#i have been. SO FUCKING SICK of my current workplace like I can’t even begin to express how badly

[seychellse]

Literally throwing up and screaming and crying and sobbing and moaning I’m LOSING IT !!!!!! ! ! !

[bomberqueen17]

make art or die

it’s a gloomy wednesday-- actually i just went and looked, and i think it’s actually sunny out today but since i cannot see the sky from anywhere within my workplace, i’m just assigning gloom to the day so i feel less shitty about that--

and this morning i was struck with this sudden like all-over-my-body feeling that if I don’t make some fucking art I’m going to fucking die

I’ve got two hours of work left before I can act on that so maybe I will, this evening.

Unrelatedly, but in another contribution to the current all-consuming malaise that’s either anxiety or I chronically have to poop, my older sister emailed the family cheerfully and was like “unfortunately, on no notice, i am irrevocably fucking up all family holiday plans, now and for the future!” only she said it like, cheerfully and without any apparent real regret.

The part that absolutely fucked me up is how she was like “but we can do Christmas together next year!” which like

that is not how this works, oh my god, this is not how any of this works, i have a very strict every-other-year thing with Dude’s family, and there is no amount of notice in the world that is going to make it work out for me to just switch years, this is-- Dude’s mom flies to California on alternate years, and this is a California year, and next year we’re with her and the other grandparents of that nephew fly in from Texas, this is how it has worked for at least twelve years now, there are so many people reliant on this that I simply can’t even begin to ask to change.

This is entirely because Older Sister’s mother-in-law cancelled her turn at Christmas one year for a sick dog, which like, that’s a bummer, but you can’t just swap in next year, you are not the only person, but she’s been giving Sister hell about it ever since, and-- anyway I discussed this in exhaustive detail with that brother-in-law last month while he was helping build the cabin, and anyway I said flat out in those exact words “i cannot change which holidays I spend where, it’s not something I have any degree of flexibility on whatsoever”

and Older Sister was cheerfully like “and maybe we can hang out for New Year’s!” and

i have an elderly cat, who needs twice-daily medication. Dude’s mom is the only person we can have cat-sit. If she is in California (which she is this year, that’s why it’s a Home Christmas instead of an Away Christmas) then she cannot do that, so we have to board the cat. The boarding place can’t reliably get her to eat her medicine. So we can’t really leave her very long; a week is the longest I’d be comfortable with.

I cannot spend Christmas at mom’s and then New Year’s at Sister’s.

It is one OR the other.

If we are doing new traditions and it’s New Year’s now, well I would really have liked to be consulted about that, I have a lot of considerations I’m going to have to factor in, and also I had already kind of made this year’s plans, it is mid-November already. (Sister had opened the email with “ah but we’re coming up for Thanksgiving!” which like. [that’s the fine grains of the thing, whichever family isn’t getting christmas gets thanksgiving.] Dude’s mother has already purchased food and set a menu because Thanksgiving is effectively given travel constraints next fucking week.)

I texted Mom about this, trying not to be dramatic, and Mom was like “did older sister not contact you first?!?! she said she was going to!!!”

No, Mom, she did not.

Anyway I spent all last Christmas periodically going and hiding in my mother-not-law’s bathroom to cry, because Dad had died suddenly four days beforehand and my mother had told me not to come home, so I did not get to see him before they cremated him and I did not get to see the family until later in that week so I spent the week of Christmas crying alone at home, and I spent a lot of the times I was hiding in the bathroom on Christmas thinking about how at least next year we’d get to do that difficult first Christmas together, and so anyway. Maybe my response to this is disproportionate but I argue it’s somewhat warranted, maybe?

I sent an email saying the quiet part loud and said I’d have to see what I could shuffle to attempt to accommodate this, and that at least since I don’t have kids it’s only me that’s getting let down, because YOU KNOW that is why everyone is going to think it’s fine to jerk me around, you just KNOW that’s what it’s about.

Anyway I cried in the work bathroom about it just now, what are you gonna do. This year’s theme is apparently crying in bathrooms.

(I was trying to send a calm, professional message about it and then get on with my life but Mom responded and it destroyed whatever composure I had about ti so guess what we’re just gonna Feel Bad today, and Older Sister likely won’t look at her phone until after I’ve gone to bed because that’s how her schedule has been lately and I feel for her, I do, but also, I could punch her.)

I don’t know how people with real problems survive them, I tell you what.

[clearcorona]

nuts and bolts // cyborg!bakugou katsuki x fem mechanic!reader

Bakugou pulled his hoodie further over his head as he checked the clock on the wall for the fifth time since he had let the woman with pink hair at the front desk know he had arrived. You were an hour and a half late and he could see that the others waiting around along with him were beginning to grow annoyed as well. He tapped his metal foot against the ground, concealed by the heavy duty boots he wore constantly.

With his prosthetic arm and leg being on the opposite sides of his body, he had long since learned how to properly balance himself with the weight difference, but having them be replaced with newer models was definitely going to take some time to relearn.

He had also several more alterations done internally that didn't exactly bother him, bit you always seemed to fret over those ones the most.

The door slammed open, startling a few of those around him. He lifted his gaze, spotting a petite brunette holding a clipboard, her face flushed. He had seen her a multitude of times from when he began to see you, but still hadn't quite cared enough to learn her name. Round Face, is what he called her, not that he ever really talked to her to begin with.

"I apologize for the delay, everyone! Unfortunately, (Y/N) won't be able to see all of you today. Her schedule is free tomorrow, if you would no longer like to wait out here," she smiled, watching as almost everyone left. Everyone except for Bakugou. There was no way in hell he was waiting until tomorrow. He was already there and the trip to your little hideout was out of his way.

Round Face looked over at Bakugou, looking down at her clipboard. Her eyes widened slightly before she looked up at him. He wasn't quite able to catch the look in her eyes before she masked it, clearing her throat. "She's ready to see you now."

"About fucking time," he grumbled, standing up. He shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his khaki pants, following the brunette through the free hallways that led to your workspace. She tapped her knuckle against the door, hearing your voice from the opposite side allowing her to enter.

Stepping inside, Bakugou crinkled his nose as he looked around. Your usual clean workplace was absolutely trashed with scraps of metal and tools lying all over the place. The room wasn't the only thing that was a mess, you were, too.

"Just the guy I wanted to see," you chirped, hopping up from your chair. You thanked the brunette, gently taking the clipboard before she left the two of you alone. "You know the drill already. Take a seat."

"What the hell happened here?" he found himself asking, taking a good look at you as he pulled his hood down. He rolled his eyes when he didn't get a response, hearing the slight tinkering of tools as you went over his files. "Oi!"

"Any damages or problems with your current prosthetics?" you asked, lifting your head from the clipboard to look at him. He took notice of the bags under your eyes and the slouch of your shoulders. You definitely weren't getting enough sleep, but you still managed to keep your bubbly demeanor intact.

Bakugou shook his head, pulling off his left boot and hoodie to give you better access to the metal appendages, and sat down on the rusty chair that creaked under his weight. You set his stuff to the side, taking hold of his metal hand as you got straight to business, but he didn't miss the frown on your face at the signs of the scars on his chest and shoulders. You bent the joints, checking to see if anything had rusted or was uncomfortable. "Your new prosthetics are a lot lighter than these, but I can't have you overdo it again."

Bakugou scowled. "Wheelchairs aren't exactly my thing and why the hell did I have to come all the way out here?" He noticed the way you paused, took a breath and stepped away, kneeling to check the condition of his leg.

"They've been on my ass lately. You know what could happen if I slip up," you whispered. Bakugou leaned back in the chair, a groan of protest coming from it. He knew exactly who you were referring to. "Plus, if they found out I've been helping you, I'd be in even more trouble."

"Fucking morons...," he muttered and you smiled, shaking your head.

"You did always tell me you'd be a legend," you stood up, patting his knee, "but I never thought you'd be a fugitive."

He smirked, rolling his eyes. "I'm the best damn fugitive there is!" He flexed his metal fingers, feeling his skin grow hot at the sound of your laugh.

"Yes, you are," you replied, bending his foot every which way. "I just wish that they'd stop..."

"You fucking worried about me or something?"

"No, not at all. I'm well aware that you're able to take care of yourself, especially with my little upgrades," you winked at him before standing straight, stretching. "If our society wasn't so messed up to begin with, this never would've happened. I still can't believe what they did to you..." You reached out, brushing your finger on one of his scars the stretched across his chest and stopped almost directly above where his heart laid in his chest.

Bakugou caught your hand in his, turning your hand gently so your palm was facing upward. He traced a familiar pattern onto your skin with his metal hand, a code the two of you had made as kids. Relax, he had said.

You managed to smile, pulling your hand away slightly. He knew from experience that your own heart couldn't take much stress and he only wished you would worry about yourself more than others.

"You've been overworking yourself again, haven't you?" He raised an eyebrow, watching as you turned your back to him to grab his new prosthetics.

"Maybe a little...," you admitted. "But I'm okay, I swear! I haven't slept in a few days, but that's nothing I can't handle."

The sound of your stomach growling filled his ears. Bakugou rolled his eyes, turning his head to avoid seeing the blush on your cheeks.

"Dumbass... You haven't been eating again, have you?" He stood up, adjusting his weight before he pulled the prosthetics out of your hands and setting them aside. You pouted, about to grab them when Bakugou tossed you over his shoulder.

Your shirt slid up, causing his metal shoulder to come into contact with your bare abdomen. "Bakugou, put me down, that's cold!" you shrieked, squirming in his hold.

"Should've thought about that before you decided to starve yourself!"

"I didn't starve myself! Put me down!" You huffed when Bakugou didn't answer, knowing he had made up his mind already, so there was no way you were getting down until he decided to put you down. "You weren't supposed to come here to take care of me... I'm supposed to take care of you."

"You're only in this mess because you're a dumbass and decided not to take care of yourself."

You knew he had a point, but with everything going on with Bakugou, you figured he was much more important than you were.

"I need to do x-rays when your new prosthetics are on," you muttered, switching topics.

"Whatever." Bakugou set you down in the middle of the kitchen. Your hideout was like a second home, with how often you'd stay late to work on prosthetics and make sure they were made to everyone's liking, even if you could be severely punished if they found out you were helping cyborgs. "What do you want to eat?"

"Ooh, you're gonna cook for me? Maybe I should work like this more-" you cut yourself off once you saw the glare he gave you, a soft laugh leaving your lips. "I'm only joking, relax. You worry about me too much."

"I do not. You're the one who worries about me," Bakugou replied and you shrugged, hopping up onto one of the counters as you watched him open the fridge. "What the hell?! There isn't anything in here!"

You pouted, crossing your arms over your chest. "Yes, there is!" Bakugou slammed the fridge shut, tugging at his hair.

"Nothing edible! Why the hell do you keep your equipment in the fridge?"

"One, because no one would think to look there, and two, because the cold metal keeps me awake." You smiled. Bakugou rolled his eyes.

"Why the hell do I keep coming here again?" he muttered.

"Because I'm the best mechanic in all of Japan!" You threw your hands up in the air, laughing. "And you only accept the best. That's why you're still here. You probably would've left a long time ago if I wasn't. I work so hard because I want to be the best for you."

Bakugou's eyes widened slightly and he looked away, running the back of his neck. Is that what you truly thought? He could never leave you. No when you stole his heart without even realizing it.

Not while your own was so fragile.

"(Y/N), it's time!" he heard someone call out, matching the voice to the pink haired girl at the front desk. You frowned, getting down from the counter.

"Coming!" you called back before looking at him. "How about takeout? There are a bunch of menus inside of that drawer there. Order whatever you think is best. I trust your judgement."

Bakugou opened the drawer as he heard you leave the kitchen, looking through them all. It seemed like you had ordered from every restaurant in a twenty mile radius. He hadn't even heard of half of them.

"She speaks highly of you, you know."

The blonde jumped, whipping his head around and meeting the apologetic brown eyes of Round Face. "Don't do that, you fucking creep!"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to. Has she always been like this?" Round Face asked, watching as Bakugou read through the pamphlets.

"Had already been what? Stubborn, immature and cares way too much about others than herself? Yes," he replied bluntly, looking up when he heard her laugh.

"I'm sorry, it's just that you two seem like good friends. She hasn't always been this sick, has she?"

Bakugou wasn't sure why he felt compelled to answer this strange girl, but he couldn't talk about you to anyone else in case they decided to report you, so he decided to do it anyway.

"Not this bad, no, but she's always had a bad immune system. She was in and out of hospitals constantly. It happened even more often when she began tinkering around. She wanted to help people, even if it was illegal. Even if she was putting herself at risk." He clenched and unclenched his metal hand, frustrated. "When I... When I lost my arm and leg, I was told she would visit me every day for hours before she went home to work on prosthetics for me. She even read a lot of medical books so she could install them and take care of me herself."

There was a silence that passed between them and Bakugou looked back at the menus.

"But?" she finally asked.

"But what?"

"I don't know. I feel like you have more to say."

"It's not important..."

"Well, it's obvious that you care about her. I'm glad she has someone like you looking out for her. She won't listen to us when we tell her to take care of herself."

Bakugou sighed, looking over a Chinese takeout menu before looking up at the brunette.

"She never listens. She's too kind, too naive. She tries to help everyone even if she kills herself in the process," he muttered, feeling his heart ache in his chest. Why was he even still talking to her?

"You like her, don't you?"

Bakugou froze for a moment. No, he didn't like you. It was much more than that. His feelings were even stronger than love itself.

"(Y/N), stop running! You're going to get worked up again!" Both him and the brunette turned towards the sound of the other woman's voice. He could hear your footsteps, rolling his eyes as you nearly collided with Round Face.

"Relax! I feel fine, Mina!" you called out, bounding over to Bakugou with the energy of an excited puppy. If he didn't know you so well, he would've never known that you hadn't slept in days all because you wanted to finish his prosthetics. You walked over to your client/childhood friend. "Did you order something?"

"Not yet," he glanced at the two women standing in the doorway. You followed his gaze, smiling at them.

"Are you two hungry?" you asked, completely oblivious to how Bakugou rolled his eyes and turned away, pulling out his phone. He heard Round Face laugh.

"No, it's alright. Thank you, though. I actually think we should get home. You seem to be in good hands," she replied. Bakugou turned to look at her, his eyes narrowing slightly. He only relaxed once they were out of sight. "Well, I guess it's just you and me."

Bakugou pushed the menu over to you as he dialed the number, waiting for you to reply with what you wanted before he called.

Once the food was ordered, Bakugou let out a sigh.

"Do you really think I'll leave you if you aren't the best mechanic?" He looked over at you, noticing how vulnerable you seemed as you tried to wrack your brain for a proper answer.

"Well," you began after a moment of silence had passed, "you always did say you couldn't accept anything less than the best. I couldn't have a little heart condition stop me from being the best for you, Katsu."

The sound of his childhood nickname surprised him, having not heard it in years. He furrowed his eyebrows, crossing his arms over his chest. "Why'd you stop calling me that?"

"Huh?"

"Katsu. You used to call me that all the time when we were kids."

You seemed a bit startled, shifting nervously in your seat. "I didn't mean to call you that. I remember saying how much you hated when I called you Katsu and Deku called you-"

"(Y/N)," he interrupted, eyeing you. Your shoulders sagged, finally letting your exhaustion show. "We're not here to talk about him. Don't change the subject."

There was a bite to his voice and you knew why. He didn't like when you brought him up. Not when he was partially responsible for what happened to Bakugou and your slowly deteriorating health.

"I'm sorry," you whispered and he panicked when he saw tears well up in your eyes. He had never seen you cry in all the years he had known you. You were so strong, much stronger than he was. It seemed almost unreal that you were breaking down right in front of him.

He turned towards you, taking you in his arms. You were so warm, so fragile. He would do anything in his power to protect you. "Please don't cry...," he whispered as he watched you hide your face and hold onto him tightly. "I'm not going anywhere."

He knew you missed Deku. Hell, he'd be lying if he said he didn't miss that bastard. Well, before he decided to abandon the two of you, at least.

Bakugou held you, watching you carefully. You didn't seem to be crying and the small watch on your wrist indicated that your heart rate was normal. You suddenly ripped yourself away from him, startling him. He missed your soft body, your warmth.

"Let's get those prosthetics done," you said, a steady determination in your eyes.

-

Bakugou felt weightless as you disconnected the heavy metal prosthetics from his body, staring up at the ceiling. He was currently waiting for you to run some final tests to see if there were no issues with his new appendages.

"What would you be doing if you decided to not be a mechanic?" he suddenly asked, hearing you laugh from the opposite side of the room.

"That's a bit of an odd question, but I never really thought about it. I just wanted to help you and other people who are in similar situations," you replied and Bakugou clenched his jaw. He sat up and you could feel the heat of his glare from where he sat.

"You should care more about yourself, dammit!" he yelled. You didn't respond, the tinkering of tools stopping as you completed your tests. You stood and crossed the room to stand in front of him, setting the new prosthetics beside where he sat on the small cot.

"My life doesn't matter." The blunt way you said it made his blood boil.

"What the hell are you saying?!"

"I'll say it once and I'll say it again. My life doesn't matter." Your tone was much more firm this time, your eyes narrowing as you spoke.

"And what the hell kind of reason do you have for thinking like that?!"

"I can't make a difference like you can, alright?!" you shouted back at him, startling him. Your body was tense, your face screwing up in irritation. Bakugou wasn't having any of it.

"What the hell have you been doing then, huh? All the other fucking mechanics that were helping cyborgs have been put out of business! You're helping them! You're helping me!"

You didn't seem to be listening to him anymore. How in the hell did you not realize your own worth? It went far beyond just you being a mechanic, it was several other things. "Are you not taking care of yourself on purpose?"

"I just get caught up in work. It's no big deal."

"Are you waiting for this fucking disease to just kill you?! Is that why you aren't taking care of yourself?!"

"Enough, already!" That shut him up easily, letting you connect the wires from the man-made joint in his arm to the prosthetic piece. "There's no need to see me after this. With this, only minor repairs are needed that you can figure out yourself."

"Wait a damn-"

"You have a whole country looking up to you. They only go along with what the government says out of fear. You and I both know the real Deku would never go along with what they say."

"Don't fucking say his name!"

"Or what, Bakugou?!"

Bakugou recoiled, clenching his fists. "Don't you understand? He's the one who did this to us! The fact that you even want him back in our lives is some messed up bullshit."

You didn't answer, connecting the last of the wires. You gave it time to connect to his nerves, noticing the way Bakugou's body tensed up.

"Try it now," you ordered, already getting started on his leg. The sooner he left, the better, in your opinion. Bakugou rolled his eyes, looking over at his new metal arm. It was sleek and definitely much lighter than his last one. Giving himself time to think for a moment, his eyes narrowed.

"You like that fucking traitor, don't you?" he asked, gripping on to the thin sheet that laid beneath him on the cot. He hoped you couldn't hear the disappointment in his voice, the hurt.

"What's it to you?" you replied, your hands moving quickly to attach the wires. Usually you made small talk, joking around with him until you had your next appointment. Your words were clipped this time, an edge to them that could cut him if that was what you wanted.

Turns out, you had already begun, the edge of your words cutting deep in his heart.

"After everything he did? Why?" Bakugou could feel a lump in his throat and an ache in his chest, but he wasn't going to cry.

"Love is complicated. You wouldn't understand." You finished connecting his leg to the rest of his body, turning your back to him.

Your words twisted, hurting him more and more.

He knew what love was. He felt it so deeply for you. It was a lovely, but awful feeling, one that could tear a person apart.

"If there are no issues with the prosthetics, you're free to leave."

"Not gonna get on my ass about overdoing it?" he asked, narrowing his eyes once he didn't get an answer. "Fine, whatever," he snarled, bending his ankle this way and that to see if it calibrated to his nerves correctly. He pulled his hoodie back on over his head and pulled his boot on to cover his mechanical leg.

He spared you one last glance before he left, slamming the door shut behind him.

This was the exact reason why he didn't trust anyone, why he barely ever opened up.

Why would he ever want to get his heart broken?

-

Bakugou tossed his keys onto the rickety wooden table by the front door. He lived in a poorly built apartment complex, but it was all he could afford as a fugitive and the landlady was in her 70s and could barely see.

A sigh left his lips as he collapsed into the couch, still not used to the weight of his new and improved appendages. He brought his forearm to his eyes, smiling softly at your handiwork. Everything was carefully manufactured and put together, not a single screw out of place. Above all, you had always been a bit of a perfectionist.

As he ran his fingers along the smooth metal, his nail caught on a small hatch. He smirked and shook his head. Of course you'd make a hidden compartment. Opening it up, he saw a folded piece of paper. Bakugou sat up, pulling out the note and unfolding it. He immediately recognized your swirly handwriting, leaning back against the couch cushions as he read.

You found it! Pretty neat, huh? Anyway, I hope you like it. I dunno what you fugitives would need to hide other than yourselves, but now you have this really cool hiding spot! Thank you for being patient with me, I wanted it to be perfect. You better not damage my work! >:( - Yours Truly, (Y/N)

Bakugou traced the letters you had written, realizing you probably hated him and these were the last few things he had of you. Just the thought of losing you caused an ache in his chest, but should he go back? Should he leave you be? There was no way in hell he was apologizing, though. He wanted you to know the worth you didn't seem to realize you had.

But would you hate him more if he showed up at your door again? He didn't even have a chance to say the three words that had been on the tip of his tongue for years now.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket, opening up your contact in his phone. He rarely ever texted you, but what could he possibly say? His thoughts were all jumbled, so there was no way he'd be able to get it in a text.

After several tries, Bakugou decided to just go for something simple, carefully crafting his words so he wouldn't upset you further.

You're an amazing person, (Y/N). One day, I hope you see yourself the way I see you.

He sighed, getting himself ready for bed. He highly doubted that you'd respond, but he kept his phone close by just in case you did as he showered.

Bakugou let the hot water run off his body, a memory coming back to him that he had almost forgotten, but it came so vividly, as if it had only happened yesterday.

"Deku! Deku, they're burning!" you shouted, alerting the two boys, who came running into the kitchen. Smoke was coming off from the pan on the stove, filling the room. You ran to open a window. How had they not smelled it burning earlier?

"How the hell did you manage to burn eggs? They're not that hard to make!" Bakugou yelled, quickly turning off the stove. They were too late to stop the fire alarm from going off, though.

"I lost track of time!" Deku called back, trying to assure you that the house wouldn't burn down.

Bakugou tossed the pan into the sink, running water over it. He then cursed as the sprinklers went off, soaking the three of you. "Damn it, Deku!"

"I'm sorry!"

They both froze when they heard your laughter, not expecting you to be laughing when Deku had almost burned your whole house down. They exchanged glances before they found themselves laughing along with you.

"Let's leave the cooking to Katsu next time, okay?" you had suggested, earning a nod in response.

Bakugou tugged at his hair, wondering why he suddenly remembered such a thing. Was it because that was the night that he realized he had feelings for you? Or was it because that was the day Deku simply vanished into thin air?

He stood under the water long enough for it to grow cold, and even then, he stayed there. He shut off the water and got out, drying himself off before throwing on a pair of sweats and an old t-shirt. He checked his phone to see if you had responded, frowning when he saw you hadn't even read it yet.

His whole body tensed once he heard someone banging on the door, quickly checking the time.

10:43 p.m.

Who the hell would be at his door at that hour?

"Katsu," he heard a familiar voice cry out. It was strained and hoarse, but he would recognize it anywhere. He rushed to the door, his eyes widening as he took in your appearance.

"What the hell happened?" he asked, his heart pounding in his chest. Blood stained your clothes along your abdomen, nasty bruises along your cheek and arms. He also noticed a deep gash on your left calf. He scooped you up in his arms as he noticed how unsteady you were on your own feet, closing the door behind him as he brought you to his bedroom.

You clung to him and Bakugou didn't care about the blood. He cared about you being safe.

"They found out...," you whispered, your voice shaking. "H-He came and-"

"Damn it..." Bakugou sat you down on the bed, quickly reaching for the first aid kit. He wiped away your tears gently, tracing figures along your palm to help calm you down. He wasn't sure how you made it all the way to his place in that state, but he was going to do everything he could to protect you. "Look at me. I'm going to fix you up, okay?"

