#i have been using photoshop for nothing special these days so why not do this

[sisterdivinium]

WARRIOR NUN - where first we meet, where last we part

[barbiexgirl]

Anorexia is the patriarchy’s perfect way to make you lobotomize yourself.

It puts the blame on you, you’re weak for letting the standards break you and you’re doing it to yourself. No one forced you to starve right? Those beauty standards are coming back for a reason. If this is your first run with eating disorders let me tell you you’re just as lifeless as a woman who went through lobotomy. I wasn’t able to study, I lost all my friends and I wasn’t able to enjoy a single thing in life. I was full of rage and hatred towards the world and myself but nothing else.

I struggled my whole life, thanks to my mom I got the “Eastern European special” growing up. I developed anorexia when I was 11.

“I wish you had your dad’s blond hair and blue eyes like your sister. You should dye your hair. You look better than your other sister tho, she just looks too much like her dad. (She has a different dad.)”

“Your sister is so much taller than you.”

“I was only 45kgs when I was pregnant with you.”

“YOU BETTER EAT SOMETHING, WHAT ARE PEOPLE GOING TO SAY ABOUT ME IF YOU DIE YOU STUPID BITCH???”

Girlie even kept the receipts, and showed me that she really was that thin. She ate less than what a toddler needs her whole life, she wrecked her hormones and her body by the time she was 45 and let me tell you she didn’t stay beautiful. This “slavic doll” trend is disgusting and it actually ages you rapidly. Kids who follow this new pro ana content are obliviously just as troubled as I was but god you really don’t want to grow up with these standards. Not like patriarchy spares you but a mom like this is just an added bonus on the mental illness lottery. We did the same thing with kpop idols but they’re abused as well to look like that. Funny how the inspiration always comes from countries like South Korea or Eastern Europe where patriarchy is absolutely thriving.

It’s all fun and games until your hair is falling out in chunks or you’re still doing this at 25. Your body just doesn’t take it as easy at it used to. When I recovered this time stomach acid burnt my throat and my vocal cords when I started eating, I wasn’t able to talk for days.

Back when I was still in my teens I never understood why older women just “get ugly as time goes on” and I promised myself that I’d “never let myself go.” Now that I’ve been recovered for a few months again I see that they’re not getting ugly, they were never ugly. They just know something you don’t. That you are so much more than your beauty, “beauty” that’s not even real. It’s all photoshop and botox and plastic surgery. Your body’s main job is to keep you alive to be able to ACTUALLY LIVE YOUR LIFE. To eat healthy food, to have fun with your friends, to study, to be a smart woman who knows herself to the core and doesn’t let stupid ideas break her.

[fanofseabassanddorito]

Dear Chris Evans,

I’ve waited and watched. I’ve gone back and forth with Real vs PR. I’m just a fan, of your work, but I also because of what you seemed to stand for and acted like a real person. I think I’m done now.

There has been questionable ‘sightings’ even though you claim to want to be private. Your friends and hers have posted the two of you. You have posted her twice yourself. But then you seem to hide her. That isn’t a good look. If you are in love with someone, you don’t hide them because you want to be private yet leak photos and hints to keep your fans spiraling when you know how some can be.

We all know celebrities use social media for what they WANT fans to see. Why? Because they want privacy, as they should, to separate their work world from real life. I completely agree with doing so, BUT I don’t agree with going back and forth. You owe fans nothing except maybe the respect that goes both ways. After all, your fans have been the reason you have your paychecks. I think we deserve a little bit of respect not to be played by what you say in interviews vs. what you show yourself to be through your actions.

There are so many examples of couples being private but NOT hiding significant others like they are embarrassed to be seen. A real private couple does things together but do not post montages on their socials, like scare videos and couples pictures. People do not call paparazzi unless they want to be seen. A real private couple does still go to things together, they don’t hide but they don’t bring attention to themselves. Real private couples do not let things drop during a special date for something else. One example, the NYC pap walk on the day that Warrior Nun season 2 dropped right after SMA.

Tabloids run on things they are given. There have been more articles about you and this girl than Harry and Meghan, Jennifer and Ben, etc., etc., etc. your reps have never confirmed anything. IMDb does not list her as your wife. Your mother liked a tweet about the girl being racist.

I had no issues at first, thinking you wanted privacy, which I thought was a great idea, given your fandom. I gave you the benefit of the doubt for a good while. But then it seemed like her friends and yours, her mom, along with the likes on IG, proved this isn’t private. Certain social media sites have been the only ones to randomly get these pictures that are nowhere to be found. It’s only a few, and they usually come at specific times when there is doubt. Friends posted from Lisbon, Avengers in MA, and the wedding rumors began. I’m sorry, but when there is an NDA, then the wedding news should not have leaked because the NDA would cover that. And if you have to ask people to turn in their phones to attend, that’s rude and you’ve invited people you don’t trust.

Showing up to a convention, with a ring on but you can’t say her name. Just ‘Go Portugal!’ And then go on about Dodger.

Let’s not even get into photoshopped or not photoshopped because I don’t even know anymore.

I could go on and on but it saddens me. I cannot be a fan of someone just because of their projects, and that’s just me. I have kept quiet, because it’s none of my business what you do with your life. What is my business though, is who I give my hard earned money to. Barely getting by on what I make, medications and food for my kids continue to rise in cost, but they also enjoy Captain America because he seemed like a good guy in real life too. Now they come to me with things they’ve seen online like Captain America’s new wife nude in the shower. They have seen people posting about her friends and their previous tweets, and things they’ve said. Why? Because you have played games with your fandom and they got pissed and exposed things. Let’s be honest, kids get online and see things even if they aren’t supposed to. Luckily they didn’t see your ‘slip’ up, because your fans cleaned that for you quickly, but the shower pictures continue to be passed around. They also said in some of the pictures they saw you post that they thought you had a daughter but found out it was your girlfriend.

I would make sure you don’t have any more slip ups because I feel like your fans are limited at this point. The ones that see your work the day it comes out. That’s one reason why Ghosted flopped. Before this, your fans would have said you did wonderful even if you didn’t.

After the new picture of the two of you at the Globes after party, I CHOOSE to not be a fan and hand you my money. I know it isn’t much, but I will choose to spend it on a different movie or person at a convention. Maybe I just won’t have a favorite anymore because it seems like a lot just tell fans what they want to hear.

I don’t know if it’s Real or PR and don’t care but it’s the game you seem to be playing that I don’t like. I don’t care what people think of my opinion and have not posted anything about a side. I just know you look like such a hypocrite and lose fans by the hour now. So many blogs and pages that are team PR or Team Real and they argue over who is right and wrong, because you and everyone around you are playing with them. You are using them for free publicity and that is sickening. I didn’t believe it was happening and you were just trying to protect your love life. But, eventually, it was just so obvious with the tiniest bit of things creeping in on the same sites and coincidences on dates. Mostly, I just don’t want to watch all the drama that has become part of being your fan. I like to escape the real world by looking at my favorite celebrities and what they are up to or their movies etc. I don’t want to see the gross mess you have become. She looks like your daughter, so I choose to leave. You don’t know me or care because I’m just one fan, but I do know who you want people to see you as now and I don’t like this version. Be private or just don’t hide. Look happy, not miserable. Treat her like your love and wife, because I would never allow my boyfriend/husband treat me the way it appears you are treating her. To the public, she looks like a mail order bride that jumps as soon as you tell her too. It’s gross.

So, it’s been a long, fun ride being your fan until now. Enjoy traveling back and forth and wear sunscreen to the beach, because boy are you white. Research the word ‘privacy’ and maybe get those NDA’s to the people leaking things if you want privacy or take their phones from them when they are in your proximity. Invest in energy drinks next, she’s a lot younger and likes to travel and have sex (maybe check out her soft porn). Let Buddah know she did a film with a demon having sex with her. Maybe purchase a plane and get a pilots license, because older dogs don’t travel as well as they age and that’s a long ride to Portugal. Remind your wife to keep her clothes on and keep your 🍆 in your pants because I think Team Real is even over this mess and don’t want to see it. Thanks for the laughs and smiles over the years. I wish you luck and hope you’re happier than you actually look.

Sincerely,

An Ex-Fan of Christopher Robert Evans

[respectthepetty]

Pride Petty Watch (SOTUS) 3/5

I'm making my way through the blacklisted shows I was supposed to watch during Pride. I already watched Love in the Air but paused The Untamed so I could deal with my sworn enemy, SOTUS. I'm watching it in five parts (first, second), so now I'm starting on episode seven and have decided 1) Kongpob x M are the perfect ghost ship, 2) this show feels much older than 2016 due to the language and style, and 3) this is a story of a masochistic dom looking for a sado sub.

Since I can't remember anything about this show, I'm actually excited to see all the ways Kong seeks out punishment warmth from P'Oon in the second half of this series.

Prem and Wad aren't going to be a couple, are they? I want them to be because Prem going instantly soft after they fought another faculty together and now being worried about Wad's wounds is the whole purpose for men to fight! Punch each other, then kiss the bruises!

I have no Photoshop skills, so I would never criticize someone else's work, but there are times when I see that this show was made with a budget consisting of two pennies rubbed together, and this is one of those moments because who added those people into the scene?! And why are they layered ON TOP of each other?!

For the people who hated Tae and Mee in The Trainee and the sports day episode in The On1y One, those people would be pissed watching episode seven of SOTUS because it's focused on the hets, capturing the flag, and nothing else. Someone could've at least passed out on that field, so this could be entertaining for me and the juniors, damn.

The man who played Deer has only acted in one other show, and I'm mad about it. The fact that a senior has to be on that field to answer these ridiculous questions from the freshmen is nonsense, but at least I get to see this man with his gorgeous hair.

Arthit says everything to Kong in the gayest way possible in front of all his homies and God without any sense of irony.

And Kong matches that energy every damn time! I'm already sick of them.

Forming a circle around Arthit to say thanks is kinda creepy to me, which is why it makes perfect sense that this was Kong's idea since these two continue to declare their love for each other indirectly while making everyone within two miles witness.

But this moment reminded me of Lisa's "Rockstar" music video, so Thailand stays consistent.

Kong is begging to be punished! Asking Arthit if anyone else knows he cries and likes pink milk is not small talk, and I know Kong just wants to feel like the most special boy for knowing all of this, but I also fully believe he wants Arthit to slap him.

M came on this trip so he could make heart eyes at Kong, and I will not be convinced otherwise. If I forget May exists, my ship is untouchable. M loves Kong, and it's canon to me.

Arthit is a Ken! He made all the boys go out to the water, so he could make the girls listen to him play a song on the beach. Someone needs to ask Greta Gerwig if she has watched SOTUS. Greta, if you're in the room with us right now, blink twice.

"If I tell you to die, will you do it?" YES! What the hell do you think this kid has been trying to tell you?! He wants you to choke him? He wants you to slap him? He has been instigating a fight with you since the first day because he wants your hands on him in the most violent ways. Baby is a masochist and needs to be kept!

I stand by the claim I made in an earlier post that the crew doesn't seem to like Krist because these title cards in-between parts of the episode do him sooooo dirty. There is no need for this to be the image, but here we are. This is rude.

I could never hate M. He is so kind and so dumb. I love those qualities in men.

And I love these qualities in women! (Sidenote: Let Jan kiss more homies, GMMTV!)

GMMTV's 2024 Outing, is that you player?

Since Love Sick and Addicted Heroin have been remade, when SOTUS is remade, M and Kong should be the main couple, and May should ship them while also trying to date Prae. Friends-to-Lovers, fifteen episodes, and make New and Singto play the characters again.

This is the biggest "hell nah" from me because I would not have that many people WALKING ON ME barefoot as some form of initiation. Walking on people is reserved for sex stuff! Just walking on people to walk on people is not normal, and should stop immediately!

