#i hate when my brain refuses to brain like a brain

[oblique-lane]

Do you have any faverite tf2 ships? I'd love to hear ab what draws you to them and your own sort've view on what dynamics would be in play!!

Yes actually thanks for the ask!

There were supossed to be pictures but Tumblr straight up REFUSED to put them correctly! Anyways:

(Trigger warning for abuse + suggestive)

These are the ships I care about. It's kind of hard to put them in a top but I'd say...

Sniperscout is my all time favourite? Maybe I'm not running on walls about them, but they are secure and comfortable, I return to them when I'm tired, they're like a loved one waiting for me at home, not asking for much, just caring for what's already there...

I also somehow view them as the most realistic pare lore-wise; not the comics but my own lore interpretation (don't ask, I'll never shut up. It's in my fanfic if you're interested). I like them as cross fraction a lot because there's 2 cool variations for shipping and 2 for interesting non-romantic bond! Pepsicola... Colapepsi...

Red Sniper x Blu Scout is gentle and caring. It starts with the "enemies are forced to cooperate in secret because they found out about THE THING™ (Clones) and they have no one else to turn to", they bond over their traumas and open up the way they've never opened up to their teammate counterparts.

Blu Sniper x Red Scout... Is violent. Toxic yaoi If you will. But it's also tricky in an existential way and I don't think I can wrap it up so simply.

Red x Red is "I know you are deeper than this but okay", Blu x Blu is "Is THAT what you really are? I feel like I've never knew you"

Okay enough babbling, moving on.

Medicscout. Oh boy. I've been going crazy about them lately and it's turning somewhere a little shameful even. They are not in any way realistic for me, they are more like, um, a side fun.

I ONLY like them when they are extremely unhealthy, grooming-like, sadomasochistic, painful, and mentally dirty. Dead Dove Do Not Eat, of course. I HEAVILY identify with Scout in whatever scenario he's in (either groomed with attention to the point he starts ignoring his body, or just consensually masochistic because torture is attention too or maybe there are unaddressed feelings that lessen from being tortured). I don't know why Medic would want to torture him though but that doesn't matter right now. I just want to experience this torture on myself but I can't, so Scout is my vent vessel in this.

I want to feel bittersweet from this ship, sadness with relief, pain with guilt, itching deprivation etc. Recently I've read a good fic about them and it messed up my brain chemistry, I can't shake it off... My telegram followers know exactly how crazy the situation is.

Ehem.

Pyrospy is purely @/fresh-tomatogogi 's fault!!! Their arts are just SO GOOD they restructured my brain chemistry too...

Just..!! The whole almost biblical thing about them?? Or rather, lack of holiness, just pure fallen human-like arthouse... The way they are crazily obsessed with each other over their isolation and loneliness, it crosses all the lines and limits, it turns violent, it turns sexual!! They are both assaulting to each other. Thanks to respawn. They are trapped in this hell.

I love how Pyro is very age-regressed in their mind and most of the time doesn't understand the degree of the things happening. But sometimes they do, and they know, and they feel it... They can be dangerous and terrifying too, Spy is also constantly either in fear or in perversion. They hate each other so much it makes them violently erotic. They feel so bad they confuse all their feelings, dissociate, and laugh. Truly hell. This reminds me if the most doom inducing books and movies I've experienced.

I also like Pyro as a woman.

Scoutpauling is something you're probably familiar with. It's simple and sweet: it's a het couple where they are both loveable idiots, flustering and laughing awkwardly out of their crush, but other than that they respect each other very deeply and they are ready to do their absolute best one for another. They care. They are gentle. They are also badass because they work together at Killing People With Guns® but after the job, they both act almost like teenagers, they are both very inexperienced with romance.

They also come to understanding that romance is mostly a social bullshit with those rules that are supposed to make you and your partner happier, but in reality they don't really work. They learn that social norms kinda suck and express themselves to each other in their most comfortable way. Nice.

Aaand I don't really like Sniperspy. Idk, it doesn't really click, it feels strange. People usually make them look like "two hot men rivaling" but that didn't suit either of the characters in my vision...

