#i have a put a lot of thought into this. its because i know in my heart that it could definitely have happened if kiryu just manned up

[theoccultz]

How will your future spouse pursue you ?

Ok you guys the series is finally here

All of my pacs are queer friendly

It can be anyone, your s/o or your longterm connection

Pics and dividers not mine , credits to their rightful owners @/saradika

Apologies for any mistakes

Let me know which pile you picked and don't be afraid to express your thoughts (:

Pile l . Pile ll. Pile lll.

🫀 Pile l.

For this series if you have any topic suggestion let me know I'll include it

>>> | Queen of swords , 4of wands , 5 of cups |

This person is gonna be competitive for your attention , they dont fall in love easily and when they do its ride or die , they are your typical bad boy stereotype that you see in the movies , they are someone who knows they are the best in the room this person's self esteem & self concept is amazing, their confidence speak for itself, they are someone who has seen a lot of things in life and their way of getting to you is very simple and straightforward, maybe in the past people weren't as actively pursuing you as you would love them too but this person is not like this , they are on your face they know they want you and they're gonna be sincere & upfront about it , this person is generally very quiet and people have a lot of ridiculous assumptions about them like they're a player etc etc but best believe me they're really not what others think of him , this person is hot asf , you could be a very stubborn person who takes decision carefully about their life and this will stress them out n,ot in a way to deceit anyone but they know they have to prove everyone wrong so that you see them truly for who they are awww:(

Anyways this person is very masculine in nature , they are gonna act as a mentor and a caregiver, you want this ? I got it , you need this ? Its on me ....and you're like wtf i can do that myself but its just their way to make you feel special , this person does not do that for everyone if they are doing 50% for you then they are gonna do 20% for their friends its like they value your connection a lot and they don't want you to feel like you're just like everyone else in their life , this person is gonna defend you in every situation be it with their family or friends they dont give a shit , this person is also very keen on you they notice everything about you , how you care for people what you like to wear so their another hobby will be gift giving they are very thoughtful and they'd love to make you smile . The four of wands with the five of cups rx is very much i don't want to see them sad , i don't want them to doubt our connection, i want to put efforts for them , i want to do SO much that this person never feel less about themselves, i feel like being with this person , one of the best things about them ...that you're gonna like is they are deadly whatever they do its 100% efforts they dont like to tease their partner even in a slightest way because they know words can stick with a person forever so they're very mindful ,people can envy this the most about you guys its like no one can say anything bad abt my partner if you're gonna be passive then i might play this game as well , they could have a scorpio mercury or virgo so whatever they say is gonna hurt the other person because scorpions and virgos are known for their details , they study people very deeply , whatever they say hold meaning.

This person is definately that cold hearted girl/ guy or you are because i'm picking up on this black cat energy from you and cats do not chose their owners instantly neither do they love everyone. I Also picked up on a very rockstar appearance like long hairs , leather jacket, ripped jeans , its so cool , they remind me of early 2000's era

How will they pursue you : competitively , your friends post you every week ?? ...i'm gonna post you everyday its that kind of person lol , the back of the deck I usually take that as an overall energy is ace of pentacle which is a very stable and set energy in its own so whatever they do , they do it to achieve victory , to be recognised, to show you that they are the shit (;

Channelled song :

Thank you for reading!!

🫀Pile ll .

For this series if you have any topic suggestion let me know I'll include it

| 10 of cups , strength, four of swords |

Ok so this is our cool guy /girl lmao

Even though they will be putting in efforts to pursue you , you shouldn't know that they are doing that , i feel like they will be pursuing you from the get go like this person on a random monday evening will just accept i have feelings for this person and i want them , now this person will try to make it seem like its all a coincidence, this could be a leo mercury or gemini they try to entertain people with their words but their words hold honesty which people cant always catch so they will try to make you feel comfortable like you should feel happy in their presence and it will satisfy them and they will replay this in their mind at night like oh this person laughed at my joke they touched me i made them happy and it brings a smile on their face , they might say or do things which will make you laugh take a scenario like OH ...and you're like what happened and this person is like deja vu darling i think we belong together the universe knows and its so cheesy but its also so cute , they like to break this barrier between you guys , this person will be friendly towards you , they will flirt with you , they're also very spontaneous and a little bit tricky they love to play with you , lets say you guys have a dinner plan and you're excited you're dressed up you have already reached the venue but they will purposefully show up late and when you text them they're like WHAT...? We had plans ? but they are just joking they are alrdy at the venue waiting for you to see them , they might even joke with you like oh i have 5 kids to feed ofcourse i'm late & its a very playfully banter , you play along like YOU match their freak ... its ridiculous you wanna be mad at them but you can't but i understand your feelings pile 2 and i validate 🙂‍↔️✋🏽

I really think this person is gonna steal your parents love like 😭✋🏽they are the favourite child now , this person has a tendency to play cool like they dont wanna give in first..... they want you to give in first its kind of a cute ego idk , let's take a scenario they say "love you " and you're like where's my " I LOVE YOU " and they're like yes "I LOVE YOU TOO" so petty 😭 they have this natural ability to piss you off , this is the type of person when someone would ask you guys ..."so who confessed first ??...they're gonna jump in like ofcourse it was them , they were crazy about me like you dont know i had to give in but its not true its the opposite. So as you can already guess their ass ? Dramatic ...but you cant say they are dramatic because they are gonna be MORE dramatic about it .

How will they pursue you ? With fear because i feel like they will mask their desire to make you theirs with humour you could start off as friends or colleagues so they cant be very open about their feelings because they feel like you are not focused on love and you might reject them so it's their little cute tactics to get to your heart yeah but they are gonna be very anxious about it they could even suffer from inferiority complex.

Channelled song:

Thank you for reading!!

🫀Pile lll.

For this series if you have any topic suggestion let me know I'll include it

• 3ofcoins, wheel of fortune rx , seven of swords rx •

This person will absolutely be focused on providing comfort to you whether it be emotional or sexual , they love to do things with you they love to hang out with you , they creatively express themselves, they are someone who's gonna listen to your rants they are gonna embrace every flaw & every good thing about you , you are gonna feel exposed in their presence there's something about this person knowing you more than you know them , they really love to spend time with you , i'm seeing this person pushing you towards better goals like your life is gonna improve being with them ,this person will be very happy for your success, they are gonna put you on pedestal they think you are more lovable than them and you deserve more than them and i can confidently say they'll always love you more than you love them its very sweet but also sad , they have insecurities yet they are here trying to soothe your heart, they are gonna apologise first its like they dont wanna lose you they know how to keep a connection you wouldn't need to worry this is a connection where you can let yourself just be you aint gonna walk on eggshells, they are mature , i feel like this person cannot express themselves through words so they prefer to write to you , take you to places with them , praise you infornt of others , make you something, i feel like this persons love is comforting and sweet , you are their equal and they want you to feel like that.

This person will definately engage more in your life , they are gonna be supportive towards you like a best friend, they will overgive to you , they can even say stuff like ...." as long as i'm here i'm gonna be there for you ".....they will hold your hand while you walk they will listen to your problems, they will embrace your silly nature , take you out , spend time with you " i'm getting this line you came and the other one is like you called " it went viral on tiktok i think its from a movie but yeah the energy is very much sweet

Oh you guys this is so sweet , you guys dont speak the same language? They're gonna learn for you we have that kind of person here , you know when they are in love they get hearty eyes it shows on their face and in their behaviour, those sneaky eye contacts , those blush when you are mentioned, the sincerity in their words ,its all there .

How they're gonna pursue you ? Its very passionate and being Passionate does not mean always having hots for each other and that is exactly how they will make you feel , you feel this wholeness i'm having a hard time describing it...its so divine...you know just so grateful and lucky to have a connection like this in this day n age , Yeah 😭this is sooooooo damnnn cuteee i'm scared of this person's energy its very intense , i mean your partner is into worshipping & if you like this then this is definitely your pile (:

Channelled song:

Thanks for reading!!

[anneowl2803]

Polls underistemated Trump in 2016 and 2020 even though he lost.

I never said anything in here, but I thought he was going to win the moment polls started showing a tie.

I think the reason a lot of people are genuinely surprised by Trump winning again is that they never seeked out news’ sources that stand on the other side of the political fence. If they had, they’d have realised:

— A lot of people who voted for Trump didn’t vote for Trump. They voted for Trump and JD Vance, Bobby K. Jr, Tulsi Gabbard, Vivek Ramaswamy, Charlie Kirk, Elon Musk and all other prominent Trump supporters that will become part of his government.

— A lot of people voted against the Democratic Party, for several different reasons. They didn’t think Kamala Harris would have won the Democratic Party elections, for example, and felt like she was being imposed on them; or they were disillusioned by the party and its new priorities.

— A lot of people voted against the establishment. I don’t know whose idea it was to have so many celebrities endorse Harris, but it was not a good call. It gave an incredible elitist vibe to Harris’ campaign, which was already failing in distancing her from the last four years.

— A lot of people voted against radical woke culture. They don’t believe in Critical Race Theory, they don’t want their children to be able to medically transition before 18, they don’t want trans women in women’s sports or prisons, they don’t think Marxism works in any form, they dislike some forms of climate protest (like the destruction of artworks), etc.

— A lot of people voted for Trump in the hopes of a better economy, because they are struggling to put food in their childrens’ mouths.

Now, we can disagree with all of these reasons. Say for example that CRT is valid or that Kamala would have been better for the economy. But the major pollsters failed to even identify all these reasons existed or that they were this popular.

Never trust the polls.

[hanjiwuver]

Could you maybe do one of seungmin getting mad at you in public for wearing revealing clothes, ty!

