#i hate the 4th of july i really fucking do. catch me looking down at people lighting fireworks while i sip my classic american Big Drink.

[josecariohca]

.

[calpalirwin]

Spotlight

Summary: Ashton gets back to his craft

Word Count: 2.3k

And away, and away we go!

__

To say that watching Ashton under a year and a half of quarantine and uncertainty was difficult would be an understatement. Watching him ride out his lowest lows as he chased for the slightest high broke your heart in ways you didn’t know were possible. Sure, there were the moments when you thought he was pulling himself out of his personal pit of hell- the immediate release of CALM a week into lockdown, the creation of Superbloom and its release, along with the mini virtual concert. But oftentimes your usually happy-go-lucky sweetheart of a boyfriend was incredibly short-tempered, the smallest of things igniting a wildfire of frustration that tested both your patience and relationship with him. 

It was a tense year and a half, filled with screaming matches, tears falling like broken glass, and slamming doors. But it was also a year and a half of heartfelt confessions, new routines allowing for renewed intimacy, and selfish desires that the time would stay stopped.

Oh, but the way he lit up like the sky on the 4th of July when he learned the news that he could go back into the studio with his boys? Worth every damn thing watching his grin as he circled the date on the calendar in a wide streak of black Sharpie. 

And when those studio days turned into rehearsal days? You thought he’d fall apart as he tried to spit out the words. 

“BABE!” Ashton’s voice boomed the second the front door opened, loud with excitement.

“What?” you asked, coming to greet him.

Your own cheeks hurt looking at the grin plastered across his face. “Rehearsals!” he whooped.

“Are you serious?!”

“Yeah!”

“For tour?!”

“Yes and no. We have a show!”

“ASHTON!”

“I KNOW!” His arms were around you in a flash, picking you up and spinning you around as both of your laughs bounced off the walls. 

“Dizzy, dizzy!” you called out to him still laughing.

He set you down on your feet, and then his lips were on yours in a bruising kiss. “FUCK!” he couldn’t stop laughing or smiling. “Baby, I’m so excited. I have a show. With the boys. It’s real. We’re back. If we get to do this show… God, baby, it changes everything. I- It means we really get to go back. We won’t have to keep postponing our tour. We can put out the new album. And…” the words fell in a flurry as the reality of what he’d been missing for so long being within arm’s reach again set in. A rogue tear rolled down his cheek. “Fuck, I’ve missed this feeling.”

“I’ve missed seeing you this happy,” you smiled at him, catching the tear with your thumb before brushing his wild hair from his face.

“You’re coming right?” he asked, his smile faltering as his voice took on a note of fear. 

“To the show? Of course, babe. I wouldn’t miss it for anything.”

His lips curved upwards again, but it didn’t quite match the smile he’d been wearing when he first came bounding through the door. “And tour? If we get that far? If we get that lucky?”

“Stop,” you said, holding his face in your hands. “Stop the spiral. Let yourself be excited.”

“But-” The doubts were beginning to rear their ugly head. He had already allowed himself to believe the covid shit was behind him once before. 

“I don’t want the rug pulled out from under you either,” you told him softly. “But allow yourself this moment, Ash. And we’ll deal with the rest later.”

His eyes fluttered shut for a second as he leaned into your touch. When he opened them again, the kaleidoscope of colors that were his hazel eyes were soft. “I-” he started, words of how sorry he was for all the times he snapped harshly at you, how grateful he was for you toughing it out with him, and how he selfishly wasn’t ready to start missing you again a trapped jumble on his tongue. “I-” he tried again.

“I know,” you interrupted, stretching upwards to nudge your nose against his. “I know.”

~~~

While he hadn’t been able to get the words out, he found a different way of expressing himself in a way that left you both breathless and at a loss for words. 

And when you woke the next morning, rolling over to find his side of the bed empty, despite your excitement for Ashton, your heart ached for the reality of what was to come of him stepping back into the spotlight. 

But the bed was still warm, suggesting it hadn’t been long since he had left, and when you stumbled downstairs, you easily found him standing in the kitchen, his back to you as he poured coffee into two mugs. “Morning,” you greeted, wrapping your arms around his bare waist and pressing a kiss between his shoulders.

“Oh, hey,” he said, turning in your arms to kiss the top of your head. “You coulda stayed in bed. I was bringing up the coffee.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he giggled. “What? Did you think I’d left already?”

Your shoulders shrugged as you let go of your hold on him. “Yeah.”

“Without saying goodbye, first? C’mon, you gotta know me better than that.”

You shrugged again, reaching around him for one of the coffee mugs. “Well, thanks,” you murmured, taking a sip.

He frowned as he grabbed the other mug. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

“Y/N… C’mon, we’ve been stuck together in this house forever now. You think I don’t know when you’re hiding from me?”

“I- It’s nothing. When do you gotta meet with the guys?”

“Not for a while. Stop deflecting.”

You sighed. “The bed was empty, okay? Let’s face it. For the shitshow that’s covid, it gave us a lot of time. A lot of time we don’t normally get to share because of our jobs. And that’s all I want to say about it because I’m happy, Ash. I’m happy you have studio days and rehearsal days again. I’m happy you have shows again.”

“But you can be happy for me, and pissed about an empty bed. You can be both at the same time.”

“Yeah, but it makes me feel fuckin’ lousy, Ash. Like this is the reality of your job. We’re not strangers to it. I’m just being selfish.”

He chuckled, taking your coffee mug from you and setting it along with his on the counter. “I’m not ready to miss you either.” Then his arms were pulling you in close to him, his hold both strong and gentle. “Wanna be selfish with me before I have to leave?” he asked, his breath hot on your neck, the kiss hungry as it traveled up the column of your throat to your lips. “Be selfish with me until we can’t.”

And how could you deny Ashton’s request when he held you, looked at you, and loved you the way he did?

~~~

A couple hours after Ashton left for rehearsals, you left yourself to go surprise him. The house was too quiet without him, and rehearsals were different from regular studio time. More special in a way you couldn’t put words to. 

For some reason you were nervous as you pushed your way into the studio, his head snapping up at the sound of the door. “Baby!” he grinned up at you from where he was sitting on the floor next to Calum. “What are you doing here?”

“Thought I’d surprise you guys. Bring you all some lunch,” you said, holding up a food bag as proof. 

“You’re the greatest,” he beamed, pushing himself up onto his feet and crossing the room to you. 

“So you rehearse on the floor?” you questioned with a teasing smile.

“Well, we were taking a small break,” he told you with a sheepish smile.

“We were actually ordering food, but this is way better,” Michael chimed in, taking the bag of food from you, and giving you a quick hug hello. “Ash is right. You’re the greatest.”

“Yeah, best surprise ever, especially for Mike,” Luke laughed and Calum nodded in agreement.

Happy chatter ensued as food was passed around, Ashton sitting as close to you as he could, his nerves making the tips of his fingers shake. “You okay?” you whispered, gripping one of his hands tightly in yours.

He nodded. “Yeah. Just nerves about getting back into things.” He gave you a quick kiss before getting up to go sit at his drum kit. And how he could manage to look both so at home and so vulnerable at the same time was beyond you. 

You looked over at the other guys, wondering if they were seeing what you were seeing, and Calum nodded knowingly at you while Luke and Michael offered up sad smiles of confirmation. Sighing, you got up and made your way over to Ashton, wedging yourself between him and his drum kit. “Talk to me,” you urged softly.

“It’s been a long time.”

“It has,” you agreed. “But you didn’t stop being a musician. You still played. You still made music this whole time.”

“What if we mess up? What if I mess up?”

“What if you don’t?”

He scoffed lightly. “I’m being serious, Y/N.”

“I am, too. Look, Ash. These are your boys. Playing music with them is what you were born to do. And I’m pretty sure they’re having the same worry as you about messing up. And it’s okay if you guys mess up. That’s why you’re having rehearsals.”

He let out a slow breath. “Yeah… Suppose you’re right.” He pushed his hands through his hair, taking another slow breath. “Okay. Okay, I can do this. Muscle memory.”

“Muscle memory,” you smiled reassuringly at him, draping your arms across his shoulders and leaning your forehead against his. “You got this, baby.”

“Will you stay? Having an audience… having you… It might help.”

