#i have a very high pain tolerance so it was excruciating

[brain-rot-hour]

I spent a good portion of yesterday in the hospital and was a tad delirious when I was finally sent home

I'm fine though. Just a p-ssy that can't handle a virus *hair flip*

[manicplank]

how high is their pain tolerance, and how do they react to getting injured? i can imagine Peppino’s YEEEOW when he stubs his toe or gets a paper cut. Pizzahead probably cries like the autotune baby

GHSHSHRHW THE FUCKING PIZZAHEAD ONE LMFAO

Pain tolerance and reactions

Peppino: He has a relatively good tolerance, but it's the small things that get to him. He will do his classic "YEEEOWOWOWOW" if he stubs his toes, burns himself, hits his shin, etc. But he can take an asswhooping without batting an eye.

Gustavo: Not the best tolerance. Gets a little angry when the little things hurt. He doesn't curse often, but when he stubs his toe, he's a potty mouth. When in comes to pain, he doesn't cry, but he shuts down a little.

Mr. Stick: Horrible tolerance. When he gets hurt, he screams like Tom from Tom and Jerry. He hates being in pain. Chronic pain wise, he actually tolerates well. His back hurts almost constantly.

Pepperman: He's ok with pain. Not the best but not the worst. He definitely pouts. However, when Peppino fought him, he could barely move without wincing in pain.

The Vigilante: Very high pain tolerance considering he can be shot several times until losing HP. His lack of nerves gives him an advantage to tolerating pain.

The Noise: Unusually high tolerance. He does all of his own stunt work on set. He's fallen a million times off his skateboard and pogo stick and got right back on. He gets into a lot of fist fights and can take an ass whooping. If he's quiet or not moving, he's HURT. Call an ambulance.

Noisette: Okay pain tolerance. She can take a punch like it's nothing. She's pretty strong, too. However, if something happens like a broken or dislocated bone, she will SOB like a child. She once dislocated her elbow trying to do a trick on her roller skates... Yeah... That hurt a LOT.

Fake Peppino: What is pain? Oh... That... He has an insane pain tolerance. He barely feels it. It's the emotional value that gets to him. If he's being bad and you hit him, he will pout. But if you hit him for no reason, he will scream and cry and be incredibly upset.

Pizzahead: INSANE pain tolerance. He can take a punch, a bullet, a body slam... Being defeated by Peppino hurt his ego more than anything. However, being punched into oblivion by John was excruciating. He's never felt anything so painful.

Pillar John: INSANE tolerance. I mean, he's made of rock, so he doesn't have nerves. When Peppino breaks him for Pizza Time, it spooks him more than it scares him. You can shoot him, stab him, hit him with a hammer, but all he will feel is the pressure of touch.

Gerome: Same as John. Insane tolerance, has little to no sensation throughout his body. He can fall down a flight of stairs and be just fine. You could drop him out of a plane, and he wouldn't feel anything.

[lisbeth-kk]

Sherlock fandom. I blame the angst on the prompt...

Trust me?

Sherlock’s body shakes from his sobs. He clenches his fists and digs the nails into his palms, trying, but failing to compose himself. Something inside his chest breaks and it’s the most excruciating pain Sherlock’s ever endured. There isn’t a single person in this world who can mend his heart after this betrayal. Ever. He won’t trust anyone like that for the rest of his life. 

Mycroft was right all along, damn him!

This Christmas is first he’s looked forward to since his childhood. He and Victor are going to Victor’s family on Boxing Day and will spend the remainder of Christmas there. To Sherlock’s astonishment he gets along just fine with Victor’s parents, which is a rare thing. Very few people tolerate Sherlock’s odd behaviour for more than minutes, and vice versa, but it’s actually Victor’s parents who have invited Sherlock to stay with them. He should’ve known it’s too good to be true. 

After Sherlock’s last class before the holiday, he finds a note shoved under the door to his room. 

Christmas at ours is off. V.

No explanation. Sherlock thinks it’s a joke at first and tries to track down Victor, but several of his friends tell Sherlock he’s already left. 

“Said he was going abroad with that girl he’s been seeing and her family,” a boy with freckles says. 

Sherlock doesn’t know his name. He doesn’t care. All he can think about is the girl he’s been seeing.

But Victor is his boyfriend. Isn’t he? Or has it all been a lie? The invitation Victor has shown him; was it fake?

Sherlock doesn’t know how he manages to get home to London after that, but the next thing he registers is Mycroft standing over him with a worried look, the needle still in Sherlock’s arm. 

***

Sherlock has built a solid wall around his heart after Victor’s broken promise. He’s stopped caring what people think of him and has even created a sort of diagnosis on himself; high-functioning sociopath. And it worked. For many years. And his reputation as a heartless man never falters. 

But then John entered Sherlock’s life with bright light, persistent loyalty, willing to follow Sherlock wherever he led him; even kill for him. And all that after only hours as acquaintances. 

A warm feeling, Sherlock hasn’t felt since his time with Victor, is now a constant reminder that his wall is about to crack. It terrifies him to no end, because Sherlock knows that if John leaves, Sherlock’s downfall will destroy him beyond repair. 

