#i have a fanfic abandoned i ao3 i need to write more of it.... its what how i would react if i see him and i know i wouldnt be the only one

[dinopepitah]

Auuurrrghgghgghggg i need my sona buín or ticktocl interacting with spamton ...... the joy to see them interact ........

[descendinginto-madness]

every flame will burn out some day.

cw: major character death. descriptions of blood & (not very detailed) a dead body. descriptions of grief and unhealthy habits.

word count: 1654

a/n: uhh this is just 'himeko dies: the fanfic'. i wrote it like a week ago in two days and it sucked the writing juice out of me but i'm still kinda happy with how it came out? also posted it on ao3 here

Welt doesn't remember all the details.

He does remember the fire, though; beautiful, orange flames blooming in the night, burning so brightly, reaching up so high into the sky, so powerful that he could feel the heat on his face, engulfing every monster in its way and turning it into ash; and he does remember this fire disappearing much too soon and much too abruptly.

He remembers a scream cut short, blood splashing around and landing on his face, a body falling.

He remembers that, for a heartbeat, the world stopped.

He remembers rushing towards her; holding desperately onto some little shards of hope that maybe, just maybe, he would still be able to save her - and these shards being ground into dust the moment he kneeled down next to her.

He remembers trying to shield her body, cover it so that neither March 7th, nor Dan Heng, nor Stelle would have to see it; her pale face, and the deep crimson staining her white dress like grotesque flowers. But they were right behind him, and he was much too slow.

He doesn't remember their faces, he isn't sure if he even looked at them, but he can only assume they showed varying degrees of horror. 

He remembers March clinging onto him, sobbing into his shoulder, and himself wrapping his arms around her almost mechanically, his eyes glued to Himeko's face. 

She looked surprised.

Not scared.

Of course.

He doesn't remember a single time where she would show fear.

He remembers something growing inside him at that moment, too; a decision, crystallizing. Any thoughts about leaving the Astral Express he might've ever had lost any meaning at that moment - now, there was - is - no way he could just abandon them.

He still is almost painfully aware how much Dan Heng, March and Stelle need his guidance.

He doesn't remember how much time it took all of them to finally break out of the initial shock and move, he doesn't remember what ultimately made them do it, he doesn't even know how they got back on the train; he thinks he might've carried March all the way back, but he isn't sure. 

He can't quite recall Pom Pom’s reaction, he can only guess what it was, given they were the one who met Himeko first.

The first few days are a blur, too.

He feels like he's in a trance; like he's just watching  from the sidelines as his body does everything, a spectator in a grim play. He wakes up the day after and immediately gets to work, because he cannot stand the thought of simply lying there, he's afraid of just what may come across his mind. It's much better to keep working.

He doesn't want to give himself time, he can't give himself time, and he will insist he doesn't need to. 

There's so much to take care of around the Astral Express, after all.

It feels natural for him to take over Himeko's responsibilities as well, now. Or maybe he's just looking for ways and excuses to keep himself busy; a part of him certainly is. He attempts to contact her family, or friends, or anyone that might’ve been in any way close to her. He ought to inform them of what had happened. 

Aside from that, he doesn't remember much more. 

But he does check on the kids; obviously, they're not actually children anymore, but they're his children, and they need him more than ever before, and so he ensures they get up, eat, drink water, go to sleep at acceptable hours, and he regularly checks in during the day, asking if they need anything.

Sometimes they just need him to hold them.

To hug them tightly, making a silent promise that everything will be alright, even though all of them know it won't - not right now, and not any time soon.

Pom Pom does the same for him, reminding him to take care of himself, too, but he forgets to do anything the moment the door to his room closes behind them. 

Sometimes he feels like he's underwater, just ran out of air and can't breathe; his lungs are burning, begging him to take even one, small breath, but he can't - if he does, he's surely going to drown.

If he lets himself pay just a bit too much attention to certain thoughts, he's going to crumble, and he simply can't allow that, not when they need him so much - him, not the vulnerable part of him. They need Mr. Yang who's strong, and always knows what to do, and surely has a way for all of them to pick themselves up and piece themselves back together. For Dan Heng to speak again, because he hasn’t said a word since Himeko’s death. For March to go back to being so cheerful like she usually is. For Stelle to stop being so serious, with such an overwhelmingly dark aura around her.

He doesn't.

He won't admit it.

These first few days stretch into a week.

The scent of coffee coming from Himeko's room is much, much, much weaker now.

No one has entered this room since her death.

One morning Stelle knocks on his door.

He's used to working alone, but he lets her help him when she asks if there's anything she could do. Sure. There is quite a lot, actually, he'll find something for her no problem. It does feel tense at first; he’s so exhausted, he definitely hasn’t been taking proper care of himself, and he’s almost certain she will pick up on it even despite her own visible tiredness, but she doesn’t. Or, at the very least, she doesn’t mention it. She does talk about some other things, though, not too much, that’s for sure, but he’s never been more relieved to hear it.

He’s used to relaxing alone, too, but when one evening March asks him if he would like to watch a movie with the three of them, he agrees almost instantly. Her voice is still so quiet, almost unsure, and so unlike her, and obviously he can’t and didn’t even think about blaming her for it in any way, but it still breaks his heart a little-

 No, not that.

It only adds onto the pain piling up since the moment he saw Himeko’s body fall to the ground. 

But he follows March to her bedroom anyway, and as the four of them settle down, he lets her rest her head on his shoulder eventually. He lets Stelle do the same. He watches the movie - an animated one he isn't familiar with - trying to ignore the overwhelming sense of guilt growing in his heart.

It is his job to protect the crew; all of them, Himeko included, and he failed. If he was just a bit faster that day, nothing would've happened, all five of them would be watching this movie, and the atmosphere of this room wouldn't feel so heavy, this moment of peace wouldn't feel so fragile, like the smallest wrong move would be enough to shatter it into pieces.

His heart feels like something is repeatedly stabbing into it, again, and again, and again, and again-

He speaks up, eventually, and his voice is quiet, but he hopes it will be louder than his thoughts. 

He comments on the animation, he compliments the beautifully drawn backgrounds, he even brings up the time he himself worked as an animator.

When Dan Heng asks him a question, it feels like everyone in the room can finally breathe again, but his heart still feels so heavy.

The week extends into two, then three, nearly a month. 

The scent of coffee coming from her room is long gone, but he still catches himself surprised by the lack of it; he still catches himself expecting Himeko to leave her bedroom in the morning, to hear her talking to the kids or Pom Pom. When he sits in the parlor car, lost in thought, he's subconsciously waiting for Himeko to enter, with a teasing comment and a playful smile on her face.

The pain has become a little duller, but it remains, and he isn't sure if it will ever disappear. The guilt is persistent as ever, and although he doesn't quite feel like a machine quite as much anymore, he's exhausted.

Some days he feels like he's about to collapse, in every possible way.

The kids leave the Astral Express for a bit one day, finally; there's some shopping that needs to be done and they decide to go together. They ask him if he wants to accompany them, but he declines gently. No, he still has some work to do. Yes, he will be alright, they don't need to worry. No, he's not tired. Yes, he will remember to rest later. He feels bad that he made them feel like they should ask about all that.

The door to his room closes behind them, and he locks it with shaky hands.

He waits.

He waits until the sound of their quiet conversation disappears from the hallway.

His heartbeat is much too loud in his ears.

He wants to scream.

He's frustrated with himself because of that, because it's such a childish want, but he needs to scream until his voice gives up completely and he can't even talk anymore, until he's exhausted and empty, rid of everything he feels.

For now, though, he's struggling to breathe.

He leans against the door and forces himself to take in long, deep, painfully slow and shaky breaths. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.

His throat hurts, his eyes start to burn, his vision blurs when the tears finally start to overflow.

He feels so alone that it physically hurts.

He is going to be fine, though.

He has been strong for them. He has been the support they need.

He will continue to be once they return.

[ambrossart]

Last year I saw the IT movie (after a long time and with quite a bit of terror) and I was really very fascinated, so much so became that is my hyperfixation. So, after an exhaustive search (and reading too many fanfics), I came across PAPER MEN.

What can I say, it's TOO GOOD, I mean, I LOVE everything about it, especially Belch because he's my favorite along with Henry (I love Henry). AND EVELYN, I'M FAN OF EVELYN, SHE IS SO PRETTY AND SO COOL AND I AM SUFFEEERING. I want to draw her because she is, she is, is EVELYN AAAHH.

As a Spanish-speaking person who has entered a dead fandom (?? it is quite rare (in my case) to find works this beautiful in broadcast/continuation (some are abandoned or deleted) on both the English and Spanish sides, or maybe i can´t find them fine, Lmao. Anyway, i'm happy :D.

I already said that I love PAPER MEN, but I say it again, I have become fond of PAPER MEN and I can't wait to finish reading it and wait for its future updates.

Sorry for the long text and my appalling english, I wrote this with the little English I remember, my notes in hand and the translator to tell you everything I mentioned above.

I NEED TO MENTION that I love that it has a playlist an Spotify and that PAPER MEN is not only on ao3 and tumblr BUT THAT IT IS ALSO ON WATTPAD.

I've also been working on a little fanfic since I saw the movie (and failing to read the book because it's TOO LONG, fuck), but that's still a long way off (a lot of time, maybe???)

I think this got too long, shit. BUT I just wanted to tell you that, that I adore you because you write super beautifully and for having created and being writing PAPER MEN. :D

First of all, welcome to the fandom!

I don't know if I'd call it dead, necessarily, but it is significantly less active than it was when the movies first came out. I started Paper Men in 2019 (I can't believe it's almost been five years) so I kind of missed the boat as well. Better late than never, though, right?

I do recommend reading the book. I know it's long, but if you can read Paper Men, you can probably read IT (and Stephen King is a much better writer than I am). If you like the Bowers gang, if you like Henry, it's definitely worth reading to get a deeper understanding of his character. But it's totally up to you!

I'm glad you like Evelyn. I know she seems like the Mary Sue, Little Miss Perfect type, but there's a lot more to her than that. Nothing comes naturally to Evelyn. Nothing comes easily to her. She works very hard for everything she has, including her relationships. I'm really proud of Evelyn as a character, and I'll defend her with my very last breath lol.

I'll stop talking now because I'm not sure how far into the story you are, but my inbox is always open if you have any comments or questions.

Thanks for reading, and good luck on your fanfic!

[goneahead]

Writer 20 Questions

I was tagged by @stephmcx and @itwoodbeprefect back when trilobites roamed the earth. Um, sorry?

How many works do you have on A03? Actually, I’m mostly on Dreamwidth so:

Dreamwidth ~150 fics

AO3 is 59 fics

What's your total AO3 word count?

DW is 1,012,997

A03 is 404,628

note: I don’t keep an exact track of my separate poetry journal but there are 947 poems—so I am guessing that’s another 75,000 words😁

What fandoms do you write for? Currently? Steve and Danny from Hawaii Five-0 have stolen both my heart and my muse!

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

* Care and Feeding of a SuperSEAL

* Trusses of my Heart

* A Bodyguard for Christmas

* The Long Road Home (Broken Road on DW)

* Five Times Steve was an Idiot, but Danny Kissed Him Anyway

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I do respond to comments, but in a completely random and haphazard way because I am incable of being organized😂

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? My H50 comment fic ‘Anger’ is definitely my most angsty ending. And yes, it’s yet another fic I need to cross-post to A03…

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? It’s a toss up between Care and Feeding and Bodyguard. I love happy ever afters!

Do you get hate on fics? Not on my fics per se, but I called out some people who were bullying a friend of mine in another fandom—and they decided to repost all my fics on other sites to punish me for speaking up. So, now all my fic is on Dreamwidth and friend-locked. I am slowly cross-post H50 fic to A03, but I doubt I will ever cross-post fic from that other fandom.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I will write sex if its necessary for the story, but porn is definitely one of my weak spots as a writer.

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? Occaisonally. I wrote an Addams FamilyxAvengers that was very short and very silly😂

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Yes, many. At least I am really good at writing DMCA letters now?

Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope, but I had few pod-ficced ages and ages ago.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? I used to co-write regularly, but my co-writers all got super busy😭

What's your all-time favorite ship? I think McDanno has ruined me for all other ships.

What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? I have a X-MenxSupernatural fic that my co-writer had to abandon.

What are your writing strengths?I love to world build and have been told my AUs are very believable. Even when I do really crazy stuff, like **checks notes** space spiders.😁

What are your writing weaknesses? Writing sex scenes. Definitely.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

In general, I think writers are still working out how to write fanfic that is easy to read on mobile screens. For example, long paragraphs and conversations between more than three people are sooo much harder to read on a mobile phone.

Heck, I’ve even stopped using italics for dream sequences/flashbacks because it’s just not readable on a small screen. And then there’s coding. **Sigh** Dreamwidth has updated their coding and now I really need to reformat my entire journal because the changed have made my older fanfic much harder to read.