Bakugou didn't wait for an answer before he got to work, cutting away your clothes from your abdomen. There was so much blood that he was surprised you hadn't passed out yet, but he could always blame that on your stubbornness.

"Get it off!" you suddenly screeched, startling him. You thrashed about, nearly causing Bakugou to stab you with the pair of scissors.

"(Y/N)! (Y/N), I need you to calm down!" He cradled your face in his hands after quickly setting down the scissors, making you look into his eyes. He could see sheer terror in your own eyes, tears welling up again, but your body stilled. He could tell how exhausted you were, yet you still fought the urge the close your eyes. "That's my girl."

He got to work on patching you up, talking to you every so often to keep you awake. He wasn't a great doctor, but he sure as hell wasn't going to lose you.

He began pulling your clothes off gently once he had finished, washing his hands before grabbing extra clothes for him and a shirt of his for you to wear. He quickly covered your body, moving out of the room to change his own clothes.

Stepping back into the room, Bakugou noticed two things. You had finally allowed yourself to rest, making Bakugou check to see if you were still breathing, and a small slip of paper on the floor. He clenched his jaw as he read what was written on there.

Turn yourself in before it gets worse, Kacchan.

[slightlyaggressiveaffirmations]

I feel like some people I know (including my supervisor and occasionally professors) don't understand that I sometimes take longer than other people to complete tasks or learn things (probably due to several of my disabilities). Do you have any advice for explaining this to other people but not making it seem like an excuse? My accommodation of extra time on assignments in school doesn't allow me very much extra time. Can I also request some affirmations about it's OK to learn at my own pace?

Hi Anon!

I have similar problems to you - because of my cognitive dysfunction, I am a slow learner, and I usually need three times as long to read anything. I am currently working on a research project for my degree that should take me one semester - but I have been able to negotiate much much longer - the initial plan is that instead of the usual 15 weeks, I will aim for 27, with the option for additional time if I need it. The reason: I cannot take in more than about 10 pages of reading a day, and that’s simply not enough.

So... let’s talk about how I explained and negotiated my way to this agreement:

1. I am registered with Disability Services

So, not every school has one, and it doesn’t help with a workplace, but essentially what this means is that I took steps to explain my situation before it became a problem. As well as registering that I need assistance (which I’m guessing you have done too - hence the extra time) I always speak to a new lecturer or professor myself after the first class. I say something like:

“Hi. My name’s Kate and you will have recieved an Education Access Plan for me. I just want to let you know some things...”

My school has rules that the Plan has to be followed, and the staff aren’t allowed to ask me why I need my special accomodations, but I like to be upfront and explain to them. Then they feel like I’m honest and trustworthy, etc. And I find them always very accomodating.

2. I make sure people see the effort I put in

I am a high achiever. At school, in the workplace, in my activism work, in video games! At school, I care a lot about my grades, but I also make a deliberate effort to be sure my lecturers and teachers can see my effort. I ask a lot of questions and raise my hand when I know the answers to things. I contribute to class discussions. I email if I am sick and I go to consultation hours and ask for help.

This means that when I need that extra time to finish an essay, they know wasn’t lazy or wasting time (and sometimes, maybe, I was!) because I have that track record of being a good student who puts effort in. I’ve even got a reputation now with staff I haven’t met.

I do the same thing at a job. I work hard and I make sure I’m seen working hard.

Note: You should not have to do this! I should not have to. Our word and a medical certificate should be enough. But it often isn’t, and you asked for advice, so this is it, sadly.

3. I explained exactly what my need is and why

When it came to negotiating this specific longterm extension on my research, I had to ask my supervisor to commit to much longer. That’s a big ask. So, I needed to be clear on what my problem is and I also came to her with a proposed solution to that problem. The clearer you can be, the better (which can be hard with a cognitive disability - but writing it down can help)

So. Problem: I can only read about ten pages or so a day of the kind of complex academic language this research requires. That’s drastically below the amount I need to read in the timeframe available.

Solutions: I need more time. There’s a way we can enrol me so the computer system allows me to take more than one semester, and I came to her with that information. I wrote a proposed study plan of how long it might take me and when I might have a first draft, a final draft, etc. I included what kind of information I thought I needed and how much time I thought the first few of these might require (Two weeks on Subject A, Three on Subject B).

I also explained to her how varying the tasks I’m performing helps me to keep focused - so I wrote a list of the tasks I needed to do besides reading, and gave her these too, so she could see how I’d help myself work better by varying tasks.

People love it when they don’t have to do that much work! If you say “Here’s the problem, I already found the solution, please tick the box that says you agree” they fucking LOVE that. The thing is done with the least inconvenience to them.

So, your problem: You need longer to complete tasks or learn something new.

If you feel comfortable, it will help to explain why this is. In simple terms, but not patronising. I always say:

“I have trouble concentrating, especially if there are distractions like other noises - even something minor like an air conditioner. I get tired easily, I can only focus for short periods. I fall asleep when reading long passages of text. I read slowly. Some days I cannot read at all.”

All of those things make up “I need more time”, but they explain WHY I need more time, and often a person who is just ignorant about disabilities simply hasn’t bothered to think about it and when you explain it like this, they begin to understand why you find things more difficult than they do.

Another thing I like to say is “Think about how you function when you’re very tired. When you try to read a book but you’re ready to fall asleep and the words blur - that’s me all the time” - that’s an experience that they can relate to, and that really helps!

Then you can tell them the solution: “It would really help if I had extra time. That would give me more time to read everything over twice to make sure I understand it.” Or you could say the extra time helps you because you can only work for a small period each day and therefore you need more days to give you an equal amount of work time as your classmates.

OK. In summary:

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with an “excuse” - it’s just a reason you didn’t or can’t do something and we shouldn’t attach negative connotations to that. But I know what you mean when you say you don’t want it to sound like an excuse, so ways to avoid that include:

1. Make your needs clear BEFORE you need them. (I realise you’re already in the situation, but note for future) If you’ve already told someone about a potential problem, it will not sound made-up to them when you bring it up during a deadline.

2. Make them trust you. Show them that you wouldn’t lie. If they think you are an excellent student/employee/citizen/etc, they will not see you as having a reason to make up some excuse. Why would you when you’re normally so diligent and enthusiastic?

3. Explain the WHY (I do and learn things slower because...) and offer solutions by explaining HOW they help (More time would mean...)

This was an extremely long answer... Not sure I could read it all in one hit myself, tbh! :p Might be pushing that ten page limit.

Good luck, Anonymous Friend. I hope some of this is helpful to you.

- The Slightly Aggressive Affirmer

[astoldbygingersnaps]

On Petco and COVID-19:

I’ve seen a lot of stories and reports about various companies and how they are treating their employees poorly in the wake of COVID-19, but to my surprise I haven’t seen anything about my company, Petco. I suppose it makes sense, given that Petco isn’t as large a company as Target, Starbucks, or Walmart, but I believe people should know what we as partners have been dealing with since the outbreak really picked up steam in the US. 

Before I detail exact what my personal struggle with the company has been, I’d like to make one thing clear: I am a hard worker. I have spent five years of my life--half a decade--dedicating myself to this company. I am both a dog trainer and a keyholder, and I take both of those duties very seriously. Nothing means more to me than taking care of pets and their people, and I pride myself on providing the best care and service to our guests as possible. So when I say that this entire situation is forcing me to abandon my job out of disgust for the way I and my fellow workers have been treated, I want you to understand how much that means. 

I love the work that I do, but that does not change the fact that I, along with many other Petco partners, have been exploited, dismissed, and outright lied to during this crisis. While I understand that we are living in a dangerous and chaotic time that is difficult to navigate, such a fact makes it all the more necessary to treat people with dignity, compassion, and respect. I do not enjoy putting an organization that I have given so much of my heart and soul to on blast, but the events of the previous month have made it clear that Petco as a company does not care whether or not its employees or even its customers are harmed or killed because of their negligence.

For almost a month our concerns have been ignored, belittled, and redirected, and the little action that has been taken has been incredibly delayed and led to even more confusion. Furthermore, we’ve had little clear guidance on what we, as partners who work in retail stores, should be doing to take care of ourselves and our guests. 

It is also worth noting that our CEO, Ron Coughlin, was sending out emails to Petco Pals Rewards members in the beginning of March claiming that stores would be instructed to disinfect and clean regularly, but no such instructions were ever given. We never received any emails or forms of internal communication telling partners on how they should be cleaning, and because of this my own store took time out of our day to develop a cleaning schedule and shared our template throughout the district. Again, this is something we did OURSELVES, NOT something we were explicitly told to do. So, if you don’t care about how retail workers have been treated, at least care that you, as a customer, have been lied to. 

From the beginning, there has been a very clear divide in how store partners have been treated compared to corporate/office workers. While corporate/office workers have the luxury of working from home with full benefits and are allowed to perform social distancing to the CDC’s guidelines, we are not so lucky. Again, I understand this, to a point: because of their positions they are able to perform their jobs from home while we are not. But such a decision was consistently framed as “difficult” and “emotional,” which, frankly, is bogus. What’s so hard about giving your employees access to work from their personal computer? And what’s so difficult for them anyway considering they’re not the ones who have to come in contact with the public day after day?

Through the second week in March, numerous communications were spread throughout the company on our internal Workplace service, each one more inadequate and inefficient than the last. The worst was a ten minute long video where our CEO repeatedly stated that “pets are our main priority” and described over and over again how we simply MUST stay open for our customers. It wasn’t until the very end of the video that any mention was given to partners at all. The entire post was incredibly off-putting and made me, as a partner, feel incredibly undervalued. 

What made things worse, however, were the comments under the video. Floods of partners shared their concerns and disappointments. Many of them cited having young children or older relatives at home, or were immunocompromised themselves, and worried about the danger that working in a retail environment put themselves and their loved ones in. And what was the company’s response? To tell these people over and over to simply “partner with their district manager if they were worried.” That’s it. No direction, no guidance, no words of comfort. Nothing. One person was even accused of simply not having a desire to work rather than, I dunno, A FEAR OF CONTRACTING AND SPREADING A DEADLY ILLNESS. 

The post in question (all names have been blacked out to respect privacy): 

It was some of the most vile behavior I have ever witnessed, both from upper management and lower-level employees like myself who were displaying an almost slavish devotion to a company that was so ready and willing to dispose of them. Multiple people stated they were proud to work for our company in this moment, which was utterly baffling to me, as I had never felt more worthless to Petco than I did seeing those messages.

So! Let’s talk about partnering with your local leader! (Spoiler alert: it’s fucking useless)

On March 15th, my direct supervisor and I made a call to our district leader to “discuss our concerns.” What followed was thirty minutes of our life wasted where we were told the exact same thing as we had been told via the Workplace post: no partner would lose their job for taking time off if they displayed symptoms or came into contact with a person who had COVID-19 (the absolute bare minimum, in my opinion), but they would be required to either take a fourteen day unpaid medical leave or use their personal PTO and sick time to cover the cost. Around this time I was both showing symptoms (dry cough, fatigue, shortness of breath) and learned that my fiancee, whom I live with, came into direct contact with someone with the illness via her work. The possibility of contracting COVID-19 was especially worrying for us, as my fiancee has severe asthma and I have scarring on my lungs from chronic bronchitis; were we to get sick, the consequences could be severe. It’s even more concerning given that the state we live in, Massachusetts, has one of the highest rates of infection in the US and hospitals are in danger of becoming overwhelmed. Therefore, I decided to make what I believed was the most responsible and ethical decision, and went on leave. 

Fortunately, I am lucky; as a full-time worker who has been with the company for many years, I have accrued enough PTO and sick time to cover the weeks that I would be gone for. But many people who work for this company are not so lucky. Many are part-time workers who are not entitled to benefits, and some are full-timers who may have already burned through their paid time off as it resets on the anniversary of your hire date. So now these workers, like many other workers across the country, are being asked to choose between taking care of themselves and their community or putting food on the table. It is absolutely inhumane, especially given that last time I checked our CEO is worth more than two million dollars--yet the rest of us are forced to worry about paying our rent and feeding our families while we do the dirty work on the front lines. 

Since I initially took leave, this has been amended, and employees who have been affected by COVID-19 have been given access to 40 hours of sick time, regardless of their status as full or part-time. But that only covers one week of the mandatory self-isolation period, meaning partners are still at risk of losing money. 

Time and time again we have been told how much our overlords value us. We have been thanked, we have been praised, and we have had so many meaningless words and tiny gestures thrown at us. Sure, our store hours have been cut and we’re offering curbside pick-up to reduce foot traffic in certain stores (my store, a smaller Unleashed location, doesn’t qualify for curbside pick-up, because of our size). Sure, changes have been made to the dog training program to freeze classes and puppy playtime for the time being. And sure, there has been a partner assistance fund opened to support partners in these ~trying times. I applaud the company for making these necessary changes and for putting their money where their mouth is when it comes to donating directly to us.

But in a lot of ways, it’s too little, too late, and so many of these services remain inaccessible to all partners. Hell, partners have even been policed about when they can actually utilize their own personal sick time even though we are in the middle of a global health crisis. 

Even for those of us who have done everything exactly as we were supposed to, we are still getting screwed. Currently, I’m battling with Petco HR to get paid for the first week of my self-isolation as, even though I submitted all my time off requests accurately, none of it was reflected in my paycheck; because we get paid by-weekly, I have yet to see whether my second week will be covered, but I suspect I will have to battle for that as well. As a person who lives paycheck to paycheck in one of the most expensive cities in the country, I quite literally can’t afford this right now. But, of course, the HR team is off work right now because of COVID-19, because unlike us they have that luxury. 

In addition to this, I’ve also been prevented from coming back to work because our Leaves Coordinator now claims I need a doctor’s note to return to work even though I have it in writing, from paperwork directly from the Leaves Department, that I do not, as evidenced here:

I would also like to note that I confirmed that I would be returning to work on the afternoon of March 27th and received an automatic reply that I would hear from a representative in 24 to 48 hours. I did not, in fact, hear back from a representative until March 30st at 11:59pm EST, ten hours before I was scheduled to return to work, as you can see here (again, I am hiding my personal information as much as possible to try and avoid retaliation from my employer): 

While I understand delays given that our HR and Leaves Departments are no doubt bogged down given how many employees are currently in the same boat as me, it does not change the fact that I am suffering because of their lack of action. 

It would be one thing if the facts had been clearly communicated from the very beginning, but as you can see that’s very much not the case. Instead, I’ve been jerked around, lied to, and, again, had my pay withheld. Every day I spend at home fighting with these people is another day of pay I lose and cannot get back. Words cannot express how terrible this whole experience has been. I’ve cried nearly every day and been so anxious and depressed I’ve literally vomited from the stress. All the years I’ve spent building my career and taking care of clients while earning money for this company and this is the thanks I get in return. It is quite literally sickening. 

Throughout this entire process I and many of the Petco employees in my area have been treated like absolute garbage. The stores in our district are running on fumes because so many partners are sick and/or on leave. Employees are running entire stores on their own and not getting breaks because we’re so short-staffed. One store in our district even closed down because a groomer tested positive for COVID-19 leading to the entire store shutting down and being professionally cleaned... and then re-opened almost immediately, causing even more of a burden on the remaining employees scrambling to cover all these near-empty locations. Our technology is over-loaded and crashing because it can’t bear the weight of our increased Buy Online, Pick Up In Stores (BOPUS) and curbside pick-up orders. It’s absolute insanity and it needs to stop. 

I am not the first person to say this, nor will I be the last, but the crisis we are currently experiencing has starkly exposed how broken our economic and social structures truly are. Along with doctors, nurses, and medical care professionals working in hideous conditions to keep the rest of us healthy and safe, the people who contribute the most to our communities are those that have traditionally been looked upon as unskilled and overall less-than: janitors, housekeepers, garbagemen, cashiers, shelf-stockers, etc. Very quickly public perception has turned, and now society as a whole knows what those of us who work these types of jobs have always known: we are essential. We have the power in society. And we should use that power to defend ourselves and each other, which is why I’m writing to you now. By shining a light on the flaws and failings of this company, I believe we can hold them and others like them accountable and demand better, because we absolutely deserve it. 

The bottom line is this: if you care about workers’ rights, if you value the safety and lives of your fellow humans, and if want to slow the spread of this disease that has upended everything we hold dear, don’t go to Petco. Don’t reward this company’s bad behavior with your money because they have proven they do not deserve it. 

[koholinthibiscus]

My Tumblr Journey and mental health

What the hell is this?  Where am I? What do I do and how do I do it?

You often hear of people getting to their 30′s and feeling more comfortable in their skin and just owning, accepting and loving themselves.  Well, maybe it’s because I need psychotherapy, and maybe it’s because I’ve come into adulthood in a period with huge economic and political upheaval as well as a pandemic; but I don’t feel that way.  I feel simultaneously old and young.  clueless about young things (like tmblr) and clueless about old things (like mortgages... even though I have one) 

I’ve deleted Facebook and use twitter sparingly these days so the reason joined this site is to purely vent.  To write my thoughts out and send them into the internet ether to languish, probably ignored.  But just getting it out might make all the difference to my physical and mental well being so I’m just going to give it a shot and see where things go. 

I feel terribly alone and isolated.  I have a type of social anxiety that you probably wouldn't notice.  You might just think I’m an idiot or a bitch.  You might barely acknowledge my existence.  I’m pretty average so I may not register.  But when I’m done talking I will think and think and think about it.  How did I come across?  why the fuck did I say that?  You think I’m a fucking idiot don’t you?  I will simply torture myself forever and ever.  And I avoid social interaction, especially with new people, as much as I can.  I can just about manage in a workplace setting but all my energy for this is taken up with that. 

I feel unheard, unseen and unsatisfied.  I feel a lump in my throat and a weight in my chest.  I feel exhausted and headachey most of the time.  I can’t bear this current situation.  I have a visceral hate for my country.  I can’t bear sad news.  I can’t cope with news that implicates humans as ignorant, unsympathetic, inhumane creatures.  I feel deep sadness at the existential threat our planet faces and confusion and sadness when I realise that barely anyone in my real life feels the same urgency and guilt.  I have changed my lifestyle (probably not enough) to try and alleviate the guilt but it hasn’t worked.  

So I get into things to try and distract myself; fandoms, stories, subjects, video games, novels and I feel sad about it because I feel useless “not good at it” or that they’re a waste of time.  I hate myself so much that my hobbies make me sad. How stupid is that?  I’ve recently been getting into DnD during lock down and watching critical role.  I enjoy it but it makes me sooooo sad and jealous that I don’t have a strong friend group like that who can enjoy playing DnD with the same level of fun, ease and camaraderie.  It literally hurts my heart and I’ve been feeling weird for days.  So I’ve tried to make myself better by consuming things.  I’ve bought a new set of dice and bought some unrelated books.  

I skip from one subject or thing to the next feeling unsatisfied and discontent.  I don’t practice things, I don’t finish things.  I give up. And I feel like I’m giving up at life. I am lazy and stupid.  My hobbies, likes and interests feel like a plaster over a gaping wound and was working but it’s not any more. Getting lost in a fantasy world just makes me feel sad I can’t create my own or be with a group of friends, either on line or on person where I can create together. 

I am petrified of parent hood.  I have an amazing 3 year old.  She is a marvel. But I have a constant dread of failing her. Doing too much, doing too little.  I want her to strive for happiness.  Take on hard things, work at things till she’s good at them, whatever it may be.  I honestly don’t care what as long as she enjoys it, has a passion for it and is ultimately happy.  I want to push her, but I don’t want to push her too much.  I worry about sending wrong messages.  I worry about not doing enough with her.  I do not want to bring her up the way that my mother brought me up. I am terrified of repeating the same mistakes. 

I’m ultimately a kind person who is trying their best but can’t unleash my true potential due to depression, anxiety and self-confidence issues.  I get so angry and sad at people who don’t follow the same ideals as me.  which.... isn’t ideal.  I can’t stand TERFs, racists, ableists, misogynists, right wing people, climate change deniers, ignorant people.  I can’t stand it when people think that poor people only have themselves to blame.  I hate capitalism and colonialism.  I want to change the way the world operates even if it is to my detriment as a white CIS English women living in comfort.  I feel trapped in suburbia where nothing changes and no one looks or is different.  

I don’t mean to fetishize certain communities with that statement and I reliaze that it’s probably ignorant of me to suggest that everyone is the same too, given that I struggle to interact with people.  And I’m not suggesting that I’m some sort of special flower  or that ‘I’m not like other women’ (eeww) either, I know there are people out there I would probably get on with but like I say, I struggle.

It frustrates me when people don’t feel the same way politically.  I think that people’s politics are based on their morals so I struggle with conservatives for example.  I don’t understand them or where they come from.  I want things that people need to be owned by the public and free at the point of access, healthcare being the main one and I fear for the future of the NHS.  Yes, even if it means higher taxes (but I obviously want the super rich taxed more) I don’t believe billionaires should exist.  I want universal basic income.  If the human race keeps breeding, if we keep suffering from pandemics, if we progress technologically to the point where mechanization is even more prevalent, we will not need people to have jobs.  We need UBI to level the playing field.  And I want a vegan world.  All of the above makes my head swim with anger and despair.  What type of world will my child have to endure when she gets to my age?  I fucking hope it’s better than this.  I can honestly say that I believe I am on the right side of history with my politics.  It is ultimately about being kind and humane.  But no... I’m probably seen as a soft SJW snowflake keyboard warrior twat by my family (which is why I went off facebook).  Even though I have a masters in Gender studies and a career in social justice work, but sure, I’m just after the ‘internet points’ or want to look ‘woke’.  I feel like not many people truly know me and if they do know all of the above and don’t like what  they see,  I don’t know man, that kills me.  I want people to think well of me. I want people to think I am a good person. 

I could yap on for ages about this honestly but it would make little sense.

I think I wanted to start this as a place to get my feelings down because I am starting a journey of therapy soon.  My sessions should begin in September but I feel the need to get stuff out now.  I’m having a bit of a shit time in my head right now and I felt like I would burst. 

I’m already worried that I will appear stupid and self centered.  There is nothing particularly wrong with my life.  I have a good job that I love but am also petrified of it and of getting it wrong so I self sabotage, worry and don’t believe in my abilities and I’ve been doing that since college.  (I need to un pack how I feel about work and my actions around it, I have a lot of thoughts, maybe for another time) 

I pick the spots on my face till they become angry red welts, I pick the skin around my nails till they get infected and then I hate myself for how I look, even though it was my fault in the first place.  I don’t shower, don’t wash my face, don’t get enough sleep then look in the mirror and see my greasy lank hair, baggy grey eyes and bad skin and I just hate myself.  Is this an analogy for the entirety of my personality? I am my own worst enemy and I need to give myself a fucking break.  Easier said than done. 

Things to unpack in therapy: 

My work 

My politics and how I interact, deal with people who don’t feel the same way as me

My child hood and family dynamics - It’s fucked up y’all. 

My Child

My husband 

My past relationship

The sick thing I do at night when i think about horrible things, like the death of my child for no god damn reason. (Is it punishment?) 

It’s frustrating being so aware of my issues and not feeling able to do anything about it. 

It’s probably an effect of lock down but I have been feeling really bad consistently for a very long period of time now and it’s exhausting.  I always have peaks and troughs, feel great to OK for sometimes a good few months then it just comes down on me like a bag of hammers and I feel like death for 2-4 weeks.  

I’ve been having those hiccups more often and for longer.  I’m so fucking tired man.  A couple of months ago a I had a terrible headache for 4 days, could barely move and felt tearful all the time.  I just thought it was a migraine attack at the time (which I very very rarely have) but I coincided with a particular event that I’m not ready to talk about (It’s really not that juicy it’s quite fucking pathetic actually) and I think it was a major depressive episode. 

I think I’m done now, I’m emotionally exhausted after reading this through and my throat hurts from trying not to cry.  Maybe this is the start of my tumblr journey maybe I’ll delete it all in a few days I don’t know.  I had to try something. 

[jinterlude]

What A Cliché (Prologue)

↳ story aesthetic made by @today-we-will-survive for the BA’s Summer Content Creator Exchange!