“Of course, babe.”

~~~

The night of the show, you stood off to the side and out of the way as Ashton and the guys talked with the press about being back after almost two years of not playing a show together. You watched with a smile at the way Calum and Luke started humming their responses, and Michael took over the conversation when Ashton started fidgeting with his hands, giving Ashton that brief pause to collect his thoughts and settle his nerves. 

“Muscle memory,” you reminded him softly when they all came back to prepare to go on stage.

“Muscle memory,” he nodded, shrugging out of his jacket. But his hands still shook as he draped it over a chair. So you grabbed them, holding them still in your own hands. “Fuck, I hate this,” he whispered in defeat.

“You’re allowed to be nervous, Ash.”

“I know. I just hate it. Of all the feelings I’ve missed, this isn’t one of them.”

“So focus on that. Focus on how great it feels knowing that there’s a crowd of people out there waiting for you guys. And fuck the rest.”

“It really helps that you’re here, you know that?”

“I wouldn’t miss this moment for anything.”

“I-” he started, but a stagehand came rushing through, ushering them towards the stage.

You kissed him swiftly. “I love you, too. Now go be amazing.”

Again, with a smile plastered on your face, you watched them from the wings. It was effortless how easily they fell back into performing live with each other, as if covid had never stopped them. The perfect team of brothers. 

Ashton’s eyes were lit up like a Christmas tree when he came backstage, a sweaty smile on his own face as he hugged you tight. “That was amazing!” you beamed.

“That!” He pointed a finger towards that stage. “That I’ve missed!”

“This!” You grabbed his face in your hands. “This is the Ash I’ve missed.”

“I was trying to tell you something before I went on. Something I’ve been trying to tell you for a while now actually.”

“Oh?” 

“Yeah… I, um… Fuck, I dunno why this is so hard for me. But I wanted to say thanks. I know I haven’t been the easiest person to love lately. I know I’ve been more moody than usual under covid, and I know I’ve taken a lot of my frustration out on you.”

“Ash-”

He held up a finger, cutting you off. “Lemme finish. I- I know I hit some of the lowest lows I’ve hit in a long time because of covid. And I know this shit’s far from over, and there’s probably going to be more rough moments as we get back into the swing of things after so long. But thank you, okay? I dunno what I would’ve done without you.”

“Ash-”

“Hold on. There’s one last thing. When we go on tour, I want you to come with us. If you can, of course. I just… I’d rather not miss you if I don’t have to. I- I need you. In a way I never thought I’d need someone. And for reasons I don’t think I’ll ever understand. But I need you.”

“Can I talk now?”

“Yeah.”

“For as much as covid has sucked, it gave us a lot of time to be together. A lot of time we didn’t have before.”

“You told me that already.”

“Shush. It’s my turn. We’ve seen the best and the worst of each other. And for all the times we could have given up, we didn’t. Every unlovable moment, we just loved each other harder. And for a while I wondered why that was. And it’s like you said. For whatever reason, I need you the same way you need me. And getting to see you get back to being this happy again… I wanna keep seeing it. And I wanna keep seeing it in ways that don’t keep us apart. So… I was talking with my boss, and with the band, and your team. And this was supposed to be a surprise but…”

“You’re coming on tour?” he interrupted, voice full of hope.

“I’m coming on tour,” you grinned.

__

Tag List

@aquarius-hood1996​ @creator-appreciator​ @philthepegacorn​ @myfavfanficsever​ @cxddlyash​ @youngblood199456​ @stormrider505​ @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof​ @hoodhoran​ @metalandboybands​ @maybeememez​ @kaitieskidmore1​ @binxiboo​

[argylemikewheeler]

just a little idea/vision i had while skating on my front porch listening to Aerosmith’s Dude Looks Like A Lady....

It was only right that Steve would drive Dustin and Lucas in to their first day back at school-- and drive Robin in for her senior year. Lucas said Max was going to skate in, naturally, but neither of them had heard from Mike all summer. They assumed he’d come; there was no way Mrs. Wheeler would let him miss or skip.

“Everyone got everything? Need any money for lunch?” Steve asked, turning in his seat. “I’ve got Hawkins Video money now, I can spot you.”

“We’re fine, Steve.” Lucas said. He opened the door and scanned the parking lot for any other familiar faces. Robin was already out of the car, leaning on the opened passenger window. Dustin was fixing his hair and hat one last time.

“Thanks for the ride, Steve.”

“Anytime, buddy-- Hey, there’s Max.” Steve pointed through his dashboard at the girl skating-- zooming-- down the street toward the front entrance. “Better catch her.”

“Damn she goes fast, huh?” Robin muttered, pulling back to watch her. “Oh, looks like she’s got competition.”

At the mouth of the street was another skater-- roller skater-- weaving their way through the crowd of cars and walking students. Their hair was shagged and whipping in the air as they ducked around an opening car door, almost looking (to Steve) meant to hit them. Regardless, the skater missed the collision, hips popping out to the side and entire body bowing away from the door. At the school, Max had stopped and kicked up her board, waiting.

“Didn’t know you guys got another friend.” Steve said with a shrug. Since when; he thought he was on the pulse with the Party. “Who is she?”

“Uh, Steve?” Robin muttered, reaching in the car and pushing his head closer to the windshield. “Try that again.”

“Robin, what are you-- Hey! Stop it.” Steve yanked her hand away before staring at her. She was still looking ahead at Max and her friend. Both Dustin and Lucas were stopped too, squinting and leaning forward on the car doors. “What are you guys gawking at--”

With a second look, the roller skater became less of a flitting figure and more of a person. Their shaggy hair looked more curled than blown dry, their hunched shoulders were from the poor posture of a timid tall body, their clothes were new and still creased from the drawer (or the floor), and their skates were baby pink-- a pair Steve had seen under the bed of one Nancy Wheeler--

“Holy shit.” Steve leaned closer and nearly leaned on the car horn. “Is that Mike?”

---

Mike had been practicing all summer. After July 4th, he started having trouble sleeping and started using the quiet cul-de-sac as a skating rink at night, slipping into bed before his mother-- or god forbid his father-- saw him doing laps.

It had nothing to do with the Byers moving away, okay? It had nothing to do with that and Mike hated whenever his mother would sit him down with that soft and patronizing tone of voice and ask if he missed anyone and felt really sad about it-- so sad he felt angry. No, the anger just came from hearing Troy calling him Michelle Wheeler as he raced to the front door, Max waiting for him.

“Nice hair, lady!”

“Shove it, shitface.” Mike said flatly, flipping the voice off. He looked good. He knew he did. He had been growing his hair out for months-- half the year-- and decided to cut it himself based off of some magazines Nancy left in her desk. If only here was a certain someone around to truly appreciate--

"You said you wanted an entrance.” Max said, leaning on her skateboard. Mike turned and skidded on his stoppers just in front of her. “Don’t think it gets much better than that. Showoff.”

“We’ll see.” Mike said, pushing his bang out of his face. From his revealed vision he saw someone storming up to him. He swerved on his skates, ducking under the arms that swung out to grab him--

“Hey, Dingus! It’s called a hug.”

“Oh, Robin. Hi.” Mike righted himself and popped one skate forward onto the stopper. He stood still as she wrapped an arm around his and Max’s shoulders.

“See, now I always knew you two were the coolest of the group.” She smiled. “You guys look fucking awesome.”

“Thanks, Robin.” Max leaned into her side and grabbed the wrist hanging over her shoulder. “I told Mike it was a good look.”

“What do the parent Wheelers think of all this?” Robin gently tousled Mike’s shag.

Nothing good. They think I’ve lost my mind, become a rebellious good for nothing. Think I’m going to flunk out and become a nothing. Tell me daily to get a fucking haircut and stop looking like a-- “They think I’m doing drugs.”

“Are you?”

“No.” Mike said, looking at Robin with furrowed eyebrows. “It’s just a haircut.”

“And a new attitude. I heard you tell that guy off.”

“Yeah, well. He had that coming.”

Mike shrugged but there was a chance Robin was right. Just a chance. He didn’t think he was purposefully changing his attitude with his haircut, but maybe there was already a change in place that the outside was catching up to. He just felt more comfortable with long hair-- the obscuring of his face, of where he was looking. He liked being avoided, of being looked at but only for the purpose of looking away. Mike wanted nothing more than to be ignored. He just wanted this year to be over. He wanted summer back, and all the friends that came with it.

“We better get inside. I still have to take these off and put my shoes on.” Mike said, pushing off and away from Robin and Max. “See you later.”

“I-- Okay! Don’t be a stranger! Have a good first day!”

How was that even possible? He was missing his friends-- his best friend-- on the first day of high school. It wasn’t fair. It was bullshit, it was all bullshit. And Mike was going to be the first to let everyone know.

[to be continued I’m sure]

[arianajbb]

FIC RECS - 5

💕 rewards by @malfoysstilinski

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💕 hogwarts express by @malfoysstilinski

Draco fucks Y/N to prove a point to Harry who he knows is hiding in the storage compartment above, watching the whole thing.

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💕 phosphenes by @minty-malfoy

draco finally figures out all the mistakes he’s made to you, harry is determined not to repeat them

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💕 What in Carnation? by @i-am-a-closet-fanfic-fiend

The swim team is holding a flowergram fundraiser for Valentine’s day, and you have a secret admirer.

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💕 please don’t take him (even though you can). by @nsfwsebbie

She can have anyone she wants, but you can never love again. Not without him.

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💕 his own doing by @fuckingdraco

after draco breaks your heart, a new romance blooms.

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💕 x by @dadplease

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💕 x by @malfoysstilinski

riding draco’s thigh in the common room.

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💕 Interrogation by @lovinglokilaufeyson

After joining Umbridge’s Inquisitorial Squad, Draco goes to extreme measures to find out more about Dumbledore’s Army. Specifically, through you.

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💕 three’s a crowd by @malfoysstilinski

draco and y/n fuck in the common room and when blaise interrupts, draco can’t find it in himself to stop.

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💕  Strange Courting Rituals of Reformed Hydra Assassins by @river-soul

Bucky leaves encouraging notes and presents for the depressed reader to brighten her day except everything is written in his creepy serial killer handwriting. Her coworkers are alarmed by the notes like girl this is straight out of a criminal minds episode but Reader thinks it’s sweet.

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💕 linger by @buckysbeloved

in which Draco Malfoy wants to be cared for and you want to care for him- yet you only speak through lingering touches and fleeting glances.

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💕 The Wedding Date by @river-soul

Reader needs a wedding date to scare off her persistent ex-boyfriend and wants Natasha to come with her. Natasha has another suggestion in mind.

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💕 Forever by @donutloverxo

You've been in a secret relationship with Steve for two years. What happens when he tells you he wants to be with you forever?

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💕 When I Find You, I'll Find Me by @river-soul

After a 4th of July party at your friend’s house unearths some insecurities on Bucky’s part he suggests you’d be better off without him. You show him just how wrong he is. 

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💕 3am by @honeysucklesteve

he won’t ever say i love you, but he’ll always fuck you until you can’t stand.

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💕 If You Go Down To The Woods Tonight by @badassbuchanan

late night patrols and lonely ladies

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💕 Play Dirty by @jurassicbarnes

(Office AU) In which Steve plays dirty in order to make you work late and later you have to play dirty to get Steve to confess his feelings for you.

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💕 Dial Tone by @darkficsyouneveraskedfor

Reader is a phone sex worker who gets a new caller.

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💕 Serpentine by @cherienymphe

One night of passion ruins your life forever.

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💕  red, white, blue’s in the sky, summer’s in the air, baby heaven’s in your eyes by @cloudystevie

sunday’s are for football games and attention

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💕 The Perfect Fit by @amandaoftherosemire

Steve Rogers always seems to be wearing shirts that are way too tight for your peace of mind. One day you get the whole story.

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💕  Bulletproof Epilogue by @amandaoftherosemire

You, Steve Rogers, and Bucky Barnes have been the best of friends since middle school. On top of that, you’ve been in love with Bucky pretty much the whole time. Everything changed after the three of you got to college, however. Over the past couple of years you and Steve have become even closer but things between you and Bucky have been strained since the night he broke your heart. Can anything bring you back together?

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💕  x by @mypoisonedvine

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💕 x by @mxchellesworld

blurb on hate sex with bucky and he’s just really rough and degrading

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💕 relentless by @cap-n-stuff

Bucky had enough of your shameless flirting and was going to show you just how much you were his and his alone.

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💕 A Fresh Start by @angrythingstarlight

Andy has his perfect family with you, and now he wants more. Whether you want it or not. Andy knows what’s best, he always does.

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💕 Know It All by @moonbeambucky

Your grades and patience are tested when you’re paired together for a class project with the one person you cannot stand, Bucky Barnes.  

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💕 I Can’t Swim by @revengingbarnes

The reader pretends to drown to grab the attention of the hot lifeguard who looks after the beach. Lies don’t last long though, and eventually it backfires.

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💕 Captain Jealousy by @nony-bear

You and Steve have been keeping your relationship a secret to avoid public backlash for your age difference. However, after watching Steve flirt with a new agent at one of Tony Stark’s famous parties, your jealousy and frustration come to a head.

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💕 Taking Care Of Needs by @badassbuchanan

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💕 A Christmas Compromise by @stargazingfangirl18

Even if you wouldn’t admit it to yourself, all you wanted for Christmas was Ransom.

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💕 Never Leave You Standing Part 1 Part 2 by @thebookwormslytherin

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💕 Love Theoretically

  Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 10(Epilogue) <-- (my favourite chapters)

by @mypoisonedvine

having lost your husband, sister, and best friend all to the same extramarital affair, you ran away to a secluded villa in the Hungarian countryside to write and get a little time away from the life you’d left behind.  you were only looking for peace and perhaps some inspiration for your novel, but instead you found an unlikely connection with the immigrant repairman– even though the two of you don’t speak the same language.

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💕 Catfish Part 6 by @vampy-doll

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💕 x by @mypoisonedvine

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💕 x by @thewritingdoll

Bucky and dirty talk

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💕 x by @mypoisonedvine

dark!reader x steve rogers high school AU , where R is rich spoil brat & she always had a crush on steve but she always bully him by calling him skinny and all and Then yrs later, time changes her family discarded her from will and she becomes poor and need job, got hired for PA by dark ceo!steve rogers who she bullied her all school life

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💕 Just Falling by @indyluckycharlie

A one shot set in 1936. You’re attending art school in New York, and you became fast friends with your classmate Steve. His best friend Bucky though? It took you a little longer to warm up to him given his reputation as a ladies’ man. But now, you’re happy to call him a friend. But nothing more, right?

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💕 Golden Hour Daydream by @indyluckycharlie

Set sometime in the 1930s. Just a late afternoon date with your favorite fella.

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💕 The Girl In The Diner by @tinymalscoffee

He was just too naive to see how naughty she really was.

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💕 attention by @golden-parker

Bucky has been too busy to give you the attention you’re craving, so you take matters into your own hands.

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💕 Beg for Daddy by @sweeterthanthis

The thought of your mother passed out next door, the other side of your bedroom wall, did nothing to quell the intense hunger you felt for him.

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💕 Take a break by @badassbuchanan

all work and no play makes Y/N a whiny little brat

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💕 heavy is the head by @luciilferss

As the princess of the great lands west of the Indigo Sea, you were born with a burning loyalty to protect and serve your people. From war, from famine – from the rebels that terrorize your land. But when an ambush from said insurgents sees you kidnapped, you’re suddenly torn between service to your country and duty to your family – and, maybe, that odd little feeling that’s evoked by the terrifying men the rebels call Captain.

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💕 here, kitty kitty by @nsfwsebbie

Your sugar daddy wants his wildest dreams to come to life. You, on the other hand, aren’t really into it.

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💕 Angel Baby by @brooklyns-boys

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💕 on my tongue by @moteldwelling

‎‎your next door neighbor was going to be the death of you. tall, dark, and ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎handsome - it doesn’t even seem to matter ‎that he’s your dad’s best friend.

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💕 Whatever It Takes by @wienerbarnes

The Avengers recruit you, a medical genius of sorts, to help solve the case of an agent who is dying from an unknown illness. You seem to catch Bucky Barnes’ attention.

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💕 Hey Neighbour by @moonbeambucky

You had a plan and then life came along with one of its own. With your future almost derailed you worked hard to get yourself back on track and finally everything seemed to be going right… that is, until your new neighbor moved in.

[blxxdyvalentine19xx]

Who The Fuck Is Jessica?

Blackbear x jxdn

Song: Angels & Demons (acoustic) - jxdn                          

Coming down off the high of his first real solo festival gig; Jaden looked up when he felt a hand in his hair. His eyes taking in the fact that the hand belonged to Matthew. "H-hi" they weren't really out to their friends so the man even being here spelled out danger in his nerves. "H-ow... you said you couldn't..." Jaden struggled to form a decent conversation and swallowed as Matthew knelt down so they were at the same level.

"Hey" he smiled hearing Jaden pick up a nervous stutter. "Colson insisted I come" saying it made it obvious that Matthew now needed to explain a few things. "We have to talk like now" he never intended on catching real feelings for the punk but fell hard the last few months. "Kells found out about u..." Matthew hesitated and looked up to see Colson watching them from across the room.

"Co-" Jaden's head snapped around to the rapper across the room. "Found what out exactly?" He asked, the idea of someone knowing he'd been hooking up with another man terrified him. He wasn't out. "Like fuck we need to talk that's serious!"

Matthew bit back a sigh and shook his head as a wide eyed Jaden looked back to him again. "It's a lot but he's the only one that knows as far as I know." A part of him felt sorry for the situation taking the turn it was currently in and seeing the boy in a state of frozen panic did something.

💚💚💚

He shook his hands out before placing them on the back of his head; his jaw set and his body tense as Matthew looked at him from the hotel room couch. "How the fuck did Kells find out we've been hooking up?" Jaden turned almost on a dime and looked at the singer. "Matth..." he needed the man to say something, anything to explain what happened.

"I don't have an answer" Matthew didn't have an answer for the man "fuck, jaden, I just don't " he didn't have the words he knew Jaden desperately wanted to hear from him.

