#i have a lot on my mind
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Some artpieces of Rainmaker and Deep Diver! I love both of them dearly.
#toonblr#toontag#toontown#corporate clash#toontown corporate clash#small artist#I have a lot on my mind#rainmaker#deep diver
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Are the, (checks notepad) five alive Tokyo Ghoul fans still accepting metaposting in 2024.
#I have a lot on my mind#can't promise it it makes sense or isnt flawed but hey that's what makes discussion so fun am I right#tokyo ghoul#tokyo ghoul re#tg meta#captain's log
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SPOILERS but...
There's two things I keep noticing in my playthroughs that would have so much of a bigger impact if the game gave them a bit more time to marinate. Killing Alfira and Astarion's ascension.
You're pretty much guaranteed to murder Alfira before the tiefling party and she's REALLY easy to miss at the grove if you don't know where to look for her and are not the "I must explore every nook and cranny" type of player so her death is just shocking, the element of "Fuck, I really cared about that character" missing. But what if she really stayed at your camp for a few long rests? What if you could chat with her, get to know her a bit more? And only THEN do you wake up covered in blood with her gutted body at your feet. It would mean a lot more story-wise too, make Sceleritas' threats of "You don't want a repeat of what happened with the bard, right?" more impactful. Because in-game right now she was simply a temporary stowaway and Durge can rationalise "well I would never hurt my friends", lulling themself into a false sense of security and an illusion of being in control. With Alfira being able to become their friend before they kill her, the stakes suddenly become much higher. I honestly would have had my heart in my throat every time I made the party long rest when playing good Durge after something like that, just WAITING for something bad to happen. It would make Alfira's death more of an omen than simply just a reveal that there's something seriously wrong with the character you're playing as.
(I'm overall team "there should've been more Urge saving throws/unavoidable bloodshed, but that's just me. You can't deny it feels a bit too easy to be good, though. Right?)
With Astarion's ascension I really did not like how he IMMEDIATELY switches once the ritual is finished. How there are red flags all over from the second he speaks to you for the first time. Magical means or not, people don't work like that. He's too fucking obvious with it to me. From the start you know EXACTLY what you're getting into if you stay with him and I think a more compelling and narratively sound way of going about it would be to not have it be so instantaneous. Astarion did not know what he was getting into when he accepted Cazador's offer, you not knowing either and being convinced that everything he's doing is really out of love not whatever the hell that whole situationship becomes in canon, would really make the circle of abuse theme shine. Have him seem genuine, don't have him press so hard. If his words did not have "I WANT TO OWN YOU" written all over them and his angle was instead not wanting to lose Tav/Durge to their mortality, it would be so much sane to accept the offer, only to have it later become obvious that it was a mistake. And I know that's not the angle the writer was going for, only the "good" ending deserves to tackle heavy themes, ascended ending is for the loveless vampire fetishists, but I still mourn what could have been if they kept with the themes of Astarion's story better, let it play out more instead of the ritual and long rest cutscene being basically the end of it.
#i have a lot on my mind#(and i refuse to stfu about it)#i will honestly never stop being bitter about astarion's story going from something mature and impactful to a wattpad fanfic#that ending straight up gave me whiplash#and knowing the writer's intentions only made it worse#because if its INTENTIONAL why the fuck does it make NO SENSE#also: give me more durge cutscenes and choices that matter please#bg3#baldur's gate 3#astarion ancunin#astarion#bg3 spoilers#baldur's gate 3 spoilers#durge spoilers#the dark urge spoilers#the dark urge
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Here's some dialogues I thought featuring my HPHM OCs and canon characters that I thought:
*Astral's first date with Talbott at Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop*
Astral and Talbott: *awkward af*
Tonks: *whispers* how long are they going to stare the ceiling and the floor?
Charlie: A couple of hours maybe?
Maya: *huffs* I'm getting impatient!
Castor: If Winger makes a move, I'm going to jinx him!