Seungmin Drabble #1

*~Disobeying Dom Seungmin~*

pairing: hard dom!seungmin x sub!reader

warnings: MEANIE PANTS SEUNG! no smut but very suggestive, lots of degredation, reader is called a bitch, i think thats it.

note: personally…i could never disobey him but thats just me🐶 good luck with that tho!

heres ur order!! smut under the cut!!!!!!!!!!!

it was going to be a perfect night. your boyfriend seungmin finally got reservations for that fancy, expensive diner you’ve been dying to go to.

the only problem was..you were running a little late.

you took a nice, long shower beforehand, using all the scents you know he loves on you. laying out three different dresses on your bed, you quickly tried to decide which one would be the best fit for tonight’s important date.

one was grey, and wrapped your body elegantly with silk fabric. the second was light pink, with a high cut waist and a frilly bottom, seungmin loves that one. and the third…oh.

seungmin hates this dress. he specifically told you not to wear it in public anymore. its was a black, hollow out dress with sheer fabric and strings where there wasn’t your boobs or your ass showing. nothing different than a stripper dress.

now, you know seungmin better than anyone. and when he says he hates that dress, its not because its ugly in any way, shape, or form. no. the way you look in that dress could make even him fall to his knees for you.

it’s because of the attention it brings to HIS precious girl. seungmin isn’t an insecure man either, he obviously wants to show you off on his arm when you get all dolled up for him, but with THAT dress? you couldn’t even get a few feet away from him without being approached or even made a pass at.

he knows you would never leave him for another guy, he just can’t stand people sizing up his pretty little prey like wild beasts. so, you aren’t allowed to wear it per his rules, fine. but honestly, you’ve always wondered what would happen if you disobeyed him.

so..maybe you wore the dress anyway..how bad could this go, right? now the problem was, how to get there.

normally he would pick you up in his car, but you know for a fact he would make you change immediately. so that was out. maybe you could just text him?

minnieeee?

hi, sweet baby🩷 you ready to be picked up?

uhhh

hm?

actually min, can i drive myself and meet you there? i have a suprise for you.

uh oh.

WDYM UH OH

that can’t be good. you’re scaring me💀

ITS JUST A SUPRISE OKAY

…its the dress isn’t it?

..no actually! its a secret so you’ll know when i get there so i actually have to go now and walk my fish see you soon love you bye-

we’ll see.

your nerves are alight as you pull into the parking lot, biting your lip in fear and arousal at how seungmin will deal with you. you’ve never disobeyed him before, always wanting to recieve his sparing praise and not cause a fuss.

your heels click against the floor as you step into the new diner, looking like the most expensive thing there. the confidence you’re radiating is only surface level though, the truth is, if you had a tail right now it would be tightly tucked between your legs.

when the host tells you where seungmin is sitting, you hesitantly make your way over. he is indeed there, he smiles at you sweetly before looking down at that dress. that stupid fucking dress.

he looks back up into your eyes with a dissapointed, mean glare in his. if you were at home, that look would have you begging for forgiveness. you immediately look down, shying away from his gaze as you put your purse down and bow slightly at him.

“hey, seungmin..”

“sit down.”

the demand has you plopping down in your seat without hesitation. his tone is clear and calm, but equally cold.

“i thought i told you not to wear that dress. hm? or are you just too dumb and slutty to remember my rules?

oh. his harsh words make your thighs rub together, still refusing to meet his eyes.

“m’sorry..”

“sorry what.”

“so..so sorry, sir.”

“look at you. i do all these nice things for you, give you all my attention and look where it gets me. is my attention not enough? need it from the other manwhores here? i think you’re just too much of a slut to be thankful.”

his words have bite, making you equally feel bad for disobeying and almost drool from the degradation.

“yes sir, im a slut, sir.”

“i know you are.”

“just..wanted to see what you’d do..”

“want a punishment? is that what the dumb whore wants? hm?”

“um..depends what it is?”

“you don’t get to choose, stupid.”

“…well, what are you gonna do then?”

seungmin leans forward, resting his elbows on the table and looking at you with an amused expression. only this time do you meet his gaze, looking up at him through your lashes expectantly. seungmin scoffs.

“don’t fucking look at me.”

your eyes shoot down, just listening to him obediently. he leans forward to whisper in your ear.

“..when we get home, im ripping that slutty stripper dress off of you for good this time. then, im gonna muzzle you and make you beg for me to pound that slutty pussy like a good bitch. then lastly..you’re writing lines, sweetheart.”

sorry for ending it there..u just look so cute when ur teased<3 order again soon!🐶

[serene-sky-kid]

hey! here I am to spill long texts again, because this is my blog and I love to talk about my ocs. First, the drawings, I really liked how they turned out, the brush helped a lot because it felt very light, I will probably paint these drawings in the future.

Orion and Berk, both adopted sons of Reah…

I remember I have mentioned a few times the staff Orion has and the bells on it. Here it is designed, there is not much to say, the staff does not sound unless you imbue it with light, its sound depends on the bells attached to its side and serves to attract the creatures of light, it is a tool used for migrations. I've changed the orion mask again, but I still haven't decided its colors or if I should leave it like this, I think it looks cool anyway.

Regarding Berk, I've thought more about him, now he has a tail! in the end I've come up with the idea that he has some kind of memory problem, he just has the personality of a golden retriever and it makes him incredibly childish. He forgets where he goes, he forgets what he was doing sometimes, he forgets things he's supposed to know how to do, sometimes he forgets people, but he doesn't feel particularly sad about any of it, it's like “oh, yeah that's right!” and then he'll remember again just by having something to put him back on course of what he forgot. Everything about him is a bit of a blur even his moth days, but he's really happy because he has orion, Reah and Taro to help him. Fun fact, berk is an excellent chef, but he always forgets so he has a recipe book.

[drdemonprince]

Heck, I was just wondering about catastrophising. I've seen a lot of it these past days that makes me glad I don't really do social media anymore, because hot damn. But people I actually know, and have a rapport with, have gone absolutely mental and it hurts to see them take a running leap off the deep end into catastrophising. (Including spouting conspiracy bullshit about controlled opposition...) I guess it's the shock and this is them trying cope poorly with it, but damn, it hurts to see and is so fucking unproductive and draining.

it drives me fucking nuts and makes me so anxious. I think the nature of how social media works (and the advent of the 24 hour news cycle that came before it) means that people are especially unskillful in stopping rumination at this point in human history. people lock on to unproductive thought cycles really badly and if anything it's socially encouraged. I think all you can really do is step aside when people's explosiveness is getting to you -- it's been getting to me a lot these days. When loved ones spiral at me I try to let them get it out of their system and then find my space.

I've been keeping myself mentally busy by reviewing a recent journal article on global transmisogynistic attitudes that I'm going to write an essay about next week, and that's been helping me feel like I'm doing something useful to others while also keeping my mind engaged. It's a really impactful study I'm excited to share with a more lay audience, because it demonstrates so clearly that transmisogyny is its own unique bias that is independent from & more severe than prejudice against trans men, but it also has key flaws because its author is a cis woman with apparently no knowledge of the theories of transmisogyny that trans femme scholars have put out. Anyway, it's good to have things we feel capable of working on and important we find our niches for making a difference.

[reds-skull]

The frames of the video from the comic in the previous post. I experimented a lot with this, it was really fun to work with this chunky brush I found. Also the first time I draw the Reaper of Destruction as it was before Lumity!

More comments under the cut+a frame I ended up scrapping!

I'll go by order of appearance, because it's basically a chronological retelling of the events of part 1.

So the first frame is the least fancy because it was the first and I didn't nail down a style for this yet lol. It shows Ghost and Soap's first true meeting, in chapter 1, where Ghost helps Soap when he gets impaled by a rebar.

The second frame jumps to chapter 8, when Ghost first put Soap in Limbo. The triangle around them was a later addition, taken from the next frame. I love this scene, it's so fun to see it drawn out now :)

The third frame was the most important one to nail the style. I painted a whole frame, only to come back to it the next day and restart from almost 0.

This is the original third frame

They both show the same event - chapter 21, the second time Soap is thrown into Limbo. The difference is, one shows a more literal image of what happened, and the other is more symbolic.

And by now I think you know how much I love symbolism lol

What also bothered me with the scraped painting is that the composition isn't central, and the entire pose, while more dynamic, isn't fitting the mural feel the rest has.

There's an even earlier version of the scrapped painting, with Soap's face, but nowhere else there are faces in these series, so I went wild with it and covered it with flames. He had them behind him already, as the description of this scene in the fic says Soap had a helo of fire behind him.

(also hated how Limbo's victims looked in the scrapped version like... ew lol)

There wasn't a real reason to add the circles around Soap. I just wanted to lean more heavily into the mural style. But I took that circle motif to the end, after that, and added it to Ghost as well, hence the triangle.

Soap has one skeletal hand, and one palm. That one is on purpose, to show he's hanging in between life and death.

The fourth frame is pretty self-explanatory, it shows the part in chapter 21 where Soap gets the dark marks on his forearm. If the colors look weird in that one, it's because I messed with them so much I couldn't tell if they look good anymore on not

The fifth frame shows another favorite moment of mine, the moment Ghost gets his marks, the white tear tracks, when he finally notices Soap fighting in the void.

The sixth frame is my favorite of the bunch. Soap and Ghost, the triangle and circle combined. The moment they killed Graves, Ghost in full control of his subjects, Soap with his sword of white fire and army of burning moths. They look so scary in this one I love them

The seventh frame shows Void and Destruction. Void was straight forward, I've drawn it a few times before, but I had to make a more detailed design for Destruction, and I only had the very first sketches I made for Revenant AU to go off of, as well as Lumity's design. Idk why I designed Lumity before Destruction, but that's how it is. I wanted Destruction melting, like it can't handle its own heat.