Jaden looked at the man as he shut his eyes, taking a slow breath. "Well he found out somehow so which one of us fucked up?"

He looked up, settling his attention on Jaden. "I only ever mentioned it once but your name came up" Matthew leaned forward, elbows at rest on his knees.

Dropping himself onto the bed, he looked up at the ceiling. "What exactly did you say?" Jaden knew it was common place in EST to talk about hooks ups.

Matthew was about to speak when the door opened to Colson on the other side of it. "Oh so now you show up, say your piece then." He sighed and tipped his head back, tension filled the room.

Colson looked at his two friends and ran a hand through his blonde locks, the ghost of Rook's fingers lingering as the drummer had been playing with it before. "Look..." he hit his lips and cleared his throat.

Jaden lifted his head; looking at the rapper as he set himself on the edge of the bed. "By all means, speak, I wanna hear what the fuck happened" he almost spat the words as he was on edge.

Looking at bear; Colson shook his head and sighed. "I sort of put the pieces together when Travis said you two had been hanging around the studio together, then Angels and Demons went gold and text from you popped up on bears phone."

He looked up as the revelation that Travis let it slip. "Ohh" Matthew hadn't thought that one through as they'd been all over one another one time when Travis had walked in. "Shit"

Realizing where they'd fucked up; Jaden looked from Kells to Matthew and sighed. "And me recording with my shirt off didn't help, Travis would have pieced it together that the hickeys were from matty." He sighed; running his hands over his face.

Matthew blushed at the nickname and looked to Jaden. "So we both messed up then" he mumbled before looking at Colson again.

Raising an eyebrow, Colson looked at Jaden as the man called bear "Matty?" He gave the singer major side eye and crossed his legs. "Okay, spill" Colson needed the story and wanted to know where the two were headed. "And who the fuck is Jessica?"

Jaden dropped his head and groaned as Colson brought up 'Jessica'. "Fuck" he got off the bed and went over to the couch. "So... 'jessica" he air quoted "is me" Jaden was impressed that as close as the name was it was a good cover. "I only figured that one out when you mentioned in detail something bear had told you and he was talking about me"

He grinned as Jaden confessed he'd found out that Jessica was in fact himself. "I was surprised you didn't figure it out then Kells."

Listening to Jaden's confession; Colson was red faced as he realized bear had been gloating about getting mind blowing head, and realizing it was Jaden he was taking about. "Ohh my god! You've..." he paled and got up realizing how oblivious he'd been to what his friends were up to. "I'm gonna head out, you two don't seem like a bad idea"

💚💚💚 minutes later

Looking at Mqtthew; Jaden raised an eyebrow and tried not to laugh "you called me Jessica?" He grinned as the man looked at him from the floor. "You know he'll tease us about that if we ever tell the guys."

He smiled as Jaden ended up lauging about it "I couldn't just say I was fucking a guy or that I was you" Matthew grinned they talked about it. "Honest truth though, I feel in love with you somewhere between new years and July 4th" he spoke it out loud and shifted as Jaden came to sit in front of him."

"Eight months and you never said anything" he whispered when Matthew spoke the 'Love' word. "I didn't think I could say that I love you because you never let on that It wasn't just sex anymore." Jaden took Matthew's hands in his and let his breath catch as he let himself feel something for Matthew for once.

"Eight months you kept coming back, I kept getting addicted" Matthew had often found himself craving the feel of Jaden's hands on him as they were whenever the man was with him. "I kept saying it was onlt sex but I was falling for you" he started to get up and pulled Jaden with him. "I need you around at this point, I hooked on you"

Jaden dreaded the leaving more everytime they would hook up to the point that he'd spend the next day holed up wishing it was just them. "As long as we aren't just a hook up anymore, I hate the leaving" he spoke as he walked the toward the bed. "I do have feelings you know?" He teased as Matthew's arms came around his waist.

"You never did like the leaving" he pulled Jaden in; kissing him softly as the man teased. "So I've figured out today" Matthew pulled Jaden down with him when the back of his knees hit the edge of the bed. "You mad is a look though" he filed it away that pushing Jaden off may not be the best idea.

"I fucking hated it" Jaden grinned as he was rolled over so he was below Matthew. "Tried to make it last becuase I knew it could be a while when we got busy with stuff."

💚💚💚

Matthew's fingers wrapped around Jaden's hips as the man's back arched; he bit his lip when Jaden rolled forward on his dick. "Godd" he mumbled out when a broken moan fell from Jaden.

Arching forward; jaden gripped the headboard keeping himself up as Matthew's dick hit his prostate sending a shock of pleasure through him. "Matty" he whined as fingers gripped at his his thighs guiding him at Matthew's desire.

Rolling Jaden's hips; he arched up into the man holding him in place. "Fuck I missed you calling me that." Matthew watched as Jaden's hole was pulled tight around him. "Shit, look at you" he moaned when Jaden leaned backwards changing the angle.

[everywhereallofthetime]

Some Girl ... Part 12

Word Count: 2.3k

Warnings: None.

// * // * //

Sunday / July 25th

After talking before bed the night before, Charlotte and Shawn agreed that he would ride with her, Jonah, and Mackenzie to Elisa and Jack’s. It didn’t make sense for them to take two vehicles to the same place. Shawn said he’d walk over and grab coffee on the way. Make a good first impression, he had chuckled, although Charlotte could hear the truth within his words.

Shawn arriving early would give him, Jonah, and Mackenzie a chance to meet and get to know one another a little before they joined everyone else. They would talk over coffee and after Sebastian woke from his morning nap and nursed, they would leave for brunch.

Charlotte nearly swooned when she opened the door for Shawn.

His skin was bronzed and glowing, having spent so much time outside over the past week. His hair had lightened a shade as well, and whatever products he had put in it that morning had his curls and waves behaving beautifully.

He was wearing white jean shorts with a brown belt, a trim-fit, navy blue button-down with the first few buttons undone and the sleeves rolled up, and brown Vans with blue accents.

“Good morning, babe,” she beamed. She hated how only one day away from him had suddenly become too long.

“Good morning,” he grinned back, wrapping the arm of his free hand around her and snuggling her tightly to him. He breathed her in. It had been only one day but he had deeply missed the soft scent of her.

When they eased out of their hug, Charlotte ran the open placket of Shawn’s shirt between her thumb and forefinger. “You look so handsome,” she smiled. “I love you in blue.”

“Thank you, darling. You are as beautiful as always.”

Charlotte was wearing a white, short-sleeve, off the shoulder blouse and white and navy blue striped shorts. She noticed that her outfit complimented his perfectly.

“Are you ready to meet my brother and his fiancée?”

“I hope so,” he chuckled.

She linked her hand with his which wasn’t carrying their coffee and together they walked further into the condo. Jonah and Mackenzie had been sitting at the kitchen island but stood when Charlotte and Shawn entered the room.

Before any introductions could be made, Mackenzie breathed, “Oh my God, you two are adorable.”

“I swear, we did not discuss what we were going to wear today,” Charlotte laughed.

“It’s perfect,” Mackenzie giggled, “I love it.”

Charlotte introduced Shawn to Jonah and Mackenzie.

Jonah gave Shawn a once-over when they shook hands. He was tall, fit, and clean-cut, with a strong jawline and five visible tattoos. He was very attractive. Any man secure enough in who they were could admit when another man was attractive.

Mackenzie, on the other hand, gave Shawn a thorough head to toe.

Charlotte was used to women reacting favorably to Shawn, and she also knew it was something that was always going to happen with him being who he was. Even if the person didn’t know who he was, aside from being a global popstar, he was simply an incredibly attractive man. In any case, Charlotte had no true claim on Shawn. Besides, Mackenzie was happily engaged to Jonah; Charlotte knew she meant no harm or disrespect.

They all sat together at the dining room table with their coffees. Charlotte took a sip of Shawn’s coffee and instead of giving it back to him, she handed him hers.

“Babe,” he chuckled.

“Yours is better.”

“It also has a lot more caffeine,” he tittered.

She took a couple of additional sips and then, somewhat reluctantly, handed it back to him, reclaiming her own.

Charlotte looked at Jonah and Mackenzie’s amused expressions, and explained, “Too much caffeine isn’t good for Bash.”

“I started reading What to Expect: the First Year after I met Charlotte and Bash for the first time,” Shawn admitted, blushing.

“What? I didn’t know that,” Charlotte breathed, astonished. Shawn shrugged nonchalantly. “Why are you so fucking cute?” she smirked, briefly cupping his face, stroking the pad of her thumb along his cheekbone.

Jonah didn’t say so out loud, but that was something truly admirable. Not many male friends of a single mother would bother to take the time to do that. Hell, not many boyfriends would.

“How old are you, Shawn?” Jonah wondered. Shawn was already proving himself to be quite mature, but he still looked relatively young.

“I’ll be 23 in two weeks.”

“August 8th,” Charlotte offered.

“Leo,” Mackenzie tacked on. “And Charlie, you’re an Aquarius?” she asked. “February?”

“The 4th,” Shawn said, with a nod.

Mackenzie simply smiled in an all-knowing sort of way.

“Are you originally from Toronto?” Jonah asked Shawn.

“Born and raised in Pickering. Graduated from Pine Ridge.”

“I have a buddy who went to Pine Ridge. Played varsity hockey.”

“I played hockey. And soccer and basketball, too. I was in drama and the glee club. I also did Leadership Camp every year except my last.”

“Did you go to college?” Mackenzie asked.

“No. I was too busy touring…”

Jonah looked confused. “Excuse me?”

Shawn looked at Charlotte. Jonah and Mackenzie noticed that an entire conversation seemed to pass between them without words.

“I don’t meet very many people who don’t already know who I am,” Shawn said.

“Should we know who you are?” Mackenzie asked.

“Not necessarily. Not by sight anyway. Maybe not at all. You may know some of my music.”

At that moment they all heard Sebastian through the baby monitor. It wasn’t the ideal time for him to have woken up.

Charlotte frowned. “I would say, hold that thought, but...”

“It’s all right. Go,” Shawn smiled reassuringly.

She stood from the table and ran her fingers through the little curls at the nape of his neck. “May as well get it out of the way, babe.” Just before Charlotte entered the nursery, she said, “Alexa, play Shawn Mendes.”

// * // * //

The moment Charlotte returned after nursing, she heard Jonah ask, “Elisa and Jack, and everyone, you’ve met them already? We’re not springing any surprises on them?”

“He met them last weekend,” Charlotte answered.

“Hi buddy!” Shawn beamed at Sebastian.

Sebastian was already reaching for Shawn when Charlotte handed him over. “All except Valerie. And she is very excited to meet him today.”

Jonah could easily see that Shawn and Sebastian had already bonded, and he really liked that Shawn was thoughtful, sweet to, and respectful of his sister. They made a good match, even if they weren’t officially together in any capacity more than friendship.

“How did it go?” Charlotte asked, looking from Shawn to Jonah and Mackenzie. “You’re cool?” she said to her brother and his fiancée.

“We’re cool,” Mackenzie smiled.

“I always expect everyone to immediately recognize him.” Charlotte turned to Mackenzie, “I was anticipating having to have a conversation with you yesterday when you saw the picture of us on the console table.”

“What picture?” Shawn asked.

Charlotte retrieved the photo and brought it back to Shawn.

“Aw babe, I want a copy of this.” Sebastian tried to grasp the frame and bring it to his mouth. “Really, little man? Everything has to go straight into your mouth, eh?”

“I thought you might,” she smiled and pulled from her pocket the coolest flash drive keychain he had ever seen. “All of the photos from the zoo are on it. You can keep whichever ones you want and delete the rest.”

“This is amazing. Thank you, darling,” he said, grinning brightly, wrapping an arm around her waist.

“Should we get going then?”

// * // * //

Charlotte’s family was ecstatic when she and Shawn, with Sebastian in his arms, arrived at brunch with Jonah and Mackenzie.

As Jonah was swept up in hugs and excited chatter, Shawn whispered encouragingly to Mackenzie, “Try not to feel overwhelmed. You’re marrying into an incredible family.”

Mackenzie squeezed Shawn’s forearm. “Thank you, Shawn.”

Jonah introduced Mackenzie, who was eagerly and enthusiastically welcomed.

Everyone was happy to see Shawn as well. They adored him almost as much as Charlotte did, which settled warmly in her chest.

The only one who hadn’t met Shawn yet was Valerie, and with the tiniest nod from Charlotte in her direction, she finally approached, greeting her cousin with a bright smile and a hug.

Charlotte squeezed her back, quick and tight. “I’m happy you’re here.” She then took Sebastian from Shawn and introduced him to Valerie.

She and Shawn could both see how excited Valerie was to meet him, but she did an admirable job keeping her composure, which was good. She needed to get used to Shawn being around.

Elisa swept by and snatched Sebastian from Charlotte’s arms and yelled over her shoulder at the trio, “Go eat!”

// * // * //

Once stomachs were full and minds were mimosa-relaxed, and when Jonah had the chance to step away from the whirlwind of aunts, uncles, and cousins, first making sure Mackenzie felt comfortable enough for him to do so, he went looking for Shawn.

He found him with his sister, of course; they were practically joined at the hip after all. They were cleaning up the kitchen, laughing so hard about God knows what that they were wheezing.

“So this is where the real party is. Clean up. Who knew?” Once Shawn and Charlotte had a chance to catch their breath, Jonah asked, “Do you play pool, Shawn?”

Charlotte gave Shawn a look that said, I warned you this might happen.

Shawn just smirked at Charlotte before turning to Jonah to say, “I’m better at ping pong than pool, but sure.”

“Great.” He then said to Charlotte, “I’ll get him back to you before you know it.” She softly bit her bottom lip and blushed.

The two young men headed downstairs to the rec room.

After the break and when they had each had one turn, Shawn said, “Charlotte told me you would want to talk, man to man.”

“No pretext then, eh?”

“What are my intentions with your sister?”

“We’ll get there,” Jonah chuckled. “How long have you and Charlie known each other?”

“Not long. Less than anyone might expect. We’ve never been outright asked and we’ve always sort of skirted around the specifics.”

“Why?”

Shawn nervously ran his hand though his hair. “Because it’s kind of ridiculous and we’re afraid we’ll be judged for it.”

Jonah was both curious and apprehensive. He waited until after Shawn took his next shot, sinking one ball, but not the next. He was hoping Shawn would offer more on his own, which he did as Jonah took his turn.

“I don’t know how you felt when you met Mackenzie for the first time, but Charlotte and I... It was immediate, the connection we made. She was heaven-sent when I needed someone the most.”

“And when was that? I’m asking outright.”

Shawn’s cheeks reddened. “A week ago.”

“Wait. Hold on.”

Shawn looked at Jonah in a way which said, now you know why we skirt around it.

“Okay. Reserving my judgement. Go on.”

Shawn continued, telling Jonah about where, when, and how he met Charlotte, and how their lives have intertwined since then. He took a deep breath before saying, “You know how you hear about ‘love at first sight’ and ‘when you know, you know?’ It’s like that with us. I mean, not exactly. We’re not in love,” he blushed. “But there’s deep affection and appreciation between us. She’s the most honest and accepting person I know. She’s sweet, and she’s kind, and I know I can place my faith and trust in her.”

“Forgive me for asking, but I have to. I have to watch out for my sister. I’m sure you understand, having a younger sister yourself... You’re not looking for a rebound or taking advantage of her in any way, are you?”

“Wow. Blunt. But I appreciate that. If you know Charlotte at all, she doesn’t let anyone take advantage of her... And with who I am, I have to be careful that I’m not the one being taken advantage of.”

“I didn’t even consider that,” Jonah said, thoughtfully.

“Regardless, no. I care about her too much. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt her.”

“Has Charlie told you much about Booker?”

“I know that she loved him, and she said he was good to her when he was around, but she also used the words 'complicated', 'reckless', and 'dangerous'. I haven’t pressed her for more. We don't really talk about our exes.

“She hasn’t asked me about my ex aside from wondering how I’m doing. I know Charlotte would tell me about Booker if I asked, but I would rather have her offer to tell me when she feels ready to. It doesn’t seem to matter much though because, as far as I understand, he hasn’t even tried to reach out since she left him. Which is a dick move, by the way. If I had a son, I’d do anything to be in his life; never mind what kind of relationship I had with his mother.

“We’ll have those conversations when we’re ready, or when we need to.” Shawn then said, “She misses you a lot, you know. You should really make an effort to come back to Toronto more often. And Bash is going to grow up so fast. You don’t want to miss that.”

“I like your integrity,” Jonah said. “And I like you. I like you for Charlie.”

“We’re-”

“Just friends, I know. Still. You care for her. She cares for you. I like how you treat her and my nephew. I see how you watch out for them. I hope you’re in their lives for a long time, whether you stay only friends or someday it turns into something more.”

// * // * //

Part 13

[toshootforthestars]

From the report by Beth Mole, posted 19 July 2021:

Fully vaccinated people are largely protected from delta; the current vaccines are still highly effective against developing COVID-19 from delta and other variants of concern. Though a small proportion of people can develop so-called “breakthrough infections,” those infections will mostly be asymptomatic or mild. But, unvaccinated people are completely vulnerable. Moreover, those who have received only one dose of a two-dose vaccine or have only recovered from COVID-19 are not much better off than those who are completely unvaccinated.

But according to new polling data from CBS News, a new wave of vaccinations seems unlikely. Among unvaccinated and partly vaccinated people, only 48% said they are concerned about delta. Among fully vaccinated people, 72% reported being concerned about the variant.

Despite the fact that the current COVID-19 vaccines have proven highly effective and safe, 53% of those who are unvaccinated or partly vaccinated said in the poll that they are concerned about side effects. 50% of the group cited a lack of trust in the government as a reason not to get vaccinated. And 45% said they don’t trust the science. All of these percentages are higher than they have been in earlier polls, indicating that these anti-vaccine sentiments are hardening among the unvaccinated.

Some unvaccinated people who may be more persuadable have said they are waiting for the vaccines to receive full approval from the Food and Drug Administration (currently, they are authorized by the FDA under an emergency use authorization). On Friday, Pfizer and BioNTech said that the FDA had granted them a Priority Review designation for their mRNA vaccine, but they didn’t expect a decision on full approval until January 2022. Currently, vaccine providers are administering only around 520,000 COVID-19 vaccine per day, down from a record of 4.6 million in a day in April.

With over 161 million people vaccinated, only 48.6% of the US population is fully vaccinated.

See also: How much COVID misinformation is on Facebook? Its execs don’t want to know

For years, misinformation has flourished on Facebook. Falsehoods, misrepresentations, and outright lies posted on the site have shaped the discourse on everything from national politics to public health. But despite their role in facilitating communications for billions of people, Facebook executives refused to commit resources to understand the extent to which COVID-19-related misinformation pervaded its platform, according to a report in The New York Times.

Early in the pandemic, a group of data scientists at Facebook met with executives to propose a project that would determine how many users saw misleading or false information about COVID. It wasn’t a small task—they estimated that the process could take up to a year or more to complete—but it would give the company a solid understanding of the extent to which misinformation spread on its platform.

The executives listened to the data scientists’ pitch and then reportedly ghosted them.

The data team’s proposal wasn’t approved, and they were never given an explanation for why it was silently dropped.

The revelations come as Facebook has drawn fire from the White House for its role in the spread of misinformation about COVID-19 and the vaccines that prevent it. “They’re killing people,” President Joe Biden said about the role of social networks in the spread of misinformation. “Look, the only pandemic we have is among the unvaccinated. They’re killing people.”

Biden later walked back his comments slightly, but they revealed the administration’s frustration with social media platforms—and with Facebook in particular—over their response to the pandemic.

