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avintagekiss24 · 4 years ago

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leave out all the rest | c. beck

→ pairing: chris beck x black!reader

→ word count: 5387

→ warnings: 18+ ONLY, smidge of angst, smut, sex, breeding kink, oral sex (female receiving), vaginal fingering, hand job, explicit language

→ square filled: @badthingshappenbingo

flashbacks

→ request: chris beck + breeding kink + "babe, I’m never gonna finish this work if you keep doing that" + "I know for a fact that you can be a hell of a lot louder than that"

→ author note: dr. space daddy is finally here! this is also the first of my 5k celebration fics! all fics will be tagged #5k...holy god. thanks so much for the request @thedarkplume! title from linkin park leave out all the rest (i loveeee this song); line divider by @firefly-graphics; flashbacks are in italics. i also formatted this with the beta text post editor on desktop... so hopefully nothing looks weird and the italics/bold actually work... it is tumblr after all.

oh, hey, there’s a bit of a marvel crossover in this too!

Nervous doesn’t even begin to describe how you feel in this moment. Your stomach hasn’t been settled since you got the call two days ago. It’s been flipping and twisting ever since. Sleep hasn’t come easy either, but you’re used to that. Ever since Chris left, you haven’t slept well. It’s been almost seven hundred and thirty days— well, just three days short.

You follow the two tall military men, decked out in their dress blues, through the secure facility, your black leather combat boots thudding against the tile floors. Everything is white— the walls, the floors, the coats of all the scientists and doctors milling about— except for you and your flowery, thigh length sundress. Dark eyes wide, teeth nibbling on a sore, often bloody bottom lip from all the nibbling, small purse bouncing off one hip as a duffel bag bounces off the other.

Winding through corridor after corridor, pausing as the men lift their badges to keypads to get door after door to click open. An eerie quiet looms throughout the entire building, nothing but random beeps, your breathing, and footsteps.

Nervous doesn’t begin to describe it.

The walk gives you too much time to think about the last seven hundred and twenty seven days. All of the crying. All of the anger— the screaming. Chris trying to calm you down, assure you that they were okay— that he had to do this.

"It’s so easy for you, isn’t it?" You sobbed into the phone, staring up into the stars, knowing that he couldn’t but secretly hoping that he could see you.

"This is not easy for me," he choked back tears, his tongue heavy, "Leaving you is never easy but I have to do this, baby. We have to go back for Mark. We have to."

You didn’t answer his calls for over a week. And when you did, your words were quick and harsh.

"I can’t do this anymore. I’m moving in with my sister."

Chris was silent on the other end of the phone— too silent. He sighed after a while and just said, "Ok. I understand."

That was day four hundred and sixty three.

So you moved in with your sister. Got a job at the local bar, picked up every shift you could, sometimes working sixty, seventy hours a week— just so you didn’t have to think about him. It didn’t work. You’d still stare out the window at night, up into the big black sky and through the twinkling little stars, wondering where he was, what he was doing. If he was thinking about you.

Unbeknownst to you, Chris continued to call your sister. Just to check on you.

Day seven hundred was when two Air Force officers walked into the bar as you were cutting up lemons and oranges. Your stomach, in a perpetual state of tight and sour, dropped to your feet. It’s never good when the military comes knocking on your door.

“He’s dead,” you spit out, eyes watering, chest starting to heave, “He’s dead, isn’t he? They’re all dead.”

When they removed their hats, your hands flew to your face, covering your mouth to muffle the sobs. You just knew they were all dead. Humans can’t stay in space for this long. It’s not natural.

“No ma’am,” the taller, brown skinned man answered, a small smile breaking onto his face, showing off the distinctive gap between his two front teeth, “They’re back in our orbit. They’ll be landing within the next seventy two hours.”

It was a flurry after that. Phone calls, you moving back onto the base, protocol gatherings, interviews with local and national media. None of it mattered. You just wanted to see him— you needed to see him.

Not before his mandatory three week quarantine that is.

Day seven hundred and twenty five is when they called to let you know that he was ready to move onto the second phase of his integration back on earth. Two weeks cohabitating with another person of his choice, just to make sure that his body and cells can still tolerate, you know, earth— and that he doesn’t give off anything that could make earthlings sick.

They called to let you know that Chris chose you— if you wanted to, of course. If not, he could call his sister.

You were packing your bag before the call even ended.

After two days of getting tested for everything known to man, it’s now day seven hundred and twenty seven and here you are, passing through the last set of doors and stepping into a large observatory room. One of the General’s starts talking, but you don’t hear a word. You just blink slow, lips falling open as you stare back at Chris as he stands at the little square window of his living quarters. He smiles soft, running his hand through his short, dark hair before waving and placing his palm on the window.

Tears cloud your vision. Your chin trembles as a sad smile spreads on your face. A sob chokes in your throat and a warm tear streaks down your cheeks. Despite the talking man, you step up to the window and press your much smaller hand on the glass, spreading your fingers to match his. Chris rests his forehead to it and you do the same as you really start to bawl— shoulders shaking, face breaking, breath rushing fast and hard.

"Baby, don’t cry. Come on pretty, don’t— don’t cry."

Chris’ voice is muffled by the thick glass, but just hearing it— so close, so familiar— after so longs it’s just… it’s almost too much. It is too much.

“Ma’am, we can’t let you in there like this. We need you to calm down.”

Dense thuds shake the glass as Chris pounds on it, "Open the door, Sam!"

Sam grabs your bicep, gently, guiding you towards the door— Chris following you both, still talking to you through the glass.

"It’s okay baby, I’m right here. I’m right here."

“We need you to calm down,” Sam starts again, “He hasn’t been around—”

"Sam! Goddamn it, leave her alone! Open the door!"

“Beck! You cool it in there!”

"Don’t be an asshole! Open the door! She’s scared!"

You hear a scoff, “Step back from the window, Dr. Beck.”

"I swear to God—"

“Step back from the window, Dr. Beck.” Sam is stern now, pointing his finger towards Chris.

Sam pauses for a few long seconds, blinking slow but keeping his hand around your bicep— and thank God, because you honestly need it, “I’m going to badge you into the hallway, okay? You take this keycard,” he presses it into your palm, “And put it up to the keypad at the second door after I close this door behind you. It’s only good for one passthrough— once you’re in, you’re in until the medical staff clears you both. Understand?”

The second half of his speech is softer, his thumb rubbing the back of your arm. You like Chief Master Sergeant Sam Wilson. You nod quick, rubbing at your face with the back of your hand, sniffling hard and focusing a shaky breath out through your teeth as you step in front of the door. There’s a loud click and the metal pops, Sam reaching past you to push it open.

Your body, on autopilot, takes three steps to the second door, eyes staring at the keypad on the wall beside it. Chris is still talking to you through the windows, one hand pressed to the glass, the other on the door handle.

"Just a few more seconds baby. You’re doing so good."

There’s another click— Sam closing the door behind you. Water fills your eyes again, emotion choking up in your throat at the gravity of it all. All of the screaming. All of the crying. All of the hating him and loving him and missing him for seven hundred and twenty seven days all culminating right here, right now, while he’s just three feet away from you. The sky used to be the thing keeping you apart— now it’s just a wall. A door— that you can’t walk through.

"Baby, Chris says gently, "Come on baby. Open the door, honey."

You’re frozen. Eyes locked on the keypad, fingers gripping the keycard so hard they start to burn. Open the door, honey takes you back. Takes you back to the day that he told you he was going up— that he’d be gone for a year.

“Open the door, honey. Talk to me.”

“I don’t want to talk to you.” You sniffle, staring at your reflection in the mirror in your small bathroom.

“You knew this was coming. I don’t know why you’re so mad.”

“A year? A year, Chris? I’m just supposed to put my life on hold for you for an entire year?”

He sighs through the door, “I’ve worked my ass off for this, you know that.” You do know that, you’re just being selfish. Needy and selfish, “I know we’ve got plans baby, but it’s just a year. One year and then I’m all yours—”

“Yeah, until the next time you decide to go up there. This is what Melissa warned me about. You get addicted to it.”

“I won’t.”

“You will,” you retort, “I know you.”

That makes him laugh, and then you’re laughing because he’s laughing, “Open the door, please.” Chris sighs again.

As soon as you turn the knob, he’s pushing through it, lifting you up off your feet and twirling you around— to make you laugh again.

You were standing on a precipice that night and neither one of you knew it. Your lives, both individual and combined, would change forever and that was the night that set it all in motion.

The keycard digs into your fingers and palm, bringing you back into the present. Back into the hallway, back in front of Chris. You blink, linking eyes with him again, finding them soft and down turned, his head tilted as he presses his fingers to the glass.

"Let me hold you," he says soft. So soft that the glass between you gobbles it up. But you just know that’s what he said. You just know.

The door clicks in your ear, a breeze is in your face as Chris throws it open, and then you’re consumed. Arms wrapped around you, hard chest against yours as you’re lifted right off of your feet. He’s so warm— he’s always been so damn warm.

��Oh my god,” he whispers, leaning back a little as you push your face into his neck, “This moment was the only thing keeping me going.”

“I’m sorry,” you sob, pushing your face into his shoulder, your tears wetting his NASA sweatshirt, “I’m so sorry, I was so selfish,” the words are clipped and broken, heavy on your tongue, “Chris, I—”

“Don’t. Don’t do that, it doesn’t matter.” He sits you back on your feet, rubbing your back with both of his large hands, “I’m the one that should be sorry.”

You cry openly into his chest, wrapping your arms around him and pushing your hands up into his sweatshirt, under the thin t-shirt underneath— just to feel his skin, “I missed you so much.”

One, two, three, four pecks of his warm lips on the top of your head before he rests his cheek there, holding you tight as he takes a deep breath, “All that’s over now, hmm?” you can feel the smile on his face, “We don’t have to miss each other anymore.”

A yawn pushes out of your mouth as you stretch out tight, sore muscles screaming. Eyes flutter as you shift, another deep breath pushing out your nose as you nuzzle your face into the pillows, body cocooned in warmth. You’re drifting again, quick, when an abrupt panic races through your veins without warning. Your stomach drops, skin instantly flushing with heat as you spring up, eyes as wide as saucers as your breath rushes.

That’s when you hear it, an all too familiar sound. A pencil, tapping slowly, methodically, against something. It calms you instantly. It’s real, you’re real, Chris is real, and you’re here. He’s here.

You swing your legs over the edge of the small bed, tucked in the corner behind a small partition. There’s a soft light glowing underneath it and a single red blinking dot emanating from the corner of the room— a camera. You push your hair out of your face but keep your fingers on your cheeks, closing your eyes as you focus on your breathing. In, out, in, out, in, out. There’s a murmur, Chris mumbling to himself and you can’t help but smile.

You stand and start moving towards the noises, padding soft and slow as his mess of brown hair and hunched back comes into view. He stands, switching out an X-Ray on the viewer before he plops back down into the swivel chair, staring at it for a second before he starts flipping through the large, open text book just to his left. There’s a little white board off to the right, leaning against the wall, the days he’s been “gone”, seven hundred and twenty seven, scribbled in his messiest of messy handwriting.

The little slice of time watching him sends you right back to your college years, waking up in his dorm room, finding the bed empty and him huddled over a too small desk, furiously flipping through a thousand page text book. You’d sneak up on him, just as you are now, barely dressed and sleepy eyed. Dig your fingers into his hair, scratch his scalp slow. Giggle as his shoulders slump and his head falls back a little, him moaning all the while.

“God, that feels good.”

“You let me fall asleep.”

“You cried yourself to sleep. Didn’t have the heart to wake you… you look like you haven’t slept in a year.”

“Hmm, more like two. What are you doing?” you ask, pushing around his side and crawling into his lap, nuzzling into his shoulder.

“Looking at our X-Rays from earlier today. I’m working on another paper for the Institute.”

“Trying to see if you guys are still earthlings?”

He laughs, the sound rumbling through you, making you smile, “Kinda, yeah. Our body masses have changed dramatically— our bones are longer, I’m not shitting you.” You giggle again at the enthusiasm in his voice, “It’s just a few centimeters, but still. Our brain waves are a little different, metabolism has sped up… it’s incredible.”

You keep the small smile on your face as your fingertips drift over his chest, rubbing slow as you feel his eyes fall to you, “You should get back in bed,” he says, squeezing your knee gently, “You look so tired, baby.”

“Not without you.”

He laughs again, “My circadian rhythm’s all fucked up, I can’t sleep.”

“Then it looks like you're stuck with me,” you kiss his chin and then cuddle back into him, “Don’t mind me.”

Mind you, he doesn't. He just goes about flipping pages and scribbling down random thoughts, marking up his pile of x-rays and fumbling through his and the rest of the crew's medical charts. You push your hand up into the arm of his navy blue NASA sweatshirt, raking your nails up and down his forearm absentmindedly as you breathe him in. Your other hand wanders too, tracing the band of his dark sweatpants before skipping up into his sweatshirt, brushing over his stomach and up to his chest.

The pads of your fingers outline the muscles that are still there, his pecs, down and across his soft abs, before back up and over a cheeky nipple. He jumps slightly, crinkling his nose as he smiles big and hard, “Babe, I’m never gonna finish this work if you keep doing that.”

“Maybe that’s the point.”

“Oh, is that so?”

You bat two big eyes up at him, the weight of going almost two years without catching up with you right at this moment. A hum vibrates in your throat as you stand, taking a few steps away from him before you toss your eyes over your shoulder, licking your bottom lip before sinking your teeth into it. You hold out your hand, wiggling your fingers after a few moments, watching him drag his big eyes down your bare legs and then back up over your powder pink satin shorts and matching camisole.

“Come to bed, Dr. Beck.”

He’s up and on his feet before the words are out of your mouth. Warm fingers interlace with yours as the two of you move back towards the bed, falling onto the soft twin size mattress. His weight dips into the bed as he sinks his knees into it, pulling his sweatshirt over his head as you crawl towards the headboard. You draw your legs up, swaying them gently back and forth, palms flat on your thighs as you inhale deep, watching as he tosses his shirt to the floor.

The smile on your face grows larger as he crawls over you, pushing your legs open with his soft hands before he settles right between them. Chris takes his time looking at you, smiling soft as his eyes drift over your face, his index finger dragging down the bridge of your nose, over two full lips, and down your chin and neck. You let out a quick breath when the pad of that sneaky finger dips just inside your tank top— right into your cleavage.

He cups your face, his thumb resting on your lips, brushing gently, “I’m never leaving you again,” he whispers, blue eyes filling with earnest as they bounce between yours, “I mean it.”

You turn your head into his palm, pressing your lips into the soft, warm skin, planting kisses, “You promise?”

The delivery is breathless. Quiet. Small. Almost begging him to mean it. He takes a deep breath, pushes it out slow before leaning in, closing his eyes as he rubs the tip of his nose against yours. That’s when he kisses you— slow. Deep. Tongue pushing through your lips and into your mouth. Massaging the roof of your mouth before sliding along your tongue. He even moans a little, lets his body— muscles, bones, brain— relax. Lets himself melt into you because it’s just been so damn long.

It ends slow, the kiss. Chris grabbing your lip with his teeth and pulling gently before he rests his forehead to yours. Eyes closed, his big, skilled hands and fingers flirting with your calves—pushing over your knees and then down your thighs to come to rest on your sides and hips.

“I promise.” You slide your hands up and down his sides, letting your eyelids flutter as he continues, punctuating his words with more gentle kisses, “We can start that life you’re so crazy about,” he laughs when you laugh and wrap your arms around his neck, “Buy you a house.”

“On the base?”

“I thought you didn’t like the base?”

“I don’t… but I kinda... do.”

“Then yeah, on the base if that’s what you want.”

Your eyes are still closed as hot lips press against your face— the crook of your nose, underneath one eye, cheeks, and then chin. You push your fingers up into his hair as he forges a path with his lips and tongue— down your neck, over two collarbones, down your arm— all the while his hands move upward. Up into your silk top, nimble fingers playing with two tight nipples before he rucks the silk top up to your chin.

“Wait,”

“What?”

“What about them?”

“Them, who?”

Pointing with your foot towards the blinking red light in the corner, “Them.”

He laughs and you laugh, covering your face with your hands until Chris pries them away, “They’re nerds, babe. We’ve already made them so nervous they’ve left the control room.”

You honestly can’t remember the last time you laughed this hard. Not since he left you suppose. It’s a nice sound, for both you and him, filling up the small space, making it alive and lived in instead of clinical and dry, “That’s not nice, Chris!”

He shimmies the thin material up over your head, casting it to the floor, “It’s the truth! I should know. Remember the first time I saw you naked? I couldn’t look anybody in the eye for a week.”

The memory makes you laugh, soft and dreamy-like, “That was so long ago.”

Chris catches the tone. It makes him halt, for just a second, his eyes shifting away from you. Guilt. For holding you at an arm’s length for so long. For making you number two. For making you wait for him for so damn long.

You tilt your head, eyes searching his. Gentle hands claim his face, pulling him back into your strong gaze, “Stay with me,” you whisper, eyes bouncing between his, “You’re buying me a house.”

“Ah, yes,” with one fell swoop, your shorts are pulled down your legs, right over the tips of your manicured toes and thrown to the floor, “One story? Two?” He asks, back up on his knees.

“Umm, maybe just one,” You answer, sitting up, slipping your hands into the dark sweats still covering his bottom half, “A two story house is too much to keep clean.”

You pull, but not all the way. Just enough to see his hips and that little tuft of dark hair underneath his belly button. You can’t help yourself and lean forward, kissing his stomach, giggling when he jumps a little. When you do it again, kiss him, and then a third time, and a forth, he gives in. Sweeps your locs over your shoulders and pulls them into a ponytail in his hand. That’s when you hook your thumbs back underneath the thick band of his sweats and pull a little harder, pushing the material right over his hard cock, making it bounce.

Chris kicks out of the sweats, grabs your face in his hands and tilts it upward. Leans down and kisses you again— soft. Sweet. All while rubbing small circles into your cheeks with his thumbs. He stays there, forehead to forehead, eyelashes spread over his buttery, quickly blushing red cheeks as you palm him, dragging your hand from the base right to the tip.

It doesn’t take much— never has. After a few strokes, he’s wet and red all over. Chest, neck, cheeks. Mouth agape, pulling in ragged breaths as his eyelids flutter. He swallows hard, and then hums quick, deep and throaty before inhaling through his open mouth. You push upward, kissing him as you continue slow strokes, sweeping a thumb over his wet tip.

Fingertips brush along the inside of your thigh, down low, first by your knee. Then, slowly, they skirt upward, not groping or kneading, just brushing— flirting with your skin until they reach their destination. You gasp, mouth falling open as adept fingers— not only just in general, but with your body specifically— push through wet folds.

“One story it is then,” he breathes, hot, unhurried, “A dog and a,” he slams his eyes shut, hissing and grunting when you squeeze him, “Fuck baby,” he swallows again, lips trembling as he nuzzles in, rubbing the tips of your noses together, “A dog and a cat.”

Your free hand wraps around his neck, fingertips pushing into his hair as your head tips back, hips start to shove forward, eager for his touch— wanting those fingers inside. When Chris obliges, sinks his index and middle finger into your cunt— touch starved and needy— you mewl. Making a real sound for the first time in seven hundred and twenty seven days. It enlivens you both.

Chris pushes you back, lays you back onto the small mattress, spreads you out. Keeps his fingers inside, pumping slow, curling, massaging. Thumb pressed against your clit, rubbing. He lays between your legs, coming face to face with your most intimate and blows gently. Warm air sticking to balmy flesh. Big blue eyes flick up to yours, then back to your sweet, licking his lips as a squelch fills the room.

His tongue darts out, slips along the inside of your thigh. Your hips react instantly, jutting upward as a sharp breath fills your chest. A long arm pushes up your body, fingers prodding your breast, tweaking a nipple before he palms the skin, but not for long. Within seconds, his fingertips are pushing into a willing mouth. Your tongue, swirling around thick digits as you grab onto his hand, holding it there.

Warm air tickles damp skin again as he blows on you, “Have some babies,” he offers quick, the words muffled by your flesh as he finally laps at you, tongue slipping through sticky folds, flattening against your slit as he massages the delicate, “How many you want, baby?”

Nothing but a bitten-off groan answers him. It comes for many reasons. His fingers somehow delving deeper, lips brushing over your cunt— the thought of babies. Little brown skinned, curly headed babies running in the backyard with that dog and cat. Wide smiles, complete with missing teeth, loud laughter, declarations of love as they jump into mommy and daddy’s arms.

“Oh yeah,” heavy words breathed into your ear, a hunk of man now laying on top of you, cock pressing at your opening, “My pretty girl wants babies,” the wetness makes it easy for him to slide in— all the way in— bury deep, “I’m gonna give them to you. You’ve been so good.”

He’s moving, hips pushing and pulling as he cups your face in his hands, presses his forehead to yours, “I’m gonna fill you up,” he mutters, swollen lips brushing against yours, “Stuff you— full of— my, fuck,” a deep moan, another quick hiss as he bites his bottom lip, overcome by the warmth, the wet— the tight, “Fuck, you feel good.”

Feverish lips are on yours again, teeth nibbling as his hips shove into you. Soft and swift. A palm covering your breast, fingers pressing, kneading and working sensitive, responsive skin. Nipples hardening, heat blooming across an ardent canvas of skin, pulsing hips eager to meet his.

Chris cups your chin, pushes upward so you're forced to keep slitted eyes on him and him only, “You want my babies? Hmm? Tell me baby,” you can only whimper in response, digging your nails into his sides, drawing your legs up and around him as he plunges deep, “Come on honey, use those words. Tell me how much you want my babies.”

He fucks into you hard, jamming his hips just once— the sound of skin on skin slapping out loud and off the walls. It arches your back, the sudden, quick thrust. Sends you right up into his chest. Chris pulls you into his lap as he falls back on his ass, extending his legs, heels digging into the mattress as he wraps his arms around you, holding you close and tight, fingers spreading out on your back.

Hips roll into one another. Fingers grip his calf as you lean back, hot, sloppy lips on your chest, over and between bouncing tits. A taut nipple pulled right into his wet mouth. Slippery tongue swirling and flicking, teeth nibbling before he sucks on the tight nub, teasing it further.

Then he’s holding your hips, forcing you down onto his cock. More rushed, sticky words falling from swollen, red lips, “You want me to fill you up? Hmm? Tell me.”

Tears slip down your cheeks, overcome by it all. The emotion of it, the physicality of you and him tangled together— the words, how many years you’ve waited to hear those words.

“That’s right, sweet girl,” he purrs, thrusting harder, faster, “You want me to come in you, don’t you? You’d love it if I came in you, huh? Knocked you up? Gave you a baby?”

You kiss him hard. Cupping his face, moaning sweet into his wet mouth, “I want it,” it’s breathy— desperate, “I want it, Chris. I want it.”

“Then I’ll give it to you. I’ll give it all to you.”

It’s feverish after that. Pushing and pulling. Grunting, smacking— lips on lips, skin on skin. Large hands gripping, fingers pressing into the meat of thighs and calves and ass and tits. His fingers grip the meat of your thighs, your ass, slide up your back— around your neck as your head falls back. Those fingers find your mouth, push just inside as he wraps his other arm around your waist, pulling your hips closer, helping them rock.

His fingers are out of your mouth, cupping your cheek now. Smoothing hair out of your face as it strains. You try not to get loud, slam your eyes closed, purse your lips as your toes curl and stomach tightens… heart flutters.

“Oh no,” he murmurs, brushing his thumbs over your closed eyes before prodding at your lips, “Don’t do that, honey. I know for a fact that you can be a hell of a lot louder than that. Come on, let me hear you.”

