#i have come to learn to experience fandom in an echo chamber and learn to enjoy media in peace and just prioritize my mental health

[wiredalienvampire]

Being in the fandom of an obscure/niche piece of media is a double edged sword to me.

At first it would feel a bit lonely and dead with how small the fandom is and it's sad to see hoe little attention that media gets because of how obscure it is

But at the same time tho as someone who has been in niche fandoms and has watched that fandom turn into a discourse ridden cesspool TWICE once it started to get a bigger, you kinda appreciate that it's as small as it is because it's easier to find people who are insane in a silly way and not an asshole way and your experience in it is much easier to curate for the sake of your well being

[raviolirash]

my first impression was that you're abrasive but i've slowly come to realize you're actually just wiser than i was early on and i wish i'd had the sense to listen when you said don't let other people kill your love for things (in your own way) cause the annoying people in these fandoms have made me tighten almost everybody out of my online social circle and everything is better, but i'm bitter

Haha, I can understand how you got that impression. ;D

It's unfortunately just something you have to learn from experience. But if it helps: Not all is lost, time tends to heal a lot of things as your brain throws out a lot of useless bullshit including bitterness. I have some personal character development related stories in regards to the now deleted BioWare forums I'll tell you hwat.

I guess: don't feel bad about not being a wise old hag throwing rocks at children.

Point is for anyone who needs this: you really don't owe a quarter of a millimeter of your ear to screaming children in fandom spaces, particularly now where people make the most asinine of ragebait content for a few pennies. I mean, you don't need to go full Harlan Ellison about it - such as I behave at times where I go for people's tracheas like a shitfaced vampire -, but it is incredibly important to establish boundaries at this stage, even if they are a bit fuzzy. Life is too short for anything else.

Make shitty gifs showcasing your favorite part of a thing you love instead. That's a better way to go about it I think.

This will bring on about a few "You're an Echo Chamber Andy" responses but there is a vast difference between making an echo chamber and cultivating an environment which keeps the urge to drive a car into a concrete wall at full speed at bay. We all deserve a little refuge.

The worst kind of people in fandom are inevitably the ones who get the great idea to piss while bleaching their hair in their own refuge and in turn they knock themselves out with chloroform they've created.

[blubushie]

tbh, as a woman who hangs out in communities where alot of middle aged men are guaranteed to gather around, you really hit the nail on the head. i've yet to find a tf2 fic that actually captures that male camaraderie that i've seen from the men around me.

Also, knowing this is the queer website and that much of the TF2 fandom is transmasc, I'm gonna address this so these kids can't go "I don't do that!! I'm a man!! I know what men act like because I-"

Men in queer spaces don't act the same way in the queer space as they do outside of it. I know I don't, cuz people get judgy. Queer community does not like men or masculinity. If you look too much like a man, or act too manly/boyish, or engage in male behaviours even with other men, they will look down on you. The only acceptable men are behaviorally effeminate, androgynous white twinks. If you divert from this in any way—too masculine, too POC, too physically male, too tall or fat or broad—they will treat you like a predator.

So a lot of these people, if they are interacting with men, are often interacting with other young transmascs who aren't socialised in male behaviour yet (usually online), or with men in queer spaces only—men who are masking. And they think men are just like this all the time.

And any man who doesn't play up the effeminate harmless uwu-shyboy persona is now scary or being toxically masculine because he's engaging in friendly ribbing with another man while being in a queer space.

I noticed it especially when me and an older bear went to a queer event (separately, we didn't come together) and he was practically ostracised because he's tall and bearded and bald and hairy and fat and very obviously male. And it turns out he was a trans man and he felt he didn't have a place in this event because everyone shunned him, or somehow managed to bring up toxic masculinity and how they don't feel safe with men in certain spaces, all in front of him while very obviously targeting him. The younger transmascs, of which there was quite a few, agreed with this. They ALSO didn't feel comfortable with him there because he was TOO male despite being just as queer as the rest of them (if not more—he was in his 50s and the oldest person there and had been out since his early 20s, so he defo had the most life experience of everyone there as far as the trans folk were concerned).

So naturally he and I hit it off. We separated off from the group, got drinks, and spent the afternoon in the corner, just us, discussing boats and fishing and lightly ribbing each other and laughing to ourselves while everyone else kept giving us glares and side-glances. Men are not welcome in queer spaces. Masculinity is not welcome in queer spaces. People treat ANY instance of masculinity as toxic. And so these young transmascs lost out on a perfect opportunity to see how men actually interact with each other, because the only other men they're actually interacting with are other trans men who don't know how men socialised as male act either.

It's kinda sad, in a way. Cuz they're gonna continue not knowing, and when the day comes they're gonna be blindsided and not know a fucken thing about how to be men in social environments because they don't wanna listen to or observe other men, not even the transmascs what came before them. Masculinity scary or some shit. And this is why it's SO IMPORTANT to have people outside of your familiar circle or your social group or your echo chamber as friends. It's why you should befriend your elders and learn from them, not shrink in fear cuz beards are scary or something. Not everyone can be a skinny white transmasc twink and not everyone WANTS to be. Masculinity is NOT a bad thing.

Anyway rant over. Point is these people don't know what male comraderie looks like cuz they don't actually put themselves out there to experience or observe it. Or even just engage in media where it's plainly showcased. 🤷‍♂️

[ca-suffit]

idek how to rly start this. it's a lot of heavy topics.

yesterday, I combined a lot of asks and an article for a post about this same topic. I didn't want it to turn into a reason to attack assad (a vulnerable target as a brown actor) but I didn't want to ignore the general subject either. this comes up in the fandom a *lot.* It should be given space to talk about bcuz there *is* a lot of racist shit being tied to it (I think I have other asks related to how, so I'll get into it more later too). this fandom is always talking about "nuance" but then works in extremes (and usually bullying) whenever anything comes up that could be explored.

anyways, here's my post and then compare it to this one

dismissing the topic like this at all and dismissing the whole thing, once again, as "fandom wank" is rly a choice. it's also a fucking joke and clear manipulation that the person who v literally *is* antiblack *all the fucking time* is using this as a reason to say that's not a serious criticism about her either. the permanent victimhood mentioned in every post never ends bcuz it's trying to get in ur head that she's incapable of hurting anyone.

all of this leads to more racial tension in the fandom and it's done on purpose so that nothing will ever be resolved. when u keep all racial discussions "other'd" then it means they never happen and ppl never take them seriously bcuz it's always seen as "not that deep."

there's never going to be unanimous support for or against most stuff that's talked about like this, bcuz when is there ever for most things?? we all have different experiences and opinions. but if u *never* talk about it then how does anyone learn anything?? how do u learn to break free of echo chambers and consider other perspectives?? (u don't and that's the point but that's why I'm underlining here why it's so dangerous to keep acting like this and normalizing it)

this fandom will analyze and make up shit to defend lestat or sam or anne rice all the gd time. unprompted. the mental gymnastics required to pull off half of that shit is insane, but u can't discuss anything else like that? u give all of *that* deep respect and think *that's* worth ur time but delving into fandom racism and all the ways u can explore loumand just by a topic itself with it....nothing to say there? that's just "wank"?? it's literally not even done out of a concern for assad's vulnerability in relation to this topic, it's just done to not disrupt the status quo of white fandom. I'm also p sure that main tweet comes from a black account, which should *also* not go unnoticed for why nalyra would post it and respond this way. this is the established pattern here.

