#i hate trying to make things realistic
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Still getting used to drawing them but I'm happy with how this turned out so I will post it :)
#last night while i was trying to sleep i closed my eyes and saw blitz with hyper realistic bloodshot eyes and then i woke up nauseous#its the way theyre the only thing on my mind rn#i can and totally would make analysis's.s..'s on each and every scene involving these two#stolitz duet soon how we feeling im feeling hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#im hhhhhhhhhhh#im also working on such a normal thing involving blitz did you know blitz is my favorite character i love him and hate him a lot so much#i really love the idea of blitz being clingy after him and stolas actually make things official btw#also obsessed with blitz climbing stolas all the time like a bug or perhaps a lizard#stolitz.......................... <3.. uhghghhh..#just like 21-ish days till full moon release date reveal hahahahahahahaha#nillyart#nillyfanart#helluva boss#blitzø#blitz#stolas#stolas goetia#stolitz#stolas x blitz#hellaverse
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I decided to start talking about Wick and Rocky's relationship because I like their dynamics too, I like seeing Wick scared of Rocky and Rocky being aggressive with him, which is unusual because Rocky is rarely aggressive with anyone, but of course Wick is an exception to rule
Also my mini opinion about their possible relationship, I think that if Rocky didn't have to fight for his place, then he and Wick could become friends, or at least tolerate each other a little, I also see some superficial similarities, their gentlemanly and romantic natures, and their common love for explosions (remembering the quarrymen chapter), but this is my assumption, I think that I don't understand the characters' personalities well, so I can be wrong in this assumption, something like that. So, what do you think about their relationship?
for starters, i cannot thank you enough for this ask! as i’ve said previously, i have many thoughts on these two, so it’s nice to finally be able to share some of them. although given the extent to which i think about them, i apologize in advance if this is sloppy and sort of everywhere … while i’ll try to structure things the best i can, i cannot promise i’ll succeed! but hopefully this is an enjoyable reply nonetheless.
one of my favorite things about rocky and wick’s relationship is absolutely how aggressive rocky is towards the aristocrat ; he is prone to glares and cruel jokes and borderline hissing whenever the man is within his line of sight, or can be brought to a wailing-fit over the mere mention of his name from miss m’s mouth. there is a childishness to it, but a very prominent threat as well in spite of rocky’s usual incompetence. so he goes out of his way to posture around wick, readily lying and adorning himself with the gangster drapes he so badly wants to wear, in the hopes that it intimidates … will even badmouth wick’s family and make fun of his name and rock related obsession to mitzi, and so on so forth! yet all of this is very reminiscent of schoolyard bullying rather than anything too severe, though we as the audience understand rather quickly that rocky would bash wick’s head in with a tire iron if he could. ( translation : if it wouldn’t earn the tears or hate of a certain beloved mitzi may ) and it’s all very intense despite the absence of actual violence! and i understand why many fans see this as unusual for rocky and believe that it’s only wick who makes him act so aggressively, but i’d argue it isn’t really wick at all that prompts such scary reactions from him … and that rocky is a deeply angry character who’s a.) been boiling quietly for a long, long time and b.) has turned wick into a punching bag of sorts for this inner world of resentment and hurt. basically, when he’s judging the well-to-do or poking fun, his eyes don’t look at wick and actually acknowledge him as sedgewick sable ; instead this is a being, something vague and metaphorical, who threatens to upseat rocky’s permanence in the lackadaisy and steal away his savior, and he’s had a hand in the violinist’s misfortune for a long time.