The eighth frame is of Void and Destruction combining. In the fic they had in-between states, it didn't look like this, but for the sake of the video I thought it'd be nicer to have a clear frame of them combining.

The ninth and last frame is of our beloved Lumity. Their design is a little more detailed than the drawing I made a while back. This frame is also the only one that interacts with the foreground, aka Makarov. I think he was jump-scared, don't know how much that comes across.

Damn I had a lot to write. Well, when given the opportunity to ramble...

[rikkiz]

Can you write a step-cest or, like the reader, is friends with his sister, and they hook up behind her back or smth only if you would like to 💐💐

Dirty Little Secret - Nishimura Riki

To say you had a crush on Riki would be an understatement. Embarrassingly enough, you were completely infatuated with him. You didn't know what it was. He was just so appealing to you. What was probably the biggest appeal was its forbiddenness. He was your best friend's brother for god's sake.

At first, you thought he had no interest in you. But the interactions, whether small or not, had you thinking otherwise lately. The looks exchanged between you both, how he'd brush against you as he walked past "by accident", and stuff like that. It all had you wondering if you had a chance.

One day, you decided to go to your best friend's house to see if she was there as you wanted to hang out. You also figured that even if she wasn't, it'd be worth it to go just to see her brother who'd likely be home.

You arrived at the front door and rang the doorbell before waiting for someone to open the door. You stood there for a moment before the door opened and you were met with Riki standing in front of you, towering over you as he looked down.

"Uh, is your sister home?" You shyly asked as you looked up at him, your cheeks flushing.

It was so obvious to him that you had some type of feelings for him. You hadn't exactly done a good job at hiding it. He noticed your blushes, the way you'd freeze up when he'd "accidentally" touch you, the way you stammered when you both spoke. He wasn't stupid.

"No, she had work. She didn't tell you?" Riki asked.

"Well... no. This wasn't really planned. I just wanted to stop by." You explained as you looked down at your feet. "I'll get going." You tell him as you glance up back at him and go to leave.

"You don't have to leave. You came all this way after all." Riki said and you found yourself freezing. "Come in." He said.

You found yourself stammering, "It's fine. Really. I should go."

"Y/n. You're my sister's best friend. I see you all the time yet we never hang out. Let's hang out." Riki insisted.

"I- um, okay." You finally agreed.

Riki smirked a little, "Come inside." He said as he slightly stepped out of the way, barely though, forcing you to brush against him as you stepped inside, sliding your shoes off by the door.

He leads you to the kitchen, "Want something to eat?" He asked as you walked into the kitchen with him.

"I'm okay. Thanks." You say.

"You sure?" Riki asked and you simply nodded in response.

He didn't say anything more as went to get himself a snack. He grabbed something to heat up in the microwave and put it inside before pressing some buttons and leaning against the counter as he waited for the food to finish heating up.

"I always see you but you never talk to me. Don't like me or something?" Riki teased a bit, knowing that wasn't true but he wanted to point out your distance from him.

"No, that's not true." You say a little too quick. "I- I just don't know what to talk about with you..." You tell him as you look down again.

Riki decides to be a little bold, well, not a little, a lot. "How about we talk about the way you're always blushing when you're around me. Like, right now." He points out and as soon as you process his words, your tensing up and your heart's beating out of your chest.

"W- what?" You stuttered.

"You think I'm stupid or something?" He asked.

"No..." You responded as you looked into his eyes, noticing how he slowly stepped closer to you.

"Really? Then why are you so shocked I knew you liked me when you make it so damn obvious." He said.

You don't know what to say. You're at a complete loss of words. Were you supposed to defend yourself and deny the accusations? Was there even any point? You couldn't even tell if he hated the thought of you liking him.

You didn't need to think much though because you got your answer when Riki leaned down and kissed you. That kiss wasn't exactly gentle either. He was rough as his hands went your hips, pulling you closer as he bent down and kissed you passionately.

You moaned out in surprise as your hands went to his chest and you held onto his shirt, reciprocating the kiss. The fact that this was wrong was nowhere in your mind right now. All you could think was "Riki, Riki, Riki, Riki."

Riki didn't break the kiss as he lifted you up on the counter, his hands now resting on your ass he pressed himself against your clothed core, your legs wrapped around his hips as he mindlessly ground against you.

The food in the microwave was completely forgotten as you both kissed feverishly, his hips now slightly thrusting against you so that you were practically humping at this point.

Your moans against his mouth combined with both the friction and the fact that you were right here for him was enough to make him as hard as a rock. You were soaking wet, leaking through your panties at this point. It was obvious the two of you just wanted each other- wanted each other really bad.

His hands moved to the waistline of your pants as he pulled away from the kiss. "Can I?" He asked and you nodded. He lifted you up a little as he pulled your pants down, now leaving you just in your underwear down there.

"God, wanted you for so long." He groaned out as he looked down at how your underwear stuck to your core.

Riki then pulled your undies off, leaving you completely bare. He stared at your leaking cunt. You shuttered at his gaze before your hands went to his waistband, tugging at it a little.

"Want me?" He asked and you nodded. As if it wasn't obvious enough.

He just chuckled before pulling his pants and boxers down, his hard cock springing out, hitting his stomach. Your breath hitched at the sight.

"I'll pull out, 'kay?" He said and you probably shouldn't have trusted that so easily but you did, nodding eagerly, just wanting him to fuck you already.

He held his shaft before guiding his tip so that it was rubbing against your folds before sliding just the tip into your leaking core, causing you to whine out as you held onto his biceps. He groaned out before slowly sliding in more, letting you adjust before eventually bottoming out.

"Fuck." He cursed as he felt the way you squeezed him so good.

He then slowly started to move his hips so that he was thrusting in and out of you, his pace growing quicker and more rough as you grew more comfortable.

You were whining, moaning, and crying out for him. You held onto him for support as he held you by your hips against him.

"Fuck- fuck-." You whined out as he hit a particular spot.

"Feel good?" He huffed out, continuing to hit that same spot, seeing the effect it had on you.

"Ah, yeah." You moaned out.

"Good." He groaned out as he continued to hit that spot.

As he hit that spot, it didn't take long for you to feel something that had you knowing you were going to cum soon.

"I- I'm close." You moaned out.

"Me too. Me too." Riki said as he held you closer, hitting deeper, if that was even possible.

You were nearly crying at this point as he fucked you. Without any warning, you cumming. He fucked you through it before he was pulling out, jerking his hand a few times, and cumming on your thigh.

After the both of you came down from your highs, he lifted you up, gently taking you off the counter. "I'll take you to my room. Clean you up. Okay?" He said.

"Okay." You nodded, feeling dazed.

You couldn't believe what just happened. You wondered what this now meant. Would you just pretend this never happened? Would you continue to simply fuck in secret? Would this turn into more than something just sexual? You would just have to wait and see.

[dalishious]

Veilguard Companion First Impressions

So, I’ve finally recruited all the companions for the Veilguard! And as such, I thought I’d share my initial thoughts on them each.

Please keep in mind that as the title says, these are just my first impressions. I am nowhere near finishing the game yet. My thoughts very well may change after getting to know the characters more as the story progresses. Also, please do not take any opinions you do not share as a personal attack against you.

Bellara

Bellara might be my #1 favourite.

I’ve seen some people just say Bellara is “a Merrill rip-off” but I don’t think that’s fair at all. If all it took was a few similarities to say a character is a rip-off of another character, than I can think of so many boring white cishet male characters who would be guilty of that. But heaven forbid we get more than one elven woman who is passionate about her people’s culture and history!

Frankly, I think Bellara is a breath of fresh air in terms of Dalish characters specifically. Finally, a Dalish elf who isn’t punished for being proudly Dalish by the narrative.

I also really appreciate that so much of her can be easily understood by her backstory, too. Like, her feelings of never being good enough is reflective of the very realistic grief she is experiencing.

Lucanis

If Bellara isn’t my #1 favourite, then Lucanis is. They really both dominate that spot neck in neck. I can’t decide if I want to put him in a jar and shake it to see what happens, or wrap him up tight in a quilt and give him some good coffee.

I’m just a sucker for Lucanis’s character archetype, is the thing. I love taking him out simply because he’s so much fun to have around. And in terms of companion arcs, his is the one I am most intrigued to see where it goes.

Taash

(While I haven’t personally gotten to Taash’s non-binary plot yet, I am aware Taash switches to they/them pronouns, so that’s what I’ll be using.)

The moment I met Taash felt my heart skip a beat. The only thing hotter than their appearance is their voice. I know BioWare probably left Taash out of a lot of the advertising because they wanted to keep Taash’s gender stuff a surprise, but oh my god, because of this I was taken by quite the surprise. And so far Taash seems to be the type to keep a hard outer shell to protect a much softer side, and that is yet another character archetype I really love.

Davrin

My initial gripe about Davrin’s writing being so exclusively about Assan rather than Davrin himself is slowly peeling away, I hope. While I still think its bullshit that you can welcome Assan into the Veilgaurd but not Davrin, at least I’ve finally gotten a few bits of dialogue to get to know more about him finally. I just want to keep this momentum! Because Davrin as a concept has so much potential, in my opinion, and what little bits I have gotten from him have captivated me. But I can’t tell yet if it’s intentionally part of his character that maybe he’s just a closed off person who takes a while to trust others, (a little like Taash?) Or if the writer just cared more about griffons than the actual guy. I’m really, really holding out hope for the former.

Emmrich

Emmrich is so much more charming than I expected, and I found him instantly endearing the moment we met him. I also really like that we’re finally hearing some different stances and insight on death and necromancy than we ever had before from a companion! It makes him feel so fresh and completely new!

Harding

I’ll be real with you: I was not anticipating caring about Harding so much. She was who I was originally least interested in, when the companion line-up was announced. But the direction they’re taking her in has me questioning so much about bigger lore questions.

