YOU WISH WAS REAL? Mark Cohen or LEO VALDEZ

112. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS? yes 2, one chest, one forearm. But that’s only because I don’t have money i need more

113. WHAT IS THE BEST DECISION THAT YOU’VE MADE IN YOUR LIFE SO FAR? move to new york

114. DO YOU BELIEVE IN KARMA? yes and she’s a bitch

115. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES OR CONTACTS? both

116. DO YOU WANT CHILDREN? eventually I feel like I would make a pretty solid kid

117. WHO IS THE SMARTEST PERSON YOU KNOW? my dad

118. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MEMORY? Being high for three days straight

119. HAVE YOU EVER PULLED AN ALL-NIGHTER? i just finished pulling one

120. WHAT COLOR ARE MOST OF YOU CLOTHES? black as you can see by my simself  i really do dress pretty much only in black because i aged poorly out of my goth phase

121. DO YOU LIKE ADVENTURES? yeeee

122. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON TV? Yep, Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade, Trade Show stuff, probably for school or local news a few times

123. HOW OLD ARE YOU? 18

124. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE? Know in your soul like your blood knows the way from your heart to your brain, know that you’re whole. - HEdwig and the Angry Inch

125. DO YOU PREFER SWEET OR SAVORY FOODS? This is a really boring last question but savory but if you made it this far i’ll expose myself a little more. I’m black and Jewish, I go to a performing arts Conservatory, and this took me so long to answer because I hooked up with someone in Brooklyn last night and i had trouble getting back to my dorm.

[imtryingreallyhardsohavepitty]

ARIANA GRANDE HAS NO WACK SONGS

It's two o'clock in the morning and I'm feeling some type away so why the fuck not make a post about THE ITALIAN MAFIA PRINCESS HERSELF. (LONG ASF)

I'll make my statement first.

MS. Grande does not have 1 song that I (personally) even thought of it other than a bop. There's very few people to do that for me and I just wanna share my love for my queen real quick.

1. Yours Truly (A GREAAAT DEBUT ALBUM) (GREAT ALBUM IN GENERAL)

1. Honeymoon Avenue: it's been about 5 years and if she released this tomorrow as a single I would 1000% be here for it. Shit slaps. And she was talking that shit

2. Baby I: Very UNDERATED. A BOP (I'll say that a lot). Reminds me of the summer of 2013. Which a lot of good music was released.

3. Right here: THIS ALBUM REALLY HAD BANGERS SKSJSK. A greeeeaaatt song and Big Sean did cute but it was mostly about Ms. Grande and the video was cute as hell. Another forgot about bop

4. Tattooed heart: *sighs* AN EMOTIONAL BOP. I felt like some biker got my name tattooed on his chest. Amazing amazing amazing.

5. Loving it: TOP 5 MOST UNDERATED ANIMES OF ALL TIME. This was and is STIILL my shit. A BOP I CANT EXPLAIN IT ANYMORE GO FUCKING LISTEN.

6. Piano: one of the weaker songs on the album but when this album came out it was favorite ( and that proves my point) It really is a great song but just because of all the other songs and albums she's released, the song doesn't stand with the other bops. She slaps in Claires tho

7. Daydreamin: Vocals were so soft in this and its great. It's makes me feel like the finest man alive ( Michael B Jordan) is walking in front of me in slow motion.

8. The Way: WHAT STARTED THIS SHIT. the way isn't the first time I've heard her or anything. I just didn't know sis was out here making grown woman bops while still serving the kids on Nickelodeon. ICONIC

9. You'll never know: a hood bop honestly. She was talking THAT shit. A nice little dougie is efficient for this song.

10. Almost is never enough: VOCALLSSS. Sis was going off. I just realized sis had not 1 but 3 of her niggas on her DEBUT ALBUM.

I. C. O. N. I. C.

11. Popular Song: this shows how she can make Some r&b BANGERS for the hood. And then make some bops for the kiddies. CAN UR FAVE BE PLAYED AT CLAIRES, HOTTOPIC, AND H&M (at the same time) I THINK THE FUCK NOT

12. Better left unsaid: very CUTE BOP. SHIT SLAPS. She's giving y'all a fist pump bop. While I serve my tens. DIVERSE QUEEN.

In closing: Yours truly: Her second best album. 9/10 100% recommend of you haven't already listened. You could really listen to the full without skipping a song. And that's VERY RARE. ON HER DEBUT. And this was a cute era. Now that that's it's time.....

2. My Everything: H E R B E S T A L B U M. EVERY SONG FUCKING SLAPS PLEASE BELIEVE ME I CANT STRESS TO YOU HAVE GOOD THIS ALBUM IS. IM TYPING THIS SWEATING WHILE IM LISTENING TO IT. ITS SO GOOD

1. Intro: OH MAH GOD. Emotional anthem. JUST HER SINGING YOU TO SLEEP FOR A MINUTE. ITS AMAZIG

2. Problem: A. B O P. EVEN IGGY COULDN'T RUIN IT. And that's the that on that.

3. ONE LAST TIME: YALL ARE GONNA KILL ME BUT... A BOPPPP THIS IS ONE OF HER BEST SONGS I RUN THIS BACK AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK.

