#i have been writing a little but mostly just sleeping n getting my appetite back

[oxymorayuri]

HI YURII, i absolutely adore the way you write and i wanted to request some hc’s or a small fic abt law reaction to reader’s pregnancy, likeee how’d he react after telling him and how those 9 months would affect law’s personality and relationship w reader

but only if u want too ofc! thx and have a wonderful dayy <3

A/N: Hi there, my darling ♡

How can I refuse such a lovely request? I feel very honored every time you guys tell me that you enjoy my stories. My heart fills with pride when I read your kind comments.

OneShot or HC? Why not both? Two are better than one!

Here are the headcanons [Law|Ace|Kid|Doffy]

Okay, let's go! Have fun with the OneShot!

✦ Pairing: Trafalgar D. Water Law x Reader ✦ Content: idk, not much, i guess? I'm pretty bad at this lol. bit angst, a little jealousy and endless fluff ✦ Spoiler: none ✦ Description: You're pregnant and Law's reaction is everything you could wish for *-* This OneShot doesn't completely fit the request, hence the HC, hope that's okay :3

Wordcount: 6383

❝𝑌𝑜𝑢'𝑟𝑒 𝑔𝑜𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑒 𝑔𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑡 𝑝𝑎𝑟𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑠!❞

It's quite unusual for you to wake up in the middle of the night, but you woke up with an overwhelming craving for something sweet. Falling straight back to sleep is hopeless, so you're forced to stare around the room until perhaps drowsiness sets in.

Aside from the ticking of the clock, it's absolutely silent but you feel as if the ticking is becoming progressively louder 'til you have satisfied your ravenous appetite.

You picture it, the mousse that Ikkaku made… You have no clue how she makes it. You've tried to make it yourself, even following her recipe, but it's just not the same. However, when Ikkaku makes it, it tastes heavenly.

You can feel the foamy dessert melting on your tongue and the subtle hint of dark chocolate spreads through your mouth. Your saliva starts to gather in your mouth... That's enough! You need to eat dessert. Immediately!

The chance of waking Law is high, yet you would kill for a little midnight snack! The only thing is; you have to get out of Law's arms first...

You look at the dark haired man as he sleeps with a peaceful face. One arm around your waist, face to face.

On days like this, when you two haven't had much of each other, you'll at least have your little moments in your shared bed. With your faces turned towards each other, you talk about your busy day… Until one of you falls asleep and that one is usually you.

It's mostly you who talks about your day and Law hangs on your every word while you talk enthusiastically about all sorts of things.

Law is usually a bit reserved, because in his opinion he always does the same thing anyway and you must be getting bored of that. But that's not the case. You love the sparkle in his eyes when he talks about the things he has learned from his book, or when he has got hold of a rare coin.. He always lights up like a little boy who's been at school for the first day.

[throwback]

“…And did you know that an adult's entire intestine is 5 to 7 meters long? Imagine that.” You raise your eyebrow in disbelief.

“Five to seven meters?! No way, how is that supposed to fit?” You stroke your stomach while Law laughs at your bewilderment. Of course you believe him, you believe anything he says. He could tell you every lie and you would believe it immediately, but luckily Law doesn't lie to you. He is sometimes very secretive towards you and keeps a lot to himself like a loner, but he is by no means a liar.

“No joke, you can believe me… I could show you if you like.” Law speaks with a confident self assurance that makes you snort.

His confused eyes look at you insistently and he repeats that he could show you while raising his hand.

“Room!” You immediately realize what he's up to and you reach out with both hands to stop him. He really is planning to show you his intestines. Ah, no thanks.

You shake your head, still chuckling.

“I always believe you, my love… It's just kind of hard to imagine…” - “Yes, I know... I could hardly believe it either. That's why I took my intestine out straight away and measured it.”

You can't take any more. Law speaks with a nonchalance that brings tears to your eyes. You love him for his strangeness, that's what makes him so human.

“Anything for science.” you whisper quietly to him.

No longer interested in how long the human intestine is, you lean over and give him a little kiss. Being with Law is always a learning experience, the special thing is what you learn about Law along the way. About his heart and mind, while he talks about all the things that fascinate him.

Gosh, you adore him so much.

[throwback end]

Law's slight movement snaps you out of your reverie and for a moment you have the chance to slip out of his arms.

Silent as a ninja, you sneak out of your room and scurry into the kitchen.

Once in the kitchen, you can't wait another second and spoon up the dessert right in front of the fridge.

Whilst you let each scoop melt in your mouth, you hear footsteps coming closer to the kitchen. You try to hide, but it's too late because Bepo, who also wanted to sneak into the kitchen, enters.

You look at him like a frozen deer and he gives you a similar look. With your eyes still staring at the polar bear, you slowly bring the spoon to your mouth and devour the chocolate mousse. Without your eyes parting for even a second.

“What are you doing?” You leave the spoon in your mouth and look at him with a tilted head.

“Err, what does it look like…?” Your voice a little muffled, as if you were brushing your teeth. It's obvious what you're doing? With the bowl in your hand, you sit down at the table and wave the Mink over to you.

“Come on, get over here before the mousse is gone.” A little taken aback, he blinks a few times and joins you at the table.

Of course he wants some of the chocolate wonder, so he hurries to you.

You take turns spooning from your bowl and after each bite you hold your hand to your flushed cheek. It tastes simply divine.

However, you barely exchange a word, because it goes without saying that this meeting will remain a secret. You only hear a pleasurable moan and a soft mumble in between.

A few days have passed since then and a few other unusual things have happened. Your cravings have become a little weirder, your sense of smell has increased and fish suddenly no longer tastes good to you! As soon as you smelled sushi, you felt sick to your stomach. Unusual, you thought, but it could have been something else. You didn't think anything else of it and went about your everyday duties, quickly forgetting about the oddities anyway.

Until you got up one morning and ran straight to the toilet. You felt nauseous and it came out faster than you would have liked, so you left the door open and it gushed out of you straight into the toilet.

Your dinosaur like noises woke up the grouchy Law who rubbed his eyes in a drowsy state.

Who or what is that? And why is it so loud?

Law is definitely not a morning person. Talk to him before his coffee and you will see… Well, nothing will happen except that he ignores you and turns around. He won't even talk to you before he takes a sip, but no problem. Isn't it always like this; that a bright person is together with a grumpy one?

Tired, the black haired man sits up and runs his fingers through his tangled hair while still sitting on the edge of the bed with his eyes closed.

The noise is unusually loud and seems as if it is directly in the next room… In the next room… And finally it clicks in his head. You are making that noise.

Law snaps his eyes open, being fully awake now, and hurried to the open bathroom. There he looked down at you with your head almost IN the bowl, unable to stop vomiting.

At first he stood in the doorway, looking somewhat at a loss, until he finally remembered that he was a doctor.

You weren't responsive right now anyway… So Law prepared a few things for you when you finally finished throwing up…

Concerned, he stands behind you with a glass of water in his hand. It seems to be reaaally bad. He doesn't like seeing you like this, your health is important to him, probably more important than his own.

You've noticed for a while that Law is standing behind you and you appreciate him not saying anything. You're not embarrassed, not in front of Law, he's taken care of you before when you've drunk yourself into a coma so the sight shouldn't be that strange. You had to smile a little when you noticed how he tied your hair in a ponytail, so it wouldn't fall in front of your face, while you emptied out your stomach.

“Oh god. There shouldn't be *bleurggh* anything left in my *bleurggh* stomach…” A little out of breath, you lean against the wall next to the toilet.

You're not quite sure if it's the end, but it feels all right.

“I assume it's a little better now?” Tired from throwing up, you look up at him while he hands you the glass of water with a scrutinizing look.

You can't do more than nod half heartedly.

Law walked over to the toilet and flushed the contents, which looked like two days' worth of stomach contents.

He squatted down to you and began to clean your face with a lukewarm cloth. You don't look sick. Your eyelids don't droop and your skin doesn't look too pale. You just look a little worn out, which is no wonder. After all, you've given the toilet the biggest serenade of your life.

“I should take you to the infirmary and run some tests.” His hands reach for yours. With his thumb, he gently strokes the back of your hand and pulls lightly to help you to your feet. A little wobbly on your feet, you hold on to him and smile weakly at him.

“…I'm fine, thank you my love.” A little cold water on your face should be enough, so you go over to the sink to freshen up.

“Don't argue y/n, as your captain and doctor, I'm telling you that I'll give you a check up.” You look at him through the mirror as you run your wet hands through your face and roll your eyes.

“Uh huh, as captain and doctor…”

he groans a little and takes you in his arms from behind

“And as your partner too, of course.”

He kisses you on the cheek and you lean into his embrace with a little chuckle. For just a moment, you can savor your embrace, but the very next second, you find yourself in the same position with him in the infirmary.

That whole shambling around doesn't do you any good at all, you were already feeling sick anyway and you always feel a bit dizzy when he teleports with you. You put your hand over your mouth but it's too late. You quickly rush to a garbage can and fill it with your vomit.

“Hah… Law, that wasn't so clever…” You lean on the bin with both hands as you kneel in front of it.

“Ah…uh…sorry, force of habit…” His words seem a little flustered and as you look over your shoulder you see him sheepishly stroke his beard.

Yep, force of habit… It's definitely not the first time he's teleported you somewhere. Whether he wanted to kidnap you in your busy routine or wanted to steal you away from annoying guys.

He can be a bit jealous sometimes, even if he doesn't say anything, you can see right through him. Honestly, you have to admit to yourself that you enjoy it perhaps a little too much. Law usually reacts rather passively, but at some point things start to get over his limit and he reacts, somewhat flashily…

[throwback]

It's a lovely afternoon on the Sunny, and before you went your separate ways, the Heart Pirates and the Straw Hats wanted to throw a nice party to celebrate your victory.

You had a good time together and formed strong friendships, it makes you a little sad that you won't see each other for a while… but you are sure that your paths will cross again soon.

You keep glancing back to where Law is drinking some sake with Zoro, while Usopp and Luffy were doing all sorts of silly things. You can't help giggling at the sight. Their conversations are also rather short, but somehow they both seem quite relaxed and enjoy the silence between them. Your sweet introvert…

You turn back to the ladies at the table and get into a conversation full of girl stuff and laughter. Right by your side, there's Bepo napping on the floor and while your chin rests in one hand, listening to Nami, you pat Bepo's head with the other.

At your service is none other than Sanji and he serves you with the most distinguished manners. You like Sanji, he is charming and knows how to talk to women and sometimes you allow yourself to have fun and go for it… You don't flirt back, no way! You're crazy about Law and everyone knows it, but you like to have a bit of fun.

“Here my beautiful ladies, I've allowed myself to prepare your favorite drinks.” With grace and style, he holds the tray in his hand and serves you some fresh drinks. He pushes a beautifully decorated cocktail glass in front of you, one with a light blue liquid, topped with whipped cream and blue glitter sprinkles.

You know exactly what kind of drink is in front of you and happily thank the Blondie. How thoughtful he is… he's made you your favorite drink; swimming pool!

You gleefully nip at the straw and let the refreshing drink run down your tongue. As you spoon down some of the cream, you notice that Sanji has used coconut milk ice cubes instead of water ice cubes. How creative! This way the drink doesn't get watered down and only gets creamier and that's exactly how you love your swimming pool - creamy!

“Aww Sanji, you're always so thoughtful and good to us!” With your eyes closed, you enjoy your drink. It's so well prepared that you can barely taste the alcohol; how dangerous.

With your hand on your cheek, you praise the cocktail. Nami gushes with you and sighs contentedly that this is her everyday life... and Sanji loves doing it! That's the best part.

“We're really lucky to have Sanji, aren't we?” Robin giggles, as Sanji loses his temper in a dramatic way. It's as if all the attention is making his heart leap through his chest, and on one knee he babbles something about how it's not just an honor to serve you, but his greatest joy.

He may be a little pushy but isn't he also a little funny? Your girl gang bursts out into laughter, oh dear, if you only knew how Law watches the spectacle from behind with an annoyed expression…

With his chin in his hand, Law taps his cheek a little impatiently with one finger. He can hit on whoever he wants, but does he always have to get so close to you? He's got Nami and Robin to ogle, but you're his!

He knows he doesn't have to be jealous. You're only being friendly to him, as you are to everyone, but the reaction of others is what annoys him. The fact that some people think you're flirting with them, when you're just very kind and approachable (yea guess who's not.) literally pisses Law off.

He is quite sure that no one but himself has a chance with you, in fact he knows that you can become quite different if someone crosses your line… If Law's line hasn't been crossed before… It's pretty different sometimes…

Like today for example, today Law doesn't have that much patience and since Sanji moves in your inner circle, his limits are crossed quite quickly. And maybe all that sake is also to blame.

Because of your lively conversation, you realize far too late, how Law has formed his blue dome over you and just as Nami remarks it, you find yourself already on Law's lap.

Bewildered, you look up at him while his gaze is somewhat serious on Sanji. When he felt your gaze on him, he looked you in the eye with his typical grin and spoke with an absolute calmness that made your heart flutter.

“You all right?” You widen your eyes a little and raise both eyebrows. Is he serious? As if it's such a normal thing to just teleport me onto his lap out of nowhere, like it's the most normal thing in the world.

You know exactly why he did it. You saw the look he gave Sanji, but okay, you just play along. Let's see what happens.

“Yes, of course. Do you need something, love?”

He comes a little closer to you, his gaze melts the ice in your drink because you're getting so hot, but you try not to show it and smile at him innocently.

Before he reaches for the straw, he looks provocatively over to Sanji and drinks from your cocktail.

“You talked so highly of it, I really wanted to try it too, you know?” - “Sure…” like hypnotized you watch him sip from your drink while his eyes rest on your lips.

“You've got some whipped cream on your lip…” you want to quickly wipe the cream away with your hand but Law holds it tight and speaks in a low mellow voice "no, let me..."

Barely a second later, his lips are already on yours and he licks the cream off your lips in a luscious kiss.

You didn't even realize what was happening to you as you sat frozen on his lap. You can only vaguely make out the annoyed murmur of Zoro telling you to get a room or Nami cheering joyfully. You slowly come back to your senses and lean close to his ear, to whisper a few sweet words…

“I love sweet kisses… how 'bout we continue on the Polar Tang?”

Honestly, you love the way Law steals you away. He doesn't do it in an aggressive way, but in a way that makes it clear who you belong to. He never confronts the others, he just shows how in love you are with each other.

If that's not territory marking then you don't know BUT you love it.

His reaction is as expected. You know that look all too well. There's something overwhelming about the way Law's beautiful eyes run over your face as you innocently bite your lip. You could swear his eyes darken and he runs his tongue over his lower lip with a grin.

His grip tightens and his laugh deepens so that you can feel the vibration of his voice.

“Good idea.” He places a small kiss on your cheek before saying goodbye to the others. The question marks are written all over your face. You really just wanted to tease him, but you could have guessed what is about to happen.

You barely managed to wave goodbye before you found yourself back in your room on the Polar Tang. And well, you know it's obvious what will happens next… ;)

[throwback end]

“All right, so far so good. Now just a small blood check and then we'll be on the safe side.” His words bring you out of your memory and you look at his back. At a small table, he prepares a syringe to take some of your blood.

With concentration, he turns around and traces along your arm to locate a suitable vein.

“Could you make a fist?” You do as he says and he nods in response. When he had found a suitable spot, you were allowed to relax your hand and he smoothly drew the blood into the tube.

You watch him in complete devotion as he looks attentively at the syringe. Your eyes meet for a moment before he quickly returns to his task and presses a band aid onto the needle mark.

“That's it.” Again, he turns away from you to dispose the materials properly. A little disappointed, you slide down with your butt from the stretcher. You wish you could have watched him a little longer. He always looks so handsome when he's fully concentrated on his work.

“When will the results be ready?” you ask curiously as you look over his shoulder. By now you're feeling much better, you're sure it's nothing serious.

“Give me a few hours and I should have something out.” - “Hardworking as ever.” You gently stroke his shoulder as you went to turn around and Law quickly reached for your hand.

He gently pulls you close to give you a kiss on the back of your hand, his eyes always have a powerful effect on you and your cheeks turn a soft pink.

“We should go for breakfast, you should regain your energy. Go ahead, I'll clean up and come straight away.” Your heart softens at his care.

“I'll make us some coffee then.” Satisfied, he nods at you and lets go. In a good mood, you walk along the corridors of the cold Polar Tang, humming a bright melody.

The day went on as usual, the work on the Polar Tang was pure routine. A few small repairs here and inspections there. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just as you were about to leave the engine room to write your report, you bump into your friend.

“Heyyy y/n, already done with work?” You look up from your notes and have a chat with Ikkaku. After an waaay too short talk, you part ways as her beeper has gone off and she quickly went back to work. Apparently she has a lot to do... Your eyes go back to your list. You need to talk to Law, because you're slowly running out of materials for the maintenance of your submarine.

You've been underwater for quite a while now and you should be ascending soon. Ikkaku could probably use some materials too, maybe you should do a general inventory and make a supply list with Law. Just as you were about to turn around to go to Ikkaku to start with her, your beeper sounds.

A quick glance at your black device tells you that Law wants to talk to you, so you turn around again.

So, then you'll start the list tomorrow. After all, you'll be traveling for a few more days before you reach the next island...

You can't quite believe your ears and you stand in front of Law with your mouth open, completely frozen. Your pretty brain has to process this information first. You actually want to say something but don't quite know how to start the sentence.

“Y-you say I'm pregnant?!!!” You automatically reach for your belly.

“How could this happen?!” you look up at Law, unsure of how you should feel. To be honest, you're a little overwhelmed, but it's not actually a bad thing. You're actually at the age where it's appropriate, aren't you?

Law, who is leaning against his table in front of you, takes a breath to explain to you HOW this could have happened, in a physical and medical sense.

With knitted eyebrows, you shake your hand in front of Law in order to stop him. You know how, but somehow you're surprised. You often hear that the birth control failed here and there and the woman got pregnant, but somehow you think it would never happen to you and now it's happened to you.

Surprise, surprise.

You drop into a chair and look a little defeated.

“Shit…” you mutter. Law takes the results of your blood report and tries to change the subject.

“But hey, judging by your results, you're perfectly healthy and have the best possible condition for the baby." He turns the page to check a few more things.

“We should probably just get some more sun and fresh air for your wellbeing. Your vitamin D levels are a little low… No wonder down here…” In his head, he makes a mental note to talk to Bepo and Hakugan about surfacing today.

That sounds as if…

“Do you want me to keep the child?” You look up at him, a little surprised. A pleasant excitement spreads through your chest at the thought that Law will be the father of your child.

His eyes peek over the edge of the paper, looking down at you. He examines your glazed eyes, places the papers on the table and crouches down in front of you to be closer to you.

“Do you want to keep the child, y/n?” he notices that you're a little unsure, but that's okay. That's normal... but he will follow your final decision. No matter what you decide, he will stand by you and make sure you are both safe and happy.

Somehow it all feels surreal. You and Law are having a baby. That will change everything now, but you're longing to find out what it's like. You shrug your shoulders a little sheepishly.

“Uh-huh… kind of, yea.” Somewhat embarrassed, you smile at him. For you, getting together with Law has always been like hitting the jackpot, but you'd never thought about you two becoming parents.

But dear, if you only knew how Law sees you… He'd be lying if he said he wasn't happy about becoming a dad, but right now you're coming first, since you're feeling 'a little under the water'. [sorry but I couldn't help myself, lol]

“Well, I guess we have something to celebrate, don't we?“

Law's grin makes you smile. Somehow he always pushes the right buttons with you. With his charming looks, his cunning manner and clever little head, he always manages to mess with your feelings. You've never felt this way about anyone before and you weren't exactly a virgin before… Now that you're becoming parents, you feel like you're starting to really mature with Law.

“How are we going to tell them?” Parties are not his thing, you know that, but as soon as the others find out, they want to throw a party anyway.

He seems to be thinking deeply as he plays with your fingers.

“Maybe we'll just throw a party…” you look down at him in surprise, but he explains why.

“I know for a fact that we won't be able to avoid it…” a small giggle slips out of your mouth and you gently squeeze his hand, but Law breaks your eye contact.

“Well, I won't be able to get around it…” You're never against a fun party, but after an hour Law's social battery is usually drained and he disappears into his study.

“Not a bad idea, actually. If we plan the party, we can be sure that it won't be too chaotic. Let's keep it simple.” Law is pleased that you share the same thought. Well, it's probably because you can't party as hard as usual, but it doesn't make you sad. Somehow the joy slowly sets in.

Law gets up and pulls you up with him while you both hold hands. Without saying a word, he takes you in his arms and you breathe in his calming scent. At this very moment you just feel so good, even though you were so scattered until a few moments ago, you are sure that everything will work out with Law by your side.

You're kind of excited. The crew thinks you're throwing a party because you're resurfacing today and they believe that cheap lie, but what pirate crew needs a reason to throw a party? They probably don't give it a second thought and are happy to have food and booze under the sun.

In a good mood, you hum a little tune in the kitchen while you prepare a few treats in the kitchen. At some point, Shachi comes by and you tell him that he shouldn't be snacking, but he just laughs cheekily at you and stuffs a filled onigiri into your mouth. You hum contentedly as you taste the tuna cream.

“You're getting better and better y/n, the shape is a real triangle this time too!” you smack him on the back of the head and huff in offense.

He's used to it and your blows don't even really hurt so he just laughs as he rubs his head.

“I'm sure Law will be more than pleased.” Without a care in the world, he picks another treat from the little buffet you've set up and disappears into the corridor.

Your gaze rests on your bitten onigiri. You are secretly thrilled that he thinks Law will be happy. You wonder if he is looking forward to your current situation in general.

After you surfaced with the Polar Tang, Law and a few others set up the deck. Tables and benches were set up and you and Ikkaku hung up some hanging garlands to make it look more festive. After putting the finishing details on the final appearance, you put your hands on your hips in satisfaction while Law stepped to your side.

“They really don't suspect anything…” he whispers in your ear.

You just smile to yourself. After all, it just seems like you're having a party as usual. The buffet, the decorations, the festive lights and a small bar on the deck are just the same as usual.

Law doesn't know it, but you couldn't help yourself and had to tell Ikkaku about it immediately. After all, she's your best friend. You can definitely trust her not to spill the beans and it shouldn't be too difficult because you're throwing the party today anyway. She even offered to prepare a few desserts. With hearts in your eyes, you accepted her offer, of course.

All in all, it was an evening like any other with your crew. There was laughter, some dancing, a lot of goofing around and singing. Avoiding the alcohol was quite difficult, but luckily Ikkaku was your knight in shining armor. She always swapped your cup with hers, with only water inside, in an discreet fashion.

As the sunset glowed over your submarine and the atmosphere on deck calmed down allowing everyone to enjoy the last rays of sunshine, Law decided that now was the perfect time to spread the news.

He raised his glass and tapped it lightly with his fork so that everyone's attention was drawn to him by the clinking sound.

A few of the pirates look up at him in surprise. It's not that unusual for Law to make a speech from time to time, but there shouldn't be any special reason for him to make one today. Or maybe there is?

Glances go round among themselves. You smile knowingly to yourself as you watch the confusion on their faces.

“Sometimes there are unexpected twists and turns on our travels and sometimes it's the best thing that could have happened to us. In the end, everything always turned out well and that's only because we trusted and helped each other. We may be pirates, but we are also…” - “A FAMILY” Penguin and Sachi cry and shout in unison.

Law's words are unexpectedly touching. His words are always wise and uplifting… but this time he not only speaks from the heart, but with it and everyone is moved to the core.

You could cry because you know why he uses such beautiful words. With a satisfied grin, he agrees with the men.

“Exactly. We are a family and today y/n and I want to announce something to you.” Little by little, questioning glances wander to you and Law nods to you with an encouraging expression on his face. He now leaves you the honor of continuing.

“I'm pregnant!” you blurt out in a squeaky voice.

The looks go back and forth between you two in a rather funny way while the surprise is written all over everyone's face.

All of a sudden, the group erupts into a joyful roar and congratulations are given to you. Ikkaku can finally take you in her arms, her eyes overflowing with tears. A few of the men are shaking hands with Law while Bepo rushes up to Law and almost crushes him in a hug.

Your heart bursts as you watch the cheering crowd and stroke Ikkaku's back in a soothing manner as she utters some incomprehensible words of joy…

In the chaotic happiness, your and Law's eyes met. He seems as happy as you feel.

The atmosphere were already great before, but now it's just amazing.

They raise a toast to both of you and your little one, while Penguin and Shachi fight over which of them gets to listen and feel your belly first. You have to laugh at their goofiness, because there's not much of the typical pregnancy belly to be seen yet.

Bepo comes running towards you with cute beady eyes and gives you a warm embrace. He snuggles up to your head and you brush against his soft fur…

You hear his soft sniffle and in a low voice he whispers to you how happy he is for you guys.

“You're going to be great parents!” You wipe a small tear of joy from his face and pull yourself together so that you don't burst into tears yourself, but you're just too emotional. Your walls collapse and the tears roll down your cheeks.

The rest of the gang decides to come up to you and engages even Law in a huge group hug. It touches you more than anything how happy your friends are for you.

You can hardly wait to tell your friends the Straw Hats. You wonder how they will react. You secretly hope that it will be the reason you'll see each other sooner than you thought.

You really want to go shopping with Ikkaku, Robin and Nami for the baby!

You let the evening fade away together until at some point it was just you and Law.

The evening got a bit chilly and before you could even get cold, Law put his coat around you. Thanking him with a quiet smile, you can still see the joy on his face… And you? You can still hardly believe it. You're going to be parents… but you're still thinking about how Law really feels. He's obviously happy but you wish you could hear what he's thinking.

“Law, tell me, how do you feel?” Your eyes are fixed on the sea. You watch the glittering reflection of the moon in the water, while his gaze rests on you.

“I don't know. I kind of feel everything. Excitement, joy but also some fear.” Your gaze quickly goes up to him, but his eyes are now on the open sea.

The fact that he feels the same as you is somehow reassuring. You're a bit jealous of him for always keeping such a cool head, because unlike you, he seemed so calm and confident the whole time.

“You know y/n, when I went through the results today I could hardly believe my eyes when I realized why you were feeling bad.” With his arms leaning against the railing, he smiled down at you.

“I thought my heart stopped working and when it started beating again, a new feeling was born...” The glimmer in his eyes is as calming as a fire, that is about to fade out.

You are not used to so many touching words and your heart starts beating quicker with each word. The way he says everything is saved in your brain like a video and you dare not to speak a word.

He turns his upper body towards you and moves a little closer to gently brush a strand of hair out of your face. A little hesitantly, he begins to speak again, as if searching for the right words in your eyes.

“A feeling... that I thought I had long lost… The feeling of having a family.”

Okay y/n don't cry. Don't cry!

Law kisses your forehead as he wipes a tear from your face. The feeling of his warm lips disappears faster than you'd like, though, and Law takes a step back to get down on one knee.

With his gaze fixed on your eyes, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small box. You know what this means but you fail to move or say anything. Wide eyed, you follow Law's movements.

“I wanted to do this much earlier… but somehow I didn't find the right time… or maybe I was just waiting for this very moment?” Law isn't quite sure himself where he gets these words from, but so much has changed after today. He opens the box and your gaze falls on the sparkling ring.

“Y/n will you marry me?”

With quivering lips, you nod at him while tears flow like a waterfall and you throw yourself onto him, wrapping your arms around his neck.

You usually have a lot to say, but this time Law has left you completely speechless.

You could have said yes a thousand times but it would never be enough to make it clear how much you want to be his wife.

Masterlist

A/N: Oh well… Law. I bet you'd be great as a dad.

I hope you enjoyed it ♡

[fics-n-stuff]

A Nice Christmas

Thanks to @gayhistorynerd for the prompt, see here (I kind of deviated from it a little maybe a lot but the story still stemmed from this prompt)

Pairing: Wilhelm × Simon

Summary: Wilhelm may have denied being in the sex tape, but that doesn't mean that the world has forgotten. The Christmas break proves to be difficult for both Simon and Wilhelm, one suffering from ongoing harassment and the other feeling completely isolated, and they find that they can't help but be drawn back to each other.

Word Count: 4.5k

A/N: This took me so long to write because I got writer's block right after I started it. This doesn't have a super happy ending because I wanted to try and keep it pretty realistic, but it is pretty sweet and wholesome.

Taglist: @probablyprocrastinatingrightnow @rika90 @angelwilhelm

Wilhelm had never felt more alone than he did being home for Christmas break. He spent as much time as was physically possible holed up in his bedroom, not wanting to see or talk to anyone, especially not his mother. He hadn’t turned his phone on for three days, he had bitten his nails down to the nailbeds and he hardly had any appetite. The ache in his chest was constant and unyielding.

He lay in the dark most of the time, his curtains closed throughout the day and only sometimes opened at night to let the moonlight in. Besides that, he didn’t have much idea of how time was passing.

He did know that it was Christmas eve though. And it must be the morning because nobody had come to drag him out of his bedroom to join the celebrations. A cursory peek around the curtain confirmed that, as Wilhelm saw that the sun hadn’t even fully risen yet.

A deep breath settled the stone in his stomach, and he reached for his phone with a shaky hand.

When the device turned on it immediately started going crazy with notifications, and Wilhelm felt his heart rate increase with every buzz.

5 messages from August

Ignore.

10 messages from Mamma

Ignore.

2 missed calls from Felice

Wilhelm paused in swiping away the notifications. Felice had called him twice and sent him three messages. He clicked on the message notification, sitting back against the wall and holding in a breath without realising it.

Felice: Hey Wille, how are you feeling being home?

Felice: I just wanted to check in but I can’t get a hold of you, I hope you’re doing alright

Felice: You probably don’t want to talk but you can call or text me whenever you do

Wilhelm sighed. Of all the people that he thought that he could depend on, Felice was the only one that he still had. He swallowed the lump in his throat and called her back.

It rang for a while before she answered, and he’d almost decided to hang up the call when it stopped ringing.

“Wille, good morning.” Felice greeted, cheerful but clearly tired. “Merry Christmas.”

“Yeah, merry Christmas Felice.” Wilhelm replied feebly. His voice was hoarse from disuse.

“Are you alright? Do you want to talk about something?”

“Uhm, I- I don’t know, I just... I don’t know.” He stuttered, wrapping his free arm around himself.

“Okay, well, what are your plans for today?”

“I’m not sure, I haven’t really been talking to anyone. What, uh, what are your plans?”

“Oh, you know, just the usual. We’ll watch Kalle Anka's Jul and play some games before dinner, then we’ll open presents.” She explained. The tinny sound of her voice through the phone was actually quite calming.

“What about for the rest of the break?”

“Um, I’m going to New York to see Maddie for New Year, so that’ll be fun. And I’m going back to Bjärstad on Boxing Day to see Sara. I’m gonna stay there just for one night.”

“So you’ve been talking to Sara a lot then?” Wilhelm questioned, moving to bite at his almost non-existent nails.

“Yeah, of course.”

“Has she said anything about Simon? Do you know if he’s alright?” His words came out more rushed than he had intended. Clearly, he was more eager for some sort of information on Simon than he had thought.