» Pairing(s): Kim Seokjin x OC (female) [feat. the rest of the BTS & OC best friend)

» Genre(s): Parenthood!AU, Veterinary!AU, Business!AU, Enemies turned Lovers Trope, Romance, Friendship, Humor, Fluff, & Slight-Angst

» Keyword for Event: Carnival 

» Warning(s) & Rating: Swearing / PG-13

» Words: 5.2K (5260)

» Summary: When people hear the phrase, “Well that’s a first...” it’s usually because something shocking or amazing has occurred. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case for one Park Sumin. Going from working in an office to visiting the local carnival, she had some rather interesting first experiences. Ranging from trying out some carnival food to questioning her engagement to Lee Seonghwa (AOMG’s Gray), never in her life did she think that she would run into someone her brain had blocked out for years. Can you say a fun filled summer that not only would change her life but his as well. 

◃ Previously | Next Time ▹

Prologue: Meet the New Neighbor

“You know…I have a feeling that you two would make the perfect couple someday…”

“By perfect, you mean that I’d want to kill him every waking moment I can get, right?”

“Nah, my precious little ray of sunshine. I mean that one day, you two will make gorgeous looking children to the point that I’m going to “borrow” one of them to pick up guys.”

A look of utter and complete disbelieve washed over her face as she felt her eye twitch just a smidge from her best friend’s remark.

And just as she opened her mouth to retort, an annoying voice rang in her ears. The one voice she took years of practice to block out him from her memories. Until that evening, she had long forgotten the prick that made her life a living Hell, but fate had an interesting idea of entertainment and unfortunately, she had become the main character of this stupid little sitcom.

God help her…

“You should learn to smile more often, princess! You might land more dates that way!”

“That’s it! Listen here you annoying fucking gnat!”

Eight Hours Earlier…

Letting out yet another long, exasperated sigh, a visibly tired young woman rubbed the sides of her forehead, trying her hardest to not only ignore the unbearable heat that lingered in her office but her rather extra chatty friend. The poor girl had honestly forgotten why she invaded her workplace in the first place. That was how long the rather one-sided conversation had become.

“Okay, Sowon, I love you, but please for the love of God get to the point.” Said the exhausted girl.

A tiny groan escaped Sowon’s lips as she narrowed her eyes onto her friend.

“I did get to my point, Sumin.” She flashed a bright smile further irking Sumin, “Now, I’m just rambling since I noticed you zoned out around the five-minute mark.” She stated, smiling sweetly.

Her bottom lip practically disappeared as Sumin suppressed the growl that brewed in the back of her throat. Did Sowon seriously ramble her ear off just because she tuned her out twenty-minutes ago?

If she had more friends, Sumin would’ve had honestly dropped Sowon years ago but alas, she didn’t. The career driven young woman had no time for herself, let alone go out and meet new people. She had always been like this ever since high school. She dedicated her time to her studies and a few extracurricular activities.

And that was exactly how she liked it.

She had seen her fellow classmates become a social mess. She had witnessed physical fights, loud, obnoxious arguments between love sick individuals, and that only scratched the surface of her high school experience and she gladly kept it that way.

She never dated. She never went to any of the sports games that were played at her school. Shit. She never attended any of her school dances, especially prom. Instead, she researched universities that had the best business program and weighed the pros and cons of attending them.

After days and nights of agonizing over which university to attend to, she finally settled on applying to USC because their business program was on par with those out of the country, and the rest was history.

Now, here she sat in her office chair while Sowon, who she met during her sophomore year of college in biology, stared her down. Her gaze intensified with each passing moment. That was Sowon’s superpower. Sumin didn’t know how Sowon does it, but with just one simple stare, Sumin submitted easily.

And quite frankly, she both despised it yet was thankful for it. It was because of her best friend that she slowly came out of her shell. She actually became more aware of her surroundings.

Go figure?

A few more minutes passed by and tiny whines left her lips as Sumin clutched important documents that contained hypothetical numbers of the projected money flow for the next six months.

“I can keep this up, sunshine.” Sumin heard Sowon taunt. She could practically hear the smugness radiate from her words.

Finally, the poor girl had enough. She slammed the paper down on her desk, unleashing the pent-up frustration that settled in the pit of her stomach.

“Fine! I’ll go to the stupid summer carnival with you! Now, will you please stop staring at me!?” Sumin practically roared, secretly thankful that her office was soundproof.

Sowon smiled proudly as she leaned back in her seat, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Done.”

Meanwhile…in a different part of the city…

Brows knitted together. Tiny drops of sweat trickled down his forehead. The sound of heart rate monitors mixed with his heavy breathing filled the operating room. This bright, luminescence bulb emitted this heat that felt like the sun was directly above the man’s head. However, he didn’t let it deter him from the task at hand. He quickly asked the nurse for his water and took a few sips through the straw before resuming the surgery.

“Sir,” The man heard one of his assistants speak, “Have you thought about the possibility of reconstructive surgery instead of removing the shard fragment?”

The determined man sighed before a small smile appeared on his handsome face.

“I have thought about it, but that would be the effortless way out. This innocent creature doesn’t deserve something that would only complicate her life some more, “He paused, wiping away a bit of sweat from the side of his forehead, “Besides, I think of this a big “fuck you” to that evil, cruel person that could harm a defenseless puppy. I’m going to save her if this is the last thing I do.” He finished with this sense of purpose flowing throughout his veins as he resumed operating on the puppy, praying that he wasn’t too late.

But luckily…

He wasn’t…

It took him the rest of the day to the point that he had his receptionist unfortunately cancel the remaining appointments, but he saved the puppy’s life. The last shard fragment was wedged in an area where one false movement with his knife and tweezers, the puppy would've died right on the operating table. That specific situation had been every veterinarian’s nightmare, but just like with any nightmare, it sometimes fades away and soon replaced with a relaxing dream. A dream where resulted in this state of euphoria and great night’s sleep. That was why he took this job as a veterinarian. He wanted to ensure that the animals that came into his office left with a peaceful state of mind.

And so far, so good. His track record remained spotless. He could now go home with a bright smile knowing that he saved yet another brutally injured animal.

Currently sitting in his office, the tired yet happy veterinarian typed out something in the body of the email message. He muttered a few words as he read his paragraph repeatedly until it sounded right.

The sounds of clicking of the keyboard bounced of the four walls until this knock joined in.

“Come in.” He said quickly.

“Hey, Seokjin!” greeted the stranger cheerfully.

Seokjin’s eyebrows raised as he peeked around his computer monitor. He knew that voice, and that particular voice didn’t usually visit his office unless the person wanted something.

His eyes flickered back to the screen as his fingers resumed typing away, hoping that this email would be sent out before 7 o’clock in the evening.

“What do you want, Jungkook? Can’t you see that I’m busy?”

Jungkook chuckled, shaking his head as he flopped down on the chair in front of his friend’s desk.

“Yeah, I can see that. I’m not blind…well…not yet.”

Seokjin snorted, “I’m honestly surprised that you’re not actually. All those years of playing video games with the lights off,” He pushed up his glasses just a bit, “Guess I wasn’t blessed with a strong eyesight to begin with.” He said; the corners of his mouth turned slightly upwards.

Jungkook playfully clicked his tongue, “Yeah. I guess not,” A short chuckle left his lips, “But, I was wondering if you wanted to come with me and the rest of the fellas to the summer carnival that’s currently in town?” He asked, flashing Seokjin an overly sweetly smile combined with his signature innocent, charming gaze. One gaze like that and his older friends were practically putty in his hands. It came in handy during their high school years. Well…up until his sophomore year…his friends graduated one by one, so he had no one left to use it on.

Sad day in the life that was Jeon Jungkook.

“You do realize that this isn’t high school, and I’m not this 18-year-old teen that you can easily manipulate, Kook.” Seokjin stated bluntly, fully aware of his purely innocent “stare”. He didn’t even to peer over his computer screen to know. Jungkook’s tone of voice gave it away.

Though, that didn’t deter the young lad. It was rare for all seven of them to be in town for the summer, so he wanted to cherish it. As soon as Seokjin graduated high school, everyone just went their separate ways. Sure, they had their group chat that had constant activity whether it was from someone sending random memes or simply asking how their day was. But it just wasn’t the same.

Even though his friends didn’t know this, Jungkook needed them. He couldn’t quite establish a bond that matched the one he shared with Seokjin and the rest of his little motley crew.

They were definitely one of a kind…

“What’s with that smile, Kook? Last time you smiled like that it was because you found a lamb skewer stand with Yoongi.” Seokjin’s voice forcibly pulled Jungkook out of his peaceful thoughts.

“Oh, this smile?” He pointed at his lips, “It’s nothing…say…when is that little ray of sunshine coming by?” Jungkook asked vaguely, drawing out his sentence.

Seokjin hummed in response as his eyes scanned the last remaining sentences of his email. He could see the light at the end of the tunnel.

“Oh, according to her mother, she’s dropping off Areum this evening,” He quickly checks his phone, scrolling through his messages from his ex-wife, “Around 9 o’clock in the evening.” He announced, locking his phone once again.

Jungkook gasped; his eyes beamed from excitement. This was perfect. He and friends could spend a few hours at the carnival and then hang out with their “niece”.

“So, you’re telling me that you have time for the carnival?”

“I guess I am Kook…”

“Perfect! I’ll let the fellas know!”

“Don’t let me regret this…”

“When I have ever done something that you’d regret?”

“I can name a few things…”

At the Summer Carnival – 7 o’clock in the evening

Walking down the busy row of stands, Sumin’s eyes remained glued on her phone. Her brows furrowed as her thumb scrolled up while she read the contents of an email that she had received minutes before arriving to the carnival. Soft mutters left her lips as she homed in on an incredibly important section of the email. She reread the same two sentences twice before this unsettling, heavy sensation settled within the pit of her stomach.

The color practically drained from her face. Her breath hitched. She halted in her steps, ignoring the grumbles of the many bystanders that were forced to go around her.

A low groan escaped her as she immediately locked her phone and shoved it in her back pocket. Did she really want to be at this stupid carnival? She needed to be back in the office and working on soothing this rather extreme angry client, that was “miraculously” bestowed upon her thanks to her supervisor. Why was she even here again?

“Sumin! Check out this stand, they have those churros that you’re basically obsessed with!” She heard Sowon shout with glee, waving her arms sporadically.

Oh…

That was right…

She was here because of her dearest friend…

“I think I’m going to call it, Sowon. I have to get up pretty early tomorrow, and—”

“No ‘and’. I know that look on your face, my little sunshine, and I’m not completely oblivious. I saw you on your phone and your eyes widened with each passing second.” Sowon interrupted, leaving her spot in the line and walking up to her completely distressed friend, “Which means in the world of Sumin, you’re extremely stressed and about to leave this relaxing sister-date to head back to the office and work on something that can honestly wait until tomorrow morning.” Sowon finished, smiling brightly. “Did I hit it right on the nail, my soft princess?” She added; her smile grew wider.

Sumin made a face; her eyes narrowed on her smug friend.

“I hate it when you do that…”

“I know you do…”

Meanwhile, while one crisis was averted, on the other side of the carnival, two fellas bickered over the last game ticket while their mutual friends watched both sides make excellent arguments on why he deserved the last game ticket. The only thing they missed, to make this verbal battle amusing, was some carnival snacks.

Stuffing his hands in the pockets of his black jacket, a gentleman with black-rimmed glasses and faded silver hair – that was swooped to the right – leaned against the wall; an amused smile painted his lips.

“Are you going to stop them, Namjoon?” asked a young man with chestnut brown hair. His eyes sparkled with such innocence that many people forget that he was indeed in his mid-twenties.

“Nah. They’re fine Jimin. Besides, remember the last time we intervened on an infamous Seokjin-Jungkook argument?” Namjoon replied, shooting Jimin a knowing look. But just as Jimin opened his mouth to answer, someone else beat him to the punch.

“Oh, that was a fun evening!” shouted a cheery voice; a few chuckles escaped him. “They turned their wrath onto us, and even told Yoongi to shut up.” A sigh of content left his lips this time as he folded his hands and rested his head against the palms, “What a memorable evening.”

Namjoon nodded in agreement as he turned his attention towards a paler looking fella.

“I was honestly surprised that Jungkook told you to shut up, Yoongs.”

Yoongi pried one eye open, having checked out of Jungkook’s and Seokjin’s marital bickering thirty minutes prior.

With a lazy voice, he said, “That boy is lucky for not fearing me.”

“After being friends with you for so long, none of us fear you, my dude.” Chimed in the same cheery voice that spoke earlier.

“Hm. I guess I’m losing my charm, Hoseok.” Yoongi shrugged, shutting his eyes closed again. One of the many “joys” of being your own boss. He didn’t have a set work shift.

Hoseok beamed; his smile could light up any dark alleyway, before adverting his attention back to Seokjin and Jungkook, who still refused to back down.

Two hours had passed and not only did the bickering duo slowly ran out of the counterarguments, but their friends were extremely bored and wanted to enjoy what was left of the carnival.

Finally fed up, Namjoon pushed off from the wall and then walked up to Seokjin and Jungkook, pulling out his wallet as he closed the gap between their bodies.

“Tell you what,” He began fishing out a few bills, “Take my money and buy you guys some more damn tickets, so you guys can finally shut the fuck up.” Namjoon stated bluntly before slapping the bills in both Seokjin’s and Jungkook’s hands, knowingly hurting them in the process. He then walked away from them, gesturing for their buddies to follow him.

They were determined to enjoy the carnival before it closed for the night.

As their closest friends walked away, slowly disappearing from their line of sight, the squabbling duo turned to each other; this mischievous gleam sparkled in their eyes accompanied with this scheming smirk.

“That took longer than expected.” Jungkook laughed, flinging an arm around Seokjin’s broad shoulders.

Seokjin chuckled in response as he allowed Jungkook to direct him to the nearest game stand.

“I know, right? We must be losing our touch since before, Namjoon usually settled our “arguments” in less than an hour.” He stated as his eyes scanned the prizes at the booth. His lips pursed while his brows became knitted together as Seokjin contemplated which prize would Areum love the most.

This faint hum exited his lips as his eyes drifted between a huge stuffed alpaca and a huge stuffed panda bear. Then, after much deliberation, he finally settled on the alpaca since she loved to remind him that whenever he ate, he looked like a happy alpaca, especially whenever he munched on a salad. He could honestly hear her faint giggles in the back of his mind.

God, he would do anything for his daughter. She had him wrapped around her dainty pinky finger.

With a determined smile, he slammed down a few dollar bills and waited to be handed some darts.

“Alright, prepare to be amazed, Kook.”

Back with the ladies, who now held onto plates with delicious carnival food, they journeyed towards the exit, talking about everything and anything that came to mind. Ranging from the topic of their love lives – or lack thereof – to the ever so fun work politics that occurred during their daily lives. However, the most popular topic was their time in high school. While, yes, they went to two different schools, they loved hearing about the other’s experience. Hearing such stories made the other feel like she was there as well.

“So, whatever happened to the guy that stupidly stood you up at homecoming, Sowon?”

“Beats me. All I know is that he asked for me at my school’s little reunion event. From what an old friend told me, the way he asked was very creepy. Borderline stalkerish if you ask me.”

Sumin shuddered, “Things like that makes me glad that I didn’t have a social life in high school.”

Sowon chuckled softly as she quickly tossed her empty, Styrofoam plate and jogged back to Sumin.

“Yeah, but it is because of said social life that I know who my loyal friends are and know how to handle myself in certain situations.” She pointed out with a knowing gleam in her eyes.

Sumin rolled her eyes in response, signaling Sowon that she had won that argument.

“Let’s get you home, princess. I believe it is passed your bedtime.”

“What are you? My mom?”

“I might as well be, Min.”

Sowon then flung her arms around Sumin’s shoulders as the two ladies head for Sowon’s car and begin their journey to Sumin’s place.

Faint muffles filled the spacious car as flashes of light illuminated the darkness every other minute. Resting her chin on the palm of her hand, Sumin stared absentmindedly out the window; her eyes focused on the happy couples. Each face painted with the brightest and most loving smile ever to grace them.

Soon, a soft sigh escaped her as she pried her eyes away from the window. Though, while she no longer saw them, her mind was filled with thoughts of them. Thoughts of envy? Longing? That had been yet to be determined.

Which was strange to her as for the obvious fact that she too was in a relationship.

But…

“I just now realized that you are not wearing your luxurious engagement ring that Seonghwa gave you, Min.” Sowon’s voice broke into her cloudy thoughts.

Sumin’s eyes trailed down, landing on her empty left ring finger.

“I knew I forgot something.” She lied, faking a playful smile.

But Sowon knew better.

“Is everything alright?” She asked as she slowed the car to stop as the traffic light went from yellow to red.

Sounds of the turn signal cut through the awkward silence. Sumin hoped that the light would turn green so that she’d be closer to home but alas, it wasn’t the case. This was a timed light, and the timing of it was abnormally long for a traffic light.

She could stall, but that would only annoy Sowon, so why should Sumin even try? Her closest and dearest friend wasn’t stupid. If anything, she wouldn’t be surprised if Sowon knew that she was thinking of backing out of the wedding.

“Do I want to get married, Sowon?” asked Sumin, phrasing her question a bit oddly.

Sowon raised a brow as she shifted her foot from the brake pedal to the gas pedal, lightly pressing as she turned on to the street where Sumin’s house resided at. A house where she lived with her doting fiancé.

The poor girl looked unsure how to answer such a question. If it was a question that asked her if she wanted to get married, then the answer would be plain and simple. No. No she didn’t want to get married or at least, not right now. She so much desired to live her twenties to the fullest. Then, once it was time, she would gladly settle down with the right person.

And yet with Sumin? Sowon was quite surprised that she was having doubts. Out of the two them, Sumin would be happily married first with kiddos running amuck and then Aunty Sowon would help wrangle them and/or create more chaos for their parents.

But with this sudden 180, Sowon grew even more confused.

Did she have to kill Seonghwa? Because she totally would. No one was allowed to hurt Sumin under her watch.

No one.

Pursing her lips, Sowon hummed in response, as she pulled up to Sumin’s driveway, where both Sumin’s and her fiancé’s car were currently parked.

Before finally answering, Sowon killed the engine, and the two girls now sat in complete and utter silence.

“Alright, to answer your question, I know that you want to get married, however, is it to Seonghwa? Only you can answer that, love. But you did say yes to him for a reason, so that has to mean something, right?”

Sumin sighed heavily; her shoulders slumped just a bit.

“I did, I mean don’t get me wrong, I do love him with all my heart but—”

“But you don't know if it’s enough to meet him at the altar, correct?”

Instead of answering, Sumin gave Sowon a thumb’s up before exiting the vehicle and as she stepped out, a car pulled up to her neighbor’s driveway. A neighbor who she had never seen since their schedules always had them missing one another by a split second, so this was a first. Well, overall, this night was filled with firsts, so this wasn’t too much of a shock factor.

Seconds later, Sowon too exited the vehicle, shutting the door and alarming it. She then leaned against the door; curiosity slowly bested her as she noticed Sumin’s body language tense just a smidge.

“You alright there, sunshine?!” She hollered, cupping her mouth, though, she didn’t have to do that since they were not that far away from each other.

However, she received no response from Sumin for a good minute or two.

Until…

“YOU!!”

“YOU!!”

Two voices shouted simultaneously.

Alarmed, Sumin’s fiancé came running out of the house dawning his work clothes still.

“Are you okay, honey?” he asked, closing the gap between their bodies, as he gently rested his hand on her lower back.

“Yeah, I’m fine, Seonghwa. I just got startled by a familiar face is all.” She lied flawlessly, smiling sweetly.

Seonghwa hummed in response, not fully believing her, but he knew it was best to drop it.

“Okay. I’m gonna head back inside and finish up this project. Holler if you need me, okay, love?” He said, pressing a sweet kiss on her temple before disappearing inside the house.

The second she heard the door shut, Sumin’s sweet demeanor melted away and was soon replaced with the fiery rage that engulfed her body and soul moments prior.

“Wow. I’m amazed. You actually tricked someone into dating your strange self,” The intruder began applauding slowly with a sarcastic smile etched on his face, “I’m completely inspired by your story now.” He added, further taunting poor Sumin.

Sowon raised her brow, slowly going into defensive mode but held back as she wanted to see more of their reactions. In her life of knowing Sumin, Sowon only ever saw her little sunshine become this spitfire with her only. So, who the Hell was this handsome gentleman that easily riled her soft princess up?

She had to find out.

And maybe…just maybe…he might be the answer to Sumin’s tricky question.

A low – almost animalistic – growl escaped Sumin’s lips as she stomped over to her neighbor; their chests practically touched each other.

“Listen here, Seokjin—”

“I’m sorry. Can you repeat that? You might have to speak up, short stuff.” Seokjin cupped his ear as he leaned downwards; their noses merely inches away from bumping into each other.

Sumin’s jaw clenched and through gritted teeth, she said, well shouted,

“Can you hear me now, huh, you prick?!”

Seokjin groaned, jolting his body away, as he rubbed his poor ear while this ringing sensation echoed throughout his now muddled mind.

Damn that woman had a pair of lungs on her.

“I think you busted my eardrum…!”

“Well, that’s what you get for standing so incredibly close to me, dumbass!”

Tensions arose between the two as their blood slowly came to a boil. Seokjin and Sumin had history. A rather long history that remained in the archives until this evening.

Again, a night filled with firsts.

Just as Seokjin opened his mouth to retaliate, a laughter cut him off. He was secretly glad that someone else intervened. He honestly didn’t have to time to entertain the spitfire that stood courageously in front of him. His daughter was to arrive at any moment.

The last thing he wanted his six-year-old to see was him shouting at a woman.

“You know, we got to work on you playing nice with others, Sumin.” Chimed in Sowon as she walked up to the pair and rested an arm on Sumin’s shoulder.

“And may I ask who you are?” Seokjin questioned, looking a bit unimpressed.

Sowon held out her hand and quickly introduced herself, shaking Seokjin’s hand with her signature thousand-watt smile.

“Ah, and how do you know the pain in the ass?”

“I can ask you the same thing, Jinnie boy.”

“Jinnie boy?” He questioned, directing it more towards Sumin.

Sumin simply shrugged, “Just go with it.”

“Well, I’ve known her since middle school believe it or not.”

Sowon raised her brow; her eyes roamed all over his body as if she tried to decipher his hidden secrets.

“Interesting. Well, as much as I’d like to continue this conversation, I don’t,” She then turned Sumin around, “Time for bed, Min.” She stated firmly before guiding them both back to Sumin’s house, leaving behind a flabbergasted Seokjin.

“You know…I have a feeling that you two would make the perfect couple someday…” teased the taller woman as they crossed the threshold between Sumin’s house and Seokjin’s house.

Sumin grimaced, nearly wanting to gag, “By perfect, you mean that I’d want to kill him every waking moment I can get, right?”

“Nah, my precious little ray of sunshine. I mean that one day, you two will make gorgeous looking children to the point that I’m going to “borrow” one of them to pick up guys.” Sowon clarified, grinning from ear to ear.

A look of utter and complete disbelieve washed over her face as she felt her eye twitch just a smidge from her best friend’s remark.

And just as she opened her mouth to retort, an annoying voice rang in her ears. The one voice she took years of practice to block out him from her memories. Until that evening, she had long forgotten the prick that made her life a living Hell, but fate had an interesting idea of entertainment and unfortunately, she had become the main character of this stupid little sitcom.

God help her…

“You should learn to smile more often, princess! You might land more dates that way!”

“That’s it! Listen here you annoying fucking gnat!”

However, before Sumin could storm over to Seokjin again, Sowon blocked her path.

“Alright, young lady, someone’s getting cranky. You march to your room and tell Seonghwa that you want to cuddle.”

“But!”

“March!”

Sumin frowned before submitting to her friend, of course, muttering a few profanities as she stomped up the stairs that led to the front door.

Once Sumin was inside, Sowon waited a few seconds before walking up to Seokjin, who appeared to be texting someone.

“So, how do you truly feel about Sumin?”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me.”

