#i have a few living around my campus and im in a cat club where we take turns to feed the bastards HAHAHAHAH

[theunconcernedembalmer]

Aesop! I was wondering, do you have a favorite animal? If so, what is it? Also! To the mod, I love your art, it's so adorable and amazing!

We have a few cats around the graveyard nearby... I do feed them regularly.

aaaaa thank you so much, you’re adorable too uwu

[mothmansfriend]

when i’m happy oh god i’m happy

TW: alcohol abuse, non-graphic sexual content, unhealthy coping mechanisms, self harm (in many forms), drug use, couchsurfing, mentions of delusions and paranoia, otherwise reckless behaviour

Note: this takes place in @illogicallyinclined’s hockey au and is a Prequel this is supposed to represent what Remus’s manic episodes look like everyone is different, but im using a mix of my own experiences with bipolar i and some friends who were willing to talk about theirs, then changing it to fit Remus’s existing Absolutely Feral personality, Jared and Payton are OC’s and teammates of Remus, the three of them are known for wrecking havoc at all times because none of them possess a braincell.

The art studio was empty, filled only by the assorted music of Remus’s sculpting playlist on the bluetooth speaker he brought in, and Remus himself. His hands glide through the wet clay and he basks in the slimy feeling between his fingers. Remus’s hair is held back by a small headband and he is wearing a tank top and jogging pants already covered in various mediums he has used through the day. He does not know where the energy to finish every project for this semester came from but he isn’t about to object.

If you were to look around this studio, there is a high contrast painting of a tentacle creature that is unsettling in an almost unidentifiable way, half of a self-portrait which uses resin teeth as the main element, as well as his current project of a large cup shaped like a decapitated head. In short, while Remus believes these are his best pieces, the chances of the university permitting them to be displayed are very low.

Remus gets frustrated that the music didn’t seem to be filling his inspiration in the way he hoped he changes the song revealing it to be approximately 4am, and no texts received since he sent D a picture if the teeth pile around 10pm.

—

“Can you go wake Remus up and ask if he wants any breakfast, he really shouldn’t sleep in this late, even if it is Saturday” D asks from the stove while Roman grabs his carton of milk from the fridge and doesn’t bother grabbing a cup.

D grimaces at him as he chugs back the milk, once again thankful that they have separate ones (even if that is at fault of Remus deciding to mix apple juice with milk in the carton without alerting anyone else in the household). “He actually headed out like, real early this morning, I spoke to him when I got up for a shower at like six. He said he’d be back today though?” Roman replied ignoring D’s look.

“Well, that’s even weirder. I’ll make extras so he can eat when he gets back, it's already eleven.”

“Sounds good,” Roman noticing D’s almost done slides a few plates next to him and accepts D’s soft ‘thanks’.

Suddenly they hear someone miss the keyhole three times before getting it and entering. Unsurprisingly, it’s Remus inappropriately dressed for a casual outing, surprisingly he seems to be holding several bags full of merchandise. “Helloo roommates! Look what I bought!” Remus shouts, slamming the door with his foot and bringing his bags to the couch.

“Are those... cups?” D asks turning off the stovetop to curiously check out Remus’s merch load.

“Hell yeah they are! I figured since you-” He pokes at D, “Took away all our glass cups after me and Roman went to that last party, I would take it upon myself to replace them. Look!” Remus proudly pulls the ugliest Jar Jar Binks cup out of one of the bags.

Roman visibly recoils as his brother parades the worst cup he’s ever seen around their apartment. D rolls his eyes but collects the cup and hesitantly places it into the dishwasher. “Thank you, Remus, these cups are horrid but they’re functional, which, I guess is good enough. Though, how much did these cost?”

“No idea, probably around sixty bucks total though, maybe. I went to three different thrift stores. Look at this one!” Remus holds up a vaguely terrifying cup that seems like it may have once resembled Spongebob Squarepants to Roman.

“That’s… Great, Remus, thanks” Roman says taking the offered item.

—

The three make it to practice 20 minutes early because Roman likes to prove he’s dedicated and a good captain. Coach Thomas and Joan greet them and Thomas talks to Roman briefly as Joan finishes setting things up. D and Remus do some stretches as others begin to show up, D comments on Remus being shaky and Remus hops around quickly explaining that he just woke up with a lot of energy for some reason.

Coach Thomas reminds Remus to take his time during practices speeding through everything doesn’t work if he keeps messing up before he even makes it halfway through.

—

D is going to kill Remus tomorrow morning. The repetitive sound of the bedframe slamming against their shared wall, and Remus wailing like a cat in heat at 1am is not something he wants to deal with right now. It’s a Tuesday night and D knows Remus has a class at 11am, one that D will not let him skip because he decided getting laid was more important. How does Remus even get a man to willingly enter that nightmare of a room? D rummages through his bedside table for ear plugs and regrets giving Roman the far room so easily.

—

“Jesus- Hello? Do you know what time it is?” The tired voice answers the phone after the third time of going to voicemail.

“Of course I don’t, Jared, I’m not a fucking nerd! I just thought I might extend my offer of filling the fountain in the middle of campus with bubble bath and a swim to you and Payton! D already said if I woke him up he would cut my dick off and feed it to his snake,” Remus audibly pouted at the end of his sentence.

Despite it being three am, it didn’t take a lot for Jared to wake up Payton and agree to meet him just off campus to run to the 24/7 convenience store for soap for the fountain. Remus leads the group in talking a mile a minute about something that Jared and Payton actually missed out on entirely. They try to contribute but realize Remus doesn’t notice when they have their own conversation anyways. They listen to him vaguely flit through topic after topic and get lost and confused in his own sentences, and once the soap is collected, they head to the large fountain in the middle of campus.

The fifth bottle of soap has been discarded and the fountain is sufficiently bubbly by the time the three hockey players strip to their boxers and begin their bath. There are attempted drownings, bubble beards, and the fountain change being thrown around.

At some point Remus stops talking for a second, observing the lithium bulbs through the fountain streams and bubbles floating across the courtyard. For a moment, he thinks he’s never been this happy in his life, these last few days have been the best days of his life. He lets Jared and Payton know this and like stare at him for a moment before teasing him about going soft and a few “I love you, bro” “Dude, you mean so much to me” and such were exchanged. They leave moments before campus security’s due to do their rounds in the early morning and laugh when about an hour later they receive a campus-wide notification to avoid the courtyard for repairs.

—

Remus spends most of practice being more annoying than usual. He gets a bit more of a stern talking to than he has in a while, in response says that he’ll try to do better to prepare for the game this weekend.

—

He did not succeed and got an even sterner talking to by Coach Thomas and Joan, and then by Roman separately.

—

Remus has a brief moment of clarity regarding his spending habits from the last week and a half in the middle of his current project. His solution is instead of buying the club size container of hot sauce, he makes a trip to the Taco Bell off campus. After dropping off the rest of his goods at the apartment, it was pretty late in the evening and he was dressed in nothing but neon green basketball shorts, slides, and a pretty badly stained grey tank top. Thankfully, Florida weather permitted this, though the looks he had been receiving all day disagreed. It likely did not help that if prompted, Remus wasn’t 100% on the last time that he slept, but if he had to guess it was two or three days ago, but that was probably a maximum of five hours. Surprisingly, he had never felt so good in his life. He’s also pretty sure he’s said that a lot this week.

He leaves Taco Bell with a small meal bag full of hot sauce at no cost.

—

D doesn’t ask any questions when he uses the bathroom in the early morning and is met with the sight of Remus in the bathtub. He is covered in a large variety of substances. The floor is covered in Taco Bell hot sauce wrappers, there’s a box full of water balloons of various colours and sizes. Remus waves with his available hand before he resumes filling the current water balloon with what may be a bulk container of banana lube. D pisses, not bothering to ask Remus to leave and just pulls the shower curtain over a little before washing his hands and deciding to figure it out tomorrow.

The next day, D woke up around 10am to a few texts saying some prick is throwing weird water balloons at first years off this academic building on campus. D didn’t think much about it until he was leaving his 12:30 lecture walking past splatters of mayo, egg, egg shells, hot sauce, and more, all separately. While observing the damage he found Remus asleep on some grass outside said academic building and had to call Logan for help to get him home. The two are used to this by now and D reminds himself to tell Remus to clear his ‘great ideas’ with someone containing a braincell.

—

Remus spends a good majority of his day listening to one song in the living room of the shared apartment. He was there when D left for classes, he was there when Roman left a little later in the day, failing to go to his own classes at all that day. The second D returns for lunch Remus is trying to explain a hidden meaning in the song, D brushes it off and reminds Remus, that to pass his classes he has to at least go.

—

This is Remus’s third night out in an area of town he really doesn’t know. He went home yesterday for early practice before coming back out. He knows it didn’t go well.

In attempts to make himself feel better, he blew a guy who’s name he already forgot but was hot as hell, he lost count of the shots he’s done, but at least there’s no practice tomorrow. He doesn’t have to worry about when he goes home, doesn’t have to worry about Roman or D and their weird concerned looks. He’s doing great! Why are they concerned, they just don’t get it.

At 2 am everyone gets kicked out of the club. Remus walks six blocks with his new friends with the promise of couch space to crash on and additional alcohol.

It’s suddenly 4:47 am and Remus is the only one awake and all the booze is gone. He is sitting under lithium streetlights smoking a cigarette on the porch of a strangers house with the humid Florida wind enables him to sit comfortably without a jacket. There is a moment, with sirens in the distance that Remus lets his eyes go out of focus. For the first time in who knows how long, he feels present. There is cracked cement under his feet, a dog barking a few houses down, and he wonders why he’s even here. The hidden Prince twin, here, in a city he has only been to once for a tournament, in a stranger’s house, drunk off his ass, his phone dead. He takes time to wonder, is this fun to him? It has to be right? Why did he just leave without telling anyone? Spending nights on the streets, or finding someone to go home with just so he didn’t have to find somewhere else to sleep. Is this who he is now?

He doesn’t know if he can answer that. Remus shakes himself before putting out his cigarette on his arm and deciding it doesn’t matter.

He still doesn’t sleep that night, but plugs in his phone and decides he needs to go home soon.

—

This is a different club than the previous night, someone sold Remus a few pills earlier and he figured why not? He feels better than ever. He lets the man he’s making out with know that and he lets out a kind of raspy laugh that Remus thinks is the hottest thing. He lets the other man know that too before sticking his tongue down his throat.

—

Remus is in the park yelling. It is almost 6pm, he pauses for a moment, completely forgetting what he was yelling about. He realizes that he is pretty drunk. Remus would normally like to say he only drinks with an excuse, but he doesn’t remember why he’s drunk, or how he got to the park. This isn’t near campus, he doesn’t recognize this park at all. He just stops yelling and googles the next bus to take him home.

—

Upon arriving home and greeting D, Remus falls asleep in his room for almost 12 hours to make up for the missing sleep from the last four days. When he is woken up for food and offered tylenol for his hangover, he tries to tell them he doesn’t have one. They don’t believe him, but he takes the food. Remus makes a joke recalling how the other day all he had eaten was some stale croutons he found in a pantry and half a bottle of Fireball he found in the fridge nearby. The joke did not land, but he was too busy laughing about it to notice.

The three eat their Sunday lunch with small amounts of banter and D switching between who he agrees with based on who’s statement didn’t sound like it came from a six year old. As they clean up, Remus starts excitedly talking about something that’s topic changed around four times in one sentence. Roman feigns interest but got lost and doesn’t care enough; D listens and has to ask Remus to repeat things slower every few minutes.

—

Several times throughout the night, D hears Remus loudly leave his room to check the front door. In the early morning D doesn’t hear Remus return to his room, but faintly hears netflix turn on in the living room.

In the morning, Remus seems wary of the door but does not say anything.

—

One day while messing around in the kitchen Remus is struck with the need to just go. The urge is so strong that the more he stands still in the kitchen the more his body just begins to tremble with barely contained energy. He doesn’t quite know where he’s going yet, but as he grabs his wallet, double checking he has his bus pass and ID, a jacket, his phone, and his keys. Without telling anyone, he walks to the main exchange near campus where he hops on the first bus that arrives. The bus isn’t particularly busy, and it makes it easier for him as he settles into the back of the bus bopping to his music, but not having the focus to listen to a song all the way through. He hits his hands softly on the very 90’s looking patterned seats to the beat of the song, watching out the windows with both legs bouncing. He rides this bus to the end of the line and catches the next bus to arrive at that bus exchange that takes him into a new smaller city. The sun is beginning to set and he finds a pub to grab some food and a few drinks at.

An hour and a half and four drinks later Remus is fighting some asshole in the pub and they both get kicked out. He wanders these smaller streets buzzed and poking at forming bruises while he smokes a cigarette. He walks by a convenience store and two homeless men outside ask him for a cigarette, he shares and spends a solid amount of time socializing with them and gets some booze for his troubles. They eventually part ways when one of them come out from the bathroom with a pack of stolen cookies. The store attendant chases them away and Remus finds himself wandering down empty streets again. Eventually, Remus decides to sleep for a few hours curled up in a stairwell, he doesn’t quite sleep, but does relax. Again, in the sounds of small city life, yellowed flickering light bulbs, and humid wind, Remus wonders why he’s out here.

—

The flashing neon lights and bass heavy music resonate through Remus’s bones like electricity giving him a never ending feedback loop of energy. Just before the club closes Remus sweet-talks a kind of nerdy looking guy into taking him home, while he’s mostly just hoping to not sleep outside tonight, getting laid wont hurt either.

