#i hate them SO bad <33< /div>
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Rip Doug and Corey Gpi you would NOT have survived in the current economy
#they're both such guyfailures like actually#they're in their forties and most probably both BROKE#Like. Doug works as one of thise ice guys#(what do you call those???)#and Corey is like. fresh out the psych ward#They would have the most terribly shitty apartment ever#i hate them SO bad <33#this is such a dumb post#ANYWAYS. The real gpi fans will still love me after this one <33 /j#gruesome playground injuries#I'm single-handedly keeping the tag going#i work hard to make this house a home!!!!!
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You're not wrong, but all the gods are terrible in Blood of Zeus. It's why Gaea goes scorched earth.
Actually, I'd argue that we only see a case for the older Olympians* being terrible and even then, it's not all of them: Poseidon, for one, is a really good example of someone who understood that mistakes were made, that something had to give, and was more that ready to set old conflicts aside in order to move forward in the wake of Zeus' death. Hera also seems to be genuinely reflective and apologetic for the crimes she wrought and wanted, more than anything, to be given the opportunity to make amends for her actions by doing the one thing everyone thought she never could; give up her power.
Going down the line, the talking point of "oh, all the gods in Blood of Zeus are terrible" becomes weaker and weaker: Apollo's only actual crime is being too filial/his contempt of Hera, but he shows more compassion and understanding than anything - both while comforting Electra about the nature of her son and by welcoming and supporting Heron, Hermes is also similarly shown with a very strong familial loyalty, but prioritises his work above all else, Hephaestus is a councillor and assistant, Athena is protective and shown, not only rallying together her siblings in order to properly inform them of the nature of the foe they were facing (even when they had been on different sides of the Hera/Zeus conflict and even when it casts Hera in a good light and plainly makes it known that she's being framed) but also getting Persephone to fess up her part in the scheme without resorting to violence.
The only gods that were portrayed poorly in Season 2 were Ares, who feels like he'd be better off being called Damian Wayne with how intensely he's preoccupied with blood purity and being Zeus' legitimate son, Aphrodite who sides with him (but even then is shown feeling ill at ease at going along with his treachery prior to the Eleusinian Stone trial), and Demeter who is so far removed from simply 'being an asshole' that she's hurtled headfirst into being a sadistic supervillain.
(Of course Hades is also a tyrant and an asshole but I also consider him too wishy-washy and inconsistent to figure out what angle they were trying to take with him. I can't think of him as good or bad, merely confusing)
Anyway, I think people hold on to the idea that the gods in BoZ are all assholes too closely because Heron and Seraphim, our main characters, hold on to the idea that ALL gods are assholes due to being the pawn of -counts on fingers- exactly two of them. With the exception of Ares, all of the other gods have been nothing but welcoming and supportive of Heron! And what Hades does to Heron in S2 has nothing to do with his feelings about Heron himself but rather with his own goals and desperations that have been multiplied by Demeter's machinations and his own frustrations at being unable to keep his family together.
#But yeah I don't agree with the reading that all the gods in boz are bad and terrible at all#It's literally just a handful of them#The others aren't perfect by any means#They still hate each other and have mad generational beef due to the constant eye for an eye lifestyle that they live#But that's where Gaea comes in - that's where Heron comes in#The gods - all of them - need to learn how to forgive#Just like Heron had to learn to swallow the pain Seraphim caused and let go of it so he could wholeheartedly help and mourn his brother#Gaea went scorched earth because Hades killed her messiah and without him the girlies won't ever stop fighting#ginger chats about greek myths#Greek mythology#boz#blood of zeus#apollo#athena#demeter#hades#persephone#hermes#heron#Anyway hope this helps <33
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Have some Taylor !! I love her aoosois much she’s such a cutie patootie :33
#Yes she has a gap tooth#I thought it was cute :33 or wait is that a bad thing should I remove it is thst like offensive or#It’s probably not and I just have the urge to always make sure I never do anything remotely upwssting for people#Anyway#put your hand in mine you know that I want to be with you all the time you know that I won’t stop until I make you mine#Take me to your best friends house goin round this roundabout ooooohhh yeahhh take me to your best friends house I loved you then I loved#You now ohhhh yeaaa#I’m just vibing out still this sound slaps AF#maybe I should draw Jeff the killer#Why ? Idk he’s just silly#I lvooviodeee Taylor so much actually she’s so silly and sweet and amaze balls#I want to see her make a robot or like a drone that can potentially help them out#Working on more aiden in dresses things :33#Tyden art coming soon I just really hate drawing Tyler’s hair I keep giving him a mullet kns#Can you tell I have a theme in my drawings ?#school bus graveyard#sbg#sbg (webtoon)#school bus graveyard webtoon#taylor hernandez#art
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oh uh. so my essay about Lucidity is getting way longer than I meant it to, because I ended up figuring more shit out as I went, but I'm impatient to share my newest fucked up beloved so i'm just going to share some basics + the heroforge ref
JR is gone. Their head quarters literally blew up and there's only a handful of survivors. He didn't take it well.