So when it comes to different languages or dialects, I try to come up with something that will make it easier for my readers, instead of relying on the ‘proper’ way to do things. I don’t know if I’m always successful, but I at least make a stab at it. And since I have a fic I’m currently rewriting that has 13 different languages in it, I definitely spend more time than I want to admit thinking about this problem! 🥵🤪

First fandom you wrote for? Duran Duran bandom. Yes, I just dated myself😂😂😂

Favorite fic you've ever written? My fic with the most kudos is Care and Feeding of a Super SEAL. The fic that people are still dming me about is So Let Me Set Your Battlements On Fire over on dreamwidth.

Tagging @cowandcalf @actingcamplibrarian @stellagioia @redgoldblue @bennyokelly and anybody else who wants to play!

[pixelchills]

What’s up, Current content & Original story starting point

Hey guys! I’m getting back on track with the move now over, and I have my full focus on art and writing again! 

I know many of you are getting a bit impatient with the lack of updates on my fics - which is fair, they’ve been without new chapters for a few months now! However, I have been very busy with a lot of other stuff (travels, moving, crafting the dolldrops), and my focus seems to always be on one thing at a time, which hasn’t been the stories of ANSSW or MDD for the moment. 

This doesn’t mean I’m abandoning them. The updates will just be a little slower since I write those stories when I feel like it. The reason why the Prequel was written so quickly, was because it was my main focus at the time. I have ADHD, I tend to hyperfocus on one thing for a while, then move to the next. Right now, my focus has been on the Helper Bot AU, commission work, and my original story of Dreamflower. 

I might be able to go back to hyperfocusing on ANSSW and MDD, but as for now, they’re getting updates whenever I feel like it. The fics are content I give you guys for free, as art and writing is mostly just my hobby (excluding Patreon and commissions). And since I’m not working this summer, I’m doing commissions. So technically they’re my summer job, lol. So work comes first, and fanfics a bit later.

I am a disabled person with long-term fatigue. There are many days when I can’t make content at all because of how tired I am. And since I have so many projects and AUs and interests (most of them circling around Sun and Moon though), sometimes I’m more focused on other projects than I am on the others. So sorry about that!

This is not what I wanted to talk about, though. Just to give a little heads-up on what’s going on behind the screen! 

My genuine wonders lie within the original story of Dreamflower right now, and I would love to hear your opinion on this. 

I know most of you follow me for my Sun & Moon stories and AUs, but I can genuinely tell you if you like my storytelling, LGBTQ+ themes, with angst and fluff; I think you’ll enjoy the story of Luan and Solros a lot, since they are based on my Animutant Moon and Sun after all! 

While building the story and its characters, and besides a few Tumblr ask answers and drawings, I am really eager to tell their story and work on the universe with you. But right now it all seems to be still stuck in my head and drawers.

I really wish to make Dreamflower into a Webtoon one day. But to get there, I need to get faster at drawing, and figure out the story fully before I can start drawing it. Besides being a visually driven person, I’m also really wordy (ADHD trait, I talk even more than I write). So writing a comic script from scrap, where I need to keep the story moving at a good pace, seems like a lot of work to my wordy brain. 

So, I wondered: what if I write first and then script the comic from there? 

This way I would be able to get the story out and delivered - with as many words as my heart desires - while also being able to publish content about my original story. 

Of course, this would push back the actual starting point of the comic itself, but I have realised this story and its universe are a passion project of mine; I don’t really care how long it takes, since I’m mostly doing it in my free time anyway. 

So I have a few options I’d like you to help me pick out from:

Write the story of Dreamflower in the order it should be told, and publish it to AO3. Currently, there wouldn’t be an ending point, since the story itself continues far after where the Webtoon would end. 

Same thing, but publish future scenarios/oneshots to Tumblr or AO3 separately too (usually these scenes take place after Solros and Luan have started dating, and they would appear in the main story if you’d like me to keep them secret until in that part of the story.) 

Most likely, similar to ANSSW & MDD, I would include art in each chapter for visuals. I’ve found this type of content creation very appealing to myself, as it allows me to both tell a story and draw a scene from the story without it becoming overwhelming like a comic. 

So, any thoughts on this? Which way would be a good way to go?

Thanks for reading! I hope you’re having a good summer! (Or winter if you live on the other side of the globe! c:)

I'll be taking a little break again next month when travelling again, but I'll mention that again a bit closer to the date! Just wanted to give a little notice of what’s going on at the moment!

-Chill

[vamp-ress]

heyy, some 2 days ago you made a post recommending the fic The Fall, by Idrilia, on live journal, but I've only ever used ao3 so idk exactly how to use this one, because every time I try to to read it, it asks for my login, I created one, and then it just says that my access is denied.. do you know why that'd be? if you don't that's alright, it's just cause it happened before once or twice and I still don't know what happened...

Since AO3 is going down for maintenance today, it's probably a good time to answer this. So all of you who mainly hang around on AO3 have a little project to tide you over.

AO3 was founded in 2008. The basic idea behind AO3 (apart from being an all-inclusive archive) was to provide a safe fandom space free from companies and ad revenues. That there are users today who apparently cannot navigate a fanfic space apart from AO3 should be sign enough that AO3 is succeeding at its goal, giving enough fans enough access to everything they might want to read and more.

But: Of course, (internet)fandom existed before AO3. When I started reading fanfic in 1998/1999 most of it was hosted as static html on Geocities or Angelfire sites. If fans really meant business they bought their own webspace (I still have mine, though you can't access it). When I became enamoured with LOTR (and subsequently LOTRPS fandom) fanfiction communities were fragmented, small and were catering to different tastes. You could go to ff.net, to several specialized automated archives or Yahoogroups/Egroups (please read this article by @dawnfelagund if you'd like a deep dive into the history of archives). A lot of the adult parts of fandom happened on journaling sites like Livejournal and Dreamwidth. They were easy to set up and you could "police" who accessed your journal.

Why is this still relevant today? A lot of fannish spaces have vanished over the years - because the people inhabiting them moved on or because the space itself ceased to exist. Some fannish spaces (I'm now talking about LOTR and LOTRPS) have moved to AO3, like LOM or HASA. However, a lot of fannish spaces have disappeared (like Mirrormere) or they sit abandoned where no one will find them, because no one coming to the fandom now knows about them.

Two of those spaces are LJ and Dreamwidth. Livejournal was where you usually did your reading when you were into LOTRPS. After strikethrough in 2007, many fans moved to Dreamdwidth. Both sites use the same code, they work essentially in the same way. What you need to know:

These are journaling sites! Basically, they are blogs. "Normal" people would use them as a blog, chronicling their life or writing about their hobby. Fandom, though, always was a big part of Livejournal. Fans would post their fanfiction there, because they could decide who was allowed to read those stories.

Friending The profile of any given journal will show this journal's friendslist. Mine looks like this (my journal is completely public, though, there is no friends-only content):

These people will see my new posts in their journal. It works like it always does on social media. They subscribe to me, thye friend me, they become my mutual - whatever you like to call it. These are also the people who will see content that I post only for this circle of friends. This is what that looks like on DW:

Since a lot of (especially adult) fanfiction on LJ/DW is friendslocked, the owner of the journal needs to add you to there friendslist. Usually, by going to someone's journal with friendslocked content, you will only see a sticky post asking you to comment to be added. It might look something like this:

(From Silvan Lady's DW)

(Form Akasha Elfwitch's fic journal)

Sometimes, a user is extra-nice and gives you the info you need already on the profile page.

(From Chaosmanor's profile page on DW)

How to get added: First, you need a Livejournal and/or Dreamwidth account. Theoretically, you could access both with OpenID, but I'm not sure whether anyone still uses those. So, if in doubt, sign up with the service where the journal you want to read is hosted. After that, go to the journal in question and find the friends-only post. Comment on that post. It usually helps to tell the journal owner why you want to be added ("I want to read the fic!" or "I''ve heard about your fic, please add me"). And then you wait.

Caveat: Many of these people have moved on. Many of these journals are not in use anymore. Some people cannot access their journals anymore, which means that it's quite possible no one will answer and you won't be added. It's a gamble. But I've managed to get added to some LJs only last year, so it's not totally impossible. And I tell you, it's worth it! Especially when we're talking Viggorli, you're seeing only a marginal amount of what this ship was about on AO3. Of all the private journals and all the many comms, the only one that was transferred to AO3 (to my knowledge) was the Viggorli Secret Santa. You will definitely want to try and get access to some of those old journals! And who knows, maybe the writer in question will be totally thrilled that someone wants to read their fic so many years later. Stranger things have happened.

(If any of the oldies want to add something, please do! Though, I've purposefully not digged into the whole LJ-issue or why people left LJ to begin with. That's fodder for a different post. If anyone has questions, shoot!)

[dreaming-hibi]

Welcome to the dreamscape!

Hello, my name is Hibillia M. — which is of course a made-up name taken from my two favorite flowers: hibiscus and camellia. I'm super friendly I swear, and I answer to both Hibi and Kei.

I kind of realized that not everyone will have the time to check all the different links I have shared in my About Me page, so I might as well make a post about it. This pinned post will have some quick links to my twitter, my AO3, my favorite fics among the ones I wrote and updates on what I might be writing next!

My Twitter

I use twitter to shitpost and announce updates on what I'm writing and what I'm publishing.

My AO3

I abandoned ff.net many, many years ago and I've never looked back (lies, I do look back, especially for Detective Conan fanfics). AO3 is the main place where I publish fanfics, I don't cross-post because I don't want to be associated with my old ff.net account.

PS. If you knew me from ff.net, let's both act like it NEVER HAPPENED.

My favorite fics (that I wrote)

Fairy Tail Sting x Rogue

Though both fics are riddled with spelling mistakes and the likes, this was my first time writing a canon x canon ship as well as m/m. I'm stupidly proud of trainwreck, and I hope I can one day correct all those stupid mistakes and make the stories truly shine.

Genshin Impact Xiao x Hu Tao

At one point, I had a bunch of Xiao x Hu Tao fanfictions, but then I realized... I was no good at writing any of it, so I deleted many of them while I was upset. I don't regret doing this, nor do I think I will ever feel the need to write Xiao x Hu Tao like I did in those days. I keep liking the ship, as long as I don't write it.

My active fanfic projects

Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

I am currently working on what is (honestly) a rather massive Katekyo Hitman Reborn fanfiction series. I cannot say much about it now but, hopefully, soon enough I will be able to reveal more details!

REBORN x Legacies

REBORN x Legacies is the title for a series of fanfictions on the anime Katekyo Hitman Reborn! The series is made up of 4 different sagas, each with its own unique name and arcs.

My less active fanfic projects

Ao no Exorcist

Truth to be told, I have done this one fanfiction over and over and over again. So, technically, my Ao no Exorcist fanfic should be a done project but, lo and behold who has decided to pick this up again and give it a different spin this time?

Unfortunately, I don't have a logo like I do for my active projects, but I do have a title, which I won't be sharing because I would much rather share a logo!

Update: I have a logo!

Sailor Moon

I can say even less about this one because I've hit a roadblock known as "The idea sounds so much more epic in my head and I just can't put it down in a way that satisfies me!"

[likelightinglass]

Fic Stats Tag Game

Rules: Give us the links to your fic with the most hits, second most kudos, third most comments, fourth most bookmarks, fifth most words, and fic with the least words.

Thanks for the tag @danpuff-ao3 this looks fun!

Most Hits

In which Severus is stressed and needs Daddy to treat him like a dumb little cumdump. We're both gay and obsessed with tender, intimate kink; moved, we wrote this fanfic

Summary:

Severus spends a morning serving Daddy like a proper little cockslut, since that's what he's good at. Lucky for him, Daddy loves him that way.

Yeah I see all you perverts out there. So many hits on this one and comparitvely so few comments and kudos--and twice as many private bookmarks as public!

I think this may be the fic of mine people seem most ashamed to have read. But I hope people enjoyed it nonetheless haha.

This was so fun to write and it was a hoot to explore some very niche kinks. It was a blast to cowrite with the wonderful alhaz and that excellent naming convention was my crazy idea. I still get such a kick out of it whenever I see it.

Second Most Kudos

World Enough, and Time

Summary:

Soulmate clocks start ticking when you first lock eyes, and count down until your time with them is over. Harry’s starts ticking on September 1st, 1991. He has only six years, eight months, and one day.

This is secretly my favorite fic. I wrote it all at once stream of consciousness style while out shopping. This fic brought to you by eating fast food in my car in a parking lot.

I love the soulmate trope and I loved this take on it. And I am quite pleased with myself that I took the angst and managed a happy ending anyway!

This one had a recent popularity spike due to the amazing podfic by Cailynwrites!!! I am so grateful for it.

Third Most Comments

What Comes Next (and How to Like it)

Summary:

A choose your own adventure fic!

You are Severus Snape. You survived against all odds, and now it's time to take life into your own hands. What will you do with this gift of a second chance, and how will you find your happy ending?

Your happy ending is pretty much always Harry Potter, but there's so many fun ways to get there.

I was so inspired by @lizzy0305 's Choices that I just had to write my own choose your own adventure fic. I am so insanely proud of this one although the plotting was a bear haha. It was very fun writing basically a bunch of mini fics and using so many different tropes. And I got to give Severus over a dozen different happy endings. It's what he deserves.

