#i have a terrible sense of humor

[cyrankaa]

[nocturnalchaos]

I have a terrible sense of humor. I apologize for my dark and warped humor. But this made me giggle and I had to share this thought with the fandom world.

It is not incorrect to say that for a while, Jason Todd was the comic book world’s “Ex-Parrot” in the Dead Parrot Sketch by Monty Python and the Flying Circus. He was an “ex-robin”.

[quantum-chaos-theory]

stars are temporary; sharks are eternal

[ashen--dreams]

"woah! 1984! thats scary! what a scary year! someone should write a book about it"

[jhessail]

Going from David Moo to Michael Sinterniklaas is a... MONSTER of a change.

[sundial-bee-scribbles]

ok 1 more oliver day thing. i thought this joke would be kinda funny

[catcoffee02]

I have the perfect song for this...

[ladytauria]

If you're okay with prompts right now can I ask for jason and tim putting on relationship weight together

yes you can! <3

this ended up fairly short but i hope you enjoy it, nonny~

also i apologize for any mistakes <3 i was halfway done when my cat decided to sit in my face, and like? who was i to say no. so i wrote the rest on mobile lmao

Tim has gotten softer around the middle.

The realization hits Jason while he’s still half-drowsy from sleep, curled around Tim in their bed. They’d flipped during the night, with Jason now in Tim’s place as the big spoon; feathery strands of hair tickling his chin, his arm wound around Tim’s waist. And under his hand, splayed over Tim’s stomach… there’s more give than there used to be.

He can’t help but feel it; smoothing his palm over the padding over Tim’s ribs, the soft curve of his stomach. Something swells in his chest, made up of too many feelings for him to name.

It’s not that he hadn’t noticed, exactly. Something he’d insisted on, when they moved in together, was that, as long as they were both in Gotham, they should share at least one meal a day, out of costume. It had taken some time to find a rhythm, but… they had.

He’d noticed the extra weight he picked up pretty quickly. It was hard not to—especially with Tim constantly using him as his own personal pillow. Jason used to fake gripe about it, until he figured out that the surest way to make Tim sleep was to offer himself up as a bed. Even the most complex case wasn’t enough to keep Tim from drifting off, once he was resting on or against Jason’s thigh, chest, stomach.

After that, well. Even his most sincere attempts to bitch about it fell flat.

Anyway—between that and the adjustments he’d had to make to his armor, he’d definitely noticed his own weight gain. Tim— Maybe he’d noticed his cheekbones weren’t quite as sharp, or that there was something a little bit more solid in the punches he threw, but—

The rest of it slipped past him.

Until now.

Now… all he wants to do is explore. Spread Tim out on their bed and find all the parts of him that have changed. He wants to lavish them with attention, and affection, because by god, Tim deserves to be soft. Deserves to take care of himself, to indulge himself.

(And maybe—maybe—there’s a part of Jason that wants to lay claim to it, too. Because this is because of him. Not just the food he’s made, or the request to eat together but— It’s their closeness. It’s choosing a quiet evening together over going out or staying late at work or pouring over casework. It’s ending patrol at three or four am instead of five or six to get an extra hour or two in bed together. It’s not burying themselves in a case alone, stress eating away at them, because they have a partner right there to help.

It’s love and trust, safety and support, commitment and contentment.)

Jason resists the urge, though. The last thing he wants to do is disturb Tim’s sleep. God knows it will take a lifetime, maybe two, to repay the debt he’s stacked up, and Jason won’t get in the way of him shaving off what he can.

They have the rest of the day. Last Jason heard, Tim doesn’t have anywhere to be today, and he knows neither of them have any pressing cases. Maybe… maybe after breakfast, before Tim disappears to his study, when he’s still relaxed and a little sleepy. Coaxing back into bed won’t be hard. Neither will convincing him to let Jason take the lead for a bit. Tim is entirely too willing to indulge Jason—the power he has is almost overwhelming.

He supposes it goes both ways.

Mm…

He tucked his nose in the back of Tim’s neck, cuddling closer to him.