he took it so badly in fact that he eventually ended up with goddam Jet and Obsidian, because it just so happened that they're looking for the same group that blew up JR to get rid of them! And since Lucidity, in shock and grieving and absolutely livid, is hunting them, they decided to team up.
yeah he lost his goddam mind <3
this whole thing started with me going 'what if i made ds dream evil and made him and obsidian kiss. could i do that?' and it evolved into "so there's a gay evil poly going on, but that's side story because right now we're watching lucidity's descent into evil and low-level madness as he hunts down [group] and otherwise just helps obsidian and jet achieve multiverse domination. because he's having fun."
He's also realized that he does care about nightmare a lot and really doesn't want to kill him, so there's that I guess?
oh the meme squad knows what's happening. they may be the only other ones from their MV who knows but I'm not certain yet
also Lucidity's versions of Obsidian and Jet are presently nicknamed Shale and Nightshade, respectively, though this may be subject to change.
While Lucidity's presence has made the situation in JMV much much worse overall, he has managed to get certain specific things to stop. jade and zuli are doing a little better now.
someone should probably stop them but honestly i have no idea who or how so they're just going to run free and cause severe problems for everyone. except nightmare. lucidity won't let nightmare get involved in any way, shape, or form, including trying to keep him hidden away in the manor. nightmare must go home and stay there.
(Nightmare, Cross, and Error are digging up all the information they can find about what's been happening in JMV. they have no idea what they're going to do with this information, because they're real sure they can't do shit, but they're looking.)
#I'm going to make these fuckers one tag just so it doesn't end up in sciency corners#Lucidity/Shale/Nightshade#Lucidity lost everything he had. *Everything.* and now he's gonna get revenge.#though he also got boyfriends out of it. and woe betide any who hurt them#on the bright (?) side there's very very few people who can actually hurt them other than each other. so he won't have to worry too much#shale naturally refuses acknowledge the fact that they're all dating. Nightshade and Lucidity? yeah. obviously.#him and either of them? what the hell are you talking about. why would you even think that. are you stupid#he's in denial dwbi#he *is* a little bit better about it when it's just the three of them. mainly because lucidity got tired of his shit even before the gay#and told him to knock it off#(with stronger language)#(and possibly a threat to fry his ass a little if Lucidity has to hear one more “I fucking hate you.” - “I love you too <33” - “fuck *off*”#but he's still an emotionally constipated little bitch (derogatory) (also a little affectionate)#nightshade meanwhile is having a GREAT time with his new boyfriend who can fly AND they keep ganging up on Shale when he's being stupid#because they lov himb <33#it's still a little Yikes but not as bad as it could be. which is saying something.
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i think it fucks immensely that bk moon went out of his way to 1) establish rakiel wished to live a long life and eventually pass away of old age, 2) have him very briefly envy an immortal being only to be told very clearly to be careful what he wishes for by that very same person because living forever isn't all it's cracked up to be, 3) make the main antagonist be another immortal being who is so desperate to die he's willing to destroy the universe just to finally rest and 4) have said antagonist psychologically torture rakiel with the threat of making him live for a thousand years as everyone he loves and knows eventually grows old and dies and becomes nothing but forgotten memories.
only to then end the novel by making rakiel also immortal
like. god. it's so fucking good i love it. i'm not being sarcastic i genuinely think it fucks and it's one of the best ways bk moon could've wrapped up the plot.
it's a happy ending by all means but it has consequences and through the entire novel we've been shown and told over and over again just how heavy the consequences are and/or will be on rakiel.
he got his happy ending but it was at a price and by the last time we see him he's only just starting to pay for it.