Charlie: That's brutal mate. Let your twin sister be happy.
Tonks: Yeah!
Malachi: Be quiet. They can hear us!
Talbott: Yes, we can hear you clearly.
Astral: *facepalms*
Rowan and Maya during their 2nd year:
Rowan: Out of all people at Hogwarts to fancy, you chose our prefect!?
Maya: But...look at his jaws-
Rowan: Are there any other features of Felix that you like instead of his jaws?
Maya: ... Nothing...
Rowan: ...
Maya during her third year:
Maya: *casually enters the Hospital Wing*
Madam Pomfrey: Miss Avery, this is the 10th time you visited this week. Did you get another injury again from bumping the walls?
Maya: Yep...
And that's how Maya learned she got myopia
Third Year Rowan and Maya conversation at the Great Hall during their free time:
Rowan: *sees Bill and sighs* Look at Bill, Maya. Isn't he so charming?
Maya: Yeah, he's okay to me?
Rowan: I'm not impressed with your answer, Maya.
Maya: What? I'm being honest!
Rowan: Right. Do you ever see someone so attractive that you compliment them other than "okay"? Or do you fancy someone other than our prefect?
Maya: Woah there, Rowan. What type of question is that? And no, I don't have someone that I fancy nor I will not try to date someone. My crush on Felix Rosier is just a childish play. End of discussion.
Rowan: I don't believe you. Everyone falls inlove.
Maya: Not for me. I don't fall in love anymore.
Rowan: *sighs* If so say so.
#aki's hphm dialogues#hphm#harry potter hogwarts mystery#maya bell avery#malachi brett avery#castor sallow#astral sallow#nymphadora tonks#charlie weasley#rowan khanna#i have a lot on my mind#I have a mental block lol
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Man my therapist is gonna have a fun time this week
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Sometimes I just think about Dictatious and think “I feel so bad for him.”
Before Killahead, he was a happy troll. A very smart troll who was known for his books and knowledge. He probably wrote a lot of books. He was a role model for Blinky. He and Blinky are inseparable. And if we’re going to add Ruby, he and Ruby were happy together. He was taking care of Sasha and was his little girl. His mate Ruby just had triplets. They’re family is growing and happy.
Then Killahead happened. I headcanon that Dictatious wanted to stay with Ruby and his kids. But Blinky wanted to fight and worried about his brother he decided to fight by his side.
Now his stuck in the Darklands. It’s a hostel environment. His worried Gunmar will kill him if he doesn’t kiss his ass. His always cold, hungry, and scared. And the worse part of it all? His away from his family. Away from ruby and her warm embrace, kindness and compassion. Away from Blinky, his brother and best friend. And away from Sasha and the triplets. He gets to miss them growing up and achieve milestones.
Then after many centuries of being in troll hell, he has a chance to escape. With the Trollhunter and then Blinky in the Darklands. Yes, almost killing Blinky was terrible. Was Dictatious too desperate to see his mate and kids? Maybe. Was Dictatious not in the right mind? Maybe. But because of his actions he can’t see well
Reuniting with his family is more difficult than he thought. He can’t see Ruby’s beautiful face well. He can’t see his now grown children. And Blinky is angry at him (and rightly so). He feels like a stranger in his children’s lives. He has ptsd. He over eats now. He gets anxious when ruby leaves his side.
His a mess. He just wants his old life back.
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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I feel. Not good.
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Sometimes I feel like the world is full of nothing but negativity but then I remind myself that I have the ability to be kind and nobody can take that away from me. Things aren't always as bad as they seem, but even if they are, I and everyone else have the power to try and be the change they want to see in the world. As long as we are trying I think things will be alright.