Unfortunately, I still don’t see much in her except being a vessel for those bigger lore questions, though. Like, Harding as a person has me mildly curious at best.

Neve

I’m really sorry Neve fans, but I just find her really boring so far, in comparison to everyone else. She doesn’t have a lot going on, and what she does have going on, doesn’t really captivate me much. Maybe I was just hoping she’d have stronger stances on things than she does? I don’t know.

It could be that I just really fucked up with Neve, and it won’t be until another playthrough that I’ll get to experience more that will change my mind. Because I will admit I am very good at picking choices she disapproves of, with my first Rook.

[waytootiredstudent]

Öhm. So this has gotten a wider reach than I thought! It does feel good to read the notes and to know none of us are alone in this moment what the actual fuck is happening.

Have an update. Because new things have happened and because in my attempt to keep it as a brief overview I skipped over. Like. A lot.

The tldr version:

There are two different votes, one to dissolve Parlament, one to elect Parlament. Theres a lot of discussion about that. It's the vote of no confidence that Merz is calling for to be next week, not an election!

Currently we don't have a majority in the goverment to, well, govern. Some ministers have two ministries to look after now. The guy who just got kicked from his job is already loudly proclaiming he wants to be finance minister again in the next coalition. Insanity all around.

The long version:

Let's start with something that made me laugh to keep the mood from being so doom-y yes?

You are so correct I love to know that thank you very much.

Now to clear up a little misunderstanding in the notes:

There's two different votes:

A vote of no confidence

An election

Those are two different things with two different time frames. In my attempt to keep it brief I think I scrapped one paragraph too many.

What Merz, the CDU guy that is a human being that forgot its soul somewhere on the way, has called for to happen next week is the vote of no confidence. Not the election itself. The vote of no confidence would dissolve Parlament if Scholz, the current chancellor, loses it, which it's pretty sure that he would. According to our Constitution after the dissolvement of Parlament, they 60 days to hold an election. Ppl responsible for that have already said "I mean this is our job yeah we can do that". Scholz wants that vote to happen in January, to hold the election in march.

Now that we got that out of the way, let's return to the insanity shall we?

Yes I understand completely but there's more:

So you remember how I said this is a messy divorce? The FDP has kept most of their children (the ministers, besides the one drama bitch that jumped ship)(yes the FDP didn't even manage a collective walkout why do you ask) but that left the seats open and the coalition needs to fill them. Which has resulted in a mud feast of accusations about how the coalition is putting up there friends in those seats to get them money and pensions and there have been calls to stop all promotions.

Well I don't know if you know that but you do need ministers to keep your goverment functioning.

Which is way there are now a couple ministers, including the one of the FDP that jumped ship, hold two ministries. The swearing of the new ones was so hasty that a couple ministers didn't make it and had their secretaries (I sure hope thats the right translation of the job lol) be their instead as a witness.

Now we have different problem besides that nobody knows what's going on or can agree on what's supposed to happen. Our current government is a minority goverment. Which is why Merz, you remember, the corpse of a human being that somehow convinced everybody that he's technically alive and should be given money for it, yes I am biased is that obvious, has called for the vote of no confidence to be called next week. So the elections could happen mid January instead of mid march.

Now. Let's break that down. What happens after a vote of no confidence?

Well if he loses Parlament will dissolve. Great time right now to not have a functioning goverment right?

Yeah. That. So everybody is split everybody is yelling over each other, there have been already two closed door meetings, one between the CDU and SPD (current chancellor's party), and there has been no agreement on any front. So it's currently a 'waiting with baited breath on what the fuck is going to happen'. Will we have a functioning goverment tmw?

Who knows! Not us!

Well i hope we will and I hope they get their shit together and agree on something because let me tell you I am not made for this kinda stress.

Best summed up like this:

I am so sorry btw for everyone that put their phone aside to escape the America election meltdown just to come back and find the German government meltdown.

Now we go backt to where it all started. Recently fired ex-finance minister Lindner. Yeah that bitch.

He is already making noise about how he's gonna be the candidate of his party in the upcoming election and that he's ready finance minister again.

Like bitch. Or son of a bitch in this case. Take a hint. You just got fired.

Let me just remind you that it hasn't even been 24h since Scholz kicked Lindner and the FDP out. All of this. Happend in under 24 hours.

Okay alright sorry for all the sudden German politics influx but lemme explain what happened so far and why Germans are losing it a bit:

The tldr? Our government is getting a divorce and it's turning messy with elections being called early and now being called even earlier.

The longer version?

Okay so, groundwork first:

in Germany there is a coalition currently in power called the Ampel(traffic lights) bc the colours of the party are red, yellow and green (or not anymore or for much longer??). They're centrist slightly more left leaning than right leaning. (You could argue about that I am aware). There has been infighting for as long as this coalition has been going on. It is also the first three party coalition since y know, the Last Time.

So. Enough groundwork. The yellow party (FDP) has a finance minister (Christiane Lindner) it's this guy

You will see him in memes I am sure. We don't like him. He's an asshole and has blocked every meaningful change that the coalition had been trying to accomplish. He also got his finance plan blocked by our highest court because parts were against our Constitution.

(.... I am oversimplifying hard here it's actually more complicated than that and not fully his fault, but it's also not the focus)

What WAS the fault though of him and the FDP was that they had a strong position of "saving money at all costs" which made bigger and bigger rifts with the two other coalition partners who were more leaftleaning. The war in Ukraine, Infrastructure, climate change - there were many places that needed more money and Lidner was like naaahhhhh for no fucking reason other than "oh we need to save money!!"

Long story short there have been arguing all the fucking time and therefore have started to lose approval. Drastically lose approval. As on for the first time since the Last Time there is a far right party in charge for part of the country that is also being investigated for being Nazis. (Oversimplifying again).

Which is. Worrying. You know. Especially with Trump now being elected. It has us all a little skittish.

The finance minister has also now been fired.

You see. We were all still trying to stomach Trump winning the US election, when Scholz, in the same fucking evening, fired Lindner.

And not in a polite way. Nah. Olaf fucking Scholz our Chancellor, notorious for saying literally nothing, and with a running joke that he regularly stops existing bc that man Does Not Take Stances, a spine of wet cardboard, delivered this yesterday evening:

(English subtitles by me you already got this far watch it I spent too much time on this lol)

And it is insane alright. For his standards and German politic standards thats the equivalent of calling Lindner a egomaniacal bitch that has only his self interest at heart and can not be trusted.

Lindner and his party have been pulverised in all recent elections. Which means that after he was fired, the FDP completely withdrew from the coalition and all minister from the FDP resigned.

....well all but one who apparently stayed in his positions because he's leaving the FDP over this. What sort of shitty backstabbing kindergarten fight is this. (Jokes aside hes the minister of transportation and says he needs to stay in office in important projects. Which. True. Having minister resigning en mass is not good)

Alright cool cool cool cool. Current situation yesterday is the following:

So. Trump is president. Fuck.

Lindner got fired! Yaaay!

Wait my goverment is now also falling apart! Fuck.

Which all lead to new elections being called in Germany.

Mind you, that's not usual ok. I know other countries have systems where they can call an election whenever but that is not a thing that normally happens here. We have a schedule alright. (Insert obligatory "Germans and their plans and structure" joke)

So new elections are called for spring, nearly a year early. Cool cool cool. With a right wing rising in Germany and deeply unpopular current leadership. On the eve of motherfucking trump getting elected.

Habeck, leader of the green party and one of the few policians in germany I think is vaguely liked by ppl (the general attitude in German politics is less "I like this guy" and more "you are the least shitty choice I guess") has appearently also nearly started crying after the news broke. So. Yeah.

Now. Let's make this shitshow complete,alright?

There is this party. CDU. They had been in charge for a very long time in Germany. Centrist, right leaning, with the afd on the rising even more right leaning than before. Their current leader is Friedrich Merz, as unpleasant as human beings can go.

He has now called for the new election to be not in a few months but like. To be called next week.

In the current climate.

So yeah. if you're German mutuals and friends are currently going through their own stages of grief - this is why.

[laura1633]

Oh wow i have a serious problem i just went over what i wrote to you and i probably should have stopped at the first two sentences but it gets me upset the abuse lando faces i dont even like the guy i perfer oscar, max, charles and carlos but even i know that sending death threats to someone is not okay, and it upsets me that people almost always take his words out of context like when did lando say he actually had a chance at winning the wdc this year? I've seen people bash on him for the latest race where max raced incredibly, but what they dont seem to understand is that the race's terrible race conditions could have actually seriously injured him, we all seem to forget that the guy is younger then max, less experienced, and has huge problems with self-worth that actively seem to affect the way he race's. the fact that max won in the rust bucket that barely seemed to work in favor of the guy is incredable, but bashing on another driver for seemingly not wanting to take a chance with the awfull race conditions (*please note that this is what it looked like to me on what lando was doing that race where he did make mistakes but the weather wasnt helping ether* also note that that franco, oliver and others commented ether on the weather being dangerous, their cars 'Presumably the cars not agreeing with the weather ether', or the fact they couldnt see for shit and out right stated that someone should have a talk with the fia *i couldnt watch the whole race but ive seen snippets of driver radio's and the like, so i cant say with 100% certainty that this is correct*)

So yeah i think that, if i as someone who doesnt like lando, its really concerning what some people say about the guy and as a side note none of the other drivers seem to notice the hate from what ive seen but this last part might just be me. What are your thoughts on the hate lando's been getting seeming to increase anytime he seems to actually want to enjoy racing with the other more popular (equally popular?) Drivers?

🍑anon

Hi anon, 

That’s okay, I will respond to this ask rather than the previous one (but just for context for anyone else the previous ask was about fan fiction so wan’t anything mean). This ended up being a really lengthy answer because I have lots of thoughts!!! 