They are not complimentary at all, even if it may look like they are opposites that attract, they are not. They are actually uncannily similar in their core. Both avoiding their true selves, hiding under the masks of "better men" and seeing your own flaw in another person is what makes you hate them deeply. But this hate is one dimensional and not tasty. They can't help each other, they don't work in my eyes.

I also find it kinda funny that Sniper is basically Spy's son's age and Spy must be aware of that lol. Not problematic or anything, just with the vibes its -40% from seriousness, are you really gonna hangout with your son's school friend? Come on.

No hate on sniperspy linkers thought, your arts are beautiful and you're free to do whatever you want, don't look at it as a disapproval or a threat or whatever.

Yeah hope that helps???

[kronofobia]

Random time twins headcanons, because yes

Kinda angsty

-> Acronix copes with trauma by making fun of it/joking about it. He tries to mask how he actually feels. Krux, on the other hand, has a hard time hiding how hurt he is, so tries to distract himself from the pain.

-> Acronix used to call Krux "old man" when they were younger, making fun of Krux being only three minutes older than him. After being separated for forty years and Krux became an actual old man, Acronix stopped using this mockery name.

-> After they reunited, Krux became extremely protective of his brother.

-> No matter how hard he tries, Acronix just can't fully understand how difficult his absence was for his brother. Thus, he doesn't understand why Krux is so protective of him when he's a full grown adult.

-> When Acronix finds himself a significant other (whoever you ship him with), Krux becomes quite frustrated and picks on his brother's lover a lot. Acronix, of course, doesn't tolerate it and stands up for his partner. And this is the point where Krux finally snaps and yells at Acronix how he isn't willing to lose his brother again. Especially not to something stupid like love.

-> Taking revenge isn't the only reason why Krux wants to go back in time. He wants things to be specifically the way they had been before he was separated from Acronix. This is also one of the reasons why he hates technology so much (besides the fact he has a hard time handling change). Every single modern gadget reminds Krux the years he spent without his brother. That's why only Acronix can convince him about technology being useful. Sometimes.

@kyokittymeow

[topaziraphale]

"Stop saying Crowley won't help Aziraphale in S3 he'd go back to him in a HEARTBEAT and nothing would stop him" I get it no one likes the idea of Crowley being bitter after what happened for a long period of time but like can we at least acknowledge that he's currently going through probably the most emotional pain in his life since falling? Can we agree that he's opened his heart entirely - something you couldn't pay him to do unless the world is literally ending and he's desperate - to Aziraphale, and got shot down? Can we understand that he did it AGAIN only to lose Aziraphale again? Not that what Aziraphale did isn't without Crowley's own shortcomings (hiding the truth of Heaven's cruelty from him) but like,,,,

The appeal here isn't Scorned Crowley Doesn't Love Aziraphale Anymore, or Never Wants To Help Him Again, the appeal here is Crowley learning enough self respect to not just walk back right to Aziraphale like nothing happened after Aziraphale has had a pattern of consistently refusing him. Going years ping-ponging between "We're not friends I don't even know him" to "That's what friends are for right?" and "We're friends, why would you even say anything?" and "Friends? We're not friends. We are an angel and a demon!"

Like I get it, Crowley is a heartbreakingly forgiving person. Of course he's gonna forgive Aziraphale, I'll be surprised if he didn't forgive him by the time he walked out the bookshop door, but gdi he could at least grant himself the luxury of being at least a little irritated for longer than however long it takes to make a globe and some books float and angrily cry out to God in his flat. But due to the change of pace and dynamic that is establishing part of the conflict for Season 3, I just really like the idea of him for ONCE prioritizing himself and being like "Okay, fine. We'll get back at it when you're ready, then," instead of just taking Aziraphale back like his words and actions meant nothing to him, when clearly they have an effect on him.

What is Aziraphale going to learn if Crowley just accepts what he did so quickly, like he always has the entire time they've been friends? Idk maybe I'm just projecting too much darkness on their dynamic but I mean, if the pattern of Aziraphale pushing Crowley away/disrespecting him one day and then being fine with his friendship the next + Crowley never stopping to be like "Hey, that's not cool, at least give me a little credit" or smth was fine all along and will continue to be fine in the future, then why, after 6,000 years of being friends and loving this demon, can Aziraphale still not accept that Crowley is just fine the way he is, and instead got excited to promote him to an angel in a heartbeat once the opportunity presented itself? You can't blame all of it on Heaven when Aziraphale has demonstrated his free will/defiance to Heaven so many times. Or, I don't know, I guess maybe we can? Maybe I'm just craving too much angst to the point where I'm letting it cloud my analysis of canon. Idk.

