#i have another really long story i've been wanting to finish since about christmas so obviously i wrote this instead

[thegainingdesk]

Regret

Vidhur couldn't pull his eyes away from his reflection in the mirror. The face he saw was familiar, for the most part - the same floppy hair stylishly quaffed, the same dark, playful eyes, framed by long, almost girlish eyelashes, the same long, thin nose, the same perfect, straight, white teeth. He'd even gotten used to the small gut that had recently become a permanent fixture on his previously athletic frame. But he couldn't take his eyes off of his jawline.

Vid knew, logically, he'd get a double chin sooner or later, that his face would change as he put on weight. Seeing it though, in the bright, unforgiving lights of the Weatherspoons loos, was quite another matter.

He should, he knew, be excited. Another external sign of the weight he was putting on, another gainer milestone ticked off, another change to his growing body to wank to later. But god, didn't he used to be so handsome? His sharp jawline, his cheekbones - he didn't expect them to get buried so quickly. He told himself it was the bad lighting, puffiness from the alcohol, he'd had a salty lunch. But he knew, this was his face now. He’d seen it coming for a while, ignored the changes in favour of focussing on the soft curve forming at his middle.

“What you doing then?”

Vid was snapped out of his reverie as his mate Trent walked in. He shook his head. “Nothing. Nothing. Sorry, just thinking.”

“Fuuuck mate,” Trent groaned. “Can't be doing that. That's what the beer’s for. Here, you need to go get yourself another one if you're starting to do shit like thinking.”

Vid laughed and nodded. “Yeah, yeah, I suppose you want one as well do you? Here, you fancy ordering some food?”

-

“Fuck!” Vidhur snapped, as he let go of the two sides of his waistband, and let his gut once again push them apart. He'd been struggling with them for five minutes now, sucked in his belly as far as it would go, tried to do them up lying down, tried yanking them suddenly, coaxing them slowly, but nothing would convince the two sides of the fabric to meet.

Vid looked down at the jeans lying crumpled on the floor. His boss would bollock him, he knew, if he turned up looking so casual. Maybe if he wore a jacket with them? No, his office was notorious for keeping up appearances, and besides, he didn't want to look like Jeremy Clarkson. He could stop off and buy some smart trousers before work? At that point, it was a choice between turning up on time wearing jeans or arriving properly dressed but late. Neither option seemed viable. He could hold his trousers together with a safety pin, maybe, and hide it with a belt? Not that he owned any safety pins, or realistically believed that worked outside of weight gain stories.

He sat down on his bed and sighed into his hands. He’d only bought a whole new wardrobe of 38-inch trousers and extra large shirts just over a month ago, and despite them becoming increasingly tight and pinching in the past couple of weeks, he’d managed to convince himself that they'd last him a little while at least. Unfortunately, he'd found his most recent growth particularly thrilling, and it had spurred him into some rather spectacular feats of gluttony, leading him into a rather vicious cycle of growth inspiring ever faster growth. Last Thursday he'd spent the whole day at work frantically itching his fleshy sides, only to see bright red lines there when he got undressed at home later that night. The revelation had pushed him into a weekend of unbridled gluttony, his uncomfortably swollen gut only adding to his sexual fervour and willing him on to stuff himself even more.

Vid didn't know whether to be thrilled with the effects of the weekend’s feasting, or horrified. He couldn't really need the next size of trousers up already, could he? But the evidence was right in front of him, straining around his waist, thighs and arse. This was getting out of control. Yes, he found fat guys hot, yes, he wanted to experience it for himself, but his little experiment was supposed to be twenty, maybe thirty pounds at most. Now here he was, 255 pounds, checking to see if Next had any 40-inch trousers in stock, and a couple of 42-inch just to be safe, wondering how long it would be until he needed new shirts as well. Was he even attracted to guys this big? He was bigger than even his university boyfriend Hamish had gotten all those years ago. No, he'd look at gym memberships this afternoon, this had all gone far enough.

Still though, he might as well get some McDonald’s breakfast while he was out. He didn't have to lose all the weight.

Vid picked up his phone. “Ellis? Yeah, hi, I'm really sorry, I'm going to have to work from home today. Yeah, a burst pipe, sorry.”

-

“Did you see his shirt today?” Vid heard Harriet-from-finance ask in a hushed tone.

“Stop!” came Liam-from-reception’s laughing reply. “I thought it was about the burst off of him!”

Vidhur stopped outside the break room and looked down at his shirt, which was notably straining around his gut. He had, he knew, outgrown 2XLs a while ago, but work had been so hectic that he'd not had time, or at least that's what he told himself. At weekends he was so preoccupied with stuffing himself, with pushing himself to beat personal challenges and records, and left in such a stupor afterwards, that he forgot everything else he needed to do. He had, at least, hoped that it wasn't quite so noticeable, and had thrown on a tie and cardigan in an effort to hide some of the worst of it.

He also, quietly, hoped that maybe this was as big as he'd ever get. That 2XL would be the biggest he'd ever see on a clothes tag. He knew that it made no sense, that his constant gorging guaranteed his continued growth, that he was already in dire need of some 3XLs, that every attempt he'd made to curb his growth had resulted in abject failure. Still though, he really hadn't wanted to get this big, honest.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Liam’s voice asked.

“You may in fact tell me nothing else,” Harriet’s voice replied.

“I actually used to fancy him,” Liam whispered.

Vid heard Harriet scream. “You did not! No, I'm sorry, you absolutely did not. Him? Seriously? He's so fat!”

“He genuinely used to be fit, before you started” Liam replied. “Like, properly fit. But then like a year ago he just suddenly got fat out of nowhere.”

Vid's stomach lurched. He knew that his weight gain was obvious, that everyone could see it, but he'd told himself that people still saw him as ‘chubby’, or ‘husky’, or ‘large’. To hear people call him fat, that some people were surprised he’d ever been anything else… Time, maybe, for him to stick to a diet. He took a deep breath in, sucked in his gut and walked into the break room.

“Oh hey guys, how are you?” he asked.

The pairs’ eyes widened and they both plastered on wide, fake smiles.

“Hey Viddy,” Liam drawled. “Oh, we’re good. We were just saying that Terry looks like he's put on some weight recently, weren't we Harriet?”

Harriet choked on her coffee and Vid saw her mouth “Stop it!” across the table at Liam.

“I don't know,” Vid replied. “He looks the same as ever to me.”

“Maybe,” Liam said, smiling. “I suppose, the thing is, I'm quite health conscious, so I notice these kinds of things.”

Vid saw Harriet slap Liam’s thigh and bite her lip. “Maybe,” Vid replied, seething. “Do you know if these donuts are for everyone?” he asked. “I've got a real sugar craving.”

“I think so,” Liam replied, before turning to Harriet and mouthing “Oh my god!” The two shook with silent laughter.

“Great,” Vid smiled. He took three.

-

“Oh my god, Terry! You look amazing!”

Vid looked up to see his co-worker Terry walk into the office after his holiday, with a broad smile on his face, an almost radioactive looking tan, and, most importantly, a significantly deflated gut. Terry held his arms out, showing off his baggy shirt and laughed. The office came to a standstill while everyone went over to congratulate him on his near-miraculous weight loss.

Vidhur declined to join the throng of people, instead looking down at the large gut filling his lap, and the small patch of sausage grease on his shirt from the first of that morning’s breakfast sandwiches. For a while now, he'd taken comfort in the fact that no matter how big he was getting, no matter how much weight he put on, as long as he stayed smaller than Terry, as long as he wasn't the fattest guy in the office, at least he was still in the realm of normality - a level of fat that an average member of the public could reach, without intentionally gorging themselves like Vid was doing. Okay, yes, Terry was thirty years older than Vidhur, and he'd put on his excess blubber over many years of sedentary desk work, happy marriage and living the good life, rather than Vid’s explosive weight gain of almost two hundred pounds over the last couple of years, but it remained a convenient and happy lie he could tell himself.

While Vid knew he’d been close to catching up with Terry anyway, he'd assumed that the effect of six weeks of all-you-can-eat buffets on Terry’s 58-year old metabolism would easily match the fifteen pounds Vid had put on while the older man was away. He felt ashamed. Sick. He'd blown himself up like a freak and now he was the fattest person he knew. Had he really ever meant to get this big? He'd just wanted to get a beer belly, hadn't he? Not this sack of lard he'd become.

“How did you do it Terry?” Sarah asked. Vid looked over. Maybe Terry was ill - some intestinal parasite caught in some distant country. Maybe, now he'd recovered, Terry was about to blow right back up, fatter than he'd ever been before, ready to take his heavyweight crown back from Vidhur.

“Well, I'd been thinking of dieting for a little while now,” Terry explained cheerfully. “I'd uh, well. I'd realised what I looked like. Just how fat I was.” Vid saw Terry look over at him, then look away again, a look of embarrassment on his face. Vid’s heart sank. Of course he was the huge monster that convinced Terry, the perpetually happy, lifelong fatty, just how disgusting his weight was.

“Well,” Terry continued, his face awkwardly turned away from where Vid was sat. “I thought the cruise would be awful for it, you know, all those buffets. But actually, they had these places you could go and they'd make me up these new salads every day, and I asked what was in them so I could make them at home - I've got them all written down. And the ship had this gym, and people there to help me. Three stone, I’ve lost so far.” The crowd around him gasped, ahh-ed and ooh-ed in astonishment at his feat. Terry waved them off. “Most of it was water weight, I lost most of it in the first couple of weeks.” Still, the admiration continued, and through the day Vid would cringe at each comment of congratulations. He noticed that a lot of people seemed to be avoiding him today - his size having been amplified by Terry’s sudden relative slimness.