—

Sneaking out of someone’s house before they wake up isn’t something Remus is necessarily proud of, but he doesn’t want to risk them doing something cheesy like make him breakfast. Sorry sir, Remus is a Manic Pixie Nightmare Boy, do not catch feelings, do not use for your own character development. He laughs to himself a little walking down the morning rush streets.

—

After waking up in bed with a man he doesn’t remember meeting the night before is a little jarring, but this is not the first time. It makes him wonder briefly if something is wrong with him. Remus is tired. Exhausted with himself and getting a little tired of this much fun. Instead of finding a diner for breakfast he catches a bus home and asks Logan if they can hang out tomorrow. If anyone will force him to go home, go to practice, sleep and not give him a choice to study or not without expecting him to explain himself. It will be everyone’s favourite Large Nerd. Remus doesn’t know what’s happening or why he feels like this, but he needs to go home and stop this for a little bit.Virgil, D, and Logan will help him get things a little back on track.

[abthepoet]

All my friends are dead.

Something strange is trending in my life.

All my friends die.

At the beginning of my sophmore year in college, my roommate from freshman year died tragically in a single vehicle car crash. Her name was Allison Lynam. We called her Blake. She was sassy and funny and I wish I would've taken more time to know her.

The rain was torrential the night she died. I swear I've never seen it rain that hard ever again in my life. She drove to the store along Highway 36 in Long Branch,NJ. She had off campus housing that year and had to use the highway often. The road was terribly flooded the night she died. Im told she hydroplaned, spun, and T-boned the driver side smack into an electrical pole. Her family still decorates it.

At that very same moment, in my dorm room nearby, I was watching TV when the lights suddenly flickered and dimmed. A brown out.

I had no idea but that was my friend crashing into a pole and dying. She was 19 years old.

I know this because that accident happened near the mall. That accident killed the power to nearby businesses.

I later found out that the road she died on was so badly flooded, the police intended to close it. Why they didnt get to it in time, I'll never know. Maybe that's fate.

Then there was Jessica Blain. Jessica Blain was a firecracker of a human being. She was 100% unmistakable. One of the loudest, funniest, most loyal people and friends I have ever met. She was also an incredibly gifted singer and I was lucky enough to have Chorus with her. We, along with a small group of friends, founded a new greek organization on our campus, Alpha Xi Delta. We were paired up as Twins. (you can't have Bigs & Littles when you're just starting the Family Tree). We named the family we formed Fuck Up Your Shit. Because that's what we'd do for a friend. I miss her laugh most of all. It was loud and unapologetic. She was there for me, supportive, and encouraging without me ever having to ask. The night I officially finished college we all went out to the local gay club, The Colosseum. I got wasted, of course. But Jess was the person who when I shouted 'I have to pee' on the ride home, she stopped and knocked on strangers doors and asked to let me use their bathrooms. Nobody said yes so she held my hand while I peed on a fence instead. I remember the last time we spoke. She was at a concert with a mutual friend. We hadn't spoken much since I graduated, she was still in school.

She died in her dorm room bed on Halloween as a result of asphyxiation during an epileptic seizure. She was 20 years old. The news was broken to me that very same Halloween night as I floated along in NY on a concert cruise. The World/Inferno Friendship Society decided to host Hallowmas, their annual event, on a boat this year. Nothing like being trapped on a musical boat while you grieve. I had messaged her AIM late that night to say hi. She had an away message up. I may have sent a message to a dead person. I miss her friendship more than I realize sometimes.

That brings us to James Padden. James was a warm, snuggly bear of a guy who always tried to do the right thing and let me steal his hoodies. He insantly became my best friend in a Stepbrothers-esque manner. I met James working overnights at Wawa in Leonardo, NJ. I forget how it started now, but we were standing in front of the deli and I think I tossed him a broom or he already had one. . . I cant remember now.. . . but he just took one look at me with that mischievous little twinkle that I quickly returned and we instantly began sword fighting with our brooms. Like two little boys playing pretend and having a ball. He was sweet and silly and kind. I needed a ride, and he loved to drive. Our first winter as friends, we went out doing donuts in the snow. I barely knew him, but I felt safe. We smoked a ton of weed and had so many adventures trying to procure more. One time, we got so high driving to a Dropkick Murphys concert in NY we kept going in circles, missed almost the entire show save for the last 3-5 numbers, and had a blast. I can barely remember the night, but I remember laughing hard in that car. No one could talk to me like James. We were both insecure being chubby kids and adults, but so charismatic and grandiose that I sometimes thought we were the only two who would put up with listening to each others wild ideas and ridiculous banter. We would smoke joints and take adderall and talk about everything and anything. I miss the safety and closeness I felt with him. We were always 100% platonic, but we could nap together, I could walk into his house and jump on him in bed and wake him up. Then we would cook ourselves a breakfast feast and hit the beach. He taught me to always take the back roads. I gave him advice on the ladies. He taught me about fixing cars. I helped shave his back. He called his new pick up truck, a pick'um up truck. We could wax philosophical all damn day and not get sick of each other.

It wasnt just driving he loved, it was going fast. Like so many young white men, he had tendency to be a little reckless. The universe gave him a pass only so many times.

I'll never forget when he got his motorcycle. It was the last time I saw him. It was a bright green crotch rocket. He loved lime green. I was doing yoga in the living room when I heard this obnoxious engine rev down my street. I asked myself, who the hell is making this noise?! And it was James, grinning from ear to ear with a matching helmet on his shiny new toy.

before he left I said, 'you die on that thing, I'll bring you back to life and kill you." I remember giving him this very long and intentional hug and not knowing why I felt compelled to hang on.

When he left and hopped back on the bike, I felt compelled again and took a video of him riding away from my driveway until he was entirely out of sight.

That's my very last memory of him alive. James Padden died on Thanksgiving five days after his 25th birthday. He went out for a joyride on his bike before dinner, opened up to 100mph around a curve where he couldn't see a car pulling out around the bend in time. They called a medevac, but he died on scene. I loved James dearly and I regret drifting apart after we both left Wawa and I started a new relationship. He had stuff too, but in hindsight it never seems important.

Then there's JB. I will always remember JB for his kindness and generosity. The very first time I finally worked up the nerve to go to a poetry slam, I was alone and terrified. I had no idea what to expect. JB was the very first person to turn around, introduce himself, and welcome me. He made me feel like I belonged. Years later, when I won the title of Grand Slam Champion, he immediately offered to help coach me for national competition. Except, I didn't see the messages and left them unanswered, which I deeply regret. When I started hosting my own open mic a few years after that, JB would be one of the only people to consistently come support the show both as an audience member and participant. It was at a pizza joint and he would sometimes buy me food when I had no money. He wrote beautiful poems about his two young daughters and how much they inspired him. JB always tried to make people laugh but you could tell he carried a sadness. I did not get details, but from what I have gathered he made a choice to end his life. I wish I would have gotten closer to him and appreciated him more as a friend and person. I wonder if he felt no one cared about him and I feel like I should've let him know more.

Which brings us to Crys. Crystopher Anthony Diaz was a Scorpio with a big heart and a big personality. I met him on Myspace back in the day and started Web camming. We became friends and eventually fell into this gray area of friends, together, but not. It wasn't long before I was spending days at his place, killing hours at a time downloading music, making Wawa runs, and smoking weed with his roommate at the time, Syd. You know, the whole reason I worked at Wawa was Crys suggesting it. And Wawa is the reason I met James. Crys was unlike anyone I'd ever met. He was poetic and artistic and loved animals, especially pit bulls. He loved to draw and write and had this very out loud style that favored Earth tones. He taught me about fashion and insisted on getting dressed even if it was 1am and we were just going to Wawa because you never know who you might see. We would buy new clothes at Walmart and have photo shoots. That boy drank his weight in coffee daily. If it's one thing I'll always remember him for, it's the dancing. Dancing was a passion of his and always used to talk about wanting to form a dance crew. Eventually, we ended up living together for four years. My first apartment was with him in this piece of shit duplex rented to us by a slumlord in Keansburg,NJ. My relationship with him was always defined by our Aries/Scorpio dynamic and he never let me forget it. His birthday was October 30th, mischief night. One time, after we had moved into a new place, we decided to get revenge on our old downstairs neighbor by taking a finished lobster carcass and throwing it on his lawn. . . . . . . Keansburg had a terrible stray cat problem. 😁

I have so many memories with Crystopher. Unfortunately, towards the end of our relationship things became too tumultuous. We had too much unresolved baggage and trauma to find a healthy place emotionally together. We were so financially strained for a time we hardly ate. And then when he met his new girlfriend Laura, she introduced him to her good friend, Roxy. As in Roxcicet. aka Blues. Neither of us knew what that even was at the time. But he sure learned quick. He started using them pretty frequently as time went on, and things only got more complicated. My mental health took a nose dive. By the time I moved out our relationship was trash. I basically left. At the time, I didnt have a choice. things had gotten so bad between us, the money, the using . . . we didn't act like friends anymore.

I saw him a couple times at his new place but that was years ago. Since then, he went through a lot, including homelessness and more struggles with addiction to opiates. He reached out to me and sent me a message apologizing for everything a couple years back. I never responded. I was afraid I would let him back into my life and let the all the problems back in. I didnt trust where he was at in his life. We lost touch and stopped speaking.

His ex, who used to live with us and became my friend, messaged me and told me he died a few days ago. He was 35. I'm still waiting for information, but it may have been drug related. I'm not even sure where I'm at with how I feel. I know why we stopped talking. It was the right thing to do at the time. But he didnt deserve to die so young, having spent the last god knows how many months homeless. It's fucking with me so hard because we never resolved anything. I loved this person so fucking much and we never made peace. Of everyone I've lost, he was the closest to me. I've had a lot of people die on me but none that I lived with and shared a life with. I have more memories with him than I can handle and while I know we hadn't spoken in years and why, I still wish I would've said something. Done something. Yes, i needed healthy boundaries but he needed somebody. when is being firm too firm? If we would've helped, could it have been different? But we didn't want to help at the time, you try to be tough and draw a line. Be firm. Not let yourself be taken advantage of. But is that a defense? Did that defensiveness leave a human being who's head i used to scratch until he fell asleep out in the cold to get sicker and die?

What am I supposed to learn from all this Universe? Why do you take my friends so young and so tragically? I'm only 35, I'm too young to have this much loss.

Because these are just the major players I've lost. It doesnt include my cousin Jared, who died being reckless on a motorcycle at 21 two years ago. I was 15 when he was born. I loved that baby, he used to bite my nose. But his family lived far, so I rarely saw him growing up. Last time I saw him was at my grandfather's funeral. He didn't remember me and the nose biting.

And then there's Marcos who we used to chill with. He worked delivery for our favorite chinese food place. He was a nice kid who lived with his grandparents. We would get food, smoke weed, hang out a little. Even used to buy it off him for a while. Eventually he got into the opiates too, he even wound up being good friends with Crys and being Blue buddies. But eventually Marcos died from an opiate overdose. He was in his mid twenties.

I didnt want to include Ricky because he was more of an acquaintance for me, he was more my partners childhood friend. But god damn, in the time I knew Ricky that kid was a riot. He was loud and funny and definitely marched to the beat of his own drum. Drugs took him too.

Thanks for reading all this if you've made it this far. It's taken me about two hours to type this out on my phone. but i needed to. Thanks for coming to my TedTalk

[wannawrite]

Neighbour In Danger

MXM's / Produce 101's Im Youngmin X Reader 

TW: mentions of alcohol, smoking, violence, sexual harassment 

Word count: 1868

• You're walking back down a shady ass lane after school 

• it's hella creepy so something's bound to happen 

• neighbour! Youngmin ( saves the day ) says hi  

• ft. created character Jessica 

⚠️ ATTENTION ⚠️ 

YOUNGMIN HAS DEBUTED WITH DONGHYUN AS MXM ( alpaca and buffalo ) AND I AM LIVING THANK YOU 

thank you for requesting this anon, hope you like it :))) sorry it took SO INCREDIBLY LONG I SHOULD QUIT 

Fun fact: my school actually has night study sessions 

________ 

You groaned, rubbing your temples and slammed your mathematics textbook shut, the sudden thud cut through the graveyard like silence in the library yet every student was too focussed on their material to even flinch at the noise. 

You glanced at the clock. 

10.12 pm. 

You should have started to head back home about an hour ago, as your house was pretty far away from your college but of course, you were too engrossed in your notes and hadn't realised how fast time had flown by. It had been an exhausting Friday at school, the last thing you wanted was to stay any later for night study. 

Your best friend, Jessica, who you had come to the night study session with, barely noticed when you stood up and pushed you chair in. Of course, you could wait for her to wrap up and take a taxi home together but she lived within walking distance... it was late and dangerous for anyone out though. 

"Jess, let's go. It's so late already," you hissed, tapping on her shoulder. 

She nodded, packing up her books and stationery. You bid the sleeping librarian goodbye and ventured out into the night. It was weird to see campus which was usually bustling with life deserted like a ghost town. 

"There's no way we can get a taxi at this hour, school's too inconvenient. We have to walk out and I might as well just walk home," Jess said, half asleep.

"Do you want me to walk you home? Are you okay?" You offered. 

"No, no. Thanks but you stay really far away and I don't want to detour you any further. Walk out. Grab a taxi, go home," Jessica insisted, declining your offer.

She had a point, a good one at that. 

So, you hugged her goodbye and made sure she was safely across the street until you flagged a taxi and began your journey home. It was so dark in that part of town it made you shudder, at least around campus was better lit but this estate is more rundown than the one I live in, you thought. 

I hope my parents have gone to sleep already, waiting for me would be too late.

"Oh my god!" You yelped as the taxi ran over something, after that, something felt amiss. "Uhm..." 