[delicatelystrangepolice]

I said it before and I’m saying it now: Young Royals fandom only claims to be SO POSITIVE AND LOVING when in fact it’s one of the most toxic fandoms that I’ve ever been in

It’s very unwelcoming when it comes to the critique and different opinions

I understand the mechanism of feeling protective over the things you love. I also know that every fandom (every community in fact) is made out of individuals and it should be transgressive, and changing as it goes. The excuse ‘yeah, people on the internet are like this, there will always be individuals who are toxic’ just doesn’t work for me. No, individuals make communities and those communities can only work and grow when there’s enough space for all sorts of different behaviors and opinions. You would think that Young Royals fans would be understanding of that – always so eager to scream about social injustice. (I guess Lisa’s message that you can’t change anything ever was effective in the end. Congratulations.)

Last year there was a lot of lamenting: I can’t believe it’s going to be over after s3, what’s going to happen to the loveliest fandom then??? And then every time anybody tried to say anything other than widely accepted headcanon people raised and screamed: oh, don’t spread the negativity! Always in an exaggerated tone: I’M SO TIRED OF THE NEGATIVITY CAN’T WE JUST PLEASE LOVE EACH OTHER?? No, we can’t.  We can’t and stop silencing people because you are killing this fandom.

People are leaving (and left before) not because the show ended, not even because the third season was a fucking disaster, but because they feel like they can’t say anything other than lovey-dovey gushy mushy bullshit.

I understand that the critique is more accepted when it’s beautifully written and coherent

Tumblr however is also a blogging platform where people process things individualistically.  You don’t have to follow people who don’t share your opinions. Hell, you can even block them. You shouldn’t however go into their blog and write them mean anons because they dared to say something on their blog. (Yes, even if it was in your beloved tag or you saw that accidentally. Learn to fucking scroll past things) Your input that you think this particular person’s opinion is stupid and should be taken down does NOTHING to spread your beloved positivity. It only makes people shut down and you know what that is going to result in? A bland, weak fandom made out of people in an echo chamber.

Communities can grow because of the negativity

Even if the show ended, there will be people in the future who will watch it and love it and maybe love it enough to want to go on Tumblr and seek others to share the love. Among those people, there will be also the ones who won’t love every single thing about the show and they will seek others to share some disappointments too. If you want this community to stay alive and growing, there must be space for some fucking negativity.

Fandoms are often about finding your niche. This fandom, this fake fucking positivity almost killed the enjoyment of the show for me. I was lucky enough to find my niche but imagine if the people I found left before I got there. Maybe you’d be happy that I’m not here, spilling some hard to accept truths. Maybe you like your fandoms to be small and cliquey. I don’t. I found my niche because I wasn’t afraid to speak about my negative experiences.

Another helpful tip to some people here: don’t make personal claims when you are trying to argue with somebody

I’ve seen enough of ‘you must be (something negative or personal) to think this’:  ‘you must be too young to understand’ ‘you must be racist’ Hell, on one horrible occasion I’ve seen ‘you must have been abused to have this take’ HOLY SHIT. You on the other hand must not be as welcoming and accepting as you claim to be to say something like this to a person who was just writing about a fucking tv show.

I think it’s very ironic that people celebrate the ending of the show: yeah, you should leave the toxic environment if it’s hurting you and then in the fandom people are leaving because they are being attacked.

Yeah, I’m talking about a small group of people who do it. They are very noticeable and the community is accepting of them. If you think I’m talking about you then great, I’m happy you’ve read it to the end. My ask box is open, but don’t think you’ll change my mind if you try to tell me things about me. I know how to delete things. I know how to ignore things. I hope you can too, and maybe you can also take a little critique from someone who’s been in many fandoms before and never felt as unwelcomed and as uncomfortable as I felt in Young Royals fandom.

[eisforeidolon]

Curious about your thoughts on the lawsuit against Jensen and whether or not you think it will ruin his career and prospects for producing anything else. Of course both J's fans are once again arguing over who is better than the other and who is a more competent producer. To be honest I never fully immersed myself in the fandom and everyday I know why. Seeing Jensen fail seems to be the thing now and no matter how well either of them do people will continue to hate one or the other. Only the people ignoring the drama are having fun in the SPN fandom while others continue a cycle of my fave is doing better than yours. Hopefully Jensen and Danneel will take responsibility and settle this case amicably but ultimately human beings make mistakes and he is not immune from that. I like both Jared and Jensen and if they fail and make mistakes I will either let them go or try to be understanding and hope they grow and learn from those mistakes. No one does anything perfect 100% of the time. I understand some fans bitterness towards Jensen but sometimes I wonder what does that bitterness really get you. Even if Jensen retires tomorrow and is never heard from again I'm sure he would still be talked about due to his failure to thrive beyond Supernatural. The fandom experience should be fun but it doesn't feel fun when it comes to SPN. Anyway love your blog and your level headed opinions. Sorry for the long post.

NGL, some of this struck me really weird, but I'm going to give the benefit of the doubt and assume maybe you've just spent too much time listening to weird stan echo chambers.

The idea that people in general are going to be talking about Jensen's "failure to thrive" beyond Supernatural is just ... a take. Let's put aside that he's done several movies of voice work as animated Batman and pretend The Boys is totally a show no one ever talks about or talks about in terms of Jensen's performance on it. As well as that it's been only three years since SPN's finale filmed - not only do projects take time to develop often counted in years and more than occasionally get shit-canned when one of hundreds of factors falls through? Those three years have included the tail end of a global pandemic and now a writers' and actors' strike. Forget all that. It's still the case that normals don't sit around talking about what a huge disappointment the cast from, say, Friends are for not having super memorable roles afterwards - they're talking about Friends. Similarly, co-lead of a fifteen year show is a respectable acting career in and of itself. Only obsessed stans of one stripe or another desperate to make everything a competition talk like that about an actor, and again, nobody should take them seriously.

But let's move on to the case itself [X]. Immediate preface, I am not a lawyer, and definitely not a lawyer specializing in this area of law, so grain of salt and all that. However, the way our legal system typically works is that you can file a lawsuit for just about anything - whether or not you can prove your case in court (or the other side thinks you might be able to enough to settle) is the part that matters. Someone filing a case is not an inherent indication of meritoriousness to that case. I do not know the specifics of the laws regarding filming during weather - other than what has been in the articles about the case. I do not know the specifics of the weather on that day or what the production crew on the ground knew or should have known. Not all heavy rain is accompanied by thunder/lightning and bolt out of the blue is an expression for a reason. If the big players don't decide it's easier to just settle and the case is found to have merit, I do not know the generally relevant case law which might give me an idea of precedent in terms of which defendants might be held legally liable to what degree of culpability.