4. Why try: LITERALLY LOVE AND WAR BY TAMAR BRAXTON BUT FOR 13 year old white girls. AND IT SLAPS.

5. Break Free: A VOGUE BOP. I REALLY BE SERVING MY TENS. Before Into you, Break free had me giving hands.

6. Best mistake: Ms. Grande has this power to make any person she's with look like they're meant to be and that's amazing. Anyways a hood bop. I used to think Big Sean should've had a shorter verse but now that I've heard it more the pledge of allegiance, I realized it was perfect. Them performing it live is a viiibbee.

7. Be my Baby: Y'all I've talked in caps for almost 70% of this post and said BOP 90%. BUT THIS SONG RIGHT HERE IS HER TOP 5 BEST AND MOST UNDERATED FUCKING BOPS WOW. THIS IS MYYU SHIT. IM DEADASS SERIOUS WHEN I SAY THAT THERE'S NOT A DAY THAT GOES BY THAT I DONT LISTEN TO THIS SONG. ONE OF MY BIGGEST REGRETS IN LIFE IS NOT GOING TO THE HONEYMOON TOUR AND HEARING THIS LIVE.

8. Break your heart right back: IM CRYING TYPING THIS. THE REST OF THE ALBUL IM GONNA BE IN CAPS BECAUSE THE REST OF THE ALBUM FUUCKKINGBOPS. THIS SONG IS CRUNK ASF AND REALLY GETS ME TO THROW IT ALLL THE WAY BACK. AND DONALD'S VERSE WAS GREAT BUT THIS SONG SLAPS IN THE CAR ONYOUR WAY TO CLAIRES AKSBSKAHSHSB

9. Love me harder: A COLLAB I WAS WAITING FOR AND IT WAS EXECUTED PERFECTLY. I KNOW YOUVE HEARD IT

10. Just a little bit of your heart: AN EMOTIONAL SONG WRITTEN BY THE ONLY WHITE MAN WHO CAN NUT IN ME (HARRY STYLES.). AND IT REALLY GET YOU IN YOUR BAG AND THATS ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW.

11. Hands on me: HER MOST UNDERATED BOP. I CANT EVEN SPEAK ON THIS WITHOUT SWEATING. SHIT SLAPPP ON ANY HOLY DAY A FUCKING HOOD ANTHEM HOLY SHIT

SHE WAS TALKING THAT SHIT

12. My Everything: HE WAS MY EEEEVVVVEERRRYYTGHHING TIL HE WAS NOTHING BITCH. TITLE TRACK AND SHIT IS EMOTIONAL. IM IN MY BAG.

13. Bang Bang: A COLLAB IVE WANTED SINCE MIDDLE SCHOOL AND I GOT IT. SO IM GEEKED AND SHE STILL BOPS

14. Only 1: VOCALLLLLLSS SIS. MY HOOD SHIT, ALSO. WHY DOES SHE DO THIS? ALL DELUXE SONGS BOP

15. You don't know me: SHE WAS RAPPING IDK. SHE WAS TELLING YALL TO GET OFF HER ASS. WHAT SHE DOES NOT CONCERN YOU POOR CHILDREN. SAID ALL THAT WHILE STAYING ON BEAT BYEE

In closing: H. E. R. BEST. There's NOT ONE SAY THAT GOES BY THAT I DONT LISTEN TO AT LEAST 1 SONG OFF THIS ALBUM. ONE OF THE BEST ALBUMS OF THE YEAR ( I'm pretty sure Beyoncé dropped something that year so I can't say the best lol)

If y'all want me to do DW and her BOOPPS OF CHRISTMAS EPS, LMK but it's 3:30 am and I'm on my phone typing this so I'm gone.

[onlyjihoons]

policeman!jihoon pt.2

a/n; special thanks to bff jupiter @chaeyolks for the pretty pretty moodboard once again,, also! this is a collab w @alliwannado-w1, her installment for woojin is coming up this weekend so do look forward to it^^

policeman!jihoon pt.1//policeman!woojin

warning: slight alcohol mention+slight violence, however characters are written when they are of adult age

“you’re illegal, why are you even a police officer?”

“you’re going to do undercover duty with y/n.”

“again?!”

“unless you want me to–”

“yes sir”

so here he was, groaning at his impeccable luck

he needed to get back at daniel for making him buy that drink LOL

“hello, im inspector park jihoon, please take care of me”

you looked up, being greeted by jihoon, in a light blue button down and ripped jeans

with that lanyard that has his name and picture??

usually staff id pics look like mugshots

but hey his pic deadass looks like a shot of those models for some fashion show

“hello, i’m sergeant y/l/n,” you smiled, sticking out your hand, “i hope we will work well together.”

at that moment jihoon fell for your brown eyes

and dimples when you smile

whatever he said about having zero interest in girls was thrown into the gutter

jihoon was tasked to shadow you for your duties for a month

he was pretty sure he was gonna get sacked for falling for his superior LOL

anyways

your first day of working with jihoon was nothing big, just typing out some reports

it was a little weird because an inspector from the violent crimes department in a street crimes(idk what its called pls forgive me) department? typing out reports of a lost puppy??

anyhow your female colleagues from the other departments will ever more often drop by your desk just to see jihoon

it was getting annoying how theyre actually paying more attention to jihoon

so you asked minhyun to dispatch you for more undercover duties LOL

“i thought you loved writing reports”

“not until the female sergeants from other departments come to my desk to see inspector park??”