#I have a lot on my mind#I just want to be a part of the kindness in the world#positivity#cici rambling
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Birthed and given life, A mistake it was to be able to open my eyes. To hear and think, to live and experience life. I am the second option, one that was brought only made for a retirement plan. An unplanned pregnancy I was only thought of when thinking of retiring. An insurance baby I am. Made only for nursing, made only for caring, But never for living. Oh how terrible the world must be if I suddenly awake from slumber and I am nowhere to be found and take care of you when you finally retire.
#retirement#children#insurance#living#original poem#poems#depression#i have a lot on my mind#my family keeps bringing up their retirement#they want me to take care of them#I want to be free#freedom#expression#sadness#feelings#anxiety
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Seeing that one poll on Tumblr where people think Madoka likes women is highly alarming. I don't think media literacy is the correct term in its formal definition, but it does definitely display a lack of media literacy in its broad definition.
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After slowly chipping away at this for a while, I'm finally done drawing the cast of The Magnus Archives!
#the magnus archives#tma fanart#tma#the magnus archives fanart#this was a great art exercise for improvement. i learnt a lot#will eventually do protocol since i already have a few ideas in mind#jonathan sims#martin blackwood#peter lukas#elias bouchard#melanie king#georgie barker#basira hussain#daisy tonner#tim stoker#sasha james#jane prentiss#gerard keay#gerry keay#gertrude robinson#agnes montague#annabelle cane#michael distortion#helen distortion#nikola orsinov#oliver banks#simon fairchild#jude perry#mike crew#please keep in mind these are only my headcanons and while they may not align with your own that does not warrant any hate
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the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.
sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.
you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.
it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.
but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.
they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.
they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.
barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.
and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.
but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.
they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!
this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.
#this shifts gender so much bc it actually affects everyone#yes it's a gendered phenomenon. i have written a LOT about how different genders experience it. that's for a different post.#writeblr#ps my comments about seeing someone cry -- this is not to shame any person#and on this blog we support workers.#at the same time it's a really hard experience to see someone that looks like you. clearly in agony. and have them forced to keep going.#when you're young it doesn't necessarily look like acting. it looks scary. and that's what this is about - the fact that teens#have likely already been exposed to that definition of things. because the internet exists#and without the context of healthy education. THAT is the image burned into their minds about what it looks like.#it's also just one of those personal nuanced biases -#at 19 i thought it was normal to be in pain. to cry. to not-like-it. that it should be perfunctory.#it was what i had seen.#and it didn't help that my religious upbringing was like . 'yeah that's what you get for premarital. but also for the reference#we do think you should never actually enjoy it lol'#so like the point im making is that ppl get exposed to that stuff without the context of something more tender#and assume .... 'oh. so it's fine i am not enjoying myself'. and i know they do because I DID.#he was my first boyfriend. how was i supposed to know any different#i didn't even have the mental wherewithal to realize im a lesbian . like THAT used to suffering.
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for context: I read the hobbit first over the course of two years when I was like 13, but I'm only now starting to read lotr. having a blast tho!
anyways, reblog if you feel like it 🙌🏻
#lord of the rings#the hobbit#lotr#hobbit#yeah guys idk i just feel like most people read it really young#but jolkein is really wordy and idk how y'all got through that at 8 yo#my attention span could neverrrrrr#obviously not as wordy as like. les mis. but you know what i mean.#lots and lots of context all the time. love that for his worldbuilding not so much for my hold on the plot#and yes i have watched the movies#i didn't completely miss the cultural zeitgeist#yay first time making a poll! if you vote or read my tags this far you are a gem 🫶🏻#edit: i realize i spelled tolkien wrong. i feel like this proves my point#but also i feel like thats something you spell with your heart and not your mind
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Baking vlog 👍
(All jokes aside, I knit these bastards by hand! Etsy link)
#moomin#moominvalley#tove jansson#moomintroll#muumit#knitblr#knitting#knitters of tumblr#my knits#I know I have a lot of new followers from the Mabel sweater#hope y’all don’t mind some moominposting (I will return to Mabel eventually)
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