“No, I—“

“Don’t be modest,” his tone shifts, going stern and deep, and that’s all it really takes for the noise to flow, “I wanna hear you.”

But he knew that.

It’s a sweet little hum, and then a gasp before it’s clipped by an obscenity— a shaky, desperate, filthy word that dissolves away into a loud groan and then… it’s all downhill from there.

You couldn’t hold it in if you tried. It’s been too long. A pent up aggression, a nervous need all finally working its way out of you. You pull him close— crush your chest against his, wrap two liquid arms around his neck, press your face right against his. Chris loops an arm around your waist, squeezing your opposite hip, pressing his fingers right into the soft skin until it hurts.

But it’s good, the pain of the squeeze. It helps you right over the edge, makes you finally cum after seven hundred and twenty seven days. Slow at first. A warmth just taking its time as it spreads. The feeling sort of foreign because it’s been so long— your brain hasn’t caught up just yet.

When it does catch up, brain and body finding each other, dormant synapses kicking on with a jolt, it’s not just a warmth. It’s molten now, searing and stirring, passing through veins and muscles and skin and bone— it’s that deep. Toes curling so hard they go numb, fingertips digging into his shoulders as you throw your head back.

You’re sure the scientists and military guards can hear you three floors down.

Chris leans in, hot, wet, shiny lips pressing against your chest, over your tits with sloppy kisses, hips still churning into yours until they just can’t. Wet walls closing in, clamping down as they spasm, that molten enveloping him. His hips freeze quick with the first spurt, but find a haphazard rhythm as he comes. Fills you up just like he promised.

He pushes those warm blooms of silk deep with now pointed, long strokes. Not a drop escaping— it’s all for you, after all. Supply and demand and all that.

The mattress is a dream beneath you. Inviting and soft as he lays you into it, still rooted deep as he rolls you onto your side. An arm snakes around your hip, a palm and long fingers anchoring in the center of your chest. A hot, flushed cheek presses against yours as lazy wet lips drag along the back of your neck. Languid thrusts at random intervals keeps you gasping as he tucks his knees and thighs into the backs of yours.

“Say it again,” you whisper after a few quiet minutes, breath still heavy, chest still heaving.

Chris plunges into you again, soft and sweet and deep, “Say what, honey?”

“That you won’t,” the words break off, a moan replacing them as he kisses a trail down your arm, fucks into you once, twice, three times, “That you won’t leave me again.”

“I’m not leaving you again.”

When you wake up the next morning, that little whiteboard with the days scribbled on it is erased. All it says now?

Day one.

#bad things happen bingo #5k...holy god #chris beck #chris beck x reader #chris beck x black!reader #chris beck x you #you x chris beck #reader x chris beck #the martian #chris beck fanfiction

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accessibleaesthetics · 3 years ago

Note

Thank you for the accessibility banned tags post! I don't use a screen reader and I'm an Android user so the ban doesn't affect me, but it's infuriating to know that some things are affecting accessibility like flashing etc are banned (i hate flashing lights in alot of circumstances but it must be intolerable for people with bigger sensory issues so it makes no sense why they would ban that istg) and also i now know how to tag things with banned tags so it's accessible to screen readers and goes past the ban so TYSM ❤️

(Also small question: how do you do a image description? Like the formatting and stuff like that because I want to do them but idk how to format it correctly)

Thank you 😊

You are very welcome! I'm so glad this post got all the traction it did; I'm seeing many tags on it along the lines of "I didn't know this, I'll take this into consideration now!" And let me tell you, every single tag I get along these lines adds an hour onto my life.

I will say, to Tumblr's slight credit, they did leave "flashing tw" alone, likely because no one who is posting about the other kind of flashing is going to tag it #flashing tw. It's also worth pointing out that hiding these tags isn't directly putting anyone in danger; it's not showing things tagged #flashing to people who have that blocked, it's just hiding it from everyone using iOS, even those who want to see flashing images. However, since "#flashing" is a known hidden tag now, the main danger comes from the possibility of users thinking "oh, well if I can't tag flashing, I guess I just won't tag it" or "if I can't tag flashing, I'll tag it with something more obscure that most people probably don't have on their block list." Then it can cause danger, albeit indirectly.

To answer your question though, there are lots of guides to creating image descriptions if you aren't sure where to start. Here are a few to start you out:

How to Write Alt Text and Image Descriptions for the visually impaired

How to Create Image Descriptions

All About Image Descriptions

And please, feel free to reach out to me if you have any specific questions, I'm always happy to answer them.

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botwstoriesandsuch · 4 years ago

Text

Sidequests are part of the story so it’s still my ballpark shut up it’s time for

Read Part 1 here!

Part 2 || Part 3

If you’re on mobile, and tumblr hates this post, follow along on this google doc!

Rules/overview this rewrite in the beginning of Part 1

- - - - - - - - - -

Side quests, side quests, side quests. What are they? And what are they doing here, on an Age of Calamity rewrite? I must admit, game design is not an inherent forte of mine, and I like to think that my only “expertise” would be on writing and storytelling. So what the fuck is a fool like me doing here

Well my dear ladies, lads, and gentlefolk, if your memory does serve, I did say that the format of Age of Calamity was one that served the major plot and story beats for it’s cutscenes, and its worldbuilding and good parts of it’s character development for its gameplay and side quests. It’s actually a concept that can be seen in shows and movies too, although obviously it’s origins are in TTRPGs and videogames. Definition wise, a side quest is any deviation from the main story and plot that serves to flesh out an optional/overseen aspect of the game. So there’s out perfect outlet for worldbuilding, characters, and even a bit of humour. Side quests, by definition, can’t simply be just XP grinders, because otherwise you could…..just make an XP grinder. It’s like saying you’re getting your kids a bike, but then you get them a stationary exercise one. Sure it’s functionally the same and gives the same benefits, but it could be so much more.

Does Age of Calamity have good side quests? I’d actually argue, yes. I mean sure, it’s not exactly gonna hold a candle to Fallout or Witcher 3, but there are great memorable side quests that do serve their purposes in this game.

A fan favourite is “The So-Called Knight,” in which Link spars Mipha, Teba, Sidon, and Revali, a conflict of the Sidon’s confidence and belief in Link, with Revali’s skepticism and grudge against him. Not only is it great fandom content, but it explores the carrying POVs of several characters in a fun way. We also have Hestu’s Dance Competition, and the Miss Vai Battle Pageant. What they lack in serious character tone, they make up for in humour and world building. Even the quests that have nothing to do with the main cast of characters, like the Questionable Escort Mission, still provide funny and interesting details about the world, like how the Yiga Clan is still ever persistent in trying to take down Link with monsters and Windcleavers alike.

It’s not like those side quests were functionally useless either, all of them still provided great amounts of exp and materials. What specifically made them great and memorable was their small little stories and character/world details. Of course, that’s not to say you can’t have the occasional plotless boss rush every now and again, those are fun in their own right and it’s good to have variety. But just thinking about it...what were everyone’s least favourite sidequests? The timed Yiga Escape? The ones where you sit around defending strongholds? The one hit death Hair-Width Trials? Ah...so all the least enjoyable side quests were the ones that were difficult, with no enjoyable character or worldbuilding to back it up….interesting interesting….interesting pattern indeed.

So, let’s improve the game a bit further. I do need to pace out my future character arcs somehow. I tried to make use of the existing quests where I could, but it’s just eaaaasier to just not think about it and do it from scratch. Just shove these in place of all those quests whose only description is “monsters have been spotted here! Take Mipha and go to work!” and stuff like that. Alrighty then! Here’s my take on cool side quests for every single character thus far, along with their paired gambit attacks. Prepare for heists! Drama! Simping! And Bananas!

Link: Mastering Stasis

Ok I have no idea when this quest unlocks so just for my purposes assume this only becomes available after Link pulls the Master Sword.

Engage the hordes of monsters that have been spotted in Hyrule Field. Now is a great time to master the use of the Stasis Rune. Impa and Zelda accompany you, but it seems stasised monsters aren’t the only thing coming to a tense standstill…

This isn’t anything that special, I just want to further highlight this tension that Zelda and Link have, as it’s something touched upon in Botw, but never really mentioned or used ever in Hwaoc. Now more than ever, Zelda has an excuse to have a rocky relationship with him because she could actively see just how far he’s coming in such a short amount of time. Classic “he probably hates me so I guess I’ll hate him” thing.

You play as Link, the game gives you your little prompts on how to use Stasis, you take out a few hordes of Bokoblins and blah blah blah. I wanted to use an earlier level to establish Zelda’s relationship sooner as obviously it’s gonna be important to the story. But of course like all side quests it won’t kill you to skip out. Text dialogue can be Zelda saying science shit like “This will be a good opportunity to test out the full limits of the Stasis rune” and then Impa’s all “Yep! We got your back, Princess! We’ll clear out these monsters in no time.”Then Link the little angsty shit that he is says nothing, and as you play you clear out more and more bokoblins Zelda just says “...” and then we can toss in a Moblin or two in there for gambit voice stuff.

Gambit dialogue with Impa would be supportive, her usual spunky dialogue. I had two ideas for Gambit attacks with Link: One where Impa does that thing where she cuts a giant laser through the air, but it’s aimed towards Link and he parries it right in a monster’s FACE because I think it’s badass and also a good way to show trust and stuff. The second thing was Impa’s giant bomb barrels, but Link is the one to somehow ignite them, because he is an arsonist after all. He can even have a chaotic Sheikah blue glint in his eyes like blue flame, I can already picture it so clearly given how anime/dramatic Impa’s movements are. Impa sets bombs, Link *teleports behind Moblin* nothin personal, kid.

Also right at the end of their gambit attacks, Impa and Link should try to fist bump or something (cause the whole “cool guys don’t look at explosions” thing that Impa usually does on her own) but are interrupted by eggbot jumping up to try and join in. And then Impa can be annoyed and try to punt it or something. That’s not just self-indulgent that’s in her character she totally would and I want to make use of the fact that eggbot travels around with Link. The success of her attempts to punt him can vary.

If Link does a gambit with Zelda, her dialogue can just be her usual monotone Princess stuff, “Thanks for lending your strength,” or “There is still much more to do!” just purely professional, we’re not at a stage yet where she’s buddy buddy with Link. Their gambit attacks can still be cool though. One idea I had was Zelda using stasis, and you know how when you use it in botw everything lights up with that sonar effect? So Link stands besides Zelda, and she activates stasis, the first “sonar” light wave reveals the stasised monster, and you see it from the view of the Sheikah Slate. Then with each additional flash of sonar you just see this silhouette of Link going absolute ham on a monster. And then when the stasis “ding ding ding ding ding” is done, everything’s just dead. Can you see my inspiration from Persona 5 yet? Second idea was Zelda using cryonis and makes an ice ramp for Link to shield surf on and ram into a monster. For entertainment purposes Zelda should also be putting frogs on said slide. (Also also the reason I’m putting Link as the main focus for those gambit attacks is because I want to juxtapose it with future gambits where Zelda may or may not be more powerful…)

Anyhow anyhow, so this side quest, you beat some bokoblins, theres a moblin or two. However as you progress Zelda’s dialogue because a bit more passive aggressive, maybe Zelda can be a bit irritated at how quickly Link is defeating everything before she can even contribute. Impa can comment on this like “She hasn’t exactly been warming up to you, has she…” and then the last point of the side quest, Zelda runs off, there’s a...let’s say a big horde of blue or black Moblins. Or a horde of Wizzrobes, I’m not too picky on it. Link can save her and do a gambit or whatever, but the point of importance is that Zelda leaves with the clear mindset off, “You don’t need to keep coddling me, I can handle my own” to Link, but is “Thank you, I’m glad you’re here,” to Impa.

Now I stole was inspired to use this based on this comic by @novellanova, and you should check it out here. But basically, at the end when all the monsters are dead and the last few text boxes are rolling, Impa says something like “Gee, at this rate I might have to protect you from the princess! Hmm…. you know, maybe if you two had the opportunity to hang out more and get to know each other, she’d warm up to you! Ha! That’s it! I’ve made up my mind. Listen up Link, from now on I’m gonna let you man the wheel when it comes to protecting Zelda. So with me out of the picture you better take the opportunity to be the nicest, most helpful, and most effective body guard there is. I know you already are, but still, if I hear that one little Chuchu so much as splat in her direction I will take you down...got it?” And, that’s that.

Side quest done. Fun Link gambits with Impa and Zelda, some little character POVs on the situation, plus an explanation as to why Impa doesn’t accompany Zelda everywhere/nods to the cutscenes of Botw as to what happened to Impa. Alright, that was probably the most boring one so let’s move on to

Daruk: A Rumbling Stomach

Alright I’ll be honest...I have no idea what to do with Daruk. Especially when Yunobo’s not here, I got zip-zero to work with considering his character is non-existent. Further down the line I’ll certainly try to give him more nuances and the like, but I’m afraid the majority of my character efforts have been towards Astor, Revali, Zelda, and [REDACTED] so this is my apology ahead of time, rock fuckers.

This is my take on how to make those timed quests more fun. So basically, the premise of this stage is that Daruk was just happily hanging around trying to enjoy his rock roast, when a monster surprised him and he dropped it, and now it’s rolling down the hill. This is based on my real Breath of the Wild experience where I had to trek up that Volcano path to bring a rock roast for that shrine quest, but at the very top I dropped it and had to chase it down before it fell into the lava below.

Daruk is eager to chow down on the finest rock roasts this year has to offer! It’s too bad things go downhill when monsters start to ambush. Defeat key enemies and rescue Daruk’s tumbling meal before this year’s wait goes to waste!

So, that’s what this is. The stage opens and Daruk says “NOOooOO! My rock roast! Damn monsters!” and you have to defeat baddies and catch up to the rock roast before the timer runs out and it falls into lava. And then when you finish and get back the rock roast that’s pretty much it….except SIKE no it’s not. Because a lot of these timed quests usually have a “surprise! There’s more!” thing at the end so I’ll do that here too. So Daruk has saved his rock roast and he’s talking about how he’s going to enjoy it in all its deliciousness, when he’s cut off by a random Goron’s scream. Turns out, Daruk’s yelling at the monsters about desperation to retrieve his lost lunch has attracted monsters to some traveling civilians, and now you gotta go beat a Talus, or a couple of Moblins, or something...Again I don’t really have level set or idea when these side quests unlock so just use your imagination. Once Daruk defeats the monster(s) the Gorons can thank him, and then one of the Goron kids can be like “Ooo! Is that a super special rock roast?!?” And Daruk is all: “Ah! Well all the best Goron heroes eat plenty of rocks! This here is the gourmet stuff. You can only get it once a—” And the kid’s like “Woah! I’ve always wanted to have one, that’s why I’ve been training hard so I can explore more of the mountain. Where’d you get it??” And Daruk can sputter a bit, before finally sighing and giving into his instincts. “Ah….well, why don’t you have it? You’re probably really hungry after running around with those monsters…”

“Woah really?? Are you sure—”

“YEAH JUST TAKE IT ALREADY GO”

“Woah, thank you!” and then the Goron kid and co run off. Cue Daruk crying to himself in the background. Daruk may have an appetite, but I like to characterize him as the Goron Hero first and foremost.

I’m sure that doesn’t stop him from mourning his rock though.

Mipha: Stronger Sentiments

Mipha and Daruk talked a whole bunch about training together so that Mipha can grow stronger, and Daruk was catching on to her crush on Link and it was a nice interaction in between them except for the fact that we never see them do the damn training so that’s what this is.

I think this is as good an opportunity as any to make this a Hair-Width quest, the ones where you can’t take one hit. The difficulty of a level is one of the most effective ways to put the players in the boots of a character to experience the same struggles they do. If the player works hard, then they automatically associate that with the character working hard. So, yeah, let’s have Mipha kicking ass and working to be strong enough to protect Link.

Mipha is determined to grow stronger. Daruk and the other Gorons are helping out with an intense training session by Gut Check Rock. Prove yourself by defeating all the enemies you encounter!

So Mipha is sparring with the Gorons, you fight through them and the captains and blah blah, the final boss is fighting Daruk without getting hit.

“I promise not to hurt you more than I’m capable of reversing.”

“Ha! Give me all you’ve got, princess!”

You fight, cue the special music or whatever. I mentioned that gambit dialogue/attacks could also work to be custom for the character that you’re fighting, so I’m thinking something like this. Daruk slams the ground and rocks and magma sprout up around him like jagged pieces of glass, but Mipha is no where to be seen. Daruk’s kinda huffing and puffing, “Where’d you go Mipha…” and then FWOOSH, giant geyser right behind him. [yes I KNOW I overuse the *teleports behind you* “nothing personal, kid” thing but I think it’s COOL and you can’t stop me] So anyhow, you know that thing in Avatar where Pakku is just riding at the top of a whirlpool and destroying everything? That’s Mipha.

Daruk turns around and scratches the back of his head. “...huh….that’s not good.” Cue Mipha swooping down to deal the defeating blow.

So Mipha wins, she can mention how wonderful it was and how much stronger she feels. And she can thank Daruk, and he’s all “No problem!” but he mutters something like “And I thought Gorons hit hard...now I know how Link feels.” End side quest….SIKE it’s another surprise boss at the end. A Goron captain suddenly reports that an Igneo Talus has appeared nearby.

Mipha goes up to fight it, but wow! Link is already there. They both fight it, but it’s clear that Link didn’t need her help that much. You can defeat the Talus with a Mipha/Link gambit. It’s similar to Link’s usual “swing sword in a giant circle and become a death windmill” but Mipha kinda enhances it with water or something and it puts out the Talus. I wanted this ending with a focus on how strong Link is just to show that while Mipha is improving, she’s still not yet where she needs to be.

Daruk: “Sorry I wasn’t much help at the end there, I was busy, uh, stretching.”

Mipha: “Oh it’s quite alright, Daruk. We were both quite tired from today’s training.”

Daruk: “Well I dunno about that...seems to me you were quite lively and active as you fought beside Link. *wink*”

Mipha: “Huh!?!? W-What is that supposed to mean??”

Cue laughter from Daruk. Mipha is flustered. And Link is just...confused, as always.

Urbosa: Mighty Thunder of the Gerudo

So in the game this is just some normal outpost capturing, stronghold defending side quest, but we’re gonna spice it up just a bit.

An important excavation site is being overrun by monsters, and Urbosa has set out to engage them. Defend and capture the outposts, in order to prevent this valuable place from falling into enemy hands…

So you fight as Urbosa, defeat some enemies and blah blah. When you first arrive there, I want one of the Gerudo Captains to be like “Lady Urbosa? Where did you come—What are you doing here? Aren’t there areas of greater importance for you to be at right now?” Urbosa says something like “Nevermind that now, let us focus on achieving victory over these rotten beasts.”

As the battle goes through, it is revealed that this excavation site is where Zelda’s mother would often work and hang out with Urbosa. Urbosa says some stuff like “Her Majesty would not be happy to see all these monsters heading here!” *decapitates Moblin* and then she can say other dramatic stuff at the end like “We have fought well...for her memory” and other classic lesbian pining. Some guard at the end can say “Perhaps you should move on and help out somewhere else, Lady Urbosa. We can handle the clean up from here.”

“Sure,” Urbosa replies, “Just another moment.” And then cue reminiscing. “She always did love these machines…”

And just other sentimental stuff like that. If you’re gonna be a coward and hold out on the Champion death angst, then you best be pumping that angst and emotion from somewhere, you know?

Also yay for worldbuilding! At least in my rewrite, the Guardian excavations and stuff were overseen by the Queen. Could be a reason Zelda hangs out with Sheikah tech so much...who knows who knows... who knows what other implications this has, it’s just a side quest after all.

Revali: Anti-Ice Training [get it??? Cause in this one, Revali’s gonna break the ice with some other characters?? I’m funny I swear]

Ok so for this one, I want to pull Revali’s character away from just “the birb that doesn’t like Link” and give him some other stuff to stand on. Obviously, there would be other side quests in a fully fleshed out game that did even more to characterize him, but for my rewrite I’m only dedicated this post and one other future post to sidequests, so I gotta really bring out what I can for the few side quest stories I have time to tell

Revali sets out alone to deal with some monsters by the Hebra trail. Although intended as an isolated moment to hone his skills, he finds himself with unexpected company. Defeat key enemies.

So you play as Revali and at first you’re alone, taking out Ice Lizalfos and the like. Revali’s text dialogue can say stuff like “Hmm...not fast enough” “My current needs to be stronger” “*mutters* Can’t compete with lightning and magma with aim like that.” Just stuff that establishes that he’s working hard to really prove himself as the best, but is still a bit insecure about his position. He thinks he’s better than Link, sure, and he certainly thinks that being a princess or a chief doesn’t automatically make you the best. However by this point, Revali has battled alongside the other Champions and seen their skill in battle, and has developed some respect for them. Afterall, Champions were chosen in some part for their skills, unlike Link or Zelda who destiny just thrust greatness upon.

So Revali has this slight insecurity that compared to lightning, and magic healing, and magma, with chiefs and princesses and titles of heroes, he and his efforts will be overshadowed and forgotten, unfairly deemed the useless one. Thus, here he is, training in solitude, not wanting anyone to see the imperfections and mistakes until he is absolutely perfect.

Except for the fact that after you beat a Wizzrobe, the other three Champions show up.

Revali: Wh—Huh?? What are you all doing here?

Urbosa: Well, we all have to travel with the princess to that Tower in a few hours, so I recommended we find you and hang out until then

Mipha: And a good thing too! Look how many monsters there are

Revali: I’m actually doing very well on my own right now. Wouldn’t want you to catch a cold or something, so why don’t you head on back and let me handle this.

Daruk: Aw, it’s not that we think you can’t do this. It’s that you’re hogging all the fun! Urbosa: And that it would be more efficient if all of us went to work

Daruk: That too

Revali: Look it’s not—you all can’t just—this is not just about—AUGH, look, I’m just trying to train myself at the moment, and I don’t need you all to mess with my drills

Urbosa: Training, hm? Well how about this...you let us continue helping you with these monsters, and after, I’ll let you in on a good Gerudo training technique

Revali: Hmph. Fine, whatever gets you out of my tail feathers faster

So Revali and the Champions clear out the monsters. Revali can have gambit attacks/dialogue with each of the other Champions. This is already incredibly long so perhaps I’ll save specifics for another time, feel free to use your imagination. Urbosa teasing Revali and they make a thunderstorm, Mipha and Revali swimming in the sky and kissing—wait that’s—

When all the monsters are cleared, which honestly isn’t tooooo many, Revali speaks again.

Revali: So what’s this oh-so-holy technique you had in mind, then?

Urbosa: Ah yes, well really it’s quite simple. It’s called…

Urbosa: One-on-one combat

Now Revali fights Urbosa. It think it’d be really fun if your allies on a stage could swap to a boss, and I wish hwaoc had a bit more freedom with the interactions as a whole, but ah well, that’s what I’m here for I guess.

So when you/Revali defeat her, it’s a good accomplishment! Not only for you the player, as Urbosa would not be the easiest to beat, but also because match-up wise, Revali prevailing over Urbosa is a big feat as their styles are quite opposite, arguably with the strength in favour for Urbosa.

Revali might at first have the mindset that Urbosa is overconfident and thinks she’s got an easy win on Revali, but that mindset is quickly proven wrong when 1) the difficulty of the gameplay itself shows how they’re both doing their best and 2) Urbosa with her Gerudo qualities is probably shouting stuff like “give it your all!” and things.

And so, as you beat her...

Revali, kinda huffing and puffing, but just a bit:: ...you….held back

Urbosa: Come now, do you really think of me as someone who’d do that? I’m almost insulted.

Revali: Hmm...perhaps not then....

Mipha: Wow! What a wonderful fight from both of you.