I can see the wheels spinning in Arthit's head, but the pieces are not connecting for him. Your man likes when you yell at him. Kong likes when you get upset at him. The kid likes pushing your buttons because then he gets all your attention. Now say it with me, "Kong is a masochist"

Kong is practically begging to be slapped, and if Arthit doesn't do it soon, I will.

This scene hit me so hard I had to pause because it woke me up like I was sleeper agent. I NOW REMEMBER THIS SHOW! Nine episodes in and I finally remember this damn show!

I am white-knuckling my way though this show now because Kong is dressed for a date, Arthit is late and looking like a mess, and Kong is telling Arthit he will do whatever Arthit wants him to, he will like anything Arthit wants him to like, and he will be anything Arthit wants him to be. I do not know how Arthit is experiencing all that Kong is throwing at him, and not realizing that Kong wants to be his pet.

"Call Me by My Name Number: A Boy's Journey to Become a Pet" Where's Mame when you need her?

And now Kong is eating a meal he didn't want, AGAIN, simply because Arthit told him to eat it! I'm not even joking anymore; this shit is kinky, and in this exact moment, I don't hate this show solely because of this reason.

Fuck going to sleep! I'm staying up and watching episode ten, NOW!

[bookishtheaterlover7]

Albitch Ring Rant Post Part 2

Since I'm in a bad mood for whatever fucking reason, also Tumblr won't let me post Princess's ask, that's an actual cold hard truth, Imma do this instead 😁

And we already sound crazy already. So, let's drag this pretentious slut again, shall we..? Oh, and special thanks to 👸 for being bored, and once again bringing me stuff to fucking destroy this bitch with 🫶

So, remember when the timeline they made didn't make sense? Yeah, it'll continue to do so. Because her fan page posted this, four days ago.

Now, I don't really care what this bitch does, as long as she doesn't make Chris look bad, in which case... LEMME AT HER!!! But if this is July 2020... Chris ain't there with her at all. Considering he was with Lily James in London! Remember that? Seemed like forever ago 😅

So, if they're claiming something about the timeline in July 2020... They're fucking lying 🙄 again

Let's travel a little forward in time to yesterday 😁

So, we all saw Albitch rocking the dullest and most cheap ass ring you've ever seen, right? It gets worse much worse.

Justin LD(lyme diseased) posted a shit ton of pics with Albitch. And that ring honestly looks even duller and pathetic in those, more than anything.

And we all know Albitch and Chris have zero chemistry whatsoever, props goes to the top comment on the post because it's so true, and sparked my belief that the bitch is sleeping with Justin 🤭

And I honestly agree with the commenter at the top. They do look good together.

They both look equally perfectly AWFUL on the red carpet 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

WTF is with the head tilt?! It stopped being cute 3000 articles ago, Albitch! And this isn't a prom! Why do those two look like they're taking prom pics?!

And bonus, if you look at this photo of LD story, Albitch looks like a horror movie ghost who does the jumpscares

I see no difference 🤭🫣

Let's go back to the ring.

Someone posted on here a few weeks to months ago, that Chris was engaged during August...

See the problem with that timeline is that Albitch posted more pics with LD, and she was most definitely not wearing a ring then 👀

Jump back to the present.

Imma go back to her solo pics again. We've all seen them, no need to reiterate, see the thing is, for some reason, another fan page of hers got a more HD and clear photo of the ring...

How in the hell did they get that?! But not her Agency 👀

This is the part where I call two rings, and she used Photoshop again!

And can y'all stop saying that her ring is gold, it clearly fucking isn't!!! Unless y'all are colorblind that's white gold or silver!

Now, as for the two rings the one in the picture we saw is definitely not that one.

That ring still looks silver or white gold, but has a round stone with nothing surrounding it, and is dull compared to everything else she's wearing. Meanwhile the new pic, square stone, with stones on the band...

This is where I call BULLSHIT

Those two pictures look as different as Chris does in the Lisbon old-new photos! So, in conclusion, somebody photoshopped it in, and chose a completely different equally cheap ring, and made it shiny 😒

Seriously, this is getting tired, and I'm sorry but Albitch and her entourage of wannabe influencers should just quit.

No one will believe her because she's been lying from the get go. Aside from that, if she and Chris are real, it means she's been openly cheating on him since before they were ever official. And Chris flirts with women, and tells the whole world he's single, and looking for a serious partner.

Again, at this point, Dodger and the kids are the only innocents. Who need to be protected from all this. Because another bomb will drop, and we will lose more of the Fandom than we did when NYCC happened. 😞

Albitch Ring Rant Post Part 1

[sollucets]

beloveds @khaotunq, @pranink & @alexshenry tagged me to do:

every month of 2023! list your favorite/most popular gifset for each month.

i started making gifs in march this year, so january/february are off the table for this. it's funny that it hasn't even been a full year yet. it seems both somehow a lot longer and also like i remain some kind of photoshop baby at the same time. the images in this post will remain undescribed until i have some energy in my failing body, unfortunately

in any case:

march: midnight museum invades all 2 of my braincells. i download photoshop. the end is nigh

most popular: msp/eclipse pool parallel set

favorite: the bams i made for sof

(notes: it's hard to look back at these lmao. what is coloring and why don't i know her. why is everything so dark. who told me to use noise dithering and why did i ever think that was a good idea. anyway)

april: the eighth sense is airing! i meet many mutuals and friends. i figure out about the curves tool (thank god)

most popular: taehyung getting dunked on

(very deserved dunk; very bad set. the coloring of this scene was extremely questionable and i did nothing to fix it it looks so dull and gray. augh)

favorite: feet lining up / jihyun & jaewon on the beach

i really like this coloring actually. it's bright enough to actually see them, their skin doesn't look as weird, and i like the soft pink i made the beach. a win for baby photoshop user rowan

may: the purple is in full swing now

most popular: purple yok

first set to cross 1k! the purple is still very good but in hindsight there are things i now know i couldve done to help his skin. in any case. a banger. beloved

favorite: pink our skyy 2 hands set

[through tears] you're my space. also my first try at typography

june: i lose the will to gif some in the back half of this month, but i also learn to do a Lot of new things, like gradient maps & more complicated typography and transitions and such

most popular: puzzle piece hugs!

deserved! hard to gif and fun to look at

favorite: i think it might be the heartliming i made for vi now! but i still like khathadome from eden too.

july: i try giffing a few different shows. the only friends trailer comes out on the last day and i enter some kind of terrifying fugue state

most popular: sand and ray fighting / crying in the ofts trailer

do you guys remember the trailer 1080p? life was so good

favorite: nobody appreciates my ride enough

august: only friends airs, eclipse anniversary is concurrent, i lose my mind. i also learn to use the method of brightening that i still use & several other fundamental gif tricks

most popular: sandray car makeout

good for them! i start using significant grain on my ofts gifs from here on out and can never decide how i feel about that

favorite: orange/blue eclipse episode seven set

september: the madness continues

most popular: sand cooking for ray / special

ive giffed this scene three times and this is my least favorite coloring but what can you do. this is my third post to cross 1k

favorite: new rules set! i had mixed feelings when i posted it but it's really grown on me.

october: the madness is so much worse. only friends ends and i am left near-catatonic immediately, apparently. also, i learn to blend and use overlays and some other cool things. i join userdramas :'>

most popular: raysand afterglow. as it should be. cheek kissie

favorite: space girl!! show me the stars!!!

loved making this. purple and sparkly and gay. still super proud. that said other runner-up favorites in october are ray's o-face & the boyfriend shirt & akkaye's thumb thing collection

november: i am left cavernously empty after ofts ends and i fill the void with namtan

most popular: last twilight episode one porjai

she <3

favorite: gaipa userdramas set

again, i learned to use musescore for this set just so i could have those pretty notes. :')

december: i am punched in the face by seasonal depression. all is not well. i made just one gifset this month, but at least it was good? :')

and here we are today !! it was very fun to look over everything; thanks so much for playing and have a happy new year everyone

[allycat75]

I hope one day you can tell your story, Boston Dumb Fuck.

The weight of what you have been carrying is more than one being is meant to carry and it shows everywhere you look. You deserve to share your burden as part of your growth and healing. And when you do, may I suggest the book title:

Desperation, Lies, Hypocrisy and Nicotine: The Smell of a Decaying Soul and How I Faught To Recover It From the Clutches of Hollywood

Chapters could include:

I Hate Myself

Shushing My Way Into a Corner

White Privledge and the Illusion of Invincibility

A Monkey's Paw Sort of Situation

Training to Prepare for the Mental Gymnastics Championships

Dissociation 101- Dead Eyes With a 1000 Yard Stare and a Handler's Programing for Automation

Wear Your Masks, Boys and Girls

True Romance and a Sprint Through Central Park

All At Once I Knew I Was Not Magnificent- A Slight Breeze As Some of My Soul Begins Its Escape

Fake Jump Scares and Senior-wear Chic; alternative- A Revocation of Sexiest Man Alive

I Love Love So Much I Made It a Joke and Now Nothing Will Ever Be Special and I Ruined Every Holiday Forever

How To Shower on a Budget- Wash Your Body, Hair and Clothes with Pantine; alternative- When Your Team Has an Ulterior Motive, They Don't Put a Morality Clause or Success Metrics into the Contract

Private Planes, First Class Seats, Economy Class and Invisible Luggage

I Am No Feminist, I Am Not Righteous, I Am Not a Woke Political Avenger

I Am, However, An Alone Guy Whose Dog Is My Soulmate

But I'm Going To Be A Happy Idiot- Now I Feel the Heavy Weight of Missing Part of My Soul

So I Kinda, Sorta Married an Arrogant, Immature, Selfish, Vapid, Racist, Antisemetic, Fatshaming Clout Chaser and Now I Am One Too (So Much Better Than a Fuckboi, Right?)

Maybe I Can Hide in the Woods, Smoke Weed, Make Pottery and Gaze at Trees (Dissociation 102)- Subtitle: Did I Really Wear a Medical Mesh Tank for a Complicit Magazine's Photoshoot?

My Fans Are the Crazy and Jealous Ones; Too Bad They're Not Stupid to Believe the Lies and Peace-out'd on Me

Is It Live or Is It (Bad) Photoshop?

Education is Sexy and Geography is Fun

Waiting In a Poorly Lit Basement Room of The Flatiron Building at Christmas With a Deck of Cards and a Coloring Book For the Wifey, While the Real A-listers Have Fun Upstairs; alternative- How I Jeopardized the Marriage of a Good Friend and Why She (Rightfully So) Hates Me (And Who Else I Have Used For this Unsuccessful Farce)

Still Trying To Shove ASP As A Good Idea While Democracy Burns, Probably Because Jinx Doesn't Want Me

What Would It Be Like to Be Tracee Ellis Ross's Personal Trainer Instead of Me Right Now?

5 Or 7 Rings to Rule Them All (And None of Them Fit)

So The Soul Is Gone and I Feel Nothing But Fear in a Pit of Despair (Hint- Stop Digging Straight Down)

Loitering In Front of An Oscar Party to Be Dragged Incognito With the Fake Wifey While the Real A-listers Party Inside

I Got 2 Razzie Nominations and RDJ Got An Oscar- Guess I Know Who Won "Civil War"

I Turned My Back on Everything I Believed In and All I Got Was a Black Audi (I'm assuming they gave you a car as part of the new endorsement deal and you always seem to get them in black)

Promised More Challenging Roles; Instead Got to Play the Worst Version of Myself for Over Two Years Until All Good Parts Passed Me By; alternative- It's As If My Team is Corrupt and/or Incompetent and Either Had It Out For Me or Felt I Was an Expendable Pawn

How Do I Build Back an Authentic Life From Scratch When I'm Not Sure Who I Was To Begin With and Don't Know Who I Want To Be; alternative- Decide What to Be and Go Be It

and the rest is still unwritten...