[starry-bi-sky]

i have... ✨Danyal Al Ghul Headcanons✨ but specifically for my yaelokre danyal oneshot

There's also the tumblr post here but I recommend the link in the title because its the ao3 version, and that one is edited and has some stuff in it that's not in the tumblr post, and will be the version I'm using.

So for summary: this Danyal is also from a Demon Siblings Au where Danny is five years older than Damian. However, things turned out a bit differently, and Danny and Damian had a fantastic relationship with one another. Danny loved music and regularly came up with songs to sing to Damian with. Specifically the folk band Yaelokre's EP "Hayfields" (seriously go fucking listen to it its sooo good. Harpy Hare is the second song but its my favorite. Special shoutout to @gascansposts for introducing the band to me)

He falls off a train when he's twelve and Damian is seven while the two of them and Talia are on mission. He ends up with magically induced amnesia and wakes up in Arkansas while the Fentons are on their yearly Divorce-iversary visit to Aunt Alica, and since he can only remember his name, he ends up being taken into their care.

---------------

Yaelokre Danny has the same facial scar as Things in Threes Danyal, since he was initially another version of him where things turned out better. I'm debating on whether or not I should take it away however, and give him a different scar (maybe from when he fell off the train?), just because the scar is a pretty key identifier for Ti3 Danyal.

-----------------

Danny frequently visits Aunt Alicia in Arkansas! Well, only after he gets settled in and stuff. He doesn't really like the city that much and prefers the countryside where Alicia lives. I know she lives in a cabin but I'm changing it to a farm, so she puts Danny to work and gets him to help her.

I don't want to confine his hobbies to only being star stuff, because people tend to have more than one hobby and I feel like it reduces him to one-dimensionality, so he likes to garden, and learns guitar. His room becomes filled with plants, and he turns their roof into a rooftop greenhouse right below to OPS Center.

He has a complex relationship with the weapons from his past, but he's not... like... appalled by it? When he finds his weapons in the Fenton attic all he thinks is that they're his weapons, and he starts carrying a knife on him afterwards. Essentially he becomes fascinated with weaponry because its one of the few physical ties he has to his past, and while he's not training like he is in the League, he allows his strong muscle memory to guide him through his katas.

Danny likes climbing things. This causes Problems For Everyone Else.

----------------

Danny was not the "kinder Al Ghul" in the League. His kindness extended to his brother and family, and that's it. To everyone else he had high expectations out of them, and the pride you'd expect from the grandson of Ra's Al Ghul and trained by its top members. While he wasn't like, unnecessarily cruel or anything, he wasn't merciful either.

This transfers post-train fall as him coming off as no-nonsense and unforgiving. He's not fond of the idea of giving people second chances, and is skeptical of the idea. He's disgusted by incompetency and views it as an unforgivable offense, especially if he thinks that the person should know better, although he's not sure why. Some egocentrism for the soul.

He doesn't like being touched by anyone who isn't family, and gets irritated when anyone grabs him or holds onto him for extended amounts of time. Dash has gotten hit so many times. With Jack Fenton's tendency for abrupt physical affection, it doesn't make it any better. I'd argue it'd make it worse because Danny doesn't want to be touched more often than not.

------------------

Danyal had a red scarf in the League that he wore on his last mission, it came off before he fell off and caught itself on the roof. Damian still has it and took it with him to Wayne Manor. He's got it locked in his room and takes it out when he's alone and missing Danny the most. One time he forgot to put it away before leaving his room, and Dick was visiting the manor for something and found it. Damian found him holding it and freaked out.

Dick could only say "I've never seen you wear this, Damian, this is really pretty--" before Damian shoved him to the floor and stole it out of his hands, before screaming at him; "Don't touch this! You don't ever touch this! This is mine! You hear me!?"

It caused such a commotion that the rest of the family present came to see what the fuss was about, and Damian kicked them all out of his room. Dick is the one brother Damian's the closest with, so the fact he reacted so strongly shocked them all.