it's great i love it
#i talk a lot <3#cpsm#cpsm spoilers#rakiel magentano#i also think it's funny that this puts bk moon in the very awkward position when it comes to his 'romance' with adeline#because either rakiel allows her to remain human and sees her grow old and eventually die just like acheros threatened him with#(and like he will do with absolutely everyone he loves anyway <3)#or he keeps her alive and frozen in time just like acheros wanted to do with him forcing her to be cut off from the world#in most ways that matter and see the people she loves grow old and die. again. just like acheros threatened to do with him :)#like. either way. the situations sucks for them <33#i do think it's cheap if he can make her immortal without it being a big deal. because. why wouldn't it be.#it would be absolutely broken if absolutes can just. make people immortal for funsies whenever they want. that would be bad writing.#but again i also think it's cheap that he made alicia an angel for no other reason than bc someone needed to remind us lloyd is married#to a woman actually. like. she doesn't even do anything why did you ruin the absolute tragedy that is being an immortal being surrounded#by very mortal humans just to make awful 'my wife is annoying' jokes. i hate you.#sigh. it's lose/lose when it comes to women with this man and his choices.#either they're fridged to make his male characters sad or they become the butt of misogynistic jokes. i cannot fucking win.#ANYWAY. do i think any of this was on purpose? maybe idk i certainly hope so and want to believe it is because otherwise it would be#too much of a coincidence but like. this is also the man who wrote a character very explicitly and clearly wishing to live a quiet life#with his family in his middle-of-nowhere estate where nothing ever happens with no contact at all with royalty and court#so he can laze about and do absolutely nothing. and then married him to a queen who cannot stand lazy people and squeezes the last bit#of talent of everyone around her. and he saw nothing wrong with this. so like. i genuinely cannot tell with this man sometimes 🙃🙃
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sincerely, get the fuck out of the bsd fandom we do not want u in here. please report, block and move on
#low key feel bad for pro shippers bc like- what makes u like that??#genuinely#I wanna study ppl’s brains in a lab and see what makes them all tick#block and report#block and avoid#reblogs r appreciated for this#spread awareness#dni proship#dni proshitters#shipping atsushi and kyouka is so fucking foul like please get out of this fandom#just a reminder don’t spread hate or be rlly rude to this person. They are clearly struggling and#even tho this is not the healthiest coping mechanism it is theirs. though you may hate it and find it disgusting (trust me i do too)#basic respect is still mandatory. please just report block and move on#<3#bungou stray dogs#bsd#bungo gay dogs#bsd fandom#bsd manga#bsd anime#silly posting:33#:333#uzi posts:3
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#it's 1am and i'm depressed and don't want to go to bed#there's such an unbelievable amount of century-defining tragedy and horror in the world rn#and i know that’s always true but jfc we know about so much more of it simultaneously now#like i'm supposed to be chill and functional in the face of war pandemic climate change forever chemicals micro plastics and fascism?#and and and?#i'm supposed to smile and ask follow-up questions when people tell me about vacations to Hawaii#rather than shaking them and saying holy fuck stop doing that please learn about the ramifications and historical context of your actions#i'm supposed to smile and give a measured response when a new coworker asks my other coworker and me#when they can/SHOULD use generative AI *for work purposes*#rather than screaming and throwing articles at them about the environmental impact of LLM bullshit#and that's all large scale#that's not getting into the fact that there's a growing family chilliness over refusal to communicate about I/P shit#or the fact that my mom is dying slowly and hates it and is worsening her relationship with my siblings little by little#or the fact that I'm peeling away at my sanity trying to process a divorce and get healthcare for my cat and dental care for myself#or the fact that it takes hours of research to find DISH SOAP THAT DOESN’T KILL THE MICROBIOMES OF THE LOCAL WATER SUPPLY#(10/10 recommend 'blueland' for that if you're reading btw)#like i'm painfully aware of the back-patting level of efficacy that i have for buying different soap and going to the farmer's market#but there's only so much i can do so i have to try to do what i can right? but it's so little and everything is so much#and my mental health is a mess; the fact that my particular neurotype is known to get more volatile with age scares the shit oit of me#like it's this bad at 33 and it gets WORSE?#my job is great for personal privilege but so *so* meaningless and redundant#and how tf do i look at all of this and not feel fucking hopeless?#i can distract myself with my garden but the candide approach was myopic even in the 17th century so it's hard to justify now#I'm so tired#just... fuck man#tag rant#i should delete this but I'll forget if you read this far i hope it wasnt damaging to your mental health#i just had to let off the brain scream pressure somewhere
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Started a post comparing the Messner-Loebs Flash and WW runs and their successes and failures (imo) in portraying certain themes and their similarities to each other but it started getting long and im a very slow tumblr post writer so that's a meta for another day. I do have what I think are well formed opinions on this and I'm fresh off of reading both runs so you guys are not allowed to let me forget abt writing this all up okay. Okay.