And then insert some other dialogue from Daruk or something that shows the Champions acknowledging the training and hard work Revali must have put in to be so skilled. Perhaps it’s not so bad, when you train with others and your skill is fully appreciated by your frie—GAH. Perish the thought, they’re all just a bunch of royal fools who can’t hold a candle to the skill of a Rito Master….probably…

Revali: Well unlike you lax fools, I tend to take my job seriously. I don’t have time to longue and banter when the princess is still expecting me in an hour or two

Urbosa: Oh alright, let’s get to it then. What’s the expression? “The early bird gets the w—”

Revali: Gross. No. Don’t finish that sentence, I beg you.

Urbosa: Oh? Well why don’t you fly off to escape my dreadful tones then?

Revali: ...Heh, don’t be absurd…

Revali: Without me, you’ll all probably get lost. So, I suppose I should stick around for that sake Great Fairies: Dress to Oppress

The Great Fairies are holding a fashion competition and rating people’s outfits. Poorly judged outfits gives them the right to compensation combat. Defeat all your less than fashionable allies.

...

...yeah.

It seemed funny in my head, alright? cOme on, just imagine…

Revali, fully expecting to win: Well?

Great Fairies: Hm...I don’t know dear, all the colors are very clustered. Perhaps if you were taller—?

Revali: bWHAKT!? *other angry bird noises*

- - -

Daruk: I brought my BEST out today! :D

Great Fairies: Is that a….chain?

Daruk: TWO chains, actually. :D

Great Fairies: Oh honey…

- - -

Great Fairies: Ooo! Our little hero is about to come out! Wonder what he chose...a knight in shining armour? A handsome desert voe? Ooo!! And those Snowquill braids always made him look so cute…

Link: *comes out in the Tingle Outfit*

Great Fairies: …

Great Fairies: …………..hm…..

At the end of the side quest, after you beat everyone, the Great Fairy wins because of course they do.

Great Fairies: Oh my! What an unexpected outcome...but it really couldn’t have gone any other way. I declare the judges the winner! I mean just look at me, I’m as dazzling as a jeweled desert flower, because I am! Ohohohoho…

This side quests unlocks the Tingle Outfit

Hestu: Forest Dance Festival

Alright this quest was already pretty perfect, BUT, I just want to use this opportunity to say that all of Hestu’s gambit attacks makes his allies and enemies do special dances. Absolutely abSURD that Hestu can only make the lesser smaller enemies dance on occasion, nonononono, my guy Hestu is making everyone dance. You can’t stop this. Nothing I say will ever top the imagination, so just take my word that this is a good thing. [Reluctant Revali doing the macarena against his will in sync with Hestu and they bash someone’s head in...ah the possibilities.]

Maz Koshia: Links to the Past

Ok so before I get into this, a few things. This quest takes place well after the tower activations in Akkala. Age of Calamity leaves a whole lot of plots holes as to why a Monk is just...here, and what the point of the shrines are, and personally my first reaction to all this was just a five minute extended “huuhhhhhh???”

So here is my headcanon, explanation, thing, canon to the world of the Kip Cut story. Ones all the Sheikah Towers were activated, that officially woke up all the Shrines, because we know that the Towers and Shrines are all connected to the same system. [See Great Plateau Tower activating all the Shrines and Towers, and Creating a Champion explanation on the system] But when all the monks were in their little altars and noticed how Link hadn’t dont a single one, they were like “what the fuck.” Monk Maz Koshia, who is kinda the head honcho of the monks and probably the only one powerful enough to go out in the world anyhow, sets out to see what the deal is, and after many a teleportation and telepathic communication, he figures out that Link is just running around with the Master Sword already. This kinda confuses him, because the whole point of the Shrines was to test Link and give him the spirit orbs so that he could grow strong enough to get the Master Sword, but he somehow already has it...so hmmmm something fishy is going on in this timeline. So Link technically hasn’t proven himself at all, Maz Koshia ambushes him, they do their little combat trial, Link passes, and Maz Koshia’s like “ok cool so you’re not useless.”

So now Monk Maz Koshia has cast aside his old monk duties of waiting around for a couple hundred years, in favour of just hanging out with Link and continuing to train him combat wise. Shrines are still explored by Zelda and co because they are important areas to establish teleportation pads, and whenever they’re there, Maz Koshia forces Link to get in a shrine to get a spirit orb, which is not only useful in general for health, but since Link already has the Master Sword, the other characters can get the spirit orb too. (So all those little heart upgrades that you see on the map, those are all just in the real Botw Shrine locations, rather than just scattered around randomly. Also I’m ignoring the stuff about talking to Hylia in order to exchange for stamina or heart containers because the game never talks about her, or stamina, and I’m not about to create an entirely new custom gameplay feature for this game, fuck you.)

I like to think that Maz Koshia is very selective about the Shrines he encourages people to try out. “Oh nonono, don’t bother with Qukah’s….lazy ass, only set up one little mountain that you have to blast through with lightning and that’s the entire puzzle! Disgraceful...Here, Kaam Ya’tak has set up a wonderful Trial of Power for you. I’m sure you’ll find the level design quite thrilling. They spent a lot of time on the critical thinking aspects so have fun!”

“I should warn you that this one was made by one of the millennials...yes, those youngins who were only initiated 1000 years of age. Honestly, they lack so much experience. Ms. Agana over here was experimenting with something called ‘motion controls?’ Pretty lazy if you ask me. Traditionally I would just stick to combat and block and switch stuff...but ah well, variety I suppose.”

Right, what was I talking about? Oh right! This is a sidequest. So Monk Maz Koshia doesn’t really have...a character??? Or a personality??? So I don’t really know what to do with him other than use him as an outlet for world building. Apologies to the Monk….fuckers? Stans? Feel free to leave me a comment about how I missed all the nuances of his character or something I’m all ears.

On an expedition to mark more Shrines and establish more teleports for the Kingdom, a large horde of monsters is spotted, seemingly with the intention to destroy these Ancient relics. Link and Maz Koshia use this opportunity to sharpen their combat skills. Protect the stronghold and defeat key enemies.

And then that quest would just kinda echo the stuff I said earlier about the world. (As Maz Koshia defends a Shrine, somewhere Qukah Nata is smugly shouting “Bet you wish ALL of them were protected with a giant mountain now, do ya?)

Also Link and Maz Koshia’s gambit attack involves the Master Cycle. I don’t have the specifics, but damn if I want some call backs to Botw while also having fun.

Impa: Steal Yourself [Yiga Clan Escape]

In an act of pure hatred and malice, the Yiga Clan has snuck into Kakariko Village in the dead of night…and stolen all the Swift Carrots! Impa sets out to get them back, as well as taking something else as a form of swift revenge...Escape before the time runs out.

Ok I can explain.

So you know how the Yiga and the Sheikah have kiiiiinda been murdering each other a bunch in Botw, going as far as to kill a deserter’s wife and threatening to murder his kids, and also people on both sides were sorta massacred for no reason? And alsoooo one of those people who literally lived during that time of the massacre is just kinda floating around now? And you knooooooooww how the Yiga Clan just kinda joins Zelda’s side later on and we’re not supposed to think about the implications of that too hard because they’re the funny banana ninjas, haha? Yeah well neither Age of Calamity or I really have time to explore the moral grey areas of an alliance between two warring factions, one of which has a leader who doesn’t really seem to remember the reason why they hate Hyrule which brings into question whether the lackeys even know their clan’s history, and brings about the moral dilemma of criminalizing the ignorant, and also there’s the whole other dilemma of depicting the side that submitted to their oppression as being “in the right” and the topic of a race of people being pitted against their own by a higher power is really brushed over sO WE’RE JUST GONNA TOSS ALL THAT OUT THE WINDOW AND MAKE THEM ACT LIKE RIVALLING HIGH SCHOOLS, OKAY? OKAY! This is fine this is fine—

So I have dubbed the High School mascot of the Sheikah, the Swift Carrot. And although there does seem to be some internal debate about whether the carrot should be replaced by the Fortified Pumpkin, the hero of Hyrule Link favours carrots so that’s that. Then of course, the mascot for the Yiga Clan is the Mighty Banana. The two sides hate each other and steal their food symbols to be petty. I’ll be covering the side quests of Kohga and the other later characters in another later post, but just know that Kohga will have his banana heist sidequest too.

So anyhow, you play as Impa. Maybe she can say a piece of dialogue or two about how she has to uphold the image of her people as she has to lead them one day. And then, this side quest is just her retrieving the carrots and running off with the Yiga’s big banana supply before she’s caught. This is based on that “Escape the Yiga Clan” quest if you couldn’t tell.

Custom gambit defeat of Impa vs Kohga: On one hand I think it would be badass to see Impa’s Sheikah skills go up against the Yiga Clan tactics. Kohga summons a giant metal ball to throw, Impa teleports behind him “nothing personal, kid” nO fuck I’m doing it again away goes to swing a blade at his face. He blocks it with his little energy shield thing, but not before an entire conga line of Impa clones start slashing at him until he’s defeated by a giant explosion. So yeah, that’d be badass and cool. But on the other hand…

Kohga, stomping his feet and having a fit: I cARROT believe you would do something this terrible! Give us back those bananas right now! D: ….please? You can keep the gross orange sticks.

Sooga: He asked nicely. You wouldn’t deny the wishes of the most polite and charming Yiga Chief there is, would you?

Impa: No can do, Yiga scum! I’m afraid this cruel action wasn’t veggie nice of you so I must exact justice! Now it’s my time to split. *Impa clones gather and throw Kohga into a giant frog’s mouth. Impa runs off with a sack of fruit [fruit (derogatory) if you will] cackling into the horizon*

Zelda: The Path She Laid For You

The King has order Zelda to head to the Temple of Time, in order to see if anything there could help awaken her powers. Zelda sets off quietly, with minimal company, as not to attract too much attention lest the Town’s folk be hit with another attack. It seems, however, that these precautions won’t be enough...Defeat key enemies

So this is a pure Zelda sidequest, with no other characters except for eggbot because I said so. Starts out normal when SURPRISE! Bunch of monsters appear and Zelda has to whip out her iphone and fight them.

Also!! Good time for the Hollows to show up, and you know, tell her what a failure she is and all that. Convince her that she's useless and gonna doom everyone. All that good stuff!! It’s just nice to catch up with the villains and see how they’re doing, you know? ‘Sup Hollow Urbosa, last I saw you were barely spitting words in the Lost Woods, and now you’re giving full hard-hitting insults to Zelda’s character and ability? Good for you, Queen, good for you.

So Zelda and a handful of guards are fighting off monsters, and Zelda has to beat the Hollows too. Her gambit dialogue when she defeats Hollows can be stuff like “You’re not the real ___” or something idk, I don’t have a lot of experience with the evil clone trope, I’ve never played Ocarina of Time. But one specific I DO want to highlight is that Zelda uses the nearby Sheikah Tech to defeat the enemies. I find it a bit weird how Zelda just knows how to use those random water canons in the Faron region in later chapters, so we’re just gonna at least set up a pattern so that it makes a bit more sense later. Plus! This is in front of the Great Plateau, AKA Gate Post Town/Garrisons AKA oh lOOK it’s that area where Link and Impa and eggbot first meet in that Impa introduction scene of my rewrite so we have already established that Sheikah Technology is being stored here and ready to use! Continuity in world building! Nice.

So Zelda uses her knowledge of Sheikah Tech to defeat the Hollows, when...dun dun dun! Astor appears. But you don’t fight him...

Astor: Have you listened to one word spoken to you today? Why are you still resisting? Let me help you.

Zelda: And what exactly is your plan? You wish to kill me, then?

Astor: Not quite. I mean, if you do die, there are ways I can manage, so if some stray Yiga blade happens to strike you I’m not completely doomed.

Astor: But no, the most optimal outcome for everyone is the one where you live yet. You must see the truth as I do, and let me fix this. I can undo this terrible knot destiny has thread for you. [and insert other fate sisters and sewing metaphors here]

Zelda: But how? What’s your game here, if you’re truly claiming to be in everyone’s best interest then why all this secrecy?

Astor: Ah...ever the one to look for the facts and logic, hmm? Can’t blame you, you get it straight from your mother.

Zelda: …!

Astor: But...I’m afraid even if I did tell you now, you’re in no state to truly grasp it. No...the only way this works is for you to truly understand the position you're in, and the stakes that hang in the path before you.

Astor: And if I have to kill every King, Champion, or knight to get you to understand…

Astor: Then so be it.

[dun dun dun]

Zelda: No! I won’t let you hurt anyone, I swear it!

Eggbot [just pretend eggbot can have dialogue boxes too]: *chirps*

Astor, suddenly noticing eggbot: ...You…you’re one thing I still don’t—

Eggbot chirps again beside Zelda, both seeming to be angry at Astor’s words. Eggbot releases a glowing flash of light. Kinda like a...flash bang? [is that the right word idk]

Astor: Ah—! *and he teleports away to escape* Astor: Until next time then...Princess

And that’s pretty much the sidequest. Zelda can question what exactly eggbot did, but he’s not exactly the most verbal in responses. Finally it ends with Zelda going home, “He was still right though...I’m still sitting in failure, with not a hint of my powers awakening. All I have is some Sheikah tech, some exhausted shoulders….and well, you, I suppose, little one.”

“Come, it’d be a waste to continue forth in this condition. Let’s go back to the castle.”

Eggbot: *happy whistles and chirps*

= = = = =

Tune in next time folks, as we dive back into the main event! Needless to say, Chapter 4 is where the shit starts to go down...

#Hwaoc: The Kip Cut #hwaoc spoilers #hwaoc #hw aoc #hw age of calamity #age of calamity #hyrule warriors age of calamity

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bbysamu · 4 years ago

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Response & thoughts on the recent discourse

Warning: discourse; hateful languages / comments are shown; long post ahead

Please do not read if you are uncomfortable with the discourse yesterday.

I thought Ain’s response to the situation was extremely well-thought out and explained the whole thing perfectly, so I originally did not intend on coming out with my own comments. However, after turning anon back on for my dear 🍙 and for requests, I’ve still been receiving messages about the situation yesterday. So this is the last time I am going to address the discourse on my blog. All other asks / comments about it will be deleted / ignored.

Yesterday, I suddenly received a random anon that turned out to be a hateful account claiming to “expose” those in the Haikyuu fandom. I was “exposed” because I supposedly plagiarized one of Ain’s TikTok headcanon. When there were clear evidence I didn’t, the blog started to target me based off similarities in text dividers and format.

I logged off the site yesterday, only to come back and find out the blog had been promoting itself on my mutual’s pages as well as other HQ writers’ pages, trying to involve people into this very unnecessary discourse.

There are three things I want to comment on:

1) Plagiarism

For those of us who take the time and effort to put our ideas into words, this is not only a very serious accusation, but a very hurtful one as well. Unless there are actual evidence, this is not just some word to throw around at people. Things like formatting, symbols or even color dividers as just ways of organization. By your logic, are people who write their paragraphs with a hanging indent plagiarizing then? Come on, it’s just a way to organize thoughts so they are easier for readers to digest.

2) Fan behavior

It is completely okay to admire and like someone for their work and personality. What’s not okay is when admiration becomes borderline obsession and you start to attack others with the intentions of doing it for the person you admire. It can be easy to forget the users you are sending hate to, either on or off anon, are people, flesh and blood, with real feelings behind screens. Your words can have very real impact and consequences on their day, mood and mental health. Furthermore, why send hate to someone you don’t know very well? It’s important to remember a blog is only a small glimpse of the user’s personality. Unless you’re close mutuals or interact IRL, there’s no one you can really know what kind of person they are. So please think twice before you send any hateful messages.

3) The HQ fandom

There’s a lot of negativity in the fandom as of late. I'm sure a lot of us come unto Tumblr because we want a safe place to express and share our thoughts about these volleyball boys. We’re literally just people who really enjoy this certain sports anime and want to come together to talk and write our own interpretations about different characters. If you don’t like it, don’t read it and don’t interact. It’s really that simple. There’s already a lot of hate in this world, a lot of discourse we can’t control. But we can control the discourse better in the digital world. So please, don’t go around spreading hate on the interweb.

Response to @exposingcheatershq:

I came back to tens of hateful comments from the same account + what I'm suspecting to be a second account of theirs. I’ve blocked them already, but in the case they come back to bother me, let me just respond to some of their comments below.

Last but certainly not least:

Thank you to everyone who supported both Ains and I during this very, very weird and stressful discussion. I am so sorry to see the user going on people’s blog to promote themselves and trying to involve those who weren’t even part of the discourse.

I won’t tag everyone because there is literally just so many people to thank. I would be lying if I said I slept well last night. I even seriously considered deactivating my blog. But after coming back to so many positive messages and love, I will continue to run fushiguroll and will certainly continue to have fun with it and it’s all possible because of you!

So to you: You know who you are. Thank you, thank you, from the bottom of my heart for having my back and giving me so much love and comfort.

P.S: I will be back on regular posting schedule tomorrow!

#tw:: discourse #ceci.fireside

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kim-seungmine · 5 years ago

Text

dream the night away

title: dream the night away

characters: (fem) reader x hwang hyunjin of stray kids

genre: slice-of-life, romance, angst, best friends to lovers au, idol au, idol!hyunjin, hyunjin centric, inspired by 3racha’s cloud 9 but not really?

warnings: minor character death, sometimes heavy, slow burn (aka i wanted it to be but i wasn’t patient enough), i tried to proofread, i gave up trying to format text convo on tumblr, i think they kiss a lot.

word count: 11.6k i’m so sorry

synopsis: one night, hyunjin wonders how he long can stay floating on cloud 9 before he loses his balance and falls all the way down to the pits of hell. After that, nothing feels right.

disclaimer: this is idol!hyunjin so i just wanna say that this is not how hyunjin is in real life and im not trying to convince you that he feels the things in the story. some parts are inspired by the things they’ve said but everything that happens here is pure fiction... which actually goes without saying since this is a fanfic, but i just feel the need to say it. for my personal long ass author’s note, you can read it below.

Hyunjin is met with darkness when he steps into the dorm. It used to be more packed, it used to be messier, and it used to be really loud. Now he only shares the dorm with the 00z who are surprisingly quiet if you think about it. Seungmin sleeps early, Felix has his headphones stuck to his ears and plays games until the sun rises, and Jisung is snugged somewhere watching movies. On busier days, Seungmin and Felix are at the company for lessons and Jisung spends the night at the studio with Chan and Changbin. Hyunjin, meanwhile, usually has some photoshoots.

However, tonight feels unnaturally quiet, especially since Hyunjin has just won his first Bonsang as a solo artist. He switches the lights on, and his friends are soundlessly huddled together by the fridge, Jisung holding a small cake.

“Surprise!” Seungmin exclaims rather flatly as Hyunjin drops to the floor out of shock, shouting profanities. Felix proceeds to grab some candles from the kitchen counter and lights them up. “Come on, blow the candles."

Hyunjin lets out an amused sigh, rising to his feet before blowing all the candles out. “Please tell me these aren’t those candles that stay lit n—what the hell.”

He continues blowing, his friends giggling while Seungmin groans. “Why did you have to curse? I was about to post that on Instagram Story!”

“Why are we doing this anyways? We’re not 18 anymore,” Hyunjin protests half-heartedly. He can’t really remember the last time they gave each other a proper surprise. It feels like ages ago. Jisung scoffs, searching for a knife inside one of the kitchen drawers. Slicing the cake, he retorts, “Your dramatic ass loves surprises, stop denying it.”

“Anyone has anything to do tonight? The hyungs want to come over,” Felix informs while typing on his phone. Hyunjin’s vibrates after a few seconds; everyone on the Stray Kids group chat must be congratulating him.

Seungmin opens the chat, frowning. “Where’s Jeongin?”

“He hasn’t been replying since hours ago. That brat probably fell asleep. Just ask his bro if he’s home,” Hyunjin suggests, about to reply to Chan’s message when another message pops up.

y/n: sorry i couldnt watch the show

y/n: but i saw the news! congratulations!!

y/n: so proud of you, as always!

Hyunjin’s eyes light up at your messages. It’s been months since he saw you; he’s been busy with his solo debut and you’ve been busy with school. When both of you were children, you often pictured how life would be. Hyunjin would be a famous soccer player for Manchester United and the captain of South Korea national team. You would be studying to become a doctor.

He finds it funny that you’re doing the exact same thing while he’s doing something he never even imagined before. Hyunjin is always amazed at how well you planned your whole life and executed every single plan, albeit not always instantly.

After all these years, though, he dares to say that both of you turned out okay. Amazing, even.

“Order whatever you want. I’m eating outside but I’ll be back soon,” Hyunjin tells his friends, bombarding you with messages before you turn your phone off, the thing you always do when you’re about to cram.

Seungmin arches an eyebrow. “Y/N?”

“Yeah. I asked whether she wants to eat gopchang with me.”

“You should really be careful.”

“Everyone knows we’re best friends. No one will make a weird rumor or anything.”

Jisung clicks his tongue. “Well, do you?”

Whenever someone talks about you, it always leads to this very conversation. Hyunjin decides to let Jisung’s question (sarcasm) hang in the air, but he knows the answer. Yes, he knows you and him are just best friends. Does he like it that way?

Hyunjin knows the answer to that too. He only pretends that he doesn’t.

You’re already slurping your soup when Hyunjin says hi to the restaurant owners, Mr and Mrs. Jang. “Oh Hyunjinnie, I just watched you on TV. You won something, right?” he asks. His wife ushers him to sit down, putting extra servings of kimchi on the table.

“Why didn’t I get extra kimchi?” You pout, shooting a jealous glare at Hyunjin who’s busy explaining what a Bonsang is to the owners.

“You did a good job, then,” Mrs. Jang coos. “You don’t need to pay today. It’s on us!”

You quickly put your spoon down. “What about me? I barely sleep thesedays, and I’m not as rich as Hyunjin!”

“Aigoo, you started eating before your friend came then demand for free food. You’re lucky we love you as much as we love Hyunjin.”

The couple laugh at your reaction, jokingly scolding you for being whinier than Hyunjin when it used to be the other way around. He smiles, remembering all the times he forced you to eat his eggplants for him and the times when he begged you to help him study because he needed to beat all of his friends.

“Eat,” you scowl. “You only have half an hour to brag. I have a night shift.”

Out of the times you’re being petty towards him, you were only seriously petty once: when he beat your English score in ninth grade although you were the one teaching him. He had to bribe you with a week’s worth of Haribo jellies before you stopped ignoring him.

Hyunjin giggles. “When’s your exam? Tomorrow?”

“Next week,” you whine. “But I have so many things to do! And I think someone stole my notes, I can’t seem to find them anywhere. Do you even understand half the pain I’m going through right now? All I need is one solid hour of sleep.”

“Hmm,” he hums. “Tell me something I don’t know.”

You widen your eyes, eyeing Hyunjin from head to toe. “Sometimes I forget you’re Stray Kids’ Hyunjin.”

He pretends to stab himself on the chest. “That h-hurts,” he fake-groans. “Then who do you think I am?”

“My neighbor,” you answer. “—who doesn’t even live at home anymore.”

“To be fair, you’re practically holed in hospital now.”

“Yeah but I go home every two weeks? You go home twice a year.”

“Excuse me?! I went home on your birthday… in the middle of a tour! I could’ve been sleeping or practicing, but I came home!”

He always “argues” with you until both of you are out of breath, clutching your chests because it somehow feels hilarious. You drink the last few drops of the soup right from your bowl, setting it back on the table and empty your glass in one go.

“I don’t have enough energy for this,” you sigh dreamily, prepping your head on your arm. “Tell me about everything. Your first Bonsang.”