“I hope you don't mind me saying Vid,” Terry said quietly later that day. “It's just, I know it's not easy, being so… well, you know.” Vid gave a short, uneasy smile in recognition that he did, in fact, know. “Well, I always thought I'd never be able to lose it. Told myself I was big boned, or that I had a slow metabolism, or that I just had too much of an appetite. But you know what Vid?” Vid could hear the pride in Terry's voice. “I just needed to decide to do it. It was easy in the end. Here, if I can do it, a young thing like you definitely can, eh?”

Vid smiled. He was terribly aware of the way he could feel the small action make his double chin crease even more. “Yeah, cheers Terry, I…” He paused and thought. “Maybe I have let it get too far.”

“If you ever need any healthy recipes or anyone to talk to, you know where I am, eh?” Terry smiled. “Here, can you believe I was almost twenty-four stone before my cruise? That was a wake-up call, I'll tell you that much.”

Vid whistled and raised his eyebrows. “Wow, yeah. That sure is… that sure is quite the number,” he said, giving a small chuckle. He turned back to his computer, knowing that he'd weighed in at over twenty-five stone that weekend. He had to lose some fucking weight.

-

Vid felt his whole body shake as he crashed to the floor. He wasn't sure if the crack of the chair breaking or the thwap of his soft body hitting the floor was louder, but he knew the combination was enough to bring the entire office crowding around his desk in a circle.

He lay on his side for a moment, dazed and winded as his co-workers murmured and pointed. He struggled into a crawling position, and did his best to ignore the roaring pain in his left hip and knee where he'd landed on them. In this position, his gut hung down far enough that it almost touched the ground. Vid's arms shook with the strain of holding up his weight, his heart pounded, and his breath was shallow and ragged.

“Come on, come on, help the man up,” Vid heard Terry's voice somewhere above him. “Here you go, easy now.” Vid felt a pair of hands grip his large flabby upper arms and strain to help him up. He did his best to not put too much weight onto the much smaller man as he staggered to his feet, but even so, he could see Terry struggle to stay upright. “You're okay, you're okay, there you are.” 

If Vid had enough breath, he'd have wanted to tell Terry that he wasn't a shell shock victim or a startled horse, and didn't need treating like one. Instead, he gasped out a breathless ��thank you.”

“Come on, come on, someone get him a chair,” Terry barked at the gawping onlookers.

“Terry,” Sarah said out of the corner of her mouth. “Isn't the problem, you know, that the chairs don't support him?”

Vid wanted the ground to swallow him up. If he put on much more weight, perhaps it would. “I'll just go to the break room,” he said, refusing to meet anyone's eye.

“That's a good idea,” Terry said, still holding Vid’s arm and beginning to guide him. The crowd parted to allow Vid’s elephantine figure past, people pressing themselves into the desks on either side. “Let's get you sat on a nice comfy settee. Here, just let me…” He began pulling on Vid’s shirt, who looked down to see that it had ridden up so that most of Vid's soft, hanging gut was on show, with pale stretch marks almost glaring against his brown skin.

Behind Vid, he heard a creak and turned around to see Sarah probing the floor with her foot. “Yeah, I think the floorboard’s broken,” she sighed. Vid hastily helped Terry pull his shirt down, his pulse racing with shame.

Vid sat eating a plate of biscuits and a mug of “overly-sweet” tea (Terry's words; just the thing after a shock apparently. Vid didn't bother to tell him that it had less sugar than he usually put in it himself). He looked up as the door opened and his manager Ellis walked in, three years younger than Vid, and half his weight.

“HR says we’ve got to buy you a reinforced chair,” Ellis snapped. “Reasonable adjustments or some shit. If you ask me, the reasonable adjustment would be for you to lose some of that fucking blubber. Fucking hell man, I'm surprised the chair went before your heart did.”

The settlement made Vid very comfortable indeed.

-

Dr Wiltshire tutted as she looked at the charts in front of her. “If I'm being honest, you're lucky your blood pressure isn't even higher, considering your weight,” she said, not bothering to look up. She began to type something on her computer.

“Yeah, I get that I’ve-” Vid began.

“I can't believe it's taken you this long to come in,” the doctor interrupted. “Your records say that you last came in-,” she tapped at the screen and inhaled sharply, “four years ago. You've put on almost three-hundred pounds in that time, did you know that?”

“I guess I-”

She grabbed his forearm and pulled it towards herself. “I'm going to have to take some blood for a diabetes test,” she snapped. “If I can find a vein,” she added in a murmur.

Despite knowing his gut more than covered his crotch, Vid struggled against the erection he could feel forming. He'd stayed away from the doctors for years, knowing that he'd be judged for his explosive weight gain, and now he'd left it so long that it was so much worse than he could possibly imagine.

“We'll put you on some medication to lower your blood pressure, at a minimum,” Dr Wiltshire said once she'd taken some blood. “Its very likely that you’ll need to be on insulin as well, but we’ll talk about managing your diabetes at another appointment.”

“Well I thought we still had to test-”

“Yes, yes, we’ll need confirmation before we put you on ozempic. We can talk about that once we sort out your insulin,” she said.

“Well, I'm not sure I'd want to go on ozempic,” Vid said. “I've heard some bad things about it.”

Dr Wiltshire sighed. “Well, have you also heard some rather bad things about morbid obesity as well?”

Vid sat in silence the rest of the appointment, vowing to take on all of her advice, to make the changes to his diet she suggested, to start exercising more. He really had let all this get too far. He couldn't believe how badly he'd jeopardised his health for a fetish. Once he left, he realised he'd never even told her about the knee pain he'd made the appointment for.

-

“Go on,” Lee said, standing on the bed over Vid, stroking his thick erection. “Say it.”

“Please,” Vid said, as he strained towards his crotch.

“Please what?” Lee said. He raised a foot and pressed it lightly down on Vid's gut.

“Please let me cum,” Vid pleaded.

Lee’s face feigned bemusement. His hand continued pumping his cock. “You're allowed to cum,” he said. “You remember. We agreed that you needed to finish all-” he gestured towards the pile of fast food wrappers spilling over the side of the bed and onto the floor with his free hand “-of that food if you wanted to cum. And you did! Well done you.”

“But I can't…” Vid said.

“Sorry,” Lee said, bending slightly. At no point did his stroking slow. “What was that?”  His free hand pressed his ear forward.

“I can't make myself cum,” Vid said, his face flushing. “I can't reach my cock.”

Lee's hand sped up slightly. “Oh my!” he said, his face and voice in mock surprise. “Why wouldn't you be able to do that then?”

Vid was equal parts horny and genuinely embarrassed. “Because I'm too fat,” he said, collapsing back onto his pillows. “Because I can't reach around my fat gut, and even if I could, my dick is too small because it's been swallowed up by all my fat.”

Lee’s hand let go of his cock, and he let it hang, heavy and pulsing between his muscular thighs. “Why didn't you say?” he said, a smile spreading on his face. “Well then, you'll need me to do it for you I suppose then, won't you?” Vid nodded. “Sorry, what was that?” Lee asked. “I can’t see your gestures because they get swallowed by all the fucking fat.”

“Yes,” Vidhur said. He bit his lip.

“Well then. Eating all that food was the requirement for you being allowed to cum, not for me to do it for you,” Lee explained. “You'll have to have dessert if you want me to do that for you.” He shuffled forwards on the mattress, the motion made difficult by having to navigate around Vid’s sheer width. He lowered himself down until he was sat on Vid’s chest, the tip of his cock so close to Vid's lips that Vid could feel its warmth. “Do you want dessert?” Lee asked.

Vid answered by leaning forward and taking Lee's length into his mouth. He sucked hungrily, and Lee began to rock back and forth. Vid focussed on his technique, eager to please, gently stroking Lee’s balls and gripping his firm thighs. Lee moaned and gave a couple of shaking thrusts, jamming his cock into the back of Vid's throat, before Vid felt thick jizz pour down his throat. Lee pulled back and sighed contentedly while Vid coughed.

“Please,” Vid said as Lee climbed off of him. “Me now.”

Lee tutted and smiled. “Silly fatty!” he said. “That wasn't dessert. That was my cock.” He leant down and pulled a cake from below the bags he'd stashed beneath the bed. “No, this is dessert.”

Vid shook his head. “I'm too full. Please, I can't.”

Lee smiled. “I think you can. Big boy like you. And all that exercise you were doing trying to reach your little nub of a cock must have worked up quite an appetite.”

Vid closed his eyes and breathed heavily. His cock ached below the heavy pressure of his gut. “Give me the cake,” he said.

“I thought so,” Lee said. He didn't bother cutting the cake, just brought the whole thing to Vid's lips. Vid took huge bites, trying to eat it quick enough to trick his body into not noticing the huge amount of calories and sugar being forced into it. It didn't work. His stomach was straining and painful by the time he finished, and his head was spinning.

He was so dazed from the sugar that he could barely remember his aching cock, and was almost surprised when Lee's thick arm slid underneath his gut and began to work the exposed tip of his once impressive cock. Within thirty seconds, Vid yelled out and shook as he felt his crotch fill with semen.

“Same time next week?” Lee asked, wearing a thin pair of sweatpants and pulling on a muscle-tee, while Vid waddled back from the shower.

“Yeah. Money's on the bedside table,” Vid said.

Lee nodded. “Yeah, I got it, thanks.” He stayed sitting, unusual for him. “That was new, wasn't it?” he asked after a moment.

“What was?” Vid asked.

“Not being able to reach yourself,” Lee said. “You've done it before, but always pretending, part of play. That was different, wasn't it? You really couldn't?”