"Sorry miss, I think it's a flat tire. This is how far I can bring you. My apologies, I hope you get home safely," the driver apologised as you paid him for the ride.

"It's okay, accidents happen. Goodnight, be safe," you replied despite the displeasure of walking the remaining journey home. You knew there was a stretch of famous bars before your house, it was pretty freaky at night and you hated to even look at it, much less walk pass. 

Whatever, I'll just ignore them and have the police on speed dial. 

When you stuffed your hand into your pocket, you discovered you had forgotten to bring along your ear pieces. Now you had to just put up with the horrible and loud music playing from the clubs.  

Is today just a series of unfortunate events? 

Slowly but steadily, you stumbled along the street that lead to your house. To your delight, it did get more brightly lit as you ventured closer towards the more developed housing estate but you knew what was coming up soon. Maybe I should have just crashed at Jessica's penthouse...... 

... 

You shivered but not because of the cold gust of wind that blew by. Your ears could already pick up the sound of shitty music in a near region. To make matters worse, it was a Friday night. To clubbers, the night was still young and you knew more people would be arriving to party. 

The stretch approached, it was just across from where you hid, behind a large tree. You hoped you could avoid it. 

Should I call my dad to come and get me?....No! No! He's probably sleeping after working so hard... or he's still in the hospital working. 

You shook your head free of unreasonable ideas and inhaled a deep breath. "Okay, Y/N. You can do this, there's nothing to be afraid of," you told yourself then poked your head round to check. 

Ew, there were people smoking outside. 

Not that you had anything against it or them, you just hated the smell of smoke. Tentatively, you took a small step but quickened your pace as you passed club after club, bar after bar. You tuned out to the wolf whistles, cat calls and shouts, trying to attract your attention. 

"Hey! You! School girl!" ( that kink can fcking die already )

"Someone's got cake!" 

"Join us!" 

You forced yourself to look away and continued walking, jogging almost. 

"Hey! Come back!" 

"Don't ignore us!" 

You could feel the anxiety and fear bubbling inside of you. The second you heard a beer bottle smash on the ground and fast footsteps approaching, you tore off down the road. 

... 

Thud. Thud. Thud. 

You weren't sure if that was the sound of your heart or the sound of footsteps pounding on the pavement. Beads of perspiration trickled down the side of your face but you didn't even stop to wipe it off, all you could concentrate on was making a break from those weird guys. 

But of course, you were beyond dead-tired and your heavy bag and books weighed you down tremendously. There was no way you could outrun them... but you had to try. The ground was bumpy and made it hard for you to get a stable grip, your ankles throbbed from all the exertion. The tears which had welled up in your eyes because of your fear started to drip down your cheeks when you felt your legs buckling in, worn out. 

"Aww, she's crying." One of them said, slime dripping from his words. Another yanked you up by your hair, causing you to scream. "She's a loud one. Let's see how loud she can really be tonight." 

"Don't touch me!" You shouted, kicking but it was useless, they were just too strong for you. Their chortles disgusted you to no end and you wanted it to all end but there was only one ending to situations like these. You felt fury, not fear rise in your chest. You opened your mouth to retaliate but someone cut you off.

"Hey!"

There wasn't time for the first dude to react, he was on the floor, knocked out cold with his nose bleeding profusely in seconds. 

Your eyes shot up to the person who had punched him but it became a blur after that. Managing to wrangle free from the other man's grasp, you escaped to a safer corner while a knight dressed in a black hoodie and black jeans battled with the other two sickos. He seemed to be really young, you got a glimpse of his face. 

Wait, wasn't that Im Youngmin? My new neighbour? He had briefly introduced himself a few weeks ago. 

You couldn't be sure but at least you had a suspect. 

Wow, he's so strong...and handsome. Shut up! This isn't time for you to be thinking about that! 

You blushed at the memory of you watching Youngmin watering his plants shirtless early in the morning as you were doing some morning stretches. 

Y/N, no! 

You gasped when Youngmin didn't notice the other man come up from behind with a glass shard, he was too busy fighting the other one off. 

Instead of yelling 'look out' helplessly, you grabbed your 10cm thick, hard cover with 400 pages of text mathematics textbook and ran forward. There was an advantage from a back attack, using all your might, you brought the book down on the man's head, before he could spin round, you hit him again with the book and he collapsed on the ground, writhing in both shock and pain. 

Hmm, I suppose math textbooks are now important. 

Youngmin managed to subdue the other guy, he didn't take a second glance but grabbed your arm and together, raced down the street. 

...

"Wow, Miss Y/N. I didn't know you were such a badass," he finally broke the silence. 

Playing along, you scoffed, "That's my neighbourhood you moved into, kid. You don't know anything." But despite your brave exterior, you were still badly shaken from the incident, your clammy palms was a dead giveaway. 

"Hey, you okay?" Youngmin asked in a soft, comforting tone. He even stopped in front to look you in the eye. Cautiously, as if not to spook you, he placed his hands on your shoulders to steady you. 

Your breath caught at the sudden close proximity but Youngmin didn't seem affected by it so you tried to control yourself. "I-i'm fine...thanks." 

"You sure? That was... a really rough incident you had," he asked again. 

You nodded, unable to manage uttering words, at least intelligibly. 

"Why were you out so late?" 

"I could ask the same for you." 

"Ahh, there she is. The infamous little chilli padi I hear about from my neighbours. Well, Donghyun wanted to watch a movie but we realised we had like zero snacks so he sent me out on a convenience store run," he revealed without hesitation. 

Donghyun? Another other attractive boy?

But you couldn't lie and say that you weren't more attracted to Youngmin, especially after he had saved you. "College night study session," you answered, looking down at your feet as you continued walking. 

"Ahh! It must be finals season. Well, all the best, study hard." 

"T-thank you," you whispered, face reddening. 

"Aww! You're so cute!" Youngmin complimented, his eyes twinkling brightly. 

You were grateful you arrived at your gate, unable to tolerate anymore of the handsome boy who had rescued you. "Uhm, thanks...really...f-for w-what happened just now," you stammered out, ashamed. 

Youngmin adopted a more sincere tone and posture. "Hey, don't worry about it. Please take care of yourself, okay? Don't be too shaken by it, I know it's scary and traumatic but I'm right across the street. I'll come when you call me. Please do. Okay?" 

Giggling, you agreed, at least it helped you banish whatever had just happened from your mind for now. "How about I come over tomorrow?" You boldly suggested. 

Youngmin clapped. "Wow. A pretty girl wants to come over to my house. How can I say no?" He smiled at you. "Sure, I can introduce you to Donghyun. I think he'll love you....Well, goodnight Y/N....Oh! Let’s go to the police station tomorrow, I’m not going to let those bastards off.” He waved goodbye and blew a kiss. 

You pretended to catch it, "Goodnight, don't dream of me too much." 

You knew Youngmin was watching to make sure you entered your house safely. Tonight had been wild, it was scary and something you would never forget. At least Youngmin was there to help. You settled onto your bed, sighing, cheeks blushing bright pink. You could see from your window that Youngmin was opening the gate to his own house, he had got home safely too. 

That made you feel more assured that your new crush friend was safe.

[themeltedheadaches]

ALL THE ASKS DO IT unless ur too busy #collegelife love u ❤❤❤❤

LOVE U BOO never too busy for u (also using this to procrastinate on my french composition so)

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

i eat my cereal………………….dry…………..

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

YES that’s literally my life now. i love it but also my nose was running today all the way to get coffee in downtown. i was in THREE LAYERS it is not even DECEMBER

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

answered! :)

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

if i’m going to be a bitch and just get plain coffee, i’m gonna get it black bc otherwise i’ll just have a white mocha or a cappuccino or something (the ppl at the campus coffeeshop know who i am. they know my order. “one sin-ful latte coming up!” thank u for fueling my Addition.) i take my tea with milk and sugar if it’s black tea ((earl gray)) or with honey if it’s green tea. if it’s white tea i’ll sometimes have it with sugar, and if it’s something like peppermint or lavender or chamomile i’ll just have it plain. IM A PICKY BITCH

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?

i used to be! but now i like it. 

6: do you keep plants?

YES pls pray for them

7: do you name your plants?

answered! :)

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

poetry! i like to watercolor too, actually, though i left them at home :(

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?

YES i miss my car bc that’s when i would have Prime Time to sing and hum to myself or along to whatever song i live for at the moment. (i’m into a musical rn and i can’t yell the lyrics out i’m so ANnoyed Always)

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

answered!

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?

i have fucking countless at home……. at college there are quite a few too! as in: “hypothetically, vodka?,” “fuckinG,,,WHAT,” “[blow twice] [slurp sound] [tongue click] noice.,” “SHPEAKERSH OHN!,” “over there! like, over there? over there. over there?,” “just going to go kick some nutria,” and of course, the classic, “same, but jewish.” 

12: what’s your favorite planet?

URANUS actually tho it’s uranus. i had to do my planet project on it in the 4th grade and i gave my brother AND mother silent treatment for two days bc they laughed at its name. i’m very protective

13: what’s something that made you smile today?

i saw my favorite puppy on campus again today!! he’s grown so much!! also my poetry professor’s wife had a successful surgery! #GoMeredith 

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

SO MESSY………………….listen. @michelle i’ve seen ur room, and i would just accept that that is how we live now and it’s fine. it would also be aesthetic as fuck tho tbh. full of yarn and animal fur. and books. and junk food #RIFP

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

if saturn’s rings were a meter long, they would be 10000 times thinner than a razorblade! what the fuckkkkkkkkkkk

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish?

UHHHHH fucking;;;;;;;;what how am i supposed to #represent my italian fmaily with this DISGUSTING question,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, jk i fuckig love risotto, just ur basic bitch peas and cheese risotto and i’ll cry. also?? gnocchi!! holy shiiiiiiiit. 

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

my hair has such good color i’d actually rather shave it all off than dye it :/

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

HHHHHHHH yesterday. LITERALLY yesterday. there was a french club meeting that served cheese and bread! so i took my Good Friend WIliam (who is not in french, unlike me), and we walk into the room, and i say “helLO!” bc that’s good manners, when you’re going to just get food and leave, and it’s dead silent. i get food and leave. william has told everyone in our entire hall twice.

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?

answered!

20: what’s your favorite eye color?

i’m so biased……….but……..brown………..

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

my brown leather one! it’s actually super fake leather and i got it from target!! but it’s cute and small and somehow fits everything i need to put in it, including 3 beers and my wallet and 2 phones last weekend. i’ve had for 4 years now 

22: are you a morning person?

yes! i like waking up early actually 

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?

go on youtube and waste time, or walk around campus/downtown with friends, or shop!

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

yes

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?

my cousin’s RV

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

my brown leather boots! wow there’s a trend here lmao. actually i’ve had two pairs of these bc my first was falling apart?? i used them first in a cosplay……in the 7th grade………..(i was matt from death note and to this day i’m STILL not fucking ashamed, i had the wig and goggles and everything.) i love them and wear them all the time, they’re so comfy and warm and stylish and i feel like a hacker badass everytime i wear them. still to this day.

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?

bubblegum gives me hives i do Not enjoy it :(

28: sunrise or sunset?

sunset!

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?

one of my friends down the hall will call things/ppl “cute as pie” completely genuinely!! i love her!!

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

oh yeah

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.

i fucking love them thanks end of story. wearing them makes me feel cozy and put together and also atm my dorm floor is Disgusting. i sleep with them when it’s cold and my feet are dry! i have so many fun socks it’s great. i love them. socks are highly underrated.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

my friend and i were driving around evERYWHRE basically, we went from pasadena/san marino to like. hollywood all the way to beverly hills and back and it was wonderful, we stopped 3 times to chase stray cats, take shitty pictures, go to iHop, and almost died several times bc hE SNAPS AND DRIVES at NIGHT on LA FREEWAYS

33: what’s your fave pastry?

croissants, followed by scones, followed by coffeecake 

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

bunny the stuffed bunny! she’s pretty large, like as long as my torso! she’s white fabric with colored fluffy bits and very floppy, loose ears. she has green button eyes that i had my grandma sew on bc otherwise she actually scared me a bit when i was a kid, but i loved her anyway bc my great-grandmother sewed her for me in the first place. bunny still lives on my bed at home! 

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?

YES! i ddon’t use them very often though bc i feel like i should save them for something. rip me

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?

stromae hands down

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?

clean….i’m so lazy tho

38: tell us about your pet peeves!

sudden loud noises, being startled, being touched physically when i don’t expect it, someone making assumptions about me, being dismissed, being told what i want or what i’m going to do, borrowing something of mine w/o telling me, being interrupted 

39: what color do you wear the most?

HONESTLY black bc i’m an emo bitch

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?

one i’ve been wearing a lot is the fork ring i got from the portland saturday market! it’s literally the tines of a vintage fork separated from the part you hold, sanded down so it’s round, and looped into a ring shape. i fidget with it a lot and it reminds me of my mom and step-dad, bc i got it when i was with them. i wear it mostly everyday tbh

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?

new american best friend by olivia gatwood in general, or thick as thieves by megan whalen turner when i re-read it out loud to my mom on the ride up to college

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

yeeeeeeS i have several! the bistro, which is on campus: it’s so comfortable, it has couches everywhere and board games and so many books and zines and the walls are half chalkboard so there’s always art or snark everywhere. the music is super eclectic (it was lorde yesterday, today when i went in it was old-school 90s rap), plus it’s student run so the coffee and pastries and food are SO GOOD. the archive, which is downtown, is really boujee as fuck but it’s SO COOL. it’s so fucking aesthetic, with brown leather stools and uncomfortable booths and vintage books and stuff everywhere. for half the day, it’s a coffeeshop, and after 7, it becomes a bar. then back home, of course, coffee bean and tea leaf is the classic

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

half my hall when we went star tripping at the start of the year!