[pleb-the-original]

Day 30: Create Your Own Cryptid

(so, this one I knew right from the start who would star. I've had an idea for a long time now about this little cryptid named bloodlust who actually went onto forums discussing him and using their belief to game the system and grant him new abilities. this is the moment where he finally lets them in on his little secret) lookout> anyone gotten anything recently? I’ve heard he’s been in the west coast area tracker> you talking about the new sequoia footage? lookout> yep. tracker> nothing yet on my end User San has joined! lookout> oh hey. newbie. San> Hello. A friend told me you guys specialized in cryptids? lookout> just the one. we ain’t exactly bigfoot hunters here. tracker> remember that one guy who tried to send in that photoshop of bloodlust with bigfoot? lookout> oh yeah that guy. literally made an account just to show off his art and claimed it was real. San> What happened to him? lookout> ban. San> Yikes. Anyways, what did you guys call him? lookout> bloodlust. tracker> yeah it sounds stupid, but that’s what he wants to call himself San> And you guys are okay with that name? lookout> sure. better than being called the Holloway monster or something like that. San> I guess that makes sense. Anyways, I came here because I was told that you guys could help out with identifying this thing I saw? tracker> better not be another photoshop. San> Don’t worry, it's some footage from my doorbell cam. San> september21.mp4 lookout> well, that’s tracker> he cleared out a whole raccoon den? San> The weird thing however is that when I went out to check when I woke up, the bodies were gone. There were traces of blood everywhere but it was just scraps. lookout> man tracker> good footage. clear angles and everything San> Thank you. lookout> it’ll take a bit to be verified. but I think this is front page material. tracker> better than the sequoia footage. San> Really?

lookout> yeah. almost made us think it was an actual amateur sighting San> What does that mean? tracker> wait, you really think? lookout> yep. I mean come on, this footage is perfect, too perfect. its at a perfect angle with every body in frame and of course the main attraction himself placed dead set in the middle. San> What are you getting at here? lookout> i’ve been modding this place for a long time. do you know how often we seem to get new members popping in and out of the forums leaving behind tiny pieces of evidence? tracker> oh great, he’s going off about his theory again San> Theory? tracker> his stupid idea that every new person that joins the forum is actually bloodlust himself in disguise using stolen phones. conspiracy much? besides, he’s a cryptid. i get that they’re smarter than normal animals but not that smart. lookout> But it just doesn’t make sense! tracker> give it up already. you’re gonna scare the newbie away. lookout> his name is literally San. as in SANGUINE tracker> touch grass. that isn’t even a real word tracker> look kid, I don’t know what he’s on about but trust me. everyone else isn’t like that San> Well that’s a shame. tracker> what? why San> he’s been the only one out of all of you to actually figure me out tracker> no lookout> wait, is that actually San> He even got the name reference right. I thought after finding that word that using it would be too obvious. But this has been a fun game nevertheless. lookout> HOLY SHIT tracker> no, it’s gotta be a bit. it has too San> Are you sure? lookout> Ok ok, if that is really you, then find me. I’ll send you my address in dms rq. tracker> dude, this is how you get scammed. San> Alright. tracker> come on guys, this is insane tracker> guys tracker> well don’t say I didn’t warn you lookout> he’s outside. tracker> what lookout> he is waving from outside my backyard tracker> no, you live in the midwest, he couldn’t have lookout> I dunno man, heard he has connection with demons tracker> ok, then send some real proof lookout> 478669856875.png tracker> did tracker> did you just take a selfie with the cryptid we’ve been tracking lookout> I have a name you know. tracker> bloodlust? lookout> In the scales. Glad to finally be able to meet one of my fans in real life. I’ve been following this place for a long time. Now that someone has finally pulled the curtain out, how about I do you all a favor. Lookout here will set up a Q&A for me later. A grand prize. tracker> wow. lookout> And honestly tracker, I’ve gotta thank you personally. It was your deductive skills that granted me my wings. tracker> wait, how? lookout> Save it for later. It’s a good story. Now then, lookout here says he’s got a spare cat bed I could use. I bid you all adieu until tomorrow. User lookout has logged off

[masterandapprentice]

Devil's advocates

They say, out there, that even the devil himself needs help from time to time.

However, it's not just any kind of help, it needs to come from some special source, from someone who has enough power and understanding to know what kind of things they are going to get into. And of course, he must have the guarantee that, regardless of the matter, he will always win.

The requirements that can lead to hell for anyone who dares to work for him, but just as life is a risk, so it is the opposite side of it.

“My team is highly qualified to quickly take any job assigned to them. Once we take it, there's no going back."

Jinki, the leader of SHINee's firm, fully trusts his partners. Fifteen years of experience support them, and in all that time, among their thousands of cases, there has only been one that they could not win, with the only client with whom you will never be able to obtain what you are looking for.

Kibum refuses to talk about it, despite being in charge of giving the firm a voice, but not because he believes that it will tarnish their reputation. No. It was just a difficult case that didn't end the way he planned. And that is more frustrating than many can actually think.

“We can get the information from anyone and anywhere. It is not a problem."

Taemin boasts of his ability to find the lost things and execute the plans that Kibum dictates; That boy, the youngest in the firm, is quite a special case: he can find anything from anyone, but when it comes to his own things that he himself loses, there is nothing to do. Perhaps that is why the firm holds it to the highest standards to get things done by any means.

And when the time comes to things to escalate and action is required, Minho is the best in his range to carry out the actions that are needed. By good or by force. For Choi Minho there is no other option, the intelligence of his movements combined with his military physique leaves no doubt that he has rarely had to use that force for the case to continue its course smoothly.

And since behind every great team there is a great base, Jonghyun has everything on his side. It has been some time since he became discreet, silent and keeping a low profile since he is almost never seen and his office is in the highest and most restricted part of the entire building, however, it is the foundation of the firm: by his hands -and prodigiously mind- he passes all the cases that are received, patiently reads them, breaks them down and turns them into the stories that are told for each case and for each person.

Without it, the team would simply be lost, and they wouldn't know where to start or where to go.

“Without night there would be no day, without silence there would be no noise. Everything is a cycle and Jonghyun understands it. We also understood it."

"And what are your fees?" The devil himself must ask the question, because he knows in advance that everything has a price, even for him.

“Regardless of the case, the team will always work together. We don't fire anyone, we don't replace anyone, and no one takes a case for themselves. We can act individually, but in the end, it all comes together with us. If one works, we all work. And even if we lose, the guarantee is the team itself. We all accept that clause."

“The devil just looks at Jinki and smiles.

“A deadly fair deal.”

-----------------------------------------

This is not a fic, just a small text I got inspired to write while working on the images :) The idea was only to edit the images with the Photoshop beta version that works with AI (pretty good actually, I like it!), I was just playing a little with the edits ahaha, but hope you all like them :)

[weed-ols]

Reviewing Every UKISS Release: By Unpopular Demand ~ BREAK TIME

Well, we're here, at the end of an era, the last album featuring Kibum, and the last album Xander did before rejoining 12 years later. I remember being absolutely obsessed with the choreo as a wee little tweenie, while also having the sense to be a little embarrassed by the lyrics.

BREAK TIME - 4th Mini Album | 2010.10.04

So this release absolutely changed my tweenage brain chemistry in a way I can't fully explain. Maybe it was the song, maybe the lyrics, maybe the MV, maybe the fantastic choice to just style them in suits, I don't know, but tweenie me was so down for this. Still fairly normal about them though.

And first, before anything else, can we all just appreciate how bad this cover is? Like it's so fake-looking that Xander looks like he's been photoshopped in, and they look like they're just standing with a green screen (which is probably it). NH is nothing if not consistent in being low budget.

Anyway, this little spiel pertains less to the actual album and their activities at the time, and more about the behind the scenes stuff. So for Hoon's birthday livestream, he had Xander as his special guest, and we learn some real foul stuff about NH. Hoon was brought in roughly around this release, give or take some, and Xander was put in charge of teaching him all the songs and dances. Now Hoon was under the impression he was just a new addition, but Xander already knew he was out. Again, I'll see you in hell, NH.

So some idle thoughts that have arisen from this - did the others also think Hoon was joining them as an addition? Is that why Kibum was moved to the rap line for this release? Were they under the same assumption with AJ, or did they not know about him joining them? I feel like some of this has been said before, so maybe one day I'll do a real deep dig to try to find something on this.

Intro (Before Yesterday) | YouTube Music 209k | Spotify 22k

This intro is so good they falsely promised us a full version

"More than present/Mordney present" iconic

Love the lowkey chill vibes and the always-wonderful Soohyun/Kevin duet

That last "meolli wasseo" Kevin does? Incredible

"Yeah girl" Eli makes me chortle all the time

I never listened to intros as a kid, but this one had me by the jugular

To go from this right into Shut Up!! is so good, what a change in tone

8.75/10 I still have the faintest hope that one day we'll get the full version

Shut Up!! (Audio) | YouTube Music 5.6M | Spotify 534k

"This is more than present/mordney present" I always laugh at this it's so good

You know it's gonna be a banger when you hear that

Having Dongho, the babiest of babies with babyfaces, do the oppa parts is so iconic

"Girl you're pissin me off" if I had a nickel for every time Eli says he's pissed off...

So yeah this song is basically 3 minutes of Soohyun and Kevin aggressively singing back and forth, with a quick break for Xander, Eli, and Kibum to butt in, Dongho being funny, and Kiseop's one line

For the longest time, I didn't even realize Kiseop had that line I genuinely thought it was Kevin because of the backtrack

I think even though when I think of this song, I think of Kevin, Soohyun carried this harder he's just more aggressive in singing

The lyrics are very funny when we look back now, and peak UKISS "baby I hate you you cheated on me >:("

I think this is the most woman-hating of their songs, except for DORADORA maybe, but that's less aggressive

The comments under this are super funny too, insisting it has to be Shut Up!! and not just Shut Up, and that the exclamation marks are very important because of how loud they are

I forgot to mention this last time, but Bingeul Bingeul and Shut Up!! are both on the shorter end of their title tracks, clocking in around 3:10-3:15, but they both feel very complete

8.5/10 I have such a soft spot for this song, okay? It helped revive their careers, is slightly embarrassing to listen to but also a very solid song on its own, I just really love it.

Shut Up!! (MV) | Official upload 3.9M

There's two versions of this that aren't really that different - the clean version and the full version

I think the clean version just has some of the shirtless shots removed? I don't remember

God I remember watching this every single day I could as a kid

"High definition" meaning 480p which to be fair, was high def for us back then

Kevin learning that this only goes up to 480p when they used a "super expensive camera" still cracks me up

Also not the girl in the MV being way more famous than all of them combined now lol

All of them except for Eli looked so awkward with her

THE SUBWAY SET that's actually just a set they made in their usual warehouse

I think it was in Standing Still where they pointed out where they filmed this

Those white suits are ~*~sophisticated~*~

Absolutely iconic part of the choreo

Was it in Midnight Idols when the one senior idol was like bro what the hell are you guys doing?