“Um, she hasn’t said much but I think he’s pretty okay.” Felice replied, but it was followed by a small sigh that let Wilhelm know that there was more to the story. “Sara says that things have mostly gone back to normal, but Simon goes out a lot less and she’s had to make her Instagram private. I think they’ve had a few people show up at their house.”

Wilhelm swallowed hard, a feeling of guilt crawling under his skin. Simon’s Instagram account had been private ever since the video had been leaked, so it seemed that now people had found Sara’s too. They had attention on them that they had never signed up for, and Wilhelm knew that it was his fault and he felt terrible for that.

“Okay.” He replied shakily. There was a short silence before Felice spoke again.

“How are you, Wilhelm? Really?” She asked.

“Lonely.” He answered. “Listen, I have to go. I need to take a shower before someone comes demanding that I take part in the Christmas celebrations.”

“Alright well, call me back whenever, okay?”

“Yeah, okay. Bye, Felice.”

“Bye, Wille. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas.”

Wilhelm ran a hand over his face, letting out a groan of frustration and sadness. Why couldn’t he just be a normal kid?

He stared down at his phone in his lap, gnawing at the nail of his right thumb in contemplation. With a shaking breath and trembling fingers, he picked it back up, opened his conversation with Simon and typed a short message. He dropped his phone in mild panic as soon as he hit send, and rubbed his hand over his chest as he took a deep, steadying breath.

+ + +

“Simon, wake up. Rosh and Ayub will be here soon.” Sara’s voice stirred Simon from his sleep and he rolled over to look at her. She was already dressed.

“What time is it?” He asked with a yawn.

“Nine o’clock. Get up and come help with breakfast.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m getting up.”

Sara rolled her eyes and left the room, and Simon reached out to his bedside table blindly until his hand landed on his phone. He squinted at the screen as he sat up, faltering when he saw the notification on the screen.

Wilhelm: Merry Christmas Simon

He felt his heart race as he stared at the screen, only snapping out of it when he heard Sara shouting at him from downstairs. He blinked, dropped his phone and set about getting dressed.

Every Christmas eve since they were ten, Simon, Sara, Rosh and Ayub would have breakfast together and then go for a long walk. It was tradition for them at this point, but Simon found himself unable to feel excited for it this year. It was all well and good to pretend like life was going on as normal, but it was hard not to feel uncomfortable when people stared at him everywhere he went.

Rosh and Ayub arrived just as he and Sara were finishing up making breakfast, and they exchanged Christmas well-wishes as they sat down to eat.

“You’re being real quiet over there, Simme. You alright?” Ayub asked after a while, and Simon realised that he’d been completely zoned out.

“Sorry, just thinking.”

“About Wilhelm?” Sara questioned. Simon pushed a bite of food into his mouth and shrugged.

“You have to move on, Simon.” Rosh said. “I know you care about him but he’s not worth all the trouble that he comes with.”

“I know. That’s why I ended things.” He replied. “It still sucks though.”

“You’ll get over him eventually.” Sara told him, putting a comforting hand on his for a few seconds before going back to her food. Simon smiled slightly.

He didn’t tell them about the text.

Despite all of that, he was in high spirits when they set out for their walk, happily joking and laughing with his friends, and they made it half an hour before he heard the first comment.

“That’s the guy from the sex tape.” Muttered a girl to her friend as they passed, and Simon felt the smile fall from his face.

“Just ignore them.” Sara told him, wrapping an arm around one of his. He nodded, but it had gotten to him. For the rest of their walk from that point, Simon felt like every person that they passed was looking at him and judging him.

They walked both Rosh and Ayub back to their houses before heading back to theirs just a bit past noon. They had almost gotten home when they were approached by a group of teenagers probably slightly younger than them.

“Are you the guy from that viral sex tape?” One of the boys asked unabashedly, the group coming right up in front of Simon and Sara and blocking their path.

“Uh, I don’t want to talk about that.” Simon replied stiffly, still trying to be polite.

“Oh my god, it is him!” A girl exclaimed.

“Was it actually the crown prince in the video?” Another chimed. Simon felt lightheaded.

“He already said that it wasn’t.” He deflected, trying to sidestep the group.

“Yeah, but there’s a lot of people that don’t actually believe him.” The girl laughed; actually laughed, as if this hadn’t been an earth shattering event for Simon.

“If it wasn’t Prince Wilhelm then who was it in the video?” A boy asked, and that was when Simon spotted the phone filming him and his stomach dropped.

“I’m not discussing my sex life with a bunch of strangers.” He scoffed in disbelief, shouldering his way past the group with Sara close behind him. “Please leave me alone.”

“You could just tell us if it was actually the prince or not.” One of them pressed, the group now following after Simon. “If it wasn’t him then you don’t have anything to hide.”

“Oh my god, did the royal family pay you off? Did they make you sign an NDA!?”

“Were you, like, boyfriends? Or was it just a hookup?”

Simon kept walking, keeping his head down and not answering any of the questions being hurled at him. He could sense that Sara was just as tense beside him. The group followed them for a full block before Simon finally lost his cool and came to a dead stop, turning to face them.

“I’m not going to answer your questions. The fact that you’re following me is not going to make me answer your questions. I’ve had my privacy majorly invaded once already and now you’re invading it again. I’m trying to enjoy Christmas with my sister and you’re chasing me with a camera, I’m sick of people harassing me.” He fumed, making sure to meet the eye of every one of them at some point. “Whatever you choose to believe is not my problem. It doesn’t matter whether you think that the crown prince is telling the truth or you choose to make up some type of theory, I deserve my privacy.”

He didn’t wait for any type of response before he turned around and walked away, thankful to find that they weren’t going to follow him anymore.

“You handled that well.” Sara said quietly once they had turned the next corner. Simon didn’t reply.

When they got home, he went straight upstairs without a word. He slammed his bedroom door shut and buried his face in his pillow, unable to hold the tears back any longer.

By that same evening, the video was viral.

+ + +

I bet that girl was right and the royal family made him sign an NDA

If he didn’t want people to think it was the prince he would have just said that it wasn’t so either the prince was lying or this guy is seeking attention

He’s literally a kid why can’t people just leave him alone??

I don’t care if it was the prince in the tape or not, this guy is hot

The way he said that people are making up theories makes me think that it actually wasn’t the prince in the video

I feel bad for this guy, getting followed around like that must suck

Wilhelm scrolled through the captions and comments on the seemingly endless posts of the video of Simon, feeling like somebody had a vice grip on his heart.

The first time he saw the video had been right after Christmas Eve dinner. He’d had a full blown panic attack and locked himself in the bathroom for half an hour. When he came out, his mother had tried to talk to him about the politics of the situation and he had immediately retreated into his bedroom once again. He missed Erik desperately.

He hadn’t been able to sleep, he'd only gotten about three hours of broken, fitful sleep all night, and now he couldn’t pry himself away from his phone. He knew that it was bad for him, he knew that it was making him feel terrible, but he wanted to know what people were saying.

He had been hesitant to text Simon, especially since he hadn’t received a reply to the merry Christmas text that he had sent in the morning, but in the end he mustered the courage to reach out. He had asked how Simon was doing and apologised for getting him into this situation. He wasn’t surprised when no answer came.

Christmas day was proving to be probably the worst day of Christmas break for Wilhelm. His chest felt like it was bursting open and like it was an empty chasm at the same time. He didn’t eat breakfast or lunch, he didn’t respond to the knocks that came at his door. He felt like he was trapped in a glass box and someone was shaking it.

Wilhelm didn’t know how long he had been scrolling through multiple different social media platforms when his phone buzzed in his hand and an incoming call appeared on the screen. He faltered, sitting up and almost dropping his phone, when he saw that it was Simon. He ran a nervous hand through his hair as he raised the phone to his ear.

“Simon?” He croaked.

“Hi, Wilhelm.” The reply came through the phone, and Wilhelm felt his shoulders relax at the sound of Simon’s voice.

“Hi. H-how are you.” He fumbled, and Simon sighed on the other end.

“I’m okay, I guess. As okay as I can be after... well, you know.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry for putting you in this situation.”

“This wasn’t your fault, Wille.” Simon muttered. “I just wish things were different.”

“Why, um... why did you call?” Wilhelm asked. There was a short stretch of silence that rung in his ears before Simon answered.

“I just wanted to hear your voice, I guess.” He confessed, and Wilhelm couldn’t help the soft smile that pulled at his lips. “Honestly, I was kind of surprised that you didn’t delete my number or something.”

“Why would I have done that?”

“I don’t know, I guess I just thought that you weren’t supposed to have any ties with me since you said that it wasn’t you in the video.” Wilhelm winced at that.

“It's not like my contacts list is available to the public.” He replied, trying to keep his tone light. “I’m not gonna let that kind of thing get in my head again.”

“Is your mum mad?” Simon asked, and now it was Wilhelm’s turn to sigh.

“I’m not sure, I kind of shut myself in my room so that I wouldn’t have to deal with her.” He answered tiredly. “How is your family?”

“Uh, shaken. Sara’s off in her own world with her sketchbooks and mamá can’t go for more than an hour without checking on us both, but we’re handling it.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologise.”

There was a silence again. Wilhelm ran his hand across his leg, back and forth in a soothing motion, not sure what he should say but not wanting the conversation to finish. In the end, Simon spoke first.

“Did you mean it, what you said before you left for the break?” He asked softly.

“Yeah, I did.” Wilhelm answered without hesitation. “I know it wasn’t a good time to say it, and you probably didn’t want to hear it, but I just had to say it out loud. At least once.”

Silence again. Wilhelm heard Simon sigh, and pursed his lips nervously.

“I miss you.” Simon said.

“I miss you too.” Wilhelm replied with a nervous yet relieved chuckle. “I miss you a lot.”

Another pause.

“Where do we go from here, Wille?” Simon whispered.

“I don’t know.” Wilhelm mumbled. “But I... I want to fix this. Or at least just try to fix it. You don’t deserve to be harassed like this, and it’s my fault and I feel terrible.”

“It’s not your fault.” Simon reassured with a sigh. “It was everything else. We still didn’t do anything wrong, and that includes you.”

“No, I did. I promised we would be in this together and I broke that promise.”

“I understand why you did it. And I’m not mad at you. Honestly, having thought about it, you probably made the best decision for my sake too. I mean, I’m getting harassed enough as it is already. I can’t imagine what it would be like if you had told the truth.”

“I’m still sorry anyway.” Wilhelm said softly, and Simon chuckled. “So, um, Felice told me she was visiting Bjärstad tomorrow.”

“Yeah, her and Sara have gotten close. It’s nice, you know, that Sara’s made friends. And Felice is cool.”

“Yeah, she’s great.”

There was silence again, and Wilhelm bit at his nails thinking that Simon was done with the conversation.

“Are you alright, Wille?” Simon asked after a while. “I know this is your first Christmas without Erik, and I guess things with your mum might be a little... well, I just hope you’re okay.”

Wilhelm swallowed. He could lie, pretend he was fine and wave away Simon’s concerns, but he knew the lie probably wouldn’t hold up. Or he could tell the truth and admit how painfully lonely he was, how much he hated being home because the palace felt empty without Erik and how much he longed to be with Simon with every fibre of his being.

“I’m coping.” He sighed, settling for a middle ground of vagueness. “It’s lonely here. The ceilings feel too high.”

“Have you had stuff to do?”

“No, not really. I haven’t really been in the mood for Christmas, but I guess none of us are particularly festive this year anyway.”

“Would you - I mean, if you would even be allowed to, but maybe if you could – would you want to come down here for a day?” Simon asked, and Wilhelm could just picture him fidgeting nervously as he stumbled over his words. The image brought a smile to his face.

“Yeah, I’d like that.” He answered softly. “I’ll try and convince my parents.”

+ + +

Going to Simon’s house had been an absolute no go with his parents. “Just too risky” his mother had said. However, with enough persistence, he managed to wear them down to a compromise.

That was how he ended up in a car on his way back to Hillerska the day after Boxing Day. While Simon’s house had been absolutely off the table, it would be easy enough to get back to Hillerska without being seen. The only people who were there during the break were security and the people who came to take care of the horses.

He had been worried at first that the inconvenience of it would make Simon not want to bother, but when he texted to ask if it was okay he had been met with a quick agreement.

A security guard unlocked the door for him when they arrived, sworn to secrecy of course, and he headed up to his room to wait. He didn’t realise he was biting his nails until there was a knock at the door and he was knocked out of his anxious thoughts.

The door opened slowly, and Wilhelm felt like all of the air was knocked out of his body when he saw Simon step inside, dressed in his beloved purple hoodie under the coat that he took off and draped over the back of a chair that was within reach. The door clicked shut behind him, and silence hung in the air.

“Hey.” Simon greeted finally, and Wilhelm took a deep breath as if he was just remembering how to breathe at all.

“Hey.” He echoed. “How are you?”

“Better.” Simon nodded. “Did you get into a fight with your parents?”

“Yeah, kinda.” Wilhelm muttered. “It’s fine though.”

Simon crossed the room and took a seat beside Wilhelm on the edge of the bed, a good few inches of space between them. It felt like miles.

“You look tired.” Simon commented.

“I’ve been having a hard time sleeping.” Wilhelm replied weakly, eyes downcast, fidgeting with his hands. “I get that way sometimes. It’s fine.”

“Is it?”

He looked over to find Simon watching him, and he practically crumbled under his gaze. He took a very unsteady breath and shook his head.

“No, it sucks.” He mumbled. His hand drifted back up to his mouth and he gnawed on the nail of his thumb nervously.

“Wille, you’re bleeding.” Simon said, gently grabbing his wrist and pulling his hand away from his mouth. Wilhelm looked down at his thumb and saw a bit of blood pooling in the side of the nailbed, becoming aware of the taste of it on his tongue.

“Oh, I didn’t notice.”

“How much have you been biting your nails?” Simon questioned, pulling Wilhelm’s hand towards him to get a look at them. Every nail was jagged and uneven, bitten down to stubs. The skin around them had been bitten at too.

“I don’t know, I do it without realising.” Wilhelm shrugged. “Probably a lot.” He resisted the urge to curl his fingers around Simon’s hand and blinked back the tears that threatened to fall.

“You shouldn’t have to bottle everything in, you’re destroying yourself.” Simon murmured.

“I don’t have anyone to talk to.” Wilhelm’s voice broke halfway through his sentence, a single tear managing to fight its way from his eye. “I used to be able to talk to Erik about at least some of it but now he’s gone and I don’t have anyone, and sometimes it feels like the ground is falling out from under me and I just don’t know what to do.”

He didn’t notice that he was hyperventilating until Simon pulled him into his arms. Wilhelm’s chest was tight, rising and falling rapidly against Simon’s body. Simon's arms were wrapped around him tightly, and Wilhelm was suddenly overwhelmed with how much he had been craving a hug as his hands grasped at the back of Simon’s hoodie and he hid his face in the crook of Simon’s neck.

Wilhelm had always been told not to cry. Ever since he was a child, whenever he began to cry he was told to stop. The seed had planted itself in him when he was very young, but the fear of letting himself cry didn’t truly grow until he once saw an article in a tabloid. He was barely eleven and he had fallen and hurt himself at an event. He had hardly cried, just a few tears and red cheeks, but the tabloid had had plenty to say about it. He hadn’t let himself properly cry since, except for when Erik died. Even then, he had waited until he was completely alone before he let his weakness show. But now, with Simon, he felt an overwhelming need to let his tears fall.

“I’m so sorry.” He whispered into Simon’s shoulder. He could feel the tears coming out of his eyes but they weren’t falling down his face, instead absorbing into the fabric of Simon’s hoodie.

“It’s okay.” Simon soothed, a hand moving up to stroke over the Wilhelm’s hair.

“I never wanted any of this. I never wanted to be a prince.”

“I know.”

“I just wanted to feel normal. Just for once.” Wilhelm said through his tears. “You made me feel normal.”

Simon furrowed his eyebrows, sympathetic. He loosened his hold on Wilhelm and leaned back, sliding the hand that was on the back of Wilhelm’s head forward to rest against his cheek.

“You made me feel normal too.” He replied softly. “At school I was a social outcast because I’m not rich, and at home I have to take care of my mom and Sara. When I was with you, I didn’t feel like I had to take care of anyone or watch where I was stepping. Well, except that one night.” Wilhelm huffed a slight laugh at the comment, lifting a hand to wipe the tears off of his cheeks. “I’ve never seen you cry before.” Simon commented.

“I’m not supposed to.” Wilhelm replied with an awkward chuckle, his head tipping forward in embarrassment. Simon sighed through his nose and lightly touched his forehead to Wilhelm’s.

“You have to cry sometimes, Wille. Everyone cries.”

“I’m not supposed to be everyone.”

“Okay, but sometimes you need to stop worrying about what you’re supposed to be.” Simon told him. “I know you know that.”

Wilhelm took a deep breath. This close to Simon’s face, he could feel his breathing too. He wanted to kiss him, but he didn’t know if that would be okay. He nodded slightly, covering Simon’s hand on his cheek with his own.

“Yeah.” He breathed.

When Simon leaned forward and connected their lips Wilhelm responded automatically, though it took his brain a few seconds to catch up. Once his brain did catch up, his hand took hold of the back of Simon’s neck and pulled him impossibly closer, holding onto this moment like it was his last. Maybe it would be the last time he got to kiss Simon; he couldn’t know. He hoped it wouldn’t be.

“Thanks for coming to see me.” Simon said when they broke apart.

“Thanks for wanting to see me at all.” Wilhelm replied. “I really missed you.”

Simon hummed, a faint smile playing at his lips. He watched Wilhelm for a few moments before kicking off his shoes.

“Come here.” He said, shuffling over the bed towards the wall. Wilhelm followed suit and allowed himself to be guided down to a lying position, Simon’s chest against his back and arm around his waist. “You need to sleep.”

“It’s the middle of the day.” Wilhelm protested, weak as the protest may have been.

“People have naps all the time, and you know that you need it.” Simon said firmly, adjusting the pillow under his head with his free arm and finding Wilhelm's hand to hold in the other. “It doesn’t have to be for long, okay?”

“Okay.” Wilhelm nodded, feeling suddenly very relaxed. He took a deep breath settling into the comfort and warmth of Simon’s body around his as his eyes fell shut. “This is nice.” He mumbled after a while.

“Yeah.” Simon agreed softly. “Go to sleep, Wille.”

It wasn’t long until he felt Wilhelm’s breathing change, signifying that he had fallen asleep. He smiled, fondly but with an edge of sadness to it, and pressed a light kiss to Wilhelm’s shoulder before closing his own eyes. They would deal with the rest of the world when they woke up.

[afriendlyblackhottie]

Kin

Summary: Bucky’s been acting weird and you can’t help it when you expect the worst.

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Black!Reader

Warnings: 18+, smut, swearing, breeding kink, daddy kink, dirty talk, degradation, GGFIL (you’ll see), arguing, cheating accusations

(A/N: this is different but I had fun writing it. And isn’t that what matters. Reblog follow like 💜✌���)

Tagging: @titty-teetee @zaddychris @queenoftheworldisdead @olyvoyl @liquorlaughslove @mariahthelioness29 @donutloverxo @little-baby-vixen @mochamaniacbabe @brattycherubwrites @iam-laiya @whiskey-cokenfanfic @doloreshazes

——————————————————————————-

Bucky had never given you a reason to not trust him. He’d been nothing, but the perfect boyfriend now fiancé for the two years you’d been together. Sure it was a little difficult dating an Avenger mostly because you worried about him coming back to you, but still being with him was kind of perfect.

The first time you started to sort of question things was when a phone number fell out of his pocket while you were doing laundry. Some girls name written on a napkin. You didn’t want to jump to any conclusions especially since it’s not like he wasn’t meeting new people everyday because of work. Who knows it was probably nothing.

Then he came home all late that day smelling like vanilla. You know it was bad, but you tried to check his phone while he was sleeping. Not that it worked because your super assassin fiancé was a very light sleeper and woke up before you could even try.

“Hey, what’s up?” He asked, in that sleepy voice.

“Oh it’s nothing,” you said, playing it off by stroking his hair. You know you should have said something, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it.

All he did was smile and kiss you before pulling you close. Like everything was fine. You know you should have asked him right then. The words had been on the tip of your tongue.

But you didn’t ask. Instead you let him roll on top of you before he started making out with you. Would a man that’s cheating be fucking your mouth with his tongue like that. Probably.

“Alright, what’s wrong?” Bucky asked with a sigh, putting his forehead to yours.

You shrugged, looking down at his mouth so you didn’t have to look him in the eye. “It’s nothing.” Then you out a fake smile on to really sell it.

“Come on,” he whispered. “You know I know you better than that. If somethings wrong you can tell me. Daddy’ll take care of you, Doll.”

You made the mistake of looking into his blue eye that seemed to be seeing into your soul. There was always this gentleness towards you. That he seemed to save for you especially.

“I’m fine,” you replied before rolling over on your side away from him. Bucky sighed again before wrapping his arms around you from behind.

“Hey, so I’m busy tomorrow, but when I get home why don’t we do something?” He asked into your shoulder before pressing a kiss to it. “Just the two of us?”

You nodded, but didn’t reply out loud because if you did he’d hear that you were crying. You’d rather not deal with it.

So the next day you went to get some stuff done. Grocery shopping and shit. On the way home you passed by this coffee shop, recognizing his car as some girl got into the passanger seat.

Your stomach felt like it was doing fucking somersaults on the way home. You tried to keep yourself busy. Not wanting to think about Bucky or his lying cheating face.

When the door opened, you could hear him set his keys down on the table beside the door. You were making dinner because you were hungry. He could worry about himself.

“Fuck it smells good in here, Baby,” he said, coming to hug you from behind before kissing your cheek.

You didn’t say anything at first. Instead you continued to cook and even though he noticed how quiet you were, he didn’t let go of you.

“What? No hello?” He asked, kissing your neck.

You tried to shrug him off, but no you just had to be engaged to a super assassin who was strong as fuck.

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

You shook your head because you were pretty sure if you’d say anything you’d explode. Not that he wouldn’t deserve it. You were trying to keep an ounce of dignity instead of blowing up like your brain was telling you too. “Nothing.”

Bucky leaned up against the counter beside you, bringing your face up so he could look at you. “Baby, I know you better than that.” He tried to smile to get you to open up then it faltered when he saw that you were clearly not in the mood. “C’mon. Just tell me what’s up.”

“Nothing, James.” You turned off the stove because now you’d lost your appetite. As you tried to walk away he grabbed your hand.

At hearing his first name, he crinkled his nose. “Baby,” he whined all pouty, “please. I let it go last night, but you’ve never not talked to me. What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong is that we’re supposed to be getting married in two months and you’re cheating on me.”

Bucky looked so taken aback. His face getting all scrunched up. “What?”

“Oh so now you don’t know what I’m talking about?” You scoffed. “I saw you.”

“Saw me doing what?” He scoffed out a laugh. “I haven’t done anything.”

“Bullshit!” You yelled. “You’re lying to me!”

His jaw clenched as you raised your voice. “Watch your tone,” he commanded. “I didn’t cheat on you. I have no idea what you’re even talking about.”

“Really? Well then who the fuck is Becca?” You finally asked.

Bucky pulled away and you finally turned to face him. “How did you...” he trailed off.

“So, it’s true. You’re cheating on me?” You asked with a sniffle.

He shook his head. “No! Of course not, Baby,” he said.

“You’re lying! I saw you, James. I fucking saw you with her!”

“Hey, hey, hey,” he said, putting his hands on your shoulders. “Let’s just calm down so we can talk.”

“I don’t want to talk. I want you out.”

He shook his head. “No, Baby,” he said. “I know how this looks, but I promise it’s not like that. I’m not... I’m not cheating on you. I’d never.”

“Fine then explain.”

Bucky hesitated. Closing his eyes like he was trying to find the right words.

“If you don’t tell me then I want you out.”

It wasn’t like this was the first time you and Bucky had ever fought. This was just the first time you’d ever done this. Usually when he messed up, he’d buy you flowers or kiss you until you forgave him. This time you needed to let him know that none of that would work.

He scrunched up his face before finally looking at you. “Okay. Becca is...” he took a deep breath. “Becca’s my great granddaughter.”

You also finally understood what it meant for it to be so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Bucky’s eyes bore into yours as he gave his answer.

“Can we just sit and talk?” He asked.

You nodded and he turned off the stove so he could grab your hand to lead you over to the couch. He sat you down in his lap and you couldn’t help it as you started crying into his chest because you felt like the worlds biggest asshole.

“Hey, Baby, don’t cry,” he said. “Not like you could have known. Hell not like I knew until recently.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” You asked him with tears in your eyes. “We usually tell each other everything.”

“Because... I dunno I was waiting for the right time. It’s kind of hard to go to your fiancé and ‘go hey meet my great granddaughter, Baby.’” He chuckled before wiping your tears. “Or that I have a son and he’s seventy-six.”

You raised your eyebrows. “Seriously?”

Bucky nodded and laughed. “I know right. It’s...” he sighed, “it’s so weird, but I’ve been hanging out with them and its been kind of great actually. Having a family. Hate that I didn’t get to see him grow up.”

“God I’m... such a bitch.”

He chuckled, shaking his head. “You would have never guessed,” he replied, placing a kiss to the side of your head. “So, yeah. Becca is my great granddaughter. I was picking her up from work. She’s seventeen.” He looked down then at you again. “I just... I wanna be in their lives. Make up for lost time.”

You nodded. “I get that.”

“I should have told you. I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t want you to get freaked out.”

“Bucky, I’d never get freaked out over something like that,” you said. “Things are different for you and I wanna be as understanding as possible.”

He smiled. “I know, but doesn’t make it any easier.”

“I know.” You put your head into his neck. “God I’m such an asshole.”

“No you’re not. Any woman would have assumed the worst like you did. I didn’t give you any reason not to.”

Your lip trembled as tears fell from your eyes again. “I’m sorry, Bucky.”

“I know, Baby,” he whispered.

“So, how did you find out?” You asked.

“Becca came looking for me. Saw stuff about the Avengers and saw me. My son James, his mom told him all about me so...”

You smiled, but you were still all teary eyed from the way you’d talked to him just now. “I’m so happy for you, Baby.”

“Yeah, well, they’re your family now too. If you still wanna get married.”

“Of course I do! I was just... I was scared to lose you so I freaked out.”

Bucky kissed your cheek. “You’re never gonna lose me, Doll. Besides, if anything this all just made me wanna be with you more. All I can think about is making babies with you.”

You laughed. “You would.”

“It’s true. All this just made me realize how bad I wanna have a family with you. I just... I mean our wedding is two months away, would it be so bad if we started trying now?”

You shrugged and he smiled before leaning into kiss you.

“Tell me you don’t want me to put a baby in this pussy and I’ll back off until the wedding,” he whispered into your ear.

“Daddy, I...”

You could feel him growing harder against your ass as he started grinding you into him. Fuck he knew how to get you to that point. You hated how it took pretty much nothing for you to want him to fuck the shit out of you.

“Tell me you want it,” he whispered in your ear. “Tell me you wanna have my baby.”

You sighed so deeply because his breath against your year was making you feel fucking feral. “I want it.” It was like you couldn’t even stop yourself from saying it.

“What do you want. Tell Daddy what you want.”

You looked up at him with those big eyes. “I want you to put a baby in me.”

“Yeah? I wanna make you a mommy, Doll,” he said, before putting his metal hand around your neck as he leaned you into him. He helped you pull your legging down until you could kick them off. Then kissed your shoulder as he spread your legs. “You want Daddy to put a baby in this little pussy, Baby?” He asked now that he’d pushed your panties to the side so he could play with your clit.

“Daddy,” you whimpered, leaning back so you could connect your lips to his. He started doing that thing again where his tongue fucked your mouth.

All that plus with the way he was touching you was making you forget all about how embarrassed you felt for accusing him of such a terrible thing. You should know that your daddy would never hurt you like that.

“Gotta teach you a lesson now,” he said. “Don’t you ever accuse me of something like that again. I should fucking spank you.”

“I’m sorry,” you said, your pussy feeling all tingly from the way his fingers were rubbing you making you let out a moan. “Daddy!”

“That’s it, Slut. Don’t you ever threaten to take this pussy from me again. It’s mine.” He growled into your ear and it made your stomach tighten especially when he started nibbling on it.

You nodded. “I’m sorry.”

“Good little slut,” he said. “You know better. This is mine.” Bucky’s fingers now dipped into your pussy making you let out a whine.

“Yes, Daddy!” You mewled as he stuffed your pussy with his thick fingers. Metal hand going from your neck to your tits.

“You’re lucky I can’t wait to fuck you or else I’d be punishing you, Doll,” he said as he groped you.

You leaned back so you could kiss him again. Reached between the two of you so you could take hold of his dick through his pants. Enjoying how hard he felt through the denim. “I know, Daddy.”

“You’re so lucky I wanna cum in this pussy instead.” Thats when he tore his hands out of you before forcing you to stand up. Bucky undid his pants, pushing them and his boxers off before pulling you back down.

He didn’t waste any time in sinking you down on his dick. Hands on your ass as he helped you move up and down. “Who’s pussy is this?”

“Yours,” you whimpered. “All yours.”

Bucky grabbed the hem of your top so he could pull it over your head, watching as your tits bounced. “That’s right, Doll. Not gonna pull that shit again.”

You shook your head and then threw it back as you moaned. Bucky pushed you to the side against the couch before getting up so he could climb on top of you.

“Fucking love this juicy pussy,” he said. His metal arm coming to grab at your thigh as he bent your leg over his shoulder.

He thrusted in and out of you, shoving himself inside of you as his dick stretched you out. You tugged at his t-shirt that he hadn’t taken off. “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!” Your head was bent back against the couch as you let out this low moan. “Fuck, Bucky!” Your eyes were watering as you started to feel your orgasm coming to you.

“That’s it, Baby, I know you want it. Want Daddy to cum in your pussy?”

You nodded as he got up so he could hold your throat again because he knew how much you loved it. “God, yes. I’m gonna cum.”

“Yeah?” He groaned. “Gonna cum on Daddy’s dick?” He was all in your face.

You reached up so you could tug on his hair. “Yes! Fuck, please.”

“Good because I’m gonna cum in you. Daddy’s gonna gonna fill you up, Y/N.”

You cried out wrapping your legs around him as you came so hard. Maybe it was from all that bullshit and you almost ruining everything because fuck it felt so damn good. Especially with the way he was fucking you through it.

That was when he got closer to you. His balls slapping against your ass as he started getting really deep into you. “Fuck,” he hissed. “Daddy’s gonna cum in this pussy, Baby. I know that’s what you need, Baby. Need Daddy to keep you pregnant.”

“Uh huh,” you moaned.

“I’m gonna keep getting you pregnant for as long as you can. Make you have so many babies.”

You couldn’t help it as the noises you were making started getting louder. “Yes. Please.”

That’s when his hips stilled as he started to fill you. His seed flooding into your womb for the first time. He put his head into your neck once he started moving them again, trying to make sure he could give you ever last drop.

He laid there on top of you. Breathing all heavy before pressing kisses into your neck again. “Was that our first time without a condom?” He asked.