“are you jealous?”

ngl you were but you arent gonna let it show

especially in front of minhyun

he would f l i p

“try having 3 colleagues flocking to your table every 2 hours to see your co-worker instead of talking to you, and also distracting you from doing work.”

“fine”

undercover was boring, you would normally drag sergeant!baejin along with you

but this time he wanted to stay in the office because he doesnt want to be the “third wheel”

you and jihoon would go to the same club everyday to do undercover duties

and the both of you manage to bust some sleazy dudes

since the whole thing was already under control the both of you soon don’t need to go to the club

and actually do night patrols

it was fun, because jihoon would entertain you by pulling funny faces and treat you to ice cream

contrary to your expectations, jihoon was actually quite nice to be around with

but then something in your mind went off about him

 you remembered the fuckboy senior that played with girls’ hearts in high school

it was jihoon

you were well aware that you were a position above him despite the 2 year age gap

but you couldn’t let yourself fall for someone who breaks hearts

so you decided to build a invisible wall of friendship to prevent yourself from falling for him

i mean how couldn’t you,, he was good looking, good at his work, and had a faint protective vibe which you liked

like whenever you were feeling only a little chilly at the cool breeze jihoon would not hesitate to drape his jacket over you

and also let you walk on the inside of the pavement

besides, minhyun would fall off his chair at the thought of his sister dating someone from the violent crimes department

but that didn’t stop you from having fun

the both of you would sit at swings and play at the slides

there was once jihoon was stuck at one of the slides and you had to help him LOL

but ended up pulling out one of his Stan Smiths and nearly called the fire brigade

day by day, the both of you got closer

and you told jihoon not to call you “sergeant hwang” bc that sounds rlly formal

one day the both of you were just talking about random stuff and you mentioned that you wanted to pick up martial arts

“i can teach you if you want!^^”

“really? what martial arts do you do?”

“i have a six-don black belt in taekwondo, i do teach little kids in my spare time as well”

so here you are, standing at the back of jihoon’s taekwondo class

you felt very over-aged learning taekwondo with a bunch of white-belt kids

but they were really good, and jihoon told the kids you were his assistant for the time being

yeah, assistant with a white belt

and just saying, jihoon looked rlly rlly hot in that taekwondo uniform

with slightly sweaty bangs and all

when he just stands aside for the kids to practice and adjusts his belt

bOI

ok moving on

you learnt some basic moves and jihoon barely needed to coach you to get them right

so all those years of fighting with minhyun was worthwhile

jihoon would shift you up to a yellow belt in two weeks because you were that good

so one day your eyes obviously wasn’t doing you good

you kept messing up the sequence throughout the lesson, maybe your condition wasn’t good

jihoon could see it and asked you to rest for a while

after the lesson ended, you took your street clothes and accidentally walked into the men’s changing room

and you walked into a topless jihoon

luckily, he was the only one inside

you could see his toned abs, and defined arms

not to mention that killer jawline

and in taekwondo pants????

jihoon noticed you staring slightly and then fumbled to find his taekwondo robe

and you noticed you were in the wrong changing room

“oh shit im so sorry i--i”

just as you were about to get out of the changing room jihoon blocked the door

without his robe

“y/n, did you enter the wrong changing room to see,,,”

“see?”

he pointed to his abs, “this?”

you could only laugh, “i would never do that, i can easily see them on the internet”

he raised his eyebrows, “so you watch porn?”

“no??” you rolled your eyes, offended, “do you think i’m that kind of person, inspector park?”

“n-no--”

“i’m sorry i’m not like those girls you played with back in high school, i’m not after your body--”

“you’re driving me crazy, y/n”

“what?”

“your eyes, your nose, your lips, drive me crazy.” jihoon stared right into your eyes, making you blush

“hey inspector park--”

“why don’t you call me ‘jihoon oppa’ anymore? is our relationship strictly work-related now?”

“i just...” you sighed how something small could escalate to something big like this, “i like you, jihoon-oppa”

you slightly cringed but you continued, 

“but we cant do this. minhyun will get mad, and there goes my job.”

“b-but--”

“sorry, inspector park, i’d have to go.”

you pushed jihoon aside weakly, then going out and into the ladies’ changing room

you felt hot tears trickling down your face, in reality, you just didn’t want your heart to be broken

the next day, you and jihoon went to work like a normal day

just, no patrolling and writing of reports the whole day

the office could sense a tension between the both of you, even your female colleagues stopped coming over

“hey y/n,” baejin stopped by your table and handed over a file, “you gotta go undercover again for that club, the perverts are striking again.”

“again?” you sighed, “okay i’ll go.”

“do you need me to go with you?” baejin leaned against your desk, “ you seem, off, today”

“i-”

“i will go with her, sergeant bae.” jihoon spoke, “it’s my last day here anyway.”

so fast, a month has passed, you thought.

“thanks inspector park. i’ll get going then.”

you skipped dinner, all you did was to write reports continuously throughout the day

until jihoon slammed your laptop shut, and stared straight into your eyes

“we need to go now, sergeant hwang.” his lips stretched into a straight line.

you unwillingly got up from your seat, as you shrugged on your coat and headed out to the carpark to wait for jihoon

the car ride was quiet, with you staring out of the window, not talking to jihoon

though it was jihoon’s last day, and you were sorry he had to spend his last day like that

you had to stop yourself 

though the club was playing upbeat music, all you could do was to stare into blank space

just then, some sleazy dude came up to you

“can i buy this pretty lady a drink?” he winked

“no thanks, im with someone else--”

“ey, that someone else can wait.”