So, he tries to keep John at a distance with insults, calling him an idiot, placing body parts in the fridge, stop talking for days, but still John stays. 

***

Another Christmas is soon upon them. Sherlock’s parents have asked if he and John will come visiting, but Sherlock hasn’t answered yet, and is reluctant to ask John if he’ll want to accompany him. The invitation is far too similar to the one Sherlock got from Victor’s parents all those years ago, and his heart aches. 

Sherlock has known for quite some time that his traitorous heart has decided that John is its keeper, and he feels unable to let it down. 

“My parents have asked us to spend a few days with them during Christmas,” Sherlock tells John, his heart pounding loudly in his chest with fear and excitement equally measured. 

John’s warm smile makes Sherlock want to kiss him, be hold by him, feel John’s warmth envelope him. 

“That’s kind of them,” he says. “Do you want to go?”

“If you do,” Sherlock whispers almost inaudible, feeling nauseous with trepidation of John’s answer. 

“Of course, I’ll come, Sherlock. I have nowhere to go, and I would love to spend Christmas with your family.”

Why? Sherlock wants to ask. 

“Why wouldn’t I?” John says as if he’s read Sherlock’s mind. 

***

He drinks too much after the thrilling chase through London. Sherlock feels light-headed and without knowing it, Sherlock’s told John parts of his history with Victor. John’s mouth forms a thin line, and his jaw sets. When he speaks, it’s through gritted teeth. 

“No one should treat you like that. How dare he?”

John’s eyes are like thunderclouds, his voice fierce and dangerous. A thrilling sensation runs down Sherlock’s spine, and he inhales sharply when John rises from his chair and kneels in front of Sherlock. His movements are careful, to not spook Sherlock when he takes Sherlock’s hands in his. 

“I would never let anyone do something like that to you again, Sherlock. You can trust me on that, alright?” John says and his voice is so soft, which makes Sherlock’s eyes prickle. 

“I trust you, John,” he whispers, and when John brings Sherlock’s right hand to his lips, Sherlock can feel that his heart is about to be healed. 

@flashfictionfridayofficial @totallysilvergirl @keirgreeneyes @phoenix27884 @a-victorian-girl @calaisreno @peanitbear @safedistancefrombeingsmart @gregorovitchworld @helloliriels @sabsi221b @raina-at

[mari-lair]

hi! not a question but i'm so in love with your series about the phantom thief au! do you have any headcanons for thief akane x chief teru? like in the post you made about full supernatural akane?

THE AO3 PHANTOM THIEVES SERIES?? I did not expect to get an ask for it! :D There will be a prequel (eventually...) so I’ll try to keep it brief.

Teru’s mom died in a robbery when he was young. He was an eyewitness and has a more... traumatizing memory of it than Kou, who was told about it after, making her death hard for Kou to fully process it until her funeral happened and it really hit him. Kou and Teru do not talk about it.

Teru takes a while to learn Akane’s real identity, he used to call him “Thief”.

Akane has decent pain tolerance but his determination is near suicidal, he’ll grit his teeth through the most excruciating pain to get what he wants or black out trying. Teru have extremely high pain tolerance, and while he is not as stubborn as Akane, he never takes long to subdue his target, many people consider him more of a monster or a hero than a person: There is a reason criminals fear him.

Akane used to live in a relatively small, but dangerous, town. He moved out at 21, became friends with Aoi, his neighbor, in the same year, and met Teru at 24.

 Akane hates Hanako, he genuinely wants to see Hanako be caught and locked up, but he somehow finds himself being dragged by Hanako into hidden criminal hang-out spots instead. Hanako admires Akane, and tries to be his friend despite the older thief's palpable dislike. He doesn’t know Akane’s real name, and Akane doesn’t know his real name is Amane until much later, when Teru tells him.

Akane falls in love first and he hates it so much. He keeps trying to convince himself is lust, not love, and he is able to trick himself for a while since he does find Teru attractive and gets frustrated by most of his actions. When he realizes the reason Teru's actions frustrate him is because he wants his love and feels greedy for scraps of his attention, Akane has a crisis and gets drunk, something he very very rarely does.

Aoi is in a stable relationship with Mei, so Akane never got a crush on her but between his old town and his current one, he dated 3 people before he started pining for Teru.

Teru is touch starved:  He had some team missions but his coworkers (which soon turned into his subordinates) never touched him, be it shoulder pats or hair ruffles. He dated twice very briefly but any spark he thought he felt disappeared when his partner tried to ‘take it to the next step’. He only allows himself to fully relax with his siblings, and much later, with Akane.

Teru is aware half of the town is in love with him and his ego is off the charts, but when it comes to intimacy or vulnerability of any kind he becomes insecure (even if he is too arrogant to acknowledge it until it corners him).

[youremyheaven]

English not my first language, Bharani Moon here.