I feel like this one doesnt get as much love--maybe the interactive nature of it can be off putting? But its one of my favorite things that I have ever wrote and the fic i tend to self rec the most. Most of the comments on this are telling me what their favorite endong was and its so nice to see! Especially since several have been recieved unexpectedly.

Fourth Most Bookmarks

So actually World Enough, and Time again but it is SO CLOSE to More Than Dark, I'm cheating a tiny bit in order to pimp this one out

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31757209/chapters/78608503

More Than Dark

Summary:

Severus is imprisoned in solitary confinement in Azkaban with no idea of who won the war. He is ill, underfed, and slowly losing his mind.

When Harry eventually takes him in and nurses him back to health, he can scarcely believe it's real.

My white whale. My magnum opus. My only published WiP. It haunts me every day that it remains unfinished. I promise its not abandoned, I love it so much and I've written and outlined so much of it but its going to be novel length (in a thousand years when its done) and its been over a year since the last update. I am pouring my heart and soul into this one and its jjst taking a really. Really. Really long time. But if anyone likes WiPs, please try it. I think its one of my best.

Fifth Most Words

Sly and Songful

Summary:

One of the those animagus fics, in which our heroes would rather secretly spy and pine instead of just have an honest conversation.

But where would the fun in that be?

Everyone lives AU, in which you will encounter birds, foxes, pining, stubbornness, falling in love, and scars.

This was one of my first ever fics and it was a birthday present for the magnificent @bleedcolor .

I loved working on this and feeling like I was finally writing a "real" fic with a plot and everything. Its got nightingale animagus Harry and fox animagus Snape and gnarly scars and its very soft and probably a little out of character and amateur but I love it very much.

Theres also a sequel to this, A kind of love called maintenance that I am particularly proud of.

I also commissioned art of this one from Madfantasy! I will reblog it now so it appears right above :)

Fic with the Least Words

AITA for not going down on my boyfriend?

Summary:

Severus takes to the internet to determine if he is, in fact, the asshole.

This was inspired by my obsession with Reddit's Am I the Asshole? And a conversation with Zalil after her spectacular fic where we agreed her fic's Severus was an incredibly selfish lover. It still makes me laugh, I added a couple "in charachter" comments and encouraged others to do so, got some hilarious ones back! If anyone reads this, please comment in the style of AITA hahah.

Tagging: @bleedcolor @perverse-idyll @coconutice22 @givereadersahug @lizzy0305 and absolutely anyone else who wants to!!!

[reconstructwriter]

Twenty Fanfic Writer Questions

Thank you @charmwasjess for tagging me, I feel so loved - spreading the love @panther-os, @s-c-g-s-c-g, @ankahikoibaat

1. How many works do you have on Ao3? 

Twenty four. Huh. I need to import more of my stuff from fanfiction.net

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 

How do I find this out… ohh statistics sounds handy. 265k

3. What fandoms do you write for? 

Currently Star Wars, I've also written for Order of the Stick, Percy Jackson, Final Fantasy 7 and Danny Phantom

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Underestimated, Standing Above the Blood, May the Force be Taxed, A Supreme Chancellor to Kill, A Phantom Christmas Carol.

5. Do you respond to comments? 

ohh yes, responding to comments is a reward, one I let myself have once I've gotten the next chapter of the story ready. This motivates me to get a chapter ready for posting faster!

but I usually write out my thoughts first in anticipation of getting to post them

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? 

So far: ‘Yet Each Man Kills the Thing He Loves’. A suicide fic starring a Sith Apprentice who has a Dooku-inspired Sith Master so its toxic relationships: the Fic. I went with non-romantic flower disease in this for extra toxicity plot and while the ending isn’t totally tragic because its implied (1) person lives that’s it.

However ‘Will the Wolf Survive’ may well outstrip it if I go with my knife-twister!

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? 

Probably Palpatine’s Jedi Holiday. It starts and ends with a holiday and Palpatine is exposed as a Sith in one of the more humiliating ways possible.

8. Do you get hate on fics? 

Yes, the Anakin/Consequences fics I’ve written involving the Tusken Massacre have gotten a certain subset of fans whining about Anakin being characterized as a whiny asshole and/or defending his genocide of an entire tribe down to the babes in arms and their Space-puppies.

I’m salty about it but I’ve managed to hammer out a few chapters running purely on spite.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? 

Eh, I’m ace/aro and on the indifferent/repulsed side of the spectrum so in the rare case when I’m writing romance that leads to sexytimes I tend to dance around the actual physical acts, generally going for M rated instead of E rated.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? 

I’ve read them more than written them but I love crossovers. My craziest published one is over on fanfiction.net: Dresden Files x Predator Series featuring the titular protagonist facing off against a Predator out to hunt down the mythical ‘human wizard’.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? 

Nope, though that’s a Writer Goal ™

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? 

Nope, though I might not mind later on.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship? 

This is cruel making me pick just one. I tend to go for vibes on a ship more than specific pairings – foe-yay + hurt/comfort – so if the pairing fits the vibes I’m fine with just about any if at least one is a blorbo. Hypothetically Jaster Mereel/Ferus Olin pairing with those vibes would probably be my greatest wish. Rex/A’Sharad Hett and Jaster/Feemor are very close runners up.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? 

My strength is finishing posted WIPs. I’ve yet to post anything and later abandoning it (yet). However on the flip-side my hard drive is stuffed with WIPs from many a fandom where my interest has waned. They will likely never see the light of day.

16. What are your writing strengths? 

Sheer determination. I can consistently word vomit thousands of words/a dozen pages of work every day (don't tell corporate) and usually have at least a finished rough draft of a story before I post. If not, come hell or high water I will finish my posted WIPs.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Focus. Often those thousands of words are on an unrelated project or ten. Also sometimes what I mean in writing is perfectly obvious to me but not to the reader, resulting in occasional misunderstandings.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? 

I'm also gonna go with: does sign language count? I find it interesting and I read this post about this one show with lots of characters who sign and how their signing shows their characterization – I grabbed ahold of that idea and ran with it!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Justice League, Back in the olden days when the animated series was out and my biggest obsession and I hadn’t found fanfiction.net or ao3. Was ao3 around?

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? 

of all time…that’s hard but narrowly May the Force be Taxed! I actually got to do the thing where I use my real-world work knowledge and experience for a realistic fanfic. I based the Galactic Republic Tax Law on US Tax Law, Palpatine’s move to change tax law in the middle of tax season is based on President Biden doing the same thing (though of course Palpatine’s decision was considerably more assholish for all parties involved), etc.

It was such fun to write and so relieving – since I wrote this during tax season I got to take out a lot of stress from irl clientele, co-workers and stupid politicians/bankers who really should know better and insert it in this fic. Qui Gon being a terrible record-keeper, Darth Sidious having not nearly enough clues about how taxes worked and the IRS auditors were definitely not my co-workers…

Plus I got to give Palpatine and the Sith in general a fitting fate in the form of a tax bill with nigh-unending zeros that they and anyone else in any way affiliated with the Sith is charged with. The Sith Order Dies because no one is willing to get near the Galaxy’s largest tax bill!

[sakamaki-richter]

@fruit-of-infidelity tagged me in a character inspiration post but i’m saying FUCK THE FORMAT IM RAMBLING ABT MY INSPOS FOR RICHTER BC YOU GAVE ME THE OPPORTUNITY 🫵🫵 (here’s the template for anyone who wants it tho. but i’ll also tag @ask-cordelia-sakamaki — either for your oc, or if you have inspo for cordie that you’d like to share <3 i adore the way you write)

ANYWAYS! RAMBLES UNDER DA CUT!

first and foremost. i don’t actually have any real inspiration for the way i write richter??? at least none that i’m conscious of! mostly it’s just i adopt a completely different writing style to convey the way i see richter in my head. however i do have one fanfic author that consistently influences my writing.

eloha on ao3— their writing is so intimate & purposeful and it’s genuinely beautiful to read?? everything is so smooth, & feels very personal no matter what the situation is. (i havent read any of their stuff in a while though; rip </3 )

ANYWAY NOW I GET TO RAMBLE ABT HOW RICHTER IS IN MY HEAD & WHY I WRITE HIM THE WAY THAT I DO. also i probably write him pretty ooc than he is in canon but i truly dont gaf BAHAHHS. /lh

most of the scenes we see of richter are him just being like. raunchy and skeezy. so i don’t particularly change that— i just write it differently than rejet so it at least sounds pretty whenever he’s doing some fucked shit. but i also just adore like. general vampire aesthetics. particularly their speech patterns, and how every movement they make seems buttery smooth its SICKLY. so i write richter that way. <3 like you know he’s big and bad. you know that absolutely nothing good comes from being with him no matter how close you are. but the smooth sway his hand makes when he points. the way he tilts his head so very sweetly whenever he’s asking (telling) you to do something. EUGH i wanna make everything he does sound pretty when you read it none of you understand.

OH ALSO I LIED I DO HAVE A SINGULAR INSPO I JUST REMEMBERED. (there’s surely more, but you know. whatever). august ruthven! from vanitas no carte! you all have seen me yell and scream abt him a lot and how he and richter are the same to me but REALLY. I MEAN IT. he also inspired the version of richter i have in my head <3 because rejet made him and abandoned him and i’m delusional.

i love tragic vampire lords okay. i love vampire royalty i love it when they’re in pain i love it when they hide things & i love love love it when they’re pretty & manipulative. so that’s richter in my head. yeah. ALSO HIHI @fruit-of-infidelity I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT THE WAY YOU WRITE RICHTER MAKES MY BRAIN BRRRR SO YOURE INSPO ALSO 🫂 YOU WRITE HIM VV NICELY AND IM JEALOUS PLS GIMME YOUR BRAIN.

SO IDK IF I REALLY TOOK MUCH INSPIRATION FROM THINGS— but i really just adopt an entirely different writing style and bend the way richter already is in canon. idk when writing him i need to make sure i can capture all his pretty angles. so i can make him look beautiful when his mind is all broken and he’s all hallucinating and delusional. he deserves the best <3

here’s a classic case of whin ignoring the prompt & rambling abt their own thing. oopsie :)

[eomma-jpeg]

12, 18 and 29 for the Fanfic Wrapped questions please! :D

hi b !

12. How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year?

Way too many

So i just counted and its AT LEAST 20 different documents and about 5 different stories. 

Some of the stories include my college au, things for @noaafishfieldguide After Eden fic, the undine/mermaid millynai au, bakery au with @veilder, and a post trimax domestication au (with babies bc i have yet to experiment with that and its funnnn)

But im hoping to gain some steam on my college au and post more regularly when the new year comes !!!

18. The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?

Probably knives 

Rn actually its Legato

I intend to write him as a creep (bc he is) but i keep hesitating bc i know some people enjoy Legato as a character

I do too ! but I need to use him for nefarious purposes in the college au fic lolol

UGH I ALSO HAVE TROUBLE WITH LIVIO AND RAZLO AND SO IVE KIND OF HELD MYSELF BACK ON WRITING THOSE TWO

One day tho… next year hehe

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

Oh dear. I have to go on a hunt.

So one of my FAVORITE lines from in the meadow is in chapter 8

“And for the first time, Milly felt like Knives saw her.”

Its so simple but in context it says a lot about the development of Milly and Knives’ relationship.

Okay… another passage from in the meadow that i really liked. This one is the ending of chapter 17

Three days after Thompson left, Knives plucked the first ripe tomato. 

He felt pride, especially in himself. His sister had shown him what she wanted, and Knives had accomplished just that; helping the humans and providing useful resources to them had been her greatest desire, and Knives felt he had fulfilled her wish. He would need to return to the geoplant chamber and speak with her, tell her about their successes in and around the garden.

But even with that pride and the excitement in being able to show his sister what she had helped to produce, there was still an emptiness. 

The tomato he picked was only one of a few ripe fruit on the bushes, but this was the first he had spotted. Grabbing the red thing, he wrenched it off the plant with a tug. He turned it in his hand, running a thumb along the natural seams that spread from where the stem originated. The texture was slippery against his fingertips, a glossy finish coating the entire surface. It was just as Thompson had described: a fully red tomato, firm to the touch and easily pulled from the plant.

It was perfect. Not a single blemish from growth or from worms.

Knives' grip tightened on the fruit. He wanted to crush it, break it open, destroy it beneath his powerful grasp, a victim of his fierce anger.

But if he did that it would mean she wouldn't get to see it. She wouldn't get to view the first fruit of their harvest.

Holding the small fruit in his hands, Knives abandoned his work in the garden, moving alone to the casita she inhabited. His heart panged at its emptiness, the loneliness he had felt since she left striking with a vengeance. He walked to the counter, gently placing the tomato down on the smooth surface. 

And there it would remain until Milly returned.

This is the first time knives refers to milly as ‘milly’ and I love the dichotomy of a beautiful fruit against his unending frustration and rage. 

I have many others,,, like a few lines from sealed in steam or from spent tears, but in the meadow is my baby and i will continue to admire it.

ao3 wrapped

[zoyalannister]

So I decided to do a crazy and impulsive thing since I haven't been posting fanfics for a while.