This is likely what leads to the "Danyal" conversation.

[spicyrottingbrains]

I was going through the buddie tag on ao3 for the first time in a little over a month looking for a good fic (I've been in a little but of a reading slump because all the mistagged fics were messing with my head so I took a break from it and only read buddie fics that ppl recommended on tumblr and fics from my other fandoms). And guys I just came across not one but two fics with a eddie diaz bashing tag. I never thought I'd see the day. Ohmigod. All the hen chim and maddie bashing tags were bad enough and I had them filtered but god this random dude really did bring wayyy too much eddie hate into the buddie fandom of all things. Also why are they tagging buddiee if it's not happening. If it's an eddie or buck pining fic then atleast say that it's one sided or use the prerelationship tag(if it applies) instead of tagging the relationship tag. The amount of mistagged fics pisses me off so much.

[puppyeared]

adhd comix

[ichorblossoms]

I WOULD LIKE TO ASK QUESTION ABOUT OCS IN FACT 🤲 how was meeting yarrow for the first time like for grimm? and reverse? i love them and how tender they grow together so dearly

HELLO THANK YOU FOR THE ASK AND THANK YOU IN GENERAL EHEHEHEEEE they are eating at my brain all the time <3

OKAY so a vague timeline of honeybee's three main parts is here BUT there is a (not actually secret) part 0 that is how they first meet. i want to include it in the story but i'm concerned telling a story like this

might get a little confusing for people so. we shall see

i DO have my reasons for wanting to tell it this way and also p0 is a single scene. but also i might combine it with p1 idk. it's a mess, i'm a mess

anyways at this point grimm is ~18 and still pretty freshly out of their whole "i was a bodyguard/scout for the people who destroyed everything i loved for several years because i fell in love [was manipulated by] the family's young heiress when i was vulnerable and also a child"* ordeal and now making a living for themself being an outlaw. it travels from town to town and takes on odd jobs, mostly recon stuff because it's very good at sneaking around. also having a robot dog designed to jam signals and camera feeds helps

*this is A Lot. i know it sounds edgy as fuck, but a consistent source of conflict in this universe is how people in power (those with a lot of money in this case) consistently fuck over everyone else and each other for the sake of more power/a perceived advantage/money and grimm is a victim of that to a more extreme degree than most

grimm takes a job that involves getting some sort of intel out of the offices of a medical clinic and gets caught halfway through. they can fight too, so they do get out, but not before sustaining a pretty bad injury to their jaw (originally this was going to be a gunshot, but after doing research i realize that hm sustaining a gunshot wound to the jaw usually requires reconstructive surgery that grimm would not have access to, so i think they were hit with something instead). on their way sneak-stumbling out, they happen across one of the interns in the stairwell, who sees them injured and bleeding and goes "stay right there i'll get something to help you!" because shit, why else are they working at a clinic if they aren't going to help people who are hurt

normally grimm wouldn't stay, fuck that, but it's dazed and possibly concussed, so it does. yarrow (who is about ~19) comes back with some bandages and painkillers, quickly does a quick patch job, and sends grimm off with a "i'm sorry this is all i can do" and grimm gets the fuck out of there

now yarrow isn't stupid, he knew that grimm wasn't supposed to be there, but if he can help, he will help, especially if someone's in pain. grimm wasn't anyone meaningful to them at that point, and i think that whole ordeal is something that occasionally crosses their mind in the next ~3 years before they cross paths again, but there weren't any severe consequences to their actions (if any, still dunno if they got caught) nor was their life really under threat, so it wasn't any more shocking than someone coming in to the clinic with a severe injury

ON the flip side though, grimm cannot stop thinking about this. it has encountered so little kindness in the previous ~6 years of its life that a total stranger helping them out is inconceivable. now, grimm will save its own hide first and foremost, so it doesn't stick around, but this whole incident leaves it with a sense of being indebted to yarrow, whose name they don't even know at that point. nothing it would go out of its way to act upon, but this "i owe my life to that stranger" thing it marvels at from time to time.