Vid shrugged. “For a while now. Too much in the way,” he explained.

“Right, right,” Lee said quietly. “You okay with that? I mean, I know this is your thing and everything. Shit, it's my thing too. But, you know, it's okay to not be okay with parts of it. To take a step back? I know how this can sort of run away with you. I used to think I didn't like guys over three-hundred, now that's my entire client-base.”

Vid nodded. “I'm okay with it. I've… well, I've definitely not been okay with it sometimes. But I've always kept going. Gotten okay with it, in the end.”

Lee nodded. “Okay. Good. Well, you’ve got my number if you need to talk, yeah? I won't even charge if I've got my clothes on,” he joked. “Or I could put you in touch with some other big guys? One of my exes is even bigger than you, might be good to talk to?”

“Yeah, that would be good thanks,” Vid said with a smile. “But, genuinely, I'm fine. I've got a good community going, I've come to terms with all the shit that comes along with this.”

Lee stood up. “Okay then,” he said. “No regrets?” he asked.

Vid shook his head. “No regrets.”

[acre-of-wheat]

Tagged by @spybrarian! Thaaaank you!

1. How many works do you have on Ao3? 

I have 26

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 

338,736

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I used to write Clexa, but now I just write Tanthamore

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Network Connectivity Issues (ahead by a lot)

A story I'm deeply in love with writing, due to its closeness to my heart and because of the novel way it's written-- which is live on a discord server whenever the mood strikes. Fanfic is typically serialized work, but this feels like...even closer to that immediacy, and it can be quite electric.

The Pieces

A collaborative collection of one shots in the Kinkverse universe (talked about below)

The Bite

Canon compliant fic about longing and how it can come out in your teeth.

The Stones

Essentially a sick fic with some fun world building

The Test

Long distance edging and denial. The fantasies were some of my favorite things to write.

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to! Sometimes it takes me awhile!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? 

Out of finished fics I suppose it would be The Beloved Prey, though I do have a handful of things I've written to continue that.

Unfinished it would be the unpublished sequel to My Own Echo.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? 

I think maybe The Stones. Magic holding and accepting Jade because of Kit's love for her feels pretty happy.

Oh! And Network Connection Secure. The Cam girls having a proposal moment that's distinctly them? Very sweet and I wrote it for Christmas.

8. Do you get hate on fics? 

Not on these ones!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? 

Yes, yes I do. The majority of my work contains it. I think the weirdest I've written (so far) is probably Spare the Rod.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I'm not really big on crossovers, so this isn't something I've done. I'll go hard on an AU though.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nah.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? 

Nope! Translation is an art in itself-- I think I'd find the idea of someone doing that a little daunting?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? 

Kinda! @swashbucklery, @spybrarian, @commanderbuffy and I have all written pieces in what we call the Kinkverse. It was a brain child of mine that started with The Lesson, but has since become a collaborative writing world. It's been one of the most lovely experiences of my creative life. J has also written some supplemental material for NCI that I adore. @barmaid-anon and I brainstorm deranged plot ideas constantly, and she is my best/worst little gay graphic critic.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I'm going to need to say Tanthamore.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? 

I'm not going to speak this into existence. I'll say that there are a few fics that I have agonized over for a very, very, very, very, very long time.

16. What are your writing strengths? 

I think I get to the point pretty well. I keep action and development moving. I think I do some good figurative language. I trust my instincts on where a story needs to go next.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

The Agonies. The connective tissue between important scenes. Not knowing what to have characters do when they're on their own. Run on sentences. Too many WIPs and not enough commitment.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? 

I haven't ever found it necessary? I guess I feel about it the way I feel about captions for another language. You know when captions will say "speaks in a foreign language?" Bane of my existence. Either translate it or get out of here.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Pretty Little Liars. I was a big Paily fan for awhile there. Those live back on fanfiction.net

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? 

The Past feels really good to write because it pulls together all these threads in my brain for the Kinkverse girls, and it feels very unifying for that vision. It's satisfying connecting the dots.

As for who to tag on this: @barmaid-anon, @commanderbuffy, @swashbucklery, @multiplefandommess, @vetiverriver, @onlyshestandsthere, @claymoressword, @kittanthaloselorashield

[tuakaai]

Ep 2

This one was actually really fun I liked it.

Rapid fire untill the important stuff:

So, they all regained their powers. Yaaaay

Klaus doesn't. Yipiiiiiii. It makes a lot of sense and I'm happy it turned out well for him.

Lila's power is laser eyes... Since when?? I thought her powers was to mimic other's powers. This pissed me off a bit.

Again mention of the in-laws we never see.

The shark do do do do was annoying but that was kinda the point.

The vomit scene... Why even? Not a fan but watever.

Now, the town shenanigan was pretty fun! The whole town is in it to protect the daughter by any means necessary... One second Christmas carols another second a grandma and Santa Claus are shooting machine guns or watever. Amazing. It's actual fun with plot, very umbrella academy like.

Five discovers a metro that sends you to different timelines. That's a good setup! I'm interested in seeing where it goes.

Ben and the Jennifer end up forming a magical connection. (pun intended)

Oh! And Klaus got shot. Almost dies but gets "fed" marigold, regains his powers and lives. Look... Klaus really didn't want to regain his powers, and that choice was ripped out of him. Fucked up ethically speaking. However, this is a series, so I don't think it was a bad decision story-wise. It just depends on how it would develop (spoiler, not well) but it could've lead to some significant character and story development.

In the end, a fun episode.

Ep 3

One after another baby!

So Jennifer comes from a squid and it's very much the cataclysm/originator of the Clense... Very interesting, it's questionable introducing such an important new character to finish off the series (it's giving stranger thing introducing and killing a new character every season) but it could work out (if done well...)

We get to see Diego's detective side shining through. Kinda like S1, it's pretty cool, my boy is smart.

Klaus and Claire's scene broke my heart honestly. You can tell they care about each other so much but it's a difficult situation for Klaus to be in. I really would have hoped to see more of them together (maby they do...).

Now, it's the first time we see moon lady in the entire series, as in alive and standing. And there's no actual explanation or sadisfactory introduction... I don't know if I've missed something from previous seasons but, who is she? What was she doing in the moon, why? And this is a different timeline, so why does she thank Luther for watching over her?

Everyone's memories of Ben's death being altered is a great decision. I just now realised that we've never been given an explanation for it, just that it was an accident that fell under their responsability. I'm excited to see the outcome.

Anyway that was my scrambled thoughts of Episode 2 & 3. Good ultimately, let's see how long it lasts... I already know the last two are gonna be garbage so looking up to that.

And to think this had potential...

I'd love to see more details regarding what the cleansing is actually. Everything is pretty vague up untill now.

[oceangirl24]

20 Questions for Writers

Thanks @mrsmungus for the tag. ❤️

❣️How many works do you have on AO3?

13 total, including three fanart art gifts. The only writing I have is my current work. I'm bringing the old FFN stories over on another account.

❣️What is your total AO3 word count?

834,995- 1 million before the year's end would be nice.

❣️What fandoms do you write for?

So far only Boy Meets World. The fanart gifts have been in other fandoms.

❣️What are your top five fics by kudos? Autumn in Philadelphia Trilogy- 243

Flashbacks- 109

Christmas to Last a Lifetime- 94

Not too shabby for such a massive series with an OC as a main character.

❣️Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes. Eventually.

Ever single comment is incredibly important to me and I don't always have the spoons to respond the way I want to. Rather than rush a response, I wait until I can give it my full attention. There are times, however, when certain comments appear to go answered for months. Those are comments from people I am in touch with privately and have already thanked. I will respond to those in time as well.

❣️What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

The Darkest Night without question.

❣️What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

At this point, probably Christmas to Last a Lifetime.

❣️Do you get hate on your fic?

Is having someone throw a tantrum in your comments hate?

The writer who did this was upset over how the first part of AiP ended because they did not read the tags or summary. They also complained about my OC being better than theirs and whined about liking Audrey more as though at 11 years old I created with Aud malicious intent to hurt them 20+ years later. 🙄

This was the person who also tried to push me out of the fandom, harassed me, and stole my work.

So, hate, no. Immature, entitled behavior, yes.

❣️Do you write smut?

No it's not my thing to read or write. My story is canon compliant and I'm staying true to the content of the show as well. Since it's a 90s kids' sitcom, situations were only dealt with to a certain degree.

❣️Do you write crossovers?

Technically. lol The AiP trilogy is a crossover with BMW and its sequel show, Girl Meets World, but since it's in the same universe I don't count it.

I am in the works of doing a real crossover that I'm really excited about, hopefully soon.

❣️Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes. See the hate on fics response.

I debated how much to say since my socials are still being monitored but you know what, I don't care.

This person stole big chunks of my work from three of my stories and readers have noticed. That's how I became aware of it. Two readers brought it to my attention and just recently another mentioned it also.

I've dealt with it thanks to my dear friends who have had my back through this year + long ordeal.

And ngl, it was satisfying to see her panic and meltdown when the report was submitted and rush her ending. The subsequent attempts to cover her tracks have been popcorn worthy as they have been both comical and pathetic.

Anyone who knows me will tell you I'm too nice and give too much benefit of the doubt which is why no one outside of my friends' circle has seen the massive report on the theft and harrassment.

However, should you dear [REDACTED] try it again, I'm holding onto that report and won't be so nice the second time around. It won't be your friend who's been asking for the link since December 8th that I'll give it to either.

❣️Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not to my knowledge.

❣️Have you ever co-written a fic?

Not yet!!! But soon and I'm so excited.