I am here posting the prologue of Endless Sunlight, the craziest fanfic I've ever written/planned.

I war you, I will need ChoT to write the rest, so if you want to read this Prologue now, you will have to wait for a long while before seeing the rest.

The story will be posted fully on Ao3 once it's completely written and edited, since it will break a few rules here I think.

So, for the first time in my life, NO BETA WE DIE LIKE BARBARA.

TW: canon level violence, mention of violence (still canon-level), swearing.

Endless Sunlight

Prologue

Thule

London, 1912

Grace felt the servants dragging her along the hall, but through the hood that she’d been forced to wear she couldn’t see anything. Not that she needed, since those corridors were as familiar as her own room, and she had a very precise idea where she was being taken.

At some point she felt the men pulling her and for a few seconds just the void. Grace tried to roll on a side to soften her fall, but her hip hit the soil painfully. She didn’t give them the satisfaction of hearing her painful whimper.

Finally free, she took off the hood and looked around: she was in the maze of ruins that was the garden of Chiswick Manor. From the balustrade of the terrace, where she’d apparently been pushed off, a servant threw at her three items and Grace caught them at once.

A stele, a seraph blade and a dagger.

Oh fuck, she thought. As she guessed, that bastard was at it again.

Grace quickly drew on her forearm and her legs runes of Strength, Speed, Swiftness and Silence. A hissing sound came to her ears and Grace whispered, "Azrael" to activate her seraph blade.

In a second, from the bush on her right a demon appeared and Grace lifted her blade. The demon lunged at her, but she jumped off on her left and rolled to come back on her feet, but the demon was already on her.

Sometimes it is more useful to take a step back rather than rolling around.

Those words came back to her as Grace quickly took a little jump back to avoid the demon's talon, and the fact that his advice had just saved her life made her hate him even more.

She avoided another couple of blows to study the demon, and once she got its timing, Grace jumped forward and pierced its shoulder, from which ichore gushed out in an arch. She rolled away from the poisonous blood, but to do so she abandoned the grip on the seraph blade.

Another hissing attracted her attention, as Grace realized that there were two demons.

You fucking sadistic bastard, she thought.

She had no time to waste, though: she ran as fast as she could in the opposite direction of the sound, as she thought about how to retrieve the seraph blade.

Her way, at some point, was blocked by a black plant full of thorns.

Black thorns, she thought. You have a sick sense of humor.

Grace quickly drew some incomplete iratzes on her arm and, taking a deep breath, she started climbing the thorns. Every time her palms were pierced or her body was cut, she suffocated the pain until she reached the top, where she closed the healing runes, feeling immediately her wounds closing, and took a look at the field from above. Two demons were scanning the ground, probably tracking her smell, but the first one she'd hurt still had the seraph blade deep in its shoulder.

For a second, Grace glanced at the terrace of the manor and she caught sight of him, sitting like a king on his throne.

He was enjoying the show for sure, and Grace wanted to finish it as soon as possible. She took her attention back on the demons, and they got closer to the thorns. A crazy idea formed in her mind, and, since she had nothing else to bet on, Grace went for it.

She drew some Balance and Agility rune on herself and jumped on the first demon, grabbing the blade and pushing it deeper in its flesh with all the momentum she got from the fall.

The demon disintegrated and Grace, with the seraph blade in her hand, turned to face the second one. The creature tried an attack that she avoided jumping back and, moving her arm in a swift arch, she cut off its limb. The demon shrieked and Grace, carefully avoiding the ichore, launched herself forward and pierced the demon's face with the blade.

The second demon disintegrated, too, and Grace took a moment to breath, but she immediately got suspicious. The fight hadn't been called off yet.

It wasn’t over.

A few human steps reached her, and Grace turned around. A tall and broad-shouldered man was in front of her, holding a knife. Grace immediately took her own dagger and threw it to the man, piercing him in the forehead with a precise movement. The man immediately fell, blood spilling from where the knife had sunk in his skull.

For a few seconds there was only silence, then Grace heard claps from the terrace.

"Bravo!" a man's voice shouted. "That was an amazing show."

Grace turned to him and she felt her hate burning as a flame.

He was smiling, a smile that was just hidden by a short beard. He wore his glasses, that hid partially his violet irises, and his hair was so long that it was tied. He stood with no problem, but Grace knew perfectly that he needed a cane to walk.

In his most elegant dark blue tuxedo, Christopher Lightwood, the person she hated the most in the world and whom she dreamed to kill in a painful way every night, kept his grin as she regarded him with a spiteful look.

He was looking at her from above, as to remind her of their social stranding, and he moved a hand in the direction of some servants. In a moment, they produced a ladder that Grace climbed to find herself in front of Mr. Lightwood.

She didn’t need to keep her hatred under control, because she knew he hated her just the same, if not even more. He had organized this encounter just to entertain himself, like an emperor who enjoyed the gladiators games back in Ancient Rome.

Grace, though, knew he would have never let her die: in his wicked mind, she would just escape her fate through death, while he wanted her to keep suffering while she was alive. That didn’t mean that he would have cared if she got severely wounded.

"Since when do you kill Downworlders?" Grace asked him.

Mr. Lightwood just shrugged.

"That werewolf was a traitor of his pack. His alpha asked me to get rid of him."

"You could have killed him in thousands of ways and make it look like a natural death," she replied.

Grace knew well the boundaries between what she could say to him and what, instead, would cause her a painful punishment, and this was something borderline to say.

Mr. Lightwood, as she hoped, took it as a compliment.

"I could," he agreed, showing his grin that Grace had learned to hate. "But it would not have been so entertaining."

Grace looked at him with as much resentment as she could, but didn’t dare to say anything.

She just followed him, who walked on a cane because he limped on his right leg, inside the manor, though perfectly polished halls where, sometimes, demons could be spotted. Once, years ago, Grace had asked him with arrogance if all the Lightwoods had an unnatural passion for demons like Benedict did, and Mr. Lightwood had punched her on the face with such force to break two teeth. It had been worthy, though, to see his scandalized and furious face.

Grace’s room―or cell, as she liked referring to it―was in the basement, and Mr. Lightwood took her there personally. A few years ago, servants used to take Grace back to her room, but when she'd killed one and tried to escape, Mr. Lightwood had started doing it himself. He knew that she would never dare attempt to kill him.

The worst thing, he was right.

Grace was too scared to do anything impulsive, and at the thought of rebelling to him she still felt the pain of the scar on her face. Her mind immediately took her to the moment when the blade had cut her forehead and it had gone down her face to her chin, and she lived again, like it had happened yesterday and not years ago, the burning pain and the terror to have lost her right eye―which, for some kind of miracle, had not been too deeply damaged and in a few months it had recovered.

And so, Grace could only express her hatred in a non harmful way, never to do anything against Mr. Lightwood.

He stopped when they arrived in front of her room, and before Grace could open the door, he lifted his cane and she went rigid. Mr. Lightwood, though, just studied the stick for a moment before turning his attention to her.

"You have fought well earlier. Maybe launching yourself from the thorn plant had been a little too reckless, but it was amazing to watch."

Grace didn’t say anything. Looking at her fighting demons was one of his favorite ways to entertain himself with her, and she didn’t want him to think that she enjoyed it.

I would like to pierce you with a seraph blade like those demons, she thought.

Mr. Lightwood, though, never let her keep any weapons because he wasn’t stupid.

"The stele," he said, showing her the palm of his hand.

Grace gave it to him and went to her room, closing the door on her back as Mr. Lightwood locked it from outside. Letting her heal herself after the fight would be something too generous for him.

That night, though, Mr. Lightwood didn’t know that she had a meeting. Actually, Grace herself wasn’t sure that it was a good idea going there, but the message had had her full attention.

I can give you a chance to get the thing you desire the most.

It was obviously a trap, in the best case a terrible bargain, but…

She wanted Mr. Lightwood dead and she was ready to pay whatever price for it.

Grace waited patiently for the night; just accepted the dinner meal that a servant passed her from an opening on the bottom of the door, and she counted the hours until she was fairly sure that Mr. Lightwood would be asleep. She took a dessert knife she'd hidden years ago under a loose floorboard and she used it to unlock the door of her cell, and then Grace walked silently towards the gates of the manor. The Silence rune had faded hours ago, so she could only try to be as stealthy as possible in her escape.

She climbed over the gate and ran towards Hyde Park as the cold of the night struck her. Grace hadn’t anything in her room that could help her face the cold of the night, and only the street lights guided her through that moonless night.

Once she arrived at the meeting point, she said, "Show yourself, I am here."

A man appeared in front of her. A Seelie, Grace acknowledged.

"Our Queen wants to see you, Grace Blackthorn," he said.

Grace hesitated for a moment. Was it the right choice?

Then, she thought again about Mr. Lightwood and the flame of her hatred blazed again at new life.

"Show me the way."

She followed him through a hidden passage and suddenly Grace found herself in the Seelie court. There was a spring-like warmth that immediately calmed down Grace's shaking body.

The man guided her to the Queen's quarters, and in her presence Grace immediately kneeled.

"Your Majesty, I have accepted your invitation," Grace said.

The Queen studied her.

"I want to propose a bargain."

As Grace expected. She’d never expected to be handed what she wanted for free, but she was curious to know what the Seelie Queen wanted in exchange.

"I want to hear you out, your Majesty."

The Queen looked pleased, and gestured to Grace to get up.

"What do you know about universes and dimensions?"

Grace blinked twice, confused.

"Have you summoned me to talk about philosophy?"

The Queen laughed, but Grace recognised no joy in it. Mr. Lightwood laughed in the very same way.

"No, I am talking of something more concrete," the Queen said. "What if I told you that there is another dimension, a place where things went different from here, and where you are engaged to Christopher Lightwood?"

Grace bursted out laughing. She couldn’t stop herself, even though she knew she was disrespecting the Queen, but the situation described by the other woman was just too absurd. Mr. Lightwood and herself engaged? Grace had to stop another access to laughter.

But…

The Seelie couldn’t lie.

She looked at the Queen, who didn’t seem to be upset or scandalized by Grace’s lack of respect. She still had her calm and quite bored expression that Grace associated with immortal beings.

"I can show you," the Queen said, gesturing to a wall of leaves at her left. Grace got closer to it, and when the Queen moved the leaves away, she found herself staring at a scene that she would have never believed possible.

Grace saw herself, younger and with no scar on her face, talking and smiling to a guy. She almost jumped: even though the boy had no beard and his hair was much shorter, Grace recognised Christopher Lightwood. He smiled and had a kind expression, and Grace needed a few moments to remember that once, almost a decade ago, Mr. Lightwood had been a kind and smiling boy, before he became the man she hated the most.

She stared at the scene in horror as she watched herself reaching out and kissing Mr. Lightwood, as a ring shone on her finger. The Lightwoods ring.

Grace, for a moment, thought about what Mr. Lightwood would do to her if she even accidentally touched his family ring. Probably, he would cut off her hand straight away.

"What―what does this mean?" she asked the Seelie Queen.

"This is an alternative version of this world, where some people have made different choices and the outcome is totally different," the Queen said. "This dimension is a few years behind us, though. If I am not wrong, it should be 1904."

Eight years behind, then. That was why herself and Mr. Lightwood looked so young.

As she stared at the other dimension, Grace was stuck by an idea.

Who could help her best in killing Mr. Lightwood, if not Mr. Lightwood himself? The boy of the other dimension lacked eight years of experience, but she could work with that.

"I will allow you to go to the other dimension," the Seelie Queen said. "As long as you will do something for me when the due time comes."

Grace understood that the other woman knew exactly what she was thinking, and that it was the reason why she showed her the other world. And from the Queen's gaze, Grace could tell she knew her answer before she spoke.

"We have a deal. I will do whatever you ask me if you let me go to another dimension."

[studentofetherium]

Which ships are you surprised aew so rare on AO3? Do you think its due to a disparity between fanfic fans and other parts of fantom? Or maybe the ships are some times hard to write

i mentioned it before, but Mahiyoko's representation on there is pretty weird because it's like... one of the most pushed relationships in the entire series, but it only has 500 fics on AO3 (we're speaking in relative terms, considering how big the DR fandom is)

of those 500, only 400 are tagged as f/f. so their presence in those 100 fics is so minor that the author didn't think it needed to be tagged. sorting for english fics and excluding crossovers + explicit brings it down to 340

limiting it to completed fics brings it down to 150. this might seem like an odd thing to do, but most of the fics that the pairing is used on are ongoing fics, many of whom had one or two chapters published before being abandoned, or are tagged with things that haven't appeared but the author plans to have appear (if they don't abandon it), or chatfics or the like

so 150 fics that actually focus on them and aren't porn. except not quite yet, because of those 150, a lot will still only have them as a side pairing. it's harder to sort down from here, but another 50 fics are also tagged as m/m so in those cases, they will likely at best be sharing the limelight with one of DR's myriad much more popular boys ships. this also leaves out f/f fics where another ship may take priority over them, as well as one-shot collections where they are only one of many ships included. when i did this with stricter criteria a few years ago, i came up with less than 100 fics

i think people just hate Hiyoko

[simpleellegance]

The First Drop of Rain

Hi, this is my fanfiction called First Drop of Rain, its a twilight fanfic but i changed quite a few things. I give cannon the old yeller treatment if you know what I mean... anyway this is the prolouge and the first chapter, as of this moment (6/9/23) I have written 58 chapters and 158,515 words. Chapter 58 will be going up on 6/11/23 on the three sites I already post this fanfiction on. that would be Wattpad, Fanfiction.Net, and ao3. It is located on those sites under the name “The First Drop of Rain” and my username is the same there as it is here. SimpleEllegance (yes that is elegance with two L’s)

This is certainly not my first fanfic and it certainly won’t be my last. I plan on eventually posting all of the fanfiction on here but as of right now it is just these two chapters. (because 58 chapters is a lot for one weekend if we are being honest.) If this piques your interest just know that the writing only gets better because I wrote these two chapters over three years ago and never edited them.