Seokjin’s face remained blank, “I tolerate her existence. Why?”

“I asked how you truly feel about her, not lie about it.” Sowon stated, shooting him a knowing look.

Seokjin, on the other hand, grew unsure. What did she mean, exactly?

“Sleep on it.” Sowon suggested before walking to her car and finally head home for herself.

Seokjin watched the strange woman drive out of his neighborhood. Her words repeated in his mind. He was almost certain that he just tolerated Sumin’s existence. Sure, there had been a time in his life that he harbored romantic feelings for her, but he had been long married since then. Well, now divorced, but that was beside the point.

It was through that marriage that he had Areum. The light of his life.

Yeah, he didn’t need any other leading lady in his life.

Right?

Before he could fully dive into those thoughts, a bright light nearly blinded him followed by this obnoxious honking.

“Dad!” shouted a voice. A voice Seokjin knew all too well. The same voice that easily brought a smile to his face.

“Areum!” He greeted back; his face practically beamed. He happily waved as the car came to a stop and this little girl came running out of the backseat and towards him.

Seokjin knelt down, ready for the biggest hug ever. And just as she slammed into him, he protectively wrapped his arms around her petite body as the two fell onto the grass.

“Remember to behave for your dad, Areum!” chuckled an older woman, shaking her head as she walked up to the loving duo with a tiny suitcase.

“I will mommy.” Areum smiled as she became smothered with Seokjin’s fatherly kisses.

“Yeah, don’t worry Eunji, our little girl is an angel.”

“Whatever you say, Seokjin. By the way, did you know that our old friend Sumin lived right next door to you?”

Seokjin instantly became alarmed. How did his ex-wife know that? So, naturally, he asked.

Eunji laughed softly, “Just because you had a falling out with her, doesn’t mean that I did, so I saw it on her social media account that she moved to that house.”

“And you didn’t tell me this while I was looking for a place to live because?”

“Because I love seeing you make a fool of yourself in front of her.”

But before Seokjin could say something, refuting his ex-wife’s claims, Eunji had entered her car and clicked on her seatbelt. Then, he saw the reverse lights turn on and watched her pull out of his driveway.

She was always an interesting woman…

“Why is your mom weird?”

“I don’t know, probably for the same reason as to why she called you coward on our way here, daddy?”

“She what, now?”

A/N: I am back! Cue the fanfare and confetti canon! I’m honestly both surprised and proud of myself for not only picking up writing again but starting another series (low key crying because Our Second Chance isn’t done yet, but I am working on it LOL)! At first, I wanted to take the word carnival and incorporate the movie Sandlot and A League of Their Own into it, but sadly, I hit a bad writers’ block, so I just scrapped that idea completely and with the help of @softjeon who helped me with some overall story ideas, this came to be! Plus, it helps that in BTS World, Seokjin’s another story line is so cute, especially with the little girl (who of course makes an appearance as his daughter in this short series <3) being kind of hard to please. Yes, make Jinnie work for it! 

But anyway, as of right now, I don’t have a set schedule for this as I like to write whenever I have both the time and inspiration but knowing me, I’ll start releasing updates over the course of Autumn/Winter along with the last chapters of Our Second Chance! 

Don’t forget to leave a like/reblog/comment/ask in my inbox! I love hearing your thoughts! :)

- Kim

[aintnouseofpretending]

You’re not usually this quiet...

Summary: Although things have not been working well, you still come and fulfil your promise to go picnic with your best friends; Freddie and his boyfriend Jim, Mary, and the other three boys and their significant others. Well, not really. You ended up just with Freddie, because Jim and Mary got something urgent in their workplace, and Freddie is too angry to listen for any more excuses from the other boys. It doesn’t take long for Freddie to notice something is wrong with his best friend.

Pairing: Freddie x Jim. 

Warning: Angst. Fluff. Freddie is with Jim, so he’s your best friend instead of a boyfriend. Apologies for any Freddie’s stan.

Word Count:

Inspired by: Friends Will Be Friends. Spread Your Wings. Keep Passing The Open Windows.

Dedicated to: Those who need the kindest of words, the highest of spirit, and the softest of reassurance. Do not give up. It’s okay to fall, so long you get back up again. You are important.

Perma-tag: @ohmygoditsanthonyedwardstark

+—-—+—-—+—-—+—-—+—-—+

You sighed deeply. You try not to, but you can’t hold yourself back. It is simply too heavy, too stressful. You cannot comprehend what happened anymore, things just crumble one by one, falling into you. Every single one hurts. From getting evicted due to the late payment, you’re fired because of some arsehole customers, and because of all that accumulated stress, you take it out on your friends and cause a big fight. So right now you’re at your parents' house, in your childhood bedroom. You’re completely relieved from your parents’ understanding of your situation, but it still felt bad and embarrassing.

You’ve already cried all night, sleep until the afternoon, and hardly eat. Mother can tolerate one day of break down, but after the third day of the same cycle, you couldn’t blame her to get worried. You put an act, to wash down the worries that were fortunately easy to do. Seeing her getting affected by your blue only adds to the bleeding wound, something impossible to bear. But you did it. One accomplishment after a clusterfuck that has happened. One small celebration that quickly makes you feel worse for your dishonesty, to your own mother.

“I’m so fucking pathetic.” It’s a raspy whisper at eleven pm. The room is dark, you left the windows open, letting the remaining spring’s wind in. You didn’t even bother to cover yourself, you think you deserve to get sick at the beginning of summer. Deserve to feel every layer of hurt and pain for making things much worse. You wish to cry, to let the pain out, maybe sobbing uncontrollably like before. But no tears came out. Your eyes’ so dry, every time the wind hits you it became very itchy.

One bright thought fly about in your brain, it was the famous saying in Japanese; “Only idiots catch a cold in summer. I am an idiot enough to deserve it, at least.”

Things get boring fast. You can’t cry, you can’t sleep. You’re hungry, but you don’t want to wake your parents by making noise in the kitchen. You’re too scared to touch your laptop, afraid it will remind you of your friends that you already hurt. Another thought is floating around, it has been since the day you’re home, every time you see an open window. The night sky is just too beautiful sometimes it makes you lazy. You really wish you have the energy to do something and have your mind distracted from the thought. Far too occupied thinking a way through, you almost miss the sound of a phone call. You leave it to ring only to die, and it repeats thrice before the caller are forced to leave you a voicemail.

“Whatever you’re doing, dear y/n, to ignore my call like this, I hope you’re having tons of fun. But don’t forget about our promise tomorrow, please? Picnic by the lake. We’ll see you at the usual rendezvous point. A bottle of wine as an apology is required! Au revoir!”

You feel a tingle of hope after listening to your best friend, Freddie, cheerful voice. He’s clearly drunk, he’s clearly with Jim and Mary from the chatter in the background, and he’s clearly isn’t pleased by something else beforehand to be pissed off by your typical interest lack thereof. And nothing could annoy him more than those three boys; Bri, Rog, and John. But that doesn’t bother you, the fact that you feel like there’s another option to get your mind off of all the terrible things that weigh you down give you the power to get up and message him; “Copy that.” And removing any bullshit excuses or lies that should’ve come after that. As always, he left you on read, and you try your best to assure yourself that he’s not mad at you, it’s just Freddie being Freddie—he even left Jim on read, and you’re absolutely sure more than he does to you.

“I still can’t sleep.” You talk to yourself as you sit at the edge of the bed. Your room is a complete mess, just like your life currently. But the light from the lamp post in the garden falls on your favourite blue top on the floor. At least you can prepare for your clothes tomorrow and iron them, make yourself presentable you thought. Maybe some late night snack too when you have the energy to make some jam on toast?

“You’re already awake, hun?” Your mother greets you as you prepare breakfast for your parents. “How are you today?”

“Much better.” You shrugged. “PBJs, coffee and tea for you and dad.”

“Lovely! Thank you so much, dear! How about you, honey? Have you eaten breakfast yet? You have been skipping a meal here and there, you have to eat.” She asks as she takes a seat, sipping upon the warm tea you made.

“Already ate. I'm going picnic with Freddie and his friends, so I better get going now. See you later, mum.” You kiss her cheek as you pack a bottle of wine. “Oh, and may I have this? I wouldn’t be out for too long, and I can buy your groceries in exchange, just message me the list?”

“Sure, dear! Have fun! I bet Freddie would be impressed with how you dress up!”

You bite back the reply He might not and instead said; “Absolutely, mum! It’s Freddie after all!” You try to lie to yourself that what you’re saying is indeed true, that Freddie will make things better, if not, his friends will, which technically because of Freddie too. You try to distract your mind from the creeping ugly memories that keep saying you shouldn’t have fun. That you should’ve just stayed and suffered for your own doings. To take the full consequence and feel bad about it, and must find the solution and fix it before you’re allowed to enjoy summer. You scroll through your camera roll to see the pictures of Freddie and his friends. Although unfortunately all of them already taken, you still can enjoy looking at the cute faces of Brian, Roger, and John. You don’t really care about a relationship right now—especially not right now when you feel like shit and your existence will absolutely be a burden rather than the opposite of it. Before the bad thoughts could fight back, you receive a call from Freddie.

“I’m five minutes away from the site. How’re you?” You answered.

“Hungover. Badly. And out of ten people picnic today? Only the two of us could make it.”

“Pardon me?”

“You are pardoned. And yes, darling. Only the two of us could make it. You have to forgive me, after the third excuse that came after Mary—and was from Jim too, what a bad luck it was,—I’m really not in the mood to hear anymore without starting a fight and potentially severe my friendships with those bastards. Not with this bloody headache. So I told them to go fuck themselves for cancelling our summer picnic we have planned after six fucking months—.”

“Are you driving?”

“God, thanks for reminding me, I almost hit a passing grandma.” His sarcasm was left unanswered by you. “I'm shitfaced and careful, so I will be arriving a wee later. I stole Roger’s car. But once I’m there, you’re driving, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Good. See you soon, love.”

“See you, Fred—.”

You can feel the anger boiling inside of you when your anxiety trying to make of Freddie’s hanging up as your fault. In your mind you told yourself that Freddie was already angry, besides, he’s driving, and it’s bad to drive and call at the same time, so him hanging up without hearing you saying goodbye is perfectly justified. But your hand shakes still, a small panic starts rising, you quickly close your eyes in response, calming yourself down. You’re glad when reality soon catches up as the bus give out the ding, you’ve arrived at the Seaside Cafe. It doesn’t take long too for Freddie to arrive with Roger’s favourite car, fortunately, unscathed.

“Hop in, dear. These buildings and peoples didn’t help my pounding head.” He jumps on the passenger seat once you open the driver seat door. “Oh, you bring foods and wine? Absolutely fantastic! I know I can count on you, my lovely y/n!”

You smiled and nod as you slowly hit the gas. You’re glad your friends didn’t tell Freddie and his gang about your fight with them, so at least you don’t have to deal with that problem for now. Not until you’re ready to face it again. But that thought is coming back; in between Freddie’s gossips, him offering you one Roger’s leftover Marlboro and light it up for you, or the fact that he drinks the rest of Roger’s wine that was left on the back seat as he comments how disgusting it tasted so glad he didn’t give the rest to you. Only when the silence comes you notice you haven’t been paying any attention to Freddie, too caught up fighting your anxiety back.

You give him a couple second of side glance; he’s busy lighting another smoke that you’re pretty sure are his fourth since he found the pack. He inhaled it deeply before exhaling it depressingly slow outside the window. The mood swiftly turned sour and heavy, and again, your anxiety knows how to spin it and make it as your fault. And you’re starting to believe it. You grip the steer tightly as you try to hold back the shaking. Your heart rate raises, and you start to feel that cold sweat running down your temple and your breaths getting shorter.

“You’re not usually this quiet with me, darling.” He almost makes you jump, although you successfully hold back your body reaction by blinking repetitively. “Whose breaking your heart?”

“Myself.” You answered before you could even think. “Let’s not talk about it when I’m driving, smoking, and cannot breathe.”

He snatches your smoke on your lip and has it off on Roger’s dashboard. That’ll start a huge fight later, you’re calling it.

“I need a bit of wine to calm myself.” You cut him off when he’s reaching for your mum’s bottle of wine. “Later, Fred. I’m driving. We might die, but Roger wouldn’t be happy if I cause any dent on his baby.”

“So we’ll die either way.” He laughs, already tipsy. “Alright, darling. Go drive like a champ.”

The rest of the ride was unexciting but feels much better. Freddie gives you space to breathe and to focus on driving. When the lake is visible, you already feel like your stress is slowly deteriorating. Shame really, only you and Freddie could come. The more the merrier they say. Or at least if that’s the case, you don’t have to promise Freddie and tell him all the batshit crazy things that have been haunting you. You’re not sure you can start without breaking down, and all of the sudden the tears that are non-existent last night will pour down like a waterfall. You’re betting on that. But, that’s your anxiety talking again.

“Move, darling. I’ll park the car, you lay down the cloth for us to sit. Make sure you pour a full glass of wine for me too, hmm?”

You listened to him obediently and taking the picnic basket you’ve prepared all night with you. It cost you a good night sleep that never came. The wind immediately welcomed you outside the car. The sky is decorated with small white clouds, giving the stage all for the sun to warm every inch of your body whilst the some of the spring breezes felt like the nostalgic cooling with past lovers, completes the satisfying feeling that describes how summer should feel. You can’t enjoy it for long as Freddie soon catch up, trying not to fall over walking on the tall grass.

“What’s on the menu today, dear chef?” He says, practically fell on the cloth right after you tidy them. “Sandwiches I hope? We’re having a picnic after all. Oh, and the wine, where is it?”

You pour him almost a glass full of it whilst you’re trying not to lose yourself and only pour not even two fifth of your glass. You’re glad he doesn’t comment on it.

“Ah! Some fruits too! Magnificent! Jim would be extra jealous to know you’re preparing this well!” He quickly eats the grapes you brought. “Sour and juicy! A little bit of sweetness! Like life! Ah, cheers to that, darling!”

You raise your glass whilst slowly sipping the sweet wine. It was delicious and strong. Maybe your mum knows your condition quite fully, giving you a lot of space to deal with it, and thus allowing you to have her favourite bottle of wine in hope to give you more way to let it all out. You take a mental and a phone note to make sure you buy her favourite cakes later as a thank you. She already sent you the long grocery list, you might have to borrow Roger’s car for a little longer.

“So, dear? Let’s not pretend like you don’t have something to tell me, yes? Don’t bottle it in, darling. It’ll crack and eventually breaks. We don’t want that, surely?”

You take a good amount of consideration whilst to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally. After staring at your wine and at Freddie, you finally add more wine in your glass and drink them in one gulp. Better cry now than later. And so you tell him everything. What has been happening in one month flat. As if having the sky falling down on you and destroys everything you’ve built. And you make it worse by destroying the rest that is left in blind frustration and rage. Now you’re here. Regretting every bits and piece of it, blaming every single bad thing you just experienced on yourself only. You feel too powerless, too overwhelmed to get back up. What are you supposed to do? How to get rid of the sadness that keeps coming and building in you? How to fix everything when there’s nothing left to fix?

“Cry, darling.”

“I have. There are no more tears left in my eyes.”

“Then scream.”

“Pardon?”

“There’s no one here. Even if there is, do you think you’d care? Scream, dear. Scream it all out. How unfair it is. How you feel sad and pathetic and useless. How everything is your fault. Do it, love.”

“O-okay?”

“Go on now.” He pours more wine into his glass. “I will be here. The lake is all yours.”

At first, you hesitate. Not really sure how to properly start a screaming session. Trying to ask Freddie since he’s the proper vocalist, only to receive his impatient glare as he slowly sips on his wine. You then awkwardly stands up, taking off your shoes, just in case, and get closer to the lake. The green scenery blown you away with its beauty, and to truly feel the summer again on your naked skin calms you, making you wish to take a nap. Again, Freddie is getting restless and he makes sure to tell you that by coughing quite forcefully.

“H-how am I to just scream? I never screamed for no reason before.”

“Well, change that, darling! How difficult is it really?”

“A little demo?”

It’s a hard no from the man. He fans himself with his hand as he waits. You no longer have a choice. At least nothing else that you can do, he has given you an option to choose, have you come up with anything better?

You try to yell at first. Saying you’re sad, why are you sad? Oh, right, all the shitty events that took place before that day. Are you stupid? Clearly, you are. You don’t even know why you’re blaming yourself for the things you have no control with. But what about getting angry at your friends for no particular reason? Well, maybe that’s your fault? Yeah! Why did you do that? You’re stressed? Why are you stressed? How to undo everything? Impossible! You don’t deserve the life you have before.

Eventually, you’re getting louder and louder to the point you almost hurt your throat. You keep asking questions that you answered. You don’t even know anymore whether anxiety is the one asking the question, or answering them. It’s a devilish cycle to the point you don’t know what question or answer lead to that, and you’re getting frustrated. Why are you like this? Why can’t it be simple?

“Because it can’t, darling. You’re human. Capable of any sort of emotions.” Freddie walks to your side, handing you your glass of wine that was half full. “That’s the beauty of it. Your problems have successfully kicked you down to the ground. You feel worthless? Feel it with all of your heart dear. But that doesn’t mean you aren’t a strong woman. You’re still here. You come, forget to sleep just to prepare all these?”

Freddie gently shakes the wine in his glass. “If you were truly have given up, I don’t think you’d be screaming. Even if you don’t come and cancel our plan like all of those pricks, then dear, I want you to scream. Get unreasonably angry at your pillows. Punch it. Kick it. If you can’t do that, write. Whenever there’s something in my mind, I write it down. I turn it into songs, then I will scream my lungs out as I sing it.”

“What if I can’t do all that, Fred?” You ask, voice hoarse.

“Then call me, love. Call me. Call Jim. Call Mary. Call everyone. Tell your parents. Don’t be shy, don’t be nervous. Every human has their up and downs. Just tell me everything. How it might not make any sense. Tell me, dear. You’ve got best friends that’ll help you get on your feet again. Darling, drink.”

You stare at your glass of wine. You can’t think straight, but you know you mustn’t drink too much. A sip. Two sips. Three sips.

“Y/n, you’re important. Your life is much too precious to be thrown away. You’re a brave, strong, girl. Even a hero has their time of weakness, dear. This is your times of weakness. And it’s perfectly fine to feel worthless and pathetic, feels as if there’s no light to guide you out the dark scary tunnel. But believe me, dear, you have to stand up, even just by an inch, a centimetre. Let your hands search the darkness. Reach out. If you can’t stand by yourself, reach out. And I will gladly pull you up. Any of your friends will pull you up. If you feel unloved, we will give you love.”

You can feel your eyes start getting teary. Finally, you thought. But is it true? What Freddie told you? You’re important? You’re brave and strong? Are you really worth their time? Worth their love?

Freddie touch your face, softly lift it up to face him.

“Darling. Whenever you feel lonely, you need a shoulder to cry on, you have your friends. You have me. Your best friend. If you don’t want my words, dear, then let me be there even in silence. Listen carefully, hmm? Your existence gives meanings to your friends. No matter how long it takes, we will be there for you. We will make you laugh. We will make you forget. We will make you face it with newfound motivation and self-worth. Because you are worth it. Okay? We love you. Don’t ever think you’re unloved.”

His thumb wipes the single tear that manages to escape. You hug him tight so suddenly his wine spilt on the grass, but he doesn’t mind. He returns your hug, just as warm, just as tight, and you both stayed like that for a while. Long enough for you to feel secure. That you’re not alone. That you will never be alone. You know deep down you’re strong, no matter how small those feelings are, hiding so it can survive the massive amount of self-doubt. You can stand up. You will stand up. Whatever it takes. Freddie will help you stand up again. Get you strong on your feet again, like what he has done right now.

“Thank you, Fred. I really need it.” You whispered after you finally let go of the hug. “Thank you.”

“Not a problem, darling. Just remember I will always be there if you need me, yes? And thanks for this.” He lifts up his glass. “To my courageous heroine, y/n! Come! Toast for yourself! You deserve it!”

“To me!” You smiled as you bring your glass up. “But that’s enough drink. I still have to drive.”

“Ah, boo! Party-pooper!” He sticks out his tongue. “Come, dear, let’s eat the food. You must’ve been hungry fighting yourself day and night! You need the energy to recover and heal! Don’t be shy, don’t be shy!”

Freddie tries not to spill any more of his wine as he walks towards the basket. He gestures you to follows him, smiling kindly and warmly. He even offered his hand when you’re getting closer, a hand that you whole-heartedly reach out and hold onto.

It’s been three days since the picnic with Freddie. A day after that you’re eager to look for a new job, your parents’ make sure to supports you mentally and emotionally, understand that you can stand by yourself, but make sure to be there when you fall again and in need of aid. But that’s not all. You contact your friends again, ask them if you can meet them to apologize for face to face. You’re already nervous when none of them is available that week until they follow up and give you date next week.

Half of the problems are fixed, you sighed in relieve. Although you still can’t find a new place yet even after contacting friends and looking around. It’s barely three days, you assure yourself. You still have plenty of times. Don’t rush or you might stumble and fall again. Do things slowly. You’re still recovering.

You check your phone after you’re out of Seaside Cafe for a job interview. Freddie and his friends blew it, nearly a hundred notifications from before you’re called for the interview. All of them asking how you’re doing. Some came straight —of course, it’s Brian and Veronica that’s worried the most—and say that Freddie is telling them about you being down, believing in his version of the truth that even after screaming at the lake you still feel sad and insecure. Freddie told you that he has taken care of slackers that cancel the plan on the date, making sure they don’t repeat it again.

“Another picnic, dear. Next month. What do you say? Specifically for you.”

“I really appreciate it, Fred, I really do. But don’t you think it’s a bit—?”

“Oh, shush! No buts! Yes or no?”

“Sure—.”

“It’s a yes, people! You’re only allowed to cancel five days before the date! Hey, listen, darlings! Five work days! And I won’t hear any objection! Especially not from you, Roger!”

You can hear in the background that Roger is still not through with Freddie tarnishing his dashboard with his smokes and his wine. You purposely tuned out the inappropriate bits about Freddie stealing his something and something related to “stuff” Roger would use on his date with his girlfriends.

“Let’s talk again later, how about that, Fred? My bus is here.” You say, although your actual excuse was that the conversations in his line have become so dirty you feel like you have to take a shower once you’re home.

“Of course, darling! Be careful on your way home! Remember this, y/n, we’re here for you. Alright?” You smiled.

“Copy that.”

End.

[scrthaddct-blog]

I’ve struggled with an addiction to opiates for most of this decade, and before I swallowed that fateful Percocet I was an alcoholic. This blog will not celebrate or glorify the addict lifestyle. I am not proud of the fact that I am hiding my addiction, but I am not currently ready to either come clean or get clean. My goal is total abstinence from drugs and alcohol. Quitting drinking was fairly easy, but quitting heroin has been quite the opposite. A big reason I am in this mess is because I didn’t take my habit seriously enough at the beginning. I have gone to meetings and will continue to go to meetings but I have not found them helpful (I’ll get specific about this in future posts). I am constantly worried and frightened. I am always broke and my partner is getting sick of my increasingly desperate excuses. I want to quit but I don’t want to quit.

I am currently in a methadone program but I still use heroin anytime I have money to pay for it, which is most days. I’m a fairly typical case. I hit the pharmacy on my way to work, get through the day, and then start the search for drugs after work. I have two different dealers on opposite sides of town, and they don’t deliver. (Heroin dealers almost never deliver. Most of them are hooked on their own product and therefore try to avoid exertion because it kills the opiate high.) One dealer is thirty minutes from my house by transit, the other is forty-five. This may not sound like much but it is. Taking into account the amount of time they make me wait outside their respective buildings (one often forgets I’m waiting there and nods off, which is fucking MADDENING, especially in my pre-methadone days as I’d be dopesick).  I live within walking distance of my workplace, so it makes no difference where I start from. Best case scenario, it takes an hour round trip. Worst case, 2.5 hours. Both scenarios are rare, as I spend an average of 80 minutes every day en route to buy heroin. (As for the obvious question of why I don’t just stock up or buy bulk, it’s because I’m always quitting tomorrow. Always.) I spend a minimum of $20 for a point (that 0.01 grams), but that too is a rare occurence. I am usually able to scrounge up $30 for a point and a half. For my east side guy, I try to show up as late as possible because he gets progessively higher as the day passes, and when he’s high he often can’t be bothered to open up a flap and tosses me 2 for the price of 1.5.