#many thoughts on why the “poverty arc” (bad name but cant think of a better one atm) works in flash but doesnt at all in ww#and how it relates to how people irl find themselves in that position and the relationship of that to support networks#also thoughts abt similar issues like flash 33 and ww 64. and also WML's weird fixation with the joker#and how his runs on both differ in their relationship with the run before (baron w flash and pérez w wonder woman) and how he follows up#blah#but yeah dont let me forget to lay all my thoughts out professionally abt this while theyre still relatively fresh#anyways sidenote legally obligated to say I HATE MICAH RAINES (of wml's ww) SO MUCH#HES LIKE ED INDELICATO BUT WORSE. W O R S E. DO YOU KNOW HOW DIFFICULT THAT IS FOR ME TO SAY OKAY#like i hated indelicato so much only for them to introduce literally the same guy but worse. and then have him work w wondy and her be the#muscle of his sketchy ass business. groan#also need to make it clear that i do despise indelicato. im the number 1 pérez run girlie (self proclaimed) but i do hate that character w a#burning passion. so annoying. my saving grace is that he never dated diana. he had his little crush and all the 90s readers in the letter#section kept trying to push it but thank god they never got together#would actually have to shoot myself if that happened actually
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#periodical life updates#HUH. OKAY. MANY THINGS OF NOTE. things im not excited for first!!#im going to go into coding now because my parents want me to so whatever i guess!! i think coding is cool anyway and im willing to learn#its such a vague job. my sister recommends front end web development. i still dont know. i guess i'll look into it. gwuah.#registered for classes and now im just waiting for them to start. i dont know if i can do four classes. ive tried and failed before.#but im grown now. classes should be simple. i should be fine. i have to finish this soon.#im going to the dentists soon and as much as i hate toothaches i HATE THE DENTISTS i hate them im so scared of them u-u <33#i probably need a lot of fillings and sht and im not hype about it. i hate the dentists but i know my teeth will hurt bad so i will go ughh#im tired and i need to cook spaghetti soon and life is currently so up in the air right now. i have things i want to queue but everytime i#go look at my drafts i just close the tab again guhhh. okay lets talk about other things now.#changed my profile pic!! its so cute i love my orange pattern shirt <3 daily eca is posted and that ones cute too <3#im excited for the pjsk pop in my heart event; ive been waiting for a four star emu for so long and nicori smile survey is a fun song <3#the valentines day one has such a cute emu too and the white day event has a knight tsukasa which i ADORE <3 knights are so my aesthetic#got to say good morning to darling and eros today <33 might make an oc for a friend on twitter's oc storyline which is fun <3#finished some things up yesterday that i dont have to deal with anymore.#im trying. im trying really hard. we'll get there eventually. *sighs*#napping now maybe. i love you <3
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akieva au pleaaaaaase 🤲🏼
also asked by @nuclearstorms thank you so much besties. this is a follow up of that lil akieva piece i shared on wip day a while ago :))
let people send you an ask with the WIP title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet of it or tell them something about it.
For a moment Eva believed that she could touch them – nothing new, one could say, but this one was different for the simple yet astonishing event that they stepped willingly into the office, the proposal was still lingering in the air between them and it surely didn’t involve any work. And so Eva thought she won, once again, until Akira stopped the fingers that were threatening to touch their face, what was left of it; they ended her advance and caught her wrist with a hold that was slightly too tight.
“Careful.” That was the only word leaving their lips as Eva’s breath stopped for what she felt were hours; yet that glint in her gaze didn’t disappear, a challenge lover as she was could not stop playing with fire, even when it threatened to burn her to the bone.
“Do you prefer that I use my other fingers then?” She asked with a dangerous playfulness and let her left hand run along the collar of their shirt. Cold metal on cold metal. They were made for each other, wasn’t that clear?
Akira didn’t admonish her this time, the reason unknown to them as well, but no change of mind occurred for the prohibition they imposed: no one could dare to touch their jaw, or their neck, now just a cluster of dead cold cyberware, especially a snake like Evangelia. She was clever though, and far too expert at this game; the challenging look she gave them as her knee ran up and between their parted legs spoke louder than any other of her witty replies.