❣️What's your all-time favorite ship?

As for canon ship, they change all the time, but currently it's

❣️What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

At this point it's looking like Birthday Wishes. lol I mean, I have it outlined to the end and the next chapter is almost ready to go, but I'm prioritizing Saudade and have little time for BW, unfortunately.

❣️What are your writing strengths?

I'm not sure. May be characterization? Possibly world building and character development.

❣️What are your writing weaknesses?

Conciseness. lol Also SPAG editing. My brain skips words like crazy when writing and even editing. No matter how many times I go over things, I miss so much.

❣️Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I avoid this personally because I know enough that I'd mess it up. And I only know Swedish which isn't really a language that figures into my work naturally.

As for fics I'm not writing, it really depends on how it's done.

❣️First fandom you wrote for?

Boy Meets World. First published was Labyrinth.

❣️Favorite fic you've ever written?

Ah, how to chose. Autumn in Philadelphia trilogy. I can't get anymore specific than that. lol

No pressure tags to play for: @axolotlsupremacyowo @tsunderesalty @amberlide @winterlovesong1 @justanotherpersonwhowrites @obscureobsidiandraws @stealing-your-kittens @bees-and-sunshine @ligercat

If anyone would like to be included in the tags, please let me know and I'll be sure to get you next time.

[the-blind-assassin-12]

20 Questions for Writers

I was tagged by the lovely @maggiemayhemnj - thank you!!

1. how many works do you have on AO3?

Ten. I was cross-posting everything for a minute there, but I lost steam and now I only post here - except for Aphelion, which I am co-writing with @something-tofightfor. That still gets posted in both places.

2. what's your total AO3 word count?

68,449 - not counting Aphelion. My tumblr word count is... a lot higher.

3. what fandoms do you write for?

Right now just Pedro Pascal characters.

4. top five fics by kudos?

Gonna go by notes on tumblr instead because that's where most of my stuff is:

Bes'laar Din Djarin x F!Reader (based on artwork by @stealyourblorbos!)

Survivor Blues Joel Miller x F!Reader

Forever Din Djarin x F!Reader

The Cold Offends Me Oberyn Martell x F!Reader (The Viper & The Wild Thing universe)

Point of No Return Ezra x OFC Clara

5. do you respond to comments?

I try to respond to all comments because I appreciate them SO MUCH MORE than I can accurately convey. I love hearing from people about what they liked or what shocked them or what made them feel things, and I really love the chance to sort of have a micro mini chat about it in the comments. That being said, sometimes I completely check out and miss a whole batch or a whole fic worth of comments goes unresponded to for far too long. And I always feel bad when that happens, which sometimes results in me responding to things WAY after the comments were left, to the point where it wouldn't surprise me if the person has already forgotten the fic/what they wrote... but I haven't forgotten how much it meant to me that they read and commented on my work. So even if it's 6 months to an eternity late, I intend to respond to them all.

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

It Pours From Your Eyes Joel x Tess

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I feel like most of them have happy endings, but we'll go with A Little Christmas Magic - Frankie x F!Reader as perhaps the fluffiest happy ending.

8. do you get hate on fics?

I have gotten non-fic specific hate directed at my writing before, but that was a few years ago and it hasn't happened since. Which is cool because the fewer people wasting their time and energy on being unnecessarily mean about things - let alone about stories about silly little fictional guys - the better.

9. do you write smut?

I do, but I do not consider it one of my strong suits, and I typically only include it if it fits with the overall story though a few times I have written smut just to be filthy as a challenge... and as a treat.

10. craziest crossover?

I've been slowly spinning a True Detective x Tim Rockford crossover like a rotisserie chicken for months but I've only managed to jot down a few unconnected snippets thus far. And a title. It's gonna be called (maybe, if I ever actually write it) Flat Circle, Twisted Game.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

No, but if I did I would be absolutely PISSED. And I can't say I'd be nice about it.

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope, but that would be cool AF.

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! I am currently co-writing Aphelion with @something-tofightfor and it is so much FUN.

14. all time favorite ship?

In all honesty it's probably Leslie Knope and Ben Wyatt. I was straight up ready to stop watching Parks and Rec if they didn't end up together.

15. what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

lol what kind of passive aggressive, self-doubt feeding question is this? I'd like to finish them all and I try like hell to believe that I will.

16. what are your writing strengths?

I think it's probably describing natural settings? But maybe dialogue. Idk.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

Smut. Also keeping the momentum to finish things in a timely fashion, but mostly smut.

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I try to only use it when it makes sense or when it benefits the story and not just as like... a novelty or an afterthought.

19. first fandom you wrote in?

Teeeeeeeeeeechnically? Like first one I ever made content for? I guess that would be the Twilight series. But I will not be sharing where to find that here. And if you find out where it is, you take that knowledge to the grave with you, you hear me? DO YOU HEAR ME, FRIENDS?

20. favorite fic you've written?

Even though it's nowhere near done, I love and am so very proud of Survivor Blues. But then again, even though it's a few years old now and I feel like my writing has grown since finishing it, Point of No Return will always have a very big piece of my heart.

Tagging: anyone who sees this and wants to play! Please tag me so I can see your answers!!

[suzyq31]

20 Questions Game

Thanks for the tag @nodirectionhome-ao3 and @practicecourts

How many works do you have on AO3? Currently at 17

2. What's your total A03 words count? 696,804

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Right now just Harry Potter

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Maybe Tomorrow: Post War. Harry and Hermione are renovating Potter Manor over Christmas then wake up into a different life. (almost finished!)

Iris: My first story, and the bane of my existence. Hermione flees after the war, five years later she's dragged back in by a dangerous situations. Follows my series Seasons. Hidden child trope, angst fest, long as hell and on hiatus. H/Hr

It Had To Be You: Post war, completed, steamy romcom with some loose inspiration from the film When Harry Met Sally. Co-written with @bettertoflee

Found: A spin off of Iris, and another alternate ending to Seasons. Never thought I would write an OC protagonist, but here we are!

My next highest kudos is another Harmony, but that's boring so going with my highest rated Jily fic which is Plans. It's also more Sirius & Lily focused, takes place right after Harry's born.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try my best! Sometimes I can forget if I'm distracted/dealing with real life stuff. But I am SO grateful for people who take the time to let me know they've read my work.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angtiest ending?

For now probably Spring or Winter in my Seasons Series.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Well seeing as how I struggle to finish anything...I guess the ones that are complete which is It Had To Be You and Home.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Yes, so far only in Harmony. It's a huge reason I don't participate in the fandom much and why I moderate comments. Most of it has been concentrated on my stories Iris and Found, but I've also received rude comments on other works including It Had To Be You (which got some very incel type comments, and is the main reason I only allow registered users and block instantly).

9. Do you write smut. If so what kind?

Yes, mostly reluctantly as I still get uncomfortable writing it, but some stories feel incomplete without some. Love reading it though! Not sure what kind means? Like M or E? I would say my smut is relatively tame. I've only written one E rated fic, which was co-written haha.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? Nope, can't imagine I ever would.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? No idea! People have asked me, but haven't seen them.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before? Yes! Working on my second collaboration with @bettertoflee. And my story Iris gets so much support from my beta Green_Eyes that it feels like she may as well be a co-writer!

14. What's your all-time favourite ship? I've shipped both my fave HP ships since around 2001 when I was a child and they haven't changed even with the dreaded epilogue for Harry and Hermione (I take Unlike a Sister as canon and breathe easier for it), or you know canon for James and Lily (which is why AU is so fun!)

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Ideally I'd like to finish all of them. If I didn't have such a strong editor/beta reader for Iris it would likely stay unfinished. I REALLY struggle with endings at the best of times and that story has a variety of factors that make it difficult for me.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'm very hard on myself, so its hard to think of positives. I do think I'm creative, and as someone with ADHD I often think outside the box. I think I have a good ear for dialogue. I've also received compliments on my descriptions/scene writing, as well as for conveying emotions. The thing I do love best about writing is seeing the growth year by year, story by story.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Plotting, getting stuck after the midway point. ADHD brain always wanting to jump to something new. Spelling/Grammar from years of French Immersion. Wordy, though REALLY have worked on this and I do so much slashing and cutting in my editing.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

No strong opinion unless it's constant.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Probably Harry Potter as a child. Although me and a friend wrote a That 70s Show script and posted it on fanfic.net back in middle school haha.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

This is a hard one. I am really proud of Maybe Tomorrow, I put a lot of my heart into it and it's actually complete except for some edits and additional scenes I'm contemplating.

I also really enjoyed writing Plans. And I'm proud of this short micro where I managed to stay under 1000 words!

I think this has made the rounds already! At least for Jily. But will tag;

@bettertoflee @myst867 @glitterwitch1 @riverwriter @runawayminds @annonymouslyblonde

[pixeldinostorytelling]

Hey there! uncharacteristically for me, i just did some maths and found out that if i keep using the Zombies, Run! app without a membership it will take me 59 years to finish the main storyline. I'm pretty sure that number is very very wrong because I'm really bad at maths, but the point stands that it will take me forever. Do you think getting a membership is worth it? I'm not really a fan of memberships im general but I also don't think i have the patience of following this story for literal years. Do you have any advice?

Hello runner 5! (long post sorry)

I got this ask while out on a run actually, and tried to structure my thoughts on this on the cooldown walk home (which wasn't very much of a cool or a down because holy hell the mission I just ran... but I digress.)

The regular membership in my local currency comes to about 23 USD billed annually. I'm going to assume it's slightly different based on your region because it's a little too round to have been converted, but just so you know what I'm looking at here. This is an amount I can confidently afford based on my living situation and spending habits, and it's billed around my birthday each year so it's like a gift to myself!