“Uh huh,” was all you could say. It was like you couldn’t move.

Bucky chuckled seeing you all frozen before yawning and getting off of you. He grabbed you so he could carry you to your room, cradling you in his arms. When he finally laid you down he pulled the comforter over your body, pretty much tucking you in.

He took his shirt off before getting in beside you, “Comfortable?”

“Mhm,” you replied your brain feeling like it couldn’t think.

“You okay?” He asked.

“Yeah. You just made my mind into goo,” you grumbled.

Bucky smiled before kissing your nose. “Good.” He held you around your waist. “So,” he breathed, “what do you think about meeting everyone.”

“How much is everyone?” You asked with a smile, turning to him.

“There’s James. And, he had a son also named James and then he had a son named Kyle. He’s twenty-two.” Bucky laughed.

Your jaw dropped. “Jesus.”

He was still laughing. “I know, right. And he looks just like me. It’s kinda scary.” But, there was this softness in his face. It was different than the one he gave you, but there was almost this pride you’d never seen him have before. “Then there’s Becca. She’s so much like me it’s terrifying. She even has a friend like Steve. It’s awful.”

This time you laughed with him. “Would it be bad if I met them?” You asked.

He shook his head. “No. I’ve been wanting you to, they’ve even been asking, but I just... I didn’t wanna freak you out about being a great grandma.”

You pouted, creasing your brow. “Baby, I know how strange your life is to say the least. I’ve kinda made peace with the idea that there’s going to be random shit popping up. Kinda what I signed up for when I agreed to marry an old man.”

Bucky’s jaw dropped, before he patted your butt. “You’re such a brat,” he said before kissing you. Then he pulled you away. “Wait I didn’t tell you about Noel and Kimmy.”

You laughed and then wrapped your arms around him as he told you about the two youngest kids. God you felt like such an asshole now. Maybe a blowjob later would make it up to him.

[watchmegetobsessed]

Don’t Worry - Harry Styles

a/n: i’m so excited about this!!! this fic is my take on the song Don’t Worry by The 1975 for @harrystylescherry ‘s Playlist fic challenge! it took me a lot longer to finish this one, mostly because i chose to write about a topic that’s painfully close to my heart and life and i hope to help those of you who are struggling with similar problems. it’s a touchy subject and i really hope i can at least help just for a little by putting this piece out! also, huge thanks to Nat for this challenge and i can’t wait to read all the other fics!!

warning: eating disorder, lots of self-hatred but even more fluff and love!

word count: 3.8k

masterlist

Your teeth sink into your bottom lip a little harder than they should, it’s starting to feel painful but you don’t even realize. You’re way too fixated on the Instagram post in front of you, swiping through the same four pictures over and over again, crippling anxiety crawling up your spine, clouding your every thought.

Oh how you wish you could say that you’re not the jealous type. Well, in a way, you are not. You don’t think your boyfriend would ever cheat on you or leave you, that’s just not him as a person. Your jealousy roots in your insecurities about your body and it creates more of a confusion in your head about why Harry, your boyfriend of three years is really dating you when he could have anyone, any model or super gorgeous singer, actress out there, yet he settled for… you.

Your thumb swipes across the screen again as you keep staring at the bikini photos Kendall Jenner has recently posted. She is stunning, the perfect model type with her long legs, skinny torso and snatched waist. Hell, she could make you question your sexuality on other days even, but today she is feeding your burning insecurities.

The thought that at one point in life, your boyfriend was with her makes you feel sick, because you are simply nothing like her. In every sense, you are what others like to call curvy, however you often use other terms, some not too nice ones on your worse days. Your hips are wide, holding quite some meat on them, your full thighs never heard of such thing as thigh gaps, not even when you were a kid. Your tummy brings you a headache sometimes when you want to wear something tight, the urge to hide it stronger than your fashion sense. It’s been ages since you last dared to step out of the house without a bra on, your full breasts always need the support if you don’t want them to sit a little lower on your chest than what you prefer. There are rolls, extra skin, stretch marks and all that jazz on your body and has been for a long time. No model looks like this and you are more than aware of that. But if your boyfriend can get any of them, why did he settle for you?

Tears are threatening to roll down your cheeks when you finally close the app and stop staring at Kendall’s perfect body. You ball your hands to stop them from shaking as you make your way to the bathroom in need of some freshening up. The cold water in your face feels nice, but the moment your eyes fall on your reflection you almost cringe at your own sight, as if it’s a reminder of everything you thought about in the past hour.

What is Harry doing with someone like me? The question keeps playing in your head on repeat and you wish you had a relevant answer, but your tainted thoughts keep bringing you back to the same point: He surely will realize it himself and leave me.

You try your best to shake it all off your mind, but it’s not easy. Sitting at the dining table you busy yourself with some work you brought home, hoping the files will keep your wandering thoughts at bay, however the attempt is not quite successful. And then you hear the front door open and close, followed by Harry’s sweet greeting.

“I’m home, baby!” he calls out and you can tell he is in a great mood just from his voice. You force your best fake smile to your lips, not wanting to ruin his mood with your petty party. He walks in, eyes falling on your sitting figure at the table and though you don’t know it, his heart flutters, like always, even after three years together.

Harry is obsessed with you, to say the least. Every little thing about you fascinates him, he loves everything about you, inside and out, just the way you are and he vowed to never stop telling you how much he adorns you.

“Hey there, wha’cha doin’?” he asks, kissing into your hair as he scans over the papers on the table.

“Oh, just… some extra work,” you shrug, chewing on your bottom lip again, the skin is about to break soon for sure.

“Baby, you work too much. Take some time off,” he tells you, shuffling around before he disappears in the bedroom for a moment before reappearing. “Fancy taking a bath with me?” he offers with a cheeky smile.

Bath, for that you’d have to be completely naked in front of him. That cannot happen in this state of mind.

“Um, I want to finish this. Maybe next time,” you tell him with a faint smile.

“You sure? I could massage your shoulders the way you like it so much, we could try that new bath salt we bought.”

“I really want to get this done, H. You just go and enjoy your bath,” you insist, the stern voice catches him a little by surprise.

“Everything alright baby?” His eyebrows pull together as he watches you from across the room.

“Mm, everything is fine. Just… working,” you tell him, eyes on the papers in front of you, pretending like you’re reading the lines, but in reality you have absolutely no idea what the words are saying. You hear him mumble a soft alright before he disappears again, leaving you alone.

A shaky breath leaves your trembling lips once you hear the water running in the bathroom. You bury your face in your palms, feeling so defeated and lost, the only thing that would comfort you would be Harry, but he cannot know what’s been going on in your head. He would never understand the struggle.

These thoughts usually only last for a few days. You always manage to forget about them eventually and return to normality, but not this time. Days turn into weeks and you find yourself sinking deeper into the hole you created for yourself. It starts to effect more parts of your life too. You’re having a hard time sleeping, always waking up several times during the night and sometimes you don’t even fall back asleep after one point. You lose your appetite, your mind tells you that you don’t need the nutritious food, that you need to lose the fat because that’s the only way you can keep Harry. You stop wearing your favorite clothes, always opt for the looser ones that hide every inch of your body and spend way too much time zoned out. You keep catching yourself completely lost in your thoughts during the day, thinking about how Harry might be comparing you to his exes every time he sees you, especially naked.

It’s been long since the last time you were intimate with Harry and you feel so bad for it, but you haven’t been able to bring yourself to bare your body in front of him. You always blew him off with some lame excuse and though there’s a chance he didn’t catch onto whatever was going on, now you know he is suspicious.

And you’re right. Harry notices every little thing, all the changes you’ve been going through. How you leave half your plate uneaten at dinner or how he finds you lying awake next to him in the middle of the night. He also notices how your favorite dresses and shirts remain untouched through the weeks even though you always wear them whenever you have the chance. Instead, he only sees you in big hoodies and loose pants, hiding the delicious curves of your body. But what truly pains him is how you’ve been ignoring all his tries to get close to you, the way you move away from his touch.

The last straw however happens on a Friday afternoon. You are sitting on the couch, mindlessly clicking through Netflix on the TV, trying to find something to watch when Harry is roaming through the cabinets in the bathroom, looking for the lotion he only uses when his skin feels extremely dry. He is going through every drawer and shelf, not finding what he is looking for, but then something odd catches his attention. Some weird named pills are sitting at the back of one of the shelves, hidden behind your perfumes so he hasn’t noticed it, but as he takes it out to have a better look at them, he almost throws them across the room. He has heard of similar pills before, they do more harm than help in weightloss, ruining your digestive system so badly you can actually get way more serious health problems if you use them too long. He frantically tears the box open and see that one third of the pills are gone, meaning that you’ve been taking them for a little while now behind his back.

With the box in his hand, he marches out to the living room where you are still and holding the pills up, he needs everything in him not to flip immediately.

“What the fuck are these?” he grits through his teeth. Your breath gets caught in your throat, he was never supposed to find those, but the cat’s out of the bad and now you can’t think of anything to bring up to your defense, knowing well he very much does not approve these kind of stuff.

“They are… I’m doing a cleanse,” you say, but there’s no use to lie.

“Drinking juice is for cleansing, this shit ruins your body,” he spats, throwing the box to the couch and you bite into your bottom lip, feeling the tears building up already. “Why would you even think about taking these?”

“Why?” you chuckle bitterly, your vision blurry from the tears. “Oh come on, don’t be so oblivious.”

“Y/N, these stuff are dangerous!” his anger turns into despair and concern as he sits beside you on the couch. “Baby, why did you take them?”

“Because I’m desperate, Harry!” you snap at him, the hot tears running down your cheeks. “You have no idea what I go through every fucking day!”

“Then talk to me! I want to know everything, I want to help you!” he pleads, reaching for your hand but you move away from him. “Please talk to me, baby!”

“So you can feed me lies? I’m not naïve, Harry,” you shake your head vigorously.

“What are you talking about?”

“Me! I’m talking about… this,” you growl gesturing at yourself. Harry runs his gaze down your body, but he still can’t figure out what this is about. You look beautiful, you always do in his eyes, he has no idea what the matter is. “I’m not one of your exes and all those models you’ve been rumored to date, Harry.”

“Okay and why is that relevant?”

“Because how am I the right person for someone like you? I’m not skinny, I’m not pretty and I’ll probably never be anything like the girls you dated. Why are you even wasting your time on me?”

By the time you get to the end, your tears are flooding and it breaks Harry’s heart to see you like this. Feeling so unworthy when in his eyes, you deserve everything. You’re perfect.

“I’m not wasting anything on you, baby. Why do you even want to look like them? I love every inch of your beautiful body!”

You flinch at his words. Deep down you know he means them, but there’s this barricade on your mind that tells you he is not serious, that he is only saying those things because he feels like he has to say them, not because he means them. That evil little voice in your head keeps telling you not to believe anything he says.

How could he love your body? How could a man like him be okay with someone like you? He doesn’t want to be with you. He’ll realize it and leave you!

You wish you could turn it off, you wish there was a switch that would shut out all these thoughts, but they just keep coming and coming. Harry watches you break right in front of his eyes and he has no idea what to do, panic is setting in. He feels like a failure that he let you reach this point.

“Baby, I fucking love you. Everything about you. Please don’t feel like you have to change for me. I love you no matter what, I think you are the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen. If you want to change, do it because you want to do it for yourself! You don’t have to change for me!”

He is practically begging, desperate to get you to understand that you’re perfect to him just the way you are, that he is in love with every inch of your beautiful body. He reaches out to your face again and though you move away again and it pains him so much, he still goes through with the action and cups your face in his hand. His clammy palm meets your wet cheek as he turns your head so he can look into your eyes, but you are relentlessly keeping your gaze focused anywhere but him.

You can’t bear looking at him or yourself, you just want to disappear, vanish into nothing, existence right now feels like just too much.

“Love, please look at me,” he quietly begs and you shake your head no. “Please, let me see those beautiful eyes I love so much.”

You wince at his words and try to turn your head away, but he cups the other side of your face with his other hand, keeping it in place. Your eyes are wired shut, you just can’t look at him, it would break you.

Harry is kneeling next to the couch now where you are curled up, your arms wrapped around your knees as you try to hide yourself. You feel so lost, so miserable and you wish he didn’t see you like this.

“I can’t, Harry. I can’t,” you tell him shaking your head vigorously. Part of you feels so stupid for acting like this, but you just can’t help it. It’s not you anymore who is in charge of your mind and actions, you feel more like just a witness who sees herself from the outside and she doesn’t like what she sees, not even a bit.

Harry pushes himself up from the ground and takes the thick blanket from the back of the couch, draping it over you as he shimmies himself next to you, arms wrapping around your frame as he pulls you to his chest, covering you with the warm blanket as if it was some kind of shield from the world and that’s exactly what you need. A hiding spot.

You let him pull you to him, face buried into his chest as you sob into his shirt, his strong arms holding you so tight, you feel like nothing can hurt you with his hold around you.

“I love you, baby. I really do. And when I tell you I find you gorgeous and that how pretty I think you are, that’s the truth. I love everything about you. Fell in love with you the first time I saw you and I’m not even joking. Please don’t ever think that you have to change for me.”

“But I can’t stop thinking about how I’m so different from the people you’ve dated,” you whimper shaking your head. His hands squeeze your upper arm as he kisses the crown of your head.

“Different is not bad, baby. I didn’t date my previous girlfriends because they looked the way they did. If I’m thinking about it, I should feel a little offended you think I’m so shallow to care about these stuff,” he jokes, earning a faint huff that’s somewhat a laugh from you.

“I just think that you’re not blind.”

“That is correct,” he chuckles. “I’m not blind, that’s why I find you so incredibly sexy.”

“I really don’t see how you can use the word sexy to describe me,” you mumble closing your eyes as a headache is starting to form from how hard you were crying just a minute ago.

“What do you think there is on you that I shouldn’t find attractive?” he prompts the question in all seriousness.

“Please don’t get me started because we’ll never get to the end of the list,” you huff bitterly. It might have come out as a joke but there’s just plenty of the truth behind your words.

“No, seriously. Tell me what you think I don’t find attractive on you,” he nags and you give up with a sigh.

“Okay, I… I have fat rolls on my stomach,” you start off with the first thing that’s on your mind.

“Everyone has them.”

“But not as big as mine. Yours aren’t as big as mine.”

“So what? I love your tummy. It’s soft, keeps your organs safe, especially the ones that will help us start a family at one point. For me, your tummy means that you are enjoying the wonderful foods of the world, that you are well and have a great appetite. I fucking hate it when girls are just poking around their salads, complaining about calories and all that stuff. Do you have any idea how much I enjoy watching you eat? I think it might be a fetish at this point,” he chuckles, making you laugh as you hide your face in his chest.

“Please don’t say that.”

“Why? I love it when you enjoy the food, I love trying new food with you, cooking with you, see you satisfied when you’re full, you have no idea how happy that makes me.”

“Really?” you ask in a whisper.

“Absolutely. I love your tummy, it’s just even more of you to love on,” he hums kissing the top of your head. “Okay, what’s next?”

“I have so many stretch marks,” you whine with a scowl. “They are everywhere, on my thighs, my ass, my stomach, fucking everywhere!”

“I literally have nothing else to say than… I couldn’t care less. Honestly, most people have them, baby. It’s natural, your body is changing, it’s just trying to keep up with the pace. But you know what I’m looking forward to?”

“What?”

“I can’t wait till you have marks from pregnancy, Love,” he huffs dreamily and you can’t help, but smile at his words. “Those marks will be a reminder to me how much you’ve gone through for our family. I think those are just so wonderful.”

“Why are you linking everything with having babies?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” he asks chuckling. “Because I can’t wait to have babies with you. I can’t wait to see you with a big belly, so I can love on you, take care of you and that our babies, I’m so excited for that.”

“You want all of that… with me?”

“Have I not made it clear to you?” he asks, looking down at you and moving your head your eyes finally meet his. “I’m not just saying all those things for nothing, Love. I see my future with you.”

Closing your eyes you let his words sink in and for the first time in a while, your mind is not trying to convince you that he is not telling you the truth.

“Okay, next,” he mumbles, his fingers dancing up and down your arm as he holds you tight.

“My boobs are weird,” you say out loud, cringing at your own words. You hate talking about this.

“Excuse me? What’s wrong with my girls?” he gasps, making you laugh.

“They are not as round as I would want them to be, a little saggy because of the weight gaining.”

“But they are boobs,” he points out, making you furrow your eyebrows.

“Yeah?”

“Okay, so that’s all that matters. Boobs are great, nothing else matters. Men are simple, baby.”

“I can’t believe you,” you laugh swatting his chest playfully.

“What? I mean it! Do you think I think about all that stuff when I see your boobs? My mind goes: Oh my God, boobs! And that’s it. I just get excited to see your tits.”

“You are such a pig,” you laugh, snuggling closer to his side.

“Are you shaming me for my preferences now?”

“Your preferences?”

“Yeah, you are my preference,” he remarks smugly, kissing into your hair again. “I literally don’t know how to say it differently, and I’m sorry for being so vulgar in advance…”

“Oh God,” you mumble, already fearing what he’s going to say.

“But you have nothing to worry about until you see my dick getting hard at the sight of you.”

“That was highly inappropriate.”

“Yeah, but it’s true. I find you sexy and there’s evidence. I can’t really hide it,” he chuckles and when you look up at him you see a dirty, twisted smirk on his pink lips. “Please don’t ever doubt any of my feelings for you, alright?” he asks in a more serious tone. “And if you feel like this again, I want you to tell me. Those pills and bottling it up inside you don’t help. I don’t want you to risk your health just because you have doubts about me. I love you, and when I say that I mean that I love all of you. Everything.”

“Okay,” you answer in a faint whisper.

“Don’t just say okay because you want me to get out of your hair. Promise me that you won’t keep it to yourself. I want to help you, I want to be there for you like you are always there for me.”

“I promise,” you nod, sinking your teeth into your bottom lip.

“Alright. Have you eaten today?” he softly asks and you fear to give him an answer, because you haven’t been able to push anything else down than just your morning coffee. “Okay, then let me make you something.” “I don’t… I’m not hungry…” you quietly tell him.

“Mhm, then I’ll make something for myself and being the romantic boyfriend that I am, I’m gonna share it with my lovely girlfriend as a cute gesture,” he says, rephrasing what he said earlier. You don’t argue with him, just let him slip out of your hold and go to the kitchen to make something for the two of you.

It’s a tiny step on a lifelong journey and you know that. You know that your feelings and opinion about yourself won’t change from one day to the other, but you slowly start to accept it. You have a lot ahead of you, the road might get bumpy sometimes and maybe other times you’ll have to take a few steps back. But at the end, you know it’s all going to be alright, because you will never be alone. Harry will be your greatest support through it all and now you can finally see that.

Don’t Worry - The 1975

When you're in love but you don't know what to do with it When blackness hangs overhead like a cloud

Don't worry, darlin' 'Cause I'm here with you Don't worry, darlin' The sun will shine through

When you wake up and you don't know what day it is When the pain flows through your heart and your bones

Don't worry, darlin' 'Cause I'm here with you Don't worry, darlin' The sun will shine through

When you feel no one knows just what you're goin' through When your insides feel much colder than snow

Don't worry, darlin' 'Cause I'm here with you Don't worry, darlin' Oh, don't worry, darlin' Don't worry, darlin' I'll always love you You

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!

[hello-everyfandom]

"For a moment, listen silently, what does your heart say?”

Warnings: N/A

Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader

Words: 4k

Summary: Suffering lovers and hearts to be mended and stitched back together

Part One “I love you more than the sky and the ground but I can’t do this anymore.”

Part Two “No, it’s over. She ended it.”

(This one is quite long! How hopes and dreams turn into the most painful writing one could ever print. Please, I wish for my own heart to mend as Sirius’ will.)

The next few weeks were nothing but tragic. Lily could barely get you out of your bed nevertheless to class. It seemed that the fight, the breakup, the hurting wore down your stamina until you were not able to stand. It was worse after the party. Before, you could numb the pain of losing Sirius by distracting yourself with rewriting notes and organizing your room. But after the party, after seeing the love of your life lip-locked with another girl, kissing her the way he should kiss you, something in you broke.

Lily sat gently on your bed, placing the cup of warm tea on your table. She whispered kindly, “We have class in an hour, you missed breakfast but I brought you a cuppa.” She moved the duvet that covered your face to see your innocent watering eyes looking up at her. She sighed and smoothed out your hair, feeling the shutters of cries leave your lips. “You need to go to class, Y/N. I can’t keep telling McGonagall you’re sick without her sending you to St. Mungos.” 

“I don’t want to go.”

“Think about it this way,” Lily continued to run her fingers through your hair. She was thankful she had been able to get you to take a warm shower yesterday and change your pajamas, “If you go, you get it done and over with. Then you can come back and we can lay in your bed all afternoon.”

“I’m tired.”

“That’s why I brought you tea. Come on, love, it’s really time to get up.” Lily said gently, pushing the duvet so it was only covering your torso. Instead of sitting up, you blinked back tears before sputtering out.

“I made a mistake, didn’t I?” you covered your mouth, clutching your eyes shut to let out a cry. “I made a mistake breaking up with him. I’m an idiot. I’m a fool.”

“No, no,” Lily cooed, moving your hand from your mouth and petting your cheek, “No, you didn’t. You did what you thought was right at the time.”

“Then why does it hurt so bad?”

Lily didn’t have the answer, she could only reply with the utmost sympathy, “because you still love him.”

“Get up, you sad sack of shit. We’ve got charms in twenty minutes.” James flung the covers off of Sirius. His nose wrinkled at the sight of crumpled tissues that littered his bed. “That’s disgusting. Those tissues better not be from what I think it’s from.”

“You’re a right prick,” Sirius tried to smile, his lips cracked and chapped. 

“You’re not staying in bed anymore, and frankly you smell like shit.”

“It’s true,” Remus chimed in, straightening his tie and his hair. 

“So what? Leave me here. I don’t want to go anyways.”

“Right. Listen, Pads, we’ve been kind to you for a while now, but now, and I say this as sweetly and as loving as I can, we’re getting quite sick of your sulking.” James rolled his eyes.

“Oh wow, thanks,” Sirius said sarcastically, buttoning his shirt up. “You really know how to rip the plaster off, yeah?”

“Maybe if we obliviate you, you’ll become yourself once more,” Remus said wittily.

“I’ll permit it if it allows my memory to forget kissing that girl at the party.” Sirius nearly threw up at the memory of that girl’s lips on his.

James shrugged, throwing a tie at Sirius, “Well, we mean it with love and we know the break up has been hard but-”

“But?”

“But we miss our friend.” Peter finished. Remus nodded in agreement.

“It’s not easy, is all,” Sirius mumbled after brushing his teeth. 

James slapped his hand on his shoulder and said confidently, “No, it’s not. But that’s why we’ll all go through it together, as brothers.” and swiftly lead him out of the dorm room.

As Lily locked her arms in yours and the two of you walked from the Great Hall to class, you were distracted by the open windows of the corridors. The courtyard, which had just been littered with brown, orange, and red leaves, set a moment of comfort in your bones. You always enjoyed autumn, mostly because it was in fall when Sirius had first told you he loved you. You shook that memory out of your mind and looked at the hallway instead. Coincidentally, much to both Sirius and your demise, the marauders and Lily had accidentally crossed paths with each other on the way to class. Eyes like magnets were drawn close together as Sirius looked at you with storming emotions. He looked as if he hadn’t slept, and if he did manage to close his eyes, nightmares in the forms of memories followed him. To be fair, you didn’t look all that right either. Though you didn’t have as prominent bags under your eyes, underneath your loose clothing was skin and bone. Your appetite had lost you and eating became difficult as most of the time you felt sick to even think about food. Sirius looked at you, lost and longing, and you stared with the same intensity, wishing to be in his arms, to sleep for years and kiss until the sun explodes.

“Ms. Y/L/N, will you please stay after class?” McGonagall’s voice rang out in her sharp tone. You froze and looked at Lily worriedly who shrugged.

“You’ll be fine, don’t worry. Meet me in the common room after,” Lily whispered, squeezing your arm before leaving the classroom. It was loud and full of chatter from the students who excitedly were headed to dinner. You waited, pushing hair behind your ears nervously as the students collected their things and filed out of the room. Then, it was silent. You approached McGonagall’s office in the back of her classroom slowly, dreading whatever scolding she would give you. As you pushed open the door, you thought in your head quickly, you had handed in the homework, taken notes in class, raised your hand when asked a question, you couldn’t place anything you did particularly wrong and yet your palms began to sweat.

“Yes, Professor?” you asked with a small voice. McGonagall looked up from her desk and peered at you from her glasses. “Have I done something wrong?”

“Do you think you have done something wrong?”  

“I don’t reckon so, but I’m open to hearing any criticism if need be.” you focused on keeping your voice steady.

“Although, I’m sure you know the answer already, do you know what my particular job is here at Hogwarts?”

You bit your lip, “You’re a professor, perhaps one of the best ones here, of my favorites as well.”

“While I enjoy your compliment,” McGonagall sighed, “I am also the head of the Gryffindor house.”

“Yes, of course.” you nodded.

“And, with such a job comes the responsibility of looking after my students as if they were my own.”

“I’m not sure I understand, Professor.” 

“Sit, please, Ms. Y/L/N.” McGonagall motioned to the seat in front of her desk, a nice plush armchair with maroon velvet. “Despite the belief of my students, I do care, and I notice especially when a particular student seems out of place.” 

You sat on the edge of the seat and played with the threads of your sweater. “If it is my work that is not up to standard, I am sure I can revise or revisit whatever it is that has gotten low marks.”

“Your school work is hardly of the matter here,” Professor looked at the small girl in front of her. Once fiery and loud turned into a pebble on the floor. She admired and quite enjoyed having you as a student and took great pride in knowing you wore the Gryffindor sigil on your robes. But, like your friends, she had noticed an extreme change in demeanor in the past few weeks. “Are you doing alright, Y/N?” she asked kindly.

You looked up in surprise, “Yes, Professor. Though I will say, I will be disappointed if any of my homework or essays have been less than acceptable. I seem to be going through a little bit of a rough patch, I suppose.”

“I noticed,” you froze as McGonagall spoke, “Does this have anything to do with Mr. Black?”

“I-” you couldn’t think of an excuse. McGonagall put her hand up to stop your from speaking,

“Please, I may be older and I may be a teacher, but the students here seem to forget the Professors hear everything.”

You began to beg, “Professor, please, I promise whatever had happened will not affect my school nor my studies-”

She cut you off, “Have a biscuit, Y/L/N.” she motioned to the biscuit tin in front of her desk. When you showed signs of being wary, she opened the top of the tin and pushed it closer to you. Your hands shook as you took one and began to nibble on the edges.

“I do not speak of this, and I trust whatever I tell you and whatever you tell me stays in this office,” she started, you nodded furiously and she continued, “when I was younger, much much younger, perhaps about your age, I too fell in love.”

Your mouth fell agape.

“Dougal McGregor. I met him after my years at Hogwarts before I began my position at the ministry. It was, as most would say, a teenage love affair. We were much like you and Mr. Black. We argued senselessly, but we nevertheless loved each other. When he proposed, I was delighted. I accepted immediately.” your eyebrows rose to ask questions, however, McGonagall merely pushed the biscuit tin towards you again. You complied and took another.

“However, at the time, marriage between a muggle and a witch was proven more difficult than current times. Spouses of magical descent were forbidden to tell anyone of their skills in the wizarding world, and it. Well. The idea of living in a world without magic was unbearable. I had to make a decision.”

“What happened then, Professor?”

“I thought rejecting his proposal would be right for both of us, Dougal and I. I thought it was unfair to be kept in a magic-less marriage whilst Dougal would, in turn, be lied to every day. I made a decision and as a result,” her voice became low, almost sensitive, “I broke his heart and mine as well.”

“Oh Professor, I’m so sorry.”

“While it is in the past, I do think about him often. But, I suppose the feelings you are currently experiencing are what I felt when I left for the last time to London.”

“I see. Forgive me, Professor, why are you telling me this?” 

“Because I want you to know the consequences of decision making. The difference between truly thinking with your head and with your heart.” 

“Did you regret leaving?”

McGonagall pursed her lips in thought, the wrinkles shown prominently near her eyes, “Yes and no. I am overjoyed and proud to stand as the witch I am today. Becoming a professor and working with students, no matter how particularly unenjoyable some are, is a passion. However, it would be ignorant to say I did not frequently think about if I had stayed and married Dougal.”

“What happened to him?”

“I received a letter numerous months later, my mother had told me, Dougal married and was expecting his firstborn.”

“Oh,” you whispered.

“I find it humorous to sit here,” McGonagall gave you a wrinkled small smile.

“How so, Professor?”

“Because when I was heartbroken, the first person I told was my own teacher, you may know him now as Headmaster Dumbledore.”

“Really?” you asked in surprise.

“Yes, we sat here at my desk whilst I told him of my heartache. And now, I sit here, with my own favorite student, discussing hers.”

“I’m not sure if I would call it heartache, Professor,” 

“Then what would you call it?”

In class, Professor McGonagall was strict, sharp spoken. Instead, in her small office, she wore a sympathetic smile and her gaze was warm. You felt as though life and its troubles would cease their crimes against your broken heart the second you stepped in the room. But, still, you looked at her with lost sights, emotions swarming in pupils.

“I don’t think there is a word to describe it. All I know is I ache tremendously and nothing seems to fix this pit in my stomach. I. What do I do?” you begged for an answer.

“I’m afraid I cannot answer that. What I can say is, you’ve been thinking your entire life at Hogwarts with your head. You are a bright witch with a wonderful future ahead of her. You are hardworking and studious, and kind. But, you only seem to listen to your head for answers, you look for the logical position for your chess pieces. Stop your thinking. For a moment, listen silently, what does your heart say?”

Professor McGonagall looked at the time before sighing to herself, “I do suppose I’ve kept you too long, I trust you can find your way back to the common room?”

You nodded and stood, brushing off your skirt. “Of course. Thank you Professor for the biscuits. If it means anything, I’m sure Dougal loved you very much.”

“Y/L/N,” Professor called before you left, “You are welcome any time here, I was not lying when I said you were one of my favorite students.” 

You smiled back, “And I wasn’t lying when I said you were one of my favorite Professors.”

As you walked back to the Gryffindor common room, Professor McGonagall’s story repeated in your head, pounding against your brain and begging to be analyzed. If you thought carefully, letting go of Sirius was equivalent to McGonagall’s separation with Dougal. If you chose your studies and your career, Would you miss out on a life with your soulmate? There was no doubt in your mind that your heart belonged to a certain long-haired beloved. As the Fat Lady looked at you with great pity, you entered the common room, peaking around for Lily. The fire seemed to be the only source of warmth as it lit up the room, leaving shadows cast along the walls. You figured Lily must still be at dinner considering the common room was empty. You rubbed your tired eyes and sat on an armchair facing the fireplace. 

Sirius had decided wallowing was doing nothing but driving him across the wall. He threw a shirt over his shoulders and bounced down the stairs to meet the boys at dinner when he saw you. He could spot you from miles away even if he were blind to the bone. He recognized the old sweater you wore, one that had previously been owned by him. You loved the sweater despite threads coming loose and the smell of Sirius’ cologne fading away. He saw your hands curled up in fists, something you did when you were quite emotional or tired and the low messy bun you had pulled your hair into.

