#i hateee that we isolate when we need the most support

[silentalltheseyearsnomore]

I simultaneously feel like I am functioning well, we've got this, look at us gooooo, it'll all be okay

And

The fucking world is ending and no one knows and no one is seeing (or caring) through the facade I have up again.

I simultaneously feel like no one fucking cares at all. Especially not S (therapist, child parts main attachment figure currently) or even L, MY main person (as an adult part).

And

S is literally doing SO MUCH for you outside her job title, and you have fucking shut down WhatsApp and ignored all messages from everyone else including L you complete lunatic how can anyone show care if you are running from it???

And I know it all makes sense on one level. Some of us ARE functioning so well through this crisis/mess/fucking stressful time. But some are so distraught and so lonely and so hurt and have no safe place to take their pain, to be held. Yes there's little bits and pieces. But not enough. Not even close. And we have to be so small even there. So quiet. Don't scare anyone away with the trauma. Be good. Do well. Don't need anything. Or you'll be even more hurt and alone. So it's just easier to ignore everyone and look fine because I know they can't give us what we need. Can anyone? Can I give it to myself?