However, the idea that this will "ruin [Jensen's] career prospects" as a producer, let alone as an actor? That's just ... Even if the case is meritorious enough to reach a settlement or get a verdict in the plaintiff's favor? As you would expect if you know anything much about lawsuits, it names every defendant with any potential culpability. In this case, that includes Warner Bros, The CW, three additional production companies (not including CM), six individuals, and up to 100 additional as-yet-unnamed potential defendants (Does as in John Does 1-100 Inclusive). Jensen is just the one whose name gets pulled for the article text for obvious reasons. The idea it would be on him or Danneel to be making the call on whether or not to settle when it also involves WB and the CW let alone all the other parties ...

Which is not to say an executive producer doesn't hold responsibility for the conditions on set, that IS part of the gig - and why he, Danneel, and Robbie are included in the suit. But only a stan desperately trying to wish their fantasies into existence would look at this list of defendants and the circumstances where it doesn't seem to be alleged that Jensen was directly involved in the specific chain of events and be like HAHA JENSEN'S CAREER IS TOTALLY OVER, NOBODY WILL WANT TO WORK WITH HIM EVER AGAIN!!! IMO, I have doubts it'll even affect John Showalter's likelihood of working again, and he was allegedly the guy making the call on the ground.

I mean, personally, I think TW was a bizarre, ill-considered clusterfuck starting from conception, through prequelgate and the refusal to say it was an AU because ???, to current lawsuit about allegedly questionable set practices. The only way I could see it having any overarching effect on Jensen's career is if he himself decides to move away from producing, though.

[lordfarragut]

i don’t always agree with adum but he’s by far one of the most consistent reviewers i follow, and he’s inspired me to explore some of the weirdest and best movies i’ve seen so far, including enter the void, the holy mountain, and synecdoche new york.

i’ve taken a ton of inspiration from his bad reviews too, because there’s a lot to be learned about what not to do, but also the merit that comes from actually being willing to create art, no matter how “bad” it is. im really looking forward to going to my first film festival next year (hopefully toronto!), and i have been especially interested in the shorts and documentaries categories in recent years.

he is consistently a supporter of all artists and creatives, and was one of the first reviewers who really put into words how i feel about the evils of corporatization of movies in recent years. this feels especially prevalent considering the ongoing strikes and pushback against exploitation of actors and writers.

all that being said, i think internet culture and fandom has deeply warped people’s view of “The Reviewer.” If their purpose was to be an echo chamber for our established opinions, then we would never experience anything new, and we would never be challenged to view art from different perspectives. if we all agreed on the exact opinions and ratings of a single person, there would be a lot less expression in the world.

just something to think about next time u see that 6/10

[edalynn]

"You're right, except for this example where it contradicts me because this time I'm right! Obviously. I'm not digging." (covered in dirt) (shovel in hand)

Grow up, seriously. You think you're some sort of silent majority fighting the power of the shipper agenda, but that's only thanks to the echo chamber you've created by blocking ANYONE who disagrees with you! Including longtime mutuals even, just because they like a ship you don't. Even when they tag it so you can hide the posts, you block them for having too many hidden posts. I know "cope" is used like an insult tossed around a lot, but in all honestly you need to learn to cope better with the existence of a ship you dislike. This shit's nothing short of maladaptive. You're building your own anti-fandom around the fact people are yumming your yuck.

I literally cannot stress enough how fucking funny this ask is. I like that I can clearly tell you're the same anon that keeps coming back from the way you talk and the fact that you're bringing up me saying I blocked a longtime mutual over posting too much hunt//low which I mentioned almost two months ago now lmao. I know hunt//low makes me angry, but you must be pretty miserable to keep coming to my blog just to piss yourself off when- oh, guess what! You could just block me! It will never cease to baffle me that you guys clearly have no idea what the block button is for. It's for curating your own online experience, dumb fuck. Why would I want to see a wall of greyed out, blocked posts in the toh tags when I could just. Block the people spamming the tag with a ship that is triggering for me to even see blocked constantly. Hunt//lows really have no fucking empathy for anyone but themselves. Who the fuck are you to tell me who I can and can't block? You don't get to tell me what I'm allowed to block or not. What type of self-proclaimed god do you think you are lmao? I am coping, I have a small community of people on my blog that feel the same way as I do, I'm making the content I want to see, and I'm blocking the people I don't want to see so I don't have to be triggered and upset. If anything, you're the maladaptive one, trying to tell people who they can block or not based on your own selfish personal morals, coming on my blog only to upset yourself, and sending anon hate to someone that clearly doesn't care what you think about them or not. I'm gonna keep doing what I'm doing, blocking hunt//low shippers, and posting what I post. But, yeah. Clearly the people that don't ship hunt//low are the problem here.

[daenerysstormreborn]

I think it's always better to just do this stuff in private like on discord, but doing a screenshot with the OP removed is better than engaging, in the end no one is wasting their energy on changing their mind and seriously hearing other points of view on silly fandom stuff. Keep in mind if the post was in the tags though people will still be able to figure out who it was easily

Hmm yes the problem with doing this in discord is that servers tend to be for like-minded groups and it contributes to the echo chamber problem. Any server I’d join (and I’m not in any asoiaf servers) would likely all agree with me and that’s not really what I want. But I guess most people who follow me probably also agree with most of my takes so posting a screenshot isn’t any better.

There are plenty of things that honestly I WOULD and DO seriously engage with other points of view on when it comes to media interpretation, and my mind HAS changed on things as a result. But maybe you don’t mean “serious discussions of meta and analysis” when you say silly fandom stuff. Silly fandom stuff to me would be like “is the Tully hair color ginger?” because auburn is definitely not ginger but it’s not clear if true auburn is the hair color George actually had in mind when writing—he seems to have been thinking of something a bit closer to ginger than auburn. But the real application of that to the text is limited and ultimately it doesn’t really matter.

But something like “is Tyrion a villain?” or “who is the girl in grey?” or other things that take serious consideration and bear weight in the plot and major themes, I think may be worth discussing.

Really my entire line of thinking comes from realizing that I’d much rather have someone engage with my post directly as long as they’re doing it in good faith and not just mocking. It’s okay to disagree with me and even if someone doesn’t change my mind, being presented with an alternative perspective enriches my experience.

And sometimes people are just factually incorrect and I care about correcting misinformation and would want to be corrected. For example: I’ve previously (not on this blog, back on my main a long time ago before I even created this blog) said that there was no way George would consider a certain pairing that I find particularly distasteful. But I have since learned that he said there’s “definitely something there” and has ship art of the two of them on his wall in his home. I was wrong. Boo. And I’m glad someone corrected me. Likewise, one of my sort of vagueposts was about someone analyzing the show to point out how Jon certainly didn’t love Daenerys in the show. And well, the actors had shit chemistry and didn’t sell it. But the poster was praising the actors for conveying Jon’s true feelings. However, the script indicates that Jon did love Daenerys through to the very end. It wasn’t a matter of subtle acting. It was BAD acting coupled with bad writing. This isn’t a matter of opinion. I probably seem biased because I like Jonerys (in theory) but this is about what the script states. Whether OP didn’t know that or just didn’t care, it doesn’t matter. Misinformation bothers me. I just didn’t know how well it would’ve been received if I’d engaged with the post directly. A Dany blog popping up in the notes to say “hey, you are wrong” may not be very welcome because not everyone is as open to this kind of discussion as I am. Which isn’t to say I think they should be. I do think it would make the fandom better, but I also understand that some people just want to post what they like and engage with people who agree and that’s just as valid as my desire to challenge my own interpretations and opinions.