The blue suits are also ~*~sophisticated~*~

They were trendsetters for this

Kiseop's crop top is goated I can't even begin to describe its impact on me

Peak bad boy with a dash of indecency

The necklines, the gloves, the wrist accessories, the hats, the washed out lighting, the abandoned warehouse, the thickening and darkening of the dramatic guyliner *chef's kiss*

The way he just kinda hops out

I wheezed a little at this frame

These shots are absolutely hilarious

Look at the art project on Kevin I don't remember how much time he said they spent on it

It's so funny looking at him compared to Kiseop like you can tell which is fake

Interesting who was made to go topless and was kept clothed

Anyway put on some clothes, you'll catch cold from the wind

Also, nothing like hanging out in the locker room? steam room? whatever with the boys while lounging around and putting on smoulders

Peak "look natural look natural look natural"

I just thought this frame looked funny

Soohyun doing normal people things and just shouting "WAE JAKKU" in her face

That's actually a pretty nice shot of them

I'm reminded of the comments asking if they got into a fight with cats

It was an aesthetic of the times, that's for sure

Eli, once again with his funny hats

I completely forgot about the French tattoos

Luckily, I now know enough French to confidently say that says "lie/lying" okay we're just namecalling women now

'Like nothing happened" lol that's so dramatic

Like their last two MVs, not much story, just a bunch of dancing in abandoned warehouses and subways, chilling in the locker room with the boys half-naked, some shots of Eli on a motorcycle, and all of their solo shots with the girl

I guess Eli is technically the main protagonist of this, what this is, I'm not sure

7/10 I like their outfits when they're clothed, and I love the shot of them lounging on their logo. Wish it was more dramatic though, like come on you guys are supposed to be angry bad men put some (not-drawn on) muscle to it

Shut Up!! (Stages) | Highest viewed 542k (Fan upload)

Highest official upload is 241k MuCore

Or 1.9M if we count the TeenKiss stage (which I personally love because both Soohyun and Kevin are very hot there)

Also, remember how Eli broke his hand while practicing this dance and then showed up to the next music show with a cast/splint/I don't remember?

He really shouldn't have done that like bro let your hand heal????

Look at Dongho's shoulders lmao he was so short compared to them

Like it's bad enough he's the babiest babyface but he's also the shortest??? Makes the performance 100x funnier

So styling, not much to say. They're all in tailored black suits, simple patterned ties, and I think they all have natural/slightly lightened hair, and no crazy hairstyles

Eli, Xander, and Kiseop have theirs styled as combovers - Kiseop looks good, though I'd tone down the eyeliner, and I'd say it's not the best but also not the worst for Eli and Xander

The others just have very natural hairstyles (also this is not the last time Kevin has this cut)

Who gave Eli the double-breasted jacket? It looks so...tight on him. There's honestly a few parts in the dance where I wonder if it really was tight because he's not leaning back very much, but he does do other shoulder movements so I don't know

I don't have anything to say I just really love this choreo no matter what and I'm so mad they didn't do it in their 2016 concert version

Another favourite bit of choreo

Soohyun's so aggressive here I love it he's never not committed

The fact that this bit of the dance is just because of a pun lol

Also he really is just touching and caressing everyone in this dance like he immediately goes to touching Kibum's face after this

Love hearing the crisp clap from the mics that's always so satisfying

They really love doing this kind of choreo in their dances

Not Kiseop nearly slipping on this, but good on him for catching himself without much interruption

Soohyun in the centre, right where he belongs

Oh wait they don't have the handkerchiefs for this one?

I love the choreo for this, the use of height to make interesting images, the sharp to smooth arms, and the entire chorus dance

Timing that kind of delayed effect is honestly such a pain to practice but it looks so cool

Also love the heaviness used for the pizza tossing choreo

Dance-wise, they all did really good, they're all sharp, well-timed, and throwing their whole body into the small details

The footwork's not the most difficult, but I also don't expect these dances to be that difficult since they have to sing

Dongho, again, serving the most face because this concept feels like it was made for him

Singing sounded live for the most part, but a lot of it is kind of hard to hear because of the backtrack

8/10, Shut Up!! has such a precious place in my heart, and I love the full choreo

Ooh found the handkerchiefs!!

Also this is the one where Eli's wearing a brace on his hand

I like all the individual pieces of these outfits, but not all together

The blue is nice, and the material is shiny but not baggy-looking, and I like the maroon dress shirts, but I don't love them paired together. The sparkly grey ties are a super nice touch though

I like these maroon suits

Xander's hair is like a baby version of his MMHN hair lol

No handkerchiefs though

The monochrome suits are really nice, though I'm questioning Kiseop's and Xander's hair

No handkerchiefs here either huh I thought this had more handkerchiefs

Wait is this a pre-dab dab?

The way that this video started off as 144p even though it's set at 1080p

Handkerchiefs are back baby!!!

I really like these white suits they look really good

Light It Up | YouTube Music 644k | Spotify 85k

This is Soohyun's song, everyone else is just a feature

Like half the song is just him, Kevin, Dongho, and Xander make up the other half, plus a couple of lines from Kiseop and Eli

And I wouldn't have it any other way, he kills this song

Also don't think there's any Kibum lines in this

It's so good, like it's crazy this is just a B-side

Feel like a broken record, but I kind of wish there was less autotune used so we can experience Soohyun's voice in all its glory

How do we not have a live of this? That feels like a crime

I like the Kevin/Kiseop part leading into Soohyun and the first chorus

We're veering right back into "baby I love you please come back I miss you" territory

I'm also pretty sure half this song is just the chorus

8.75/10 love the chorus/Soohyun solo, and I like how the song builds and swells

Rock Ya' Body | YouTube Music 257k | Spotify 11k

Common Soohyun/Kevin duet with brief features from the others

I hear Kiseop for a couple of lines in the chorus, Eli is doing the "clap clap..." part, I'm fairly certain it's Xander doing the rap verse, and Dongho might have the last line of the chorus. I don't know about Kibum

He might have a line in the chorus? Maybe the "clap it up" part? I can't really tell who's doing that

Like I'm not gonna lie I'm really bad at picking out Kibum's voice, and it's super difficult with all this autotune

But yeah standard arrogant UKISS dance track, a precursor to TOP THAT, if you will

Kevin opening with "hey little mama" is so funny

Soohyun's little "I'm hot news baby" is also very funny

Another borderline UKISS Sex Song, but I'm not counting it because it's not explicit enough

Love the persistent clapping throughout the song it's super catchy

8.25/10 it's a fun and catchy dance track, and that's something these guys do very well

Avater | YouTube Music 67k | Spotify 12k

Okay I have no idea who's doing what in this song, but I think it's a rap line song?

The only thing I'm sure of is Soohyun comes in either actually singing or doing the backing for the "100% synchronized high and low" part

I don't think I hear Kevin or Kiseop anywhere

I hear Xander and Eli pretty consistently, even through the autotune, and I think I hear Dongho a couple of times

The chorus is hard to tell though, it could be a heavy autotuned Kibum or it could be Eli or Xander

Look, I dug through old videos of this to both get a decent translation, and to figure out who's doing what in this song

Another fun party song, and UKISS Sex Song #3

It's been almost 14 years and I still don't know what "checkin yo steez" means

Also uh I've chosen to interpret the lyrics as just risque, but like it could very easily be interpreted as wanting to make this girl a puppet? Isn't that kinda dark lol

Oh and the autotune is so heavy here, fitting and absolutely appropriate for this song, but super heavy

7.5/10 I think I'm biased because I've listened to this like 30 times trying to figure out who does what, so now I have a mild headache

Don't really have any fun facts other than crumbs of funny bits. Most of my knowledge is either concentrated from little bits of info I gained through osmosis about their very early career, or the wild shit they did in Japan.

So, at the end of 2010, Xander, Soohyun, and Eli did a spinoff of 'We Got Married' called 'We Are Dating', and all I remember from that show is Eli ripping his pants, thus becoming the first member to do so, and Soohyung magical suitcases of everything. It was an okay watch, but in hindsight, Eli being so awkward, whether it was scripted or not, makes sense because wasn't he already dating his ex-wife at the time? I get that the company probably didn't know since they were still under a dating ban, but wow that must've been weird. Like they could've picked Kibum, or Kiseop, or Kevin to do it, but no they chose him.

When they did Midnight Idols, the talent portion was so great - Eli cracking a bone while doing a kick; Xander doing a yoga pose only to immediately give up after 5 seconds; Dongho and Kevin being girl group dance enthusiasts and scaring each other via unintended eye contact; Soohyun serenading Kibum's brother's thigh; Kiseop climbing up the chalkboard, it was fun times all around.

Well that's that. It was really fun to go back this far and quite literally watch them go from weird cringy rookies to whatever the hell they are by Shut Up!!

UKISS Era - Woman-hating Bad Boys - Complete!

[megzg-blog1]

FINALLY I found a font that i think works perfectly. Abigail agrees. We did try using an app and an online website that turn your handwriting into a font but it was just working, it never looked right. I am shcoked to say I found the font in photoshop, but I think one of the issues I was finding is, it was too big and too bold so I changed the font to a lighter shade and made it smaller.

I stand by my pervious statment that I didn’t want the font to be a main focal point in anyway because I think the photograph tells a whole story that I wouldnt want viewers to be distracted from, but I think this font works because it is nothing special. It gives all the information it needs while being tucked away in the corner.

You may wonder why I chose to add her name if i hated having font on it so much and there is two reasons for that. Firstly, the photo on it’s own did look like it was missing somehting, everytime I looked at it, it felt imcomplete too and I think that is because deep down I knew it needed the text and secondly, as an artist who has stuggled with her identity for so long it didn’t feel morally right to take her name away from the cover, it felt as though her identity was being taken from her work. While the idea of the photo was to conceal her identity to represent how she has struggled over the years, she feels as though she has found herself now and she deserves to own that accomplishment.

This is my final version of the Album cover project we were set.

If I were to do this again I think I would like to focus on a real artist. While Abigail’s story is true, she is not a musical artist, she is an engineer who I am incredibly proud of; Abigail has recently found herself a girlfriend, got a promotion in her job and has almost hit two years of living independently. For these reasons and so many more, she helped me conclude that her name needs to be on the album cover to complete her story. Focusing on a real artist would be more restrictive I believe but would have been more of a challenge too. I am very happy with how this album cover came out in the end and it feels like I have been on a whole journey to get it here. If I did do this again I think I would do a shoot in colour too just so I could compare the two. I cannot say I would’ve picked the colour photos but it would have been interesting to see which one I preferred. I think the strongest part of this album cover is the pattern that appeared on her skin when I increased clarity and texture in Lightroom, it represents the pattern she fell into every day while trying to fit in and be someone she is not. I am incredibly happy with this outcome, but there is always room for improvement, such as I wish her her hair and t-shirt didn’t blend so much, even though in a group review, people were comparing her hair to a cloak/shield, which I believe is a beautiful thing to have picked up on, I do think it takes away from the detail in the photograph.

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

024 of 2023

Do you share a name with any celebrities?

I’ve never encountered any famous man who shares the name with me, but maybe I’m missing something.

What’s your birth stone?

I couldn’t care less.

Do you read your horoscopes every day?

No, astrology means nothing to me.

What’s your favorite drink?

Vanilla coke.

What color is associated with your Zodiac sign?

I can’t be bothered, I don’t give a crap about such things.

Have you ever been hit on by someone way too old for you?

Yeah, happened once.

Have you ever worked in fast food?

Never.

Have you ever flirted with a friend’s mom?

Lol no? I’m not into women anyway.

Do you ignore people often?

Not on purpose.

Do you drink a lot of water?

No, I hate the taste of water. I can’t force myself to drink it.

Do you like fireworks?

Neither like nor dislike.

Is respect given or earned with you?

I respect everyone, unless they give me a solid reason not to.

What’s your favorite snack food?

Veggies.

Do you text a lot?

Only my dad.

What’s your favorite color to wear?

Black, definitely.

Do you like wind chimes?

Nah, I find their sound annoying.

Are you any good with Photoshop?

I am, but I prefer to use GIMP.

How many megapixels does your camera have?