“i really do have someone--”

“i said i will get you a drink alright?!” the man’s rogueish smile appeared, grabbing your wrist, “i know you’re here to do undercover duties, sergeant hwang--”

just then, a fist was sent flying to the man’s cheek, as he stumbled backwards

you saw an angry jihoon, his face was red with anger

“if you ever touch sergeant hwang again, you’ll end up in the hospital.” jihoon growled.

“wow, sergeant, i didn’t know you were into flowery pretty boys like--”

jihoon sent another punch across the man’s face, making him fall to the ground

you had to physically stop jihoon from hitting that sleazy dude, or it would’ve turned into a full fight

“jihoon-oppa,” you held his arm, which weakened at your touch, “let’s stop, minhyun wouldn’t be happy if he saw this.”

jihoon scoffed, putting the dude in handcuffs

“you’re under arrest for sexual harrassment, you have a right to remain silent, unless with witness that will support your innocence.”

after that dude was thrown into jail, jihoon immediately hugged you

“are you okay?” he then took a step back to analyse your frame, “he didn’t hurt you, right? i was so--”

you then cut jihoon off with a kiss, shutting him up effectively.

jihoon kissed you back with more assertion, to make up for the time he didn’t get to talk to you throughout the day

“what was that, y/n?” jihoon smiled, ruffling your hair

“don’t tell minhyun about this”

boyfriend!jihoon in the police station is super sweet, leaving you a sandwich for breakfast, then dragging you out for lunch

minhyun soon found out about it, “i knew the both of you had something going on”

and jihoon wasn’t the asshole you expected him to be

he only had eyes for you, and it was really endearing

the both of you would go on night walks, and then sitting on the swing set, talking about random things

overall, the sweetest crime-busting couple in Gangnam Police Station

“I don’t know how you became a police officer, your looks are illegal, you’re my illegirl”

lowkey stole that from dimple by bts sorry im lame i hope you guys enjoyed this as much as i liked writing this,,my request box is always open, so do send in requests!

[harryfeatgaga]

Google trends are telling me that people in world wide graph and esp in US and European countries he is higher than the others and even could beat 1d at some point lol

thats hot

Anonymous said: im a new harrie like i never paid much attention to 1d i liked their music tho just didnt follow them but i wasnt ever into harry until this year but he is definitely the most popular like from an outside perspective he was always the main one like i remember when zayn left thinking well at least it wasnt harry lol bc non-fandom interest in 1d was often focused on harry

yea it seems that way lol thank you for the ~outside perspective~

Anonymous said: There were deadass 100 articles written about him and Camille because they were together for two days lol. Like yeah it's not necessarily PR but it surely didn't hurt having his name on every website leading up to his second single being released lol. I'm not saying it's on purpose I'm just saying it was a nice wave following Dunkirk promo and the heart monitor game to this, it has a good follow through lol

yes exactly lmao

Anonymous said: I think all the backlash from Harry himself at Tess shows that it wasn't pr like I think it was in the U.K. where it had gotten the most press, which wasn't even that much actually, and Harry's team shut it down pretty fast after Tess and her team(?) started running with the story for her pr. Like Harry is pr for Tess and Camille, but they can't be pr for him on how unpopular they are. No ones talking about Camille except fans so that's not really pr.

yea it def got her a lot more press then he did lmao and yea honestly i didn't see anything really about it here cause tess isn't known here lmao

[yoongisgoawaydoormat]

Is it Harry you don't like or how he's been branded since the early 1D days? How the media pegged him as the front man when clearly there 5 great guys in the band? I'm just curious because I like Harry and the four other guys equally in terms of music, even before they started making solo music.

im gonna kinda combine this answer with an anon i should have responded to weeks ago “i've noticed you dislike harry, especially recently with him promoting his new music, but i'm not sure how/why it started exactly. could you explain??”

for me now it’s that i don’t like harry and that’s a position i’ve come to over the course of the past 2-3 years and i think i can break that evolution down into two broad categories: his relation to zayn (both pre- and post-march 2015) and how he has approached going solo (again both pre- and post-1d going on a break). 

and what’s most important about these two for me is that it is hard to explain away his actions in these categories as Harry Styles™; these are HIS choices, HIS words, HIS actions thus forcing me to dislike harry styles the person

for the sake of people’s dashes i’m putting a read more, but for those interested i’ve written a novel explaining these categories in more detail below (deadass i just copied it all into word and it’s 1500 words long..... im-.....)