I’m sure the more financially prudent of you are astounded, thinking to yourselves “HOW THE FUCK CAN THIS GUY AFFORD TO SPEND $30 EVERY SINGLE DAY?” That’s a fair question. The answer is...

I can’t. I can’t afford $30 a day. I couldn’t even afford $20 a day. Back when I tried Suboxone for 3 months, a maintenance drug my insurance wouldn’t cover, I was barely able to find the $11 it cost each day. 

I cannot afford my addiction, so I have to do things I never thought I’d do, things I can’t describe here. I’m sure you can imagine. Things aren’t as bad as they were a few years ago, but I still feel like I’m not in control. It’s unbelievable, the way my mind goes blank en route to my dealer. It goes blank so I don’t change my mind. I am forcing myself not to think about the things I want to think about, like maybe finding a 12-step group instead, or just going home to watch a movie. Every day, unless I’ve truly exhausted all options and have no money, I go somewhere to buy drugs.  

Lately I actually have been using less, but only because I haven’t had the money, not because I am getting help or altering my habits. For the last 2 or 3 months the cycle goes like this: Every other Friday is payday. My paycheques aren’t consistent but I usually receive between $1100 and $1300. Peanuts, I know. The money is deposited into my account at five in the morning, but I am awake, manically refreshing my browser on my phone while walking to the nearest ATM. The instant the money comes in I withdraw my daily maximum of $500 and make a hopeful call to each of my dealers. 

This call is a Hail Mary. Coke dealers might stay up all night, for obvious reasons, but people who peddle dope are safe and secure in their beds, snoring softly or jerking awake with a gasp because heroin causes sleep apnea. I continue to call both numbers until one of them picks up and tells me to come by. I use over the weekend while spending time with my partner. I am in a terrific mood the entire time. I am usually running low by Sunday afternoon so I re-up later that night. By either Tuesday or  Wednesday the drugs are gone and I am broke. I mean completely broke. I spend every cent I can on drugs. And I say drugs because I often grab a gram or two of coke. It’s never been my drug of choice, but most heroin users start doing coke around the two year mark because we don’t really get high anymore - we just feel normal - and the coke gives the heroin a sharp glimmer. Also, heroin is stronger than it was even 2 years ago, and I get tired and coke helps. I like to be awake to enjoy my heroin. (PS: ALL heroin has fent in it nowadays. Unless you’re a filthy rich lawyer spending enough cash to get a direct source, which would be 100k a year, you are doing fent every time you use heroin.)

Where was I? Right! The cycle of addiction that is holding me captive and ruining my life.

This Tuesday or Wednesday is always pretty rough. I don’t get dopesick, thanks to my trusty methadone, but the physical symptoms have never been the bane. It’s the mental stuff. It is indescribable. I’ll try anyway but I’ll miss. The only point I hope you take away is that this depression, or despair, or black hole, goes way beyond the personal. It’s not “I am sad. Poor me.” It’s...wider than that. Denser. It is inescapable. My thoughts seem to think themselves, without my consent. They don’t arrive in full sentences, or even words, but blood-deep feelings, forbodings, certainties that nothing is worth getting out of bed for, that you will never feel joy, or even a gust of mild pleasantry, that you are a fucking asshole junkie loser and even if you could get sober, which you won’t, there would be no point because the world is a sick machine bleeding a massive shit...etc etc etc. I quoted Green Day somewhere in that run-on sentence. Bonus points for finding it without Google or any other internetz. 

Anyway, I call the first day back after a binge Day One, for a few reasons. One, because what else would I call it? Two, it’s the name of a really pretty song by a band called Kyuss. And three, it’s kinda funny because it’s one of Amazon’s core values, repeated over and over by the Amazon army, those poor souls who work there for fractions of what their selfish psychotic CEO hoards. 

Day One. More often that not I make it through, and the second is always easier. But sometimes I do stupid shit. My lone suicide attempt was on a particularly desolate Day One. I woke up in my own vomit and took a shower. Then I called my dealer because I’d consumed all my heroin with my Death Dose.

So that’s a summary of where I’m at these days. Trying to get through. Tomorrow is another Day One so wish me luck. I’ll need it.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #181

"wine is fine, but whiskey’s quicker. suicide is slow with liquor.”

What’s the farthest you’ve gone with someone? I mean I'm not a virgin? Have you ever said “I love you” to someone and didn’t mean it? I don't believe so. Do your parents usually agree with your partners-of-choice? Yeah. I really don't know how Dad feels about me being with a girl currently, but he likes her personally. How many people do you like right now? (even the slightest bit) Legitimately, just one. My "I don't actually know this celeb but I'd 10/10 marry them" thing is just a joke. Do you believe little kids can fall in love? My guess is not until you reach a certain level of maturity where you can grasp the seriousness of "falling in love." But who really knows. What was the last dream that you can remember? On the morning I'm answering this one, I swear I had like ten or something last night. As time goes on though, they're starting to blur together. The one that stands out most tho is my sis and I became the first Americans (yes, that was a detail) to fully infiltrate a Russian, secret government base without being killed. Look idk either. Have you ever been rickrolled? Maybe? Do you like balogna? Yeah. It was my favorite lunch meat as a kid. Are you supersticious? No. What animals have you ridden? Horses and ponies off the top of my head. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done to someone you don’t know in public? I don't think I've done anything notable for this. Do you ever stick gum under seats? No, and my opinion of you greatly plummets if you do. Do you live somewhere where it’s completely safe to walk alone at night? I don't think those exist anymore. Have you ever lived with someone who was a total slob? When Dustin pretty much lived in the apartment with us... jc. Would you rather be able to talk to animals or be fluent in every language? Talk to animals. Does your kitchen have a pantry? No. Have you ever interviewed a job applicant at your workplace? N/A Have you ever gone over 3 months without shaving/waxing your legs? I don't shave them anymore unless I fear there's even a tiny chance someone might see them... Thanks, society. Are you high-maintenance? Definitely not. Would you ever consider being a foster parent? Being any kind of parent is off the list for me. What are some things that make others cry, that don’t make you cry at all? Idk, I'm a crybaby. Most sad songs don't, I guess. Are you a very detail-oriented person? Or are you better at seeing the big picture? Definitely the former. Do you have any upcoming plans with friends? lol What kinds of leisure activities did your family do together when you were growing up? Watch TV or sometimes play board games, probs. Occasionally all go in the pool together. Dragons or unicorns? I'm all 'bout dragons, man. Do you wish vampires existed? Um no. Do you sing in front of people you don’t know very well? How about dance? Nope. Have you ever sang/spoke/preformed in front of people on a stage? Sang in church choir and elementary chorus, read my D.A.R.E. report, and was in groups at dance recitals and competitions. Is it more fun or scary to do so? If you haven’t, then what would you think? Eh, it depends on your level of confidence in what you're performing. Like with dance, I was never that nervous as I knew what I was doing. Singing wasn't bad either because I was with others. Now reading aloud, alone, fuck that. I think anything alone would be scary. Would you rather slit your wrists than read Cosmo? I normally delete just plain stupid questions, but I'm leaving this here to hope and pray the author of this question sees me sincerely  and genuinely say fuck you, you goddamn fly-swarmed shitpile with a maturity level surpassed by an infant's. Did you ever like barbies? Do you currently like barbies? They weren't really my thing, but I'd play with them if my sisters or friends wanted me to. What’s your favorite hit song right now? I don't know what the hit songs are right now. What’s your favorite element? (fire, water, air) Out of the traditional four, fire. Have you ever been to a wild party? No. Have you gone through any drastic life-changing experiences? If so, what was the most drastic? Depression and anxiety manifesting was absolutely life-changing, and then when you consider it resulted in PTSD, obviously the break-up was incredibly serious, but it also led towards my gradual recovery. What traits from your father would you like to pass down to your children? Don't want kids, but I'll answer as if I did. If that were the case, I like how he's not one for grudges, is very openly himself, and is super goofy. What is your biggest fault? It probably all boils down to my anxiety and trust issues resulting in me jumping to conclusions. If you could transform into any animal what would it be and why? Probably a snow leopard. Climate I love, super pretty, and I know I'd wanna be a feline anyway. What are the first three things you do when you wake up? Check the time, go to the bathroom, then it varies. Can you remember the first time you ever talked to the person you love/like? Does he/she remember? Ha, sure do, both through text and Skype... I'm sure she remembers the basics at least, too. Would you be able to have a relationship with someone you didn’t find attractive, if they had a nice personality and treated you well? Yeah. Have you ever really liked someone to begin with, then changed your mind about them? Maybe? Does your significant other/crush know about your Tumblr? Does he/she look at it? Yeah, and we follow each other, so. Do you ever feel a desire for sex at inappropriate times? Define "inappropriate?" What was the last thing that one of your parents bought for you? Fast food. Think about your first boyfriend/girlfriend. Did that person make you happy? What went wrong in the relationship? Sure, but just as friends. If you decided to dye your hair, would you choose to go lighter or darker? Lighter. I want more colorful hair. Is there a TV show or movie in which you’re incredibly emotionally attached to the characters? I don't think so "incredibly" since Meerkat Manor. Would you rather arrive super early or super late to class? Early. What’s something really basic that worries or troubles you on a consistent basis? It's a wonder I'm blanking here considering I know there's a load of things. What do you use the internet for the most? YouTube. On a scale of one to ten, how good is your memory? A goddamn one. It's been exceptionally awful lately. Do you worry about money? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YEAH. Do you have any health problems that are unusual for your age? Well, the memory thing, though it's probably just a side effect of my meds or actual ADD. My knees are atrocious, though, and after many, many tests, we still can't figure out what's wrong with them. What’s the longest nap you’ve ever taken? When does it no longer qualify as a nap?  Maybe like... four hours at max? Are you more likely to expect the best or the worst of a situation? The worst. Always. Have you ever said or done something in public that resulted in a stranger’s response? Possibly. How many serious relationships have you been in? Two. Do you think you have a vivid imagination? Very, personally. What was the last song you listened to? "Sick Like Me" by In This Moment. How many hours a day do you spend on Facebook, if any? Not even one. Do you own your favorite film on DVD? Maybe? Idk if we replaced the VHS. Have you ever been so angry that you screamed out of nowhere? On one occasion I basically screeched my lungs out on the porch. What’s your opinion on Nicki Minaj? I guess as a rapper she's good, she's indisputably quick as fuck, but I'm not a fan personally. Do you like having your lip softly bitten when you’re kissing? Oh fuck yes. Have you ever been on a boat? Yeah, when Dad would take me fishing and also on a 5th grade field trip to a horse-inhabited island near one of the lighthouses. We couldn't go to the lighthouse because the water was too rough. Have you ever been hopelessly in love with a celebrity? You can't be "in love" with someone you've never met and don't know personally. Generally speaking, do you like acoustic or original versions of songs better? Hm... tied, I think. What was the last band shirt you wore? Otep. Do you follow any celebrities on Twitter? I use Twitter only for Mark. That is all. What was the last flavor of pudding or yogurt you ate? Chocolate. What was the last thing you bought online, and how about in an actual store? With my own money, online it was Sara's ring I believe, and in a store was a snack. When was the last time you met someone who seemed very unpleasant? Hm. I honestly don't go out and meet people enough to answer this. Does anyone have a romantic interest in you, that you don’t return? Possibly, but it doesn't matter. Have your parents met the person you’re currently interested in? Yeah. What was the last alcoholic drink you tried for the first time? Did you like it? Oh my fucking god, some kind of "fancy" vodka in a margarita. It was disgusting. Are your eyes the same color as your siblings’ eyes? Only my brother. What food(s) have you eaten a lot of recently? Nutrition/meal replacement shakes. Do you use the microwave a lot when it comes to cooking food? Yeah, 'cuz I can't cook. Are you currently trying to get over someone? No. Do you know anyone who’s been on TV? If so, which show? Not to my knowledge. Do you have any lockets with pictures inside? No. Have you ever liked a football player? No. What was the last thing you learned? Some snacks rats can eat. Do you like Chinese food, Mexican food, or American food better? American. I'm very picky with all foreign food, actually. What’s your favorite scent? Freshly-baked bread, coffee, honeydew, lilacs... If you could house any pet, what would it be? Out of all pet options, uh... I suppose a horse or Saint Bernard if I had the means to properly care for them, too. Do you pluck your eyebrows? No. Do you like to swing? YEAH. How about jumping on a trampoline? I would if my knees weren't shit. If you could have any car, what kind would it be? Idk. I'm not educated on cars enough. What’s your favorite fast-food restaurant? I'm a slut for Wendy's. How often do you like to have sex? I'm not in a position where that's ever a thing yet. It wasn't something I thought about with Jason either, but we were pretty regular with sexual affection so we never went very long without, anyway. What’s your definition of weird? I don't care to define it, honestly. "Weird" can be good, bad, neutral... It's too vast a term and super subjective. Do you use shaving cream? That or lotion when I shave my legs. Have you ever personally known any girl who shaved their head? Well, she's an online friend, but I'd count her. Have you ever coughed up blood? I don't believe so. Who was the last person you hugged? My niece or nephew. What’s some of the worst pain you’ve ever felt? Mental: heartbreak and abandonment (both without any obvious prologue), rejection from who I cared about most, as well as deep hopelessness. Physical: having a cyst drained, an internal hemorrhoid, fracturing my wrist, having my tongue piercing redone and more accurately, a severe case of constipation I had as a little kid, an ear infection that made me want to chop it off and all out, a concussion, menstrual cramps before I was put on the pill... What kind of mouse pad do you have? I use a trackpad. What color is your mouse? ^ What’s your favorite dessert food? Ice cream, donuts, or red velvet cake omlllll. What is the closest thing to you right now that is alive? My dog Teddy. Are you an outcast? By the actual definition, no, though I feel it occasionally. Do you exercise? Ugh, no. I'm working on building back up my motivation to do Wii Fit again. What’s your favorite carnival food? (cotton candy, corn dogs, funnel cake) I haven't been to enough and gotten food to know many at all. Are you a very open-minded person? I think I am, and I feel that improves further like, daily. Are you modest? Probably sounds immodest to say, but I know I am. What kind of guys/girls do you usually fall for? Above all else, my consistent weakness seems to be the "weirdos." The ones that really stand out in their uniqueness. Do you skate? No. I mean, I'm capable of rollerblading, but it's not something I do every weekend or something. If you were to make it big with your own band what would it’s name be? Hell if I know. HAHA WAIT. My old username in some places, BulletsxButterflies, was based off my Rock Band band "Bullets And Butterflies" and like can you say #myaesthetic so that'd be pretty cool I suppose. ... Although it was inspired by the song "Bullet With Butterfly Wings" and I don't wanna get sued so like- What’s your favorite kind of pasta? Just normal spaghetti with sauce and meatballs. Would you rather a friend come over to your house or you go over there? I GO OVER THERE. I am a SHIT host and there's nothing to do here anyway. What’s the perfect first date? Go to a sit-down restaurant (doesn't need to be expensive at all), just the two of you, and *talk*. Don't touch your phone, just talk and listen with honest interest in your partner. I think this is especially important if you started dating shortly after meeting, as now that you're together, you really need to get to know each other. If you were good friends prior, you should already be pretty familiar with the other, and then I think things are a bit more flexible. Have you ever had rabies? No. Do you know anyone who ever had to get a rabies shot? *shrugs* Ever eaten deer? Duck? Squirrel? How about lamb? No. Have you ever received a note in your locker? I believe I did in middle school from Aaron? What was the last birthday present you bought for someone? A personalized chameleon mug for my darling. Did you get grounded often as a child? No more than usual, I guess? If you have a car, how much does it take to fill up your gas tank? N/A What’s your favorite album from your favorite music artist? Ozzy's "Black Rain." Every song is absolutely amazing, replayed more times than I ever wanna count, and it was my introduction to metal. Was the last person you held hands with a significant other? No, Aubree took my hand as well as she could to take me to her brother's room. Do you remember the brand of your first cell phone? Uhhhh... Blueberry, maybe? What is your Facebook cover picture? A pink pastel background-type thing. Last video game you played? Shadow of the Colossus. I beat it all over again to start my Time Attack grind, but I'm thinking of waiting til I get the PS4 remake one day to do so. When did you last try a new restaurant? Back when I was up at Sara's again. Does “out of sight, out of mind” work for you? Usually no. Do you have any friends whose birthday is this month? MY BABY If you have a favorite actor/actress, which of their movies is your favorite? For Betty White, idk. Depp, Alice in Wonderland. Are you currently expecting anything to arrive in the mail? No. What is your favorite kind of salad? Just bring me a ship full of Olive Garden's salad and I'll be g. Do you own a tablet of any kind? No. How many minutes is the longest song in your music library? I'm not sure, but off the top of my head, probably "Call of Ktulu" by Metallica. What is a brand name you don’t really care for? Any?? Idc. Do you prefer sleeping in complete silence or with background noise? Not complete silence, but quiet, simple background noise. When was the last time you weighed yourself? Today. As I do almost everyday even tho you're not advised to. Oops. Would you convert to a different religion if your fiancé/fiancée was of a different faith? No. The world is ending, and you can save one group of five people: who would be the five people that you save? Just five ah screw you man. Considering both those I hold close to myself but also people I feel would help recover the world for the better, and also assuming you don't include animals: Sara, Mom, Mark Fischbach, my psychiatrist (he's so fucking knowledgeable on medication that the world does not need to lose all that information), and probably Jane Goodall. Well idk, she's up there in age and may not last very long, but. asjfapwuw this is a hard question, I'm trying to consider who I love personally but also who would be capable of properly rebuilding humanity, or at least give us last six (if I'm alive, too?) a happy end to our lives. What is one thing that you are proud of, that you think lacks praise/lacks appreciation from the people around you? It could be a simple thing; it could be a secret thing. Ummmm... idk. What is the funniest one-liner Tumblr text post you’ve ever read? THERE'S SO MANY What is the absolute hardest thing about staying alive? Staying in a mentally sound place. If you're not okay in your own head, that makes living so, so very hard, and too many people get there. What is a book that has been recognized as ‘great literature’ that you dislike? Why? *shrugs* I enjoyed those I recall reading. Except one I don't remember the name of. Do you believe in the supernatural? Absolutely, 110%. What was the last thing you cried about? Probably my current groundhog day cycle. Are you mad at yourself about anything? Always, sure, but in like, the back of my mind. It doesn't dominate my thoughts. What was the last thing you cooked on the stove? Eggs. What pharmacy do you use? Harris Teeter's. Are you proud of yourself or disappointed in yourself? Both. What do you consider the perfect temperature for winter? ~50 is my preferred temperature always. What does your umbrella look like? I think ours is black? What is something you wanted as a kid but never got? One of those little crane machines with stuffed animals in it. I had one for candy, I think... but apparently that wasn't enough for Young Brittany. What is something you were scared of as a kid? Porcelain dolls. Still make me uncomfortable. Do you like your current driver’s license picture? My permit one is HIDEOUS. What is your favorite Elvis song? "Devil In Disguise." Do you think you could be the next American Idol? Hell no. Do you prefer reading fiction or non-fiction? Fiction, easily. Do you prefer fruity candy canes or peppermint-flavored? I like both, but the former is my fave. Do you eat too much candy? No. If you ever took dance classes, what were your favorite classes? Jazz. Have you ever been bullied because of the things you like? I don't think so? Have you bullied others because they like things you do not? No. Were there any classes you enjoyed because of the teacher? Not "enjoyed," but made them better. Have you ever been a bad friend? I'm sure I have. Has a friend ever replaced you with somebody else? Yup. At least it really feels like it. Have you ever disliked something just because it was popular? Admittedly, I think there were some things when I was newly a teen and developing that "I'm not like others" mentality. Have you ever watched a movie just because it starred an actor you liked? Maybe? What about just because it starred an actor you thought was good-looking? ... I'm deadass tempted to see Aquaman because of this lmfao but I'm not going to. Are there actors/musicians you have met? No. Do you ever judge people based on the music they listen to? Nah. What would you say are your top five bands/artists? Gaaah... I'll try here. Ozzy, Metallica, Otep, Manson, and Korn, maybe? Has anyone ever told you that you were really pretty? Yeah. Do you listen to a wide variety of music? No. Most are some kind of metal and rock, but I do have some really random artists/bands I like, such as Melanie Martinez or Marina and the Diamonds. Did you ever go through a phase when you didn’t want to take medicine? No. Was the last book you read good? Yeah. Do you make grocery lists? I don't do the shopping, so no. Do you have stomach problems? It can be finicky every now and again, especially with "fancy" food. Do you enjoy editing photos? Yes! Peace signs or hearts? Hmmm, idk. I guess it depends on the style. What kind of pie is your favorite? None. Do you have a strong relationship with your parents? I feel very, very few parent-child relationships exist stronger than my mom's and mine. Dad and I are good, too. Do you know your best friend’s middle name? Yeah. Have you ever kissed someone that was high? No. Is your Facebook profile private? Yeah. How many true friends do you have? Like four? Who has your Facebook password? Me and Mom. Do you wear the hood on your hoodie? Pretty much never. Do you believe in aliens? I'm neutral. Do you like pineapple? Yessss. Is there anyone you dislike, that you have to see/speak to regularly? No. Are you living with anyone that isn’t related to you? No, if you don't include pets. How many people would you say you’ve been “in love” with? Two. Which one of your relatives are you most likely to argue/disagree with? MY GRANDMA. How much do you monthly pay for mortgage or rent? If you don’t, how much is your cell-phone bill? N/A What is your favorite grocery store to shop at, and how often do you shop for groceries? Sam's Club got them deals. But I don't do the grocery shopping. How many hours do you work a week? If you don’t work, do you plan on finding a job? If so, when? I'm getting help from vocational rehab now to find a job perfectly appropriate for me. Where did you have your first kiss? What about your last kiss? His bed; airport. When is the next time you will be going out of town? 18th for my therapy appointment. Hour away. What is the last thing you spoke to your father about? Phone bill. Where did you spend Christmas or any other winter holiday? My sister's house. Who in your life causes you the most stress or negative feelings? Myself. Do you like shopping alone? I wouldn't know. Do you have any scratches on your cell phone? A small one. When was the last time you blushed? Idk. Who is one person you met and automatically didn’t like? Most of my sister's exes. Almost all, really. Do you have any video game systems in your room? Which one(s)? Well, the DS is in here. Have you ever done another person’s make-up? Jason's as just a joke. What is one thing you don’t like sharing? My drawings or writings if you're in my "real" life. Online is like... mostly np, but otherwise, don't fucking look. If I share a drink with you too, that means a loooot. Where on your body would you NEVER get a piercing? You know... ~the spot~ Which Adam Sandler movie do you like the most? Idk. Did your parents ever read stories to you before bed? Yes. Would you be considered more of a teacher’s pet or a class clown? I was inadvertently the teacher’s pet like... always. Do you have any family members who are mean to you for no reason? No. Do you have to do any yard work? No. Do you have a nativity scene in your home? Mom will put it up eventually. If you’re a girl, what color is your favorite bra? Navy. Would you rather make a snow angel or snowman? Snowman. What is the best antique shop in your town? *shrugs* Does creating make you happy? YES YES YES YES!!!! Do you have abusive family members? No. What US city would you most like to visit? Idk. What country in the world would you most like to visit? Japan, probably. Or Scotland. Do you have your wedding all planned out in your head? No. Do you sell things online a lot? No. Is there anyone you secretly miss? No. What color are your Christmas lights? On our tree that isn't up yet? Rainbow. Owls or penguins? Owls.

[freecodecamper]

Let’s Talk About Some Really Serious *Bleep*

If you are reading this you can look at the date of when I first started this blog. This is kind of a summary that mixes the past, the present, and stuff that has happened since I last posted. I have a lot to talk about and I really hope this helps someone out there. 

Let me begin.