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

honestly the last time it was genuine was probably around…….january? i was in so much emotional pain and grief, but i was surrounded by family who loved me and were in that same pain and were so happy i was with them to help and be there with them. i wasn’t serene per say, or at peace, but there was this equilibrium….

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?

yes!

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

my RA told me this one this morning: did you hear about the explosion in the cheese factory in france this morning? de-brie everywhere! 

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

tomatoes 

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

spiders, YES

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

i do…………………….. it was the soundtrack to romeo et juliette (2010)

50: what’s an odd thing you collect?

everything; stickers, pressed flowers, rocks, receipts 

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?

the easiest one is when i think of my roommate, davey the dog’s barking cover of “do the hustle”

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

ew

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?

no, yes, no, no, it was okay

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

ME, BITCH

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?

chugged an an entire pitcher of water to prove i could, three times

56: what are some things you find endearing in people?

genuineness! vulnerability! eye contact! fidgeting!

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

made me feel PUMPED, and of course i did

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

i am both

59: what’s your favorite myth?

uHHHHHHHHHH i love the myth of beowulf actually bc i had to do a project on it once, i have a soft spot for it, i love all myths tho wtf

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

YES,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, recently some of my favorites are the entirety of a montage of a dream deferred by langston hughes, “totem sonnets” by sherman alexie, “on earth we’re briefly gorgeous” by ocean vuong, “one art” by elizabeth bishop

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?

stupid gifts are nonexistent :/

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

noooo

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

yes lmao…….i kinda leave them be but i don’t like it if i let someone borrow them and they trash them uGH

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

Pitch Black

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with?

YES

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?

morning glories, lavender, baby’s breath!

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

very good, thankfully, bc i am in oregon

68: what’s winter like where you live?

in LA, it’s cold and sweet and late and breathless and i adore it

69: what are your favorite board games?

jenga, clue, ??

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

NONONONONO

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea?

peppermint for mornings, earl gray for evenings!

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?

yes, sadly

73: what are some of your worst habits?

biting the skin around my fingers, bouncing my knees incessantly, procrastinating on my french compositions……

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

well there’s this amazing person who i met in freshman year german…….;)

75: tell us about your pets!

i WISH

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?

yes :(

77: pink or yellow lemonade?

pink of course

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

i am the true hateclub: i don’t react. do not give them power. they Feed off of your Hatred

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

get me flowers, surprise me with chocolate, come up to me and compliment me on my writing, etc!!

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

at home my walls are a soft orangey-peach, which is picked bc i love it. here, my walls are very very white, which i did not pick, but am neutral towards.

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

circuit-board chips busted open

82: are/were you good in school?

ehhhhhhh

83: what’s some of your favorite album art?

MELODRAMA

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

yes! a minimalistic double-delight rose for my great-grandmother, “love ya!” in my grandpa’s handwriting, maybe a nutshell with a crown over it (for the “king of infinite space” bit in hamllet), possibly “soyez réaliste, demandez l’impossible!” (be realistic, demand the impossible!) from the french student revolution in the 60s

85: do you read comics? what are your faves?

somewhat, def hawkeye or the young avengers bc i’m basic :/

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

the only one i’ve rlly ever listened to is fucking danger days, so i worship them obviously

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

i think ppl should make their own agendas :/ however, i have deeply loved secondhand lions, up, moonlight, the grand budapest hotel, and other basic bitch things

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

impressionism!! aaaaaaa!!! also just shove me in front of abstract art and i’ll fall for it!!! 

89: are you close to your parents?

so so so so close to my mom and step-dad, on okay terms with my dad

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.

listen to me. I LOVE SEATTLE. art! fish market! weird side streets! mean street art! bitchy coffee!! neon everywhere!! a big fuckin needle in the sky!

91: where do you plan on traveling this year?

ITALY THIS SUMMER IM SO EXCITED i’m gonna meet all my mom’s friends from her semester abroad that she’s kept, i’m gonna see what she saw when she was my age, i’m gonna see where my dad’s family is from maybe if we go south???, i’m gonna see all the places and things she used to tell me about to get me to dream big and want to see the world and experience what’s out there!! aaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

depends on the pasta

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?

down bc i’m fucking lazy and also inept when it comes to doing things with hair

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

my friend across the hall from me, who is now 19 years of bitchiness!

95: what are your plans for this weekend?

stay in, study, maybe go to a kickback tho

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

lol i put them off until my computer ceases to function altogether 

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

zodiac obviously

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

fucking…….summer?? i did!

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

“feelings” by hayley kiyoko, “vacation town” by the front bottoms, “february” by beach bunny, “hard feelings/loveless” by lorde, “moon river” by henri mancini, “let me in” by flor, “a million miles away” by the plimsoles, “girls like me” by bonnie hayes, “love my way” by the psychedelic furs, the entire legend of zelda soundtrack, “place, je passe” from the mozart l’opera rock soundtrack, etc etc

[delightfully-daisy]

CHARACTER SHEET: DAISY AUDREY ELOISE CANARD

And she's been living on the highest shelf... Oh, and they come unstuck Lady, running down to the riptide Taken away to the dark side

[TW: sexual assault mentions; eating disorder mentions]

STATS

Birthday: 14 January 1995

Hogwarts House (Primary): Ravenclaw

Hogwarts House (Secondary): Hufflepuff

Myers-Briggs: ESFJ

Enneagram: Type 3

Height:  5’4

BACKGROUND OVERVIEW

Mother: Lilian Ophelia Marie Harcourt Canard

Father: Jacques Didier Canard

Mother’s Occupation: lawyer—business law

Father’s Occupation: stockbrocker

Family Finances: quite wealthy—combination of old money on both ends, as well as parents’ own ambitions and finances

Birth Order: middle child

Siblings: Nicolas Etienne Jeannot Canard (24); Andre Leon Charles Canard (19)

Other Close Family: Aunt Cecile on her dad’s side (who has a girlfriend and is like super cool and a movie producer); she has another aunt on that side who has two kids her and Nic’s ages but I don’t have my notebook on hand so I cant look up their names oh well; Lilian is an only child

Best Friend: Clarke

Other Friends: Annette Grant, Hermes Petros, Toulouse Bonfamille, Stanley Schell, Abby and Tabitha

Enemies: Tito? Lol she thinks so :C

Pets: a cat named Sabrina! Her family also has two dogs named Gigi and Fifi

Home Life During Childhood: her parents were both very busy, but she and her siblings were very close and her dad made a huge insistence on family time when they were together; to this day they have a designated week in late July and winter where they go on vacations together; she’s very close with Nic and her dad; Andre can be a bit of a brat; she clashed with her mother a bit growing up but she’s starting to understand her more

Town or City Name(s): Paris, France

What Did Her Bedroom Look Like: very nice and spacious, big windows with a nice view, she has a canopy bed, everything is in pastel colors, lots of whites and pinks—nothing too loud, everything soft like a Rococo painting, a big walk-in closet, a nicely lit vanity, the artwork in there is carefully selected, everything has its place

Any Sports or Clubs: did newspaper also probably a creative writing club; used to fence and do ballet, but quite around 13/14 years old

Favorite Toy or Game: loved paper dolls

Schooling: one last semester at Pride U; probably did some pretty expensive private school in Paris

Favorite Subject: Composition, Art History

Popular or Loner: Popular!

Important Experiences or Events: was sexually assaulted at 17, her then-boyfriend lied about it and harassed her for months after

Health Problems: undiagnosed anxiety, lowkey makes herself throw up after eating sometimes also

Culture: French

Religion and beliefs: Raised Catholic, she wants to believe in a benevolent God but does not really like the Catholic church; she wants to believe in the goodness of people

 PERSONALITY

Bad Habits:  worries, limits her food intake a lot haha, has a tendency to keep her emotions inside before lashing out, cries a lot

Good Habits: uh, organized, keeps up with her fitness, ambitious, kind-hearted (in her own way), stylish

Best Characteristic: determined—once she sets her mind on something or someone, she will not quit

Worst Characteristic: scared—her number one limitation in life is that she is too scared to take chances/take risks/do anything without security

Worst Memory: the whole sexual assault thing and also the night she broke up with Tito

Best Memory: oh gosh, probably getting her bike back

Proud of: not much lol, uh maybe her fashion sense, she’s like really insecure though and attributes all her successes to other factors, poor bby

Embarrassed by: e v e r y t h I ng have you seen how much this girl blushes

Driving Style: she’s a fantastic driver—fast, daring, drives stick-shift in heels, cuts tight corners on her motorcycle, she’s fab, best driver of my characters (except maybe for Eva, but that’s cuz Eva has heightened reflexes lol); does have a tendency to speed, but doesn’t do it except on isolated roads

Strong Points: determined, hard working, kind-hearted, stylish

Temperament: gosh im not sure its like a mix of sanguine and melancholic

Attitude: outwardly, confident and determined; inwardly, really fuckin’ anxious and insecure about everything

Weakness: she’s so insecure and not good with criticism and she’s soft little flower it is easy to crush her

Fears: everything—not being good enough is the main one though

Phobias: see above lol

Secrets: not too open about the whole sexual assault thing for obvious reasons, also he like harassed her for months afterwards

Regrets: every romantic relationship she’s ever had because it makes her seem stupid and heartless and foolish

Feels Vulnerable When: uh always? When she’s being emotional, tbh, since she’s been told to restrict that

Pet Peeves: people who assume she’s dumb, people who assume she’s shallow

Conflicts: oh gosh where to begin—the fact that she wants the world to be this good, ideal place where she has the ability to help it, but the reality that class differences/prejudices in other areas are very real and very hard to overcome; her own desire to do more with her life, but knowing that rejecting her family’s values would not be good, and she really loves her family; navigating being a soft woman in a world that otherwise respects hard, sharp ones

Motivation: She wants to be successful and to make a change in the world.

Short Term Goals and Hopes: Graduate, get a good job somewhere in a big city.

Long Term Goals and Hopes: Rise to the top of her career, hopefully get married at one point.

Sexuality: bisexual

Exercise Routine: goes to spin class three times a week, does a barre class twice a week, weight training the other days, very committed exercise schedule

Day or Night Person — Day.

Introvert or Extrovert — Extrovert.

Optimist or Pessimist — Pessimist, though she tries to be optimistic to other people.

LIKES AND STYLES

Music: girly pop, MUSICALS—she’s a huge musical gal, sings in the shower all the time. Loves taylor swift, knows that its problematic to love taylor swift, but does so in that well #feminism way that’s also lowkey problematic ahaha. Her iTunes is mostly musicals and pop and some classical music too, she likes ballet music.

Books: classics and romance novels; also some trashy YA romance; went through a John Green phase in her high school years; her favourite book is The Bell Jar. She also reads those like “Oprah Book of the Month” club books and enjoys them. Gets most of her reading list from bestsellers lists.

Magazines: VOGUE aka the Bible; also Cosmo and Marie Claire and other high-fashion magazines; whatever the French equivalent of Time is, but also Time; started a subscription to the New Yorker whilst she was in NYC and keeps up with it

Foods: has a sweet tooth—loves chocolate. Chocolate-covered strawberries are her favorite. She thinks she can handle spicy, but she can’t really.

Drinks: Margaritas are her cocktail of choice; she loves champagne and lattes

Animals: cats! Also she loves swans and thinks its so romantic that they mate for life, but she won’t admit that lol

Sports: follows Formula One racing tbh and also fencing

Social Issues: Feminism! (she’s like lowkey a bit of a white feminist) Magick Rights! (lowkey also a bit of a problematic activist in everything; she’s trying though) Also involved in environmental issues!! (she works on a turtle fund thing with Stan)

Favorite Saying: “I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.” – Audrey Hepburn

Color: Pink!! Any and all shades! Also likes a nice rose-gold. Fond of pastel colors in decorating.

Clothing: Has a very classy, preppy style; lots of skirts and blazers; usually always in heels; most everything is designer and high-end; she takes pride in her style; she also dresses more on the conservative end, but does own a few sexier pieces

Jewelry: very classy, never overdoes herself with jewelry; simple pendants and studs

Games: played the Sims a lot, played racing games with her brothers, Mario Kart fan too

Websites: Instagram—also has a finsta bc she’s hip; tumblr; Pinterest

TV Shows: Downton Abbey, Sex and the City

Movies: The Devil Wears Prada!! (Also Titanic)

Greatest Want: To be successful and make a difference in the world

Greatest Need: To overcome her fears

CURRENTLY 

Home: lives in Castle Suites in a very luxurious one-bedroom flat

Household furnishings: everything is impeccably decorated, lots of pastels and golds, there’s a big window in the living room (which has like white furniture and soft lights everywhere, big white rug on the floor, lots of throw pillows), her room has a big bed with lots of pillows and her closet is organized by type of clothes and colour

Favorite Possession: her car

Most Cherished Possession: her motorcycle

Married Before: Nope.

Significant Other Before: Tito (rip); asshole French boyfriend, Michel

Children: n/a

Relationship with Family:  huge Daddy’s girl, but Daddy is also very busy and not super around all the time and she doesn’t really confide in him; very close to older brother, Nic, sometimes they feel like they are the only people in the world they can trust; younger brother has a strained relationship bc he can be kinda douche but they love each other; relationship with mother is---complicated, they are very similar and often butt heads because of their differences though and Lilian thinks she knows what’s best etc etc and Daisy is just starting to see her mom in a new light

Car: BMW, she also has a motorcycle

Career: journalism student, editor-in-chief of campus magazine: Social

Dream Career: editor in chief of a fashion magazine that also has like a huge philanthropy side

Dream Life: said career, has not given much thought to the like actual life part of it, but ideally she’d like to be married to the love of her life and have two kids as well

Love Life: uh imma get back to you on that

Hobbies : reading, dancing (she loves dancing), driving, sketching fashions, cleaning (lol), amateur baker, used to be a fencer, writing (she used to write short stories but has not in a while)

Guilty Pleasure : those trashy Harlequin romance novels….