Anyway point is that I just wish it was easier to present differing perspectives without it leading to drama or getting blocked and I wish I had a way to know who is okay with being engaged with like that and who isn’t. Thanks for the input!

[highlordofkrypton]

I find this topic really interesting from a fan-analysis point of view, like trying to understand the mindset of where people are coming from! I also think it's a very interesting discussion if we look at it from a broader view of fandom culture and social interactions in our modern day!

Apologies in advance of the ramble, and feel free to skip/ignore this.

Disclaimer, these are just some thoughts rattling in my head. I'm too lazy to find sources, so!! It is what it is!!

Lack of third space -- This is important context for my thought. I forget where I first saw this theory, but especially in a post-pandemic landscape (and the rise of WFH, closing of many public amenities), there's been a discourse about the lack of a third space. The third space is a physical space that is not work/school or home. Usually, these would be libraries, gym, coffee shops, bars, etc. Anywhere where people could gather and decompress. After the pandemic, a lot of places closed and/or changed hours. For example, for me, my third place was a bookstore w/ a coffee shop inside that opened at 8am and closed at 10pm. Now, it opens at 11am and closes at 6pm + they shut down their coffee shop, effectively barring it as a third space for me. I used to spent hours at their coffee shop either reading, or studying, or writing, etc.

Online Social communities -- Because of the ^ above, access to online communities makes it the more 'obvious' third place. A place where you can vent and talk to others with similar interests. The problem is that people can easily cater their contents into echo chambers. It's totally cool to block and move on, but I do feel that for some people, it might cause them to never properly engage with opposing points of view in a critical analysis/debate type setting. This would lead to taking disagreement as a personal attack, as if 'are you invalidating me because you disagree' type of energy, which isn't necessarily true. Online makes it harder to decipher tone and intent, whereas in person, I do think you're forced to have empathy for the person you're interacting with.

Emotional Management/Development -- I think the anti/pro tags are great to help vent and express feelings that arise when encountering strong emotions towards a fan work. My caveat is that when it's used with a certain self-awareness. There are ways to express something without attacking people, but again, not everyone has that emotional self-awareness. The other point that I've found interesting is the projection of a lot of personal experiences and trauma. I don't know if it's because of ACOTAR specifically, but it's totally normal for fans to have attachments to stories, characters, etc. in a fandom. What I've never seen is the inability to separate oneself from the work. Again, everything is taken personally. I do think self-awareness is a skill that needs to be learned, developed and practiced, and some people have, unfortunately, never had to care about their impact in the world/people around them. I also think, eventually, people will tire themselves out when it comes to negativity. It's a way to vent, like an online journal.

Therapy buzzwords -- I also feel like with the rise of therapy buzzwords, a lot of people will use them outside of therapy or in generalized settings, but they forget how trauma comes in many shapes or forms. Again, lack of empathy and self-awareness. One person's experience should not invalidate another's, and I think it's really unfair to play trauma olympics in the name of proving which fictional character is better. To me, I feel like this trend is really harmful, especially for people who are still healing and are on the cusp of working through their personal things, but some rando on the internet says the wrong thing and just cuts straight through their progress, etc. Yes, yes, it's the internet, but it's never lost on me that there are people behind those screens. Therapy, healing, self-awareness are all processes, and I would even think that some toxic antis who project, project, project, and fight viciously are coping in their own way, but that's just my opinion and it's how I learned to let go whenever I see bullshit on my feed (even if it annoys me).

THAT SAID, IT REALLY ISN'T THAT DEEP LMAO

People can do whatever they want on their blogs, their forums, or on/off their computer, just as much as people have the right to block and move on.

At the end of the day, each person has to live with the consequences (backlash, guilt, etc.) of their own actions which is why I don't usually comment on the fandom culture, except if I'm feeling particularly motivated to articulate my thoughts and I see a post with interesting points (and the poster seems cool, which I think you are for bringing this topic up!)

OH, OH, and I do think it's healthy to engage in such discussions and debated so long as everyone is able to step back and speak without trying to catch the other in the wrong. Exchanging ideas is good. Disagreeing is good. Most importantly, being open enough to other people's perspectives is essential. (Talking fandom specifically.)

I’ll scroll through a blog and every post will be like:

“anti ic”

“anti Rhysand”

“anti Feyre”

“anti feysand”

“anti nessian”

“anti cassian”

“anti mor”

And anti every other possible character in the series and my only thought is… why are you still reading these books and making posts about them? If they make you so upset why don’t you move on? I understand wanting to express your opinion about the books/characters but every post is negative? Do these books not make you feel happy? Are there zero characters in these books that you like? I get being critical of things about the books and the characters but if the only emotions they provoke are negative then isn’t it better to not interact with them?

[x3rrorx]

Just wanted to say, I’m sure a majority of us in the fandom side with you. We just don’t really comment much about drama on social media. From the looks of it, many of us are so fed up with these crazy, toxic, and manipulative fans. 

They’re trying so hard to make you or others who do not side with them look like the villain with their vindictive lies they try to spew in their delusional small echo chamber. Their ignorant lies of shit wreaks and no matter how much they try to cover it, they can’t get rid of the smell of shit with more full of shit coming out of their mouth. 

They need to stop playing victim because they’ve made their bed, now they need to lie in it. They’ve dug themselves in a bigger hole and grasping at straws to get themselves out of it. It’s not hard to own up to your wrongdoings and grow from it. We are all adults here, but these people are doing the complete opposite. They are immature and this parasocial behavior they have is getting out of hand. No one deserves to get cancelled or harassed, and yet they are doing that to others.. the very thing they are crying wolf about that they don’t like being done to them, even though they are the ones lying and creating the drama in the first place. It’s very hypocritical. 

It’s sad bc the band is growing rapidly, and they deserve to enjoy all the success they worked so hard to achieve. This tour especially signifies a big milestone for the band and should be a time of celebration/excitement for both the band and fans to come together on this journey of their success. 

For these “fans” to let their inflated egos think that they are the main reason for Bad Omens success, believing they deserve to be entitled to more, and that the guys have to bow down to their beck and call in order to get their “super fan support” to “pay their bills” is absolutely mind bottling and crossing boundaries. 

Bad Omens music is already a massive gift in itself that the band is willing to share with us to get through tough times. 

I hope the genuine fans who support the band and actually here for the music will still be there for the band despite the very few who are the loudest, toxic, manipulative, and obnoxiously immature. The band’s music has helped me get through a tough time in my life, and that’s what I try hard to remember of why I still want to be around to support the band even if these toxic fans make me not want to go to a concert. I’d still be willing to give it a try and hope it’ll be a good, safe, and fun experience at a concert. 