“I thought you were at dinner, Lils,” you spoke quietly, making him freeze. It had been so long, so many minutes and hours since he’d last heard your voice. “If you are here to drag me to the Great Hall, I have to decline as I’m morbidly exhausted from that emotional conversation with McGonagall.” 

Sirius attempted to find his voice, begging his vocal cords to say anything to you but all he could do was stand there, dumbfounded and aching to hear your voice once more. 

“Lily?” you expected to see your red-headed friend but instead made eye contact with him. “Oh.”

“Just Sirius,” he said awkwardly. You stood so you could face him, holding your hands in front of you.

You swallowed harshly and wished you had at least looked somewhat more manageable. “Sirius.”

“Y/N.” he answered. It was hushed, noiseless, painful. “Say something,” he begged.

“What do you want me to say, Siri?” he flinched when you used his nickname. You hadn’t even meant to use it, it just slipped off your tongue before you could realize it.

“Just. Say anything, yell at me, anything. Be angry at me!”

“Why would I be angry?” You weren’t angry. You were hurt.

“For...”

“For what?” you creased your eyebrows. 

“For kissing that girl at the party.”

You pursed your lips and Sirius only held sadness in his eyes. “Sirius...”

“I kissed another girl that wasn’t you, and it is absolutely tearing me apart. I want you to be angry with me.”

“I can’t.”

“Be mad! Yell at me!”

“Sirius,” you stopped him, putting a gentle, small hand on his arm, “We broke up.”

Sirius threw his arms in the air and ran a finger through his hair frustratedly, “that doesn’t make it okay.”

“Doesn’t it? We broke up,”

“No! It doesn’t because I told you, I promised you, I swore I would never kiss another person. I promised I was yours and yours only. And I am. I mean... I was.”

“Sirius, please,” you choked, “It’s hard enough to be around each other already.”

“Don’t you miss me? Miss us?” Sirius had to stop himself from gathering you in his arms and rubbing the small of your back. Biting your lip and eyes beginning to water, you said as quietly as you could,

“Of course I do. I miss you more and more every day. And yes, it... it hurt to see you with that Ravenclaw girl, but it doesn’t matter. We aren’t dating anymore.”

“I don’t know. I think.” He laughed humourlessly, as if the air escaping his lungs were nearly painful to feel, “I think I would’ve gone mental if I had seen you kissing someone.”

“I...” you stopped and sighed. You sat down on the couch, moving slightly to the left. Sirius looked cautiously before sitting next to you, facing you as you looked towards the fire. 

“We can still talk, can’t we? We used to talk all night until Moony would shush us like an old librarian.”

“I don’t know, Sirius. It’s hard. Isn’t it? It’s hard.”

“I know. But, I miss talking. Won’t you just tell me how you’re doing?”

You debated on lying, telling him you were fantastic, but something in you begged you to tell the truth even if it felt like magma on your tongue. “I’m not doing well.”

“Are you stressed about school? I’ve told you many times, you’re the smartest witch in our year, I doubt you have anything to worry about.”

“That’s not it.” you bit your lip, turning from the fire to look at those eyes you so deeply longed for.

“Then what?”

“It’s difficult.”

“Try me.”

“It’s difficult... with us, or without us, I should say.”

Sirius slightly flinched hearing those words and swallowed harshly, “I get the feeling.”

“How have you been?” you asked curiously, studying the way his eyebrows creased and his fingers threading through his hair.

“Same as you, I suppose.”

“Really?”

“Prongs and the boys, they’ve been on my back lately. Say I’ve been moping too much, I’m a downer it seems.”

You giggled under your breath and wrapped your arms around yourself, “Lily says the same. Though, I guess she’s just worried.”

“Worried?”

“I haven’t been sleeping as well, I’m sure you’ve noticed the bags under my eyes,”

“No,” Sirius said truthfully, “I think you still look as beautiful as ever.”

Your lungs stopped breathing, every airway and vein in your body closed as you began to shut down. You stood abruptly and began racing towards the dorm staircase.

“Stop!” Sirius shouted making you freeze, your hand still on the banister. “Stay. Talk to me.”

You wiped angry tears from your face that you didn’t even notice dripped down your cheeks, “And say what? It. it’s torturous, it’s beyond excruciating to be around you.” You thought about your chat with McGonagall, begging your heart to speak, scream anything to make to stop your head from making decisions.

Sirius’ lips frowned, hurt at your tone and your words. “Baby...”

“No! I. It’s too difficult.”

“Why?”

“Because when I look at you, when I see you, when I feel you around me, everything tells me I’ve made a mistake. Is that what you wanted to hear? I made a mistake. I fucked up. I fucked up because I was terrified of us. I was scared of driving you away, scared of you deciding you didn’t love me anymore. And I can’t. I can’t do it! I can’t. I made a mistake.” you spat out breathlessly. Sirius watched in horror as you began to hyperventilate and dove to put his arms around you. He had seen your panic attacks and held you through every one, but this time it felt different. Your breathing began to rapidly increase as you couldn’t hold back broken sobs. 

“Breathe, breathe, love. It’s okay. It’s all okay.” he held your face in his hands, cupping your cheeks like he used to. Your eyes searched his desperately for any buoy that could save you from the drowning you felt. As he blinked, you found your life vest, holding on for dear life as you breathed fresh air into scattered lungs.

“Breathe, okay? ‘M right here, not going anywhere.” he whispered low, kissing your forehead and wiping your tears.

“I’m sorry.” you sobbed, “I made a mistake. I love you. I do. I’m so sorry. What have I done? I love you. I love you more than anything, and I’ve ruined it all.” you threw yourself at him, arms gripping tightly as he caught you. Sirius’ arms snaked around yours, pulling you back to life, back to the earth. He was yours. He knew it. He’s never been anyone elses and he never plans to. How stupid he had been to let you go, to kiss another girl, to pretend he was okay when he was truly devastated. 

“We’re okay, yeah? Take care of each other, now, yeah?” Sirius rocked you slowly, feeling your cries die down in the comfort of his arms. 

“I’m so sorry.”

“Me too, darling.” Sirius guided you slowly to the couch, setting you comfortably on the cushions, “sit for a while,”

You nodded loosely as you leaned on his chest, hiccuping with cries. “I thought I was doing the right thing, leaving you. Had I known how wrong it was, I would’ve thrown myself off the Astronomy tower before ever breaking up with you.” 

“Don’t say that,” Sirius hushed, “I know, you thought it was the right thing. You were trying to protect yourself and me.”

“I’m a fool. A stupid, foolish girl.” you muttered, still catching your breath.

“Don’t say that either. I made mistakes too, perhaps one I’ll regret for the rest of my life.”

“Oh, Sirius.” you began to cry again, “I don’t care if you kissed another girl. I don’t. I just care that I’m the girl you want next to your side.”

He turned your limp body so he could cup your cheeks again, rubbing with the pads of his thumbs. “You will always be the girl. Always. Nothing will change that.”

“Sirius,” you whispered, looking at his lips.

“Yes, love?”

“Kiss me.”

That was all Sirius needed to hear. For days, weeks, endless hours, the two of you, broken hearted souls walked the earth wondering when the pain would end. Sirius tried drinking, you tried swallowing textbooks whole. Nothing seemed to work. Nothing seemed to mend the hurt you felt panging your insides, sending waves of heat down your spines. Nothing could distract you from the absolute shattering sadness that your bodies felt. Two broken hearted souls. Two souls joining for a kiss. A kiss that would last centuries as Sirius vowed to marry you the minute your lips connected. Togetherness, the touch of a soulmate. He moved his lips against yours slowly, tasting, memorizing and wishing this moment would never end. Salty tears and content smiles, at last, the two broken souls found what truly mended, what stitched your hearts back together. Each other. Forever in eternity, never drifting apart for long as fate, the universe and every good hearted soul brought you two together. 

[backtobackbakubabe]

Speak Easy Part 6

Bakugo x Reader, Dabi x Reader

Words : 4954

Masterlist

Reader has a siren quirk and has spent the past several years of her life as a captive being experimented on by “heroes” Now that she’s out she needs protection and safe place to heal. Who will be the one to put her pieces back together?

Words with ‘this’ is dialogue written in her journal rather than said out loud and and words with ~this~ is dialogue said in sign language rather than out loud.

***********************************************************************

You had attempted to rush off to your room, but you hardly made it back into the house before your knees gave out. It wasn’t even because your legs were tired. If that were the case, you would have gladly crawled just to get away from him. No, you fell because your head was spinning.

You couldn’t seem to catch your breath as the world spun around you. You curled up on your side and let the tears silently stream down your cheeks. You didn’t know how to make it stop because you didn’t even know what was happening. Were you having another panic attack? Was it a side effect of drowning? Was this what it felt like to break Cogernot’s quirk?

Regardless you did as Dabi taught you. You closed your eyes, you took as deep of breaths as you could manage, and you counted.

You heard him step into the house and you could feel the heat radiating off of him as he sat next to you. He made no attempts to touch you or say anything. Which was probably for the best because you could feel yourself on the verge of a mental break.

This was going to be the thing that pushed you over the edge. The whole time you’ve been here you’ve kept your shit together. In all fairness it was mostly due to Dabi’s strict routine. He didn’t give you time to wallow of feel sorry for yourself. From day one he focused on your recovery. But it wasn’t until now that you realized you never talked to him about what happened to you. It was almost as if he thought if the two of you didn’t talk about it, you would just somehow magically forget it ever happened. You bottled it up and pushed it away, but it was still there. Threatening to explode all over the progress you had made. Today just might be the day.

“I know you want nothing to do with me right now… but –“

Your eyes shot open to see him reaching a hand out to you. You smacked it away. ~Don’t touch~

Dabi visibly flinched. Why had you just signed at him? Had he not just broken you free of that shitty quirk? Had he failed? Was this all for nothing? He almost started to panic himself but then he remembered you HAD spoken. Even if your words dripped with hatred and your eyes cut him to the bone. You spoke… out loud…

He desperately wanted to pull you into his lap. To calm you down. To praise you and comfort you. But he knows he can’t. He’s lost that privilege. You don’t even need him anymore. You’re starting to walk just fine on your own now. You don’t need him… and he was the one who helped you get there.

The thought upset him more than it should have. He didn’t even want you here to begin with. How had you managed to crawl under his skin so much? You had wormed your way into his life and now every thought was consumed by you. Taking care of you, feeding you, making you strong again.

You slowly stood up and gave him one last glare before storming off to your room. Well in your head you stormed off, but in reality, it was more like a drunken wobble. You were still soaked to the bone and you were starting to shiver. You had made a puddle on the kitchen floor where you had been lying, and because that was just the kind of day you were having you slipped right through it.

Dabi was on his feet and hovering behind you. His hand gripped your elbow to steady you. You activated your quirk and let him feel the rage bubbling inside you. You wanted him to know how angry you were, how hurt and betrayed you felt. At first he gripped you tighter, but eventually your emotions overwhelmed him and he had to let go, just so he didn’t have to feel them anymore.

You ripped your arm away the second he dropped it and continued towards your room. You threw the door open and slammed it behind you. You slumped to the floor and did something you had needed to do for weeks now. You screamed. You let all of it out. Your anger, your fear, your heartache. You screamed until your throat was raw and your head pounded.

When you were done you took a deep breath, picked your head up, and let the numb wash over you. You stripped out of your wet clothes and hoped into a warm shower. The whole time the only thought in your head was ‘Why?’

The next few hours passed in a blur. You managed to get out of the shower and get into bed, but you couldn’t sleep. Your adrenaline was pumping. You couldn’t convince your body you were safe enough to sleep. It remained in fight or flight. You sat there in silence hugging the pillow to your chest.

It was so quiet that the creek of the floorboards outside you room made you jump. “Y/n… I know you’re mad at me… but you still need to eat something.” You heard him shuffle around a bit. “I’ll just leave it out here by the door. I’ll be in my room….”

You didn’t move from your spot on the bed until you heard his door close across the hall. Part of you knew that you needed to eat. But a larger part of you just… couldn’t. You didn’t understand. The food was right there, you just needed to open the door. But for some reason you just couldn’t make yourself do it. So instead you rolled over and pulled out your journal.

There was something ironic about you didn’t really need it anymore, yet now was the time you were most desperate to write in it. So you did. You poured your thoughts out page after page. Everything you wanted to say to Dabi, everything you wanted to say to Katsuki, to Izuku, to Todoroki and Kirishima. You started writing down memories of what had happened to you, in as much gory detail as you could remember. You wrote and you wrote and hours passed as you hunched over your notebook just looking for the right words to take the pain away. What would it take? What did you need to do to make yourself feel better?

It wasn’t until there was a soft knock on the door that you realized how deep into it you were. “Y/n… Be mad at me all you want, but don’t take it out on yourself. You need to eat something. Please. I made lunch. I’ll leave it here.” You heard the scraping of a plate being put on the floor outside your room.

How was that man capable of being such a monster, and yet so soft? He literally tried to kill you and now here he is worrying over you because you’re not hungry? Funny how dying tends to fuck with a person’s appetite.

You began to really think about Dabi. His motivation in all of this, what did he gain from helping you? Was he just doing his little brother a favor? Sometimes he treated you like his bratty little sister, and then there were nights like last night… You felt your face heat at the memory of you riding his thigh. It had felt so right at the time, but now it makes your stomach twist.

“Y/N! Can you at least say something, so I know that you’re fucking alive?”

The audacity of this fucking man. He wants to make sure you’re alive… after he almost killed you….

You picked up a cup that had been sitting on your nightstand and threw it at the door. It shattered on impact and it had felt to fucking good. There, that should be enough confirmation for him.

“GOD DAMNIT! ENOUGH Y/N! I’ve let you have your pity party. I don’t care if you’re mad at me. I don’t care if you want to throw a fucking tantrum. But you WILL eat something. This is getting fucking ridiculous.”

You picked up the lamp and threw that next. It was sturdier than the cup had been, so it wasn’t as satisfying but it got your point across none the less.

“Y/n… open the door please. We can talk about this.”

He had to have known your door wasn’t locked. It was one of the laws. It was one of your laws. Yet he made no attempt to open it. He remained on the other side with your uneaten food.

“Well if that’s how you want to be then fine. I guess I’ll just have to sit here and talk to the door then.” You heard him slide down the door as he sat down, leaning against it. “I’m sorry. I fucked up. I need you to know that. I need you to know that I realize how fucked up what I did was. I don’t want to make excuses, but I do want to explain. And I want to do it when you can look me in the eye, so you know I’m not lying.”

Again, he was met with radio silence. He sat there for a long time. Finally, after what felt like hours he stood up, “I guess I’ll go start dinner then…”

You looked at the clock on the wall and was surprised to see how late it was. Usually around this time you’d be finishing up with the pool, you cringed. Yeah safe to safe you won’t be getting back in, probably ever.

Dabi forced himself to leave your door, carrying your second uneaten meal of the day with him. He woke up his laptop and started up the video for today’s lesson for sign language. He watched it as he cooked, but he didn’t absorb anything. He was too focused on trying to find a way to fix this.

His hands kept clenching and unclenching. He knew what he needed to do. But it was going to suck. If it would get you to eat though then he didn’t care.

He wasn’t an idiot. He knew you wouldn’t die from not eating for a day. He was more worried about the psychological part of it. When he got out of the league, he had started messing around this hot shrink. She had a real savior complex, but the one thing she got right about him was his need for control. After being abused for so long he had to have control over every situation. Which sometimes when he really felt helpless included his eating habits. When everything else felt out of control, at least he could control that. At least he could decide when and if he ate. He was nervous you were pulling the same shit. He didn’t want to see you waste away because you were desperate for something you could control.

He’d swallow his pride. He’d do this for you.

A knock on the door had you groaning.

“Hey dork. It’s me. Dabi called and said you weren’t feeling well. I made some spicy ramen with pork… You gonna let me in before it gets cold?”

You jumped to your feet and ran to the door. You cracked it open at first to make sure it really was Katsuki and that he was alone.

He smirked at you through the small gap, “Don’t worry he’s not with me, now let me in before I kick the door down.”

He opened it enough for Katsuki to enter and then quickly shut it again. He waited and followed you over to you bed and took a seat at the foot of it. “So, Scarface was a little vague on the details, but he said you were mad at him and refusing to eat.” He placed the warm bowl of ramen into your hands, “Want to talk about it?”

Your stomach started to rumble at the familiar smell of Katsuki’s cooking. You couldn’t deny yourself any longer. You took a huge bite and almost moaned at how good it tasted. You quickly took a few more bites before wiping you mouth on your sleeve and sighing. You needed to talk about it, but was Katsuki really the best option for that? The chances of him blowing up the house was pretty high.

You reached a hand out and put in on top of his and released a calming feeling. “Uh oh…must be bad you’re already trying to calm me down.”

You gave him a halfhearted smile, “Uh… well…” The sound of your own voice made your skin crawl. It sounded wrong, even though you were pretty sure that’s how it always sounded. It made you pause for a moment to collect yourself.

In that brief pause Katauki’s eyes almost bugged out of his head, “Wait a fuckin minute! You’re talking again? Since when? Holy shit!” You could feel his excitement bubbling up along with pride and admiration. It was sweet, and it gave you the boost you needed to keep going.

You played with a strand of your hair, “Since…. Now…. I guess.” You averted your eyes embarrassed, “Or well… since I… well I kind of drowned… briefly.” You looked back up and saw fire behind Katsuki’s eyes and anger was coming off of him in waves.

“And where was Dabi when this happened?”

You knew you were practically signing Dabi’s death certificate but telling Katsuki this, but you weren’t going to cover for him either. “He was there….”

Katsuki’s fist clenched, “Don’t tell me the bastard watched you almost die and didn’t help you.” You bit your lip. “Y/n… what are you not telling me?”

You put both hands on him now desperately trying to overwhelm him with calm emotions. “He was the one who held me under…”

His hands tore away from yours as they crackled with a very real threat of explosions. He stood and stomped towards your door, not even bothering to ask you to elaborate. You knew you needed to stop him, there was no scenario where this ended well for anyone. “Katsuki stop.” He ignored you as he reached for the door. “Katsuki… please.”

He froze with his hand hovering over the doorknob. His voice was dark and oddly low,“Y/n… there is nothing you could possibly say to me right now that would change my mind about killing the mother fucker.”

You couldn’t believe you were actually about to defend Dabi, but it wouldn’t be fair if you didn’t at least tell Katsuki the whole story. “Even I told you he did so I could talk again?”

He turned to look at you and signed as he spoke, “I still don’t care! You were learning sign… you were communicating just fine.” He threw his hands up in exasperation, “Why was him drowning you even fucking necessary?”

Katsuki was starting to take that familiar condescending tone with you and you honestly were not in the mood for it. He had done this a million times growing up. He’d make up his mind about something and make you feel dumb until you agreed with him. “Look I’m not saying that what he did was right. I’m not saying I’m not furious with him. Me not speaking was because of some guys quirk.” You stood and made your way over to Katsuki and began pushing him away from the door. “Dabi knew the guy and said if my brain thought I was dying it would somehow reverse the quirks affects.”

He stopped walking and it was like pushing against a brick wall. “You could have fucking died y/n!”

“Do you think I DON���T KNOW THAT?” You pushed on him again, “Do you think I’ve just been sitting here all day twiddling my thumbs? Today has been fucking awful! I don’t need you to talk sense into me. I don’t need you to kick the shit out of Dabi. What I need if for you to just sit down with me, and just- just let me be. I don’t know!” You gave him one final hard shove which lead to him sitting back at the end of your bed.

His eyes were a mixture of sadness and hurt. “I’m not trying to make this harder on you, I promise. But he put your life at risk and that’s not just something I can just be okay with.” His hands reached up and cupped your cheeks and brushed away a tear you hadn’t even realized was there. “I don’t know if you’ve realized this yet, but I would kind of prefer you to stay alive… you aren’t allowed to die before me. Especially at the hands of some ugly sociopath.”

You leaned into his touch, “Please, for me. Just let it go for now. Let this be between me and Dabi. Be mad all you want, believe me I’m pissed, but you don’t need to get involved. I’m a big girl. I can handle myself.”

He pulled you towards him and moved one hand to cradle the back of your head and pulled you into his arms. He pressed a kiss to the top of your head. “Only because you said please. But I hope you know this means I’m coming to check on you more often now.” His fingers carded through your hair. “Actually… if you’re not comfortable here anymore… You could always come stay with me.”

“I thought that was too dangerous, what with heroes and villains alike apparently looking for me.”

He chuckled, “I’d love to see someone try. They’d have to go through me.”

“Yeah, but you can’t always be around… you have a job to do. An important one.”

He gave a sad sigh as his grip on you loosened enough for you to pull back and look at him, “Yeah… I do.” There were a few tense moments when your eyes connected, and you could see the way his eyes drifted to your lips as he licked his own. Ever so slightly he started leaning in closer to you.

Your breath hitched in your chest, as your brain went a mile a minute. Sure, you always had a feeling things might end up this way between you and Katsuki. There was a time when you went to bed every night fantasizing about the moment he would finally break down and admit he liked you. You had known him since you were children and there was always this feeling that if ever given the opportunity the two of you would end up together. But, for some reason it felt… off.

You leaned your forehead against his. “I don’t think right now is the best time for this.” You watched his eyes close as he tried to school his emotions. “It’s not that I don’t want to, because believe me I’ve thought about it. But right now, my life is in shambles. It’s not your job to fix me. That’s my job. And I need you to let me do it. Okay? I need you to let me do this on my own.”

He groaned but nodded as he pulled his head away from yours. “I don’t like it, but I get that I have to respect it.” His thumb rubbed soothing circles on your thigh. “I don’t want you to have to do this alone. I’ve always… Fuck.” His cheeks tinted the lightest shade of red. “I can’t stand to watch you struggle. It sucks knowing you’re out here stuck with him, dealing with so much shit that you should never have to deal with.” He hung his head low, “I just wish I could fight your demons for you. I wish I could lock you away and keep you safe from all the evil of this world.”

You pulled his chin up to make him look at you. “Katsuki you have always been there for me. There hasn’t been many problems in my life that I haven’t solved leaning on you for help.” You saw a glimmer of pride in his eyes. “But this isn’t something you can punch away. It isn’t something you can yell at until it stops hurting. I have to do this on my own.”

Tension was thick in the air. You knew there was so much he wanted to say. You could tell he was ready to fight you on this. But he surprised you by nodding and untangling himself from you. “I need to get going. I have a lot of work to do.” You could see the subtle sting of rejection in his eyes but he quickly covered it with his trademark smirk. “You say you don’t want my help but I’m going to anyway. I’ll help by locking up every single shithead that anything to do with your kidnapping.” He stood up and gave you one more, quick hug. “And that’s a fucking promise.”

You followed him as he left your room, intent on walking him to the door. You wanted to make sure he actually left instead of picking a fight with Dabi. But luck never had been on your side. You exited the main hallway and Dabi was sitting in his normal recliner. He looked up eyes cold as they landed on Katsuki, much softer when they found yours. You tried to give Katsuki a push in the direction of the door, but he stopped dead in his tracks.

“Oi! When I gave you the fucking list of things to do to help her with her period, I don’t remember drowning her being on it!”

Dabi’s eyes returned to Katsuki’s agitated one and for a while you thought he wasn’t going to answer. “Did you get her to eat something?”

“Don’t avoid the subject. You’re fucking lucky she begged me not to hurt you. Otherwise your ass would be dead.”

You something like surprise flash in Dabi’s expression. “Bold of you to assume that I am the lucky one here. It seems to me she was just trying to protect her little pet Pomeranian from getting hurt.” He grinned at the way Katsuki’s hands popped in anger. “But thank you for getting her to eat. She had me worried.”Bakugo lunged at him but you quickly stepped in the way and put a hand on his chest. You looked him in the eyes shaking your head and have him a shove towards the door.

Dabi could feel his stomach sink at the fact that the only words he had heard you say was “fuck you” He knew you had been in your room chatting away with man boobs and it stressed him out. Even now you refused to speak in his presence, and it killed him. He was the reason you could speak again and yet you refused to speak to him. That idiot Bakugo had nothing to do with it and yet gets to reap the benefit of Dabi’s sacrifice.

Dabi’s blood began to boil. He knew Bakugo would never in a hundred years have the balls to do what he did. He wouldn’t have the nerve to go through with it. Dabi did what he did for you, even if you refused to see it that way. Does he hate that he had to do it? Yes. Is he sorry, of course. But does he regret it… not really.

He watched as you pushed until Bakugo was successfully out of the house. As soon as the door was closed you turned and started to run back towards your room “OH NO YOU DON’T!”

He stood up and chased after you. “We are talking about this weather you want to or not. You can’t hide from me forever. You can’t mope around all day, not eating and expect me to just let that go. Law number seven we eat three full meals a day!” He got to your door just in time for you to slam it in his face. He had been so patient with you today. Not once had he forced himself into your room even the door was unlocked. He respected the fact you needed space. However, when he reached down and noticed that you had locked the door, he didn’t feel so bad about what he was about to do.

“Law number six! No locked doors!” His pressed his palm flat against the wooden door and burned straight through it. He burned a hole big enough for him to reach his hand through and unlock it from the inside.

He carefully avoided all of the broken glass on the ground from earlier. And stomped over to where you were trying to ignore him. You went through your dresser, picking out what you planned to wear to bed. You took a step towards the bathroom, but he stepped in your way.

“Y/n. Can we please talk about this?” You tried to step around him, but he just moved to block you again. “FINE! We don’t have to talk about it, but you will listen to what I have to say!”

You crossed your arms over your chest stubbornly and avoided making eye contact with him.

“I know what I did sucked. But I HAD to DO IT!” His voice was steadily getting louder. “You had to think you were dying. What did you want me to do? Hold your hand, tell you everything was going to be fine, and then pretend to drown you? It wouldn’t have worked!” He leaned over you and grabbed your chin forcing you took look at him. “I knew you’d be mad. I knew it might fuck up all the progress we’ve made. But I did it anyway! I did it for you!”

You slapped his hand away. “You DID IT FOR ME!? YOU ALMOST KILLED ME!”

There it was. Your voice. It hit him like a truck and it was enough to spur him on. “Yes for you! So you could talk again! So you could start to take back what those fuckers took from you! I decided you liking me wasn’t as important as you being able to talk again. Go ahead and hate me, but I need you to understand why I did it! What I was willing to sacrifice!”

Your eyes bore into his and it honestly almost sent shivers down his spine. “I understand just fine! You see me as this sad little broken girl. You thought I was so broken that you were willing to risk my life to fix me. Let that sink in Dabi… you gambled with MY life. What the hell were you sacrificing?”

“YOU!” His voice dripped with emotion. “I was sacrificing any chance I had with you so that one day I could watch you take back your life and get revenge on the people who hurt you.” He ran a hand through his white hair. “I would literally burn every single one of those monsters and piss on their ashes if I thought it’d help. But I know it wouldn’t! That’s a privilege that only belongs to you and I’d do anything to be able to watch you do it. Because I know you’re not broken! You’re a badass who doesn’t need anyone’s help. You are one strong bitch!”

There was pain in his eyes “I didn’t gamble with your life y/n, because I was so sure I wouldn’t let anything happen to you I was so sure nothing would go wrong.” He reached a hand out to touch your cheek, and surprisingly you let him. “Go ahead and activate your quirk. Feel what I feel. Feel what it was like to think I killed you. Feel what it was like to think that I am the monster everyone thinks I am…”

You activated your quirk and was hit so hard with anguish that you practically choked. He was grieving, even now, and somewhere buried under all his pain was something else entirely. But you weren’t ready to address that. “I hate what I did to you, but I don’t regret it, because it worked. It made you stronger. And in this fucked up world, only the strong make it out alive. So yes, Y/n… I did it for you.”

You felt you heart pounding in your chest. This was either the most fucked up or romantic thing you had ever heard, and you couldn’t figure out which one it was. Your hand came up to his that was still on your cheek. For a while you just stood there. Absorbing each other’s presence, then out of nowhere his lips cashed to yours.

Some animalistic instinct took over as you immediately wrapped your arms around his neck pulling him closer. He leaned over cupping your ass in hands and picking you up until your legs wrapped around his waist.

His lips pulled away from yours to start kissing down your neck nipping at your ear before returning to your lips. You squealed when his hand lightly slapped at your ass.

He made his way to the bathroom and sat your ass on the counter, his hands sliding up your thighs as he pulled back to look at you. “Law number thirteen?”

Part of you wanted to say no. You were still furious with him, but all your brain could think about was the orgasm you had just from riding his thigh. Your body was aching to be touched and from the look he was giving you, he was aching to touch you.

You slid your hand under his shirt and so lightly he almost didn’t hear it you muttered, “please.”

*****************

Tags: tags: @falling4fandoms @wifunozomi @here-in-never-land @whore-for-anime@klecksstorys @aurorahoneybuns @theunknownrandom @insane-without-delirium @frenchsfryys @officiallydarkgeek @neofixcs @music-is-all-i-need @katsuki-bakubabe @unadulteratedtastemakerpoetry @dabislittlemouse @aimee1602 @pinkhatlizzy @kunaigirlx44

[raibebe]

Sugar and Spice

Genre: Fluff? Words: 4.390 Warnings: none for this chapter

Chapters: | 1 | 2 | 3 | masterlist

A/N: Sugar and Spice is a series now, I know you all probably wanted more smut but I chose to write a prequel about how Jeno ended up being a sugar baby in the first place.  Since this is going to be a longer story, I wanted to try to do it in chapters instead of writing one giant thing. Later on I will switch the POV but I felt like it was needed to start off with Jeno’s.  Do not worry, there will be smut in later chapters.

Taglist: @yutaalove​, @byunniebaekhyunnie​

Like all the bad decisions Lee Jeno had made in his life, this one started with none other than Lee Donghyuck. The two boys were sitting in the university’s cafeteria where Donghyuck watched Jeno eat the food they had served with a disgusted look on his face. “I don’t understand how you can even swallow that.” “It’s either this or instant ramen again and I am pretty sure my body consists of 60% ramen already,” Jeno whined, trying to wash down what must be the most dry piece of meat he had ever tasted his entire life with some water. “Dude you work like three jobs,” Donghyuck groaned, kicking his friend beneath the table. “Got fired from the library because they caught me sleeping,” Jeno sighed deeply. “You look like you’re ready to pass out right now.” “Hyuck, I am functioning on three hours of sleep and two redbull.” “Jeno,” Donghyuck sighed and Jeno hated it when he used that tone of voice. He didn’t need Donghyuck’s pity. He could do this. He was fine. Well mostly. Apart from the fact that he got an average amount of four hours of sleep, was barely passing his classes and got fired by one of his many part time jobs every few months his life was absolutely peachy. “I’m sure if you talk to your parents again-“ “No,” he cut Donghyuck off, “I won’t come begging at their door. I chose this path for myself and they simply don’t agree Hyuck.” “Your parents suck ass,” his friend sighed, leaning back in his chair, “Pretty sure my parents would throw a party each day for a week straight if I had told them I wanted to become a vet.” “Well mine aren’t,” Jeno sighed and raked a hand through his messy hair. It was getting too long again, his bangs hanging into his eyes. Could he ask Renjun to cut it again? Did he trust the furious Chinese man with something sharp that close to his eyes?