Sports or Clubs: Social, PrideU’s premier campus lifestyle magazine; probably involved in like journalism clubs

Talents or Skills : she’s a great dancer and a fantastic driver; also a good writer

Intelligence Level : she is great auditory learner, very sharp and quick to pick up what she listens too; writes the best out of my characters; reads a lot too; not great at sciences or math, but she tries her best and the hard work pays off; a fan of history, but only as it relates to cultural stuff (wars bore her); the most emotionally aware of others of my characters, can read people well

Finances: wealthy—parents are wealthy each from their individual families and from their own careers, pay for their children

[adambstingus]

24 People Share The Grossest, Most Unsettling Thing They Ever Experienced While Hooking Up

1.Sixty Two Stitches

Girl beneath me, rolls me over onto my back – in the process we roll off the bed and we land on the floor, me on the bottom and her still straddling me. Her leg went straight through a big glass of water. Blood everywhere. She had lacerated her leg straight to the bone in a clean cut: I could see her muscle. Within ten minutes of our initial playing around there were 6 firemen and 3 policemen in the room (she was mental and shouted down the phone that I had a gun so they would come sooner). I was high and drunk and so her roomie took control. Paralysed by shock and weed, I had to hide while they took her in the ambulance as she was THAT crazy that I was expecting her to call rape.

She required 62 stitches, 40 on the muscle covering her shin.

This is the singular most traumatic experience of my life.

2. Bless You

He pulled it out to come on my face, I was unprepared and snorted his semen up my nose. We started making out and I sneezed his semen onto his own face.

Probably grosser for him than for me, but not by much.

3. Love Conquers All

My story probably doesn’t compare to any of these but here goes:

I had recently found a new girlfriend. A cute, blonde girl with lots of curves in all the right places. We had been together for a little while (this was back when I was a Jr. in college and she was a freshman) when we went to this huge party. We both ended up getting totally trashed and wound up back at my place. Needless to say I was waaay to drunk to get any bidnass done that night. The next morning we woke up and started to get it on. For some reason, Im always really randy after a night of heavy drinking. Anyway…midway through the sex, we are doing it doggy style with her on all 4 at the edge of the bed and me standing behind her on the floor. I am hammering away like a rabid jackrabbit when, all of a sudden, i get that sour food, extra saliva feeling in my mouth. I knew what was coming but it was too late. As the puke surged up my esophagus, I clenched my hands over my mouth in a death grip, but to no avail. I spun around and tried to aim for my waste bin….but it was no use. I ended up projectile vomiting in about a ¾ circle. I managed to go from her right side, across that wall, across the wall behind me (and the bookcase that was there), all over the waste bin, and i over spun and went passed the waste bin and got it on my floor and the bed on her left side. Luckily, only some puke flak got on her back….

She’s a great girl though, that was 3 years ago and we are still together…

4.Legit Upsetting

Three words.

Anal sex. Pinworms.

It’s fucking nasty to pull your dick out and see a dozen or so worms writhing around on the condom.

5.Butt Stuff Isn’t For The Timid

So, the boy and I like some backdoor fun from time to time. We talk about it more than we do it because it’s tiresome to get ready and clean up after… usually worth it though ;). One Saturday afternoon, the boy is performing some world class cuminonumbulus when I feel a pressure at my nether orifice. I soon realised he was using some beads on me. We had some filthy and very very satisfying sex, then I went to the bathroom to clean up without removing the beads.

I’m so glad I did that.

I sat on the toilet to get the beads out.

I’m so glad I did that.

Those beads were solidly embedded in a great big turd.

I just stared at it dumbly for a moment before the smell hit me.

6. Definitely Karma At Work

I accidentally shit once while fucking a girl.

I was pretty drunk and had to fart.

I had the runs, and well. You know… I pooped. It was especially runny, it felt weird landing on the back of my thighs. It really sucked, but I kept on at it for a few more minutes.. Then I felt the bubble guts. I was torn. I was drunk, so I was debating if I wanted to just shit and keep going or get up and run away. Some how those were my only two options.

My body had a third option.

I decided to get up and just leave but I didn’t want get my pants all covered in shit.

So I did a quick wipe with the boxers, threw my jeans on.. and pretty much just walked out.

I was really upset at myself for how I handled it.

I started to walk home and I fell down and shit myself.

I think it could have been karma.

7.Busted

We were messing around in the car waiting for the class to start where I had to write my midterm exam. So to relieve some pressure I suggested a quick one. She agreed. We were in the school parking lot and right when I finished and was about to pull the condom (my gf was in the front seat already) our prof parks right next to us. I was terrified to say the least.

He said/gestured if I was coming to class and soI rolled my window down with my hand on my crotch and said yes. He said, “Do you mind helping me with these papers?” with the best poker face ever! I had no other choice but to say yes. So I pulled my pants up and walked with him with the cum filled condom still on my penis.

I was in the class for one hour and 45 mins and had to write the test with the condom on my dick. Every time I moved I died a little inside.

8.Banjo String

I split my ‘banjo string’ if you know what I mean. Blood EVERYWHERE.

9. “Deaf Girl Down”

I went to college at a school with a large deaf population, so there a couple thousand deaf kids running around campus at any given time. First big party night of the fall, and everyone is getting shitfaced. Two of my roommates and I had returned to the apt for a quick smoke session.

So in barges our other roommate with a girl of clearly questionable virtue, and immediately they run upstairs to his bedroom without another word. Our roommate was a lanky ginger with a scruffy red beard and mustache… we used to call him brother Hezekiah.

So about 5-10 minutes go by, and all of a sudden this girl comes bounding down the stairs half dressed at best and runs out the door. Our roommate closely follows jumps down the last stair to the landing, and starts yelling “deaf girl down! deaf girl down!”.

We start laughing hysterically and as I’m about to ask him wtf happened, i notice the blood running down his redbearded chin to his neck and chest. It was truly a vulgar site…at that point I literally fell to the floor laughing.

Long story short, she was deaf and couldn’t seem to communicate to him not to go down on her because she was on her period. She fled the scene in mortified embarrassment.

My roommate, despite our advice to the contrary, splashed some water on his face and went back out to party.

10. Cheesy

Going down on a guy can be like being locked in the trunk of a car with old cheese. WASH YOUR BALLS! And it wouldn’t hurt to trim a lil. The grossest sexual encounter I’ve had was a guy who sweat so profusely it was dripping on me, then he flipped his sweaty ass around into my face to attempt what I can only assume was a 69 position but was more like being force fed a butt sandwich and I could see the sweat glistening on his ass/ball hair, that, and the cheese smell coming from his balls made my eyes water and I threw him off me and ran to the shower. 30 minutes of soap and hot water and I still didn’t feel clean.

11. Drank A Drugged Drink Intended For A Girl

I once got drugged, no shit.

Went to a swingers club with my chick at the time, was hanging out and having a great time. At some point I figure I must have picked up the wrong champagne glass that was meant for this hot ukranian girl next to me.

About an hour later we were going in the taxi back to our apt with another girl my gf had met there at the club when I was violently sick and started to black out, in the front of the cab. Barely made it home, then collapsed for about 15 hours. Aparently my gf and the chick had to pay the taxi guy like 100 bucks and it was a big mess. Of course my 3some was off, thanks asshole.

I totally didn’t think that ‘date rape drug in your drink’ urban legend was true until that night.

12. The Most Horrible Of Horror Stories

So this one time I’m having sex with my girlfriend right, and it was all good and sexy so we finish up and everything seems cool.

Then about 9 months later a fucking little comes out of her pussy! I mean just like pops out and I saw that shit with my own eyes!

The little fucker is still living with us.

13. What A Trooper

A girl I had been dating for awhile climbed on me for 69. As she scooted back, I saw something white, realized too late that it was a clump of toilet paper, and got it in my mouth. Pretty nasty, but I spit it out and kept going.

14. Cats Hate You

Last summer my husband and I were living with roommates who had a cat. We were drinking and started getting hot and heavy, he stripped down and jumped on the bed, said something about it being wet and jumped back up. One of us had left our bedroom door cracked and the cat had gotten stuck in the room, and pooped all over our bed. Worse is that apparently this cat was sick with worms. My poor husband was covered in kitty diarrhea, blood and worms.

15. The Mystery Throat Infection

I went down on my girlfriend when neither of us had realized she had a yeast infection. I knew something was off, but kept going anyway. Two days later I had a sore throat and when I looked at it in the mirror it was all white and nasty. Then, she went to the doctor, got her diagnosis, and when she told me about it I put 2 and 2 together and realized that I had a yeast infection in my throat. Ugh. It went away pretty quickly on its own though.

16. She Needed Help…

Having sex with my wife, and then noticing that something didn’t feel quite right, she still had a tampon in from 4 days prior…and i had to help pull it out….

17. Roommate Walked In And Immediately Regretted It

Freshman year of college, I met this guy and brought him back to my dorm (I’m also a guy). He seemed nice and everything, and he was cute, and we started to fuck around. Eventually he decided he wanted to bottom (i.e. get fucked), and so we started having intercourse…

I started to smell the distinct smell of fecal matter very soon. I thought “whatever, I guess you should expect a little smell when having anal sex.” I continued, and the smell continued to get worse.

Eventually, we finish, and I pull out – only to see a of shit spew out of his ass. It was everywhere. I mean, fucking everywhere. It was explosive diarrhea-type shit, on my bed, on me, on the wall even.

… and then my roomate walked in.

I found out later that the dude had a severe bowel problem of some kind, and really shouldn’t have bottomed. My ex-roomate is still a friend of mine, and I still have to assure him that that’s not what gay sex generally looks like.

18. The Most Polite Lady Ever

I have to steal a friend’s story here, so here’s to you Nate!

So Nate was in South Carolina for the summer, and he went out for a night of drinking. He met an older lady (Nate was 21, she was in her 40’s) and apparently hit it off. They left together, but since Nate was staying with his aunt and uncle, and she was married, they didn’t have a proper place to go have a fuck. They decide to just pull over and have at it right there in some random field.

So, Nate get’s off, they get back in the car, he drops her off, and he goes home to get some rest. He went to the bathroom to piss out some of the beer he drank that night and looked down at his dick. It was GREEN. So, naturally, he freaks out and calls the girl up immediately (apparently they had exchanged numbers).

She answers and he immediately demands to know what the fuck is up with his dick being all green. To which the random older woman replies:

I guess it isn’t that gross, but I thought it was worth noting.

19. This Is A Girl That Fears Nothing

I was going down on this guy that I had just started seeing. He is uncircumcised so I pull the skin down around the tip and see *shudder… cottage cheese. I just could not go on but being the resourceful girl that I am, I stood up, walked over to the sink, ran some warm water on a wash cloth, came back, playfully cleaned him up and went back at it.

20.Seems An Overreation

First year of university. I’m escorted back to my domicile by a young gallant. Once we get in, I’m naked, admiring his rather lovely body and ignoring his rather stilted pillow talk. All was going well… until my period started.

That pretty much killed the mood, and I can understand. But I thought it was a bit disproportionate when he got his phone out and CALLED HIS MUM FOR A RIDE HOME. Especially since he was STILL NAKED AND ERECT. I watched this punk rock dude, naked but for mohawk and piercings, stiffy gently bouncing, politely tell his mother where he was and that yes, he’d submitted his coursework.

That was a bit wrong.

21. Like Drinking From A Latex Cup

In Beijing, I hooked up with this woman I met at a bar. Right after we finished going at it, She asks me, in Chinese, if she can drink my water. I couldn’t understand what she meant. I didn’t have a bottle of water or anything. It turns out the word for ‘water’ actually means ‘liquid’ in general. She point towards the used condom I was still holding, took it from my hand, tipped it up, and drank it down–sucking the condom inside out to get every last drop. I died a little on the inside.

It was the most disgusting thing I’d ever seen. What made it worse was when I tried to share my gross story with a co-worker. Instead of sharing my revulsion, he asked for her phone number.

I’m sure condoms taste nasty. I don’t know why she couldn’t have just told me ahead of time. I would have been perfectly happy to pull out, remove the condom, and finish in her mouth without having to use the condom as a nasty, latex cup.

22. Class Act All The Way

I did hook up with a girl once who’s “pubic area” smelled of death itself, but what can you say about a 22 yr old girl (who’s man is in jail) that you pick up in a Jewish cemetery at 2 am, get head from 5 min later and then try and fuck in a ditch behind her house… We went back to her house, I passed out, and woke up to realise I was sleeping on a dog turd on her bed room floor. I was amazed it was the ONLY turd I slept on. I was classy people at 16.

23. With Friends Like These…

It wasn’t gross for me personally:

My buddy and I met these 2 chicks. Way leads on to way and we’re in the hotel room, all four of us. It’s very “dear penthouse” in there – switching back and forth and such – and then we go for the epic DP. I’m pretty fucked up, but draw backdoor duty. My buddy’s got a girl on his face (straddling his shoulders) and one on his hips. I feel myself getting ready, so I pull out, walk around and… uh… come on my buddy’s face because I thought it would be hilarious.