obviously, rocky doesn’t think wick robbed him of his family twice over and made him homeless, but he is channeling the fear and anguish of those events into his loathing for wick, if that makes sense? it’s easier that way -- to finally have an outlet for everything bleeding inside of you, to be able to bite and claw at something without feeling conflicted or having to take personal accountability for your own mistakes … which is something that i think rocky does struggle with to a degree. he is sort of a finger pointer! his pain has to be worth something, it has to be for someone else ; spending years homeless and losing his last bit of family was for freckle, and the scrambling of his literal brain was for mitzi, and that means he can’t ever be angry with them! well, except that he is, somewhat, but he buries it deep down instead of feeling it. with freckle there is a sense of strain between them -- an air of ‘you owe me’ from rocky to freckle as he uses freckle to appease miss m, and he constantly pokes fun at his cousin too. it’s lighter than his jabs at wick, but there’s a constant pestering, a reminder of how good freckle has it : how he’s got the mom and the house and the job and the girl most notably. i don’t think rocky is intending to come across as mean, and to his credit he hardly does! but it’s rather clear to me that some part of him, some hidden and deeply hurt part, is rather indignant about taking the fall for freckle all those years ago. which he can’t understand, because how could he? he made that choice, he decided to take accountability for something he didn’t do because he loves freckle and knows it’d be so easy to believe this family tragedy was roark’s fault ; the devilish child he was, all troublesome and too broken to properly fit anywhere. so there is a disconnect born here, where rocky can’t comprehend that he’d be angry at freckle, so instead these not so great feelings are placed elsewhere and silently boil over time. and with mitzi … i don’t think he’s angry at her per se, but there is a frustrated and desperate chorus of : why him and why not me, when i’m the one out here dying for you? which is certainly unpleasant. of course, rather than allowing those feelings to be more aimed at miss m, whom he feels unloved by, he ( again! ) represses these emotions and allows them to fester into his greatest fears and fantastical complexes. i think there is a lot of other miscellaneous anger he could have towards others too … perhaps some part of him is sore upon seeing ivy’s normal lifestyle, watching her go to university and knowing that’s been taken from him. or an ache felt when hearing stories from zib and the band and how they used to travel successfully, living as nomads, and rocky is all too reminded of his similar lifestyle and how he couldn’t make it work as effortlessly. people with immense trauma are more prone to irrational anger and jealousy, to viewing everything around them as unfair and believing it’s even more unjust that so many people get to live comfortably while they’ve suffered. a situation that gets more messy when you’re someone like rocky, a man who’s willingly made choices that have harmed himself and wants to continue on with his smiling, bumbling fool of an act. he does not want to be angry, does not want to see it within himself, i think, which leads to an accidental increase of it.
all of this is to reiterate that wick is a scapegoat for rocky and nothing more. it’s why he’s rather hypocritical whenever it concerns the man. for example, it was stated by tracy that he looks down upon wick for his excessive presence at the bar, yet he appears to enjoy hanging out with zib -- who drinks just as often! he makes fun of how all wick ever talks about is rocks, when he himself is prone to poetry rambles that people find irritating or boring, and etc etc. this is also just a human nature thing, to critique someone you heavily dislike and even going as far as to belittle things you love or do in your own day to day because you just hate them that bad! but given rocky’s willingness to befriend anyone, it more so reeks of a dehumanization element. wick is every obstacle in his way, every divine force that threatens to send him packing again, so he is equal parts unnerved by wick’s presence and angry about it. it is mostly a fear response we are seeing, an emotion that’s morphed into long held resentment and anger. so his actions are extremely defensive, with him trying to push wick far away and keep him and mitzi separate, like some sort of animal attempting to ward off a threat that’s come too close to their home. despite the loaded animosity there, this hate has hardly reached its peak … but it shall only grow more intense as things continue onward i’m afraid, since as it stands ( in the comic at least ) rocky is at an all time low … and is ten times more desperate. i’d honestly say wick has become so warped in his mind’s eye that he can only strive towards ‘winning’ over the other man, because that’s all he can see anymore. i think mitzi implying that wick willingly helped her out, the intense head injury, and rocky’s fragile emotional state is exactly what pushes him towards premeditated murder in look-see. i don’t know how people perceive that arc, but to me it’s very clear that rocky actively sought to see the deaths of wes and fish that night. going as far as to lament that he’d be, “very disappointed if ( he ) dreamed them,” and purposefully luring the marigold duo away to have freckle pick them off. while you could argue that this was a smart move, in a gangster sort of sense, there’s still no denying that rocky is oddly chipper about the whole thing and is now seeking death out ; whereas before his methods of vengeance were just, well, ruining people’s livelihood but ultimately leaving them alive. this isn’t to discredit the fact that rocky is going through something! he is in a very muddled and dark place, mentally and physically, but even tracy has said that the head injury hasn’t changed rocky’s personality -- it’s only brought things to the surface.
source : q&a with tracy .