A propos of Venus naks, (Bharani in particular). 5 months ago (I'm a widower and 65 yo) I experienced a need to return to spirituality. So I found a sort of monastery of Capuchin friars, where I confessed and found divine grace. I attended some spiritual meetings, we all held hands and sang religious hymns in a kind of karaoke with the words projected on the screen. At the beginning it was pleasant, but then it seemed to me more and more like an "americanata", as we define in Italy all the external things that tend to strike (in short, a braggadocio). The friar who held the meetings was enthusiastic and always the center of attention (we were arranged in a circle). He asked us first grade catechism questions and we had to answer them. After the second time I no longer went, thinking that if I had conducted those sessions they would undoubtedly have been much deeper and more engaging, especially regarding the real life of adult people and the sins we most fall into (we were all over 50 years old) . Back home, I spent hours writing my reflections on the Catholic religion, that is, everything that for me, based on my life experience, resonated very truthfully and sincerely. I simply realized that I was rewriting religion in my image and likeness, I was creating a particular sect where the only guru and disciple was me. As you explain well, it's a Bharani thing. As for the pleasure/pain dichotomy, this is also a very Venusian thing. In addition to the fact that others consider you attractive when you don't think so at all (I haven't liked looking in the mirror or taking selfies of myself for years). The fact is that we Venusians can know the maximum pleasure and the maximum pain, in separate phases of course, we are not masochists. Indeed, perhaps we are, so that we have a threshold of tolerance that is very high for both of them, tantric love comes to mind, to give an example, that is, prolonging pleasure indefinitely, let's say ecstasy, without letting it end in death of an orgasm, the little death). I have a natural propensity to indulge in the pleasures of the flesh (read sex), but my married life was not ideal, due to a wife who had many problems with chronic depression etc. Many times I had to fend for myself, to use an elegant euphemism. The flip side of the coin is the pain that comes from who knows where, unexpected but providential, to repair faults that you know you have committed deep within yourself and the sacredness of your body. Cluster headache. Five episodes from 2007 to 2021, for a total of almost 800 hours of excruciating and unbearable pain. Laughing at myself, now my name is Mister 800, almost as if it were a trophy I can brag about. Actually it is, I think it is, because I know what it cost me. In the USA they call it suicide migraine. Well, I'm still alive, although I basically feel like a survivor, a veteran, a refugee at home. To conclude, I also call myself uncle 120, for managing to keep myself chaste for 4 months after my return to the Grace of Lord. Difficult to understand, even I can't, but life is good... maybe the next one! :)

thank you so much for sharing your experiences as a Bharani Moon native <33 its so interesting how the internal corrosiveness of this nakshatra manifests in so many different ways including with actual physical discomfort/pain,, Venus is a planet of many contradictions and Venusian devotion and spirituality is so powerful. whenever I read about Sufism and how the Sufis think of God as love and the spiritual experience as one where you become "one with god", its always reminded me of Bharani natives<3

[arlo-venn]

Back at the ER 🤪 At first the Percocet was working but only lasting about an hour, but then it stopped working all together and the pain was getting worse and worse. Genuinely had NO idea a toe break could be this excruciating?? And it is SO much worse when laying down which is something I very much need to do… so Tyrell dragged me back here to ask if they could prescribe something stronger than Percocet or maybe a higher dose, but today’s doctor is an asshole and just thinks I’m being a baby. “A broken toe is gonna hurt” he said. I tried talking about my body being weird about medications and EDS but he doesn’t seem to even know what EDS is. They gave me a toradol shot which I’ve never had before and he said he’s sending me home with something to take in addition to the Percocet. I don’t feel like pushing the issue so I’m just going to wait til I see the podiatrist.

Also, they gave me two more Percocet without asking me when I last took a dose. And I took a double dose right before I came here. So now I’m really high. And I do not like to take enough Percocet to become high, for several reasons, but mainly bc it was my dad’s drug of choice and it is one of my favorite feelings so it makes me nervous. I also worry about building up a tolerance to it since it’s (usually) the only thing that actually works, and I build tolerance REALLY fast to opioids.

This is making me extremely worried about how recovery from the gallbladder surgery is going to go if Percocet stops working?? So I’m going to send my surgeon a message about it to see what he thinks. Maybe he’d be willing to prescribe dilaudid for recovery or something? Idk. If I have to have abdominal surgery without pain management I do not think I will cope

[moonlayl]

Personal rant and question because I'm honestly not sure if I'm justified in feeling like this or not (feel free to skip <3)

okay, so unfortunately I seem to have a sort of skin condition or an "allergy" to the sun. when I'm out in sunlight too much I get rashes on my hands and face and they swell up pretty badly (even with strong sunscreen). I've booked an appointment to get it properly checked out next week (haven't been able to these last few weeks because clinics were full and I had very little free time) but in the meantime, today I got pretty badly burned.

last time this happened, my face and hands were red and itchy but it was still overall fine. however, when I woke up the next day my face was completely swollen. you know how allergic reactions can cause eyes to swell up so badly to the point you can't even see their eyes anymore? yeah that's how I looked.

thankfully, I was able to have someone else cover my shifts so I didn't leave the house for a few days and followed researched instructions on how best to minimise the pain, and after a few days I had a bit of a tan in those areas but it was mostly okay!

thing is, just yesterday I started working at a summer camp. Most days we do indoor field trips to different places, but we sometimes go outside. Today we went outside, and only 20 minutes of me not holding an umbrella because i was holding a kid's hand got me a sunburn.