The fallout – I’m laughing maniacally, and both girls end up laughing. My friend is pissed off, but finishes, but then punches me in the face, several times. I was laughing the whole time, but had a pretty nasty black eye.

The fallout, part the second: a few days later at lunch another friend asked how I got the black eye. My buddy just slammed his lunch tray down on the table and stormed off as I start laughing uncontrollably again.

24. Man Endures The Unendurable…Gets Blamed For It

This is the sad case of Carrie “fisher”. I met this lovely Canadian girl at a dive bar in Sydney and in my drunken suave state managed to procure her phone number. SO I called and 6 days later on the Friday I went over to her flat for dinner. I ended up talking to her gay flatmate most of the time, mostly about planes and didn’t really hit it off with the Canadian named Carrie.

Finally everyone went to bed and Carrie and I were left alone to talk in the kitchen. The kitchen talk led to kitchen kissing and before you know it I had found out that she was not wearing any panties. But through my Holmes like deductive skills I knew that something wasn’t quite right and so I sheepishly asked her: “Do you have something inside?” to which I received an unprovoked: “No, I’ve just got a shallow pussy”. My prudishness set in. And let me say I am one of those conservative looking inwardly extreme people. Suffice it to say I kept on and again was met with “resistance”. I plucked up the courage to say: “No , I really think you have something in there” and with deft and nimble fingers, proceeded to slide out and uncork a hard, 7 day old, mucous encrusted tampon.

“The Silver Slug Incident” as Carrie’s house would later call it as though it was all a big joke and not remotely gross. It flopped to the floor with a “flop” and it was kind of like Alladin’s lamp, except that the genie was the worst smell. Kind of like when you walk pass a plot of land and turn to your friend and say: “wow, smells like something is dead in there”. It was the stench of something so putrid and rotten and it went deep inside me. After seeing smelling it she immediately stated: “Oh, my god I am sooo embarrassed.” I, of course, was embarrassed for her and nervously asked if she wanted a bath. “What do you mean?” Not knowing what to say I said with a question: “with me?” Cut to having a bath Cut from bath to spending the night and actually having sex with her because I was to wimpy to say: “That’s gross and I am outta here!”

Cut to the next week in the dvd store that I worked at. She comes in and rents Spiderman. We talk in that “I’m not acknowledging what happened” way. Her flatmate-a girl comes in and also gets Spiderman and with a tiny dvd store full of customers yells out as she leaves: “Oh and by the way…you gave Carrie a yeast infection!”

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/24-people-share-the-grossest-most-unsettling-thing-they-ever-experienced-while-hooking-up/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/169088351967

[samanthasroberts]

24 People Share The Grossest, Most Unsettling Thing They Ever Experienced While Hooking Up

1.Sixty Two Stitches

Girl beneath me, rolls me over onto my back – in the process we roll off the bed and we land on the floor, me on the bottom and her still straddling me. Her leg went straight through a big glass of water. Blood everywhere. She had lacerated her leg straight to the bone in a clean cut: I could see her muscle. Within ten minutes of our initial playing around there were 6 firemen and 3 policemen in the room (she was mental and shouted down the phone that I had a gun so they would come sooner). I was high and drunk and so her roomie took control. Paralysed by shock and weed, I had to hide while they took her in the ambulance as she was THAT crazy that I was expecting her to call rape.

She required 62 stitches, 40 on the muscle covering her shin.

This is the singular most traumatic experience of my life.

2. Bless You

He pulled it out to come on my face, I was unprepared and snorted his semen up my nose. We started making out and I sneezed his semen onto his own face.

Probably grosser for him than for me, but not by much.

3. Love Conquers All

My story probably doesn’t compare to any of these but here goes:

I had recently found a new girlfriend. A cute, blonde girl with lots of curves in all the right places. We had been together for a little while (this was back when I was a Jr. in college and she was a freshman) when we went to this huge party. We both ended up getting totally trashed and wound up back at my place. Needless to say I was waaay to drunk to get any bidnass done that night. The next morning we woke up and started to get it on. For some reason, Im always really randy after a night of heavy drinking. Anyway…midway through the sex, we are doing it doggy style with her on all 4 at the edge of the bed and me standing behind her on the floor. I am hammering away like a rabid jackrabbit when, all of a sudden, i get that sour food, extra saliva feeling in my mouth. I knew what was coming but it was too late. As the puke surged up my esophagus, I clenched my hands over my mouth in a death grip, but to no avail. I spun around and tried to aim for my waste bin….but it was no use. I ended up projectile vomiting in about a 3/4 circle. I managed to go from her right side, across that wall, across the wall behind me (and the bookcase that was there), all over the waste bin, and i over spun and went passed the waste bin and got it on my floor and the bed on her left side. Luckily, only some puke flak got on her back….

She’s a great girl though, that was 3 years ago and we are still together…

4.Legit Upsetting

Three words.

Anal sex. Pinworms.

It’s fucking nasty to pull your dick out and see a dozen or so worms writhing around on the condom.

5.Butt Stuff Isn’t For The Timid

So, the boy and I like some backdoor fun from time to time. We talk about it more than we do it because it’s tiresome to get ready and clean up after… usually worth it though ;). One Saturday afternoon, the boy is performing some world class cuminonumbulus when I feel a pressure at my nether orifice. I soon realised he was using some beads on me. We had some filthy and very very satisfying sex, then I went to the bathroom to clean up without removing the beads.

I’m so glad I did that.

I sat on the toilet to get the beads out.

I’m so glad I did that.

Those beads were solidly embedded in a great big turd.

I just stared at it dumbly for a moment before the smell hit me.

6. Definitely Karma At Work

I accidentally shit once while fucking a girl.

I was pretty drunk and had to fart.

I had the runs, and well. You know… I pooped. It was especially runny, it felt weird landing on the back of my thighs. It really sucked, but I kept on at it for a few more minutes.. Then I felt the bubble guts. I was torn. I was drunk, so I was debating if I wanted to just shit and keep going or get up and run away. Some how those were my only two options.

My body had a third option.

I decided to get up and just leave but I didn’t want get my pants all covered in shit.

So I did a quick wipe with the boxers, threw my jeans on.. and pretty much just walked out.

I was really upset at myself for how I handled it.

I started to walk home and I fell down and shit myself.

I think it could have been karma.

7.Busted

We were messing around in the car waiting for the class to start where I had to write my midterm exam. So to relieve some pressure I suggested a quick one. She agreed. We were in the school parking lot and right when I finished and was about to pull the condom (my gf was in the front seat already) our prof parks right next to us. I was terrified to say the least.

He said/gestured if I was coming to class and soI rolled my window down with my hand on my crotch and said yes. He said, “Do you mind helping me with these papers?” with the best poker face ever! I had no other choice but to say yes. So I pulled my pants up and walked with him with the cum filled condom still on my penis.

I was in the class for one hour and 45 mins and had to write the test with the condom on my dick. Every time I moved I died a little inside.

8.Banjo String

I split my ‘banjo string’ if you know what I mean. Blood EVERYWHERE.

9. “Deaf Girl Down”

I went to college at a school with a large deaf population, so there a couple thousand deaf kids running around campus at any given time. First big party night of the fall, and everyone is getting shitfaced. Two of my roommates and I had returned to the apt for a quick smoke session.

So in barges our other roommate with a girl of clearly questionable virtue, and immediately they run upstairs to his bedroom without another word. Our roommate was a lanky ginger with a scruffy red beard and mustache… we used to call him brother Hezekiah.

So about 5-10 minutes go by, and all of a sudden this girl comes bounding down the stairs half dressed at best and runs out the door. Our roommate closely follows jumps down the last stair to the landing, and starts yelling “deaf girl down! deaf girl down!”.

We start laughing hysterically and as I’m about to ask him wtf happened, i notice the blood running down his redbearded chin to his neck and chest. It was truly a vulgar site…at that point I literally fell to the floor laughing.

Long story short, she was deaf and couldn’t seem to communicate to him not to go down on her because she was on her period. She fled the scene in mortified embarrassment.

My roommate, despite our advice to the contrary, splashed some water on his face and went back out to party.

10. Cheesy

Going down on a guy can be like being locked in the trunk of a car with old cheese. WASH YOUR BALLS! And it wouldn’t hurt to trim a lil. The grossest sexual encounter I’ve had was a guy who sweat so profusely it was dripping on me, then he flipped his sweaty ass around into my face to attempt what I can only assume was a 69 position but was more like being force fed a butt sandwich and I could see the sweat glistening on his ass/ball hair, that, and the cheese smell coming from his balls made my eyes water and I threw him off me and ran to the shower. 30 minutes of soap and hot water and I still didn’t feel clean.

11. Drank A Drugged Drink Intended For A Girl

I once got drugged, no shit.

Went to a swingers club with my chick at the time, was hanging out and having a great time. At some point I figure I must have picked up the wrong champagne glass that was meant for this hot ukranian girl next to me.

About an hour later we were going in the taxi back to our apt with another girl my gf had met there at the club when I was violently sick and started to black out, in the front of the cab. Barely made it home, then collapsed for about 15 hours. Aparently my gf and the chick had to pay the taxi guy like 100 bucks and it was a big mess. Of course my 3some was off, thanks asshole.

I totally didn’t think that ‘date rape drug in your drink’ urban legend was true until that night.

12. The Most Horrible Of Horror Stories

So this one time I’m having sex with my girlfriend right, and it was all good and sexy so we finish up and everything seems cool.

Then about 9 months later a fucking little comes out of her pussy! I mean just like pops out and I saw that shit with my own eyes!

The little fucker is still living with us.

13. What A Trooper

A girl I had been dating for awhile climbed on me for 69. As she scooted back, I saw something white, realized too late that it was a clump of toilet paper, and got it in my mouth. Pretty nasty, but I spit it out and kept going.

14. Cats Hate You

Last summer my husband and I were living with roommates who had a cat. We were drinking and started getting hot and heavy, he stripped down and jumped on the bed, said something about it being wet and jumped back up. One of us had left our bedroom door cracked and the cat had gotten stuck in the room, and pooped all over our bed. Worse is that apparently this cat was sick with worms. My poor husband was covered in kitty diarrhea, blood and worms.

15. The Mystery Throat Infection

I went down on my girlfriend when neither of us had realized she had a yeast infection. I knew something was off, but kept going anyway. Two days later I had a sore throat and when I looked at it in the mirror it was all white and nasty. Then, she went to the doctor, got her diagnosis, and when she told me about it I put 2 and 2 together and realized that I had a yeast infection in my throat. Ugh. It went away pretty quickly on its own though.

16. She Needed Help…

Having sex with my wife, and then noticing that something didn’t feel quite right, she still had a tampon in from 4 days prior…and i had to help pull it out….

17. Roommate Walked In And Immediately Regretted It

Freshman year of college, I met this guy and brought him back to my dorm (I’m also a guy). He seemed nice and everything, and he was cute, and we started to fuck around. Eventually he decided he wanted to bottom (i.e. get fucked), and so we started having intercourse…

I started to smell the distinct smell of fecal matter very soon. I thought “whatever, I guess you should expect a little smell when having anal sex.” I continued, and the smell continued to get worse.

Eventually, we finish, and I pull out – only to see a of shit spew out of his ass. It was everywhere. I mean, fucking everywhere. It was explosive diarrhea-type shit, on my bed, on me, on the wall even.

… and then my roomate walked in.

I found out later that the dude had a severe bowel problem of some kind, and really shouldn’t have bottomed. My ex-roomate is still a friend of mine, and I still have to assure him that that’s not what gay sex generally looks like.

18. The Most Polite Lady Ever

I have to steal a friend’s story here, so here’s to you Nate!

So Nate was in South Carolina for the summer, and he went out for a night of drinking. He met an older lady (Nate was 21, she was in her 40’s) and apparently hit it off. They left together, but since Nate was staying with his aunt and uncle, and she was married, they didn’t have a proper place to go have a fuck. They decide to just pull over and have at it right there in some random field.

So, Nate get’s off, they get back in the car, he drops her off, and he goes home to get some rest. He went to the bathroom to piss out some of the beer he drank that night and looked down at his dick. It was GREEN. So, naturally, he freaks out and calls the girl up immediately (apparently they had exchanged numbers).

She answers and he immediately demands to know what the fuck is up with his dick being all green. To which the random older woman replies:

I guess it isn’t that gross, but I thought it was worth noting.

19. This Is A Girl That Fears Nothing

I was going down on this guy that I had just started seeing. He is uncircumcised so I pull the skin down around the tip and see *shudder… cottage cheese. I just could not go on but being the resourceful girl that I am, I stood up, walked over to the sink, ran some warm water on a wash cloth, came back, playfully cleaned him up and went back at it.

20.Seems An Overreation

First year of university. I’m escorted back to my domicile by a young gallant. Once we get in, I’m naked, admiring his rather lovely body and ignoring his rather stilted pillow talk. All was going well… until my period started.

That pretty much killed the mood, and I can understand. But I thought it was a bit disproportionate when he got his phone out and CALLED HIS MUM FOR A RIDE HOME. Especially since he was STILL NAKED AND ERECT. I watched this punk rock dude, naked but for mohawk and piercings, stiffy gently bouncing, politely tell his mother where he was and that yes, he’d submitted his coursework.

That was a bit wrong.

21. Like Drinking From A Latex Cup

In Beijing, I hooked up with this woman I met at a bar. Right after we finished going at it, She asks me, in Chinese, if she can drink my water. I couldn’t understand what she meant. I didn’t have a bottle of water or anything. It turns out the word for ‘water’ actually means ‘liquid’ in general. She point towards the used condom I was still holding, took it from my hand, tipped it up, and drank it down–sucking the condom inside out to get every last drop. I died a little on the inside.