These few bad apple fans are fickle and hopefully they’ll stop and just enjoy the music without creating drama, or leave the fandom if they can’t be civil. 

Noah’s personal life is his personal life. People can make mistakes, learn, and grow. For his ex-fling to try and crucify Noah now at the height of his career shows she does not genuinely care for him and want the best for him. If she really is trying to “move on,” she is not doing a good job of showing that intention. For her to brag about her personal business out there and answer fans with explicit detailed answers shows she wants people to know and frankly does not want to “move on” because she wants revenge by making fans think of Noah differently in a bad light to not support him. 

Again, there’s always two sides to the story and if ex-fling thinks a majority of the fandom who genuinely support Bad Omens for their music is going to believe everything an ex fling and her minions enabling her vindictive agenda says, is quite immature for her to think. 

I’m wishing Bad Omens the absolute best. The journey of success will have some unfortunate bumps along the road as they get bigger, but I hope the guys know it’s only going to go up from here. Bad Omens music speaks for them and their hard work to help others with the challenges in our life, and that their music makes it a better world for many of us. 

And sending good vibes for all the genuine fans who are old and new on this journey too. We have more in common than we think, and that common bond is stronger than the discourse a few try to create ✌️ 

.

[mrv3000]

things i've learned about fandom

◾ You don't need your ship to become canon to be valid.

◾ Fanfic doesn't need to be ideologically pure when it comes to canon. Or even when it comes to your own headcanon. Fanfic is not meta. Fiction writing doesn't need to be your fannish mission statement. (Unless you want it to be.) Feel free to explore ideas in your fic even if they aren't "right."

◾ Meta is not canon. Not even if the meta is from someone with a million subscribers. You're allowed to pick and choose your own headcanon, even if someone makes an hour-long youtube vid about why their meta is Right.

◾ The actor is not the character is not the actor.

◾ Complaining about a ship will never endear people to the alternative ship that you want them to prefer. Never.

◾ Likewise bashing that one character who "gets in the way" of your ship (or even taking attention away from your fave) is plain nasty. Just say no. (Fandom's own history is littered with the bodies of characters whose crime was that they were in the way.)

◾ Everyone has a bias in interpreting media. I do. You do too. Your "it's obvious" is not someone else's obvious. Subtext is always seen through your own lens.

◾ It truly doesn't matter if someone ships something that you don't. Even if you hate that ship. I can't tell you how much it doesn't matter. Also there is a 99.9999% chance that you'll never change each other's minds about how you interpret the media no matter what you say, so doing battle over it is beyond pointless.

◾ Online fandom can cluster into echo chambers, giving a warped sense that "everyone thinks [X]" when that's far from the case. Even people who ship the same ship aren't going to agree on things. (And really there's no need to.)

◾ Your fannish experience is not universal. Just because you haven't personally seen something in your echo chamber bubble doesn't mean it doesn't exist. (e.g. fans being horrible to other fans) If only I had a dollar for every time I saw someone write indignantly "I have never seen any of my fellow shippers do this!" in order to dismiss a complaint. (I've probably even written this myself once upon a time so I owe myself some money.)

◾ Which leads to "Curate Your Experience." Being involved in fandom should be enjoyable. If it's causing you real life stress, time to think about letting some stuff go, whether it's making yourself crazy looking at things you know you don't agree with, or even following someone that's bringing you down.

[greensaplinggrace]

“how could you ship Darklina knowing she based it off of her abusive relationship?”

By educating myself about the origins of this rumor and learning that it’s false! By scouring the internet for a time wherein she explicitly stated it was based off her abusive relationship and coming up with nothing. By finding only the most obscure posts and references in interviews that talk about how her relationship at the time of creating Shadow and Bone caused her depression. 

So no, Darklina actually wasn’t based on Leigh Bardugo’s abusive relationship. That’s a rumor.

It is also in incredibly bad taste to use a real person’s history with trauma as a way to harass fans of her novel. I honestly can’t believe the amount of times I’ve seen her history dredged up for an anti’s chance to “get one over” on a shipper. And I’m honestly appalled by the amount of times this argument has been raised against other, real life, actual abuse survivors who ship Darklina. 

“how could you ship Darklina knowing she based it off of her abusive relationship?”

By acknowledging also that fiction is a work meant for thousands. By remembering that any personal experiences an author puts into a novel are not universal. That every fan is different and will have lived extremely different lives from her. That expecting them all to read the same message in her story is impossible, especially since it’s one very specific to Leigh Bardugo’s own private life. 

By exposing myself to the entirety of the fandom and not just one echo chamber, by seeing posts about how some people are triggered by Darklina and other people are triggered by Malina. By realizing that the world isn’t black and white, that everybody is going to be coming into this with their own baggage and traumatic experiences, that Leigh Bardugo, in putting this book out there for the entire world to see, gave every reader the chance to see something different and unique and personal in her words. By remembering that fiction is not reality, and that reality is the people behind the pages and behind the screens.

“how could you ship Darklina knowing she based it off of her abusive relationship?”

By remembering that Leigh Bardugo actually championed the Darklina ship! That she actively supported it and its fans for years. That she baited a vast majority of this fandom into believing certain things were going to play out in her stories that never did.

By remembering that the Darkling is given his own backstory. That we see him as a child. That we have a chance to connect with his own traumas on an intimate level. 

By remembering that Leigh Bardugo made some missteps in how she framed the plight of the Grisha. By acknowledging that some people will see themselves in the Darkling, that they can’t not, that his character goes beyond Alina and his relationship with her. That thousands of fans look at this man fighting for the rights of his people, living with centuries of generational trauma, persecuted by outsiders and ostracized even within his own community, completely alone, and feel agony over the way he’s treated by the story. By acknowledging that the story Bardugo told was a damaging one to some who read it.

By remembering that the people in this fandom have lives and traumas of their own that they’re seeing in this book, in these characters, in this world, and they’re all taking away something different. By remembering that Leigh Bardugo is now not the only one involved in this story. That this goes beyond her. 

“how could you ship Darklina knowing she based it off of her abusive relationship?”

By realizing that many antis parrot buzzwords without any real idea what they actually mean as a means to scare off potential Darklina fans and actively shame the people who ship it, and that this rumor in particular got circulated by antis for much the same reasons.

Anti Darklinas grossly misuse terms like abuse, grooming, and pedophilia on a regular basis, and it’s actually kind of disconcerting. The way they overblow the negative aspects of the relationship and then twist or outright lie about canonical facts in the series is something people should be on more of a lookout for. Especially when it pertains to them creating content that could be damaging to a lot of people in the community and especially when they go out of their way to stalk and harass fans, purposefully triggering them.

Leigh Bardugo has recently misused the word grooming as well. It’s hurt a lot of fans and downplayed the reality of an actual, serious issue that many people face in real life. And because apparently none of these people are capable of research, the antis are now the parrots repeating what she’s said without any thought to the gravity of the situation.

So please, please, remember to fact check this stuff, and don’t believe every little thing the antis say. Not liking a ship is valid, respectful criticisms of a ship are valid, but the continued and exaggerated use of this rumor is just plain fucking offensive. Have some goddamn respect.