I'm worried that tomorrow I'll wake up and my face will be completely swollen like last time (same symptoms)

I asked my sister what I should do if that happens, and if I should go to work if my face is swollen (tomorrow there are no field trips, just in door activities at our location, plus there will be several other camp counsellors and volunteers) and she basically looked at me like I was crazy and said: "of course! you wanna miss work just because you're scared of looking ugly?? that's kind of vain"

I'm gonna admit, that sort of pissed me off, because it's not like I'm usually too bothered about my appearance, but this isn't like me wanting to skip out on work because I got a pimple or something. I looked like I had an allergic reaction last time (and it's sort of accurate). Plus, going out would mean exposure to sunlight, even if just a little and that would make it worse.

like...I think it's kind of gross of her to imply I'm being vain and caring too much about my looks because my eyes literally swelled up like balloons last time. and there's no way to hide that. every single person would look at me and ask questions and I've personally never seen anyone look like that at a job. In fact, if I ever saw someone looking like that, I'd probably think "they shouldn't be working. they should go home"

my sisters idea is that if I'm not in excruciating pain, there's no reason I should miss a day of work, and she's not wrong, I do have a high pain tolerance, but again, I actually do not look like I'm alright at all. (plus it still hurts, even if not that much, and it'll look and feel worse with sunlight)

like if my face was just a bit red because of the sunburn, I'd still go no question. But this is different. Last time I looked like my face was a mushroom. you couldn't see my eyes and as a result they felt so heavy and my face was just swelled and didn't feel right or good at all.

so am I being overly sensitive and vain, or would it be acceptable to miss out on a day of work because of an allergic reaction/sunburn?

[mashamorevvna]

6 and 8 for Durgetash?

thank you!!!!! 💕💕💕

6. Describe their dynamic in one sentence. Without using toxic.

through a complex system of mirrors and levers two deeply, deeply traumatised individuals decided they might get over their childhood if they built a torment nexus for the rest of the world modelled after their psychosexual issues, and better yet if they made it sexual also

8. Both Gortash and Durge are sadistic little gremlins, so when it comes down to it, who's better at torture? And did they make a competition out of it?

hard to answer! i think they have different methods as to how they would torture somebody that it comes down to what one could, subjectively, within limits, tolerate better.

gortash i think is very much into psychological terrorism and abstractly interested in what makes a person tick just so, and break just then; so for him it's a case of, say, torturing a person's loved ones with increasingly petty versions of the milgram experiment.

selene is more about physical torture. extravagant poisons that leave somebody bedridden for weeks in excruciating pain, good ol' torture devices, amputations. inquisition questioning techniques is the name of the game for her

they most certainly do have a high opinion of their brand of torment nexus, and are relentlessly convinced their personal method is superior

[flockofdoves]

well i was in so much pain i called my mom after my doctors appointment earlier crying bc i didnt know what to do and then she drove a whole 2 and a half hours to help me and her and my gf helped me go to the emergency room and a receptionist was so nice walking me across the hospital very slowly bc i was limping (offered a chair but it wouldn't have helped ease my pain) and talking to me bc i accidentally went to the wrong area of the hospital at first.

and then i had to wait so long in so mcuh pain with my mom and gf but i got the surgery i thought i needed and the person who did it was so nice to me and was in awe of how much pain i could stomach (bc its kinda impossible to fully anesthetize for this procedure) and it was so so affirming also because both the surgeon and the person who did my intake were like 'idk why the doctor earlier today said to wait on seeing if you should get surgery for this you really really clearly immediately need surgery' and the surgeon was like 'also the antibiotic they gave you isn't great heres what antibiotic and other drug i think you should take instead' and gave detailed reasons why and just clearly had a lot of experience with my condition and it lined up with everything i thought i understood about it and they commented on how i seemed to be really in touch with my body and that the ultrasound showed that everything was a lot deeper than it already looked from the outside and it was misinformed for the previous doctor to be saying it wasn't bad enough yet or for expecting it to come to a head

and it was just really really helpful to have my mom in the room with me talking about how ive had trouble with this for years and that she knows it must be really bad because i have a really high pain tolerance and never say anything unless somethings really bad and just generally adding things i was too nervous would sound like malingering if i said them myself

the removal was excruciating but now that its been a few hours its amazing i can actually kinda walk and sit and lie down without pain as long as i'm careful

and whats great on top of that is that they told me to keep my referral to the surgeon next week because they said they would be able to give me surgery to try to prevent this from ever recurring which is really really exciting even if this was the worst i've been dealing with this for 7 years now. and i was so worried that it was an either or thing where i couldn't get permanent treatment unless i had an active flare up but when i have an active flare up i just want it gone asap. but i guess thats not the case!!!!

and it was really nice to see my mom she treated me and my gf to dinner afterwards. this was her first time seeing our apartment and im glad it was after we deepcleaned but also glad that she saw glimpses of what living with our roommate is like bc her consoling us about the situation was really appreciated too

[ashanimus]

I got invited to Renfaire for fantasy weekend at the last minute this year by an old friend and it's been the first time in years that I've been strong enough to go to an event like this without the risk of incapacitation for 8+ days or after. I have a weird immune condition that reacts to stress but also physical pressure and makes all this horrific, immobilizing, on fire-inflammation when it's triggered (this is important for later). Wearing heeled shoes almost invariably do this, even short, comfy ones.