so, when the two cross paths ~3 years later in a different clinic in a different city, grimm feels compelled to at least get yarrow out of there before shit goes down; they've graduated to working riskier jobs with teams of outlaws instead of alone, so it's very much a "you saved my life, i'll save yours back and get you out of here and we can part ways for good" situation. or, that's what grimm tells itself :)

bonus pt0 grimm and yarrow designs hehe

[layalu]

WIP Thursday

got tagged by @greypetrel, @shivunin, and @daggerbeanart over the last couple weeks (thank you guys sm, even if i didn't post anything hjkfsdjdf) <33 Haven't gotten around to drawing much lately, but here's some WIP shots of the current prototyping progress, to hopefully motivate myself to work on it more x'D

I didn't make any of the models; my "main" job is doing textures but i've also been doing most of the engine work that isn't related to gameplay or game logic or Actual Programming, i.e. building the level and all that stuff. Honestly a lot of the work is just learning and trying things, cus this is my first time working with Unreal properly :') Textures are supposed to be stylised but i don't have the time to do proper hand painting, so i've been messing with filters in Substance to try n get something decent lol. Helps that most of the level will have dim lighting which makes everything look less blurry and more coherent xdd

tagging anyone who hasn't been tagged yet and has something to show off! :]

[whump-n-comfort]

when you read a fic that gives you a hyper-specific whump scenario that you know would either A.) take forever to find in another story or B.) hasn't been written at all so the obvious conclusion is that you have to write it yourself

[izzy-b-hands]

Putting on last year's trans rigs stream from Drawfee before i have to get ready to go out with my mum and her bf today (bc i have the worst feeling in my gut he's gonna make that An Thing for me if given the chance today, aka whenever i eventually need the restroom while we're at Mystic)

[tiredstressedemotionalmess]

ALSO ALSO the other day i successfully managed to debate politics with my father without crying. this is in fact a win for me

[bittwitchy]

see the reality is i post on my rps usually when nobodys been there a bit and nobody is probably online, but the mental illness in me keeps saying its bc everyone secretly hates me and i dont deserve love, and when i tell a gov doctor that, they basically just say ‘take your antidepressant’s and shut up’ which is also funny when said gov doctor wont refill my fucking antidepressants in the first place

[atopvisenyashill]

if i did a reread of the walking dead and wrote an essay on how aegon ii and carl are doomed to be the last man standing by their narratives, and what starts out as a sort of cool & nifty super power of always surviving turns into this horrific curse where everyone they know is dying around them & sometimes it’s their fault & sometimes it’s not but either way they can’t ever stop it until they’re sitting at the ending with nothing but their lone daughter to protect but so broken they can no longer connect to her and then their story abruptly ends-

would that be like the Most stupid, nerdy thing i have ever done in my life or

[darabeatha]

/ TAKING ALL OF U GUY'S KIND SUGGESTIONS !!!

[the-everqueen]

the thing is, i can't afford an adult assessment/diagnosis and there's no guarantee i would meet the requirements. but also...what accommodation could i feasibly get? i'm good at course design, at curating assignments, at one-on-one interactions with students. i'm a good writer and a good presenter. but i need at least one hour of recovery for every hour of interaction with people i don't know. i need to be allowed to not make eye contact or smile All The Time. i have a maximum of time i can be "engaged" in planned interactions and after that i need either a buffer (another person, stimulant, non-conversational activity) or the grace to not be socially performative. i need people to be honest with me. i need people to understand how *i* work and work with me, not against me. i need clearly articulated expectations. i need things in writing, because my hearing/memory sometimes glitch. on paper i'm an excellent option for a department, but in person i'm "weird" or "not engaged" or "not a good fit." there is no accommodation that doesn't involve academics questioning their racist, cissexist, classist, ableist biases, and remodeling their whole approach to the job market. which they're not gonna do! so i just have to hope that i can garner enough other things in my favor (an article published, an intervention that seems useful, glowing student evals) so that a department will overlook my "quirkiness" and give me some kind of chance.

[andromeda3116]

look, there are definitely aspects of adhd that are useful, or at least fun (tell me that getting into a hyperfocus groove - no matter how ultimately rough the "waking up from it and realizing that seven hours have passed and it's 3AM" part may be - isn't enjoyable at the time), but most of it just sucks and listen

the "rejection sensitivity dysphoria" part might be the worst