SO! How could I ship Darklina knowing it’s based it off of an abusive relationship? It’s easy. I just mind my own business and engage with the media/literature in a way that’s actually healthy. I don’t take the Word of God from an author who’s already finished the series. In fact I don’t take her word on much of anything, because why should I? I draw my own conclusions. I open myself up to new ideas. I remain confident in my ability to engage with the literature critically and comprehensively. I HAVE FUN.

[clemprime13]

Bruh Canonseeker leeches off other content creators who have huge sway on what's ok to say in the rwby fandom on here. It's agreed that users like Ironpines and ABonuslevel are fucked people, but Canonseeker is this exception somehow. They get to commission child/parent incest while causing drama that makes the rwby fandom look terminally twelve years old. You can see some users have moved their content away from them, while others still freely interact. I think I'm going to unfollow people, I don't like being in an echo chamber where everything is black and white along with the shows, and you MUST see things correctly in media and when interacting with the fandom on here. Seeker is a toxic influence man. Shit is gatekept by someone who fetishized lesbians for their own sexual gratification. Still gonna make rwby content, just burned up this month. Anyway, I have a question: What's your experience with canonseeker, when did you start hanging out? and what was the fall out???

Alright, here we go.

I first met Canonseeker on Reddit. Since I was solidly on the fan side of the fan/critic divide, he never came after me there. What I do remember was that one day, he posted a list of reasons why Summer x Qrow was never a thing. Fine, whatever. I know it’s not canon, but personally I like it. What I did notice, was that anyone who commented that did not completely agree with Canonseeker was relentlessly attacked by him in the comments. He was later banned from the subreddit for some stuff having to do with Fixing RWBY. At this time, I had no knowledge about his alt accounts.

So, I see Canonseeker start to be active on Tumblr under the RWBY tag. At this point, I had no reason to really be suspicious of him, cause it seemed like he had changed and wasn’t attacking people who disagreed with him. What I did see, was him getting relentless anon hate from what seemed to be members of the HTDM. He denied the various accusations, that he was harassing people, that he was using alt accounts to evade bans, and the like.

So, yeah. I defended him. Not my proudest moment, now that I know what I know about him.

So, then came Calxiyn’s post about her experiences with Canonseeker. And there it was, right on my Tumblr feed. Hard evidence that Canonseeker had been lying the whole time. That he had been harassing, that he had been making fake accounts.

So, not only did I reblog another post from another blog (who has mentioned that they do not want anything else to do with this discourse, so I won’t name them.) that said in part that Canonseeker cannot be trusted, accompanied by one of the screenshots from Calxiyn’s post, where Canonseeker admits to lying about his identity on her Discord, and making a second account and pretending it’s his friend.

Then Canonseeker goes and posts about how the user that made that post is lying about Canonseeker saying that they’re “anti-RWBY”.

At this point, I was fed up. I had defended this guy. And here he was, up to his old tricks, with no attempt to have anything resembling self-awareness or personal responsibility. So I called him on his crap. Told him that he needs to take a step back from the fandom and learn from his mistakes.

That’s when the trouble started.

Canonseeker started spamming my inbox, saying that I was spreading lies about him. I reminded him that there was proof of his activities. Every time I brought up the fact that he had been caught red-handed, he became more and more unhinged. Throwing up random screenshots from the likes of Judgemental Critter reading him the riot act, and others. This is part of his standard shtick, he’ll use out of context screenshots to manipulate. I made the observation that he was acting just like my emotionally abusive ex did when she was caught in a lie. He then went on a tirade about how I’m projecting my ex on to him, and am taking out my hatred of her on him.

Which is ridiculous, considering that relationship was over five years ago. I’ve healed, and come to terms with my emotions regarding that. I don’t hate my ex. I understand that she was a serial manipulator who would use people until they dared to question her, then toss them aside. Just like Canonseeker.

By that time, I had learned about his porn stash. I asked him about it. He lost it. Amid the denials, he began to say that I had called him an “art thief” when I had never said anything of the sort. (I have no doubt that he has already either paid someone to make doctored screenshots showing that I did say that, or made them himself. While I can’t prove this, it would fit with how unhinged he was.)

He then has the sheer audacity to tell me to stop lying. I responded by telling him that would be impossible, as I hadn’t told a lie throughout the entire conversation.

It was about at that point that he blocked me.

Oh, by the way. All that was over the course of two days. He was so obsessed with being right, that he harassed me for two days straight.

All because I chose to believe proof of his activities over choosing to remain blinded by his lies.

To borrow a phrase from Canonseeker himself, this is Csnonseeker. And this is what he does.

[gwendolynalbrecht]

Genshin Impact, Hoyoverse and the problems Twitter wont allow you to critique

The Genshin fandom is unique to me. I have been in many fandoms and some of them were incredebly toxic. I watched Netflix´s Voltron and engaged with the fandom. What makes Genshins fandom so odd to me is how hellbend they are to defend Hoyoverse. Even against reasonable outrage. To the point they demand you echo chamber every single post of any kind and never breathe out a negative opinion ever. And I dont get it.

Now personally I have this quirk where I struggle to talk about the things I like in media I enjoy. I cant meaningfully vocalize why I enjoy something. I just do. I like the look, the feel or the plot and I do just because. But when it comes to things I dislike in the media I enjoy I can actually go much more in depths and when I talk to people I want to have something to say beyond "Heh this character looks neat." I want to have meaningful conversations. But this fandom doesnt let me do that. If you like something and enjoy it you can still dislike aspects of it and if its a game or product activly being rolled out you should voice these dislikes in hopes of making a change. That is how I feel. Of course I take part in surveys but I also post it online or under related posts, assuming people are willing to discuss.

Instead I get pushed back and told to silence myself or go into a lonely corner where I cant bother anyone and I dont understand why. What makes Hoyoverse so deserving of this kind of protection. Im just one random as hell person. They stock market wont crash when I say their character design after Yelan has become stale, uninspired and down right ugly in Tighnaris case. "I like him." Is not a good argument to disprove my points. Of course you can like him, Im not saying you shouldnt! Or you cant.

But what has Hoyoverse done to deserve the defensive fandom? -Shit on their fans -releasing bugged or broken characters (Xinyan is still not fixed) -41 out of 43 characters are pale with only 1 new tanned character in sight -6 body models they are stubbornly holding onto (Itto being shafted by the fans obsessing over Ayato who turned out 100 times more boring than Itto) -A weird fixation on keeping the toddler body type exlcusivly female (Lolicon bait) -The Anniversary debacle -Exploititive publicity stunts -They are stingy with rewards, at least compared to the other gacha games I play. (You get 150 primos for clearing Floor 12 in the Abyss, the worst and most difficult thing to do in this game and you do not get a single pull for it.) -They make the game a pain/impossible for new players

The laundry list could probably go on if we get really nitpicky. But I personally am mostly concerned about plot and character design. As well as Quality of life. I will rund down my issues.