It was the most disgusting thing I’d ever seen. What made it worse was when I tried to share my gross story with a co-worker. Instead of sharing my revulsion, he asked for her phone number.

I’m sure condoms taste nasty. I don’t know why she couldn’t have just told me ahead of time. I would have been perfectly happy to pull out, remove the condom, and finish in her mouth without having to use the condom as a nasty, latex cup.

22. Class Act All The Way

I did hook up with a girl once who’s “pubic area” smelled of death itself, but what can you say about a 22 yr old girl (who’s man is in jail) that you pick up in a Jewish cemetery at 2 am, get head from 5 min later and then try and fuck in a ditch behind her house… We went back to her house, I passed out, and woke up to realise I was sleeping on a dog turd on her bed room floor. I was amazed it was the ONLY turd I slept on. I was classy people at 16.

23. With Friends Like These…

It wasn’t gross for me personally:

My buddy and I met these 2 chicks. Way leads on to way and we’re in the hotel room, all four of us. It’s very “dear penthouse” in there – switching back and forth and such – and then we go for the epic DP. I’m pretty fucked up, but draw backdoor duty. My buddy’s got a girl on his face (straddling his shoulders) and one on his hips. I feel myself getting ready, so I pull out, walk around and… uh… come on my buddy’s face because I thought it would be hilarious.

The fallout – I’m laughing maniacally, and both girls end up laughing. My friend is pissed off, but finishes, but then punches me in the face, several times. I was laughing the whole time, but had a pretty nasty black eye.

The fallout, part the second: a few days later at lunch another friend asked how I got the black eye. My buddy just slammed his lunch tray down on the table and stormed off as I start laughing uncontrollably again.

24. Man Endures The Unendurable…Gets Blamed For It

This is the sad case of Carrie “fisher”. I met this lovely Canadian girl at a dive bar in Sydney and in my drunken suave state managed to procure her phone number. SO I called and 6 days later on the Friday I went over to her flat for dinner. I ended up talking to her gay flatmate most of the time, mostly about planes and didn’t really hit it off with the Canadian named Carrie.

Finally everyone went to bed and Carrie and I were left alone to talk in the kitchen. The kitchen talk led to kitchen kissing and before you know it I had found out that she was not wearing any panties. But through my Holmes like deductive skills I knew that something wasn’t quite right and so I sheepishly asked her: “Do you have something inside?” to which I received an unprovoked: “No, I’ve just got a shallow pussy”. My prudishness set in. And let me say I am one of those conservative looking inwardly extreme people. Suffice it to say I kept on and again was met with “resistance”. I plucked up the courage to say: “No , I really think you have something in there” and with deft and nimble fingers, proceeded to slide out and uncork a hard, 7 day old, mucous encrusted tampon.

“The Silver Slug Incident” as Carrie’s house would later call it as though it was all a big joke and not remotely gross. It flopped to the floor with a “flop” and it was kind of like Alladin’s lamp, except that the genie was the worst smell. Kind of like when you walk pass a plot of land and turn to your friend and say: “wow, smells like something is dead in there”. It was the stench of something so putrid and rotten and it went deep inside me. After seeing smelling it she immediately stated: “Oh, my god I am sooo embarrassed.” I, of course, was embarrassed for her and nervously asked if she wanted a bath. “What do you mean?” Not knowing what to say I said with a question: “with me?” Cut to having a bath Cut from bath to spending the night and actually having sex with her because I was to wimpy to say: “That’s gross and I am outta here!”

Cut to the next week in the dvd store that I worked at. She comes in and rents Spiderman. We talk in that “I’m not acknowledging what happened” way. Her flatmate-a girl comes in and also gets Spiderman and with a tiny dvd store full of customers yells out as she leaves: “Oh and by the way…you gave Carrie a yeast infection!”

Source: http://allofbeer.com/24-people-share-the-grossest-most-unsettling-thing-they-ever-experienced-while-hooking-up/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/12/29/24-people-share-the-grossest-most-unsettling-thing-they-ever-experienced-while-hooking-up/

[allofbeercom]

24 People Share The Grossest, Most Unsettling Thing They Ever Experienced While Hooking Up

1.Sixty Two Stitches

Girl beneath me, rolls me over onto my back – in the process we roll off the bed and we land on the floor, me on the bottom and her still straddling me. Her leg went straight through a big glass of water. Blood everywhere. She had lacerated her leg straight to the bone in a clean cut: I could see her muscle. Within ten minutes of our initial playing around there were 6 firemen and 3 policemen in the room (she was mental and shouted down the phone that I had a gun so they would come sooner). I was high and drunk and so her roomie took control. Paralysed by shock and weed, I had to hide while they took her in the ambulance as she was THAT crazy that I was expecting her to call rape.

She required 62 stitches, 40 on the muscle covering her shin.

This is the singular most traumatic experience of my life.

2. Bless You

He pulled it out to come on my face, I was unprepared and snorted his semen up my nose. We started making out and I sneezed his semen onto his own face.

Probably grosser for him than for me, but not by much.

3. Love Conquers All

My story probably doesn’t compare to any of these but here goes:

I had recently found a new girlfriend. A cute, blonde girl with lots of curves in all the right places. We had been together for a little while (this was back when I was a Jr. in college and she was a freshman) when we went to this huge party. We both ended up getting totally trashed and wound up back at my place. Needless to say I was waaay to drunk to get any bidnass done that night. The next morning we woke up and started to get it on. For some reason, Im always really randy after a night of heavy drinking. Anyway…midway through the sex, we are doing it doggy style with her on all 4 at the edge of the bed and me standing behind her on the floor. I am hammering away like a rabid jackrabbit when, all of a sudden, i get that sour food, extra saliva feeling in my mouth. I knew what was coming but it was too late. As the puke surged up my esophagus, I clenched my hands over my mouth in a death grip, but to no avail. I spun around and tried to aim for my waste bin….but it was no use. I ended up projectile vomiting in about a 3/4 circle. I managed to go from her right side, across that wall, across the wall behind me (and the bookcase that was there), all over the waste bin, and i over spun and went passed the waste bin and got it on my floor and the bed on her left side. Luckily, only some puke flak got on her back….

She’s a great girl though, that was 3 years ago and we are still together…

4.Legit Upsetting

Three words.

Anal sex. Pinworms.

It’s fucking nasty to pull your dick out and see a dozen or so worms writhing around on the condom.

5.Butt Stuff Isn’t For The Timid

So, the boy and I like some backdoor fun from time to time. We talk about it more than we do it because it’s tiresome to get ready and clean up after… usually worth it though ;). One Saturday afternoon, the boy is performing some world class cuminonumbulus when I feel a pressure at my nether orifice. I soon realised he was using some beads on me. We had some filthy and very very satisfying sex, then I went to the bathroom to clean up without removing the beads.

I’m so glad I did that.

I sat on the toilet to get the beads out.

I’m so glad I did that.

Those beads were solidly embedded in a great big turd.

I just stared at it dumbly for a moment before the smell hit me.

6. Definitely Karma At Work

I accidentally shit once while fucking a girl.

I was pretty drunk and had to fart.

I had the runs, and well. You know… I pooped. It was especially runny, it felt weird landing on the back of my thighs. It really sucked, but I kept on at it for a few more minutes.. Then I felt the bubble guts. I was torn. I was drunk, so I was debating if I wanted to just shit and keep going or get up and run away. Some how those were my only two options.

My body had a third option.

I decided to get up and just leave but I didn’t want get my pants all covered in shit.

So I did a quick wipe with the boxers, threw my jeans on.. and pretty much just walked out.

I was really upset at myself for how I handled it.

I started to walk home and I fell down and shit myself.

I think it could have been karma.

7.Busted

We were messing around in the car waiting for the class to start where I had to write my midterm exam. So to relieve some pressure I suggested a quick one. She agreed. We were in the school parking lot and right when I finished and was about to pull the condom (my gf was in the front seat already) our prof parks right next to us. I was terrified to say the least.

He said/gestured if I was coming to class and soI rolled my window down with my hand on my crotch and said yes. He said, “Do you mind helping me with these papers?” with the best poker face ever! I had no other choice but to say yes. So I pulled my pants up and walked with him with the cum filled condom still on my penis.

I was in the class for one hour and 45 mins and had to write the test with the condom on my dick. Every time I moved I died a little inside.

8.Banjo String

I split my ‘banjo string’ if you know what I mean. Blood EVERYWHERE.

9. “Deaf Girl Down”

I went to college at a school with a large deaf population, so there a couple thousand deaf kids running around campus at any given time. First big party night of the fall, and everyone is getting shitfaced. Two of my roommates and I had returned to the apt for a quick smoke session.

So in barges our other roommate with a girl of clearly questionable virtue, and immediately they run upstairs to his bedroom without another word. Our roommate was a lanky ginger with a scruffy red beard and mustache… we used to call him brother Hezekiah.

So about 5-10 minutes go by, and all of a sudden this girl comes bounding down the stairs half dressed at best and runs out the door. Our roommate closely follows jumps down the last stair to the landing, and starts yelling “deaf girl down! deaf girl down!”.

We start laughing hysterically and as I’m about to ask him wtf happened, i notice the blood running down his redbearded chin to his neck and chest. It was truly a vulgar site…at that point I literally fell to the floor laughing.

Long story short, she was deaf and couldn’t seem to communicate to him not to go down on her because she was on her period. She fled the scene in mortified embarrassment.

My roommate, despite our advice to the contrary, splashed some water on his face and went back out to party.

10. Cheesy

Going down on a guy can be like being locked in the trunk of a car with old cheese. WASH YOUR BALLS! And it wouldn’t hurt to trim a lil. The grossest sexual encounter I’ve had was a guy who sweat so profusely it was dripping on me, then he flipped his sweaty ass around into my face to attempt what I can only assume was a 69 position but was more like being force fed a butt sandwich and I could see the sweat glistening on his ass/ball hair, that, and the cheese smell coming from his balls made my eyes water and I threw him off me and ran to the shower. 30 minutes of soap and hot water and I still didn’t feel clean.

11. Drank A Drugged Drink Intended For A Girl

I once got drugged, no shit.

Went to a swingers club with my chick at the time, was hanging out and having a great time. At some point I figure I must have picked up the wrong champagne glass that was meant for this hot ukranian girl next to me.

About an hour later we were going in the taxi back to our apt with another girl my gf had met there at the club when I was violently sick and started to black out, in the front of the cab. Barely made it home, then collapsed for about 15 hours. Aparently my gf and the chick had to pay the taxi guy like 100 bucks and it was a big mess. Of course my 3some was off, thanks asshole.

I totally didn’t think that ‘date rape drug in your drink’ urban legend was true until that night.

12. The Most Horrible Of Horror Stories

So this one time I’m having sex with my girlfriend right, and it was all good and sexy so we finish up and everything seems cool.

Then about 9 months later a fucking little comes out of her pussy! I mean just like pops out and I saw that shit with my own eyes!

The little fucker is still living with us.

13. What A Trooper

A girl I had been dating for awhile climbed on me for 69. As she scooted back, I saw something white, realized too late that it was a clump of toilet paper, and got it in my mouth. Pretty nasty, but I spit it out and kept going.

14. Cats Hate You

Last summer my husband and I were living with roommates who had a cat. We were drinking and started getting hot and heavy, he stripped down and jumped on the bed, said something about it being wet and jumped back up. One of us had left our bedroom door cracked and the cat had gotten stuck in the room, and pooped all over our bed. Worse is that apparently this cat was sick with worms. My poor husband was covered in kitty diarrhea, blood and worms.

15. The Mystery Throat Infection

I went down on my girlfriend when neither of us had realized she had a yeast infection. I knew something was off, but kept going anyway. Two days later I had a sore throat and when I looked at it in the mirror it was all white and nasty. Then, she went to the doctor, got her diagnosis, and when she told me about it I put 2 and 2 together and realized that I had a yeast infection in my throat. Ugh. It went away pretty quickly on its own though.

16. She Needed Help…

Having sex with my wife, and then noticing that something didn’t feel quite right, she still had a tampon in from 4 days prior…and i had to help pull it out….

17. Roommate Walked In And Immediately Regretted It

Freshman year of college, I met this guy and brought him back to my dorm (I’m also a guy). He seemed nice and everything, and he was cute, and we started to fuck around. Eventually he decided he wanted to bottom (i.e. get fucked), and so we started having intercourse…

I started to smell the distinct smell of fecal matter very soon. I thought “whatever, I guess you should expect a little smell when having anal sex.” I continued, and the smell continued to get worse.

Eventually, we finish, and I pull out – only to see a of shit spew out of his ass. It was everywhere. I mean, fucking everywhere. It was explosive diarrhea-type shit, on my bed, on me, on the wall even.

… and then my roomate walked in.

I found out later that the dude had a severe bowel problem of some kind, and really shouldn’t have bottomed. My ex-roomate is still a friend of mine, and I still have to assure him that that’s not what gay sex generally looks like.

18. The Most Polite Lady Ever

I have to steal a friend’s story here, so here’s to you Nate!

So Nate was in South Carolina for the summer, and he went out for a night of drinking. He met an older lady (Nate was 21, she was in her 40’s) and apparently hit it off. They left together, but since Nate was staying with his aunt and uncle, and she was married, they didn’t have a proper place to go have a fuck. They decide to just pull over and have at it right there in some random field.

So, Nate get’s off, they get back in the car, he drops her off, and he goes home to get some rest. He went to the bathroom to piss out some of the beer he drank that night and looked down at his dick. It was GREEN. So, naturally, he freaks out and calls the girl up immediately (apparently they had exchanged numbers).