#ask#arklay#akieva my new beloveds....akira hates her so bad it makes them look stupid and h-(GUNSHOTS) i love them a normal amount :) kjfsnkj#THANK YOU BOTH SO MUCH FOR THE ASK!! MWAH MWAH <33
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we wouldn't win more than 40 games with this i'm so deadass
#this is what i meant when i said i don't wanna be mediocre now and really bad in the future#this dude wants to give up our future for 33 year old washed up draymond only for us to miss the playoffs again#and if we do make them we'll not make it past the first round so what even is this for#listen. listen. i'm fully ready to get along with a 16 win season and dame getting mvp chants in fuckin miami#if it means i won't have to sit through THIS and narratives about how stupid portland was to let go of two generational talents#trade dame. just fuckin trade him if this is what he sees for this team#love him to death but his time is OVER children#nba#portland trail blazers#damian lillard#sigh the sports gods really hate me do they not#had me sit through the lamar contract debacle and two months after that they said let's put this bitch into ANOTHER situation#i'm tired boss
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This post has led to straight people literally coming to my blog to threaten me with death and genocide. That’s how you know it’s accurate . ❤️❤️❤️ Conservatives are so sad they’re missing out on something as beautiful and powerful as Gay LOTR, which their puny monkey brains are incapable of imagining,….and the more they shriek about how it cant possibly exist because they haven’t experienced it, the more I know that I was RIGHT with this post. So sad hope they get well soon ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Also a special “fuck you” to all the moronic gay people in the replies/tags saying “I’m gay but this post is offensive somehow and I agree with the conservatives”— I hope you know the people you’re joining this dogpile with literally want you dead! <333 being gay doesn’t make you smart, and it’s sad how easily you fall for homophobic fascist propaganda as long as it’s framed as “defending traditional friendship values from the disgusting degenerate gays.” Here’s my hot tip for you— don’t be a ‘pick me’ gay! Don’t act like you’re ‘not like other gays!’ you can’t appease homophobes because they literally want to kill you, and any shallow pretense of “defending friendship” is just the excuse they’re using to kill you! ^_^ <333 Hope that helps! ❤️
It’s also interesting to contrast the LOTR cast talking about the possible queerness of the story (openly gay Ian McKellan talking about how the queerness was something that drew him to the books, Sean Astin and Elijah Wood both recently expressing that queer interpretations of the story are valid/nice/deserve to be respected), ……..with the insane insecurity of people who will sling slurs/Nazi propaganda at you and then threaten you with genocide for even lightheartedly suggesting gay interpretations are possible. XD. These monsters also apparently want to massacre the very people who created the things they supposedly “enjoy.”
Which makes sense, because fascists don’t view art as a way to help you make sense of the world and your experiences, or even as a way to connect with the art’s creator— they view art as a possible weapon to beat people with. Art is meaningless to them unless it can function as violent propaganda, as a weapon they can use in their genocidal crusade against “degenerates.”
The fascists in my notes/inbox weren’t who I was talking about when I mentioned having conversations with people who watched the movies “in a funhouse mirror alternate reality.’ (I was just thinking about ordinary inoffensive clueless straight grandmothers who aren’t hurting anyone, and I wasn’t being judgemental at all- I was just making a lighthearted observation based on funny awkward conversations I’ve had. And I don’t apologize for it, because I was correct. If anything my mistake was that I treated ‘gay’ and ‘straight’ interpretations as if they were on completely equal footing, instead of straight interpretations being dominant and gay interpretations being something marginalized we have to fight for because people are attempting to violently eradicate them.) But yeah these horrible people definitely exist in their own vile awful cruel world.
Idk how to phrase this but Gay Lord of the Rings and Straight Lord of the Rings are two completely different trilogies. hilariously different. I hear straight people talk about lord of the rings and it’s like they watched the movies in a bizarre funhouse mirror alternate reality
#this post started getting reblogged again so#anyway I wanted to write some kind of response to all the hate I’ve been getting for this#which is probably a bad idea but well FUCK conservatives#conservatives are evil but#pick me gays are so stupid#get well soon <33#I might write a longer post later#on the way people easily fall for fascist rhetoric when it’s framed as ‘defending thing from degenerates’ rather than ‘hating degenerates’#but that’s later#anyway frodo and Sam are gay#I refuse to delete this post because I am right#I am objectively correct#…#also thinking about how when I vented about this a while ago#someone responded by advising me to curate a positive experience.#implying it was my fault for not being positive enough#yeah sure if I Dream A Little Harder I won’t have right wing fascists threatening me with death#ahsjdjkdkdkdkf XD#but thankfully it’s not like a dogpile now?#it’s just that the post is making some rounds with conservatives again and I don’t want it to blow up again#so I wanted to write something#so if does get popular in conservatives circles/I start getting hate again#I’ll have this response up at least#and maybe that’ll make things worse but at least they’ll know I hate them back! <333