1) how harry relates to zayn

i list his relation to zayn first because i truly believe this says something about his character. he has done things specifically re: zayn that have nothing to do with how he’s been branded in 1d or how the media has portrayed him; his actions that im going to discuss and that have most negatively affected my view of him are all on harry styles the person

it really started in the summer of 2014 when he waved the inflatable hammer of israel around at a concert during a time of heightened tensions between israel and palestine (and by heightened tensions i mean more war crimes and atrocities committed by the apartheid-esque occupational regime of israel). he asked those fans for that hammer, he is the one who has multiple zionist connections and could easily be considered a zionist himself. that’s on harry styles the person. meanwhile zayn tweets #FreePalestine shortly after that and is abused off of twitter. i recognize that the (racist) double standard here is not coming directly from harry but he benefits from it (and always has) and he plays into it and i can’t even imagine how zayn felt as a muslim man having to sit and watch his bandmate get a free pass for supporting a genocidal regime while he is eviscerated for one tweet of support. harry’s role in all this was the first moment i truly began to dislike him as a person

then we have his actions after zayn left. i will never claim to know what went down. im not sure we will ever know the whole ‘truth’ of zayn leaving and i’ve always said there’s shades of grey, no clear right and wrong, good and bad. it was messy but the bottom line is that zayn left (at least in part) because he was in an unhealthy state both mentally and physically and no one deserves that. so for all that the remaining four may have been justifiably hurt, confused, angry, etc. at things we can’t even possibly know about or understand re: zayn leaving, zayn deserves to be happy and healthy and people need to respect that. i do not think harry (nor his fans) respected that or zayn himself at all in the wake of him leaving. harry’s actions during mitam promo was, in my opinon, the most egregious and blatantly disrespectful. all four of them demonstrated sadness and/or bitterness at times but harry’s behavior (such as saying the ‘paperwork’ was the hardest part of z leaving, kicking a z mask off the stage, etc.) came across to me as petty, immature, spiteful and mean-spirited. it was not a spite that i saw in the other three. as a ztan (and also just a decent human?) i lost a lot of respect for harry in those months. i think these actions showed his true colors and those are not colors which i like very much.

also i’ve discussed this a bit on this blog but with the benefit of hindsight i do believe that a lot of those bitter actions re: zayn came from a selfish place of anger at zayn for ‘beating’ him to the solo game and from a place of ‘i’m going to villainize this person in order to make myself look better now and down the line.’ i think that was ‘proven’ for me when the build up for harry’s solo material included a LOT of very intentional mentions and comparisons to zayn. obviously that was something the media and people were going to do anyway but it was to a degree that felt sanctioned and encouraged; i think that comparison and that emphasis of ‘zayn as the evil judas who left, harry as the one who stayed until it was time’ was part of harry and his teams promo strategy (that backfired when SOTT flopped compared to pillowtalk, hence why i think those comparisons in big outlets have ceased, but i digress)... that’s a lot more of my own interpretation and my own reading of the info i have so it’s not as concrete as the stuff above but it does factor into my personal view of harry annnnnd it also connects nicely to my second point

2) his solo approach

now this is a more complex issue, and more of it *could* be attributed to Harry Styles™ but im going to preface my discussion by saying that harry chose his team. he’s been hanging with the azoffs on his personal time since 2013, his friendship with jeff has always been in our faces, he’s very clearly in the driver’s seat of his career at the moment, just as niall and liam appear to be (louis is a different and extremely nuanced conversation). he’s been angling towards his solo career for YEARS and while i don’t necessarily think that in and of itself is a bad thing (everyone in bands esp boy bands does that kind of forward thinking), i think the way he has gone about it is by stepping on his four bandmates in one way or another and i think that’s really fucking shitty. he has leveraged the existing Harry Styles™ frontman, standout image to catapult himself into this weird realm of ‘im above everything, im too cool, im already a legend’ promo.

on top of that kind of broad stroke stuff, some of his specific actions are just......... eye-roll worthy. i mean think about what the FIRST thing he did was after 1D went on a break? yachtgate. you can brush that off as a stunt all you want (and obviously in many ways it was) but it was a stunt that encouraged a certain solo harry narrative. it helped solidify him as the a-lister of the band hanging with jenners on fancy boats. it helped solidify him as a ‘star in his own right’ signing contracts and paperwork with jeff. it was a stunt that HELPED harry.

this is kind of a digression but i do think it’s important to note the nuanced difference between harry and louis’ ‘stunts.’ totally disregarding conversations of ‘real or fake,’ if we look at the major ‘stunts’ harry and louis have undertaken in their careers (and within this im including anything that could be construed as their ‘personal life’ being projected publicly i.e. eleanor, danielle, babygate, taylor swift, kendull jenner, etc.) harry’s stunts have always boosted his public image while louis’ have always hurt his. i know that’s an EXTREMELY broad and generalizing brush to paint with and im not trying to say that harry’s image has always been ‘good’, i remember the womanizer days i cant even imagine how much that hurt him and it sucks. but basically harry’s stunts have always made him more famous, putting him in an increasingly better position to convert Harry Styles™ into solo success. louis’ stunts have consistently done the opposite, giving him a SERIOUS uphill battle when it comes to the general public and mainstream media acknowledging his solo endeavors.

this is a discrepancy that exists between harry and ALL the boys, not just with louis (though the gulf between them is the most... extreme i’d say). harry has always been positioned above liam, niall and zayn too, and what i have a problem with is how that is being leveraged and leaned into rather than dispelled. harry could easily take the approach niall has which is constantly recognizing the good that one direction did for him. even if he didn’t want to be so overt he could have at least tried to be as polite and gracious as zayn was, who while recognizing that he wanted to do his own thing and his own music was very conscious to acknowledge the good bits of 1D. instead we have this weird almost antagonistic approach in his (sparse) interviews wherein it feels like harry treats 1d as this thing that was holding him back, something he is now free of. it’s a pretentiousness that i dont appreciate

the final thing i’ll add in this section is in how he and his team are treating the fans that he does have. i am not one of those people but at times i feel quite bad? and sorry? for harries who are investing their time and money and effort into an artist who seems hell bent on ignoring them. this aloofness is demonstrated on his social media, i mean has he taken time to interact with or thank fans once????? the whole tour ticket debacle sounds horrendous and im sorry for fans that don’t get to go because harry and his team bungled it. there’s just a distinct...... disrespect for the fans he was bringing with him from the 1D days and that’s frustrating.