Hyunjin can still hear his fans’ voices chanting his name and cheering for him as he delivered his speech while sobbing (this is what he hates from solo promotions, nobody else is there to stop him from crying or taking over the mic from him so he could calm himself down). He remembers every single word he said and the proud faces of his fellow artists. The thrill, the triumph, the satisfaction, the love… it’s making him emotional all over again.

He grabs a tissue to blow his nose. “I was surprised when the company said that I was invited. Our group hasn’t made a comeback this year, and although my song did chart quite well, I never expected they would even invite me.”

“They gave me a 5-minute stage! I was so happy, I sent you my rehearsal videos, right?”

You nod, imitating one of the moves in his dance break.

“Everything was even more amazing on stage, with Stays watching me. I think I was possessed during the performance… I was goddamn nervous though.”

“Yeah, I watched it on the way here. You kept licking your lip, I don’t care if your fans think that’s hot. To me you’re just a nervous mess…”

Hyunjin has started to pout when you add, “… who did a very great job nevertheless! It’s just that I’ve known you so long. You can’t hide anything from me.”

He notices how you’re holding your breath, waiting for him to respond. After years, Hyunjin thought he would take negative comments much less seriously, but apparently it didn’t become easier. It became harder, so hard that he had to take a 3-month hiatus last year.

With you, everything is different. You can tell him that he sucks big time and he’ll take it seriously, but he never gets offended. There are a lot of times when people treat him like he’s made of glass (or a snowflake, Seungmin once said), but you treat him the way you’ve always treated him and he loves it. None of his other friends understands, but your honesty is priceless. It’s what keeps him going; he knows you’ll never cherish him less no matter what you say about the way he dances and raps, or the way he looks and behaves. And he’s sure that his honesty also means the world to you. You are each other’s toughest critic, but it will never change anything.

“Hyunjin.” You place your hand over his, eyes wide. “I’m sorry. It just slipped out of my mouth.”

He chuckles, flipping his palm to squeeze your hand. “You idiot. You just stated the facts.”

You squeeze his hand back before pulling away. “I’m looking at Hwang Hyunjin of Stray Kids who sold over 100.000 copies of his first solo album, who won Bonsang for the first time, who gets worshiped by everyone he locks eyes with—except for me of course. I’m a very proud friend.”

“Stop it.” Hyunjin rolls his eyes, but unable to hide his smile once he sees you grinning like a happy child. “How much time do we have left?”

You glance at your phone, sighing when a reminder for you to study pops up. “5 minutes. I have to go back to the hospital soon.”

“Can you even study during your shift?”

“I have to,” you mumble. “Anyways, thanks for dragging me out. I did miss you after all.”

“I missed you too,” Hyunjin says, probably too quick for his own good but he doesn’t regret it.

“I’ll be going now.” You stretch your limbs, grabbing your bag and slinging it over your shoulder. “Any last words before I go to war?”

“I should be the one asking you that.”

“Oh, right.”

Chan is the only one awake by the time Hyunjin gets back home. He huffs in regret, knowing that the hyungs decided to stay over to celebrate his Bonsang win. The leader greets him with a bear hug, carefully avoiding Felix and Minho who are fast asleep on the floor. “We’re so happy for you!” he whisper-yells. “How was Y/N?”

Hyunjin returns his hug with an even tighter one. “Thanks hyung. You composed the song after all! And sorry I came back too late.”

Chan shakes his head. “Nah, it’s fine. At some point we forgot why we were here and just started playing mafia.”

“Y/N is fine, anyways, just tired.”

“She’s always tired, isn’t she?”

“Yeah. It turns out that medical students are probably more tired than us.”

Hyunjin leads Chan to his bedroom. Each of the 00z has their own bedroom now. It’s much more convenient and they can arrange their stuff however they want to (they avoid entering Jisung’s room as much as possible), but Hyunjin misses the mess at times. The old dorm was cramped, either too hot or too cold, and way too noisy, but it was home for quite a long time.

Chan seems to be having the same thought. “We miss you kiddos sometimes,” he laughs. “But we fixed that sliding door. It closes properly now.”

“As long as Changbin hyung keeps opening it with too much force it will be broken again in no time. Trust me.”

Both of them are lying on Hyunjin’s king size bed, staring at the sideboard table he dedicates for his music show—and now, music award—trophies. “The kids don’t really say it but they’re all so proud of you. I’m proud of you. I raised you well, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, you kinda did.”

“Kinda?!”

“I’m joking.” Hyunjin scrunches his nose. “You raised all of us. We raised Jeongin. And we raised each other.”

“3racha are almost finished choosing the final songs, you have 2 weeks to relax then we’ll start production right away. Our next tour won’t start until May, so we have plenty of time to prepare everything.”

“Ohhhhh I can feel my bones breaking already. We’re getting old,” Hyunjin whines.

Chan pats his thighs, cracking his knuckles before jumping out of bed. “You’re getting old,” he teases.

“I’m glad, though. Everything finally works out the way we wanted to. I guess we can say that we’re doing well now, right?”

Chan doesn’t wait for Hyunjin to answer and leaves the room right away. The latter ponders the rhetorical question for a while, recalling the goals they have reached for the past few years. Entering the Melon chart (and staying on Top 20 for a week), having one of the most successful world tour, winning prestigious awards at prestigious music awards, 3racha getting acknowledged as the industry’s top composers, 00z winning music shows for their unit debut last year, Jeongin getting drama roles, and last but not least, Hyunjin’s successful solo debut.

Feeling nostalgic, he scrolls through his phone, looking at old photos and silly videos. Looking at the lyrics he wrote on his note app. Then he goes through @realstraykids’ posts on Instagram, from when Jeongin still had braces until tonight. The latest selcas on his own official account are still getting likes, the fans showering him with praises.

Hyunjin has ticked off everything from his wish list. He has reached every goal he set a few years ago. They are doing well. He’s doing well.

He looks at his surroundings, immersing himself in the space and peace of his room that he once craved desperately. He’s supposed to be at peace now, but his mind won’t stop buzzing, asking himself what to do next.

For the very first time, Hyunjin realizes that he’s now floating on Cloud 9. Everything is perfect, he’s living his dream life. But at the back of his head, he can hear the clock ticking, ready to push him over the edge the moment he loses his balance, watching him fall all the way to the pits of hell.

Everything is perfect, but why does his heart feel so empty?

Hyunjin’s brows furrow as he tries to catch some comments the fans are posting. When he was a rookie he couldn’t get used to how fast the comments come in, and it’s something that doesn’t quite change. Probably he got used to it at some point, but they kept gaining fans that the comment section is always extremely active.

“Hyunjin oppa,” he pronounces the words slowly. ”Spo-spoiler please!”

He lifts his head to give the viewers a secretive smile. “Nope.” He wiggles his forefinger. “You have to wait for the teasers!”

“Ohhh the comments! You guys are so excited I can’t keep up!”

More comments flood in, and Hyunjin has to press his phone screen in order to read the one comment he’s been trying to read. “Recommend me a song, please!”

“Uhhh—” He takes some time to think of the songs he’s been listening to, tapping his fingers against the surface of the table while the comments keep coming in, but this time he spots words that stab him right on his gut. With trembling hands, he lifts his phone, clicking the report button as subtle as possible. His vision grows blurry as he reports every single comment that has the word “fuck you”, “die” or “talentless” in it.

The pause has become too long and too awkward, so he stops himself from reporting more and stares at the lens. “Ah, song recommendation!” he exclaims. “I have quite a lot but thesedays I’ve been listening to 00z songs a lot. We had so much fun promoting together.”

Hyunjin feels his other phone vibrating in his pocket, probably his mother checking in. It gives him a boost of energy, and he tells his fans he’ll stay with them for 10 more minutes. “When we’re just talking like this, I’m always reminded that we’ve come so far,” Hyunjin says, a smile on his face. “It feels good to know that all of you are making time for us, for me, after your busy day. And no, I’m not sleepy. Don’t worry, everyone!”

He reads some more comments, mostly cheesy pickup lines to cheer himself up as his brain is still trying to get all the hurtful words out of his system. “Ah, I think I have to go now,” Hyunjin announces lowly. “I have to go back to practice, if not Chan hyung will barge in and drag me back to the practice room.”

“What? You want me to get scolded by Chan hyung? Why are you so mean?!”

Hyunjin ends up staying for 20 more minutes before finally ending the broadcast. Conversation with his fans is something he values a lot; it gives him strength and makes him laugh. It makes him feel loved and he wants his fans to feel the same.

But it’s equally tiring. He has to brace himself for some less-than-nice comments, sometimes they are way too severe for him to handle that the company sues all the commenters. You’ve told him over and over again that those people aren’t his fans.

Everything could’ve been worse. Hyunjin still considers himself very lucky that he has much more fans than haters. Still, he often imagines how it will feel if he has no hater at all, since he does have some friends who seem to only hear pretty words.

Hyunjin stays inside the room for a few more minutes, replying to Seungmin’s messages and assures him that he’ll be back soon. He idly plays one of their songs he hasn’t heard for years, the song that was always included in their setlist before being replaced by some other songs. Hyunjin initially thought he wouldn’t need that song anymore, but tonight, he needs it. Maybe he needs it more now than before.

After making a mental note to ask the other boys to add the song back to the concert’s setlist, Hyunjin leaves, cursing himself for taking too much time to regain his composure.

Should I stop or not? Should I give up or not?

“Hwang Hyunjin, stop coming into my room without my permission! You literally trespassed into someone else’s property!”

Hyunjin groans into his pillow, instantly regretting his decision to pick up your call at midnight. “I didn’t!”

“Don’t lie to me. You took Gureum with you!”

He takes a quick glance at the rabbit plushie he placed on top of his pillow. Last night, he did go home because Kkami (everyone calls him old man now) got a little sick. “I miiiiight have made a quick detour next door when I was about to leave.”

“You’re pathetic. You got soooooo many plushies and toys and cute headbands from fansigns and you stole my Gureum.”

“Stop guilt tripping me! I missed Gureum, okay? Why didn’t you take him to your dorm?”

Hyunjin senses your hesitation as you clear your throat. “Well, sometimes seeing Gureum only makes me miss everyone more, so I just left him at home.”

Now he feels guilty. Your parents are currently staying overseas to take care of your sick little sister. He pictures you coming to an empty home every two weeks, exhausted and not having anyone to welcome you.

“Do you want me to come over?”

“Our superstar isn’t busy?”

“I am, but I’m willing to sacrifice my precious time for my best friend.”

You scoff over the phone, but telling him to hurry up before ending the call. Hyunjin packs his clothes and toiletries, along with Gureum—his birthday present for your 11th birthday. You almost never sleep without it, yet the plushie still looks brand new.

Unable to hide his smitten smile, Hyunjin grabs his keys.

The apartment complex where Hyunjin lives has changed a lot over the years. The soccer field he used to play at is now a playground. The little bookstore you loved so much is now a bakery. Now there’s a big shopping mall right across the building. After saving up for a while, Hyunjin asked his parents whether they wanted to move to a bigger place. He kind of hoped that they wouldn’t want it because he wanted to stay close to you (although coming home is a real challenge for him). Luckily, his parents said no.

He enters your door password leisurely, recalling the time when your parents told him to take care of you.

So far, you’ve been the one taking care of him.

Hyunjin heads straight to your bedroom, opening the door and sees you curling on your bed. The mattress he sleeps on whenever he stays over is already laid on the floor.

“Gureum!” you yell when he throws the squishy rabbit to you. Hyunjin drops his bag and settles himself on the mattress, staring up at you.

“How’s your sis?”

You scoot towards the end of the bed, showing him a photo on your phone. Your sister is smiling; she looks much better than before, but still very pale and thin. “I haven’t called her,” Hyunjin admits. “But she got the albums I sent to her. Sent the ones signed by the others too. That kid loves Jisung, do you know that?”

“I got her into Jisung.”

He sits up, looking almost offended. “Your bias is Han Jisung?”

“This world doesn’t revolve around you, superstar.” You flash him a cheeky grin. “I wanted to ask you to let me go to the backstage again last tour, but I restrained myself. As your kind best friend, I shouldn’t abuse my privilege.”

“You know that he never cleans his room, right?”

You hum, “Nobody’s perfect, Jinnie.”

“Oh come on!” Hyunjin protests. “If it’s Jeongin I understand although he also never cleans his room. But Jisung? And you’re calling yourself my best friend!”

“He’s funny!” you argue. ”He has a nice voice—it’s really sexy when he raps, he dances well, he wrote all my favorite Stray Kids songs, and he actually had the balls to fight you. A real champ.”

Hyunjin rolls his eyes, making a gesture to snatch Gureum away from you. “And at the end of the day, you love him,” you add. “He makes you laugh too.”

Well, it’s a fact he can’t refute. You ask, “Do you think I should hit on him or something? Will people call me out? Does he have someone?”

“We are not having this conversation Y/N. I don’t care if both of you are my best friends, you’re not dating Han Jisung. What happened to that ‘hot senior’ Jung Jaehyun? The last time we called, you were so in love with him.”

The mention of Jaehyun’s name causes you to slump into your bed, covering yourself with your thick blanket. “I sort of blew it up,” you mumble. “He asked me on a real date and I said no.”

You seem to hit realization that’s way too late, and now you’re hollering, “I said no to Jung Jaehyun! Oh my God Hyunjin… I’m such an idiot!”

Hyunjin can’t contain his giggles. Relief washes over him; you and Jaehyun seemed rather serious and while he wished you well, the thought of you being with someone else always pains him. He knows he’s not allowed to feel that way just because you’re best friends.

Most of the times, he can’t help it.

“He’s a real gentleman and he said he was into me. ME. Everyone would throw themselves at him but he came up to me and I flat out rejected him. What the hell is wrong with me?!”

You’re rolling on your bed, whining and kicking at the air. “I tried not to think about it but… it was just a date? Even if I didn’t end up dating him at least I could tell my grandchildren that I went on a date with Jung Jaehyun!”

“Is he really that great?” Hyunjin asks, out of curiosity but laced with jealousy he hopes you can’t see. His words sound distant to his own ears, triggering his fear of losing you.

“Yeah, I guess?”

You nudge his legs when he doesn’t respond. “How about you? Everything’s fine? You don’t look happy thesedays.”

Hyunjin never lies to you. You have a full access to his heart; he lets you in on his happiest days when life feels like the shiniest summer. He also lets you in even after the messiest thunderstorm when he feels that everything is fucked up. This time, he wants to lock you out. There’s nothing to see, there’s nothing to fix.

His heart is empty—he is empty, and he wants to protect you from the bleakness of it.

“I’m fine, just been arguing with Felix and Minho hyung over the song we’ll perform. It feels too monotone for me, but they think it’s perfect,” he explains, not completely lying. “I don’t know if I’m being selfish but somehow I just can’t let it go.”

“Have you tried explaining to them? Not how you feel, but how the song is. You can always go technical, you don’t need to worry just because Minho is more experienced.”

Hyunjin sighs. “I did, but probably it’s just me.”

“Do you wanna talk things out?” You yawn, squishing Gureum into your chest. “Or do you want to just sleep?”

He glances at the clock. “We both need sleep. It’s almost 3A.M.”

“Alright. Good night—I mean good morning!”

Hyunjin stretches his neck to look at you, your eyes are already closed. He relaxes his body and tries to sleep, but his jumbled mind keeps him awake. Hyunjin waits until you’re fast asleep before scooting closer, softly taking your hand in his before closing his eyes once again. He did it a lot when he was younger, holding your hand until he fell asleep. You nagged at him because it woke you up, but you never told him to stop doing it.

Tonight is no different.

“Hyunjin?”

“Sorry.”

You turn to him, “It’s okay.”

He mumbles a thank you, ready to go to sleep when you move to the mattress. Hyunjin gulps at the close proximity, it’s been too long since you slept on the same bed as him.

“Hyunjin, I missed you.”

Hyunjin heard a theory somewhere: 3.A.M-conversations are the most honest. It’s a little over 3A.M now, and he doesn’t how much of that theory is true, but your words fuel something deep within him. The feeling so strong he has to tear his gaze away from you. Hyunjin slowly pulls you into his arms, patting your back in rhythm with the clock.

He grazes his lips on your shoulder, mouthing his reply quietly, “I missed you too.”

You nod against his chest, pulling your hand out of his grasp so you could circle your arms around his torso.

Hyunjin falls asleep almost immediately, succumbing to the warmth and comfort you radiate.

He’s going to be alright.

“Do you think I’ll ever debut?”

Hyunjin takes off his SOPA jacket, plopping onto the bed while you’re munching on a pack of jelly. “Let me sleep for 10 minutes. I have to go to the company after this.”

You slap his thigh. “Why do you always sleep in my room? If I got a dollar everytime you sabotage my bed I’d be really rich now. Get out, you have practice!”

He reaches for your knee, using it as a pillow. Hyunjin feels you soften as you card your hand through his hair. “Is it hard? Are those mean hyungs still bothering you?”

Hyunjin shakes his head. “Changbin hyung told those motherfuckers to mind their own business.”

“Stop cursing!” you hiss. “It’s not cool, and what if you accidentally curse on broadcast later? You have so much to learn…”

Hyunjin opens his eyes and smiles when he meets your gaze. “Do you think I’ll ever debut?” he repeats his question.

“Have you seen yourself dancing? You’re better than most of the trainees I saw at the open showcase. Plus you have so many girls screaming your name. No offense, but that is definitely a plus point.”

You give his head a little smack when you notice doubt flashing through his orbs. “I believe in you, Hyunjin. Don’t doubt yourself,” you tell him softly. “And if you need someone to give those ‘motherfuckers’ a lesson, just call me. I know some people who can shut them up.”

He lets out an obnoxious gasp. “Are you a gangster now?! Your parents are going to be so disappointed in you. Looks like you have to say goodbye to medical school now…”

You sigh, now it’s your turn to look at Hyunjin with doubt in your eyes. “I’ll get in, right? What if I flunk my results later?”

“This is why I hate smart people,” he bemoans. “You rank first in the whole school, stop saying nonsense.”

Both of you a few more minutes lying in silence. When he waves you goodbye, Hyunjin feels like he can soar.

He’s safe with you, and you’re safe with him.

“Hwang Hyunjin, get off me!”

Hyunjin wakes up to you trying to untangle your legs from his. He catches your flailing legs, removing his before examining your face. “It’s almost noon. Aren’t you running late?” you pester, pointing at the clock.

“Lunch?” he asks.

This is supposed to be awkward. Hyunjin can’t recall what happened a few hours ago before blushing—he’s never been that intimate with you before. You two have had a fair share of platonic cuddle sessions, but last night felt different.

“Not yet,” you mutter. “I just woke up. Oh God my back hurts.”

He wants to know whether you feel the same, but you’ve made your way to the bathroom before he could ask anything. “What do you want to eat?” you yell, almost incoherently due to the toothpaste in your mouth.

“You’re not going to shower?” Hyunjin playfully shrieks.

“It’s my day off!”

“My mom must’ve cooked something. Gimme 10 minutes.”

Although he’s done this at least a hundred times, it’s still hard for Hyunjin to leave home. Seeing his he’s never able to stop his heart getting heavier at the sight of bidding his family goodbye until God knows when.

“Please come home more Y/N,” his mother asks you, raising her eyebrow. “Hyunjin seems to randomly pop up whenever you’re here, so please, come home more.”

You smack his back loudly, causing him to let out a choked groan. “I’ll teach him a lesson, don’t worry.”

Hyunjin gives his mother a sheepish smile, knowing all too well what she meant. He pulls you out before she starts grilling him for information, yelling one last goodbye before closing the door. You search for something inside your bag, stopping him from pressing the elevator button.

“You left something?”

“My dorm key,” you answer, walking back to your own unit. “You should just go,” you say. “It’s in the middle of the day anyways, we shouldn’t be seen together.”

Hyunjin follows you inside, watching you rummage through one of the buffet drawers. He notices how your shoulders are slumped and the way your eyebrows furrow. As his mind wanders to last night once again, you jab at his stomach lightly. “Hey, you’re spacing out.”

“Oh,” is all Hyunjin can say. He takes a good look of you, something he always does before he parts ways with you. Before he can stop himself, Hyunjin has wrapped his arms around you, letting you hear his erratic heartbeat. He still misses you, even after spending the whole night together.

Eventually, you pull away. “I’ll go first.” You ruffle his head. “See you when I see you?”

“See you soon,” he corrects you.

You smile, taking your bag from the floor and when he blinks, you’re gone.

Hyunjin still misses you now, even when you were just in his embrace a few minutes ago, burying your head into the crook of his neck. The empty space in his heart seems to expand whenever he thinks about you.

It hurts.

Minho ends the dance practice and everyone collapses on the floor the moment the music stops playing. Hyunjin immediately restarts the discussion they had before practice started.

“We used to sing both Grow Up and You Can Stay, why do we have to choose one now?” he demands while all of them are sprawled on the floor. “Our fans miss it too, I think it’s the perfect chance to bring it back.”

Chan takes a deep breath, nodding at Hyunjin. “I can’t see why not,” he says with a chuckle. “I don’t even remember why we abandoned it in the first place.”

Hyunjin does, and he knows Chan does too. It was simple, really. The song that once gave them comfort turned into this big monster made out of their worst nightmares. Each member had cried to the song during some of their concerts, and now performing it in front of everyone always brings back the painful memories.

“Yeah, we should sing it again,” Felix adds, kicking Jisung’s leg so the latter would sit up and voice out his opinion. “Well.” Jisung scratches the back of his head, “I’m cool with it.”

The rest of the group mumbles similar answers and Chan claps, giving Hyunjin a thumbs up. “Hyunjinnie is all grown up,” he praises before gathering his things and leaves. Hyunjin snorts at the leader’s compliment, but his sparkly eyes can’t fool anyone.

He pulls out his phone to relay the happy news to you, but the sparks in his eyes quickly fade when his messages from hours ago are still unread.

“What time are we leaving tomorrow?” he asks.

Seungmin checks his phone. “5A.M.”

Hyunjin wipes his sweat, chugging his water. Their American tour starts in a few days, and while he’s ecstatic because they’ll be performing at LA Staples Center for the first time, he also feels uneasy.

He takes out his phone, opening his contacts and stops when he sees your name. He stares at the number he remembers by heart.

“You okay?” Seungmin asks. “If you’re worried about District 9’s formation change, don’t. You nailed it today.”

“District 9…” Hyunjin trails off. “We’re getting too old for District 9.”

Jeongin grunts in agreement. “Whenever we finish my head always spins for like a minute. It’s been too long.”

“Yah,” Seungmin scolds him. “You need to get it checked. What if there’s something wrong with your head?”

The youngest does an exaggerated head banging, earning a kick from the puppy-like boy. Hyunjin chuckles at the two’s antics; some things never really change, and he’s grateful that this is one of those things.

Seungmin throws a playful punch at Jeongin’s stomach one last time before focusing his gaze back on Hyunjin. “Seriously though, did something happen?”

Hyunjin’s brain has a lot of template answers to questions like this, but the cliché words on tip of his tongue feel burning. His friends wait patiently as he fumbles for words, blinking his tears away when he fails to find the right words.

“I don’t even know if there’s anything,” he finally concludes. “It’s just—ever since Bonsang, it’s been hard. It’s been… nothing. Empty.”

Seungmin and Jeongin only nod, as if they understand how he feels. They probably do, Hyunjin thinks. Maybe he’s not the only one. Maybe all of his members have experienced it at some point, although at different times. Hyunjin feels slightly relieved at the thought. I’m not insane.

When he was a trainee, he thought everything would be fine once he debuted. It was, to some extent. But he was young and naïve, and when things beyond his control happened, Hyunjin barely managed to stay afloat. People told him how to handle stress, how to voice out his concerns, how to manage his body, mind and soul. He knew how to survive, theoretically.