If I remember correctly, what pushed me over the edge to get the membership was wanting to use the 5k app after using the main app for walks for a while. The weekly unlocks mean I'd have to wait... 20-something weeks? with no use of the main app in order to do the 5k which is not optimal.

But I've kept it since, because running without the app is pretty boring to me, and running is a solid 97% of my exercise. And it's a lot cheaper than a gym membership! Seeing as a few years on I'm still using it consistently, it was a good choice for me. Amazing motivation. I get a little too excited about stories sometimes, but here it works in my favor!

This is of course my situation, but I hope that laying it out will help you see if you're in a similar position or if parts of it resonate with you, or see that it's completely opposite to you, and help you make a decision either way!

If you can afford one "round" of the membership (or ask for it for Christmas, if you celebrate it, or another holiday/birthday) I'd recommend getting it and immediately cancelling, seeing how well you use it for that period, and then decide if it's worth renewing!

[alexalily]

Alexa's Favorite Movies of 2023

The movies that I watched for the first time in 2023 that I enjoyed the most or that really stuck in my mind for some reason or another. They are presented in no particular order.

I also ranked all the 2023 new releases I watched this year.

If you would like to see a similar list about the video games I played in 2023, you can see it here on Tumblr or over on Backloggd.

If you would like to see a similar list about the books I read in 2023, you can see it here on Tumblr.

How to Blow Up A Pipeline (2022, dir. Daniel Goldhaber)

The scene in the bar has a Christmas tree in the background, therefore I am using this as my answer when someone asks about my favorite Christmas movie and I want to be an asshole about it.

The Way Things Go (2023, dir. Amalia Farrow)

For me, 2023 was a year where I lost a lot of friends. No drama, no arguments, no falling-outs. Sometimes people just drift away. Maybe I didn't do enough to maintain that friendship or maybe they didn't or maybe both of us didn't. But sometimes it happens. And I think it happened to me a lot this year. It's something that has happened to me a lot in life - this kind of drifting away from people or groups. But this year it seemed to happen a lot more and has left me frequently feeling much more alone than it has ever before. But also I found someone special this year and that's been amazing. And this two-and-a-half minute long shortfilm encapsulates that feeling better than my little blurb here did and better than any other piece of media I've ever seen.

The Way Things Go is available to watch on YouTube for free.

Tahara (2020, dir. Olivia Peace)

There are lots of movies featuring shitty teenagers but this feels like it really nails a lot of ways in which teenagers were shitty back when I was a shitty teenager. Some of the best written shitty teens I've ever seen, in movies or any other medium. Top tier shitheads all over the place here.

Carol (2015, dir. Todd Haynes)

New favorite Christmas movie, by a country mile.

I didn't really know anything about this movie besides Christmas Lesbians so the whole "fighting for custody of her child" plotline really caught me off guard. It's so damn good tho. The whole thing. This may end up being a yearly holiday rewatch.

Cassandro (2023, dir. Roger Ross Williams)

Wrestling is something that I've never been directly into but I love to hear about. Listening to people who love wrestling talk about it and describe the storylines and stories is so much fun. Honestly I think it may be the best way to consume wrestling, especially for someone who can be squeamish about violence and injuries (aka me). So, I really love wrestling movies! And I just think it was nice to see one that didn't end with "and he got addicted to painkillers and died at the age of 42" or something! A wrestling story without a tragic end, whodathunkit.

May December (2023, dir. Todd Haynes)

My immediate reaction after watching this was "what the fuck did I just watch" which is why I didn't give it a rating or leave a review at all. It left me so befuddled that I didn't know what to think of it and needed time to process it. And over time as I think about it and contemplate my own feelings and see other peoples reactions and discussions to it, I've come to like it quite a bit.

Apayauq (2023, dir. Zeppelin Zeerip)

Apayauq is so cool!! She finished last in the Iditarod which earned her the Red Lantern Award and that fuckin' rules!! Lovely lil short doc about her and her life and her journey with gender and also her journey dogs across a whole lot of snow.

Apayauq is available to watch on YouTube for free.

NAGA (2023, dir. Meshal Aljaser)

There is some recency bias at play here but also I have thought about NAGA every day since I watched it almost two weeks ago. That scene when Sarah is alone at the car in the middle of the desert with only the headlights to illuminate the empty fucking void of a world she find herself in and then suddenly something starts to approach her… that scene specifically has been bouncing around in my head near-constantly. Just some incredible imagery and visual work going on there.

Dark Angel: The Ascent (1994, dir. Linda Hassani)

This is a movie that not only exceeded my expectations but kind of completely blew them out of the water?? I was expecting some horror-adjacent schlock about a demon from hell coming to Earth to kill the shit out of 'sinners' or whatever and on one hand, yes, that is true, that is what this movie is. But it's also just genuinely good?? It fuckin rules that right off the bat it is showing people being tortured in hell and then a voice clarifies that these aren't just any ol' sinners, no, these are landlords and bankers who exploited the working class. Veronica is a trans icon and this is the hill I will die on.

Wifelike (2022, dir. James Bird)

this movie is garbage but it has the funniest name of maybe any movie i've ever seen or heard of. fucking WIFELIKE. WIFE. LIKE. god damn lmao

The Doom Generation (1995, dir. Gregg Araki)

I first watch The Doom Generation as a deeply depressed teenager and then occasionally watched it every few years throughout my deeply depressing 20s and now I am keeping that up by watching it again in my deeply depressed 30s. It's a good movie! It's pretty hard to recommend, mostly because of the ending! I've looked into more of Gregg Araki's work and have really enjoyed what I've seen so far so I think he may end up being one of my favorite directors ever and it all kinda started with seeing a movie about angry depressed teenagers who are lost in life when I was an angry depressed teenager who was lost in life.

Hellraiser (2022, dir. David Bruckner)

Earlier this year, I went through all eleven Hellraiser movies. It was a trial and journey that I suggest absolutely no one else go on. So maybe it's just because there's, like, six movies in a row that are trash-garbage terrible before you get to this one which is Somehow Good. Maybe my feelings on this one are higher than they should be because it was an actually competently made movie after slogging through the refuse that is the bulk of the Hellraiser franchise. But dammit I liked it and the new femme Pinhead is incredibly hot and I finally understand why people were so horny for Pinhead in the original one (or two (or three)) movies. Those old ones are good to! But this one stuck with me more, for now.

Wingwomen (2023, dir. Mélanie Laurent)

I mean, this is definitely the best movie I've seen about a polycule of international thiefs that pull off One Last Heist so that the eldest of them can retire and go live their life how they want. I really hope it becomes a much bigger genre in the future.

Imagine Me & You (2005, dir. Ol Parker)

This is technically not a first-time watch because I have seen it three or four times before but the last time was something like five or six years ago. This movie holds some really strong importance to me because it was one of the things I saw as a confused queer teen that was really strugging with my own feelings and my place in life. When I watched it, it was one of the only things I had seen where woman could be queer and open and happy. There was no big falling out with family. There was no major drama or tragedy to it. It's just a lesbian rom-com. And while it probably isn't the best in that particular sub-genre, it hit me at a time when I really needed it and that makes it special to me. Lena Headey should be in more movies where she's a lesbian, I think that would be good for us as a society.

The Duke of Burgundy (2014, dir. Peter Strickland)

Trying to figure out how to talk about all my favorite parts of this without just outing myself and all the perverted kinks I'm into ahahaha it's a good movie, I swear!! it's not just perverse and exciting!! but it's also that!!

Stay On Board: The Leo Baker Story (2022, dir. Nicola Marsh, Giovanni Reda)

Skateboarding is cool! I used to be way into it as a teen and it has always lived in the back of my mind as a cool thing for cool people. I think this year I watched something like 3 or 4 skateboarding documentaries which seems like a lot! And, hey, this one is the best because it's about a queer man coming out and not just finding his place in the world but making his place. It's a very sweet and emotional story with some strong moments. I hope Leo is doing well out there, he seems like a real solid dude.

Mutt (2023, dir. Vuk Lungulov-Klotz)

I first heard about this movie via the radio(!) when I heard an interview (on NPR, probably) with the director/director Vuk Lungulov-Klotz. Riding in the car with my father (who I am not out to), hearing about this movie about a day in the life of a trans man, and just kind of vibrating with excitment about it but feeling scared to express that at all because my father would then have Some Questions that I was not ready to answer then. I had to discreetly make a note about the movie on my phone so I could figure out how to watch it ASAP and I am so glad I was eventually able to see it because it's so damn good. Feña has a fucking miserable day and it is so much fun to watch. He is so exhausted and stretched thin and trying his best and if that ain't the most relatable mood for a trans person in America then I don't know what is.

Fanfic (2023, dir. Marta Karwowska)

The scene when Tosiek puts on masc clothes and experiences gender euphoria for the first time has been burned into my memory and I will never forget it. What a special moment. It really reminded me of the first time I wore a skirt. Everything felt magical, as if I had unlocked some secret in life. And I had! Because being trans fuckin' rules.

The Pope's Exorcist (2023, dir. Julius Avery)

One of the most bewildering movies I've ever seen in both the best and worst ways. What a fascinating thing. It seems like it'll just be some ghost/haunting/exorcism movie but then it turns into some Catholic church apologia and sets up not just a sequel but a whole franchise. It is something that needs to be seen to be believed. Really kinda wild that it exists in the form it is. Like, no one look at this and said "what the fuck are we doing here?" Amazing.