Not to toot my own horn, but *toot toot* my main character, Arabella, grows as a person in the actual story. In the beginning she holds some similarities to Bella because they were childhood friends and had similar families. By chapter four I begin to show you the numerous ways she is different from Bella.

Read to find out more ;)

ps the pov changes to first person after the prologue.

Prologue

In a basket, naked, wrapped in a blanket, peaceful and soundless with a small pink note and a white rose lying beside her, a newborn baby sleeps unaware that she lies on the doorstep of the local precinct. Her name is Arabella Viviana and she was about to change someone's life.

When Arabella was found, the rain had dampened her skin and the chill of the night had made her nose icy cold. Officer Swan picked up the basket and stared in shock. It was his first week back after his own daughter had been born, and here lay a child no older than her, abandoned on the step of the Forks police department. Officer Swan brought the small child inside, and looked at Officer Jacks, both men completely flabbergasted at the idea of the tiny child lying in the basket.

•••

Officer Derek Jacks and his wife Gwen took the small girl in, seeing as Gwen could not have children herself. That little girl was showered in love and raised alongside Officer Charlie Swan's daughter Isabella. The girls became fast friends, and once they began school, also played with a reservation boy named Jacob. The three children were as thick as thieves always wandering the woods behind Isabella's house, playing in the tide pools of LaPush, and even playing hide and seek in the police station after school on Friday's when Gwen Jacks needed a babysitter while she worked a late shift at the diner and Renee Swan needed to go to the grocery.

Isabella was always so clumsy, tripping over her own feet, and Jake was always there trying to make sure she was okay. Little Arabella however was interested in the hiding, running, or spying she could do during their fun little games. She wasn't much of a klutz, but she did have her moments. When those moments happened were they drastic. Like falling from the tree she had climbed high into just to find out how high she could go. These three friends spent every waking moment they could laughing and playing, entire photo albums were made by Gwen Jacks and given to Isabella' and Jacob's mothers.

When Charlie and Renee divorced later, Isabella moved away, and Arabella only saw Jake on the days when Charlie, Derek, and Jake's dad Billy got together to watch the game. Jake however, did not hold the love for the little redhead Arabella as he did for the beautiful brunette Isabella.

In the years to come after Gwen Jacks was killed in a car accident, Jake and Arabella got close, bonding over the loss of both their mothers.

"I know it's hard." He said softly into her hair as she wept, her head laying against his shoulder. Her shoulders were shaking so hard he could barely hold onto her.

"She's gone." Her voice was ragged as she pulled away and began to wipe her face. "She's gone Jake and I'll never have her back."

"Ara... I..." Never had Jacob Black been at a loss for words.

"I know." She sniffled, leaning against him; they both sat on the wooden floor in Arabella's house. Through the archway into the dimly lit dining room around the table sat Billy Black, Charlie Swan, and Derek Jacks. They all wore varying shades of black suits, Derek holding a glass filled with scotch, Billy a beer, and Charlie the keys. Slowly Ara began to drift, playing with a loose thread in her black dress. When she woke again, she found that Charlie was covering her and Jake with a blanket.

"Sorry Ara... go back to sleep hon." He crouched down and sighed. "I'm gonna walk your dad up to his bed, and then I'm taking Billy home."

"What about Jake?" Ara asked, feeling his soft breath making his chest rise and fall.

"It looks like being here is what he needs most. His sisters are taking care of a couple things anyways." Charlie patted her shoulder and stood again, wheeling a drunk Billy from the room.

That was two years ago. Ever since that night, Arabella's life has not been the same.

Chapter One

"Arabella Jacks?"

"Present!" I raised my hand and straightened my binder. I heard the door click open, and as my gaze drifted upward to the visitor, I opened my notebook and grabbed my pencil.

"Sorry to interrupt." The principal had stepped into the room. With him were three strikingly beautiful students. "We've got some new students this quarter. Please make them feel welcome." He smiled and then handed Mrs.Cloud a file of papers.

"Very well. Go ahead and find seats." Mrs.Cloud smiled kindly to the three new students. "Class, this is Rosalie Hale, Emmett Cullen, and Edward Cullen."

My eyes followed in order of their stance, ending with the one named Edward- and instantly I was stuck with a flabbergasted feeling.

He's so just asjdfklsjheoaha. Sweet baby Jesus.

"Now I will have you three books in just a moment. As for the rest of the class, please begin your essays of Shakespeare's 'Midsummer's Night Dream' . I expect the rough draft by the end of the hour." Mrs.Cloud continued, and the new kids moved forward and took seats across the room.

I placed my pencil slowly on the paper, and watched the bronze haired boy as he took his seat beside me. "Hello." I whispered, flashing a small smile. "My name's Arabella."

"Edward." He whispered back, keeping his eyes to the desk.

What a nice name. Very prince-like.

"Well Edward, would you like to borrow my book? I've already finished the essay." When he shook his head I just sighed lightly and began scribbling the Cinquain poem for extra credit. "Well if you need it... it's here." I mumbled lightly, doubting he could even hear me.

You're just annoying him. Chill out.

After the poem was finished, I had drawn a scene at the bottom depicting Lysander's betrayal to Hermia. When the hour was finally over, I stood, walking over to the three new kids, and smiling. "Hi. I've already introduced myself to Edward, but I just wanted to say hi to you two, my names Arabella, if you guys need anything just ask! I'm happy to help, and I wanted to be the first to officially welcome you to Forks High! You're going to enjoy the next four years in these halls... well I hope." I quickly, and quite literally, bit my tongue to stop myself from the rambling I had already begun down.

Wow I'm so stupid. I thought, they probably already heard all of this and now I'm just that weird girl who said something. Stupid. I sighed and looked at them with a smile.

"Well thank you Arabella." The other boy said with a smile. "I'm Emmett, and this is Rose."

"Oh I love the picture!" Rose said as her eyes found my open notebook.

"Thanks... I'm kinda big into English, so I like to do the extra credit work. Mrs.Cloud always posts what the extra credit requirements are in the corner of the white board." I smiled as I then ripped the page along its perforated edge, saving myself from any annoying paper poop, and dropping it into my hour's homework bin.

"That's awesome." Rose smiled, then grabbed Emmett and Edward's arms. "We've got to get to our next class, but I hope we'll get to talk later!"

"Absolutely!" I felt like duh an idiot, they were welcoming but probably because they had to be. I walked from the room with my hair creating a red tinted veil between my face and the hallway. Slowly I pushed it back and walked to my locker, jiggling the lock aggravatingly until I heard a voice behind me.

"Do you need help with that?" I spun around and saw a girl with a brunette pixie cut and an awkward blonde boy.

"Oh! Uhh yeah thanks." I stepped back awkwardly and told her my combination, with a few quick spins and a sure pull she popped it open. "It must have been caught."

"Must have." She said with a grin before side stepping two lockers and jiggling it open. I rifled through my locker looking for my science book aggravatingly, eventually sliding my foot onto the bottom and hoisting myself up to look in the top of my locker. My eye caught it and I reached forward, losing my grip and falling backwards, fear raked through my body until my back crashed into a cold hand, my own hands still reaching out for the locker like I was mid fall.

"Be careful." The awkward blonde boy said with a clenched jaw.

"Oh. Thanks." I said sheepishly, righting myself and turning to look at both the students beside me. "I'm Arabella by the way. I don't think we've met."

"Oh! I'm Alice and this is Jasper!" The brunette with the great fashion sense hopped forward. "It's nice to meet you Arabella." She grinned an amazingly bright smile and grabbed Jasper's hand.

"It's nice to meet you!" I clutched my book to my chest and twitched my fingers reflexively around the softened edges of my journal that I both wrote and drew all over in. "Um, welcome to Forks High!" I took a quick guess that they were new, because I had personally met every person in the school. It was the perks of having a father on the police force and a dog on the K-9 unit.

"Oh thank you!" Alice said happily, and pulled herself close to Jasper, wrapping her arm around his and holding onto his bicep. "We have to get class but I hope to see you again!" She pulled Jasper away and I felt so embarrassed and ashamed, knowing I had probably annoyed them, but then an overwhelming feeling of confidence washed over me, but drowned just as quickly as it came. Quickly I rushed to my class, falling into my seat and seeing no sign of the new kids. I sighed inwardly and opened my science book, the notes from the previous day fluttering down along with the pages of the book. I eyed my red pen and began to doodle along the edges, just tiny doodles, nothing all too large, just something to fill the empty margins.

As each class passed my fear of embarrassment ebbed away slowly and I found myself entering the lunch room with hope to offer them a seat at my lunch table, maybe I could introduce Alice and Jasper to Emmett, Rosalie, and Edward. Excitedly I entered the line to the salad bar, smiling at the lunch lady who was refilling the sunflower seeds. "Looks delicious today." I grinned, holding the foam plate in my hand gingerly.

"Yeah. Whatever." She rolled her eyes and walked away, Carol was always such a bitch.

After I got my small salad as my stomach rumbled, I sat down at an empty table. My friend Gaia slammed her food down and flopped into the seat beside me. "Carol is a bitch." She said as she ripped open the top of her orange juice.

"Yeah. Fuck Carol." I laughed, nibbling on my lettuce apprehensively.

"She told me I wasn't allowed to have tomato soup!" Gaia slammed her hand on the table. "I HAD TO GET CHICKEN NOODLE!"

"Uhmm... Gi, you're allergic to tomatoes... and you threw up your own blood last time you had it." I put my fork down after eating only half the lettuce leaf.

"That's besides the point! She could have let me eat it and enjoy the rest of what my life has. If it was my time to go then it was my time to go!" Gaia burst out in a fit of laughter, holding her stomach as she did so.

"You're such a loser Gaia." I chuckled, shaking my head. Taking a sip of water I glanced around. "Have you seen the new kids?"

"Oh yeah! That Alice Cullen girl and Jasper Hale are in my second class." She said, slurping a noodle up in her mouth quickly. When I heard their names I felt instantly stupid. It wasn't some huge coincidence that they all started the same day, a Wednesday no less, they must all already know each other. "Oh there they are now." She mumbled, a bit of broth rolling down her chin and making me feel sick. I spun around and saw all five of them enter the cafeteria and look over the land. Catching Alice's eye, I beckoned her over.

"Hey come sit with us!" I spoke happily, waving them over and pushing my salad away, ignoring the growling and emptiness in my stomach.

Sure enough Alice began to drag them over, and they all took seats around the table, each one varying levels of mystery. "Arabella- right?" Emmet said with a dashing smile.

"Oh! Yeah! You can call me Ari though, everyone does. And this is Gaia, but everyone just calls her Gi." I sipped the drink in front of me and smiled.

"I really love your name." Rosalie said, pushing her blonde locks aside and whispering something that sounded just as a buzz of noise to Emmett beside her.

Her name is so much prettier. Mine isn’t even super original.

"Oh! Thank you." I spoke awkwardly and capped the drink. "So What brings y'all to the cloudiest and rainiest place in America?" Very few people actually ever moved here, they only ever moved away. I studied each of them. They all were so flawless, each looked at the room like they had nothing left to see, but everything to experience.

It was Edward who spoke up, his eyes had been flicking between Gaia and I before they settled on me. "Our adoptive father is the newest family doctor at the hospital."

Damn what a gene pool- wish I could relate.

"That's awesome, my dad is a police officer in town, and Gaia's mom is the fire chief." I turned to look at Gaia, who was shoveling chicken and noodles into her mouth.

"Yeah!" She swallowed hard and smiled, putting her spork down and picking up her stuff. "Hey, Ari, I gotta go. Yearbook emergency. I guess all of the senior quotes re-arranged themselves and every time they fix it and save it, it defaults back into the page with the wrong quotes."

"Oh my god!" I sat up a little, staring at her. One of the last things the yearbook needed was a mob of angry seniors.

"Yeah- Uhmm just stop by after school, I still need those drawings too by the way. That way we can make sure it stays formatted properly." She smiled apologetically as she threw the bag over her shoulder and pulled out her phone. "It was nice to meet you- I'll be in touch with all of you soon." She ran off, emptying her tray and throwing it to the cart where the dirty ones were placed.