For a while it was quiet between the two friends while Jeno continued to stuff his face with the cafeteria food. He didn’t have much time before he had to go to his shift at a little record store not far from his dorm building. It wasn’t paying the best but the owner of the shop and no issues with him doing his readings there when no customers were around. “You know that we miss you, Jeno. Right?” Donghyuck cut the silence which made Jeno stop mid bite, “We haven’t done anything with all the boys in forever and I am not counting the times we were at the club while you were working and declining the tips we were trying to give you.” “I don’t need nor want your pity money, Hyuck,” Jeno groaned again and shoved the plate with his food away. His appetite had left him. Donghyuck and him had this conversation every other week always with the same outcome: Donghyuck explaining how he was worried about him and Jeno telling him that he was fine (which he most likely wasn’t but he managed). “I’m sorry I haven’t been able to make it to our meets ups, I really am,” Jeno tried to explain and Donghyuck’s eyes immediately went soft, “I just- I’m behind on my tuition again and haven’t paid the lease for the dorms for the last moth yet. I really need to take every minute and hour of overtime I can get and my grades aren’t getting any better either. This will all be for nothing if I fail my anatomy class again.” “Jeno,” Donghyuck tried again, “You can’t keep on like this for another three years.” “I have to Hyuck,” Jeno sighed, slouching back into his chair, “I have to.” His body had been screaming at him to stop whatever he was doing for weeks now and to be completely honest, he was aching for a full eight hours of sleep and not the usual four that were just disconnected naps throughout his day.

“I’m going to make a suggestion and I need you to promise me to not be mad at me, alright,” Donghyuck suddenly said, holding out his pinky finger. “Hyuck, I won’t take money from any of you. I don’t want Chenle to pay for my lease again. That was a one-time thing and I told him that I would pay him back,” Jeno immediately argued, shame running through him. He hated constantly being treated to meals and the thought that he had a debt with his younger friend even though the Chinese had told Jeno hundreds of times that he didn’t need to money back. “That’s not what I wanted to suggest. Now promise.” Jeno rolled his eyes before interlocking his pinky with one of his arguably best friends. “Actually this isn’t my idea. But Jaemin and Renjun brought it up last Friday at our movie night.” That alone made Jeno feel bad again. While his friends had been all cuddled up in Chenle’s apartment to watch some movies and eat popcorn while drinking cheap beer, he had been working in a sweaty club with horrible music that made his ears ring. “I’m sorry,” he muttered under his breath but Donghyuck didn’t seem to hear him. “But hear me out: Have you ever thought about becoming a sugar baby?” Jeno lost all control over his facial muscles and was pretty sure his brain had just short circuited, his open mouth free real estate for the fruit flies that were all over the cafeteria. “No, no, think about it Jeno,” Donghyuck immediately argued, “I did my research and you can get a monthly allowance for at least a thousand dollar if not more. You’d be able to quit that job at the shady bar.” “Hyuck,” Jeno cut in when his brain had successfully rebooted, “In case you haven’t noticed in all the years we’ve been friends: I’m not gay.” “So what?” “What do you mean so what? I’m not going to prostitute myself for some old man just because I need money,” Jeno hissed between his teeth. “Oh my god Jeno,” Donghyuck sighed, “You’re so 2010. There are plenty of wealthy woman out there looking for some arm candy to pass their time.” “You’re insane Donghyuck.” “Insanely brilliant that is,” his friend grinned, “This is literally the perfect solution for all your problems.” “How is fucking some old hag going to solve any of my problems?” “Oh come on, Jeno,” Donghyuck groaned, “There are plenty of sites that let you choose your preferred partner for this kind of arrangement. And don’t even try to deny that you’re into older girls.” At that Jeno flushed a deep red color. His preference about his partners was basically an open secret in their group of friends that he had confessed after a drunken round of truth or dare some time in highschool when Renjun had asked him why he had rejected the confession of a cute girl a year below them to keep crushing on the substitute teacher they had. Chenle had not let this thing die until Jeno had started to date a girl from Mark’s class and even then the boy had made some cruel comments about their age difference. “Here, Renjun found a site that seems very legit,” Donghyuck brought him back from his memories, scribbling down a link on a piece of paper, “Please just check it out.” “That’s a lot of promises I have to give today,” Jeno mused but took the paper to put it into his pocket. “We’re just trying to look out for you Jeno.” “I know,” he sighed, “And I appreciate that.” “You’re running thin Jeno.” “I know Hyuck!” He said, making his friend flinch at his outburst, “I fucking know, okay. I’m sorry I am making you all worry with how terrible my life currently is. It’s not like I am happy about it but you could really stop bitching about it.” Just when Donghyuck opened his mouth to reply something, Jeno’s eyes shot to the big clock on the wall. “Safe it Hyuck, I need to go to my shift.” With that he got up to hoist his bag that was barely holding together onto his shoulder and basically fled the cafeteria. Donghyuck could bring back his plate, that was the least he could do.  

Once outside, the student quickly plugged in his earphones into his phone and played his favorite playlist on his way to the record store, inwardly scolding himself for being so proud and not leeching off of Jaemin’s spotify anymore when what felt like the third ad in ten minutes interrupted his vibing. At the record store, he quickly unlocked the front door and put on a random record to play over the speakers before he got situated behind the counter to try to revise his notes from today that were unreadable at best. He had fallen asleep at least twice in his morning class and had to be shaken awake by one of his classmates once the lecture was over. Great. So self-study it was.

Over the course of his shift, he was only interrupted twice from reading the chapter in the book that he was pretty sure he should have brought back to the library last week. But since he really didn’t have any money to spare for the fine, he had decided to keep it a little longer until he was at a financially better place which was nowhere near in close sight now that he was fired from his job at said library. Which brought him back to what Donghyuck had said to him. But him becoming a sugar baby? Jeno really couldn’t think of himself in such a position. Sure, he wasn’t bad looking but when he thought of the word sugar baby he thought of beautiful and petite boys like Renjun or maybe even Jaemin but him? Even though he had lost quite some muscle mass since this shitshow had begun, he was still built quiet broad and had more of a masculine, handsome feel than sweet and beautiful. And wasn’t that was sugar mommies would look for? If they wanted a man, they wouldn’t search for a someone younger. Jeno sighed loudly and let his head hit his book. This was a hopeless situation.

But he guessed having a look at the site wouldn’t hurt and so Jeno ended up typing in the address of the sugar baby site into the computer at work, praying the owner didn’t know how to check which sites he had opened once he’d delete the browser history. The site itself looked clean, mainly consisting of muted pastel colors and black font and accents. If you weren’t signed in, you didn’t get much information on what exactly was going on but the site claimed that keeping their clients data safe was their main concern since very influential people were using their site. Jeno completely blamed Donghyuck and the two redbulls he had already had for clicking on the pastel blue ‘sign up’ button. He then had to fill out basic data about himself: His gender, age, profession and interests along with his sexual orientation. He hesitated for a second when the site asked if he was okay to be partnered with someone of the same sex for a strictly platonic relationship but denied it in the end. Next he was asked to choose a nickname to chat with potential benefactors as the site called the sugar mommies and daddies. Was this where he should choose something cute to attract people to his profile? Whacking his brain for any cute plays on his actual name, he came up with exactly nothing other than the No-Jam nickname he had earned in highschool which really wasn’t cute at all. The only other thing that came to mind was when Jaemin jokingly called himself Nana and Jeno Nono in that god-awful aegyo voice which never failed to make Jeno cringe. Why did he have to choose a nickname anyways? It was to protect the benefactors; he really didn’t have anything else to lose than his dignity. Sighing, Jeno quickly typed in: ‘Jenonono’ as his nickname, only cringing slightly when choosing a password and entering his email address to confirm everything. Once he had activated his account with the link he was sent, Jeno only had to choose a couple of pictures for his profile to complete it. Well this was a problem. Jeno couldn’t even remember the last time he took a selfie where he wasn’t looking like death on two legs to send them to his friends. He quickly scrolled through his camera roll in search for at least one decently attractive photo. He only stopped scrolling when he found photos from almost a year ago before he had changed his field of study and had the fall-out with his parents. His hair was bleached a bright blonde color and the sides were shaved but he was looking good, more toned than he was now and like he actually slept at night. Not even close to how he was looking right now but it was still him, so did this count as catfishing? He quickly chose two photos with his blonde hair styled up and one with his natural haircolor from before he and Jaemin had the great idea to bleach each other’s hair and send them to himself via mail so he could upload them onto the website.

When Jeno pressed the ‘complete’ button, the site showed him on overview of what his profile would look like and it wasn’t even half bad if he did say so himself. He still felt a little uneasy about the whole thing and the fact that he was basically catfishing people into thinking he still looked so bulky and put together like he had looked last year didn’t help. “Come on Jeno, you have nothing to lose,” he grumbled and pressed the ‘confirm’ button one last time. His profile disappeared and the site instead showed Jeno their actual layout for the matching. Unlike other dating sites, he couldn’t swipe through potential benefactors himself; he had to wait until someone actually message him. Great. So he had to hope that his pictures and his honestly not great profile would lure someone in who was at least mildly attractive. Maybe no one would ever contact him and he could just throw it back into Donghyuck’s face how this had been a shitty idea to begin with. Sighing, he closed the site for now and deleted the browser history just to be safe as well.

The rest of his shift went by in a blur of trying to make sense of his scribbly notes and whatever the authors of the book he was reading were trying to teach him about the anatomy of different species and Jeno didn’t even think twice about the site he had signed up for when he closed down the shop and went home to his shitty dorm. The short trip to the convenience store only made him more aware of how poor he was when he had to choose between an actual meal and food for the cat he had recently (very much illegally) saved from the streets and taken in. He’d be more than damned if the kitten he had named Bongsik would have to suffer, so it would be a delicious meal for her and more instant ramen for Jeno.

Back at his dorm room - a single one that could barely fit his bed, wardrobe and desk - the little cat immediately rubbed its tiny head against his pant leg and Jeno couldn’t help but smile and bend down to pet the little creature. He felt a little bit of tension immediately seep from his tired muscles and indulged the kitten in a little cuddle session until he felt his eyes starting to itch. His allergies be damned! Sighing the boy got up to actually shed his jacket and shoes and opened the fresh can of delicious cat food for Bongsik who immediately devoured it. If she thought it was delicious, would it taste good for Jeno as well? Chuckling he turned back to prepare his own food, all this instant ramen might have started to take a toll on his psyche. He ate his meal in silence before throwing both containers in the trash. Jeno knew he had to work on his essay for one of his classes but for a moment he just felt the need to relax for a bit, especially now that he didn’t have to rush over to his job at the library. Taking out his phone, he quickly replied to the group chat of his friends where they were animatedly planning a trip to the cinema on Friday which Jeno had to decline. Not only did he have a shift at the bar but he also didn’t really have the money for it. Sighing he locked his phone again. Well that went great, now he was stressed again. “Bongsik you love me right?” He asked and turned towards his cat again who was lounging next to him on the floor, her belly full with delicious food. Oh to be a cat...

Jeno sighed again when his cat of course didn’t answer. He really was going insane. But it was going to be worth it, he reminded himself again. Once this was all over he would be a vet and able to help all kinds of animals. He would make good money and could pay off his tuition slowly and maybe a couple of years later he could even have his own medical practice. But to have all that, he really needed to up his grades. Especially this godawful anatomy grade. Groaning Jeno got up from the floor to plop down on his desk and start his laptop that made an awful lot of noise while booting up. Knowing that it took the device a good two minutes give or take to completely be ready, he started to go through his notes again before typing them into the document where he compiled all his notes just to have them all nice and neat in one place.

By some ungodly hour in the morning, Jeno’s eyes started to close more and more often on their own accord and the letters on the screen started to blur together despite wearing his glasses. “We should probably call it a night, Bongsik,” he spoke into the silent room, his cat already fast asleep at the foot of his bed. Fondly smiling at her, he saved his progress on both his notes and his essay and shut down his laptop. Jeno didn’t really dare to look at the time, so he just quickly grabbed his stuff for the bathroom and got himself ready for bed in the vacant bathroom he shared with a couple of other students. But at this time it was almost guaranteed to be empty.

Once back in his dorm, Jeno quickly climbed under the covers and plugged his phone in to make sure his alarm would actually go off in about 4 hours. Even though he was dead tired now that his body was surrounded by the warmth of his bed, a notification caught his attention. Leeching off of the free wifi at the record store, he had downloaded the app that came with the sugar baby site praying it would work on his outdated phone which it luckily did. Maybe the programmers had actually thought about broke students with shitty phones just like him for once. Taking a deep breath, Jeno clicked on the notification that had told him that a potential benefactor wanted to text him. Well that was quick. A lot quicker than he had anticipated. When the app had finally loaded with the shitty wifi he definitely not stole from his dorm neighbor (he had set his password as 1234, he was begging to have it stolen), a profile of a woman showed up. She smiled warmly in the picture she had chosen and it seemed to be taken at some tropical place judging by the palm trees in the background. Jeno quickly skimmed through the rest of her profile that only said that she wasn’t that much older than him. Well she was but not to the extent where she could have been his mother - ew. As her job she just had just listed estate agent. Did that pay well? Jeno didn’t know. His thumb hovered over the pastel button that said ‘accept’. If he would press this, this wasn’t just a ‘I’ll take a look at this app for Donghyuck’s sake’ then he was actually invested. But even if he accepted, he was not entitled to the woman. He could still say no if she turned out to be a creep. Hell, he didn’t even have to meet her ever if he didn’t like chatting with her. Before his courage could leave him, Jeno quickly accepted the offer and a new page opened that looked just like every other messenger.

To: Jenonono You’re up late.

What a weird way to open up a conversation. But it certainly was better than perverted innuendos or a ‘hi’ like Jaemin was continuously whining over whenever he had reinstalled tinder. But what was he supposed to reply? Should he try to act cute and coy? Was that what she would be looking for? But before he could even type anything, she had sent another message.

To: Jenonono You don’t seem like the typical boy you find on here.

What was that supposed to mean?

From: Jenonono I’m not? what are those like then?

To: Jenonono They’re not as handsome as you.

At that Jeno flushed a deep red color. He wasn’t used to such blatant flirting.

To: Jenonono I really like the blonde on you but the darker color is cute as well.

From: Jenonono it’s dark right now

As soon as he hit send, Jeno wanted to hit himself. What was she supposed to answer to that message? God he was such an idiot.

To: Jenonono Cute. Are you nervous?

From: Jenonono I have never done this before and didn’t think someone would message someone like me

To: Jenonono I haven’t been doing this for long either. And what do you mean by ‘someone like me’?

From: Jenonono you said yourself that I’m not the typical boy you would find on here...

To: Jenonono Well occasionally there is a diamond between all the rocks.

Jeno wasn’t sure if this was even an actual saying but it made him feel warm nevertheless.

From: Jenonono you’re pretty forward with your flirting

To: Jenonono Am I making you shy, baby?

As if to prove her point, Jeno almost choked on his own saliva, coughing loudly which ultimately woke up Bongsik who threw him a very much not amused gaze. He hadn’t known that just reading the word baby would have such an effect on him. A voice in the back of his head that sounded a little too much like Donghyuck called him a ‘bottom bitch’. Biting his lip he contemplated whether he should flirt back. Up until now it was fun talking to her. And he still had nothing to lose.

From: Jenonono What if I maybe blushed just the smallest bit?

To: Jenonono You’re so cute. I’m glad I found you. But you should go sleep, baby. It’s late already.

From: Jenonono shouldn’t you be asleep as well then?

To: Jenonono I just came back from a long flight and my bed seems a little lonely.

Was this his chance to get a little flirtatious himself? Was she testing him?

From: Jenonono would you want me there with you? so it’s not as lonely?

To: Jenonono That does sound very tempting, baby boy. Let me take you out for a meal before I take you to bed.

Jeno’s breath caught in his throat for a little before he broke out in little giggles. He had completely forgotten how good it felt to feel wanted between all the stress that his life currently was. Maybe but just maybe Donghyuck had been right and this truly could be the solution for many of his problems.

From: Jenonono is that an invitation?

To: Jenonono How does lunch tomorrow sound like baby? I’ll treat you to something delicious.

Gnawing at his thumb, Jeno read the message over and over. He didn’t even know the woman. Meeting up with her might be a risk. For all he knew she could be a serial killer.

To: Jenonono I know this is sudden. But I want to get to know you better. Face to face. Not just over a stupid text box.

Taking a deep breath, Jeno took all his courage and replied with shaking fingers.

From: Jenonono I have a little break between my last class of the day and before I have to go to my part time job.

To: Jenonono There is a cute little bistro not too far from where I remember the main dorm buildings were. [link attached]

Clicking on the link, a website opened and showed him a French-style bistro that judging by the address was right between his dorm and the record shop. He should be able to do it. Curiously he clicked on the menu and immediately regretted it. The prices were ridiculous. For the price of a simple piece of bread, he could easily feed Bongsik and himself for two days.

From: Jenonono isn’t this a little too much?

To: Jenonono Let me spoil you, baby. Just tell me the time and I’ll make sure that I can be there.

From: Jenonono would around one work for you?

To: Jenonono I’ll be there. I’m looking forward to meeting you. Now sleep tight and have sweet dreams, baby.

From: Jenonono maybe I’ll even dream of you

Screaming into his pillow, Jeno threw his phone away. He couldn’t believe that he just send that. Quickly grabbing his kitten, he pressed his face into her soft fur while she struggled in his hold. “Bongsik I have a date,” he whispered, “An actual date. With a potentially very rich woman. I can’t believe I actually did that.”

[gamerwoo]

[Tales from the Pack] Hansol: Fire and Ice (Part Ten)

Characters: Hansol x female reader

Genre/warnings: werewolf au, fantasy, fluff (finally lmao), more mentions of depression n stuff, hansol’s super sweet but we been knew

Word count: 1,583

Summary: You’ve always been one to let your emotions get the best of you – your power reflects that – and you’ve never been good at expressing them. That’s why you always thought you’d be awful with a mate, but you never thought things would be this awful.

a/n: things in bold are in english. BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY: i’m minimizing updates. i have online stuff i gotta do for work, and between trying to do that while also trying to write parts for josh (since he’s next and i don’t have any pre-written parts like with the other parts), AND trying to go through the entirety of the series to take notes on things that i think are important, i definitely feel like i need to slow updating so i can try to catch up with josh’s parts so i’ll be able to post somewhat consistently when his series starts. so i’ll be updating once a week now, probably on mondays. i’m sorry i can’t post every single day anymore but this will definitely help me spread out everything i need to get done so i’m not trying to do everything at once in one night. 

Previous | Next | Fire and Ice Masterlist

Hansol was surprised to wake up to a warmth beside him. He rubbed his eyes and turned his head, seeing a lump curled up under the blanket. Your face was concealed by the bedding, your entire body engulfed in the fabric that was still charred in some spots.

Smiling to himself, Hansol smoothly got out of bed, careful as to not wake you. While the movement of the bed did have you rolling over, you went right back to sleep. So he opened the door silently and wandered down the stairs to grab some breakfast for you. He wasn’t sure if you’d want to talk at all despite everything that happened last night – rather, especially after everything that happened – but he still had to make sure you ate something. He didn’t know when you last ate, and he assumed the lack of hunger was due to your depression.

“Morning,” Seungcheol nodded as Hansol entered the kitchen.

“Morning, Cheol,” he yawned, stretching his arms high above his head.

Mingyu, who was sitting at the table, pointed over to the stove, “We left extras for _____.”

“How is she?” Danbi wondered from where she sat in her mate’s lap.

“She’s sleeping,” Hansol reported plainly, grabbing the remaining food from the stove for him and you – mostly for you, though, since you needed it more than him. “I’m sorry that you all got woken up last night.”

“Don’t apologize,” Seungcheol told him, “it’s nobody’s fault. Besides, the screaming was worse, even if Seungkwan did muffle it.”

Hansol’s brows furrowed, “What was Eunjin screaming for?”

“She claims Jiung was around,” Mingyu shrugged. “Maybe he visited her last night or something.”

“Does that mean she’s done treating you poorly?” Soonyoung quizzed, sipping his mug of tea.

“Give her a break, Soon, she’s depressed,” Seungcheol scolded, whacking the younger alpha in the arm.

“Yeah, but it doesn’t mean she can push everybody away and walk all over them,” Soonyoung pointed out. “I’m not trying to be mean, I’m just saying–”

“Her twin brother was murdered and she thought it was all because of her mate – who is now the only person she has a true connection to in this world – and after all of it, she was still expected to be an alpha,” Danbi listed off before Hansol could even open his mouth to explain. “After that, she found out that she didn’t even belong in her own pack anymore, therefore, could not be alpha. No, her being rude shouldn’t just be allowed because she had a hard time, but maybe you should also understand why she’s acting the way she is. However, I also don’t think she’ll care if you like her or not; it’s Hansol’s forgiveness that matters.”

Soonyoung stared at Danbi silently before nodding and staring at the table.

“Thanks,” Hansol said quietly, giving the older girl a small but grateful smile. “You are right, she shouldn’t have done a lot of the things she did. But…I personally forgive her, and I want to understand why she did it.”

“If there’s anything we can do to help, just let us know,” Seungcheol said with a small smile.

Hansol went back upstairs, carrying the plate of food in his hands. When he opened the door, he saw you were still fast asleep, just a ball under the blankets. He chuckled softly, setting the plate on the nightstand before he crouched down by the bed and gently shook the lump that was you.

“_____,” his voice was soft, gently pulling you from your slumber, “it’s time to wake up. I brought breakfast.”

But you weren’t hungry. You hadn’t been ever since that night, and you weren’t sure when you’d get your appetite back, so you just grunted at him and pulled the blankets tighter around you.

Hansol frowned, “You have to eat, _____. It’s not healthy to starve like this. I know you’ve been lying about eating when you’re in town.”

You weren’t sure how he knew – mate instincts, probably – but you were a bit grumpy that he called you out on it. Still, you stayed under the blankets as memories of the previous night filled your thoughts. Then your cheeks were burning with embarrassment, and your eyes were filling with tears from both sadness, and the shame of Hansol witnessing everything. You sniffled, squeezing your eyes shut to hold in the tears, but Hansol was already aware of what was happening.

The blankets were pulled back from your face, the cooler air hitting your skin. You opened your glossy eyes to see Hansol looking at you sympathetically, his golden eyes full of concern and love. He wasn’t sure what would be okay with you or what you would find helpful – he didn’t want to touch you in any way and go past your boundaries.

“What can I do to comfort you?” he asked softly.

“I don’t know...” you admitted in a quiet whimper that made you even more embarrassed because it showed you were weak.

Slowly, his hand went to your hair as he gauged your reaction. His palm stroked over your tangled hair, but the gesture was a little soothing.

“Is this okay?” he asked.

You just nodded, averting your eyes.

“Can I try something?” he wondered.

You shrugged, rubbing your eyes to get rid of the tears that still wanted to escape, mumbling, “I guess…”

Hansol pulled the blankets back a little more before he climbed into bed beside you. He sat up with his back against the headboard, wincing a little as he pressed against the wood. Then he pulled you in between his legs, letting you curl up into his chest like you had the previous night. His arms held you gently, and despite his power of ice, they were warm. One large hand continued to stroke your hair as your cheek laid against his chest.

“Is this okay?” he checked, glancing down at you.

Honestly, it felt nice being in his embrace. Obviously, you were still upset, but it actually felt a little better than being alone. Even though you were still uncomfortable showing emotion like this – even around your mate – you like the feeling of being this close to Hansol.

But still, part of you felt indifferent about it, so you moved out of his lap. He let you, keeping his arms rested by his sides while you shifted to sit beside him instead. Your arms were touching, giving you a little bit of that contact your instincts craved, but enough space for your head to be okay with it.

At the last second, your hands grabbed at his closest to you, and you fidgeted with his fingers.

“Do you want to talk about anything?” he offered, quickly adding, “We don’t have to if you’re uncomfortable with it.”

“I just miss him,” you mumbled, your voice breaking toward the end as more tears filled your eyes.

“I know. I wish I could do more for you.”

“‘S’okay…”

“It’s okay for things to not be okay,” he reminded you, tilting his head to look at you. “It’s okay for you to not be okay.”

“Can we not have this conversation?” you asked, a slightly annoyed tone to your voice.

“Of course,” he shrugged, grabbing the plate of food he brought him instead. “You still have to eat, though.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“But you still have to eat.”

“I can’t.”

Hansol let out a sigh, “_____, I know it’s hard because of how you’re feeling, but you have to.”

“What are you eating for breakfast?” you asked with a raised brow, seeing only one plate and one set of utensils.

“Mates eat first,” he countered with a playful smirk, imitating you at lunch the day prior.

“But I’m also a werewolf, so you’re the mate to me,” you stated, folding your arms across your chest.

“But–”

“No. This is a two-way street.”

He let out an exasperated sigh, but scooped up some food on his fork before putting it in his mouth, staring at you as he chewed and swallowed. Then, he got a new forkful and held it up to your mouth, looking at you expectantly.

“I held up my end of the bargain,” he told you.

So, with a quiet groan, you opened your mouth and let him put food in it. His smile was triumphant, showing off his gummy grin that you found both annoying – considering the circumstances – and adorable.

You and Hansol ate quietly, alternating between bites – he’d feed himself and then feed you, continuing with that pattern. It wasn’t until he was scraping the plate with the side of the fork that he spoke again, bringing the last bite to your lips.

“Do you want to talk about last night?” he asked.

You shook your head, closing your mouth around the fork as he slipped the now empty utensil out of your mouth. You were still worrying about if Hansol actually forgave you or not. You felt more than guilty for treating him how you did, so you were trying your best to be closer with him even if it was a little weird for you. But hey, you were trying.

“Not yet,” you said after you had swallowed your food.

‘Yet’ was the keyword, and Hansol noticed that. You would talk about it when you were ready, just not right now. And Hansol was fine with that. He’d wait for you. He always did.

[imagine-that]

Torn

Warnings: mentions of injury/abuse (Umbridge)

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x reader

AN: sorry I’ve been missing for a while!! First few weeks at a job, it gets kinda hectic lol. But I’ll try to write more as often as I can!!!

You walk nervously down the hall towards the office of the woman you loathed so much. Much to your dismay, you had to spend the evening in her vomit inducing office, writing lines.

Of course you weren’t stupid. You’d heard all about what writing lines actually entailed with the wench. You just never thought you’d be one of the students being forced to do them.

Though they didn’t particularly like your relationship, the Weasley twins had found out about your upcoming detention and they’d apparated to your side, scaring you half to death while they were at it.

“You two are relentless. She’ll catch you doing that someday you know!” You scold, giving them a stern and concerned look.

“And what? Make us write more lines? It barely hurts anymore for us.” They argue.

You suck in a breath at the mention of pain.

“You’ll be fine y/n. It doesn’t hurt nearly as bad as people say it does. And when it’s done, the pain mulls over quickly.” One of them assures you. You nod absentmindedly, knowing you’ve probably gone completely pale in the face.

You’d never thought you would have to do this horrid punishment. Sure you misbehaved sometimes and used magic when you knew Umbridge would yell but that wasn’t even the reason you were there to begin with.

The night before, filch had found you and your boyfriend Draco sneaking off, snogging each other. Of course being the kissup he was, Filch ran directly to Umbridge, shouting “students out of bed.” On repeat as he went. She came with that sickly sweet smile and, basically completely ignoring Draco’s presence, she’d given you detention for tonight.

“This form of punishment is completely barbaric. I’ve heard several professors say so as well.” You mutter, a frown etched on your face.

“We know.” The twins chorused.

You laugh faintly, their talking in unison all the time cheering you up a bit. Finally you hear the disgustingly familiar ahem and turn to her office door to see her gesturing you in.

The twins squeeze your hands and tell you it’ll be ok as you get to your feet, slowly making your way into her office.

“Sit.” She orders as she walks around her desk.

You resist the urge to roll your eyes and take a seat, biting your tongue to keep back any nasty comments you have.

“You will be writing lines for me today.” She hums, the smile you’d like to slap off of her perfectly in place.

“And what will I be writing today professor?” You ask with a raised eyebrow.

“I would like you to write I will act like a lady. Just enough times for it to sink in.” She instructs, giggling to herself.

You scoff, looking to her with anger and frustration. “Professor, that seems a tad bit sexist, does it not?” You ask.

“I did not give you permission to speak miss y/l/n. Now please do your punishment. It’s good for you to learn.” She says.

You sigh, picking up her stupid special quill and beginning to write, wincing as the words etch into your hand. At first it isn’t so bad, only breaking through the surface. But as you continue to write over the course of the next hour, you resist the urge to cry out in pain.

Every nerve in your hand is begging you to stop, the burning irritation making tears start in your eyes but you quickly hold them in, refusing to let this foul woman see that she’s gotten to you.

Finally, she tells you to stop, letting you put down the quill as your hand throbs, the surface of the scar a vibrant red.

“That should be enough for today. I do hope I don’t have to see you in here again miss y/l/n.” She warns.

“Yes Professor, lets hope.” You mutter, walking through the door and giving a sad smile to one of the nervous looking third years sitting outside her office and waiting to be summoned.

“Don’t be afraid. It’s over before you know it.” You promise him in a whisper, walking away before Umbridge has the chance to try and discipline you again.

You see Draco leaning against a wall, watching you but you ignore him, quickly brushing past and walking in the direction of your common room.

“Y/n!” He calls after you, running to catch up with you.

You continue to ignore him, getting onto one of the staircases as it starts moving.

“Darling what’s wrong?” He calls, finally catching up to you as he runs up the staircase.

You scoff at him, tears in your eyes. “What’s wrong? What’s wrong you ask!? Of course, you wouldn’t know. Why don’t you just go back to the inquisitorial squad, I’m sure they need you to help catch people breaking the rules.” You say through your tears, staying facing away from him.

“Y/n, what’re you so upset about?” He asks, reaching out to hold your hand. You yank it away, instead holding it up for him to see the scarring.

“Blimey, what is that?” He asks, grabbing your hand to examine it.

“That is what you and your bloody gang are sentencing people to.” You growl.

“Y/n- I had no idea.” He says softly. “But those people are breaking school rules! They must be punished.” He adds.

You stare at him with wide, hurt eyes. “Do you even hear yourself anymore?! The Draco I know and love would never put anyone through this.” You say, your bottom lip trembling at this point.

When he doesn’t speak, you decide you should. “Was I breaking some kind of rule for kissing my bloody boyfriend? Did I deserve for this to happen then?” You ask, looking over at him pleadingly.

“No, of course not love. You could never deserve anything like this!” He exclaims, holding your hand carefully in his.

“Then neither does everyone else.” You sigh, tugging your hand away and walking up the stairs, going to your common room and straight to bed.

——————————————————————

The next morning, you wake up with a sigh, glaring down at the words on your hand until you will yourself to get up.