Plot: Every big event, usually the big event of the new patch, has a very important plot detail put in it. Recently in the chasm we learned what happened to the lost Yaksha. But any new player joining will not have that information. They cannot experience said cutszenes themselves they need to outsource to you tube, external to Hoyoverse. You cant even rewatch regular cutszenes without going to random you tube channels.

Character Design: I think the biggest issue is quite obvious. The skin type diversity does not exist. Neither does body type. Character design is strictly bound to 6 models. Toddler, teenager x2, adult x2 and kinda slightly more buff man. And thats it. Despite enemy models having more unique shapes. So models exist that could be used? Granted Im not a game developer so maybe that would be difficult to pull off. We currently have 43 playable characters with 4 unique skin types. Pale, 1 character with a warmer pale skin tone and 1 character with grey skin and then 2 tanned characters. Since Im not allowed to argue about representation according to Twitter I will just say that seeing the same stuff over and over again is becoming quite stale. Even for me. A white lady. We now got the Fatui Harbingers revealed and that seems hype at first until you realize that on one hand they are generic anime villains you have all seen before. And on the other hand Hoyoverses strict 6 model concept made it obvious which of them will die for sure. Which really shouldnt happen. Dont get attatched to Igor but Genshin, tiny elderly man is not a viable playable model, he is dead meat. Sumeru in general has no theme to its designs, even excluding leaks (though the official art confirmed the leaks as accurate) while you could tell if a character was from Mondstadt, Inazuma or Liyue you seriously cant with Sumeru. Tighnari and Dori look so unlike each other I would believe you if you told me they were from different games.

Quality of Life: The most obvious issues is the Artifact RNG, I think its the one thing we can all agree on. But also why cant we safe artifact sets to quick switch between builds?

Most importantly though New Players. If you were to join now and pull Kujo Sara off the standard banner you would get stuck with a completely useless unit until you finish all of Mondstadt and Liyue and some long winding quests in Inazuma. By then you probably already invested in more accessable characters and no longer need a Kujo Sara or you no longer like her because of the hassle. And maybe you think its not that bad. But it wont get better over time. Imagine the last region comes out. And you see the cryo archon deciding thats the character you will start playing for… if you even get her you then have her in Mondstadt. If you´re lucky someone pointed out the test run so you can at least get her to lvl 40. But thats it. Until you do EVERYTHING to get to Sneznaya you will not be able to level her talents. Get her past lvl 40 etc. Making your Archon a brick you have to drag along. And this needs to be pointed out and complained about or it wont change and lets be real here! Hoyoverse doesnt read our surveys. Its just a front to make us feel heard. Customer Service is so bad you are lucky if you get a hacked account back, though even if you do they dont restore destroyed or wasted currency or items.

The fix isnt even that difficult. Put in a traveling merchant who sells materials like Kujo Saras flowers. Hell put a buying limit of ten each week in and cycle it out each day.

Make a dream solvent type item for regular bosses. So you can transform the loot from the cryo regisvine into that of the electro oceanid. Hoyoverse still forces you to farm for resin but you can level your character at least.

I sincerely like the game despite my rough tone on twitter, but I am frustrated and feel unseen and silenced by a fanbase that rather die on the hill of defending a BILLION dollar company than admit flaws with this game. I just want the game improve and not be milked and lef tin the dust for other games. Because thats what happening. Genshin is financing Star Rail and other Hoyoverse projects and they put in the bare minimum for their cash cow to stay marketable when New Players are truely the ones most fucked over.

[nevertheless-moving]

Pop Star Wars AU: Waking

Drabble set in this au which I wrote way back a few weeks ago.

Back then, I had only recently decided to look up my tumblr password for a third attempt at being an appreciative fandom community member instead of just trying to think really hard at internet strangers, and maybe shout into the void a little. (But there’s like, several people here now??? How did you even find me on the internet? )

Anyway I have since learned how to spell Anakin’s name and insert links. Also that if you resize your window while typing directly into tumblr everything disappears.

Self Indulgent Crack Pop Star Wars Time Travel Fixit (star wars au no 3):

After several years of exile in the Jundland Wastes, Ben Kenobi had not quite finished mentally unpacking the decades of mistakes, grief, and failure that had led him to the desert. It was the work of a lifetime, and some days were harder than others. But after several forays in and out of alcoholism, spice addiction, and every other form of geographically-accessible self-destruction, he could at least say that some days were easier. 

The process was no doubt made more difficult by the abject solitude. Unlike the chaotic years that constituted the fall of the Republic, he had all too much time to think, and no one around to share his thoughts with. He closed his eyes in the dark of his hut, thoughts drifting between past and future. 

The past was as ugly and lovely as ever. The larger future didn’t look much better, but he could find some joy in the thought of tomorrow and fresh bantha milk when the herd roamed near. Owen was always much less begrudging of his presence when he came with an offering, and Beru would likely invite him to stay for noon meal where he would share in fresh cheese as Luke rambled about his plans to fix-up a junked speeder bike.

The thought of Luke’s happiness at the treat allowed him enough peace of mind to meditate more deeply.

He carefully broke off a piece of unfair-bitterness from his larger loving-grief. The bitterness he released into the force. The grief he turned over and soothed until its edges dissolved. He accepted it, now smoother if not smaller, laying it to rest alongside his hard-earned wisdom and unfinished poetry.

Tired, but fractionally lighter, Ben Kenobi drifted to sleep.

He opened his eyes to the first rays of daylight peeking in his temple chambers.

The room was intimately familiar. For a few years they were Ashoka’s, on the rare occasion she found herself temple-side and in want of privacy but not complete solitude. For a solid decade before her, the chambers were Anakin’s, though he was quick enough to accept the common room couch when Ashoka entered their life. And before that...they were his. That was his model rocket on the shelf, and his astronomical mobile hanging from the ceiling, and his robes scattered on the floor, though they hadn’t been arranged as such in this room since his apprenticeship with Qui-Gon. He sat up. 

Glad he had put energy into meditation last night, he used the lingering clarity of mind to try and work through possible explanations. 

Vivid Dream? No a quick pinch to his inner elbow debunked that, as well as the fact that the morning taste in his mouth was more the minty tang of denti-cleaner, rather than the saltiness of dried meat which he had grown accustomed to.

Hallucinogenic mushroom flashback? Possible, though it still wouldn’t explain the detail of physical sensations he felt, running his hand from the temple-spun linens on his bed to the warm-carved wood of his bedside table. He stood and did a perfect forward flip in place. Shockingly his knees didn’t ache at impact, but a drug induced hallucination of this intensity would have some sort of impact on his equilibrium, and he felt perfectly balanced, at least physically.

Force vision seemed most likely. Sinking into cross-legged meditation, he gradually lowered his mental shields. There was no whisper of Vader or Palpatine anywhere near Hutt space at this time, so the risk of reaching out was both manageable and necessary. Rather than the pure energy he personally associated with intense visions, he felt gradients of light, echoing ripples of emotions, and the unique solidity of force-imbued stone walls.