I haven't cosplayed since the Homestuck Days but I was insanely excited to go and despite the strictures of a newish full time job (when does a job stop being new? I still feel new. Ive been at this for almost four months? Feck). Now, one thing my friends know of me is that when it comes to creative things, the unhealthful combination of insecurity and vanity make it near impossible for me to not over-commit myself to an artistic folly.

So I quickly assembled a Very Cool Classic-ish Satyr costume. It includes these great furry legs with a fun little tail. I got an awesome black huipil with hand embroidered flowers on it, a cool little corsety belt. Ears and little deer horns that were brown with silver tips. Did nails to match. I had fangs in, red contacts to match the flowers on my huipil.

And then there were. The hooves.

They are made out of tall, heavy bottomed pumps with the heel sawed off. The hoof part is made of heavy resin with hot glue for traction. So you're on the balls of your feet without the heel, which is fine for flat surfaces. Flat.

My stupid ass thought it was a great idea to wear these to Renfaire. I have never been. But I was warned by concerned experienced people at the costume supply store where I picked up a staff real quick (because it did take me like three weeks to realize I'd ASSUREDLY need one for balance to walk extended distance) that the site this year was a bumpy field full of loose gravel and dust. I have a high pain tolerance! I want compliments.

The walk from our parking space to the fair itself was excruciating. It wasn't painful--yet--just slow going and stupid because as sure-footed as I am I had to be careful to not roll and break my god damn ankles because of the hilly, pockmarked field where the divots are hidden by hay, grass and gravel.

I walked over a mile and a half in these things over that terrain. I sure got my fucking compliments!! Concerned merchants asked me to sit on their couches (I did). People took pictures, little kids liked my hooves. But I ended up needing a trip to the first aid tent because I developed a savage blister that with all the dust needed cleaning and the Reaction on the other foot. My friend, the fairy queen and my handler for all intents and purposes plopped me at the bleachers where they were doing the jousts and horse stuff for an hour to go get the backup outfit (and it gave her a chance to wander freely at not a glacial pace and catch up with some of her people).

I knew I was going to Suffer so I was in for a penny in for a pound. But all of this is just the precursor to the more succinct truth of the experience. I was smiling the whole time because everyone, even in the blistering heat, was SO happy to be there.

Ive never seen such unfettered and shirtless joy at an event. Everyone of every age, every size from tiny little ones bouncing with their fairy wings to ancient grannies tottering around in shiny wire crowns and trailing gowns in the white dust. Fat and thin alike people wearing resplendent outfits furnished with body paint and chains with big old thigh slits and intense makeup. Mermaids with glittering tails and wheelchairs fashioned into shelled thrones, druids with a private forest festooning their walkers. Everyone yelling, singing, everyone playing and committing to the bit and having a grand old time. It made everyone, absolutely everyone in melting makeup and beginning stages of sunburn absolutely beautiful!

One of of the merchants I liked best was standing outside his and his partners tent--some kind of clothier making beautiful jackets. He had this great druid beard and playful blue eyes, and he stopped me as we were walking and earnestly approached me with, "Have you seen the coat we made for you? :3 and pulling a coat about my size off the rack, "As you can see there's a slit in the back, perfect for your tail!"

And breaking character for a second he was like "Seriously, regardless of if you get anything you're always free to use our couch to rest."

Everything was so gosh darned cute. Everyone was so unashamed and having fun. I got to do a Haggle on behalf of my much shyer friend. Since i was already in for pain I thought I'd try mead and see how my system handled it and it was fine! I got halfway to tipsy in the sweltering shadow of the beer garden and screamed myself hoarse (as you do! Being a good audience member is the least one can do for any performance! Clap and scream!!) in the stands at the joust where hot men on horses performed some genuinely incredible and dangerous combat re-enactments.

Today, I can barely walk and I have reactivity on my left hand because of how hard I had to hold my staff. So Im staying back in shady spots today with a wifi hotspot (SINCE APPARENTLY VERIZON DOESNT HAVE SERVICE OUT HERE?? THE ONLY PROVIDER THAT DOESNT). But man. Absolutely worth it. I want to go again so badly, with more friends for another few days of exuberant crafts, and play in this magical place of creativity yess--but its a magical little kingdom absent of shame.

[memento-morri-writes]

Mask, Midnight, and Wound for the character of your choice.

Ooh, thank you, Alex!! These are all good questions!

mask: Does your OC wear a mask, literally or figuratively? What goes on beneath it? Is there anyone in their life who gets to see who they are under the mask?