[calvinlepesh]

Interpret how u please but know it saved my mind and soul.

SUMMARYWe have primitive speech in comparison to aliens/ superior being/s/ {Our God self]DONT FUCKING READ THIS IF U ARENT OPEN MINDED! DEADASS FUCKING SERIOUS UR GONNA MISS OUT.to become open minded you must have some form of empathy. Some form meaning you must have to have either the almost perfect understanding empathy based on your ability to place yourself in somebody elses position along with all of their past tramas, what they just fucking ate, basically whatever relevant to the situation apparent or not. I.E do I help this guy for gas hes asking the clerk hes begging he says hes got no money has to get home to his family. seems like a good dude. not making a fuss. being very nice about it. I paid for his fucking gas. Thats good energy right there. sent away and returned in ways that probably already occured but I don't reconize them as a direct result from helping. If you did what you thought was right or whatever you wanted to do actually. Which is what you're going to do anyways cause thats what you fucking decieded you wanted yourself to do. So if this doesn't hit you like it hits most people and myself included. Then just close the book and call me insane. If being insane is living content in my beliefs and my tommorow during the today but with passion for the future. then im fucking insane. Because thats what my program has done for me Truly search for good and if it isn't what you want to spend your time trying to help or doesnt concern you. You weren't meant to be concerened by it and thats okay because it will concern someone else at the right time. etc considered and making a choice based off of critical information secured from a display of empathy. If you cant show empathy practice please fucking practice before you continue reading. Actually idgaf you do you. Your life do what you desire.Speech is used to manifest things into reality of time. Typically faster if done consistently. Tested and proved. By many. My barber for example. little over 7 months ago living in a 1 bed room dumb girlfriend cat and hes cutting hair in his kitchen. The entire time throughout the year  hes telling me about this house hes getting his own very first house brand fucking new completely taylored to him. He told me saying Lep yeah my mom is helping me buy a house and get my career moving finally. After long periods of being told to basically fuck off his mom basically has a change of heart randomly. Hes got a 3 bedroom house. A barber room with checkered floot. 3 tvs niceass fucking interior furniture hes painting the house and has done many renovations over the last few months of him having this house. Just returning there earlier tonight actually I had walked in and had to check if he changed the paint in his front room again! Truly He doesn't even realize it completely. Hes almost so dumb hes smart. in a sense that being happy is being smart. He isn't stupid tho. My barber is on some of the same shit I am. Some. thats a different story tho. The point is he talked to me everytime he cut my hair for 6 month. Not just me I know for certain. He would talk motherfuckers ears off im sure they hated it. Honestly I hadn't been enlightened at this point. I fucking hated it. OMg yeah we fucking get it bro u want checkered floors. So many motherfuckers are talking nowadays. But do they always talk the same shiteveryday? Ill say it again. Do you talk about the same thing everysingle day? Do you talk to someone every single day? I don' t even have to ask what or why you do it. You're doing it because you have the desire of the company of that person. or their opinion, Whatever they have of value or beneficially or mutually beneficially to you or both. My barber talked about all the cool shit he was gonna do with his house. Having a pit bike track in the back. making a fire bit. building a deck. Making a TV back drop out of stained wood stained nailed and cut by him and I. Painted the entire house. CHECKERED FLOORS MOTHERFUCKERS. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO is MANIFEST IT IN YOUR LIFE. The sooner you start talking about and creating this lifestyle and figuring out how you're going to do it one day at a time. Talk to the person ur nervous to talk to. If they fall in love with you. THATS FUCKING KICKASS. if he thinks u dont belong in his universe right now understand thats a huge fucking positive in your life. Now you can live in this moment in time and know in this moment in time that it isn't happening because if it isn't meant to happen yet if at all. For all you know you could meet  him in 5 years and get married have 3 kids live happily ever after. Straight the fuck up! Right now im consistently talking to a girl i had the hugest crush on but never did anything about it. WHY DIDN'T I DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. CAUSE HOW FUCKING AWKWARD WOULD IT HAVE BEEN in minnesota when im visiiting and havent been home for christmas in 5 years that we just so happen to go get breakfest at a taveren like wtf? and its where she works serving. Top it off while we are walking in I see the sign of the place and reconize it from an instagram post that she posted and I had liked and inturn she liked my picture. whatever not important. all im trying to say is the future is 100% unpredictable in every sense. but at the same time it will be 100% guarenteed with my mindset program if applied properly. You never know tomorrow and that may scare you but what if you already had chosen what happens tomorrow long before anything existed? Do you trust your own judgement? The best part is you dont even have to trust your own judgement. YOU DONT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING YOU DONT WANT TO DO. But sometimes doing them is what you're meant to do typically for your benefit anyways, if not its a punishment, and if it isn't your benefit its somebody elses and they may or may not know that you're the direct cause. you may or may not know ever. But I believe that when we die we are enlightened and are shown the purpose to life. whether a test or a simulation. multiple tests inside one another or something uncomprehensible to myself or anyone. But thats different. What I do know is that a key to a good life Is a good mindset. Choose the mindset of I'm the shit. Cause I am, Cause I decieded I am, Im good fucking looking, People may call you a slut or whore but honestly