Heart beginning to race as reality set in, Ben concluded that he was, indeed, in the Jedi temple on Courascant. Even if he had suffered a complete psychotic break, his force sense couldn’t lie with such crystal clear detail. Confused unreality mixed with images of the past and future, sure. But this was the temple. It just was. 

He couldn’t make sense of it. Even if he had somehow been found, drugged, and transported to the heart of the empire, the rooms as he sensed them didn’t exist anymore. The contents were lost or burnt, the stone walls destroyed and rebuilt into a wing of the Imperial Palace.

Obi-Wan sank deeper into the force and reached out further, searching for he answers. In general, the force felt light, the shroud of the darkside was a hazy irritation in the distance, not a smothering blanket. The manifold wounds in the force formed by senseless war and destruction were absent. Also gone were the tang of grief and loss that he had begun to associate with the temple’s signature even before- even before the purge.

The temple was also full to the brim with tens of thousands of lights in the living force. He reached out to them incredulously, nudging many just to feel a living, sentient response. The last time he remembered feeling so many Jedi all in the temple at the same time was...well, when he still lived in this room. The nearest living force sensitive presence was achingly familiar, though notably and unquestioningly living. He could feel the presence moving nearer and retreated, pulling himself fully back into his body.

The only explanation that fit was that he had suddenly, miraculously, inexplicably traveled back in time. 

He half ran to his closet, opening the door with a yank to reveal a full length mirror. A once-familiar, 25-year old padawan stared back with visible shock. Of course his knees didn’t hurt, this body hadn’t yet been broken and abused by knighthood, war, and Tatooine. His hands examined the smooth chin, the unwrinkled forehead, and even the terrible, terrible haircut.

Obi-wan startled at a knock at his door, freezing in place. 

“Padawan?” Came Qui-Gon Jinn’s voice softly, “I don’t intend to pull you out of meditation prematurely, but is there a particular reason you were sprawling over the temple this morning? You startled me somewhat. To be perfectly honest, I think you might have alarmed a few people around the temple, I’ve already received messages from council telling me to reign in my padawan before he hurts himself.” 

Qui-Gon sounded more amused than reprimanding, and he paused, clearly waiting for an answer. 

Obi-Wan’s jaw locked up. What could he say? How could he even to begin to explain what had happened? He sank to floor, head pressed to the ground and tears silent streaming down his face. All he could do was offer to the force were words, the feelings could come later Thank you. Thank youThankyouthankyouTHANKYOU. 

For whatever reason, the force had granted him a second chance. Regardless if it was intended as punishment, gift, or inexplicable chance, he would build a better future than the one he left behind. 

“Padawan?” Qui-Gon knocked again, sounding concerned, “Are you alright? If you don’t answer I’m going to have to come in there.”

And all at once he had flipped back to not enough time to think and too many people needing his attention.

Obi-Wan managed to open his mouth to call out some meaningless assurance, intent on gaining more time to process the fantastical situation. Much to his surprise, what came out was a strangled, keening sob. Qui-Gon burst through the door. 

Obi-Wan realized, with a little embarrassment, that he was curled up practically into a ball on the floor, tears streaming in a shocking waste of water. It was probably not the most dignified, nor the most reassuring position for Qui-Gon to walk in on. 

Qui-Gon rushed to his side, pulling him up by the shoulders to frantically look him over. “What happened?” he demanded, “Are you hurt? Did something go wrong while you were meditating and you were trying to reach out for help?”

Obi-Wan smiled at the barrage of questions. He had almost forgotten that on the rare occasions when Qui-Gon’s perfect Jedi serenity broke, he became somewhat counterproductively intense. 

“I’m alright, Master,” he tried to say, but what came out was more of a croaking, “MNNrlerR.” 

This predictably, only increased Qui-Gon’s concern.

To Obi-Wan’s deep consternation, he was dragged by Qui-Gon to the healer’s wing. He remained quiet during the examination, not wanting to risk whatever was compromising his ability to speak. It could be readjusting to his younger body, or a manifestation of the admittedly great emotional shock he was still experiancing. Or simple lack of practice- it had been several weeks since he had last heard the sound of his own voice, from a certain point of view.

After finding no physical cause for concern, Master Vyr asked Qui-Gon to wait outside.

“Padawan Kenobi?” The Tortugan healer asked gently. “Your Master seems quite insistent that something is wrong. Would you like to discuss what the problem seems to be?”

Obi-Wan cleared his throat and was relieved when his voice came out smooth and under his control, “I’m alight, Master. I apologize for disruption. I experienced a... particularly strong vision when I woke up this morning, and temporarily lost control over myself. I’m already feeling more stable. I believe I simply need to meditate on what I’ve seen. My master unfortunately came in while I was dealing with some of the emotional aftermath.

“I see,” Vyr responded. “Did you experience this vision before or after your expansive foray into the force? I understand a surprising swath of the temple felt your presence press against them this morning.”

“I reached out after,” Obi-Wan admitted. “My vision was...particularly dark. I felt the need to ground myself with the presence of other Jedi. I’ll make certain to apologize to anyone I may have startled.”

Eventually he was cleared with the strict instruction to stick with shallow meditation for the next few days as well as a strong recommendation to seek out Master Yoda, Sifo-Dryfas, or one of the other Master known to experience visions. 

Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan walked back to their quarters together in a peaceful quiet. It wasn’t until the door clicked behind them that Qui-Gon rounded on his padawan.

“What vision could possibly have left you in such distress?”

Obi-Wan walked to the kitchenette to make tea, stalling before answering. “You have always told me to stay focused on the present, Master”

Qui-Gon frowned. “Yes, however this...vision seems to have altered you somehow. You are grieved by it.”

“Yes. But what I grieve may never come to pass.” 

It won’t come to pass. I might not know his every tool, but I do know Sideous’s biggest secret, and I WILL stop him.

“Will you not tell me what you saw?” Qui-Gon asked, sounding somewhat hurt.

Obi-Wan poured the hot water carefully, feeling torn. If he told Qui-Gon everything... would he believe him? Perhaps, eventually but...what would become of Anakin, still just a boy? And the moment he knew of Palpatine’s evil...he knew Qui-Gon. He would favor the direct approach, underestimating the sheer breadth of the trap the sith had laid (Obi-Wan himself lived through it and only began to understand long after it had closed).

“I saw...a great shadow fall over the republic.”

He sat at the table, relishing in the simple pleasure of pouring a cup for Qui-Gon and himself from a shared pot.

Qui-Gon cradled his mug in his hands. “I see. Nothing specific?”

“Your death. At the hands of a tool of darkness. You ran ahead...” Obi-Wan took a scorching sip to stop himself. “It was foolish. Unnecessary. And I was forced to fight alone without you.

Qui-Gon set the tea down to stroke his beard in thought. “Well. I have no great desire to die. While I make no promises, I will endeavor to avoid leaving you behind ‘unnecessarily.’”

“Thank you,” Obi-Wan replied, over sincere. 

They drank in peaceful silence. It was interrupted by a shrill noise from Qui-Gon’s comm.

“I’ve just received a personal request from the Chancellor to immediately assist in negotiations with a Trade Federation blockade around Naboo. Are you feeling up to it?”

“You know, I think I am”