48 in my phone plus wide-angle lens, and 21 in my old camera.

Do you use the right shift button or the left more?

Well, I have a disabled hand, so.

Do you like remixes?

If they’re well-made, then sure.

Do you put stickers on your electronics?

Yeah, mostly on my laptop.

Are you homophobic?

Well, I’m into guys. Being homophobic in my case would indicate a great internal conflict. In other words, no I’m not, because I’m gay as well.

What’s the last gift you received?

I don’t remember.

Have you ever forgotten someone’s birthday?

I’d do it all the time if I didn’t have reminders.

Do you wear your hair up or down usually?

My hair is short, so how many options do I have?

Do you hate anyone for no reason?

No, I don’t hate people. Such a waste of energy.

Are you ‘in the closet’ about anything?

I don’t discuss my orientation with people, so kind of this.

Do you lie to make yourself feel better?

No, it’s stupid.

Are you a social butterfly or a wall flower?

A mix of both. Everything with the right people.

Do you wear a lot of make up?

I’m a man.

Are you missing any teeth?

Yeah, one from my teens already, when I was attending basketball trainings and I accidentally got hit in the face with the ball. I couldn’t find that tooth anymore, but it’s a shame that I haven’t fixed it. Oh well, it’s horribly expensive here.

Have you ever been to any of the Great Lakes?

Never been to the US. Nor Canada, fr the record.

What’s your favorite number?

16.

Do you have any pictures of family around your house?

No, I don’t.

Do you like scrapbooking?

It’s not my #1 thing.

Did you just lose the game?

Everyone does from time to time.

Are you one of those girls who have a “wife?”

I’m not a girl in the first place. But I’m a man who has a husband, what about it?

What was/will be your first tattoo?

It was a red ionising radiation warning symbol, in a splatter style. I like it.

Do you have any tattoos dedicated to someone special?

No, only to certain events in my life.

Do you style your hair often?

I put some hair wax or gel in it because I hate it when it’s lying flat on my head.

Do you shave your legs?

No. Why would I anyway?

What is the next piercing you want to get?

I think I’ve gotten everything I was really interested in.

Do you like ghost stories?

Nah they’re boring.

What was your favorite movie as a kid?

I’ve never liked movies. It’s been always an effective way to make me fall asleep.

Did you watch Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers?

I don’t think so.

What color are your eyes?

Dark grey.

If you could dye your hair any color you wanted at all, what would it be?

Bright red or maybe purple.

Do you know anyone who was born in a different country?

A lot of people. Belgium is full of immigrants, mind you. I have friends from Romania who live in Antwerp, for example. I know some Arabs and black or Asian people. It’s normal here.

What state do you live in?

None, I’m Belgian. Belgium doesn’t have states, we do have provinces.

[marycecilyy]

Hey could you do headcanons for the mcl guys (or if not all of them castiel, armin, and kentin) when their S/O is a famous singer? Thank you❤

Oh god this turned out so longer than I expected huahahushaushu

First of all, these are too long to be headcanons, all three of them have more than 1k words each. Also, I changed a bit the prompt. It's more like "Candy has the dream of becoming a famous singer". The rest you'll see... I'll only say that I'm very proud of this one ;)

Castiel, Armin and Kentin with a Candy that wishes to be a famous singer

Castiel

Castiel wasn’t one to be friendly to new students, but he knew you weren’t like any other when you came to him and asked if Winged Skull was one of his favorite bands too. He was shocked to know that there was another person at Sweet Amoris who enjoyed the same bands as him. Yes, bands (in plural). After he answered that, yes, Winged Skull was his favorite band of all times, you started talking about your common interests and discovered that there were many.

He was a very closed off guy, but somehow you managed to break into his skull in a short time and, in a few months, you turned into best friends.

When Debrah came back and that whole situation happened, your fight with Castiel had a lot of impact over you. In your head, you had just lost your best friend forever. Fortunately. Lysander not only helped you recover from the blow and gave you energy to gather your friends and expose Debrah, but also helped you admit to yourself that, you did have feelings for Castiel.

Once she was unmasked and ran away like a coward, things quickly came back to normal. In less than one week, you had restored your reputation, your friends apologized for misjudging you, Castiel and you were once again friends. The only difference was that you knew that you were in love with him.

You didn’t tell him about your feelings right away, you decided to keep your friendship and focus a bit on your lifelong goal: become a music star. You started learning how to sing properly and doubled the days of your guitar lessons. Castiel even helped you get into the music club (they were full when you got into Sweet Amoris, but he found a way to enroll you).

You knew that your chances of actually becoming famous were pretty low, the market was difficult and depended a lot on having the right contacts. That was why, while you tried putting your name out there, your plan was to get a degree in music as soon as you finished high school. Antheros Academy offered a good education and was close, it was your best option.

As you channeled your energies towards your goal, Castiel started to acknowledge his own sentiment towards you. He liked to watch your focused face as you tuned your guitar and your singing voice earned a sweet accent all of the sudden. He always considered you a special girl, but, to his surprise, feelings were starting to develop inside his closed off chest.

That was why, as soon as he won those concert tickets on a raffle, he knew he’d take you there as your first date. Luckily for him, you accepted right away. Castiel had a feeling that night would be something else.

And it really was, as he kissed you, without even thinking it through, when the vocalist sung what he knew was your favorite tune. When you kissed him back, he wrapped his hands over your waist and lifted you up, feeling your warm lips open up for him.

The months that followed were full of bliss. With you and Castiel officially dating, the school had a lot to talk about. Amber pestered you quite a bunch of times, but that didn’t mess with your relationship at all. Everything was perfect, as it was supposed to be.

But that didn’t last long. Right after you finished high school, your dad had to move to another town because of his job and you had no choice but to go too. You were sure that your relationship would survive the distance, after all, you were in love. This situation would be worked out.

Castiel came to your new house a couple of times and you two called frequently, but in the end distance started to grow between the both of you… and it hurt. Knowing that Castiel was sad made you miserable and you decided to break up before it became unbearable.

You lost your count of how many nights you cried thinking about him.

4 years later.

You were zipping your jeans up when you heard a knock on your dressing room’s door. Who could it be? Your parents had already congratulated you over the phone, there was no one supposed to come that night. Did your manager schedule a press interview for after the show?

You put on your shirt and told whoever was on the other side to wait. When you finally opened the door, your jaw almost fell. You couldn’t believe he was there.

He looked exactly like in the magazines, (a bit less photoshopped, but that was to expect. You went through that as well and it sucked). His hair was shoulder-length and he wore a black shirt that showed off the tattoos up to the middle of his arm. He wore some light makeup, most on his skin, which you deduced his manager made him put on. Castiel looked like you expected him to after all those years, but one thing about him surprised you.

His eyes, although more mature and serious, had the same brightness as before.

"Are ya going to keep staring like that?” He asked and you noticed you had just been looking at him for a solid minute.

“Sorry. Come in.” You said and made space for him to enter the room. For your luck, there was nothing private to be seen, you had the habit of leaving your clothes and personal belongings messy and only cleaning up the second you had to go.

Castiel cleared his throat. An awkward silence hung between you. You hadn’t been alone with each other ever since the breakup. You two were two of the biggest stars of nowadays rock music, but you barely had any opportunity to talk. Not that you haven’t tried, it was the opposite. You avoided contact. Your fans knew you had dated in high school (you used to have pictures on your personal instagrams and fans were quick to dig over old accounts to find information about their idols), so they never expected a feat or any kind of collab. Everyone knew that you weren’t on best terms.

You remembered just a couple of days ago, when you were interviewed for one of those talk shows. The host made a lot of personal questions about Castiel and even asked if you would get back with him if you had the chance. You tried to avoid answering, but the public instantly read your unconscious signs: yes, you would.

That was why, you assumed, he was there. To make things clear. After all, because of you yours and his fans started shipping you two and got you on twitter’s trending topics. He probably was pissed. There was also a possibility of him wanting to take advantage of the situation, maybe propose a fake relationship? No, that wasn’t like him. Or was it? You barely knew him anymore.

“So… you probably guessed why I’m here. I saw your interview” You were right, then. “And I want to make things clear.” Ouch. You should prepare for the blow. “Look, we both know time has passed and we’re not the same as before. You broke up to avoid more suffering, and I get that. I really do.”

Castiel crossed his arms and glared at you. You looked back at him with fear, fear of knowing what his next words would be. “But...?” You asked.

“Tsk.” He huffed. This would be more difficult than he thought. “Look, little girl…” You felt a shiver run through your spine at the sound of the old nickname he gave you. You had always loved it, even though you didn’t say it out loud. After what felt like hours, he continued. “I don’t want to be cheesy, that’s not like me. So I’ll just say that if what all of the fans are theorizing is true.... If you do want to try again....”

Castiel took your hand and you jumped in surprise. He turned your palm to him and grabbed a pen from his back pocket. He wrote down a phone number on your hand and let go of it, capped the pen and turned around to go.

"That's my personal number. It’s pretty useful if you wanna call me without having to schedule an appointment with my manager.” You managed to laugh. You knew exactly how these things were annoying.

Inside, you were bursting with excitement. However, you answered playfully “Hm…. I’ll think about it, mr. Rockstar” Castiel chuckled and excused himself, saying that his manager would get pissed at him if he took too long. You smiled.

Maybe it was not over, after all.

Armin

When you told Armin, very early on your friendship, that your dream was to become a famous singer, he got so excited for you. He already knew that you played the guitar and was good at singing, but he had no idea that you wanted to make this your career path.

You couldn’t have chosen a better partner. Being the tech nerd that Armin was, he helped you a lot in recording your covers with the best quality possible considering the amateur camera and microphone you had.

However, the times that his presence most comforted you was when you showed him your new songs. He was always eager to see your composing progress and gave you pure honesty in his feedback, keeping in mind that he was no expert but still wanted to help you.

You always asked him for a way to return his favors, but he always said that it was his duty as your best friend to support you and that it was more than enough having you to talk about all his geek interests.

As time passed, you started to notice that you liked him way more as a friend. Without an idea of what to do, you asked Rosa and Alexy for advice. They were your closest friends apart from your crush (and you couldn’t run to him in that situation, duh)

After a dozen pro tips and date ideas from them, you decided to take Armin to the movies (basic, you knew, but couldn’t go wrong).

When you asked him if he was available Saturday night, you didn’t say properly “Hey, we’re going on a date”. Actually, you didn’t mention the word “date” at all, hoping that he would read between the lines.

And he did, because as soon as you sat and the film started, Armin grabbed your hand that was resting in the armrest and entwined your fingers. You couldn’t pay attention to what was going on screen at all and your attention was completely drawn from the movie when the boy grabbed your chin and brought your lips to his.

You only stopped kissing when the lights went on and the credits started scrolling.

“Hey…” You asked as soon as you two left the place, holding hands with him. “What was the movie about again?”

Armin laughed out loud. He teased you about it a lot before you made him confess that he didn’t know either.

A few days later, it was him who asked you out. You kept going on dates for the next week, all of them simple but interesting at the same time. However, you two weren’t dating. The whole school knew there was something going on between you two by the chuckles and timid kisses when you thought nobody saw them, but you didn’t make things official… yet. But that was about to change.

It was friday and you invited Armin over to “study” (he was sure that the afternoon would be spent between videogames and kisses, but if you wanted to call it a study session, it was okay for him).

As he comfortably sat on your bed as if it were his own, you told him to wait as you brought him some juice. When you came back, he was already grabbing his nintendo switch from his bag.

“What makes you think that we’re here to game?” You teased, handing him the glass.

“Come on, Candy, we both know that none of us are interested in learning orbital hybridization…”

“Maybe I am. I really need a good grade on those tests.” You approached him and held his jaw up so your foreheads touched. With a trailed voice, you continued. “Unless you have something more interesting to do in mind...”