On Portals of Stability

You can’t function in this industry if you do not figure out a way to create a stable life for yourself. It does not have to be fun. It does not have to be wealthy. It does not have to be full of amazing people. It just has to be stable enough where you can focus on completing a specific goal at a specific time and not have that compete with anything else. 

So I recognize that you could be homeless but totally teach yourself how to code because if you have access to a library’s computer system and a dedicated time every day, all you need to do is show up. Things get a little bit more complicated if you have serious responsibilities to take care of or if you get really really really sick. 

Portals of stability are important because motivation runs out. Let’s say you gain enough skills with programming to enter the workforce and get some damn good job offers. But you don’t have a stable home situation for recovering from the stresses of life. Even though you have finally arrived at your goal of working in tech in a job based on your skills, you don’t have the emotional support you need to survive. 

All the women I know in tech that I would consider to be mentors and beloved friends have burnt the fuck out. I’m looking at them because they kind of represent a future that I can step into and I’m really thinking about... how I can be here without destroying myself. And that’s something that skills like programming don’t address. I don’t know what the answer is but I do know the difference between the women who burnt the hell out and eventually circled back and the women who did not is that the survivors figured out how to create stability by pursuing freelance situations where they did not have to be exposed to a daily violence present in a lot of tech workplaces. But they had to do a LOT to get the point of where they can pull that off. They had to be exposed to a lot of mental fuckery and sometimes physical violence. I don’t know if I have that in me for that specific field and yet I know I have no choice but to stay here. 

On How to Reconfigure an Unstable Life

So my life has been highly unstable almost since I was a kid. I kept running into these patterns where I’m already working under conditions that are set up against me. I last longer than I am expected to, but I still end up failing because I never had the resources I needed to begin with. 

Finally, it clicked one day that instead of doing this cycle that feels like a constant start, stop, start stop, start stop, brakes and pedal at the same time movement... I need to just rearrange my life. 

This meant getting rid of people.

This meant re-evaluating what time is to me.

This meant thinking about what I’d be upset with the most if I knew I was going to die this year without completing something.

This also meant letting emotional weights go - forgiving people, acknowledging trauma, acknowledging things I suck at but have too much pride to publicly admit, forgiving myself, giving myself time to physically heal and emotionally heal and breath - really breath. 

This also meant finding a job that works with me even if its not the job others think I should have. In other words, money is not everything if it constantly gets in the way of completing whatever the hell it is you want to complete. 

This also meant qualifying advice because most advice given (including possibly my own in this post) is fucked up, bad, and doesn’t relate to what you are actually going through. My mentors in tech come from backgrounds so vastly different from me that at a certain point they just could not relate. The economic conditions, the social conditions, etc., its just too wide of a gap sometimes when shit hits the fan. So I found that usually I was better off trusting my own gut instincts then doing the “right” thing and seeking the opinion of someone who supposedly has been there before me. There were exceptions but the exceptions where advice actually fit were so rare that I can count them on three fingers. 

This meant recognizing distractions. I have a digital addiction. I’ve been dealing with for the past couple of months. What I’ve been doing to recover since I definitely don’t have the money to get professional help is deleting apps and leaving my phone behind - sometimes in my car, sometimes at home. I gave up facebook because that was the worst one. I deleted LinkedIn which I hated because of its dark patterns anyway. I reduced my twitter use dramatically. But what actually has worked best is deleting apps during the week and installing them on the weekend plus monitoring when I feel the urge to use an app. Its always to push back something that I don’t want to feel. I also did a serious spring cleaning which was very helpful but also very intense because as soon as I got rid of a crapload of stuff a bunch of memories that had been buried underneath rose to the top and I had to deal with them with no place to run away. So yeah... it has been an intense emotional rollercoaster since the last time I posted. 

This meant also recognizing there is a spiritual element to this for me, that I won;t get into online because its really personal but if anyone reading wants to know I will gladly share. I do believe that sometimes stagnation and resistance is psychic in nature. The relationships we have with people impact us in ways we can’t always imagine....the things our parents and friends say....what they do and do not think we are capable of....the lies we tell ourselves both to make us feel better as well as to tear us down - all of that has a spiritual impact. 

So to summarize how to restructure your life to pursue what you want:

Get a job that gives you the time you need to make shit above the money you desire. If you can’t sacrifice your job you are going to have to come up with a hell of a plan. Maybe save money for a year or two and take a break from the world. It worked for one woman. She saved for three years, then taught herself how to code in one year. She made it but damn she gave up a LOT to pull that off. You have to recognize your sacrifices but a job that is on the schedule YOU NEED is the best thing you could ever give yourself. 

Remove people who don’t support you. Find people who are like you or who are where you want to be in the future.  You literally become who you hang out with. So if you currently are trying to learn how to code and you do not know any programmers, you are in danger. Find people online, offline, doesn’t matter, just find a person who also is doing what you are doing, and get to know them well enough where if you had a question you could hit them up for help. 

Don’t learn to code for money unless you like learning ( I do). This is a life long learning career where you will never stop updating and upgrading your skills. It's not like how some college degrees USED to be where once you get it, you are set, and you are just running a business that has already been established and going through the motions. It doesn’t work that way. There’s always a new protocol, a new best practice, a new language, etc. Just get started and once you start don’t stop if you can avoid it. 

Give yourself time to heal. Sometimes we don’t know we are sick, even physically sick. Stress can mask a fucked up situation. Figure out the best way for you to chill out and then examine what the heck is really going on with you. 

If you think you are battling some serious demons, deal with those demons before they grow and decide to force you to deal with them. A lot of my friends had breakdowns after graduating from college because there was nothing to distract them from dealing with the shit that was always calling for their attention. 

Read the War of Art by Steven Pressfield. He talks about resistance a lot. He also helps make you feel better when you learn that it takes some people years to overcome it. Where Pressfield is helpful is putting you in the mindset of a pro - like ok you know this bullshit is going to head your way and its going to get between you and what you want to do. Here is how to hold on tight and not completely give up. Here is how to figure out a path to finishing. My only complaint with the book is that sometimes finishing is not the best use of your time which leads me to the last thing I’ll mention.

Develop a way to know whether or not something is worth your time or you are cutting yourself short. Sometimes people stop working on projects because they get too hard. But sometimes people stop working on projects because life is too short and there are other things they value more. I’m of the belief that as long as whatever you are pursuing is something you wouldn’t mind dying while in the pursuit of, you should be ok. Yes I do mean dying in the pursuit of. If you know you would be upset at someone finding you slouched over a keyboard, dead, learning how to code instead of... spending time with your kid, writing the book you really want to write, living abroad, etc., don’t do it. But if you know you'd’ be ok with someone finding you dead over a keyboard busting your ass to learn how to code because this is something that actually means a LOT to you and is part of your life... that’s beautiful. I truly do mean that. 

Another way to think of number 7 is in terms of flow. You want to set up your life in such a way where you do more of the things you want to do then don’t want to do. I’m not talking about eating chocolate cake and pizza all day. I’m talking more along the lines of... if you are a people person and you enjoy talking to people, your everyday work should involve that. If you like solving puzzles your everyday work should involve that. If your everyday job does not, this means you aren’t in flow with your life. And who wants to be out of flow with their fucking life?

Anway as for me and what I have been up to... 

Working on stuff, using the skills I got from freecodecamp based on how far I got at the time. I’ve restarted it three times now. And each time I say it will be the last but nope. Haven’t pull that off. But if I took a gaming perspective to it, I will say that each time I dive back into freecodecamp I take away a little bit more. So maybe for some learners, the process of restarting is much more similar to starting from a game. You take in as much as you can stand for the moment, then go off into the world, use the skills you do have, and when you are finally ready to take on more - because your life is finally stable or you just feel its time - you do. 

I hope this is  helpful for someone out there. I’m kind of writing this to myself wishing I could send this to my past. I’m really grateful for the job I currently have. While its not glamorous it allows me time and time is the most precious thing in the entire world. 

[chroniclesofanempath-blog]

August 8, 2018

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

enjoying one moment at a time;

accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

that I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

forever in the next.

Ashe. 

Friday August 3, 2018

Something I’ve been personally struggling with for YEARS is my anxiety regarding my future. Currently, I’m receptionist at a medical clinic. I’m six years in, I’m a unionized worker, I’ve got medical benefits, I receive a decent pay, and I as well as my employer are paying into my retirement. Now, don’t get it confused, I am nothing but grateful. Because of this job I can afford the luxury of living in a safe neighborhood, I am able to comfortably pay my bills and still have fun, and I have paid vacation time, sick time, and holidays. None of this I take for granted. At the same time though, I can’t even lie, this 40 hours, 5 days a week fucks with my spirit.

I can’t help but feel that I’m missing out on opportunities to learn, experience, and grow while I’m sitting on my ass answering phone calls all day. But it’s not only the time wasted. It’s also the energy that I engage with daily. I’m speaking to patients who have transferred their own personal power to their doctors COMPLETELY. They have no control over their own minds, bodies, and emotions and it is hurtful to me to assist them in continue that cycle. I enter an environment every day that has an energy of unhappiness, discontentment, regret, and jealousy. This energy is not present within everyone in my workplace, but I am constantly exchanging with individuals who are deeply unsatisfied with their lives because they have not lived to their full potential and they are fearful and/or do not believe they will ever reach it.  (Upon rereading this I understand that I am in this environment because MY OWN ENERGY I’M EMITTING and I take responsibility for that.)

So, I’m unhappy there. That’s established. Fine. Okay, so, now what? Well, my resolution to this for the past couple years has been thinking of plans in which I can make this situation work for me for long enough so I can set myself up to eventually be free to live my dreams. This state of mind is safe and comfortable to me (no matter how much anxiety it causes me) because I have not fully given up on my dreams (just modified them) and I have logic behind the decisions that I make that help me to feel protected and safe.

Just for fun, let’s go over one of these plans I’ve come up with in my head. Okay, so the one that’s been on my mind lately is staying at my job for another 4 years but transfer to another city so I can feel like I’m switchin shit up. While I’m doing this I’m also building up and expanding my jewelry business, maybe camgirl-ing or dancing on the side (to save extra money because big cities as well as my big dreams are expensive), and all the while continuing to build a social media presence, and BAM… at 29 I’ll be in my own spot, in a new city, with a new interesting life, and then I will FINALLY be free to quit my job move out of the country and truly begin to walk the path I was destined to walk.

Not a bad plan, but is this the plan of least resistance? Is this the plan that is most in alignment with my divine purpose? Will this plan challenge me and lead me to where I need to be on the path. It very well could be, sure. And if this is the path that Spirit wants to take me on then, so be it. But you know how I know this is not part of my divine path? Because my fucking neurotic ass mind came up with this shit!

One of my favorite quotes is, “When we make plans, God laughs.” A quote that I tell others all the time, but seem to forget the advice for myself. I guess it’s hard for me to accept this advice for myself because I have a fear that if I don’t make plans, then nothing will get done. I have a fear that if I don’t have a specific plan laid out and am not taking action toward that plan then I am a failure. I fear the uncertainty of going-with-the-flow and taking a chance on my dream. I fear that I don’t actually know what I want and what I’m taking a chance on will be a waste of time.

Regardless of the fear, I am not discouraged. There is a conclusion to this mental debacle. I asked myself, “If I had nothing holding me back what would my life look like?” “What dreams lie in the depths of my heart?” I really took my time and sat with this for a moment and thought about what makes me feel alive…

My dream is to own on a large property in a tropical country surrounded by nature, connected to a community that is in alignment with my soul,  while traveling the world freely, creating in every space that I occupy, allowing my intuition to guide me, to experience truth on a daily basis, and healing others and helping to bring them into their power.

This is my dream. To me, this is THE LIFE. What’s blocking me from experiencing this is my mind trying to figure out HOW I can make this dream happen. See, the part I missed was the asking part. The part I missed was the receiving part. The allowing part. Have I ever presented my dream to Spirit and trusted that somehow, someway Spirit would assist me along my journey and guide me straight to my dreams? No. Did I ever trust that Spirit would present me with the people I needed to meet, the experiences I needed to have, and the knowledge I needed to obtain to achieve my dream? No. I always assumed the burden and intervened with MY own plans to get to my dreams. I told Spirit, I don’t trust that your are involved in my growth and development. I don’t trust that Spirit will lead me to my dreams. Of course, this is so beyond contrary to my true beliefs and this mental and spiritual is disconnect is the source of my  anxiety and depression.

So, Spirit spoke to me the other day. Spirit told me not to worry so much. Spirit said I’m on the right track, but I have set too many limits on myself and most importantly, on Spirit. Spirit says that I am focusing too much on my limited vision. Spirit encouraged me to leave the details out and to focus on the underlying themes of my desires. Then, I was told not to just have goals for the future, but to also make and focus on goals for the NOW. These goals will keep me on my path and in alignment with my most divine desires.

I thought to myself, “What goals can I set for myself everyday that will keep me in alignment with my purpose?” Here’s what I’ve come up with:

Use every opportunity as an opportunity to express love.

Form meaningful connections and create with others who are in alignment with my vision.

Maintain a child-like curiosity for life, because how incredible is this all?

Remind people of how beautiful and powerful they are.

Honor myself. Honor my ancestors. Honor nature.

Meditate

Speak my truth

I’m sure there will be more that I will add along the way but this is an incredible start. My little neurotic monkey-mind can’t even FATHOM what my life will look like when I consciously meet these goals daily. This is my commitment to living fully in the present moment. This is my commitment to radically changing the trajectory of my path. This is my commitment to releasing the limitations I had set for myself... And, so it is.

[adambstingus]

24 HILARIOUS Times People Rage Quit Their Job The Way Everyone’s Wanted To

1. Does His Best By Quitting

17, hole in the wall popular non-chain fast food place. Worked 3 to 11.

A Friday. We needed a MINIMUM of 4 people to run the place. And that’s with everything getting totally trashed. 6-7 people was really what was needed.

Nobody showed up but me. Previous shift went home.Called the manager. No answer. Called the owner. ‘Just do the best you can’.

Turned off the lights, locked the door, put a sticky note on it that said ‘I quit’. And went home.

I did the best I could.

theawesomethatis

2. Quitting By Proxy

I knew a guy in high school who hated working at a movie theater. Called his boss and told him he wasn’t feeling well because he went hiking, got swarmed by bats, and got bit by one. Shows up later that evening to watch a movie with a cape and fake fangs in his mouth. Fired on the spot.

RIPmyFartbox

3. Last Day Making Pizzas

I used to work at a place that rhymes with “Pizza Hut” and the managers there were real cheapskates.

There was this nice old man that would come in every Sunday and order a triple extra cheese pizza and while they charged him for the 3x cheese, they would forbid us from ever actually putting that much cheese on a pizza because apparently cheese in the pizza selling world is akin to gold.

So instead of 3x extra cheese he would really be getting what the instructions would qualify as barely enough for a regular cheese pizza.

On the day my 2 weeks notice ended the old guy just happened to be my last order so I went into the walk-in and grabbed an entire box of cheese, proceeded to dump the entire thing onto his pizza and tossed it into oven. It was stacked so high that it couldn’t even fit into it and half of it was scraped off.

Anyways, the look on the old guy’s face when he saw me do this made it all worth it (imagine pure excitement). Needless to say I didn’t put the correct phone number down for future job references.

Not_A_Doctor_Venture

4. Popcorn And VHS

There was a UPS strike in the 90s and I was employed by them in high school as a sorter. Blockbuster Video at the time had this mail order deal where you’d get a VHS tape and bags of popcorn. Like a proto-Netflix thing I guess. Anyway, all these boxes full of microwave popcorn and VHS tapes would slide down the belt and about half of the popcorn bags would explode or break. After about an hour there was popcorn dust all over. I asked my boss for a mask, and he said that they didn’t have any. Some of the drivers walked by wearing masks, and I followed them and found a full cabinet full of masks. I confronted my boss, and he was like “the masks are for drivers, only”.

So I went back to the sorting area and just stopped working. I just stood there. The belts were backing up with these boxes of popcorn and they would burst and clouds of powdered popcorn butter would fill the air. I waited about 45 minutes before the belt shut off.

I walked out through a haze of popcorn dust, with alarms blaring, people running everywhere trying to figure out what was going on. A lot of people didn’t get their VHS tapes that week.

rikers_evil_twin

5.A “Certain” Coffee Chain

My wife worked for a certain chain coffee shop a few years back. She got another job, so requested reduced hours. This didn’t happen for 3 straight weeks.

During that third week, she had a soccer mom from hell try to get her attention, by throwing fucking snowballs at her through the drive-thru window. My wife then stopped what she was doing and tossed this soccer mom’s iced tea at her (which exploded everywhere) and slammed the window.

5 minutes later she had written her letter of resignation, with the only things she could find: a purple crayon and a sticky note.

The_MonBear

6. A Race To Quit First

Worked as a teller at a bank for a few years, GM and supervisor were both kind of crappy in their own ways. My buddy there was also a teller who felt similarly and wanted to get out. We started applying to places and both got interviews at the same company. As luck would have it, we both got hired and got phone calls about 10 minutes apart.

There was only one other teller aside from us and when it got busy, supervisor usually had to jump in as well (and usually hated it). It felt like we were constantly short staffed and days when 1 person would call out sick or be on vacation would suck. Being down 2 people was the worst.

Naturally when we both got hired, it became a race to see who could turn in their two weeks notice first. He printed his off and raced into GM’s office, walking out with a big smile. GM calls me in and offers me full time hours (after I had been requesting them for months).

I jumped in saying “Let me stop you right there, I’m also turning in my two weeks notice.”

Remembering that look of disbelief will make me smile every time. A solid professional Eff You is just as enjoyable to me as going out with a bang.

spikey182

7. Middle Management At Its Dumbest

Wrote a normal letter of resignation before I got in the shower one morning. No big deal. Got into the office and was straight ignored by management. Oh well, told you when my last day was.

Fast forward 3 days they pull me into a conference room to ask what it would take to keep me. I say nothing but don’t want to ruin them (sole IT manager for a staff of 70) and would be willing to consult part time. They liked that idea and said they’d be willing to pay me my current hourly as a consultant. I was prepared for this and told them that wasn’t what I said. I said that i would consult and my consulting rate was $200/hr. They were flabbergasted and insulted (I was making about $18/hr salary).

They thought it was insane even though they’d pay a consulting firm $600/hr when I was on vacation. Needless to say, having planned to quit it was no skin off my back and laughed about it. They didn’t take kindly to me laughing about their anger and told me to pack my shit. I did so, got an extra 10 days vacation paid out of it.

Cypher1710

8. AM Country Gold

1992: I was 19 and working at the most pissant radio station imaginable, “AM Country Gold”. The notoriously cheap, abusive and dishonest owner, a fella named “Wes,” had just screwed me out of a promised bonus. It was the latest in a long line of dishonest acts and I had had enough.

The rest of the sales team was afraid to stand up to Wes and he screamed abuse at them constantly (except the lone woman, who he sexually harassed). They were all in their 30’s & 40’s, working the same garbage job I was, but desperately needed it. I did not. So I engaged in a very public shouting match with Wes in the lobby, saying all the things everyone there had always wanted to say. Then I swept the contents of the front desk onto the floor and stormed out.

Instead of leaving, I went around the side of the building to a pay phone and called the radio station request line. In a fake Southern accent, I said, “Hey y’all, I just told my cheap, no good, lying piece of human garbage boss to go to hell. Play me out with, “Take this Job and Shove It,” and dedicate it to my former boss, Wes!”

The disc jockey had no idea what had just happened in the lobby, or that my Wes was “the” Wes, so he enthusiastically played my recorded dedication and added, “This one is for you Wes, choke on it you sack of crap!”

The building had speakers inside and out constantly playing the radio feed, so I got to hear Wes get clowned by his own radio station before driving off into the sunset.

LAND0KARDASHIAN

9. Over The P.A. System

Someone at my previous workplace (a huge grocery store in a large mall) went to the PA system we use to issue messages to the whole mall, and said something along the lines of “dear customers, managers and co-workers. I fucking quit”, and then proceeded to leave.

Focie

10. The Family Business

I used to work for my Father. It was probably the worst time of my life. He treated me like absolute shit, paid me very poorly, and made me work 70+ hours a week. I was young, just out of high school, and I complained about my predicament quite a lot. His response was always “if you don’t like it, there’s the door.”

6 months before I quit, he made me run his night shift, which meant 6PM -6:30AM Monday through Saturday. I was very unhappy about this, so I applied for another job. I got it, and went to my Father’s office with a list of demands, he responded with his usual reply, so I said, “Alright, I’ve gotten a job offer somewhere else, fuck you, I quit.”

The look on his face was priceless. He truly believed that because I had amazing job security that I’d be willing to put up with anything and that I’d stay there for my entire career. In one short, sweet instant, I proved to him that this was not the case, and he lost his most valuable employee.

The icing on the cake was the fact that the job that I left him for is at the company that manufactures the very machinery and software he relies on in business. So any time something goes wrong in his factory, he has to call me to fix it for him.

Your_Lower_Back

11. Using A Hidden Code

I wrote a respectful letter thanking them for the opportunity and all they’ve taught me.

The first letter of every sentence spelled out “Fuck <boss>”.

Nobody noticed.

InternetSpaceship

12. The Price You Have To Pay

I went up to HR to give my two weeks’ notice GTFO but before I could even get a word out, the HR lady flapped her hand at me and told me to come back in an hour because she was going on lunch. So I wrote “I QUIT!” on a piece of paper, signed and dated it, and left it on her desk.

She called me later to let me know that since I didn’t give two weeks’ notice, I would never be eligible to work for Kaufmann’s or Macy’s ever again. I told her I’d just have to live with that.

thebloodofthematador

13. “I Can’t Do This Anymore”

Worked in a video store when there was such a thing. My co-worker showed up very, very high. He was also about 6’3″ and 140 pounds, so he stood out in a crowd to begin with. Anyway, he came in for a 4 hour shift, stood in the middle of our bank of checkout registers…and just ate chips. Like, 6 bags of chips back to back, and he ate them SLOW, and savored the shit out of each bite. The whole time he had zero facial expression, think of the dull stare of a chewing dairy cow.

After about 3 hours he calmly turns to me and says “I can’t do this anymore”…gently sets down his bag of chips, and walks out the door. We never saw him in the store again.

Leumas_

14. A Total Mutiny

First job when i was 15 for a discount clothing brand store. Head manager was the aunt of our store manager who was 19. Our store manager did nothing most of the time and used to chat to her boyfriend and friends loudly on the store phone…much to the annoyance of everybody.

One night its come closing, we are grabbing our coats and getting ready to leave after a really busy day and the store manager storms in, telling us how she’s lowered the shutters and wont let us leave until we have helped her finish the one job she had all day to do cos her aunt is doing a “surprise” inspection in the morning. Everyone is pissed, especially the people who have had to watch her do literally nothing all day. She turns spiteful, threatening to delay our pays, dock our wages etc etc. All bullshit. For one woman it was the last straw (she had a kid to pick up from a club) so she waited till she left us alone to work, walked up to the shutters and pulled them up manually by hand. All of us crawled out to freedom.

We left her a note saying “Good luck explaining to your aunt why four people just quit.”

Cactusface987

15. Held Hostage

I was working for Argos as a Christmas job while studying. After a while it was becoming too much as I had to stay in work until deliveries were unpacked; this meant that some days I was leaving for college at 8.30am and not getting home until 1am that night.

One night it was a particularly large delivery and it was getting very late with no end in sight. I decided I’d had enough and told the supervisor I was finished, didn’t want to do the job anymore and wanted to go home. He rejected this and said that I was going nowhere until the delivery was unpacked. I stood in front of him and repeated that I quit therefore I don’t care about the delivery, completing my studies was more important to me than earning a bit of extra cash. He still said I was going nowhere and refused to unlock the door to let me out.

Despite feeling I had a case for false imprisonment I decided to take matters in to my own hands; I ran out the fire escape door and down the street never to return. I’ll always remember the sound of the fire escape door making a big DOOONG as it hit the metal railings and I made my escape to freedom.