I’ll put the answer under the cut and tag as anti Lando despite this really just being my opinion and I personally don’t think I am being particularly harsh here but maybe people will disagree.

Firstly hopefully to most people it goes without saying that sending death threats is not okay, that goes for any of the drivers (and various other individuals that I have seen targeted over the past few years). I also have never understood people specifically going to an individual’s social media page just to spout negativity or abuse at them, if you don’t like someone you don’t need to follow them. 

However, I am surprised that people seem to be shocked that Lando is receiving hate online as this is absolutely nothing new and, if I am being honest, I have seen worse (not that this is a competition!).

I will speak from the perspective of being a Max supporter and say that the abuse he has received both online and at track has been appalling over the years. After Silverstone 2021 there were plenty of comments from people saying he ‘deserved’ such an awful crash or that they wished it had been worse. Even this year there were memes going around saying that maybe we needed a repeat of Silverstone 21 (a meme liked by Lando’s dad no less, not that I think we should be blaming children for their parent’s actions!). Not only that but there is rarely a week that goes by that I don’t see jokes online about how Jos is the only one that ‘can beat Max’ or people posting memes about Max being left at a gas station when he does badly. Max needed a bodyguard in Mexico last year because there were concerns over death threats, he’s been booed up on the podium, had people chanting cheat at him in the fan zone, every comment section on his social media includes comments telling him he is a cheat or that his achievements mean nothing. The British media are like vultures any time there is even a hint of controversy. I don’t know why everyone is suddenly up in arms about Lando receiving hate, perhaps its a case of only caring when it happens to ‘their’ driver. 

It doesn’t just happen to Max either. I don’t follow Lewis on social media but I still know the type or racist abuse he has faced over the years. Other drivers also receive abuse - Lance for example has vile things said about him, Nicholas Latifi was sent death threats after 2021. I am sure most if not every driver has experienced some level of hate. Social media can be extremely toxic. 

Do I think any of the drivers should have to deal with such toxicity? No, but Lando is nowhere near the only one to receive hate and I don’t think someone like Max who appears ‘strong’ should have to put up with things because people get the impression it doesn’t bother him.

Whether the other drivers notice, well probably they do but its not happening just to Lando. Did Lando realise how much toxicity was being thrown at Max after Austria or Mexico? Did he try and calm things with the media or did he double down and make things worse for Max? 

As for taking Lando’s words out of context. That definitely happens from time to time, the same as with any driver. Media goes for clickbait headlines and run with them. The problem is that Lando has also said things that haven’t been taken out of context and that people still find distasteful. The comments about it not being talent and being luck did not come across well. I was tempted to give him the benefit on that one and assume he was referring to himself and saying it was not him being untalented but unlucky but then he doubled down by saying nobody deserved to win the race more than George - how can I take that any other way other than the fact he was saying Max didn’t ‘deserve’ to win the race. 

As for Lando saying he thought he could win the WDC, if he didn’t think he could win it this year then to me that would be more of a concern. He has a championship winning car and has done for most the season, if he can’t win it now then when?! He should have been confident that he could win or at least put up a good fight. I would have had no problem with him openly saying he is going for the championship. Look at Charles who is not afraid to say that whilst it is still possible he is still fighting. I think part of the problem here lies with Mclaren because they should have been fully backing Lando and hyping him up but seemed to flip flop back and forth about whether they thought he was truly in the fight. It’s hardly going to give Lando confidence when his team don’t seem to be backing him as strongly as they could be. 

As for Brazil, Lando didn’t have a great race. George got past him at the start. He made too many errors. Charles finished in front of him despite starting behind him. Max, Esteban and Pierre took a risk staying out on those worn inters, they gambled on the fact the race would be red flagged but also on their abilities and confidence to keep the car on track under those conditions. They all did extremely well and deserved their podium spots. The most important thing though is that all the drivers came away without serious injuries because over the course of that weekend there were numerous occasions where entertainment was put over safety. If a driver felt they had to pit for safety reasons then I am glad they took that step.

Lando is younger than Max but I don’t think we need to baby him in terms of his racing or in terms of giving him a free pass with what he says in the media. He is 24 years old, the same age Max was when Max won his first championship under very intense pressure. 

I think you are correct about confidence or self worth affecting him. Whilst I wouldn't like to comment to much on his mentality, to me (and I don’t tend to watch too many of his interviews so I could be wrong) he seems to flop back and forth between being overly critical of himself and then also not taking accountability and saying someone else just had the fastest car or were lucky. I think it would be really good for him to be able to look as objectively as possible about where he has actually made mistakes and can improve but also being able to pick out the things he has done well and be proud of those things. 

Overall I don’t think any drivers should have to put up with the amount of hate that they have to put up with but Lando is not the only one to receive hate and, dare I say it, I don’t even think it has been as vicious as some of the things I have seen over the years. Social media is toxic and people should be more mindful and realise these are real people - all of them!! 

Also, once again lets be thankful that nobody was seriously hurt over the weekend and lets hope the Fia take steps to act more swiftly when safety cars and red flags are needed and that they put safety above other concerns.

[rekino2114]

The fact that Rose would remeber the first kiss got me thinking. What would the first kiss with the drdt girls be like?

First kiss with the drdt girls

A/n:sorry if I posted this later than my usual posting hour but I had to study for an exam

Teruko tawaki

"Ugh, really?"

"I'm sorry ma'am, but we have only one slice of cake left"

"No I- *sighs* it's fine, I should have known. Just get me the one"

Teruko dejectedly took the cake and paid. She went back to your table where you were smiling at her, making her feel even more guilty

"Here you are. Why did you take so long?"

She sat down and put the slice on your side of the table

"Yeah, so the line suddenly got way longer when i arrived, and they only had 1 slice left..... which wasn't even the type of cake you wanted......I'm really sorry"

"It's not your fault"

"It probably is though, you know,with my luck"

"Yeah, maybe it's your luck's fault, but it's not yours. The difference is important"

"......thanks"

"It's nothing, now let's eat"

"Hm? But there's only one slice"

"But there are two forks"

"But isn't the cake too small for two people?"

"Then that just means we'll have to eat something else later. Come on, I don't wanna see you all sad because you don't get to eat, what kind of partner would I be to not share?"

Teruko smiled and took the fork. She thanked you and started eating small bits of the cake. when you were finished, she looked up at you while you were wiping your mouth. She reached for her napkin to do the same but couldn't find it anywhere

"Eh? What the-?"

"What's wrong, teru?"

"Nothing, I just can't find my towel, it's not even on the ground, what the heck?"

"I guess you do have some cake on your lips"

"Yeah and I can't wipe it now"

"Well I might have a solution to that"

"Hm?"

Teruko was surprised to see that you got a lot closer to her and quickly understood what you wanted to do, she blushed but nodded giving you permission.

You kissed her lips softly, and when you saw that she was enjoying it, you put more force into it, licking all the bits of frosting away

"Did you like that? Sorry if it was sudden but-"

"No, no its fine.....that was my first kiss, it was amazing"

"Yeah, same goes for me"

Min jeung

"Did you get that y/n?

"S-sure"

"OK, so explain it"

"..........."

"*sighs* you didn't get any of that did you?"

"........no"

"I told you I'm not good at tutoring, I'm used to studying by myself"

"Yeah, but I wanted to spend some time with you, and studying together seemed cute"

"It is.....just not efficient"

"Hehe, yeah, soooo can we take a break?"

"We started like 15 minutes ago"

"Come on, the test is in like 3 days we have a lot of time"

".......the test is tomorrow"

".......what?"

"You didn't know that? I thought that was the whole reason why you asked me to study with you"

"To be honest I just knew there was a test"

"*sighs*"

"........can we still take a break?"

"No"

"Pretty please?"

"No"

"But I'm so tired"

"It's been only 15 minutes"

"So there's nothing I can do to change your mind"

"No"

"Not even.......this"

Before min could even process what you said, you got close to her and kissed her. She went beet red, and when you pulled back, she stood frozen for a second

"Y-you, t-that was......w-why?"

"Sorry....was that too much?"

"N-no it's just.......it was my first kiss...like ever"

"Did you like it?"

"Y-yeah"

"Great"

You smiled and approached her again. You two kissed for the second time, and this time, min kissed back passionately. You moved her hair from her face to reveal her beautiful pink eyes staring back at you

"Your eyes are beautiful"

"Thanks, yours are too"

Arei nageishi

"Heck yeah! 4th strike for meeeee!"

Arei turned to look at you giving you a victory sign while you did a thumbs up while drinking the soda you got

"Soooo, am I awesome or what?"

She decided to take a break and sat at the table you got

"Definitely, you got the highest score"

"I mean, what else did you expect? I am the best"

"I guess that's true"

The bowler giggled, and she took a sip of her own drink.......before almost spitting it out at your next words

"Oh hey, someone else got the highest score"

"Eh? Who-......."

"Everything alright arei?"

"......that bitch"

"What?"

"That's g/n she's always been kind of a rival in bowling to me, she's still salty Hope's peak chose me over her, I mean it's not my fault that they recognize actual talent"

The very unpleasant looking girl that arei pointed towards approached your table with a forced smile and started to glare at arei

"Hello,arei, fancy seeing you here"

"Oh my god, hiiiii, how long has it been.... eternally in second place?"

"Strong words from a girl who had to ruin her sisters lives cause she couldn't handle a bit of negativity"

You saw arei's fake smile drop and a mix of rage and confusion appear on her face

"W-what? How do you-"

"I have my sources, anyway I'm not here for you, I'm here for them"

The girl pointed at you while staring with a flirty gaze, you knew where this was going and you hated it

"So come here often?~"

"Yes I do, to cheer up my girlfriend"

"Oh! So you're a thing! How did a hottie like you end up with such a bitch?"