It’s probably about time to start breakfast, honestly. But Jason is warm, and comfortable. Maybe he can indulge himself, a little. Fifteen more minutes won’t hurt anything.

[ ao3 ]

[bookmothic-dyke]

My sense of humor is composed exclusively of groan worthy puns, RNG generated actions and noises, and fake flirting.

I don’t know how to make jokes lol.

Also, some times the way I talk comes off accidentally as flirty, and that’s a whole nother issues. Yay autism.

[kingthunder]

trying to nail the characterization i like for geralt and jaskier is like trying to balance on one of these bitches

[akascow]

renfield is comedic genius im literally cry laughing real tears bc i just watched ben schwartz snort a centipede like it was fuckin cocaine

[hawkstincan]

this shit was on my mind for two years. time to write it down and let it go.

at first I was thinking angsty here. like in the actual movie: only two survivors. (except Len didn’t leave Barry in the middle of nowhere and let him tag along. Len thought it’ll be temporary… jokes on him.) they help each other to keep it together, Barry and Lisa become fast friends and all gets as good as it can after a traumatic experience. maybe they even broke Barry’s dad out of prison at some point. it’s not like Barry living a law-abiding life now.  but I hated that Mick and Iris are dead in the end. I do not enjoy angsty things and I didn't like Mick playing Richie’s part. just didn't feel right if it’s close to the movie. 

but we have Eobard! this creeper? perfect in Richie’s place! (and i can see him as Lewis' spawn just fine). here we have Barry and Iris alive, Len letting them both tag alone (mostly because Lisa glanced in Iris’ direction five times in a minute and Len saw her betting eyelashes. why is this his life? wasn’t the vampire's existence bad enough? he sighs glances in Barry’s direction and decides well. it could have been worse. it could have been Mick who got him out of prison and lay dead now).

in the end my brain stuck on the farce-ish version, of course. 

Mick and Len have been friends since forever, they are brothers in all but blood and they raised Lisa together. they never kill innocent people or cops (Mick lost the argument). they steal, they sell the loot and move to their next target. the goal is to get enough money and move to Mexico (Lisa’s already there). Len gets himself in prison after he gets the final score. Mick got him out and they headed to the bar in Mexico. and Len will fucking kill Lisa if the bar will be what he thinks it will be after hearing it’s name. 

Barry was adopted by Joe West after his parents died in a car crash (drunk driver). he was six at the time. the driver didn’t go to prison (the forensic team fucked up) and that’s how Barry knew he’d be the best criminalist in town when he grew up. Iris wasn’t as devoted and during the years wanted to be everything from opera singer to astronaut. Joe was both scared and proud when she wanted to be a cop just like her daddy.  he wasn’t supportive (it's a scary job okay? he hated the mare thought of his little girl chasing criminals for living!) but he wasn’t vocally against it either. 

Joe quits after his wife was killed during a robbery gone wrong. Barry just graduated and was going to start at the precinct soon. Iris is working on her final project at uni and graduating a bit later. (they’re sure their dad lost it or having a midlife crisis on top of grieving ‘course why the hell else he’ll shove them in the motorhome and drive them to fucking Mexico for “vacation”?)  

___

len, smirking: keep it together and will be out of your hair in no time mick, frowning: why can’t we roast a pig?

len: we don’t need more heat on our asses then we already have!

mick: heat’s nice

len: shut up and give me matches you just snatched, i said no to lighting store on fire!

___

clerk: I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING

len: i know, i know

clerk: … then why did he?...

len, shraging: he likes fire. i’ve missed him snatching a lighter too. be grateful he waited until your cop buddy left

clerk, watching the burning building with wide eyes: how is this my life?

len, signing: i ask myself this most of the days

___

len, heading for the door: and don’t let him get his hand on anything with an ability to make fire! 

gloria, the hostage: what.

len: am i stuttering? don’t let him… ah, my bad *goes back and cuts tape on her wrists* ...him light the room on fire! 

gloria, the hostage: …

len, rolling his eyes: Mick won’t hit a women. he may try to use a toaster or hair styler to make a room feel homey and cozy. by making a bonfire. we don’t want this, okay? 

gloria, the hostage nods: and you let me go when again? 