StreakyMcMeeky

16. Burning Bridges With Jet Fuel

I worked for a law firm doing research and analysis. I wrote a custom program, on my own time, that would automate editing down these huge lists we’d get from an outside vendor, boiling it down to only what we wanted. First, only my team used the code. By the time I left, over 150 people were using it. Sounds minimal but it was actual a huge time saver. The program would boil down a list ~100 pages long down to about ~10 pages; a process we used to do manually a couple times a day.

A layoff was announced, I was part of the outplacement, but the firm wanted to continue using my program. I asked if there would be compensation as it was coded on my own time, never paid for it, etc. I was told no and “besides, there’s really nothing keeping us from still using it when you’re gone.”

For the remainder of my time (2 years), I would create patches whenever the format of the data changed. With my last patch, I put in code that would disable the program and erase key parts of the program one month after my last day. From what I understand from people still with the firm, on day X everyone came in, booted their machines, and the program was simply gone. Efficiency fell through the floor, delaying opening cases, billing clients, etc. I wanted 10k, they lost more than that in the first week without the program.

Photog1981

17. A Parting Gift To Her Co-Workers

During my exit interview I told HR the real reason I was leaving was due to the quality of the office chairs. I said they were an eyesore, uncomfortable and made me ashamed to come to work and resulted in sub-par job satisfaction.

Two weeks later I was told by previous co-workers everyone got brand new, top of the line office chairs.

jphiz

18. Don’t Piss Off Your Only Cook

At 16 I worked at a Dairy Queen Brazier in Texas. My Manager, was a jerk. One night, I sliced a good chunk of my thumb off because they did not have the proper safety equipment. After being out of work for 3 weeks, I returned to work. My thumb was still pretty screwed up, but I was trying. My Manager kept riding my ass, telling me I had to move faster (I was the only short order cook). When I saw three GreyHound buses pull up, I knew I was in trouble. She came back into the kitchen and said if I didn’t move fast for these buses she’d find someone who would. That was the last straw – I knew no one in the entire restaurant could cook. So I took her up on her threat and simply walked out the back door. She flipped me off as I drove away. My friends told me they hardly got any orders out and the buses left since they couldn’t get the food out. I felt bad for the people on the buses, but was sick of being berated by management.

sunrein

19. Out The Window

I got this.

Worked as a teen for McDonald’s for a month or two during the winter in the 90’s. We were understaffed and they usually had me working the deep sink and taking money at the drive thru. One day I come in at 4pm and the breakfast stuff is pilled to the ceiling at the sink because the day shift rolled out without taking care of it, as per usual.

There was a snowstorm this particular day and with the amount of dishes to do and the increasing frequency of running over and taking money from the window during the dinner rush my hands were beginning to hurt, then going completely numb. I let the manager know this wasn’t working out today and get blown off.

Fuck it, I crawl straight the fuck out of the money window without anyone noticing, at least no one on the staff. I get in my car and drive to the parking lot across the street and watch that dinner rush drive thru line back up out of the lot and down the street.

Seadgs

20. “I Don’t Want To Hear This”

I used to work for a telecommunications company.

My mom was very sick over the last 3 months of her life, so I had to go home most weekends to see her, it’s a 6 hour journey to get from where I worked to the town where I’m from. When her birthday came around, I requested a couple of days off that I had saved for this specific occasion. Yet, the days off were denied because we were approaching a busy time of year for sales. At this point, I hadn’t mentioned what was happening at home, because well, I was always taught that you keep your work and personal lives separate. But I said it to my boss, who, at the time, I saw as a pretty compassionate person. She never took any issue when I got sick or was late for whatever reason. But when I told her, she just looked at me point blank and said “I don’t want to hear this”.

After that meeting, I went back to my desk and sat there for about 20 minutes, thinking of a solution. That solution was to get my things, and just leave. I said goodbye to my friends on my way out, flipped my boss off and just walked out. I went straight to my car and drove back to my home town that night. It was the best decision I ever made.

I got to spend all my time with my mom before she went. We even got to go on a vacation and spend one last week away together because I had the time to do so. I’ll never, ever regret walking out that day.

Not exactly “hilarious”, but I had a good chuckle to myself on that drive home. The look on my boss’s face will never leave me. It was sweet.

IThinkIAmASofa

21. Work Night Turns Into Movie And A Beer

Worked in the cinema as a teenager. Came in late for work after they changed my schedule during my days off and didn’t think to mention it to me. Boss lost it and started shouting at me, as far as I’m concerned if you need to shout I ain’t listening. So let her rant away for a good 15 mins while I was at my locker clearing it out. When it finally clicked that I wasn’t listening or getting ready to work she stopped and asked what I’m doing I said ”going to see Lord of the Rings with the lads who’ve just finished as I’m doing nothing else with my evening. May go for a pint after. What’s your plans?”

definitelynotme_

22. Best Sales Day On His Last Day

I managed to find a telemarketing job as one of my first jobs. It sucked and we were treated like animals, but it was close enough that I could walk there from home. I only intended to stay long enough to afford a car.

One day, I realized that I had reached my set dollar amount for a car purchase. As a joke, I strayed as far from the sales pitch as possible. I changed my greeting to things like “Hey.” or “‘Sup?” I impersonated celebrity voices. People stopped working around me. They just listened in shock.

But it completely backfired.

It was my highest day of sales ever. I sold 10 times my average. The pit boss was bewildered, which is why I wasn’t fired right away (he listened in on all my calls that day). He begged me to stay, but I was out.

ShrugCorporation

23. Fighting The System By Using The System

My boss was a cunt, had me on a disciplinary for something that wasn’t my fault, and had my bonus taken off me. So i found a new job, threw out 2,500 worth of stock as technically the food hadn’t been stored away correctly, went above my boss and got head offices backing, then handed my notice in, knowing that id fucked his bonus up to. FUCK. THAT. GUY.

ssuperhanzz

24. This One Will Renew Your Faith In Humanity

My job at Chick-Fil-A had a tradition of pieing people in the face on their last day. Now I was the manager and didn’t trust the kids not to pie me when taking a complaint or during a rush or something, so I promised them if they’d wait until close in the parking lot, and if they got done cleaning on time, we’d do something special.

So I present to you: The Pie Gauntlet

I love my Chick-Fil-A family. Thanks for a great last closing. After 4 years of giving out my fair share of “Last Day Surprise Pies” we hosted THE GAUNTLET. Love and miss you guys.

A video posted by Alex Bennett (@spideybennett) on Jul 9, 2015 at 7:42pm PDT

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/11/30/24-hilarious-times-people-rage-quit-their-job-the-way-everyones-wanted-to/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/168027990232

[samanthasroberts]

24 HILARIOUS Times People Rage Quit Their Job The Way Everyone’s Wanted To

1. Does His Best By Quitting

17, hole in the wall popular non-chain fast food place. Worked 3 to 11.

A Friday. We needed a MINIMUM of 4 people to run the place. And that’s with everything getting totally trashed. 6-7 people was really what was needed.

Nobody showed up but me. Previous shift went home.Called the manager. No answer. Called the owner. ‘Just do the best you can’.

Turned off the lights, locked the door, put a sticky note on it that said ‘I quit’. And went home.

I did the best I could.

theawesomethatis

2. Quitting By Proxy

I knew a guy in high school who hated working at a movie theater. Called his boss and told him he wasn’t feeling well because he went hiking, got swarmed by bats, and got bit by one. Shows up later that evening to watch a movie with a cape and fake fangs in his mouth. Fired on the spot.

RIPmyFartbox

3. Last Day Making Pizzas

I used to work at a place that rhymes with “Pizza Hut” and the managers there were real cheapskates.

There was this nice old man that would come in every Sunday and order a triple extra cheese pizza and while they charged him for the 3x cheese, they would forbid us from ever actually putting that much cheese on a pizza because apparently cheese in the pizza selling world is akin to gold.

So instead of 3x extra cheese he would really be getting what the instructions would qualify as barely enough for a regular cheese pizza.

On the day my 2 weeks notice ended the old guy just happened to be my last order so I went into the walk-in and grabbed an entire box of cheese, proceeded to dump the entire thing onto his pizza and tossed it into oven. It was stacked so high that it couldn’t even fit into it and half of it was scraped off.

Anyways, the look on the old guy’s face when he saw me do this made it all worth it (imagine pure excitement). Needless to say I didn’t put the correct phone number down for future job references.

Not_A_Doctor_Venture

4. Popcorn And VHS

There was a UPS strike in the 90s and I was employed by them in high school as a sorter. Blockbuster Video at the time had this mail order deal where you’d get a VHS tape and bags of popcorn. Like a proto-Netflix thing I guess. Anyway, all these boxes full of microwave popcorn and VHS tapes would slide down the belt and about half of the popcorn bags would explode or break. After about an hour there was popcorn dust all over. I asked my boss for a mask, and he said that they didn’t have any. Some of the drivers walked by wearing masks, and I followed them and found a full cabinet full of masks. I confronted my boss, and he was like “the masks are for drivers, only”.

So I went back to the sorting area and just stopped working. I just stood there. The belts were backing up with these boxes of popcorn and they would burst and clouds of powdered popcorn butter would fill the air. I waited about 45 minutes before the belt shut off.

I walked out through a haze of popcorn dust, with alarms blaring, people running everywhere trying to figure out what was going on. A lot of people didn’t get their VHS tapes that week.

rikers_evil_twin

5.A “Certain” Coffee Chain

My wife worked for a certain chain coffee shop a few years back. She got another job, so requested reduced hours. This didn’t happen for 3 straight weeks.

During that third week, she had a soccer mom from hell try to get her attention, by throwing fucking snowballs at her through the drive-thru window. My wife then stopped what she was doing and tossed this soccer mom’s iced tea at her (which exploded everywhere) and slammed the window.

5 minutes later she had written her letter of resignation, with the only things she could find: a purple crayon and a sticky note.

The_MonBear

6. A Race To Quit First

Worked as a teller at a bank for a few years, GM and supervisor were both kind of crappy in their own ways. My buddy there was also a teller who felt similarly and wanted to get out. We started applying to places and both got interviews at the same company. As luck would have it, we both got hired and got phone calls about 10 minutes apart.

There was only one other teller aside from us and when it got busy, supervisor usually had to jump in as well (and usually hated it). It felt like we were constantly short staffed and days when 1 person would call out sick or be on vacation would suck. Being down 2 people was the worst.

Naturally when we both got hired, it became a race to see who could turn in their two weeks notice first. He printed his off and raced into GM’s office, walking out with a big smile. GM calls me in and offers me full time hours (after I had been requesting them for months).

I jumped in saying “Let me stop you right there, I’m also turning in my two weeks notice.”

Remembering that look of disbelief will make me smile every time. A solid professional Eff You is just as enjoyable to me as going out with a bang.

spikey182

7. Middle Management At Its Dumbest

Wrote a normal letter of resignation before I got in the shower one morning. No big deal. Got into the office and was straight ignored by management. Oh well, told you when my last day was.

Fast forward 3 days they pull me into a conference room to ask what it would take to keep me. I say nothing but don’t want to ruin them (sole IT manager for a staff of 70) and would be willing to consult part time. They liked that idea and said they’d be willing to pay me my current hourly as a consultant. I was prepared for this and told them that wasn’t what I said. I said that i would consult and my consulting rate was $200/hr. They were flabbergasted and insulted (I was making about $18/hr salary).

They thought it was insane even though they’d pay a consulting firm $600/hr when I was on vacation. Needless to say, having planned to quit it was no skin off my back and laughed about it. They didn’t take kindly to me laughing about their anger and told me to pack my shit. I did so, got an extra 10 days vacation paid out of it.

Cypher1710

8. AM Country Gold

1992: I was 19 and working at the most pissant radio station imaginable, “AM Country Gold”. The notoriously cheap, abusive and dishonest owner, a fella named “Wes,” had just screwed me out of a promised bonus. It was the latest in a long line of dishonest acts and I had had enough.

The rest of the sales team was afraid to stand up to Wes and he screamed abuse at them constantly (except the lone woman, who he sexually harassed). They were all in their 30’s & 40’s, working the same garbage job I was, but desperately needed it. I did not. So I engaged in a very public shouting match with Wes in the lobby, saying all the things everyone there had always wanted to say. Then I swept the contents of the front desk onto the floor and stormed out.

Instead of leaving, I went around the side of the building to a pay phone and called the radio station request line. In a fake Southern accent, I said, “Hey y’all, I just told my cheap, no good, lying piece of human garbage boss to go to hell. Play me out with, “Take this Job and Shove It,” and dedicate it to my former boss, Wes!”

The disc jockey had no idea what had just happened in the lobby, or that my Wes was “the” Wes, so he enthusiastically played my recorded dedication and added, “This one is for you Wes, choke on it you sack of crap!”

The building had speakers inside and out constantly playing the radio feed, so I got to hear Wes get clowned by his own radio station before driving off into the sunset.

LAND0KARDASHIAN

9. Over The P.A. System

Someone at my previous workplace (a huge grocery store in a large mall) went to the PA system we use to issue messages to the whole mall, and said something along the lines of “dear customers, managers and co-workers. I fucking quit”, and then proceeded to leave.

Focie

10. The Family Business

I used to work for my Father. It was probably the worst time of my life. He treated me like absolute shit, paid me very poorly, and made me work 70+ hours a week. I was young, just out of high school, and I complained about my predicament quite a lot. His response was always “if you don’t like it, there’s the door.”

6 months before I quit, he made me run his night shift, which meant 6PM -6:30AM Monday through Saturday. I was very unhappy about this, so I applied for another job. I got it, and went to my Father’s office with a list of demands, he responded with his usual reply, so I said, “Alright, I’ve gotten a job offer somewhere else, fuck you, I quit.”

The look on his face was priceless. He truly believed that because I had amazing job security that I’d be willing to put up with anything and that I’d stay there for my entire career. In one short, sweet instant, I proved to him that this was not the case, and he lost his most valuable employee.

The icing on the cake was the fact that the job that I left him for is at the company that manufactures the very machinery and software he relies on in business. So any time something goes wrong in his factory, he has to call me to fix it for him.

Your_Lower_Back

11. Using A Hidden Code

I wrote a respectful letter thanking them for the opportunity and all they’ve taught me.

The first letter of every sentence spelled out “Fuck <boss>”.

Nobody noticed.

InternetSpaceship

12. The Price You Have To Pay

I went up to HR to give my two weeks’ notice GTFO but before I could even get a word out, the HR lady flapped her hand at me and told me to come back in an hour because she was going on lunch. So I wrote “I QUIT!” on a piece of paper, signed and dated it, and left it on her desk.

She called me later to let me know that since I didn’t give two weeks’ notice, I would never be eligible to work for Kaufmann’s or Macy’s ever again. I told her I’d just have to live with that.

thebloodofthematador

13. “I Can’t Do This Anymore”

Worked in a video store when there was such a thing. My co-worker showed up very, very high. He was also about 6’3″ and 140 pounds, so he stood out in a crowd to begin with. Anyway, he came in for a 4 hour shift, stood in the middle of our bank of checkout registers…and just ate chips. Like, 6 bags of chips back to back, and he ate them SLOW, and savored the shit out of each bite. The whole time he had zero facial expression, think of the dull stare of a chewing dairy cow.

After about 3 hours he calmly turns to me and says “I can’t do this anymore”…gently sets down his bag of chips, and walks out the door. We never saw him in the store again.

Leumas_

14. A Total Mutiny

First job when i was 15 for a discount clothing brand store. Head manager was the aunt of our store manager who was 19. Our store manager did nothing most of the time and used to chat to her boyfriend and friends loudly on the store phone…much to the annoyance of everybody.

One night its come closing, we are grabbing our coats and getting ready to leave after a really busy day and the store manager storms in, telling us how she’s lowered the shutters and wont let us leave until we have helped her finish the one job she had all day to do cos her aunt is doing a “surprise” inspection in the morning. Everyone is pissed, especially the people who have had to watch her do literally nothing all day. She turns spiteful, threatening to delay our pays, dock our wages etc etc. All bullshit. For one woman it was the last straw (she had a kid to pick up from a club) so she waited till she left us alone to work, walked up to the shutters and pulled them up manually by hand. All of us crawled out to freedom.

We left her a note saying “Good luck explaining to your aunt why four people just quit.”

Cactusface987

15. Held Hostage

I was working for Argos as a Christmas job while studying. After a while it was becoming too much as I had to stay in work until deliveries were unpacked; this meant that some days I was leaving for college at 8.30am and not getting home until 1am that night.

One night it was a particularly large delivery and it was getting very late with no end in sight. I decided I’d had enough and told the supervisor I was finished, didn’t want to do the job anymore and wanted to go home. He rejected this and said that I was going nowhere until the delivery was unpacked. I stood in front of him and repeated that I quit therefore I don’t care about the delivery, completing my studies was more important to me than earning a bit of extra cash. He still said I was going nowhere and refused to unlock the door to let me out.

Despite feeling I had a case for false imprisonment I decided to take matters in to my own hands; I ran out the fire escape door and down the street never to return. I’ll always remember the sound of the fire escape door making a big DOOONG as it hit the metal railings and I made my escape to freedom.

StreakyMcMeeky

16. Burning Bridges With Jet Fuel

I worked for a law firm doing research and analysis. I wrote a custom program, on my own time, that would automate editing down these huge lists we’d get from an outside vendor, boiling it down to only what we wanted. First, only my team used the code. By the time I left, over 150 people were using it. Sounds minimal but it was actual a huge time saver. The program would boil down a list ~100 pages long down to about ~10 pages; a process we used to do manually a couple times a day.

A layoff was announced, I was part of the outplacement, but the firm wanted to continue using my program. I asked if there would be compensation as it was coded on my own time, never paid for it, etc. I was told no and “besides, there’s really nothing keeping us from still using it when you’re gone.”

For the remainder of my time (2 years), I would create patches whenever the format of the data changed. With my last patch, I put in code that would disable the program and erase key parts of the program one month after my last day. From what I understand from people still with the firm, on day X everyone came in, booted their machines, and the program was simply gone. Efficiency fell through the floor, delaying opening cases, billing clients, etc. I wanted 10k, they lost more than that in the first week without the program.

Photog1981

17. A Parting Gift To Her Co-Workers

During my exit interview I told HR the real reason I was leaving was due to the quality of the office chairs. I said they were an eyesore, uncomfortable and made me ashamed to come to work and resulted in sub-par job satisfaction.

Two weeks later I was told by previous co-workers everyone got brand new, top of the line office chairs.

jphiz

18. Don’t Piss Off Your Only Cook

At 16 I worked at a Dairy Queen Brazier in Texas. My Manager, was a jerk. One night, I sliced a good chunk of my thumb off because they did not have the proper safety equipment. After being out of work for 3 weeks, I returned to work. My thumb was still pretty screwed up, but I was trying. My Manager kept riding my ass, telling me I had to move faster (I was the only short order cook). When I saw three GreyHound buses pull up, I knew I was in trouble. She came back into the kitchen and said if I didn’t move fast for these buses she’d find someone who would. That was the last straw – I knew no one in the entire restaurant could cook. So I took her up on her threat and simply walked out the back door. She flipped me off as I drove away. My friends told me they hardly got any orders out and the buses left since they couldn’t get the food out. I felt bad for the people on the buses, but was sick of being berated by management.

sunrein

19. Out The Window

I got this.

Worked as a teen for McDonald’s for a month or two during the winter in the 90’s. We were understaffed and they usually had me working the deep sink and taking money at the drive thru. One day I come in at 4pm and the breakfast stuff is pilled to the ceiling at the sink because the day shift rolled out without taking care of it, as per usual.

There was a snowstorm this particular day and with the amount of dishes to do and the increasing frequency of running over and taking money from the window during the dinner rush my hands were beginning to hurt, then going completely numb. I let the manager know this wasn’t working out today and get blown off.

Fuck it, I crawl straight the fuck out of the money window without anyone noticing, at least no one on the staff. I get in my car and drive to the parking lot across the street and watch that dinner rush drive thru line back up out of the lot and down the street.

Seadgs

20. “I Don’t Want To Hear This”

I used to work for a telecommunications company.

My mom was very sick over the last 3 months of her life, so I had to go home most weekends to see her, it’s a 6 hour journey to get from where I worked to the town where I’m from. When her birthday came around, I requested a couple of days off that I had saved for this specific occasion. Yet, the days off were denied because we were approaching a busy time of year for sales. At this point, I hadn’t mentioned what was happening at home, because well, I was always taught that you keep your work and personal lives separate. But I said it to my boss, who, at the time, I saw as a pretty compassionate person. She never took any issue when I got sick or was late for whatever reason. But when I told her, she just looked at me point blank and said “I don’t want to hear this”.

After that meeting, I went back to my desk and sat there for about 20 minutes, thinking of a solution. That solution was to get my things, and just leave. I said goodbye to my friends on my way out, flipped my boss off and just walked out. I went straight to my car and drove back to my home town that night. It was the best decision I ever made.

I got to spend all my time with my mom before she went. We even got to go on a vacation and spend one last week away together because I had the time to do so. I’ll never, ever regret walking out that day.

Not exactly “hilarious”, but I had a good chuckle to myself on that drive home. The look on my boss’s face will never leave me. It was sweet.

IThinkIAmASofa

21. Work Night Turns Into Movie And A Beer

Worked in the cinema as a teenager. Came in late for work after they changed my schedule during my days off and didn’t think to mention it to me. Boss lost it and started shouting at me, as far as I’m concerned if you need to shout I ain’t listening. So let her rant away for a good 15 mins while I was at my locker clearing it out. When it finally clicked that I wasn’t listening or getting ready to work she stopped and asked what I’m doing I said ”going to see Lord of the Rings with the lads who’ve just finished as I’m doing nothing else with my evening. May go for a pint after. What’s your plans?”

definitelynotme_

22. Best Sales Day On His Last Day

I managed to find a telemarketing job as one of my first jobs. It sucked and we were treated like animals, but it was close enough that I could walk there from home. I only intended to stay long enough to afford a car.

One day, I realized that I had reached my set dollar amount for a car purchase. As a joke, I strayed as far from the sales pitch as possible. I changed my greeting to things like “Hey.” or “‘Sup?” I impersonated celebrity voices. People stopped working around me. They just listened in shock.

But it completely backfired.

It was my highest day of sales ever. I sold 10 times my average. The pit boss was bewildered, which is why I wasn’t fired right away (he listened in on all my calls that day). He begged me to stay, but I was out.

ShrugCorporation

23. Fighting The System By Using The System

My boss was a cunt, had me on a disciplinary for something that wasn’t my fault, and had my bonus taken off me. So i found a new job, threw out 2,500 worth of stock as technically the food hadn’t been stored away correctly, went above my boss and got head offices backing, then handed my notice in, knowing that id fucked his bonus up to. FUCK. THAT. GUY.

ssuperhanzz

24. This One Will Renew Your Faith In Humanity

My job at Chick-Fil-A had a tradition of pieing people in the face on their last day. Now I was the manager and didn’t trust the kids not to pie me when taking a complaint or during a rush or something, so I promised them if they’d wait until close in the parking lot, and if they got done cleaning on time, we’d do something special.

So I present to you: The Pie Gauntlet

I love my Chick-Fil-A family. Thanks for a great last closing. After 4 years of giving out my fair share of "Last Day Surprise Pies" we hosted THE GAUNTLET. Love and miss you guys.

A video posted by Alex Bennett (@spideybennett) on Jul 9, 2015 at 7:42pm PDT

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/11/30/24-hilarious-times-people-rage-quit-their-job-the-way-everyones-wanted-to/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/11/30/24-hilarious-times-people-rage-quit-their-job-the-way-everyones-wanted-to/

[allofbeercom]

24 HILARIOUS Times People Rage Quit Their Job The Way Everyone’s Wanted To

1. Does His Best By Quitting

17, hole in the wall popular non-chain fast food place. Worked 3 to 11.

A Friday. We needed a MINIMUM of 4 people to run the place. And that’s with everything getting totally trashed. 6-7 people was really what was needed.

Nobody showed up but me. Previous shift went home.Called the manager. No answer. Called the owner. ‘Just do the best you can’.

Turned off the lights, locked the door, put a sticky note on it that said ‘I quit’. And went home.