"A BITCH? look who's talking, you're trying to steal my partner"

"Please. We both know you don't actually love them, I mean, can you even feel love when you're such a horrible piece of shit?

"I-i'll show you how much I love them"

Arei then suddenly took your collar and pulled you near her kissing you

"Happy now? I suggest you get your flat ass outside right now before I start throwing punches at that abstract painting you call a face"

The girl stormed away, and arei laughed a bit at her before looking at you

"You okay? Sorry for her"

"No, it's fine, it's just......that's not how I expected our first kiss to go"

".........fuck that was our first kiss?!"

"Yeah"

"S-sorry do you wanna redo it or something? I just got worried and-"

"No It's fine, you're actually a great kisser"

"R-really? i mean Y-yeah, of course i am"

Hu jing

After hu finished her performance, a roar of applause came from the audience, but the loudest and most passionate claps came from you, hu recognized that, and after bowing, she smiled brightly at you

When the concert was over and everyone went out, you approached your girlfriend and held her hands

"That was amazing hu, I can definitely see why you're the ultimate zither player"

"Hehe, you exaggerate dear, I simply did what I love"

"But you're so skilled, to be honest I didn't fully know even what a zither was before I started dating you, and now it's one of my favorite instruments"

Hu blushed at your praise and she felt her heart beating faster with every second she was near you

"Can I come to everyone of your concerts? I just really wanna support you"

"Y-you'd really like that?"

"Of course I love you, like really really love you and I want to support everything you like, especially your ultimate"

"I just don't know what to say, darling. I'd love that, I'm love you too so much"

You got overwhelmed by your emotions and kissed the zither player on her lips, she blushed for a moment but quickly melted into it

"O-oh, sorry, you just looked so beautiful, and It just felt right to do that"

"No, it's completely fine. I loved it. For a first kiss, it was most wonderful"

"Then can I expect more?"

"Of course, definitely"

J rosales

"FUCK OFF YOU CREEP!"

J suddenly rushed in your dorm and slammed the door, she took a moment to breathe before looking at you

"It's Arturo again isn't it?"

"Yeah, that asshole thinks he can just follow me around, I told him I'm already taken, and that changed nothing, I think it even got worse"

"Oh, I'm sorry"

"No, it's not your fault. He's just a piece of shit"

"Yeah, I'll just talk to him"

"You sure?"

"Yeah obviously, I'd just be a bad partner if I didn't"

You opened the door and found the plastic surgeon still standing there

"Oh Julia you-....what are you doing here?"

"First of all, her name is j, and second, this is my dorm you idiot"

"Oh yes, you're Julia's "lover" aren't you? I still don't understand how she could fall for someone so ugly"

"Says the guy who has to wear a mask to hide how ugly he is"

"How dare you-"

"Listen, I don't wanna deal with you anymore, so I'll let you go, but next time you harass J like that, I'll go tell Xander, and I don't think he'd appreciate you treating his friend's girlfriend like that"

"Ugh such an ugly-"

"Yeah, Yeah I get it, now fuck off!"

You closed the door (kinda hoping to hurt him), and you heard as he walked away, you closed your eyes and sighed

"Geez what a loser, hopefully that will get him to stop"

When you opened your eyes, you were very surprised to see a blushing j standing mere inches in front of your face, and before you could say anything, she crashed your lips into yours. When she pulled back, she was blushing even more and pulled her hood over her face

"C-Consider that a thank you for what you just did.....o-or something.....God this is so dumb"

"That was great"

"U-uh? Really?"

"Yeah, it was amazing. You're actually a really good kisser"

"T-thanks I guess, you were a good kisser too"

Veronika grebenshchikova

"Is everything OK darling?"

"Y-yeah totally fine don't worry"

"Are you sure? I can turn off the movie if you'd like, I know this is our first movie night together and I just want you to be comfortable"

"No I'm ok"

"If you say so"

You were, in fact, not ok. You were never a fan of horror movies, but you didn't want to appear weak or boring to your new girlfriend so you didn't tell her anything, though that seemed to be useless as she still understood what you were going trough

When a particular scary scene came on screen, you couldn't take it anymore and hid in the covers, Veronika noticed this and followed you

"Shhh darling it's ok"

She hugged you and you calmed down

"I'm sorry vero, I just-"

She quickly silenced you by kissing your lips. You found it calming and comfortable, so you kissed back, when she pulled back you saw her staring back at you with a smile

"Did that help?"

"Definitely, that felt so great"

"Well I'm glad, listen, it's fine if you're not a horror fan, I don't mind watching another movie"

"No I'm ok, as long as you continue kissing me like that then I think I can handle the movies"

She giggled and kissed you again

"I'm so happy then you'll get alllll the kisses you could ever ask for my darling"

Rose lacroix

*knock, knock*

"Hey Rose, wake up, class already started"

You waited a second and got no response. You got slightly worried, so you entered since the door to her dorm was opened. When you entered, you found a huge blanket covering the bed and when you lifted it up, you saw your girlfriend sleeping soundly

"Rose,......hey rose, wake up"

You nudged her slightly, but she still remained asleep. You tried to do this some more times, but that still had no results

"Geez, she wasn't kidding when she said she slept 15 hours a day, but I guess working on all those paintings must be tiring"

You tried a few more methods to make noise, but nothing worked. You considered splashing water at her but quickly dismissed the idea when you thought about how angry she would be at you

"Rose, seriously, wake up.......my God, you're like sleeping beauty........wait a second"

You blushed at your own idea but dismissed that, too. If she was gonna be angry at you for splashing water, you couldn't even imagine what would happen if you kissed her without consent

"*sighs* I guess I'll tell the teacher you're sick or something"

You tried to get up from her bed but was stopped by someone kissing your lips, you turned to see that rose was awake and smiling at you

"W-what, why did you-"

"You weren't gonna do it, so I thought I should"

"You were faking it?"

"No, I only woke up 5 minutes ago, but hearing you talk about sleeping beauty made me wonder if you were gonna kiss me"

"You wanted me to kiss you?"

"Not really, I'm glad you considered my feelings, so I thought you deserved an actual kiss.......that was my first kiss, how was it?"

"Amazing"

"Eh, thanks I loved it too"

"Let's go to class now"

"Yeah"

[dangerousartisanwerewolf]

To all the Americans on tumblr rn...

I am not American, nor am I old enough to vote yet as I missed being the legal voting age for my province by only about a week- curse my extremely late birthday.

(which weirdly enough has also had such an incredibly tight election that they are still counting the votes right now even though it happened 2 weeks ago because the two parties are basically tied. }

but I am also very worried for you guys way down south. Hopefully America will put the right person into power this time and everything ends up being ok for you all. Not to be too cliché but I am sending thoughts and prayers and I hope you guys all stay safe down there. I honestly can't even imagine how you guys fell- I don't even live there and I've been feeling increasingly nauseous as the hours go by and I have had to offline for the most of the day.

Remember:

To take care of yourselves. Just in general, in whatever way you see fit

You absolutely do not have to live stream the election polling/results thing on TV, doom scroll election content the whole day long, watch the news, or consume any other election related content. As horrible as it feels to say this; the results will be the same regardless of whether or not you are watching it. Sometimes it is just better for you and your mental health to just log off of sm/screens for the night

If it all does feel like its getting too much for you, please log off/take a sm/screentime break

Most importantly, if you haven't already, please vote!!!! I am not American and am barley old enough to be considered a legal voter (Missed my own countries election *tears*) so I can't really help in terms of providing resources but I am sure there are all sorts that can help you I'm sure. I know that its getting late at night; some polls have closed already but not as many as you would think. I found out that most are actually open way later than I thought. As it turns out, some are even open til 1! You learn something new every day I guess!

Just Please, Please, Please go out and cast your ballot and make your voice known, with how close this is quite literally every voice matters!!! GO VOTE!!!

Poll closing times in case you need it (I only included ones that close 8pm and upwards because it is 7:30 at the time of writing this)

8 p.m. ET

Alabama

Connecticut

Delaware

District of Columbia

Florida (Polls in Eastern time zone close at 7 p.m. ET; part of Panhandle are in Central time zone)

Illinois

Maine

Maryland

Massachusetts

Mississippi

Missouri

New Hampshire (Polling hours vary by municipality and are listed by location here)

New Jersey

Oklahoma

Pennsylvania

Rhode Island

Tennessee

8:30 p.m. ET

Arkansas

9 p.m. ET

Arizona

Colorado

Iowa

Kansas (Polling locations close at 8 p.m. ET in all except four counties in the west)

Louisiana

Michigan (Polling locations close at 8 p.m. ET in all except four counties)

Minnesota

Nebraska

New Mexico

New York

North Dakota (Polls close at 8 p.m. ET in all but eight counties)

South Dakota (Polls close at 8 p.m. ET in the east)

Texas (Polls close at 8 p.m. ET for most of the state except three counties in the west)

Wisconsin

Wyoming

10 p.m. ET

Montana

Nevada (The polling location at City Hall in West Wendover closes at 9 p.m. ET)

Utah

11 p.m. ET

California

Idaho (Polling locations in the south close at 10 p.m. ET)

Oregon (Polling locations in Malheur County close at 10 p.m. ET)

Washington

12 a.m. ET

Hawaii

1 a.m. ET

Alaska (Polling locations close at 12 a.m. with the exception of Adak)

I'm not really sure what other useful info I could put as I don't know much about America or it's electoral system but I hope that helps.

A lot of people I have seen have been posting about how they feel sick to their stomach's and that they can't get off the news and how they just feel terrible so...

Things you can do to distract yourself for the rest of the night (And possibly the next few days, idk how long it takes to count votes)

Have an early bedtime/take a late nap (Only go to bed after 9 at least though, otherwise you'll mess up your sleep schedule and make you feel worse.) Just sleep your way througb it if you cant help it.