Weirdly enough, despite my love of masked characters, none of my characters so far wear a literal mask. I'll have to change that. However, I will say that Kristopher does wear a kind of mask. He presents a facade of the man that the entire kingdom of Oryn sees him as: drunk, foolish, and flirtatious. He never shows how badly their taunts hurt him, and he acts like nothing matters to him. But in reality, he's suffering every moment he spends in Oryn, as long as his family and his people hate him. Once in Anvia he dons a different kind of mask. Almost exactly the reverse. He vows not to let anyone see the "real" him. (Or rather, what his parents and brothers have convinced him is the "real" him.) The fuck-up drunkard who is useless to anyone. Eventually Fallon pulls away all of his masks, and gets to see the real Kristopher. The damaged, hurt, suffering Kristopher, who wants nothing more than to be happy and to be loved. Even after the two of them are together, Kristopher still keeps up a certain degree of appearances to everyone except for Fallon. He doesn't want people to ever have an excuse or reason see him the way the people in Oryn did.

midnight: What keeps your OC up at night? Do they have nightmares? Fears? Anxieties? What do they do in the small hours of the morning when they should be sleeping?

Fallon is kept up by a lot of things. Sometimes it's worries or stress regarding her kingdom. Trade deals, foreign politics food stores, threats of crop failure or disease. Anything that could harm her kingdom in any way. Other times it's more personal worries. Memories of her mother, worry that she's failed at being a queen her mother would be proud of. Later on, after Lavinia's attack, it's nightmares. Lots and lots of nightmares. Nightmares where all of her loved ones die, and she can't do a thing to stop it. Some of the most devious ones put her father, Wymond, as a mastermind behind all of the loss and suffering Fallon has ever experienced. What she does when she can't sleep depends on the reason she's still awake. If it's worries about her kingdom, she may be up until the small hours of the morning writing letters to various nobles, merchants, or foreign dignitaries. If it's thoughts about her mother, she'll often just sit and let memories wash over her. If it's nightmares, she might try and distract herself, but often just ends up sitting there frightened.

continued under the cut for length

tw: physical injury, parental death, toxic relationships, human sacrifice

wound: How does your OC handle being wounded? Are their wounds mostly physical? Mental? Emotional? What’s the worst wound your OC has ever experienced?

Let's talk about a DnD OC here, just for shits and giggles. Let's talk about Cyra, my fire genasi barbarian/fighter. Cyra has experienced a lot of wounds in her life, both mental and physical. From the murder of her parents and entire hometown, to all the wounds sustained while fighting for the Brotherhood, to learning the truth of her girlfriend Talia's true nature, and deciding to flee the Brotherhood for good. Cyra is no stranger to being physically wounded, and they handle it quite well. She has a high pain tolerance, and any kind of bruise or scratch isn't even going to slow her down. Not a wound, per se, but the worst physical pain she's ever experienced was when our rogue's ex-wife (who now leads the very cult he's on a revenge quest against) tried to reach into Cyra's body and remove the magical quarter staff they can summon from their chest. The pain was excruciating, and as Cyra was paralyzed at the time, she couldn't even open her mouth to scream. (But she still tried, leaving her with nothing but a scratchy voice for days.) When it comes to emotional wounds, Cyra is far less resilient. She does not have any truly good coping mechanisms, and tends to bottle up her emotions, only releasing them when they fight. The two worst emotional wounds they have suffered have been 1) losing her parents in a Brotherhood raid (and subsequently being taking in by the Brotherhood to be raised as a soldier), and 2) learning that her girlfriend, Talia (the daughter of the cult leader) is not the person Cyra thought she was. Cyra had long held onto the hope of convincing Talia to leave the brotherhood, and that the two of them would run away together. But after witnessing Talia sacrificing a town full of innocents to the Brotherhood's mysterious god, she realized that Talia had simply been stringing her along.

[missazura]

Hi, starshine. I normally don't send asks bc I'm rly shy but I try to check up on your blog often because your posts make me feel very Seen, your art especially resonates with me.

I want to try to empathize with you a bit... I won't go into too much detail, ofc this isn't about me, but I've grown up as an only child with a set of parents who did not speak to me. Did not show me how to do things growing up, did not hug me, did not feed me without complaining about feeding me. Now my mom is gone and it's just me and my dad, he does not have the emotional tools to be empathetic or supportive when I am suicidal. I realized the last three months "oh, I don't have a family who will hold me when I cry. I don't have a family who will ask if I've eaten yet or if I am okay."

And it pains me that your family is the same way, in terms of being Not There for you, being harsh. Expecting everything from you and it somehow never being enough because their bar is always too high for anyone to reach. I don't know your situation, I only know what I've read from you, but I know it will ease for you. Eventually you will be in your own room, whether shared with a friend or roommate, or on your own, and you WILL be away, you will regain the feeling of waking up in the morning and being at complete peace, without tensing, or fear, or guilt-trip ridden.

The loneliness hurts, it does. We have different situations but the loneliness plus the suicidal waves make it, like, completely unbearable sometimes. I'm so sorry you feel this way, but I swear to god you're not the only one, I'm here somewhere on the corner of the world reaching to you through this tiny computer screen and telling you that I see you, I hear you, it's gonna be okay. There are periods in your life where it's gonna be like "oogh god fuck" the loneliness is gonna hit you, and then the other times it will pass and it will be more tolerable. And I think once you're indefinitely away from your folks, you will finally get some peace, and those Bad Waves will lessen and be so much easier to handle.