[haztobegood]

⭐️ Annual Writing Self-Evaluation 2022 ⭐️

Thank you to @larrysballetslippers @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed @daggerandrose @jaerie @louandhazaf @loveislarryislove @beelou @jacaranda-bloom for tagging me! I’ve done this for the past few years and I love seeing how much I’ve grown as a writer each year! (2018, 2019, 2020, 2021)

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: 14

2. Word count posted for the year: 52,141

3. Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction, Music RPF (Lil Nas X, Orville Peck), Ted Lasso

4. Pairings: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, girl!Harry Styles/girl!Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles/Ted Lasso, Harry Styles/Lil Nas X, Louis Tomlinson/Orville Peck, Niall Horan & Harry Styles

5. Story with the most: Kudos: Not Another Lonely Christmas Bookmarks: Not Another Lonely Christmas Comments: More Than a Mic Drop

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): We're Getting Better With Time, I feel like this fic showcases how much I've grown since I've started writing. I learned a lot about pacing and adding relevant details while writing this one, and I've received so many wonderful comments on it.

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why): Good Dogs Don’t Bark, it was fun in the moment to share something inspired by Harry barking on tour, but it isn't something I put a lot of time and effort into, so it isn't very memorable to me compared to other things I posted this year.

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received: There were so many lovely comments all around this year, but one of the funniest was a tweet of someone complaining about my Harry/Ted Lasso fic Premier Fantasies that started off with "MY EYES MY EYES MY EYES OH GOOD LORD MY TIME HERE ON EARTH IS DONE." I feel like I've finally made it to a new tier of fic writer by writing something so unhinged that someone broke into all caps.

9. A time when writing was really, really hard: I don't remember a particularly hard time this year, but November and December were difficult just from the number of deadlines I had. I was luckily able to finish everything by their posting dates, but it was very stressful. I posted the Louis Rare Pair, 1D Christmas Fest, art for Reverse Bang, and a secret santa fic all in December.

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: The entire plot of That's What I Want. I wanted to write a rare pair that hadn't been done before. I picked Harry/Lil Nas X and thought it would be fun to do an Mpreg fic. I couldn’t decide which one in the pair should be pregnant. I laughed so hard when I finally figured out a plot with both of them pregnant.

More under the cut.

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing: From We're Getting Better With Time

He turns out the light, leaving his tired reflection behind as he return to the bedroom to finish unpacking. It’s strange, trying to put back pieces of his life into this room that they’ve never fit into. Everything reminds him how little this house feels like a home. The half-filled closet, the dresser without any knickknacks on top, the bare walls. Even the bedding he’d bought was a boring striped pattern.

He was never meant to stay at this rental house long term. But it’s been eight months since his wife asked for a separation, eight months since he signed the lease on the first available furnished rental unit he could afford. The rental has standard beige walls, beige carpet, beige everything. It is a beige purgatory where he’d planned to wait out the final judgement on his thirty-three years of marriage.

The ink on the divorce papers has been dry for six weeks now, and yet he hasn’t thought about buying a house of his own once.

12. How did you grow as a writer this year: My descriptions and details have improved a lot. While writing We're Getting Better With Time, I had sort of an ah-ha moment. I got frustrated because I kept thinking that the story would be told better if I could write a long slowburn fic, but I didn't have time for that because it was for a fest. Instead, I thought about all the elements I'd want if I were writing the long fic, like Harry's relationships with his ex-wife and children, or to show the difference between the home his ex-wife kept and the house Harry was renting temporarily. I got creative and found new ways to slip those details into the story without adding chapters of backstory or filler.

13. How do you hope to grow next year: My goal last year was to finish some of my longer wips. I definitely didn't do that this year, and the longest fic I posted was under 8k. Longer works are a bit intimidating for me, but I still want to finish the bigger ideas I have in my wip folder.

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): The 1D Rare Pair group chat is always so encouraging for trying out new pairings! I branched out with some brand new pairs this year, with Harry/Ted Lasso in Premier Fantasies, Harry/Lil Nas X in That's What I Want, and Louis/Orville Peck in It's All Come and Go.

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: Oddly, I wrote three fics this year that mention pancakes/waffles, and they were never eaten at breakfast. This was completely unintentional, but makes a lot of sense, as pancakes at dinnertime is one of my favorite meals.

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: Stop editing your first draft. It is a lot harder to edit properly when you don't have the full picture. Try getting your idea onto the page first, then perfect it later.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: I have a the start of a prequel for Hex Appeal that I'm hoping to post for @wankersday. I also want to work on my Girl Direction Covid Island fic and my Zouis spy fic.

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read. @zanniscaramouche @kingsofeverything @quelsentiment @ladyaj-13 @littleroverlouis @uhoh-but-yeah-alright @beelou @allwaswell16 @fallinglikethis @reminiscingintherain @lululawrence @disgruntledkittenface @justanothershadeofblue

[kabbal]

@belphegor1982 tagged me and I don't want to work so I'm going to spend a whole half hour on this. this is a flawless plan

How many works do you have on AO3?

162. That's what doing two fictobers will do to you. The other 100ish fics i have no explanation for

What's your total AO3 word count?

521,423. Almost as long as War & Peace. Take that, Tolstoy.

What fandoms do you write for?

The whole list is awfully long because I like to drop one fic and then never come back again. But so far the fandom I've really been involved in writing fic for have been Fairy Tail, Batman, Kaamelott, Call of Duty, MCU and Supernatural.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Ok let's go

O happy dagger! This is thy sheath (Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023)) aka that bard REALLY wanted to handle that paladdin's sword if you know what I mean

The House of Denial (Call of Duty) When I got obsessed by two secondary characters and learned more about Mexico in 2 weeks than in 20 years of my life

My lover stands on golden sands (Call of Duty) i had seen many tiktoks about selkie aus and i wanted to write one so bad

Karpman Triangle (Call of Duty) somehow inspired by the three ghosts of christmas story. also gruelling coming to terms with trauma

I think love is something that happens to other people (Batman) man i just love a good time travel AU

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to respond to every comment I get, because I like engaging with readers. The best feeling in the world is when a reader replies back<3

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Not considering that extremely unsubtle Fairy Tail fic on my FFnet I wrote at 13 with the idea that I was mature enough to talk about suicide (I wasn't), I think my angstiest fics were the two fics I had written for a friend building on one of his fics, where I was trying to out-angst him.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I've written some fluffy pieces but finding the happiest ending one is complicated. I'm gonna say The Dead are All Living even though its not exactly a fluff ending. It's very cathartic tho so that counts

Do you get hate on fics?

No. Except for that one person in my Ffnet days who accused me of plagiarism because my fic had been destroyed by the automatic translator on my phone that had made the text look like a very bad translation. They got very heated about it... its funny in retrospective but 14yo me was not amusedTM

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I try. I really like writing hate sex, it makes for really interesting scenes with juicy conficted feelings. The rest of the time I try to mix it up.

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

No. I should try to though, that would be funny

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have! I've translated a few of my fics into English, and I've got some fics translated into Russian and Ukrainian. Someone asked me a few months ago to translate another fic into Mandarin but I've not heard of them since

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! Le Bon, la Brute et le Friand, a western au with @kaantt for the Kaamelott series. I'm ashamed to say i've stopped working on it, but I've just not been into the fandom lately

What's your all-time favorite ship?

I don't have one because I tend to jump from fandom to fandom. At the moment I'm really into Soap/Ghost from Call of Duty and Zoro/Sanji from One Piece, but I stay loyal to my dear Arthur/Venec from Kaamelott and the fuckton of other ships I've been into before

What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

My Kaamelott fic Atropos. I love the fic but i'm not in the fandom that much anymore, so unless I get back into it it's going to stay asleep for a while.

What are your writing strengths?

I can write good metaphors. Also I'm pretty good at research and that helps me at not going for the most obvious thing every time, which I think makes some of the things I write stand out a little more.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Man I cannot write a pwp for the life of me. I always start with relatively kinky ideas and then i feel like I inevitably water it down or the plot takes too much space. One day I promise i'll drop a 33k nasty dubcon orgy fic but that day is far away

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I love sneaking in some French into my English fics, but that's because it's my first langage. I wouldn't do it in langages I'm not fluent on, because i've seen some truly awful French in other fics and that took me out of some good stories. I don't want to do that to others, so when i use words from other langages I limit it to a few words i can be pretty sure of.

First fandom you wrote for?

Fairy Tail. That manga was my introduction to online fandom and it'll always have a special place in my heart (both the manga and the fandom)

Favorite fic you've ever written?

Oh no don't make me choose between my babies uh. I have a few I'm extremely proud of and these are

Figures troubles (Kaamelott) Mehgan's pov on a lot of the events of the series and movie

The House of Denial (Call of Duty) so much personal extrapolation poured into this one

Counting Heads (Call of Duty) John Price being an awfully complicated man

κυνώπιδος (Greek Mythology) my take on Helen of Sparta

Hypothèses d'Hyménée (Kaamelott) me playing around with OCs and different scenarios around Arthur's other potential wives

tagging @kaantt @suzhhou @garnetrena to do this

[kamelpferd]

I Am Writing A Book

For the past year I have been writing a book. A Book Of Poetry And Short Stories. It's almost finished and I will put 10 Stories into it. They are all thought through and a lot of them have already been written.

And I am so proud of myself.

Anyways, here I have a few pictures and short descriptions of the stories that will be in the book, to give you all a little idea of what is coming to you if you think you want to give my little project a closer look. I hope you can find something that is of your interest.

From brutality to sex over fantasy up to historical gay romance. I covered a lot.