which, yeah! makes sense! head trauma can cause a person to become a wreck emotionally ( think mood swings, irritability, etc ) but it doesn’t completely morph someone either. personality changes may occur, but it’s not like you’re being rewritten entirely, you know? and given tracy’s old statement, it’s clear that ‘personality changes’ aren’t a side effect he’s suffering from. something that adds to my beginning statement, which is that rocky is a deeply angry and troubled person, more so than fans give him any credit for.
however, to touch upon your mini opinion about these two, i actually wholeheartedly agree that rocky and wick could become friends if circumstances were different. they do in fact have many superficial similarities, but one of the more prominent things they deeply share is never really belonging in the groups they frequent. this is more overt with rocky’s character, yet wick faces it too in subtle ways. the well-to-do crowd, seen through the investors, find the gentleman to be lacking in about every place imaginable ; to them he is an obsessive freak who cares too deeply for meager rocks, something they constantly mock him for, while he’s also being noticeably set apart from the rest of them … he seems younger than the investors, more excitable, passionate, and a little less experienced, and doesn’t seem to care for money or reputation as much as them either. there is a constant rubbing between him and them, where what he enjoys is seen as wrong, such as his love for the lackadaisy and his choice in paramor, a grieving widow with extremely dangerous ties. we also know that wick doesn’t have many friends at all, with the only two he has being lacy and church ( church is listed as such on his character profile, in a sort of tongue-in-cheek way ), both of whom work for or with him. they are obliged to hang around, and while they care in varying ways, they are prone to judging him just as much. honestly, it’s not shocking that wick seeks refuge at his chosen speakeasy! but even there he is rather distant from everyone else. he doesn’t speak to zib ever in the comics, nor seems all too close with viktor, ivy, or horatio … it is merely mitzi he is close to, even if he knows of the other people who work there. and, once again, wick very obviously doesn’t fit in. he is not gangster material, could never be an atlas may replacement, much less someone who could get his paws dirty in such an active way. so he has his feet in two different worlds and doesn’t know how to fit into either of them, or which one he actually wants to fit into more. i think in many ways rocky could relate -- these are two very lonely people who wish to belong somewhere and be accepted by some group or another but go about it in all the wrong ways. wick, who is too hesitant to fully commit to what he wants and is worse off for it, and then rocky, who obsessively throws himself against what he wants until he breaks every bone in his body. they also have explosives to bond over, lol, and other miscellaneous things like their taste in women i suppose … but this potential bond adds to the tragedy of lackadaisy, where we see two people who on every level should get along but we’re burdened with the knowledge that it’s an impossibility anyway, because there’s no removing the circumstance of which they’re in.
though i like to believe that despite wick’s fear of rocky, he maintains a kindness towards him regardless. i think his worries about rocky are rather surface level … he doesn’t know the boy at all, really, and thus can’t make heads or tails of him, hence him believing the lie in balderdash. so when i’m feeling particularly self indulgent, i like imagining a world where they’re forced together and sort of ‘stuck’ together ; to which rocky finally breaks and exposes his wounds to wick, in every sense of the word, and wick finally gets him. the aggression, the possessiveness of mitzi … it is all fear and desperation and a profound sadness, things he’d sympathize with. if rocky was able to explain that he loathes wick because if he saves the lackadaisy then mitzi won’t need him anymore and that it’s not fair that wick gets to so easily fix things when rocky would give his soul for his home, for her, and how wick could render every sacrifice he’s already made for naught by smoothing things over with some greenbacks and he can’t lose this, he just can’t --! … which, well, wick is too kind of a man to be able to do anything except feel awful, even though it’s not his fault at all. here we have two people who could coexist! and they should, since rocky logically can’t do every speakeasy job ( band member, rumrunner, mitzi’s shadow, also the guy who gets the money for the hooch ) by himself, just like how wick can’t save the lackadaisy with only his cash and limited booze stash. it’d be a joint cooperation, a collaboration between them, both equally important in the grand scheme of crime’s every turning wheel … but rocky’s rage and fear won’t let him see that, and likely never will. still, in scenarios where everything ends up alright for the lackadaisy and the people involved in it ( which is not how canon will go, by the way ), i fancy wick and rocky getting better within their relationship. rocky will always be prickly and quick to upset around the other man sadly, but perhaps he could see wick in a softer kind of light. or at least understand vaguely enough that he isn’t out to get rocky, so to speak. and then maybe wick learns that pancakes soothe rocky’s ire and poorly makes them anytime he wishes to talk to the man, and other fun things like that! but you should have more confidence in your character analysis skills, because you were spot on ( at least in my eyes ) about them potentially getting along if things were different. it’s certainly a fun aspect to play around with, and is important to note when discussing their relationship so you can fully understand just how warped rocky’s perspective on things are. and how unstable and traumatized he is too, of course </3 sidenote, but i also hope that throughout everything i’ve said here, or anything i’ve said before on my blog, that my love for rocky and my own sympathy for him comes across well enough. while he’s deeply flawed and i have no qualms discussing said flaws in depth, i also don’t think of him as some insane freak who’s evil at his core or anything like that. honestly, i adore analyzing him so much as a character because of how far down his issues go! he’s very well written, i’ll say, as is wick and many of the other characters, but i digress.