"She'll be in touch with us?" Emmett said with a laugh, looking at me for answers.

"Yeah, Gi is a one woman power house. We're freshman and she's already the student council president, editor and chief of the yearbook and the school news, and teaches the fire safety classes at the elementary once a week." I laughed, pulling my red hair around to one shoulder. "She means she's going to talk to each of you for a 'get to know me' in the newsletter, and so she can possibly recommend extra curricula around the school."

I bet they would all get the best ones. I just get the "keep being you" bullshit.

"That's really cool." Emmet responded with a smile. "What-" he was cut off by the sound of Edward coughing. Edward mumbled something quickly under his breath and Emmet seemed to almost have understood.

"What?" I asked, now genuinely curious.

"What is something you would recommend around here?" He said happily.

"Oh my friend Jake and I always go to Lapush beach and surf, Jake lives on the reservation." I explained excitedly. "It's honestly one of-"

I was cut off when Jessica walked over. "I'm sorry, is she bothering you?" Shrinking down I just desperately wanted to disappear. "Sorry she's such a spaz."

"What?" Edward looked up suddenly, his eyes fierce. Tears welled in my eyes and I cast them downward.

She's right. I'm awful. I'm too weird. Why do I even try?

"Yeah she totally is depressed for attention." She snorted and moved closer to Edward. "You could do better."

What is she even talking about? I'm just trying to be friendly. I just want to be nice. What have I ever done to her?

"Leave." Rosalie said with a growl. "Now." Emmet grabbed her arm and whispered into her hair as I hid behind mine.

I wasn't sure what happened next but Jessica was gone and Edward was sighing. "Don't listen to her. She's more insecure than you could imagine."

"No, it's fine. I'm fine." I lied. I felt like I had been broken in half, but I pulled the tears back and blinked them away, looking up and pushing my hair behind my ear, grabbing my drink quickly and taking a large swig. "Nothing I haven't heard from Jessica." I shrugged and began fiddling with the edges of my jacket. "She's usually way meaner honestly." I mumbled, hoping they wouldn't hear me.

"She's just jealous." Jasper spoke up, giving a quick, quirky smile. He had the faintest of accents that reminded me of an old Western movie.

I snorted and crossed my arms. "I highly doubt that. She's got Mike fawning over her like crazy." With a quick motion I plucked a single cucumber slice from my plate and took a small bite. My stomach rumbled quietly and Rosalie looked up.

"I'm so sorry if we are keeping you from eating!" She pushed my plate towards me slowly but I pushed back reluctantly.

"I'm not hungry." I smiled.

I'm starving.

The lunch period went on, eventually ending with me getting to know the family in front of me better. On my way to my next class Edward caught up to me. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Yeah I'm good, why wouldn't I be?"

"Just what Jessica said back there. It was just..." he sighed heavily. "You're not a spaz." He added humor to the words, but there was something deeper. Almost like he knew every word from Jessica's mouth affected me.

"Well thanks." I laughed, flipping my hair behind me as it tickled my face. His eye caught something, drifting to my upper arm.

Oh my god he's noticing I'm a peasant and not worth standing near him. Shit. Act normal!

"What's that scar from?" He pointed to the jagged and thick scar just above my elbow.

"Oh I fell out of the big tree by the police station when I was little, and broke my arm really badly." I laughed and smiled with triumph. "But I climbed it again a few days after I got my cast and succeeded. I could see half the town from where I got. It was amazing, I was higher than you could imagine."

"Haha, I bet your mom wasn't too happy about that." He joked as we pushed our way around the corner.

Oh fuckery of the highest. When did that happen... wait.... shit.... Bella was gone already. Shit.

"Um, actually my mom had already died. Car accident." Casting my eyes downward I chewed my lip nervously.

"Oh, I... I'm so sorry for your loss."

"It's fine, it was a long time ago and I had Jake... the same car accident killed his mom too." I held my books tighter, feeling that pit in my stomach filled with sorrow. "Let's change the subject. It's getting too sad." A smile popped forward onto my face.

I'll be damned if I cry in front of him.

"Oh okay!" Edward laughed at this point. "Wait, what's your next class?" He said as he neared a door.

"This one. American history isn't my favorite, I like the world better but I just have to wait I guess." I said with a shrug.

"American history is a lot more detailed than you would think. You just have to look past the common core stuff." He said as he held open the door for me.

Such a gentleman, why can't they all be made like this.

"Well thank you." I ducked under his arm, not like it took much ducking, being short has its perks. Once in the room I turned to look at him. "I'll warn you right now, don't sit next to Collin. He's gonna cheat off you even if you get worse grades than him. Chronic cheater that man."

In more ways than one.... assbut.

"Noted." Edward chuckled.  He walked over  to the teacher, and I slid into my seat in the back of the room. Pulling out my notebook I began drawing distractedly. I looked up when movement caught my eye. The empty seat next to me had been filled by Edward. There was only one empty seat in this class, I realized, and it was the one next to mine. "Well I'm not next to Collin." Edward joked and thumbed through his history book.

There is a god.

"We're covering Spanish influenza and its effect on America right now." I smiled, opening my own book. "Chapter seven."

"Oh... really?" He asked, surprised.

"Yeah, Mr.Hughs is huge into the economic facts of history." I said with a smile and laugh.

Eww that laugh was awful. Like Satan himself just crawled out my throat. Shook.

"Well then." He laughed and opened his book to the page, pulling out his paper and pen and began writing. His writing was the actual embodiment of beauty. I looked at my own chicken scratch and crinkle my nose.

Once the class was done Edward and I parted ways, eventually I had stepped into the yearbook room, smiling at Angela as she stepped from the dark room holding newly developed photos. "Hey. I heard Jessica gave you a hard time... I'm sorry... if I had been there she wouldn't have said anything."

"No it's fine Angela, you were dealing with the emergency just as much as Gaia was." I smiled and glanced at the photos. "Those are really good."

"Thanks! I can't wait to see them with your sketches formatted behind them!" She excitedly walked over to the table and began to sort them into piles of what pages and sections they belonged to. Once I found Gaia at her desk, I took in the look of it. She had a larger desk, and it was littered with pictures, and reprinted pages of the seniors and their quotes.

"I don't understand Ari." Gaia said when she saw me. "It's fixed on the computer but when I print it it's jumbled again." She rubbed her temples and started at the page.

"Use it to your advantage then."

"What an advantage. It's a mess. They are never going to let a freshman have power again, let alone me." She groaned and took a drink from a Starbucks coffee bottle.

"Here let me see." I grabbed a paper and pen, and sketched rough boxes and made squiggles where words would be. "Do this then." I slid the paper to her and she took it in.

"Oh my god. Ari, that's ingenious!" She stood quickly and scrambled over to the group who was working on the senior pages. I heard her explain it and turned around to me. "You just saved the yearbook. I'm going to put a front page dedication to you in the newspaper tomorrow. 'Hometown hero turns school savior!' Yeah that'll work." She laughed and hugged me tightly, she was half a head taller than me, but it wasn't awkward at all.

"You really don't have to." I said, smiling at her, only now could I take in the full effect of how much stress this had caused her. Her deep brown hair was pulled into a messy bun on top of her head, a pencil shoved into it, and her shrug's sleeves were shoved above her elbows, where eczema sat red and irritated and brought forth by stress. "Here's the drawings." I said as I pulled a folder filled with 205 different drawings. "I threw in a couple alternates, and you can rearrange them however you think they fit best. Oh!" I pulled out another paper filled with little boxes with intricate designs. "And for borders you can use this!" I smiled happily and zipped my bag back up.

"Thank you so much!" She handed the drawings off to Angela who smiled excitedly and started thumbing through them to figure out what would go best where. "You want to hang out after I'm finished here? Shouldn't be much longer."

"Actually Jake and I are going to LaPush to surf. The swell is supposed to be amazing." I smiled and began to pull my hair up in the bun it would remain in.

"Okay! Well you and me are on tomorrow night- I want to watch a movie and eat some popcorn!"

"Deal." I smiled and left the room, heading home on my bicycle and ditching my school clothes for my swimsuit and surf shirt, and putting jeans and a jacket over it. Leaving my stuff all over my bed I slid my phone into my pocket, grabbed my board and my bag to shove my clothes in, and off I went. I dialed my dad's number, leaving a message for him of where I was going and when I would be home. I poured food into Maddie's bowl so she could eat as soon as she got home, and I snagged some water for myself.

I was outside the moment Jake and Billy pulled up, throwing my board in the back and climbing up into the truck. "Hey loser." I said with a grin, staring at Jake. "When you gonna cut your hair? Them locks gonna be longer than mine." I said in a nasally voice, mocking one of the elderly we had ran into when we went to the movies last week.

"Ari, you're crazy." Jake said with a laugh as Billy chuckled, taking off. "Dad is going to drop us off at the Clearwater's house, he has tribe stuff to do so we are going to have to walk to the beach."

"Okay!" I said happily, looking out the window as the scene I had known and loved my entire life flew by. By the time we reached the Clearwater's we had Billy laughing so hard he could barely breathe. Lady Gaga's poker face came on, and the combination of Jake and I screaming the lyrics at the top of our lungs in funny voices was too much to handle.

"Okay don't be too late kiddos." Billy said as he was helped into the house by Harry Clearwater. I stopped to wave at the ten year old Clearwater boy named Seth who was watching through the window excitedly.

"We won't, I already called my dad too." I smiled and pulled my bag on my shoulders and grabbed my board. "When are you, Charlie, and my dad getting together for game night again?"

"I'm not sure, but I hope it's soon, they just have their hands full in the sheriff's station." He called me before the door shut.

"Did you year Riley Biers got arrested for loitering?" Jake asked, looking at me with a smile, he knew I used to have a huge crush on Riley when we were younger, I had always looked up to him in awe and glory.

"Wait, he got arrested for it!?"

"Well he had a joint and a beer bottle in his hand but yeah, the initial thing was loitering." Jake laughed and I shoved him a little.

"I'll race you to the beach." I said, jumping suddenly and smiling.

"Oh you're on!" Suddenly we were in a full out run, laughing and screaming.

I won. I got to the beach three paces ahead of Jake, both of us panting, we crashed onto the ground and began to pull off our outer clothes, the swimsuits underneath. "Hey how about next week we do a bit of cliff jumping?" I asked with a smile, Jake and I had a strange relationship, we were like brother and sister, but we also were best friends. He and I constantly challenged and pushed each other.

"Sure!" He said, jumping up and grabbing both our boards. I was busy shoving our clothes into my bag, so Jake carried them to the edge of the water. "Ready!?"

"HELL YEAH!" I went running and grabbed the leash at the end of my board, putting it around my ankle and into the water we went. It was bone chilling cold, but I didn't care, the further in we went the more my board would float and hold me from the churning icy waters. Soon Jake and I were catching waves left and right, whooping and making jokes.

"CAN'T READ MY- CAN'T READ MY- P-P-POKER FACE!" I yelled at the top of my lungs and laughed as I went down the wave. Suddenly I got caught in a rogue wave and all I had to do was scream for Jake before I was under the water, my lungs burnt, I felt my board swing up and hit my back, and the next thing I knew the water was red, my leg stung and my vision was fading.

any updates to this fic on THIS WEBSITE (not the ones it is actively updated on) will be posted on my blog under “The First Drop of Rain” page. You can find that page as the source for this post.

[julietkirsh]

Hi! Just dropping by this secondary blog to post fanfics and such, hope you enjoy 'em!🎶

As said in the description, I'm currently writing for Bungou Stray Dogs, Jujutsu Kaisen and Attack on Titan, but who knows what'll happen from now on?

(probably the same things I've been doing since forever)

If anyone's interested, here's my AO3 profile: julietkirsh

More about the works you'll see there under the cut!⏬️

Attack on Titan

The Sound of Grief (posted on March 15th, '22)

The first and only Gallirei fic I have ever wrote, it consist of three chapters and it's complete (one of the veeery few that met their conclusions💀).

It is set before the events of the narrative arc that is currently being shown in the anime, and contains minor spoilers from much older manga chapters.

It is about finding a kind of fleeting solace in relations dictated by loneliness and grief, and the inevitabe emptiness that follows.

When the Sun Went Down on Us (last updated on November 22nd, '22)

This is meant to be a long one, and even if it's been months since I've last updated it, I have still intention to continue it up to the end (I have posted two chapters out of approximately twenty eight in total, so it's going to be a slooow journey) and I also have many chapters already planned out, so it's not completely abandoned!

This one is full of spoilers since it's canon compliant and also set after the end of the manga, so I don't recommend it for those who would prefer to avoid them⚠️

The main couple is Reijean (I think the official ship name is this one, but I'm not entirely sure yet) and both of them present a good share of difficulties and traumas while dealing with the horrible thing that life can sometimes be, so the story is full of angst to say the least.

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Bungou Stray Dogs

The Fate Of Traitors

Dazai dies, and Chuuya has a hard time processing his unspoken feelings and mourning altogether.

Or at least, this seems to be the plot, or is it?

Basically my mind exploded and decided that this story needed a plot twist and also Meursault, overall it came out full of angst, death, blood and other incredibly happy things.