Your roommates had already gone down for breakfast but you, having had a lousy evening the day before, had opted to stay in bed for a little longer and eat quickly.

You’d felt torn and distressed all evening. You loved draco with all your heart but the idea of him condoning such actions as those of professor Umbridge felt like a betrayal to you. You didn’t know what you could do, thus the stress resulted in a rather fitful sleep

Once you got dressed, you finally made your way to the dining room and ate a rather small meal, your appetite having disappeared.

“Y/n, wait up!” One of the Weasley twins shouts, trailing after you down the hall.

“Hey George, what do you need?” You ask, recognizing him as he approaches.

“I was meaning to give this to you. It’ll help with the scarring.” He explains, putting a small purple container in your hand.

“Wow, thanks. Where’d you get it?” You ask, worrying about if you ever had to do the lines again.

“Fred and I came up with it. Mostly me of course, I am the brains of the operation.” He says and a smug smile, making you laugh.

“Of course. Well it’s brilliant, thank you.” You reply with a smile of your own. He nods, quickly walking back to his brother to cause more mischief no doubt.

“So, I piss you off once and now you’re off snogging Weaselbee?” A voice says from behind, startling you enough to turn around.

“Draco, I was not snogging him, don’t be so daft and jealous.” You groan, giving him a knowing look.

“Sure looked like it to me.” He mutters with a shrug.

You sigh, looking back over at him. “It’s you I love you ninny. Even if you’re being a complete arse.” You promise, a frown still on your face.

He avoids your gaze, looking guilty. “I’m sorry about what I said last night. I didn’t mean it, honestly!” He apologizes, looking at you sadly.

“Draco, I can’t be with someone who would defend something like that.” You start, your heart aching at the idea of breaking up with him.

“I know you can’t.” He interrupts. You look over at him in shock, thinking this was what he wanted.

“That’s why I marched into Umbridge’s office this morning and quit the inquisitorial squad.” He adds, making you somewhat surprised. You never thought he’d quit something that his father put him up to like that. It was intriguing.

“Sure you did.” You mutter sarcastically, not fully believing him.

“I did. Do you see the badge anywhere here?” He asks, spinning in a slow circle to show you. Sure enough, the badge is no where to be found on him.

You blink, unsure what to say.

“Y/n?” He says a moment later, a gentle hand on your arm and his face etched with concern.

“I’m just- what about your parents?” You ask worriedly. He gives you a soft smile, pulling you into his chest.

“I will deal with their wrath, don’t fret baby.” He says, placing a kiss on your head.

“I promise I’ll be there with you every second of the conversation-.” You start promising, but his bitter chuckling stops you.

“You shouldn’t be there for that y/n. Merlin only knows what would happen.” He sighs.

“Which is exactly why I should be there Draco.” You groan, pouting your lips up at him. He shakes his head, sighing a bit more.

“Who cares what they think anyway? It’s our choice not theirs.” He complains and you nod firmly in agreement.

You wrap your arms around his torso, squeezing him for dear life.

“You’re too good to me.” You murmur into his chest.

He takes a second to hug back, his shock at the sudden show of affection evident in the way his body tenses up.

As he relaxes into your touch, a faint smile comes to his lips. “And you’re too good for me darling.” He whispers, his face one of sadness and regret.

The two of you stand like that, in each other’s embrace, for what feels like an eternity, caring far too much for each other to ever truly let go.

[ur-jinji]

wallflowers: part two

zuko x reader modern au

warning: sokka throws up a lot. sokka always ends up throwing up in my fics

summary: after a night at a party with the gaang and meeting zuko, you join them for breakfast and find time alone with him

a/n: i had no intention of writing a sequel & left part one off with a little bit of cliffhanger just for the fun of it but i got like two comments asking for a part two and i was like damn i feel like i owe it to yall for ending it like that,, so here you go :) i don’t really know how to feel about it

Unknown: hey :) it’s zuko

Your eyes widened at your phone in surprised.

‘He actually texted me,’ You thought to yourself in awe.

“What are you smiling about?” Katara questioned from the drivers seat of the car. She raised an eyebrow and a very smug smirk was wiped across her face.

“Uh, nothing,” You lied before turning back to your phone. You stared at the message for a moment, your fingers stuck. Why were you so nervous to text him back?

You: hey :) how’s the party?

Zuko: really boring now that you’re gone :( aang and i just went up to the guest room for bed. everyone started to leave

You smiled softly.

You: you’re so sweet!!

Zuko: i heard we might go to breakfast tomorrow. will you be there?

“We’re going to breakfast?” You asked Katara.

“Yeah, once they all rise from the dead. Sokka and Suki will probably be the ones most screwed up tomorrow,” She replied, causing you to laugh and nod in agreement.

You: yeah i’ll be there :)

Zuko: good :) see you then

You put your phone back into your pocket and could not stop smiling. Butterflies were swarming in your stomach. You eventually made it to Suki’s apartment, and you and Katara had to practically drag them inside. Once you tucked them into bed, you made yourself comfy on the couch in the living room. You pulled your phone out of your pocket and saw another text.

Zuko: did you make it to suki’s okay??

You: yes :) thanks for asking. we had to put sokka and suki to bed. i think theyll be out for the rest of the night so no funny business haha

Zuko: just give it a minute

Just a moment after Zuko sent that text, you started to hear a consistent creaking of a mattress coming from the other room

You: oh my god you’re right they’re going at it

You: i don’t even know how lmao they were knocked out a second ago

Zuko: i’ve suffered through many long nights in the same house as them. they always find a way -.-

You: god theyre animals lmfao

You: i’m gonna get some sleep, you should too!!

Zuko: okay, sleep well :)

You: you too :)

You awoke the next morning with a sliver of sunshine from the mostly closed curtains shining brightly directly on your face. It was sometime around noon. You rubbed your eyes tiredly and noticed a sound from the bathroom that sounded like gagging. You were suddenly very thankful you only had one drink the previous night. If it weren’t for Zuko, you probably would’ve had more.

You stood from the couch and followed the noise of gags. The door was wide open and you could see Sokka leant over the toilet. You walked towards him, concerned.

“Hey, buddy. Want me to get you some water?” You offered kindly as you placed a hand on his back, rubbing circles. He looked up at you with a look of disgust on his face and nodded slowly.

“I don’t know how Suki does it. She’s perfectly fine,” He mumbled before burping and leaning back over the toilet. Some vomit came up. Gross.

You made your way to the kitchen where you saw Suki, all readied up, pretty, and ready to go.

“Hey, Y/N! How did you sleep?” She chirped. She handed you a water bottle for Sokka, already knowing.

“I slept good. The couch was very comfy,” Yoh replied with a smile.

“I didn’t mean to get so trashed last night. Did I do anything embarrassing?” Suki asked.

“Nope. Sokka on the other hand...” You responded, gaining a laugh from her. Katara appeared in the kitchen and greeted the two of you. She also looked ready to go. You felt embarrassed that you were the last one up.

“I’ll go get ready real quick!” You told them before speed walking from the kitchen. You bee lined to the bathroom and gave Sokka his water.

“Thanks,” He muttered sickly.

“I’m gonna get ready in here while you puke, mkay?” You told him. He nodded and took a long drink of water. He fell backwards onto the tile floor and stared miserably up at the sealing. You went over to the vanity and rushed to get ready using Suki’s things and an extra toothbrush she left for you. As you ran a brush through your hair, you heard Sokka scramble to get back up and upchuck into the toilet some more. You finished up getting ready and made your way out of the bathroom.

You joined the girls on the couch in the living room and chatted for a while until Sokka was able to hold down his vomit. He appeared in the living room and stared miserably at the three of you.

“Don’t you look pretty,” Katara teased. “Now let’s go. Aang, Toph, and Zuko just got to the diner.”

The four of you made your way out to the car and you somehow got stuck in the back with Sokka. He looked like he was about throw up all over you.

“Suki, I hate you for calling shotgun,” You told her. She turned around from the passenger seat and giggled.

“I’m not about to be thrown up on!” She reasoned.

Sokka grumbled something incoherent and then rested his head on the window, closing his eyes. Maybe if he does throw up, he’ll just do it on the floor? Maybe.

You arrived at the diner without any puke on you and you all made your way inside. Aang waved you over at a large table when he saw the group walk in. Your eyes landed on Zuko, who had already noticed you. He smiled warmly. He was seated at the very end of the table with Toph on the other side of him. You took a seat across from him, and Suki sat beside you. You were grateful Sokka didn’t sit by you.

“Hi, Y/N,” Zuko greeted you from across the table. You greeted him back, adding a grin. You looked over the menu to busy yourself. You felt yourself becoming very nervous again in Zuko’s presence, and feeling his gaze on you didn’t help.

“You’re lucky we’re in public, snoozles. I’m ready to put you into another chokehold,” You heard Toph say, presumably to Sokka, earning laughs from the rest of the group.

The table’s waitress came over and took everyone’s orders and then proceeded to say that it may take longer because the kitchen was super backed up. Your stomach grumbled loudly in response.

“God, I’m so hungry,” You said when she walked away.

“Me too,” Sokka said moodily from the other end of the table.

“I’m surprised you even want to eat!” Katara replied to him.

“Do you think you can wait?” Zuko asked.

“I mean, I have to,” You said with a chuckle, thinking you were stating the obvious.

“I have a granola bar in my car if you want it?” He offered softly to you, nudging your shoe with his.

“Really? I wouldn’t mind having one. I’m literally starving,” You responded, ready to jump out of your seat to get the dang thing.

“Yeah, let’s go,” Zuko said as he got up from his chair. You followed him out of the diner and into the parking lot, making small talk on the way to his car. Once you arrived at the destination, he opened the cardoor and fished a granola bar from his school backpack.

“I always have an emergency snack just in case for...y’know...emergencies,” He explained, his voice sounding anxious. You thanked him and ripped that sucker open. You split it in half and handed a half out to him.

“Please share it with me! I don’t want to spoil my entire appetite on accident,” You begged him.

Zuko grabbed the other half and then leaned against the door, munching on his half. You joined him against the door and looked up at him.

“So, did Sokka and Suki keep you up?” He asked.

“Not really. It was quickie,” You answered with a chuckle.

“You’re lucky. They kept me up for two hours once. It was awful,” He said, breathing out a shaky laugh. His nerves were becoming more and more obvious. “I’m not as bold as I was last night.”

“Well, the nickname liquid courage might explain it,” You joked.

“Wanna go for a walk?” Zuko asked with a hopeful expression. You nodded in response and the two of you began a trek out of the parking walk and down some sidewalk. The two of you spent the time sharing stories about your past and friends. You couldn’t help but notice how every so often, his hand would accidentally brush against your knuckles as you walked, causing a few blushes. You ended up at a large mural on the side of an abandoned bricked building on an empty street. It depicted the city abstractly. You looked up in admiration.

“We don’t have very many murals in my town. Just graffiti of random names,” You said to him. “It’s beautiful.”

You walked up to the mural, and as you got closer to the bricks, you reached out a hand, touching the paint gently, and running your fingers down the bricks. Zuko copied you, and his hand accidentally got a little too close to yours. His index finger lightly grazed your pinky. You both froze for a moment, taking in the rush that the contact gave. Zuko turned to you with a soft expression, which you returned.

“We should probably head back. Our food might be ready,” You said, nerves taking over you. You pulled your hand away from the bricks.

“Wait,” Zuko told you hurriedly. “I’ll regret not doing this.”

Before you could ask him what he meant, his hands found their way under your cheekbones. Zuko leaned forward and his eyes fluttered shut. His lips touched yours, causing a rush to race throughout your body. You immediately kissed him back, feeling like you’ve been deprived of his touch all your life. His lips moved quickly against yours like it was urgent. You opened your mouth slightly, welcoming his tongue, which seemed more than happy to enter. You eventually pulled away to catch your breath, both of you panting heavily. Zuko smirked and then leaned in for one more quick kiss, then another, then another, then another, pulling away for a second inbetween each one.

“I’m sorry. I’ve been wanting to do that since last night, but didn’t want to give you the wrong idea. I just really like you,” Zuko explained through his deep breaths. You grinned and pulled him back in for more to tell him you felt the same way. You eventually separated again, and you shared a smile with him.

“I like you too, Zuko. You replied, caressing his cheek, smiling and breathing out one final deep breath. “Let’s head back before our food gets cold.”

Zuko nodded with a small opened mouth smile. The two of you began your walk back, and he surprised you again by taking your hand in his, entwining your fingers.

As you walked back, you couldn’t help but think about transferring colleges.

-

taglist: @complainsalot @teelagurl558 @coldlilheart

[oh-for-fic-sake]

A Witchers Pack Final

The time has come and the pups arrive but will everything be alright in the end for the unconventional family of witcher's

Masterlist

Warnings:Angst, Birth, Near death or a child, Swearing, Fluff

A/n: Oh My God...so I am very happy with this and this story is now complete! Yay! I hope you like it, I enjoyed writing it and want to thank @havenoffandoms for helping me come up with this, without them this would never have been written xxx

Taglist: @ayamenimthiriel @chynagirl13 ​ @iloveyouyen

A Witchers Pack Final

You rocked slowly in front of the fire place in your and Geralt's room, one hand roamed your protruding bump. The rocking chair that had been found in the old nursery has been a god send ever since you couldn't get up from the bed, you'd been sleeping in it. You sighed it had been one hell of a night and you almost cried in relief as the sun began to peak over the mountains, long sleepless nights with only the fire for company were dreadfully boring and becoming painful, you hadn't gotten any sleep again you just pasted the time and rocked slowly pushing of the floor with your toes. You heard Jaskiers soft snores from the bed, he always stayed in here with you whilst Geralt was away on contracts. He would be back at some point today with Lambert and Eskel, they were meant to be back a few days ago wanting to be back for the birth. The birth you knew was close, it had to be if it wasn't you don't know how you was going to get them out, with the size you were it was becoming a real worry, sighing the shook the thoughts away. You turned your head and peeked threw the bars of the crib holding Rebbeka, she was sleeping soundly still clutching her rabbit that seemed to go everywhere she went at fifteen months she was already a stubborn little girl headstrong...She had everyone wrapped around her little finger and the little bugger knew it. She was a beauty her eyes had not changed one bit, still had calm light blue irises that were wide and attentive, her hair was a little lighter now longer to resting in thick loose curly waves at her shoulders soon you would be able to pull it back into pigtails.

She was still small but she didn't let that stop her. She was a perfect combination of her father and papa ,she explored with no fear getting into all sorts of mischief, becoming an early walker just to try and unsheath one of the knifes hidden in Geralt’s boot!. No one knew how she spotted it but that was just her all over she was curious to curious and a determined little madam everyone needed eyes on the back of their head when she was toddling about. But she also knew who to run to when things got a little to hairy...And no it wasn't always Geralt when he would catch her doing something naughty and scold her, she would always stop and look around and you can guarantee if Vesemir was near by she would drop to the floor and crawl as fast as she possibley could to her grandpa reaching for him whilst throwing Geralt cautious looks over her shoulder. It was quite comical watching her tuck her self into Vesemir babbling at him, clearly trying to get her father in trouble. If Vesemir wasn't around she would just give the great white wolf the run around... Then there was the time she climbed the stairs for the first time, he all but died when he found her precariously balanced half way up the stone stairs to your room playing with her snuggles. He could never keep a stern face for long always cracking when she would give him a cheesy smile and giggle at him reaching for a cuddle.

You smiled to yourself rubbing your tummy in long circular strokes trying to ease the tension, this pregnancy had been tougher and easier for different reasons. It was tougher longer much longer than with Rebbeka you was sitting on a full eleven months now, just over. It was concerning the others but you reasoned that if they had any mutations they might take a little longer to arrive ,as long as they were healthy you didn't care. Moving around was much harder this time as your stomach was huge and you had a much larger appetite e you couldn't move or sleep or do anything really. But then through all that you was thankful you wasn't on the road, you definitely wouldn't have been able to manage it. And thank the gods you didn't have much to do here either, you mostly walked around the keep spending time with Jaskier and Vesemir while the others were out on contracts. The man enjoyed having new people to share his stories with and you was thankful for them, not only did you learn about various monsters and such it also helped calm you down, took your mind off of things when you became irritable. This time around you had succumb to nesting, fidgeting and tweaking the cribs positions,tidying up and cleaning sorting through everything you had all gathered together for the children, most of the clothes and toys came from Lambert and Eskel. Who both had money on the gender, Lambert was certain you were having girls ,Eskel boys which helped in a way because you had a dresser of clothes for each. Vesemir had quietly began writing his more... Age appropriate stories in a journal he found for you,Jaskier and Geralt to read to them as they grew. Much to the younger Witchers horror many of the stories included tales of them as boys and first encounters with monsters making you and Jaskier cry with tears of laughter at the messes they got into... More so Geralt and Eskel. Jaskier may or may not have composed a few songs from the stories to use as lullabies for the pups.

The three of you had decided that the arrangement would stay the same for the new additions, Jaskier would be their papa and Geralt their father which had been a big weight off your shoulders. You huffed rocking faster closing your eyes wincing as your back ached still. But the aches wasn't as bad as the pains not only of your stomach stretching to house the pups but they were strong. To strong. The kicks and punches were definitely something to do with Geralt's witcher blood, they had to be Rebbeka was never this strong, more often then not you had been made bed bound by the shear force of a kick to the ribs, or bladder the bruises seeping through to your stomach clear as day or they would wind you to the point of nearly passing out  and in the worst cases you would end up spitting blood which worried everyone. They all agreed that the new pups have indeed inherited there fathers more peculiar genes and everyone had pushed you to take it easy, one wrong move and one of the children could really hurt you. it was one thing to be hit by a witchers strength from outside where your bones and muscles are some form of protection...But they were inside and there was nothing softening the blows.

You winced getting up as Rebbeka whined her large blues staring at you through the bars of her crib. slowly you waddled over to her grunting as you pulled her up making your way over to the changing table making quick work of her nappy then set her on the bed to wake Jaskier. She giggled scrambling up the cover sitting on his tummy

"pap..pap!" she bounced on him calling him making him groan as she jumped giggling squeezing the air out of him. quickly he moved holding on of her arms making sure she wouldn't fall and laughed at the bright child.

"Yes yes I'm up....I'm up" he huffed looking around the room spotting you

"You look like hell...no sleep again?" you pouted sitting on the bed by his feet shrugging Rebbeka giggled as Jaskier tickled her a little making her pull at his fingers making him chuckle.

"I'm used to it...can you help me down with her...I cant stay up here much longer" he smiled nodding rolling Rebbeka over onto the bed and covered her with the blanket as he rose making the pup giggle and try to wrestle her way out throwing his legs over the bed pulling on some clothes then quickly pulled the blanket from the squirming child

"boo!" she screamed then laughed as he made her jump then picked her up helping you down the steep stairs with Rebbeka on his hip making your way into the grand hall.

"AH! oof! oolf! ah ah ah pap oolf!!" Rebbeka squealed in delight as she noticed the three witchers had returned each holding there own cup full of what you presumed was herbal teas. You had to cover your mouth as you saw Geralt’s face as she called him...She was to small to call him Father and had somehow picked up the habit of calling him wolf....or oolf as she managed it, you watched as she all but kicked out at Jaskier making grabby hands to Geralt, after all he had been away for Three weeks.Jaskier put the squirming pup down before he dropped her and Geralt quickly found himself wrapped around Rebbeka as she clambered up at him. you smiled moving slowly down the length of the table settling down beside him giving a chaste kiss to his lips only to be growled at by your pup making you laugh

"I wonder where she got that from?" you said giving Geralt a look as Rebbeka continued holding his hair like reins and tucking her face into him, you moved back in your seat wincing again as your tummy tensed, it had been happening on and off all night that's why you couldn’t sleep. Eskel laughed as he watched the whole scene unfold, then saw your wince as you cupped your bump

"Whats wrong?" he asked seriously all mirth gone suddenly you had everyone's attention

"I...I think they are getting restless....I'm getting twinges is all wont be surprised if they aren’t here by the end of the week" Geralt looked at you across the table nodding bouncing Rebbeka taking a deep breath.

"If anything changes....let us know" you nodded pulling a cup from the table making your own tea adding honey. you missed the look the witcher's shared between them selves.

Over the next couple of days you noted that you were never alone one of them was always with you even when you bathed, tho if it was anyone other then Geralt of Jaskier they had to be outside of the door...Geralt had nearly ripped Lambert a new one and was only stopped by Vesemir knocking some sense into him. Currently you was sitting in the small library with Vesemir cured up leaning on him as he told you of a particularly tricky nymph contract he had Taken Geralt on as a young man, Rebbeka was having a the time of her life with the new toys from her uncles recent travels scattered about her on the rug.

"And then Geralt being the younger more rash man he was decided that he would try to out seduce The water nymph...You can imagine how I found him the next morning in the spring, he was lucky she was only after the pink pearls in his pack or-" mid way through his sentence he stopped and pulled back his yellow eyes roaming your body. You pulled back worried automatically cupping your tummy. "What is it?" he shifted moving you slightly then you felt it..Your dress was wet and so was the cushion below you. You gasped and swore face burning bright as you gathered your skirts making to stand thinking you had another accident courtesy of the pups lounging on your bladder but he stopped you keeping you seated.

"Its not...I can smell it and that isn't...They are coming its time" you opened your mouth to argue but stopped and looked down, they had been still, just like Rebbeka you hadn’t paid no mind thinking it a blessing as you managed for first uninterrupted night in weeks, you then gazed back to him frightened grabbing him tightly worried, his own concerned gaze did nothing to stem your on fears, the primal fear of birth suck in. He smoothed your hair hushing you.

"Don’t panic...It's going to be okay...I've got you" you gulped taking a deep breath. He moved quickly removing himself from your grasping hands calling over Rebbeka who crawled over to him letting him pick her up. Then made for the door opening it.

"GERALT! JASKIER ITS TIME!!" you took deep breaths as you tried to prepare yourself for whats to come in. Digging your fingers into the  padded surface of the twoseater, in a matter of moments the room was full of witchers all trying to be useful, you would have laughed had you not been quivering in fear. Geralt looked to you then the others.

"Everyone ready?" they nodded quickly dashing from the room determination on their faces you didn't have time to question them as Rebbeka was placed in Jaskiers arms Vesemir quickly  blowing a small puff of powder into her face making her cough a little then he moved casting a sign and telling the child to sleep, within moments she was sleeping peacefully in her papa's arms. As this happened you was quickly picked up by Geralt you whimpered at him as an almost pitiful tugging began on your stomach muscles.

"Geralt what? what did Vesemir? where are we going?" he hushed you and continued walking swiftly down into a basement type room it would have been dark had it not bee full of light candles you could see a small single bed that had been moved to rest atop of a table making it higher. You gasped when you saw a few tall shelves full of different vials by the side of it. Lambert was busy counting herbs and various potion names out to Eskel who was warming some water by a huge open fire place.

"G-Geralt what is this place?" he sighed and gave you a grim look. He didn't want to tell you that you was going to be giving birth here...In the very chamber he and the others had undergone their mutations, but it was the only place in kaer morhen that had the apothecary ,magical and medical necessities that they needed. they had all decided reluctantly that this was the best place, incase there was any problems no one knew what mutations or issues the pup's would have but this was the best equipped room they had.

"It's where we were made....it has everything we might need for them...If thing begin to....Its got medicine and Lambert can make any potion or elixirs we may need...I'm sorry you have to bring them into the world here but we didn't have many options." you gulped as he laid you on the bed you tried calming down as you looked up into the ceiling seeing many terrifying vials and instruments hanging you closed your eyes looking away holding Geralt’s hand tightly, he squeezed back. You looked at him frantically as yous tummy tensed this time bringing the first sharp pain, like someone twisting a blade in your gut. You gasped panting holding your stomach. He looked down placing a hand on yours Jaskier quickly placed Rebbeka on the array of pillows laid out for her and came up beside you, warely looking above to the instruments hanging around you.

"Geralt...Promise me that....If Its me or them choose them....Promise me" the others stopped and it was only then that you noticed Jaskier as he gasped then looked to the others severe looks. Geralt leaned down placing his forehead to yours looking hurt and lost.

"It...It wont come to that....That’s why we are here You will be fine all of you" you panted curling with another pain biting your lip grunting and hissing as this contraction upped the ante it lasted longer this time making you swear,once the pain passed you stayed there and gave him a kiss. whispering to him desperately.

"Promise me!" he swallowed and nodded unable to speak he looked to Jaskier who gripped your other hand.

"It will be okay, we will take care of them if..." he trailed off Geralt snapped at him but you stopped him,Jaskier understood your need for that reassurance. you squinted smiling tightly as another pain made your body tremble, you looked around frantic.

"Rebbeka?!" Vesemir appared at the bottom of the bed.

"She is here, I put her into a light sleep....well deep enough that she will not wake down here, we did not want her to see all this and be frightened" he said waving around to the torturous looking instruments.

"She is over there by the fire, see?" you tilted your head around and nodded then quickly slammed your head back as another contraction tore threw you and you screamed feeling one child shift lower, settling right at your cervix the pain didn't relent as they stayed there. you shook your head and tore at the blankets.

"I-Its not......Not stopping!!" you cried out confused as to why this pain didn't fade ass the others had. Vesemir wasted no time in holding you high off the bed letting your packmates tugged your skirts up. You moaned and screamed as the new position made your back spasm and cramp. Finally having enough of wrestling with the fabric Geralt handed Jaskier a knife cutting and ripping it away fro you and lifted your knees. Lambert came over with a tiny vial filled with a whitish grey liquid and dropper.

"Open, this is for the pain, it was used a few decades ago for birthing pains" you did open your mouth

"lift your tongue" you did as instructed and hear him count the drops once he reached five he moved away. you tensed again as another wave of pain crashed over you, you whole body trembled and tensed you screeched out.

"IT'S NOT WORKED LAMBERT!!"  he sighed at you and waved of your anger as you laid back cursing him out then as quickly as you could catch your breath another pain came this time you felt the need to push. Wasting no time you moved up to your elbows and feeling Geralt and Jaskier's hovering hands around you, they knew you were working on instinct and was merely there for moral support, you grunted grinding your teeth and curved yourself around digging your heels in the bed and pushed. you panted and dropped your head to your chest taking deep breaths as you had a moment of relief. Geralt moved his hand around concentrating feeling the pup.

"They are low...Very low the next push or one after should do it..." he said you smiled quickly at him, thank fuck!

"That’s will be quick! most humans are in this part for hours!" you heard Eskels voice from somewhere in the room

"She's omega, this is what she was made for. Her births will always be fast her body will only start going into true labor when she is already...open and able to pass the child... She has been slowly moving them lower since breakfast its why I kept her with me in the library" you looked to Vesemir shocked and went to shake your head at him going to argue but was cut of by another scream pushing with all your might baring down physically feeling the pus shift lower and lower until. Your high pitched screech took on new heights as you felt yourself bare the pup. the witcher's couldn't help but cover their sensitive ears as you cried out. Suddenly Geralt was there below you, this time not freezing or faltering he moved swiftly taking the soft cord from Jaskier tying it around the umbilical cord and cutting the child's bond from you with the curved knife used on Rebbeka. you held you breath for a few seconds as a deafening silence echoed in the room for a few moments freighting everyone. Suddenly there was a small gasp and cry form the pup you tried sitting up wanting to see your child. Vesemir moved behind you supporting you, from here all you could see was a small pink skinned bundle in your alphas arms wriggling their tiny fists about definitely not happy to be out in the cold room. Eskel made his way over holding his breath as he dragged over the warm water and cleaning rags, a crib was already beside your bed. You swore as the next pup made their was south

"Geralt!" he quickly snapped his gaze from the pup handing them to Eskel who carefully moved them to the water cleaning them gently. You cried out as the whole process started again a pain tore through you, tho you was exhausted and wanted to sleep you were more then ready to get this over with, the only sounds echoing the room was that of your cries and the newborns wails after another four contractions you whined. Laying back you looked at Jaskier gulping, you was running out of steam fast, you closed your eyes shaking your head at him. You couldn't do this.

"I-I cant...I'm sorry I cant do this....You have to-to cut them out please...Don’t let my child die!" he patted your hand tears falling as he glanced at Geralt who was frantically looking you over not believing what he was hearing.

"You are stronger than this...Please don't-dont give up!" you panted smiling to Jaskier"I'm done Jaskier, I cant do this....not this time I'm to tired" you let your tears roll down your cheeks barely wincing as another contraction hit unable to even twitch at it feeling Geralt’s eyes snap to you as he seemed to take in your weakened state. Shaking his head as his blood began running cold, his chest clenching.

"No!-No you...Y/n please...You can do this omega I know you can-" you closed your eyes then gulped, you knew the pup wouldn't survive if it wasn't out soon, you didn't have time.

"What is it?" he stopped and looked at you then to Eskel who was now swaddling the small pup.

"What-What is it?" you heard your alpha ask as you moved back resting panting yet still trying to see your new pup.

"Boy....It's a boy, Y-you have a son Geralt!" Geralt stole a glance at the now clean pup freezing as he saw it. Then crowded you

"Y-you hear that..We have a boy...Small and tongs....Please you can-I know you can do this" you winced at him

"It's not-I don't think its getting lower...We don't have time please Geralt...Save it...I'm tired" you closed your eyes pressing your head back to the pillow trying to sink into the mattress wanting to try and gain a bit of your strength. Lambert looked over to his white haired brothers devastation, then the child. He steeled himself and looked around the chamber seeing the sectioned off corner where the failed witchers were placed before being buried, he looked down growling.No. This would not happen, this chamber has to many lives to its name it will not have any more. He moved to the side of the bed pulling the child from Eskel moving so you could see him.

"You can do this! Look the very first born witcher....Not a regular pup a witcher...Look at him...Your son...Yours.. And he Needs his mother....W-We all did, but him more so than us" you turned facing him coming eye level with two amber eyes looked back at you, with the initial rush of blood now settled he was pale.... like porcelain and his hair tho it was wet you saw how pale it was, he wouldn't have pure white like his father but it would be silver, a bright shining silver. You moved a hand out to him, his cat like pupils dilated honing in on you he whined trying to reach for you. He knew who you were. He was definitely his fathers son.

"You are the only woman to manage this....And any woman strong enough to carry a witcher is strong enough to birth them... don't give up...Don't give up on them" you took a deep breath nodding to him moving forward, now seeing exactly what you would be missing you crawled forward all thoughts of giving up washed away as you kneeled on the bed. You grasped both Geralt and Jaskier's hands closing your eyes as a wave of determination washed over you finally you felt it the second the pain began you pushed with all your might not even taking a moment to breath you continued bearing down willing your child to join their brother once the contraction stopped you didn't let up, the new position had helped and the pup was just there you curled down with a final breathless shout as you pushed with your stomach muscles then as quick at the pain came it stopped as the pup fell right into Vesemir's waiting hands quickly he tied and cut the cord but the pup did not cry, it did not move, you waited nearly a whole minute before the gravity of the situation finally hit you. You looked on in horror as you took in their appearance .Blue. Your child was a deathly shade of blue. Not breathing. You screamed your anguish as Vesemir all but ran across the small space to the table with Lambert close behind with the pup, he was holding it carfully as he walked rubbing their back and chest trying to get their heart pumping.