She answers and he immediately demands to know what the fuck is up with his dick being all green. To which the random older woman replies:

I guess it isn’t that gross, but I thought it was worth noting.

19. This Is A Girl That Fears Nothing

I was going down on this guy that I had just started seeing. He is uncircumcised so I pull the skin down around the tip and see *shudder… cottage cheese. I just could not go on but being the resourceful girl that I am, I stood up, walked over to the sink, ran some warm water on a wash cloth, came back, playfully cleaned him up and went back at it.

20.Seems An Overreation

First year of university. I’m escorted back to my domicile by a young gallant. Once we get in, I’m naked, admiring his rather lovely body and ignoring his rather stilted pillow talk. All was going well… until my period started.

That pretty much killed the mood, and I can understand. But I thought it was a bit disproportionate when he got his phone out and CALLED HIS MUM FOR A RIDE HOME. Especially since he was STILL NAKED AND ERECT. I watched this punk rock dude, naked but for mohawk and piercings, stiffy gently bouncing, politely tell his mother where he was and that yes, he’d submitted his coursework.

That was a bit wrong.

21. Like Drinking From A Latex Cup

In Beijing, I hooked up with this woman I met at a bar. Right after we finished going at it, She asks me, in Chinese, if she can drink my water. I couldn’t understand what she meant. I didn’t have a bottle of water or anything. It turns out the word for ‘water’ actually means ‘liquid’ in general. She point towards the used condom I was still holding, took it from my hand, tipped it up, and drank it down–sucking the condom inside out to get every last drop. I died a little on the inside.

It was the most disgusting thing I’d ever seen. What made it worse was when I tried to share my gross story with a co-worker. Instead of sharing my revulsion, he asked for her phone number.

I’m sure condoms taste nasty. I don’t know why she couldn’t have just told me ahead of time. I would have been perfectly happy to pull out, remove the condom, and finish in her mouth without having to use the condom as a nasty, latex cup.

22. Class Act All The Way

I did hook up with a girl once who’s “pubic area” smelled of death itself, but what can you say about a 22 yr old girl (who’s man is in jail) that you pick up in a Jewish cemetery at 2 am, get head from 5 min later and then try and fuck in a ditch behind her house… We went back to her house, I passed out, and woke up to realise I was sleeping on a dog turd on her bed room floor. I was amazed it was the ONLY turd I slept on. I was classy people at 16.

23. With Friends Like These…

It wasn’t gross for me personally:

My buddy and I met these 2 chicks. Way leads on to way and we’re in the hotel room, all four of us. It’s very “dear penthouse” in there – switching back and forth and such – and then we go for the epic DP. I’m pretty fucked up, but draw backdoor duty. My buddy’s got a girl on his face (straddling his shoulders) and one on his hips. I feel myself getting ready, so I pull out, walk around and… uh… come on my buddy’s face because I thought it would be hilarious.

The fallout – I’m laughing maniacally, and both girls end up laughing. My friend is pissed off, but finishes, but then punches me in the face, several times. I was laughing the whole time, but had a pretty nasty black eye.

The fallout, part the second: a few days later at lunch another friend asked how I got the black eye. My buddy just slammed his lunch tray down on the table and stormed off as I start laughing uncontrollably again.

24. Man Endures The Unendurable…Gets Blamed For It

This is the sad case of Carrie “fisher”. I met this lovely Canadian girl at a dive bar in Sydney and in my drunken suave state managed to procure her phone number. SO I called and 6 days later on the Friday I went over to her flat for dinner. I ended up talking to her gay flatmate most of the time, mostly about planes and didn’t really hit it off with the Canadian named Carrie.

Finally everyone went to bed and Carrie and I were left alone to talk in the kitchen. The kitchen talk led to kitchen kissing and before you know it I had found out that she was not wearing any panties. But through my Holmes like deductive skills I knew that something wasn’t quite right and so I sheepishly asked her: “Do you have something inside?” to which I received an unprovoked: “No, I’ve just got a shallow pussy”. My prudishness set in. And let me say I am one of those conservative looking inwardly extreme people. Suffice it to say I kept on and again was met with “resistance”. I plucked up the courage to say: “No , I really think you have something in there” and with deft and nimble fingers, proceeded to slide out and uncork a hard, 7 day old, mucous encrusted tampon.

“The Silver Slug Incident” as Carrie’s house would later call it as though it was all a big joke and not remotely gross. It flopped to the floor with a “flop” and it was kind of like Alladin’s lamp, except that the genie was the worst smell. Kind of like when you walk pass a plot of land and turn to your friend and say: “wow, smells like something is dead in there”. It was the stench of something so putrid and rotten and it went deep inside me. After seeing smelling it she immediately stated: “Oh, my god I am sooo embarrassed.” I, of course, was embarrassed for her and nervously asked if she wanted a bath. “What do you mean?” Not knowing what to say I said with a question: “with me?” Cut to having a bath Cut from bath to spending the night and actually having sex with her because I was to wimpy to say: “That’s gross and I am outta here!”

Cut to the next week in the dvd store that I worked at. She comes in and rents Spiderman. We talk in that “I’m not acknowledging what happened” way. Her flatmate-a girl comes in and also gets Spiderman and with a tiny dvd store full of customers yells out as she leaves: “Oh and by the way…you gave Carrie a yeast infection!”

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/24-people-share-the-grossest-most-unsettling-thing-they-ever-experienced-while-hooking-up/

[invisiblecatpatrol]

Hey cool cats! Jake Flo here, haven’t been around in a bit due to life bein life, but alas here I am fam! A couple weeks ago I managed to make a trip over to Bowling Green, Ohio to hit up Animarathon 2017! This was year 15 for this local convention but only the 3rd year I have attended but let me tell you, just in the last three years, the amount of growth this con has seen is immense. More attendees, More panels, bigger guests, a better merch room and its organization just keeps getting better. 

Animarathon takes place every year on the Bowling Green State University campus in the students union. Compared to a lot of other conventions, this one would probably be considered a bit of a smaller sized one but thats where a lot of the charm comes from. They have Cosplay Competition, live bands playing video game musics, a manga library, a videogame room, tabletop games, a retrocade, a cute maid cafe, a raffle where they gave away a Nintendo Switch and even a neato rave at the end of the night!

This years coolest addition in my opinion would be the Retrocade. Pretty much every console new to old set up in a single room with a sizable library to choose from and they even had a lot of these games for sale! They even had a Sega CDI with a few games but of course everyone just wanted to play the infamous Legend of Zelda CDI games when they got the chance.

Abundant with talented cosplayers, amateur to professional all looking to socialize and show off their hard work put into their costumes. I went as Steven Universe and played my ukulele for people here and there.

Some of the special guests included voice actor Ben Diskin who has voiced various characters from Codename Kids Next Door, JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, Sailor Moon, Naruto, Kingdom Hearts and Fire Emblems series. Dirk Manning, creator of the comic book series Nightmare World and Tales of Mr. Rhee was there showcasing his works and providing advice about breaking into the comic industry.

The whole day was packed full with panels for all ages such as “Kimono 101”, Cosplay Intro courses,  “So You Want To Work In Japan” and even some 18+ panels like “Waifuism and You,” “The Ins and Outs of Yaoi,” and “Shrekology: The Science Behind Shrek.” There were Japanese Club and Gaming Society meetings along with taiko drum performers.

I had loads of fun at Animarathon as I usually do and Im super excited to see whats in store for next year! I grabbed me a couple chubbo Magikarp plushies in the merch room and met a bunch of cool people! Ima try to make it to more cons this year and get better at taking pictures and stuff!

Animarathon 2017!!!! Hey cool cats! Jake Flo here, haven't been around in a bit due to life bein life, but alas here I am fam!

[avtonome]

hey y’all ! i’m kat and i’m super excited to open; i have two super clingy cats in case any of you ever need a visual pick-me-up, i’m a uni student in canada and a Big skincare and dark chocolate junkie, more than likely gonna be typing replies while indulging in either jsyk !

tried to keep it short since i’m a rambly bitch, but here is a link to tally’s currently basic stats, a wc page will be up soon though i have some under the read more, here is her messy as hell pinterest board, and i’ll be posting a little tracklist for her playlist later ! and if tumblr ims are as much of a nuisance for you as they can be for me, you can add me on d*scord at GENUINELY sick of this shit#2030 if you’d like to plot ! anyways, without further ado:

[  im jinah  .  twenty-three  .  cis female  .  she/her  ] just saw TALLULAH “TALLY” HONG dragging their suitcase up the steps to CABIN 4D  .  good luck living with HER  ,  word around campus is that they’re SUPERCILIOUS  ,  DARWINIAN  ,  ASTUTE  &  ALLURING  .  apparently they're the EVENT COORDINATOR.  let’s hope this new living situation doesn’t affect their SENIOR year of COMMUNICATIONS.

tw: drug mention

her parents’ only child together, tally’s the oldest out of her and her half-siblings

also, never call her tallulah. friend or otherwise, don’t take the risk DKLGSJDLK

grew up with a silver spoon, her dad being a wall street giant and her mother being an entrepreneur with a love for art ( so much so that her two partners after separating from tally’s dad were artists themselves sdlkgj )

basically could’ve been a main character on gossip girl with her reckless antics and partying as a teenager…. and now, even SGDLKF

drk how to elaborate on that, aside from stressing that from her teen years onward she’s presented her own take of a rich bitch, and is a socialite/fashion week regular type if i were to describe where she stands rn

is attending hollis at the behest of her father so he has at least one child who could take a senior position in his company simply to keep it in the family

isn’t the most studious person, but she’s gotten far enough to begin wrapping up her major in communications with a marketing minor

she reasoned that, with her reputation in nyc, she’d need the bit of knowledge in how to clean up her messes. even if she wasn’t the one who had that responsibility

though.. the entire time has been spent sleeping with some of her rich friends, drinking and smoking pot, with the occasional hit of whatever clean enough drug that one of her friends had on them

when she’s not getting an education, she’s pissing off her neighbours with her house parties back in nyc or at her beach house in malibu/the family’s new house in beverly hills.. something of the sort at least ( while getting a moment’s peace bc i already know this bitch hates sharing a dorm 90% of the time GDSFLKJD ), staying in the good graces of the media as a budding, fun yet classy heiress — despite doing dumb shit the second she’s inside of a gala or club

as for her time here as the event coordinator somewhere in wyoming ?? she ABHORS it !

she hates organized sports, she hates camping and being restricted ( to some degree in this case ) so why is she here ?? ..... i still haven’t worked that out, i just like to fuck with my muses DKFLGJGSDF

but fr, i thought it would be funny to watch her seethe in a rather unfamiliar element so ! she can have fun with that !

personality and shit

her little blurb on my indie is: refined party girl still set in her ways with her future left uncompromised; detached and pretentious, she soaks up the attention that continues to roll in

which. we’ve basically been over already LKDFSG but still

if i were to use a label to describe her, she'd be the sovereign

she’s messy as hell, but puts on the façade of a poised woman who has some fun because she knows it bodes well

she’s not a complete dick per se, but she can be snide and boastful

Big superiority complex, independent and lives lavishly with reckless abandon 

probably jets back and forth between nyc and l.a during the school year a good bit, so ig she hates the environment if it means not having things go her way !

non-committal as all hell and will abandon girl code if she drops you FGKLJFS

.. fr, she’ll fuck an ex-friend’s ex if she Technically saw them first, so being spiteful And resolving some past attraction ?? right up her alley !

keeps her true inner circle small, but gets off on attention and likes to stay cordial with some people, so she’s got quite a few friends all the same

she’ll fight tooth and nail to protect her image and won’t hesitate to throw anyone under the bus to do so/in retaliation if they screw her over

which happens to mean that her family is to be protected as well. fuck with any of her sisters ?? you’re Done. try to compete with her father ? she’ll leak your suspicious investment history to the times fskgdljlsf

there really isn’t much to expand on tbh, though i will say that her emboldened nature and need for a good time however she can get it comes out more than her uglier side ( except her vanity. that’ll never go away KSFDG )

some quick plot ideas

a childhood friend or two that she made back in nyc or through events she attended when she was young, whether they’re still friends or not for x reasons can be discussed of course

could carry over into a trio type of thing depending on where she stands with either of them, or they’re a different couple of pals she’s made since coming to hollis

enemies are always fun ! probably rooted in a competitive streak more than anything else but i’m all ears for a more complex reason

ex-hookup(s), current hookup(s), throw it all at me klgfjd

a hateship/ewb would be fun with her too, oh my god sfdgklj

surely there are quite a few wealthy kids here, but that doesn’t mean that someone who’s using her for their fifteen seconds of fame, or just to get some perks out of their friendship, is necessarily a write-off — not that she cares too much about fake friends, face value hype and knowing they need her more than she needs them gives her too much satisfaction fkskgls

an ex-something, open to anyone.. who's fc was born earlier than like. '97 since jinah's on the higher end of her twenties dfsjgklsd and someone who's at least a junior. either someone her parents forced on her to straighten her out that she wound up liking…. after a good period of her telling them to fuck off sdglk or someone she’d been seeing for a while at her own accord. would’ve ended the same way: with her calling it off because she didn’t want to settle down, not even for a relationship ( and perhaps bc she’s scared of commitment with her cracked family dynamic that’s been a thing since age two, but that’s another story jsdfkg )

kinda relates to current hookups, but her designated event pal would be super fun ?? sdgkflj like they go to all of these big parties and galas together, then meet up in the nooks of the venue or head back to her place before she throws an after-party of sorts. they’d be decent friends beyond this though, them being someone she trusts a good bit compared to others in her circle