For weeks, the White House pressed Facebook for details on how the company is combating COVID vaccine misinformation. The social network offered some details but gave unsatisfying answers to other requests.

Facebook’s unwillingness or inability to understand the scope of COVID misinformation on its platform was apparent in comments it gave to The New York Times, in which it blamed its nescience on the lack of a “standard definition” for pandemic-related misinformation. “The suggestion we haven’t put resources toward combating COVID misinformation and supporting the vaccine rollout is just not supported by the facts,” said Dani Lever, a Facebook spokeswoman.

“With no standard definition for vaccine misinformation, and with both false and even true content (often shared by mainstream media outlets) potentially discouraging vaccine acceptance, we focus on the outcomes—measuring whether people who use Facebook are accepting of COVID-19 vaccines.”

For researchers who study misinformation, that explanation isn’t sufficient. “They need to open up the black box that is their content ranking and content amplification architecture,“ Imran Ahmed, chief executive of the Center for Countering Digital Hate, told The New York Times. “Take that black box and open it up for audit by independent researchers and government. We don’t know how many Americans have been infected with misinformation.”

Me: 

This situation is extremely bad!

First off, the individuals that aren’t getting vaccinated just do not care to. They’ve bought hook line and sinker into all the disinfo and misinfo on facebook, instagram, youtube, tiktok, reddit, and/or whatever 8chan replacement one choosed. What they see and read reinforces their pre-conceived (and factually incorrect) views that “experts” “really don’t know shit about anything” and thusly are “blowing things way the fuck outta proportion,” etc. Their views are both informed by, and reinforced by:

what they read and see online

what they hear on FM/AM radio

what they watch on broadcast TV

what their friends and communities consume from media

what the prevailing societal and political attitudes in one’s community are

“rugged individualism” and the post-1980 erosion of the social contract

So, if your fb friends are covid truthers, if the on-air personalities you hear on the radio at work are covid truthers, if your neighbors and friends at werk are covid truthers, if the elected leaders are covid truthers, if the snippets of Fox News you get to see randomly are pushing covid truther disinfo, and if those in your inner circle at that 4th of July party you went to are covid truthers, then you yourself, at a minimum from peer pressure, will dismiss the recommendations of the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Medical Association, scores of hospital operators, plus countless professionals in medicine and epidemiology in your decision not to get vaccinated, nor to mask up indoors in public even when “recommended”.

“I have rights. I know what’s really going on. I’ve got things figured out.”  Or, at a minimum, “I don’t give a fuck either way.” “Fuck you.”

Facebook absolutely is responsible for the covid truther disinfo and misinfo being shared on their platform.  I believe they are the largest vector of disinformation and misinformation to the public. So many people are chugging the “vaccines are a scam, masks don’t work and I have rights” kool-aid thanks to disinfo introduced and shared widely on facebook

Some other major vectors of disinfo: iHeartMedia - Premiere Networks - iHeartRadio, Entercom/Audacy, Westwood One, One America News, Fox News, Newsmax, Sinclair Broadcast Group, YouTube + Google, TikTok, and Reddit.

“I saw a video on YouTube where the military did a study…”  or “I heard a guy on the radio saying mask mandates are part of a plot…”  It's all bullshit!

At this point it cannot be anything but an active choice the leadership at these companies consciously make to pipe out total bullshit in a time of crisis. Content from all of the above easily makes its way to facebook, too, unrestricted!

The U.S continues to spiral into this post fact, post truth, anti-intellectual, anti-science neo-fascist hellscape where no lives matter and where mass death is AOK because “none of us get out of this world alive” or some asshat folksy quip that masks as wisdom.  Empathy, reasoning, established facts and observable reality have all become political statements… People hear what they want to hear.

IMO this is truly a disastrous situation with no easy way out.

Many, many people will not wear masks again.  Many, many people see the survival rate for coronavirus and they surmise wrongly that the risk for them of getting covid is worth it, that the risk for others isn’t remotely their concern, and that the entire situation is overblown. The social contract is in bad shape. Public confidence in the state is almost gone. Covid truthers are everywhere.

Getting a vaccine requires time off from work to travel to a mass vax site that’s still open, time off to recoup post-shot (if necessary), and overcoming fear that the anti-vax disinfo on social media was true after all. Plus overcoming peer pressure from unvaccinated friends and family.

Covid case numbers are likely undercounts. Test kits are still problematic. Persons with no health insurance have no PCP to call when they get sick. Underinsured persons may have to wait weeks for their approved PCP to get around to a telehealth call. Many people are getting sick and not getting tested and they’re not reporting anything to anyone. State officials, wanting to look good, may skew whatever data is reported to them.

COVID-19 is an airborne virus. Most people catch covid from contagious asymptomatic people. Coronavirus has always been a risk for children! Getting vaccinated is part of an overall good strategy to keep COVID-19 at bay. Masks work!!! If indoors, stay in a ventilated room if you’re with other people, and keep doors and windows open for air circulation. Coronavirus is producing extremely serious long-term cognitive and cardiovascular complications for many people who survive it. “Long covid” is real.

We don’t have to live with this! The political and business leadership in much of the United States today have collectively decided there’s nothing that can or should be done in regards to covid-19, no masking requirements, no easy supplies of N95 masks, and no mitigation efforts of any kind. They wrongly conclude that COVID-19, a new virus with so many unknowns, “isn’t that bad” and so the level of permanent damage or death resulting from covid is acceptable.

None of this is acceptable, the amount of permanent damage and death occurring from COVID-19 is far, far too high, and there’s no rational excuse whatsoever to allow this virus to spread across this country unchecked. There’s no reason to allow this virus to spread further. There’s no valid reason for me and anyone else to justify allowing covid to spread out of control.

[samtheflamingomain]

25.21%

I've been sober for 3 months today. 92 days. 25.21% of 2021.

I could've posted more updates, more milestones (it took a LOT not to post on Day 69) but I wanted to kind of save it up for a Big Day. It was also a decent way to continue to incentivize my continued sobriety: a full pass to do a shameless, hardcore bragging sesh.

Anyway, this post comes in 2 parts: the TL;DR for those who only want the gist, then more in depth on my ability to stay sober, the lasting effects of rehab, etc.

I tried my damnedest to pare this absolute novel down, but it's long, so feel free to dip out if you just get bored. Onward!

TL;DR: I went to rehab the beginning of July for 3 weeks and haven't had a drop of alcohol since. I've lost weight, I'm more healthy, my daily anxiety level went from 8 to 2, I haven't had an anxiety attack in 3 months, and everything generally just seems... easier. My memory and concentration have improved. I've been productive and I've been meditating every day. I'm saving money, and while I sometimes fantasize about getting drunk, that's usually all it is.

Honestly, it's been much easier than I expected, but I think a lot of that is because for the first 3 weeks, the time in which I would usually break down and start drinking again when trying to get sober myself, was spent behind a locked door. So far I haven't had any days where I was close to giving in. I haven't had many days where I've been depressed about it, missing it or really tempted. Maybe 3-4. I've basically just gotten on with my life as if alcohol doesn't exist.

To wrap up the short version for those ready to peace out, I'll leave it with a bit of advice.

I don't feel qualified to give any specific advice, because my story feels very unique to me, and I honestly don't think what worked for me will work for MOST people. Sometimes people spend a year in rehab and still drive straight to the liquor store on their way home.

That said, there's one thing that I've found pretty universally true: you have to really want it. For a while, I floated about without much of a "reason" to stay sober. I don't have a spouse, kids or a job I've been fired from, so I didn't see the point.

It's taken me a while, but after not being "convinced" by a few superficial "reasons" like weight loss and saving money, I thought I needed something more... permanent? Consequential? I now realize that my "reason" for getting sober at a young age after only a few years of alcoholism is that I don't want it to get to a point where I'm hurting other people, drinking myself into multiple lasting health problems... I don't want it to become permanent or consequential.

Anyway, that's my two cents. If you do have something like kids or trouble keeping a job, definitely use that as your reason. But for anyone who's a pretty "functional" alcoholic like I was, "not letting it go on long enough to become disfunctional" is a good enough reason.

This is going to get stupid long, so feel free to walk away now, just glad you read this much and it really does mean the world when people listen to what I have to say.

Now some more things in depth. I'll go in chronological order: what made me get sober, what I took from rehab (and what I left), and how it's been the past few months.

I started drinking when I got kicked out, manic out of my mind and homeless unable to sleep. It took a while until I was able to sleep without alcohol, but by then the addict brain had taken over. I'd tried a few times to get sober myself, but I never made it more than a week without, and always got back to daily drinking after a few months maximum.

Some people need a "wake up call", a "last straw" or a "rock bottom". Something external to make them realize they can't go on as they are. For me, the catalyst was my health, which is more of an internal reason I suppose. I didn't have a heart attack or liver failure, but my anxiety was getting uncontrollable and I knew it was directly tied to my drinking.

My life had been starting to feel tolerable, and I was more financially secure than ever before. Things were looking up... except for the alcoholism. This is a weird analogy but the only one that makes sense to express why, if I was doing so well on paper, I decided to go to rehab: you have to sweep before you mop. If I hadn't been in the place I was, I don't think I would've been successful at rehab. I had to sweep up the cat turds from the floor of my life before I was able to mop up the shit stains with sobriety. I know, I'm a true wordsmith.

When I finally called the hotline that hooked me up with a bunch of different rehabs, I knew I was in for a wait. It was about 5 months from that call to checking in, which isn't too bad considering I've been on the waitlist for a neuropsychiatrist in ALL OF CANADA for 4 years.

That brings us to July 12th, Rehab Day One. I've gone in depth in multiple other posts but to touch on it briefly, if I had to describe my experience in a sentence I'd say "the place I went to got very lucky with me".

What this means is that, of the 5 people in my group, I think this exact program was only ever going to help me. At the same time, I didn't even know what I would need, but this exact program was 90% of it. I didn't think 3 weeks would be long enough, but for me it was. The hours-long, repetitive, basic-ass CBT groups held 5 times a day 7 days a week was absolute torture for everyone but myself. While it was a drag to spend an hour on defining what a cognitive distortion is, the routine and repetition, something I've never gotten out of any outpatient program, helped me to really absorb the information and let it rewire my brain.

I've always said that I'm someone who should be spending an hour a day with a therapist for the rest of my life, and while that's not even remotely feasible, this was as close as it's ever gotten, and it proved me right, because it worked. I've done biweekly therapy for a short time but even that didn't come close to the way my brain changed in those 3 short weeks.

This program required absolute commitment and open-mindedness. This isn't because it was hard work or difficult concepts, but quite the opposite. While I hate the entire concept of art therapy being used as a cure-all for mental illness, I willingly got out of my bed, went downstairs and tried doing a dot mandala for an hour because I'm willing to try anything to get better. A lot of people might think they are, but really aren't. To use the mandala as an example, one guy was really into it, I wasn't, but we both finished. The other 3 tried, messed up a few times, and then scrolled through their phones. When I say this program necessitates complete engagement, that's not a compliment. It shouldn't be a chore to engage with the program. It shouldn't take me actively saying "I know I've known this basic concept since 4th grade, but maybe hearing it again will help" to get something out of a rehab program. So again, in every way, I got lucky, and so did they.

Before I finish with the rehab section, having had a few months to reflect on the whole thing, I now have an endless list of things wrong with it. I arrived, greeted by the most jaded and disillusioned of staff, and quickly became disturbed and at points concerned with just how negligent the staff are.

Maybe it's because I've been on the psych ward where they won't even let you have shoelaces and shine a flashlight on your face every half hour through the night, but it could've been so incredibly easy to sneak in alcohol. I brought 2 full water bottles, fully expecting to have to dump them out upon arrival, but they said "nah it's fine". Is it though?

Then there were actual counsellors there who were... okay. I recall one, the one I thought was the smartest, reading a handout aloud and coming across the word "delve" as in "let's delve into..." and stumbled, then said she doesn't know that word. The room was silent. As she pulled up Google on the screen I said, "it means to dive into it". She Googled it anyway. Synonyms include "dive in". If that was the only example I wouldn't mention it, but this was the first of at least 10 words she had do Google, none past a 10th grade level, from HER OWN MATERIAL. From that point on it became clear that they had no fucking idea what they were doing.

We had one last one-on-one counselling session before we left and the counsellor just filled in boxes to questions on her computer, rephrasing everything I said to fit into the buzzwords and "lessons" we'd "learned". Example. Me: I do think I'm better able to catch myself thinking 'oh I can just have one drink' and say 'no I can't'." Her: "Okay, so would you say that you can recognize negative cognitive distortions like permission-giving thoughts and counter them with a more rational and less emotional mind?" Like girl, blink twice if your boss is holding your family hostage. She gave me some papers, detailing all the online courses they were signing me up for and options for more treatment they'd be sending me, a phone number to call and a phone appointment for the next Monday. I never got that call, the phone number is a hotline, I never got a single email from them, and given how shitty they really are at their jobs, I didn't feel the inclination to try and get those resources. If they even exist in the first place.

In summation, it was a place where it was physically impossible to get alcohol. That's really all I can say in its favor. Oh, and they let you have your cell phone.

Now on our timeline I'm back home. I want to kind of analyze why it's been easy for me.

I often said that my main goal of going to rehab was to lock me away from alcohol long enough for it to reset my brain. Most people thought that was naïve, but that's exactly what happened. But I'm well aware that my experience of "instantly became sober and literally hasn't had a single hard day in 3 months" is absurdly unusual.

I put this down to a few things. Firstly, I'm on seven different meds for my mental health. Almost all of them have their effects dulled or even eliminated when you drink. So when I noticed my mood, fatigue, memory, concentration etc all getting better at once - right about as I left rehab, I don't think it would be a stretch to say that all those meds started working properly.

Secondly, I've been keeping myself busy, but that's something I've always been good at. Now I specifically choose to undertake projects that will eat up a lot my time and put me in a state of flow. I recently made an entire card game from scratch, and let me tell you, I didn't think of alcohol for a week.

Thirdly, my other goals now get in the way of alcohol. I'm getting old and my body is deteriorating. But I've always wanted to do just one last season of gymnastics. Well, I need to lose weight for that to happen. I've already lost 35 pounds, and after another 20 I'll be ready to go. Also, I used to spend more on alcohol per month than rent. Even though I've done a few shopping sprees lately, I haven't come remotely close to how much I was spending before.

I want it more than anything. I want to be sober more than I want one night of "fun" that will more likely than not lead me back to where I was a year ago. I never want to need anything as much as I needed alcohol.

Lastly, just a few more random thoughts.

A lot of people, myself included, worried about the fact that I work at a bar as a cook, but honestly the entire time I'm there I'm thinking about food, not alcohol. If I'm hanging out with some regulars before/after, I can watch them drink and be perfectly fine with my coffee, because the coffee is $2, and I used to spend $20 after every work shift.

I also decided in rehab to start taking better care of myself as best I could. This started with getting my second vax which I'd been putting off, then an eye appointment, then new glasses, then a dentist appointment where I was informed I need to do $3000 worth of work on my implant that's erroding my bone matter, so that sucks, but I caught it early. I've also been meditating every day. In just 3 months, I've made pretty big improvements to my self-care and my daily routine.

One of my fears about sobriety was "missing out" on "having fun". A few days ago, all my housemates got together to play Mario Party, and it was kind of my first night doing something social while sober. It was a breath of fresh air - I wasn't constantly running to piss, I didn't worry about running out of alcohol, I didn't get sloppy and obnoxious as I can sometimes do. I even came very very close to winning my first game of MP. When I reflected on the night, I realized that, if I'd been getting drunk the whole time, I would've sucked at the minigames, been a hindrance to anyone unfortunate enough to be teamed with me, and likely would've stopped caring about the game itself after the first few turns.

Yesterday I was making my 4th pot of coffee of the day when I realized there was a full glass of wine just sitting on the counter. I had absolutely no idea where the hell it came from - nobody in my house drinks wine. I shrugged and poured that sweet sweet bean juice. It was only when I sat down and took a sip of coffee did I find myself thinking automatically, "this tastes so much better than wine". I only realized then that it had been rose wine, the only kind I've ever been able to tolerate. It was the ultimate moment of possible temptation, and the thought of just chugging that glass - as I may've done in the past - didn't even cross my mind.

I'm so glad to be where I am. I'm about to undergo some serious financial changes - i.e. going absolutely broke - but drinking isn't gonna help that, so I'm cautiously optimistic.

Stay Greater, Flamingos.

[puckngrind]

Marry Me 2- J. Toews

Song Inspiration: Marry Me by Jason Derulo

Warning: swearing, smut, fluff

Word count: 2529

Marry Me part 1

“Greece.” Jon shoves his latest breakfast concoction in his mouth and looks over at you.

“Greece, like the country, my hair, or your food?” You run your fingers through your hair checking. This makes your fiancé laugh.

“For our wedding?” He swallows hard and you clear your throat trying not to focus on how the morning Chicago sun is accentuating every curve you love on his naked torso.

“Really? You want to get married in Greece?” He shrugs his shoulders and takes another bite. “How about somewhere near Winnipeg?”

“Like where?” His eyes flicker almost challenging you to come up with the ideal wedding spot.

“Isn’t there some botanical gardens? Maybe the lake?” He sees your lips curving in a mischievous smile.

“Which lake?” He mumbles.

“I would say Toews but how do you get guests out there?” You giggle.

“Funny. The lakes near home aren’t bad. Beach sounds better.” Jon stands to refill your coffee and place his dish in the sink.

“Or the mountains. Or here?” You made your way to the window looking out to the city you made your home 2 years prior. “It’s where our love story started you know?” Jon’s arms wrap around you and you feel his breath on your ear.

“I know baby. I love the idea of getting married here but it would be a media nightmare don’t you think?” He kisses the top of your head as you lean back into his chest.

“Yeah.” You huff out. Why the location of your wedding was something the two of you could not come up with was becoming frustrating with each passing week. Your close circle of friends and family almost immediately started asking. Plans couldn’t be made without a location. You twirled your engagement ring mindlessly while the two of you took in the morning view of the city in silence.