I'm sorry if this was long and messy aghh I just wanted to say I empathize with feeling super lonely, like, the familial part of it. I got so bitter because of this feeling the other day, but today I'm not feeling quite as bad. You will feel better soon too. it just really, really sucks right now, I'm sorry that you have to go through this sucky feeling. It will get better, I promise.

thank you so much. and i'm sorry that you have to deal with it too... I really appreciate that you're telling me about it. it makes me feel less lonely to know there's people out there who gets what I'm going through. it's excruciating living a life like this, and all I can do is ease the pain when I'm able while enduring the mistreatment over and over again.

but you're right about that it'll pass. it will pass and come back again and pass again. god. I hate it with my whole being but I have to keep on trucking unfortunately

[ukftm]

urgent: I just had my first nebido shot and it felt fine going in and whilst I was in the doctors, as soon as I started walking home it became excruciating (almost like a very painful stinging pain) around the injection site. So bad I had to stop every couple of steps. I’m now home and the pain has subsided but it still hurts a bit. (my pain tolerance is usually high and i had no problem with sustanon). It’s also leaked out quite a bit. Is this normal? or should I be worried. I have called my doctor and mentioned pain and leaking but they said it’s normal. But when I google it not many other people seem to experience the type of pain/to this extent. Thanks

Hi Anon,

Nebido is a the more painful method of T. This is for two reasons, one is that Nebido is a much thicker liquid than Sustanon and requires a larger needle and two it goes further into the muscle than Sustanon. This is one of the main reasons a lot of GPs will not allow Nebido to be self administered.

From personal experience after using Sustanon for many years, I wanted to try Nebido so that I would not have to be at my GP every 3 weeks. However, I found Nebido too painful and decided it was not for me.

Everyone is different and can tolerate different things. But getting your first Nebido shot can be quite a shock and one that some chose to not repeat as it can be too much for some.

Also, some drs/nurses aren’t very gentle and push the Nebido in too fast which can often cause more pain than is necessary. So this could also be another reason for your pain.

It’s likely that what you are experiencing is normal and nothing to worry about. But if you continue to be concerned you can call your GP and ask them to check your injection site for you.

Also if you do decide to stick with Nebido you should ask your dr/nurse to push the solution in slowly to avoid unnecessary pain in future.

[aetheros]

The good thing about spending 12 hours in the ER yesterday is that I can attest to so many queer folks working there 💕 But my IVs failed horribly and I couldn’t get the test I needed.

Too Long But DID Read:

Also had a very nice, reassuring, gentle nurse who went above snd beyond for me during anxiety, almost passing out, and severe pain from IVs Gone Wrong. Didn’t get to have my CT scan though (whole reason I went in) bc they literally couldn’t administer the contrast bc the line flushing to test it prior to contrast was leaking out of the vein and causing excruciating pain after two IV insertions. Both failed. I was shaking all over. I was not going to try it in my neck next… and they said contrast was mandatory to test for dissection… So let’s just hope I’m fine, or that if it IS an arterial dissection, that it heals itself quickly with no complications and no strokes. They could’ve done an ultrasound too even though it’s much less reliable than a CTA but I was so sleep deprived, semi-delirious and anxious running on 4hrs sleep all day with no food, stuck sitting there til 2am in pain all over that 3 doses of pain meds weren’t resolving that I didn’t even think of it until after I left.

IV infiltration is an awful and weirdly scary experience (that can also be extremely dangerous if medication or dye WAS injected) that I never want to do again. I have a high pain tolerance and that was BAD and genuinely scared me. I’ll add it to my list of 5 Worst Pains Ever. I don’t even think I can get IV iron infusions now if a simple line flushing for contrast dye failed in a hospital. :/ So away I go destroying my stomach some more with iron supplements! At least I’m still here today.

[jenniefromdblock]

Drained

[Originally posted on JULY 21, 2021 ]

I rushed my mom twice to the ER the other day (7/16/2021) due to her complaining about an excruciating pain on her left side.

I woke up with her moaning in pain around 7am, so I immediately got up and packed a lot of disinfectants and my laptop (I had to work) and drove to 2 goverment hospitals’ ER. The 1st one just referred us to the 2nd, the 2nd just prescribed meds. They were prioritizing COVID patients, even though their ERs are empty (shoutout to the 2nd which is QCGH). I’m not going to comment on how they handled our situation because I know they have their “reasons”. Since Mom was still in so much pain, we went ahead to Capitol Med. Yes, I know it is private and expensive but fuck it. It’s Mom.

We arrived at around 11am (I had no concept of time, I just wanted the day to be over) and we were immediately attended to. Mom was hooked up to an IV (omeprazole at first, then liquid paracetamol), blood works, urinalysis, and xray were done. When I asked her, she says the pain was level 8 and went to intermittent. There were also times that it goes away. According to her urinalysis, they found specks of blood, so they Rx’d Mom to be CT scanned for suspected kidney stones. During that time I kept on asking her if she can manage the pain, etc. She was like meh, and we were already given prescriptions so we decided that we will sign the waiver to not perform the CT Scan at that moment (the reason and backstory later). We were discharged around 4pm.