No one actually taught him nor the other boys, and for an 18 year-old boy, feelings got intense quickly. After some trials and errors, everyone figured that it was best not to bottle up their feelings. Once again, it sounded easy in theory. In reality, with so many things happening at once, most of them eventually created a space in their own heads to seal everything in. They endured.

Jeongin looks at him with hesitation, rubbing his hands together. “It happens,” he reassures him. “It’s okay to worry about it, hyung. But worry about it with me, please!” Jeongin raises his tone. “You can barge into my room anytime. You can annoy the hell out of me, but stop suffering alone, will you?!”

Seungmin can’t miss the chance to tease the maknae. “Says the one who cried alone all night long in the bathtub after losing his voice.”

“If I hadn’t found you, you would’ve passed out,” Hyunjin adds. Jeongin lifts his hands in defeat. “Whatever. But I meant what I said.”

“Our Jeongin is so dependable,” Hyunjin coos.

“You say that all the time.” Jeongin rolls his eyes. “And then still baby me.”

Seungmin takes Hyunjin’s phone from the floor, passing it to the owner. “Call Y/N.”

Hyunjin panics a little. “Why?”

Seungmin shrugs. “Better days start after meeting the person you want to see the most!”

“Speaking of you and Y/N,” Jeongin quips. “You guys aren’t in high school anymore, stop flirting with each other and date already.”

Hyunjin gets a surge of bravery and dials your number, but immediately regrets his decision with each passing minute. He almost ends the call when you finally answer. “Hyunjin?”

“H-hi,” he stammers. “Busy?”

“Kind of... What? What happened?”

“Can we meet? I only need a couple of minutes. You’re in Seoul, right?”

“I am. Hyunjin, what’s going on? You’re scaring me.”

It’s scaring me too.

“I want to tell you in person. Where are you? I’ll come to you.”

Hyunjin isn’t sure when the lines between best friends and something more started to get blurry. The worse thing is, he realized it way too late and things got complicated before he could do anything about it.

“It’s too late to back out,” he mouths to himself while opening the stairwell door in the hospital you’re currently at. You’re sitting on one of the steps, dozing off as your head hits the wall every now and then.

Hyunjin runs his hand through his hair, guilt consuming him. He sits beside you, pulling your head to his right shoulder. The two of you always attended the same school until high school, when he decided to enroll in SOPA instead of a regular school. Since then, he never really knows what’s going on in your life. You told him about your close friends, the small fights, medical students’ inside jokes, the good looking boys, all the knowledge and experiences you’re grateful for despite the never-ending suffering and constant lack of sleep. You told him everything, but he’s never actually seen you in your world.

You’ve seen enough of his world—you’ve gone to his concerts, awards shows, even fansigns (as a prank because you wanted to see him getting all flustered while pretending not to know you). Hyunjin never has the time or makes an effort to do the same, and while it’s completely understandable due to the nature of his job, he feels like he’s going to lose you.

As he brushes your hair out of your face, Hyunjin asks himself whether he’s good enough for you.

“Whoa,” you suddenly whisper, straightening your body. “Did I fall asleep?”

Hyunjin stops you from getting up. “You must be tired.”

“So are you.” You remove his hand from your head. “So tell me. What’s going on?”

You’re here, sitting beside him, only wanting truth to come out of his mouth. Hyunjin bites his lip, the urge to just let go is eating him up, his soul begging him to get some answers. The familiar hollowness is back, and tears start to roll down his cheeks.

This isn’t the first time he cries in front of you, so you just pat his head, waiting for the tears to stop. “I’m sorry,” he groans. “I’m so sorry Y/N.”

You lift his head, eyes looking straight into his. “What for?” you mutter. “Hyunjin, please tell me.”

Hyunjin makes a silent plead at himself to toughen up, but it’s hard when you’re staring at him like this, wide eyes filled with raw concern and sincerity that never fail to touch the deepest part of his heart. “Hmm?” you prompt, still patting his head ever so softly.

“It’s been hard,” Hyunjin sniffles. “It’s hard to look forward to the future. I feel restless all the time. I have nothing to fight for. It’s…,” He makes gestures with his hand in attempt to explain it better. “… empty.”

You wipe his tears with the sleeve of your white coat. “Do you know why you feel that way?”

Hyunjin nods. “We’re doing well, we really are… and that’s probably why. Everything is going too well I don’t know what thrills me anymore. I thought I’d feel content once I reached all of my dreams, but that’s not the case.”

He examines your face, rehearsing the next lines in his head again and again. You cock an eyebrow, encouraging him to continue. And the last bit of Hyunjin’s defense crumbles with every blink of your pretty eyes.

“And you… I miss you all the time. Even when you’re right here with me, I still miss you. I have to hold back whenever I’m with you because I don’t want you to run away from me. I love you, Y/N. I don’t know when it all started but maybe I’ve always loved you and it hurts me not being able to tell you that. The emptiness… it gets worse whenever you tell me we shouldn’t be seen together or that you have to go or when you have other boys like Jaehyun who are clearly better for you than I am because they can be there for you. I love you so bad you don’t know how hard it is to go through days without you, without kissing you good night, without hearing you laugh for me. I keep thinking, ‘what if you’re suddenly gone?’ Maybe you’ll leave me someday, maybe you’ll tell me that you can’t be my friend anymore, but I need you, Y/N. I love you and I need you here with me to keep going. I—”

Hyunjin watches you slowly—very slowly—retract your hand from his head as words fail him, and he feels as if his guts are being hammered to pieces. He can’t read your eyes, can’t even try to define what your gaze means.

You eventually stand up, pulling him up with you. “I’m not the answer, Hyunjin,” you mutter. “You can’t expect that you’ll never feel empty again once I say that I accept your feelings. It’s just—it’s not fair. This isn’t just about us not being together.”

“But—”

“I know,” you cut him off, your body start shaking due to all the tension. “I know. That’s how you feel, and I can’t dictate you what to feel and not to feel. Think about it like this…”

You pause to check if he’s still listening to you. He nods, weakly.

“… you spent years working your ass off to get recognition from everyone, and you did it. Don’t ever forget that, I’m begging you. So all of your dreams have come true and you feel lost now… it’s okay. You have a lot of time, Hyunjin. You can always have a new dream, you can have a thousand more. Don’t make me the answer to everything just because you haven’t found any other answer.”

You wait for him to respond, but Hyunjin is frozen to his spot. His world is now upside down, and he doesn’t know how long it will take to fix everything.

Your phone rings, snapping him out of his trance. You look at him apologetically. “I have to go.” Those damn words again. “Ask Seungmin to help you ice your face, you don’t want to show up at the airport with swollen eyes, do you? Call me before you take off, okay? Hyunjin?”

He can only nod, trying his best to give you the most reassuring smile. He feels everything all at once: shock, shame, sadness… but mostly regret because you’re right.

You always are.

“Have fun on tour! Send me all the photos you take!”

Now it’s turn for Hyunjin’s phone to ring as you make your way out, leaving him alone. He’s about to press the green button when the door opens once again. Hyunjin lets his phone ring, watching you fidget with your hands.

He’s still pretty much tongue-tied, but forces himself to ask, “Did you ever… love me? As more than friends?”

To his surprise, you take quick steps towards him, tiptoeing to press your lips on his. Your eyes are closed, your hands are tied to your sides and it takes Hyunjin his whole willpower to refrain himself from pulling your body closer, wrapping his arms around you and kissing the life out of you. He closes his eyes and just stands there, accepting whatever you’re willing to give him because there’s nothing he yearns more than your love and trust.

Hyunjin almost whines when you pull away with red cheeks and teary eyes. “Come back to me when you’re ready. I’ll wait for you. Only you.”

It’s Hyunjin’s 10th (or 11th? He can’t really remember) visit to New York, but he’s still as excited as a kid with his lollipop. After years of traveling from country to country, Hyunjin realizes that he just doesn’t get bored, ever. Each place holds a special memory he keeps close to his heart, something sentimental that motivates him to go back every chance he gets.

“Stand there,” he motions at Seungmin—the only one who’s willing to accompany him walking around the Empire State Building for the nth time—to stand at the spot he points at. Seungmin follows his instruction, smiling when Hyunjin starts counting. They examine the result and Seungmin shoves his leg. “I guess you finally learned something.”

Hyunjin feigns hurt, setting his camera’s focus on a group of kids, holding his breath before pressing the shutter. “As if you taught me anything.”

He glances at his bandmate who’s busy taking photos with his own camera. Photo hunting with Seungmin is always in Hyunjin’s “limited free time” itinerary. They’ve strolled around so many cities together, sometimes it takes the whole day if time allows them. Strangely, Seungmin never gets bored of it either and although it’s no surprise since he loves photography more than anything else, Hyunjin is grateful.

“You never say no whenever I ask you to take photos with me,” Hyunjin states. “Why?”

Seungmin frowns. “What kind of question is that?”

“Just wondering,” Hyunjin mumbles. “We do pretty much the same thing everytime. Sometimes I force you to go to the places we’ve been to… don’t you get bored?”

“It’s always different everytime, I thought that’s why sometimes you take photos at the same place? It’s never exactly the same, don’t you think?”

Hyunjin goes through the photos he took in New York last year, smiling at some of them as he recalls the funny anecdotes behind them. When he slips his phone back into his jeans pocket and lets his eyes wander… yes, nothing is exactly the same.

“You truly are a photographer. When’s your next exhibition, Photographer Kim?”

Seungmin snaps his finger. “Ah! Exhibition! I forgot to ask you, why don’t we held a joint exhibition this time?”

“You want to show your photos along with my photos?”

“Why not? Yours are amazing too! And you’re my best friend, it’ll be fun.”

Hyunjin imagines having his photo framed on the wall. Small placards pinned underneath, containing the words he constructs to explain each of them. The fans will come to feel how it feels like to be here behind the lens. Maybe people who don’t even know him will come too, and get a chance to actually know him.

He reaches his phone to relay the idea to you, smiling to himself when he finds messages from you instead.

y/n: [sends a picture]

y/n: ahreum finally woke up today! isnt she pretty?

me: everyone is prettier than you

me: you must be happy!!

y/n: ??????

y/n: oh. she asked me to recommend boygroup songs

y/n: i made her listen to every single skz song

y/n: and your solo songs!!!!

me: awwwwwww

me: and you cant be doing this for free right?

“Is that your best friend slash girlfriend?” Seungmin is suddenly standing behind him, reading over his shoulder. “You guys are so cute it’s making me feel sick.”

Hyunjin sighs, gazing at the busy street upon him. “We’re not dating. At least not yet.”

“What happened? Just realized that I never really asked.”

“She asked me to come to her when I’m ready.”

Seungmin looks at him quizzically, but decides not to press him further. “Are you ready now?”

They’re flying back to Seoul next week, and while he thought he wouldn’t be able to enjoy the tour, he truly did. He thinks of all the good things that have happened: the sold out shows, the happy tears, his improvement, the upcoming exhibition with Seungmin, and lastly, you—the one who’s patiently waiting for him.

There have been a lot of times when Hyunjin feels like he’s everywhere but nowhere at the same time. It sounds scary, but now he realizes that he only needs to admit that he’s indeed everywhere, but never nowhere.

“Almost.”

The instrumental of Grow Up starts to play and all the boys rush back to their designated positions. The atmosphere turns a bit more sentimental as the bridge approaches, they’re just looking at each other while Minho is singing his part. In the past, they often teased each other during this very part, afraid that they would break down if they let their emotions overtake them. Hyunjin averts his gaze to the audience, watching the beautiful color of their lightsticks light up the huge stadium. As he gestures at some of the fans to stop crying, Hyunjin thanks himself for convincing the others to add the song back to their setlist.

The song comes to an end, and Chan gathers everyone to make a circle. Hyunjin feels pats on his head and back, Chan’s voice drowned by the fans who are still singing. He can’t resist the urge to turn around, so he does just that, and what he won’t trade what he sees for anything.

Their fans are standing there, eyes focused on everyone on stage as they sing each syllable perfectly. Changbin follows his gaze, and soon all of them are facing the audience again, listening to every wish, every hope, and every message relayed through the lyrics of the song.

Hyunjin lifts his mic, eyes darting to Chan who gives him a nod of approval. “Thank you,” he begins. “This is our last stop for this tour, and I can’t be any prouder and thankful to all of you.”

He lets the translator translate his speech before continuing, “I had a lot of worries before the tour started. I honestly thought I wouldn’t be able to go through everything.”

“You made our dreams come true,” Hyunjin continues. “You made my dreams come true and I naively thought that was the end of everything. But I learned a lot during this tour, and once again, you made this happen. All the pretty words you told us, they mean a lot. They always will. I realized that this will always be my dream, no matter how many times this has come true. I want to make you, who stay with us throughout everything, happy. I want to be here for a very long time. I want to be with you, to be with the members and our family, for a very long time.”

He stops when he feels he can’t continue anymore, letting the others take the spotlight. He gives each of his bandmates with a loving gaze, stopping at Minho who lets tears roll down his cheeks this time. Jeongin is giggling beside him, walking over to wrap the tsundere hyung in a firm hug.

Hyunjin thinks they’ve really come a long way.

Being back home usually gives Hyunjin a peace of mind, but when he sees no notification on his phone, he feels weird. He dials his mother’s number, his heart grows even more anxious when she picks up.

“Oh Hyunjin-ah, did you just land?”

“Yeah.”

“Can you come over here? Or do you have an important schedule?”

“No, we get 2 days off. What’s going on?”

“Y/N’s sister passed away. Sorry we didn’t tell you sooner, we didn’t want you to panic.”

“Eomma! How could you?”

“I’m sorry. This is Y/N’s request as well. She’s been here for 2 days and no one can make her eat anything. Can you take her home?”

“I’ll be there soon.”

“You’re going to live in Germany! You’re such a lucky kid!”

The little girl smiles bashfully as you pout at her. “The luckiest girl on Earth,” you add, fixing her messy hair.

“If you’re so jealous of me, why don’t you come along?”

“Are you kidding?” you exclaim. “I’m on my way to be the greatest doctor in this country. You can’t change my mind.”

“Alright, it’s time to go,” your father interrupts, giving you one last hug before whispering things into your ear. Hyunjin steps back to allow you say goodbye to your family, tearing up at the painful sight. Your father, a doctor, accepts an offer to work in a hospital in Germany and takes the whole family with him since your sick little sister needs more intensive treatment.

But you’re staying to become a great doctor like your father, hoping you’ll get a chance to cure your sister later.

“Please take care of her, Hyunjin. We trust you,” your mother tells him. Hyunjin nods, enveloping your hand in his. “Don’t worry, I’ll be here monitoring her every move and drag her back home whenever she spends too much time at the academy.”

Your sister laughs, bowing to Hyunjin. “I also want a boyfriend like Hyunjinoppa! Please take care of our unnie.”

You yank your hand away from him. “He’s not my boyfriend!”

Hyunjin seems unbothered by your statement, bowing to your family to annoy you more. “Our family will take care of her, you can trust us.”

Your sister’s smiling face greets Hyunjin as he enters the funeral home. He stares at the photo then closes his eyes to pray, whispering strings of apologies that’s always too late. I’m sorry I never visited you. I’m sorry I failed to take care of your sister. I’m sorry I didn’t call you enough.

He bows to your family, the first bow since years ago, and he wishes he could turn back time. Hyunjin turns to you, gazing into your tired eyes. Your mother pulls him towards you. “She hasn’t eaten at all. Can you please bring her home, Hyunjin? I hope you’re not too busy. I’m sorry that we meet like this.”

“Hyunjin just landed in Seoul. How could you force him to come here?” you snap, returning his gaze. “Go home. I’ll call you later.”

Hyunjin almost yells in frustration, but swallows everything before dragging you out, only tightening his grip on your wrist when you try to pry his hand off of you. You keep shouting at him, yelling at him to stop, but Hyunjin doesn’t budge. He drags you all the way to his car, opening the passenger door for you.

“Get in the car, Y/N.”

Without waiting for you to move, he lifts your body and sits you down, fastening your seatbelt. “Please don’t push me away,” he pleads. “Why do you always tell me go home, go back to practice, to leave… why?! I promised your parents to take care of you. I promised your sister, why aren’t you letting me do that?!”

“I never asked you to do that,” you mutter through gritted teeth, causing Hyunjin to grip your shoulders.

“You only said that to hurt me,” he replies. “Even now you’re still trying to push me away. I want to be here Y/N. Don’t you want me here?”

You avoid his eyes, keeping your gaze on your clasped hands. “Tell me,” Hyunjin challenges. “Tell me that you don’t want me to stay with you, and I’ll leave.”

He waits for you to respond, letting out a relieved sigh he doesn’t bother hiding when you shake your head. “Want you here. Thank you.”

“Have you cried?”

After your sister was born, you were told not to shed tears in front of her. Your parents always scolded you if you started crying when you saw her in pain, and after some time, it became a habit. A habit that Hyunjin absolutely despises since it makes you suppress your feelings, as if punishing you for having feelings.

“I don’t know… maybe I haven’t.”

“You lost your sister, you can cry. Your parents cried a lot too, it’s fine.”

You nod, resting your head in the crook of his neck when tears start to well up. Hyunjin presses a kiss on your temple, finding himself tearing up the moment you start sobbing, something he has never witnessed although he’s known you for almost his whole life.

“Is this your Armani suit?” you manage to voice in the middle of sobs and snorts. He takes you into his embrace, chuckling, “Yes, but you can ruin it however you want. Another privilege as my best friend.”

“Can I abuse this privilege?”

“Ruining my expensive suits?”

“No,” you laugh airily. “Crying when you’re with me.”

Hyunjin cups your wet cheeks, gently pushing your hands away when you want to wipe your tears away. “Anytime. You can cry, laugh, curse, get angry, get drunk… you can do anything when you’re with me.”

And that’s all it takes before you start sobbing into his suit again. Hyunjin is standing there for the longest time, sandwiched by the passenger seat and door of his car with you in his arms. He doesn’t care, he will do it all over again, and he will do much more. For you, and only you.

“Where are you? It’s past midnight already!”

“Hwang Hyunjin, you’re lucky I’m willing to go home when I have a morning shift tomorrow,” you scold him over the phone.

“It’s my birthday! Wait, it isn’t even my birthday anymore!” he whines in an obnoxious tone that never fails to upset you. He giggles when he hears you huff, the sound of the elevator signaling that you’ve already arrived.

“You asked me to buy you a cake right before I left,” you hiss. “Now open the door, I’m outside.”

The call ends and Hyunjin rushes to the door. You’re carrying the red velvet cake he requested, the candles already lit and Hyunjin tries not to melt at the way you look at him. He did ask you to buy him a cake and “surprise” him at your apartment, but he is nowhere near ready to see you like this: all smiley and cheery for him despite sounding annoyed over the phone.

“Happy birthday,” you sing song, your smile growing wider as he blows the candle. Hyunjin returns your smile before taking the cake from you, pulling you towards your room. “Go get changed, I’ll slice the cake for you.”

A few minutes later, both of you are seated on your couch, talking about every little thing while enjoying the cake. Hyunjin tells you about Stray Kids’ upcoming comeback, a very special one since Minho choreographed the title track. You tell him about various cases that happened in the hospital while wondering if you’ll ever finish medical school and actually be a doctor.

Everything feels the way Hyunjin expects it to be, until you put your empty plate on the table and look at him straight in the eyes. “Hyunjin…”

He quickly swallows and places his plate on the table as well, never breaking eye contact with you. “What?”

You gulp. “Do you remember when I asked you to come find me when you’re ready?”

“Feels like yesterday.”

“Well,” you murmur. “I’m just wondering if you’re… ready.”

Fire lights up in his stomach, and before you can continue, Hyunjin is already trapping you between his body and the couch. “I am,” he says. “Are you?”

You brush his fringe with your fingers. “You were waiting for me?”

“You told me to start dreaming again, so I did,” Hyunjin recalls. “And I realized that all of my dreams are right in front of me—you, my family, the hyungs, Jeongin, the fans… keeping you guys with me is something I’ll always dream of although all of you are already here.”

You pout at him, but Hyunjin doesn’t miss the proud gleam in your eyes. “Then what’s taking you so long?”

He pinches your nose. “I waited for you to be ready, as you said before, it wasn’t just about us being together. I don’t want you to choose me only because you feel like you need me. I want you to… want me… to love me with a clear head. Just like what you wanted me to do. I want to give you the world, but only if you allow me to.”

You circle your arms around his neck, sighing happily, “You gave me the world, Hyunjin. You listen to me, you console me, you give me a shoulder to cry on. You’re the only one I’ve ever waited for, and I’m so glad that you came back to me.”

Hyunjin is sure that his whole system has stopped working, the words you just uttered feel like the strongest, yet the sweetest liquor he’s ever tasted. He is drunk on the love you offer; he’s drunk on your touch, your smile and everything you want to give him. You’re driving him nuts, completely nuts, but it’s the only thing he wants to feel. You are the only one he yearns to feel.

You seem to sense his burning gaze and start nibbling on your bottom lip. “So this is the part where you kiss me…”

“This is the part where I kiss you…”

You shake your head. “This feels weird. You’re my best friend.”

“You kissed me,” Hyunjin reminds you. “It’s not like we’ve never done it before.”

“No, but—” You pause to let yourself breathe. “I kissed you. This is different, I’m not going to survive you kissing me.”

“For the love of God Y/N, just—”

You point at your lips. “And I still have my lipgloss on!”

Hyunjin is caressing your reddening cheek now, trying to destroy the last bit of your defense. “And what’s wrong with that?” he asks softly.

“It’s sticky! Our lips will get stuck and it won’t be romantic.”

“So what do you want to do? Go into your room and wipe it off with a cotton pad or something?”

“Yeah, let’s do—”

Hyunjin doesn’t let you finish as he finally dives in, capturing your lips in a searing kiss that set both of you on fire. He hums when he feels your body relax in his hold, allowing him to savor you with so much longing and want. Hyunjin lets his heart take the lead, kissing you harder whenever you tug the ends of his hair and making him putty under your touch. It never feels enough, it feels like he only gets hungrier everytime you return his kiss, the feeling of your lips moving against his almost destroys him.

Nothing is stopping him now, he came back to you and you welcomed him with open arms. Hyunjin leaves one more open mouthed kiss on your lips before pulling away with a loud pop, taking in the sight of you trying to breathe. You slowly meet his eyes with flushed cheeks, eyes mirroring his own and Hyunjin tries to remember every single detail. “God I love you so much,” he hears himself whisper.

You smile, lifting your hand to trace his face delicately. “I love you.”

“Are you mine now?” Hyunjin knows this is childish, but he wants to hear it. He longs to hear it.

Thankfully, you’re willing to play his game tonight. “Only yours.”

“No more mourning over Jung Jaehyun?”

“Jesus Christ, do you need to stoop that low.”

“Yes.” Hyunjin pecks your nose. “He doesn’t listen to K-pop, right? Introduce him to me.”

You roll your eyes. “I love you, why the hell are we talking about Jaehyun now?”

“Then what should we talk about?”

“Since we’re on a competition to ruin the mood, lemme burst your bubble: my parents are moving back in next week so we need another place to do... this.”

“Okay,” Hyunjin answers. “What are we gonna do now?”

You wrap your legs around his torso, making him gasp. “I don’t know, kiss me again? I’m gonna tell you this just once, but I, along with thousands of other people, have always wanted to kiss you. It made me feel pathetic, but it is what it is.”

Hyunjin blushes, but refuses to lose to you. “You tried to make me not kiss you a few minutes ago and now you’re desperate to kiss me. Was I that good?”

“Hmmm I guess so,” you hum.

He swiftly lifts your body, grinning when you tighten your hold around his neck. “Well, I’m yours to kiss now,” he teases, trying to walk into room without knocking into things. You leave soft kisses all over his face, prompting Hyunjin to walk faster so he could just kiss you already.