once more, thank you for the ask! i’ll end this here because i fear if i don’t i’ll start going in circles, since their relationship is so vast and very important for rocky in a character sense. hopefully i shed some more light on it though! i love these two to bits and pieces and i wouldn’t be half as invested in lackadaisy if their dynamic wasn’t so monumental -- at least to me.
#my asks.#lackadaisy analysis.#lackadaisy#rocky rickaby#sedgewick sable#tracy j butler#i also think rocky’s sudden taste for marigold blood is him making marigold his other scapegoat#he isn’t dealing with anything in a healthy manner and is so traumatized it’s starting to spill out of him … which is. uh. not good!!#but it sure is what’s currently happening regardless#cannot stress enough that rock is a very ill and traumatized individual who hasn’t had a single break in his life#he is constantly in stressful situations that are dangerous … and like.#when you’re constantly put in those situations you become numb. and angry. and it becomes hard to heal#or to truly connect to others … etc#i could talk in depth about rocky’s traumas and why they’ve caused this anger issue and this inner disharmony inside#because frankly there’s a lot there! and i hate to say it but people who are hurt normally show their hurt in ugly ways#especially if mentally ill … which rocky is imo#it’s just the reality of things! this isn’t me demonizing mental illness or the effects of trauma. i’m just being realistic here#someone as deeply troubled as rocky ( someone with NO outlet and whom hides his feelings from others and himself )#is bound to be. well. troubled!! his smiling facade is merely another mask he wears to cope and to be good for the people he loves#it is not … really rocky rickaby … rocky rickaby is that and the wrath and the self destruction and more#AHEM but i digress. how rocky treats wick and all that has really done wonders for understanding his character#and i truly love the wick / rocky / mitzi trio so bad. their relationships with each other is what drew me into this world#like. i am shaking them so much. the overlap!! the complexities inherit in their bonds and what that says about the individual characters!#it’s amazing truly lol like … i have had such fun thinking about them twenty four seven for the past three-ish months#anyway. anyway! i love analyzing these bitches. they can fit so much into them#and i’m rooting for wickmitzi endgame and for wick to desperately try to bond with rocky … while his bloodshot eye is twitching as we speak#lots of fun!!! lots of pain and agony too … rocky is nothing but a painful character alas. that is his nature. but that is also his appeal#and ooops i’ll shut up in the tags now i just. have a lot to say. and a lotta love to give to these two!! but uh. yeah <3 loved writing thi
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" I'm a Psycho, loving it~ "
#[album]#ask to tag#cw#Music Shot#S-2#also i just wanna mess with its expressions and poses cuz it's fun#he can turn the black face into a screenface. changing any shapes and expressions as it pleases#horror. realistic eyes. tv static. etc but he prefers the original triangle smiles more#also i'm planning to redesign S-2 right now#S-2 focuses only on killing / violence to gain LV and he's stuck that way and called it a purpose to wipe out population#He got so focus on gaining LV because it made him feel so powerful and wanted more feeling like it's the only thing that made him feel aliv#i'm okay to spoil his story and all. He's made out of human determination in Mark's body and became a split personality to him#that's why S-2 and Mark are both corrupted because they're still not compatible to each other in one body#instead of being unstable in physical form. his mind is. because Gaster used a different formula but failed again#Gaster was trying to cure Mark because he was really ill and about to die#I only took the references/theories from the original undertale amalgamation obviously#S-2 was formed from Mark's own negative emotions and personalities then it became its own character#which causes the two (or Mark or S-2 themselves) to self-loathe with each other#it's literally like looking in a window as a mirror talking shit to each other#The real good Mark in this au is Mark himself. he just needs to be set free from this misery (and need to get rid of S-2 if possible)#that's why in my old Mark death posts. S-2 was gone from self-forgiveness meaning Mark forgives himself and deserves to be happy#(because everyone don't deserve to hate themselves)#i'm gonna keep the left eye joke not being available when doing the horror screenface cuz still wanna make it a Mark thing to him#cw horror#cw eye contact
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i feel like re: jonathan's camera, steve's reaction is way more focused on than jonathan's LITERAL CRIMES. like yes stevetommycarol like graffitied the movie theater and broke his camera, but jonathan... took illicit pictures of an underage couple THROUGH STEVE'S WINDOW. how would you feel? how would you react?