Armin opened up that playful smile of his. “Oh, I do, actually.” In a quick movement that caught you off guard, he threw you in bed and started pampering you with kisses all over your face. You couldn’t stop laughing from how his hands tickled your belly, but you managed to stop him. “W-Wait, Armin!”

He looked at you, confused. “What?”

As you caught your breath, you explained that there was something you wanted to show him first. You got off the bed and went to grab your guitar that was hung up on the free wall of your bedroom.

“Did you compose a new song?” Armin deducted as you sat in front of him again, this time with your guitar in hands.

“You’ll see.” You tuned your instrument under his curious gaze. When you felt satisfied with the sound, you looked back at him. Armin didn’t miss the blush that coloured your cheeks. “I know you’d never do it, but I have to ask even so: promise you won’t laugh.”

You started playing the first chords of the song you had finished composing just a few days before. Usually, you composed simple songs that anyone could identify with, songs about friendship, inspiration, changing the world. You never wrote about your personal feelings. The notes never made you cry.

This song was special, though, because it was about him.

The day it hit you that you had feelings for him, you had the idea of writing random verses that could one day fit into a new song. After your first date, you felt so overwhelmed that, looking at the words, you decided to turn them into a song. You didn’t think it would turn into something so personal and emotional. Every note, every word, everything was clearly about him, that dorky geek you had fallen in love with.

Falling deeper every time

I can’t help but think, oh my

I’m through, but I don’t mind

Would you trade you 2D girls

For this hopeless lover

That just wants your heart?

I’ll just say that he got the message very clearly and, as soon as you finished playing, he practically jumped on you, kissing your lips with such tenderness that you almost teared up.

Of course, he asked you to be his girlfriend XD

Kentin

The first time he heard about your dream, he was still little Ken. It was one of your first days at Sweet Amoris and you two were eating cookies in the staircase. You were ranting about how sad you were that the music club was already full and you couldn’t join. Ken asked you the reason why you were so upset.

“Well… There weren’t those kind of classes in our old school. Learning how to play an instrument and sing, even during extra classes would be so cool! If I went well, maybe I’d be able to convince my dad to pay me for some private classes and then I’d be one step closer to my dream!”

“Your dream?” Ken muttered.

“Yeah! I want to become a famous singer in the future! I know that it’s impossible and even kinda silly, but-”

“No, Candy! It’s not silly at all!” Ken said. Learning more about you made him happy and he didn’t want you to think for even a second that your dream was worthless. “You shouldn't be ashamed of dreaming big. You’ll have a long, difficult path to walk through, but when you get there - and you have my word on that - I’ll be cheering for you!”

“Ken... “ You flashed your best smile at him. It meant a lot to you to have his support, he was a kind person and a very good friend (he did cross a few limits with his adoration for you, but you weren’t bothered by it). You liked being around him a lot.

-x-

“Kentin!” You threw yourself in his arms and gave him a tender kiss. “Good morning.”

Your boyfriend chuckled and held your hand, walking with you through the hallway. You talked about how your weekend had been and, between light smiles and sweet kisses, you thought of how quickly things changed between you two.

When he came back from military school, a lot of things had changed in him, including his nickname. You were facing a new person and it had been a challenge discovering Kentin and building a new relationship with him.

Even though he was a different person from before, one thing didn’t change at all and you noticed it clearly: he still liked you. Obviously he was no longer that guy who professed his feelings to everyone and followed you everywhere, he had found new ways to show you his love. You enjoyed that more mature version of him, but wished he had the opportunity to grow into a man without all the trauma he went through. You knew that most of his growth had been through suffering, and that upset you.

You didn’t know when, but somewhere into your friendship you started to grow feelings for him too. After some coaxing from Rosa and Alexy, you managed to ask him out on an official date.

The whole school already knew that Kentin was head over heels for you, but everyone was shocked to know that you loved him back as your relationship became official.

“Hey, love.”

“What?” You asked your boyfriend back as soon as you got in front of your lockers. You started looking for your books, checking that day’s classes.

“I really liked that video you posted on youtube yesterday. I never heard that song before, did you compose it yourself?”

The book you held in your hand fell to the ground. “What video?” You whispered, eyes wide.

“What do you mean, babe? That video of you singing and playing the guitar. You uploaded it yesterday night. I saw right away, you know I have my notifications turned on to all your videos. I got surprised that you decided to finally show your face and sing something of your own and- Candy? Is everything okay?”

Kentin noticed your face and got worried for you. You looked absolutely terrified.

“That video… How did you see it? I posted it as private”

“No, you didn't. It was public.” Kentin was starting to understand why you were so surprised. He put one hand on your back as you blushed and hid your face on his chest in embarrassment.

“Oh god, I can’t believe I did that! I’m so stupid! The first time I record something like that, I accidentally post it for everyone to see! Dumb, dumb Candy! Dang, now everyone’s gonna know I’m bad!”

“First of all.” Your boyfriend frowned, bringing you close to him. “You’re not dumb, you just made a mistake. And it’s okay, probably just a few people saw it. Last time I checked was before I went to sleep and it only had 20 views. But why are you so upset, Candy? Didn’t you tell me a few days ago that you were finally ready to show your face along with the covers. Did something happen to change your mind?”

“Well, I was not ready to show right away, especially not in a video that I looked terrible in. And it’s not just that. It was my first original song. I never showed it to anyone, what if it sucks?”

Kentin held your chin up and looked you in the eyes. “Candy, it doesn’t suck and you look great in the video!” You closed your eyes and snuggled close to him. “But I understand your concerns. Luckily, that can be solved if you delete the video. You’ll have other opportunities to get famous, and with better videos.”

“Yeah, I can do that.” You reached for your phone and went to your youtube page. “Fu... No way…!”

Your hands trembled. Kentin was right, the video had few views (which was good). Only 50 people had seen it, but the problem wasn’t that. For your bad luck, one of those people had been Amber. You knew that because she had left three comments on your video.

AmberOfficial: lmaooooo

AmberOfficial: Thank you for the laughs. That’s hilarious

AmberOfficial: Just give up already, looser

“That girl....” Kentin grunted, looking at your phone screen. “I swear to you, Candy, I’ll make her regret this. I’ll-”

“You don’t need to, I’m fine.”

You untangled your arms from his torso and started walking away, trying your best to hide how upset you really were. Amber was right, your music sucked. You should give up on your dream of becoming a famous singer, not only because you were bad, but also because you could barely show your face to a few people without feeling like shit. You wouldn’t be able to deal with fame.

Kentin tried to call you, but you didn’t answer. He figured you needed some time alone. He could use that time to think of something to support you and get back at Amber.

-x-

You walked out of the bathroom, your eyes red and swollen from crying. You had already deleted the video, but you couldn’t stop feeling stupid for getting so upset by a few bad comments. And feeling stupid made you even more upset.

When you got to the hallway, it was empty due to classes having already started. You probably spent half an hour locked up, but at least no one would mess with you.

You went to the garden to get some fresh air and wait until the next class started. You sat at the bench, breathed in and finally calmed down a bit.

“Candy.”

You turned around, surprised to see your boyfriend. “Kentin! What are you doing here? Classes have already started.”

He just waved his hand in a “don’t worry about that” way and sat beside you. He kissed your cheek and took your hand, checking how you were. Seeing that you seemed to be more calm, he smiled lightly at you. “So… I talked to Armin. He already found out Amber’s password and he’ll hack into Amber’s youtube account. He’ll just mess with it for a bit, delete some videos and upload some random stuff. Nothing too bad, I promise, just some memes and rickrolls.”

“Hmm…” You muttered, thinking about what he said. It wasn’t right, for sure, but you didn’t feel like stopping them. You were still hurt. “Okay. Just promise you two won’t do something serious, okay?”

He agreed. You felt a bit better, but that wasn’t enough to lift your mood and Kentin knew that. That was why he also had something else prepared. "That 's not all. I did some quick search for places where you could record that music of yours with its deserved quality. You are a good composer, Candy, believe it. Your talent doesn’t have to stay hidden in a dark room with only you, a guitar and your cellphone recording it.”

“Kentin…”

“If you want to, I’ll help you rent a studio and record your song. That would be very useful for your portfolio. I know that’s expensive, but we can find ways to-” You cut him off with a kiss. He cared about you so much, to the point of skipping classes to think of ways to make you feel better. You loved your boyfriend so much…

Lucky. You felt lucky to have him.

“I love you. Thank you for taking care of me... “ You kissed his cheek, happy to have his support. That was more than enough at that moment, Amber’s words were far behind you. All that mattered was that you could go through this.

You had Kentin, and when you had him, you had your whole world holding you so you wouldn’t fall.

[marshmallow-phd]

Gravity

Genre: Angst, Unrequited Love

Pairing: Junmyeon x Reader

A/N: This was basically just a therapy write. 

**

What is worth? It is neither tangible nor seeable. It doesn’t have a body or a shell. Yet, the endless chase to catch it, to hold it captive, is a never ending disease that eats away at the brain and tears apart the heart. It’s only descriptor is feeling. A judgement. Something either is or isn’t. When it's an object in question, the call for worth is passive, innocent. It’s wanted or it's not. The deterioration comes into play when the worth is applied to a person. 

Kim Junmyeon was worth the world. 

With a smile that could chase away a storm and a heart too good and pure for the human populace, he was truly worth more than the world. He was worth more than you deserved. 

Not only was his face kind, but it was handsome. Beautiful, even. Candid photos were museum worthy masterpieces. There was a gentleness, a softness to his eyes and cheeks that contradicted the sharpness of his jaw and the strength of his body. His laugh was infectious and his mind as vast and deep as the ocean. The sum of his whole was worth so much. 

But you were not worthy of such a person. You weren’t as stunning as a sunset over the mountains or as extraordinary as a new discovery. You were simply… you. Staring from afar, admiring but never touching. 

You wished you could be worthy. You wished you could be special enough - good enough to be with him. Pretty enough would be something decent to settle for. But you were invisible. A person on the sidelines. Out of the spotlight. You were an admirer - not one to be admired. 

“You’re doing it again.”

You blinked, your attention torn away from the spot where Junmyeon was standing, laughing and chatting with a few of his seniors. Kyungsoo, who sat to your left at the small table in the entertainment building’s cafe, didn’t even look up from the script he was currently reviewing. He’d only been given it the day before and was still considering if he wanted the part that was being offered to him. 

Your gaze dropped to the opened yet untouched notebook lying in front of you on the somewhat sticky surface. Someone must have spilled their syprup-y coffee and didn’t do the best job at cleaning it up. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Without moving his head, Kyungsoo looked at you over the rim of his glasses. Even though you were sure you were nothing more than a blur to his eyes at the moment, he could always see right through you. “If you keep staring at him like that, you’re going to give yourself away.”

The ultimate nightmare. The humiliation of being found out. The sweet but awkward rejection that you knew would follow. With his laugh still ringing in your ears, you forced yourself to tune Junmyeon out. 

Pushing his glasses up his nose with his middle finger, Kyungsoo straightened and closed the script. “We can go somewhere else, if that would help.”

You wanted to argue no. That you weren’t a coward. That you weren’t going to run and hide simply because you looked at him like he was the night sky while you were stuck on the ground. You used to have better control of yourself. You used to be able to hide it better. But lately, it had only gotten worse. 

And you were a coward. 

“Yeah. Maybe one of the practice rooms is empty.”

“There’s usually one.”

After gathering up your things, you followed Kyungsoo out of the cafe, stealing a final glance. Junmyeon didn’t so much as twitch in your direction. It wouldn’t have been surprising if he hadn’t even realized that you were there in the cafe for the past half hour. 