When your back hit your bed, Hyunjin stops to admire your face. “I kissed you a long time ago, don’t you remember?”

Your eyes widen. “You? Kissed me? With those plush lips? When?!”

“You don’t remember? But it was our first kiss!”

You spend the next few minutes racking your brain before nodding. “Ah, it did happen a long time ago.”

“It’s okay, maybe you wanted to forget that moment. It was your darkest time, and I probably shouldn’t have done that.”

Shaking your head, you run your thumb along his lip. “Thank you for staying with me all these years.”

Hyunjin closes the gap between you once again, hoping to chase away all the sorrow inside your soul. You pull him closer, making him practically lying on top of you, feeling your chest rise with each touch of his lips on your skin. “Thank you,” a kiss on each of your eye, “for,” a kiss on the tip of your nose, “making me,” a kiss on your lips—this time he lets it linger, “dream,” a kiss on your chin, “again,” and a kiss on your neck.

It took Hyunjin so long to understand the world, and now he still hasn’t understood even half of it. But in the middle of his journey, he met you. He learned to dream, he learned to love you.

And he learned to love himself.

The door opens with a bang, revealing an incredibly panicked Hyunjin. He just finished training when he received a call from you, who said nothing but, “I won’t let you walk home alone.” You wouldn’t end the call throughout his way home, but refused to say anything else and almost making Hyunjin dash to the police station.

Hyunjin sees your shadow, letting out a small scream when he spots you lying on the floor in the dark. He runs to you, about to carry you back into your room when you stop him. “I feel like crying,” you rasp, choking on your saliva. “I can’t stop it.”

It’s been a month since your family left, and while you’re trying your best to be a big girl and live the way you always do, it’s not easy. Hyunjin lies beside you, eyes locked on the tears rolling down your cheeks. You never cry loudly. You never sob nor wail. You just cry silently, mostly in the dark so you can’t see yourself crying.

Hyunjin takes your hand in his, hovering over you before tracing your tears with his lips as if it can stop them. He pecks every wet spot, slowly getting to your lips. He leaves a chaste, barely-there kiss before wrapping his arms around you, whispering comforting things until you start falling asleep on the hard floor.

Hyunjin hopes you’ll allow yourself to cry however you wish to someday.

a/n: i was so happy writing this that i almost cried when i finished because i know i’m going to miss writing this one. this story feels so sentimental, happy and sad at the same time and probably that’s why i feel so attached to it. ive wanted to write this since last year, even before “give my heart a chance”. i always wondered what would happen after we reach our dreams and i hope you’ll feel a little better after reading this (especially if you’re experiencing the same thing). this story is a long journey, but i hope you’ll enjoy it.

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get-chazzed · 3 years ago

Note

When do you usually do most of your writing?

Pet peeves?

What is on your wishlist?

When do you usually do most of your writing?

I wake up very late because I have no self control and a really messed up sleeping schedule, so I do the writing from 1 pm onward, generally speaking. Then again, I have spent more than one day doing nothing but typing away on my keyboard for this account, so... Yeah. I'd like to say I do most of it during the daytime, but it depends: if a thread I like gets a reply at 2 am (which happens a lot because everyone seems to be living in the Americas?) you can bet I'll be typing a reply as soon as I get the notification (though I almost never post them right away, since I'm anxious about spelling, syntax and so on). It might be that I'm new to the scene and that I'm a situation in which I have little else to do, but I get really excited whenever I get a reply or an ask and will jump at the chance to start interacting with new people- which is sadly kind of hard because of how unpopular GX seems to be among the RPC. People have still been very nice to me and have been very open to testing out interactions, which I'm deeply grateful for. I am wagging my nonexistent tail of all of you, constantly. On a separate note, I do the fic writing after midnight. Always. And I hate it.

Pet peeves?

... Oof. Ok. I'll take my chance to say a bunch of things? Don't hate me for it, I don't mind any of these that much.

1) I kind of dislike writing in present tense, mostly because I find it unnatural, but I will when the other person does. I'm the opposite of picky- and it isn't necessarily a good thing.

2) Fancy formatting. It's one thing to use small text, that I don't mind one bit. But when fonts and random highlighted words are involved I get very confused? I know I use italics for emphasis and for things that are meant to be internal monologue that isn't narrated, but rather delivered by the muse himself- maybe that's annoying or distracting to someone? I bet someone out there has looked at a reply of mine and wanted to delete the post in my stead at some point.

3) Heavily edited icons. Again, icons or not, it technically doesn't make much of a difference. I personally have taken a liking to keeping my Manjoume icon folder open on my second screen- plus I'm Italian. Come on. Half my communication skills are non verbal I'm lying I suck at communicating in general. The edited icons, yes- a frame and coloured filter make icons look personal and I appreciate the work put into them, but when I can barely make out the expression I have to wonder what the point is. Aesthetics, I suppose, which is fine, of course.

4) Tumblr themes. Some themes don't allow for reblogs when you open posts on the op's blog. WHY. It's sort of annoying to have to fish for the post in order to reply to it.

5) Endless threads. Very few do this, but I think you should consider that people who are not involved in a given thread will have to scroll through it on their dashes before you reblog a thread without cropping it. That's all. I didn't know how to do it initially, but I asked and I was lucky enough to get an answer from a very kind person.

6) ... Grammar. Typos are fine and dandy. Sometimes they happen and you can't notice them because some words exist and thus are not highlighted by the spellchecker (which is on everyone's chrome, by the way). An example is 'fir' and 'for'. I can assure you there is no red squiggle under 'fir'. It's a tree, apparently. I had no clue. But yes, I am not from an English speaking country, so don't take this as like... a British dude coming up to you and bullying you because your English is bad. No. A misplaced comma is ok, I don't care. It becomes a problem when the sentences are hard to understand. That's it. (Note- if I write something that you think is an incomprehensible mess, tell me and I'll try my best to fix it.)

... I'm done. I am not angry at anyone who does any of these, believe me. Pet peeve number seven is a request. DM me for literally anything. If I do something wrong, tell me. I write a lot of extra tags to convey how I feel about what has been written and maybe it's unnecessary, but I do it so you can always know that I'm actively invested in the interaction. If I don't add tags it's solely because there is nothing to add. But if it's annoying, tell me and I'll stop immediately. That is all.

What is on your wishlist?

... This.

How very unexpected, I know.

A bunch of other things, too: I have some Jojo prints in my cart on Etsy and I know I'll never get them (sad) and a bunch of videogames on Steam and the Nintendo e-shop (which I'll never buy or play- they look neat though). On Amazon I have the last few volumes of the DM manga and the GX series (Light and Darkness Dragon, my beloved). Also also any charm that has to do with Manjoume. I haven't found any I could buy, but I want 'em all. Literally break into my house if you find one. Ah! And the matching figures of Komaeda and Hinata from Danganronpa 2! (Big Danganronpa fan, bigger Komahina shipper- I've made a fucking animatic and I can't post it because the music is copyrighted ;) ) I also have a bunch of zines I'm waiting for- some I've bought and are about to be sent out and others have only posted interest checks. 2021 was the year in which I discovered that yes, I can commission people and buy zines and it doesn't need to a big event (except I'm not rich and need to be mindful with spending of course). ... I also really want the new Pokemon games. Like right now.

... If it turns out the question wasn't actually about like... material things, but rather what I want to do with my blog and muse in the future... Well, first of all pretend I said nothing. Second, I want to find an art style I can comfortably use to make more frequent illustrations for threads and asks. I was a big fan of ask blogs as a kid (I saw them through crust screenshots and reposts only, I didn't have a tumblr lol) and I always wanted to be that cool artist that makes cool art for a given cool character. Manjoume is the coolest of characters to me, so yeah.

#(( i've written too much on the pet peeves watch me shake from anxiety for a week straight #(( but i also want to be honest so yeah there #(( it would be hypocritical to say that i love everything always #(( i want to buy a shitton of things for someone who doesn't have a job huh #(( maybe i'll try to get commissions to afford stuff... when i git gud #(( stan manjoume always #// asks #// ulri's corner #// ooc

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launenji · 4 years ago

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Center of Your Universe - A KNJ Fanfic | Prologue

Pairing: idol!Kim Namjoon x idol!Reader Status: Ongoing Word Count: 3031 Genre: Rivals2Lovers. Fluff. Eventual implied smut and angst. Slow burn. idol!AU Summary: It’s 2019 and Kim Namjoon is conquering the globe with his Bangtan brothers by his side. However, BTS can’t seem to shake their top girl group rival from chasing their names across music charts and award nominations worldwide. Now, the boys have no problem with that in any way; in fact they’ve come to respect the girls of HELIOS and their never ending climb to fame that seemed to match their own success. The only real “problem” Namjoon sees is that HELIOS’ confident, fearless, and overall badass of a leader seems to absolutely hate him. And as much as he doesn’t want to admit it, it does keep him awake at night. A/N: Hello! After a year of diving into BTS and reading fanfics about the boys, I wanted to write my own with the beloved Rivals2Lovers trope, because who doesn’t love that good shit? So this is my first official fanfiction, this will be ongoing although I’m not sure how many parts I’ll be producing, but I have the entire story line written out! I also am fairly new to how kpop fanfics are generally published on tumblr, but I’ll do my best. I hope you enjoy this story as much as I have creating it! Prologue | Ch 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3

Prologue: Definitely a (fan)Boy with Luv

March 2019 There was an unspoken rule that came about RM of BTS’ personal life, and that was to live as Kim Namjoon as soon as he steps foot in his hometown of Ilsan. RM existed while he was at work in Seoul; busy with performance schedules, writing lyrics, producing beats, recording content, and basically leading the biggest boy band of the generation to great heights of fame and success. That’s who Kim Namjoon is on a near daily basis. So when Namjoon can find the time to take a few days off and head back to his childhood home for some much needed rest, he’s only Namjoon; a regular twenty five year old guy who loves long walks among nature and grabbing drinks with old friends. And right now he was Namjoon; a regular twenty five year old guy at his parent’s home, dressed in a tank top and sweats, head bopping to his latest musical discovery on Spotify as he pours an entire bag of chips in a bowl for a mid afternoon snack in preparation for some much needed catching up on his netflix shows. Pausing the song on his phone and housing his earbuds in their case, he shimmies over to the couch with his bowl of chips in a small celebratory dance for these rare days where he can go home and actually relax. No pressing schedules to attend, no pulling out his hair to create the right lyrics for their next song, no band/roommates screaming and chasing each other around their shared Hannam apartment after yet another failed prank attempt; just him alone in the house ready to kick back and finally relax.

Armed with his snacks, drink, and the tv remote, he makes himself comfortable on the couch and finally finds that one show he’s been dying to catch up on. However, just as he’s about to press play, the front door swings open with a loud bang. “PUT. THE REMOTE. DOWN.”

A shrill voice echoes through the family apartment as the newcomer rushes in, hastily chucking her bag and keys on the counter before skidding to a stop between Namjoon and his only source of rest and relaxation for the night. Kim Kyungmin, loving younger sister to BTS’ beloved leader, stands before him with arms folded and with an unyielding glare. “Just because you’re home for the weekend doesn’t mean you can hog the tv the whole time you’re here, hand it over.” She extends out her palm, fingers flexing for the remote. Namjoon groans. “Minnie, I was LITERALLY about to watch my show, can’t you just record what you want to watch and watch it later? Y’know, when I’m usually not here?” Namjoon scoots to the other end of the couch in an attempt to continue on with his planned afternoon of relaxation. However Kyungmin manages to lunge for the remote and swipe it away at the last second, holding it above her head much to her older brother’s annoyance. “Not when you’re watching something you can literally watch anywhere else.” She shifts her pointed glare at his phone then at him before plopping down in his original spot on the couch, quickly switching through the channels to find the show she’s desperately looking for. “That doesn’t solve my solution to you recording your show and watching it later.” Namjoon points out, shoving a chip in his mouth as he watches his sister reach her designated channel. It’s a Knowing Bros episode that seemed to have just started. “If I do that then I can’t react to the episode in real time with Miyoung.” Kyungmin states matter of factly, thumbs flying across her phone as she texts her friend in question. Feeling defeated, Namjoon gives up his quest for his solo Netflix and Chill night he originally planned and settles to watch along with his sister. At least it was a show he actually did enjoy, especially when he was able to be on it with his members at one point. He reminisces his time on the show as he watches as the cast banter over some new found popular trend, the guests of the episode haven’t seemed to arrive just yet. “So who’s on the show this time?” In an immediate response to Namjoon’s question, the classroom door on tv whips open revealing four of the most recognizable women in Kpop; Lee Yuna, Chung Sumi, Han Hyojin, and their leader, Y/N L/N “It’s HELIOS!” Kyungmin lets out a high pitched squeal that Namjoon cringes away from. HELIOS. Arguably the most famous idol girl group to come out of Kpop history to date and BTS’ current standing rivals in the game. Namjoon internally scoffs; okay, so maybe the term “rival” seemed a little too harsh for their relationship to the girls. Let it be clear that there was no beef between Kpop’s fastest rising boy and girl groups despite what the media may try to spin about them. Namjoon and the boys actually do respect the ladies of HELIOS to a high regard and honestly believe that they deserve every inch of recognition and success they’ve received over the years. If the boys of BTS can understand anything, it’s the struggle of trying to make it in such a competitive and demanding environment that is the world of Korean entertainment. Much like them, HELIOS came from humble beginnings; hailing from a small entertainment company established by one of the most respected music producers in the industry. Despite debuting a couple years after BTS, HELIOS grew to be a well known name among teens and young adults. Their unique take on the “girl crush” concept and their unconventional practices of flourishing naturally as an idol group captured the hearts of many, and soon became a trending topic alongside BTS. Namjoon saw many similarities between BTS and HELIOS in the way they’ve grown to their current point of success. Much like the boys, HELIOS liked to connect with their fans personally, most of their viewership grew from watching their growth as an idol group on social media. In fact, the girls each had their own social media accounts and were good at posting daily doses of their lives on and off stage whenever they could. Their fans felt like they could really relate to them on a personal level; recognizing that, at times, these four beloved idols were just girls following their dreams. Other times, their fans were often reduced to a squealing-to-near-tears mess, as currently exhibited by Kyungmin. Namjoon was surprised she hadn’t started frothing at the mouth at this point. “Ugh! I just love them sooooo much!” Kyungmin groaned, voicing out her text message before tossing her phone aside and giving her undivided attention to the tv. On screen, HELIOS stood at the doorway as the hosts of Knowing Bros gaped in awe at their presence. The three women stood strategically in formation with you front and center. Namjoon let out a quiet sigh through his nose. Now while BTS and HELIOS had no history of any animosity towards each other (actually the only interactions they’ve really had was congratulating each other on a job well done in between set switches), the only “problem” Namjoon could find was that you, HELIOS’ renowned leader, seem to hate his fucking guts. He has voiced his concerns plenty of times to his members, especially after passing you and the girls by during music shows. You had a tendency to give everyone but him the time of day, and Namjoon didn’t know why. “You’re probably looking too much into it, hyung,” He remembers Jungkook telling him after another failed attempt to talk to the fellow leader. “I mean, you never talk to her, so I don’t think she has a reason to hate you.” “He’s right,” Jimin pipes up from across the dressing room. “It could be the way she is, after all she always looks like she’s got a 1.5 meter pole stuck up her- Ow! What!? I was just kidding!” His remark was short lived with a swift smack to the back of the head and a warning glare from Hoseok. Though it was rude to say, Namjoon couldn’t deny that, to a certain extent, you did look a little uptight most of the time.

Watching closely on screen, he studied your resting bitch face-like expression. Despite being dressed in a standard school uniform that admittedly made you look cute, you looked like you were ready to take names and kick some ass while poised in your signature power stance. One hand over a hip cocked to the side as your sharp gaze trailed over the Knowing Bros cast before walking in. Even your movements seemed powerful, as if they were carefully calculated with one foot strutting in front of the other in perfect sync with the sway of your hips, not that he was paying attention to that specific detail. His eyes quickly shifted over to your other members as they moved more naturally on to the set and waved their hi’s to the hosts. Everyone gave their applause as the girls took their place at the podium in front of the classroom. “Please introduce yourselves!” Clearing your throat, you throw on a smirk before making a creative introduction. “Hello, we are from the “Top Tier Global Rising Stars” High School.” The other girls share similar smiles as you before dropping into their standard greeting. “2, 3, Shine On! Hello, we are HELIOS!” The studio erupts in applause and awes of amazement welcoming the girls. Namjoon looked over to Kyungmin with her knees drawn to her chest and chin resting on top, staring intently at the tv. “What? No more weird orgasm sounds for your favorite girls?” That earned him a hard smack to the face. “Shh!” Well, this was his day off to relax. So as he slumped lower into the couch, Namjoon carried on watching the show alongside his sister. About 10 minutes into the show’s friendly banter, Namjoon realized that wasn’t much he knew about the ladies that made up HELIOS until now. For instance, he learned that Lee Yuna was actually the eldest of the group, being the same age as Yoongi. Their fans, appropriately named HALOS, dubbed her as one of the most beautiful women in Korea as she joked about her nickname “The Universal Beauty” to rival Seokjin’s title of “Worldwide Handsome.”

He also learned that the second youngest, Chung Sumi, was actually a naturally talented rapper who freestyled over beats she found on Youtube and posted them on soundcloud during her highschool days, which prompted her to be the first signed trainee at their entertainment company. It reminded him slightly of his underground rapping days leading up to his own path to an idol.

He even learned that Han Hyojin, their own maknae, could basically do anything from singing to rapping to dancing, making her a deadly triple threat for her young age. She could definitely give Jimin, Taehyung, Hoseok, and Jungkook all a run for their money. But what intrigued him the most was your backstory, something that you never revealed until this point. “So Y/N, you’re not actually from Korea?” Kang Hodong inquires. You shake your head in affirmation. “But you speak Korean so well!” Seo Janghoon chimes in, “Where are you from?” “The States, California specifically.” You respond, prompting a stock sound of amazement over the broadcast. “Another idol from California!” “Speak English for us! Come on!” This causes you to scoff, shaking your head. “What would you want me to say?” “Introduce yourself in English!” Yuna urges you with a bright smile, a round of cheers in the room encourages the idea. Namjoon stared in awe as he watched you introduce yourself in your native tongue to the camera. You seemed more comfortable and natural talking in English and it captivated him in a weird sort of way. Both Kim siblings kept their attention on you as the cast prods on with questions about your personal life and Namjoon can’t help but feel much more admiration for you as an idol and leader who’s made it this far after hearing your story. You share to the cast that you were nothing short of ordinary growing up. You’ve lived a normal life with your hard working parents and siblings. You were an average student with no strong ambitions to pursue for the future. The only passion you did have growing up was dancing, and it brought you as far as signing with your company to become a trainee after graduating high school. Without anything else to lose, you eventually made your way to Korea in hopes to find a suitable career that included dancing, however being an idol was totally out of your range. “So you initially didn’t want to be an idol?” Kim Heechul asks earnestly, you give a small shrug. “I didn’t think I was really cut out for it.” You answer cooly, then turn to your members with a soft expression. “But training with my members made me realize that I could do it and make something out of it.” Your girls return the heartfelt smile, something only Namjoon could completely recognize as a genuine bond between members. It tugged at his heartstring seeing this; despite your cold demeanor, you actually do care immensely for the people around you, which he could heavily relate to. If Kim Namjoon wasn’t impressed by you before, he surely was now. However that still doesn’t change the fact you can’t seem to stand him whenever he’s around you. The show finally cuts to commercial, giving Kyungmin enough time to call her friend and squeal about the events of the show. “And she was a cheerleading captain during high school! Can she BE any cooler!?” Namjoon watched incredulously as his sister took her conversation to her room for a quick break. He remembered teasing her once, when his fame with BTS began to rise exponentially, to never ask him for autographs or connections to any idols she may find herself gushing over in the near future, because he swore he’d never do it. Kyungmin only scoffed at her older brother’s feigning arrogance. “Oh please, you’ll never catch me drooling over any idol group at your expense.” If only she could see herself in a few years giving into the HELIOS craze and buying every single piece of merch she could. The look on Namjoon’s face was unbelievable when he came home one day to find Kyungmin framing a huge poster of your face to put in her bedroom. Her piercing glare stopped her brother from prodding any further with her newest obsession. “Not one word.” And with that, she carried your framed face off to her bedroom where it hangs next to her doorway. Well at least she hasn’t asked for your autograph. Not that he could get it anyway, you would definitely reject him if he even so much as breathed in your general direction. Despite finding out his sister was a die hard HALO, he was proud that she at least had good role models to look up to. However, the idea of her number one bias being the very person that hated him wouldn’t stop bothering Namjoon. Would he ever figure out why you just flat out disliked him? Should he even care at all? Why should he? It’s not like you two were friends. Did he want to be friends with you? Namjoon is pulled out of his inner monologue by his sister walking back into the living room with her hand over her mouth and eyes wide at something currently on her phone. She honestly looked like she was ready to cry. He rolled his eyes at her, now that’s just being a little too dramatic. “Alright, what is it now?”

Kyungmin wordlessly turned her phone towards her brother, revealing your personal twitter profile and your newest post. It was a new concept photo of you with the silhouettes of the rest of HELIOS behind you. Dressed in shades of burgundy and maroon, you held a finger to your red painted lips. The caption that goes with it is simple and vague, but gets its point across. “HALOS, you ready? One more time~ D-10”

Namjoon counts down the days quickly in his head, leading up to what seems to be your comeback date. Coincidentally, it’s the day after BTS’ planned announcement for their own comeback; Map Of The Soul: Persona.

He sits back and bites the inside of his cheek, deep in thought. If HELIOS was releasing their new album the same time BTS is, then you will most likely be promoting on music shows within the next coming months too. That meant more chances to pass you by in the studios and more time to figure out what the hell was your problem with him. Was it weird that the thought alone made him a little excited for your comeback more than his? His eyes caught sight of the show that just returned on air, now with you on screen teaching the hosts the moves of your latest single. He felt his cheeks heat up just a bit as he witnessed you sway your hips to the beat of your song before forcibly ripping his gaze away to look out the window instead. Yeah, it was pretty weird, and he really needed to stop dwelling on you so much. But that night, he laid in his bed, unable to get you out of his mind.

Even though he told himself to not get hung up over you, here he was under his covers at 3 AM scrolling through your Instagram, looking at every single selfie, candid shot, and freestyle dance video you’ve posted since your debut; still thinking about the fact that even though you intrigued him, you still didn’t like him. Eventually he scrolled back to your teaser photo he saw earlier that day, brows furrowing at your post before locking his phone out of frustration. Okay, he had to stop. At this rate he was going to turn into his sister, another HALO sucked into the HELIOS craze. But was that really a bad thing?

#bts fic #bts rm #namjoon x reader #rm x reader #namjoon fluff #namjoon fanfic #rm fanfic #namjoon au #bts rm x reader

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lunaraen · 5 years ago

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I figure a number of the people following me probably do because of a shared interest in Minecraft: Story Mode, and I’m absolutely going to take the time to gush and recommend a different series with a similar sense of humor and ability to balance the jokes with emotion. I know some of the people who follow me are also interested in series like Percy Jackson and Trollhunters, and I think The Last Kids on Earth series is on a similar level to them too, in the sense that it deals with stories about awesome and terrifying adventures featuring teenagers who are just doing their best and who haven’t lost their senses of humor. The Last Kids on Earth also has the benefit of, while being presented mainly through text, having many fun illustrations.