It's Called: Freefall (posted on January 6th, '23)

Inevitably Soukoku, this one shot has its own conclusion! It's pretty short and full of thoughts about delicate matters of life and death, and it is inspired by the song that gave it its title.

Nothing more to add, there are spoilers from the early seasons of the anime but nothing too severe.

How to Rip A Heart Apart (last updated on January 26th, '23)

Also Soukoku, it is a multichapter story (nothing longer than five chapters in total) and I've already begun to write the second one, so it will see the light, eventually. This one contains spoilers from both the main story and other spinoffs, but they are all listed in the summary.

It gets pretty graphic and violent, the main characters tend to act like assholes in this one (as if they usually are slices of cake😅) and lots of people get unalived.

Angst everywhere and also some canon compliant inaccuracies (you'll find them in the first chapter which I think I'll revise and correct sooner or later) but overall it is going to be lighter than my other stories, or at least I hope so.

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Jujutsu Kaisen

In Dreams

My first jjk AND stsg fanfic, written by tears and hurt alone, it is set a few months after the infamous events of volume 0.

It mainly focuses on Satoru, burdened with the neverending task of holding the whole sorcery world together but still incapable of letting his past go once and for all.

He finds shelter in his sporadic dreams, in the long lost image of a youth that will never return, until he can't help but mix up reality with what his sleeping self begins to perceive.

It all goes downhill from there.

[obscure-reference-girl]

Masks & Misunderstanding Chapter 6

Pairing: Pavel Chekov/Leonard McCoy

Warnings: Swearing

Word Count: 4743

Summary: Leonard thought that a nightclub where you had to wear a mask was idiotic, but he humored Jim and accompanied him to the club during shore leave anyway. After Jim fucked off into the crowd of dancing bodies without so much as a ‘never you mind’, Leonard went looking for him and found something unexpected. Meet unexpected: sexy, young, blonde...and if he reminded him a bit too much of a certain Russian navigator he wasn't going to linger on that thought.

Chapter Summary: Leonard settles into being Pavel's friend...or at least he's trying his best...he swears.

AO3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/45899593/chapters/117117565

Author’s Note: Alright Ladies, Blokes, and Non-binary folks, are you ready for some fluffy crack? This was entirely too much fun to write. It is ridiculous and self indulgent, but isn't that what fanfic is for?

It turned out that it was a lot harder to be someone’s friend when you knew what your cock felt like pounding into their ass. Or, at least, it was for Leonard McCoy. The smallest gestures-that had seemed perfectly innocent before-were now laced with sex and tinted with desire. Had he really never noticed the way that Pavel bit his lip while playing chess? He had certainly watched enough matches between the lieutenant and their captain and first officer. He had even played Pavel himself a few times though lord knew that Len was no great shakes at the game. Pavel demolished him every time, little Russian chess genius. It seemed like that was how everything was going these days, Pavel just plowed through his life like a tractor reaping the season’s harvest and leaving a path of destruction and nothing but Pavel in its wake.

He could have pined in peace if he hadn’t known that Pavel was, at the very least, attracted to him…cared for him. Knowing that there had actually been a chance made him feel like a Denebian Slime Devil was slowly eating his heart. The more time he spent with Pavel as ‘friends’ the more Leonard realized just how stupid he had been. Pavel didn’t need his protection. Len was really just trying to protect himself from getting abandoned again. He was such a fucking idiot. He had lost his chance and he wasn’t going to fuck up one of the only friendships he had just because he had finally come to his senses.

So he steeled himself to be just friends with Pavel, to be the best friend Pavel had ever had. Pavel deserved that. But lately it was getting more and more difficult to stick to his guns. Leonard had agreed to help Pavel get his field medic certification for away teams which meant that they were spending more time together than ever. This was great on the being a good friend front, but it wasn’t doing wonders for Len’s sanity. Today he and Pavel had agreed to meet for lunch and then Jim had given Pavel the rest of the afternoon in sickbay.  

When Leonard reached the mess hall, Pavel was already sitting at a table in a secluded corner. His arms were folded on the table with his forehead was pressed into them and he was muttering to himself, his adorable accent even thicker than usual.

“Meester Chekov do zees, Meester Chekov do zat. I cannot do zat! Nobody can do zat! It’s not possible.”

“You have to stop performing miracles Pahsa,” Leonard said as she slid into the seat next to him. He slapped Pavel on the back.

“Bones is on an away mission, but I need a chief medical officer.” Pavel said, doing an imitation of the captain. “You visited medbay once didn’t you Chekov? Good, you’re my new CMO.”

Leonard snorted at Pavel’s reference to his brief stint as Chief Engineer.

“You did great.” He said.

“Mister Chekov, did you break my ship?” Pavel continued with his imitation. Leonard laughed again.

“Well you hadn’t actually broken it, in the end. You kept Scotty’s jury rigged engine room from falling apart and no one died. I’d even go so far as to call that a success.”

Pavel laughed and rolled his head to the side, looking over at Len.

“You have a pretty low bar for success Leonard.” Pavel said. Len just shrugged.

“My best friend is Jim Kirk. No point in setting the bar too damn high.”

 When they arrived in the medbay a half hour later, Christine had an equipment requisition file she needed Leonard to sign off on so he asked Pavel to wait in his office for a few minutes. When he returned, Pavel was seated in Leonard’s chair with his heels kicked up on the desk and was rummaging about the drawers.

“What are these?” Pavel asked, pointing to the contents of a drawer. Leonard peered over the desk and broke out in a conspiratorial grin.

“Oh those? Those are my stress balls.” Len explained.

“I have never seen you with a stress ball before,” Pavel observed.

“Oh no, I don’t squeeze them. I throw them at Mr. Spock and the Captain when they come to bother me. Great stress reliever.”

Pavel laughed. It was free, and full, and sent shivers down Leonard’s spine.

“Anyone else I would think is joking,” Pavel said, shaking his head. “But you would just actually do that.”

“Yeah, yeah, come on, let’s get to work.” Leonard plucked a stress ball from the drawer and chucked it at Pavel’s head. It bounced off and Pavel laughed again as he pushed himself up to stand and followed Len out into the medbay. Leonard walked them over to a biobed and leaned his hands onto it. Pavel rested his hip against the other side and crossed his arms, slightly cocking his head at Leonard.

“So what’s on the agenda today Professor McCoy?” Pavel asked slyly, dragging out the word professor.

“Have you gotten to the chapter on emergency medicine without a tricorder?” He asked Pavel, already knowing the answer.

“I’ve gotten through all of the chapters.” Pavel replied.

“Of course you have, Pasha” Leonard said despairingly. “Well, I was thinking that today we could cover some basics for dealing with breaks and sprains if your equipment craps out on you.” Leonard jerked his head at several bandage rolls. “Lord knows you tinker with medical tricorders and dermal regenerators enough to already know your way around them.” Leonard slapped a hand on the biobed. “Hop on up.”

Pavel turned and placed his hands on the bed behind him, pushing up to sit on it. He swung around so that he was facing Leonard and propped one foot on the biobed so that he could rest his chin on his knee.

“Playing doctor now, are we?” Pavel asked coyly. He gave his eyebrows a shrug and smirked at Len, adding, “Kinky.”

“Just take your damn shoe off,” Len grumbled. “Sock too. And pull up your pant leg a bit.”

Pavel did as he was told, but his eyes were still twinkling with mirth as Leonard grabbed a long bandage strip.

“The most common injury you’re liable to deal with is a sprained ankle.” Leonard explained, determinedly not looking at the smirk Pavel was still wearing. He grabbed Pavel’s foot and began demonstrating the proper technique to wrap it. “You want to keep the ankle at about a ninety degree angle. Start with two passes around the ball of the foot…” He explained. As his fingers slid up Pavel’s ankle Pavel jerked.

“Do I need to tie you to the table,” Leonard growled.

“Is that a threat or a promise…Doctor?” Pavel replied, putting heavy emphasis on Leonard’s title.

“Oh it’s a promise, all right. Apparently I have to gag you too.” Leonard said. It was something he frequently threatened to Jim, but to Pavel it was addressed in a much more teasing manner. With a lurch of his stomach he realized that he was-there was no other word for it- flirting with Chekov. He gave himself a mental head slap and continued explaining the procedure.

 This pattern of flirting continued over the course of the next few weeks as they made their way to deep space three for routine maintenance of the exterior hull. Pavel would flirt with Leonard. Leonard would flirt back. Leonard would do complex mental gymnastics to convince himself that it was casual and harmless. The knowing looks from Jim weren’t helping this last bit.

Speaking of Jim, it seemed like he found every excuse to smash Len and Pavel together like they were tiny ceramic figurines he was telling to kiss. He sent Pavel down to sickbay with unnecessary reports, asked Leonard to join him and Pavel in the mess before quickly making an excuse to leave, and he had even instituted a mandatory senior staff game night for “team building”. Somehow Pavel and Leonard were always paired off or seated next to each other and Len knew that Jim was behind it.

When their game night coincided with their first evening docked at deep space three, it was no exception. Leonard and Pavel were sitting side by side on one of the couches in the rec room. The senior officers were playing charades tonight and somehow Pavel had drawn Leonard’s name. Scotty was teamed up with Spock which Leonard thought was sure to be amusing and Sulu and Uhura were also paired up which he found to be completely unfair considering they were two thirds of the three musketeers, Leonard having the remaining third for his partner. Jim, naturally, was presiding which meant that the prompts were getting progressively suggestive as the evening wore on.

Uhura had just somehow correctly guessed “bouncing on an exercise ball” from Sulu’s haphazard squat bouncing that looked very much like he was bouncing on a dick. This meant that Leonard and Pavel were miraculously were tied with Uhura and Sulu. While it had been positively hilarious to watch Scotty and Spock try to guess that the other was “swatting a fly on their ass” or “milking two cows at the same time”, they hadn’t been particularly successful.

“Tie breaker!” Jim announced. “Pick your fighters!” Leonard didn’t like the delighted look on Jim’s face.

“I’ll do it,” Pavel told Leonard. “He’ll have a much harder time embarrassing me.” To be fair, he was probably right.

Pavel and Nyota joined Jim and read their last clue. Nyota shot Jim a disparaging look and Pavel swallowed hard. Leonard was about ready to smack Jim upside the head.

“Alright,” Jim said turning to press a button on his digital hourglass. “Time starts….now!”

If someone had asked Leonard what he was supposed to be doing during the ensuing fifteen seconds he wouldn’t have been able to tell them. His brain seemed to have temporarily left his body. When it returned, his only thought was that surely Jim wouldn’t have actually used whatever obscene act it looked like Pavel was trying to perform.

The only reason the round was so short was that Sulu was swift with his answer of, “Eating a popsicle, Jim you fuckhead!”

Nyota ran back over to Hikaru and gave him a high five, while an exasperated Pavel returned to sit next to Leonard.

“Come on Leonard! That one was easy!” He cried.

“That?” Leonard spluttered. “That was obscene!”

“I was eating a popsicle!” Pavel exclaimed.

“You are not allowed to eat popsicles ever again.” Leonard said.

“Why Len, did that bother you?” Pavel said, drawing out ‘bother’.

“Oh, shut up.”

  The morning of the last day of repairs Leonard was stuck in a corridor arguing with Spock over lab equipment. Spock wanted to borrow several liters of biofluid for an experiment and Leonard insisted that it couldn’t be spared at the moment.  Len was just about to tell the hobgoblin that he could live long and get fucked when Pavel strode purposefully down the corridor. He walked right up to Leonard who had been momentarily speechless, tracking Pavel’s movement. Len parted his lips to greet him, but never got that far because Pavel fisted a hand in the front of Len’s uniform and dragged him into a searing kiss. For several moments Leonard’s brain short circuited as it tried to process the fact that Pavel was kissing him.

“My birthday was today. I’m twenty, not a teenager anymore.” He whispered against Len’s lips before quickly turning on his heel and walking away, seemingly unaffected. Leonard, on the other hand, was very affected. His lips felt hot and tingly. His skin felt too tight. His brain was a foggy mess.

“I…uhh…I…” Leonard spluttered.

“Your speech seems to be impaired doctor.” Spock supplied helpfully. “Might I suggest a visit to Nurse Chapel?”

“Y-yeah that sounds like a good idea,” Leonard mumbled. He turned in a daze and began making his way towards the med bay.

  Leonard had been heading to the medbay anyway when he had run into Spock that morning. He did not, of course, actually take Spock’s advice and speak with Christine. He didn’t need help to parse out exactly what had him thrown. He had kissed Pavel Chekov. Or rather, Pavel Chekov had kissed him. Leonard had been too astounded to do much kissing back. Mostly he had had just stood there like a dumb lump, too shocked to so much as form a single word. Len had been thinking about kissing Pavel since the night at the club.

It had been his biggest regret, even before he knew who he had been with, not knowing what the other man’s lips felt like. Now he knew and it was driving him to distraction. He made his way through his shift in sick bay distracted and inefficient. Christine had certainly noticed-she kept elbowing him in the ribs when he spaced out.

   Jim caught Leonard as he was leaving sickbay later that afternoon.