To add on to point one I often use asmr if I can't fall asleep right away/to distract myself. My favorites are: Jaden Aliana Asmr, Oceans Asmr, Kaitlynn Reha asmr, and my absolute favorite Goodnight Moon ASMR (Check out her babble brook, 1920's, or valley girl series')

Listen to a podcast (I like Rotten Mango- informative true crime, Buzzfeed unsolved- funny true crime/ghost hunting, Look behind you- also true crime, and Chris Chan; a comprehensive history)

Never too late for some cleaning! Clean your house, bathroom, bedroom, closet, do a deep clean.

If your a student like me- do your schoolwork! I know you have some studying or homework that needs to be done! Get on it!! I use the pomodoro method if that does anything

Have a self care night- do an everything shower or fancy bath, make facemasks, mani pedi's ect.

Watch a movie or marathon t.v shows you love/that are comfort shows (Some of my comfort shows are; Bobs burgers, Gravity falls, the moomins 1990, the office, what we do in the shadows, black books, derry girls, moone boy, and all creatures great and small and M.A.S.H. Some of my comfort movies are; Little women, the cornetto trilogy, Emma, Legally blonde, Pride and Prejudice)

Never too late for some cooking! One of my favorite hobbies is cooking and baking (Mostly baking) Make some chocolate chip and snickerdoodle cookies, muffins, cupcakes or try a fun cake.

Go for a night walk! Just make sure you bring a buddy and some flashlights of you're in total darkness like I am right now. (Love me a Canadian fall! Already snow where I am so of course that means everyone now needs to immediately put up Christmas decorations lol. At least the lights are nice at night)

Spend time with loved ones. Call or text a friend, spend time with your family, roommates, whoever. If your on campus at a uni see if there's literally any activities or clubs open at this hour you can go to

Read. I know you have a tbr you keep meaning to get to

Go on a research rabbit hole about something interesting. Try to learn something new. Some topics to get you started relating to where I live cause why not; Try to learn about : The Animals of Canada, Indigenous cultures and peoples of Canada- ex: try to learn some Cree or Halqemeylem phrases, try to memorize all of our provinces and territories.

Get through any chores you still have to do

Make/do something creative: Play an instrument, record a song, make a collage, paint, draw

Play some music, listen to your favorite songs on loop (Spotify's still collecting data for wrapped!)

Download a videogame on your phone- just one to pass the time even if its total addictive trash. Some ones I like: Moomin town- Idle, relaxing, town building, slowpaced, free, Miriam webster quizitative- free, wordgames, has an end to it, Toca boca hair salon- not free, hair salon game, endless, Toca boca town- not free but there are dupes, dollhouse game, bird bnb- townbuilding, slowpaced, as well theres all sorts of cute isle cat games; I like the grocery store and cafe ones

Make sure to:

Drink water

Eat at regular intervals

take breaks from screens (It'll hurt ya eyes)

get some sleep at some point

Don't sleep all day (Try to get up at a normal time)

if you feel like you need- put screen time limits on your phone. Or as well, turn down the brightness if you feel you have to doom scroll.

That's all for now. Hope you guys are doing ok and that the results are what we are all hoping for. Just know that you are in pretty much everyone's minds and we are all thinking of you (Even if we don't live in America). Stay safe and take care of yourself and your mental health.

Love, thoughts, prayers, and support from Canada/Tumblr and have a good night.

Congrats if you managed to get through this absolute brick of text. I commend you. I'll probably check back in tomorrow.

[swordsandarms]

i know you just tend to lurk (me too) but your fandomised rhaegar thoughts are very validating lol. ive always thought blue roses are symbolic of a child born from love, not symbolic of a woman. like lyanna has the roses cause she's jon's mother and rhaegar's love, not because they're her "thing"? never thought that was far fetched til coming online lmao.

OK, this was in my drafts for like a decade.

The roses aren't really the child or the woman, but a representation of the (tragic, but bittersweet) love itself. Though, of course, Jon as the "fruit"/"proof" of it is still at the centre of it all.

Used to hate the concept of "tragedy" and not understand how that can be compelling/satisfying. Turns out a lot of tragedy is badly done, hence the feeling of meaningless/pointlessness of it all some of them give you. Look at HOTD. The problem with the writing is that everything is made meaningless, not that your "favourite" isn't winning everything. It is the fact that it's all bitter and no sweet at the end of the day. (Not the book version, which is also a matter of how much better ASOIAF handles the "continuation" of the tragedy better than GOT).

I see Rhaelya as a representation of the concept: "The love was there. It didn't save anyone, it didn't change anything, but the love was there."

Once you get to look at it like that, it becomes very annoying when people in the fandom sound like a broken record of "what's nice about this?? EveRYoNE dIeS". Yeah, that's how tragedies work, but look at it as such and you'll see the nice, too.

It's not about how "oh, why would you think the author is trying to paint Romeo and Juliet as a romance when he liked Rosaline before, and now suddenly her overnight?"/"oh, it's all about how they are dumb teenagers messing up"/"oh, isn't Orpheus the dumbest for turning round".

Romeo and Juliet are young people finding a shiny thing in a shitty society that creates generational cycles of pain and hate for stupid reasons. The ending is satisfying not because the love is successful but because the characters - and readers are meant to - finally get that. Orpheus turns round because he loves Eurydice and if you did you would, too.

Westeros is a hellscape of ambition, heartlessness, and corruption. Everyone is stabbing everyone's back for a bit more of land, a bit more of wealth, a bit more political influence. Selling and pawning their loved ones for a corn chip. (Controversial opinion, neither Elia or Lyanna should have been in that position, but that's the reason why, "loving families" and all. Even more Controversial, Rhaegar shouldn't have been in that position also. And that's the "good" people - as Controversial as people might think that statement is for Rhaegar. But also OH, you mean selling off Cersei didn't work out well cause she was meant to be a pretty object and didn't have to be taught about armies and resources, just vanity? Or Lysa for some reason wasn't all that grateful to papa to give armies to the great alliance when they needed them, for reasons of keeping the one "trueborn child" she had sheltered, cause that's the one thing you promised her she could get if she did your bidding?) Looking away from what is fair when it is "lawful" according to the status quo (and fandom finds it easy to pinpoint it when it's someone deemed hateworthy, but will be 1000% lenient towards a Ned Stark, and will even hold characters they hate accountable when putting FAIRNESS ABOVE LAW).

And the thing about ASOIAF fandom is THEY LOVE THIS SHIT. They love to romanticise it all. But there's the paradox of it all. Romanticising comes with this idea of unrealistic wistfulness, I guess. If a character lives in "the cruel real world", the romanticised ideal is nice to think about. If they actually reach for ideals, they are fools who should get real about living in the "cruel real world".

Oop, I ventured far from the point. But I just love the whole CONCEPT of the blue rose at its roots. 💙 It literally means just that at its roots. Something wistful but unattainable.

[kaytheday]

Dog Tags and Damnation

Soda steps through the door as quietly as he can. Unwilling to wake the boy on the couch. Ponyboy was so exhausted that he couldn’t even manage to make it upstairs so he’d simply dropped onto the couch, practically guaranteed to wake up tomorrow with a killer hangover. He twists over in sleep, groaning a little and revealing a silver chain that slips out of his shirt to pool on the cushion below him. 

Soda’s dog tags. 

Bile comes up his throat and tickles his taste buds as he sways. He puts a hand on the wall to avoid falling.

He didn’t take those tags off for nearly a year. He couldn’t. If he was killed they would need those same dog tags to identify his body. Those tags would be the one to tell his brothers he was never coming home. Those same tags that watched him defile his parents' memory of the sweet little boy they had raised. Those same tags that hung around his neck as he did horrendous things, things that he would never ever breathe a word of to his brothers. Even if it killed him. 

Those same tags that he had hurled at Ponyboy nearly five days ago out of anger and frustration. Why couldn’t Ponyboy just leave him alone about this? Growing up, Soda always knew when to push Pony or when to back off, why couldn’t Ponyboy just return the favor? 

Both Darry and Ponyboy knew he had come back different. Darry had noticed but never said anything about it, but Ponyboy had taken a crack at it a couple days ago. Accusing him of using drugs to escape himself or some bullshit like that. It was those damn psychology courses he was taking at his fancy university. 

Then Soda had just laughed at him. Trying to crack a joke and say he should become a psychologist instead of a writer. Ponyboy had only gotten more upset, the tips of his ears going red as he tried again to push the issue, all while Soda deflected. Instead jerking past him to grab the chocolate milk out of the fridge, taking a swig straight from the carton. He had just finished a shitty day of work, he didn’t want to have a conversation about how shitty he was at being a brother too. 

Obviously frustrated, Ponyboy trudged on, trying a different tactic than the blatant observation of how Soda was killing himself with drugs. 

“You can talk to me, you know Soda? About anything, you’ve always been able to talk to me, even when we were kids You can still talk to me, now isn’t any different.” Soda wanted to rip out his hair and scream and then maybe beat someone half to death because it was different. Of course it was different. 

Ponyboy was different from Soda. He was good. Despite everything that had happened in his life, Ponyboy still found time to look at the sunset and read books and even write poetry. Despite everything, Ponyboy was still the same smart, talented, sensitive kid he’d been all his life. Losing their parents hadn't changed that, losing their buddies hadn’t changed that, and Soda was sure that even if Ponyboy had to complete a tour in Vietnam, he’d still come out the same poetry-writing, sunset-watching kid he’d always been. And he would continue to be like that, no matter what happened. 

So no, it was different. It was completely different. 