and jonathan never really faces any lasting consequences? he gets a new camera from steve. he eventually ends up with nancy. and nobody really finds out or punishes him for being a .... literal criminal....
meanwhile, steve reacting to it is treated like some huge thing bc he calls jonathan queer ?? like i get that it may be a little harder hitting considering the audience is (i think? i only know from the tumblr sample size) seems mostly queer, but context please. not excusing it, but it's the 80s during the height of the aids epidemic saur. and it's also easy to say things you don't necessarily mean in the heat of the moment. but guess what. he apologized. did jonathan?
other than that, name one thing that could actually categorize steve as someone who is Decidedly an Asshole. talking shit with his friends is such a non problem (do u not shit talk with ur friends...) and being popular doesn't mean shit unless there's evidence.
stop trying to give steve a redemption arc when he never needed ur absolution
#steve harrington#it's irritating to me#like this is primarily in the steddie space and it's genuinely made me not want to consume content#why does he have to change and explore other peoples' interests when nobody cares to do the same for him#he's constantly apologizing in fic and i hate it#tell me what he's apologizing for#tell me where he's a bully#fanon has completely twisted his character to the point where he's just completely malleable#i'm not saying fanon is wrong bc i understand projecting and adding little things to the character to make it more appealing to urself#and i definitely do that sometimes but I REALIZE IT#im not trying to claim that steve is xyz without thinking critically about it#having him put sm effort in when nobody else puts effort into him... it's exhausting#if ur gonna do that then paint it in a realistic way bc how long could anyone keep doing that#how sustainable is it to keep apologizing and hiding ur interests all of the time#it irks me
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.......
can you guess
plot bunny
when the crackship fic has you researching i hate this let me write silly dynamic without needing to know specific shit please...
#lobster sneakpeeks#sometimes i hate my brain#i hate plot bunnies#i hate trying to make things realistic
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being super normal about White calling Billy "a dreamer"after the events of Maybe No Go
#truly alarming amount of tags on this post don't click read more fr#the venture bros#pete white#bily quizboy#billy whalen#idk man the way they balance each other is really interesting#the things they agree on and disagree on are almost arbitrary#'you can't put mouthwash in a cookie' 'trust me' vs 'we should spend 10 mil on a motorcycle instead of housing' 'that's such a cool idea'#billy trying to pep white up about the ball#'this was your dream too' like come on dude when have pete's dreams ever worked out#when have yours#'what are we gonna do now billy?' 'we'll cross that bridge when we come to it'#baby the bridge has never been more present#ALSO white calling billy the dreamer when HE'S the one who pushes so hard for things#billy has dreams that might not be realistic but they give him hope and he works around the way the world works to make things happen#like being a self-taught surgeon and believing in a magic ball#pete has dreams IN SPITE of what is realistic and he will mold reality to be what he wants in order to make it happen#like fixing the quizshow and pretty much everything that happened in invisible hand of fate#and they both have disabilities that affect them in vastly different ways and impact their relationship with realistic goals#like billy's hydrocephalus being presented to the audience as mostly a social issue for him and the hand and eye being marks of trauma#rather than like an actual block for him beyond needing to tune the hand up every now and then#vs white's albinism making him physically unable to be in direct sunlight and making him actively fearful of doing certain things and#being certain places#to be clear i know the actual effects of hydrocephalus as well as the hand and eye but this is based on how the show presents it#like billy took these things about himself into account and went ok these are part of my reality and i will work with them#and pete took his reality and went ok i will cover it up with fake tan and wigs or sunscreen and hats and make reality what i want it to be#and that's what makes them a good team!! that's why they science together well#it's also why they argue so much#accepting reality and playing within its constraints vs hating reality and changing it to suit you#these are the hallmarks of scientific progress