"NNOOO! NO IT THEY CAN’T BE!" you screamed trying to stagger off the bed to your pup but was held still by Geralt, you beat at him feebly as he held you close keeping your head in his chest motioning for Jaskier to help calm you, he was terrified but he knew his family would do everything they could, he trusted them and it was decided among themselves that he would steer clear if this happened, he would console his mate. He tilted his head down trying to hold himself together as you fell to pieces in his arms.

Meanwhile Vesemir and Lambert was making quick work rubbing the pup trying to get blood flow clearing their airwaves of an blockages. there was a tiny puff of air but both witcher's saw as the pup tried taking a breath, it wasn't ill it was weak. Tired to tired to breath on its own. They nodded to each other and worked harder doubling their efforts. Vesemir moved down breathing into the tiny body still frantically rubbing the child's chest and sides, again they struggled for air. It was promising.

"Lambert the White raffards decodation...Quickly!" Lambert moved pulling down the small vial popping the cork and placing some in a pipett then handed it to Vesemir, tilting the small pups neck opening its mouth quickly he moved letting a few drops loose then rubbed the pups throat making sure it swallowed. Lambert winced as your wails continued, he moved pressing his own mouth over the pups, if they could keep those tiny breaths going long enough for the potion to work then he would be fine...He another boy...He will not die in this chamber...Not while he was here. Finally after what had felt like hours but was just a few terrifying moments the child screamed out his first breaths joining his brothers own chorus. Vesemir moved resting both hands on the table where the pup laid crying and screaming his little lungs out. And the old witcher wouldn't have it any other way. he garsped him quickly making his way to the three of you, who were so lost in grief you did not hear him. Carefully he moved Geralt back placing the boy in your arms then motioned for Eskel to place the first born there to. You froze feeling your arms full with two children.

"Y-you...You saved it? how? oh my god!Thank you! thank you so much!" you cried tucking yourself over the two, healthy breathing pups. Geralt and Jaskier joined both smiling wide enough to make their cheeks hurt. The relief of holding the two pups was unlike anything you had felt. you looked as Vesemir patted Geralt on the back.

"Two boys Geralt, you have your work cut out for you...I can’t help but think this is karma for all the stuff you pulled as a young'en...Good luck your going to need it" you pulled back seeing that Vesemir was right you held two sons. you looked at them both, identical silver hair amber eyed pups.

"Please tell me you have names ready?" you looked up at Geralt then Jaskier. who both nodded Geralt ran a finger over the oldest face.

"Aleksy...." he said making you smile then jaskier moved a hand to the younger boy

"Casmir..." you smiled two strong names...Defender of man and keeper of peace. If they were anything like Geralt and Jaskier you knew they would live up to their namesakes... you moved  to feed Aleksy as Geralt moved Casmir to the still warm bath ready to clean him off and wrap him in a blanket to keep him from the cold.

"Can we not have any more for a while? please I don't think I can go through that again" you said moving back to lay down as the other witchers cam around crowding you keeping the pups in their sights. Geralt huffed a laugh

"I will let you know in two weeks" you huffed then whined.

"Oh no you don't, knot or not we are not doing that again....you'd never stop at that rate" he laughed as he moved patting Casmir dry. you sunk into the bed relaxing.

"Would you like to wake Rebbeka now?" you thought about it and nodded.

"Yes but I'm going to sleep after I've fed these two I'm exhausted" Vesemir hummed stopping Eskel in his tracks.

"Well should wait until they are fed and we are out of here" he said motioning to the room. you smiled pulling the man down kissing his cheek.

"Thank you..I mean that, I owe you and Lambert his life" he smiled patting your head."Anything for family"

Time skip five years

You huffed walking down the corridor Vesemir close behind you, you had been looking for the pups for over an hour, since you was informed they had snuck away from Vesemir as he was tying to teach them about some of the less scary monsters. Over the last five years the twins had demonstrated there abilities and it was decided they would be trained as witchers, not one to be left out Rebbeka was also beginning to train. She would never undergo a mutation or trial but if she could brew potions and decodations and have the knowledge to defeat monsters then she would definitely be able to follow in her fathers footsteps.....Somewhat. The boys on the other hand were a different story, both had magic and the strength and reflexes of a witcher, the only thing they struggled with was their toxicity, they could not withstand many potions. And although they were witcher's and had a strong immune systems they were not completely immune and could be effected by poison venom and toxins. You sighed already hearing the shouts from the children, you followed it out to the court yard finding your three children rough housing....Over a lute.

"Hey! Aleksy! you put that down right now!" you yelled out descending the steps as your eldest son lifted the lute to bash Casmir who was holding Rebbeka in a head lock, you hurried to the courtyard meeting them half way. Tho younger both boys were bigger then Rebbeka... Something she detested. Rebbeka was slim and fast...For a human her hair was always pulled back in some type of braid, she was like Jaskier always finding herself in trouble and out numbered, but she did have a silver tongue, if they ever needed to talk their way out of trouble as a group she was the one to do it. Your two boys were very much like their Father. Even as five year olds they were broader then the typical child, and taller they both wore their silver hair down each having two braids circling back around the  tops of their ears held in place together at the back of their heads just like Geralt. Identical the only difference was Casmir had two fishtail braids and Aleksy had two dutch braids, that and Aleksy's hair was held back by a black cord and Casmir's a navy blue.  Your two boys stopped fighting and let up their elder smaller sister who had been pinned down by the scrapping boys. She huffed snatching back her lute and wacked them with it turning tail making to run into the keep only to be stopped by Vesemir spinning her with one hand halting her tantrum effortlessly.

"Hey, Whats wrong?" she stomped and threw her brothers a mean look pointing at them.

"They pushed me down! and scratched it...And and then said my singing is bad! like a shrieker!!" she cried out stomping her foot. You looked at the boys with a raised eyebrow. Vesemir followed your gaze as the two boys looked down kicking the floor.

"Is this true? and how would you know what a shrieker sounds like? Have you ever heard one pup?" they shrugged

"Well...No" they both looked to each other then their Grandpa

"Would you like our next lesson to be on a strieker...We can practice your letters with it, you can write a ten word sentence about one fifty times" they jumped up shaking their heads.No. they hated there writing, instead they wanted to have story time. which was actually Vesemir's own way to drum different monster information into their heads. He was a cunning man making them learn without them even realizing it.

"Thats not fair! she started it she pushed us first" Casmir started pointing at his sister.

"Yeah! It was only cos we wanted a go on it and she wouldn't share, she pushed us down and we pushed her back...Didn't mean to scratch it." you looked from one to the other then Vesemir who nodded, he had heard the way Rebbeka panicked heart jumping at Casmir's words.

"Then its settled all three of you will practice your letters tomorrow morning with Grandpa..." they all groaned whining but you held up a hand

"And what has your father said about fighting? If you want to fight then you can do drills with grandpa....All three of you. I wont have this nonsense each time by back is turned you understand me?" you said pointing at each of them they looked down gasping at the mention of drills with Vesemir, they watched the grueling training that their Papa was put through, that was enough for them to want to avoid that training for as long as possible. They ran to you clutching your skirts.

"No!No Mama please!"

"Don't let grandpa do that please please we're sorry!" you chuckled at the panicked looks.

"Whats all this about?" you giggled as the two boys quickly bombarded their fathers pleading with them to save them from Grandpa's training. Geralt sent you a look

"Well for your mother to threaten you with such a punishment you must have been doing something naughty" you crossed your arms as Rebbeka quickly running to Jaskier making him hoist the girl up.

"Fighting! every chance they get, every time my back is turned! and lying" Geralt raised an eyebrow and placed the two boys down Jaskier doing the same with Rebbeka.

"What exactly have I told you three bout lying ?" they looked sheepish suddenly become interested in the floor

"I will have no more of that, you do and you’ll be in serious trouble!" you sighed as the children all looked upset close to tears, they never liked being scolded by any of you, but least of all their father, they looked up to him. But you saw a glint in Geralt’s eye as he gave them a lopsided grin.

"And what do I say about fighting?" he paused giving them a guilty look as they looked up at him nervously waiting his answer, he ducked down smirking 'whispering' to them.

"Never where your mother can see you, practice stealth"

"Geralt!?!" you cried out as the children laughed and he motioned for them to go play, forgetting the whole incident as they chased one another into the keep. you frowned at the alpha who didn't even feign a timid look. You sighed at him as he swooped in kissing you.

"Mate?" you wrapped your arms around him.

"Do you have to encourage them? they run me ragged as it is....Already popping up in places they shouldn't be... Disappearing at a moments notice they are manageing to escape Vesemir already!" the old witcher laughed shaking his head at his student.

"They all have a few years on you Geralt, you was what eight? nine? before you managed that?" the White wolf sighed and looked at you tilting his head and gave his argument.

"Then they are going to be brilliant at sneaking, a very useful trait" you deadpanned

"Yes Very good until they start sneaking into the lab...which has happened twice already" his brow furrowed and he nodded.

"Fine I will talk to them about that, but I have other things to do first" You glowed at him

"Dare I ask?" he smiled cheekily and scooped you up over his shoulder making you squeak

"YOU PUT ME DOWN THIS INSTANT!! GERALT! STOP!"  you beat at his back making him laugh you watched as Jaskier tried hiding his giggles entering behind you both as Geralt turned towards the stairs. the kids moved beside him looking at you both funny.

"OOHH is father upset with Mama?" Rebbeka asked knowing the only time Geralt held her or her brothers like that was when they'd been really bad and was gonna get a hiding.

"Wonder what she did? Is he going to spank her you think?" hearing your youngest's question you sputtered and went bright red.

"No of course your father isn't going to-OUCH GERALT!" Geralt made it worse by laughing out loud as he popped you on the ass once whilst he continued up the stairs going out of sight, you heard your children's squeals and chatter as they was ushered away for lunch.

Timeskip 13 years

You stood on the bridge to kaer morhen, today was the day you dreaded. you were finally letting them go...Out into the world... you looked down trying hard not to cry, the only small mercy was they were going to be together as a group. They promised to stay with one another for the year...A whole year with out them they would be back in the winter,Lambert and Eskel  were going to stick close to them, not to close but enough to help if they needed it. you Geralt and Jaskier would leave kaer morhen in three weeks and avoid them. They needed this to fly the nest but it was so hard no matter how big they got they were still your babies. you trembled as Aleksy moved saddling his horse. he and his brother were tall and strong boys Men they were men now...Alphas...Witchers wide and powerful their magic had grown their signs were potent. you kept looking over them. Aleksy still preferred black and dark grey's, Casmir navy blues and dark forest greens. Casmir had cut his hair on the sides shaved one large braid pulling the rest of his hair back. Aleksy had long hair...Longer than his fathers and a style like his fathers the top pulled back but held in a braid not a ponytail. both of them were the spitting image of Geralt. Then there was Rebbeka she was a stunning woman, she could pass as a nymph with her dainty form Puberty had done her well and she had surprised everyone by presenting as an alpha...Thank god... she was always in dark reds and purples and had her hair up in its twisted bun hiding no lest then four steel sharpened hair sticks, she was less brash then her brothers, more one for sneaking around stealth was her game and with her charm an wit she managed to navigate humans with ease running rings around them until wheedling out the truth she always looked for the finer details and was very rarely wrong. You watched as they all packed up their horses, you noted none of them looked at you of their papa. You didn't blame them you andJjaskier couldn't hide your emotions well. Geralt could you knew he was worried, the fact he had tole Lambert and Eskel to tail them was a testament to that. you shook your head, you knew they could handle themselves, they had been proving it ever since your pack had been traveling for a few months at a time since they were fourteen or so. Getting first hand experience on the field alongside their father and grandpa. you smiled hugging Jaskier who wasn't holding it together at all fiddling with his lute trying to busy his hands and not wipe at his eyes. finally the time came and they turned to you all, you took a deep breath and hugs each of your children.

"Remember, not to much ale or women....That means you two Rebbeka I know you'll all want your fun away from us but please no pups yet! and don't you forget to wash and bath regularly..oh and please always have at least two fights worth of swallow and-and" you were hushed by them laughing and blushing at certain points of your worried mumbling.

"We know mother...We will be careful in and out of the sheets...You don't have to worry its just one year and we will be back before winter settles in" you gripped Casmir's arm giving them each one last kiss then stepping back reluctantly nodding as they gave their fathers heart felt goodbyes. Geralt imparting some more words of advice making them all roll their eyes. For such a hard man he loved his children to death you pity the fools who ever harm his children. he did shock them all by also gifting them their very own wolf medallion's, tho it was different from his, instead of having one wolf head there was four, one large at the top .Geralt. And three smaller heads...Pups. They swallowed back their tears as he place one over each of their heads. It was decided that these pendants would suffice as their own witcher medallion's instead of the traditional ones, as they were not your everyday witchers. they hugged their father tight then pulled back. Finally Jaskier hugged Rebbeka and then did the unthinkable thrusting his precious lute into her hands.

"I know you've always loved this thing...And it has seen its fair share of adventures... Collecting songs on the way....And I think it could do with some more..." she gasped trying to hand it back but Jaskier shook his head at her.

"Nope its yours now...A good luck charm and also a reason for you to make it back home..I can't wait to hear of your tales of vallor...all of you but please..please stay safe." you teared up as he didn't this hugging each of the boys on last time  and moving back to stand with you and Geralt. You took deep breaths watching as they made their way down the path away from you holding it together until you were sure the boys wouldn't hear you, then broke into tears. holding onto your mate and Jaskier who both were shedding their own tears, both of sadness and joy. Sad for their departure yet all three of you were ecstatic in the knowledge that you had done it. Your pack had a legacy. The three of you created raised and taught three perfectly rounded people. Three witcher's all capably of protecting all who needed protecting weather it be man or monster. The last witcher's to ever train and leave kaer morhen.

"They will be okay...They will be fine, they are trained and smart and strong..." you looked to Geralt nodding agreeing with him as he sighed ushering you both into the keep walking past the other witchers. you took one final look over your shoulder and shook your head sighing. you smiled squeezing Geralt and Jaskiers waist. They will be fine. you knew they would and you couldn't wait to hear the songs of their victories and you would count down the days until they returned home.

[lifeofroos]

Part 57. It’s reflection time. 

In short: Nico gets therapy from Dionysus. In this chapter, they evaluate Nico’s growth from the last year. The story is on AO3 and FanFiction.net! And also in Tumblr tags like Dionysus, Nico di Angelo, therapy etc.

This Might Be Crazy: Chapter 57: Persephone’s Deadly Tasty Orange Juice

It was eight P.M. when we walked into Denny’s. Mary looked up. ‘I’m sorry, but I’ll be leaving soon.’

‘Yes,’ I said, ‘Because you should go hug Ernest. And study. How is he doing? And how is it going?’

‘It is still almost like we are blessed,’ she answered, with a sarcastic look to Dionysus, ‘and my studies are going well. If it goes on like this, I can stop working in this place in May or early june.’

‘Yay! Or, well, yay…’

‘I get what you mean. It is pretty yay.’ She winked and put a  parcel on the counter, with a golden bow around it. ‘I heard it is your birthday tomorrow?’

‘I mean… yes!’

‘My sources told me.’

I looked over my shoulder. Dionysus shrugged and I snickered. ‘Ah, yes. Sources. Do you also know how these sources found out?’

‘General divinity.’ She tapped the gift. ‘Are you going to open it?’

Careful not to tear the paper, I opened it, even though it was pretty clear it was a book. At least, I thought so until I saw it was actually a box of chocolates shaped like a book.

‘How ingenious.’

‘Absolutely, right? And the chocolates have the shape of skulls.’

‘It’s a gift that keeps on giving.’ I looked up at Mary and smiled. ‘Thanks, Mary. Thanks a lot.’

She smiled. ‘Do you want orange juice? I was going to make some.’

Of course I wanted orange Juice, even when I saw that it was made from Persephone’s sacred oranges. I decided not to ask how Mary got her hands on a full box of them. 

Dionysus and I sat down in our regular spot. ‘What is it?’ I asked. ‘Why did I have to come?’

‘Tomorrow is your birthday. That means it has almost been a year that you first started therapy.’

What. ‘Really?’  

‘Yes.’ He smiled. ‘I thought we should evaluate what was discussed.’

‘A lot.’ A god, goddang lot. 

‘A whole lot.’ 

‘You don’t say.’ 

‘I did.’

I sighed, while Mary placed two glasses of orange juice on our table. ‘Bon appetit.’ She smiled and walked back to the counter, presumably to continue packing her stuff so she could go home after we left. 

Dionysus turned back to me, while I took a sip of my orange juice. ‘Anyway. Do you think therapy has helped you?’

I nodded, without hesitation. ‘Yes. It has helped me. I feel more…’ my voice trailed off. ‘I really do, it really has, but if I say it, I might jinx it.’ 

Dionysus slowly nodded. ‘I can promise that that will not happen, but it is okay. You don’t have to say it. That is something a lot of people feel.’

I nodded, before taking a deep breath. ‘I feel better,’ I said then, which made Dionysus smile. ‘All the really big issues that were blocking my mind have been talked about. They are not completely gone, but my brain feels lighter. I learned how to give everything a place in my life.’ I took a pause to take a sip of orange juice. ‘Yet, now I do have more room to overthink other things, mostly other people. Like with May.’ I shrugged.

Dionysus slowly nodded. ‘That sounds plausible.’

‘Yes. It does cause a lot of stress when I am constantly thinking of random people.’ I took a sip, until I realised what he probably wanted me to say. ‘I think that might need to be the next step. Manage the stress and the impulsive thoughts now that the big trauma is out of the way.’

‘Indeed, but you must be cautious. It is very possible that some old fears come back.’

‘Yes. Although, a lot of the fear disappeared after I faced the Elder Gods.’ 

‘That doesn’t mean it can’t come back. Keep looking out for yourself, okay? The really nasty voices won’t come back, but the nightmares might.’

I nodded. ‘Okay.’

‘To come back to what you said before: you mean that you have a lot more room in your head to overthink, mostly about other people.’

I took a sip of my orange juice. ‘Yes. I hope that issue doesn’t become bigger, because as said before, it causes stress.’

‘Not if we treat you properly and not as long as the peaceful Elder Gods protect your mind. However, be cautious. We need to focus on finding a way to help you deal with the new thoughts you described. Both so that you don’t impulsively decide to take a trip and so that you aren’t constantly pestered by fear.’

I thought back to what happened with May. It reminded me of the trogs, who I also impulsively followed. ‘I agree.’

‘Than that can be our starting point for next sessions. You worked through the raw fears, now we need to work on the rough edges so that you can go on with your life without having as much therapy as you do now.’

I nodded. This all sounded very smart, or something. ‘Yes. Do we have a plan, then?’

He nodded. ‘I think we do. And, Nico, I really am proud of you for the progress you made this last year. You talked about a lot, dealt with a lot, found ways to give something a place. You are currently in a way healthier mindset than when you started.’

‘Thanks.’

‘Now you just need to learn how to live your life.’

‘Live my life. That’s a good one.’

He nodded. ‘Yet, right now there is only one proper plan.’

‘Is it, by any chance, sleep?’

‘It is. Drink up that juice, then we’ll get you home.’

-------------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning, I was suddenly sixteen. Will, who was still asleep, had his arms wrapped around me. 

I turned my head to look at the clock on my nightstand and noticed that there were some tiny objects laying next to it. Softly, I pushed Will away from me a little, so that I could see what it was. There were a few coins, a card, a shiny packet and a note. Happy birthday, to another year of not losing your head, -D, was all the note read. Clearly Dionysus. 

The shiny pack was a Mythomagic booster pack, from a Dionysian expansion set. Very funny. There were ten regular drachmas and two black ones, to be used in the Underworld. I narrowed my eyes, wondering if this man was implying something by giving me two underworld coins. Oh, what the heck, probably not. 

The card was difficult to read without lamplight, until I had deciphered my own name on top of the card. ‘Nico di Angelo, Ghost king.’ I gasped. This was a card, an official card even, of myself. I sat up and snapped the light on to take a better look.

‘Urgh... Nico?’ Will asked sleepily. ‘What are you…’

‘Will, look…’ I pointed at the card. He wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my shoulder. 

‘Hm? Oh… is that a mythomagic card with you on it?’

‘It is an official mythomagic card with me on it,’ I corrected him. ‘Not that I play that anymore…’

‘You don’t have to lie to me.’ He kissed my neck. I put the card down. 

‘No, I don’t,’ I said, while I kissed him back. On the mouth this time. 

A/N: I legit once found a box of chocolates in the shape of a book. 

Okay boys, if you write a world where magic is real, there should be a  mechanic that protects you against mental illness.  I think the Elder Gods will be able to do that. 

Final exams have started which means I am officially dead now. 

Next chapter will be Nico celebrating his birthday with the Jacksons.

[imma-fucking-nerd]

Promise Me

(Connor x Suicidal!Reader)

⚠️TW: Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Drug/Alcohol Use, Mentions of Self Harm, Suicide Attempt⚠️

A/N: So as you can tell from the tw this one is going to be very dark and may be triggering for some readers. If you're going through a rough time and don't think you can handle reading depictions of these kinds of things PLEASE skip this one. I only feel comfortable writing about it because I've been living with depression and suicidal thoughts for a very long time, and writing comfort fics with my favourite fictional characters helps. Sorry for the long A/N I just want to make things clear and give a good warning.

————————————————

Your alarm clock blaring by you ears woke you up from your only escape from your reality, signalling it was 6am. Groaning, you lazily slapped the alarm off but made no attempt to get up. You knew you had work today but you just couldn't get yourself to stop staring up at the ceiling and into nothingness. What if you just didn't go in? Would anyone even notice? Would anyone even care?

No. No one cares. You're worthless.

And there it was. The voice in your head that sounded like your own yet betrayed you at every opportunity. Yet even so you couldn't help but believe it. After all, it was your thought wasn't it?

That's how it had always been.

Horrible words blending into your thoughts so seamlessly you managed to convince yourself they were normal. But no normal mind tried to tear itself down every time it was silent. That was the demon known as depression.

You've lived with this demon for as long as you've know. It was your normal. But recently it had been more and more frequent with it's hurtful words that spread through your mind like a deadly virus. The past couple of weeks had been especially difficult.

You tried everything you could to shift your mind to something else, anything else. You smoked pot, cigarettes, drank, you even slipped back into an especially dangerous copping mechanism. But none of those seemed to be enough. Every time they would come back. Your voice would spew venom at yourself in your own mind.

The only times you've managed to have any moment of peace was when you were asleep, or when you were with your only two friends. Hank, and Connor. You loved Hank, but it was Connors presence that really made you feel good. A feeling you longed to feel again every time he left. Was it just a silly crush? Or were you madly in love with him? Did it matter?

He would never love you back anyway.

Of all the thoughts that one might have hurt the most, because you knew it was actually true. He couldn't love you. He was, as he put it, 'a machine, designed to accomplish a task.' Therefore, it was a hopeless battle to think anything could come of it. Yet you still had hope. Maybe because you needed to have it to survive. Because if you didn't have that little hope, you might as well been dead.

It wasn't like you didn't have your reasons to hope, or maybe you really were that desperate. Connor was always so sweet to you, but then again e was sweet to everyone. Except Gavin. He would always get you a cup of hot chocolate in the mornings because you don't like coffee. Connor definitely didn't do that for anyone else. He does get Hank coffee in the mornings too. Then there was the fact you were one of the two people he talked to the most, aside from his detective work. Maybe he just pities you because he knows how fragile you are.

So, as you laid there staring up at the cieling, you decided to test that hope once and for all. See if there was anything to be hopeful about at all, or if he really was a machine who wouldn't love you the same way you loved him. You decided you weren't going to go to work that day, and you weren't going to call in either. If anyone were worried about you, if anyone even cared about you at all, they would check up on you, right?

Not if they don't even notice in the first place.

Hour after hour went by. No calls. At first you figured that it was still early and they probably just thought you were late. But you were never late, why would they think that? Aren't they worried? Not if they never cared to begin with.

At around 9am you couldn't take the overthinking anymore and just went back to sleep. You couldn't think if you weren't conscious. A little secret you learned in the game that is living. Sleeping was the best way to just escape. Especially if you were dreaming. That was the best part. Mostly because your dreams were the only place you could feel Connors arms around you, and his lips on yours.

When you woke up again it was 5 o'clock in the evening. However you didn't accomplish an impressive 8 hours of sleep uninterrupted. No, during that time you woke up just for a minute or two before going back to sleep at least a dozen times. That's usually how you slept most days. It almost felt weird when you sleep a long duration uninterrupted.

Glancing over at your phone, your heart dropped when you saw 0 notifications. Well, not including ones you got from youtube. You turned your phone off and tossed it onto a pile of clothes in the corner of your room.

Maybe they were just having a busy day and didn't notice you weren't there.

There was no way Connor wouldn't notice. He notices everything.

What you didn't know was that Connor was in fact not aware you weren't at the prescinct, but that was because he wasn't at the prescinct either. Connor and Hank had been called in to do a high stakes stakeout to bust a person who had been stealing and selling Cyberlife memorabilia illegally. They had to leave at around 4 am, way before you had to be at work. The entire time Connor was disappointed he'd have to break his streak of greeting one of his favourite people every day.

Truth was, Connor had grown quite attached to you. Despite the fact that he wasn't technically supposed to have any favorites. You were just so different from anyone else he had met. You were the first, and maybe only, human that actually referred to him as a friend. Or even treated him with a shred of decency in general. It made him feel....nice. You made him feel.

So, when the duo arrived at the office finally at around 4pm he noticed the lack of your presence immediately. He asked around the prescinct if anyone had seen you today and all of them, well the ones that actually talked to him, said they hadn't. He even went so far as to ask Fowler if you had called in only to be met with the same answer. Now he knew that was odd, that something was wrong.

He tried to call you when he was finished Hanks reports for him so the poor man could take a nap but you didn't answer your phone. Now he felt worried. A fact that only worried him more. However before he had the chance to go to your place to see if you were alright, he and Hank were needed to defuse a hostage situation at 6 pm. Of course, he immediately made his new mission his top priority, but every so often you would slip back into his mind.

It was currently 9 and you had managed to drag yourself from your bed to take care of your business in the bathroom a couple times since you had woken up. Everytime avoiding looking at your pathetic self in the mirror. But you would always go crawling back to the comfort of your bed. You didn't even leave your room yet. Not even to get anything to eat. It's not like you didn't want to, but whenever you thought about eating that damned voice in your head always ruined your appetite. So you just kept your eyes glued to your laptop as you laid buried under your blankets. YouTube was always a good distraction. That was until now.

Now that you glanced at the clock you were reminded of the fact that the work day had been over for you hours ago. The fact that no one seemed to care that you weren't there. You didn't even want to look at your phone. You already knew there weren't any missed calls or texts from anyone. No one cared enough.

If only you had actually looked, you would have seen how wrong you were. How wrong it was.

It was at 11pm when it was all just too much for you. Youtube wasn't doing its job in distracting you anymore and the thoughts just kept getting more and more persistent. The worst part was, you didn't even have the energy to fight them anymore. At this point, to you, they all just seemed to be facts. Like you were trying to get yourself to see the truth.

You weren't wanted.

You weren't needed.

You weren't missed.

You should just die.

You believed them.

Closing your laptop, you sat up in bed, letting your legs dangle off the side of the mattress. You looked down at your feet blankly. You couldn't even bring yourself to cry, you just felt numb as you prepared yourself for what you were about to do. Slowly, you got up and went to your bathroom. Once you were inside you made sure to avoid your own ruthless stare in the mirror.

You walked over to the bathtub and turned the nob of the faucet before sticking in the drain plug, not particularly caring about the temperature of the water. You weren't going to be using it for long anyways. Sitting on the edge of the bathtub you rolled up the sleeves of your hoodie and looked over your arms as you waited for the tub to fill. They were littered with many scars of many different ages. The oldest being more than a decade old, and the newest being only a mere few hours. You grabbed the razor from the sink and turned it over in your fingers. These next couple ones would be more permanent.

knock

knock

knock

The sound at your door didn't seem to reach your ears and were only met by silence. This caused Connor's LED to flicker into a pale yellow. Why weren't you answering? Were you harmed? The android tried knocking again, even calling out your name, but was met with nothing once more. He was just about to go and bust down your window like he had once done to Hank when said older man stopped him.

"Don't you even think about it," he said, pointing an accusatory finger at the android.

"But Lieutenant, (Y/n) might be-" Connor argued but was cut off when Hank held up the finger that was once pointing at him to signify 'one moment'.

Hank then bent down, with a little bit of a groan, before lifting up the corner of your welcome mat and plucking up a spare key. Once Hank stood back up with a huff, he shooed Connor away from the door before unlocking and opening it. Connor wasted no time cutting Hank off from the entrance and stepping inside.

Immediately upon entering Connor noted the complete darkness, but that didn't really matter much to him. Through the darkness he knew you weren't in the livingroom or kitchen, a fact made clearer when Hank flicked on the lights. However Connor also noted that there seemed to be no traces of a break-in or a struggle at all. At least not the definition of a struggle he was familiar with.

"(Y/n)?" he called out.

Silence

Connor moved through your home to where he assumed your bedroom. This was the first time he had entered your humble abode and under different circumstances he would've taken more time to investigate the surroundings. Get to know you a bit better. But right now that could wait until he was sure you were okay. He didn't know why it even seemed to be a priority but he couldn't just ignore it any longer.

Your room was just as dark as the rest of the house and also completely lacked your form. The only thing illuminating the room was the light coming from the bathroom which had it's door wide open. Before Hank could stop and scold him about the importance of privacy, Connor made a beeline towards the bathroom.

The sight that he had walked into made his LED flash a dangerous red and eyes widen. You were laying in your bathtub. Fully clothed. Water tinted pink. Your dangerously pale face. However it wasn't those small details that caused the android to suddenly rush over to your side. It was the two long gashes on both of your wrists. Upon scanning you he found that you had lost a lot of blood, but you were still alive. Barely, but he could work with that.

"Connor what the fuck are you- Jesus christ," Hank cut himself off once he saw for himself what was going on.

"Call an ambulance Lieutenant. (Y/n), (Y/n) can you hear me?" Connor managed to keep his voice calm and steady, a feat that took more effort than he would have liked.

The sound of Connor's voice, and feeling you body shift as he gently lifted you out of the cold water made your eyes gently flutter open. Your dulling (e/c) met with his worry written coffee brown ones.

"Connor...?" you called out weakly.

Despite the fact your vision was blurred from a mix of blood loss and building tears, you could recognize his form immediately. What you weren't sure of however was that if it was just a trick of the mond or not. A sense of comfort in your dying seconds.

"Yes (Y/n), it's me. I'm here, you're going to be okay," he said in the most reassuring tone he could muster.

As he spoke he took off his jacket and gently tied it around your left arm while doing the same with a towel for your right. Guilt and regret ate at you from the inside as you silently watched him, his LED still very red and blinking every so often. Hell you could even see the worry on his perfect features. Before you knew it tears started brimming your eyes before large droplets rolled down your pale cheeks.

"I-I'm sorry," you whispered, your voice cracking as your fragile body wracked with soft sobs.