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ohh i do Not like my hair being wet ouhrrr
#just me hi#Ouhrrrrrrrr#It's just a bad sensation but it's hard to describe Why#I like water and I like being in it but I hate it On My Head after I'm out of it. Sigh!#Don't like touching it either. My hair is gross when wet <///3#I just outta the shower so the damp sufferings have commenced lmfshv#//also been thinking about how I say words because I have been TEASED. For saying water funny hfbshc#It really does come out like 'woerder' but in a subtle why lol#n 'shawr' (shower). which I think Must be more common but I think it's fun :3#n milk is pronounced 'mewk' but again; subtly hfhs#Siblings are barely starting to catch on.. quick i need to add more before they find all of them kfhsvdc#those are the most common ones anyway :)#//anyway watched gladiator before the shower it was good 💥#Also watched a movie while doing the inks to my last piece called uhhh sanctified I think ? It's a western n it's on yt for free so#That one was good too i liked the character death by the tree [<- purposefully vague]#I have questions but nobody has answers so I'll spin them to myself kfshvfh#//also thinking abt how i cannot just blast all my affection for someone in a condensed beam straight into their brain :(#Like it's just in my heart. And I'm sposed to hold it there until I figure out how to get it out#Which is okay. Ig that leaves eternity to try to find out how to tell and show#Sigh. yea :)#//also my youngest siblings are learning to skate !!!!!#I'm so prouddddddddddd blooooo [on the ground]#The youngest Finally got the hang of moving around and she's figured out how to turn when she's going a bit quick !!! Hey !!!#i taught the two of them how to do little jumps to avoid cracks in the pavement and Yea#The older one got a hang of moving Real quick!! I'm thinking he might like learning to do jumps at some point so I'll ask our other brother#Abt that :33#He was p good at jumps and tricks :D I remember this one time during open street in Detroit they had these ramps for skateboarders I think#And he was just Flying off of them#It was cool :D#//ANYWHO. I can sincerely talk abt my siblings all day but they would be so mad at me if I bragged abt them so KFVSH
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im so close to being free from heeeellll
#aka dealing with my city being a bunch of bastards <33#like be mean or snide to my mom again & i /will/ become a rabid dog uwu#after the 14th we're free for their fuckery at least!!!!!!!#so maybe MAYBE#a bitch (me) can watch some movies i haven't seen :3 namely bl@de & bl@de ii possibly some others#bc im caught up on al!En (minus 3 & 4 bc FUCK those movies fr). i can hopefully see romul-s!!!!#i wanna see deadp00l & w0lverine pls g o d#speaking fo them---is this al my time to rewatch xm3n movies >:3 bwuahahah MAYHAPS#will we skip l@st stand. apocalypse. l0gan. & dark ph0enix? absolutely. bc fuck all of those movies collectively & individually#granted my may watch apoc SOLELY for Charles & peter my beloved morons#ive also gotta rewatch the v3nom ffiillmmsss but where the fuck is carnage streaming >:(( let me see eddie being my beloved moron#with his weird symbi0te husband who hates him but also loves hiiiimmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm#can we tell im chatty today because i feel human today? ASKJSHJKASFKJSF IM SO SORRY#ALSO TO CALRIFY L0GAN ISNT A BAD MOVIE!!! ITS JSUT HEARTBREAKIGN & IM WEAK OF BITCH!!#ky rambles
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you said you were stuck in a time loop, which was fine. i feel like late-stage capitalism has us all in a time loop, ammiright? you came barging in at 5:33. in the morning. i hadn't even processed the idea of coffee.
but you had this look of utter panic in your eyes. terror like the ocean. you grabbed my cheeks. im in a time loop.
i don't know why in movies the first reaction is to deny it. when someone is panicking like that, it's not appropriate to ask them to calm down. it didn't matter if i believed it, what mattered was that you believed it so much that it was consuming you.
so here we are. i pour you some of the dark roast. "you look like utter and entire hell," i say.
you push your fingers into your eyes. "you always say that."
i try to think of something funny to say that i wouldn't have said on previous time loops, but jokes don't land without the proper timing (lol). "remind me to think -"
"-yeah, of a joke that only works in the future. and before you say anything, i know you're pissed i just stole your punchline." you bolt the coffee, which is wild. it's very hot. you don't seem to notice.
i blow on mine to cool it down. i both am very pissed at you and also i can't see you in this amount of panic without wanting to help. but i'm also not really sure what we are, not since i saw you kiss her like that, no offense. it just was like, kind of rude when you knew i liked you.
and besides. i'm just like, barely a person. i write omegaverse fanfiction. i love the concept of a time loop, but what the fuck am i gonna do? send an alpha in there? i open my mouth.
you point at me. "you're about to ask why me. and then say some disparaging shit about yourself. i'm just a nerd who plays dnd or something. that self-own is slightly different each time." you sigh. "i know you think you can't really help me. i don't know who can help me. i only came to you because you fucking believe me." you check your watch, sigh, and throw your head back. you cover your eyes with one hand. "i've come here on 26 separate revolutions," you say. "you have believed me every time. and yeah, i have no idea how you fit into this but i just -" you sigh again. "i just like fucking talking to someone about it."