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i'm kind of amazed how most of the stardew marriage candidates just want you to be their manic pixie dream whatever by agreeing with everything they like and plying them with compliments or praise or whatever (which is fine but a bit. Much) but for shane his romance is just you being there for him while he figures his own shit out... dunno why i never wanted to romance him before he's so good
#i'm usually a sebastian kinda guy but i do think it's silly you have to say you like scifi to gain friendship points w him like cmon man#i will say though that. my bestie's baby daddy being named shane kinda does make it hard to like him 😭 unfortunate but not his fault#ik a lot of ppl are weird abt his recovery and his messy ass room bc they play stardew to make things look pretty or whatever#but i'm actually kind of glad he's a realistic depiction of addiction... the problem is his dependence on indulging in alcohol when he's#depressed not the fact that he drinks period... i think that a lot of ppl are unrealistic abt alcoholism (including me abt my dad's)#but concernedape did really good w him imo. anyways all this to say that i'm really glad shane never expects someone to be a certain way#i know most of the candidates are like. archetypes or whatever and i think that's fine they are very sweet and cute regardless but#i think maybe i didnt romance him before bc i related to him so badly that it hurt seeing myself reflected LMAO dead end life and being#suicidal about it like. i've never had a drug dependence but i'm not really in a position where i can ever make my own decisions anyways#but regardless. there is smth to someone who slowly warms up to you when they can't ignore your kindness any longer and have no reason to#act like an abused dog anymore which. does make me sad just to say but that is how he acts beforehand#idkkkkk idk i think people are always too caught up with his addiction and his messy room to actually see him without realizing that#getting better is a lot harder than it appears and that having a dirty room doesn't mean you aren't trying to be better. sigh#besides it's not like. the end of the world that he has a beer sometimes. have you tried going thru life completely sober? it sucks#ok im done LMAO but yeah i've found myself gravitating towards him this time around when i've romanced sebastian literally every playthru#til now. hmm!#ACTUALLY ONE MORE THING. i like how he's basically a twist on the classic useless husband trope in media where they love sports and drinking#but he's not a bad person and the only reason he's mean to you at first is because he hates himself and his own life and he makes an effort#the more you get close to him instead of the opposite. i like that a lot. ok now i'm done
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i kinda feel insecure as traditional artist
#does this make sense?#idk#it's just that my art isn't exactly as clean as other people's either#or easy to make prints with#not that I post for art but it's nice to see my hard work being appreciated and people analysing it#could be me craving validation a tiny bit but#i hate that I'm restricted to very realistic things#i don't have the time yet to try new art styles#but i also hate changing my art style just so it's more adaptable for me to be able to make money through what i love#espescially since i personally there's a beauty to my own work#i've learned to love it it's an extension of me after all#star rambles#star vents#star is very salty about flopping as an artist
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which vod were you watching earlier? with lala as a full team
youtube
this one!! its an ash vod from oct 21st 2023 ^-^
#asks#veni.txt#also iirc this is one of if not the only time lalas were together as an actual full team doing a Thing together?#which is rly rly funny#like i remember a few weeks back zam and planet were talking abt how lalas didnt do jackshit together LMFAO#so finding this at random was lucky on my part#silly as fuck team it was doomed from the start bc ash wanted his team Committed To Him#and like. realistically he was never going to make ro hate mapicc#cause theyre buddies even as enemies#and ash repeatedly trying to make ro choose def made things worse LOL
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The free trial of clip studio paint is such BULLSHIT man. What the fuck do you mean I can't save any files until I buy it. How am I supposed to trial the goddamn thing if I have to do everything in one sitting. I have never once had a free trial do this shit in my life. Idc how good the program is that's just fucking bullshit dude