it may be disgusting a little bit but they're probably jealous of all the hot people you've been with. Or even the fact ur getting laid. most single people hate on girls anyway. aint no boy in a nice healthy relationship talking shit on females and if he is he probably likes u and is trying to hide it. anyways besides the point. You need to develop something you say to yourself {I recommend} outloud {especially for getting started} whether written or set as an alarm for your phone ur background to your phone it could be a picture with a completely hidden message behind it. just associate something or have something that has things you know deep down in your soul you need to say to yourself. For example for me, Ive always been sensitive, still am a lot less than I was alot, But over time After being outcasted from my family at 15 being legally kiddnapped, and broken down on all aspects of self with many failed although maybe not completely failed attempts at bettering myself to the way that works for normies or the purposefully chosen people to be uneducated of the power of speech. They were esentially taking me in at 15 with a metaphorical emotionally broken leg. { ie i hate myself and im a bad person i dont give a fuck and i just want to die cause i dont understand the world} that was my attitude ie the broken metaphorical leg that I came into the school but for the sake of this metaphor this hospital with. However pretend in our metaphor the break in my leg is un noticeable. if ur slow as fuck just know the broken leg is a metaphor for my fucked up thinking. The hospitol or treatment center/school I was at cant fix my leg without me telling them my leg is broken. Now they knew something is wrong or else I wouldnt be there. Many claim at that hospital upon recent arrival that there's been a mistake and they don't need to be there. many times I laughed with everyone else at group along with the director Parker. Parker I believe knows alot about this but would never share with the group for possiblities of the kids claiming they're being brain washed or told to believe such things without an adult or atleast enlightened soul and mind these practices may sound slightly lucritive. Anyway back to the story. Metaphorically I tried many times to dodge and weave around questions asked in therapy sometimes even hamming it up to seem cool because of how insecure I was. trying to seek acceptance from my therapist lmfao very dark times. Which got darker with small light at the end of the tunnel. Thats the thing about parker he never took away full hope and if he did he had a good reason for doing so. I completely trust his judgement even to this day. Lying to ur therapist or even if they think you're lying to your therapist which usually they're right. The only reason they were ever wrong with me lying was because the decision was made based on previous situations of past lies. Lied before you'll lie again? possibly. Anyway, the darkness brought upon u metaphorically and almost not was the wall/work crew. ADAYONTHEWALL In a way this is tramatic but it almost shouldnt be. It was trautic because I put myself there many times. Purposefully yes in a sense but not the living sense. I wanted to be the perfect student at Liahona. Be the leader everyone looked up to. Be the family fucking leader. But I literally just was to immature and weak in all aspects. Too much so to do any of those things. Now that I think back the beauty of it Is I did eventually get all of those things. Because I manifested them. I desired both with my words and the vibes my words created in my body that the universe recieved. My body had translated what I wrote in my daily evals every night at Liahona. I attended Liahona for 711 days. 9 Days short from 2 years. The program is 9 months long. Back to the main subject. The wall. 6 am wake the fuck up. HEADCOUUUUUNT!!!. Big ass motherfucking dude named Quando shouts it at the top of his lungs. LMFAO pretty funny to think but this guy would scare the shit out of new kids in the mornings. shouting out of their beds. I definitely woke up thats for sure. The whole facility of 50-60 boys come out of there room pretty much as fast as possible although groggily everyone dressed in the same navy blue shorts and grey liahona t-shit tucked into our gym shorts with either white black or grey solid socks. No designs or wild shit. All the rules at Liahona were created over the years it had transitioned from an old house to the facility to the newer facility. Everything from tuck in ur chair at all times to. turn off the lights when you leave a room. Hundred of rules probably around over a thousand actually. I hated it off the bat but what was I gonna do? anyway. After everyone lines up in a U- formation with quando standing in the open portion of the U. He would say the same things every morning. Almost as if he was designed to say the same or relatively the same thing. One thing was for sure the message was clear every morning. Go back to your rooms  Today is a new day its a beautiful day make your beds and start studying your quote or doing whatever you're aloud to do until you go for the morning run and breakfest. Now quado probably used a great deal more broken english being from the pacific islands one of em sorry dont actually know. anyways. we dismiss. or atleast. everybody else does. perusual here I am. I sit down in my LIFETIME costco chair sitting mere inches from the head of my twin mattress. I will now sit in this chair for the remainder of the day unless instructed or allowed otherwise. 