"do you need more cof-" i start, but you're already holding the empty cup out. i frown at it. "you're not getting any more until you promise not to bolt this one like an animal."
you laugh a little and sit up, pushing your hair out of your face. "okay, that's new dialogue. but to be fair to you, i'm not usually this rude. i'm still pretty new at all of this." you check your watch again. another sigh. i guess you're cruising for a personal best in the Sigh Olympics.
i almost tell you im not an NPC but i've played enough video games to know i'm very much an NPC. i pour you another cup. "so what happens in the loop?"
"really bad explosion." you mutter into the mug. you put your elbows on the table (rude) and bury your face in your arms like an angsty teenager. one hand floats up while you talk, because evidently you literally can't talk without your hands. "i have to save the day and there's this bomb and i have no bomb training and it keeps moving, you know."
"do i die?"
you peek up from your arms. "yeah. bigtime. you keep trying to run or stay or do anything and you always super die."
"oh."
"to be fair, like, everyone dies in it though.... so you're in good company."
i hate that you make me laugh. i hate that being around you always feels tingly and strange, this electric tension between us. something that is evidently (given how you stuck your tongue down a stranger's throat literally 3 days ago) (well. 3 for me) super one-sided. i take a sip of my coffee and close my eyes.
i die today, i guess. a little spark of panic starts at the top of my hands and starts whipping up my wrists.
"shit," you say. you look at your watch and jump to your feet. "i have to go. if i can come back, i will. i am still trying to figure out when is best to do everything, you know? the order of stuff. maybe morning isn't good for us."
i look up at you and think about how you keep kissing me in the back of my car and in alleyways and in the dark. and i can never fucking get a read on you. and i also think about how incredibly panicked you look. how broken. how long have you been doing this? "i don't want to die," i say.
you glance downwards. "well, you're not really dead, you'll come back in the loop."
"but i will have died." my hands are shaking. i am trying really hard to stay calm.
you push your hands through your hair again. "i really have to go. i will have this discussion with the next version of you, though. it is like, something i am thinking about."
"but i don't get a next version," i say. i don't really have the language for this, because i haven't had 26 tries with you. i only have my memories: you, a week ago. drunk and telling me you loved me in my ear. you, kissing her anyway. you, months ago, throwing up on my birthday, whispering to me i ruin everything i touch, always, over and over. please don't ask. i can't ever fucking have that be you.
i run my finger along the rim of the mug. "i don't want to die in this one."
you seem baffled by this. "i get that but - time will reset, you'll be fine, you won't even remember we talked about this."
"but i know now." i stand up too. "i have to live the rest of this day knowing i could die. knowing i probably am going to."
"you could always die, to be fair."
i feel my hands get out of control. "earlier, you said i always say a different insult about myself. what if you're just going through different parallel universes and those are all just different - but real - versions of myself? what if you're not in a time loop, you're in a fucking universe loop?"
"if it helps, i've wondered this too. also, you're hot in all of them. if that helps."
i point at you. "no flirting. i'm trying to figure out if i die today."
"who's flirting?" you catch my wild hands and give me that long, perfect smile. like we're in this together. "i won't let ya die." you check your watch and sigh again. "well. maybe not this time."
i grit my teeth. you are so not making quips at me while i try to explain the existential dread i'm having. "does the time loop reset if i fucking kill you?"
"honestly i don't know how long it continues after i die, because i just wake up. it could be that the loop goes until the explosion for everyone, and we're all in the loop, or it could be that when i die, the loop restarts. when i die i wake up, is all."
i pull away from you and stalk into the kitchen and start doing all 3 of my dishes. "okay, first, you know i was joking. and secondly, this is exactly my point. you don't know if this is just a parallel universe. maybe in the ones where you died, the explosion happened and nobody reset and it's just you travelling." i have to stop and push my heel into my eyeball. "... how often have you died?"
i look at you. you look at me. you give me this very sad, halfway smile and a little what can ya do shrug. something in that action seems so old and weary that i want to burst into tears.