#the learning curve for krita is way too fucking massive for me so csp is my only other realistic choice unfortunately#but I wanna get a Good feel for whether or not it's gonna work for me. but I fucking CANT bcuz you cant save anything!!! its so dumb!!!!!!#I'm going to lose my mind.#like. am I nuts for thinking this is a weird thing for them to do. literally none of the free trials of software I've done have done this#also maybe I'm just stupid but their brush engine is kinda wack. I spent like 3 hours trying to make a good lineart brush and still dont-#-have one that's even remotely tolerable#and all of the edges on the brushes are pixelated as FUCK. like everything is so fuckin pixel-y it's so ugly I hate it#everyone says this is a fantastic product so either I'm missing smth or everyone else has lower standards than I do /lh#armchair speaks
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aUGh- being dealt 10000 damage from a gen|der|bent poll i voted on....... *despair emote holding head in hands*
#vent#<<< tagging just in case- but nothing serious on a personal level#long tags#ascelchat#(for clarification before i delve into tag rambles- this is about the internet gen|der|bend trope-)#(not to be confused with trans headcanons- which are cool and awesome)#(anywho anywho-)#damage is mainly from finding out the op had to turn off reblogs/comments due to threats and anon hate 😬#apparently from ppl in favor of it h#to anyone curious on my take and/or know the poll im talking about-#i voted hate them 100% sweep o7#ie not a fan of the mindset that a 'girl/boy' has to look a certain way and be placed in a construct/box-#especially considering the fact that not every culture has the same views of gender expression#(mainly ones not affected by westernization)#plus after finding out about the harassment op received is making me dislike the trope more honestly 😬😬😬#on a realistic level tho i just try to avoid seeing the trope when i can and move along- don't want to fuss too hard over online things#and i'd rather use the web to support cool ppl and uplift voices hkdjfg#if any mutual happens to read this lmk if u want to see the poll o7#that said on another note- hopefully brain funk i've been in is ending soon AA#been wanting/needing to do things like respond to msgs and finish commission stuff !! plans in the brain- yet energies missing :pensive:
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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead/Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic Characters: Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead Additional Tags: Ficlet, Past Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead/Shirakumo Oboro/Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic, Horror, Canonical Character Death, Angst, Sleep Paralysis, Unreliable Narrator Series: Part 3 of Soft’s Twt Threads Summary:
There’s something dead outside his window.
#dipped my toes into horror with this one lads#and i truely mean dipped this one be Short#but its also kinda why im posting my threads#i can get such good prose in my threads that for whatever reason i just cant get the hang of for full fics#theres some kind of block in my head that only lets me do ‘proper realistic’ writing for fics#and something more experimental that i can tap into for shorter threads#i dunno#but im super proud of my threads and i hate that they just get buried on twitter#hence this series#i wish i had the bandwidth to extend this and make it a proper scene but i know i wont so im not gonna force myself to try#i still have so many things that i want to finish that trying to force something new when im already so stretched is just a bad idea#but im still super happy with this thread and thats good enough!#word count doesnt equal quality or worth!#it’s hard to be the bard#erasermic#erasercloudmic#aizawa shouta#eraserhead#oboro shirakumo#loud cloud#bnha#mha#go beyond plus ultra
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okay like the thing is. if i was going to write actual real marie fic with plot and consequences and everything. even in the hypothetical fic with lucifer being released from his rewritten character back to factory settings (s5) he’s still like. he’s not a good person. it’s important to me that if this was a real fic and not just me shitposting, that lucifer does not magically become a good person this way. or a good parent. in fact, he’s probably worse because he now has empirical evidence to back up that God will, when convenient, erase who he is, make him worse, make it so that there’s never any choice but for him to get worse. And who’s to say it isn’t still happening. who’s to say lucifer is “back to normal” because nephilim baby interference and not because God thought it would be more interesting to see him spiral down from a higher place rather than fall over already at rock bottom.