I think I have done a pretty good job so far, and it will not take long until it is done. :)

The Men I've Had

She has had enough. Enough of their ego, them wanting to be better, them thinking they have the right. The right to do whatever they want with whoever they feel like. Grace Dennehy knows that everyone just looks away and lets them do as they please. She knows nothing will ever change unless somebody takes matters into their own hands. And so she does.

The Nun And The Nurse

The bible says it is a sin. God says it is a sin. They says she will go to hell for it. Burn eternally. For feeling the purest and most beautiful kind of love. The love for another woman.

Good Night, Little Kimmy

He has known her since she was a little child - But she is not a child anymore. She is a woman. A beautiful young woman who has yet to learn what the world can bring. And he wants to show her. Show her everything he can, but is it right? Is it acceptable? It can't be.

Prince Of Blood - Fate Of The Undead

What would happen if a Vampire Hunter got captured? What if she got captured by the man she was looking forward to kill? What if it turned into a game of fetch between cat and mouse? And what if he showed her what eternal life actually meant?

The Day I Died

She has to kill her. It is her fate, her role, her prophecy - but does she even want to? Does she have to? Because what if she loves her? What if she would rather die than harm her? What if she will?

In My Room

She threw up; every morning she threw up. She saw him in her dreams, night after night after night - and it wouldn't end. He wouldn't go away. He couldn't. He was dead.

Hunting Season

A chance. A chance she took and ran but then it hit her. She wouldn't get away. So she forgot and forgave. She could never escape. She was trapped. Inside his house, his basement, her own delusions. She couldn't leave, she didn't want to.

Silent Night - You Can Run But You Cannot Hide

Lilly and Billly have always been good. One December night, their mother tells them about a creature who visits those whose names are on the naughty list. He comes on christmas eve. And the two children learn about what happens to kids that don't behave.

Bonnie And Her Bride

Elizabeth Hyde's dearest friend is fed up with a life as housewife, under the resistant hand of a sweetheart, a boss and a father. So she takes Bonnie Parker with her, leaves their lives behind, along with everything they were used to and runs away, jumping right into gunfire. Little did she know how much trouble her decisions would bring.

Visitors

"We are writing the year 1983 and just outside my house, Bakerstreet 985, there is a U.F.O. It crashed in my backyard and I think there is something inside-" "Peter what the fuck are you doing?"

Alright, alright. I spent a hell of a time to create this ass post, just for my own satisfaction and to make it a little easier for myself to dive into my stories. I mean, it indeed is easier if you can see something, instead of just reading (even tho reading is also seeing something...)

Anyways, I hope could catch some of you for the one or the other story. I have been working on this book for about a year now, and it is almost done (Jesus, never decide to write a book. It kills you. Really.) But there is still a lot of work to do, so I suppose I could be done in like a year. But then I have to find a publisher... or publish it myself... which I am scared of i mean imagine it doesn't work. 0-0

ANYWAYS lets not think about this right now, haha.

There is a bunch of work ahead of me, but I am willing to do whatever it takes.

-Spencer C. Belford

[incalculablepower]

2022 Wrapped

ty for the tags @hinnyfied and @ashesandhackles

Post the top 5 works you're most proud of that you released in 2022 (not necessarily your most popular)

eticabtf - despite sort of regretting the long-ass title at this point i really like this one. it was the toughest thing i worked on, since i had a deadline and a prompt and a word count minimum to hit it came with a lot of (IMO good and healthy) stress at a time when i needed a project like that! it was kind of ambitious and weird and i'm still just so glad it landed.

in virtute et tutela - someone commented that it made them cry which is like, the best comment i've ever received. it came to me very easily but there was still an odd challenge where i had to come up with the rules of what an inner monologue of a half-cat/half-kneazle would sound like. my crookshanks doesn't understand spoken language but he's very intuitive and this is how he communicates with those patient and understanding enough (first other animals, then an animagus, and finally humans). i'm also really happy with how the title fits the story, it's a reference to a plea from a cat named virtute, the weakerthans song from the POV of a cat pleading to its depressed person. the reasons - i JUST realized this is my second fic with a weakerthans title. HBP is one of my favourite books AND adaptations because i love the goofy teen comedy vibes and i really like playing it up with this fic. i recently reread the first chapter i have uploaded with some distance and i think it's really really funny! this drabble from a TTB challenge this spring - this event really helped me work some writing muscles thanks to the prompts and the instant feedback. this is the origin of the photo of the original order of the phoenix and i like how much little details I packed into it, especially alice as a photographer, someone who immortalizes memories.

i also really like this one - i think it's the most poetic of my drabbles from that challenge and it really communicates how i feel about a post-war ron's life. and i love the jenny holzer truism i used for the title.

your top 4 current WIPs that you're excited to release in the new year

I would like to treat my WIPs as actual works in progress vs things i started writing and kinda gave up on 1. i would like to continue with more chapters of the reasons! i have a lot of outlines and a good idea for where i want it to go. i'm also not stressing too much since each chapter will really serve as a loosely connected one-shot. 2. i have a romione shell cottage fic i've been picking at for MONTHS! i really like the idea i have for it but it's been a bit of a slog, i would love to get it done! 3. a couple days ago i had a new year's eve fic idea and got about 500 words in before things got busy. i really wanted to have it done FOR nye, but life's been busy. i am going to try to get it out before i finish my vacation and not stress about it being "late" for the holiday. 4. i also started a TTB yule bash fic for teddy's first weasley sweater, another idea i really really like but i got sick when i was writing it and didn't want to worry about the deadline. i might pick at it from time to time for next christmas.

your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing over the past year

1. the fact that i do it... at all? i joined @thethreebroomsticksficfest discord server because i was getting back into reading fic and just wanted to chat about it, but then noticed most members also wrote fic and the discussion around it made it feel very accessible and supportive. 2. i've learned or relearned a lot about punctuation and grammar, which helps my fic AND a lot of other areas of my life. writing cover letters for my job search this year was the least stressful it's ever been. 3. i know this is about my writing specifically but i swear it's all connected - i've gained a greater appreciation and understanding of storytelling through reading fic, commenting on it and trying to write it. i think my overall media analysis is smarter than it was this time last year and i have a better vision of what i want to achieve when i write something. your top 2 resolutions (ways you wish to improve your writing/blog) for the new year 1. i would like to write some longer one-shots, in the 5k-10k range. 2. i would like to write some shippier stuff that isn't just pining and sexual tension lol and your number 1 favorite line you've written this year

i really like this one from my crookshanks fic They spent each night at the foot of her bed, two rounded pastilles curled up on top of the quilt. 

let's just call it the "kneazle" i know many people have been tagged in this already so i'm cheaping out and tagging everyone who wants to do this.

[xpiester333x]

Must Plays 2023

Because last year my resolution was to play through as much of my backlog as possible (and frankly I killed it). This year I have a similar goal, but I also have a list of games I really want to play through in the year 2023. It may not be possible to get through them all (there are several long ones here) but I'm going to do my best!

Persona 3 Portable - Since I played through 4 and 5 in 2022 it only seems fair to play through 3 this year. Also because its one of the games that got me into games way back in the day... but I never did really finish it lol

Hades - I've heard so much about it and it's always been on my wishlist but I kept putting it off. Well I got it for Christmas so it's time.

Shin Megami Tensei 3: Nocturne - Because I started it when the remaster came out and then never finished it. It's time to finish it. And also for the same reason as P3.

Shin Megami Tensei 5 - Because I bought it on release and LOVED it but then Endwalker came out a month later so I... never finished.

Dragon Age Inquisition - I have owned this game since 2015 when I built my computer. I bought it because I LOVED Origins and was excited to play it and then I never did. So this is the year.

Final Fantasy 16 - It's not even released yet but I need it and I am going to play it.

Persona 5 Royal - I know I just played Persona 5 but hey it was the best game I've ever played and I HAVE to play Royal.

Undertale - Another game I have owned forever but I just met too many people who annoyed me and were also obsessed with Undertale and I inadvertently gave it a bad association that way. I'm going to put that prejudice aside though and give it a real play this year.

Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs - Because I've owned it forever and never played it

Amnesia: The Dark Descent - I actually did start to play this one about 4 years ago and then just stopped (it was a bad habit of mine) so round 2.

Code Vein - tbh I don't even know if I'm going to like this game but I was gifted it and my friends who have played swear its worth it so I'm hoping to try it this year.

Harvestella - I was gifted it for Christmas. I'm definitely interested in playing it but I wasn't interested enough to buy it for myself? But I am looking forward to it.

Nier: Automata - Because I have no excuse as to why I haven;t finished this lol

Dragon's Dogma - I have played this. Three times. But its been several years and I'm ready for a replay.

Persona 4 Golden - I know I just played this recently but I have a need to play with a guide and max out more SLs for the stories and achievements.

Darkwood - This game gave me the absolute worst scare of my entire horror loving career and I loved it. But I wasn't in a good mental state when I was trying to play it last year and I had to give up on it. I think this year I'm in a much better place and I would love to finish it.

GRIS - This is an atmospheric puzzle platformer I played briefly a couple of years ago and then never finished (do you see the pattern now). It probably won't take long at all to finish and I would like to make that a goal this year.

Inscryption - Because you can only dodge spoilers on a game like this so long and I want to play it for myself before I see too much about it.

Fran Bow - A great game I ALMOST finished and then didn't

Spiritfarer - I put like 40 hours into this game on my switch... then got mad at the crystal dragon and quit. I have the Farewell Edition on PC so I think I would like to re-do the game (its worth a replay anyway) and actually finish it.

And that's it for now... Just 20 games... with a combined total playtime of 34 days and 15 hours (not including FFXVI since we don't know how long it will be. I would guess at MINIMUM 40 hours tho so... tack on a few more days lol.)