“You shoeless on a beach with your dress shirt buttoned down does sound sexy.” You whisper breaking the silence.

“And sweaty as hell in July.” Jon laughs pulling you to the couch.

“True.” That was the only thing you knew for sure. The wedding was going to be in July. After playoffs and before Jon revs up his training for the next season. It was maybe your favorite month with him. “Park City?”

“Utah?” Jon runs his fingers down your arm.

“We went there for All-Star break. Those mountains are gorgeous and I’m sure they aren’t as busy off season.”

“I don’t hate that (y/n).” Without prompting he reached for your phone and handed it to you. Typing away you looked up weddings in Park City in the summer. “If that doesn’t work, maybe the zoo will take us?”

“Don’t you joke Mr. Toews! You know I love the giraffes.” You run your hand over his neck tickling it and he stops you. Turning your body with one quick motion. All wedding plans left forgotten.

“Hmmm....” Jon’s eyes went wide as he pulled you onto his lap and attaches his lips to you in an almost desperation that came out of nowhere. “We should just elope. Do it this weekend and plan the honeymoon instead.” He moans as you run your fingers through his hair.

“J, really?” You catch his lips as they make their way up your jaw.

“No but planning the honeymoon is all mine m’kay?” He bites your lip but you pull away and slide down to the floor pulling his boxers and shorts down with you. His cock springs free and you kiss down his shaft.

“Wedding planning did this huh?” You glide your hand over the tip and down his length.

“Fuck (y/n).” Jon’s breath hitches as your tongue follows your hand. “You did this baby.” His thumb runs down your jaw as you take him in. The sounds that escape his mouth make you work faster. You feel his hands grab at you making you stop and look up. Jon’s eyes are trained on you. “Get up here.” He breathes out as he leans forward pulling you up from the floor. Placing you on his knees he pulls his old playoff shirt off your body and his legs spread apart enough for his fingers to dip inside your folds with ease. “Wedding planning did this huh?” His eyebrow shoots up taking note of how wet you were.

“You baby. You did this.” You mock his words from moments ago and giggle. With that his hands wrap around your hips picking you up and sliding you onto him in one fluid motion. “Jon.” You moan out as familiar stretch sends a shockwave through your body. Your fiancé wastes no time thrusting hard up into you while pulling you down into him. Finding that perfect rhythm you loved so much. Your hands graze his chest and you feel his muscles tighten with every move. He doesn’t let up and the animalistic sounds escaping his mouth tell you he’s about there. Your finger finds your clit and you press into him.

“Fuck that’s the spot.” Jon whisper yells in your ear. His thrusts are shorter and then the wave crashes down on both of you. You ride out your highs and fall into him. His hand coming up to pull your chin up to kiss your lips. “Damn.”

“Yeah.” You coo laying your head on his chest and listening to his heart beat out of his chest.

“Shedd?” He whispers.

“Shedd?” You lean up and look at him. His face is lit up like a kid at Christmas.

“Yeah. The Aquarium. It’s the perfect venue.” He pulls your lips to his again.

“You aren’t wrong. No worry about the weather. It’s here so planning will be easier...”

“Security to keep the wedding private. And sea life!” You see the excitement in his eyes.

“I’m thinking you might need to be the one to make the call. Use your status since I stole the most eligible Chicagoan bachelor off the market.” You pop up and he whimpers. “What?”

“I thought my idea would get a round 2?” He bites his lip and you hand him the phone.

“Make the call and meet me in the shower. Your success will determine if you get a reward.” You dip down to retrieve your shirt and head to the bathroom.

“Fuck I love you woman!” Jon shouts still sitting on the couch naked. You took your time getting in the shower. Start to let the mirror steam up before getting in. Jon joins you maybe 10 minutes later.

“So?” You question.

“How does July 4th weekend sound? They will have fireworks over the lake during the reception.” He crowds you letting the warm water run down his sweaty body.

“I don’t hate it.” You kiss his lips.

“Good because I already said yes.” He pulls your legs up to wrap around him.

“Now we need to actually plan this thing.” You kiss his shoulder and look into his eyes.

“After I get my reward.”

You weren’t sure how planning during the season would go but Jon made sure you utilized his down time for the important things. Gluten free cake was maybe the hardest thing to find but when your favorite bakery, Defloured, got wind the wedding was happening in town they sent over samples. It was falling into place. Jon’s brother, David, to be his best man and Savannah your maid of honor. The perfect dress was the second one you tried on. The only thing you left to Jon to do on his own was the rehearsal dinner and honeymoon.

“Rainforest is good for the rehearsal right?” Jon asked over FaceTime during a long road trip.

“Uh...um....”

“I’m joking Baby.” Jon’s face lit up seeing your reaction. He ended up reserving the same restaurant you met and got engaged in during that road trip. The honeymoon he wasn’t telling you anything and had Savannah pack your bags for the trip.

“Don’t worry. All the sexy stuff we bought is nicely hidden in your bag.” Savannah joked emerging from your bedroom with your luggage all packed.

“It’s getting real Sav.” You lifted your head to see the size of the bag. Warmer weather meant smaller bag. Colder weather meant larger. The medium sized piece you owned was sitting by the door. No help.

“Mrs. Toews...eta...2 days! Now let’s get checked into our bridal suite and hit the town?” She grabbed the smaller overnight bag you packed for the next 2 days, your rehearsal dress, and kicked at your feet to get you to move. Looking around you realized the next time you stepped foot in this condo would be after the honeymoon. Jon most likely carrying you in as promised when you refused to let him do it a year before after buying it.

“Should I expect you to cry tomorrow?” Jon leaned into you at dinner pressing his lips to your temple.

“I don’t actually know.” You scanned the room to see your families and wedding party carrying on in the place that brought you to Jon. “Maybe a good answer?” His smile reached his eyes.

“Same.” His fingers intertwined with yours. “I’m so damn happy to make you officially my family.” Those words were ringing in your ears the next morning as you heard a knock on the door. Jon sent room service to you with a gift.

“Open it!” Savannah shoved a piece of toast in her mouth and the box in your hand. Inside a monogrammed necklace with your’s and Jon’s initials flanking a script T. Your wedding date engraved down it. The scribbled note from Jon said: Today, we become one. I cannot wait to make you mine forever. I love you with all that I am. I’ll see you down the aisle. I’ll be the one in the navy tux. Always, J

A tear and a laugh leave your body in unison.

“What’s so funny?” Savannah questions.

“I ended my note to him the same way but I wrote, ‘I’ll be the one in the fancy white dress.”

“You two are couple goals and make me want to puke all at the same time.” She giggles. “Now let’s get you a new last name Love!”

Before you knew it you were in the car in front of Shedd. You’ve heard enough stories and have seen enough brides to know there were a few types especially the day of. The bridezilla you were not. Savannah assured you she would let you know if that was the case. You excepted to be nervous and you weren’t. Sitting in the car waiting to be told you could head in caused you to stare down at your bouquet thinking about how excited you were to marry the love of your life. A calmness about the thought made a tear come to your eye. Blinking it back you glanced back up. That’s when you saw him. Your soon to be husband crossing the large window.  Look of determination you see so many time when he’s working.

“I just saw him. Is that bad luck?” You blurted out and Savannah laughed at you.

“No. You saw him in the tux at the last fitting remember? It’s bad luck to see the bride.” Of course your man was old school in traditions even though the photographer begged to do a first glance. Jon ensured the photographer there was enough appetizers and booze to keep the guests entertained plus the aquarium itself that you could do all the couple pictures post ceremony. “Ok, let’s get you hitched!” Savannah announced snapping you out of thoughts.  Walking in the plans and dreams and visions had all come alive.  You were greeted by the aquarium team you worked with and ushered to no one got a look at you especially your man.  

The music started.  Your father took you by the arm. 

“It’s go time!”  Savannah turns around and holds your hand.  “I’ll see you down there.”  She stepped out in view and made her way down the aisle.  The music changed and you inhale.  

“Ready Princess?”  Your dad’s voice was steady.  He leads you to the door and that’s when you see Jon and only Jon.  His eyes trained on you like you two are the only two in the room.  The sound of everyone standing only slightly distracts you from the love of your life.  Time seem to stand still in that moment.  You finished walking to the front and Jon walked down to meet you.  Shook your dad’s hand as they passed your hand from one to the other.

“(Y/n) you look gorgeous.”  Jon presses forward but stops short to ensure he doesn’t kiss you.

“You look so very handsome J, even with that tear in your eye.” You whisper back and a soft laugh is shared.  Savannah grabs your bouquet and Jon takes both you hands.  

The ceremony was perfect.  You exchanged vows, promised to love each other forever in front of all of your people.

“And now by the power vested in me by the State of Illinois, I hereby pronounce you husband and wife.”  The officiant declares and cheers erupt.  “Jonathan, you may now kiss your bride.” “Finally!” Jon laughs and pulls you into him, dips you down and kisses you.  Bringing you back up his forehead lands on yours.  “You are officially Mrs. Toews Baby.”  The smirk made you smile.  

“Can you two start walking so we can start the party?”  Savannah leaned in handing you the bouquet back.  Those in ear shot laugh.

“Friends and Family,” The officiant announces.  “I have the pleasure of presenting to you for the first time Mr. and Mrs. Jonathan and (Y/N) Toews.”  Jon lifts your joined hands and your guests clap.  

Someone yells out “Get it Cap!”  as the two of you walk back down the aisle as husband and wife.  Jon stops you at the entry way and pulls you back into him kissing you more passionately. 

Pictures, first dance, fireworks over the water.  The night was perfect and you rarely left each other’s side.

“Can you finally tell me where we are going tomorrow?”  You lean into Jon while finishing dinner.

“Nope.”  he pops the p and gives you that look.  “Maybe after cake?”  He stands and leads you over.  

“Remember, we are feeding each other.”  You look up at him as you slice your shared piece.  Jon laughs.  You were worried he would just take a bite himself.  He assured you that he knew the etiquette and joked which teammate would forget to feed their new wife.  Placing the cake in his mouth he licks your thumb and smiles.  “Greece.”  He whispers.

“What?”  You lick the remaining icing off your finger.

“Our honeymoon is in Greece.”  He kisses you and you feel the excitement of your trip Jon planned.  “Now when can we leave the people and Belugas to start our wedding night huh?”

“Jon!”  You know you are blushing.

“What, I’ve never slept with a married woman before.  Sounds fun.”  He kisses you again.  Before you can say anything he stops you.  “I love you Mrs. Toews.”  

“I love you too Mr. Toews.  I’ll love you forever.”

[getitinbusan]

The Big Bang

Yoongi SMUT

Happy 4th of July to my Dirty Little American Friends

Nervous didn't even begin to describe it. Terrified, panic stricken, petrified, you were experiencing all of it. 

Usually the one to calm your anxiety, you looked at your boyfriend, Yoongi was just as bad off as you. 

"It's going to be fine, they'll love you because I love you."

You squeezed his hand trying to reassure him as much as yourself. "So because they have no choice?" He laughed a little. 

"Fuck, you know I didn't mean it like that." 

You pulled the car into the driveway and took a deep breath, "It'll be good... I promise." 

Not that it wasn't awkward, it really was, but things were going smoother than expected. 

Studying his English diligently since you'd met, he was trying really hard to make conversation. Standing back you watched him, beer in hand talking to your Dad as he grilled. 

You loved him. He was so far from home, so far from his comfort zone but here he was, just for you. 

Catching his eye you couldn't help but light up, he smiled at you as you made your way over. 

"Try this," you held the fork to his mouth. "umm, It's good." 

"It's mom's Dorito Salad." 

"When we get home you should make it for Jeongguk, he'd love that." 

Home, it sounded strange. Here you stood in the place you'd been born, surrounded by family and life long friends but it wasn't really home anymore. 

He gave your waist a squeeze, "Everything okay?" 

It was, as long as you had him it didn't matter where you were. 

"Are you ready to get on the water?"

His smile grew, "Your uncle said I can use his fishing gear." 

Exhausted from all activities it was definitely nap time. 

Leading him up the hallway, your tiny dog followed in pursuit as you pushed the door open.

"And this is where the magic happens!" 

He looked up and down the hall to make sure nobody was around before he caught your lips between his.

"I'm about to sleep in there, I don't want to know about it." 

You pushed him back onto the fluffy duvet, "You don't have to be jealous baby, It's only ever been me and my imagination."

Swinging a leg over you straddled him as he laid back. "I was however hoping to change that this weekend." 

Caught up in your words and hands you could feel him getting excited under you. Reaching to undo the top button of his shorts his hand grabbed yours and he moaned. "Stop teasing…" 

"I'm not teasing, I'm committed to it."

"No...come on baby. I'm not disrespecting your parents like that. They don't want us sleeping together in their house." 

"Do you always have to be the good guy Yoongi." 

He nodded, "We're going to be together for a long time baby girl, I don't need to give them a reason to hate me." 

Rolling off of him in a frustrated huff you could only manage an angry, "fine!" 

He giggled, "Don't be a spoiled brat, I'll make sure you get properly fucked when the first opportunity comes up."

You leaned back into him for a kiss.

"I'm exhausted, go hang out with your sister so I can nap."

"I get it...I'm going...geez."

You flipped the light switch off and as you were about to close the door you stuck your head back in.

"I love you Yoongi, it really means a lot that you're here with me." 

"I love you too peach now get the hell out, I'm tired."

He threw a pillow towards you but you closed the door at just the right moment. All you could hear from the hallway was him laughing, "I'm gonna get you next time."

You knocked on the door lightly, he'd been asleep for hours. The time change and the stress had caught up to you both.

Walking into the room you pulled the window shade beside the bed open. The sun was starting to go down but what light was left came in to illuminate his face on your pillow. 

"Hey sleepy, we're going to go soon. It's time for my favorite part of the holiday!" 

He sat up and rubbed his eyes, "Fireworks?" 

"Yes fireworks!!!"

Arriving at the field everyone set up their chairs and blankets. 

"You want to go up front?" he kept walking.

You pulled him back, "No, back of the crowd is always better." 

Everyone was in their own world, coolers were stocked with snacks and alcohol and conversation flowed freely. The air was warm and the sky was growing dark as you sat holding hands.

"You can put your arms around me," you whispered. "Nobody's looking."

His mouth went up into a crooked grin, wrapping his hands around your waist the first firecracker sounded above you.

His eyes shone under the flare, he was so beautiful, relaxed, peaceful, happy. The illuminated display suddenly didn't seem important, you couldn't take it anymore.

Standing up you reached for his hand, "Come on." Grabbing the blanket you motioned to the tree line behind you. 

Leading him up the path you pulled him into the denser section of the woods. It wasn't as loud and you could just make out the flashes through the leaves.

"What are you doing? Why aren't we watching fireworks?" His confusion was cute. 

"You promised we could have sex when the opportunity came up remember?"

You kissed his neck knowing you'd need to break down some of his stubborn resolve. 

"Baby I told you earlier, I can't... your parents."

"1. We aren't in their house. 2. Everyone's drunk and nobodies paying attention 3. It's always been a fantasy to have sex with fireworks going off...please Yoongi? I need you so badly."

He looked around assessing the situation then back at you.

"I wore this dress so you can get in and out nice and easy."

Raising the hem of the shift dress slowly up your thigh, you showed him your secret.

"I'm not wearing any panties." 

He closed his eyes struggling with his dilemma but his cock was already leading the charge. 

"I can't believe you're fucking doing this to me, if we get caught i'm telling everyone it was your idea." 

"We're not gonna get caught I promise." You spread the blanket under the tree, "No one can see and because of the fireworks...no ones gonna hear you moaning but me."

Dropping to your knees you grabbed the waist of his shorts and pulled him closer to you. "Can I suck you for a bit?" 

He was flustered, "I mean how much time do we have..it can't be that much...can it?" 

His unusually shy reserve was turning you on.

"Just enough to get you hard.."

"You think I'm not hard? Jesus Y/N, I'm ready to blow"

Pulling down his zipper, he wasn't lying. His cock was at full attention and the light from the overhead explosions highlighted the dribbles of excitement on his tip. 

The invigorating thrill of getting caught had you just as wet and excited as him. Licking your lips while staring up at him you wrapped your hand around his shaft and pumped him until he moaned.

"Did you miss this?"

He threw his head back as you wrapped your lips around him greedily sucking. It was urgent, rushed and hard, you had a small window of time before the smoke cleared and people scattered.

Popping off of him you laid back and lifted up the fabric of your dress. Exposed on the ground, you drew your finger over your clit enticing him. You felt dirty and you liked it. This place from your childhood, you needed to prove you'd outgrown it, that no matter how everything else had stayed the same you hadn't. 

"Hurry, please Yoongi."

He got down and lay over you. Cautious no more he anchored himself into your wet waiting core. Everytime you made love he waited for your signal. With hungry eyes you nodded, "Fuck me, hard." 

Moving quickly he pumped inside you. Rocking his hips forward against your clit, the wetness between you lubricated and heightened every sensation.

Glad for loud banging overhead the expletives dripped off your tongue as he pounded into you. The speed and intensity picked up and the cheering sound came through the trees. The finale of the show spurring on the most intense orgasm you'd ever had. 

Not having the luxury of time on your side, you pulled yourselves together and ran back to your spot undetected. As the last of the lights dissipated into the night everyone gathered to leave. 

"So what did you think of it Yoongi?" Your Dad patted him on the back. 

"Well sir, I don't think I'll ever look at fireworks the same now that I've experienced a real 4th of July party." 

[mermaidcashton]

i hate to admit it

author: claire (@mermaidcashton) ship: michael clifford/reader prompt/AU: this is a gift for the wonderful @h0tsos who wanted soft, subby Michael in an enemies to lovers capacity (and i snuck some coffee shop!au in there as well, and some weebness because, well, it’s Steff and Michael) wordcount: 4k+ warnings: swearing, alcohol mentions, explicit sexual content a/n: • written for @maluminspace & @h0tsos ‘s 5sos fic writers collab (which was a gift exchange this time around) • i do not give permission for this (or any of my writing) to be reposted, by anyone, on this or any other website. please don’t do it! • title from ‘this means war’ by mariana’s trench • ‘my hero academia’ is a manga/anime series. there are references to it and a few of the characters in this but you don’t need to know anything about it to understand what’s going on.

i hate to admit it *** “So, they’re like...superheroes?” 

Luke sipped on his glass of rosé, nodding like he understood whilst making a face that showed he absolutely did not.

“Yeah, dude, pretty much!” Michael nodded along with your co-worker with so much enthusiasm he looked like one of those dogs people put on their dashboards. Except less cute. Wait, no - not cute. Definitely not cute at all. Good save, you. Couldn’t have your own internal monologue thinking you felt anything for the moron you were forced to work with 3 times a week was anything more than an annoyance you had to endure. With a butt that wouldn’t quit. Dammit, self! 

Michael took advantage of Luke showing an interest in his (and yours) favourite anime, and began bombarding him with half baked theories, predictable favourite scenes and shitty character analysis. He nearly knocked his own hat off as he flailed his hands around in an attempt at explaining the dynamics of a battle from the second season. Luke smiled politely. 

You snorted into your drink as you drained the last of it; you were definitely going to need another. If Michael started fanboying over Deku again, you were going to scream.