I did the best I could.

theawesomethatis

2. Quitting By Proxy

I knew a guy in high school who hated working at a movie theater. Called his boss and told him he wasn’t feeling well because he went hiking, got swarmed by bats, and got bit by one. Shows up later that evening to watch a movie with a cape and fake fangs in his mouth. Fired on the spot.

RIPmyFartbox

3. Last Day Making Pizzas

I used to work at a place that rhymes with “Pizza Hut” and the managers there were real cheapskates.

There was this nice old man that would come in every Sunday and order a triple extra cheese pizza and while they charged him for the 3x cheese, they would forbid us from ever actually putting that much cheese on a pizza because apparently cheese in the pizza selling world is akin to gold.

So instead of 3x extra cheese he would really be getting what the instructions would qualify as barely enough for a regular cheese pizza.

On the day my 2 weeks notice ended the old guy just happened to be my last order so I went into the walk-in and grabbed an entire box of cheese, proceeded to dump the entire thing onto his pizza and tossed it into oven. It was stacked so high that it couldn’t even fit into it and half of it was scraped off.

Anyways, the look on the old guy’s face when he saw me do this made it all worth it (imagine pure excitement). Needless to say I didn’t put the correct phone number down for future job references.

Not_A_Doctor_Venture

4. Popcorn And VHS

There was a UPS strike in the 90s and I was employed by them in high school as a sorter. Blockbuster Video at the time had this mail order deal where you’d get a VHS tape and bags of popcorn. Like a proto-Netflix thing I guess. Anyway, all these boxes full of microwave popcorn and VHS tapes would slide down the belt and about half of the popcorn bags would explode or break. After about an hour there was popcorn dust all over. I asked my boss for a mask, and he said that they didn’t have any. Some of the drivers walked by wearing masks, and I followed them and found a full cabinet full of masks. I confronted my boss, and he was like “the masks are for drivers, only”.

So I went back to the sorting area and just stopped working. I just stood there. The belts were backing up with these boxes of popcorn and they would burst and clouds of powdered popcorn butter would fill the air. I waited about 45 minutes before the belt shut off.

I walked out through a haze of popcorn dust, with alarms blaring, people running everywhere trying to figure out what was going on. A lot of people didn’t get their VHS tapes that week.

rikers_evil_twin

5.A “Certain” Coffee Chain

My wife worked for a certain chain coffee shop a few years back. She got another job, so requested reduced hours. This didn’t happen for 3 straight weeks.

During that third week, she had a soccer mom from hell try to get her attention, by throwing fucking snowballs at her through the drive-thru window. My wife then stopped what she was doing and tossed this soccer mom’s iced tea at her (which exploded everywhere) and slammed the window.

5 minutes later she had written her letter of resignation, with the only things she could find: a purple crayon and a sticky note.

The_MonBear

6. A Race To Quit First

Worked as a teller at a bank for a few years, GM and supervisor were both kind of crappy in their own ways. My buddy there was also a teller who felt similarly and wanted to get out. We started applying to places and both got interviews at the same company. As luck would have it, we both got hired and got phone calls about 10 minutes apart.

There was only one other teller aside from us and when it got busy, supervisor usually had to jump in as well (and usually hated it). It felt like we were constantly short staffed and days when 1 person would call out sick or be on vacation would suck. Being down 2 people was the worst.

Naturally when we both got hired, it became a race to see who could turn in their two weeks notice first. He printed his off and raced into GM’s office, walking out with a big smile. GM calls me in and offers me full time hours (after I had been requesting them for months).

I jumped in saying “Let me stop you right there, I’m also turning in my two weeks notice.”

Remembering that look of disbelief will make me smile every time. A solid professional Eff You is just as enjoyable to me as going out with a bang.

spikey182

7. Middle Management At Its Dumbest

Wrote a normal letter of resignation before I got in the shower one morning. No big deal. Got into the office and was straight ignored by management. Oh well, told you when my last day was.

Fast forward 3 days they pull me into a conference room to ask what it would take to keep me. I say nothing but don’t want to ruin them (sole IT manager for a staff of 70) and would be willing to consult part time. They liked that idea and said they’d be willing to pay me my current hourly as a consultant. I was prepared for this and told them that wasn’t what I said. I said that i would consult and my consulting rate was $200/hr. They were flabbergasted and insulted (I was making about $18/hr salary).

They thought it was insane even though they’d pay a consulting firm $600/hr when I was on vacation. Needless to say, having planned to quit it was no skin off my back and laughed about it. They didn’t take kindly to me laughing about their anger and told me to pack my shit. I did so, got an extra 10 days vacation paid out of it.

Cypher1710

8. AM Country Gold

1992: I was 19 and working at the most pissant radio station imaginable, “AM Country Gold”. The notoriously cheap, abusive and dishonest owner, a fella named “Wes,” had just screwed me out of a promised bonus. It was the latest in a long line of dishonest acts and I had had enough.

The rest of the sales team was afraid to stand up to Wes and he screamed abuse at them constantly (except the lone woman, who he sexually harassed). They were all in their 30’s & 40’s, working the same garbage job I was, but desperately needed it. I did not. So I engaged in a very public shouting match with Wes in the lobby, saying all the things everyone there had always wanted to say. Then I swept the contents of the front desk onto the floor and stormed out.

Instead of leaving, I went around the side of the building to a pay phone and called the radio station request line. In a fake Southern accent, I said, “Hey y’all, I just told my cheap, no good, lying piece of human garbage boss to go to hell. Play me out with, “Take this Job and Shove It,” and dedicate it to my former boss, Wes!”

The disc jockey had no idea what had just happened in the lobby, or that my Wes was “the” Wes, so he enthusiastically played my recorded dedication and added, “This one is for you Wes, choke on it you sack of crap!”

The building had speakers inside and out constantly playing the radio feed, so I got to hear Wes get clowned by his own radio station before driving off into the sunset.

LAND0KARDASHIAN

9. Over The P.A. System

Someone at my previous workplace (a huge grocery store in a large mall) went to the PA system we use to issue messages to the whole mall, and said something along the lines of “dear customers, managers and co-workers. I fucking quit”, and then proceeded to leave.

Focie

10. The Family Business

I used to work for my Father. It was probably the worst time of my life. He treated me like absolute shit, paid me very poorly, and made me work 70+ hours a week. I was young, just out of high school, and I complained about my predicament quite a lot. His response was always “if you don’t like it, there’s the door.”

6 months before I quit, he made me run his night shift, which meant 6PM -6:30AM Monday through Saturday. I was very unhappy about this, so I applied for another job. I got it, and went to my Father’s office with a list of demands, he responded with his usual reply, so I said, “Alright, I’ve gotten a job offer somewhere else, fuck you, I quit.”

The look on his face was priceless. He truly believed that because I had amazing job security that I’d be willing to put up with anything and that I’d stay there for my entire career. In one short, sweet instant, I proved to him that this was not the case, and he lost his most valuable employee.

The icing on the cake was the fact that the job that I left him for is at the company that manufactures the very machinery and software he relies on in business. So any time something goes wrong in his factory, he has to call me to fix it for him.

Your_Lower_Back

11. Using A Hidden Code

I wrote a respectful letter thanking them for the opportunity and all they’ve taught me.

The first letter of every sentence spelled out “Fuck <boss>”.

Nobody noticed.

InternetSpaceship

12. The Price You Have To Pay

I went up to HR to give my two weeks’ notice GTFO but before I could even get a word out, the HR lady flapped her hand at me and told me to come back in an hour because she was going on lunch. So I wrote “I QUIT!” on a piece of paper, signed and dated it, and left it on her desk.

She called me later to let me know that since I didn’t give two weeks’ notice, I would never be eligible to work for Kaufmann’s or Macy’s ever again. I told her I’d just have to live with that.

thebloodofthematador

13. “I Can’t Do This Anymore”

Worked in a video store when there was such a thing. My co-worker showed up very, very high. He was also about 6’3″ and 140 pounds, so he stood out in a crowd to begin with. Anyway, he came in for a 4 hour shift, stood in the middle of our bank of checkout registers…and just ate chips. Like, 6 bags of chips back to back, and he ate them SLOW, and savored the shit out of each bite. The whole time he had zero facial expression, think of the dull stare of a chewing dairy cow.

After about 3 hours he calmly turns to me and says “I can’t do this anymore”…gently sets down his bag of chips, and walks out the door. We never saw him in the store again.

Leumas_

14. A Total Mutiny

First job when i was 15 for a discount clothing brand store. Head manager was the aunt of our store manager who was 19. Our store manager did nothing most of the time and used to chat to her boyfriend and friends loudly on the store phone…much to the annoyance of everybody.

One night its come closing, we are grabbing our coats and getting ready to leave after a really busy day and the store manager storms in, telling us how she’s lowered the shutters and wont let us leave until we have helped her finish the one job she had all day to do cos her aunt is doing a “surprise” inspection in the morning. Everyone is pissed, especially the people who have had to watch her do literally nothing all day. She turns spiteful, threatening to delay our pays, dock our wages etc etc. All bullshit. For one woman it was the last straw (she had a kid to pick up from a club) so she waited till she left us alone to work, walked up to the shutters and pulled them up manually by hand. All of us crawled out to freedom.

We left her a note saying “Good luck explaining to your aunt why four people just quit.”

Cactusface987

15. Held Hostage

I was working for Argos as a Christmas job while studying. After a while it was becoming too much as I had to stay in work until deliveries were unpacked; this meant that some days I was leaving for college at 8.30am and not getting home until 1am that night.

One night it was a particularly large delivery and it was getting very late with no end in sight. I decided I’d had enough and told the supervisor I was finished, didn’t want to do the job anymore and wanted to go home. He rejected this and said that I was going nowhere until the delivery was unpacked. I stood in front of him and repeated that I quit therefore I don’t care about the delivery, completing my studies was more important to me than earning a bit of extra cash. He still said I was going nowhere and refused to unlock the door to let me out.

Despite feeling I had a case for false imprisonment I decided to take matters in to my own hands; I ran out the fire escape door and down the street never to return. I’ll always remember the sound of the fire escape door making a big DOOONG as it hit the metal railings and I made my escape to freedom.

StreakyMcMeeky

16. Burning Bridges With Jet Fuel

I worked for a law firm doing research and analysis. I wrote a custom program, on my own time, that would automate editing down these huge lists we’d get from an outside vendor, boiling it down to only what we wanted. First, only my team used the code. By the time I left, over 150 people were using it. Sounds minimal but it was actual a huge time saver. The program would boil down a list ~100 pages long down to about ~10 pages; a process we used to do manually a couple times a day.

A layoff was announced, I was part of the outplacement, but the firm wanted to continue using my program. I asked if there would be compensation as it was coded on my own time, never paid for it, etc. I was told no and “besides, there’s really nothing keeping us from still using it when you’re gone.”

For the remainder of my time (2 years), I would create patches whenever the format of the data changed. With my last patch, I put in code that would disable the program and erase key parts of the program one month after my last day. From what I understand from people still with the firm, on day X everyone came in, booted their machines, and the program was simply gone. Efficiency fell through the floor, delaying opening cases, billing clients, etc. I wanted 10k, they lost more than that in the first week without the program.

Photog1981

17. A Parting Gift To Her Co-Workers

During my exit interview I told HR the real reason I was leaving was due to the quality of the office chairs. I said they were an eyesore, uncomfortable and made me ashamed to come to work and resulted in sub-par job satisfaction.

Two weeks later I was told by previous co-workers everyone got brand new, top of the line office chairs.

jphiz

18. Don’t Piss Off Your Only Cook

At 16 I worked at a Dairy Queen Brazier in Texas. My Manager, was a jerk. One night, I sliced a good chunk of my thumb off because they did not have the proper safety equipment. After being out of work for 3 weeks, I returned to work. My thumb was still pretty screwed up, but I was trying. My Manager kept riding my ass, telling me I had to move faster (I was the only short order cook). When I saw three GreyHound buses pull up, I knew I was in trouble. She came back into the kitchen and said if I didn’t move fast for these buses she’d find someone who would. That was the last straw – I knew no one in the entire restaurant could cook. So I took her up on her threat and simply walked out the back door. She flipped me off as I drove away. My friends told me they hardly got any orders out and the buses left since they couldn’t get the food out. I felt bad for the people on the buses, but was sick of being berated by management.

sunrein

19. Out The Window

I got this.

Worked as a teen for McDonald’s for a month or two during the winter in the 90’s. We were understaffed and they usually had me working the deep sink and taking money at the drive thru. One day I come in at 4pm and the breakfast stuff is pilled to the ceiling at the sink because the day shift rolled out without taking care of it, as per usual.

There was a snowstorm this particular day and with the amount of dishes to do and the increasing frequency of running over and taking money from the window during the dinner rush my hands were beginning to hurt, then going completely numb. I let the manager know this wasn’t working out today and get blown off.

Fuck it, I crawl straight the fuck out of the money window without anyone noticing, at least no one on the staff. I get in my car and drive to the parking lot across the street and watch that dinner rush drive thru line back up out of the lot and down the street.

Seadgs

20. “I Don’t Want To Hear This”

I used to work for a telecommunications company.

My mom was very sick over the last 3 months of her life, so I had to go home most weekends to see her, it’s a 6 hour journey to get from where I worked to the town where I’m from. When her birthday came around, I requested a couple of days off that I had saved for this specific occasion. Yet, the days off were denied because we were approaching a busy time of year for sales. At this point, I hadn’t mentioned what was happening at home, because well, I was always taught that you keep your work and personal lives separate. But I said it to my boss, who, at the time, I saw as a pretty compassionate person. She never took any issue when I got sick or was late for whatever reason. But when I told her, she just looked at me point blank and said “I don’t want to hear this”.

After that meeting, I went back to my desk and sat there for about 20 minutes, thinking of a solution. That solution was to get my things, and just leave. I said goodbye to my friends on my way out, flipped my boss off and just walked out. I went straight to my car and drove back to my home town that night. It was the best decision I ever made.

I got to spend all my time with my mom before she went. We even got to go on a vacation and spend one last week away together because I had the time to do so. I’ll never, ever regret walking out that day.

Not exactly “hilarious”, but I had a good chuckle to myself on that drive home. The look on my boss’s face will never leave me. It was sweet.

IThinkIAmASofa

21. Work Night Turns Into Movie And A Beer

Worked in the cinema as a teenager. Came in late for work after they changed my schedule during my days off and didn’t think to mention it to me. Boss lost it and started shouting at me, as far as I’m concerned if you need to shout I ain’t listening. So let her rant away for a good 15 mins while I was at my locker clearing it out. When it finally clicked that I wasn’t listening or getting ready to work she stopped and asked what I’m doing I said ”going to see Lord of the Rings with the lads who’ve just finished as I’m doing nothing else with my evening. May go for a pint after. What’s your plans?”

definitelynotme_

22. Best Sales Day On His Last Day

I managed to find a telemarketing job as one of my first jobs. It sucked and we were treated like animals, but it was close enough that I could walk there from home. I only intended to stay long enough to afford a car.

One day, I realized that I had reached my set dollar amount for a car purchase. As a joke, I strayed as far from the sales pitch as possible. I changed my greeting to things like “Hey.” or “‘Sup?” I impersonated celebrity voices. People stopped working around me. They just listened in shock.

But it completely backfired.

It was my highest day of sales ever. I sold 10 times my average. The pit boss was bewildered, which is why I wasn’t fired right away (he listened in on all my calls that day). He begged me to stay, but I was out.

ShrugCorporation

23. Fighting The System By Using The System

My boss was a cunt, had me on a disciplinary for something that wasn’t my fault, and had my bonus taken off me. So i found a new job, threw out 2,500 worth of stock as technically the food hadn’t been stored away correctly, went above my boss and got head offices backing, then handed my notice in, knowing that id fucked his bonus up to. FUCK. THAT. GUY.

ssuperhanzz

24. This One Will Renew Your Faith In Humanity

My job at Chick-Fil-A had a tradition of pieing people in the face on their last day. Now I was the manager and didn’t trust the kids not to pie me when taking a complaint or during a rush or something, so I promised them if they’d wait until close in the parking lot, and if they got done cleaning on time, we’d do something special.

So I present to you: The Pie Gauntlet

I love my Chick-Fil-A family. Thanks for a great last closing. After 4 years of giving out my fair share of "Last Day Surprise Pies" we hosted THE GAUNTLET. Love and miss you guys.

A video posted by Alex Bennett (@spideybennett) on Jul 9, 2015 at 7:42pm PDT

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/11/30/24-hilarious-times-people-rage-quit-their-job-the-way-everyones-wanted-to/

[redlemonz]

Day #28

Four weeks since sick-day Monday. A whole February's worth of a month, and it's the 21st too - my favourite new unlucky number. I can already tell it's going to be an absolutely splendid day and return to the workplace. My thoughts, along with time as my usual brain's archenemy, instantly strike down the usual Monday morning anxiety upon me. Shivers spark inside my spine, though I am not actually cold. If only I could escape this and sleep another horrendous morning away. Unfortunately I've already used up my quota for a sick day this month as at my last sick-day Friday, and am feeing sane enough to realise that my mind needs to be focused on some work anyway to divert its attention temporarily. It's alright too, because I'm pretty much use to the anxiety by now as it's mostly under my control these days (or so I like to tell myself anyway). It also helps that she's actually contributed to reducing it greatly through making her presence apparent in my life. Another smiley face, exchange of emojis and so on, via digital communication last night is more than sufficient to ensure my stability is in tact. Not that I'm relying on her at all or anything, it just so happens that she can naturally provide such a positive effect upon my life without even really trying. I'm quite over this empty feeling though - just getting by, living each day with a lack of physical emotion being exhibited upon my face for the majority. My expressionless gaze which stares back at me in the mirror displays just that - it doesn't really give a shit about all that much anymore. Everything's kind of just blankly existing around me, and here I am, dead inside and floating by as an insignificant spec of dust. So suck me into this equally empty vacuum and be done with it already. Day 28 - Bad company "I don't want to see you" are the words which continue to echo over and over again in my head, from our conversation four nights ago. Even though we're seemingly on good terms, can talk regularly and exchange photos now and then, hearing those words on repeat are still simply painful and can bring a tear to anyone's eyes. I know where she's coming from obviously, and that it's probably not ideal given the circumstances to see each other, but that general statement can regardlessly be scarring and be lodged against my insecurities sadly - because I allow it to. I can't help that it makes me feel so unwanted and minuscule, as if I don't even matter. I can't stop thinking about it either, because I want to be able to confirm to myself that I am indeed not worth the time and effort as is the belief that's been preached into me countlessly. Driving this knife into myself deeper helps me prepare for whatever future disappointments await around the corner in my life, reaffirming the pessimistic elements in my life that I extensively lost when I was with her (yup, my negativity during us being together was surprisingly a growing improvement). It sucks, but it is intrinsic that I must attain back that greater sense of negativity as otherwise my vulnerability factor is enlarged, by my own flawed mechanisms. That instrument to my own destruction being that my mind believes for some whacky reason (although true) that there is definitely some correlation between one's level of positivity and their general expectations. Anyway, what I'm really trying to get at is that work sucked. I spoke little words on a verbal scale, but my fingers on a keyboard spoke volumes on the digital screen of success. The more stuff that's on there, the more work you're doing obviously, right? Nevertheless, I got swamped with every task on a bloody Monday that supposedly just so happened to be urgent, even though they don't bother using the damn red exclamation mark in the emails to attribute it accordingly so. Yes, I'm finding any excuse to sprinkle my salt (careful with your mind) towards work today because it wasn't actually all too bad when it comes down to it, but once in a while it's nice to blame something else for my own catastrophic internal suffering. Man, what really got me was another regrettable memory I was itching to forget, but of course, fate always finds a way to remind me of the asshole I am. One of three was thrilling us with his weekend meal escapades (yes, food is stimulating stuff - quite literally if I may add, energy homeostasis and stuff. Do I even science? Fuck yeah.. on rare occasions). He went to this exorbitant buffet restaurant with his family and friends, situated in a hotel, named after simply a number which corresponds to the various cuisine-kitchens on offer. The beginning of that story was more than sufficient in sparking another moment of repentance, as she accompanied my hand there one night for a special dinner date I had booked (which she even dressed up and looked absolutely stunning for), and at which I behaved as an impolite and rude bastard. It's sad too really, because I would tend to pride myself upon chivalry, out of the limited bucket of anything that I even have to offer at all. To be completely straightforward about my sins (and goodness I hate admitting this), I put the food before her. As soon as I'd be done finishing a plate, I wouldn't hesitate to simply get up and proceed towards another serving whilst she sat and ate her meal on her own.. on multiple occasions. I ruined another nice evening for us, through my own selfishness and lack of thought about her in that moment. What's worse is that it was our unofficial anniversary (I booked the reservation in as our anniversary with the belief we may likely attain some freebies, and huzzah - gourmet chocolates.. would've been a proud moment if I wasn't such a dick that night). I was just an unforgivably bad date as a result, and offered poor company to this beautiful Princess (excuse me - Queen) whom I took for granted, on a dynamically visible level. Another apology which shouldn't have ever been required if I could have just had basic common courtesy for the woman I love. At least I was fortunate enough to receive another chance during one of the occasions in which I visited her down in snowy mountain town. We attended another buffet, named after that historically famous Mongolian warlord, where I remembered my faults and attempted to redeem myself - and hey, what a surprise, it was a really enjoyable night in each other's company. Might I add that I happen to have had a corresponding song, with regards to said historically famous Mongolian warlord, which has been stuck in my head the whole day courtesy of her. Might I also say, that she video snapped me herself singing along to the radio on the way to, and from work today, which brought a radiant glow of blissful happiness to my maniacal Monday. Three different friends reached out to me today - what a wonderful coincidence. Blondie, the mastermind and I don't think I've mentioned my lovely, but unofficial ditzy sibling who renamed her last name on social media to match my fake last name for over a year (because said last name is a loveable Turkish dip that resembles my actual last name when sounded aloud.. on a somewhat loose tangent, and is also variably dependant upon one's accent). Anyway, all three were sweetly inviting me to various future events - some that I can dodge when the time comes, and one I can decline straightaway. Not doing a great job at not being a dick, clearly, but trust me when I can reaffirm that I'm still not quite ready to be the negative nick of the group (that 'n' deserves to remain a lowercase, because it's not worthy of being labelled proper). My company will purely not even be that of adequate quality, and it's subsequently better for others that it's avoided as a result. So of course I had limited responses to each, and abruptly wished them a nice week ahead, because I still can't commit myself to a conversation when my primary sensations are emptiness and heartbreak. Also my dippy sibling, better known as The Colonel (pronounced Call-oh-nell according to her, when ordering fried chicken) asked me if I'm free on the weekend to assist her with purchasing her first vehicle, and insisted that I could provide some useful "manly input". I have to acknowledge that she is one of the sweetest and most treasured people in my life, before I can simply acclaim, what the fuck? My track record with owning cars is pretty well known among my inner circles. I've wasted over $10,000 (which would be much greater than my current savings account) on two European cars which didn't even last a year - combined. I've then decided after those bad decisions that purchasing brand new would be the genius alternative, so there's another $26,000 not well spent on which I'm finally finishing repayments upon by the end of this year. My street smart knowledge of cars may as well be the equivalent to some douchebag who sticks black stripes unevenly upon only the front hood of his red car to make it go faster. Oh wait, I am that idiotic douchebag. Nevertheless, I can't afford to have any contributing role in assisting the Colonel with her purchase as anything I say or do can and will be used against me in the court of my mind. So if something were to go wrong or be out of order, it's common knowledge by now to gather where the unforgiving blame, failure and consequent punishment would be suffered. I can't risk that on my lack of a conscience, therefore I kindly apologised and referred her to other potential professionals in the matter. Even my better half knew that I was down right stupid when it came to cars. She's got a hatchback as old as I essentially am, and it's probably still the more efficient and universally favourable option between our two cars. That's because she actually has the logic I seem to perpetually lack.. damn, I'm going to fail without her. All I want now is to be able to sit beside her in that car again, holding her hand (when we're not at risk of crashing towards our deaths), or resting mine lovingly upon her thigh, as we sing along to the stereo as the beautiful lunatics we are together.