Kyungsoo settled into one corner of the worn navy blue couch while you squeezed into the other. Not speaking a word, he went back to reading the script. That was a nicety of your friendship. Comfortable silence was more than readily available when needed. He didn’t push or give unasked for advice. He was an ear to listen and a presence to take in when you didn’t want to be alone. 

You stared down at the notebook in your lap where your next story ideas were supposed to be filling the pages. But nothing was coming out. Not even the vague pictures you’d had earlier this morning. The only things being called to the paper were the sentences held in the invisible tears you refused to shed. Words of wishes and frustrations swirled around inside the tiny droplets, every letter as heavy as lead. Your cruel mind kept echoing at you the conversation that had constricted the air in your lungs. 

Two days ago, you’d accidentally overheard a drama staff worker jokingly say that Junmyeon and his current co-star seemed awfully close, more than merely friends. Stomach lurching, you ran to the nearest bathroom. Nothing came out but almost fifteen minutes of deliberate breathing had gone by before you emerged again. Kyungsoo was quick to dismiss the comment after barely three words from you. The effect, however, still lingered. 

Despite the history of your intrusive thoughts, you wanted to believe that you could be good enough. That you were worthy of being beside someone like Junmyeon. His co-costar was stunning, even in real life. Someone who didn’t need photoshop to draw out gasps of awe and astonishment. Someone you most certainly couldn’t compete with in any race. 

You weren’t asking for much. Just to be able to hold his hand, your fingers interlaced between his own. The fantasy you allowed yourself to indulge in at times wasn’t a grand gesture or a modern fairytale. You wanted simplicity. The smaller moments that could mean so much. Mundane, to some eyes. 

Warm sun rays leaked through the closed blinds over the living room windows. A clock on the wall ticked away the meaningless minutes. Sometimes soft music hummed in the background, sometimes there was nothing but silence. Junmyeon would lay across the length of the couch with you wrapped around his side. His fingers would absentmindedly caress your shoulder or arm. In his other hand was a book, held open by his thumb and pinky. Your own hand drifted through his hair while he read aloud. 

The two of you had dozens of endless conversations about books. About the ones you loved and the ones you hated. About deeper meanings and the reflections of life. His love of literature - from the celebrated classics to the obscure unknown - had been what initially drew you in. Everything else was what made you stay.

A muscle in your hand cramped. The peaceful scene faded from your eyes. The page was now filled with barely legible, ink-smeared words. You’d written the entire scenario out, along with your heart, without even realizing it. 

In a panic, you ripped the paper from its spiral hold, crumpled it up, and tossed it to the trash can across the room. It missed. 

“I doubt whatever you wrote was that bad,” Kyungsoo murmured. He read the final few lines of the script and closed it. 

“It wasn’t,” you admitted bitterly. “But I shouldn’t have written it.” You described the scene to him while your eyes stayed trained on the loose thread twirling between your fingers. 

He sighed. “You’re never going to tell him, are you?”

“I can’t.”

“You can. You’re just stopping yourself.”

You scoffed. “Why would I deliberately set myself up like that? Break me the rest of the way?”

Kyungsoo stared at you, long and hard, his expression blank to those who couldn’t read the tell-tale signs that his thoughts were in overdrive. “You’re really hurting, aren’t you?”

You sniffed, though no tears were yet forcing their way to the surface. “Most days.”

“Then walk away.”

“I can’t.” Your voice broke - just like your heart. The world blurred when you shook your head. “I can’t… simplify it. But-- It’s like I was this stupid lump of rock drifting aimlessly through space, content with my life. Then suddenly, I came across this brilliant star that shined so brightly and… we collided. And now I’m stuck in his orbit. But he just keeps on spinning while my whole world had changed completely. He’s… my gravity. I don’t know anything else anymore.”

“Maybe it’s time to find your own orbit.”

Afraid it might crack again, your voice was barely a whisper. “I don’t know how.”

The door creaked open and your heart leapt. Junmyeon stuck his head inside. Had he overheard everything?

“There you are! I turned away for a second and suddenly you two weren’t in the cafe anymore.”

He’d… He’d seen you? In the cafe?

“It was too loud,” Kyungsoo lied, covering up for you like he always did. 

“It’s always too loud for you,” Junmyeon teased. Then his face morphed into that leader-esque expression. “We need to head to rehearsal. You’re welcome to join us,” he nodded to you.

“No, that’s okay,” you said quickly in response. “I have a writer’s meeting.” No, you didn’t, but space felt like the right choice at the moment. You tried not to focus on the lack of disappointment coming from the direction of the door. 

“Maybe next time.” Junmyeon slapped the side of the door. “Let’s go, Soo.”

You were actually the first one on your feet, muttering goodbyes to both of them and then walking down the hall perhaps a little too fast. 

You didn’t allow your mind to think the whole way home. Every action was done in automatic mode. Only the minimal amount of awareness was used. But when the apartment door clicked behind you, when the near darkness wrapped you up, when the silence crept in and the empty couch mocked you… you broke. 

Knees buckling from under you, the cold hard floor came closer and you didn’t leave that spot just inside the room as the tears and sobs crashed out in waves. 

This was what you hated the most. The breakdowns that came with no excuse. They were built up by your own mind, by your intrusive thoughts. You tortured yourself with what you could never have. The attacks were random and it was only recently that you had learned to hold them in long enough until you were safe within your own walls. One time, you hadn’t made it. Kyungsoo had been there to pat your shoulder. 

Kyungsoo. He was right. 

That clarity was coming through as the tears dried and your breathing evened out again. You needed space. You needed to separate yourself from what wasn’t good for you and not see him. Not even have the temptation to. 

This was going to hurt like hell. 

**

The office somehow looked smaller with the bare walls. Since the day you moved in, you tried to liven it up, give it character, make it reflect the interests you loved. How were you supposed to write if this place felt like a stifling corporate desert, dry of any creativity?

Not that you ever actually wrote in this twelve by eight space. This place had been reserved for meetings and other usually boring necessities. You didn’t know the next time a budget meeting or an email check would be conducted here. You could be back in a few months and move back in as if you never left. Or someone else could take over. Only time would tell. 

The box that currently had your attention was nearly full. You’d have to come back for the rest. There wasn’t much left, anyway. You took another look around to see if there was anything else you could do at the moment. The monitors were black, the tower underneath - so much smaller than the one you’d had as a kid - was powered off, and the chair that was aligned just so to your favored adjustments was pushed into the gray desk. Saying goodbye to this place really did hurt. 

But you needed to do this. 

And yet, you felt like you were drowning, being dragged deeper into the black water. Your lungs were screaming for relief. 

“You’re really leaving?”

Your shoulders stiffened. At first, you didn’t look up at him. You weren’t sure what to say to him. Being here… it was the last place you expected him to be today. Kyungsoo would have told him, but you wouldn’t have waited around for him to appear. 

“Hi, Junmyeon.” You folded up the top of the box, overlapping the pieces so it would stay shut in transport. 

“I thought you liked it here?”

“I love it,” you confessed. “But I- I need to go home for a little while.”

“Are you homesick?”

“Something like that.” Definitely some version of sick. 

He nodded. “Will you be gone long?” His eyes drifted over the holes in the walls leftover from the frames that used to hang in front of them. 

“I don’t know.” You shifted your weight from one foot to the other. This was…. You should go. Pushing your fingers under the box, you started to lift it to take it home. 

“Do you have to go?”

The question stalled you. Confused, the box went back down on the desk. “Why are you here, Junmyeon?”

He shrugged, though it didn’t shake off the stiffness in his shoulders. His hands were stuffed in his pockets, his arms all the way to his wrists covered up by the sleeves of his shirt. Lately he had been rolling them up. You wondered what had changed today. “You’re our friend.”

Friend. 

Friend. Friend. Friend. 

The word rang over and over like a declaration of war. Our friend. 

The smart thing to do would have been to nod, say goodbye, and leave. But - instead - you opened your mouth. 

“I will always be your friend.”

That didn't make him smile like you would have thought. “So, then why do you have to leave?”

You rubbed your eyebrow, fighting within yourself. You lost. 

“Have you ever had a friend so head over heels for someone that won’t even look at them twice? But they don’t care? Because as long as the person they’re looking at is happy, then they’re happy. Even if your friend is completely miserable in the process. Because they no longer care about their own self. They just keep looking at the other person, doing anything that entails that they’re still happy.” You swallowed thickly to try and keep your voice steady. By your sides, your hands were trembling at this roundabout confession. “And you want to shake them. You want to tell them to get out. Because as long as they stick around, they won’t look at one else. No one else exists. Well, this is me. Getting out.”

The frown on Junmyeon’s face deepened as he let your words sink in. “Who is it? Will you tell me?”

No. Because this was enough of an admittance. Because it was time to find your own sense of gravity. 

So, without a word, you picked up the box and left the office. 

Waiting for you when you came back was the scene you had written in the practice room that day, flattened out but still wrinkled as it laid on the desk. 

[jerryb2]

I mean….you all knew this was coming ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ : the Star Wars Art of one Mr. Drew Struzan. 

And look, the man has done so much and has such a diverse portfolio that Star Wars is only one very small part of his career. If you want to explore some of his other works, then might I suggest that you check out his website. 

As for me here, we’ll be sticking strictly to his SW art. Now, with that out of the way, here we go…

*cracks knuckles*

I have to admit that before I really started to dig into this, I didn’t realize just how many Bantam Era (and beyond) Star Wars books this man has illustrated. Nearly 50 titles, ranging from novels to comics, short stories & even an RPG supplement. 🤯 

And so, after much consideration, I decided to just pull all the titles that feature his art off my bookshelf and take a few pics for you guys:

First off, I just want to point out that I don’t have every book he’s ever illustrated. Some of them are just harder than hard to find, are hilariously expensive, or I just don’t have an edition that features his art prominently - you’ll see what I mean. Right off the bat though, you can see that he was really hitting his stride in the mid-90′s, with all but a handful of these coming out between ‘94 & ‘99. One of the highlights from this time for me, is The Callista Trilogy.

I just want to stress that The Callista Trilogy is a highlight for me only because of its gorgeous cover art. 🤣 Other than that, this book series needs to go lay down. 

Anyway, the designs are all really striking and even after all these years, absolutely iconic. And you can really see Struzan’s distinct visual style at play here; not a painting in the same vein as something from Dave Doorman, and not a simple trace. Rather, something that is stylized in a very particular, very subtle way, almost to the point where it appears photo-realistic at first glance. Beautiful.