Connor froze when he heard your little voice but it didn't take him another moment to hold you close to his chest.

"It's- It's going to be okay. It's all going to be okay (Y/n), I promise," Connors words were soft and confident, you almost believed him.

You heard what you thought was Hank's voice speak but you couldn't quite register what he said. It was becoming harder and harder to keep your eyes open. As if your eyelids suddenly weighed a million pounds. You shifted further into Connor and you barely heard him speak but the whole world seemed to be fading. Soon enough you closed your eyes and couldn't seem to open them again.

At least, not for several hours. When you did eventually flutter your eyes open again you were mixed with confusion, and then relief. You knew by the pristine white of everything, along with the abundance of machines you were hooked up to that you were in a hospital. As the memories of the previous night came flooding back your eyes dropped down to your newly bandaged arms, and an IV transferring blood into your system. Like last night, a deep sense of guilt, regret, and shame squeezed at your heart.

When your eyes wandered to your left you flinched slightly when you saw Connor standing next to the bed. His eyes were closed and his LED was gently flickering amber, you assumed he was in sleep mode. However as you jolted slightly at his presence, the sudden movement was enough to alert him back awake. His eyes fluttered open and were now on you, seemingly softening a tad the moment he registered it was you. Your eyes only met for a second before you shifted your gaze down to your hands. The guilt and shame made your eyes sting as tears threatened to form in full.

"How are you feeling, (Y/n)?" Connor asked, breaking the silence.

There was a certain sincerity you've never heard from him when he spoke. It made you heart clench but you weren't sure if it was in a good or bad way.

"I'm okay," you said, your voice hoarse and barely audible.

"Good, I'm glad," he replied.

There was another long silence between you two. The only thing keeping the room from being dead silent being the steady beeping and whirring of various machines. This time it was you who spoke up first.

"I'm s-sorry," you croaked.

Your voice was somehow quieter than before and it cracked near the end as your throat tightened up. You were trying desperately to hold back the tears but to no avail. Large teardrops fell from your eyes and rolled down your cheeks.

"I'm so so sorry," you continued, your body being wracked with heavy sobs.

Connor just stood there awkwardly, unsure of what to do for a brief moment. His LED went from blue, to golden, and flickered a dangerous red before settling back to golden. Suddenly, he reached out to grasp your hand. His grip was firm yet gentle, and it captured your attention immediately.

Honestly, he didn't know why he did it. But the sight of your fragile and vulnerable form made his biocomonants feel like they were being crushed. Much like how he felt when he first saw you last night. Except it wasn't nearly as bad. Last bight he felt like someone ripped out his therium pump altogether.

That alone made him confused as to why he felt anything to begin with. It was a question he had been asking himself for a while. At least almost as long as he'd met you. He'd run a million diagnostics on himself and they'd always come back with everything working smoothly. Even after last night. It baffled him.

However at this moment, when you looked up at him with your big, glossy (e/c) eyes, he ceased to think about it. All that mattered right now was you. That was all the information he needed.

"You don't need to be sorry," he said softly.

You intertwined your fingers with his and practically held onto him for dear life. Connor noted how your stress levels seemed to go down at his touch, so he decided to take a seat next to you at the edge of the bed. Once you realized what he was doing you scoot over slightly to make more room.

"Everything is alright, just take deep breaths. Can you do that for me?" he asked soothingly, tilting his head ever so slightly.

You nodded and closed your eyes, focusing on nothing but taking deep breaths. Well, that wasn't the only thing you were focused on. You were also focused on Connors fingers that were laced with yours. It really did help. After what felt like hours, your breath seemed to finally stabilize, and so did Connor's LED, settling on a calm blue.

"May I ask you something (Y/n)?" Connor inquired, a question you heard him ask often.

You opened your eyes and looked up to him. You didn't respond right away, knowing exactly what it was he was going to ask, and you dreaded having to answer it. But eventually, after a few moments of him patiently watching you with those warm chocolate eyes, you slowly nodded.

"Why did you do it?"

His voice was softer than ever, and confusion was written all over your face as he tried to understand. You had to look away from him before you broke down again. A soft sight escaped you and he gave your hand a little reassuring squeeze. You knew you had to tell him, so you took a deep breath before speaking.

"I.... I felt worthless. Like nobody cared if I was gone," you spoke slowly, avoiding Connor's eyes at all cost.

"I stayed home today to see if anyone would care if I wasn't there. No one called. I thought that meant I was right. That I didn't mean anything to anyone. That I was a waste of space. That I should just.....just die," you continued, surprised at yourself at how you were able to keep it together.

Connor listened, his LED whirring golden as he processed the information. He then waited for a moment or two before responding. Wanting to be absolutely sure you were finished before he spoke.

"I assure you that I was aware you were missing as soon as I returned to the prescinct. I regret that I wasn't able to bring you your morning hot chocolate," Connor smiled slightly as he spoke, but it soon dropped along with his gaze before he continued.

"But what I regret more was that I wasn't fast enough to stop you. I'm sorry (Y/n)," the sorrow he held in his voice, and the flucking of his now amber LED made you squeeze his hand reassuringly.

"Connor, if it weren't for you I'd be dead. You saved me. You have nothing to be sorry for," you offered him a weak smile once his eyes returned to you.

Connor returned the smile. It was awkward but it wasn't forced, and it was adorable. His LED returned to sky blue, his chocolatey brown hues glancing down at your intertwined fingers. He gently stroked your knuckles with his thumb, the small action making heat rise up into your cheeks. For the first time since you had been awake, there was a comfortable silence for a few moments before Connor spoke up.

"(Y/n), can you promise me something?" his eyes flicked up to meet yours as he spoke.

"What is it?" you replied, subconsciously tilting your own head.

A habit you picked up from the adorable android.

"Promise me you won't try to take your life again?"

"I promise. But can you promise me something?" you implored.

"As long as it's within my capabilities, I'll try," he said sincerely.

"Promise me you won't forget about me."

"I think I can manage that," he said with a little playful smile before adding,

"I promise."

———————————————

A/N: OOF sorry if the end was kinda ass. And also sorry its so mf long. ALSO sorry its kinda dark. Hope y'all enjoyed anywayss 💙

[granills]

Careless Whisper {B.H.}

Check out the first chapter here or on my wattpad (nigarrmtvseries) 💙🌅

2. Ice Creams, Dreams.

The day after was Saturday, the first day of Mars's weekend. Surprisingly enough, she didn't have to work this time. After going home the previous night, Joyce had called Mars and told her to enjoy the weekend pointing that she needed some free time to gain more energy and that she herself could've managed everything at the store.

Not knowing how to spend her day yet, Mars pulled a shirt over her head and went to the kitchen. Her father, John Crawford, was sitting at the table near the window, a daily paper and coffee in front of him, as per usual. John would remind you one of those men who could catch everyone's attention in the room by talking about his adventures so passionately, making other men and women sit closer and listen to him with great interest. This factor also helped him to become a history teacher at Mars's school. Luckily for her, he started teaching there after she graduated.

Her mother, Mary Crawford, was standing at the counter, she spread the butter over the toast and covered it with one layer of cottage cheese. There was a joy in how she did it, the smell of warm toasts filling the kitchen. Mary didn't like when Mars skipped the breakfasts, and always made sure to accidentally drop something in her bag for her to eat later at work.

"Morning." Mars didn't have an appetite early in the morning and decided that one glass of water would be enough. For now.

"Oh, how nice of you, young lady, to finally join our breakfast." Mr. Crawford spoke with a hint of sarcasm, moving his newspaper aside. "Mary, I didn't know our kids live with us after all."

Mars smiled turning around and putting the glass on the counter.

Mary put the toasts on the table and sat down. "I think she just took the wrong keys." She played along.

"Today is just my day off." Mars approached her parents, standing between them and crouching to give them both a kiss. "See, now I even want to eat." She said and sat down checking if the teapot was hot before pouring herself a cup of tea.

Her mother sent her a surprised glance and leaned back a bit to share glances with John.

"So, how's the school, dad?" Mars asked, taking a slice of toast and putting some raspberry jam on it.

John continued reading his newspaper, drinking his coffee from time to time.

"The semester is about to end and I feel like I'm talking to myself at the class about the historical discoveries. I have some boys who participated in discussions, but these days they are distracted by the new girl."

"The new girl? By the end of the semester?" She asked.

"Yes. Maxine Mayfield, from California. Her stepbrother picks her up after school. Unpleasant guy." He grimaced at the last sentence.

Mars hummed putting down her cup. "I'm sure there are other kids who would like to participate in your discussions, they are just shy."

"Well, the only historical facts kids want to know about these days are UFO and that is not exactly my cup of tea." He answered not taking his eyes from the paper.

"Mr. Clarke could help them with that." Mars said, taking a bite of the toast and enjoying the sweet taste that filled her mouth.

"Exactly. And that is why they love him more." Her dad answered, she noticed a faint note of sadness in his voice.

Mars looked up, feeling the tiniest bit guilty. She wanted to remember when was the last time she actually talked to him and the first thought that came to her mind was when she'd had a fight with some kids at the primary school, instead of scolding her, he praised her that she'd kicked their asses. Not in front of mom for sure. 

She walked up to him and hugged him tightly. "Oh, dad, I love you." John smiled and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, gently rubbing her arm. "And that is enough."

"I know, I know. As long as you, young lady, show up often at home." He laughed and winked at Mary.

/ / /

After the breakfast Mars finally decided that she has to get out of the house so things wouldn't get more emotional. Having agreed to meet with Rose outside the arcade, Mars pinned her hair up and went on to choose an outfit.

She wanted to put on the jeans that she'd left on the chair the day before after work, but her eyes stopped on jean shorts. She loved wearing too many clothes, but with the heat from outside it was impossible.

That is why autumn remained her favourite season. She grabbed the shorts and picked a shirt, of a dusky grey colour with blue "Queen Tour '80" writings on it.

Mars put on her colorful socks and white nikes, and finally left the room, noticing on the way that the house was empty.

She saw Rose at the entrance of The Palace. Rose was in a pink dress with green leafs on it that always reminded Mars about the one she had in childhood. Rose was the only one who would play with Mars at the playground when they were six. And throughout her life they spent more time together, went to the same school and eventually met Nancy. Ever since they have been hanging out together.

However, Nancy was working as an intern now at the Hawkins Post with her boyfriend, Jonathan, and that often restricted them from seeing each other.

"Wow, Ms. Alwaysbusy showed up!" Rose waved with an ice cream in one hand and hugged Mars.

"Shut up, Rose." She hugged her tightly. Rose was lucky, she has been accepted to the university and was going to move to another state by the end of summer.

"Spare me and get me out of this playground." Rose said looking back at the arcade which was already filled with kids. With the arrival of summer, the arcade opened from the early morning. Mars was sure, at this rate they would have to change working hours to 24/7.

Mars walked towards, suddenly stopping in her tracks when she noticed her little sister and some of her classmates among other kids. They gathered around a familiar girl who was playing Dig Dug. And apparently, she was good at it. Redhead. She felt even more confused than before and looked away.

"Okay, let's go to Starcourt. At least, I'll have Steve and Robin's ice cream, and not this." Mars pointed at the ice cream Rose was holding.

"Ugh, Steve and his stupid ego are too much for me to handle." Rose took her by the elbow and they walked along the streets laughing.

Once they arrived, they enjoyed some sweets and more ice creams, Mars clearly enjoyed Steve's attempts to joke, i.e. flirt with Rose.

"Now what's on the menu?" Rose asked.

"Me 'n u." Steve put the ice cream bowl on the table and sat down next to Mars and Robin.

"Harrington, I'll throw up if you keep making these jokes."

When the evening came, Rose suddenly suggested going to Nancy's, supposing she'd already be back from work. They spent the whole day shopping and just fooling around, and Nancy's house was closer, about 30 minutes by foot.

"Are you sure about that? We usually planned these things before meeting." Mars furrowed her eyebrows, she wasn't sure if it would be right to go there when Nancy's parents were at home.

Rose shrugged. "I am. Karen Wheeler adores us." If Rose had thought of something, then she was going to do that no matter what, there was nothing in the world that could stop her.

At half past seven they were standing in front of Wheelers' house, but before that they made sure to buy some sweets and beverages for a small sleepover. Mars and Rose stood at the threshold and Mars rang the bell.

Nancy was the one to open the door and though they saw each other recently, Mars noticed some colour brought back to her cheeks, Nancy looked better and it made her happy. After all, it wasn't for everyone to endure what had happened last year. Everything seemed to get back to normal.

"Girls?!" Nancy exclaimed.

"I bet you didn't expect us." Rose casually walked in and hugged her.

"But luckily we brought some food!" Mars showed the bag and joined them.

The rest of the evening went surprisingly fast. They changed into pyjamas that Mars and Rose had bought earlier at the mall and it seemed that they discussed everything that night. Mars missed these sleepovers, mostly because it made her feel a soft joy as it brought back the memories.

Nancy's father was probably sleeping on the couch when Mars went downstairs to get a glass of water. She heard his snoring while walking down the stairs. Nancy and Rose were already sleeping and Mars too was sleepy, but she would have been fully satisfied if she had the glass of water.

She suddenly felt a coldness reaching her bones, making her take a deep breath. Goosebumps ran all over exposed body as she looked up and discovered that the front door was wide open. She blinked a few times, guessing it was all a dream, she pinched her arm realising the door was indeed open and the house was silent.

Mars took a deep breath and stepped forward to close the door. Why was it even open? Did Mrs. Wheeler go for a walk? If not, then she distinctly remembered having closed the door as she'd came in after Rose.

Slowly approaching, she jumped up when she saw the silhouette of a man standing outside the Wheelers' threshold.

He was still wearing his blue jeans and black boots, the only thing that differed from the day before, was his red shirt unbuttoned almost till the last button and dark brown jacket on top of it.

"Hi," he looked her up, a wide smile plastered on his face, "...Mars."

She widened her eyes, staring at his unbothered physiognomy. "William?" She automatically uttered.

"Call me Billy." His gaze didn't hesitate when she met his eyes, and they stared at each other for a few seconds, until she took a step back all of a sudden. She wondered wouldn't have she survived if she didn't come for the damn water.

"What are you doing here?" She asked looking around, trying not to show her hesitation.

"Oh, I'm looking for my sister, Max. Mrs. Wheeler agreed to help me." He told her, his tone sounding completely nonchalant.

"Max? Max Mayfield?" She asked, suddenly all traces of sleepiness leaving her.

"I guess, I just found her then."

"No, no, she's not here. I'm just-" She quickly said, but immediately felt agitated when she noticed she couldn't finish the sentence. Luckily, she was interrupted by Karen's voice coming behind her.

"Oh, darling, aren't you cold? It's chilly here." She put her arm around Mars's shoulders.

"Um, yeah, I just came down for a glass of water." She mumbled, not knowing why she felt like explaining herself. "Goodnight." 

She turned around and quickly ran upstairs before they could say anything. Only she heard Billy's faint "Bye" and as she reached the second floor he was thanking Mrs. Wheeler for giving the address of Byers.

When Mars entered the room and closed the door behind her, she approached the window looking at the empty streets, and feeling odd. Somehow she was glad that the conversation with the stranger got interrupted, as she couldn't feel calm near him. After all, the conversation wouldn't have gotten any more interesting and he wouldn't have thought about her anyway, and although she was disappointed a bit for a reason that she didn't get to know more about him, she too wouldn't have thought about him.

After thinking a bit she realised it was too late and it was time for her to try to sleep. Meanwhile, after getting the address and smoking his red Marlboro leaning against his car, in the dim light of streets, Billy Hargrove was looking at her.

]]

tags: @gehrzilla @infinitelycharmed23​ @itsjusttaralove​ @tenderhornynihilist​

Tagging people who commented on the first chapter, if you want to be removed/added under next chapters, please let me know! Comment/reblog if you enjoyed. :) mmuah

[cherrywoes]

003 | CONTROL

“AND SHE ATTACKED YOU first?” the police officer inquired, his notepad barely much of note except for scribbles of your name, age, number, and a lawyer to contact if, god forbid, the girl pressed charges against you—because it was highly likely given your celebrity status and the man had seen more than enough lawsuits against people like you go horribly wrong. “With a bowl of soup and by yanking your hair, you said?”

“Yes,” you affirmed, side eyeing Iwaizumi Hajime giving his version to another officer who had arrived with the one interviewing you. A further look around the room revealed Yuuji’s girlfriend sitting at a table, holding a napkin and an ice pack to her nose, with aforementioned boyfriend comforting and doting over her, attempting to soothe her anger over a potentially broken bone. You would be surprised if it wasn’t at least fractured. “I didn’t even do anything to her; you can ask anyone here what happened.”

The officer nodded and wrote something else down. “And what is your relationship with the victim’s boyfriend?”

Victim? Gag me, you thought, eyebrows contorting into a barely concealed sneer. If anyone was the victim, it was your hair; you’d spotted more than a few [color] strands wrapped around that girl’s knuckles when she collapsed to the tile floor. Props to Yuuji for being more loyal to her than he had you, but he really knew how to pick them, didn’t he?

“He’s my ex-boyfriend. She was the one he cheated on me with, to put a long story short.” You watched the officer’s eyebrows raise as he continued to write down the basics. The press would have a field day with this one. “There’s plenty of backstory about that in the papers if you want to read more about it.”

You deceptively left out the fact that you’d retaliated by sleeping with the captain of his volleyball team at the time, Shinsuke Kita. He’d been surprisingly easy to convince, citing that it was only logical for you to want to get back at Yuuji by sleeping with the one person he probably respected more than anyone else on their team. Everything had been no strings attached with him for a while, and when you both became too busy to hook up on weekends you’d agreed to break it off cleanly and remain friends—it wasn’t like Kita was ridiculously hard to communicate with, unlike Yuuji. You half mindedly wondered if he was in the city or not around this time of year; he was probably dealing with the rice harvest right around now.

“Is there anyone to represent you in case a lawsuit is filed against you for damages?”

“Semi Eita.” 

The cop gave you yet another look before writing down the name.

Semi was Akaashi’s lawyer and therefore your lawyer. However, you had only met him a handful of times, and even then it was on the terms of strangers. He was the best lawyer in Tokyo and everyone knew it. If Yuuji’s girl wanted to try and pull a lawsuit over on you, she would have a nasty surprise coming her way.

“Alright, we’ll call you if anything comes up.” He tucked away the notepad and bowed his head to you. Then he stepped outside to make a call, leaving you to stand alone near the window. With no other option but to sit and wait for them to let you go, you sat down and unlocked your phone.

Surprise flickered over your face when, lo and behold, Oikawa Tooru’s name popped up in your new messages. Somehow between getting your hair pulled out and soup thrown at the back of your head, he’d messaged you and you hadn’t heard the notification over it. You debated if you wanted to answer it—or at the very least read it. He hadn’t said a word to you in over a month after flaking out on you for that shoot, leaving you with Ushijima (you weren’t sure if you felt lucky or cursed after that) in the process.

Before you could let your finger press down on the screen, Iwaizumi Hajime, the reason for you being there in the first place, walked over. The cop was seemingly done with him and had gone outside to speak with his associate, the two standing close and debating over something with someone on the phone—their supervisor, perhaps?—which left everyone in the small onigiri shop to wait for them to come back.

“So, I guess you’re wondering about Shittykawa too.” You blinked at his blunt tone, surprised as he slid into the booth across from you. Your water and onigiri lay abandoned on the table, still clean but your appetite not allowing for food. “He told me about you a lot. [Name] [Surname], right?”

“Yes, and wherever he is I’m going to kick his ass,” you deadpanned.

“Get in line.” Iwaizumi scowled. “I haven’t heard a word from him in over a month and then he texts me that everything’s fine. I’m assuming you got one too?”

“A bit ago, but…” You shrugged and inclined your head in Yuuji’s direction. “I was a little busy at the time.”

Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow. “Ah. Well, supposedly he’s fine so he should be back in Japan in a bit. Though I wouldn’t bet on him participating in any shoots afterwards though.”

“And why not?” You asked, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. You didn’t think you could deal with Ushijima, not again—you’d beg Akaashi to do it with you, especially after those infuriatingly confusing texts he’d sent you on your flight back. He’d probably need some gentle coaxing but you could probably get him to do it. “It’s not like he can just quit, Akaashi would kill him.”

Iwaizumi shrugged, as if saying ‘I don’t know’ and left it at that.

Before you could further interrogate him, the cops entered the shop again and gestured for you, Yuuji, and his girlfriend to go over to them. You flashed a quick wave to Iwaizumi, who nodded, and approached the cop. You kept a healthy distance from Yuuji’s girlfriend, conscious of your hair and the strands you were likely lacking at her hands, and set your gaze on the cop expectantly. You half expected a lawsuit at best, arrest of both of you at worst; just because they could, not that they had any reason to take both of you to prison.

“No charges are being pressed on either side,” the cop began as a starter. You figured Yuuji had a hand in that, otherwise she would be slapping you with a lawsuit before you could blink. “Miss Fujimura, you’ll be required to attend weekly therapy sessions as a result of an unfounded outburst of anger and cleared by a licensed therapist. Miss [Name], you are free to do as you please and may sue if you wish.”

You rolled your eyes. “I don’t need to sue her. But thanks.”

A few more moments of the cops speaking to the girl, Fujimura-san, and you were able to leave, finally. Iwaizumi exchanged numbers with you before you left, citing that you could trash talk Oikawa behind his back whenever he got back which you found hilarious and slightly touching. But of course, as all things did, it had to come to an abrupt end.

You should have known something bad would happen with the way your day had been going. It was almost like foreshadowing; you’d managed to weasel your way out of that one, but this one?

You were lucky to get out alive.

The gun against the man’s head was astonishingly real and very much loaded, judging by the click when the hammer pulled back. His eyes were wide, bloodshot, and he was sweating profusely, each droplet rolling down his face and landing on the expensive carpet. You swore if the man wouldn’t have been shot for crying, he would have been leaking giant alligator tears.

You weren’t the one holding the gun. It felt like you were.

You glanced at the back of Ushijima’s head, followed the silhouette of his arm and the hand that held the gun.

Where had it all gone wrong?

a/n: i struggled so much with this chapter it wasn’t even funny. that’s why it took so long for me to update it; i was never happy with it and this is how it turned out. i’m probably going to focus on waking up the devil mostly and then come back with fresh eyes. <3 check it out if you like oikawa!

                                                  MASTERLIST.

                        < PREVIOUS CHAPTER | NEXT CHAPTER >

                    taglist (open): @toaster-stick​ @katemocha​ @momowhoo​

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

thank you for coming up with that ship name, it's so pretty <3 Anyway have a Faywood HC: Penny crushes on Aurelie in the early years before slowly realizing that Aurelie doesn't appreciate her (I agree with you she was so shallow) and realizing Luca lied about the trinket when Aurelie has no memory of giving it to her. But she's not mad ofc, she's touched <333

...I don’t know what inspired me to write this. I don’t even particularly ship Luca with Penny in general, but I guess you caught me in the right mood, and I’ve enjoyed our back n forth, and somehow this just came spilling out of my fingertips. I hope you enjoy - 

Dear Jacob,

I’ve told you this before, no doubt, but I really dislike lying. Especially to friends. A first year could tell you as much, that it’s wrong to deceive the people you care about...and yet I’ve done it, time and again. I kept my misgivings about Rowan a secret and that led to us falling out for months. I had my reasons, and Rowan themself has even said they were understandable, but that fight was still my fault. But there have been other times as well. I lie to cover for Talbott and Chiara virtually any time I talk about them. And in those cases, I genuinely think I’m doing the right thing. That’s the trouble, lying sometimes feels like it would be the right thing to do, for the best outcome all around, so that's what I wind up doing. 

It’s what I did to Penny, when her pen-friend visited from France. I lied, more than once, to protect her feelings. First by keeping my suspicions quiet, and second by giving her that ornament “from Aurelie” when it was not, in fact, from Aurelie at all. Well, it was from her...to me. But it should have gone to Penny if you ask me, so it did go to her...from “Aurelie.” and by that I mean me. 

Of course, I was only a second year at the time and I didn’t really think it through. Didn’t have a contingency plan for getting caught in the lie, and I probably should have thought of that. For all I knew, Penny could have immediately written to her pen-friend to thank her. But it never came back to haunt me like lying to Rowan did, so with time, I mostly forgot about it. Until tonight.

I’m pacing around the Hufflepuff Basement, looking for a certain Mitten who is not yet awake for her breakfast. With term having ended and the winter holiday begun, most of our friends have left school. Most of us. Rowan’s sticking around and we’re making up for lost time, (not like Mum wants to see me anyway, apparently…) and Penny’s parents would have to drag her home in chains - she’s not about to leave Beatrice stranded for Christmas. So there aren’t too many people to ask about my cat’s whereabouts. 

Just as I’m thinking about leaving to search for her by the dungeons, in case she’s seeing Bitten, I hear a familiar “Mrooow…” from within the girl’s dormitory. Door isn’t shut, so I peer inside to see Mitten on the floor, rolling around with whatever stray object she has claimed ownership of this time. It’s blue and looks far too fragile for her to be batting it around, but that’s Mitten. In another moment, I blink and recognize it - Penny’s ornament. 

I’m about to step inside and extract the makeshift “toy” from Mitten’s hold, when I see that Penny is already there, sitting on her bed and watching the show. Okay, well, that’s good - at least playtime has permission this time. I still owe Diego a new Ballycastle Bats poster...and to this day, I have no idea how Mitten knocked it down from the wall to convert into a scratching post.

“Hope you’ve worked up an appetite.” I call out to Mitten gently, holding up her breakfast bowl and waving it slowly. Mitten looks up, and I swear her eyes dilate before she dashes over to circle me, mrowing up a storm. “Okay, okay, right here…” I lead her away from the ornament, setting the bowl down and rewarding her with head rubs as she chows down, before glancing back up at Penny. “Thanks for that.” I really owe her one for her patience. 

Penny stares back at me with an odd, misty look in her eyes. She doesn’t say anything at first, and I don’t press her too. These haven’t exactly been easy times for her, Jacob. For the past two weeks, someone - usually me or Tonks - has to gently tug her away from Bea’s portrait so that she doesn’t sleep there. It’s no exaggeration to say that she’s a wreck. Still, she’s been brewing a calming draught to help quell her nerves, and when she takes it, that does seem to help. I can’t tell if she took some last night or not (I camped with Rowan) so I slowly approach, keeping an eye on her. “Did you sleep okay?” 

Penny doesn’t answer, and I feel fear rising in my heart that she may have had another nightmare. Like most things, they aren’t as bad when she takes the calming potion, but they still happen from time to time. Yet when I study Penny’s face, she doesn’t look upset. Emotional, maybe, but...not upset. Sitting down next to her I notice she’s holding something in her hands - a letter, by the looks of it. With very fancy handwriting. Penny has lovely handwriting, nothing like your wild chicken scratch, but she didn’t write this. She must have received it. Trying not to pry, I keep my face level with hers, before she folds up the letter and sets it aside. 

“You know, three years ago.” She speaks softly, and turns to look at me. “You told me that the blue ornament was a gift from Aurelie.” I feel my heart skip a beat. An old lie resurfacing, one I haven’t thought about in ages, and now I’m caught with no excuses. Yet Penny, predictably, doesn’t appear to be angry with me. She doesn’t have a mean bone in her body. “But we’ve been trading letters, and she asked about you. Asked if you ever wear the robes she got you, or if you kept the trinket she gave you.” I...have never worn those robes in  my life, I’ve only just realized. Not even sure where they are. But never mind that, Penny’s frown is a gentle one. “Why did you tell me it was for me?” 

I bite my lip, feeling the back of my neck heat up and I’m not sure why. But no, it’s time to come clean. “Because...because it should have been.” Maybe I’ve matured, maybe things are just coming together, but my fifth year has really led to a lot of conversations that should have happened ages ago. Making up with Rowan, making up with Jae...Tulip and Merula finally made up this year, in a sense...and now there’s this. “I’m sorry Penny, I guess I just didn’t want to spoil anything for you. But I…” Slowly rubbing the back of my neck, why is my skin prickling so much? “I feel like Aurelie should have gotten something for you, not me. You’re the one she’s closer to, and you were the one she lied to, back then…” I hesitate from going any further. Whatever my feelings, I’m not going to bash someone she cares about. 

Penny is looking down, her hair falling in her face. Jacob, have I ever mentioned that she has the most intense case of bedhead that any human being has ever had before? We both agree Tonks’ would be worse if her hair was actually long, but it’s not, and Penny’s practically hidden by a straw nest by now. Which is why...damn, I’m not sure what makes me do it, but it’s not like we’ve never been affectionate before. Still, I don’t know why I decide to start pushing her hair out of her face, but that’s what I do. 

Looking at me, she shakes her head, taking my hands. “No no, I’m not upset with you Luca. I just didn’t understand.” For the first time, she laughs a little. That is a good sign - she’s definitely still medicating with the calming draught. “Thought I may have just badly needed some morning tea. No, I...appreciate it. A lot, actually.” Her eyes meet mine, and I don’t let go of her hands. “Aurelie and I haven’t been writing to each other as often these days, though that’s at least partially my fault. I haven’t had the energy to write to anyone these days.” 

“That isn’t your fault. None of this is your fault.” I try to comfort her, but it’s never easy. There’s nothing that can be said to fix her situation, no spell to be cast. We simply have to break the curse - but we’ve done it before, and we’ll do it again. “You’re doing your best, and whatever that is right now, it’s enough.” I promise her. The room falls silent, except for the soft sounds of Mitten munching on her breakfast nearby. 

Penny shuts her eyes for a second and takes a deep breath. “I hope that’s true. It’s taken me awhile to realize it but, even when I give everything I have, people don’t always give the same amount back.” My stomach twists slightly. If she’s talking about Aurelie, I’m hesitant to agree even now, though of course I do...maybe I just need to listen and let her get this off her chest. I’m not sure. “I know that no one is required to give any amount of effort, but sometimes you-you’re led to believe they will, or that they want to, and...oh, I don’t know. Maybe she and I are simply growing apart. Maybe we’ve grown into different people. I’m certainly not the same.” 

“No, you’re wiser than you used to be,” I respond softly, squeezing her hands. “You’ve seen more of the world and not all of it is nice, but you still see the nice things. You ARE one of the nice things. Now, I haven’t talked to Aurelie in years, so, it’s probably not fair for me to make judgements, but...if she’s taking you for granted, she definitely hasn’t grown any wiser.” I had to hold myself back from saying that she was “still” taking Penny for granted, but it’s true. 

Penny sniffs. I don’t think she’s going to cry, but she’s usually closer to breakdowns than even I am these days. Bowing her head, she lets our foreheads nudge together and with no real rhyme or reason, we just stay like that for a while, still with our hands clasped. “Thanks Luca…” She finally whispers, sniffling again before sitting up more. Lifting her arms, I feel her cup my face, feel lips brush my forehead. After another moment’s pause, she sighs. “I need to start getting ready for my day, or I’ll lose my mind...am I keeping you from anything, or can you stay…?” 

I nod, knowing full well that Penny’s morning schedule lasts an hour at least. “I’ll be here.” 

Love, Luca