As you placed the empty bottle onto the wood of the coffee table, you took another glance around the apartment you were in. You’d never been up here before, despite spending a minimum of 20 hours a week in the coffee shop downstairs. But after this evening’s staff meeting tackling such issues as ‘who forgot that milk needs to be kept in the fridge overnight’ (Luke), ‘who is putting too much whipped cream on hot chocolates’ (Michael), and ‘who wrote ‘THIS COFFEE IS HOT, BUT U R HOTTER ❤ ) on a customers caramel macchiato’ (Luke again), Ashton had invited you all upstairs for a ‘employee chill’. You had been surprised a week or so into your employment when you had found out that the manager was also the owner who lived in the apartment above Screamin’ Beans; he was only in his mid twenties, but the more you’d experienced his drive and determination, the more your surprise had dwindled. Ashton really was a great guy, with one big flaw; Michael. They had been best friends for years, hence him moving into the apartment when he came back into town and the job Ashton had given him; which in your humble opinion was the equivalent of setting a monkey loose on the milk frother.   

Michael had sealed his fate with you the same day he’d started work. He arrived 10 minutes late (from upstairs), sleepy eyed and shy smiled. His fluffy blonde hair was spilling out of his beanie, and he kept biting his very pink lip bottom with sharp little teeth. The way he pronounced your name was adorable. You’d burned your hand on the espresso machine. Strike one. Things unravelled quickly after that. He was ‘too shy’ to take orders and work the register so you were stuck there all day talking to goddamn customers about why it wasn’t a good idea to have 3 pumps of every syrup while he hid behind silver machinery and dirtied way more jugs than you deemed necessary. Strike two. And then he’d dropped a latté into that ladies bag - sorry, very expensive bag. Michael had let out a ‘uuuhhh’ sound like a malfunctioning robot without moving for so long that the furious customer had stopped trying to yell at him and focused her rage on you instead. When he had eventually come to whatever passed for his senses, Michael had power walked into the employee bathroom and didn’t return until Calum arrived to join the shift and assured him the woman had left, twenty minute later. You were beyond strikes. You’d been so sure you could talk Ashton into scheduling you together as little as possible. There was no reason to put you down to work nearly every shift together, especially shifts where only two staff were on! Except, apparently there was because he kept fucking doing it. Every time you pressed Ashton on it, he’d say something about how he needed Michael ‘trained by the best’, or ‘matching availabilities’, or he thought their ‘energies combined well; auras are meshing, y’know?’ The one might have been on you for catching him as he was returning from his Vibe Check Yoga class at the studio down the street. 

He’d also emphasised that Michael needed more friends now he was back in the city, and you two had loads in common! You both liked pop punk! You’d rolled your eyes. And Italian food! A ‘tch noise. And anime! Okay, you’d bite. 

The next time you’d gone into work, you’d engaged Michael in a conversation about ‘Tokyo Ghoul’ and recommended ‘Demon Slayer’; things started to pick up. You didn’t fantasise about locking Michael in the walk-in fridge the whole shift. And then…

“You watch ‘My Hero Academia’, right?” “Uh, yeah! I love it.” “Me too! I just ordered a Todoroki tee yesterday. And another Deku one, of course; gotta rep my main man!” “Oh..cool! He’s your favourite?” Of course Michael was a basic bitch. But hey, that’s fine. Deku was fine. He was the main character, after all. And he’s a little less whiny in the recent manga issues, you guess. And the way Michael’s face was right now - open, comfortable, lit up like the 4th of July? That was good, too. His eyes were so green.  “Yeah! Who’s your favourite character?” “Well, I would die for a bunch of ‘em, but I’m a Bakugou girl at heart.” You laid a palm flat on your chest, choosing to ignore the feel of your heart beating faster than it had been five minutes ago beneath it.  Michael wrinkled his nose. “Bakugou? But he’s like...he’s so mean! And angry!”

Oh no. You’d had this conversation before. You locked eyes with Michael, hoping he could see the warning in your eyes. Don’t do it, ho.

“Like, he’d probably make a better villain than hero!”

“You okay, boo?” Calum slid into the space on the couch beside you, holding out a fresh beer for you to take. “You look deep in thought.”

You hummed and accepted the bottle from him, letting go of your train of thought as you caught sight of Luke trying to prove he could get his overly long leg behind his head. Michael and Ashley F. were both actively trying to avoid getting kicked in the face with a sparkly boot, whilst Ashton was just monitoring the situation very intently; you’re not entirely sure when he last blinked. 

You snorted again as Luke’s foot slotted into place in a position you were 85% sure he would not be able to get out of again without assistance, possibly from the emergency services.

“I’m fine. Gotta be one of us capable of thinking here, y’know.” You teased, looking sidelong at Calum. He laughed, rubbing a hand over his freshly shaved hair; he’d always been as easy to get along with as he was obnoxiously handsome. “Hey! You’re lucky I know you’re talking about the human pretzel over there! And I guess, your boyf-” Big brown eyes glittered at you over the hand you’d slapped over his mouth. “-fwendth.” Narrowing your own eyes at your friend, you hissed. “Shut up! I would rather die.” Calum waggled his eyebrows incessantly at you until you relented and dropped your hand. “You knew who I was talking about, though.” Ugh. Smug was not a good look on Calum. “You know, smug is not a good lo-oh fuck, is that the time?” The clock behind Calum’s head showed 8:58; your auction ended at 9:00. You fumbled into your bag for your phone, unlocking it and flicking straight to the app you needed. Phew - still the top bid. “Whatcha doin’?” Calum hooked his chin over your shoulder, blowing your hair out of his face before settling down. 

“Bidded on a really cool, limited edition figure. One of my all time favourite anime characters. The auction is about to end.” You explained,  making sure Calum could hear you other the cacophony of sounds associated with Luke trying to get his other leg behind his head. You both watched the seconds tick down, your username sitting securely by the words ‘Winning Bid’. At two seconds to nine, the page refreshed, then refreshed again; it was over.

‘Winning Bid: BIGRED69’ “Uh...what happened? That’s not you, right?” Calum asked, tilting his head to look at your face, and the rage it contained. BIGRED69. He’d done it again. 

“Uh oh, Y/N - what’s wrong?” Ashton’s voice pulled you out of your internal screaming, and you looked up at him. 

“She’s losing her weeb shit at a heavy eBay loss” Calum answered for you, nodding solemnly as he pulled away from you, giving you room to bonk him with a cushion. “Oh! That’s too bad, but that’s another thing you and Mikey have in common!” Ashton beamed. “Mikey!” Oh no. Oh no, no.

“Yeah?” Michael sloped over, getting his black boot caught on the corner of the leopard print rug as he did. Ashton caught him with an ease you suspected (knew) came from practice. “Why don’t you take Y/N to see your anime dolls? She collects them, too!” Ashton looked so pleased with himself and his suggestion for further ‘bonding’ for you and Michael, and Michael looked like he’d been force fed raw lemon at the phrase ‘anime dolls’, so you let it go on your own behalf. Except now Michael was waiting expectantly for you to follow him to his room and Calum was shoving you off of the couch to get you moving. Fuck your life. You sighed as you got up and started walking. “Fine, let’s go; you can show me your Todoroki body pillow and then we can get on with our lives.” Michael let out a small hiss like an angry kitten, his cheeks colouring a pretty pink. He spared a glance at everyone left in your wake. “I, um, don’t have a body pillow, you guys.” “Suuuuure!” You rolled your eyes, waiting for Michael to enter his bedroom so you could follow. The blonde flicked the light on and moved slightly further in so you could pass him, before shutting the door with a small ‘click’. You decided not to comment on this action, looking around at the posters on the walls and figurines on the shelves instead. You were undecided on whether or not you were going to comment on how cool a lot of Michael’s shit was. A ‘Full Metal Alchemist’ poster over his bed, a full shelf of Funko Pops from movies you loved, framed prints of album artwork by Waterparks and The Maine. Fuck. You were really aware of Michael staring at you with an almost hopeful (?) look on his face as you let your eyes travel around his room before he could show you his ‘anime dolls’. Fuck. Your stomach felt fluttery, and you thought you might have a serious problem here, before you caught sight of a very different problem on Michael’s desk. 

A rare Kirishima Eijirou statue - box signed by the voice actor - you’d been outbid on last month. By BIGRED69. What were the chances a different one was sitting by Michael’s laptop?

“So,” You said, trying to keep your voice neutral and non-murderous. “Where do you get your collectibles from?” “Forbidden Planet, Tokyo Toys, eBay…” Michael rattled off, until you interrupted him. “Where did you get that one? Looks rare - it must have been difficult!” 

“Oh! eBay! It was, but I have an app for it, so…” Michael grinned, looking pleased with himself. An app? “An automatic bidding app? You sniped me?! That’s cheating!” You squeaked; you could not believe this. It was unbelievable.

Michael blinked at you, head empty. “BIGRED69?!” You managed to make the world’s stupidest screen name sound like a terrible accusation. Which it was.

Comprehension dawned on his stupid, beautiful face all at once. “Oh my God! That was you that I’ve been fighting for this stuff? No way! But you didn’t know it was me?”

“Why the hell would I know it was you!” You threw your hands up, and Michael just stared dopily back at you.

“‘Bigred69?! Obviously I assumed you were 12!” Michael let out a squawk of protest, before folding his arms defensively across his chest.

“Clifford!” “What?” Michael’s tone became more insistent. “My last name! Clifford!” You pulled an exaggerated ‘so?!’ face, throwing your hand in the air again. 

Michael had the unmitigated gall to huff, like you were the biggest idiot in the room; like he wasn’t always the biggest idiot in every room, all rooms, ever, in the history of rooms. “Clifford the Big Red Dog!” He said, insistence heavy in the words.

You often swore you could almost hear the old internet dial up tone trilling inside Michael’s brain when customers at the coffee shop asked him such difficult questions as “What dairy alternative milks do you carry?”, “Where is the bathroom?”, and even once - you swear - “What’s your name?”. In Michael’s defence, that last one had been asked in more flirtatious-than-not tone by a brunette who clearly had some kind of vision problem (he’d been dressed more horrendously than usual that day beneath his uniform apron; was that a utility vest?!), but had fluttered her eyelashes at your idiot colleague so hard, for so long, you’d been concerned she’d be leaving without what little vision she’d arrived with. But still. Idiot. Michael, not you. And yet, now it was you with your brain puttering through the information you had with the shrill electronic sound of the 90’s in your head. “Clifford the- are you for fucking real?” This could not be real life.

“It’s totally clever!” Michael asserted, continuing in earnest once you scoffed in reply. “No, listen! Because of Clifford, and also, I had red hair when I made it, and 69 is funny - it is! - and, well-” His face flushed slightly before he puffed his chest out a little, apparently deciding to commit to his defence of his screen name. “I’m big, so it works on like, loads of levels!” 

This could not be happening to you. You were decidedly not standing in the bedroom of a coworker you simultaneously couldn’t stand and also couldn’t stop thinking about kissing as you restocked the counter fridges in the evenings, as he explained that his auction site handle was a combination of a previous dye job, an insinuation about his dick and a massive fucking dog. You could not let Michael have the upper hand here, but you were floundering. So you fell into more familiar, more pathetic territory. 

“If you were called something like ‘deku-loving-loser’, then, sure - I would have known it was you!” “Who’s 12 now?!” “Uh, still you!” Okay, so this wasn’t your finest moment, but you were in it now. And you’d really wanted the Kaminari figure tonight. Michael didn’t even like him that much!

“The point is, you totally sniped me! And you get stuff about basic canon wrong! And your understanding of the characters is one dimensional! And, and...your hat is stupid!” Well, shit. In your defence, Michael’s hat was stupid. You could feel how hot your face was, and Michael’s eyes looking right at it was only making it worse. You couldn’t read his expression at all; he looked like he was searching for something, and you didn’t know what it was, or if he’d find it. You could only assume he had when he took the most decisive steps you’d ever seen him take, reaching you in two huge steps and cupping your face with both hands. Michael kissed in a way he didn’t do anything else; he felt sure and certain as he pressed his lips to yours, moving them with intent. Your brain became overtaken with television static almost immediately as you moved your mouth in time with his, opening your mouth immediately at the questioning press of his tongue. You had enough of yourself left aware to yank his stupid fucking hat off his head as you tangled your fingers in his blonde hair, Michael’s hands sliding down to clutch at your waist as you swayed with the kiss. As Michael pulled back ever so slightly, you took the opportunity to press your teeth into his plush bottom lip, the way you’d thought of doing in afternoon slumps on shift. The whine that came from deep in Michael’s throat made a split second decision for you. 

You pulled back further from Michael, yanking your top off in one go and starting in on the buttons of his black shirt before he fully registered the sight of your bra and the top of your full breasts.  

“Shit, Y/N, are you…” Michael trailed off as you pulled his sleeves down his arms, and the shirt off this body. Your eyes met his as you popped the button on his black jeans and placed your hand on his zipper. “Do you really want me to overthink this, Michael?” A moment’s pause, then he shook his head vigorously, leaning down to pull his boots off once you’d yanked his jeans to his knees. By the time he was left in his (funnily enough, black) boxer briefs, you’d discarded your own jeans and were knelt at the foot of his bed in your soft, lilac underwear. Michael’s breath hitched as his gaze drifted down your body, taking it all in under the artificial light of the room. “Get over here, Clifford…” You teased, trying not to second guess what was happening. Michael broke out of his trance and more or less threw himself onto the bed, settling his head on the pillows and pulling you on top of him for another kiss, and then another, and another. By the time you pulled back to catch your breath, your head was spinning. You braced yourself on your forearms on the bed, taking the time to admire Michael’s body beneath you. 

You’d seen the tattoos on his pale, strong arms before, but they looked different in this context; the contrast between the milky skin and dark ink made your stomach swoop. The blonde hair on his head is also a contradiction; to the dark hair on his chest and the hair trailing down his stomach and disappearing under his waistband. Your mouth felt very dry as you let your gaze continue downward, to the straining bulge beneath the fabric.

You flicked your eyes back to meet Michael’s in question, your fingers suddenly resting on the waistband of his underwear. Michael swallowed thickly, and then nodded once before fixing you with a gaze of pure anticipation. 

No use waiting around. You propped yourself up onto your knees over him and pulled on the fabric decisively, not stopping your motion until his underwear bunched up at his ankles. Holy shit.

You always knew Michael had to have at least one redeeming quality, and you’d finally found it. His cock was huge, hanging heavy and hard between his fuzzy thighs. The head was flushed the darkest pink you could ever remember seeing, and the slit was already shiny with precum. 

If a voice in your head that sounded unfortunately like Calum pressed that Michael had lots of qualities you secretly found redeeming, you ignored it in favour of getting straight to business.

“FUCK! FUCKIN-” 

Apparently, Michael hadn’t been prepared for you to take half of his impressive length into your mouth in one go. You sucked with intent, casting your eyes up to take in the sight of him. His pupils were already starting to blow, and you’d barely done anything. God, that was so sweet.

But then Michael threaded his fingers through your hair, his hand pressing ever so slightly into your scalp. The blonde wasn’t pushing down, but his grip was firm. You could feel the weight of his hand on the top of your head as you held his cock in your mouth, and that shit? Would not stand.

You grab the wrist brushing your hair a second before your other hand finds his idle one, fingers twisted loosely in the sheets. Once you’ve captured both wrists, you guide both to the same point above Michael’s hips, before slamming both into the mattress with purpose. 

If you’d had time to think about it, you’re not sure how you would have expected Michael to react. He didn’t really put out the energy of a man who’d properly fight you for control, either in a domineering way or with more of an air of fragile masculinity. Perhaps a bit of questioning but ultimately compliant as long as he got his dick sucked. But the wanton moan that kicked out of Michael’s chest as you settled into a tight grip on his wrists where you had them pinned on the sheets with intent? That was unexpected. That was interesting.   

Your mouth had remained still on his cock whilst you got his wrists pinned down, more cockwarming him than blowing him. But now you had him so pliant and under your control, it was go time. You pulled back up his cock, wrapping your lips tightly around the head of Michael’s cock, and sucked with gusto. Another groan from above you. You worked your tongue all the way around the head before pulling back enough to flick it into Michael’s sensitive slit. “Oh my fuuu- Y/N, God, I-” Michael was starting to writhe, his hairy legs rubbing into the sheets beneath you. You could feel his wrists moving along with the rest of his body, but you knew you’d made it clear you’d wanted him pinned, and he made no move to get his hand free. Good boy. You sank steadily back down Michael’s length, at least to the six inch mark, before pulling back up, hollowing your cheeks as you went. Back down a little further, then up, back to teasing the head, using your tongue. Michael couldn’t predict what you were going to do next, and it was clearly pushing all of his buttons. You could taste the precum that his cock kept kicking out into your mouth and throat, and see the flush spreading down his neck. By the time you’d pulled, drool beginning to build at the sides of your mouth, Michael was a mess, moaning as much as he was breathing. This could get addictive, you thought to yourself as you let your mouth drop to his balls, and your thumbs press into the pulse points on his wrists. You hummed before you released his left ball from your mouth with a wet pop, and that’s when Michael started begging. “Please, please, Y/N, I wanna-” he panted, cutting himself off over and over. “You’re so beautiful, lemme- God, fuck, it feels so amazing, you’re- I’ve been good, I’ll do anything, please…”

You pretend to consider his pleas as you dragged your tongue over his right ball, dipping into all the creases and leaving them wet behind you. Drawing back up onto your knees, you released one of his wrists so you could push his sweaty blonde bangs back from where it was plastered to his forehead, drinking in the vision before you. His green eyes were nearly completely black, blown out with arousal. The sheen on the skin of his face and body made him glow. His lips were chapped from his teeth tugging on them, and the pink of the matched the flush spread from his cheeks down his chest. And the wrist you were no longer restraining hadn’t moved a centimeter, still pressed firmly to the mattress. Michael was a good boy. And you knew how to treat good boys. With no preamble, you took Michael back into the wet heat of your mouth, relaxing your throat and not stopping until your nose was buried in the soft thatch of trimmed hair on his crotch. You took a moment to situate yourself and enjoy the deep whines bursting out of Michael’s throat into the quiet of his bedroom, before you began to move again, swallowing around his cock. You saw his thighs begin to tremble to the side of you before you heard him speak. “Fuck, fuck, Y/N, please, I’m gonna-” You hummed as hard as you could, pushing Michael’s wrists with that little bit more force into the bed as you did. Michael let out his loudest whine yet - bordering on a sob- as he came, shooting down your throat as he writhed beneath you. 

You swallowed everything he gave you, and when you were sure he was finished, you pulled off slowly, and gently, releasing his wrists as you stood back up on your knees.

Michael looked blissed out, staring dreamily up at you with bright, adoring eyes. He still was yet to move his hands. “Hey.” “Hi.” You smirked down at him. “I believe I heard something about you’d ‘do anything’?” You shot a quick glance at the figurine on his desk, and down at yourself. “I had some ideas…” 

collab masterlist • my masterlist

[cerberus253]

Drago's beloved girlfriend would be able to introduce him to the holidays? If she likes them, but not Drago. And what gift do you think you could give him?

Drago probably already knows a bunch of the main holidays celebrated in the USA, as well as why they were created and still celebrated. With that being said, I don’t think Drago would celebrate any of them, well, aside from Halloween because ‘tis the season to be spooky scary. If anything, he’d be okay with Halloween. despise Christmas and the 4th of July. and not care about the rest.