TL;DR: The Last Kids on Earth, written by Max Brallier and illustrated by Douglas Holgate, is a delightfully fun book series that twists what you might expect from a post-apocalyptic story with a just as fun Netflix mini-series adaptation, and while only Book One is up on Netflix now, it’s an hour and seven minute long episode. The series seems to be decently stocked in most libraries, including electronically, so if you’re looking for something fun, silly, and with heart to read, I definitely suggest at least checking out book one. If you want something fun, silly, and with heart to watch, and you also happen to have Netflix, I also definitely recommend watching Book One.

(Oh, and are you a total sucker for found families like I am? This series has you covered.)

More details about the first book and examples of the art and writing under the cut!

For starters, the series has a wonderfully fun art style, and the cover for the first book lets that shine. The other books’ covers are all fun too, but I think tumblr would kill this post many times over if I tried to include them all.

[ID: Illustrated cover, four defiant teenagers stand in a mostly circular formation while grey zombie-like figures with glowing yellow eyes surround them from behind. Each teenager is wielding a weapon, some of which are partly concealed and harder to identify. The character centered at the front holds a splintered and sharp baseball bat and is wearing nondescript pouches. The teenager behind him wields a crossbow with a modified soda-bottle-arrow loaded in it. The title reads “The Last Kids on Earth” in stylized green text with a dark blue border, while in smaller less stylized white text it reads “Max Brallier Author of Galactic Hot Dogs” at the top and “Illustrated by Douglas Holgate” at the bottom.]

The main character of the series, who we meet forty two days after the start of the apocalypse in his town and the Possible End of the World as We Know It™, is Jack Sullivan, a 13 year old whose foster family kinda-sorta-entirely ditched him at the first signs of trouble.

[ID: A white, black haired teenager frowning and holding a splintered baseball bat and a hockey stick while one foot rests on top of an unusual spiny reptilian-like monster head. The text above him reads in black “JACK SULLIVAN -The Hero-” while a number of flavor-text text boxes point out and describe different aspects of his apparel. One pointing to his hand reads “Annoying hand-nail I can’t stop picking at”. Another pointing at his bat says “Louisville Slicer™”. Another for his shoe, reading “Worst. Shoes. Ever.”. The hockey stick is labelled “Hockey Stick, for conking zombie heads.” The pouch at his side are described as “Emergency Peanut M&M Pouch”, while the filled water balloons also hanging at his side are labeled as “Grapefruit juice hand grenades- a blast to the eyes blinds almost anything.”]

He’s our narrator, and he copes largely through humor- a skill he needs even before the start of the apocalypse, because he’ll put himself in danger and say things he shouldn’t if it means sticking up for his best friend.

[ID: Text that reads “I felt Quint’s hand on my shirt, trying to stop me, saying ‘Jack, it’s fine...’ But it wasn’t fine. I hate jerks- whether they’re monster jerks or zombie jerks or just regular human jerks.”

Followed by illustration of characters on bus, Jack turned around in his seat and supporting himself with the back of his chair as he asks “Hey, Dirk, why don’t you pick on someone your own size, huh?” Quint, a black teenager, is sitting behind him and is partly obscured, staring at Jack and Dirk. Dirk, a large, tall white teenager with a mullet/mohawk, is a distance away from the characters and in the foreground of the image, and replies, “Find someone my size and I will.”

Text resumes, reading “I shrugged. ‘I’m sure we can find someone your size. Right, Quint?’ Quint looked out the window and closed his eye and started humming to himself, like he wasn’t involved in this. Sonofa... I turned back to Dirk. ‘Maybe a very rotund panda bear? That might be closer to your impressive figure.’ Dirk reached out and grabbed me by the collar. ‘Hey, Watch the jacket,’ I said. ‘It’s a five-time-hand-me-down. Might even be an antique.’ Dirk growled, ‘You think you’re funny?’ ‘I do. But to be fair, I also think people slipping on ice are funny. And guys getting hit in the groin. My sense of humor isn’t exactly sophisticated.’”]

From the start of the book, Jack handles the apocalypse pretty well, spending his time cataloging the monsters he comes across, keeping track of self made video-game like achievements like knocking off zombie hats, and we first find him focused on trying to get in touch with his previously mentioned best friend, Quint Baker.

[ID: Similar to previous flavor-text text box picture of Jack, with a black teenager smiling, wearing a lab coat and cap, holding a pocket watch, and wearing a large backpack with odd looking technology sticking out of it. In black, the text above him reads “QUINT BAKER -The Best Friend-”. A box pointing to his hat reads “Old-man cap.” Another points to his hair, reading “Hair smells like movie theater popcorn butter.” The pocket watch is described as “Pocket watch for looking dorky.” The text pointing at the technology sticking out of the backpack says “Always working on a new gadget or experiment.” The text for the lab coat reads “Wears a lab coat as a jacket for no good reason.” His sneaker is labelled with “Non-athlete’s foot.”]

Actually- to give you an even better idea of the series’ humor, this is pretty much where we start with Jack, followed by him explaining what he’s been doing and how he got here.

[ID: Jack in mid-air, the bat raised above his head and his legs bent to suggest he has leaped forward, above a large multi-eyed spiny monster that has many sharp teeth, two large tusks, and a long drooling tongue. In black, text above the creature reads “Deadly Duel!” In the lower right-hand corner, all-caps white text in a small black box asks “Who will triumph?!”]

(By the by, the “duel” kind of goes the way you think it would.)

[ID: Text reading “Well, basically, he triumphs. The monster’s massive hand snatches me out of midair. I’m a thimble in his gargantuan grasp. I try to grab hold of my baseball bat blade (aka the Louisville Slicer) but the monster’s crushing grip pins my arms to my sides. He pulls me in close to his face. Thick saliva, like slime, oozes down his lips. His eyes scan me over and his gaping nostrils flair as he inhales my scent. I feel like that blonde babe in King Kong. Only I don’t think this beast wants to hug me and love me... He sniffs some more, blowing my hair back as he exhales. I turn my face. His breath, it’s just- wow- my man here needs to floss. I’ve encountered other freaky beasts over the last forty-two days, but none like this. None that examined me: looking me over, smelling me, studying me.”]

Then we get all the fun backstory end of the world stuff.

[ID: White all-caps text at the top reads “Total monster zombie chaos” while below a large multi-armed, spiny, sharp-toothed, furry monster towers over a sea of zombies, flinging one car in the air as another car sits in the background.]

The end of the world monsters include everything from weird unfamiliar creatures like the one above to more familiar weird creatures like the typical zombie below.

[ID: A zombie in ripped clothing, with black text at the top labeling it a “Classic Zombie”. A speech bubble from it in shaky text reads “Mmuhhh...” and various flavor-text text boxes surround it. The speech-bubble is labeled as “Constant, creepy moaning.” The head’s text box reads “Those empty eyes- they’re spooksville.” The mouth is pointed at and its box says “Bite you and you’re one of them. Undead!” One pointing at its back warns “Stink like hot garbage.” The feet are described as “Slow, until they get close- then fast!”]

And for all the wisecracks and jokes about how well he can handle the new apocalyptic world, early on Jack is shown to be more than just a 2-D smart-mouthing teenage protagonist. He’s pretty good at coping, but he’s still 13.

[ID: Illustration above text, showing a walkietalkie shattering as it hits a rock. Black all-caps text reads “Smash!”

Normal text reads “I stared at the walkie on the ground below. I needed to talk to Quint, but -I’m embarrassed to admit- I was too scared to go down there. Too freaked out. Too scared. Too everything. So I curled up on the floor. I pulled a jacket down over me. I put my earphones in to drown out the sounds of chaos outside. And I slept. I slept for days. It got worse. Zombies everywhere. Giant monsters on the horizon. I blacked out the tree house windows and stayed put.”]

Jack doesn’t stay alone for long, though, and the first book follows him and his friends as they help each other not only survive their crazy new world but also live in it, and maybe actually have some fun along the way. While the first book largely focuses on the group coming together, later stories ramp up the scope of adventures and the threats they face while letting the characters’ interactions and care for each other shine. There’s fun development to be had and cool monster-butt to kick.

(This was my first time writing image descriptions- if you think they can be improved, let me know!)

#The Last Kids on Earth #Last Kids on Earth

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huntershowl-moving · 5 years ago

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@alreadybrcken said:

8, 9, 31, 32

honesty meme | accepting

8. Name any three things about the rpc that bother you.

1) thank u for finally letting me rant about this because it’s been stewing in my mind since u brought it up a while ago. i hate when people are passive-aggressive toward their rp partners for not getting to their thread fast enough. DO NOT DO THIS. DO NOT DO THIS. it’s immature, it puts undue pressure on your partner in what’s supposed to be a fun hobby space, and it’s really shit behavior. PEOPLE WILL RUN THEIR BLOGS HOW THEY WANT TO RUN THEIR BLOGS. i’m never going to apologize for prioritizing the threads i’m most excited about – sometimes, i’m super into a particular verse, a particular pair, or whatever, and if that’s what’s most fun to write, that’s what’s most fun to write. so i’m gonna write it first. being passive aggressive toward someone is not going to make your threads suddenly more fun to write. it’s just going to make them force out a halfhearted reply because they’re nervous or feel obligated, instead of shelving it for when they’re actually feeling the thread. just. don’t do this. good lord. 2) i’ve already talked about aesthetic elitism but THAT. i absolutely understand wanting to keep to a certain aesthetic / make your blog look nice. hell, i feel you. but it becomes super obvious after a while which ones will only give a shit if your blog is also formatted the EXACT same way, just as unreadable in aesthetic. it’s a big pet peeve of mine. in general, overly inaccessible formatting – double small text, a huge and constant variety in bold, giant words, different fonts, and colors – immediately turns me off of a blog. i read a rules doc the other day and had an actual physical headache trying to do so. part of that also: I GRUMBLE ABOUT THE TINY ICON TREND SO MUCH KAJSHFKJHSF PL E A SE. I WANT TO BE ABLE TO SEE WITH MY HORRIBLE BLIND EYES WHAT TF IS GOING ON. icons are less of a big deal tho bc i don’t have to Read Them. 3) i understand reblog karma while not practicing it myself, but i fear the growing trend of “don’t reblog anything from me, ever.” it makes me super nervous and just isn’t how i do things, or have ever done things, and in a space where i’m trying to have fun i don’t want to be looking desperately through the notes of a photo post with no desc. for the source every single time a good one pops up on the dash. so i tend not to follow if that’s a part of somebody’s rules, and it seems like it’s happening more and more often lately which makes me nervous af sjkdhfsdf.

9. What is your opinion on exclusivity? Do you practice it? Why / why not?

I DIDN’T USE TO. up until very recently, i was vehemently non-exclusive, because ... like. i’ve been on tumblr rp on and off for about seven or eight years. i’m used to my favorite partners leaving without a trace, and it breaks my heart every single time. so i tried to kind of distance myself from getting so invested in rp relationships that i’d be that upset when they inevitably leave, by keeping myself open to duplicates and remaining adaptable. but sometimes i’ll just. god. i’ll start interacting with a blog for a particular canon character and after a while, sometimes something just clicks and i don’t want to interact with other versions of that character. but even on this blog, which i’ve only had since january, i’ve already gotten burned by doing that. so i’m tentatively saying yes, i practice exclusivity, but not in an official way and not beyond a few select canon partners who i’ve got a really good and strong rp relationship with. so far you’re the only one i think? at least the only one i haven’t been afraid to slap a ‘this one’ sticker on for being exclusive. akjsdhfkf

32. Is there something you don’t know the meaning of but you haven’t asked anyone because you think it’s supposed to be general knowledge? Was there ever something you had to ask someone to explain?

honestly i’m sure there has been – most of that stuff happened wayyyyyy long ago in my first years of rp though. but as of now, i think i’m good on colloquial knowledge

WAIT NO. WHAT TF IS SESSIONBOX

Have you ever experienced discrimination?

on this blog so far? i have not. at least, not directly. if anyone’s been discriminatory towards me or hellhound for any reason, they’ve done it quietly enough that i haven’t noticed, but i’ve made sure to surround myself with good people so? if anyone tries they will get-a-Blocked.

#{ lord have mercy this got long. }#drama cw #{ not really but. just in case i guesS }#>> OUT.#negative /#{ ALSO NOT REALLY BUT I GUESS????? }#{ TIS THE NATURE OF THE MEME }#{ pour one out for the rp partners who have vanished over the years :( }

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dark-muse-iris · 5 years ago

Note

What’s your opinion of tumblr versus AO3 for beginning fanfiction writers?

Tumblr is a social media platform that would rather put money toward marketing ploys for rich investors than give their users what they want. They have repeatedly told us to open wide and then shit down our throats when it comes to fundamentals like formatting long text posts and searching for fics. Anyone who posts fics to Tumblr has to deal with that, and the bugs are always present because the app is often changing and usually not for the better. There are also reports that Tumblr is losing money. That’s something we should be paying attention to as users. The site may go the way of LiveJournal, which is why it’s critical to follow your favorite writer’s other social media.

Tumblr’s audience these days is a mixed bag when it comes to participation. My data pulls I have running on the back-end since I started here suggests that following the NSFW ban in December 2018, the interactions between readers and writers has tanked. I’m hearing the same on many, many writer blogs, which likely explains the resurgence of networks. It’s so hard to get our works circulated here now with the way Tumblr has changed their search bar. Getting a blog started and growing a following from zero is very hard to do. I think it’s harder now than it used to be. Is it impossible though? No. I’m still seeing new blogs do well, although admittedly it’s often because well-established blogs are going to bat for them. My own blog gained a large following that way.

AO3 is less visually enticing than Tumblr is, but they don’t have formatting bugs. They also allow for users to leave large text blocks of feedback (vs. multiple asks on Tumblr), save fics to read for later, and has a subscription system that will send you an email when your favorite writer updates. That should be enough of a reason to post there, since those are the lead complaints about Tumblr. Posting there has been a very positive experience for me in two significant areas: 1) the Hit count has proven to me that my fics are getting read whereas Tumblr makes me feel like a has-been, and 2) the feedback on AO3 is of higher quality and is more likely to talk about what I actually wrote. Back when I asked my blog which platform they preferred, the majority of respondents preferred AO3, mostly because of the Bookmarks and ability to leave longer feedback.

I do have a lot of opinions about both platforms, but the most important one is that the “us vs. them” business regarding reader-inserts vs. shipping fics has got to stop. A lot of Tumblr vs. AO3 talk is centered on that. I am still reading that shipping fics *belong* on AO3 and reader-inserts *belong* here, and that’s a crock of shit. That’s voluntarily limiting one’s audience because one might be scared to be a small fish in a big pond. If you open up your blog showing that kind of fear from the jump, you’ll look like you have no confidence and no one will want to read your stories, no matter the platform. I have been posting reader-inserts on AO3 for a while now and have had zero hate for it. It’s also worth noting that I get more feedback on AO3 even though AO3 subscribers are only 5% of the audience I have on Tumblr. That’s how awful the silent reader problem is here.

Whether a writer is new or not doesn’t really matter anymore, at least from where I’m sitting. I am a well-established blog with a large audience of thousands of people and I’m getting the same amount of traffic and feedback that I was when I was about 3 months old. Just because one fic does well doesn’t mean they all will. Your audience will change as the fandom changes, so it’s important to self-examine and truly know the why behind your choice to upload.

If your main goal is to get popular ASAP, neither are the platform for you. If your goal is to upload stories but you want to invest time in making pretty banners for everything, Tumblr is your best choice. (I upload on AO3 only, but I still make posts for all my fics on here because I like doing banners and they advertise my fics well enough). If you want to upload with the least amount of headaches and you want your fic to be discovered via tags, AO3 is the best call. That platform is also is very stable as a non-profit; it’s not going anywhere. There are also other platforms to consider.

At the end of the day, you can mix it up, get creative about your marketing, play it safe, etc. There is no “one size fits all” method to getting out there and growing an audience. Each fandom is different. Each genre and trope are different.

#queue: tips and tricks #anon #iris answers

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ourdawncomes · 5 years ago

Text

Mobile Rules

General

Thank you for coming to my rules page! I'd appreciate it if you could read over these to prevent future misunderstandings.

This is a Dragon Age multimuse blog. The characters here are either canons or ocs based in the Dragon Age universe. I do rp crossover with characters outside the universe, but probably won't be making many AUs. My main blog is a Solas rp blog (theharellan) and I am more active there!

Here are some basics!

mostly canon, semi-canon divergent

independent, semi-selective

mutuals only

21+, not open to smut

shipping status varies by muse

tags triggers

Interaction

i am selective

Since this is my less active blog, I'll only be roleplaying with mutuals. I don't practise character exclusivity, however, and will roleplay with multiples of a single canon or variations of a PC. At best, I have default Inquisitors I'll fall back on when we need one and mains.

Thora - default Inquisitor for Tetrak

Vivienne - default Inquisitor Ruth (Divine verse especially)

Bruno, Adelaide, Vher, and Peace - default to my Solas (found at theharellan)

Some characters require plotting to write with, either due to their nature or verses.

Cole - requires plotting before any threads so no wrong assumptions are made about portrayal

Peace - requires plotting before any threads for the same reasons as Cole

Bruno, Adelaide - require plotting due to being Agents of Fen'Harel and therefore aligned against most characters

on shipping

I do practise ship exclusivity. I will only ship with one version of a character, and will list them here. I don't expect people to be reciprocal in this regard, it's for my own comfort.

Shipping Availability:

Thora: multi-ship (all genders)

Merrill: multi-ship (all genders) ✦ Bethany Hawke (hopewrought) ✦ Lyna Mahariel (ghilannainguideme)

Vivienne: multi-ship (all genders) ✦ Maxima Aurum (mercysought)

Cole: no ships

Gorim Saelac: single ship ✦ Tamar Aeducan (paragoninexile)

Lord Woolsley: absolutely not

Tetrak Cadash: multi-ship (men only)

Sylvi Cadash: no ships

Ruth Trevelyan: multi-ship

Bruno: selective ship (all genders)

Adelaide: single ship (women only)

Peace: single ship ✦ Love (spiritualjourneys)

Vher: single ship ✦ Miraen (ancientimpudence - qpp)

on following

This blog is not follow-for-follow. I like to keep my dash relatively slow moving. As mentioned, I do try to keep the opportunity for non-mutuals to roleplay with me or chat.

As for unfollowing (or soft blocking) I won't usually explain why, usually it's one of these couple reasons:

Inactivity (the main one tbh - if I see you're back I'll refollow!)

Offensive material (homophobia, transphobia, racism, sexism, etc)

Untagged Negativity / Vagueblogging (it makes me anxious)

Untagged character hate (especially Solas or Merrill hate)

As one final note on following: I don't send in passwords. I promise I read your rules before initiating interaction.

on memes

Please don't use me as a meme resource! If it's an IC meme and requires interaction, I absolutely don't expect reblog karma. However, consistently reblogging memes that require no IC interaction w/o sending me anything will result in a soft block. Also, if you do send me something I'll check to see if I can send you something in return.on messaging meI will not roleplay using Tumblr's IM system and prefer not to roleplay on IM platforms (Discord, etc) period. Feel free to message me OOC, it's open regardless of whether or not I follow you. I may take a while to get back, so if it's urgent please contact me on theharellan as I check that dash more often.

My Discord is also available for mutuals. Just shoot me a Tumblr IM or ask and I'd be happy to provide it!Threadsplease be patientRoleplaying is a hobby, please respect that.

Before you message me asking about replies please check here for a list of threads here. If you're not there, please message me and let me know! I'd appreciate it, I like to keep it updated.

i'm open to any format.

Banter, para, multi-para, novella are all possible. I prefer to reserve longer threads for plotted or intense interactions, and shorter threads for more casual roleplays b/c otherwise there's way too much navel gazing. Shorter threads are also much more likely to get timely replies.

I don't format beyond small text, and will roleplay with you regardless of whether you do or don't format yourself. I will use icons for some characters and not for others, so I will obviously rp whether or not you use icons.

Tagging

common triggers on this blog

This blog regularly features themes of fantasy racism, self-harm, and mental health issues. All themes present in the Dragon Age series will also likely appear here at some point, even if it's OOC discussion. These will be tagged when referenced.

my tagging policies

I track the tag #ourdawncomes

I tag general triggers and will tag others upon request. My format is: #(trigger)+tw. For example a blood trigger warning would be: #blood tw.

For threads/writing where Merrill's blood magic is referenced or written about I will tag "#blood magic tw" and/or "#self harm tw" if self-harm occurs or is referenced.

I will also tag content warnings for things that include, for example, character death (like so: #character death cw).

I will not tag the word "queer" as "#q slur". I am uncomfortable with tagging a word I use to describe myself as a slur, among other reasons. If the word makes you uncomfortable, you can put "*queer" into Tumblr Savior and it will blacklist posts containing the word. Or simply don't follow, whichever makes you feel most comfortable.

NSFW is a rarity on this blog. When I do write or reblog something even vaguely NSFW it will be tagged #( nsfw )

For a full list of the tags I use often on this blog, please refer to this page navigation.

my tagging requests

For my comfort, please tag...

#Animal Death TW (especially pet death)

#NSFW

#Gore Images

#Solas Hate & #Merrill Hate

OOC Stuff

about me

You can call me Tas! I use she/her pronouns. I’ve been in the Dragon Age fandom for like 8 years now and I’ve been rping for like 18 years total. I've been rping Merrill on and off for about 6 years or so and made the original version of this blog in 2018.

I have a personal blog (queenaeducan) and my discord is available to mutuals, just shoot me an ask!

Name: Tas Age: 27 Pronouns: She/Her Interests: Elves & cats

#( mod notes )#( ooc )#the dawn will come ( queue )#[ i'll be adding this + a mobile muse page to my sidebar ]

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sharktigereagle · 6 years ago

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Ok, I am really fucking done and angry.

So, warning this will contain much cussing and angry thoughts and stuff including MY PRIVATE policy thoughts. If ya know better or if ya don’t agree...go to hell really, alongside with tumblr. Block me or whatever you wish, I write of what I see an’ feel about the situation as it struck me deeply and I am probably overreacting but I am not really open for the policy debates, you may hate me or whatever after what you read next, cause It won’t take long untill my year work would be deleted.

Ok, I have been active member of this small and cozy community o’ kinks for a couple o’ years by now, b4 I was only a silent spectator. I have been to a lot of different sites like FA or E621, or whatever, but NOWHERE ELSE I found such a wast, lovely and LOVING community as here on tumblr. Most of the sites ware just somehow unfit. Either to mild in general as DA, or too furry-focused as on FA, yet in fact they had ALOT of problems with the tagging system, which not allow all the users to find EXACTLY what they want. It was a real problem for meh as 99% of quality content on the kinks I am mostly focused are somehow FEMALE\TRANCE and I am focused only on MALE-MALE\MALE-HERM stuff, so it was pretty hard to find and it still is.

Now THIS is where a fucking discrimination starts. You have to DIG THROUGH TONNS OF SHIT to get just a scratch of the quality. No, I ain’t got nothing against fem or trance porn, I am indifferent to genders, but it just doesn’t turn me on as well. “-it’s not you, it’s me darli’n-” For some time I felt myself as a freak, cause I didn’t find any evidence there was enough people with the same kinks...until I found tumblr community.

That’s when I felt I was not a fucking retard any more. For me it was kinda relief to understand that there are more than 20 ppl in the world that like the same shit.

As I felt the discrimination and terrible lack of the MALE content on the topic (for me it was never enough) after a while I started posting here some of my shits. And It was a surprise people actually liked it, cause I have the butthands and stuff...

And now... after only a year tumblr shuts the porn and kinks and ALL THE BASIC NUDITY down. Ok, I can !?understand!? for the porn, but plain nudity? LIKE WHY? DO YOU FUCKING KNOW THAT WHEN ARTIST TRAIN THEY FIRSTLY GET TO DRAW NUDE MODELS??!? 80% OF MEDIVAL ART WAS CONCERNED ABOUT NUDITY OR HALF-NUDITY?