I don't know how possible it will be to finish them all. I may also decide I want to play a game not listed and fall off track. But wish me luck and I'll let you know how it went in 2024!

[allisonreader]

With the Inklings Challenge slowly starting to ramp up, I once again find myself musing about it as I start my own preparations for it. (Both for myself and what I intend to do for my sprints blog.)

I really do look forward to this each and every year since the first year that it's been held. Like I've already been counting down since last month and have been so grateful for the start of the figuring things out now that's been happening.

I've participated each year so far (and fully intend to do so again this year), and have enjoyed it each time. So far I have been on Team Tolkien (for the first two years) and Team Chesterton (last year), though I have written for each team (Team Lewis had a portal story from me for Christmas the first year, though I don't think that the story in general was overly Christmas in theme).

I was extremely grateful to have ended up on Team Tolkien the first year, just because time travel (beloved) is probably my favourite of all the genres. (I still think it's funny to this day that I thought that I would never write time travel, as much as I loved reading and watching time travel stories.) Which is how Tales Of A Frozen Sailor came about as an actual story instead of just a concept discussed between a friend and myself. (I always feel like I harp on and on about Tales Of A Frozen Sailor. But I'm really proud of it and the fact that I essentially finished it in a year, even if I'm slowly working on rewriting it now. For me, 30,000 words is a lot, especially for some of it which really hit well in the end. Anyways I'm still incredibly pleased with how it turned out and hope that others enjoy it as much as I do.) I was extremely happy that for the first time writing that I was in a comfort zone so to speak, though I did still challenge myself with Tales Of A Frozen Sailor.

For that first Christmas challenge, I wrote Of Rainbow Portals. Which I still like the concept of but not thrill with my end execution, but maybe I shouldn't speak about that because I haven't read it in a while. I think the idea is interesting but poorly explored and after rereading it again, definitely not my favourite piece of writing. But it's also not something that I'd like to go back to and flesh out more or try to get more in line with my original vision.

After that it was Team Tolkien again. I have to admit that I had been a little disappointed that I didn't end up on a different team, as I felt more ready to challenge myself a bit more and had a couple of story ideas that I wanted to try and explore. But I made the best of it and it in part lead to my decision to chose secondary world instead of time travel. The story being essentially what would be near the end of The Hidden Royals. With this story I had a hit with the little dragon Lalawa (honestly took a lot of inspiration from Toothless in How to Train a Dragon for her). I just knew that I wanted her to be intelligent and be able to recognize a family of the proper royal family. Again really quite pleased with the way this one turned out (and the fact that it didn't end up being another 30,000 word story). Also, Lalawa came kind of out of nowhere due to a very particular dragon post that had been going around at the time. There had been no thoughts about adding dragons to any part of this story before then, and then she ended up being one of the best parts.

For Christmas I dove back into Tales Of A Frozen Sailor, with a part that I hadn't managed to include previously, but I had always intended as part of the story initially. Don't have much more to say about that one.

Then last year I ended up on Team Chesterton. I was definitely grateful to get to try a different team. I tried to write three stories and didn't finish two of them. I'll probably try and go back to them at some point, but probably won't be for a long time currently as Tales Of A Frozen Sailor, The Hidden Royals (in thought, if not pen to paper), and different fanfic ideas are more of a priority to me currently. But the one story I did get finished for intrusive fantasy ended up better than I could have expected. Especially as I had never actually intended to write it and was written in one session. Minimal editing too. I was so nervous about it but it was exactly what I wanted to be like in tone. A story told almost like a tumblr post that you would come across in the wild. That it could almost be real and it's just a story that a friend is passing on.

For Christmas I followed in my path from the year before and went back into the story from the year before. James' Christmas locked up in the prison/dungeon cell. And how those a around him had dealt with it.

So it will be interesting to see what stories are created this year. I tend to read most of them every year. I'm sure this year won't be any different.

[lillyorlyracat]

🤍🤎🖤 from the questions for f/ovember ask meme for Minion if possible? (@dzvagabond)

🎣 "Ooh, okay. This is a hard lineup. Let's see, when did I first realize I loved her? Buckle up, it's kind of a long story...

See, when Lyra first came down to earth, we had to dedicate a whole week just to learning about her species and how to properly accommodate her needs; one of which being that she needed water to breathe. Being another aquatic being, Sir paired her up with me while he was building things for her. She and I spent a lot of that time sitting around in a big tank, talking about whatever came to mind.

When her semi-aquatic mech suit was finished, all she wanted to do was explore the city. So I stepped out with her, and we went for a little walk. I showed her all our favorite places to vandalize and rob. She was so excited to learn about every little thing. I remember watching her having fun adjusting to gravity, mainly stepping on sticks and leaves on the sidewalk.

After a while, we were settled down on a park bench, watching the sun set. It was calm and quiet. Then she turns to me and says, 'Thank you.' And I ask, 'for what?' And she gives me a warm smile and replies, 'for looking after me.'

And then the awkward crush phase began some time after that.

Sorry about all that, I know I wasn't supposed to write a novel...😅 What's next? First thing I gifted to Lyra. That one's tricky because I don't really have my own allowance? I only really have one thing that belongs to me. Even my robot body is technically Sir's. There is one thing, though...

It's less of a gift and more of a...privelage, I guess? But I'm counting it. The first thing I ever gave them was a place to live. That being with us, of course!

*sigh* Okay, TECHNICALLY I only suggested the idea, and then Sir finalized it, but I came up with it before him, so I'm counting it!

Whoo! Okay, last one. How do we celebrate holidays? Well, to put it simply, we don't. Not earth ones, at least. We always celebrate the day Sir and I first landed on the planet, and of course the day Lyra did.

Since turning over a new leaf recently, Ms. Richie has been trying to teach us about earthly traditions. Sir doesn't like the idea of Christmas very much. Lyra's excited for something called Thanksgiving, which, from what I've read, is just about eating food and being thankful. They're just focused on the food though, hahaha!" 🎣

[finsterhund]

I'm planning to finally write the long awaited update to my first medium article on Sly, so I went back and read my past articles and holy shit did I dump trauma into them. God. The one where I talk about needing to replace Ope because he won't survive much longer if I keep chewing on him pretty much documented how my life fell apart when Cazza left remission for the last time. Seeing photos of her on it made me fucking break. I tried reading the one about stuffed dogs that resemble Spot and I had her REVIEW EACH ONE. She was like my little coauthor. God.

No wonder it's gotten so much harder to write those. I'm missing my best friend who gave irreplaceable input.

I want to write the Sly II of Sly II though because I want to share the collective information I've found about Sly since then. It's criminal that unless you get your hands on a tag of Charlene's forever toys to read it yourself their stories are all lost to time.

If I had the energy I'd make my own fansite. Provide more lore info than egnome provides for them. But sadly I'm too exhausted. Just Sly for me. Also you literally have to buy one complete with tags to see the whole tag story and obviously I'm going to limit the amount of 300 dollar stuffed animals I buy thank you very much. My first, Sly II I got for way less than he's worth and my upcoming Christmas present I'm drastically reducing my calorie intake to afford. (Don't worry, they are raising my disability income for the new year and I'm not destitute yet lol)

I just. Man. I keep thinking what it must have been like when Charleen was around and actively making these guys. Meeting up at toy expos and such. All in the US, yeah, but still. Would have loved to meet her. Asked all about Sly. Back when her toys were still in production getting promotional materials would have been easier too. Apparently she had a little fan magazine she shipped out every so often where people could send in letters? That's the sort of stuff you don't get with mass produced toys but is also too much work for modern independent creators who are treading water in today's economy. The egnome mailing list doesn't even work anymore. I wonder when it stopped running.

I'm still not giving up on trying to recreate my own backup Sly, but I'm just so tired all the time. I wish I had a workshop and wasn't just doing everything in life straight outta my bedroom. If you saw my bedside table situation and the mess it is you'd all hurl. The discount section of a fabricland was shit out all over every even remotely flat available surface.

As futile as it seems and as tired as I am, I am also pleased to report that some level of progress is being made though. I'm designing ideas to make my own take on the character distinct enough from the original. I'm also on that subject thinking about finally learning how to quilt. For real this time. Using my roommate's sewing machine is a pain in the ass so most of what I'm doing is by hand so not as nice looking but I have more control and am less likely to murder my hand.

I keep wishing we could go to the other thrift store so I can go on a quest for a ton of vintage buttons. I'm looking for upholstery buttons specifically. God that's another thing. I love buttons. You know that? I should make a quilt that also serves as a button collection. And I still want to one day make a quilt from many of Cazza's old things but currently I can't bear to alter them in any way so I've put them in a tote in my closet so I don't stare at them and cry.

Good news in that I cleaned my room a bit and that Scott is almost finished with his ear medicine. He's become such a good boy about letting me out the drops in his ears. Really adaptable he is.

I keep thinking about how I wish I could go back to drawing tons of Heart of Darkness fan art again. But I remind myself that my very own Whisky died in my arms and yeah. It's no wonder I don't have the heart to do what I'm passionate about anymore.

Maybe I make a Sly entirely out of the dollar store paw print blankets of which Cazza died with. I'd get brand new ones, enough to make the Sly, don't know how many that would take but they're a nice texture. I have old fleece I got at a discount that reminds me of the Cazza collar maybe I could make a Cazza Sly and give him a Cazza collar.

Another thing is there's just been no info on the crying dog. None at all. I didn't stop caring about him. Just that nothing new has happened. Very sad.

Hopefully playing pikmin 3 and then 4 will be a nice reprieve. I can hope.