#he’s paranoid he’s possessive he’s a bitch he has daddy issues he doesn’t even know what (human) children eat#there’s a part of him that loves jack & marie so much it’s actually a dangerous terrifying thing and then another part of him that’s scared#of that love itself. for what it means he could do to them. for what it means they can do to him. the power they hold by existing and being#his babies. and then even another part that. not hates or resents but. he looks at them and thinks. did i choose this? i love you. i dont#know if i wanted you. i dont know if you’re just what my father used me to make for the next chapter. but i love you.#like yes there is the version of marie twin au where everything is Fine and theyre happy and everything gets wrapped up neatly#but realistically. that is not how the story actually goes. lucifer is not so easy to wrangle as that.#and neither are tfw for that matter. just because lucifer looks like a better parent to the twins on the surface (doesn’t threaten to murder#them daily) doesn’t mean he’s actually. good. at not hurting them in different ways. i mean. his example is god. he’s trying to surpass#someone that he can’t even. like even at his most rebellious. god is still on a pedestal and its everything around him that sucked shit. but#he still had to know what he was doing. and so lucifer is trying to surpass someone he hasn’t yet figured out how to look at without. well.#making him into a god. a perfect one or a cruel one.#at some point lucifer is going to realize he needs to be a father. not a god. is what i think im saying. but that takes time.#marieposting
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self-indulgent fnin doodles cause existance is Not Fun right now:/
#my art#felix and nika bonding over having the worst organ in the human body(uterus)(i HATE that bitch)#sorry this is kinda dumb but. yeah..#REALISTICALLY i feel like net would be grossed out by a situation like this but i can draw what i want!!! heheheh#so hes cool and supportive. cause i think that would be neat#uhhhhh actually ive been thinkin about net recently..#okay so hear me out- transfem net.#like........ the casual misoginy and shit being a product of net's weird love-hate relationship with feminity???#they want and crave it but always saw being a girl as 'playing w/ barbie dolls' and 'not understanding technology' and they dont want THAT#but they want to be called pretty and wear a dress sometimes?#so he just kinda represses all those weird complicated feelings and tries his best to be manly and strong and#Not Like Those Stupid Girls who are beyond his comprehension#and then maybe felix comes out as a trans guy and net decides to do some research on trans ppl and#actually starts to realise they relate to these people??#and it takes a LOT of time and introspection but she figures it out. eventually.#and shes still Net! she still scoffs at romantic musicals and is terminally online and a teenage genius and a snarky bitch-#but she also doesnt have to prove her masculinity to anyone. she doesnt have to put girls down for being girls and she#starts to appriciate them as people and not prizes to be won by boys#i dont know if this makes any sense whatsoever but...... i like this idea! i like net realising casual sexism Is Not Funny Actually#i like nika helping her figure things out and try diffrent things and see feminity as something fun and exciting#like i dont think net would suddenly start wearing all pink or something! shes just. herself.#and that means watching horror movies and saving the world from an evil a.i. and movie nights at felixs and hating to admit when shes wrong#yeah. something to think about i guess.#fnin#felix net i nika#sorry this propably makes no sense lol
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Goood I don't wanna go work tomorrow, I'm gonna get told off the second I walk in the door
#vent?#the artist has a full time job and its tough#it was bosses day off but she saw me sitting through the cameras and gave me a very quick pissed off call and i couldn't even react#like sorry my back hurt so bad i felt like i was about to pass out so i decided it might be best to do this long af task while sitting#felt like i was hyperaware of all my vertebrae and ribs and they were on fire#but ooh sorry if i sit down for a task i dont even have to leave this spot for#realistically I know I'll survive getting told off but also I'd rather get ran over dhsj#im hoping she'll let me explain properly instead of coming at me first thing in the morning#i genuinely felt so faint and all i could focus on was the awfull feeling in my back but sitting down helped#also there was a miscommunication about the amount of tasks i had for the afternoon so to her im coming off as lazy but i was-#-literally just trying to make it through what I thought was my last task before closing#i hate when i feel justified but it doesn't matter cuz they dont wanna listen#but again im hoping she'll let me explain#im just anxious and feeling awful rn
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going 2 get wayyy too personal in the tags have fun if u decide 2 read 👍
#mourning the life i could have lived tonight besties 👍 what if everything had been different#like realistically it isn’t possible . I couldn’t have changed things even if I tried#but what if i didn’t have so many mental illnesses and what if I hadn’t moved here and what if I hadn’t kept dropping out of college#and what if i wasn’t sick#and i hate that term bc sick sounds like something that will get better but I think whatever is up with my body is probably forever#what if I wasn’t me <3 what then . maybe things would’ve been better#it isn’t Possible and it’s not worth thinking about but . so many things could have been different and better#im trying to be grateful for what I have and rmr how lucky I am but like#at the end of the day I’m a girl stuck in bed because everything hurts so bad#no real life goals just a shitty job that I have to go back to in the morning that will keep making my body worse#and ive pushed so many people out of my life for stupid reasons and what if i do it again and have no one left .#god .#okay focusing my mind on a single image now (nostalgia is a liar ex friends are bitches etc) im being NORMAL.#probably going to delete this immediately but who can say 👍 going to rot in bed some more I guess
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