Like I just said, Drago would like Halloween because of it’s scary aesthetic and its “praising“ amongst monsters and darkness. He’d hate Christmas because of all the mushy, heartfelt, family stuff. Kindness and compassion for no reason other than just because? Pathetic! Weak! For the 4th of July, and really any holiday like it, Drago doesn’t like it because it celebrates independence of humans. I guess you could also put Valentine’s Day under the “hated holidays“ list, but I think Drago would find that one more annoying than anger inducing.

Now, if Drago had a human s/o, they’d probably get him involved with some of them. Those like Valentines Day, Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc are really about being with family and expressing their affection/thankfulness to one another. Yeah, it all has human origins, but it’s also about in general love. Dude’s a grinch because he never felt loved, and therefore probably resents emotional holidays. However, since he is now with someone who absolutely ADORES him, he may start seeing it in a better light, even if it’s for slight selfish reasons on the surface (”Yes! Rain your gifts upon me!”). In addition, I don’t think Drago would be too warm towards strangers and relatives during these holidays even if he understands their meanings now, but he would warm with the s/o for obvious (attachment) reasons. Oh to imagine cuddling Drago under a warm blanket, drinking hot cocoa, watching a silly movie together, and then plopping a little Santa hat on his grumpy face. Imagine his surprise when you give him so many kisses for being so cute with that hat on~ *ahem* Anyways, insert every holiday movie classic with a person hating the holidays at first, but then finally shown the love they never knew, and then they finally understand the true meaning of compassion and family, and boom, ya got Drago’s “appreciating the holidays“ arc.

The next set of holidays would be those that fall under Easter, Saint Patrick’s Day, 4th of July, Halloween, etc. I’m not sure how most people view these holidays, but I look at them as “Fun Activities“ holidays. So, of course Drago would be from neutral to against for most of them for their origins or the “silly, pointless stuff“ one does, but again, once the s/o celebrates these holidays with/in front of him, he’d be a little more open with them. For example, Easter. Easter’s origins is about the resurrection of Christ, and for some reason you go on an egg hunt for goodies and prizes. Yeah, sounds dumb, BUT it could be some innocent fun if done right. The whole activity is to search for metaphorical/literal treats, whether it be chocolate, little toys, stuff you could actual use (stamps, bookmarks, jewelry, etc), etc. It’s all a treasure hunt, and really just about every creature that targets gaining happiness and satisfaction harbors curiosity. Drago would think it’s stupid, but just wait and see what his reaction(s) would be if you hid some stuff around the house, putting some riddled notes with a small piece of chocolate in every single one, and ultimately it leads to his Grande Surprise! He’ll want to resist it at first, but curiosity and greed will get the best of him, and if ya do it right, ya might get him like a cat looking for the scurrying mouse. Er, that last part might be romanticizing things, but still, so cuuute~

And just a quick note with the others, 4th of July is really about getting together, having a cook out and/or a camp out, and watching amazing fireworks to please that primordial brain part of ‘Ooo, shiny!’. Saint Patrick’s Day is purely about hanging out with friends, and Halloween is pretty obvious: Sweets and Scares all the way babyyyy.

Downside to all of this, Drago might catch on to it all being “required to socialize on these specific days,” when in reality nothing is stopping anyone with doing these same activities any other day of the year, well, aside from society telling you “no,“ and maybe needing a permit to do fireworks on any other day of the year, but my point still stands. You can hang out with people any day you want, give gifts whenever you want, and throw parties and gatherings whenever you want.

Holidays are specialized days to do these “extravagant“ activities all around the world and people will understand and be a part of it, but still, it feels all a little forced, ya know? It feels so much better to do something for someone on a whim than doing it because it’s a holiday, which makes it all feel required. Drago would definitely argue this at some point (and I totally agree with it with Christmas and kind of Halloween), but just actually have him Do the Things with you and be a part of something instead of being cut off all the time, he’ll warm up a little bit to it; just a little though. Maybe.

Reiterating, I personally believe people don’t like most holidays either because a lot of people who celebrate it are fucking annoying, or it’s because the former people never had a proper one, let alone had company and any good emotional attachments with anyone. So, what it comes down to is social animals need, well, to socializing, and the lack thereof drives one crazy, insane, and can and will cause mental problems. In a sense, holidays are important so social animals can get together for a yearly dose of needed chemicals to produce within them so they don’t break and become self destructive.

...

A-Anyways, that got a little deep. So, uh, what gifts would I give Drago... Well, he does come off as the type of person to not want anything unless they had some physical use to him, but there probably is some stuff he’d like just to have. So, I’d personally focus on getting him things he would use, like some cool-ass jackets and, if possible, some spellbooks so he can learn new magic stuffs. Ugh, I’m not good at giving gifts... The stuff that would make me feel like I gave him something worthwhile would be hand-made art pieces. I would LOVE to just... make things for him. A portrait of him, a sculpture of a fearsome Chinese dragon, a hand-made necklace, wood carved Chinese Zodiac animals, Bob Ross paintings of what his fantasy palace would look like, a hand knit blanket and/or sweater and gloves, etc. I never feel like “just buying something“ is ever good enough and I need to actually make something because that is the closest thing to the heart a gift can be. Going out and buying things, well, I guess imperial and Chinese looking things because of his heritage, aesthetic, and the suggested power Imperial China gives off.

But yeah, the best gifts would probably be things that he can actually use and its design or whatever is something that pleases him. So, uh, Chinese Dragon biker jacket, dawg. Maybe some finger less, fire resistant gloves or something.

[highkey-lowkey-as-hell]

if you want to write it, a meet the parents fic but it’s kateva and angst to hurt comfort because i like my heart broken -cotmlc

THANK YOU, CO-PRESIDENT, FOR RELIEVING MY HORRIBLE, TERRIBLE, SOUL-CRUSHING BOREDOM

Also, seeing as this is angst, I’m switching the prompt up just a little. My headcanon is that Eva’s mom is the Best Mom and Kate’s parents are Trying (And Failing A Little But Overall Doing Their Best), so we’re getting Kate’s more-homophobic-grandparents instead for the Angst Factor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay, yes, Kate was nervous.

Like, super nervous.

Eva had sworn up and down that she loved Kate no matter what, and while that did help her fear of losing her, she was still scared this afternoon was going to make Eva run away. Even if she didn’t, though, Kate was still expecting hell.

Her maternal grandparents were thoroughly convinced that Kate’s sarcastic, cynical, girls-and-flannel-loving personality was Just A Phase and she’d grow out of it and start wearing pink and giggling and liking guys any moment now. Obviously, that wasn’t happening. When she’d joined the cheer squad, they’d been so excited, Kate almost felt bad about disappointing them.

Almost. She didn’t actually feel bad about it.

Actually, her grandparents were one of the only things that told Kate her mom really and truly supported her sexuality. Sure, she was insecure about it, and had once asked her if she thought it was “just a phase,” but she always defended Kate whenever her grandparents asked if she was interested in anyone and she answered with “Bridget” or “Emily” or “Jennifer.”

Her mom’s mediocre support aside, Kate had been postponing this meeting for as long as she could. She and Eva had officially been together since February, and now it was July. She’d met Eva’s mother, uncle, and siblings, and Eva had met her parents and brothers. She knew for a fact that Eva had Chess’s letter tucked safely in a dresser drawer and that she reread it often. They even regularly said “I love you” now. And yet, her grandparents had only recently even learned Eva existed.

Just like always, Kate and her parents were hosting the Dalton family’s annual 4th of July party. Typically, Kate would be forced to greet everyone and then would run up to her room to read or play on her phone, or - before Derrick and Jack had left for college and gotten so distant - she and her brothers would be in the basement, playing video games Kate probably shouldn’t have been playing when she was ten. Today, though, was going to be a bit different.

Kate’s grandmother had recently joined Facebook without her knowledge, which proved to be problematic at the end of the year. Kate’s mom had made her usual post, congratulating Derrick on finishing his first year of grad school, Jack on his sophomore year of college, and Kate on her junior year of high school. The picture of Kate she had chosen to post was one Eva had posted to Instagram (and one she’d asked permission to use, which Kate and Eva both appreciated) (the caption was very sweet, irrelevant to this story, and was “GCHS cheer fucking sucks but at least I’ve got you, I love you so much”), which was a photo of the two of them after their last cheer competition. In the photo, Eva had her arm around Kate and was kissing her cheek, and it was very obvious that they were a couple.

Kate’s grandmother saw the photo.

Kate’s first reaction when her mom told her was to freeze and think fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck SHIT fuck fuck fuck - which she thought was a very logical first reaction. Her second reaction was freak the fuck out.

One thing had led to another, and now Eva had been invited to join the Dalton family Independence Day celebrations.

She showed up a little bit before everyone else, just because that’s how Eva was, and Kate dragged her down into the basement so she could rant about how scared she was.

“My cousins are just like Lily and they’ll love you and my aunts and uncles are great and Dad’s parents are pretty cool but Mom’s parents are going to hate you,” she ranted, pacing back and forth while Eva watched from the couch. “This might have been a really bad idea.”

“It’ll be fine, Katie,” Eva tried to sooth. “You’ve literally survived a stab wound, they can’t be much worse.”

“My grandparents meeting my girlfriend? Yeah, I think I’d rather get stabbed again.”

“I think you’re overreacting.”

“You won’t think that when they show up.” Kate stopped pacing and hugged herself, trying to calm her anxiety. “Promise you’ll stay?”

“I promise.” Eva stood up and hugged her, and Kate finally managed to breathe. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Kate wanted Eva to hold her like that for the rest of the day, but the doorbell rang and Jack shouted for them to come upstairs and it was time to face the music.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Her paternal grandparents showed up first and, like Kate predicted, immediately adored Eva. They’d asked her at least four dozen questions before Kate’s aunt showed up a few minutes later, and as her relatives trickled in, Kate began to suspect that this was turning into less of a “family Independence Day!” party and more of a “Kate’s actually gay and has a girlfriend now, wow, time to overwhelm her” party. She’d made a deal with Jack and Derrick beforehand, having predicted what would happen, and invoked it now, leaving them to entertain their relatives while Kate pulled Eva into the backyard and onto the porch swing, where it would take several minutes for questions to reach them and they had an excuse to be as close as possible.

Kate was hoping her mom’s parents might not show up when her grandfather appeared in the doorway and her stomach sank into her beat-up shoes. He zeroed in on Kate and Eva right away and walked toward them, taking up way more space than he needed to like always.

“Kate, it’s been a while,” he boomed, and Kate winced.

“Hey, Grandpa,” she said, trying not to sound too sarcastic. “This is Eva.” Eva awkwardly waved, then put her hand down.

“It’s nice to meet you,” she said, and Kate felt really bad about dragging her into this.

“You must be Kate’s friend,” he nearly yelled (why the fuck did he have to be so loud?) and Kate nearly straight-up attacked him.

I’m basically in her lap right now! What the fuck do you mean, my “friend”?

Jack caught her eye from across the porch and gave her a sympathetic look before looking back at their elderly great-grandmother.

“Girlfriend, actually,” Kate corrected. “We’re dating. We’re a couple. Definitely not friends.”

“Right, of course.” Her grandfather winked at her, and she nearly screamed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The day did not get much better.

When her grandmother came out, she was about as subtle as her husband had been about how she didn’t actually believe Kate and Eva were in love (maybe? In love felt a little bit strong, but it also seemed to be the best term for it and Kate didn’t have time to think of a better way to put it) and thought they were just good friends. Then, when she stood up to go and get her phone so she could show her aunt a picture of their cheer squad and Eva’s hand wasn’t covering her scar anymore, her aunt screamed and brought three people running, pinning all the attention on Kate in a really bad way.

After a few hours, Kate whispered something in Eva’s ear and stepped away, into the garage, trying to catch her breath and calm down. The door opened, and rather than being Eva or one of her brothers like she’d hoped, she opened her eyes to see her grandmother.

“I saw you leave and wanted to make sure you were okay, honey.”

“I’m fine, Grandma. Just needed a moment.” She clenched her teeth and prayed her grandmother would leave. She didn’t.

“Eva seems nice,” she continued.

“She is.” Kate almost started to hope that maybe, maybe, her grandmother would start to take her relationship seriously. “I’m lucky to have her.”

“You seem like really good friends.” Fuck, there it was.

“Okay, you know what? Knock it off!” Kate didn’t mean to blow up, but she couldn’t help it now. “It doesn’t matter how much you deny it, it’s not going to change the fact that I’m not the granddaughter you have in your head! I love Eva, okay? I love someone who’s name is Eva and not Evan. I love her and I’m a lesbian and I’m so tired of you not taking me and my relationships seriously like you do Jack and Derrick!” Then she stormed past her and up to her room, her eyes stinging with tears.

After about twenty minutes, there was a gentle knock on the door.

“Go away,” she mumbled.

“Katie?”

“Oh. You can come in.”

Eva opened the door and then closed it behind herself. “Are you okay? Your grandmother says you totally lost your shit at her.”

“I kinda did.”

“I’m not surprised.” Eva sat next to her, and Kate sat up and crawled into her arms. “They’ve been assholes to us all day.”

“I just really love you, Eva, and I want them to understand that.” Kate’s voice was muffled by Eva’s shirt. “I want them to take you seriously as my girlfriend and stop trying to deny it. I-I want them to accept that I’m not the perfect granddaughter they wanted. I’m not perfect.”

“And thank God. If you were perfect, how would I make fun of you for how atrocious you are at skateboarding? How would I keep you from fighting some people and watch you fight others?” Eva pulled her a little bit tighter and laid down, Kate still curled up in her arms. “I hate your grandparents, but I love you more.”

“Promise you’ll stay?”

“Promise.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Everyone has that one relative who denies your sexuality, right? I’m not out to my family as lesbian, just as ace, and I still think they don’t quite get it. But hey, everyone’s got someone who has their back, right? I hope this was angsty enough!!!!!!

[camillemontespan]

love is blind [TRR gang]

Who’s been watching Love is Blind on Netflix? Who’s become obsessed?

I hate reality TV but this show really pulled me in. So, I was inspired to write a short fic that is inspired by the show.

The premise: In this experiment, people are on the show to meet their future wife/husband. The thing is, they will never actually see each other until after they get engaged. They spend a few days talking in these pods that are separated by a wall. In one pod is the guy, in the opposite pod is the woman. They talk over speakers and fall in love based on emotional connection.

It’s fucking batshit. 

I fancied writing this short thing. It’s not even finished, I don’t know if I’ll update this because tbh I’m so busy this weekend and then I’ll be away, but I just wanted to get this down. 

Sorry for the recent spamming of fics. I’m now unemployed. 

@loveellamae​ @emichelle​ @moonlightgem7​ @ibldw-main​ @burnsoslow​ @mskaneko​ @fromthedeskofpaisleybleakmore​ @pug-bitch​ @katedrakeohd​ @marshmallowsaremyfavorite​ @jovialyouthmusic​

****************************************************

DAY 1 OF EXPERIMENT

Question: why the contestant is taking part in this blind love experiment. Are they romantic?

*************************

Leo eyes the camera and chuckles to himself. ‘Me? Romantic?’ he asks. ‘Hell no. But hey, I like an adventure and this is definitely the craziest thing I’ve ever done in my life. And I gotta tell you.. I’ve done some crazy shit in my time.’

********************************

Liam grins happily and nods. ‘I am what you would call a hopeless romantic,’ he answers. ‘I love romance and big grand gestures. If this works, how amazing a story would this be to tell my grandchildren? Your grandmother and I got engaged before we even saw each other. What a story!’

*******************************

Maxwell enters the room and gives a twirl before settling down on the chair. He gives the camera a wave. ‘Am I romantic?’ he muses. ‘Definitely. I’m taking part in this because I want to meet someone who likes me for me. Loads of girls I know are quick to write me off as being a bit weird. They don’t make an effort to get to know me. So I’d like to find a girl who sees me, like really sees me, you know? That would make me so happy.’

*******************************

Drake enters the room and instantly locates the decanter of whiskey. He pours himself a glass and takes a long swig before sitting down to speak to the camera. ‘Why am I taking part?’ he asks. ‘I lost a bet.’

He is asked if he is romantic. He shakes his head. ‘I’m too cynical for that romantic crap. I’m genuinely wondering who all these people are who have willingly signed up for this. Why would you do this? Why would you agree to marry someone before ever setting eyes on them? Is love blind? No. This isn’t a fairytale. This is real life.’ He sips his whiskey again. ‘Gotta say though.. If I meet the girl of my dreams, and that’s a big if, then I’ll give up whiskey for life.’

*******************************

Bertrand clears his throat and arranges his suit jacket delicately, feeling self conscious about being on camera. ‘I’m taking part in this because my brother, Maxwell, is,’ he admits. ‘I want to look out for him here. If I happen to meet a beautiful lady who loves classical music, the opera and literature, then that is a bonus. But we’ll see.’ He smiles now, looking down at his feet. ‘I’m a romantic deep down. I’m yet to show my true colours.’

******************************

Olivia struts into the room and sits on the chair, crossing her legs with her back ramrod straight. She rolls her eyes. ‘I’m not romantic, no,’ she says dryly. ‘I don’t believe in love at first sight, never mind that love is blind.’

She is asked why she is taking part. She smirks. ‘I want to blow this experiment apart,’ she says. ‘It’s bullshit.’

Olivia stands up now and helps herself to a glass of champagne. She toasts the camera. ‘Cheers bitches.’

*********************************

Camille enters the room and sits down, giving the camera a warm smile. ‘I’m a real romantic, yeah. I really like talking about feelings, it annoys my friends so much but honestly, I love this idea! I love the fact that this is stripped back, down to the bare bones, focusing just on communication. I love the idea of getting to know someone for who they are deep down with no judgement. I’m excited.’

Does she think she’ll meet the one? Camille laughs. ‘I have no idea. Probably not. But I’m open to meeting him if he’s here.’

************************************

Hana sits down and tucks a lock of her hair behind her ear. ‘I’m taking part because I never do crazy things like this,’ she says quietly. ‘I’m always really careful, really reserved. I also feel like nobody knows the real Hana Lee; nobody bothers to in the real world. So this is my chance. I want someone to see me for me. Am I romantic? Yes. Love is the best thing in the world.’

***********************************

Kiara enters the room and looks around, whispering in French. She sits down and nods at the camera. ‘I’m taking part because I would like to meet a man who knows what he wants in life,’ she says. ‘I’ve got ambitions and I’m yet to meet someone who can be at my level. I want to meet someone intelligent and kind. Am I romantic? Not really. But I’m realistic in who I will and won’t date.’

**********************************

Penelope enters the room and waves at the camera. ‘I joined this experiment because for so long, it’s just been me and my dogs,’ she says. ‘I want to meet someone who takes me seriously, who actually wants to spend time with me. I’m a really nice person and it hurts sometimes when guys treat me badly. Maybe I just make bad decisions? I’m hoping that being separated by a wall means that the guys I talk to won’t judge me quickly; they’ll take the time to get to know me.’

***********************************

Aurelia enters the room. ‘Alriiiight, alcohol!’ she cheers, making her way over to the drinks trolley to pour herself some wine. She then catches herself. ‘Shit, am I allowed to do this?’