Next up is this trio of trilogies (good use of words, me), collected in these Science Fiction Book Club (SFBC) hardcovers: 

Once again, these covers are just striking, particularly The Black Fleet Crisis. This is actually what I was referring to when I said that I don’t always have the best editions for a Drew Struzan appreciation post. 😅 

Because these are hardcover collections of paperback books, we actually miss out on a good bit of the art. For these SFBC special editions, the publisher just took all three and basically photoshopped the best bits of each one together. The one that suffers the most here is obviously The Corellian Trilogy, where they didn’t even try to blend everything together, and instead just separated everything into columns. I don’t personally mind it (and I do love having the hardcover editions of these books) but if you want to see the covers as they were originally intended, just pickup those mass market paperbacks. 🙂

There’s a lot more to get through, so I’ll just hit the highlights here; even though he didn’t illustrate The Thrawn Trilogy (that was Tom Jung, who I personally think did an okay-ish job at best), he did an absolutely amazing job with the follow-up, The Hand of Thrawn Duology in ‘98 & ‘99:

I’ve always loved these covers. And narratively speaking, they really do serve as one last hurrah on the Bantam Era. Oh, and also please note, Mara Jade on the cover of Vision of the Future, just as Zahn originally described her. ❤❤❤

If you step back and look at Struzan’s work as a whole, it’s all incredibly unified. I bring this up here because even though some of these are books relatively ‘meh’ worthy, Struzan maintained a level of quality that belied the mediocrity contained within. And also to say that he was definitely busy, particularly in 1994:

That’s right - all of these released in ‘94, within a few months of one another. These covers man… *chef’s kiss*

And look I’m sorry, I just can’t help myself: The Crystal Star was a hilarious joke until we all realized they were serious about it. 😳

Alright, that’s a little on the harsh side; it’s not nearly as bad as most make it out to be, and Waru as a source for unlimited power (citation needed 👀😉) isn’t any more ridiculous than the 50 other post-Palpy, hair-brained Imperial schemes that everybody else cooked up, so I guess it fits. And besides, I really wanna be nice to Vonda McIntyre here, but this book was just so so boring. 😴

*clears throat* Moving on, here we have a couple Barnes & Noble hardcover collections of The Jedi Prince Series:

The same thing applies here; cover art photoshopped from across 6 different YA novels to get these. They don’t look bad, far from it. But rather this series has some things that people would rather forget about, namely a supposed son of Palpatine (spoiler: he wasn’t) named Triclops who had - wait for it - 3 eyes. 

Like Tien. From DBZ. Yep. 🤦‍♂️

Moving further down the list, we have yet another pair of iconic cover designs, being I, Jedi (the only Star Wars novel written in the first person, and an appropriate riff on Isaac Asimov’s I, Robot - yes ladies & gentlemen, that is as clever as Star Wars gets) and The New Rebellion.

Classics, no doubt….but for reals, did anybody else ever wonder why the X-Wing on the cover of I, Jedi is missing an S-Foil? Or how that one slipped through??? 👀

Ah, at last we arrive at what is arguably Struzan’s most famous work; the covers for Shadows of the Empire & The Star Wars Trilogy: Special Edition.

It’s hard to overstate just how important Shadows of the Empire really was for Star Wars as a brand. In an era where SW books were already extremely popular, the Shadows of the Empire Multimedia Project basically served as a breakout hit and reignited interest in SW media across the board. This was in no small part due to the striking imagery captured on its cover - are you seeing a pattern here?

This success actually renewed Lucas’ interest in a theatrical re-release of the OT in 1997….which of course, feature more beautiful art from Drew Struzan:

These are my OG Special Edition VHS tapes from back in the day. I watched these so damn much as a kid. In fact, they’re basically the whole reason that I’m here, annoying the shit out of everybody today. 😁

After the Bantam Era concluded & the Star Wars publishing license went to Del Rey, Struzan did progressively fewer pieces for SW media. Here we see his contribution for the latter half of the Last of the Jedi YA series, and his kick-ass cover art for the Darth Maul comic: 

And when I say that Struzan did progressively fewer pieces for Star Wars, I am of course omitting his turn as the poster artist for the freaking Prequel Trilogy: 

Say what you will about the films, but these poster designs are nothing short of genius. 

Look guys, it would be pretty easy for me to downplay Struzan’s Star Wars portfolio as just one small part of his incredible career. But my dudes, this is literally just the tip of the iceberg. The man has been a professional illustrator for over 50 years, and his art has delighted and inspired generations. From Star Wars to Indian Jones, and from Back to the Future to Blade Runner - Drew Struzan has played an integral part in shaping popular culture. 

Here’s to you, sir. 🍻

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 07 part one

(Masterpost)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Clan Sanren

Lanny Granny gets a second wind and continues her Yin Iron Webinar.

Wei Wuxian explains that although he was adopted by the Jiang Clan, Baoshan Sanren is his grandmaster, via his mom. Lan Yi claims to think that this is pretty great.

Lan Yi: Wow, amazing, my ex girlfriend who I dumped has settled down and started her own family Clan now, that’s so great. I’m so happy for her. So happy. So great. I mean, when I left I didn’t really picture her finding happiness first, you know? I kind of expected to have settled down myself by now but it’s hard to date when you’re trapped in an ice cave putting headbands on rabbits for 100 years. But it’s fine! I love my life and I’m sure eventually I’ll find that special rabbit person.  Anyway I’m just...SUPER happy for Baoshan. Really. Really happy. For Baoshan. 

Lan Wangji also appears to have thoughts about it, because he reacts pretty intently.

 Lan+Sanren 4EvR. 

Wang Yibo is looking extra fine in this cave sequence, with no headband to distract from his fierce eyebrows.  

Lan Wangji asks Lan Yi if she’s the one who pulled them into the cave, and she says nope, and then nobody ever explains how they ended up in the cave. “Perhaps it’s destiny” does not count as an explanation. 

Lan Gran explains that her battery is running down. The Lan bunnies are not energizer bunnies, apparently. She also tells them that it’s impossible to destroy the Yin Iron and that the only solution is to put it back in the cave and try to suppress it again. 

(more after the cut)

However by Episode 23 it inexplicably becomes super easy to destroy the Yin Iron...

...meaning Lan Yi spent 100 years in a cave for nothing, other than writing the Definitive Guide to Rabbit Headbands. 

Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji get back into Hardy Boys cultivator mode, but this time with an extremely long held gaze, which I think is their first time doing this.

I mean...even if these boys are 100% neurotypical (and hello, they are not), this is a LOT of eye contact. I can't gaze that long at anything except my phone screen. 

We Will Achieve The Thing Together

Narrator: they will not achieve the thing

The reason I got into c-drama in the first place is, after decades of western storytelling tropes, it’s so refreshing to watch a story and have literally no idea what’s going to happen. Even when the story sets things up to happen a certain way according to my learned experience of stories, it just doesn’t play out that way. For example, if you’re watching The Lost Tomb Reboot and you expected the jade-mining sequence to end with a slave uprising, you were as surprised as I was. 

Here Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian promise to do their best to find and suppress the Yin iron. Lan Wangji is going to fail at this, allowing this here piece to fall into the hands of the Wens, because unlike his uncle he's not willing to let his clan die to protect it.  

Wei Wuxian is going to take his not-doing-the-thing several steps further, finding and refining his very own piece of extra-badass Yin iron. Yes, he has reasons for this and a lot of stuff happens along the way, but in terms of your typical quest storyline, it would be as if Frodo figured out how to use the one ring to kick Sauron’s ass, rather than (with help) destroying it. Again: this is why I LIKE c-drama. 

Lan Wangji tries to shut Wei Wuxian out of his quest and Wei Wuxian makes a short but utterly character-defining speech. 

You can’t stop me

I know what’s right. 

And then he says that his Grandmaster Baoshan Sanren was isolated because of the Yin Iron, and he has a responsibility to her. Lan Yi agrees. So...he just kinda quit the Jiang Clan right there, didn’t he? In favor of eventually becoming a wandering cultivator like his Grandmaster and clan uncle (Xiao Xichen), and like his mother. 

He is also going to follow in his father’s footsteps by upsetting his Clan Leader when he falls in love. Gosh, he also, like his parents, will die and leave an orphan to fend for himself. So -- the apple doesn't fall far from the tree I guess.

He doesn't realize the pickle he’s getting himself into, of course. Being Wei Wuxian, he thinks he can balance all of his increasing obligations, but being human, he won’t be able to. 

Pardon Our Entwinement

Lan Yi leaves to catch the spiritual plane, the Yin iron drops, the ward breaks, and Wen Ning appears to download a new software update. The kind that breaks your video driver and photoshops your eyeballs.  

Wen Qing comes nosing around the cave wall, and Jiang Cheng stops by to ask what she’s up to. 

He hopes she’s trying to find his brother, just like he will fail to do for her & her brother one day.  

The boys fall out of the wall together, in a nice example of the “oops I’m accidentally humping you” c-drama romance trope. To keep it censor-friendly, Wei Wuxian is actually on the ground next to Lan Wangji’s right knee but the shot is framed so that at a glance he appears to be in a much cozier position. 

Lan Wangji goes on an expression journey don’t say facial through several “oh shit we’re caught” faces, while Wei Wuxian shows Lan Wangji a few iterations of his oh-face. 

Jiang Cheng wants to know what the fuck they have been getting up to for a day and a night. 

The movie wasn't so hot, it didn't have much of a plot, we fell asleep our goose is cooked our reputation is shot

Wen Qing detects that they were somewhere cold and decides it’s her turn to ask nosy questions. Lan Wangji does the guilty startle thing. 

Fortunately Wei Wuxian doesn’t have that problem.

He turns his answer into a prolonged whine about how cold it was, how lost they were, etc. This annoys Jiang Cheng into dropping it and saying they should head back. 

I’m awesome right? so awesome right?

Wei Wuxian gives Lan Wangji a significant look to show that he’s deploying a rhetorical strategy on purpose to distract his questioner. Lan Wangji super does not know how to do that. 

Flute + Yin Iron = Profit

Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji get to watch as Lan Qiren and Lan Xichen tame the hunk of iron and stick it in the bag of holding. Wei Wuxian pays verrrryyy careful attention to this whole “use a flute to control the Yin iron” lesson. 

Lan Xichen really should reconsider his music-lessons side hustle. Arguably this one doesn’t turn out as badly for him personally as teaching guqin to Jin Guangyao does, but it doesn’t turn out great, either. 

知己啊  - zhi-ji-ah

This mostly-tedious Yin Iron conversation with the elders includes a super-important WangXian moment.

Wei Wuxian calls Lan Wangji his zhiji. This is the same word he will use later in the “what am I to you?” conversation during the Jin night hunt, and the word Lan Xichen will use when saying why Lan Wangji wouldn’t repudiate him during his forced isolation. As always, for the full meaning of this word, @hunxi-guilai​ is brills.

A Wen spy bird shows up, and Lan Wangji really wants to chase it, but Lan Xichen says no. 

This happens a lot, actually. Lan Wangji is not a cool-headed person, despite appearances.  Likewise the boys want to go searching for the Yin Iron and the adults want them to slow their roll. 

Being a teenager is frustrating, particularly with a classic “I didn’t actually listen to you before making a decision” adult like Lan Qiren in charge. 

Lying is my First Class Spiritual Tool

Nie Huasang shows up and has his usual hilariously varied reaction to Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji - an enthusiastic “Wei-Xiong!” followed by a nervous & meek “Lan Er Gongzi” and a bow to Lan Wangji.  

He wants to know what happened and Wei Wuxian once again shows his powers of rhetoric. 

I like to call it my “devil snake.” 

He puts off all of Nie Huaisang’s potential questions by really knowing his questioner well and completely distracting him.  

This time Lan Wangji seems impressed. 

Jelly Jiang Cheng

Young Master Cockblock shows up and lets loose with a display of total naked jealousy. That carving on Wei Wuxian’s bed back in Lotus Pier...is that him and Jiang Cheng? Because damn, this boi is jealous. 

...and so is Lan Wangji, apparently, or at least he’s disappointed to have Wei Wuxian taken away from him like that.  

Yearn Mode Enabled

Club Ruohan’s Foyer

Wen Chao and Xue Yang stand awkwardly in Wen Ruohan’s vestibule talking to the boss through a giant door, because sure, why not. 

This doesn’t bother Xue Yang, who as usual has no fucks to give. Except that today, Wen Ruohan tells him that the budget for his project finally got approved, which lifts his spirits quite a bit. 

His project to single-handedly slaughter an entire clan, and he is super excited about the kickoff meeting. 

Wen Chao is mopey because his brother gets all the good murder assignments and his dad doesn’t appreciate him. Boo fucking hoo. 

Periodic reminder that He Peng looks like this when he’s not playing Wen Chao.

Part 2 coming soon!

Soundtrack: Wake Up, Little Susie by the Everly Brothers

Bonus