Okay BUT NOT FUCKING OK AT ALL. I know pretty much artists and most of them have ever, POSTED NSFW content, weather it was warm-up skeches, some lovely porn, or just references. The ban will just swipe their works their labour and their WILL to create aon this platfor as it already did to me. Cause If ya think that screbbling is just funstuff... go to hell, and try making some on your own.

So much for Fucking US democracy they are to spread to the world. YES, I live in Russia, so what? They all speak about that ‘nasty Russian Kremlin censorship’... Know what, GO TO HELL, It is more freedom NOW in Russian internet than on the tumblr, yes there is a shittish law...WHICH MAINLY DOESN‘T EVEN WORK PROBABLY, and it is focused on CHILD PORN, NOT ON GAY PORN, NOT ON NUDITY, BUT ON PAEDOPHILIA in da web. So Was also laughting out so hard when I got this news in my pocket. Millions of US citizens of the most ‘democratic’ country in the world, fighting for equal rights in the whole world can not protect one of the best and useful platforms, and MAKE IT EVEN WORSE by writing petitions and complaints on ceasing the bots, and naziz? And what they get? Everything wise-versa.

SO MUCH FOR THA FUCKING DEMOCRACY AHAHA

I came here to search for democracy and freedom of speech and creativity, AND WHAT I GET? I GET DESPERATE.

I GET DESPERATE, cause I put a lot of effort in this particular blog, for I am not really sociable person, and it is hard for me to open up my shit to anyone, so it was kinda hard decision to make this blog, and share all that kink shit I had with ya my lurvs and da world.

I really wanted to make it interesting, to put the best things i have and make here, and now it will all be FUCKING GONE, AND I WILL HAVE TO START ANEW BECAUSE IT WAS MY MANE BLOG.

I have No Idea where should I go, for Twitter format with text limitations is not suitable, as I sometimes publish small illustrated stories and add comments to my works.

FA is also not a good alternative for me as firstly I focus mostly on human stuff, and it tagging system sucks so hard I have no words to describe it. I have account there, but there will not be much as the site is thematic, and the community there is really small for human stuff.

DA aslo sucks in tagging and there are tonns of shit my works will probably drown in, so I have a doubt I should even try there.

The other sites seem lack of either content\members\functionality.

Recently I wanted to start another blog for my sfw wounded healing kink out here, after watching RDRII I felt I have an urge to share some, but now I think I Won’t do It here, not until I find a proper alternative, because the attitude of the tumbler owners to as at to fucking cattle is more than fucking disgusting.

Ah yeah and talking of Children, underrted stuff. whay sould WE bother of them not their parents? Didn’t I sign they my blog is for 18+ warning or smth? Why should we care if a child goes to the internet with a goal to see some dicks? OMG it saw one...such a tragedy. FUCK THIS HYPOCRISY. STOP THE WORLD I’M OUT.

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umbralrosarchive · 6 years ago

Note

What would prevent you from following someone?Are aesthetics important to you? If they are, why?What current rp trend do you hate?Have you been involved in drama? Do you regret it?Have you ever experienced discrimination? Have you ever cried while writing a reply?How do you feel about vague posting? Do you follow people even if they don’t follow you back?Do you read people’s rules before following or interacting?

@doyoufearthescarecrow

The Be Honest Meme

What would prevent you from following someone?I run an OC blog and know how damn hard it is for OC writers to get the attention they want, yet cannot find it in myself to follow OC’s back and interact with them. This is completely overridden when I know the mun a bit, because I’ll follow them back without much thought. Outside of OC’s; however, it just depends. I usually get deterred when a blog is listed as stuff like “private, omega selective…”. I get why they put it there, and it’s not bad to. I’m just an anxious shit and perceive it as “I have no chance writing with this person, I’ll bother them, take up space, ect.”. This particular thing very much exists on the OC blog than my canon muse ones. I tend to look for some kind of effort put into the blog and muse, so before I follow and read rules, I’ll scroll a bit to see what exactly I’ll be seeing on my dashboard. I usually also look at the top post and see when they last posted, and tend to not follow when it’s been like, a month of inactivity (I do understand that people have lives outside Tumblr). It’s 50-50. Multi-muse blogs tend to get turned away the most for me, I can’t exactly place why. I only follow back if the mun is 18+, mostly ‘cause of the content I write.

Are aesthetics important to you? If they are, why?Yes. They will mostly and always be present on the blog itself with the pictures chosen and colors decided for the whole layout. It paints some kind of picture about the muse that just screams about them in some way. It’s some kind of summary of sorts that you’re given before they dive deeper into the character. It tells me how much other people care about their muses with the effort put into the theme, and especially so if they edit the icons.

What current rp trend do you hate?I don’t even know what all the trends are anymore. I do find it really tedious if I have an issue seeing someone’s writing, and holy shit if the blog is that way too. It’s usually the blog itself with how the theme is formatted. The text either being so small or is so extra that I have to sit and decipher it all. Like, I have good vision and all, but I’ve seen some blogs and writing that are just… W h y.

Have you been involved in drama? Do you regret it?Yes and no. It was outside of roleplay, but my presence being new in a group ended up instilling some real toxic jealousy with one individual. Ended up with them being booted out of the group because of childish behavior. It was a long time ago, and I don’t interact with that group anymore after booting myself out from a rather troublesome situation.

Have you ever experienced discrimination?Not really. I only ever hear about that kind of thing from other people who have received it. I tend to keep to myself and my one-hand count friends, and distance myself from problematic people and groups. It really makes a big ass difference who you situate yourself with on Tumblr, because it can impact quite a plethora of things.

Have you ever cried while writing a reply?Absolutely, but only very few instances have happened in where I almost cried. I never actually sat and had tears writing before. I’ve been on the verge, though. Very touching and angsty moments are what do this, and has mostly surrounded Sakuya’s parents. It’ll be the fluffy and very motherly banter from her mom that has deep undertones of angst, but her father is just angst incarnate. He’s just a very guilty demon, who regrets so much that involve his family, and is just such an old and tormented soul. Sakuya herself has moments as well, especially if her and another have an understanding. Things usually kept quiet and to herself start to surface. She seems so powerful and composed, but all that is a mask to hide insecurity, despair, desire… The one thing that always bubbles up first and foremost when any character seems to get close enough to her, is how lonely she really is.

How do you feel about vague posting?I don’t do it, and I don’t think I ever have, if I remember my years on this website. I don’t really care if other people do it, but sometimes I worry it’s about me. Even though vague posts are never about me, ‘cause as stated above, I keep to myself.

Do you follow people even if they don’t follow you back?Sometimes, but I usually end up unfollowing very quickly out of myself feeling annoying to them. I’m my worst enemy.

Do you read people’s rules before following or interacting?Always.

#doyoufearthescarecrow #vrmunl

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flydotnet · 7 years ago

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Surprise Meeting with Fate (and Your Eyes) - Chapter 2: Building Trust

Previous chapter/Original post

Fandom: Danganronpa V3: Killing Harmony (Non-Despair AU) Pairs: Kaede/Shuichi, Maki/Kaito, Gonta/Kirumi, Tenko/Himiko

Chapter summary: Shuichi's more tired than he thought, his roommate doesn't want him to work even more and Kaede is still in the picture, because as Kaito says: he can't hear him over the sound of his blooming romance. Bromance and a friend outing to the doctor's are part of Shuichi's second day as a soulmate who found his match.

Chapter notes: HELLO YES I DIDNT PLAN ON MAKING THIS A FULL-ON FIC BUT HERE WE GO ANYWAY Seriously, I just couldn't let such an idea go to waste! People seem to have appreciated this one a lot, and I liked it a lot too, so I jumped the shark and went for it. I hope you'll bear with me as I attempt to introduce more characters and pairings than I did in SymCac.

AO3 version available here. (which I strongly advise for since Tumblr’s formatting is garbage)

To be honest, when he woke up that morning, Shuichi had forgotten about two things: the name of his soulmate written on his wrist, and that he had made a fool of himself in front of his roommate.

The weirdest for Shuichi was to think he didn’t need to be weary of who his soulmate was anymore. There was no more avoiding other people’s gaze to avoid getting a name written in golden letters on his wrist. All there was anymore, was to find how to deal with it in the company of his soulmate herself, the ever-so-pretty Kaede Akamatsu.

And what a soulmate she was. They were different in every single aspect he could have thought of: she was an extravert, beautiful, charming, popular and brave; he was an introvert, shy, plain-looking, lonely and cowardly. She was shining, he was buried in his own shadows. There was no way they were any compatible, yet there they were, somehow soulmates.

Of course, Kaito had gotten hold of the information easily. It started with how Shuichi had replied to a text message from the astronaut trainee: “I’m with a client, but it looks more like a date than anything else”. It had picked Kaito’s curiosity: Shuichi Saihara, speaking about a date? It meant he was both outside and with someone else his best friend didn’t know about. It was interesting, fascinating, exciting to uncover.

One thing was for sure: Kaito hadn’t missed the most embarrassing part of the day. Kaede had accompanied Shuichi to his place on the way back from the “date”, mostly because his fever had risen again from the surprise overexertion he had wanted to avoid. At first, he had refused, but she had kept insisting and he had eventually given in to her pleas and to how bad he felt after a while of walking around and make small talk with a girl way out of his league.

It would had been humiliating enough, would had Kaito not stepped on Kaede taking care of his roommate in bed. Sure, Kaito had seen Shuichi in many embarrassing situations, from delirious and calling for his uncle to ugly tears of frustration at grades, but there had never been such a thing between the two of them.

And that was more than enough for Shuichi to barely be able to look at his own roommate as they were eating breakfast.

“Hey, bro…” Kaito broke the ice starting to freeze the table as he dipped his slice of bread in his hot chocolate.

“What…? You’re going to tease me again…?”

“No, I know yesterday bothered you and all, so… I wanted to ask you if you were okay.”

Shuichi rose his eyes, puzzled.

“Just that? Then… I guess I’m fine, I’m just… weirded out by everything, lately…”

Kaito put a hand under his friend’s bangs, inspecting his temperature closely by then putting his on his own forehead.

“That girl was right, you’re still warm, Shuichi. You overworked yourself again on a case? I thought we had made a point, yesterday.”

“Nah, I think it’s just a leftover of me being sick yesterday… You don’t need to skip classes for me over it, Kaito…”

“It’s like you can read minds, bro! Seriously, you should take the day off, you look like crap man.”

“Thank you for the compliment…”

Shuichi’s nose dived right into his coffee before he knew it. He heard his roommate sigh.

“C’mon, let’s bring you back to bed, this ain’t gonna work…”

And once again, before he was even conscious of it, he was getting dragged to his room and to his bed. By chance, he had forgotten to get dressed, so he was still in his pyjamas anyway.

“You’re stubborn as hell, man…” Kaito said in another sigh. “If only you knew how to stay in bed as well as you knew your English literature, everything’d be better for everyone involved.”

“You have class soon, Kaito, you should be going instead of staying here…”

“Yeah, I know that,” he got his phone out, “that’s why I’m calling you someone!”

His face was probably already pale from the natural tint of barely going outside, but Shuichi felt himself get even paler.

“W-what someone…? Maki?”

Which implied he was going to get a very bad time for being crap at taking care of himself.

“Kirumi?”

Which implied he was going to be bombarded with questions about his self-care or be met with an awkward silence.

“Gonta?”

Which implied he was going to get smothered in strong hugs and weird natural remedies nobody else but Himiko, Kirumi or him would trust in.

“My uncle?”

Which implied he was going to be forced to take an actual day off and get a paternal scolding with it.

Kaito scoffed in amusement.

“Naaah,” he replied as he picked a pink sticky note from the bedside table, “I’m calling that girl from yesterday. She seemed adamant to know you more!”

Oh no. That implied even worse things for him.

“Don’t do that!! Kaede has so much more stuff to worry about than me…!”

He coughed, to which Kaito handed him a bunch of pills and a glass of water.

“Take your medicine before you talk about your well-being, bro. I hate reversing the roles, y’know.”

Shuichi took the medicine and glass with a slight smile, a soft “thank you” and took the pills. He had, also, forgotten about his asthma. Moments later, he saw his best friend type down the number on the sticky note Kaede had left there the day before “so he wouldn’t forget to call her back and give her his number” right before he had fallen asleep.

“Hello? It’s Shuichi’s best friend, Kaito Momota! We’ve seen each other yesterday after you brought my bro home.”

He nodded before smiling wildly.

“Yeah, I’m doing great! But I have to leave for my training soon, could you take care of Shuichi for me today? He’s still tired and sick, and I’m scared he’s going to go to work-and-or-class anyway if I leave him alone. I can repay you the favour another day!”

He showed an even wider grin after a minute or so.

“You really can?! Thank you so much!! I’ll slip the flat’s door key under the rug, okay? If you really can’t, ring the bell, Shuichi’ll come to open to you. Thanks again, Kaede! You’re saving us big trouble there!”

Kaito hung up and looked at his flatmate.

“Heard that? Your girlfriend’s gonna come here to take care of you for the day!”

“Kaito… Kaede isn’t my girlfriend, and I’ve already told you, she’s a busy pianist who has other stuff to do than taking care of than me…”

“Sorry, bro, can’t hear you over the sound of your blooming romance! I’ll be going now, don’t wanna be late to my training y’know! Plus my cab’s already here, and I can’t let my Maki Roll wait for me! See ya tonight, take care!”

With that, Shuichi heard the entrance door to the flat slam behind his best friend, and that was it. How was he supposed to go to work if Kaede was to come here? He hadn’t even warned his uncle’s office about taking a day off, same for his professors! It wasn’t too late, he figured, as he just laid back in bed again.

He took his own phone, turned it on and dialled the necessary numbers. What a chore, especially since he hated phoning people, but also lacked the motivation to write them emails they wouldn’t read in time anyway.

“Hello? Ah, Uncle Shinichi, it’s… It’s Shuichi…” He gulped. “How do you know I’m sick…? I haven’t gone to the doctor yet…! Huh, my voice? I guess it’s weak today… I’m sorry, I don’t think I can come to work with my roommate keeping an eye on me… It’s fine with you? Thanks, Uncle… I’ll do… Have a nice day…”

“Hello, sir? It’s Shuichi Saihara, in second year in the Literature and Human Sciences course… It’s to inform you I won’t be here today… I know, I have a presentation due on tomorrow, I’ll be there… Oh, don’t worry sir, I’m just sick, I should be fine by tomorrow… No, I’ve not gone to a doctor yet… I’ll do, sir… Have a good day, sir…”

A sigh of relief exited his lips. It seemed like it was okay for him to be missing for a day, even if it bothered him to no end. What was he supposed to do on a Tuesday when he had nothing to do but look at the ceiling? Maybe he should get dressed and go to a doctor, that could be useful…

As he got dressed and made his way to the living room-kitchen hybrid he shared with Kaito to recover some stuff to go, he came right by a now familiar face and her bright, charming, spell-casting smile. Goddammit. His legs felt like jelly, probably from his lingering fever.

He couldn’t help but look at what she was wearing. A dusky pink coat, wool leggings and heeled boots with laces tied in a knot at their top. She looked, as always when it came to her it seemed, lovely. Her hair was tied in a ponytail, hidden behind her back, buried under a beanie with a pompom on top of it. Why was he even studying her outfit when he couldn’t have cared less about Kaito’s extravagant shirts, stellar jackets and galaxy-printed boxers?

Kaede let out a small “oh” of surprise when she turned back from locking the door, before beaming him another magical smile.

“Hello, Shuichi! How are you?”

“Ah, huh, hello Kaede… I’m… fine, I guess…”

“Your roommate called me, telling me you were still sick… You were planning to go somewhere?”

“To the doctor, actually. I’ll need a medical certificate if I want to justify skipping class today…”

She took off her gloves, walked up to him and put her own palm on his forehead, just as he put on his coat.

“He was right, you’re still warm. Let’s get you to a doctor, okay? My car’s parked in front of the building. It won’t take us more than a few minutes to get to one.”

He just nodded, because he was getting a bit dizzy. Once he had made sure to get all the stuff he needed, he went downstairs with her, waving a tiny hello to Rantaro who was making his way to college.

Once in her car, Shuichi noticed a few things, and that despite his daze. The outside wasn’t pink: in fact, it was white, so it was discreet, fortunately so. The interior was black, slim, decorated with clef-shaped and note-alike items.

“Welcome to my little car!” Kaede greeted him to the passenger seat. “Do you mind if I put on some music? I like to have some background noise while I drive, and I won’t force you to chat with me if you’re sick.”

“I don’t mind…”

She turned on the car and started driving off.

They were, barely moments after that, at the nearest doctor’s office. The waiting room wasn’t too busy, but there were still a few people before them, including a grandmother who accompanied her ill, crying grandson and an expecting couple, probably there for a small check-up or, rather, for the ill-looking husband who still had something in the corner of his mouth.

There was something weird with doctor offices, and it was how you felt sicker when you waited for them. At first, Shuichi thought it would be a good occasion to finish reading the novel he had started and which he had forgotten in his overcoat’s pocket. However, he quickly realized he felt drowsy and had trouble focusing on anything, so he slipped the book in his pocket again and made a mental note to read it later.

“Shuichi?”

Kaede softly called for him, looking at him with soft eyes, when he noticed he was lulling on her shoulder. He jumped back into a proper position, embarrassed.

“S-sorry for that…! I didn’t realize I was starting to fall sleep…”

“It’s fine. You look tired, so I don’t mind you sleeping on my shoulder if it’s more comfortable than the seat. It’s our turn soon, that’s why I was calling for you.”

“Oh, okay… Thanks for telling me, I’ll try staying awake until we’re called…”

Minutes later, they were both called into the doctor’s actual office. That was when his senses started to get a bit foggy from the fatigue. He didn’t even wonder about what use what he was getting asked to do could possibly serve towards a diagnosis of his condition.

The doctor excused himself for separating Shuichi from Kaede, bringing him in the nearby examination room. It did a perfect job at looking as such: white walls, tools, smell of disinfectant products, examination table. He sat down on the latter upon being prompted to do so.

“Mr Saihara, please open take off your shirt so I can start examining you.”

It’s with a bit of shyness and a will not to unveil too much that he started unbuttoning his shirt, eventually taking it off. He hoped Kaede wasn’t peeking: he was slender at best and scrawny at worst. Wait, why would he think she was even attracted to him to begin with? He was nothing but a stick. She couldn’t be a pervert either, so there was no point in being afraid of that. Huh. That sure was weird.

Tongue checking, ear checking, heartbeats, breathing cycles, coughing, eye checking, temperature… It got weirder when the doctor requested to take his measurements after allowing him to put on his shirt again: weight, height, basic information from his medical files. He still shrugged it off: maybe it was needed for medicine doses.

Once all of this was done, the doctor invited him to go back to the main room, where Kaede had patiently waited for him. He wanted to tell her she shouldn’t have waited for him, that it wasn’t much, but he was still happy to see she was still there, for some reason. Moreover, she still had a slight, soft smile to give him that never failed to warm him up, even if they had known each other for two days.

He’d have to investigate why she had such a strong impact on him. The last time it had happened, he had just met Kaito, in high school, when the latter invited himself to his table at lunch because “you shouldn’t be eating alone, man, even if I don’t know you”.

Was that what it meant to have a soulmate?

“Mr Saihara,” the doctor called him back to reality, “I need to ask you a few questions before I can make a sure diagnosis. Would you mind answering them?”

“Not at all…”

He felt a bit dizzy again but prevented his head from falling onto Kaede’s shoulder right next to it.

“Have you slept much, lately?”

“Huh… Not really…? I’ve been busy with work and college, so I probably neglected my sleep…”

“Have you kept an eye on your alimentation?”

“Made sure to eat at least breakfast, lunch and dinner… Classic student stuff, noodles, some junk food here and there, but I try to limit that, so I usually eat rice for dinner anyway…”

Kaede’s eyes were a bit stern on him.

“Shuichi…” she whispered, seemingly upset.

The doctor wrote down some of the answers he gave out, until he went through them all again.

“Mr Saihara,” he told them both, “you have a rather bad case of overwork and general fatigue due to an important workload and a lack of sleep. You mostly need some rest and to take care of your life habits and it should be fine in a few days. I will also give you some antipyretics, since according to your medical information you have fevers easily.”

Kaede’s eyes locked onto his again, this time displaying pity. Oh, joy.

“Here is the list of medicine you will need,” the doctor continued as he gave Kaede a freshly printed out piece of paper. “Any question?”

“Yeah, huh… How long am I off work…? I doubt rest includes working or attending class…”

“You are right, Mr Saihara. I have given you a week off from both work and class, since I have heard from Ms Akamatsu that you were still a student.”

“Oh, great… Just great…” Shuichi whispered under his breath.

Once they were out of the doctor’s office, the bill paid, Kaede offered to go back to the car and go to the pharmacy to get the medicine from the list. Once in her car again, the silence from the way there got broken by anything but her radio playing classical music.

“Shuichi,” she asked him, glancing at him with worry on her face, “is everything all right? You look sad.”

“What makes you think I’m sad…?”

“I wouldn’t know how to describe it, but… You look like you’re really bothered by something. Is it just me?”

“No, you’re right, I’m really bothered by something… I called in for the day, but I promised my History prof I’d be there for my presentation tomorrow, but doctor’s order says I’m off for an entire week… I don’t want to cancel it…”

“Aw, you’re worried for your oral… I’m sure your prof will understand, Shuichi. You’re a good student. At least that’s what Kaito told me yesterday when he told me a bit about you.”

“Oh, so you talked with Kaito about me…”

“Yeah! He told me you were a very good guy, who loved literature and who put others before himself! You know, as scary as this soulmate thing is, I’m really glad and relieved it’s with you I get to share it… I don’t know why, but I just feel better when I’m around you.”

“Same here… It’s just better when you’re around, for some reason…”

She accelerated as soon as she noticed he was curling on himself for warmth. She also insisted on getting his medicine for him, but he still went with her because he really didn’t want her to pay for him when they were nothing more than freshly friends. Quickly after, they were back to his flat, him in the sofa, her by his side, carefully reading the instructions the doctor had given out and inspecting the medicine.

“Sheesh, Shuichi, you need to take care of yourself!” She scolded him as she prepared him a glass of water for the pills. “You have to eat correctly and sleep long enough! I’m sure Kaito tells you that a lot, but that proves you really need to do so instead of just saying you’ll do that later! Your health is very important!”

“I’ll… I’ll try paying it more attention… I’ve been busy lately…”

Yet, even when she was angry at him, Kaede shined him a bright and comforting smile.

“You’re such a hard worker, Shuichi… I’ve seen your room when I went to fetch you a sheet,” sheet she then proceeded to put on his legs, “and it’s a mess of books and case files. I may call a friend over so she can help us fix this, but for now, you’re ordered to rest!”

She patted his shoulder.

“I’ll make you a small something, please wait for me here. If you need anything, just call me!”

When Kaede came back, barely minutes later, she had a small cup of steaming milk in her hands.

“Here you go! It’s still a bit hot, but my mom always made honey milk for my sis and me when we were sick or tired. I thought it could be good to give you a cup too!”

“That’s very kind of you, Kaede… Thank you very much…”

Shuichi folded his legs back to his torso as he blew some of the steam off the cup, before taking a sip of it.

He could get used to this soulmate thing, if it meant feeling good when he’d usually feel miserable.

Fear not, the other ships will arrive later. (especially Makaito, believe me)

#drv3 #saimatsu #saiede #shuichi saihara #kaede akamatsu #kaito momota #my writing #fanfiction #soulmate

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