She sits down and smiles at the camera. ‘I’m taking part in this experiment because I’m really curious to see if this works. I’d love it if it did, how wild would that be?! A story to tell the grandkids, right? I guess, also, in the age of tinder, I’m sick of the dating scene. It’s so harsh, it’s like the fucking Hunger Games. Let’s see if this works. I’m excited.’

********************************

Drake settled down on the plush sofa in the pod and sipped his glass of whiskey. This was his first ‘date’ of the show. He had no idea what to expect. In this pod, it was just him. On the other side of the wall was his date’s pod. A woman in the same situation as him. 

He wondered what they would talk about. How weird this was? Probably. 

‘Hello?’

Drake jumped at the female voice that sounded over the speakers in his pod. ‘Uhh, hi?’ he replied back. 

The voice giggled. ‘Oh my God, this is crazy.’

Drake smirked. ‘I know, right? Insane. So... ‘

‘Are you drinking right now?’ she asked him. 

‘How did you know?’ Drake asked, sipping his whiskey.

‘Because I’m eyeing up that drink trolley and wondering if it’s okay to have some wine. You know, to calm my nerves.’

Drake chuckled. ‘Go ahead.’

He could hear the sound of wine being poured. 

Finally, she spoke again. ‘Okay, I’m settled down. So, what’s your name?’

‘Drake Walker. You?’

‘Camille Montespan.’

Drake smiled despite himself. Pretty name. 

‘Cool,’ he said. He opened his notebook that had a list of questions he wanted to ask. ‘So, Camille, where you from, how old are you, yada yada?’

Camille laughed. ‘Yada yada?’ she asked. ‘Wow, big talker. Okay, I’m from New York and I’m 27. You?’

‘I’m from Texas,’ Drake replied. ‘I’m 28.’

‘Texas huh?’ she said. ‘Are you a cowboy?’

‘Ha, I wish!’ Drake laughed. ‘I do own a cowboy costume though.’

Why the fuck had he just admitted that?

‘You do?!’ Camille cried. ‘Oh my gosh, details please. Like a halloween costume or something for the bedroom?’

Drake smirked. ‘If I said it was for the bedroom, would you like that?’

Camille let out a throaty laugh that warmed Drake from inside. He liked her voice too. It was a warm voice that reminded him of caramel. 

‘You know, I really would,’ she said. ‘Is it for the bedroom?’

‘Nah, it’s a costume I had to wear for the county fair when I was 18,’ Drake admitted. ‘Not sexy.’

‘Hmmm, yeah, not sexy,’ Camille agreed. ‘What’s Texas like?’

Drake settled back into the chair and got comfortable. ‘It’s warm,’ he said. ‘My family have a ranch so I spent my childhood outdoors. Mucking out the stables, riding the horses, fishing.. We have a lake by the ranch. My dad used to host 4th July parties, he was like the king of 4th July.’

Why the fuck was he suddenly talking about his dad?

‘That sounds amazing,’ Camille said. ‘So what’s your dad like? Is he keen on you being part of this weird experiment?’

Drake’s jaw set. He clenched the glass in his hand and didn’t answer. 

‘Drake?’ Camille’s voice was concerned. ‘Drake, you alright?’

‘Yeah, yeah..’ he murmured. ‘Uhh, sorry. My dad.. My dad died when I was fourteen.’

He heard her take a sharp intake of breath. ‘Oh god. I’m so sorry,’ she said. 

‘It’s cool,’ Drake replied quickly. ‘I’m over it.’

There was a silence. Drake wondered if he had scared her off. Well, if he had, then fuck her. 

She cleared her throat. ‘You know, when I lost my own parents.. I’m still not over it, Drake. I was five.’

Drake’s eyes widened. He could feel his heart hammering against his chest. Did she understand? 

‘Your parents..’

‘My parents passed away, yes,’ Camille said, her voice cracking. ‘So I get it, Drake. You can act aloof about it all you want and like it doesn’t hurt but it’s a void in your heart that will never be filled. You just got to take it day by day and eventually, it gets easier.’

Her breath hitched. Drake could hear it in her voice that she was getting emotional. 

‘Camille, are you okay?’ he asked, his eyebrows knitting together. 

‘Y-yeah..’

She wasn’t. Her voice was thick now. He knew she was probably starting to cry. 

‘Don’t cry on me, Montespan..’ he murmured. ‘I’m not good with women crying. Makes me say awkward shit and I put my foot in it, which trust me, you really don’t want to hear..’

He let out a sigh of relief when he heard her laugh softly at this. ‘You’re such a guy, Drake,’ she said, sniffling. ‘I’m okay.’

Drake bit his lip. ‘You sure? Want me to kick this wall down and give you a pat on the back? I don’t really go for hugs to be honest..’

Camille giggled. ‘I’m fine, but thank you. Means a lot. I can tell you don’t usually talk about feelings and things. Sorry I freaked you out there.’

‘You didn’t,’ Drake told her, his voice steady. ‘I understand.’

There was another silence which Camille broke. ‘I understand you too.’ 

*********************************************

Camille faces the camera with red rimmed eyes and a tissue in her hand. ‘What the hell was that?!’ she cries. ‘Why did I start crying? Oh my god, he’ll think I’m crazy.. God that was powerful. I cried in a room, alone, with a stranger on the other side of the wall who was basically holding my hand without actually holding my hand. Jesus. I… I need a drink.’

She is asked if she liked her first date with Drake. Camille looks down at her hands, hiding the blush on her cheeks. 

‘Yeah, I did,’ she whispers. ‘I know I cried.. Oh god, I cried on a first date, that’s awkward. But he seems nice. A bit reserved.. Though he told me about his dad which I think he tends to keep to himself? So that was really nice to be trusted. I felt like he trusted me. But, I think he’s going to be a slow burn. Under that gruff exterior is a marshmallow. I could tell because he was super concerned when I got upset. I’m excited to talk to him again.’

***************************************

Drake downs a glass of whiskey and shakes his hand. ‘That was fucking insane,’ he says. ‘So she started crying and I got all protective? I really wanted to kick that wall down. I just.. I’ve never talked about my dad before either. I never talk about him. I have no idea what happened in that pod or if you guys are putting something in these drinks, but I swear to God, I have never been that open.’

He chuckles. ‘I’m gonna be on my guard from now on.’

[nat-roman0ff]

through this

through this

requested

--

word count: 1,273 warnings: language, anxiety triggers, and fluff.

--

 It had been the week from Hell so far. 

 You and Shawn had been fighting constantly. When you agreed to spend the summer with him on his North American tour, you didn’t think it would consist of daily rows about irrelevant crap. This morning it was about the fact that you ordered his coffee with milk instead of black. 

 “You know I don’t put anything in my coffee, what’s wrong with you!” He yells from across the hotel room. 

 You resist the urge to throw the hot cup at him, “what’s wrong with me? You’re literally screaming at me over some fucking coffee, Shawn. Don’t ask what’s wrong with me, maybe you should ask yourself!” 

 He rolls his eyes, “you know I don’t drink dairy!” 

 “IT’S A PREFERENCE NOT AN ALLERGY YOU TWAT!” You scream through gritted teeth and bleary eyes. 

If you weren’t so pissed off, you probably would’ve just laughed at how absolutely ridiculous this conversation was. You run your fingers through your hair, tugging at the root in frustration. You know this isn’t Shawn. He only gets this way when his anxiety starts getting the best of him and he pushes the people closest to him away. 

 “Bub,” you start with a soft voice, “what’s going on?” 

 You approach him slowly. He doesn’t move at first, doesn’t even bother to lift up his goddamn head to look at you as he’s seated on the edge of the mattress. You stand in front of him and wait for him to react, he just leans forward and presses his face into your stomach, your fingers threading themselves through his curls. 

 “It’ll be okay, Bub,” you hum. 

 Shawn still doesn’t speak, and his hands ghost up your thighs and stop at your hips. He grips them, hard, and pushes you back, forcing you to take a step backwards, “I’m. Fine.” 

 At this point, you’re pretty goddamn close to giving up and catching the first flight back home. It’s hard to love someone like him sometimes, someone who lets all their walls rebuild seemingly overnight but takes weeks to tear them down again. Frankly, it’s a little exhausting and he’s exhausted and you just want to fucking go home. 

 He hadn’t been the same since he went off the meds. You hate to think that, but he’s in less control, grittier, harsher. He’s said things to you that you rather not repeat out loud only to come back hours later in tears and apologizing. 

 Now you’re the one who’s exhausted.

 “You’re not fine, Shawn. I know something’s going on in that head of yours. I also know as your measly girlfriend of two years I still manage to not be worthy to know what that is.” 

 Shawn scoffs, “you really amaze me with your ability to make everything about you. Please tell me what it’s like to be go fucking narcissistic.”

 You clench your fists, your nails digging little crescent moons into your palms, he’s just doing this to get you mad and push you away, don’t fall for it.

 “It’s wonderful for my complexion, honestly.” 

 He lets out a sarcastic laugh and gets up, making sure to bump his shoulder into yours as he passes, “I’ll meet you in the van.” 

 ---

 You’re both silent as you drive to the 4th of July party. Everyone else notices the thick tension between you two but no one says anything. They know Shawn’s temper and they sure as hell know yours, mixing that in a moving vehicle on America’s birthday probably wasn’t a good idea. 

 You smooth out the skirt of your white dress and pull at the tread sticking out from it.

 “Don’t pull on it, you’ll fuck up the hem,” Shawn murmers.

 You sigh and tuck it back underneath your dress. His hand reaches for yours and gives it a strong squeeze as you pull into the driveway of the house the party is being hosted at. He’s still in there, somewhere, buried below all the bullshit. You hope this party loosens him up a little, but you also know that alcohol only enhances his anxiety when it has reached a certain point. 

 The two of you walk hand in hand, but still never speaking a word. You’re greeted by the usual crew and give everyone hugs - your first stop is the bar. You pour a gulp of tequila into your plastic cup and take it back in one swish. Already losing sight of Shawn (which is hard to do considering how massively tall he is), you wander around the house, catching up with various people, and snapping a few photos. You’ve gone through another two shots when it starts to kick in, warmness flooding your veins. 

 There’s still no sight of Shawn anywhere. They party is in full swing now, and you push past through the masses of bodies to make it to the backyard where people are a little less densely packed. That’s when you spot him. 

 Shawn is sitting at the edge of the pool, overlooking the view of Malibu below him. He doesn’t seem to be looking at anything in particular, but he’s doing the thing with his hands when he’s nervous where he picks at his cuticles. It’s so absent minded you wonder if he even knows he’s doing it - a nervous tick he’s had since he was a kid. That’s why his nail beds always look like shit.

 “Hey,” you say, standing behind him on the concrete pathway. 

 “Hi,” he manages.

 “Want some company?” You ask. 

 He nods, and pulls at the grass next to him. You sit behind him, resting your head between his shoulder blades and wrapping your arms around as much of him as you can. 

 “I’m glad you’re here,” he sniffs and you can tell he’s been crying, “I’m sorry for being such an asshole to you lately.” 

 You sigh, “I’m not going to lie and say it’s alright, it’s not. You have to talk to me when things get bad. You can’t just use me as your emotional punching bag when you’re feeling shitty. It’s not fair to me or to any of the other people who love and care about you.” 

 He turns just enough to pull you onto his lap. The rims of his eyes are burning red and his cheeks are streaked with tears, “I know, I know, I know,” he keeps repeating, burying his face in your neck as he cries. 

 You feel the wetness of his tears soak your dress but you don’t care. You rub his back and play with the hair at the nape of his neck just how he likes it. Sitting there, you let him get it all out until his body has stopped shaking and he’s still again. Shawn finally pulls back from you, his face red and blotchy from crying. He sniffs and you reach out to wipe the tears from his cheeks. 

 He leans forward to press his forehead to yours, “I love you so much. I think I’m going to have to go back on my meds if I can’t control myself when I get like this.” 

 You shake your head, “you’re strong, Bub. I’m here for you and I love you too but you’re going to have to start opening up when this starts to happen. It’s the only way we’ll survive.” 

 Shawn closes his eyes and lets another few tears fall down, you catch them with a swipe from your index finger, “I love you,” he repeats again. 

 “I love you too, Shawn. We’ll get through this.”

---

hope you like! request in my ask, and check out my masterlist in bio.

[wonwoosthetic]

A Cousin Rivalry | Part Two || Jake Gyllenhaal & Sebastian Stan

Search for the tag “masterlist” on my blog :)

I didn’t really think I would ever go back to this imagine but here we are so I hope you enjoy it! buckybarton03 gave me some great ideas! :)

Request by buckybarton03: Maybe Jake and the reader are at a party and Sebastian is there also. Sebastian goes up to the reader and flirts with her and starts making moves when Jake was busy talking to someone but Jake catches Sebastian and they get into a fight and Sebastian tells Jake that the reader and him kissed. And maybe it ends with the reader having to choose between them

Warnings: fighting, cursing, implied smut

A Cousin Rivalry | Part Two

Music was playing from the radio and the sound of laughing kids running around in the backyard filled your ears. You were helping Naomi set up the table on the porch, Maggie was running after her youngest daughter, and most of the guys were either sitting or standing around the barbeque but all had a beer in their hand.

4th of July was a big thing in the Gyllenhaal household, family members from far away got invited to spend the day in the suburban home, eating, drinking, and laughing was on the agenda.

It had been a month since the kiss between Sebastian and you had happened, Jake still had no idea about the incident and you prefered to keep it that way. You hadn't talked to his cousin ever since and hoped that today wouldn't change that, but, of course, you were wrong.

Seb had had his eyes on you for the entire day, every time you'd bend down he would trail down the way from your ass, down your legs, every time Jake came around to kiss you or peck your cheek, jealousy would get the best of him and he'd look the other way. You didn't notice, nobody did.

You were standing next to the chair he was sitting on, mixing a salad, on the counter of the outside kitchen area, you had just made when you suddenly felt fingertips on your leg, slowly creeping their way up - you had a flowy knee-length skirt on, so it was easy and no one could see anything. You jumped up, dropping the spoon on the floor.

Sebastian turned around with a smug smile on his lips, "Everything alright, princess?", his hand was still on your leg. You grabbed it and looked at him, "Stop."

Deciding, it was better to continue your work inside, you entered the kitchen to come to sight with your boyfriend making himself another drink. "Hey, what are you doing?", he wondered. Not even contemplating, whether or not you should tell him the real reason why you simply answered, "Just making the salad, but it's too hot outside." He accepted your answer without asking more questions, kissed your cheek and went back outside.

About ten minutes later, the door opened again, you didn't turn around as you didn't think it was something special, people were walking in and out constantly. All of a sudden though, you felt a hand on your waist, thinking it was Jake, you leaned back into his embrace smiling.

"See, you're just denying your natural instinct", definitely not Jake's voice spoke. You quickly let go and took a big step away from the man. "No need to be so jumpy today", his voice was quiet, seducing. You put your head in your hands, sighing, "Sebastian, you have to stop doing this", you looked up into his eyes, "you can't just act as if I'm not in a relationship. You have to learn to respect that." Your voice had a pleading undertone, which the Romanian only enjoyed too much.

"You're certainly not acting as if YOU'RE in a relationship", he pointed with a finger as he got slowly to you, trapping you in the corner of the kitchen counters.

You scrunched your eyebrows, "What do you mean?"

His hands found their way back to your waist, "You show up here, looking like a good old-fashioned wife with a skirt so flowy. You want to make it easy for me", as he said the last sentence, you could feel his right hand making its way up your skirt, finding your underwear and grabbing ahold of it.

"Lace", he whispered in your ear, "you know, what I like", and started kissing your neck. Your head fell back with a moan, but his left hand grabbed it, making you able to look over his shoulder, "watch out for your wannabe man boyfriend."

Looking at Jake through the window made so many emotions of regret and angst bubble up in your stomach and tear at your heart, but feeling Sebastian's lips on your neck and his fingers slowly working their way towards the front of your panties, just felt too good to stop.

"I bet that asshole hasn't touched you in weeks, I would never do that to you", and he was right. Your boyfriend and you hadn't been intimate with each other in quite some time, making this situation right now even more pleasurable.

Your hands, that had been on top of the counter for the entire time, came up to grab Seb's face and put your lips finally on his. He smiled into the kiss, slightly biting your underlip before pretty much sticking his tongue down your throat. The room was filled with heavy breaths and moans. It was just the two of you, no one had come in yet surprisingly, until...

"SEBASTIAN", he quickly ran over to the two of you, grabbed him by his collar and almost threw him to the other end of the room, "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!", Jake was furious, his voice was loud and definitely even grabbed the attention from the people outside. With big steps he was right in front of his cousin, pushing him further away from you, making him hit a wall, "GET YOUR DIRTY HANDS OFF HER. NEVER. EVER. TOUCH HER. AGAIN!"

You got scared, tears were forming in your eyes, threatening to spill out, knowing this was all your fault.

"Jake, stop", you pleaded as you tried to reach out to him.

"Just so you know, she enjoyed it", Sebastian smiled provocatively at Jake. He turned around to look at you, saw your reached-out hand, took it and pushed it back, "What?", he asked Seb while looking at your now wet cheeks.

"She was the one kissing me", he was right next to your boyfriend's ear and he wasn't wrong. Sebastian kissed your neck and did a few other things, but you were the one to grab his face and kiss him. "(Y/N)", you could hear how your boyfriend choked up, his eyes now filling with tears too, "Why? W- What's going on?" "Jake, I... I", you couldn't find the right words for the situation you were in, "I'm s-so sorry, it-it's my fault... it's my fault."

He tried to stop his tears from rolling down his face by grabbing the space between his eyes with his right-hand fingers. He took a deep breath, unsure if he was going to regret the next question, "How long?" You looked up, "Hm?" "For how long has this been going on?", his voice got significantly louder. "Ever since I visited her while you left her alone to go film a movie a month ago", Sebastian just stood in the back with folded arms, proud of the situation. "IF YOU SAY ANOTHER WORD, I WILL THROW YOU HEAD FORWARD AGAINST THE COUNTER", he screamed at his cousin in full rage. You jumped at his outburst, not used to him raising his voice that much. He stepped closer to Seb, "You put your dirty, filthy hands on my girlfriend", he pointed at him, "I always knew you were just a horny asshole. You disgust me."

Before the Romanian could say something in contra, you interrupted, "Jake, I should have stopped it, it's my fault", you sniffed. "But why didn't you?", he wondered, "Am I not good enough for you? What do you want more?" Hearing the pleading in his voice broke you, "No Jake, no, you're perfect... I-I don't know why... I...", you decided not to finish your sentence in case something wrong would come out and make this situation worse if that was even possible.

Your boyfriend, well now probably ex-boyfriend, raised his arm, almost in defeat, "I'm done, I-I can't do this", he exited the kitchen, past Sebastian, making sure to bump shoulders hard. You quickly ran after him into the entrance hall, "No, wait, please", you started crying again, "don't do this, please, no..." Jake stopped and turned around, "No, STOP. You can't do this to me. You know how much I hate him-", "I know, I know", you whispered. "(Y/N), I don't want this anymore", "No, Jake, please-", "NO, me or him?!"

That question should've been an easy one to answer, but for some reason, it wasn't. You looked between Jake and Sebastian, who had followed you, looking both of the men into the same blue eyes their family shared. Your heartbeat sped up, breathing got harder and harder.

Jake with tears in his eyes, Seb with pride in his. It should have been easy, why wasn't it though? "That's what I thought, we're done", and with these last words, your now official ex-boyfriend opened the front door, walked out, and closed it with a loud bang that echoed through the rest of the house even seconds after he had left.

You had no more right to be in this house. With those thoughts in your head, you ran out, minutes later, unsure if that other someone was following you or not.

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Is this still good even if I got back to this story months later? Please let me know :) Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it!!

Hope you have a wonderful day/night! :) <3