"i have to go," you say. "really. for real. there's this family of five i save from getting into a car crash. and i know it's like oh but we're all gonna die in the explosion anyway, what's the point. and..." you shrug again. "it matters to me, is all. at least i saved them for now. at least i saved anything."
you pad over to me and wrap me in a tight hug. you always seem so tall against me. i feel your cheek rest against the top of my head for a moment. for a second, it's just us, and the space is warm, and my heart is a little broken hare.
you leave me there, and i stand in my stupid badly lit kitchen with my stupid mugs. i think about you. i start texting my mom that she needs to get out of the city, but it feels pointless.
i don't know what to do. tomorrow is the same day for you. but i have to prepare to die in my today.
#warm up#prose#i just realized that there's a horror film in there about being someone NOT in a loop.#if i wanted to make it longer i'd have them come back like SUPER battered and hellish.#on round like 999#like halfway through lunch like - YOU . I LOVE U . IM SORRY . I RUINED IT BC I LOVE U CANT U SEE THAT#but like. yeah man what happens when someone else in control of ur destiny#what happens to all the versions of u that DO die...#i also wanted a pre-redemption time looper - this person#(who in my brain is they/them)#is absolutelyyyyyy toying with the narrator bc the time looper is caught up in like#an emo angsty '' i can't have what i want bc i ruin things'' self harm spiral#and like literally the way out of that spiral is to TRY bud.#but this is a person pre-redemption. still kind of an ass. still not really listening to her#still a little bit ignoring that they kissed someone 3 days ago#still KNOWS she likes them and DOES like her back. but is just too chickenshit still.#we're talkin that person we've ALL dated that's like ''i can't be with u anymore bc i am Too Broken and I Can't Stand Hurting U"#... i imagine they grow up tho. eventually.
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Answering in tags bc I can
Weird Questions for Writers (because writers are weird)
1. What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting?
2. If you had to give up your keyboard and write your stories exclusively by hand, could you do it? If you already write everything by hand, a) are you a wizard and b) pen or pencil?
3. What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed?
4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?
5. Do you have any writing superstitions? What are they and why are they 100% true?
6. What is your darkest fear about writing?
7. What is your deepest joy about writing?
8. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go?
9. Do you believe in ghosts? This isn’t about writing I just wanna know
10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?
11. Do you believe in the old advice to “kill your darlings?” Are you a ruthless darling assassin? What happens to the darlings you murder? Do you have a darling graveyard? Do you grieve?
12. If a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? Btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into Lorem Ipsum, I don’t make the rules
13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?
14. Do you lend your books to people? Are people scared to borrow books from you? Do you know exactly where all your “lost” books are and which specific friend from school you haven’t seen in twelve years still possesses them? Will you ever get them back?
15. Do you write in the margins of your books? Dog-ear your pages? Read in the bath? Why or why not? Do you judge people who do these things? Can we still be friends?
16. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever used as a bookmark?
17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.
18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage.
19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?
20. If a witch offered you the choice between eternal happiness with your one true love and the ability to finally finish, perfect, and publish your dearest, darlingest, most precious WIP in exactly the way you've always imagined it — which would you choose? You can’t have both sorry, life’s a bitch
21. Could you ever quit writing? Do you ever wish you could? Why or why not?
22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?
23. Describe the physical environment in which you write. Be as detailed as possible. Tell me what’s around you as you work. Paint me a picture.
24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?
25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story?
26. How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place?
27. Who is the most stressful character you’ve ever written? Why?
28. Who is the most delightful character you’ve ever written? Why?
29. Where do you draw your inspiration? What do you do when the inspiration well runs dry?
30. Talk to me about the role dreams play in your writing life. Have you ever used material from your dreams in your writing? Have you ever written in a dream? Did you remember it when you woke up?
31. Write a short love letter to your readers.
32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?
33. Do you practice any other art besides writing? Does that art ever tie into your writing, or is it entirely separate?
34. Thoughts on the Oxford comma, Go:
35. What’s your favorite writing rule to smash into smithereens?
36. They say to Write What You Know. Setting aside for a moment the fact that this is terrible advice...what do you Know?
37. If you were to be remembered only by the words you’ve put on the page, what would future historians think of you?
38. What is something about your writing process YOU think is Really Weird? If you are comfortable, please share. If you’re not comfortable, what do you think cats say about us?
39. What keeps you writing when you feel like giving up?
40. Please share a poem with me, I need it.
#whatever happens happens#1. Times New Roman (9) yes it matters#2. I actually used to write my fics entirely by hand before moving them over on my phone- pen#8. Without dialogue bc i am so bad at it 💀#9. Yes#15. no????#19. During A STAAR test on a paper towel because i was bored#21. No- yes bc it haunts me#22. Not at all#24. None#33. Music Art Painting- yes music connecta#34. I use it too much#35. The rules#37. Gay#38. Bro i just sit and go hate it and then do no editing
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