I was able to settle a bit when we got home and go back to working. Not even two hours later, Mom was again writhing in pain and she was crying “Lord, please make it stop.” Her pain tolerance is so high that seeing her in that situation was very alarming, so thats when I decided to ask my sister to call an ambulance (I was no longer in the right mental and emotional state to drive at that moment) while I prepare the stuff we need in case she gets confined.

We were brought again to Capitol Med because at least they already know us, the guard was literally like “Uy, parang kanina lang…”. We agreed to do the CT Scan and results says the pain is caused by kidney stones.

Also, even though my Mom doesn’t feel anything, they saw an 8x12x12 benign cyst on her right ovaries. While the doctor assured us its nothing and can be treated easily, they referred us to an OB GYN, who explained the next steps for treatment to us.

Honestly at that point, I hear garbled messages. I can no longer process anything because all I worry about was how the fuck am I going to pay for the hospital bills because I am super bankrupt.

The Backstory: I was retrenched in December 2020 and we were trying to survive off my separation pay (which isn’t that big amount so if you ask me, no I didn’t even have the chance to enjoy it). In April 2021, I got a freelancing job and I am in contract until December, which I am very thankful for. But what I earn is just enough for the utility bills and monthly groceries for 3 people. Yes, I also have been the provider in this house.

I only have Php 1,000 ($20) in my bank account. I have 2 credit cards that I have not been using and been paying off so I can cut it.

But I had to. I maxed out the limit of my first credit card to settle the hospital bills during our ER Visit #1. I had no choice but to do the same for my second to pay off ER Visit #2, not to mention the prescribed medicines worth 2 weeks. Oh btw, the OB GYN consultation fee needed to be paid in cash, so yeah goodbye 1k. Before, I psych myself bankrupt but I still have like 10k+ in the bank. But now, I am literally, really, very, zero balance.

At this point I am not sure how will I be able to bring her to a urologist, another OB GYN session and possible operation.

Well, going back to the main story… we got home around 12am. Mom was still in pain but at least we know the cause. Also, the pain reliever works so Mom was able to sleep enough.

I am still mentally and emotionally drained. Most of all, financially.

So that’s how the day went.

[anotherdayforchaosfay]

TFW your anxiety is so high you can barely function beyond getting outta bed.

I wanna finish my current quilt project so I can start on the next one. I have a dr appointment on Thursday that will make walking excruciatingly painful for several days thereafter. Sewing will not be doable because my feet will be in too much pain.

DO NOT SEND ADVICE!!!! I have been dealing with this every two weeks for nearly two months. Your advice WILL NOT HELP so keep that shit to yourself.

If you wanna help, as in meaningful help that does make a difference and won't make me angry or distressed, here's an option.

What has me stressed tf out?

Finances - we are single income household because I'm Disabled. I receive $877/month. Once a month, not weekly. Any other money I bring in is via donations or selling my quilts. This makes saving money extremely difficult, especially with the false scarcity creating bullshit price inflation.

Sleeping alone - our mattress cause my husband excruciating pain. He has been sleeping on a sofa since January because of this. I wake up in pain as well, but not as bad as what he's had to deal with. I also cannot sleep on a sofa because it's SO MUCH WORSE. Sleeping alone means my husband will not be able to feel when I'm seizing in my sleep nor will he be able to pull me out of the seizure because he's in another room, totally unaware. Baby monitors will not work because I make no sound aside from pushing all the air outta my lungs and grunting. My risk of SUDEP is extremely high because of this.

Saving for a new mattress - the money we had saved had to be used for bills and groceries. Currently the mattress we want/need is 75% off, putting it at $805. We cannot afford a monthly payment because we're still paying off vet bills and our water heater (the other one broke because it was 20 years old).

See the dilemma?

All I need and want right now is for people to buy the things I've made. I even made a coupon code, SLEEPCOMFY. It's gonna reduce how much I receive, but something is better than nothing right now.

On top of this, I have chronic medical fuckery that is finally being addressed. I couldn't do the two weak heart monitor thing though, because of my allergic reaction to the adhesive. They gave me hypoallergenic electrodes, but they still gave me a rash. It took only a few hours for thr itching to start, and 36 hours before I couldn't tolerate it anymore. Yeah, I developed hives. There is no other way to see what my heart is doing as I go about my day. This will make determining if i have POTS extremely difficult.

Then there's the other issue I've been dealing with for more than three years now, and has me extremely stressed, resentful, and angry. No, I will nor share wtf it is other than this: if someone says to get a specific product but the store doesn't have it, do not substitute it with something else. If the product has changed, call or text the person who sent you to buy the thing. Don't assume and then get upset because when shit goes sideways. I'm still dealing with this fuckery!!!

Good parts of my day? It's cloudy, humidity is up, and it's below 80 F; these will help control the wildfires. The air isn't as smoky, but I still can't breathe if I open any windows. The housenis stuffy, especially the bedroom. My husband started using a prescription pain med yesterday, one safe for folks without a gall bladder and is diabetes-friendly. He woke up feeling much better than he has in months. I made a necessary phone call and scheduled an appointment that is very much needed.