Soda was different. Anytime something terrible had happened in their lives, Soda had changed. A piece of him was chipped away and a mottled scar was left in its place. His parents death made him into the family bawl baby. His buddies' death had made him into a manipulating bastard with a colder outside shell. His tour in Vietnam had made him into a lot of things. It had made him into a broken shattered mess of himself, unable to find the pieces of his personality scattered on the ground. But the biggest and ugliest thing it had made him into was a killer. 

So Soda had tried to become some semblance of the person he was before this ugly stain on his life. He tried to say it kindly, he really did. 

“Yes it is Ponyboy.” He started gently. “I thought you were smart with all those fancy college classes you’re takin’ but you can’t seem to see that everything is different now.” He couldn’t quite keep the bitterness out of his voice. “I’m going to bed.” He decided with finality, having no desire to finish this conversation. Ponyboy gave a loud choked noise. 

“I don’t need those college classes to tell me something is wrong with my brother!” Pony shot back. “Why can’t you just tell us! Why didn’t you talk to me! Why didn’t you tell me you got shot!?” The last question comes out as a desperate hysterical scream. Pony is crying, but he’s trying so hard not to. Soda turned sharply from his spot on the stairs. 

“How’d you find that out?” He said quietly, almost dangerously. 

“I know when something is wrong with my brother Soda.” Ponyboy says simply before relenting the rest of the details. “I got your medical records pulled from the draft office. The officer there told me.” Before Soda can register what he is doing he is down the stairs eye to eye with Pony in some sort of stand off. 

“You had no right to do that you little son of a bitch!” Ponyboy doesn’t rise to the bait, insteading squaring his shoulders like he was expecting this sort of reaction. 

“Why didn’t you tell us Soda? Why didn’t you tell me? I could have helped you. I still want to help you.” Pony asks, grabbing weakly at Soda’s wrist. Instead Soda jerks away, shoving his brother a little as he bites out a curse. 

“You couldn’t have done shit!” He snarls. 

“Is this what the drugs are for?” Pony asks. 

Soda doesn’t answer, instead biting out another curse while Pony keeps trying. They yell back and forth at each other for a while before Pony brings up their parents. How they wouldn’t have wanted their little war hero turning to pot and heroin and god knows what else. Soda blanches, his fists faltering a little bit. Bringing up their parents was a low blow. Finally Soda does the only thing he can think of. He rips off his dog tags that had been hanging around his neck. 

“If you and mom and dad up there think I’m such a war hero then you can wear them!” He hurls the dog tags at Ponyboy and before he can see the aftermath, he’s trudging outside to the car and storming off. 

Now he’s still standing at the door. His eyes on Ponyboy's ungreased hair, flopping a little over closed eyes. This fight was five days ago, they had since made up. Soda didn’t know he was actually going to wear those dog tags. 

The same ones he’d rubbed while shooting at kids younger than Ponyboy. The same ones he stared at during the long rainy nights, nothing in his stomach, thinking of his middle name. Patrick, like his grandfather. His grandfather was buried at home. The same home he longed to be. 

Those dog tags had been with him through so much pain and misery. They had sat on his chest while he watched unspeakable horrors unfold, stories of destruction, blood, violence, and death. He hadn’t realized what those dog tags meant to him until he watched them tangle around Ponyboy's neck. 

Because he was glad.

He was glad Ponyboy would never have dog tags of his own. He was so thankful that Ponyboy would never have dog tags sit on his chest as he witnessed destruction and death. And though he knew it would never change the kid, he was glad it didn’t have to happen nonetheless. He was glad Ponyboy could go on reading poetry and looking at sunsets and writing books instead of sitting in an early grave. Or worse, coming back like him. Soda was so glad that the dog tags around Ponyboy’s neck read Sodapop Patrick Curtis instead of Ponyboy Micheal Curtis.

A second submission for day 3 of @outsidersweek

[blucactus112]

May never come to reality but im planning out a Animatic to AJR's 'Maybe Man' (sue me) and need some help filling in some of the parts.

(Its probably going to be about all the life series in general not specifically Wild life. but feel free to try it fit it all in one series)

!!!long post incoming!!!

General plan so far:

First Half(ish) will be calmly looking at hermits in their peaceful habitats talking about their insecurities.

Finishing the first half when we get to the god part it will be Grian before life series started pleading to watchers and becoming one himself then cutting to him and all the other lifers standing around in a circle (like the start of each series) (much wow)

ONE. TWO. PANDEMONIUM.

murder, just all of the scenes of people dying biggest polt twist, betrayals, and Amount of kills.

Also specifically a close up of grain seeing the server burning in the reflection of his eyes.

ending with another shot of the beginning of a server but we see grains eyes which are weathered and worn out and maybe has some watcher purple

Specific Lines:

Wish I was a stone, so I couldn't feel You'd yell in my face, it'd be no big deal But I'd miss the way we make up and smile Don't want to be stone, I changed my mind

Im thinking scar and Grian Desert Duo? also could be

I wish I had eyes in the back of my head Then I could see the places I've been But then I would know that you're talkin' shit I don't wanna know what my friends think

This im Deff thinking cleo bigb scott and lizzie from the Boogeyman series (i forgor wich one that is)

but open to other ideas

Wish I were my dog out on the lawn I'd be so glad when I hear you come home But if I were my dog, I wouldn't live long I'm sure gonna miss her when she's gone

This is pearl playing with a dog, you cannot fucking make me change my mind

I wish I could act in a show on TV 'Cause then I could practice not bein' me I'll practice my cry, put it into my reel But you won't believe me when I cry for real

im either thinking like Ren or Martyn because of the acting thing or one of the scenes usually portrayed as lots of crying (ie Scott at the end of double life)

I wish that my brain would triple in size I'd nail every joke, I'd win every fight But I'd get too deep with that kind of mind I don't wanna know the point of life

ive been thinking of this as jimmy in general but also i dont want to be mean so other ideas would be great

In some other life I would be rich I'd travel in style, I'd cover the bill But couldn't complain 'bout anything small Nobody'd feel bad for me at all

havent given much thought for ones after this but im thinking Scar on Magic mountain trying to scam everyone?

If I was cocaine or a bottle of Jack I'd get invited to every frat But when you get old and your good days have passed You'll only want me when you're sad

have there been any people that bounce between alliances during one series?

Wish I was a song, your favorite one You'd follow the dance to me at your prom I would be there when your baby is born For two or three minutes, then I'm gone

there was at least one dande floor that was a trap, right??

I wish I was big, as big as my house I'd sleep on the trees, I'd skip every crowd But I wouldn't fit on my therapist's couch God, I could really use him now

probably ep1 of WildLife

I wish I was God, I'd never trip up And if I did, well, so fuckin' what? I could be cruel and break all your stuff Yeah, I'd be loved no matter what

pov grain angst

grain is on super windy mountain top surrounded by watchers crying, pleading to them

But if I was God, it'd get kinda weird 'Cause you would only say what I wanna hear And then you would die, you'd love me to death I never know who the hell I am

grian is surrounded by purple light wings and eyes becoming at least in part, a watcher

I wish I was me, whoever that is I could just be and not give a shit Hey, I'll be whatever makes you a fan 'Cause I don't know who the hell I am

cut to peaceful tranquil plains, all of them jn a circle at beginning of life series laughing joking shaking hands hugging (set em up for emotional damage)

One, two, pandemonium

black, black, PAN DE MONIUM

cut to destruction of server only using reds browns and blacks showing carnage this series has brought (and yes ofc player has died messages will appear in the corner as if in chat)

One, two, pandemonium

im thinking each line will be each of the series in chronological order

Here I go again

One, two, pandemonium

Here I go again

One, two, pandemonium

One, two-

Here I go again

cut to beginning of ?wild life? they all have scars when their final kills have been, some look tired some look determined

if you end up making this animatic if you want to put me in the credits as like 'inspired by' :3 but honestly idc that much. but you HAVE to tell me if you post one bc i will watch the hell out of that

#god i need more tags

[hurtmemoreplease]

So, abandonment, right? I'm trying to put into words why that's such a dominant fear for me (and a pretty common fear for people like me!). I think a lot of it comes down to low self-worth. That if I'm abandoned, then it doesn't mean I lost a friend, it meant I was never deserving of having one in the first place, right? All of the emotions of the relationship sour; any praise I receive must have been a lie. All the vulnerability and sincerity I showed was embarrassing, they must have been laughing at me the whole time. I think its a common reaction to try to self-sabotage, once that way of thinking is ingrained. I'm talking about "I'm breaking up with you for your own good," types of behavior. There's an instinct on meeting someone new to present all of the ugliest parts of yourself, in the worst possible light, isn't there? If they can't handle your shit, then its better to find out early, right?

Except the truth is that that doesn't even work, does it? Because there's this ironclad certainty that they're wrong. Maybe they don't believe you, or don't get it. Or, or maybe there's just some other character trait or facet of your appearance that would turn them off as soon as they see it. And so there's this reservation. This constant waiting for the other shoe to drop. A kind of... "I'm telling you all that I'm not worth your time, so why won't you get it over with and leave me already???"

I don't know how to fix these thought patterns. Sorry. I'm not even sure it's possible to fix. This way of thinking doesn't happen on its on. And if you see yourself in this post, I'm very, very sorry. We'll get better. I promise you. We can. We will.

So, what if you see these behaviors in someone you love? I beg you, please be patient with them. You will have to soothe them time and time again. You will have to reassure them that you love them. And then you'll have to do it again, and again, and again. Please cut them as much slack as you can. Communicate. Let them know that it hurts you to see them act like this, but that you're willing to do it whenever they need. Give them evidence that you love them. Every day. Every time they get stressed, or afraid, or self-destructive. Be there for them. It will pay off. They will learn. Self-soothing is a skill, and it needs to be practiced and reinforced. They may always be a bit afraid of you leaving, but trust can be built, okay?