“Hey Bones,” Jim began and Leonard braced himself for it. Spock must have told the captain about the encounter in the corridor. “It’s Chekov’s twentieth birthday, you know.” Okay, not what he had been expecting.

“I’m aware…” Len started cautiously.

“So we’re going down to the station to celebrate,” said Jim, slapping him on the upper arm. “There’s a bar that does karaoke.”

“Karaoke,” Leonard said incredulously. He didn’t quite want to believe what he was hearing.

“Yep,” Jim said, popping the p. “Karaoke.”

“No,” Leonard said shortly. “Not happening. I’m a Doctor, not a lounge singer.”

“Aw come on Bones. Pavel wants you there.” Jim whined, giving Len his best puppy dog eyes.

“Damn you Jim Kirk,” Leonard griped. “You’re going to pay for this one. I don’t how and I don’t know when. But you are going to pay.” He said, emphasizing each word.

Jim just laughed and told him, “Meet me at the transporters, twenty hundred hours.”

             At eight fifty, Len changed into a pair of black slacks and a dark-blue, button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He met Jim at the transporter room and Jim gave him a quip about “forearm porn” before they beamed down to the station. The bar was only what would have been a couple of city blocks from the station transporter platform. When they arrived, a small group of people was already gathered by the entrance. Pavel was there, of course, along with Sulu, Uhura, Scotty, Christine, and surprisingly Spock. Jim plowed through the group and asked a waitress for a table.

The bar was dimly lit, with a depressed section of floor in the center scattered with round tables and their accompanying chairs. A small stage was located at one side of the depression. The surrounding elevated area housed the bar itself and standing tables. The waitress led them down three small stairs into the depressed area and sat them at a table near the stage. A female Andorian was singing, quite badly, as her friends laughed and clapped a few tables over. Jim ordered a round of drinks for the table as everyone situated themselves around it. Then he turned to face them all.

“Thank you everyone for coming.” Jim said, the king presiding over his court. “As you all know, our favorite navigator turned twenty today. So we’re here to get him properly drunk and sing very badly!” There were a few laughs and appreciative claps. “Now, as a little birthday present I’ve asked Pavel to choose everyone’s songs.” Now there was a chorus of groans.

“You better not screw me over Pasha!” Sulu exclaimed, using the nickname reserved for close friends. Pavel just laughed darkly. He wasn’t giving anything away.

The group talked and laughed as they drank, half listening to whatever wailing happened to be emanating from the nearby stage. Pavel has ended up sitting between Nyota and Leonard and Len was trying to figure out just how accidental the frequent brushes of Pavel’s knee against his own were. They were a couple of drinks in when the first person from their group was called up. Sulu took the stage tentatively, clearly uncertain about what song Pavel might have selected for him. The dulcet tones of Creep by Radiohead began and Sulu gave a happy laugh. Pavel smiled indulgently.

“I went easy on him,” He said. “This is his go-to karaoke song.”

“You mean you nutters subject yourself to this on a regular basis?” Len asked. Pavel laughed and waved him off as they returned their attention to Sulu. He really wasn’t half bad.

Scotty was up next with a hilarious rendition of Walking On The Moon by The Police. His accent made it positively ridiculous. By the end of the song, Nyota’s head was on Pavel’s shoulder and she was shaking with laughter, tears in her eyes. Pavel himself looked like he had received the best possible birthday gift and Leonard suspected that Scotty would be hearing renditions of the song ringing through engineering for weeks to come.

Scotty was followed by Christine, who had entirely too much fun singing Cindy Lauper’s Girls Just Want To Have Fun. She wasn’t good, exactly, but what she lacked in talent she made up for with enthusiasm.

Leonard’s own name was called next and he made his way up to stage cautiously. Jim gave him a wolf whistle and Len shot him a death glare. He took hold of the microphone gingerly, like it might be diseased, but laughed when the music started and he recognized the song. That little bastard!

“Really?” He yelled at Pavel in mock outrage. “Really? I told you that in confidence.”

“Come on Pav,” Len could hear Jim demand. “You didn’t go with country?”

“But why would I miss the opportunity to share Len’s affinity for The Beach Boys with you all.” Pavel replied, his smirk evident in his voice.

Leonard was glad for the two shots of tequila in his system as he started singing Kokomo. He made it through the song without incident, unless you counted Jim doing an exaggerated parody of sexy dancing incident which at this point in his life Leonard did not. Len did snort into the microphone when Christine smacked Jim on the ass, but otherwise he managed to keep a straight face. As he returned to the table, the next singer was announced. Or rather singers as it turned out.

“Nyota Uhura and uh…Mister Spock?” The MC announced. It looked like he was bemusedly trying to figure out if Mister was actually Spock’s first name or alternatively why the hell someone would be announced at a karaoke bar as mister anything.

“Hey! Why does Spock get a duet?” Leonard demanded, punching Pavel in the arm.

“Because I took pity on him.” Pavel replied with a shrug.

It turned out that the duet was Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler. Nyota, of course, sounded fabulous. Spock could sing too, but he looked immensely relieved that his requirement was minimal. When they returned to the table he gave Pavel a nod. “You are a good man Mister Chekov,” He said. Jim burst out laughing and almost missed his name being called.

When he did finally take the stage it was for a raucous display of Take on Me by Aha. Much like Christine, Jim compensated with showmanship and ludicrous dancing. It didn’t matter that he couldn’t hold a tune, by the end of the song the entire bar was clapping and cheering.

Jim gave a dramatic bow and returned to the table with a shit eating grin. “I had them save the best for last.” He informed them just before Pavel’s name was called.

Pavel walked up to the stage with a confidence that was likely in part to a generous amount of vodka, but also seemed to be a natural self-assuredness. When he was standing behind the microphone Leonard finally really registered what he was wearing. Pavel was wearing an impossibly tight black t-shirt with a low V-neck and tight black pants tucked into black boots. With his tousled curls falling every which way over his forehead he looked like one of the edgy rockstars Leonard had a thing for as a teenager.

When Pavel started singing Leonard didn’t immediately recognize the song. He did, however, notice that Pavel had the voice to match his look for the evening. It was low and soft, a little bit edgy, and sexy as hell. Leonard started to register the lyrics and shifted uncomfortably when he noticed their sexual nature. When the chorus started he was finally able to place the song, I Touch Myself by Dyvinyls. Sweet baby Jesus.

Jim flashed Pavel a mega-watt grin and double thumbs up before turning to Leonard.

“Don’t you just love this song Bones,” He said with a smirk. Leonard wondered momentarily if Joanna would forgive him for killing her Uncle Jim.

“You knew about this,” he hissed threateningly at Jim.

“Sure did!” Jim hooted happily. “Work it Pav!” He hollered towards the stage.

Pavel was certainly “working it” as Jim said. The majority of bar’s occupants were watching with rapt attention as Pavel sang and danced across the stage. He looked like sex on a stick. By the time he neared the end of the song, Leonard’s pants were uncomfortably tight and his nails were digging viciously into his palms. He felt like he may have forgotten to breath for the past several minutes.

            “Ohhhh, I don’t care ‘bout anybody else when I think about you I touch myself.” Pavel leaned forward a bit, his knees bending, and shrugging his right shoulder forward as he ran his and down and back up his inner thigh. The whole time, he never broke eye contact with Leonard. That is, until he quickly spun around to face the back of the small stage, still singing into the microphone.

“Ohhhh I don’t care ‘bout anybody else,” he was shaking his ass in time the music and god if those pants weren’t sinful. Leonard almost groaned out loud, realizing they were the same tight leather pants that Pavel had been wearing that night at the club on Iliria 4. Pavel turned over his shoulder to smirk at him before continuing, “When I think about you I touch myself.”

“Ohhhh I don’t care ‘ bout anybody else,” He turned the rest of the way forward and finished with his arm not holding the mike extended, finger pointing right at Leonard. “when I think about you I touch myself.” He gave a dramatic finish, dropping his head back and bringing his hand to his chest, clawing his fingers into his shirt.

           “Ow Ow!” Sulu cheered.

Jim and Christine wolf whistled and Spock gave them a withering look.

Uhura shouted, “All right Pasha, shake that ass!”

Pavel went pink and ducked his head as he returned to their table.

           Leonard shifted uncomfortably in his seat trying to surreptitiously adjust himself. Jim was shooting him knowing looks so he kicked him under the table.

           “Ow!” Scotty hollered. “What was that for?” Apparently he had misjudged the kick.

           “Muscle spasm,” Leonard said with a shrug and an attempt to sound innocent. Jim snorted. Bastard.

           They stayed at the bar for a few hours, ordering snacks and more alcohol. Jim flirted incessantly with the waitress. Several of their group decided to sing more songs of their own choice including Scotty’s rendition of Friend’s in Low Places, Jim and Christine’s Don’t Go breaking my heart, and Sulu and Uhura’s energetic version of Wannabe. When things were finally wrapping up and Jim had paid, Leonard excused himself to the restroom.

           When he returned to the table he found it empty with the exception of Pavel. Len gestured around at the empty chairs in question.

           “Jim insisted on leaving,” Pavel explained. Of course he did. Leonard had his suspicions about Jim’s motives.

“I offered to stay behind and make sure you got back ok,” Pavel continued.

           “Yeah right,” Leonard said, shaking his head. “Like I’m the one from this group that needs minding. Can you even see straight kid?” The familiar moniker slipped out accidentally, but Pavel made no sign of unhappiness and didn’t try to correct him.

           “Leonard, I’m Russian.” Pavel said as he stood up and slung on his jacket. He said it simply, as though it explained everything.

           They left the bar and were walking almost shoulder to shoulder down the station promenade when Leonard decided to challenge the statement.

           “That doesn’t mean you have a higher alcohol tolerance than the general population,” he insisted. Regardless of the fact that you seem to be walking straighter than I am, he added in his head.

           “Oh, but it does Len.” Pavel replied, bumping Leonard’s shoulder with his own.

Leonard stopped and turned to Pavel.

           “You’re ridiculous, you know that?” He demanded. Pavel turned to face him and Leonard was abruptly made hyper-aware of their proximity.

           “Yes I am,” Pavel laughed. “But you know you love it.” He had leaned closer to almost whisper the words in Leonard’s ear. Len shuddered and tried to take a step back, but realized that there was a wall behind him.

           Suddenly Pavel was kissing him again, his hands threading through Len’s hair. And this time Leonard wasn’t going to be a passive statue. He grabbed the lapels of Pavel’s jacket and hauled him closer as he pressed desperately against Pavel’s lips. He slipped his tongue between Pavel’s parted lips and rolled it against Pavel’s own. If the whimper that escaped from Pavel was anything to go on, he deeply enjoyed the sensation. The sound sent a pulse of heat straight through Leonard making his stomach tense and his cock twitch. Growling into Pavel’s mouth in response, he flipped them around to push Pavel’s back against the wall. Len’s hands came to press against the wall at either side of the other man’s head and he returned to his thorough and fierce exploration of Pavel’s mouth. He pressed his body against Pavel’s and could feel the erection straining against the leather pants that hugged his body like a sin. Len ground down into him and Pavel’s hands dropped to Len’s shoulders, nails digging in through the fabric of his shirt.

           Pavel broke the kiss, breathing heavily, and Leonard locked his mouth onto the pulse throbbing in Pavel’s neck instead. “Pasha,” Leonard breathed against his neck. He could feel a shiver run through the younger man’s body. Pavel let out another whimper, and this time it formed the shape of a name. His name. “Leo.”

           The endearment pulled Leonard back to his senses and he drew back slowly, taking in Pavel’s swollen lips and disheveled jacket.

           “We should get back,” He said finally. Pavel nodded reluctantly and accompanied him back to the transporter pad, both of them trying to steady their breathing as they went.

           When they were safely back aboard the enterprise, Len walked Pavel to his room. He lingered, leaning against the wall, his arms crossed. Pavel placed a hand on Leonard’s forearm and Len trapped it under his own.

           “I should be going,” He said, returning Pavel’s hand to its owner.

           “It is my birthday you know.” Pavel said suggestively.

           “Trust me, I’m aware,” Leonard huffed with a laugh. “And right now I’d really like to give you a present to remember, but we’re both drunk.” He sighed.

           “You just have to be the responsible old man, don’t you?” Pavel said despairingly.

           “Hey, I am an old man.” Len responded.

           “Obviously not that old,” Pavel said in reply gesturing towards Len’s obvious erection, unaffected by the copious amounts of alcohol. Leonard laughed at his brazenness.

           “I guess not.” He said. “But yes, I do have to be responsible.”

           “I know,” Pavel sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face. “It’s part of why I love you.”

           Leonard froze, not entirely sure what to make of that. Pavel didn’t even seem to notice what he had said and Len decided it was just the alcohol talking. Surely he just meant that it was a thing that he liked about him (the way Leonard loved how direct Christine was). He watched as Pavel fumbled with the entrance code for his quarters and turned to leave when Pavel was halfway through the door. Len turned back for a second and gave Pavel a small, hopeful smile.

           “Goodnight, Pasha.”

           “Goodnight Leo.”