len, smirking: as soon as i find a fitting ride

___

len, staring at the burning motel: i asked you to do one thing, gloria!

gloria, the hostage: well he can be very persuasive and charming…

len: single, yeah?

gloria, the hostage just sighs 

___

len, knocking on the door: terribly sorry to bother you this early in the morning but if it’s not too much trouble could I possibly borrow your’s… 

joe, opening the door and looking straights at the barrel of the gun: fuck

len: sorry, not my type

___

len, gun in hand, but not pointing at anyone at the moment: sounds easy, right? we cross the border in your nice motorhome, spend a night at the bar and go our separate ways in the morning. no one needs to get hurt.

iris, hiding her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking: i can’t believe this is happening to us

barry, barely holding the eyeroll: iris...

iris, starts shaking harder: but Bar, this is so…

barry, covering his face too: i beg you don’t 

joe, barely holding the urge to bang his head against the wall: you’re making it worse 

len and mick glare between them, confused

iris, can’t hold it anymore and starts cackling: of all families in this fucking motel…

barry, starts giggling too

joe, just sighs

len, even more confused: what’s wrong with you people? 

iris, with tears in her eyes from laughing: my dad was a cop, Barry here just graduated criminalist and i’m almost graduated journalist. 

len, with why is this my life look: it’s not that funny

iris, shrugging: i deal with my first hostage situation, fuck off

mick: you know how to pick ‘em snart

len: shut up    

___

len, to everyone: if you see mick with a lighter or matches take them away from him

everyone: ???

len, sighs: he started two fires already and you have one real nice motorhome here...

___

iris stopped three arson attempts from mick before they crossed the border

___

barry recognised who len was and spent three hours trying to get len to tell him how he managed to never leave evidence at his crime scenes

___

joe barely held the urge to bang his head against steering wheel more time than he cares to admit 

___

len, looking at the titty twister: i will fucking kill her

mick, cackling: she got sadistic sense of humor from you

barry, blushes

iris, looks very interested 

joe, adopts why is this my life look 

___

iris, after stacking santanico pandemonium: damn shame 

mick, high fiving with her: yeap  

___

sex machine: ‘name is sex machine

iris and len, in unison: bold of you to presume i’m interested 

joe facepalms

mick: barking all wrong trees 

___

barry, in a quiet shy voice: so, if we survive this shit show would you be interested in a…

len: i’m sure will but your dad won’t approve 

joe, shouting from behind: I WON’T

iris, shouting from joe’s left: I WILL

mick, looking for the lighter while others are distracted: I DON’T CARE, BUT LISE WILL TOO 

___

len: i can’t believe i’m saying this… the stage is yours go at it

mick: fuck year, fire saves the day!

___

all of them looking at the flames rising from what was once the titty twister

len: good riddance

joe: hate to agree

iris and barry just rolling their eyes

mick, with feeling: nice 

___

lisa: i’m five minutes late and you burned the faking meeting point? 

len: hey, trainwreck, nice to see you too, your fault by the way

lisa, rolling her eyes: hey jerk, why?

len: you managed to choose the one with vampires 

lisa, triumphal: ha! i told you so!

len, pinching the bridge of his nose: last time, lise, you were fucking five…

lisa: and i was right

len, resigned: yes you were

___

joe, watching barry flirting with len: how is this my life?

mick, suddenly appearing from behind: popular question

joe, signing: what do you want?

mick, smirking and pointing at iris betting her eye at looking quite interested lisa: guess runs in the family 

joe, covering his face: i’m too old for this shit

mick, looking up and down: nah

joe: what. the. actual. fuck  

[thornsnvultures]

it's like.. I don't see a point in me being here anymore, like I come on here and I just feel hollow. but I can't leave either 🙃 like I could but then where would I mindlessly scroll? instagram?? 🤢

[amsterdamhotelroom]

maybe i'm just thinking this bc bret easton ellis and donna tartt are friends but. secret history film/tv adaptation in the style of american psycho

[bananasofthorns]

she lord on my huron till I'm long lost

[miku-bookclub]

time to become tumblr famous

alright folks,

🐸