6-7 morning shift arrives. Can't look away. I think to myself staring at the wall. The desire to look is bad but even the thought of having to write another 300 word essay although they've become easy now, pointless to get one for something so easily avoidable. putting my elbows on my knees I duck my head do as If to pretend im studying the quote (a passage of around 100 words- alot of fucking words that must be memorized in full word for word straight the fuck up and recited to either a very trusted upper level or staff member who will tell you when you mess up and must stop and either use one of 2 hints allowed by parker to figure out whatever word u forgot or fail and take a 300 word essay, However if the quote is failed to be passed off before friday then your points for that week will be cut into half basically prolonging your stay to an extent given points are used to determine not in full but definitely play a large part in even the opportunity of you being recommended to get your next level Ie the quote is very important, very difficult, and I fucking hated it so fucking much you have no idea, Fuck the fucking stupid fucking quote. Parker is smart for the fact that he knows theres got to be something that seems and may possibly be a punishment that is time consuming and benefits those who work harder and faster destroying room for socialism. Basically parker created the quote to see who the fuck is really trying and how hard. Based on when you pass off the quote, If you pass off the quote, and how long of the quote is and whats in the quote. Parker can determine your loyalty to the program and therefore your recovery) Sitting in my chair and ducking my head between my armpits I can finally look around in a small area on each side of my body without getting too ballsy. This is my entertainment for the remainder of the day. Besides playing with my hand/feet. Tapping my feet/hand. looking at the US map{ and sometimes if they put u on the other wall or farther down you got the south america map. To this day can name the south american countries for the most part in alphabetical order. Crazylol. I can do the states right now. anyways. } Eating Oats and water with 2 of the gnarliest fucking red delicious apples every fucking morning. YO WHERE DID U FIND THOSE FUCKING APPLES MARK AND WHOEVER THE FUCK SHOPPED? jesus christ. Still don't eat red delicious apples THERE NOT FUCKING delicious. liars anyway. Before that when morning shift arrives typically shortly after if not immediately after their arrival we do another headcount. Of course yelled much less.... whats the word.... manly lol. Derek had the lamest headcount call. His unenthusiastic Severous snape from harry potter like almost moan like noise. anyways fuck u derek. Derek would take us to get our shoes, at both the new and old facility there are shoe closets that contain every students single pair of running shoes. The new facility also has our never to be touched til we leave or go on a visit personal items. After getting our shoes on. We went outside. line up on the concrete basket ball court in 5 lines spanning accross the entire court each student assigned to a 'family' upon arrival in no paticular order I hope but idk. Usually it was the one with the lowest amount of students but some family leaders would try to boost by trying to speak with newer students asap and within the rules. Communication of any kind with any student not directly monitored without being directly told otherwise is strictly forbidden. No form of communication head bobs nods winks smiles smirks laughs even eye contact for long periods of time. Although of course these rules were broken many times over the course of my stay. I definitely stopped talking to kids. Literally it taught me and im kinda glad it did it taught me to not ask my peers but elder people with wisdom and knowledge for help. However in therapy groups they allow us to communicate freely with the presnence of the therapist who was 1 of two therapists. However he would quickly correct any advice given from a student to a student to not only teach us the correct way to solve whatever issue being discussed  or shared. but almost in a way indirectly teaching you that experience and age are similar but not the same and to seek those that give the best advice and help the most which tend to be the people u want anyways. I did learn many many many many useful things that I still use today from Liahona. Because of going im now 1000x ahead of an average person my age. Given my experiences and newly found and enlightened self. Given to me when I was ready to give it to myself. When I learned I control this reality with how I feel. And I tend to feel how I talk. Because my talk conveys my emotion. Talk good feel good do good deserve good. Lined up on the basketball court right my bad Im side tracked for the millionth time. gimme a break lol anyways. We line up in  5 columns of anywhere from 10 to 13 students typically ten atleast. 50 jumping jacks Go!" 1..2..3..4..5..6..7- ......49..50.  50 laps chop it up. At 8 laps a mile  50 laps was common but not that common. For awhile it was daily. All of our days depended on how all of us acted as a whole. If one person tried to run and doesnt succeed obvisouly never have never will. Everybody goes on lock down. No talking no moving everybody sits  in a circle. study a gigantic quote for that week cause homeboy tried running. or whatever the case is. Basically if you dont pull your weight somebody else has to and that weight is only their cause you are inturn now they hate u lol. Definitely was unlike for a vast majority by the vast majority however luckily in the end all works out as does all things in this universe in my world or currently my world.story sorry again 50 pushups now in unicen aswell 123-49-50 Then he tells us to go run and sometimes he'll tell u how many laps and sometimes hed tell u when you get to his standing spot at the finish line after your first lap. He does this to guage how and when certain students put in more effort. Shorter run? more harder runners? longer run? Whos putting in effort regardless of circumstance ie whats going on in ur life. Ie how many laps you got How are you moving before you know what your next move is. Are you jogging that first lap until derek tells you to save your breath cause you're banking on it being a longer run. Have you been running slow for 3 laps but the run was only 8 today so ur wasting ur time being lazy. Derek would see when you would run hard. who made u run harder cause u wanted to beat them. how many laps does it have to be minimum to run on the first lap. Whos running hard the first lap regardless of circumstance. They could tell who you were and what you could offer before you even knew anything about any of that. Because honestly you didnt give a fuck about trying before. atleast I didn't. I soon did. Over those 711 days I ran 95 percent of the week day mornings. was in niceass shape too for 17. weekends we got off thankf uckign god. After the blisters heal and you get calices on ur feet from running in the beginning being a new student it sucks alot don't get me wrong and it'll suck for awhile but you'll eventually learn to adapt and conquer by anymeans. I quit after 6 laps my first run. Not even a mile. sat down said I needed my inhaler. I didn't even have one.